Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6672895.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Regulus_Black/Sirius_Black, Sirius_Black/Lily_Evans_Potter, James_Potter/
      Lily_Evans_Potter, Sirius_Black/Original_Female_Character(s), Regulus
      Black/Sirius_Black/Original_Female_Character(s)
  Character:
      Regulus_Black, Sirius_Black, Lily_Evans_Potter, James_Potter, Original
      Female_Character(s)
  Additional Tags:
      Statutory_Rape, Brother/Brother_Incest, mild_AU, Pretentious_homage_to
      Lord_Byron, Stockholm_Syndrome
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-04-27 Words: 9789
****** All Hearts ******
by tenrousei_kuroi
Summary
     Sirius Black closed his eyes during a sunless summer, and was blind
     when he opened them again.
     This was a request for "deathofshadows" over on FF.net
Notes
     Full title: "and all hearts Were chill'd into a selfish prayer for
     light:" -Lord Byron
See the end of the work for more notes
Sirius Black was married off at age seventeen. His parents, wary of worsening
the inbreeding pureblood wizards were known for, had sold him off to a very
distant, Spanish relative whose first name was Constança and whose last name
was too long for Sirius to care to remember. Constança was plenty beautiful and
Sirius always thought he wouldn't mind fucking her, but she wanted nothing to
do with him. Sirius knew she was seeing someone, likely the man she had been
dating prior to their arranged marriage, and he let her be. Whether Constança
was grateful for his apathy he didn't know; she spoke little English.
Sirius's best friend from Hogwarts, James Potter, was in a much more enviable
position. He was (like Sirius) of pure blood and from a noble family, but he
shouldered none of the weight that Sirius did. James had married whom he'd
wanted to marry and sometimes Sirius Black hated him for it.
===============================================================================
Sirius tried to drown his brother once. He'd been twelve and Regulus nine. "Not
on purpose, Reggie, of course not." He'd insisted it was an accident. "I was
just playing with you. You're okay. Don't tell Father, now, you hear me? Reg,
don't tell Daddy."
But Regulus knew full well Sirius had been punishing him. His transgression had
been hours ago (refusing to give Sirius his Comet after Sirius had broken his
own shortly after lunch) but Sirius was nothing if not obsessive.
It had happened fast. One instant Sirius's hands were tangled in Regulus's
hair, kneading conditioner gently along the raven-black strands and the next
they were pushing down hard on his head. Regulus slid easily to the bottom of
the tub and was so surprised he gasped. The water settled quickly in his lungs
and soap burned in his eyes. He fought his way back up to the surface.
"Sirius, what are you doing?" he coughed. He felt Sirius's hands on his neck,
pushing him back. "Sirius, don't!" Regulus screamed. "Please!"
"Well perhaps you should have given me your Comet when I asked for it," Sirius
said shortly. He now had Regulus pinned to the wall at the back of the tub by
his throat. "Like a good little brother would do. You did promise Dad you'd be
good for me tonight…" Sirius dragged Regulus back down under the water.
Lightheaded, Regulus was unable to throw his brother's hands off this time. He
lost all sense of direction and thrashed until he felt the bridge of his nose
connect sharply with porcelain. There was now a hand in his hair and another
between his shoulder blades. Regulus's whole body felt sluggish. He stopped
moving.
Then the floor of the tub was gone and the water was rushing away from him.
Regulus could feel water cascading from his eyes, nose, and mouth.
"Oh, fuck." Regulus heard his older brother swear. "Cough it up, Reggie. I'm
sorry, honey, please breathe for me…I didn't mean…you weren't supposed to
actually…what were you doing inhaling the water, idiot?"
With a great convulsion, Regulus felt his body double up on itself. He vomited
up a good deal of water and bile before coughing violently. He could feel the
water in his lungs stirring with each cough, never quite freeing itself. It was
a painfully frustrating sensation.
"Shh, shh, you'll wake Dad, Reggie quiet," Sirius insisted. "You have to be
quiet."
It took a while for Regulus to settle, and a while longer for his vision to
return. When he could sit up, he found himself splayed out over Sirius's lap.
Sirius's dressing gown was soaked and his hair mussed. His face was flushed and
there was red around his eyes.
"Sirius," Regulus croaked. He was suddenly very cold. He began to shiver all
over. "Why did you do that?"
"I was just messing around with you, Reggie," Sirius said. He kissed Regulus's
temple. "It was just a joke. I'm sorry; I won't do it again."
Regulus eyed him warily.
Sirius cupped Regulus's face in his hands and said seriously, "You mustn't ever
tell Daddy, Reg, okay? If he ever finds out then it'll worry him, and the next
time Mummy's away, he won't let me take care of you."
Regulus coughed.
"He'll have one of the servants bathe you and dress you…and tuck you in at
night," Sirius continued somewhat desperately. "He'll probably choose Mr.
Ayers. And you don't like Mr. Ayers, do you Reggie? You don't like it when he
sees you without your clothes on."
Regulus nodded numbly. "He scares me," he wheezed. "Siri…you're scaring me."
"Just promise me you'll keep this a secret," Sirius whispered, tightening his
grip on Regulus. Regulus promised.
They left the bathroom swamped with water for one of the elves to clean up.
Sirius placed his wand to Regulus's sternum and vanished as much of the water
as he could. Sirius slid Regulus into his bedclothes and ran a comb through his
soft hair. All the while he sang to him softly ("Sailed down a river of crystal
light…") and sometimes paused to tell Regulus he was so very, very sorry.
But Regulus had learned an important lesson that night. "You can have my broom,
Siri," he gurgled. Some more water seeped out from between his teeth and he
coughed.
Sirius put a hand over his mouth muttering, "Shush, shush, I won't take your
broom, I promise."
Sirius tucked Regulus into bed, cooing softly, "you swallowed a little
bathwater, that's all. That crackling sound is just your lungs kicking it back
out. You're fine. It'll go away soon; you'll be fine. Remember, you can't tell
anyone."
Sirius left him. Regulus stayed awake all night. He stared dazedly at the
glowing stars on his ceiling and breathed sluggishly, feeling for all the world
like he was still face down in the bathtub. It was three hours past breakfast
the next morning when he returned to his room and realized his broomstick was
gone.
===============================================================================
At school, James Potter was hopelessly infatuated with Lily Evans. He scribbled
her initials all over his notebooks, made excuses to lounge next to her in the
common room, and faked a love of muggle football to try and draw her into
conversations.
For several years, it seemed that Lily wanted nothing to do with him. "Get
lost, James," and "How many times do I need to say no?" were staples of her
vocabulary. So Sirius was understandably confused when, as he was walking to
the library one evening to meet up with his current girlfriend, Lily Evans
accosted him. She pinned him to a teetering wall of books and tugged his wrists
behind his back.
"'Lo, Sirius," she crowed, throwing all of her weight against his back.
"Lily?" Sirius asked.
"That's right," Lily giggled. "Now what were you doing out so late after
curfew, Sirius?"
Sirius swiveled out of Lily's grip. "I was meeting up with someone on the
second floor of the library, actually," he admitted, ruefully rubbing at his
sore arms. "I'vegot a date."
Lily laughed. "You implying that I don't get around?" she asked.
"Well you've certainly turned James down enough times."
Lily sniggered. She leaned casually against the shelf and folded her arms. The
flickering flames of the lamp beside her cast a disturbing shadow across half
her face. "Oh, I'll get around to James eventually."
"So you do want to fuck him?" Sirius said conversationally. "I'm sure all the
other girls at Hogwarts will appreciate you reinforcing the idea that no
secretly means yes."
Lily laughed so loudly it made Sirius flinch. "Yes don't go getting any ideas,
Sirius. I'm hardly representative of all the girls here, am I?"
Sirius stared into Lily's steely eyes as she lifted her gaze to meet his. He
noticed her robes were loose and unfastened, and that she was sweating ever so
slightly from the heat of the torch on the shelf by her face.
"No…" he muttered, sliding his eyes down her neck. "You're really not, are
you?"
Lily shook her head. Then suddenly asked, "Sirius…have you ever stood anyone up
before?"
Sirius racked his brains. "No," he answered. "I suppose I haven't ever recanted
on sex before. Is there etiquette involved?"
"Yes," Lily cooed. She leaned forward against Sirius's chest and took ahold of
his robes near the waist, tugging down. The pressure almost buckled Sirius's
knees. "But don't worry, I'll run you through it."
===============================================================================
Fifteen years old, robes shirked down over one shoulder, hair tousled, and lips
stained red from his parents' sweet wine, Sirius sat in front of the sea, his
bare feet buried ankle deep in the sand, and let the tide creep nearer and
nearer with each passing wave. The water clawed for him, as though it were
sentient and its motions deliberate. Sirius cast his eyes out over the grey
horizon.
Beside him sat his little brother, Regulus, legs crossed and the hood of his
jacket up, trying desperately to keep his hair flat and presentable. Regulus's
lapels whipped against his neck. He leaned down intently, concentrating on his
book. Regulus was twelve—would be thirteen in a few days—and Sirius thought he
was useful for little more than sliding down the skinny ventilation shafts of
their parents' beach house in order to snitch wine from the locked cellars.
"Let's go swimming," Sirius asked suddenly.
Regulus turned to him. "It's too cold," he argued. "And besides, Mother and
Father will be home soon."
But Sirius wasn't listening. Already he was on his feet, letting the wind strip
his robes from his outstretched arm. He snapped the buttons from his shirt and
held it by the sleeves. Regulus stared up dolefully while Sirius's shirt
struggled to whip free.
"And there goes another priceless family heirloom," Regulus muttered when
Sirius finally let go and his shirt tumbled down the coastline. "Seven
generations those gold cufflinks were in the family."
Then Sirius's hands were on him, tugging him to his feet. Regulus continued to
prattle on and Sirius continued to ignore him, stripping him roughly and
dragging him to the water's edge. Regulus didn't bother to protest. Sirius
would take what he wanted. Perhaps he would apologize later, sink to his knees
in repentance and apologize ever so well.
Or perhaps today would be the day when Sirius held Regulus under just long
enough for him to stop moving.
===============================================================================
Sirius invited Lily Evans to accompany him the next time Orion and Walburga
Black took their sons to the seashore. Regulus spent most of the week indoors,
sulking. When he turned his head to observe the beach through the window, he
could see Sirius and Lily tangled up in the sand as the wind pulled wave after
wave over and around their long, gangling limbs. On their second night there,
Regulus slammed his hand in the doorjamb, breaking his wrist and giving himself
an excuse to cry.
===============================================================================
Constança had always gotten on well with Regulus. Sirius recalled his
engagement party, when a stranger might have confused Regulus for the groom
given how much affection Constança threw to him. She danced more songs with
Regulus than with Sirius. She insisted Regulus and Sirius switch seats at the
reception dinner. Sirius was downing his fifth glass of wine while he watched
Constança drag Regulus out to the center of the ballroom for what had to be
their twelfth dance together.
"Está linda, Hermana," Regulus said politely while Constança twirled him about
the dancefloor. "Me alegro de que está casada con Sirius. Espero ser un buen
hermano para usted."
Sirius could feel bile rise in his throat. He told himself it was from his
drink, a disgusting red wine—Spanish of course, Constança had insisted.
Constança giggled and kissed Regulus's cheek. "Eres demasiado agradable. ¿Puedo
tenerte en cambio? O quizás puedo convencer a tu hermano para compartirte…"
Sirius ground his teeth and pushed his wineglass over. It toppled to the floor
with and cracked softly. There was a sharp jealously burgeoning in his chest
which even the most bitter alcohol couldn't douse. A jealousy that seeped
through his whole body. A jealousy Sirius told himself was aimed at his wife.
===============================================================================
"Head Girl," Sirius said with a smirk. He sauntered into what seemed to be an
empty classroom, but he knew Lily was lurking somewhere in the shadows. "I
wouldn't have believed it. You Head Girl and James Head Boy."
Then Lily's arm came out of nowhere and looped around Sirius's neck. "Now you…"
she said, giggling harshly. Sirius could feel her hot, wet breath on the nape
of his neck, her long hair shrouding his left shoulder and arm. "…You, Sirius
Black, should have been named the Head Boy."
Lily pushed herself from Sirius and almost skipped to the teacher's desk at the
front of the room. Sirius's skin was immediately chilled in her absence.
"Ah, what's the matter?" Sirius crowed. "James not quite worthy of the title?"
Lily hiked one long leg up over the teacher's chair and motioned for Sirius to
come closer. "Never in your league, I'm afraid," she admitted.
Sirius fists Lily's shirt so tightly a button snaps loose and she manages to
inform him—between gasps—that he's paying for it.
"Money that tight for you mudbloods, eh?" Sirius asks breathlessly. Without
really meaning it, he apologizes. "Sorry, what a rude word of me to use. James
would be so upset with me. I'll bite my tongue, shall I?"
Lily took a violent hold on his hair. "You'll do no such thing!" she hissed. "I
want your tongue in one piece. I have use for it."
===============================================================================
A few days before Halloween, Regulus was looking for his brother. James Potter
had told him (in an unusually taciturn voice) that Sirius was in an unused
classroom on the third floor.
"He's on my map," James had said when Regulus asked how he knew Sirius's
location. "Why don't you go and see for yourself what he's up to."
Regulus followed James's directions and found himself facing a closed door.
There was such a fierce pounding in his ears that if there were sounds coming
from the room, Regulus certainly couldn't hear them. Should he knock? Regulus
rapped his knuckles on the door lightly. When there was no response, he
nervously pushed it open, and then gasped.
It wasn't as though he hadn't known. It wasn't news, really. Of course Sirius
was seeing Lily. He'd never bothered to hide it from Regulus. Had seemed to
relish the discomfort and sadness Regulus felt every time he was discarded in
favor of her, actually. But seeing it playing out right before him in explicit
detail was a little more than he had bargained for.
Lily was strewn out across the teacher's desk, one leg canted up along the
edge. Behind her, Sirius was thrusting sporadically. He looked up at Regulus
who stood, petrified, in the doorway. The sight of his little brother seemed to
send Sirius over the edge. He laughed through gritted teeth while his orgasm
rippled through him.
Lily, whose head had been hanging low over the far edge of the desk, looked up
at Regulus with a flourish of dark red hair.
She laughed.
Sirius slid from her and righted his clothes. Lily followed suit. Still Regulus
could only stand in the door frame, looking distraught and panting.
"So what're you doing here, Reggie?" asked Sirius in a patronizing tone. "I see
you made it back from the weekend at Mum and Dad's relatively unscathed…or did
you?" he raised an eyebrow.
Regulus was shaking a little. "Yeah, no…the weekend was fine. I just wanted to,
er, to say hi. I'm going to go…to bed now. M'tired…uh, bye…Lily…"
Sirius snorted. "No, no, Reggie, come back here," he insisted. "You came here
to talk to me about something, no? I'd like to know what!"
Regulus glared at him, thinking, you know perfectly well what. And you also
know that I can't talk now that someone else is here.
Sirius noticed his brother glancing at Lily, who was smugly examining the laces
on her boots as she twined them back into their brackets.
"Were Mum and Dad even home this weekend, Reg?" he prompted.
"No, of course they fucking weren't!" Regulus screamed. "They were at the
Rosiers', Sirius you know that!"
Lily chuckled and licked her lips. "Did poor little Reggie go all the way home
just to get left home all alone? How sad…"
"Oh he wasn't alone!" Sirius said quickly. "No, Mummy and Daddy would never
leave little Reggie home all alone! He had servants there to…take care of
him…just like usual, right Reg?"
Regulus was blushing furiously. "I—I—yeah I wasn't alone. I just…"
Lily seemed to love watching Regulus squirm. "Oh," she said, positively
beaming. "The noble Blacks have servants! How posh."
Sirius nodded. "Four to be exact," he said. "If you don't count the house
elves. Mr. Ayers in particular has a certain…fondness for my little brother.
Doesn't he, Reg?"
"No!" Regulus was panicking. His eyes darted frantically from Lily's face,
which was beet red from laughing, to Sirius's smug smile.
"Are you serious, Sirius?" Lily could barely speak; she was doubled over in
hysterics.
Sirius nodded. "That's what you were coming to see me about, isn't it, Reg?" he
said. "Mr. Ayers got ahold of you again and you were going to come sobbing to
your big brother, just like you always do. Beg me to hold you and tell you it
was all going to be okay. Maybe you thought I'd be extra nice and kiss you just
right, make all the pain go away from there…" Sirius voice had reached a cruel
whisper.
Regulus looked desperately to Lily, but instead of horror, on her face he saw
only amusement.
"Please…" Regulus pleaded. "Please stop…Lily, please don't…"
But Lily was laughing too hard to hear him. Regulus turned on his heel and ran
from them both. He spent the night in the library and could barely drag himself
to breakfast the next morning. As predicted, by first bell the whole of
Slytherin house (and presumably the entire school) was well aware that Regulus
Black was damaged goods. Regulus found himself without a partner in potions
lab, and when he tried to go to bed that night, the door to his dorm was firmly
locked.
"Everyone's disgusted by me, Sirius," he cried.
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "And so am I," he said shortly. "C'mon Prongs, Moony,
let's go."
He turned from Regulus and went through the portrait and into the Gryffindor
common room. Remus followed him unquestioningly, but James lagged behind.
"I'm sorry, Regulus," he said honestly. Regulus backed away from him, wary to
be in the company of any Gryffindor without his brother's protection.
James put a gentle hand on Regulus's shoulder. "Sirius can be a real prick
sometimes, I know."
"Lily, too," Regulus choked defiantly. He expected James to pull away from him,
punch him even, for daring to speak ill of his precious crush.
But James only nodded sadly. "Yeah, her too," he admitted.
Regulus felt James slip something into his hand.
"The keys to the prefects' bathroom on the first floor, if you…you know, if you
need somewhere to shower and whatnot until your roommates come to their senses
and let you back in," James explained.
"Thank you," said Regulus earnestly. On impulse, he hugged James hard. The
Gryffindor patted his back comfortingly.
"You'll be all right," James said consolingly.
From over James's shoulder, Regulus noticed the portrait hole had not yet
closed behind Sirius and Remus. He was gripped with the sudden fear that Sirius
might have heard or even seen his exchange with James.
"Don't worry," James said as if he could read Regulus's thoughts. "Sirius's
sensibilities aren't worth worrying over."
"Come on, James!" Sirius's voice sounded from the common room. He seemed irate.
"Get off that prat and get in here!"
James gave Regulus one more pat on the shoulder before leaving him.
===============================================================================
Sirius Black turned sixteen and his parents bought him a motorcycle.
"They're trying to sweeten me up," Sirius explained while running a hand over
the ignition. His brother was standing a few feet behind him and staring
curiously at Sirius's present, which was perched on its kickstand under the
awning of the back patio. His whole body was still tingling from Sirius's most
recent ministrations. Sirius always paid a lot more attention to Regulus when
he was trapped at home with him. "They'll be trying to marry me off soon. This
is a bribe. Payment for being a good little heir."
"Do you love Lily Evans?" Regulus asked suddenly. Every muscle in Sirius's body
stiffened and he turned around.
"What did you ask?" he demanded sharply.
Regulus unconsciously took a step back. "You fuck her a lot," he said bitterly.
Sirius cocked his head to the side. "Merlin, shut up, Regulus, you sodding
freak. How would you even know what I get up to?"
"I've seenyou Sirius, remember? And besides, you tell me," Regulus said
angrily. "All the time…seems like every goddam day you've got to tell me all
about sleeping with Lily Evans."
"Been jerking off to my sex life, Regulus?" asked Sirius snidely.
"No," said Regulus quietly. "I just…do you love her?"
"What do you care?"
"You buy her really nice things sometimes…" Regulus mumbled, staring at the
ground.
"Oh," said Sirius. "And I don't buy you presents, is that is? Is Reggie jealous
of Lily Evans?"
Sirius's mocking tone reverberated in Regulus's head, making him quake.
Sirius turned from Regulus and pulled out his wand. "Anyway," he said. "I'm
thinking with enough fiddling, I could get this thing to fly. Pretty brilliant
idea don't you think?"
Regulus folded his arms across his belly, as if he were suddenly chilled.
Sirius glanced to him expectantly.
"I said, what do you think, Reg?"
Regulus met his eyes cautiously.
"For fuck's sake, Regulus, answer me. I asked you what you thought…"
"I guess I thought you might've loved me," Regulus said in a faraway voice.
With a shrug, he turned and went back inside the house. Miffed, Sirius tried to
follow him, but found Regulus's bedroom door locked for the first time since he
could remember.
"Fuck him, then," Sirius muttered. He rolled his eyes and walked away, but he
paused to glance back over his shoulder every three steps the whole way down
the hall.
===============================================================================
Orion Black died shortly after Sirius started his final year at Hogwarts.
On the Christmas Eve of that final year, Regulus had prepared a surprise for
his brother. It was a three-part surprise, really. First, Regulus gave Sirius a
set of nifty tools for working on his new motorcycle. Walburga Black was there
for that part, and she praised Regulus, as expected, for his thoughtfulness.
Even Sirius seemed impressed. Then, when their mother had retired for tea,
Regulus let Sirius fuck him right there on the floor below the Christmas tree,
amongst all the discarded tinsel and wrapping papers. Sirius seemed pleasantly
surprised. Regulus had been fending him off all holiday break with the threat
that he would scream for their mother, who had not left the house since her
sons had come home.
Then, while Sirius was spent and spineless, basking in his own comfort with a
heavy arm splayed over Regulus's chest, Regulus gave him his third gift: a
promise.
"I'm done competing with her, Sirius," Regulus said. Sirius raises a sleepy
eyebrow in question.
"You can be with Lily all you want," Regulus continued. "I don't care. I'll be
your side-thing if that's what you want. Just so long as I get to be with you
sometimes."
"Mmm," Sirius sighed. "You're that in love with me, eh?"
"Yes," Regulus admitted. "I'll be whatever you want, Sirius. Merry Christmas."
Sirius smiled. "Merry Christmas, Reg," he said. He ran a lazy hand down
Regulus's cheek. "My little angel…"
Regulus gave his brother a shaky smile and curled closer into his side. He
needed Sirius to love him, to keep him close at least. The loss of his father,
and the deteriorating sanity of his mother had left him awfully vulnerable. He
was terrified to be alone. Sirius was fast becoming all he had left. There was
also the hope, however faint, that Lily would eventually call things off with
Sirius; she was officially dating James at that point. Sirius was set to be
marrying some Spanish relative in a few months, but Regulus wasn't worried
about her. From what he'd heard, Sirius disliked her.
The two brothers cuddled for another brief moment before the doorbell rang
loudly.
"Go get that, Sirius," their mother called from the drawing room.
Sirius huffed and got up. Regulus followed behind him like an obedient puppy.
It was Lily Evans who'd arrived on their doorstep holding a bottle of expensive
champagne with a Christmas bow tied around its neck, which she immediately held
out to Sirius.
"Told James I was visiting my parents for the holidays," she said by way of
explanation.
Sirius smirked and stepped outside to join her. "Booked us a room?" he asked.
"At the Leaky Cauldron," she said. "Done and done."
Sirius kissed her on the neck. "Let's go!" he said.
Regulus fidgeted. "I—I'll see you later, then, Sirius?" he asked hopefully.
Sirius turned on the spot to face him.
"Actually," he said slowly. "I don't think I'll be coming home."
"You mean, like, tonight?"
"Regulus," Sirius said sternly. "Get lost."
"Okay," Regulus backed up a little. "I'll just see you when I see you?"
"Regulus," Sirius said harshly. "I don't want to see you anymore."
Regulus's breath hitched. "But you said…you called me your…"
"Lily and I are going now. If you must come to my wedding this February then
I'll see you there, but other than that, I don't ever want you to talk to me
again. Goodbye, Regulus."
With another kiss to Lily's neck, Sirius disapparated away, taking Lily (and
Regulus's heart) with him.
===============================================================================
Sirius sighed and shuffled the papers on his desk around and around…he wasn't
in much of a mood for signing bank statements. He'd sent a letter off to
Regulus an hour ago. The brat should have arrived fifty-nine minutes ago.
When the knock on the door came twenty minutes later, Sirius was in a foul
mood. He pulled Regulus indoors by his shirt collar with nary a hello and
dragged him into the bedroom.
Regulus tried desperately to unruffle himself. "What did you want that was so
urgent, Sirius?" he asked, trying to make his voice casual. "It's nearly
midnight…"
Sirius let out a frustrated hiss and started pawing at Regulus's buttons.
Regulus stepped back, out of reach. "Stop it, Sirius," he commanded. "You
haven't talked to me in months so why the fuck should I let you have anything
now?"
Sirius pulled Regulus back to him. "Don't be difficult, Reg," he growled. "This
is why no one wants to be with you."
Regulus looked like Sirius had slapped him—he even flinched. "Just tell me
what's changed," he insisted sadly. "You said you never wanted to see me again.
What's different?"
Sirius rolled his eyes. "James and Lily have gone away," he explained. "Camping
in the mountains."
"I think I understand," said Regulus, trying to wriggle out of Sirius's grasp.
"Your precious Lily Evans is gone for the weekend and you wanted a quick fuck.
I think I'll leave now. I was an idiot for even thinking you wanted me here for
anything else."
But Sirius wouldn't let him go. Regulus thrashed and tried to reach for his
wand, but Sirius got there first. He slid Regulus's wand from his pocket and
threw it across the room.
"Sirius," Regulus moaned frantically, but it was no use, he was already being
stripped of his clothes. "Will you let me go? I don't want to do this right
now. Brother, please…"
When Regulus felt the familiar bonds looping around his wrists, he began to
scream in earnest. Sirius gagged him with his own tie.
"Shh now," he chastised. "Constança will hear." Upon seeing Regulus's horrified
expression, he added. "Yes, she's quite fond of you, you know. It would be
horrible for her to see you like this."
Regulus's eyes were streaming. He tugged violently against the leather at his
wrist, and received nothing but a burning in his arms and a worrying numbness
in his hands.
"By all means, tire yourself out," Sirius laughed. He traced lazy circles down
Regulus's torso. "I wanted it to be sweet, though. I was ready to be oh-so
gentle and loving, just the way you always like it…but you had to go and act
like a prat and now look where it's gotten you. Stupid Regulus, I would have
made it good for you if you'd only behaved yourself."
Regulus closed his eyes, miserable and humiliated. Sirius's hands spidered
across Regulus's shoulders and down his sides. "Don't act like you don't want
me, Reggie, you can't fool me. I've heard you beg…"
Regulus whimpered. Of course Sirius was right. Regulus followed him around like
a lovesick baby dog, keening for his attention and love at every turn—only to
receive indifference and occasional, cruel affections. But he'd always keep
coming back, wouldn't he? If he had any self-efficacy he'd've ignored Sirius's
letter, or told him to go to hell…he wouldn't have come slinking back in the
middle of the night, fully aware of what would happen to him when he arrived.
Perhaps if he just shut his eyes and closed his ears, he could pretend things
were better, that Sirius actually wanted him as a person, that he loved him…
Sirius was kissing him now, and he must have lost his clothes while Regulus was
thinking because there was skin sliding on skin. Regulus felt so very hot but
still he shivered.
"¡Joder!"
Regulus opened his eyes in horror and watched Sirius slide off of him, a
deranged little smile on his face. There in the doorway, looking as though
she'd been about to go to bed, was Constança. She had a look of utter horror on
her face and Regulus felt like he could have died. His whole body turned flush.
"¿Qué estás haciendo? ¡Aléjate de él!"
Constança was rushing towards them. Regulus wished she'd just leave, leave and
forget she ever saw this. It wasn't worth being rescued if it meant Sirius's
wife catching them. Regulus was too prideful for this. He closed his eyes again
and heard Constança continue to berate Sirius in a mixture of very fast Spanish
and very broken English. Sirius only laughed.
"You misunderstand, darling," he purred. "I'm not hurting Reggie, I'd never
hurt Reggie. Constança…he likes this. It's a game for him…he gets off on it. Do
you understand that? He…wants…to be…tied up…like this. It's a little fantasy
game of his."
Regulus took a peek at Constança. To his horror, she seemed to be listening to
what Sirius was saying. Frantically, Regulus started shaking his head. He
screamed into his gag but the sound was effectively muffled. He thrashed anew,
tugging on his bonds. Tears poured from his eyes.
"Tú hermano…"
Sirius smiled crookedly. "My darling little brother, yes…who trusts me to take
care of him. You would have me turn him away? To someone who might hurt him?
You have to be really careful with games like these, you know…I don't think
there's a man in the world I would trust to have my brother in a position as
vulnerable as this…"
Constança nodded her head slowly, mouth agape, and Regulus began to panic even
harder. How could she just stand there, listening?
Sirius ran a hand over Regulus's face, pressing down hard and stilling him.
"There's my little performer," he cooed. "Constança…come here. Sit down. You
can touch him if you'd like…"
Regulus's breath hitched. Constança was approaching him with a glazed look in
her eyes. Regulus began to shake. He didn't want her to touch him. He didn't
want her on the bed. He wanted her to curse Sirius—to untie him—to run
screaming from the room because she'd just walked in on two brothers
fucking—anythingexcept what she was doing now.
She sat down by his head and reached slowly for the tie. Sirius's hands stopped
her.
"Uh-uh," he chided. "Don't ruin Reggie's game. He gets ever so upset when you
break his character…"
Constança nodded and ran her nails down his neck. Regulus thought he could hear
her panting.
"Do you want to fuck him, Constança?" Sirius asked suddenly and Regulus
twitched.
Constança turned to him, affronted.
"I know you've wanted to for ages," Sirius continued. "And since you're being
so…let's say understanding about my little arrangement with Reggie, I'm willing
to share…just this once."
Regulus felt a lone bead of sweat roll down his forehead.
Constança debated for a while, muttering to herself in Spanish and occasionally
slipping into what Regulus thought might be Aragonese. All the while, she
stared at Regulus, naked and flushed before her, and in the end she didn't need
much convincing.
Regulus had only ever been with Sirius, and although Sirius was usually far
from gentle, he felt that this somehow must be worse.
"He's one fucked up little kid, isn't he?" Sirius said, idly sandwiching
Regulus between himself and Constança.
Constança gave him an incredulous look.
"Well there are some things you just can't do for him, darling," said Sirius
snidely. "But by all means, keep distracting that end while I get him ready for
me."
Sirius kissed Regulus's cheek and tasted tears. He nudged Regulus forward with
the palm of his hand. Regulus strained against his bonds and sank deeper into
Constança. Sirius entered him soon after.
While Sirius and his wife set up a bit of a rhythm, Regulus felt his throat
tightening. Soon he was struggling for air, but his plight went largely
unnoticed. He was seconds away from passing out when he felt Sirius release
inside him and loosen his grip, allowing Regulus to settle back down and suck
some much-needed oxygen into his lungs.
Constança sighed enormously and slid off to the side. She and Sirius were limp
and glowing, but Regulus was still high-strung, all of his muscles shaking.
Content and absolutely spineless, Constança reached lazily over Sirius to
stroke Regulus's face. She murmured something soothing that he didn't quite
catch, and then, clearly thinking their little "game" was over, she pulled the
crumpled tie from his mouth with a smile. She seemed to be expecting Regulus to
engage in pillow talk of some kind, perhaps even in Spanish.
But Regulus couldn't find his Spanish at the moment, and so in a raspy voice,
he cried, "Don't touch me! Get away from me…don't touch me!"
"Regulus…" Constança began, sitting up worriedly. Between the two of them,
Sirius lounged, yawning.
"Untie me, Constança, for fuck'ssake, untie me. I can't feel my goddam arms! I
feel like I'm going to throw up. Sirius, I hate you. I fucking hate you, you
bastard!"
"¿No disfru—?"
"No I didn't fucking enjoy that! Constança untie me! No, no don't go, don't you
dare leave me here with him!"
Constança was crawling away from Regulus and Sirius; she was sliding off the
bed and hastily throwing on her clothes. Hugging her nightgown to her body, she
turned to face Regulus, who was still tied up. Sirius was now tugging idly at
Regulus's hair.
"S—Sirius…" Constança began. The full weight of what had just happened seemed
to be finally setting in.
"Mhmm?" Sirius asked, looking up at her. Regulus was still yelling and twisting
in his bonds. Sirius put a warning hand on his shoulder and his brother stilled
and his yells quieted to whimpers.
"¿Cuántos años tiene?"
"I'm fifteen you fucking bitch!" Regulus yelled. "Quin-ce. What, did you
temporarilyforget?"
Constança put a hand to her mouth. Sirius laughed.
Then there was a thick thud as Constança's fist connected with Sirius's jaw.
Sirius swore. Before Constança could run away or hit him again, he grabbed
ahold of her by her collar and pulled her down to his level.
"Hey, mi amor," he hissed. "Mámame la verga."
Constança pulled away from him in disgust. She seemed unable to make eye
contact with Regulus anymore. Instead she muttered a near-silent "I am so
sorry" and then ran from the room. Regulus watched her go angrily. With some
effort, he could forgive her her moment of weakness, knowing full well how
tempting it could be to see the object of your desires offered up to you…but
leaving him bound to Sirius's bed so she could go wallow in her own guilt was
something he was less inclined to ignore.
"Fuck!" Regulus swore, pulling futilely at his bonds. He felt like passing out.
"I was serious, Sirius. I'm going to puke. You've got to let me up."
To his surprise, Sirius did. Regulus immediately curled up on his side and took
deep breaths. A moment later, he saw Sirius slide the wastebasket up next to
him, and felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Sirius," Regulus sputtered. "I can't—my arms are dead. I can't sit up."
"Just hush," said Sirius flatly. He pulled Regulus up and held him steady while
he vomited into the garbage can.
"Get it all up, darling," he said.
Regulus groaned. His arms were starting to prickle now. It hurt like hell but
at least he could slowly move them again. With tremendous effort, he staggered
to his feet and started gathering his clothes.
"And where do you think you're going?" Sirius asked, tilting his head like a
curious cat.
"Home," Regulus answered shortly. He buttoned up his jacket and gave Sirius a
hard look. "And then next time your owl comes within my sight, I will shoot it
down, Sirius. Do not contact me again."
Sirius slipped on his pants. Then he leapt to his feet and blocked Regulus's
exit. He didn't seem angry, though. On the contrary, he opened his arms as
though he expected Regulus to fall into them.
"Now you don't want to leave so soon, do you Reggie? Stay here with me for a
little while and we'll cuddle; I know that's your favorite part."
"You don't have any empathy for me at all, do you, Sirius?" Regulus said in
awe. "Calling me here because you're lovesick over Lily…well at least I've
served my purpose. I stayed here long enough to distract you from murdering
James." Regulus laughed bitterly.
"Move aside, Sirius, I'm going now."
But Sirius would not let him by. Frustrated, and a little bit frightened,
Regulus retreated to the middle of the bedroom, folding his arms protectively
over his stomach.
"Sirius…"
"Willing to throw yourself on the pyre for James's sake now are you, Reggie?"
Sirius asked in a startlingly dangerous voice.
"Wh-what are you talking about?" Regulus stammered. He tried to remain calm.
Sirius was like a wild animal when he got like this. If Regulus showed any
further signs of aggression, he was going to find himself chained to the bed
again.
Sirius approached Regulus.
"I didn't realize you cared so deeply for him."
"I hardly think showing mild relief that someone hasn't been murdered
constitutes a deep caring," Regulus explained.
Sirius cocked his head to the side and continued as though he had not heard
Regulus's words. "Are you so jealous of Lily that you'd fuck her husband to try
and upset me?"
"Of course not!" Regulus screeched. "I think James Potter is an absolute prick
and I'd never go within five feet of him. All I meant was that he doesn't
deserve you beheading him."
"Don't lie to me!" Sirius screamed. "I've seen the two of you together, you
cheating little snake!"
"Don't be crazy, Sirius! He comforted me when you left me out to dry! He was
nice to me when you and Lily made my life at school a living hell! We never
fucked! I never would have done that to you, although you have no probably
cheating on me…"
"If you think he loves you, you're wrong!" Sirius growled. "He'd never sink so
low as to get attached to someone as tainted as you are!"
"Fine!" Regulus cried. "Think what you want. James is a jerk. He was nice to me
once but he's usually a dick! I don't have anything to do with him, I just
think that anyone willing to put up with you screwing their wife on a weekly
basis probably deserves some kind of award…"
"What?" Sirius demanded sharply. Regulus could have kicked himself.
"Nothing," he muttered quickly. "Sirius, look, I—"
Sirius took hold of him by the neck. Regulus gasped.
"No, what did you just say, Reggie?" Sirius said again. He squeezed his fingers
and Regulus felt his trachea shudder, coming closer and closer to cracking
before Sirius finally released him.
Tears streaming down his face, Regulus whimpered, "I said maybe James isn't all
that bad a person if he's able to forgive you having sex with Lily…"
"He knows?" Sirius asked in horror.
Regulus nodded. "For years. I thought you knew…"
Sirius shook his head slowly. Regulus didn't like the look on his face.
"Wait, Sirius, don't go anywhere!" Regulus yelled, trying to stop his brother
as he surged towards the door. "Don't do anything crazy, please!"
Sirius threw him off.
"Go home, Reg," he snarled. "You've overstayed your welcome."
He disapparated away. Regulus swore, running his hands threw his hair. He
needed to follow Sirius. It was too late to warn James and Lily but maybe he
could catch up to his brother before anything rash happened.
Regulus racked his brains to try and think of the exact location Sirius had
disapparated to. There were a few well-frequented areas where James and Lily
could be camping. One by one, he visited each one, hollering frantically for
his brother and for James.
===============================================================================
Sirius arrived at the peak just as the sun was setting. He found Lily there,
sitting in a patch of lilacs, opening and closing her fist around the stem of a
dead flower.
"Lily," Sirius breathed. "There you are."
She looked up at him dolefully. "Sirius…"
Standing up, she threw her arms around him.
"I love you," she said breathlessly. "I think I love you."
Sirius bit his lip. "Where's James?" he asked cautiously.
"James?" Lily asked. She tucked a strand of damp hair behind her ear. "He's…not
an issue anymore."
Sirius narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked. "Where's James? Where's
my friend? Lily, where is he?"
Lily only shook her head. "Not here," she said numbly. "But now…it can just be
us."
Sirius retreated a few steps. "No," he said in a strained voice. "What are you
talking about? We're not…without James, we're…"
"What?" Lily asked, her voice suddenly very high and loud. "What are you
saying? That if you're not sneaking me from James then you want nothing to do
with me? Was this just about him all along?"
Sirius scoffed. "As if it wasn't for you! You know damn well you'd only fuck me
if there was a chance James would walk in on us! You were just in it for the
thrill of getting one over on him! Was it not as much fun after he found out?"
"How do you know?" Lily asked, stumbling a little.
Sirius didn't answer her. To his surprise, he felt a single, cold tear trail
down his face. "Where…is he?" he asked in a dangerously quiet voice.
Lily started to cry. She dragged herself up to Sirius and pressed up against
him. She placed her hands on his neck and tried to kiss him, but he leaned
away.
"Lily," Sirius whispered. "Is James dead?"
Lily's hands convulsed slightly, their previously gentle grip on his throat
tightening. "He fell," she said with a labored whisper. "The cliff side
crumbled and he fell…"
"Sirius!"
Sirius and Lily both turned to see Regulus running towards them.
"Oh fuck," Lily gasped. "Sirius…Sirius what are—?"
"GO HOME, REGULUS!" Sirius screamed, throwing Lily aside. "Get the fuck out of
here!"
Regulus approached them anyway. "Sirius what's happened. Lily…where's James?"
Lily's eyes wandered to the cliff of the peak. Regulus immediately ran past
them to look, swerving out of Sirius's reach.
James hadn't fallen that far. Regulus could see his body, both legs twisted at
an odd angle, some thirty feet down. "James!" he hollered.
The body twitched and James managed to roll his head and look up at Regulus.
Sirius soon joined his brother.
"Regulus?" James croaked in disbelief. "Sirius? How did you get here?"
Regulus looked to his brother. "So you didn't…?"
"No!" Sirius said vehemently.
"Then Lily…? James," Regulus called. "Hold on, I'll come down and get—"
"Avada Kedavra!"
Sirius instinctually pulled Regulus away from Lily's spell, which rocketed down
to James and sent the last of his life fluttering away. Regulus screamed and
kicked at his brother, a horrified look frozen on his face. Sirius pulled him
up and away from the cliff side, murmuring, "shut up, Regulus. There's nothing
you can do…"
Regulus only cried. Soon Lily walked over to join them. She seemed irrationally
calm.
"So what now, Sirius?" she asked. "What now, you fucking traitor?"
"Let's just calm down," Sirius said. He had a death grip on Regulus, holding
him firmly to his side. Regulus trembled. He could feel long stalks of grass
swishing at his legs. The sun was almost gone, the last of its rays swooping in
from behind Lily, nearly blinding Regulus with their intensity.
"I am calm, Sirius," Lily said. "I am so fucking calm so you tell me, what the
fuck are we going to do?"
"We'll just leave," said Sirius. "Just pack our things and go."
"They'll find us."
"No," Sirius insisted. "We'll…we'll hide, uh, this and then we'll leave. You
two were targeted by the Dark Lord. They'll think he came for you and that I
got in the way. No one will find us…"
Lily took deep breaths. "He'll squeal on us," she said, pointing at Regulus.
"No he won't," Sirius said instantly. "If anything, he'll make our getaway
easier, won't you Regulus? You'll tell everyone I went to Lily and James
because I was worried they were going to be attacked…"
Regulus nodded immediately, but Lily was shaking her head. "No," she said. "I
don't trust him. And you don't either, Sirius…do you?"
Regulus craned his neck to look up desperately at his brother. Sirius wasn't
answering Lily. Regulus began to panic.
"S—Sirius?" he croaked.
"After all you've done to him!" Lily screamed. "He'll betray you the instant
you let him go! We'll be rotting away in Azkaban by the morning! Sirius…Sirius
let me…" Lily raised her wand again, pointing it at Regulus's face.
"Sirius!" Regulus cried. "Sirius, please don't let her hurt me!"
"I am not going to prison because you fucked me over," Lily hissed.
"I'm not the one who murdered my husband!" Sirius shot back.
"It's your fault!" Lily yelled. "I did it for you. He was talking about going
to you…wanting to speak with you, admit that he knew. If you knew that he knew
I thought you might…"
"It doesn't matter anymore," Sirius said quietly. "He's gone. It doesn't matter
now. We have to hide James and get out of here. Fuck. If we're caught, everyone
will blame me for this, Lily, what a fucking mess!"
"Your best friend is dead," said Regulus hoarsely.
"You think I don't fucking know that?" Sirius tightened his grip on his
brother.
Lily took a step closer. "We've got to get rid of him, Sirius," she insisted
again. "He's a liability. You don't have to do it, just let me…"
To Regulus's horror, Sirius nodded.
"Sirius!" he cried frantically. "Sirius!"
"Hush," said Sirius softly. "I've got you, little brother. I've got you. It'll
be quick, I promise.'
"No, Sirius!" Regulus screamed. He bit and thrashed but to no avail. "Don't do
this to me! I'd never betray you, you know that! Haven't I alwaysdone as you've
asked?"
Sirius hesitated.
"Sirius we cannot trust him," Lily hissed.
Sirius took a deep breath and nodded to her again. She touched her wand to
Regulus's temple and inhaled, ready to curse him. Regulus cried out one last
time and a burst of magic threw Lily forty feet back, and blasted Sirius to the
edge of the cliff.
Regulus staggered to his feet. Lily looked to be unconscious. Sirius was
standing up, pointing his wand warily at Regulus. "Reg…" he said cautiously.
Regulus was panting furiously. Magic crackled in the air around him. He
stumbled backwards, shouting, "stay away from me, Sirius."
He collided with someone a few steps later.
"Huh?" Regulus turned around to see a sharp-dressed ministry official.
"Regulus Black?" the man asked.
"Yes?"
The man held out a badge from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and
then launched into what was obviously a prepared speech in a very bored tone of
voice.
"Regulus Black, you are aware that you are under the age of seventeen and thus
are prohibited from performing magic outside of…school…what the fuck is going
on here?"
He trailed off as he took in the scene around him. Lily unconscious in the
grass, Sirius with his wand out, bleeding, and a large section of freshly
crumbled cliff side. He took out his wand and pointed it directly at Sirius,
who in turn dropped his own and put his hand over his head. The officer then
grabbed a tight hold on Regulus.
"Nobody move," he ordered. "I am calling for backup."
===============================================================================
The walls of Azkaban were never quiet. In the dead of night, when the shrieks
of most of the prisoners on Sirius's cellblock had quieted to pained whimpers,
he could hear the water dripping down the rocky walls. He could hear it
slithering. Tonight it was especially bad. Sirius curled up on the ground
before his bed and begged for a storm to pick up, for the waves to crash
against the island and create enough noise to cancel out the god-awful sliding
and dripping. Those sounds that were so close to being consistently rhythmic
yet just barely off to the point that it drove Sirius madder by the minute…
Multiple footsteps were sounding down the hall and Sirius perked up,
momentarily distracted from his own mental degradation. He saw a dementor float
past his cell door, presumably to meet up with whoever was arriving. Sirius
could hear only the sound of nice shoes clacking against the stone. This told
him that a new prisoner was not being escorted to their cell—if that were the
case, Sirius would be able to hear dragging.
Sirius felt the air clear a little, and a sudden warmth surged throughout his
body. The dementors were gone, probably from the entire cellblock. From across
the hall, he heard an excited shuffling in Lily's cell.
"You've got an hour," a gruff female voice said. The warden, Sirius thought.
"Can't keep the dementors away for much longer. You're welcome to come back as
often as once a week, though, son."
"Thank you sir, that's a very generous offer. I appreciate it."
Sirius bolted to his feet. He knew that second voice better perhaps than he
knew anyone else's!
Regulus!
Sirius threw himself to the bars of his cell.
"Yes, well…nobody really ever takes us up on it…" the warden said in an awed
voice. She sounded as if she thought Regulus were surely crazy.
"Sirius?" Lily's voice croaked from the darkness of her own room. The lights
didn't shine on her half of the hall; her eyes were likely already suffering
permanent damage from the dark. "Who is that? Who's here?"
"Shut up, Lily," Sirius growled. She said no more.
Sirius heard the warden walk away, her key ring jingling slightly. Then Regulus
was in front of Sirius's cell, so close Sirius could reach out and touch him.
"Reggie!" Sirius gasped. "My baby brother! Oh…you look so handsome!"
Regulus was impeccably groomed. He seemed taller. His hair was freshly cut and
his robes looked pristine—new. He looked to Sirius with calm, grey eyes.
"I graduated today, Sirius," Regulus said by way of explanation. Sirius inhaled
sharply.
"That's right…I've lost track of the days in here," he said sadly. "I'm so
sorry I couldn't go to the ceremony. I should have been there for you. Dad
would have been so proud of you, you know, graduating a whole year early…And
here just look at you, all grown up."
Sirius reached a hand out, wanting to stroke Regulus's face, but Regulus
stepped back. Sirius's hand fell limply against the bars and he looked
dejected.
"Is that your brother?" Lily's voice rang out again. Regulus turned to face the
darkness of her cell. "Has he come to get us out of here?"
"I said shut up!" Sirius screamed at her. "He's here for me, not you."
Regulus turned back to his brother.
"You have come to get me, haven't you, Reggie?" Sirius asked. "You were there
that night, you saw everything. You'll tell the warden that it was all Lily,
right? That I'm innocent?"
Regulus smiled a little. "You might not have killed James, but you still did
plenty of horrible things. Perhaps you belong here, regardless. Why shouldn't I
walk back out of this prison alone and never come back?"
Sirius now looked alarmed.
"You wouldn't leave me, Reggie, you wouldn't!" he insisted. "Sweet little
brother…" he reached for Regulus again, and this time Regulus let him take hold
of his hand. Sirius's fingers were cold, and weaker then Regulus remembered
them being.
And these were the same hands that had always been so insurmountably strong?
That had held Regulus's face to the pillow…his arms behind his back…his head
underwater…?
"I love you Sirius," said Regulus truthfully. "I've no idea why or how, but I
love you."
"I love you, too!" Sirius breathed. "So very much."
Regulus hummed. "Have you any idea how long I've craved hearing you say those
words?" he asked. "How many years I've tried in vain to win your affections?"
"Never in vain, Regulus," Sirius said quickly. "How could you say that? I've
always loved you, more than anyone!"
"Maybe you've loved me more than anyone else ever loved me," Regulus admitted.
"But certainly not more than you've ever loved anyone else."
Sirius blinked, slowly processing Regulus's words. "No," he said quietly.
"Don't say that…"
"You used me Sirius," said Regulus. "It's that simple. I meant nothing to you.
You threw me aside so many times. But now here you are: your best friend
murdered, your wife dead by her own hand after realizing what you'd tricked her
into doing, and the love of your life is rotting in the cell next to you."
Regulus jerked his head in Lily's direction.
Sirius shook his head vehemently. "No," he insisted. "No, I don't love Lily.
Regulus, she means nothing to me!"
Regulus raised an eyebrow. He heard Lily crash up against the bars of her cell,
cursing Sirius's name and snarling.
"Well I always assumed you did, since you were constantly choosing her over
me…" Regulus said. "But if she was just a fuck toy to you, then what the hell
was I? If Lily Evans meant nothing to you all along, but you still preferred
her to me, then what, Sirius? Was I even less than nothing to you?"
Sirius used what was left of his strength to pull Regulus closer to him. They
were face to face—Sirius still a few inches taller than his little brother—with
only the cold bars in between them.
"Please listen to me, Regulus," he begged. Even his breath was cold. It felt
like ice against Regulus's face and neck. "I love you, sweet little thing, I
love you. I know you've always wanted us to be together like real lovers, well
now we can! Dad is dead, right? And Mum can't stop us without him. Just tell
the truth, Reggie, and they'll let me go. Let me come home with you, let me
love you like you've always wanted. You wouldn't leave your big brother in
Azkaban…?"
Regulus leaned against Sirius through the bars. He kissed Sirius's unshaven
chin, slid his mouth up to Sirius's, and hummed softly against his brother's
lips, pressing.
Sirius opened his mouth and returned Regulus's kiss. His pulse quickened and
his whole body felt hot.
Regulus pulled away, but just barely. "I could never just leave you to rot in
here forever, Sirius," he said softly and Sirius's whole body tingled with
excitement. "I'd never be able to live with myself. You don't mean it when you
say you love me, though—"
"What? Yes I do!" Sirius began, but Regulus cut him off.
"Your professions of love mean nothing to me, Sirius, because they're only
coming now that I'm your only option. Tell me this same sob story in a few
years and I just might believe you then…"
"Regulus," Sirius gasped hoarsely. "Don't leave. Please don't leave. You don't
understand what it's like here! Everything's so cold and…I'm scared. I feel
like I'm drowning Regulus, in the dark and the cold and the misery. It's
horrifying. I know I've done you wrong, but please don't punish me, Reg, not
like this, don't leave me here to drown…"
Regulus took Sirius's hand one last time. He pressed Sirius's knuckles to his
lips and kissed them softly. "Well Sirius," he whispered. "Perhaps you should
have given me your affections when I asked for them, like a good little
brother."
Regulus left him quickly. Sirius sank to his knees in abject horror. Around him
the noises started up again. The water drip, drip, dripped and across the
hallway, Lily shuffled and moaned. The insistent cold of the dementors began to
slowly seep back to Sirius and settle in his very bone marrow.
Regulus's footsteps died away and he was gone. Sirius could only hope he would
come back when he felt Sirius had suffered enough, that he would pull Sirius
out of the prison, spell the water from his lungs, and sing to him…
"— into a sea of dew…Where are you going and what do you wish?"
 

 
End Notes
     Sorry for the bad Spanish, I tried.
     Translations:
     Está linda, Hermana. –You look pretty (tonight), Sister. [formal]
     Me alegro de que está casada con Sirius. Espero ser un buen hermano
     para usted. – I'm happy you're married to Sirius. I hope to be a good
     brother for you. [formal]
     Eres demasiado agradable. –You are too nice. [informal]
     ¿Puedo tenerte en cambio? O quizás puedo convencer a tu hermano para
     compartirte… -Can I have you instead? Or maybe I can convince your
     brother to share you… [informal]
     ¡Joder! -Fuck!
     ¿Qué estás haciendo? ¡Aléjate de él! -What are you doing? Get off of
     him!
     Tu hermano -Your brother
     ¿No disfru— ? -You didn't enjoy-?
     ¿Cuántos años tiene? -How old is he?
     Mámame la verga -Suck my dick
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