Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/162939.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki
  Character:
      Jared_Padalecki, Jensen_Ackles
  Series:
      Part 1 of Number_'verse
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-02-16 Words: 19174
****** Ain't Nothin' But a Number ******
by pianoforeplay
Summary
     It's 1997 and Jared's a sophomore in high school, just an ordinary
     kid with his share of homework, angst and secrets he'd rather ignore.
     But when his older brother Jeff brings a friend home for Christmas,
     Jared's world turns upside-down.
Notes
     Alright, so Jensen is 19 in this, Jared is 15 and there are
     definitely a few sexual situations. Many many thanks go out to wendy
     for, as always, her amazing beta skills and to fayemeadows for
     basically being the best cheerleader and life ruiner in the entire
     WORLD. Initially posted here on 10/27/2009.
See the end of the work for more notes
"This is Jensen," Jeff says as they step inside the front door. He drops one
overstuffed bag to the floor, the other still slung over his shoulder.
The guy -- Jensen, apparently -- gives an awkward wave, smiles shyly as he
says, "Nice to meet you, Ma'am. Sir."
A blink and Jared's mom is practically cooing and wrapping him in a hug as she
leads him into the kitchen, asking what foods he likes and whether he has any
allergies she should know about.
Jared frowns as they leave, looks back at his brother. "He's staying here the
whole time?"
Jeff shrugs. "He doesn't get along well with his parents. And it's only for a
few weeks. You'll deal."
They learn more about Jensen over dinner, his parents grilling him on where
he's from (Richardson -- just outside Dallas), what he's studying (sports
medicine), his hobbies (sports, going to concerts, being outdoors) and
everything in between. Jared keeps quiet throughout, which is different for
him, but nobody else seems to notice, all too focused on this new guy with his
warm smile and polite words and green, green eyes.
Jensen is staying in Jeff's room, which is right across the hall from the
upstairs bathroom. Jared almost collides with Jensen later that night while
leaving the bathroom, teeth minty clean.
"Oh, hey," the guy says, smiling sheepishly as he steps to the side. "Sorry."
Jared feels his stomach flip and gives his own smile. Says, "No problem," as
Jensen slides past him into the bathroom.
Their shoulders brush together and Jared feels it all the way down to his toes.
:::
"Hey, JT?"
Jared's grunts, eyes focused straight ahead as he tries to get Snake through
the enemy warehouse, using boxes of ammo for cover.
"Dude, pause it for a sec. Jesus."
Scowling, Jared makes sure he's still undetected, then hits pause and glares up
at his brother, waiting.
Jeff hesitates for a second, glances back over his shoulder and steps into
Jared's room, closing the door behind him. "Okay, man. I'm gonna tell you
somethin' and you have to promise to not, like. Get weird."
Jared arches an eyebrow, wondering how an introduction like that could possibly
not make him get weird. "Did you kill someone?" he asks and Jeff blinks at him.
"Like I'd tell you if I did."
"Did you flunk out? Did you get someone pregnant?"
"Jared."
"Are you leaving college to become a famous trapeze artist?"
Jeff rolls his eyes. "It's about Jensen."
That makes Jared shut up, his smile slipping and his stomach doing that weird
flip thing again.
"You have to promise not to tell Momma and Dad."
Jared makes a face. He can't promise not to tell if he doesn't know what it is.
Jensen doesn't look like a serial killer or anything, doesn't look like some
homeless guy Jeff picked up off the street, but hey, it's not impossible.
"Jensen's gay."
Jared blinks, gut twisting tight and blood draining from his face. "What? No
way!"
"Jared, you can't tell. Promise me."
"Are you--" Jared's voice catches in his throat, heat creeping up his neck.
"Are you and him--"
"No!" Jeff winces at the shout and then looks weirdly guilty, voice dropping as
he continues. "No, he's just a friend. A good friend. And his parents-- he came
out to them before he left for school and they don't really talk to him much
anymore. That's why... I just wanted him to have a good Christmas, you know?
Knew Momma would spoil him rotten."
Jared feels something inside his chest loosen then, muscles relaxing even as
his gut continues to roll uncomfortably. "Oh," he says, reaches a hand up to
scratch his neck. "Okay. I won't tell."
:::
Jared had his first kiss a year ago. Erin in his honors biology class. They'd
gone on a few dates and he asked her to Semi-formal and then kissed her during
that All 4 One song because he knew it was her favorite.
It hadn't felt like a big deal. It hadn't felt like much of anything.
He's thought about doing other things since then and he's kissed a couple other
girls. But it's still never felt like much of anything.
:::
Jensen doesn't really act like a gay guy. Not that Jared's exactly met one
before, but he'd always thought they liked musical theater and interior
decorating, thought they talked with a lisp and walked around with their hand
hanging weird off their wrist.
But Jensen isn't like that at all. He likes video games and football and when
Jared had suggested watching The Sound of Music earlier, he'd looked at Jared
like he'd suddenly grown a second head. And, sure, the guy's a little
bowlegged, but Jared isn't certain that's a gay thing. He thinks maybe it's
just a Jensen thing.
"Jeff told me," he confesses the day before Christmas Eve.
It's Jeff's turn to help clean up the dinner mess and Megan's up in her room,
so it's just him and Jensen in the living room, watching the tail end of The
Rock on HBO. He doesn't know why he's bringing it up, but he can't stop
himself.
"Hmm?"
"About. You know." Jared bites his lip, picks at a loose string on his lounge
pants. When he glances over, Jensen's watching him, eyes wary. "It's not. I
won't tell anyone," Jared adds because that much feels important. "I just
wanted you to know. Uhm. That I know."
Jensen doesn't say anything right away, but Jared can feel him watching. His
skin feels hot all over.
He huffs out a breath a few moments later, shakes his head. "Look, nevermind,"
he says just as his mother calls out to them from the kitchen.
"You boys ready for some pie?"
Neither of them answers for a second or two, Jared staring at Jensen and Jensen
staring right back before Jensen's lips twitch into a small smile.
Jared feels a rush of relief then, can't stop the way his own lips curve
upward. "It's probably apple," he says, "with ice cream," and Jensen full on
grins and leaps to his feet, says, "Holy crap, I love this family."
:::
On Christmas Eve, Jared's family always goes to midnight service and this year
is no different. Jared's a little surprised to see that Jensen's brought church
clothes with him, a pair of khakis and a green cable knit sweater that looks
impossibly soft, makes Jared's fingers itch to touch.
They sit together in the pew and, because it's a popular service, they're
packed in pretty tight, his thigh pressed right up against Jensen's, shoulders
brushing every time they stand to sing.
At the end, they all light candles and sing Silent Night. It's one of Jared's
favorite Christmas songs even though he can't sing it very well, so he keeps
quiet, focusing on Jensen's voice beside him instead, which he's only a little
surprised to find is really nice. He wonders if that's supposed to be a gay
thing or if it's just a Jensen thing again.
After, during the closing benediction, Jared blows out his candle, tips it
slightly so that the warm wax drizzles over his fingers.
Beside him, Jensen does the same, makes a tiny white ball out of the bit he
collects and throws it at Jared's cheek as they're leaving. It bounces off and
drops to Jared's chest before he catches it against his stomach. Glancing up,
he finds Jensen grinning at him, eyes crinkling at the corners.
Jared grins back, closes his fist around the tiny ball of wax and slides it
into his pocket.
:::
Jared has these thoughts sometimes. They started years ago, back in seventh
grade with Ryan Peterson. Ryan was in his gym class, had dark hair and dark
eyes and made Jared laugh harder than he'd ever laughed in his life. Ryan was
really good at soccer and volleyball and tennis, but kind of sucked at
basketball and he wasn't really in the popular crowd, but everyone seemed to
like him. Jared liked him.
Their lockers were assigned alphabetically for class so his and Ryan's were
right next to each other. And they had to change into their gym clothes every
day.
Ryan had lighter skin than Jared. No moles, but a small mushroom-shaped
birthmark down by his hip. He had hair, too. Not much, but more than Jared,
down below his belly button. Jared thought about it sometimes, caught himself
wondering what Ryan looked like without his underwear on. If he had hair down
there, too.
It started with Ryan, but he's never told anyone.
:::
For Christmas, Jared gets a new CD player and a few new albums to go with it:
Everclear and Oasis and The Verve. He gets a new coat, too, and some sweaters
and pants from his grandma, a few gift certificates to Barnes and Noble and
Best Buy and a copy of Ace Ventura from his sister, among other things. It's
not a bad haul, but Jared's still a little disappointed. He'd been hoping for a
computer.
There are a few presents under the tree for Jensen, though not many and Jared
can't help feeling bad for him. He figures spending Christmas with someone
else's family has to be uncomfortable.
They do dinner after, ham and sweet potatoes and tamales, green beans and
potato salad with three different kinds of pie for dessert.
Jensen's quiet through the entire meal, but polite, answering questions about
his own family traditions when asked, but otherwise keeping silent.
"My mom always makes turkey," he says and then quickly adds, "Uhm, not. Not
that anything's wrong with ham. I like ham."
"So do I," Jared's mother says, smiling gently. "But Gerald likes ham, so
that's what we do."
Jared's dad glances up from his plate, fork and knife still poised over his
slab of meat. "I thought you liked ham."
"I do," she says, reaching over to pat his arm. "I just like turkey more."
"Oh. Did I know that? I didn't know that."
"Would it make a difference?"
"Do you want turkey? We can do turkey next year."
"No!" Megan interjects, a piece of said meat stuffed into her mouth. "I like
ham!"
Jared's mother laughs, smiles over at Jensen again. "Ham it is."
Later, Jensen reveals that his entire extended family typically comes over for
Christmas. Grandparents and aunts and uncles, more cousins than he can count.
There's a huge meal that spans over several tables and one room dedicated to
holding hundreds of presents and they spend the entire day eating and playing
games and tripping over each other in the hallways.
Jared takes a look around the table: just himself, his brother, his sister and
his parents. And Jensen. He can't help thinking it has to be a let down.
But Jensen just says, "There's usually a lot going on at once. Too much
sometimes. I like this. Yours. This is nice."
It sounds sincere, but Jared still feels bad for him.
:::
His mom drags Jared out to go shopping the next morning and he spends most of
the day trying not to strangle his sister.
Target has some PlayStation games on sale and Jared uses one of his gift
certificates to buy Final Fantasy VII. He wraps it when he gets home, even
sticks a bow on it, and waits until after dinner to pull Jensen aside.
Jensen's hesitant as Jared closes his door, watching him with questioning eyes.
The tips of Jared's ears burn as he holds out the package, says, "Here," with
his head ducked.
Jensen arches an eyebrow as he takes it, turns it over in his hands a few times
and then slowly peels back the paper.
"Oh, dude," he says as soon as he makes out the title, looks up at Jared with a
bright, easy smile that hits Jared right in the belly. "This is awesome! I love
this game!"
"Yeah, Jeff's mentioned you guys play it sometimes down in the... whatever that
place is."
"Downstairs, yeah. They have this whole room set up in the basement with video
games and movies and a pool table and stuff. It's pretty sweet."
"Yeah," Jared says, feeling awkward, but pleased, tugs at the bottom of his
shirt with nervous fingers. "Anyway. I'm glad you like it."
Jensen nods again, his smile wide and says, "Hey, you wanna play later?"
And Jared really really does.
:::
Lying in bed that night, he thinks of Jensen. It's not surprising; he's been
thinking about Jensen since the minute Jeff brought him home, but this time
it's different.
He thinks about what Jensen looks like under his clothes, wonders if his skin
is as soft as that sweater had been or maybe softer. Warmer. He thinks about
Jensen's freckles and wonders if he has them everywhere, not just scattered
over the bridge of his nose. He thinks about Jensen's green eyes and wonders if
they ever change color, how they'd look even closer up, if they'd be greener
yet. He thinks about Jensen's lips and wonders how soft they are, how they
might taste, how they might open to him if Jared ever tried to kiss him.
Jared works a hand down into his shorts, feels his dick swell at the touch of
his fingers and the thoughts in his head.
He thinks about Jensen laid out under him, wonders how his skin would look
against Jared's blue sheets. He thinks about the way Jensen's shoulders fill
out his shirts, not quite as broad as Jeff, but meatier. He thinks about
Jensen's voice, low and soft, wonders how he'd sound if he let Jared touch and
kiss him all over.
He thinks about how Jensen might look naked, whether his dick is bigger than
Jared's, whether it's thicker, how it'd feel in his hand, how it'd feel in his
mouth, how it'd taste.
He comes quietly, legs drawn up and hips snapping into his fist, makes his
shorts sticky and gross with spunk. Bringing his hand to his face, he sniffs
and then licks lightly before grabbing a tissue from the box on his nightstand
and cleaning off.
When he falls asleep some time later, he's still thinking about Jensen's mouth.
:::
Jared has a paper on medieval weaponry due when school starts up again in
January. It's for his world history class, and, while the subject is actually
really cool, it's about the last thing he wants to be working on during his
winter break.
Jeff and Jensen spend their days out around the city. They visit with some of
Jeff's old friends from high school and go down to the River Walk and out to a
couple movies. Jeff lets Jared hang out with them on Tuesday only because Jared
lies and says he's almost done with his paper. Jared then spends the whole time
trying not to stare at Jensen too much, his fingers itching at his sides and
stomach tied in knots.
They swing by Whataburger for lunch and Jared sits next to his brother, tries
not to focus too hard on where his ankle knocks against Jensen's boot under the
table.
"So Jared," Jensen says while they're stuffing their faces and talking about
nothing. "Do you have a girlfriend?"
Beside him, Jeff grins, knocks his elbow into Jared's arm. "Yeah, JT, spill.
You manage to get past first base with anyone yet?"
Jared feels his face heat red and he swallows his food, brushes away the crumbs
from his mouth. "I'm not-- Not really."
"Not really as in you can't score or not really as in you're not going out with
anyone?"
Jared frowns, glances up briefly at Jensen and quickly looks away again. "Shut
up."
"That's not an answer, little brother."
"I took Nicole White to homecoming."
"Hmm," Jeff says and Jared keeps his face down, staring hard at his burger.
"Nope. Still not an answer."
Jensen chuckles, low and quiet and Jared feels his neck burn.
"What about you?" Jared says, turning the tables on his brother. "Have you even
kissed a girl before?"
But Jeff only snorts and rolls his eyes. "Dude, I lost my virginity when I was,
like, fourteen."
"It doesn't count if she had four legs and fur," Jared says and Jensen makes a
strangled sort of noise and then bursts out laughing.
Jeff kicks him under the table, but Jared hardly feels it. He's too focused on
the way Jensen's smiling at him, wide and genuine. It makes him feel amazing.
:::
Later that night, after dinner and dishes, after his parents have gone to bed
and Jeff's disappeared to wrangle up some leftover dessert, Jared finally
blurts out the question that's been on his mind all day.
"So, uhm. Do you have a boyfriend?"
Admittedly, it's pretty random, and Jensen only blinks at him, cheeks tinging
pink as he looks from Jared to the television and back again.
"Uhm," he says and then laughs a little, uses one finger to scratch his neck.
Jared thinks he should probably apologize, but he doesn't. He's too busy
holding his breath.
"Uh," Jensen says, obviously hesitant and then breathes a quiet laugh. Says,
"No. No boyfriend."
"Oh," Jared says on an exhale. It isn't the answer he'd expected.
"I used to," Jensen adds, sounding a tiny bit defensive. "We broke up a few
weeks ago. It wasn't really serious."
Jared nods and bites at his lip. Jeff's still searching the kitchen; Jared can
hear him closing the cupboard doors and silverware drawer. Jensen still hasn't
stopped looking at him.
"Do you, uhm. Do you want serious?"
Jensen shrugs. Says, "Maybe," and then grins a little. "Do you want a
girlfriend?"
It's an innocent question, maybe just teasing. But there's a look in Jensen's
eyes that makes Jared's blood run hot and he swallows, shakes his head.
Jensen's answering smile is blinding.
:::
Wednesday is New Year's Eve. Jeff takes Jensen to a friend's party and Jared
goes over to Mitch's house. Mitch is a year ahead of Jared and does original
oratory for the speech team; Jared doesn't know him very well, but all his
other friends on the team are going and it's not like Jared has anything better
to do.
It doesn't turn out to be a bad party. More people show up than Jared had
expected and there's a lot of really good food. He's on his tenth Red Vine when
Susan Smallwood corners him just before midnight and asks him to kiss her when
the ball drops. She has short, dirty blonde hair, green eyes and a nice smile.
Jared says yes.
His parents pick him up shortly after and, instead of going to sleep right
away, he stays up playing video games in his bedroom, listening for the front
door.
It's after three in the morning when Jeff and Jensen finally come home. They
stumble up the stairs, clearly trying to be quiet and failing completely,
sputtering laughter with every step.
Jared turns off his game and slips out into the hallway.
Jeff sees him when he reaches the top of the stairs, his smile loose and lazy
and Jared immediately wrinkles his nose.
"You're drunk."
"Shhhh," Jeff slurs, shaking his head. "Am not. Be quiet, Dad and Momma are
asleep."
"I am being quiet," Jared says, gaze drifting to where Jensen's leaning against
the banister. "You guys are the ones stompin' up the stairs."
"Shhhh," Jeff says again and Jared rolls his eyes.
Jensen grins at him, nudges Jeff forward up the last step. "We'll be quieter,"
he promises and Jared steps back, lets them squeeze by to get to Jeff's room.
He doesn't think he imagines Jensen leaning into him on the way, a smile
tugging at his lips and eyes heavy-lidded.
Jared takes a slow breath once Jeff's door is closed, eases back into his own
room, his dick aching in his shorts.
He stands there for a minute, trying to hold onto the moment, how it felt to
have Jensen so close, so warm. His cock throbs at the memory and he whimpers,
takes the few short steps to drop down onto his bed, hand slipping into his
shorts.
A knock at the door seconds later makes him jump, heart leaping into his throat
as he scrambles to his feet just as Jensen peeks his head in.
"Hey."
Jared swallows, fingers twitching and face burning. "Uhm. Hey."
Jensen seems to take that as an invitation and steps in, clad only in boxers
and a t-shirt, shuts the door behind him. Jared wants to ask if he needs
something, but he thinks he might already know the answer. His palms feel
sweaty, his knees shaky and all he can do is stand there like an idiot as
Jensen watches him.
"So," Jensen says after a long moment, lips still curved in a half-smile. He
breathes a laugh. "I'm really drunk."
"Yeah," Jared agrees. He tugs at the bottom of his shirt, prays it's too dark
for Jensen to make out the tent of his shorts.
"Can I ask you somethin'?"
"Uhm," Jared says. "Sure?"
Jensen nods and sucks in a breath. He takes a step forward and Jared fights to
stay just exactly where he is. "Did you kiss anyone at midnight?"
Jared thinks of Susan, her soft lips and softer breasts and shakes his head.
"No. You?"
Jensen takes another step forward, right into Jared's space and Jared feels
like his chest is about to explode. Jensen's taller than him by a couple
inches, just enough that Jared has to tip his head back slightly to meet
Jensen's eyes. He wishes he still had the lights on.
And then Jensen leans in, whispers, "Neither did I," and presses his lips to
Jared's.
They're even softer than Jared imagined. Wetter. Jared makes an embarrassing
sound and opens his mouth immediately, clumsy and too soon and Jensen laughs
against him, lifts a hand to cradle the side of his face.
"Shhh," he whispers and Jared only nods, swallows back a whimper when Jensen's
tongue slides inside, licks behind his front teeth.
His hands find Jensen's t-shirt, curling tight in the fabric as the kiss
deepens, tongues meeting and sliding together, noses brushing. Jensen still
tastes like beer and Doritos and Jared can't get enough of it, presses closer
for more when Jensen lets out a quiet moan. His teeth scrape Jensen's bottom
lip when Jensen pulls back and Jared whimpers at the loss, immediately leaning
in for more.
"Jesus," Jensen breathes, turns his head so that only their foreheads touch.
"Jesus, Jared. Drivin' me fuckin' crazy."
Jared feels hot all over, like he's about to come totally undone and he ducks
down, finds the tender skin just below Jensen's ear with his tongue. Jensen
moans again, a quiet, shuddered sound and Jared can't help but grin as he goes
to work mapping his way down the stretch of Jensen's throat.
"Oh God," Jensen groans when Jared gets to his Adam's apple, follows the dip
and roll as Jensen swallows, Jensen's hands kneading his shoulders and sliding
up into his hair.
"Can't-- can't tell your brother," he whispers and Jared can only nod in
agreement, whimper as his hips roll forward. His erection rubs against the jut
of Jensen's hip and Jared thinks he should probably be embarrassed by it, but
it feels too good. Way too good.
"Won't," Jared manages a second later, breath hot against Jensen's neck as he
grinds forward again. "Promise. Just-- please. Please."
He doesn't really know what he's begging for aside from more of everything.
More of Jensen's mouth, his touch, the tiny, needy sounds he keeps making. It's
been less than five minutes and already Jared feels hopelessly addicted to
every single part.
One of Jensen's hands drops from his shoulder to his ass and Jared gasps, hips
bucking, the friction of dry cotton almost painful against his cock.
"Shh, shh," Jensen says, his other hand lifting to Jared's jaw as he shifts
slightly, slips a thigh between Jared's legs and tugs him forward. "Just-- just
like this," he whispers, more breath than words against Jared's lips before
kissing him again, harder, hungrier.
It's too much, better than anything Jared's ever felt before and all it takes
is one, two rolls of his hips and he's coming, creaming his shorts and shaking
in Jensen's arms. He can't control it, can't help the whimper that pushes past
his lips and into Jensen's mouth, can't help clutching at Jensen's shirt,
Jensen still rock hard against his own thigh, still pressing bruising kisses to
Jared's mouth.
Jared's heart is going crazy and his legs feel kind of weak, but Jensen's
panting against him, making soft, needy noises and Jared fumbles a hand between
them, clumsily curls his palm against the bulge of Jensen's shorts.
"Oh God," Jensen groans again, lower this time, throaty and Jared takes it as
encouragement, squeezes and rubs as Jensen grunts against his cheek, grips
Jared's ass tighter. "Yeah-- yeah, keep-- Jared. Fuck, fuck, Jared."
:::
He sleeps in until noon the next morning, wakes up feeling refreshed and good
all over. And still really horny.
Smirking, he settles his hand over himself, rubbing the hard length as he
remembers the night before, how Jensen had felt against his hand, how he'd
shuddered all over with Jared's name on his lips.
It doesn't take him long to get off, just a few quick strokes, fingers of his
other hand pressing down just behind his balls. And it's good, it's always
good, but he can't help feeling like something's missing now.
He showers after -- a little disappointed when he doesn't bump into Jensen on
the way to the bathroom or the way out -- and changes into his nicest pair of
jeans and one of his favorite t-shirts. It's stupid maybe, Jensen isn't
suddenly his boyfriend or anything, but he can't help it. He wants to look
nice.
When he gets downstairs, Jensen and Jeff are both in the living room, looking
tired and sullen. His parents are both there, too, and there's a tension in the
air that immediately makes Jared nervous.
They all look at him as he reaches the bottom step. Jensen glances away almost
immediately to stare down at his lap and Jared feels a weight drop heavy in his
gut.
"JT, could you give us a few more minutes?" his Dad says.
It sounds more like an order than a request and Jared nods, walks through the
room and into the kitchen, keeping his ears perked for a hint of what's going
on.
"I don't see what the big deal is," he hears Jeff grumble. "I'm nineteen, I'm
in college. It's not like I'm a kid anymore!"
"Yes, you're nineteen," his father replies. "And, last time I checked, that's
still two years under the legal drinking age."
"Worse, you drove," his mother adds. "Do you have any idea what could've
happened?" She sounds more upset than angry and Jared suddenly feels stuck
between wanting to mock Jeff for being so damn stupid and wanting to run out
there and yell at him himself.
"But nothing did happen!"
"Well, you were lucky!"
Jared listens unashamedly to the entire argument, unsurprised that Jensen is
quiet the whole time, even when they tell him they're considering calling his
parents. He murmurs only the required Yes, Ma'ams and No, Sirs to their
questions and Jared starts to panic a little in the empty kitchen. He doesn't
want Jensen to go. Not now. Maybe not ever, though knows how ridiculous that
is.
"Sherri and I are gonna think about this for awhile," his father says finally
and Jared can't help noticing that his voice is softer in talking with Jensen
than it is with Jeff. "I suggest you two spend the day thinking very seriously
about what you've done."
:::
The rest of the day is quiet; Jared doesn't see Jensen or Jeff at all the
entire time.
Just before dinner, his parents go upstairs to talk to them, leaving him and
Megan to wonder about the verdict.
"They shouldn't make Jensen go home," he says, folding his arms tight over his
chest.
Megan glances up from her notebook. "Why not?"
"Because. His parents already hate him or somethin'. They'll probably, like,
throw him out. Maybe kill him."
"Okay, that's dramatic," Megan says, wrinkling her nose. "I don't think they'd
kill him."
"How do you know? Have you met them?"
"Have you?"
Jared frowns. "No. But Jeff's told me about them. They sound awful." It's not
entirely the truth; Jeff's never mentioned Jensen's parents beyond that Jensen
doesn't get along with them. Still, Jared thinks he's probably right.
"But Jensen's nice."
"Yeah, so? What does that have to do with anything?"
"Awful people don't have nice kids, do they? I thought awful people only had,
like, trolls and bullies and stuff. It's just how they're raised."
Jared considers that for a minute and then shakes his head, sighing quietly.
"No. It doesn't work that way."
When his parents come down twenty minutes later with Jensen and Jeff trailing a
few feet behind, it takes everything in Jared to not leap up and ask whether
Jensen's staying or going. He tries searching Jensen's face for the answer, but
Jensen's not looking at anything but his own feet.
It isn't until after dinner that Jared starts to relax. Jeff's on kitchen duty
for the rest of the week, apparently as part of his punishment and Jensen,
according to his mother, is to help him. For the rest of the week.
Jared feels almost giddy with relief.
:::
Jared wakes up the next day to the sound of footsteps above his bed.
Rubbing sleep from his eyes, he crawls out from under the covers and steps out
into the hall, sees the trapdoor to the attic pulled open. He stands at the
foot of the ladder for a moment, still only dressed in his shorts, and shouts,
"Jeff??" because he can't imagine Megan or either of his parents up there.
His brother's head peeks over a minute later, hair dusted with flecks of pink
insulation, looking tired and irritated. "What?"
"What are you doing?"
Jeff huffs out a breath, wipes a gloved hand across his forehead. "What the
hell's it look like?"
Jared frowns, tries to squint past Jeff's shoulder. There's nothing much to
see, but he can smell dust and moldy air and the sharp tang of ammonia. "Are
you cleaning?"
"Awesome. Way to use those deduction skills, JT."
"What are you doin' cleaning?"
But Jeff doesn't answer, having already disappeared once more into the bowels
of the attic.
Jared stands there for a minute longer, listening to the creaks of the ceiling
and the clatter of things being shoved around. Stands there until his neck
starts to ache and then decides to go make himself some breakfast.
:::
They don't come down until lunch and, by then, Jared's figured it out. He grins
when they step into the kitchen, their t-shirts soaked through with sweat and
faces red. Jeff looks like an idiot, but Jensen... Jensen looks amazing. Or
course.
Forcing himself to focus on his brother, Jared puts on his best, most knowing
smile. "So. How's it goin'?"
"Suck a dick," Jeff mutters, opening the fridge wide and just standing right in
front of it.
A flush of heat threatens to crawl up Jared's neck and he darts a glance at
Jensen before looking away again just as quickly. "You should do my room next,"
he decides, popping a chip in his mouth.
"You know, I found a couple naked pictures up there of Dad. Thought I'd tape
'em up over your bed."
"Ugh, Jeff!"
Jeff turns then, flashing a grin and reaches over to grab a chip off Jared's
plate before resuming his stance in front of the fridge.
"Seriously, how long is it gonna take you?" Jared asks, turning his attention
to Jensen again. Partly because he can't help it and partly because he thinks
he has a better chance of getting an actual answer from Jensen.
But Jensen only shrugs, doesn't even look at him as he says, "It's a big
attic."
Jared feels suddenly stupid, too young and dumb and immature. He tears his eyes
away from the way Jensen's t-shirt sticks to his skin and stares down at his
half-eaten sandwich. "Yeah," he says. "Guess so."
:::
Jeff and Jensen spend the rest of the day cleaning out the attic and all of
Saturday cleaning out the garage. It only takes them half of Sunday to clean
the shed in the backyard while Jared spends the entire day up in his bedroom,
finishing his paper. He stays there even after he's done, only coming down for
dinner where he hardly says a word the whole time. His silence doesn't go
unnoticed, his mother asking if he feels alright with a quiet, concerned frown.
"Stomach hurts a little," Jared says and it's only partially a lie. He can feel
Jensen's eyes on him, but he doesn't glance over, just pokes at his lump of
spaghetti, shoulders hunched.
He goes to bed early that night, but doesn't sleep for a long time, his
traitorous mind continuously running over memories of New Year's Eve: the way
Jensen had kissed him and murmured his name, the taste of his skin and the way
he'd shuddered when he came. Every single moment.
But of course, Jensen had been drunk. Really drunk. It hadn't meant anything.
:::
School the next day sucks. He has a pop quiz in geometry he narrowly escapes
failing, almost falls asleep in both English and biology and spends the rest of
the day wondering what Jeff and Jensen are up to now that they've completed the
terms of their punishment.
In health class, he comes to the conclusion that both his body and his brain
are conspiring against him.
They're on nutrition, but Jared finds himself flipping past the anatomy
diagrams in his textbook and staring, seeing nothing but Jensen in every stupid
picture. Which is ridiculous since it's not like he actually saw Jensen naked
or anything. But he'd felt him, felt every inhale, every touch, every pulse of
Jensen's dick through his shorts.
And that's apparently enough, all Jared needs to feel his own dick thicken in
his jeans.
Face flushing red, Jared raises his hand. "Can I go to the bathroom?" he asks
when called on. Mrs. Carey sighs, clearly disappointed in his lack of
contribution to the discussion, but still hands him a hall pass.
In the bathroom, Jared bypasses the rows of urinals, heading straight for the
stalls. He can see that one of them is occupied, but the handicapped one at the
back is open and he ducks into it, double-checking the lock before settling
against the cement wall, heart fluttering in his chest as he waits for the
other guy to flush and leave.
The wall feels sticky at his back and the whole place smells like piss and
farts, but none of that's making his dick any less hard. He presses a hand
against himself, trying to suppress it, only breathing in relief when he hears
the door swing opened and then closed again.
He waits a couple seconds, just in case the guy's lingering, and then quickly
unzips, pulls his dick out. He tries to think about Susan and Nicole, but his
mind won't let him, always sliding back to Jensen, his plush, soft lips and
freckled cheeks and warm, broad shoulders. When he comes, messy and hard, it's
to the image of Jensen on his knees, mouth wrapped around the head of Jared's
cock, sucking him down.
He washes his hands after and checks his shirt three times before heading back
to class.
The rest of the day still sucks.
:::
Jeff picks him up after speech practice Tuesday afternoon. Jensen's sitting in
the passenger seat, so Jared throws his bag into the back and crawls in after
it.
"Have a good day at school, dear?" Jeff asks, tone suitably condescending and
Jared flips him off. "Oh, hey, now is that anyway to treat the guy chauffeuring
your lame ass? I don't think so."
"I could've gotten a ride from someone," Jared points out, putting on his seat
belt. The hair at the back of Jensen's neck looks soft.
"Yeah, but I bet they wouldn't be taking you out to eat. Now show me some
respect, little brother."
"Whatever," Jared grumbles, slouching down in his seat.
The angle of the side mirror gives Jared a clear view of Jensen's face and
Jared spends the whole drive sneaking glances, unobserved. Jensen looks more
relaxed than he has the past couple days, lips moving as he sings along to the
radio under his breath, smiling whenever Jeff says something particularly
stupid.
They end up at Pappasito's and Jared orders his usual, never once asking his
brother why they're there, why Jeff bothered to bring him along. Mostly because
he doesn't care. Food is food; he's not about to complain. He tries not to look
at Jensen too much, but can't help the way his gaze keeps sliding toward him,
gut going tight every single time, making it more and more difficult to eat.
When Jeff leaves for the bathroom later, Jared's only halfway through his
fajita and has barely picked at his slab of ribs.
The tension when it's just him and Jensen is almost unbearable and Jared keeps
his mouth firmly shut as Jensen clears his throat.
"Hey, so, uhm," Jensen says and Jared darts a glance up and then back down
again, takes a sip of his Dr Pepper. He hears Jensen let out a breath. "Listen,
Jared, I wanted--" Out the corner of his eye, he can see Jensen scratch at his
jaw, see him shift forward across the table. When he speaks again, his voice
has lowered, gone quiet, like he's sharing a secret. "Look, I just need to tell
you I'm sorry. For, uhm. For, you know. The other night. I was-- Man, I was
really drunk, but I know that still ain't an excuse and you. God, you're just a
kid."
Jared winces, curls his fingers tight around his fork.
"It wasn't right," Jensen continues. "And I promise, I won't-- it won't happen
again, okay? I'm sorry."
Earlier, Jared didn't think it was possible to feel any smaller or stupider. He
knows differently now. He's just a kid, after all. And Jensen was drunk. It's
nothing he didn't already know, but hearing Jensen say it out loud, makes him
want to throw up.
Poking at his fajita with his fork, he finally glances up again. Jensen's
looking at him with a soft, sad expression, like he's genuinely concerned and
Jared's stomach lurches all over again, words rushing up his throat and
clamoring to be let loose.
I wanted it, he aches to say. I wanted it and I still do. I'm not just a stupid
kid.
But he keeps it back, just nodding when Jensen asks, "So are we good?" but not
meaning it at all.
:::
He disappears into his bedroom as soon as they get home, barely saying hi to
his parents on the way. He tries to do his homework for English, but gives up
after a half an hour spent reading the same page over and over and decides to
play video games instead, the sound turned down low.
After losing five rounds of Mario Kart, he gives up on that, too.
He wakes up hard the next morning, which isn't really anything new. Groaning
softly in pain, he jerks off, a pillow plastered across his face as he forces
himself to think about nothing at all.
The bathroom is occupied when he gets there and, already in a bad mood, he
pounds on the door. "Hurry up, you jerk, I gotta get to school!"
He expects his brother to cuss at him in response, but instead Jensen opens the
door a few seconds later, hair mussed and cheeks sleep-pink.
"Sorry," he mutters, trying for a smile.
"Oh," Jared says, his stupid dick twitching in his shorts. "Hey. No problem, I
just-- I have to shower."
Jensen nods, reaches a hand up to scratch the back of his neck. "Right, yeah.
Sorry."
Neither of them move for a long moment, Jensen staring down at Jared's knees,
Jared staring at the top of Jensen's ducked head. He fights the impulse to lean
forward, to crowd Jensen back into the bathroom and beg for a repeat of New
Year's Eve, make it clear somehow that he's not just a kid, that he knows
exactly what he wants and what he wants is Jensen.
But then Jensen clears his throat and Jared remembers dinner the night before
and quickly steps back, gives Jensen ample room to escape.
Still, their shoulders brush as they pass and Jared's stupid dick gives another
feeble twitch.
:::
Wednesday at school is marginally better. He still spends most of it
daydreaming about Jensen, but it's getting a little easier to handle. He's had
crushes before and he tells himself that's all it is this time. Just a stupid
crush. He'll get over it.
Jeff lets him play video games with them that night, Jensen whipping out his
new copy of Final Fantasy. The one Jared bought him.
They finish off a bag of Cheetos and Jared kicks Jeff's ass at Mortal Kombat
four times in a row while Jensen shouts encouragement from the other chair,
cheering Jared on just to piss off Jeff.
Sometimes he thinks he catches Jensen watching him, but every time he turns to
see, Jensen's looking away again.
:::
Jared fucking hates biology.
"Goddamnit!" he shouts, hurling his textbook against the far wall. It hits with
a crash and then falls to his dresser, knocking off his old soccer trophy and
the ceramic horse statue his great-grandfather left him when he died.
He winces, relieved that the horse doesn't break, but still not any less angry
as he punches both fists against the mattress beneath him, kicks at his
footboard.
After a couple minutes, he feels a little better and decides he needs some
sustenance in the form of Oreos to get him through the rest of his homework.
Jeff arches an eyebrow in his direction when Jared reaches the foot of the
stairs, says, "Temper tantrum?"
"Biology."
"Ah."
In the kitchen, he pours himself a glass of milk and then takes a quick gulp
straight from the carton before putting it back. The Oreos are missing from the
cupboard, but he finds an opened package of Chips Ahoy instead, licks the
crumbs off his fingers after stealing a handful.
Cradling his stash in a napkin against his chest, Jared turns to head back to
his room and nearly runs straight into Jensen, some of the milk from his glass
spilling over and onto the floor.
"Whoa, hey," Jensen says, catching him by the elbow. "Sorry. Wasn't tryin' to
scare you."
"You didn't," Jared says and it's not really a lie. Scowling slightly, he lifts
the hand splashed with milk to his mouth, licks away some of the liquid as best
he can.
Jensen stares at him for a moment, something flashing behind his eyes before it
disappears just as quickly. "Uhm, do you want help?"
"Huh?"
"With your homework," Jensen clarifies, lips twitching slightly. Jared thinks
he might be blushing. "Biology, right? I'm pretty good at it and I thought I
might-- I mean, I don't even know what exactly you're studying, but I can tell
you everything you wanna know about cellular respiration and photosynthesis if
that helps."
"What do you know about amino acids?"
"Uhm. Well, they're the building blocks of proteins. Kind of integral to
nutrition and stuff like that. And there's the whole peptide bond thing; what
all do you need to know?"
Jared laughs despite himself, relieved and grateful and anxious in equal
amounts. "Everything," he says with a sigh and Jensen just grins.
:::
Jensen hadn't been lying.
After twenty minutes spent getting cookie crumbs all over his bed and listening
to Jensen explain the difference between amide and peptide groups, it actually
starts to make some sense.
"I didn't cover this shit until junior year chemistry," Jensen confesses awhile
later.
Jared's busy scribbling down an answer to one of the last questions in the
section. "It's an honors class," he explains. "I'll probably take chem next
year so I kind of have to make sure I know this stuff now."
"So you're pretty smart."
"I guess," Jared says with a shrug. "I'm not, like, first in my class or
anything."
Jensen seems to consider that a moment, nodding to himself like it means
something.
Jared is smart, he knows that. Yeah, he likes to goof off and act like an idiot
a lot of the time, but he gets better grades than most of his friends and does
well on tests without even trying. Which is why he finds biology so
frustrating; no matter how hard he tries, he just can't get the concepts. It's
infuriating.
When Jensen still doesn't look away for a moment or two longer, Jared starts to
feel self-conscious again, lips tugging into a frown. "... What?"
But Jensen just shakes his head, lets out a quiet laugh. "I don't know, man,
you just..."
Jared's frown deepens and his stomach goes tight again. He's been dealing with
Jensen's rejection for days now and he thought it was starting to get easier.
Now he's not so sure. The more he sees of Jensen, the more time they spend
together, the more he wants.
And then, inexplicably, Jensen's leaning forward, right into Jared's personal
space, one hand on the biology book and the other palming the back of Jared's
head as he presses their lips together.
A high, startled sound pushes past Jared's throat and he reels back on pure
instinct, lips tingling.
"Shit," Jensen mutters, wincing as he pulls away, but Jared's brain finally
kicks into gear and he grabs at Jensen's wrist, holds on tight.
"Wait, no," he says, words rushed and slightly panicked as he gives a tug. "No,
I'm not--" Cutting himself off, he surges forward, lips smashing against
Jensen's, heart hammering in his chest.
For a long, terrifying moment, he's sure Jensen's about to pull away again,
about to just rip free and run out, taking Jared's heart with him. Jared
whimpers at the thought and tightens his grip on Jensen's wrist, tilts his
head. His lips part in a shuddered breath, tongue getting just a brief taste
and then suddenly Jensen's pushing forward, mouth open and sucking Jared's
breath away and Jared falls back, drags Jensen on top of him, his book falling
to the floor with a dull thunk.
His hands are everywhere: on Jensen's shoulders and against his chest, curving
around sharp hipbones as he tries to drag Jensen closer, between his spread
legs. Jensen stubbornly stays as he is, an arm on either side of Jared's
shoulders, hovering over him, connected only by lips and tongues. And Jared
feels like he's drowning, their noses smashed together, Jensen's mouth
unraveling him from the inside out.
"Please," he murmurs, the word muffled as Jensen nips at his upper lip, sucks
at the bottom one. "I want-- Jensen, please..."
With a groan, he tips his head back, fumbles a hand down between them, fingers
clumsy at the front of Jensen's t-shirt, shoving it aside to finally reach
warm, perfect skin. Muscles flutter under his touch and Jensen grunts, stops a
second, his head tucked under Jared's jaw.
"Oh, Jesus."
Jared moans in response and curls his other hand over Jensen's shoulder,
holding on as his fingertips hit the top button of Jensen's jeans.
He doesn't wait for an okay, doesn't ask for one, just takes Jensen's grunts as
encouragement, presses his palm against rough denim. It's familiar and foreign
all at once, more of a barrier this time, but Jensen's unmistakably hard and
his hips grind down, firm against Jared's hand.
"Let me," he groans, fingertip catching on the metal of Jensen's zipper.
But Jensen shakes his head, lips pursed at the soft skin under Jared's ear and
Jared growls, blindly pawing at the button until it pops free, tugs the zipper
down just enough for him to shove his hand inside.
Jensen jolts above him, pulls up just enough to meet Jared's eyes and Jared
stares right back, silently daring Jensen to make him stop. He still doesn't
entirely know what he's doing, but he knows he wants this, wants his hand
around Jensen's cock, wants to watch him come, wants to feel it.
His fingers catch at the waistband of Jensen's shorts and it takes all his
concentration to push past the fabric, the angle completely opposite what he's
used to. It's worth the effort seconds later when his hand finally finds
Jensen's dick, hot and stiff. It feels a little thicker than his own, the veins
slightly more pronounced and he squeezes gently, gives an experimental tug that
draws a moan from Jensen so incredible that he absolutely has to do it again.
"Jared-- fuck, Jared..."
He tries it again, picks up a rhythm that Jensen seems to like. He knows it's
not perfect, probably not the best handjob Jensen's ever had in his life, but
Jared doesn't really care. Not when Jensen's still looking at him like that,
sweaty and winded with his eyes blown dark, hair hanging over his forehead.
Jensen's easily the hottest thing he's ever seen, no question.
"Jensen," he whispers, twists his wrist on an upstroke. "Jensen, c'mon. Want
you to."
He arches his own hips up off the bed, grinding against air, already two
seconds from losing it in his own jeans.
Jensen's panting above him, lips red and swollen and Jared has no problem
imagining them wrapped around his dick. He groans at the mental picture and
tightens his grip, works his hand faster, just like he would on himself, quick
rough strokes and seconds later Jensen's coming, spilling over Jared's fingers,
creamy and thick.
"Oh my god," he breathes, thumb pressing up against the crown of Jensen's dick,
feeling another spurt of jizz trickle free. "Oh my god."
The last word is muffled by Jensen's tongue, dies off into a gasp as Jensen's
hand finds his crotch. And Jared's suddenly mindless, sticky fingers gripping
onto Jensen's hip as he bucks up into the touch. He's already so turned on, so
wound up, that all it takes is about three seconds to have him shooting in his
jeans, sticky and warm and so so good.
Everything feels slow after, their panting too-loud in the sudden silence.
Jared blinks the sweat from his eyes and swallows, fingers still damp on
Jensen's side.
"I wanna blow you," he whispers, surprising even himself with the proclamation.
But he means it completely.
"Jesus."
Jared grunts out a laugh when Jensen collapses on top of him, feels the gentle
sweep of Jensen's eyelashes against his cheek and his heartbeat against Jared's
own.
"I mean it," he says, sliding sticky fingers up Jensen's back. "I really,
really wanna blow you."
Jensen only groans against him, turns his head into Jared's neck.
"Okay," he says after a long, agonizing minute, voice hushed against Jared's
skin. "Yeah, okay."
:::
But they have to get through dinner first.
Jared spends the whole meal giddy with anticipation, his stomach in knots and
legs twitching under the table. He normally loves his mother's casserole, but
this time he barely tastes it, his focus entirely on later, on having Jensen
naked beneath him, Jared's mouth everywhere.
Jensen, for his part, hardly even looks at him. Any other time, Jared would
probably find that disheartening, but this time he gets it. He's trying not to
look too much either. The last thing they need is for anyone else to figure it
out.
"So was Jensen able to help you with your homework, dear?" his momma asks while
he's shoveling in a bite of food.
"Mmm," he answers, cheeks flushing faintly as he nods and starts chewing.
He hazards a glance at Jensen, but Jensen's studiously eating his own plateful,
not looking up at all.
"Well, isn't that nice," his mother continues, reaches over to pat his arm.
"Did you tell him thank you?"
Jared almost laughs then, has to press his fist hard against his leg as he nods
again. "Yes, momma. 'Course."
"Wasn't any trouble, Mrs. Padalecki," Jensen says and Jared's mother tuts
softly, shakes her head.
"I'm gonna get you callin' me Sherri before you leave here if it's the last
thing I do," she says, grinning and Jared's smile slips away in an instant.
He'd known, of course, hadn't really forgotten, but he still feels blindsided
again by the fact that Jensen's leaving. Leaving soon. On Saturday. Which gives
Jared less than two days.
"Sorry, ma'am," Jensen says, cheeks tinged red.
"Sherri."
Jensen laughs then, soft under his breath. "Sherri."
Jared kind of wants to hit something.
:::
Jeff and Jensen take care of the dinner mess and Jared slips away, back to his
room. He picks his biology book up off the floor, gathers the few papers that
were kicked aside and stuffs them all into his folder. He straightens up his
dresser, replacing the trophy and checking the horse statue for any scratches
or chipped off pieces.
His hands feel clammy and he wonders if he should strip down to boxers or stay
as he is, wonders if doing one or the other will make it look like he's trying
too hard.
Wonders if Jensen's even going to show up.
He stands in front of his mirror for a long while, frowning at his reflection.
He's too skinny, all arms and legs with barely any muscle mass at all, big feet
and hair that sticks up at every angle. His nose is too big and he has moles
all over, little dark, gross dots that Jensen must find totally repulsive. That
anyone would find totally repulsive.
Sighing, he runs a hand through his hair, tries to flatten the million and one
cowlicks with his own spit. It's pretty hopeless.
His finger catches on his bottom lip and he tugs it down, opens his mouth wide.
He reshapes his lips, curls them over his teeth, sticks his finger in between
them and sucks, slowly moves his finger in and out, along the flat of his
tongue.
It feels weird and he looks stupid so he stops, huffing a breath as he wipes
his finger dry along the leg of his jeans.
He turns on his PlayStation then, and pops in Metal Gear Solid. His mind isn't
really on it, too anxious and distracted by everything else: the fact that
Jensen's leaving in less than two days and Jared may never see him again, the
fact that they've fooled around twice now and he's still no closer to
understanding what's really going on, if Jensen sees him as anything but just
some stupid kid.
He gives up after twenty minutes, throwing the controller to the floor and
dropping back onto his bed, arms up over his head as he stares at the ceiling.
He doesn't remember falling asleep, but when he wakes up again, the house is
completely silent and the clock on his nightstand says it's past two in the
morning.
Disappointment sinks in slow and oppressive and he rolls over, peels off his t-
shirt and jeans and curls up under the covers. It takes him a long time to fall
back to sleep.
:::
Jared's exiting the bathroom after his morning shower when he next sees Jensen.
He only has a towel wrapped around his waist and his hair's still dripping onto
his shoulder, cool air of the hall making him shiver.
Jensen blinks at him, squints like maybe he can't see very well, his hair
sticking up on one side and eyes puffy and red and Jared stares for a second,
leans forward and then away before shouldering past.
He hears Jensen call out after him, but ignores it, just closes his bedroom
door without a word.
School is a nightmare. He walks through the halls listlessly, gets yelled at in
both English and geometry for falling asleep. Biology's the worst. They go over
their homework from the day before and Jared spends the entire class period
with his notebook on his lap as he remembers Jensen's mouth and cock, the
little sounds he'd made that Jared will never get to hear again.
His friends notice his mood and shoot him concerned glances all day. He tells
them he's not feeling well, but, managing a strained smile, assures them he'll
be fine.
It's a Friday so there's no speech practice after school and Colleen, who got
her drivers license in October, offers to give him a ride home.
He's known Colleen since elementary school, since third grade with Miss Holland
who always had cool art projects on Fridays. They got paired up a lot, their
desks smashed together while they cut up pieces of construction paper into tiny
pieces and made mosaics of Disney characters. They had fourth grade together
too, and then a lot of the same classes in sixth. By seventh, they were hanging
in the same crowd, sitting together at lunch and meeting up on weekends. She's
maybe not his best friend, Jared's never really had just one of those, but
she's up there.
"You okay?" she asks after five minutes of Jared's uncharacteristic silence.
He answers with a shrug, watching the houses roll by out the window. "I'm
fine."
"Liar," Colleen says, smiling a little as she eases the car to a stop at a red
light. "You've been moping all week. Did Nicole break up with you?"
Jared snorts a laugh. "No."
"You guys have a fight?"
"We're not together."
"Huh? Really? But you took her to homecoming."
"That was, like, two months ago."
"Oh," Colleen says. "But you... huh."
Jared continues to stare out the window; the guy in the car next to them is
singing along to some song Jared can't hear with the windows rolled up, his
lips moving soundlessly. It reminds him of Jensen.
"She's always talking about you," Colleen continues, reaching to change the
radio station. She flips through her presets until she settles on one playing
No Doubt, taps her fingers against the steering wheel along to the beat. "You
should ask her out. She'd say yes, you know. She's totally into you."
"I think I'm gay."
He doesn't really plan on saying it, but the words just spill out. Colleen
stares, absolutely silent while Gwen Stefani sings about not speaking. Jared
almost wants to roll his eyes at the irony.
But then the light turns green and Colleen lets out a breath. Says, "Wow. Don't
think I was expectin' that."
Jared doesn't know whether to laugh or cry and his face tries for something in
between. "Just. Don't tell anyone, okay? Promise me you won't tell anyone."
"So, you're like. You're serious about this. You're not just messin' with me."
He can spot the easy out she's giving him, the door wide open to laugh and grin
and say, Hey, really had you goin' there, didn't I? Make it something they can
laugh about later.
But he can't do it. The words won't come.
"Wow, okay," Colleen says before he can manage anything at all and then she's
taking a sharp right turn, off onto a street Jared's never been before. He
takes a moment to panic as Colleen pulls over to the side of the road, shoves
the car into park and hastily shuts off the radio.
"Colleen, what're--"
It's completely silent for a moment, nothing but the sound of Colleen's jacket
rubbing against the upholstery as she turns to face him. He gives her a glance,
sees nothing in her eyes beyond quiet concern when she says, "Tell me his
name."
Jared swallows, gaze flicking past her at the unfamiliar house on the other
side of the street. The tree in the front yard is still decorated with a string
of unlit Christmas lights and there's an inflated snowman by the mailbox.
"Jared--"
"Jensen," he says finally, still looking out the window. "His name's Jensen."
:::
When Colleen drops him off at his house two hours later, he actually feels a
little better.
She'd listened to the whole story, nearly every detail of the past few weeks
and some other things, too. He'd told her about Ryan and about Marc and Eli and
Brent. All the stuff he's been thinking about for the past few years and hadn't
been able to tell anyone. He'd told her about the kiss on New Year's Eve and
some of the stuff that'd happened in the study session, enough for her to get
the picture. And she'd listened and squeezed his hand and promised not to tell
anyone.
Of course, the minute he steps back into his house, it's evident that nothing's
really changed at all.
Jeff and Jensen are in the living room, watching Independence Day and eating
junk food and Jared walks right on by them, heads up the stairs to his room.
"Hey, JT! Your favorite parts comin' up!" his brother calls out. Jared ignores
him. He knows Jeff's talking about the scene where they're all in Area 51 and
the alien lashes out at the glass. The first time they'd seen it in the local
theater that part had made him scream like a little girl and Jeff's never ever
let him live it down. It doesn't usually bother him too much, just takes it
with a laugh and gives Jeff a half-assed punch to the arm. But today he's not
really in the mood.
He doesn't have much homework so he pulls out his speech binder instead, sits
cross-legged on his bed and goes over his lines for about the hundredth time,
trying out different inflections on some of them just for the hell of it. Just
because he has nothing better to do.
After about twenty minutes or so, there's a knock at his door.
"Yeah?" Jared grunts, flipping a page in his binder, whispering the next line
under his breath.
"Hey."
The sound of Jensen's voice makes him stop cold and he glances up, blinking.
"You busy? We should-- I was thinkin' we should probably talk."
Jared bites at his lip. After two hours with Colleen, he feels pretty talked
out and he's not sure he can even form real words around Jensen anymore. Not
good ones anyway. Not coherent ones that don't consist of Please stop jerking
me around or Why are you doing this if you just think I'm some stupid little
kid?
So he only shrugs and says, "Why?"
Jensen looks surprised by that and, for a second, Jared feels a little bit
powerful. Like maybe his entire self worth isn't dependent on Jensen after all.
It's a pretty good feeling.
And then Jensen pulls in a slow breath and says, "Well. I'm leavin' tomorrow,"
and that familiar, heavy weight makes Jared's stomach drop to the floor all
over again.
"Yeah, I know," he says, keeps his head up and tries not to fidget. "So?"
"So I thought..." Jensen trails off, mouth twisting into something that looks
like frustration. "I don't know. Thought maybe we should get some things, uhm.
Sorted. I guess."
Jared frowns, glances at the open door behind Jensen's back, but doesn't ask
him to close it. Just says, "Like what? You worried I'm gonna start stalkin'
you through e-mail or somethin'? Be this annoying little kid who won't leave
you alone? I won't. I promise."
Jensen cringes, but he doesn't argue. He glances back into the hall and then
shuts Jared's door and Jared feels his stomach turn over, but he doesn't move.
Neither does Jensen.
"That's not--" he says then, stops to suck in a breath. "I like you, Jared."
"Yeah, well I like the Dallas Cowboys. Doesn't mean I want Emmitt Smith
following me around everywhere."
Jensen blinks. Cracks a smile. "You kiddin' me? That'd be freakin' awesome."
Jared has to take a second to consider that and then laughs despite himself.
Just a little. "Okay, bad example. But you know what I mean."
"I know what you mean," Jensen says, voice still a little soft with laughter.
It's a nice sound. Jared's mostly sure Jensen's not laughing at him so that
helps. "But I like you, okay? Not like-- not just as Jeff's little brother or
whatever. I know you're not just some kid. Well, I mean," he adds quickly, face
flushing red, "you are a kid, that's not-- it's the truth. And I guess that's
the problem. You're only fifteen, Jared--"
"Fifteen and a half."
"-- Not even legal. You're in high school, man. You got any idea how much
trouble I could get into for this?"
Jared sputters, trips over an incredulous laugh. "Is that what you're worried
about?"
For a second, Jensen looks like he maybe wants to take it back, his mouth
hanging open uselessly before he manages, "Age of consent is seventeen in
Texas. I looked it up."
"What, and you think I'm gonna tell someone?" Jared snaps, ignoring for the
moment that he's already told someone. He figures that's different, though;
Colleen swore secrecy and Jared trusts her completely. And even if someone did
find out, he'd deny it up one side and down the other because, because-- "I
wanted it, Jensen! Okay? I still do. I keep-- God, I think about you all the
time. You're the hottest guy I've ever seen in my entire life and it's not-
- you're funny and really smart and you don't treat me like just some kid. Or,
not usually anyway. You treat me like I mean something, like maybe I could-- I
don't know. Like maybe I'm more than just Jeff's stupid little brother. The way
you look at me sometimes--"
"Jared."
"You know, being gay is illegal here, too," Jared adds hastily, frustration and
hurt pushing him on. "You're already breaking the law just by being you so what
does it matter if--"
"Jared."
Jensen's tone is what makes him shut up, a strained, desperate sort of plea.
Jared takes a breath, feels his entire body shaking with everything he still
wants to say as Jensen just stares at him.
"You are..." Jensen trails off, shakes his head as he inhales and then tries
again. "You have no idea how amazing you are. Fifteen and already way more
interesting than anyone I've met at UT. Including Jeff," he adds with a hint of
a grin. "And you-- God, look at you."
Frowning, Jared does, glances down at his t-shirt like there's something to see
there aside from the drape of fabric over skinny bones. His fingers twitch
self-consciously.
"You're seriously gorgeous, Jared. And when I think about how you're gonna look
in, like, four or five years, I just... trust me, you're not even gonna look
twice at a guy like me."
The idea that Jared could ever not look at Jensen is absurd and he opens his
mouth to say as much, but Jensen doesn't let him.
"You're smart, Jared. And you're funny and you're a genuinely good guy. You're
gonna be one of those people who can seriously do anything at all, anything you
want, doesn't matter what it is. Because there's just something about you. I've
only known you for a few weeks, but I'm already-- Jared, you just make things
happen, you make people want to be around you, you..." He trails off again,
sighing heavily.
Jared wants to take the opportunity to get in his own piece, but he's too
stunned, can barely form a thought much less actual words.
"I don't wanna leave," Jensen says then, a note of finality in his tone, like
maybe this is really what he's been trying to say all along. "Fuck, why
couldn't you have been Jeff's hot fraternal twin? Make this whole thing a lot
easier."
Jared snorts out a laugh, feels something in his gut finally unclench. "Gotta
take that up with my parents."
"Yeah, I'm sure they had control over that."
Jared shrugs and Jensen smiles, small and wry as a silence settles. The
tension's still there, still wrapped around them like a blanket, but it's not
as bad as before. Jared doesn't feel as angry.
"I don't want you to leave either," he confesses a second later, starts picking
at a loose string on his comforter. "Like, ever. And I know that's weird, but I
don't-- Just. What if I never see you again?"
Before Jensen can answer, there's a knock at the door and they both startle at
the sound. They're not doing anything, still at least a good ten feet or more
apart, but Jared feels his heart leap into his throat all the same. "Yeah?" he
manages, gaze stuck on Jensen's anxious, wide eyes.
"Dinner's almost ready," his dad says from the other side of the door. "You
boys wanna come down and make drinks?"
Jensen visibly relaxes then and Jared lets out his own breath. Says, "Yeah,
sure, Dad. We'll be right down."
They stay quiet after, listening for his dad's receding footsteps, the creak of
the stairs as he descends. Then Jared, feeling suddenly bold, says, "Meet me
tonight."
Jensen's eyebrows raise in question.
"Here. After dinner," Jared clarifies. "Uhm. After bed. Jeff sleeps like a dead
person, he won't notice if you sneak out."
"Jared, that's not..."
"Please. We don't-- it doesn't have to be anything." Jared swallows, doesn't
care how pathetic he sounds anymore when he adds, "I just want a little more
time with you."
Jensen smirks then, huffs a quiet breath as his cheeks color. But he says,
"Yeah, okay," and Jared's stomach flutters all over again.
:::
As expected, Jared spends the rest of the night with his nerves wound
impossibly tight, legs jittering and hands twitching. It's enough to annoy his
sister at dinner and she shoots him irritated glances for awhile before finally
punching him in the leg, muttering, "Quit it, you spaz," under her breath.
Luckily, no one else seems to notice.
"So Jensen," his mother says once she's done asking everyone about their day,
"are you looking forward to getting back to school?"
Jared glances over, their earlier conversation coming back to him in full force
and he struggles to keep himself still, leg is still kind of sore from where
Megan had hit him.
"Not really," Jensen says, lips twitching in a smile. "I mean, I like what I'm
studyin' and UT's a great school and everything. But it's still school. This
has been a nice break, I really like it here. Thank you again for havin' me."
And, okay, it's not like Jensen's declaring his undying love or anything, but
when Jensen cuts him a quick glance, Jared can't help the way he lights up
inside.
"Well, we've loved having you," his momma says, all warm and sincere. "If you
ever wanna come back, you're more than welcome. With or without Jeff."
"Preferably without, in fact," jokes his Dad and Jeff barks out a, "Hey!"
Jensen ducks his head, still smiling. "Thank you, ma'am, that's really--"
"Sherri."
"Right, Sherri," Jensen says, laughing quietly. "Thank you, Sherri."
His mother reaches over then, takes Jensen's hand in her own, thumb brushing
over his knuckles. It's a touch she's given Jared hundreds of times before,
always soothing and gentle, always when she has something important to say.
This time is apparently no different.
"You're a fine, upstanding young man, Jensen," she says, her voice quieter and
Jared can see the skin of Jensen's neck going a little pink, but he doesn't
pull back or look away. "And I know-- Honey, your parents love you, never doubt
that. It might be hard for them right now and I can't imagine it's any easier
for you, but they'll come around, okay? Might take 'em some time, but I know
they will."
Jensen's full on red then and Jared, stunned, shoots a glance at Jeff. Jeff
looks equally surprised and, when he looks at Jared, mouths a harsh, Did you...
as Jared quickly shakes his head.
He hadn't told, wouldn't even dream of it and he can't be sure his parents know
the exact reason Jensen doesn't get along with his parents, but the idea that
they might is still a little terrifying. Even if they seem bizarrely okay with
it.
Jensen looks shaken then, his shoulders drawn in as he stares at where Jared's
mom is still holding his hand.
Everyone's looking at him and Jared knows Jensen must hate it, so he clears his
throat, drops his fork to his plate with a clang and says, "Dude, I think she
just formally adopted you. Hope you like Polish food."
It's pretty lame, but it manages to break the tension, the entire table
breaking into quiet laughter. Jensen tosses him a quick glance and Jared's not
entirely sure, but he thinks Jensen looks a little grateful. And a lot
relieved.
The rest of dinner is relatively uneventful. Megan wants to take an art course
at the local community center with a friend and Jared's father spends ten
minutes harassing Jeff on his choice of classes for the next semester, an
argument they've already had about ten times since Jeff got home. Jared listens
and tosses in his opinions and tries not to think too hard about later that
night, about Jensen possibly in his bed, about kissing him one last time.
Tries not to think about Jensen leaving.
:::
Jared takes a shower after, a long one, washing his hair twice and everything
else a couple more times. It's probably ridiculous and pointless, but he
figures it's good to be prepared. His dick enjoys the warm water and enjoys
Jared's rampant imagination even more, but Jared ignores the pull, willing his
erection away as he dries off and checks his face for zits, combs his hair.
Back in his room, he puts on a pair of clean boxers and a t-shirt and drops
down onto his bed. It's only eight o'clock, still too early to even pretend to
go to sleep and he rubs his sweaty palms over his legs, takes a slow breath and
tries to calm his jittery nerves.
He can hear the TV downstairs, the canned laughter of some primetime family
sitcom his parents like. They're probably wondering where he is, maybe assume
he's doing homework or talking to a friend on the phone. No one's called for
him so he doubts anyone's worried.
Another deep breath and he gets to his feet, checks his reflection one last
time and heads down.
"Dude, did you take a shower?" Jeff asks immediately, in that tone that never
fails to make Jared feel about four years old.
There's an open spot next to Jensen on the couch and he hesitates for only a
second before taking it, making sure to put plenty of space between them. Says,
"Yeah, so? I know hygiene is a totally foreign concept to you, but most people
find it pretty normal."
"Fuck you," Jeff smirks. "You smell like fruit."
"Language," their mother interjects, eyebrow arched. But she sounds more amused
than upset.
"Better than smelling like you."
"Could you two keep it down?" their father cuts in, nodding at the television.
"Some of us are tryin' to watch TV here."
Jeff huffs. "This show sucks anyway."
"Well, I don't see anyone makin' you stay."
Jeff grumbles something under his breath then, but noticeably doesn't leave and
Jared smirks, curls his legs up under him on the couch. His toes bumps against
Jensen's leg briefly as he turns his attention to the television, tries to
preoccupy himself with the show and his family's quiet laughter, not the fact
that Jensen's sitting right next to him, only inches away. His mind keeps
wandering, tripping over and expanding on memories of things they've already
done. He thinks about how it'll happen, if Jensen will let Jared kiss him
again, if Jensen will him do more, do anything at all. He doesn't want to get
his hopes up, especially not after the last time, but he can't help himself.
There's too much that he wants.
After his parents' shows are over, they switch over to a documentary on the
Loch Ness monster on Discovery that leads into one about blue whales. Jensen
gets up at one point to use the bathroom and his fingers brush Jared's arm as
he passes, not at all noticeable to anyone else, but it shoots a line of pure
heat through Jared's body, makes him giddy with hope and even more restless,
and he spends the next half hour willing the time to go faster.
By eleven, Jared's about to burst out of his skin. He makes a show of
stretching his back, arms over his head before he rubs at his face.
"Think I'm gonna go to bed," he announces, throwing a yawn in for good measure.
"Kinda early for you, ain't it, JT?" his father says, eying him curiously. "You
feelin' alright?"
"Mmm," Jared answers, nodding. "Just been a long week."
He gives both his parents a hug on his way out, flushing slightly when his
mother kisses him on the cheek. He doesn't miss the way Jensen watches him,
saying, "Night, man. See you tomorrow."
"'Night," he says back, grinning to himself all the way up the stairs.
:::
The waiting sucks.
Jared shuts his bedroom door and turns off the lights, lies back on his bed and
stares up at the ceiling. After awhile, he takes his shirt off and then,
fifteen minutes later, pulls it back on again. He thinks about playing a video
game, but decides he'd only be too distracted. He tries out different ways of
looking casual: sits with his back against the headboard, sprawls out face
first on top of the covers, crawls under them curled on his side and then makes
the whole bed up again and stretches out on top. He strains to hear what's
going on downstairs, the sounds from the television and his family's quiet
conversation.
At midnight, he wants to just yell at them all to go the hell to bed already.
He listens to the new Oasis album with his headphones on for awhile, fingers
tapping restlessly on his belly. He dozes, but never for very long, waking up
every five or ten minutes to check the clock. He switches Oasis for Matchbox 20
and falls asleep.
A hand on his shoulder jars him awake sometime later, eyes flying open to focus
on a hazy silhouette hovering above him, the press of a leg against his side
where the guy sits perched on the edge of Jared's bed.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you."
Jensen's voice is little more than a whisper and Jared can barely hear him
through his headphones. He shoves them off, dropping his new Walkman on the
floor as he struggles to sit up. "Didn't," he says, wiping a hand over his
face, groggy and off balance. "Hi."
It's too dark to really make out Jensen's expression, but Jared thinks he sees
a smile.
"Hi," Jensen replies and his hand moves to settle on Jared's chest. It's a warm
weight and Jared prays Jensen can't feel the way his heart is already starting
to kick. "You, uhm. You wanna go back to sleep?"
Jared shakes his head, blinks a few more times. "What time is it?"
"Little after three," Jensen says after glancing at the clock on Jared's
nightstand. "Pretty late."
"What took you so long?"
"Jeff. He had, like, four Cokes before bed. Took him forever to go to sleep."
Jared laughs because that definitely sounds like his brother, but it breaks off
slightly when Jensen's hand smooths down the front of his shirt, stopping to
rest on his stomach. It's innocent enough, especially compared to how Jensen's
touched him in the past, but it still makes Jared's nerves crackle to life,
blood warming in his veins.
"It's okay if you don't want to," Jensen adds and that's enough to make Jared
push himself up, still shaking his head as Jensen's hand falls away.
"No, no," he says, hurriedly running a hand over the back of his head and
hoping his hair doesn't look too stupid. "I want to. I was-- I didn't mean to
fall asleep. I was waiting."
A silence settles then as they just stare at each other in the darkness,
Jared's heartbeat pounding louder in his chest, probably loud enough for Jensen
to hear.
"I don't know--"
"So I brought--"
They both laugh and Jared presses his hand into the mattress and tries to sit
up a little straighter. Says, "What'd you bring?" just as Jensen says, "You
don't know what?" and they both laugh again, awkward and strained.
"Uhm," Jared manages, scratching the back of his neck. "You go first."
Jensen's laugh then is quieter, more of a breath and then he holds out his
other hand, the one that hadn't been on Jared's stomach. There's something in
it and Jared frowns as he tries to make it out. It looks like a small travel
size bottle of lotion and a-- oh.
"I brought some stuff," Jensen says and then quickly adds, "But it's not-- we
don't have to use it. Just. It's just in case."
Jared swallows, gives a stilted sort of nod. Says, "Yeah, that's, uhm. Good
idea."
"Yeah."
They both fall quiet again. Jared hears a car pass by on the street outside
before Jensen finally breaks the silence. Says, "Okay, I just made it weird,
didn't I?" and Jared blinks then startles himself with a laugh.
"It was already weird," he says, realizing a second later that that's probably
not what Jensen wants to hear and then decides he's done with talking anyway.
Reaching out, he finds Jensen's shirtsleeve and gives a tug, leans up at the
same time. The angle's all weird and he ends up hitting Jensen's jaw with his
mouth as Jensen makes a quiet, surprised sound.
Thankfully, Jensen doesn't give him the opportunity to apologize, just turns
his head an inch or so to the left and finds his way. It's a fairly chaste
kiss, just a dry brush of lips on lips, but it still makes Jared whimper. He
leans into it, already eager for more, but Jensen breaks it with a low chuckle,
breathing out warm against him. Jared tenses, wonders if Jensen's laughing at
him, if he's already making an ass of himself by trying too hard.
But Jensen isn't pulling away at all. In fact Jensen's still leaning into him,
nosing Jared's cheek as he brushes a kiss to the corner of Jared's mouth. Says,
"A good weird," and Jared can only nod and tighten his grip on Jensen's shirt,
can only pull him in for another kiss, mouth to mouth this time. With tongue.
It's not quite like the other times they've kissed. No desperate surprise, but
a natural urgency and Jared finds himself emboldened by it, licking deep into
Jensen's mouth, sucking at his tongue.
Again, it's Jensen who pulls back first, Jared leaning up at the loss,
following until Jensen holds him back.
"Hang on," he says and then leans past Jared to toss the stuff he'd brought on
the nightstand. Jared's breath catches a little and he stares at the bottle and
square foil packet, gut going tight with expectation and anticipation. There's
only one condom and Jared wonders if that means Jensen wants to fuck him or if
it's supposed to be the other way around. They haven't talked about it. He
suddenly thinks maybe they should.
When he turns his attention back to Jensen, he almost gasps again, mouth going
dry.
Jensen's naked.
Or well. Almost. His shirt's gone, but he's still working at his shorts,
struggling to get them off without standing up and Jared's fingers already itch
to touch, street lights from outside Jared's window throwing shadows over
smooth, bare skin.
Jensen's shorts drop to the floor with a whisper and then he's rolling fully
onto Jared's bed, crowding up right next to him, forcing Jared to move over.
The whole process is clumsy and completely uncoordinated and the mattress
groans under the added weight.
"This okay?" he hears Jensen murmur a second before wet, warm lips find the
skin just under his jaw.
Tipping his head back, Jared moans his answer, reaches out blindly to settle a
hand on Jensen's bare hip. Jensen shudders against him and Jared, still in his
boxers and t-shirt can't help feeling really overdressed. It's kind of good,
though; he doesn't feel so self-conscious this way, instead free to focus all
his energy on feeling as much of Jensen as humanly possible.
He takes advantage of it, shifting a little when Jensen throws a leg over his
hips, his hand smoothing over Jensen's bare ass, pulling him closer. With a
groan, Jensen seems to get the hint and rocks forward, grinding hard against
the jut of Jared's hip.
"Jensen--"
He only gets a whimper in reply and Jensen's teeth scraping the skin of his
throat.
"Jensen, please, I want-- c'mon. Wanna suck you. Please."
Jensen groans again, deeper this time, the sound vibrating against Jared's
chest and settling between his thighs. He grips at Jensen's ass, flesh firm and
warm under his palms and he slides them up to Jensen's waist, arches his hips.
"Please."
Finally, Jensen lifts up a little, breath hot against Jared's lips as their
eyes meet.
"You ever done it before?" Jensen asks, voice shaky and breathless.
Jared thinks it's a pretty stupid question; Jensen should know he's never done
any of this before, but he only shakes his head. "Want to," he says again, two
seconds away from begging yet again.
"You ever--" Jensen starts, gasping when Jared rocks up against him again,
needy for more friction. "Fuck-- you ever even been sucked?"
The answer to that is pretty embarrassing so Jared keeps his mouth shut and
instead slides his hand between them, fingers trailing along the softer skin
below Jensen's belly button.
"Jared--"
Jared cuts Jensen off with another kiss, teeth clashing and scraping and
stifles another moan as he gets his hand on Jensen's dick. Trapping it against
Jensen's belly, he strokes as best he can and only pulls back from the kiss
when Jensen bites at his tongue. He sucks in a breath as Jensen stares down at
him.
"Please," he whispers again, curling his fingers around Jensen's shaft in a
loose fist.
Jensen bucks his hips forward, right along Jared's palm, breathes hot against
Jared's cheek. "Ahh, Jesus."
"Can't be that hard," Jared mutters, tongue flicking out for a light taste of
Jensen's lips. "Just-- just like a popsicle, right? Done that plenty."
Jensen's groan then is coupled with a laugh, though his hips never stop moving,
grinding slow into Jared's hand. Jared can feel the softer skin of Jensen's
balls nudging his fingertips, wonders how they'd feel in his mouth.
"Little-- little more to it than that," Jensen grunts, resting his forehead
against Jared's. Still breathing raggedly, Jensen fumbles a hand up to Jared's
face, trails his fingers over Jared's cheek and down his jaw clumsily before
grabbing hold and slotting their mouths together. It's not exactly a kiss,
mostly just Jensen panting into his mouth, occasionally stealing a taste with a
flick of his tongue as Jared does his best to jerk him, ignoring his own dick,
stiff and aching in his shorts.
And it's good. It's fucking amazing. Jared's never felt more turned on his
life.
But it's still not all he wants.
He breaks the kiss with no warning, ignoring Jensen's quiet, displeased whimper
as he turns his head. Jensen's thumb brushes his bottom lip and Jared opens his
mouth wider, tongue flattened as he sucks it in. Jensen's skin is salty, very
slightly damp with sweat and the faint tang of soap. He feels Jensen jolt in
surprise, thumb instinctively pressing down on Jared's tongue before trying to
slide back out, but Jared bites down with a quiet growl, teeth gently sinking
into the meatier flesh and holding tight.
When Jensen relents, he sucks it in deeper, lets his tongue swirl
experimentally, eyes never leaving Jensen's face. It takes some concentration
and his hand on Jensen's dick falters a little. But Jensen looks completely
transfixed, staring with wide eyes as he pushes his thumb deeper into Jared's
mouth.
Jensen pulls his thumb out a moment later, before Jared can grab hold again,
briefly smearing Jared's chin with his own spit. Jared opens his mouth to
protest, but then Jensen's index finger is there, longer and callused at the
tip and Jared groans around it, tips his head back and sucks it in past the
second knuckle.
"Oh, fuck," Jensen groans, rough and heated, starts slowly sliding it in and
out.
It's completely different from when Jared had his own finger in his mouth and,
even if he still looks stupid, he doesn't care. Doesn't want to stop. He can
feel Jensen getting harder in his grip, his thrusts shorter and rougher as he
fucks Jared's mouth with his finger.
Groaning, Jared laps and swirls his tongue and then opens his mouth wider to
flick his tongue at the web of skin between Jensen's index and middle fingers.
Jensen seems to get the hint and slides in the second finger and that's even
better. Jared's hips rock up as he gets into it, sucking and licking, trying to
show how bad he wants it, how much he wants Jensen's dick instead, how good he
can make it.
"Jared-- Jesus Christ, your mouth."
It's little more than a whisper, strained with Jensen's obvious effort to keep
quiet and Jared feels a swell in his chest: pride and euphoria and pure, heady
arousal. Jensen looks amazing like this, sounds and feels amazing and it's all
because of Jared. Because of what Jared's doing to him.
He feels incredible, powerful and, with a groan, tries to work his other hand
again, squeezing gently, wrist twisting. There's no rhythm to it, no finesse,
but Jensen gasps again, rocks his hips and then shatters, coming hard in
Jared's grip. Wet, warm spurts of jizz coat Jared's hand, land on his stomach
where his shirt has ridden up and Jared's mouth goes slack with shock, eyes
wide as he stares at the pure pleasure coloring Jensen's face.
Jensen's eyes open slowly as he comes back to himself and he blinks down at
Jared. He wiggles his fingers in Jared's mouth and then slowly pulls them free
as Jared carefully releases his dick, his own slick fingers curling around
Jensen's hip as Jensen collapses on top of him.
Still tasting the salt of Jensen's skin, he licks his lips and pulls in a rough
breath. Says, "You weren't supposed to come yet."
Jensen makes a noise, something between a groan and a laugh as he punches
weakly at Jared's side and grumbles, "Fuck you."
Jared hadn't really meant it as a joke; he's genuinely a little disappointed,
but his lips still twitch into a grin and he squirms under Jensen's weight.
"Mmm, you wanna?" he says, only partially teasing as he arches his hips.
Jensen groans again, harsher this time. "God, yeah," he replies, but he sounds
frustrated, shifting slightly as breathes against Jared's neck.
Jared's hand slides down, Jensen's skin slick with sweat as he takes a handful
of Jensen's ass and grinds up against him.
"Do it," he says, part demand and part plea. Jensen's dick is still half hard
between them and Jared knows there's probably some kind of recovery period
involved, but it shouldn't be anything he can't take care of. "I can-- with my
mouth, Jensen. I can get you hard again. Please."
"Fucking Christ," Jensen grunts, teeth sharp against Jared's neck. "You're
really stuck on that, aren't you? You got some kinda oral fixation?"
"I got a you fixation," Jared replies without really thinking and then
immediately realizes how lame that sounds. "Uhm. I mean--"
Jensen's laugh is warm against Jared's neck and Jared's chest goes tight even
as his stomach swoops. "It's okay," Jensen says, pressing a kiss and then
pulling back, tugging lightly at Jared's shirt, which is sticking to his skin
with sweat. "I'm kinda fixated on you, too, you know."
"Oh," Jared says, pulls in a shaky breath as Jensen straddles his hips, starts
pushing Jared's t-shirt up. "Okay, good."
"C'mon," Jensen says, nudging Jared in the side and it takes half a second
longer for Jared's brain to catch up, to realize that Jensen's trying to get
him to take off his shirt.
He hesitates, suddenly nervous that Jensen's going to take one look at his
scrawny, unmuscled body and be disgusted. But Jensen tugs at the fabric again,
says, "Dude, come on. Not fair that I'm the only naked one here," and Jared
reluctantly sits up to struggle out of his shirt.
When he drops back down, Jensen's staring at him, one hand on Jared's bare
side, the other on his stomach, fingers spreading the streaks of Jensen's come
against Jared's skin and Jared feels his whole body go tense all over, starts
chewing on his bottom lip.
But before he can say anything, Jensen shifts and leans down, takes Jared's
right nipple between his teeth.
"Oh, God!" Jared gasps, head falling back as his upper body arches up off the
bed. "What-- what're-- Do that again."
Jensen does, teeth scraping the bundle of nerves and Jared shakes under it,
feels his dick pulse and dribble in his shorts, so hard it borders on painful.
Jensen's tongue flicks out then and Jared jolts again, like there's a direct
line from his nipple to his cock and he buries a hand in Jensen's hair, groans,
"Fuck, Jensen! Please. Please."
The plea earns him another bite, immediately soothed by the broad swipe of
Jensen's tongue before Jensen sits up, chest heaving as he scoots further down
Jared's thighs. Jared shivers as cool air brushes over wet, peaked skin,
staring up, wide-eyed as Jensen's hands peel down the waistband of his shorts,
freeing his dick. It slaps back against his belly, wet at the tip and Jared
fights the impulse to reach down and touch himself, tries to focus on lifting
his hips and kicking the fabric away.
And then Jensen's mouth is on his again, all teeth and tongue, harsh pants and
stilted groans. Jensen's dick presses against his own -- not soft, but not
entirely hard anymore either -- and Jared nearly comes from that alone, fingers
digging into Jensen's arms as he tries to hold off, every nerve and muscle in
his body drawn tight.
"Wait, hang on," Jensen mutters, nipping at his jaw and Jared lets out a quiet,
almost pained whimper as Jensen pulls away to reach for the nightstand. He
nearly falls off in the process, but Jared steadies him with a hand on his
waist, feels his heart jump into his throat as Jensen grabs the condom and tiny
bottle.
"How did you-- where'd you--"
Jared isn't sure why he's asking; he doesn't really care where the stuff came
from. But it's easier to focus on the details than on what's about to happen,
the step he's about to take. Because, holy shit, he's minutes away from having
Jensen inside him.
"Condom's mine," Jensen says, dropping it onto Jared's chest as he snaps open
the bottle. "The lube I stole from your brother."
Jared blinks and then breathes out a laugh, nose wrinkling. "Gross."
Grinning a little, Jensen shrugs. "Desperate times, desperate measures," he
says, drizzling some of the slick into his palm and then setting the bottle
aside before lifting and scooting back down Jared's thighs.
Jared frowns, confused, and raises up a little, only to immediately drop back
down when Jensen wraps his wet hand around Jared's dick.
"Don't come," Jensen whispers and Jared can only whimper in response, grab the
bedding beneath him in tight fists as his toes curl. He feels drawn tight,
ready to snap at any second and Jensen seems to sense it, releasing Jared's
cock with obvious reluctance. His fingers drag over Jared's thighs instead,
thumb lightly brushing his balls, and Jared sucks in a shaky breath, glances
down to see Jensen staring at his dick with wide, hungry eyes.
"Jensen--" Jared gasps, feeling suddenly exposed, feeling small and undeserving
under Jensen's gaze.
"I want you to fuck me," Jensen says, cutting him off.
Jared lets loose a strangled moan and reaches down, squeezing himself hard at
the root. It hurts, his dick so hard he's surprised he hasn't already exploded,
but Jensen's hands on his thighs are oddly soothing.
"Hey, hey, calm down," Jensen whispers. Jared can only whimper in response even
as he pulls in a shaky breath through his nose and lets it out slow, does it
again. "This is your first time, right?" Jensen continues and Jared gives a
single, stilted nod, too far gone to even blush. "Never even with a girl?"
With a soft, weak sound, Jared shakes his head.
"Okay," Jensen says, hands still moving slow and gentle on Jared's skin. "Okay,
that's-- Jesus, Jared, that's so fucking hot."
And Jared doesn't quite get why his complete inexperience is a turn-on, but he
isn't about to question it, not when he can see the way Jensen's dick twitches
between his legs, getting hard all over again.
Jensen reaches for the bottle once more, smears some of the lube over his
fingers, the same ones that had been in Jared's mouth only minutes earlier and
Jared groans, choked and desperate, at the memory, gripping himself tighter.
Still straddling Jared's thighs, Jensen reaches back behind himself, hand
disappearing from view and Jared's gaze darts up to Jensen's face, watches as
Jensen's mouth falls open in a quiet moan.
"Are you--" Jared starts and Jensen gives a quick nod.
"Gotta-- it's been awhile. I haven't--"
"Does it hurt?"
"Mmm," Jensen replies, which isn't really an answer at all, but when Jensen's
face twists into a slight grimace, Jared takes it as a yes. But then he moans
again, low and throaty and Jared has no idea what to think.
"It's-- it's weird," Jensen manages then and Jared notices him rolling his hips
back onto his own fingers. "It's like-- fuck-- it burns at first. Kinda hurts.
But then it's-- it's really good, Jared. God, it's really fucking good."
Jared swallows, mouth sandpaper dry, still staring as Jensen finally pulls his
fingers free, wipes them along the outside of his thigh. Their eyes meet for a
moment and then Jensen licks his lips, flashes him a small grin and starts
crawling forward, knees shoving into Jared's sides and making him let go as
Jensen knocks the condom packet off Jared's chest, doesn't make to pick it back
up again.
"What--" he starts as Jensen lifts and reaches back again, wraps long fingers
around Jared's dick and guides it to himself.
There's nothing smooth about it, the blunt tip of Jared's dick only nudging at
the crease between Jensen's thighs for a long few moments. But then Jensen's
eyebrows furrow in concentration and he rolls his hips back and suddenly
Jared's sliding into an unbelievable, tight, wet heat. He doesn't get far
before Jensen stops, chest heaving and flushed red, glistening with sweat. He
doesn't look like he particularly likes it.
"Jensen," Jared tries to whisper, tries to soothe, but it comes out as more of
a whine and Jensen blinks down at him, gazes locking as he pulls in a breath
and then -- very slowly -- eases back further.
Jared cries out for a second, can't help it, before biting down hard on his
bottom lip. It's like nothing he's ever felt before, not even fucking close,
and it's all he can do not to thrust up and come right there, right that
second. His hands drop to Jensen's thighs, nails digging in as Jensen leans
forward, his hands resting heavy on Jared's chest.
"C'mon," Jensen groans then, rising up slow and then back down with a smooth
roll of his hips.
And, fuck, Jared thought it couldn't get any better, but he was wrong. So, so
wrong. His hips buck up, pure instinct taking over and Jensen groans above him,
shudders as he curls his hands over Jared's chest.
"Yeah," he says, a bead of sweat falling from his chin and landing on Jared's
chest. "Yeah, c'mon, Jay. Fuck me. Fuck me just like that."
No one's called him Jay before, he's always just been Jared or JT, and it
sounds a little weird, jarringly unfamiliar. But not entirely bad. In Jensen's
gravely, pleasure-soaked voice it sounds really really good actually and Jared
bends his legs at the knees, digs his heels into the mattress and thrusts
again, driving in deeper.
It punches a gasp out of Jensen, nails digging harder into Jared's skin and
Jared does it once more, just once, and comes, nearly whiting out from the
force of it, his entire body shuddering as he empties into Jensen's ass.
"Jared... oh fuck, Jared, yeah. God, yeah."
Jensen's not stopping, slowly pressing back and then rolling forward as Jared
falls apart completely, Jared's dick still hard inside him, pulsing with each
spurt of come. And then Jensen's dropping down further, sweaty fingers on
Jared's sweaty neck and Jensen's mouth prying his lips open, tongue slipping in
with no warning, breathing and licking into him.
He feels weightless and utterly blissed out, pinned down only by Jensen's hips
and his mouth, by damp skin and lean, beautiful muscle.
"You still want--" Jensen grunts, panting harshly and nipping at Jared's mouth,
"still wanna suck me?"
"Yes," Jared whines, still jolting with every rock of Jensen's hips. He doesn't
know how he can possibly manage it right now, doesn't think he'll ever be able
to move again after this but, fuck does he want.
"God, Jared," Jensen breathes, stretching out his name on a groan and then
easing up, bringing a shock of cool air wafting across Jared's dick.
Then Jensen's knees are in his armpits and all Jared can do is reach up to grab
Jensen's waist, holding on as he stares up the long length of Jensen's body,
cock standing tall, dripping at the tip. Jared's mouth waters. And then Jensen
grabs the headboard and leans forward, one hand reaching down to guide his dick
to Jared's mouth, muscles shuddering under Jared's hands as he smears Jared's
bottom lip with precome.
Jared flicks his tongue out, right along the slit. Jensen tastes salty and
unsurprisingly bitter, but there's a very slight undercurrent of sweetness and
Jared leans up for more, tongue catching just under the crown before sliding up
over the purpled head.
Jensen shudders again, still holding himself by the shaft until Jared grips his
hips and, pulls him in. And then Jensen's dick is invading his mouth, sliding
slow along the flat of his tongue and bumping the roof of his mouth before
easing back again. Jared seals his lips around Jensen and breathes in sharply
through his nose, trying for more, already addicted to the silky-smooth feel of
Jensen's cock in his mouth, the way it fills him up, the way it makes Jensen
whine and whimper and go tense all over.
He can't take much, Jensen's dick once pushing far enough to make him gag and
pull off, Jensen whispering rough apologies before Jared starts lapping at his
length, tracing a vein up to the tip and sucking him back in again. He has his
lips wrapped tight around the head, tongue swirling greedily when Jensen drops
a hand to Jared's head, fingers tangled in his hair as snaps his hips forward
just once before pulsing and coming hot and bitter in Jared's mouth.
It shocks him, makes him open his mouth in a quiet gasp, jizz trickling down
his throat and past his lips, messy and warm. He tries to swallow some of it,
the taste heavy and not entirely unpleasant, but most of it seems to end up on
his chin, smearing against his cheek when Jensen eases out, stroking himself
still, pulling out the last few strings of his completion.
"Oh my god," Jensen groans a moment later, eyes wide and dark as he brushes the
tip of his dick through his own come, smearing it further on Jared's chin and
across his cheek.
Jared slowly eases his hold on Jensen's hips and pulls in a shaky breath.
Impossibly, he can already feel himself getting hard again, just from having
Jensen in his mouth, but he's still somehow off balance, shaken by his own
pleasure. Jensen's come is already cooling on his skin, starting to get sticky
and he reaches a hand up to wipe some of it off.
With a grunt, Jensen catches his wrist, grumbles, "Wait."
And then Jensen's dropping down onto him again, making Jared wheeze out a
breath of a laugh at the sudden weight. The sound dies off into a groan,
though, when he feels Jensen's mouth on his jaw, sucking and licking Jared's
face clean with a greedy tongue.
Still, Jared can't quite help another laugh as Jensen's tongue slicks across
his cheek and he turns his head quick, finds Jensen's mouth with his own and
pushes in for a demanding kiss, licking the taste of Jensen's come right back
out of him. It's sloppy at first, rough and uncoordinated and then Jensen
groans and eases it into something slower and deeper, his tongue tracing along
Jared's teeth, flicking over the roof of his mouth and sucking at his tongue.
It lasts for hours, maybe days, makes Jared's lips tingle and start to go numb,
but he doesn't stop. Doesn't ever want to stop. He's pretty sure he could spend
the rest of his life attached to Jensen's mouth and be perfectly, utterly
happy.
When it finally ends, Jensen pulling away with a soft breath and a softer,
lighter kiss to Jared's upper lip, it's all Jared can do not to lean up for
more.
But Jensen holds him still with a hand to his chest, ducks to kiss at Jared's
throat and down his neck.
"Are we--" Jared starts and then gasps as Jensen's teeth scrape his collarbone.
He swallows and licks his lips before trying again. "Are we done?"
Jensen's laugh is warm and thrilling, a low vibration against Jared's chest
that rumbles straight down to his crotch. "You kiddin'?" he murmurs, smiling
against Jared's throat. "We still got a perfectly good condom to use."
And Jared groans, dick thickening between his thighs as Jensen kisses a slow
line down Jared's sternum.
:::
His room smells awful the next morning, the scent of sweat and spunk heavy and
cloying.
With a groan, Jared rolls out of bed and struggles into a pair of boxer shorts
before yanking open his window. The air outside is fresh and crisp and Jared
shivers as he wraps his arms around himself and drops back, registers for the
first time that he feels sore all over. Arms and abs and legs. Neck. Even his
dick is still a little tender.
When he shivers again, it's not from the cold.
Taking a quick glance around his room, he notices that there's no real evidence
of the night before, aside from maybe his sheets being more messed up than
normal. And the flaky crust of dried come on his skin. But Jensen's clothes are
gone, along with Jensen himself and the bottle of lube. There's no sign of the
soiled condom either and Jared wrinkles his nose at the thought of Jensen
taking care of that, though he is a little curious as to what exactly Jensen
did with it.
He drops down onto the edge of his bed, the sheets cool underneath him and
doesn't move for a long while, replaying the previous night over and over in
his mind. He mulls over the details, struggling to remember every word Jensen
had said and exactly how he'd said them, tries not to wonder if he'll ever
again hear Jensen's voice after today.
A sharp rap at his door knocks him out of his daze and he jumps slightly,
shoots a panicked glance at the window as the door opens.
"Dude, your room fucking reeks!"
Jared feels his face flush and he shoots a glare at his brother. "I didn't say
you could come in!"
"What, did you just spend the entire night jerking off in here? Jesus."
"Jeff! Ugh, what do you want?"
"Oh man, that's priceless," Jeff says, ignoring the question. "Did did your
dick fall off? 'Cause I can tell you it sure as hell smells that way."
"Jesus, Jeff, shut up!" Jared shouts, humiliation and anger flooding hot
through his veins.
Jeff only smirks and, if Jared didn't know any better, he'd think his brother
almost looks proud of him. Which is a little disturbing, all things considered,
Jared thinks.
"Seriously, what do you want?" he grumbles when Jeff still says nothing.
"I just came in here to give you shit while I still can," Jeff says with a
shrug. "Jensen and I are packin' up, 'bout to head out. Gotta get my kicks in
one last time, right?"
Jared feels all the anger rush out of him then, replaced by a sudden cold that
has nothing to do with the open window. "Wait, you're leaving? Right now?"
"Pretty soon, yeah. You know how Mom is, we'll probably be out in the driveway
for an hour before she finally lets go."
"Oh."
Again, Jeff's lips twitch into a smirk and he steps in. Jared manages to not
pull away when his brother drops an arm over his shoulder, tugs him in. "Aww,
you're gonna miss me, ain't you? That's sweet. Never knew you cared so much,
little bro."
Scowling slightly, Jared shoves him away. "Fuck off. Gonna miss you doin' the
dish duty, maybe. Jerk."
Jeff laughs and ruffles Jared's hair before Jared can duck away. "Take a
fucking shower, would you?" he says as he turns to leave. "You smell like a
porn star's ass."
:::
He stands outside a half an hour later with the rest of his family, shivering
as Jensen and Jeff finish loading up Jeff's car.
His hair's still wet from his shower and his cheeks are red from the cold, but
he hardly feels it. His focus is entirely on Jensen, watching his every move as
he helps Jeff toss their bags in the trunk and backseat, shifting things around
some to make them fit. Sometimes he catches Jensen sneaking a glance back at
him in return, but it's never for very long, Jensen always looking away again
before Jared can get a good read.
"Promise me you won't let yourself get too distracted by all those parties out
there," his mother says, tugging Jeff close by the front of his jacket as he
rolls his eyes.
"Yes, Momma."
"Or the girls. I remember college girls, Jeffrey Padalecki. I was one once upon
a time."
Jeff wrinkles his nose slightly at that and his mother grins, goes up on her
tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek. "No, I know you're a good boy," she
says, curling her hand in his. "But I'm your mother, I never stop worrying."
"You check the oil on that thing recently?" his father butts in, nodding over
at the car.
"Yesterday, yeah," Jeff replies. "Tires, too. It's good to go."
"They're doin' some construction out on 37," Dad continues. "Might wanna just
bypass it and get straight onto 35. Save you some time."
"And drive careful," his mother adds, Jeff's hand still clutched in hers as she
looks up at him with warm eyes. "I know how you like to speed, but please just
be careful. Okay?"
"Yes, Momma, I will."
Jared starts tuning them out right about then, especially when Jensen nudges in
a little closer, hands shoved in his pockets and nose slightly pink. It's the
closest they've been since the night before and Jared can see dark circles
under his eyes, exhaustion evident in his warm, but weary smile.
"So, hey," he says, keeping his voice down as their elbows brush. "It was, uhm.
It was good to meet you."
Jared knows Jensen's choosing his words carefully, making them bland and almost
formal in case anyone happens to overhear. He knows, but he doesn't like it and
he's pretty sure the pained smile he gives Jensen in reply says as much.
"Yeah. You, too. It was-- you should come back and visit sometime."
Jensen gives a nod and then ducks his head, smiling down at the ground as he
scratches the back of his neck. Jared's stomach lurches and he rocks on his
feet, struggling against the impulse to reach out and pull Jensen into one last
kiss.
"Yeah, I might. Maybe Spring Break or somethin'. We'll see."
"Yeah," Jared says for lack of anything better. He feels like they're speaking
in code and he's afraid of misinterpreting, of getting his hopes up, of seeing
too much in so little and having his heart crushed.
They fall into an awkward silence and Jared pretends to be listening to the
further warnings and pieces of advice his parents are heaping on his brother.
His Mom thinks Jeff should join the school's newspaper, but Jeff wants to try
out for the lacrosse team in the spring. It's a familiar argument. Almost as
familiar as the one his dad has about Jeff's class choices.
When he feels Jensen's elbow knock against his again, he thinks it's just an
accident, though he still relishes the small touch. But then Jensen's tugging
at his coat sleeve and Jared glances over to see Jensen holding out a piece of
paper, folded into a small square. There's no writing on the outside, not even
his name, but Jensen gives him a small smile as Jared slips it into his pocket,
says, "You know, if you ever wanna talk sometime. 'Bout whatever," and Jared
holds it tight in his grip, entire body suddenly toasty warm.
By the time Jeff and Jensen are rolling out of the driveway half an hour later,
Jared's worn down a corner of the paper with the pad of his thumb. And, when
the car eases out onto the street and Jensen smiles and waves from the
passenger side window, Jared knows down to his bones that it's all for him.
end.
End Notes
     Okay, uhm. This entire fic was basically written and edited over the
     course of just one week. Which is... really kind of insane for me;
     I'm usually lucky if I can crank out 1000 words in one day, much less
     4000. However, apparently, Jared Padalecki's adorable face is awfully
     inspiring and fayemeadows is a demanding bitch helpful friend who
     basically threw out a genius fic idea I couldn't turn down. And also
     flailed, encouraged, and outright TOLD me what to write through the
     whole process. This fic (like almost everything else I've written
     lately) is all her fault.
     Of course, about halfway through writing this, it occurred to me that
     this premise felt awfully familiar. That would be because
     keepaofthecheez wrote it about two years ago in her there's_a_piece
     of_the_puzzle_known_as_life. Obviously, there are quite a few
     differences between her fic and mine, but the general premise is
     still very very similar so, in a way, this is something of an
     accidental remix. Er, whoops? Please, if you haven't read hers yet,
     you really must! Hers has CHAD, man. Can't beat that!
     Also! In the scene where Jared and Jensen argue, Jared mentions that
     being gay is illegal in Texas. I know that currently, this is not
     true. However, this fic takes place in 1997 and same-sex sodomy was
     indeed illegal until Lawrence_vs._Texas in 2003. I do realize this
     doesn't technically mean homosexuality was illegal, but I imagine a
     fifteen year old kid would easily make the connection of sexual act =
     sexual orientation. The statement really wasn't meant to stereotype
     Texas in any way and I do hope I didn't offend anyone with its
     inclusion.
     Aaaand, yeah, I think that's it. This is pretty much the PORNIEST
     thing I've ever written and I still feel a little bit dirty. But it
     was fun! (Thankfully, I accepted my one-way ticket to hell quite a
     long time ago.)
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