Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/10864521.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Castiel/Jimmy_Novak/Dean_Winchester, Castiel/Dean_Winchester, Castiel/
      Jimmy_Novak, Jimmy_Novak/Dean_Winchester
  Character:
      Dean_Winchester, Castiel, Jimmy_Novak
  Additional Tags:
      soulmate!AU, dean_with_low_self_esteem, Twincest, Bottom!Cas, top!dean,
      Top!Jimmy, bottom!jimmy, switch!jimmy, Buttplugs, Blowjobs, handjobs, 69_
      (Sex_Position), Masturbation, Mentions_of_Light_Bondage, mentions_of
      facials, Threesome_-_M/M/M, Recreational_Drinking, Dry_Humping, Child
      Abuse, Infidelity, drinking_as_a_coping_mechanism, mentions_of_pegging,
      prior_dean/others_(lisa_aaron_lydia_benny_cassie), prior_cas/others_
      (crowley_balthazar_april_meg), prior_jimmy/others_(amelia_daphne_nora
      april), daisy_chain_of_blowjobs
  Collections:
      DCJ_Big_Bang_2017
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-05-23 Chapters: 19/19 Words: 67730
****** And I Saw Sparks ******
by jhoom
Summary
     It only affects maybe twenty percent of the population, but when you
     first kiss your soulmate, sparks fly. Not literally, but the feeling
     is real enough for those who experience it. There are two catches: it
     only works after you turn sixteen and it has to be a kiss on the
     lips.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean and Castiel meet
Chapter Notes
     Hey guys :) This is my entry for the DCJ_Big_Bang_2017. I'd like to
     thank both destielonfire and captainhaterade for beta-reading!! And
     of course a big shout-out to my artist dmsilvisart for doing some
     amazing art for this story ^-^ Check out her art_post!
     Surprise surprise, this is another example of a fic where I was like
     "hey this could be 20k" and then haha no it wasn't :/ Also for the
     first time, I'm putting chapter summaries in - they're short little
     blurbs that are really just there to remind me wtf happened in each
     chapter.
     Come visit me on tumblr @jhoomwrites if you'd like to talk destiel,
     dcj, or really anything :)
     As always, please make sure you guys read the tags. If you're
     concerned about the underage and child abuse warning, I've included
     spoiler-y details on that in the end notes of this chapter. If you
     have any other questions/concerns about the warnings, lemme know.
     Also Dean and Cas speak German at some points in this story. I have
     very little actual German, instead opting to do italics for long
     portions of text that are in German.
See the end of the chapter for more notes

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When you first kiss your soulmate, sparks fly.
Not literally, of course. That’d be fucking dangerous. But the exciting thrum
of electricity shoots through you, starting from your lips and cascading all
the way down to your toes. The first time is like a shock, but it’s there every
kiss after, too, reminding you how fucking perfect you two are for each other.
So the thrill of kissing your soulmate never truly wears off. It’s amazing.
Or at least, Dean assumes it is. That’s what they all say.
It’s not that Dean knows from personal experience. He’s kissed plenty of
people, but never felt that spark. Most people don’t, actually. Only about ten
to twenty percent of the population ever claim to meet their soulmates, and so
far Dean’s not among them.
Not that he’s bitter. Because he’s not. Nope, not one bit.
He certainly isn’t bitter about his ex-girlfriend Lisa. Of fucking course he’s
happy for her finding her soulmate and all that. It just would’ve been nice if
it hadn’t happened while she’d been dating Dean.
The point is, soulmates are an awesome thing that everyone wants but not
everyone gets to have. And Dean’s accepted the fact that he’s among the rather
large group that doesn’t get to have it. It’s not that he’s unlovable or
incapable of love. Just that he’s destined to fall a little short of “soulmate”
levels of affection.
Like that makes it hurt any less. That no matter how much he ends up caring
about someone, even if he thinks the fucking world of them, there’ll always be
someone out there who’ll scoff and tell him, Well you can’t love them that
much, you’re not even soulmates.
He and Sam have had words about this again and again. Whenever he finds his
brother drinking and inevitably whining about his shit luck and how he’s no
good, Sam pulls him to his feet and tells him he’s being ridiculous. That he’s
a great person and maybe his soulmate’s still out there and even if they’re
not, that doesn’t make him any less awesome.
“Easy for Sam to say,” Dean grumbles to himself as he heads down a lonely
hallway in the Fine Arts building. “Sam’s already found his soulmate.”
Sam and Jess have been inseparable since they ran into each other at some
freshman orientation at Stanford. They’d barely known each other a week when
they kissed and BAM sparks. And they really are the perfect couple. Sam’s so
sweet and Jess has enough fire in her to keep him in line.
All their lovey-dovey nonsense grates on his nerves. Sure he’s happy for his
kid brother (ecstatic, actually, the kid deserves the best the world has to
offer), but damn if it isn’t aggravating having the constant reminder of what
Dean himself doesn’t have. But he’s nearly thirty now, and he’s gotten pretty
good at ignoring how empty he feels whenever another relationship goes south
because of the “soulmate” thing.
He’s worked himself into a foul enough mood by the time he gets to his class
that it takes him a moment to collect himself. Forcefully pushing all thoughts
of soulmates, kissing, and Lisa out of his mind, Dean steps into the classroom
tucked away in the back of the building. The room’s only got about twelve
people in it despite being big enough to hold three times that. There are rows
and rows of tables facing the front, each with two to three chairs set up
behind them.
With an inward groan (ugh, group work), he steps inside and eyes his
classmates. They’re all young, probably still in undergrad. A couple of them
double-take when they see him, obviously assessing him and no doubt wondering
what a guy his age is doing taking classes with them.
Sorry, but some of us work full time while trying to get their Master’s, he
inwardly gripes.
The only person who doesn’t seem to give a shit about his age (or the sorry
state of his jeans, covered in machine grease and industrial lube) is a dark-
haired man sitting in the front row by himself. He looks about Dean’s age and
is probably also working full time, if the suit and tie are anything to go on.
While the others are still trying to steal glances at Dean (or they simply
stare in open curiosity), this man had given him no more than cursory look
before going back to his phone.
Decision made, Dean navigates through the desks. He pointedly ignores everyone
else (especially the girl who winks at him and pulls out a chair) and grabs a
seat next to phone guy up front.
Blue eyes glance up at him, taking him in with a little more interest than
before, before he gives a slight smile and goes back to his phone. This is
exactly what Dean was looking for. A politeness that’s not overwhelming—someone
who will play nice when they have to work together, but won’t pry or be some
sort of fake, overly friendly nightmare. He could already tell, he and phone
guy were going to get along great.
The professor comes in, rushing up front with a little rolling backpack
trailing behind her. Her blond ponytail bounces as she quickly unpacks and
starts handing out syllabi.
“I know, I know. I’m a terrible German, showing up late on the first day of the
semester,” she rattles off in German. Dean looks down at his watch and bites
his lip to keep from smiling. She’s literally only a minute late. “ Pair off
with someone sitting nearby. Introduces yourselves. Talk about your days.
Whatever you want, just speak. I’ll come around to listen, try to gauge our
overall levels of proficiency.”
Some of the younger students look shocked that they’re expected to speak German
on the first day (of their 400 level German class, for fuck’s sake). Dean’s so
fucking glad he happened to pick the seat next to one of the few people who
seems unfazed. Last thing he needs is to get stuck babysitting some nervous
freshman straight out of high school who’ll latch on to him like he has all the
answers to life just because he’s an “adult.”
Like he’s ever been called an adult in his life.
He swivels around in his chair and offers a hand to the dark-haired man next to
him (phone finally pocketed). “Hi, I’m Dean. You?”
The man narrows his eyes before shaking Dean’s hand. “My name is Castiel. I’m
new to this university, and this is my first—”
“You Bavarian or something?”
The guy—Castiel, apparently—blinks in confusion a few times. “What?”
“Your accent. You from Bayern or something?”
“No.” He seems to be reluctant to go on, but at Dean’s incredulous look, he
sighs. When he continues, his accent is muted and it sounds more like the
Hochdeutsch his professors have been speaking to him for years. “ I learned
German from my au pair as a child. She was from Mittenwald in Bayern.”
Dean can’t help but be intrigued by that. Families with au pairs screamed
money. Guys with wrinkled suits and backwards ties, taking night classes in
their thirties, didn’t. It didn’t add up, and Dean kinda wanted to find out how
the pieces fit together.
“So what are you studying, Castiel with an au pair from Mittenwald?”
The other man’s lips quirk up a little at the corner. Dean’s got the feeling
Castiel’s smiles aren’t given freely. They have to be earned.
Dean’s always liked a challenge.
“I’m getting my MBA. Part of the program requires me to pass a proficiency exam
in a foreign language. This is mostly a refresher course for me. Though I might
follow up with a second course in the spring”
Somehow Dean must’ve managed to impress the guy, because Castiel is speaking so
quickly Dean can barely keep up. He’s good but he’s not that good, and
Castiel’s basically fluent as far as Dean can tell.
“Refresher course? You’re just here to make the rest of us look bad.”
“Hardly,” he says dismissively. “What about you? What brings you to the depths
of the Fine Art building on this fine Thursday evening?”
It throws Dean a little. If he’d been the one saying it, it would’ve been
flirting. Just to test the waters, see if the cute guy in his German class was
into him. But Castiel’s deadpan, overly somber delivery baffles Dean a bit.
“I uh…” He momentarily forgets how to German and has to actually plan out his
sentence ahead of time. “I’m getting my Masters in Mechanical Engineering. I
have to take the same proficiency test. I work for a car company and they’ve
got a sister branch near Nürburg. German seemed practical, especially if I get
transferred over there or need to do a business trip.”
Actually, brain turning to goop from cute boys or not, he’s pretty proud of how
well he got through all that.
“Mechanical Engineering? That’s impressive. You must be pretty smart.”
Okay was that flirting? Before he could follow it up, the professor cuts them
off and begins the lesson. She points out a few mistakes she heard the class
making (though she takes a moment to praise both Castiel and Dean for doing an
outstanding job - the younger students look at them in a mix of awe and envy)
then dives into their lesson on Indirekte Rede. Castiel groans when he hears
it, but diligently takes out a notebook and copies what she says. It only takes
a couple minutes before Dean’s starting to understand his annoyance.
By the time the professor ends the class punctually at their designated time,
Dean can feel a stress headache starting to form behind his eyes. The highlight
of the night had been when they’d done practice sentences with their partners.
Dean and Castiel had passed a sheet of paper back and forth, each trying to one
up the other on ridiculous sentences. They’d started with the bland stuff like
“Frau Bügelstein says that she is no longer working” to such gems as “ Ylvis
alleges that the fox says Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding” and “ The men
without hats claim that you can dance if you want to.”
But now Konjunktiv I and Konjunktiv II are a jumbled mess in his head. He’ll
need at least a night to sleep on it before it starts to make any sort of
sense. Right now, Dean just wants to get out of here.
Castiel’s stuffing his notebook back into his briefcase and pulling on a
weathered trenchcoat. On the other hand, Dean wouldn’t mind getting to know his
new classmate a little better. He remembers undergrad when he bonded with the
other students in his department. The engineering department was rather large
at the entry levels, but by junior year their classes had whittled down to
maybe five. They’d spent years together, and that kind of bonding’s nice.
Not that he expects that kind of thing with Castiel, but they’ll be spending
their Thursday evenings together for the next few months. It wouldn’t hurt if
they got along.
Deciding he’s got nothing to lose, Dean asks, “You wanna go get a drink?”
Castiel seems almost shocked. Like he thought Dean would ignore him once class
ended or something. “Who, me?”
“No, dingus, the other guy I’ve been talking to all night.” When Castiel looks
around in confusion for a moment, Dean laughs. “Yes, Cas, I mean you.” The
nickname’s unintentional, but it rolls of his tongue so easily that Dean
doesn’t want to take it back. Castiel, for what it’s worth, doesn’t seem to
mind. “And I’m pretty sure no one else is even old enough to drink. Hell, I
think we might be older than the professor.”
“Frau Werner is on the young side. I think she’s technically a grad student
from Germany—”
“Cas?”
“Yes?”
“Drinks?”
“Oh!” Dean can’t help but lick his lips when Cas blushes, the color doing
wonders to bring out his eyes. For the first time all evening, Cas’ eyes wander
up and down Dean’s form. But they don’t linger on the stains or the holes in
his shirt or the heavy, worn work boots. Instead he carefully takes it all in.
“Yes. I’d like that.”
“Alright.” His mouth is dry. Having Cas visibly check him out’s got him heating
up under the collar, but he ignores it. As much as he’d like to be interested,
it’s still too soon after Lisa for him to want to deal with any of that shit
again. Even a hookup would feel weird right now. Hopefully Cas won’t push for
anything beyond friendly drinks.
They arrive at the only on-campus bar, The Front Door . It’s a couple buildings
over, right outside the Game Room lined with pool tables from wall to wall.
When Dean was here for undergrad, he spent hours hustling the would-be pool
sharks who tried to take advantage of the less-skilled players. It’s almost
ten, so the Game Room’s empty and the bar’s not much better off. It’s just the
bartender, a few professors, and a group way off in the corner loudly playing
drinking games.
And now them. They slide in at the bar and order some beers and nachos. It
wounds Dean’s pride a little when he’s not even carded, but Cas isn’t either so
at least they can be old farts together.
They talk and drink, filling in the blanks they hadn’t had time to during
class. Dean talks about moving to Greenville, South Carolina to work at the BMW
plant nearby. That leads to him going on about how fucking excited he is that
they hired him at all and are paying for him to continue school, even if it’s a
few years later than he’d expected. Castiel talks about how he works some
boring desk job as an accountant and hates it, how he’s taking business classes
so he can help learn how to start and run his own business and do something
more interesting than push papers all his life.
Turns out Dean didn’t need to worry about Cas making a pass at him (or himself
getting tipsy and making one on Cas). Although Castiel is friendly and
sometimes their knees end up touching and neither of them moves away, it’s
innocent. Neither flirts, and neither invites that kind of attention.
(Maybe Dean’s mildlydisappointed, but he knows that’s stupid. He stamps out the
feeling and instead enjoys the new budding friendship.)
“I feel like we should be practicing German together,” Cas hiccups then goes in
for another sip of his beer. When his hand misses completely, Dean pulls the
glass out of reach and finishes it himself just to keep it away from Cas.
Huh, it actually tastes kinda burnt or bitter or something. How the hell did
Cas manage to drink three of these?
“You wanna practice German? Now? While you’re three beers deep and I’ve
forgotten everything past hallo, wie geht’s?”
“Drunk German is authentic German. If you can’t speak German drunkenly, then
you don’t really speak it at all.” Castiel might mean to sound impressive, but
he rolls his r’s too much and gets so guttural Dean’s powerless to stop the
full belly laugh that shakes through him.
“Don’t ever change, man,” Dean says between tears.
“It won’t be… It allegedly isn’t… fuck… It wasn’t…” Cas frowns in disbelief
before scowling and switching back to English. “It wasn’t that funny, Dean.”
“Oh, it definitely was. You’re ador—you’re hilarious when you’re drunk, by the
way.”
Cas gives a pleased smile that Dean’s definitelyearned.
 
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Chapter End Notes
     Underage: Cas and Jimmy get together when they're sixteen and have
     sex.
     Child abuse: Castiel and Jimmy's father physically strikes them when
     he finds out about them being together. The twins are eighteen at the
     time.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean and Castiel get to know each other better
 It becomes their thing: sitting together in class; passing notes back and
forth until the professor scowls at them; then going for drinks and a snack. It
goes on like that for most of the semester.
Long enough that Dean thinks he’s kinda missed the boat on anything romantic
happening with Cas. But then a freak snowstorm gets classes canceled, and the
two meet up at Dean’s place to hang out. Sitting in his sweatpants and sharing
a pizza with Cas while making fun of cheesy action movies… Sure, dating Cas
might  be nice, but being friends with him is  definitely  awesome. He’s not
willing to risk the one for the other.
( Besides, why bother? It’s not like you’re dateable. You get a few months,
tops, before they realize you’re not their soulmates then they’re gone and
you’re left picking up the pieces. Be glad Cas figured that out  before  he
broke your heart.
Ugh, just  stop .)
Dean’s actually feeling pretty melancholy when the semester’s coming to a
close. Yeah, he’s stressed out because fuck exams and fuck the fact that he’s
got work deadlines to meet too. Yet at the end of the day when he’s alone in
bed staring at the chips in his ceiling, he finds himself kinda sad at the
prospect of not seeing Cas every week.
It hits him especially hard after the take their exam and go for their
customary drink together. Sure, they’ve hung out once or twice outside of
school, but there’s something final about this trip to the bar. Dean’s pretty
sure he’s pouting as he plays with the label peeling off his beer bottle, but
he doesn’t know how to broach the topic of the staying in contact.
You could always just text him .  It’s not like you don’t have his number.
Yeah. Text him out of the blue when the most I’ve ever sent him is a question
about the homework. “Hey I know we’re only German buddies, but wanna come over
for a beer this week? For ol’ times sake?” That’s not pathetic at all.
“You taking more German next semester?” Castiel asks.
It pulls Dean from his moping for a second, but then he’s back to staring at
his beer. “Yeah,” he answers automatically. “My advisor wants me to take at
least two more courses to make sure I can pass the exam, otherwise they’ll make
me wait a whole ‘nother semester before I can take it again.” It’s an
unpleasant reminder that he'll be on his own next semester.
“You doing 450 with Werner or 510 with Schwarzmann?”
“Uh… Shit, I don't even know. Whichever one’s on technical writing. Actually
supposed to be really good class.”
If only I could work up the energy to be excited about it.
“That's Werner's class.” Cas finishes of his beer and waves the bartender over
for another. “Good. That's the one I signed up for. It'd be annoying to have to
change courses after registering.”
Dean's brain tries to process the information he's just been told. It’s not
until Cas’ glass has been refilled that he's able to piece together what's
going on. “You're in that class too?”
“Mmhmm.” Cas tastes his new beer and smacks his lips as appreciatively. “I
decided to take another course. Hope you don't mind having to put up with me
for another semester.”
“I think I'll manage.” Dean's so happy he could sing. He might even do
something stupid like—
Like kiss Cas. And prove that any relationship they might have will run its
course. Like every other relationship Dean's ever had.
“I'm glad,” Cas says quietly. Dean hadn't even realized Cas was nervous until
that moment, but his voice smooths over and the hints of stiffness disappear.
“I'm glad you haven't gotten bored of me yet.”
Now that his bad mood had instantly been toppled over, it's too easy for Dean
to smile and playfully nudge Cas. “C'mon man. Who's gonna show me up if you're
not in class? You know I can't handle the pressure of being the best.”
They're on the precipice of flirting again, and it takes all of Dean's power to
avoid falling into that trap.
You don't want to  date Cas , he reminds himself.  You want to  keep  him.
Dating him the surest way to chase him off. Be happy with this little step in
the right direction and don't  dare  to dream about more .
Advice he should've taken with Lisa. But hey, at least he's learned the lesson.
Better late than never, right? This is dangerous territory. Being this
comfortable with someone has only ever led Dean to heartbreak. But if he’s
careful to keep this thing with Cas purely about friendship, he might actually
get through this.
The flirty edge dies down, replaced with an ease in their interactions that
Dean realizes has been missing for a few weeks now. Now that they know they’ll
see each other again once the spring semester rolls around, they both settle
into their usual banter. Cas shares horror stories about his co-workers and
Dean comments with terribly forced movie and TV references, to see if Castiel
gets them. Cas’ pop culture knowledge is so sparse and sporadic that Dean loves
poking around just to see what he knows.
Even with the prospect of German 450 on the horizon, neither makes any move to
end the evening. Whenever a beer goes dry, they promptly order another one.
They drift closer and closer to each other until their shoulders touch. It’s
actually kind of nice. But Dean forces himself to pull away, heeding his
earlier warning to himself.
“So you doing a lot over the winter break?” he blurts. It’s the only thing he
can think of to break the spell and get some semblance of control back.
“Hmmm, not much. I’ll actually be doing a lot of tax-related things at work, so
it’s not much of an actual break for me. My brother and I are going skiing for
New Years, which is probably a terrible idea since I haven’t been skiing in
over a decade, but he insisted.”
“I didn’t know you had a brother.” Dean had brought up his own brother during
their first time at the bar, but it’s been months and Cas hasn’t said a word.
“He not live around here or something?”
“Oh, uhm,” Cas looks momentarily embarrassed. This is probably the first time
Dean’s seen Castiel flustered since he first invited him out to the bar. “I
hadn’t realized I hadn’t mentioned him. He lives in town. We’re actually
roommates at the moment.”
“I’m half jealous, half super fucking glad I’m not roommates with Sam. I love
having the kid around, but the he’s a fucking slob and eats like a goddamn
horse. Can’t imagine living with him again after I moved out.”
Castiel shrugs diplomatically. There’s more of a story there, but Dean doesn’t
push. Family issues aren’t something you casually navigate with random guys you
sometimes get drinks with.
What about guys you’d change your course schedule for?
More to shut up the stupid little voice in his head than anything else, Dean
asks, “So just trying not to fall on your ass skiing and taxes? That pretty
much the gist of it?”
“More or less.” Cas traces a finger along the brim of his glass.
There’s an invitation in the silence, and Dean’s not sure how to do this. He’s
new to the whole friends first thing. And it’s not like Dean doesn’t know  how
to make friends, it’s just that he doesn’t know how to do it with people he’d
love to get in his bed. Because there’s a certain amount of untapped chemistry
here, underlying every interaction. Is he willing to endure that until their
friendship runs its course? Whether it be weeks or months or years, can he
handle the  potential  here?
“So I was thinking,” he says casually. Cas perks up a little and Dean takes a
second to think through what he’s about to say. “I mean, I ain’t exactly a
German master or anything, but I really need to pass that proficiency exam next
year. Think it’d be good practice to maybe watch some German movies? And talk
about them with someone else?”
“You criticize me for my general lack of movie knowledge, yet your suggestion
is to skip all of American cinema and dive into German cinema instead?” The
delivery is basically deadpan, but there’s a twinkle in Cas’ eye that gives
away that he’s teasing Dean.
“Who said I was inviting you.” Dean winks to show he’s only kidding, but Cas is
unperturbed either way. “And hey, let’s be real. It’s probably too late to
catch you up on the American classics, may as well call it a loss and move onto
something more manageable.”
“You have any movies in mind?”
“I’ll see what I can scrounge up at the library or on Netflix. Think you got
time before you and your bro ship out for some winter wonderland?”
“I have one more exam, but after that I’m relatively free.”
And just like that, they have plans to hang out outside of school. Which yes,
they’ve done before, and yes, they’re doing it under the pretense of school,
but it’s a step in the right direction.
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Once their courses officially end, they meet every weekend after that in
December and January. The only exception is when Castiel’s on his skiing trip
with his brother. He comes back from that looking exhausted but cheerful, and
Dean’s glad to have him back. Probably kind of pathetic how much he missed
having him around after only a week away.
They meet at Dean’s place on a Saturday afternoon, with Cas bringing some
takeout and Dean providing the movie and beer. Dean always sits on his recliner
while Cas takes over the couch. It’s the safest way for Dean to avoid the
temptation of snuggling up next o Cas. He’s not made of stone, and his resolve
to keep things platonic would crumble if they ever honest to god  cuddled .
They they start making their way through the library’s small German section.
Most of the time, Castiel’s content to let Dean take over and pick their movie
for the night, but once or twice he’ll override Dean’s selection with one of
his own. In those few instances, there’s no room for argument. (And admittedly,
Dean finds himself a little hot under the collar when that happens and doesn’t
put up too much of a fight.)
Slowly, they work their way through the obvious choices like  Lola rennt ,
Good-bye Lenin,  and  Das Leben der Anderen . Then it’s on to movies like
Jenseits der Stille ,  Die fetten Jahre sind vorbei , and, Dean’s favorite,
Nosferatu  (“It’s a silent movie, Dean. It’s not even  in  German.” “It’s got
German title cards, it counts. Now shh, the movie’s starting.” “Did you just
shush me so you could watch a  silent  movie?”). There’s even some arguing in
German as they discuss which characters are The Worst™ and which movies are
indeed worthy of the term “classic.”
After one particularly close call where it’d felt kind of  domestic  the way
they moved around each other in the kitchen, Dean decides to call in backup.
For their final movie night, they’re going to be watching  Das Boot , so Dean
goes ahead and invites over Benny, Charlie, and Jo to help diffuse the tension.
It works pretty well, except now Dean gets to see firsthand how well Cas fits
in with his friends. He just… he  fits  in his life, and he likes that.
Likes it too much.
Likes it enough that he thinks about trying.
Maybe.
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Castiel N (3:15 pm): I know it’s the middle of the week, but there’s a power
outage at my office and we’ve all been kicked out.
Castiel N (3:16 pm): Would you like to grab an early dinner?
It’s pitiful how tempted Dean is, but he already has plans. He’s pretty sure he
could cancel them without too much of a fuss, but it’s a slippery slope. Today
he’s canceling plans to hang out with a guy he refuses to date, tomorrow
they’re making out on his couch, and then a week after that Cas is reminding
him that they’re not soulmates and it’s been fun but it’s over.
Wow that went downhill quickly. Shaking his head to clear out the pathetic
thoughts, he types out a response.
Dean W (4:05 pm): can’t got plans with some friends
Dean W (4:06 pm): it’s my birthday and they’re surprising me with something
Dean W (4:08 pm): my money’s on lasertag but who the fuck knows with them
He’s about to get back to work but there’s almost an immediate response.
Castiel N (4:09 pm): You didn’t tell me it was your birthday. I’ll bake you a
cake.
Dean W (4:10 pm): ew no cake man
Dean W (4:10 pm): i’m strictly a pie kinda guy
Dean W (4:12 pm): besides i don’t see you til this week and i do NOT want you
bringing a cake to class
Dean W (4:13 pm): werner already thinks we’re weird enough
Castiel N (4:17 pm): I’m bringing a cake. I’m sure if it’s Schwarzwälder
Kirschtorte, Werner will gladly allow me to do so.
Castiel N (4:18 pm): And I’ll send you a present later.
Dean W (4:20 pm): okay i’m officially turning off my phone and ignoring you
Dean W (4:22 pm): no cake.
Castiel must take the threat seriously, because Dean’s phone stops buzzing.
He’s able to forget all about Castiel and his promises of cake and presents
until he’s crawling into bed. As he plugs in his phone charger, he notices
another text from Cas.
Castiel N (9:38 pm): For the birthday boy.
Then there’s a link to a video and without so much as a second thought, he
clicks on it.
A video loudly starts playing, making Dean jump as he scrambles to turn down
the sound (only to remember that he lives  alone  so who gives a fuck if it’s
loud). The video shows a man on all fours, completely naked, bound by a length
of black rope, and gagged. He’s whining loudly around the ball gag as he’s
approached from behind.
The camera doesn’t bother showing the other person, keeping the focus instead
on the way the man writhes against his bindings.
“Happy birthday, big boy.”  The woman steps enough into frame that it’s clear
she’s holding a rather large paddle.  “You ready for your birthday spanking?”
The man nods and moans, sticking his pert ass even higher for her to easily
reach.  “Good. You’re turning twenty this year, so that’ll be twenty spanks.
You ready?”  Again he nods, wiggling his ass enough that his dick bobs back and
forth.  “Good boy.”
She then proceeds to whack him twenty times as hard as she can. His ass turns
bright red after only the first few swings, but the guy’s clearly into it if
the precome leaking onto the floor is anything to go by. The video ends after
the spanking’s done, and Dean has no fucking idea how to process what just
happened.
Cas sent him porn as a birthday present. That is both the sweetest and most
bizarre thing a friend’s ever done for him.
Dean certainly does  not  jerk off to said porn that night and he most
definitely does  not  imagine Cas bending him in half to spank him thirty
times. Nope. Not at all.
        [https://68.media.tumblr.com/98aaf627725ef31b0f0d8794be2725f3/
                      tumblr_oqf0qkC9CM1uqhw14o2_540.jpg]
The new semester starts a few days later and lo and behold, Castiel actually
does  bring a cake. That fucker. Dean walks into class only to find Castiel
diligently handing out a slice to everyone in class. There’s even a huge slice
with a candle in it for waiting for Dean.
Worst of all, it’s a damn tasty piece of cake.
After that, it’s a smooth transition from movie nights back to beers at  The
Front Door . While it’s not as comfy as his recliner, it’s definitely neutral
territory. No risk of kisses or heartfelt confessions here. Just a nice,
ordinary evening at their usual spot.
Except that it’s actually crowded for once. Students are gathered around the
bar and loudly discussing how they hate or love their classes so far (after one
week? ridiculous). They barely manage to get a spot at the bar, Castiel
snatching up an empty chair as soon as a few guys go to play pool in the game
room.
Worse yet, there’s a new bartender. It actually only bugs Dean since the old
one knew their names and their orders. Now they have to shout over the noise
and hope she gets it right.
“I’m not a fan of this,” Dean says while pointing around the bar. “I liked it
better when it was just some drunk professors hiding in the corner.”
Castiel shrugs. “This is an earlier class. Not that surprising. Though I agree,
I like not having to yell to have a conversation.”
“Here you go boys,” the bartender says with a wink as she drops off their first
round of beers. “Anything else I can get for you?”
“We’ll have some jalapeno poppers,” Castiel says while he sniffs his beer.
“Thank you.”
“No problem.”
As soon as she’s out of earshot, Dean leans over. No use in whispering, but he
doesn’t want to have to scream what he’s about to say in case the bartender
overhears. “I kinda miss the old bartender. What was his name?”
“Rufus?” Dean can’t hear it, but he’s pretty sure Castiel snorts. “I’ll admit,
his surly attitude was entertaining. But this new girl is very attractive. I
can actually see myself fucking her, which despite Rufus’ charms I can honestly
say I never imagined happening with him.”
Dean, to his utter embarrassment, chokes on his drink and turns bright red.
Mostly because the mental image of Cas bending the bartender over and taking
her from behind is far more arousing than he would’ve thought it to be.
Luckily the jalapeno poppers arrive and he’s saved from having to deal with
that.
“I hope next week it’s not this crowded.” Dean grabs a jalapeno popper and
immediately drops it. Damn thing’s too hot to even pick up, no way it’s going
in his mouth right now. “I barely got any elbow room.”
“I can’t make it next week.”
Dean’s heart immediately sinks in disappointment. He’s already getting ready to
dismiss it as no big deal when Cas continues.
“I thought maybe instead you could come out to this fundraiser a friend of mine
is having. It’s at a bar downtown and her band will be playing most of the
evening.”
“Oh.”  Is this a date is this a date is this a date is this a — “Yeah, sounds
like fun. Fundraiser, huh? Should I try to bring some people?”
“That would be a great idea.” Cas actually has one of his rare big smiles on
now, the one with dimples and that hints at gums. It almost makes up for the
fact that this is definitely  not  a date.
Which is what Dean wanted. No dates.
Fuck.
“Cool.” He does his best to play off his momentary heart attack. “I’ll try to
get Benny, Charlie, and Jo on board. Maybe see if Garth wants to come.”
“Perfect. I can text you the information. I don’t even know which bar they’re
doing it at. I have it written down somewhere.”
“Yeah, just get it to me when you can. I’ll be there.”
Castiel smiles sincerely at him. “Good. I look forward to it.”
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean meets Jimmy
 The bar’s actually more what Dean would consider a dive, but the drink
specials look promising so he’s not going to complain. There’s no official
stage or anything, just an area roped off that’s more or less in the center of
the admittedly large space. It’s not crowded yet, but most of the tables are
gone and some people are starting to stand around by the equipment.
It doesn’t take long to spot Cas standing at a high top towards the back, so
Dean leads his friends over. When Dean gets closer, he almost trips over his
own feet in surprise because  that … that is  not  Cas. The doppelganger must
feel eyes on him, because he looks up before Dean can figure out what to do. He
looks at Dean approaching with his entourage with curiosity before a predatory
smile edges onto his face.
Dean’s feet carry him over to the table despite his growing confusion, and he
stops awkwardly at the edge.
“Dean, so glad you could make it.”
Even the  voice  isn’t Cas. What the fuck?
“Good to see you again, Castiel,” Benny says as he steps around Dean. Jo and
Charlie do the same, asking questions about the band and the fundraiser before
Dean’s brain restarts.
“Who  are  you?”
The group stops talking immediately, his friends’ mouths dropping open in
surprise and the fake Cas tilting his head in a pretty good impression of
Dean’s friend. Really,  really  good impression.
“Dean, I’m Cast—” Then he snorts on a laugh and can’t hold back a huge grin.
“Sorry, I’m just fucking with you. Hi, I’m Jimmy, Cas’ twin brother.” He holds
out a hand which Dean warily accepts. Benny, Jo, and Charlie exchange
embarrassed looks but Jimmy doesn’t seem the least bit fazed by the mistake.
“Don’t worry about it, happens all the time. I’m just surprised Dean could tell
us apart. What gave me away? Is it that I’m more handsome? I bet it’s because
I’m more handsome.”
“Uhhh…” Dean’s saved from answering by Castiel’s appearance at the table. He
drops a beer off for his brother and offers his own to Dean. “Yes, please,
thank you.” He’s not even thirsty, but he needs something to distract him from
this situation.
Dean shuffles awkwardly on his feet for a bit while Castiel finishes off the
introductions and answers their questions about the fundraiser and show.
Castiel’s friend Anna is trying to help raise money for a local animal shelter,
and her band volunteered to play. They’re taking donations and the bar’s
donating half their profits from the evening to the cause. Which is all well
and good, but Dean can’t stop staring at Jimmy Novak.
Jimmy Novak, with nearly identical features to his brother but still somehow
completely different. Jimmy Novak, who speaks in a completely different
register from his brother and uses completely different words. Jimmy Novak, who
actually  gets  Dean’s jokes the first time without Dean needing to explain the
reference.
Jimmy fucking Novak.
“So is Cas still a serious stick in the mud in class?” Jimmy asks while nudging
Dean with his elbow.
“Huh?”
It’s just the two of them at their table right now. Cas took the others to
introduce them to Anna, and Dean had been too out of it to tag along.
“Cas was always super serious in high school. Wrote down everything the
teachers said, did his homework as soon as he got home, raised his hand for
every question… He still that bad or has he lightened up?”
“Oh. Uh, he’s kinda like that. But I think he already knows all of it, so he
doesn’t really take a lot of notes. Doesn’t raise his hand either, unless no
one else will.”
“Well, that’s a bit of an improvement, I guess.” Jimmy winks at Dean as he
takes another sip of his beer.
Dean’s screwed. Absolutely, completely, utterly screwed. He’s only a half hour
in, and he likes Jimmy just as much as he likes Cas. Which is actually kind of
surprising, because he thought he’d had a  huge  crush on Cas. The idea that he
could like his brother just as much so quickly…
Luckily, Jimmy’s chatty and doesn’t give Dean the chance to dwell on it too
much.
“So I hear you’re this super smart engineer who makes cars or something.”
“Or something,” he agrees. “I hear you’re Cas’ brother, and that’s about it.
Didn’t even know you were twins.”
“Cas tends to forget that little detail. It’s so normal to him, he forgets most
people don’t have an exact duplicate walking around.” Dean wants to remind him
that  he  could tell them apart, but Jimmy moves right along. “I work at a
greeting card company.”
“And what exactly does one do at a greeting card company?” Dean pictures Jimmy
sitting behind a desk doing accounting or marketing or something, wearing a
suit and tie like his brother. Though probably something a little more exciting
than a blue tie. Maybe he’s got Looney Tunes or a glow in the dark tie instead.
“I design the cards. I do the drawings and come up with the blurbs inside.”
“Wow that’s… that’s different.”
“Mmhmm. And I’m sure it sounds cool and fun and all that, but it’s boring as
fuck.”
Dean starts a little to hear Jimmy curse. Not that Castiel hasn’t dropped a few
f-bombs, but never so casually. “How come?”
“It’s repetitive. The same hackneyed endearments holiday after holiday. I’ve
tried to suggest new ones, but they’re not interested in anything offbeat. They
want the classics like,  To my dearest son on his birthday, you will always be
my little boy.  I’d rather write ones like  To my thirty-year old, freeloader
son on his birthday, I love you, but gtfo. ”
Dean chokes on his beer before bursting out in laughter. “You’re kidding right?
I mean, I really hope you’re not, but—”
“Oh, I’m fucking serious.” Jimmy pulls out his phone and pulls up some examples
of his work. He hands it over and lets Dean scroll through the ridiculously
hilarious and random cards. The puns are on point and the drawings are pretty
good. Definitely cartoon-y but perfect for the cards.
“These are pretty hilarious. How come your company won’t print them? That Star
Trek one was especially awesome.”
Jimmy shrugs as he closes his phone and puts it away. “No balls, no sense of
humor, no interest in listening to me make the same pitch again. Take your
pick. Can’t wait til Cassie’s done with school so I can quit and finally start
up our business.”
It takes a couple seconds for everything to click into place. “Cas is getting a
business degree.”
“Yeah.”
“To help you start up a business.”
“Also yes.”
“Where you’re going to sell greeting cards.”
“And flowers. You know, Cas may have oversold how smart you are.”
“Shut up,” he says automatically, though internally he beams at knowing Cas
thinks he’s smart and told his brother as much. “Flowers?”
“That’s Cas. He’s somewhat of a closet horticulturalist. Obviously we don’t
have a greenhouse or anything, but he and some of the other tenants have a
garden up on the roof of our building. He’s got a whole bunch of plants up
there. Mostly flowers, but some herbs and some other stuff. Besides, flowers
and cards go hand in hand, so it’s a good mix. I’ll do all the day to day shop
stuff, write the cards, and do advertising. Cas’ll do the flowers and the
books. He’s about as miserable as I am at his job, anyway, so we figured it was
time to make a change.”
“That’s pretty awesome, I gotta say. Good on you two, trying to do something
different and not settling for jobs you don’t like.”
“Not you though? You’re not taking classes to get a degree to escape a job you
don’t like?”
“I’m taking classes to get a degree to  keep  a job I love. Though I think in
the long run, it’s kind of the same thing.”
“Except you’re not miserable in the process.” Jimmy finishes off his beer. “You
want another one?”
“I’m good.”
The music’s about to start and he catches sight of Charlie’s red hair right up
front by the band. He considers going over, but he’s more than comfortable
where he is. And yeah, maybe he’s selfishly trying to steal some more time with
Cas (and now Jimmy, because apparently his stupid brain sees endless
possibilities with either of them  or both ), but he also doesn’t feel like
pushing his way through the crowd and getting all sweaty.
Jimmy’s barely gone when Castiel reappears. “Jimmy behaving himself?”
“Yeah.” Now that Dean’s gotten used to Jimmy’s voice, hearing Cas’ deep timbre
throws him off for a split second. “Tells me you two plan on going into
business together. How come you didn’t tell me that?”
Castiel shrugs. “I mentioned wanting to start a business, I’m sure. I suppose I
forgot to mention the specifics of it. Besides, Jimmy has more fun telling
people about it. It’s his baby, I’m just there to support him.”
“I thought you’d be doing the flowers.”
This makes Castiel’s eyes go wide and his ears go red. Did he manage to
actually  embarrass  Castiel? Unflappable, always composed Cas? Dean wants to
interrogate him more on the flower thing, but Cas cuts him off by pointing
toward the bar.
“I know he probably showed you some examples, but he only shows off the obvious
things like Valentine’s Day and Birthdays. You should ask him about his ‘unique
occasion’ cards.”
“Okay, I’ll bite. What the hell are ‘unique occasions’?”
Jimmy steps up to the table with a manic smile on his face. “Did someone say
‘unique occasions’?” He hands off his beer and shakes out his arms a little and
turns around. When he turns back, Jimmy starts talking in this cheesy, showman
voice. “Tired of not having a card to mark the  important —and not so
important—occasions in your life? Birthday cards are a dime a dozen, but where
are you going to turn to when you need something more  specific ? The answer is
simple: Greetings and Carnations, a store designed just for your apology,
celebratory, and other gift-related needs. Any time a situation arises that
calls for something more than a text message, don’t worry, we’ve got a card for
that.”
“Is he for real about that?” Dean asks Cas.
Cas is deadly seriously as he answers, “Yes. Tell him, Jimmy.”
Jimmy’s smile is so bright, so big and open, that it shouldn’t fit on a face
that looks like Cas’. But somehow, it does. “Accidentally forget to take out
the trash like your spouse asked? We’ve got a card for that. Get caught by your
boss at an amusement park on a sick day? We’ve got a card for that. Lose your
neighbor’s pet while they were on vacation? We’ve got a card for that. Your
boyfriend run out on you because he met his soulmate and you want to tell him
to suck it? Hell, we’ve got a card for that too!”
Any enjoyment Dean had in the situation dissolves right then and there. His
face freezes in this mix between amusement and pain.
The twins share an alarmed look before Jimmy blurts out, “Oh fuck, did that
happen to you?”
Dean counts to ten in his head and swallows the lump in his throat. He’s over
this. It’s been months. He’s over it. He just needs a second to calm down.
“Course not.” His voice is a bit shaky but he recovers quickly enough. “It was
uh… It was my girlfriend.”
“Well, I feel like a fucking asshole.”
“You  are  an asshole though.”
Jimmy pushes his brother. “Seriously, I’m sorry—”
“Don’t worry about it. You didn’t know. I’m over it, anyway.” That last part is
at least half true. That’s certainly an improvement. “Hey, the band’s starting
up.”
As the first few notes of the sound check start, Jimmy sheepishly takes the
offered out. He sends another apologetic look Dean’s way, but turns to face the
band. Cas places a hand on Dean’s shoulder and gives a quick squeeze. Dean sees
what he hopes is sympathy in Cas’ eyes. Hopefully it’s at least not pity.
        [https://68.media.tumblr.com/98aaf627725ef31b0f0d8794be2725f3/
                      tumblr_oqf0qkC9CM1uqhw14o2_540.jpg]
The rest of the evening’s pretty uneventful. Well, except for Jo making out
with Cas’ band friend Anna. That’s pretty hilarious, seeing Anna come back on
after the band took a break with her hair a mess and lipstick marks on her
neck. Jo’d very loudly announces how proud she is of her handiwork, and both
twins look impressed. It’s actually a welcome distraction, getting Cas and
Jimmy (and to a lesser extent, Dean himself) to forget about the whole Lisa
thing.
It still keeps him up that night, rolling around on his bed and cursing the
fact that he’s such a fucking mess over it.
(“You deserve better, Dean.”
“Shut  up , Sam.”)
A card arrives in Dean’s mailbox the next day in a plain blue envelope. Inside,
the card has a cartoon version of Jimmy with his foot in his mouth, holding a
purple and yellow pansy. An  actual  pansy, glued down gently enough that Dean
can pull it off without hurting it. Dean chuckles as he opens the card and
reads the handwritten note:
Dean,
Sorry for being an ass and not
 knowing when to shut the fuck up.
—  Jimmy
P.S. Told you  —  a card for every occasion ;)
He’s really starting to like this guy.
        [https://68.media.tumblr.com/98aaf627725ef31b0f0d8794be2725f3/
                      tumblr_oqf0qkC9CM1uqhw14o2_540.jpg]
Somehow Jimmy gets a hold of his number. The obvious suspect is Cas, but based
on the content of the message, he finds that unlikely. It’s not until later
that he learns that Jimmy got a hold of his number from Anna who got it from
Jo. But when he first gets a text from a strange number, he’s completely
baffled.
unknown number (10:01 am): did my brother send you porn for your birthday?
Dean W (10:49 am): Jimmy?
unknown number (10: 53 am): unless you get a lot of people’s brothers sending
you porn...
Dean snorts and goes ahead and enters a new contact into his phone.
Dean W (10:55 am): don’t judge me
Dean W (10:55 am): if anyone should be judged here it’s cas
Dean W (10:56 am): not gonna lie it was weird
Dean W (10:57 am): how do you even know about it?
Jimmy N (11:00 am): we only have one computer at the apartment and cas never
clears his browser history
Jimmy N (11:02 am): i know *i* wasn’t looking up “birthday boy spanking porn”
Dean W (11:05 am): … i am so fucking embarrassed
Jimmy N (11:07 am): i assume because you jerked off to said porn
Jimmy N (11:08 am): don’t worry i did too cas has good taste in porn
Dean W (11:11 am): you two are the weirdest fucking friends i’ve ever had i
swear to god
Jimmy N (11:12 am): uh huh
Jimmy N (11:12 am): sounds like you’ve got some disappointing friends
Jimmy N (11:13 am): if you’re not busy you should come out with us this weekend
Jimmy N (11:14 am): we’re going to a brewery
Jimmy N (11:15 am): maybe if you’re lucky cassie will be inspired to find you
more porn ;)
And just like that, he and Jimmy are friends.
As easily as Cas fit into his life, Jimmy does too. The three of them hang out
together on weekends like they’ve known each other forever. Dean and Cas still
go to the bar after class and work on assignments together, and it’s great.
Jimmy turns out to be a huge movie nerd, so he and Dean end up seeing movies
together, going to the theater every few weeks. He sees the twins so often
they’ve basically become part of his regular circle of friends. Hell, there are
weeks he sees them more than he sees Charlie, and they friggin  work  together.
And it sucks. He has a crush on both of them, and it isn't seeing them as two
halves of a whole or some insulting bullshit like that. He genuinely likes each
of them for themselves. He loves Cas' dry sense of humor and general pop
cultural aloofness, how his happiness or confusion or sadness is told by the
microcosms of his expression. His  eyes  tell it all. And then there’s Jimmy.
He loves Jimmy's inability to take anything seriously and his carefree, full-
bodied laugh he never tries to suppress. They’re both beautiful and smart and
kind and everything Dean could ever want...
But what’s the point of having a crush on one or even both of them if he’s
never going to  do  anything about it? It moved past a harmless crush a while
ago. He’s in so deep, he hasn’t  thought  about anyone but the twins in ages.
Not since he first saw Cas flush with alcohol, and certainly not since that
first time Jimmy winked at him over a beer bottle.
So he finds himself asking what his game plan is. What the fuck is he doing,
torturing himself if he’s never going to do anything about his stupid crush?
Crush es ? Ugh. It’s infinitely worse liking them both, having the temptation
doubled every time he hangs out with them. The temptation to just lean over
and—
And what? Kiss them? Ruin it all with one simple press of lips? Put an
expiration date on any relationship or hookup the moment it starts? Because you
gotta kiss the people you date, and no matter  what  promises you tell each
other, a non-soulmate relationship is built on nothing but doubt and fear. Fear
that the other person will leave to find someone better.
Hell, that’s exactly what Lisa did.
But what if you kiss them and —
It’s unfathomable. Dean’s made his peace with not having a soulmate. They’re so
rare . Common enough to get people’s hopes up, but not common enough for Dean
to hang his future on. And if he’s being honest with himself, the best case
scenario—that one of the twins is his soulmate—kind of sucks. Because he wants
them  both . The idea of only getting one, well, he’d rather have neither.
The idea of choosing between them breaks his heart a little, so he promises
himself he'll never do that.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean and Cas go to Germany
Chapter Notes
     Warning that this chapter contains a brief description of needles and
     an issue Jimmy had with them. If you get queasy with that type of
     thing, just a head's up.
“I hate you so fucking much. I hate you I hate you I hate this this is awful I
can’t fucking believe you talked me into this.”
Dean’s gripping the edges of his armrest so tightly his fingers have gone numb.
His eyes are squeezed shut and he sees bright spots dance around in the
blackness. The air smells recycled and artificial. And dry. Why is it so damn
dry?
“Dean.”
He ignores the deep rumble and goes back to humming Metallica.
“Dean.”
Nope, not gonna stop humming. Won’t open my eyes. Can’t. Just gonna sit here
for the next nine hours and hope we don’t die .
“Dean.”
Dean jumps in his seat, but it’s not the insistent calling of his name that
pulls him out of his own head. It’s the warm hand resting gently over his own.
He blinks down at it, trying to understand what he’s seeing. Cas’ hand. On top
of his hand.
He doesn’t know whether to relax at the soothing contact or tense up more. But
because it’s Cas , hiis body decides it doesn’t care about Dean’s internal
freakouts — whether flying or Cas related — and melts into the touch. He even
stops grinding his teeth, something he didn’t even realize he was doing until
his jaw loosens up with a soft pop.
“What’re you doing?” Dean whispers as he looks around. Nobody appears to be
paying them any mind. And why should they? It’s not like they can hear the way
Dean’s heart is jackhammering in his chest.
“Helping you relax. Since apparently you ‘hate me’ and ‘can’t believe I talked
you into this.’”
“Did I say that?”
“You said a lot of things.”
“Sorry.”
“I take it you’re not a fan of flying.”
“You could say that.”
Castiel chuckles. They’d aced their spring German course. After they’d handed
in their exams, Professor Werner had basically dragged them into her office and
demanded they sign up for the summer trip to Germany. It’s a credit course,
since there are actual lectures they need to attend, and they’ll be living in
Munich for six weeks. Castiel had immediately agreed and looked to Dean.
Dean put off making a decision, saying he’d have to see if he could get the
time off work. It’s not that Dean didn’t want to go to Germany. Or anywhere,
really. He liked to travel. But there were two very obvious problems with this
scenario. One being that he’d have to sit in plane for nine hours. Both ways.
And the other was he’d be rooming with Cas for six weeks. Six weeks.
But no only did his work give him the time off, they’d also offered to pay for
the whole course. Munich has its own BMW plant, and they were even willing to
pay for him to stay an extra week to tour the facilities and meet some of the
staff there. They hinted at the possibility of a transfer there once he
finished his degree.
Working on cars in Germany would basically be a dream come true.
Well, aside from the nightmare of actually getting to Germany.
“That’s too bad. If I’d known you were so scared of planes, I wouldn’t have
pushed you so hard to come.”
“It’s not like you had to twist my arm.” Dean still wants to get the fuck off
this plane, but talking helps a little. “I wanted to come. I just wish I could
drive there or take a train or something. Hell, a boat might’ve been a better
bet. Should’ve taken a cruise ship over.” They laugh at that, though Dean is at
least half serious. “Thanks for trying to help me calm down.”
“It was either that or listen to you babble like a madman for the next few
hours.” Ever so slowly, Cas’ thumb starts moving over Dean’s left hand. It
sends a tingle up Dean’s arm and he’s glad he’s wearing long sleeves because he
can feel the goosebumps rising along his skin. He gulps, and turns helplessly
to Cas.
Castiel, at least, seems unaware of how much Dean’s affected by the simple
movement.
“Don’t tell him I told you this, but Jimmy’s terrified of needles. He was fine
with them up until we were four. We were sick and very dehydrated, so our
parents took us to the hospital. They got us IVs to get us some fluids. Mine
was fine, but the nurse made a mistake putting his in. She missed the vein, so
all the water was just getting pumped into the skin on the back of his hand. He
kept complaining that it felt funny and it hurt, but they didn’t listen at
first. By the time they got around to it, his hand was swollen with the extra
fluid. And then they had to stick him with the needle again to put in another
IV line. Needless to say, he’s hated needles since then and isn’t a huge fan of
hospitals, either.”
“Yeah, can’t say I blame him.”
“Every time we went to the doctor as children, I held his hand in an effort to
calm him down.”
“Did it help?” As if Dean doesn’t already know from experience.
“A little. He still hated it and was shaking from how scared he was.” Softly,
Cas continues, “But he shook less. I don’t know what he does now that he’s
older. Mostly avoids going to the doctor, I suspect. He’d probably take me with
him if he could.”
Dean huffs a laugh. He can imagine it now, the twins as grown men going to the
doctor together just so Castiel can hold his brother’s hand and help calm him
down while a nurse gives him a flu shot. Maybe Castiel will wipe the sweaty
strands of hair from Jimmy’s brow, leaning down to kiss his arm better after—
Whoa, what the fuck was that? Shit shit shit abort—
“So what’re you afraid of?” Castiel quirks an eyebrow, but Dean plows right
ahead because there’s no way he’s giving himself time to think about that
mental image again. “I got planes, Jimmy’s got needles. What about you?”
Something dark crosses Castiel’s eyes, but he suppresses it quickly. For a
second, Dean doesn’t think he’s going to get an answer, but then Cas grits out,
“Balloons.”
“Balloons?” Dean repeats dumbly. Because seriously?
“Yes.”
“Oookay. There a story behind that, like with Jimmy and needles?”
“Is there a story behind you and planes?”
“Uh, there doesn’t need to be a story. We’re flying in a metal death trap
thousands of feet in the air over an ocean. Nothing about that sounds safe.
Balloons are… Well, they’re balloons man.”
Castiel offers no counter point, so Dean lets it go. Instead he files it away
to wonder about later.
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The rest of the flight isn’t nearly as bad. At some point Castiel steals his
hand back, but Dean’s too busy joking around with him that he doesn’t notice
until later when his hand is cold. The landing is absolutely awful. Dean has no
idea how the other passengers can be so calm as the plane jolts when it hits
the runway; this is the single most terrifying experience in the world.
The city itself is amazing. It’s early morning when they land, but Dean can see
the spark of life that he can’t wait to explore. He’s always loved traveling,
and he knows he’ll love seeing what Munich has to offer.
But his nerves are shot and he’s exhausted, so they immediately head to the
hotel. Dean hails a cab for them and is momentarily concerned that he doesn’t
actually know any German at all. The driver is definitely speaking German, but
Dean can only parse out every third word. Is his entire German career a lie?
Where his professors only humoring him? Has he made a terrible mistake coming
here?
Cas chuckles as he puts a reassuring hand on Dean’s shoulder and takes over,
easily communicating with the cabbie. For the first time in a long time, his
words dip into his Bavarian accent and the cabbie actually smiles at him.
“Glad you’re rooming with someone who speaks bayerisch?” Castiel jokes as they
settle in for the ride to their hotel.
“Now I am. I thought people were exaggerating how different the accent is.”
“You’ll get used to it.”
If Dean’s serious about working here, he’ll have to.
Their school has a whole floor of the hotel for students attending their
program. The hall is mostly empty at the moment. Classes don’t start for
another two days, and they know several of their fellow students won’t be
arriving until tomorrow. Which means it’s likely they only have each other for
company for at least the next twenty four hours.
Not that Dean’s complaining.
Cas trudges into their room and takes the bed closer to the windows without
even bothering to ask Dean. Dean’s actually amused at how presumptuous Cas is,
but doesn’t comment as he takes over the bed by the door. The room is decently
sized, with two double beds and enough space to walk around. He could do push
ups or yoga in one part if he were so inclined (he is not).
There’s only one desk, though. Dean figures he’ll offer it to Castiel. In
college he was perfectly content to sit on his bed and do homework, and he
doesn’t think it’ll be much different now. As he swings his suitcase onto his
bed, his back protests. Okay, maybe it’s a little different now.
By the time Dean’s unpacked— no way he’s going to leave his clothes stuffed in
his bags to wrinkle —Cas has stripped down to nothing but his boxers and is
sprawled out face down on his bed. He didn’t even bother getting under the
covers, instead wrapping his arms around a pillow and melting into the bed. Cas
doesn’t so much snore as breathe loudly as he sleeps, the sound of every inhale
and exhale filling the empty spaces in the room.
Dean’s never seen so much of Cas’ skin before. At class he’s always in his
suit. When they hang out, he tends to stick to button down shirts and sweaters
that hide his frame. His arms are huge ; thick biceps that were made for all
sorts of things Dean’s not sure he should let himself imagine. Like holding him
down and riding him. Apparently his pants weren’t doing him justice, either,
because Dean now has full view of muscular thighs and a tight but rounded ass.
His sigh is the only thing loud enough to drown out Cas’ not-snoring. Thank god
Cas is asleep and didn’t catch him staring. Dean turns away and crawls into his
own bed. As he nods off, he desperately tries not to think of doing things to
that beautiful ass or how strong those thighs must be.
It’s gonna be a long seven weeks.
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It takes two weeks for it to happen. Two weeks of sharing a small hotel room,
watching Cas come back from a run with sweat soaked clothes and shorts that are
just too damn short. Two weeks of catching glimpses of him dripping wet with a
towel slung low over his hips. Two weeks of waking up to an eyefull of Cas’
morning wood because the guy always managed to shrug off his blankets during
the night.
Two weeks of furiously jerking off every morning during his shower just to take
the edge off. Because as attracted as he was to Cas before, living in close
quarters with him only serves to amplify it tenfold.
Their classes— as difficult as they are, with the intensive speaking practice,
cultural excursions, and papers —are a welcome relief. Because working his ass
off means he’s too tired when they get back each evening to stare at Cas
changing into his worn tee and sweats for bed. Okay he’s never too tired for
that, but if he’s lucky his dick’s too tired to get hard.
The point is, Dean’s reached his breaking point. He’s thinking of heading out
to a Biergarten to pick up a local hookup (which is admittedly on his bucket
list, to hook up with a European chick or dude while in Europe) because jerking
off is not cutting it. Not when the hands he pictures on him are right on the
other side of the door.
Oh fuck what would it feel like to have Cas and Jimmy —
Jesus fucking Christ he needs to get laid.
Dean decides on a Friday evening for obvious reasons. He even spends his lunch
break looking up decent pick up lines on his phone while Cas goes on and on
about the Reunification. And so he won’t feel guilty about it later, he gets
right to work on their homework once they’re back in the hotel after dinner.
So of course, the second he’s packing up his things and planning out what he’s
going to wear, a huge boom of thunder rings out. Then there’s the unmistakable
sound of rain pelting the building. His whole posture slumps over in defeat.
Great, at least another day of unresolved sexual tension.
And yeah, part of him is admittedly pretty stoked about that. It’s not like
he’s gotten bored of watching movies or TV with Cas. But he’d had his heart set
on getting more action than his own right hand. Whatever.
Plopping down on his bed, Dean grabs for the TV remote from their shared
nightstand and throws it at Castiel. He pouts through three random shows that
he doesn’t follow (not because of the German, more because he has no friggin
clue why there are dinosaurs in this one show and he doesn’t have the energy to
find out).
After the last show ends, Castiel turns off the TV and carefully puts the
remote back. Dean watches him, suddenly feeling like he’s a gazelle being
stalked by a lion. He’d shiver, but that would mean acknowledging the look in
Cas’ eyes.
Never turning his gaze away, Castiel sits up and faces Dean. "Wollen wir ein
bisschen rummachen?" he asks far too casually.
Dean’s heart stops. “What?”
“I said, wollen wir ein bisschen rummachen? It means—”
“I know what it means,” he sputters, thinking back to the long list of pickup
lines he was reading early. “You wanna… you wanna fool around with me? I didn’t
even know you were into guys.” Yes yes yes I want to please—
Castiel shrugs. “I’m flexible. And horny. We’re roommates, and I can hear how
often you’ve been masturbating, so I know you’re horny too. We could help each
other out?”
“I don’t… I’m not really looking for—”
“This is just about sex, Dean. I mean, I like you and all that, but I’m not
looking for more right now.”
“Oh thank god,” Dean breathes out. He so badly wants to get his hands on Cas,
but without the pressure of dating. Wondering when not being soulmates will be
enough to keep them together. It kind of feels like having his cake and eating
it too.
“No kissing, though,” Dean says firmly. “On the lips, I mean. I don’t care
about anywhere else.”
Cas raises an eyebrow at that. He looks at Dean’s lips, almost in
disappointment, but gives in without much of a fight. “Of course, Dean.”
Despite Cas’ earlier bravado and Dean’s rapidly hardening dick, they come
together hesitantly. It’s hard to know where to start without a kiss, but Cas
dips down to nibble under Dean’s jaw line as his fingers work themselves under
his shirt. Dean falls backwards and pulls Cas with him. Probably not the best
idea, since he’s sandwiched between Castiel and the bed as he tries to wiggle
out of his pants. The important thing, though, is he gets them off and then
Cas’ hands are on him again, roaming farther south as his lips trail after.
Dean’s mesmerized by Cas tongue as it licks a stripe up his cock. Cas looks up
at him through his eyelashes before mouthing at the head. “You look so good
when you do that,” Dean whispers. He grabs the base of his dick and holds it up
in invitation. Cas chuckles but accepts, swallowing him down expertly and
making Dean arch off the bed. “Fuck, Cas. Fuck fuck fuck keep going, don’t
stop.”
He loses himself in the feeling of Cas’ mouth around him, his fingers massaging
at his balls and then dipping down to trace along his rim. He doesn’t even
realize he’s babbling til Cas pulls away with a grunt.
“Gonna have to shut you up,” Cas growls. Before he can ask what he means by
that, Cas practically tears off his pants and turns around on the bed. His cock
hovers an inch above Dean’s mouth, precome dripping down and making Dean lick
his lips eagerly. “What are you waiting for?” Cas teases as he makes a shallow
thrust along Dean’s cheek. “Let’s put that mouth of yours to good use.”
Dean doesn’t need to be told twice. He starts by licking Cas from root to tip,
using his hands to massage Cas’ ass and hold his hips steady. Content that
Dean’s doing a good job, Castiel takes Dean into his mouth again. Dean moans
and desperately wants to return the favor, so he tilts his head, opening his
mouth to let Cas push in. They mimic each other, subtly trying to first give
and then take control as they speed up or slow down or merely hold the other’s
cock deep in their throats, hands doing all the work as they tease or push into
the other’s rim.
It’s no surprise that Dean breaks first, letting his jaw go slack and hoping
Cas will take over. He does, fucking gladly into Dean’s mouth as he does his
best to blow Dean with just as much enthusiasm. As if a reward for giving in,
Cas comes first. Salty come streaks the inside of his cheeks, trickles down his
tongue and makes him swallow reflexively.
Cas so vigorously thrusts into Dean’s hole that Dean has this idea that Cas is
offended he hasn’t come yet. He tries to pull out, probably to find a better
position, but Dean whimpers and wraps his arms around Cas’ waist, trapping his
dick in Dean’s mouth. The resulting groan that reverberates straight through
Dean’s dick has him spilling.
Only after Cas has licked him clean does Dean let him go, softening cock
finally slipping free of his mouth. Cas collapses on the bed next to Dean and
pants heavily. Not that Dean’s in better shape. He swears he sees stars and
hasn’t quite come down from his orgasm yet. Fucking amazing.
“We should do that again,” Dean gasps, too exhausted to move.
“Oh, don’t worry,” Cas responds with a laugh. “We’ve still got four more weeks.
I’m sure we’ll find the time.” He pats Dean’s leg affectionately, pads of his
fingers digging in to rub briefly and hand lingering perhaps a beat too long.
But then he’s pushing off the bed and grabbing their scattered clothes.
“Yeah?” He doesn’t even flinch when Cas tosses Dean’s pants onto his face. He’s
still boneless, happily sated, so he laughs off the childish gesture.
“Whenever you’re game for some ‘roommate quality time’, I’m sure we can arrange
something.”
“I know there are pants on my face, but I totally know you just used air
quotes.”
The swat he receives isn’t nearly as gentle as the earlier contact had been.
All it does is pull a laugh from Dean. Grounds him, even. Because it’s the
perfect reminder that whatever’s going on between them doesn’t have to change a
thing.
And it doesn’t. Over the next few weeks, their relationship is exactly the
same. In class they work together, at meals they talk, and Cas is more than
happy to tag along with Dean to tour the car facilities at the plant. No one
seems to notice a difference or comment on anything being out of the ordinary.
They’re still just Dean and Cas. Hell, even after the sex there’s nothing
different. They’ll clean themselves up and go back to their beds, turn on the
TV and joke around with each other until one of them passes out.
But in those heated moments, they’re something else entirely. As soon as the
door to their hotel room is closed, Cas’ hands are down Dean’s pants to stroke
him to full hardness and knead his ass. Then their clothes are gone (or pushed
out of the way, at least) and they’re going at it.
It’s nothing but vigorous sex in a variety of ways that leaves Dean more than
satisfied. Sometimes it’s just the quick exchange of handjobs then back to
homework and studying. Sometimes it’s a blowjob while one watches TV, then they
switch positions (though admittedly, they tend to spend more time running their
hands through the other’s hair and watching as they bob back and forth more
than they actually watch the show).
Dean’s favorite, though, is when Cas appears from the bathroom and saunters
over to his bed, dropping his towel to reveal the black end of a butt plug.
He’s nailed Cas into both of their beds so many times he’s surprised their
neighbors haven’t complained. He’ll push Cas down and lift up his ass, pushing
in without any extra lube just to draw out an extra deep groan from Castiel.
Then he’ll drape over his back and build up a rhythm until the headboard’s
banging against the wall.
They always fuck that way, with Dean behind Cas and plowing into him as hard
and rough as he can. Cas likes the angle, likes it rough, and Dean likes that
he can lean down to kiss Cas without the temptation of drifting too close to
his mouth. Those dry lips always pursed so beautifully, making Dean want to
move those extra few inches and—
And ruin things. He doesn’t know how, but he knows it will. They’re not even
dating, so what is there to ruin? They’re friends that fuck. It’s assumed that
they’re not soulmates. Hell, what they’re doing isn’t anything close to dating.
The most romantic it gets is when Cas will gently tuck Dean’s dick back into
his pants and zip him up. Sure, they lavish each other with kisses during sex,
but half of them are nips followed by the warning scrape of teeth over the
tender skin, so it doesn’t exactly count as romantic.
But there’s still some underlying potential in what they are. The potential to
transition from casual fucking to casual dating. Then into serious dating. And
then, after Dean’s put all his hopes and plans for the future in a relationship
with Cas, it’ll all come crashing down. So Dean steadfastly keeps to his no
kissing rule. He’d rather have the illusion of that potential than have it
crushed for good.
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As the program’s winding down, after he and Cas have made use of pretty much
every horizontal surface in their shared hotel room (and a couple of the
vertical ones—Cas is very enthusiastic about shower and wall sex), a small
parcel arrives in the mail. It’s from Jimmy but addressed to both of them.
Inside are about twenty little American flags, a stuffed bald eagle, a
ridiculous sketch of George Washington as a pinup model, and a card for each of
them.
Cas snorts at his card and puts it up on his side of the nightstand. Dean has a
nearly identical one, and he figures he can guess pretty easily what the
differences are.
The front of the card is a cartoon Jimmy again, holding up a bouquet in each
hand with confetti falling all around. Both the bouquets and the confetti
aren’t drawn in like the rest of the card, but are made of little pieces of
dried flower petals. He holds off looking inside for a second, letting the
anticipation build.
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Dean’s not disappointed. When he reads the short note, he chuckles and rolls
his eyes. Apparently both of the Novak brothers are pervs.
Dean,
Congrats on banging my brother!
 Try not to break a hip or something ;)
— Jimmy
A card for every occasion indeed.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean's past
Despite having a January birthday, Dean was always younger than most of his
peers. When his family moved from Lawrence, they’d found that Dean’s new second
grade class was actually a decent bit behind his old one. After a lot of
complaining with the administration, Dean was bumped up a grade. He went from
being the oldest in his class to being the youngest, and at a new school no
less.
Funny how that works.
It didn’t actually matter all that much. He settled in pretty quickly and made
friends the first day. After a few short weeks, he was glad his parents had
made him skip a grade. How else would he have met Charlie, Benny, Jo, and
Garth? The five of them were inseparable all through school. Word spread from
elementary to middle school teachers about them—when a new school year started
and the five of them would walk into class together, the teacher would roll
their eyes and make a note on their seating chart.
Dean never went through the girls have cooties stage of his life, though there
had definitely been times he wondered about Charlie and Jo, but he’d never
really had any interest in dating. There’d been some tentative hand-holding
with some girls (and guys) in middle school, sure, but even at the time they
hadn’t counted it as “dating.” Dean stayed away from all that, especially after
the drama that surrounded Becky and her myriad of boyfriends.
But then there was Cassie Robinson.
They’d gone to different middle schools and didn’t even meet until sophomore
year when they had American Government together. And damn. Dean never stood a
chance.
Cassie was beautiful and sweet but fiery and everything Dean could hope for in
a girlfriend. He’d shyly asked her out, admittedly a little intimidated by her,
and couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day when she’d said yes. They
were inseparable after that. She turned sixteen a few months before him, and
that’s when it went started going downhill.
Because when kids hit sixteen, everything changes. Soulmates weren’t just some
distant thing you heard about in school or saw in the movies. It was something
you might have. And as soon as midnight hit on your sixteenth birthday, you
were raring to go out there and find them.
But neither Cassie nor Dean were worried. In a few months, Dean would turn
sixteen. They were naive and romantic enough to think that it’d all come
together. They’d go out to celebrate Dean’s birthday. They’d kiss, sparks would
fly, and they could start planning out their happily ever after and all that.
January 24th rolled around. Dean, Cassie, and a bunch of friends went out to
celebrate. Just like they planned, they snuck away from the crowd.  Found a
cozy little corner of the restaurant. Leaned forward to kiss and—
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Kissing Cassie used to be his favorite thing, and now it was empty. Proof that
they weren’t meant to be together. Because once kids are acquainted with the
idea of soulmates, they’re not willing to settle for anything less. Certainly
not at sixteen, when there’s still so much time left to find their one true
match.
But the first time always hurt the most. It hurt because it had felt like they
were soulmates. They got along so well. They finished each other’s sentences,
they had the same interests, they got along with the other’s friends, the whole
deal. What else could there be beyond that?
In frustration, Dean had leaned down to kiss her again. Maybe it hadn’t worked
the first time. Maybe it’d work the second or third or tenth. Still nothing.
“It’s alright, Dean,” Cassie said as she hugged him tight. “It doesn’t matter.
I still love you. I still want to be with you.”
“Yeah,” Dean agreed, wrapping his arms around her. “Me too.”
Of course it didn’t matter, they comforted each other. So few people actually
had soulmates to begin with. It could be meaningless, right? What they had was
still special. It could last.
They broke up a few weeks later.
The way Cassie nervously chewed her bottom lip was forever ingrained in Dean’s
mind. How she apologized and said she changed her mind. That she didn’t want to
give up on finding her soulmate yet. Then she’d kissed him on the cheek and
wished him the best.
Dean didn’t cry or sulk or anything like that. He took it like a man. Which
means he buried his pain deep down and tried not to think about it. Walked
around feeling numb and empty, but since that seemed better than the
alternative, he didn’t complain.
His friends noticed because how could they not. He wasn’t exactly subtle about
the way he avoided Cassie and scowled at the mention of soulmates.
So they dragged him to his first soulmate party. It was super in vogue amongst
teengers to have kissing parties; what better way to find your soulmate, right?
They tended to be pretty big, everyone bringing along friends from out of town
so there was more of a chance of finding “the one.” Dean never thought he’d
find himself here, in Gordon’s basement sitting in a circle playing spin the
bottle at a friggin soulmate party, but it wasn’t exactly the first
disappointment life had dealt him.
And certainly not the last.
Over the remainder of high school, he endured party after party. One sloppy,
awkward kiss after another. Dozens of kisses later, it didn’t even faze him
anymore. Kiss a girl, nothing. Kiss a guy, nothing. Kiss his friends (“Just to
be sure, Dean!” Jo huffed in annoyance. “A girl’s gotta be thorough!”),
nothing. He swore one day he’d be so fed up with kissing, he’d cut his damn
lips off. (“Don’t be so dramatic, you grump!” Charlie encouraged. “You’ll find
someone!”)
Worse than never finding his own soulmate was actually seeing it happen for
other people right in front of him. Charlie met Dorothy through one of the damn
parties. A quick peck on the cheek had ended with the two staring wide-eyed at
each other, then immediately going in for more. He’d hooted and hollered with
the rest of the party-goers, genuinely excited for his friend, but feeling even
more empty.
Then it’d happened a few weeks later. Becky nearly attacked Chuck, someone’s
third cousin or something who was attending the party. They’d kissed and Becky
had stood up shouting in triumph, saying she’d felt the sparks. Strangely,
Chuck looked less than convinced about the whole thing, but that was probably
more his surprise at learning his soulmate was basically a blond ball of manic
energy.
The kissing parties were still very much a thing once he got to college. With a
student body of thousands, of course they were all interested in kissing
everyone they could get their hands on. His first week of class, a girl was
literally walking down the hallway grabbing every guy she came across and
kissing him on the lips. Dean had never been more relieved when he’d felt
nothing during a kiss. The girl had seemed mildly disappointed, but she moved
on to the next guy with no more than a shrug.
For the first few years of undergrad, he still had the hope that it’d happen
for him.
It didn’t.
He adjusted his hopes accordingly. Maybe he didn’t have to meet his soulmate,
maybe just someone close enough that they wouldn’t mind that it wasn’t perfect.
Who wasn’t so young and naive that they weren’t willing to settle for someone
who was a little less than their perfect match. Maybe someone else used to
disappointment and not wanting to deal with that anymore. Someone who would
willingly take the uncertainty that maybe their soulmate was out there, in
exchange for the certainty that what they had was a good thing.
Dean was lucky enough to find a few people willing to try. There was Aaron and
Lydia and even Benny for a hot minute. But they’d all ended the same way. With
the other wanting more than the comfortable relationship they’d built for
themselves. Honestly, after it was over, Dean always felt used. Like he was a
place holder, only there to help their ego recover from not having found their
soulmate. Then once they were ready to try again, they dumped him like it was
nothing.
Fuck, some of them were even surprised that Dean thought their promises and
commitments had been serious.
“Those are just things you say,” Lydia had said incredulously. “Everyone says
it. Why did you believe it?”
“I thought you’d grow out if it,” Aaron admitted sheepishly. “Kinda figured you
would.”
At least with Benny it’d been kind of mutual. They’d each been coming off of a
bad breakup, soulmate related of course, and they’d gotten to talking. They
figured the best chance a non-soulmate relationship had was if the two had
started out as friends first. So they gave it a try. After a week, they
realized that everything beyond the sex felt forced. Benny’s heartfelt, “Sorry,
brother,” actually came as a relief.
But Lisa… Lisa had been the worst.
Mostly because she’d been the best. Everything he’d ever wanted in a
relationship. She was hot and interesting and sweet and smart and wasn’t even
remotely interested in soulmates. Hell, they’d only ever kissed because Dean
had pushed for it a few months into dating. One kiss and no sparks, and Lisa
had smiled sweetly at him. “Sorry, babe. I hope you’re not too disappointed. It
doesn’t have to change anything between us.”
And Dean, idiot that he was, had believed her. He’d heard her tell him about
her own bad luck finding a soulmate, and her utter disgust with the whole
process. Lisa swore up and down she’d stopped caring about it years ago. She’d
been left as many times as Dean over it, and she was done. Soulmate shmoulmate,
if she had one, the guy could keep waiting forever because she had Dean.
It was probably so easy to believe Lisa about that because she had genuinely
believed it. Maybe it took a while for him to settle into being comfortable
with Lisa, especially after Aaron and Lisa had made the same claims, but in the
end, he couldn’t help but trust her. Trust that she had faith in them making
it.
And then it all fell apart.
At Lisa’s office party that December, there’d been all the usual holiday
decorations. A Christmas tree in the corner, decorated with candy canes. Ugly
Santa and Elf hats that everyone wore with good humor. Terrible sweaters (he
and Lisa had gone ahead and gotten a couple’s set—Lisa wore the front half of a
reindeer and Dean had the back end). A menorah by the entryway bathing everyone
in blue light as they come in. A table with dreidel games by the ornament
decorating station.
Mistletoe hanging by the hot chocolate…
It was completely innocent. Dean knew that. Fuck, he’d been standing right
there . Of course he knew. Didn’t make it hurt any less when random guy from
sales was caught standing under the mistletoe with Lisa. The crowd had chanted
kiss! kiss! kiss! until they’d laughingly agreed. Just a quick peck on the lips
to appease their coworkers.
Lisa’s eyes had gone wide and so had the guy’s. Dean had seen it happen before
so he knew right then and there.
To her credit, Lisa came back home with him and talked it over. She didn’t even
know the guy. What did it matter, right?
“Well, that’s great that I’m losing to a fucking stranger, but it doesn’t
exactly change that I’m going to lose in the end.”
“Dean… I’m not leaving you.”
“Yeah right,” Dean laughed bitterly. “Maybe not today or tomorrow or even in a
month from now. But they’re called soulmates for a reason. You’ll leave
eventually.”
They argue all night, but Dean was firm. If his heart was going to be broken,
he’d rather have it be now instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Wondering every day if this would be the day Lisa walked out on him.
Lisa packed up a bag and promised she’d come by while he was at work to get the
rest of her things. Lingering at the door, she’d looked back and whispered,
“I’m sorry Dean. I would’ve loved it to have been you.” Then she walked out of
his life as though she hadn’t left a gaping hole in it.
Last he’d heard, Lisa and her mystery soulmate were engaged and expecting a
kid. Lisa was out there living the life that they’d planned on building
together with some other guy.
After he found that out, Dean swore he wouldn’t put himself in that position
again. He’d stick to casual dating and one night stands. No kissing, no
exceptions.
With his track record, he probably wasn’t cut out for much more than that,
anyway.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean gets to know Jimmy better
 They keep it up throughout the rest of their stay. The program ends and
they’re so relieved they barely make much use of the extra week they’ve given
themselves. Dean takes more visits to the BMW facilities and talks to some of
their engineers, and Cas takes a couple days to go to Mittenwald. After
visiting his former au pair and her family, he marches back into their hotel
room, pushes Dean onto his bed and blows him. Then for good measure, Cas looms
over him and jerks off right on top of Dean’s spent cock.
It’s so damn hot Dean just about loses his mind.
And it drives home how this thing with Cas is pretty much ideal. There’s sex
and maybe a few feelings, but mostly just sex. Cas seems genuinely
disinterested in dating Dean (or anyone else for that matter). It’s the two of
them getting each other off and then hanging out or studying together
afterwards.
The only weird part is when they first get back home.
Dean takes some cold medicine on the flight to knock himself out. Partly for
his fear of flying, partly because he’s too scared Castiel will make good on
his promise to make them members of the mile high club. He’s pretty sure the
mix of adrenaline and endorphins from getting blown in the cramped airplane
bathroom would kill him.
So the whole flight home, he doesn’t have time to think about things. But as
they wait in baggage claim, he starts to wonder if this friends with benefits
thing they’ve got going on is  still  going on. Was that a Germany only thing?
Does Dean even  want  it to keep happening now that they’re back home?
He’s got himself so worked up that he’s a bundle of nerves when Jimmy’s car
pulls up to pick them up. They stuff their bags in the trunk and dance
awkwardly around each other as they try to figure out who’s going to sit where.
Jimmy groans and steps between them, physically pushing his brother into the
back seat while opening the passenger door for Dean.
“So…” Jimmy starts with the faked nonchalance. “How was the trip?”
“I texted you every day,” Castiel says from the backseat, fiddling with his
phone. From what Dean’s learned over the past month, all Cas uses his phone for
is texting and playing word games. And he’s guessing that right now it’s
Scrabble. “You know how it was.”
“Uh huh, you sure did. Thrilling play by play of your coursework and TV binge
watching. Thank you for that.” Jimmy shakes his head in exasperation. “And
you’re an idiot if you think I’m asking about the actual trip and not about you
two banging. Or not banging. I wasn’t getting a whole lot of updates on that.
You can text me what you ate for dinner but forget to tell me if you two are
still blowing each other on the regular.”
He throws a look to Dean that screams  Brothers, amiright?
Dean’s starting to wish he’d taken a cab.
Castiel doesn’t even look up from his phone. “And you decided now would be the
most appropriate time to bring it up? While we’re trapped in a car with you?”
If Dean didn’t know Cas as well as he did, he’d think he was pissed at his
brother. As it is, he can hear the subtle difference telling him it’s annoyed
amusement rather than actual anger.
“You two were just trapped on a plane for a million hours together, don’t
pretend like I’m springing this on you.” Jimmy looks in the rearview mirror.
Dean sees his grin melt into shock, then it begins to mirror the same
discomfort he’s been feeling since he got in the car. “Shit, you guys haven’t
seriously talked about this yet, have you?”
“No, we have not,” Dean says.
Jimmy shoots him an apologetic look. “Whoops.”
“Dean slept the whole ride back. He was out cold before we even took off. I had
to physically pull him out of his seat to wake him up.”
“Okay, that’s a hilarious mental image that I may or may not use in an upcoming
card.” He turns pointedly to Dean, silently warning him that  he  might need
use of that very card. “But should I make myself scarce for a bit so you two
can talk?”
“While you’re driving?” Castiel asks incredulously, finally looking up from his
phone.
Dean twists around in his seat to get a better look at Cas, to gauge how he
feels about talking it out. “I think he meant when he drops me off.”
“Oh.” Castiel doesn’t fidget or break eye contact or so much as blink. He
simply remains there, cool as a cucumber. Watching Dean carefully, he
continues, “There’s no need. I don’t mind having an audience. I’d like to
continue having intercourse with you, if at all possible. I understand that we
haven’t yet discussed the longevity of such an arrangement, but now that we’re
back—”
“Oh my  god . Your brother is literally right here.” Dean reaches out and
shakes Jimmy’s shoulder, as though he’s not terribly convinced that’s true.
Maybe he’s still on the plane, having some flu med induced hallucination.
“I know.” Castiel shrugs. “He already knows we’ve had sex. I’m sure he’d find
out if we continue to do so or stop. Why wait until he’s out of earshot, only
for him to find out afterwards?”
Dean gaps at Castiel. He’s learned firsthand that Cas doesn’t have a whole lot
of boundaries, at least not when it comes to sex, but the idea of hashing this
out with Cas’  twin  right there? That’s weird, even for him.
“Don’t even ask how awkward it was sharing a prom limo with him,” Jimmy mutters
under his breath. “Don’t mind me. Pretend I’m not listening. Fuck, speak in
German for all I care. I don’t remember anything other than  time for a bath
and  be nice to your brother. ” Jimmy’s Bavarian accent is even thicker than
Castiel’s, though that may just be a side effect of him not actually speaking
the language.
“Would you like that, Dean?”  Castiel chuckles in German. “ Would you like to
take a bath?”
“I might not know how, but I’m ninety percent sure you somehow took what I just
said and made it dirty.”
Dean’s head is about to explode.
“Okay, you.” He points sternly at Jimmy and hopes he looks appropriately
menacing. “Drive. Listen or don’t listen, I don’t give a shit, but for the love
of god stop talking.”
Jimmy mimes sealing his lips and throwing away the key. Only when Dean’s
convinced Jimmy’s attention is (mostly) on the road, does he turn back to Cas.
When he points at him, his expression softens a little. “And you… I am totally
fine with doing what we’ve been doing, but we might wanna discuss…  logistics
.”
“Well, I’d prefer your place since I’m curious about the memory foam—”
“I  meant, ” Dean interrupts, equal parts fond and  done  with this whole
conversation, “maybe we should talk boundaries. Like not talking about this
sort of personal stuff in front of your brother. I don’t like airing my dirty
laundry for the peanut gallery over here. No offense, Jimmy.”
Jimmy nods and happily answers… except his mouth is shut so all it is is
meaningless noise. Castiel kicks his seat and Jimmy rolls his eyes while
unlocking his mouth. “I said, none taken.” There’s another kick that does
nothing to dampen Jimmy’s shit-eating grin.
“What? I can’t talk with my mouth sealed shut.” Dean joins in the abuse and
hits Jimmy’s bicep. Even so, he can’t fully suppress a chuckle. “I see why you
like him, Cassie, he’s hot when he’s feisty.”
“I know.” Fuck, is Cas actually  smug ?
“Would you two  not  gang up on me? It’s not fair.” Dean throws his hands up in
defeat and leans back against the headrest.
The silence that follows lasts a whole twenty seconds before Jimmy stage
whispers, “He sounds a little tense. Think you got enough room to reach around
the seat and give him a hand job to calm him down?”
“I would if he asked, but I suspect that’s an example of the ‘personal stuff’
he would rather not do in front of you.” Dean doesn’t even have to look to know
Castiel’s pleased expression.
Rubbing his temples, Dean sinks further into his seat. “Ugh, you two are gonna
kill me.”
The brothers laugh all the way back to Dean’s place.
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The first time they fuck after getting back, things are still awkward. Mostly
because having sex with a friend while overseas seemed reasonable and normal.
Okay, maybe not  normal , but still. Continuing to have sex with your friend
once you’re back home stretches into unfamiliar territory for him.
The closest he’s had to a “friends with benefit” situation is Benny, and that
was a term that could only really be applied after the fact since at the time
they were legitimately trying to date.He and Cas are definitely  not  trying to
date. It’s them behaving the same as always, except now there’s sex. In Dean’s
living room. And bedroom. And once a handjob at the movies.
It’s jarring, is all. Luckily his dick doesn’t have the same reservations as
him and performs admirably in the wake of his internal freakout.
After that, it’s pretty easy. They hang out like usual, but if they’re alone at
Dean’s place, it’ll usually result in some kind of sex. Occasionally, Cas will
text or call for a booty call. There are a few time Dean does the same—mostly
because he’s so desperate to hear those breathy moans Cas makes when he’s
getting close, Dean can’t get enough of it—but it’s something he tries not to
indulge in too much.
Either way, their booty calls usually end up with them watching a movie or
getting dinner together. It blurs the lines of ‘friends with benefits’ and
‘friends that are dating’ a little more than Dean’s comfortable with. Which is
why he firmly ignores it.
They’re in bed one night, recovering from a rather enthusiastic round of sex
against the wall, when Cas sighs. “This was fun, but we’re probably going to
have to cut back once the semester starts.”
With their proficiency exams looming ahead, that’s not a bad idea. Still stings
a bit, especially since the marathon sex they’d had in Germany has already
fizzled out to a weekly thing. There hasn’t been as much time and opportunity
as when they were roommates. Half the time they see each other, they’re out or
with other people, and neither situation exactly lends itself to a quickie.
Never mind that Cas hasn’t seemed as horny as in Germany, either. Dean’s
thought a lot about that, trying to figure out the cause. Maybe it was the
close quarters that got him worked up. Or being overseas. Or maybe Cas has
another hookup in town, and between this other person and Dean, he’s sated and
doesn’t need more.
If Dean had the balls, he’d ask Cas about it. He has no doubt Cas would answer
truthfully. The guy’s too blunt to sugarcoat things either. Hell, there might
even be an invitation for a threesome in there, too. Dean’s not ready to handle
any  of that, so he pretends it’s not an issue.
“Dean?”
It’s  not  an issue, anyway. It’s not like they’re dating. Because Dean
Winchester doesn’t date. No exceptions.
“Dean, are you listening?”
Maybe he should make one.
“Huh?” He snaps back to reality.
“Are you alright with that? Not having sex as often once classes start up
again?”
“Yeah, that’s cool. Between work, studying, and school I won’t have much time,
anyway.”
“Mmm,” Castiel hums as he does a full body stretch. Joints pop and his muscles
roll smoothly beneath taut skin. The man’s a work of art. “Me neither. I’ve
doubled my course load. I really want to graduate in December if possible.
Hopefully I can manage the work, otherwise I might have to drop a class.”
“Well good luck.” Dean yawns into arm as his eyes droop. There’s no point in
asking Castiel to stay. He never spends the night. As predicted, he squeezes
Dean’s ass and hops off the bed to fetch his clothes. “I expect an invite to
your graduation party.”
“Of course.”
Dean isn’t even surprised when he wakes up and finds a video waiting for him.
As soon as he sees it’s from Cas, he’s got a suspicion about what he’ll find
when he clicks it.
Cas must have a bondage thing going on, because there’s a man tied to a chair.
He’s wearing nothing but a graduation cap and gown, the front tented obscenely.
His graduation cap is tipped over his eyes making it impossible for him to see
the two men standing on either side of him. They proceed to take turns fucking
into the man’s mouth, sharing him readily and praising what a good job he does
with their cocks.
In the end, the one on the left takes over and starts pounding into his throat
while the guy on the right jerks off onto his face and cap. It’s so fucking
hot, Deans thrusting into his mattress, working a hand between his body and the
sheets and coming all over himself just as the video ends.
Cas really does have mighty fine taste in porn.
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He barely sees Cas for the next week or so. They both have work and school, and
now that they’re not taking German anymore, their schedules never seem to line
up. There are a few Skype calls to practice for the proficiency exam (which may
or may not end in video sex).
And all that time without  really  seeing Castiel face to face gives Dean ample
time to freak out about the fact that Cas had sent him a  threesome  porn vid.
Is he trying to test the waters, see if maybe Dean would be open to something
like that?
All these scenarios play out in his head. Cas introducing him to whoever else
he might be fucking. The three of them having the sort of friends with benefit
thing he and Cas currently do. The filthy things Cas would convince Dean and
this other man (or woman?) to do to each other, to him…
But then his worst fears conjure up something completely different. Of a
Castiel who finds his soulmate, but still wants to have sex with Dean. Who
brings Dean into that relationship. And yes, there’d still be the sex and all
the fun stuff. It’d be almost the same as the first scenario he’d imagined.
Except at the end of the day, Cas would have his soulmate and Dean would go
home alone. It would just compound his feelings of worthlessness, make it
abundantly clear that his only useful attributes in a relationship are for sex
and not for companionship or affection. Or love.
Not that he thinks Castiel has a soulmate that he’s keeping hidden or anything.
That’s the thing with irrational fears, though, they don’t have to make sense.
No matter how many times he tells himself to let it go and not worry about it,
it stays on the edge of Dean’s mind. It’s there beneath the surface of every
interaction he has with Cas.
Which leaves him with two options. Bring it up to Castiel and talk it out.
Dean’s obviously not a fan of that idea. It leaves him too vulnerable and will
push whatever it is they’re doing towards its inevitable conclusion. Meaning
he’ll have to go with his second option.
“Hey Jimmy…” he starts.
Cas’ schedule might be full, but Jimmy’s not in school. As he readily complains
to anyone who’ll listen, his job isn’t difficult or interesting. Day after day
it’s the same thing. Meaning as soon as 5:01 pm hits, Jimmy’s looking for a
beer and any drinking buddy he can find. Dean’s well acquainted with Jimmy’s
favorite bar, so on any giving day it’s only a matter of stopping by and
finding him.
On this lovely Friday evening, that’s exactly what Dean had done. Now they’re
two shots of Fireball and three beers in, and Dean figures this is as good a
time as any to bring it up.
Jimmy finishes his drink and smacks his lips. “What’s up?”
“So…”
“Oh no.” Jimmy’s good mood vanishes as his warily takes in Dean’s expression
and tone. “No no no, not you too. Ugh,” he whines before banging his head on
the bar a few times. He regains his composure and sits up, nodding to Dean.
“Alright, let’s get this over with. Go ahead. Ask about Cas.”
“What?” Dean tries to laugh off. “What makes you think I want to ask about
Cas?”
“You’ve got that…  look .” He sweeps his hand in the direction of Dean’s face
and shakes his head. “I know that look. I’ve seen that look before on half a
dozen guys and women over the years. At  least . That’s the ‘where are things
going with Cas? I know! I’ll ask his twin brother for help’ look. That’s the
look that comes before awkward questions and loud, angry breakups.”
“That’s a very specific look.”
“It’s a very specific situation.” Jimmy waves over the bartender and motions
for another beer. There are perks to being a regular, since she bypasses the
other drink requests and pours him another glass. Only once it’s in his hand
does he seem remotely ready to continue. “Look… I love Cas. He’s my brother.
But he’s  terrible  at this sort of shit. But you’re my favorite of all the
guys he’s fucked, so I’m gonna be honest with you.”
Dean’s too drunk and too far into this conversation to be able to back out like
a coward. He stays where he is, sitting solemnly and waiting for whatever bad
news Jimmy’s about to lay on him.
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Jimmy puts his hands over Dean’s cheeks and brings him in
close. “It’s not  that  bad. He’s not a serial murderer or anything.”
When he lets go of Dean, his cheeks tingle and he misses the feel of those
hands. They’re so much softer than Cas’, no callouses or anything. Wonder what
they’d feel like—
Aaaand let’s shut that right the fuck down,  Dean scolds himself. He shakes his
head to dispel the thoughts. “Okay, so…?”
“So,” Jimmy repeats sagely. “Basically, Cas hasn’t been in a serious long-term
relationship in his entire life. I mean sure, he’s fucked the same person on
and off for maybe a year or two at a time, but he’s never been interested in
anything more than sex with them. And sooner or later, they all want a
relationship beyond what he’s willing to offer. And Cas’ll dodge their
questions and say generic platitudes and all that… But because he won’t give a
real answer, they all come to  me  to find out what’s up.”
The sex part doesn’t surprise him, but the relationship part kind of does.
“Wait, so Cas just… doesn’t date these people?”
“In a fashion he does, but not the way most people want. There’s no commitment
or anything. It’s more like sex until he gets bored of them. Or til they get
bored of him, more often than not.” Jimmy runs his finger through the
condensation on his glass. “You okay with that?”
His concern for his brother is touching, but unnecessary. “Not gonna lie, I’m
kinda relieved. I’ve more or less sworn off dating. This friends with benefit
is kinda perfect.” Jimmy makes a face. “What? Don’t believe me.”
“No, I believe you. It’s more that… Look, I’ve had this same conversation loads
of times, and it usually preempts a break-up or falling out or whatever you
wanna call it. So I’m really hoping that’s not about to happen, because you
really are my favorite.”
“Am I really?” he asks while waggling his eyebrows.
“For sure. You’re by far the hottest.”
“I hate you.”
Jimmy nudges him with his shoulder, look open and full of sincerity. “But
seriously, you’re a fun guy. Like, we can talk and hangout without Cas being
there to babysit and make sure we get along. The closest before was Balthazar,
but he was even more of a drama queen than I am and I can’t be upstaged in my
own apartment, for fuck’s sake.”
Dean’s thankful the noise that comes out could probably be classified as
“guffaw” as opposed to “giggle.”
“And see, you laugh at my jokes, which is always a bonus. You get my seal of
approval for sure.”
“Out of morbid curiosity… who was the worst?”
“Uh, most of them were pretty terrible to be honest. I was usually pretty happy
when ‘the talk’ came up, because none of them were good enough for Cas. Some of
them were decent fun and probably great sex buddies, but they were never going
to be good for him long term. But  the  worst person that’s ever been
interested in Castiel?”
When Jimmy squints his eyes to rake over his memories, he looks so adorably
like his brother. But when he snaps his fingers and bounces excitedly on his
seat, the illusion is broken. “April Kelly. I fucking can’t even… Okay, so
April was into some pretty wild sex stuff if even  half  of what Cas said can
be believed.”
Dean frowns, once again asking himself just how open the Novak brothers are
with each other about their sex lives. He’s  never  gone into detail about that
sorta stuff with Sam, at least not outside of teasing him and hoping to make
the kid go bright red in embarrassment. And if Sam were to talk about his
sexcapades, Dean’s pretty sure he’d plug his ears and scream Led Zeppelin
lyrics at him.
“So kinky sex’s enough to make her the worst?”
“Nope. She was also super obsessed with soulmates. When Cas finally kissed
her—and mind you, this was only like a month into their relationship—she was so
upset she kept kissing and kissing and kissing him, thinking they’d done it
wrong the first time or something. Who the fuck knows. When  that  didn’t work,
she figured she’d just picked the wrong brother… So the next time I saw her,
she jumped right into my arms and kissed me on the lips. Cas had to pull her
off me. At least they broke up after that. Good riddance to crazy chicks.”
He holds up his beer and Dean raises his own. They clink glasses and take a
sip.
“So all I gotta do to stay in your good graces is not try to kiss you? Gotta be
careful with a bar set that low. I might trip over it.”
Jimmy snorts. “Tell me about it. All of Cas’ would-be boyfriends and
girlfriends have been pretty sub par. If I didn’t know Cassie better than I do,
I’d be telling him to make an honest man outta you. You’re a keeper for sure.”
There’s a part of him that wants to follow up on that. To tell Jimmy he’s got
the wrong idea about him. Nobody’s ever thought he was a keeper before, and
they’re not likely to start now. Comments like that tend to rattle people. If
he ever pulled back the curtain and showed them how broken he really is, they’d
run in the opposite direction.
The bartender comes back their way and the self-deprecating moment passes. She
looks at Dean’s empty glass and Jimmy’s half empty one in question. Both men
shake their heads, so she slips them each some water before moving on to other
patrons.
Jimmy pulls out his wallet and grabs some cash, tossing it on the bar. “And for
the record, you can kiss me anytime you want. I won’t even make Cas pull you
off me.”
Dean’s choices are acknowledge how flirty that last comment is (and by
extension, how welcome that flirtiness might be if circumstances were
different), or ignore it completely.
Needless to say, he ignores it.
Enough time passes in silence that Jimmy decides they need a new conversation
topic. “LARPing.”
“Wh-what?” he stammers. Maybe he can blame his blush on the alcohol.
“LARPing. Jo and Anna are getting kinda serious, which means they talk. And
lemme tell you, Anna is a chatty drunk. So I have it on good authority—and by
good authority, I mean some ridiculous game of telephone where I say what Anna
said Jo said—that you LARP.”
“I might. On occasion.”
While they spend the next hour sobering up, Jimmy alternates between grilling
him and teasing him relentlessly about Moondoor. If Dean didn’t know better,
he’d suspect Jimmy secretly wants to join in. Eventually the bar gets crowded
and they’re not drinking anyway, so they pass off their seats to some newcomers
and leave.
There’s some shuffling at the door before Jimmy brings him in for a hug. It
goes on maybe a couple seconds longer than necessary, but neither makes a move
to pull away until Jimmy pats Dean on the back.
“What was that for?”
“Oh c’mon. Anyone willing to put up with Cas’ embargo on dating deserves all
the hugs.”
In the end, Dean finds himself reassured. Cas won’t expect more from him—or
anyone else, for that matter—than what they currently have going on. He’ll
never have to worry about the whole dating and losing him thing with Cas. Dean
can be in it for sex.
It’s not like he expects anything else at this point, anyway.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean and Jimmy hang out
 Jimmy N (5:48 pm): hey loser come over
Jimmy N (5:49 pm): i’ve got booze and a copy of the original night of the
living dead
Jimmy N (5:50 pm): (cassie tells me you like shitty horror movies)
Dean W (6:12 pm): first of all, fuck both of you
Dean W (6:12 pm): nosferatu is a work of art
Dean W (6:12 pm): a cinematic masterpiece
Dean W (6:13 pm): second of all, night of the living dead is also a classic
Dean W (6:14 pm): third of all, what type of booze and should i bring snacks
Dean’s never been to the twins’ place before. Okay, that’s a lie. He’s
technically been there three times, but those hardly counted. He’d been there
once to drop off some German notes when Cas was sick. Once to wait for Cas to
change clothes after work before they met up with Charlie and Benny for drinks.
And once to pick up Cas for the airport.
Between all those visits, he’s spent all of twenty minutes there. Now that he’s
actually there with no plans to rush out, Dean finally takes in his
surroundings. The apartment opens up into a small foyer, then splits
immediately. To the left is the living room and to the right the kitchen and
dining nook, a half wall dividing the two spaces.
His few visits before rarely went past the foyer, though he was in the kitchen
once to grab a soda before heading out. Now he gets to take in the rest of the
apartment, and there’s no doubt who’s responsible for the decor.
The dining table has an understated but beautiful glass centerpiece. Red
candles of varying sizes are artfully placed around it, and a matching table
runner give the room a pop of color against the otherwise neutral tones. The
buffet barely fits in the small room, but somehow it doesn’t feel cluttered.
Its dark-stained oak so perfectly mirrors the table, it’s impossible to imagine
the two pieces separated. The room’s the picture of a traditional dining space.
Castiel, with his sweater vests and pressed slacks, fits in this space
amazingly.
But he’s seen all that before. He barely gives it a second glance before Jimmy
leads him into the living room.
The living room is a completely different matter. It’s a mess of clashing
styles. The large leather sectional monopolizes most of the room, but it’s the
most normal piece of furniture there. Dean could see himself buying a couch
like that. He can’t say the same about anything else. The coffee table is some
weird, post-modern thing that looks like it came straight out of some bizarre
Tim Burton-esque nightmare. And the TV stand is… well, Dean can definitely say
that it looks sturdy. But it also looks like it was made in someone’s basement
and that they forgot to finish sanding all the sides.
That’s of course not even getting to the movie posters. The art in the dining
room is nothing but Van Gogh and Monet prints. The living room looks like a
movie theater threw up on the walls. They aren’t even good movies. Lavagirl and
Sharkboy , The Last Airbender , and Sharknado must be the newest ones, because
Dean can see the edges of other posters beneath them. Dean can easily see Jimmy
putting the room together as a joke.
He whistles in appreciation, fingers moving along the edge of one of the
posters to try and get a peek at what’s hidden underneath. Dean thinks he sees
The Master of Disguise a few posters back.
“Go on, admit it looks amazing.” Jimmy beams smugly at him as he sets some beer
and a bottle of whiskey on the coffee table.
“It certainly has character.” Dean follows suit and puts down the pizza he
picked up. “And you were giving me shit for Nosferatu?”
“It’s not like I like these movies. I just like the aesthetic.” He leans in and
whispers conspiratorially, “The best part is, Cas doesn’t watch enough movies
to know what I’m doing. He has legitimately brought up these movies in
conversations like he thinks they’re super popular. The looks he gets.”
“You’re a terrible brother and I admire your work.”
Jimmy barks a laugh and pats the space on the couch next to him. The space
rightnext to him. Considering how large the sectional is, Dean wonders what
Jimmy’s playing at. He takes a seat a respectable distance away, leaving space
that their legs won’t accidentally brush against each other.
“Thanks for saving me from being bored all night.” Opening up the pizza box and
grabbing a slice, Jimmy at least seems unbothered by the seating arrangement.
“Cas ditched me for some study group thing. What a fucking tool.”
“Totally,” Dean agrees as he pops open a can of beer. “Studying so he can
graduate and open your business. How dare he. Worst brother ever. I hope he
comes home and apologizes to you for ruining your evening.”
“I know, right?”
Although Jimmy hadn’t really said anything about it, Dean was expecting to see
Cas. He’s kind of disappointed that he won’t be making an appearance. Not that
Dean doesn’t like hanging out with Jimmy, but he misses Cas. The last few times
he’s seen Cas, all they’ve had time for is sex. He wants to spend time with Cas
without the pressure of seeing who can undress whom first or how quickly they
can get the other off.
But he ignores the pang he feels and relaxes. The whiskey insures that much, at
least. They start with Night of the Living Dead , then move on to Dawn of the
Dead. By the time the end credits roll, the pizza’s long gone and it’d be a
good time to call it a day.
Jimmy doesn’t even ask before taking out his phone and ordering chinese food
while Dean scours Netflix for the next movie.
“Why is Netflix recommending nothing but chick flicks?”
“Uh…” Jimmy shrugs sheepishly. “Would you believe that they’re Cassie’s?”
“Cas watches documentaries. So unless you’re implying that Clueless is a
documentary about life in the Valley during the 90’s—”
“Isn’t it?”
“Just admit it, you like chick flicks and Netflix knows it.” He scrolls down to
the “Continue Watching” and “Watch it Again” sections, and pointedly looks at
Jimmy as he reads out the titles. “The Holiday, 13 Going on 30, Ever After, 28
Dresses, Sleepless in Seattle… You’ve got a problem, dude.”
“I plead the fifth.” Jimmy can barely suppress a laugh. “What can I say, I’m a
hopeless romantic at heart. I also would like to point out you’ve ignored all
the sci-fi and action movies I’ve watched.”
“Hey, I ain’t judging.” And to prove the point, Dean starts playing A Walk to
Remember. They have to pause it once the food arrives, but then they dive back
in. When Jimmy comes back with the food, he sits so that his thigh is firmly
pressed against Dean’s. Dean doesn’t bother to pull away.
Halfway through the movie, Dean has to start drinking more heavily. He’s only
seen it once before, but rom coms in general are super depressing. When he was
younger they didn’t bother him as much. If anything, he found himself relating
to the main characters. Young men and women like him who were having trouble
finding their soulmates.
A lot of them were actually inspiring when he was dating Lisa. People who
didn’t have soulmates, falling in love and living happily ever after despite of
the lack of sparks between them. That’s all he’d ever wanted in life, once he’d
given up on the rest.
But this movie played up on the soulmate trope. When Jamie warns Landon not to
fall in love with her, to never kiss her, it sends Dean’s mood spiraling
downward. He watches as Landon accidentally falls in love with her anyway, and
it kind of kills him.
“I’m scared I’m going to fall in love with Cas,” Dean confesses with a sigh.
Jimmy doesn’t say anything, but he’s definitely paying attention. Even though
Dean keeps his eyes glued on the TV, he can feel Jimmy watching him.
“I know he doesn’t date. And I don’t date. Not anymore, anyway, so I’m just…
I’m worried I’m going to fall in love with him and ruin it.”
Very carefully, Jimmy reaches over for the remote and stops the movie. He turns
on the sofa so that he’s facing Dean, their legs still touching. “I’m not going
to sugarcoat this, Dean, but… But Cas really isn’t looking for anything
permanent. I thought the other day when we talked about it, you were okay with
that.”
Dean’s head falls against the couch and he looks up at the ceiling, trying to
keep his tears in check. “I am. I’m not looking for more. I don’t expect more—”
“Why don’t you expect more?” There’s a hand on his knee. The firm but gentle
pressure is almost too much, and Dean squeezes his eyes shut.
“It’s not like I have a soulmate out there, and no one else is willing to put
up with having me for a boyfriend. So why should I be looking for more.”
“Dean…” There’s a hint of concern there, maybe even pity, but Dean shakes his
head to ignore it. “Dean… can you look at me?”
It takes some more coaxing for him to give in, opening his eyes and lazily
rolling his head along the cushion to stare at Jimmy’s ridiculously blue gaze.
Jimmy doesn’t pull any punches, going right to the heart of the matter. “Why do
you think you’re unloveable?”
Agony rips through Dean, remembering Cassie and Aaron and Lydia and Lisa and
everyone else he’d dared to think maybe this time. Everyone who’d stomped on
his heart and made him a little warier, a little more reserved until eventually
all the hope had been sucked out of him. But he schools his face into a mask of
indifference. At least he hopes it is. “I mean, you met me?”
“Do you really have no idea how amazing you are? If I didn’t know Cas as well
as I do, I’d be worried he’d be in danger of falling for you.” Dean’s stunned
into silence, unable to process what Jimmy’s telling him. Because that’s not
true. No one’s in danger of falling in love with Dean Winchester.
Jimmy keeps going though, not content with stopping there. “I’m serious, Dean.
You’re adorable and funny and smart. You’re a fucking mechanical engineer , you
know how hot that is? The only thing that could make it better is if wear
glasses while you’re at work. And you’ve gotta know I’ve had a crush on you for
months and if circumstances were different…” He grinds to a halt. Like he’s
crossed a line he shouldn’t have.
Somehow they’d drifted even closer. Jimmy’s practically leaning over Dean, and
it makes goosebumps rise along Dean’s arm where they’re almost touching.
“If things were different?” Dean prompts. Nothing good can come from asking
that question. The only thing worse than asking the question is hearing the
answer.
“If things were different…” Jimmy starts again, but then he’s leaning in to
kiss him. Dean’s frozen as he watches, bracing himself for the look of
disappointment he’ll see on Jimmy’s face, the look that always comes after a
first kiss.
Except their lips touch and there are sparks.
Electricity flows through him, starting where Jimmy’s lips are brushing against
his and cascading down throughout his entire body. His fingers and toes tingle,
his head goes fuzzy, and his heart briefly stops before hammering away in
delight.
When Jimmy pulls away, he stares down at Dean in surprise, eyes wide. Wider
even than Dean’s must be. They stay there, frozen and trying to survive the
aftermath of that kiss. Dean can’t help but bring a hand to touch his mouth. He
traces his lips. They don’t feel any different, but something must’ve changed.
Everything’s changed.
Jimmy gets over his shock, surging forward and they’re kissing again. He can
still feel the sparks. They’re muted, not as intense as the first time, but
there’s a happy thrum in the background as Jimmy leads the kiss. Dean gasps,
which only allows Jimmy’s tongue to dart inside and explore.
They continue making out, letting that electric wave roll through them and
drive them on. Dean’s drowning in it, in way over his head and with no desire
to try and fight it. This is amazing. Everything he’s ever heard about soulmate
kisses, no matter how wonderful they described them, undersold how intense
they’d be.
As if understanding, Jimmy takes the lead. He’s somehow able to function enough
to perform minimal tasks. Like getting their clothes off. Dean lets Jimmy
manhandle him to work his shirt and pants off, but he whines whenever the
kisses stop. All Dean wants is to spend the rest of his life kissing Jimmy.
“Oh fuck ,” Dean hisses, arching into Jimmy’s hand as he palms Dean through his
boxers. Okay, maybe not just kissing Jimmy. He wants more of this, too.
“Yes,” Jimmy agrees. He starts pulling off his own shirt and wiggles out of his
pants, but Dean doesn’t let him get farther. Ten seconds is too long to go
without their bodies pressed flush together, their lips all over each other.
“Shhh, I’m back.” Then Jimmy’s straddling him, rocking their cocks together and
all is right in the world.
“No,” he whines as Jimmy sucks a bruise onto his neck. He squirms in Jimmy’s
grasp. “Want to feel the sparks… Why can’t I feel it—”
Jimmy interrupts with a kiss, sucking Dean’s bottom lip into his mouth and
forcing one of those sparks to jolt all the way to Dean’s cock. “Gotta be on
the lips, babe. Don’t worry, I’ll kiss you through the whole thing, I promise.”
Dean barely has time to nod before they’re at it again. They stay there, Jimmy
working his mouth over while they thrust clumsily against each other. Even with
their boxers on, there’s no way they’re going to last much longer.
He grabs Jimmy’s ass. For a jarring second, his body tries to pull away because
that’s not Cas’ ass and just doesn’t feel right in his hands, but the
discordant feeling passes and Dean keeps going. He kneads the muscle there
before forcing Jimmy even closer so they can rut against each other properly.
They groan in unison as they start to get adequate friction. The pretense of
foreplay is done, and they move against each other as they try to get the other
off.
Between kisses, Jimmy groans out words of praise. “Told you you’re amazing.
Look at you, so beautiful. So good for me. You deserve this, Dean. You deserve
to be happy. You deserve to be loved.”
He fists Jimmy’s hair and crushes their lips together one final time. It’s too
much teeth and way too forceful, but their connection makes up for the
awkwardness of it. Electricity tingles through their lips until they’re numb
with it, and Dean comes in his boxers. Jimmy groans when he feels the wetness
between them, thrusts even harder. His lips trail down to continue working on
Dean’s jawline, his neck, along his collar.
As Jimmy comes, he bites down on Dean’s shoulder to muffle his cries and then
slumps against the other man.
They’ve got dried come in their boxers and Dean’s back is sticking to the
leather, but this is the most content Dean can remember feeling in a long time.
Eventually, the two of them slump over so they’re lying down. Jimmy stretches
out to reach for an afghan to throw over them, then intertwines their limbs so
thoroughly Dean’s not even sure which leg is his anymore.
“This is nice,” he sighs. His eyes start to flutter shut and he does nothing to
try and stop them. He’s absolutely spent, both emotionally and physically.
Whatever freak out he will or won’t have can wait til morning.
“Yeah,” Jimmy agrees. He kisses Dean’s eyelids and relaxes next to him. “Really
nice.”
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Summary
     Cas and Jimmy's secret
 Castiel’s not particularly fond of this study group. Not because they aren’t
competent students, but they tend to bicker amongst themselves about how to do
things. Dick Roman and Bartholomew in particular are very troublesome, trying
to make unilateral decisions about how to divide up the workloads that for some
reason give  them  the lightest reading list. In general, the rest of them go
along with it simply to shut both of them up and get started, but today Pamela
takes a stand and refuses to listen to them.
The squabbling gives Castiel a headache and he’s seriously considering quitting
the group altogether. But with his current workload, there’s no way he can
manage the whole reading list on his own. So he quietly sits there and pushes
his pencil back and forth across the table.
He can’t wait to graduate. He wants to be  done  with this petty bickering over
notes and projects.  Done  with tests and listening to boring lectures. He
wants to move on to the next phase of his life. Quit his respectable but
lifeless job and go into business with Jimmy. The two of them have waited so
long for this, for the chance to be happy and do they things they  want  to do
instead of the things they  have  to do just to make ends meet.
“What do you think, Castiel?” Roman interrupts his thoughts.
“Honestly?” he asks, completely bored with the whole thing. “I don’t give a
shit. Divide up the reading and draw names out of a hat if you have to, just
figure it out so we can get the fuck out of here.”
Roman goes pale and Pamela coughs to hide a laugh. Bartholomew caves first.
With shoulders slumped, he concedes, “He has a point. I don’t want to be here
all night arguing about this. Pamela, would you divide up the reading for us?”
“For the rest of the semester’s work,” Castiel adds.
The two men gape at Castiel, but neither protests.
“With pleasure.” She winks at Castiel and turns a blinding smile on Bartholomew
and Roman. As she goes through the syllabus and divvies everything up, they
glower at her and Castiel in turn but don’t do more than pout.
Not for the first time, Castiel glances at his watch. It’s already past eight.
He’d hoped things would be wrapping up around now so he could maybe invite Dean
out for dinner. Or, failing that, at least blow him. Damn if Dean isn’t one of
the most beautiful people he’s ever seen,  especially  when he comes.
But that’s not what Castiel craves from the other man right now. Lately he’s
barely gotten to see anything more than Dean’s dick. Admittedly, he’s rather
fond of that dick, but he misses the friendship they’ve built over the past
year. Which is dangerous and unfair to Dean. Making this anything other than
sex does nothing but lead Dean on and set Castiel up to have to break his
heart.
You know you can’t commit more of yourself to him than you already have,  he
chides himself.  You should be distancing yourself from him, not looking to
take him out to dinner. Fuck, that almost sounds like a date.
It’s nearly midnight when they finish up that week’s worth of assignments, so
it’s a moot point anyway. He doesn’t want to disturb Dean so late. It’d be
overstepping the bounds of what they’ve established so far. It would feel like
he’s taking advantage of Dean.
Of course, that’s the whole point of the arrangement. But that doesn’t mean
that Castiel wants to  feel  like it’s true.
Besides, there’s always Jimmy waiting for him at home.
The idea entertains him as Cas packs up and heads back to the apartment. By the
time he’s rushing up the steps, he’s a little hard. He wonders how quickly he
can open himself up. If Jimmy’s still up, he can help, but if not… He’ll just
have to take him by surprise. Open himself up quickly and quietly, then wake
Jimmy up by taking his dick into his mouth. Once Jimmy’s hard, he can climb on
top to ride him—
Castiel very much hopes Jimmy is  not  awake.
The faint glow of the TV greets him as he steps inside, but the apartment’s
silent. It wouldn’t be the first time Jimmy’s fallen asleep watching a movie.
He chuckles softly as he sets down his bag by the door.
When he rounds the corner into the living room, he fully expects to find Jimmy
curled up on the couch. Probably still fully dressed, a half empty bottle of
beer on the coffee table and a line of drool running down his chin. What he
does  not  expect to see is Dean there as well.
The two are covered by the blue decorative afghan Jimmy bought a few years ago
from a thrift store. Even with the blanket covering them, it’s obvious the two
are half naked. Cas can see the evidence of their earlier activities—scattered
clothing and sex-tousled hair are a dead giveaway—and in the aftermath, they’ve
fallen asleep in each other’s arms.
The seconds tick away, and Castiel simply can’t process the scene before him.
He  knows  what he’s seeing and what it means, but part of him refuses to
believe it.
He and Dean, don’t they have a thing going on? Sure, they never agreed not to
sleep with other people. But it seems rude of Dean to sleep with Castiel’s
brother in light of their arrangement. Castiel surely wouldn’t try to seduce
Dean’s brother out of respect for Dean. At least not without  talking  to him
about it first.
If he’s upset about Dean, it’s nothing to how  incensed  he is at Jimmy.
Because  Jimmy  should fucking know better. They may date other people for fun
and to throw off suspicion, but… but  this  feels like crossing a line. Jimmy
knew about him and Dean. Kept nettling Castiel to see if there was more there
than sex, like he suspected Castiel might actually be interested in more. If he
thought that was even a remote possibility,  why would he do this ?
They  never  do things with other people at the apartment. Wouldn’t flaunt it
in front of the other like this.
And maybe he’s a little hurt that Jimmy ended up in Dean’s arms, cuddled him
after they had sex like Castiel’s always wanted but never allowed himself to.
As if sensing Castiel’s presence, Jimmy stirs. With a yawn, he stretches and
rolls over. Dean’s arms loosen their grip enough to let him, but otherwise he
remains undisturbed. Their eyes meet. They could be inches or ten feet or a
mile apart, Castiel’s sure he’d be able to recognize the guilty shame on his
brother’s face.
Without a second thought, Castiel grabs his bag and storms out. He takes the
steps two, three at a time in an effort to escape his brother and Dean and this
apartment and his whole fucking life. He needs time and space to  think  about
this before he’ll be able to consider talking to them,  forgiving  them.
He’s in the cool early autumn air, marching towards his car when loud footsteps
sound before him. “Cassie, what’s…. Come  back !”
Too stubborn to run, he braces himself for when his brother catches up.
A hand lands on his shoulder and Cas lets himself be pulled to a stop, but he
refuses to turn around. Undeterred, Jimmy walks around so they’re facing each
other. He’s pulled on sweatpants and a shirt— Dean’s  shirt, if Castiel’s not
mistaken, which makes it infinitely worse to try and look at his brother right
now—but remains barefoot. Concern for Jimmy’s feet crosses his mind before he
angrily quashes it.
“Cas—”
“Why would you do that? With  him ? Why would you do that  here ? In our  home
?” he cuts in. Every word is dripping venom, and Jimmy visibly flinches.
“I’m sorry… I just… something happened.”
“I  always  ask first. Always. Saying you like him isn’t the same as  asking ,
Jimmy. And with Dean? Really? You know I—”
He stops and puts a hand to the bridge of his nose, squeezing and hoping it’ll
help collect himself. They’ve had this argument about Dean before, but it’s
honestly neither here nor there. Whether or not Jimmy has a crush on Dean and
whether or not Cas’ feelings for him aren’t as strictly sexual as he claims,
none of that has any bearing on the fact that Jimmy should know better.
With more calm than he feels, Cas grits out, “ What  could have possibly
happened  to make this even remotely okay?”
“I kissed him.” Jimmy says it like he's confessing to the worst crime
imaginable, but Cas doesn't see how it explains anything.
Admittedly, it's strange that they'd have kissed at all, considering Dean’s
embargo on kissing. For a fraction of a second, he lets himself feel a flicker
of jealousy that his brother’s gotten to feel those plush lips against his own
like Cas has wanted for months. It only serves to make him more upset, and he
tries to get a handle on it so he won’t lash out more than necessary.
“So you kissed him. Who gives a shit? How does that make it any better that—?”
“I-I felt… Cassie, there were  sparks .”
While his first instinct is to dismiss the claim, Cas can’t overlook the pure
awe  in Jimmy’s voice. The reverence with which he makes the confession.
“ What ?” Despite himself, he takes a step closer to Jimmy. “What do you mean
there were sparks? There  couldn’t  have been—”
“There were sparks,” Jimmy reiterates, his tone hard. There’s no room for
debate there, no question in his certainty.
Castiel does the only thing he feels he can do. He shoulders past his brother
and gets in his car. He turns it on, ignoring his brother’s shouting as he puts
the car in reverse and backs out of the parking spot. And he certainly doesn’t
cast a glance in the rearview mirror as he speeds out of the garage.
He’s never felt so betrayed before in his life.
        [https://68.media.tumblr.com/98aaf627725ef31b0f0d8794be2725f3/
                      tumblr_oqf0qkC9CM1uqhw14o2_540.jpg]
Castiel remembers all too well when he found out.
July 25th.
Amelia's 16th birthday.
Jimmy and Amelia had been dating most of the school year and were head over
heels for each other. Castiel knew it, their parents know it, hell, the whole
friggin town knew it. Really, kissing to prove their compatibility was just a
formality. And maybe it stung a little, that in a few hours his brother would
come home and he'd be completely forgotten, but oh well, at least Jimmy would
be happy with the love of his life.
Jimmy went all out preparing for it. Nice dinner, romantic walk in the park
ending with them catching the end of a jazz concert by the lake. A perfect
evening for soulmates to kiss for the first time. Fucking romance novel
bullshit was what it was, but hey, Jimmy wanted it to be memorable.
Castiel knew  he’d  remember it forever, and  he  wasn’t even going to be
there. But that was unfair and selfish of him. Castiel’s crush was Castiel’s
problem, not Jimmy’s. He had no right to want more. For so many reasons. That’s
why for  years  Cas had been trying to stifle his growing attraction to his
twin. It was wrong and doomed to be short-lived. Jimmy might’ve been open to
fooling around (not that Cas had ever worked up the nerve to ask, instead
relegating himself to imagining the possibility), but he’d never want a
relationship . A relationship that would always be scorned, that would need to
be hidden from  everyone …
It was terrible of Castiel to want that, but he at least never imposed that on
Jimmy. He’d been very careful to hide it, the only secret he’s ever kept from
his brother and the only one he ever plans to keep.
So while Jimmy was out on his perfect date with his perfect girlfriend about to
start their perfect life of soulmate bliss together, Castiel was at home
moping. He’d made an appearance downstairs to wish his brother good luck, then
he’d skipped dinner and shut himself in their shared room. It took up a good
portion of the top floor, really more of a master bedroom than anything else,
but they’d insisted on sharing when their parents had the place built nearly a
decade ago. There were times since then that each had questioned the wisdom of
that decision, but neither actually regretted it.
Castiel especially couldn’t now that it that it was the closest he’d ever get
to Jimmy. He’d never get to hold Jimmy close at night, but he  would  be able
to hug Jimmy’s pillow to his chest. Crawling into Jimmy’s bed, he wrapped
himself in the familiar scent and tried not to think about anything, but
definitely not soulmates or kisses.
Cas dozed in and out, drifting along as his mind made him play out Jimmy’s
triumphant return home on repeat. At least he’d be ready for the gummy smile
lighting up his brother’s face. Jimmy looked so beautiful when he was happy,
his whole visage radiating joy. He was happy for Jimmy—or at least, he tried
very hard to be—but he couldn’t quite shake his own pain.
A door slamming startled him awake. Castiel jumped out of Jimmy’s bed and
rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. It was time to hug his brother and
congratulate him—
But harsh words drifted up the stairs. He couldn’t make out a word of it, but
he easily recognized the anger behind it. Something was wrong, something had
happened. Before he could rush downstairs to find out what was going on, their
bedroom door shook open and swung so hard shut it rattled the whole door frame.
The brothers nearly collided in the entryway, but Castiel dodged out of Jimmy’s
way as he charged into the room with tears in his eyes.
“Jimmy?” He hadn’t seen his brother this upset since their grandmother died a
few years ago. This wasn’t how he expected to see his brother after his
picturesque date with Amelia. “What happened?” A million possibilities raced
through his mind. Someone was hurt, maybe there had been a car accident?
“It was  perfect ,” Jimmy spat before throwing himself on his bed, right where
Castiel had been brooding a few minutes ago. Cas perched on the edge of the
bed, hands reaching out to comfort Jimmy but stopping short. He didn’t even
know  what  his brother was upset about, how could he possibly offer comfort or
support?
His words muffled by the pillow, Jimmy shook with silent sobs, “I kissed her
and-and-and  nothing !” But even as tremors shook through his body and his
voice the quivered, no tears fell. “I knew-I  should’ve  known it was stupid to
get my hopes up but-but I…” He choked on the rest of his words and tried to
hold himself together.
As much as Castiel might’ve wanted to keep his brother for himself, he never
wanted  this . Jimmy deserved to be happy with his soulmate, and yet here he
was, devastated that he’d been so wrong about his relationship with Amelia.
“It’s okay,” Cas soothed, finally reaching out and rubbing circles on Jimmy’s
back. As disappointed as Jimmy was, this wasn’t nearly so bad as Castiel had
feared. “I know you wanted it to be Amelia, but… but just because she’s not
your soulmate, doesn’t mean she isn’t important to you or that you don’t love
each other. Plenty of people have great relationships without finding a
soulmate. Look at Mom and Dad. This doesn’t mean things have to end between you
and Amelia. It doesn’t have to be different than before.”
Jimmy said nothing.
Continuing to keep a calming touch on Jimmy’s back, Cas wondered if he should
say more. What he  wanted  to say was something else, but he wasn’t sure it
would help. But as the seconds ticked away, Castiel felt he needed to say
something .
“You have a soulmate out there, I’m sure of it.”  You’re so amazing, you  have
to have one. It just wouldn’t be right.  “You’ll find them someday. Even if
it’s not today or even for a few years, you  will  find them and it’ll be
amazing. And I’m sorry it wasn’t Amelia, but that just means someone even
better  is out there waiting for you—”
Jimmy startled his brother by lurching off the bed and into his arms. Cas could
feel wet tears soaking into his shirt, but he didn’t mind. Wrapping himself
protectively around Jimmy, he hugged him and let him silently weep into his
shoulder. All he wanted was to take the pain from Jimmy, make it all go away so
he could see that wonderful smile he’d been dreading.
They swayed back and forth and Castiel couldn’t help but kiss Jimmy’s temple.
Jimmy sighed and leaned further into Castiel’s touch, so he did it again. When
Jimmy didn’t protest, he kept going. Slowly kissing down his cheek, and then
Jimmy had turned his head to give Castiel better access so his kisses could
trail to the corner of Jimmy’s lips. Like a magnet, he felt drawn in.
With their lips hovering over each other’s, Castiel looked to Jimmy. He should
stop before the affectionate gesture betrayed him. He could still play it off
as innocent, merely a brother comforting another brother, but if he kept
drifting in…
Jimmy took the choice away from him, stretching upward to capture Castiel’s
lips.
Sparks flew.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Summary
     Cas' dating history
 Everyone always talked about how amazing it would be when they found their
soulmate. And on that first night, it was. They explored each other’s body,
expressing all the longing they’d been feeling for years through loving touches
and kisses. They moved together, rocked against each other until they finally
fell into an exhausted, blissful sleep.
The morning brought complications.
They were curled up in Jimmy's blanket, limbs intertwined and breathing in
tandem. A knock at their bedroom door had them jerking apart so hard Castiel
nearly fell out of bed.
“Jimmy?” their mother's voice rang through the door. “You feeling better? Do
you want to come down for breakfast? I made your favorites—”
“Sounds good, Mom!” Jimmy called as he scrambled around Cas and out of bed.
“I’ll be down in a minute!”
“You sure you’re alright?”
“Yes!” The sad edge to his voice was gone, but Jimmy in no way sounded fine. As
he hurriedly pulled on boxers and pushed Cas to his side of the room, the
distress came through in that single syllable.
There was a long pause before a hesitant, “Okay, honey. Wake your brother up
and tell him there are pancakes.”
The two looked at each other in relief and not getting caught in the same bed,
but it was a sobering moment. If they wanted this to work—and  fuck  did
Castiel want it to—they were going to have to be careful. That afternoon, they
locked themselves up in their room not to fool around like they wanted, but to
plan. People might be understanding about a whole lot of things when it came to
soulmates. Class, race, culture, age… Most if not all of these had been
overcome because of a soulmate bond. But twins? That was unheard of. Cas knew,
he’d done fucking  research  in what he thought was a foolish hope, but there
was nothing. No matter how adamantly they insisted they were soulmates, few
would understand or accept their relationship.
Their parents, for example, would not. As loving as they were, they were
extremely religious. Cas had hid his attraction to other boys his age, but a
few times he’d let his eyes linger a beat too long. If his mother caught him in
those moments of weakness, she’d send a pinched look his way but say nothing.
If it was his father, though, he would quietly brood until they got home. In
private, he’d lecture the boys about the sins of homosexuality and how he hoped
they never fell into such a deviant lifestyle. In those moments, Castiel knew
his parents would hate him if they ever found out he liked men. Liking Jimmy
would only serve to make it worse.
Though he suspected dating men was enough to get him disowned. How it could
actually get any  worse  than that he had no idea, but his father would be sure
to find a way.
“We just have to throw people off,” Jimmy said as he nuzzled into Cas’ jaw,
sucking at his pulsepoint and perfectly illustrating the type of behavior that
would get them kicked out if their parents saw.
“Yes,” Castiel agreed as he extracted himself from his brother’s embrace. “And
we have to limit what we do around the house.”
“The door has a lock—”
“And you weren’t exactly quiet last night. We have to be more careful.”
Jimmy pouted. It was adorable, and Castiel was tempted to let him continue his
earlier ministrations. But they needed boundaries to protect themselves. A
little self-restraint would go a long way in ensuring they didn’t get caught.
He held his ground, scowling at Jimmy until he sighed and gave in.
“Fine. Only when we know Mom and Dad aren’t around, and we lock the door.
Happy?”
“Of course I’m not  happy  that we have to hide. Jimmy, if I had my way, you’d
fuck me into the bed every night and maybe again in the morning.” His twin
perked up at that, but Cas dodged a kiss with a laugh and his pout was back.
“Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. At least not until we move out and get our
own place.”
“Ugh.  Fine . But I’m holding you to that.”
They got off track talking about their future apartment and all the ways they’d
christen it. Ignoring their earlier resolution to be careful, Cas found himself
on his back getting his first blowjob as Jimmy jerked himself off.
“This is such a bad idea,” Castiel gasped even as his fingers curled in Jimmy’s
hair to force him deeper.
“Mmmm…” Jimmy groaned around him. At least with Cas’ cock in his mouth, he
couldn’t get loud enough to alert their parents.
After both had come, they snuggled on Cas’ bed until every creak in the house
and the sound of the air conditioner turning on wore their nerves enough that
they broke apart. It hurt, but they forced space between them. They’d barely
had twenty four hours together as soulmates, and the reality of their future
was crushing their spirits.
They’d never be able to hold hands or kiss in public. They could never tell
their friends or family that they’d found their soulmate. They’d live together
and maybe no one would say anything at first, but eventually questions would
come up. Unless they could deflect.
Jimmy reluctantly agreed to continue dating Amelia. He cared for her, of course
he did, but now that he knew they’d never end up together, he said it felt
disingenuous.
“I’m not saying  marry  the girl, just hang out with her, okay?”
“Well, what about  you ? You gonna make me do all the heavy lifting?”
“Amelia’s not that heavy. If anything, she’s rather skinny—”
“Har har, jackass.” Jimmy threw a pillow at him which Castiel easily dodged. “I
meant dating. Am I the only one who has to do this whole fake dating thing or
are you going to help?”
“What are you suggesting?”
“Sooner or later, people will wonder why I’m off dating people while living
with my brother, the perpetual bachelor.”
“Maybe I’m asexual—”
“Thank  god  that’s not true.”
“—or aro or it’s just nobody’s fucking business.”
“Or  maybe  you can find people to date. Hell, fuck them if you need to. But I
can’t be the only one out there, faking a search for happily ever after while
you get to wait for me at home every night.”
Castiel bit his tongue to keep from protesting. He might not like it, but Jimmy
had a point. It wasn’t fair to make him Jimmy bear the burden of diffusing
suspicion, so he promised to do his part. Their system developed over the next
few years. They both dated, but with opposite strategies.
Jimmy kept things up with Amelia until they graduated from high school, then
college and life in general interfered. Amelia never seemed particularly
heartbroken about it, which Castiel always found somewhat insulting. She’d been
dating the best man in the world, yet she didn’t seem to care it was over.
Jimmy teased him for being biased. Castiel didn’t exactly have a counter
argument.
After Amelia there was Daphne in college and Nora when he started working. The
three women were, ostensibly, the entirety of Jimmy’s dating experience. Sweet
women who were enchanted with Jimmy and willing to give it a try with someone
who wasn’t their soulmate, even though Daphne did eventually break things off
to try and find hers.
With Nora it lasted a few years. Nora’s soulmate had died in a car accident,
and Jimmy was there to help her pick up the pieces. Castiel begrudgingly had to
admit he liked Nora, but it may have had to do with the fact that she’d been
upfront about not knowing if she’d ever be able to commit to someone else. Not
forever, anyway. When their relationship ended, it was about as mutual as
things could be.
Cas didn’t like dating. He did, however, like sex. He found men and women not
looking for anything serious. Usually fresh out of college, young and still
focused on finding a soulmate but wanting to have fun in the meantime. Much
older than that and people were more likely to want an actual relationship.
Somehow April had slipped through the cracks, and after that disaster Cas was a
lot more choosy about his partners. He cycled through lovers who have a general
disdain for soulmates and relationships. If they ever seemed like they were
getting attached, he dumped them and moved on to the next one.
Jimmy wasn’t thrilled with Cas sleeping around, but Castiel always talked to
him about it first. Only once had Jimmy given him a flat out no, and that was
for Crowley. Something about the man had rubbed Jimmy the wrong way (“You and
Castiel still live together. A little  odd  for brothers your age, isn’t it?”)
and the idea of Crowley touching  his  soulmate. It had brought out a rare
possessive streak in Jimmy that had left both brothers sore and exhausted after
a weekend in bed.
Overall, Jimmy was fine with their arrangement, though. Immediately after their
first kiss, Jimmy had been all over Cas whenever he thought he could risk it.
But after they’d moved away from their parents, it’d been Cas who’d very
enthusiastically lead the way in christening every room of their new apartment.
With no one but each other for company, it became painfully obvious that
Castiel was far more into sex than his brother. Jimmy joked that Cas’ fuck
buddies actually did him a favor, tiring Castiel out enough that he could keep
up with him. There were times, though, when Castiel wondered how Jimmy put up
with it. All it did was prove that his brother was amazing and far too good for
him.
It was a good system. Not ideal, but good.
Meg was the first one to challenge that. It started out the same as all the
others. Sex with no strings attached. Rough, kinky, marathon sex. There was
even that one time they’d been drunk and she’d let Jimmy watch. She was quickly
approaching the top of Castiel’s list of all time favorite paramours.
Until they’d eventually kissed.
The kiss was sloppy, a hint too much tongue and maybe more aggressive than
Castiel's used to. Well, maybe not being on the receiving end of it, but still.
Jimmy tended to let him lead and everyone else let Cas take what he wanted. Not
Meg, though.
When Meg pulled away, she looked vaguely disappointed.
"What? Thought there'd be sparks?" he asks wryly.
"Kinda."
"I was joking."
"I wasn't."
Castiel tilted his head in confusion. There was another reason he’d always
liked Meg. She’d told him flat out the first time she’d hit on him that she
didn’t do romance and he’d better not do something silly like fall in love with
her. "I thought you were aro."
Meg's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. He knew that look. Nothing pleasant
came from being on the receiving end of that look. "And?"
There was no point beating around the bush, she'd get it out of him eventually,
so he bit the bullet. "I didn't think you'd... be looking for a soulmate." It
remained unsaid what he really meant.  You don't have one.
"Well, that's kind of narrow-minded of you, Clarence." For the first time, the
nickname didn’t sound like an endearment. "Maybe I'm not looking for someone to
whisk me off my feet and be my knight in shining armor, but it doesn't mean
there might not be someone out there who I could have  something  with."
"Something like what we have?" It didn’t make any sense. This wasn’t what
soulmates were. They weren’t fuck buddies who hung out and drank together.
There was supposed to be  more . Like what he had with Jimmy.
You and Jimmy aren’t what soulmates are supposed to be. Who says there’s a
standard for soulmates to be? Stop being so judgemental and listen.
He probably should’ve listened to that voice.
"Yeah, why not? What’s wrong with that?" She shook her head and crossed her
arms over her chest, clearly annoyed that this needed saying. "This is good for
me. This is what I'd want. We fuck, we get along, and neither of us is
expecting a dozen roses come Valentine’s Day. This could’ve been it for me,
Clarence, but I guess I'll have to keep looking."
"Meg—"
"I'm not here to be a place holder, Clarence. Or a cover for whatever else
you’ve got going on. I gotta look out for  me ." She nudged him with her foot.
"C'mon Clarence, I figured of all people,  you'd  be open-minded about the
whole soulmate thing."
It would’ve been so easy to ignore that comment, but something about the look
in her eyes had him reeling. "What's that supposed to mean?" he growled out,
shoulders tensing and adrenaline kicking in. He jumped to his feet with his
fists clenched. He felt backed into a corner, and he was all too happy to fight
his way out of it.
But she didn’t look threatened in the least. If anything, she was bored with
the whole conversation. Giving him a knowing look— but  what  did she know?
—she went on her tiptoes to give him a chaste kiss on the lips. "Lemme know if
you ever want a quickie. Otherwise, take care of yourself, Clarence." She pat
his cheek and winked, then sauntered out of the apartment.
Years later, he still had her number saved in his phone just in case. He’d
never worked up the nerve to call her, though. Something about their last
conversation had left Cas deeply unsettled.
What did she know?
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Summary
     Cas adjusts to being alone
 To this day, Castiel doesn’t know what Meg had been getting at. She couldn’t
have meant…  that . There was no way she could’ve known, no reason for her to
have suspected anything about him and Jimmy. Yet he still can’t forget the look
in her eye—
But if she thought there was something more between the twins than brotherly
affection, why did she even entertain the thought that Castiel might be her
soulmate? There are  rules  about this. A lot of them aren’t really talked
about it, but everyone knows them. You have  one  soulmate. Maybe. If you’re
lucky.
Granted, he was kind of a dick to imply that she didn’t have a soulmate. Sure,
the movies liked to make the idea of soulmates so romantic and amazing, but
that hardly described every relationship. He’d felt like an ass about it in the
aftermath of their breakup, but he’d never worked up the courage to contact her
and apologize. And perhaps he’d been too much of a coward to talk to her again
and open the door to finding out what she  really  meant.
The  point  is, he hasn’t had reason to question soulmate bonds for some time.
He’d kissed Meg because it was safe. Hell, he’d kiss  anyone  because it didn’t
matter. If you already have a soulmate, what harm can a kiss do?
A lot, apparently.
Jimmy kissing Dean should’ve been safe. Jimmy is  his  soulmate.  His.  You
don’t just  lose  that. Except he just did.
Castiel refuses to go back to the apartment. In the raging storm of emotion he
feels right now, there’s no way he can stomach going back. Not right now. Not
until he gets time to think and figure out what the fuck is going on. Which
means he’s effectively homeless. He does a quick inventory of what he has on
him: his car, laptop, some of his notes for class, his wallet, his cell phone,
and most likely some random crap that Jimmy’s left in the car. No change of
clothes for work tomorrow. No phone charger. No toothbrush or deodorant, for
fuck’s sake.
Well, at least that was a problem he could take care of. He stops at a 24 hour
pharmacy and picks up some toiletries. They have some sweatpants and plain tees
up front, so he grabs several of those as well. He’ll likely have to take a few
days off work to get himself settled. Admittedly, he still holds out hope that
Jimmy will call him at any moment and say it was all a huge misunderstanding.
There were no sparks, it was just a quick fuck between friends and please come
home Cassie,  please .
While in line, he checks his phone. No missed calls. No messages.
He throws his purchases onto the passenger seat and drives off. He drives
aimlessly around the city for an hour while he tries to piece together what the
fuck he’s supposed to do now. 2 am rolls around and he’s falling asleep at the
wheel. The backseat of the Continental doesn’t seem particularly appealing at
the the moment. In a moment of exhausted weakness, he heads to the first place
he can think of.
Plastic bags in tow, he pounds on the apartment door. It's the middle of the
night and he fully expects to be standing on the door stoop for a few minutes,
but he’s only been knocking a minute when the door opens to a surprised but
very much awake Gadreel.
“Castiel? What are you doing here—?”
Cas sidesteps him and barges into the small foyer. “Can I crash here for a few
days?” He’s already kicking off his shoes and heading into the living room,
Gadreel’s acquiescence barely more than formality.
There’s a moment of hesitation. “I still don’t wish to sleep with you,
Castiel.”
“Good,” Cas grunts as he drops his stuff on the coffee table and throws himself
on the lumpy couch. “Your throw pillows are more than adequate company.”
From the corner of his eye, he can see Gadreel standing at the edge of the
sofa. The two have been sort of friends for a few years now. They’ve worked
together and yes, Castiel made a pass at him at last year’s Christmas party.
Between his excitement for his ski trip with Jimmy and his excitement at
getting to see Dean again in the spring, he’d been horny. Gadreel had politely
turned him down, and Castiel had shrugged it off. Things were strained around
the office for a few weeks, but once Gadreel saw that Castiel genuinely wasn’t
offended, they’d gotten back to the way things had been before.
Things might go back to being awkward if Gadreel decides to kick him out.
“Did your brother kick you out?”
Castiel buries his face in the mismatched pillows. He'd rather not talk about
Jimmy right now, but he owes some sort of explanation to Gadreel. “I kicked
myself out.”
“Does he have a paramour staying over? I believe you've said you have a small
apartment, so I imagine that would be problematic if they're vocal—”
Images of Jimmy and Dean in the throes of passion come forward unbidden.
Rocking against each other and loudly encouraging each other. They're both so
loud , and he can easily picture them moaning in delight, crying out each
other's names as they come,  kissing  each other—
“Oh for fuck's sake,” Cas snarls but reels his anger back in. “I have no
fucking clue if they're loud, and I have no intention of finding out. Can I
stay here or not?”
Gadreel considers him, no doubt taking in the plastic bags and his manic
appearance. Castiel's story rings false, or at least incomplete. After a short
lived staring match, Gadreel shrugs. “If you'd like. Would you like to borrow
some work clothes for tomorrow?”
Unable to voice his thanks, he instead offers a relieved smile. “No, thank you.
I'm calling in sick.” It's late and he's exhausted. Even if he were in the
right state of mind to work, Castiel would be dead on his feet tomorrow. Better
to take the day to figure things out. Like if he's going to fix things with
Jimmy… or find himself a more permanent living situation.
Ugh don't think about that. Don't think about anything. Just go to sleep.
Hopefully he's too tired to dream. The last thing he needs is to keep seeing
Dean in Jimmy's arms on the couch. Groaning into the couch cushions, he buries
his face under the pillows.
At some point during the night, Gadreel must have given him a blanket, because
he wakes up warm and relatively comfortable. There’s shuffling in the
kitchenette, and his first thought is to yell at Jimmy to make him some coffee.
The words die in his throat when he catches sight of his co-worker eating an
orange. The previous night’s events come back to him, and he’s torn between
wanting to retch or punch something.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come to work today?” Gadreel asks as he puts on
his suit coat.
Castiel’s answer is to pull the thin blanket over his head. He pretends to be
asleep while Gadreel finishes getting ready for work. Alone in the apartment,
he stays on the couch until he really does doze off again.
He’s woken up a few hours later by the sound of his phone ringing. Digging it
out of his pockets, he sees Jimmy’s name glaring back at him.
“What?” he snaps.
Jimmy hesitates a moment before answering. “Cas? Where are you? When are you
coming home? Are you alright? We need to talk—”
“Did you really feel sparks when you kissed Dean?”
“Yes—?”
Cas hangs up and turns off his phone, tossing the phone on the floor. He rolls
over and goes back to sleep, determined to waste the rest of the morning. Lying
there for a while, sleep won’t come for him, so he throws the blanket aside and
grabs his computer.
Castiel always prides himself on being able to keep his emotions at arm’s
length. He can look at a situation analytically and find the best solution
without getting hung up on distractions. Even with Jimmy, he’s always been able
to do that. That’s why he kept his brother at arm’s length before they kissed,
never letting him take that one step closer than he should. But with Dean in
the mix…
Admittedly, Dean’s been something of a blind spot for him. Castiel liked Dean
from the moment they met and had decided it was better to keep him as a friend
than risk bringing sex into it. That always complicated things and guaranteed
an end to Cas’ friendship with the person in question. He hadn’t wanted that
with Dean. He knew Dean and Jimmy would get along ( how fucking right you were,
he thinks bitterly )  and hoped to introduce them. They’d hit it off so well,
became fast friends just like Dean and Cas had, and Cas had wanted things to
stay that way. But Dean had been so adorable in Germany… Jimmy’d been the one
to encourage him to sleep with Dean, because he  knew  there was a mutual
attraction there and because it’d be good for him to “get some tail” while he
was gone.
“Either you ride him or you’re gonna jump me in the airport right outside
customs, and I’m pretty sure you sucking Dean off in your hotel room is going
to make less of a scene than  that .”
Castiel shakes his head to dispel the memory. The  point  is, he needs to
approach this logically and not let his feelings for Jimmy or Dean get in the
way. So when his laptop boots up (thankfully Gadreel hadn’t changed his wifi
login since that one time he came by to finish up some work stuff), he starts
doing research.
This is hardly his first venture into the “soulmate problem.” There were those
hurried internet searches before kissing Jimmy where he'd tried to see if what
he wanted was even  possible , but each search inevitably ended with him
freaking out. He'd hurriedly closed the window and cleared his browser history,
feeling dirty and wrong for having so much as typed the words “can you be
related to your soulmate?”
Now, though, Castiel can't afford to be coy. He knows what he's looking for,
and as certain as he is about what the answers are likely to be, he searches
anyway.
He types:  Can you have more than one soulmate?
The answer is, as he expects, a resounding  no . The closest relevant articles
he can find are on history sites.
There are a number of people throughout history who have claimed to have more
than one soulmate. Roman emperors were particularly notorious for it. Nero
claimed his wife, Poppaea Sabina, was his soulmate, but later added to that by
explicitly stating that Statilia Messalina and the freedman Sporus were also
his soulmates.
Emperor Hadrian claimed to be soulmates both with his wife Vibia Sabina and
with his lover Antinous, though many historians posit that he lied about the
soulmate bond with his wife. The two were good friends, and stating she was his
soulmate further elevated her position as empress. There is no doubt that the
two were close, but the relationship between Hadrian and Antinous much more
resembles that of soulmates.
And on and on it goes. Examples of emperors, kings, and nobles insisting that
multiple people were their soulmates in order to justify affairs. The Church
viewed soulmate bonds as sacred, and the claim—something that could never be
substantiated but also could never be refuted - allowed many rulers to take
mistresses without censure. The Church very rarely investigated the incidents
in question; they were skeptical if not outright scornful, but the Pope could
never openly contradict the ruler in question without risking war in Europe.
It’s actually rather fascinating, and Castiel loses an hour reading about
French kings and their mistresses before he realizes he’s not learned anything
relevant to his own situation.
All he knows is that there are no  modern  examples of people claiming to have
more than one soulmate, at least not beyond skeevy tabloids and episodes of
Maury  and  Jerry Springer . Frustrated, he gives up that search.
Conventional wisdom says you can’t have more than one, and Castiel’s never had
any reason to doubt it. What he feels for Jimmy is so intense and all-
consuming. If he were to feel a fraction of that for another person, it’d be
overwhelming. Castiel simply can’t imagine someone with a heart big enough to
feel that for two people at the same time. Even Jimmy, who he thinks the world
of, would crumble under the weight of it.
Never mind the mathematical unfairness of it.  At most  twenty percent of the
population finds a soulmate. How fucking unfair would it be for some people to
have  two  when so many people have none? Jimmy’s amazing, and he deserves it,
but Castiel finds it hard to believe that his brother would be that lucky.
Especially considering how unlucky soulmates have been for him so far.
Suspicions confirmed, Castiel moves onto his next search:  Do soulmate bonds
fade?
No matter how far he takes that search, they all lead back to the same section
to the Wikipedia article on soulmate bonds:
When two soulmates first kiss, the sensation they feel is often described as
‘sparks flying’ (see: Soulmate Imagery in Ovid, Shakespeare, Byron, and Wilde).
The initial experience is the most intense, and there are some reported
incidents of one partner fainting. The ‘sparks’ feeling persists with every
kiss, but the intensity of the feeling  fades over time .
This fading soulmate spark is a trope used in stories where two lovers kiss for
the first time in a situation where at least one party is unaware of the
other’s identity. Often, a third party will attempt to persuade one of the
lovers that they are in fact his/her soulmate instead. The most famous example
is in Cinderella, where Prince Charming relies on the soulmate bond to identify
Cinderella as his soulmate, while the evil stepsisters attempt to use the
fading sparks as a way to trick him into marrying them instead.
“Great, thank you Wikipedia,” Castiel grouses, “for the fucking textbook
explanation of something every fucking child knows. You’ve been a real help to
me,” Castiel mutters as he goes back to the search box.
He tries again:  Can you stop being soulmates with someone?
The results for this are a little more interesting. There are actual scientific
journals linked, all of them attempting to find a way to prove and even predict
soulmate bonds. One young Swedish scientist has a blood test in development to
identify people as soulmates, a test that’s perhaps only a few years away from
being ready to the public (at quite the price - Castiel can’t help but whistle
at the numbers quoted, because it seems a ridiculous amount to pay for
something that can be found out for free with a kiss). And while tangentially
interesting, what really catches Cas’ attention is that the man cites two
difficulties in developing an accurate test: first, that some people are not
forthcoming with accurate information about who their soulmate is or isn’t; and
second, that some bonds seem to fade to the point of being undetectable.
“There have been cases — and I’m not at liberty to discuss the specifics — but
I’ve seen cases where the bond is still felt between partners, yet the test is
not able to identify them as soulmates,” Doctor Nilsson tells us. “But there
have conversely been situations where the test would suggest that a couple are
soulmates, yet they say the sparks have faded so much they can no longer feel
them at all. It’s quite fascinating, and warrants more research in the future.
I implore other biochemists to pursue this field to help answer these very
basic questions about something that’s around us all, yet is so poorly
understood after centuries. It should be quite telling that Greek philosophers
and Medieval alchemists had more interest in finding out the nature of these
bonds than modern scientists. With the advances we’ve made in science since
their time, there’s no reason these should even still be questions, yet more
and more we find ourselves asking them.”
“If I’d known the fucking shit I’d have to deal with, I’d have become a
scientist and be right there with you.” He finishes reading the Nilsson article
out of morbid curiosity, then finds himself back on historical sites reading
about Henry VIII claiming each of his wives was his soulmate… until they
abruptly weren’t.  The bonds faded and broke  was always his assertion when
challenged. Because of the Church’s stance on the profound nature of soulmate
bonds, he’d pleaded for the annulment of his marriage with Catherine of Aragon.
It’d been meaningless, of course. Plenty of people didn’t marry their soulmate,
and that hadn’t given them the right to annul their marriage and remarry once
they’d found them. The Pope’s response to Henry VII said it well enough:  The
sanctity of marriage is paramount — it should be impossible for someone
honoring the pledges they made before God to find a soulmate. Once a man takes
a wife, he pledges himself to her in the sanctity of marriage, and even in
light of a proven soulmate bond, there is nothing that will dissolve marriage
short of death.
Honestly, Castiel had always assumed Henry VIII had been an ass, taking
advantage of his position and the women who married him. And then using
soulmate bonds to manipulate them for his own purposes. He’d spent so much of
his history classes condemning the monarch for being a dick that he’d
overlooked how terrible a position it left those women in. If they’d actually
found a soulmate, only to have him move on to someone else afterward…
Let’s just say, it sucked, and Castiel doesn’t wish this feeling on anyone,
ever.
After that, he runs out of reasonable articles. Needless to say, he decides to
pursue some of the less reasonable ones.
Yahoo Answers. The bottom of the bottom. This is what his life has come to,
looking at poorly spelled questions and ridiculous responses that may or may
not be other users trolling the original poster. It doesn’t really help him,
but it does make his fears seem more justified. His concerns that he’s losing
Jimmy as a soulmate are completely reasonable in the wake of dozens of others
asking the same thing, sharing stories of a bond that’s faded or that they feel
is broken entirely.
He lies there on the couch, staring at the ceiling.
Where does this leave him?
All the anger that he’d felt last night is gone. Who’s he going to be angry at,
anyway? Neither Dean nor Jimmy had any say in the matter, and aside from
kissing they haven’t really done anything wrong. Jimmy and Cas have an open
relationship when it comes to sex, and so do he and Dean. Yeah, it was kind of
shitty of them, but if he’s honest with himself, Cas doesn’t care that they
fucked each other. The breach of his trust—whether explicitly stated with Jimmy
or implied with Dean—is secondary to the fact that  they’re fucking soulmates .
This isn’t just sex, there’s a hell of a lot more on the line than that. The
two of them fucking doesn’t mean their relationship with him has to change.
Dean being the fucking love of Jimmy’s life changes  everything .
Where does that leave things, anyway? He’d hung his whole life on the idea that
he and Jimmy were meant to be together. He’d given up so fucking much to make
that happen, and now Dean’s replacing him. Were he and Jimmy just  temporary
soulmates? Have they outgrown each other? Was Castiel just a placeholder until
Dean came along? Does he have some other soulmate out there, some  real
soulmate that’s supposed to come along and replace Jimmy, too? Was it all
pretend or some fucking misunderstanding or—
Stop , he scolds himself. He can’t keep living in this fucking hell of what
if’s and why’s. He has to ignore the things he can’t control or understand, and
focus on things he  can .
He can’t bring himself to go back to  his  Jimmy’s apartment, but he  can  make
new living arrangements. With a burst of energy, he gets off the couch and
grabs a notebook from his messenger bag. Tearing out a page, Castiel makes a
list of what he’ll need to do to avoid going back to the apartment. Sure, he
knows Jimmy’s work hours, but he suspects it’ll be more difficult to navigate
at the moment if Jimmy’s worried about him. Better to not deal with it at all.
To do list:
- Find new place to live (Gadreel??)
- Get new textbooks
- Get new clothes: work clothes, underwear, pajamas
- Look into getting mail forwarded (need forwarding address…)
- Reschedule German proficiency test
- Ask Mrs. Tran to take care of my petunias
There are other things he probably  should  get or replace, but right now he
wants to focus on the necessities. What does he need to get through the next
week (or two or three)? While he’s thinking it over, he turns his phone back
on. He has class tonight and needs to text his classmates to see if any of them
will be there early to lend him the textbook for a bit. If he times it
perfectly, he can run to the library and make copies of the next chapter before
class starts. Otherwise he’ll have to swing by the campus bookstore and see if
they have any left.
His phone goes crazy as it turns on, a constant stream of notifications. In
shock, Cas goes through the first few. Dozens of missed calls and texts. Some
are from Dean, but the vast majority are from Jimmy. He has no interest in
hearing what either has to say (a pang in his chest disagrees, desperately
wanting to hear their voices even as he reels against the idea of listening to
the words themselves), so he studiously ignores them. Swiping away each
notification, he opens up his text messaging app and deletes the threads from
Dean and Jimmy, and goes to open his most recent conversation with Pamela.
After sending a message about the textbook situation, he picks his notebook
back up and adds a new item.
- Get new phone number??
Happy with his list, Castiel grabs some of his new clothes and heads to the
bathroom to shower. It’s going to be a long day, but he’ll manage. It’s not
like this is the first time he’s had to cut and run.
 
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean and Jimmy, happily dating
 Dean fiddles with the phone in his hand, going over what he wants to say a few
more times. He’s practiced and practiced it in his head, even roping Jimmy in
on it until it’d gotten so ridiculous they’d burst into laughter. Which had led
to kissing.  Lots  of kissing. Fuck, Dean hadn’t realized how amazing kissing
was until Jimmy, and now he can’t get enough of it. Every time he sees Jimmy,
it’s all he can do to keep from jumping the guy. Not for sex—though there has
definitely  been sex—but simply to press their lips together and enjoy the
electric buzz passing between them.
But fun as kissing Jimmy is, it hadn’t helped him prepare for this
conversation.
The phone rings once, twice, five times and Dean worries it’ll go to voicemail.
This is  not  a conversation he wants to have with a machine. He’s about to
preemptively hang up and call again when the line picks up.
“Dean?”
“Heya Sammy,” he breathes out. Fuck, this is nerve-wracking. What was he going
to say again? Oh, right. “So I… I started seeing someone.”
“That’s great!” His brother’s voice is a little too chipper and enthusiastic,
making Dean wince. “I’m glad you’re dating again. I know how bad you took… uh,
how bad your last breakup was.”
“Lisa. It’s okay, man, you can say her name.” Dean knows he’s said as much
before, but for once he actually feels like it’s true.
Silence. “Yeah, well, I’m happy you’re happy,” Sam says, deciding it’s better
to avoid the Lisa issue altogether. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” Even though Sam can’t see him, Dean tries to hide the smile pulling
at the corners of his lips. This thing with Jimmy is still new, and he can’t
help but be shy about it. He  knows  Jimmy won’t leave him for some mystery
soulmate, but that doesn’t erase the years of unease Dean’s felt in
relationships. Things are going well, and that terrifies him. Being soulmates
doesn’t automatically create a stable relationship, or chase away all of Dean’s
baggage. Sooner or later, it’s going to get hard and Dean’s not going to know
how to handle that. Arguments aren’t something he’s had to handle with
partners. They were never together long enough for it to be an issue, and he’s
reasonably confident that Lydia broke up with him preemptively because they
were in this weird situation where Dean wanted to move in together but she
didn’t. She sure nipped that whole discussion in the bud.
“You’re freaking out, aren’t you?’
“What?” Dean wonders how long he’d been zoned out. “No!”
“Dean…” That’s Sam’s long-suffering-brother voice, and out of habit it makes
Dean huff indignantly. “I know you’re worried about the whole soulmate thing,
but I think you really focus too much on it. I know there’s me and Jess and Mom
and Dad, but there are  plenty  of people who have good, solid relationships
without being soulmates. Look at Bobby and Ellen!”
“Yeah, but their soulmates are dead,” Dean automatically answers. They’ve had
this exact conversation almost verbatim. Sam tries so hard to convince Dean
that it’s okay, that he’ll find someone who’s right for him and live happily
ever after and blah blah blah. In Sam’s defense, he’s never sugarcoated and
insisted that Dean had a soulmate, just that he could work around that issue.
(“See, that right there’s the problem, Dean. It doesn’t have to even be an
issue.”) Turning his attention back to the phone, he adds, “It’s not like
they’re holding out looking for something more. They  know  where their
soulmate is, and they’ve got the closure on that to move on to something else.”
“Ugh, you  always  obsess over this soulmate thing. Seriously, you need to let
it go or you’re never going to be able—”
“I kissed him. Jimmy. My boyfriend. I uh… I kissed him.”
Dean imagines every other time he’s said those words to his brother. The first
few times were met with hope until Dean had given the inevitable denial. By the
time Lisa came around, Sam had become a lot more guarded and careful, but his
worry for Dean was clear. And completely warranted—Dean’s gotten worse at
handling the rejection. At this point, Dean’s pretty sure Sam’s wincing and
wishing he were there to start pouring the whiskey and talk him through it.
“Dean,  please  don’t worry about it,” Sam pleads. “I seriously don’t want you
fixating on this while you’re dating him. Jimmy deserves you putting your full
trust into this relationship. Don’t get hung up on a kiss.”
“Sam, it’s okay… He uh.. I mean,  we …” Dean’s imagined this moment a million
times throughout his life, and he never expected it’d be so hard to get the
damn words out. “There were sparks, Sammy.”
The tense, drawn out silence that follows is absolutely deafening, until it’s
abruptly broken by a sharp exhale. “Oh thank  god . Fuck, man, I’m so happy for
you. Seriously. I… I’m speechless, that’s how excited I am. Holy shit…”
“Calm down,  Samantha , it’s not that big of a deal,” Dean teases, but now
there’s a full blown grin on his face and he actually lets himself enjoy this
shared moment of joy with his brother.
“Yeah, right,” Sam laughs. “Is he coming for Thanksgiving? Mom and Dad are
gonna wanna meet him.  I  want to meet him. Wait, have you told Mom and Dad?
Does Jo know? She says you were moping lately so I don’t think—”
“Sam? Chill. We haven’t talked about Thanksgiving or anything yet. This is
still kinda new, so I don’t know if I wanna force him into that just yet. I
mean, we’re still figuring this stuff out for ourselves, and having family
hovering kinda complicates things, y’know?”
“Yeah, yeah I get that.” Dean knows all about the stress Sam dealt with meeting
Jess’ family a few years ago. He’d bent over backwards to make a good
impression, but Jess’ dad had still given him shit. It’d made for a rocky start
and Dean doesn’t think he can handle that right now.
Or ever. He’s already got enough on his plate with whole Cas thing. Dealing
with more family drama sounds like the kiss of death to this thing with Jimmy.
“So… Tell me about him. Jimmy? How long have you been together? What’s he
like?”
“He’s fucking  awesome . Met him a while back but we’ve only been together a
few weeks. Super hot, great sense of humor, creative, smart, the whole package,
really. I’m crazy about him.”
“That’s great. I can’t wait to meet him.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait for you to meet him either.” Dean chews on his bottom lip.
This only the first half of what he needs to say, and this was hard enough to
do that he’s not sure he has the energy to keep going.
Sam, however, senses his unease. “There something else you’re not telling me?
Because if you need to talk, you know I’m here for you.”
“I know.” Of course he knows, but it still took a couple weeks to build up the
courage to do this. “So uh… Jimmy’s great and all that, but I kinda… I was
kinda maybe dating his brother before this? Not dating-dating, but there was
definitely a friends with benefits thing going on. And I think I fucked up
pretty badly with that whole situation, because now Cas—his brother—won’t even
talk to me or Jimmy.”
“Of course you did. Only  you  could possibly find yourself in a situation like
this.” There’s a sigh and some shuffling on the other end of the line.
“Alright, let’s hear it.”
Talking to Sam helps. At the very least it gives him a sounding board, a way to
get a lot of things off his chest. Dean starts at the beginning, which means
starting with Cas and German.
(“I wondered how the fuck anyone got  you  on a plane. Turns out all we needed
was a cute guy for you to bang.”
“... I wasn’t actually banging him when we left.”
“But you  wanted  to bang him.”
“No comment.”)
Sam listens, occasionally asking questions but otherwise letting Dean talk.
Dean tries to stay focused on the just the facts, but at one point he mentions
drowning in Cas’ blue eyes and he knows he’s rambled a little too far off
topic. Thankfully, Sam doesn’t tease him about it. By the time he gets to
kissing Jimmy, he’s emotionally drained.
“And we kinda slipped into dating after that. It’s been like really fucking
awesome most of the time. But Cas basically disappeared off the face of the
planet. He won’t talk to me, he won’t even talk to Jimmy, and hasn’t gone back
to the apartment. Jimmy took a few days off work to wait around for him, but
nothing. Now he can’t stand to be over there, spends pretty much every night at
my place because he’s so worried he’s fucked things up with his brother. Which
obviously makes me feel like a sack of shit for coming between them, which is
the  last  thing I wanted to do.”
“Mind if I ask a few questions?”
Dean slumps further onto his couch, pulling a pillow in for comfort. “Shoot.”
“Did you and Cas ever talk about being exclusive?”
“Nope. Pretty much the opposite. I’m pretty sure if I’d asked him to be my
wingman at a bar, he’d have been all for it. And if that didn’t pan out, he
would’ve just blown me himself.”
“Gross. TMI, Dean. Did he ever make it seem like he wanted something more?”
“No. And Jimmy says Cas doesn’t do relationships. Never has. He warned me about
it and everything.”
“He warned you about it?” Sam asks hesitantly.
“Yeah. Said not to get too attached to Cas because he wouldn’t ever want
anything more than sex. Which is what I thought I wanted, so it didn’t really
bother me.”
“Okay, so if I’m understanding this… You were fucking one brother, and the
other warned you not to try for more, then you  kissed  the second brother, and
the first brother got upset and disappeared. Is that about right?”
“Well when you put it that way,” Dean grumbles, “it sounds bad.”
“I’m not judging. You called for my help and I’m here to give you that. But I
need to make sure I’ve got all the information before I suggest anything.”
“Kinda sounds like you’re suggesting Jimmy might’ve been lying.”
“I’m not.” Sam’s tone is firm and Dean lets go of his annoyance. It’s unfair of
Dean to think Sam wouldn’t be supportive; Sam never cared for Lydia, but he was
always there for Dean when they were together. “So Cas won’t go back home and
won’t talk to either of you, right?”
“I haven’t even seen him around campus. We used to meet for drinks once a week,
and we were studying together for the German proficiency exam, but he’s just
friggin  gone .”
“And Jimmy’s upset.”
“Well yeah he’s upset. How’d you feel if your brother went awol?”
“And you feel guilty.”
“You’re not even asking questions anymore,” Dean whines. “You’re just sayin’
shit you already know.”
“Uh huh.” If they were in the same room, Dean has no doubt his brother would
rolling his eyes and patting his head. It makes him curl even more around the
throw pillow. “So Cas is clearly upset, but I’m not really in a position to
know  why . Maybe he’s jealous in general that his twin found a soulmate. The
two of them live together and spend a lot of time together, he might be afraid
of losing his brother.”
“Then why’d he  leave ? Doesn’t that guarantee losing him?”
“To have some control over the situation? Or maybe he’s jealous that it’s  you
specifically. If he was into you and his brother took that away, that sounds
upsetting. And no, I’m not saying Jimmy lied about Cas’ feelings or intentions
or whatever. Maybe he didn’t realize Cas was interested in more than sex. Maybe
Cas  wasn’t aware of it, either, until it wasn’t an option anymore.”
“But basically, Cas is jealous.” Dean turns the idea around in his head a few
times. It sounds plausible. More than that, it sounds  likely . Yet jealousy
should’ve brought tension between the three of them, not Castiel abandoning his
apartment in the middle of the night. Cas has always been reasonable and seemed
the more level-headed of the twins. Being upset about Dean hooking up with his
brother—for  whatever  reason—shouldn’t result in him leaving. This is an act
of passion that doesn’t make sense with the information Dean has. There’s
something  missing, some piece of the puzzle he doesn’t have.
“Well,” Sam’s voice startles him a little, “it’s either that or he’s a giant
drama queen throwing a tantrum for attention.”
“Drama doesn’t really seem like Cas’ thing,” Dean admits.
“Then I got nothing. I’m not sure how to help out, either. Sounds like Cas is
upset and jealous, and he’s going to have to work through that on his own. If
he doesn’t want to talk to you guys, you can’t force it. Just let him cool off
and he’ll come around eventually.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“Then deal with it later. But it’s only been a couple weeks, right? Let him be
pissed for a bit, and then when he’s ready grab a beer and talk it out.”
“You make it sound easy.” The idea of sitting down at a table with Cas makes
his stomach turn. All he wants to do is apologize and make things right, but
doing  it is terrifying. Maybe because Dean feels a little guilty, like he
deserves at least some of the anger Cas has for him, and he doesn’t want to
face it.
There were so many moments he played around with the idea of dating Cas, and
there’s no denying the hurt he feels now that the possibility’s closed off for
good.
“It’s not. Sorry. I know you’ve been thinking about finding a soulmate for a
while, and now there’s all this to deal with on top of getting to know each
other. But you’ll get through it.”
“Yeah?” He forces out a shaky breath. “Soulmates aren’t a guarantee, Sammy.
What if he sees how much I’ve messed his life up already and decides I’m not
worth the trouble—”
“Dean.” It’s the same tone their dad always used when they were about to do
something stupid. A warning, but a stern one. “You are not unloveable. You
deserve happiness. If you try to make things work with Jimmy, then they will.
Do not give up because it seems hard. Even if you have to work at it, being
with Jimmy will be worth the effort.”
Sam’s positive affirmations kindle a spark of hope inside Dean, and he hopes
the next few weeks or a meeting with Cas won’t quash it. Dean’s gotten so used
to expecting the worst, he honestly doesn’t know if he can get stop doing that.
“Thanks. I’m really trying not to let this get to me, but…” He shrugs,
forgetting Sam can’t see him.
“But it’s a lot to handle at once. Take it one day at a time. You can talk to
me whenever. Seriously, do  not  hesitate to call if you need to. Talk to Jo.
Talk to Benny. You should really talk to Charlie, she definitely gets the whole
soulmate thing causing family drama.”
That much was true. Dorothy hadn’t been out yet when she and Charlie first
kissed, and while their friends didn’t have much issue with it, her parents
took some getting used to the idea. If they hadn’t been soulmates, Dean’s not
sure what would’ve happened, but Dorothy and Charlie figured it out. Here’s
hoping he and Jimmy can too.
“Yeah, that’s not a bad idea.” There’s the sound of keys jingling in the door.
With how often they spent their nights together, he’d given Jimmy an extra set
of keys, and the other man had basically taken that as an invitation to move
in. Not that Dean’s complaining; Jimmy being around all the time was pretty
much ideal. With company there to distract him, Dean rarely had time to dwell
on all the shit he’d unloaded on Sam. “Look I gotta go.”
“Alright. Call me in a couple days to let me know how things are going. I’ll
hold off on telling Jess about this or she’ll probably just book us a flight
out there to meet the guy.”
Dean snorts. “Yeah that sounds about right. Why don’t you let me tell her
myself so I at least can be there when she makes plans to invade my apartment.”
After a quick good-bye, he hangs up. Willing himself to relax, he sits up on
the couch as Jimmy comes around the corner into the living room. “Hey babe. How
was work?”
Jimmy shucks off his shoes and stomps over to the couch, falling onto the
cushions and laying his head in Dean’s lap. “Another painful reminder that I
don’t want to do this stupid job the rest of my life.”
Dean winces. On top of the other Cas-related guilt he feels, there’s of course
the fact that Cas and Jimmy were hoping to start their business next year. They
should be planning and putting together business proposals, and instead Cas is
gone.
Jimmy either ignores or doesn’t notice Dean’s reaction. One moment he’s pouting
and the next he’s shoving a little folded index card into Dean’s face. There’s
a messy sketch of Dean in an apron with Jimmy kneeling at his feet. On the
inside it reads:  I’m tired, please take a care of me with a home cooked meal
and all the sex.
In spite of everything, Dean chuckles. “You hungry, I take it?” he asks,
rubbing his hands through Jimmy’s hair, massaging his scalp with every pass.
“Uh huh.” Jimmy burrows deeper into Dean’s lap. His nose brushes against Dean’s
navel and kisses him through the thin cotton of his shirt. He looks so adorable
there, so at home and comfortable in Dean’s touch, that Dean knows he’s totally
screwed. It’s only been a few weeks, and he’s already halfway in love with
Jimmy.
Dean tries not to focus on how easy that would make it for Jimmy to break his
heart.
“You want burgers or meatloaf?”
“I changed my mind,” Jimmy mumbles as his hands slip around Dean’s waist. “No
food, just snuggles. Order takeout, put on a movie, I don’t care as long as I
don’t have to move.”
“You know, even if I order food I’m gonna have to get up to open the door.”
“They don’t have drone delivery services yet that’ll fly it in your window? I
thought this was the future.”
“The future is bleak, what can I say.” Dean keeps putting gentle pressure on
Jimmy’s head as he opens up a browser on his phone and orders them some thai
food. They stay like that for a while until Dean finally gets up the nerve to
ask, “You hear from Cas yet?”
There’s enough of a pause that he thinks Jimmy might not answer him. But
eventually, a tiny, flat voice whispers, “No.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Dean moves his attention to the back of Jimmy’s neck
and between his shoulderblades. “He’ll come around.”
Abruptly, Jimmy pushes himself up and out of Dean’s grasp. “He’s being such a
child . I don’t understand. It’s not like I have to choose between either of
you. Hell, I’m not even trying to take you away from him. If you two still
wanted to…” He waves his hands in a vaguely rude gesture that Dean’s not
entirely sure he understands the logistics of (is he implying Dean has two
dicks?) before continuing his rant, “If the assbut would just  talk  or at
least  listen , I’m sure we could straighten everything out.
“Wait, back up… Are you saying you’d be fine with me and Cas fucking, even
though you and I are dating and he’s your brother?”
Jimmy blushes slightly and won’t quite meet Dean’s eye. “I’m not saying it
wouldn’t be weird, but I’d be fine with it. Especially if the alternative is
never seeing him again.”
That nagging sense that he’s missing something makes Dean uneasy. If the
situation were different, if this were a casual relationship built on sex like
what he had with Cas, then he’d probably waggle his eyebrows, call Jimmy kinky,
and ask if he wanted to watch while he bent Cas over and plowed into him. But
Jimmy,  his soulmate , is suggesting they sleep with other people. With his own
twin .
A knock at the door snaps him out of his tailspin. At least paying the delivery
guy and getting plates ready keeps him from having to think about the
implications of what Jimmy said. They're halfway through dinner and a rerun of
Iron Chef before he's forced to deal with it.
“I freaked you out, didn’t I?”
“Huh?” Dean wipes curry from his lips and suddenly finds himself incredibly
thirsty. The beer bottle buys him a few more seconds of time before he has to
answer. “What do you mean?”
“With the Cas stuff. I get it, it's weird. Everyone always talks about how hot
it'd be to be with twins.” Jimmy punctuates his annoyance with an eye roll and
twirl of his chopsticks. “But if it  actually  comes up, they panic.”
“You're speaking from experience.” Dean tries to picture Jimmy or Cas bringing
this up with previous lovers. He's not even surprised, but there's definitely
envy there. “You've brought this up to other people before?”
Jimmy shrugs and continues to eat his dinner with forced nonchalance. “Once or
twice. Mostly as a joke. One time I did it to purposely freak out one of Cas’
fuck buddies. We only ever did anything like that with one person, and only
once. But it was kinda fun and super hot and kinky. I'd be up for it again. I
mean, assuming you'd be okay with that.”
It's not like Dean can deny the fantasies he's had about the twins. Before
hooking up with Cas, his imagination had run wild with all sorts of scenarios
that featured not one but two blue-eyed beauties between his sheets. And maybe,
he'd been briefly disappointed after kissing Jimmy. Not that Jimmy isn't
amazing and probably way too good for an emotionally stunted guy like Dean, but
there are times he misses the smell and taste and feel of Cas. He'd given up on
ever being with him again, yet here Jimmy is, dangling the idea in front of
him.
It feels kind of like a test. The hesitancy in Jimmy's voice, his defensive
body language, it could mean anything. What does he want Dean to say? To admit
he wouldn't mind fucking into Cas’ warm heat one more time? Or to affirm that
he only wants Jimmy? He so badly doesn't want to screw this up, leaving him
paralyzed.
“Cas doesn't want anything to do with me,” he deflects weakly.
“Yeah, because he’s being a fucking idiot.” There’s a bitter tinge to his words
that Dean wants to fix. If only he knew how. “Let’s not talk about Cas right
now. If my brother wants to make himself miserable, that’s his problem. You and
I, on the other hand…” Jimmy leans over to rub his nose against Dean’s before
stealing a kiss, slow and sensuous and setting Dean’s skin on fire with an
electric buzz that he will  never  get tired of. “ We  are going to have a good
night fucking each other senseless and then call in sick tomorrow so we can do
it again in the morning, then spend the day pretending it’s a post-apocalyptic
world and the only safe place is the bed.”
Dean steals another kiss. “What kind of post-apocalyptic world we talking
about? Zombies? World War Three? Running out of fossil fuels?”
“Clearly this is a Skynet scenario. There are terminators running rampant, but
they’re too lazy to look indoors because reasons. We’ll be safe under the
covers for sure. Robots are allergic to Egyptian cotton and are mystified by
memory foam.”
The last knot of tension disappears with a throaty laugh. Jimmy’s such a
fucking dork, and Dean’s totally smitten with him. “Sounds reasonable. I’m
thinking I could be talked into spending an apocalypse with you.”
“Just one?” Jimmy asks as he slips into Dean’s lap. His arms encircle Dean’s
neck and his fingers tickle the hairs curling there. “My skills don’t end with
knowing the weaknesses of murderous robots. I’ve got a home remedy for curing
zombie infections and I’m sure I could charm my way into a fallout shelter if
we needed it.”
Dean’s hands come up to Jimmy’s waist, holding him in place while he grinds
their hips together. “Yeah, I bet you could. Especially considering the way you
charmed yourself into my pants.”
“Well, your pants aren’t exactly Fort Knox—” Jimmy squawks and tries to wiggle
out of Dean’s grip as he tickles up and down his sides. “No— stop !” Jimmy
shouts between fits of laughter. “Stop or I won’t volunteer as tribute to save
you from a dystopian battle royale!”
“Why don’t you  make  me stop?” Dean challenges, fingers finding their way
under Jimmy’s work shirt and dancing mercilessly along the exposed skin. The
men wrestle on the couch as Jimmy tries to squirm away or tickle back. Dean
only stops when Jimmy leans down to kiss him. It’s long and drawn out, the
sparks building in intensity as they explore each other’s mouths. The sparks
never get as intense as that first kiss, but they get close enough that Dean’s
mind whites out in pleasure.
That night in Jimmy’s arms, Dean forgets all about his worries.
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Summary
     Jimmy finds Cas
 It’s surprisingly easy to get used to sleeping alone.
Castiel has shared a bed almost every night since he and Jimmy moved in
together, and quite a few before that. The first week after moving into
Gadreel’s spare room turned office turned temporary guest room, he’d woken up
every morning crowded onto the futon stuffed in the corner behind a desk,
feeling cold. By the fifth morning or so, it no longer bothers him. It’s merely
part of his day, completely unremarkable and certainly no worse than any of the
other shitty times in his life.
Falling asleep is a lot harder. Even weeks later, he bundles up in his borrowed
blankets and chants the same mantra in his head until he drifts off:  I do not
miss Jimmy I do not missy Jimmy I do not miss Jimmy I do not miss Dean I do not
miss Jimmy I do not miss Jimmy—
In those vulnerable moments before sleep takes him, he sometimes sheds a couple
tears or whimpers for the familiar warmth of his brother. And only in those
moments is he willing to admit to himself how much his life really sucks right
now. He’s not even  living , he’s just surviving the shitshow of being on his
own. He’s  never  been without Jimmy this long. Even when he was in Germany,
they’d called and texted and emailed each other all the time, and the day
they’d be reunited was a fixed date.
Being cut off from Jimmy fucking  hurts . It’s like he’s lost a limb, his
better half, his best friend… Day by day he manages and holds out hope he’ll
get past this stupid  need  for someone who isn’t even his anymore.
But Jimmy he expected to miss. He’d spent years longing for him before they
kissed. What really guts him is how much he misses Dean.
On top of everything he feels with the whole Jimmy mess, there’s Dean. Dean,
who’s so beautiful and charming and smart and honestly not just a good fuck but
a good friend. He’s reminded of him every time he sets foot on campus or
studies for his German exam. Or gets a drink or watches a movie or sees a
particularly vibrant shade of green. Or hears someone tell a terrible joke or
when he smells apples and cinnamon or any other type of pastry. His days are
full of random reminders of the man who stole his brother and ruined his life,
and the worst part is he  misses  the bastard.
Gadreel’s place is the only space free of reminders of them. He spends most of
his time there when he can help it. Even if it’s cramped, it’s one of the few
places Jimmy wouldn’t think to look for him and that Dean wouldn’t go to. He’d
already had to cut out most of his favorite restaurants, cafes, and bars
(goodbye  The Front Door , you’ll be dearly missed) and he’d drastically cut
down on his social outings with friends. Any time he hung out with Anna or
anyone else Jimmy knew, he spent so much effort orchestrating specific
circumstances where Jimmy wouldn’t be able to tag along or randomly show up.
He’s sure they all got the vibe that the twins are fighting, but none of them
pry beyond quiet looks shared between them when they think Cas isn’t looking.
Work is hell. Every other reminder of his brother or Dean could easily be
avoided, but every day he goes to work and remembers why he took this boring
job in the first place and all the effort he’s put into starting a business
with Jimmy. Sure, he could still get a new job once he graduates, but it
wouldn’t be the same. They’ve poured  years  of their life into that damn
business plan and now…
Now he can’t bear the idea of it without thinking of Jimmy.
In his weaker moments, he feels like his life is shattering around him. It
might be melodramatic, but that’s all he can think when one evening he steps
out of class one evening and sees Jimmy standing across the hall. The ground
splitting open and swallowing him whole would hurt significantly less.
Cas is well aware that he looks like a mess: his ill-fitting clothes, dark
circles under his eyes, and two days worth of scruff he hasn’t worked up the
energy to shave just yet. One look at him is enough to know something’s off.
But Jimmy… Jimmy looks so fucking good it’s not fair. He hasn’t had a sleepless
night, hasn’t agonized over the sudden change in his life. And why should he
have? He’s had Dean by his side the whole time. Why bother mourning the loss of
one soulmate when another’s there to pick up the pieces?
Somehow, he manages to keep breathing. Pointedly avoiding eye contact, he
ignores his brother and strides right past him. His stride doesn’t falter when
he hears Jimmy following behind. The only problem is if Jimmy tries to follow
him back to Gadreel’s place, but he’s pretty sure he could lose him in the post
rush-hour traffic. As he plans out a possible escape route in his head, Cas is
thrown off-balance when Jimmy pushes him. His surprise is the only reason he
puts up minimal resistance when Jimmy grabs him in a headlock and drags him
down the hall.
How many times in college had he and Jimmy done this? Waited around for the
other to finish class, snuck into an empty closet or classroom and fooled
around. Jimmy knows exactly what memories he’s bringing back to the surface
when he pushes Cas through the nearest open door and pulls it shut behind them.
Fuck him and this manipulative move. If he thinks nostalgia’s going to temper
Castiel’s anger, he’s got another thing coming.
“Are you fucking crazy?” he spits out and pushes his brother away from him.
Thank  god  the classroom’s empty and hopefully no one saw them disappear
inside. Leave it to Jimmy to almost cause a scene.
“What the fuck, Cas?” Jimmy snarls back, matching his brother’s anger and
crowding right back into his space. “You fucking drop off the face of the
planet for a month and you think  I’m  the crazy one? What the hell?”
“You  cheated  on me!” he explodes.
Jimmy flinches but doesn’t back down. “I know, and I’m sorry about that. I’ve
been  trying  to apologize for that but you  won’t talk to me.  You think I
want to ambush you at school? It was either this or at your fucking  job  and
this seemed slightly less invasive.”
“Oh, actually considering my feelings as you break the boundaries I’ve set. How
thoughtful of you. You have a card made up so I can thank you for that?”
“You  assbutt ! I can’t-Why won’t you-Fuck!” Jimmy gives up on speaking and
dives forward, crushing their lips together and throwing his arms around Cas’
neck.
Sparks fly. That familiar, low buzzing that’s always there beneath every kiss.
It’s such a fucking relief to be able to feel it, to know that there’s
something  left of their bond. Whatever Dean and Jimmy might be, at least
Jimmy’s still  his  soulmate. Drunk on that thought, he lets his fingers tangle
in Jimmy’s hair. When Jimmy deepens the kiss and backs him into the nearest
wall, he goes along with it.
Jimmy works a leg between Cas’ knees and gets him hard faster than he cares to
admit. He’s so worked up and he wants to blame it on the lack of sex. Since
leaving the apartment, he’s only had sex one time. He’d wanted to get back at
Jimmy and found a random hookup at a bar. It’d been unsatisfying and he’d felt
wrong afterward, so he’d given up trying to fill the void with meaningless
fucking. But his body’s current reaction has nothing to do with his self-
imposed celibacy. He’s  always  been at Jimmy’s mercy. Castiel, who normally
likes to take the lead, is a fucking mess when his twin shows even a hint of
dominance.
This isn’t what Cas wants, though. If they’re going to do this right here,
right now, it’ll be on  his  terms. He’s not going to give in to Jimmy like
this. If the bastard’s feeling guilty, let him deal with it.
He doesn’t want to stop kissing, but the thrill of their soulmate bond being
affirmed is gone. He wants  payback . Breaking the kiss, he flips them around
so that Jimmy’s back is against the wall. “Get on your knees,” he orders. Jimmy
looks at him with hooded eyes but does as he’s told, sliding down until he hits
the ground with a dull thud. Castiel traces his lips with his thumb while using
the other hand to rip his fly open.
“This what you want?” Cas growls as he holds the base of his cock and smears
precome along Jimmy’s lips. His other hand moves to fist Jimmy’s hair and hold
him in place. Jimmy strains against him, tongue darting out to taste but not
able to reach the head of Cas’ cock. “Answer me and I’ll let you have it.”
“Yes,” Jimmy moans and fights against Cas’ hold on him. “Want you. Always want
you. Please.”
He’s always been shit at saying no to Jimmy.
Cas presses the tip of his cock against Jimmy’s lips, and he obediently opens
his mouth. Without waiting, he pushes in deep. Jimmy gags a little but doesn’t
try to move away. He keeps his jaw slack as Castiel thrusts in and out a few
times.
Once he’s coated in spit, he forces Jimmy’s head back so their eyes lock. “You
going to let me use you?” There’s barely enough room for him to nod, but he
does, swallowing around Cas. Tears are already gathered at the corner of his
eyes, but it’s nothing compared to what Castiel has planned. “Good.” And then
he doesn’t hold back. He fucks into Jimmy’s willing mouth again and again,
hitting the back of his throat and reveling in the filthy noises he forces out
of his brother.
“I bet Dean doesn’t do this to you,” he growls. “Sure, Dean likes it rough, but
he doesn’t like to take charge like I do. Oh no, I bet you two are so fucking
gentle  and  vanilla  with each other. You think it’ll ever be the same with
him as it is with me, huh? You think he’ll ever take you apart the way I do? I
know every inch of your body. I’ve had  years  to learn the best ways to drive
you wild. You think some fucking new soulmate’s going to take care of you like
I have?”
Tears are flowing freely now and Jimmy moves to reach for his belt buckle. Cas
shifts so he can body Jimmy closer to the wall and pin his arms back. “No,” he
scolds. “This is for me. You’re  mine  right now, you got that?”
All Jimmy can do is moan in response, his hands falling limp at his sides an
indication that he’s given in. That’s when Castiel really lets go, using Jimmy
roughly for the brief feeling of pleasure. In no way does it make up for how
awful he’s been feeling, all the agonized, lonely nights and the ever-present
doubts every time he thinks about Jimmy, but it’s something. His orgasm rips
through him like a freight train, but the relief is short-lived. Because now
they’ll actually have to  talk .
He tucks himself back in and zips up his pants, wondering what the fuck they’re
supposed to do now.
He's both pleased and annoyed to see Jimmy's come in his pants. Pleased that
Jimmy enjoyed himself (enjoys  Cas  still), but annoyed that he'd come without
permission. Cas’ earlier anger buzzes back to life; this was about  him
finding release after a month of anxiety, not Jimmy… doing whatever the fuck
Jimmy’s doing.
“Have fun?” Castiel asks with as much indifference as he can muster.
Jimmy grunts an answer, getting to his feet and making a face as he adjusts the
wet spot at his crotch. “What?” Jimmy coughs around his raw throat, forcing out
each word. “I’ve missed you.”
“Your fault,” he snaps, pointing accusingly at Jimmy. He shouldn’t feel so
defensive —he’s  the injured party, after all, but he can’t help it. Arguing
with Jimmy always takes him back to when they were five, fighting over the
bigger cookie or who gets the better seat on the couch.
“I know, I’m sorry.” Castiel wasn’t expecting an apology. If anything, he
expected Jimmy to roll his eyes and tell him to stop being such a petulant
child. This is probably more effective, though, since Castiel’s frozen in place
as Jimmy keeps talking. “I shouldn’t have done anything with Dean without
talking to you first. I got caught up in the moment, and I’m sorry.” Taking a
tentative step closer to Cas, he reaches for his hand. “Come home?”
Fucking Jimmy. His resolve wavers and he draws a hand down his face to buy time
to process this. His brother’s admitted he fucked up and apologized… It doesn’t
make things okay, but it’s enough of an olive branch that he’s willing to
consider the offer. Shoulders slumping, he moves his hand to allow Jimmy to
take it. “So you’ve ended things with Dean?”
Jimmy startles, hand reflexively tightening around Cas’ before letting go. “No.
Of course not. Why would you think that?”
“You’re still seeing him?”
“He’s my soulmate, Cas. I’m not just gonna abandon him.” There’s a jab about
his own behavior in there, but he ignores it. “So yeah, I’m still seeing him.
Doesn’t mean I don’t want you back, too.”
Castiel’s blood is boiling and he can barely hear himself think over the way it
pounds in his ears. “Are you in love with him? Is that what you’re telling me?
You love this other soulmate you’ve magically gained?”
Jimmy spreads his arms helplessly. “I don’t know what you want me to say. Yes,
I love him. I’ve had a crush on him for months and now that I’m  allowed  to be
with him and see where it goes, I love him. Cas, stop — ” He’s already halfway
out the door when Jimmy pulls him back into the room and pushes the door firmly
shut. “What, you just gonna fuck and run and not talk about this?”
Violently jerking away, he starts pacing the classroom. He tries calming down,
counting to ten in an attempt to stop the dam from bursting, but he only gets
to five before rounding on Jimmy.
“I gave up  everything  for you. Don’t pretend you know how hard this is for
me. I’ve lost my brother, my soulmate, and my best friend because of this, and
you’ve lost  nothing . One soulmate swoops in to replace the other, and I may
as well have never been there.”
“I still love you, Cas. Nothing’s changed. I still  need  and  want  you — ”
“Nothing’s changed.” Cas laughs bitterly. “You have a new soulmate, Jimmy. How
is that not a change?”
“Castiel.” Hearing his full name throws him for a loop, but he shakes his head
to dispel the feeling. “This is an  addition , not a subtraction. I do not love
you any less than I did a few months ago, I — ”
“Why are you so upset that I left, anyway?” Cas snaps, too upset to even
process what his brother’s saying. “I’m doing you a  favor ! One fake soulmate
gotten rid of without any hassle so your real one can fit right into your life.
You should be  thanking  me for how easy I’m making this for you.”
“Is that honestly what you think? That I’d  want  Dean or  anyone  instead of
you? I want you both, you fucking idiot.”
Cas laughs humorlessly as he toes the foot of a nearby chair. It gives himself
something to focus on other than this conversation. It doesn’t really help.
“Well, that’s not how this stuff works, Jimmy.”
“Why not? I love you, you love me. We’ve been together since we were sixteen
years old, you assbutt. Seems like that’s a pretty fucking solid foundation,
and  you  just wanna throw it all away!”
“Don’t yell at me!”
“ You’re  yelling!”
“I’m yelling because I’m  pissed !
“Well, maybe I’m pissed too!” Jimmy shouts back. The words echo briefly in the
room before silence consumes them.
It never occurred to Castiel that Jimmy might be angry. Why would he be? Sure,
he might be upset at Cas for walking out, but even he admitted he’d warranted
some sort of outburst by cheating on Castiel.
“I’m trying to make this work for all three of us — ”
“It’s him or me,” Cas interrupts. “You get him or you get me.”
“Cas, that’s not fair to Dean — ”
“Don’t talk to me about  fair . We’ve been together for seventeen fucking
years . You’ve been with him for a  month . The fact that you can’t immediately
answer when I tell you to pick between us speaks volumes about how little our
relationship means to you.” Realization dawns on him. “Is this… is this because
you two can be together? Because you can actually  tell  people he’s your
boyfriend, whereas I’m just your dirty little secret?”
Jimmy strides over to him with such purpose that Cas thinks he’s about to be
kissed again. He doesn’t see the slap coming until right before his head knocks
to the side.
“You shut your fucking mouth,” Jimmy hisses. “And you listen to me. I love you,
you idiot. I don’t want to lose you. I am  not  pushing you away here, that’s
all you. But you have to understand that I love Dean, too. Hey!” Cas tries to
turn away, but Jimmy grabs his chin and forces him to look him in the eye. “I
love both of you. I want and need both of you. The only one getting in the way
of that is your stubborn ass. I  know  Dean’s different from Meg and Balthazar
and Crowley and April. I  know  you care about him more than you let on — ”
Hearing that is more jarring than getting slapped. He shakes off Jimmy’s hand
and takes a few steps back to get some space and air. He does  not  care about
Dean like that. Jimmy’s trying to rationalize things and make himself feel less
guilty about the whole mess. “You don’t know shit. I  don’t  care about him.
Dean’s fun to hang out with and a good fuck, but it’s not like I wanted to date
him. I had  you , and that was worth more until you fucking threw it away.”
Something about the words rings false even to him, but he’s not sure what.
The fire goes out of Jimmy’s eyes. Instead he looks tired as he comes over and
fists Castiel’s shirt. He pulls his brother in so that their foreheads touch.
“I’m throwing  nothing  away. I am here whenever you want me. I don’t give a
shit about people saying you can only have one soulmate. I have two, and I will
do everything I can to make it work out with both of you. So if I walk out that
door without you, I want you to know it’s your doing, not mine. And I want you
to know that I’ll be waiting for you, when you’re ready to come try and make
things work.”
He kisses Castiel at the corner of his lips, far enough that only the barest
tingle of their bond can be felt. It’s chaste and leaves Cas wanting more, but
he stands firmly in place. Jimmy sighs as he strokes Cas’ cheek, then slips
away. He lingers in the doorway, fingers tapping against the frame as he waits
to see if Castiel stops him. Against his better judgement, Cas doesn’t. With a
final sigh, Jimmy squares his shoulders in resignation before heading out the
door.
Soulmates are supposed to be forever. He gave up  everything  for Jimmy based
on that. They both lost so fucking much for the sake of being together, yet
Jimmy’s willing to cast him aside so easily. All this talk about Jimmy wanting
both Castiel and Dean… it’s never going to work. Jimmy’s living a pipe dream.
One that looks like it’s going to destroy everything they’ve built.
Castiel stands there in the empty classroom for a long while, wondering how the
hell he and Jimmy ended up here to begin with.
        [https://68.media.tumblr.com/98aaf627725ef31b0f0d8794be2725f3/
                      tumblr_oqf0qkC9CM1uqhw14o2_540.jpg]
They were always very careful. They had to be, to keep their parents from
finding out. Two years of not getting caught, though, and they got sloppy.
To be fair, they should’ve had some time to themselves. Their high school
graduation ceremony had ended and they’d come right home. Their parents were
downstairs, getting ready for their guests to arrive for a barbeque to
celebrate. With their dad busy on the deck getting food ready and their mom
taking care of the decorations, they’d had enough time to slip upstairs
unnoticed. To change, of course.
And maybe for Castiel to tease Jimmy with the sight of the plug he’d put in
that morning. The real plan had been to sneak out of their party for a quickie,
but Jimmy had convinced him they had time then. Castiel weakly protested even
as he helped Jimmy undo his pants and bent himself over his desk.
“Can’t wait til we get to school in the fall,” Jimmy whispered as he nipped
along his neck and breached Cas’ ready hole. “When I can make you beg for my
cock and give it to you whenever we want. You want that?”
“What do you think?” he asked while rolling his hips backward. For all his
bravado, Jimmy was so easy to wind up and Cas knew all too well how to get him
going. “I think it’s the other way around,” Cas teased, meeting Jimmy’s thrusts
and moving a hand to stroke himself. “I think  you’ll  be begging to fuck me,
and whenever  I  want your cock in me, I’ll take it.”
“Yes,” Jimmy moaned. “Yes yes yes yes  fuck yes— ”
The door flinging open startled Castiel into an unsatisfying orgasm, and his
come spurting all over his belly and desk. Jimmy’s thrusts stuttered to a stop
before he slipped out of Cas altogether. There were all of two seconds of
silence before their father marched over and grabbed Jimmy by the arm, swinging
him out of Castiel’s reach. “What in the name of God are you two doing?”
“We’re soulmates,” Jimmy said weakly as he tried to pull his pants back up.
The blow came so quickly that Castiel heard it before he registered seeing it.
Jimmy’s face jerked to the side and his eyes went wide. Castiel leapt forward,
his only goal to make their dad let Jimmy go, but he ended up with a blow to
the gut for his efforts. He toppled over, dropping to his knees and dragging in
a shallow breath. Terror gripped him and he stayed there, frozen as his father
and brother argued.
“How  dare  you — ”
“We’re soulmates!” Jimmy repeated with more conviction. “It’s gotta be okay,
right? God wouldn’t make us soulmates if it were wrong!”
“It shouldn’t have mattered!” he shouted. “You’re  brothers . You shouldn’t
have been  kissing  to find that out in the first place. Aren’t you dating
Amelia?”
Jimmy’s mouth snapped shut at that, and he looked guiltily at the floor. He’d
never been thrilled about using Amelia as a cover, but the two of them had
worked something out. She obviously didn’t know about the twins’ relationship,
but she knew what she had with Jimmy wasn’t serious. A high school fling that
they planned to end this summer. Amelia wanted a chance for them to find their
soulmates, and Jimmy had readily agreed to the easy out; they casually dated as
friends more than anything else, enjoying each other’s company and the fun of
going to the movies and restaurants together.
“You two were fornicating  in my house ,” their father continued, fueled by his
rage and indignation. “You laid with your own  brother , and you  dare  impugn
God’s gift of soulmates by using it as an excuse for a sin like this.”
“And you fucking hit your children? What would your god think about that?”
Jimmy snapped, cheek still damningly red.
“You of all people are not in a position to make assertions about what the Lord
would think right now.”
“What’s going on up here? Are you boys roughhousing? The guests’ll be here…
soon…” Their mother trailed off as she took in the scene before her: Jimmy
struggling against their father’s iron grip; their father’s face twisted in
disgust almost beyond recognition; Castiel on the ground with come drying on
his stomach and lube leaking out of his asshole; neither brother had been able
to put their get their pants back on properly, incriminating them even more. In
her shock, she squeezed the red balloon in her hands so much that it popped.
The illusion of calm shattered with it, and everything happened in rapid
succession after that. “You want your ungodly union, you can have it,” their
father spat darkly as he threw Jimmy to the floor next to Cas. “You get your
things and you leave. You aren’t welcome here anymore.”
“Wh-what about the party?” Jimmy asked. A cold gaze was all the answer they got
from their father. Their mother turned away. “What about college?” he squeaked.
“The tuition — ”
“Isn’t our problem. I was going to pay for my sons to attend school. I have no
sons now.” He walked over to their mother, guiding her out of the room. “You
have an hour. If you’re not out by then, I’m calling the police.” Then they
were gone and Castiel could hear his mother sniffling all the way down the
stairs. He had the uneasy feeling in his gut that it was the last time he’d
ever see the two of them again.
Jimmy sat there gawking for who knows how long, but Castiel forced himself to
get to work. He didn’t bother cleaning himself up; he pulled his pants back up
and then dug through their closet for their suitcases. Normally he was a
meticulous packer, creating a list of everything he was bringing and neatly
organizing it. There was no time for that kind of care now.
Without much thought, he went through their clothes and shoved a bunch of
everything in. He wasn’t feeling terribly sentimental at the moment - and with
good reason - so he ignored the photo albums and all that, instead opting for
smaller things like his first stuffed animal and Jimmy’s childhood blankie.
Everything else would have to stay behind.
Good riddance , he couldn’t help but think, though he suspected he’d miss all
of it sooner rather than later.
He grabbed their backpacks and stuffed them full of random things. Laptops,
toothbrushes, notebooks, pens and paper, a few books, anything that would fit
and that might be useful. The problem was they’d never been on their own
before. How could Castiel have any idea what was useful or what wasn’t?
At some point, a terrible  POP  sounded throughout the house. Jimmy jumped,
finally blinking back into awareness. Another and then another, over and over
without stopping. Castiel cringed, imagining his father going through all the
balloons in the living room and popping them one at a time. There had to have
been fifty of them. He couldn’t think of a worse soundtrack to finish packing
up his childhood to. At least it got Jimmy to his feet so he could help pack
the rest.
When their hour’s almost up, they head downstairs. Their bags were nearly
bursting at the seams, but there was still so much they were leaving behind. To
think that their lives now fit inside two suitcases, two backpacks, and a
duffel bag was absurd.
At the bottom of the staircase, they couldn’t help but notice the mess in the
living room. Streamers hurriedly torn down and stuffed into a corner. Dozens of
broken balloons. A ripped  Congratulations Grads!  sat on the edge of the
coffee table. And their mother in a corner of the couch, bawling her eyes out.
“Mom?” Jimmy’s voice was so broken and it hurt Castiel to know he’d caused it,
in a way. If he’d never kissed Jimmy —
Their father appeared in the doorway, cutting off the thought and blocking
their view of their mother. “There’s a taxi waiting outside for you. I paid ‘em
to take you to the bus station. Wherever you go from there, you’re on your
own.”
“How  generous  of you,” Castiel sneered. Their father’s hard eyes turned on
him for the first time since this all started. “Paying for our taxi so you can
believe yourself to be the ‘good Christian’ even as you kick your children out
on the streets, when really it’s just so the neighbors won’t see us leaving
with all our worldly possessions in tow. We don’t want your pity or your money.
I’ve always known what kind of man you are, but I thought maybe when it came to
your own children you’d have a bit more class. I’m sad but not surprised to
find out that’s not the case.”
His face went red with anger and he opened his mouth to respond, but Castiel
turned away. If their father was going to wash his hands of them, he was going
to do the same. And if their mother was going to let it happen, well, that was
unfortunate but not unexpected. He took Jimmy by the hand and lead him outside.
They walked right past the taxi and kept going, dragging their suitcases behind
them and heading further into town.
“I’m not gonna lie,” Jimmy said after a few blocks, “seeing you stand up to Dad
was kinda hot.” He swung his hips over so they bumped against Castiel. The
flirt was halfhearted at best, but it broke the tension that’d kept them quiet
so far.
“Well he’s an assbutt who deserved to hear the truth about it for once.”
They went a few more yards before Jimmy whispered, “I’m sorry I pushed for sex
before the party. I was so stupid, I completely forgot to lock the door and I
was probably too loud and...” He swallowed hard and shook his head. “I’m sorry.
This is all my fault. We should be at home celebrating with our friends, and
now we’re homeless.”
“I could’ve stopped you and I could have locked the door just as easily as you
could have. So let’s not worry about assigning blame. There’s more than enough
to go around. It’s done, so we may as well put it behind us.”
Jimmy ‘s long slow exhale told Castiel how relieved he was to hear Castiel
forgive him. “Okay. What do we do now?”
“Stop by the bank? Grab some cash?” They might be cut off from their parents,
but they had their own savings from working summer jobs. There was also their
inheritance from their grandparents. When their grandmother had passed, she’d
left a substantial sum for each of them in a trust fund. They were both
eighteen now and could access to it without their parents’ permission - thank
god  for small miracles - but the thirty grand she’d left them seemed paltry
now that they would have to live off of it.
Halfway into town, one of their former teachers had seen them. Concerned, Mrs.
Hanscum had pulled over. She took one look at their suitcases and insisted on
giving them a ride wherever they needed to go. As she took them to the bank and
then the train station, not once did she ask what had happened or pressure them
to go back home to work things out. There was something in her tone that made
it clear she was there to listen if they wanted to, but also that she trusted
their judgement as young adults if they didn’t want to.
They bought tickets for the first train leaving the state. South Carolina it
was.
All the plans they’d had for their future were gone. There was no real plan on
where to go from there. The two of them made it up as they went along. For
years it was a struggle of figuring out how to survive.
Without their parents covering their tuition, they obviously couldn’t go to the
school they’d planned. They got retail jobs as soon as they could and worked
grueling hours just to afford rent and attending the community college a few
blocks away from their shitty apartment. Castiel had always dreamed of being a
linguist or a translator, but the school didn’t offer anything even remotely
close to that. Instead he resigned himself to accounting. He was good at it and
it would guarantee him a job later on, and they really needed a way to support
themselves.
Jimmy had always planned on doing art, and he took every art class he could fit
in. By the time graduation rolled around a few years later, money was so tight
he took the first job he was offered. He’d hoped to turn the boring job working
at a greeting card company into something more creative. Every day Castiel
would come home from his awful job to find Jimmy making dinner and a new
handmade card on the table for him.
Thanks for being the best boyfriend/brother a guy could ask for <3 P.S. I’d
really appreciate it if you’d blow me after dinner ;)
Thanks for working a boring job just to put food on the table - ily
Thanks for being you - You’re like a smarter, nicer, but admittedly less hot
version of me =P
Castiel kept them all in a box under his side of the bed, occasionally going
through them whenever he needed a pick me up. No matter how bad things got,
he’d always have Jimmy.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Summary
     Jimmy and Dean have problems
 Jimmy comes back to Dean’s place one night looking absolutely  wrecked . His
eyes are stormy, his hair a mess, and there’s something about the way he moves
that puts Dean on edge. Without more than a grunt Dean’s way, Jimmy heads to
the bathroom and locks himself in for an unreasonably long shower before going
straight to bed after.
Dean’s had plenty of shitty days in his life, so he doesn’t push Jimmy to talk
about it. He crawls into bed behind Jimmy and holds him while he sniffles but
doesn’t cry. Fragmented dreams full of concern melt into pleasure until he
wakes up in the middle of the night being stroked to full hardness. Groggy and
confused, he doesn’t piece together what’s happening until Jimmy’s coating him
in lube and straddling his waist.
“Do you love me, Dean?” Jimmy rasps out as he sinks down on his cock.
Too asleep to think about the consequences, he answers with a broken, “Yes!”
Jimmy starts riding him, brutally efficient “Say it.” It sounds like a command,
but even in the dim lighting, Dean can see the manic look hiding under the
surface. “Tell me.”
“I love you, Jimmy.” He’s rewarded by an increased pace and the sight of Jimmy
taking his own cock in hand. “I love you I love you I love you-” Dean chants it
again and again until Jimmy bends over to kiss the words away. The sparks fly
through him like a punch to the gut, and he finds himself moaning in pure
bliss. This is everything he’s ever wanted but long gave up hoping for.
They taste each other, move together, until Jimmy sighs in relief and comes all
over them. He keeps fucking himself onto Dean, working him to orgasm, barely
even slowing down through his own. Dipping a hand between them, Jimmy runs his
fingers through his come, teasing along Dean’s lips until Dean opens up and
sucks his fingers clean. The combination of Jimmy clenching around him and his
come-soaked fingers in his mouth has Dean arching as he spills into him.
Dean’s completely spent. Physically exhausted, he lies there while Jimmy cleans
them up with his shirt before discarding it on the floor. He wraps himself
around Dean, nuzzling into his neck. “You know I love you too, right?” Feather-
light kisses tease along his jawline and an equally light touch tickles the
hairs on his belly. “Like, a lot. A lot a lot.”
“Yeah?” Dean’s heart melts right then and there. Luckily he’s too damn tired to
show how moved he is. Last thing he needs is for Jimmy to start calling him a
sap. “Good to know.” They stay like that, with Dean running his fingers through
Jimmy’s hair while Jimmy hums what sounds suspiciously like Spinal Tap. This
moment right here, it’s perfect. Dean holds onto that feeling for as long as he
can, hoping he’ll be able to fall back asleep with it keeping him warm.
Try as he might, he can’t leave well enough alone.
“Not that I’m complaining, but… what was that about?”
Jimmy hums a few more notes before he sighs. “Sorry… I don’t know what came
over me. I guess I was kinda feeling unloved for a bit. Needed to hear that
someone  actually loves me.”
This seems like an inappropriate thing to ask, the beginnings of an argument or
the fringes of something they shouldn’t be talking about, but the words tumble
out anyway. “Is this about Cas?”
The silence stretches out so long Dean’s not sure he’s going to get an answer
at all. Wondering what  no  answer implies will keep him up all night, so he’s
deeply thankful that Jimmy actually gives him one.
“Yes. I saw him earlier today. No, he didn’t come back home or contact me. I
kind of cornered him after one of his classes. Probably not the best way to
handle things, but it felt like he’d left me no choice.”
Dean takes a second to digest that. It certainly explains Jimmy’s foul mood
when he came home. “He’s still pissed, then?”
“That’s putting it mildly,” Jimmy grumbles. “He’s jealous and feels betrayed
and I can’t exactly argue with him on either point. I know he’s just being a
stubborn dick right now, but it’s  frustrating  that he won’t even  listen . I
told him to  trust  me but… But he’s got his head stuck up his ass and I’m not
getting through to him.”
Jealous and betrayed make sense, but Dean’s not sure he’s getting the whole
story. How would an argument between brothers, even a huge blowout, end with
Dean and Jimmy having sex? He gets wanting to feel loved, but Jimmy’s
conflating the brotherly love he and his twin share with the soulmate bond he
and Dean have. His brain struggles to come up with an adequate explanation, the
barest hint of an idea forming before he snuffs it out. Dean’s not even sure
what  the idea was, but it seemed like a dangerous one to entertain, even for a
second.
“Want me to talk to him?”
“Sweet of you to offer, but that’s probably not a good idea right now. He’s
pretty pissed at both of us, and you probably don’t know just how scary an
angry Castiel can be.”
Dean’s mind flashes back to Germany, to the times when Castiel would be
particularly demanding. Every word he uttered was a command, one he expected to
be followed and that brokered no room for argument. Dean had been so caught up
in it, he’d willingly done everything Cas told him to. If he’s intimidated by
Cas when he’s  horny , Dean doesn’t stand a chance standing up to him when he’s
angry.
“I can imagine.” Thankfully he’s not able to get hard yet, or the mental image
might’ve tipped off Jimmy that Dean’s not necessarily over Cas. He’d never do
anything with him now. Jimmy’s his soulmate, for fuck’s sake, he doesn’t want
to jeopardize that, but Dean can’t help but miss the other Novak twin. He
figured there’d be some sort of awkward phase where they transitioned from
being fuck buddies to just friends, but Cas hasn’t been  around  and his brain
tends to get stuck on the “fuck buddies” setting more often than it should.
“What are you thinking about?”
Dean tenses and scrambles to grab a hold of  any  other topic so the words  Cas
and  fuck  don’t come out in the same sentence.
“Dean, stop. You’re trying too hard to think of an excuse. You can just tell
me. Unless you were thinking of murdering the pope or something, I doubt I’ll
be as shocked as you think I’ll be.”
It’d be easy to use that pope line as a joke and steer things off topic (he
knows all too well Jimmy’d be happy brainstorming situations that would
necessitate killing the pope), but this is Jimmy asking. His soulmate. The guy
being brutally honest about how he misses his brother but is willing to stand
by Dean even if it means alienating his twin. He deserves for the honesty to go
both ways.
“I was thinking about Cas.” He swallows the lump in his throat. “I guess… I
mean, you know I was into him beyond the sex. And I’m kinda trying to… not be
anymore? My dick’s a little slow on getting the message, is all.” It’s a weight
lifted from his chest to admit out loud that he still wants Cas.
“You ever think about Cas while we’re having sex?”
“What?  No !”
“You ever think about me when you and Cas were having sex?”
“Fuck, Jimmy,  no . Not gonna lie, may have thought about you once or twice
when I was jerkin’ off, but… It’s not like I think you guys are
interchangeable.” God does he know they aren’t.
“I wasn’t implying you do.” Jimmy stretches, joints popping, and then rolls so
he’s on top of Dean. Dean spreads his legs to accommodate him, and Jimmy
crosses his arms over Dean’s chest, resting his head there. Jimmy’s a
comfortable weight on him, but the piercing blue gaze that’s now directed at
him makes Dean want to turn away. It takes a lot of willpower to keep from
averting his eyes. “You don’t have to, you know. You don’t have to shut off or
ignore what you felt for him just because you and I are together. I’m not the
jealous type.”
“Jimmy—”
“You said you were worried you were going to fall in love with him.”
That shuts Dean right the hell up. He’d been a few beers in when he said that,
and he’d hoped Jimmy’d forgotten.
“I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable or attack you,” Jimmy soothes,
patting Dean’s sides.  “Cas is a pretty loveable guy, I get it. I want you to
know that I understand that feelings like that don’t just disappear overnight.
If you’ve still got feelings for him, that’s completely understandable. It
might complicate things a little, but I’m not upset by it.”
Is Jimmy  encouraging  me to have these feelings?
No, you’re reading too much into it. He’s trying to make you feel better about
perving on his brother.
“ So what —  if I happened happened to run into Cas and banged him right then
and there, you're saying you'd be fine with that?”
Jimmy gives a one-shouldered shrug. “I'd prefer a heads up first, but yeah I
think in general I'd be fine with it. I mean, don't fuck him on a street corner
or something. I don't want to have to bail you two out of jail for public
indecency.”
“Public indecency's the problem you have with this?” Dean gripes.
Dean's baffled. Is Jimmy testing him? This feels like a test. Put him and Cas
in the same room right now (or ever, really), and he’s pretty sure he’s going
to fail it.
“Dean... I care about you. And I care about Cas. Together you're the two most
important people in my life. If you two occasionally fucking helps make that
happen, I can be accommodating.”
“Are you secretly into some weird kinky shit you haven't brought up yet? You
wanna watch me fuck someone else?” Again, it’s easier to deflect than admit he
wouldn’t be opposed to it. He  shouldn’t  want that. He already has Jimmy, and
Jimmy’s fucking amazing. What kind of fucked up asshole would have a soulmate
and still long for more?
Jimmy's eyes light up. “Have you seen you? Fuck yes I'd want to see that, and
if you're open to it, that might warrant a longer conversation at some point. I
mean, at the very least I’ve got a video camera we could set up. That would be
so fucking hot. And I’ve always wanted to try my hand at working in porn, this
might be just the break I’ve been looking for — ”
Dean swats him while stifling a laugh. “I love you, you know that?” And Dean
really likes being able to say it. “You’re too good for me.”
Jimmy pushes up onto his arms, leaning down to kiss Dean nice and slow. The
electricity buzzing in his ears is as comforting as the gentle press of lips.
When they break apart, Jimmy winks at him. “I think I’m exactly as good as you
deserve.”
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Their little heart to heart should make them closer, and it does for a couple
days or so. They live in their little bubble of happy domesticity, relatively
free of the insecurities that have plagued him for years. Because Jimmy’s
awesome and they’re happy and Dean tricks himself into believing they can do
this.  He  can do this.
Then it starts to fall apart.
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Dean wakes up alone for the first time in weeks, and a knot forms in the pit of
his stomach. He tries to ignore it as he gets up and gets ready for work, but
it’s there and he can’t quite shake the feeling that something’s terribly
wrong. When he finally walks out to the living room, he sees why.
There’s a card on the coffee table. That shouldn’t mean anything. Jimmy leaves
him cards all the time. Compliments, dirty limericks, requests for sexual
favors (or promises to give them), those are things he’s slowly starting to
expect. It’s nice, feeling loved. But there’s something distinctly ominous
about this one.
The front shows a cartoon of Dean and Jimmy holding hands and rubbing their
noses together. It’s cute, but that only serves to make Dean more alert as he
flips it open.
Dean,
I need some time to take care of things,
and I need some time and space to do it.
Please trust that I’m coming back.
I promise it’ll make sense later.
  I love you and I’ll miss you.
- Jimmy xoxoxo
Trust that he’s coming back? What the fuck does that mean? Dean rereads the
card at least a dozen times, flipping it over and trying to find the hidden
meaning  somewhere , but there’s nothing else. It sticks with him all day at
work and at his study group, when he stops to get dinner with Benny, and
definitely when he gets back to his place that evening.
Everything’s the same. Jimmy hasn’t stopped by, isn’t there waiting for him. No
text messages to say that he’s late or won’t be over that night. Nothing. Dean
tries not to let it bother him, but of course it does. All he can think about
is how empty his bed seems with just him in it.
Please trust that I’m coming back.
The next day is more of the same. No big deal, though, right? Dean’s a big boy,
he can handle a few days without his boyfriend. The third day’s a lot harder to
deal with, because Jimmy still hasn’t sent word on what’s going on. Dean gives
in and shoots him a quick message to see if he’s alright, but hours pass
without a response, and then it’s a terse  i’m fine hope you had a good day .
He’s so thrown off that he doesn’t try contacting Jimmy again for a few days,
and once again he basically gets the same answer:  doing good hope you’re
having a good week.  No jokes, no random emojis, no terms of endearment. What
the fuck.
I’m coming back.
He hasn’t seen or even heard from Jimmy in eight days, so he decides to call.
Three attempts and all he gets is voicemail. He tries stopping by Jimmy’s
apartment, but his neighbors claim they haven’t seen him in weeks.  Weeks .
That means he was basically living at Dean’s place with him, which Dean had
suspected but didn’t want to be true right now.
Dean W (11:18 pm): where are you man i’m starting to get worried here
At this point, he wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t get an answer at all. He
turns off his phone before bed, not wanting the temptation of checking keeping
him up all night. In the morning, there are actually some messages waiting for
him, and Dean has to force himself to calm the fuck down so he won’t drop the
phone as he unlocks it.
Jimmy N (12:32 am) : sorry, outta town for the foreseeable future
Jimmy N (12:33 am): i know this is hard but i’m coming back
Jimmy N (12:34 am): gotta take care of some things and it’s taking longer than
i thought
Jimmy N (12:36 am): read the card <3
It’s more than he’s gotten in forever, yet Dean gets the impression it’s all
he’s going to get. Did they break up without him knowing it? Are they on a
break? Was he smothering Jimmy so badly the guy had to ditch him?
I love you and I’ll miss you.
By the end of the second week, Dean doesn’t believe any of it anymore. How does
someone who loves you leave you? Soon his mind is turning it around. Jimmy’s
not the broken one who’s chased away every boyfriend or girlfriend he’s ever
had. That’s Dean, so Dean must be the problem here. He fucked up and Jimmy’s
not sure how to tell him. The end’s coming though, it must be. Maybe it already
happened and Dean’s too fucking stupid to take the hint.
What the fuck is wrong with him, anyway? Is Dean so damaged he can’t even make
his own soulmate happy?
Yes,  he tells himself as he heads to the liquor store for the third
consecutive night.  Yes he is.
Dean falls back into his old habits of drinking his problems away, and he falls
back on them hard. He’s never been good at talking about this shit, and he’s
not exactly tempted to do it now. Relationship talk with Sam and Charlie’s
always been those two being overly sympathetic, which just makes him feel
pathetic. Bad enough when they were people with soulmates comforting him on not
having one, he doesn’t think he can take it hearing people who actually  make
their soulmate happy  try to console him about his inability to do anything of
the sort.
He could talk to Benny, Jo, or Garth, but that’s not any better. Sure they’d
listen and be encouraging, but it wouldn’t help. Garth’s too damn chipper all
the time, and Dean can’t handle that kind of endless positivity right now. Jo
would tell him to man up and Benny… Benny would pour him another glass of
whiskey and help him drink the pain away. The bartender does that just fine,
thank you very much, and without the worried glances and constant texts asking
him if he’s okay after.
After drinking himself to sleep alone starts to get boring, Dean thinks he
knows the only other person out there who might have an idea of what he’s going
through.
Dean W (8:01 pm): come out 4 drinks
Dean W (8:03 pm): i’m already like three shots of tequila in u should come help
me make it an even 10
He doesn’t get a response for a while. Long enough for him to finish off the
bottle he’s been working through since Sunday. His vision swims in and out of
focus, but eventually he’s able to make out the words.
Cas N (8:17 pm): Don’t you have a boyfriend who can drink with you?
Dean W (8:19 pm): u actually answered me
Dean W (8:20 pm): it’s been weeeeeks and NOW you answer me
Dean W (8:25 pm): come drink w me
Cas N (8:27 pm): Where’s Jimmy?
Dean W (8:29 pm): fuk if i kno
Dean W (8:30 pm): disappeared like three weeks ago
Dean W (8:33 pm): you novaks got a habit of disappearing
Dean W (8:34 pm): your both kinda dicks like that i guess
Maybe that was the wrong thing to say, because Cas doesn’t get back to him
right away. Resigned to spend another night alone, Dean almost doesn’t notice
when his phone buzzes again.
Cas N (8:29 pm): Meet me at The Front Door in twenty minutes. First round’s on
me.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean and Cas meet up
 Castiel’s gotten the chance to see Dean Winchester in a lot of situations:
studiously taking notes; engrossed in a movie or TV show; giggling as he tries
not to laugh at his own jokes; cheeks flushed from alcohol; adorably flustered
when he’s been paid a compliment; head thrown back in bliss as Cas rides him
through his orgasm; snoring lightly in his sleep. The point is, Castiel’s seen
a lot of different sides of Dean. When he walks into the bar, the last one he
expects to see is Dean slumped over looking absolutely wretched.
He almost walks out right then and there. He’s not here to comfort his
brother’s boyfriend (ex? this looks like post break-up misery). The very idea
is absurd.
Castiel had come here with the hope of getting revenge on Dean for fucking up
the perfectly good thing Cas and Jimmy had going. Now, taking in Dean’s
exhausted form and the way he clings to his bottle of beer, his plans shift.
He’ll comfort Dean, get his mind off this fucked up situation… and if he
happens to get some revenge on Jimmy for making him and Dean both feel like
unwanted losers, well, all the better.
“This seat taken?”
Dean jumps and nearly knocks over his beer, but he recovers quickly. Pulling
out the stool next to him, he waves the bartender over and orders them each a
shot and a beer. Once their drinks are settled in front of them, Dean cradles
his whiskey and eyes Castiel.
“Didn't think you'd actually show.”
The jab stings, despite everything. It shouldn't—Dean's absolutely right that
Castiel's been a terrible friend to the other man lately—but it does. He's let
Dean down, which meant nothing to him an hour ago yet now that they're face to
face, all he can remember is his affection for him and none of the anger he's
harbored the past few months.
“You're only saying that because I've been a complete asshole.” He tries for a
half smile, but it feels too forced so he drops it. “I'm sorry. We strictly
drinking buddies tonight, or are we here to shit on Jimmy? Because I'm up for
either, but it's your party so you make the call.”
“Great,” Dean snorts. “Pity party for two.”
The silence between them as they finish their whiskey isn't as uncomfortable as
Castiel would've thought. That's not to say it's at all comfortable, but it's
familiar and Cas is pretty sure once they get a few things of their chests
it'll be like they'd never been apart.
Except, you know, how Dean's unwittingly responsible for breaking his heart.
Well that's progress. At least you're admitting he didn't cause this shit on
purpose.
Of course he didn't. He couldn't have known.
That's all Jimmy's fault.
“I left because I was jealous,” he blurts out. After a moment of shared shock,
Cas decides to go with it. After a quick gulp of his beer for liquid courage,
he continues. “I'm not mad at  you . Okay, that's not true, I was  very  mad at
you, but it wasn't actually your fault. You and I were just fucking, not like I
had any claim to you.”
And my claim to Jimmy isn't one you could've known. Still don't, if I had to
guess.
“Jimmy's the one who fucked up. He should've known I'd be upset. I mean, if
he'd at least  asked  first…” He’s not sure how to finish that thought. If
Jimmy had asked to fuck Dean, Castiel would've reluctantly stepped aside and
let him go for it. Being involved with both twins would have only brought the
inevitable end of the affair sooner.
But as soon as they kissed and told him about the sparks, nothing after that
would be any different. Castiel would've left and struggled with the same anger
and hurt as he dealt with the internal crisis of his soulmate wanting to be
with someone else. At least as things stand, Castiel has the appearance of an
excuse to an outsider who has  no idea  what he's stepped into.
“Sorry, Cas.” Dean’s pitiful apology is agonizing. Tears threaten to spill as
he sniffles into his beer glass. “Sometimes I wish I could take it all back,
cuz this  sucks  and… and…”
Fucking Dean Winchester, who stole Jimmy away. Who’s making Castiel's heart
ache because  his  heart aches.
“Hey.” Cas’ hand comes up to cradle Dean's cheek and wipe away an errant tear.
It feels too intimate, so he retracts his hand. “What happened? Where's Jimmy?
Why'd he walk out on you?”
How could he leave you and not come back to me? Where the hell  is he?
“Dunno.” Dean sniffles again, rubbing his face in the crook of his elbow to
wipe away the dampness around his eyes. “Things were going okay. He was mopey
sometimes, cuz of the whole…” Dean had the good grace not to specify  what ,
but Castiel flinches all the same to hear how much he'd hurt his brother, no
matter how much he might've deserved it. “But mostly things were good. Then he
grew more distant. Always on the computer looking all serious and… I dunno what
happened. I woke up one morning and he was gone. Left a card with all this
bullshit about how he loves me and he'd be back and to trust him.” By now,
Dean's words have turned bitter and he grits his teeth as the last of it spills
out. “That was  weeks  ago. All I know is he left town, left  me,  and I hate
it.”
Castiel's in awe of how much Dean's opened up to him, and he only regrets he
can't do the same. Dean’s vulnerability and honesty deserves the same in kind,
but there's no way Castiel can reciprocate. Instead, he focuses on what Dean's
said.
(And completely ignores  why  he feels so compelled to make Dean feel better.)
It doesn't sound like Jimmy to leave liked this. Sure, if they'd broken up he
might cut and run, but Jimmy told Dean he'd come back. Told Dean he  loves  him
for fuck's sake. It stings almost more than Cas can bear to hear Dean repeat
Jimmy's words of love, knowing they’re true, but missing when those words were
meant for him alone. But his own pain is beside the point. Jimmy told Dean he
loved him and then  abandoned  him. That's fucked up.
“Jimmy's a dick.” Dean blushes and turns away, but Cas reaches over to tug at
his sleeve. “Hey, I'm serious. Jimmy's a complete dick if he left without
talking to you.”
Dean laughs humorlessly. “We shouldn't be doing this, man. He's your brother,
he's my soulmate… We shouldn't be talking about him like this.”
“False. As his brother and soulmate, we have every right to talk shit about him
and commiserate in our shared woes caused by him. Besides,” he winks at Dean,
“you should hear all the dirt I've got on him. It might make you feel better to
hear how he threw up on stage during our first grade choir recital because he
ate five churros beforehand. First kid ever to get banned from choir.”
Hearing Dean's laugh—a real one this time, not the fake one from before but
this melodious thing that lit up Dean's whole countenance—made Cas’ stomach do
strange somersaults. He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed hearing it, how at ease
he was in Dean’s company. For the next hour or so, he made it his mission to
pull that wonderful sound from Dean’s beautiful lips over and over again.
Castiel tells him stories of their childhood. All the good stuff, none of the
messy parts that came from being together. Well, some bad stuff, but only the
embarrassing bad stuff. Nothing beyond the realm of what brothers usually
overshared. He lets Dean take over the whining after that, offering a friendly
ear about how awful a roommate Jimmy can be.
“He leaves his towels on the floor in the middle of the friggin bathroom! He
leaves the  milk  out on the counter, and don’t even get me started on the fact
that he drinks 1%. That’s not even milk! That’s just funny tasting water! I’ve
also never heard someone snore so damn loudly and he hogs all the blankets.”
He quickly sips his beer to keep from commenting on that last part.
Once the complaints die out, so does the conversation. Castiel can see the
loneliness and pain making its way back onto Dean’s face, and he struggles to
find something to say and take it away. Floundering to find something— anything
—to get them talking again, he settles on a question he’s been wondering for
months now.
“Can I ask you something?” The other man shrugs, which Castiel assumes is as
close to a yes as he’s going to get right now. “Why didn’t you want us to
kiss?”
Dean snorts. “Fuck, man. You got all serious there, I thought you were gonna
ask a hard question. That’s a real easy one, though.” Shaking his head, he
heaves a deep sigh. “I didn’t wanna kiss you cuz everything always go to shit
after I kiss someone and they're not my soulmate. No one’s ever been willing to
settle for me over the possibility of a soulmate, and I figured if I could put
off you finding out, then maybe it’d last longer.” Then darkly, he adds, “Turns
out it wasn't the soulmate thing after all… it was just me.”
If it were in his power, Castiel would hunt down every last person who ever
made Dean feel like less than he is, Jimmy included. Hell,  especially  his
brother, because if he and Dean hadn’t kissed in the first place, Castiel
could’ve spent  years  making Dean feel worthy—
Until what? Until they kissed and Dean’s anxiety tore them apart? Until Castiel
ended things when he felt he’d taken them too far, knowing he’d never be able
to commit to Dean more than sex? It’d probably end with this same conversation
at some other bar, but instead of Castiel here to comfort Dean, Jimmy’d be
doing it.
What a fucking mess.
“So why'd you kiss Jimmy then?”
“I didn't. He kissed me.”
Castiel wants to bang his head against the bar because of fucking  course
Jimmy initiated things. His idiot brother was always so damn impulsive at the
worst possible times. All this time, he's wanted to blame Dean because it was
easy and convenient. Dean swooped in, made Castiel care about him, then stole
his soulmate. It’s so easy to write him as the bad guy… Dean’s looking at him
with pleading eyes, asking for forgiveness and understanding and to make the
bad feelings go away, and Castiel’s will to keep casting Dean in a bad light
dies. Maybe there’s no bad guy here. If there is, it certainly isn’t Dean.
Jimmy’s not looking so hot right now, though.
Nudging Dean’s drink closer to him. Cas waits until Dean’s started drinking to
ask, “Wanna go back to my place and have drunk sex?”
He’d hoped Dean would choke on his drink, but he pointedly keeps eye contact
with Cas as he finishes the last few drops. “So lemme get this straight,” he
says while licking his lips. “You’re suggesting we have drunk sex so that…
what? I can get back at Jimmy for leaving? And you can get back at Jimmy for
kissing me in the first place?”
“Well when you put it like that—”
Dean waves off his protests. “I’m in, but I’m gonna need at least another shot
before I’m drunk enough to ignore that this is a bad idea.”
“In that case…” Castiel slides his half-finished beer and starts signaling the
bartender for another round of drinks. Ten minutes later, Dean’s closing out
their tab and Cas is trying to remember how to call for an Uber. Once he gets
that squared away, something decidedly petulant rises up inside him, and he
opens up a new chat with Jimmy.
Castiel N (11:40 pm): I'm about to bang your boy on our bed.
Castiel N (11:42 pm): Funny how that works out - you ditch your soulmate, and
he comes running to me for a sympathy fuck.
Castiel N (11:44 pm): You should be here taking better care of him.
Castiel N (11:45 pm): Guess I'll have to do it for you.
Pocketing his phone, Cas can’t help but smile the whole ride back.
        [https://68.media.tumblr.com/98aaf627725ef31b0f0d8794be2725f3/
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Cas hasn’t been back to his apartment since the night he walked in on Jimmy and
Dean on the couch, but it seems fitting to be there now. Besides, he’s got the
feeling Dean wouldn’t want to go back to his place right now, especially if the
two of them had been living together there. Weird as it may be, this place is
neutral ground.
They manage to keep their hands to themselves until Cas drags Dean into the
bedroom. He pushes Dean towards the bed, forcing him to lean down on his arms
while Cas lines up behind him. Draping over Dean, he presses hot kisses down
his neck and tangles his fingers in Dean’s hair.
Fuck he's missed this. Not the sex, though lord knows he's been deprived of
that lately, but the intimacy of being this close to someone else, someone he
admittedly cares about. This is probably a terrible idea for both of them, but
for the next few hours he's going to make Dean feel good.
Reaching around hooking his fingers in Dean's belt loops, he guides Dean's hips
to his. Dean moans as he pushes back into Cas’ erection. “You going to let me
ride you, Dean? You going to let me make you come? You know how good I am, know
how good I can make you feel…”
“Yes yes do it, let's…” He fumbles to get his pants off and Cas helps him
before doing the same. They've done this enough times to know the routine. Dean
strips and centers himself in the middle of the bed while Cas undresses and
grabs some lube. When he turns around, he's in no way prepared for what he
sees.
Dean's hard cock leaks precome onto his belly. His chest heaves with every
breath. He hungrily watches as Cas stalks towards him. All of this Cas has seen
before. But now he's seeing Dean about to come undone in  his  bed, where he
and Jimmy have fucked countless times.
Before he can stop it, an image comes to mind. Jimmy spread open on Dean’s
dick, lying on top of him while Dean nibbles at his ears and works over his
nipples. Cas straddling Jimmy, lowering himself down until Jimmy’s trapped
between him and Dean, between his two soulmates. Every time Cas rises up and
then slides back down, he'd draw such beautiful debauched sounds from both of
them. He'd set the pace, enjoy them writhe beneath him until—
What the  fuck  is he thinking? That's not… that'll never happen. Dean wouldn't
couldn't  want that. No one would accept the twins together like that, right?
Is that what Jimmy wanted? The three of them…?
He bites the inside of his cheek to dispel the confusing thoughts. As arousing
as the prospect is, it would never work out. No one in their right mind would
understand that the twins are together, at least not once the novelty of a
threesome wore off. Better not to let the fantasy take root.
Castiel climbs onto the bed, positioning himself over Dean. Dean’s hands come
up to hold Cas’ hips steady while he opens himself up. He distracts them both
by thrusting their cocks together. It teases more than takes the edge off, but
damn if Dean doesn’t look gorgeous bucking up to meet every thrust. Castiel
barely does an adequate job opening himself up, roughly stretching his hole
because he wants Dean in him  now .
“Missed you,” Cas confesses. It must be the alcohol, because he’s normally not
this sentimental. Their mouths are so close together, breathing in the same air
and they’re staring at each other. Those lips taunt him, begging to be kissed
but still, after everything, he can’t bring himself to break the  one  rule
Dean set.
Even if Dean couldn’t follow it himself.
“Missed you fucking me. Missed riding you. Missed  all  of you.” Dean shivers
but then arches into Cas’ touch as he lines up Dean’s cock with his rim. He
doesn’t let Dean think too hard about what he’s admitting, instead he moves
until he’s fully seated on Dean. Then he’s fucking himself onto Dean at a
brutal pace, wanting to chase away his thoughts as much as he wants to make
them both come.
“Did you fuck him in my bed?” Cas growls out, fisting Dean’s hair and yanking
it to expose the line of his neck.
Dean looks utterly bewildered and shakes his head. “No, why would he—? Never
even fucked here except that first night… Fuck, never even been in  his  room,
never mind yours. I don't—”
“Shhh, it's okay Dean, I believe you.”  So glad I'm the first to fuck you in
this bed, want you to think of me every time you have sex with Jimmy here. Bet
you've thought about me when you two are at your apartment. Want everything you
do together to remind you of me.
Why he was being so possessive of a man he’d casually fucked, Castiel has no
idea, but he very much likes the idea of claiming him. Tainting him so he can't
get hard without imagining burying himself in Cas’ warm heat. Seducing him so
thoroughly he’ll never be able to look into Jimmy’s blue eyes without seeing
Cas staring back at him.
“Cas,” Dean pleads. “Please please gonna come wanna come oh  fuck —” Dean keeps
babbling even as he spills into Cas, and Cas milks him the whole way through
it. Once Dean’s cock stops twitching inside him, Cas stops moving his hips and
starts jerking himself off. He’s almost at the edge when Dean’s hand comes up
to push his aside and take over. Those calloused hands were always too much for
him, and it’s no different now as Cas comes all over Dean’s chest.
They’re drunk and dead tired and it’s too much of a hassle to do more than wipe
the mess of come and lube off on the first piece of clothing they can find
(Cas’ boxers? maybe?). Then Dean’s burying his face in the pillows, letting Cas
collapse on his back and pull the blankets around them.
For once, Cas actually stays with Dean through the night.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Summary
     Dean and Cas reach an understanding
Dean wakes up slowly. There’s something off—these aren’t his sheets, this isn’t
his memory foam, and it’s too cold to be his apartment—but for now those things
don’t quite register because he’s pressed comfortably against a warm body,
breathing evenly. The hard lines of muscle are familiar, though even those
tickle at a memory he’s not able to put together so early.
With no conscious thought, he snuggles closer to the person next to him. They
shift slightly, and there’s an appreciative groan from the other man as his
morning wood comes into contact with Dean’s thigh. The deep timber and chiseled
chest confirm what Dean already suspected. Jimmy’s here, Jimmy’s back, and for
once, Dean’s actually happy to wake up. He wants to chase that feeling. Morning
breath be damned, he wiggles up until he can nose along Jimmy’s cheek and ears,
press gentle kisses to his eyelids before coming down to steal a kiss—
        [https://68.media.tumblr.com/d83ca5455cc0bf49e1884624b81041f4/
                      tumblr_oqf0qkC9CM1uqhw14o6_540.jpg]
Their lips come into contact, and it’s like a live wire’s gone off. The sparks
have faded so much lately that Dean’s left gasping at the intensity of it.
Maybe because they’ve been apart for so long…?
He doesn’t question it, just dives back in and kisses Jimmy again. Jimmy’s
definitely awake now, but his eyes are closed as they fist into Dean’s hair and
roll him on top. Their cocks line up, fully hard and aching, and as they let
themselves fall into feverish kisses, they rut desperately against each other.
It’s so good. Dean’s missed lazy morning sex. He could come like this, nothing
more than the drag of skin together and only their own precome to ease the way.
Especially with the sparks so damn intense, there’s no way he’ll be able to
last more than a couple minutes.
Judging by the way Jimmy’s moaning into every kiss, digging his nails into
Dean’s hips to keep them perfectly lined up, he’s as far gone as Dean. It only
makes Dean’s lips more demanding as they claim Jimmy’s mouth over and over,
determined to bring Jimmy over the edge before him.
“Oh fuck…” the man under him groans after a particularly well-placed thrust.
“Harder Jimmy....”
Wait… what?
Last night’s events come flooding back to him. The bar, the ride home, the sex
—Dean breaks the kiss, taking in the form beneath him. Yeah, that’s definitely
Cas. Cas whose dick is gliding against his and who’s seeking Dean’s lips
blindly. And who fucking called him Jimmy while doing it.
“Cas?” Dean asks weakly. His voice is rough and husky from sleep, and now
there’s a lump of emotion threatening to close it completely.
Instantly, Castiel freezes and his eyes shoot open. He does not at all look
like he was expecting to see Dean hovering over him, and in his shock he jerks
away so hard the two nearly topple off opposite ends of the bed. Dean recovers
faster, a half-formed idea that’s been nagging him for months taking shape in
more detail than before. He snags a sheet off the bed and wraps it haphazardly
around his waist.
“Dean?” Castiel croaks just before Dean storms out of the room. “Dean! What are
you-come back!”
Dean ignores him. He’s getting to the bottom of this shit right now. He goes
past the bathroom door and moves right to the extra bedroom. A quick shake of
the door knob produces a rattle but it doesn’t budge. Dean’s not having it.
Shouldering half his weight into the door, he breaks the jamb and barrels
inside.
“Don’t—!”
There’s nothing that’s going to make him listen to Cas. Not now.
It's a second bedroom alright, but it's made up like an office. Colored paper
and markers clutter a desk by the closet, a few of Jimmy's cards stacked
haphazardly on the edge. A second desk is neatly arranged with textbooks and
notepads. He doesn't need to read them to know they're in Cas’ precise yet
ornate handwriting. A bookshelf is stuffed full of books, pictures, movies, a
whole array of memories crammed into four pitiful shelves buckling under the
weight.
Once Dean takes in what's in the room, his mind tailspins because it starts to
pick up on what isn't there. No chest of drawers. No hamper. No bed or even
couch to sleep on. There's no conceivable way this room functions as a bedroom.
“Did you fuck him in my bed?”
Dean falls to his knees, grip on the sheet loosening as he struggles to draw
air into his lungs.
This is it. There are three doors in the hallway, and now Dean's seen behind
them all. There's no more pretending, no more avoiding the true nature of
Jimmy's encouragement to pursue Castiel. The evidence falls into place, and try
as he might to come up with a different conclusion, the truth is staring him in
the face.
Castiel and Jimmy were (are?) together.
The sheet falls away forgotten as he collapses to his knees, anxiety roiling
through him, choking him, making it so he can’t see or breathe or do anything
other than think about Cas and Jimmy.
“Dean?” There are arms around him. Strong arms, embracing him and rubbing
soothing circles on his bare skin. “Dean, are you okay? Talk to me.”
Cas and Jimmy.
“Is this why he left?” He expected his voice to come out a broken sob, but it
sounds toneless, inflectionless, numb. Which is how he feels. Utterly and
completely numb. One step away from dead inside, but better than the
alternative. Better than shattering completely. “Because he likes you better?”
Cas and Jimmy! This whole fucking time? Did they get together and laugh at how
stupidly naive Dean was? How dumb could he be that he couldn’t tell the twins
were dating? Did they joke about who could get him off faster, compare notes on
his technique?
He knew Jimmy being his soulmate was too good to be true. Fuck, he’d known his
fuck buddy arrangement with Cas was too perfect. The twins were too good for
him. Jimmy left him and was waiting for Dean to get a clue. He wants Cas back,
and Dean doesn’t blame him. If he had to choose between himself and Cas, of
fucking course he’d pick Cas every damn time.
“That why you were so angry, huh?” He’s limp in Cas’ embrace. He wants to bury
his face in Cas’ hair while he’s still allowed to. Wants to lean into Castiel’s
touch and drown in it so he’ll never have to face not having it. Instead, he
hardens his heart and hopes he’ll survive losing both of them. “Not cuz you
were jealous of Jimmy, but because you were pissed I stole your boyfriend?”
“Dean—”
“No, I get it. No one would ever get their panties in a twist over Dean fucking
Winchester. Stupid to think it was because you wanted me… Stupid of me to think
Jimmy wanted me—”
“Dean!” Cas is shaking him. A hand on his chin forces him to meet Castiel’s
eyes. He looks about as lost as Dean, though he’s doing a better job of
handling things so far. At least there are no tears threatening to pour down
his cheeks. “Yes, I was angry you took him from me, but that was before…
before…” His thumb trails up to trace along Dean’s lips. Castiel stares at him
in awe.
“Before what?” Dean croaks.
“Before we kissed… I never thought… It shouldn’t be possible…”  Castiel leans
in and Dean’s drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Their lips brush gently and
sparks shoot through him. They’ve already faded from earlier, but are sharp
enough that Dean inhales in delight. The feeling mirrors what he’s experienced
with Jimmy. There are subtle differences, almost like one twin runs hot while
the other runs cold. With Jimmy the electricity would cascade through him with
each kiss and linger in his toes. With Cas it buzzes back and forth along his
skin, everywhere at once.
Even when they pull apart, he can feel Cas in the goosebumps racing down his
forearms. Dean rests his forehead on Cas’ shoulder and allows a few shuddering
breaths before asking, “Do you love Jimmy?”
“Yes.”
A pitiful whine escapes him before Dean can stop it. “Were… are you together?”
“Yes, we were.” It’s a relief that hear the correction, short-lived though it
is. Just because they’re not a thing right now doesn’t they won’t go back to
it. “Talk to me. What are you thinking?”
“And you guys are always going to choose each other, aren’t you?” Dean wants to
see Cas’ expression as he answers, but he’s terrified to look up. Here, cradled
in the crook of Castiel’s neck, he feels safe. Almost, anyway.
“Dean… I told Jimmy he had to choose between us—hey! Look at me!” Cas waits
until the low whine in Dean’s throat dies out, then forces Dean’s head up so he
has his full attention. “I told him to choose and he wouldn’t . He wants both
of us. He wants you, I promise.”
“Then why isn’t he here?” Because he doesn’t want me. Changed his mind.
“I-I don’t know,” Cas admits. “I haven’t seen him since I gave him that
ultimatum. If I’d known… Well, I’m an asshole, so I probably wouldn’t have done
anything differently, but… Please stop crying.”
Dean blinks, suddenly aware of the dampness weighing down his lashes. Then Cas
is there, kissing away the tears. Overcome by a sudden wave of longing, Dean
tilts his head so their lips meet. He remembers when he first kissed Jimmy, and
how it opened the floodgates to all the longing he’d felt for him since they’d
met. All the feelings he’d ignored for a million and one reasons. And now it’s
the same with Cas: he’s overcome by every worry that he’d fall in love with Cas
because of how amazing Cas is, how much Dean enjoys simply being near him.
Jimmy and Cas are everything he’s ever wanted. Jimmy was his soulmate though,
so it was like the decision was made for him. Now the same damn bond that tied
him to one twin is here tethering him to another.
With monumental effort, Dean ends the kiss. “I don’t deserve to have either of
you. How the fuck am I supposed to choose between both of you?”
Castiel shakes his head as if to dismiss the question. “But… you’d be okay with
having both of us? It doesn’t… bother you that… that Jimmy and I…?”
“Fuck?” Yes, but not because you’re twins. Why the hell am I even worried about
having to choose between you two? If you have each other, have had each other
for years, how the hell can I compete with that?
I can’t.
“We’re soulmates.”
If Dean weren’t already reeling, he’s pretty sure hearing those words come out
of Cas’ mouth paired with the earnest way he says them, would’ve felt like a
blow to the gut. As things stand, he simply can’t understand them at all.
“No.” Voice hoarse, he swallows and tries again. “No, you can’t be. I’m Jimmy’s
soulmate. I’m… I’m friggin your soulmate. You can’t be… each other’s?”
There’s no lie in Castiel’s face. Grim resignation, maybe, but nothing to
suggest he doesn’t mean exactly what he says. “C’mon.” His joints pop as he
stands up, offering a hand to help Dean. “We should talk, but not in here.
Let’s grab something to eat.”
While Cas grabs them each a bathrobe, Dean slips into the bathroom and rinses
off his face. The cool water calms him, brings mild relief to his feverish
skin. He avoids looking as reflection, all too aware that he’s a complete mess.
Tears and snot and probably a shellshocked look to his eyes. He sighs wearily,
putting on the robe Cas has left for him and wandering out to the kitchen.
No one’s been living here for a while, so Castiel has to pick through the
pantry to find something even remotely edible. He ends up with Pop Tarts,
coffee, and a questionable-looking box of crackers that while technically still
edible are stale as shit. If Dean could actually eat right now, it might make
him queasy. He does, however, accept a cup of coffee.
The mug’s oversized and bright red. Dean inspects it quickly, mostly because it
allows him to postpone this conversation for a few more seconds. On one side,
there’s a sketch done in what looks like Sharpie, Jimmy’s distinctive style
visible in each stroke. The cartoon figure could be either of the twins,
realistically, but the sour face and words I’m grumpy in the mornings make it
clear it’s supposed to be Castiel. It’s cute, but it doesn’t seems out of place
in the polished dining room.
That’s Jimmy for you, though.
“If you don’t mind…” Castiel interrupts as he takes a seat, clutching his own
cup of coffee to his chest like it’ll ward off the bad parts of what’s to come.
“I should probably start at the beginning.”
Dean shrugs, trying to make it seem like he doesn’t care even though he is
deeply invested in what he’s about to hear, whatever it might be. The solemn
way Cas tells his story tells him Cas doesn’t buy his act for a second.
“When we were sixteen, Jimmy was dating this girl…”
The smell of coffee helps ground Dean, and sliding the mug across the table is
the exact distraction he needs right now. It gives him something to do with his
hands, something to look at and focus on when listening to Castiel becomes too
much.
Cas tells him everything, from their first kiss up until Cas’ ultimatum a few
weeks ago. Throughout it, Dean tries to remain impassive, but it’s hard not to
react. He wants to beat the shit out of their asshole father and tell their
mother off for letting her husband force the twins out of their life. He wants
to comfort Jimmy and Cas as they struggled to make it through the first few
years. But most of all, he wants time alone to go back through every
interaction he’s had with the twins, analyze it in light of this new
information. When Jimmy told Dean about Cas’ dating history, it hadn’t felt
like half of a story. Now that he’s got the missing pieces, it seems obvious
the first rendition was horribly incomplete.
All along he’d thought he’d understood them, knew them, but turns out he’d
barely known them at all.
“Dean?”
His eyes snap up and he realizes he’s been staring into his cold, untouched cup
of coffee. Cas stopped talking a few minutes ago, and Dean needed the time to
process. He’s nowhere near done, but he doesn’t begrudge Castiel needing some
sort of reaction.
“So you and Jimmy, huh?”
Castiel demurely raises an eyebrow, as if questioning whether that’s all Dean’s
gotten out of the past hour, but nods. “Yes. Me and Jimmy.” His face contorts
grimly as he adds, “And you and Jimmy. And me and you.”
“That doesn’t even make sense!” Dean objects, but Castiel offers no
counterargument.
“No, it does not.”
“No one has two soulmates!”
“I know.”
“But all three of us, all of us together?”
“It shouldn’t be possible.”
“It isn’t possible!” Dean snaps, slamming a fist on the table. He doesn’t know
why he’s so damn angry or why he feels the need to take it out on Cas, but he
can’t help it. The last twenty-four hours, no the last year has been too much
for him. Ever since he walked into that classroom and sat down next to Cas, his
life has taken one sharp turn and then another. He went from absolutely
believing he had no soulmate to having two forced on him. If anyone was ever
set up to fail, it was Dean. “I can’t do this, man, I’m not… I can’t.”
“I’ll admit this isn’t… ideal,” Castiel says carefully. If he’s at all affected
by Dean’s outburst, he hides it well. “We need to figure out what we plan to do
about… the three of us.”
“No, Cas, I don’t think you understand-I-Look, I’m not supposed to have a
soulmate, and it’s some fucked up twist of fate that landed me with two. I suck
at relationships with one person, so don’t get it in your head I can handle
two. This is doomed from the start. I already scared off Jimmy, and that was
like a month into it. You’re still around right now, but you’ll be screaming
for Jimmy soon enough.”
Silence settles over them as Dean waits for Cas to say something and while Cas…
well, he has no idea what’s keeping Cas quiet right now, but it’s unnerving.
Those blue eyes are fixed solely on him, almost like he can see straight
through to Dean’s soul. Dean’s pretty sure no one would like what they saw
there.
Forget lasting a month with Cas, he already wants out of here.
“Is that what you think?” Castiel asks. “You’re fine with me and Jimmy being
together, you’d be fine with being with both of us, but you’re hung up on the
fact that you don’t think you’re good enough?”
“I wasn’t good enough for you to want to date,” Dean points out.
“If I hadn’t already been in a relationship at the time, I might have.”
“Great. Might have. Even in a hypothetical situation, you can’t pretend you’d
want to deal with me for more than a quick fuck—”
“I can’t claim that I know what I’d do in different circumstances. I’ve only
ever truly been in one relationship, and I’ve been in it more than half my
life. It never occurred to me to consider you or anyone else as a potential
partner. It’s only ever been sex.”
“So again, you’re basically confirming what I just said—”
“Dean !” Castiel looks like he’s about to slam his fist on the table to shut
him up. His anger is as terrifying as it is beautiful, and it does the trick.
“Do not presume to put words in my mouth. You know me well enough to know I’m
perfectly capable of speaking my mind.” Dean wilts a little under Cas’ intense
glare. He’s right, of course, but saying the words for Castiel hurts a hell of
a lot less than hearing them. “You ready to listen?”
No.
“Go for it.”
Put me out of my misery.
Castiel’s furrowed brow betrays his skepticism, but he sighs and continues. “As
I said, I never considered dating you. I’ve always been attracted to you. I
still want you in my bed, still want your cock in me, still want to watch you
come apart. Even when you stole Jimmy from me, no matter how pissed off I was,
I still wanted you. It was sex, though. Pure sex.” Dean knew as much, but he
winces anyway. Castiel presses on, apparently not done breaking Dean’s heart.
“At least… it was easier to think of it that way. Because if I admitted it was
more than sex, then eventually I’d have to pin down what it was.
“Sex is easy. I’ve had lovers in the past, ones I kept at arm’s length to
ensure there were no unnecessary attachments. Attachments make things messy.
With you, though… It was never truly ‘just sex.’ I liked you . I liked spending
time with you, more than can be attributed to being ‘friends with benefits.’
More than I can really say was friendship, either. But I didn’t allow myself to
wonder why. All I let myself admit was that I liked you better than the rest.
Better than Balthazar or Crowley or April or even Meg…” Castiel visibly
collects himself. He lowers his voice considerably before adding, “I liked you
better than everyone but Jimmy. And there were days, moments when I thought…”
They may as well be kissing for the way his body tingles with desire right now.
Cas, in some small way, wants Dean the same way he wants Jimmy.
“What about you?” The fake nonchalance as Castiel asks it erases the pleasant
adrenaline high Dean’d been riding. “Have you ever thought about me in any
capacity beyond what we’ve done together. Beyond friendship and casual sex?”
“C’mon man…” he hedges, averting his gaze to the table runner. “I… I knew from
pretty much the moment I met you, you were exactly the type of guy I’d fall
for. You and Jimmy both.”
Castiel mulls over Dean’s confession for a moment before rapping his knuckles
against the table. “I’m taking you on a date.”
Dean stares at him blankly until Castiel huffs impatiently. “What, you mean
now?”
“You got other plans for today?” Castiel quips as he gets up from the table,
taking both mugs with him to put them in the sink. “If you want to eat, it’s
not like we can stay here anyway. Not unless you want moldy bread and expired
milk.” Cas rinses off his hands, cocking an eyebrow at Dean. “So would you like
to go on a date with me?”
“Uhhh… yeah, sure, okay. Let’s do it.”
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Summary
     Jimmy's back
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
 The waiter takes their menus and disappears to get their drinks. Alone again,
all Dean can do is fidget in his borrowed clothes. The sleeves of the henley
are a little too loose (apparently the twins’ arms are jacked, which shouldn’t
be surprising considering how often Dean’s been held down by those arms) and
none of their pants fit quite right. Cas’ ass and thighs are huge , and Jimmy
has less of an ass than Dean does, so no matter what he was stuck feeling like
a clown. He’d settled for Cas’ skinniest pair of jeans, and still he needed the
belt to keep them up. At least he’s in his own damn shoes.
“Relax,” Castiel tells him for the hundredth time. “You’re tense and it’s
making me tense.”
“Sorry.” He closes his eyes and concentrates on relaxing all the clusters of
tension throughout his body. This really shouldn’t be so damn hard. He’s been
out with Cas loads of times. He knows they get along, knows they’ve got great
chemistry, knows Cas is a sure thing. But all those times they’ve been to bars
or restaurants or movies together, it’d never been a date. Those four letters
were freaking him the fuck out.
“Calm down, Schatz. You’re thinking too hard.”
Dean startles slightly at the German, but then shivers. Cas’ low voice was made
for the German language, and no matter how strange it was to hear his Bayern
accent the first few times, it’s come to sound like pure sex to him. Now his
fidgeting has nothing to do with the clothes and everything to do with his
growing erection.
Castiel’s reaches a hand across the table, palm up. Without a second thought,
Dean accepts it and lace their fingers together. It feels just like Jimmy’s
hand, but less calloused. Stop thinking about Jimmy, he scolds himself. You’re
on a date with Cas. Think about Cas.
“You’re too tense.” Cas squeezes his hand. “It’s just you and me. It’s been
just you and me plenty of times before. Stop thinking the worst. Better yet,
stop thinking at all.”
“Easier said than done,” he grumbles. Even so, a smile pulls at the corner of
his mouth. It takes considerable effort on his part, but he manages to force
away his misgivings and worries about the twins. With those thoughts lockedaway
in the back of his mind, he’s actually able to have a good time with Cas. They
get over the initial awkwardness and slip right back into how things were. Cas
complains about work and Dean fills him in on his semester. It’s like friends
catching up, but there’s a definite undercurrent of more more more, too.
For so long Dean denied himself the free rein to imagine a life with Cas, and
now the picture’s before him in full technicolor and surround sound and fuck if
he doesn’t want it. He indulges in the fantasy all throughout dinner, his mind
playing out similar scenes if he lets himself go down this path. If he lets
himself try to be happy with Cas. Maybe he even starts to believe in it a
little.
Until the ride home. In the backseat of the Uber, their conversation dies.
There’s so much to say, and none of it seems appropriate with an audience.
Quietly holding hands, there’s no distraction and Dean’s fears run rampant.
Dean and Cas could be happy. He sees it so fucking clearly and wants it so damn
badly it hurts. They’re soulmates. They can do it.
But, his brain helpfully points out, that was all true with Jimmy. He and Jimmy
got along great. He and Jimmy were happy. He and Jimmy are soulmates. None of
that was enough to keep Jimmy around, why would Cas be any different?
Because the twins are different, he fought back against his self-doubt.
Fundamentally, yes, he cares about both twins and is comfortable with them, but
their interactions are so different. Jimmy’s light-hearted and full of
laughter. They joke and giggle together and it’s simple. He can be himself,
relaxed and at ease like with no one else save Sammy. Cas, on the other hand,
is serious and intense. He has such a steady presence that makes Dean think he
could do anything with Cas there to back him up.
If he had bothof them in his corner…
You don’t. And you won’t . That’s not how this works. Even if they’re both your
soulmate, you don’t honestly think you can get away without choosing one, do
you? They’re called “couples” for a reason: two people in a relationship.
There's no room for a third.
The three of them haven't spent a whole lot of time together as a trio.
Normally there are others around, diluting the experience. At the time it had
felt essential, a necessity to keep him from doing something stupid like asking
Jimmy out or asking Cas for more than sex. He'd held back, of course, because
Dean Winchester is chronically incapable of making a relationship work. All
that untapped potential—
Not that it mattered. How the fuck do three people make a relationship work? In
the end, no matter how hard they tried, it'd all come down to a choice. Either
he'd have to pick between the twins, or they’d have to pick between him and
each other. Maybe in the beginning it would've been easy to choose Cas over his
brother, but after dating Jimmy, Dean had plenty of firsthand experience to
tell him otherwise. there’s no way in hell he can make that choice. He’d
agonized over the possibility of Jimmy leaving him because he loved Cas more,
and that was before he knew they were an item.
Basically, Dean doesn’t stand a chance. Either they leave him now or they leave
him later, and that’s that. What is he to the twins other than a diversion, a
way to pass the time and maybe spice up their sex lives until they’re bored of
him. It doesn’t matter how things shake out, you don’t choose some guy you met
a year ago over your own friggin brother.
The possibility that he could have both twins never fully registers. Jimmy’s
offered it, in his own way, and Castiel most likely would too, but long term…
The twins have been together since they were teenagers. Dean hasn’t had a
relationship last more than a year in his entire life. Trying to make it work
with the twins would break him. He doesn’t even need the darker half of himself
to convince him of that; it’s a given.
His mood’s turned sour by the time they arrive back at the apartment, and he’s
tempted to tell the driver to take him back to his own place. Maybe if he can
nip this thing in the bud and save them all some heartache—
“Dean.” Castiel holds the car door open for him. He waits, tone firm and
offering no room for argument. With a sigh, Dean climbs out and follows him
inside.
The light touch on his back as Castiel guides him out of the elevator helps. By
no means does it scare away the grim thoughts plaguing him, but it at least
lessens their bite. Castiel only breaks contact once they arrive at the
apartment, digging through his pockets to find his keys and unlock the door.
They’ve barely stepped into the entryway when a frantic voice comes from the
living room.
“Cas? Dean?” Hearing Jimmy is like a punch to the gut, and they both freeze and
look at each other like deer caught in the headlights. Dean’s rooted to the
spot, terrified at the prospect of talking this out with not one but both
twins. Castiel, however, looks torn between escaping back the way he came and
marching into the living room to deck Jimmy. The two impulses seem to cancel
each other out, and he stays there wavering in the doorway right next to Dean.
Jimmy’s face appears around the corner, nothing but frantic relief at seeing
the two of them and both Cas and Dean relax infinitesimally. He marches
forward, wrapping them both in a fierce hug as he pulls them further into the
apartment and kicks the door shut behind them. Guess no one’s running away now.
“You fucking… jackasses! ” he hisses while squeezing them tight and placing a
kiss on Castiel’s and then Dean’s cheek. “I was so fucking worried.” Jimmy
pulls away, pushing Cas slightly as he rounds on his brother. “You can’t
fucking send me a text like that and not expect me to freak the fuck out! I
took the next plane back and then you’re not even here when I get back!”
Dean shoots Cas a look (What text?) and Castiel’s face is the epitome of
discomfort as he shakes his head minutely (I’d rather not talk about it) .
Jimmy moves away from Cas and puts his arms on Dean’s shoulders. “You okay,
babe? Cas had me all worried, and then you two fucking ignoring my calls all
day.”
“Calls?” Dean grabs his phone out of his back pocket. It doesn’t light up when
he hits the power, and he curses himself for not having checked the battery
before going out.
Cas shrugs as if he doesn’t care about his brother’s distress. “I left mine
here. And don’t pout like that. You don’t get to disappear and then whine about
being left out of the loop. Trust me, as the asshole who disappeared first, I’m
well aware of the drawbacks.”
“I didn’t—That’s not the same—It’s not like I was upset or throwing a friggin
hissy fit!”
“Well,” Dean puts in, “what were you doing, then?”
As much trouble as he’d had answering Castiel, he looks positively wrecked to
hear the accusation in Dean’s tone. “What did you think I was doing?”
In his despair, Dean had rehearsed this moment again and again in his head.
He’d spent many drunken nights begging Jimmy to come back and apologizing for
whatever he’d done wrong. Never had he thought of blaming Jimmy or yelling at
him, but with Cas offering silent support, he musters up all the indignation he
feels he’s entitled to.
“Uh… cutting and running? Dumping me in the shittiest way possible, hoping I’d
get the hint and move on without the messiness of an actual breakup? I don’t
know, man, take your fucking pick!”
“I left you that card...” Jimmy replies weakly, though it’s obvious there’s not
much fight in him.
“That vague fucking promise you’d come back? You’re a real class act, ditching
town and leaving your boyfriend —no, correction, your soulmate—nothing but a
cheap card to say goodbye for you!”
Jimmy wilts under the force of Dean’s self-righteous anger, shoulders hunching
in to protect himself and eyes fixed firmly on a spot on the ground between
Dean and Cas. “I know it was kind of a dick move—” Castiel snorts. “—but I
really did think it was for the best.”
“This is the part where you apologize and offer Dean an actual explanation.”
All of Jimmy’s apparent meekness dissolves as he rounds in his brother.
Pointing a finger into his chest to emphasize each word, he grounds out, “Don’t
you dare talk to me about apologies, not after the shit you pulled. I only left
because of you. I went to make things better because of you, you selfish
prick.”
        [https://68.media.tumblr.com/a1a9c7c00d950f6aa45431b3c3679170/
                      tumblr_oqf0qkC9CM1uqhw14o7_540.jpg]
“Hey!” Dean has to physically step between the brothers to get them to step
away from each other and stop the argument from escalating. “How ‘bout we agree
to disagree, huh? Cas and Jimmy, you’re both dicks for leaving and you both
have gotta make up for it.” Jimmy smiles smugly at his brother, as though glad
his boyfriend is rising to his defense. “Don’t do that,” Dean snaps, but with
maybe half as much bite as before. “I’ve heard Cas’ side, now it’s your turn.
Fess up.”
“You know,” Jimmy huffs out as he heads back into the living room, “when I
imagined you two teaming up, it was a lot hotter than this.” There’s a thick
folder on the edge of the coffee table, and he bends over to pick it up.
“Don’t worry, it’s plenty hot.” Castiel follows his brother and plops down on
the end of the sofa, effectively spreading out so that Jimmy can’t take the
spot he’d been angling towards. “But I’m sure you already knew that. You’ve
seen us both in action, together we could only be better. Just imagine him
deep-throating my cock while you’re tied to the bed, begging me to untie you—”
The folder nearly drops from Jimmy’s hand and he has to scramble to keep it
from spilling all over the floor. “Jesus, Cas, don’t… I’m only human, for
fuck’s sake!”
Castiel smirks, spreading his legs far enough to reveal the growing bulge in
his pants. “Hmm and you’ve been gone for… how long did you say, Dean?”
“Three weeks, give or take.” Why is his throat so dry? When did it get so hot
in here? Cas isn’t doing what Dean thinks he’s doing, is he?
“Three weeks,” Castiel repeats, eyes pinning Jimmy in place. “Three weeks
without sex…”
Yeah, he’s definitely doing what Dean thinks he is.
“You think he’s jerked off at all during that time, Dean?”
And Dean’s going to help.
Stepping forward, Dean crosses his hands across his chest and gives Jimmy an
appraising look. “Oh absolutely. Which one of us you think he thought about
more often when he did it?” It hits a little too close to home, but he says it
anyway. He hopes Cas will pick it up from there, keep the banter going and stop
Jimmy from giving an honest answer—
“It’s probably a pretty even spread,” Castiel says dismissively, as though it’s
of no consequence. Thank god. “What I’d like to know is how often he thought of
the two of us together, how often he thought of all three of us together.”
Jimmy gasps, dropping the folder onto his table and completely unaware of the
papers fluttering loose. “Cas,” he whimpers. “You told him?”
“Mmmhmm,” Castiel hums while moving a hand to palm his cock. “Answer the
question, Jimmy. How often did you think about all three of us in bed
together?”
He takes a hesitant step towards his brother. His fingers twitch as he
gravitates closer, but Jimmy stops himself short. How Jimmy has the willpower
to resist Cas as he begins to unzip his pants and looks on with hooded eyes, an
open invitation for Jimmy to crawl right into his lap… Well, Jimmy is a
stronger man than Dean could ever hope to be.
“Every night,” Jimmy grits out. “Once or twice since you started talking about
the hot, green-eyed man in your German class…” He steals a glance at Dean. Dean
swallows and feels himself grow even harder at the attention. Maintaining eye
contact, he adds, “But every night since I met him, I’ve thought about it.”
Dean lets out his breath in a huff, so damn gratified to hear Jimmy thought of
him, thought of them together. He didn’t forget about Dean while he was gone.
He wanted Dean before they knew they were soulmates.
Before he can think better of it, Dean crosses the distance between and throws
his arms around Jimmy’s neck and pulling him in for a rough kiss. The thrum of
electricity makes his toes curl and he sighs in contentment. Jimmy sighs
against Dean’s lips, pulling away to nip along the stubble Dean hasn’t bothered
to shave in days.
“I didn’t dare hope to have you,” Jimmy whispers. The apartment’s so quiet, it
sounds like he’s yelling the words as a declaration of love. “You’re so
wonderful, and I already had Cas… Kissing Cas and then kissing you are the two
best moments of my life. I’m sorry I didn’t make that clear.”
“Yes,” Castiel interrupts. He pushes off the couch, prowls towards them as he
slots himself behind Jimmy. Dean can feel Cas’ knuckles brush against him as he
places his hands on Jimmy’s hips. “You owe Dean an apology for making him
worry. You should’ve seen the state he was in when he texted me.” With a growl,
Cas jerks Jimmy’s pants. The sudden movement throws him off balance and he
stumbles slightly before giving in and dropping to his knees. “Now go ahead…”
He nudges Jimmy’s head forward, and his brother groans. “Make it up to him.”
Sex before talking things out is a terrible idea—Why'd Jimmy leave? Does Jimmy
even still want Dean? Where are they going from here?—but with Cas looking on
in approval, Dean ignores the way his gut twists in anxiety. Cas at least wants
him, and that'll have to be enough.
And if it isn't, he hopes he can survive losing them.
Jimmy's fingers in his fly are distracting enough that he's pulled back into
the moment. They're both shaking as Jimmy works Dean’s pants and boxers down to
his knees. Jimmy doesn’t bother shimmying them down further, instead eyeing
Dean’s hardening cock in front of him before his tongue darts out and takes a
tentative lick.
“Good,” Cas praises. Dean jumps; he’d forgotten Cas was even there, but now all
he can focus on is the three of them: Dean standing at the edges of the living
room, Cas right in front of him with a predatory look, and Jimmy kneeling
between them and teasing at Dean’s slit. “Now swallow him down.” Cas nudges
Jimmy closer, a hand on his jaw encouraging him to open up and do just that.
As it turns out, Jimmy is very good at following instructions. Dean watches him
as his cock disappears into Jimmy’s mouth, feels it hit the back of his throat
on the first pass, and then Jimmy’s pulling back and starting all over again.
And while Dean’s falling apart, thrilled to have Jimmy back and his gorgeous
mouth coaxing him to orgasm, Cas is there to take control. He buries a hand in
his brother’s hair, tugging and pushing at random intervals to make Jimmy take
Dean deeper or to hold back with only the head of Dean’s cock in his mouth.
Jimmy does it all, whining when he’s not allowed to move freely and moaning in
satisfaction every time he’s allowed to deepthroat him.
Castiel takes his free hand and wraps it around Dean’s head, bringing their
foreheads together so they can watch Jimmy’s absolutely perfect, filthy mouth
work. “He’s very good at that, isn’t he?”
“Yeah, he is,” Dean agrees. He caresses Jimmy’s cheek, liking the way it bulges
around him, and then turns his attention back to Cas. “Like you don’t fucking
know.”
“Of course I do. Taught him everything he knows about sucking dick. Really, you
owe me thanks for every time his mouth has gotten you off.”
“Yeah?” He means to be cocky, but his laugh is barely more than a puff of air.
“Think Jimmy’s got a card for that? ‘Thanks for teaching your brother to give
good head, I really appreciate it?’”
Jimmy snorts and a trail of spit leaks free, running down his chin until Dean
wipes it away.
“Don’t encourage him,” Castiel warns with no small amount of affection. “Or
I’ll just end up with a card featuring him blowing your brains out.” He
releases his hold on Jimmy’s hair, now petting him lightly. “On second thought,
I wouldn’t mind a reminder of this beautiful display.”
“Great,” Dean grouses. “You can put it on your desk at work. Sure that’ll turn
a few heads.”
“Don’t be grumpy. I was paying you both a compliment. You’re both gorgeous.
Jimmy on his knees, you fighting so hard not to come. It’s a work of art. One
that Jimmy’s meager skills—” (he preemptively dodges the elbow Jimmy blindly
sends his way) “—can’t quite capture, but I’m sure I’ll appreciate the
attempt.”
“Don’t worry, Jimmy, I think your art’s awesome.” Dean’s rewarded for the
compliment with a hard swallow and a deep groan of approval that has his breath
hitching and his own appreciative moan echoing back.
“You two will be trouble,” Cas whispers into Dean’s ear and then kisses his way
down to his lips. The contact starts so light that goosebumps rise along Dean’s
arms, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end in anticipation of the
lightning strike that’s about to happen. Then as Castiel presses closer, that
familiar and oh so addictive feeling hits him like a freight train. The feeling
that’s like when he kisses Jimmy, but already Dean knows he’ll never be able to
confuse the sensations ever again. Similar at first glance, but as different as
night and day once you know what to look for.
Just like the twins.
They’re so engrossed in the taste of each other that neither notices Jimmy
popping off of Dean’s cock and staring up at them in open shock. “You’re…
you’re kissing?” Neither of them wants to break away, either, but Castiel
quickly sucks Dean’s bottom lip into his mouth before letting go and staring
down at his brother with a questioning look.
“Obviously.”
“Dean doesn’t like to kiss.”
Dean blushes and buries his face in Castiel’s shoulder, too embarrassed by his
complete turn around. Yeah, he’s hated kissing all his adult life. Never the
sensations or the intimacy shared by it, he’s always enjoyed that, but the lack
of the right sensations and the broken intimacy that came from it made him
dread it. Even when things were comfortable with Lisa, by then he’d built up
such a disdain for the simple act of affection that they rarely did it.
“Does he like kissing you?” Castiel’s voice rumbles through him, and Dean holds
onto the warmth that spreads through him with every word. “Dean seems like he’d
be a cuddler.” He turns his attention back to Dean, massaging his scalp and
doing everything in his power to make Dean melt into a puddle of contentment.
Dean’s embarrassed how well it’s working. “Long make out sessions.” Now he dips
in for another kiss. “Hours of gentle tender touches, each one bringing him
closer and closer to the edge until he’s begging for a firm hand on him. I bet
he’d come within two strokes, five tops—“
“Oh fuck—” Jimmy interrupts, leaning against Dean’s thigh. “You can’t just say
shit like that.”
“And you can’t just stop blowing him.” Pointedly, he nudges Jimmy’s head back
to Dean’s cock, and Jimmy kisses the tip before swallowing him down again
without complaint.
Castiel doesn’t claim his lips again, and though Dean’s disappointed, it’s
probably for the best. He’s too worked up right now; between Jimmy’s tongue and
Cas sending electric currents buzzing throughout his body, he’d be gone within
minutes. Even as it is, he can barely stand. As subtly as he can, he tries to
lean some of his weight into Castiel.
“You know… Dean and I, we had an awkward moment this morning when we first woke
up in bed together. We didn’t remember who we’d been with last night, and both
assumed it was you curled around us. We started kissing, and wouldn’t you know,
that didn’t tip us off that it wasn’t you.”
Jimmy nearly chokes and tries to pull away, but Castiel forces him to keep
going and take Dean’s dick deeper. He looks up at his brother and Dean with
pleading eyes, so Cas keeps talking.
“It was so strong and so… different than with you. Should’ve realized it
immediately, but I honestly didn’t think it was possible. Yet here I am… the
two most gorgeous men in the world, and they’re both mine.” The last word comes
out a guttural snarl.
“Cas,” Dean whines, pleads, begs . He doesn’t even know what he wants, but
hearing Cas place a claim on him and Jimmy like that, it does things to him.
“Want…”
“Shhh, it’s okay. Gonna take care of you.” Then Cas’ eyes light up wickedly and
he steps back. Dean’s bereft of his warm presence, and it’s worse when Castiel
yanks Jimmy off of him. “I have an idea.”
Castiel manhandles Jimmy so that he’s perpendicular to Dean. Still on his knees
and looking completely dazed, Jimmy goes along with it. Once he’s satisfied,
Castiel pecks Dean’s cheek lightly and then drops to his knees in front of his
brother.
“I’ve always wanted to try this…” There’s a moment as he licks his lips and
takes in Jimmy’s sex-ruffled hair, then Castiel dives in and kisses him. It’s
harsh and demanding and oh so sinfully beautiful. Dean has spent countless
jerk-off sessions imagining this, and every single fantasy paled in comparison
to the real thing. He can’t even find it himself to feel left out, not with the
two of them going at it right at his feet.
Dean doesn’t have long to wait before Castiel’s grabbing Dean’s leg and urging
him forward. He slows down their kisses and makes room between his mouth and
Jimmy’s. His fingers lace around Dean’s cock, guiding him so that he slips
between their sinful chapped lips. That’s when Dean realizes what’s happening,
and his hand shoots to the base of his dick to stave off his quickly
approaching orgasm and help keep himself steady. Slowly, Dean starts thrusting
into the channel created by their mouths. Twin tongues dart out and tease along
both sides of his dick, lips engulfing him and—
“Oh my god ,” Dean hisses, biting his lip to keep from crying out more. “I can…
I can feel … Fuck I can feel your sparks.” It’s a low buzz, maybe even his
imagination running wild, but he swears there’s a tingling coursing along his
shaft everywhere one of the twins is in contact with him.
That draws a laugh from Castiel and a mewl from Jimmy. Together, the twins
gradually start kissing again and Dean continues to fuck into their kisses. As
they gain confidence with the position, their hands start getting added to the
equation. The twins try to roughly undress each other before giving up and
working on their own clothes; there’s not much they can do in their current
position, so they settle for getting a hand in their pants and fisting the
other’s shirt or hair. Dean alternates between stroking the twins’ hair and
fondling his balls and the base of his dick.
When the twins reach across to start jerking the other off, Dean loses what
semblance of self-control remained. Hands grabbing handfuls of hair and brings
them as close together as possible. The pressure on his cock increases. It
shouldn’t be as good as fucking into their asses or down their throats, but the
quivering pulse of electricity he can just barely feel is beyond amazing. He’s
pretty sure he could come from that alone.
Dean’s so selfishly involved in his own pleasure that he’s taken by surprise
when he sees Jimmy go rigid as his come spurts all over the carpet. That’s when
Dean’s finally overcome with joy. White burns out the rest of his vision, all
of himself lost in the sensations the twins are providing him. He comes
endlessly, floating in wave after wave of ecstasy because this isn’t just sex.
This is him and his soulmates. Soulmates!
A sob wracks him as he collapses into waiting arms. Steady, strong, sure, the
twins support his weight as they carry him to the bedroom. They undress him,
lay him gently on the bed and clean him up.
“You two are divine when you come,” Castiel praises as he runs a washcloth over
Dean. “I love how there is now a stain of our combined come on my living room
floor.”
Dean’s too exhausted to do more than mentally scowl at Cas, though he hears the
sound of skin on skin and assumes Jimmy’s swatted his brother. If he weren’t
already half asleep, he’d thank Jimmy for keeping Cas in line.
“Dean?” Jimmy asks as he drapes himself over Dean’s back, massaging his legs
and pressing tiny kisses along the back of his neck. “You okay?”
“Sleeping.” His brain’s still riding the high of post-orgasmic bliss. He
doesn’t want to deal with any of the questions or the mental turmoil associated
with it. The three of them had sex and it was awesome and that’s about as far
as he’s willing to process things right now. Whatever it is they need to talk
about (and there is certainly a lot), it’ll keep until he’s had a few hours to
recharge.
“Alright, Dean.” Jimmy brushes a few stray hairs from his forehead before
relaxing around him. Castiel follows suit, wiggling his way between Dean’s arms
and snaking his arms around Dean’s waist.
Cocooned between the twins, Dean falls into a dreamless sleep.
 
Chapter End Notes
     for a very nsfw gif to visualize what dean was doing with the twins,
     click_here
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Summary
     The three of them realize they need to talk
 Dean doesn’t know what wakes him up, but something feels off. His eyes blink
open as he registers the surprisingly empty bed, devoid of its previous heat,
and the white noise coming from the bathroom. Visions of twin blue eyes come
back to him, warm bodies pressed in close and whispering endearments.
Basically, total heaven.
But the two angels who’d been keeping him company are gone, and Dean jerks
himself upright. Fully awake, his first thoughts are of worst case scenarios.
They left me. They’re leaving me. They don’t want me around. Fun for sex but
not for more— No, that can’t be right. As easily as he can picture them dumping
him, he doesn’t think it’s happening yet. They’d need time to figure out how
fucking useless of a boyfriend and partner he is. It’s not like Aaron or Lydia
or Lisa dumped him the first day, either. It’ll take them time to figure out
they don’t need him.
Maybe they won’t,  whispers a quiet part of himself.  Maybe they want and need
and love you as much as you want, need, and love them.
Yeah, that’d be nice.
That voice—so hopeful and trusting in the twins—reminds him of his teenage
self. The young kid who turned sixteen and thought he’d find out Cassie
Robinson was the love of his life.
He thought that part of him had died years ago. The Cassie thing had left him
reeling, but over the years, any hope he felt for the future got weaker and
weaker with each new person he kissed, and, well, he was pretty sure Lisa
meeting her soulmate and walking out of their apartment had dealt the final
blow.
More like a mercy killing, putting that wretched part of himself out of its
misery. That stupid, naive young man who thought he stood a chance at happily
ever after.
After a deep breath, he quiets his mind, purposefully ignores the worries
plaguing him, and listens. The shower’s on, but no other noise disturbs the
quiet of the apartment. If he had to guess, that would mean that both twins are
in the bathroom. Dean throws off the blankets and tiptoes over. He’s not sure
what makes him so hesitant, but if they’re talking about how awful he is, he
could maybe sneak out without causing a scene.
There he goes again, assuming the worst.
Not that calling himself out on it will make him stop.
Damn he’s a mess.
The falling water and half-closed door obscure most of the sound, but as he
gets closer, Dean can hear muffled words. Pressing close to the wall outside
the bathroom, he can make out what they’re saying.
“—you and your damn flowers,” Jimmy groans. “Yes, Linda was watching them for
you. She was worried about you when they started to wilt. I had to make up some
bullshit reason why you weren’t around.”
“I’ll make it up to you.” The conversation breaks off and Dean can imagine them
getting handsy. If the door were more open, he could steal a peek in the
mirror, but as it is, there’s no way he can check without giving away that he’s
there. He shouldn’t eavesdrop, but Dean can’t help but think that listening to
the twins in this unguarded moment will tell him more about their intentions
than asking them up front would.
“Yes,” Jimmy agrees. “You will.” There’s a whimper, deep and distinctly Cas.
“You still going to make me choose between you two?” There was iron behind
Jimmy’s words, defiance and anger and damn if Dean’s heart doesn’t swell to
twice its size. Jimmy’s sticking up for him, for  them , to Cas.
“No,” is Cas’ quiet answer.
“And you going to admit you were being an ass?”
Dean can  hear  Cas narrowing his eyes. “I will admit no such thing. You
cheated  on me. Even if he’s your soulmate— our  soulmate—even if I might like
the end result, I feel justified in that anger.”
“Ohhh. So you admit you like the end result. You  like  having Dean with us. In
our  bed . That gorgeous man was in our  bed , Cassie. He’s  ours .” Dean can
hear the happiness in Jimmy’s voice, the borderline giddy note to his words. He
can picture the huge, gummy smile that goes with it, and his knees feel weak.
“You must be at least a  little  excited about that.”
“A little,” Castiel concedes. Wet sounds make Dean’s hands itch to push open
the door and see what the twins are doing. When Cas lets out a low moan, his
resolve almost breaks. He holds back, though, and is rewarded for patience when
Jimmy keeps talking.
“You love him, don’t you?”
Dean gasps. Luckily the water’s too loud for him to be heard. Still, adrenaline
kicks in and his heart beats erratically in his chest.
“I didn’t say that.” He’s protesting, but Castiel doesn’t  sound  like he
disagrees.
“Don’t need to. He’s your  soulmate .” Jimmy says the word with such reverence,
a benediction like none other and it gives Dean chills.
“I hate you.”
“You love me. And you love  Dean, ” Jimmy teases. Dean can imagine him chanting
Dean and Cassie sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g  in a singsong voice. “He loves
you, too. He won’t admit it, though. His former lovers did a fucking number on
him. If I ever meet them, I’ll tear them apart for making him hurt so much.”
“Is that a warning?”
“That if you ever hurt Dean, I’ll kill you and no one will ever find your body?
Pretty much.” It’s a joke, clearly, but with a hint of darkness that makes Dean
question just how close to the truth it actually is. “But I’m not going to have
to worry about that, am I?”
“No,” Castiel sighs loudly enough that Dean can hear it, the sound echoing
against the tile. “I won’t hurt Dean.”
“Good.” One of the twins moans, and Dean suspects Jimmy’s rewarding him with
kisses, touches, nimble fingers stroking him or probing at his rim. Not being
able to see, having to guess at what’s happening, is so hot and in a way better
than actually seeing what Jimmy’s doing to his brother. “Admittedly, I was
worried when you texted me that you and Dean were together. I thought you were
still upset with him, thought you’d hurt him, chase him away. I was freaking
the fuck out and you  assholes  wouldn’t answer your phones.
“I sat here for  hours  with no word from either of you. I was ready to punch
you, ready to go find Dean and  beg  for forgiveness. Thank fucking  god  you
two worked things out on your own.  But...”  Jimmy pauses after drawing out the
word. “I am so fucking  pissed  that I didn’t get to  see  it. Did you suck him
off? Let him fuck you? Did you jerk each other off and cover our bed in your
come? I’ve pictured you two together so many times, and I’ve never gotten to
see  it.”
“Yeah?” Cas’ voice is pure sex, husky and delicious. “Would you like that?
Would you like to see your boyfriend fuck me?”
Dean can’t hold back anymore. He nudges the door open slowly. It doesn’t make a
sound, surprisingly, and he gets an eyeful of the naked brothers crowding into
each other’s space in the shower stall. The glass is fogging slightly, but it
does nothing to hide how hard and eager they are for each other, kissing and
groping. It really is spectacular to see them go at it.
He enjoys the view for another minute before loudly clearing his throat. They
jump apart—Cas actually bumps his head on the shower head in the process—and
look at each other guiltily. “You two gonna do this a lot? Talk about me like
I'm not here?” The brothers share a look, clearly communicating something
faster than words possibly could. “... Or do that?”
“It’s a twin thing, can’t be helped.” Jimmy slides open the shower door,
waggling his eyebrows in invitation. “Join us? Room for one more.”
The shower is a comfortable size for one grown man, but with two it’s elbows
knocking against the walls and feet stepping on each other. The twins probably
have experience navigating shower sex and know how to navigate the small space,
but Dean’s highly skeptical that he’ll be able to fit. Jimmy beckons him with
open arms; the movement causes him to shoulder into Castiel, who gives an  oof
and further convinces Dean there’s definitely not room for three.
There’s also no way Dean could ever say no to Jimmy, not with his face so open
and happy, so he rolls his eyes dramatically before stepping into the warm
spray. The brothers step aside to make room for him, scant though it might be,
and the water soothes some of his frayed nerves. He gets a few seconds to soak
his hair and let the cascade of water drip down his back and thighs before the
twins move in, one on each side.
At his back, Jimmy gently grinds against Dean’s ass and massages the small of
his back. He noses at Dean’s hair, his shoulder blades, his ear and hums in
contentment. Castiel takes over at his front, barely having room to move as he
cradles Dean’s face in his hands and kisses him thoroughly. The sparks serve
more to relax than excite him, and he relaxes into the twins’ support.
This is good. This is really really good. If Dean died right now, he’d die a
happy man. There’s nothing more he could want than to be sandwiched between
these two wonderful, gorgeous men who’ve made room for him in their lives.
… Except he’s not sure if they have. Cas  left . Jimmy  left . Sure, they came
back, but they now have a history of abandoning Dean without talking to him
first. They’re willing to share so much with him: the details of their past,
their bed, their affection and touches, their lives. If they’re not willing to
share their thoughts with him, too, then it’ll all fall apart. Sooner or later,
the comfortable life they’re trying to build together will shatter like glass
and Dean won’t be able to recover from that. Dean’s aware that some of his
fears are his own hangups and baggage, but it’s not  just  that. He needs  more
than what they’ve given him.
As much as he wants to fall head first into what they’re offering, they need to
actually  talk . He may have perfected the art of avoiding heartfelt
discussions and chick flick moments, but for his own sanity they need to hash
this out.
Sensing Dean’s apprehension, Castiel breaks their kiss. He tilts his head at
Dean in confusion, a hand reaching down to feel Dean’s limp cock. Cas jerks
back in surprise, lips pressing into a thin line as he reaches over to give
Jimmy’s head a quick swat. Jimmy stops his ministrations and waits for an
explanation, but Castiel doesn’t offer one. Instead, he turns off the shower
and squirms past the other two men to get to the towels.
He offers one to Dean first, which he gratefully accepts and quickly wraps
around himself. Bad enough he couldn’t get hard for the twins, he doesn’t want
the evidence visible.
“What’s wrong?” Jimmy asks as he runs his hands through his hair to shake out
excess water, which only serves to make it stand up at all ends. “Why’d we
stop? Why are we covering up? What’d I miss?”
Cas throws a towel at his brother’s face. “You wanna fuck, you gotta earn it.”
Jimmy’s about to object when Castiel turns to Dean. “Where do you want to do
this? Living room? Bedroom? Dining room? Should we go to your place?”
Honestly, he’s floored at the concern Cas is giving him. Cas has always been an
attentive lover and good friend, but protective boyfriend is a whole new side
that Dean could definitely get used to.
“Uh… dining room’s good.” It’s the most neutral territory he can think of in
the apartment, and there’s no way he wants to do this at his place. If things
go badly, he’ll need a place to escape to. It’d be easier for him to flee than
it would be for him to have to kick them out.
“You heard him,” Castiel says as he jerks his head to the door and leads Dean
out by the elbow. “Dining room.”
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Summary
     The Talk™
Dean’s completely ready to dive right in, but they take a quick pitstop in the
bedroom to grab some clothes. Admittedly, it’d probably be pretty awkward to
have this conversation wearing nothing more than a towel.
They head to the dining room in a line, Cas, then Dean, then Jimmy. Dean takes
a seat at the table, one that’s close to the door. Jimmy walks into the dining
room before turning right back around. Straining to see around the corner, Dean
watches Jimmy hurriedly collects the papers and folder he’d abandoned last
night. The crinkled edges stick out of the sides and the folder bulges in the
center where there’s no doubt some bent papers keeping it from closing
properly. Jimmy takes a seat opposite from Dean, keeping the folder on his lap
as he offers Dean a shy, comforting smile.
While Jimmy’s getting situated, Castiel bypasses the table altogether. He
stalks into the kitchen and pours some water to make tea, three boring,
identical black mugs set out on the counter. The extra time is nerve wracking,
but Dean appreciates it immensely when hot tea is placed in front of him.
Yesterday when he and Cas talked, it was nice having the coffee there to fiddle
with and distract him when things got too heavy. Castiel winks at him, and he
wonders if Cas was thinking the same thing.
Cas takes a seat at the head of the table, the three of them each with their
own side but able to clearly see the other two. It’d be nice, Dean can’t help
but think, to have dinners like this. The three of them sharing in a home-
cooked meal and talking about their day. Cas and Jimmy won’t have to complain
about their jobs anymore, because they’ve opened up their shop together and
they’re happy . They don’t come home looking like they’ve survived another
awful, soul-draining day. They have stories to share about their customers and
Jimmy will proudly show off new card designs while Castiel talks about
expanding his greenhouse.
He wants that fantasy so damn badly it hurts.
“Dean?” Castiel’s voice is gentle as he takes in the pained look on his face.
“Would you like to start?”
Yes.
“No.”
“It’s okay,” Jimmy jumps in. “I uh… I guess you two already talked about me and
Cas. You two have figured things out, or at least started to, I hope. Can I
just say I’m so fucking relieved that you two are soulmates? Cas, you were
being so damn difficult,” he rolls his eyes at his brother before turning to
Dean. “I didn’t know how you’d react to the whole twin thing. I was trying so
hard to figure out how to make things work so I wouldn’t have to choose between
you. The idea of having to pick one of you over the other…” He turns to Cas,
who refuses to acknowledge the jab, before continuing. “It’d have killed me to
do it… I was worried I’d have to pick neither of you because it seemed like
it’d hurt less all around.”
“Well,” Castiel says slowly, “it feels like you did choose neither of us.”
Jimmy blinks and stares blankly at his brother, gaze briefly flickering to Dean
before settling back on Cas. “What do you mean?”
“You left, jackass.”
“You left too!” Jimmy snaps back automatically. “You left first ! How the hell
are you going to point a finger at me like I’m the one who walked out on
everything?”
It’s actually rather amusing to watch the twins squabble. Here they are, acting
like normal brothers (and a normal couple at that), and Dean gets to witness
it. He’s part of it. Or he would be if he’d open his mouth and say something.
“You know,” Dean interrupts, “I think there’s enough jackassery to go around.”
That shuts the brothers up, both of their jaws locking into place as rueful
expressions take over. “You,” he points at Cas, “you already told me why you
left and all that. Still a dick move, but I get it. But you,” he turns to point
at Jimmy, “you haven’t said jack shit about where you were. So start talking.
If I don’t like what I hear, I don’t think I’ll be sticking around for the
apology.”
It’s a terrible bluff, but Jimmy looks appropriately cowed so Dean thinks maybe
he pulled it off.
“Where do I start?” Jimmy sighs, rolling his head back to stare at the ceiling.
“I wanted all three of us to be together. Wanted it from the start, but with
you two fucking and most people not being into the whole twincest thing…” He
shrugs and makes eye contact with Dean. “With you and me being soulmates, I
thought maybe… maybe that meant you’d be open to it? I didn’t think I could be
connected to one person that profoundly without them being accepting of me
having that same bond with Cas. I trusted that you’d come around to the idea of
having Cas with us. Whenever I brought it up, you seemed unsure but you never
shot me down. It’d take time, but I figured you’d come around to the idea.”
Dean buries his face in his hands, elbows biting into the hard surface of the
table. It’s easier to admit this if he can pretend the twins aren’t looking.
“You’re not wrong.” Disgusted at himself, he goes on. “I’ve been into both of
you pretty much from day one. I had fantasies about Jimmy even when I was with
Cas. Yeah, I know it was a no strings attached deal, but I still felt like a
skeezeball about it. And… and I couldn’t get Cas out of my head. I felt like
such an asshole about that, wanting someone else after I’d met my friggin
soulmate. How fucked up did I have to be?”
“Dean—” the brothers speak in unison, then cut off at the same time. After a
brief showdown, Cas relents and lets his brother continue. “I’m sorry I didn’t
do a better job of helping you through that. I sensed you’d accept me and
Cas—that we were together, that we wanted you to be part of that—but the
thought that you might reject me, reject us… It scared me, and I held back.”
“Yeah, that’s fine. I get it. But… but you left . Why? You didn’t want to freak
me out, how the fuck does that not freak me out? You leave some… some card to
say goodbye, being vague as fuck about what you’re doing and how long you’ll be
gone, you barely answer my texts… What the hell, Jimmy?” Filled with righteous
anger, Dean hadn’t realized he’d stood up, but now he’s towering over the table
and panting in the wake of his outburst.
“... He’s so hot when he’s angry, isn’t he?” Cas leans in and whispers. Jimmy
forcibly pushes his brother’s face away as he implores Dean to sit down.
Embarrassed, Dean does. He doesn’t regret anything he said—he needed to get
that off his chest—but he wish he’d kept his cool while doing it.
 
“I left to get Cas on board. Like I said, I trusted you to come around with
time. Cas was being an ass . He couldn’t accept that you were both my
soulmates, and I needed to prove to him that was the case, that it was
possible. I thought if I could make that case, he’d… I dunno, maybe give it a
chance? Give me the benefit of the doubt? Count his lucky stars that maybe we
could keep you around? But instead he just wanted to be petty and jealous
because it was easier than admitting he might actually care about you.”
Dean turns to see Castiel’s chagrin. Expression tight and eyes sharp, he gives
no other outward indication of how he feels about Jimmy’s accusations.
“Of course,” Jimmy adds wryly as he idly spins his mug around with his index
finger, “if I’d known you two were soulmates and all of this could be resolved
with a kiss…”
“Yeah, we were a Disney kiss away from a happy ending, wonderful.” Castiel puts
his hand over Jimmy’s to stop his fidgeting. “You said you left to prove to me
you had two soulmates. How does that work?”
A pleased grin slowly spreads as Jimmy puts the folder on the table next to
him, just out of Cas’ reach. Opening it, his nimble fingers pick through the
papers until he finds what he’s looking for. “Here are…” He double checks the
names before placing the photo profiles down one at a time. “Samandriel… and
this one’s Alfie. Two good friends who grew up together. Close, but not
romantically involved or even attracted to each other. And this one, this is
Adam. Guess what? He’s soulmates with both of them.”
Dean leans over to read the notes written in Jimmy’s handwriting: how the three
of them met; when Adam first kissed each of them and found out they’re
soulmates; the way they make their unusual relationship work; their concerns
and what they actually tell people. Castiel’s hand spins the closest paper his
way and his brow furrows in concentration as he reads.
“Here are Max and Alicia,” Jimmy continues as he drops another set of pictures
on top of the old ones. “And their soulmate is Randy. And yes, you’re reading
those notes right, Max and Alicia are twins who have the same soulmate.”
This set includes a picture of the three of them together; Alicia and Max both
look at Randy with obvious affection, and Randy has an arm around each of them.
Their happiness is palpable, even through the glossy paper, and hope doesn’t
simply blossom inside of Dean—it breaks through every crack in the wall he’s
built to try and contain it. What he wants isn’t a pipe dream. These people
already have it.
“This is Bela, Ruby and uh…” Jimmy looks embarrassed before he adds a third
paper. “Meg.”
“Meg? My Meg?”
The name doesn’t mean much to Dean. Vaguely familiar, probably one of the old
flames Jimmy mentioned, but not one that sticks out in his mind like April.
Cas, however, is staring daggers at his brother.
“I uh… I had to start somewhere.”
“You talked to Meg? She didn’t even like you.”
“Oh don’t flatter yourself. She liked me just fine. Let me watch her peg you,
didn’t she?”
Dean raises his eyebrows at that. He’d definitely remember a story like that if
Jimmy’d told him.
“Letting you watch us fuck is not the same as liking you. I haven’t talked to
her in years, how the hell you’d get her number?”
“You’re kidding, right? You still have it in your phone, which means it’s in
your Gmail contacts, which means I can get it since I’m the one who set up your
damn account in the first place. And believe you me, she was more than happy to
talk once I called. She says hi, by the way.”
“Uh…” Dean has to snap his fingers to get the brothers’ attention. “So you
called an old flame of Cas’ and found all these other people to do what
exactly?”
“To make Cas give the three of us a chance. I started online, looking for other
people with a similar situation, but then I remembered Meg and some drunken
conversations she and I had had when Cas was too gone to be interesting
anymore. And I found people. Loads of them.” He stands, holds up the folder for
emphasis, papers crunching as his grip tightens. “People who don’t follow the
soulmate rules we’re supposed to believe from the movies and rumors and
whispered conversations because no one will actually talk about this shit out
loud. People who could back me up when I told Cas this was a legitimate
situation that we could work through. Cas’ whole thing was about ‘how it isn’t
possible to have more than one soulmate.’” Jimmy’s voice dips down to a lower
register as he imitates his twin. He’s able to perfectly mimic the deep,
gravelly quality, but somehow it still sounds nothing like Cas. “If I could
find real life people that said otherwise, maybe he’d get the stick out of his
ass and listen.”
He flings the folder onto the table and collapses back into his seat. An
overwhelming, oppressive silence takes over after Jimmy’s impassioned outburst.
Some of the energy drains out of Jimmy and he looks exhausted. Defeated, even.
“And you found them.” Dean starts gathering up the papers and gingerly putting
them in the folder. Now that he knows what each page represents, there are a
lot of people represented in here. It’s full of stories like their own, though
every one of the stories here is more complete than theirs. They’re still in
the beginning, that terrifying first few steps. “This uh… this must’ve taken a
lot of time.”
“Three weeks. I ditched my most recent contacts to get back here.”
“You have, what, a dozen people in here? Twenty? At what point were you going
to come back?”
Jimmy cringes at Dean’s accusation. “I don’t know? I’d talk to people and hear
their stories, and I’d think… This is great, this is what I need, but it isn’t
enough . Because I know Cas, and he can dismiss one, two, three examples. Claim
people are lying or I’m just hearing what I want to hear, have a million
reasons why it’s a fluke or not the same. So I wanted more . I wanted
everything so Cas would listen. I thought if I came back too soon, I’d have to
leave again to find more people.” More quietly, almost to himself, he mumbles,
“It was hard enough leaving you two the first time, I didn’t think I’d be
strong enough to do it again.”
“Fuck,” Cas hisses. He motions for Dean to hand him the folder and starts
perusing through it. “He’s right, of course. I didn’t want you two to be
soulmates, so I wouldn’t have listened to any of this. I think you’d have
actually had to physically bring these people here before I’d start letting
myself be convinced.”
“Max and Alicia offered to fly in and talk to you,” he says dryly. “I told them
I hoped it wouldn’t come to that. Lucky for me, you two kissed and proved all
of my efforts completely fruitless. If I’d known that were the case, I would’ve
saved my air miles and locked you two in a room or something.”
“Great,” Dean says, and the twins turn their attention back to him. “Cas is a
believer. Where do we go from here?”
“The bedroom would be nice, there are a few things I wouldn’t mind trying—”
Under the table, Jimmy stomps on Cas’ foot. “I think he means… the three of us
as a couple—as a partnership, where do we go from here?”
Castiel squints at both of them like it’s the dumbest question in the world.
“Are we not already dating? I don’t understand. Jimmy and I are still together,
assuming we forgive each other for the past few months. You and Dean are still
together, assuming he forgives you for walking out on him without a proper
explanation. Dean and I picked the sex with benefits thing back up, now all we
have to do is add in the dating part. What’s left to discuss?”
“A lot. We’ve kinda sorta said we want to try and make this work, but we
haven’t actually said it, and I for one would like to hear it.” A foot strokes
Dean’s calf under the table, and he hears what Jimmy’s really saying. “I want
this. You two and me? The three of us together? I’m in. It sounds like you’re
on board, Cas, but you need to say the words. I need to hear it. Dean needs to
hear it. No more assumptions. You gotta give us something we can’t
misinterpret.”
“I don’t know how much plainer I could possibly—”
“Castiel.”
The use of his full name makes Cas shut right up. (Dean takes note, wondering
if it would be as effective if he tried it.) Cas grinds his teeth before
saying, “I want you, Jimmy. I want you, Dean. I want both of you.”
“You had that before,” Jimmy points out. “Before me and Dean kissed. You had me
and you had him. Are you saying you want the same thing?” He puts his hands up
in surrender when he sees Castiel’s glare. “Like I said, no more assumptions.
Tell us exactly what you want so we don’t have to guess.”
Cas’ eyelashes flutter in an epic attempt to keep from rolling his eyes. In the
end, he closes them to avoid it altogether. When he opens them again, he looks
contrite. “I want what you and I have with Dean. I want it with both of you.
And I want you two to be able to have it with each other. I—” His words stutter
to an awkward stop before he picks up again. “I have no idea how a relationship
like that would work, but I’m willing to try it.”
Jimmy rewards him with a bright smile. “Good. And you, Dean?”
In his heart, he knows the answer. Hope that he can have the twins, live his
life with them at his side, surges through him. It’s all he wants. It’s all
he’s ever wanted and more. Two soulmates, with hearts open to him. Castiel and
Jimmy are offering it, and here he sits, too chickenshit to take it.
“Dean,” Cas says gently. “If you want us both—and I know you do—take us both.”
“But,” Jimmy adds, “if it’s too much for you to handle, we can take a step
back. This isn’t a decision that needs to be made today.”
Dean can’t help but flinch at that. Jimmy meant that Dean doesn’t have to
decide today, but it hits home on his concerns. Today they want Dean. Today
they’re willing to make it work. Aaron and Lydia and Lisa all tied for a while,
too. The twins aren’t promising the future. They’re promising right now. Maybe
he should take it. Better than nothing. Sure, it’d kill him if they ended it
and stayed with each other instead—
“Dean.” The twins are leaning over the table, each with one of his hands in
theirs. Jimmy’s the one who’s talking though. “I love you. That’s not going to
change. When Cas talks about making it work, he doesn’t mean we might get bored
of you. He means navigating a polyamorous relationship.”
“I actually meant more the public side of things,” Castiel corrects. “I’ve had
relationships based solely on sex, before, and… and I may not have wanted to
admit it before, but that’s never quite been what you and I have shared. I have
no doubt you and I-” Jimmy nudges him with his arm. “... and Jimmy will be able
to have a committed, loving relationship with each other. I just don’t know how
we’re going to handle explaining that to people.”
“Oh.” Jimmy seems genuinely surprised by his brother’s response. “I hadn’t
really thought that far ahead…”
“Obviously.” There’s a hint of teasing in Cas’ voice as he continues. “Jimmy
and I have a system worked out to… deflect attention. We’ll have to make some
decisions about that.”
“Dean still hasn’t said what he wants.”
Beautiful blue eyes turn his way, hopeful and expectant but also cautious.
Yeah, they deserve an answer.
“I—” Dean’s mouth is dry so he squeezes the twins’ hands before pulling away
and downing his tea. It’s gone cold by now, but it still soothes his throat. “I
want it,” he confesses. “All of it. Both of you. If you’re offering it… I’ll
take it. I’m terrified you’re gonna realize I’m not worth the effort, or that
you two were better off before I ever came in the picture. Every relationship
I’ve ever had has ended when the other person’s wanted their soulmate.” Then
more quietly, so quietly he half hopes the twins won’t hear him, “I can’t
survive going through that again.”
Cas and Jimmy stare at him for so long he fidgets and wishes he could
disappear. Eventually, Cas turns to his brother. “You were right. If I ever
meet any of the people responsible for breaking Dean’s heart and not letting
him know every day how utterly amazing he is, I’ll rip their hearts out of
their chest.” The fierce protectiveness with which he says it startles Dean and
he nearly misses the rest of what Castiel says. “You are our soulmate. We’re
not going to abandon you—”
“You’re also each other’s soulmates, and you’ve had a good thing going on for
how many years now? Who needs two soulmates when you already got one?”
“I do.” Jimmy answers confidently. “I didn’t know I did until it happened,
never realized I was missing this huge hole in my life, but I was.” He turns to
his brother, putting a hand on his shoulder and squeezing. “I don’t mean that
you weren’t enough for me. You were. But there’s no going back to how things
were. I will never be as happy with one of you as I would be with both.”
“Ditto. I left and… I missed Jimmy. Obviously I missed Jimmy. I was so pissed
off at him though that I could ignore that most of the time. Oh and I wanted to
be angry at you, too. But I could barely manage it. When I was alone at night…
I missed you, Dean. The idea of never seeing you again stung, and it was easier
not to think about it than wonder why.”
Dean lets that sink in. It really is too good to be true, and he starts to
wonder if he’s dreaming or in a coma or maybe the plane to Germany really did
crash and this whole thing’s his own slice of heaven.
Maybe he should go for it. The earnest way the twins are looking at him, the
open affection… They’ve been willing to trust him with their secret. They’re
going out on a limb with him, he owes it to them and himself to do the same.
“Okay. I’m in. Poly-whatever. Let’s do it.” A weight in his chest lifts. It’s
still new and Dean’ll likely take a long long time to feel comfortable with it,
but he’s excited . He’s happy . Nervous, but definitely happy. “Holy shit,
we’re doing this.” He can’t contain the grin on his face or the laughter
bubbling up. Soon he’s outright giggling, reaching for the twins who gladly
jump to their feet and appear on either side of him to kiss his cheeks.
“We are doing this,” Cas whispers in his left ear before settling sucking a
bruise onto Dean’s neck.
“We’re going to take such good care of you.” Jimmy’s fingers run through his
hair, gently massaging. “Would you—would you like us to…?”
“Yes.” Dean swallows thickly and surrenders completely to the twins’ touch. He
doesn’t know or care what he’s agreeing to. “Show me what you got.”
“Ohhhh,” Cas groans, hands tightening their hold on Dean. “We really get to
keep him?”
“I think we do,” Jimmy answers. His hands mirror Castiel’s touch for touch.
There are so many hands, so many points of contact. “You’re ours now, right?”
“Fuck yes. Yes yes yes yes—”
“Then let’s head to the bed…”
“So we can take care of you properly.”
Later Dean will have no recollection of the trip to the bedroom or how their
clothes ended up in a pile on the floor, but he will definitely remember the
warm press of bodies along his front and his back. Their hands explore on their
own, never getting in each other’s way and leaving no part of Dean untouched.
Unlike in the shower, he’s no longer a bundle of nerves. Dean’s relaxed and at
ease and more than happy to let the twins have their way with him.
“What should we do first?” Cas asks. “If I’d known this was where the three of
us were heading, I would’ve prepared. Practiced stretching myself so both of
you could fuck me…” Jimmy gasps, cock twitching where it rests by Dean’s thigh,
and Dean shivers. “But I think that’ll have to wait for another time.”
“Yes. We will definitely be doing that.” Jimmy steals Dean’s lips in a kiss as
he lines up their cocks and thrusts against him. Sparks course through him and
Dean moans, again reminding him that there’s no way on god’s green earth he
could ever get tired of this feeling.
Castiel whines and they both turn their heads to accommodate a third pair of
lips. There’s no good angle for all three of them to kiss at the same time, so
they alternate peppering kisses between one then the other. Back and forth,
shocks trembling through his whole body one second and then the next they make
his toes curl and buzz. He could ride this feeling all the way to orgasm, and
as soon as he thinks that, Jimmy pulls away.
They both lean forward to chase his lips, but he puts a firm hand on Dean’s
chest to hold them back. “Hey uh… could we maybe… there’s something I wanna
try.”
Dean looks over his shoulder to Cas, who shrugs. “Sure. What’d you have in
mind?”
Licking his lips, Jimmy steps forward and grabs Cas’ arm and drags him to the
bed, guiding him into position. “Lie down right—No, scoot down a little. More.
Stop! Perfect.”
Castiel’s lying on his side on the edge of the bed, facing the middle, head
propped on his elbow by the headboard. There are about a million things they
could do with Cas posed like that, and he wonders why Jimmy’s being so
particular about the position.
“Dean, you go… here.” Jimmy motions to the empty space by Cas’ knees. Once
Dean’s knees hit the bed, Jimmy manhandles him into the position he wants. Head
by Cas’ leaking cock, on his side facing the headboard, his feet stretch off
the far end of the bed. “Good boy,” Jimmy praises, running his fingers through
Dean’s hair and then massaging the back of his neck. He tightens his hold and
guides Dean’s mouth to Cas’ crotch. Without a second thought, Dean opens his
mouth and swallows Cas down and relaxing his jaw as Jimmy pushes him deeper,
all the way until his nose brushes against the thick hair curled there.
“You two fucked the other day in this bed, didn’t you?” Dean and Cas both groan
in answer—first Dean, then Cas—and Jimmy’s throat rumbles in satisfaction. “I’m
very disappointed that I missed the show. I’d hoped the next time you two had
sex, I’d at least get to watch . I’ve been dying to see Dean’s mouth on you for
months , Cas, especially with all the stories you told me after Germany. He’d
go on and on about your blowjob skills, Dean, and I was worried he’d oversold
your abilities. I was very pleased that wasn’t the case when I got the chance
to find out for myself.”
Dean preens under the praise, sighing in contentment and doing his best to make
sure Cas enjoys this more than any blowjob he’s given him before. He pulls out
all the tricks he’s learned: changing the pressure, using a hint of teeth,
letting his tongue dip out to lap at his balls while his fingers work his rim.
Castiel and Jimmy, voices so sex rough they’re almost interchangeable, babble
encouragement.
It’s awesome.
Why the hell weren’t they doing this from the start.
At some point, Castiel makes move toward Dean but Jimmy pushes him back.
“You not going to let me sixty-nine him?” Cas motions at the distance between
Dean’s dick and his mouth, and Dean laughs around Cas’ cock as he continues to
suck. “Because I’m pretty sure that’d be worth watching—”
“Another time, definitely, but right now, let me enjoy the view as it is.
Besides, I’ve got other plans.” Dean can hear the sound of skin on skin,
pictures Jimmy hovering at the edge of the bed as he strokes himself. Pleased
to be able to blow Cas and have Jimmy there, so obviously enjoying it, Dean
focuses his attention on what he’s doing. He doesn’t know what more Jimmy has
planned, but he’s content enough in the knowledge that he’ll get to make Cas
come. Maybe Jimmy, too, after—
“Ahh!” he gasps around Cas’ cock, abruptly stopping as warm heat encompasses
his own dick. He twists to get a better view of Jimmy bobbing back and forth,
wiggling his hips closer to his twin’s mouth. Cas shifts and uses what little
leverage he can get without dislodging either Dean or Jimmy and finally gets
Jimmy’s shaft close enough for him to kiss and lick. Jimmy shudders and
swallows around Dean, causing him to moan around Castiel, who in turn grunts in
contentment. Immediately, Cas’ tongue flicks out again before it wraps briefly
around the head. Again, there’s a chain reaction of pleasure circling through
their chain that has all three of them making aborted little thrusts.
“Ohhhh,” Castiel moans. His hands dig into Jimmy’s ass and pull him closer so
he’ll be able to reach more of his cock. “This is such a good idea, holy fuck
Jimmy. Hey, I’ve got an idea. How ‘bout this—the first to make someone come
gets to pick lunch.”
Jimmy tries to pop off and protest (or agree, Dean has no idea, really) but
Cas’ hand holds him in place much like it did last night. “Shhh, don’t worry.
I’m taking care of you. You just worry about Dean.” Once Jimmy relaxes and goes
back to tonguing at Dean’s slit and enthusiastically blowing him, Cas’ hand
moves to pet Dean. “Dean will do the same for me, won’t you, Dean?”
There’s no point in trying to respond; Cas is right, and he’s back to work at
Jimmy’s dick. Every time one of them makes a good move, the other two soon feel
it. It becomes a strange feedback loop, pleasure given earning pleasure back.
There’s a direct give and take, something so equal that it’s ideal for the
three of them. Ideal for Dean, really, to see he’s as much a part of the chain
as either brother. He’s not less, not taking away from what the twins have with
each other, just like Cas isn’t taking away from what he started building with
Jimmy and like Jimmy’s not diminishing what he shares with Cas. They add to
each other’s pleasure, can juggle three people as easily as they did two only
it’s so so much better—
He’s not even embarrassed when he comes first, come spurting into Jimmy’s
waiting mouth and pulling a broken cry from him. Jimmy doesn’t let Dean’s cock
slip out, instead milking him through his orgasm before relaxing and simply
holding him. It takes him a few moments to recover, but then Dean’s back to
focusing on Cas, working toward the final edge of pleasure. The twins come soon
after, barely ten seconds between first Cas and then Jimmy moaning in delight.
They collapse in a pile together, rolling over each other and tangling so
completely Dean might in fact be palming at his own ass. It doesn’t matter,
he’s too blissed out to care whose hand or foot is where, whose mouth is
sucking a hickey on his neck while the other sucks at his sensitive nipples.
 
“We get to do this every day, right?” he says breathlessly as they start to
shift to cuddling.
“Yes,” Castiel answers immediately.
“You two are going to break me with sex,” Jimmy grouses. “I had a hard enough
time keeping up with just Cas and just Dean. My dick’s going to fall off, no
way I can keep up with you two.”
“Not up for the challenge?” Dean teases. “The guy who wanted to have sex on my
balcony not once but three times in one day thinks he can’t handle two
boyfriends?”
Cas perks up at that. “You two had balcony sex? When do we get to do balcony
sex?”
“Like I said,” Jimmy huffs as he starts to extract himself from the bed and
pick through the discarded clothes, “you two are going to kill me from too much
sex. Put that on my tombstone. ‘Here lies James Emmanuel Novak. Cause of death:
His boyfriends fucked his brains out.’”
“I mean, doesn’t exactly sound like a bad way to go.” Dean smiles brightly as
Jimmy sticks his tongue out at him. “Maybe we should get him a card to
apologize.”
“Hmmm,” Castiel says, a mock frown on his face. “Do they make cards like that?”
“Funny you should say that. I know a guy who’d probably be able to make one for
us. ‘Sorry we’re driving you crazy with sex.’”
“How about: ‘Sorry for giving you too many orgasms.’”
“‘Sorry your dick can’t keep up with us.’”
“Yeah, that’s it, that’s the one.”
“I am not making my own apology card!” With a wave of his hand, Jimmy starts
heading out to the living room. “Get dressed.”
“Where are you going?” Cas demands, a hand wandering down Dean’s body to fondle
his balls before he springs off the bed.
Jimmy sticks his head back into the room. “Uh, I was the first to make someone
come. I get to pick lunch. We’re going out for burgers and beer. Then once I’ve
gotten you two drunk, we’re coming back here and gonna start working Cas up to
two dicks because I would like nothing more than to have both of us inside him
at once.” With a wink, Jimmy disappears, whistling as he makes his way out to
find his wallet and keys.
“... I’ve created a monster.”
“‘s okay,” Dean says, placing a comforting kiss on Cas’ cheek just because he
can. “He’s our monster.”
Castiel’s answering smile is so huge and genuine it’s blinding. After
everything, Dean starts to believe they can do this. They can make it work.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Epilogue: One Year Later
Jimmy sings a tune under his breath as he gets ready to close up the shop. He’s
got an hour before anyone’s expected to show up, which will give him time to
push back the aisles of cards and set up the chairs for everyone. Hopefully Cas
will remember that it’s his turn to pick up snacks for the meeting, otherwise
everyone will have to deal with stale chips and flat soda and whatever else
they can scrounge up from the mini-fridge in the back office.
Greetings and Carnations opened this past spring. He and Cas had been doing a
good job so far, if he didn’t say so himself. They were making a meager profit,
but more than anything they were happy. Jimmy got to do whatever cards he
wanted and he got a lot of requests both locally and from their online shop. He
was starting to get a real rhythm going, and hopefully soon he’d be able to
pick up other commissions here and there.
Cas was just happy to not have to wear a suit anymore. (“What’s the point of
not wearing a suit if you’re still going to wear button down shirts and khakis
all the time?” “Because now I don’t have to wear a tie or a jacket.” “You look
hot in a tie, though.” “How about I still let you tie me up with one?” “...
Deal.”) He’d left his boring desk job in a small cubicle and traded it in for a
boring desk job in a small office, but Castiel claims the change in scenery
alone is an improvement. He’s also very fond of the small greenhouse attached
to the back half of the shop. That’s half the reason the office space is so
small; they’d had to renovate and cut the area in half so that there’d be room
for all his flowers.
It’s honestly a dream come true, for both of them, and it’s going better than
either had anticipated. It’s given them the freedom to control their own lives
in a way they haven’t been able to since… ever, really. They’ve gotten to quit
jobs they hate, set their own hours, and make careers out of what would
otherwise be hobbies.
Once he’s gotten the chairs set up in a circle, Jimmy goes to find his phone
where he’d abandoned it by the counter. It blinks red, alerting him to some
missed messages. Smiling already, he unlocks the phone and reads them.
Castiel N (6:01 pm): On my way over, should be there to help set up.
Castiel N (6:27 pm): Running late - almost forgot to get donuts. Be there by 7:
15
Jimmy snorts and shakes his head. Cas had only gone home to shower and change
out of his clothes (they were smelling a little too much like fertilizer after
spending the better part of the day in the greenhouse). Leave it to his brother
to wait until the last minute to head back. He sends a thumbs up to acknowledge
the text, then moves on to the next one.
Dean W (5:38 pm): hey sam wants to tag along that okay?
Dean W (6:15 pm): you didn’t answer but cas said he was fine with it
Dean W (6:18 pm): we’re on the way but lemme know if you’d be more comfortable
w/o him there
Dean’s worry is adorable. And unfortunately not uncommon. A year in and the
twins still have trouble reassuring him at times. He’s always concerned he’s a
bother, like he’s imposing himself on the twins. It’s one of their ongoing
issues that they’re working on. Overall things are good, but Dean’s insecurity
often gets the better of him. If an argument gets too heated, no matter how
mundane the topic, he cringes and shuts down. Intellectually, Dean understands
that the twins love him and won’t leave him, but that doesn’t stop his anxiety
from taking over, telling him he’s not worth the bother and their
relationship’s sure to end any day now. When things get really bad, it takes
both the twins’ showering him with affection, pampering him with love and
kisses until he can work past his insecurities and feel at ease again.
It’s not as though Dean’s issues are the only ones plaguing the three of them.
Castiel’s always had a tendency to be possessive, and sometimes he eyes Jimmy
and Dean’s openly tender touches with jealousy. At first, Jimmy thought it was
because Cas wasn’t used to having to share Jimmy. Now he’s not sure  who  Cas
is actually envious or protective of in those moments; he wants Dean as
fiercely and as passionately as he wants Jimmy, and there are times when he’s
beyond being able to share. It’s usually settled with him riding both of them
in turn while the other watches, unable to join in or speak or do more than
touch himself until Cas says otherwise. Dean’s the one who suggested it,
letting Cas exert some sort of control over them so he regain his composure,
and it’s been a good way to navigate Cas’ possessive streak.
Jimmy’d like to think he’s the most put together of the three of them. That
he’s had no issues adapting to the change in their lives. It’s utter bullshit,
of course, but it still makes him feel better to think he’s doing pretty well.
His issue isn’t insecurity or jealousy or any of that. His issue is  space .
Sometimes having both Dean and Cas around is too much. He needs some of the
autonomy he had before, the privacy that he lost when they added a third person
to their apartment. They’re looking for a bigger space, saving up to get an
actual house, but so far it’s been three grown men stuffed into a two bedroom
apartment, sharing one office, one bedroom, one bathroom. It gets to be too
much sometimes.
Thank god they have the shop now. It’s given him his own space where he can
work on his art without someone constantly looking over his shoulder. And thank
god there’s room up in the front of the shop for his desk, otherwise he’d be
stuck in the back with Cas. He loves his brother, he truly does, but he needs a
place that’s all his own.
Which is why he finds himself here alone on a Friday afternoon. Last night had
been particularly aggravating: all three of them crowded into the kitchen as
Dean made pasta, Castiel did dishes, and Jimmy did his best to make dessert.
Normally he’s fine with elbows knocking together, but it’d been so  loud  and
close . He’d slept on the couch to try and get his head back on right. Both
Dean and Cas had taken the hint, luckily, and not pushed into his personal
space. Cas even spent most of his time at his desk, staying out of Jimmy’s hair
as he took care of customers.
That’s all he needed, a bit of distance to restore his equilibrium, and already
he’s missing his boyfriends’ company. He checks his watch again, happy to know
they should be here soon.
Jimmy N (6:43 pm): Dean it’s fine, Sam’s more than welcome
Jimmy N (6:44 pm): you kno i like Sam
The rest remains unsaid: that he trusts Sam; that he appreciates Sam’s support
and encouragement; that he  wants  Sam to have a chance to attend the meeting
if he’s interested.
Before he can put his phone away, it buzzes in his hand.
Dean W (6:45 pm): thanks Jimmy
Dean W (6:45 pm): (this is Sam btw Dean’s driving atm)
Jimmy N (6:46 pm): oh no my secret’s out that i like you :P
Jimmy N (6:47 pm): now when i tease you, you’ll know i’m just dicking around
Dean W (6:49 pm): dude you’re my brother’s soulmate
Dean W (6:50 pm): i wouldn’t expect anything less
Laughing, he pockets the phone so he can finish getting things ready.
Sam is definitely a good guy. He’s been a rock for Dean through this whole
thing, helping reassure him that the twins were sticking around. Whenever Dean
had a particularly bad day, when his anxiety and paranoia made it impossible
for him to meet the twins’ eye, he’d call Sam. The twins did everything in
their power to help Dean move past his fears that this wasn’t real or wouldn’t
work out, but sometimes he needs to hear it from his brother. Someone with some
distance, who only wants what’s best for Dean, to give their objective opinion
and offer comfort.
That’s not to say he hadn’t been suspicious. When Dean had told him he had not
one but two soulmates, Sam had been understandably skeptical. He’d flown out to
help Dean move, or so he’d said. It was hard to justify flying out to help with
the move considering Jimmy and Cas were both there, plus Dean’s other friends
were willing to lend a hand.
Jimmy’d never gotten the protective brother treatment, though he’d seen Cas
fill that role dozens of times, and it was endearing. It’d taken Sam a few days
to warm up to them, and there was a time when Jimmy worried it’d never happen.
Maybe he had issues with the two soulmate thing or the twin thing or maybe he
just didn’t like them. In the end, Sam came around. He saw how happy Dean was
with them, and yeah he thought it was strange, but he genuinely didn’t care
about the double soulmate thing.
At the time, he also suspected Sam knew about him and Cas. He hadn’t said
anything outright, but there was something in the way he looked at them that
hinted at it. They didn’t talk about it during that first visit—Dean didn’t
want to put too much on Sam too soon—but when the three of them had gone out
west so the twins could meet Jess, they’d sat down together and talked about
it. Sam hadn’t even bothered to appear surprised, instead thanking them for
trusting him and continuing to be the amazing little brother Dean always
claimed him to be.
As amazingly understanding and helpful as Sam was, it made Jimmy’s heart ache
for his mother and his cousins and everyone else they’d had to leave behind.
People who might’ve come around if given enough time.
Not his father though. Fuck him.
Before the bitterness can settle in, the front door opens and the bell rings,
making Jimmy rush back up to welcome whoever’s shown up.
It’s Donna, and Jimmy smiles before pulling her into a hug. Donna’s a regular
in their group, and he’s pretty sure he’d love hanging out with her any day.
She’s so damn sweet and funny, Jimmy’s glad she reached out to them and joined
their group.
After they’d gotten settled, Dean had come up with the idea. He’d said it as a
joke, that there should be a support group for people like them, for the people
in Jimmy’s folder who didn’t fit the traditional soulmate mold. The offhand
comment had stuck with him, and with Dean and Cas’ help they’d put it together.
They started online, trying to gather others with unconventional soulmate bonds
and form a community. They’d made forums and done their best to provide
information and support, as well as keep anonymity for those who needed it.
Somehow, they’d stumbled upon a few others in their area. Cas suggested they
run meetings in the shop, and it’d taken off from there.
Now once or twice a month they gather with other members of the Unconventional
Soulmates Alliance. They talk about their own experiences and concerns, the
struggles they’ve gone through and the nature of their relationship (and yes,
the twins have come out to this group—it’s the only safe space where they’ve
been comfortable doing so, and it’s led to others feeling like they can open up
without fear of judgement). They invite others to do the same, though often
it’s only a few of them who speak up on any given night. But it helps, lets
everyone know they’re not alone and that they’re not broken or wrong.
Take Donna for instance. She and her ex-husband Doug have a broken soulmate
bond. They felt sparks for years, and then they faded away to nothing.
Everyone’s  heard  of this, but no one’s willing to admit it’s happened to
them. Most of the time if it’s brought up, it’s dismissed as, “Well, the sparks
do  get weaker over time. Maybe they just don’t notice they’re still there.”
It’s condescending at best, and Jimmy can only imagine the things people have
said to Donna when she and her husband got divorced. Soulmates just don’t get
divorced, and the condemnation they get for having “thrown away” their bond is
awful.
There are of course the other poly couples, where one or more of the partners
are soulmates with each other. They recently met a trio of kids—Alex, Krissy,
Aiden—that are even more unique: Krissy is Alex’s soulmate, Alex is Aiden’s
soulmate, and Aiden is Krissy’s soulmate. The idea of one-way soulmates isn’t
terribly surprising, but the circular nature of their bonds is what confused
them more than anything else. The three are so young, too, that they’d been
terrified when they’d first shown up. It’d only been Krissy that night, but a
month later Alex had tagged along. Jimmy very much hopes Aiden feels
comfortable enough to join them eventually, and if not, that the girls are able
to provide him with the support he needs to handle this.
They couldn’t be more than seventeen. Barely even found their soulmates and
they’d already found the need for a support group. It pains Jimmy to know that
there are others out there who endured the same sort of shit he and Cas did,
but it only strengthens his resolve to keep up their work here.
They represent the youngest members of the Alliance. There are others: Abbadon
and Michael, soulmates who can’t stand each other (though if Jimmy understands
it correctly, have hate sex constantly); Detectives Victor and Diana, partners
on the force but with no romantic or sexual interest in each other, they’re
what Cas calls platonic soulmates; Gabriel and Kali refer to themselves as “on
again off again” soulmates—their bond literally fluctuates from extremely
strong to so dull it’s barely there, even broken at times.
There’s also the case of Lily and Akobel. They’re platonic soulmates who are
happily married and raising Lily’s daughter together. Hardly unusual given the
nature of their group, until they’d mentioned Ishim. Ishim and Lily are one-way
soulmates, with Ishim obsessively in love with her while Lily feels absolutely
nothing for him in return. It’s very much like the Aiden-Alex-Krissy situation,
except that Ishim doesn’t take too kindly to Lily not returning his affections.
Only Lily and Akobel have shown up at meetings, though Jimmy’s told them time
and time again that if Ishim came, he’d be welcome as well.
Unless of course he starts trouble. Then he’s pretty sure Castiel and Dean
would have no qualms about physically removing him from the premises, and Jimmy
doesn’t want there to be a scene. All the work they’ve done to make this a safe
space could be shattered if some dick showed up, upset enough to cast blame on
others and maybe throw fists if anyone disagreed.
They don’t get a lot of other incestuous pairings, though Jimmy knows for a
fact there’s a couple that’d like to come to the meetings but is too worried
to. Gwen and Christian Campbell contacted Cas months ago, wanting to meet but
scared because of Dean’s involvement. Gwen and Christian are cousins with each
other… and apparently also distantly related to Dean. They don’t mind meeting
with others like them—they were particularly interested in talking to the
twins—but the idea of someone in their family knowing terrified them. Jimmy’d
been doing his best to help provide support for them online and maybe ease Dean
into the whole idea. He doesn’t think Dean would be hypocritical enough to
judge them, but he wants things to go as smoothly as possible for the sake of
Gwen and Christian.
Throughout time, soulmates have come in strange pairings. Different races,
religions, social classes, cultures… All had been dismissed as  wrong  at some
point in history, but eventually enough of them had spoken out and stood up for
themselves that they’d been recognized for what they were. Jimmy hopes that
groups like theirs, raising awareness of the other, lesser-known subsets of
soulmate groups, will help them become accepted, too.
One day, anyway.
Cas arrives in time to set out the refreshments before they get started.
Everyone mingles for a bit, eating donuts and making smalltalk. When Sam and
Dean arrive, Donna whisks Dean away after giving him a big hug, insisting he
come take a look at her car. He shrugs and follows, leaving Sam in the care of
the twins. Sam, bless him, does his best to listen as he meets everyone there.
They can tell he’s not “one of them” but he’s open-minded and polite, so he
fits right in.
Once Dean and Donna reappear, they start the more formal part of the meeting.
They all take a seat, go around and introduce themselves with however much they
feel like sharing that night, and then Jimmy opens the floor for discussion.
“Any questions? Anything anyone wants to talk about?”
A shy hand comes up.
“Hi, Krissy. You had a question?”
“Well, I was just wondering… how you three deal with things publicly? Do you
tell people? Do you tell  everyone ? Do you do it all at once, or ease them
into it?”
“That’s a very good question,” Jimmy says, looking between Cas and Dean to see
if either of them want to answer. They shake their heads and let Jimmy
continue. “That’s obviously something that will vary from relationship to
relationship. Some people are more comfortable being upfront about the nature
of their soulmate bond, while others are more private about their life in
general.
“For us, though, we took a kind of middle ground. Dean and I were already
dating before we found out about him and Cas. We talked about if we wanted to
keep going with that, and not tell people about Castiel’s involvement with us.”
“And that was a no-go for me,” Dean interrupts. “It didn’t seem fair to Cas,
and I didn’t like the idea of having to… police my behavior around him all the
time. I love Cas, I love Jimmy, and I should get to express that, regardless of
who’s around.” He spares an apologetic look to his boyfriends, knowing fully
well that no matter how supportive their friends might be, that’s still a
reality for Castiel and Jimmy. Nothing more than brotherly, platonic touches
unless they’re confident that those around them would be understanding.
“So,” Castiel continues, “we decided on a compromise. Dean would tell everyone
that he’s soulmates with both of us. If people could handle that much, knowing
that Dean was bound to brothers, then we might consider telling them more later
on. If they thought  that  was weird or gross or inappropriate or whatever
else…” Castiel shrugs with nonchalance that might fool those gathered here for
the meeting but that does nothing to fool Jimmy. He knows his brother would
love to give all those people an earful about judging what three consenting
adults do behind closed doors, but every time he’s held himself back, thank
god.
Not that they don’t deserve it, but Jimmy doesn’t think the three of them need
more stress when it comes to that.
“You’d be surprised how easy it is to claim we’re soulmates and have people
hold their tongues, though.” Jimmy shakes his head at the memory of when the
brothers had been caught taking turns making out with Dean at a bar. The  looks
they gotten up until Dean, cheeks flushed and body loosened with alcohol, had
slung an arm around each brother and proudly said they were both his soulmate.
They’d certainly gotten looks after that, but they’d lost some of their
judgemental edge. “When people say they’re soulmates, no one questions it. As
of right now, there’s no way to  prove  it, so they take us at our word.
They’ll mumble under their breath and gives us the stink eye, but they let us
be together publicly to a certain degree.”
“Which is great… but not fair.” Dean gestures to the twins as he adds, “They
don’t get to be together in public unless I’m there as a proxy. Even if they
told people they’re soulmates—which they  are —that’s crossing some arbitrary
line and people don’t buy into it.”
“Isn’t it…” The whole circle turns to Sam. He fidgets nervously, unsure if he’s
allowed to speak up until Dean pats him on the back and motions for him to
continue. “Isn’t it also not fair that people… that they hear the word
‘soulmate’ and  assume  a certain type of relationship. Like, it kinda works in
your favor, but what about Victor and Diana? Or Donna and Doug? It seems unfair
that you guys have to deal with all this… this…” He struggles for the right
word before giving up. “I guess it just sucks that you guys don’t get to live
your life on your own terms without people assuming you’re doing it wrong.”
There are shared looks around the group, a mix of surprise and approval. Even
Dean looks a little taken aback before he beams proudly at his brother. “Aw,
look at Sammy gettin’ it,” he teases while he musses his brother’s hair.
Everyone chuckles slightly, and like that they move on to the next question.
More and more, their lives fall into place. Cas and Jimmy falling in love.
Meeting Dean and adding him to their relationship. Finally opening up their own
business. And now they have Sam’s full support. Jimmy can’t wait to see what’s
next for them, because with the three of them together, he has no doubt it’ll
be amazing.
===============================================================================
Bonus Scene 1:
Cas:  Dean, you okay?
Dean: yeah it’s just sometimes i feel like a third wheel
Cas: I don’t understand why being a third wheel is a problem… tricycles are
incredibly stable, and if you tried to remove any one wheel, the tricycle would
fall over and be useless.
Dean: … that is strangely the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me
Jimmy: … he just fucking called us a tricycle? how the fuck is that sweet? at
least call us something cool like the three musketeers? how the fuck did we end
up as a tricycle?
 
Bonus Scene 2:
Dean: *nervous* so uh we should sit down and talk
Dean: my company wants me to work at their german branch for a year, to learn
how the manufacturers over there do things and
Cas: if you want to go, you should do it
Dean: *smiling* yeah?
Cas: of course. you’d love it and it’d be a good career move for you. and your
company asking you to do it shows they have a lot of trust in you. if you want
to do this, we support you
Dean: and you’d visit…?
Cas: *bitch face*
Dean: *laughs before turning to jimmy* jimmy you’ve been kinda quiet… you okay
with this—?
Jimmy: I’M GOING TO HAVE A HOT EUROPEAN BOYFRIEND!?
Dean: i’m just going to be living in europe, i’m not actually going to  be
european—
Jimmy: DO NOT TAKE THIS AWAY FROM ME DEAN WINCHESTER. HOT. EUROPEAN. BOYFRIEND.
Dean to Cas: … he’s just going to visit me for booty calls isn’t he
Cas: pretty much, yes
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