Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3313295.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/F, F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Castiel/Dean_Winchester, Ellen_Harvelle/Bobby_Singer, Castiel/Zachariah_
      (Supernatural), Naomi/Zachariah_(Supernatural), Jessica_Moore/Sam
      Winchester, Lisa_Braeden/Dean_Winchester, Charlie_Bradbury/Ruby, Jo
      Harvelle/Benny_Lafitte, Castiel/Crowley, Crowley/Meg_Masters, Castiel/
      Uriel, Castiel/Raphael, Castiel/Michael_(Supernatural), Castiel/Lucifer,
      Alastair/Castiel, Castiel/Dick_Roman
  Character:
      Castiel, Naomi_(Supernatural), Zachariah_(Supernatural), Gabriel_
      (Supernatural), Bobby_Singer, Ellen_Harvelle, Jo_Harvelle, Dean
      Winchester, Sam_Winchester, Charlie_Bradbury, Jessica_Moore, Lisa
      Braeden, Ruby_(Supernatural), Garth_Fitzgerald_IV, Benny_Lafitte, Kevin
      Tran, Becky_Rosen, Rowena_(Supernatural), Crowley_(Supernatural), Chuck
      Shurley, Jody_Mills, Meg_Masters_(Human), Uriel_(Supernatural), Raphael_
      (Supernatural), Adam_Milligan, Michael_(Supernatural), Lucifer_
      (Supernatural), Azazel_(Supernatural), Lilith_(Supernatural), Alastair_
      (Supernatural), Dick_Roman
  Additional Tags:
      Child_Abuse, Parent/Child_Incest, Rape/Non-con_Elements, Forced
      Prostitution, Underage_Prostitution, Blood_and_Gore, Graphic_Description,
      Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Depression, Minor_Character_Death, Suicidal
      Thoughts, Heavy_Angst, Smut, Sexual_Abuse, Verbal_Abuse, Alcohol_Abuse/
      Alcoholism, Physical_Abuse, Emotional/Psychological_Abuse, Dark_Past,
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, High_School_Student_Dean, High_School
      Student_Castiel, High_School_Student_Sam, Violence, Blood_and_Violence,
      Past_Violence, Consensual_Violence, Sexual_Violence, Domestic_Violence,
      Work_In_Progress, Gangbang, Slavery, Sexual_Content, Non-Sexual_Slavery,
      Sexual_Slavery, Human_Trafficking
  Series:
      Part 1 of An_Innocent's_Ruin_And_Renewal
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-02-08 Completed: 2015-08-28 Chapters: 36/36 Words: 79882
****** An Innocent's Reparation ******
by BathoryAngel
Summary
     Castiel Novak is a quiet freshman who is heavily bullied and quickly
     earns the reputation for school man-slut. Dean Winchester is the
     mysterious new student in the small town of Lawerence, Kansas with a
     dark past. The two form an instant bond, but after seeing the scars
     on Castiel's wrists, will Dean be able to pull his new friend from
     the darkness of an unhappy past and a home of questionable safety.
Notes
     This is a very dark fic. Lots of abuse, rape, and self-harm. If any
     of these bother you please do not read. I was not nice at all to
     Castiel, there is a lot of graphic rape, abuse, and thoughts of self-
     harm/suicide. You have been warned!!!!
     Note: None of these characters belong to me, I just like to have fun
     with them.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
Castiel Novak stopped outside the front doors of Lawrence High School. It was
just after six, most of the other students wouldn’t arrive for another hour. He
breathed in a deep breath of the warm late summer air before pushing through
the doors and making a beeline for the library, tugging his uncomfortably warm
yet safe tattered old trench coat tighter around him. His father always
believed in keeping up appearances, hence his button-down white collared shirt
and slacks. He knew most of the others would wear tattered jeans and a T-shirt,
but this outfit seemed to please his father. And Castiel lived for pleasing his
father. His outfit also helped hide his scars and bruises, something he
studiously ignored as he absentmindedly rubbed the rope burn adorning his
wrists.
The library was quiet, peaceful just like he liked it. The layout was
unfamiliar to him, being a freshman this was his first year at the school. He
spent the past week studying the map given to them at orientation, memorizing
the fastest routes to his classes, locker, bathrooms, and of course the
library. He quickly found a secluded corner to sink into as he pulled out his
Bible and a journal. His father wanted him to copy the entire book, as he had
him do every year. Never one to disobey, Castiel wanted to start as quickly as
possible. Popping in his headphones and listening to the first few chords of
Bach, he began to write.
The bell rang an hour later, signaling the beginning of the first day of
school. Shoving his work back into his bag, Castiel rose and made his way
quickly towards Biology. He was the first in the class, and immediately picked
a seat in the back corner. Other students began filing in, non-descript in
Castiel’s opinion. It wasn’t until right before the bell rang that anyone
grabbed his attention. Castiel couldn’t help but stare. The near-late arrival
was the most beautiful man he had ever seen. Sandy brown-blonde hair, tan skin,
cocky smile, tight ACDC shirt and ripped jeans with a strange pendant around
his neck and brown leather jacket casually thrown over his shoulder. But it was
the eyes that really captured his attention. They were like sunlight filtered
through a forest of leaves, so green and so kind. The man behind those green
eyes frowned, surveying
 the room to find all the seats filled. All except for one in the far back.
Castiel only realized he was staring when the beautiful man ended up sliding
into the seat next to him. Blushing, Castiel quickly looked down and rubbed
some more at the rope burns just concealed by his trench coat.
“Hey.” The boy smiled at him.
“Hello.” Castiel replied, voice dropping low as he
continued
 to stare down.
“My name is Dean. Dean Winchester. I’m kinda new to town so I don’t really know
anyone here yet.” He said, cheerfully trying to
start_up
 a conversation.
“Castiel Novak.” New, huh? That explained why Castiel didn’t know him. Granted,
he had never bothered to learn the names of anyone, but he definitely would
have known Dean had he seen him before. “Look.” Castiel sighed. “You’re new so
you don’t know, but you really shouldn’t talk to me. You’re fairly attractive
so you could definitely end up quite popular here. Associating with me would
only serve to drag your status here at school down.”
“Wha-“ Dean coughed, blushing himself at the compliment. “Dude. First off,
that’s just weird. Secondly, I think I can choose for myself who to talk to.”
Castiel just shrugged, thankful that the teacher chose that moment to begin the
lesson. Class passed quickly and awkwardly, Castiel doing his best to ignore
the tension at their table as he took notes. The second the bell rang he was on
his feet and flying out of the class. The next few periods passed without
incident. It wasn’t until right before lunch that Castiel had his next
interaction with another student. He had gone to the bathroom, and was just
washing his hands when a group of sophomores walked in.
The first boy was short with thin dark hair and the beginnings of a beard. He
was pale with shifty eyes. The second was dark
skinned
, hair cut nearly to the scalp, and broad shouldered for his age. The last boy
was also dark skinned, but taller and thinner than the other with hair a little
bit longer. The first boy groaned upon seeing Castiel, who instantly froze.
“Damn freshman. Fucking hate them, always getting under our feet.” The first
boy said, puffing his chest out to look older and stronger than he really was.
“Think you’re all grown up now that you’re in high school, don’t you fish?” the
tall one smirked.
“More like fag.” The other laughed.
“You got a point there, Uriel.” The first boy quipped. “Bet this little queer
is just dying to suck off our cocks, aren’t you.” All three of them sniggered,
clustered around Castiel and obscenely grabbing their junk.
Suck my cock, Castiel. That’s an order. It’s what your mother would have done,
that is, if you hadn’t taken her from me.
Numbly, Castiel dropped to his knees before the first boy and started undoing
his belt. All three of them froze, shocked.
“Fucking hell, this little faggot actually wants it, don’t you whore?” the
first boy gasped as Castiel pulled the boys cock out and started sucking him to
fullness.
“Shit.” The tall one said, turning around to lock the bathroom door. Castiel
did everything the boys asked of him. The first boy wasn’t too bad, even
threaded his fingers over Castiel’s scalp soothingly throughout. Castiel barely
had time to swallow before the tall one had dragged him by the hair to his own
cock. The next two were more violent, pulling on him and fucking his face.
Castiel focused on breathing through his nose and shielding his teeth and
really nothing else.
The first boy, Crowley the others called him, watched in amusement while
tucking himself back in. The boy really was enthusiastic, he thought. The only
thing that gave him a pause was when he shot a quick glance down to Castiel’s
pants to see just how much the fag really was enjoying it. Crowley frowned. The
boy was as soft as a baby inside those slacks of his. Red flags were raging
inside his head, but Crowley shoved them down. After all, the boy was good at
what he was doing.
“Thanks, fag.” Raphael, the tall one smirked before Castiel stood and fled the
bathroom, still wiping cum off his lips. Crowley frowned after him for a moment
before returning his attention to the reason they came here in the first place.
Namely, the urinals.
Castiel practically ran to the library, feeling tears starting to form.
Angrily, he wiped his eyes. His father would be furious if he found out. He
liked to save Castiel for himself and those he deemed Castiel was “worthy” of.
But Castiel was used to obeying, and their gestures had made it obvious what
they wanted of him. Hiding away in what he now referred to as ‘his’ corner, he
pulled out a sandwich and scarfed it down. It was the first food he had had in
nearly three days. Afterwards, he went back to work on copying the Bible,
feeling the tension wind out of his body. When the bell rang, he hurried to his
next class, English. Already, he felt the stares and whispers as word about
what he did in the bathroom spread rapidly.
Again, Castiel made his way to the back of the class, keeping his eyes trained
on the ground. It wasn’t until a chair scraped back next to him that he looked
up.
“We really have to stop meeting like this.” Dean Winchester smirked as he sat
next to him.
“Hello Dean.” Castiel blushed. Dean smiled, eyes lighting up. “Hey man, you
left so fast from first period I didn’t get a chance to ask. Your name is such
a mouthful, is it cool if I just call you Cas?”
Castiel frowned. “You still want to talk to me? In case you missed it, I’m not
exactly popular.”
“Doesn’t matter. Still, is it okay to call you Cas?”
“Of course Dean.” Cas felt his voice crack.
“Hey fag.” The boy in front of them turned and sniggered. “Heard you give
amazing head. Wanna suck me off in the bathroom too after class?”
“Shut the fuck up, you perverted bitch.” Dean snarled. The boy looked startled,
and quickly faced back to the front.
“Jackass.” Dean glowered before turning a confused face on Castiel. “What was
that about Cas?”
“Nothing.” He answered too quickly. Dean wasn’t convinced, but let it drop.
“Didn’t see you at lunch.”
“I ate in the library.”
“Oh.” Dean frowned. “Look, if you want to, you can eat with me tomorrow.I sit
with Sam, my brother, Jo, my adopted sister, and her boyfriend Benny. Charlie
too, my other adopted sister, once she starts going to school. She’s at home
sick right now.” Dean rambled on. “I mean, there’s plenty of room for you if,
you know, you wanted to eat with us.”
“Thank you Dean. I’ll consider it.” Cas almost smiled before the teacher ran in
and started class. “Shit. I mean shoot. Sorry I’m late, had a little mishap
with the coffee maker in the teacher’s lounge.” The teacher looked frazzled to
say the least. He dropped his papers on the desk before reconsidering and
scooping up most of the stack to shuffle around some more. “Anyways, um-“ He
coughed before continuing. “My name is Chuck Shurley and I will be teaching you
English this year.” Cas smiled. Already, he could tell he would like this
class.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     Still dark, still lots of abuse but not even close to the heart of it
     yet. I promise many more chapters to come in the near future. I'll be
     switching back and forth between focusing on Castiel and Dean chapter
     by chapter. Still not edited and still not complete, so bear with me
     as this story unfolds. Any errors you find, just let me know and I
     will fix them first chance I get. Enjoy!
Dean kept glancing at the boy next to him. He couldn’t help it. It was those
eyes, so blue and so innocent. The boy, Cas, had pale skin and an almost
startling thin frame. His dark hair was in perfect contrast to his complexion,
and did everything for those beautiful eyes. Not to mention how sex-tousled his
short locks always seemed to be.
Dean shook his head. New school, new life and all that. No need for old bad
habits to resurface. The kid seemed so damn sweet. Dean didn’t want to drag him
into the shit that was his life. The class passed by too quickly, and Cas ran
out as fast as he had the first period. Shaking his head, Dean did his best to
clear images of that blue-eyed angel from his mind. He did an almost convincing
job of it, forcing his mind not to wander for the rest of the day. It wasn’t
until he was on his way to his car that he ran into Cas again.
Two boys were on either side of Castiel, who was lying on the ground curled
into as small of a ball as he could make while the boys kicked and kicked and
kicked. “Faggot!” one of them yelled in time with a particularly brutal blow.
Dean flinched just hearing it. Cas didn’t even seem to feel the pain, just
taking everything with a tense sort of acceptance.
“Hey!” Dean yelled, dropping his bag and running forward. There was already a
small crowd formed that he had to fight through to reach them.
“Stay out of this new kid.” The other boy said. “After all, this little cock-
whore has it coming. First day and already he’s sucking guys off left and right
like the little slut he is, aren’t. You. Queer.” He enunciated each word with a
kick.
“Enough!” Dean shouted, pushing forward to pin the two to the wall easily. They
stared up at him with wide eyes. “Either of you touch him again, and I’ll make
what you just did to him look like a walk in the fucking park. Understand?”
They nodded frantically. “Good.” Dean growled. “Now get the fuck outta here.”
They hurried to comply as Dean helped Cas up. “You alright?” Dean asked as
gently as he could, picking up both his and Cas’ backpack before herding him to
his car.
“Fine.” Cas breathed, both arms protecting his midsection, shaking only
slightly with a trickle of blood running from his nose. The thing that scared
Dean the most though was how emotionless the boy seemed. No visible pain. Or
anger. Or fear. Just nothing. Dean shivered, aching for how much Cas must be
hurting right now. Not just now, but the amount he must have had throughout his
life to be used to it.
“We should get you looked at. Could have bruised ribs or something.”
“I’m fine Dean.” Some color returned to his cheeks, but it was wrong. All
wrong. Cuz Dean could swear that was shame, something Cas definitely shouldn’t
be feeling now. “Besides-“ Cas interrupted Dean’s train of thoughts. “My father
has a family doctor on call who can come over if I worsen.”
They had reached the car, and Dean opened the back door to throw both their
bags in. Cas looked startled. “I can walk Dean.”
“Dammit Cas! You just got the shit beat out of you. No way are you walking. Not
on my watch.” Dean wrenched open the passenger door and gently eased Cas
inside, who thankfully had stopped protesting. That might be because the change
in position definitely sent flares of pain shooting through him, if the
tension, his sudden focus on breathing, and the complete hurt written on his
face were anything to go by. Dean hurried to his side and turned the car on to
crank up the AC.
They sat there for a few minutes before Cas started to ease back in the seat,
breathing less harsh but still hitching every so often. Of course that’s when
Sam would show up.
“What the hell man? Not even gonna let your brother ride shotgun home on his
first day of high school?” He said jokingly, sliding into the back seat. His
face had one of those stupid grins plastered across it. That is, until he saw
the state of the current occupier of his usual seat. “What the-Dude are you
okay?!?”
“Sam, Cas. Cas, this is my little brother Sam.” Dean barked, putting the car in
reverse and backing out. “Saw some guys beat the shit out of him and wasn’t
about to let my friend walk home like that.”
At first, Cas seemed guilty about taking Sam’s seat, even had a ‘Sorry’ on the
tip of his tongue before Dean had cut him off. Now, he just stared in awe at
those green eyes focused on the road.
“Friend?” Cas breathed, like he couldn’t believe it. Dean flushed, muttering,
“Yeah. Man, I mean, if you want me to be.” Scratching the back of his neck in
an attempt to hide the blush.
“I would like that very much.” Cas smiled reverently. Dean coughed. “Great.
Now, how do I get to your house?”
The car ride passed in a hushed sort of silence, Castiel muttering directions
as they went. Dean could hear the slight wheezing, his friend flinching with
every breath. Dean had no doubt that there were at least two or three bruised
ribs, if not more. The nose bleed had mostly stopped, but blood still streaked
his lips and chin. There was a small bruise forming on his cheek, not quite
worthy of an epic black eye, but still pretty bad. Dean reached over and opened
the glove compartment, shuffling around through it until he found what he was
looking for. “Here.” He said gruffly, handing over a wad of napkins to Castiel.
“Thank you.” The boy replied quietly, wiping away some of the partially-dried
blood.
“Why weren’t you fighting back, man?” Dean couldn’t help but ask. After all, he
got his ass beat quite a few times but always tried to give as good as he got.
Cas didn’t answer, just looked at him with that expression that said to stop
asking stupid questions. Sam cleared his thought, passing up a bottle of water.
Castiel thanked him and wet the napkins to better clean his face before downing
half the bottle in one go. He closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat,
looking so tired.
When they finally arrived at the house, Dean wasn’t sure what to do.
“Hey man, I mean I think someone should watch you. Make sure you don’t pass out
or anything before your Dad gets home.”
“I’ll be fine Dean.” Cas grumbled, grunting as he pushed the door open and all
but fell out of the car. Luckily, Sam had already climbed out and was there to
steady him. Dean stepped out as well, briskly jogging around the car to support
the smaller boy as they made the short walk to the front door, Sam just behind
them carrying Cas’s bag. Castiel fished the keys out of his pocket, but dropped
them before he could open the door. Dean bent to retrieve the keys and helped
Cas inside. The house was cold, and not just temperature wise. There was only
one picture on the walls, a large family portrait featuring a much younger Cas
and a few others Dean didn’t recognize. There was an older boy and a younger
girl, both smiling widely. Castiel’s parents looked happy and welcoming, arms
wrapped around their children. Dean didn’t get that vibe from the house though.
It seemed empty, like it had been sanitized of anything resembling what a home
should be.
“Thank you Dean. I’ll be fine from here.” Cas shoved away to lean on the wall,
weakly reaching out for his bag. He wouldn’t meet either of their eyes. Dean
would have offered to help Cas to his room, but he got the distinct feeling Cas
didn’t want them there. So he gestured for Sam to hand over the bag and they
left with a quiet, “See you tomorrow Cas.”
The brothers rode home in silence, both lost in thought. Dean had no idea how
long Cas had been bullied, but it had to be awhile for the boy to have no fight
left in him. The blank expression kept popping up every time Dean closed his
eyes. It was like he friend was there, but wasn’t at the same time. He had
never seen anyone look like that before. And it scared the shit out of him.
“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Sam broke the quiet.
“I don’t know Sammy.” Dean replied, noting Sam didn’t even try to protest the
use of Dean’s nickname for him. “I just don’t know.”
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     Back to Cas! And we finally get to meet Dean's family!!! Read the
     tags, and if you feel any of them would bother you, then DO NOT
     READ!!! This fic gets really, really dark before the end!!!
                Zachariah, Castiel’s father, was not pleased when he arrived
home to find the state Cas was in. Nevertheless, he called Michael, who
immediately came over. Michael tsked over his injuries as he cleaned and
bandaged them. “Making friends already, I see.” Michael sneered, finishing off
the last of the dressing. Castiel barely hid the smile, because all he could
think of was that, yes, he did have a friend now.
                “You pulled me away from a family dinner, Zachariah.” Michael
addressed his father, all business. “I expect compensation.”
                “Of course. I’ll schedule you in for this weekend.” Zachariah
didn’t look too happy about it though.
                “I was thinking something more immediate than that.” Michael
stood so his crotch was inches in front of Cas’ face where he still sat on the
couch. The beginnings of a bulge were obvious from the close proximity. Cas
looked up at Michael, then his father, asking silently what they wanted of him.
                “Go ahead. Nothing more than oral, though. Brat does have
school tomorrow.” Zachariah casually waved his hand toward Michael in
permission before going to grab a beer from the kitchen. Cas sighed. If his
father was drinking that meant it would be a long night for him. It was only
the first day of school, but that hadn’t stopped the teachers from giving
homework. And a drunk father led inevitably to a horny father. Michael cupped
Castiel’s face and gently pulled him closer, reminding him of the task at hand.
Dutifully, Castiel raised his hands to Michael’s belt and went to work on him.
                The next day Cas winced as he sat down in first period. His
father had forgotten about school after he got drunk. Forgot the lube and to
prep Castiel too, but that was nothing new. The only good thing was that he
could blame the soreness on his ass beating yesterday. After all, Castiel
didn’t really have many friends, but he knew that he did not want anyone
finding out what he did at night. After all, it revolted Castiel, he could only
imagine what the others would think of him.
                Dean sat next to him, friendly smile plastered to his face. It
made Cas want to cry. After all, he was dirty. Broken. A murderer. And Dean was
nice, too kind to him. Absentmindedly, Cas picked at the scabs on his arm. He
had seen someone doing it in middle school, crying in the bathroom with blood
running down his arm. At Castiel’s inquisitive head tilt, the boy had sniffed
and said, “It helps with the pain.” Before fleeing the bathroom. And he had
been right. It did help with the pain.
                “What’s up Cas?” Dean smiled warmly.
                “Hello Dean.” Cas replied flatly, shifting awkwardly to find a
position in the unforgiving plastic seats that didn’t send sharp bolts of pain
flashing inside him.
                Dean’s smile faltered as he took in the black eye and grimace
of pain. But he seemed determined to try and cheer Castiel up. “You look
terrible.” Came out instead.
                Cas smiled, small but there. “I gathered that much.” And Dean
laughed, really laughed with eyes crinkling and all. “Hey man, you doing
anything after school? Cuz I didn’t have any plans or anything and was, uh,
wondering if you wanted to hang out or whatever, I mean, if you want and all
and-I’ll shut up now.” A slight blush had crept up Dean’s face, possibly from
embarrassment, more likely from the lack of breath as he had rushed it all out
as quickly as possible.
                “I would have to check with my father first.” Cas hesitated. So
here it was. Dean was like all the rest, he just wanted to take Castiel in the
privacy of his own home instead of the bathroom like the other boys. Perhaps
buttering him up to get more out of him. He didn’t need to though. Castiel
always did as he was told.
                “Great.” Dean smiled. “We could just hang out at my house-“
                I knew it. Cas thought sadly.
                “-or, you know your house, or wherever. One of the perks of
having a car after all.” Dean winked.
                “How do you have a car, Dean?” Cas finally thought to ask,
yesterday he had been too distracted. After all, as far as he knew, freshmen
didn’t drive.
                “Oh, that.” Dean chuckled. “Long story, basically I should be a
junior now, fell back a bit on school is all.” He frowned, not comfortable with
the subject.
                The bell rang and class started, Cas diving into his notes with
the fervor of a true scholar. Dean smiled again, chuckling as he turned his
attention to his notes as well.
                The rest of the day passed quickly. Castiel had changed his
bathroom schedule and even the bathroom he used. But it seemed that Uriel and
Raphael had been following him in hope of a repeat performance. Crowley was
nowhere to be seen, but they had brought friends. The five boys circled Cas,
blocking his exit. He left with eyes mercifully dry, heading quickly to the
class he was already late for. He didn’t even get a chance to eat.
                Luckily, the teacher was late again. Cas breathed a sigh of
relief when he saw Dean wasn’t there either. Time for one quick cut under the
desk. After all, no one ever really noticed him. Well, apparently everyone
except for Dean. The razor was just being returned to his pocket when Dean slid
next to him, breathless. Castiel held a careful mask of nothingness on his
face, not trusting his emotions at the moment.
                Cas spoke before Deans concern could make itself known. “I
called my father after first period. He will be out of town for business for
the night, so it would be fine if I spent the evening with you Dean.” It was
only a half lie. He had called his father, and his father had told him of the
last minute business trip. But Castiel had conveniently forgotten to mention
Dean to him.
                “ Great!” Dean beamed, concern pacified for the moment. Cas
kept his left wrist carefully hidden beneath the desk. He knew the trench coat
he wore covered the blood slowly dripping down towards his palm, but he had cut
a bit deeper than he meant to and didn’t want it soaking through. Mr. Shurley
chose that moment to grace the class with his presence, and Cas was once again
saved an awkward conversation with Dean. He was starting to regret his choice,
but it wasn’t like he could be picky with friends. And even though he wanted to
push Dean away with everything inside of him, he wanted to hold onto him even
more. Kindness was something he found lacking more than not in his life.
                The rest of the day was a blur, and the next thing Cas knew he
was walking towards his smirking friend as he leaned against his car.
                They went to Dean’s house. Well, his Uncle Bobby’s house.
Apparently his first wife was good friends with Dean’s mom, practically
sisters. She died around the same time that Dean’s mom passed. Cas didn’t push
for details on either account. Ellen was Bobby’s wife now, and both of them
were Dean and Sam’s adopted parents. Jo was Ellen’s daughter and Charlie was
adopted as well. Jo was Dean’s age and actually a junior, whereas Charlie was a
year older than Sam but was a freshman with them. Sam was some sort of freaky
genius who was a freshman as well, but his strictly AP class-filled schedule
kept him in separate classes from Charlie, Castiel, and Dean. Charlie would be
in a few of their classes as well, but a well-timed case of mono kept her from
starting school for another week.
                All this Cas learned on the ride to their house, a large
slightly rundown building on the edge of the suburbs that was also home to
Singer Salvage Yard. Dean loved cars and helped out Bobby where he could. The
car they were riding in now was a ’67 Chevy Impala and Deans ‘Baby’ as he
fondly referred to it, rubbing the dashboard a bit in affirmation. Castiel had
to admit he was pretty nervous. It had been years since he had been to someone
else’s home.
                Jo arrived just before them, riding with her boyfriend Benny
Laffite who had promised the family his famous gumbo for dinner. An often
occurrence, if Sam’s snorted “Again?” were anything to go off of.
                “What about you Cas? Got a big family too?” Dean asked,
climbing out of the car.
                “It’s just me and my father now. My brother, Gabriel, is off to
college and my younger sister Anna is at boarding school. My father’s brother,
Lucas, visits every month or so. He lives one town over. Naomi, my mother, died
when I was seven.”
                Both brothers froze. “Shit.” Sam breathed eyes wide. “I m-mean,
I’m sorry man. Our mom died in a fire when I was just a baby. Dean was four. I
can’t remember her but-“
                “Sam!” Dean cut off his brother rambling. Castiel already knew
that she was gone, but he figured it wasn’t a good time to be given the whole
story behind it.
                “It’s okay.” Cas shrugged. “After all, it was my fault really.
Gabriel and his friends were swimming in the river. I knew the current was
strong and I wasn’t the best swimmer at the time, but I jumped in anyways. It
was fine for awhile, but then I started struggling and drifted too far away
from the other boys. Everything was chaos, I was swallowing water, next thing I
know I’m being pushed onto a rock. My mom had jumped in after me. She was
pushed under when she heaved me up, and hit her head on a rock. They found her
body over a mile downstream.”
                Now both Dean and Sam seemed to have their eyes jumping out of
their sockets. Luckily, they were saved awkward replies by Ellen. “You boys
just going to stand on the front porch gawking at each other all night?”
                Dean coughed. “Right, sorry. Ellen, this is Cas. Cas, Ellen.”
                “Nice to meet you Cas.” Ellen smiled. “Hope these boys here
didn’t do that too you.” Her smiled faltered but stayed firmly planted as she
gestured towards his black eye. “That’s quite a shiner you got there boy.”
                “Uhm, some boys and I had a…disagreement. Dean saved me.”
                “Disagreement?” Dean snorted. “Those douche bags were going
full on Rocky on your ass. C’mon, let’s go in.” Ellen nodded, muttering, “Bout
damn time.” Before turning and striding towards the kitchen, followed closely
by the three apparently starving boys. Castiel looked around in awe. This was
nothing like his house. It wasn’t exactly dirty, but at his house his father
expected a heavenly level of cleanliness at all times. Even when he beat
Castiel so bad there was blood splattered everywhere he always demanded that
his son clean it. After all, he was the one who really needed the practice.
“Your soul is tainted, Castiel. I only hope one day you can clean the filth
from it.” Zachariah always sad this with his sad, practiced smile. The one
Castiel knew meant he didn’t believe it would ever be possible.
                Another difference was the atmosphere. It was light and warm
and welcoming. It screamed home in all the ways Castiel only knew from memories
before the river. And with every passing year, they faded that much more. Jo
was laughing, nuzzled up to Benny while he prepared the ingredients for dinner.
                “Just rub it in, why don’t you.” Charlie, Cas surmised,
grumbled as she flopped down at the kitchen table with The Hobbit book inches
from her face.
                “It’s my fault you decided it would be a good idea to suck face
with Ruby-fucking-Faye.” Jo shot back.
                “Did a bit more than just make out.” Charlie smiled with a sly
smirk.
                “Great, now I need to bleach my brain.” Sam grumbled to
everyone’s amusement. Cas stood in the kitchen doorway, just taking the scene
in. “C’mon man.” Dean clapped his shoulder, making Castiel jump. “Everyone,
meet Cas.”
                “Hey Cas.” Jo smiled.
                “Badass eye, dude.” Charlie grinned.
                “Nice to meet you, brother.” Benny drawled.
                “What the hell happened to you, kid?” A burly man sitting at
the far corner of the kitchen table asked. Castiel hadn’t realized he was
there, too busy watching the teenagers banter back and forth to notice the
until now silent figure.
                “Some asshole students apparently.” Ellen answered for Cas,
bending down to kiss Bobby, Cas guessed, before heading to the fridge for beer.
                “Damn shame, kids nowadays. If I hear of any of you doing
something like that-“ Bobby leveled everyone with a glance before continuing.
“-then I’ll kick your ass into next year. Got it?”
                “Yes sir.” Everyone replied pleasantly before Dean made his way
to the cabinet for snacks.
                “Popcorn good?” he held up the box for Cas to inspect. Castiel
frowned even as his stomach gave a grumble, reminding him of his missed lunch.
                “But won’t that ruin our appetite?” Everyone laughed.
Chuckling, Ellen said, “Believe me. With Benny here cooking, that’s not
something you need to worry about. I’ve never seen anyone pass on seconds, no
matter how full they are.”
                “Now wonder you’re so skinny!” Bobby exclaimed. “Growing boys
gotta eat. None of this appetite crap.”
                “Yes sir.” Castiel seriously replied, bowing his head slightly.
After all, this was Bobby Singer’s house, and that made his word law if it was
anything like Castiel’s home.           
                “Dude, lighten up. No need to be nervous here.” Sam smiled at
him. “Go on, sit down while we get the popcorn ready. Popcorn is alright,
right?”
                “It sounds perfect.” Castiel smiled, hesitating before sitting
down. “But I should help you.”
                “No way man. You’re a guest.” Dean smiled, grabbing three bags
from the box. Castiel winced slightly as he sat. Charlie looked up from her
book with a knowing smirk before returning to Bilbo being, well, a kickass
Hobbit. She had enough gay friends throughout the years to know what the day
after looked like for bottoms.
                “I was thinking we could watch a movie. Your choice.”
                “I don’t know many movies, Dean.” Cas replied.
                “What?” Everyone seemed to snap their gaze to Cas, who shifted
uncomfortably. “Yes. I watch documentaries every now and then but really
nothing else.” Castiel tentatively fiddled with his sleeves, a blush creeping
up his face. He knew other kids watched movies, hell Gabriel had gone every
weekend when he was still home. But Zachariah disapproved of them in his house
and Castiel hadn’t exactly had anywhere else to go to watch them.
                “Wait. You mean you’ve never seen Star Wars. Or Lord of the
Rings. Or Harry Potter. Or, well, anything awesome?” Charlie seemed to take
this as a personal insult. “Oh we are so watching Star Wars tonight. Just let
me finish this chapter and I’ll meet you guys upstairs.”
                No one objected, so Sam pulled out his homework to work on
while Charlie continued reading. Once the popcorn was done, Cas and Dean headed
upstairs to his and Sam’s room. Dean set the popcorn on what could only be
Sam’s desk before popping the disk for what he explained was the fourth but
really the first Star Wars into the DVD player. The beds were simple, with a
closet next to the door and a bed stand separating the two sides of the room.
The TV was strategically located equally in both halves. What could only be
Deans side of the room was covered in posters of cars, bikini clad girls, and
classic rock posters. Sam’s side was a bit more reserved, the posters all
something you would think of seeing in a classroom. There was an overflowing
bin of dirty laundry in the corner and a dresser with a collection of knives
and guns in a glass case on top of it. Other than that, there weren’t really
any other personal touches.
                Dean grabbed the popcorn and plopped down onto his bed. “C’mere
man.” He smiled. Frowning Castiel stepped forward. They didn’t have much time
before Sam and Charlie joined them. Dean’s smile froze on his face as Cas sank
down between his legs. When he reached for the belt though Dean finally sprang
into action. “Cas, what the fuck!” He slapped his hands away and scooted back
onto the bed, putting more distance between them.
                “What’s wrong Dean? I thought that was why you asked me here?”
Castiel frowned.
                “No, man! Why would you even think that?” Dean seemed entirely
too freaked out for the situation in Castiel’s humble opinion.
                Cas shrugged. “It’s the only reason anyone wants me for.”
                Deans panicked face softened. “Cas, this isn’t how friends
work. Friends hang out just to hang out. No strings attached. Got it?” He
clearly wanted to say more, but couldn’t come up with the words for it.
                “I understand.” Castiel nodded, blushing again. There it was.
Friends. Dean actually wanted to be friends with him.
                “Good.” Dean coughed. “Now get up here man.” He patted the spot
next to him. Cas climbed onto the bed and accepted the popcorn Dean offered, a
respectful distance between them. They sat in silence a moment, the crunch and
squeak of popcorn the only noise to be heard. Finally, Dean quietly asked. “So
it’s true then. You really do, you know, in the bathroom?”
                “Yes.”
                “You shouldn’t do that for those assholes. You deserve better,
Cas. Don’t let them just use you like that.”
                Charlie and Sam chose that moment to make their appearance,
causing the boys to quickly sit up and put the conversation on hold. “Ready?”
Charlie smiled, snapping the remote up and pressing play. Castiel paid devout
attention throughout the whole film and found he actually enjoyed it quite a
bit. But in the back of his mind, he couldn’t stop thinking about Deans words.
You deserve better. No, Cas thought bitterly, I really don’t.
                Dinner was as delicious as promised, and for the first time in
his life, Castiel got seconds. When Ellen found out Cas was going back to an
empty house, she said she ‘Wasn’t hearing any of this nonsense’ and that’s how
Cas ended up in the bathroom changing into some of Deans pajamas. He had taken
awhile looking for a long sleeve shirt suitable for sleeping and ended up
settling on a hoodie. Both that and the pants he chose were a bit big, but they
would do for the night. His cloths were put in the wash so they would be clean
for school tomorrow, and upon Sam’s insistence, he and Dean sat on the bed and
got to work on their homework.
                It was a comfortable sort of silence, filled with nothing but
the scratching of pens on paper. Halfway though his algebra, he grew tired of
the long sleeves snagging on his pencil and smearing his work. With a sigh of
exasperation, he pushed the sleeves up to his elbows and went back to work. It
was another few seconds before he realized Dean had stopped writing. Looking
up, Castiel saw those green eyes trained on his arms and a serious frown
pulling Dean’s eyebrows together.
                Shit.
 
 
 
***** Chapter 4 *****
Dean tried to count all the scars and scabs, he really did. But somewhere after
30 on only one arm he gave up. What the hell. Seriously. What the fucking hell.
He knew that Cas was bullied and that he had problems and all but still, he
never would have thought that the guy was doing this to himself. Cas looked up.
He knew that Dean saw. The one cut grating Dean the most was the fresh one, the
one that couldn’t have been more than a few hours old. Frowning deeper, Dean
realized that his friend was still feeling this when he had been with him
today. Hell, he had probably done it at school.
                Cas’ hands automatically went to his sleeves, trying to hide
the scars again. Without thought, Dean’s hand flew out to stop him. “Cas, why-“
                “I’m tired, Dean.” Castiel interrupted him.
                “But Cas-“
                “Dean!” Castiel shouted, ending the conversation before angrily
shoving his sleeves down and cramming his homework back into his bag. “I’m
going to bed now.” He slid from the bed to the sleeping bag they had pulled out
for him, effectively ending the conversation by rolling on his side and yanking
the cover over his head.
                “Alright.” Dean shakily said. “Goodnight, Cas”
                “Goodnight Dean.” Came the muffled reply from the floor. Dean
sat there a few minutes longer staring at the prone form on the floor before
putting his own homework away and turning off the lights. Sam came in about an
hour later. Both Dean and Castiel pretended to be asleep, but neither of them
got much shut eye that night.
                Dean couldn’t get those arms out of his mind. It wasn’t just
the scars, although the kid clearly had to be going through some serious shit
to do that to himself. But it wasn’t just that. Dean had been with quite a few
chicks in his young life, and some of them liked it kinky. He knew rope burns
when he saw them. And granted, they were faded, but still there. He remembered
the rumors, the way Cas acted. Dean wondered how many douche wads had used his
newfound friend. How many of them liked tying the poor boy up and taking what
they wanted. Dean decided right then and there, he was going to teach Cas how
to stand up for himself. After all, if anything Dean had learned in his shitty
life, this was definitely something worth passing on.
                They woke up late the next morning and rushed through morning
routines so they would get to school on time. “Here you go, Cas.” Sam said,
setting his clean and neatly folded cloths on the bed. Of course the nerd would
have already been up and ready.
                “Thank you.” Castiel scooped the cloths up and made for the
bathroom. “Hey, no way man! I need in there to brush my teeth.” Dean exclaimed.
                “Oh.” Cas stopped awkwardly with arms full of laundry and
looked around confused. Dean finished up on his laces and stood. “Just change
in here man.” He smiled walking across the hall to the bathroom. Castiel looked
fearfully at Sam, still in the room. “Its fine man, nothing I haven’t seen
before.” Sam smiled. Still he hesitated, setting the cloths down again.
“Alright. It’s just, uh, well would you mind stepping out of the room for a
moment?” Castiel blushed. Shit, the scars. Dean realized.
                “O-kay?” Sam gave him a look before grabbing his bag and
heading downstairs. Cas shut the door, not meeting Deans eyes. By the time Dean
finished up and went back to his room, he was done getting dressed. “Ellen got
an extra toothbrush out for you.”
                “Thank you.” Cas briskly walked by and Dean straightened up a
bit before heading downstairs together. They grabbed a few slices of toast and
made their way to the car. Jo rode to school with them, cheerful yet awkward
conversations starting up and stopping the whole ride. Once they made it to
school, everyone scattered to their respective classes.
                “Hey Cas, can I talk to you?” Dean grabbed his arm before he
could hurry off.
                “Of course, Dean.” Castiel shuffled uneasily.
                “Listen man, I meant it last night. You shouldn’t let anyone
use you. And I know it might be hard getting them to understand that no means
no now and all so I was thinking-well. I mean, you see I’m a great fighter. And
if you wanted to I was thinking that um, I could teach you some self defense.
You know, if you want. Could help with the bullying too.”
                “Self defense?” Cas frowned. “But-“
                “C’mon man, just say yes. It’ll make me feel better knowing you
can protect yourself while I’m not there.”
                “Okay.” Cas briefly smiled.
                “Great!” Dean beamed. “Today after school?”
                “Sounds like a date.” Cas smirked. After all, his father
wouldn’t be home until late tonight.
                “Yeah, whatever.” Dean chuckled as they moved towards the front
doors. The day passed well enough. Dean made a habit of going out of his way to
trail Cas to his classes. No bathroom incidents were going to happen on his
watch. Castiel even ate with them, and went so far as to laugh at a few of his
jokes. After school, they all headed back to his house. After a quick snack and
“hellos” and “back agains” all around, Dean and Cas changed and headed into the
backyard. Dean wore a T-shirt and workout pants, while Castiel grabbed up
another hoodie.
                “You’re gonna burn up in that man.”
                “I’ll be fine, Dean.” And Dean let it drop at that.
                They spent about an hour, Dean going over the proper way to
punch, where to aim the throws at, and a little bit of basic grappling. Smiling
and covered in dirt and sweat, they headed back in to shower and change.
                “You sure you don’t want to stay for dinner?” Ellen asked as
they headed out.
                “Thank you but no. My father gets back in tonight and I’m sure
he will want some home-cooked food waiting for him.”
                “You cook, man?” Dean stopped. God, why did that seem so hot?
                “Yes, ever since my mother died I’ve taken over a bit of the
cooking and cleaning in the house.” Well, all of the cooking and cleaning. But
they didn’t need to know that.
                “Wow, real housewife, aren’t you?” Dean winked.
                Cas shrugged, smiling sadly. “I suppose.” Ellen gave him a hug
goodbye and a smiled ‘See you soon, kid’ before Dean lead him to the car. As
soon as they were on the road, Dean brought up the subject that he had been
avoiding all day. “So, cutting huh?”
                Castiel briefly tensed before relaxing again, accepting that
this was a conversation Dean was going to make him have. “Yes.”
                “Yeah, but, why man?”
                “It makes the pain go away.” Cas shrugged, as if it wasn’t a
big deal.
                “You, uh-“ Fuck, this was hard, Dean thought. “You want to kill
yourself?” Dean’s voice dropped.
                “No.” Castiel frowned. “That would be quick and easy. I don’t
deserve the easy way out.”
                “What does that even mean, man!” Dean slammed his palm against
the steering well, Cas’ low self esteem giving rise to Deans protective anger.
                “It means I’m a murderer. I have blood on my hands Dean. I
killed my mother, destroyed my family. Heaven doesn’t want me Dean, and I have
to serve my penance.” He all but screamed, looked shocked at his outburst.
                “That why you suck guys off, Cas? And which bastards tied you
up. Those rope burns weren’t pretty, man. I’m going to kick in the faces of
whatever assholes did that to you.”
                “It doesn’t matter Dean.” Cas turned away, eyes fixed on the
window.
                “It fucking matters! Seriously, there are a lot of douche bags
at our school. But you? You’re kind and sweet and so much better than them.
Your mom, I mean, yeah it sucks that she died but it wasn’t your fault.
Understand? Not your fault Cas.”
                “You’re wrong.” He breathed so quietly that Dean barely heard
it. Dean turned to him, ready to scream sense into him when he stopped. Silent
tears were streaming down Cas’ cheeks. Sighing, Dean rubbed the back of his
neck. “Hey man.” He said, tone gentling. “I know life can suck sometimes. God
do I know it. But bad things happen to good people all the time. Accidents,
Cas. That are out of your control and, well you can’t keep blaming yourself.”
Silence filled the car as they pulled up to the house. “Hey, Cas.” Dean grabbed
his hand, waiting for the pale boy to look at him. “If you ever need someone to
talk to or anything, I’m here. I may suck at it, but I’m here. And I’m not
leaving.”
                “Thank you Dean.” Castiel smiled sadly before opening his door.
Dean watched him until the front door closed behind the broken angel before
driving off. Gripping the wheel, Dean vowed to do whatever he could for his
friend. He was sure there was nothing as beautiful as that smile, and Dean was
determined to see more of it in the future. And hell, Dean may have a fucked up
past, but they both did. Maybe they could fix each other. Dean sure did hope
so, because in the short time Cas has been in Dean’s life, he has somehow
managed to get his foot in the door. And Dean didn’t let people in easy. Once
they were there, no way was Dean going to let them slip away. Not when he still
had breath to fight.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
     Very dark chapter. Lots of violence and abuse, nothing happy about
     this one. You have been warned!!!
                Castiel made a lasagna and helped himself to a small slice
before storing the rest in the fridge for his father. A few hours of homework
later found Cas curled up asleep in bed. He didn’t wake up when his father came
home, helping himself to a decidedly large portion of lasagna before trudging
up the stairs to his sons room. A rough hand over his mouth woke him up. Large,
frightened eyes strained up to meet his fathers.
                “I missed you son.” Zachariah smiled cruelly before removing
his hand to peel off his cloths. “Strip.” He commanded and Castiel obeyed
numbly, you deserve bettermuttered in a husky tone drowned out by his father’s
smirk. “Bend over.” And he did, bracing his arms on his bed. Zachariah pulled a
gag out of his pocket. Castiel pushed it in into his own mouth willingly. His
father pulled some duct tape out of the bedside drawer and wrapped it around
Castiel’s head twice. It was going to be a rough night. With no preamble,
Zachariah thrust all the way in with a quick jerk of his hips. Cas screamed
behind the gag, feeling himself tearing from the inside.
                “Yes.” Zachariah breathed. He grabbed Castiel’s wrists and tied
them snuggly behind his back, rocking the whole time. The position caused
screaming pain to tear at his shoulders. Whimpering, he was shoved further into
the bed as his arms were cruelly pushed further up his back. “That’s a good
boy.” Zachariah crooned, fingernails tearing chunks of skin out of his back and
hips. Castiel cried, nostrils flaring for breath as snot, blood, and tears
trickled into the sheets. He would have to wash them tomorrow, Cas thought
sadly. Zachariah was slamming into him now, there would definitely be bruises
on his ass in the morning. Finishing with a groan, his father pulled out of
him. Wiping himself off, Zachariah left the room. “Wait here Castiel. I’m going
to shower.” He threw over his shoulder on the way out. Shaking, Cas sank to his
knees and rested his head against the mattress. Everything hurt, the awkward
position giving rise to aches in all his straining muscles and roughly twisted
joints.
                Zachariah came back half an hour later. He untied his son,
ripped the duct tape along with a good chunk of hairs out before ordered him to
go shower. After all, he was a mess. Spitting the gag out, Castiel stood and
shakily made his way to the bathroom. A blow to the back of his head halted his
progress. “What? No ‘yes sir’? Don’t you have any respect for your father?” A
sharp kick to his ribs cut off his response. “After all I do for you.” Punch to
the back. “Fed you.” Ribs. “Cloth you.” Kidney. “Send you to school.” Shoulder.
“Let you live in my house.” Punch. “When you-“ Thigh. “Killed.” Punch. “My.”
Kick. “Wife!” The blows went on for awhile longer before Zachariah tired out.
                “Now look what you’ve done.” He tried to scold lightly, still
breathing heavily. “You made me angry. You know how I get when I’m angry.” He
smiled at the shivering, naked boy curled up on the floor in front of him. “I
trust you learned your lesson. Now, you have school tomorrow but after that I
was thinking we could go to the cabin for the weekend. After all, my discipline
has been slipping. Either that, or this new school is a bad influence on you.
With a soul as black as yours, we can’t have anything else dirtying it, now can
we?” He smirked before stepping over his son and leaving him there to cry
through the pain. Seconds, minutes, or maybe hours later Castiel rolled onto
his knees and crawled to the shower. All the blood and dried semen washed down
the drain, and still the tears came.
                But this was his penance. And penance meant pain. Cas eyed the
razor longingly before going back to his room. He was already in so much pain,
a few cuts wouldn’t help at all right now. He stripped the sheets and brought
them to the laundry room before making his bed up with some fresh ones. It was
3:30 by the time he crawled into bed. Falling asleep instantly, his aching body
slipped into blackness. He rose at the first alarm, groaning. Though he wanted
nothing more than to stay in bed for days, he knew it would only be worse if
his father found out he was late for school. Looking in the mirror, Castiel saw
bruises and scrapes all over his torso and legs. His left foot throbbed
painfully from a knock against the furniture in his fall, causing him to walk
with a slight limp. His wrists were raw and angry, and his ass cheeks were
mottled with bruises. His ribs seemed intact, but definitely tender. Wincing,
he pulled on a thick sweater to cushion his body the best he could.
                He headed for the bus stop, headphones streaming classical
music into his ears. Usually, calm music helped relax him. This morning, it
only amped up his anxiety. He didn’t notice the car that pulled up beside him
until the driver got out and raced to his side. Dean grabbed his arm tightly
over the bruise and pulled Castiel around to face him. Wincing, Cas recoiled
from the grip Dean instantly released before pulling his headphones out. “Hello
Dean.” He shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, Dean was persistent with
pursuing this friendship.
                “Hey, sorry man but I knew where you lived and figured that
since I had a car and all…I mean I sent you like 5 messages but you didn’t
reply and I thought-are you alright man?” It seemed like 10 trains of thought
had all collided at once on the way from Dean’s brain to mouth. Castiel knew he
looked like shit, bags under his eyes, skin drawn and pale and still shaking
slightly from last night. His cloths may be fresh but he didn’t take the usual
care dressing this morning and knew it was obvious.
                “I’m fine.” Cas bit out, wishing Dean would stop looking at him
with so much concern. So much pity.
                “No man, you look like hell. Did something happen? If anyone
did anything-“
                “I said I’m fine Dean!” Cas shouted, turning away to storm off.
Dean grabbed his shoulder unexpectedly to halt his progress. Castiel screamed,
pain flaring bright and sharp as he halfway crumpled. Dean jerked back like he
had been bitten.
                “Shit man, I’m so sorry.” Dean was frantically grabbing at Cas’
shirt, trying to peel it away to see how hurt he was. Castiel stumbled back,
blatant fear and panic shining in his eyes. “Don’t Dean. Just don’t.”
                “You’re hurt man. Someone should look at it.”
               Cas shrugged. “It’s nothing. I’ve had worse.”
                “Who did this Cas? C’mon man, you can tell me.”
                He just shook his head, sorrow and exhaustion creeping in. “It
doesn’t matter. Just…let’s go to school Dean.” Dean kept looking at him like he
was trying to see through all the layers Cas carefully built around himself.
Finally, what seemed like an eternity later, Dean relented and opened the
passenger side door to his still-running car. Sam stared up at them with wide
eyes (after all he had seen and heard everything that just happened) before
ungracefully climbing out and slipping into the backseat. It showed how tired
Cas was that he didn’t even argue, just slid in and let Dean close the door
behind him.
                “Castiel.” Sam started tentatively when Dean resuming his
driver’s seat and threw the car into gear. “You know we’re here for you man. If
you ever need anything, then we’re here.”
                “I know Sam.” Cas said quietly, even though he would never
accept their help. He would never tell them. He would do anything for them to
never find out about his shame.
                The day passed in a haze. It seemed that Dean had everyone
watching out for him now. Sam, Jo, even Benny had walked him to class at one or
more points during the day, going well out of their way to do so. His protests
were met with “Hey, it’s what friends are for.” There it was again. Friends.
Something Castiel never dreamed of having again and now it seemed he had a
whole family of them. In the car after school, Dean asked if he wanted to spend
some time with them this weekend.
                “I can’t. My father wants to go camping this weekend. He owns a
cabin a few miles outside of town in the woods. He tries to go there at least
once or twice a month.” Castiel emotionlessly relayed the rehearsed message
that had been ingrained into his brain.
                “Oh.” Dean sounded so sad, like he could hear the resignation
equivalent to a jail sentence in Cas’ tone. “Your dad, uh, is he the one who
hurt you.”
                “No.” Cas answered, but his prolonged hesitation said the exact
opposite. Dean sat quietly for a moment, then, “Hey, you know that Bobby and
Ellen are good friends with the sheriff right? Jody Mills, she’s a good cop,
and if you wanted to we could ask a favor, I mean, if you think a weekend alone
with the old man is a bad idea or something…” Dean trailed off, clearly
frustrated at words that wouldn’t come.
                “No.” Castiel said firmly. After all, he was the one who
deserved punishment, not his father. Dean pulled over to the side and stopped
the car. It appeared that he was determined to talk, and didn’t want any
interruptions. Castiel sighed and waited for Dean to begin.
                “Is that why, I mean, do you cut yourself because of your dad?”
                “No.” Cas said. And it was partially true. “I do it because,
well, it’s not just that. It’s everything Dean. I feel empty and broken and
just black inside. Some days I can’t feel anything, and other days it’s like I
feel everything. Like thinking, fuck even just existing hurts. And the cutting,
it makes it go away for a bit. I just want it to go away Dean.” And fuck if all
the emotions that he kept carefully tucked away didn’t rear their ugly heads
and stream down his face in salty wet tracks. Castiel choked through the first
sobs. “I just want it all to stop.”
                “Hey, shhh, its okay.” Dean awkwardly wrapped his arms around
his shaking frame and held him close. “I’m here man. I’m here. Just let it all
out.” And Cas did, crying silently yet violently until there was nothing left.
Dean just held him and rubbed reassuring yet gentle circles into his back. “You
should talk to someone. Like a professional.” Dean said once it was clear
Castiel was finished. He still wouldn’t let go, and Cas clung tight like Dean
was the only thing keeping him from hurtling to oblivion.
                “I have a therapist.” Castiel automatically replied. “Alastair
Payne.” He added on.
                “Oh.” Dean said awkwardly. “Weird name for a therapist.” His
nose crinkled a bit before his expression relaxed again. “I’m still here
though. I mean, if you want to talk to me. Or Sam, I mean, he’s better at all
this than I am. But, you know, just whenever you need us, ask.”
                “Thank you Dean.” Cas smiled, finally pulling back to his own
seat.
                Dean looked uncomfortable. “One more question man.”
                “What is it Dean?” Cas tilted his head.
                “Did you hurt yourself today.” Dean seemed to suddenly find
great interest in the steering wheel as he studiously avoided his friends gaze.
                “No.” Cas smiled, pushing up his sleeves for Dean to confirm.
He failed to add on that he was in so much physical pain it wouldn’t have
helped anyways. Dean finally looked at him, trailing his eyes all over the
scars. He fixated on the raw wrists and large bruises dotting his arms. Castiel
looked down, realizing too late that he had more than just scars visible now.
Quickly, he tugged the sleeves back down.
                “Cas-“ He started.
                “Just take me home Dean.” Castiel set his jaw, refusing to
continue.
               “Cas-“ Dean tried again. “I don’t want you going-“
                “It’s my life Dean!” Cas shouted, screamed really. He was
angry. His life may have not been fine, but it was at least his until Dean came
into the picture. “Just leave me alone.” He growled, determined to get Dean off
his back. He couldn’t find out. Castiel wouldn’t let him.
                “Alright.” Dean finally relented, starting up the car and
finishing the drive back to Cas’ house. They pulled up and stopped in silence.
“Listen, I meant it-“
                “Just leave me alone Dean. Just…stop caring.” Cas scrambled out
of the car and slammed the door before Dean could respond. He stormed up the
small path and closed the door, locking it before he slid to his knees. He
waited until the car was a rumble in the distance before breaking down for the
second time that day. He had a friend who cared, who really cared. But just
like everything else in his life, he screwed it up. He had to push them away,
before he could hurt them or vice versa, those were the only outcomes he knew
of. Castiel cried out to the empty hallway, listening to the echo until there
was nothing left to give. With one last choked sob, he stood and made his way
to his room. It made no sense to cook, his father never ate on a night before
the cabin anyways.
                Cas packed the basics and made himself the most simple dinner
off a P-B-and-J before settling in to wait for his father. Zachariah arrived
home just before seven. He set his briefcase down in the office and picked up
the suitcase he had packed the night before and made his way to the car with
nothing more than a hand gesture towards Castiel, who dutifully grabbed his
duffle and followed his father. The schedule was the same every weekend.
                After his mother’s death, Zachariah gambled more than he ever
had before. It got pretty bad, so bad that the people he were indebted to came
to the house. Luckily, Gabriel and Anna were gone by the time they came to
collect, usually out on an ice cream/movie run that Cas had graciously
declined. Zachariah’s lone shard was kind enough to accept Castiel as the
equivalent of whatever debt Zachariah had dug himself into by the end of the
month. At the beginning it was a variety of people, over the years, his father
had managed to make a deal with Dick Roman, so his was the only one that
Castiel had to service. Then came Lucas Novak, Cas’ uncle who happened upon
them one day when he came into the house unannounced to find his brother buried
to the hilt in his prostrate nephew. Zachariah tucked himself in and pulled
Lucas into the study for a long chat while Castiel waited anxiously on his
knees. His uncle came back in almost an hour later with a small smile. He
crouched in front of his nephew and wiped the tears away before leaning in to
whisper, “You’re my bitch now.”
Then came Michael Milligan, a doctor who fixed him up for the small fee of a
weekend every now and then in exchange for his silence. Then there was Alistair
Pain, who counseled Castiel into hiding any hints of child abuse to those few
in the system who cared. Then there was Azazel Deamon, who knew how to whore
Cas out to the highest bidder for him and Zachariah to split the money every
now and then. His sister, Lilith, helped with this of course.
                Every weekend followed the same schedule. It was, after all,
where his father preferred to do his business. Fridays were strictly for
clients. Castiel would strip and do whatever was commanded of him from his
father’s ‘friends’. This was always filmed, for insurance his father claimed,
though he could hear the sounds coming from Zachariah’s room every now and then
from those nights. Then there was Saturday, where his father would claim what
was ‘rightfully his’. Violently and as many times and he could fit in. Castiel
would get his first and only meal for the weekend that night. Then came Sunday.
It was his retribution, as his father said. His punishment for the death of his
mother and what that did to their family. Those were the worst days, when his
father would tie him up and let himself scream until his throat was raw. He
loved taking his anger out on Castiel. Reminding him of Naomi, of all that he
had ruined in his short life. How dirty he was. How much he deserved everything
shoved his way.
                Then he would carve into the beaten flesh, cutting and slicing
and burning what he could get away with. Then he would move to Castiel’s dick.
This was a recent occurrence, ever since he caught his jacking off partway
through middle school. Because Castiel was his and his alone to do what he
pleased with. No one would touch his son without his permission, not even
Castiel himself. Pleasure wouldn’t come unless Zachariah said so, and he
reminded Cas in the most permanent way. At least once a month, he would carve
KILLER three times into Castiel’s dick, on the left, right, and top, so there
was no way Castiel could avoid it if he ever tried pleasuring himself again. He
would go after the bloody flesh with a red hot knife and some black ink, to
carve the message again and again into his soft flesh. And Cas would scream and
scream until his voice was gone and blood was spewing out of his mouth from his
brutalized throat. Then he would explore, cutting and burning and beating as he
went, leaving his marks of ownership anywhere that could be covered up. This
weekend at the cabin was no different. This weekend was no more than he
deserved.
 
 
 
***** Chapter 6 *****
                Dean was off this weekend. Everyone in his ramshackle family
could tell. First off, he went to the library, of his own free will and
everything. He picked up as many books as he could find on depression, child
abuse, suicidal thoughts, and self-harm. He googled page after page on the
matter. He lost count of how many times he picked up the phone to call Sheriff
Jody Mills. He picked at his food and answered any questions thrown his way in
the most non-committal grunts he could manage. Everything he read on the matter
turned his stomach, because he only had to close his eyes to see every fucked
up scenario being forced on Cas. He took a long, well-deserved break from his
research to go punch the shit out of a punching bag for a few hours.
                He and Sam may not have had the ideal childhood. After their
mother died in the fire, their dad lost his shit. John had been a Marine once
upon a time, and he put his training to good use as he followed every possible
lead he could find on the arsonist. Sometimes he would drop Sam and Dean off
with Bobby, back before he and Ellen got together. Bobby had lost his wife as
well, and did his best for his friend in his time of grief. As the years wore
on, he and John fought more and more about John “Getting his shit together and
raising his kids right.” But John couldn’t give it up. He was always so close,
his wife’s murderer just out of reach. Dean may have been just a kid, but he
couldn’t find it in him to let his father down. He also couldn’t let Sam down
either. So Dean stepped up where his father slacked off and basically raised
Sam as they traveled the country. Sometimes his father would disappear for
weeks on end, and Dean would do anything and everything to provide for Sam.
                He stole food and forged signatures. He even went so far as to
suck some guys off in alleyways for a $20 every now and then, but only when he
was desperate. That life fucked his head, that’s why he sought after girls so
fervently, and why he was kinda freaking out since Cas had somehow gotten so
deep under his skin. Sure, he played it off as his protective older brother
instinct at first, but now he wasn’t so sure. They were just two fucked up
teenagers clinging together in the dark.
                His life ended as it began. It was less than a year ago when
they finally found the guy. John wanted to go alone to confront him, but Dean
had insisted on going along. Things got a bit hazy after they cornered the guy
in a warehouse. It hadn’t even occurred to Dean to call the cops, because this
was personal. But Dean misjudged the guy. Before he knew it, there was a gun
pressed cold against his temple and Dean realized with a start that it was all
over. He was going to die. And then his father was there, wrestling the guy.
Two shots went off and John jerked back before slamming the guys head into the
concrete and knocking him out. Dean scrambled to his side, but the blood was
everywhere and Dean really started to panic.
                Cool as could be, John told him to go grab the first aid kit
out of the Impala. Dean left, but by the time he got back the whole place was
in flames. The arsonist had already doused it with gasoline. Dimly, through the
smoke and flames, Dean could see the two figures lying still and burning on the
other side. His father’s lighter gleamed once before blackening to a crisp. He
should have known it would end this way. But it came as a surprise all the
same. Dean wasn’t sure what to do after that, so he numbly went back to Sam and
called up Bobby. It wasn’t until he hung up the phone that the tears came, and
he and Sam gripped each other and wouldn’t let go until the next morning when
Bobby showed up at the motel they were staying at after driving all night. It
was only natural that he adopted the two of them, after all they were family.
                Dean knew their father had neglected them, and he knew that
their father beat them occasionally after too many drinks and too many
complaints. But still, Dean knew how scared that made him, and could only image
what Cas’ relationship was like with his father. The only difference was that
Dean had Sam, and Cas had no one at home to help him, to pick him up and put
him back together. That weekend was the longest weekend of Dean’s life. And by
the time Monday dragged around, he still had no idea how to help Cas. Sure,
reading about the problem was one thing. But none of the solutions he found
seemed like something Dean could do. At the same time, the stuff he read seemed
so bad that he didn’t want to have to help because he sure as hell didn’t want
that to mean that’s what Cas was suffering.
                Monday morning, Dean woke up early again and went to Cas’
house, telling Sam to catch a ride with Jo. Sam gave him his patented bitch
face because Cas was his friend too, but he didn’t fight Dean on this. The
driveway was empty by the time Dean got there, which meant Cas’ father had
already left for work. All the texts that Dean sent over the weekend in various
stages of panic had been ignored, which only amped up his anxiety. Taking a
deep breath and wiping sweaty palms on his jeans, Dean walked up the short path
to the front door and knocked as boldly as he could.
                No response. Knock-knock-knock. Nothing. Louder this time.
Still nothing. Finally, when he was about to just pick the lock and let himself
in, the door finally opened.
                “Cas! Shit-“ All other words faded from his tongue as he took
in the figure before him. If he thought his friend had looked like shit before,
then this was complete and utter hell. He was pale and shaky, all dark bags
under his eyes and dried tears on his cheek.
                “Dean.” Castiel rasped out gruffly, wincing and grabbing his
throat. He wore sweats and matching hoodie, too-big socks adorning his
otherwise bare feet.
                “Cas.” Dean said again sadly, stepping inside and gently
pulling his friend into the softest hug he ever gave. Castiel said nothing,
made no move to respond, just shook in his hold until Dean stepped back. “What
happened man?”
                “It’s nothing.” Cas winced again, rubbing absentmindedly at his
throat. “Why are you here Dean?”
                “I came to give you a ride. And, you know, to check up on you.”
                “Oh.” Castiel looked over at the clock. “Bit early. School
doesn’t start for another two hours.”
                “I know man. But I figured we could grab some breakfast and
just, talk I guess.”
               Castiel nodded absentmindedly. “I’ll go get dressed then.” Dean
followed him upstairs, but Cas stopped short of his room. “Wait downstairs
please.” Cas asked so quietly that Dean didn’t even push, just breathed a quick
“Alright” before retreating back down the stairs. Cas pulled the bloody sheets
off his bed and changed all the dressings as quickly as possible before
gingerly stepping into jeans and a sweater, pulling on some worn converse
before joining Dean downstairs. They didn’t say anything, just gathered up Cas’
schoolwork and piled into the Impala. Dean went through the drive-through at
some fast food restaurant and got them breakfast burritos and coke. Normally,
Dean didn’t like messy food in his car, but this was a conversation he wanted
to have in private. He drove to an abandoned park before stopping the car and
digging into his food, a bit reluctant to start talking.
                Castiel devoured his food like he hadn’t eaten in weeks and was
already licking his fingers clean before Dean was even halfway through his.
Without a word, Dean handed over the rest of his burrito for Cas to finish, the
sudden turning in his stomach killing his appetite. His friend ate that as
well, and then they sat in silence for a few moments. Finally, Dean began.
                “My dad died a few months ago.” And with that he launched into
the whole story, telling Cas about the arsonist and life on the road and how he
took care of Sammy and did…things he wouldn’t elaborate on to get him and Sam
enough food when cash ran low. About how his Dad was shot saving Dean, about
how he lit the whole place up in flames. And about how Dean felt it was his
fault. He told Cas about how sometimes he closed his eyes and couldn’t remember
what his mom looked like. About how he couldn’t remember her voice some nights.
He told him about how Dean would take most of the blows for Sam when his Dad
was drinking. About how keeping Sam safe was the only thing holding Dean
together some days. He poured his heart out, opening up like never before. And
Castiel sat there and listened the whole time. There was no judgment or pity on
his face, just open-minded acceptance of Dean’s whole fucked up history.
                “I’m sorry Dean.” He finally rasped. Dean nodded, wiping
angrily at the few tears he felt on his cheeks.
                “I’m fine now. I mean, I have like a real family and all. And
I’m worried about you man, cuz even through the worst of it Sam and I still had
each other. But you man-“
                “I’m fine Dean.” Castiel tensed. He knew this was coming, but
still was reluctant.
                “Cas.”
                “We’re going to be late if we don’t leave soon.” Cas changed
the subject coldly before softening. “After school though, there’s somewhere I
want to show you. It’s where I go to be alone.”
                “Alright.” Dean reluctantly started the car. After all, Cas had
agreed to spend more time together again later. The school day passed quickly,
the two barely talking. And then school ended and they were back in the Impala.
Castiel told Dean to just drive to his house and they would walk from there.
Dean parked out front, driveway still empty before following Cas. They walked
for a few blocks before turning off to a path through the sparse forest there.
They walked in companionable silence for about fifteen minutes before coming
upon a tree house. Cas smiled when he saw it.
                “Gabriel and I found this, back when mom was still alive. Dad
helped us fix it up, and mom made some curtains and a rug. After she died,
Gabriel never came back here. But I did, it was my way of being close to her,
to being close to that time where our family was still happy again. It kinda
became my escape.” He fondly ran his hand over the wooden plank nailed to the
tree to serve as a ladder. “I haven’t shown anyone this before.” He smiled
sadly before scrambling up and into the tree house, followed closely by Dean.
The only furniture in the small space was a locked trunk in the corner of the
room. Cas unlocked it and stepped aside for Dean to inspect the contents.
                “It’s mainly my mom’s stuff. Dad got rid of most of it, but I
took what I could.” Cas held up each item as he went though, the two of them
sitting Indian style in front of it. His moms wedding dress, the books she read
to him as a kid, her oven mitts, the pirate costume she made for Cas when he
was five, etc. etc. Finally he pulled out a worn leather journal. “I got this
for her birthday with six months worth of allowance money. She never got a
chance to use it though. It was only a few weeks later when the accident
happened.”
                “I’m sorry man.” The journal was placed carefully on the pile
of everything else. Without thinking, Dean grabbed it and opened it to the
first page. He stared in horror at the title there. ‘My journey of pain and
reparation’ by Castiel Novak. Cas snatched it back before Dean could read any
further. “That’s private.” Cas said quietly, returning everything to its
rightful place before locking the trunk again.
                “Cas, your father, does he hurt you?”
                “Just leave it Dean. Please.” Castiel was still quiet, pleading
even. So even though everything in Dean screamed at him not to, he dropped it.
“It’s getting late.” He said instead, and so without another word they headed
back in silence. Dean told Cas he would see him in the morning before leaving
to mull over everything in the car ride home.
***** Chapter 7 *****
                The next few weeks passed in a blur. Charlie was over mono and
in school by now, and Cas for the first time in forever had a small group of
friends. Most of the guys stopped harassing him in the bathroom, so now it was
only Uriel and Raphael he had to worry about. Crowley for the most part left
him alone, but still got verbal jabs in every time he saw him. Then there was
Adam Milligan, Michael’s son. He hated Cas, knew how often his father was over
with his family. He blamed Castiel for taking his father away from him, and
took out his anger whenever he could.
                But Cas had friends now. There was Dean, Sam, Jo, Charlie, and
Benny. Then there was Garth Fitzgerald, a goofy but good kid who naturally
joined their group. Then came Kevin Tran, Sam’s nerdy friend. Then there was
Ruby Faye, who Charlie sometimes went so far as to call her girlfriend. Jessica
Moore was Sam’s new girlfriend, much to his teasing older brother’s delight.
And then there was Meg Masters. She had dated Crowley back in middle school,
but that hadn’t ended well. Cas suspected she only befriended him to get back
at Crowley. And of course, Lisa Braeden. She made gooey eyes at Dean all the
time, and the two flirted back and forth shamelessly. Still, as far as Cas knew
it never went beyond that. And then there was Hannah. She and Meg were the only
two Cas ever noticed looking at him like they wanted to eat him. He put a stop
to Hannah’s advances, and after that she still spent time with them, but
Castiel could tell he had hurt her. Meg was more persistent however, but
nothing ever came of her attempts either.
                Cas was getting stronger too. Dean taught him everything he
knew about fighting, and the two would spar a couple of times a week so long as
Cas wasn’t hurting too much. He had gotten better at acting around Dean though.
He had been thrown at first, but now he knew the part to play to keep Dean from
looking at him with so much pity in his eyes. Dean checked his wrists daily.
More often than not, there were no new scars. Some days though, Castiel still
slipped and Dean somehow always knew. He would give Cas that stern look which
turned so soft the second Cas pulled up his sleeves. The rope burn had yet to
reappear. Castiel told his father that some of the students had been noticing
his arms. So Zachariah made sure to use plenty of padding while securing his
wrists from there on out, but he took his frustrations out more abusively on
other, more easily hidden parts of his body.
                Dean was taking Cas to the gym too. They went rounds with the
punching bag, Dean taught him the proper way to lift weights, and they ran.
Boy, did they run. Dean didn’t like it so much, but knew it was important for
keeping in shape. Castiel loved it though. He felt free as he ran, like he
could fly away and shed all the weight that constantly held him down. He was
good at it too. His father had always encouraged him to run. When he was
younger, when he still had a mom, it was as a proud father cheering on his son.
After that, it was because he “loved a nice firm ass to fuck”. It was the one
physical activity Castiel bested Dean at, and the feeling of racing ahead of
his friend sent him soaring.Still, Cas was careful. He always wore sweats that
caused him to flush and sweat like he was trapped in a sauna. Dean always gave
his choice in attire funny looks, but never said anything.
                More than anything else, Castiel realized he was happy. Happy
like he only remembered from years and years back. It came in small bursts, but
when it was there it shone. And Cas being happy made Dean happy. He could tell
in the way Deans eyes would light up, how he would quirk a smile and the skin
around his eyes would crinkle in amusement. Castiel loved that he was the one
putting those expressions on Dean’s face, that he was giving his friend back a
small piece of what Dean was giving him.
                But then there were the dark days. The days where his father
would remind him of his place, of who he was. The days when the bullying would
go too far and Cas would forget that he knew how to fight back now. The days
when he would drop to his knees in the bathroom. The days when he found a razor
in his hand and tears dropping to mix with the blood on his arms. The days when
shame would eat at his chest like a disease. The days where he wished more than
anything that he had just drowned that day so long ago.
                Then came the day when Castiel felt more pain that he could
ever remember. Because it wasn’t physical pain, that he knew how to deal with.
No, it was the day Dean finally asked Lisa out. Cas had shown up to lunch to
find Dean with his arm draped around his new girlfriend and his tongue dancing
with hers. That was when Cas realized how much he had come to care for Dean.
How without realizing it, he had let Dean creep behind all of his carefully
built walls that all came crumbling down. Jo and Charlie gave him a sad look,
but Dean didn’t see him.
                Castiel felt the start of tremors going through his body as he
turned and fled to the bathroom. He held back the tears, but still he shook so
much. Fumbling for his razor, he had finally freed the blade with twitching
hands when the door banged open and Castiel’s solitude was invaded.
                “Oh, don’t look so jumpy mate. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
Crowley smiled cruelly. “No offense, but you look like shit.”
                Fuck this, Castiel thought. There were other ways to shut down
this pain. With a snarl, he dropped the razor and flew across the room,
slamming Crowley into the wall with his newfound strength. The other boys eyes
widened in shock. With one hand, he pinned him to the wall using the other to
lock the door. Never breaking eye contact, Castiel ran his hands down until he
reached Crowley’s hips and he sank down. Freeing the soft flesh from its fabric
prison, Castiel mouthed and sucked and jacked the boy to fullness.
                “Fucking hell.” Crowley regained his speech, threading fingers
into his hair. Cas groaned, because he knew the other boy would enjoy it, and
fervently went to work. Everything he had learned was put to use, and Castiel
knew without a doubt that this would be the best blowjob of Crowley’s young
life. He held nothing back, pouring all of his rage and frustration into it. He
swallowed every last bit, savoring the bitter taste in his mouth because it
brought him down. It reminded him of the only thing he was good for anymore. It
reminded him of who he was, and where he belonged. Standing, Castiel gathered
up his things without a backward glance and made to leave.
                “Not so fast.” Crowley grabbed his wrist. Cas stopped,
confused. His job was done after all, wasn’t it?
                “I believe it’s customary to return the favor.” Crowley smiled,
not a hint of the earlier mocking cruelty.
                Castiel frowned. “That’s not necessary.”
                Crowley shrugged. “It’s just polite.” And then he grabbed the
front of Castiel’s pants, expecting to find an interested member. Instead his
hand met soft flesh, still scabbed over from Zachariah’s most recent reminder
of killer, killer, killer carved into his son’s most sensitive area. Cas
screamed and jolted back as if he had been burned, tears springing to his eyes
and breaths coming in sharp, jagged gasps. Crowley stared at him in shock,
frozen. Castiel took the opportunity to flee, running straight into Adam on the
way out. Adam took one look at him, lips still swollen and behind his shoulder
Crowley standing with his dick still out before sneering and saying, “Well you
really are a cocksucker aren’t you.” Cas ran and didn’t stop until he found his
corner of the library to sob in silent peace.
                Crowley remained where he was for a few minutes, absentmindedly
tucking himself back in as he frowned in thought. His earlier suspicion had
been quietly eating at him since that first encounter. Now, it all but devoured
him. He would have to do some digging. Well, he would have to put some other,
easily manipulated bastards onto digging into Castiel Novak’s personal life.
Because something was definitely wrong there, and Crowley would be damned if he
didn’t get to the bottom of it.
 
 
 
***** Chapter 8 *****
                Dean had been having a great few weeks. School was actually
going pretty good. Cas was doing much better. They spent almost every day after
school together. They hung out, worked out, and his friend seemed much happier.
Dean still had his suspicions about Cas’ father, but the other boy wasn’t
showing signs of abuse ever since that first day, so Dean hoped there wasn’t
anything bad going on for Cas at home. Hoped, but wasn’t entirely sure. Still,
the other boy remained adamant in refusing any help or any outside involvement.
Most weekends were still spent with the bastard, but what could Dean do.
                The bullying still occurred, but much less frequently after
word got out that Dean was kicking ass if anyone laid a finger on Castiel and
he found out about it. The uh, blow jobs, had stopped too. At least, Dean hoped
they had. Not just that, Cas had chicks drooling after him now that he had
broken out of his box a little. And Cas wasn’t the only one.
                Dean had had his fair share of action. But Lisa was a bit
different from the rest. They hadn’t even done anything yet, but still she was
there. Flirting, teasing, and taking his leers at all the other girls in school
in stride. Dean found himself spending more and more time with her, always
after Cas had left to go home though. Sam encouraged him too, telling him time
and time again to just ask her out already. So finally, he did, hoping against
hope that it would put the anxious turning in his stomach every time Castiel
was near to rest. No such luck. The day he asked her out found them at lunch,
making out lazily until Jo breathed quietly, “You’re such a bastard.”
                “What?” Dean broke off the kiss, looking at Jo in confusion and
just a bit of anger for breaking the moment. She didn’t say anything, just
nodded behind him. He turned to see the quickly retreating back of the boy who
had somehow become his closest friend. Cas.
                “Shit.” He muttered. “Hey babe, gotta go. Sorry.” He gave Lisa
one last distracted kiss before standing and following Cas. He quickly lost him
in the crowd, swearing under his breath as he started searching what seemed
like the entire school. Finally, with only minutes left before lunch ended, he
found the boy in the library. Huddled in the corner. Sobbing his fucking brains
out. Well shit.
                “Hey man.” Dean said, sinking down beside him. Cas jumped, he
hadn’t seen Dean approach.
                “Hello Dean.” He said gruffly, avoiding eye contact. They sat
in silence for awhile while Cas regained his composure. Finally, Dean spoke up.
“What’s up Cas?” He asked quietly.
                Cas laughed bitterly. “Nothing Dean. Just pulled my head out of
my ass long enough to remember who I am.”
                “What do you mean?”
                “I mean I’m worthless!” Cas all but shouted, trying to keep his
voice down out of respect for the quiet atmosphere of the library. “I’m nothing
but a whore. A worthless piece of shit who killed his own mom.” He said
quieter. “I-I mean it all fell apart. I wanted to hurt myself. So bad Dean. I
had the razor in my hand but then-well. Then I did something worse. So much
worse.”
               Dean felt himself growing cold.
                “I did it again Dean.” Cas continued. “I was in the bathroom
and then he walked in and I just thought, well, that I could be of some use.
That I could be put back in my place and I just did it and I sucked until there
was nothing left and-“ Cas broke off, sobbing again.
                “Shit.” Was all Dean could muster, pulling the shaking boy into
a tight embrace. Well fuck. And things had been going so good. “Hey Cas. You’re
not worthless. Don’t ever fucking think that. I mean, you’re a great guy and
you deserve-“
                “So much better.” Cas cut in, that bitter laugh making an
appearance. “That’s because you don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve done.”
Cas said darkly.
                “You’re right.” Dean pulled back, trying to make eye contact.
Cas still looked away, shifting uncomfortably. “I don’t know you. I don’t know
everything you’ve done. But you’re not the only one with a fucked up past.
You’re not the only one with regrets. But that doesn’t change what I think,
what I know. And I know that you don’t deserve this. You don’t need to beat
yourself down.”
                Cas just shook his head tiredly, barely breathing, “I do. I
need to pay.” Before standing and collecting his things. Dean didn’t see him
for the rest of that day, or the next. And when he returned, it was like Day
One all over again. All the progress they had made, down the drain. Cas let the
blows all the faceless assholes threw at him strike home. He got on his knees
for every brainless prick who looked his way, and he flinched away from any
unexpected physical contact like it burned him. Dean felt his heart breaking
for his friend, but had no idea what he could do to help.
                Dean didn’t see Cas eat one thing that entire week at school,
and the other boy steadily grew paler and thinner. They still worked out, but
he was silent the whole time, and they spent less time just chilling and
watching movies. Lisa could tell something was up with Dean. He was always
distracted, even when they were alone. But like a patient girlfriend, she
stayed with him through it. And Dean was grateful, he really was. But sometimes
he wished that she would just yell at him. Tell him to get his shit together.
Or just dump his ass. Whatever. But more than anything, he wished that he could
fix whatever it was between him and Cas. Make things go back to the way they
were before everything went to shit.
                That weekend he went to Cas’ house to try and confront him. But
Cas wasn’t home. No one was. He went back three more times that weekend, but no
gold. Wherever Cas was, he wasn’t answering his phone, and worry ate at Dean
the entire time. But there was nothing he could do, right? Just wait and hope
for the best.
                Sam did his best to cheer Dean up, but after the third time of
barging in to find Dean immersed in abusive self help books, his brother just
sighed and sat down beside him. “Need some help with that?”  
                Dean shrugged noncommittally, shoving a book his way. “If you
want.” They sat in silence, reading for a bit before Sam broached the topic.
“It’s Cas, isn’t it. You think something is going on at his home.”
                “Yeah. No. I don’t know.” Dean gritted out. “I mean, I think
something’s up, but Cas won’t talk to me about it. And I want to help but just
don’t know how. I’m crap at all this shit anyways. That was always your area of
expertise Samantha.”
                Sam knew he was trying to goad Sam into letting it drop. As is,
Sam just scowled and continued. “You should tell someone. What about Jody?”
                “The sheriff?” Dean scoffed. “No, I want to help, not have cops
digging into Cas’ personal life. Besides, he flat out told me no when I brought
it up.” Dean frowned, shutting the book with an angry snap and a sigh. “I just
don’t know what went wrong.”
                “You mean why he snapped this week?”
                Dean’s head turned so fast Sam thought he heard his neck crack.
“How’d you know?” He narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
                Sam laughed. “C’mon Dean. Don’t play dumb. You hurt his
feelings. I mean, you two have practically been dating since you’ve met. You
spend all day worrying about him, you won’t shut up about him, and you spend as
much time together as you can. Then, out of the blue, he shows up to find you
all handsy with your new girlfriend. Did you even think about running it by him
before asking Lisa out?”
                “It’s not like that, Sammy.” Dean looked away, blushing. “We’re
just friends, that’s all.”
                “Ever think of clueing him in? Cuz the way he looks at you,
it’s like he sees straight into your soul or something man. It was kinda creepy
at first, but now? Now I think he kinda adores you man. I don’t know, maybe he
even-“
                “Don’t say it Sam.”
                “Dean.”
                “I said don’t Sammy!” Dean growled, standing and grabbing his
jacket. “I’m going out. I need some air.” And just like that his brother
stormed out, leaving Sam to sigh and continue to flip through the books. After
all, Cas was his friend too.
 
 
 
***** Chapter 9 *****
                Cas left school that day and went home. He sent his father a
text, letting him know that he had ditched his last half of the day. That he
deserved to be punished. Never one to disappoint, Zachariah showed up not half
an hour later, to find his son already naked and gagged. Zachariah smiled
cruelly, gesturing for his son to disrobe him and work him to fullness before
thrusting into the tight hole of Castiel’s ass. His son screamed behind his
gag, barely any sound coming out. Zachariah beat him afterwards for his
transgressions, before ordering his son to shower and get dressed. Zachariah
made a call to Alastair Payne. After all, his son needed to be taught a lesson
and Zachariah simply didn’t have the time at the moment. Alastair agreed to
float him a grand for the night with his son. Zachariah shuffled Castiel into
the car after they both cleaned up and dropped him off at Alastair’s house
before heading off to work.
                Alastair liked Castiel submissive and writhing in pain. He had
a whole room decked out for it. Complete with a sex sling, a rack, and many,
many toys to put to use. He tied Castiel to the rack, which rotated until the
boy’s face was at his crotch. He would thrust into his throat as Castiel gagged
around his length, mouth too full so only dribbles of vomit ran down his face
and into his nose and eyes. After Alastair came, he would move on to toys,
beating Castiel with whatever his hands found first. The boy screamed himself
hoarse, but no one heard beyond his soundproof walls. Alastair burned and cut
and beat his way through the boy, enjoying every last whimper and shriek he
wretched from Castiel’s throat. And then he unstrapped the shaking boy only to
shove and tie him into the sling to fuck him so violently that blood ran down
both their thighs. It was a good night for Alastair. For Cas, it was nothing
short of Hell. But it was what he deserved after all. It was where he belonged.
His penance.
                The next morning, Zachariah picked him up again and gave him
the day to rest and recover before going to school again. It was like the light
was gone. He avoided Dean, avoided food, and took everything thrown his way
with numb acceptance. That weekend was difficult. Noting the state of his son,
Zachariah made sure he ate a full meal before the cabin. Dick Roman had Castiel
to himself that whole night. Zachariah had gotten himself in pretty deep, so
Dick took what he estimated to be five grand worth of pleasure out of Castiel
that night.
                The man had taken something before making his way there that
night. Castiel was exhausted by the end of it, surprised at how often the man
had come before discarding him. Lips swollen and bruised, throat scratchy and
raw, bruises on his hips and pain throbbing in his ass, and still Cas pressed
on. Did everything asked of him. Dick thanked his father before leaving, but
Castiel was too exhausted to notice. He fell asleep within minutes. The next
morning, Zachariah took him out back. He liked doing this sometimes instead of
letting his son just use the shower. Instead, Cas stood shaking and naked in
the cool morning air as Zachariah blasted him with freezing water. The pressure
stung, leaving his flesh pink and raw. He scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed,
hoping to wash his sins and shame away. It didn’t help. His father had a
stressful week, and didn’t have a whole lot of energy left for his son. So that
day, Zachariah made Castiel do all the work.
                He sucked his father off as he absentmindedly watched
television. He rode his father as he lay in the bed. And then his father made
him do something he had never done before. “You’re getting to be so beautiful.
Just like your mother would be if she was here. If you didn’t take her from
me.”
                Castiel nodded. He knew his father hated the sound of his voice
when he remembered her. How his low timbre was so different from the sweetly
high octave his mother had. Zachariah had pulled out many outfits. All lingerie
and tight, short dresses, even some make-up he commanded Castiel to apply. And
he obeyed, donning everything that was required of him. His father took picture
after picture, ordered his son to assume pose after pose. This was so much
worse. The shame ripped through his chest, but there was no pain, no physical
contact to take his mind off of it. Castiel was surprised to find himself
crying, but his father didn’t care. Just told him to wipe his tears and fix his
make-up before he ruined the pictures.
                Zachariah made him give him head again afterwards. Lipstick
covered his father’s dick. When he was done, Cas had to lick every smudge
clean. Sunday was no better. Zachariah didn’t beat him today, just bound him to
the table he had acquired two summers back. Instead of whips or brass knuckles,
he pulled out a branding iron and placed it into the fireplace first thing that
morning. “Had this made up just for you, son.” He had beamed. There were no
words adorning the metal, just a cross.
                “Why father?” Cas tilted his head, looking up to meet
Zachariah’s cold eyes. His father replied darkly. “To remind you of how soiled
and unclean you are.” They sat in silence, anxiety building until the iron was
red-hot. Zachariah pulled it out of the fire and stalked towards his son.
“You’re mother used to call you her angel. Do you remember?” His father looking
at the glowing metal fondly. “But then you fell. Now, you’re no angel. Not
anymore. Now you’re damned!” And with that Zachariah inverted the cross with a
flick of his wrist and pressed it into Castiel’s chest, right above his heart.
Searing pain exploded, ripped through Castiel in shriek after shriek as the
smell of his own burning flesh filled his nostrils. Zachariah withdrew the
brand what seemed like an eternity later.
               With no ceremony whatsoever, the brand was dropped into a bucket
of water as Zachariah went on to unbind his son from the table, only to turn
him over and strap him back in. Castiel sobbed into the cold metal surface,
pushing his cheek into it until he was sure there would be a bruise as he
struggled uselessly to keep the burning, sensitive flesh on his chest from
touching the table. With a rough shove and a snarled, “Lie still, son”,
Zachariah finished binding him down.
                “Now!” Zachariah clapped his hands together gleefully, beaming
again. “I have another present for you. Lately you’ve been, well distracted. I
thought that maybe my discipline was slipping, but it might just be your age.
Teenagers are unruly after all. Who knows, maybe it’s your school. No matter,
this will remind you who you are. Now, I’ve marked your front, all I need to do
is carve it into your back too.” Zachariah kept on smiling as he pulled out
some sheets for Castiel to inspect. They were wings, or the tattered remains of
them. Nothing was left but the bone structure, fractured and bent at harsh
angles that suggested the joints were dislocated. A few tattered feathers clung
on to whatever diseased flesh was left. Castiel swallowed, hard. He remembered
seeing them before. When he was young, his mother had a bible she loved. It was
full of graphic pictures depicting all that was good and bad in the stories
told in the scriptures.
                There was one picture he never forgot. It showed an angel,
Lucifer, falling with his host of followers. On the next page, it showed them
in hell, burning and screaming monsters with their once glorious wings broken
and shredded and consumed in fire. It used to give him nightmares, and he would
crawl into his parent’s bed for comfort. It was an image he would never forget.
                “I see you remember, Castiel. Can’t quite recall how many times
you came crying and sniveling to us because of those pictures. But now you’re
the monster, Castiel. And a monster should look the part.” The sheets were
carefully laid on his back and adjusted until his father approved. Wetting the
paper, Zachariah waited a second before peeling them back. Castiel craned his
head until he could see his shoulder. The black lines remained behind, an
outline for his father to follow. The wings were tucked in but still enormous,
covering the entirety of his back, ass, and all the way down to just inches
above the back of his knees.
                Zachariah pulled on some gloves and got everything set up. Open
cups of black ink and clean towels covered the table. The device in his
father’s hand vibrated when turned on. Zachariah talked the whole time he
worked, reminded Cas of how far he had fallen, of all his transgressions. How
he was nothing. How he deserved punishment. The floor was soon littered with
blood and ink soaked towels. Once finished, Zachariah got a wet cloth to wipe
Castiel clean. It was late by then, dusk already settling.
                His father untied Castiel and led him to the mirrors he had
carefully arranged for Castiel to see every angle of his back. Cas sat there
and stared, sobbing as his father packed their things. His skin was red and
sore, blood still seeping up and trickling down. The wings were beautiful in
their deranged monstrosity. Castiel felt hideous, cold and broken as the wings
on his back. Every movement pulled uncomfortably on the skin and sent throbs of
itching pain through him. It clicked then, more than ever before in his life.
Everything he had done, there was no way heaven would want him now. He was
wicked, just as the beasts in the pit. He would never see him mother again in
the next life. Castiel had no doubt that his soul was hell-bound. In all his
life, Castiel didn’t think he had ever felt more alone.
                His father came back in to rub some ointment on the tattoo and
cover it in plastic wrap to keep the blood from ruining the sweats he had
Castiel don. The way home consisted of a lecture on how Castiel was to care for
the tattoo. After all, he wouldn’t want all the hard work his father had put
into it to be a waste. Zachariah cheerfully told him to stay hydrated this
week. He didn’t want to risk disturbing the setting ink, so his son would be
doing nothing more that sucking him off for the week. And dry mouths were not
acceptable for blow jobs. Castiel nodded numbly, head leaning against the cool
glass and hot tears silently falling. He didn’t feel real anymore, like
everything was a dream. The darkness flashing by outside seemed to surround
him. Consume him completely. There was no one and nothing there. Just Castiel,
screaming all alone inside his head and he felt the lick of invisible flames
and the cold weight of water pressing in, invading and drowning.          
                Not even caring that his father was there, Castiel dug into his
bag until he found the razor. Bundling up some towels to catch the blood, he
looked emotionlessly at his arms as he made two neat cuts on each wrist. They
weren’t deep enough to bleed for long, but gave him that sharp jolt of pain to
numb everything else. His father watched him impassively, frowning but saying
nothing. Wordlessly, Castiel cleaned and bandaged the wounds before leaning
back and letting the darkness consume him. He was just so tired. So, so tired.
***** Chapter 10 *****
                Dean had definitely not run away from his brother, he just
needed to think. I mean, sure when he had first met the kid he might have been
a bit overwhelmed. But come on, who wouldn’t be with those blue eyes staring at
you. Cas was beautiful, there was no other way Dean could describe that sex
hair and pale, acne-free complexion with the most innocent, endless eyes
staring their way into you. But they were just friends. I mean, the kid had
sucked off some other assholes the first day they met. He was, well Dean wasn’t
sure. But he was pretty sure boyfriend material was not exactly a way Cas would
describe himself. Besides, if they were together, then why did Dean still find
him every now and then fleeing the bathroom with spit-swollen lips followed by
a very satisfied nameless prick.
                Besides, Dean may have been with a few guys, but he still
considered himself a ladies man. And Lisa was the perfect girl for someone like
Dean to go for, right? Besides, they spent enough time flirting that surely Cas
had gotten the hint. Dean tried calling again, glad that he had snuck himself a
text that first night Castiel came over so he would have his number, even if it
was doing him no good if his friend couldn’t even answer his damn phone.
Straight to voicemail. Well fuck.
                “Where the hell are you Cas?” Dean sighed, staring at the
display on his phone before shoving it in his pocket and going back inside. He
needed a drink, school tomorrow be damned. And if Ellen and Bobby quirked their
eyebrows and the glass of jack he poured himself, then at least they let him
drink in peace. He avoided Sam the rest of the night, opting to fall asleep on
the couch rather than face the brother who may or may not still be in his room.
When Dean became such a girl, he didn’t know. All he wanted was for the room to
stop spinning and the ache in his chest to subside.
                Dean woke early for school the next day, shuffling Sam into the
car a good 20 minutes before normal. They flew to Castiel’s house at a high
enough speed to get Sam glaring at him for being reckless. Dean didn’t care,
just pushed further down on the gas until they reached their destination. Dean
slammed the car into park and jerked the keys out of the ignition before
sprinting towards the door. He only had to knock once before it was answered.
An older man stood in front of him. He was clearly Castiel’s father if the
picture on the wall were anything to go off of. But this man was older, much
more worn and closed off from the happy father in the portrait. His hair was
thinning and grey, wrinkles starting to form and weight adorning his frame that
suggested not only age but good food. His eyes were cold, nothing like his
sons.
                “Can I help you?” The man asked, smiling cockily. Dean
instantly decided he didn’t like him. Even if he didn’t know about what he was
doing to Cas, he would hate this man.
                “Is Cas here?” Dean said instead of the many, many things he
wanted to yell at him.
                “Cas?” The man frowned before lighting up. “Oh! You mean
Castiel. Yes, he’s upstairs getting dressed. Do come in.” The man opened the
door wider. Dean didn’t like the way he looked at him, like a shark eyeing
fresh meat. Dean refused to be intimidated, meeting the gaze steadily as he
walked inside.
                “I don’t think I got your name.”
                “That’s because I didn’t give it.” Dean grit out angrily, eyes
trained on the ceiling, ears straining for any sound of his friend.
                “Let’s try this again. Perhaps with some manners for your elder
this time.” The man frowned, tone going from light and arrogant to deadly
serious. “I’m Zachariah Novak.”
                “Dean.” He ground his teeth, everything about Zachariah
repulsing him.
                “You know, most people show respect in another’s home.” The man
glared. “What’s your last name?” He snapped.
                “Winchester.” Dean reluctantly informed him.
                “Well then, Dean Winchester.” Zachariah suddenly beamed again.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He held out his hand. Dean eyed it warily before
reaching forward to shake. Zachariah had cold, dry hands. They were too soft
for Dean’s liking, but there was still strength in the grip. A sudden movement
from the corner of his eyes caught his attention. Dean turned to see Cas
standing frozen on the stairs, staring at them in shock.
                “Ah, Castiel!” Zachariah said, noticing his son as he dropped
his hand. “You didn’t tell me about your friend here.” He said lightly, but
Dean could feel the tense undercurrent to his words. Castiel didn’t answer,
just stared with wide eyes. “Perhaps we should invite him over for dinner
sometime!” Zachariah continued. “After all, it’s been years since Castiel here
had a friend over.”
                “No, that’s alright-“ Cas seemed to regain his voice, swiftly
descending the rest of the stairs.
                “Now, Castiel.” Zachariah playfully admonished, still smiling
sickly. “Don’t be rude. After all, Dean here is our guest. And we don’t want to
insult our guest, do we?”
                “No father.” Castiel hung his head.         
                “Great!” Zachariah beamed. “Hope you don’t have plans for
tonight. Castiel and I here had chicken noodle soup scheduled for dinner. It
would be my pleasure if you would join us.”
                Dean looked to Cas for what to do, but his friend kept his eyes
trained on the ground. Anger briefly flared. As much as Dean hated having to
spend any amount of time in Zachariah’s presence, he wasn’t going to leave
Castiel alone. “Sound great.” Dean finally answered, staring up defiantly at
Zachariah.
                “Good.” Zachariah smiled, but his eyes remained cold. “See you
at seven then. You boys had better be going before you’re late to school.”
                Castiel picked up his bag and followed as Dean left without a
word.
                “Son.” Zachariah called out and Castiel instantly stopped and
turned, still not meeting his father’s eyes. “No hug goodbye?” He held his arms
out, and Dean would swear he was smirking. Castiel dutifully walked up and
embraced his father quickly. Zachariah stared at Dean as he gave his son a kiss
on the top of his head. It made Dean’s stomach turn. “Have a good day at
school.” Zachariah called cheerfully as they finally escaped. As soon as the
door was closed, Zachariah frowned. Dean Winchester, huh? He would have to get
some people to do a bit of research into him before dinner that night.
                Sam had already moved to the backseat by the time they got to
the car. None of them said anything, just got in and drove off. “Hey Cas.” Sam
said hesitantly after they were a few blocks into their trip.
                “Hello Sam.” Cas replied, not a hint of emotion in his tone or
face.
                “How was your weekend?” Dean ground out, trying for casual
interest. Cas shrugged. Dean frowned, continuing. “What’s been up with you this
week man? I mean, things were great. Why’d they just fall apart like that?”
                Castiel shrugged again, avoiding eye contact. He seemed to draw
even more into himself. Dean sighed. “You hurting yourself again?”
                The other boy pushed his sleeves up, giving both brothers a
clear view of the blood soaked bandages. “Shit.” Sam breathed, leaning forward
and placing a hand on Castiel’s shoulder while giving him a look of pure pity
that Castiel didn’t see.
                “Shit.” Dean said a bit firmer, slamming his hand into the
wheel a few times before yelling. “Shit! Why man? Why did you do that? Why…why
now? Two weeks, Cas. Two weeks where you didn’t hurt yourself once, and you
just go and flush it down the drain.” Castiel pushed his sleeves back down,
still silent.
                “Answer me man!”
                “Dean-“ Sam started.
                “No!” Dean glared at his brother through the rearview mirror.
“No, this is between me and Cas. I just want an explanation.”
                “What can I say Dean?” his friend finally spoke. “What could I
possibly say that could make you understand. What excuse could I give that
would appease you.” And now he was glaring, but it was cold and distant, with
no real fury or really anything behind those eyes. They were dead eyes, Dean
thought, feeling chills go through him. All the life that he had seen blooming
in his friend was gone. There was nothing of the Castiel Dean had come to know
left.
                “How about we start with the truth.” Dean replied, quieter than
before.
                Castiel looked forward again, no emotion as he flatly answered
them, like he was stating facts for a test or something. “I’m a monster. I, I
used to be my mother’s little angel. But then I fell, everything and everyone I
touch I destroy. I damn. It took me awhile to realize it, but now I know. And
I’ve accepted it. I’ve accepted that I will serve my life here on earth until
my time expires, and then I will descend to the pits of hell for my true
penance to begin.”
                Dean didn’t answer for a long time, working the words over in
his mind. “Cas, man you shouldn’t think like that. I told you, what happened
when you were a kid was an accident. There was nothing you could do. Beating
yourself up like this, it’s killing you. You’re not a monster. Hell, you’re
closer to angel than most of the dickwads I know. You have to move on. I’m sure
your mom wouldn’t want you thinking like this either. If she was anything like
my mom was, then I know that she’s forgiven you a long time ago. And you should
do the same.”
                Cas shook his head, staring at his sleeves. “I.” His voice
finally cracked. “I don’t know how to. I don’t even know where to begin.”
                Sam leaned forward. “Let’s just take things one day at a time.
We’re here for you.”
                Dean voiced agreement, and Cas just nodding and continued
staring into his lap. That day, time seemed to pass like syrup in an hourglass.
Cas ate with them, and Dean spent so much time trying to pull his friend back
out of his shell that he all but forgot about Lisa sitting next to him. After
school, Cas went straight home to prepare dinner. Dean dropped Sam off at home
before heading back out. There was something he had to do.
                He went to Lisa’s house. Her parents weren’t home yet, and she
suggestively pulled him towards her bedroom. “Lisa, wait.” Dean frowned,
stopping in the hallway. “There’s something we need to talk about.”
                “You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” She said, no real
sadness or anger behind her words.
                “I’m sorry, it’s just-“
                “No need.” She held up her hands, smiling softly. “It’s Cas,
isn’t it. I guess I knew I would never really be able to compete with him. But
hey, we tried and it was fun while it lasted.”
                “What? No, that isn’t-“ Dean felt his cheeks heating.
                Lisa laughed, but not cruelly. “Don’t worry Dean. I’m not
judging you. It’s obvious the way you guys look at each other. There was no way
I would ever be able to break you guys apart.” How wrong she was, Dean thought
sadly.
                “So, friends then?” Dean finally said. “Friends.” She smiled,
agreeing before showing Dean to the door and giving him a quick hug on his way
out. Dean went home to shower and kill time before he couldn’t take it anymore
and left around 6:30. The drive wasn’t long, but by the time he pulled up to
see two cars in the driveway his dread had built to near breaking point.
Frowning, Dean stared at the second car. He wasn’t expecting anyone more than
Cas and his father being here.
                Zachariah answered the door with that sickly sweet smile,
letting him in and taking his coat. Dinner wouldn’t be ready for another few
minutes. He was led into the living room, where another boy from school and a
man who could only be his dad were already seated. Castiel was just visible
through the kitchen door, tending to the pot that sent delicious smells wafting
through the house.
                “Now.” Zachariah’s smile widened. “I’m sure you already know
Adam here.” Adam glared up at Dean before assuming a more polite expression at
a glance from his father. The man stood, approaching him. “Dean, right?”
                “Yes sir.” Dean answered, shaking hands. “Dean Winchester.”
                “Michael Milligan.” He answered, smiling friendly. Dean
couldn’t place it, he seemed like a good enough guy. But something about him
didn’t click right with Dean. Shrugging the feeling off, Dean allowed himself
to be ushered to the couch and accepted the glass of water Zachariah offered
him. They engaged in polite, meaningless conversation until Cas came in and
without even looking at Dean informed them that dinner was ready.
***** Chapter 11 *****
                When Zachariah got home that day, he pulled Cas aside to have a
talk before their guests arrived. “Now son.” Zachariah began. “You’ve been
slipping, haven’t you.” Castiel didn’t reply, just hung his head in shame. “We
talked about this. You wouldn’t want him finding out would you? You wouldn’t
want everyone finding out.”
                “No Father.” Castiel answered, looking up pleading. “It was
only at first, I swear. He threw me off, I wasn’t sure how to react. But I know
now. Dean won’t find anything out Father, I promise.”
                “He already suspects though.” His son nodded in answer. “Well
then, let’s just ease his suspicions tonight. You will play the role of a
perfect son. We can’t have any slips during dinner. Also, Michael and Adam will
be joining us. His wife is out of town for the week so I invited them over as
well. Don’t give anything away Castiel. This is very important, do you
understand?”
                “Yes Father.” He answered.
                “Good.” Zachariah beamed. “Now, before you start on dinner,
there’s one other small matter to see to.” He unzipped his pants, and that was
all Castiel needed to drop obediently before him.
                Castiel heard Michael and Adam arrive, and only minutes later
came Dean. His hands shook slightly, nerves racing. He took his time calming
himself, determined to give nothing away. Dinner went smoothly for the most
part. Everyone was polite, and if they all felt the tense atmosphere no one
gave it away. As everyone was finishing their food the topic of school finally
came up.
                “How’s school, Dean?” Zachariah asked.
                “It’s going good I guess.” Dean shrugged, finding more interest
in his soup than the man in front of him. “What about you Adam?” Zachariah
moved on.
                “It’s going well sir.”
                “Good!” Zachariah smiled. “Castiel?”
                “It’s going well Father.”
                Adam snickered, drawing all their attention to him. Dean
frowned. “Something to say, son?” Michael asked.
                “No sir, it’s just I found that funny is all.”
                “Why is that?” Zachariah was no longer smiling, attention sharp
and focused.
                “Well, it’s because he’s a cocksucker!” Adam exclaimed, hatred
clear as he gestured to Cas, who kept his gaze steadfast on his food as color
bloomed on his cheeks. “He sucks guys off between classes. School cumdumpster
should be his new name. I                mean, I’ve lost count of how many
times I’ve seen him leave the bathroom wiping cum off his face. Surprised he
still has any pants with their knees intact.”
                “Adam.” Michael warned and his son fell silent. Cas sat there,
shame burning through him. He couldn’t look up, hands shaking where he clenched
them in his lap. He supposed it was only a matter of time before his father
found out. The worst part was Dean, who didn’t say anything. What could he say,
he knew it was true, there was no defending it. Still, from where he sat he was
sure he could feel the fury emanating from his friend.
                “Is that true son?” Zachariah asked coldly, disgust evident.
                “Yes Father.” Cas finally looked up, meeting only his father’s
eyes.
                “You just ruin everything, don’t you?” Cas hung his head again,
accepting his father’s verbal abuse. “We can’t even have a pleasant dinner
without your actions ruining it, can we?”
                “I’m sorry Father.” Castiel felt the tears burning, but refused
to let them fall.
                “You destroy everything you touch!” And with that, Zachariah’s
fury bubbled over and he stood and stuck Castiel across the cheek. Hard. Cas
was stunned. His father never lost control like this. He never hurt his face,
and he certainly didn’t strike him in front of company. He tasted blood in his
mouth from where his teeth had cut into the soft side of his cheek, and he knew
there would be a bruise there in the morning.
                “Hey!” Dean finally spoke, standing.
                “And you!” Zachariah snarling, rounding on him. “You knew about
this?”
                “Yes.” Dean grit out, glaring at him.
                “Ha. I bet you do. Is that what this is? You just like fucking
that pretty little mouth of his, don’t you?” There was no warmth in Zachariah’s
tone, malice seeping through his every feature. Adam had the decency to look
appalled at the events brought on by his words. Michael shifted in his seat,
glancing uncomfortably at his son.
                “What? No, I would never-“ Dean blanched, looking quickly to
Cas before continuing. “It’s not like that.” He finished firmly.
                The sting in Castiel’s cheek paled in comparison to the blow
Dean’s words delivered to his chest. I would never,Dean had said. He didn’t
want Cas. That first time, being turned down had hurt. But Castiel had thought
that they had grown closer, had held selfishly onto that hope that maybe
someday…But now that hope was gone, leaving him empty inside.
                “I’m sure.” Zachariah sneered, before leaving the dining room
to dig out some beer from the fridge. “Entertain our guests for me, Castiel.”
He called without turning. Adam was pale. Dean was all but shaking in fury. Cas
sat there numbly, only now realizing that the tears had begun to fall without
his permission. Michael stood, professionally detached as he came over to clean
away the blood trickling out of the corner of Castiel’s mouth and examine the
injury.
                “Is this the first time he hit you?” Dean suddenly rounded,
angry.
                “Yes.” Castiel lied easily, feeling his emotions shutting down.
He felt nothing, cared to feel nothing as he sat there and let Michael apply
his ministrations.
                “Bullshit.” Dean growled. Castiel looked up, meeting everyone’s
eyes. “I apologize for my father’s outburst and my shameful behavior.”
                “You don’t need to apologize-“ Dean started.
                “We have some frozen yogurt in the freezer if everyone has
finished their dinner.” Castiel stood numbly, letting Michael’s hands trail off
as he headed for the kitchen. Zachariah came back in soon after, handing an
extra beer to Michael before scoffing, “Kids, right?”
                Michael looked uncomfortable, but nodded in agreement. “Well, I
suppose it was only to be suspected. Not only is my son a killer, but a whore
to boot.” Zachariah pulled a long drag from his beer. Dean fumed, crossing the
room and decking Zachariah before he even realized what he was doing. “You son
of a bitch.” Dean growled as Zachariah gaped up at his in shock. “He’s your
son!” Dean yelled. “He deserves so much better. If you bothered to get to know
him, you would know he’s a great kid! Not a killer. Not a whore. He has
problems, and you’re supposed to help him. You should protect him! Not beat
him. Not fuck with his head. It’s-“ Dean chuckled darkly. “You’re a shit dad,
you know that?”
                “Get out of my house.” Zachariah seethed. “Get out!” He
shouted, pointing at the door.
                “Not without Cas.” Dean stood his ground.
                “Fine!” Zachariah spat. “Take the whore with you. Just leave.
Now!”
                “Gladly.” Dean sneering, heading towards the kitchen. He only
faltered upon seeing Cas standing there, staring blankly at the frozen yogurt
in front of him as he shook slightly. Dean felt his heart break just a little
as he gently touched the boy’s shoulder. “C’mon Cas. Let’s get out of here.”
                Numbly, Cas allowed himself to be led out of the house and to
the car. Dean drove straight to Jody’s house, knowing she would be at home now
and not wanting to bring his friend straight into a station full of cops. “Hey
Cas.” Dean shook his friend, who finally looked up to take in his surroundings.
“Where are we?” He asked, confusion tilting his head to that perfect angle that
Dean hadn’t even realized he loved.
                “Remember the sheriff I told you about? Jody Mills? This is her
house.”
                “Oh.” Castiel’s brow wrinkled even further. “Why are we here?”
                “Because that bastard hurt you Cas. And I can’t just sit by any
longer. Should have brought you here a long time ago.”
                “But-“ Castiel tried.
                “No buts man. You’re going in there if I have to drag you in
myself.”
                “Okay.” Cas said tiredly, opening the door and slowly getting
out. Dean met him on the passenger side, and together they walked up the path.
Jody answered minutes after the first knock. She was an attractive woman
somewhere in her thirties with short dark hair and kind eyes. “Dean!” She
exclaimed. “Wasn’t expecting you here. What brings you by?” She narrowed her
eyes in suspicion, clearly suspecting Dean had gotten himself in trouble.
                “Hey Jody.” Dean smiled warmly. “Don’t worry, I’m not here for
me. Jody, this is my friend Cas. Cas, Jody.”
                “Nice to meet you Cas.” Jody smiled. Cas just nodded, eyes
never leaving the ground. Her smile faded a little. “So, again, what brings you
by?”
                “It’s his dad.” Dean started, eyes skirting to his friend. “He
hit him tonight. In front of me and two other witnesses.”
                “What?” Jody exclaimed, leaning forward to tilt Castiel’s chin
up so his face was bathed in porch light. She took one look at the bruise
forming on his cheek, expression hardening briefly before she stepping aside.
“Come on in boys.”
 
 
 
***** Chapter 12 *****
                Jody had called over a few of the other cops she worked with to
help take statements. They stopped by the Novak’s house on the way to get
Zachariah and the Milligan’s statements as well. Pictures were taken of
Castiel’s face to document the bruise. Every time they asked him if this was
the first time his father had stuck him, Cas adamantly replied that it was.
Dean tried to fight him on this, but given that Castiel denied past abuse and
refused to let himself be examined, the interrogation ended quite soon. Jody
pulled Dean to the side before the boys left.
                “This is a bad one.”
                “Tell me about it.” Dean glowered.
                “His father, Zachariah, he’s pretty high up there.”
                “What do you mean?” Dean reined his anger in, focusing on Jody.
                “I mean that he is pretty much a pillar of the community. An
otherwise upstanding citizen with lots of connections. That, coupled with this
being his first offense, well there isn’t really much we can do here. I’m sorry
Dean.”
                Dean visibly deflated. “Yeah. Me too.”
                “Look after him kiddo.” Jody ruffled his hair and kissed the
top of his head. After all, they were practically family. Jody had helped a lot
after his dad died, and she had always been close with Bobby and Ellen.
                “Don’t worry, I will.” Dean left with Cas in tow. He still
wasn’t talking a whole lot, but had thankfully stopped shaking long ago.
                “Hey man.” Dean tried for cheerful. “I don’t really want to go
home yet. How’s a movie sound?”
                “A movie?” Cas turned to him.
                “Yeah.” Dean chuckled nervously. “I mean, it’s been a pretty
shitty night so far. I thought some popcorn and mindless action flick might
help make today end on a better note. God knows I need the distraction.”
                “Alright.” Cas replied seriously, facing front once more.
                “Great!” Dean smiled. “It’s a date.”
                Cas visibly tensed beside him. “A…date?”
                “Sure, why not?” Dean was cheerful, too cheerful. In truth, he
was a wreck, emotions all over the place. But a quiet movie sounded good right
now, and by god it was well past time for Cas to have some normal, teenage
happiness in his life.
                “What about Lisa?” Cas asked coldly.
                “Out of the picture.” Dean replied firmly. “I broke up with her
early today. She’s great and all, but we weren’t working out.”
                Cas snorted. “Could have fooled me.” He said quietly. Dean
ignored him as they started the drive to the theater. They drove in silence,
but it wasn’t exactly uncomfortable. Somehow, it never was with them. When they
got out and made their way to the ticket counter, Dean reached out to take Cas’
hand. He faltered in his steps for a moment before tentatively twining their
fingers together. Dean smiled and tightened his grip. Dean ignored his protests
and insisted on paying for their tickets, drinks, and popcorn. He would have
gotten candy too, but Cas had frowned in disdain at the price and even Dean
felt his wallet screaming at him to stop. The movie didn’t matter, just some
mindless flic with explosions and car chases. The theater was practically empty
given it was pretty late on a school night. Still, Dean led them to the back
for a little more privacy. They settled into their seats, keeping the armrest
between them up. Dean threw his hand casually around Cas’ shoulder, and after a
few minutes of shifting to the most comfortable position, they settled in and
relaxed.
                They snacked on the popcorn as the previews began. Their hands
bumped a few times given they were sharing a bucket. Each time this happened,
Cas would withdraw his hand quickly. Dean took that as an invitation to grab up
a few of the more appetizing butter-coated pieces and bring them to Cas’ lips
for the boy to hesitantly take into his mouth. Dean grinned, gazing fondly at
the boy as the tension of the night slowly pooled out of them both.
                It was only a few minutes into the movie when all the emotions
from the night hit Castiel like a freight train. One tear fell, and then two,
and before he knew it his face was in his hands and he was shaking under Dean’s
arm. Dean pulled him in closer and brought his other hand up to try and brush
the tears away as he whispered comfort and peppered kisses into that sexy mess
of dark-tousled hair.
                “It’s okay. Just let it out.”
                “Why are you so kind to me Dean?” Cas sniffled, looking up.
“Why do you care?”
                “I don’t know.” Dean answered honestly. “But I think it has
something to do with the fact that I can’t bear to see you in so much pain. And
maybe, just maybe, I might be falling for you man.”
                “Don’t say that.” Cas breathed, panic flaring. “You don’t know
me.”
                “That’s what dating is for.” Dean smirked. “And I have nothing
but time.”
                “Dating, yes.” Cas smiled, small but there. “I like it. It’s
nice.”
                “Wait.” Dean pulled back a bit. “Don’t tell me you’ve never
been on a date before!”
                “It’s my first.” He smiled sadly.
                “But, at school.”
                “I was just servicing their needs. Nothing more. Never more.”
Castiel frowned, momentarily lost in thought.
                “Not anymore. Not if I can help it.” Dean growled, resting his
head on his hair and breathing the fresh scent in, chasing away the grease and
grime of the theater.
                “Not anymore. Especially now that my father knows. He’ll put a
stop to it for sure.” Cas sighed deeply.
                “No talk about him tonight Cas. Just you and me. Everything
else can wait for the morning.”
                “Alright.” Cas agreed, and the two didn’t talk for the rest of
the movie. Dean moved his free hand to the boys lap and let their hands
intertwine. Cas kept helping himself to the popcorn, feeding Dean pieces
whenever he nudged him. They shared the coke too, the other sitting forgotten
on the other side. After the movie, they both stopped in the bathroom before
leaving. Dean went straight to the urinals, but Cas opted for a stall. Dean
frowned, but didn’t say anything. After all, he guess he couldn’t blame him.
After all, Dean wasn’t sure if he would be able to keep his eyes to himself
either.
                It was nearly midnight by the time they made it back to Dean’s
house. Jody had called Ellen and told her about what happened. No one said
anything, but everyone had sat up until they got home. Hugs were dealt out all
around, and everyone made sure Cas knew he was welcome there anytime. That he
was family too, and loved by them. Cas felt tears threatening again, but they
were happy tears this time. He choked out thanks, and returned each embrace
fiercely. He had a home here. Not a house, not a place where he learned his
place or paid his penance, but an actual home.
                They went to bed soon after. The air mattress was set up for
him, but Dean pulled him into his bed and threw the covers over them. “Don’t
worry.” Dean smiled. “We won’t do anything you don’t want.”
                “Hold me.” Is all Cas said, and Dean did, pulling him in
tightly. Dean gave him one soft, chaste kiss on the lips, the gentlest kiss he
had ever given, before the two settled in to sleep.
                Word about what happened had already spread through the school
like wildfire. Cas could feel the stares and whispers like flames licking the
back of his neck. His face burned, but Dean was there to grab his hand and
ground him. Luckily, thanks to his newfound friends, no one gave him any
trouble. The teachers all threw glances of pity his way, but luckily no one
confronted him.
                Adam stopped by at lunch, ignoring the icy glares pinning him
down. “I’m here to talk to him.” He said firmly, nodding towards Castiel.
                “Like hell you are.” Dean snarled. Cas placed a placating hand
on his arm. “It’s okay Dean.” He said softly.
                “Anything you want to say to him, you can say to us.” Jo
glowered, leaving no room for argument.
                “Fine.” Adam snapped. “Look, I’m not your friend, and I’m not
here to become one. I’m here because I was a dick-“
                “Damn right you were.” Dean interrupted.
                “Anyways.” Adam continued, annoyed. “I just wanted to
apologize. It was a low blow man. I never should have said those things. I
didn’t know about what was going on at home.”
                “Nothing is going on.” Cas cut in to fast, tight-lipped with
only a hint of panic in his eyes.
                “Yeah, sure. Whatever you say.” Adam snorted. “Me and my dad
don’t really get along. I blamed you because of how much time he spends with
your family, but I shouldn’t have done that. My problem is with my old man, not
you. But I took my anger out on you, and I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I
would take it back if I could.”
                “Doesn’t matter. Damage is done sunshine, no going back now.”
Dean smiled coldly, fists clenching.
                “Dean.” Cas moved his hand to his shoulder, calming him. “It’s
okay. And Adam.” He turned to the other boy. “You hurt me, yes. And you made my
father angry, and he hurt me. But you only spoke the truth. It was my actions
that caused this, not your words. I hold no grudge against you.” Dean gaped at
Cas, shocked at how easily he shouldered the blame that should belong to the
skinny slimeball in front of them.
                Adam smiled. “Well, now I really feel like a dick. You ever
need anything, I’m here. Way I see it, I still owe you. Anyways, later.” He
gave half a wave before walking off. Dean still gaped at Cas, but it had
softened into something more of admiration. How he ever caught this sweet
angel’s eye will always be a mystery to him, but Dean is hella glad that he
did.
                “You’re amazing. You know that, right Cas?” Dean said, leaning
forward for a brief kiss. The table erupted into catcalls, groans emitting from
Sam and a muttered, “I’m so gonna need to bleach my brain now.”
                True to his word, Adam managed to get the whole baseball team
that he was captain of behind his back. Anyone tried to hurt or fuck with
Castiel, and they would have an entire team armed with baseball bats to deal
with.
                School ended for the day, and they were just leaving when a
familiar car pulled up. Dean felt Cas stiffen beside him before looking up and
feeling himself tense as well. Zachariah shut off his car and got out. “Son.”
He nodded somberly.
                “Father.” Castiel replied, eyes downward.
                “The fuck are you doing here?” Dean spat. Zachariah shot an
irritated glance his way before visibly softening his gaze and returning his
attention to his son. “I’m here to apologize.” He said softly, meekly Dean
would have thought if he didn’t know the bastard. “Things got out of hand last
night. I regret to say I let my temper get the best of me. The news, well I
just wasn’t expecting it. I’ve had time to calm down and think it over. I’ve
confessed my sins to the Lord and am here to ask for your forgiveness as well.
I’m here to set things right. I’m here to take you home, son.”
                “Like hell you are.” Dean tightened his grip, but Cas pulled
away. “It’s alright Dean.” He said quietly before looking up at his father. “I
forgive you.”
                “Great!” Zachariah beamed. “How does ice cream sound, son? You
can even bring your friend.” Despite Dean’s misgivings, they agreed to meet at
a local dinner that had the best Ice Cream Sundays in the state. Zachariah was
amiable, playing the role of a loving and apologetic father perfectly. Castiel
slid smoothly into the role of devout son. It was like before, like when mom
was still alive. And even though Cas knew it was all an act, he still held out
hope that it was true. That his father still loved him and he would truly be
going back to a home. Dean didn’t want him to go, but Cas assured him it would
be alright. Driving home that night, worry ate at Dean like a virus. But Cas
had said everything was okay, and it was the least Dean could do to trust him.
They had a few days left before Friday. Zachariah had agreed to let Cas spend
weeknights with Dean from now one, but weekends were still for their family.
Things were looking up, and the light had returned to Cas’ eyes. Despite his
worry, Dean felt better than he had in a long time. Hell, if he was being
honest, Dean would admit that he was happy. And he owed it all to a blue-eyed
angel who had innocently kissed him goodbye with the sweet taste of ice cream
still on his lips. And Dean would be damned if he would let anyone or anything
take his angel from him again.
 
 
 
***** Chapter 13 *****
                That night was actually quite peaceful for Cas. With the sudden
spotlight on their family, Zachariah had to be careful. He had his son blow
him, but other than that avoided him for the rest of the night. School was
marvelous. Castiel resumed his transcription of the Bible surrounded by the
accepting atmosphere of friendship. Dean could barely keep his mouth to
himself. Castiel pursued these kisses like a drowning man, basking in the warm
intimacy of the act, so much different than what he had grown up with. Dean
joked about him being his first kiss as well.
                “Sorry Dean.” Cas smiled. “But someone beat you to that a long
time ago.”
                “What?” Dean exclaimed, mock appalled. “Spill then. Who was
your first.”
                “Balthazar Roche. Everyone called him Sebastian though, that’s
his middle name. We were best friends growing up. He always loved playing the
villains. We were running around the playground, when he convinced me it would
be a good idea to play batman. Which meant, of course, that I would play Batman
and he would be the beautiful Poison Ivy, seducing me with a kiss. We played
house a few times too, Anna being our baby and Gabriel stepping in as the cool
uncle. Looking back, I think that he was just looking for excuses to kiss me. I
liked it too though. Later on, after I realized I was gay, I understood our
attraction a lot better. He moved back to England a year after my mother died.
I really shut down after that, didn’t go out much, didn’t make any new friends.
Until now.” Cas smiled and squeezed Dean’s hand.
                That whole week was quiet for Castiel. Things definitely
weren’t good at home, his father barely spoke to him unless it was to command
sexual gratification. School only got better and better, and Cas found himself
breaking out more and more. They went swimming on Thursday, enjoying some of
the last few days of warmth. The girls wore bikinis of varying stages of
indecency, and the boys all took their shirts off. Cas kept on a black, long
sleeve under armor shirt to go with his blue swimming trunks that matched his
eyes. “C’mon man. Loosen up. Besides, I bet Dean is dying to see what you got
underneath that shirt. Pants too, I bet.” Charlie had joked. Both boys flushed,
but Dean told her to knock it off and leave Cas alone.
                Afterwards, Dean and Cas separated from the others and went to
the tree house for a lazy make out session. Things quickly got heated, and
before long Cas was pressed into the floor with Dean sprawled heavily on top of
him. With a shock, Castiel realized that Dean had a boner. Not only that, but
Cas had one as well. It had been a long time since he grew hard during sex,
usually keeping his arousal limited to the shower. It felt good though, and Cas
shamelessly rutted up against Dean, moaning into his mouth. Dean responded in
kind, pressing down in deliciously smooth slides, the friction of their shorts
only adding to their pleasure. It wasn’t enough though, and Dean began stroking
his hands down until they rested on Castiel’s hips, fingertips just brushing
skin under his shirt.
                Cas froze instantly, fear quickly softening his flesh. Dean
stopped too, pulling back sharply. “Something wrong?”
                “Yes. I mean, I’m sorry Dean. It’s just, do you think we could
leave the cloths on?”
                Dean stared at him for a long searching moment before
relenting. “Whatever you want Cas. Do you want to go back to, you know.” Dean
smiled and waggled his eyebrows. Castiel returned a smaller, sadder smile. “No.
That was very pleasant, but it’s getting late. We should go home.”
                Dean groaned burying his head into Cas’ neck. “You’re gonna be
the death of me.” He muttered before standing, pulling his friend up with him.
They held hands the whole way back, stopping now and then for a quick kiss.
Dean gripped his bony frame, skinny but strong, once again putting on muscle
now that their workout sessions were back in swing.
                Friday was bittersweet. It would only be a few days, but
neither wanted to spend the weekend apart. On top of that, it would be the
first weekend to the cabin since the dinner incident, and Cas wasn’t fooling
himself into thinking he would get off without some sort of punishment. His
fears were realized on the long drive there.
                “Well son, you just had to go and fuck it up. We had everything
scheduled perfectly, but selfish as you are, you had to go and ruin it. So,
from now on, Fridays will be your day of penance. Saturdays you will service
the needs of this family. After all, we need the money to keep your expensive
ass provided for.” That was a lie of course. Zachariah made plenty at his job,
he just like the extra thousands lying around for his gambling addictions.
“Sundays you will rest and recover. You will eat three, well-balanced meals.
Get plenty of sleep and go for a long run to loosen everything up. Can’t have
you limping or walking awkwardly come Monday. This is a real inconvenience,
Castiel. I’m disappointed in you.”
                “I know Father.” He answered quietly. That night, Zachariah
burned over the scar on his chest with the branding iron first thing. He beat
his torso mercilessly, pulling out the whip far earlier than normal to avoid
bruised knuckles. It wasn’t long before he stopped, carefully measuring how
much damage he could get away with. After that, he threw some water on the
stove to boil before filling the tub with cold water and dumping in bag after
bag of ice. Castiel sat in the freezing water until his lips began to blue. He
was then dragged out and shoved down as Zachariah dumped the steaming water
onto his lap. Castiel was still screaming when he was thrown back into the tub.
This was repeated three times. The water was hot, but not hot enough to leave
lingering burns. They would be gone come Monday. He was then strapped face-down
onto the table. Zachariah shoved a funnel into his asshole, pouring the rest of
the water in. It felt so much hotter inside him, and Castiel shrieked until
only choked breaths came out.
                Zachariah threw him into the night, naked and shivering, to
sleep in the empty woods until morning. Castiel woke the next day to a car
pulling up, followed by more mere minutes later. Lilith was there. It had been
awhile since Cas had seen her, though he knew she sent many customers his
father’s way for an expensive night with his son.
                Zachariah called Cas in to shower, snickering as all newcomers
leered at his naked boy. Once Cas was clean, Zachariah brought him to the
living room, the most spacious room in the cabin. All the furniture had been
moved, leaving only the coffee table behind. Dick Roman, Michael Milligan,
Alastair Payne, Azazel and Lilith Daemon (it’s no wonder they turned to the
profession they were in now, given their satanic cult-like upbringing if their
names were anything to go by), his uncle Lucas, Zachariah himself, and two new
faces that Cas knew he would never learn the names of were all standing around
him. Lilith held a small camera in her hand. She was there to direct and
record. The others were there to fuck Cas into the ground.
                He felt his palms sweating. His father had set him up with a
few threesomes in the past, but he had never been gangbanged before. Somehow,
he knew that it would not be pleasant. He was right. It was long and
exhausting, and by the time he got through them all the first ones were hard
again. He had never had two dicks in his ass at once before, which quickly
changed that day. It was horrible, demeaning, painful, and when he wasn’t
staring at dicks in his face the camera was there to take their place. Tears
fell until there was no moisture left to give. And still the day steadily
dragged on. The others took breaks for food, but all Cas was given was the
peanut butter he had to suck off balls and penis after penis, all covered in
his own excrement and blood. He licked it out of pubic hair and forcefully
swallowed the few strands that came free down his throat with everything else.
They gave him water regularly to keep his mouth moist, but spared no other
comfort for him. And still the camera’s evil eye trailed him, following every
movement and every spike of flush-filled shame.
                “What’s wrong Castiel?” His father asked a few hours into the
session, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “I thought I was doing you a
service, son. After all, clearly I wasn’t meeting your appetite before. With
everything I gave you, you still sought out more from your classmates. Well, no
worries. From now on, I will make sure you have more than enough dick to
satisfy your needs. Because that’s all I ever do for you, you selfish bastard.
I make sure that you get what you need, what you deserve. Because I am your
father, and owe it to you and your mother to make sure that you suffer, but
remain sated with all of your unholy desires. Because you are my son, and I
love you. Now, show me how much you love me.” And with that Castiel found his
mouth full of hot, hard flesh that he instinctively sucked and licked and
stroked to completion. The day wore on, long and exhausting. Come early
evening, Castiel had nothing left to give. The others paid his father their due
and departed, Cas long since asleep by the time they left. That Sunday was
painful and difficult. He was used to the burn in his lower extremities, but
this brought the pain to a whole new level. He felt blood, not sweat, trickling
down his legs as he awkwardly gaited out his run.
                The food and rest helped, but nothing seemed to ease the ache
he felt within. It took his father’s perverse persuasion to chide him into
straightening out his stride as he completed lap after lap. The food was
delicious, but sat hollowly in his stomach. Monday was fast approaching, and
Castiel longed for it in equal amounts of dread and hope. His soul itself sang
for Dean’s presence, steadfast beside him. At the same time, he felt the urge
to shield himself from that prying gaze. After all, Dean brought him happiness,
but in an instant Dean could learn the truth. And then, Castiel was certain
that nothing but pain and sorrow would come of that discovery. He was torn,
conflicted in ways he never knew possible. And it hurt, but it shone so
brightly in the darkness within that he couldn’t resist it. He was addicted to
the taste of happiness Dean had brought him. And he would do anything to keep
that spark in his life.
                So he did as commanded, became once again the obedient son for
the weekend, and atoned for his crimes. In the back of his mind, Dean never
left him. And he held on to the feeling of warmth engulfing him with every
harsh thrust. For the first time since Cas could clearly remember, he finally
saw a light at the end of his sorrow. A light that shown with the green of
leaf-filtered sunlight and golden skin warped around a friendly, heavenly
smile. He was surrounded by the memory of friendship and love, and it made
everything he went through bearable. It made all his pain worth it for the
knowledge of another week spent in the company of friends. So Castiel did all
that was asked of him without complaint, and in his darkest of shame he held on
to that burst of light. Dean would be there, and Castiel was determined to
never push him away again.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Dean and Cas steadily grew closer, but there were still minefields full of
barriers between them. They told each other everything about themselves except
for the most important bits. After Dean’s little heart-to-heart they had so
long ago, neither boy felt like broaching the subject again. Too many skeletons
they would like to pretend had been laid to rest in their past. Sam teased
them, but good-naturedly. After all, seeing his brother happy made him happy,
and Castiel’s rare smile was always contagious.
                They still worked out, and had begun studying together as well.
Dean taught Cas how to fight, and Cas focused on teaching Dean how NOT to fail
all his classes. Days turned into weeks. At least once or twice a week Cas
would even spend the night, but never on weekends. Mondays and Fridays were the
worst in Dean’s opinion. Mondays Cas was reserved, withdrawn, and clung to Dean
tightly, not speaking but needing the reassurance the Dean was truly there with
him. Fridays Cas was bright and open again, but there was a sadness there at
the approach of another weekend.
                Meg still openly flirted with Cas, even though Dean laid a
clear claim on his lips whenever they were in her presence. She’d merely roll
her eyes and continue on making lewd remarks and obvious winks. Cas always
blushed, still so innocent for someone with the reputation that stubbornly
clung to him. Uriel and Raphael had turned to other means of getting their
satisfaction from him. There were no more bathroom encounters, but the stalls
were covered with all forms of shameful writing that he endured every visit.
Cas sucks dick
Novak takes it in the ass and the mouth
Castiel has herpes
For the best head, find blue-eyes
Cas is a whore
                The list went on and on, every a few drawing of a stick figure
labeled as him on his knees in front of a long line of guys. There wasn’t a
single stall he could find that had been spared the graffiti. Not just that,
rumors would spread about him, usually involving street corners and cheap
nights of him servicing needs. A few about him bending over for teachers to get
the good grades he currently received. But none of this touched him too
closely, surrounded by friends. Adam was still distant, but helpful. Crowley
had taken an increased interest every since the school found out about his dad
hitting him.
                Crowley would come over uninvited and use his best smooth talk
to try and worm information out of him. Cas didn’t bite though. Eventually, Cas
noticed boys following him. Dean and Sam cornered one of them after a few days
of strange behavior. It took one threat from Dean and the kid spilled
everything. Crowley had blackmail on him, and was making him trail Cas, find
out everything he could about him. Castiel shifted uneasily. Being watched so
closely, he would have to be even more careful. If Crowley found out, then it
wouldn’t be long before everyone, including Dean, knew as well.
                Dean still respected Castiel’s reservations about clothing
being removed, but it didn’t stop him from trying. They got into a pretty big
fight the day before Halloween. Cas was still sore, his father had carved the
thrice repeatedkiller into his flesh again the night before. Dean had tried to
grind into Cas, who had merely slightly recoiled. After a few minutes of his
obvious disinterest in the progression of intimacy, Dean finally lost it.
                “Really, Cas? I mean, I’m trying here, I’m really fucking
trying. But if I’m wasting my time with this, with us, then just let me know.”
Dean fumed. This was the longest he had been without sex since his first time
four years prior. And while he might have taken care of his frustrations daily
in the shower, it still didn’t make getting blue balls every time he and Cas
got carried away any easier. And now, to top that off, Cas couldn’t even be
bothered to get hard anymore.
                “I’m sorry, Dean. It’s just, I’m not quite comfortable yet
with-“
                “Not comfortable? You? Cas, the first day we met you sucked off
three guys in the bathroom. Fuck, you even tried to get on your knees for me
once.”
                “I can do that again, if you want.” Cas answered quietly, eyes
downcast. Dean felt himself deflate a little. “No man, I mean, I would love it
and all, but that’s not what relationships are like. It’s more…I scratch your
back you scratch mine sorta thing.”
                “Perhaps we could…satisfy each other. Without removing
clothing?”
                Dean chuckled. “I don’t want to come in my pants, and I don’t
want you to either. All the way or nothing at all. Understand?”
                “Yes.”
                “So…you mean we can-“
                “I merely affirmed my understanding, Dean. My stand remains the
same. I’m…I’m not comfortable with you seeing my body Dean.”
                “But you are comfortable with my dick in your mouth?”
                “Yes.”
                “Just not the other way around, is that it?”
                Cas nodded. Dean sighed. “This is so fucked up.”
                “I apologize, Dean. If this is a hardship for you-“
                “Nope.” Dean cut him off. “Not even going to go there. Just,
we’ll keep on like we have been I guess. Because I would rather have
permanently blue balls than to have to look at you and know you weren’t mine
anymore.” That was as close as Dean ever got to an I love you.Cas smiled.
                “It’s okay. I love you too.”
                “Yeah, shut up you old sap.” Dean blushed, ducking his head for
one last kiss before they head downstairs for dinner. Benny was back with
gumbo, again, but no one was complaining. The table was friendly as always. Cas
really was family now, at least on Mondays through Thursdays. The rest of the
time, he was definitely as far from family as possible, at least in his own
head.
                Halloween was definitely an event. Cas had convinced his father
to let him attend the party, even though it was a Friday. Dean wasn’t sure how
he convinced his father, but he was glad. And if Cas winced sitting down, he
always made sure Dean was looking away first. It was truly a great night. Cas
was an angel, because Dean had joked that he was his angel. Still, the wings
and halo were all they got from the costume shop. Cas had been stubborn though,
and instead of getting the small, fluffy white ones he was initially steered
towards, he went for the larger, sleek black ones. Smiling sadly, he thought
they would match the tattoos on his back, if his tattooed wings were whole
again that is. He wore a simple suit with the same tan trench coat he wore the
first day he met Dean. Everyone joked that he looked like a holy tax
accountant. Castiel didn’t agree, but still laughed along with his friends.
                Dean was a vampire. Well, he got the fangs and wore them off
and on throughout the night. He was still clad in jeans, a plaid flannel, and
worn leather jacket. But he said that made him a vampire. Benny was one as
well, but he went all the way, even wearing a long cloak that made him look
older and more formal than everyone was used too. Jo was covered in fake blood
and guts, claiming to be the victim of a dog attack. Charlie of course was
Hermione, and Sam had devil horns and bloody lips, claiming to be the devil
himself. Crowley even showed up in a suit with a cheap crown, smirking with a
“King of Hell, obviously” whenever his costume was questioned. Garth went full-
fledged werewolf for the night. Ruby was a demon, Lisa a zombie cheerleader,
Jessica wore a red, flowing short dress. “I’m fire, obviously. Can’t have hell
without it, and with Sam being the devil and all…”
                “What she means to say is that she lights the fire in his
loins.” Charlie cut in, causing both Sam and Jessica to blush crimson red. Meg
wore a simple black outfit, saying she was a badass and leaving it at that.
Kevin wore a suit, saying that he was president. And with that, the most
ridiculous group of teenagers partied through the night. It seemed like half
the school had shown up. Crowley was hosting at his house, what with his
parents gone and all. Dean convinced Cas to try some of the beer someone had
brought, but after his second cup, he stopped. Tomorrow would be bad enough for
him, he didn’t want to add hangover to the mix.
                Crowley approached Bela Talbot, British like himself. He knew
that Dean and Bela didn’t really get along. Bela had been after Dean since he
stepped foot in school, scorned at every attempt. First it was Lisa in her way,
and now Cas. “Hello darling.” Crowley smirked.
                “Fergus.” She drawled, knowing the boy hated his first name.
True to form, he scowled. “Crowley!”
                “Fergus.” She repeated, smirking.
                “Listen here, you bitch.” He leaned in a little closer. “I
happen to have photograph evidence of you lifting thousands of dollars in
jewelry from that shop last week. No, if you don’t want this information
finding its way to the nearest police station, then I suggest you undertake a
little favor that I have planned.”
                Bela tensed. “Upstairs.” She snapped, leading the gloating boy
to an empty room before shutting and locking the door behind them. “What do you
want.” She growled.
                “A certain little misunderstood blue-eyed angel has taken my
interest. I want you to set up surveillance in his house. Make sure they can’t
find the cameras. Review the information regularly and report anything out of
the ordinary to myself.”
                “For how long?”
                “Until I am satisfied. Until I say you are done, you whore.”
                “And afterwards?”
                “After my curiosity is sated and I deem your job well done,
then the pictures I have of you will be destroyed. Do we have a deal?”
                “Deal.” Bela eventually grated out, shaking the smirking boys
hand.
                “Excellent.” Crowley drawled. “No, unless we’re going to get
hot and heavy in that bed over there, I have a party to get back to.”
                “You’re a pig.” Bela seethed, storming to the door. She would
set up surveillance as told, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to be playing by
his rules. Anything she found, anything she saw, she would decide what to do
with. After all, if the boy was suffering at home, then it would only be fair.
After all, if he eventually broke, the Dean would be hers and hers alone. The
next day she went to the house to find it empty. Cameras were installed in
every room after the simple break-in she performed. Back in her house, she
checked to make sure they were all working. The batteries would be changed
weekly, but that wouldn’t be a problem. After all, her research told her that
the house would be empty almost every weekend. It would be a long few months,
but it was better than jail time. And so she settled in to watch, reviewing all
the footage every few days.
                Weeks went by, and every day she told Crowley that nothing out
of the ordinary was happening yet. But there was a decent portfolio of
screenshots she printed out accumulating in her room. Those sick fucks gave her
a hell of a lot of footage to work with. She knew exactly what she would do
with it too. After all, what better Christmas present to give Dean than
pictures of his precious boyfriendwith his mouth and ass full of his father’s
cock. If anything could end their relationship, she was sure this was it. And
after Dean dumped his disgusting lover boy, then who else but Bela would he
turn too? She smiled, settling in to review more frames, immensely glad that
Crowley picked her for the task. She printed a few more images that night
before turning in. Christmas couldn’t come fast enough.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Notes
     I apologize, but posts are going to slow down here for a bit. I've
     been having to work later, which means less time for writing. Posts
     will come as often as I have time, but may or may not be every day as
     has been my habit in the past.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                Weeks went by, routine falling seamlessly into their lives. Cas
felt joy bubbling over every day of the week. Weekends were a dark blot on his
life, but so much easier than before. His father still beat him, but much less
frequently. Instead, he inflicted mental torture on his son, verbally lashing
out and shredding self-esteem every chance he got. The brand on his chest and
the words carved into his shaft were renewed weekly, but other than that and
the lashings coupled with beatings were all that was inflicted. Cas
continued
 to be gangbanged every Saturday, and the film collection his father had grew.
Occasionally, he would pull out the dresses and make-up for more photos of
humiliation on Sundays, which only increased as Castiel’s physique hardened and
filled_out from his work-outs with Dean.
                It was the Friday before Thanksgiving, and Cas and Dean made
out for as long as they could before separating, neither of them knowing if
they would spend any time of their break together or not. They were more or
less distracted by the time Zachariah pulled up, interrupting them with a
cough. The two jolted apart, sharing an awkward goodbye before Cas climbed into
the car. His father seemed displeased, but Cas was too happy and warm to care.
He touched his lips reverently. Even after all this time, he never grew
tired
 of the feeling of Dean’s lips on his own. The ride home was silent, but
Zachariah quickly let his mind be known the second they were behind the closed
doors of their house.
                “You and Dean have gotten quite close, haven’t you son?”
                “Yes Father.” Cas met his eyes, emboldened by his time with
Dean. He was fighting back more, something that displeased his father.
                “But you’re not fucking him.” Zachariah said quietly. Castiel’s
downcast expression was all the answer he needed. “No, you can’t fuck him, can
you. Because then he would learn your shame. He would see the dirty stains on
your soul, and leave you in the cold. If he knew who you were, he wouldn’t want
you anymore, would he?” Zachariah
continued
 darkly, stepping closer to his son.
                “No, he wouldn’t.” Castiel answered, believing it to be true.
                “But I do know you son. And I haven’t left you. I’ve been good
to you Castiel. But perhaps it wasn’t enough. Perhaps your sin and lust-clouded
desires were too much for you to resist. Am I not good enough for you? After
everything I do?”
                Castiel didn’t know how to answer. “Father?”
                “Hmm. I’ve been thinking, Castiel. And I realized that you
haven’t been enjoying our time together, have you?”
                Castiel knew better than to answer.
                “So, tonight, I’m going to make you come. I’m going to blind
you with pleasure, and send every thought of Dean as far from your brain as I
can.” Zachariah leaned closer. “Is that what you want, son?”
                Castiel shivered, but before he could answer, his father’s arms
were a vice around him and his lips pressed into his own. He panicked, feeling
bile rise as his father wormed into his mouth. Blue, wide-eyes stared into the
scrunched up concentration of his father’s closed expression. Hands roved over
him, pulling closer before releasing a stumbling Cas back into the wall.
                “Come upstairs, son. I bought us some toys to use.” His father
smirked, grabbing his hand and leading the stunned boy upstairs to his room.
Cloths were removed, and more kissing and groping took place before Castiel
found himself sprawled on the bed, his cock in Zachariah’s hand. It didn’t take
long to work him to hardness, unaccustomed as he was to behind on the receiving
end of such treatment. It all felt wrong, so wrong, but the pleasure stubbornly
persisted. When he was close, his father slipped a cold, metal ring around him
before turning his son over and exploring his ass with lube-covered fingers. He
quickly found his prostrate, and stroked and stroked at it until his son was a
writhing mess beneath him.
                Zachariah filled him, and thrust smoothly as his hand wormed
around to beat his cock in time with his movements from behind. Castiel hung on
the edge for what felt like days, the pleasure almost painful with how
sensitive he found himself. His father came, but continued stroking and
returned his fingers. What felt like hours later, Castiel was flipped back
over. One hand returned to his cock, the other his hole as lips attached to
nipples to suck and nip and lave. His father worked his way up and down him,
returning to his lips here and there. Castiel felt disgusted with himself. He
had never enjoyed being with his father before, and the thought that he could
ever like it terrified and repelled him. By the time the ring was removed and
Cas screamed through pulse after agonizing pulse of his orgasm, he was weak and
shaking. His father smirked, kissing him once more before going to shower.
Castiel cried. This hurt in a way he never thought possible.
                Shame filled him, and in that moment Cas hated himself. Hated
his body. Hated his pleasure. Even though it had been weeks since he last cut
himself, the razor found its way into his hand and blade into his flesh. He
watched the blood flow numbly, allowing his father to clean and bandage him
afterwards. They curled together in the same bed to sleep, much to Castiel’s
displeasure. This was all new, all wrong, and he found himself longing for the
days before Dean. Where pain was all he knew and everything was familiar.
Everything had its place. But now, all that was shattered, and Cas felt himself
break in a way he hadn’t in a long time. It was like that first night his
father had taken a 7 year old Cas to bed, confused and scared.
                His uncle came over the next day, and the two took him over and
over for the next few days. His father left for business late Wednesday night,
and Lucas returned home to spend thanksgiving with his girlfriend. Cas would be
alone until Saturday, when his father had promised an immediate trip to the
cabin.
                Thanksgiving morning, Cas decided to call Dean.
                “Hello?” Dean answered groggily, clearly enjoying the benefits
of sleeping in.
                “Hello, Dean.” He smiled fondly.
                “Cas? Hey, what’s up!” Dean seemed to perk up. They hadn’t
spoken since Friday, and Cas had been neglecting his phone with his father and
uncle around.
                “Well, my father is out of town until Saturday, and I was
wondering if I could come over. I know its Thanksgiving and all, and I don’t
want to impose-“
                “Wait, what? That’s awesome! And impose? No way man! You’re
family, and no way in hell am I letting you spend Thanksgiving alone. Give me
half an hour and I’ll be over to pick you up!” Cas could practically hear the
smile in Dean’s voice.
                “I’ll be waiting.” Cas answered, hanging up. That warmth in his
chest was back, and despite the past few days, he felt happy again. For the
first time since his mother died, Cas would have a real Thanksgiving, spent
with people who cared for him. No more siblings that he kept at arm’s length to
protect them and himself, no more Father who looked at him and saw nothing but
his dead wife, no more beatings after turkey. Just friends, family, and
something to be thankful for.
                It was a great day. The food was perfect, the atmosphere warm
and friendly. Everyone helped out in their too-crowded kitchen, sharing smiles
and good-natured bickering. Cas forgot about his past, forgot about home, his
scars, everything. Right then and right there, he was part of the family. He
was accepted, belonged, and with all his heart he longed for the day when he
would be able to live in a place like this. He had never given thought to the
future, always thinking it would be much the same. But now? Now he pictured
himself and Dean, growing ever closer as the years went by. He pictured Sam,
bickering back and forth with him as a brother. He imagined coming here for
dinner’s, for drinking contests with Ellen and Jo (and from what he had seen,
those two could hold their liquor better than most men he knew). He saw Charlie
gentling teasing him as she introduced him to new levels of “nerdiness”. She
was truly like his little sister, so much different from Anna but still so
loved, the same fire burning inside to break free of all expected of them and
achieve new heights of their own making.
                He felt a stab of longing then. Gabriel had always been kind,
even with his pranks. No matter the time of day, candy was always on hand he
would willingly offer up to Castiel, even as he jealously hoarded his stash
from the rest of humanity. Anna was sweet in her own way, never judging her
brothers and always listening if they came to her. She was tough, like Jo, and
could hold her own even at the young age of 11. He knew she probably hated
boarding school, especially the Catholic one she was at. But she was free.
Castiel wrote her occasionally, but less frequently as their time apart drew
one. Gabriel was in college now, majoring in art. And boy, could he draw.
Castiel still had pictures from him hidden in a box under his bed. Even though
he was only 19, Gabriel already had connections. He knew some people, good
friends of his, who owned a gallery, and posted his work almost faster than he
could whip pieces out, making him a good profit. He was also exploring avenues
in animation, and making friends in several corporations who promised him jobs
as soon as he had his degree. They would both shine, excelling at everything
they did.
                But Castiel had no idea what he wanted to do, not yet. So long
as Dean was by his side though, he knew that he would achieve whatever he set
his mind on. Perhaps something with children, after all Castiel loved them,
loved helping them and playing with them. Maybe a teacher, or even a counselor.
Who knows, maybe he would even become a college professor in history or foreign
language or English, his three favorite subjects.
                His musing was interrupted by arms wrapping around his waist
and lips pressing to his neck. “What’re you thinking about.” Dean mumbled into
his skin. Castiel smiled. “I’m thinking about how happy I am. Here, with you
and your family.”
                “Well, perhaps I can make you even more happy.” Dean grinned,
turning the boy in his arms to press lips to soft lips. It was chaste enough,
after all there was family in the room, but enough to tug Castiel’s smile even
wider as the siblings catcalled. Dean kissed him again before chuckling and
bowing to the others as they laughed and applauded. Sam groaned, covering his
eyes with a large hand, but smiling at his brother’s happiness.
                The food was delicious, Ellen making sure that helping after
helping was stacked onto everyone’s plate.
                “So Castiel.” Ellen began, glaring until the table quieted down
enough for her to be heard. “I hear your father is out of town for a few days.”
                “Yes mam.” Castiel replied after swallowing a mouthful of
mashed potatoes covered in the most succulent gravy he had ever tasted. “I was
wondering if I could spend the night.”
                “Of course, you’re welcome here anytime.” She smiled. “Just
make sure you boys use protection.”
                Both Cas and Dean turned bright shades of red. “Ellen-“ Dean
sputtered. “We-we’re not..”
                Ellen laughed. “I know you’re not. But I wasn’t born yesterday.
I was a teenager once, and now I have a house full of them. You’ve all been
given the talk. Just remember to be smart about it once you start.” Castiel
remembered that talk. Ellen insisted on giving it to all of her children’s
boyfriends/girlfriends. It covered the basics of safety, and ended with a
pointed look to the cabinet full of shotguns as a warning for breaking her
kid’s hearts. So far, no one had wanted to test her yet. She could be a very
imitating woman.
                They all sprawled in the living room after, bringing down
pillows and blankets so the overflow from the couch and chairs could sit
comfortably on the floor. They watched Lord of the Rings, upon Charlie’s
insistence. Castiel wasn’t sure how it related to Thanksgiving, but enjoyed it
nonetheless. He fell asleep against Dean, who was also snoozing and slightly
drooling. Cas smiled, slipping into a light nap. Afterwards, everyone went
outside to toss some football, enjoying the fresh, crisp air. They came back
inside, laughing and slightly pale with rosy cheeks from the cold. Ellen heated
up hot chocolate all around, and they used some leftover turkey for sandwiches.
                Despite the nap, by the time nightfall rolled around, everyone
was exhausted. Not tired enough to pass up s’mores though. They built a fire in
the backyard fire pit they had for just such an occasion, and sat around
heating up marshmallows and swapping ghost stories. It was the perfect end to
the perfect day. By the time they were curled up in bed, Castiel felt full and
content. Dean smelled like smoke and sweat, underlain by the sweetness of
chocolate and marshmallows and his own, earthy scent. Cas breathed deeply,
pulling him closer. They were chest to chest, arms wrapping around and legs
intertwined.
                “I’m glad I got to spend the day with you.” Cas looked into the
other boys bright green eyes through his lashes.
                “I’m glad you called.” Dean leaned in, hesitating a mere breath
away. “Today was great. Spending it with you made it perfect.” And they kissed,
all slow-sliding of tongue as they tasted and explored. It wasn’t lust driving
them, but love. Castiel realized that then, in that moment. He was in love with
Dean. He had known he loved him for awhile now. But in love? He never thought
he would find that, would be capable of finding someone to feel that passion
with. But Dean had moved slowly and surely into his heart, and without a doubt
or care in the world, Castiel threw himself into that feeling. He loved Dean,
and would cherish the boy forever. They feel asleep a short time later, noses
brushing and sharing each other’s breath, hearts slowing to almost simultaneous
beats.
                Who knew what the future would bring, and who cared? Because no
matter what happened, Castiel knew he could always look back on this moment,
and he would be happy.
Chapter End Notes
     I haven't posted a playlist or anything because I listen to many
     different genres. But for the majority of this chapter, I listened to
     a soundtrack from Spartacus. The link is here, if you would like to
     listen. I find instrumentals/soundtracks/classical music to be good
     for reading and writing. There are a few more dark chapters to come,
     but many lighter and happier ones as well. Hope you enjoy!
     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKnzHq3MVVY
     Also, a few people have brought Bela's callousness towards a rape
     victim to my attention. For any and all wondering, I based this off
     of my perception from the show. She was willing to let people suffer
     and die if it meant that she could make a quick buck. That show's at
     least sociopathic tendencies along with an extremely self-centered
     and narcissistic personality. She allows the treatment of Castiel to
     continue because she is indifferent to it at best, no sort of empathy
     to understand his pain. Also, Zachariah had no qualms torturing Dean
     and Sam to get Dean to say yes. He even smiled while doing it, only
     getting angry when he doesn't get his way. His treatment of Cas is
     his way of getting revenge and also shaping his son to show the
     obedience he wants. If anyone has problems with this story, please
     don't hesitate to bring it to my attention, and I will attempt to
     explain my reasoning or fix any errors that you find. I hope that you
     continue to enjoy this story, and stick through to the end!!! It
     (should) be a happy one!!!
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Notes
     Finally a happy chapter!!! No pain, no angst, just happiness and
     sunshine!!! Sorry again about slower posts, but work is still busy so
     I don't have much time to write. Still, will definitely try and keep
     getting at least one chapter in every week. Shouldn't be too many
     more chapters before Dean finds out, so Cas won't suffer too much
     longer!!! Enjoy! :)
                Friday slowly pulled him from slumber. Dean fought it
stubbornly, struggling to return to his dream. It was a good dream, he and Cas
were at the lake again. Only it was just them. And cloths had somehow magically
disappeared. And Cas had been thrusting into him with sweet, slow rocks of his
hips as the water lapped all around their chests and tongues danced in perfect
time with the rocking movement below the water.
                Groaning, Dean hitched his hips forward half-asleep, searching
for friction. And boy, did he find it. He felt the firm, soft cloth-bound flesh
of a deliciously warm cleft shift subtly back into him. Freezing, Dean’s eyes
instantly flew open. He stared at the back of Cas’ head, slowly remembering the
previous day as his love continued to slumber beside him. Dean frowned, waiting
for his dick to magically turn into a vagina. Since when did think of anyone as
his love? Much less feel warmth spread at the thought.
                Cas pulled him back to the present by grumbling in his sleep
and shifting slightly, putting even more pressure on Dean’s incredibly hard
hard-on. It took all of his self restraint not to rut against Cas like a
fucking animal. He bit his lip, hips stuttering slightly of their own accord.
So much for self restraint. The arm Dean had around Cas shifted as he pulled
away with every intent of going to the bathroom to take care of his persistent
erection. He froze though when he felt the tent in the other boy’s pants.
                “Dean.” Cas breathed, thrusting towards his hand. Knowing this
was all kinds of wrong, Dean allowed his hand to brush and stroke and rub him,
keeping clothing between his hand and Cas’ surprisingly impressive erection. He
could tell it was longer than his own, if slightly thinner. He knew how Cas
felt about clothing being removed, and wasn’t going to slip his hand inside
anything until they were bothconscious and consenting. As it was, Dean couldn’t
bring himself to wake Cas either. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, and the
tension and worry he carried around during the day smoothed away to an
expression leaning towards bliss as Dean applied more and more pressure. Dean
began moving his own hips, matching the lazy pace that Cas had already set.
                “Dean.” Cas all but moaned now as Dean started kissing and
licking his neck, pulling an earlobe in to gently roll between teeth as he
sucked. The pace picked up, Dean happily obliging. He knew he said he didn’t
want to make them come in their pants, but somehow that seemed more appealing
with every movement sending him closer to the edge. And fuck, they were still
teenagers after all. If this was the only way Cas was comfortable with for now
then he would happily oblige.
                It didn’t take long for Dean to come, biting down on the pillow
to muffle his cry. Cas was close, so close but it wasn’t enough. Slowly, Dean
moved down the bed, ignoring the warm, sticky mess in his underwear. He removed
his hand and was rewarded with the cutest frown ever as Cas helplessly sought
out the friction that was now lacking. His own hand moved to take up position,
but Dean gently swatted it away. He was all but straddling Cas’ left calf now
as he lowered his head to Cas’ crotch. He sucked a wet patch right over the
head, moaning to add some vibration as his hand came back up to fondle balls
through cloth. His other hand landed on Cas’ waist, gently guiding him to
continue thrusting as Dean continued to suck and nuzzle and rub.
                He watched his face the entire time, the pleasure and
frustration at still not finding enough friction battling for dominance. Dean
chuckled, pressing down further. That seemed to do the trick, because warmth
was suddenly spreading beneath him and Cas moaned through each spasm until he
slumped boneless back into the mattress.
                He slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times before blue
focused on green and he stared down at Dean, cheek still resting against his
hip. “Dean?” Confusion gave way to the reddest blush Dean had ever seen as Cas
took in the mess soaking through his pants.
                Dean chuckled. “Good morning.” He crawled slowly up, never
breaking eye contact until his lips were right there. Cas mumbled something
about morning breath, but Dean didn’t really give a shit. He kissed the boy
firmly, close-mouthed though because, okay, maybe he did give a shit about them
both having morning breath. Not to mention the hint of Cas he had tasted
soaking through the fabric.
                They broke away, Cas’ eyes darting all over them as he took
stock of the situation. The blush was fading, but still there.
                “You, uhm.” Cas cleared his throat. “You didn’t have to.”
                “I know.” Dean smiled. “I wanted to. Besides-“ He gestured
towards his own wet crotch, smirking. “You weren’t the only one.”
                “I thought you didn’t approve of performing sexual congress in
this fashion.” Cas tilted his head, breaking out his awkward nerd vocabulary.
Dean chuckled. “You know, you can just call it sex, weirdo.” He smiled fondly,
kissing Cas on the tip of his nose. Cas scrunched up his face in mock
embarrassment, but granted Dean a dazzling smile for his efforts. “Besides…”
Dean continued, trailing his fingers up and down Cas’ torso. “If this is the
only way you’re comfortable with doing stuff like this for now, then that’s
fine with me. I’m tired of waiting, Cas. But I’m not going to make you do
anything you don’t want to. Way I see it, this is common ground.”
                “Thank you, Dean.” And Cas looked at him with such adoration
that Dean felt himself start to blush. Okay, chick-flick moment officially
over. “We should probably shower.” Dean said gruffly, standing and pulling his
shirt of, and if he flexed and made a show of it, well then at least it was
appreciated if Cas’ captivated eyes were anything to go by. “You can go first.”
Cas got up as well, collecting clean clothes to change in to. He had actually
packed a bag yesterday, so he had no need to borrow Dean’s cloths. Still,
somehow the sweats he slept in had come from Dean’s drawers, but neither boy
mentioned it. After all, Cas loved the smell of Dean on them, and Dean loved
seeing Cas wearing them.
                “Hey Cas.” Dean paused, grabbing his hand. “Do you think, after
your scars fade a bit or something, you would be comfortable with, I don’t
know, more?”
                Cas looked down, pulling his sleeves up. The scabs were a few
days old by now, fading into more scars, but still fresh enough to grate Dean.
                “When.” He demanded softly, fingers trailing over the blemishes
in the pale, marred skin.
                “Friday.” Cas answered, equally soft.
                “Was it your dad? Did he hit you again?” Dean’s voice rose,
battling to control his anger.
                “No. He didn’t strike me once. It was…different.” Cas frowned,
trying to explain without giving too much away. “He made me happy, but it hurt
coming from him. I didn’t want him to make me happy.”
                “That makes no sense.” Dean was frustrated. Cas pulled the
sleeves back down and ran a hand through his bed-hair. “It’s…I can’t explain
it. I’m sorry.”
                “Don’t apologize.” Dean pulled him close and kissed his hair,
arms clinging tightly to each other. “Not your fault Cas. Wish you would let us
lock the bastard up though. You deserve better.”
                Cas sighed, this being a conversation they had often. “Even if
I did, then what? Then all my dirty laundry will be hung for all to see and
judge. I don’t need anyways pity, or judgment, or sneers, or laughter or
anything. And once the system spits me out, I might not even be here anymore.
They could sent me to a group home, or foster care, or my uncle or something.
I’d rather be here, where I know I can always come find you. I like us, just
like we are. I don’t want anything to tear us apart.” He buried his head deep
into the crook of Dean’s neck, breathing in his scent tinged with sweat and
sex. “I don’t want to lose you.” He murmured, gripping tighter.
                “You won’t.” Dean assured, rubbing circles into his back and
planting lingering kisses all over his hair and cheek. “You won’t.” He
repeated, pulling back to kiss his full-on, morning breath be damned. Their
tongues battled for dominance for awhile before Cas pulled away, smiling. “Go.
Shower.” He laughed, gently pushing Dean towards the door. “So bossy.” Dean
grumbled cheerfully, stealing one more kiss before smirking. “I like it.”
                “Go!” Cas laughed, turning back to sort through his clothes.
They both showered and brushed their teeth, finally making their way down to
get some breakfast somewhere around nine o’clock. Everyone else was already up.
Sam pointedly gave Dean one of his best bitch-faces, muttering about thin walls
and not needing to wake up hearing him doing that. They both blushed, realizing
that their little morning act had been a bit louder than they thought. Sam had
taken to sleeping on the floor of Charlie’s room ever since Dean and Cas became
an item. Even though Dean assured him nothing would happen, Sam still insisted
on not being in the room for when it didhappen. Still, he was friendly enough
after he finished his cereal, resolutely burying any and all memories of what
he heard.
                Cas insisted on fixing breakfast, after all he spent almost as
much time here as at his own home now that his father gave him free reign
during the week. Ellen and Bobby came in as Cas began pulling out ingredients,
laden with shopping bags. Ellen had tried dragging Bobby into some Black Friday
shopping so they could get ahead on presents, after all, four teenagers meant
Christmas could be pretty expensive. But even Ellen had had enough after only
an hour, letting Bobby bring her back to the house before she broke out the
shotguns. Still, they had gotten plenty, quickly shuffling everything to their
room before returning to the kitchen.
                “Would you like anything?” Castiel asked, counting out how many
eggs he should scramble.
                “We’re fine. Ate before we left. Dying for some coffee though.”
Ellen said, even as she eyed the liquor cabinet. Bobby grumbled something about
everyone being idjits before fixing himself a cup and slipping into an empty
chair. Cas made enough for himself, Dean, Sam (because even though he had
cereal, he definitely wasn’t passing up more good food), Jo, Charlie, and Bobby
(because food would help cheer him up). Charlie came down next, pulling out
bacon to cook beside Cas as he scrambled the eggs. Dean made toast, and Sam
pulled out homework to work on that Dean was almost positive hadn’t even been
assigned yet. Jo came down, rubbing sleep from her eyes and going straight to
the coffee. They would need to make a new pot soon.
                Everyone ate in friendly company, trading jokes and jibes
easily. Dean and Cas made their way to the living room after, trailed by
Charlie who insisted they absolutely had to watch the last Harry Potter movie,
the only one Cas still hadn’t watched yet. They definitely did NOT cuddle, and
Dean would defend that to his dying breath. But if his arm found its way around
Cas, who in turn leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder, well then that was just
because it was more comfortable is all. After the movie, they drove to the
nearby gym Dean had finagled Cas into joining with him. They warmed up on the
treadmills, hit the jump ropes, and then grappled for awhile before Dean
dragged Cas to the weight racks. They were both sore and tired at this point,
but Dean insisted that was the perfect time to push even further. Still, they
stayed to the lighter weights, not wanting to cause injury.
                Dean smiled when Cas was able to bench 135 lbs. Sure, Dean
could bench a solid 335 lbs so long as he was fresh, but it was a new record
for Cas, who hadn’t had as much experience it toning his body as Dean. After
all, John had been a Marine and insisted his boys learn how to build their
strength with him. Most of the motels they stayed at didn’t have a gym, but his
father made plenty of friends back in the Corps who kept in contact. Most of
them had gym memberships they gladly let him borrow whenever he passed through,
and John taught his sons everything he knew about getting into shape.
Considering the life they lead, Dean definitely found the benefits of a great
physique when it came to seducing the ladies. Now, he was able to pass on what
he learned to Cas. Even though he never took his shirt off in front of Dean, he
could still see the muscle building there. Could still feel the firmness
filling out every time they pressed close.
                They showered at the gym before heading to a diner for lunch.
It was more crowded than normal, but they still managed to find an open booth
at back. They both got burgers and fries, finishing it off with good ol’ Dr.
Pepper. And of course, a slice of apple pie. Dean felt like a cheesy romantic,
but he still insisted on two forks so they could share the pie. And fuck, if
that didn’t mean he loved Cas he didn’t know what did. He snatched up the
check, earning a glare from Cas.
                “Hey, no fair. It’s my turn to pay, so deal with it.” Dean
smiled, slipping in a twenty and some change for a tip before they left. Dean
pressed Cas against the Impala before he could get inside, kissing him
fiercely. Cas returned in equal fervor, tasting of apple pie and just Cas. He
laughed, scooting Cas aside so he could open the door for him.
                “After you.” He smirked. Cas glared, but Dean could still see
the smile in his eyes. They went to the tree house after that. It had become
“their” place in a way. Cas wrote in his journal, and Dean pulled out his own
notepad to draw. He wasn’t the best, but ever since Cas told him about
Gabriel’s drawings, Dean had made it his mission to draw Cas. He still couldn’t
get it right though, but he kept on trying. Cas didn’t show him what he wrote,
and Dean didn’t show him what he drew. Cas still knew though, given how often
Dean would look up at him. Still, he didn’t press and neither did Dean.
                Apparently done with his entry, Cas snapped his book shut and
put it back into the trunk before crawling over to Dean, pulling his book out
of his hands and closing it without a glance as he set it aside.
                “I wasn’t finished yet!” Dean protested. “You can finish
later.” Cas replied, climbing into Dean’s lap. They made out lazily, Cas’ hands
roaming under Dean’s shirt to play gently with his nipples. “No fair.” Dean
griped, nipping at his chin. “You can touch but I can’t.”
                “If you don’t like it we can stop.” Cas replied, all dark and
husky, kissing him smugly when Dean groaned and exclaimed, “Hell no!”
                They made their way back towards the Impala, heading home
thanks to their stomachs reminding them that it was dinner time. Benny was
there, almost finished making, you guessed it, gumbo. Still, it was delicious
as always so no one could find it in them to complain. Charlie roped them into
another movie before bed, Star Wars again. Cas yawned until Dean nudged him
into lying down, head resting in his lap. Dean ran his fingers absentmindedly
through the soft, dark locks as the boy slumbered on. Sam came in, sitting down
in the chair to watch the ending with them.
                “You really like him, don’t you.” Sam said once the credits
began to roll.
                “Yeah, I do.” Dean smiled, not giving a shit that he was just
giving Sam fuel for future teasing. He was happy, and even a little talk about
feelings wasn’t going to damper that.
                “He’s happy too. With you, I mean. I can see it. He’s like a
completely different person from when we first met.”
                “I know. He’s still got a lot on his plate, but it’s getting
better I think. I hope so, at least.”
                “You still think…”
                “That his dad’s a shit? Yeah, absolutely.” Dean frowned. Okay,
feelings he could handle, that bastard of a father, well he was a different
story.
                “Wish he would let us help.” Sam mumbled, worry creasing his
brow.
                “You and me both.” Dean sighed, gently nudging Cas until he
woke up. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed.”
                Cas glared groggily before shaking his head and snuggling
further into his lap. Dean laughed, scooping Cas up bridal style and standing.
Cas smiled smugly. Of course the bastard had goaded him into carrying his ass
up the stairs.
                “You’re lucky I love you.” Dean grumbled, heavily making his
way up the stairs. Cas’ eyes shot open. Dean groaned inwardly. Of course his
mouth would go and betray him. Dean firmly avoided his gaze until a quiet, “I
love you too.” Came from the boy in his arms. Dean stopped, not giving a shit
about his protesting arms. Lifting him up further, Dean kissed him soundly
before making it to the bathroom, insisting they at least brush their teeth and
change before bed.
                That night, they fell asleep in each other’s arms again, filled
with warmth at their shared confession. They had to wake up earlier to get Cas
home before his father returned in the morning, but tonight was theirs.
                “Goodnight, Dean.” Cas smiled blearily, slipping into sleep.
                “Goodnight, Cas.” Dean kissed his forehead, pulling him tighter
as he listened to Cas’ breathing slow and watched his face relax. “Love you.”
Dean said softly, kissing his forehead again before snuggling in to go to sleep
himself. “Love you.” He repeated one more time, smiling as sleep overcame him.
***** Chapter 17 *****
                Castiel woke in the strong arms and warm safety of Dean
Winchester. All the memories of yesterday morning, of last night, came flooding
back to him. He smiled, snuggling further into the embrace. It was still early,
they had a few hours yet before Zachariah would be home. Castiel sighed,
knowing that he had nothing to look forward to until Monday morning. Still, he
would enjoy what time he had left with Dean.
                As if sensing that his bedmate had woken, Dean shifted in his
sleep, groaning as bright green eyes slowly blinked into focus. Cas stared at
those eyes, loosing himself in their kind, endless depths. He loved Dean, loved
him like he never knew possible. He would do anything for him, but felt that
ever-present tinge of sadness and shame. He could never have Dean, not fully.
Because the only explanation for his scars was the truth. If Dean ever saw him
without the cover of clothing, then he would know. Everything Cas had done, all
the videos his father took, all the pictures and all his secrets would come to
life. And Dean would be disgusted. He would leave him, Cas was sure of it.
                Still, ever the selfish one, Cas relished in the joy of the
present. He was happy here, in the safety of Dean’s bed and his tender hold.
The future could bring whatever pain and sorrow it may, because Cas would face
it all in the knowledge that he had experienced the joy of love, and that made
everything worth it.
                “Morning.” Dean mumbled, voice rough from sleep once he noticed
Cas was awake.
                “Good morning, Dean.” Cas smiled, noses brushing as they
kissed. Dean’s nose wrinkled in that adorable way it always did. “Remind me to
have us brush our teeth next time.” But Dean’s eyes sparkled in happiness,
showing his complaint for nothing more than an excuse to hide his
embarrassment. Apparently, Cas wasn’t the only one who remembered, what Dean
would refer to as a ‘chick-flick moment’ from the night before.
                “Thank you.” Cas said softly, looking down.
                “For what?” Dean replied, confused.
                “For everything.” Cas smiled into Dean’s shoulder. “For helping
me. For caring. For being a friend. For loving me. Just-“ Cas felt his throat
tightening. “For everything.” He finished, exhaling harshly.
                Dean smiled, pulling Cas in tighter and rubbing soothing
circles into his back. “My pleasure.” He said softly, lips pressed into dark,
smooth locks.
                “We should probably get something to eat. I have to go back
home soon.”
                Dean groaned. “Stay here.” He moaned. “I’ll make it worth your
while.”
                Cas laughed, pushing Dean’s advances gently back. “I’m sure you
would. But I doubt my father would approve. Besides, we only have to wait until
Monday to see each other again.”
                “But that’s two whole days away.” Dean whined.
                “Only two days.” Cas corrected, kissing the tip of that
freckled nose. “And then we can continue this.”
                “Fine.” Dean grumbled, finally rolling out of bed. “But I get
first shower. Unless, you know, you want to join me.” Dean winked, smirking
suggestively. “Go shower!” Cas laughed, throwing a pillow at him as he left the
room. Once Dean was gone, his smile faded. He closed the door and pulled his
shirt off, staring at the reflection that met him in the mirror. He saw a pale
boy, thin and scarred. He saw wide blue eyes and hair that only cast his skin
in a sickly contrast in comparison to its nearly black shade. He saw the
inverted cross above his heart, and turning, saw the wings adorning his back.
He followed the tattoo with his eyes, seeing even what was covered by his
pants. After all, he had it all memorized. He saw the scabs and scars on his
arms. He saw nothing. He was nothing.
                Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Opening them, he saw
something completely different. He saw a boy, young and unblemished and happy.
He saw a mother, kind and loving behind his shoulder. He saw her pale, saw her
frown, saw the life leave her as blood poured and he thin frame bloated with
water and decay as her skin withered and grayed. He saw his father on his other
side, full of joy turned to bitter sorrow and hate. Saw his siblings, with joy
turned to ash and resentment and pain. He saw himself, crying as his father
struck him for the first time. He was only seven. It was hours after they had
buried his mother, and Zachariah was drunk of grief and rage and pain. Gabriel
had tried to stop him, and got backhanded for his efforts. Anna just cried.
Then next morning, Zachariah apologized, and made sure to never hurt Castiel in
front of the others again. A few weeks later, crying for his wife, Zachariah
found his way to Castiel’s bed.
                “You have her eyes. You have her eyes.” Zachariah chanted,
stumbling and crying to Castiel’s bed. He had no idea what was happening, but
he knew that his father’s pain was his fault, and would do whatever was
commanded of him to set that right. Zachariah used Castiel’s own shirt to
muffle his screams. He prepared his son best he could, but at age seven,
nothing could prepare a boy for that. “Her eyes.” Zachariah whispered brokenly
with every thrust. “Her eyes…”
                Castiel screamed, but no one heard save his father. No one came
for him. Zachariah came, with pain and sorrow flooding him instead of joy as he
released. “Her eyes. My Naomi. My poor, sweet Naomi. I love you, Naomi.” He
mumbled, covering every inch of his son’s face save his eyes. He stared into
those frightened, tear-filled blue orbs, full of love for his dead wife. Then
reality returned, and with a snarled, “You killed her!” He reached down to
squeeze his son’s privates with hateful intensity. His scream, again cut off,
Zachariah continued to squeeze and twist, sending pain so intense coursing
through his small, shaking frame that Castiel thought he was going to die. His
father left after that, but returned with increasing frequency as the beating
also happened more regularly and more violently.
                He saw himself a year later, when the debts that Zachariah had
been collecting from his gambling habits finally caught up with him. He
couldn’t even remember the name of the man, just that Zachariah had stuck a
deal with him. A night with his son for more time to pay. It was a bad night
for Cas, but his father had held him after, telling him that he had done good.
That he was atoning for killing his mother. That this was just the punishment
he had to pay. And he was paying it well. This happened infrequently
afterwards, every few weeks or months someone would come collecting, and
Castiel would bend over or kneel willingly, being sure to never disappoint.
                He was nine, when Uncle Lucas arrived unannounced. They were in
the living room, Zachariah pounding his son who bit the couch cushions to
muffle his cries. Zachariah stilled when his saw Lucas staring at them in
shock. He quickly dressed and pulled him into the study to talk. Cas heard
yelling, but dared not move, heart pounded in fear. He had done something
wrong, hadn’t he? When Lucas came back, he was different. Colder than ever
before. And Cas serviced him as he did his father and anyone else he was
commanded to.
                The others increased as the years wore one, some for money and
some for services. Cas saw them all, every shameful deed all at once as he
continued gazing in the mirror. His decrepit wings came back into view,
reminded him of all he had become. Of his sin. Of the monster he truly was.
Closing his eyes, Castiel pulled his shirt on. He didn’t want to see any more.
                Dean returned a few minutes later, and Castiel brushed past him
without a word. The shower helped, as he spent the whole time forcing his past
back in its box and focusing on nothing but Dean. A smiled was fixed on his
face and spirits significantly lightened when he stepped out. Dean returned the
smile, pulling him in to kiss long and lazy. It was bliss.
                Breakfast was a simple affair, Dean insisting on taking him to
a diner. They each got the special, pancakes with scrambled eggs, bacon, and
sausage all washed down with bitter but delicious hot coffee. Bantering back
and forth easily, the two boys spent the morning in happy company. After
breakfast, Dean dropped Cas back off at home, he had already packed his things
before they left. Their goodbye kiss lasted a bit longer than usual, but that
was to be expected Cas supposed. After all, their relationship had taken an
important leap yesterday. It was a lot more serious now, neither of them hiding
their affection any longer.
                “Love you.” Dean smiled in way of farewell.
                “I love you too, Dean.” Cas kissed him once more before
leaving. He stood on his porch, watching Dean drive off as his smile faded. He
had just made it to his room when he heard the familiar grumble of an engine
pulling up. Fishing out his ringing cell phone, Castiel answered it quickly.
                “Hello-“
                “Come outside, son.” His father said curtly, hanging up.
Castiel sighed. His father sounded tense, it seemed he wouldn’t have as long a
break as he thought.
                The drive was quiet. Castiel shoved Dean as far down in his
thoughts as he could. He didn’t want any part of his memories of Dean tarnished
by this. He refused for that to happen.
                The others were already there by the time they arrived, waiting
in their cars for their appearance. Zachariah smiled, greeting them and shaking
hands. He unlocked the door and let everyone in. Lilith fiddled with the camera
settings as the others handed wads of cash over and shook hands with his
father. They were laughing, full of sick anticipation. Dutifully, Castiel began
stripping with only a glance for Zachariah.
                Camera prepared and pleasantries of business out of the way,
the other became undressing as well. Castiel knelt in the middle, waiting for
what he knew was coming. He opened his mouth as thrust his ass in clear
invitation as they descended. Closing his eyes, he ignored everything as best
he could. It didn’t take long though for Dean to surface. His face, his voice,
consuming Castiel.
                You deserve better.
                Love you.
               “Stop.” Castiel pulled back sharply. “Stop!”
                “What’s wrong?” Alastair crooned, stroking Castiel’s cheek,
ignoring the way the boy flinched. “Surely you’re not backing out? Not now,
after everything you’ve done. You’re a whore now, Castiel. And whores swallow
cock like the good little pieces of filth they are.” He thrust his hips forward
again, but Cas recoiled. “No. I don’t want to. Please. I deserve better-“
                His rambling was cut off with a sharp blow. Alastair struck him
again and again, screaming.
                “Don’t say no to me, boy!”
                Castiel screamed as well, feeling the cock that had previously
been filling him slip violently and painfully out. And still the blows rained
down. He felt blood pouring from his nose and he couldn’t see, eyes white with
the shock of the fist connecting again and again with them.
                “Alastair!” Zachariah raged, shoving the man away. “What the
hell do you think you’re doing!”
                “Teaching the slut a lesson.” Alastair leering. Zachariah
seethed. “I already have cops breathing down my neck. Now you go and strike his
face. He’ll have black eyes for quite awhile, and school starts back up in two
days. If I go down for this, everyone goes down, you stupid fuck!”
                “But the cunt said no.” Alastair gestured angrily. “I thought
you had him trained better than that.”
                “Get out.” Zachariah glared.
                “But I already paid!”
                “I don’t care! Leave!” Zachariah shoved him to the door,
throwing his cloths after him. “Get out!” The others stood awkwardly, erections
quickly softening. Zachariah breathed heavily, glaring at the door.
                “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-“
                “You’re right.” Zachariah redirected his hate-filled gaze
towards his son. “You shouldn’t have.” He spat.
                “It won’t happen again.” Castiel forced his eyes downward, once
more assuming the posture of pure, submissive obedience. But it was too late.
Most of the others were still too uncomfortable to continue, apologizing to
Zachariah on the way out. Some of them demanded their money returned, others
simply said to keep it before hastily retreating to their cars. Only Azazel,
Lilith, and Dick remained behind.
                “Continue.” He father gestured towards them before disappearing
to his room. The blow jobs hurt more after that, but Castiel dare not voice
discomfort now. He had screwed up big time. His father avoided him for the rest
of the day. He was furious, and afraid that he would lash out as well. Castiel
realized this with a start. If his father saw him now, he might do something
that there would be no covering up. Yeah, he definitely screwed up.
                The next morning, his father was cold and distant. “I didn’t do
that to you, Castiel. Anyone ask, you tell the truth.”
                “Yes father.”
                “You tell them that I had some friends over. You tell them that
we were all drinking, and you mouthed off and one of them struck you. You tell
them how I defended you after, throwing them out. This wasn’t my fault,
Castiel. This was all you.”
                “Yes father.”
                “Now get out of my sight.”
                And get out of his sight, Castiel did. He ran, knowing nothing
else to do. Tears burning down his face the entire time, but he didn’t stop,
running until it was well into the afternoon and his legs could no longer carry
him. Collapsing with a breathless yell, Cas choked out cries in between harsh
breaths. He had been so good, things were going so well. But he screwed it up,
just like he always knew he would. Blackness spread inside him, vile and
suffocating in intensity. Everything hurt and nothing mattered. Because he had
no one to blame but himself. And the worst part was, every time he thought of
Dean now he saw only them. The memories turned bitter in his mouth, and it was
all his fault.
                All his fault…
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Notes
     I apologize in advance for any errors and shitty writing in general.
     I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, and have to stay up all night
     tomorrow as well. Still, here is the next chapter, and I hope you
     enjoy it!!! Oh, and remember, comments are greatly appreciated and
     only inspire me to write faster!!!
               Dean had a great weekend. Sure, he missed Cas the whole time,
but now he had a smile permanently fixed to his face. Cas loved him. Really,
truly loved him. And whatever issues they had going on now what with the shitty
home life and all, Dean knew that they would be able to work through them. He
was determined to keep this relationship, to do everything in his power to keep
it from falling apart. And one day, he and Cas would have a home of their own,
maybe even get married as soon as Kansas allowed two dudes to do something as
scandalous as profess their love for one another in the most widely recognized
commitment out there. Yeah, they had a few years of high school left, but it
seemed so much brighter to Dean just knowing Cas would be there with him.
                Sam teased Dean relentlessly, but in a good-natured, brotherly
way. Charlie stepped up and gave him unsolicited advice for how to prepare for
whenever him and Cas did eventually get under each others cloths and finally
inside, joined exactly how Dean fantasized they would be. It was a good
weekend, but Monday couldn’t get there fast enough. Sunday night, Dean got a
text. It was the first he had heard from Cas since he dropped him off Saturday
morning. It simply told him not to bother picking him up, as Zachariah would be
driving him to school. Dean frowned, realizing that it would only be that much
longer before they saw each other. But he didn’t argue, didn’t want to be the
cause for more strife between the father and son. More importantly, he didn’t
want Cas to be hurt because of how jealous Dean was of their time together.
                So that was how Monday morning found Dean in Biology well
before the start of class, anxiously tapping his foot as he waited. It was a
good ten minutes before students started trickling in, each one sending a stab
of disappointment his way when he realized they weren’t the boy he was looking
for. Finally, less than a minute before the start of the school day, his angel
walked in.
                But everything was wrong, so wrong, and Dean felt his rise of
happiness sour and drain away. Cas limped his way in, legs shaky and sore. He
was clutched in on himself, trying to hide from all the prying eyes. His head
hung low, hair covering his face as best he could. It wasn’t enough though.
Dean could see the swollen, black and blue bruises covering the majority of his
face. His lip was split, still scabbed over, and he could barely open his eyes.
With a simultaneous sigh of relief and wince of pain, Cas sunk into his seat.
Dean stared, the dark marks sharper this close up. Neither boy said anything,
one out of shock and the other embarrassment. Cas kept his gaze down, refusing
to meet Dean’s eyes. Class started and life went on all around them, but they
were trapped in their own world, full of pain and confusion. Finally, halfway
into class, Dean broke their silence.
                “Cas-“
                “I’m fine, Dean.” He replied sharply, still not looking up even
as he kept his voice down.
                “Like hell you are.” Dean snarled. “I’m going to kill him. I’m
fucking going to-“
                Cas sighed tiredly, cutting Dean off like a slap to his face.
It was full of exhaustion and pain, and every note of that heavy breath tore
Dean’s heart that much more. After what seemed like an eternity, Cas quietly
began to explain as he knew Dean would want him too.
                “It wasn’t Zachariah that did this. I know you don’t believe
me, but it’s true. There have been other times, I know I denied it then, but
you knew. You always knew. But this-“ Cas gestured to his face, hand falling
heavily back into his lap. “This wasn’t him. Things had been getting better, I
suppose. He didn’t hurt me as much, focused on making me happy I suppose. But,
Saturday night, he had a few friends over. Colleagues, I suppose. They were all
drinking quite a bit, just enjoying each others company. It was getting pretty
late and one of them, well I guess there were some issues or something he was
drinking away, but he wasn’t in a good mood. He told me to fetch him another
beer, and I told him he had had enough. He kinda lost it then, went all
berserk. Zachariah had to drag him off of me, and they fought for a bit too
before Zachariah threw him out. He was going to call the cops on him, but I
stopped him. I figured he was in enough pain in his life anyways to lash out
like that, I didn’t see any reason to make it worse. Anyways,” there it was
again, that gut-clenching sigh. “He came back and apologized the next day.
Zachariah still made sure he lost his job because of it, though.” Cas smiled,
small but there. “I guess I wasn’t the only on hurt because of what had
happened after all.”
                “Cas.” Dean furiously fought tears as he stroked the boy’s
shoulder gently. “I’m so sorry.”
                “I’m fine, Dean. Really.” His smile widened, finally making eye
contact. “Besides, I’m with you now.” The teacher coughed pointedly in their
direction, so the conversation ended there for now. Still, if his hand slid
down to lock fingers tightly with Cas, then no one said anything about it. Dean
rubbed small circles with his thumb for the rest of the period, hopping that
such a small gesture would be able to convey all the love and support and
comfort that Dean yearned to give him now.
                Cas avoided the subject for the rest of the day, doing his best
to ignore it. Dean helped him, glaring questions away before they could find
voice. Still, there was nothing he could do when Cas was summoned to the
counselor’s office at the end of lunch. It seemed word had spread through the
faculty about his appearance, and questions were being raised. Still, Cas
wasn’t bothered by it, and somehow Dean knew that he would tell Becky, their
guidance counselor, the same story. That’s all it was, a story. Dean couldn’t
pinpoint exactly what was wrong with it, but he had been around Cas long enough
to know when he was covering something up. Crowley tried harder than ever to
get information out of them, and for some reason Bela was straight out
leeringat them. It made Dean uncomfortable, like she knew something about Cas
that Dean didn’t.
                They went back to Dean’s after school, awkward silence
descending as Sam pointedly kept his gaze upon Cas, waiting for the explanation
that would never come. Ellen didn’t even say anything as she took in his
appearance, just pulled him into the tightest hug she had ever given him.
                “You’re welcome to stay here whenever you need to.” She
whispered into his ear, Dean just making out her words from where he stood.
                “I know.”Cas smiled, burrowing into the hug. They stayed that
way for a long time before breaking apart. Bobby gruffly pated his shoulder and
mumbled something along the lines of what Ellen had expressed. Benny, Charlie,
Jo, and Sam all smiled at Cas, dishing out hugs of their own. It was their way
of saying they were there for him too. He wasn’t alone.
                Dean decided not to work out with Cas. He was clearly in pain
from the beating, and his legs still shook. “I ran, afterwards. Longer than I
ever remember running. I think my muscles are getting me back for that.” Cas
had frowned at his lower half after a few pointed looks prompted the
confession. It was Dean’s turn to hug him, which quickly turned into a kiss. It
was nothing heated, just lips pressed to lips until Cas took it upon himself to
change that. His tongue prodded for entrance, and ravaged Dean’s mouth like a
starving man after it slipped inside. It was heated, all tongue and teeth and
pressure, going on until both were dizzy and broke apart to gulp in air.
                Dean realized his face was wet. He was crying. No, he was
sobbing and choking as they clutched at each other. Cas had moisture in his own
eyes, but firmly kept his tears at bay. They kissed again, ignoring their
audience as they sought the comfort only provided from a lover’s touch. It
slowed, gradually fading until with one last press they parted for good, Dean
gruffly wiping his face on his sleeve. Ellen pressed a plate full of sandwiches
into his hand, directing them to Dean’s room. They would have all the time they
needed to work through this, whatever this was. The others would leave them in
peace until then.
                They didn’t talk, didn’t watch a movie, didn’t put on music.
The only sound filling the room was the crunch of food as they worked their way
through the sandwiches. Dean tenderly touched the black eyes, fingers grazing
down to the split lip before falling all together. Cas hadn’t moved, but Dean
could tell the touch still pained him.
                “Can you spend the night?”
                “Yes.” Cas smiled. “Zachariah had me bring everything I would
need to school today. My clothes for tomorrow are in my backpack.”
                “Good.” Dean replied firmly, pulling the boy close. Laying
back, they rested in close embrace as Cas eventually breathed deep and slow,
exhaustion settling in to sleep. Dean didn’t wake him, even though he knew he
was hours away from sleep himself. Instead, he stared at the beautiful, broken
boy in his arms. He thought of everything he wanted to do to help, and
everything he knew he could never do.
                “I love you, Cas.” Dean murmured, fingers trailing through
soft, dark hair. “I just wish that could change anything.” He sighed, forcing
the image of Zachariah striking his son from mind. “I wish I could help.”
                Cas slept on, not stirring when Dean rose to change into his
pajamas. He pulled some out for Cas as well, knowing the boy would want to
change after dinner, still a good hour away by now. Sam came in a bit later,
silently pulling their homework out. Dean thanked him with a nod. Usually, Sam
would be completely opposed to this, but they clearly had more important things
going on than the integrity of schoolwork. Besides, they both knew that Cas,
the nerd he was, would already know everything that had been assigned to them
to study.
                Sighing, Dean furrowed his brow and buried his face in soft
hair, subconsciously pulling his love closer. “Please, Cas. Let me help you.
Just, let me save you. I never told you, but you saved me. I was in hell, full
of pain and guilt and regret. And then you walked into my life, and changed all
of that. You saved me, Cas. Let me return the favor.” And just like that, the
tears were back. They kept coming and coming, silent but still so painful. Dean
decided to forgo dinner, settling further in as his own exhaustion crept up.
The two boys slept on through the night, both so full of pain but love as well.
Things would get better. Dean had no idea when, but he would be dammed if Cas
went through one more beating, if one more scab found life on those scarred,
pale arms. Whenever Cas needed him, Dean would be there. He only needed to ask.
Just let him in, that much more. Cas was keeping stuff from him, and it was
killing the kid. But Dean couldn’t force it on him. He just had to wait. There
was nothing else for it but patience.
                Sam turned the lights off when he went to bed, smiling sadly at
the two boys he loved most in the world. His big brother, and his friend.
Rolling his eyes, he spread a blanket over them before going to sleep himself.
Tomorrow was a new day. And hopefully, Sam thought, one that would be better
and happier than today had been. Tomorrow, Sam was determined to get Cas to
talk. If not to him, then Dean. Whatever was going on needed to stop. Sam had
already started researching and even talked to Ellen and Bobby. If Zachariah
lost custody of Cas, if they were able to free him of the abuse, then the
Singer residence would gladly foster him for however long they needed to. After
all, family don’t end in blood, as Bobby was fond of saying. And there was no
doubt of it, Cas was family. And they would be there for him. Always.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Bela Talbot smiled, adding another stack of pictures to the already over-full
folder. It wasn’t about getting Dean, not anymore. It was more personal than
that, just a fun little game she wanted to play. Castiel took the most
attractive man at school, which meant that Bela would be forced to thumb
through sub-standard boyfriends to hook up with. And Bela deserved nothing but
the best. Not just that, it was about status. About something new and shiny in
this dull little town. A toy snatched from her grasp, but now she had a new
game to play. Tucking the folder carefully away again, she made her way down to
the basement. After all, she always had her parents to talk to.
                “Hello Mum. Father.” She smiled, sitting in the single wooden
chair she kept down there. The light above her dramatically cast shadows around
their frozen figures. “Well, I’m still clean. Haven’t touched any drugs in,
hell, over a year now. Haven’t stopped drinking though, but still…not the worst
I suppose.” She smiled sardonically, rubbing her hand lovingly over the cement-
covered head of her mother. She still remembered it, so clearly. She had been
quite intimate with a favorite drug dealer of hers. Only thirteen, but
apparently old enough to fuck and, more importantly, get high. It started out
innocent enough, strict parents with her life all planned out for her, it was
like they were begging for her to rebel. She picked up weed in middle school,
which only escalated after that. Cocaine, Heroin, Meth, Acid, nothing was
beyond her grasp. But she had been attractive, still was, and had an allowance
large enough to get her whatever she felt was needed. Until it ran out, and she
started seducing for fixes. The sap she was fucking at the time was nothing to
her, nothing except a way for another needle to find its way to her veins.
                But then it all ran south. Her parents came home a day early
and caught them. She was already high, just working her way into another fix.
They freaked, but didn’t call the cops immediately. Instead, they wanted to
talk.After all, they didn’t want to deal with a scandal. They tried to convince
her to go to rehab, get back on the track they had planned for her. When she
refused, they threatened to call the cops. That’s about when her dealer freaked
too. Shot them both. Her mom died instantly, as did her dad, but it didn’t stop
him from emptying the entire clip into them. She didn’t feel sad or alarmed or
angry, she just felt a calm settle upon the high she was climbing. Because
despite it all, she was smart. And now she was free too, no one to answer to.
                Her dealer, to put it mildly, was an imbecile. It didn’t take
much to convince him into silence. Even better, she manipulated him into paying
her 5% of his profits from here on out so no one would ever know that he was a
cold-blooded killer. That, and the occasional hook-up whenever she was bored.
What? He may have been empty-headed, but he was quite good in the sack after
all. Not too bad to look at either. So they covered it up. Poured cement over
them after dragging the bodies to the basement so no one would notice the
smell. Then she simply e-mailed their resignation to their respective jobs and
pulled as much as she could from their
accounts
. The money kept flowing, as they were quite rich. She was too young to do so,
but online transactions and forged signatures could go quite far. After all,
everyone thought they were still alive, just on an extended vacation. School
systems were easy to fool too, and life went on as normal, only better. She
kicked the drugs easily, no longer needed them. But every now and then, she
still came down to check in with her parents.
                “I actually didn’t come here about the drugs.” Her smile
widened. “You see, there’s this boy. He doesn’t matter, but what does matter is
what he took from me. A hunk of an almost-man named Dean Winchester. Easily the
only one at that wretched school worthy of me. But he has a dirty little
secret, you see. I have videos, pictures, of him sucking cock. Not just any
cock, but his Dad’s.That’s just fucked to hell, isn’t it? Anyways, he gets beat
up quite a bit too. It’s rather unimaginative, in my opinion. Came up with a
few rather…more creative tortures on some of my more inspiring highs. Anyways,
the little bitch takes it all like the coward he is. Doesn’t even fight back. I
rather think he enjoys it. Don’t think Dean will find it quite so appealing
though. And you know what? I don’t even care if I get him anymore. Just so long
as hedoesn’t have Dean to come crawling to anymore. Sweet revenge and all that.
Anyways, just a few more weeks left. I have more than enough now, but Christmas
can be quite a depressing holiday, don’t you think? Why not add a bit of rape
to the picture.” Bela laughed. “Don’t worry, not you. But Dean will see it all,
make quite a present I imagine. And if you’re worried about holiday blues,” She
frowned, “then don’t. I’ll decorate the basement just as I did last year, lots
of colorful lights to chase away the gloom.”
                Bela clapped her hands, standing to make her fashionable exit.
“Great talk, Mom. Dad. See you again soon.” And with that she turned off the
lights and went to bed.
*                                            
*                                             *
                Castiel sighed, leaning into Dean’s embrace. It was Thursday,
and the swelling on his face had drastically decreased, accompanied by the
bruises. They didn’t bother him too much, but what hurt the most was the look
on Dean’s face whenever he glanced at them. All anger and sorrow and anguish.
Granted, he still looked beautiful, but it pained Cas to see so much hurt on
the face of the one person he had come to love more than anything. They had
jacked each other off a few more times since that first thrilling orgasm,
cloths staying on for each and every encounter. Tonight probably wouldn’t bring
that passion though, as both boys were defiantly in a cuddling sort of mood.
                Things had changed drastically with Zachariah. Luckily, the
“loving” encounters stopped, and things were almost back to the way they used
to be. Still, everything was much more tense than usual, both of them seeming
to know that one more slip-up would unravel everything. Zachariah didn’t want
jail time, and Castiel didn’t want everyone to see his shame. He tried not to
push his father too far. He knew that if Zachariah lost his temper with him
again, then it could be much worse than before. He was looking into property in
Mexico, private
flights
 there, everything to cover his trail if needed. Castiel wasn’t stupid. If
there was one more slip-up, he had no doubt that his father would take him
straight to Mexico with him. And if that happened, then he would never be able
to see Dean again.
                Nuzzling his nose into the crook where neck met shoulder, he
breathed in deeply. The smell was wonderful, all light sweat and skin and musk
and Dean.It surrounded him, and he couldn’t get enough of it. Dean pulled him
in tighter, one hand wandering up to run clever fingers through the silky-
smooth almost-black hair. Lips pressed to his forehead, offering comfort that
words would never be able to provide. It was only another weekend, just like
every other. They would say goodbye on Friday and see each other again on
Monday. But that anxiety was still there. It wasn’t that hard for Castiel to
resolve to never leave Dean. If his father wanted to flee the country, then
that was fine. Cas wouldn’t come with him though.
                Kissing Dean quickly and softly, Cas rose and padded towards
the door. “Where you going?” Dean mumbled sleepily. After all, neither of them
got much sleep last night. Thankfully, Sam wasn’t in the room for it. “Just
grabbing a quick snack.” He smiled, pausing to look back at the form sprawled
shamelessly on the bed.
                “Good.” Dean grumbled. “You’re still too skinny.”
                Cas rolled his eyes, smiling as he headed downstairs. Just as
expected, Sam was still in the kitchen. Thankfully, no one else was there.
                Sitting across from him, Cas cleared his throat and waited for
his friend to look up. Sam did, bitchface already in place to chagrin for last
night. It quickly fell into concern when he saw the hard, serious expression
that met his gaze. “Cas, what’s up? Something wrong?”
                “Nothing’s wrong. Just…I want to trust you with something.
Something big.”
                “Alright.” Sam cleared his books away and leaned forward, his
undivided attention on Castiel. “What is it? Lay it on me.”
                “You know how close I’ve gotten to your family. Not just Dean,
but everyone here welcomed me in without hesitation. Despite my efforts, I
haven’t been able to get close to anyone in my own family. I want you to know
that most of the people I care for most in this world reside here. If something
ever happens to me, if I ever disappear or anything, there’s this journal I
would like Dean to read. He knows where it is. I usually keep it locked in the
trunk. Dean knows where to find it. Just, if I’m gone, tell him what I told
you. But please, don’t mention a word of this to him beforehand.”
                “You…wrote him a note?”
                Cas smiled. “More a story, I suppose. It will explain
everything. Hopefully help you find me.”
                “Find you? Cas, man, please tell me you didn’t just tell me
where you’re stashing your suicide note.”
                “No, I have no intention of killing myself. It’s kind of an
explanation, an apology, a farewell, I’m not entirely sure how to describe it
without giving everything away.” Cas frowned, eyes cast on the table between
them.
                “Then why are you worried about leaving?”
                “My father hasn’t spoken to me about leaving, but I know he is
looking into property and transportation away from here. He, uh, gambles
sometimes. If he owes too much money, he might try and flee. If that happened,
then he would want to take me with him. I doubt there would be time for me to
tell you goodbye in person. Also, the man who did this to me.” Cas gestured
towards his face. He could see Sam’s brow furrow in anger. Both brother’s have
hounded him this week to tell him who it was. Cas flat out refused to tell them
anything of any importance on the event. “He is…quite sadistic. Not just him,
but some of my father’s other…acquaintances can be dangerous. One of them might
come after Zachariah and myself as well. I don’t want Dean to worry though.
That’s why I’m trusting you, Sam.”
                “You know.” Sam smiled sadly. “You could always just tell us
what you need to now. From everything you’ve said and everything we’ve seen,
there’s more than enough dirt to land Zachariah in jail. Just say the word,
we’ll call Sheriff Jody and arrange to get you to live here. Bobby and Ellen
are more than willing.”
                Cas smiled, but it was sullen and far from the hopeful look Sam
had adopted. “I would love nothing more than to do just that. But I can’t.
Please, just don’t tell Dean any of this.”
                “Okay. I don’t like it, but okay. Besides, if I did tell Dean
then he would be even more impossible to be around this weekend. I mean, he’s
always kind of impossible whenever you aren’t here, but it would get worse.”
                “Thank you, Sam.” He stood, walking over to pull the boy in for
a hug. He didn’t really do hugs too much, but he figured the occasion called
for it. To his surprise, Sam wrinkled his nose and pulled away. His arms
dropped like rocks and Cas just stood there awkwardly, not sure what to do now.
“No offense, I mean, I would hug you. But, I mean I could hear everything you
and my brother were doing last night. Seriously, the walls in this house are
way too thin. And I’m pretty sure you were wearing that ridiculous trench coat
at the time and I know for a fact it hasn’t been washed since.”
                Cas blushed and pulled the coat tighter. He didn’t really need
to wear it, not in here. He just liked the fact that Dean always straightened
it out for him, spending much longer than necessary and usually segueing into
impromptu make-out sessions. Still, slightly awkward, Cas turned and headed for
the cabinet to grab the closest bag of chips. After all, that was the reason he
told Dean he came down here in the first place. With one last thank you, Cas
made his exit and headed back upstairs. That uneasy turn was still riling up
his stomach, but it had settled somewhat now that Sam agreed. He didn’t want
anyone to know, but even more than that he didn’t want to leave them. This way,
if Zachariah managed to force Cas to leave, then they would be able to find him
again. After all, that journal held descriptions of what had been done to him,
and now it also held addresses. He included the cabin, his uncle’s house, and
the properties Zachariah was looking at in Mexico.
                Smiling, Cas set down the bag and stared at Dean, sleeping
lightly. He felt like he was home, happy and warm like he always was around
Dean. Sliding carefully into bed beside him, Cas leaned in and brushed his lips
to Dean’s before sighing and snuggling in to sleep. After all, Dean wasn’t the
only one who was tired. He dreamed easily, not the nightmares that usually
plagued him. They were good dreams. All tongue and skin and friction and moans
as Cas’ fantasy of him and Dean took flight. But even more than the heat of the
act was the look in Dean’s eye. The look that promised love and affection and
more. So, so much more.
Chapter End Notes
     Hello everyone and thanks once again for reading! I apologize for
     slow updates, work is still quite busy. Been in the mood to listen to
     Kamelot recently, so here is the playlist I listened to while writing
     this last chapter. Feel free to listen while you read, and remember
     that comments are the fuel to my inspirational fire!!!!
     https://www.youtube.com/
     watch?v=v4hof__r6rk&index=2&list=RD8hG6DsK4eNo&spfreload=10
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Notes
     Starts out with some fluff, but the ending is pretty violent and
     depressing. You have been warned! Sorry about the delay in the
     updates, work kept me busy last weekend so wasn't able to get any
     writing done. Still hope you enjoy! And as always, thank you for
     reading!!!!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                Dean lobbed a snowball, easily catching his angel straight in
the face. The bitch face he got for that could have only been learned from Sam.
Still, it only served to make that irritable, pouty, cold, and wet expression
with that ever-present undercurrent of love and adoration look that much more
adorable. Cas huffed. “You know, I see no point to this.”
                Dean grinned, that cheeky and happy sort of smile that was all
teeth and crinkled eyes. “It’s a snowball fight, Cas. C’mon, its fun!”
                “I don’t want to fight you.” Cas pouted. Dean’s no-doubt witty
reply was cut off when a rather large missile of snow and slush with just a
hint of mud hit him from behind. Sam’s chuckle let him know who threw it
without even having to look around. And given the sly smile that Cas flashed
him, the sneaky bastard had been planning exactly that by luring him out.
Still, Dean was not one to go down fighting. With a lunge and a yelp from his
unsuspecting victim, Dean tackled Cas and let him momentum carry them on as
they rolled in the snow. Dean laughed, throwing his head back and letting the
joy consume him. Castiel frowned, but his eyes shown the true mirth there.
                “Great. Now we are both soaked through and it’s freezing out
here. Remind me how this is supposed to be fun?”
                “Aww c’mon grumpy-pants.” Dean smiled, even as he internally
cringed. Right, grumpy-pants. Not exactly his best work, but still. How could
he complain when Cas was pinned under him, arms wrapped around his waist
pulling him down even closer. “No need to be serious all the time. Besides, I
can tell you’re having a blast.”
                “But I’m cold, Dean.” And there it came, the puffed out bottom
lip accompanied by puppy-dog eyes at full blast. Yeah, he was really going to
have to limit Sam’s time with Cas, his baby brother was clearly a bad
influence.
                “Then let me warm you up.” Dean dropped his voice to that
perfect sort of husky growl that always sent his angel’s eyes wide with that
hint of lust-driven dilation. With one deliberate grind of his hips, Dean sank
as close to Cas as he could, locking lips so their heated breath mingled as
their tongues fought for dominance. The surprised yelp that came from Cas
quickly turned into a growling moan as they rolled a few more times, groping
and panting and not-so-subtly grinding, no longer caring about the snow that
was quickly soaking them through to the skin.
                “Oh, gross guys. Some warning would have been nice.”Sam
grumbled, slapping a hand to his eyes as he came out from behind the bushes.
                “Shut up, bitch.” Dean grinned, pressing in for one last kiss
before pulling them both to their feet.
                “Jerk.” Sam replied as always, smiling as he continued.
“Seriously though, get a room or something. I’m gonna need to seriously bleach
my eyes now.”
                “Sure thing!” Dean let his grin widen, turning to Cas before
adding on, “My room?”
                Cas smiled as well, catching on. “Sounds good to me.”
                “No!” Sam groaned, clutching his stomach in mock sickness.
“Please Dean, I sleep in there too. Don’t make me move to the coach
permanently.”
                “Please.” Dean snickered. “We all know you kip it with Charlie,
big puppy dog you are.”
                Sam glared, having no good comeback. Still, the atmosphere was
friendly, and everything felt so peaceful and just goodright now. Dean never
wanted it to end. His brother and his lover on either side of him, bickering
and laughing as they all should be. Christmas was only two weeks away. Dean had
broached the subject a few times, but Cas still had no idea if he would be able
to spend the holiday with them. And if that sent a small stab of pain through
Dean’s heart, it was nothing compared to the look of despair that Cas wore. It
didn’t take long for Dean to stop bringing it up. Still, he thought about it
constantly. This would be the first real Christmas Dean had had in years, and
the first ever for Sam. So what if he was being picky and girly and slightly
OCD about it? He just wanted the first Christmas with all of them together to
be special. And if it just so happened to be 13 days away and he still hadn’t
come up with a single gift for anyone yet, then whatever. At least Dean was
good under pressure, right?
                “You do realize we have ten minutes before school starts,
right?” Sam interrupted Dean’s musing, breaking the mood in that nerdy way only
his brother could achieve.
                “Yeah, I know.” Dean grunted, reluctant to leave the carefree
atmosphere for another day at school. Cas smiled sadly, nudging them to the
car. Of course the nerds would gang up on him. Still, Dean couldn’t be mad, not
even slightly irritated. Because for the first time in what felt like forever,
he was truly content. He had fought it for a long time, first because of the
memory of his mother weighing heavily on him, then his father’s alcoholism and
delirious chase across the country, then the ever-present need to care for
Sammy, and finally the death of his father grinding guilt into his conscious.
But now? Now all that had been lifted from his shoulders. In a flare of girly
soppiness, Dean turned to the blue-eyed beauty beside him.
                “You raised me from perdition.” He breathed. And damn if all
those crazy books his dad had dug up didn’t lodge some bits and pieces in his
brain. Castiel smiled softly, squeezing his hand. “As did you, Dean. I think,
perhaps, along the way we may have saved each other.”
                And there it was, that slight pang in his chest. Yes, Cas was
happier now. He wasn’t hurting himself, the bullying had stopped, and that
smile made more appearances every day. But he wasn’t truly saved, not yet.
Because there were still those days where he would flinch away, where he
wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes, where he would wince with every step he took.
Because that dick of a father still had him, still hurt him. Dean wanted
nothing more than to get him out, to truly save him. But that was beyond his
power for now. To do so, Cas would need to step up and report the abuse. So
far, it was a losing battle. But if Cas was content to keep on as they were,
then Dean would do his best to be there for him and avoid bringing up any bad
memories. Gripping his hand tightly, Dean opened the car door for his angel.
                The day passed in a blur. Everyone was distracted by the
looming holiday beckoning, and even the teachers were antsy. Still, schoolwork
had to be taught and completed and tests had to be dished out. It wasn’t until
school ended and Dean was on his way to meet up by the car that his blissful
reverie was broken.
                “Dean Winchester.” The dark boy growled, peeling himself from
the shadows of the wall. Uriel, Dean recognized, flanked by Raphael and a few
of their other buddies.
                “Yeah?” Dean snapped, anger flaring. He knew who they were
alright, more importantly he knew what they did to Cas. “What’s it to you?”
                “Absolutely nothing.” Raphael smiled coldly. From what Dean
gathered, this group had been at the top of the high-school food chain until
this year. They intimidated and broke anyone who stood in their way, but Dean
had broke their spell over the school the moment he and his friends stood up
for Cas. Now, they were all but shunned. “But you see, Dean. You humiliated us.
You stood in our way and shot us down. An example has to be made. People need
to know what the consequences of crossing me are.” With a gesture, a few of the
others stepped forward, adopting aggressive stances. Dean may be good in a
fight, but he still didn’t like the odds of ten-to-one. Still, if he was going
down, he would go down fighting.
                “You first, princess.” Dean smirked, gesturing to the boy
closest to him. The first few blows were easy enough to avoid or deflect. But
as time wore on and they kept coming, Dean found himself catching more and more
of them. His chest constricted with exertion and pain and his breath pulled in
harshly. Still, even on the ground his still flailed about, doing his best to
minimize damage and deal out some hits of his own. He felt a rib snap with an
excruciating grunt. His knee his the cement sharply, deeply bruising the joint.
The rough ground scraped him up, and every inch of him felt bruised and bloody.
But the boys didn’t stop, they just kept on kicking him while he was down.
                Closing his eyes, he embraced the darkness closing in. It would
make the pain go away, and his agony would end for the moment. A chocked cry
broke through, dragging him back up instantly.
                “Dean!” Looking up, he saw Cas standing just outside the group,
clawing his way in. No!Dean wanted to shout. No, Cas! Leave! I can’t protect
you now. But no words came out, and Dean watched in horror as the boy was
shoved brutally to the ground.
                “Ah. Castiel.” Raphael sneered. “Just in time.”
                “Please.” Cas pleaded, eyes watering as he refused to look away
from Dean. “Let him go. Take me instead.”
                “Well since you insist.” Raphael snickered, gesturing for the
others to hold Dean down. They were in a secluded spot. Dean knew that no one
would find them in time. “How would you like to see your whore in action?”
Raphael sneered at him while Uriel laughed.
                “No.” Dean choked out.
                “Sorry, didn’t quite catch that.” Raphael replied, attention
already diverted as he stepped up and unzipped his pants.
                “Close your eyes, Dean. Don’t watch.” Castiel cried softly,
tears falling freely. Not waiting for the boy to get on his knees, Raphael
straddled him and sank his junk to the boy’s face. Dean watched on in horror,
tears finally breaking free as a litany of “No.” and “Stop.” fell from his
lips. Still, he could barely move and there was always someone holding him
down. One after another after another took their turns with his angel. Castiel
afforded them every courtesy, and just by watching Dean knew how talented he
must be at it. But his face was wet and creased with pain as he choked them
down. It was horrible, and there was nothing Dean could do to stop it.
                “Well, you certainly haven’t lost your touch, slut.” Raphael
smiled wickedly once they were finally finished. “Now, you’re not going to tell
anyone about this, are you?”
                “No.” Cas replied, tone lifeless as he stared at the ground.
                “Good.” Raphael chuckled before violently kicking the back of
Castiel’s head. Dean saw those beautiful blue eyes roll up as Cas lurched
forward, face planting limply as unconsciousness took him.
                “Dean, Dean, Dean.” Raphael tsked, stepping over Cas. “Have you
learned your lesson?”
                “Fuck you.” Dean spat, struggling to rise even as he sank back
to the ground. “You don’t fucking touch him.”
                “Wrong answer.” Raphael sneered, standing over him. “Now,
you’re not going to tell anyone about this. Because if you do, this-“ He
gestured towards Dean. “Will be nothing compared to what we do to your lover-
boy. Understand? Back off. And don’t tell anyone.”
                Dean had another insult on the tip of his tongue, but the blood
he coughed up gurgled it into nothingness.
                “Good.” Raphael smiled, and just like that they were gone.
                “Cas.” Dean choked, crawling over to clutch the boy to his
chest. “Cas.” He cried again, sobbing into the dark mess of bloody hair. The
cement had cracked his forward open, and blood poured freely down that pale
beautiful face. Dean didn’t care if he was getting it all over him, he had
enough of his own flowing for it to not matter anyways. Instead he kept on
clutching, kept on crying, and for the first time in his life, praying. Praying
to a God he wasn’t even sure existed for Cas to be alright. For their troubles
to end. For Cas to open his eyes again.
                “Cas, you stupid son of a bitch. Why didn’t you listen to me?”
He shook the boy, but still no response. “Cas?” Dean pulled back to grip the
boy’s face in his hand. Blood was everywhere. So, so much blood. He shook him
again, pleading with everything in him to see those blue eyes open again.
                “Cas!”
Chapter End Notes
     Don't worry, Cas isn't dead. I know I left you with a cliffhanger,
     but it felt like the right place to end the chapter. Never fear, will
     start on the next one immediately!!!!
***** Chapter 21 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
                Cas remembered being on his knees, surrounded by monsters who
called themselves people as he agreed to keep his silence. Then there was
nothing but a bright flash swallowed by darkness. Slowly, feeling came back to
him. His throat was raw and full of a vile taste. Blood, semen, and the
familiar bitter taste of vomit he had swallowed down. His limbs felt heavy, way
too heavy for it to be a good thing. His knees burned from where the cement
scraped them raw, and his lips were bruised while his jaw protested the strain
all the abuse put on it. Worst of all was his head. It throbbed violently, like
someone had taken a jackhammer to it. He tried to groan, tried to move, but
barely succeeded.
                Then there was noise, real noise not the blaring, whining snow
in his head. He focused on that, sure that he knew it. Slowly, that voice broke
through the screaming pain. That voice that he would know anywhere. That voice
that he would follow everywhere if he could.
                “Cas? Cas! C’mon man, stay with me. Stay with me buddy. I’m
here. I’m here. Just try not to move, okay? Everything is going to be fine.”
                “Dean?” Cas moaned, automatically leaning in to the boy he just
realized already had him tucked in close. But his voice sounded wrong, slurred
and broken to even his own ears.
                “Shhh. It’s okay, Cas. Everything’s okay now. I got you. I got
you.” But his voice sounded wrong too, choked and broken and pained. With a
jolt, the memories of how Cas ended up on his knees, how he ended up here, like
this, came flooding back.
                “Dean!” Cas frantically tried to sit up and grip him, but he
hadn’t moved more than an inch before nausea and dizziness sent him collapsing
back down weakly. He still couldn’t open his eyes, it felt like they were glued
shut. Still, they burned all the same. It wasn’t until he felt gentle yet
trembling fingers wiping them that he realized he was crying. All he could see
in his mind was Dean, bruised and broken and bloody and in pain. After
everything Dean had done for him, after all the love and support and all the
help that he had given him. After all of that, and Cas couldn’t even return the
favor. He had been too late. More than that, it had been his fault. Dean stood
up to them because he had been too weak to do it, and now here they both were.
                It was a struggle, but Cas finally opened his eyes with a sharp
gasp. The first few blinks were nothing but a red haze, but the blood
eventually cleared. The first thing he saw was the sky, bright and blue and
flashing just as Dean had described his eyes that one day not too long ago. He
remembered it, sitting in what had become their tree house. Dean had been
sketching Cas. It didn’t start out as a good day, Cas had been itching for a
knife all throughout school. The night before had been…unpleasant to say the
least. Catching on to his mood, Dean had started to quietly describe him under
his breath as he drew. It didn’t take long for Cas to put the journal away, to
crawl over to Dean to thank and worship him with hands and mouth where words
choked up and failed him. In the end, it had been a pretty good day.
                “Cas? Cas! You still with me?” Dean broke through his reverie,
pulling him back to the present.
                “Dean?” Cas breathed, finally turning to take him in. He looked
horrible, probably worse than Cas himself looked at the moment. He had his
right arm draped around Cas, pulling him close as his left clutched gingerly at
his side. Looking down, Cas could hear the sharp snap of bones breaking all
over again. More tears came, clearing his vision even more as they
simultaneously blurred it. But it was those eyes that hurt Cas the most.
Usually bright and full of life, now clouded with pain and worry. It wasn’t for
his own pain, though. No, Cas could tell that the pain Dean was feeling most of
all was for him.
                “Dean.” Cas choked again softly, gingerly pressing his lips to
the boy’s heaving chest, unable to lift his head.
                “It’s going to be okay.” Dean repeated. Cas finally realized
that he wasn’t where he last remembered. Looking around in confusion, Cas
recognized the interior of the Impala even as he caught Sam’s frantic gaze in
the rearview mirror.
                “Sam?” He finally acknowledged, confusion as to why he was
driving and seemed so far away settling in. It took much longer than it should
have to realize that was because he and Dean were sprawled in the back, while
Sam seemed to be breaking every traffic law known to man as he furiously
speeded them to…wherever they were going.
                “Hey Cas.” Sam got out, tight-lipped in worry and fear. “Glad
you’re still with us. It was kind of touch and go for awhile.”
                “Where are we going?” Cas considered sitting up for a better
look, but thought better of it given his last attempt. No use in passing out
again now that he had just woken up.
                “A hospital.” Sam replied, eyes flitted studiously back to the
road.
                “Oh.” That made sense. Panic flared briefly, the urge to scream
No! We can’t go there. I can’t go there!rose briefly in his throat, but Cas
pressed it back down easily. After all, he wasn’t the only one hurt. Dean
needed a hospital, needed help more than Cas did now. And somehow, that made it
all alright. His father would be furious, and there was the possibility of all
his scars and secrets being revealed, but it would all be worth it if it meant
Dean would be okay. He would do anything to make sure Dean was safe and well
again.
                Dean shuddered beside him, breath gurgling as he coughed up
more blood. Numbly, Cas just sat there in his arms. Everything was wrong, and
his body refused to obey. The oppressive darkness was lurking back in, seeping
at the edge of his vision. It was difficult, but he fought it back. He would be
there for Dean. He would stay awake until he was sure his love was being cared
for. Time began folding in and out of itself, flashing and spreading as it
swirled around his head. The hammers were back, pounding away at his skull from
inside and out, drowning out everything else. Even the purr of the Impala he
had grown to love faded away. Next thing he knew, Dean’s presence slipped away
from his back.
                Panicked, Cas finally found the strength to move, struggling to
turn and see where he had gone.
                “It’s okay, Cas. I got him.” Sam reassured him, wrapping Dean’s
arm around his shoulder as he dragged his brother out of the car. Dean’s eyes
had closed, and giving how limply he hung there it wasn’t hard to realize that
he had finally passed out.
                A woman was passing by, stopping in her tracks when she saw
them. “Oh my god!” She exclaimed, dropping her purse as she rushed forward.
“Here, let me help.”
                “Thanks.” Sam grunted, allowing her to take the weight of his
brother so he could return for Cas.
                Even as they struggled towards the entrance, nurses were
rushing forward and calling out orders to usher them inside. It was all a mess
in Cas’ head. He got snippets of what was going on. Like that the Impala was
still running. How Sam was breathing reassurances into his ear. The purse, left
forgotten for the moment on the sidewalk. He frowned. She shouldn’t leave it
there, someone could steal it. But she was helping Dean, so Cas couldn’t find
it in him to object.
                “I got you Cas.” Sam said, pulling him through the doors. Time
played its cruel tricks on him again. He was back in the car, watching Sam
allow a stranger to take his brother. Cas frowned even deeper. That was wrong.
Sam shouldn’t let Dean go like that. They were brothers. But then it hit him.
Sam let him go, not because he was being careless. He let him go because he
wasn’t the only brother who was hurt. Sam loved him too. It was like a punch to
the gut. Cas didn’t deserve Dean’s love, he didn’t deserve Sam to take him in
too. It was a different love, granted. But love all the same. Because they were
family.That word, so foreign and reassuring that Cas had lost long ago, flowing
down the river with his mother. But he had found it again. Here, in his lover,
Dean. In his brother, Sam. In Bobby and Ellen, who griped at him the same way
they griped at their own kids. In Jo and Charlie. In Kevin and Benny and
Jessica and Garth. His friends. His family.
                And then he was back, shattering into the present as they
crossed the threshold. But it was different now, better in a way. Because he
knew he was cared for, and that made all the difference in the world.
                A nurse approached them, and Cas summoned what little energy he
had left to gesture towards Dean. “No. Help him first. He needs it more than I
do.”
                The nurse hesitated, before taking in how bad Dean really was.
With a brisk nod, she turned away and with the help of a few others, loaded
Dean onto a bed to be wheeled away.
                “Hey.” Sam nudged him gently, allowing the boy to slump even
more into him, exhausted. “You need help too, Cas.”
                “Castiel?” A sharp, clear voice cried out, its owner steeping
into view. Dark hair, glasses that he didn’t really need but wore anyways while
he was at work, slightly above average height, dark eyes and a pale complexion.
Castiel would know that man anywhere. Inwardly cringing, he immediately cast
his eyes down to the feet of the man in front of him. Michael Milligan.
                “Hey.” The man crouched in front of him, turning his chin up.
Castiel had met those eyes many times before. He was used to the guilt and pity
overlain with lust that he would see there. But for the first time, Cas saw
none of that. Instead, the man’s eyes shown with sympathy and regret and…could
it be possible? Worry. Michael Milligan was actually worried about him.
                “What happened?” He was frowning now, glancing over to where
Dean had already been taken and the woman standing there awkwardly, uncertain
of what to do now.
                Cas steeled his gaze, letting it glaze over into indifference
as he had done so many times when confronted with that question. Michael’s lips
thinned before standing to take him from Sam.
                “It’s okay. I’ve got him now. C’mon Castiel, let’s get you
cleaned up.”
                “A-alright. Thanks. I’ll wait here I guess.”Sam took a few
steps back, frowning as he watched Cas disappear down a corridor adjacent to
where he brother had been taken.
                Michael waved off the nurses, saying he was a friend of the
family and would care for Castiel himself. There were flashbacks as Michael
continued to lead him, bringing him back briefly to all those other times he
had done his best to patch Cas up again. But they didn’t hold the body-locking
horror as usual. They just numbed him even more, the pounding ramping up in his
head in time with his quickening breath.
                “Almost there.” Michael grunted, taking him past the last few
doors before steering him into another blank examination room, his office
connected through a door at the back. Locking the door behind him, Michael led
him to the bed before allowing him to all but collapse on the too-hard surface.
                “I need you to remove your cloths, Castiel.”
                “I’m sorry.” Cas let his head fall weakly down, speaking into
the mattress. “I don’t think I have the strength to fellate you now.”
                “No!” His voice came out strangled, so different from his usual
calm. “No, not for that. Not anymore.” He took a deep breath before continuing,
Cas managing a slight frown of confusion.
                “No.” His tone was gentler now, apologetic. “I need you to
disrobe so I can make sure you don’t have any other serious injuries.”
                “Oh.” Castiel replied, indifference seeping in as sleep lurked
ever closer. “I’m sorry.” He all but whispered, strength sapped completely. “I
still don’t think I can.”
                “It’s alright.” And there is was again, that voice so smooth
and trustworthy even though Cas knew he would never be able to trust the man
who owned it. “Here, let me help.” Michael was clinical about it, trying to
keep everything professional. Both men still flinched at every contact, even
though it was nothing they hadn’t touched, hadn’t felt before. But it was
different now, no lust behind the movements. Just a doctor helping his patient.
                Michael eyed the scrapes and bruises, gingerly feeling around
for broken bones. His head had stopped bleeding long ago, but the pain and
sticky warmth of drying blood remained. He dutifully swallowed some painkillers
before allowing himself to be sponged down. Michael dressed him in the standard
hospital gown, digging out a robe to cover his back as well before stitching up
the wound.
                “We need to run a few tests. You probably have a concussion.”
                “I know.” Castiel sighed. It was a procedure he had been
through multiple times.
                “Did Zachariah do this to you?” For the first time, coldness
found a way to creep back into his tone. Castiel shivered involuntarily.
                “No. Just some boys at school.”
                “Same boys you used to…you know.” Michael continued awkwardly,
a faint blush lighting his cheeks. Anger flared briefly, but his body was too
weak to support the emotion. Still, he managed to spit, “Used to what? Do the
same things I did to you every time you or my father asked?”
                The blush deepened, and Michael avoided his gaze. “Yes. That.”
He squeaked out softly. Castiel sighed deeply before nodding in affirmation.
                “You should report them.”
                “I can’t. You know I can’t.”
                “I know.” Michael sighed, finishing up with his forehead before
moving to the damp hair that had new blood oozing through it at the back of his
head. They didn’t talk again. Michael cleaned him up, stitched and bandaged
every injury before taking him down for tests. It wasn’t until afterwards, when
Cas was once again alone with him back in the room before conversation started
up again.
                “Does your father know?”
                “No.”
                “You should call him.”
                “You can.” Castiel inclined his head towards the bloody pile of
cloths still in the room where his cell phone resided in the pocket of his
ruined jeans. “He’s out of town.” Castiel didn’t know why he said it, but it
seemed like it should be important. Michael nodded, digging out the phone and
dialing the number. Seconds later, Cas heard the muffled sound of his father
answering.
                “Zachariah? Yes, hello. It’s Michael. Look, your son is here at
the hospital, he was injured pretty badly at school. What? Yes, yes, I took
care of it. No one saw anything trust me. Look, I need his insurance
information to pay for treatment and-“ Michael paused frowning deeply at
whatever his father was saying to him.
                “No! No, that won’t be acceptable for payment. No-I-Look! I
know I accepted that in the past and-No! I’m done with that. You have money,
Zachariah. You won’t even notice a dent in your wallet paying for his care.”
Michael paused again. Cas could hear the yelling coming from the phone, but
couldn’t make out any words.
                “Why?” Michael laughed hysterically before screaming himself.
“Because it’s wrong, Zachariah! That’s why! It’s wrong and I was a fool for
ever agreeing to it in the first place. I was weak and should never have done
any of that. Took me a long time to realize it, but I can’t do it anymore. I’m
done. Forever. Just e-mail me the insurance details.” And with that, Michael
hung up.
                “Done, huh?” Castiel smirked emotionlessly.
                “Yes. I’m done doing those things to you. I’m done hurting you
Castiel.”
                His smirk only increased. “So that’s why you haven’t been back?
One little ‘no’ and you grow morals all of a sudden.” Michael looked down,
defeat and shame rolling from his hunched shoulders. Cas frowned, realizing the
man was sincere. A sudden thought struck him, bringing back that tinge of hate
for the man in a heartbeat. “But you won’t stop Zachariah or the others from
hurting me.”
                “No.” Michael hung his head, returning the phone.
                “Because you’ll get in trouble too.”
                “Yes.” Michael finally looked up to meet his eyes. “Because I’m
still weak and selfish and I know I’m going to hell for it, but-“
                “I know.” Castiel closed his eyes, wishing they would just let
him sleep. “I understand.”
                It was late, much later than he realized. Hours had passed
since Michael called his father. Castiel turned it all over in his head. He
truly did understand Michael. Because he was weak too. Weak and ashamed of his
deeds. But this wasn’t just about him. This was about Dean too. And where Dean
was concerned, he couldn’t afford to be weak.
                Mind made up, he dug his phone back up and made a quick call
that he knew could possible destroy all the walls he put up to keep his secret
sins locked away from the prying eyes of the public.
                “Hello, Ellen? I need to speak to Sheriff Mills.”
 
Chapter End Notes
     Hello to all my readers!!! I hope that you have enjoyed this chapter
     as much as I have!!! I'm moving today, so not sure when I will have
     internet back up but will continue writing so I can post again as
     soon as I get it!!! Nearing the end here, hopefully have this wrapped
     up in a few more chapters (no guarantees though). Afterwards, I will
     start outlining a sequel about their recovery that will have a lot
     more fluff and hopefully a lot less angst. Never thought that this
     story would be this long when I first starting writing, but for those
     who have been there from the beginning, thank you for reading and
     sticking through this far with me and thank you for all the amazing
     comments!!! Will update as soon as I get a chance!!!!!
***** Chapter 22 *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello! Sorry for the long wait, work kept on keeping on after I
     finally got my wifi up, I wanted to try and finish this story before
     posting since it had been so long. Unfortunately, I was unable to
     complete it but I did pen out a few chapters. So I am posting them
     all at once here now for you to enjoy!
Cas! Dean wanted to scream as he saw his love pitch forward, practically
lifeless as he fell to the unforgiving ground.
                “Dean, Dean, Dean.” Came that nasal reprimand from the douche
that hurt hisCas. “Have you learned your lesson?”
                “Fuck you.” Dean instantly spat, speckles of blood flaking his
saliva as he tried to unsuccessfully stand. “You don’t fucking touch him.” He
couldn’t help but add, hoping his threat was received loud and clear despite
his current situation.
                “Wrong answer.” Raphael replied, looming over him. Dean
instantly thought of five different ways to throw the arrogant dick onto his
ass, but his body refused to respond. “Now.” Raphael continued, all but
leering. “You’re not going to tell anyone about this. Because if you do, this-“
He waved over the general vicinity of Dean’s broken, bleeding, throbbing body.
“Will be nothing compared to what we do to your lover-boy. Understand? Back
off. And-“ His mouth twisted into that cocky sneer again, the one that knew he
had Dean by the balls here. “Don’t tell anyone.”
                Dean coughed, more blood flying to choke off his reply. “Good.”
Was the parting word Raphael left him with before Dean was all alone with his
unconscious angel. It was all a blur after that, crawling over to the boy that
had come to mean everything to him. Cradling his nearly lifeless body in his
arms and pleading for him to wake up. He could feel his pulse, the whisper of
breath on his neck, but those were the only signs of life. And it wasn’t nearly
enough. Dean rolled over, pulling Cas’ limp body onto his chest as he used his
legs to propel them agonizingly slowly towards the parking lot. Towards safety.
Towards help.
                In reality, it was probably only a few minutes later (what felt
like hours to Dean) before the sweet cries of his brother filled the air.
                “Dean!” Running feet pounding ever closer, his name cried
louder and louder, and then there were familiar hands on him, struggling to
help him.
                “No!” Dean choked out. “Cas first.” He managed to fish his keys
out of his pocket while Sam grunted lifting Cas up. Half crawling and half
limping, Dean followed them to his baby. Sam managed to get them both into the
back seat before high-tailing it to the nearest hospital. It was spotty again
after that, in and out of panic mixed pain and the soothing blackness. In the
end, he couldn’t hold on any longer. The blackness won.
                The next thing Dean knew, he woke up to an annoying beeping,
darkness, an aching itch all over, and the undeniable need to pee.
                “Uh.” Was all he managed to get out at first.
                “Dean?” Came a chorus of voices. Blinking in the dim light he
began to comprehend, the faces of Ellen, Bobby, and Sam came into view.
                “Bathroom.” Dean managed. “I need to get to-“ He tried sitting
up, realizing quickly it wasn’t the best idea.
                “Uhm.” Sam said hesitantly, not quiet looking at him. “You
don’t need us to-uh-I mean the doctors-“
                “Don’t say it Sammy.” Dean grimaced, glad he hadn’t been awake
for that part. He closed his eyes again, exhaustion lingering. “How long have I
been out.”
                “Not too long.” Ellen cut in, gripping his hand. “Few hours.
Just since this afternoon, sweetie.”
                Dean frowned. Ellen calling him sweetie. She only did that when
she was worried. He must really be in bad shape. “How bad is it?”
                “Two broken ribs, three bruised, dislocated shoulder, and a
bruised knee. Internal bleeding thanks to those goddamn broken ribs. Lucky Sam
here got you to the hospital so fast, you idjit.” Bobby’s gruff voice swam in,
his tense tone letting Dean know just how worried he was too. Dean groaned.
Yeah, the odds were against him, but still. Getting beat this bad? It hurt his
pride just as much as his protesting body.
                “They want to keep you here a week, Dean.” Sam said quietly. A
whole week, huh? Must really, really be fucked then, Dean couldn’t help but
think cynically. “Who did this to you, boy?” Bobby demanded, somehow equally
quietly. He opened tired eyes to look at the worried faces of his loved ones. A
sudden thought struck him as the memories came pouring back.
                “Cas! Where’s Cas? Is he alright?” Dean managed to sit up at
that, only to be easily pushed back down onto the bed.
                “Cas is fine! Calm down Dean. You’re not ready for that yet.
Broken ribs? Internal bleeding? Ringing any bells?” There it was, the Sam
bitch-face, only slightly lessened by his concern leaking through.
                “He’s fine? He’s okay?” Dean asked hopefully. Sam looked away.
Narrowing his eyes, Dean continued. “Sammy? Tell me Cas is okay.”
                “He’s a little beat up, doctors say it’s a concussion but
nothing too serious. He should be released in the morning.” Ellen supplied,
also looking away. Bobby found sudden interest in the window as well. Dean’s
eyes narrowed even further. “Guys-“ He warned. “What aren’t you telling me.”
                “Cas called me.” Ellen continued. “He wanted to speak with
Sheriff Mills.”
                “And?” Dean prompted, frustration rising.
                “And that was over two hours ago.” Ellen finally met his eyes.
“She’s still with him.”
                Dean sighed, closing his eyes. This was a good thing, he tried
to remind himself. But still, the threats rang in his ears, and he just kept
seeing Cas lying as broken and beaten as he had been. And then, he remembered
all the times Cas flinched away from touch, he remembered Zachariah cold eyes
and sneering grin. He could only imagine what that bastard did to Cas. What
horrors Sheriff Mills might be digging through in Cas’s past. He sighed again.
Tired. He was just so tired.
                “Wake me up when Cas gets here. Or if you hear any news.”
                “Of course Dean.” Sam smiled sadly. “Just get some rest.” And
rest, Dean did.
*                             *                             *
                “Hey there.” Sheriff Jody Mills smiled, hand still raised from
where she knocked on the door frame. Cas smiled his smallest of grins, all he
could muster at the moment. “How you feeling?” She still kept her friendly
demeanor firmly in place, but worry creased her forehead. Cas had to force back
a chuckle. So many people seemed to be worrying about him lately. It was
unusual, but not unpleasant. His smile widened. “Better now. Painkillers work
wonders.”
                She chuckled, closing the door behind her to offer privacy
before pulling up a chair. “Good.” She seemed to hesitate, searching what he
hoped looked like his open, honest face before continuing. “Ellen called. Said
you wanted to have a little chat.”
                “Yes.” He replied firmly, never breaking eye contact. This was
important, after all. This was for Dean. And he wouldn’t mess it up,
consequences be damned. “I want to tell you who did this to us. I want you to
lock them up and never let them so much as look at Dean ever again.”
                “Or you, right?” She said after a moment, searching him again
as her smile faded. Damn, already messing this up. “Yes.” He said meekly, gaze
momentarily flickering to his hands. “Or me.”
                “I can’t guarantee anything, but I can promise to do everything
in my power to make sure you boys are safe and the ones who did this to you get
what’s coming to them. Does that work for you?”
                “Yes Mam.” His smile slowly returned. Dean and his family
trusted her, so Cas would place his faith in her as well. “I-I don’t know all
their names but I do know some, and can describe the rest.”
                “Just tell me whatever you can when you’re ready.” There it was
again, that friendly smile, full of warmth only a mother could possess. Cas
decided he liked her. He would be able to do this. The Sheriff pulled out a
notebook and dutifully recorded everything. There were only two boys Cas didn’t
recognize, but from descriptions alone and Raphael’s known friends, they were
confident that it wouldn’t take long for their names to surface.
                “And, was this the first attack? Or were there past
altercations? The severity of both your injuries, well, it suggests past
violence. Maybe something more personal?” Cas knew she was only doing her job,
but this was the part he had been dreading. Closing his eyes firmly and taking
a deep breath, Cas continued.
                “No, there have been past…conflicts. Nothing physical though,
not with Dean. A few of them would beat me up now and then, nothing too serious
honestly. But Dean, well-“ Cas smiled, remembering every moment Dean had stood
between him and his tormentors. “Dean put a stop to that. He was bigger than
me, stronger and more confident. I guess he sort of frightened them. He and his
friends put a stop to all of that. They didn’t hurt me anymore. I didn’t-“ Cas
cut off, feeling the shame redden his cheeks.
                “Didn’t what, Castiel?” She said softly, gripping his hand like
she clearly knew he needed right now.
                Mustering up the rest of his courage, he opened his eyes and
met hers, determination rippling through him. “I didn’t fellate them in the
school bathrooms anymore.”
                She froze, clearly not expecting that. Shock softened into
sympathy after a moment, no judgment or disgust whatsoever in her expression.
“Did they force you to do that?”
                “No. They asked. I just did what they wanted me to. What they
asked me to.”
                “Because you were afraid they would hurt you if you told them
no?”
                “No, I mean… I’m not sure…” Confusion creased his brow. He
didn’t think of them hurting him when they asked. He only thought of his
father, and what he expected would come of refusing him. He had never thought
of it like that before. Doubt suddenly crept in, shining through the blackness
that consumed him inside. Not a whore…just afraid. Or maybe still a whore all
the same. He wasn’t sure, but he would be damned if he let go of that bit of
light shining through.
                “An easier question, maybe. Did you want them to do that to
you, Castiel?” She leaned forward, catching his gaze. A ghost from his past
overlapped her for half a second, and Cas could have sworn he saw his mother’s
love in her expression. There could only be one reply to that.
                “No.” Cas breathed, soft but absolute. He suddenly felt naked,
stripped bare to show how weak and afraid and alone he truly was inside. Her
hand shook in his, and it took him a moment to realize that it wasn’t her but
him that was shaking. Shaking and shivering all over as his vision blurred and
tears broke free. “No, I never wanted to. Not for them. Not for any of them.
But I had to! I had-They, they asked me to! Told me to! I-I-I-“
                “Shhh.” She broke him off, pulling him in for a hug. Cas hung
on as tight as he could, sobbing into her shoulder and imagining he smelled his
mother’s perfume instead of the leather of her jacket.
                “You didn’t deserve that. You don’t need to do that for anyone.
Not if you don’t want to. Understand? You don’t have to do anything you don’t
want to do.”
                “But I have to!” He persisted, repeating everything that had
been beat into him for as long as he could remember. “I’m-I’m broken and dirty
and damned. I killed my mother and deserve nothing better. It’s my punishment,
my reparation. Because she was pure and good and kind and she died because of
me. What other reason am I alive for other than to suffer and serve and sin
until-until I go to hell and nothing changes because it’s where I belong. It’s-
It’s where-“ Sobs consumed him again, and he burrowed ever deeper into her
jacket, hanging desperately onto every reassurance even as that sickly voice
inside him insisted Noand Sinner and Damned at every word she spoke. But he
clung to those soft assurances as he clung to her nonetheless, because he was
tired of pain and tired of shame and most importantly, Deanwould agree with
her. Cas knew he would. Because if he believed any less of the boy he loved,
then there truly was no hope for him. So he cried and strived to believe in the
arms of someone who reminded him so much of her until there were no tears left
to shed. Until there was nothing left to give and exhausted, he allowed her to
lie him back so he could finally get some rest that he so longed for. The
darkness crept in, and for the first time in a long time, he didn’t fear the
dreams he knew sleep would bring.
                                        
***** Chapter 23 *****
                Dean woke up again much later. Only Ellen was there now, dozing
in the chair. Dean smiled, watching her snore slightly just to his right. The
sun filtered through the curtains behind her, framing her body in light. She
did so much for him, so much for Sammy, for Cas, for all the lonely orphans he
cared about. Ellen, the mother to beat all mothers, he thought fondly. Grunting
slightly, he pulled himself up as much as he could. God, what he would give to
be healthy again, to just stand up and saunter over to the bathroom so he could
relieve himself as anything other than an invalid. Sure, he appreciated the
fact that he wasn’t wetting himself, but this…situation was degrading all the
same. To him, at least. After all, Winchesters and their pride and all.
                Ellen stirred at the noise, blinking into consciousness. Dean
grinned cheekily at her, waiting for the realization to sink in. She blinked a
few more times before a slow smile spread as she met his gaze. “You’re awake.”
                “Yep.” Dean grinned wider, shuffling around to get more
comfortable and only wincing slightly. He could feel the bandages tugging
underneath the gown and sheets. His right shoulder, torso, and left leg were
all wrapped snugly but not painfully tight. He gently tested his joints for
movement, grimacing occasionally. Ellen watched him, resigned. She knew the
type of life John raised him for, and while she may not agree with it she
wasn’t going to stop Dean from assessing his damage for himself. He figured it
would be a day or two before he could walk on his own again, up to a month
before he was 100% again. Still, that knee of his might never fully recover.
Sighing, he sank back and resigned himself to a life of always being the first
to know when rain was coming thanks to a certain protesting joint.
                “Cas?” Dean asked, just as Ellen knew he would.
                “Bobby’s with him. His dad was out of town, so the doctor’s let
him leave with us a few hours ago.”
                “Really?” Dean was surprised, but not disappointed in the
slightest. Definitely better than hanging out in a hospital indefinitely.
“Yeah.” Ellen smiled. “Shocked us too. That doctor who treated him was a family
friend or something. One word from Cas and he signed the boy over to us. Still,
not going to complain. The boy needed a home to go to, just happy to oblige.”
Ellen smiled that smile, the one she reserved for her kids.Dean smiled too,
knowing Cas was practically one of hers at this point too.
                “How is he?” Dean asked shyly, fidgeting in his bed. Ellen knew
what Cas meant to Dean, but feelings were still a subject to be avoided in his
book. She took his hand nonetheless, gripping tightly. “He’s tired. Been
through a lot, if you ask me. But he’s in good hands, Dean. Couldn’t stop
asking about you either. If you want my advice, don’t let this one go, Dean. I
know how you were when we first got you, and I know how much that amazing kid
has helped you. Just…hold on to him.”
                “I will.” Dean closed his eyes briefly, conjuring up that
beautiful smile. God, was he going to hold on to that angel with all he had. “I
will.” He repeated, as Ellen gripped his hand even tighter and the two sat
there in comfortable silence, dreaming of the promises of the future.
*                             *                             *
                Cas held the pills in his hand, rotating his wrist so they
clanked around in the jar. Michael had signed him out with Bobby and Ellen
after a quick word from him. The tests he ran that morning showed that Cas was
out of the danger zone and no longer needed to be observed. The pain was back,
a gentle throbbing that could easily be ignored. With a sigh, Cas tucked the
pills into his pocket. After all, they would be of more help later, after his
father returned from business.
                “How you doing?” Ellen asked from the front seat. Sam was with
Dean now, Ellen giving him a few hours alone with his brother. “I’m fine.” Cas
replied, eyes fixed on the scenery passing by. Sheriff Mills had stopped by
before he checked out, letting him know that they found all the boys and had
them in custody. Apparently, they had bullied quite a few others who were all
stepping forward now that word was out that they were in trouble. She told him
that juvie was the least of their worries. With all the charges being pressed,
they would be lucky to get out of being tried as adults here in about a year.
Regardless of their sentence, she assured him that they would never have a
chance to so much as come near him or Dean in the near future. It lifted the
guilt off his chest somewhat. He considered confiding in her the rest of his
troubles. Considered it for what felt like forever. But cowardice won out. He
had thanked her instead, exchanging one last embrace before leaving with the
Singer family.
                “You did a good thing back there.” Bobby added, face firm but a
spark of…pride? Yes, there was that tiniest glimmer of pride leaking through
all the worry. Cas just sighed, looking away. “I did nothing. Dean got hurt
because of me. Because he stood up and tried to stop them. And I just did
nothing. Always nothing…” he trailed off, closing his eyes to conjure up that
image of his ruined body in the mirror in front of him. It wasn’t hard to
picture, it often came to him lately. He may not be physically hurting himself
anymore, but him mind seemed to pick up the razor’s slack quite easily.
                “It wasn’t nothing, Cas.” Ellen smiled, soft and sad like she
had been so often lately around him. She almost never used his nickname,
Dean’snickname for him. But it calmed him just the same, as she knew it would.
His reflection melted away as he met her gaze, clinging to the warmth there. To
the love. Who knew there was so much of it in the world, and so many people
willing to share a bit with him. It may be selfish, but Cas couldn’t help but
pull each and every spark of it he found in close. Her smile widened as she
continued. “It took a lot of balls. Not a lot of people, and a hell lot fewer
teenagers would share what you did. It took courage. You did a good thing back
there. Don’t forget it.”
                “Will everyone know?” He couldn’t help that slight tremor to
his voice. After all, this was what he had always feared. Everyone knowing how
filthy he was. How tarnished. He could already see the disgust that was sure to
come, the rejection and disdain. Ellen faltered. “It won’t be common knowledge,
but yes. I’m afraid word is bound to get out.” Cas hung his head, fear churning
his gut. Ellen plowed on, quick to reassure. “It wasn’t your fault, Castiel. No
one here is going to judge you or look at you any different. We’re family, and
we stick together no matter what.”
                “Family.” Cas breathed, looking out the window once more. He
just wished it was true. “Can I really be in your family?”
                “You already are, idjit.” Bobby added on, the familiar loving
insult sending a stab of happiness through Castiel before the emptiness settled
back in.
                “I mean, really part of your family. Waking up next to Dean
every morning and going down to breakfast with everyone. Bickering with Jo and
trading books with Charlie and Sam. All the time, every day. Why can’t it be
like that?”
                “Because.” Ellen looked away sadly. “You have your own family
to go back to too.” And Cas nodded in resignation, because he may have a
family. He may have a father and a home and siblings so far away. But that
family had long ago lost the warmth of love, and now Gabriel was gone and Anna
shipped away and his Father brought only pain and shame and that home he loved
had turned into a prison. Swallowing the tears before they could spill, he
focused on the throbbing in his head and emotionlessly changed the subject.
                “My father will come back tonight. I expect he will want to
take me home.”
                “Of course. You’re welcome anytime, for as long as you need.
Bobby and I have no problem with you staying a few more days, if your father is
okay with it and that’s what you want.”
                “It’s what I want.” Cas mumbled, sleep curling ever closer.
“But it’s not what hewants.”
                Castiel spent most of the morning sleeping, waking irregularly
to question about Dean’s status. Sam stopped by around lunch, bearing grilled
cheese and thanks. Cas smirked, repeating again that he had done nothing, it
was all Dean. Sam thanked him regardless, smiling through the cheese and
toasted breadcrumbs. It was easy and familiar and everything Cas needed to
ground him before they returned to the hospital to visit Dean. Butterflies
attacked his stomach at the thought of seeing what shape Dean was in. What had
happened to him, what was done to him, all because of Cas.
                The trip there was uneventful. Cas tuned out the snippets of
conversation that started and halted. It appeared he clearly wasn’t the only
one worried here. One minute, Cas was watching the world flash past. Then next,
it all halted in the beautiful image of that smile. That smile that still shown
despite the broken body that bore it. That smile that he somehow knew was just
for him.
                “Cas.” Dean breathed happily doing his best to sit up.
                “Dean.” Cas choked out, throwing himself to the bedside. He
gripped Dean’s hand in his tightly, carefully avoiding all the tubes and
bandages that seemed to cover his love. In reality, it wasn’t all that bad. But
Cas was panicking, and panic always throws things out of proportion. “Are you
okay? Please tell me you are. I’m so sorry Dean. I’m so, so-“
                “Hey.” Dean cut him off, wincing a bit to slide his other hand
through the boy’s hair. “It’s okay Cas. I’m fine. I’m going to be alright.”
Dean kept on reassuring him until the tears could slow. The others watched in
silence, there out of love and support and smart enough to not interfere. “No
need to apologize Cas. Wasn’t your fault.”
                “But it was.” Cas hiccupped. “It was all my fault. Always my
fault.”
                “Don’t blame yourself Cas. You’re just like me. So stubborn and
always beating yourself down. But you know what? You don’t need to anymore.
Because you are the most amazing person in the whole world and I won’t quit
showing you that until you believe it too. Understand? You’re awesome Cas,
never forget that.”
                “Wow.” Sam couldn’t help but jump in. “They must really have
you doped up. I think that could be classified as a chick-flic moment.”
                “Shut up, bitch.”
                “Jerk.” Sam snickered before sobering up and coming over to the
other side. “But seriously. How are you?”
                “Ahem.” A voice interrupted from the doorway. All heads turned
to the doctor standing there and Cas visibly tensed. Only Dean noticed, but the
question died on his lips as the doctor continued. “I came to give you all an
update on his condition.”
                “What happened to the other doctor?” Ellen frowned, staring at
this new man in confusion. He had been the doctor to sign Cas out to them, not
the one who had been treating Dean. The man chuckled nervously. “Dean’s gotten
a bit better. I’m the one who is going to aid in his recovery.”
                Cas wanted to scream. Wanted to curse and assail the heavens
with his pleas. Not him. Not Michael. No way did Cas want him anywhere near
hisDean. Michael may have made promises, may have sworn to be above and beyond
the sins of his past, but he had still hurt him. Had still used and fucked and
beat and bandaged him just like all the others. Cas may trust himself in his
hands, but not Dean. Never Dean.
                “Michael.” Cas stepped in before the others could question
further. “May I speak with you outside?”
                “Of course, Castiel.” Michael’s gaze softened even as his
shoulders tensed slightly.
                “Excuse me.” Castiel brushed off the others questioning looks
before following Michael into the hallway and down to his office. Neither spoke
until the door was firmly closed behind them. Only then did Cas finally let his
anger burst forth. “You. Fucking. Bastard.” Cas practically growled, eyes
darkening as he turned to face his former abuser. “What the hell are you
playing at?”
                “P-playing at?” Michael stuttered nervously, loosening his tie
as he retreated to sit behind his desk.
                “Yes. Why the hell are you, of all the doctors here, going to
be treating Dean?”
                “Because I’m the best qualified.” There was the return of the
familiar spark of dominance Cas remembered. The arrogance he would never forget
before it lessened. “And because I meant what I said. I’m done hurting you.
I’ve done so, so much wrong by you. And I may be too much of a coward to ever
really fix it for you, but I want to help you where I can. And if by helping
your friend, I make it up even a little bit to you, then it will be worth it.
Dean is a very fit, very athletic young man, and I happen to be his best hope
at ever returning to form. And I will do my best to make sure he recovers as
fast and fully as I can. But if you would prefer another, then that can always
be arranged as well.”
                And there it was, that punch in the gut to remind Cas that this
wasn’t about him, but Dean. The anger drained from his body, and Cas sagged
into the chair across from Michael. “You promise you’ll help him?”
                “I promise.” Michael replied firmly.
                “And you won’t hurt him?” Cas couldn’t help the worry, the
anguish leaking through.
                “I promise I will not harm Dean.”
                Cas sagged even further, all fight gone. “Do it.” He breathed,
eyes glistening as he met Michael’s regretful gaze. “Help Dean. Please.”
                “I will.” Michael replied, the two sitting there regarding the
other for just a moment longer. They returned to Dean’s room, Cas quickly
insisting Bobby take him back home the moment it became apparent Michael
wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. Dean looked hurt, but a sweet, gentle kiss
from Cas soothed the pain away. “I’ll be back soon, Dean.” Cas vowed before
following Bobby out. The ride home was quiet, almost tense. Bobby knew
something was up with Cas, and Cas knew that no matter how curious Bobby might
be, he wasn’t going to ask questions. Bobby soon proved him wrong, as the two
sat at the dining table sipping coffee and picking at the burgers Bobby picked
up on the way back.
                “So what was that little freak-out about back in the hospital?”
Bobby asked, carefully studying his burger. Cas sighed. Here it was, the
interrogation he had been avoiding. “It was nothing.”
                “Didn’t look like nothing.” Bobby finally looked at him. Yep,
no getting out of this conversation. Cas sighed, immediately discarding the
notion to lie. He may tell Bobby the truth, but that doesn’t mean he has to
tell him the whole truth. “My father…Zachariah….he…” Cas broke off, taking a
deep breath before continuing. “He hurts me sometimes. Blames me for my
mother’s death and takes his anger out on me. Michael is the one who came over
to patch me up afterwards. He-he helped cover up what Zachariah was doing to
me. Yes, I know he helped me, bandaged me up and ran tests to make sure nothing
serious was wrong and gave me all the painkillers I needed, but he still hurt
me. He hurt me by not telling someone. By covering up the damage for Zachariah
so he could keep on doing it to me. I-I” Cas faltered, shame darkening his
cheeks. “I didn’t want him to touch Dean. I was so scared, I don’t even know
why. We talked, and he offered to get another doctor for Dean, but that would
be selfish of me. Despite what he’s done, he’s still the best Doctor there. And
Dean deserves the best.”
                Bobby stared at him, eyes wide in shock. “You’re saying this
Michael fellow has been covering up child abuse?” He asked incredulously. Cas
shrugged, pushing his burger around the plate. Bobby sighed, rubbing his hands
over his face. “So your dad hurts you, huh?”
                “Sometimes.” Cas evades, fixing his eyes on the table. “You
know, you don’t have to stay there.” Bobby pressed on, tone softening. “What
you said this morning, about being part of this family properly, that could
happen. If your father is abusing you, then you don’t have to stay there.
Sheriff Mills can help you. And I know for a fact that Ellen would agree with
me here in saying that we would love to foster you for as long as you like. He
doesn’t have to hurt you again.”
                “But he’s the only family I have left.” Cas looked up, tears
shining through as he met Bobby’s gaze.
                “Let me tell you something I told Dean long ago. Family don’t
end in blood, boy. But it doesn’t start there either. Family cares for you. And
from what it sounds like, your father isn’t acting like he cares for you. Now,
I’m not going to make your choice for you and go to Sheriff Mills. That should
be a choice you make. But if even for a second, it looks like you’re in real
danger, then I will do whatever it takes to get you out of there. Understand?
If Zachariah hurts you one more time, I want you to let me know.”
                “I understand.” Cas frowned, confusion swimming in his mind.
“You…gave me a lot to think about. Thank you Bobby. Would you mind if I had
some time to think this over?”
                “Of course.” Bobby huffed, sipping his coffee. “It’s a big
decision. You should think about it. Just try not to take too long. This
Zachariah seems like a real piece of work. I don’t like the idea of you staying
with him.”
                “Of course.” Cas said again automatically, standing and pushing
his forgotten food away from him. “Would I be able to get some rest now?”
                “Sure.” Bobby waved his coffee mug in the general direction of
the stairs. “You can use Dean’s bedroom. I’m sure he won’t mind.”
                “Thank you. For everything.” Cas said sincerely before heading
upstairs. More and more lately, he had been picturing what life would be like
without Zachariah. And now, Bobby’s words gave Cas the hope that maybe he could
do it. Maybe he could have that life he so longed for. Cas lied down but didn’t
sleep. He knew he wouldn’t for quite awhile. After all, he had a lot to think
about. A smile graced his face as he inhaled the scent of Deanthat was so
ingrained to the bedding. Yes, he though. He might actually be able to do this.
***** Chapter 24 *****
                Bobby had gone back to the hospital, so Ellen was the only one
there when Zachariah came to fetch his son. Zachariah hugged him awkwardly,
cooing over his son’s injuries for the benefit of Ellen before packing him into
the car. As soon as they pulled away, the façade fell and the atmosphere
chilled. “You fucking bastard.” Zachariah growled. “What the hell did you do? I
thought you were done with that filth.”
                “I had too. They were threatening Dean.” Cas sighed, knowing
instinctively that his father would go straight to the fact that he satisfied
those boys, ignoring the beating and threats. Closing his eyes to focus on the
pounding, Cas let himself drift just a bit. It was worse now. He considering
taking the pills, but pushed them off just awhile longer. “Dean. Dean Dean.
That all I ever hear from you anymore.”
                “I like Dean.” Is all Cas replied.
                “And what the hell did you say to Michael to make him turn tail
like that?” Zachariah was all but seething now.
                “Nothing.” Cas felt anger rising, but wouldn’t give in to it.
After all, he didn’t want to provoke Zachariah further. “He decided to stop all
on his own.”
                “Oh. I’m sure he did.” Zachariah spat, speeding up. Cas finally
looked at the passing scenery, frowning. “Where are we going.”
                “I have something I want to show you, son.” Was the last thing
either of them said for the rest of the ride. They wound up in the forgotten
part of town, full of shady dealings and abandoned warehouses. Zachariah
stopped the car in front of one unparticular warehouse. It looked just like the
others, nothing to make it stand out. Apparently Zachariah came here often to
have this one memorized from the rest. “Follow me and keep your goddamn mouth
shut.” Zachariah snapped as he climbed out.
                “Yes sir.” Cas replied wearily, following his father. There was
a large lock on the door, which required not only a key but a combination to
open it. It was dark inside and stank of sewage and mold. Cas wrinkled his nose
as his father flipped on a light to reveal a short hallway leading to the main
storage facility. Empty offices stood behind closed doors that lined the
confided space. Zachariah paid them no heed, strolling purposefully towards the
metal door at the end. There was another lock there similar to the one on the
outside. It required a different key and a shorter combo than the other one.
The awful stench grew worse, piss and shit and sweat and blood assailing his
nose along with the other pleasant scents. Zachariah stopped just inside, not
yet turning on the light.
                “You’ve been getting worse of late, son.”
                “Apologies, father.” Cas couldn’t help his sarcastic and
slightly bitter reply. Zachariah cuffed him sharply, sending his head into
bright stabs of renewed drumming. Gasping, Cas swayed slightly before standing
tall once more. Zachariah continued in the same dead, yet angry tone. It was
cold and distant, sending chills through Cas. “Now, I have a feeling some of
your new friendsmight have given you some doubts about us. Maybe, starting
whispers in that pretty little head of yours to leave me in your rearview
mirror. Now, while you might think that’s all good and well, a sweet little
escape, I just want to let you know how wrong you are. How very, very wrong.
Because I have friends, lots and lots of friends, and I have already let them
know that if anything should happen to me, then this will be your fate.”
                With that, Zachariah flipped on the light. It flickered slowly
to life, illuminating the large space. Cas couldn’t help but gasp. The whole
place was full of crates and large, metal containers and cages. Inside were
countless men, women, children. There was no discrimination with age or race.
There had to be at least a hundred, maybe more. They were filthy and clearly
malnourished. Indescribable pain and fear and hopelessness filled the faces of
each and every one. Cas knew a little about human trafficking from the news,
but it never seemed real until now. And it was horrible.
                “I called ahead and told the guards to take a smoke break. Once
you’re in, there’s no escape. All these people aren’t really people anymore,
Castiel. They are nothing. Some will become slaves, others soldiers, even the
children. Yet others will become sex slaves, nothing more but pets to be kept
locked away out of sight until whoever bought them decides they want a good,
rough fuck. Now you, my son, are barely above them, but above them you are.
See, I still fuck you when I want. Still beat you when I want. Still whore you
out when I want. But I still give you a life outside that. I still allow you to
go to school, and have friends, even a boyfriend, and one day when I’ve had
enough of you, you will have a chance for life outside my home. You have a
future with me. A chance to serve your time, pay your debt to me and God, and
then move on. There? You have no future. None whatsoever. Now, you can be a
good little son, and go home with me. Do what I say. Everything goes back to
the way it was, and these past few months will be forgotten. Or you can
continue to fight, and end up all alone a long way from everything and everyone
you know except for pain.Your choice, Castiel.” Zachariah clapped a hand on his
shoulder, gripping tightly.
                With every word, Cas felt a sharp stab inside of him, poisoning
the hope that had been blooming in his chest. There was no escape, there never
was. With a shock, Cas realized he was crying. Looking at all the innocent
people, abducted and shipped so far away from home and loved ones. And he knew
it would only get worse from here. Some would be killed, some raped, and some
beaten, but all would suffer. Cas may be broken now, but if they shoved him in
one of those cages, if they starved him and shipped him away, he would be
utterly destroyed. Most importantly, he would never see Dean again. And that
could never happen. As much as he wanted a normal life, and now as much as he
wanted to help all these people, he knew he wouldn’t. He couldn’t risk it.
                “Son? I’m waiting.”
                “I’ll stay.” Cas said quietly, shaking slightly.
                “What was that?” Zachariah couldn’t help but smirk.
                “I said I’ll stay. I’ll do whatever you want.”
                “Good boy.” Zachariah smiled wickedly as he turned his son to
face him and pushed him to his knees. “Now, I think you know what comes next.”
                “Yes father.” Cas replied, letting the darkness consume him as
he unzipped Zachariah’s pants and opened his mouth. Those painkillers would
come in handy later on after all.
*                             *                             *
                Dean was able to stand, so long as he had some support. Still,
it was a step in the right direction. He grinned at Sam even as his legs
trembled and ached. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Sam grinned back,
clapping his brother gently on the un-harmed shoulder. “Great job, Dean!”
                “I agree.” Michael smiled, scratching notes onto his sheet.
Dean’s grin widened even as he sank back onto the bed. Michael scribbled a few
more notes before handing Dean a sheet of paper filled with exercises. “Now.”
Michael said firmly. “I want you to do this every day until you show more
improvement. We will adjust your rehabilitation as you progress to accommodate
your improving state. I want you to push yourself, but know your limits and
just let me know if we go too far too fast. That could end up hurting you more
in the long run, so don’t hesitate to speak up.”
                “Will do, doc!” Dean skimmed over the paper, mentally mapping
out his schedule and how fast he thought he would be able to get through it. A
knock of the door broke Dean out of his reverie. He looked up, expecting Ellen
or Bobby, but was met with Cas’ tired gaze instead. The blue-eyed angel smiled
at him, but it was all wrong. The light that once lit up his eyes was gone. It
was like he was dead inside, and Dean felt a shiver go through him that had
nothing to do with the temperature of the room.
                “Cas-“
                “Michael.” Cas interrupted Dean, turning to face the doctor.
“May I speak with you in private?”
                “Of course, Castiel.” Michael plastered on a smile that Dean
saw through in an instant. He didn’t miss the slight limp as Cas followed him
out either.
                “Dean?” Sam asked when his brother continued to stare at the
empty doorway.
                “Something’s wrong Sammy.” Dean frowned hard before turning to
his brother. “Like, really, really wrong. I think Cas needs our help.”
                “I know.” Sam said quietly. “I heard Bobby talking to Ellen in
the kitchen last night. Apperently, Cas told him that Zachariah was hurting
him, just like we thought. But he wants to give Cas a chance to come forward on
his own. Still, if it gets worse he said they would come forward for him. In a
few weeks, if there’s no change, Ellen said she was going to step forward
herself. They don’t trust Zachariah. I don’t either.”
                “Same here.” Dean growled, hitting his good hand against the
mattress a few times. “Dammit Cas. Why won’t you just leave the bastard! Why
won’t you let us help you!”
                “I think he’s embarrassed.” Sam said quietly, meeting his
brother’s gaze. “He’s freaked enough about word getting out about, uh, well you
know.” Sam couldn’t help but blush at that. “I don’t think he wants everyone to
know that his father beats him too.”
                “Yeah.” Dean sighed, remembering how he hid his own father’s
abuse from the world as well. Still, life was so much better now. He wished
that Cas could see it to.
                “He’ll be fine, Dean. I give Ellen two, maybe three weeks max.
And then Cas is out of there for good.”
                “I hope so.” Dean muttered, looking back to the doorway and
wishing he could just know what the hell Cas was talking to Michael about. More
importantly, he wanted to know what happened to that spark of life that had
disappeared from Cas’ eyes. It was like when they first met, worsethan when
they first met. And he wanted nothing more than to find a way to bring light to
that perfect blue gaze once again.
***** Chapter 25 *****
                Cas stripped wordlessly once they reached the office, ignoring
Michael’s protests and sharp gasps of shock. Bruises and shallow gashes adorned
his torso. His ass cheeks were an abused wasteland of pale skin stained with
mottled deep blues and purples and blacks. His crack and hole were red and
swollen, dried tracks of blood running down his upper thighs. Wrists red and
raw also sported dried blood, stuck to the heavily bandaged forearms. Turning
to face him, Cas watched wordlessly as Michael’s face contorted into a pained
expression. Nipples raw and chafed from the clamps Zachariah insisted on using,
inverted cross still oozing blood from where Zachariah had carved it again into
his skin with a knife, stomach and ribs almost hidden behind the giant bruise
that had formed there. His thighs were scraped and bruised as well, but what
was nothing short of a tragedy was his cock. Zachariah had heated the blade
before he used it, so while there was minimal blood loss, the skin all around
was red and blistered. Killer. Killer. Killer.
                “Zachariah refused to get me treatment. It seems no other
doctor in the area was of your…previous persuasion.” Castiel spoke
emotionlessly, tone as dead as his eyes. “Will you help me? I can’t pay, but I
can do other things. Like before. It will be good I promise. Zachariah isn’t
making me do this, it’s just me. Please. Help me.”
                “Castiel.” Michael choked, stepping a bit closer before
faltering. He couldn’t meet his gaze. Despite his best intentions, his cock was
already half-hard. Castiel smirked, but it was cold and so unlike anything
Michael had seen on his face before. This was Castiel truly broken, with no
hope and no will left behind. He was empty.
                Angrily, Michael turned slightly to adjust himself. It seemed
his body had not forgotten what usually came next. “No Castiel. I told you I
was done with that. Of course I’ll help you, but there’s no need for you to-“
                “To what, Doctor?” Castiel practically purred, something wild
and fevered shining in his eyes as he stalked closer. “Suck you. Blow you.
Pleasure you.” Castiel stood right in front of him now, mouth right next to
Michael’s ear. “Fellate you.” He breathed, making sure to exhale hard enough
for Michael to feel the goosebumbs rising.
                “Jesus Christ.” Michael choked, stumbling back. “What the hell
happened to you?”
                Cas chuckled darkly, throwing his arms wide to gesture towards
everything in general. “Life.”He continued to grin, a feral showing of teeth
and gums. Michael shivered, realizing that he had just as much a part as all
the other’s did in turning that sweet, innocent boy of his memory into…into
this.
                “What happen, Castiel. What did he do to you?”
                Cas shrugged, picking at his bandages. “The usual. Beat me.
Fucked me. Beat be some more. This though-“ he held up his arms, smiling almost
fondly at the bandages there. “This was all my work.”
                “Jesus.” Michael whispered, horror churning his gut. Castiel
wasn’t done though. That spark of insanity was back, shining brightly through
dead blue eyes. “He showed me the error of my ways. My misjudgment and
misplaced hope. He destroyed my faith!” A manic laugh burst forth before he
continued. “Yeah, I thought my life was bad. I thought I could leave Father.
But there’s worse out there. And that life of nothing could be mine for the
low, low price of selling out my Father!” He was giggling again, spinning
widely as he ignored the scabs reopening. “I could be a real sex-slave! I could
be a child soldier. I could be a no-faced nobody somewhere far, far away. But
Father wants me. I have a place here. I just needed to be reminded of it!”
                “Castiel.” Michael called soothingly, trying to bring Castiel
back down from his worked up state. He didn’t like this. Didn’t like it one
bit. “What are you saying?”
                “I’m saying Father is a well-connected businessman of
rather…shadier dealings. And if he goes down, I’ll be shipped off before anyone
knows it! They’ll never find me again!” He was chuckling again uncontrollably.
A chuckle that quickly morphed to sobs. “They’ll never find me! Dean will never
find me!” He choked before collapsing to the ground. Michael was there almost
instantly, hands fluttering uselessly in their search for unharmed skin to
caress and sooth. He settled for cradling the boys head to his chest, stroking
calming fingers through the dark locks there.
                “I’m sorry, Castiel. I’m so sorry.”
                “You-you can’t tell anyone!” Castiel gasped. “Even if it’s not
me who tells, it won’t matter. They’ll take me. They’ll still find me and send
me away to sell me. I don’t want to be sent away. Please Michael, I-I don’t
want-“
                “Shhh. It’s okay. It’s okay Castiel. No one is going to take
you.”
                “It hurts.” He whimpered.
                “What hurts?” Michael pulled back to look the boy in the eyes.
Face so young, but eyes so old. The spark was gone once more, it was almost
like a film of nothingnesssettled over them. “Everything.” Castiel breathed,
wincing he shook more and more. That set Michael off into doctor mode. They
didn’t talk much. It was clear Castiel was done talking, he reacted to commands
to move this way and that, but beyond basic reaction there was nothing. Michael
would have bet his entire savings that Castiel wasn’t really awake for this. He
had noticed this blankness a few times before, here and there throughout the
years. He may not be a psychiatrist, but even so he knew it could be nothing
good. He felt his heart ache even more when he realized that this was no doubt
the signs of the formation of some sort of mental illness. Even if he did move
on from this life, to a better one free of abuse, he would never fully recover
from what had been done to him. What Michael had helped do to him.
                “All done.” Michael sad softly after finishing tape up the last
bandage, tapping the boy gently on the shoulder. He looked like the beginning
of a mummy, bandages covering almost all the skin that could be easily covered
by cloths. Despite the savage ferocity of the injuries, Zachariah had clearly
kept enough control to not only avoid visible injury, but his precious tattooed
wings as well. Castiel slowly blinked back into focus, looking around in
confusion for a second before the realization that he had been cleaned up and
treated sank in. He stood numbly, movement fluid thanks to the generous helping
of pain killers Michael had administered. Clothed once more and looking for all
the world to see a normal teenage boy, Cas thanked Michael sincerely despite
the obvious lack of warmth in his gaze.
                “Anytime, Castiel.” Michael said before opening the door. “Do
you want to speak with Dean?”
                “No.” Castiel sighed, dragging his feet to a stop. “Would you
mind telling him I feel ill?”
                “Of course, Castiel. Stay safe.”
                Castiel nodded, not bothering to verbalize a reply before
shuffling off. Michael watched him go sadly before returning to his previous
patient, Dean.
                Zachariah was still waiting for him in the car. “Well?” He
questioned as soon as Cas slipped into the passenger seat. “Was our dear
friend...persuaded?”
                “No.” Cas deadpanned. “He treated me at no cost. Refused my
advances. I apologize, Father.” Cas hung his head.
                “No worries, son!” Zachariah replied brightly. “Free care for
no service? Sounds like a deal to me. Besides, I have someone lined up for you
in an hour. Nothing too strenuous, just enough to add a little fluff to my
pocket money, or should I say pesos.” He chuckled while Cas continued to sit
silently. “You’ll like Mexico, son. I’m just getting some things finalized
before we move. Shouldn’t take more than a month! Oh, but don’t worry, we’ll
still visit your precious boy-toy a few times a year. So no second thoughts
there.”
                “Of course not Father.” Castiel closed his eyes, leaning back.
“May I rest now? I’m fairly tired.”
                “Go right ahead. I’ll wake you when we get back to the house.”
There was no response, but the even breathing was enough indication to let
Zachariah know his son was fast asleep. Zachariah chuckled again, exhilarated.
He should have done this sooner, really. Things had gone back to just like
before. Better even, in his opinion. There would be no more trouble. And if
there was, well, it wasn’t like he would be sticking around to explain any
sudden disappearances of his dearly beloved son to the authorities. Yes, the
future was looking quite bright for one Zachariah Novak. Quite bright indeed.
***** Chapter 26 *****
                Dean was checking out. He could walk on his own now, granted he
wouldn’t be running anywhere soon. But still, progress was progress. His body
still ached, but the pain meds kept that to a minimum. He wished Cas could be
here. He hadn’t seen him since that day that Cas pulled Michael aside. All the
texts he sent only got the same reply.
I’m sorry Dean. I can’t come see you right now. Yes, I’m doing fine. I just
have a lot I need to think about right now.
                Which, yeah he supposed that made sense. After all, from what
he heard about what Bobby said, it would no doubt be a lot to take in. He could
only hope Cas would make the right choice before it was made for him. It was
just Bobby, Ellen, and Sam here to take him home. Being Christmas Eve, Charlie,
Jo, and Benny were home attending to last-minute decorating and cooking. Dean
grinned. This would be his and Sam’s first real Christmas he could remember.
Christmas’s in motels just didn’t quite cut it. He wished that Cas could spend
the day with them as well. He would be over in about an hour, but his father
was picking him up at 9 PM. That only gave them a few hours together, seeing as
it was already afternoon.
                “Ready to go home?” Sam asked as they signed the last of the
paperwork before leaving the hospital. Dean would be back for a checkup every
few days, just to make sure he was continueing to heal and recover. But for
now, all Dean could think was freedom! “Am I ready? Is that even a question,
Sammy?”
                “Shut up.” Sam grinned.
                “Bitch.”
                “Jerk.”
                “Language.” Ellen admonished good-naturedly. Dean just laughed
and shrugged in apology. He was happy, and nothing could damper his mood today.
Well, nothing except the memory of those dead eyes. Dean still got chills
thinking about them. There was nothing right about it, and Dean knew he would
do everything in his power to fix whatever had broken inside his angel. Still,
less than an hour until he saw him again in what felt like forever. Grinning
stupidly, Dean followed his family out to the truck, and beyond there, home.
                The living room was a chaotic mess of Christmas cheer. Plates
full of freshly baked cookies scattered around the tables and the cider from
the kitchen mixed to create what could only be a heavenly aroma. The tree was
decorated, well, over-decorated but no one was complaining. Presents piled high
underneath it, and they even cleaned out the fire place to get a healthy,
cheery fire going. It was perfect.
                “Dean!” Charlie squealed, throwing herself in what had to be
the gentlest hug she had ever given. “God, we were so worried about you. Glad
your home!”
                “I’m glad to be home. Good to see you, Charlie.” Dean chuckled
before moving on to give Jo a hug as well. They had visited in the hospital,
but as visitors were limited, Sam had been the one with him most of the time.
                “Welcome home!” Jo grinned, squeezing him as tight as she
dared.
                “Good to have you back, brother.” Benny smiled, clapping him on
the shoulder. Dean basked in the warmth of his loved ones. All except one. Jo
must have noticed his gaze wandering, because she leaned in and whispered
conspiratorially, “Cas is on his way. I called him right before you got here.
Should only be a few more minutes.”
                “Awesome.” Dean’s smiled widened, snagging the closest cookie
he could reach. Groaning, Dean savored the chocolaty goodness. Hospital food
wasn’t anywhere near up to par as far as Dean was concerned. And since it was
the holidays, Dean felt no guilt whatsoever in snagging another two. Charlie
chuckled and Dean grinned brightly through the crumbs. Yeah, they had a shitty
past week. But everything was looking up now. Everything would be good.
                “Wow.” Dean breathed, finally focusing on the pile of presents.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen that much at once in my life.”
                “Oh, that reminds me!” Jo ran to her backpack which still
resided where she left it by the door at the beginning of the break. “I found
this when I cleaned out your locker. Secret admire maybe?” Jo teased, flashing
what looked like a textbook snuggly wrapped in the cheesiest Christmas paper
Dean had ever seen. “Great.” He groaned. “Probably a teacher’s cruel joke at
getting me my homework.”
                Jo sniggered, handing it over. “Want to open it now?”
                “Nah.” Dean smiled, setting it with the rest of the gifts.
“I’ll open it tomorrow.”
                The chiming of the doorbell attracted everyone’s attention.
“I’ll get it!” Dean called, hobbling over as fast as he could to the door. Cas
stood there, Zachariah’s car already fading from view in the background. Cas
held a bouquet of roses and box of chocolates, but Dean already felt his smile
fade. Cas wouldn’t look up yet, but Dean could tell that nothing had changed.
He was still dead inside.
                “Cas.” Dean breathed, reaching out with trembling fingers to
lift the boy’s chin. The second their eyes met, Dean felt warmth bloom inside
him. There was a spark, just a spark of what he remembered in those perfect,
blue eyes. “Dean.” Cas smiled, truly smiled, awkwardly shifted as he stood at
the doorstep. “I missed you.”
                “You too.” Dean replied softly, leaning in to press a chaste,
though long, kiss too those velvet lips. It was heaven. “Come in.” Dean blushed
as he pulled back, stepping aside to make room for Cas.
                “Thank you. These are for you.” Cas looked down again out of
embarrassment as he passed over the roses and chocolates. Dean had a smart
remark ready, but chose instead to kiss his love again. After all, Dean could
tell how fragile Cas was right now. Things may be better, but were still so far
from right and he didn’t want to hurt the angel any more. Cas still fidgeted,
pulling out a small box wrapped in simple red with a green bow to hand over.
“This too.”
                Dean set the flowers and candy down to accept the gift. “I have
something for you too.” He grinned, gesturing for the boy to follow him. It
didn’t take long for Dean to find where Sam had placed the gift under the tree.
Meanwhile, the others were welcoming Cas and hurrying to dig up their presents
for him as well. “You didn’t have too.” Cas blushed, eying the large pile of
presents all designated To Cas.
                “Didn’t have to?!? No way, man. You’re family, of course we had
to!” Charlie all but beamed, squeezing out one more hug with Cas. Dean already
knew what the presents were, having helped pick out or wrap most of them more
than a week ago. Sam, Bobby, and Ellen all pitched in to get him an ipod (which
just so happened to be identical to the one from Ellen which Dean would open in
the morning) that Dean helped pick out music for. Jo got him blue boxing gloves
for when they sparred (also identical to the ones she got for Dean), Charlie
got him a variety of fantasy and sci-fi novels including The Hobbit, The Lord
of the Rings Trilogy, some of her favorite Star Wars, Harry Potter, and many
others. Dean had given him the sketch book full of pictures he drew of Cas,
sometimes alone and sometimes with friends. He also got him copies of all the
movies they had seen together that Cas expressed interest in. He knew how Cas
would light up opening them all, he only wished he could be there to see it.
                “Do you want me to open them now?” Cas asked, head doing that
adorable tilt he was in the habit of. Dean almost jumped to say yes. Almost.
But tradition was tradition. “Nah, you can open them tomorrow. Now c’mon, let’s
get some cider and watch a Christmas movie!” And get cider they did. Everyone
settled into the couch save Bobby and Ellen who were busy preparing their
Christmas Eve meal, and together they watched ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’.
               Dean pulled Cas in close, and together they clung to the one
person who had come to mean everything to them. “I’m so sorry.” Cas whispered,
burrowing his head into Dean’s neck. “I don’t blame you.” Dean reassured,
rubbing his back soothingly. “I do.” Cas barely even said it, but Dean still
head. He heard all the pain behind it, and had no idea what to do to help his
broken angel. So he kissed the dark locks and held on tighter. “I love you.”
Dean said, not even having to think about it. Because he had no doubts, and it
just felt right.
                “I love you so, so much.” Cas continued, silent tears falling.
“Promise me you’ll always be happy, no matter what. Even if I’m not here,
promise me you’ll move on.”
                “I can’t promise that. But it doesn’t matter, because you’re
not going anywhere. Hey, look at me.”Dean pulled his chin up so they could make
eye contact. The spark he saw earlier was almost gone. He wanted to fight it,
wanted to make Cas tell him what was really wrong so he could help. But it was
Christmas Eve and they were together. Dean wouldn’t destroy their moment, not
now. Instead, he kissed him as sweet and lovingly as he could. Cas curled his
hands into Dean’s shirt and pulled him even closer. They didn’t watch the movie
after all, instead using the time to explore each other’s mouths. It was so
right but so wrong at the same time. For some reason, Dean couldn’t shake the
feeling that this was Cas saying goodbye. But he refused to believe that,
refused to believe that Cas would ever leave him. Dean wouldn’t let him.
                Dinner was awkward. Everyone was trying so hard to be happy,
cheerful. But that dark elephant lurked over them all. All too soon the night
was over and Zachariah was at the door. Bobby gave him the evil eye the whole
time, but Zachariah continued to plaster on that sickly grin and fake cheer.
“Time to go, son.”
                And with one last kiss, Cas was walking away from him, led by
his father’s firm hand on his back. It had to be the most beautiful kiss they
had ever shared, and Dean couldn’t ignore it any more. Somehow, this was
goodbye. That spark was gone, dead as soon as their lips parted. And for the
life of him, Dean had no idea what to do. Cas handed him one last present, an
envelope he had addressed to everyone. “Open it tomorrow.” Cas mumbled,
dropping his hand as he turned to leave. Dean watched him go, wishing he could
make him stay. He didn’t know how. So he waved goodbye and stumbled to his room
with the taste of Cas lingering in his mouth. He tossed and turned all night,
but sleep didn’t come. Those eyes stayed with him until he finally slipped
under, where they continued to haunt his dreams. He woke with a start, eyes raw
from crying. But he did what he always did, and told himself over and over that
it was alright. That everything would be alright. He told himself this until he
almost believed it, and only then did he get ready for a day of what was
supposed to be full of happiness and love with the family he cherished. With
everyone he loved, save one blue-eyed angel. But it would be alright. It had to
be alright. Because Dean couldn’t face a life without Cas. Not now. Not now
that he knew what he had to lose.
***** Chapter 27 *****
Chapter Notes
     ***See end of chapter notes****VERY IMPORTANT*****
See the end of the chapter for more notes
                Cas followed his father to the car. He didn’t even have to ask
to know where they were going. The cabin. All their belongings had been packed
and shipped ahead. Cas wasn’t sure when they would leave, but he knew it would
be soon. Cas cried the whole time Zachariah pounded into him. Because he knew
this was it. This was goodbye to the life he knew, and hello to a life that he
never wanted. But Zachariah wouldn’t let him mellow in his grief for long. So
he strapped him to the table and went to work on his son. He cut and burned and
beat him everywhere, no longer caring to hide the abuse. And Cas continued to
cry and scream for whole different reasons.
                “That’s it. That’s a good whore.” Zachariah leered, finishing
his work on Cas’ cock. He saved that for last. One final reminder of who Cas
was. He washed the blood off after, not bothering to dress his wounds before
taking him back to bed where he once again tied Cas down. He was spread and
pulled tight, only able to move his head side to side. A gag choked off his
sobs, tasting foul against his tongue. And once more, Zachariah was pounding
into him. Afterwards, the only thing Cas could think was why.He only realized
he was mumbling when Zachariah asked, “What was that?”
                The gag was removed and Cas was finally able to speak. “Why?
Why Father? Why do you hate me so much?” He asked, eyes swollen and shining
from the beating and the tears that had flowed almost nonstop all night. “Why
do you hurt me?”
                Zachariah smirked. “I’ve told you why many, many times. But I
might have…left out a few facts. Would you like to know the whole story,
Castiel?”
                He could only nod, unable to speak any more. So Zachariah
continued, gleeful hate shining through. “You know how I loved your mother.
Loved all of you. But then she died, died to save you. I was hurt, grieving,
but I could live with that. Until I read her will. Turns out, she had been a
bit of a whore. You see, she had an affair, only a short lived thing but then 9
months later, out you popped. She even had a DNA test to confirm that you were
hisbastard. She didn’t want to give up the family she had, so instead she cut
off all ties with him and continued to raise you with me. Making me think you
were mine. After I found out, I tried to find him. But he was long gone, killed
in a car crash. So I was left with you, the reminder that my whore wife cheated
on me and her whore offspring stole her life. But I still kept you, because
despite your father you still had your mother’s eyes. Every time I look at you,
I remember her love. And every time I look at you, I remember the hurt of that
betrayal. That’s why, Castiel. That’s why I hate you. That’s why I hurt you.”
Zachariah kissed him violently, biting hard enough to draw blood. Cas could
only whimper, unable to get away. “And that’s why I can never let you go. You
are mine, Castiel. Mine!” And then the fists were there, pounding into bruised
flesh. The crack of ribs breaking reverberated in Castiel’s ears. The crack of
himbreaking echoing over and over and over. He didn’t even notice when the
beating stopped. Didn’t notice Zachariah leave the room.
                A soft, warm cloth brought him back. Zachariah was cleaning him
up, but there was nothing loving or remorseful about it. It was then Cas knew
what he had to do. After all this time, all the years of abuse. It took him
awhile to get here, but that was the last straw. Zachariah was not his family
in any sense of the word, and now he was tearing him away from the only family
he had known for some time. So he had to do it. Even if it meant giving up his
life, he had to do it. “I’m done.”
                “What was that?” Zachariah cooed, swiping his hair back.
                “I’m done.” Cas repeated. “I’m not going to Mexico with you.
You can sell me, kill me, whatever. But I’m done being your plaything. Your
punching bag. I’m just done.”
                Zachariah frowned, dropping the cloth. “You’re sure?”
                “I’m sure.”
                Zachariah seethed. “Fine.” He spat. “Your done? Well then, I’m
done too. Done caring for your ungrateful ass. You can rot here, broken and
bloody until you starve. Then we’ll see how done you are.” Then, with one last
punch to his face, Zachariah was gone. Cas heard the distant sound of the car
starting up and driving away as his newly broken nose throbbed and gushed
blood. He was still bound, still bleeding and still hurting, but he was free.
And that made all the difference in the world.
                “Dean…” he couldn’t help but moan, sobbing openly. He was
stripped bare and spread wide, both physically and emotionally. He wanted to
hope, to trust in Dean to find him and save him. But with a sinking heart he
remembered the envelope. The one where he told them that Zachariah was taking
him away, moving to a different country. How he was too much of a coward to say
goodbye in person. How he loved them all and would always remember them. That
letter of farewell that he spent hours agonizing over, trying to make it
perfect for the ones he loved. That letter which now doomed him, because it
meant that they wouldn’t go looking for him. Because his absence would be
missed and mourned, but wouldn’t be suspicious in the slightest. With a sinking
feeling and spike of panic, Cas realized he would die here.
                That, coupled with a painful spike of pain from his protesting
ribs, sent his stomach churning and vomit gushing violently from him. He did
his best to turn his head, but by then it was too late. Cas heaved for what
felt like hours until there was nothing left but dry gasping and the agonizing
clench of his empty stomach. His mouth was bitter and foul, nostrils full of
the stench of his own half-dissolved Christmas Eve dinner. It coated his chin
and cheeks, uncomfortably wet around his head. It coated his shoulders and
chest, the slimy substance running down his stomach and plastered to his upper
arms with an uncomfortable itch flaring to life where it tangled in his armpit
hair. It burned the open cuts on his flesh, seeping into the exposed flesh. And
there wasn’t a single thing Cas could do about it. He wanted to cry, felt the
pang of agonizing hopelessness and pity in every cell of his being. But there
was nothing left he could give. So he let that unsettling resignation settle
over him in a blanket of numbness. Time passed on, flying by outside his bubble
of detached indifference until, exhausted, sleep dragged him heavily into the
pool of darkness. His last thought was how desperately he missed Dean, and how
desperately he wished to never wake.
*                             *                             *
                Zachariah fumed the entire way to the airport. By the time he
actually reached the flight line, he had marginally cooled down. Well, enough
to make important business ventures. He boarded the private flight and accepted
the bourbon offered him. Sipping on his drink, he pulled out his phone while
waiting for the flight to take off. Pulling up a number he thought he would
never call again, Zachariah hit the call button.
                “Hello, Alastair? Yes it’s me. I have a little business venture
I think you might be interested in. Yes, it involves your favorite blue-eyed
whore. No, I’m not suggesting anything of the sort. One night with him is much
too small, you really must think bigger. Yes, I’m talking permanently. I’m
about to fly now, but as soon as I land I will e-mail you the sum I expect.
Once I have confirmation of the wire transfer, I will send you his location. He
may be a bit worse for wear, but that never bothered you. Think we could come
to some agreement? Great, I’ll be in touch.” Zachariah ended the call with a
smile on his face. He may not be able to control the boy anymore, may not be
able to keep him, but now he could really get something for him. And something
was always better than nothing. Zachariah frowned briefly, remembering his
children, his true children rotting away from his grasp. But he would be fine.
After all, he could always send for Anna, and boys weren’t hard to come by in
his line of work. Yes, Zachariah sighed contently as he sipped his bourbon.
Life was really shining for Zachariah Novak. Castiel, on the other hand.
Well…Castiel was dead to him. And as far as Zachariah was concerned, dead he
would stay.
*                             *                             *
                Cas woke suddenly, jerked up as far as the binding allowed
before sinking back with a moan. The vomit dried and crusted, itching
uncontrollably. The smell sent him into a few minutes of dry-heaving before his
tired and protesting body could offer no more. He shivered violently, sweating
as fever settled in. The disgustingly sweet smell of infection starting to
settle in was faintly there underneath the stench of his own sick. Already he
felt too hot, even as the world around his chilled his heated skin. But more
than anything, he felt to tug of his bladder begging for release.
                “No, no, no.” He groaned over and over. This felt wrong and
humiliating, even though no one was there to witness his plight. His face
burned red, dry sobs racking his frame. He didn’t like this, didn’t want this.
“Please!” He called to the empty room, not quite sure what he was begging for
but begging all the same. Determined, he fought back the urge for as long as
possible, moaning his pleas and spewing profanities the entire time. It wasn’t
fair. It just WASN’T FAIR. “Why?” He screamed, arching off the bed in his
frustration. He continued to wail, a choked sort of growl that encompassed all
his pain and anger and shame and a whole swirl of emotions that clogged his
throat. When he finally could hold it no longer, Cas screamed louder that he
ever had. The warm liquid flowed freely, soaking the sheets even as it covered
his groin and thighs. His cock ached more than he thought possible, and the pee
stung the open flesh that had yet to scab over.
                Once his bladder was empty, Cas started shaking even more than
before. He knew he was sick, knew he was starving and dehydrated and feverish.
Before he knew it, hysterical laughter started bubbling and continued in
uncontrollable fits as he watch the lights from the sunbeams dance before his
eyes. He was dying, he was hurting and alone and dying.But still he laughed,
giggling until the tears were back and he was sobbing. If he had a razor, if he
wasn’t bound, he knew he would end it right there. But then a thought struck
him. He could end it. There was a way.
                Fever sparkled his eyes as his mouth twisted into a mirthless
grin. Sticking his tongue out as far as he could, Cas bit down. Hard. Blood
spurted into his mouth, coating his lips and dripping warm down his chin.
Pulling his mangled, aching tongue back into his mouth, he closed his lips as
tightly as he could. After all, he should have drowned that day so, so long
ago. Now he was setting things right. Now he would drown in his own blood. He
focused on the feeling of his mouth filling, ignoring the thought of green eyes
and a crooked smile. The blood still seeped through his lips, searching for
escape. So Cas settled in to wait, wait for the blood to find its way down his
throat, to clog his airway and fill his lungs. So Cas waited patiently to die.
Chapter End Notes
     So I know this is an even bigger cliffhanger than before and for that
     I apologize profusely!!! Spoiler: Cas isn't going to die, I promise.
     But, unfortunately, I will be unable to update for the next 3 months.
     Due to work, for that time I will be without access to internet.
     However, I will keep writing. I hope to have, not only this story
     finished, but its sequel as well. I want to thank everyone who made
     it this far with me (with no lack of patience) and thank you also for
     the plethora of comments that keep trickling in. It means quite a lot
     to me, and I can never thank you enough or articulate how much I
     appreciate it. If you don't like waiting, then you can take this as a
     very sad ending and move on with your life. However, for those who
     wish to stick around for the remainder and a part 2, I will see you
     all in 3 months!!! Cheers!!!
***** Chapter 28 *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello one and all! Sorry for the long delay, however, the story has
     now been completed! Thank you all for your patience and hope you
     enjoy the resolution of this wild ride!
“Open mine first, Dean!” Charlie bounced in her seat, handing him his wrapped
gift. Dean smiled and accepted it, every one looking on happily in
anticipation. This was all new for Dean and Sam, a real Christmas with a real
family. But even with the delicious Christmas breakfast, the candy and cookies
and Cocoa scattered around, the presents and the company of loved ones, it
still wasn’t perfect. Dean felt a frown tug at his lips before he could stop
it. “What’s wrong?” Charlie asked. “You haven’t even opened it yet!”
                “I don’t think it’s your present.” Sam snickered. “I think Dean
misses his, what did I hear you call him? Oh, that’s right, your angel.”
                “Shut up.” Dean blushed. “At least I’m not bugging you about
Jess right now.” And there it was, Sam’s cue to turn crimson as well.
                “Sam, stop making fun of your brother. Dean, you too.” Ellen
chided before softening. “Besides, I’m sure you and Cas will be able to spend
the day together tomorrow.”
                “I hope so.” Dean muttered, feeling marginally less
enthusiastic about the gift now. A feeling that, thankfully, didn’t last. “Is
this what I think it is?”
                “Sure is!” Charlie beamed. “I remember how interested you tried
to pretend not to be when I went larping last time. Now, as queen of Moondoor,
I am in need of a knight by my side. Hope you like it, I pulled a few strings
and was able to, through the cousin of a girlfriend of a friend, have one of
the costume designers for Lord of the Rings make that for you. It should fit, I
got your measurements when you were sleeping.”
                “Awesome.” Dean beamed, holding up the costume for inspection.
And awesome it was. Dean beamed and kept glancing at the outfit as the gifts
continued to be exchanged around the circle before it came back to him. “Here.”
Jo handed him his gift. Boxing gloves, matching the ones he helped her pick out
for Cas. “So you two can match the next time you hit the gym.”
                “I love it!” Dean smiled, already picturing their next boxing
session. Cas had really improved, even if he didn’t believe it himself Dean
could see it. He could also see the way Cas’ cloths clung to his sweat covered,
lean body, showing off his perfect ass cheeks with his flushed face and damp
hair… “It’s great.” Dean coughed, trying to banish the picture before an
awkward erection could make its appearance. Around again then back to Dean.
Bobby got him new upholstery he promised to help Dean install for the Impala.
Ellen got him a new iPod, that Sam informed him he and Cas had already picked
out the music for, uploading all of his favorites. Next after that was his gift
from Sam. Always the practical one, he got him two new pairs of jeans and 3 new
flannels. One was maroon, because Cas said it went well with his hair, the
other green, because Cas said it matched his eyes, and the last one blue,
because Sam said it would match Cas’ eyes. Dean blushed again, but still hugged
his brother tight. It was really starting to feel perfect, despite the nagging
feeling of longing in the back of his mind.
                Unable to put it off any longer, Dean turned to the presents
from Cas. He opened the box to reveal a beautiful obsidian ring, smoothed and
polished to a dark gleam. Dean started at it dumbly, reverently touching the
small piece of jewelry. A ring. Cas had gotten him a ring. He heard small gasps
and ooo’s from the girls as he pulled it out of the box. Sam and Bobby sat
there dumbly as well.
                “Oh my god, that’s beautiful!” Charlie gushed, leaning in for
closer inspection. Dean passed it around for everyone to get a good look at
before slipping it on. Of course, it fit perfectly. Smiling, Dean looked back
into the box to find a note. Clearing his throat, he read it aloud. “Dean. With
this ring, I promise to always love you. No matter where life brings us, I am
yours. Always. Love, Cas.”
                “And to think all you gave him was your sketchbook full of only
about a hundred pictures you drew of him and every movie that you watched
together. You two really aren’t romantic at all, are you.” Jo snorted.
                “Shut up, it’s cute.” Charlie cut in.
                “Yeah, it’s adorable, isn’t it.” Sam couldn’t help but add.
                “Shut up, bitch.” Dean tried for tough, but couldn’t manage to
suppress the wide grin adorning his beaming face.
                “Jerk.” Sam smiled as well.
                Dean pulled out the letter next. “Cas said this was for
everyone and he wanted me to read it now. So, uh, here goes I guess.” He
shrugged, opening the envelope even as he still stared at the way the light
caught his new ring. It sat there on the only finger it felt right on, his left
ring finger. He knew it wasn’t a proposal or anything, but it still made his
heart shine with warmth all the same. Fuck PDA, if Cas was here now Dean would
be giving his entire family a free, slightly-pornographic show right now.
                “Dear Family,
Because, well, that’s what you are. My family. Maybe not by blood, but a good
friend and mentor recently made me realize that that’s not all that family is.
And you are mine, and I love you all. Especially you, Dean. You may be my first
boyfriend, my first relationship. But you are so much more than that. You are
my everything, my always and forever. You saved me from depression, you pulled
me back from the darkness. You stood up to my abusers at school, and suffered
because of my actions with no blame or malice towards me for that. You stayed
by my side and helped me when I was hurting. You are my one light in this
world, Dean. And with that light, you helped more and more shine through the
veil. Because of you, I have a brother in Sam. Sisters in Charlie and Jo.
Parents to step in when I need someone to turn to. You gave me friends and
family, and most importantly, you gave me your love. I can never thank you
enough for that. Never.
                Now, I’m sure you have all heard about the talk Bobby and I
had. You all suspected my father abused me. That is true, I’m afraid. Bobby
gave me courage and insight, urging me to tell the authorities and leave the
abuse in my past. I have thought it over, just as I said I would.
Unfortunately, I am unable to do so. It’s with a heavy heart that I have to
share this news with you. Zachariah is moving to Mexico, and I am going with
him. I would like to live with you, in fact I want nothing more. But I can’t
leave my Father. He is still my family in his own right, and it is my duty as
his son to stay by his side. You have to understand, I don’t want to leave. I
am happy here, with all of you. But I can’t shirk my duties any longer. I will
probably already be on a flight by the time you read this. And because I am a
coward and selfish, I couldn’t tell you in person. I would never have had the
strength to leave if you begged me to stay, Dean. And I’m selfish because I
wanted our last night together to be happy. I want to remember you like that.
Zachariah has promised that we can visit a few times a year, and after high
school if you will still have me then I will come back and be with you again in
person. Know that I love you all, and always will. I’m sorry, everyone. Dean,
please believe me when I say that I am so, so sorry. Love,
                                                                                                                                               
Castiel”
                A silence hung over the room. Dean just stared at the letter,
the words still sinking in. Cas was leaving. No, Cas was already gone! The
paper shook in his hands and tears started to form, but still Dean fought what
the letter said.
                “Dammit!” Bobby muttered. “I should have called Jody the second
he told me.”
                “You did what you thought was right at the time.” Ellen tried
to sooth him, but her worried expression said just how bad this really was.
                “But, why would he leave?” Sam asked, wide eyes gaping around
the group.
                “His dad was hurting him.” Charlie said sadly. “He probably
forced him to go.”    
                “I don’t think that’s helping.” Ellen sushed Charlie before
turning to Dean. “Dean, are you alright?”
                His hands were really shaking now and he couldn’t even read the
note anymore through the blur of tears falling freely. But the message was
still there, repeated over and over in a mocking litany in his brain. Cas was
gone. Cas was really gone.
                “No.” Dean choked out, looking up hopefully at his family. “No,
no Cas wouldn’t leave. He wouldn’t do this to me. He loves me! He said so,
look! He gave me a ring! He wouldn’t give me a ring and then leave!”
                “Dean-“ Jo cut in.
                “No!” Dean yelled as he stood, paper falling to the floor. “No,
this is all a joke. It has to be! He wouldn’t-“ Sobs choked him off, wracking
through him. Everyone looked at each other with sad, worried eyes. But none of
them could help him. None of them could bring Cas back.
                “It’s a just a joke. A cruel, cruel…” Dean trailed off, eyes
scanning the room frantically. What for, he had no idea. But then, they landed
on the final present in the pile, the only one left, the one that had been
planted in his locker.
                “This must be from him!” Dean all but leapt across the room,
tearing away the wrapping in a frenzy. “Cas must have given this to explain, it
has to just be a joke. A bad, bad…” His words died as soon as his flipped the
manila folder open. Sitting there, right on top, was a picture Dean never in
his life would have imagined seeing. Never would have wantedto see. Because it
was the worst possible thing he could imagine, and it was his love who was
suffering in it.
                Cas was on his back, ropes binding his upper and forearms to
his sides so his hands flopped uselessly while his ankles were bound to the
bedposts, pulling him open wide. Scars of varying age, size, and color adorned
what could be seen of his naked flesh. There were bruises there as well, along
with blood trailing from where the ropes cut too tight into his soft skin. Then
there was Zachariah, poised above him as he was clearly in the act of fucking
his son into the mattress. But what truly broke Dean’s heart was the expression
on Cas’ face. It was full of pain and shame warring with a mask of
indifference. A mask just like the one of nothingness that Dean remembered so
well. Like the one of hopelessness that went far deeper than that.
                “Dean?” Jo asked tentatively. Dean didn’t hear her.
                “Dean, you alright?” Ellen tried. Still, Dean could hear
nothing through the ringing in his ears.
                “Dean, what is it?” Sam asked, reaching for the portfolio. Too
late, Dean snapped back to reality. “No!” Dean shrieked, lunging for the
pictures already in Sam’s grasp, only to send them spiraling to the ground. He
saw flashes of pictures, spotlighting Cas in what seemed like every position
enduring every pain and humiliation imaginable. Dean launched himself onto the
pictures, trying frantically to cover them all. “No, you can’t see! No one can
see. You can’t see him like that! It’s wrong! It’s all….Why? Why!” Dean was
sobbing hysterically now, trying his best to pull all the pictures in.
                “Upstairs!” Ellen commanded, the first to react as she sent Jo,
Charlie, and Sam away. Bobby was already on the phone, calling up Sheriff Jody
Mills, Christmas morning be damned. There was a boy in trouble out there.
                “Dean, honey.” Ellen tried to sooth him, gently urging him to
stand up.
                “No!” Dean cried. “No, you-you-you can’t see!” He hiccupped,
still scrambling to pull the pictures in.
                “Dean, honey.” Ellen repeated, rubbing his back. “Those
pictures are evidence. If we want to help Cas, you’re going to have to let us
have those.”
                “Why?” Dean pulled back a bit, steadily avoiding looking at the
images. “Why would he do that to him?”
                “I don’t know what to tell you. There are some sick people out
there.”
                “But why Cas?” Dean was yelling again. “He doesn’t deserve
that! Why him?”
                “I don’t know what to tell you, honey.”
                And that was the breaking point for Dean. He lifted himself off
the pictures and crawled into Ellen’s waiting arms. She held him tightly,
rubbing his back and calming him down like only a mother could.
                “Why didn’t he tell me?” Dean finally asked, his sobs
manageable as he was all strung out by this point.
                “I’m sorry, but I think only he could answer that for you.”
                “Sheriff’s on her way.” Bobby came back in, eyes darting to the
pictures before fixing themselves to the far wall.
                “I think I’m going to be sick.” Dean muttered, already pulling
away in search of a toilet. Christmas music still played in the background,
presents were strewn across the room and the sweet aroma of the holidays still
filled the air. But Christmas was the last thing on everyone’s mind, and would
be for quite some time.
***** Chapter 29 *****
Cas looked out the window of the tree house. The lake where he and his siblings
used to play in when they were younger glistened in the distance. The same lake
where Dean and their friends played in what seemed like so long ago. The forest
crossed the expanse to the horizon, the houses of civilization far behind his
current position. Emerald greens of millions of leaves swayed and swirled in
the breeze until it settled into the all too familiar beautiful gaze of his
beloved.
                “Hey, angel.” Dean grinned, flashing his perfect grin.
                “Hello, Dean.” Cas couldn’t help but smile in response. It was
just like all those happy afternoons the two have spent alone in the tree
house. What had been nothing more than a refuge, a harbor for memories of what
was lost, had come to mean so much more. It had come to mean happiness, because
it had come to mean that he would be there with Dean.
                Constellations of freckles glistened in the sunlight against an
expanse of perfect tan skin as Dean leaned closer. Cas closed his eyes but
could still imagine exactly what Dean must look like as soft lips brushed
against his own. They kissed as chastely as they always started, like Dean was
afraid of scaring him away, of pushing too far. But, just like every time, it
wasn’t long before lips parted and hot breaths mingled in a soft pant. Tongues
danced their way together, in time to music only they could know as they
swirled and licked and explored the territory both familiar and completely
foreign over and over. Warm hands both calloused and soft at once cradled his
face as Dean angled their position to plunge his tongue in deeper.
                Cas was pulling at Dean’s green flannel, his favorite of Dean’s
shirts, as they pushed and pulled ever closer. Cas was riding a variety of
emotions and endorphins, flying high on the feelings of Dean. Of his taste, his
smell, his touch, his everything. Before Cas knew it, Dean’s hands had snaked
down to his waist before rising again, brushing his bare abdomen as they lifted
his shirt with it.
                “Wait.” Cas broke their kiss and did his best not to shoot
back, that all too familiar swell of panic rising inside.
                “It’s okay.” Dean smiled, resting his forehead against Cas’.
“Trust me.” And with that the shirt was pulled ever higher, rising and rising
until it was over his head and being pulled from his arms. The air was cool yet
comfortable against his naked flesh. Cas kept his eyes firmly shut before the
expression of horror and disdain he knew he would find on the face he loved so
much.
                “Hey.” Dean cooed, kissing him again lightly. “It’s okay. Open
your eyes, love.”
                Cas met Dean’s kind gaze, holding on to the warmth and love he
found there. “You’re beautiful.” Dean smiled, eyes raking down the exposed
flesh. Cas followed his gaze, gaping in awe at the unblemished expanse of pale
skin pulled tight over taut muscle. Cas reverently ran his hands down his own
smooth flesh, thumbs catching on his nipples as he explored himself for what
seemed like the first time. Dean smirked as he pulled his own shirt off,
catching Cas’ hands to hold tight as he kissed him again. Pushing forward, Dean
all but straddled him as Cas fell softly to the worn floorboards. They kissed
for what felt like hours like that, hands tangled together just beside Cas’
head.
                “I love you.” Cas said when Dean pulled back. He only smiled in
response, focused instead on running his hands over the new territory in front
of him.
                “Dean.” Cas breathed, arching his back into the touch. He
reached out his own hand, only shaking slightly in anticipation of the warm,
soft flesh waiting for him. The second he touched that firm chest of the man he
loved is when everything went wrong. A bruise blossomed on the skin beneath his
fingertips, spreading rapidly. Cas jerked his hand back as if shocked, eyes
wide in horror as the discoloration spread and spread. Cuts formed and blood
bubbled forth, spewing hot and sticky onto the terrified boy below. “Dean!” Cas
screamed, reaching forward to stop the flow. It only got worse.
                “Hey.” Dean smiled, blood seeping through his teeth and
dripping down his chin. “It’s alright. I don’t blame you, Cas.”
                “Dean!” Cas sobbed, hands scrambling uselessly across the
ruined flesh that even now swiftly disintegrated to his touch.
                “Dean, Dean, Dean.” And suddenly, Zachariah was there just
beyond Dean’s shoulder. “That’s all I ever hear you talk about now.”
                “No.” Cas breathed, horror hitching in his throat.
                “Hey.” Dean smiled, sending more blood spilling in a dripping
stream onto Cas’ face. “It’s alright. Trust me.”
                “You ruin everything, Castiel. Everything you touch, you
destroy. You kill.” Zachariah sneered, stalking forward.
                “No.” Cas cried, wishing he could close his eyes and end this
horror. “Please.”
                “You really did a number on him, didn’t you son?” Zachariah
chuckled, eyes like a shark raking over Dean. His perfect skin was ruined,
covered in bruises and wounds and that vile crimson coating what should be
whole and intact flesh. “Didn’t mean to do that, did you?”
                “No.” Cas whispered.
                “Didn’t mean to kill your mother either, did you?”
                “No, no, no, no.” Cas babbled, unable to focus beyond the
horror as he prayed for it all to end. For the nightmare to cease and be wiped
completely from memory.
                “He took you from me. Turned you from me.” Zachariah was
running his hand down Dean’s back, sending a shudder through the boy that felt
like a punch in the gut to Cas.
                “Don’t touch him!” Cas shrieked, struggling to stop Zachariah.
It was useless however, with Dean keeping him pinned to the floor. Their
position, first bringing joy and lust and love turned bitter and vile with
terror and rage.
                “He should be punished. Just like I punish you. Or rather,
punished. Punished you again and again, over and over until you took that away
from me too.” Zachariah leered, hands going to his belt.
                “No.” Cas gasped, frozen in place.
                “It’s okay. I don’t blame you.” There it was again, that smile
that was so wrong. Those words, once reassuring only bringing horrified pangs
of guilt and pain. Hands tore at Dean’s pants, leaving them in a pile around
his knees. Zachariah position himself behind Dean and began pounding in
earnest. Dean’s face was right above Cas, moving with every jerk of Zachariah’s
hips even as his expression remained unchanged.
                “No!” Cas howled, struggling to free himself, to leave or fight
or just curl up and die, he wasn’t sure which.
                “You ruined him, Castiel.”
                Thrust.
                “I don’t blame you.”
                Thrust.
                “You ruin everything you touch.”
                Thrust.
                “It’s not your fault.”
                Thrust.
                “You should be punished.”
                Thrust.
                “Trust me.”
                Thrust.
                “You left me, Castiel.”
                Thrust.
                “It’s alright.”
                Thrust.
                “You took her from me.”
                Thrust.
                “I love you.”
                “No!” Cas screamed, bolting up as far as his bindings allowed
before jerking back to the mattress. The dream was gone, replaced with the dim
light of a setting sun and the stench of his own sickness and blood. The air
was cold in the room, heater clearly long since shut down. He shivered, fevered
skin itching and burning everywhere. His stomached ached with want to be
filled, and his throat rasped like sandpaper with every breath. But still, Cas
could not deny that he preferred this shit of a reality to the nightmare he had
just escaped. He may be dying, may be hurting and alone, but at least he knew
Dean was safe. “Dean.” He whimpered, shoving the vile memory of the nightmare
as far down as he could.
                He had no idea how long he had been there, but he knew it would
not be much longer. His tongue ached from where he attempted to bite it off, to
end it all, but that wasn’t the cause of the blood he was coughing up now. No,
that was from somewhere else, and where ever it came from couldn’t mean
anything good. “Mom.” Cas rasped, the word as mangled as his tongue. It had
been years since he talked to her, a habit that quickly died thanks to
Zachariah’s abuse. But it was time now. Cas was ready.
“When I was little, you told me that angels were watching over me. Well, if
they are then I know you are too. Because you were the perfect mother, and I
don’t doubt for a second that you are with the angels now. So, if you can hear
this, then I want you to know something. I just want you to know how sorry I
am. You gave up your life for me, and while I’m thankful, you shouldn’t have.
You really shouldn’t have. You should have let me drown.” Cas drew in a heavy,
shaky breath before continuing. “It should be you who lived that day. It should
be you here, living your life happy and with your family. Because, if it was me
that died then Zachariah would have never snapped. Gabriel and Anna would still
be here, and you would all be a family. A family that was ruined because of
me.”
                More coughing and more blood before Cas plunged on. “I don’t
think I have long left, mom. And I’m scared. I’m scared because I miss you so,
so much. But I don’t think I’ll see you again. I’m scared that I really am
going to go to hell, just like Zachariah always said. I just want to let you
know before I die how truly sorry I am, and how much I love you. Just-“ dry
sobs choked him off for a second before he continued. “I just love you, mom.
And I’m sorry I turned out to be such a shit son. I-“ He took a breath before
finishing. “I’m sorry. Goodbye, mom.”
                The light dimmed even more as the sun fully set. Already, Cas
felt his eyelids dragging down, room spinning before his drowsy, fever-bright
eyes. “You too, Dean.” He whispered. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Goodbye,
Dean.”
***** Chapter 30 *****
Dean was still in the bathroom, dry heaving for all he was worth when Sheriff
Jody Mills arrived. Bobby hadn’t told her what was going on, why she needed to
haul ass over on Christmas morning, just that it was bad. The second they
showed her the pictures, Jody was on her phone calling in the entire Lawerence,
Kansas sheriff and police force. Within an hour, the pictures had been taken to
the station and one by one, the whole family was interviewed. They went to the
Novak residence to find it empty save for a handful of boxes left waiting for a
move that would never happen. By evening, the boxes had been searched and filed
and stored away as more and more evidence was found. Jody didn’t want to tell
Dean what evidence had been uncovered, but he demanded until she reluctantly
relented. There were more pictures, pictures that continued to humiliate Cas.
They found videos, videos of him with more than just his father. At least 30
different men so far with many more tapes to go through. All of them taking
from Cas what they should never have. And then Dean was back to service with
the porcelain god, offering up the water and snacks that Ellen had forced down
his throat. And then the sobs were back, racking and relentless in their
intensity.
                Zachariah was gone, but Cas never left with him. Half the
station was working on tracking down Zachariah, while the other half focused on
finding Castiel. Day one, come and gone, and Cas was still nowhere to be found.
Day two lead to more evidence, more sobs and regurgitated meals, and no Cas.
They had managed to find Zachariah, laid over in Texas due to bad weather.
Pulling a few favors, Jody had the locals arrest him before he could leave the
country and even now they were escorting him back to Kansas. A handful of the
men from the videos had been identified and brought in. Michael had turned
himself in that morning. But still, Cas was gone.
                Day three of restless nights and broken hearts brought Dean
spiraling lower than he ever remembered. He was losing hope. Losing hope of
ever seeing Cas again. Of ever holding him in his arms, kissing him, or waking
up to find him fast asleep and tucked by his side. He missed Cas. Only now, he
was beginning to realize that he might always miss Cas. That they would never
find him, or it would be too late by the time they did. And Dean would still be
here, living the rest of his life with only half a heart and a guilt and grief
soaked soul until Death came to claim the ghost of what had once been Dean.
                “You okay?” Ellen asked, drawing Dean to the present. He had
been sitting in bed for hours, just staring lifelessly at the wall before him.
His eyes were red-rimmed and surrounded with dark, tired bags. He was paler and
starting to slim down thanks to his heaving stomach. Everyone was worried,
worried for both him and Cas. But he couldn’t bring himself to care. He
was…sad. Yeah, that was it. Sad, but not like a normal sad. This was an all-
encompassing, black hole of absolute shit sort of sad. And tired. He was
exhausted really.
                “I miss him.” Dean finally croaked after a few minutes of Ellen
patiently waiting. “I-I’m worried about him. I don’t know what to do without
him.”
                “They’ll find him honey.” Ellen smiled sadly, striding over to
pull Dean into a hug. “They’ll find him and bring him home to us. It’ll be
alright.”
                “Any news?”Dean sniffed as he pulled away, trying somehow to be
useful. To get his mind back in the game. To help Cas.
                “They have Zachariah at the station now. They’re interrogating
him, but he’s not talking. They-“ Ellen hesitated, clearly debating whether or
not she should tell Dean.
                “They what?” Dean asked tonelessly, too wrung out to summon the
strength for proper emotions.
                “They found a few e-mails. It appears that he was trying to
sell Castiel.”
                “So he’s okay then?” Dean perked up, head snapping and back
straightening with hope even as rage rose at the thought of anyone selling
hisCas like nothing more than just a possession. Selling his love like anything
less than the beautiful, living, human being he was. “He’s still alive?”
                “Yes honey. Zachariah said he’s still alive. He’s…well he’s
injured. But he’s alive.”
                “Then why isn’t the bastard telling them where he is?” Dean
fumed, already rising from the bed.
                “He and his lawyer are trying to work a plea bargain. A deal
for a lessoned sentence in exchange for information.”
                “I don’t care!” Dean yelled, pacing the room in agitation. “Cas
is out there all alone! I should be with him. I need to find him. I-“
                “Dean, honey. Sit down. There’s something else.”
                “Great. More wonderful news.” Dean snapped, collapsing onto the
bed again.
                “From what they’ve found, this is much bigger than just
Castiel. Zachariah was part of a very extensive human trafficking operation.
It’s not just Castiel they’re looking for now. There could be dozens or even
hundreds of others hidden away. Not just that, but identities and locations of
those Zachariah was working with. For that information, Zachariah wants witness
protection. Given the circumstances with Castiel however, well you can
understand why they are reluctant to give that to him.”
                “Great.” Dean moaned, scrubbing his eyes. “It just gets worse
and worse.”
                “It’ll get better. Just get some rest.”
                “I can’t sleep. Not while I know Cas is still out there
somewhere. I need to find him.”
                “You will honey. You will.”
*                             *                             *
                Crowley stood outside the doors to the police station. He
watched the bustle of activity, of cops running in and out, fending off the
reporters that got a whiff of a story while still trying to do their job.
Crowley, of course, knew exactly what the police knew and who they were looking
for. The story may still be kept under wraps for the most part, but Crowley did
have his connections.
                Taking one last drag of the cigarette that he may or may not be
old enough to legally smoke, he snuffed the butt out on the sidewalk before
purposefully walking up the steps and through the door. It was chaos inside,
but he was able to maneuver the crowd until he reached the receptionist.
                “Can I help you?” The frazzled officer asked, staring pointedly
at the young face before her.
                “Actually, I’m here to help you. See, I know that you are
looking for information about Castiel Novak. I have no idea where he is, but I
do know someone who might. You see, Bela Talbot is the one who took all those
pictures that sparked this investigation. She’s known about the abuse for over
a month now and kept that information from everyone, including myself. If
anyone knows where he is, she might. At the very least, I imagine she could
point you in the right direction. Then again, maybe she’s just as clueless as
the rest of us. Either way, I personally think she should be reprimanded in
some way for keeping this information from the police for so long. If she came
forward straight away, then there wouldn’t be a missing boy on your hands.”
                “Bela Talbot, you say.” The officer, now fully attentive and
wide-eyed wrote down the name.
                “Yes, officer.” Crowley smiled, flashing the most innocent and
charming expression he could muster.
                “And you are?” She continued.
                “Fergus Crowley. I prefer to go by Crowley.”
                “Well then Crowley, would you mind coming with me to make an
official statement?”
                “Of course, officer.” Crowley smiled again, following the small
group of officers that had gathered further into the station. Bela betrayed
Crowley when she lied to him, when she disobeyed his direct order and kept this
information from him. And no one betrays Crowley and gets away with it. Sure,
he would be raising suspicions against him as well, interest about all his
connections and webs of information. Still, while he might get a stink eye or
the softest slap of the wrist, it would be worth it to see Bela go down.
                “On another topic, I got wind of word that Bela Talbot was also
involved in a robbery that happened a few months back if I remember correctly.
Some of my friends are looking into it, any evidence they find I will send
straight your way.” Yes!Crowley beamed internally. Bela was definitely going to
suffer for her silence and betrayal.
***** Chapter 31 *****
Castiel Novak awoke much like he was usually dragged from slumber. Namely,
still restrained to a bed as his most intimate of areas was probed. It hurt
more than his body was accustomed to, so it was with a small cry that he
finally opened his eyes. Zachariah was as bare as Castiel himself, kneeling
between the young, spread legs and spearing his fingers deep into the tight
hole before him. Castiel writhed, trying to escape in vain. Tears already
threatened to spill, but were held at bay with valiant effort.
                “You’re so slick son.” Zachariah beamed, as close to pride for
his son as he got. “So wet. So tight.” He continued, spearing and scissoring
inside the boy. Looking down, Cas paused to marvel at how smooth his skin was,
vacant of so many scars he had been given over the years. He was much smaller,
so much younger. It couldn’t have been more than a year after his mother’s
death.
                “I can still feel my cum inside you.” Zachariah breathed,
rubbing incessantly. “Oh, son. You feel so good. I’m about to make you feel so
much better though.”
                “No.” Cas choked as he felt the head prodding at his entrance,
even as hands moved to the bindings at his ankles. Zachariah maneuvered him so
that both ankles and wrists were tied to the headboard, leaving Cas helplessly
bent in half.
                “Yes!” Zachariah hissed, sliding in quick and sharp. Castiel
screamed, screamed and shrieked and pleaded for it to stop.  
                “You killed her.” With a jolt, Cas stopped screaming and fixed
his horror stricken eyes to the young redhead just to his left whose voice he
would know anywhere.
                “Anna.” Castiel whimpered, staring helplessly at his younger
sister. She was just as he remembered her from so long ago, still clutching the
stuffed bear that mother bought her.
                “You killed my mom.” Anna accused, eyes cold and hard.
                “No. I-I didn’t mean-“ Cas pleaded, already feeling the heavy
tug of guilt at his stomach.
                “Yes, you did.” Came the snide interruption from his right.
Snapped his head, Cas looked on with ever increasing horror at Gabriel,
standing there all but seething disgust as he watched on. “We were having a
great time, until you came and ruined everything. It should be you in the
ground, Castiel. You should have drowned and died that day. But no, momma’s boy
just had to go and get mommy killed. And now everything is fucked, Castiel.
Everything. And it’s your fault.”
                “I’m sorry.” Castiel was crying now, sobbing and choking with
every lash of the tongue and rough thrust from Zachariah.
                “Hey there, Batman.” Came the all-too-familiar voice of a
friend from long ago.
                “Balthazar.” Cas sighed, looking up to see the boy he loved so
innocently as a child. “Not you too. Please, not you.”
                “Why not?” Balthazar smirked, playing with Castiel’s hair as he
leaned ever closer. “C’mon. Let’s play. After all, you’re an orphan now too,
just like Batman. Only, he wasn’t a whore. But still, you could never resist
me, could you.”
                “Please.” Cas pleaded, although he had no idea what for.
                “Well, since you asked so nicely.” And then there were cold
lips on his own, a slimy, freezing tongue snaking inside his mouth. Castiel
choked, gasping for air that was quickly evaporating. And then there was
blackness, frozen and wet and snaking everywhere, erasing everything. He was
drowning. Cold and alone and afraid and dying. There was nothing left, no hope
of life or love or salvation. And then there was the light. The warm touch of a
mother’s hand pulling him from the depths. Castiel gasped in the fresh air,
breathing life back into his lungs.
                “Castiel!” His mother’s worried voice called from behind him.
                “Mom!” Cas cried, shaking in her hold.
                “It’s okay, son.” She soothed. “I’ve got you.” Castiel felt her
grip shift, felt her prepare to thrust him to safety.
                “Mom, no!” Cas screamed, trying to warn her. But it was too
late. The rock quickly met Cas’ small frame as he sailed out of the water.
Grabbing onto the lifeline, Cas quickly scrambled up and turned to help his
mother out as well. But it was no use. Already, he saw the cloud of red
spreading from her head where she hit it on the rocks hidden just under the
surface.
                “Mom!” Cas shrieked, reaching helplessly into the water even as
the current carried he body further and further from his reach.
                “Mom!” Castiel screamed again, crying and straining at the
binds as he thrashed in short jerks into wakefulness. The dream was gone, but
the pain of the memories remained. The empty room seemed to taunt him, echoing
back nothing but his dry sobs. It was colder than he remembered, darker as
well. Perhaps it was evening. Or maybe his vision was starting to fade. Cas
didn’t know, nor did he care. There was nothing left for him. Nothing but pain
and his ever approaching death. Cas didn’t talk anymore, his throat burned and
his fevered mind slipped and slid away from anything approaching coherent. But
mostly, he just had nothing left to say. He had already accepted his end. All
that was left was to wait. Not much longer now,Cas thought, alone with those
four words bouncing around his head again and again in a dizzying swirl until
the room once again faded and Cas saw nothing but the light and dark and swirls
of seamless colors dancing and twisting in time with the painful churning of
his empty stomach.
                Not much longer now.And with that the sobs broke into crazed,
choked laughter as Cas smiled and watched the madness behind his eyelids. Not
much longer now.
*                             *                             *
                “Gabe, the phone is ringing!” Balthazar called from his
sprawled position on the recliner, making sure to put that upward tilt in pitch
on the last word that Gabriel always pretends to hate.
                “I’m not deaf, Sebastian.” Gabriel shot him his patented long-
suffering, sarcastic face.
                “Then answer it.” Balthazar shot back.
                “But Doctor Sexy is on!” Gabriel whined.
                “It’s your house.” Balthazar grinned, knowing he had already
won.
                “Fine.” Gabriel growled as he rose from the couch, grumbling
the whole way to the kitchen while Balthazar chuckled. Settling in, Balthazar
returned his attention to the screen. Not five minutes had passed before
Gabriel was back, face white as a sheet and eyes troubled.
                “What’s wrong?” Balthazar immediately sat up, knowing that it
wouldn’t be anything good.
                “Balthazar.” Gabriel’s voice shook.
                “Uh-oh. You never use my first name. What is it? What’s
happened?”
                “We need to go to Lawerence. Now.”
                “Why?”
                “It’s all fucked up. Fuck, why didn’t I see it? Why didn’t I
know?” Gabriel finally broke, tears spilling at an ever increasing pace.
                “Hey, hey Gabe calm down. Just tell me everything.” Balthazar
did his best to sooth his friend, rushing over to pull him to the couch so he
could sit before his shaking legs collapsed under him.
                “It’s Castiel.” Gabe choked. “He’s….H-he’s missing. He…uh, well
it was Zachariah. It’s some bad shit, Balthazar. Real, real bad shit. Zachariah
was…oh god I’m going to puke.” Gabriel shivered, nose wrinkling up as his face
paled even more.
                “Here, I’ll grab the trashcan. Just hold on.” Balthazar shot
up, running to grab their wastebasket, returning to Gabe just in time. “Fuck.
Cassie is really missing? God, I mean….just fuck!” Balthazar punched the couch
cushion, feeling not one ounce better afterwards. It had been years since he
had seen Castiel, back in elementary school when everything was simple and the
dark-haired, blue-eyed boy kissed him when they played house or batman or any
other game they came up with. But then his and Gabe’s mom died, and everything
starting sliding downhill. Cas was withdrawn, so sad and scared. Then he didn’t
want to play anymore. Then he didn’t want to do anything anymore. And then
Balthazar’s parents moved back to England, taking Balthazar with them. It
wasn’t until middle school that Balthazar returned to America, New York this
time to live with his grandparents when his parents got into some financial
trouble. A few months later, he ran into Gabriel. Gabe had already set himself
up pretty good, connections he had made and hard work earning him spots in art
galleries even though he was still in college. When Balthazar started high
school, the two of them moved in together. They were inseperatable, best of
friends almost instantly. That was two years ago, and thanks to his high GPA
and previous grades skipped, Balthazar was already a junior at only 16. The
past few months, they had gotten closer and closer until it was obvious that
there was more than friendship there. However, due to the age difference they
both agreed to wait until Balthazar was of legal age before they pursued their
possible relationship further. Since that decision, the two of them had talked
less and less about the past. About Cas. But there was no more running from it
now. No more awkward silences and halted sentences of regret. Because they both
knew that Cas was alone, that Gabriel left him alone when he fled that hateful
house and loveless father. But the past had caught up to them both, and there
was no more running to be done now.
                “Here.” Balthazar grit out, gearing himself for action as he
passed Gabriel his laptop. “Get the plane tickets. I’ll pack our bags. We
better fucking be there by morning.”
                “Balth.” Gabe whimpered, looking up helplessly. “They said he’s
been missing for almost three days now.”
                Meeting his eyes and gritting his teeth, Balthazar managed to
snap. “We get there by morning. And this time, neither of us are leaving him.”
Before fleeing to the bedroom to pack and sob and scream until maybe the guilt
and worry wouldn’t choke him anymore. Until maybe he believed that Cas was
safe. That maybe Castiel was still alive. And god, did he pray with every ounce
of his being that Cas was still alive. “Hold on, Cassie.” He whispered to the
empty room, half smiling at the memory of his pet name for his old best friend
before reality crashed down on his mind and crumpling his frame once again.
“Just hold on a little longer. We’re coming for you.”
 
 
***** Chapter 32 *****
Eighty-one hours. That’s how long it’s been since he and Cas shared their last
kiss. Eighty-one hours of god knows what happening to Cas while Dean worried
and waited uselessly. Eighty-one hours that Cas could have already been dead
for all Dean know. Eighty-one hours too long.
                “Dean.” Sam called softly from the door.
                “Go away, Sam.” Dean replied lifelessly. “I don’t care if
breakfast is ready. I’m not hungry.”
                “Dean.” Sam tried again, even gentler as he walked into the
room. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s killing you, and we both
know Cas wouldn’t want you to be like this.”
                “Yeah.” Dean huffed. “Well Cas isn’t here anymore. Stop kidding
yourself, Sam. He’s not coming back, is he.”
                “You don’t believe that.” Sam was working his concerned face at
1000%. That face which meant that Dean wasn’t getting out of whatever heart-to-
heart Sam wanted to have.
                “What else is there to believe? You’re smart. I’m sure you know
the statistics. It’s been eighty-one hours now. The chances that he’s still
alive, still okay, they’re…” Dean couldn’t finish, just closed his eyes tight
against the tears leaking out.
                “I don’t believe that, okay. I can’t believe that. We both know
Cas, we know how much shit he’s been through. Cas is strong. He’s a fighter. We
can’t give up hope until we find him.”
                “Think what you want, Sam.” Dean sighed. “But hope is bullshit.
All it does is make the pain worse in the end.”
                “You know what, Dean.” Sam cracked, irritation leaking through.
“That’s bullshit. You can’t waste away like this. It’s a shitty thing that
you’re doing not only to yourself, but to all of us. And not just here in this
house. Cas too. If you were out there, lost and alone, he would tear apart this
world to find you. To save you. And here you are, willowing away in your own
pity. It’s fucked up, Dean. Cas deserves better.”
                “I know.” Dean admitted after a few moments of silence. “But I
don’t know what to do.”
                “You find him.” Sam continued, convinced. “You remember him,
you remember every happy moment and every shit moment you ever had with him.
You relive it all, and look for any hint that might take you to him.”
                Dean thought for a moment. Thought about Cas, about everything
about him. He did remember, he could never forget those blissful moments with
his angel. Smiling, Dean remembered when Cas first showed him the tree house.
He remembered every afternoon spent there. “I know where we have to go, Sam.”
                “Great.” Sam smiled. “I’ll grab breakfast.”
                “It’s six in the morning.” Dean fumbled to joke. “Can’t believe
people eat this early. Awesome!” Dean really tried to come off like his old
self, but it just sounded hollow. Sam smiled sadly before heading for the
kitchen. “We’ll find him, Dean. We will.”
                “I hope so.” Dean sighed to the empty room before getting
dressed. The drive was uneventful, Dean felt jittery and tired at the same
time. Sam wasn’t the same either, and Dean could tell how worried he was as
well. Passing Cas’ house, Dean felt a queasy turn of his stomach. Those
pictures would forever be burned into his brain, and with every new disgusting
and hateful deed that Dean learned had been done to Cas…well his imagination
could do the rest.
                “Here we go.” Dean gritted his teeth as the car came to a stop.
On the way to the tree house, Dean couldn’t stand the silence any longer. So he
told Sam everything Cas had told him. Even after they made their way up the
ladder and sat in the suddenly cold and cramped tree house, Dean continued on.
Recounted everything they had ever done here, leaving out the graphic details
out of respect for his brother’s virgin ears.
                “It’s so different, now.” Dean sighed, running out of road down
memory lane. “It’s like Cas brought all the warmth here with him. Now it’s
just, well, it’s just an old, drafty tree house.”
                “I’m sorry.” Sam nudged Dean’s leg, driving home how much he
really cared for him.
                “Thanks.” Dean smiled sadly. “I don’t know what I would do
without you, Sammy.”
                “No chick flick moments.” Sam smiled back.
                “I mean it. You know I don’t like talking about stuff like this
a lot. But…I missed a lot of things with Cas, you know? Things that I never
said because I always thought I could tell him tomorrow. You helped me through
a lot. With mom, even though you were so little. You made me, I don’t know, you
made me happy. Useful. You were my brother and it was my duty to keep you safe.
After dad, you were still there for me. And now, here you are dragging my ass
out of bed to look for Cas.”
                “I care about him too, Dean. Cas is family. Trust me, Dean.
We’ll get your boyfriend back.”
                “Yeah.” Dean smiled. “I really hope we do. I need him, Sammy.”
                “I know.” Sam huffed, standing to look around. “Hey.” Sam
called. “Is this the trunk you said Cas kept the journal in?”
                “Yeah.” Dean stood as well, walking over to run his fingers
over the worn trunk.
                “We need to get in!” Sam clearly perked up. “Maybe there’s more
information in there. We know he went to a cabin with Zachariah, right? But the
police haven’t found any record of him owning a cabin. I just remembered,
something Cas said awhile back. He talked about the possibility of moving,
something to do with gambling? I don’t know. Anyways, he said he would leave
where to find him in the journal, addresses and stuff like that. Think it’s
still in there?”
                Now it was Dean’s turn to perk up. “Cas told you he was leaving
and you didn’t tell me? No-never mind that, we’ll talk later. But addresses?
You just might be right.” Dean instantly went to picking the lock. Usually, he
would feel bad about reading Cas’ journal. But with all the shit that had come
up and with Cas’ life on the line, Dean couldn’t give any less of a shit.
                “Here it is!” Dean held it up triumphantly before sobering up.
“You know, this was actually his mom’s. She died before she got a chance to use
it.”
                “I’m sorry.” Sam shuffled awkwardly, unsure of what to say.
                “Don’t apologize to me, Sammy.” Dean sighed. “It’s Cas who got
stuck with the shit end of the straw.” Dean took a few deep breaths, steadying
himself before plunging in. “Alright. Let’s see if Cas left us anything.”
                Dean flipped through the journal, growing paler and paler with
every page he skimmed. “Shit.” Dean cursed, taking a break from the horror told
in those pages.
                “What is it?” Sam asked, forehead wrinkled in concern.
                “Do you know when that bastard hit him for the first time?
Right after his mom’s funeral! Who the fuck does that to a kid who just lost
his mom? That’s…that’s not even the worst.” Dean choked a bit, torn between
anger and the sick feeling of the knowledge of everything that was done to his
angel. “It was only a month later when he raped him, Sam. Cas was seven.
Fucking seven years old. He was only eight when Zachariah started making him
do…it.”Dean couldn’t help but spit out that word with as much venom as
possible. “Eight years old and that fucking bastard was selling him to whatever
pedophile would take him for the night.”
                “Shit.” Sam breathed.
                “Yeah, fucking shit!” Dean was yelling now, fury burning out of
control. “And his fucking uncle found out too. Not even a full year later. Cas
was nine years old, and what does his no-good, fucking shithole uncle do? He
wants a turn with his nephew in exchange for his silence. That’s…that’s half
his life that Cas has been raped and abused and beaten and tortured and…” Dean
couldn’t continue, tears flowing and gut full of churning anger and pain and
sorrow for all the pain his beloved had gone through. “So many people, hurting
him. Raping him. And not one of them told anyone. Stopped it. He was a child,
Sam. And those sick fucks…” Dean trailed off, halting that train of thought.
“No wonder he didn’t tell us.” Dean said after his tears had slowed. “He
probably doesn’t remember anything else.”
                “He had good memories too, Dean.” Sam tried to comfort.
                “Yeah.” Dean scoffed. “Like what.”
                “You.” Sam continued, waiting patiently for Dean to look up
before continuing. “He was always so happy around you, Dean. You…it was like
you were the whole world for him, Dean. I’ve never seen someone love so wholly
and fiercely. It, well, it was beautiful.”
                “Yeah.” Dean smiled. “He was.” The two sat in silence for a few
moments before Dean felt a chill go through him as realization settled in.
“Sam.” He looked up, eyes full of sadness and pain. “When did we start talking
about Cas in the past tense. Like he’s really gone for good.”
                Sam set his jaw, eyes full of determination. “He’s not. Here,
let’s go back to the car. You drive, I read. He said the addresses would be in
here. Let’s see if we can find them or anything else helpful.”
                “Alright.” Dean wiped his eyes and stood, heading back to the
Impala. He instantly drove towards the nearest area that could possibly hold
cabins. Even if they had to go cabin to cabin, Dean would be damned if he left
one corner of the area unsearched. He was finally doing something to find Cas,
and he wouldn’t stop until Cas was found. Sam read, eyes full of compassion for
his friend and rage at those who wronged him. Page after page, Sam flipped
through with ever-increasing vehemence, desperate for a lead.
                “Dean!” Sam exclaimed after what felt like hours. “I think I
found it!”
                “What!” Dean jerked his eyes over before turning his attention
back to the road. “What did you find?”
                “An address. Here, Cas wrote, ‘Most people don’t know what hell
is. I know. It’s where father takes me to truly punish me for my sins. It may
not be fire and brimstone, but 1171 Forest Road is as close to hell as it gets.
We did it, Dean!”
                “My phone is in the glove compartment. Call Jody, let her know
what we found.” Dean gripped the wheel tight. Hope. He really had hope again.
                “Dammit.” Sam grunted, holding the phone high. “No signal.
Dean, we need to turn around.”
                “No fucking way.” Dean growled. “Grab the map, Sam. We turn
back that could be another hour or more that Cas is stuck there. No, we call on
the way back.”
                “Okay.” Sam fumbled for the map, quickly scanning to pick out
their position and find the fastest route to the cabin. Dean floored it,
bleeding every ounce of speed out of his baby as he could. “Hold on, Cas. We’re
coming.”
                Ten minutes of tense silence and muttered directions brought
them to a gravel turn-off in the middle of nowhere. A mile into the forest
brought them to a small clearing housing the most hateful cabin Dean thought he
had ever seen. Dean killed the engine and tumbled out of the car in one fluid
motion. Sam was quick to follow.
                “Cas!” Dean yelled, pounding on the front door. “Cas, are you
there?” No answer. “Cas!” Dean was near hysterical, beating on the door with
everything he had.
                “Maybe we were wrong, Dean?” Sam tried after a few minutes of
nothing but silence as a reply.
                “No, no I need to get in there.” Dean instantly went to pick
the lock.
                “Dean, stop! If we are wrong then this is breaking and
entering!”
                “I don’t care, Sammy! It’s Cas!” Dean fought the tears as much
as he could, but his emotions were all over the place at this point, and the
past few days felt like they had drained every ounce of sanity and control from
him.
                “Okay.” Sam held up his hands in surrender. “At least make sure
first.”
                “Windows.” Dean lit up, for once thankful of his upbringing.
“You go right, I’ll take the left side. Check every window, we’ll meet up in
back.”
                “Got it.” Sam nodded once before the brothers went their
separate ways. There really wasn’t much in the way of windows, and most were
blocked off by curtains. Dean caught a glimpse of a kitchen and a whole lot of
fabric and really nothing else. He was just starting to get hysterical again
when he saw him.
                “Cas.” Dean breathed, instantly frozen with his heart thrumming
painfully away. There Cas lay, strapped to a bed and fully exposed. Blood and
Dean didn’t want to know what else coated him. There were bruises and cuts
everywhere, along with the puffy sickening yellow of infection. Dean saw the
scars, saw the burns and lacerations. Thin slivers of bone poked through the
wasteland of red flesh on the left leg, the other bruised and skin cracked and
broken from the knee down. Cas’ face was puffy and purpled, both eyes swollen
nearly shut with a large gash on his forehead coupled with smaller scraps on
his cheeks and chin. Both his shoulders were jutting out awkwardly. Dean would
bet everything he had that Cas dislocated them at some point as he struggled to
free himself. It was so much worse than everything Dean had imagined. “Cas!”
Dean cried louder before turning to sprint back for the door. “Sam, get over
here. Cas is in there. Sam, hurry!” Dean screamed, not even bothering with the
lock before he kicked down the door. Sam was right behind him, shoulders tense
and face creased with worry. “He’s hurt real bad. See if you can grab some
blankets.”
                “On it.” Sam quickly grabbed every blanket and comforter he
could find. Dean bee lined it towards the room at the back. There Cas was, just
as Dean had seen him from the window. It was so much worse in here, so much
more real.The stench was over-powering, air cold and stagnant. Cas was bound to
the bed, limbs spread and flesh bare save the blood and sick dried all over
him. His eyes were closed, chest barely heaving in breath. He was much paler
than Dean had ever seen him before, flesh sunken in and bones showing freely
beneath his skin. The air was ripe with sickness and vomit and piss. Flies had
already started swarming the bed, and if not for that subtle rise of breath
Dean would swear that they had gotten there too late.
                “Cas.” Dean cried, no longer caring. Taking out his knife, Dean
cut his angel free. Despite the chill, Cas burned fever-hot in his grasp. “Cas,
wake up.” Dean pleaded, lightly shaking his friend. Nothing. “Cas, please open
your eyes. Please. I’m here, Cas. It’s all going to be alright now.”
                “Dean.” Sam stumbled into the room, arms full of blankets
before freezing at the sight in front of him. There was no denying the look of
complete horror on his face as he took in the scene. Coughing, Sam played it
off with a quick, “It stinks in here.” Before helping his brother wrap Castiel
tightly in a cocoon of blankets.
                “I’m going to kill him.” Dean seethed, picking Cas up once they
were done to carry him back to the car. Sam didn’t have to ask to know who Dean
was talking about. “I’ll help.” Is all he said, but the fire behind his eyes
spoke volumes. Sam drove, Dean cradling Cas in the backseat. It would be at
least half an hour before they got signal again, and another twenty minutes to
the hospital. Dean thanked whoever was up there that he came out with a full
tank.
                The ride was quiet, Dean muttering everything and nothing to
the boy in his arms, constantly touching and holding and just reveling in the
fact that Cas was here and alive. The life was barely there, but he was still
alive.
                “Yes, signal!” Dean smiled as the bar appeared on his phone,
instantly dialing the sheriff. He quickly explained everything, giving her
their location. Within ten minutes, they had a police escort taking them to the
hospital.
                “Almost there, Cas. Just hang on a little longer.” Dean brushed
the greasy locks away from the pale forehead. He still couldn’t get over the
blood, dried and clumped and seemingly everywhere. Dean had absentmindedly
picked bits of vomit away from Cas’ dried and chapped lips, not sure what more
he could do. He knew Cas needed water badly, but there was nothing in the car.
They would have to wait for the hospital.
                “Five more minutes.” Sam called from the front seat, eyes glued
to the road.
                “Just five more minutes.” Dean repeated, continuing to gently
caress his love’s face, avoiding the injuries as best he could. His skin was
just so hot, like he was burning up from the inside out. Pulling one eyelid
back, Dean was met with nothing but glazed white. Cas began trembling, the
first movement Dean had seen.
                “It’s okay.” Dean cooed. “Not much longer now.” Pulling Cas in
close, Dean held him tight as trembling quickly turned into spasms.
                “Hurry, Sam!” Dean called, worry creeping back in.
                “I’m going as fast as I can!” Sam shot back. “Just a few more
blocks. Two more minutes top.”
                “Cas. Cas it’s okay!” Dean held the shaking figure, no idea
what else to do. The spasms continued, increasing in trembling violence until
they just stopped. Dean felt the hot exhale by his ear, frozen in shock as he
waited for the inhale that never came.
                Panic rising, Dean instantly sat back and searched the face of
the one he had come to love so much. “Cas?!?” Dean whispered, hand hovered over
the still lips in search of breath. Nothing. Plunging his hand into the
blankets, Dean felt Cas’ neck for a pulse. Nothing. Wrist. Nothing. His skin
still felt scorching hot, but all signs of life were gone. Cas was gone.
                “No. No!” Dean screamed, scrambling to hold on to Cas. “No, no
you can’t do this. Breath, Cas. Breath!”
                “He’s not breathing?” Dean could hear the hitch of panic in
Sam’s voice.
                “I can’t find a pulse!” Dean cried, clutching the cooling face
in his hands. “Cas!” Dean rested his forehead against his angel’s, not even
thinking of the blood or sick anymore. “Cas.” He whimpered, words as gone as
the beat of Castiel’s heart. “Cas, you can’t be gone. You can’t. I saved you. I
found you, Cas. Please, just…come back to me. Cas. I need you.”
                “We’re here.” Sam called from the front, turning into the
hospital parking lot. Dean didn’t hear. Didn’t see or feel the hands that pried
Cas from him. Didn’t notice being steered into the waiting room. All he could
see was Cas, pale and still. Feel that fire dying beneath his hands. Hear that
final exhale. “Cas!” Dean screamed, over and over into the void that had filled
his mind. There was no reply.
 
 
***** Chapter 33 *****
Castiel opened his tired eyes to the room before him once more. His delirium
had increased drastically, as he watched the shapes and colors sway and blur in
maddening fury. He felt heavy, as if gravity had strengthened its force on him
while he slept. Everything burned and ached in a way he had grown far to
intimate with. Cas knew it was so close to being over. Still, he could see the
green of Dean’s eyes in the foliage. Could feel the heat of his skin in the
warmth of the sunlight. He owed it to Dean to try. All earlier attempts at
escape forgotten, Cas went about pulling at his bindings once more.
                His right leg twinged painfully when he jerked it, tendons and
muscles strained and abused for far too long while his knee screamed its pain
in hot flashes. His left leg sent a howl of agony up his frame and out his dry
throat at its first movement. With a flash, Cas remembered his punishment.
Remembered the hammer coming down on his shin and the sharp crack he heard.
Definitely fractured, if not broken.
                Taking a few deep breaths, Cas steadied himself once more
before lunging up, pulling and straining with everything left in him. He felt a
slight give before a loud POP sent his ears ringing and stomach heaving. Crying
out, he instinctively turned in on his injured shoulder, the sharp movement
tearing his other shoulder out of its socket as well. Cas choked and heaved and
cried nothing but the smallest trickle of tears for what felt like hours. It
wasn’t until the pain faded into the hazy background that he could regain any
semblance of control over his breathing. It was truly over. He wasn’t getting
out.
                “I’m sorry, Dean.” Cas mouthed, voice gone. A fly brought focus
to his attention once more, mind wandering as aimlessly as the insects’ flight.
The fever burned bright and hot, and Cas smiled into the inferno. Still, fear
has a way of creeping up. Regret, longing, shame, panic; all rising and
demanding their screams be heard.
                ‘I know.’ Cas wanted to say. ‘I’m sorry. I’m scared. I don’t
want to die alone.’ The thoughts and pleas merged in his mind into a single
plea of no, please no.But the clock was ticking and Death was knocking.
Pounding and drumming away, Cas knew it wouldn’t be long before he had to open
the door. The day bled on, sun rising and birds singing unknown and unheard to
the boy slipping away in the woods.
                A movement caught his eye as the light dimmed into shadow.
Looking on, too tired to move his head, Cas saw what he never thought he would
see again. There Dean stood, haloed in light and shining bright as an angel.
Cas tried to smile, but even that was beyond him. One slow blink, and the
glorious mirage was gone. “Dean.” Cas called fondly in his mind. It was truly
time. That was all he needed to face what was beyond the door in his mind. To
erase his fears and everything holding him back. The image of Dean fixed firmly
in his sight, Cas opened the door and fell. His eyes closed as he plunged, down
and down until the darkness of the abyss consumed him. Down and down until
there was nothing.
*                             *                             *
                The motel was modest, nothing flashy but not the flea-ridden,
pay-by-the-hour sort either. Just a nice place to stay for awhile without
breaking the bank.
                “I fucked up, Sebastian.” Gabriel sighed. “I should have never
left him. I should have known…”
                “Hey, Gabe.” Balthazar soothed, rubbing his friend’s back as
they carried their bags into their temporary home. “It wasn’t your fault. No
one knew. No one blames you.”
                “I blame me.” Gabriel scrunched his nose in disgust. “Looking
back, I think I might have known. I mean, I lived in the same house. How could
I not know? I don’t know.” Gabriel sighed, deflating with a flush of
exhaustion. “It’s all fucked.”
                “Hey, you told me that you gave him a choice, right? You
offered to take him with you. He’s the one who turned you down.” Balthazar went
to unpacking quickly while Gabriel changed out of his travel soiled cloths.
                “Yeah. He said he couldn’t leave that bastard of a father. I
always thought…I thought he was the favorite, you know? Him and Zachariah
always together, Castiel following every order like a god-given command. I was
jealous, angry even. By the time Castiel hit middle school, I had stopped even
offering to take him out for ice cream or shit like I did with Anna. I didn’t
even think about how much shit he had to be going through. I didn’t even see
him make a friend after you left. But I just ignored it all, wallowed in my own
little self-pity and let my little brother’s life go to complete shit. I should
have fought him harder. I mean, dad hit all of us when he got mad or drank too
much. Castiel just took it every time. Didn’t get upset like Anna, didn’t get
mad like me. It was like he just absorbed it all. Turns out he just had more
practice.” Gabriel felt the tears calling, felt his stomach turning. “The
bastard fucking raped him for crying out loud!”
                “There was nothing you could do. You didn’t know.”
                “Yeah, well I know now. And I have a lifetime of shitty
brotherly behavior to make up for.”
                “You will.” Balthazar smiled. “We both have shit to make up
for. Castiel will never be alone again. We’ll make sure of that.”
                “If he’s still even alive.” Gabe sighed. “If he even wants to
see me. Us. It’s been months since I’ve called. Years since I’ve seen him.”
                “You’ll see him again. C’mon.” Balthazar urged Gabriel out the
door. “Let’s go to the station.”
                The drive was uneventful, and the information the police had
for them unhelpful once they arrived. Gabriel knew that Zachariah had won a
cabin many years ago in the prime of his gambling addiction, but no paperwork
was found to trace any address back to him. And as Zachariah had only ever
taken Castiel there, he had no idea where it was either.
                They started asking questions about what life was like when
Gabriel still lived there, trying to piece together anything to get them more
information. Perhaps names of fellow human traffickers, or whereabouts of their
criminal doings. Gabriel had nothing for them. Given their relationship,
coupled with shared contempt and disdain, Gabriel had no real hold on
Zachariah’s life outside the abuse he dealt his children.
                “Hate to interrupt.” Balthazar crept back into the room. “But
that was just Anna on the phone. They were able to get her onto the flight with
the information you sent. She should be here by morning.”
                “Thank God.” Gabriel breathed. Finally, something going right
it seemed. “Wait.” Gabriel felt a sick twist in his stomach as he jerked up
with paling face and clammy hands. “You don’t think he was…was raping her as
well?”
                “We, haven’t ruled it out given the sadistic nature and
pedophiliac tendencies. However, there is no evidence to support it, and she
was sent away to boarding schools. It seems your father’s focus was wholly on
the abuse of Castiel.”
                “Don’t call him that.” Gabriel spat, angry. “He’s not my
father, he lost the right to call himself that long ago. I lost my father the
same day my mother died. The man left behind was nothing of the man he was.”
                “My apologies.” Jody sighed, flipping through paperwork once
more, looking for any lead. “It won’t happen again.”
                “It’s not your fault.” Gabriel sighed. “I’m sorry for snapping
like that.”
                “Here.” Balthazar handed Gabe a coffee. “Mocha, with a diabetic
amount of sugar. Just the way I know you like it, Gabe.”
                “Thanks.” Gabriel sipped the drink before turning to observe a
commotion in the other room. One of the officers burst in moments later.
                “It’s Dean, Sheriff. He’s found Castiel, they’re driving him in
now.”
                “Where?” Sheriff Jody Mills exploded out of the chair, riding
the wave out of the room. She exchanged details with the Winchesters on the
phone, while simultaneously arranging an escort of police and alerting the
hospital. Castiel was found. He was alive. It was like a weight of dread and
guilt had eased from Gabriel’s shoulders.
                “Which hospital are they taking him to? We can meet him there.”
                “I’ll take this from here, Jody. Go do your job.” A woman Gabe
only vaguely remembered from his childhood stepped in.
                “Thanks Ellen.” Jody called, already out the door as the sirens
sounded and cruisers flew out of the lot.
                “You know the hospital, I take it?” Gabriel asked, feeling some
tension returning.
                “About that. Would you mind if we spoke in private?”
                “Of course.” Gabriel followed her away from prying ears,
curious and nervous all at once.
                “Look, I can tell that you are a good person and you love your
brother and feel terrible about all of this. But, Castiel has been through a
lot. You were there for a good part of it, and he idolized you. From what I’ve
heard from Dean, Castiel looked up to you like no other. And it was really hard
for him when you left. It’s still hard from him. Now, I can’t make you do
anything and I know that. But what I recommend is you give Castiel some time,
let him come to you when he’s ready. I could be wrong, he could be ecstatic to
see you again. But it could also bring up some…horrible memories. With
everything he’s been through, perhaps it’s better to give him a chance to heal
before we go picking at older scabs. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
                “Yes.” Gabriel huffed. “You’re saying he might blame me for
leaving him with that bastard.”
                “No-“ Ellen started.
                “No, no. It’s true. At least, that’s how I feel. Because I did
leave him. I left both of them. I was selfish and tired of his torment, so I
left and didn’t look back. I would blame me if I were him.”
                “You’re not him.” Ellen smiled. “No offense, but Castiel is
that special kind of innocent. He’s the kindest, most caring and forgiving and
loving individual I have even been given the treasure of meeting. I’m not
trying to stand in the way of your reunion. I just want to make sure Castiel is
okay first. He’s my priority at the moment.”
                “No problem.” Gabriel smiled. “Let Castiel know that Anna,
Balthazar, and myself are in town and ready to see him whenever he wants.
Here’s my number.” Gabriel scratched it out on a napkin from the nearby coffee
stand. “Just give me a call.”
                “I will.” Ellen smiled. “Thank you, Gabriel. Castiel needs
people in his life who love him. He’s missed his brother dearly. For his sake,
I hope you are able to become a regular part of his life again.”
                “As do I. And for what it’s worth, I’m glad he has you. Cas…he
wasn’t the same after mom died. It’s good to see that someone stepped up to
fill her shoes for her again.” Gabriel smiled and bade her farewell. Balthazar,
of course, agreed to wait. After all, so long as Cas was alive, there would
always be time for tearful apologies and mended bridges. He could only hope
that Castiel wasn’t so far gone that those ties would be severed forever.
                “Let’s go.” Balthazar led him out of the police station. Back
to the motel they went to wait for word. Back to the motel they went while
Castiel sped towards the hospital, teetering on the edge of life. Back to the
motel they went, where there was nothing to be done but wait and, for the first
time in a long time, hope.
***** Chapter 34 *****
Castiel was falling, drowning in smothering blackness. There was nothing, no
light nor air, smell or taste or feeling, just the plummeting onward
towards…well more the same it would seem. He was suspended in eternal limbo, in
this nowhere that had claimed him. So this was death, Castiel thought sadly. He
was glad that he wasn’t in hell, unless this was hell after all. No pain to be
found, but the lack of anything other than himself didn’t sit right either. It
definitely wasn’t heaven, sending a spike of sadness through his heart.
Goodbye, mother.Castiel thought morosely. I truly hoped to see you again.
Despite everything, I still hoped. I’m sorry I failed you.
                The darkness was suffocating, sending his ears screaming in the
silence. It didn’t take long for Castiel to long for the feel of air, of
anything on his skin. To plead for taste or smell or sight. It didn’t take long
for Castiel to feel the first slip in his mind. Just the thought of an eternity
of this…
                But then there was something, a small speck of hope in the form
of a twinkle of light. It was so far above him, so far out of his reach that
despair reared its ugly head once more. It was then that Castiel took notice of
a part of him he hadn’t even realized he had. There were wings, giant in span
and cocooning his fall. They were the useless, broken and diseased things that
had been inked into his very being. But in the reflection of the light, they
began to morph before his eyes. The burn of infection made its presence known,
an itching sting that prickled even as it faded from existence. Sharp cracks
permeated the air, echoing with his screams as bones snapped into place, joints
mending with flares of white-hot agony. A smooth expanse of skin spread across
the disease-free flesh. And then another tingling of irritating pain as
feathers bloomed, luxurious and glorious as heaven itself. Shadows and light,
shape and sound and time and thought all woven into an existence not quite on
any plane Castiel had ever thought he would know. Reverence reflected and
refracted in Castiel’s eyes as he realized that this thing of beauty he stood
in awe of, this thing of purity and love, was in fact himself.
                And then there was the pull, the tug deep inside to break free
of everything he had believed for so long, everything that had been beaten and
carved and fucked into him. To break free and fly.With one beat of his wings,
Castiel ceased his descent. He was no longer falling. No, Castiel was now
flying. Beat after beat after beat, Castiel rose higher and higher. The light
grew and Castiel laughed, truly weightlessly laughed for the first time since
his mother’s death. Higher and higher he rose, until the light engulfed him and
Castiel shown with joy.
                “Dean.” Castiel breathed, soaring and racing towards the
silhouette in the distance. Speeding towards love and home. “Dean.” Castiel
called again, allowing the green of his lover’s eyes swallow him up and fill
him with warmth. He had done it, Castiel was sure. He had reached heaven.
*                             *                             *
                “Dean.” Castiel called, shuddering as he blinked into
consciousness. The dream was still vivid behind his eyes, tingling throughout
as the warmth faded and reality settled in.
                “Hey.” Dean smiled, instantly by his side, hand intertwined
firmly in Castiel’s. “I’m here, Cas. I’m here.”
                “Where.” Cas frowned, feeling the tug of bandages and itch of
needles, the buzzing of medicine in his system and foggy ache of distant pain.
“Where are we.”
                “We’re in the hospital, Cas. It was pretty touch and go for
awhile. You gave us all a scare, Cas. I-I thought it might have been too late.
I thought you were gone.”
                “You found me.” Cas smiled again, meeting Dean’s anxious gaze.
“You found me.” He couldn’t help but repeat, feeling his love soar even higher.
                “I was almost too late.” Dean choked, tears flowing. “You…”
Dean took a steadying breath. “Sam and I found you tied too that bed. There was
so much blood, and your skin was so hot. We took you here, Sam driving while I
held you in the backseat. I was so happy I found you, so glad you were still
alive, even if you were unconscious. Then you started shaking, you were having
a pretty bad seizure it seemed like. And we were so close to getting you help
but it got worse and worse. And then you were still, you were so still Cas. You
breathed out, right by me ear. I felt it, heard it, still hear it honestly. But
then, you didn’t breath back in. You were just…lying there. I couldn’t find a
pulse, I felt you skin start to cool. In my arms, Cas. You were in my arms, and
I couldn’t save you. You died, Cas. And-And I was so worried that it was really
over. I couldn’t let myself believe that you were really gone. I failed you.”
                Cas brushed the tears away, marveling at how much concentration
and energy it took to produce even that small of a movement even as he marveled
at the beautiful man shedding tears for him. “But I’m here now, right? I have
you to thank for that, Dean. You didn’t fail me. You saved me.”
                Dean huffed a small laugh. “No, the doctor’s did the saving.
Brought you back, bandaged you up. It was really bad. Infection, pneumonia,
starvation and dehydration, along with all the blood loss from all your cuts
and broken bones, dislocated joints…” Dean rambled off, taking a breath to
steady himself for what was coming next. “There’s something else you need to
know, Cas.”
                “What is it?” Cas frowned at the devastation, the complete
concentration and sorrow clear on Dean’s face. “You can tell me.”
                More tears fell as Dean opened his mouth to speak once more.
“They…they had to amputate your left leg, Cas. The shin was completely
shattered. There…there were little bits of bone sticking through the skin when
I found you. It was bad, the infection deeper there than anywhere else. They
said that it was irreparable, and if they didn’t cut it off, the infection
would just keep spreading again and again. I’m so sorry, Cas.”
                Castiel blinked, and the happy euphoria of the drugs and being
with Dean again, being safe, all faded into numb shock. “What.”
                “I’m so sorry-“
                “Let me see.” Castiel steeled his eyes, even as he felt his
emotions wavering.
                “Cas-“
                “Let. Me. See.” Cas grit out, steadying himself. With one last
sorrowful glance, Dean moved to pull the covers back. Castiel gasped. It was
like he was looking at someone else. That couldn’t be his own body, so pale and
thin beneath the gown and bandages. Those couldn’t be his legs, one held in a
splint and the other…the other gone from the knee down. Castiel felt tears
prickle. Just when he thought he was done, when Zachariah could take no more
from him, he was able to keep on stealing more and more.
                “Cover it up.” Cas breathed. “I don’t want to see it anymore.”
                “I-I’m sorry.” Dean complied, unsure of what else to say.
Silence descended before Cas continued. “What else. What else do I need to know
about me. About my-my condition.” Cas got out, just wanting all the bad news to
be done and over with.
                “Like I said, it was touch and go. You’ve been here for three
days now, they wouldn’t let us see you for most of it, you were back and forth
in all sorts of surgeries and operations for the first two days. They had to
relocate both your shoulders, all of your ribs were either broken or bruised,
your left leg…well you know. And your right had to be splintered as well.
Something with your knee, I don’t know. They’re talking about putting it in a
cast soon. There was a lot of internal bleeding, and a lot of fluid in your
lungs as well. They had to give you three blood transfusions. Both fluids and
nutrients needed to be replaced. They only took the tube out of your throat an
hour ago when you showed signs that you might wake up soon. There was a lot of
damage to your internal organs as well. They say that you might need a kidney
transplant also, since one of them…well it was too damaged so they had to take
that too. They want to keep you here for two or three weeks, and then weekly
visits for a few more months along with physical therapy for awhile as well.
I’m sorry, Cas. This is all shit, and it’s going to stay shitty for awhile. But
I let you down once before. I should have seen what was happening, should have
stopped it. But I’m here now. I’m going to do everything in my power to help
you, Cas. And you’re going to get better. You’ll get better if it’s the last
thing I do.”
                Cas just lay there, taking all the information in as silent
tears continued to fall down his lover’s face. He couldn’t help but wish that
he was asleep again, that he had stayed asleep and never woken up. But then he
saw the expression on Dean’s face, felt the love and heartbreak and realized
for the first time that, perhaps, Dean had come to need him just as much as he
needed Dean. And as Cas already knew, he would do anything for Dean.
                “Together.” Cas smiled, fondly but sadly. “We’ll get through
this together.”
                “Yeah.” Dean huffed out a small laugh. “Together. I swear.” And
then Dean was kissing him, sweetly and lovingly on his cheek. After all, his
lips were still scabbed over from dryness and already welling blood in the
cracks caused when he talked. It would be a long road, but Cas knew he would
recover with Dean by his side.
                “I still can’t believe you found me. How did you know to even
look? The letter-“
                Dean’s eyes turned stormy. It was like the sunlight itself
seeped back out of the room. “It was thanks to Bela. She gave me a…gift. I
opened it the morning after you left with all the others. In it were…pictures
that she had taken of you. She had your house wired up with cameras. It was a
good months worth…maybe even more, all of pictures she had printed out. Of what
Zachariah was doing to you when he-“ Dean broke off, unable to finish. Castiel
had figured Dean knew, given the state he found Castiel in. Still, it had to be
said. And for the first time, Cas could say it out loud, what had always been
screaming in the dark corners of his mind.
                “When he raped me.” Castiel finished for him.
                “Yeah. That.” Dean eyes bleed his sadness again, his heartbreak
and compassion for his friend and what he went through. “Anyways.” Dean
continued. “The police arrested Zachariah before he could leave the country. He
wouldn’t tell us where you were though, he was trying to make a deal.
Apparently though, he was planning on selling you to Alastair, since he
couldn’t have you anymore. But Alastair didn’t know where you were either,
everyone was looking but we couldn’t find you. So Sam convinced me to go out
after what felt like years of nothing. I took him to the tree house, chasing
memories of you, of happier times. That’s where we found your journal, and Sam
found the address. And here we are.”
                “Bela…knew?” Cas couldn’t help but feel a sick twist in his
gut. All those sideways glances, the knowing smirks, they all made sense now.
She had known. She had known and done nothing.
                “She did. They found a lot of shit on her too once Crowley
turned all the information over. He did some digging, called in favors.
Probably some connection with the Mafia, who knows. Anyways, turns out she
covered up the murder of her parents, kept their bodies in her house. A lot of
theft and drugs and god knows what else. Anyways, she’s in a mental institution
now. In a few months, after she’s eighteen, they’re going to try her. Given
everything, they’re trying to get her locked up in some institution for the
criminally insane. Also, with all the evidence they found they have been able
to arrest 30 of the people so far identified in the pictures and videos
Zachariah took of them doing…that to you as well. There’s still more people
they are looking for. They’ll all be tried along with Zachariah.”
                “I’m sorry you had to find out.” Cas looked down, already
feeling his worst fear being realized. “You must think I’m disgusting. Everyone
must think I’m disgusting.”
                “I think you’re beautiful.” Dean gripped his chin gently,
raising Cas to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry you had those things done to you,
Castiel. But you’re not disgusting. No matter what was done to you, you are
still the purest person I have ever met. You are full of love and kindness and
devotion. You help others even when you yourself are in need. You give all of
yourself and more to everyone who could ever ask it of you. And you do it
freely, without hesitation. You have given everything and more to me, Castiel.
And I can only ever hope to repay even the smallest fraction of what you have
done for me. I love you, Cas. And one day, I hope you can see yourself as I see
you. Because you are not disgusting, you are not damned. You are an angel, Cas.
And you breathed life back into me when you agreed to be my angel. As I said so
long ago, you raised me from perdition. Now let me do the same for you.”
                “Dean.” Cas smiled, eyes full of those sparks that Dean had
watched fade that fateful Christmas Eve, returned a hundredfold. “You already
have.”
                They continue talking for awhile, Dean explaining how everyone
is worried and anxious to see him, but agreed to give them this afternoon
alone. Dean talked of all their friends, how worried they are as well and how
much everyone misses him and can’t wait to see him. He mentions Gabriel, how he
and Balthazar and Anna are here. How Gabriel feels like shit for leaving him,
for not seeing the signs just as all the others were blind. How much they want
to make amends, and are willing to see him whenever he is ready. How Gabriel
swears to never leave him on his own again. Castiel is shocked, but happy and
full of warmth. The family he had been drawn into and the one he thought was
gone all together and waiting for him. It is without hesitation that Cas tells
Dean he is ready to meet with them whenever they can come.
                “So, for the trial. I’ll have to testify?” The small moment of
peace, of ignoring the ugliness of their situation was over. Cas was ready to
face his demons.
                “They have more than enough evidence, but most likely yes. You
don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
                “No.” Cas sets his jaw, feeling hatred bubble to the surface.
“He’ll try his best to weasel out of it. I need to speak. To face him and bury
that bastard in my past.”
                “I still can’t believe….I’m so sorry, Cas. I know what it’s
like to have a father that well…isn’t exactly what a father is supposed to me.”
                “He’s not my father.” Cas spat. “ Right before he left, he told
me. My mother had an affair. Zachariah was not and never will be my father. My
real one died in an accident many years ago. I-I kind of wish he was still
alive. That maybe I could meet him. But at the same time, I’m glad I didn’t.
Because if he was anything like Zachariah…I don’t think I would be able to
handle that.”
                “Hey.” Dean brushed his hair back. “Ellen and Bobby are working
everything out. They’ve gotten approval to be your foster parents, if you want.
And I swear, Bobby is nothing like Zachariah.”
                “I know.” Cas smiled. “Bobby is a good man.”
                “That he is.” Dean agreed, pressing small kisses into the
bandaged hand in his own.
                “Dean.” Castiel could no longer ignore his curiosity. He had to
know what deal was so worth it to Zachariah that he would be willing to let Cas
die before helping him be found. “What was the deal Zachariah was trying to
work?”
                “I don’t know, really.” Dean squinted slightly, trying to
remember everything. “Something about the human trafficking that he was a part
of. Their names and locations in return for witness protection, which would
keep him from being punished for everything he did to you.”
                “They don’t need him for that.” Castiel frowned, remembering
all the helpless people so much like him, locked away in cages from all the
happiness in the world. “I can’t help much with names. But I can take them to
the warehouse he kept the people they took at.”
                “You.” Dean jolted up in surprise. “You knew about that?”
                “Unfortunately.” Cas shifted, fatigue buzzing on the horizon.
“He took me there when it was evident I would leave him, would stay with you.
He did it to warn me against telling anyone about what he was doing. Said if he
went down, he would make sure I ended up in the same situation as all those
poor souls, lost and alone in a foreign country to have their lives and
happiness sold at a price. I don’t have an address, but if I see the warehouses
I can pick out the one they were in.”
                “That’s great. I’ll let Jody know.” Dean smiled, despite the
grim subject. “See what I mean, Cas. Even with everything, you’re still taking
the time to try and help people. Strangers. Most people wouldn’t do that.”
                “It’s the right thing to do.” Castiel fidgeted, embarrassed.
                “Yeah.” Dean agreed. “It may be right. But more than anything,
it shows how good you really are.”
                “I have a lot of bad to make up for, Dean.”
                “No.” Dean’s smile faltered. “You’ve had a lot of bad done to
you. But even all that can’t stop the good you do for the world, Cas. The good
you do for me.” Dean kissed him one last time before making the call. He would
be damned if Zachariah wasn’t going to pay for what he did to Cas. Castiel was
asleep again by the time Dean ended the call, but Jody would be ready for him
when he woke up again. And Dean and all the others who loved and cared about
Cas would be ready too. No, it really wasn’t going to be easy, and there would
be many dark days ahead of them. But Cas would be able to face them all. He
would face them with a family at his back, Dean by his side, and a heart that
would only ever be full of love.
 
 
***** Chapter 35 *****
Dean woke as he had almost every day for the past month, to a face full of
dark, unruly hair, arms loosely clinging to his own, and a heart full of
warmth. Dean woke up next to Cas. They had come a long way this past month.
Little by little, baby steps had made their trek across the long and winding
road to recovery. There were still miles to go, if that road ever ended, but
the beginning was already long in their rearview mirror. Dean smiled, breathing
in the scent of Cas, mingled faintly with his own. It had been a long month,
but everything had brought them all here, to this very day. To the start of the
trial.
                Cas lingered in sleep, deep and dreamless as can only be
brought of utter exhaustion. The nightmares had made their appearance almost
every night, coupled with the anxiety and stress of therapy and the publicity
his case brought only weighed Cas down more and more as the days drew on. Dean
remembered that first time Cas woke, how sorrowful yet hopeful they had been.
He remembered the second time, late in the evening of that same day. It was
just Dean, Ellen, and Sheriff Jody Mills. She had brought pictures of the
entire warehouse district, along with maps. Once Cas oriented himself to a
familiar landsite, he was able to trace close enough to pick from only a
handful of buildings. They were able to receive a warrant on his
identification, and caught three of the traffickers who lingered, along with
saving 76 victims who were being kept there. And that was only the tip. With
each new arrest came new information, leading them further and further into the
intricate web of crime and suffering. And, selfish as it was, the best part for
Dean was knowing that Zachariah, the bastard, had no pleas or bargains to fall
back on.
                It was a week of visits after that. Cas putting on his brave
face and looking all those he loved in the eyes, knowing they knew the truth of
his abuse. It was tearful and heartfelt, the connections made then as one by
one, they all made their love and acceptance for Cas known and felt. The most
beautiful one had to be Gabriel. Anna had been too young to remember most of
the torment that had gone on in that household, much less understand it. And
Balthazar, or Sebastian as he preferred, had moved before the real abuse began
regularly. But Gabriel had been there for the bulk of it, unwittingly shunning
his brother while Cas was broken further and further. When he left, Gabriel was
only doing what was best for him. But coming back, that was him swearing to do
what was best for Castiel. After all, what were big brother’s for? And Cas,
well, Cas forgave him and welcomed them all back with open arms, as only he
could do.
                But there had been bad days as well. His first session of
physical therapy, two weeks after he woke up and only a few days after his
release from the hospital had been horrible. They hadn’t even tried anything
with walking, just simple exercises to build muscle that had been lost and help
Castiel become more familiar with his body now. Still, he had cried for hours
and hours afterwards, heart wrenching, gut-clenching sobs that seemed to never
end. That night, Cas confided in Dean as they lay together.
                “I always loved running. I may not have been the best at sports
or anything, but when I ran, I was free. It was like I was flying, Dean. And he
took that away from me too. Even after I said no. Even after I told him to
stop, to go. He still took it from me.”
                “You’ll run again someday, Cas. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
Dean stroked his hair, gripping the fragile boy close.
                Cas only huffed. “How. I can’t even stand, Dean.” And try as he
might, Dean had no idea what to say.
                At first, Cas had put up a strong front at the loss of his leg,
brushing over the subject. But it weighed heavily on him, still weighed heavily
on him. Handicapped. A word people see everywhere, see in every parking lot.
But that word had become a reality, a reality Cas was struggling to accept.
There were nights when Cas woke the entire house shrieking, clawing furiously
at the mattress as tears streamed down his face. These screams were different
from the nightmares. These screams were reality.
                “It itches.” Cas screamed. “It-It burns. I can’t make it stop.
Make it stop, Dean. Dean! Please! Why won’t it stop?” The phantom itch,
worsened by the abuse Zachariah heaped on Castiel for years. Critical years
during his development. Years that would haunt and affect him for the rest of
his life.
                But come morning, Castiel would always apologize, like it was
his fault. And come morning, the others would look on sadly and remind him that
it’s not his fault, that it’s okay, that there’s no need for apology. With
downward cast eyes Cas would accept it, hearing the love and support, but not
truly believing it.
                Bobby was especially difficult. He walked on eggshells around
Cas now. Even so, occasionally there would be one move or phrase that would
earn a decided, albeit brief, flinch out of Cas. A flinch that would halt any
and all conversation, destroy any bright atmosphere in a heartbeat as the
Singer’s were instantly reminded of all the torment and torture Castiel went
through. A flinch that would brighten Bobby’s cheeks and moisten Ellen’s eyes
as her husband would instantly apologize for actions that were harmless. Merely
reminders of a dark past that still loomed over them all.
                The therapy was helping, both physical and mental. But each
session still sent Cas to a dark place, stealing his smile and the joy from his
eyes time and time again. They always came back, brighter and brighter than
before. But Dean still feared each session. Dreamed hauntingly real nightmares
of dead eyes and still hearts. Of last breaths and cooling flesh. Those eyes
brought him back to before, to the last time he saw Cas before he disappeared,
before Dean found him bound to that horrid bed, drenched in his own blood and
filth and sick. Drenched in sickness and death and almost-too-late’s.
                School was out of the question, but at the mention of falling
behind, Dean vowed to do everything in his power to help Cas. After all, Cas
had lost enough. Just the thought of one more thing that would be taken from
him because of Zachariah, well, Cas’ eyes said it all. Utter pain and
desolation and loss, coupled with determination to persevere and break free of
his chains. It was devastating and uplifting all at once. So the teachers sent
work home, and everyone helped Cas to the best of their abilities. Granted,
Sam, Ellen, and Kevin were the most helpful at this. Still, everyone tried and
everyone gave their best.
                Best wasn’t always enough, however. Ten times in the last month
Cas had hurt himself. Dean would catch him with a smuggled knife, carving away
at his own flesh in an attempt to release all the pain he constantly held
inside. Each time Dean would pull the blade free of weak hands, cradle his
tear-ridden face, and say anything and everything to bring his love back. And
each time, Cas would confess that he feared it wasn’t enough. That it might
never be enough. He made his peace, back there in the lonely, torturous cabin.
He wanted to die. He thinks he might still want to die. And each time Dean
would hold and sooth Cas to sleep, staying strong for his angel up until the
moment his eyes closed. Only then would Dean let the tears flow. And Sam or
Bobby or Ellen or whoever happened to pass by would only be able to look on in
sympathy, unable to do anything to help. Because Cas was safe now, but the
damage had been done, and the danger now lay in his own mind.
                There was good too, many, many happy moments shared. Dean
relished these, hoarded them in his memories like treasured gold. Especially
the moments they were alone. Cas still wasn’t able to bath himself, a task made
only more difficult by his cast-bound right leg and torso that still hadn’t
recovered full range of moment. Only then would Cas let anyone see him strip
bare, and even then only for Dean. So Dean would sponge him down, carefully and
gently. Everywhere except his more…intimate areas. Those Dean still couldn’t
touch without bringing back painful flashbacks for Cas. So Dean would hold his
hand, maneuvering him so Cas could clean himself in places that Dean longed to
one day touch, worship and lather with his love. Places that, more and more,
Dean was realizing might forever be just a hand beyond his reach.
                Castiel loved to kiss, though. He made this known clearly and
daily, reveling in the dance of lips and tongue and teeth. Mingled air and an
intimacy that had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with love.
Kissing never sent Cas back to his horrible memories, never made him cry or
scream. But Dean did cry. He cried every time he realized this was because Cas
still didn’t really know love, it was all so brand new to him. He knew pain and
rape, torture and manipulation and use, but he didn’t know love. And so Dean
would cry and Cas would cling tighter until their bodies were flush and breaths
coming in pants. Only then would he draw away with one last chaste peck,
feigning tiredness. But Dean saw past it. Knew that it wasn’t the exhaustion
(though that was a factor, the damage to his health was still quite evident).
No, Cas would draw away because he felt how close they were. Felt Dean on every
inch of his body. Felt him everywhere except for the left knee down. And that
was a hurdle still standing high in Cas’ path.
                Kids from school visited often, most turned away instantly. As
word spread, many of the school body wanted to see the kid who had been beaten
and raped for almost half his life. Wanted to see their fellow student who,
after school, would go home to get fucked by his father or some random John
with cash in his wallet for Zachariah and a dick in Castiel. Those kids would
get the ass-chewing of their life before being sent on their way.
                Others came to apologize, past bullies or onlookers who wanted
to make amends with the damaged boy. Most of those were turned away as well,
the choice in those cases were always left up to Cas. His friends came as well,
Adam and the entire baseball team even held fundraisers in his honor. They were
putting the money to a fund that they hoped could maybe get Castiel a
prosthetic leg some day. Surprisingly, Adam and Cas bonded well, given what
Adam’s father had been doing to Castiel for years. Adam apologized for his
father, trying to repay the boy who had so much taken from him. But Castiel had
already forgiven Michael, and never blamed Adam for his father’s misdoings.
Thanks to that, it only took one wrong word about Castiel at school nowadays to
have the entire baseball team on your ass.
                Dean appreciated it, but still felt apprehension. After all,
what would happen next year when Castiel was well enough to attend school once
more? How would he be able to function normally when everyone would know, when
everywhere he went there would be backward glances and shared whispers. Even
with so many standing for him, there would always be those looking to make him
fall. Then again, what if they switched schools? Moved and started all over.
What then? Castiel already lacked so many critical social skills. He even had
trouble communicating with the friends and family he already had. Would he be
able to make new friends there? And homeschooling, well that was definitely out
of the question after the upbringing of isolation and manipulation he had. No,
whatever way Dean looked at it, it was definitely going to be a struggle.
                But he was still improving, regaining health and doing his best
to move forward mentally and emotionally. The doctor’s deemed that he would not
need a kidney transplant, one would be enough for the time being. They gave it
another month, two tops before his right leg could come out of the cast. After
that, prosthetics were a real possibility, and with some rehabilitation, maybe
even walking and eventually running. His shoulders and ribs were healed, if a
little tender. The damage done to his organs and general health had already
been overcome, but there was still plenty of muscle growth left to work on. All
in all, things were looking up.
                Castiel shifted in his sleep, bringing Dean back to the
present. Unable to help the small smile that formed upon looking at the worry-
free face of his sleeping angel, Dean watched on as his sorrow and worry faded,
replaced with joy and the brightest glow of love. Slowly blinking away sleep,
Cas woke to the adoring gaze of the one who mattered most in the world to him.
With a smile, Cas rolled closer for a kiss, only to jerk to an abrupt stop with
a breathless gasp as his morning wood grazed Dean’s hip. Dean froze as well,
unsure what to do. This was the first time Cas had woken with morning wood.
Then again, this was probably the first time they slept through the night
without either having a nightmare. Unsure what to do, Dean waited on Cas to
make whatever move may come. Be it impromptu intimacy or the slight sting of
rejection, Dean would take whatever Cas gave him.
                The war played clearly across Castiel’s face, battling desire
and despair, each fighting equally for dominance. With a sigh, Cas scrunched
his eyes close and pressed his hand hard to his crotch, willing his erection
limp. It didn’t take long, and Dean didn’t have to ask why.
                “I don’t want the first time we do this to be like this. To be
today. I want it to be special, something we can both treasure forever, Dean. I
don’t want it tainted by Zachariah or the others. I want to be with you, Dean.
But first, I want anyone who ever raped me, who used or hurt me to be rotting
away somewhere far from us. I want to be at peace, knowing that I am free of
their abuse. I want to be focused completely on you, Dean. And I can’t give
that to you right now. I’m sorry.”
                “Don’t be.” Dean kissed his cheek, lingering to brush his nose
playfully through Cas’ hair. “I understand. I’ll be here, whenever you’re
ready. I don’t want you doing this until you’re completely ready too. 100% or
not at all. Got it?”
                “Got it.” Cas huffed, turning his head for a proper kiss. Dean
obliged, cradling Cas’ head in his hands, basking in the progress that had been
made, the progress to come. Today and the days to come would be hard for
everyone. But after the trial, Dean knew that the real recovery would start.
And Dean had complete faith that Cas would be able to do it. The would all do
it, each helping the other heal in their own way.
                “C’mon.” Dean pulled away, standing to walk the wheelchair over
to the bed. “Time to get ready.”
                Dean helped Cas into the chair before wheeling them off to the
bathroom. Bobby and Ellen had given them their room for the moment, seeing as
there was no way Cas would be able to brave the stairs to make it to Dean’s
room on a daily basis. There was some shuffling involved, Jo rooming with
Charlie, Sam sleeping in Jo’s old room while Ellen and Bobby took theirs. But
no one complained (much), and Castiel’s gratitude shown bright on a daily
basis. He took extra care to ensure that his appreciation was well-known, just
as the other’s strove to make sure it wasn’t seeming like he was a burden on
any of them.
                The bath was different from usual. Dean gently lowered Cas into
the tub, only to slip in behind wearing only his boxers.
                “Dean?” Cas questioned, surprised.
                “Relax.” Dean cooed, rubbing the tense shoulders before him.
“It’s a big day. I want to make sure you are at your best. Completely at ease
and all that.”
                “Oh.” Cas visibly relaxed, practically melting into him.
“That’s not necessary.”
                “I know.” Dean smiled. “I want to.”
                There was a pause as Dean worked his fingers into every knot he
came across before Cas’ quiet voice spoke up again. “Thank you.”
                “I love you.” Dean replied, forgoing the usual ‘you’re
welcome’.
                “I know.” Cas smiled, eyes closing in bliss as his head fell
back to rest on Dean’s bare chest. “You show me how much you love me all the
time, Dean. Every day, it’s like everything you do just shines through with
your love. I only wish one day I can show you how much I love you as well. It
feels me up, Dean. It’s the light that brings me back from the dark. It’s
everywhere, Dean. Imprinted on my very soul. I-I just wish I could show you. Be
with you, in every way.”
                “I know too, Cas. You don’t have to show me anything. I might
be a girl for saying this, but it’s already in your eyes. It’s been there for
awhile. There’s nothing else you need to do. Trust me, I’ll know how much you
love me. I’ll always know, Cas.” And if Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head,
breathing in his scent like a drug while he drew the massage out longer than
planned, well no one else would know.
                Bath over and done with, Dean helped Cas back into his chair to
finish drying off before showering himself. They brushed their teeth, shaved
(more for show than any real need yet), and took their turns relieving
themselves, each turning their back respectfully. Dean dressed the both of
them; undershirt, white collared shirt, plain black jacket, briefs instead of
his usual boxers, slacks and socks all went on.
                “Here.” Cas smiled, taking the matching blue ties from Dean’s
hand. “It’s my turn. Let me.”
                So Dean smirked and slid easily onto the bed where he had moved
the boy, straddling his lap and sending a furious blush to Cas’ perfect cheeks.
His hands were sure, gentle and smooth as Cas expertly did up his tie. When he
moved to grab his own, Dean shot his hand out and reached it first.
                “Here, let me.” Dean smiled, not moving an inch from his spot
as he did up and straightened out Cas’ tie. All too soon, the preparations for
the day were complete and the two headed out to the kitchen for breakfast. The
others were already there, dressed formally but not overly so. Breakfast was
quiet, as to be expected with the array of nerves everyone was feeling. Cas
wasn’t able to eat much, just the thought of what was to come turning his
stomach. It would be the first time he saw Zachariah again since he walked out
of the cabin, leaving his son to die. It was going to be difficult, but with a
deep breath and hand tightly locked with Dean’s, Cas knew he would be able to
face it.
                Everyone piled into their respective cars, mumbling quick ‘see
you there’s all around and ‘good luck’s coupled with ‘we’re here for you’s for
Cas. And just like that, they were off, speeding towards the courtroom. The
trial was waiting for them all there, not just Cas. Everyone would see the
darkness he endured to its face, and all Cas’ secrets and pain and abuse would
be laid bare. The trial would be a hurdle they would face together. But, most
importantly, the trial would help bring a sliver of closure for Cas. Closure
the others would help him build upon. With only a little over an hour before
the trial started, everyone was mentally preparing themselves best they could.
They had been waiting for this day ever since Castiel was brought back to them.
It was time.
 
 
***** Chapter 36 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Thankfully
 with the wide array of video and picture evidence, along with the physical
evidence of Castiel’s state of health and collection of scars, the prosecution
has more than enough ammo to send Zachariah away for good. Castiel’s testimony
was only the icing on the cake. Knowing he had nothing to fall back onto now,
Zachariah was pleading guilty. The trial was now just for the sentence to be
administered. Even the other defendants, the John’s who paid for their turn,
were left with nothing as well. They couldn’t plead ignorance, couldn’t fight
the picture and video evidence. All they could hope for was leniency on the
judge’s part.
                The trial
begins
, Zachariah is brought out in chains, and Castiel clings to Dean’s hand for
dear life.
                “That smug bastard.” Dean growled. “He better get life for what
he did to you.”
                Upon Cas’ tensing hand and silent response, Dean turned to face
him, concern oozing freely. “Cas? You okay?”
                “I-I don’t know.” Cas whispered, crying. “I know I hate him,
Dean. I can feel it burning inside me, so hot and angry and still fresh and
raw. But I can feel him too, his hands, h-his cock, his tongue and poisonous
words, it’s all still there. Dean, I don’t know how to describe it. He did so
much to me, so much wrong. But I still see what he was, still remember the man
who pushed me on the swing, who helped with homework and tucked me in. The man
who kissed my mother and loved all their children. I miss him, Dean. He may not
have been my real father, but he still raised me. There were good memories too.
I just…forgot. Even in the bad, there were days when he was his old self again.
He would take me for ice cream, buy me a book I showed interest in, praised my
grades or fix my favorite meal. He sang me to sleep when I was sick and brought
me soup and wet towels. Even after he started raping me, he would hold me in
the beginning. He would chase the pain away with talk of how beautiful I was,
how much like my mother I looked. ‘You’re a good boy, Castiel. A good son.’ He
would say. ‘I wish I could wash away the stain on
your
 soul. I want to help you, Castiel. I want to make everything right in you.’”
                “Cas. I….I don’t know what to say. I’m
sorry
.” Dean pulled him close, staring death at the man smugly sitting before them
in his chains.
                “Don’t be.” Cas huffed. “He stopped all that long before you
came, Dean. It was about halfway through middle school, when I first hit
puberty. That’s when he stopped treating me like a child. That’s when he
severed the love I perceived. For the longest time, I blamed myself, knew I
must have done something wrong. But he was the one doing wrong. I can see that
now. And while seeing him again brought up memories, emotions I haven’t thought
of in months, it doesn’t change anything. He still hurt me, still raped me, and
I will be content in the knowledge that he can never do that to me or anyone
else ever again.”
                “You’re so strong, Cas.” Dean smiled, pecking his cheek and
lingering to whisper. “I love you. I love that even in all the hate, in all the
bad, you still try and see the good. Even though I hate that man, all those
men, with every ounce of my being, you still find hope in your heart. That’s
how good you are, Cas. How much better you are than them. How much better you
will always be, no matter what anyone says, no matter what you think, you are
good,Cas. The best. Don’t forget that.”
                “I won’t.” Cas smiled tensely as the judge brought the trial to
a start, observing all the formalities.
                “Don’t think any less of me.” Cas stressed, after it was
obvious the evidence was about to be shown.
                “I won’t.” Dean promised. “I’m here for you, Cas. If you need
to leave, just let me know.”
                “Okay.” Cas breathed, blood draining from his face as the first
video was shown.
                The trial passed in a blur for Cas, cycling through all the
defendants over the next few weeks. Zachariah received life in prison for child
molestation, child pornography, child abuse,
the_list
 goes on and on. Bobby, Ellen, Dean, everyone cheered when the sentence was
delivered. Alastair received 50 years with no chance of parole, while Lucas
Novak, who had been arrested and flew in two weeks ago, was sentenced 40. The
other’s all received 20-30 year sentences, some with and some without chance of
parole. The trial was hard, however. It wasn’t just Zachariah who kept videos.
One in particular was shot by Alastair. It was in his basement, just a cement
room cleared save for a metal table at a slight angle.
                The video showed Cas strapped in, face-down and bare ass to the
air for all to see. Obviously, the cut out or blurred out as much as possible.
But it still showed how Alastair threaded the tube into his hole, how he pumped
gallons of water over the course of just a few hours into the small boy. How
Cas would get so full and
bloated
 he would vomit, how Alastair would rip the tube out for water and liquid shit
to pour out, all dribbling to collect with the tears in a pool around Castiel’s
face pressed into the unforgiving steel table. The angle made sure all
unpleasant fluids ran down to rest there, running into his eyes and ears and
nose and mouth. Insert and rip out. Insert and rip out. They only showed clips,
but the message got across. Afterwards, the water he was washed down with was
so hot and pressurized that Castiel turned pink, then red, and was left with
scattered burns everywhere.
                That was just one kink Alastair felt like exploring. In
another, he inserted a sort of mouth guard doubled as a gag that kept Castiel’s
mouth wide and teeth shielded. Hands and feet bound in the sling, Cas was
helpless to the hands locked in his hair and cock pummeling deep inside his
throat. When Alastair was close, he would pinch Castiel’s nose to increase the
suction. Castiel would choke around the flesh, yearning for air. He always
passed out for the end, but Alastair made sure never to suffocate him long
enough to die. He would come too with Alastair soft and limp from his climax,
but still finding all manner of…toys to play with.
Then they showed the physical pain Alastair delivered. Showed the burning, the
beating and cutting. Once, he cut Castiel’s flesh just above his stomach and
peeled his skin back to expose his ribs. Then, he carved his name into the
bones visible. Melting down a small amount of copper, Alastair took care in
filling his name in with molten, red-hot liquid. Cas had screamed as smoke
wisped up from his ribs. The copper cooled, forever imprinting the name
Alastair into him. Castiel may have passed out from the pain, but Alastair
still stitched and cleaned him up all the same. The torture escalated more and
more until around the time Zachariah began demanding more
money
 for more damage. Only then was the pain toned down once more.
His Uncle, Lucas, had a few videos as well. The man had never been good, only
he and Zachariah ever got along. He had a family back home as well, but they
feared him even before the light had been shown on how he abused his nephew.
Castiel hadn’t been the only one he abused. Still, the many times he raped him
were made known. The occasional beatings, the collar he started bringing. There
was one video in particular, showing Cas in nothing but the collar and a large
butt plug as Lucas would throw ball after ball for him to fetch while he sat
there and laughed. The balls varied in levels of unpleasantness. Some were
covered in feces, others left in the freezer so they would send icy shards of
pain shooting through Castiel’s mouth as he tried desperately not to drop the
ball. They also showed the few times Zachariah tried to pleasure Castiel as
well, always ending with him in tears. They showed many more things, but Cas
could watch no more.
They showed the gangbangs. Showed his father dressing and painting him up like
a whore. Showed the days filmed of no sex but lifetimes worth of torture.
Showed Michael, thrusting into his mouth even as he bandaged Castiel’s arms.
Showed a whole array of perverts playing out their sickest fantasies on one
abused child. Only clips, the most modest of images had been shown. But
everything was described in detail, and Castiel’s cheeks burned with shame
while all the other’s burned with rage.
                Then it was Castiel’s turn. He fought back tears, fought back
shame and anger as he recounted event after event, correlating with the
evidence and testifying to what had not been filmed. The first time his father
beat him, the first time he raped him. The first
loan
 shark Zachariah let spend the night with his son. The starvation, the mental
abuse and brain-washing, all the humiliation he had been put through. He spoke
of Alastair, how he coached him to hide signs of abuse instead of helping him
as therapists are supposed to. How he would hurt himself, often in front of
Zachariah, scars visible for all to see and still no one stepped forward to
help. To put an end to it all.
The gangbangs were brought up, brushed over as Castiel didn’t know names,
couldn’t remember all the faces. There were many events that he couldn’t
remember, more and more piling on as the trial dragged on. It frightened Cas,
how he could have no memory of so many nights, so much abuse. It wasn’t drugs
poking holes in his memory, but
blackouts
. It scared him, really scared him to realize how far his mind had slipped
without him even knowing. But then again, upon seeing the evidence of those
occurrences, Cas decided he was glad he didn’t remember.
He spoke of Michael as well, all the filth he had done and help he had given
when it came time to patch Castiel up. But he didn’t stop there. Cas
continued
, letting everyone know how Michael had stopped, recounting every word said in
his office and the forgiveness he had found for the man. He would still pay for
his crimes, but Cas hoped it wouldn’t be as severely.
Doctors had been brought out as well, to describe the damage done, the damage
that’s repercussions were still being inflicted, that would
continue
 to affect him. His psychologists spoke as well, holding nothing back as they
described the psychological effects that would plague Castiel for many years to
come, perhaps even the rest of his life. The stint in emotional growth the
abuse caused, the depression and possibilities of whole arrays of mental
illness that could still set in. Illnesses that, some of which, he was already
displaying signs and symptoms of. All in all, they painted a bleak past, and a
possibly bleaker future for him. Still, the trial had come to its end, with no
rock left unturned in Castiel’s past for all in the courtroom to see.
                Next came the human trafficking, a separate charge Zachariah
had been brought up on. The evidence was shown, Castiel’s testimony recorded,
and a second life sentence delivered. Three weeks after that first day, Cas
walked out of the courtroom for what he hoped would be the last time.
                The went home afterwards, exhausted and drained emotionally.
Castiel felt…better than expected, but still a far cry from good. He knew the
darkness inside would linger, the pain and negativity that had been dredged up
would not leave easily. But it was time to move on, and step by step he would
get to that better place in his life. He would get there with Dean.
                Gabriel, Anna, and Balthazar all came back with them, support
and love clearly shown. Gabriel owned their old house now. It took him less
than half a second to decide to sell it. Too many bad memories, too many ghosts
from a not-too-distant past lingered for any of them to feel comfortable there.
The three of them would be returning to New York, but would stay in Lawerence
for the next month. In the meantime, they would take
online_courses
 for the schoolwork they were missing and make it up over the summer. Gabriel
didn’t need to work while they were here, he had more than enough money saved
up by now. Still, they promised to visit often and call every day. Gabriel
legally became Castiel’s guardian, but signed over foster rights to the
Singer’s as well. So Cas would stay here, with Dean, at least until summer
started. After that, they all agreed to re-visit the topic of Castiel’s living
arrangements.
                As the long final day of the trial came to a close, Gabe,
Balth, and Anna returned to the motel while Dean and Cas headed up to bed. Dean
tucked in tight next to him, cradling the tired boy as they kissed goodnight.
Even with the storm inside him, Castiel felt good. Felt hope. Felt love and
happiness and belonging. He felt home. It was in the form of the family he had,
the family he had come to join. It was in the shape of Dean’s arms, in the
taste of his breath. It was the love in those green eyes and warmth of
freckled, tan skin. Castiel was home, and Dean would never let him go again.
So, for the first time since Cas could remember, he went to sleep with a smile
on his face and a peace in his heart. Yes, the road might be long and hard,
winding and treacherous as he strove to recover from his past. But the road
wouldn’t stop him, wouldn’t trip him or lead him astray. Because that road
would be nothing so long as Dean stood by him to face it. And for the first
time in a long time, Castiel dreamed. Not of pain or nightmares, but of soft
lips and green eyes and all that was right in his world. So Castiel dreamed of
happiness, and slept through the night with a smile on his lips and his love in
his arms. So Dean and Cas closed this chapter of pain and loss, heartbreak and
sorrow, and looked forward towards all that would come. So Dean and Cas took
the first step towards moving on.
 
                                    The End
 
 
Chapter End Notes
     Hello everyone! Just want to take a moment to thank all of you who
     have made it to the end of this tale. Now, I have spoken of a sequel
     in the past, and it is no doubt still in the works. However, there
     might be another delay in the continuation of this story due to a new
     inspiration that struck me recently. I will be working on that along
     with the sequel until they are both complete, so there could be a
     delay in the sequel due to the new story I will be working on. It
     will be called An Innocent's Restoration, so keep a look out! As
     always, comments are more than appreciated and I want to let you know
     that I most definitely take the time to read them all and reply as
     much as I can. I have a working outline for the sequel, but if there
     is anything anyone wants to see or see more of in the continuation
     feel free to share your ideas and I will see if they could be
     incorporated into the storyline. Again, thank you all for taking the
     time to read my work, it has been a wild and amazing ride thus far.
     Also, if anyone has any fictions of their own that they want me to
     read, feel free to send a link! Cheers!
End Notes
     Hope you enjoyed! I have not yet edited this work, am in the process
     of it whilst also working on the sequel/separate work. Let me know
     what you think!!! This is my first work, so I hope you all enjoy it
     and please bear with me as I am still learning the ins and outs of
     this site. Any errors you find please bring to my attention. Comments
     are welcome and appreciated, positive or negative, just let me know
     what you think! Thank you again and see my other works for the
     sequel, An Innocent's Restoration. Also, feel free to suggest any
     other works for me to read. Kamelot was a big help, listened to that
     band for the majority of the second half. Give them a listen if you
     like the more classic sounding rock (not actually classic rock, but
     embodies the sound well)!!!
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