Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/11085543.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Erwin_Smith
  Character:
      Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Erwin_Smith, Furlan_Church, Isabel_Magnolia,
      Mike_Zacharias, Original_Female_Character(s), Original_Male_Character(s)
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Modern_Setting, Doctor!Erwin, student!levi, Age
      Difference, Romantic_Fluff, Fluff_and_Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Consensual
      Underage_Sex, Daddy_Kink, daddy!erwin, Levi_is_a_Little_Shit, erwin_is
      falling_fast_and_hard, From_Sex_to_Love
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-06-04 Updated: 2018-02-15 Chapters: 5/14 Words: 25547
****** A Man Like You ******
by ScandalWay
Summary
     He dragged a hand down his face, aggravated, while he smoked the
     umpteenth cigarette, during the umpteenth break from work: he was
     going crazy, he was renegading everything that was a pilaster of his
     life.
     He’d cheated on his wife, even if she’d soon become his ex.
     He had sex without feeling committed, only because hormones compelled
     him.
     He’d fucked a seventeen year old, didn’t matter if he looked older.
     And he even did it without protection that last time.
     Damn it, he was becoming an horrible person. How could he manage to
     look at himself in the mirror? How? He was forty and he behaved like
     a twenty year old, prey to his own desire. Was it a sympthom that he
     was threading in midlife crisis? But he wasn’t even fifty and he
     didn’t feel old in the slightest!
     “Shit. Shit. Shit.”
Notes
     First of all, a premise: this translation was kindly made by
     HardHeaded; you can find the link to her page in the notes at the end
     of the page.
     Hello everyone! We’re back with a long fic. *Jubilant screams*
     We’ve worked hard on it for many months and at the moment it’s our
     longest (135 pages adding the extra). We’re very proud of what we
     managed to create and with controlling and revising it many times to
     avoid posting hideous things it wasn’t easy…
     Well, we’re really glad. We hope you like this too.
     We wish you a good reading… we’ve not set a posting schedule as of
     yet, but we’ll tell you in the next chapter.
     Mind visiting our Facebook_page (only Italian), we try to update with
     hints and news about our works. >w<
      
     From_Translator: Hi everyone, it’s HardHeaded! The authors were so
     kind as to permit me to translate their work, because I think it’s
     pretty good and it’s a shame such a restricted part of the fandom
     could read it.
     So yes, take this as a kind of disclaimer: I don’t own SnK nor this
     story, I’m a mere translator.
  This work was inspired by
      A_Man_Like_You by ScandalWay
***** Chapter 1 *****
Since about six months his life had took a totally unexpected turn: he still
had trouble keeping up with that new conception of reality; on the other hand,
after twenty years of marriage, what others expected of him wasn’t very clear
to him.
He swinged to third gear along the street that crossed the neighborhood.
He was tired, worn down by the exhausting shifts at work that week in the
hospital. He hadn’t had a decent meal in… maybe a few days; he looked at the
cellphone screen: three missed calls and a text from his wife.
He wasn’t surprised reading she wouldn’t be home, it was typical and he’d lost
the will or the instinct to get nervous; some years ago he’d started to accept
that some of their traits were completely irreconcilable.
That she preferred going out with friends instead of going out to dinner with
him when they had free time, that he’d rather spend the night in a hotel, near
the hospital, than go home when a surgery requited all of his afternoon.
He reclined back in his seat, trying to relax his sore muscles and neck and
shoulder tendons, one arm distended over the wheel, the left hand massaging his
temples, while he waited in the city traffic caused by the return of families
to their homes.
He looked at his wrist, the steel rolex said it was twenty-seven past seven pm;
it wasn’t too late, he’d had far worse shifts.
By now, the sun was down, coating in orange and crimson light the roofs and
profiles of the glass buildings whose shadow covered the streets and commercial
district.
If Nora had been home, he could have spent the night in the hotel five minutes
of car travel away from the hospital; with a grimace and a sigh he thought
there was a book he needed to consult in the library back at home: he had a
tough case for which he needed to take a look at some notions he’d learned back
at Yale.
He grabbed the cellphone, quickly dialing a number he knew by heart.
A few rings and he heard a voice on the other side.
“Noah, how are you? Are you alright now?”
The kids were his only joy he had, but one he didn’t have a chance to enjoy:
Erwin would have liked to raise them in a cheerful environment, close like a
traditional family, while Nora preferred to leave them with some nanny and
raise them in a spartan way. In the end they’d opted for them being raised by a
nanny and sent them in a private school, and then college, as soon as they were
old enough to go to school.
He never saw them lately.
They were away most of the time, by now they lived with their grandmother in a
house out of the city chaos, only a few blocks away from the high school and
the middle school his youngest had just started.
They had an attic in the city centre, in the Upper East Side of Manhattan, even
if by now, talking in plurals wasn’t all that correct. He could say that they
occupied it in alternation, first her then him, meeting only once a week if
ever.
He felt like he was back to being a bachelor in the big city.
Maybe, at forty was too late to learn how to live single; he’d only been twenty
when he met Nora and since he’d seldom felt the need to cheat on her -which he
never did anyway because it went against everything he believed in life- he
never needed occasional lovers. Or, that was what he told himself before, at
least.
A little red light pulsed on the car’s dashboard while a light, but persistent
and annoying sound spread inside the vehicle. Erwin looked beyond the wheel.
With an irritated sigh, he bid Noah goodbye, with the promise of calling again
after dinner.
Yeah, he just needed the fuel in stock.
He was still a good ten kilometres away from home and the reserve only lasted
for five, if even.
He looked around, searching for a gas station, with no luck: only shops,
restaurants and streets that branched out in the residential blocks. The
commercial district was over, there must have been something!
It took him two crossroads and a snail pace due to the traffic, before
discovering a gas station in a side street.
It was only a hundred metres from the start of the street. He sighed when he
turned off the ignition. He was so tired, he just wanted to go home and sleep
until morning.
“How much?” asked a male voice, a boy.
“Full. Diesel.” he answered quickly if a little rudely, without even looking at
him, fumbling a bit with the seatbelt, pulling the brake and getting out.
He inspired, the iar a bit cold for his shirt and tie -the jacket was abandoned
on the passenger seat.
He looked around, a cigarette packet in his hands while he smelled the fuel in
the air; he’d heard thet smoking while in a gas station was a great way to make
the habit go away, but he kept having it: the rare cigarette he smoked, he
wanted to smoke them without someone lecturing him on it.
He brought one to his lips, lighting it and breathing.
Smoke invaded his throat and then down, to his lungs; he didn’t appreciate it
for the taste, but because it made him feel calm, disregarding all the day’s
tension.
A wisp of smoke licked at his lips, a thin cloud that disappeared in the
slightly colder breeze that slipped under his shirt and messed his usually
perfectly combed hair, like they were that morning and like how he liked to
keep them, for professional image.
He looked around lazily at the shapes of the roofs around him, a different
scenario from what he was used to.
Leaning with an elbow on the car’s roof, he looked at the guy that was
refilling the fuel tank. He was turned, Erwin could see his profile. It was
sharp, but still soft from the still ongoing adolescence, it was clear how
young he was.
The boy looked at the speedometer, then, maybe feeling observed, he turned
toward him.
He had a cold stare, like metal.
He didn’t knwo what happened, but something switched, something he though he
could only feel with a pretty woman with good curves and soft hips, surely not
for a young boy -because he couldn’t have been older that his eldest, Allison-
with a not so jovial attitude. Erwin loved women with cheerful smiles and a
soft voice, but seeing those gunmetal eyes looking at him with nothing but
boredom, had definitely done something to him.
The cigarette nearly fell from his lips.
The boy looked down, unconcerned, feeling the sound of the now full tank and
putting the handle back in its place. He closed everything up and neared him.
“It’s 59 dollars.” he said.
He had a monochord voice, toneless, but to Erwin it sounded a little higher and
hoarse than his kid’s, but not childlish in the least.
It didn’t have color, but he reputed it a pretty voice.
He got his wallet from his back pocket, extractin a fifty bill and a ten bill.
“Keep the rest”.
He sneaked a glance at the boy’s expression, looking at him more closely now
while he took the money. He had dark lashes, curved upwards, that thinned his
stare; a little nose, a bit upturned, and thin lips, a little moist, thight on
that porcelain face with stern traits.
Without further waiting, he put the wallet back, dropping the cigarette to the
ground and stomping on it.
The boy had wandered away and he didn’t look at him again while he got back in
the car, starting the engine and going home.




“I have a question.” He breathed out the smoke.
He glanced at the hospital entrance: the sun shined on the glass of the back
door and it hit his eyes just a moment before he turned into the little green
area.
They’d taken a five minute break after a surgery that had lasted several hours
that morning. His colleague looked at him without speaking, favoring his own
cigarette instead. He was a tall man, taller than Erwin, with a moustache under
the nose that faded into a less cared for beard along his jaw and eyes that
looked at you without any particular expression. He looked anything but a
surgeon, but he’d graduated from the same University with stellar grades.
Erwin looked at him for a moment, eyes still stinging from the hot, blazing sun
that shined even through it was the end of September; then he took them away,
toward a leafeless orange tree.
“Do you think it’s easy to get on the other side?”
A sudden cough startled him, while the other stared at him pointedly.
“What do you mean?”
Erwin glanced at him while attempting a guilty smile. “Just what I said. I
always tought I was only attracted to women, I’ve never pondered the question
truly.” He breathed again from the cigarette. “But some days ago I saw a guy
and…”
“I think you can be phisically attracted, regardless of gender.”
“Were you attracted by women before?”
“Before Nanaba.”
Erwin smiled, breathing out and dropping the cigarette, crushing it with the
heel of his dark shoe.
“Break’s over, Mike. Best go back before they drag us in by the ear.”
Mike snickered, shaking his head and copying Erwin’s motions, before following
him inside the building.










The bottle whistled a little, with a gurgling of bubbles when he opened it, a
rivulet of liquid dripping down the neck and wetting his fingers.
He took a long sip, he didn’t particularly like Redbull, but he ackownledged
that after the first time it’d become sort of a drug.
He’d just sat down on the edge of a table, when the bottle was snatched from
his grasp; some of the liquid fell on his shirt and chin.
He looked grimly at the boy who’d taken it and that was smiling merrily.
“I don’t want you gobbling it all up, let me have some too.” He said impudently
with his light eyes looking pointedly at him before taking a long sip himself.
It was lete morning, September was almost over and it was so hot it seemed
middle August, damn it.
“It’s so fucking hot.” whined the boy, looking at the street, the noise of the
cars passing mixing with the distant sounds of the city.
Levi didn’t answer, opting to calmly look at the cars coming and going without
really seeing them. The station’ roof shed them from the sun, but not from the
heat that, even if not as humid as in summer, was still making its heavy
presence known. He’d never had to put on shorts at the beginnings of October.
“You didn’t come today.” Farlan’s voice cut him from his reverie; it had a
disapproving tone, but he didn’t point it out.
He looked at him from the corner of his eye, seeing him sit down beside him
with the bottle stil in his hands.
He redirected his metallic stare forward again, blank.
“No.”
“Will you come tomorrow?”
“Don’t know. Don’t care anymore.”
“Levi.” The warning was clearer when he said his name, and it compelled him to
turn and look at his friend’s hard face that was blaming, but not judging.
“This wasn’t the agreement.”
The raven sighed, reclaiming the bottle and taking a sip.
“I know, I’m sorry.” He said quietly, lowering his gaze at hearing a soft puff
from the other boy. “But I don’t see what’s going to change if I keep coming.”
“Ah so things will change if you keep this up?” chided Farlan, gesturing around
to the gas station.
Levi didn’t answer, taking another sip. 
“Listen, it’s the last year. Make a fucking effort, we’ve already talked about
this.”
The raven grumbled an assent, one he himself didn’t believe in. They’d talked
many times that summer and in the end he’d made a promise he couldn’t keep.
An annoyed hiss from Farlan made him raise his head, lokking first at him and
then the street.
“Since when does Polinsky stroll around here?”
A red car was slowly passing by, the driver had a hand on the wheel and the
other draped across the passenger’s seat. Levi met his stare: he wasn’t afraid
of such an idiot.
The other just smirked at him before driving on.
“I don’t know what his sexual tastes are, but he’s been aiming at your ass
since school started.”
“He tries something and I’ll show him just what I’ll shove up his.”
Farlan snickered, a funny sound that always managed to bring a smile to his
lips too, him who never did laugh.
He moved his gaze aside then, while a thought crossed his mind. He was hesitant
about telling him, but in the end he did.
“If there was someone who made bedroom eyes at you, someone you don’t know and
you’ve never seen before…” started Levi while Farlan looked at him, puzzled but
attentive. “Would you ever do something with them?”
“I hope we’re not talking about Polinsky.” he said with a grimace.
“I’d prefer bending over for the chief than him.”
Farlan smiled again, then went back to vaguely serious while he looked at the
street.
“Someone I’ve never seen before, uh… like at a night club?”
Levi nodded.
Farlan grew more curious, eyes glinting with a wily smirk.
“Someone’s making dopey eyes at you?”
“…maybe” mumbled the raven, leaning back from the inquisitory look. It unnerved
him.
“Boy or girl?”
“A… man.”
“Uh? A man really? What’s he like?”
“Farlan” Levi rebuked, looking at him sternly, making the other boy retreat
with his hands up in surrender.
“Alright, ok, God you can be bashful sometimes.” he smiled sardonically. “Well,
something I could definitely do. I’m not missing out on anything anyway, if I
do it with protection. A quick fuck with no commitment. i did it once, a
brunette with some ass, it was talking on its own.” He was picturing it in his
mind, it showed in the foolish half-smile on his face.
Levi emptied the last of the Redbull on his chest, jumping up while he whined
dramatically.
“You looked like you were getting an erection, you should thank me.” Justified
Levi, throwing the empty bottle in the dumpster while a car entered the
station.
“You’re gonna pay for this! You’ll have to tell me everything about the fuck
with your admirer!”
The raven turned just enough to show him the middle finger and a shady look
that only made farlan laugh.




It had been five days.
Erwin was set on returning at that station as soon as he’d finished the fuel,
without even thinking about it. In truth, he was unexperienced in regard of
this kind of approach: with Nora it had more or less just worked out, because
she was a straight forward woman and they’d been a thing without even realizing
it, thanks to common friends. This situation instead, where he was dealing with
a much younger boy, a stranger no less, should have caused him some concerns,
but Mike’s words had reassured him.
He’d never had prejudices -after all, he knew a lot of people, including Mike,
that preferred their own gender. Things should work the same way.
He pulled the brake after stopping, waiting for the boy who arrived shortly
after. He wore the same blank expression of the last time.
“Refill it… and can you check the oil level? Thanks.”
He exited the vehicle and picked a cigarette, but this time instead of lighting
it, he rolled it between his fingers, leaning back a little so to have a good
visual.
It hadn’t been a passing impression, he could confirm it, because he was
feeling the same attraction that time around.
The raven did as he was told, taking the handle and inserting it, then leaving
it and rounding the car to look under the hood. Erwin opened it for him.
Levi bent down under it, searching for the oil tank and opening it.
The shorts went up a little higher on his thighs. His skin tingled from the
coolness allowed by the absence of the sun that had already gone down. He
didn’t say anything, looking at the oil rod: it was nearly at its limit.
He took a can placed near the gas turret, slowly emptying it into the tank,
while glancing sideway at the man leaning on the car door.
Erwin was thinking. The situation was nearly awkward. He’d confirmed his
physical impressions, but there was a huge attitude problem: as he was usually
attracted to expansive ad easy to talk to people, the possibility that someone
totally different could interest him hadn’t been accounted for. How should he
act? He shouldn’t waste too much time thinking on it and simply invite him to
drink something, or give the whole thing a wide berth and test the ground to
comprehend.
Erwin had always been confident in his appearance, especially of his sharp but
gentle traits. He seldom showed insecurity and only with those he blindly
trusted, still without panicking.
“Aren’t we out of season for shorts?”
He bit his tongue, still twirling the cigarette, since when couldn’t he have a
decent conversation without sounding like a fool? He hadn’t been a teenager for
a long time and even then, he’d always has something smart to say. Besides, the
idea that he could simply enjoy the sight of that porcelain skin that lewdy
showed from under the short fabric, should have been enough: he was a boy and
he wanted to get into his pants. There must have been something twisted in him
since he’d been arguing with Nora.
Levi straightened himself, pulling the oil can away. He looked at the man with
a calm puzzlement: he didn’t understand if it was pitiful irony or a pitiful
conversation start on the weather.
Either way, it was pitiful.
“It’s hot. Has been hot all day.” he said curtly.
While he cleaned the rod, he looked at him sideways, with a sharp stare.
“Does it bother you?” he asked, referring both to the view of his naked legs
and the fact a boy was wearing such short pants. Judging by the stare he’d felt
on himself, he guessed no.
“Do I look bothered to you?” Erwin smiled a sharp smile, while he brought the
cigarette to his lips and lighted it with a silver lighter.
“Then I don’t see the problem with my dressing choices.” The raven retrieved
the handle and put it back into its place, then closed the fuel tank.
Erwin sighed. He’d deserved that answer.
“Ah, sorry… It was better to start a conversation on the weather, wasn’t it?”
he breathed in then out, a light grey cloud escaping from his lips. “I beg your
pardon for my manners, I’m a bit rusty in flirting.” He picked at the short
hair at the base of his head. In truth, he’d revealed his intentios because at
that point, he didn’t have any possibility left. He dropped his cigarette,
stomped on it and then grabbed his black leather wallet. “How much do I owe
you?”
Levi had looked at him, head just tilted backwards due to a not-indifferent
height difference, still a bit irked despite the excuses and the evident
discomfort of the man had greatly dampened his annoyance. He observed him, with
an expression of calm curosity on his face.
“It’s… 70 dollars.” He blurted out the sum without giving it much though.
He averted his eyes disregarding the fact that the man was much closer, feeling
his stomach tighten up despite managing to not show anything on his face but
indifference.
He took the money offered. “And no, you’re no good at flirting. You wouldn’t
have managed even with the weather.”
The light haired handsome man kept smiling, even if the youth’s words could
have easily offended him. He quickly understood his line hadn’t been very
attractive.
“What would you have liked me to say?” he asked, while he put the wallet away
and made to open the car’s door, with a calm expression near to that boy who
was decidedly shorter than him.
“Your name, for example.” Answered the teen, leaning against the back door of
the metallic car.
The blond nodded, scratching his chin with his left hand.
“You’re right… my name is Erwin.” He offered his other hand to the boy,
mentally berating himself: he’d thought about a million possibilities and yet
he’d discarded that one, so simple, judging it too easy and uneffective. And
yet, now he was calmer: he’d already slipped in front of the boy, it made him
think that if he hadn’t already chased Erwin away, then maybe…
“Levi”, said the boy, shaking his hand.
The man had a big hand, warm wrapped around his, the hold wasn’t the strongest
but he could imagine it on his body, on his legs, holding him by the hair as
they fought in a bed.
“if you’re wondering why I’m still talking to you, it’s because I don’t mind
your attentions. Not in the least.”
He kept staring at him with an iron gaze, without faltering nor stuttering for
something akin to shame, something he didn’t seem to possess.
He was a teenager, not a pudic virgin. Well, maybe he could admit the virgin
bit.
The blond was surprised by the boy’s words. He knew they could be
straightforward, but he didn’t expect him to be so blunt. He should’ve taken it
into account, in truth, but he didn’t. He laughed, an embarassed laugh, while
he still held the boy’s hand and returned his stare, even if the other’s was
unsondable. Totally.
“Oh… then what would you say about continuing the conversation somewhere else,
after your shift?” he asked, with a much more comfortable -for him- suggestion.
He could have suggested something much more indecent, of course, but it wasn’t
his style, at least it wasn’t jumping him in that exact moment, even if his
deepest instinct was whispering exactly that.
A gleam crossed for a moment the raven’s eyes, while he crept closer and rested
his hand on the still open car door, nearly pressing it against the man. The
movement emphasized his waistline just a bit.
“I’d say I’m not very keen on conversing.” he purred with a low voice, looking
at him from beneath his lashes. This close, he could smell the man’s cologne
and it excited him to no end.
He retreated a bit. “I’m almost done.”
“Then I’ll wait for you.” replied Erwin almost automatically. He wouldn’t have
know what else to do, except for humping him that instant, but not like that,
on the street.
He moved his car so to not block the gas station, then he exited again and
pondered in taking him to some hotel was too antiquated of an idea.
Another car stopped by, and Levi served it without uttering a word.
He could feel the man’s eyes on him, and he teased him, leaning forward to show
just a little bit of skin, resting his hand on his flank to drag he shirt up a
little.
For every movement he made, he could feel that scorching stare. He could
imagine those warm big hands feeling him up, grabbing his ass and spreading it
wide, making him moan.
God, he didn’t think he’d got that repressed. But no one, not even Farlan had
ever managed to excite him so much.
In just a few moments he found himself walking towards the man and his car,
considering him.
He was confident about himself, if not a little awkward in flirting with a
teen. Maybe it was the first time, maybe he was used to the prostitutes that
did everything by themselves.
He wasn’t all that different, to be honest; the only difference being he wasn’t
doing it for the money, not anymore at least.
He sat in the passenger seat, seeing him do he same on the other side, with
ease and a flicker of eagerness in those blue, blue eyes.
He reclined his head, half-closing his own. Adrenaline and anticipation were
mixing with anxiety for something he’d never done before.
Erwin had basked in his figure all the time, while he served another car and
showed off a little. It wasn’t displeasing, quite the contrary, and while a
part of him wanted to consider it bold, another wholeheartedly appreciated the
behaviour, while he settled into the driver’s place after discarding the
umptheenth cigarette.
The car was moving before he even realized it.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The hotel was discreetly far away; he’d pointed the direction himself after
being asked where they could have some private time without being interrupted.
It was a three stories building, nothing too fancy, with just the sign of the
bar at the ground floor, barely lit with not overly flashy colors, like usually
were the motels.
This one wasn’t all that different, sometimes it was used for purposes like
theirs, but usually it was just a two stars hotel for tourists who didn’t want
to spend a patrimony in the city centre.
Erwin did all that was required: he asked for a double -he wasn’t so foolish,
then- just for one night, they’ll be gone tomorrow in the early morning, he
told the receptionist while he handed him all the documents requested.
The walls were simple, cream and hazelnut; the carpeting was a time-worn, well
used pink-ish, but it was acceptable. Levi would have never tolerated being
brought to a dirty, smelly place.
The girl who accompanied them smiled at him then left them to their own
devices.
Nobody would have suspected anything.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to scream too much here, the walls are pretty
thin.” Pointed out the raven without worrying too much about it, while he sat
on the bed and kicked his shoes away.
Erwin shook his head, while he placed his jacket on a chair and decided he
didn’t want the other to undress by himself.
“That’s not a problem. Wait, don’t get anything else off. I’d like to do it.”
he murmured, while he started to unbutton his shirt and sat on the bed too,
unlacing his shoes and turning toward the boy.
“Come here.”
Levi obeyed to the short hand motion of the man and placed himself in front of
him, between his still spread legs.
Erwin looked at him for a while, endless moments to fill his gaze with that
serious face and everything but accomodating, those thin eyes of a brilliant
color and that pale, lithe body. He was very different from what he was used
to: Nora was soft, with a peachy skin and hips he could easily grab. Her voice
was sweet, a little high, but she didn’t like to show her emotions, she was a
pudic person and that was one reason they had worked at first.
Erwin didn’t exactly know what had brought him there, in that situation, if not
an infatuation compelled by his his body and masculinity. The truth was that,
even if he was having a though time with his wife, he’d never thought about
cheating on her.
“So…” he whispered, gaze on those white arms, on the skin that hid under that
dark shirt, before going back to looking at him.
“Can I kiss you?” he asked, it was obviously something stupid to ask, but he
preferred doing it anyway, while he finally put his hands on those bare legs.
His skin was cold, but smooth to the touch.
The raven shivered, feeling that hot touch on himself, the slow movements of
someone who wanted to do much more than that.
He tilted his head just a little, never stopping looking at himself on those
blue eyes.
“We’ll have to see where you want to do it.”
He lifted his leg, spreading it so that his knee was on the man’s thigh, while
he leaned forward, a hand touched the shoulder as he waited.
Erwin laughed, straining his neck to reach Levi’s shoulder, resting his head
there while his hand traveled up the milky leg to slip under those tight
shorts. “I’ll have to check then…” he sighed against Levi’s neck, pressing a
kiss to it, while his hands moved to his narrow hips and lifted the shirt to
touch the alabaster skin underneath. The sensation was different, but he didn’t
dwell on it, because it still felt good.
He touched him calmly, even if he was curious, and a little sceptic about the
nature of his attraction, then again there was Levi’s skin that trembled under
his every little touch, and that bland expression that gained new shades just
from the silvery eyes, while he tried to impress in his memory that firmness he
felt on his chest.
They remained in that position for a little while, before Erwin grabbed his
hips and made him sit on his legs; he was noticeably light, and he still didn’t
reach his stature even in that position.
Hands ran over his skin again, this time on his back, while he slowly felt
reason starting to leave him and excitement slowly pervading him.
He wanted to touch him before undressing him, touch him so to impress on his
memory the shapes of his quick body, trying to understand what it was that
attracted him so. It was something he needed to do, he didn’t want to seem too
rough, or to be embarassed in front of a new body, even if he liked very much
what he was touching, especially when he ran his hands down the boy’s back to
his buttocks, squeezing them after making him rise a bit, so he could cop a
feel.
They were small and round, but full. Firm. Feeling them, he craned his neck to
press another kiss to a white cheek, then several more, before sliding down to
the chin and going back up, with his eyes closed. He even tasted good, even if
he smelt a little of fuel. But it was a good smell, he liked it.
Levi bit his lip, trying to suppress a deeper sigh. The silvery gaze slipped to
the side, towards the suffused, warm light of the nightstand lamp without
really seeing it, there were other thoughts, other sensations that made him
tremble like an autumn leaf.
He’d wrapped himself around Erwin, arms circling his neck without exposing
himself too much, sitting on his legs with spread tights, buttocks grabbed,
pawed, released and then grabbed again by those hands that were able to fully
grasp them.
His own hands, smaller but sure, wandered down to skim over the neck hollow,
reaching for the starched shirt collar and the dark tie, tugging them towards
himself to loosen them slowly, languidly. He did the same thing with the
buttons, revealing bit by bit the broad chest.
Hi heart missed a few beats, before sending a rush of blood to his cheeks when
a thought crossed his mind: the first time he’d seen him, he’d been struck by
how a man could still be handsome even at a certain age.
And he was, more than Levi expected. He dragged a hand down the blond’s chest,
feeling his palm tingle from the light, sparse hair, a sensation that didn’t
bother him, on the contrary…
Feeling him, sturdy, with his abdomen tense and with that hint of muscles that
amazed him, he held back a spasm between his legs, growing more aware of what
he wanted.
A slightly more forceful grip on his buttocks startled him, while he withdrew a
gasp, eyes rising quickly to meet the other man’s.
He watched him with a half open mouth, hands gripping his neck harder after
that stunned breath, that erotic shiver that passed through him just an instant
longer.
Erwin acted before he realized it, swapping their positions and looming over
the boy, who found himself with his back pressed into the mattress, legs pread
open and hands pinned above his head.
Erwin felt a little like a teenager. With that position he could perceive
distinctly their difference. The boy looked just like, well, a boy: he looked
so submissive, letting him lead, that he probably wanted to tease his more
adult side, the one where Erwin was, in fact, a mature man.
The relaxed arms at his sides gave him an angelic look, which the youth didn’t
have, but the contrast was beautiful while Erwin leaned down to kiss Levi’s
pale neck again.
He minded caressing him under the shirt fabric, lifting it and gazing at the
hairless chest, tense but not less pleasuring to touch. He was gorgeous, but he
wanted to see the whole of him, to conduct an approfondite research on how much
a male body could excite him.
Because he couldn’t believe he was so attracted: the face was peculiar, like
the eyes, but feeling the need to bury his own face against that trembling
chest was, surely, way over the platonic attraction. But he did feel it,
pulsing in his head and between his legs, while more and more of that white
skin was revealed to him.
He kissed his Adam apple, going lower, brushing against his chest and one
swollen nipple with his nose, while his fingers worked to unbuckle the short
jeans and lower them, just enough to reveal the underwear and press against it
with a palm.
The experiment went well, because feeling the other under his hand didn’t spark
any remorse, instead it fueled his excitement, sending it straight between his
legs.
He leaned down to skim with his lips over the boy’s, to test his reactions,
while the dark shirt was bundled up under the raven’s chin waiting to be
slipped off; a gesture which Levi did himself an instant later, throwing it to
the floor as if it had offended him.
The youth tensed like a bow string when his nipples were teased just enough to
feel desire spreading from them in waves, pooling in his lower half, magnified
by the other’s hand against his sex.
He pressed his lips, swallowing another moan behind gritted teeth.
He should’ve been used to being touched, but his body wasn’t answering like he
expected it to.
He trembled, almost feverish, every look excited him, every gesture of that
man.
He blamed the fact that that man had excited him since the first time those
eyes had looked at him. Since that moment, he’d wanted to be taken by him, in
every possible position.
I wasn’t just phisycal attraction; it was carnal, visceral desire to feel him
against himself, inside him.
Erwin was pleased seeing the younger finally half-naked, while his fingers kept
caressing between his legs, feeling him growing harder and harder, even through
the soft material of the underwear.
Seeing as his kiss hadn’t been rejected, he set on repeating the contact, this
time making it humid by adding a bit of tongue work, while his fingers slipped
under the boxers to grip the erection firmly.
It was tense, and it was a completely different sensation than touching himself
-and not for the size difference, but because he’d never touched another before
and if he had to describe it, he’d say it was clammy and hot, but not
unpleasant. It made him feel somewhat powerful, touching that scalding place
where all of his partner’s sensations converged.
He detached from that mouth, those thin lips, while he went to caress with both
hands the underwear and shorts -resting, forgotten, around the other’s knees-
leaving the boy naked under him. He was beautiful, definitely. He’d never
thought he could say something like that about another male, especially if that
male was completely undressed, but he was excited by the sight, by the tense
member and the light blush on his cheeks.
He smiled widely, before leaning back -but not without another kiss first, on
the forehead this time- getting up and walking swiftly to where he’d left the
jacket, rummaging through an internal pocket and grabbing a little satchel.
He put it at the bed’s end, before shrugging off his shirt and undoing the
cravat, discarding them on the floor along with the belt and pants.
Levi observed him with quiet attention, sneaking a sideways glance at the man’s
boxers and at the bulge underneath. He felt blood rushing to his face and he
turned it quickly, pondering whether he could stand being penetrated by
something like that or…
Erwin scooted closer to him on the bed, bringing the satchel and dangling it.
“I brought lubrificant” he announced, while he opened the packet of condoms and
took one, leaving the bottle near the boy.
Then he realized he was doing too much on his own without interacting with the
other, and he didn’t like it. So he turned towards the young boy.
“You want to put it on?”
Levi regarded him through the thin watery veil that blurred his vision,
shooking his head after a moment’s hesitation, trying to maintain a neutral
expression with desire wracking him.
Erwin smiled condescendingly without asking questions. He lowered his boxers,
stepping out of them in seconds, before slipping on the preservative and
looming again over the boy, to kiss him on the mouth and flushed neck.
He could’ve told him he wasn’t very practical, but then again maybe he didn’t
really need to, so after generously coating his fingers he started probbing
that hidden place, to tease and prepare him.
It was a little complicated indeed, while he rubbed with his index finger first
and then his middle finger, without breaching him; he felt the shivers and
tensing of the other while he stimulated him until he managed to insert just
the tip.
He moved it for a while, observing the reactions of the boy’s body under his
ministrations, before inserting a second finger, circling it to try and loosen
him up.
At first, the intrusion felt strange, almost awkward; Levi tensed up a little
more, breathing slow before relaxing and trying not to think about it too much.
He spread his legs, gripping the sheets. The fingers were warm even though the
cold liquind made him shudder. He felt humid, wet and while the feeling was odd
it helped him get acquainted with that touch that little by little reached
deeper, easier.
He sneaked another glance at the man’s sex, feeli his throat dry and parched.
It was bigger than he’d ever thought. If the fingers were bothersome, what was
going to happen with that?
Once in with two fingers, Erwin tried teasing him with a third, without
entering, while instead he began scissoring. He was hot and tight, very
different from what he was used to, but it was a pleasant warmth, that coated
his whole hand and spread easily to his mind.
He waited until he could move fluidly inside him, before retracting his
fingers. He didn’t think he’d be able to slide in with ease, but he’d still try
to be gentle.
He loomed more over him, before grabbing his legs and opening them more,
lifting him up a bit to gain a better view; he skidded closer, poking him
without forcing.
It felt good and he let out a breathless moan, gripping steadily the youth’s
legs.
Only when he saw the other tense excessively, in a clear sign, he brushed his
tip against the orifice, pressing as to enter slowly.
The muscles put up resistence, but not too much, against the pressure; he
wasn’t too impatient -he’d hurt himself too- but he kept poking and prodding
until at least the head managed to slip inside.
He felt like suffocating, he was incredibly tight and hot, and he bit back a
whimper, leaning down to kiss the boy again, while his hands gripped the
other’s waist, caressing him, trying to get used to the sensation.
Levi’s pupils dilated, his irises reduced to shining rings, when he felt him
enter. He arched his back while the man went deeper and deeper; his head fell
back, while his hands strangled the sheets in a vice-like grip, his mouth let
out a rough moan that he tried to suffocate biting the inside of his cheek.
Christ, it hurt.
He felt him enter even though he wasn’t able to accomodate him, even though
he’d been prepared and lubrified. He felt him push to make him take it all, his
small chest rising and falling rapidly.
He turned to hide hi face partially in the mattress, breathing through his
nose. He was so hard, scalding hot, pulsing against his belly.
It hurt, damn it hurt, but the desire didn’t diminish; the more he felt him,
the more it grew.
He held his breath when the man slipped out almost fully, before thrusting once
making him gasp. And again in a second, and third thrust.
He felt like he was being split open. But he had expected it, he’d tried to be
prepared for it even before he’d considered doing anything with that man.
He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, spreading his legs more, Erwin’s
hands back on his thighs, feeling his thrusts merciless inside him, his pelvis
slapping against his rear.
And the more the man thrusted, the more Levi hurt, he felt warmth and pain mix,
while a different feeling emerged, lukewarm, buttery, pleasing.
He freed a battered lip, and after a hoarse whimper came a light, short moan,
echoing the growing of that carnal desire that was heating his loins.
Erwin held back several groans, while his thrusts assumed a regular rhythm,
seeing as the boy had started showing his appreciation, after a moment of
bewilderment and probably pain. The muscles were looser, their bodies more in
sync even though the movements were still a bit rigid. Still, Erwin felt that
Levi’s body was opening up more at every thrust, giving him that feeling of
heathed sheath that held him back, making his pleasure and desire grow.
He caressed that rosy skin, before a hand came near their joining and started
masturbating the boy, while the other still gripped him firmly to keep him in
place.
A languid moan escaped the youth’s reddened lips, while his body tensed again
before becoming like butter in his hands again.
The forehead was creased by fatigue and the pain Levi still felt, even though
his eyes were pools of silver, whose shine and colour was heightened by the
warm light of the lamp that enveloped his sweaty skin.
He swallowed, while a hand went to grip one broad shoulder, dragging his nails
down to the shoulderblade.
Erwin liked what he felt and saw; he was so beautiful. If they hadn’t been in a
place like that, he’d let out his hoarse voice much more freely, but this way
he could hear and enjoy every little whimper Levi made.
He shuddered, feeling nails on his skin, while he increased his speed and force
in return, aware that orgasm was much nearer then he’d thought. He stimulated
the boy faster, trying to bring him to complexion quickly, even if maybe the
effort wasn’t needed.
He kissed his mouth again, feeling that hot shiver trailing down his back, one
step away from the peak of pleasure.
He hugged that small body to himself, that lithe figure that made him go crazy
since the first time he’d seen it. He held him tight, feeling him tense under
his caress, while the low, lush voice of the youth surrounded him, his gasps
breaking togheter with his own deep moan, that riverberated when he reached and
fell over that peak, dragging the boy with him.
Levi held the man for a long time, while he felt the blood roaring in his ears,
his breath scratching his throath, and his hips killing him.
He woke up in the dead of the night.
The lamp was still on, giving a tenuous light; he distended an arm under the
pillow, resting on his side with a sheet covering him up to his shoulders.
The smell of smoke made his nose tingle, making him lift his gaze to meet the
shape of the man, sitting on a sofa right beside the bed; he was wearing pants
again, the shirt had the first few buttons undone showing the chest, a
cigarette held loosely between his fingers.
His blue eyes were trained on something else: a bunch of papers.
He peeked at him, letting his head rest against the pillow. He observed the
shadows created by the lamp’s light on his mature face, hardening the shape of
his jaw and nose, emphasizing the forehead, darkening the vivid shade of his
gaze.
He was really handsome, he found himself thinking again for the sixth-seventh
time. If he hadn’t let himself be taken by someone like that, he’d surely have
regretted it for his whole life.
As if sensing Levi’s eyes on him, the man looked up, smiling lightly and
letting the papers fall on the sofa by his side.
“Everything alright?” he asked then, scooting closer and brushing his
fingertips against Levi’s ruffled hair.
“Does it bother you if I keep smoking?” he waved the cigarette, hinting at the
fact that he’d got comfortable even though they were in a closed space. Not
that it was such a strange thing: he often spent the nights in hotels so that
was a familiar accomodation to him.
He tugged at his light hair, trying to bring them back so that htey didn’t fall
over his forehead, sighing.
He hadn’t showered yet, and he wasn’t even particularly keen on doing it at the
moment.
Levi vaguely shook his head, staying as still as possible. Even willing, he
wouldn’t have been able to move, not with his body seething at him.
“Work?” he just asked, nodding to the stack of papers.
Erwin hummed affirmatively: he’d brought with him some notes about a patient he
was due operating the next day and, seeing as it wasn’t an operation he usually
did, he preferred rehearsing some of his books back at home.
“Just a memo.” He tried to somewhat comb his hair again before getting up and
retrieving the ashtray, bringing it to the nightstand and sitting near the boy.
“Do I wake you up tomorrow? I have to leave early.”
The raven remained silent a moment more, watching him openly; he then propped
himself on one elbow to lean forward and snatch the cigarette from the other’s
fingers.
He ignored the flare of pain in his hips while he took a breath through the
filter.
“Who said I wanted to sleep.” He blowed the thin stream of smoke in the man’s
direction, with a flicker of mischief in his eyes.
He then crushed the cigarette in the ashtray, the sheet pooled in his lap,
baring the nude chest down to the dimples above his pelvis, while he slipped an
arm around those broad shoulders to bring the man down, toward him.
Erwin smiled, complying with Levi’s initiative and kissing him, looming over
him another time. Levi was right: there was time to sleep, for the moment, he
really wanted to imprint that night in his mind.
The continuous and repetitive tone of the alarm ringed insistently directly in
his ears, making him groan and half-open his eyes groggily.
He turned on his side, not yet registering the difference between his own bed
and that one; only after several moments he realized he wasn’t in the usual
hotel.
He was alone. The boy must have already left from quite some time, judging by
the coolness of the bed. He literally sinked his face in the pillow, before
lightly giggling, blushing at the thought of what had happened. He wasn’t
hysteric, nor worried.. He felt lighter, calmer.
The anxiety that had almost paralyzed him until the day before seemed to have
dissipated, dissolved. He was happy, almost idiotically so.
He wasn’t a brat anymore, he didn’t have that frenzied need to satisy an
instinctual want, but doing just so had relaxed him: he could face the day with
less aggravation.
He got up then, set on having a quick shower and then running to work, for
which he risked -for the first time in his life- to be late.
Chapter End Notes
     Hey guys, HardHeaded here.
     Sorry for the lateness, but I’ve been caught up in a really important
     exam, then I’ve been stuck in a holiday campsite with bad wifi.
     Also, Scandalway writes in a really “aulic” way, with sophisticated
     sentences and very specific words which I try my best to render back
     in English. I’m very thankful for being allowed to translate, because
     it helps me practice and let’s say “keep in shape”, as I’m applying
     for an University for Translators, Interpreters and Diplomats. I’m
     happy you liked the previous chapter, and I’ve tried following your
     indications as much as I could, but I can’t alter the original work
     too much (I’ve already had to make some really suffered tweaks here
     and there). Still, thanks for the input, shows that you care!
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     Attention please.
     We are really sorry to announce that, due to commitments and
     problems, the English translation of this story will be temporarily
     blocked.
     It is our intention, however, to conclude it (we do not like leaving
     things in half) so we are looking for another available translator.
     It will take time, but we thank everyone who has reviewed, read these
     two chapters and who will read the follow-up when we can publish it.
     Thank you so much. ♥
     ((Ps. Anyone who wants to translate from Italian to English can write
     us privately. Volunteers accept ;w; ))
“Fuck, it’s freezing.” hissed Farlan, hugging himself in his black leather
jacket, teeth chattering while he ran for the last few metres before reaching
the school’s gate to try and find a meagre solace.
Behind him, Levi strolled with his cadenced step, catching up with absolutely
no hurry.
The temperature drop had been bothersome for about a week. A few days ago it
was hot like Hell and now autumn had stepped in, with its frigid wind that
chilled to the bone.
The older boy shivered, hugging himself. “How can you not feel cold, damn it?”
“I’m used to low temperatures” replied the raven without showing too much
emotion, hands in his pockets and bag hanging from one shoulder. “Besides, I
have no intention of running in the wee hours of morning.” He climbed the steps
and steered himself to class.
Even wearing just a shirt and a jacket similar to the one his friend wore, he
actually didn’t feel cold. And even if he did, it wasn’t like he could do
anything about it.
It was a miracle he was even able to walk without looking odd.
His hips had been absolutely devastated for days, they’d been spitting
profanities at him at every step, and when he dared to sit, he’d thought
hitting his head repeatedly on a wall would have been less painful; he’d never
thought anal sex could have been so painful, or maybe he should’ve blamed the
size.
It had been ten days, and of that Erwin man he hadn’t seen even a shadow, nor
did Levi go at the gas station anymore. His priority, at the moment, seemed to
be school: if he missed a single more class he’d be expelled and Farlan seemed
to be even more anxious than him at the idea.
Strolling into class, he ignored the surspised looks shot his way, while Farlan
said ‘hello~’ to everyone with a happines Levi simply couldn’t muster at such
an hour.
He walked to the last desk on the last row and plopped down on the chair,
dropping the bag at his side.
“Good morning, Levi.”
He looked up, assesting the thin figure of one of the girls on the front row -
Petra, he blearily recalled, she was the class’ president; she smiled brightly
at him, and he gloomily wondered how could everyone be so cheery on a Monday
with a rainpour looming.
“You were absent on Friday, so I wanted to inform you they handed out this” she
showed him a sheet which he took without real interest, listening to her rattle
on.
“It’s the year program, gatherings, the Institute assembly with the parents,
and the school trip… we thought about going to Canada… or maybe abroad… perhaps
in Europe!”
“I’m saying Australia!” popped up Farlan, draping an arm across the girl’s thin
shoulders. “The hotter the better for everyone, right?”
Petra smiled, amused.
“That’s what we thought. It’s our last year, so I hope you’ll both come…”
She shyly glanced at Levi’s face in saying so, while he vaguely looked at the
sheet he was holding, eyes straining to the “parents” and the space to fill
with the name of the University he intented to go to.
Feeling observed, he looked up to briefly meet the girl’s gaze, before turning
his own out of the window; he let the sheet fall on the desk.
“I’m not particularly interested.” he said hastily.
Farlan spied the light and almost imperceptible expression change of the girl,
with serrated lips and eyes downcast, just for a moment: again, she smiled,
with just a layer of sadness over her.
“Well, I’m counting on it.”
“Don’t worry, he’s always like this, he’ll soften with time!” assured the light
eyed boy, feeling almost obligated to console her while he saw her scuttle
away.
He then sat heavily on the desk in front of the other, looking grimly at this
friend.
“You know, you could be less acid with cute girls.”
“I just told her I’m not interested, I didn’t insult her.”
Farlan sighed, leaning on the wall at his back. “I suppose it’s already a
miracle you’re in class right now.” He looked at his own sheet, wondering if
the other would show up at the teacher-parent-student assembly.
“Will you ever tell me anything?”
The dark haired boy turned his head to look at him, expressionless, but with an
arched eyebrow.
“About what?”
“Your fling with the stranger! I don’t know anything!” hissed Farlan, leaning
with his elbow on Levi’s desk. He looked just like one of those frivolous
middle school girls, hunting for gossip.
Levi leaned back, a frown on his lips.
“And you won’t know anything.”
“What?? Why not? I always tell you everything!” whined Farlan, leaning a little
more.
“And I could live even without the details.”
“Those make it more realistic!” he replied, with a wicked smile. “Come on, I’ll
pay you dinner! At least tell me if he was handsome.”
They were in the far corner of the classroom, the flock of classmates was too
distant to hear anything even with Farlan’s loud tone, which sometimes resulted
annoying for his tastes and hearing.
Levi sighed, keeping his gaze out of the window.
“Yes, he was handsome.”
His friend’s smile widened a little.
“And was he good? I mean, did he know th-”
“Yeah, I’d say so” interjected Levi, with a voice so low Farlan barely heard
him.
In his mind, he could see those hands caressing his chest, his hips and then
spreading his legs, reducing him to a puddle of desire under his touches,
gentle but avid.
He didn’t tell him how uncertain and terribly embarassed he’d been starting up
a conversation with a teenager; serious expression melting into an almost
comical discomfort that had brought a slight blush when he’d smiled at him:
he’d been funny, somewhat. “Well good for him” Farlan’s voice intruded in his
reminiscence, while Levi looked up and saw his face again, in place of that
man’s. “If you ever get the itch again, you can go back to him.”
“Don’t be stupid.” Admonished the raven harshly, hands in his pockets and back
pressed to the chair. “It was the first and last time. Who’d want to go again
with a stranger?”
“But you liked it, didn’t you? Even if you don’t know him, what does it
matter?” insisted Farlan, shrugging while he leaned back. “It’s just sex.”
Farlan was right: it had been just sex. He’d enjoyed himself, he’d liked it,
and in the morning he’d left. No complications, no sentimental messes or any
troubles which he’d happily avoid.
Indeed, he could do it again if the occasion presented itself; but still, there
was something not quite right with the memories he had of that night, something
that didn’t fit the way it should. The whole thing clashed with itself.
“I don’t think I’ll ever see him again.” he concluded, turning his attention
back to the window.
“What? You didn’t exchange numbers?”
“No.” replied Levi flat.
Farlan clicked his tongue. “Well, if he’s interested, he’ll find you, don’t
worry.”
He laughed. Levi looked at him, curious. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that if he wants to do it again, he’ll show up on his own. You’re not
gonna lose anything one way or the other.”
Levi didn’t have time to reply: the class door slammed open and the professor
strode in, and everyone got up for the salute.
Levi complied with everyone else’s action, without giving as much thought as he
did to the question that started o swirl in his mind.
Had Erwin been so interested in him that he wanted to do it again?
 
***
 
Erwin looked at the clock on the white wall, desolated: he was late yet again.
It had been going on for a week now: he’d always been a faithful man toward his
job, sleeping in hotels close to the hospital had been usual for a long time.
Truth was, everything was still the same, but since he’d woken up alone in that
hotel room, he’d been feeling… different. Something had started to shift in his
life.
It had never crossed his mind, to surrender his whole self to a -presumably
momentaneous- desire.
And still, that boy had made him do something wholly crazy, and he’d been happy
to do so. At the moment, he hadn’t felt any guilt, didn’t feel strange in the
least or too adult to do something like that.
Then euphoria had been replaced with awareness: he was a grown man, he had a
wife, and the boy he’d taken was probably very close in age to his eldest
daughter. That last thought alone should have made him feel disgusted, but he
only managed to feel so a little.
The idea that it had been a boy had unsettled him, but not too much as to
really bother him. He’d never had that kind of prejudices, but he still felt a
little strange. The thing that bothered him the most was that he wanted to find
him, to do it again. And for him, someone that had always put feelings first
rather than phisycality in relationships, it was something so unconcepible that
he couldn’t manage to capacitate himself fully.
His office door opened after a light knocking.
A nurse appeared, with her hair gathered in a tight bun and her light blue coat
perfectly arranged.
“Doctor, the Moores would like to talk with you” she told him, waiting for a
reply; Erwin looked at her, he’d heard the name before, but with all his
patients…
“They’re the parents of the boy you operated this morning, Justin Moore.”
“Ah. Yes.. thanks, Nifa.” he smiled tiredly but gratefully, to which the girl
answered with a gentle smile of her own.
“Let them in, I can lend them some time right now.”
“I’ll tell them immediately.” She nodded and closed the door.
Erwin leaned back in his chair, closing the dossier of the next operation and
gathering the boy’s one from the drawer.
He sighed while he opened it and skimmed over the procedure and results; so
many patients and so little time…
“I’m coming, give him a dose of morphine if he’s still in pain and prepare him.
I’ll be there quickly.”
He closed the call while he started the engine. It was early in the morning,
his clock showed it was almost half past seven and the Sun still hadn’t come
out fully, the weak light coating the city in a sleepy haze, interwining with
the lingering shadows of the night.
He’d hastily checked out of the hotel after getting a call for an urgent
operation; it happened often lately, considering that he’d given more
disponibility for emergencies compared to… before.
It hadn’t been four hours since he’d clocked out, but seeing as he was probably
the only available doctor he’d been called without hesitation.
He was tired, true, but he’d slept enough to asser that he could operate
without errors or damage; besides he’d always performed well while pressured
and he needed little time to rest, even though he liked to snooze.
He made to take the usual road, when he saw the worrying line of cars: he poked
his head out to see an ambulance at the front.
There had been a car accident during the chaos that occurred in the morning,
when people went to work.
He should’ve stopped, but considering he was urgently needed at the hospital,
he couldn’t. So he switched on the tomtom (he hated that thing) to find an
alternative route.
The road the annoying female voice indicated him brought him to a zone he’d
scarcely been around; being as busy as he was, he seldom had time to roam
around, preferring to rest and gather his thoughts. The little green park he
drove in front of surprised him: he didn’t remember it, it had probably been
renewed recently o, more simply, he’d been too young to remember it the last
time he’d seen it.
While he waited a red light out, drumming his fingers on the steereing wheel in
a frenzy, his eye fell again on the green.
It’d been a superficial action, done without even realizing.
His heart faltered, when his gaze met that of two iron eyes, that he knew,
could become molten silver after a caress or a kiss, given to stifle a moan.
It lasted only an instant and yet, when he arose from the memories of that
night, he realized the light was green and he sped up, leaving behind that
figure that he knew to be Levi.
 
***
 
He’d felt his heart tighten, his breath catch, while his metallic irises
dilated and he stiffened, still as stone, the can mid-air between his lap and
parted lips, in a question that was better left unanswered.
He’d passed by so fast, and still, that car had been so familiar until he’d met
those blue eyes that he’d recognised in a heartbeat.
In them, he’d read the same stupor, the same unsettlement, before he’d sped
away and Levi’s gaze had followed him, the low rumble of the engine.
He didn’t imagine it: it had been Erwin in that car.
He’d been the one to…
“Ohi, Levi… you there?”
Farlan’s voice roused him, tearing him from those eyes and making him turn back
to his friend’s face.
“Who did you see? Someone you know?”
The raven looked back at the street, while the cars followed one another; his
features distended and he regained the calm expression he usually wore.
“No, no one.”
The can of coffe and milk proceeded on its way, reaching his lips. The liquid
warmed his throat: Farlan had bought the cans at the machine near the
minimarket.
The other boy took a gulp of milk and chocolate. “You’re almost baffling me,
you know?”
Levi arched an eyebrow.
“You keep coming. I’m very thankful.”
“For what?”
“For doing me this favour.” Farlan smiled sadly, shrugging a bit.
Levi lowered his eyes on the can in his lap, sitting on the small brick wall.
He tightened his grip.
He wasn’t doing it for that, Farlan was seeing some good where it just didn’t
exist, in his gestures and actions. He knew Farlan had depicted himself a boy
that was far away from reality, more than he could imagine.
He wasn’t good, there wasn’t anything good in what he did.
“I’m more selfish than that, Farlan.”
The other huffed, amused. “I have to be thankful for your selfishness, then. If
it makes you keep coming, it can’t be that bad.”
Levi was just about to reply when the jubilant and shrill voice of a girl
pierced the park’s sluggish silence.
“Heeyyyyyy guys! ‘m soorryyyyyy!”
She was running like mad, her unruly red hair gathered in two braids and a bag
bigger than her strapped to her shoulder.
When she reached them, heaving and huffing, they got on their feet and gathered
their own bags.
“You lost, midget. You’re paying lunch.”
She puffed her cheeks out, letting out a whine.
“Unfair! You set your alarms earlier!”
“Untrue. You slept in.”
“You’re always late either way” said peaceful the raven, putting a hand on her
head and messing her hair, stepping towards the bus stop.
He could hear the other two keep bickering, while in his mind he saw again that
instant, when his eyes had found the man’s, the one he secretely wanted to see
again, and felt again his heart tighten in his chest.
 
***
 
Erwin’s gaze had been absent the whole day.
He’d thought about Levi’s grey eyes every time he’d had a moment to spare,
without admitting that yes, he’d liked to see him again and yes, there was
something wrong about the whole thing, considering the situation and the fact
that, even though he didn’t know his actual age, the boy was surely too young
for him. It was something wrong, but maybe it was because of that, too, that he
was so attracted.
And so the next day, even though his shift started in the afternoon, he got up
at the same time as the day before, in spite of the meager hours of sleep, and
tried to remember the road he’d taken.
He parked in the first spot he found and then walked, in the maximum of
uncertainty, until he reached the park.
A side of him wished to not find the boy, because seeing him would have meant
confirming that weakness he was never going to admit, that him being a man like
all the others even if he’d always believed to be different. The more
irresponsible side, however, really wanted to meet him, to see even a glimpse
of him, while he strolled dressed in more casual clothes than usual.
As soon as he stepped onto the cobbled little street, with the park spreading
before him like a fan, his eyes were drawn to the place of the day before,
attracted by the figure that was sitting in the same position, with the same
sharp profile, the same look of bafflement that lasted just a moment.
Neither of them believed they would meet again, the next day, like they’d
agreed on a date.
Levi knew reality was different. He’d gone to that place purposefully: he was
going to meet Farlan and Isabel in front of the school, because he had wanted
to be there alone, to see him again, even a passing glance at the familiar car.
He would never have thought to meet him like this, locking eyes, both of them
speechless and unsure what to do.
He stiffened, propelling himself on his feet, opening his lips to say
something, anything.
Erwin did the same thing, twenty feet away.
“A-…!”
“Don’t-…!”
Their voices clashed, then choked, uncomfortable.
Levi lowered his eyes, angry at himself, he hated feeling like that, almost
childish (which he wasn’t). It was a foolish, unjistified behaviour, seeing as
that was the man he’d fucked once and that he’d happily fuck again.
He wasn’t anyone important, never had been, never would be.
“Good morning” he said, barely nodding before returning his eyes on him,
expression void.
Erwin at first didn’t know how to react: he would have started with saying
something, but the clash of voices had offset him, making him confused for
endless moments -until the boy had broken the silence again. Then, he’d felt
less agitated and, looking up, he’d smiled. “Good morning to you.”
What was more normal than a greeting? Nothing, in his opinion, but it didn’t
feel right for them, while he quickly thought about something to say to not
lose that tiny connection that they had managed to estabilsh even only with
meeting again.
The man wasn’t as naive as to think of a coincidence, considering he’d found
the boy in the same place and alone. There was clearly a common desire to meet
and, even though deep down he tought it was a bad thing, he couldn’t say he was
disappointed.
It was still early, so they had time -the hour had been chosen for that reason
too, and he felt less tense at the thought.
“Are you alright?”
He could have asked a hundred of different questions, but that one was the
first that had come to mind, because he hadn’t been able to ask, that morning
in the bed, since he didn’t have the boy at his side.
Levi looked at him quietly, nodding a moment later.
In truth, the following days had been hell, but he couldn’t very well tell him
that.
“I didn’t think you were from around here.” he said then, when the silence
became a little much.
“I thought you were more…” of a high rank, but he left that last part unsaid.
The sport car, the dark suit, the steel rolex, the elegant figure that
attracted the eyes. They were all things that one couldn’t just unsee.
Erwin easily caught the unspoken bit, contrary to what Levi may have expected.
He kept a calm expression, shrugging lightly.
“I just work around here.” It wasn’t a lie: the fact that he’d never used that
particular road before was just a small unnecessary detail. If he hadn’t taken
it, he probably would never have met the boy again, seeing as they had two very
different lives. “Even if I dwell more around here than where I actually live.”
he admitted.
Levi hummed, keeping on scrutinizing him vaguely.
He was at a loss, really. They hadn’t said anything beside smalltalk, they
didn’t have anything in common, not age, nor social environment. They just had
sex, and that the man didn’t want to ever do it again didn’t seem like such a
strange possibility.
After all, it had been just once: there wasn’t going to be any seconds.
He lifted himself to his feet, avoiding his eyes. “I have to go.”
“Wait, no” exclaimed Erwin, effectively stopping him and making him turn toward
the man.
Erwin didn’t know how to properly act, the sentiment that moved him was
something he just couldn’t put into words, so he found himself staring.
He opened his mouth… he didn’t know what to say.
“I was… I was wondering if we could meet again.”
Immediately, he felt like an idiot: he sounded just like an adolescent, not the
grown man he was, and all because of a boy that had scrambled his thoughts.
Levi felt his stomach flip, the irises dilating just a fraction even though
nothing transpired through his monochrome expression.
He didn’t know how to feel: if elated by the idea that the other desired him or
disgusted because someone like him wanted to do it again with a teenager.
But after all, it wasn’t his problem, as long as it was what the other wanted
too.
He turned fully toward the man, adjusting the strap on his shoulder.
“It’s fine with me.” he said, looking at him with no fear.
He was feeling sort of agitated but he couldn’t figure out why; maybe because
it was the first time he found himslef in a situation like this.
He grabbed his phone from his jeans pocket, lowering his eyes.
“Give me your number, so you can tell me where and when.” he stated, before
looking back at the man questioningly. “If that’s alright with you.”
Erwin’s stomach hollowed out, making him fall silent, before nodding furiously
and getting his own cellphone.
He hadn’t thought about exchanging numbers, and the tone of respect the other
was using unsettled him a bit. It wasn’t like at work, where it was necessary
between colleagues or with strangers: yeah, the boy was more or less that, but
not fully so.
He’d shared a bed with him and, given the occasion, he’d gladly do it again -he
was on the verge of organizing that occasion, in fact. He told the boy the
digits and diligently took note of his; the diversity of that gesture, of the
way they exchanged contacts, left him feeling lighter, but somewhat anxious
too.
Levi looked at him a moment more, bust partly turned toward the bus stop, as if
waiting for the man to do something else -what, he didn’t know himself.
He still couldn’t believe he’d sought him out to ask him to do it again. He
wasn’t the only one to want it then.
Erwin’s agitation was palpable to him.
He himself should’ve been calm, in the end he’d done worse. A phone number
didn’t mean anything, it sure was compared to getting into his pants. But
something, deep down, scratched insistently reminding him something wasn’t
going the right way -at least, that was his interpretation.
“Perfect… then… I’ll call you.” he concluded, with an urge to shake off that
unsettlement, that strange sensation that reared its head when Levi was around.
Levi just nodded.
He felt kinda relieved, that it had been the other to break the silence, it was
starting to feel stifling; it wasn’t discomfort, just something strange.
He reached the bus without even realizing it, and he hopped on without real
notice of what was around him.
He kept observing the name on the screen with a sort of excitement mixed with
anxiety to which he wasn’t able to give a proper explanation, not that he
wanted to look for one.
It was just some letters, which his lips already had pronounced and that he
read again, rolling the consonants on his tongue experimentally.
Erwin.
Mr. Erwin.
Not bad, for a name.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
     Hello everyone! We found a new translator for the fic <3
     She hasn't an account to ao3 yet, but when she'll have we link her
     profile.
     We decided to post this chapter for the Christmas because of Levi's
     Birthday, of course *^*
     Have a good read guys!
They had agreed to meet in a place which Levi was not used to visit, but that
he knew just by name.
He had waited for his message in a silent and withheld anxiety; it had arrived
during his Literature class, imperceptibly vibrating in the pocket of his
trousers and making him strung tight as a violin string, stretched to its
limit.
He had to calm down, for God's sake. They had done it before, right now there
was no reason to behave like a timorous prudish virgin.
Just few lines, an unfixed appointment.
The place was located in a secondary road - one of these roads that played a
part in making the chosen neighbourhood more chaotic and bewildering. Neon
lights outside little bars and dives illuminated sparsely, but just enough, the
narrow street, almost as if they were meant to give a feeling of intimacy or to
hide what was not supposed to be seen and had to stand secret in the eyes of
others.
He turned up a bit late, finding the other already there and waiting.
At first he did not recognize him: he was wearing a long big heavy coat that
covered his whole body and part of his head with its lifted collar, but getting
close his broad shoulders started looking familiar, confirmed later by his
blond hair and the face that turned around to look at the boy, staring him with
his light eyes that shined in the semi-darkness.
Erwin had waited for him and then, when he had seen him, he could not keep
himself from smiling broadly with relief, because something inside him was
still quite sceptical: he did not know if Levi would have come back, despite
everything and, seeing the other there, gave him a burst of confidence.
He greeted him with a quick nod, while he was waiting for the boy to reach him;
he knew he could not do it, it was almost obvious that the young man was not
old enough to drink alcohol. However, just asking for it was a way to calm down
himself and to help the younger one to relax - even though probably it was just
him, who was as nervous as a boy.
«Do you want something?» He asked, looking at Levi and trying to stop that
feeling of exciting anticipation, that would just not disappear.
The minor looked at the bar's entrance: some stairs in the ground floor lead to
an ordinary door, marked with some ordinary normal words, without any bright
showy neon light.
He was not afraid for his demure virginity, but that place was, unlikely all
those in the neighbourhood, the most decent and normal.
He turned again to look at Erwin's partially shaded face, his hands in the
pockets of his trousers and his shoulders relaxed.
«I prefer not.» He placidly answered, denying the drink with a little shake of
his head.
Erwin nodded and he headed to the stairs, starting to descend them soon after.
«We have to go this way to get to the bedrooms.» The man explained after a few
steps, turning around and seeing the perplexity in the boy's apathetic calm
stare.
The young man followed him after a brief moment of deliberation.
If something had gone wrong, he would have found someone to punch and make them
regret to have messed with somebody that knew what he was doing, even though he
had the facial features of a schoolboy.
As he expected, they entered a small room, not at all sloppy, but refined in
his plainness: a long bar was situated near the right wall; some padded
barstools, made of black leather, were placed just in front of it. On the other
side, there were a couple of couches, small dark tables, a few chairs and
little chandeliers. The lights were pervading, warm and cosy, and they
illuminated what was essential and hid what was necessary.
So, this was the kind of place that the man used to visit.
He followed him slowly, looking around without focusing his eyes on anything in
particular for too long, in-taking only salient details: a barman behind the
bar, two men seated on the barstools and drinking, a man and a woman on the
last couch in the corner, and a man alone, maybe waiting for someone.
Nobody seemed to notice him, or at least they were trying not to.
Each one of them had something to hide, more or less, as he was not the only
one who was doing something that he was not supposed to.
Erwin leaned over the bar and whispered something to the barman - a tall man,
dark hair laced up behind his neck, glasses straddled on his nose.
Levi stayed further back, the soft music - sounded like jazz - was filling his
ears.
He was brought back to reality by Erwin's stare and his movement when he
finished talking. He was looking at him almost as if he was waiting for the
other to closely follow him; Levi glimpsed something in the hands of the man,
something that was not there before, a magnetic key.
At the end of the room there was a door, and they went past it without any
complaint from anyone. They got to a small entrance, or at least it seemed like
it, with some little couches in both sides, and, at the very end, a lifter made
of steel.
He entered it, letting the other to lead him.
Erwin would have lied if he had said that he was not feeling the adrenaline
bursting in his veins; he could have chosen a different place, but that bar was
one of his favourite's, even before he had got married, even when he had felt
depressed, even when everything was going wrong.
It was a cathartic place, in which he felt safe and calm: he could not have
chosen a better spot, to meet Levi again, to share something with him, another
time.
He pressed the third floor button, the last floor, in which the room that he
had just booked was located. He would have wanted to break that silence, but he
did not know what to say, still convinced that their world was different and
that, mostly, their lives too were different. However, when a sound in the
elevator informed them to have reached the floor, he finally spoke.
«This is the first time that I get to the upper floor» He whispered, leaving
the elevator, looking around with curiosity. The atmosphere was different, not
kitsch nor bare. The corridor was narrow and the colour on the walls was faded,
but the doors were shiny and the plates polished. He looked at the doors to
understand which was the right direction to go, checking again the number of
the room: 39. «I think... Right.» He added, before going in that direction. He
did not know if the floor was in the shape of an exact square or if it was just
a corridor, he would have known walking through it.
Levi stared at him for a moment: his serious profile was diminished by his
light eyes, while he was proceeding in front of him.
He asked himself if he should have believed him, or if he was talking rubbish
about that place - probably he had already gone there, but he had never got to
the third floor, staying in the rooms of the first floors, quicker and easier
to reach.
In silence, he saw him stopping in front of the assigned door.
It was just like the others: modern, made of iron and steel, to remind people
of the bar downstairs. The walls, as everybody would have noticed, belonged to
a different building that had just been renovated: usually, this kind of
combination would have been awful to look at, but in this case the doors seemed
to amalgamate to the rest of the structure.
A click and the door was open.
The room reflected the plain and refined style of the bar. Everything was more
modern, a completely different place from what it seemed from a first glance at
its exterior, in that little secondary road, full of electric wires that
succeeded one another from gutter to gutter, following the outlines of old
scruffy buildings, beaten up by time.
«I can't believe that there's a place like this in such a neighbourhood...»
Murmured the dark haired, walking around the room while Erwin was turning the
lights on, just to set it to a lustrous tone, using its sensor situated near
the socket.
The small entrance led to a quite large room, its walls coloured with a plain
blinding white, furnished with minimal dark appliances: a double bed on the
right and two bedside made of steel on both sides of the bed, where two wall
lamps stood attached right on top of them.
In front of those, a dark desk, a flat TV and, under it, a mini-bar. All this
would have seemed too cold if not for the warm and cosy light coming from the
lamps.
Levi reached the window, moving the curtains to the side, finding the wall of a
building, copper wires and drains ran across it.
He wandered how much that place had cost him...«Something less demanding would
have been as fine.» The young man said with a low voice, turning around while
he was taking off his coat.
Erwin stared at him and shrugged his shoulders, careless about that statement.
«I prefer places that I already know.» He admitted; he had never booked a room,
but given the fact that he was used to stay in the bar, he had become more
confident about that building and he trusted the discretion of its employees.
«I used to come here when I was studying.» He added then, while he was trying
to relax himself, taking off his coat and unfastening two buttons of his shirt,
getting closer to the younger one.
«Would you like us to get something with the room service?» He asked,
distractedly reaching with the tips of his fingers for the other's side, trying
to get a hold of his stare.
Levi imperceptibly tensed, looking down, far from the eyes of the other man,
who was leaving his coat on the couch.
He had changed his voice, Erwin, making it warmer and lower than before.
He shook his head, refusing again. His stomach was twisted, the muscles of his
abdomen were contracting with spasms caused by that tension that he had just
forgot to feel; they were there to have sex, not on holiday.
He got as close as possible, coming face to face with the other. He felt the
heat coming from the man's body from that silly short distance that separated
them, just one step from the other; he was wearing the same perfume as the time
before, and smelling it provoked a thrill that run down in his spine.
He stretched out his hands, rising them and touching the edge of the light
fabric and the line of buttons still held into the buttonhole. Those skilled
slow movements that he made to open the shirt revealed his excitement, which
was tightening his throat and tensing his muscles.
Erwin faintly smiled; he delicately touched the younger's side again, lifting
his t-shirt and coming in contact with the skin of his flat stomach.
He lowered his head, so that he could kiss his neck and cheek, his eyes lazily
half-closed, while he was moving from his stomach to his chest, his hands going
up and down; then he grabbed the t-shirt, he rolled it up and he lifted it
helping the other to get rid of it.
The minor trembled, pandering the man and letting his hands on the other's
shirt, before finishing what he had started when his t-shirt had been thrown to
the ground.
The fresh air of the room tickled the ivory-like skin of his chest and stomach.
His grey eyes were still staring down, even when the other undressed him,
lifting his hands under the white material that was covering his shoulders,
compelling him to get naked.
He gently touched again his wide chest, which was standing just in front of his
eyes.
Levi remembered his body, very frequently, during his classes; his mind used to
take him back to the memories of tensed flesh, contracted muscles that relaxed
just after a thrust and then tightened one more time. It was just for a moment,
but he clearly felt his stomach contracting and a shiver starting from his
lower belly.
He pushed on that chest with his palms, enjoying the feeling, its warmth, its
smell that was going to eat him alive and leave him breathless.
He continued his way down, touching the dimples between his muscles and his
abdominals- he must have been way more vigorous when he was younger.
Then he stopped, holding his breath and sensing the pulsation of his desire in
his lower parts, inflaming his loins just by looking at the hem of his
trousers, where a line of light hairs descended and hid itself.
Erwin stared at him, the two of them standing dressed only from their waist
down: he liked the way the other was touching him, undisturbed, but not at all
impassive, while their bodies were quivering with growing lust as they were
exploring each other, even though they had already had the possibility to do it
the first time.
He let Levi's hands moving around curiously, while he was observing the young
man delicate body and his slow fingertips, studying the shape of his narrow
shoulders and of his clavicle, of his neck; his stare was following an
imaginary line from his stomach and then again to his lower belly.
The minor looked up, the colour of his eyes seemed like the silvery facets of a
metal forged in the crystal water of the mountains. He opened his lips just as
much as he needed to be desired by the other, certain that he wanted to take
him in that second.
Erwin thought that he would have liked to fuck him there, standing and without
any hold except for their bodies, but he was not as restless to consider it as
a valid option in that context, or at least these were his first thoughts; at
the same time, he was telling himself that there was no reason not to excite
his own sexual fantasies, given the fact that both of them were there for that
purpose.
He reached for his neck, slowly biting him, kissing him, while he started to
squeeze his butt-cheeks: they were firm as he remembered them, little and
round, perfect. He pushed himself against him, and at the same time he led him
to the wall, until it was impossible to move from that spot, but without
restraining him completely. He could have asked, if he wanted to do it like
that, but he preferred to study the reactions of his adolescent and full of
excitement body, while he was unzipping his trousers and kissing his mouth,
sucking his lips and tongue.
Levi's eyelashes thrilled, when the wall softly touched his back.
He moved his lips, a small wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows, reaching for
the other's mouth as if he had been waiting for that moment since he first saw
him in the street.
He tasted of mint, probably because he had eaten some sweet, and of tobacco.
He tried, tilting his head, to touch the base of his neck, surrounding it just
to get a grip, responding to the kiss.
His shoulders were tensed, his muscles in the chest flickered from time to
time. He did not know whether he wanted to do it like that, standing.
«Do you want?... Here?» He murmured while he was taking a breath, drifting away
a bit to have some space.
Erwin faintly smiled, looking at the younger man breathing.
«Don't you?» He whispered, smacking a kiss on his mouth; his fingers were
slipping down in his underwear, to touch him and feel excitement and adrenaline
just like the first time.
He held a gulp, the latter, tensing as a violin string; his head was leaned
against the wall, his lips strongly pressed together, trying not to moan.
Erwin licked his neck, sucking his skin with his eyes closed. «If you don't
want to, we can go to another place.»
His hand was slowly moving, pressing where everything was hotter, where his
jeans were becoming more and more tight, while the air was struggling to fill
his lungs.
He desired him. He had been desiring him for days, at school, at home at night;
it had hurt him the first time, but the second time his orgasm had made him
tremble so much that he wanted him again.
His body wanted him.
Later, coming to his senses, he would tell himself that he was not going to be
as those sluts that sold their bodies to fuck two or three times per night,
just for lust and pleasure.
Nonetheless, he was there, holding his moans caused by an older man, probably
married and with a family, and that was used to get excited to do it with boys
.
It was just sex.
He used to remind it to himself, with Farlan's voice, like a mantra that he
started to repeat when he understood the wrong part of that situation. It was
just sex, nobody would have known with whom he was doing it.
Instead of fucking a plastic doll or insert things inside him, he was doing it
with someone that wanted him as much as he was, in that silent agreement.
Without money, without feelings or compromising stuff.
He showed him his back, turning around. His hand were pressed against the wall
not far from the window; he bent over, his hair were slightly touching the
silhouette of his white neck, the line of his spine blending in to the soft
curve of his butt-cheeks, partly naked thanks to his trousers and underwear
that had fallen...
He felt his heart pumping blood as loud as their first encounter, nervous and
anxious.
«Relax, I don't want to hurt you.» The man whispered to his ear, noticing the
rigidity in the boy's physique, while he was holding their bodies, chest
against back, without pressing too much or squeezing him, before drowning again
on his neck, which had become rather red.
His hands explored him, lowering his clothes and showing his round butt-cheeks,
tonic as he remembered them, soft and elastic. His fingers sank in them and he
felt pleasure just by that movement, that was not erotic nor twisted.
He breathed, when he felt them, his tight groin was relieved from his
compelling trousers.
He kissed those shoulders that Levi, against his will, kept tensing; he inhaled
the scent of his skin, sinking in him and drowning, once again, in that cloud
of shared pleasure.
 
The water was dripping on his body, filling each dimple and flowing on every
corner of his body, to fall to the white shower's floor.
He closed his eyes, before turning off the stream and getting out; a little
cloud of vapour was spreading across the small bathroom of the bedroom - he did
not know if he could define it as a hotel or if it was just rooms for a fee.
He wore a bathrobe that was double his size, drying his face before a murmur
could leave his mouth, captured by the fabric of the sleeve.
They had done it two times.
As the first time, they had not stop after one sexual intercourse, but they had
wanted to do it again. His hips were hurting; while he was undressing, he had
felt a terrible pain that had almost make him cry of discomfort, that he had
hold back by biting his lips.
It ached, even though it was not the first time, but now pleasure had filled
him more than the pain caused by his thrusts and his member between his butt-
cheeks.
He had enjoyed it more... Maybe.
He got out of the bathroom, the fog disappeared in the entrance.
The man was sitting against the headboard, his legs stretched on the bed, one
above the other. His blue eyes were reflecting the colours of the television,
but they soon looked up at him, once he got close to the bed.
«I am done Mister, you can go now.» He said, while he was sitting at the edge
of the mattress and drying his dark wet hair with the long sleeves of his
bathrobe.
Erwin turned his head to follow the voice, trying to smile gently. «All
right...» He wanted to tell him to stop being so formal, but at the same time
that distance was, as a matter of fact, a way to keep that distance that
allowed them not to become too close, even though he was starting to feel
uncomfortable, given his personality.
He stood up, stretching his arms and neck, to get near the young man. «What
would you say, if I asked you to cut on formalities?» He said distractedly, his
hand passing through his wet hair.
In fact, he was not hopeful at all - and something inside him found the whole
situation attractive, being called that way made their relationship even
naughtier.
Levi looked up when the man was already walking to the bathroom, his question
still lingering in the air as light as the question itself.
He wrapped himself up in the terry towel, following the images in the TV with
his eyes.
He did not even notice that he was calling him "mister".
It had seemed something normal to do, given the fact that he was older and they
did not even know each other; something that, as far as he was concerned, had
to remain the same to avoid whatever feeling.
Erwin decided that he had to think about it, because he had not answered
straight away and he was disposed to respect his choice. On the other hand,
during his shower he couldn't help himself and he started to feel better and
relaxed, euphoria was mixed to the same satisfaction that he had experienced
after his first time with the younger.
He passed both hands through his hair, trying to get rid of the shampoo and
sighing happily.
It did not take too much to Erwin to have a shower and to get out from the
bathroom, wrapped up in a bathrobe, a towel on his wet hair. Levi had dressed
himself, with his dark shirt and short dark pants.
His hair was still wet and he was dabbing them from time to time.
He hesitated a bit before looking up and trying to reintroduce the topic.
«Concerning the "mister" thing,» The man started with a calm voice, doing his
best not to show anxiety. «Does it disturb you, mister? It seemed the right
thing to do, because I'm younger than you.» Levi explained quickly, looking at
the man's metallic eyes, analysing his expression.
«No problem. Many people call me "mister" during the day even if they are not
younger... At least when we are just us two, wouldn't it be easier for you?» He
asked; his children preferred to avoid "mister", no matter who they were
talking to, even though they were well-educated and never forgot good manners,
but maybe Levi was not like that.
Levi's wet dark hair were slightly touching his temples, covering his eyes.
He slowly nodded, lowering his eyes for an instant.
«If for you, mis- if for you is not a problem...» He muttered, hesitant.
As a response, Erwin smiled.
«Then it's decided.» He sat on the bed, looking at his face and bending just as
much as he needed to be close enough to kiss him on his lips, still swollen
even after the shower. «Do I have to wake you up early tomorrow? This place is
rather far.»
Levi tensed a bit when the other kissed him, a fairly simple but intimate
action; nonetheless, he did not say anything and he pulled back his head. It
was not bothering, but he felt like it was too... Intimate.
He shook his head, hiding his anxiety.
«It doesn't matter, I always wake up at sunrise.»He said calmly, crossing his
legs and grabbing his ankles with both hands.
He hesitated again, before daring to ask - curiously. «Mis- Do you usually come
here?»
Yes, he was curious about that man, of what he was.
«I used to. Now not as often as before... My job requires a lot of me.
Sometimes I can't even go home.» He explained; he was happy that the younger
was trying to be interested in him, it meant that they were building some kind
of relationship, even though there was still a distance between them, in that
situation, at least in the beginning.
He asked himself if it was something normal for Levi to sleep with semi-unknown
people, but on the other hand he could not say anything, because he was young
and he seemed like a twenty-year-old man: he was responsible for his life. «Do
you know this neighbourhood?»
«Yes, I do.» He answered peacefully, relaxing his shoulders and plumping his
cushion up behind his back. «But I didn't think that it could host a place like
this... After all, this area is what it is.»
Levi had grown up in run-down neighbourhoods and crappy residential areas. When
he was a child, he used to see people smoking pot or drug-dealing almost every
night, in a corner near his house; nobody, though, had convinced him to do
anything against his will.
He knew somebody that lived there, their poor life-style, but they still
carried on with their lives; it had been the same for him. He could not say
that that area was exactly the same - the most peculiar places were motels
where everything was done with massive discretion - but it did not seem the
sort of district that people like Erwin could frequent regularly.
Erwin nodded, before sitting near the young man, his pillow behind his back,
and relaxing his muscles, less stretched after the shower.
«True; when I first discovered it, I got struck by it; I was going to school
and, back then, this area was not considered as bad as you can see it now.
Obviously, it was still visited by those people that could not afford richer
places.» He murmured, looking at the television.
«I stopped coming here a decade ago; now I pass by just a few times, but not as
before. This place remained the same, but I think that this floor was not here
five or six years ago. But I could be wrong.» If he had been there with Nora,
they would have probably enjoyed the service, when they had been in a kind of
relationship that allowed them to satisfy their desires.
Levi listened to him, thinking that he had been there with someone else; maybe
with some woman after work or some boy with whom he had drank something.
That thought made his stomach turn, a vague sense of discomfort was gripping
his belly.
Something inside him believed that it was normal to go to a place to spent a
little time and express their desires with an occasional partner, for a non-
married man - he did not have a ring on his finger, he had noticed the first
time.
He lowered his eyes, starting to play distractedly with the end of his
bathrobe, which Erwin was still wearing.
«This place is not bad. For big fishes.» He muttered without an apparent
reason, his dark eyebrows were curved up surprise. «It must be very expensive
to book even for one night.»
Erwin giggled, but he did not seem too amused.
«One of the positive aspects about having to do 12 hours shifts and being
called when they need you is that you have money to throw away.» He stated, not
too happily.
Why would he have been happy? Did the fact that he was gaining lots of money
allow him to keep in touch with the people he loved? It did not give him the
stability he was looking for, nor something long-lasting and worth fighting
for. But he loved himself too much to let go,and he loved his job.
He watched Levi playing with the belt of his bathrobe and he sincerely smiled -
more sincerely than the previous time. «My dream was to be a doctor, so I can't
complain about it.»
Levi turned his face, curving his eyebrows in surprise, not able to hide his
expression with his usual calm.
«Are you a doctor?» He asked, even though it seemed more like a statement than
a question.
He had stopped playing and he was now focused on the other.
He partly wanted to imagine him with his white apron, one of those things that
doctors need to listen to your heartbeat and, maybe, two glasses on his nose -
did he wear glasses? He was not the type, and moreover glasses would have
ruined the colour of his eyes. «I would have guessed lawyer. Or notary.» He
said, bending the corner of his lips in a sardonic smile.
«Really? They always told me that I have the face of a doctor.» He replied; he
could not say why: was it because of his reassuring expression? Or his calm
behaviour?
On the contrary he could not imagine himself doing another job: he believed
that lawyers were too peculiar, same as notaries, who were equally impossible
to understand for him. His thoughts went to the meeting with his divorce
lawyer, expected in a couple of days, but it all happened quickly and he tried
to get red of them as fast as possible.
«I liked the idea of doing something useful for other people.»
«It also gives you some sort of handy skill.» Added softly the dark-haired,
focusing once again on the belt of his bathrobe.
He was looking distractedly to the mattress, his eyelids lowered on his iris:
«It is cynical, but I don't believe in giving without receiving; people are not
so self-less to think about others first, especially when they work.» He said
without any kind of inflection in his voice, but his words had a hint of
obviousness and awareness.
Erwin did not reply, because he knew that he was right: nobody could just live
on good actions and he was the first one to recognize it. He was surprised that
such a young man had already that opinion of the world. «I have no doubt on
it.»
Levi did not worry to understand if the man had insulted him or he had got
offended - anyway, he did not care about anyone's opinion. He closed his eyes,
making himself comfortable against the pillows. «If I could, I'd like to do a
job like yours; something that allowed me to live well.»
«Why wouldn't you do it?» He asked then after hearing Levi's voice, looking at
him when he was not paying attention.
«Because I can't afford to study, and neither I would waste my money on that.»
He explained.
Erwin found the answer exhaustive and coherent.
«It would be an investment on your future.» He stated, looking at something
far, but there was no sign of arrogance or a paternalistic behaviour, but just
sincerity, while he was staring at him again. «Moreover, you already have a
job, you could use some of your savings to achieve one of your goals. Or not.»
He thought that he had always been provident regarding this particular
subjects: he had a quite respectable bank account, but also some savings that
he had stored for an eventual crisis; he knew that after he would have not had
that much for himself, given the fact that there was more than a slight chance
of getting some consequences from the divorce and child custody.
Levi was not thinking the same: a grimace appeared on his lips for a moment,
while his forehead was wrinkled in an upset expression.
«That's not a job. I only do it because I don't have a choice. I don't want to
help in a petrol station all my life.». He replied with a mannered tone in his
voice. «Do you believe that if I could choose, I wouldn't study something at
University that would allow me to have different options? Obviously, I
would...» He confessed with a vague whisper and a tired sigh. His hair were
still damp and were falling on his forehead without bothering him, as he was
not seeing them; he had a distant stare, concentrated on the wall in front of
the bed. «I am pragmatic, I don't live on illusions as many others; life
doesn't give me much, and that little I have, I can't just use it for an
uncertain future.»
Probably, he was going to study something related to commerce, or business
administration; something that would allow him to open his own business, his
own shop.
He would have liked it.
He got rid of that thought, sighing softly and shrugging his shoulders.
«Moreover, school restrains me too much, it doesn't allow me to do more.»
«I understand... But I don't think you should give up from the beginning. All
right, not everybody have the same possibilities, but who said that in your
future you won't be able to achieve what you desire?» He stated; he did not
want to seem to easy-going or a daydreamer - even though he was, and one of the
biggest daydreamers... He had always been like that - but he did not want to
see that boy thinking that he was not able to reach a goal, denying himself the
chance to really have something. «Being pragmatic doesn't mean that you have to
refuse to put some effort in things. There are so many people that decide to
continue their studies after on, once they have their lives in their own hands,
to achieve something that, without a secure job, they wouldn't have even hoped
to obtain.»
It was a topic that he had always cared about, education, partially because he
had loved - and he still loved - to improve himself, partly because he knew how
much his children hated to study, even though he used to repeat them how
important it was and haw they were, probably, going to regret it at some point
in their lives.
Levi looked briefly to the man, who was laying on his side. Erwin had the
peaceful looks of somebody who had managed to become something in life and did
not have regrets concerning this matter; it was not arrogance, but just some
tips that he had received in the past or that he had heard from another person
- he did not know.
He was not judging him, at least he was not so explicit.
The boy discovered that it was not bothering him at all, to confide on somebody
older than him, who had already gone through many problems in the past. Even
though he did not know whether the man was doing it for charity or a real
interest on his life.
«I'm not saying I'm giving up...» He answered muttering, looking again at his
hands, that were still holding the belt. He pulled it on the side, without
paying attention on the fact that he had almost undone the knot of his
bathrobe. «But I'm not the kind of person that plans things. When I say that I
am pragmatic, this is what I also mean: I think about what I have to do today
or in a week. I keep my feet on the ground, and I don't build up fantasies on
what I "desire" to do in the future; life does not listen to people's dreams.»
He exhaled, with a low sigh, almost musing, like it was just a sentence that he
had kept repeating more than once.
A prod of curiosity gave life to his stare; he sat and he turned to face him,
his legs bent near him. «Mister, did something like that ever happen to you? Or
you already knew what you wanted to be?»
«Yes, a doctor. » He repeated, slightly smiling. «Do you know when you're a
child and you say that you want to be an astronaut? Well, I wanted to be a
doctor... My ideas were pretty much set from the beginning.» He joked, while he
was remembering that often, when he was an adolescent, he had continue to
repeat it, but there was a moment - just before finishing high school - in
which he had thought he was not going to be able to do it and he was too scared
to even think about it. «I admit that I had some sort of second thought, just
before starting university. I thought I was not good enough, in some ways:
maybe because my life was going somewhere else than I expected.»
He had lost some friendships at the end of high school and he had met as many
new people later, but it had been a period of assessment and, often, he had
thought that he had not enough motivation or skills to share with others. Then
Nora had arrived and, who knows how, his life had taken a different turn, but
without stopping.
«With this, I'm not saying that everybody must know what they want to do, nor
that your way to approach your future is wrong. It is much more coherent than
mine... But you're so young. You shouldn't think this about life; you still
have time, twenty years I'd say.» He admitted, staring at him, noticing his
genuine curiosity. He stretched out his hand, just to pass it through the boy's
dark hair, messed up because of its nature and because of him.
He was asking himself how it was possible that somebody so young and more
mature than the twenty years that he demonstrated could be so mature and adult.
He had such a strong opinion about the world, that the man almost felt sad for
him, for the guy that just could not be.
Levi let the other do, closing his eyes just a moment before tilt his head.
«And you're still calling me mister.» Erwin stated, a benevolent smile
lingering on his lips.
And there he was, the grown-up boy, while he was noticing his mistake and,
looking away, was apologizing, his white cheeks slightly red with discomfort -
probably caused by the cosy light of the lamps.
«Sorry...»
He was young, at least some parts of him were, when he reminded himself of it.
The boy stared at him, getting closer and covering that short distance that
divided them, opening his legs and sitting on his lower belly.
He was wearing his short dark pants to cover his white thighs and butt-cheeks,
and a dark T-shirt. His hand was still holding the edge of the bathrobe's belt
and, pulling it slowly on the side, he undid the knot that was keeping the
bathrobe closed, opening it on his chest.
Erwin was naked, he was not wearing pants nor anything else.
His metallic eyes were once again sharp and focused on the emotionless
porcelain face, while Levi was pressing his cold hands against the man's warm
skin, on his slightly tensed belly.
His butt-cheeks moved a bit, in a gesture that was willingly sexy and inexpert
at the same time, rubbing his lower belly where he felt the man's sex.
«I have time for something else, if you want.» He whispered, looking at him
from his higher point of view.
Erwin smiled faintly, moving his hands on his narrow hips, guiding - not too
much - the young man's body on top of him, against his warm body that, just by
looking at him, was quickly becoming hotter. He liked him very much, he could
not deny it, he liked him as he would have liked a woman, even though that boy
was not flamboyant nor he tried to act like that. He was just young and that,
in some ways, made him feel better.
«I have time too... Whatever you want, for now.» He answered with the same tone
of voice, while with his fingers he started caressing his butt-cheeks from
above the tight pants, pressing between them, rubbing them gently and grabbing
them, squeezing their well-known and hard consistence.
Levi tensed his muscles, holding a hot breath between his lips; he closed his
eyes, bending down to reach the man, his hands were grabbing Erwin's neck.
The older's fingers were still pressing, tingling an orifice under the pants
that he had profaned until a hour before, but that, he felt, was quivering
again.
«However, technically I'm not twenty yet.» He whispered, turning back on that
thought that he had almost forgotten.
His thin lips smacked a kiss against the man's neck, while he was sinking in
his smell and his tongue was lingering on his skin.
His hand reached his own pants, lowering them and, after some struggles,
freeing on of his legs.
«Ah, you don't?» Erwin panted, his eyes starting to fill with desire, his
member was tensing and rubbing between the boy's naked butt-cheeks. «So, how
old are you?» He answered without a reason, giving the fact that he was already
taking him, thinking about the young man's body on top of him and that,
surprisingly for his forty years, he was feeling desire burning in his loins
like that.
«Seventeen.»
The response reached his ears in a moan, almost at the same time as Levi was
sitting on the man's sex.
Erwin sighed, to hold his breath while that information was quickly and harshly
taking shape.
Seventeen.
Seventeen what?
He groaned, while his quivering body was feeling hotter and hotter, wrapped in
that warm tight sheath that he had learned to recognize, discovering once again
that strange breath-taking sensation that excited him even more.
Seventeen years old.
Fuck.
He swore in his mind, but he was not in himself enough to react differently
than just sighing again, his body full of hidden excitement. He was seventeen,
he was not legal and he was fucking him. In fact, he had already fucked him.
He sank his face against the younger's shoulder, closing his eyes to recollect
his thoughts, even though it was not easy in those circumstances.
Probably, he was lucky that Levi seemed older, otherwise he would have
seriously risked to go to jail - as it corresponded. What the hell was he
thinking about, to fall for an almost adolescent thing, acting like his
hormones had taken over him - hormones that he had not considered as strong as
in the past. He would have punched himself, but it was too late and there were
no possible setbacks - not in that case.
They were not even using some sort of protection , he realised, to forget it
again in a corner of his mind: he would have thought about it later, he would
have had the time to feel like a shitty boys' corrupter. But now he was just
focusing to satisfy his needs, to push himself in that choking warmth and in
that welcoming body.
He said nothing, because in that moment the only thing he could do was grabbing
him and pulling the boy on the mattress, just to reach that orgasm that,
hearing Levi's moans and groans, they both had to reach as soon as possible.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
     Here we are with a new chapter.
     The translator who is kindly helping us now has a new page on ao3 and
     we leave here her link!
     If you feel inclined to leave a review, it really makes our day! :)
Erwin did not sleep at all, it was not possible to deny it. Once they had
finished the intercourse, once he had started to breathe regularly again and
laid down, he had wished good night to the boy and he had rested with his back
on the mattress. It was a strange position for him, because he considered it
too uncomfortable: he liked to sleep on his side, or with his belly in direct
contact with the mattress; when he adopted that particular position though, it
meant that he had to think. Intensely.
Obviously, he had snoozed, but his sleep was so shallow and tormented by his
thoughts that he had not really rested. Neither he had a moment of peace from
his consciousness, which was constantly reminding him what he had discovered.
He felt horrible, he could perceive a weight on his chest, something heavy that
made him understand - clearly - that what he had done had been terribly wrong
since the beginning. Being drew to someone so young had somehow created an
illusion that was making him feel young again. The fact that Levi was a male
was not relevant any more, on the contrary, it was superfluous if compared to
the whole situation, to the reality that there was a twenty year gap between
them and that Levi was still a boy without the right to vote or to consent to
anything. He had taken advantage of an adolescent, who was just two years older
than Allison. How much could he be disgusting? And the problem was not only
that: he had liked it and he had liked it very much.
He rested his hand on his palm, exasperated, smoking the umpteenth cigarette.
During the umpteenth break that he had taken while working he was getting
crazy, he was denying all that had been a pillar of his life.
He had cheated on his wife, even though she was going to be his ex soon.
He had sex without being sentimentally committed, but just because his hormones
had driven him to make the choice.
He had fucked a seventeen-year-old, and it did not matter that he seemed older.
And the last time he did not even wear a condom.
Damn, he was becoming a vile person. How could he look at himself in the
mirror? How? He was forty and he behaved like a young man of twenty, victim of
his own lust. Was it a symptom of the mid life crisis? However, he was not
fifty and he did not feel old!
«Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.»
«Do you want to fuck?» said somebody behind his shoulders; Erwin looked in the
direction of the voice, shaking his head and sighing. He wanted to talk about
it with Mike, but he could not: he did not want to hear what he already knew.
«I think I made a big misjudgement...» He murmured, before breathing in the
smoke, closing his eyes and then looking down.
«Oh, is your relationship not going too well?»
«You can say so. Moreover, we just have sex.» Mike looked at him, in his green
eyes he could see the answer to something that Erwin had not said and, as a
consequence, he decided to suggest it.
«You know that you're not made for this kind of thing...»
«I know, but lately I'm afraid to have become someone different, somebody that
I don't know. I'm afraid to look at myself in the mirror.»
«So, you must find your true self again»
Erwin laughed: how could he find himself, if he had no clue about where to
start?
«I'll try.» He concluded, putting out the cigarette with his thumb, throwing it
away before going back inside. He still had many hours ahead of him, before
going back to think about his misbehaviour.
He could not believe he was about to think that, but he could not find other
adjectives to describe his current status.
He had been a dick.
Totally and literally, from every perspective, he belonged to that category of
people.
And he could not care less about what the teacher had been saying for hours,
something about the history of Communism in Germany or some other bullshit
about the politics of a country that did not interested him, at least in that
particular moment.
He had been repeating it for days; he had been a dick and foolish..
He clasped his hands together, placing them in front of his mouth; his eyes
were surrounded by a dark shadow that made them look even darker and his face
paler than ever, making the life of those near him tormented, regardless of the
fact that they would have met him in the street or they would be his
classmates; even in that moment, he heard a squeak coming from the desk on his
right.
He did not even look at his mate that, seeing the death stare on Levi's face,
had become pale like a ghost and was praying the gods to let him be and not to
pay the price of Levi's bad mood.
It had been weeks - two, to be exact.
The other did not call or texted and neither Levi had had time nor will to grab
the phone and tell Erwin something.
Bullshit, he would have wanted to write to him, but he had restrained himself
to do that.
He did not need his help. He was a nobody.
However, both of them had fucked up, and he was responsible for that.
God, he had been such a dick!
He let his teeth clash together, and another feeble noise squeaked from his
right side, just before the sound of the bell that announced the beginning of
the lunch break.
The noise of the desks and chairs moving did not disturb him, who lied against
the back of his seat and hid his hands in the pockets of his trousers. Farlan
got closer to him.
«You just have to stop it, Levi.»
«Stop what?». He did not even look at him, but he kept his eyes fixed on
something in front of him.
«Stop having that expression on your face. You are scaring half of the
students.» Farlan warned him. «And also, you don't want to tell me what the
fuck is going on with you.». His voice betrayed the discomfort in those words,
accusing him of something; Levi was his best friend, the only friend he had
except for Isabel. He understood him a bit, or at least he tried to.
He was just jealous, Farlan, not as a girl with her boyfriend, but as a best
friend that was seeing somebody abusing of his friend's freedom. And the fact
that he was not revealing what had happened was driving him crazy.
He looked around. The class was almost empty; a group of girls was just
grabbing some money from their backpacks in order to buy lunch.
Levi sighed, looking down as the door was finally closing.
«Look...» he started, knowing that he needed Farlan's full attention. «Have you
ever made it without a condom?»
There was a second of silence, in which Farlan seemed to familiarise the
question.
He blinked.
«Sex?»
«... No, peeing. Of course I'm talking about sex, Farlan! » he exploded,
looking away in boredom and frustration.
«And, you are brooding over this thing? » Farlan asked, sitting on the chair
beside Levi's desk. He lifted his eyebrows.
«Of course I am. I made it with somebody I don't even know, do you think I
should worry about it? » he said sarcastically, being annoyed about the stupid
question he had asked and because sometimes he was too shallow.
«Yes, but how many times? More than once?»
Levi shook his head. «Once.»
«See, this is not too bad.» he tried to calm his friend, even though he was
keeping the pitch of his voice down, looking at him gravely.
Levi avoided Farlan's eyes, still brooding, making his brain think about all
the consequences that he might got in the worse hypothesis; he had been
brooding every night, and the more he had thought about it, the more his
headache had got worse.
«And what if I get a STD? That's fucking gross...». He was so disgusted just
thinking about that in his face appeared a glimpse of emotion.
In fact, he was thinking about one thing only: Erwin was a doctor, or at least
that's what he had been said that night.
He thought that, given the job that he had and the kind of places that he used
to frequent, he could not be the type of person who does not take a shower
often... Moreover, they had had sex after a shower, he repeated to himself like
a mantra; he should not worry that much.
And again, doctors do not get that kind of disease, right? If they cured
others, they would cure themselves first to find out if everything was fine...
He wondered.
«Listen, why don't you ask him?» Farlan said, finding the obvious and logical
solution to the matter.
Levi did not answer; he had thought about that too, but he was afraid to be the
classic paranoid boy.
He had barely seen the way Erwin had reacted when he had told him his age;
regardless the fact that he was fucking him, it had seemed like he had been
splashed with a bucket full of freezing water.
He grinned his teeth, his gaze more concentrated than ever.
He hated to brood. He was not that kind of guy, holy shit!
«If you want, I'll do it.» Farlan suggested, smiling at him in a way that upset
Levi, who gave his friend a death stare. «It's the only way and you know it. If
you don't want to risk making your head explode right here.»
Farlan was right even on this point.
He grabbed his phone in his pockets.
To: Mr. Erwin.
I need to speak with you. Meet you in the place where we met last time.
Friday, 9.30 p.m.
He sent it before Farlan could see the name of the man - despite the fact that
he guessed that he already knew.
He felt remorseful right after sending it. He had been so bold, almost like he
was giving the man orders to follow and with much, too much confidence.
He wrote another message.
To: Mr. Erwin
If you can.
At the end, Erwin had answered late that night, agreeing on the terms.
Levi had arrived earlier, this time; he was that nervous to ask what he had to
learn that he had left his place one hour before the meeting, and now he was
wrapped in his dark coat, waiting in that street.
Erwin was on time.
The blonde haired saw Levi in his coat; he would have wanted to ask him if he
was cold, because it seemed like he was, but a part of himself, the one that
had been dying with guilt and remorse, told him that this was the minor issue
there: when he had received the message, he had been thinking about either
accepting or not for the whole day long. He should have broken the relationship
from that point, but he had not and God, he felt so horrible that he could not
just be happy with that.
«Hey.» he greeted him, trying to appear less devastated than he was; that boy
hurt him, but he could not let him go anyway. «Do you want to go inside? It's
becoming cooler now, we'd better drink something hot.» he suggested, looking at
him; he wanted madly to smoke.
Levi nodded, mumbling his answer..
The place was exactly as he remembered; the same warm light, same barman, same
smell of cigars and eau de perfume.
It was much less crowded than the other time. Two men were sitting near the bar
and a couple, a man and a woman, were talking in the first table on the left.
In some way, Levi felt relaxed, maybe because of the atmosphere or the warmth
that was wrapping him like he was inside of a bubble, compared to the judging
air of the outside world.
They choose the last table, the one with the sofa that was almost circling it.
Levi jumped on it, while Erwin sat on it after taking off his coat and putting
it in a corner.
«Sorry for the short notice.» said the dark haired, observing Erwin, who was
grabbing his cigarettes from a pocket in the inner part of his dark coat.
He was always so elegant.
«Don’t worry about that, and forgive me if I didn't call you or anything. It's
a busy moment for me.». It was true; he had had to meet the lawyer for the
divorce and he had not been too joyful, given everything that had happened.
«Hi, Erwin.» The friendly voice of the barman reached them just before he
appeared near the little table, a tray and a notepad in his hands.
«Hi, Zoe.» he greeted him, smiling while the latter was looking at the boy.
«What can I bring you?»
«I'd like a whisky with ice... What would you like?»
«Do you have some coffee?» asked the dark haired, looking at the bottles behind
the back of the barman, seeing all those liquors that somebody else would have
wanted to drink in only one night.
«I'm sorry, we don't.» he shook his head, mortified behind his thick glasses.
The more Levi looked at that person, the more he was convinced that he was not
a boy, but a woman. He was a bit disappointed, but he did not show it.
«Then a coke.»
The woman nodded and smiled, blinking to Erwin and going back to the bar.
Levi was sitting with his legs opened, his hands in the pocket of his trousers,
looking at the dark marble table, or at the even darker wrinkles of the sofa
where he was sitting on, and then at the complex hair style of the lady that
was standing by the other side of the wall, behind Erwin's back.
Everything except starting the conversation that made him most uncomfortable,
at least more than what he wanted.
The oldest man sensed the atmosphere of anticipation, also caused by the
silence that seemed everything except natural; he was madly craving a
cigarette, and he did not wait long before grabbing one from his pocket and
lighting it up with rapid movements.
Levi had reached him for a reason and, after all, he could not just make a
hypothesis about it, but on the other hand he was afraid of starting any kind
of conversation because of the mixed feeling he had inside. However, given the
fact that he was older, he decided to wait to speak until the waitress brought
the drinks to the table - to avoid interruptions that would have been annoying
- and he cleared his throat, clasping the glass that had been brought before.
«What did you want to tell me?» he asked, filling his mouth with whisky, just
before blowing the cigarette again and getting comfortable on the sofa.
Levi looked at him, admiring the self confidence of the older man. He seemed to
have the world at his feet, even in that stupid and unimportant gesture.
He found it irritating; irritating and arousing.
«It's quite embarrassing for me to tell you.» he started with a sigh, looking
away from the icy glass of Coke, placed in front of him.
His voice was hushed; the place seemed to require it. There was some sort of
mysterious atmosphere, warm and cozy, that required to use a lower pitch; and,
of course, he was not going to shout his secret out loud, for sure. «Do you
suffer from some kind of STD? Some kind of infection?» he said quickly, looking
at him again, with a hard look in his eyes to hide the fact that, in fact, his
stomach was contracting. «It's not that I do not believe you, but basically we
don't know each other and... The last time you didn't use a condom, so...» he
did not finish the sentence; he just spat the words out, trying his best to
enunciate them.
Erwin kept the smoke inside his mouth for a few seconds, the question still
lingering in his mind; he had thought about that too, he had wanted to ask the
boy about the same thing. He waited just a couple of moments and he blew the
smoke out of his mouth, before answering.
«No, nothing like that. I have a complete check-up regularly, I would know if
that was the case.» he said quickly, putting momentarily the cigarette down in
order to grab the glass full of whisky. «Generally this doesn't happen to me.
I'm sorry, I acted without thinking.» he explained, trying to justify his
behaviour of that night, when a part of his mind had just gone blank, leaving
him with his primitive instincts and his lust. It was his "job", as an adult,
to think about condoms etcetera, or at least that is what he thought.
«Generally?» Levi's lifted eyebrows were wrinkling his forehead. «So you're
used to...»
He bit his tongue before finishing the sentence. What the fuck was he saying?
It was none of his business to know what the man was used to do, nor who he had
fucked twenty years before. If he was not married and he did not have a ring,
Erwin highly doubted that he had been the only one in his life.
He did not know why, but that thought made his stomach turn even more.
He looked away, grabbing the glass of coke and drinking; the liquid was very
cold and it froze his throat when he swallowed it. «Anyway, the only thing that
matters is that you don't have anything. I surely don't.» he said then,
changing the subject and going back again to his question.
«I was used to use precautions, so I never thought too much about it.» Erwin
clarified, smiling bitterly; he almost did not love his ex-wife any more, but
it was not a period that he wanted to renegade - it would have been like to
renegade his children too, and he was not going to do that. «I suppose we
clarified things then, sorry. It was my responsibility.» he concluded, grabbing
the cigarette again and putting it between his lips.
Levi shrugged his shoulders.
«There's no problem; I'm not a woman in the first place, so there are no
risks.» he said ironically with a grin on his lips, looking through the thick
glass.
He was less tense now that he had clarified the situation.
He should have thought that a doctor would be as healthy as a fish, otherwise,
what kind of doctor was he? And now that he was thinking about it, that kind of
raw and hard sex had not been too bad...
«I should have thought about it, though. I don't like to do these things
without asking.». On the other hand, when Nora and he had decided to have
children, they had taken the decision together. The fact that Levi was a male
individual did not change his position: he should not have done it in the first
place, anyway. And also, STDs were not the main point of the situation, because
Erwin knew that it was just the last excuse, something that Levi was thinking
because probably he did not trust him completely.
«Next time, I'll pay attention to it.» he concluded; the cigarette was almost
finished, but he took another whiff, before lighting it off and getting back
again to his whisky.
Levi nodded while drinking, dropping the conversation.
He kept silent, looking at Erwin, who was just finishing his cigarette.
He lifted his eyebrows, while he asked with curiosity:
«Are you sure you're a doctor? You smoke a lot...»
Erwin looked at him, a melancholic feeling in his eyes, while he was drinking a
sip from his glass, tasting it slowly before asking.
«In fact I don't, but this period has been a bit... Like this. I smoke when I'm
thinking too much.» he admitted, implying that he was the kind of person that
smokes because they are nervous and stressed, and not because they need it or
they want to give others an impression of independence. «Without a doubt it's
not healthy, but neither is drinking.»
«It's not an accusation.» Levi explained, putting down his glass, but still
holding it. He was looking straight at him, without filters. «I like your
scent.»
He wanted it to be a reference to the smell of cigarette mixed with his smell,
but he realised too late that he had been too blunt and intimate. He blushed,
feeling the tip of his ears becoming hotter and hotter, his iris becoming
larger. «I didn't mean to-.. I mean, compared to all those people that smoke
and stink like a chimney. I can't smell it, regardless of the fact that you
smoke. That's what I mean...» he rectified, trying not to make Erwin sense his
embarrassment.
Erwin laughed, closing his eyes and putting the glass down, just to hide his
mouth with his hand. He would have coughed, if there had been a real reason,
but he did not, because he was relaxed, because nobody was judging him and he
had not been feeling like that for long, too long.
«Oh, I thought you'd like it. I like your scent too... But I prefer your
taste.» he said with lust in his voice, a malicious smile on his lips, trying
to make Levi feel better: he had noticed his embarrassment and he had felt
heart warmed; it had been so long since he had seen somebody blush..
Levi looked at him, with both a bit of scepticism and discomfort, that made him
look even more younger and sweet. He could have seemed like the face of a boy
having a tantrum, if he had not looked so ill-humoured.
«Is it to be so self-assured part of your personality? » he replied almost in
anger, his lips shaped in a bitter expression; he took a sip from his glass. It
did not really upset him, after all; he was feeling some sort of tingling in
his abdomen, but it was not unpleasant. «Do you say this kind of thing on your
job too, doctor?» he provoked Erwin, putting his glass again on the table.
He did not know what kind of man he was outside that relationship, how he
behaved with his patients, his colleagues, in his job, with the people he
loved.
He wondered if he was different with him.
«Yes, I'm quite self confident.» he admitted without problems, with a smile on
his face, grabbing the glass again. «And I'm self-assured on my job too.» he
added, sipping his whisky.
«But I don't flirt with my patients, if that's what you mean. Did you see the
person I was with the first time we talked?» Erwin tried to remind him, shaking
his head and realising that he probably should not have said that. He was self-
assured, especially because of his abilities and exteriors, but he was not so
much confident on his emotional capacities.
«You'd risk your job, if you did that; at least, this is what I hope.» he said,
superficially and with caution.
He remembered, yes, he remembered the way his slender body had bent over
against the door of his car, Erwin's eyes lingering on the border of his
shorts, that were barely hiding the curve of his bottom; he remembered his
malicious smile, almost like a predator, that had betrayed the fact that he was
not used to this kind of approach.
A smile appeared on his lips, just a little curve in the right corner.
«Yes, I saw it. I admit that I got really nervous.» Levi revealed, looking at
him. «It was not a great move; probably, if it hadn't been for those shorts,
you wouldn't have noticed me.»
If it hadn't been for the dimensions of his car, he wouldn't have noticed Erwin
either; he wouldn't have noticed the man with the strong jaw and the soft stare
in his eyes, capable of looking at people with kindness, of looking at him with
kindness.
He looked away, feeling something trembling under his skin, in his chest.
Erwin laughed, nodding.
«I admit that those shorts made you look even more interesting, despite the
fact that I had noticed you from the first time. I had never found myself in
the situation of liking a man.». Being married had always made him feel
uncomfortable in considering someone else attractive except his wife, anyway.
He was not the type of man that consider people under that point of view if he
was in a romantic relationship and, given the fact that he had been in one
until almost the day before, it was crystal clear that he had never had the
chance to behave like that.
«But when I came back you definitely convinced me.» he added, finishing his
drink.
The boy seemed surprised and he stopped turning the coke in his glass.
«You mean... You never looked somebody else like that?» he asked, feeling
something in his abdomen moving, his blood pumped by his heart by an exhausting
rhythm, caused by the thought of the adjective that he had used - attractive.
Erwin shook his head, before grabbing his pack of cigarette from his pocket; he
seemed to think about that action, and then he put it back again and looked
into Levi's eyes.
«Let's say I was a bit worried about the beginning of our acquaintance, but I
had never thought that there was a problem either.» he explained, shrugging his
shoulders, but keeping the smiling expression on his face. «My best friend has
a boyfriend, so it was not the first time I had to face the entire thing.» he
added, to justify his quick acceptance; in fact, it was thanks to his friend
that he realised their situation was not a usual one, compared to his. Erwin
had never questioned his sexuality: Nora arrived in his life way before he
could really understand what he was looking for, but now, he became aware that
it wouldn't have made any difference if, instead of Nora, there had been a boy
with the same personality.
«I don't believe sex makes the real difference, but let's say I realised it
thanks to you. I never wondered too much about it.»
Erwin understood what he was saying was making a difference, he was actually
making it more real, just like it had felt real when ha had told Mike: Levi was
just an excuse, the object of a desire that he had hidden somewhere inside him
before, given his total acceptance of the fact that he had been hetero and
women had been his only priority - Nora had.
He wanted to ask Levi whether he preferred men, but it seemed too rude; keeping
his attitude distant and the boundaries still defined could have been a way to
show respect to the other, but Erwin knew - or at least he was convinced of it
- that there was something in his subconscious telling him to protect himself
from their relationship, which in his opinion was so messed up that it was
difficult to understand how to approach it. He was trying to maintain his
balance. He had been doing it since the beginning.
Levi was listening to him, feeling the tension growing and his muscle, abdomen
and jaw tensing, just by seeing him smiling at the end of his sentence.
He was surprised to sense his neck and ears becoming warmer, but he was hoping
the soft light would hide the fact that he was embarrassed by the thought of
the words Erwin was saying: he had been the first boy - man - with whom Erwin
had slept with; if Farlan had seen him, he would have laughed out loud, telling
him he was just a virgin.
What should he have thought of the situation? He would have lied, if he had
said the whole thing did not get on him personally.
He bit his tongue, looking away and murmuring:
«I see.». Sometimes he was grateful to his acting abilities which allowed him,
in moments like that, to keep his blank expression. It was not something very
special; Erwin was nobody, he should not have worried about his relationships
or if Erwin had already slept with some other man.
He had been his first.
He tried to forget that thought, shrugging his shoulders and getting more
comfortable on the couch. «Well, you can see it like this: the positive side is
that, liking both sexes, you have much more choice from now on.» he said with a
plain voice, sipping from his coca cola.
Talking about those sexual topics was starting to be too frustrating to be the
appropriate conversation to have. It seemed like everybody else around him was
pleased to talk about sex or sexual orientation or anything else concerning the
word "sex".
«Yes, you could say so.» Erwin agreed, undecided if ordering another drink or
waiting for the other to finish his coke and ask him if he wanted something
else. He decided to wait, before starting to speak again.
«In any case, I don't have many chances to meet people, I'm too busy for my own
choice.» he added, sighing. That was one of the reasons why it seemed like he
had made a wrong decision 20 years before, but he could not imagine hating his
job, given the fact he loved it. «Never choose a job that makes you work more
than 10 hours a day.»
«What do you do, actually?» Levi asked, full of curiosity. He tried to be as
impartial as possible, without showing his real emotions. «Are you one of those
medical doctors that just give prescriptions, or are you a doctor “doctor”? One
of those that work in hospitals or private clinics.»
«I work in a hospital; I'm a cardiovascular surgeon.» he explained, given as
fact that the hospital was public; the place in which they had met was near a
hospital - the only hospital of the area - and it was public. «Even though my
patients can call me any time, if they need me.» he added, trying to give a
reason to his frequent absence and the calls he received from time to time.
«Wow.» Levi said, revealing his surprise. His glass was now completely empty.
He rested his arms on his lap, while he was internalising the information;
knowing more about Erwin did not change Levi's life or the way the fucked,
obviously, but knowing that the man was used to a higher standard of living was
destabilising.
Those hands that caressed his body and grabbed his butt-cheeks, or that touched
his chin to reach his mouth and kiss his lips, or that stroked his head,
messing up his hair; those hands were the same Erwin used precisely and
meticulously to save hundreds of lives.
He looked away; his face turned grey, like the blade of a knife hit by a minute
beam of light. «You are more important than I thought. Is it complicated?»
It was a thoughtless question, but he asked it without thinking. The more he
discovered about Erwin, the more he wanted to find out. About him, about his
job, his everyday life - the one he had far from odd meetings and desires - the
man he had been, before becoming the lover he was between the four walls of an
anonymous room.
«I'm not so important, it's a quite ordinary job.» he joked, far from being
embarrassed about it; he recognised that his job was actually hectic and not
easy at all, but he did not feel more important than other people. «In fact I
just save lives in protected situations. I think that the true challenge is
saving lives in extreme circumstances, where there's no certainty nor
sterilised operating theatres. I don't take almost any risk, personally.» he
added, before noticing that Levi had finished his drink. «Do you want another?»
Levi was so concentrated on listening to the man speaking that he needed to
hear the question twice, blinking, before shaking his head. The man tried to
get the attention of the barman, and then he continued to explain.
«Anyway, it is demanding, without a doubt, but it's something that I love. I
think that even though it is tiring, I feel appreciated every day for my
efforts.». He smiled. The barman arrived and Erwin ordered another whisky.
Levi had rested his arms on the table, his hands, that had been grabbing the
empty glass until a few seconds before, now clutched together in front of him.
His heart was beating slowly and regularly. He felt he could have stayed in
that place for hours, for the whole night, enjoying the music, the smell of
cigarettes and perfume that Erwin emanated, his warm voice that seemed to cheer
up the boy's soul.
He did not realise that he had relaxed more than he would have wanted, letting
himself go with the stream of his thoughts, which usually were held in his
mind.
«Tell me more about your job. I want to know more.» he heard himself saying.
His eyes were now softer, his expression was not tense any more, on the
contrary, it was now full of curiosity.
Erwin noticed it, he sensed that the looks and the behaviour of the boy in
front of him had changed, in some ways. He had become more interested in
Erwin's life. He had opened his heart to show something that was usually hidden
behind the unimpressed mask that the boy used to wear. The man felt the same as
when he had tried to convince Levi to stop calling him "sir"; he saw him just
as the adolescent he was, not a grown man, and this thought made him smile.
«It is quite boring. I'm not able to explain many things.» He said without
putting too much emphasis, while his drink was being placed on the table. The
ice cubes moved slightly into the glass, making a light noise.
«Try anyway. I'm not stupid.»
He had got offended, maybe, but the boy's expression made the man laugh.
«All right, but just if you do the same.» Erwin answered. He then took a sip of
whisky, his eyes still smiling at the boy.
Levi tensed his muscles, arching his back and bending his head.
«I have nothing interesting to say to you.»
«Try anyway. I'm not demanding.» He answered, using the same words that Levi
had said before.
Levi looked at him for a moment, feeling something melting inside him and
warming him up.
Erwin smiled, like everyone would have done in his situation. His smile could
have seemed almost cunning, but it was absolutely innocent - at least from this
point of view.
His eyes were simply asking a question out of curiosity, like the boy had done;
his smile, even though it could have seemed false or sly, was actually trying
to tell the other that he would never have hurt him, or at least not in that
exact moment.
Levi did not trust the man, but slowly, without even noticing it, while they
were talking and confiding each other, he began to feel closer to the person in
front of him. Little steps, moments, stares that they exchanged out of the
blue.
A strange sense of intimacy was growing inside him and it was scary, if he had
really thought about it; but in that context, just the two of them, divided
just by a little table, the whole situation was turning into something real,
that was starting to have a shape and a colour.
They talked, and talked, and talked, until way after midnight, without touching
those topics that they felt were going to be hard to touch, without
investigating too much about their private lives.
They just touched themselves gently with their hands, lips against lips, more
than happy to know what the other wished to say, and not needing to explain
anything more than it was necessary.
They did not have sex, that night.
Erwin gave the boy a lift, as close as possible to his place, and there they
parted.
They did not make any promises, not even a time and place for their next
encounter.
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