Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/891069.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      One_Direction_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Harry_Styles/Louis_Tomlinson
  Character:
      Harry_Styles, Louis_Tomlinson, Zayn_Malik, Niall_Horan, Liam_Payne
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe, Underage_Sex, One_Direction_are_kids, Drug_Use,
      Eating_Disorders, Orphans, Foster_Care, Condoms, yeah_I_need_a_condoms
      warning, one_commenter_said_they_stopped_reading_my_fic_because_I_used
      condoms, frank_discussion_of_anal_sex, Self-Harm, Childhood_Sweethearts
  Series:
      Part 3 of All_Together
  Collections:
      readfics_larry
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-07-20 Completed: 2013-08-15 Chapters: 14/14 Words: 69502
****** All Together 3 ******
by Geoffreyofmonmouth
Summary
     Sequel to All Together 1 & All Together 2. I do suggest reading these
     first, as the story will be somewhat obscure without knowledge of
     them.
     One Direction are kids in a foster home, except for Louis, who now
     lives with his dad. In Sheffield. Against his will. He and Harry no
     longer see each other every day. How do they cope with that?
***** Chapter 1 *****
Harry became resigned to the way things were. At first, he still saw Louis
every Sunday at the Sheffield skatepark, and once a fortnight he came over on
Saturday for lunch with Mum and the boys (he bought a pillow to swap with Harry
the first time, but refused to take Monkey from Harry). He soon stopped coming
to the Doncaster skatepark on Wednesdays, however. So did Adam. Louis had
arranged to go to Adam's house instead, as it was safer for both of them if
their drugs transaction wasn't public.
One day, before the end of the school year, he did come down to the skatepark
after visiting Adam's, without his skateboard, just to hang out, but there was
something off about him. He looked sleepy and happy. Happy Louis hadn't reared
his head in some time. He was also giggling at anything. He stripped his jacket
and shirt off and lay, bare-chested, on the embankment. Harry tried not to
drink him in. He didn't get to see Louis shirtless anymore. It used to be an
everyday thing. He was still slender, with very little muscle on him. Harry
loved him. He wished he was the sun, so he'd get to touch Louis. He missed
touching him desperately.
"The sun is so amazing," Louis announced, as the sun cast its late-afternoon
light over the embankment. "How it warms the earth. How it feeds us Vitamin D.
How plants fucking grow from it."
"It's still too cold to go shirtless," said Darren, flicking his nipple.
Louis jerked and giggled. "Nah, it's just right. Clothes suck. I feel like
getting right undressed."
"Well, don't; public indecency laws and all that."
"Take your shirt off," said Louis, sitting back up. "What are you afraid of?"
"My friend, you're talking all ditzy. It's too damn cold."
"I'll take my shirt off," said the ever-loyal Leo, reaching to pull his
windcheater over his head.
"Yes! One converted. Anyone else?" Louis smiled around the group, who had all
foregone the ramp in favour of hanging out with Louis.
"I'm man enough," declared Cameron, proceeding to take his own layers off. Zayn
joined in.
"Haz?"
Harry felt embarrassed. He'd shucked his jacket, but he was only a boy compared
to these growing youths. "I'm too weedy," he said.
"Come on! Get that shirt off! Man up!" Louis grabbed for him and began
wrestling Harry's t-shirt over his head. Harry was fairly powerless against a
taller and stronger Louis, especially when Leo decided to assist. He quickly
ended up shirtless. He sat, panting, as Louis gripped his bare shoulder,
throwing Harry's shirt over his head.
"Wanker," said Harry.
"You love it," said Louis, squeezing his shoulder, before leaving off and
dropping flat on his back onto the grass, propping his hands behind his head.
Harry and Leo flopped down either side of him.
"What now?" said Cameron.
"Lie back and enjoy the sun," said Louis.
"We should go over and chat up those birds over there."
"Nah, this is too nice. Get that sunshine into you, you pale Englishman!"
Harry, lying beside Louis, ventured closer. "You've just seen Adam, haven't
you?"
"So what?" Louis whispered back.
"Are you high?"
"Yeah, Haz. It's the best fucking feeling. Now settle down and enjoy."
It was nice, lying shirtless at the skatepark, next to Louis, with the sun's
remnants on his body. Harry closed his eyes. It was a little chilly, but the
chill contrasted with the warmth of the sun. The warmth of the sun also
contrasted with Louis' words. He was high. He'd just visited Adam. Adam had got
him high.
He turned back to whisper to Louis. Their heads were very close together. "What
did you take?" he asked.
"Smoked some pot. I've got a job now, I can buy my own."
"What do you want to smoke pot for? It can damage a developing brain. They told
us at school."
"So what?" said Louis into Harry's ear. "Like my brain matters."
"It matters to me."
Louis ignored his concerns. "You guys," he called, sitting up. "I've got a job
now. I start this Saturday. Working at McDonald's near the skatepark on
Saturday and Sunday lunchtime."
Several of the guys congratulated him. Darren was more worried, however, as was
Harry. "Sunday lunchtime? But that's when we come into Sheffield."
"You'll have to drop by the McDonald's while you're in."
"You doofus, we come in to see you at the skatepark. Aren't you going to be
there anymore?"
"Not if I'm working!" sang Louis.
"You idiot. Couldn't you get another shift?"
"The man who calls himself my father won't let me work weekdays. So it's
weekends only, I'm afraid."
"But when are we supposed to see you?"
"Come down to McDonald's. I can get you a discount," said Louis.
"Wanker," said Darren. "I hate McDonald's."
"Come on, everybody likes the apple pies."
"Glorified pop-tarts. The rest of it is inedible."
"Have a free coke," chortled Louis. "On me!"
"Lou, I don't want to get you into trouble."
"You won't. The manager said if I bring a group in, he'll give a ten percent
discount. I specifically asked him."
"How does that equate to a free coke?" asked Darren.
"If you come through my till, I'll give it to you. No one has to know."
"How come only Darren gets a free coke?" asked Cameron.
"I can't give everyone a freebie," said Louis. "Darren doesn't like McDonald's;
you guys do. Do you know we don't have knives in the store? The pickles come
pre-sliced."
"That means," said Zayn, "that you won't be coming over every second Saturday
for lunch, either."
"No, I won't."
"When are we going to see you, man?"
"You can see me on Sundays when you come out to the skatepark," said Louis.
"Just drop into McDonald's. Come in when it's quieter, around two. I'll take my
lunch when I see you."
"I'll come in and see you," said Leo.
"Me too," said Zayn.
"We'll all come," said Darren. "Why don't you come down here on Wednesdays
anymore?"
"Adam said he'd seen the police around a few weeks ago."
"Don't remember seeing any police. But don't you have drugs on you right now?"
"I missed you guys," said Louis. "I miss seeing you every day, after school."
"We miss you too," said Leo.
"I hate Sheffield. I'm a Doncaster lad."
"You'll always be a Donny lad to us," said Darren.
Louis touched Darren's skateboard. "Can I borrow your board? I want to go on
the ramp for a bit."
"Sure, mate."
Louis took Darren's board and went on the ramp. He was still shirtless. He
looked cool, Harry thought, in contrast to all the other fully dressed boys. He
just hoped there were no Council inspectors around. You could get into trouble
for going on the ramp less than fully clothed; they'd found that out the hard
way when they'd decided to have a shirtless day last summer. Louis had
protested that there were no warning signs about it, only a warning sign about
helmets, so now there were warning signs about the appropriate level of dress
to use the skatepark.
"He's taking dumb risks, as usual," said Cameron.
"I don't think he cares," said Zayn. "He sounds down."
"He's sounded down for the last couple of months."
"More down than usual."
"How can you tell?" said Darren. "He's high as a kite."
"That's what I'm talking about."
"He's high?" said Leo. "I hadn't noticed. I thought he was getting back to his
old self."
"The swearing is a clue," said Darren. "He doesn't normally swear. And the
giggling."
Harry just watched Louis on the ramp, outclassing everyone else, including the
older boys. He was such a natural, him and the skateboard moving together as
one. Being high didn't seem to affect his coordination. He stopped after a
while to talk to a group of older boys. Louis was well-known and popular at the
skatepark. Everyone called him Tommo. The boys teased him, pushing him about,
to which Louis responded with giggles. Harry wished it was real laughter, and
not drug-induced. He missed desperately the Louis of the past couple of years;
the funny, quick-witted practical joker. He wondered if he'd ever see that
Louis again, now that he was living with his father.
"I'm blasted cold," said Cameron, putting his clothes back on. Zayn followed
suit, but Harry and Leo left their shirts off. They didn't put them back on
again until Louis came back, handed Darren his board, and picked his shirt up,
followed by his jacket, pockets bulging.
"I'd better run," said Louis. "Don't want to be grounded again."
"I'll call you tonight," said Harry, after slipping his shirt over his head.
"You'd better." Louis ruffled his hair, hi-fived the others, and set off with a
jog across the skatepark to the road.
"Shit, I wish we could do something about his drug use," said Darren.
"I told him it was going to affect his growing brain," said Harry. "But he
doesn't care."
"Someone should put Adam out of business."
"You wouldn't," said Cameron. "It's the unwritten law of the skatepark, nobody
dobs anybody else in."
"Yeah, well, when it's screwing up my friend's life, unwritten laws go out the
window."
"Adam doesn't hang around here much anymore," Cameron pointed out. "You don't
even know where he lives. How are you going to dob him in?"
"I don't want to get Louis into trouble," said Darren. "I'll find out where he
lives, then tip off the police. Say what you want. I care about Louis here, not
Adam. Anyone know Adam's surname?"
"It's Smith," said Harry.
"Bloody brilliant."
"I'm with you," said Harry. "But he doesn't even go to our school. How are we
going to find out where he lives when his surname's Smith?"
"I'll phone every Smith in the directory," said Darren. "See if I don't."
***
It became a ritual, attending the McDonald's ten minutes away from the
Sheffield skatepark on a Sunday. Harry was so proud of seeing Louis behind the
counter in his uniform with his nametag on. He looked so grown up. As soon as
he saw them, Louis would call his manager over to authorise the discount and
another staff member would ring up their orders. Darren didn't get his free
coke; all the orders had to go through the second staff member. Louis always
took a lunchbreak then and joined them.
Darren, meanwhile, was phoning around four or five Smiths a night, trying to
get a lead on Adam Smith. He hit paydirt a couple of weeks later, towards the
end of the school year, phoning a man who said he was an uncle of Adam's. From
him, Darren got Adam's address and phone number. He phoned the number just to
make sure it was Adam's. When Adam came on the line, he hung up.
Darren told them about it the next day, a Sunday. They were all hanging out at
the Sheffield skatepark.
"So you found him," said Harry.
"Sure did. I won't phone the police today; it's a Sunday," said Darren.
"Tommorrow, though."
"We'll have to warn Louis."
"Why? I don't want him to know I was involved with this."
"Because he might go to Adam's on the day when the police come," Harry pointed
out.
"Shit, yeah. Hadn't thought of that."
"He's not gonna be happy," said Cameron.
"Don't worry, Cameron, I'll say none of you guys had anything to do with this.
I'll say it's all my own initiative."
"You can count me in with you," said Harry. "I don't care if Louis gets mad at
me; I don't want him doing drugs, or being a drug dealer."
"All right," said Darren. "The two of us, then. Anyone else on our side?"
"I am," said Zayn. "I don't want him doing drugs, either."
"Leo?"
"I don't want him to be mad at me," admitted Leo.
"He's one of your best mates, right? It's about what's best for him, not what's
best for you."
"When you put it that way," said Leo, "I'm in."
"Cameron? Mark?"
"I support you, Darren," said Cameron, "but I also support Louis. How's he
going to skateboard during the week, if you take his means away from him? Those
Sixth Formers sound like assholes."
"Cameron, he could go to juvenile prison," said Darren. I don't want that
happening."
"What else has he got but skateboarding?"
"Didn't you hear me, Cameron? He could go to prison. This is not just some
lark. This is serious business."
"I just don't think you should be dobbing Adam in," argued Cameron.
"Well, you need to decide what side you're on," said Darren. "Because it's two
o'clock and we're going down to see him right now."
Cameron, along with Mark, looked troubled. They looked at each other, as if
wanting to have a discussion, but there was no privacy for that.
Darren stood up, flipping his skateboard into his hand, and the others followed
suit. "Let's go," he said, starting off towards the road that would take them
to McDonald's.
They went, a divided group. Cameron and Mark still looked conflicted. So did
Leo, for that matter. Leo didn't want to alientate his hero, Harry knew, but he
couldn't stand to see Louis hurt. They made their way in relative silence to
McDonald's.
Once there, they saw Louis behind a till, and lined up accordingly. After he
finished filling the orders of the people in front of them, Louis looked up,
happy to see them.
"I'll just get the manager," he said, and disappeared, to return with the
manager.
"Hello, boys," said the manager, used to them by now. "I'll ring up your
orders. What will you have?"
Most of them ordered a burger and fries, with Darren ordering just a coke. The
manager gave them a ten percent discount, and there were smiles all round as
they sat down at a group of tables.
"So pleased to see you guys," said Louis as he sat. "You're the highlight of my
week."
"Yeah?" said Cameron. "Darren's got something to tell you."
Louis looked enquiringly across the table at Darren. He was eating a
cheeseburger and fries, Harry noted. Louis got his food for free.
"Louis, stay away from Adam," said Darren.
"You know I'm not going to," said Louis.
"I'm going to report him to the police."
"What?"
"You heard me," said Darren. "I'm reporting him to the police."
Louis looked pissed. "Thanks for the warning. The cops won't find anything."
"Lou, this is in your own best interests. You could go to juvenile prison for
what you're doing."
"What else am I supposed to do!" exclaimed Louis. "I tell you, these Sixth
Formers control the skatepark. I can't go on the ramp without their approval."
"Someone needs to take those guys down, but that's not the topic of disussion,"
said Darren. "The topic is your drug dealing."
"I'm not a drug dealer. I don't make any money."
"The cops won't see it that way. You're a distributor, man."
"I'm on Darren's side," said Harry.
"Me too," said Zayn.
"Me three," said Leo, obviously having overcome his conflicts.
"You're all on Darren's side?" asked Louis disbelievingly.
"Well..." said Mark.
"I just want you to be happy," said Cameron.
"Lads, keeping the status quo will keep me happy,"said Louis. I'll be able to
skateboard every day, if you don't dob Adam in."
Darren shook his head. "I'm warning you, Louis, I'm doing it."
"And I'm warning you. I'll be straight on the phone to Adam as soon as this
meeting finishes, and I'll tell him to get rid of all his drugs."
"Louis, why can't you see what I'm doing is in your best interests?"
"I'm stuck in Sheffield. Anything that keeps me stuck at my father's house is
not in my best interests."
"Let him buy you an Xbox," said Darren.
"No. I'd rather skateboard than play Xbox any day."
"These guys, these Sixth Formers, must know you by now. If your supply gets cut
off, surely they'd understand."
"You just don't know what it's like," said Louis. "I'm not kidding when I say
they control the park."
"How come they don't come down during Sunday?" asked Darren.
"They've got girlfriends, tennis to play, study to do. Look, dob Adam in all
you like. The cops won't find anything. I'll make sure of that."
"We're worried about you," said Darren. "Can't you see that?"
"Worried about what?" exclaimed Louis.
Since Darren seemed to be flapping his mouth in consternation, Leo piped up.
"We're worried about your drug use."
"Why?"
"Because we care about you."
"My drug use isn't a big deal," said Louis. "Maybe three or four times a week
I'll escape to the local park to smoke. No big deal."
"Lou, you're compromising your mental health," said Darren.
"Says who? Some dumb teachers at school?"
"Yeah. They say marijuana affects a developing brain, which is what you've
got."
"Fuck the teachers," said Louis. "They're not living my life."
"Lou, I'm dobbing Adam in, no matter what you say," said Darren.
"That'll completely screw everything up!" said Louis, rising to his feet all of
a sudden.
"I'm sorry, Louis, but it's what I have to do."
Louis and Darren glared at each other for a long time. Finally, Louis sat back
in his seat. "You just don't know what you're doing," Louis said.
"I do. Tell you what, tomorrow after school I'm coming down here. I'm going to
talk to these guys."
"Darren, don't. You're only fifteen. They're not going to listen to you."
"I look older than fifteen." Darren had begun filling out compared to the other
boys, pulling weights as a hobby and he was also the tallest. He looked like
someone you didn't want to mess with.
"You'll embarrass me," said Louis.
"Fine, I won't talk to them. I just want to see what goes on."
"I'll come too," said Harry.
"No, Harry. I don't want them to ridicule you. And they will, just because
you're little. That goes for you too, Zayn," said Louis.
"I'll come," said Leo.
"If you guys all come as a gang, they'll see you as a threat and definitely
won't ever let me on when I'm not supplying them."
"Just me, then," said Darren. "I won't talk to them, I'll just observe."
"Will you wait until then to make your decision about Adam?"
"All right," Darren conceeded. "But I don't think anything's going to change my
mind."
Louis, having finished eating, stood up. "Normally I'd say it's good to see you
lads, but under the circumstances..."
"You're not going back to work again already?" asked Leo.
"Might as well. Don't feel like hanging out anymore." He bundled up his rubbish
to throw in the bin, and everyone said goodbye a little wistfully.
Afterwards, Cameron turned to Darren. "Look what you've done. You've made him
depressed. He doesn't even want to talk to us."
"Short term pain, long term gain," said Darren stubbornly.
Louis didn't appear behind the counter again. He still had more than ten
minutes left on his lunch break. He must be hanging out in the work area, Harry
thought. Was Darren right? But he had to be.
***
On Tuesday at school, Harry went to find Darren. He knew where the
skateboarders hung out; at a small covered area that lay at the top of some
steps. They were forbidden to sit on the steps, but the covered area was quite
decent in size for a landing, so they congregated there, sitting on a brick
wall at the side.
"Hey, Harry!" called Leo, spotting him. He was sitting on the brick wall beside
Darren. Cameron and Mark were halfway down the stairs swearing at some other
kid.
"Harry," said Darren. "What's up?"
Harry sat down beside him on the wall. "I was wondering what happened yesterday
afternoon when you went to the Sheffield skatepark. You did go, right?"
"Sure I went. I said I was going to," said Darren. "You know how on Sundays you
get all types, from the mamma's boys to the hoods; well, after school it's
different. Louis' not kidding; these bunch of eighteen year old public school
boys control the ramp. They've got everyone intimidated; I don't know how,
because they're a wimpy bunch. I could take out any one of them, one on one."
"Did they let you skateboard?" asked Harry.
"I didn't ask. I kept away from Louis, too, by mutual agreement. I just wanted
to see how things operate. Louis' one of the youngest they let on the ramp.
Everyone else has to use the kiddie area. It seems Louis' not the only one
paying them favours, too. They've got kids actually paying cash to use the
ramp. They're like a mini-mafia. No one is organised enough to mess with them.
I told Louis he should team up with some of the other boys, challenge them. He
doesn't want to. He doesn't like politics; he just wants to skate. I got an
inkling that they like Louis; who doesn't? I reckon he'll be okay if he dries
up the drugs supply. Anyone can see Louis is one of the best boarders. The
Sixth Formers would do well to stay in with him, not the other way around. But
it's a bitchy situation. I don't like it at all. Thank god I live in Donny."
"So you reckon that, even if you dob Adam in, they'll still let him
skateboard?"
"Like I said," said Darren, "they'd be stupid not to. Louis being on their side
gives them power. All the best skateboarders grovel to them. They wouldn't want
to tick Louis off, if only I could persuade him to take them on. But he won't.
Like I said, he doesn't like politics."
"What are you going to do about Adam?" asked Harry.
"I'm dobbing him in. I told Louis I was going to, too. After school today.
Louis tried to persuade me to wait until tomorrow, so he could get a last load
off Adam, but I won't. If he stood up for himself, Louis would be fine. These
guys aren't as strong as they pretend to be."
Cameron and Mark came back after their altercation.
"Hey, Harry," said Cameron, "how come you're up this way?"
"I wanted to find out about Louis," said Harry.
"Don't you talk to him on the phone every night?"
"Yeah, but I needed to hear Darren's perspective on things."
"Darren says he'll be all right without Adam's drugs."
"We've just got to get Louis to believe that," said Leo. "What if Darren dobs
Adam in, and he just goes and gets his drugs elsewhere?"
"I'll try to take whoever it is down," said Darren. "I've warned Louis the
same, too."
"Why don't you call the cops now?" asked Cameron. "God knows they'll take days
to move their arses, and meanwhile Louis is warning the scumbag."
"I'm going to get my dad to call," said Darren. "Just so it'll be taken
seriously. Even if Adam's ditched all his drugs, he'll still get a scare
that'll make him think twice."
Harry hoped so.
***
The cops didn't sit on their arses. They raided Adam's house the next day.
Unfortunately, Louis was there, hoping to get a last load of drugs before his
supply dried up. Louis had warned Adam on Monday night; but Adam was arrogant;
he'd told Louis to come on over the next day, before the police got there. Adam
thought he'd hidden the drugs in a safe enough place from the police. But the
police searched every inch of the property, including the back shed where Adam
had stored his goods.
Harry was hearing all this from Louis, who he had called Wednesday night as
usual.
"I've only just got home," Louis whispered. He was whispering because as usual
he didn't want his dad to hear he was on the phone.
"You were at the police station all this time?"
"Yeah. They had to wait to interview me until a parent arrived. The man who
calls himself my father didn't come down until after he'd finished work. He was
right angry at me for hanging out with drug dealers. He doesn't know I was a
part of it. He thinks I was just over there at the time, because that's all the
police have on me."
"So you weren't arrested?"
"No, I was arrested, but I wasn't charged in the end. They let me go."
Harry sighed with relief. "So you're not in trouble with the police."
"Not this time," said Louis.
Harry squirmed into a more comfortable position on his bed. "Adam had the drugs
hidden in his parents' shed?"
"Yeah. If I'd known that I'd have told him how dumb he was. He assured me it
was a safe place, wouldn't tell me where. The back shed. What an idiot."
"So what happens to Adam?"
"The cops couldn't formally say. Informally, they told Adam's parents, it was a
first offence, but the sheer quantity of drugs didn't bode well for him staying
out of juvenile prison."
"What will you do now?" whispered Harry, scared of the answer.
Louis sighed. "I'll see how it goes. I'll tell the Sixth Formers my supplier
was arrested. I'll see what they say."
"Darren says they like you. Darren says they'd let you stay on the ramp."
"Darren doesn't live here, doesn't know these guys like I do. Once they've got
their hook into you, they're reluctant to let it go."
"Darren told me how they had kids paying them off," said Harry.
"It's a good deal for them. Why would they change it?"
"You could band together with some of the other skateboarders, says Darren."
"It's not an ideal world, Harry, where sheer weight of numbers will cause a
power shift,"said Louis. "Most of the guys are too cowed to do anything, they
just put up with it. I tell you what, Sunday is my most favourite day of the
week. You guys, and no Sixth Formers to deal with."
"So you're not mad at Darren?"
"Of course I'm mad at him, interfering twat. But he's my mate; I'll get over
it. I'll get another supplier too, see if I don't."
"Louis, I don't want you to get into trouble."
"Don't you get it, Harry?" said Louis, sounding impatient. "I've got nothing to
lose. Being locked up in prison would be just the same as being shut up with my
dad and no skatepark to go to. It's a risk I'll take, again and again."
"Can't you come to Doncaster more often? I know it's a long trip, and
everything-"
"Too right it's a long trip, and I only get to stay a little over an hour. It's
not worth it. Honestly, Harry, I won't get caught. The Council workers, when
they come down to the park, are obvious. I won't do any transacting in front of
them."
"Make sure you see if the Sixth Formers will let you on the ramp without
drugs," begged Harry.
"I've got a week's grace. I'm telling them next week that my supplier was
arrested, at the time when they'd expect the next load off me. We'll see what
happens... Harry, my dad."
The connection was abruptly cut off. Harry sighed in frustration, knowing he
wouldn't get to talk to Louis further that night. He got up and put the phone
back in the hallway, then went back to bed again. Thank god Louis was saved
from being charged. Harry didn't care what happened to Adam, as long as Louis
was okay. But Louis had said he'd just find another supplier. How? If they were
that easy to find, surely the Sixth Formers would have found a supplier for
themselves, without needing Louis. Unless they were paid by other kids with
drugs, too, and were some sort of cartel.
Well, at least Louis wouldn't be smoking any pot for a while. Harry was happy
about that. He didn't want Louis to end up brain-damaged.
***
Harry had to be content with seeing Louis every Sunday for half an hour, and
speaking to him on the phone every night. Fortunately his dad hadn't grounded
Louis over the enounter with the police. Then it was the end of the school
year, with exams and everything. Mum expected them to be studying, and Harry
couldn't lie to her, so he stayed home during the afternoons, doing schoolwork.
William wasn't happy. He phoned Harry up continuously, trying to get him to
come over.
"We can study together," William said.
"You know we wouldn't get any study done."
"I can't help it, Harry, I'm so horny for you."
"Can't you just have a circle jerk with some of the lads?"
"It's not the same," said William. "Not the same at all. I need you, Harry.
We're each other's secret."
"I can't," said Harry. "I've got to study."
"I can come over to yours."
"There's no privacy here. We wouldn't be able to do anything."
"Goddamnit, Harry!" said William. "I miss you so much."
"I'm sorry," said Harry, "but you'll have to keep missing me until after school
finishes. I owe it to my mum to get the best results possible."
"I wish my parents care. Oh, they care if I get bad grades, but if I get good
grades, well, that's just expected. I don't get any kind of praise."
Harry thought William's parents were pricks, and not for the first time. He
said, "I'm sorry, William. I just can't."
"Shit," said William. "I need more pornos. Thanks anyway, Harry. See you in the
holidays, yeah? You won't have an excuse then?"
"Not unless I'm doing something with my mates."
"I'm your mate, too. Don't forget me."
"I won't," said Harry. "I'm just busy."
"Yeah, well, I'll try to study, too. I'm just so horny, I can't get much done."
"I'm sorry, William," said Harry, knowing it was a real problem for William. He
hung up, trying not to feel guilty. They might be secret boyfriends, but Harry
had always had the final word on what they did and didn't do.
***** Chapter 2 *****
School had just broken up, when Mum announced the good news to the boys. "Zayn,
Liam, your adoptions are still pending, but Harry and Niall, yours have gone
through!"
"Yes!" Harry and Niall hi-fived each other before running up to Mum and hugging
her.
"Hooray!" shouted Niall, hugging Mum vigorously. "Hey, isn't this great news?"
There was silence. Harry left off hugging Mum to look at Liam and Zayn. They
weren't looking too happy. "Sorry, guys."
"No, it's okay," said Liam, with a forced smile. "It's good news, you should be
celebrating."
"Liam, Zayn, I'm still pushing forward with your adoptions,"said Mum. "I'm sure
they'll be approved, it's just a little more complicated than with Harry and
Niall."
"If it took Harry and Niall, with no parents, this long, imagine how long it'll
take us," said Zayn pessimistically.
"I promise you, Zayn," said Mum. "With everything I know, it shouldn't take you
and Liam too much longer. Your parents have signed the papers."
"That's not the only obstacle, though, is it?"
"No, but it's the biggest one. There's really no reason for them not to approve
the adoption, they've just go to get around to it."
"I really am pleased for you guys," said Liam, putting his best happy face on
as he addressed Niall and Harry. "I guess you're officially brothers, now."
Harry and Niall looked at one another. Liam was right. They were offical
brothers. "Yeah, bro!" said Niall, hugging Harry. Harry hugged him strongly
back. It would be one of the happiest days of his life, if it wasn't for Liam
and Zayn hanging in limbo still.
"I hope you're making a cake," said Liam to Mum.
"Are you sure? I don't want you boys to be left out," said Mum.
"No, we won't feel left out," Zayn assured her.
"Okay, then." Mum looked pleased. She loved to cook. "I'll bake a cake."
As if by unwritten code, all the boys went out to the couches; Liam, Niall and
Zayn as usual sitting on the main couch, Harry sitting on the one off to the
side.
"Congratulations, you guys," said Liam.
"Mum said your parents had signed the forms. So they can't be waiting on much
else," Niall said to Zayn and Liam.
Zayn didn't speak.
"I'm optimistic," said Liam.
"You should be," said Niall. "I can't see it being a problem."
"I can," said Zayn. "The courts sent Louis back to his dad; who knows what
they'll do to us?"
"That was different. That was a court. We're not going through a court, we're
just going through adoption."
"I don't trust them. I'm worried they'll send me back to my parents," said
Zayn. "Just like Louis got sent back to his dad."
"Yes, well, I can't understand that,"said Liam, "but he never signed any
adoption forms over. Yours and my parents have, however. I swear, Zayn, it's
only a matter of time until we're adopted, too."
"I agree with Liam," said Niall. "Your parents aren't standing in the way. It's
only a bit more red tape to go through."
Everyone looked to Zayn. He looked perturbed. "What if it doesn't pan out?" he
whispered. "I won't have a home anywhere."
"Zayn," said Liam. "You have to have faith. I know it sucks, but, faith that
your parents don't want you. Faith that Mum does. It'll come through for all of
us, I know it will."
"I'm sorry for being such a downer," said Zayn, to Niall and Harry. "Really,
honestly, congratulations, you guys."
"It doesn't mean that much if you can't join in," said Niall.
"Yeah, the real celebration will come when you two get adopted, too," said
Harry.
Zayn stood up abruptly, and hugged first Niall then Harry. "Congratulations,"
he repeated. "Don't worry about me. I'm just being... I dunno."
"I get it, man, don't worry," said Niall.
***
When Louis told the Sixth Formers his supplier had been arrested, they gave him
until the end of the school holidays to find another supplier. Louis wasn't in
a rush. Finally it was the summer holidays, and Louis could come over to the
Doncaster skatepark and have plenty of time to spend with the lads.
"Generous of them," said Darren sarcastically. "Given that they're not even in
charge during the holidays." The Sheffield skatepark was overrun by university
students in the holidays, who didn't interfere with the other skateboarders, so
it was more of a free-for-all.
There was quite a group of them at the Doncaster skatepark that day. Niall and
Liam had come down to hang out, as had William, who was clinging to Harry these
holidays.
It was the first time Louis had formally met William. He stared at him, said,
"You're William," and continued to gaze at him piercingly. William had
squirmed. "That Louis doesn't like me," he confided to Harry.
"He knows about us," admitted Harry.
"What? Harry, we promised each other."
"He knew about us ever since the circle jerk, before we made any promises. He's
my brother and closest friend; he'd never tell anybody. He doesn't want to see
me hurt."
"You're more likely to hurt me," said William.
"Why would I hurt you?" said Harry.
"It'll happen one day, I know it," muttered William.
Harry didn't get a chance to quiz William on the subject at the time, as Niall
interrupted them. And afterwards it was too awkward to talk about.
William seemed happy enough hanging out with Niall and Liam, who he knew to
talk to, while Harry went down to the ramp with Louis and a couple of the
others. Harry hung around to talk with some of the regulars down at the ramp
while Louis and the others went skateboarding. The regulars were all older than
him but Harry had been accepted as part of the skateboarding community for a
long time.
"Uh, oh, Council workers," said one of the boys.
Harry looked across. Sure enough, there was two overweight gentleman in dress
pants with IDs pinned to their chests, wandering along the embankment, looking
about at everyone. Harry checked himself. Yes, he was wearing the appropriate
clothes and helmet. As for the other boys, well, except for Louis & Zayn, they
were wearing shorts, which wasn't allowed. They were going to get into trouble.
Harry went and stood in front of Darren's and Leo's markers and shouted,
"Council!" at them when they crested the ramp. Leo stopped abruptly but Darren
kept going.
"Shit. Fucking Council, nothing better to do," groused Leo. "Darren's an idiot.
I'm going to put my board up with your bros, if that's okay?"
"Sure. They'll look after it," said Harry. He took Leo's place on the ramp,
dashing down, swooping into the turns. Harry loved to be on the ramp, even if
it was a kiddie ramp like this one. Sheffield's ramp was better, but Doncaster
had the better atmosphere.
He saw, out of the corner of his eye, the Council workers make their way to the
ramp. They were obviously going to target boys breaking the rules on the ramp.
Darren was going to get into trouble.
Sure enough, the Council workers tried to stop Darren. "You, boy. Stop!" said
one of the workers, as Darren crested the ramp in front of them. Meanwhile they
were getting heckled by the crowd gathered around.
Darren went through one more routine before he landed up beside the council
workers. Harry had stopped by this time, to lend support, if necessary. "What
do you want?" said Darren.
"You're not allowed on the ramp. You're dressed inappropriately."
"What's inappropriate?"
"The signs clearly say long trousers must be worn. You're only wearing shorts."
"You're kidding me," sid Darren.
"We know you," said the Council worker. "You're Darren Barlow. Don't pretend to
us you don't know the rules. Now stay off the equipment, or we'll be forced to
fine you. This is the last warning you get from us. You're a serial offender
and we know it."
"Hope you're having fun, ruining people's days," said Darren, stomping off.
Harry went back onto the ramp, as the Council workers picked up other kids.
They didn't seem to be fining anybody but a message was clearly being sent;
next time, they would.
After a while, Harry kicked up his board and wandered back up the embankment to
where their group hung out. The boys wearing shorts were all sitting folornly
on the bank.
"Bloody Council. Exist to ruin our fun," groused Cameron.
"Did you get warned?" Harry asked him.
"Yeah. Scum sucking pigs. Now what are we going to do all afternoon?"
"My afternoon's wrecked for sure," agreed Darren. "I was just about to have
lunch, too."
"You could all come over my place for pizza and pornos," said William.
They all stared at him, a Year Eight suggesting such things to Year Tens.
"Honestly," said William. "Nobody's home, we'll get all the privacy we want.
And free pizza; I'll pay."
"I've never seen a porno," said Leo. "What are they like?"
"Come over and find out."
Harry shook his head. William must really be desperate, if he was willing to
pay for everyone's pizza.
Louis said, "Harry, Niall, Liam, Zayn, you're out of this conversation."
Harry didn't protest; yet. He wanted to see what would happen.
"But I've never seen a porno, either," said Niall.
"You're not going to. You're too young."
"I want to see a porno," said Mark.
"You would," said Darren.
"What about you, Darren?" asked Cameron.
"I've seen a porno before."
"And you don't want to see another one?"
"Well... it could get uncomfortable, with so many guys there," said Darren,
looking embarrassed.
"No one's going to judge you," said William. "Not at my house, they won't.
We'll have pizza, fool around in the pool, watch some porn. It'll be fun."
The guys were all intrerested, Harry could tell. So what if William was some
upstart Year Eight? He was coming up with an offer too good to refuse.
"Who's in?" said Darren.
Everyone raised their hands. Louis scowled. "I told you, Liam, Niall, Harry,
Zayn, you're not in on this."
"Let them come over for pizza and a turn in the pool at least?" said William.
"Fine, William," said Louis. "We'll come over for pizza and your pool. The
porno is off-topic for now."
William jumped up. "My house is just a ten minute walk away. You'll love the
pool; it's big for a backyard pool. Specially designed."
"It is big," agreed Harry.
"That's settled, then," said Cameron, also standing up.
The others followed suit. "We're coming," Niall told Louis firmly. "Right,
lads?"
Zayn and Liam nodded agreement.
"Fine, but when I tell you to go, you go," Louis told them.
They grumbled but Harry knew they'd obey; they respected Louis so much. Liam
and Niall didn't know about the drugs situation, and Zayn respected Louis
despite the drugs situation.
William ordered pizza as they began to walk to his place. "Less than half an
hour, guys," he said, ending the call. They walked down a couple of streets, to
an obviously rich area. William took the opportunity of the walk to whisper in
Harry's ear. "You're hot on that skateboard. My skateboarder boy."
"Don't be daft, William."
"You're sexy. So sexy."
"You can't do anything about it. Not while the other lads are over."
"I promise, I'll leave you alone," said William. "We're just going to watch
pornos. I won't even look at you."
They got to William's house, its imposing four levels blending in with the
neighbours.
"Wow, you live in a nice place," said Darren.
"I guess," said William, tearing himself away from Harry.
"You guess? You've got it made."
"It's my parents who've got it made, not me."
"Are they going to kick you out?"
"They might. When I finish university."
"Until then, you've got it made, I tell you."
"Come and see the pool," said William, going around the side of the house and
beckoning the others to follow him. They all followed him, to come upon the
pool. It was large, as William had said, for a backyard pool, and a beautiful
azure colour.
"Wow," said several of the lads.
"But we don't have bathers," said Zayn.
"Who cares? I'm going in in my underwear," said Darren, stripping off.
The others all began to follow suit. Zayn shrugged and joined in. Harry
couldn't help but watch Louis. He'd seen Louis in his underwear countless times
before, of course; they'd shared a room, after all. He'd even seen him naked.
But the first thing Harry could tell was that Louis had grown. His white boxer-
briefs had a definite bulge in them, larger than when Harry saw him last. Harry
looked away. It wouldn't do to get horny now. He stripped down to his own
underwear, boxer-briefs, too, and went over to the pool.
William followed him. "Harry, I want to touch you."
"You can't."
"I know. But I thought I'd let you know." William abruptly dived off the edge
into the pool. He hadn't bothered to change into bathers but was just wearing
his underwear like everyone else. "Keep an ear out for the doorbell!" he called
to the others. "We don't want to miss our pizza."
One by one the boys entered the pool, until they were all swimming about in the
sun, enjoying the water. Then the doorbell rang, several of them hollered for
William, and William went to get the pizzas. He brought them in a stack out the
back, putting them down on the patio table. "Come on," he called. "Free for
all."
They all darted out of the pool and went for the pizza. That was when Harry
noticed Louis' white boxer-briefs had gone see-though. He could see the outline
of Louis' dick over his balls, the dark splay of Louis' pubic hair. He felt
himself beginning to harden, and looked away. It wouldn't do, to get a boner.
He purposefully stayed away from Louis. Cameron was wearing white boxer-briefs,
too, but Cameron didn't make him get a hard-on.
They lounged in the chairs by the table; spilled out onto the patio. After the
pizza was finished, they got back into the pool again. William had several
inflatable lounges, and several boys hung out on them. Meanwhile, a tennis ball
was being tossed about amongst the rest. Harry clung to Louis, albeit trying to
avoid looking at him. He couldn't help glances, though. The way his collarbones
stood out against his chest, his nipples, the hairs growing under his armpits,
all made him feel weak at the knees. He wanted to hug him tightly; and yet,
didn't want to, because he'd get a boner for sure then.
Then Louis got out of the pool, climbing out via the steps, his underwear
clinging see-through to his bum, and Harry got dried-mouthed and a little hard.
He watched as Louis went to get one of the towels William had provided, and lay
out on a deck-chair, unselfconsciously. He'd feel safe, Harry reasoned, amongst
friends and family. He wouldn't know there was someone getting turned on by his
nakedness.
Eventually, there were mutterings about watching pornos. Boys began to get out
of the pool, to pick up towels. William was ready for them. He had more than
enough towels for everyone.
"What are you going to do with all these towels?" Harry asked him.
William shrugged. "Wash them. Dry them. No big deal."
"I can see your boner," said Harry.
"Can't do much about it. May as well be bold." It was William's general
attitude to his boners. Harry was envious; he wished he could be that easy
about it. He'd successfully suppressed his boner from the pool; but how soon
until it started rearing up again?
Louis was busy marshalling Zayn, Niall and Liam to go home. They were
protesting, but meeting with a brick wall.
"My underwear's still wet," complained Zayn.
"Go out in the sun. Ten more minutes, then you're going." To Harry, he said,
"you, too."
"But I've seen William's pornos heaps of times!" exclaimed Harry. "You're not
making me go home."
"I shouldn't even be doing this," said Louis, and Harry knew he was thinking of
Coach Morrison again.
"It was all William's idea. He's not being corrupted by anyone."
"It doesn't sit easy with me," said Louis, looking conflicted.
"Then why don't you go home?" said Harry boldly.
Louis closed his eyes. He opened them again, and looked at Harry. "Because I'm
a bad influence."
"Don't start that again. You want to see the porno; no big deal, right?"
"But you and William-"
"Would be watching anyway, regardless of whether you're here or not. Honestly,
Louis. You've got to get over this complex you have."
"No, I don't. I've got to keep vigilant about it." He whispered, "Do you know
that a lot of paedophiles where fiddled with when they were kids? I never want
to do anything like that."
"You're not, Louis. You're just watching a porno with some mates. No big deal."
Louis wouldn't shake the conflicted look. However, Harry stubbornly hung
around, hiding in the guest room as Louis saw Niall, Zayn and Liam off, and
when all the lads filed into the room not long afterwards, carrying beanbags
from the games room, Louis quickly looked away from Harry.
"Harry and I have got the bed," said William. "There's room for a couple more,
though."
"Louis," said Harry, before he thought. Now he'd get a hard-on for sure.
"Louis can sit back with us. Anyone who wants to sit in front is welcome."
William plumped pillows with intent. He was going to enjoy this, Harry knew,
because by now he knew what got William off, and a roomful of boys watching
pornos was one of those things.
Louis followed William and Harry onto the bed, sitting up against a pillow. His
bare feet poked out of his jeans in front of him. Harry, between Louis and
William, was in heaven. They were close enough together that he was touching
each of their arms. Leo flopped down on the end of the bed, and the other lads
arranged themselves in beanbags on the floor.
William pointed the remote at the TV. "Don't feel embarrassed," he told them.
"You're not a red-blooded male if you're not turned on." And he pressed play.
The beginning to a heterosexual porno began. Harry had seen it before, with
William. It hadn't turned him on near as much as the gay porn did, which he
supposed was a blessing in the present situation.
The repairman obliged the woman. They began to get it on, just kisses and body
rubbing.
"Oh, shit," said Cameron.
"Everyone's cool," said William. "You do what you need to do, man."
William kept enouraging people to not feel embarrassed about their arousal.
William was good at this; Harry had seen him do it before. Then he noticed a
movement to his left; noticed Louis' hand reach down and adjust himself. The
movement went straight to Harry's dick. Louis was turned on. Sure, he'd been in
bed with Louis when he was turned on before, but it was always an unspoken
agreement to put it down to hormones. This was Louis getting turned on by a
porno he was watching with Harry.
Harry found himself pinned to Louis' crotch. He could see a definite bulge
there. He wanted, so badly, to touch. He looked up at Louis' face. Louis was
mesmerised by the porno. He was breathing heavily, twitching almost minutely.
Harry had to look away, lest his own growing hard-on be a giveaway.
The camera focussed on the guy's arse, pumping into the woman. William waited
until it had cut away back to the man and woman in situ before he said, "That's
it for me, lads," and pulled his dick out of his pants.
Harry noticed Louis look across, shocked, at William. All the lads looked at
William. Cameron took William's move as an invitation to bring out his own
cock. Harry looked at Cameron's cock, but wasn't particularly attracted. Louis,
even William, had much better cocks.
Harry reached to his own fly. A hand stopped him. Louis.
"Harry, don't," whispered Louis.
"But I want to," protested Harry, now fully hard, his jeans constricting him.
"You can't."
Harry moved his hand lower, and Louis left off him. Harry unzipped his fly and
pulled his dick out. He could hear Louis' breathing speed up beside him as he
looked away.
Harry bit his lip. This was the sexiest he'd ever felt, much sexier than any
time he'd done it with William. Louis' shoulder was still pressed against his.
With his right hand, the one nearest William, he began jerking himself off. He
noticed William glancing at him, but expected that. Louis stared straight
ahead, seemingly wrapped up in the porno, but Harry had the feeling he was much
more aware of his surrounds than he pretended. Harry grunted, and shifted
against Louis' shoulder. Louis sat stiffly beside him, but Harry noticed the
bulge in his trousers get more noticeable. Louis wasn't looking at the porno
anymore, either. He was looking down at his knees, his mouth moving, muttering
something under his breath.
"Louis," said Harry, into his ear. "It's okay."
"Harry, it's not," said Louis. Then, abruptly, he darted off the bed and out of
the room.
"Where's he going?" asked Darren, a little uncaringly, as he was palming
himself through his shorts.
Harry was conflicted. What did he do? Did he go to Louis? He wanted to, but
would that look strange? His concern for Louis overrode his other emotions. He
tucked himelf back into his trousers, difficult as that was, and went to get
off the bed.
"Harry, where are you going?" asked William.
"I need to talk to Louis."
"Oh. Okay." He whispered, "I'll miss you, though."
It wasn't Harry's concern at the moment. Louis was his only concern. He opened
and closed the door, heedless of the others' curious looks, and went to find
Louis.
Louis was out on the patio, sitting in one of the chairs overlooking the pool.
"Harry," he startled, when he saw him.
"What's the matter?" asked Harry, sitting down beside him.
"Haz," and Louis looked down at Harry's bulging crotch before looking away, "I
just wasn't prepared for that. The whole thing. It reminded me too much of
Coach Morrison."
"You never watched pornos with him, did you?"
"It's the situation, Harry. I'm one of the oldest, I ought to be able to
control myself."
"So you got a hard-on. Louis, so did I."
"I know. You didn't make that half obvious."
"It's not your fault I got a hard-on. It was the porno."
"It was the situation, though," said Louis. "I shouldn't be getting into such
situations with my thirteen year old brother."
"Who else am I safe to get into such situations with, then?"
Louis ran his hands through his hair. "I don't know! I don't like you and
William, either, even though he's not exploiting you. I just don't know. It's
all so confusing."
"I turn you on," said Harry.
"What? No. Don't be ridiculous, I've never given you that idea."
"All the times you've got a hard-on with me in bed?" Harry wasn't sure it was
wise to push this, but knew something had to give.
"Just hormones," said Louis.
"Louis, you're killing me here," said Harry.
"Harry, I don't know what you want from me."
"I turn you on. I know it."
"No." Louis shook his head determinedly.
"I do. I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?"
Louis stood up, trembling. "No. I absolutely do not."
"This is not about Coach Morrison again, is it? Fuck Coach Morrison."
"Harry, you don't know what you're saying."
"I do. I'm old enough. Fuck people telling me I'm not old enough. I know what I
want. I want you."
"You can't have me," said Louis, and abruptly ran. Ran from the house, leaving
his skateboard behind.
"Shit," exclaimed Harry. That was not how he wanted it to go at all.
No one else came out. They must all be still watching the porno. Harry
reflected. Where did that leave him and Louis? Nowhere different, as far as
Harry was concerned. He'd still phone Louis tonight.
He made his way back to the room, reminding himself to pick up Louis'
skateboard along with his own when he left. The porno was still going, although
by the sounds of it, it was heading to its climax. William patted the bed
beside him. On the front of the bed, Leo was determinedly not wanking off.
Darren and Cameron were, however. And, of course, William was, too.
Harry sat back down beside William.
"I'm close," whispered William. "Show me your cock."
"It's gone down, now," said Harry.
"Show me anyway."
Harry obliged, sitting back into the pillows, and pulling his dick out. It was
still a little hard.
"Yeah, Haz," whispered William. As usual, he didn't seem to need much
stimulation. He was cumming before Harry was fully hard again. He used the
tissues in the box on the side table, and flung them down to the floor, where
the other lads were sitting. "Help yourselves," he said.
The porno ground to a halt, and silence filled the air, before Darren said,
"That was hot."
"Where's Louis?" asked Leo, who hadn't been tempted to wank off, and who of
course was keeping an eye on Louis' movements.
"He went home," said Harry.
"Why?"
"He wasn't enjoying it."
Darren and Cameron looked non-plussed, but Leo nodded. "I thought he mightn't."
"What do you mean, Leo?" said Darren.
"He's more of a private person,"said Leo, and the others seemed to accept it.
Harry wondered what Leo knew. Did he know the whole Coach Morrison saga? He was
more sensitive than the other boys; perhaps Louis had confided in him.
***
That night, Harry phoned Louis as usual. Louis, who he knew had his phone in
his pocket set on vibrate, answered after the fourth ring.
"Hi, Haz," said Louis, as if nothing was up.
"I've got your skateboard," said Harry, thinking of it on the back verandah,
amongst his and Zayn's.
"Thanks. I sort of forgot it."
"When will you come and pick it up?"
"Tomorrow," said Louis.
"Awesome. I can't wait to see you."
"You only just saw me," Louis pointed out. He was trying to collect
information, Harry guessed.
"I know," said Harry. "And... I love you, Louis."
"I love you, too," said Louis. "But do we mean it in the same way?"
"I love all of you. Every single bit of you, right down to your toenails."
"I love you, Harry, every single bit of you," Louis whispered. "Right down to
your toenails. But, I wonder, is that love different from yours?"
"How can it be? We love each other the same."
"Maybe you don't really love my toenails. Or some other part of me."
"I love all parts of you," said Harry.
"Haz, you can't. You don't really know me, if you think that."
"You're not damaged goods. I don't want to hear it again."
"But, Harry," said Louis, and then fell silent. Harry waited for him to speak
again. "We can't be together, you and I. It's wrong. I should never have let it
get this far. It's my fault, letting you sleep with me right up until I moved
into my dad's. I should have known."
"Should have known what?" said Harry.
"You've imprinted on me. Like an orphaned baby animal on a human."
"Louis, people don't imprint on people."
"Of course they do. I've made you love me. That's the only explanation."
Harry wondered how to get it through Louis' head. "You didn't make me do
anything. I've felt this way for a long time."
"You're only thirteen, Harry!" exclaimed Louis. "I should have seen it coming.
I used you for comfort, just like Coach Morrison used me."
"You didn't use me. Louis, have you ever told Leo? About Coach Morrison?"
"What? No. The only people that know anything are you, and Niall, and Zayn, and
Liam. I don't want any of the lads to know what I've been through. No way,"
said Louis firmly.
"I won't tell them, honest. I just thought Leo knew."
"Well, he doesn't. And don't tell him."
"I won't," promised Harry.
"I should stay away from you."
"No, Louis, please. I won't mention it again," said Harry. "I promise. You
don't have to stay away from me. Besides, you need your skateboard."
"Yeah, I know," said Louis. "Shit. Harry, I want to be your best friend. That's
all. I don't want anything else."
"I get it. I promise I won't mention it again."
"Shit," said Louis again.
"Don't get down on yourself," said Harry, concerned. "It's all my fault. You
never led me on. You didn't make me imprint on you."
"Harry... I'll come and get my skateboard tomorrow, okay?"
"Okay. When will you come down?"
"Late morning."
"Will you have lunch? Mum will be happy," said Harry.
"Okay," said Louis. "I'll have lunch. We're never having this conversation
again, okay?"
"I won't," Harry promised. He hung up the phone, and returned it to its
position in the hallway, all the time worrying about Louis. Curse that Coach
Morrison to the ends of the earth. Fortunately, he was still rotting in jail,
right where he should be. But Louis was still screwed up. Coach Morrison would
get out of jail eventually; it was a life sentence for Louis.
***** Chapter 3 *****
As promised, Louis came over for lunch the next day. The boys were all ecstatic
to see him. They gathered around him, hugging him, punching him on the side,
high-fiving him, even though they'd all seen him only yesterday. But it was
special when Louis came to the house. It was like they were all brothers again.
Louis went out to greet Mum. "Hello, Ms Curtis," he said, shyly.
"Oh, Louis," she said, hugging him. "I'm so glad to see you."
"Thanks," said Louis. "I'll just hang out with the boys, okay?"
"You do that, love. I'll get lunch ready."
"Football?" suggested Niall, who was always in the mood for football.
They all agreed. They teamed up in their usual pairs; Niall and Liam, Zayn and
Louis, with Harry the keeper. As usual, Louis and Zayn won. Then they were
called in for lunch.
Mum had made chilli con carne, which she knew Louis loved. They all sat at the
table to eat, Louis in his old spot at one end of the table. No one had taken
it over.
"How have you been doing?" Mum asked Louis.
"All right," answered Louis. "My dad's being less strict with me. I can come
and go more."
"I don't mean to undermine your dad," said Mum. "You will of course do what he
says."
"If he says I can't talk with Harry on the phone, do you think that's
reasonable?" said Louis. "Because that's what he wants."
"How can talking with Harry affect anything? No, I don't think that's
reasonable, but then, I'm not your responsible parent. All the power is with
him."
"I want to talk with Harry," said Louis.
"Then I don't see why he should say no," said Mum. "Surely he must understand
that you were all very close living together here. I just don't understand him.
How are you getting on with your sister?"
"Better," admitted Louis. "But I wish I was with my other sisters more."
"Has it been easier to see them, living at your father's?"
"No, it's much harder, because of the extra distance. But now that it's
holidays I can go over and see them by myself. I don't need him to take me. I
saw Daisy and Phoebs a few days ago. I'm seeing Lottie tomorrow, and Fizz is
coming over, too, so I'll get to see the both of them. I just wish I could get
to see them all at once, instead of piecemeal. I miss us being all together."
"You've shouldered some burdens in your young life," said Mum. "I'm proud at
the way you're turning out."
"Don't say that," said Louis, looking down. "You don't know what I've been
doing."
"What is it, love? What's bothering you?" Louis shook his head. "You can talk
to me about anything, you know."
"I know but... I just have to do some things I don't like doing at the moment.
I've got no choice." Harry guessed he was talking about the drug dealing.
"There's always a choice, Louis."
"It's a pretty unbearable choice." Then Louis blurted, "I nearly got arrested."
Mum looked at him concernedly. "What for?"
"I was over visiting this guy when he was busted by the police for drug
possession."
"You didn't have any drugs on you, though?"
"No."
"Are you doing drugs, Louis?"
"Yeah," he whispered down at his plate. Harry realised he must have found
another supplier.
"Honey, what are you doing?" asked Mum.
"Just smoking a bit of pot," Louis muttered at his plate. "It chills me out,
gets me less worried about my father and the whole situation."
"Louis, you know the damage drugs can do to a developing brain. I know you've
learned about it in school. You wouldn't be doing pot living under my roof."
"I wouldn't need to, don't you get it?"
"I know things are tough, but Louis, you can't retreat into a world of drugs.
Have you made any friends at school yet?"
Harry, Niall, Liam and Zayn were watching and listening absorbedly. They looked
from Louis to Mum, and back again. Niall and Liam wore particular expressions
of curiousness. They hadn't known about the drugs the way Harry and Zayn did.
"I hang out with some people," said Louis. "They don't mean much to me, though.
Just someone to hang out with. I miss all my old friends."
"I know you still see the skateboarding boys, but do you still see Jason?"
asked Mum.
"Hardly at all during school. I've not even had a chance to catch up with him
during the holidays so far."
"You should make the effort," said Mum. "I know you two got on particularly
well, despite the age difference."
"I will. I'll call him this afternoon."
They'd all finished eating, Louis and Mum lagging behind the others due to
their conversation. Loius insisted on drying the dishes. It was Harry's turn,
too, so they both worked together as Mum washed up. It was something they'd
done a hundred times before. It felt so normal, and Harry was washed with a
wave of nostalgia. He had to accept it; he'd never live with Louis again. Louis
was going to stay at his dad's. It had been a fantasy of Harry's that Louis'
dad would turf him out; had been a fantasy of Louis', too. But it wasn't going
to happen. Louis was stuck in this unhappy other life, and Harry would never
sleep with him again. He felt it as an ache in his chest. It had been so good,
for so many years. Now he'd confessed to Louis the way he felt about him, and
Louis was so hung up on Coach Morrison he couldn't process it. If only Coach
Morrison had never entered Louis' life. If only his dad never had, either.
"Football, lads?" said Niall, as they finished the drying up.
"You're a glutton for punishment," said Louis.
They all went out and played football again. They came back into the house an
hour or so later, as Mum called them in for freshly made choc-chip biscuits.
"Yum!" exclaimed Niall, munching down on a biscuit.
"Yeah!" said Zayn, joining in.
They all delighted in the biscuits. Louis made a particular point of thanking
Mum. "Thanks for the lunch, and for the snacks," he said.
"My pleasure," she said. "I hope to see you often during these holidays. You're
always welcome here, remember that."
"I'd better get going," said Louis.
"Aw, why so early?" asked Niall.
"I want to get some time in down the Sheffield skatepark, now that I've got my
board back." He'd brought his helmet with him, Harry had noted. It was getting
too late for Harry to be going down to Sheffield. No sooner would he arrive
than he'd have to turn back. Louis was going to be alone, again. Harry didn't
like how much he was alone, these days. Still, at least because of the holidays
he got to come out during the day, hang out.
"What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked hopefully.
"Like I said, seeing Lottie and Fizz."
"Oh, right."
Louis ruffled his hair. "I'll see you the next day, yeah? Down at the Doncaster
skatepark."
"I'll be there," said Harry. "Talk to you tonight."
But Harry didn't see Louis in two days time. Louis told Harry on the phone that
night that he'd arranged a football match with Jason and his friends for that
day. Harry was definitely too young for Louis' Year Eleven friends, and he
sucked at football even for his age-group. There was no way he could be
expected to be invited along.
William phoned him the next day. He wanted Harry to come over. But Harry wasn't
in the mood for sex, and turned him down. It would only make William more horny
for him, he knew that, but for god's sake, the guy had to learn to control
himself. Instead he hung out with his schoolfriends Tom and Callum and Jamie on
the Wednesday, and Niall and the boys on Thursday. There was a fair on in
Doncaster, and Harry went both days, with both sets of boys. He had a lot of
fun, going on all the rides, eating fairy floss, playing the sideshows. He
didn't win anything on the sideshows, but he was happy. He just wished Louis
had been there to enjoy the day with.
William desperately wanted Harry to come over on Friday. He phoned Harry
Thursday evening. Harry hemmed and hawed. He wanted to see Louis. He told
William he'd call back the next day, and waited until it was time for his
phonecall with Louis.
"Are you coming into Doncaster tomorrow?" Harry asked plaintively.
"I thought I might turn up at the skatepark. That's if the other lads are going
to be there."
"Are they ever anywhere else?"
"I've heard you've got the fair in town until the end of the week," said Louis.
"We get it next."
"They've been to the fair already. I saw them there on Wednesday."
"So you've been to the fair?"
"Yeah, Wednesday and Thursday," said Harry.
"I guess that means you probably don't want to go again, then."
"With you? I'd go again with you," said Harry.
"Even if you had to come to Sheffield?" said Louis.
"It's not a big deal, going into Sheffield. You come into Doncaster far more
often, these holidays at least."
Louis abruptly changed the subject. "I've got a new supplier for drugs. But I
guess you knew that from Tuesday."
"Yeah. So you're still smoking pot down at the park by yourself?"
"I swear," said Louis, "it's the only way I can deal with my dad and his
family."
"Don't they notice, that you're not exactly you?"said Harry. I noticed when I
first saw you high."
"They're not that observant, I guess. Or they don't care. Probably both."
"Who's the new supplier?"
"Not telling. Don't want it getting back to Darren."
"As if I'd tell him. Is it someone from school, or someone out of school?"
"Someone out of school," said Louis. "I took a stroll into the right area of
town. He picked me up."
"Can you trust him?"
"No more than I can trust anyone."
"Louis," said Harry, "I don't want you doing anything dangerous. Adam was Adam;
he was mostly stupid. This guy, though, could fuck you over."
"How do you even know such phrases? I'm not going to be fucked over. We've got
an understanding. I know where he lives. Do you think he'd give out his address
if he was planning to fuck me over?"
"I don't know," said Harry. "I don't know how these people operate."
"He won't fuck me over," said Louis. "He's serious about his business."
"So why was he hitting up strangers like you?"
"I more hit him up. I knew what I was looking for."
"I don't like it, Louis."
"You don't have to worry about it. I can look after myself," stressed Louis.
That was debatable. Sure, Louis had looked after himself fine, up until now,
but the deeper he got in, the greater the chance for an eventual fuck-up.
"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" asked Harry.
"I'll get down to the Donny skatepark around ten. After that, it's Saturday and
Sunday, my McDonald's shifts."
"I love you," said Harry.
Louis was less inclined to use his former pet-names for Harry, ever since the
situation at William's house. "Bye, Haz," he said simply. "Sweet dreams."
"Hug me," said Harry, and hung up. He put the phone back, then snuggled down
into Louis' bed, his body wrapped around Louis' pillow. He didn't know if he'd
ever get over it, the separation. It seemed to get worse every day, especially
since the conversation that Louis never wanted to have again.
***
William phoned Harry that Friday morning. "Can you come over today?" he begged.
"I'm hanging out at the skate park this morning and over lunch. Maybe I can
make it down by the end of the day?" said Harry.
"I'll come down to the skatepark."
"You don't have to, William."
"I want to. I want to see you skate, again. You were so hot last time."
"Liam and Niall and Zayn most probably won't be coming down," Harry warned.
"I get on well with your other skateboarding mates. Maybe we could come back to
my house afterwards, watch some pornos."
"No," said Harry.
"Why not?"
"Louis didn't like it."
"So what?"
"Louis is my best friend. If he doesn't like it, I don't do it."
"He doesn't have to come, if he doesn't want. Come on, Harry. Let me come
down."
"Okay," said Harry. "But don't push pornos."
"All right, I won't. Chill out, Harry."
Sure enough, William turned up at the skatepark. All the other lads, except
Louis, were there when Harry arrived.
"Where's Louis?" he asked.
"Must have got the later bus in," said Darren. "He should be turning up before
too long."
Harry hung out on the embankment until Louis finally showed up, skateboard in
one hand, helmet in the other. He desperately wanted to hug him, given the
amount of time since he'd seen him, but didn't dare. Not in public, not
anymore. They were too old for that.
Louis seemed content to sit down on his board for a while, chatting with the
other guys. William eventually whispered, "Harry, are you going to go
skateboard?"
"Yeah," said Harry, and stood up. "Anyone coming?"
"I'll come," said Cameron, and they both made their way down the embankment to
the ramp. Harry balanced himself on the side of the ramp, enjoying the way he
could now enter the ramp from the top unlike his kiddie-days of having to build
up momentum from the bottom. As soon as he saw a gap he cut in, dropping down,
coming up the other side, before turning and heading back the way he'd come. It
was so peaceful, to skate on the ramp, even a kiddie ramp such as this one.
Louis and Darren, the latter dressed in jeans for once, came up next. That left
Leo looking after William. Harry stopped off, and Louis joined the ramp. Harry
watched him. He was so fluid, the way he went into his turns, his body
movements, his descent and ascent of the ramp. Harry loved to watch him.
"Come on, Harry, plenty of room for us," said Darren, dropping down. Harry
followed him after a bit. It was hard, when you were on the ramp, to keep an
eye on what the others were doing except for superficial glances, but Harry
tried to keep an eye out for Louis, anyway. He watched him crest the ramp as he
came down from his turn. Louis was so perfect on the ramp.
Harry, aware of William waiting, eventually stopped. He went back up to the
embankment, to discover William sitting by himself. William didn't seem to
mind, though.
"You're so hot skateboarding, Harry," said William. His pale cheeks were
flushed red.
"You're just so horny."
"No, it's not just that. You really are hot skateboarding."
"I'm hungry," said Harry, having worked up an appetite.
"You wanna come back to my place, grab something to eat there?"
"Like what?"
"We could order in," said William. "Chinese, or Thai, for example."
"I'll see what the others want to do," said Harry.
"They're just going to want to hang out here. We don't need to hang around for
them."
"I want to," said Harry. "I don't get to see Louis enough."
"You and Louis," muttered William.
"He's my best friend," said Harry simply.
William looked a little jealous but said nothing further on the matter.
Meanwhile, the other lads made their way back to them.
"I might go over to William's," said Harry, as the last of them, Darren,
drifted back.
Louis didn't look happy. "Harry, are you sure?"
"We're going to get in Chinese."
"I could go with some Chinese food," said Darren.
"You can come, but I'm not paying for the food this time," said William.
"What say you guys? The more of us order, the cheaper it gets," said Darren.
"You don't mind us hanging out, do you, William?"
"No, the more the merrier."
"I say," said Darren, "we eat Chinese at William's. I'm in the mood for a turn
in the pool."
Everyone looked at Louis, who was the unofficial leader. He looked
uncomfortable. "I'd rather not," he said.
"Come on, Lou. It'll be fun. We can always come back here afterwards, if we
want to. It's a hot day, a swim in a pool would be perfect."
"You go. I'll hang out here."
"Come on, Louis," said Leo. "I really want to have a swim, too."
"I'm not stopping you," said Louis.
They all looked at one another. Without Louis, it wouldn't be as much fun.
Harry wasn't going to go if Louis wasn't. He said so. William looked sulky.
Darren said, "All right, if none of you are going, I'm not going, either."
"Come on, Louis," said William, "what's the problem?"
Louis stared at him, as if affronted that William would speak to him.
"You're wearing white underwear again, aren't you?" teased Darren.
"Look, if you're all that keen, I'll go," said Louis. "It's no big deal."
"I'll buy you lunch," said Darren, slapping him on the back. "What would you
like? Sweet and sour pork?" It was Louis' favourite.
William was happy again. "Come on. I know a good Chinese restuarant that
delivers. They'll give a discount for six or more dishes. Tell me what you all
want."
"We should all chip in for some fried rice and some veggies," said Leo, as they
began to head off.
"And prawn crackers," said Cameron.
They all decided what they wanted, and William made the call. It was going to
be a banquet. When they arrived at William's he and Harry searched out plates
and cutlery so that they could all share. They carried the stuff out to the
patio table and set it down. A couple of the boys were already in the pool,
while the rest hung out on the patio chairs, including Louis.
William went around collecting the money off the boys, doling out change from
his wallet. He stuffed his trouser pocket full of money and beckoned Harry off
into the house once again. Harry, curious, followed. William led him around the
corner and abruptly backed him up into the wall. He put his palm down on
Harry's crotch.
"William, we don't have time," said Harry.
"Have you ever thought about... fucking?"
Harry shivered. Yes, he had, but not with William. "Anal sex?"
"Yes."
"I'm not ready."
"I am," said William. "Just so you know. I'd love to fuck you."
"No," said Harry, firmly. "I'm not ready."
"It's okay." William kissed him. He was taller than Harry by far. "I can wait
until you are."
"What if I wanted to fuck you?"
"I'm happy either way," said William. "I've fingered myself before, you know.
It feels good."
"I haven't ever." Harry had touched himself on his rim before, but never pushed
in.
"You should try it. Jerk off and finger yourself at the same time. Did you
know, when you cum, all your muscles in your arse clench up? It's the greatest
feeling." The doorbell rang. "That must be the food."
Harry went with him to collect it. He checked out William's crotch. Sure
enough, he was a little hard. They took the food from the delivery driver and
carried the plastic bags out to the patio table.
"Yeah! I'm starving," said Darren. "Open them all up. You get first dibs at
your own, and after that everyone's is fair game."
They jostled and laughed as they rushed to load up their plates, spreading
Chinese food about. As always, the fried rice ran deep, so they all got as much
of that as they wanted. The stir-fried vegetables, too, which Leo seemed
particularly to delight in. The beef in black bean sauce disappeared quickly,
followed by the honey chicken. Eventually, all plates were loaded, and there
were few remnants of food left in the containers.
They all ate heartily, sitting around the patio table. They ate until their
plates were clean, until there wasn't a remnant of food left in the containers,
and sat back, satisfied.
"I could go with a beer right now," said Darren.
Harry looked at William, and indicated no. William might be too happy to
oblige, otherwise.
"Where would you be getting a beer from?" asked Cameron.
"My dad lets me drink a glass of beer sometimes."
"You've got a cool dad."
"I know," said Darren smugly. "Come on, who's hitting the water?"
"I thought you were supposed to wait until half an hour after you've eaten,"
said Leo.
"That's an old wives tale. Come on, Leo, what's going to happen to you?" Darren
stood up and made his way to the pool, bombing in.
The other boys stood up to follow. Those who hadn't already, undressed. William
and Harry were left with an absolute mess of Chinese food droppings,
containers, plates, and cutlery.
"We'll put it in the dishwasher,"said William.
Harry helped. Once the dishwasher was loaded and set, William grabbed a
cleaning cloth. "Load all the containers into the plastic bags for rubbish," he
told Harry. "I'll wipe the table."
Harry disposed of containers while William cleaned up the table. William had to
go back and forth to the house a couple of times to wash out the cloth.
Eventually, everything was clean.
"Help me bring the bags out to the bin?" said William.
Harry helped. He was unprepared for William to, once they'd disposed of the
bags, fling him up against the side of the house and dive in to kiss him. Harry
didn't respond. They were in full view of the street, for goodness sake.
"Harry, you're so hot. Even the way you eat is hot. You've got this amazing big
mouth, and you shove huge mouthfuls in, but then you eat with your mouth closed
and fill up your cheeks. It's so cute." William must have had his eye on Harry
the whole time they'd been eating. He hadn't noticed, transfixed with Louis as
he was. William had obviously noticed. "Meanwhile you, you couldn't take your
eyes off Louis."
"I don't get to see him as much as I should," Harry defended himself. "He's
closer to me than a brother. Of course I'm going to pay attention to him."
"I'm jealous of him," William admitted.
"Why?"
"You look at him as if you want to jump his bones."
Harry startled. Was he that obvious?
"But you wouldn't," added William, "because he's like your brother, and because
that would be gross."
"Yeah," said Harry faintly.
"You're just unhealthily obsessed with him, that's all. Every second word that
comes out of your mouth is about Louis. Harry, you need to get a hobby."
"So do you."
"I'm happy with sex as my hobby," said William.
"It's your obsession, not a hobby."
"Louis is your obsession," countered William.
"You don't know what it's like, being as close as we were, then forced to live
apart. You just can't know."
"Yeah, way to rub in the fact that I've got no brothers or sisters. I think I'd
already noticed that."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to be like that," said Harry. "But I'm closest in
the world to Louis, and that's the way it's going to stay."
"I wish I had a big brother, so I knew what it was like," said William. "And I
wouldn't be half so lonely. You may live in a foster family, but at least you
don't know loneliness like I do."
Harry had all too often imagined William alone in this big house, while his
parents worked, or attended social outings. He knew William was lonely. A life
of privilege wasn't always what it was cracked up to be. Harry wouldn't trade
his own life with William's, as bad as it was having two dead parents. At least
he had Mum and the boys, and he'd been adopted, to show that Mum loved him.
Harry often wondered about William's parents, whether they loved him or not.
They didn't seem to show him much attention. He got all the money he wanted, of
course, but that wasn't the same.
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to rub it in," said Harry. "I know you've got it
tough, even if most people think you're this perfect person with this perfect
life."
"Harry," said William, and kissed him again.
Once again, Harry resisted. "The others will be wondering where we are."
"Let them wonder."
"Louis will be wondering where I am," emphasised Harry.
William sighed, and backed off him. "Goddamnit."
"Come on. You like my friends, don't you? Let's go have some fun in the pool."
When they got back to the pool, they discovered the skateboarder boys had come
up with a new form of entertainment; race your skateboard up to the pool, and
jump in. Skateboards slammed dangerously into the pool as each boy took off
from a run up. Harry wasn't game to do it. He didn't want to wreck his board.
He hung out down at the shallow end with William, watching the action, while
William complained about his family.
Eventually, Louis came up. "Harry, you're not joining in."
"I don't want to wreck my board."
"But it's fun." Louis was wearing dark underwear this time. It clung, but
wasn't see-through.
"But I don't want to wreck my board."
Louis slipped into the water beside him, on the opposite side to where William
was. "Haz, are you enjoying yourself?"
"Yeah. I'm having fun watching you guys make idiots of yourselves."
Louis punched him on the shoulder. "We're having fun."
"Just don't blame me when your skateboards start to swell."
"They won't. They've been made of hardy materials."
"I like my board unswollen, thanks very much."
They sat together, William and Harry and Louis, side-by-side on a jut of the
pool's shallow end. Harry and Louis teased each other some more.
Then William abruptly interrupted. "Louis," he said strongly.
Louis looked over at William as if he was surprised he could speak. "What is
it?"
"I hope you know how lucky you are, having Harry."
"What are you talking about?"
"I know you know I'm his boyfriend, and I know you know we spend time
together," said William. "So I know a bit about you."
Harry squirmed. He didn't think he talked about Louis that much, but obviously
he was wrong.
"Oh, so you know about me," said Louis. "What do you know about me?"
"I know you don't appreciate what you've got."
"How's that?"
"Look," said William. "I'm an only child with absent parents. I'm lonely. But
Harry's got this whole family, and yet he's lonely too. That doesn't make sense
to me, unless you're not doing everything you can."
"What? What are you even talking about?"
"If I had a brother, I'd do everything I could to hang onto him. Harry needs
you in his life more than he's getting now."
"Look, William," said Louis, "I don't know if you realise, but I live a whole
nother town away. I'm lucky to get up to Donny for a day like today. Everything
I do is in Harry's best interests."
"I don't believe you," said William simply. "You could do more."
"We talk on the phone every night. What more can I do?"
"All I'm telling you is, he's lonely. All he's got is me. How do you feel about
that?"
Not too happy, judging by Louis' face. "He's got more than just you. He's got
Ms Curtis, and Zayn, and Niall, and Liam. He's just been adopted for
chrissakes. He's got more than you."
"He's got more than me," William agreed. "But are you satisfied with that?"
"Guys," said Harry, "let's drop this."
"No," said William. "I won't. I care about you, even though I know you don't
care about me half as much as you care about Louis."
Harry couldn't argue with that. It was true.
"You think I'm satisfied?" said Louis angrily to William. "I got moved miles
away from my foster family, the family I'd chosen. You don't know how hard that
was, to choose them. And then I get sent away? From the best little brother
there's ever been? You think that sat easy with me? I couldn't do anything
except go! They called the police, they threatened to put me back in the
psychiatric hospital for god's sake, and if you'd ever been there you'd know
why it was the worse of two evils. I had no choice but to leave!"
"And yet, Harry's lonely."
"What am I supposed to do?" cried Louis in frustration.
"I don't have the answers," said William. "Just thought you ought to know,
that's all."
"Well, shit," said Louis. "Harry, does it feel like I'm neglecting you?"
How could he answer that truthfully? Ever since Louis had left, he'd felt
neglected. But he was on the same page as Louis; what more could Louis do?
"It's naturally going to feel that way," said Harry. "I miss you more than you
could ever know. But I know you're doing as much as you can to keep us
together."
"You bet I am. I don't know what more I could be doing. We're just lucky it's
the summer holidays, and I can see you almost every day. Once school starts up
again, well, I'm not looking forward to it. It was hard enough to get through
last time."
"I don't know the solution," said William. "I can only speak as the only child
of neglectful parents. I'm sure there's more you could do and you should be
trying your utmost, if Harry's really as important to you as you say he is."
Louis, and by association, all of them, were silent for a while. Eventually,
the other lads wore off throwing themselves bodily with their skateboards into
the pool, and Louis stood up. "I'm going to join the boys," he said. "No porn,
today, right, William?"
"If you say so. I won't say anything."
"Thanks," said Louis grudgingly, and walked up the shallow end stairs to join
with the other boys. Harry followed, and William followed him. The lads were
just deciding on a game to play. They quickly decided on Marco Polo and heaved
out all the inflatables to make it fairer on the person who was it.
They played Marco Polo until they were all wrinkly from the water. It was
around two-thirty, three-o'clock. Louis popped up and said he wanted to skate a
bit more. The other boys joined him, dragging themselves out of the water,
pulling on their clothes over wet underwear. It was warm enough; they'd soon
dry.
"William, your place is great," said Darren to William.
"You're welcome to come over at any time," said William. "Even if I don't head
down to the skatepark, feel free to drop by. My parents are never here, and
there's always the pool, or something else to do."
"Thanks, mate," said Darren, slapping him on the back. "Might just take you up
on that offer."
William stayed behind this time, probably to wank. The rest of them walked back
to the skatepark. To Harry, Louis looked sexy, his underwear drying underneath
his jeans, damp around the curve of his bum and arse-crack. Harry tried not to
look, aware he was in the same condition. Harry was right, though, they dried
off before they reached the skatepark.
"I've got another hour and a half," said Louis.
"Let's skateboard, then," said Darren, and they all went down to the ramp.
Louis and Darren joined the ramp straight away, but the other boys waited until
the ramp was clearing off. Then,
"Come on, Harry," said Leo, and they both breached the ramp and skated
downwards. Harry got into the zone, as usual, feeling at one with his
skateboard, with the ramp. He skateboarded for a long time, until the others
were off the ramp. Only his concern about Louis got him heading off the ramp.
He hadn't seen him for some time.
Louis was still there, hanging on the embankment with the other skateboarders,
but as Harry came up, he stood up. "Gotta go," he said, kicking his skateboard
up.
"When will we see you again?" asked Harry. Today was Friday. Louis had to work
Saturday and Sunday.
"Come down to Sheffield tomorrow, or Sunday. I'll be working," said Louis.
"We'll come down Sunday, as usual," said Darren.
"I might come down tomorrow," said Harry quietly.
Louis heard him, however. "Harry. You sure? I can't skateboard with you."
"I miss you," said Harry.
Loius ruffled his hair. "I miss you too," he said. "But it's just not going to
be the same over a half-hour's lunch. Come down with the guys on Sunday, then I
can see you all. Okay?"
"Okay," said Harry, feeling like he was betraying Louis.
***** Chapter 4 *****
That was how things continuted over the summer's break, right back until when
school restarted again. Going from the skatepark, to William's, became a
ritual. Pornos were watched sometimes, but Louis always opted out, and he
persuaded Harry to, so William never got the full enjoyment. He said as much to
Harry when he came over other times. "It's just not the same without you," he
told Harry.
"Louis doesn't like me watching pornos."
"Louis needs to get a clue. You're not a kid anymore. You're one of the big
boys now."
William could think anything he liked, but Harry would only do what he wanted.
The new school year continued, through to Christmas. Zayn's and Liam's
adoptions were approved, to much joy. Louis turned sixteen; soon afterwards, it
was February 1st and Harry turned fourteen. Harry wasn't allowed to go to
Louis' to celebrate his birthday, Louis' dad being strongly against it.
Likewise, Louis wasn't able to attend Harry's fourteenth birthday celebrations.
It sucked badly, but what could they do?
All they could do was talk about it in phone conversations. By now, Louis' dad
had twigged that Louis and Harry spoke on the phone at nights, but he didn't
seem inclined to interupt them, as long as they kept it descreet.
"Louis, I'll see you Sunday, okay?" It was a sentence Harry was used to
delivering. He got to talk to him most nights, but only got to see him for half
an hour on Sundays.
"Haz," said Louis, "I only see you once a week, for half an hour, and I've got
to pay attention to Darren, Zayn, Leo, Cameron and Mark at the same time. It's
not fair."
"I can come out to see you."
"When?"
"There must be one afternoon a week when I can come out and see you."
"I've looked it up. You can come out and see me, but it'll be for all of an
hour before you're forced back home again."
"You're sixteen now. Can't you get your dad to let you work evenings instead of
weekends?"
"I could try," said Louis, sounding dubious.
"This is so not fair," said Harry.
"It's what we have to live with," said Louis.
"It's mid-semester holidays, soon," said Harry hopefully.
"Not soon enough," said Louis darkly. "I feel like I'm losing you. To your
family, your friends, to that goddamned kid William."
"You're more important to me than William and my other friends," said Harry
reassuringly. "You're a part of my family, even if it's unofficial. Mum misses
seeing you. Maybe your dad will let you come over for dinner."
"He won't. He doesn't like your family. He thinks you're all responsible for
what he sees as my attitude problem. He just doesn't get it that it's him I
have the problem with. He's so unreasonable. You know how when I first moved
in, he was buying me everything? Well, he's stopped that. He expects me to
cover all my own expenses with my McDonald's wage, including buying my own
clothes, shoes, shampoo, everything."
Harry felt so sorry for Louis. Forced to live with his father and his father's
wife, who he'd never warmed to, either. He got on okay with his half-sister, at
least, once he'd stopped being so stubborn. At least there was that.
"Do you even have to buy your school clothes?"
"I reckon," said Louis. "I've had a hole in my jumper sleeve for ages and he's
said nothing about it. Also, it's too small. The sleeves are halfway up my
wrists. My school shoes are starting to hurt, too."
"Zayn's got a job," Harry remembered. "He collects shopping trolleys at the
mall for two hours a day Monday to Thursday. I want to get a job, too."
"Harry, you're too young."
"I'm not. Now that I'm fourteen I can get a job, doing what Zayn's doing, for
example."
"You haven't got an ounce of muscle on your body," said Louis. "How are you
going to push trolleys? How's Zayn going to, for that matter."
"They're not heavy, Zayn says, they're just awkward. You get given a strap to
hold the trolleys in place so you can push, I dunno, a dozen at a time or
something."
"You're a people person. You should work in the service industry. McDonald's
isn't so bad. It's my escape from home."
"You're always trying to escape," said Harry. "Skateboarding, down to the park
for a hit of pot, work. Are you ever happy at home?"
"No. It's so boring. I'm not a big reader, you know, and there's just nothing
to do."
"What about Xbox?" Louis had finally let his dad buy him an Xbox.
"It fries my brain if I'm on it for too long. It's addictive. I don't want to
get addicted to anything."
"Aren't you addicted to pot?"
"No, I could stop that any time. I just don't want to. It chills me out, makes
me more able to deal with home."
"Has your dad ever hit you?" asked Harry suddenly.
Louis didn't say anything for a while.
"Louis?"
"He didn't hit me exactly, not the way I've been hit before... well yeah, he
thought I was laughing at Georgia and he slapped me across the face three
times. I was holding a plate and I nearly dropped it. Should've. That would
have woken him up. I dunno, I'm a little scared of him. He often seems like
he's about to hit me, then stops."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. It's probably all in my mind."
"Does he drink?"
"Not really," said Louis. "The time when he slapped me across the face he'd
been drinking. He doesn't do it very often. I dunno, Harry, maybe I should be a
better son, then he'd be a better father."
"No," said Harry firmly. "Your dad has to make the first step. It's his home
you went into, after all. He should have been trying his hardest from the
start."
"I think he expected me just to get on board. When I didn't, he became more
frustrated. He didn't deal with it well at all. He went from buying me
everything in sight to ignoring me completely. It's just not a workable
situation."
"He ignores you?"
"Haz, I don't want to complain about my life. It is what it is."
"God, Louis, if only we were still together."
"It's never going to be," said Louis pessimistically. "Things just keep driving
us further apart. I don't know why you still bother with me, to be honest."
"I love you," said Harry. "I'm always going to love you. You're stuck with me
for life."
"I'm selfish; I want to be stuck with you. But I can't help feeling I'm holding
you back. Preventing you from being truly happy with your life. Like William
said all that time ago."
"Forget what William said, he doesn't know how it is between me and you.
Louis," Harry sighed, "it's been ages since I hugged you. I really need a hug."
"We can't. Not in public, and in public is the only time I see you these days."
"Please try to get your shifts changed," said Harry.
"I'll talk to my dad about it tomorrow. But I already know he's going to say
no. Wait a sec." Harry could hear the rustle of covers as Louis put the phone
down. "What?" he called. "Yeah, I'm getting off. I just have to say goodbye,
okay?" The phone was picked up again, and Louis spoke. "I have to get off the
phone."
Harry sighed. "I heard. Talk to you tomorrow, okay?"
"Sure. And I'll see you Sunday as usual?"
"You bet. I'll be down with the skateheads."
"Bye, baby," Louis whispered. It was rare that he used a term of endearment
these days, and Harry held it close to his heart.
"Bye, Louis. I love you," he repeated, and after a moment Louis pressed end.
Harry took the phone back out into the hall, as usual, and retreated back to
bed, hugging Louis' pillow.
***
It was Friday the next day. Harry woke up early, and tossed and turned. He
ached for Louis. He couldn't get Louis out of his head. He simply had to see
him. But he wouldn't, not until Sunday. It was too long to wait. Harry abruptly
leapt out of bed and went into Zayn's room, where the computer was. He was
careful to be quiet, so as not to wake Zayn. He looked up bus timetables into
Sheffield for that afternoon. Louis was right; he'd only get just over an hour
before he had to return. But it was worth it, to appease this ache. Leaving
Zayn's room, he went back to his own, and packed casual clothes into his
schoolbag. He got back into bed, but the smell of Louis on the pillow
tantilised rather than comforted. Spraying Louis' brand of deodorant into the
air didn't help, either. Harry was so frustrated, but too frustrated to jerk
off. Jerking off meant nothing, if he couldn't have Louis. Eventually, half an
hour before everyone was due to be up, he dressed and made his way to the main
room, where he switched on the TV and set it to a music station. He bopped away
to the songs, letting off steam.
"Harry," said Mum, emerging from her room fully dressed. "You're up early."
"Couldn't sleep."
"Not sleeping problems again?" said Mum. Harry had a history of sleep problems.
"No. Just woke up missing Louis," he admitted.
"It's early. We could do a cooked breakfast, if you'll help."
"Of course I'll help."
They went into the kitchen together and prepared bacon, eggs, and tomatoes,
enough for five. Just as they finished cooking, the other boys began trailing
out to the main room.
"Something smells good," said Niall, poking his head into the kitchen.
"Bacon, eggs, and tomato," called Mum.
"Yum. Do you want me to set the table?"
"That would be nice."
Harry flipped tomatoes in the griller while Niall collected cutlery and put out
crockery. Zayn and Liam followed him in, sniffing appreciatively, before going
out to the meals area to wait.
Mum and Harry loaded up the plates Niall had laid out, and carried them out to
the boys. They all indulged in a cooked breakfast.
The snow was easing off, so Harry was able to skateboard to school. He needed
his board for that afternoon; nothing was going to stop him seeing Louis. All
through school that day he anticipated seeing Louis. Straight after school he
changed and went as fast as possible, with a combination of skateboarding and
running, to catch the earliest bus. He just managed to get on it. He'd have a
good hour and a half with Louis. Now he just had to hope Louis was at the
Sheffield skatepark and not smoking dope down at the local park.
He was in luck. As he made it along the grass of the Sheffield skatepark, he
saw Louis on the ramp. Louis was still in his school-clothes. He was obviously
so keen he didn't bother to change, except for his shoes, and the removal of
his tie. His school jumper was definitely too small. The waist was on the waist
of his trousers. He'd pushed the sleeves up but even so, Harry could tell that
it was too small in the sleeves, too.
He looked closer. There was a group of older boys hanging out, who seemed to
definitely control the ramp, directing traffic on it, saying who could go on
and who couldn't. These must be the Sixth Formers. He wondered how he could get
Louis' attention without coming to the attention of the Sixth Formers. He made
his way to the top of the ramp, crowding into the space with the others, and
settled for standing over Louis' mark.
"It's me," he said, when Louis next crested the ramp, and Louis acknowledged
him without missing a beat. He turned back on the other side of the ramp, and
came up to Harry's side again, pulling off.
"Haz!" he said excitedly. "But you must have come straight from school."
"I did," said Harry.
"You must have run to catch the early bus."
"Yes."
"Want to come skateboarding? I love the vert ramp. It's so cool."
"Okay," said Harry, although he'd rather spend time with Louis. Skateboarding
was important to Louis, though.
Louis spoke to the Sixth Formers. They looked at Harry, but eventually nodded
approval.
"Come on," said Louis. "You've got permission."
"So you're still paying them off?"
"Yeah," said Louis, looking blank.
"Let's go, then," said Harry, lining his board up on top of the ramp. Louis,
after a moment, stood next to him. Because they were both right-handers, Harry
was staring at Louis' back. Then Louis dipped onto the ramp, and Harry followed
him straight after. They turned within a couple of seconds of each other,
before screaming back up the ramp. Harry pretended he was in a race with Louis.
It was a race he was destined to lose, but nevertheless it kept him alert.
They skateboarded for ages, until Harry felt weary and had to come off. Louis
came off a couple of turns later.
"Haz," he said. "How much longer have you got?"
"Half an hour. Come down and hang out with me?"
"Sure." Louis carried his board, following Harry, along the grassy knoll. They
sat down in a spare space with a good view of the ramp.
"How come you turned up here?" asked Louis.
"I told you, I missed you."
"It's not very satisfying, is it, to come down for a little over an hour?"
"No, it's not," Harry admitted, "but I was willing to get what I could with
you."
"Haz, you know you could do so much better than me," said Louis.
"No." Harry shook his head. "I'll never do better than you."
"You could, though. You've got William, for starters. He has to be better than
me. He gives you what you want."
"Louis, it doesn't compare with William. I get what I can from William, because
I can't get it from you." Harry knew he was treading dangerously close to the
forbidden conversation here, but couldn't help it.
Louis' eyes opened wide, but he only said, "Harry, you're fourteen now. You're
talking about getting a job. I just think-"
Harry interrupted Louis. "I've got a job. At the Friendly Bakery. Serving
customers. I start next week."
"Really? I still think you're too young. But, Harry, congratulations." Louis
punched him on the arm.
"Thanks," said Harry. "It's working on Saturdays. Mum's okayed it, so it should
be good."
"My little Harry, working,"said Louis. "I can't belive it."
"I'm going to do my best," said Harry.
"I bet you will. I bet you'll be Employee of the month, if they have such a
thing."
"I don't think they do. They're not part of a chain; they're a stand-alone
bakery."
Louis stripped his jumper off. Now he was left in his white school shirt.
"McDonalds has Empoyee of the Month. You get to have your sickly sweet smile up
on the side of the counter where customers order. I hope I never get Employee
of the Month."
Louis' school shirt was worn thin from being washed so many times. It also was
too small for him despite him being thin, perhaps a little thinner than he
ought to be; tight across the chest, buttons almost straining. Harry could see
the outline of his nipples through it. His mouth went dry and he looked away.
"I thought they had to give everyone Employee of the Month at some point," said
Harry, looking to the ramp. "Just so you don't lose self-esteem."
"Wouldn't surprise me," said Louis. "Still, I get told off too often for
chatting to customers when I should be rushing orders through. I don't think
I'll make Employee of the Month, no matter what scam they're using."
"Customers like talking to you, though. Your manager should be happy."
"It's such a contradiction. You're expected to make nice with the customers,
but you're also expected to get the order filled as quickly as possible. You
can't do both. I hope your bakery manager is more reasonable. Are you nervous?"
"Yes," said Harry. "What if I stuff up? I don't know how to operate a till."
"I wonder if it's like McDonald's, where you have to press the right button, or
whether it's an old-fashioned till where you type in the amount."
"I think it's one where you type in the amount."
"That'll be easier to learn on," said Louis. "I'm used to the till at work now,
but it took me a while to get fast on it, searching out the right button all
the time."
Harry wanted desperately to touch Louis, even if only in a minor way. It was so
tantalising, them being so close on the grass, and yet not touching.
Louis bent down and began to take a shoe off. "Let me show you the blister on
my big toe. It's from my school shoes being too small." He pulled his shoe and
sock off and showed Harry.
"Does it hurt?" said Harry, trying not to fetishise Louis' bare foot.
"Yeah, it rubs. I'm going to have to get new shoes. I'll ask my dad for them;
see what he says."
"You shouldn't have to buy your school clothes out of your work money. You
didn't ask to go to a public school. Proper shoes cost more than ordinary
shoes."
"They do. And I just can't save up enough. It all goes on pot." Louis put his
shoe back on. "I can't wait until the end of the school year, when the Sixth
Formers will graduate and I won't have to supply them anymore."
"They won't be in charge anymore?"
"They'll be at University. They won't be around all the time. Their dominance
will be broken at last."
Soon it was time for Harry to leave. Reluctantly, he got up. He wanted to stay
with Louis, but Mum expected him home for dinner. Louis got to his feet, too,
and patted Harry on the shoulder. "See you Sunday."
Harry looked around. No one was watching them, busy paying attention to their
own business. "Can I hug you?"
"It's too public."
"You used to let me hug you in public."
"I used to be eleven. A kid. I'm nearly all grown up, now."
"You don't want to hug me?" said Harry, and bit his lower lip.
Louis leaned closer. "Of course I want to hug you, idiot. You have no idea."
It was enough of an invitation, as far as Harry was concerned. "I'm hugging you
now," he announced, and came forward to capture Louis in an embrace. Louis was
stiff at first, but suddenly went boneless, gathering Harry up into the hug.
Harry felt Louis kiss him behind the ear and his heart bounced with joy. Very
quickly after that, Louis pulled away.
"You'd better get going," he said, looking sadly at Harry.
"Yeah." Harry wanted to tell him how much the hug meant to him, but couldn't.
It would be something to savour over the coming days, as he hung out for the
mid-semester break. "Bye, Lou."
"Bye, Monkey."
And with that, Harry had to be satisfied. He was running a little late; he'd
have to jog to the bus-stop. As he ran across the skatepark, he kept glancing
back at Louis. Louis watched him until he was out of sight.
***
That night when he phoned Louis, a recorded message told him that the phone was
out of range or was switched off. Harry's heart sank. Was Louis in trouble
again? It happened from time to time, Louis got into trouble and lost his phone
privileges. Harry braved phoning the residence to find out what was going on.
"Troy Austin," the phone was answered.
"Hi, it's Harry. Can I speak to Louis?"
"Louis is grounded until the end of the school year. No, you cannot," said the
frustrated-sounding man.
"What did he do?" It must be bad, whatever it was.
"His mother found marijuana in his room when she was cleaning. I won't have
drugs in the house. I won't have my son taking them. He's lucky the punishment
wasn't worse."
Harry was stunned. How had Louis been so careless? "Is he still allowed out to
the skatepark?"
"He's not allowed out anywhere. He comes straight home from school and that's
that."
"What about his job?"
"Harry, it's really none of your business. But I'm allowing him to keep
working. Now I'd appreciate if you didn't call again, because Louis is not
going to be able to speak to you. Goodbye."
Harry pressed end. He felt devestated. What was he going to do without hearing
Louis' voice until the end of school? He took the phone back out to the hall
and went back to bed. He cuddled up to Louis' pillow. The end of school was
three months away. Three months without Louis to talk to every night. Three
months when the only time he could see him was a snatched half-hours lunch
break at McDonald's, a time he had to share with several other boys. Harry felt
tears beginning to form. More than ever he savoured the hug from that afternoon
at the skatepark. It was the last one-on-one time he'd have with Louis for
ages.
Harry let the tears fall. He wasn't crying, not exactly. He was just letting
tears fall. He felt an uncomfortable ache in his stomach, like it was cramping.
It wasn't fair. None of this whole situation was. He remembered his last images
of Louis, in his too-tight school shirt, standing and waving goodbye at Harry,
looking so bright and amazing and utterly Louis. His beautiful blue eyes, his
cute little ears, his short nose, his cheekbones and growing jawline. His fit
body, with his curving hips and strong thighs. His wonderful feet. His
everything. Harry let the tears run freely, still refusing to sob, clinging
tightly to Louis' pillow. He wondered if Louis was clinging as tightly to
Harry's pillow. Both of them, at this instant in time, clinging to something of
the other's, so so far away from each other. Harry finally let out a sob. He
didn't sleep for a long time.
***
He saw Louis on Sunday, of course. Nothing would have stopped him. He went to
McDonald's before the others, just to be in Louis' presence. Of course, Louis
was working, and couldn't pay any attention to him. Harry went into stand in
Louis' queue anyway. He might as well order something, since he was here. He
wouldn't get the discount, but he didn't care about the discount. He cared
about seeing Louis.
"Haz!" said Louis in surprise. He looked flushed and vibrant from rushing
about. "Are the others here already?"
"No, it's just me. I phoned your house on Friday night. I heard what happened."
Louis looked exasperated. "I had them well hidden. There's no way she could
have found them unless she was snooping. Who pulls out the bottom drawer of a
dresser when they clean? She said she wanted to vacuum, like there's any dust
in a sealed space. Now I'm fucked."
Harry couldn't talk about it without directly referencing the marajuana. The
queue was getting longer behind him, too. "It sucks," he agreed. "I'll have a
small fries, please."
"I can't give you discount."
"It's okay. I wanted to hang out, anyway."
"You're just going to watch me until the others get here?"
"Yeah," said Harry.
Louis went over to the fryer and collected a small fries. He came back, put it
on top of the next tray in the stack and collected Harry's money. "I'll try to
get off early, but I don't think the manager will let me. He's too used to
releasing me at two o'clock."
"Did you ask your dad about the school shoes?"
"I didn't dare." He put on his 'McDonald's voice', which made him sound like a
radio announcer. "Enjoy your fries, young sir! Next, please."
Harry took his tray and sat within line of sight of Louis. He was cheerful to
all the customers, although Harry knew he didn't feel that way inside. He'd get
Employee of the Month if he wasn't careful, Harry reflected. He was brisk in
bringing customer orders, while still managing to be friendly in a way that
didn't seem forced, but rather sincere. He was good. Harry felt so proud to
know him. He hoped to make as good an impression at the bakery job he started
next Saturday.
It seemed like only a short while, but must have been nearly half an hour, when
the skateboarder boys turned up and got into Louis' queue. Harry stood up and
joined them. He wanted a burger and coke.
"Harry, why'd you leave so early?" asked Leo.
"I wanted to see Louis."
"But he's still working."
"I wanted to see him anyway."
Leo nodded, as though he understood. "I guess you know that he's grounded?"
"How do you know?"
"I tried to phone him yesterday. I eventually had to phone his step-mum. She
told me."
"Did she tell you why?"
"Yeah. They found pot in his drawer."
"Underneath his drawer," said Harry. "In the floorspace. She was snooping."
"Shit yeah, it seems like it," said Leo. "Who goes around digging in the
floorspace of drawers unless they're looking for something? Just as well he
doesn't keep a diary, because then he really wouldn't have any secrets."
They fronted up at Louis' till. "Hey, I'll just get the manager," said Louis,
and left to do so. He quickly came back with the man they were used to seeing
from all their Sundays at McDonald's, a tie-wearing portly man who was in his
thirties. He rung up their orders and accepted their money, while Louis darted
around collecting the products. His manager kept a sharp eye on him, to make
sure he didn't add anything. He liked Louis, Harry knew, but he guessed it was
hard to trust a teenager when you were a manager in your thirties.
"Lunch break, boss?" Louis asked him as he grabbed the last order.
"Off you go," agreed the manager. "Charmaine, take over this till, please!"
They all took their trays outside. It was cool outside, but better than being
in the stuffy atmosphere of the restuarant.
"I heard you were grounded," Darren said to Louis without preamble.
"My step-mum was snooping around my room and found pot," said Louis.
"You idiot. I knew this would come back to bite you in the end."
"I've just been sentenced to months of misery. Not even allowed down the
skatepark. I have to come straight home from school, and stay home until I
leave for school the next day. No phone-calls, nothing. Harry," he turned to
Harry, "can you tell Jason for me?"
"Yeah," said Harry. "I'll tell him at school tomorrow. What should I say to
him, though?"
"You can tell him the truth. He knows I was doing pot."
"Mate, you weren't exactly discreet," said Darren. "Everyone knew."
"Except my father and step-mother and half-sister. Now I'm going to have to be
extra careful about storing it."
"You can't be thinking of still smoking pot. Not after this."
"I know a guy at school I can get it off."
"But when will you be able to smoke it? You're grounded."
"I'll find a way," said Louis stubbornly.
"I really hate that you smoke pot," said Darren.
"And just tell me where my natural high is going to come from, being grounded
for the next few months. Xbox? I don't think so."
"Shit, man," said Leo. "I really feel for you. No skateboarding."
"I don't know how I'll survive," whispered Louis.
They were all silent, contemplating the horror of not being able to skateboard.
Zayn shoved his burger into his mouth, Cameron stuffed his mouth with fries,
while Darren took a long draught on his coke.
"Shit," said Mark. "What will you do?"
In an apparent non-sequiteur, Louis said, "I shave now, you know. Not every
day, but I still have to sometimes, to keep the fuzz off my face."
"You wouldn't cut yourself?" said Leo, picking up on what must have been his
train of thought.
But Louis immediately backed away. "I didn't mean that."
Louis' answer obviously didn't convince Leo and Darren, for they looked at each
other, concerned, before turning back to Louis.
"Phone the Samaritans, if you ever feel that way," said Darren.
"I told you, I'm not interested in doing it."
"Maybe you aren't now, but in a month down the track, when everything's really
getting to you... mate, you need to keep safe."
"Like with being grounded I have a choice."
"I mean, psychologically safe. My cousin cuts herself. It's a big crisis in the
family."
"My dad wouldn't care," said Louis. "It wouldn't lead to any crisis; if I did
it, which I'm not going to."
"Promise me you'll call me if you ever feel like that," said Darren.
"I'm not allowed to call anyone. Not even the Samaritans, if it came to that."
Louis shuffled in his seat. "But don't worry about me. I'm not into self-harm.
It leaves scars, for a start. Scars I'll have to live with for the rest of my
life."
"But you've said in the past you don't care about the rest of your life," said
Harry, hating to betray a secret, but unable not to.
"Harry," said Louis, and stopped. He closed his eyes before opening them again.
"Look," he addressed everyone, "you're all worrying about potentially nothing.
I'm not going to cut myself."
"Like I said," said Darren, "if you ever feel that way, phone me or the
Samaritans. Stuff your father. You come first."
"Can we talk about something else?"
They talked about athletics, which was starting up at both Louis', and the
others schools. Darren hurled a shot-put quite well, Leo was a high-jumper, and
Mark was a long-jumper. Zayn wasn't anything. He usually tried to be sick on
selection days. The same went for Harry. Louis, of course, was a runner,
although after his initial shoot-up in height he was back to being low-average.
Harry suspected Louis was going to end up short. The prospect only fascinated
him, since he was growing by the day and felt he'd outstrip Louis in a couple
of years. Still, Louis didn't let his height beat him; as he explained, he ran
the time trials in a good enough time to get selcted for the running team for
his house.
"If I do well, it's the inter-schools," said Louis.
"You'll do well," said Darren. "You may have short legs, but you work them
twice as fast."
"I don't have short legs."
"Mate, do you want to measure hip-to-hip with me?"
"That's not fair. You're taller than me, anyway."
Darren looked around the group. "Hip-to-hip with Zayn. Go on. He's closest in
height to you."
Zayn got up obligingly, and Louis stood next to him. Everyone laughed, because
Zayn was shorter, but Louis' hips were definitely below Zayn's level.
"That proves it!" said Darren.
"Zayn's just got long legs for his age," complained Louis.
"No, mate, you've just got short legs."
"I don't have to listen to this. I'm going back to work," said Louis sulkily.
"Aww, come on mate, you've got another five minutes easily."
"Nope. Must get back to duty." Louis left, and the others all looked around at
each other.
"He's touchy about his height," said Leo.
"No kidding," said Darren. "I don't think it's such a big deal, myself."
"You wouldn't. You're the tallest of us all."
"Seriously, Louis' the perfect height for Louis," said Darren. "I don't see
what the big deal is."
"Obviously he cares," said Leo. "Maybe you shouldn't mention it again."
"I won't, all right! I was just making conversation. He's always been a
fantastic runner. So what if his legs are a bit shorter than others? He puts
in, and that's what counts. He gets to the finish line."
"I don't know about you, but I'm worried about him," said Leo. "I'm worried
he's going to self-harm, now that he can't do any skateboarding."
"I'm worried, too," said Darren. "Normally I'd say Louis wasn't the type, but
with recent events, and that stuff he said about shaving, which was totally out
of context... yeah, I'm worried."
"What can we do about it, though?" said Cameron. "We can only see him once
every Sunday, until the end of school. That's ages that we don't get to hang
out with him properly. He could easily hide cuts under his McDonald's jumper."
"We'll have to trust him," said Zayn. "Trust what he says."
"About something like this, do you trust what he says?" said Darren. "I'm
sorry, but how I know Louis, he could easily front up and say, 'No, I'm not
cutting myself' and it could be a lie. I'm not saying Louis is a liar, because
he's not, but he judges situations on their own basis. He could easily judge
this situation as not being relevant to us, and therefore it would be something
he can keep under wraps."
"What do you suggest we do, physically accost him at every meeting? Haul up his
sleeves?"
"I don't reckon that'll work. He'll cut high up, for a start. I know him. He'd
want it to be in not obvious places. Pulling his sleeve up, even if you catch
him off-guard, will only expose his forearm, which I guarantee you will be
clear. It's just not going to work."
"What can we do, then?" asked Leo.
"For a start, we have to turn up here every Sunday, to see how he's going.
After that, I don't know what. If he's hurting himself, I just don't know what
to do."
They all left McDonalds, after waving to Louis on the till, with this sombre
thought in mind. Harry couln't conceive of someone cutting themselves. Sure,
there'd been the time Louis was about to be sent to the psychiatric hospital,
when he'd requested Harry get him a piece of glass to either attack with or
injure himself, but Harry hadn't really understood back then how serious it
was. Now he did understand. But surely Louis wouldn't do anything.
Nevertheless, he was worried. That night, to try to understand, Harry took
Liam's razor and cut himself gently on the forearm. It hurt, and he didn't like
it. He quickly rinsed the blade off and cleaned himself up. Why would Louis do
it? He didn't have an answer.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Harry started his job at the bakery and really enjoyed it. Niall and Liam,
seeing how Harry and Zayn were loving working, got jobs too, Liam working on
checkout at the mall's supermarket, Niall working in the delicatessan. Both
worked Saturdays, like Harry, so he didn't have to miss them the way he missed
Zayn Monday to Thursday afternoons. The extra money coming into the house was a
relief for Mum; they were able to afford to buy more things for themselves. By
mutual agreement, they all decided that they didn't need allowances anymore.
Mum's clothes were looking old and worn out. She desperately needed new ones,
and they knew the extra money would make a difference to her. Mum acquiesced.
It was good; now her budget wouldn't be so tight that she had to borrow off her
mother for emergencies.
"You should take a holiday, Mum," said Liam. "You've never taken a holiday in
all these years."
"What would I do with the four of you?" she said.
"We could fend for ourselves for a week or two. Couldn't we, lads?"
The others all nodded agreement, but Mum shook her head. "Holidays are
expensive. And I'd miss my boys."
"Aw, Mum. We'd still be here when you get back."
"No, Liam. I'm not taking a holiday. Where would I go?"
"You could go to London. See all the sights."
Mum avoided the subject. "I wish I had enough money to take all of us on
holiday. It's one thing you boys have missed out on."
"We haven't missed out," said Zayn. "I haven't missed out on anything, living
here."
The other boys echoed similiar sentiments. Mum smiled. "I'm so lucky to have
you all. I just wish..."
"Louis?" said Harry.
"Yes, love. I wish I could have kept Louis. I haven't seen him in a while.
What's he up to?"
"He's grounded. He's not allowed out except to go to school and work until the
summer holidays."
"What did he do?" said Mum.
Harry had told the others. He glanced at them; they were all looking at him. So
he turned back to Mum and said, "His step-mother found pot in his room."
"Oh no. The silly boy. Well, I can't blame his father. What is he supposed to
do? I'd do the same, if he'd had pot here. Drugs are an absolute no. I know
you've been educated about it at school; I hope none of you are planning to
follow the same path."
"We're not," said Harry. "But Louis only smokes pot because he's really down."
Harry hadn't thought about it before, but it was true. Louis had been down ever
since moving to his father's. "This is just going to make him worse."
Mum looked troubled. "Maybe I should talk to his father. It wouldn't do for him
to get totally cut off from life. At least he's been able to keep working,
that's some sort of outlet. I worry dreadfully about him. He's got the
potential to turn out to be a wonderful person, if that potential doesn't keep
getting quashed."
"I don't think his dad will listen to you."
"Maybe not, but I ought to try."
And Mum did try, phoning up that afternoon. Harry overheard her. She mentioned
the psychiatric problems Louis had had in the past, which his father knew about
thanks to the court case, and urged him to get Louis checked out. From what
Harry could tell, she met resistance. Louis was fine, his dad insisted. He was
just sulking from being grounded for so long. He was lucky the consequences
weren't worse.
Mum hung up, and saw Harry hovering around. "Louis' father won't listen to me,"
she said. "I know Louis' tough; I only hope he can handle this."
Harry hoped so, too.
***
The next few Sundays all the skateboarding boys, including Zayn, turned up at
Sheffield McDonald's to see Louis around two o'clock, ordering their meals, and
having Louis sit down at the table with them. After a while, Louis couldn't
muster up the effort to look happy to see them, and he stayed fairly withdrawn
during their conversations, no matter how much they tried to cheer him up.
Louis always wore his McDonald's jumper, so they couldn't see any cuts on his
arm, until one week where Darren challenged him. It was a chilly, wet
afternoon, and they were the only ones seated in the outside covered area.
"Take off your jumper," said Darren.
"What for?"
"You scared of the cold?"
"No, I just feel warmer leaving my jumper on," said Louis.
"Let me see," said Darren, and abruptly grabbed Louis' left jumper sleeve and
hauled it up. There was nothing to be seen at first, until Darren, fighting
Louis, managed to haul the jumper up to Louis' armpit. Then they could all see
several angry red slashes.
"Louis, what are you doing to yourself?" asked Leo.
"Nothing. I'm not doing anything! Darren, let go of my sleeve!"" exclaimed
Louis.
"You're hurting yourself," said Darren.
Harry was meanwhile in shock at seeing the angry welts on Louis' arm. Louis had
really hurt himself. He really had.
"It's no big deal," said Louis, attempting to pull his sleeve down. "I'm just
letting off some steam."
"Lou, you're hacking into your arm," said Darren. "It could cause permanent
scars."
"So what? Like I'm going to live for long, anyway."
"Don't talk like that," said Leo. "I want you to live."
"Yeah? Well, I'm not so thrilled about it, and it's my life," said Louis.
"Maybe they need to start you on those antidepressants again," said Harry.
"Fuck antidepressants. I'm not depressed. I'm just living with what I'm living
with."
"Did you call the Samaritans?"asked Darren.
"I'm not allowed phone calls."
"Come on, mate, if your dad knew what you were doing to yourself he'd let you
make the call."
"He's not going to know. I didn't want anyone to know," said Louis, glaring
around the table.
"Go to the guidance counsellor at school. That's what they're there for," said
Darren.
"She'll tell my dad."
"Mate, you've got to do something," said Leo.
"What? What can I do? I'm trapped in a miserable existence, there's no light at
the end of the tunnel for weeks," said Louis. "I live for work at the moment. I
live so that I can see you guys. If you didn't keep turning up on Sundays, I
don't know what I'd do."
It was painfully honest. They all looked around at each other. They knew it was
bad, but not this bad.
"You'll have to talk to your dad," said Harry. "Make him refer you to a
psychiatrist."
"Yeah, maybe hospital would be preferable right now," said Louis darkly.
"Maybe you just need anti-depressants."
"Harry, what is taking a bunch of pills going to do about my fucked-up
existence? All they'll do is give me another problem to handle."
"They helped you last time, in the end."
"That was a completely different situation," said Louis, sending Harry a
warning look. The other boys knew he'd been on anti-depressants in the past;
they just didn't know what for.
Zayn had been watching Louis and Harry back and forth. Now he interrupted.
"Louis, you're cutting yourself, for god's sake, man. You need help."
"Yes, I need help!" said Louis. "But there's not help forthcoming, don't you
get it? I'm trapped."
"I'm phoning your father," said Darren, looking shaky but determined.
"No, you're not. It's private, between us. It's nothing to do with him."
"He's the only one who can do something about it. If he has any compassion, he
must act."
"He doesn't have any compassion, I'm telling you now."
"But to know that you were cutting yourself-"
"He'd think I was weak," said Louis. "Like he thought I was weak for playing
football instead of rugby this winter. I paid all my own fees and got myself to
the pitch and everything. He didn't support me. He doesn't support me."
"Louis, what if it gets worse? What if it leads you to, you know, thinking
about suicide, and things like that?"
By the look in Louis' eyes, they could tell he'd already thought about it.
"Surely," continued Darren, "you have to give him a chance. He doesn't want you
dead. I refuse to believe that."
"I don't honestly think he'd care," said Louis.
"Mate, this is a desperate situation. I'm scared for you, I really am." Similar
sentiments were echoed around the table.
"Something's got to give," said Cameron.
"What do you honestly expect me to do?" said Louis. "I'm grounded, so I can't
go anywhere for help. I'm not allowed to use the telephone. What do you expect
of me?"
"Is your dad home right now?" said Darren.
"I don't know."
"I'm going around there. I'm going to make him listen to reason."
"Darren, you can't. You can't do that to me."
"Louis, I'm really afraid for you. I'd rather you were alive, and hate me, than
dead. I'm that scared and that serious."
"You can't," repeated Louis.
Darren stood up, sucking down the last of his coke. "I'm going right now."
"I'll come too," said Leo.
"No more," said Darren. "No, Harry, I know you want to, but I don't want to
intimidate the man. I just want him to see reason."
"Darren," said Louis, "you're betraying me."
"I'll live with it. I'm doing what's right by a mate, so I'll live with it.
Feel free to hate me."
Louis stood up abruptly and walked back inside, presumably to go back to work.
Harry looked at Darren. He was still looking a little shaky. He breathed
heavily.
"Come on, Leo," he said. "Let's go over and talk to Louis' dad."
"But I want to come," said Harry.
"No. Just us two. The whole gang turning up would be counter-productive."
"Will you come back down to the skatepark to let us all know what happened?"
asked Cameron.
"I don't know. If not, I'll phone you tonight."
"Phone me first," said Harry. "Me and Zayn."
"Sure I will, little fella. You have my word." With that, Darren and Leo,
skateboards in hand, left.
Darren and Leo didn't return to the skatepark. Harry was forced to catch the
bus with the other boys, not knowing what had happened. His chest felt tight.
They'd said goodbye to Louis before they left McDonald's but he'd hardly
responded. This wasn't going to drive a wedge between Louis and Darren, was it?
The Adam situation hadn't, or at least, Louis had quickly forgiven Darren. This
one Harry wasn't so sure about. It was way personal. It was showing a side of
Louis to his father that Harry knew Louis wouldn't want him to see. But, as
Cameron said, something had to give.
***
Harry eagerly listened out for the phone all that evening. Eventually it rang,
and Harry threw down his teatowel, heedless of the rest of the drying up, and
raced into the hall. He got there just before Zayn, and lifted the phone.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hi Harry, it's Darren. Just thought I'd let you know what happened this
afternoon."
"Tell me," said Harry. Zayn motioned for him to share the earpiece, so Harry
laid his head against Zayn's and propped the phone in between their ears.
"Well, at first I didn't mention the cutting," said Darren. "We decided to hold
that up our sleeves. We talked about how harsh the punishment was on Louis, but
his dad didn't give a fuck. So then we had to explain that skateboarding was
Louis' life. His dad still didn't give a fuck. So then we had to say he was
cutting himself out of despair, and he'd been suicidal. That woke the bastard
up."
"Yeah, I bet, because it makes him look bad," said Zayn, who didn't like Louis'
dad either.
"Zayn," hailed Darren. "Yeah, maybe, I dunno what his motive was. He said he'd
get psychiatric help for Louis, and he lightened up on the phone block. He said
Louis can call the Samaritans if he needs to. Although I doubt Louis will,
because he knows, as soon as he's on the phone, that his dad will think he's
phoning the Samaritans."
"Did he make an appointment with a psychiatrist?" asked Harry.
"He said he would as soon as we left. I believe him. He doesn't want Louis
dead. He cares about him, in some kind of selfish, possessive way, but he does
care about him. That was the impression I got. You should have seen his face
when we told him Louis was cutting. He was shocked. He didn't think Louis was
weak; he was genuinely concerned."
"So Louis' getting help," said Harry.
"It seems that way," said Darren. "Look, as much as I love Louis, maybe I'll
bail out next Sunday. I know he's going to be mad at me."
"You don't have to," said Harry. "I know he loves you as a friend, and he
doesn't hold grudges."
"Yeah, he's got a sunny personality, when people leave him be," said Darren.
"Just for the week. I think we'll both be happier."
"Thanks for calling, Darren," said Zayn. "We really appreciate it."
"No worries. Look after yourselves. I'll see you in two weeks." Darren hung up.
Harry and Zayn looked at each other. "So he's going to send Louis to a
psychiatrist," said Zayn.
"I hope it works out," said Harry.
"Louis hates psychiatrists."
"I'm on Darren's side. He had to do something."
"Don't worry, I am too. I'm just saying. I hope it works out for the best."
Zayn looked doubtful. Harry didn't feel reassured.
***
The next Sunday they all, except Darren, turned up at McDonald's. To discover
Louis wasn't there.
"Where's Louis?" Leo asked one of the till workers.
"He's sick," she said.
"Not like Louis," said Leo, turning back to the gang. Louis wasn't the type to
call in sick unless it was serious. "Has anyone had contact with him this
week?"
Everyone shook their heads.
"Are you going to order?" asked the girl.
"Yeah. Give me the quarter-pounder meal deal," said Leo. "We get ten percent
discount, by the way."
"I'll just have to get my manager," said the girl.
"Sure, it's fine." The girl brough the manager back, and he rung up their
orders. Leo tried his question again on the manager.
"He's in hospital," said the manager. "I don't know for what. Something
serious, although he's looking to be back next week, so he told me."
They sat down with their orders at their usual table outside. "He's in
hospital?" said Cameron.
"I hope it's not the psychiatric hospital," said Zayn.
"What else could it be?" said Leo.
"Phone his father. One of you guys with phones," said Harry.
Leo obliged. "Hello Mr Austin. It's Leo, one of Louis' friends. We're just
concerned we haven't heard from him. Oh. Oh, right. For how long?... okay. Send
him our best wishes, will you? He'll want to hear from us, he cares about his
mates. Okay, thank you."
"Well?" demanded Harry.
"He's in the psychiatric hospital, here in Sheffield," said Leo.
"Shit."
"This isn't going to be like last time, when he was gone for weeks with no
explanation, is it?" asked Cameron.
"I don't know."
"At least we have an explanation this time," offered Mark.
Harry was desperately worried. The interview with the psychiatrist must have
gone badly enough--and/or Louis had been honest enough--that he'd been commited
to the psychiatric hospital. Harry knew he hated psychiatric hospitals, but he
hated his dad's just as much. Maybe he'd live with it this time, unlike last
time when he was resistant and stayed in for weeks. Maybe they'd give him some
pills that would fix him up. Harry couldn't conceive how pills could make Louis
happy not to be skateboarding, but he had hope since Louis had recovered last
time; and last time he'd been in desperate straits.
The other boys discussed it for a bit, worrying about Louis. Harry, meanwhile,
was wondering how he could get in to see Louis. This time Mum wouldn't even be
allowed, so if he just turned up, he'd be turned away. But he had to see him.
Still, short of convincing Louis' father to take him with him, he couldn't see
a way. He just had to hope he'd be back before too long.
He phoned Darren that evening. "Darren, you idiot."
"Yeah, Leo told me. I could have come down to the park. Still, Louis being in
the psychiatric hospital, that's not good, is it?"
"Maybe he won't be in there as long as he was last time."
"I'm hoping he will," said Darren. "Because what does he come out to? The same
situation. At least last time he had you. He's always credited you with saving
his life. He had to do it, for you, he told me. But he won't have you this
time."
"No," said Harry. "It's what I worry about. I hope he's in until the end of the
school year, because at least then he'll have something to look forward to,
seeing all of us in the summer."
He ached for Louis, positively ached. He knew how much Louis had hated being in
the psychiatric hospital in Doncaster. Sheffield wouldn't be any different, he
was sure. He just hoped the time away from his father outweighed the trauma of
being in the psychiatric unit.
It occurred to him on Monday there was a silver lining; maybe he could speak to
him on the phone. He looked up the hospital in Sheffield, and phoned that
evening around seven.
"Hold on a minute," said the nurse who'd answered. "I'll just find him for
you."
After a minute, Harry was connected with Louis. "Louis!"
"Harry, when they told me it was you, I nearly freaked."
"I can't believe I'm hearing your voice."
"I can't believe it either, baby," said Louis, obviously feeling emotional to
be using pet names. "What have you been doing?"
"We went down to Sheffield on Sunday but you weren't there. Your manager said
you were in the hospital, and Leo phoned your dad."
"Maybe I should stay in here," said Louis, "because at least I get to hear from
you this way."
"Is it better than home?"
"Sad to say, but it is. I don't want to go back home. I'd rather stay on. Sure,
they have stupid, irrational rules, but at least I have the freedom to walk the
hallways, don't have to stay shut up in my room."
"Is that what you do," said Harry, snuggling up on Louis' bed, "walk the
hallways?"
"If I walk up and down every hallway in turn, it takes me two and a half
minutes," said Louis. "That's what I'm doing right now."
"Isn't there anything else for you to do?"
"No. There's table tennis, but the room also has a TV in it and people watching
TV get annoyed if you're playing table tennis. There's table football, but the
same thing. And everyone watches TV at night. There's nothing to do, for me."
Harry knew Louis only liked music television. He didn't care about it
otherwise. It must be torturous for him, with nothing to to at night.
"After a while, I go and lie on my bed," said Louis. "I've had my shower, and
meds at eight o'clock, so I just go and lie there. It's peaceful, at least.
They usually have to give me a sleeping pill, though, to get me to sleep."
"What do you do during the day? Group therapy, again?"
"Group therapy and schoolwork. I hate group therapy, unless we go on an outing
or play football or something. It's a hundred times worse than school. I
actually look forward to doing schoolwork. Although these pills they've got me
on make it hard to concentrate. They're not the same ones as last time. They
give me a dry mouth. I keep thinking I'm thirsty. I'm weeing all day."
They chatted some more about the hospital and the people Louis was in with,
until a nurse came and asked Louis to give the phone back.
"I'll just be a minute," said Louis to the nurse.
"One more minute," Harry heard the nurse say.
"How long are you going to be in?" Harry asked.
"I don't know," said Louis. "They said they want to get me stabilised on
medication before they release me. They've got my history from Doncaster. They
think I'm suicidal. I said something stupid about taking my shoelace out of my
shoe and wrapping it around my throat, so now I'm not allowed shoes. I've asked
my father to bring in my slippers for when we go on outings."
"I bet you're barefoot right now," said Harry.
"You guessed it. The heating makes it okay to walk around barefoot."
"What else are you wearing?"
"Why do you want to know what I'm wearing?"
"I want to picture you." It was ridiculously sappy, but Harry needed to be able
to get as close an approximation of Louis as possible.
"All right," said Louis. "I'm in grey Adidas trackpants and a blue and white
striped shirt. Long-sleeved. What are you wearing?"
"I'm snuggled up into your pillow, and I'm wearing black trackpants, a t-shirt
and a blue jumper with snowflakes on it, and black socks."
"Louis, time!" Harry heard a voice call.
"Haz, I have to go. Can you call me tomorrow night?"
"I'll call you every night you're there."
"Thanks, Harry. Gives me something to look forward to. Bye, now."
"Goodbye," said Harry.
The phone was hung up. Harry dropped the phone on the bed and put his arms up
around his knees. Poor Louis. Still, it sounded like he preferred to be in
hospital; and this way, Harry could at least speak to him every night.
***
A couple of days later, Mum took Harry aside. "Harry, is there anything
bothering you?" she asked him as they sat on the couch. The boys had
disappeared into their rooms at the first sign of an intimate conversation.
"It's just, Louis being in hospital," said Harry. He'd told Mum all about it.
"You remember how he was last time."
"I do. I really wish I could go see him, but his father would have put us on a
blacklist."
"I know. It's so unfair. The people who care most about him in the world, and
we're prevented from seeing him."
"You've looked so sad these past few days. The famous Harry grin has been
nowhere to be seen."
"I haven't felt much like smiling," said Harry. "I'm too worried. He must be
bad, to be in hospital again. You know how long he took to recover last time.
And he had us."
"I know, honey. I'm worried about him, too."
They sat silent for a time. Mum said, "At least you get to talk to him on the
phone."
"It's never for long enough, though," said Harry. "There's always a nurse
hovering to take back the phone. I bet they eavesdrop."
"It wouldn't surprise me. They have a duty of care. Being exposed to a
traumatic conversation would not be good for any child."
"Louis' practically a man."
"Oh, Harry. He's still a boy to me. You'll all always be boys, to me."
For some reason, that comforted Harry. He put his arms around Mum and lay with
her for a long time, head tucked into her shoulder.
***
A few nights later, a Friday, and things were still the status quo for Louis.
They still wouldn't let him have his shoes back. He wasn't improving on the
medication, he explained. "I'm being honest with them, this time. I don't want
to get back home like I did last time, where I had to lie and say I was doing
better when I wasn't. Do you know, they're monitoring my food intake again,
just because they had to do it last time. And apparently I'm a little
underweight."
"Haven't you been eating properly before you went into the hospital?"
"Well... I might have been skipping breakfast. And sometimes lunch."
"Louis," said Harry disapprovingly.
"I haven't been hungry. I'd been feeling more sort of sick. It's hard to eat
when you feel sick."
"Are you eating okay at hospital?"
"They feed us six times a day," said Louis. "It's breakfast, then a snack;
lunch, then a snack; dinner, then a snack. Some of these people have got weight
problems and I'm not surprised. The hospital staff say it's the drugs, but I
swear it's the food. There's so much of it."
"You didn't answer my question," Harry pointed out.
"Look, Haz, I still feel sort of sick. It's hard to eat six times a day."
"Do you think your father's blacklisted Mum? Could we come and see you?"
"I don't know. I'll find out." Louis sounded suddenly excited. "That would be
so awesome, if you could come and see me."
"I'll bring you Monkey."
"You and the healing powers of Monkey," said Louis affectionately.
"He smells like me. You said so yourself."
Louis sighed. "I'm too old for this. Okay, yeah, bring him. I miss sniffing
your pillow. Oh wait, here's the nurse."
Harry waited. The nurse was telling him that it was time to get off the phone.
Louis was protesting that he'd just got on it. Then Harry heard him asking the
nurse about visitors; if he could have anyone he liked visiting. The nurse
responded that Louis didn't have anyone down as barred from seeing him, so
anyone could visit him.
When Louis returned to the phone, he said, "Did you hear that?"
"I can visit you!"
"Yeah. But when? You work on Saturday."
"I could come Sunday," said Harry. "Will your dad be visiting then?"
"He comes every two days, sometimes with my step-mum. He's due on Sunday but he
usually comes in the mornings. Make sure you come in the afternoon."
"Will do. I guess you've got to go now."
"Yeah, before the nurse rips my head off. Bye, Haz."
"Bye, Louis," said Harry. He felt a little bereft, as always, when the phone
hung up. But he could go and see Louis on Sunday! He rushed out to return the
phone to its cradle and went to see Mum, who was watching TV with the boys.
"Mum, can we go and see Louis on Sunday?" he asked, trembling. It meant so much
to him; he wasn't sure he could take it if she said no.
"We're allowed to see him?" Mum said.
"The nurse says we are. I have to work on Saturday, but we could go Sunday
afternoon? We won't meet his family, they go in the mornings."
"Okay. Sunday afternoon. I want to see him for myself."
"Can we come?" asked Zayn.
"Sure," said Harry. "He hasn't had any visitors apart from his dad and step-
mum."
"I'm really worried about him," said Niall, voicing all of their opinions.
"Shut up in that place, it can't be good for him."
"He says its better than home."
"That's just fucking sad," said Zayn.
"Zayn!" said Mum. "Language."
"It's true, though. If he'd rather be in a psychiatric hospital than his home,
that's just sad."
"We'll definitely see him on Sunday afternoon. We'll go after lunch," said Mum.
"Thanks, Mum," said Harry. Feeling happier, he sat down on the side couch next
to Niall, the side with the sideways view of the television. He wasn't
particularly interested in the TV, he just wanted to hang out with his family.
They tossed banter back and forth on the subject of the TV show and generally
had a good time. Harry thought of Louis, all alone, wandering the hallways. He
ached for him.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
On Sunday, everyone cleaned up eagerly after lunch. They'd get to see Louis
soon.
"What time does he have his lunch?" Mum asked Harry.
"Twelve on the dot. He's free any time after that."
"I guess we can go, then, as soon as we finish the washing up."
"I'll help!" volunteered Niall.
"And me," said Zayn.
Harry and Liam looked at each other, and shrugged. "I'm going to get changed,"
said Harry. "Into my new clothes." He'd grown out of his jacket--again--and
bought another pair of trousers for the ones that were getting to be too short
and too tight. With his new flush-with-cash status, he'd bought the trousers
from Mick's. They were the first skateboarding brand pair he'd ever owned. They
had cargo pockets on the legs. Harry was particularly pleased with them.
When he came out, he noticed that Liam had changed, too, into his coolest
jacket. Likewise Niall and Zayn went to their rooms to modify their outfits.
Everyone was getting dressed up to go and see Louis.
The drive into the Sheffield hospital took around around thirty minutes.
Parking wasn't free. Mum took a ticket, and then they made their way to the
juvenile psychiatric wing. As usual, it wasn't easy to find. They had to walk
up the road and into another street to find it. There was the usual automatic
doors, the usual funny-shaped waiting area, the usual receptionist behind
glass. The receptionist called a nurse down, and soon afterwards the code-
locked door at the end of the room opened.
"Come inside," offered the nurse. "We're just finding Louis for you. Come sit
in one of our waiting rooms."
This was a different hospital to the Doncaster one. The waiting rooom they were
shown to wasn't covered in glass panes, but instead had a normal wall
surrounding it. Much more private. It contained a two-seater couch, and several
comfortable seats, around a table. Mum and Niall sat on the couch. Zayn and
Harry and Liam took seats. They left one for Louis.
Loius was brought in soon afterwards.
"You press the button if you need me," said the nurse, pointing to the
emergency call button on the wall.
"Yes," said Louis. He turned to his former family. His eyes looked dull, his
face strained, but he brightened a little at the sight of them all.
"Louis, darling," said Mum, above the greetings of the other boys. Louis made
his way over to her and hugged her. Niall, then Zayn and Liam, clapped him on
the back. Harry was out of reach, at least until Louis sat down, when he was
next to him.
"Gosh, we've missed you," said Niall in his usual full-on style. "It sucks with
you not being able to come around the house anymore."
"We all work on Saturdays now," Louis pointed out.
"Except me. It still sucks, though," said Zayn.
Louis was not his normal lively, fidgety self. He sat in the chair, hunched
forward, elbows on his knees, eyes aimed at the floor. "I'm glad you guys could
come," he told the floor.
"Have you been keeping safe?" Mum asked.
Louis bit his bottom lip. "They can take my belt away, they can take my shoes
away, they can supervise me when I shave, but there's always some way of doing
something."
Mum reached across and touched his knee. "What are you saying, honey?"
Louis lifted up his fringe. There was a big bruise on his forehead. "I tried to
open a door with my head," he said matter-of-factly.
"Louis, your poor head. What made you do it?"
"It's so hard at the moment. I haven't got any light at the end of the tunnel,"
said Louis. "The anti-depressants aren't working. They've started me on a
different type. At least I don't have to wee so much anymore. But it makes my
legs stiff. Walking's the only thing for me to do around here, and now even
that's hard."
"Does it make you sleepy, like the one you were on last time?" asked Harry.
"A bit, yeah."
"You sound like you're talking much slower than before."
"I know it," said Louis.
"Why did they have to find you?" asked Mum. "Surely they should know where you
are. They do checks, don't they?"
"I get checks every fifteen minutes. It sucks. I feel like I'm constantly being
watched. Normally they only check on you once an hour."
"But it's still better than home," said Harry.
"Anything's better than home at the moment. At least here I'm allowed to talk
to people on the phone. I've got something to look forward to."
"What do you do on weekends, when there's no group therapy or school?" asked
Mum.
"There's this kid who's mad keen on table tennis," said Louis. "I play a lot of
table tennis with him. I pump up the stereo in the rec room and use the
exercise bike. But you know what? Everything here revolves around food. With
six meal breaks the day gets divided up really neatly; everyone hangs out for
the food. Except me, and the couple of anorexics they've got on ward at the
moment."
"Do you have anyone smearing shit on the walls, like last time?" asked Zayn.
"Thankfully not. There's this one guy who's really aggressive, but I stay away
from him. He's really big, so he's quite scary. He's always exploding and they
need four nurses to medicate him and drag him to the isolation room. They're
talking about moving him to the adult wing because he's so much bigger than the
rest of us. They're just arguing about whether their duty of care is to him or
us."
They all looked around at one another. It certainly sounded no picnic, being in
the psychiatric ward.
"I'd be scared of everyone, stuck in this place," said Niall.
"Most of the kids aren't that bad," said Louis. "I mean, they're suffering, but
they're still human, you know? They're just trying to make sense of their lives
like anyone, but they've got illnesses like anorexia or depression or
schizophrenia which makes it harder."
"Have you got friends?" asked Liam. "People to hang out with?"
"Yeah, I'm lucky,"said Louis. "I've got a little group. We all like to sit
outside in the garden, where the nurses interfere with you less. At least, they
used to. We've had a tough couple of days. One of the boys escaped over the
wall in the garden area."
"Over the wall?" said Mum disbelievingly. "Surely they have walls high enough
not to climb over."
"I saw it,"said Louis. "He was like Spiderman, he went straight up the wall,
and over. I couldn't believe it."
"Did they catch him?"
"Yeah, he's just been returned to the hospital. He was out for a day, though."
"You're not planning to escape this time? I know last time you said you tried."
"Nah, I've got nowhere to go," said Louis. "Even if I made my way down to
yours, you'd just phone my father, wouldn't you?"
"Louis," said Mum, looking distressed, "I wouldn't have a choice."
"No, it's okay, I understand. It's not your fault. God, I wish I could move
back with you, though."
"We wish the same, babe," said Zayn.
Harry tried not to feel jealous at the pet name. This was Zayn, after all. It
occured to him he didn't have any pet names for Louis, except the occasional
'Lou', whereas Louis had several for him, including 'Monkey', 'Baby' and
'Curly'. Did Louis mind? He didn't think of him as anything other than Louis;
'Louis' felt special enough. 'Louis' was everything.
"How're you all going, anyway? I haven't seen you all for a while," said Louis.
"Niall?"
"I'm still seeing my girlfriend, Candy," said Niall. "Still keeping my head
above water. What about you? You got a girlfriend at school?"
"I hang out with this goth girl called Nyomi. We're not really dating, though I
think she'd like to," said Louis.
"Go for it, man," said Zayn. "What's stopping you?"
"I have feelings for someone else." Louis purposefully didn't look at Harry, so
Harry didn't know whether he was referring to him or not. Probably not, since
he'd made it pretty clear in the past that he wasn't interested. Still, there
was that spark of hope.
"Who?"
"Never mind. Someone I can't hope to get, so let's not worry about it," said
Louis.
And Harry's hope was quashed. Louis knew Harry was his, whenever he said so.
Harry thought he'd made that clear. So it must be someone else he was talking
about.
The lads all chatted happily to Louis for a while. It was obvious they were
ecstatic to see him. Zayn a couple of times gave him random hugs, while Niall
and Liam petted him often. Harry, too, petted him. It wasn't enough, not nearly
enough, but it helped. Towards the end of the session, Harry brought out Monkey
from his backpack.
"Harry, you didn't," said Louis.
"I want you to have him," said Harry, feeling worried, because Louis was
sixteen years old; what if he rejected Monkey?
But Louis said, "Thanks, Hazball," and kissed Harry on the cheek. Harry tried
not to blush, but didn't succeed. And that was yet another pet name.
He looked around at the group, Mum and Niall and Zayn and Liam. All their
attention was directed at Louis. They hung on every word he said. So did Harry,
for that matter, but at the back of his mind was, would he get to hug Louis?
That mattered to him nearly more than anything.
They spent a long time with Louis, but eventually a nurse was at the door;
other people had visitors, they needed the room. It was time to say goodbye.
Harry stood back as one by one the others hugged him. He wanted his time with
Louis to be special, even as he appreciated that wasn't possible. Eventually it
was his turn. He hugged Louis tightly, feeling as if he'd never let him go. He
breathed in his scent deeply; the uniquely Louis smell that Harry loved so
much. "I miss you," he said softly.
"Miss you, too." Louis sighed, and released Harry. Harry reluctantly let go. He
walked outside the room, where the others were waiting. He turned back to wave.
They all said goodbye again; that they'd come and see him next weekend, if he
was still there.
"I hope I am," said Louis.
"He looked so sad," said Mum as they left.
"Yeah, like someone's switched a light off in him," said Zayn. "Just like last
time."
"He got better last time," said Niall.
"Took bloody ages, though. I hope they keep him in hospital until the end of
his grounding. I hate his father. He's an arsehole."
"Zayn!" said Mum.
"I'm sorry, but he is. Louis likes to come across as devil-may-care but he's
sensitive underneath. His dad obviously can't appreciate that."
"I can't help but feel sorry for his father," said Mum. "Louis is never going
to accept him, I feel. He's such a stubborn boy."
"I don't feel sorry for his father, at all," said Zayn. "This is all his fault.
If he'd never have tried for custody of Louis in the first place... I miss him
so much."
"Me, too," Niall and Liam agreed. Harry said nothing. He felt he could burst
with how much he missed Louis. Even though he'd just seen him, just hugged him
even, the ache was returning. Next Sunday was all he had to look forward to,
even if, again, he had to forgo his trip to the Sheffield skatepark. Anything
was worth it, to see Louis.
***
As it turned out, the hospital kept Louis in until the end of the school year,
until, Louis told Harry, he'd regained most of his lost weight and swore that
he was no longer suicidal. They let him have his shoes back a week before
release, and when he didn't do anything untoward, released him. Louis still had
to sit exams. He had to go to a special centre to do his GSCEs, as the school
year had finished. He said to Harry he didn't expect to do too well, but he had
a medical certificate which he'd been allowed to submit to the marking
committee.
Harry was ecstatic at the prospect of being able to see Louis again. Louis had
exams that first week, but on Saturday came around to the house, electing to
start work at McDonald's again on Sunday, to ease back into the job. Needless
to say, Mum and the boys were all happy to see Louis out and about, too. Niall
and Liam took work off that Saturday especially to see him.
"I've served my sentence," said Louis, and which sentence he was referring to
didn't matter. He was free. He still looked a little dull in the eyes, still
looked strained, but at least he was free.
"Have you been able to get down to the skatepark around your exams?" asked Mum.
"Yeah, my exams have been during the day, so I've been able to go skateboarding
in the late afternoons. It's such a release."
"I told Darren and that lot that you'd be over for lunch; they expect you down
at the skatepark later on," said Harry.
"Darren," said Louis, without emotion. Of course he'd skateboarded over from
the bus, and had his gear, but...
"You've forgiven him and Leo, haven't you?" asked Harry anxiously.
Louis sighed. "Yeah."
"Great. So we can go down later on?"
Louis agreed. Zayn wanted to come down, too. So it was the three of them that
made the short journey down to the skatepark after lunch. Louis was still
subdued, but Harry guessed he wasn't going to recover immediately. He'd had a
hard time.
"Louis, my man!" exclaimed Darren, standing up, when he saw them approach. He
held out his arms. Louis hesitated, but ultimately hugged him back. Then it was
the turn of Leo, who had sprung to his feet as soon as he'd heard Darren's
words. Louis and Leo hugged too. Louis ended up hugging Mark and Cameron as
well. It seemed they were all back together, like they'd never been apart.
They could all tell that Louis was itching to get to the ramp, so didn't hold
him up for too long in conversation. Soon Louis was striding down the
embankment, in his jeans and long-sleeved green and blue striped top, Harry and
Zayn and Leo and Darren and Cameron and Mark hot on his heels. Their sheer
presence made a couple of the younger boys step off the ramp; they had the
respect of the skatepark. Soon they were all skating the ramp, as a couple more
kids stepped off. Louis had received several shout-outs from the gathered boys
at the ramp. They were all glad to see him back.
Louis had obviously regained whatever fluidity he'd lost during his time in the
hospital. He was perfect, soaring up the ramp, pulling complicated turns at
will. Harry stopped off after a while just to watch him. God, he'd missed this.
Louis was such a natural, it bouyed his heart to see him on the ramp. The way
his body moved with his board was just so exhilarating. Harry had seen Louis
wobble on the rare occasion, but he'd never seen him stack. His control was
just that good.
Leo came and sat beside him in order to watch Louis, too. "I wish they held
that skateboard competition down here again. Louis would win hands down."
"Yeah, I reckon," said Harry.
"He's bloody fantastic."
"Yeah."
"We'll all have to go to the Sheffield statepark sometime next week. I want to
see him on the vert. He kills it on the vert."
Harry agreed. Happy together, they watched Louis on the ramp. Soon Darren and
Zayn and Cameron stopped off. Finally, Mark stopped off. They were all
mesmerised, watching Louis.
"He's so fucking good," said Leo to no one in particular.
"Just wait until we drag him back to the Sheffield skatepark, which we ought to
be able to do now he's finished his exams," said Darren.
"I love watching him at Sheffield. He positively owns the ramp there."
Louis must have noticed them all hanging off to the side, for he moved off the
ramp and came up to them. "What are you guys doing?" he asked.
"Watching you," said Leo.
"I'll give you something to watch," said Louis, and stripped off his shirt.
"Idiot," said Darren, laughing.
"It's such a beautiful day, I refuse to wear a shirt," said Louis, tying it
around his waist.
"Watch out for the Council," said Darren, who now wore trousers whenever they
went to the skatepark.
"The Council don't scare me. Come on, lads, let's have some fun."
They all, except for Harry, followed him back to the ramp. Harry stayed where
he was, watching Louis' bare back as he walked away. He was still skinny; Harry
could see his ribs clearly. Louis must have been going shirtless in the
hospital garden; he was very tan. Harry put his fingers in his mouth. Even if
he was a little skinny, he still had a great body. Harry laid back on the grass
and watched Louis on the ramp once again. After a while, he took his own shirt
off. Why not? It was, as Louis had said, a beautiful day. He felt the sun warm
his chest. He was probably going to have a burnt face by the end of the day,
but it would be worth it.
After a time, Harry stood up, stuffed the end of his t-shirt in his back
pocket, and went on the ramp. Shirtless. It felt liberating, the breeze created
by his movement cooling his warm skin. He noticed his shoelace coming undone so
stopped off for a bit.
"You're good," said a boy of about thirteen, holding a skateboard, staring at
him in awe.
Harry had worked hard to get where he was in the skateboarding world. He didn't
have natural talent like Zayn; he didn't have Louis' obsession. He'd just had
to work hard, so it was gratifying that someone recognised it.
"Thanks," said Harry. "You been skateboarding long?"
"A couple of years. I'm too scared to go on the ramp, though."
"Don't be. I was on the ramp when I was around your age. Come on, come down to
the kiddie end, and I'll show you how to start off on the flat."
"I'm also scared of those guys," said the boy, pointing to the young adults who
hung around the ramp.
"Don't be. They're cool. They don't tease you or anything. What's your name?"
"Justin."
"Come with me." Harry took him the ground level way of entering the ramp,
through the kiddie area. No one was hitting this side of the ramp, so he set
Justin to stand on his board on the flat of the ramp, joining him. Then Harry
pushed off, and got a little momentum up the side. He switched back, and went
back up the other side, then stopped. "Just keep doing that," said Harry.
"Build up your momentum until you're high enough to crest the ramp."
"What if my wheels hit the air?" asked Justin.
"That's when you flip, and come back down. Before too long you'll be gaining
air, just like I do, and doing all sorts of turns. But start with the easy
stuff. Go on." Harry enouraged Justin to start off.
Justin did so, and his momentum built up so that he was near the rim. Then he
had enough momentum for his front wheels to leave the ramp. Harry held his
breath. Would he do it? Justin pulled a perfect 180 and came back down. Harry
felt proud that he'd encouraged Justin to try the ramp. He remembered how
intimidated he first was. He walked back through to the edge of the kiddie area
and went back onto the grass. The other lads were still on the ramp. Harry lay
back on the grass again, and watched Louis, until he eventually came off the
ramp.
"Haz," said Louis, and dropped his skateboard, and abruptly leapt upon Harry.
He was being wrestled, Harry realised. He squirmed from underneath Louis and
tried to put Louis on his back. He succeeded, briefly, probably because Louis
was laughing at his efforts. Louis soon flipped him back, and lay on top of him
on the grass. They were stomach to stomach. Louis raised his upper body off
Harry. "You give?"
"Never," said Harry, wriggling under him.
"Then I'll just have to lie on you until you give in," said Louis, grabbing for
his wrists. Harry flailed, but Louis managed to capture one of his wrists.
Harry still had an arm free, with which he tried to prise off Louis, but
couldn't manage it. He was getting turned on, wriggling under Louis' body. He
hoped that wasn't obvious to Louis. Or did he? Maybe he wanted Louis to know.
He pushed up into him experimentally. Louis didn't move.
"One day," said Harry, giving up on trying to push him off, "I'll be bigger
than you, and you'll be the one crying for mercy."
"You're not going to be bigger than me," scoffed Louis. "You'll always be my
baby." He rolled off Harry, then, ending the delicious weight against Harry's
groin. Harry sat up, and adjusted himself. He didn't care if Louis saw. Louis
didn't, though; he was looking towards the ramp.
"If only this was my life," said Louis. "If only all I had to do all day was
hang out with you guys at the skatepark. No worries, no stressors, nothing
negative. Just good times."
"It'll be like that for the next few weeks, until school starts," said Harry.
"I have to work tomorrow. Already not looking forward to it."
"You like work, though."
"I got a bad performance review," said Louis, "did I tell you? Just before I
went into hospital. Now I have to face the manager again."
"He knows you were sick, though. He must. That would be the only reason you'd
get a bad performance review."
"You know, I thought I was holding it all together, those few weeks before I
went into hospital. But all it takes is one bad day and one mystery shopper to
screw everything up."
"We don't have mystery shoppers at the bakery," said Harry. "Our manager works
hands on."
"I bet you're doing well. Tell me about it."
"It's easy enough. Now that I know all the different types of breads. I just
slice and bag up and take the money. It's good."
"Sounds like it."
"Of course we serve pies and cakes as well. So there was a bit for me to learn
at first, but I quickly got the hang of it."
"My little Hazza, working," said Louis. "I'd love to come visit you, but I work
on Saturdays."
"These holidays my boss has asked me to work Tuesdays, too," said Harry. "Ten
to three."
"That's settled. I'll come down and see you this Tuesday."
"Will you?" said Harry, a warm feeling of pleasure moving through him.
"Of course. You come down and see me every Sunday, about time I returned the
favour."
"No, it's not a tit for tat," said Harry. "I really want you to come down, but
only if you want to."
"Harry, I want to, okay? I want to see you working. It'll make me feel so
proud."
"I have to wear this really dorky apron and cap."
"Uniforms are dorky," said Louis. "I don't like my McDonald's one, either."
"When will you come down?" asked Harry.
"When's it not busy?"
"It's always busy between ten and three. Come down at a quarter to three, or
something, so that I can knock off and see you."
"All right. Quarter to three it is. I'll still see you serving?"
"Yeah," said Harry. "You can wait at one of the tables we have for pie or pizza
eaters."
"You serve pizza?" asked Louis.
"Just ham and pineapple. And it has to be microwaved. Still, it's pretty
popular."
"Maybe I'll buy some pizza off you. It it cheap?"
"No, it's expensive for what it is," said Harry honestly.
"Can I get a discount?" wheedled Louis.
"I'll try," said Harry. "I'll try to get my employee discount of fifteen
percent."
Louis hugged him around the shoulders. "Do your best."
"If I join you, I should be able to get the discount," said Harry.
Members of their group were meanwhile making their way towards them. "How come
we're sitting down here?" asked Darren. They usually sat further up the
embankment.
"We're not," said Louis, standing up. "I'd better go."
"You'd better put your shirt back on first. They won't let you on the bus like
that."
"What are you, my conscience?" said Louis, but untied his shirt and pulled it
over his head.
"I'll call you tonight," said Darren. "Can I call you tonight?"
"I've got my phone back, so yeah."
"It's a promise, then."
"See you guys later."
"Tomorrow; we'll come down and see you at work," said Leo.
"Look forward to it. Bye."
As usual Harry watched him walk away down the park and along the street. After
his time in hospital, he needed a haircut. Not that he didn't look as sexy as
ever; maybe even more so, because he'd grown during the time he was in
hospital. He was still boyish, but with more than a touch of manliness about
him. He made Harry feel weak at the knees.
***
Every Tuesday that holidays, without fail, Louis would come down to see Harry
at the bakery at a quarter to three. Harry was conscious of Louis' attention on
him as he served customers up until three o'clock and tried to be at his best.
"You're so charming, Haz," said Louis, as Harry brought him over a meat pie,
and one for himself. "The little old ladies and gents love you."
Harry blushed. "Yeah, well."
"So do the young girls. So do the harried mums. You've got something about you,
Harry."
Harry ducked and blushed.
"It's true," said Louis, carrying on his theme. "The bakery is lucky to have
you."
"Yeah, well I'm off work now," said Harry, having removed his cap and apron,
"so you can quit teasing me."
But it didn't stop Louis teasing him, because customers continued to enter the
shop that recognised Harry, and either called out or waved to him.
"I swear," said Louis, "you're a minor celebrity. They should set up a stage
here and have you sing for them. Then they'd know your worth."
"My singing? It's not so great."
"Yeah, it is. At least, the last time I heard it. Your voice has broken more.
Sing me something."
"Like what?" said Harry.
"Anything you like."
Harry looked around. The last customer was just leaving the store. He broke out
into Bryan Adam's 'Summer of '69'. Louis looked aside the whole time he sung,
never making eye contact. Harry petered out after the second verse and looked
at Louis. Louis was still looking aside, but he made eye contact as Harry
stopped.
"That was great," said Louis. "You've got talent."
"My voice hasn't broken properly yet," said Harry.
"No. But I have a feeling you'll be one of those guys who retains their voices.
Me, I'm not so sure."
"You're a wonderful singer," argued Harry, having had Louis soothe him with his
voice many a time.
"I haven't sung since I've gone through puberty," said Louis. "Since they took
me away from you."
"Try it," urged Harry, but Louis wouldn't.
"I can't. It's been too long since I've sung."
"But I want to hear you," said Harry.
"Not here. It's too public."
Harry had finished his pie. So had Louis. "Let's go somewhere else."
"I'm not singing to you, Harry," repeated Louis, following Harry out the door.
Harry waved to his fellow workers, and then they were out on the street, Harry
with his hat and apron bundled up under his arm.
"There's a park just down the road," said Harry. "We should be undisturbed
there." He was fascinated by how nervous Louis looked. Louis had never been
nervous singing to him during the whole time they'd been foster brothers. He'd
always been happy to sing to Harry.
They made it to the park, and sat down on a bench. It was isolated from all
other park users.
"Go on," said Harry. "Sing to me."
"I can't," said Louis.
"Please. I miss your voice."
Louis paused for a time. Then he half-whispered, half-sung, 'What happened
here, as the New York sunset disappeared; I found an empty garden, among the
flagstones there..."
He sung Elton John's 'Empty Garden'. Harry was moved. He hadn't heard the song
many times. It was a fairly obscure Elton John number. There was Elton,
knocking on John Lennon's door, asking if he could come out to play, but Johnny
never answered. It was sad. Louis' voice gained in strength as he continued
singing, until finally he was singing at a normal tone. His voice sounded
wonderful.
He was quiet after Louis finished. Louis stared off into the distance.
Harry put an arm around Louis' waist. He said, "I wish I was Johnny. Then I'd
come out to play."
"So would I," said Louis, sounding maudlin.
"I loved it. You sung it really well," said Harry.
"Yeah, whatever."
"You did. You made me feel all the emotion of the song."
"Elton John makes you feel the emotion of the song. I'm just copying him."
"No, it was you," said Harry.
Louis snaked an arm around Harry's waist. They both lay back against the bench
seat, arms around each other's waists. "That song makes me said," said Louis,
"because Johnny never comes out to play anymore."
"Me, too," said Harry. "But what it tells me is, you're a wonderful singer."
"Aw, rubbish, Harry, I'm nothing special."
"You are. Anyone can sing, but you put emotion behind your singing," insisted
Harry.
"No," said Louis. "I'm one of millions who can carry a tune. I'm nothing
special."
Harry couldn't convince him otherwise.
***
The holidays continued on. Sometimes Harry turned up at the Doncaster
skatepark, sometimes he travelled to the Sheffield skatepark; sometimes he
worked. All the lads had part-time jobs now, so it was not unexpected to miss
seeing any one of them at a particular venue. On Saturdays no one turned up
anywhere; everyone mostly worked on Saturdays except for Zayn. No one except
for Louis worked on Sundays so Sundays saw them all together, visiting Louis at
McDonald's. Once a week Louis came over for lunch with Mum and the boys.
William came down to the skatepark occasionally and offered up his pool, which
everyone usually took him up on. Harry saw William independently a couple of
times a week. Everything was almost back to normal. Louis looked brighter with
every day that Harry saw him. His recovery this time was much quicker than last
time he'd been in the psychiatric hospital. They were still able to talk every
night on the phone, with occasional interruptions from Louis' father, who
really didn't like Harry for some reason. Louis told him his dad was just
jealous of their relationship, but Harry couldn't understand what a fully grown
man had to be jealous about. He and Harry had totally different roles in Louis'
life.
Inevitably, however, the school year started, and Harry was back to relying on
his phone contact each night with Louis as a poor substitute for seeing him
regularly. Louis' dad bought him new school shoes. He was, Louis said, being
generally nicer, making an effort to talk with his son about how he was feeling
day to day. Louis hated talking about his feelings so his dad's efforts didn't
score any points with him.
"I keep telling him I'm fine, but he keeps probing," said Louis to Harry one
night on the phone.
"I think he got an awakening when you were put in hospital."
"I think he's just acting out a role he thinks he ought to play. Fortunately,
the woman who calls herself my stepmum ignores me. She's freaked out by me
having been in a mental hospital. She's a society lady; it was embarrassing for
her. She hardly ever visited me."
"She's stupid," said Harry.
"I'm going to a party on Saturday night," said Louis. "My dad's actually
letting me."
"Whose party?"
"This kid called Ashton. His parents are apparently out of town. He and I are
science lab partners."
"Ashton?" said Harry. "William was talking about going to a party at a kid
called Ashton's house this Saturday. He asked me to come along."
"You're not coming, Harry."
"I didn't say I was."
"Good," said Louis. "Because it's a Sixth Former's party, not one for Year
Tens. Everyone will be two or three years older than you. I can't believe
William's coming. How does he know Ashton?"
"He's the son of one of his dad's business partners. And there'll be other Year
Tens there, William said so. He's inviting some of his friends from school.
Ashton told him the more the merrier."
"I don't like it," said Louis. "There'll be eighteen year olds there, for
chrissake. You sure you're not coming?"
"I didn't say I wasn't, either," said Harry.
"Harry, be straightforward with me."
"Well, I'm going over to William's. And William's going to the party, so..."
"What does Ms Curtis have to say about that?"
"She thinks I'm having a sleepover at William's," Harry admitted.
"What do William's parents say about it?"
"They're going to be out, William said. They're having some get-together with
friends and William says they usually stay out until well after midnight."
"Harry, you're not going to be out until midnight," said Louis. "In fact,
you're not coming."
"You can't make me not come," Harry pointed out.
"Be reasonable. There's likely to be drinking going on, drug use. You're too
young to be exposed to that."
"I'm not planning on drinking or doing drugs."
"What's William planning?" said Louis.
"I don't know," Harry was forced to admit.
"Harry, you can't come. You simply can't."
"I can if I want," said Harry stubbornly.
"I want to have fun, not be watching out for you all night."
"No one's making you watch out for me," said Harry. "I don't want you to. You
don't need to."
"If you turn up, I'll send you packing," warned Louis.
"I'd like to see you try."
"It'll be embarrassing for you."
"It'll be embarrassing for you, when you don't succeed."
"Harry," began Louis, before falling silent. "I'll tell Ms Curtis," he said,
sounding uncertain.
"You wouldn't," said Harry, made confident by Louis' uncertain tone.
"Damnit, Harry, I just want to protect you."
"I can look after myself."
"I don't trust William. He's already led you into bad ways."
Harry scoffed. "No, he hasn't."
"Watching porn at age thirteen qualifies as bad ways. Having sex at age
thirteen qualifies. I don't like him, Harry. He's a bad influence."
"You've told me that before. You can't choose my friends for me."
"If only I was there," said Louis. "I'd stop you from going even if it meant
not going myself."
"Well, you're not here," said Harry, a little petulantly.
"I'd give anything to be there, you know that."
"I know," sighed Harry. "I don't want to argue with you, Louis."
"I don't want to argue with you, either," said Louis. "But you're not giving me
a choice."
"I'm getting off the phone. Goodbye."
"Harry-"
"I've had enough of this conversation," Harry told him, and hung up. He hated
leaving Louis on a sour note, but he was firm on going to the party. Nothing
was going to stop him, unless Louis told Mum. But he wouldn't, Harry was sure.
Louis liked to deal with things himself, right from the time Harry first moved
in and was being bullied at school. Louis hadn't wanted Mum to know about that,
preferring instead to confront the situation himself. Even though it hadn't
turned out too well at first, Louis was stubborn. But so was Harry, when he
wanted to be.
Chapter End Notes
     Elton John's "Empty Garden" is one of my favourite songs in the whole
     world.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Mum dropped him off at William's house late on Saturday afternoon. He rang the
doorbell, already feeling a little excited. William's mother opened the door.
Harry had met her before. She was a very pretty lady, but never seemed to
smile.
"Oh," she said when she saw Harry. "Come in, I'll just fetch William for you."
She moved to the stairs and called up, "William! Your friend Harry is here!"
Harry heard William clattering down the stairs. "Harry! Mum, Harry's staying
over tonight."
"We haven't discussed this," said William's mother.
"We're just going to play video games and crash. No big deal."
"William, I wish you hadn't arranged it when we were going out."
"You're always going out. I want Harry to sleep over."
"Well... I suppose he's here now," she said. "Really, William, I wish you'd be
more organised."
"I know," said William. "But I'm not."
"You don't try, that's your problem. Well, I've got to get ready for tonight.
What are you going to eat?"
"Nachos."
"Very well. Try not to make a mess of the kitchen."
"Honestly, Mum, I know how to clean up after myself. Come on, Harry, come up to
my room."
It was unusual, to be in William's room. Harry was used to seeing him in the
guest room. William had a king-size single bed, built-in wardrobes, his own TV
and DVD player and a gaming system. He didn't have his mother snooping around
the room--they employed a cleaner--so he kept his porn DVDs and magazines in a
box underneath his bed. He hauled the box out now.
"Have a look at my new magazine," he said, bringing it out.
Harry dumped his backpack which contained his pyjamas and other necessary
things and they sat side by side on the bed, looking at the perfectly
proportioned, nude male bodies. William pointed out the ones he'd wanked to.
William liked them slim; so did Harry. As usual, William offered to let him
borrow it, as usual, Harry said no. He didn't want Mum to come across it. He
wasn't ready to come out to her yet.
"What do you wank to?" asked William. "Do you wank to thoughts of me?"
"Not exactly," said Harry.
"I wank off to thoughts of you, sometimes. Why don't you think of me? Are you
still in love with that other boy?"
"Yes," said Harry.
"You must realise you're never going to have him. Why are you so fixated on
him?"
Harry thought of Louis, thought of his slender frame, his rounded bum, his
feet, his small yet competent hands; he thought of his smile, now more
regularly seen, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, the way his mouth
turned up and showed his lovely teeth; he thought of his protectiveness, his
spontenaiety, his sense of fun; he thought of how it felt to be hugged by him,
kissed by him. Even though they were currently arguing, Harry still loved him
to pieces.
"He's just... everything I want," said Harry.
"Guy doesn't know how lucky he is," murmured William. Harry had been aware for
a while that William had strong feelings for him, stronger than just the sex,
but it was something they didn't talk about.
"What time are we leaving to go to the party?" said Harry.
"Ashton said to turn up any time after seven-thirty. We're going to catch a
taxi there and back. I'll pay."
"Do you want to get there at seven-thirty?"
"Make it eight, when maybe there's something happening. We've got a couple of
hours. What do you want to do?"
"Let's play FIFA," said Harry.
"Okay. We'll eat around seven, once my parents have gone."
At around ten to seven William's mum called up the stairs. "William, we're
leaving!"
"Okay!" William shouted back.
"We'll be home after you go to bed."
"I guessed so!"
Once they were out the door, William and Harry went down to make nachos. They
fooled about in the kitchen, having fun, until the nachos were ready, and took
them back up to William's room.
After that, they started to get ready for their night out. Harry was already
dressed in the trousers and shoes of his choice; he had only to change his
shirt, to a navy blue button-up with silver threads embroidered though it. He
thought it looked pretty smart. William said so, too. William stripped down to
his underwear and modelled various outfits for Harry's perusal. He settled on
jeans, a white t-shirt and a blue jacket embroidered on one pocket with the
motif of a dragon. Harry liked that jacket; coveted it, if he was honest.
"When you grow out of that jacket," said Harry, "will you hand it on to me?"
"Sure," said William. "I'll call the taxi now." He did so, and then took Harry
down to his parents' bar. "I'm taking a bottle of vodka," he said to Harry.
"You can share if you want."
"I don't know," said Harry.
"I won't force you. All the more for me. Can you carry this bottle of coke for
me?"
By the time the taxi arrived, and took them into Sheffield, it was already
eight-thirty. The sign on Ashton's front door read, 'Party time! Go around the
back' so they went through a side gate and into the rear garden. There were
more than a few people hanging out in the garden, talking, smoking, drinking
beer. Louis had been right; they all looked older than him.
"We'll go into the house," said William.
"Are your friends still coming?"
"They said they'd be here by now. We'll have to find them."
Harry looked around in fascination as they entered the house. There was a group
of people sitting in the laundry area, on the washing machine and the dryer,
and beside them was a trough full of ice and beer. They walked up a passage to
come out to the main part of the house. There seemed to be people everywhere,
dancing to the deafening stereo, hanging out on the couches or chairs, or just
milling about. There was a haze in the air and Harry smelt cigarette smoke. He
wondered what Ashton thought about that. Maybe he didn't care.
Harry wondered if he'd even see Louis in the crush of people. He had a mobile
phone now; he could afford it with his wages from the bakery. He could text him
if he wanted. He didn't.
William went into the kitchen, found a few disposable cups, and then they
continued on through the house. They found his friends in the parlour, sitting
on and around a couch.
"You guys, why are you hanging out here? The party's in the main room," said
William.
"We were waiting for you," said one of his friends, Troy.
"Well, I'm here now, so now you can all have fun. Don't suppose any of you
brought any booze?"
"Actually, I nearly managed to bring a six-pack of beer," said Troy. "But my
dad caught me."
"I've got vodka. Who wants a shot?"
All hands went up, except for Harry's. William poured one for him anyway.
Despite his words, he seemed content to remain in the parlour, hanging with his
mates. Harry asked him about it, whispering in his ear.
William whispered back, "Waiting until we're through the vodka. Don't want
someone else getting their grubby mitts on it. Come on, have another shot.
You've piked out on the last two rounds." William abruptly grabbed his empty
cup and filled it, first with alcohol, then coke. "Cheers, Harry," he said,
bumping their cups together. Harry automatically took a sip, and pulled a face.
Vodka was awful. Still, he had to admit he didn't mind the pleasant, warm
feeling moving through him as he finished the cup. They hung out there a while
longer, William persuading Harry to have one more drink. By this time the
bottle of vodka was empty.
"Let's go out in the main room," said William.
"Shouldn't we find Ashton?" said Harry.
"Nah. I'm sure to come across him at some point. I feel like dancing. You wanna
dance?"
"No," said Harry, feeling buzzed, but also feeling like finding Louis. "I'm
going to go look around."
"I'll probably be somewhere around the stereo," said William. He giggled. "Or
maybe in one of the bedrooms."
"You wouldn't," said Harry.
"Nah, I only want you, Harry," William whispered. "We could go into one of the
bedrooms later on, what do you reckon?"
"I'll see," said Harry. Normally he'd say no, but the alcohol was working on
him, making him feel less inhibited. He broke off from William and his friends
and went to find Louis. Frustratingly, he couldn't find him anywhere, not even
in the garden. And he didn't know anyone at the party, so didn't know who to
ask where Louis was. He even ventured back down the passage, to where bedroom
doors were already closed and the sounds of people making out could be clearly
heard. No Louis. Hopefully, he wasn't in one of the bedrooms. Frustrated, he
went back into the main room to find William. There, for the first time, he saw
Louis, dancing energetically near where the table had been pushed back. He was
wearing black jeans and a black shirt. Feeling elated, Harry went up to him.
"Louis!" he yelled over the music, tapping him on the shoulder.
"Harry!" Louis turned around, wide-eyed. "You little brat. I can't believe you
came."
"I said I would."
"Where's William, that little bastard. I'm going to give him a piece of my
mind."
"No, don't," said Harry. "Hang out with me. Who are your friends?"
Louis, pointed to the boys around him. "Alan, Caleb, Ashton, Marcus. Lads, this
is Harry."
Louis' friends waved at him. Harry took particular interest in Ashton. He was
average in every respect; average height, average weight, average looks. Still,
he seemed to know how to put on a party.
"This is a great party," Harry told him.
"Thanks, man. How come you're here?"
"I'm a friend of William's."
"Oh good," Ashton giggled. "We don't have any gatecrashers yet."
"Harry," Louis grabbed Harry's arm urgently, "you really shouldn't be here."
"You've told me that enough this week. I'm here. Deal with it."
Louis looked into his eyes. His pupils were blown; he looked high on something.
"Harry, I've taken E," he said, confirming Harry's suspicions. "I can't look
after you."
"I can look after myself," said Harry.
"Have you taken anything? Had anything to drink?"
"I've given up for the night."
"You've had something, haven't you?"
"Just a couple of shots of vodka." Or three.
"Shit," said Louis. "I knew I shouldn't have taken that bloody E."
"I told you," said Harry patiently, "I've given up for the night. You don't
have to worry about me. I'm not drunk, or anything."
"You sound all right," admitted Louis. "Still... shit."
"Let's dance, Louis!" shouted Ashton.
Louis looked conflicted. Then he said, "Harry, do you want to dance?"
"Yeah," said Harry, the beat getting to him, making him shuffle on his feet
already.
"Harry can join us," said Ashton. He started dancing on the spot, pulling some
very cool moves. He might look average, but he could dance. Louis started up
again, too, and Harry joined in. He loved the feeling of dancing next to Louis.
They kept connecting, arms and elbows mostly, and giggling at each other. Then
Louis decided to slam into Harry deliberately. Harry nearly lost his footing,
he was so unprepared, but gave back as good as he'd got once he found his feet.
They continued on for the rest of the song, slamming into each other, having
the time of their lives. It was only at the end of the song that Louis stopped.
"I need to sit down for a while," he told Harry.
"I'll come with you," said Harry.
They made their way to a space against the wall which wasn't already occupied,
and sat down on the floor.
"I can't believe you came," said Louis.
"You said that already."
"Jesus, Harry. Do you know what you're doing?"
"Apparently more than you do."
"Look, I've just taken an E. It doesn't distort things... much. Just makes me
wanna dance."
"Doesn't it have depression as a side-effect? Are you sure you should be taking
it?"
"Of course I'm not sure. It was on offer, and I took it, all right? Harry," and
Louis put his mouth close to Harry's ear, "let's forget the past couple of
days. I've hated arguing with you."
"Me, too," said Harry.
"It's just, I love you so much, I don't want to see you get hurt."
"It's just a party, Louis."
"It's a party full of drunk people and people who are high. Me being one of
them. I just don't want to see anything bad happen to you."
"Nothing bad will happen to me," Harry assured him.
"You're right, because I'm making sure of that. From now on, you're hanging out
with me."
Harry wasn't complaining. He and Louis got up after a while and danced some
more together, slamming into each other as before. It was a lot of fun. Every
so often, Louis grabbed him and whispered something into his ear. Something
about the music, about the people dancing, about life in general; it didn't
matter to Harry. He lapped up the attention.
"I need to wee," he said, eventually, when his bladder had screamed at him
enough.
"I know where the bathroom to the main bedroom is," said Louis. "I need to wee,
too. I'll come with you."
They made their way past the parlour, up a corridor to the front of the house.
A door was shut at the end.
"What if there's people making out?" said Harry.
"There'd better not be. This is his parents' bedroom."
Harry's fear was unfounded. There was no one in the bedroom. Giggling, they
made their way to the master bathroom and locked themselves in.
"Go on, Harry," said Louis.
"I don't know if I can, with you watching."
Louis turned around. "I won't watch, I swear. Just hurry up. I'm feeling
urgent."
Harry managed to empty his bladder, and Louis took his place while he washed
his hands. He looked in the mirror. He hadn't realised he'd be able to see
Louis, hand on his penis, weeing into the toilet. He quickly looked away. He
was already a little aroused by their dancing; it wouldn't do to get any more
obvious.
Louis stepped up beside him, and Harry moved away from the basin. Louis washed
his hands and dried them on the available towel.
"I can't believe we're in Ashton's parents' bathroom," he giggled suddenly.
For some reason, that seemed funny to Harry, too, and he laughed back. Their
eyes met, and, still laughing, Louis reached out to grab Harry. He squeezed him
tightly. "God, how I miss hugging you," he said, becoming more serious.
"I miss you, too," said Harry, returning the hug just as fiercely. Louis' legs
pressed against his and Harry froze. Louis would surely be able to feel his
arousal.
He obviously could, and it didn't bother him. Instead, he pressed closer to
Harry, running his hands up and down Harry's back. "Harry, I love you so much."
"I love you, too," said Harry. "More than you could imagine."
"Do you really want me? Really?"
Harry's heart leapt. "I really really want you." To make sure he was
understood, he clarified, "I want us to get naked together."
"Oh, Harry," said Louis, and pressed his body more firmly against Harry's.
Harry could feel the beginnings of a hard-on through Louis' pants. "Can I kiss
you?"
"Yes," breathed Harry, and Louis' lips were coming down on his, soft and full
and achingly sweet. They kissed with lips only for a while, Louis moving his
hands though Harry's hair, before Louis moaned and pressed himself full-length
against Harry and experimentally probed Harry's lips with his tongue. Harry's
tongue was all too happy to meet it. Harry lost himself in the feeling of their
mouths together, his tongue moving against Louis'. He could hardly believe it.
All his dreams were coming true. Their bodies pressed tightly together, hips
moving against each other. He writhed back against Louis, feeling Louis'
hardness against his own. He was scared at any second Louis would break
contact, but he didn't. His mouth left off Harry's and he began kissing along
the pulse points in Harry's neck. Harry arched his neck back so Louis could get
better access. He moved his hand in sweeping lines down Louis' back, getting
closer and closer to his bum. Finally, he dared a hand on it. It was everything
he expected. Plump and soft and so very pliable.
"Harry," gasped Louis. "I want you so much."
"I want you, too. Can I touch you?"
"Yes," breathed Louis.
Harry brought his other hand between their bodies, to touch Louis' dick through
his trousers. Louis moaned again and rubbed himself against Harry's hand.
Harry's hand was positioned so he could stimulate the both of them and he made
full use of that. Louis' dick had climbed up in his trousers, allowing Harry to
rub his balls through the material. He got off on the feel of it, Louis' balls
practically in his hand. They began kissing again, and Louis moved a hand
frantically under Harry's shirt, feeling up against his back, his other hand
caressing Harry's neck. It felt so right. It felt like more than Harry could
ever have imagined, and he'd imagined quite a bit.
"Let me, let me," Louis moaned.
"I'm yours. All yours." Harry hit the wall, as Louis' body relentlessly pressed
him back. He leaned up against it, shirt rucked up where Louis was rubbing
circles over his chest, his stomach, his nipples. He felt a couple of his shirt
buttons pop.
Louis moved off his mouth once again, and tucked his head against Harry's,
making the most delicious noises as he rutted against Harry's hand. After a
while Harry took his hand away to put it on Louis' butt, so that both of his
hands were caressing that beautiful expanse. He tried to slip a hand into
Louis' trousers but they were too tight, so he settled for groping him through
his clothes.
"Harry, oh god, I'm getting close," said Louis against Harry's neck, rutting
against Harry's hard-on.
"It's okay. I've got you."
It was Louis' turn to reach a hand down between their bodies. Harry gasped as
he felt Louis' fingers touch his hard-on through his trousers.
"Oh my god," said Harry, feeling his orgasm building. "Oh, Louis."
"Harry, you're so fucking hot." Louis ripped along Harry's zip to get to his
dick. He reached into his underwear, ran his fingers up it and clasped it. It
was too much stimulation for Harry; he came, thrusting against Louis' hand.
With a gasp, a cry, Louis came too, rolling his hips against Harry's, still
pumping Harry's dick.
"Louis," moaned Harry eventually. "Stop."
Louis left off him, but went back to his mouth, kissing him as if his life
depended on it. He rubbed himself against Harry some more, as if his orgasm
wasn't enough for him. "Harry," he mumbled, as he kissed desperately into his
lips, "you're so amazing."
He didn't seem to be having any regrets; not yet, at least. "I love you so
much, Louis," said Harry.
"I love you, too. Oh god. That's the most amazing I've ever felt."
Abruptly Harry remembered Louis was on E. But that wasn't an explanation. Louis
was acting every bit as if he'd wanted Harry for a long time. Maybe the E was
enough to get him to admit it, but that was all.
Harry's dick was out of his underwear, poking through his fly. He had cum all
over his trousers. Louis leaned down and abruptly kissed the head of his dick.
Harry jerked at the stimulation. In the way he never was with William, he was
willing to go a second round with Louis.
"You're a mess, Harry," giggled Louis.
Harry could see damp patches seeping through Louis' trousers. "So are you."
Louis looked down at himself. "Oh my god, that's so obvious. We're going to
have to hide out in the bathroom for the rest of the night."
They both laughed at each other. Louis looked so bright, his laughing mouth so
beautiful, eyes crinkled up.
"They must have tissues in here somewhere." Harry, ducking his head around
Louis, spotted a box on the countertop.
"Wait," said Louis. "This might get messier."
"No, we should clean up as much as we can before it dries," said Harry, pushing
a reluctant Louis off him.
"You're so practical, Harry." He followed Harry over to the counter and stood
behind him while Harry dampened tissues and attempted to mop the cum from his
clothes. Then Louis stepped aside, undid his zipper, and grabbed a handful of
tissues, shoving them in his underwear. "Gross. I haven't come in my pants
since making out with Marissa years ago." He tossed his wad of tissues in the
bin and took his shoes and trousers off, slinging the jeans over the shower
rail. "Please dry," he said to his trousers, and looked at Harry and laughed
again.
Harry, meanwhile, had finished cleaning himself off as much as he could and had
tucked his dick back in his underwear, and was staring at Louis dressed in just
his shirt and underwear, his feet sockless as usual. His dick jumped at the
sight of Louis' sturdy legs, at the bulge in his underwear. He was aware he was
staring, open-mouthed.
"What?" said Louis. "I'm not kidding, I'm not going back out there until my
jeans dry."
"No, it's... take your shirt off."
"Take yours off," said Louis.
Harry's was already half-undone. He rushed to get the rest of the buttons
undone, and tossed his shirt on the counter. Louis meanwhile was doing the
same. Louis came up behind Harry once again and put his arms around him from
behind, looking into the mirror. Harry looked into the mirror as well. He saw
himself in Louis' embrace, Louis nuzzling his neck. Their eyes met.
"Harry, why have you put yourself away? Don't you want to go again?"
"Yes, I want to go again."
"Take your trousers off," said Louis.
Harry obeyed, kicking his shoes off first. Louis didn't make it easy for him,
continuing to embrace him. Eventually, he was able to step out of his trousers.
Louis had begun caressing his body, kissing him on the back of the neck. Harry
leaned back into the feeling of Louis' hands over his body. His dick was
already half-hard again. Louis' hands moved lower and lower, until he was
slipping fingers beneath the waistband of Harry's boxer-briefs. He brushed his
fingers over the front of Harry's boxers and Harry gasped and twitched. Louis
kept doing that, caressing his body with one hand, teasing him around his
boxers with his other, kissing him on the throat now. Harry leaned his head
back. He wanted Louis' lips on his own. Louis obliged him. They kissed
heatedly.
"Take them off," murmured Louis into his mouth, pulling at his underwear.
Trembling, Harry did so, slipping them down his legs and kicking them away from
his feet. He was now totally naked except for his socks. His dick jutted up
against his stomach with the thought of it. He looked into the mirror again. He
could see his nudity, see Louis almost naked behind him, his hands inching
lower to Harry's dick. It was an immense turn-on.
"Louis, I want you so bad," said Harry. "Touch me."
"I wonder if I could make you come without touching your dick," said Louis
thoughtfully.
"You probably could, but please don't. Please touch me."
Idly, Louis trailed a hand down to Harry's growing patch of pubic hair. He
circled around, and went for Harry's balls instead, lovingly paying attention
to each of them. Harry craned his neck back, asking for a kiss, and Louis
obliged. Their tongues were moving together when Louis finally touched his
dick. Harry moaned, and moaned again. God, it felt so good. Louis danced
fingers over his dick, making Harry feel all the more frantic for his touch.
"Louis..."
"Yes, baby?"
"Touch me, please."
"But I am touching you," said Louis, trailing his fingers lightly over Harry's
dick again.
"Properly," said Harry.
"You mean like this?" Abruptly, Louis took hold of Harry's dick in his hand and
squeezed. The pleasure was intense.
"Yes, like that," gasped Harry. "Move your hand."
Louis jerked him a few times. "Like this?"
"Yes. Yes." He lost himself in the pleasure for a while, but became aware of
Louis' hard-on against him. "Take your boxers off. I want to feel you."
Louis briefly left of Harry's dick to obey, then returned to it, pressing
himself firmly up behind Harry. Harry could feel Louis' hard cock against the
top of his bum, the small of his back. He wished he'd catch up to Louis in
height already; he wanted his dick against his arse, but had to accept the fact
that Louis was taller.
"That better?" said Louis.
"Yes." Louis ran his hand up his shaft again. "Oh, yeah. Keep doing that."
Louis continued to wank Harry's dick, while caressing him with his spare hand.
Harry felt stimulated all over his body. He was so warm, he'd begun to sweat.
He thrust his hips almost in time with Louis' jerks, all the while feeling
Louis' cock neglected against his back.
"You," said Harry, "you all right?"
"I'm fine. Let me do this for you." Louis' hand was relentless on his dick, and
the warmth built in Harry's groin, spreading outwards. He was surprised at his
reaction whenever Louis stroked over a nipple; it turned his whole torso into
an erogenous zone, particularly since he had four of them. Harry began to lose
himself in what Louis' hands were doing to him.
Harry opened his eyes--he hadn't realised he'd closed them--and was confronted
with the sight of himself in the mirror being jerked by Louis. His dick was
reddened at the tip and fully erect. He watched Louis' hand move up and down
his shaft. It turned him on even more to watch. He looked up to Louis' face.
Louis was looking down at his hand on Harry's dick, his mouth opened, his eyes
half-lidded. As Harry looked at him, he lifted his eyes and met Harry's gaze in
the mirror.
"You're so fucking sexy," growled Louis, as Harry writhed against him, seeking
as much contact as possible.
"Louis, what about you?"
"Harry, I'm on E, I hardly need a touch to cum. I want to do this for you. God,
you're hot. Look at you."
Harry looked back to the mirror. His body was flushed red down to his chest.
His dick was leaking pre-cum, which Louis was currently gathering and spreading
over his shaft. He watched Louis caress his chest, feeling every touch like it
was supercharged. Louis began to wank Harry harder, faster. Harry stretched his
body out impossibly, trying to get every inch of himself touching against
Louis. Louis' dick felt hot and heavy against his arse and back.
"Louis, touch yourself. I want you to touch yourself."
Louis breathed out sharply. He took his hand off Harry's chest and pressed it
against his cock up against Harry's arse and back. He wanked his own cock
against Harry's back, even as he jerked Harry off. Harry was going mad with the
stimulation. All that existed for him was Louis' hand on him, Louis' dick
against him, Louis' body pressed against his back, Louis' mouth on his ear.
Loius broke off touching himself. "I'm too close," he apologised to Harry. "I
want to see you cum first."
Harry breathed heavily. "I'm nearly there. Just keep... keep doing that."
"You like it?"
Harry let out a long moan. "I love it. You're making me feel... so good."
"Harry, you've got your eyes closed again. I want you to watch yourself. You're
so hot."
Harry half-opened his eyes, seeing himself spread out in front of the mirror,
Louis' hand working furiously on him, Louis all around him. His legs were
beginning to feel boneless; he didn't know how much longer he could keep
standing.
"Louis... " Harry abruptly slipped downwards, onto the floor. He couldn't stand
any longer. He felt the loss of Louis' hand against him. He'd been so close. If
only he could have kept his feet for a few seconds longer.
But Louis slipped down with him, and turned Harry to face him, pulling his
thighs over his own, so that they were close together. Now Harry could see
Louis' hard cock between his legs, could see how he was leaking copious amounts
of pre-cum. I did that to Louis, Harry thought dazedly, just before Louis' hand
was on him once again. Then he nearly ceased to have any thoughts at all, the
stimulation was too much. His only thought was, Louis. Louis, caressing his
chest once again, Louis, jerking him off at a relentless pace.
"Louis, I'm going to cum," moaned Harry.
"Cum for me, baby. Come on, let it all out."
Harry's breathing was ragged. His hips thrust forward, again and again. It was
too much. He was over the edge. He came, closing his eyes, allowing Louis' hand
to pump him through orgasm. Stars burst behind his eyes.
"Yeah, Harry," coaxed Louis. "Yeah, keep cumming. You're so hot. Keep cumming."
Harry came until he was exhausted, slipping bonelessly against the cupboards of
the bathroom. He opened his eyes, dazed, to see Louis was still at full
hardness. Ridiculously, his dick twitched at the sight, even though it was
spent.
"Louis, what about you?"
"I can get myelf off," said Louis dismissively.
"But I want to touch you."
"You do?"
"Louis, how can you even ask that? I want to touch you so badly."
Louis looked hesitant, but didn't prevent Harry's hand moving towards his dick.
Louis half-gasped, half-moaned, as Harry took hold of him and began to move his
hand. "Oh, Harry. That's just... that's just perfect."
It took no time at all to get Louis off. He shot his load at Harry and over
Harry's fist, making the most delightful whimpering noises. Afterwards, he
moved forward and fell into Harry's arms, hugging him tightly. "Harry. You're
so fucking amazing, you know that?"
Harry nearly made a mistake. He said, "I'm experienced."
Louis pulled back. "That William. I don't want you to see him anymore."
"I won't," said Harry. "I was only ever seeing him until you woke up."
"Well, I'm awake now, and I don't want you seeing William. You're mine, all
mine, get it?"
"It's going to be awkward, because I'm going back to his place tonight," said
Harry.
"You're not," said Louis. "You're coming with me."
"To your dad's house?"
"Well, yeah. If you turn up, he can't say no, can he?"
"Louis, he hates me. He could say no, and then where would I be?"
"I don't want to leave you with William."
"Maybe it's for the best. I can break up with him now, instead of later."
"You sure you won't have sex with him?"
"I won't," promised Harry.
"You're mine," growled Louis again, clutching at Harry possessively. They
stayed like that for a long time, rubbing their hands over each other, kissing,
caressing, whispering sweet nothings. It wasn't until they heard a couple of
people enter the bedroom that Louis stood up. "I'll see if my pants are dry,"
he said, flipping them back over the shower rail. "Yep. What about yours?"
Harry got up to check. He'd done a decent job with the damp tissues; the cum-
stains were unnoticeable. "I'm good," he said.
"We're going to have to run the gauntlet of a couple making out," giggled
Louis, picking his underwear up from the floor. Harry got a last look at him,
naked, his narrow shoulders, the beautiful curve of his hips, his legs muscular
from so much skateboarding. He felt dry-mouthed. He could go again.
Louis continued to get dressed, and, reluctantly, Harry followed him. But being
in a bathroom in a foreign house made him cooperative; there was far nicer
places to have sex. Once they were both fully dressed, Louis switched the light
off and eased the door open. Harry pointedly did not look at the couple making
out on the bed as they slunk through the room. They weren't noticed.
Outside the door, he and Louis giggled together. "Let's dance," said Louis, as
the beat of the music became more pronounced.
"Here?" said Harry. There was no one else around in the dead space beside the
front door.
"Okay, here."
They began dancing, arms and legs moving together in tandem, getting tangled up
occasionally. The music was not quite loud enough at this part of the house to
cover up the sounds from the couple making love in the bedroom, however.
"We have to go," said Louis. "They're getting to me."
Harry took his hand, and led him out to the main room. He pulled Louis into a
space where they could dance together. Blissing out, Harry danced with Louis.
Louis was wild, his arms going like wildfire, his head shaking, his legs
writhing. They bumped into each other more than was necessary, although given
the amount of people dancing, some bumping was necessary. Harry felt himself
getting hard again. Louis was so sexy.
Harry didn't know how much longer it was, but he was interrupted by William.
"Where have you been all night?" William shouted into his ear.
"About."
"You haven't. I've been looking for you forever."
"I was busy," giggled Harry.
"You weren't... you weren't in one of the bedrooms?"
"No."
"Where were you?" demanded William.
"The bathroom," said Harry.
"You were with someone else, weren't you?"
At that point, Louis decided to intervene. "Piss off," he told William.
"Harry's my boyfriend, you know it, and I'll talk to him whenever I want.
Harry, were you with someone else?"
"I was with Louis," said Harry.
"It's not fair. I'm your boyfriend. Wait." William's expression suggested
something was dawning on him. "It's not Louis you're in love with?" Harry just
stared at him. William said, "It is, isn't it? I knew it. I thought you
couldn't, because you were like brothers, but you've always been obsessed with
him. No way. I can't believe it."
"What are you two talking about?" Louis asked Harry, breaking off his dancing
for a moment.
"You don't want to know," Harry told him. "Keep dancing."
"Not Louis," repeated William. "It's not fair. I can't compete with him. You've
got him on a pedestal."
"I'm sorry, William, that's the way I feel," said Harry.
"Oh my god. You had sex with him, didn't you?"
Harry glanced at Louis, who was still dancing, though looking annoyedly at
Willam. "Yes," he confessed to William.
"Oh my god. Harry. We promised each other. We'd be exclusive."
"I'll have to split up with you, then," said Harry.
"No! I don't want you to."
"I have to, William. I won't come back to your place if you don't want me to."
"Of course I want you to," said William. "Harry, Louis is a dead end. He's two
years older than you, he lives in Sheffield; whereas you see me every day at
school, and we have a place to go, and, we just fit together."
"I'm sorry," said Harry. He glanced at Louis. Louis was dancing with a girl.
Harry felt jealous. He didn't want Louis to dance with anyone but him.
"Harry, how can you do this to me?"
"William, it's not about you," Harry tried to explain. "This is something I've
wanted for a long time. I told you, going in, I was in love with someone else.
I've kept telling you that."
William looked like he was in distress. "Let's go home."
"I don't want to."
"It's eleven-thirty. To make sure we're back by the time my parents get home,
we have to leave right now."
Harry realised he was right. "Just a minute." He caught Louis' attention away
from the girl. "Louis, it's eleven-thirty. Don't you have a curfew with your
dad?"
"Shit," said Louis. "I'll have to tell him I couldn't get a taxi."
"Come with us," said Harry. "We'll drop you home first."
William made the call, and they went out through the back of the house, through
the garden, to the front lawn. They sat down on the kerb, waiting for the taxi
to come.
"So, Louis," said William, seated on the left side of Harry. Louis was on
Harry's other side. "I hear you're fucking my boyfriend."
Louis startled. "What? We never."
"So you're having sex with him. Same thing."
"It just happened," said Louis.
"How could you? You two are like brothers."
"It's none of your business."
"He's my boyfriend. It's every bit my business."
"William," pleaded Harry. "Let's not talk about it."
"No, Harry, I'm talking about it. Louis, you're sixteen. Harry's only fourteen.
Don't you think you're a bit old for him?"
"He's been having sex for over a year. What difference does his age make?" said
Louis.
"Everything, and you know it, if you're honest with yourself," said William.
"You're taking advantage of a kid."
"Oh, and you're not?"
"I'm only four months older than Harry," said William. "I'm not doing anything
wrong. You are."
"William," said Harry, "I swear to god if you keep this up, I'm not coming home
with you."
"Can you blame me? I'm losing you."
"Louis, ignore what he says," said Harry, putting an arm around Louis. Louis
didn't shrug him off, but didn't say anything either, instead looking pensively
across the street. "William, if you screw things up between me and Louis-"
"How can I? You're doing what you do. It's up to Louis how his conscience deals
with it."
"He's got nothing to apologise for."
"Then fine," said William bitterly. "You'll be happy ever after. Great."
"Shut up, William," said Louis.
William, surprisingly, obeyed. Harry squeezed Louis tightly around the
shoulders. They waited in silence.
***** Chapter 8 *****
The taxi came soon afterwards. They all got into it, and Louis directed the
driver to his address. They sat in silence during the cab ride, Harry between
Louis and William. Then they stopped off at Louis' address.
"Louis, I love you," he said, as Louis set himself to get out of the taxi.
"I know," said Louis. "Look after yourself."
Harry watched him walk away through William's window. He wondered how much
trouble he'd be in. Probably enough that his dad would never let him go to a
party again.
The taxi then took them back to Doncaster. William didn't seem inclined to
talk, so Harry sat back and listened to the radio. The taxi driver had it set
on a classic rock station, so there were lots of old numbers played which made
Harry feel nostalgic. Eventually, they pulled up to William's driveway. William
paid the driver, and he drove off into the night.
William stared at Harry. "Come on up."
Harry followed him, a sense of trepidation overcoming him. What was William
going to do?
Nothing, it seemed. If it wasn't for the silence, it would seem like everything
was normal. William inflated the airbed that Harry was to sleep on, and fetched
him a sleeping bag. Harry changed into his pyjamas, whereas William stripped
off to just his underwear. Normally, Harry would wear just his underwear, too,
but he felt self-conscious doing so at William's, no matter how many times
they'd had sex, and especially now.
They got into bed. William left his bedside lamp on. "So, what's going to
happen now?" he asked Harry.
"We promised each other, like you said. I broke that promise. I guess that
means we're no longer together."
"No," said William. "You don't get off that easy. I forgive you. I forgive you
for having sex with Louis. If you swear you'll never do it again, I want you
back."
"I can't swear to that. I don't want to swear to that," said Harry honestly.
"Harry, do you know what you're doing to me?"
Harry had a feeling. It was the same deal as with Melody. William was in love
with him. But there was nothing Harry could do about that. It was what it was.
At Harry's lack of reply, William said, "You're killing me, you know that? I
feel so much for you, but you, you've never felt the same way back. I've
accepted that, up until now. Now, I don't know what to do. I want you so badly,
Harry. Will you sleep with me?"
"I can't," said Harry. "I've just spent the night having sex with Louis." He
looked up at William. William had closed his eyes, a pained expression on his
face.
"That doesn't matter to me," said William, eyes still closed. "I still want
you."
"I know," said Harry. "But all I want is Louis."
"He's practically your brother, for crissake."
"But he's not. I chose to open up to him. He chose to open up to me. It's
different from being brothers."
"If that makes you feel better at the end of the day."
"I was always attracted to him," said Harry. "I just didn't know what it meant,
at first."
William was silent for a while. Just when Harry thought he might have fallen
asleep, he said, "Come lie with me."
"What?"
"Don't make me beg. Come lie with me."
It wouldn't do any harm. Harry stood up, in his pyjamas, and got into William's
bed. William enfolded him in his grasp.
"Harry, you don't know what you're doing to me. I love you, for crissake."
"You never said."
"Like it would have made a difference," said William, burrowing into his neck.
"You had it in your mind that you loved Louis, and he was the only one ever
going to satisfy you. God, I've been such an idiot."
"You haven't," Harry reassured him. "It's just, we never said we loved each
other. If you'd said that, I would have split up from you."
"I know it, which was why I never said it. But you're splitting up with me now,
so there's no harm in saying it."
"I'm sorry, William."
"I know you, Harry, and I believe you really are sorry. But it doesn't make me
feel any better."
Harry, tentatively, because he didn't want to start something, stroked
William's back. William murmured into his neck and accepted the contact,
stroking Harry back. William didn't force the issue, although Harry could feel
his hard-on.
"Go to sleep, Harry," said William. "It's going to be a long time before I
follow you."
Harry left off stroking William, and obediently tried to sleep. It wasn't easy,
though, because William kept sighing, kept stroking him. Once he thought he
heard a sob. Eventually, though, his sheer tiredness caused him to drift to
sleep.
***
Harry woke up in the morning, wrapped in William's arms. William appeared to be
asleep, at least, until Harry moved. Then his eyes sprung open. They were red,
maybe the result of too little sleep, maybe from crying.
"Harry," said William.
"Hi," said Harry lamely.
"I can't believe you're leaving me."
"Have you slept at all?"
"No," said William. "Not a wink."
"We can still be friends. It worked out all right between me and my ex-
girlfriend Melody. We were able to stay friends."
"I want anything you can give me," said William. "Of course we'll be friends.
You can keep coming over to my house after school. I just won't ask you into
the guest room any more."
"Thanks, William. You're being really understanding," said Harry.
"What choice to I have? If I don't, I will lose you forever. I'm not willing to
let that happen."
Harry stretched, abruptly aware he was rubbing against William's morning hard-
on. "Sorry," he said, quickly.
"Harry," groaned William. "You're too much."
Harry jumped out of William's bed. "I'll get dressed."
He did so, purposely not looking in William's direction. Once he was in his
trousers and shoes and shirt from yesterday afternoon, he looked up.
Unsurprisingly, William was looking at him from his bed.
"William," said Harry, disapprovingly.
"Sorry," said William, getting up. "It just might be the last time I get to
perve on you, that's all."
William got dressed into jeans, a t-shirt, and a jumper, and took Harry
downstairs for breakfast.
"Oh, good," said William's mum. "I was just about to awaken you two. I've got
scrambled eggs and bacon cooking."
"Yum," said William. "How about bread? Do you want any bread?" he asked Harry.
"Yes, please."
"Get the bread out, William," said his mum, "and set some bread-and-butter
plates."
William did so, and beckoned Harry to sit down adjacent to him. William's
father came into the room. "Hello, young Harry," he said.
"Hello," said Harry, wondering why he didn't greet his son.
Breakfast was soon served, and Harry ate heartily. He felt uncomfortable in
William's family's presence, and once William's father took his leave from the
breakfast table, took his own.
William was finished. Harry said to William's mum, "Thanks for the breakfast,
it was lovely."
"That's all right, dear. I must say, you're the politest of the friends William
has brought back."
"My Mum raised me well," he said. He meant his own birth mother, and Ms Curtis.
Both had instilled manners into him.
"Come on," said William, dragging Harry up the stairs. Once they were in his
room, William tried to kiss him.
Harry turned away. "No, William."
"Harry... I can't lose you."
"You've got no choice."
William sighed. "I won't say anything against him again, but I still think
you're making the wrong decision."
"I'm not," said Harry firmly. "I'm making the choice that should always have
been."
"Do you want to hang out, or go home?"
"Go home. Let me phone my mum."
"No need to use the parents' phone. Use mine," said William, handing his mobile
phone to Harry. Harry called Mum and she said she'd be down straight away to
pick him up.
"I should go out and wait," said Harry, finishing packing his backpack.
"I'll come with you," said William. "I'll wait with you."
So they both sat out on William's brick letterbox, waiting for Mum to arrive.
"Harry," said William. "I've got something to tell you."
"Okay."
"I love you. I'll always love you. You're so fucking amazing, you know that?"
"William, I'm just another boy," said Harry.
"No, you're not. You're much more than that. Harry," and William wrapped him up
in a hug, "you're the most amazing person I've ever met."
An echo of his old foster home, his being worthless, ran through Harry. What
did William see in him? It must be the sex.
"You'll do better than me," Harry reassured him.
"I won't. Not for a long time, I know that. It'll be back to circle jerks in
the backyard."
"Aren't you ever worried you'll be exposed?"
"Of course I am. But what can I do? I'm so horny. I saved myself for you for so
long. Now I've got nothing to save myself for."
"I'm sorry," Harry repeated.
"So am I. But it was good while it lasted, yeah?"
"Yeah, it was," said Harry.
"I just hope your Louis makes you happy," said William. "I don't trust him. He
holds your heart in his hands. What's to say he won't cut it off?"
"He won't," said Harry. "I know he loves me."
"Oh, sure, he loves you, that's obvious. But does he accept it?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you're gonna go home right now, and you're going to phone Louis. What
happens if his phone rings out, huh? I don't trust him."
"He wouldn't do that to me," said Harry firmly.
"Oh, wouldn't he? Here's your mum."
Mum's van pulled up into the driveway and Harry leapt up. "You're still one of
my best friends," he told William, as he turned to go.
"Way to make me feel happy," said William, but he waved his hand as Harry
turned back. "I love you. I'll see you in school."
"Okay," said Harry, hefting his backpack, feeling comforted at William's not so
extreme reaction to the events of last night. He genuinely liked William, just
as he'd liked Melody. Fortunately Melody had remained his friend. Hopefully
William would, too.
Mum was happy to see him. "Did you have a nice time over at William's?"
"Yeah. We played FIFA, and ate nachoes." Harry deliberately didn't mention the
events of the rest of the night.
"I'm so pleased you're making friends outside of Niall and Liam and Zayn."
"I've always had friends outside the boys. Particularly this year."
"In your first year or two, you didn't."
"No," admitted Harry, "but I branched out. Now I've got loads of friends. More
than I can keep up with, really."
"Harry." Mum ruffled Harry's hair. "You were always the boy, aside from Louis,
that I worried most about, but it seemed I was mistaken. You know how to make
friends."
"I do," said Harry. "You don't need to worry about me."
"I can't help it," admitted Mum. "I worry about all you boys."
"I'm popular," said Harry. "That means I've got plenty of friends. Please don't
worry about me."
They arrived home, and Harry hauled his backpack out. He took it into the
house. Mum followed him. "Lunch is in less than an hour. Don't get too absorbed
in anything."
Harry unpacked his backpack into his room, still, despite the reality of the
last couple of years, feeling the loss of Louis. He tossed his pyjamas onto
Louis' bed, took his bathroom stuff to the bathroom, and chucked the rest into
the laundry pile. Then he went back to his room, and called up Louis on his
mobile phone. The answering service told him either the phone was switched off,
or out of range. Harry hummed annoyedly, but put his phone aside for a while.
He tried again about twenty minutes later. Still the same message.
It continued on all morning. Harry began to think, what if Louis had switched
off his phone? But why would he? He went down to the Sheffield skatepark later
than normal, after midday. Zayn had gone down earlier. He saw Darren and Zayn
and the others, skateboarding with them until it was time to leave to see Louis
at McDonald's.
There was no sign of Louis at McDonald's. They looked at each other, and got in
a queue. "Where's Louis?" Darren asked the girl seving them.
"He's called in sick."
They put their orders in. Darren said, "He must have had a good time at that
party last night."
"He hasn't answered his phone all day," said Leo.
"He must be nursing one hell of a hangover."
Harry wondered. Had Louis been drunk as well? His own mouth had been stinging
with vodka so it wasn't like he could taste alcohol on Louis' mouth if he'd
drunk any.
They took their trays to the outside area as usual, still discussing Louis, and
what he might have gotten up to at the party. Harry hadn't told them he'd been.
It was probably a bit late to do so, now. They'd wonder why he'd hidden it. He
hadn't, he just hadn't thought to say anything at first.
Harry sat silently eating his meal. That little bit of anxiety that he'd been
feeling when Louis didn't answer his phone had intensified. William couldn't be
right, could he? Surely there was no way Louis could deny his feelings now.
They'd had sex twice, and Louis had shown no sign of regret afterwards.
Harry had finished eating. He abruptly stood up. "I'm going over to Louis'
house." He'd never been before, too scared of Louis' dad, but knew where he
lived.
"I'll come with you," said Darren.
They all wanted to go. After all, what was the worst that could happen? His dad
wouldn't let them see Louis. Harry was of two minds about it all; he felt much
more protected going in a group but he really wanted to talk to Louis by
himself.
It took them less than fifteen minutes to walk there. The house was in a nice
area, and of quite a decent size. The gardens were well-kept. A path led up to
the house. The front door was large and looked heavy. Harry stepped aside and
allowed Darren to ring the doorbell.
A man answered the door. He was fairly ordinary looking; not a monster at any
rate. Harry felt a bit less scared of him.
"Is Louis home, please?" asked Darren. "We've come to visit him."
"He's ill," said Louis' dad. "Besides which, he's grounded for two weeks."
Harry felt relieved at the words. That explained why Louis' phone was off. It
was nothing to do with what William had said.
"We've come all the way from Doncaster to see him," said Darren. "Can't you
please bend your rules, just this once?"
"I'm sorry, but he broke curfew last night and he knows how serious that is.
I'm afraid you can't see him," said Louis' dad.
"Look, he's still not one hundred percent back to normal. In two weeks he could
have a relapse."
Louis' dad looked perturbed. "The punishment stands. But I'll let him have his
phone back in a week's time."
"Thank you, sir," said Darren. "It'll mean a lot to him."
They all trooped back along the front path, disappointed.
"You don't really think he'll relapse, do you?" said Leo.
"I don't know. Hopefully not, now that he can look forward to getting his phone
back in a week."
"He's got email now," said Harry. "His dad bought him a computer."
"He has?" said Darren. "You'll have to write his address down for me. Anyone
got a pen?" No one had a pen. "Tell me the address. Maybe I'll remember it."
"I hope he's not banned from email, too," said Leo.
"If the computer's in his room, it'll be hard for his dad to police," Darren
pointed out. "May as well try, anyway."
Harry gave them Louis' hotmail address, donnyskataboy, and the others all tried
to remember it.
"Easy enough," said Leo.
"Yeah, I should be able to remember that," said Darren. "If not, Harry, I'll
phone you this evening."
"Sure," said Harry. "I'm going to the bus-stop. I want to go email him right
now."
"You're always so urgent about things, Harry. You can skate another couple of
hours, surely."
"No, I really need to talk to him."
They all said goodbye to him and Harry headed to the bus-stop. He arrived back
home eventually and went straight to the computer in Zayn's room. Fortunately
no one was using it. Harry logged into his own hotmail account. He wondered
what to write. Eventually, he wrote,
'Dear Louis, we went to your house today but your dad wouldn't let us see you.
I got home from the party okay. I broke up with William. I really hate that
you're grounded. I'm going to miss you. Love, Harry."
He pressed send, and hung around on the computer for another hour. No reply was
forthcoming. Harry sighed and got up. Maybe Louis just wasn't on the computer.
After all, his messenger had shown he wasn't online. Maybe he was banned from
the computer. It was awful timing, his being grounded. Harry still felt
anxious, and needed some reassurance. He couldn't easily go from having sex
with Louis, to not speaking to him for a week.
He went and lay on his bed and closed his eyes, letting images and sensations
from the previous night flood him. The way Louis tasted, his intoxicating
scent, the way he looked wrapped around Harry in the mirror, his leaking cock
at the end of it all. He got a hard-on but didn't do anything about it. He
wanted Louis' touch. Masturbation just wasn't going to be the same.
***
Harry checked again in the evening, before dinner, but there was still no
reply. He composed another mail to Louis.
'Hi Louis, I thought of what we did last night. I got hard. I want you so
badly. Tell me how I can survive the next two weeks? Why didn't we keep an eye
on the time? Love, Harry.'
It was abrupt, because Mum called him to dinner. Harry went off to dinner, did
the dishes afterwards, and came back to the computer. No reply, and the
messenger service said Louis was still offline. Harry went and phoned Darren.
"Have you heard from Louis?" he asked.
"Yeah, he emailed me back. We had a bit of a back and forth."
"What did his messenger say? Did it say he was online or not?"
"I don't know, mate, I don't have hotmail. I've got yahoo."
"Oh. Well, what did he say? What did you say to him, and what did he say back?"
"I said I was sorry we couldn't see him, and what exactly had he got up to at
that party," said Darren. "He told me he did something he shouldn't. How vague,
right? So, I asked him some more, and he said he took E. I told him not to
worry about it. Well, of course, first I told him off, then I told him not to
worry about it. He was really worried about it."
"Did he say anything else?" said Harry.
"No."
"Nothing else that he did, or anything?"
"He told me he danced a lot. Oh, yeah, I asked him if he got it on with anyone,
and he said he didn't want to talk about it. You can infer from that what you
like, I guess."
"He got it on with somebody," said Harry.
"Well, yeah, that was kind of my impression," said Darren.
"Did he say anything else about it?"
"Why do you want to know, you horndog?"
"I'm just interested, that's all," said Harry.
"No," said Darren, "he didn't say anything else. I got the impression he didn't
want to talk about it. Maybe it went badly, or something."
It hadn't gone badly. It had been the most erotic thing Harry had ever
participated in. He knew, he just knew, it was the same for Louis. It had been
special. Harry wasn't surprised he didn't want to talk about it with Darren.
He rung off, and went back to Zayn's room to check his email. Zayn was there,
playing on his Game Boy.
"Do you mind if I use the computer?" asked Harry.
Zayn didn't look up. "Go ahead."
Harry checked his email. No reply from Louis. But he'd replied to Darren. Why
wasn't he replying to Harry? Harry sent a third email, asking how he was,
telling him he'd spoken to Darren, and why wasn't he replying to Harry?
"Zayn," said Harry, "would you do me a favour? Would you email Louis for me?"
"I'm busy," said Zayn. "Shit. No, I'm not. I just lost my last life."
"Sorry."
Zayn looked up. "Not your fault. What do you want me to do?"
Harry explained, and got up so that Zayn could sit down at the computer.
"Okay," said Zayn. "I'll just say I'm sorry that he's ill, tell him we're gonna
miss him, that maybe we'll see him next Sunday if he gets to work. That okay?"
"Perfect," said Harry.
Zayn composed and sent his message. "It's only an hour and a half till
bedtime," he pointed out. "We may not get a reply tonight."
"I've got some homework to do," said Harry, who'd been putting his homework off
all weekend. "I'll come back in an hour, okay?"
"Okay," said Zayn, starting up a new game.
Harry threw himself determinedly into his homework for an hour, and managed to
get most of it done. Then he went back to Zayn's room.
"Have you checked for a reply?" he asked Zayn.
"No. I'll check now if you like." Zayn went over to the computer once again and
logged in to his email. "Yeah, he's replied."
Harry perked up. "What does he say?"
"Come see for yourself."
Harry read the reply on the screen. 'Zayn, it's okay, I just need a couple of
days in bed, that's all. I should be fine by next Sunday. See you at
McDonald's. Louis.'
"I want to see if he's replied to me," said Harry. Zayn got up. He hovered at
Harry's shoulder. "Um, Zayn? Could I have some privacy?"
"Sure, bro." Zayn sat down on his bed on the far side of the room and looked
expectantly at Harry. Harry turned back to the computer.
He had a message from Louis. He paused, breathing heavily, before he opened it.
'Harry, I'm so confused. Please forgive me. Louis.'
Harry's stomach dropped. What was Louis saying? He stared blankly at the
screen, ostensibly reading the message over and over, but really just staring
into himself. What did he need to be forgiven for? It was mutual. What was he
confused over? He hadn't been confused last night. All of a sudden, Harry knew
what he'd been denying all day. Louis was linking this back to Coach Morrison's
abuse of him, his concern that Harry had imprinted on him, his fear of turning
into an abuser himself. And Harry had no way other than email of getting it
through to his head that it wasn't the case. Harry knew what he wanted. He knew
what he wanted for years, it had just taken him a while to figure it out. He
wanted Louis. It was nothing to do with imprinting, nothing to do with Louis
being anything like Coach Morrison. He had to convince him of that. But all he
had was email.
"He replied?" said Zayn.
"Yeah. I'm writing a reply now."
"Can I see Louis' email?"
"No, it's private."
"Okay. You do what you have to do. I'm going to hang out with Niall and Liam."
Zayn stood up and left the room. Harry was relieved. Now he had privacy to
complete his email.
'Dear Louis. There's nothing to forgive. I wanted it. I wanted it with you. I
told you I split up with William. That's what you wanted, isn't it? So we could
be together? Why are you acting like this all of a sudden? Don't say Coach
Morrisson. You're nothing like him. Louis, I love you. Sexually. I always have.
Why won't you accept it? Love, Harry.'
Harry played computer games until it was time to go to bed. He did a last
refresh of his email, but there was no reply from Louis forthcoming. He had to
go to bed with the awful feeling that Louis was rejecting what had happened
between them, that he felt guilty, that he didn't want it with Harry again.
Harry had only just got what he wanted. He didn't want to give it up that soon.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Over the next few days, Harry emailed Louis a lot. He only got sparse,
unsatisfactory responses. He didn't want to discuss it over email, Louis wrote.
Harry had to wait until Sunday to see Louis at work. He went into McDonald's
half an hour before the others. There was Louis, serving at a till. Harry drank
him in, his flushed cheeks, his thin shoulders in a slightly oversized uniform
shirt, his fringe flopping out underneath his cap.
Louis spotted Harry while he was serving the people in front of Harry in the
queue. His expression immediately went shocked. Obviously he hadn't been
expecting to see Harry just yet. He collected the orders of the customers and
stuttered out a thank you. Then he was staring, open-mouthed, at Harry.
Harry stared back. Suddenly, everything he wanted to say flew out of his head.
They just looked at each other for a few seconds.
Louis said, looking down, "Um... are you ordering?"
"Louis," said Harry. "We need to talk."
Louis' eyes opened wide in alarm. "Not here."
"Can't you take a lunch-break?"
"I'm not due until two."
"This is important," said Harry.
"Harry, we can't discuss it here," said Louis. "What are you ordering? A small
fries?"
"Yes, please."
Louis escaped to the fryer, but then he had to face Harry again.
"I really need to talk to you," Harry emphasised, handing over his money.
"Not here. Tonight. On the phone. I've got my phone back."
"I'll call you," promised Harry. He took his fries over on their tray and sat
down within eyesight of Louis, observing every move he made. From time to time
Louis looked over at him, and quickly looked away.
Harry finished his fries, but remained seated. Soon, the others came along, and
got into Louis' queue. Harry joined them. It was time for his burger and coke.
The manager served them. Louis had taken off. He appeared once they were all
sitting down, carrying his own tray with his meal on it.
"Saved you a spot," said Darren, patting the empty seat between him and Leo.
Louis sat down. "How have you been coping with the grounding?"
"I've been a bit down," confessed Louis.
"At least you've got your phone back now, right? You can call any one of us if
you need to. We're all here for you."
Murmurs of agreement went around the table.
Louis was the focal point of the conversation, as they hadn't seen him for two
weeks. He definitely did seem down, Harry thought. He wasn't as alert as usual,
responding slowly to the questions asked of him, as if there was a certain
amount of time he had to pause for before he answered.
"Louis," said Harry suspiciously, "are you taking any extra medication?"
Louis finally turned to look at him. He'd been avoiding Harry's gaze all this
time, even though Harry was directly opposite him. "Why?" he said.
"You're all slowed down."
"I'm taking extra anti-depressants," Louis admitted.
"Did your doctor tell you to?"
"No. I just felt depressed, so I thought, what can it hurt?"
"You shouldn't," said Darren. "It's easy to overdose on that stuff. How much
extra have you been taking?"
"Well, like... I dunno."
"You do so know. Tell me."
Louis, reluctantly, answered with the truth. "Double."
"You're double-dosing? Louis, that's dangerous."
"I didn't know what else to do," said Louis.
"Damn, why couldn't you make your curfew from that damned party? You keep
getting yourself into these scrapes."
"I was high on E. I didn't know what I was doing."
Harry hoped he wasn't going to use that excuse on him. It wouldn't cut it.
"Why did you take E?" said Cameron.
"I just wanted to try it," said Louis.
"It can make you depressed once the high wears off."
"I know that."
"Well, it wasn't very wise, was it? You're recovering from depression."
"I'm not going to do it again," said Louis.
"Are you still doing pot?" said Leo. "That can depress you, too."
"All right, so it's my fault that I'm depressed."
"We're not saying that," said Darren. "It's just, these things don't help it.
You should be especially wary, because of your depression."
"I've got real dramas going on in my life, all right? I have to deal with them
somehow."
"Drugs are just an escape. They don't help you deal."
Louis looked down at the table. "I know," he muttered.
"Mate, anything we can do to help," said Darren. "I'll call you tonight, yeah?"
"Okay."
"I'll call you, too," said Leo.
"Don't everyone call me. My dad doesn't approve of me being flat out on the
phone."
"Just me and Darren, then."
And me, Harry said silently.
***
He'd always looked forward eagerly to his time on the phone each night with
Louis. He was extra-especially looking forward to tonight. He tried to kill
time watching TV with the boys, but kept glancing at the clock continuously.
Finally, it was half an hour before bedtime. He went out to the hall, grabbed
the phone, and brought it into his bedroom. He got into Louis' bed and dialled.
"It's me," he said, when Louis answered.
"I know."
Louis fell silent, so Harry spoke. "What's the matter with you?"
Louis definitely wasn't on the same page. "How could you ever want to speak to
me again, after what I did?"
"Louis, it was mutual."
"Harry, I don't know what to say to you."
"How about," said Harry, "you explain all those emails, asking for forgiveness,
saying you made a mistake, saying you were sorry? I want you to know, I'm not
sorry. I wanted it. I still want it."
"You were drunk."
"I was not. I'd only had a couple. I've been wanting it for ages with you. I
split up with William for you."
"I shouldn't have made you do that," said Louis.
"I did it for you," Harry repeated, "because you wanted me to. Because you
wanted me to be yours. You said so."
"Harry... " and then his words came out in a rush. "I'm so sorry, I was high, I
didn't know what I was doing. I'm nearly seventeen. I should have been more
responsible."
"I'm nearly fifteen. I'm old enough."
Louis, to Harry's shock, began to cry. "I'm so sorry, Harry, I never meant to
take advantage of you. You have no idea how awful I feel."
"Louis," said Harry, "don't cry."
"Don't you get it, Harry? I've turned into Coach Morrison, corrupting kids."
"I was already corrupted by William, you've said so yourself in the past," said
Harry. "There's only two years between us. It's not like you're in your
twenties, like Coach Morrison was. Louis, how do I get it through to you?"
"I'm old enough to be able to control myself."
"You can't tell me it didn't feel good. You were as turned on as I was."
"Don't. I should never have done it. I wish I'd never taken that damned E."
"It wasn't just the drug," said Harry with certainty. "You've been wanting me
for a long time. The E just lowered your inhibitions."
Louis cried, "What do you want me to say, Harry? Yeah, I've wanted you. Yeah,
I've used you for my own selfish ends. Now can you see why I'm just like Coach
Morrison?"
"Stop that. You're not. You're just a boy, and I'm just a boy, and we love each
other. Why shouldn't we be together?"
"Harry, don't be so reasonable. I can't stand it how calmly you're taking this.
Why don't you hate me?"
"I could never hate you," said Harry. "I love you. I want to be with you. Why
can't you accept it?"
"You don't know what you're saying," said Louis. "In two years time, you'll
hate me."
"I could never. Are you still seeing that psychiatrist? Talk to him about it."
Louis' sobs had petered out. "What, admit that I'm a paedophile?"
"You're not," said Harry firmly. "It's normal for teenagers to have sex with an
age difference. Louis, you're attracted to me, I'm attracted to you. It's just
that simple. Why can't you accept it?"
"You don't know, Harry," said Louis. "You just don't know. Maybe we shouldn't
see each other anymore."
"What?" said Harry, aghast. "What are you talking about, Louis? There's nothing
to stop us seeing each other again."
"Haven't you been listening to a word I'm saying?"
"Haven't you been listening to a word I've been saying? Louis, talk to your
psychiatrist."
"My psychiatrist," said Louis, "doesn't even know about Coach Morrison. What
help could he be?"
"Tell him the truth," said Harry. "All of it. From Coach Morrison, right up to
me."
"I don't want to talk to him about Coach Morrison."
"Then phone the Samaritans. You'll be a stranger. You can talk to someone who
you're never going to see again. Ask them for advice. See what they say."
"I suppose," said Louis. "If my father asks me what I'm doing with the phone,
I'll just say I'm phoning the Samaritans. That should shut him up."
"Do it, Louis. Do it right now."
"They might not even notice the phone's missing," said Louis hopefully.
"It's getting late. Why would they? Promise me you'll do it."
"Harry, I..."
"Promise me."
"Okay," sighed Louis. "I promise. I'll phone the Samaritans."
"Good. And I'll phone you tomorrow night, to hear what they said."
"Okay," whispered Louis.
"I love you," said Harry. "Never forget that."
"My baby," said Louis, and abruptly hung up.
Harry returned the phone to the hall, said goodnight to the others, and lay
back down in bed again. He hoped Louis would get onto the Samaritans right
away. He desperately needed relief, and if the Samaritans could provide it, he
would be best off getting help sooner rather than later. He was sure the
Samaritans were a non-religious organisation, so no notions about sinning would
be fed to Louis.
***
Louis phoned the Samaritans. He told Harry the next night.
"Did you tell them everything?" said Harry. "About Coach Morrison and
everything?"
"Yeah."
"What did they say?"
"He explained the law regarding age of consent. I'm at the age of consent.
You're not. He said if a person the age of fourteen consents to sex it's not
rape, but I'm still guilty of sexual activity with a child."
"You haven't raped me," said Harry, aghast. "I fully consented."
"You're still a child. Technically, it's illegal for me to touch you."
"Louis, I'm fifteen in less than three months."
"Still illegal," said Louis. "He did say if we waited until you were fifteen
we'd be less likely to be prosecuted if we were caught."
"We won't get caught," said Harry.
"No, we won't, because we won't do it again."
"But you don't care about the law. You do pot, you don't care."
"I care about my conscience."
"Louis, didn't he have anything positive to say?"
"He did say it was unlikely I'm a paedophile," said Louis. "After he explained
all the law stuff, he was more like, 'you have normal sexual interests for your
age, just try to wait'. He said in some countries if there was a two year age
difference it wasn't illegal, for example, in some states of Australia--
actually, apparently in Tasmania you can have a three year age difference-- but
unfortunately not here."
"Sounds like he has stuff he has to say, otherwise he wouldn't be doing his
duty of care or whatever, but was he actually sounding negative?"
"Well, no,"said Louis, "he was sounding concerned more than anything. He did
tell me I wasn't a bad person, that, regardless of the law, it was natural for
kids of our age to engage in sexual experimentation."
Harry said, "I think I think the courts would be a laughing-stock if they tried
to prosecute two teenagers for having sex."
"I can't quite believe this isn't all Coach Morrison's doing. If he'd never
showed up, I'd have never done what I did at the party."
"I don't believe that," said Harry. "Louis, you're all screwed up from Coach
Morrison. If it hadn't been for him, things would still have happened the same
way between us. I love you. You love me. I know it."
"I mean," said Louis, "if it wasn't for Coach Morrison, I'd have never taken E.
And so it never would have happened between us."
"It would have happened sometime between us."
"Not when you were fourteen, though. Haz, I feel like I've stolen your
innocence."
"Don't be ridiculous," said Harry. "I'd been having sex for well over a year
before you and me did it. And Louis, I want to say, William was nothing
compared to you. I've never felt anything like what I felt with you that night
at the party."
"Harry... " Louis sighed. "We shouldn't talk about it."
"Tell me you felt the same," said Harry.
"I was high."
"Ecstacy doesn't make you lose your reason. You were still in control."
"Oh, god," moaned Louis. "Harry, I really wasn't. But, I still remember
everything."
"You do? You remember jerking me off in the mirror?"
"Don't ask that."
"You do, don't you?" said Harry. "I've never been so turned on."
"Harry, don't tell me that. It just makes me feel guilty."
"Bullshit," said Harry. "I know you remember, and I know how turned on you
were, and there's nothing to feel guilty about."
But Louis wasn't convinced he shouldn't feel guilty. They spoke some more but
hung up without having really resolved anything.
They had the same conversation several nights in a row. Harry was frustrated.
He knew what he wanted. He wanted Louis. Why couldn't Louis appreciate the
same?
He saw Louis on Sunday, as usual, and this time Louis was more inclined to make
eye contact. Harry firmly told him he was coming over to Louis' house on Monday
afternoon. He'd catch the bus from school, out to Sheffield. Louis tried to
insist he shouldn't, but Harry was adamant.
"But it's the first day I'll be able to skateboard since I was grounded," said
Louis.
"What's more important to you, me or skateboarding?"
Harry hadn't honestly known what he was going to answer. If he'd answered
skateboarding, he'd have lived with it. Instead, Louis whispered, "You."
"So be home," Harry told him.
That Monday he didn't bother to change out of his school uniform, but rather
skateboarded as quickly as he could so he wouldn't miss the early bus. He
wanted to have as much time with Louis as possible. Thankfully, he caught the
early bus, which meant, discounting the skateboarding time to Louis' house and
back, he should have just over an hour to spend with Louis.
He arrived at Louis' door after the bus trip and skateboarding trip, and
knocked. Louis answered. "My half-sister's home, but no one else is," he said,
letting Harry in. Harry dropped his helmet, skateboard and backpack in the
hallway, as there was plenty of room.
Louis' half-sister was sitting on a couch in the room they walked through,
watching TV. "Hello," she said brightly to Harry.
"Harry, this is Georgia, my sister. Georgia, this is Harry."
"Hi, Harry," said Georgia.
"Hi," replied Harry, waving. Louis grabbed hold of his arm and hauled him off
to his bedroom. His bedroom was full of stark white furniture, with a white and
blue pattern on the bedspread.
"Sit on the bed," instructed Louis, shutting the door and sitting on his desk
chair in front of the bed.
Harry obeyed.
"So," and Louis looked belligerent. "Why did you want to see me?"
"Are you kidding? After the last week?"
"We could have stayed with phone contact."
"No we couldn't," contradicted Harry. "You know we needed to see each other."
Abruptly, Louis dropped the stance, and lowered his head, staring at his
clasped hands. "Harry, I don't know what you want from me."
"I want anything you have to give."
"I'm so fucking emotionally stunted. I can't give you what you want."
"I said, anything you had to give. Not everything that I wanted."
Louis looked up. Harry met his beautiful blue eyes. "I don't know what I can
give you."
"You can give me your time, at least," said Harry.
"All right. I can give you that."
"You can give me," and Harry leaned forward and touched Louis on the shoulder,
"the right to touch you like a friend."
Louis had gasped when Harry had touched him on the shoulder, but he controlled
himself. "I can give you that," he repeated.
"That's all I'm asking, right now. I don't want to push you into anything
you're not willing to do."
Louis was looking so tentatively at Harry. "Okay."
Harry felt bouyed. He deliberately left off Louis' shoulder, but looked
expectantly at him.
"So," said Louis, "you're not seeing William anymore."
"No. I told you, I broke off with him because you asked me to."
"I shouldn't have pushed it," murmured Louis, looking down again.
"It needed to be done," said Harry. "I'm not putting any pressure on you. If
you'd rather wait until I was fifteen, we can wait."
Louis looked up, and met Harry's eyes. The colour of his irises were shifting
with emotion. "Harry, I'm so confused."
"I know, baby." The 'baby' just slipped out. But it really seemed Louis was the
baby in this situation.
"Harry." Louis continued to look earnestly into Harry's eyes. "What do you see
in me? I'm full of hang-ups. I'm damaged goods. I do drugs. I'm a fuck-up. What
do you see in me?"
"You're my Louis," said Harry, "who's always tried to protect me, who lets me
hang out with you and your skateboarding friends, who looks out for me, who
loves me and makes me feel like a whole person. I'm still damaged, too, Louis.
But you make me forget that."
Louis obviously didn't know what to say to that. He looked down, he looked up.
He looked around the room. He breathed heavily.
Harry touched his knee. "I've always loved you. I always will."
"Harry, you're only fourteen. Yeah, I know, fifteen soon, but still...."
"How old were you when you wanted me?"
Louis obviously hadn't expected that question. He gaped. "I... I don't know."
"It's not a recent thing."
"No," Louis whispered.
"I think when you were fourteen you wanted me. All those hard-ons you got in
bed, they weren't just hormones. They were because of me."
Louis put his face in his hands. "Harry, I can't help but think this is all my
fault. I'm older, I should have known better. I feel like I used you."
"You didn't use me," said Harry. "You protected me and gave me stability. You
never once tried anything. You weren't using me. Stop thinking that."
Louis just groaned, head still in his hands. They sat silently for a time,
Harry's hand still on Louis' knee, before Louis spoke again. "It's tearing me
apart."
"Don't let it," said Harry. "If it hadn't been for that rotten Coach Morrison
you wouldn't be having any of these misgivings. We would just be two boys who
love each other. That's all it is, Louis. Two boys who love each other. Not the
end of the world."
"Haz, all those times I've thought about you... I've felt so evil." Louis still
wasn't showing his face.
"You're not evil. You're just a boy. A boy who loves another boy. It can
honestly be as simple as that, Louis," insisted Harry. "You're not evil, you're
not a paedophile, you haven't corrupted me. If anyone's corrupted, it's me
corrupting you, since I've got the experience behind me. And Louis, I don't
feel corrupted or corrupting in the least." Harry wanted desperately to get
Louis to look up. "What we have is natural. It's positive. It's good. How lucky
are we to find each other at such a young age?" Louis kept his head in his
hands. Harry petted his knee again. "Louis, look at me."
"I can't," mumbled Louis.
"Are you crying?" said Harry, detecting a breaking of his voice.
A sniff and a sob was his answer. Harry got off the bed and wrapped his arms
around Louis, stroking his hair, whispering softly in his ear how much he loved
him, how he was never going to let him go. Eventually, Louis' sobs broke off.
Harry kept hugging him, until Louis told him to stop. Then, with a kiss on his
ear, he went back and sat upon the bed again.
Louis' desperate, tear-swollen eyes stared at him. "Harry, I'm hard for you
right now. I want to lay you down on the bed and fuck you. I want to mark you,
so that everyone knows you're mine. I'm sick."
Harry knew he ought to handle this carefully. Then he thought, fuck it. "If
you're trying to shock me, it won't work. I'm turned on just being in your
presence. I want to lay you down and fuck you, too. I've never done it before;
I've saved myself for you. I want to mark you so that no one dares try anything
on you. If that's sick, then I'm sick."
"You're not sick, Harry."
"Then neither are you." Harry stood up, thrust his hips forward. "Want proof?
I'm hard for you."
Louis gazed at his crotch, which was obviously bulging, then looked up at
Harry. "Harry..."
"I want you. I've always wanted you."
Louis' eyes were drawn back to his crotch. He breathed heavily. "Harry, no."
"Hug me."
"I can't, not with..."
"Yes, you can. I have to go soon. Get up and hug me, already."
Louis got up from his chair and came forward the short distance to touch Harry
on the shoulder. He stared into Harry's eyes, then abruptly wrapped him up in a
hug. Harry could feel Louis' hard-on pressed against his stomach. He in turn
pressed his own hard-on against Louis. They hugged, and hugged. Louis moaned,
and twisted his hips a little, sending a delightful friction against Harry's
dick.
"Harry," moaned Louis. "What you do to me. God. Maybe if I wait until you're
fifteen..."
"I can wait," said Harry immediately.
"It's still against the law, though," whispered Louis.
"Stuff the law. We're just doing what comes naturally. The law is arbitrary."
"Mmm," said Louis, pressing his face into Harry's neck.
Harry hated the fact that he had to go home imminently. He wanted to stay here
and convince Louis to make love to him. But for while it lasted, he was going
to take everything Louis could give him. He stroked Louis' back, nestling
further into him, ensconsed by his arms and legs on either side of him. He gave
himself into the sensations of Louis pressing all around him.
Abruptly, Louis' mouth was on his, kissing chastely onto Harry's lips. Harry
darted out his tongue, seeking more. Louis, with a groan, responded. He ground
his hips onto Harry's. They kissed, grinding against each other, for a long
time. But Harry knew he was due to catch the bus home very soon. He
contemplated staying, and phoning Mum to tell her he was going to be late, but
had a feeling Louis wouldn't move beyond the current make-out session. His
inhibitions might be lowered for the moment, but the instant Harry started
taking his clothes off, he suspected, he'd be met with resistance. Louis just
wasn't ready yet. He would be soon though, if Harry had any say in it.
"I have to go," said Harry, pulling back. He met Louis' eyes. "I love you."
"I love you, too," whispered Louis. "God, Harry. What do I do?"
"Don't feel guilty," said Harry. "What we do is natural. We love each other.
Remember that."
"I'll try," said Louis, stepping back from Harry at last. He took Harry back to
the front door, to pick up his skateboard gear. Harry leaned up for a kiss,
heedless of Georgia's presence in the house, and turned to go out the door.
"Call me tonight?" said Louis.
"Always," said Harry, before walking up the path and out onto the street. He
was just in time to make it to the bus.
***** Chapter 10 *****
It turned out Harry was doomed to frustration for the next two and a half
months. Louis took his suggestion of waiting until Harry was fifteen seriously.
However, he began to relax as time wore on. With the very public nature of
their relations, they couldn't do more than sneak a hug here, a swift kiss on
the ear or temple there, but it was something, at least.
But then it was Harry's fifteenth birthday, and, miracle of miracles, Louis was
allowed to attend. Harry had also invited Darren, Leo, Cameron, and Mark, so
Louis had people to hang out with. He'd also invited many of his peers, and
Niall's, Zayn's and Liam's girlfriends, as well as Melody, so the party was
quite expansive. Mum had hired a marquee for the garden, with plenty of heat-
lamps, so that everyone had somewhere to congretate. It was awfully generous of
her, allowing Harry so many people over for his fifteenth. She catered, of
course. A main meal wasn't to be served, but there was plenty of small pies,
pasties, sandwich quarters and finger-food that no one should be left feeling
hungry.
Louis arrived about half an hour after the party, on the Saturday, started. He
was dressed in black jeans, and a blue and black button-up micro-checkered
shirt of silky material. Harry thought he looked stunning. He got to see Louis
straight away because he had been eagerly waiting for him to arrive, unwilling
to retreat to the marquee until then.
"Louis!" he greeted, hugging him.
"Happy birthday," said Louis shoving a card at him. "It's nothing special.
Don't know what to buy you anymore."
Harry opened the card and carefully read what Louis had written. 'Happy
birthday to the birthday boy. Hope you get all your best wishes. Here's an
iTunes card because I know you just got an iPod. Love you, Louis.'
Sure enough, within the card there was an iTunes card, to the value of thirty
pounds.
"Louis. That's a lot of credit," said Harry.
"Don't be ridiculous. It's what I can afford, on my wage. My wage has gone up
since I turned seventeen, did I tell you that?"
"I know, but still, it's a lot of money."
"Oh, shut up and accept it."
Harry hugged Louis. "Thank you so much. I know just what tunes I want to be
downloading."
Louis hugged him back fiercely. "Are Darren and the others here yet?"
"Yep, all of them."
"Good. I'll go hang out with them."
"I'll know where to find you, then," said Harry. "There's food on the table,
it's been pushed up against the side wall to make room. Soft-drink, too. Mum's
keeping up with the soft-drink demands."
He escorted Louis to the table full of eats, then left him to go join in with
his other friends. He hung out with Tom and Callum and Jamie for a bit, before
going up to where Niall, Zayn and Liam had their girlfiends. Melody was hanging
out with the girls, also.
"Hi," said Harry.
"Harry, congratulations on turning fifteen!" exclaimed Melody.
"Thanks, Melody."
The others all wished him congratulations, too. He hung out with the boys and
girls for a little longer, before seeking out Louis and the gang of
skateboarders. He spotted them eventually, sitting on chairs in one corner of
the marquee, a heat-lamp between them.
"Hey, guys!" he said, dragging a spare chair over.
"Hey, Harry. Your party's hitting it off so far," said Darren.
"Yeah. Have you been eating? There's all sorts of snacks, pies and pasties and
sandwiches and nibblies."
"Guys, want to get some snacks?" said Darren, standing up.
All the skateboard group stood up, including Louis. Harry followed Louis. On
the meals table, pushed up against one wall to make room for the guests, they
were met with trays full of party-sized pastries and hot snacks, including
mini-pizzas. There was also a cold platter, with gherkin and cheese, and salmon
and ricotta amongst the varieties.
"I'm having me a meat pie," said Darren. "And a sausage roll. Yum."
They all loaded up on snacks, making use of the paper plates and napkins on
offer. They went back to their former place. Harry followed, and sat down next
to Louis, on his right side.
"I'm so glad you came," said Harry to Louis.
"As if I'd do anything else," said Louis. "My dad's finally given up on the
notion that if he stops us from seeing each other, our friendship will die
off."
"So why didn't you invite me to your party?"
"I just assumed he'd say no, so I didn't ask," said Louis. "I'm sorry. I should
have tried."
"It's okay."
"It was only a small gathering, anyway. He says I can have a big party next
year, when I'm eighteen. I'll definitely invite you to that."
"You'd better." Harry brought his lips up to Louis' ear and whispered. "I'm
fifteen years old. We can have sex now."
Louis jerked. "How?"
"Don't start with the bullshit, Louis, I can't take it."
"I'm being practical," whispered Louis. "Where can we go?"
"I want to show you something. Come to my room."
"Okay." Louis stood up. "Lads, I'm just going to look at something in Harry's
room." He followed Harry to his old room, and stood in the middle of it,
looking around. "Wow. It's been so long since I've been in here." He looked at
the bare mattress on the right side of the room, where Harry used to sleep.
Harry now had his schoolbooks piled on there. He looked to the left, where his
old bed was made up. "You really do sleep in my bed."
Harry, meanwhile, shut the door behind them. "Look," he said. "I've still got
your athletics ribbons and your skateboarding ribbon on the cork board."
Louis went up to the cork board. "And my postcard from Jason when he was in
France."
"I haven't thrown anything away."
"You haven't." Louis swung around to look at Harry. "Was this what you wanted
to show me?"
"No." Harry stepped forward boldly. "This is." Rising onto his toes a little,
he leaned up to kiss Louis. With every passing month, he was catching up to
Louis in height. He imagined one day being taller than Louis, to be leaning
down instead of leaning up.
Louis, obviously surprised, didn't respond to his kiss. "Harry, I don't think
this is the wisest-"
"Shut up." Harry kissed him again. Abruptly, Louis groaned, and responded,
opening his mouth a little, taking control of the kiss.
"Harry, we shouldn't," Louis murmured against his mouth.
"You made me wait all this time," said Harry. "You're not getting out of it
now."
"I'm not trying to," said Louis, and lunged forward to move his lips
passionately against Harry's. Then he licked his way into Harry's mouth, little
kitten licks that set Harry's nerve endings on fire. He pressed his own tongue
against Louis' and they kissed in earnest, each grabbing the other's hair.
They were both so involved in the kiss, neither realised the bedroom door had
opened, until someone was saying, "Oh, I'm sorry."
They both pulled away and stared at the door, where a retreating Leo was
apologising once again. He shut the door, and Louis and Harry stared at each
other.
"Shit," said Louis.
"Louis, he won't tell anyone. He's not a gossiper."
"But, shit, he knows."
"Leo's cool."
"Leo thinks we're like brothers. I have to go talk to him."
Harry couldn't protest. It was probably for the best that they sort Leo out
before they did anything else. He followed Louis up the passage to look for
Leo. But he wasn't with the skateboarding gang. He wasn't at the food table.
"Where the hell is he?" said Louis.
"Maybe he's outside the marquee," suggested Harry.
"It's bloody freezing outside the marquee." But Louis walked back to the
entrance, and, Harry following once again, went up the outside of the marquee.
There was Leo, pacing about.
"Leo," said Louis.
"Oh, Louis. I'm so, so sorry. I never meant to barge in on anything." Leo
looked earnest, not disgusted.
"Look, what me and Harry were doing-"
"No, it's fine, man. I understand."
"Leo, it's obviously not fine. Why are you out here in the freezing weather?"
said Louis.
"I just had to get my head around it. All this time I've been thinking you were
like brothers. I didn't realise there was something more."
"There hasn't been," said Louis. "Until basically now. Leo, you won't tell
anyone, will you?"
Leo shook his head furiously. "No, of course not. I'm not down on you, man, I'm
just really really surprised. I didn't expect it."
"Get out of the freezing cold and let's discuss this inside."
Leo rubbed his arms. "Good idea."
They found a corner of the marquee that was empty and stood together.
"Don't get me wrong," said Leo to Louis, "I support you whatever you do. It was
just unexpected, that's all. Look, are Harry and you really a thing?"
Louis closed his eyes. Harry waited with interest to see what Louis would say.
"I... we're a thing," he confessed. "But it's only recent. I haven't been going
behind your back, or anything."
"It's none of my business, anyway," said Leo. "I'm sorry I walked in on you.
I'm sorry I wrecked your privacy."
"Why did you walk in on us?" said Harry.
"It was nothing. I was just wondering what Louis was up to, that's all."
"Damn your curiosity," said Louis, but in a joking fashion.
"Damn it all to hell," agreed Leo. "Listen, I won't tell the other guys, I
swear. It'll be our secret."
"Thanks, Leo," said Louis, clapping him on the back. "I don't know how they'd
take it. Darren, for example, has such a high moral compass."
"I know it," said Leo. "But he really cares about you. I don't think it'd
bother him."
"I'm not taking the risk. No one else is to know."
"I swear," said Leo.
"Now can we go back to what we were doing?" said Harry.
Leo blushed. "Of course. Don't let me stop you. I'll be with the gang."
He left, and Louis looked at Harry. "We can't risk it."
"Why not?"
"Anyone could walk in. Ms Curtis, for example, wondering why you're shut up in
your room. Niall, Liam, Zayn. Anyone."
"But I want you so badly," Harry whispered to him.
"Baby, I want you, too," Louis whispered back.
"Part of you still thinks it's wrong, doesn't it?"
Louis sighed. "I can't help it, Harry. I'm two years older than you. I should
be more responsible."
"And I keep telling you, it's what I want. I've wanted it for so long. I'm not
going to give up just because there's a lack of opportunity, or whatever."
Harry leaned forwards earnestly. "I want sex with you."
Louis shivered. "God, Harry. Be careful, or I'll sneak you back to my bedroom."
Harry said suddenly, "We could go to the park."
"The park?"
"The one down the road. We could have sex in the fortress. No one will know."
"Harry, it's freezing at the moment," said Louis.
"I wish I had a lock on my bedroom door," moaned Harry. "But there's a lock on
the bathroom door. Maybe we could-"
"God, Harry, I want you, but I'm not that desperate."
"I am," admitted Harry.
"Where will people wash their hands after using the toilet?"
"The laundry. Like you've done a billion times. They'll figure it out; it's
right next door after all."
Louis looked at him, mouth agape, a lustful expression on his face. Harry knew
he was nearly convinced.
"We could have mirror sex again," said Harry.
Louis' breathing quickened. Harry glanced down at his crotch. It was beginning
to fill out. But, "We shouldn't," said Louis.
Harry took his hand. It was boneless in Harry's grasp. "Come on," said Harry,
dragging Louis after him. He tugged him through the meals room to the back
passage, and into the bathroom. He turned the lock, then turned to face Louis.
"Harry," said Louis, voice full of emotion.
Harry took his lips in a kiss. It was chaste at first, but soon progressed.
Harry licked around Louis' mouth with his tongue, and Louis moaned and pushed
his tongue against Harry's. They made out for a while, their hands in each
other's hair, their bodies beginning to grind together. They both sported semi-
hard-ons that began to develop as they continued their pace against each other.
Soon, they were breaking off kissing often, having to catch their breaths, but
diving back in again immediately.
Harry made the first move. He fumbled with the button of Louis' trousers. Louis
was running his hands underneath Harry's shirt, up and down his back.
"Harry, take your shirt off."
"Take yours off," Harry commanded. They both moved quickly to do so. Louis'
hands were back on Harry's back, and Harry's were back on Louis' fly. He tugged
them down a little and palmed Louis through his underwear. Louis moaned and
grabbed at Harry's hair with one of his hands. His other hand kept stroking,
erratically, down Harry's back, until it eventually occurred to him he could do
the same to Harry. All of a sudden, Harry's fly was being pulled down, and
Harry being stroked through his underwear.
"Louis, turn to the mirror," said Harry breathlessly.
"Why?" But Louis obeyed.
Harry stood behind him, the opposite of the last time. He glanced around Louis'
shoulder and began to knead him through his boxer briefs. Louis let out a
prolonged moan, throwing his head back. Harry worked his hand inside Louis'
boxers, before beginning to tug them down. "Take them off," urged Harry.
"Only if you take yours off," said Louis, obviously turned on but still
stubborn.
Harry needed no second suggestion, and once Louis saw his eagerness, he didn't
either. They kissed some more, before Harry turned them back to the mirror.
There was Louis, in all his glorious nudity, spread out for Harry's
ministrations, cock jutting up to his stomach, body stretching against Harry.
Harry immediately took hold of his dick, and began to squeeze and pump it
slowly.
Louis was breathing deeply, head falling back against Harry's shoulder. "Oh,
yeah, Harry. That feels... so good."
Harry discovered an advantage to this position. He'd grown enough since last
time that, standing a little on his toes, he could rutt up against Louis' bum.
And so he did, his hard-on rubbing between Louis' arse-cheeks. That caused
Louis to moan louder. As Harry stimulated Louis from both sides, Louis mumbled
a litany of swear words and Harry's name. Harry started to go dazed. The
sensations were overwhelming. He looked in the mirror to see Louis, totally
debauched, legs spread, cock jutting upwards in Harry's fist, his head, eyes
closed, lolling back against Harry's shoulder. Harry remembered the words Louis
spoke last time that had nearly pushed him over the edge.
"Look at yourself," he commanded.
Louis lifted his head and looked into the mirror. He saw Harry's fist on his
cock. He saw Harry's hand rubbing against his nipples. He met Harry's eyes, his
face slack with arousal.
"Yeah, Louis," said Harry. "You're mine, all mine."
"Oh, Harry. Oh my god. I'm so close."
"Do it, baby, do it," urged Harry. He kissed the back of Louis' neck. Because
of the height difference he couldn't reach his mouth, so had to be satisfied
with what he could get.
"Harry," moaned Louis. "Harry," and he was cumming, spurting onto his chest,
over Harry's hand. After Harry had milked him to fruition, Louis abruptly
swapped them over, so that now Harry was in front of the mirror. He in turn
pumped Harry until he was cumming, threshing and yelling, pliant in Louis'
grip. Harry tried to keep his eyes open. His cum ribboned up his chest, fell
onto Louis' hand. It was so erotic, his cum landing on Louis' hand.
"Baby, baby," murmured Louis into his ear, as he pumped Harry until he was
overstimulated.
"Louis, stop," he moaned.
Louis abruptly left off his dick. Instead, he kissed Harry behind his ear.
Harry wriggled against Louis. He could feel Louis' softening dick against his
arse-crack, which made him sweat. Louis' cock against his arse. One day, it
would be more.
Louis abruptly swung him around for a kiss. Their naked bodies rubbed together.
"I want you on a bed," he said. "I want you soft and comfortable and warm, not
making out in chilly bathrooms."
Harry had an idea. "We could ask William if we can borrow his guest room."
"Why on earth would he agree to that?"
"He loves me."
"Harry, that's rubbing it in a bit much, don't you think?"
"Have you got a better idea?" said Harry, frustrated. He could see that, apart
from this opportunity, he wasn't going to get sex from Louis for a long long
time.
"How about I see if my dad will let me sleep over one night?"
"Louis, you're noisy."
"I'll try really hard to be quiet," said Louis.
"We can do both," said Harry. "I'll ask William, and you ask if you can sleep
over, now that your dad's gotten to grips with my existence."
"We'll have to pay William or something. We can't just use him like that."
"He'll let us," said Harry confidently. "I can go ask him now, if you like.
He's here."
Louis had begun to get dressed again, after cleaning himself off with a bunch
of tissues. "If I weren't so fucking desperate..."
Just then, there was a knock on the bathroom door. "Hello!" called Mum. "Who's
in here?"
"Me," said Harry, startled.
"Harry, what are you doing?"
"Nothing." He grabbed for his clothes. "I'm just about to come out."
"Someone told me there were strange noises coming from in there."
Harry stared at Louis. "Noisy," he whispered.
Louis blushed.
"I don't know what they were talking about," Harry called back.
"Hurry up. Your friends have been looking for you."
"Just a minute!"
Louis had finished dressing. "What if she's still there?" he whispered.
"We'll just have to risk it."
Harry, dressed, opened the door carefully. Mum had gone, fortunately. He
beckoned Louis forward. "I'm going to talk to William," he said.
"I'll be with the gang."
When Harry left the passage however, he spotted Mum, a pile of empty trays in
her hands. She was looking right at him. So she saw Louis following hot on
Harry's heels. She raised her eyebrows. Harry looked away. He hoped she wasn't
thinking anything. He went to find William.
William was hanging out with Niall and Liam. Harry took him aside.
"Can I ask you something?" said Harry.
"Anything. You know that."
"Can me and Louis use your guest room?"
"Jesus Christ, Harry," said William, blinking.
"Please. We've got nowhere else to go."
"Harry... do you know how that tears me in two?"
"I'm sorry," said Harry. "I wouldn't ask if we had any other option."
William looked way. He was panting, suddenly. Abruptly, he swung back to Harry.
"Can I watch? If you let me watch, I'll say yes."
"There's no way Louis would say yes to that," said Harry, although the thought
made him a little turned on.
"Why would I want to help you out?"
"I just thought, as a friend..."
"Harry," groaned William. "All right. You and Louis can come over and use my
guestroom one afternoon."
Harry hugged him. "Thanks, William."
"God, I'm a fool."
"You're not," said Harry.
"Easy for you to say," said William cynically. "You're not the one letting his
ex-lover's boyfriend fuck his ex-lover. Have you fucked yet?"
"Not that it's any of your business," said Harry.
"I'm sorry, Harry. I can't help it. I still love you. And you'd never let me
fuck you. I'm never going to know what that's like to fuck you." William looked
at him dolefully.
"There'll be other guys. You'll find someone."
"I've started going to this group for gay youth. Maybe I will. But I won't love
him as much as I love you, Harry. You were my first love, so you're forever
special to me."
Harry hugged William again, feeling sorry for him. William, of course, had a
boner. Just talking about sex was enough to get him horny. It must be rough,
reflected Harry, being so horny all the time.
"Hang out with me for a while?" said William, so Harry did. They deliberately
avoided the topic of Louis, talking instead about other things, until Harry
remembered Louis' words from the bathroom.
"Oh. We could pay you. Louis and I, I mean. For the use of your guestroom."
"Pay me?" William looked insulted. "I don't need your money, Harry."
Harry dropped the subject.
Louis came to find him. He baulked at first when he saw Harry still talking to
William, then went up to them. "Haz, are you coming back?"
"I'm still talking to William."
William and Louis looked daggers at each other, William moving closer to Harry,
like he was still his boyfriend and needed to protect him.
"I'll come over in a little while, Louis," said Harry.
"Nice seeing you, William," said Louis, as if it wasn't nice at all, and left.
"He's such a prick. What do you see in him?" said William.
"He's only like that around you. He's jealous. You had me before he ever did."
"I'm the one that should be jealous. He won you in the end."
"I'm not a prize, William."
"Harry, you don't know your value," said William. "You never have. How lucky
was I to get you to myself for over a year? I wouldn't trade that time for
anything, even though it didn't work out, and I didn't get to fuck you."
"Do you have to keep going on about that?" blushed Harry.
"It's one of my life's regrets. I'm not ashamed to admit it," said William. "I
wish you'd let me watch you and Louis fuck. That would almost make up for it."
"William, you're so bloody horny."
"I can't help it. I might have to go do something about it. But there's too
many people at this party. I don't want to create a queue for the toilet."
"Go into the bathroom," said Harry. "There's a lock on the door. As long as
you're not more than ten minutes, it shouldn't be a problem. Just be as quick
as you can."
Abruptly, William hugged him again, his hard-on grinding into Harry's stomach.
"Thanks, mate." He took off, then, presumably on his way to the bathroom. Harry
shook his head, and went and hung out with Tom and Callum and Jamie for a
while. They were part of a much larger group, all standing up around a heat-
lamp, so Harry found himself occupied for a good long while. Eventually,
however, the urge to see Louis was too much. Just as he was breaking away from
the group, Mum came up to him. "Dessert's on the table if anyone wants some,"
she said. "Cream cake, and apple pie, and fruit cake."
"I'll tell everyone," he said. So he went around to each of the groups that had
formed and told them. "All home-made," he made sure to add. Mum didn't buy
cakes; she always made them from scratch. He finally made his way over to the
gang and told them.
"So that's why the place has suddenly emptied out," said Leo. "They're all in
line for dessert."
"Hey, aren't you going to blow out any candles?" said Cameron.
"No. We decided it would be too much trouble," said Harry.
"That's not fair. You don't get to make a wish."
"I've already got what I wished for." Harry met Louis' eyes. It was so strange
to see him sitting amongst his friends, fully clothed, when only half an hour
before he was naked in Harry's arms. Harry hoped it wouldn't be nearly three
months before he got to see Louis naked again.
***
There hadn't been an opportunity to talk to Louis privately at the party after
that, so it was the next night, during one of their late night phone
conversations, that Harry confirmed the details of their liason.
"He really said yes?" said Louis.
"Well, at first, he wanted to watch."
"No way."
"That's what I said. Then he gave in and said yes without conditions."
"Did you offer to pay him?"
"He was insulted," said Harry. "I didn't press it."
"At the party, he had a hard-on for you, I could see it," said Louis.
"He's so horny, he's almost got a permanent hard-on."
"I saw you hugging him."
"Louis, you can't really be jealous of William."
"You saw him for ages," Louis pointed out. "Of course I'm jealous."
"But I love you, not William."
"I know, it's just... I'm possessive," admitted Louis.
"You don't need to be. I'm yours. I'm all yours."
"Harry," breathed Louis, "if that were true..."
"You doubt me?" said Harry, affronted.
"No, I don't doubt you. I doubt that I can ever be worthy of you."
"Louis, I feel the same way. I don't feel I'm worthy of you."
"Harry, don't think that way. You deserve love. You're wonderful, and special,
and bright as a summer's day."
"If I deserve love," said Harry, "then so do you. You're like a fire on a cold
winter's day, you warm me up with your presence, with your vitality. I can't
get enough of you. Louis, look. We're free to go to William's any day next
week."
"Wednesday," said Louis. "It's the middle of the week, should be perfect."
"Wednesday it is," said Harry. "Come in around the back, through the side gate.
I'll be watching out for you."
"We're only going to have just over an hour together," said Louis.
"I know. But it'll be worth it."
They said their goodnights and Harry took the phone back and got under the
covers. He was looking forward to Wednesday.
***** Chapter 11 *****
On Wednesday Harry turned up at William's straight after school, even though he
knew it would be a long while until Louis arrived. William spotted him straight
away and came over to him.
"Want to watch a porno?" he suggested to Harry.
"William, I can't watch porn with you anymore," Harry told him.
"Why not?"
"Because you'll get it out in front of me."
"Harry, we'll just be friends watching a porno together," pleaded William.
"Louis wouldn't like it," said Harry firmly. "Let's play video games."
The one in the games room was in use, so they went to William's bedroom. That
was also in use.
"We'll have to wait," said William.
"No, we won't. It's your house. Lads," Harry addressed the boys currently in
front of the PlayStation. "William wants to use his PlayStation."
The two boys grumbled, but gave up their positions. Harry and William played
FIFA until Harry's phone buzzed. He took it out and read the message from
Louis; 'just got here where r u'.
"Louis' here," he announced to William.
"But Harry, I was kicking your arse."
"You won," said Harry agreeably.
"You're going to go see him now," said William resignedly.
"You know I am." Harry stood up and walked down to the games room.
Louis was standing by the snacks table eating a bag of crisps, bacon flavour.
His eyes lit up when he saw Harry. "Harry," he said, coming forward quickly,
but then stopping right in front of him.
"Let's go to the guest room," said Harry.
"Can I get something to drink?" Louis was panting, like he'd run there.
"Did you run?"
"Yeah. I wanted to get as much time with you as possible. But I'm so thirsty
now."
"I'll get you a coke," said Harry. He went to the fridge and selected two cans
of coke, then went back to the snacks table and picked up a plain-flavoured
variety. "Come on. Follow me."
Louis trailed after him obediently. William was waiting in the doorway of his
bedroom, giving Harry one last, lustful, look. "Have fun," he said.
"We will," said Harry.
"Thanks for the use of your bedroom," muttered Louis.
"Anything for Harry," said William.
They made it to the guest room and Harry locked the door behind them. As he
pulled the covers back on the bed, Louis took a huge swig of coke.
Louis sighed. "I needed that," he said. He put his coke down on the bedside
table.
Harry dumped his own things, and came over to Louis. "Louis," he sighed, and
wrapped his arms around him. Louis responded to the hug, holding Harry closely.
Harry wriggled a little against him, wanting to feel all of him.
"Monkey," said Louis affectionately. "You're always so wriggly."
"I'm just trying to feel you," said Harry.
Louis rubbed hands over Harry's back. "Feel me all you want. I'm yours."
Harry pulled Louis shirt from where it was tucked into his trousers and ran his
hands underneath Louis' shirt and jumper, along the smooth planes of his back.
Louis ruffled one hand in Harry's hair, while he slipped his hands under
Harry's shirt and jumper, feeling along his ribs. They simply held and stroked
each other for a time.
Louis eventually pulled away. "I'm starving. Mind if I finish my crisps?"
"No, I'll eat mine," said Harry. He began to get undressed, taking off
everything but his undershirt and underwear, before climbing into the bed.
Louis had glanced at him and begun copying him, until he was down to his
undershirt and underwear, too. He climbed into bed next to Harry.
"William won't mind us getting crisps in the bed?" he said.
"No. He says his parents always change the sheets before a guest comes, so we
won't be leaving crumbs for anyone."
"That makes me feel better. That his parents change the sheets before a guest
comes. I wouldn't want other people to be sleeping in our spunk-filled sheets."
"No, just William," said Harry. "And he'll like it."
"That kid is so horny."
"He can't help it."
"I'm glad I'm not him," said Louis, munching on his chips. Before long, he'd
finished his packet, whilst Harry was only halfway through. After having
another generous swig of his coke, Louis lay down on his side, half-propped on
the pillows, and began stroking Harry's torso over his t-shirt with gentle
movements, up to his collarbones, down to his waistband, side to side. Harry
began to get hard with the feelings Louis' hand generated.
"You still hungry?" he said to Louis.
"A little."
"Here, have some of mine." Harry held out a couple of the crisps to his mouth
and, obligingly, Louis opened up and took them in. They finished the rest of
Harry's packet in that way, sharing the remainder. Louis' hand began to rub,
tantilisingly and gently, over Harry's crotch. He'd stroke Harry's thighs for a
while, before he ghosted a hand upward, only to return to his thighs. It made
Harry's breath hitch. He rolled onto his side to face Louis. That gave Louis
easier access to his bum, which he made the most of. Harry began stroking down
Louis' back, down to his bum, before circling around to his front. Louis was
aroused, too. Harry bent his head for a kiss.
"Mmm," hummed Louis appreciatively, before wending his hand once more to
Harry's bum. He cupped and stroked, making Harry feel delicious. "Harry, I want
to kiss your dick."
Dazed at the thought, Harry breathed, "Yes, please."
Louis moved further down the bed. He grabbed hold of the waistband of Harry's
underwear and pulled them down, all the way, over his feet and onto the side of
the bed. Straddling Harry's thighs, he bent down, and gently kissed Harry's
dick. Harry gasped. It was so soft, yet so welcome. Emboldened, Louis licked up
his length, and back down again, swirling his tongue around the head.
"Oh, Louis," sighed Harry.
"Do you want me to suck you?" Louis looked up at him with fevered eyes.
"I've never been sucked before."
"You and William never-"
"No, we didn't. He tried once but didn't like the taste of precum. He preferred
to use his hands."
"Harry," breathed Louis. "So this is your first time."
"Yes," said Harry.
"Good, because it's my first time too. But I don't want to be rubbish for you."
"You won't be," Harry promised him.
Tentatively, Louis took hold of the base of Harry's dick and brought the head
to his mouth. He wrapped his lips around his teeth and slowly lowered himself
onto Harry. Harry gasped at the sensation, as his dick disappeared into Louis'
sucking mouth. Louis sucked hard on him, and bobbed up and down. Harry felt all
of his blood rush south. Louis might be inexperienced, but he was good enough.
"Louis, have you been reading up on this?" asked Harry.
Louis pulled off. "I looked up advice on the internet," he admitted.
"Whatever you read, it was right. Keep going."
Louis turned back to Harry's dick. His hand massaged the lower part of his
shaft down to his balls, while his mouth took on Harry's head. And took on, he
did. The electrifying feeling of Louis' tongue against his base, the amazing
feeling of being sucked hard between his cheeks, the sensation of his cockhead
hitting the back of Louis' throat, all combined to send Harry close to the
edge.
"Louis," he moaned. "Oh, Louis. Yeah, that's perfect."
Louis abruptly broke off. "Do you want to cum like that?"
"Do I want to... I don't know. I don't want to cum yet."
"Are you close?"
"I could be."
Louis rolled up his body, kissing his stomach, his chest, his nipples. "How do
you want to get off?" he whispered into Harry's mouth before kissing him. They
kissed for a while, Harry unable to think of a response due to the sensations
of Louis' mouth on his, his dick against Harry's. "Come on, baby," Louis
repeated, "how do you want to get off?"
Harry breathed heavily. He writhed under Louis' body. "I don't know. I just
want you. I don't care how."
Louis reached a hand down and began jacking him. "This okay?"
"Yeah." Harry fumbled for Louis' dick. Finally, he had his length in his hand.
He jerked him at a moderate pace, hoping to frustrate him.
Soon enough, Louis growled. "Faster."
"You want me to go faster?"
Louis slowed down on Harry's dick. "This enough for you?"
"Ye-eah," moaned Harry. It really wasn't.
"I don't believe you," said Louis.
"Oh, Louis, it feels so good."
"But you want it faster, don't you?"
"Yes, faster," admitted Harry.
"We both want it faster. Come on, Harry."
Harry obligingly began to jerk Louis faster, and Louis responded by doing the
same for Harry. They kissed heavily, tongues moving together, lips caressing.
Loius' hand on Harry's dick felt like everything. He wanted his mouth back on
his dick, but at the same time, he wanted to be jerked and be kissed. It sucked
there was no way to be sucked off and kissed. He threw all of his energy into
jacking Louis.
And abruptly Louis pulled away, and slid down Harry's torso, and took Harry's
dick in his mouth once again. He was oozing precum, and Louis' agile tongue
spread it around, before sucking him down once again.
"Louis!" yelled Harry.
Louis hummed against his dick. He pulled off long enough to say, "who's the
noisy one now?" before abruptly taking him down again. God, it was so intense.
Louis' tongue, swirling around his dick, his hand jacking him, Harry almost
couldn't bear the feelings. He felt like he was on fire, all over. His body was
into this experience. His chest burned, his face slackened, his stomach warmed
impossibly. He was going to cum.
"Louis, I'm cumming," he warned Louis.
Louis kept sucking him down, jerking him with his hand. With a cry of Louis'
name, Harry came, over and over, pulsing into Louis' mouth. Louis had to pull
off him and let him finish cumming around his fist. He was breathing heavily.
"God, Harry, that was so hot," he said. He scooped a finger up to pick up the
cum that had run down his mouth.
Harry clawed for Louis. "Come here," he begged, and Louis moved up beside him
obligingly. As Harry pushed his tongue into Louis' mouth he tasted his own cum.
It was the notion, not the taste, that was erotic. He grabbed hold of Louis'
dick and began pumping him fiercely, digging his tongue against Louis'. Louis
moaned and responded, pushing hard up against Harry. Harry spread his precum
all over his dick, pumping him furiously.
Louis uttered a litany of words, íncluding, "Harry," and "fuck" and "oh my
god". Then, apruptly, he was cumming, calling out, "Oh, Harry. Oh fuck. Oh my
god, Harry." His sperm shot over Harry's palm and Louis' chest. "Oh, Harry," he
repeated, jerking with aftershocks as Harry pumped him.
"Louis, you're so amazing," said Harry.
"Harry, baby," Louis tucked his head into Harry's neck, "I love you so much."
"I love you, too." Harry stroked Louis' back with his hand that wasn't covered
in Louis' cum.
"We're messy," said Louis. "I'm getting my cum all over you."
"I love you getting your cum all over me."
Louis groaned and kissed him, getting more on Harry. They made out for a while.
But Harry had something important to discuss.
"Louis, what do you think about coming out?"
"No, I'm not ready," Louis said immediately.
"I've been thinking about coming out to Mum and the boys," Harry told him.
"Just Ms Curtis and the boys, right?"
"Yes."
"I'm still not ready."
"I think I am," said Harry.
"How will you do it?" asked Louis, stroking his hair. "What will you say?"
"I'm still not sure whether to tell them all together, or individually."
"Do it individually," said Louis with certainty.
"You think that's best?"
"I know I'd rather hear it straight from the person, rather than being in a
group. Lets them react in their own way, without having to be conscious of
others."
"Okay," said Harry. "I'll tell Mum first, then each of the boys separately."
"Are you sure about this? It's a big step."
"No, I'm not sure," Harry admitted. "It scares me just thinking about it. But I
don't think I'll ever be sure, so the time may as well be now."
"You only just turned fifteen," said Louis. "You could wait."
"No. I can't bear the secrecy any longer. Don't worry, I won't tell them about
you, I just need to get it off my chest."
Louis gathered him up and hugged him fiercely. They didn't speak for a time.
Eventually, Louis said, "We should do something about all this cum. It's
starting to dry."
So they grabbed the tissues and cleaned themselves up as best they could. It
was nearly time for Louis to go.
"I don't want you to go," said Harry.
"I have to, baby."
"I know. But I hate it. We probably won't get to do this for a while. It
wouldn't be fair to ask it too often of William."
Louis mapped Harry's body with his hands. "You're so fucking gorgeous, Harry."
"I'm not. I'm a skinny fifteen year old."
"You're going to have the most amazing body when you grow up, I can just tell.
And you're not just a skinny fifteen year old. You turn me on so much."
Louis had a semi-hard-on. Harry wished there was time to do something about it.
He himself sported one, too. "Louis, you're the one who turns me on. You're
perfect."
"Harry," said Louis, and kissed him again. "I really should get going."
Harry sighed. He knew this moment would come. "I know. We don't want you to be
grounded for the next week."
They pulled away from each other reluctantly, got up, and began dressing. Harry
watched Louis the whole time. He was so sexy. Eventually, they were dressed.
They came together for one more hug and kiss.
"Talk to you tonight?" murmured Louis.
"Always." Harry escorted Louis out the door, past William's bedroom where
William wasn't, and down to the games room. He walked with him all the way out
to the street.
"Love you," said Louis, as he turned to leave.
"Love you forever."
And then Louis' back was towards Harry as he walked away down the street. He
kept turning back often, though, to look at Harry, and Harry stayed out on the
street until Louis had turned the corner. Then he went back into William's. He
was inclined to go home, so he could meditate over the experience he just had,
but went to say thank you to William first.
He found William, dragged him away from the people he was with, and said thank
you.
"I listened at the door," William confessed.
"William!"
"I couldn't help it. It was so hot. I got myself off in the bathroom
afterwards."
That explained why William had that rare, satiated look on his face.
"Don't you dare tell Louis," said Harry.
"Please won't you let me watch you?"
"There's no way Louis would ever say yes to that."
"But you would," inferred William.
Harry had to admit he'd thought about it since William had first suggested it.
It would be kinky. But he wasn't going to let anything jeapordise his
relationship with Louis.
"William, if Louis won't, I won't. Stop thinking about it."
"I suppose you still want to use my room, though," said William.
"We don't want to impose on you. I won't ask again for a while."
"Good," said William. "Because I'm really jealous right now."
Harry gave him a hug. It was the least he could do. "Thanks, William," he said.
"It means a lot to me, that you let us."
"Yeah, I'm a fool, I know it," said William, hugging him back fiercely. "Now
get out of my sight, or I'll be forced to jump your bones."
Harry waved goodbye and went home. He decided he wasn't ready to come out that
evening. He wanted to bask in the glow of sex with Louis, uninterrupted by
stressors. Tomorrow, he resolved.
***
The next day, Harry rushed home from school. He simply had to get to Mum before
anyone else did. Panting, he came inside the house, dropping his schoolbag. He
was peaked out with anxiety. All day at school he'd been unable to concentrate;
because today was the day he was coming out to Mum. He'd run through so many
scenarios in his head, but still hadn't decided on his approach, other than he
had to get Mum by herself, so that they wouldn't be interrupted by one of the
boys.
"Mum," said Harry, coming into the meals room, where Mum was sitting with her
sewing machine. "Can we talk?"
"Of course, honey. Sit down. Tell me what's on your mind."
"Can we go outside?"
"Harry, it's freezing outside," said Mum.
"But I don't want one of the boys to come home in the middle of it. If we're
outside, they won't interrupt. Please, it's important."
"I'll just get my coat," said Mum. She left for the hall and came back wearing
her coat. Harry opened the outside sliding door and they both went onto the
verandah. To the right, up against the wall, where his and Zayn's skateboards,
as well as their football. To the left was a set of plastic tables and chairs.
Harry and Mum sat down on the freezing plastic.
"Mum," said Harry. "I don't exactly know how to say this."
"What is it, Harry?" said Mum. "Whatever it is, we can work it out together."
"I'm gay," blurted Harry.
"Oh, Harry. That's going to make high school hard for you."
"I'm not planning to come out at school."
"Good. Because I couldn't stand to see my boy hurt. Harry," she leaned forward,
and drew him into a hug, "I love you, no matter what. It's all the same to me."
"You mean it?" said Harry, pressed against her shoulder.
"Of course I mean it. You're my baby boy, I only want what's best for you." She
released him and he sat back down. "Are you seeing anyone?"
"Yes," Harry admitted. "But I can't talk about it, because he doesn't want to
come out."
"That's okay, love. Have you told Louis yet?"
Harry startled; but of course, Mum didn't know he was with Louis. "I told Louis
a long time ago," he said. "He's been my support."
"That boy," said Mum, remeniscing. "So much potential for good. I'm glad he's
been there for you, Harry. Are you planning to tell the other boys?"
"Yes, after I told you. I'm scared, though. What if they reject me?"
"I don't see any of them doing that. If they did, I'd have some stern words to
say. But honey, I think everything will be all right. Do you want me to sit in
with you while you tell them?"
"No, it's better if I let them react in their own way," said Harry. "That's
what Louis said."
"He could be right," nodded Mum. "If any of them give you a hard time, come and
tell me, okay? Not that I expect any of them will."
The sliding door opened. "Mum, what are you and Harry doing out here?" asked
Niall.
Harry stood up. "I've got something to tell you, Niall."
"Yeah? Can you do it inside, where it's warmer?"
"We're coming back in," Mum told Niall. She put a hand on Harry's back as they
walked inside, before releasing him.
"Come to my room, Niall," said Harry.
"Is this like a big deal?" asked Niall.
"It might be, yeah."
Niall took a couple of breaths. "Okay, I'm ready for whatever you throw at me."
Harry sat down on Louis' bed and indicated Niall sit on the desk-chair. Niall
swung around to face him.
"You're still dating Candy, right?" said Harry.
"Yeah. Man, I have to thank you for introducing us. She's the sweetest girl
ever. Matches her name."
"We'll I'm dating someone, too."
"Yeah?" Niall leaned forward. "You've been a dark horse about that."
"The thing is, he's a guy," said Harry.
Niall looked puzzled. "You're dating a guy? How is that... oh, you're gay?"
"Yes."
"Oh, well, no big deal. Right, mate?"
"No big deal," agreed Harry.
"You happy with him?"
"Yeah. More than happy."
Niall grinned at him. "Cool. How long for?"
"It's sort of hard to say. We had some troubled times, but now we're over it,
and we're doing just fine."
"What kind of troubled times?"
"He wouldn't accept he loved me at first."
"Ah," said Niall, "so he was closeted."
"Pretty much, yeah. He still is, but we're fine together now. He's in it for
the long haul, I can tell."
"Mate, I'm happy for you. You haven't had a girlfriend in a couple of years,
and I was getting worried about you. But now I know the real reason, it all
makes sense."
Harry came forward and hugged him. "Thanks, Niall. You've been great."
"Hey, you're my bro; whatever is cool with me. Now, I'm starving. I'm going to
get some snacks."
"Go ahead. I think I just heard Liam come home."
"Ah, so you're going to tell Liam next," said Niall. "Don't worry. He'll be
fine with you."
"You think so?" said Harry.
"I know so." Niall left.
Harry went to find Liam. Liam took it just as well as Niall.
"Was this why you broke off with Melody?" asked Liam. "I never understood,
before."
"Yeah, this is why. I couldn't do that to her anymore, use her, hide from
myself."
"You're a big man," said Liam. "It would be so easy to avoid the truth, I
imagine. Society is so prejudiced."
"It is. I'm glad you've taken it so well, Li."
"You're my brother. I love you and support you in everything," said Liam,
coming forward to hug him.
Next it was Zayn's turn. Harry was most particularly worried about Zayn since
he made that homosexual joke so long ago. Of course, he'd added he wasn't
prejudiced, but still...
"Zayn," said Harry, "remember when you made that joke about fairies and
homosexuals?"
"God, that." Zayn looked embarrassed. "I was immature, okay. I didn't mean it.
Are you coming out to me?"
"Yeah," said Harry, taken aback.
"It doesn't surprise me. I notice you haven't had a girlfriend for a couple of
years, despite offers from probably every girl out there. And in that time,
you've been particularly tight with William."
"How could you know?" said Harry.
"I pick up on things," said Zayn. "Don't worry, I didn't share my thoughts with
anyone else."
"I'm not with William anymore," said Harry.
"I know that, too. He hasn't been coming up every lunchbreak and whispering in
your ear."
"It wasn't every lunch break," protested Harry.
"It was often enough. I noticed he was always hard around you, and put two and
two together. But you're with someone else now, aren't you?" said Zayn.
"How do you know that?"
"I can just tell. I could even hazard a guess as to who it is."
"You couldn't," said Harry, aghast.
"I won't though, because if I'm wrong that could strain things between us."
Abruptly Harry knew. Zayn knew about him and Louis. "Give me a hint," he
suggested.
"Okay. You've had a crush on him for years."
"Yeah," whispered Harry.
Zayn looked conflicted. "Man, I don't know. I don't want to get myself into
trouble."
"Keep guessing."
"He skateboards."
"Yes."
"Everyone knows you two are really close."
"Yes."
"It's Louis, isn't it?"
"Yes," breathed Harry.
"I knew it," said Zayn. "Just watching you two, all the time, your bond is
special. It goes beyond normal friendship, I can tell."
"You aren't disgusted?"
"No, why would I be?" said Zayn.
"Because... we were like brothers. Except he was always more than a brother to
me."
"We're brothers by circumstance," said Zayn. "Push a bunch of kids together,
odds are there's going to be a couple coming out of it all. I know Mum wanted
to avoid boy-girl troubles, but she's just brought upon herself boy-boy
troubles. Does she know?"
"That I'm gay, yes," said Harry. "That I'm with Louis, no. How do you think
she'd take it?"
"I don't know," admitted Zayn. "She might see it as a bad thing because she'll
blame herself for rooming you two together. But does she see you being gay as a
bad thing?"
"No. She's supportive of me."
"There's that, then. No, I reckon she'll be supportive. It's not happening
under her roof anymore, so I think she'd take it well."
"It doesn't matter at the moment, anyway," said Harry. "Louis doesn't want to
come out."
"I understand that," said Zayn. "Will his father, will his step-mother support
him? Judging by what he says about them, no. Particularly his step-mum. I think
she's a real bitch."
"Yeah," agreed Harry. "She hardly visited him in the psychiatric hospital
because she was embarrassed."
"You keep on," said Zayn, patting him on the back. "Don't be ashamed, and don't
be afraid. We're all here to support you. I love you, bro."
Harry took him in a hug. "I love you, too."
"Everything will work out, you'll see," said Zayn, hugging him back.
"I hope so," said Harry fervently.
***** Chapter 12 *****
No one was prepared for the events of Saturday night. They were all, including
Mum, engaging in a pleasant game of canasta at the meals table, when a knock on
the door was heard.
It was 9:00pm. "Who could that be?" said Mum. The weather was wild, stirring
snow about. Surely no one of good intentions would be knocking on the door this
late at night. "Ignore it," said Mum.
So they did. The knocking came again. Then, after about ten seconds, a key
turned in the lock.
Harry and Mum jumped up. They both knew Louis had never turned in his key. Mum
hadn't asked it of him. Meanwhile, the boys had put their cards down and were
looking towards the hallway.
"I'll get it," said Zayn, standing up. "I'm the man of the house."
However, they all followed Zayn to the door. He switched on the hall light to
reveal-
"Louis!"
Harry was less surprised than Zayn. They all crowded around him, wondering what
was going on. It was obvious Louis had been crying; his eyes were puffy and
rimmed in red. His beanie was soaked through. He tolerated the attention like a
scared rabbit looking for escape.
"Boys," said Mum, "back off him." They all obeyed. Mum came forward. "Louis.
What brings you to our door so late?"
"I just need Harry," he said.
Harry came forward and hugged Louis. He was wet.
"But this late at night?" said Mum. "Won't your father be worried?"
"No, he couldn't give a stuff about me," said Louis. "He kicked me out of the
house."
"He what?"
"He kicked me out," repeated Louis. "He doesn't want to see me any more."
"But why?" asked Mum.
Harry had told Louis how he'd come out to everyone in the family; how they'd
all been supportive. It could be the only reason why Louis blurted, "I came out
as bisexual to my dad and stepmum. I told them I was in a relationship with
another boy. They threw me out."
"Oh my goodness," said Mum. "What were they thinking? Come into the house,
honey. You're all wet."
"My dad said, 'you're an Austin, you're supposed to carry on the family name',"
said Louis, following them all into the main room. "Can I stay here?"
"Of course you can," said Mum. "I'll just have to phone your father to let him
know where you are."
"I don't want him to know where I am," said Louis.
"Nevertheless, I have to inform him."
"Like he'll care anyway," said Louis. "Go on, tell him, might as well."
"Get out of those damp things," said Mum. "You're shivering. Go with Liam,
he'll lend you some clothes. You can sleep in Harry's old bed."
"I had to walk from the bus station," said Louis. "There was no connecting
bus."
"You poor boy. The weather's awful. You should have a hot shower to warm you
up. Here, give me your coat and beanie."
Louis handed his sodden coat and beanie over and went down the passage with
Liam.
"No, Harry, don't follow him," said Mum. "Let him get cleaned up."
Harry gazed longingly down the passage, but did as he was told. Niall and Zayn
were casting glances back and forth between each other and Harry.
"Louis is bi?" said Niall. "Never saw that one coming."
"I knew about it. Harry knew about it," said Zayn.
"Why am I always the last to know anything around here?"
"I guessed," said Zayn. "And you know he's always confided in Harry. I don't
think Liam knew, if it makes you feel better."
"It's not about me," said Niall. "It's about Louis. He doesn't look okay.
Getting thrown out of the house, that's pretty dire."
"I'll say. His father is a prick."
"Do you think it means he can move back here?"
"No," said Harry. "He was expecting his dad to kick him out one day. He says
he'll go into the foster system in Sheffield." Meanwhile Mum was phoning Louis'
dad. "Hush, I want to listen."
"Where did you expect him to go?" Mum was saying into the phone. "You can't
kick a boy out, especially in this weather. He turned up here looking like a
wreck." She paused as Louis' dad obviously spoke. "I understand it was a shock,
but really. Your reaction was entirely over the top... I don't care if you want
to blame your wife, I really don't care whose fault it was. You let that boy
leave, thinking he was rejected by his family, and I don't have any sympathy
for you. He's very sensitive... he may not show it, but he is. Surely you
learned something from the whole admission into the psychiatric hospital?...
well, I'm glad to hear it, but for now he's staying with me. Just try to
challenge that one. You haven't done yourself any favours. Goodnight." Mum hung
up and came out to see three boys listening avidly.
"What did he say?" said Harry.
"He tried to put all the blame on his wife," said Mum. "He said he had to go
along with her, but that he didn't really mean to throw Louis out. He was just
shocked. He wants him to come back, but I'm not letting Louis go back there
until I'm sure it's safe for him to do so."
"Yay, Mum," said Niall, while Harry hugged her.
Liam came back up the passage. "Louis' in the shower," he told them. "I lent
him some of my clothes. They'll be a bit small, but not too much, hopefully."
The game of Canasta remained all but forgotten. They all sat down on the
couches, waiting for Louis to come out of the shower. Harry made sure the spare
seat was beside him.
Eventually, Louis came out, dressed in Liam's tracksuit pants, jumper and
socks. He'd washed his hair, too, and it was all hanging across his forehead.
He looked so cuddly, thought Harry, if only it weren't for his sad eyes. He
hung his head as he came over and sat next to Harry.
"I called your father," said Mum. "He said he made a mistake and he wants you
to come back."
"Can't I stay here?" pleaded Louis.
"I told him I was keeping you until I could be certain it was safe for you to
return. I don't think we'll have the police showing up on our doorstep this
time." She got up. "Where are your clothes?"
"In the bathroom."
"I'll go and put them through the washing machine. I might as well wash your
coat, too, while I'm there."
"Thanks, Ms Curtis."
Mum went to fetch his coat, then went down the passage to collect his other
things.
"Louis," said Niall, "why didn't you tell me you were bi? Zayn and Harry said
they already knew."
Louis glanced sharply at Zayn. Harry hadn't told him Zayn had guessed. He
hadn't got around to it.
"Don't worry, mate, it's no big deal," Zayn reassured him. "I guessed."
"How do you guess something like that?" said Louis. "I've never given any
sign."
"I think you'd rather I didn't say, at this point."
Realisation dawned on Louis' face. Zayn nodded at him.
"What? What's the secret?" said Liam.
"Never mind," said Louis and Zayn together.
"All right," said Liam, sitting back, "but you all know you can tell me
anything. Whenever you're ready."
"I'll tell you, Li, Ni, but not just yet. It's still too soon, for me," said
Louis.
"I understand."
"Yeah," said Niall, "you take all the time you need."
Mum came back from putting Louis' clothes in the washer, and sat down in her
former place.
"We should pack up the game," said Zayn.
"Yes, we might as well," said Mum. "I don't feel like playing Canasta anymore,
and it's getting close to your bedtimes."
"Who was leading?" asked Niall.
"Not us," said Zayn, moving to pack up the game.
"Mum and Harry and me," Liam told Niall.
Mum stood up. "I'll just go and make up Harry's old bed."
Harry and Louis glanced at each other. Were they going to sleep separately? But
two growing boys in a single bed these days meant they were pressed for room if
they slept together. So both said nothing, and let Mum make up the bed. Louis
stood up when she came back, and said he'd like to go to sleep, now. Harry
stood up and said the same.
"Goodnight, boys," said Mum.
They both said goodnight, and went down to the right end room. Harry switched
on the light. Sure enough, there was Harry's old bed, made up. Louis shucked
Liam's clothes until he was down to underwear and a t-shirt, and got into
Harry's bed. Harry meanwhile changed into his pyjamas, turned the light off,
and likewise got into Louis' bed.
The distance between them was tangible. Harry ached with the feeling of how
close Louis was.
"Louis," he said.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry your father's such a prick."
"I'm sorry, too."
"Mum said he blamed his wife. Is that true?"
"She was the instigator," said Louis. "She was going on about how this was
another disgrace I'd brought upon the family, how I was a negative influence
for Georgia... she basically threw me out, but the man who calls himself my dad
did nothing to stop her. He didn't say much at all, really."
"Darren says your dad loves you, in a selfish and possessive way," said Harry.
"Well, he doesn't love that I'm in a gay relationship. He said I should be
carrying on the Austin name. He keeps pressuring me to change my name to
Austin, but I won't."
"Louis?"
"Yes?"
"Are you going to sleep over there tonight?"
"Will we both fit in a single bed? We've both grown so much."
"We can try," said Harry.
Louis got out of bed and came over. Harry could see him by the moonlight
filtering between the curtains, which he hadn't bothered to close. Louis
reached the bed, and, taking up his usual position, crawled over Harry and lay
against the wall. It was a tight squeeze. Turning into each other's arms
brought them closer together, even as it gave them more space.
"My hands are freezing," said Louis. "I can't touch you."
"Let me feel," said Harry. Louis brought his hands up to Harry's chest, and
Harry felt them. They were cold, but no more cold than his. "We're both as cold
as each other."
"If only you had an electric blanket," said Louis. "I've got an electric
blanket."
"We'll just have to warm each other up."
Louis pulled back, blew on his hands, and then put them somewhere Harry wasn't
sure of. "I'll warm myself up for you."
"Where are your hands?"
"Underneath my armpits, silly."
Harry copied him, blowing on his own hands, and tucking them under his armpits.
Before long, they felt warm enough. Harry chanced a feel down Louis' back.
"They're not still cold?"
"No, they're fine," said Louis. He brought his own hands out, enabling Harry to
get closer. Likewise, Louis stroked down Harry's back. "I'm so exhausted," he
said, lifting Harry's pyjama top and slipping a hand underneath. His hands were
still a little cold, but welcome.
For a while, it was only the sound of their breathing, and the movements of
their stroking.
"You should sleep," said Harry, eventually.
"I can feel your hard-on."
"Don't worry about it. I've slept with you with hard-ons before."
"Good, because as much as I'd love to take you in hand, I'm so fucking tired."
Harry soothed him, stroking his hair. "Go to sleep, baby."
"Harry," sighed Louis, gave him a firm hug, and relaxed, letting a breath out.
Their faces were close on the pillow. Harry pecked him on the lips, and Louis
sighed. "Goodnight, love."
"Goodnight," said Harry.
***
Harry woke up early, to the delicious feeling of cradling Louis in his arms.
Louis had turned in the night, onto his back, and Harry was right up against
his side, one arm encircling Louis. He enjoyed the feeling of being wrapped in
Louis' warmth as he woke up in the morning, something he hadn't had for a long,
long time. Every inch of his body touching Louis he mapped in his mind. It was
heady. Nevertheless, he found himelf falling back to sleep again, and let it
take him under.
The next time he woke up, it was a bit later. He opened his eyes, to find Louis
staring back at him.
"Morning, sweetheart," said Louis.
Harry blinked. "I woke up before you, you know."
"I don't think so. I've been awake for half an hour, and you haven't stirred."
"No, I woke up while it was still a bit dark. So I went back to sleep."
"You're so cute," said Louis, reaching forward, kissing him. "Look at how
sleepy you are."
"I'm not sleepy." He rolled his hips experimentally. Louis had morning wood. So
did Harry, for that matter.
"Harry," said Louis, "we can't get off now."
"I know,"groaned Harry, "but why do you have to be turned on?"
"I can't help it, I'm in bed with you." Louis leaned forward to kiss him again.
They made out for a while, rutting against each other despite their words.
Eventually, however, Louis released his mouth, and leaned back from Harry's
hard dick. "I can see by your bedside clock it's nearly breakfast time. Do you
want Ms Curtis to catch us?"
Harry yawned, and stretched his body against Louis in one last sexual act.
"No," he murmured.
"Come on, baby, let's get up." Louis sat up, and, with a sigh, Harry followed
suit. He clambered out of bed to get dressed. Louis got dressed in Liam's
clothes of last night. They were only just too small for him, but the tightness
of his tracksuit pants had Harry licking his lips and putting his fingers in
his mouth. He'd have to avoid looking at Louis' crotch. He tucked his own hard-
on into his underwear and dressed in warm clothing, as befitted the weather,
including slippers. Then they both went out to breakfast.
Mum had obviously gotten up early. There was a cooked breakfast on its way, of
bacon, eggs and tomatoes. "Oh good, you're up," said Mum, when she saw them.
"One of you set the table?"
"I'll get the cutlery, you get the plates," said Louis.
Harry went to the cupboard and brought out the plates. Six, once again, the
mismatched plate being his own again. He was happy about it, for it meant that
Louis was here.
"Go and wake up the other boys," instructed Mum. "Breakfast will be ready in
five."
Louis went to wake Zayn, and Harry to wake Liam and Niall.
"It's too cold," said Liam, curling up exaggeratedly under his blankets.
"Bacon and eggs and tomatoes." Niall perked right up. "I'll get out of bed for
that."
"Come on, Liam, we're all up," said Harry, assuming Louis would have success
with Zayn. "It's time to get out of bed." He moved forward. "I'll fling the
blankets off you."
"All right, all right," said Liam, kicking his blankets off. "Brrr. You better
not be kidding about breakfast."
"I'm not," Harry assured him, and went back to the kitchen. Louis had returned,
too.
"Zayn get up?" said Harry.
"Yeah. He wasn't too much trouble."
"Good. Niall and Liam are on their way, too. Mum, do you want me to do
anything?"
"Check the tomatoes," she said. Harry did so, turning them in the griller.
The boys had made it out of bed by the time breakfast was ready. Harry, in the
kitchen helping Mum, took special note of the fact that they all said hello to
Louis. It was like old times, he reflected. He and Mum served up the food onto
plates, and then brought it out to four other hungry boys.
"I do love a cooked breakfast," said Niall, his knife and fork hovering eagerly
over his plate as everyone was served. Louis sat at his old spot, at the head
of the table opposite Mum. Very quickly, all the meals were brought out, and
they tucked in.
***
Mum had dried Louis' clothes in the night after washing them, so he put them
back on. He looked a little distanced, a little nervous.
"What's the matter, Louis?" said Zayn, always perceptive enough to pick up on
things.
"Just worried my dad's going to phone and demand I come home."
"He's got no leg to stand on, mate, don't worry. Do you want to do a jigsaw? We
got one from the library."
"How many pieces?"
"Five thousand. The max they have at the library," said Zayn.
"We'll need the card table," said Louis. "It's in your wardrobe, right? I'll go
fetch it."
The weather was blustery and snowing again. A perfect day to stay indoors. Zayn
fetched the jigsaw, while Louis fetched the card table. Louis set up the card
table, while Zayn tipped the pieces out of the box. Zayn then set the box up on
the table. It was a picture of a manor house, surrounded by spring gardens. The
sky and the grass would be the difficult parts.
"Set up the sky pieces in the base," said Louis.
"Set up the grass pieces in a seperate pile, too," said Zayn, always ready for
a challenge.
Five sets of fingers turned eagerly through the pieces of jigsaw, searching for
the edges. They always felt so much better when they got the edges down, Harry
reflected, even though, really, filling in the puzzle was just as important.
They spent all morning on the jigsaw, getting the edges filled in at last, then
each starting on a separate section. Harry elected to start on the windows of
the manor house. He worked at the table. Zayn, who'd taken on the grass, was
also at the table. Louis worked on a bed of petunias. Niall and Liam assembled
their chosen sections on catalogues on the floor. The catalogues were so they
could lift their completed sections up to the table. By the time Mum called
them to lunch, they'd made a solid start.
Lunch was a hearty lamb and vegetable soup with bread rolls.
"I haven't had a cooked lunch in ages," said Louis, drinking his soup down
appreciatively. "It's sandwiches all the time at my dad's house."
"If you want some more, go and help yourself," said Mum. "There's plenty."
They all ended up having second serves. With homemade fruitcake for afters, it
was safe to say everyone ended up full and satisfied.
Louis' father phoned that afternoon, as they continued work on the jigsaw.
Louis stiffened as he heard Mum mention his dad's name. He stopped working on
the jigsaw and looked towards the hall. So did Harry.
"I think it would be best if he stayed here for a few days," he heard Mum say.
"He's very vulnerable right now... I appreciate that, but think of the poor
boy. If you truly care for him... you wanted to take on the responsibility of a
kid, you have to accept him for who he is... if that's the case, you need to
have a good talking-to with your wife before he comes back."
Harry slipped a hand onto Louis' knee. Louis took it with his own and squeezed
it, still looking at the hallway.
"Well, of course, I'll need to come over and collect some of his things," Mum
was saying. "Just me, I think, he's too vulnerable right now. No, I can drive
him to school, it's not a problem in the short-term... well, I think we should
see how it goes. Shall we say a week, and he goes back to you on Sunday? Okay.
Okay then... no, I think it would be best if you called in a couple of days
time... I'll see, but I doubt it." She came into the main room. "Louis, do you
want to talk to your father?"
"No," said Louis, squeezing Harry's hand again.
Mum went back into the hall. "He says no. As I said, best to leave it a couple
of days. Well, goodbye, Troy. I hope you sort things out with your wife." Mum
hung the phone up and came back into the room. "Louis? Can I talk to you? We'll
go in the kitchen."
Harry removed his hand and Louis got up and followed Mum into the kitchen. They
spoke too softly for Harry to hear, but when Louis came back out his face had
less of a pinched look.
"Ms Curtis says I'm staying here until next Sunday," he said, and the boys all
cheered.
Mum followed him out. "Boys, I'm just going over to Louis' father's to collect
some of his things."
"Don't forget my skateboard," said Louis. "Oh, and the Maths homework on my
desk. Bring the Maths book, too? And my schoolbag?"
"Okay,"said Mum, "Maths homework, Maths book, schoolbag. Skateboard. School
uniform, and a few changes of clothes. Anything else? We should be able to
supply everything else."
"That covers everything I care about," said Louis.
"Could you bring back his Xbox?" said Niall.
"No," said Mum firmly. "Just the essentials."
She left and Zayn nudged Niall. "His Xbox," he repeated.
"It's a fair request. This house desperately needs a gaming console of some
kind. Our computer is so old it won't take anything high-end."
"Why don't you all agree to have one as a combined Christmas present or
something?" said Louis.
"Nah, it'll still be too much expense for Mum," said Zayn. "Sometimes I think I
earn more money than she does. I've got some savings, whereas Mum never seems
to have any, despite the fact that she doesn't spend any money on herself.
Let's face it, lads, we're expensive."
"We should all put in and get her something nice this coming Christmas," said
Liam. "I know it's a fair way away, but she'd appreciate it more than four
boxes of chocolates."
"Her birthday's sooner," said Niall. "Perhaps we could do something then."
"Think about it, lads. See if you can come up with any ideas," said Liam.
They all agreed to try to come up with an idea.
***
Mum came back late that afternoon with Louis' things, and Louis and Harry
helped her carry them from the car. His clothes were in a swanky new suitcase,
obviously brought by his father. Louis carried that in. Mum grabbed his
schoolbag and a bag full of incidentals, and Harry took Louis' skateboard and
helmet. Harry went out onto the back verandah to place his items. It was so
long since there'd been three skateboards lined up along the wall. He felt a
pang in his heart.
He went back into the house, to discover all the boys plus Mum and Louis
crowded into his bedroom.
"Do you need any help putting stuff away?" offered Liam.
"I made some room in the wardrobe while you were gone," said Harry.
"Nah, I'll just live out of the suitcase," said Louis.
"You should hang up your school blazer and trousers at least so they don't get
creased," suggested Mum.
Louis dutifully fetched out his school gear, which was on top of the suitcase,
and proceeded to hang them up.
"Boys," said Mum, "there's too many of you in here. Go back to your jigsaw."
"We just wanted to help," said Zayn.
"You're more hindrance than help, love. Go on."
Sighing, Zayn, Niall, and Liam left the room. Harry stayed. "Honestly," he
said, "you can empty out your suitcase into the cubby-holes in the wardrobe.
I've left enough room."
"You didn't have to, silly. I'm only going to be here for a week," said Louis.
Still, he obliged Harry by looking in the wardrobe once again. Sure enough,
Harry had left him plenty of space for his suitcase-full of clothes.
"I'll help," said Harry, picking up a couple of long-sleeved shirts from the
top of his suitcase.
Louis rolled his eyes, but acquiesced to Harry's domesticity. Mum left, pleased
that Harry had talked Louis into emptying out his suitcase. When they finished,
they stowed it under Harry's bed; which was now Louis' bed, but Harry still
thought of the beds the way they used to be, when they were living together. He
was insistent on the fact that he slept in Louis' bed, not his own. Whenever he
mentioned it, he always referred to it as Louis' bed.
The next week was one of the happiest of Harry's life. Waking up in bed with
Louis. Louis in the mornings, albeit briefly, as Mum had to drive him to
Sheffield. Louis down the skatepark with the gang in the afternoons, after Mum
picked him up from school. Louis at dinner, sitting in his old spot. Finishing
off the jigsaw, playing cards, watching TV leaning up against him. And at
night, in bed together, furtive hand-jobs, Harry's spare hand in Louis' mouth
as he sucked on Harry's fingers, trying to keep quiet.
Louis agreed to speak to his father on Tuesday. Afterwards, he told the boys
what his father had said. "He said he was sorry, he overreacted. He was in
shock, he said."
"That doesn't cut it," said Zayn.
"He threw you out on the street," said Niall.
"Technically it was the woman who calls herself my stepmother that did that,"
said Louis.
"But he didn't say anything to stop her," said Zayn.
"No."
"He's a wanker."
"He reckons he's sorry," Louis repeated.
"How can you trust him? I don't like you having to go back there," said Zayn.
"How can you be expected to go back after that?" said Liam.
"I have to. I'm just lucky he agreed to let me stay here for a week."
"Why doesn't he just give up and give you back to us?" said Niall. "It's
obvious you're not suited to his environment."
"He's stubborn," said Louis. "It's even starting to affect his marriage, but
he's stubborn. He wants it all. He's clinging to his dream of a nuclear family
even though one member has a psychiatric history and is bisexual."
The boys all shook their heads. It was obvious none of them liked the
situation.
"I'm eighteen in less than a year," added Louis. "I can move out, then."
"And do what?" said Liam, ever the practical one. "Don't you want to finish
your A Levels? You'd have to work full-time to afford a place of your own."
"You could move back here," said Harry.
"I hadn't thought of that," said Liam.
"When you're eighteen, you can live where you want," said Harry excitedly.
"Louis, you could move back here. You could go back to school here."
Hope sparkled in Louis' eyes. "But Ms Curtis would have to say yes."
"She'll say yes," said Niall. "She considers you one of her sons. Let's go ask
her."
"Hold on," said Louis. "Before you get too excited, there's something you need
to know, something she needs to know." He met Harry's eyes, and Harry was
abruptly aware of what he was going to tell them. "Can I?" he asked Harry.
Harry nodded.
"What is it?" said Niall, sinking back down into the couch.
"The boy I'm in a relationship with. It's Harry. I know Zayn knows, but you two
don't," he addressed Niall and Liam.
"You're in a relationship with Harry?" repeated Niall. "Since when?"
"Since only recently. We haven't been hiding it from you guys, I swear."
"Somehow the world makes a little more sense," said Liam thoughtfully.
"Nialler?" said Harry.
Niall was nodding his head. "There's always been something extra-special
between you two. I say, life is short, find happiness wherever you can."
"How do you think Mum will take it?" said Harry to the boys.
"I don't know," said Liam, honestly. "She might feel guilty. Although she
accepted the fact you were gay without any dramas."
"I can see where Liam's coming from," said Niall. "You need a plan of attack
before you approach her."
Louis and Harry's eyes met. "We'll work on it," said Harry.
"Please don't anyone tell her before we do," said Louis.
The boys said of course they wouldn't. Then they moved on to talk about who was
going to win the football this year, and the subject was, happily, thought
Harry, dropped.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Unfortunately, the week had to end. The next Sunday, Louis repacked his
suitcase and got all his things together. His father was coming to pick him up.
Not until two o'clock, however, which meant that Louis could at least have a
last meal here. Mum served up a lamb roast, which was Louis' favourite, with
apple pie for dessert.
"Harry and I will help with the dishes," said Louis, when the meal finished.
"Louis, there's no need," said Mum. "I can get one of the other boys to help."
"No, I want to. I want to talk to you."
"Oh. In that case, feel free."
Louis and Harry looked at each other. They'd discussed several plans of attack
as to how to approach Mum about their relationship. They'd decided to counter
any guilt she might feel with the message that their love was a good thing. Now
they had to put it into practice.
Mum began the dishes, and Louis took the first plate. He took in a deep breath,
looked at Mum, then baulked, and wandered over to put the dish away in the
cupboard.
Harry decided to start the conversation off. "Mum, Louis and I have something
to tell you. We're in a relationship."
"What was that again, Harry?" said Mum, concentrating on her dishes.
"We're in a relationship," Harry repeated. "I love him, and he loves me."
Mum paused. "No," she said, uncertainly.
Harry had to meet her eyes. "We're together. We've been together a few months
now. We thought you ought to know."
"Oh my goodness... this is my fault. I should have separated you two when I
found you in bed together all those times."
"It's only been going for a few months," repeated Harry. "It was nothing to do
with our sleeping together."
Louis finally stepped up to the plate. "It's not a bad thing, it's a good
thing."
"But, no, this has to be my fault. I should have seen it coming, should have
intervened-"
"Mum," said Harry, getting her to look at him once again. "It was nothing that
you did."
"We were never together when I was living under your roof," emphasised Louis.
"Boys," said Mum. "I... if you're happy, that's all that I can ask, but... I
can't help but think this was my fault. I put you two together."
"You put Liam and Niall together, and they haven't done anything," Harry
pointed out.
"It's a good thing," repeated Louis. "Not a bad thing. We've found each other.
We're happy."
"So all this week... you haven't been sleeping in your bed, have you, Louis?
After that first morning, the cover was always undisturbed and you're not known
for making your bed."
Harry and Louis looked at each other embarrassedly, before Harry said, "No,
we've been sleeping in my bed."
Mum sighed. "Boys... I love you both, never forget that. It's just... I never
expected this. I feel like a parent to the both of you. I can't help but feel
there's something I should have done."
"You haven't had any control over me for the past couple of years," Louis
pointed out. "There's nothing you could have, or should have, done. Why can't
you accept the fact that Harry and I are happy together?"
"Goodness knows, I want you two to be happy." She left off the dishes for the
moment, contemplatively drying her hands on the kitchen towel, before she
turned to look at both of them. "Are you happy?"
Louis had already said that, but Harry said it again. "We're happy. We want
nothing more than to be together."
"Oh, darlings. As if I could ever deny you happiness." She opened her arms to
them, and Harry and Louis came forward, Harry burrowing into her right side,
Louis her left. He hugged them closely. "It's just such a shock, that's all. I
keep thinking like a parent towards you both, when I should be thinking like an
adult. You're both old enough to know what you want. If you want each other,
then nothing will make me happier than seeing you two together."
"Aw, Mum," said Harry, while Louis said, "Thanks, Ms Curtis."
"That's my only regret," said Mum to Louis, releasing them, "that you only ever
called me 'mum' the once."
Louis looked embarrassed. Harry said, "When he turns eighteen, can he come back
and live with us? He won't be forced to live with his dad anymore."
"Well, you two are certainly bringing up the hard stuff today, aren't you?" She
turned to Louis. "Louis, if you don't want to live with your dad, you're
welcome here any time. I've told you I thought of you as my son. I still do. If
you need somewhere to live when you turn eighteen, my house is open."
Louis stepped up to hug her again. "Thanks... Mum," he said, shyly.
"Oh, you." She hugged him back fiercely before stepping back. "Let's get these
dishes sorted, shall we?"
They finished off the dishes, and it was less than an hour before Louis was due
to be picked up. The boys and Louis hung out in Harry's room, listening to
Harry's mix of indie rock and chart music, Niall strumming the guitar every so
often, Liam beatboxing, and Harry and Louis just hanging out on Louis' bed.
Eventually, however, the call came.
"Louis! Your father's here."
"Shit," said Louis. He stood up.
Niall immediately dropped his guitar and came forward to hug him. "It's been
great having you back, bro."
Liam and Zayn lined up for hugs after Niall. Then Louis looked to Harry, and
gathered him up in a hug that lasted for a long time, and ended with a kiss
behind his ear. He straightened up. "I"ll miss you all," he said.
They all echoed his sentiments. Then Louis was gone. Harry wanted to follow
him, but didn't dare meet Louis' father. He was still scared of him, despite
that meeting a while ago. Besides, it wasn't likely that he could get another
hug and kiss from Louis. So he followed the boys up the passage, into the main
room, and listened from there.
"That everything, Louis?" said his father.
"Yes," they heard Louis say.
"You've got your skateboard? I know how much you care about that."
"Already in the car."
"Well," said Mr Austin awkwardly, "thanks for looking after Louis for the past
week."
"I only hope you've sorted things out with your wife," said Mum tartly.
"No, everything's fine, we all know where we stand. Louis is welcome back."
"I hope so," said Mum.
That was the end of the conversation. Harry rushed to the door, once he
realised they'd gone to the car in order to leave. He scrambled out of the door
to see Mr Austin's car pulling out of the driveway. He could see Louis in the
passenger seat. He waved frantically. At the last minute, Louis saw him and
waved back. Then they were driving off down the street, and Harry had to accept
he'd lost Louis again for an unforseen time.
***
They met up at McDonalds in Sheffield the next day--Louis having gone back to
work--but it just wasn't the same for Harry. It was nowhere near the same as
having Louis for himself; he had to share with six other guys, including Zayn.
"So, you've been living at the Curtis house for the past week," said Darren,
who Louis had obviously phoned some time during the week. "What's that been
like?"
"It's been great. I'm moving back there when I'm eighteen."
"They'll have you back?" teased Darren.
"Ms Curtis said so."
"What does your dad think about that?"
"Haven't told him," said Louis.
"You'd leave behind your Xbox, your computer, your TV, in order to live with Ms
Curtis again?"
"It'll all be worth it," said Louis. "To be somewhere where I'm wanted, from
somewhere where I'm barely tolerated. And I'll be back at school with you
guys."
Darren slung an arm around Louis' shoulders. "I hope it all works out for you,"
he said.
***
The year continued on. Harry and Louis were able to take occasional sexual
liasons at William's, but the whole set-up of the situation was never one
hundred percent comfortable. Harry wanted to try anal sex. Louis dithered. He
wanted full privacy, no William listening at the door, a fact which they were
powerless to stop. William listened, and got off, every time they had sex
together. For the moment, anal sex was off the agenda.
Meanwhile, Tom had been taking guitar lessons. Callum had been given a drumkit
for his fifteenth birthday. Harry could sing. It was down to Jamie to agree to
learn the bass guitar.
"Come on, man, we could be in a band together," said Tom to Jamie.
"Where will I get a bass from?"
"I've got one you can borrow, until you get your own. You'll have to get your
own amp, though."
"How about we get together this weekend?" said Callum. "Jamie, Tom can show you
what to do on the bass."
"He'll need an amp, though," said Tom.
"I've got a spare amp. I play a bit of guitar too, you know."
"I'll need a microphone and amp," said Harry.
"Can you afford it?"
"I've been saving up. I think I can. I'll go into the music shop tomorrow and
see. In the meantime, we should all agree to learn a couple of songs."
"Like what?"
"'Summer of '69' by Bryan Adams," suggested Harry. He was quite fond of the
song. He'd even learnt to play it on guitar.
"You got the sheet music?"
"Yeah."
"Bring it to school tomorrow. What else?"
"'Paint it Black' by the Rolling Stones," said Callum.
"Do you have the music?"
"I have the music," said Callum.
"All right," said Tom. "Both of you, photocopy three sets, so we can all have
one. Jamie, come around to my house this afternoon so I can show you the
basics."
"All right," said Jamie.
"Where are we going to practice?" said Harry.
"We can practice at my house," said Callum. "I've got my drumkit set up in the
games room. There's plenty of space."
"Your mum's not going to freak out?"
"No, she's used to me playing the drums. A few more instruments won't kill
her."
"That's decided then," said Harry. "We'll all come over to your house, Callum,
on Saturday. What time? I work until three."
"Can you make it at four?" said Callum.
Harry agreed. 4:00pm at Callum's it was.
***
The next day Harry went into Doncaster and bought himself a microphone and amp.
He didn't have enough money to afford a mic stand, however it was unnecessary.
He could get by with the mic and amp easily. He phoned Louis that night and
told him about his fledgling band.
"Sounds cool," said Louis. "Are you going to do covers?"
"For now. Jamie doesn't even know how to play bass. It'll take a while for us
to be writing originals."
"What are you going to call yourselves?"
"I don't know. We haven't discussed it. That's probably what we'll spend most
of Saturday doing," Harry predicted. With Jamie a complete and utter novice, it
was hard to see them getting competently through the songs they'd chosen.
"Good luck with it," said Louis. "You're an ace singer, Harry. Sing me
something now."
Harry obliged. He sang, 'Don't Look Back in Anger' by Oasis. It was an easy
song to sing, the words flowing smoothly from his mouth.
"I love your voice," said Louis, when Harry had finished.
"I love yours too. Sing me something back."
"I can't. My dad will overhear."
"Just think," said Harry, "soon it will be the summer holidays, then you'll
have one more semester of school, and you can move back here. And you can sing
for me whenever you want."
"I'll have to get a job," said Louis. "I should be able to transfer over to the
McDonald's in Doncaster easily enough. I finally made Employee of the Month. My
manager's happy with me."
"I'm surprised you didn't get it before," said Harry.
"No, I think it was about my turn. Like you said that time, they have to keep
our self-esteem up."
"Louis, you're genuinely good at serving people."
"I chat too much," said Louis dismissively.
"You make people feel happy. I like to chat, too, and it makes the customers
happy."
"You're in an independent, small-town bakery, where they encourage you. I'm
working for a corporation which definitely doesn't have its heart invested in
its people, but rather in money. Your managers are nice, because they own the
place. Mine's a hardass because he knows he's only a lackey."
"Then why don't you work for someone else?" suggested Harry.
"I don't dislike my job. I'm just saying. Yours is better than mine."
"They want me to take on more hours," said Harry. "They want me to work
Sundays, too. I said no."
"Harry, don't say no because of me."
"It's okay. They asked if I could work Friday afternoons, then. I said yes."
"That's good," said Louis. "More money for you."
"Do you still smoke pot?" asked Harry.
"Harry... " Louis sighed. "Yeah, but I carry it on my person now. They're not
likely to do a full body search."
"You'll have to stop that if you move back here."
"I know. But I won't need to smoke it, there."
Harry breathed in and out. "I wish I could hug you right now."
"I wish I could hug you and kiss you."
"I wish I could touch you," said Harry. "I wish I could stroke your dick."
"Harry," said Louis, "are you trying to have phone sex?"
He hadn't been, but now that it was mentioned... "I don't know," said Harry,
shyly.
"Are you touching yourself?"
Harry dug in his pyjamas and put a hand around his dick. "I am now."
"Gosh. Wait a minute." Harry heard Louis shuffling about. "Okay, I'm under the
covers. I've got some privacy. Are you stroking yourself?"
"Wait, let me get in under the covers, too." Harry wriggled into bed and pulled
his pants off. "I'm stroking myself now."
"Good. I am, too. Right from my base, over my cockhead. I'm thinking about
you."
Harry worked his own dick. "I'm thinking about you, too." His dick began to
inflate. "Oh, yeah."
"Baby," said Louis, "I'm thinking about you touching me right now. I'm
imagining it's your hand on my dick. Do you know how hot that is?"
"I'm thinking the same thing," said Harry. "I'm getting hard."
"Keep working it, baby. Know that I'd give anything for it to really be my
hand."
"Louis," moaned Harry, feeling his dick swell again. He let it go. It was up
against his stomach, now. That was how turned on he was. He quickly took
himself back in hand, waiting for further words from Louis.
"Are you jerking yourself?" said Louis.
"Yes," said Harry.
"Any precum?"
"Not yet. You're still touching yourself, aren't you?"
"Oh, yeah," said Louis. "I'm having a right old wank. Having your voice in my
ear really turns me on, you know?"
"It turns me on, too," said Harry.
"I've got precum. I'm slicking it over my cockhead. It feels really good."
Harry jerked himself urgently. He wanted precum, too. "I've taken my pants
off," he told Louis.
"Maybe I should take mine off, too. What do you think?"
"Yeah," said Harry. "Take them off."
He heard Louis shuffle around some more, before he came back to the phone. "I'm
completely naked from the waist down."
"So am I."
Louis groaned a little at that. "Harry, your cock is so beautiful. I want my
mouth on it. I want to caress your balls."
Harry felt a spurt. A bit of precum gathered at his slit. "Louis, I've got
precum."
"Spread it over your head."
"I am. It feels so good."
"That's my baby. Touch yourself, Harry."
Harry groaned. "I'm touching myself. Louis, you feel so good."
"You feel so good, too, baby. I'm getting really worked up."
They continued to talk each other through their masturbation. Harry could feel
himself getting close. He didn't care if Mum walked in on him at this point,
that was how close he was. "Ooh, Louis, I'm getting really close."
"Keep stroking yourself," said Louis. "You're so hot, Harry."
"Ooh, I want you so badly."
"You've got me. I'm right here. I'm starting to get close, too."
"Louis, I love you so much."
"I love you, too. More than you could dream of. Oh. I really am close. I keep
pretending it's your hand against me."
"And yours against me," said Harry.
"Harry, I love your fingers, what they do to me," said Louis. "You get me so
fucking ready."
"Louis, your hands, they're amazing. I could cum ten times in a day just from
your hands. I love your hands." Louis breathed heavily into the phone. Harry
had to ask, "Louis, where is your second hand? Is it on the phone?"
"Yeah."
"I want you to touch your nipples."
"Harry, I'll try, but there's no guarantee I can keep the phone between my
ear."
"Try," said Harry.
It was another few seconds, but Harry could hear, "Oh shit. That feels
amazing."
"What are you doing?" said Harry, wanting him to describe it.
"I've licked my fingers and I'm pulling on my nipples," said Louis, his voice a
little fainter. "First right, then left. I think I'm more sensitive on the
right side."
"Pull your right nipple."
"Oh, Harry, it feels so fucking good."
"I'm almost there," said Harry, oversensitised by now. He should be cumming any
minute.
"Talk me through it. What are you feeling right now?"
"Oh god. I'm so fucking hard. My cock is so stiff, it's about to explode. I'm
jerking myself as hard as I can. Oh, god. I'm nearly there." Harry squeezed his
eyes shut. "It's building, it's building... oh... oh... oh... I'm cumming... oh
fuck." He blissed out for several seconds, without speaking. Then he remembered
Louis, on the other end of the line. "Oh, Louis. You've just made me cum."
"Wait for me?"
"Of course," said Harry, stroking himself through his orgasm. "Keep touching
yourself. I want you to cum hard for me."
He could hear Louis' heavy breathing as he stroked himself to orgasm. "Oh,
Harry. I'm so close."
"Keep trying for me," said Harry. "Are you still touching your nipple?"
"Yes. Oh yes. Feels amazing. Feels like I could orgasm in my chest. Oh... oh.
I'm there. I'm so nearly there. Yes. Oh, Harry." Harry heard a swift intake of
breath. "Oh my god oh my god. I'm there. Oh, Harry. Harry. I'm cumming for you.
Oh." Louis stopped speaking actual words and muttered and cursed. Harry touched
himself lazily. He was spent, but still, the sound of Louis cumming was so
erotic a twitch of interest had manifested itself.
The phone came back to full sound. "Harry. I'm still stroking myself. That was
great."
"I really made you cum?" said Harry, scarcely believing it.
"Oh, yeah. I came so hard. Your voice. I love you."
"I love you too, baby," said Harry.
"Oh, god. I've cum all over my sheets. I wasn't prepared for that."
"You're a teenage boy. You're expected to cum on your sheets," Harry reassured
him.
"The woman who calls herself my stepmum does the washing, though. I could wash
my own sheets, but it wouldn't be till the weekend, and by then, she might have
washed them."
"Chill out, Louis, you don't think she honestly checks the sheets for cum
stains?"
"I suppose not," admitted Louis. "If she does, she's seen it before."
"Were you thinking about me those times?" asked Harry.
"Who else would I think about?" said Louis. "Of course I was thinking about
you. You're amazing."
"You're amazing, too. I wank off to thoughts of you all the time."
The chatted for a little while longer, about what they did when they wanked,
before Louis eventually said, "I'd better go now. Don't want my dad coming in
the room."
"I should go, too. It's past my bedtime."
"Harry. I love you, so much."
"I love you too, Louis." Harry listened until Louis hung up and then dressed
himself and took the phone out to the hall. Once back in bed he undressed
himelf completely, wanting to regain the feeling that he'd had when on the
phone to Louis. He cuddled up to Louis' pillow and fell asleep, breathing in
Louis' scent.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Finally, finally, it was the summer holidays. On Mondays Louis came into
Doncaster to have lunch with Mum and the boys. Tuesdays Harry picked up an
extra shift at work again. Louis would come in and see Harry towards the end of
his shift, sitting at one of the tables, his skateboard by his leg, eyes on
Harry as he served customers. He always had a proud half-smile on his face.
Then afterwards they'd have pies or pizza at the bakery, and go down to the
Doncaster skatepark. Wednesdays the gang went over to William's to eat lunch
and hang out at his pool. Thursdays they'd head to Sheffield, unless Louis was
visiting his sisters. On Friday, Harry worked in the afternoons, and Louis
picked up an extra shift at work. Saturdays and Sundays, Louis continued to
work, but the gang came in to see him on Sundays as usual.
It was so wonderful to see Louis so often, after being starved of his company
for so long. Harry made the most of every opportunity, aware that the holidays
would end soon, and it would be back to the status quo of seeing Louis only
every Sunday for half an hour.
One Tuesday, just Louis and Harry went over to William's in order to have sex.
For the first time, there was only William in the house. They didn't have to be
as discreet, worrying about anyone else hearing. Except William of course, but
he got off on them being noisy.
William escorted them to the guest room, a satisfied expression on his face as
they locked the door behind them. They knew he'd have his ear glued to the
door, listening to everything they did.
"Bloody William," muttered Louis.
"Forget him," said Harry, pressing himself up against Louis and leaning in for
a kiss. Harry was only a little shorter than Louis now, he didn't have to get
up on his tip-toes anymore. They made out until they both began to get hard.
"Let's get undressed," said Louis.
Harry needed no second invitation. He shucked his clothes and, as Louis took
his off, pulled back the covers on the bed. They came together, an erotic
feeling of skin against skin, mouth against mouth. Lying on top and kissing
him, Louis stroked his hand down Harry's side. Harry moved his own up and down
on Louis' back, down to his bum, kissing back.
"What do you want to do, baby?" whispered Louis, always mindful of William.
"I've brought some lube," said Harry. "And a condom."
Louis pulled his head back. "I don't know if I'm ready."
"Louis, this will be the best opportunity we have for the rest of the year to
fuck. If we don't do it now, when will we do it?"
Louis breathed heavily and twisted his hips into Harry's, creating a delightful
friction against Harry's dick. "We could get a motel room," he suggested.
I don't think they let rooms out to under eighteen year olds. And you don't
look eighteen, Louis." Louis, with his fringe hanging in his face--a contrast
to the way he used to gel it up--still looked young. "Besides, we're kind of
comfortable here, now, aren't we? Doing it in a motel room would seem strange."
"I'm comfortable except for the person perving on us outside the door."
"Ignore him," whispered Harry. "He doesn't matter. He can't see us."
"I can't believe he had you for so long."
"Only because you were in denial," Harry pointed out.
"Yeah. Fuck." Louis lay back and looked into Harry's eyes. "It was that Coach
Morrison, screwing all my perceptions up. I really thought I was a paedophile,
you know."
"But you don't think that any more."
"No. I've come to accept what's between us. It's a once in a lifetime thing,
I'm sure of it. I met my true love at age ten."
Harry recaptured his mouth in a kiss. They made out for a while longer, as
their dicks grew long and heavy.
"I'll be bottom," offered Harry, as they came up for air.
"What?" said Louis. "No, I'm older than you, I might be too big for you."
"We're nearly the same height."
"Maybe we should toss a coin?"
"I've got a coin in my trousers," said Harry, wriggling out from underneath
Louis to dig in his trousers on the end of the bed. He looked back. Louis was
still sprawled on his stomach, looking back over his shoulder, his bum poking
up pertly. Harry loved Louis' bum. He wanted to win this coin-toss.
"Heads or tails?" he said, planting himself at Louis side.
"Heads."
Harry flipped the coin, caught it, and slapped it down on the back of his hand.
"Wait, what happens if you win?"
"The winner gets to top."
Harry pulled his hand away from the coin. It showed tails. Louis looked
nervously into Harry's eyes. "You're top."
Harry drew his breath in sharply. He looked once again at Louis' bum, so
shapely, so round. He licked his lips before looking back to Louis. "Don't look
so nervous. I won't hurt you."
"It's just... it's a big step," said Louis.
Harry went back to his trousers and dug out the lube from his other pocket. "Do
you want me to use a condom?"
"No offence mate, but I would if I were you. It is anal sex, after all."
"Right," said Harry, bringing the small packet and the lube up the bed. Louis
had turned onto his side. He noticed Louis' dick had deflated a bit. "Don't be
worried," said Harry, putting his hand to Louis' dick and stroking it lovingly,
squeezing down at the end of each pump.
"Mmm," said Louis. "Kiss me?"
Harry obliged. He traced his hand down Louis' back, to his bum. There, he
caressed the plump cheeks. He moved closer and closer towards the wonderful
space between Louis' butt cheeks. It wasn't like he hadn't touched Louis there
before; he had. Just never with intent. He ran his fingers up the space,
teasing against Louis' entrance. Louis mumbled and pushed into his mouth
harder.
"You want it?" said Harry, breaking off the kiss.
"Just do it," said Louis, still sounding nervous.
Harry got the lube and squirted an amount onto his fingers. He propped himself
up on an elbow and ran his lubed fingers down Louis' butt-crack once again. He
circled Louis' entrance, pressing in ever so slightly with each massage.
"How does that feel?" he asked Louis.
"It feels nice," admitted Louis. "Come and kiss me again?"
Louis needed to take his mind off what was happening, and just feel, thought
Harry, and quickly he unpropped his elbow and lay back down to kiss Louis.
Their tongues moved against each other firmly, and Harry was incited to press
more firmly against Louis' entrance. His finger went a little way in. He pushed
in, still further, until his finger was in all the way to the join of his hand.
It was surprisingly easy; he'd expected resistance, but got none. He moved his
finger in and out, and rolled it around. Louis moaned into Harry's mouth.
"You like that?" said Harry.
"Mmm. Feels good. Keep doing that."
Harry kept rolling his finger inside Louis, and Louis kissed him back
ravenously. He brought a hand down to Harry's dick. "More," he said, caressing
Harry's dick like it was a sacred thing.
Harry obligingly brought a second finger into Louis. He revelled in the warmth
and tightness he felt there. He moved his fingers in and out carefully. Louis
was pushing back on him, showing he was enjoying it. It turned Harry on
immensely.
"Faster," he told Louis, who was still caressing his dick slowly.
Louis obligingly sped up, but said, "I don't want you cumming before you're in
me."
"I won't," promised Harry. He rolled his fingers inside Louis.
"Oh," said Louis. "Yeah."
"Have I hit your prostate yet?"
"I don't know," said Louis, uncertainly. "But it feels good, Harry. Feels
really good."
Harry knew from reading up about it that it would be somewhere forward of his
fingers. He curled his fingers around and elicited a deep moan from Louis. "Is
that the spot?" he asked.
"I think so. Yes. Touch me there again."
Harry did so. Louis moaned into his mouth. "Oh yeah, Harry."
"Can I add a third finger?"
"Yes, please."
Harry drew his two fingers out, put a third with them, and shoved them back in.
Louis accepted them easily. He thrust in and out, trying to find Louis' spot.
Every moan Louis released into his mouth showed him he was hitting it.
"Harry," panted Louis, "I'm ready."
"Are you sure?" said Harry, circling his fingers.
"No," Louis admitted.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"You haven't hurt me so far," Louis pointed out.
"Okay." Harry pulled his fingers out and wiped the excess lube off on the
tissues beside the bed. Then he picked up the condom packet and tore it open.
"I don't know how to put it on," he admitted.
"All those sex ed classes?" teased Louis.
"I wasn't paying attention, okay?"
"Here," and Louis knelt up in front of him, and rolled the condom onto Harry's
dick. Harry looked down at himself. It looked odd, having a condom on. But it
was worth it, to get the chance to fuck Louis. "How do you want me?" said Louis
diffidently.
"I want to see you," said Harry.
Louis obligingly lay down on his back. "Now, what do I do?"
Harry giggled. "You need to lift your legs up, so that I can get in." Harry
took hold of his ankles. "Here. Like this." He pressed Louis back onto himself.
"Can you hold it there?"
"Yeah." Louis held himself in that position without even needing to use his
hands. He was flexible.
Harry lined up his dick with Louis' entrance. He pressed forwards. There was
resistance. "Louis, relax."
"I'm trying," said Louis. "I feel so vulnerable."
"Baby, I promise I won't hurt you. Just let me in."
"Okay, I'll try," said Louis. Harry looked down at him. He was so beautiful,
knees up against his chest, dick jutting proudly against his stomach, ready for
Harry to take him. Harry pushed in again, and this time got through. He stopped
halfway, to let Louis get used to him, despite his senses telling him to push
right in, and rut away.
"That okay?" said Harry.
"Yeah," breathed Louis. He took a couple more breaths. "Okay. Push in more."
"It doesn't hurt?"
"No."
Harry slid in further, and, with another thrust, all the way. They were now
fully joined together. They panted at at each other for a bit, before Louis
said, "Fuck me."
As if Harry needed any more blood rushing to his dick. He felt himself swell
inside Louis, even as he scrambled to obey. "I don't know what I'm doing," he
told Louis.
"It's okay. I don't know what I'm doing, either."
Harry pulled out a little way, then pushed back in. He did it a couple more
times, gasping. This felt so good. Louis was so tight against his dick he felt
like he was ramming it into an impossible place. Louis didn't seem to think so,
though. He moaned, and gripped Harry's back. Harry began fucking into Louis,
uncertain, but just letting the feelings take hold of him.
"Yeah, Harry, you're doing great," said Louis. Harry leaned down to kiss him.
He just managed it, despite the stimulation. He couldn't do it for long,
though, his dick was so sensitised. It wanted Louis; every part of him wanted
Louis. Louis was bent double, his ankles up near Harry's ears. It was like his
whole life Harry had lived for this moment, to have his body fused together
with Louis'.
"Harry. Fuck me harder," said Louis.
Harry rushed to obey. He rutted his hips against Louis, feeling his dick move
up into a tightness so impossible he could barely believe it. He remembered,
abruptly, Louis' prostate, and tried to find it, pushing Louis' legs back more
and fucking down hard on him. Abruptly Louis yelped, and yelped again.
"Is that it?" said Harry.
"Oh, Harry. Oh yeah."
Harry fucked into Louis, all the time aiming for that spot. Louis began making
whimpering noises with every in-thrust. Harry was obviously getting it right.
He felt his dick begin to swell again inside Louis. Every thrust had him almost
going to pieces. Louis was that good. Fucking Louis was that hot.
Louis grabbed hold of his own dick, then. "That's so fucking good. Harry, what
you do to me."
Harry watched Louis pull on his own dick. Hot was not enough of a word. He'd
never seen Loius masturbate himself before. It was so erotic.
"Louis," he panted, "I'm going to cum."
"Then cum, baby."
 
Harry, his breathing erratic, his rythmn erratic, thrust desperately into
Louis. Louis pulling on his dick, Louis' tightness around him, his own thrusts
into Louis, pushed him over the edge. He came with a cry, which descended into
obscene shouts of 'Oh, oh!'s. Quickly, however, he was folorn. He pulled out.
"Louis, you haven't cum. I wanted to fuck you until you came."
"I'm so close, baby. Just touch me and I'll cum," said Louis.
That made Harry feel all the more guilty--why couldn't he have held it in for
another ten seconds?--but he obliged Louis by grabbing onto his dick and
stroking it for him.
"Put your fingers... back," whispered Louis. It was obscure, but Harry got the
hint. He abrubtly thrust three fingers back into Louis' entrance. Louis let out
a cry. It was one of pleasure, Harry could tell. Louis didn't know whether to
thrust forward into Harry's palm, or thrust backward into his fingers. Quickly,
Louis was wimpering and moaning, trying to satiate himself on Harry's hands.
"Oh," he said, "I'm cumming. Oh, Harry." He swore a bit more, as he pulsed over
Harry's fist.
"Keep cumming, baby, I've got you," said Harry, easing him through his orgasm.
"Harry, oh. I love you."
"I love you too. So much," said Harry. "You're perfect when you're cumming."
"Harry, you're perfect, too,"said Louis. "You're so fucking perfect. That look
on your face... I want to see it again, and again."
"So let me fuck you, again and again," said Harry.
"Your turn at some point, babe," said Louis. "Next time, even."
"Yeah, okay. You made me feel less scared."
"You shouldn't be scared. It doesn't hurt. You prepped me so well. I'll do the
same for you, I promise."
"I know you will," said Harry, removing the condom, tossing it in the bin.
"You'll be even greater with the preparation, just so you don't hurt me."
"Believe it, baby." Louis hugged him tightly. "Harry, I don't know what good I
did to deserve you, but I thank it every day."
They lay together, stroking each other, giving each other chaste kisses from
time to time.
"Did you bring another condom?" asked Louis.
"No. Only the one."
"Idiot. You could have your turn right now."
"You can fuck me without a condom," suggested Harry.
Louis looked like he was considering it. But then, "I'm not comfortable with
it," said Louis.
"I understand."
"I could finger you, though."
"What's the difference?"
"You won't have cum up your bum."
"I don't care."
"But what happens to it?" said Louis. "Wouldn't it leak out or something?"
"How? That's what your sphincter is for. Louis, please fuck me." He wrapped a
hand around Louis' dick, half-hard again, and massaged it.
"Mmm," said Louis. "But wasn't it kind of dirty?"
"There was hardly anything on my fingers when I wiped them, and nothing that I
could see on the condom," said Harry. "I don't think it's as dirty as you think
it is."
"I'm a little hung up," admitted Louis. "Don't get me wrong, I want you to
experience what I just experienced, because it was fucking amazing, but..."
"I'll ask William if he has a condom."
"Then he'll know what we're doing."
"He's going to know, anyway. He has to empty the bin." Harry got up, and pulled
his underwear over his semi-hard-on.
"Harry, " whispered Louis.
"It'll be okay," said Harry, and went to the door as Louis pulled the sheet
over himself. As he opened the door, William nearly fell into the room.
"William, do you have a condom?"
"You just fucked!" said William delightedly. "I knew it. Louis was making
different noises to normal. It was mega-hot. I came so hard. Who was bottom?"
"William, do you have a condom?" Harry repeated.
"Yeah, as a matter of fact. I was hoping one day you and I would fuck. Would
you like one?"
"Yes, please."
William raced to his room up the hall and came back soon afterwards with one of
the precious little packages. "You're taking turns, aren't you? Harry, please
tell me who got fucked first. I bet it was Louis. He was making all these
noises I've never heard from him. It's your turn now, isn't it?"
"William," called Louis, "get a grip!"
"Oh, I will. I will," said William, looking excited.
Harry, meeting his eyes, couldn't help but give him a sympathetic look, even as
he shook his head. "William, you need to get a new boyfriend."
"I still love you, Harry."
"What happened about that boy you met?"
"He's interested, but no one can replace you."
"Try him," suggested Harry. "It can't hurt."
"Harry, I'm losing my boner!" called Louis.
"Touch yourself," ordered Harry. Then, closing the door on a lustful William,
he made his way back to bed.
"I can't wait for the day I have a place of my own," said Louis.
"Are you touching yourself?" Harry asked.
Louis kicked the sheet down. He was masturbating himself. Harry's dick
twitched, filled out a little more. He clambered back into bed, taking his
underwear off in one motion.
"Want you to touch yourself," said Louis, as Harry lay beside him.
Harry took hold of his dick, wrapped his hand around it, and began to pull on
it.
"Yeah," said Louis, watching Harry's hand. "That's hot."
"Here's your condom, baby," said Harry, putting it on Louis' chest.
"We're going to do this?"
"Please. I want you to. I want you to fuck me."
Louis breathed audibly. He left off his own dick and began to kiss his way down
from Harry's neck. He went up briefly to Harry's mouth, then returned to
Harry's chest, teasing at his four nipples with his tongue. It went straight to
Harry's dick. He left off himself, and revelled in the stimulation on his
nipples alone. Just his nipples being sucked made his dick grow harder.
Louis kissed him down his belly-button, and took in the tip of his dick. Harry
groaned, ever so slightly. Louis sucked him briefly, tantalisingly, before
breaking off and picking up the little tube of lube. He looked Harry in the
eyes, mouth open, tongue licking at his upper lip, as he poured some out onto
his fingers. Harry couldn't help but groan again. He almost couldn't wait. He
lifted his knees, feet flat on the bed in anticipation.
Louis' mouth went down on his dick again. Ever so gingerly, he could feel
Louis' fingers run up and down his butt-crack, ultimately to circle over his
entrance. Just that moderate stimulation made more blood rush into Harry's
dick.
"Please, Louis," he said. He let the tension out of his body. He wanted this.
He felt Louis push a finger inside. It didn't feel like anything much, until
Louis started rolling his finger, opening him up, teasing Harry. Then it felt
suddenly good. All the nerve endings in his butt stood up to attention. Added
to that the stimulation to his dick from Louis' mouth, and Harry was quickly
gasping.
"Louis, more," he said. He felt Louis add a second finger. He panted. He was
going to cum too quickly like this. "Stop sucking me," he told Louis.
"What's the matter, baby?" asked Louis, concerned. He stilled his fingers.
"Keep moving your fingers," moaned Harry. "I'm just so turned on, that's all."
"Oh. In that case..." Louis moved up to more comfortably kneel between Harry's
legs. He continued moving his fingers round and round, in and out of Harry.
Harry felt only pleasure. He felt only want. "More," he said, pushing against
Louis' fingers.
"Another one?"
"Yes."
Louis thrust in a third finger, and Harry could feel them searching inside him.
A moment later, a burst of pleasure shot through him. He moaned.
"Did I get it?" said Louis.
"Do it again," said Harry. He moaned again as Louis brushed up against his
prostate. "Oh, yeah, Louis."
Now that Louis had found the spot, he made certain to keep hitting it. Harry
was very quickly almost in a frenzy. "Louis, I'm ready. Fuck me, please."
Louis withdrew his fingers, wiped them on some tissues, and ripped open the
condom packet. Harry watched him through half-lidded eyes as he rolled the
condom on, masturbating himself as he finished. It was surprisingly erotic, but
Louis touching himself was, Harry was discovering, a kink of his. Louis wanked
himself a little more, then, dick jutting proudly in his fist, began to line up
with Harry's entrance.
"Do you want to pull your legs back?" he asked diffidently, although there was
nothing diffident about the look of lust he gave Harry.
Harry immediately obeyed. He found that, like Louis, he was flexible enough to
bring his knees back to his shoulders without needing his hands to help.
"Oh, yeah, Harry," said Louis. He wriggled a little closer and put his dick to
Harry's entrance. Tentatively, he pushed against it.
"Push harder," said Harry.
Louis did so. Harry's muscles loosened and he accepted Louis into him. They
were quickly joined, groin to groin. Louis panted as he propped himself up with
his arms either side of Harry.
"Oh my god," he said. He pulled out a little way, then slammed back in. Then he
did it some more.
Harry was quickly reduced to jelly. He'd never felt anything like this before.
The feeling of Louis, filling him up, was almost too much to bear. He didn't
dare touch his own dick, for fear of cumming too soon. Louis hit his prostate
with a thrust, and Harry groaned loudly. "Yeah, there," he said. "Oh, Louis,
you feel so good."
"Baby, I'm going to fuck you until you can't stand," growled Louis, and
proceeded to fuck the life out of Harry. Harry was powerless underneath him. He
thrust his legs wider, trying to get Louis in deeper. Heat gathered all through
his groin, up his body, as Louis fucked into him. His mind blissed out,
focussed totally on the space where their bodies met. Louis stimulated him
inside; and then, suddenly, Louis was stimulating his dick, his fist gathered
around Harry, stroking him mercilessly. Harry shouted nonsense. His body rocked
underneath Louis' relentless pursuit of both their climaxes.
"Baby, baby, you're so fucking hot," said Louis, apparently still capable of
sensible sentences.
Harry was not. "Oh my god, Louis, I'm so... Louis, Louis, fuck me harder." Even
if he didn't think that was possible, he wanted it.
But Louis found another gear. He slammed against Harry's bum, grinding, his
dick moving inside Harry. Meanwhile, he continued to pull on Harry's dick.
It was too much. Harry felt his orgasm building. With nonsensical cries, he
began to cum, long and hard and urgent, one spurt hitting him on the face.
Louis was panting above him, finally letting go of Harry's dick, thrusting his
weight forward on his arms, his hips pistoning.
"Oh my god, Harry," he said. "Oh my god, oh my... fuck! Harry!" He began to
shudder through his orgasm, his relentless thrusting persisting. Harry felt
Louis' orgasm as aftershocks of his own. Louis fucked Harry throughout his
orgasm, only slowing down when he began to be overstimulated. "Harry," he
breathed, looking Harry in the eyes. His mouth was open, his chest panting, his
face flushed. He looked beautiful to Harry.
"Louis," he said. "Kiss me."
Louis bent forward eagerly to obey. He was still inside Harry. Harry revelled
in the stimulation. Their tongues danced together for a time as Louis proved
reluctant to withdraw from Harry. Eventually, however, he pulled back, and
withdrew. Harry felt the loss of him acutely. Louis got rid of the condom and
lay back beside Harry.
"I love you so much," he said, stroking Harry's arm.
"You've already said that," teased Harry.
"I could say it forever, it would never get any less true. Harry, you're my
world."
"You're mine," said Harry, hugging Louis fiercely, not caring that he got cum
on Louis because Louis wouldn't care, anyway. Louis, indeed, licked at his
chin, to get the cum that Harry had deposited there.
"You're so sweet," said Louis. "What would I have done, if I'd never been put
into Ms Curtis' foster home? If I'd never met you? I'd have gone off the rails,
for sure. You'd have been okay, but not me."
"Louis, you saved me so much in our early years. If you think you didn't, you
don't understand how frightened I was," said Harry.
"What have I done for you lately?"
"You've been there for me every night. You listen to me vent, no matter how
petty it is. You love me, no matter how unworthy I feel. Louis, you're
everything to me."
"You're everything to me, too," said Louis, hugging him back. "If it wasn't for
you, I wouldn't still be alive. I'd have killed myelf before now."
They both lay, grasping each other tightly, enfolded on the bed in William's
parents' guest room, not caring what anyone thought.
***
School started up again. Once again, Harry was back to seeing Louis only once a
week, for half an hour, at McDonald's. They had a liaison at William's once a
month, and in between it was phone sex and lots of wanking. Harry felt
miserable much of the time, his mood only enlivened by the boys, and his band
practice sessions. Jamie had proven to be a natural at the bass, and they
quickly had a repertoire of songs. All that remained was to secure a gig. The
last day of school for the year induced festivities, and Harry and his band
were invited to play, along with a couple of other bands, in the gymnasium.
Their repertoire had expanded to include Oasis, Kings of Leon, Green Day, and
The Killers. They went down a hit with the audience. Harry was popular, of
course, and many had come along just to see him sing. But there were plenty of
students from the other grades there, as well. For a first gig, it was a
success. Harry even signed a couple of autographs afterwards.
Harry told Louis about it that night.
"Autographs?" said Louis. "You're on your way."
"It's only our first gig," said Harry, blushing. "At school, no less."
"You should be proud of yourself. You kept an audience engaged. That's what a
band's supposed to do."
"Yeah, they seemed to be having a good time," admitted Harry.
"I wish I'd been there," said Louis. "I'd have cheered louder than anyone."
"Wish you could have been there, too." Unspoken was the fact that Louis would
have been there were it not for his father.
"I've been thinking about joining a band," said Louis. "Not here, though; once
I get back to Doncaster."
"You're definitely coming?" said Harry. Louis was soon to turn eighteen, but he
didn't dare believe he'd really see him back at Mum's.
"Of course I'm coming. You'll be seeing me in a few days. I'll turn up at the
front door with my suitcase and my skateboard. I've already applied to
McDonald's for a transfer."
"If you got Mum to pick you up, you could bring back a lot more things," said
Harry.
"It's all I need. Besides, I'm going to be rocking up on your doorstep on
Christmas Eve," Louis pointed out.
"All the more reason for Mum to come and pick you up. Is your dad working on
Christmas Eve?"
"Yeah, but I don't think his wife is," said Louis.
"No, Mum'll come and pick you up, and you can bring back here anything you
want."
"I don't know that the man who calls himself my dad will be happy at the TV and
the Xbox going. Never mind the computer."
"Which is the most important, out of all the three?" asked Harry.
"My computer, definitely."
"Then bring the computer, and forget about the rest."
"Niall won't be happy," said Louis. "He's always wanted a video game platform."
"Niall will be happier to have his big brother back," said Harry. "All the boys
miss you so much."
"I miss them, too. Phone calls are not enough."
"No," whispered Harry.
"You okay, monkey?"
"Just scared. That it won't happen. That you'll end up staying. I'm so excited
about you coming I almost can't stand it."
"I'm coming," affirmed Louis. "I promise. Unless Ms Curtis has changed her
mind?"
"I don't think so," said Harry.
"Let me talk to her."
Harry took the phone out to Mum and told her Louis wanted to speak to her. He
then hovered as she did so. It all seemed to be positive, from what he was
hearing of Mum's side of the conversation. He felt like jumping up and down.
Finally, Mum handed the phone back to him.
"What did she say?" he said excitedly, walking back down the passage to his
room.
"Weren't you listening?" said Louis.
"No, I was, I just need to hear it from you."
"She said it was all still okay, I'd be welcome back."
"Yes!" said Harry, punching the air.
"But, Harry."
"Yes?"
"I want my bed back," said Louis.
"It's yours. It's always been yours," said Harry. "I've just been keeping it
warm for you."
"You're so cute."
Harry preened under the praise. He and Louis talked for a bit more, then it was
Harry's bedtime. They said their goodbyes and Harry took the phone back to the
hall. He curled back up in bed, around Louis' pillow, clutching it to him as he
thought; only a few more days. Only a few more days.
***
At one-thirty in the afternoon on Christmas eve, Mum drove Harry to Louis'
father's house. They were timing their arrival to coincide with Louis'
stepmum's watching of her favourite soap opera. Louis wanted to sneak out
without anyone knowing. When Mum objected, he told her he was leaving a note,
and she acquiesed at that. She still insisted Louis call his father when he got
home that evening, however.
As they pulled up, Louis was hovering on the front porch, despite the inclement
weather. He came immediately down to the car. "You guys, stay here. I'll bring
everything out."
"Don't you want some help?" asked Mum.
"I don't want my dad's wife to know what I'm doing. With three pairs of
footsteps, she'll get curious."
"Okay, then, love. You bring your things out. I'll open the back of the van."
"Harry, my skateboard and helmet are on the porch. You can fetch those."
Harry jumped out, eager to help. By the time Louis came out of the house
carrying a suitcase and a packed garbage bag, he'd stowed the precious items.
"What's in that bag?" he asked, pointing to the garbage bag.
"Presents," said Louis. "For Christmas. Don't peek. I'll just go get my
computer."
Harry went up to the porch, to assist. When Louis emerged from the house
carrying a desktop system he took it off him and went to put it in the car
whilst Louis grabbed the monitor and various cables. He was back on the porch
in time to hear an exchange between Louis and his stepmother.
"I'm going out," Louis called. "I won't be back."
"I'll see you at dinner, then," called his stepmother, oblivious to what his
words really meant.
Louis grinned at Harry. Harry grinned back. Then they both went down to the
car, where Mum was waiting.
***
When Mum's key turned in the lock and she opened the door, they could all hear
the rush of feet. The boys barrelled into the hallway.
"Louis!" they said, almost in unison.
Mum had allowed Louis to enter first, carrying his suitcase, expecting this to
happen. Louis dropped the suitcase under the onslaught. There were cries of
joy, hugs, slaps on the back. Louis could be in no doubt of his reception.
"Come on, boys, let the rest of us in," Mum eventually called. With apologies,
the three excited boys stepped back, allowing Louis to pick up his suitcase
again, and Mum and Harry to enter with their own loads. Harry carried Louis'
skateboard and helmet, Mum his bag of presents. The boys began to follow them
down the passage, but Mum told them to wait in the main room. They obeyed,
reluctantly.
Once Harry had deposited the skateboard and helmet outside, he went back into
his and Louis' room and began to unpack Louis' suitcase. Mum and Louis soon
turned up with the remainder of items.
"We'll have a computer, Haz," said Louis, propping the monitor down on the
desk. Mum placed the desktop onto the floor.
"Yay, no more invading Zayn's room."
"Not that I ever minded," said Zayn, who'd obviously followed them down.
"I know you didn't. But this'll feel more private," said Harry.
"With Louis there?" Zayn said, but he grinned, to show he understood the level
of intimacy between the two. "Come on, you can unpack later, Louis. Me and the
boys have something for you."
"I'm curious," said Louis, and the four of them made their way up to the main
room. "Do you know what this is?" he said to Harry, and Harry blushed.
"I might have contributed," he said. "So did Mum."
Louis squeezed his shoulder, before leaving off as they stepped into the room.
Liam and Niall stood there, a package between their hands.
"It's nothing much," said Liam. "Nothing you haven't seen before, anyway. But,
happy birthday."
"Happy birthday from all of us," said Mum.
Louis took the package, and carefully peeled off the tape. They all waited in
anticipation. Would he like it?
Louis unearthed three DVD-shaped containers.
"It's the PC versions of two of your favourite Xbox games, plus a new game,"
said Liam helpfully.
"Thanks, guys. Thanks, everyone," said Louis, making sure he looked at every
one of them, gratitude evident on his face.
"Liam wanted to buy you a clock," said Niall. "We managed to convince him this
would be more welcome."
Louis threw back his head and laughed. "Liam, I love you!" he said, through
laughter.
Louis' laughter was infectious, and they all found themselves laughing, even
Liam. Still laughing, Louis hugged each of them in turn, including Mum, and
ended up on Harry. He squeezed Harry tightly, because he must have known it was
Harry who transmitted the information on Louis' favourite games, and Harry
squeezed him back. Quickly, however, no doubt for the sake of decorum, he let
Harry go.
"Guys, this is truly great," said Louis. "And you're welcome to play whenever
I'm out skateboarding."
"That was part of the deal," said Niall, and everyone laughed again. They all
knew Mum's old computer in Zayn's room wouldn't run these contemporary games.
"Well, I'm going to finish unpacking," said Louis, and all the boys nodded. Mum
announced she was going to bake a cake, to which everyone licked their lips.
Harry followed Louis down the passage. Louis put his new games down on the desk
beside the computer monitor. Harry got stuck into Louis' clothes.
"Have you enrolled back in school again?" he asked, noting that he hadn't come
across Louis' school uniform.
"Yep, I did that. I have to turn up on the first day back and complete my
enrolment officially, since I wasn't eighteen when I phoned."
"Stupid rules," said Harry, lovingly shelving Louis' underwear. Louis came up
to help him, and they finished the job off quickly, hanging his trousers from
the bottom of the suitcase up on hangers. Louis zipped the suitcase closed and
pushed it under his bed. His bed. No longer Harry's. Harry was over the moon
about that, however. He couldn't believe he finally had Louis back. Any
sacrifice would be worth it. He had, however, transferred Louis' pillow over to
his own bed, and left the swapped pillow on Louis'. It would still smell like
him. He'd used it for long enough.
Louis stood up from stowing his suitcase. "Harry..." he said, uncertainly.
Harry rushed up to him and took him in a hug. "We'll work it out," he said,
anticipating Louis' question.
"Okay." And Louis hugged him as if he never wanted to let him go.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you to all those who commented, especially my regulars. It
     helped keep me motivated to post the parts on time. Hope you enjoyed!
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