Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/14069589. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: F/M Fandom: Star_Wars_Sequel_Trilogy, Star_Wars_-_All_Media_Types Relationship: Rey_&_Ben_Solo_|_Kylo_Ren, Armitage_Hux/Rey, Kylo_Ren/Rey Character: Rey_(Star_Wars), Ben_Solo_|_Kylo_Ren, Armitage_Hux Additional Tags: Modern_AU, High_School_AU, Growing_Up_Together, Secret_Frindship, Secret Relationship, Unhealthy_Coping_Mechanisms, Unhealthy_Relationships, PTSD, Mental_Illness, Depression, Suicidal_Thoughts, Drug_Addict_Parents, Drug Use, Underage_Drug_Use, Underage_Drinking, Dealing_With_Trauma, Mentions of_past_abuse, Angst, A_LOT_of_Angst, Brat!Rey, Selfish_Rey, Shitty_Rey, soft_boi_solo, Tags_May_Change, lots_of_talk_of_suicide, Major Depression, Intrusive_Thoughts, this_is_not_a_happy_fic, I'm_gonna_try and_get_you_to_a_happy_ending_butttt, This_fic_will_likely_be_triggering, hopefully_ultimately_it_will_be_healing Stats: Published: 2018-03-23 Updated: 2018-03-26 Chapters: 3/15 Words: 4844 ****** A Treehouse Covered in Salt ****** by violethoure666 Summary High school senior Rey Johnson has lived next door to Ben Solo her whole life. The two could not be more different and at school, Rey wouldn't be caught dead in his presence. That doesn't stop her from sneaking out to their treehouse every night. Despite her unwillingness to be friends with Ben in the light of day, he has always been there with her in the darkness. Notes See the end of the work for notes ***** Flat Tire ***** March 2005 Five year old Rey Johnson was in love with Ben Solo. He was five too but he was taller than her, which seemed fine since she was faster and better at coloring. Ben was her best friend and he lived right next door to her. Her bedroom even faced his so if they moved the curtains back at the same time they could make faces at each other.   One day she figured they would have their own house, once they were married. She was definitely going to marry Ben Solo. Ben was lucky because his house always had a lot of food and his mom was always putting out snacks. Rey's mom never put out snacks, she usually had cereal for dinner and for breakfast but Leia made sandwiches and pancakes and pasta and she always let Rey come eat too. Ben also had so many toys. He had swords and he had nerf guns and a GameCube and things she had only ever seen on TV. But even better than all of the toys was Ben himself, he was always sneaking around finding cool things and coming up with the craziest games and challenges and always let her pick which truck she wanted first. He was Rey's favorite person in the entire world.   September 2016 It was cold, colder than it should be in mid September, but Rey thought it was fitting. Summer was over, school started again tomorrow. What a nightmare. She pulled her jean jacket closer around her. She had just put boots and a jacket on over her pajamas, like she always did at night. Her house backed up against a giant wood, and about 30 yards into it was The Treehouse. It was very nice, as far as treehouses went. Han Solo had built it himself almost a decade ago for a tiny Rey and and Ben. It was craftsman style with real shingles and the wood was stained dark and beautiful and it had skylights that opened up to the stars and closed water tight when it rained. If it had wifi, Rey would have lived in it. It had definitely aged over the years, but it was built well to withstand water damage to stay warm in the winter and to let a breeze catch on a hot day. Ben was already inside when she got there. He was lounging on the soft, waterproof mattress on the floor, something they had stolen from a rich neighbors giant pool chair, all legs and long dark hair a smirk. On one wall there was a shelf filled with tools and flashlights, an ancient stereo and and milk crates full of odds and ends. Battery powered Christmas lights adorned every inch of the ceiling, bathing the wood in soft golden light. There were laminated posters on the walls, pictures they had fought over years ago, a young Justin Bieber winking next to some slutty looking pin up girl with giant tits. "Did you bring weed?" Rey asked. "What, you think I just wanted to hang out with you? Like, sober?" Ben's face scrunched up. "Shut up Solo," Rey said, sitting down on the mattress. Ben shrugged and pulled out a joint. Rey reached for it but he held it out of her grasp. "My grass, my greens," he said. She rolled her eyes. She wasn't sure why they did this still. They had started sneaking out to The Treehouse when they were about ten. It was easy for Rey, whose mother always drank herself into a heavy sleep by 8pm. Ben had to wait longer sometimes. Now it hardly mattered, if either of them wanted to go for a pre bedtime walk, no one would argue. She didn't have to come out here to get stoned even, she could have blown it out the window, but still, she always did. It was the only time she ever spent with Ben anymore. Ben took a long drag on the joint, holding his breath as he asked her, "How's your asshole boyfriend?"   Rey smiled sweetly, taking the joint from Ben. "Aww, he's wonderful, still quarterback of the football team." Ben rolled his eyes. He was in regular clothes, dark skinny jeans and a black hoodie and heavy motorcycle boots. "And what would Cedar Grove High's star Quarterback Armitage Hux say if he knew his girlfriend was doing drugs with resident creep Ben Solo?" "That weed isn't even a drug, and then he would probably dump me." Ben looked disgusted. He took another drag and said, "I don't get what you see in him." Rey didn't really have an answer. Hux wasn't nice, he wasn't even smart or interesting, but he was there and he was popular and dating him meant Rey was envied and that people looked up to her and she was a sucker for that validation and attention. "I'm sure you don't," Rey said. She passed the joint back to Ben, his fingers barely grazing over her skin but she pulled her hand back anyway. He pretended not to notice. "How's your mom?" He asked. Rey hummed. "Not great. But not terrible. I think she's holding steady for right now. I just need her to keep it together for a few more months." Ben nodded. "After your birthday they can't make you leave again, right?" Rey closed her eyes. "Right." Ben was quiet. Rey got up and went over to the stereo. It was battery powered, it played mostly cassettes (since they could buy them for five cents at the local thrift store) but had a space for CDs too. Rey looked at the CDs, found an old Nirvana CD, and popped it in. It was in Utero, darker and more melodic than Nevermind, but still upbeat enough to keep her mind from spiraling into thoughts about her mom. She put on Dumb, pressed song repeat, and sank back down next to Ben. He passed her the joint wordlessly and then dug around in his backpack, he pulled out a whole bag of cookies. Rey's stomach twisted, she had skipped dinner again, finding the cabinets absolutely bare and her bike tire flat. She smiled at Ben, taking the bag and pulling out a cookie. Chocolate chip. Her favorite.   "Hey can you drive me to school tomorrow? Bikes flat," she said. "You want me to drop you off up the block like last time." Rey's stomach twisted. He didn't even sound mad about it, that was the thing. It was like Ben agreed with Rey that being seen together would be more Hell than it was worth, that it was a form of social suicide for Rey and attention he didn't want anyway for Ben. Still, part of her wished he would... She didn't know. "Yeah," she said. Ben nodded. They sat in silence, listening to Kurt sing about happiness, and Rey remembered that he was never actually able to find it. She met Ben outside at 7:30 the next morning. He drove a shitty 2006 Honda Civic and Rey rolled the window down so she could smoke a cigarette on the way to school. Ben didn't care, he did it too. "Don't forget to drop me--" "A block away, yeah I know, Jesus Rey you're ridiculous." And there it was, that hint of something else in his voice. It made Rey cut her eyes to him and then away. He pulled over two blocks from school and she got out. "Thanks," she said. Ben pulled away without saying anything to her. Rey sighed and dug her headphones out, pressing them into her ears before finishing the walk to school. She let her thoughts slip, just a little. It was like cracking open a door. The Ben Door, all the memories of Ben shoved in and locked up but still sometimes they slipped out. Holding hands while watching tv when they were seven. Ben giving her his popsicle when she dropped hers in the grass and taking the one covered in dirt for himself. Ben's silhouette moving behind the thin curtain of his bedroom, arms stretching up. She shut the door. Rey took a deep breath, and walked into Cedar Grove High School. Hux was really the worst kind of dude. Rey figured this made her the worst kind of girl because she put up with it, pretended to like it even. But being with Hux was easy, it required no brainpower, no real emotion. She could forget about her mom, she could forget about the past couple years completely, keeping up the ruse that she had spent six months with her estranged father in Europe. Hux didn't give enough of a shit about Rey's life to ever pry. It was easy, her friends were vapid and stupid and she could easily be that too, liked it even. Hux was tall and he had red hair and a sexy smile even if it was a little unpleasant looking and he kissed Rey hungrily before throwing an arm around her and heading off down the hall. Rey saw Ben by his new locker, mentally tagged the location, 223b, and let her eyes fall from his just as he noticed her watching. Effortlessly, she was laughing at something Hux said and then he was out of her line of sight. That night was somehow even colder than the last, and Rey broke out her winter coat. It seemed ridiculous to need it in September, but it was definitely dropping below 40. She watched her breath gather in little white clouds as she wandered out to the woods. The lights in The Treehouse were on. Ben was sitting there with sandwiches. She felt like such an ass for this morning. For the last year. Three years. "You didn't have to do that," she said, slipping down to sit next to him. He just watched her, deep brown eyes narrow in his angular face. Ben was a self proclaimed weirdo, he isolated himself from people and he was always reading Kafka or Camus and glaring at people but under that he wasn't bad looking. His face was... interesting. He had pouty lips and a long nose and lots of moles like backward stars on pale skin. He always looked so intense, Rey couldn't look him in the eye for long. She couldn't keep it together if he was looking at her like that. "I had lunch at school," she said defensively. "I have money too just, busted bike. I'm working shifts at Nino's pizza, they feed me there too." Ben nodded, still watching her closely until she picked up a sandwich and took a bite. Only when her mouth was full did he turn away and pack a bowl. They ate food and smoked weed and listened to The White Stripes without talking much.   When it was getting late, they walked back to their houses together. "Do you want a ride tomorrow?" Ben asked. "No," Rey said quickly, remembering her guilt this morning. She couldn't deal with it again right now, also couldn't just roll up in Ben's car. Ben just nodded and turned around to go inside. It was a long walk to school, but Rey would wake up early. It was for the best. ***** Blood in the Dirt ***** Chapter Notes Ahh I love you guys so much. I couldn't do this without help from @black-lodge and @friendlyneighborhoodroomfriend and @a_little_hope you guys are wonderful thanks for supporting and editing and brainstorming with me. See the end of the chapter for more notes June 2007 School had just let out for summer and Rey was done with third grade. Han had told them he was planning a surprise for her and Ben, and Rey was positively buzzing with curiosity. When he had taken them back into the woods and showed them a pile of wood, Rey was initially let down. She had been expecting toys. “What is it?” she asked. “Well, right now it's just a pile of wood, but when we're done with it, you two will have your very own treehouse.” Ben let out a delighted laugh and they both started jumping around excitedly. “I know, I know, but listen, kids, we have our work cut or for us. Are you ready to get serious?” Ben and Rey nodded enthusiastically, eager to show they were willing to work. And work they did. Han set them to waterproofing and staining wood, giving them little masks to wear so they didn't breathe in the paint fumes. They handed him tools and even got to use hammers. They spent a full month that summer working on it. Han was an expert carpenter and he cut and assembled with grace and artistry.   One afternoon, Rey and Ben snuck back to play with the unfinished house without Han and Leia knowing. Rey had cut her hand on a saw and both she and Ben panicked that they would be in trouble. Ben had looked resolute, serious in a way that no other eight year old ever looked. He walked up to the saw and cut his hand too. “Come on, follow me,” they crept underneath the half finished tree house and Ben took her bloody hand in his, she winced and tears sprung to her eyes as their mixed blood dropped into the dirt. “It's okay, I know it hurts, but look, now we're a part of the ground here. Everything that grows is gonna have part of us in it.” Rey's eyes widened. She never thought about things the way Ben did, would have never even considered putting a part of herself into this place in this way. Ben was always so clever, so much smarter than she was. She nodded. “Okay,” she said, and she watched the ground swallow up their blood.   When the Treehouse was finally finished, lights were brought in and crates to hold toys like squirt guns and footballs and jump ropes. They had small plastic chairs and a table with markers and paper. It was a dream. Rey couldn't believe it was hers. She ran to Han, pushing her face into his stomach and cried as she thanked him. When she pulled back his eyes were soft and full of love. “You earned it, kid. Take good care of it.” Rey promised she would.   October 2016 When Rey told Hux she was a virgin she had hoped to slow down his wandering hands. She hated being touched in public, but she tolerated it because he liked showing off that she was his. That was part of the deal. They were in the cafeteria, bunched around their usual table with the usual crew. The two of them plus Rose and Paige Tico, Derek Mitaka and Gwen Phasma. Hux had his hands all over Rey and she was trying her best to look like she was enjoying herself. Her eyes found Ben across the room. He was eating alone, like usual. Sometimes he ate with his friend Poe, when Poe wasn't off making out with his boyfriend Finn. Most days it was just Ben. He was already watching her, his expression dark. Rey had the fleeting feeling that she had just been caught doing something wrong, and almost pulled away before crushing the feeling down and looking away from Ben. Hux pulled her into a hungry kiss and she tried her best to kiss him back. He was oblivious to her discomfort, as always. Ben got up from his seat and Rey had another surge of emotion wondering if he was coming over to say something, but he had his eyes forward and he wasn't paying any attention to them. Hux, however, had caught his gaze on Ben. “Solo!” Hux yelled. Ben looked over at them. Rey's stomach dropped. “You're looking especially school shooter-esque today. Got any big plans we should know about?” Gwen started laughing. Ben looked at Rey. Rey looked away. Ben just shook his head, his expression annoyed and haughty, and kept walking. “That guy is a such a mega creep, he's going to be a virgin until the day he dies,” Hux said. “Oh like you're one to talk,” Gwen said teasingly. “When is Rey gonna let you pop her cherry?” Hux wiggled his pale eyebrows at her. Rey felt her face redden and busied herself with eating her pizza. It had gone cold.     Rey caught Ben alone after 5th period. She glanced up and down the hall but it was empty. “Ben,” she said. He turned to look at her. The collar of his black shirt was loose and she could see the dip of his throat give way to sturdy collarbones. He was just watching her. “I'm sorry about Hux. He’s...” She trailed off. “Yeah. He is. That's why I don't really care about what he says.” Rey felt her shoulders drop with relief. “I guess,” Ben went on, “I should start thinking about you the same way.” Rey felt herself blanch. “Ben I--” She turned at the sound of someone coming down the hall. “Better run,” Ben said, leaning close to her, eyes sharp and dark. “Wouldn't want you getting caught here with me.” He turned and walked away.     That night Rey waited for Ben at the Treehouse. He never showed up. After an hour she was resigned to the fact that he wasn't coming, so she packed a bowl and put in a CD and allowed her mind wander to Ben. She remembered him here, so many version of him evolving alongside her. Playing card games and Connect Four and bringing comic books up here. The first time they stole a bottle of wine and got drunk. Endless nights Rey lived here and hid from home. The Ben Door was open. She felt so bad about what happened at lunch, with Hux’s words ringing in her ears. He’ll be a virgin until the day he dies. Rey couldn't help it, her mind slipped and she remembered. Ben, his mouth against hers, eager and breathless. The feel of his ribs under his skin, the dark trail of hair low on his stomach. Here, on this mattress, his weight heavy on her, his little gasps against her ear as he pushed inside of her. Rey was shaking. She stood up and paced. There was a reason she didn't let herself remember these things, but it was easier when she had Ben there to remind her of the chasm between them. Now it was too much; missing him, knowing he was angry with her, always angry with her, that every moment felt like the last straw. And yet he always came back. A voice in her head said not tonight. Not anymore. Rey tried to slow her breathing down, she curled up on the crappy mattress with her fists balled tight and eventually, hours later, she fell asleep.   Chapter End Notes Please let me know what you think, your comments mean SOOO much to me. ***** Just Open the Door ***** Chapter Notes See the end of the chapter for notes October 2016 Rey hadn't spoken to Ben in four days. She knew that if she wanted to talk to him, she was going to have to say sorry. She hated saying sorry, and really, wasn't this better? Wasn't this what she wanted? She had been waiting for Ben to finally be fed up with her, to stop looking at her like he was looking inside of her. She wasn't going to talk to him. It turned out she didn't have to. Ben tracked her down in the hall during third period. Rey hated math; she always asked to use the bathroom halfway through class to break up the tedious lecture, and she found Ben waiting for her, leaning against the lockers, looking tall and dark and intense. “Rey,” he said, voice low. “Ben? What's wrong?” Rey felt a surge of panic. “Nothing, no, it's not that, it's just... I saw your mom this morning.” Rey felt the color leave her face. She knew how bad her mom looked, skeletal and sallow, sores on her mouth and hands. She looked terrifying. “It's not--it's not that bad,” Rey said. Ben pushed his body off the lockers. Suddenly he was close to her, chest just inches from her own. Rey stopped breathing. His eyes were so bright, and so dark. She had expected to find them flinty and cold, but they were soft, pleading. “Rey, please talk to me.” “I have it under control, I swear Ben, I do.” She meant it. Bens gaze was boring down into her. Suddenly he reached out, tucking her hair back behind her ear. His fingers warm against her cheek. She reminded herself to breathe. “Please don't shut me out, Rey, god, just stop… stop this. Please?” His lip trembled a little on the last word. Rey took a deep breath, snapped her heart shut. “I don't know what you're talking about Ben,” she said cooly. “I have to go back to class.” Rey backed away from Ben and headed back into math. She would take calculus over Ben’s face, over his words. Please. Rey skipped after fifth period and went home early. Ben’s words were echoing in her mind, the phantom touch of his fingers across her cheek. She biked home quickly. Even though Ben said nothing had happened, her anxiety had spiked uncomfortably and all she could think abou was checking on her mom. The wind was cold on her face, tiny pinpricks, even the air was on edge. Rey stopped in front of her house. The house was old. It had belonged to her grandparents before they died and she had lived in it her whole life. Slowly it had started to fall apart--the sideboard was cracked and the all the knobs were loose and the ceiling leaked-- but Rey was grateful for it. The house was paid off in full, and it meant they never had to worry about losing it. Rey had rushed home, biking so fast her thighs burned, but she couldn't open the door. She reminded herself that nothing happened. Ben just saw her mom, the way she always looked these days, she wasn't going to find her dead on the floor, needle in her arm. That wasn't what this was. Still, she was terrified. She went inside. “Mom?” Her voice was high and and shaky. Strong afternoon light was pouring in through the thin curtains, her mom was lying on the couch, unmoving. “Mom?” Rey said again, pushing her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered open. “Hey baby,” she said. Rey sighed with relief. Her mother, Sarah Johnson, had been one of the most beautiful women in the world when she was young. Well, not just when she was young. When she was healthy. She was still young, not even 35, but she looked older. She looked delicate, veins heavy in her thin arms, eyes hooded. “I got food yesterday, can I make you something? A sandwich? Pasta?” Rey asked. “M’not hungry baby,” she said, closing her eyes again. Maury was on TV; a woman was crying. Rey went into the kitchen and made spaghetti anyway.   February 2011 Rey’s mom never did anything special for her birthday. They'd never had a party or anything like that, but Han and Leia would always take her and Ben out for dinner. This year was no different, and they had treated her to steak and fries and ice cream and Rey was supremely happy. Ben and Leia had been talking about something called Arab Spring and how there was a revolution. “It's all coming from the youth, Rey, they're just kids a little older than us. They're saying no more, taking a stand!” Ben was so excited about it. He and Leia used words like Syria and Gaddafi and regime change. Han rolled his eyes and made a face at Rey which made her burst out laughing. She was so thankful for Han. Ben was so smart. She nodded along with the things he said, but she had no concept of geopolitics, being only twelve and having no cable. It made her feel better that Han seemed lost also. If Han and Leia could make it work, maybe Ben would still like her even though she wasn't as smart as he was. Maybe.   They got back to the house after dinner, it was already dark and cold and she went to head inside but Ben grabbed her hand and said, “I have a surprise for you.” He led her out into his backyard. There was a brand new bike, complete with a bow. Her old bike had gotten far too small, and this was a real bike, with gears and handbrakes. She spun around, Han and Leia had gone inside, she would have to thank them tomorrow. “This is for me?” she asked in disbelief. “Yeah, of course,” Ben said. No one had ever given her anything like this. It was so useful--so expensive. Rey looked at Ben. He was taller than her now by a few inches, lanky and awkward and adorable and Rey threw her arms around his neck, standing on her toes. Before she could chicken out, she pressed a kiss to his smooth cheek. When she pulled back, Ben’s ears were red. “Thank you,” she said. Ben shrugged but he was smiling, and he helped Rey walk the new bike into her yard.   October 2016 Rey worked four nights a week at Nino’s pizza. It was enough money for food and the electric bill and the occasional thing she needed to buy. Rey had been exhausted after this afternoon after the combined emotional weight of Ben's words and her mother’s eyes and steeling herself to open her own front door. Her shift dragged on, her feet aching, and the bike ride home was freezing and a little damp. Rey slipped into thick flannel pants and a hoodie as soon as she was home, and then she pulled the curtain back on her window. Ben had his curtains pulled back too; he was in bed reading. She leaned on the windowsill, watching him. As if sensing her presence, Ben looked up from his book. Rey froze, but she didn't back away. He held her eyes for a moment before looking down and busying himself with his phone. Rey swallowed, moving away from the window. Her phone buzzed. Ben meet me in ten? Rey felt a surge of relief, and then a bite guilt. She texted back quickly Rey okay Ben it’s rly cold dress warm. Rey i will Rey slipped leggings on under her flannel pants and pulled out her winter coat and a beanie and boots. Ben was waiting for her right outside, a small battery powered space heater in his hand. They walked back to the Treehouse in the silence. The woods were a living thing sometimes, Rey could feel them breathing. Ben turned the space heater on and Rey turned on the lights and the small space was suddenly warmer and glowing. Rey sat down on the mattress, Ben put on a Hozier CD and sank down next to her. “Are you okay?” He asked her, voice soft. Rey shook her head. Ben was the only person who knew the truth about her mom, about where she had been for all those months. “I just need her to hold it together for a little longer. I'm almost 18. They won't be able to send me away after that; I can choose to stay and help her. But I don't know if she’ll make it that long without… something bad happening. Ben, I can't go away again.” It was more honest words than Rey normally spoke. It burned her throat. This was a bad idea, for so many reasons. She should have said no, she should have just-- “Hey, look at me.” Rey turned her face toward Ben. He was beautiful, sharp in the low light, the pale column of his throat and the milky skin his face a stark contrast to both his hair and the rest of his body, all covered in black. “Rey, please, just tell me what happened.” Rey closed her eyes. She couldn't do this. “Ben,” she started and she took in a shuddering breath. He sounded desperate. “I just wanna help you, let me fight this with you, stop pushing me away. Just talk to me, tell me, Rey, please just tell me what happened.” Rey's breath was too quick, the music too dark, Ben too close. She could feel the dam inside of her breaking. “Please don't do this,” she said. “I can't, please don't ask me to do this.” She was shaking now. Ben's face broke. He was shaking his head. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, come here, it's okay,” he said. Rey debated staying still, knew it wasn't an option, and moved closer to him, sliding down so her head was in his lap. She felt his large hand come up and push through her hair. “It's okay, you're okay, I’m sorry.” He sounded wrecked. Rey felt tears on her face, quiet and hot. “You're okay, Rey. You're always safe here.” Rey felt her breathing steady and her heart rate slow, soothed by the rhythmic motion of Ben’s hand in her hair. Nothing was okay, least of all Rey, but she was in the Treehouse, and Ben wasn't mad at her, and those small mercies were enough to let her drift into sleep.      Chapter End Notes This is such a healing piece for me, I hope you guys love it like I do. Please tell me what you think, your feedback is so important to me and keeps me writing. End Notes Okay. Hey guys. This is heavy stuff. This is an exercise in healing for me. There will be dark themes throughout this whole thing. I will try to tag what I think needs to be tagged without giving away too much. If there are tags I don't want to include in the main tag section, I will let you know and tuck them into end notes. I hope you guys enjoy this, please, please let me know what you think. Title is from Treehouse by FIN If you don't follow me on tumblr, please do! r-e-a-l-m-a-t-h.tumblr.com Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!