Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13517640.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Voltron:_Legendary_Defender
  Relationship:
      Allura/Alfor, Allura/Lance_(Voltron), Alfor/Lance
  Character:
      Allura_(Voltron), Alfor_(Voltron), Lance_(Voltron)
  Additional Tags:
      Consensual_Incest, Parent/Child_Incest, Alien_Biology, Alien_Culture,
      Alien_Cultural_Differences, Memory_Magic, Allura_being_loved_in_every_way
      possible, ???_-_Freeform
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-01-29 Chapters: 1/3 Words: 1509
****** Always on Your Mind ******
by Kuro_(DarkestQuasar)
Summary
     Lance learns something about Allura's past that freaks him out. A
     lot. But the more he listens, the more he understands, and the more
     he tries to be as important as the most important person in her life.
Notes
     Tumblr Crosspost: Tumblr
Lance breathes in deeply. Once, twice, twenty times. Then he inwardly counts to
ten and wonders if he should even try to talk about this thing. This one,
stupid thing. He is happy the way they are now. Everything's great – for the
first time in a while, for the first time ever since they've been thrown into
this mess, into the whole intergalactic war between Zarkon and everybody else.
For the first time since they've been the chosen ones.
Everything is going fine. He has a very happy platonic relationship with his
lion, and a very happy romantic relationship with Allura. … but still.
He feels her gaze on his back, judging, questioning; that gaze that pierces
right through him, through his heart and soul. That gaze that nothing escapes.
He knows that she knows that there is something he hasn't told her yet. And she
knows that he knows that she knows … and so on. So he resumes counting, and as
he finally reaches ten his palms are sweating. Quickly, he wipes them on his
pants and turns around to gift her with one of his dazzling smiles. "Hey ... "
"There is something on your mind," she says without a moment of warning. Well.
She knows him too well. And she looks at him – just as he feared – with that
kind of gaze: brows raised a bit, blue eyes narrow and maybe judging, as if
she's discovered something that she's unsure whether to call dangerous or not,
whether it's a happy surprise or a bad one, arms not yet akimbo, but that is
just a matter of time. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"What? Oh, uhm, nothing?" It sounds wrong to his own ears, as if she's caught
him doing something forbidden. But thinking isn't forbidden, wondering himself
isn't illegal, and laws in space can't be compared to those on earth anyway,
right? … right? He sighs quietly and shakes his head."Listen, I ... we've known
each other for a while now."
"Yes."
"And you know that I love you."
Her face softens a little, a smile tugs on her lips. The corners of her mouth
twitch a little. "At least I hope so." She frowns then, her face serious,
worried. "It's about us, isn't it? Something is wrong ... "
"What? No! No, no, no!" Lance gesticulates wildly, making defensive movements
with his hands. "It's just that ... I mean ... " Well, okay, it can't really
get worse at this point, at most he absolutely embarrasses himself, but that's
nothing new and it would maybe make Allura stop looking at him like this, this
unsure of herself, of them, of everything. So, well, he should just spit it
out, right? Be a man, right? He sighs again. "We've done a lot of couple
things. I- I mean ... "
"The kissing?"
"And the hand holding. And the hugs. I- I like the hugs, don't get me wrong,
the hugs are great. It's just that I ... I wonder if we've reached third base
yet. I mean. The one where we do more than kiss and hug, and I can see that you
want to laugh at me, I can see it in your eyes, please don't laugh, that
wouldn't be nice." His voice grows more and more quiet with every word he says,
and he feels his shoulders sag a little, a giant weight suddenly placed on
them. Did he say something wrong? Something completely stupid? Crossed some
unwritten line, made fun of some Altean law nobody ever told him about? Aren't
they biologically compatible at all? Oh, that's it, right? Allura is different
from him, with different body parts and slots to have some tabs stuck in, or
maybe she has the tabs and Lance lacks the appropriate slots, and this is why
she thinks it's so funny that Lance wants … more
"Sex."
"What? I mean, yes, thank you, but ... wait, no I didn't mean. I ... "
Now she really is laughing, maybe even at him, but she's doing it the way he
fell in love with – holding her hand in front of her mouth to subdue some of
her giggles, while laugh lines form around her eyes. „Lance,“ she says the way
he fell in love with, too, and smiles warmly. "If you are too immature enough
to say the word 'sex', then maybe you are too immature to have it."
"I ... "
"So, Lance. Let's try it again. Do you want to have sex with me?"
Oh, wow. There it is. The multimillion GAC question. Should he say yes, he
might have to live with her being insulted if she doesn't want to take their
relationship that far yet. Or she might see him once more as the brainless
flirt that he was – no, that he is, because flirting is fun, and every girl is
pretty in her own way, every girl should be cherished in her own way – before
he fell head over heels in love with her. Should he say no, then … well, then
what? Will she be angry because she might fear he doesn't want her that way?
But he does. Want her. With every fibre of his being. As cheesy as it might
sound, as annoying as it is, but his heart always starts beating incredibly
fast whenever she is close to him, his mind is always a little clouded when she
looks at him. Like she does now, even though she seems to be confused and
impatient because she's still waiting for an answer. … oh. Yeah. Answer. He
completely forgot about that.
So Lance takes another deep breath and gathers up all of his courage:
"Yes. I want to. Have sex with you. I mean, only if you want to. If you're
ready. If you're not, that's totally fine with me. Like, this is our first
time, it needs to be great. I mean, it's my first time, and I want it to be
great, and I assume it's yours as well, so it needs to be double good." She
raises her brows and he stumbles over his words. "I-I mean, if it's not your
first time that's totally cool, either, I like experienced women, I mean, I'm
not judging, I'm just a little worried I can compete, because what if it's not
your first time and you're used to someone experienced, because I'm not and I
hope that's okay, because I want you to be happy and the sex thing to be great
and - why are you laughing? You're not laughing at me, are you? Please tell me
you aren't. Please."
"Lance. Lance, no. I'm not. I'm - please stop looking at me like that." She
extends a hand to gently place it on his shoulder, brushing over it and then
over the back of his neck, making him shiver in delight. "It's all right with
me. We are fine and will be fine. Does that sound all right for you?"
He hastily nods and smiles sheepishly, tilting his head a little to nuzzle his
cheek against her palm. "I'll do my best. I promise."
"I know. You always do."
Her eyes are gentle and her smile is loving, and that is all that counts. That
should be all. But Lance is a man, a young one, and his thoughts are racing
because he has noticed that she hasn't answered his question. Has she evaded it
or is there simply nothing to say at all? He had no idea, but he is a man and
obviously hates himself a lot, so he simply has to ask: "Is it going to be your
first time, too?"
He is scared of the answer, scared of having a rival – one or more –, but he is
very sure that, at least, it hasn't been anybody that he knows – and it can't
have been Keith and that is the most important thing. That, at least in this
situation, he's not just Keith's shadow, the one who follows his footsteps
without ever catching up to him. It has always been like this, he's only become
a fighter pilot because Keith has been kicked out, he's only become the Red
Paladin because Keith is even better now, even more important, but this single
thing is his and his alone –, it would have been someone she's known from back
then, from Altea. Ten thousand years ago. Someone who has been dead for a long
while … and that might even be worse, having a rivalry with a dead person,
someone her heart and mind will never be able to forget.
He really hopes she says no. Not because he doesn't her to have a comparison.
Not because he wants her to never have loved anybody else. She is wonderful and
deserves all the love the universe can give her. However, he is – as stated
before – simply fucking afraid.
So it just seems fitting for her to hesitate for a second and smile uneasily
before she says: "No. I have had sex before."
And because, sometimes, the universe is a giant piece of shit, she says then:
"Once. With my father."
 
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