Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/289967.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      Mom/Dave_Strider
  Character:
      Dave_Strider, Mom_(Homestuck), John_Egbert, Rose_Lalonde, Jade_Harley,
      Bro_(Homestuck)
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-12-07 Updated: 2011-12-11 Chapters: 9/? Words: 15459
****** A Taste of Time ******
by Nevermind
***** Strider *****
"The food?"
"What?" Dave snapped to attention, glancing sideways at Rose from behind his
shades.
"Forgive me for interrupting your ogling at John, but I was inquiring if you
were enjoying the food?" Rose asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.
It was nearing Christmas time and the kids had all gathered at Rose's house for
the week. The house was almost suffocated with decorations, lights coating the
house like a forcefield that shouted out an inpenetrable fuck you to both the
darkness and the local electric co-op. Dave, Rose, Jade, John, and Rose's
mother were all lounging in the living room, listening to John animatedly
recount his encounters with the salamanders while Jade and Rose listened on.
Jade and John sat in front of the fireplace while Dave was splayed out, taking
up most of the couch and leaving only a bit for Rose to sit neatly on. Rose's
mom had taken the supposedly sarcastic liberty of preparing dinner early for
the kids, and Dave had downed about half of his steak before spacing out.

Dave shrugged. "Pretty good." he said, being careful not to swear around Rose's
mother. "Guess I just drifted off about something. Anyways, I'm about as full
as I'll be for the rest of the night. Where should I dump this?" he asked as he
motioned with the plate of half-eaten steak.

"I can handle that, dear." Rose's mom interjected, putting down her book and
rising  from the recliner across the living room. "I'm very glad you enjoyed
the meal." she said as she took Dave's plate, shooting a glance at Rose. Dave
had no idea why they had to lock eyes, seemingly at random, mostly whenever
referring to him. It was like some eternal battle of eye contact raged on in
some hidden psyche they both shared, ebbing and flowing back and forth and in
and out like the tides of some desolate mind fuck beach.

No, wait, that was stupid.

John finished his story, his and Jade's laughter mingling together as Rose
smirked. Dave felt a twang of regret for spacing out. He just might have missed
the first engaging story that Egbert had ever told.

"So Dave," John said as he wipeda tear from his eyes and turned to Strider,
"how did you and your consort-thingies get along?"

"The crocs?" Dave replied, barely raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, the crocs! How were they?"

Dave maintained his stone-faced demeanor. "They tried to cook and eat me."

"No way!" John said, laughing. "That's pretty sick. I figured everything in
existence knew about how bad you would taste!"

Dave smirked and uncrossed his arms. Despite John's sense of humor, he was glad
to actually have a home for the holidays. "Yeah, well I think they were relying
on the seasonings." he said as Rose's mom returned to the room and took her
seat.

"I'm sure you would taste wonderful." Rose's mom said, giving what appeared to
be a completely sincere smile.

"Thanks." Dave nodded his head. He knew the mind games were about to begin
between Rose and Mom. It was best if he just poker faced through the entire
ordeal and didn't give either side any ammunition.

"That was a very gracious comment, mother. I'm sure you would know how Dave
would taste, anyways." Rose said as she crossed her arms and smiled the kind of
smile that Dave knew concealed a veritable fucking tidal wave of venom.

"Oh, dear, you know I wouldn't state that for a fact, I would hate to spread
misinformation. I imagine you are an authority on how any given boy tastes,
though, so I will defer to your opinion on this matter." Mom said, tilting her
head to the side in a pseudo-motherly 'i'm so proud of you' manner, then taking
a sip from the martini that Dave hadn't noticed a moment ago.

"Oh, but surely you jest, mother. I can only dream of aspiring to your levels
of culinary expertise in the field of the male body."

"Oh, dear," Mom clucked, waving a hand, "if you keep the pace you're at now
you'll have surpassed me in absolutely no time. I'm sure of it."

Rose simply locked eyes with her mom. One second. Five seconds. Ten seconds.
The silence was the only kind that could come from an argument about what Dave
could only imagine as rabid dick-sucking between a mother and her daughter; the
dead kind.

Egbert broke the silence, oblivious to all the verbal sniping going on. "Well,
uhh, I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with anyone finding out how I taste!
Ehehe..." he trailed off as only Jade turned to stare incredulously at him.

Rose's mom was apparently first to back down. "Well, I figured we could all go
see a movie tonight. If we leave in fifteen we should be able to attend the
seven o'clock show." 

Given the levels of subversion going on here, Dave figured she was backing down
first to seem gracious, which would make Rose think that Mom's aim was to make
Rose look bad when in fact the point was for Mom to convince Rose that she was
doing it for just that reason and-

Dave stopped himself. No. The road to hell was paved with attempting to analyze
the female psyche. There was no way he was going deeper on that matter. John
and Jade began debating over which movie to see, while Rose reluctantly joined
in and Mom sat passively in her chair. Or passive-aggressively. Dave didn't
join in. He was feeling a bit sleepy now that he was full, and whichever movie
they saw he knew he would just make snide and sarcastic comments to whoever was
sitting on either side of him through the whole thing. He leaned back on the
couch, spreading out even more and confining Rose to leaning against her
armrest before letting out a long yawn and drifting off.

"Time to go!" Dave snorted and jerked to attention. Fuck. No matter how much he
mastered the art of impasse, regardless of how well he could deadpan on
someone, waking up was a jerky, frothy, shitty mess of snorting, drool, and
lost shades. He tried to make up for it by not rubbing his eyes but the damage
had been done.

"Dave, dear, are you ready for bed already? It isn't even seven yet!" Mom
asked. Rose, John, and Jade were already set to leave, Jade and John talking as
they strode out of the house into the snow and Rose lingering behind at the
doorway.

"I guess I'm just used to home." Dave shrugged. "Usually it's time for bed when
the sun goes down there."

"Well, I imagine you wouldn't enjoy seeing a movie if you're as tired as you
seem. Let's get you to bed so you can have your rest, you must be exhausted." 

Dave felt Rose's stare burn in his general direction. The evil fucking eye
lasers of the eldritch whateverthehell they weres was being brought down into
the focusing crystal that was Rose's cornea before being shit out all over the
room like a zoo cage of monkeys with a plan and a bit of dark magic.

Fuck, he was tired.

"Alright." Dave said to Mom, nodding and pushing himself up off the couch. The
watchful eye of the horrorterrors themselves disappeared out the door. Looks
like Dave had failed the test.

"The guest room is this way." Mom said, setting what was probably a third or
fourth martini on the kitchen counter before showing Dave to his room. He
remembered where it was from when he dropped off his clothes, but Rose's mother
seemed to be... fussy about him. It was probably to get under Rose's skin, but
he couldn't help but let his ego puff up its chest and declare to the inside of
his mind that Mom wanted to bang the ever-living shit out of him. Yeah, that
was probably it.

"Here you are, dear." Mom strode over to the bunk bed, pulling the sheet back
for Dave. "Let's get you nice and comfortable for the night. It gets quite cold
up here during the winter." Dave nodded in reply and started to pull off his
shirt. Nah, he didn't want the others to miss the movie while he was making
Rose's mom invent new sentence structures compromised of his name. He slid
under the covers. Damn. It was warm. Not the insufferable draining heat of the
Texas sun kind of warm either, just a calm, safe warmness that wrapped around
him.


"Have a good night of sleep, dear. We're going to have a busy day tomorrow."
Rose's mom said tenderly, running a hand through Dave's hair and leaning
forward. She stopped, and only then did Dave realize he had leaned forward to
kiss her. What the fuck? She smiled and gave him a peck on the forehead before
whispering "Maybe later.", and leaving, flicking off the lights as she left and
leaving the door slightly ajar. Great, now the Republic of Dave's Crotch was
experiencing an uprising of the people, and it was looking like no matter which
side won, Dave's pants were about to lose.

Dave sighed and wriggled in bed a bit, letting the warmth of the sheets flood
over him as he drifted off to sleep.





***** Relief *****
Dave didn’t remember what he was dreaming about, but he was slowly pulled out
of it by the strange warmth in his crotch. He woke, practically molesting his
own hand with the full force of a sleepy young man with a boner in an attempt
to sate the wretched thing. John was splayed out on the bunk above him, his arm
hanging down limply as he snored quietly. The moon shone through the window,
and Dave could make out flurries of snow just outside. Dave rubbed his eyes and
sighed. Looks like a simple rub or two wouldn’t be enough to let him get back
to sleep. 
 Hauling himself out of bed and yawning, Dave slowly made his way through the
darkened house. He had no idea what time it was, but it seemed like everyone
else was dead asleep. As he walked, Dave thought back to the last time he had
some Dave-time. He quickly shuddered as he remembered his private attempt to
test that rhetorical question about time-travel self-sex being incest or
masturbation.
 It was neither, it was fucking gay as shit, to the point where he considered
not completing the loop out of fear of having to relive the horribly awkward
half-naked blind-self-groping carnival of what the fuck is going on. Of course,
it wasn't anything more than a few tugs before the mutual agreement that this
was stupid was passed through the senate of Dave and Dave, so he reluctantly
followed through.
 Now that he thought about it, Dave couldn't even remember the last time he got
himself off completely. Damn. It looked like this session was going to be a
rumbling earthquake of hand humping with an aftershock of splooge in every
conceivable direction. Dave looked forward to it. At some point he realized
that his mind had decided to focus on Rose's mom for this masturbatory
endeavor. He shrugged inwardly as he groggily strode into the bathroom,
glancing around him before shutting and locking himself in.
 Thank god, the Lalondes believed in hand soap. Dave made a mental note to
thank Rose in the future for this out of the blue and note her reaction. He
wondered if she would make the leap. Probably, he decided, but would she let
him know that?
 Nope. Female psyche. Better stop that shit Dave thought to himself as he
squeezed out a few handfuls of soap, using his other hand to undo his
pantsbutton and zipper. He leaned forward over the toilet and imagined Mom
crawling into bed with him, letting him shove himself between her hot thighs as
he grabbed her-
 Holy shit, that was fast. Dave let out a long sigh as he unloaded a tiny
nation of would-be successors into the toilet. He quickly washed his hands and
flushed before wondering what the fuck he was doing. He had just jerked it. In
Rose's house. Into her toilet. To the thought of her Mom. Nonironically. He
felt a small twinge of shame before squashing it. No time like the present, and
who knows, if he hadn't just blown his load, his next few days might have
consisted of attempting to seduce Mom and have her do the job himself. Of
course, he would succeed, and Rose would find out. Such is the nature of the
Lalondes.
 Dave quietly returned to his room, sliding back under the covers and wondering
why he was wishing for another kiss on the forehead. It wasn't some overtly
sexual thing, just a nice thing that made him safe. The polar opposite of
having to duel Bro before dinner, which was basically searching through ancient
ruins. Chances of finding ancient artifacts and encountering deadly traps was a
no-brainer. It was gonna happen, but the traps and trinkets in this case came
in the form of an ass-whipping.
 Before long Dave woke up again. He felt much warmer than usual, especially
down below. He realized someone was lying down in front of him in the bed. 
 Oh god. It was Mom. 
 Dave squirmed a bit and felt his dick slide between her thighs. He felt
himself get about as hot as he would be on the roof of his house at high noon.
He had no idea what was going on, but he was going to enjoy it.
 Just like that, Dave woke up. Actually woke up. He shook his head and rubbed
his eyes before he noticed Mom standing over him. It looked like it was wake up
time part two in an insufferable saga of jerky starts that would probably
eventually cascade into a mountainous beast of dream-cycling, leaving Dave
constantly questioning his reality until he fell off a sled or something.
 Then again, Mom wasn't nude and pressing her ass up against him.
 Despite his quick train of thought, Dave felt sluggish and mom let out a sigh
that only a mother would make, pulling his sheets back and sitting on the edge
of the bed, pressing her hand against his forehead.
 "Oh dear, I was worried about this. You're burning up. You stay right here,
I'll be back in a moment." Dave could only manage to stare at mom's ass as she
strode quickly out of the room. Now that he was at least half-awake, Dave
realized he did feel a bit sickly. Maybe he was just hungry again, or
something. Or the gigantic load he blew last night left his body so much
lighter that his immune system shit its metaphorical pants at the occurence.
 It was only a few seconds before Mom walked back into the room, holding a wet
rag in one hand and a glass of what looked like fizzy water in the other. She
sat at the edge of the bed again, gingerly placing the rag on Dave's forehead
then setting the glass of whatever if was on the nightstand. She slowly ran her
fingers through his hair.
 "I'm surprised to see you so placid," Mom said softly. "Rose would fight me
tooth and nail whenever I tried to take care of her." she turned and picked up
the glass, holding the straw next to Dave's mouth. "Here, drink this." she
said.
 "What is it?" Dave asked. Jesus, he sounded terrible, but he didn't want to be
sick and tipsy with this maternal succubus only a few feet away. He was a bit
terrified of the stupid shit he might try to pull.
 Rose's mother raised a concerned eyebrow. "It's Sprite, dear. Did you think it
was alcoholic?"
 "No, I just... Well..." Fucking shit. I'm stuttering, Dave thought to himself.
 Fucking me, Dave Strider, stuttering like a little bitch because this MILF
wants to give me some alcohol or whatever. He was saved by a sudden sneezing
fit, and after letting loose the fury of his body's natural immune reaction, he
mustered up the entirety of his verbal wit to train on Rose's mother, a complex
selection of words that would leave her breathless and shirtless for him. "...
What's Sprite?" ...I am a fucking genius.
 Rose's mom let out a short laugh. "It's only a soft drink. I bet Rose has
given you some exaggerated bent about me trying to force alcohol on her. I try
to keep everything locked up, but I believe she should be able to try some so
that she knows she will not like it." Rose's mom pushed the drink forward a
bit. "Now, drink. It will calm your stomach, and feeling better is half the
battle of getting better."
 Dave could only nod and wrap his lips around the straw, taking a quick sip to
test the taste. It was fizzy, and that was about it. He cautiously took a few
more sips then pushed the straw away. Rose's mom smiled and set the drink back
on the nightstand before taking the rag and flipping it, placing it back on
Dave's forehead.
 "Where's everyone else?" Dave asked, suddenly aware of both the sunlight
streaming through the shades and Egbert's distinct lack of snore-crooning. 
 "They're all outside playin on the hill. In fact," Mom said as she stood, "I'm
going back out to watch them now. If you get to feeling better put on more than
you think you'll need and come on outside. It's a beautiful day." And with
that, Mom sashayed away. Dave was sure she was flat-out wiggling her ass at him
now. He resolved, then and there, in his probably delirious sicknasty and
Sprite-intoxicated state, that he was going to get a piece of Mom. Somehow,
someway, he was going to let her know just how much he appreciated her. By
fucking her senseless.
 After what felt like an eternity of lying in bed, intermittently sipping at
Sprite, sneezing, and lying in bed some more, Dave decided he felt well enough
to join the others outside. He tossed the covers off of him and stared dumbly
at his own bare legs. Someone had somehow stripped him down to his boxers while
he was asleep. Despite himself he quickly reached down into his boxers, rubbed
himself a couple of times, then smelled his hand. Nope. Didn't smell like Mom.
Just desperation and embarassment. 
 Dave rolled out of bed, pulling on a new pair of pants and shirt, deciding
against a jacket, and putting on his best poker face and swagger walk through
the light-headedness to stride out the living room door to the snowy front
yard.
***** Heat *****
The front of the Lalondes' house was magnificent in the winter. Snow had fallen
from the sky like the heavy clots of blood from some frozen deity, painting the
entire scene white like a perverted artist's brush.
 Okay, it was more graceful and less disgusting than that, but still. As far as
Dave could see there was whiteness. The "front yard" of the Lalondes' house
stretched for about half a mile, ending with an abrupt iron gate and fence far
off in the distance. The house sat at the top of a hill, and the nearby pond
was completely frozen over. John and Jade were both skating around on the pond,
Egbert flopping like a live fish in a skillet while Jade lazily glided around
him in circles, and Rose sat off to the side in the snow, sculpting something
that resembled an oriental delicacy from the far-off reaches of hell itself. He
would have to ask her later about the phallic symbolism that she was obviously
projecting all over the place like the snot from one of his shitty sneezes.
 Dave heard a disapproving sound from off to his left and coolly turned,
locking eyes with Mom, who sat in a chair. She did not seem happy. Her arms
were crossed, she had a fully-raised eyebrow, and may the horrorterrors have
mercy on Dave's soul, she was tapping her foot.
 "And just what are you doing out here without a jacket, young man?" Mom asked.
Despite the obvious disapproval in her voice, Dave heard something else. Some
sort of excitement? Relishment? Maybe she was so happy to have someone who
would allow themselves to be fussed over she wasn't able to hide it. It was a
stretch, but Dave had seen stranger.
 Mom rose from her chair, striding over to Dave and putting a hand on his back,
guiding him back through the doorway to the house. "There is no way I am
allowing you to roll around outside in your condition without so much as a
sweater." She said. Dave barely heard her. She was scratching his back as she
guided him into the house. It felt amazing. 
 "Sorry... Mrs. Lalonde..." was all he could muster as he let his shoulders
fall abit, unsure if his actions were genuine or a ploy.
 "It is quite alright dear. One day inside away from everything will not hurt
you, but if you get any worse you might miss out on playing with your friends
for the whole week. Did you bring a sweater?" Mom asked as the two stepped into
the guest room.
 "Sure did." Dave said, trying to regain some of his confident air. Thankfully
Rose's mom had ceased scratching Dave's back, and while he wouldn't have minded
it going on for at least a few more minutes, he knew there was no way he was
forming a sentence that indicated he wasn't at least mentally deficient three
ways to Sunday. He opened the closet door, stooping down and opening up his
large duffel bag. Clothes were shoved in seemingly at random, but Dave had a
system. Of course, it was pure laziness that prevented him from unpacking, but
he knew where everything was, and quickly wrestled a dark red knitted sweater
from his back. Instead of the usual one scratched record, like Dave's shirt,
Bro had gone overboard on a knitting binge and patterned three onto the front.
 Dave pulled the sweater over his head, much to Mom's apparent satisfaction.
"Much better," she said as she reached over his shoulders and pulled him into
her. All Dave could smell was something like Lavender, and as her chest met
with his face the revolutionary martyrs of the Battle of the Bulge rose from
the dead in his pants, letting their demands be known and accepting no
placation or compromise. Dave had just begun to lift up his own hands to
embrace her as well when she let go and run a hand through his hair, her
maternal smile so sincere it was almost predatory.
 "You're such a good boy," she said as she stepped in for another hug. Dave was
surprised at how downright sappy she sounded. It was like for the last decade
and a half her maternal instincts had been thrashing about with nothing to
cling to.
 Until him. This time Dave brought his hands up to cling to Rose's mother,
letting his face rest on her chest. He felt his face grow red but he knew there
was no hiding it. "Thanks, Mrs. Lalonde." he said quietly, afraid that if he
let the sentiment out at full volume that it would even sappier and desperate
than it was.
 "Dave?" Mom asked as she looked down to him with what seemed to be an infinite
sincerety in her eyes. This was it, he thought. Here comes the great heaving
bucking rodeo of motherly hormones that makes the jump from a care-giver to a
sexual predator possible, and look who the only poor pedestrian within a
hundred yards is. Dave slowly began to respond, ready to even his voice back
out and putting on the most business-like face he could manage.
 "Do you have a boner?"
 The sheer weight of flatness in her voice, the cruel sniper shot of
forwardness in her question could have killed Dave then and there. He would
have just shrugged, but he had already opened his mouth to answer when it hit
him just what in the fuck she asked him.
 Now he was wondering why the fuck he didn't travel back in time later to warn
himself. Way to be a dick, future Dave. His mind reeled as he tried to cobble
together an answer other than YES LET ME PUT IT IN YOU BECAUSE I WANT
TO! Denial? Nope, she had felt it. Playing it off? There was no way he could
manage that. Even with his years of training in the stoneface shield and the
sword of irony he was way too far out at sea for those weapons to be worth a
shit. He could just whimper like a bitch and admit it, but that was easily the
last thing he wanted to do. So he chose all three.
 "Maybe, I haven't really been paying attention down there." Dave shrugged. He
hoped against hope that all the other instances of him being the cool kid would
pay off with her believing his subtle apathy. A quick sentence popped into his
head and he rattled it off, evenly and unemotionally as he shrugged again. "But
if I do, I'm sure I know who to blame."
 Fuck. Fuck. What the hell Dave? he thought to himself as he slowly shut his
mouth. He was dead. Toast. Mom was going to snap his neck, then and there, for
besmirching her honor as only her daughter Rose was allowed. She would probably
toss his body out back under the tireswing tree they had and fray the rope till
it snapped, then make a scene and claim that Dave had fell, and that would be
it. Rose would be suspicious, but she would figure out that Dave would've died
trying to bang her mom, and that would be the end of the line for any
investigation.
 "You are adorable." Mom said as she stooped down and gave Dave a quick peck on
the lips.
 The doomsday scenario ground to a shuttering, explosive halt, as did Dave's
poker face.
 "... What?" 
 Well, fuck, there goes the award for the most John-like I've ever been, the
only still-functioning part of his brain thought.
 "Oh, Dave. You are wonderful. You try to bluster around with your facade of
indifference, but lately your act has been falling apart, all because of me, I
assume. I would never want you to feel uncomfortable but I do relish the fact
that you fancy me as much as you do. Like I said, it is positively adorable."
Mom replied as she pinched Dave's cheek. "And I almost feel like I am taking
advantage of you to help my own feelings, but I have never had the opportunity
to care for a sick child who truly appreciated it before." Dave's clockwork
brain began to self-destruct as she undid the first button to her jacket. "I do
want you to know, Dave," she said, voice beginning to slow down to a more
seductive tone, "that I do appreciate how you make me feel."
 Holy shit holy shit holy shit sholy fucking jesus on a fucking smuppet train-
 No. Calm and collected. Bro's voice suddenly rang out in Dave's head. Rose's
mom had unbuttoned the top half of her jacket, pulling down her shirt and
exposing her cleavage for Dave. She reached out, running a hand through Dave's
hair before pulling him into her chest. The revolution had become a world war.
Dave felt like his dick was about to explode out of his pants in the least
metaphorical sense.
 "Give me a kiss, baby." Rose's mom whispered down to Dave and he obliged,
opening his mouth slightly and giving Mom a small suck on the top of her left
breast. He heard her sigh contentedly as she slowly pulled him back, buttoning
her shirt back up. Suddenly she seemed to catch herself, her lustful eyes
flickering back to the professional air she usually displayed. "You can come
meet everyone outside after you finish masturbating again." She said simply,
giving Dave the faintest hint of a small before turning and leaving. Dave sat
there for a moment before it hit him.
 Wait, what the fuck?
***** First *****
After replaying what had just happened over and over in his head, Dave decided
in fact not to violently play with himself before heading outside. He nodded to
Rose's mom as coolly as possible, and she nodded back with a soft smile. He
felt his insides melt as the urge to throw himself into her lap and curl up in
her arms grew. However, he knew that wasn't going to happen, mostly because
that would be the most emasculating thing he had ever done in his entire
lifetime. The arbiters of dudeness would descend from their heavenly stations,
rocketing downwards in anger and shame, axes at the ready to harvest Dave's
genitalia and frilly dresses waiting to be shoved over his head.
 Dave calmly strode down the hill to where John, Jade and Rose were still
playing. John had given up his skating escapades and he and Jade were working
with Rose to construct a fort of snow with walls at least six feet high. In
mid-thought, wondering about how they could've gathered that much material up,
Dave found himself suddenly thigh-deep in powder. He had his answer, and he
didn't even flinch as he became two feet shorter in an instant. The others
waved to him, and he gave a nonchalant nod back.
 "Hey Dave, glad to see you finally outta bed!" John smiled. "You were down for
the count last night."
 "Yeah," Dave replied, thinking back to his jerk-off session in Rose's bathroom
that probably set a record for most vision-blurring and shortest at the same
time "guess I was."
 "Are you catching a cold? Your nose is all red." John asked, pointing at Dave
as if that would magically enable his vision to seperate itself and allow him
to view himself in the third person.
 "Eh, I was feeling under the weather earlier but Rose's mom hooked me up with
this Sprite stuff and I feel a lot better." Dave shrugged. He suddenly wondered
if he had said too much, as everyone else blankly stared at him.
 "You are aware," Rose began slowly "that Sprite is just an average, run-of-
the-mill soft drink?" Her eyebrow shot up as suggestively as possible.
 "Well what can I say, Lalonde," Dave began with another shrug "even soda can
take on medicinal properties when your mother's delivering it to me through
mouth-to-mouth." Dave smiled inwardly as Rose's eye twitched a bit.
 "Yes, I'm certain you recieved all the mouth-to-mouth Sprite transfusion you
could have asked for this morning." She said simply, going back to patting down
a wall "Let it be known that my mother finds no greater joy than using a soft
drink as a medium for tongue-wrestling with a teenage boy."
 "Thank you, dear!" came a yell from up the hill. Dave turned and saw Rose's
mother waving to them.
 "Oh." Dave said. That explained a lot.
 "Oh what?" John asked.
 "I was just let down by Rose's revelation to me that her mother's special
brand of medicine isn't something exclusive. It's a damn shame, really. I
would've loved to have taken on the role of valiant foster father for Lalonde.
I could read her bedtime stories, and give her advice on guys, and maybe when
she got old enough I could take her out for a drive to teach her the ropes."
 Rose was completely unperturbed. "Yes, Dave, I would look forward to every
single waking moment of that. I promise." she continued to pat down the wall
before punching a hole in it with a grunt that made Dave jump. "There," she
said, clapping her hands together. "Now it has a window."
 The rest of the day flew by for the kids. After completing their snow fort,
John and Dave attempted to capture it from Jade and Rose. The game culminated
in Dave carrying John on his back through the final stretch, snowballs pelting
them both, to toss Egbert through the wall and declare victory, screaming like
it was a war movie the entire way. Dave was uncharacteristically energetic all
day, and he wasn't even caring to hide it. Lunch time rolled around, and after
a quick consensus Rose's mother drove them all to Burger King for mealtime.
After they had eaten their fill (with a  strange lack of sniping between Mom
and Rose), they returned and took refuge in the house as another wave of snow
fell around the Lalonde residence. Everyone crowded around the television to
watch a movie. Rose's mother brought in popcorn for everyone as the kids all
sat on the couch, talking between themselves and enjoying the film.
 Dave wasn't paying much attention through the whole thing. Between Rose's
eldricht stare and her mother's tendency to brush up just a bit too close to
him as he sat perched on the arm of the couch, he reckoned he was in the middle
of an all-out squabble for superiority by the two females on Earth who just may
be the craftiest, if not most sarcastic. Dave wondered about what Mom had told
him, about her truly enjoying taking care of someone who was sick. 
 Of course, he could sympathize with Mom, because she had taken care of him,
possibly stripped and groped him, and had practically let him motorboat her,
but Rose never seemed to be illogical about-
 He caught himself. Female psyche. Eldritch horrors. One in the same. End of
story.
 By the time night fell Dave was already tired again. Mom made a supposed show
of fussing over Dave after he began constantly yawning, telling him that he
needed his sleep and that he should take a hot shower then go to bed. The only
way that was happening is if she joined in and helped scrub, but he would wait
for her to leave the room before he muttered that statement just barely in
earshot of Rose. He wondered why he enjoyed pestering her so much about this.
Maybe this was part of the plan, to assimilate Dave into the subconscious of
the snarky horseshit wars for the side of the communist republic of Mom,
turning him against the united states of Rose and using him for her own
nefarious deeds in securing total domination.
 He would be okay with that, if she at least got naked in front of him. 
 Eventually Dave gave in to Mom's supposedly psuedo worrying and followed her
to the bathroom upstairs. Naturally, almost ironically so, they had to pass
through Mom's room to get there, a dark and cool female equivalent to a man-
cave, but much nicer smelling and with a bigger bed. The only furniture items
were two large bookshelves on either side of the massive bed, and a nightstand
on the far side of it.
 "Nice bed." Dave remarked as she opened the bathroom door for him.
 "Yes, it is a bit large for just myself. I like to have a lot of room when I
sleep but it does feel empty at times." she replied.  Damn, it was like she had
extra-sensory perception. Okay, maybe she didn't know that Dave was imagining
shacking up with her for a night, but he wouldn't put it past the Lalondes to
dabble in the blackest magics of reading the male mind. 
 Dave took a few steps into the doorway as Rose's mother turned to head back
downstairs.
 "Mrs. Lalonde... Hold on." Dave said. There was no way he was managing to
insert even an ounce of assertiveness into his voice.
 "Yes, dear?" Mom asked inquisitively as she turned back towards him. "Do you
need anything?"
 "No... It's just that..." wonderful. Dave was actually at a loss for words to
describe what he was feeling. "Uhh, nevermind." Uhh. Uhh. Confirmed for fucking
poetic mastery of the english language, Strider. Confirmed as shit. 
 "Dave, if there is anything you need, do not hesitate to ask." Mom said as she
locked eyes with him.
 Alright, Dave's ego strutted and puffed up to twice its normal size, stomping
and scratching at the ground like a bull ready to be unleashed. Here goes
nothing. He felt everything fall into place, the shrug and lean against the
doorway, the stonefaced coolness that only a Strider could harness, the one-off
scratch at his stomach that lifted his shirt up just enough. "If your showers
are as comfortable as the rest of your house, I might not make it through one
without someone keeping me awake. It'd be a damn shame if I drowned from an
excess of comfort just before Christmas." Dave let the sentence hang in the air
for a minute. It came off as a bit threatening, but maybe she'd like that.
 Mom let out a laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. Fuck, went Dave's ego
as it rocketed across the pen, deflating and spewing its bullshit in every
concievable direction like an over-inflated balloon with a hole stabbed in the
side. "I do apologize if I am underestimating your prowess, Dave, but I do
believe you are not ready in any sense of the word to handle a shower with me.
Have you even kissed a girl yet?"
 Dave's ego cried for mercy as the boot fell upon it, hard. Squishing and
stomping like an arachnophobe who found the motherlode but was armed with the
Fuck-You 5000 anti-spider footgauntlet and had nothing but time and hatred on
his hands. "... Nope." he managed, as evenly as possible. He realized with
absolute, psyche-shattering horror that Mom may have been the first person he
had a serious attraction towards. Would he be this worthless, transparent, and
bullshitty towards any girl that caught his eye? Was his entire routine of
being the coolkid ready to be aborted like the escape pods on an overweight
squid at the first sign of trouble? 
 What?
 Rose's mom strode towards Dave, and he felt himself backing into the doorframe
a bit. Suddenly he was intimidated by the woman who had just this morning been
the closest thing to a maternal figure he had ever know. "Look at me." She
commanded in a not-too-firm voice, and Dave found himself doing so. She cupped
his chin in one hand, putting the other around his waist as she leaned forward
and pressed her lips against his.
 Oh lord. Battle of the Bulge, part three: the boner strikes back, Dave
thought. He swore he heard the waistband to his briefs give way with a pop as
Rose's mother let a warm breath into his mouth, pulling and nibbling gently on
his lower lip between bouts of  caressing his tongue with hers. He had
absolutely no idea what to do, so he mostly let her do her thing, trying to
complement the movements of her tongue and letting her take control. Just when
he thought he had reached the fable promised land, she did it.
 She began scratching his back. 
 Dave felt himself go slightly limp all over except in his groin, which decided
to compensate thrice-fold for the dereliction of duty to rigidness his skeleton
had committed. He was putty in her hands; putty with a gigantic boner. Dave
imagined that the kiss had been going on for minutes now, but when Rose's
mother pulled away he realized that it had only been a few measly seconds.
Without thinking he pulled himself to her, wrapping his arms around her above
her shoulders and kissing her neck. She was so warm, pressed completely against
him, and he absolutely knew that she knew that he had a raging hard-on. He felt
her arms wrap around him, gentle but firm as she began to stroke his hair.
 "You are such a good boy."
 Eventually Dave let go, avoiding eye contact in what he reckoned was an
almost-Egbertian display of autism. Rose's mom pulled him into another quick
hug before patting his head. "Now go take your shower and get to bed, dear. You
can go ahead and take care of you-know-what in there." she said before turning
and leaving. Dave then realized his dick felt like it was burning. Not
painfully, but if his member was a volcano, there was about to be a natural
fucking disaster of the messiest kind.
 Dave's shower was an ordeal, an event, a veritable fucking happening that
needed recording in the annals of history. He fapped hard, he fapped fast, and
even as his arm screamed out from pain and strain, he kept the pace until he
shot a load at his own face so hard he almost hit his head against the shower
wall from the recoil. Whereas last night's event was fast, passionate, and at
least somewhat premeditated, this time his dick had no time to prepare itself
for a quick and easy finish. It was at the mercy of his dearest right hand,
then left hand, then right hand again, until he lay splayed out in the shower,
panting and content.
 Goddamnit, he just fapped in Rose's house for the second time in a day. Rose's
house. To her mother, no less. Her mother. In reality that point didn't bother
him nearly as much, but all the same he made a mental note to berate himself
later for his shameless pervosity. He was too placated at the moment to think
too much about anything besides getting to bed. He washed the evidence off of
himself, and the shower wall, and the curtain, and a bit off the mirror before
drying and dressed himself in his baggy pajama pants, lazily slinking out of
the shower into mom's room, where she was waiting like a certain jungle cat
Dave couldn't remember the name of at the moment.
 Jesus christ he had another boner already. Mom was wearing nothing but a black
velvet robe that barely concealed her cleavage as she sat, reading a book, legs
under the covers of her massive bed. "I am glad to see you are finally out,
dear." the woman said with a small smirk. "Judging from the noises emanating
from your general area, I take it you enjoyed yourself?"
 Fuck. This woman knew everything. Dave managed to compose himself enough to
shrug despite his face heating up like the furnaces of embarassment themself.
"How long was I in there?"
 "Quite long enough to impress me."
 Double fuck. You're cornered. There's no escape. Just give her the hard
dicking then send her on her way. Or stop being stupid. 
 "Much obliged." Dave said, exaggerating his accent. Mom laughed and Dave
allowed himself a bit of relief.
 "I really do hope you aren't embarassed about this whole ordeal. After all,
you are certainly not the first person to spend a bit of "quality time" in that
shower."
 Please be talking about Rose. Please be talking about Rose or my ego itself
will rise up, ascend to the god-tiers, and bang the ever-living, double
italicized -hell- out of you.
 Dave let out a half chuckle. "You mean Rose, right?"
 "No."
 Triple fuck.



***** Warmup *****
Dave was trapped. On the one hand, he could break the character that Mom had
already beaten senseless and tossed into the ditch and scoot for the door,
letting his fear get the best of him. Or, he could man up. There really was
only one option.
 "Alright," Dave said. He felt himself slipping into a zen state of apathy, an
area of pure void for feeling and regard. "You've been on and off about wanting
to ride me to market, flip-flopping between cuddling me like a child and
snogging me. Why haven't you stuck with a side yet?" He tilted his head down,
eyeing Mom from behind his shades. He didn't even remember putting them back on
after his shower, the force of how flat-fucking smooth he was being must have
called them to him, pulling them across space itself to nestle them on the
bridge of his nose.
 "Perhaps I would rather have you take charge and decide for yourself." Mom
replied.
 Okay, fucking seriously? I might as well start drooling and beating my head
into the wall for all the good it'll do me. This woman was unsolvable. Which
made perfect sense, when Dave thought about it.
 "Well, I'm pretty damn tired. I definitely wouldn't be able to give you the
raunchy Texan sex-fest I know your legs are aching for. As much as I'd love to
see you walking funny tomorrow, I just don't quite have it in me."
 To Dave's surprise, Rose's mother didn't laugh. Looks like he was back to the
eldritch horror theory of the female psyche.
 "Anyways, I'm gonna head off to bed." Dave shrugged. Why did I even need to
tell her that? He wondered to himself as he strode towards the door as
apathetically as possible.
 "Dave... Wait."
 Dave froze in his tracks. Oh, that was why.
 "I would never be able to live with myself if I sent you away after all the
teasing I've been doing to you over the course of the day." As the words left
her mouth Dave felt his dick ignite. "How about you swagger youself over here
and lie down with me? I guarantee that this bed is much more comfortable than
the one in the guest room."
 "You say that like I have a choice." Dave said as he turned, pulling off his
shades and tossing them past mom to land neatly on the nightstand. If that
doesn't impress her, nothing will. he thought before asking himself why he even
bothered with the theatrics at this point.
 Rose's mom pulled back the covers, exposing her long shapely legs and oh god
Dave's dick his just hit blue-cone status for heat. He sat down at the edge of
the bed for a second before slowly sliding in next to her, his body feeling
rigid and tense. Rose's mother pulled the sheet back over the both of them,
pulling Dave close and bringing a leg to rest between his. There went the
tenseness. 
 "Are you tired, dear?" Mom asked softly as she pulled Dave closer, nuzzling
his face against her practically-bare breasts and stroking his hair while
running her other hand up and down his back.
 "Mmhm." Dave managed in a too-kiddish tone. He was worthless like this.
Hopefully Rose or John didn't get the bright idea to bust in or Dave would have
to resort to pathetically flopping around on the ground and gurgling out
attempts to explain what was happening. Rose's mom pulled him even closer,
letting him take in her body heat from his forehead to his knees as she
scratched his back gently.
 "Mrs. Lalonde?" Dave asked sleepily as he rubbed his face into her chest,
bathing in how warm she was.
 "Yes, dear?" Mom replied gently.
 "I..." Dave was interrupted by a yawn, and couldn't finish his sentence before
drifting off to sleep, curling up in Mom's arms as she nuzzled him and held him
tightly.
 The morning slammed into Dave like a two-ton semi with nothing being hauled
but a massive crate shipment of "fuck you", express delivery. Sunlight was
streaming through the window on the far side of the room, birds were even
chirping in some sick mockery of the fact that it was negative infinity fucking
degrees outside, and while Dave no longer felt the scratchy throat that had
plagued him the day before, he did feel weak all over, to the point of shaking
slightly. 
 He yawned and stretched, looked around slowly and what the fuck last night
wasn't some fever-addled dream. Dave was splayed out in Mom's bed, the sheets
tangling around him like they were ready to digest him and add him to the pool
of bed-nutrients.
 That was how this damn thing got so big, the woman fed it small boys.
 Of course, the only thing keeping Dave from regressing to stone age cognitive
processes was the fact that Rose's mother was nowhere to be found. Dave sneezed
a few times, maybe an inborn reaction to scare the horrorterror that was this
massive fucking bed, then hauled himself to his feet. He was still clothed, and
now a bit disappointed.
 Making his way back downstairs, still half asleep despite himself, Dave
smelled breakfast. Bacon. Food. Holy shit, he was hungry. Maybe he fucked
Rose's mom so hard his own mind repressed the memory of it so he could still
regard the rest of humanity as equal. The rest of the crew were gathered around
the kitchen table while Mom scrambled eggs.Oh yeah, scramble those eggs, bitch.
No, wait, that's disrespectful... wait what? Where the fuck did THAT come
from? Dave didn't let his confusion show on his face, but as he sauntered up to
the table, haphazardly crashing into the chair, apparently the other three had
picked up on Mom's ability to read his every fucking thought. They were all
staring.
 "Mornin'." Dave said with the hokey redneck accent that people around here
apparently loved to hear from him. "What's shakin'?"
 "Dave..." John said slowly.
 "Yeah?" Dave asked as he raised an eyebrow.
 "What's that mark on your neck?"
 Dave opened his mouth, then closed it, hand shooting up to his neck before he
could stop himself. John then confirmed himself as the greatest asshole in the
universe by breaking down into a fit of laughter.
 "Haha, got him, yes!" he cheered as he high-fived Jade. "But seriously, where
are your glasses?"
 "My glasses?" Fuck. Dave had left his glasses upstairs. "Eh, must've left them
in the room."
 "Which room?" Jade asked as she cocked her head to the side. "John was just
talking about how you never came to bed last night."
 "Dave decided to spend the night in my room." Rose's mother said flatly from
the stove. Well, shit woman, let me call the police department for you. Hello,
officer? Yes, I'd like to report a smoking hot cougar with a thing for young
blond Texan boys in the area. No, sir, it's not a problem, I just wanted you to
know.
 "Really now?" Rose said, the corner of her mouth twitching into a smirk.
Great. Her mind was broken. Murder mode engaged, horrid death by knitting
needles in three, two...
 "Of course, I slept on the couch last night. It would be horribly
inappropriate of me to share a bed with someone so young. As well all know,
Dave is truly chivalrous, but I'm not sure I could trust myself around him in
that sort of situation." Mom said airily. Hoo boy here we go! thought Dave.
 "Mother, having known Dave for as long as I have I can assure you that if
worst came to worst and you found yourself a witness to your own depravity Dave
would have absolutely no trouble making the moral decision." Rose said simply
before biting into a piece of toast.
 Oh shit.
 "Yes, you are probably correct dear. I have a feeling Dave has had quite a bit
of practice in rebuffing the women who make advances on him. Even the young
ones."
 Oh double shit. 
 "You know I don't think Dave's even had a girl hit on him before."
 Egbert outta fuckin' nowhere! It was probably for the best. Dave was glad John
was eternally willing to throw himself under the bus, becoming a locus for all
the awkwardness in the room, taking it into himself so no other person would
have to suffer its consequences.
 "That would be surprising." Mom and Rose both said in unison. Rose looked as
though she had been shot through the chest with a harpoon gun. She slowly
turned and locked gazes with her mother, her eyes narrowing as a smirk crept
across Mom's face. Looks like even John, the martyr of awkward, couldn't
contain this shit.
 Mom set a large plate of bacon on the table, still wearing that satisfied
smirk as Rose turned back to her food, probably experiencing a complete and
total mental deconstruction of reality. Dave suddenly realized he was hungry.
Extremely hungry, and in a few short moments he was eating as quickly as
possible. Time powers be damned, he was starving. He only looked up once from
his food, to grab a napkin, and the look of absolute terror on Jade's face was
satisfying. Never get between a Strider and his food, especially if he's been
getting his game on.
 Eventually Dave's stomach was full. He realized with an inner grimace that he
may have eaten a tad bit fast. He didn't feel like moving from his seat, and if
it weren't for the fact that he was spending the day with his friends, he would
have drug himself to the couch before entering the food coma of the ages.
 "So what's on the itinerary today?" Dave asked as he leaned back in his chair.
Rose looked to John, John looked to Jade, Jade looked helpless. A collective
shrug was let out by the group. Prepare for me to make sweet love to you,
living room sofa. thought Dave. "You know, we haven't had a lazy day to just
sit around and do nothing." He mentioned as off-handedly as possible. Sweet,
sweet soft upholstery, I will have you, I will ravish you. You will be mine and
mine alone.
 "You are right about that." Rose said reluctantly.
 "I mean, I'm not going anywhere anyways," Dave started, pointing to his still-
red nose, "but maybe we could just take a day to sleep in till noon."
 "Sleep... until noon?" Egbert looked incredulous. Dave realized that John may
have never slept late in a day of his life.
 "Yeah." Dave replied, pushing himself out of the kitchen chair. Fuck, I
stuffed my face. he thought as he sauntered over to the couch, ready to make
passionate love to it. "It's fun, trust me." the living room lights were off,
and with the cloudy day outside he was nice and dim. "You just get real still,
like so," Dave instructed from the couch. "and that's it."
 Rose shrugged. "Might as well. I did stay up last night writing." she made her
way over to the reclining chair, tossing herself into it. "Oh yeah, I think it
would be in the group's best interest to do absolutely nothing for the time
being." she said as she stretched out like a cat. Dave's brain finally took
this time to cognize that Rose actually had boobs. Not her mother's knockers,
that was for sure, but she was probably wearing a bra now. Fuck, we're getting
old Dave thought.
 "Unfortunately I have business to attend to and groceries to buy, so I am
afraid I will not be able to attempt to seduce Dave until later today." Mom
said as she grabbed her keys off the rack next to the door. "Be good, children,
I shouldn't be gone for long." with a maternal smile, she closed the door
behind her.
 The entire house was silent for a bit before John apparently couldn't take it
anymore.
 "Rose, do you mind if I turn on the tv?" he asked.
 "Mmrmph, not at all." Rose replied, rolling over in her splayed out position
on the recliner.
 Jade and John sat down together on the floor, talking about whatever show they
were currently watching. Dave felt himself drifting off again. Part of him
wanted to feel Mom's arms wrapped around him, caressing his hair, scratching
his back oh god scratching his back, but he knew he needed to be a big boy. He
started to wonder if Rose's mom wasn't just toying with him, only interested in
him because of Rose and treating him like some plaything that she could discard
later. He shook off the idea. That made no sense. Then again, neither did
making out with a boy then practically suffocating him between your tits to act
like nothing happened the next day. Whatever, Dave thought as he drifted off to
sleep and snow started to gently fall outside.
 Dave woke up slowly, as usual, scratching his head and reaching for his
glasses before even opening his eyes. They were still in Mom's room. Dave
groggily submitted to pushing himself up to a sitting position on the couch,
rubbing away the sleep from his eyes and looking around the living room. 
 It was still daylight outside, but Rose, John, and Jade were all asleep, Jade
dead asleep on the floor and Rose curled up with John on the chair. 
 Wait, what? Dave had to triple-take, then bite his own lip hard enough to draw
blood to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Egbert seriously just pulled himself on
top of Rose without her noti-
 Oh. There was no way she wouldn't notice. Well, shit, he didn't see that one
coming, but he had to admit, they looked happy together as they dozed in the
recliner. He yawned, stretched, and stood from the couch, scratching his head
again and making his way upstairs to get his shades back. He opened the door to
Mom's room quietly, but of course, unavoidably, there she was. In bed. Reading
a book. She wasn't mostly naked this time, so Dave's historical archive didn't
fire up another simulation of the Great Uprising. She was wearing a low-cut
top, pitch black against her skin, making her seem to meld with the sheets.
 Yup, eldritch horror.
 Mom looked up from her book, feigning surprise. "Why, hello there, dear. I
suppose the others are awake?"
 "Nah," Dave said, taking a few cautious steps into the room, glancing across
it to make sure his shades were still there. "the others are still snoozing. I
just wanted to grab my shades." He said, motioning across the room to the
nightstand.
 "Well by all means, don't let me stand in your way, dear." Mom said, and went
back to reading her book.
 Okay, what? One minute she's snogging me then the next she'd rather be
reading? Dave felt something strange in the pit of his stomach. It was the
feeling of inadequacy, of being ignored, passed over when care seemed a given.
 He hated it.
 "Mrs. Lalonde?" Dave asked, his voice cracking a bit. Fuck.
 "Yes, dear?" Rose's mother responded, not even looking up from her book.
Dave's stomach twisted inward on itself. Why was he suddenly as important as a
gnat to her? He felt something rise up in the back of his mind, a fire of
complete and unadulterated alphamale-ism. It steeled his gaze, squared his
shoulders, and washed away that pitiable feeling in his stomach. He was Dave
Motherfucking Strider, about to literally be Dave Motherfucking Strider, and
there was no way in hell that book was more interesting than he was. 
 "I've had a white-hot hardon for you since I got here three days ago, and for
all the teasin' and torture I've been put through at your hands, I'm entitled
to compensation." Dave growled out as if he had hopped back to take a few
classes in how to be an old west movie badass. "I think it's time you get
yourself a taste of Strider."
 Mom narrowed her eyes at Dave, putting her book down. He squinted right back
at her. The silence would have been roaring in Dave's ears if it hadn't stopped
making such a danm racket to sit down and watch what would happen next. Mom
chewed on her bottom lip for a second, then glanced behind Dave.
 "The others could wake up any minute. Lock the door."
***** Rodeo *****
By the time Dave hit the bed Mom had already pounced, wrapping her arms around
him and pulling him into a long, sloppy kiss. Dave felt her saliva dripping
down his chin and his dick turned into pure napalm. Awesome. 
 Mom pulled away for a moment, giving Dave a soft smile before reaching down to
his crotch and yanking his pants open.  No fiddling with the button, no
wrestling with the zipper, in a fifth of a second his briefs and the boner
hiding behind them were exposed to the room. 
 "Come here." Mom whispered to Dave and he obeyed, wrapping his arms around her
neck and pulling himself to her as she pulled his pants down to mid-thigh,
shoving her hand down his briefs and ohhhh wow was the only line running
through Dave's head as his member lit up from her touch. She quickly wrapped
her hand around his shaft, just under the head, and he gave out an involuntary
moan, pushing his face closer to her shoulder. Great, he thought, now I'm
making noises straight out of stupid Japanese shit.
 Mom forced her other hand between herself and Dave, pushing them apart as she
gingerly gripped Dave's cock. He felt himself push into her hand as she shoved
him onto his back on the bed, splaying him out on the sheets like a trophy. She
let go of him for a second to pull up his shirt and he heard himself whimper. 
 "Shhh, dear." Rose's mother whispered to him as she bent down to give him a
quick kiss before pulling off his shirt. "Everything will be alright." she
moved her hands to her own shirt, pulling it up and over her head and holy shit
she wasn't wearing a bra. The tits of the dark gods had been unleashed.
 Mom leaned forward on top of Dave, letting her breasts rest against his
crotch, kissing him on the forehead, then the mouth, then the neck. He squirmed
every time he felt her tits rubbing against him, probably letting out one of
the most pitiful moans possible by someone of the Strider clan. For a moment he
had a break in clarity. Here I am splayed out on the bed like this woman's
plaything. Have I brought shame to my family's name by UNNNGH! she had made it
down to his hip, gently sucking to the left of his belly button as she ran a
hand up his member.
 Rose's mom let go of Dave, pulling herself just far away from him to keep from
touching his bare skin. He looked down, afraid that he had just recieved all he
deserved, when Mom smiled. In a way, the smile terrified Dave. All of the
cunning and machination a female psyche could possibly muster was behind that
shallow grin. 
 "I'm glad you're looking now, dear." Mom said softly to Dave. "I wouldn't want
you to miss this." 
 As soon as Mom finished her sentence she moved to the base of Dave's erection,
dragging her tongue slowly all the way to his navel. Dave's vision blacked out
for a second and he felt his fingers weave themselves into Mom's hair, holding
tightly to keep him from being fellated to death. He felt Mom pull away from
him again, and he blinked a few times, his crotch still throbbing to the point
of it hurting. Had he finished that fast? Had the universe coalesced into a
spiraling conical rush of pleasure so mind-numbing that Dave was sure he would
have to review his math lessons just so that he would only be able to enjoy a
few seconds of it? He didn't feel the usual onset of momentary shame, and Mom's
face hadn't been painted white, so he supposed he hadn't.
 "That was... Good..." Dave managed to pant. If his crotch had been napalm he
was now feeling the aftershocks. His ears and face were burning, and he was out
of breath.
 "Come here, dear," Mother said, scooping Dave up into her arms, lying sideways
on the bed and cradling him on top of her as he let every muscle in his body go
limp. "If I'm not mistaken..." Mother gently whispered into his ear as she
began to scratch his back, "... you aren't quite finished yet."
 Whelp, awesome, the Strider legacy is intact. Except for the moaning and hip-
bucking. I can leave that part out of the scroll I construct with the blood of
a thousand men who didn't get to bang a MILF before they were old enough to
smoke, though.
 Dave wrapped his arms around Mom, pulling himself as close to her as possible.
All traces of his old west assertiveness were out the window, gone back to
wherever they came from. He kissed her collar as she gently ran a hand through
his hair.
 "I wish I could keep you forever." she whispered to him. "You are such a good
boy."
 Dave responded by lifting up his head and kissing Rose's mother, nibbling on
her bottom lip and trying to coax her into more. She obliged, slowly mingling
her tongue with Dave's, letting him taste her breath as she sighed into him. He
pulled away after a few seconds, unsure of if he should say what he was
thinking.
 "Mrs. Lalonde, I..." his words froze in his throat. It felt so stupid with him
actually saying it, even if he was actually clinging to her, as naked as she
was.
 Holy fucking shit. This was actually happening. This wasn't some sick dream of
his. Mom was right here, topless, in front of him showering him in love and
affection. Dave's brain tried and failed pitifully to comprehend the situation,
like an emaciated boy with polio trying to shoot a bird out of the air from his
wheelchair with a sniper rifle. Something just wasn't hitting.
 Before Dave could regurgitate how he felt to Mom, she shooshed him, gently
placing a finger on his lips. "I understand Dave. I promise, nothing could make
me happier right now than caring for you. Here, lie down. Now, be a good boy
and give mother a kiss." she said, smiling to him. Dave propped himself up with
his elbow and leaned towards her, ready to have another lip-battle, but she
stopped him, sliding her hands down to his hips and pulling him downwards a
bit. "Not there, here."
 Dave was eye level, face to face with her breasts. For all his metaphor and
witticism, he couldn't even begin to describe them. Big. Round. Nipples. There,
he did his best. He slowly let his mouth cover her entire areola, glancing up
at her. She was smiling softly, stroking his hair. He gave her an experimental
suckle, and barely noticed her biting her bottom lip. It was time for Dave to
repay her for taking care of him. He pulled her whole nipple into his mouth,
massaging it with his tongue and relishing the gasp she let out. He felt her
hand on the back of his head, gently pressing him closer to her. He sucked as
hard as he could, enjoying the short, stifled moan that Mom let out before he
pulled his mouth away from her. 
 Mom's face was a bit red as well now. "Dave... Could you, maybe..." she
trailed off, looking down to her pants as she unbuttoned them.
 Whoa what the fuck she wanted a blowjob now? Pure terror sprang into Dave's
mind. It all made sense now. Everything. All of it. The universe had beamed
down it's brain-searing prophecy to Dave, leaving him nothing but a burnt husk
of a boy with the affection of a tranny with big tits. Wait a second, she
doesn't have a dick! Dave thought before all semblences of conscious thought
ceased to occur. Rose's mother had pulled down her shorts, revealing dark red
panties that were the slightest bit wet. Then she pulled those down as well. 
 "This might seem strange to you, and you-"
 "I'm in." Dave said as he shrugged. Mom was laying on her back now, her
panties down to her knees. Dave gave her another kiss on the lips. Payback
time. He worked his way down her body more slowly than she had with him, first
her neck, moving across it gingerly, then down to her collarbone, down her
breast to drag his tongue across the nipple he hadn't played with already,
before moving down to her stomach, taking his time and stopping at her hips. He
drew his tongue along her hipbone before giving it a quick suck. Mom squirmed
and let out a low moan. Hell yes. 
 Finally, Dave was at her crotch. It was completely bare, and the faintest
smell of lavender drifted into his nose. He realized with an inward grimace
that he had never even seen a female's parts up close before. Then again, he
had a feeling that not many looked this good. Rose's mom was more worked up
about this than Dave could have imagined. She was wet all over, with a bit even
on her thighs.
 "Just... Do what you did with these." Mom said, smiling and running a finger
over her nipple. Go time Dave thought as he lowered his mouth to Mom's clit,
breathing on it and enjoying Mom's reaction before dragging his tongue up the
length of her womanhood. 
 Rose's mother reacted. That was the only way to describe the noise she let out
before doing what Dave had done to her, which was to say grabbing two fistfuls
of hair and making sure that his mouth was going nowhere else. He pushed his
tongue as deep into her as she could, and she moaned and writhed, putting her
legs on his shoulder and squeezing him between them. Dave savored her taste and
after about half a minute, Mom pushed his face into her, her legs almost
choking him as she violently shuddered and shook. A few seconds later, her
entire body relaxed as she let out a satisfied moan.
 "Good boy," she whispered. "Very... good boy."
 Dave crawled back up on top of her, feeling his penis rediscover its tendency
to feel like it was on fire as it just barely grazed her wet pussy. He let
himself lie flat against her and she wrapped her arms around him, stroking his
hair and scratching his back.
 "I think I'm going to have to keep you." Mom said to him. It wasn't a whisper,
and Dave could hear the tone of her voice. She was... happy. After a few
minutes of lying there, caressing Dave softly and ocassionally kissing his
forehead, Mom gave Dave a final squeeze. 
 "Here," she said as she slowly pushed herself up, cradling Dave as she slowly
put him on his back. "I believe I owe you this." Rose's mother went down to
Dave's hip, giving it a small nip before looking back up at him with a soft
smile. Dave locked eyes with her, still breathing heavily from before, which
turned into a pant as Mom wrapped her lips around Dave's erection. He let out a
squeak and bucked his hips as he felt Mom's tongue and lips drag themselves all
the way down to the base of his member. She let out a soft moan and pulled back
to the head, wriggling her tongue and making Dave bite his lip to the point of
it bleeding.
 Mom took all of Dave again, and again, and again, picking up her pace and Dave
gasped for breath and felt his face become as hot as his dick. He had tangled
her hair in his hands again, and was thrusting back in rhythm with her. He felt
himself drawing close to what was sure to be an almost painful orgasm and he
began to rock harder against her, to the point where he was the one doing all
the work, pushing himself into her mouth as far as he could manage, almost to
her throat.
 "I'm... Ung..." Was all Dave could choke out. Then, with a shuddering breath, 
 "Fuuuck!" With one last jerk he pushed himself all the way to her throat,
feeling his cum shoot out into her mouth as his member throbbed in her,
surrounded by her warm, wet mouth and being gently caressed by her tongue. Dave
felt every muscle in his body unwind at once as he collapsed back onto his
back, panting heavily but too tired to wipe the sweat from his brow. He felt
Rose's mother gently pull up his briefs, then his pants, buttoning them for him
before pulling his shirt back over his head, guiding his arms through the
sleeves and leaving him clothed again.
 "What... What about..." Dave managed from his half-awake state. Mom's only
reply was an exaggerated swallow and a smile. "... Oh." Dave managed, before
his eyes became slabs of granite, pulling themselves down. The last thing he
felt before giving in to exhaustion was Mom gathering him up into her arms,
scratching his back and kissing his neck as she gently rocked him to sleep.
 "Such a good boy." Mom whispered in his ear as she continued to cradle him
lovingly in her arms.
***** InterMission *****
 Go. Move. Jump. Roll.
 Bro's mind had long since devolved into concepts, forsaking attaching language
to any part of his thought processes except when necessary. He shot across the
urban Texas skyline, flash-stepping from rooftop to rooftop as he let let the
wind whip against his face and the cold chill his skin. Dave had been gone for
four days now, and Bro was surprised by how much he missed his prodigy already.
 Lonely.
 Bro was lonely. Fucking lonely. He had never spent a Christmas alone after
discovering Dave, and despite his detached relationship with the boy, the two
had grown quite close. Bro landed on the apartment rooftop, his mind easing
back to  the civilized world.
 "I wonder if he misses me..." he thought to himself as he stroked his chin.
The moment Dave had left Bro had ceased all illusion of self-grooming, and the
beginning of a beard coated his face. He was absolutely sure that he reeked, as
he hadn't even looked in the direction of the shower in half a week. "I suppose
I'll call to check up on the tyke." he muttered as he made his way back into
the apartment. Pizza boxes had overrun the kitchen table, and dirty dishes
strangled the sink.
 Bro made his way to his room, picking his way through the garbage that
cascaded into the apartment with the departure of Dave. He tossed his sheets
off his bed, then leaned over it to search for his cell phone in the space
behind it, expecting something to bite his hand. His fingers closed around
something metallic. "Jackpot." he thought as he pulled his phone out from
behind the bed, flipping it open and pausing before he realized he didn't have
the Lalondes' number.
 No problem. The little man had left it taped to the frame of his door. Bro
navigated back through the foggy apartment, enjoying the desolate whine of the
in-window heater as it fought for dear life to keep the room above freezing.
Bro snatched the paper off the doorframe, looking down and scanning through
three or four numbers before finding his mark.
 
***** Eldritch *****
Mom made her way back over to the bed, sitting quietly at the edge of it and
failing to resist the urge to run her hand through Dave's hair. He was
beautiful, his nose tinged the faintest shade of red, his blond hair splayed
out across his face, his mouth in a tiny pout as if he knew she wasn't still
holding him. She was in love with this boy. She wondered how much longer he
would be asleep when he let out a moan, stretching out on the bed as far as he
could and yawning. 
Dave blindly felt his way to Mom's lap, still half asleep, and rested his head
there. He felt Mom's hand rub up and down his back slowly, and he let out a
contended sigh. The phone rang downstairs, and Rose's mom gave Dave a final pat
on the back before standing, making her way quietly out of the room, leaving
the door just slightly ajar as she made her way to the kitchen to answer the
phone.
Dave was waking up more slowly than usual. He felt his consciousness trying to
tug at him to wake up and shove his face into Mom's breasts again, but his body
wouldn't let him. He was more or less sapped of energy. He stretched again,
enjoying the tingle running along his body before two hands grabbed him roughly
by the shoulders, pulling him off the bed and onto the floor. 
Dave's eyes snapped open, and it was Dave. He had literally pulled himself out
of bed. Now that he was on the floor, Dave felt sickly and weak, like before,
but worse.
"Dude we have to get the fuck out of here, go, now." Dave looked at himself
with terrified eyes.
"What-" 
"Just go, man!" Dave yelled at himself as he was pulled off the floor and
shoved towards the doorway. He barely caught his footing as the other him drew
a half-broken sword, still pushing Dave out of the room.
Dave stumbled into the handrail of the stairs as the door was kicked shut
behind him. He looked over the edge, and his friends were gone. The house was
empty and silent. 
Then the shrieking began.
Horrid, twisting wailing in a sick amalgam of languages pierced Dave's ears,
making him double over. He realized what was going on then, with the fuzzy
impression of what he needed to do.
He yanked his turntables from thin air, scratching hard backwards and pulling
himself moments into the past. He could see it now, the sheets of the bed
writhing around his sleep past self. Actually writhing. The damned thing
apparently was 100% pure eldricht horror-silk, and it was hungry as all hell.
Dave rushed over to the bed, yanking his sleeping self off of it as the inky
blackness threatened to swallow him up. He locked eyes with himself for the
second time.
"Dude we have to get the fuck out of here, go, now."
"What-"
"Just go, man!" Dave yelled as he pulled himself off the floor and shoved his
past self to the doorway. He locked his gaze on the mass of sheets that were
swirling in front of him. Now he could make out teeth. Claws. Hideous features
that would leave him at a loss for words if he wasn't so damned heroic. The bed
- or whatever it was masquerading as the bed - shrieked out in anger, the
horrible noise cutting into Dave's ears for the second time in what was only
seconds to him. He raised his half-sword, realizing with a sickening feeling in
his stomach as the monster grew larger and larger that he really was doomed.
Dave shot up from the bed with a yelp, fighting the sheets that seemed intent
to destroy him. After a full quarter second of being a frothy-mouthed idiot, he
realized that he wasn't being eaten, and he glanced around to make absolutely
sure that a horrorterror wasn't waiting in the immediate vicinity with some
hellish spork-knife weapon in tentacle. Despite the room being clear of hungry
eldritch horrors, Dave still pulled himself out of the bed, feeling jumpy after
the dream. In all his naps and snoozes and near-comas, he had never used time
travel in a dream, at least as far back as he could remember. Either heavy shit
was about to go do, or he was due for an ass-whipping from some redneck trucker
or something.
Dave made his way out of the room just fast enough to barely betray his intent
to get the fuck out of that place. He forcibly ground his pace back to the
apathetic swagger about halfway down the stairs as he spotted John, Jade, and
Rose lying around the living room in various states of near-comatose boredom.
John perked up as Dave met the bottom of the stairs.
"Wow, you've been out for a while, Dave! Rose's mom had to go check up on you
and everything to make sure you hadn't been eaten or something."
"Didn't see any crocs in there, so I'm pretty sure I'm safe around here." Dave
replied, wondering if John was secretly some nightmare puppetician, weaving
fear and terror into the fabric of dreams themselves as his unwitting victims
slept.
He was probably also a juggalo too.
"My mother made a quick run to the grocery store after you decided to splay
yourself out in her bed like some sort of pagan offering. Whenever she gets
back we could take up John's suggestion of going to the park, if you aren't too
busy throwing yourself in her general direction and hoping you stick." Rose
said. It seemed he eldritch barbs had been sharpened, and she was ready to get
stabby. 
"Rose you should know as much as I enjoy your mother's sexual comfort I
wouldn't do anything like that in your house."
"I should hope not."
"Yeah, besides, it's your mother coming on to me, not the other way around.
Really though I figured you'd be tired of bringing up your shapely mom's lust
for me. Are you all right?" Dave let a bit of genuine concern trickle into his
voice. The last day or two this was practically all that Rose and Dave had
spoken about. It was getting borderline Freudian, then extremely Freudian.
Hell, it was probably bordering on meta-Freudian and if it kept up Dave was
worried that he might realize that Rose was jealous or genuinely put-off or
something like that.
"I'm quite alright." Small falter and pause between quite and alright.
Confirmed for bullshitting. 
"Okay then if you're right as rain I suppose there's nothing I could do. No
amount of fresh beats or smuppet cinematography could swing your mood further
up the happy tree, so I'll just pitch my vote in for going to the park and
watching Egbert fall out of the swings like a retarded koala."
"Hey! I've gotten a lot better at keeping my balance since last time!" Egbert
interjected. His honor had been insulted, and the time to draw blood was nigh.
Death fight on the jungle gym, loser dies and is forgotten, winner leaves with
dignity intact. 
"Yeah he has! There was only a little bit of screaming and I didn't need to
shake him that much to get him to let go of the seat!" Jade breathlessly added.
She sat there with a grin that could be rivaled only by a lobotomy patient in a
toothpaste commercial before noticing John's decidedly less than appreciative
glare. She responded by squeezing her hands together, tilting her head
together, and making sure that toothpaste commercial had nothing on her.
Fucking adorable, fucking incontestable, and as John's sigh noted, fucking
functional.
"Alright well when's your mom gonna be back Rose?" Dave turned from the near-
blindingly over the top cheesy adorableness that was Jade before his brain
started sizzling.
"Any minute now I should hope. I have a feeling my seething rage is going to
require a safety belt to keep me from eviscerating you." Rose was back to
smirking, of course, but Dave had no doubt that she would attempt to annihilate
him given the chance. It was kinda hot, especially since she would have no
chance of defeating the mighty bastard of time and his armada of selves with
nothing better to do.
"Yeah I'd like to see you try to eviscerape me or whatever it is you said you'd
do."
***** Roulette *****
                Jay smiled half-drunkenly at the young man standing in front of
him. He grabbed his beer bottle off the counter, glancing at the punk's
upturned hat on the bar, full of cash, before bringing his bottle down on the
bartop, shattering it. This little asshole was about to get his due for
waltzing into the middle of this watering hole with a damn puppet and trying to
beg.
                "I hope ye got enough donashuns a cover yer trip a the
hospittle." Jay sneered at the young man standing defiantly in his way. The boy
probably weighed about half as much as Jay, and even though he had thin muscles
along his arms, Jay knew from the look of the boy's wonky shades that the kid
hadn't ever been in a serious barfight. He was carrying around a puppet, for
God's sake! Jay laughed to himself as he pushed himself off the barstool,
waving his bottle and stumbling a bit.
                "Alright, less havit."
                The punk nodded in reply. He hadn't said one word since he
walked in. Instead of squaring up, raising his fists, and getting ready to take
his beating like a man, the boy held up his puppet. Laughter rang out around
the whole bar.
                "Do you believe this little shit! He's thinkin at puppet's
gonnuh saveim er sumthin!"
                Then the boy flickered away, leaving the puppet floating in the
air. Moving. On its own. Dancing in place.
                Then the first punch flew across Jay's face.
                He fell to his side, the broken bottle flying out of his hand.
He felt his face turn redder than normal as he let out a yell, standing back
up, tottering forward, and taking a wild swing at the puppet.
                The puppet dodged, then slapped him across the face before Jay
received a kick to the back of the knee, putting him to a kneel. The young man
flickered back into sight, the puppet in-hand, before he brought a fist down on
the back of Jay's head. The blow didn't knock Jay unconscious, but his face
hitting the cold bar floor did.
                The bar was completely silent. Somewhere in the back an old,
raspy voice shouted out, "Hot damn!", and that was it.
                Bro strode over to the bar, picking up his hat and pulling out
a twenty, nodding to the barkeep as he tossed it on the countertop before
marching out of the watering hole. He crossed across the mostly empty parking
lot to a waiting semi, pulling himself up into the passenger seat and stealing
a glance at the horizon. The sun had just set. His driver, cloaked in shadow
despite the glow of the console, grunted.
                "How much'd you pull in, kid?" his voice was smooth, but mean,
a verbal fuzzy caterpillar, its fur laced with venom despite its pleasing
appearance.
                Bro merely shrugged in reply. He hadn't yet counted the money,
but he pulled what he estimated was about a hundred out of his cap, offering it
to his driver.
                "Nah, kid. You keep it. Anyone that can fight his way through
eleven bars in a day deserves more than half his own keep." he said, waving a
hand dismissively before bringing it down. The shadowy man wrapped his fingers
around the faux-diamond tipped gearshift, pulling it towards him and letting
loose the air breaks with a squeal. He turned to Bro slightly, the shadows
never leaving his face despite the truck cab rolling into the light. "Let's get
you where you need to be."
                The truck pulled out onto the highway, engine belching smoke as
the engine roared. Within seconds the bar was out of sight, and Bro leaned back
in his seat, turning his gaze skywards for a moment before closing his eyes.
Smooth jazz filled the cabin, crackling with the radio as Bro slipped off to
sleep.
                Two hours later, and Bro was back awake, the airbrakes of the
semi not being enough of a cushion from the potholes that his driver may or may
not have been intentional hitting.
                "Rest stop up ahead, kid." the shadow in the driver's seat said
to Bro as the truck slowed, the brakes squealing as they pulled into a well-lit
parking lot. Bro glanced out the window. This wasn't a truck stop. This was a
fucking casino. A big one.
                For something supposedly out in the middle of nowhere between
Texas and New York, the place was huge. At least fifteen floors, the outside
lit up by swirling patterns of color along the windows. There was even a
fountain outside the front door, carved in the shape of four playing cards.
Cheeky, but Bro could see a bit of irony in it.
                "Where are we?" Bro asked, letting his eyebrow haul itself up
to just above his shades.
                "A few hours ahead of schedule is where we are. This is my home
away from home. Let's go pay the rest of the crew a visit." The shadowy man
threw the semi into park, letting the brakes vent before cutting the ignition
and opening the door. "Something wrong, kid? You got plenty of scratch on you
to waste."
                Bro shrugged in reply and pushed the passenger door open,
dropping neatly to the ground as his driver circled around the front of the
semi. Even through the well-lit parking lot, his face was still blacked out,
his eyes reduced to slits.
                "Follow me, kid, and stay close. There might be shit going down
tonight."
                The two made their way across the parking lot. Bro glanced
around it. Not many cars, or anything for that matter. Mostly just 50s-era
replicas that almost looked like they were covered in a fine layer of dust. Bro
killed the twitch to his lip that was on his way. He should've brought Cal with
him.
                The dark man took the lead of the two, passing by the fountain
to the large blacked-out double doors. He stopped before pulling one open.
"Stay close, kid. We shouldn't need to be here for long."
                The driver half-kicked open the door, and light and sound
flooded out, washing over Bro and almost surprising the hell out of him.
                Almost.
                The casino was flashier on the inside than the outside, and
despite the deserted parking lot, it was full to the brim of people of all
shapes and sizes. There was a main stage at the far end of the room, where a
band was haphazardly hammering out swing music, mixing it with the sounds of
chatter, conversation, and slot machines. Bro took it all in slowly before
reaching into his pocket, wrapping his fingers around the wad of cash he had
spent the day accruing.     
                Thankfully, he wasn't a gambling man.
                Bro followed his driver through the massive lobby to the front
counter. A massive man sat behind the bars, resting his chin on his hand and
leaning on his elbow, flipping through a magazine as if this place was a boring
office job.
                "Hey, hearts!" the driver shouted out as they neared the
counter. The gargantuan man looked up, and Bro realized that his face was
darkened out as well. Looks like his driver wasn't an anomaly.
                "Hey Droog," Hearts said, already shifting back to his bored
posture. "Was wondering when you'd make it in."
                "I ran across a passenger." Droog said, motioning over his
shoulder at Bro. "He'll be pretty damn handy in about ten seconds from now."
                Bro wondered just what the hell Droog meant when the main set
of doors burst open. A man in a green suit marched in. Then another. And
another, all in a neat, single-file line, filing out into the area just inside
the door. Fourteen in all, Bro counted, wearing identical suits despite their
differing builds and hats. Each had a number. A woman strode in last, letting
the door shut with a soft bang after her. Her face was dark, just like Hearts's
and Droog's. Bro couldn't even make out her eyes underneath her wide-brimmed
hat, but he could see the whip concealed in the sleeve of her trenchcoat.
                The whole casino was silent for a few seconds before the
microphone on the main stage let out a squeal. Another pitch-black form had
vaulted up onto the stage, wrenching the mic away from the singer. He let out a
nasty laugh.
                "Looks like the party's all here! Last one out the door in a
coffin wins!" He cackled, drawing a tommy gun seemingly out of nowhere.
                Bro's vision flicked past Droog, who caught a poolstick that
Hearts tossed to him, to the group in the front of the casino. Each drew a
different type of gun, and as the guests in the casino's shrieked and ducked,
Bro stood stock-still.
                "Here you go, kid." Droog said from behind Bro. Bro turned just
in time to catch his sword, letting the sheath drop off of it to the floor. He
nodded to Droog, who began marching into the crowd. The man on stage let out
another mean laugh.
                "Let's party!" He said before spraying bullets in the direction
of the door. Scream echoed out, and Bro dropped low as all hell broke loose.
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