Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/5849875. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: Other Fandom: Persona_4 Relationship: Adachi_Tohru/Seta_Souji, Adachi_Tohru/Narukami_Yu Additional Tags: Unhealthy_Relationships, Unrequited_Crush, Dubious_Consent, Blackmail, Public_Sex, Humiliation, Comeplay, Dirty_Talk, Vaginal_Sex, Genderfluid Character Stats: Published: 2016-01-29 Words: 5255 ****** All You Ever Wanted ****** by pennysparkle Summary It wouldn’t be fair to call what they had a relationship, really—not to Souji, and certainly not to Adachi. For one thing, he had a professional career at stake, or rather, that was his most common excuse whenever Souji tentatively brought up the mere idea of them maybe, possibly being something more. Or he’d mention just how severely Dojima would react if he found out. Or he’d act pitying, telling Souji that he deserved to date someone his own age, someone he could be happy with, but any assurances Souji gave that this would make him happy went unheard, and Adachi only drew deeper into his shroud of avoidance, squirming away so easily that it sometimes took hours for Souji to realize he hadn’t gotten a real answer. Notes for pixelfighter! See the end of the work for more notes It wouldn't be fair to call what they had a relationship, really—not to Souji, and certainlynot to Adachi. For one thing, he had a professional career at stake, or rather, that was his most common excuse whenever Souji tentatively brought up the mere idea of them maybe, possibly being something more. Or he'd mention just how severely Dojima would react if he found out. Or he'd act pitying, telling Souji that he deserved to date someone his own age, someone he could be happy with, but any assurances Souji gave that thiswould make him happy went unheard, and Adachi only drew deeper into his shroud of avoidance, squirming away so easily that it sometimes took hours for Souji to realize he hadn't gotten a real answer. He wasn't going to consider it no matter what, that was clear enough, and so Souji stayed firmly at arm's length. He tried not to feel miserable about it, but he couldn't morph his feelings into something more innocent and forgiving, even though he'd made so many efforts to look at anyone else the way he looked at Adachi. It'd certainly hurt less than glancing to him and finding him distant and disinterested, or being constantly rebuffed, or belittled. But there wasn't anyone else, and with each day that passed, Souji got deeper and deeper into something that he knew had no chance of turning out in his favor. All he could do was try and content himself with being what amounted to friends with benefits in the end, even though Adachi made sure he knew they absolutely weren'tfriends, and even though the benefits could sometimes be a little more like detriments. That wasn't to say it was all bad, really. Despite Adachi pushing him away in almost every other manner, when it came down to sex, Souji had never felt so wanted before. It was nice to be touched so excitedly, Adachi pushing his face into his neck while fucking him, groaning and clawing and seeming to go a little bit wild from his proximity. He just wished it wasn't such a clash between that and afterward, when Adachi turned him away abruptly, never allowing him to overstay his welcome. It was dangerous. Not just what they did together, but how Souji feltabout it. Being so effortlessly drawn in by him was only going to hurt in the end, and it was all the more frustrating because it had been easy to distance himself from people before. For now, at least, excitement and his own inability to cut this off weighed out over more rational decisions. Besides, the game they played—meeting up in secret, getting to see the inside of Adachi's apartment, lying in his bed and being kissed breathless, his thighs hiked up around Adachi's hips—was a fun one. And maybe part of him delighted in the almost entirely assured fact that Adachi didn't do this with anyone else. He was pretty lonely, that was clear enough; spent his evenings watching television and eating cup noodles, then went to sleep sometime in the early hours of the morning. Even when Souji was around, the most that they ever really got up to was Souji cooking him a nice homemade meal and then laying underneath him while Adachi rutted up into him. Again, not that it wasn't enjoyable. But it did seem like a sad existence, sometimes, and he felt almost guilty that he was happy to be the only one, because that meant that all of this was for them, and them alone. No one else had to be dragged into it—not his friends, not his uncle. Or at least not until Adachi decided he wanted to tease Souji about what would happen if they ever found out... if they could see just how much Souji wanted it. It was something he'd whisper into Souji's ear while thrusting into him, asking him how he thought Yosuke might look if he could see what they were doing right now. If he'd be disappointed. If he'd want it for himself. If it'd hurt him to know that his partnerwas something that belonged allto Adachi. He'd never ever get Souji for himself, and Adachi had the photographic evidence to prove him, obscene things of him sprawled over the bed, body opened up and willing for him. He kept those photos like a treasure, or maybe, if Souji was in a better mindset, like the blackmail it was meant to be. Because when Adachi whispered hot in his ear in those moments, he'd say things like, "You're mine, and if you ever think you aren't, I'll show them too. I bet they'd loveto know just how bad you want it from me. So you better not brush me off, okay, Souji-kun?" Souji would arch against Adachi and nod, a little uncomfortable when their secret time, tucked away from everyone and everything, was infringed upon, but pleased nonetheless that Adachi thought he was something worth possessing. It felt good in that same guilty way as knowing that he was the only one getting this from him. It was just that he didn't like to think about his friends when he was with Adachi, some level of shame at what he was doing combined with too much single- minded infatuation, and so he didn't. But the flipside of this was unfortunate in that he didthink about Adachi when he was with the investigation team, because he couldn't notthink about him. By this point it was an unspoken quirk that had developed inside of himself—hours could pass and pass, and he might be having the time of his life with his friends, but at some point, he'd start thinking about Adachi. It left an almost bitter ache in his chest, hating that he couldn't stop this, and knowing that he wasn't in any way integral to Adachi's day. He should have been happy that his friends wanted him around, and he felt selfish enough that he was always thinking about what it would be like if Adachi was the one that wanted him so badly instead. But that wasn't helpful; thinking it wouldn't make Adachi want him. All he could do was wait, and hope. Thus, even though by all accounts he should have been distracted with his friends, the sun high in the sky on a Saturday afternoon as they crowded around a table in the Junes food court, Souji was thinking of Adachi when he should have been concentrating on what they were saying. It was light enough conversation to get caught up in, slipping from school happenings to the investigation and back again; nothing Souji had to tune into too much if he didn't want to, but it still made him feel a bit guilty. It was his phone that startled him from his distractions instead of any of them, and he kept his eyes on the rest of the investigation team as he struggled to get it out of his pocket without attracting too much attention. Only then did his gaze drop to check the name on the screen—Adachi, and his heart buoyed into lightness in his chest for just a moment. All he could hope was that his face didn't betray him, except he could definitely feel a smile forming on it. He wasn't sure why, considering that all Adachi's text said was 'come over.' There was a part of Souji that never wanted to refuse anything like this. Even if he had plans, even if he was in the middle of something, he wanted to see Adachi so badly, and it was frustrating, because all there was to look forward to was sex. That, and a fleeting hour (if he was lucky) of being wanted, but only for something so specific. A few moments were spent deciding whether or not he'd give in. 'I'm with my friends right now. Can I come over later?' he eventually decided on, nervous. He'd never turned Adachi down before; it almost seemed, somehow, forbidden. 'C'monnn... help me out here.' Souji bit his lip, realizing that the world around him was dulling down to silence as he typed back. Even when he was with them, Adachi kept him so distracted, but it wasn't like he could ignorehim... 'I'm sorry. I think we're almost done—I'll try to leave as soon as possible.' 'What if I come to you? Don't try to pretend you don't want to get fucked. You were probably thinking of it already,' Adachi replied back. 'Or are you really trying to brush me off?' 'I'm not. I'm just really busy right now.' Or perhaps, the truth of the matter was that he was feeling guilty about always having to brush his friends off for Adachi's sake, and that theydeserved some of his attention for a change. Even if it was verging on barely there, at the moment. 'You're at Junes, right? I'll come there.' Souji exhaled softly. He was reallyintent on this, and a new situation presented itself in his mind soon after—that Adachi was going to want to do this in close proximity with his friends. They might hear, and that was absolutely not an option. They couldn't know, and not just because it was Adachi's neck on the line, but because this was their secret. 'I'm sorry, Adachi-san. You'll really have to wait.' With that, he resolutely pushed his phone back into his pocket and did his level best to tune into the conversation again. They were talking about some new kung-fu movie that was coming out, with Yosuke and Chie arguing over who was going to buy it and who was going to get to borrow it, and though Souji didn't have all that much input on the topic, he still tried to smile and seem present. When Kanji's phone beeped beside him a few minutes later, he was engrossed in the evolution of their argument, and didn't think all that much of it. And then, as his noises became more and more confused, Souji glanced over. On the screen was an innocuous enough photo—the seat of a car, leather and unoccupied. It probably meant nothing to any of them, but to Souji, it was entirely too familiar. He'd sat in that seat several times now, and once, most memorably, had been halfway in it as Adachi fucked him, gripping his thighs so tight that they would probably bruise. His face felt like it went white as a sheet, and he cleared his throat. "Do you know who sent it?" he asked, very carefully poised to be nonchalant. "Nah... unknown number," Kanji said with a sigh, putting his phone back in his pocket after a second. "Probably a misfire." But Souji knew it wasn't. His phone buzzed again in his pocket, and he took it out quickly, suddenly fearful that it was going to be something horrible. 'Changed your mind? I'm here now,' Adachi's text read. In his mind, Souji could see him smirking, self-assured with the knowledge that Souji was going to have to give in. And he would. He knew what that photo signified. There was more to it than the surface—that Adachi could send whatever he wanted to his friends. It was the realization of the kind of dirt Adachi had on him, and that he couldhave every intention of using it, if Souji didn't cooperate. 'I'll be there in a second,' Souji replied, only a little bit begrudgingly. For all the fuss about being with his friends, he didstill want to be around Adachi... And maybe it wouldn't be so bad if they were in public. At the very most, it'd probably only be a quickie—nothing as long and drawn-out as some of their nights together could be. He stood, making a quick excuse about having to use the restroom, and trailed into the store, glancing around nervously. It wasn't like anyone would know what he was up to, but for some reason it felt like it was bare on his face that he was about to go have sex with his uncle's coworker (who was much older, on top of that) in a bathroom at Junes. At least it was empty inside when he entered, although Adachi was quick to step out halfway from the last stall on the row and wave at him, a lecherous grin on his face that showed he obviously hadn't changed his mind about any of this. Souji could only hold his head high and step forward into the stall alongside him, Adachi's hand already coming to clasp his hip possessively. "Is this really the best place to do this, Adachi-san...?" he asked, back against the wall as Adachi's hands pressed excitedly over the skin at his waist, inching his shirt up as the seconds ticked by. "Huh? Why wouldn't it be?" Adachi replied, entirely too distracted. His fingers were warm but clumsy, pushing up the back of Souji's shirt almost ticklishly, and they settled at the edge of Souji's binder with a sense of finality. "Are you acting all nervous because your friends might find out?" There was something that changed in his smile. It was perverted as always, but there was a hint of something dangerous and dark, a challenge. And he knew perfectly well that he'd already nearly shown them something they were never, ever supposed to know about. Souji lifted his chin, defiant suddenly. "Don't be cruel, Adachi-san." "Hm?" His fingers were starting to push at the material of Souji's binder, but he was never any good at getting it off. Souji figured it was easier to pull his polo over his head and then carefully extract himself from the tight fabric than to let Adachi do it and get himself hurt. Still, there was some frisson of discomfort as he stood there moments later, newly topless, waiting for Adachi to make his move. And he did without hesitation, hands lifting from Souji's waist to cup his breasts inelegantly. By now Souji was fairly used to his lack of any mentionable seduction techniques; he just held his breath as Adachi's thumbs brushed over his nipples, then pinched down just enough to make him jump and for Adachi to grin at him a little too cruelly. "What do you think they'd think of you if they saw you like this? I bet your panties are soaked right now just at the thought of being caught with my dick stretching your cute little pussy open... how shameless." He was off in his own little world, murmuring dirty platitudes to Souji as he leaned in and sucked at the base of his neck, fingers moving down to press between Souji's thighs at the same time, rubbing him through the fabric of his pants. It made Souji's breath catch in his throat, head falling back a little until he remembered that he was up against a bathroom wall, but the friction of it was good, and his thighs squeezed down around his hand before he could decide whether he wanted to let them or not. "I bet some of them would be pretty jealous, huh? The way they look at you sometimes... man, it's like they never saw anybody else before you came around!" Adachi laughed, his fingertips insistent between Souji's legs, making his face turn brighter and brighter as he felt the bloom of warmth low in his stomach. And the part that Souji felt so nervous about wasn'tthat Adachi was teasing him and saying such shameful things to him, but that he must surely have been able to see it was the same way for Souji, too—that before Adachi, there was no one else, and now? He'd never been so terrified before, because every inch of him wanted Adachi, wanted to be by him, and he had to wonder why he'd had to fall in love with someone who never wanted him around for long. Adachi bit down against Souji's neck harshly, forcing a moan from him as his head thunked against the wall painfully. He knew what this was going to be: short and rough and barely just skirting enough into the territory of feeling good. This was about Adachi taking what he wanted, and he did so without a hint of remorse, his teeth fierce and unrelenting on the skin of Souji's neck, and then moving slowly down until he could bite at the paler, more delicate curve of his breast. Souji gasped out, pushing down against Adachi's hand between his thighs as he sucked at it, and it was starting to feel like less than he really needed, but if he begged for more, no doubt Adachi would just find reason to keep teasing him. "But look at you, Souji-kun... All you can think about is getting fucked by an older guy, huh?" Adachi asked. He was pressing himself against Souji now, his cock hard against his thigh through the fabric of both their pants. Disgracefully, satisfaction crawled through Souji, because this was a sign that Adachi wasn't going to be able hold off from this much longer, which meant that he'd be getting more without having to ask for it. Sure enough, Adachi's fingers were coming up to unbutton his pants. "It's not about that, Adachi-san," he sighed as Adachi pushed his pants down, his hand cupping his cunt again. Not enough pressure, or even enough of anything, but Adachi was speaking so quickly he couldn't have asked for more even if he wanted to humiliate himself. And this would have been the most humiliating admission of all—that it wasn't about what Adachi looked like or how old he was, but about how much Souji likedhim, how much he wanted from him in every single way. Adachi laughed, his thumb rubbing over the fabric of his underwear. "Cute panties... would have been better if you'd worn something more sexy, though." Souji glanced down, and he frowned a little to find that the panties he'd put on that morning had been printed with little fox faces. Heat creeped up over his face, but he couldn't focus on his embarrassment for very long when Adachi was taking out a pocket knife and unfolding it, then drawing the blade up his thigh. He remained as still as possible, not wanting to provoke him, or let it slip. It was cold enough to make him shiver minutely, and Adachi grinned at him, tucking the blade between his panties and his skin. "Don't look all scared. It's not like I'm going to cut you," he murmured against Souji's ear, drawing the blade up higher, and within a moment or two, there was the soft sound of fabric ripping apart. The panties fell away, revealing him all the further, and Souji could only look up at Adachi in disbelief. "Hey, I had to get them off somehow, right?" he asked, a little sheepish. Souji just sighed, then gasped as Adachi's fingers moved back to part his folds, slipping between to press against the wetness of his cunt. He felt too warm and achy, eager for Adachi to get on with it already, but he guessed the foreplay was important considering how little time this would last once they got to the main event. For now he rocked against Adachi's fingers, clinging to him and breathing out a soft moan. "They wouldn't be able to do anything like this to you," Adachi said, gripping hungrily at Souji's waist with his free hand. "You're so desperate from so little... do you think any of them could make you feel as good as I do?" Souji shook his head quickly, hoping that would encourage Adachi. Of course, it never really did, because he wasn't that lucky, and Adachi wasn't that kind. "C'mon, speak up. I wanna hear you tell me how much you're dying to have my dick." His eyes fell shut. He couldn't look him in the face and say that, at least not without Adachi having to makehim do it. On his own, it was just too much, but he spoke all the same. "I want it... I don't think about doing this with anybody but you, Adachi-san." "Hm..." Adachi's fingers crooked, pushed up inside of Souji suddenly and stretched him open, and it made him gasp and cling a little harder. "Yeah? You haven't thought about anybodyelse?" "No... Of course not." "What if that Hanamura kid came on to you? You wouldn't try it with him?" Souji shook his head. It was too hard to speak anymore. "Let me hear you say it. I want you to tell me allabout how you'd turn him down, how you'd tell him how disappointing and unsatisfying his dick would be compared to mine. Okay?" Souji didn't know if he could do it. Even that seemed somehow harsh—too much against Yosuke, especially when Souji was prettysure this was more about Adachi's ego than anything else. That, and whatever strange grudge Adachi seemed to hold against him. "You have to tell me, Souji-kun," Adachi hissed against his ear. He was so hard, twitching just a little, and Souji knew he was only holding back by sheer force of stubbornness. Whatever release he desired was nothing in comparison to how much he wanted to make Souji feel humiliated. "I wouldn't have to tell him any of that," Souji started, half an attempt to avoid saying anything that would have him feeling so debased. "All I'd have to say is that I'm yours." Adachi's eyes narrowed as he looked at him, and his fingers eased deeper into Souji, which didn't seem like a sign that he'd somehow screwed it up. "Yeah? You aremine, aren't you." It wasn't a question. It never was. Souji was expected to give himself up fully to Adachi, and in turn, Souji could feel that dark, desperate place inside of him fill up and overflow with the pleasure of being so wanted. If he wasn't a commodity, then Adachi wouldn't want him that badly, would he? But his hand gripped Souji's hip hard, digging in painfully, and he lined his cock up against Souji's cunt, rubbing the head against his clit to make him shudder all over before he finally pushed inside with every sense of greed imaginable. "This is all for me, right? Nobody else is ever gonna get to touch you like this," Adachi murmured against Souji's jaw as he shifted his hips up into Souji. Sometimes it was embarrassing, the way his body opened up to him so readily, just as eager to have him as Adachi was to take Souji. "Nobody's even going to get to seeyou like this—those pictures you take of yourself wearing slutty panties for me, andthe ones I take of you begging for me... Nobody's ever going to see them, heh. Unless Idecide to share them." Souji nodded his head, nails digging into Adachi's sides as he started thrusting into him. He was overflowing already with the greedy satisfaction of being wanted, each dark, creeping whisper against his ear about how he belonged to Adachi making him moan, his face heating up and his hands clinging desperately, demanding his own satisfaction even when it wasn't to come, or to have more or faster. Just to be wanted. Adachi grinned, harsh-edged as he pulled Souji down on his cock. "You're so wet for me all the time," he sighed. Souji just nodded again. As time went on, it got easier to flatter him, to say the things Adachi wanted him to say, because their version of give and take was so stunted at times that Souji felt like, in giving, he was really taking—feeding off the cruel pleasure Adachi exuded when he gave compliments, because in return he could take the sheer desperation of his grasping hands, his eager thrusts, all for himself. "Because... it feels really good with you, Adachi-san," he said, just so that he could watch like a hawk for that imperceptible twitch of desperation on Adachi's face, for his hips to slam harder into Souji. And it was true that he was wet enough for Adachi to fuck him with ease—enough that he almost felt embarrassed by the wet sounds of their bodies meeting, and above that, the practical din of Adachi's flesh clashing against his. Anyone who walked in right now was sure to know what was going on. "Yeah? You're pretty lucky to have me, huh? Dating some high schooler just isn't suitable for someone like you. You need somebody who can fuck you like Ican," Adachi told him, jerking up into Souji's body. As always, his thrusts were more excited and clumsy that anything with finesse. Still, it was endearing. Souji smiled at him, wrapping one thigh around his waist and pulling him closer, feeling the way his cock slipped incrementally further into him. The fullness of it almost verged on discomfort sometimes, and often, he found himself a little sore after their meetings. But despite it all, he liked that. Maybe he should have felt guilty for enjoying the marks it left behind, the stark bruises at the insides of his thighs, where Adachi's body had battered against his the night before, desperate to come inside the warm heat of Souji's pussy. Maybe it should have seemed somehow alarming that Adachi desired so much from him, but mostly, it was comforting. These were the only times where he thought he might not need more from Adachi than he felt like giving, the only times when everything seemed to go exactly right—though even in these cases, there was margin for error. Sometimes Adachi was angry, or else too cruel even for Souji to take. And those were cases he disliked thinking about, because he felt empty and alone after, not at all full with the richness of Adachi's desire. Thiswas good, so long as the words didn't dip toward too cruel, so long as Souji didn't feel scorned, so long as he felt powerful. His fingers came down, rubbing careful circles around his clit as Adachi kept fucking him, his face drawn and savage with closeness. He wouldn't be able to hold out long—he never did—but even after this, Souji doubted he'd be done. Before, he'd wanted to make this quick. Now, he was high on the sincerity of Adachi's need, and he arched his hips down, meeting his thrusts as best he could. "I'm gonna come in you and you're gonna have to go back to all of your friends with your pussy full of it," Adachi hissed, his nails dragging harshly over the skin of Souji's thighs. "You'll like that, right?" Souji nodded, embarrassed at the knowledge that it was true, but also at the point now that he didn't feel the urge to keep up the facade of being distanced. Adachi grinned. "That's filthy, Souji-kun..." he said, and in the span of a second, he was pushing up into Souji and filling him with come, enough of it that it had him panicking. He wouldn't be able to keep all of that inside, a statement that was further cemented when Adachi finished off and pulled out, a tiny amount trickling down the inside of his thighs. There was the click of a camera shutter, Adachi's phone already out and aimed at the place between Souji's legs, and he opened his mouth to retort, face hot and bright with embarrassment. "You're cute when you look like that," Adachi said darkly, not an apology, and he helped Souji get his pants pulled up and buttoned into place, but not until he'd tucked his panties into his own pocket. Spoils of war, it seemed. At any rate, Souji wasn't going to have that to protect him, and there was no use in protesting. Then there was a hand against the top of his head, urging him down to clean Adachi up, which he did distractedly. It was too hard not to focus on the come inside of him and the panic that it might be dripping down, staining his pants and letting everyone knowwhat had happened, but Adachi urged him on until he'd licked his cock clean. Only then did he draw back and tuck it into his trousers, straightening his jacket and tie (and as always, it didn't manage to keep him from looking incredibly disheveled). He grinned at Souji, ruffling his own hair and rubbing the back of his neck as he assessed him. "I'll see you later, Souji-kun. And don't think you can clean up after I'm gone. I'll know," Adachi said, a flare of sharpness in his eyes as he watched Souji try and shakily regather himself. With that, he left the stall, and the bathroom door swung shut seconds later. Souji was left alone in the silence, thankful at least that no one had interrupted him, and he moved forward to splash his face with water and to wash his hands before he left the bathroom too. "Hey, partner," Yosuke said almost immediately upon his return. "Feeling okay?" Souji nodded shakily, sitting down with some careful maneuvering. There was a plate of hamburger steak in front of him, steam no longer rising off its surface, and he noted that almost everyone else had eaten at least three quarters of their own meals. "Sorry. We ordered for you," said Chie, which at least clued him in on why there was steak, of all things. With an uneasy grin and a shake of the head, Souji picked up his fork. "It's okay. Thanks for looking out for me." He'd eaten one lukewarm bite when his phone chimed, and he got it out as he chewed. Adachi again. Figured. 'I wonder if you can keep from letting aaany of it out, Souji-kun ;)' Attached was a picture of his own body, thighs strained to hold himself up, Adachi's come just barely spilled against his cunt, already wet from him. And then, a second later, another picture of Adachi's hand wrapped around his cock, jerking himself off while Souji's panties were clutched in his other hand. Souji swallowed hard, his face burning hot as he snapped his phone closed so quickly and forcefully he thought it might have broken. For a few seconds, he'd managed to take his mind off of it, but now his legs pushed together almost automatically, and he bit his lip at the feeling of pressure on his clit. He hadn't even gotten to come himself, which wasn't anything new, but it wasfrustrating. He had a brief flash of himself back in the bathroom, two fingers buried inside his cunt, Adachi's come slipping out around them as he rubbed at his clit. But he couldn't do that; already he was on thin ice. 'Come by after you're done so I can check,' came another few seconds later. He wanted to play like that. He always did—but Souji was used to it by now. And besides, he didn't mind it; that picture was reminder enough that even if Souji never got to win, he could definitelyget some well-deserved revenge that night, perched on Adachi's lap and taking in every shift of his face as he made Adachi need him the way no one else could. End Notes tumblr! Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!