Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/12172464. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage Category: M/M Fandom: 방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS Relationship: Kim_Taehyung_|_V/Park_Jimin Character: Kim_Taehyung_|_V, Park_Jimin_(BTS), Jeon_Jungkook, Min_Yoongi_|_Suga, Kim Namjoon_|_Rap_Monster, Kim_Seokjin_|_Jin, Jung_Hoseok_|_J-Hope Additional Tags: Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced_Self-Harm, Blood, Blood_and_Gore, Depression, Omorashi, One-Sided_Relationship, LGBTQ, Sexuality, Romance, Love, Saddness, sucidal, Non-Sexaul, Fluff, bts_-_Freeform, Sanity, Explicit_Language, verbal, Slice_of_Life, happiness, Ruined_my_life_lol, bangtan_boys_-_Freeform, Random_-_Freeform, small_series, Plot, Kinda, Love_is_an_Illusion, I_Wrote_This_Instead_of_Sleeping, Ruined_Taehyung, kpop, Cute, Anger, Fear, small_jimin, Little, GOSH, thoughts, Horror, Plot_Twist Stats: Published: 2017-09-24 Chapters: 2/? Words: 2444 ****** A Perfect Life, Will Never Define How Perfect It Really Was ****** by TinyBangtanScrub Summary Sometimes Taehyung just laughs. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, it always seemed to come back even stronger and fuck him. Yeah, because Park Jimin is such a shitty slut that makes Taehyung cry for fucking days. Love being an illusion was great, an illusion that spread his life to want to cripple for an end. Notes What the fuck, did I just do; oh my god. I got carried away and made it a bit graphic read at you're own risk. TRIGGER WARNING CAUSE IM EMO. It See the end of the work for more notes ***** A World Doesn't End Without A Fight [I Guess I Lost That] *****   -   -   -     Mad. Taehyung is fucking mad. Actually, he's too tired to be mad. He just causally strolls over Jimin, only to see him giggling like a bitch on his new iPhone. The boy has adorable chubby cheeks and the cutest small hands. Taehyung laughs at the olders cuteness and walks over to his Hyung.      "What are you doing, hyung?" He asks, nudging on the boy's shoulder. "Oh, nothing!" Jimin quickly hides his face, while Taehyung teases. "Oh, I see. I'm not you're best friend anymore?" An over-dramatic gasp leaves his mouth. "It's not like that! I love you more than anyone in is universe!"    Then date me, Taehyung wants to grumble but instead play's along and grins.    "Who were you talking to, Chim?" Jimin immediately shakes his head. "Nobody," it's an obvious lie but Taehyung finds it absolutely adorable. "Oh really? So if I went on you're phone you're little girlfriend won't be the first thing to pop up." It's a fucking joke. Taehyung meant for it to be a joke, but when Jimin's eyes went big in panic Taehyung's heart stoped.   "How did you know?" Jimin asks, hands fittling around.    "Wait, what?" He's joking. He's fuckingjoking.   Taehyung wants to call 911, because he's sure 99% sure he's going to have a heart attack. If not then he might die at the spot.    "I met her a week ago, I really like her! She's nice to." Jimin cheekily grins. Taehyung slowly hums in reponse. "Okay," I knew you for like six years but I'm not compaining, he feels like adding, but just doesn't have the energy to. "You okay?" Jimin pokes.    "Yeah, just fine."    "Well, okay! I'm going to call her–oh and Tae, let's keep this between us."    Sure.   -     Taehyung is crying. He's crying to the point where he can't even breathe. He has to stop for a moment, stop everything and just let his heart crumble. He couldn't do anything.He's such a dick, how can someone live knowing that their heart broken over their friend's happiness. Maybe it was because Taehyung thought of Jimin as more than a friend. Taehyung really had thought he had something with the boy, but now learned he was wrong. So damn wrong.    Stop   You—You  even letme have a chance.   Fucking stop.    It's burning. M-My chest is burning I–   I_can't_breathe.    FUCK_YOU._YOU_FUCKING_SLUT,_HOW_COULD_YOU?   Was it me? Is it weird that I like guys?   No. I forget, you're not a guy.    Youre a bitch. You're so inhuman.    Look. Look at what you're making me do—       Blood. Blood that Taehyung swearshe never knew got there. He doesn't even know if it's his blood. He was so angry he might have killed Park Jimin, but he looks down and-   Oh.   So it is his. Seeping red, pretty. Taehyung never liked looking at blood, and he's sure no one else does, unless you're a fucking psycho. It's just something that makes him smile. It makes him feel so happy. Happy in a way that you know you did everything you could. Just, justice didn't choose you.    There was a sharp blade in his hand. It's weird, weird that he really hates cutting. Cutting was stupid and pointless to him; Yet, here he is. Drawing curves, lines, and scars that will never heal across his body—just to remind him that Park Jimin did this. That Park Jimin was the first person that could ever really hurt him.    He brushes the blade over his thighs and stab them. He stabs and stabs, dots and dots of blood. So fucking much. He wants to feel the pain. So he purposely grinds the knife up and down, creating a small entree to open flesh.    Taehyung knew he needed to stop. He would kill himself if he didn't. Not that he cared, anyway.    He lets out out a small wimper. The pain is finally getting to him, and even for a man it fucking stings. This is why he doesn't cut. He'll get aggressive until he doesn't stop.    ___________________________________________________________________________       "How's you're girlfriend?" Taehyung joins in on Jimin's and Jungkook's conversation, leaving Jimin to gently smack Taehyung's thigh making him flinch. "Did I hurt you?" Confused, Jimin quickly apologized. "No, I just hurt my leg." I wasn't lying. Jimin seems to understand and nods.    "You have a girlfriend, hyung?" The youngest looks seemingly okay. "Why, you jelly?" The older teases. Jungkook chuckles. "Honestly, kinda. Who wouldn't be jealous if they had you?" Okay, back the fuckoff. I already have one bitch on Jimin, don't need another one.  Taehyung actually rolls his eyes and Jungkook scoffs.    "What? You don't like Jimin?"    Taehyung blushes.   "No, why would I like Jimin?" It's as if their talking like Jimin wasn't behind them, but the thing is, his is. So when the smaller hides his head and rubs his eyes Taehyung fucking breaks."Oh, sorry. Something got in my eye." He's clearly lying, and even when Taehyung tries to touch him he backs off, like he was scared.   "I got to go, we can talk later...or whatever." Jimin awkwardly huffs before leaving. Jungkook is surprised when Taehyung starts to outright sob infront of him.    He also leaves, telling Tae that Jimin will forgive him and it's not a big deal or something he should cry about. It is, it really is. For starters, he feels like a complete dick. It was wrong, so r wrong to like Jimin. He had a girlfriend for fuck sake. He was his band member. He needed to throw away whatever affection or love he felt. Not that it was going be cured, if anything it would worsen.   He'd fall into depression and probably continue self-harm. Who wants that?    So the boy quickly mutters to himself that he and Jimin were nothing more than friends and they never would be.    Simple   as   that.     •     ***** Lying About You, Seems To Slowly Reflect ***** Chapter Summary Taehyung talks to Yoongi about what he feels, maybe his advice could help. So he finally mans up to talk to Jimin, only to listen on something that he'll never. Fucking. Forget. Chapter Notes I feel really bad for making this, but I'm about to feel even worse for making you read this....have fun.   ;) See the end of the chapter for more notes   -     -     -     Taehyung still hasn't found out a way to talk to Jimin without fucking their entire friendship. Though, that seems really impossible considering Jimin wouldn't even look at him. Oh and fuck, that's not even the worst thing. Jimin would constantly talk to his girlfriend, let's also not forget that Jimin would giggle.He would fucking giggle. If that wasn't weird then let me tell you that Taehyung found the boy sneaking out of the dorm at three in the morning. How did Taehyung know this?   Because he's a pussy and stalks his crush.   Yeah, he's scared of the cutest boy in the world. Taehyung really might need help. Mental help. See, their company made them do weird things. For example, they made them take pills to calm their hormones. Seriously, it was weird. Not only that, but they were monitered on their phones and computers to track hackers so they basically said goodbye to porn, or had to face the humiliation of one of the staff members raising an eyebrow at their history.    Life was great.   Taehyung needed to talk to someone, anyone. It was getting annoying that he had to bottle his feelings until he couldn't take it anymore, that being said, he cried himself to sleep;    -   "Help me, Hyung."Taehyung pushes through Yoongi's studio.   The man looks back and takes his headphones off. "What happened?"    "Park Jimin happened," Tae mumbles in response. Yeah, alright. He's being a sissy about the situation, but when you meet Jimin in real life you'll fall in fucking love and melt at the second. Taehyung is just surprised that a random girl could have caught the 22 year olds attention and not someone like him. He's fucking bitter, no need to repeat. So what? He literally cries himself to sleep because of the beautiful piece of shit.    "What did Jimin do?" Yoongi's voice is deep and strained, obviously overworked. "He fucked up my whole life." Yoongi is outright surprised. Taehyung never really cussed, (cough cough, lies) he was quite and cheeky. "How?" The producer is confused and feels like sleeping not talking to someone with daddy issues.    "He has a girlfriend, that's how." Taehyung begins to tear up and the thought. He really hates Jimin.    "Yeah, he's a dude." Yoongi doesn't understand the younger one bit. "Hyung, I like him. I've liked him for five-fucking-years, and he comes at me. 'Saying, hey! I hate you so I'll break you're heart, then stab it with mine.'," broken. "He played me." Yoongi adverts his eyes, squinting them slightly. He sighs, before swearing.    "I'm not sure how to respond, honestly." Taehyung begins to cry quietly. "Look, you have to understand that the world is a complete mess. No one will be there to clean it for you. I can clearlysee you're a bit emotional." Taehyung doesn't know if he should nod or be hurt at the last sentence.    "What do I do...? Because–honestly, I don't fucking know." Tears freely run down his face. "Actually," Taehyung chokes on his tounge. "I'm hurting myself." Yoongi raised his head at the words.   "Okay," he waits for Taehyung to proceed.   "I need advice, please." He's begging.    Is this what you wanted?   Slut.   Hoe.   Bitch.   Cunt.    What's funny is that these words aren't even directed to Jimin anymore. Their there for him. They always were. It's not really Jimin doing this. Jimin has done absolutely nothing. It's him that tell himself these things. What a fucking petty.    "I'll help you, just don't hurt yourself anymore." Why can't Jimin say that?   "Thank you," Why is it that I'm always the fucking one?   "Don't worry."  I won't.    _     So, here Taehyung is. Sighing his ass off. He's ready to do it. He wants to forget what Yoongi just told him to do.   "Tell him how you feel, you can't blame him for something he doesn't know that's hurting you."    Taehyung really hates Yoongi, but knows that if he doesn't tell him now then he'll probably end up killing himself.       Just as he's about to open the door he hears talking. Not on the phone talking, actual two people in the same room. It's definitely Jimin. And it's definitely the annoying ass pitched voice he's heard for six months.       "I love you," she speaks. Jimin giggles. "Me too, Noona!" So the bitch is older. You know what, at this point Taehyung gives zero fucks. He doesn't even knock, just pushes the knob; feeling outright accomplished. The girl almost screams, but doesn't once Jimin struggles to cover himself with the blanket next the them. What the fuck.    "Were not supposed to have girls in the dorm, Hyung."    "Taehyung! What the fuck are you doing, get out!" Jimin yells, throwing a pillow at the younger boy.    "You're gross, having sex in a dorm full of boys?" Jimin reaches to grab his phone but Taehyung runs and actually fucking breaks it. He throws it on the ground and stomps on it with all his force. You know what, he was wrong. Jimin is a slut.    "What the hell?" Jimin doesn't even yell this time. He's truly angry. His voice is deeper than it had been. He's not smiling at Taehyung he's glaring. The girl only looks at both boys. "Get the fuck out."  Taehyung directs to the half naked girl and she takes her clothes and leaves.    Both men just stare at each other for at least ten seconds before Taehyung is punching and pulling Jimin. Jimin does the same, throwing Taehyung on the floor. Soon their both screaming at each other.    Taehyung bashes Jimin's head on the desk, but not after Jimin kicks him in the stomach breaking the window while making Taehyung fly. Taehyung picked up a shard and stabbed Jimin's thigh, making him scream. It's not before the older is done with Taehyung's bullshit and begins chocking Taehyung as he struggles for air. Yoongi is literally running to the area and kicks Jimin's back so Taehyung doesn't fucking die.    Everyone is rushing to pin the two down before it gets even worse.   "I told you to fucking talk to him, not kill him. Dumbass."Yoongi breathes out, still holding the struggling boy.    -   "You're dead."Their leader shouts. "What in the fuck, were you thinking." Namjoon is furious, their manager and PD-min is in back talking to medics and doctors. "But, you're time is up. You guys can be kicked out, but big hit is nice enough to only press minor charges on you two." No one says a word. "Answer me"The words are so sharp, it makes Taehyung flinch in his seat.    "It's his fucking fault, if that's what you want to know." Jimin scoffs, but Taehyung punches him in the nose. "Hey!" Their manager screams. Jimin rubs his nose while Taehyung crosses his arms.    "Unlike you, I'm not a slut."    "I can kill you, I can fucking kill you."Jimin is serious. His eyes are filled with fire   "I'd like to see you're slutty ass try." Jimin gets up but Hoseok yells at him to sit the hell down.    "One at a time. Jimin you first, I don't want to here a word out of you until he's done speaking, same for you Jimin." Taehyung leans back and just waits for whatever the hell the man had to say.    "So, I have a girlfriend." "I had her over, and Taehyung just barged in on us. I did absolutely nothing, and he broke my phone. He hit me so I hit him. Simple as that."   Namjoon nods, "First of all, you shouldn't have had her over, it's not allowed." Taehyung smirks. "Second, Taehyung shouldn't have broke you're phone or have evertouched you." Taehyung stays silent and looks down.    "Taehyung, now you can talk."    "Are you sure? Because I have a lot to fucking say." He squeezes his hand with a cold expression. Namjoon waits for him to talk.    "I've been really damn depressed. Sodepressed, so I talked to Yoongi Hyung about what I was feeling. I was overwhelmed because of something that happened." He was hinting at Jimin. "I just didn't like that Jimin had a girlfriend...and I got a bit surprised."    "I wanted to talk to Jimin about it, but I lost control when he was with her. So I just kinda lashed out..." he feels the blood swirling around in his veins.      "Okay," Namjoon sighs. "I don't really know why you would lash out at Jimin having a girlfriend." Namjoon pauses and parts his lips. He looks at Taehyung for a brief moment. "It's okay to feel depressed just make sure you don't hurt yourself or anyone else because of it. Okay?" Taehyung wants to laugh, because he's done both of those things.   _     -     -     -     Chapter End Notes MMMMMMM End Notes Now, who likes this series? Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!