Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8696722.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage, Rape/Non-Con
  Fandom:
      Kane_(Band), Supernatural_RPF, Smallville_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jared_Padalecki/Other(s), Jensen_Ackles/Other(s)
  Character:
      Chad_Michael_Murray, Other(s), Jared_Padalecki, Jensen_Ackles, Jeffrey
      Dean_Morgan, Steve_Carlson, Christian_Kane, Sandra_McCoy, Tom_Welling
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Romance, Abuse, Alternate_Universe, Hurt/Comfort
  Collections:
      Sinful_Desire
  Stats:
      Published: 2008-11-16 Completed: 2008-11-25 Chapters: 20/20 Words: 120292
****** A Lesson a Day (could kill you) ******
by Lycaness [archived by sinfuldesire_archivist]
Summary
     Jared has an abusive past, and when his boss sends him to learn how
     to become a flair bartender, that past is brought back in a storm of
     pain when he falls in love with his teacher, Jensen. But Jensen has
     his own problems and soon their attraction causes nothing but
     trouble, especially when Jared tries to face his fears.
     Warnings: This fic contains very disturbing imagery including non-
     con, dub-con, underage sex, sexual abuse, and rape. These topics are
     approached not to trivialize the experiences, but to help show the
     transformation and transcendence of the main character in the face of
     such abuse and adversity.
Notes
     Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally
     archived at Sinful-Desire.org. To preserve the archive, we began
     importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in
     November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted
     announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or
     know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on
     Sinful_Desire_collection_profile.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Part 1
 
Tom came running out of the back office and Jared winced, glancing up at him
apologetically.
 
“Sorry.” Jared avoided Tom’s eyes and reached for the broom that was still
leaning against the bar from when he’d last used it.
 
“Shit, Jay, you’re going to run me out of business at this rate.” Tom sighed
deeply, a sound Jared had been hearing a lot from him recently.
 
“You could always get plastic glasses,” Jared joked weakly as he swept the
broken glass into the pile with the rest of his failures.
 
“Oh yeah, classy.” Jared watched Tom’s face pull into a smile and felt the
tension in his shoulders relax a little.
 
“I’ll get it, I promise,” Jared said picking up another glass.
 
“Oh, no you don’t.” Tom grabbed the glass from Jared’s hand. “I think you’ve
done enough damage for one day.”
Jared looked sheepish and let Tom remove the precious glass from his grip
without argument. “I will get it, Tom. I need this job.”
 
“I know, Jay,” Tom said with sincere kindness. “I want you to keep working
here; the customers love you but…” Tom broke off and looked sadly to the pile
of broken glass heaped in the corner of the bar.
 
“Can’t I just keep serving the beer and leave the others to do all the fancy
stuff?” Jared knew it was a hopeless wish, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get.
 
“Listen, I just got off the phone with Mike, and I think I have the answer to
our prayers.” Tom scooped the broken glass into a dustpan and dumped it in the
bin under the bar as Jared hauled his long limbs onto a stool on the customer
side. His shift was long over and the place was deserted, Tom would be closing
up soon.
 
“Really? That’s great, what did Rosenbaum have to say?” Jared knew he was
grinning like a maniac, but the relief washing over him at the prospect of a
solution prevented any other facial expression.
 
“I’m sending you back to school,” Tom said proudly, grinning at Jared as he
slammed a bottle of beer down in front of him.
 
Jared’s heart stopped, heat rushed into his face as the colour drained out, and
he thought for a second he would pass out. Jared tried to swallow only to find
he couldn’t, and the sweat pooling in his palms wouldn’t stop no matter how
many times he wiped them on his jeans.
 
“Jay?” Jared felt sick, the knots in his stomach tightening painfully. “Jared?”
Jared finally looked up to see that Tom was now waving a hand in front of his
face.
 
“What?” Jared mumbled; he couldn’t think of anything to say.
 
“Is there a problem? You zoned out on me, man.” Concern filled Tom’s voice, so
Jared forced a tight-lipped smile.
 
“No, no problem.” He gripped his beer and downed half the bottle in one go.
“When… um, I mean where…”
 
“The guy runs a studio not far from here,” Tom explained, handing Jared a piece
of paper. “His name’s Ackles, and you’ll be going Mondays, Wednesdays, and
Fridays.” Tom pointed to all the information on the paper Jared held, while
Jared just stared at the foreign object in his hand.
 
“Is that ok?” Tom urged for a reaction from Jared, besides disbelief.
 
“Oh, it’s just… I can’t afford…” Jared stuttered, searching for an excuse not
to go.
 
“Don’t worry about how much it costs. I’m paying for it out of the business
money; I’m training my staff. I wouldn’t expect you to fork out for it
yourself. What kinda boss do you take me for?” Tom winked at him and watched as
Jared gulped the rest of his beer down thirstily. “You want another one?” Tom
started to reach for another bottle, but Jared held up his hands.
 
“No thanks, Tom. I think I’m gonna head off.” Jared rose slightly unsteadily
from his stool.
 
“Good call man, don’t wanna hangover for your first day in class.”
 
“Tomorrow?” Jared looked again at the piece of paper and sure enough there it
was: 10am Wednesday.
 
Tom smiled endearingly and patted him on the back. “Go home, Jay, I’ll see you
tomorrow for your shift.”
Jared didn’t argue. He grabbed his jacket and left Tom’s Bar. Normally, on his
way home he was happy with a spring in his step; he’d built himself a good life
here in Seattle, but today he was filled with a dread that he was going to lose
it all.
 
He’d known that Tom had wanted to run a cocktail bar for forever; that was why
he had bought the bar in Pioneer Square in the first place. It was situated
perfectly, and was a great size. Sure the previous owners had run it into the
ground, and it had a bad reputation for trouble, but Tom had done wonders with
it. Tom was a formidable presence, almost as tall as Jared; he’d cleaned the
place up, got rid of the trouble makers, and now had a respectable, profitable
business going.
 
Now that Tom had saved enough money to make the change to a classy cocktail
bar, nothing was going to stand in his way; especially not a bartender who
could catch the flu easier than a glass. Jared knew that Tom liked him, and he
liked Tom too, he was a great boss and a better friend. Tom had really helped
him out when Jared had first come to town as a lost, frightened teenager. He’d
been barely eighteen when Tom had taken him in, given him a job bussing tables
and helped him get his apartment, and due to his height, as long as he stayed
away from the alcohol, no one ever questioned his age.
 
Now, four years later, Jared had worked his way up to serving the bar, he
mostly kept to himself and worked hard; Jared owed Tom a lot and hated to think
of letting him down. But Jared didn’t have long to get the hang of spinning
bottles and shaking cocktails, and he didn’t know if he was cut out for it.
Sure, he could pour a mean pint and got along with all the regulars; his tips
proved he was one of the most popular bartenders there, even more popular than
Tom, but if he couldn’t cut the change, Tom would be forced to cut him.
 
He was willing to work hard, but now Tom wanted to send him to school! Just the
thought of it made Jared’s muscles seize up so tight it hurt. Tom knew how to
do all that stuff, why couldn’t he just teach Jared himself? Why did he have to
go to a class to learn it all? In reality Jared knew that Tom was far too busy
to teach him enough of what he needed to know, but that didn’t help the fear
that crept into his nerves or the memories that bombarded his brain.
 
Without realising it, Jared changed direction, and in less than ten minutes was
thumping so desperately on the peeling red door that he was surprised he didn’t
punch through it.
 
“Alright, alright. I’m coming already,” a frustrated female voice answered from
within. Jared practically fell into Sandy’s arms when she pulled open the door,
and they sank to the floor. “Jesus, Jay.”
 
Sandy didn’t say anything more, she just held Jared, shushing him until his
shaking subsided. Resting his head against her shoulder, she brushed his long
bangs from his eyes and rocked him gently.
 
When it appeared that Jared was calmer, Sandy helped him to his feet and gently
led him to her sofa, where he sank into the cushions and held his head in his
hands. Sandy quietly closed the door and went to sit beside Jared. She didn’t
say a word; she just waited, and Jared loved her for it. She always knew what
to do, what to say, because she understood, she knew.
 
“He’s sending me back to school,” Jared said shakily after a few minutes, he
raised his eyes to meet her deep brown ones.
 
“Who is?” Sandy asked softly.
 
“Tom. He’s sick of me smashing all his glasses and is sending me somewhere to
learn how to do it properly. There’s going to be a building with a classroom,
with students and tables, probably a chalk board, and a teacher,” Jared said in
a rush, the panic in his voice rising with the volume.
 
“Breathe Jay, just breathe.” Sandy rubbed his back soothingly, and Jared
followed her lead and took a few deep breaths to stop himself from
hyperventilating.
“What am I going to do, Sand?” Jared wiped at his moist eyes, not wanting to
cry over this.
 
“It’s okay; it’ll be alright.” Sandy took Jared in her arms, and he leaned into
her touch. “You’re not that boy anymore, Jay. You can do this. It’s going to be
what, a room full of a bunch of guys throwing bottles around? And the teacher’s
probably some old guy who’s just a Tom Cruise wannabe, doing it to attract
chicks.” Sandy smiled when Jared huffed out a laugh.
 
“You’re right. Thank you.”
 
“It’s what I’m here for.” Sandy grinned widely.
 
“My saviour,” Jared laughed.
 
“And don’t you forget it.”
Jared pulled Sandy into his arms and held her tight, sleep pulling on his eye
lids as they settled onto the sofa.
 
“I kinda love you, you know that?” Jared whispered into her hair.
 
“I know, Jay, I love you too.”
Jared allowed his eyes to close and sleep to take over.
 
***
 
Despite Sandy’s words of comfort, Jared didn’t sleep well that night. His
dreams were filled with jostling bodies and laughing faces as he was slammed
against lockers and left bloody in the bathroom stall. He’d stagger into his
classroom to fall into the comforting arms of an older man, to be shushed with
a gentle hand stroking through his hair, soft lips laying kisses over his face
as he allowed himself to sink into the safety of the touch, the shake of his
body no longer caused by fear.
 
Then, as always, the dream filled with pain, his heart wracked with shame and
his ears filled with screams. He flung his long limbs around wildly as he awoke
with a start, falling from Sandy’s sofa as she ran into the room and coaxed him
awake before risking getting close enough to wrap her arms around him.
 
She just let him cry into her chest then, not needing to ask what the dream was
about, not forcing him to put it into words again. She knew, and she hated that
she couldn’t make it better for him.
 
“Come with me,” she said so quietly Jared only just heard it over his sobs. But
he let himself be led into Sandy’s bedroom and pulled down onto her bed. Sandy
pulled her covers over him and spooned her tiny body up behind him.
Jared knew she would stay awake until he was sleeping again, she always did.
 
“I’m sorry,” he told her, his voice cracked. Sandy held him closer and kissed
his neck.
 
“I’ve got you, it’s okay,” she promised him. “Never be sorry, Jay, never. It’s
not your fault.”
 
Sandy’s hand ran softly up and down his arm, and Jared allowed the constant
movement to lull him back to sleep, this time thankfully dreamless.
 
***
 
Tom had said it was a studio, but this was no studio. The building was huge; it
probably had tons of rooms, just like a real school and the thought made Jared
shiver. He’d been pacing outside the entrance for ten minutes and still hadn’t
plucked up the courage to actually step inside.
 
Oh God! I can’t do this! Jared’s chest tightened, and when his head began to
spin, he let himself slide down the wall to sit on the cold ground. With shaky
hands, Jared held his head and tried to calm his breathing. Get it together
Padalecki.
 
“Fuck!” Jared threw his head back to hit the wall behind him.
 
“Are you okay?” Jared’s gaze snapped up only to lock with the most startling
green eyes he’d ever seen.
 
“W-what?” he stammered, his gaze dropped to a pair of plump moist lips, and
Jared had to swallow the lump in his throat just to keep focus.
 
“I said are you okay? You don’t look so good,” those lips said, and suddenly
Jared remembered why he was there.
 
“Oh, yeah. Just had a dizzy spell is all. I’m fine now.” The man before him
stood up, and Jared only then realised that the guy had been crouching next to
him.
 
“Are you going in?” The man stuck his hand out to Jared, and before he knew it
Jared was slipping his long fingers into the warm, strong grasp and allowing
himself to be pulled to his feet. They stood close for a moment, and Jared
found himself short of breath when the man’s lips pulled into a smile. Jared
felt immediately warmed by it and smiled back. Then the man’s hand fell from
Jared’s, where Jared was sure it had lingered a moment longer than necessary,
and Jared quickly stepped backwards feeling himself blush slightly and
wondering if he’d been caught staring. He towered over the shorter man and
waited for the obligatory comment that he was a giant.
 
“Oh, yeah, just need a minute,” he said when the expected comment didn’t come.
 
“Okay, well see ya around.” The man paused for a moment before going through
the glass front door, and Jared found himself watching that man go with a pang
of regret.
Without the welcome distraction, Jared’s thoughts came back to why he was here
and the cold hand of dread grasped his heart again. What was he even doing
there anyway? Oh that’s right, he had to learn this stuff or Tom would be
forced to fire him, and he’d be out of a job; and with no education, he’d be
out on the street before too long after that.
 
Taking a deep breath, Jared pushed open the doors and forced himself to walk
down the corridor. The place was deserted, his footsteps echoed on the ground,
and he had flash backs of walking through the halls at high school after
staying late, the eerie silence deafening and him trying not to rush when all
he wanted to do was run home, curl himself up on his bed, and cry himself to
sleep.
 
You’re not that boy anymore, Jay! Sandy’s voice jumped into his head. She was
right, as always; he was a grown man in charge of his own life, and he could do
this. Jared swallowed his fears and pulled out the piece of paper Tom had given
him to find the room number he was supposed to go to. The room was only four
doors down and had been left open. Jared turned into the room to see a small
group of men and women, mostly his age, some maybe a little younger, with one
or two older guys.
 
“Hey, if I’d known you were coming in here I would’ve waited for you.” Jared
was confronted with those green eyes smiling up at him.
 
“That’s okay; I needed a moment to myself anyway.” Jared smiled back, relieved
to see a friendly face, even if he had only met it minutes before.
 
“Nervous huh?” the man with green eyes asked not unkindly, and Jared nodded
offering a shy smile. “Don’t worry,” the man continued, “everyone here’s real
nice.”
 
Jared looked around the room to see the people were all smiling and laughing, a
couple of them throwing bottles in the air to catch them behind their backs;
applause from their classmates their reward.
 
“I’m Jensen by the way,” the green-eyed man said as he stuck his hand out, and
Jared shook it without hesitation, his mind remembering the softness of
Jensen’s hand and longing to feel it again.
 
“Jared,” he informed him. Jared couldn’t help the wide smile he felt on his
lips; maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.
 
“So, what brings you here? Trying to pick up chicks?” Jensen said with a grin,
and Jared chuckled.
 
“No, my boss needs me to learn this stuff; he’s changing the place into a
cocktail bar, and if I wanna keep my job…” Jared left the sentence unfinished,
not feeling the need to elaborate.
 
“Ah, a reluctant participant,” Jensen nodded understandingly.
 
“Yeah, it’s weird really. I don’t even like cocktails; gimme a beer any day,
then maybe a few straight shots once I’m too far gone to care.” The words
spilled out so easily, and Jared felt himself relaxing.
 
“Betcha always regret it the next day too.” They shared a knowing laugh.
 
“You know it,” Jared grinned.
 
“Which bar do you work in?” Jensen asked.
 
“Tom’s, it’s not far from here,” Jared told him, and Jensen nodded.
 
“That’s a nice place.”
 
They stood in a comfortable silence for a moment before
Jared looked at his watch. “Do you think we’ll be starting soon?” he
questioned.
 
Jensen grabbed Jared’s wrist and looked at the time, wincing. “Guess we should
get started, shouldn’t we?”
 
He smiled at Jared before walking to the front of the room, and Jared felt his
smile drop from his face and his heart beat faster.
 
“Hi, everyone. If you wanna go to your usual tables we’ll get started,” Jensen
said. “Jared, you can take that one right in front of you.” Jensen turned his
attention to the room and continued talking but Jared didn’t hear a word of it.
 
Jensen’s the teacher? His brain struggled to grasp this information, but his
legs worked of their own accord, and he found himself standing at a table with
a thick plastic bottle, plastic glass, and a cocktail shaker. Jared picked up
the bottle; it was just like the real thing, same weight and feel to it. Jared
tried to pay attention to what was going on. Jensen was at the front of the
room doing all sorts of tricks and making it look easy. Everyone else in the
room was copying him with relative ease, and Jared felt like such an amateur as
his bottle tumbled to the floor, clattering way too loudly.
 
The class continued pretty much like that, and Jared focused on trying to get
it right, but eventually when the glass he was using fell to the floor and
rolled away for what felt like the hundredth time, he didn’t go after it.
 
“Damn it,” he hissed, angry at himself. He was trying, he really was, but he
just couldn’t get it right. It was like he had no eye-to-hand coordination at
all, and his fingers were covered in oil.
 
“I think you dropped this,” Jensen said as he handed Jared his glass.
 
“Sorry.” Jared took the glass and sighed heavily, “I’m never going to get
this.”
 
“Sure you will, you just need to practice. Look…”
 
Jensen stepped behind Jared and slipped his arm under Jared’s taking the glass
back from his hand. Jared’s breath hitched when Jensen’s body pressed against
him.
 
“You’re throwing it too high, just flick your wrist and only make it spin
once,” Jensen said, quietly demonstrating by doing just that; the glass turned
once in the air, Jensen straightened his fingers, and the glass landed
comfortably on them.
 
“Easy as that, huh?” Jared gulped, trying not to shiver at Jensen’s hot breath
on his neck.
 
“Easy as that,” Jensen murmured. Quickly he flipped the glass into the air
again and caught it with a solid grip. Then he pulled away from Jared and
handed him the glass again. Jared had to blink and wonder if he’d just imagined
what had happened. “Try again.”
 
Jared cleared his throat and concentrated on the glass. He tossed it in the
air, straightened his fingers, and the glass bounced off his index nail and
fell to the floor. Jensen retrieved the glass and passed it back to Jared.
 
“Keep trying,” he smiled before walking to help someone else.
 
Jared watched and couldn’t help noticing that Jensen didn’t get as close to the
others as he had to him, the thought made a warmth spread through his belly,
and he found himself smiling slightly.
 
Jared was so focused on trying to catch the glass that he didn’t notice that
the hour-long class had ended and everyone else had started leaving, until
Jensen was standing in front of him, just watching. This time Jared didn’t drop
the glass; he didn’t exactly catch it properly either; it sort of bounced off
his hand, slipped through his other hand when he tried to catch it, and he
grabbed it just before it hit the floor.
 
“Well, at least I caught it,” Jared sighed, smiling weakly at Jensen.
 
“Don’t worry; hardly anyone gets it straight away,” Jensen said reassuringly.
 
“Did you?” Jared asked, curious.
 
“Um, actually I was always kind of a natural.” Jensen blushed and actually
managed to sound like he felt guilty about it. “It just seemed like I was made
for it, you know?”
 
“I wish,” Jared said as he tried the glass again, and when it yet again tumbled
to the floor, he threw his arms in the air in defeat. “I give up. This is
impossible.”
 
“Hey, don’t give up, you’ll get it, I promise,” Jensen said putting his hand on
Jared’s arm to stop him before he started pacing. “I’ve never failed to teach
anyone yet.”
 
“Yeah well, there’s always a first,” Jared grumbled.
 
“I’ll never be able to do it like you do. I could be the one to ruin your whole
reputation.”
 
“When you’re actually doing it at a bar it’s completely different from in the
classroom. You’ve got the music, the actual alcohol; people cheering you on.
It’s a completely different atmosphere.” Jensen looked a little dreamy as he
pictured it in his head, and Jared figured he really loved his work. “Why don’t
you come to the Lithe tonight? I’m going to be working there; you could see the
real thing up close and personal.”
 
“Oh, um. I can’t. I’m working tonight,” Jared lied, suddenly flustered. Was
Jensen asking him out or was it just purely educational? Why had Jared felt the
need to lie when he’d be finished work in plenty of time? He honestly didn’t
know, maybe it was just because he liked Jensen, and he didn’t know how to
respond to it.
 
“Oh, okay. Well, if you get off early?” Jensen shrugged, but his eyes flashed
with disappointment.
 
“I’d better go,” Jared said slightly reluctantly, but he had to get out of
there, he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He threw a wave over his
shoulder, very conscious of the beautiful green eyes watching him leave.
 
***
 
It was a couple of hours later when Sandy walked into Tom’s for lunch that
Jared saw her scanning the bar for him. He sneaked up behind her from where
he’d been wiping down a table and grabbed her tiny form around the waist. Sandy
squealed and struggled to free herself from his long-armed grip, but Jared just
hauled her effortlessly off the ground and spun her round a few times.
 
“Let go of me you big dope,” Sandy said slapping his arm, but she couldn’t help
but laugh. Jared set her on the ground carefully, steadying her as she wobbled
slightly, dizzy from spinning. “So, how’d it go?” Sandy asked as Jared kissed
her on her cheek.
 
“It went okay,” Jared said, his forehead creased as he thought about the events
of the day.
 
He moved behind the bar and poured Sandy her usual lunchtime diet coke.
 
“Okay?” Sandy asked, practically bouncing onto her stool.
 
“Yeah, okay,” Jared confirmed. “Well I didn’t break anything, but that could
have something to do with the fact everything was made out of plastic.”
 
“So you’re getting the hang of it then?” she probed.
 
“I didn’t catch a thing,” Jared said leaning across the bar, but laughed good
humouredly about his failure.
 
“So the teacher’s not all that good, huh?” Sandy asked carefully.
 
“Jensen’s great,” Jared blurted a little too quickly, and Sandy got a knowing
look.
 
“Jensen?” she asked quirking her eyebrow up.
 
“Yeah, he’s the teacher.” Jared knew he was blushing, and he noticed Sandy’s
shoulders slump.
 
“Oh, Jay,” she said softly.
 
“It’s not like that,” Jared protested. “I mean, he’s nice and all. He’s
patient, explains things well, and isn’t at all an old Tom Cruise wannabe.”
Jared imagined Jensen’s eyes smiling at him and the feel of him so close; he
tried not to look dreamy.
 
“Is he hot?” Sandy watched him carefully, and Jared felt his face burn under
the scrutiny. When he met her eyes, he nodded shyly and couldn’t help a little
smile.
 
“Jay…” she said softly, and Jared’s smile faded: he knew Sandy could see right
through him; sometimes he swore she could read his mind.
 
“I know,” he said seriously. “I was just… I dunno. He’s just really nice, Sand,
he’s not that much older than me, and we… well we got along really well.”
 
“Are you sure? I don’t want to see you get hurt, Jay,” Sandy grabbed Jared’s
hand and squeezed it affectionately.
 
“You’re right; I’m being stupid. He probably doesn’t like me in that way,
anyway.” Jared felt a coldness wash over him as he forced himself to view
reality. “God, I’m such an idiot, why do I do this? What’s the matter with me?”
 
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with you; I didn’t mean it like that at all. All
I’m saying is be careful,” Sandy said and gave him a lopsided grin. “You know
I’ll back you, whatever you decide. And I’ll be here to watch your back, okay?”
 
“He asked if I wanted to go watch him work tonight,” Jared blushed.
 
“Already? Maybe he does like you after all,” Sandy said, sitting up a little
straighter and gnawing on her lip thoughtfully, a sly smile sneaking across her
face.
 
“I told him no; said I had to work.” Jared shrugged.
 
“Told who?” Tom came out from the back and winked at Sandy in greeting.
 
“No one. Nothing.” Jared busied himself with rearranging the glasses under the
bar, but he could feel Tom’s eyes boring into his back. “I just got invited out
tonight is all.”
 
“By the guy that runs the class you sent him to,” Sandy filled in helpfully,
and Jared glared at her. Sandy looked down sheepishly, but Jared shouldn’t have
been surprised, she and Tom told each other everything. When Sandy had first
followed Jared from San Antonio out to Seattle three years ago, a year after
she and Jared had said goodbye, she and Tom had dated for a while. It hadn’t
worked out because they found they were more like brother and sister than
lovers, but since, then they’d formed such a strong bond that they were often
mistaken as a couple. They finished each others’ sentences, always new what the
other was thinking; and spent so much time together that even Jared wondered if
they didn’t hook up now and again.
 
Jared didn’t know why he bothered hiding anything from Tom in the first place.
But he knew there was one thing Sandy would never tell Tom, the one thing he’d
trusted only to her, and Jared knew that secret was safer than Fort Knox.
 
“He invited you to do what?” Tom’s interest was peaked, and Jared groaned
inwardly. Tom seemed to have this little obsession with trying to set Jared up
with guys, convinced he would be the one to find Jared’s true love. Jared knew
Tom was really just trying to get him laid, seeing as Tom had never actually
seen him in a relationship since he’d known him.
 
“To go watch him work,” Sandy continued to fill Tom in, which was thankful
because Jared was far too embarrassed right now to form words.
 
“And you said no? Are you mad?” Tom gawked at him.
 
“Why would I want to go?” Jared asked.
 
“You get the chance to get extra lessons for free, in a bar no less, see the
experts at work, and you turn it down?” Tom rolled his eyes. “Well, you’re
going, my friend, even if I have to drag you there myself.”
 
“Tom…” Jared began.
 
“No arguments; you need to learn this stuff, Jay; I need you to learn it. So
please, for me, go learn, okay?” Tom tried to put on the puppy eyes, but there
was a sternness behind them that was unmistakable; Jared was going, no
questions asked.
 
“Okay, fine. I’ll go. But only for a little while,” Jared gave in with a sigh.
Tom nodded happily and went to serve someone else. Jared looked at Sandy, who
was raising her eyebrows at him. “I don’t know what you’re looking at, you’re
coming with me!”
 
“As long as you’re paying and there are going to be cocktails, I’m there.”
Sandy bounced slightly, and Jared couldn’t help but grin at her. He knew she
was only going to check Jensen out, size him up, but Jared was so grateful for
the support that he wasn’t about to question her motives.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Part 2
 
It was almost nine when Sandy pulled Jared into the Lithe Bar; the night was
already in full swing, and they had to squeeze their way through the crowds.
There was a band up on stage, but Jared wasn’t given the chance to stop and
listen to them because Sandy was leading him toward the bar, flicking back her
perfectly styled, long, dark hair. They were almost there when Sandy stopped
dead.
 
“Is that him?” She pulled Jared down closer to her so he could hear her over
the din. Jared looked to where she was pointing, and all the breath went from
his lungs when he spied Jensen. He was behind the bar, dressed in a tight black
t-shirt that complimented his toned body, his strong arms protruding from the
sleeves making Jared recall how they felt up close. Jensen obviously worked
out, but wasn’t overly muscular. His dark blue jeans hugged his hips perfectly,
showing off his toned ass. Jensen was making someone a drink, tossing the
bottles in the air and catching them effortlessly; there was a smile on his
face when he handed the woman her drink and moved on to the next customer.
 
Sandy elbowed Jared in the ribs bringing him back to the real world.
 
“I take it that is him then,” Sandy smirked when all Jared could do was nod.
“Wow, you weren’t kidding, he’s hotter than my mom’s chilli.”
 
Jared laughed openly, remembering how Sandy’s mom used to take great pleasure
in burning the taste buds from their tongues when they were kids; luckily she
hadn’t forced the chilli on them too often because they seriously could’ve
caught fire from it.
 
“Come on, I so need a drink,” Sandy said, dragging Jared up to the bar. They
found a space at the end with a couple of stools and seated themselves to wait.
 
There was a crowd around the bar cheering on Jensen and another bartender as
they showed off their skills. Jared watched while listening to Sandy chat
excitedly about how she couldn’t wait for Jared to learn all that.
 
Jensen turned and paused, and his eyes locked with Jared’s. Jared threw him a
little wave and felt his cheeks flush when Jensen’s grin widened. Jensen looked
slightly quizzical for a moment when his gaze fell on Sandy, but then he was
grabbing a glass, throwing it high in the air, and catching it behind his back
before putting it on the counter. The crowd cheered and clapped as Jensen spun
a bottle in his hand, stopping it to pour some of its contents into a shaker.
He then grabbed another bottle, tossing it in the air and catching it with the
nozzle in the shaker, adding more liquid to the concoction. Next he was
catching cubes of ice; fastening the lid and spinning, throwing, and shaking
the ingredients together. Jensen retrieved the glass and put it down in front
of Sandy who gushed at him as he poured the cocktail into it and dropped in a
straw. Then he cracked open a bottle of beer and placed it before Jared.
 
“Glad you could make it,” Jensen said so softly Jared almost didn’t catch it;
they stared at each other a moment, eyes locked together, and Jared’s heart
started to beat louder than the music. Then Jensen was gone, serving another
customer, and as Jared gulped half his drink, he realised hadn’t paid for or
even ordered it, but he felt flattered that Jensen had remembered Jared saying
that he didn’t like cocktails and preferred a nice beer instead. Sandy shivered
as she sipped her drink and made a ‘God that’s good’ face before drinking more,
greedily.
 
“Jay.” Sandy leaned over to speak in Jared’s ear, her eyes not leaving Jensen
for a moment. “If you don’t want that hunk of a man, I’ll definitely take him
off your hands.”
 
“The cocktail’s that good huh?” Jared laughed, and Sandy looked embarrassed
that she’d forgotten herself for a moment.
 
“Sorry,” she said sheepishly.
 
“Don’t worry about it.” Jared let his gaze fall on Jensen again as he watched
him work, when he felt a finger poke him in the ribs he offered Sandy a
slightly sad smile.
 
“He seems nice,” Sandy said.
 
“Yeah, he is,” Jared nodded, turning his attention to his beer.
 
Sandy looked from Jared’s increasingly depressed face to Jensen and back again.
She knew what Jared was thinking and hated that he lived in the past so much.
Maybe it was time to move on. It had been a long time since Jared had shown any
interest in another guy and maybe this would be a mistake, but maybe it
wouldn’t. Sandy sighed.
 
“Listen, Jay. That was all a long time ago, and it doesn’t define who you are
or the path your life is going to take. This…” she waved her hand around their
surroundings, “is completely different, and you can’t let what happened stop
you from being happy or at least trying to be.”
 
Jared looked at her for a moment; Sandy’s words always made sense to him, and
he often wondered what he’d do without her.
 
“Does this mean I have your approval?” Jared raised his eyebrows, and Sandy
rolled her eyes at him. He swept a long arm around Sandy’s shoulders, pulling
her tight against him and kissing her on the head. Sandy hugged him back before
squirming out of his grip. Jared grinned at her, and she rolled her eyes going
back to her drink.
 
“You have got to learn to make these, they’re delicious,” Sandy told him
draining her glass dry.
 
“Yeah, one day.” Jared took down the last of his beer and almost jumped out of
his skin when Jensen appeared in front of him.
 
“Don’t worry; I’ll make sure it’s the first one you learn,” Jensen said winking
at Sandy as he replaced their empties with another round of drinks.
 
“Yay!,” Sandy said, beaming. Then she cocked her head to the side and listened.
“This song’s amazing.” Sandy jumped off her seat, took a quick sip of her new
drink, and started pulling on Jared’s arm. “Dance with me.”
 
“What? No.” Jared looked embarrassed, seeing Jensen’s amused grin.
 
“Oh come on, you can’t leave me to dance by myself, what if I get accosted by
some guy?” Sandy pouted, batting her dark eyelashes.
 
“I’m sure you wouldn’t mind; anyway, someone has to look after our drinks,”
Jared insisted.
 
“No problem, go dance with your girl,” Jensen said with a small smile and Jared
thought he saw a hint of hurt in his eyes. Jensen took their drinks and put
them under the bar. Not feeling like he had a choice, Jared followed Sandy out
onto the dance floor. She made a point to get as close to the band as possible.
 
Jared found he liked the music, kind of a new-style country, and the singers
were undoubtedly amazing. Jared danced with Sandy for a few songs watching her
being admired by a lot of guys. Eventually, the music changed to a slow song,
and Jared went to leave the dance floor to return to his drink.
 
“Jay!” Jared turned immediately at Sandy’s sharp call to find her with a
blonde-haired man putting his arms around her waist. Sandy struggled to free
herself from the man’s grip, but he was obviously stronger than her, and Jared
could hear him whispering come-ons to her.
 
“Come on sweet thing, you’ve been eyeing me all night,” the blonde guy drooled
in her ear.
 
“Look I’m not interested, okay?” Sandy continued to struggle against his strong
grip, which just seemed to piss the guy off. He grabbed her wrist and glared in
her face.
 
“She said she wasn’t interested,” Jared said pulling himself to his full height
as he took the guy’s hand off Sandy’s wrist and put himself between them. His
heart pulsed in his ears, but he tried to ignore it.
 
“Who are you? Her boyfriend?” the guy asked ripping his hand out of Jared’s
grip.
 
“And what if I am?” Jared made his eyes burn into the shorter man’s until he
looked away intimidated.
 
“Fucking tease,” the man snarled before spitting at Sandy, and Jared heard her
shriek at the assault, but she lunged past Jared to try and get to the guy
before Jared could stop her. The guy lifted his arms in defence, and Sandy was
sent flying backwards. Something in Jared snapped, and before he realised what
was happening the guy was lying on the floor with a bloody nose.
 
“Hey, Jeff, get that guy outta here,” came a shout from the stage, and within
seconds one of the bouncers was pushing his way onto the dance floor and
grabbing Jared by the arm. “No, not him; the other guy.”
 
Jared looked up to the stage to see one of the singers pointing to the blonde
guy on the ground. Jeff looked down, and when he saw who was there his slightly
stubbled jaw clenched.
 
“Not you again, Murray, I’m getting sick of kicking your ass outta here,” Jeff
growled, hauled Murray to his feet and escorted him off the premises. The
singer looked down at Jared and smiled approvingly. Jared nodded to him
thankfully before shakily turning to check on Sandy, who had picked herself up
and was now on her feet and glaring at the blonde guy as Jeff shoved him out
the front door.
 
“Are you okay?” Jared asked pulling her into his arms, more for his own comfort
that any form of protection.
 
“What a creep,” Sandy said angrily, and then she looked up at him in concern.
“Are you okay?” Sandy knew that Jared didn’t take too well to violence and
hugged him tighter, pride blossoming in her chest that he’d stood up for her.
 
“Yeah, sure I am.” He forced a smile. “Do you wanna go?” Jared asked softly,
still trying to hide the shake in his voice.
 
“What? Hell no, I want another one of those cocktails.” She flashed Jared a big
smile, and Jared knew she was fine. His Sandy was a tough girl.
 
“I think that can be arranged.” As Jared slipped his arm over her shoulder and
led her from the dance floor, he noticed Jensen watching them, and when they
got back to the bar, Jensen already had their drinks back in place for them,
and they practically downed them in one go.
 
“Well, that was a little more excitement than I expected on a Wednesday night,”
Sandy said and smiled gratefully at Jensen when her newly emptied glass was
immediately refilled.
 
“I dunno, I invite you to my work, and you’re getting into fights already.”
Jensen’s voice sounded serious, but when Jared looked at him, he saw mischief
sparkling in Jensen’s eyes.
 
“Yeah well, what can I say, I’m a trouble maker.” They all laughed. “I’m just
grateful the singer stopped me from getting kicked out.”
 
“You’re welcome,” a voice said from behind Jared. Jensen reached between Jared
and Sandy to pass two bottles of beer into the waiting hands of the two
singers. “That guy was a jerk, and you were just standing up for your beautiful
girlfriend.”
 
Sandy almost sprayed a mouthful of cocktail all over the singers, and they
looked at her in alarm.
 
“I admit that Jay here is my night in shining armour, but, alas, I’m not his
type,” Sandy spluttered, accepting the paper napkin Jensen handed her to wipe
her mouth. Jared noticed that Jensen looked at her differently then,
friendlier, with a little smile pulling at the sides of his mouth.
 
“Hey, thanks for that, man, it was very cool of you.” Jared held his hand out
to the singer who had saved his butt. “I’m Jared, and this is my best friend,
Sandy.”
 
“Chris,” the singer said as he shook Jared’s hand. “This is Steve.”
 
Steve put his hand out to shake Jared’s and then Sandy’s, nodding at them both.
 
“How long’s your break?” Jensen asked.
 
“Only a few minutes, um Jen, you’ve got a customer.” Steve pointed to the bar
and Jensen went off to serve again.
 
“He hates it when we have a break ‘cause all the people on the dance floor
decide now’s the best time for a drink,” Chris told them, and Jared turned to
watch Jensen in action again. Jared could hear Sandy talking to Chris and
Steve, but he couldn’t take his attention away from Jensen, and before he knew
it, the band was back on stage playing again.
 
As the night went on, Jensen continued to keep their drinks filled up, they
never paid for any nor did they have to wait to order. Jared watched Jensen,
trying to figure out how he did each trick. He talked Sandy’s ear off about how
he wished he could figure it out himself, pointing out all the moves he found
really impressive.
 
“Hey, Jared, come here a minute,” Jensen called from behind the bar.
 
“What?” Jared looked at Sandy for confirmation that he’d heard right.
 
Jensen came over, took Jared’s hand firmly and pulled him closer over the bar.
“Your turn,” he murmured in Jared’s ear before guiding him around to join him.
 
“Oh, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Jared said reluctantly, but Jensen
kept tugging on him.
 
“Come on, it’s quiet now that the band’s back on, and you’ve been watching all
night, it’s about time you tried it out for yourself,” Jensen insisted.
 
“But I’ve been drinking! I smash glasses on a good day; you really don’t want
me near one when I’m inebriated,” Jared argued.
 
“Best time to do it You’re concentrating less, you don’t care as much about
making a fool of yourself, and I’m here to help you, all the way, okay?” Jensen
handed Jared a bottle and cocked his head to one side waiting for Jared to take
it. “Come on, you can make Sandy her next drink.”
 
“Ooh, yes please.” Sandy perked up at the sound of that.
 
“You know, I’ll probably get you fired or something.” Jared really wasn’t sure
about this.
 
“You won’t get me fired. I promise.” Jensen took a step toward Jared and placed
the bottle in his hand. “I’m right here. I’ll guide you through it, step by
step, okay?”
 
Jared swallowed as he nodded, but his eyes were on Jensen’s hand where it was
still touching his, and then maybe it wasn’t his inebriated state that he
feared would make him mess up.
 
Jensen moved behind Jared, just like he had earlier that day in class, held out
his hand, and changed Jared’s grip on the bottle, all the time speaking into
his ear, giving him instructions.
 
“You have to relax, Jay, I’ve got you.” Jensen pressed closer to Jared’s back
and slid his hand down Jared’s arm away from the bottle. Jared shivered
slightly.
 
“I’m not sure relaxing is something I’m capable of right now.” Jared tried to
concentrate on the bottle in his hand and not the hardening in his pants.
 
Jensen continued to talk to him, and when he said ‘go,’ Jared tried to do as
he’d been instructed. Jared flicked the bottle, and for a split second it spun
on his hand before dropping off the end of his fingers as he watched in horror
as it fell to the floor. Then Jensen’s hand was there, catching the falling
bottle and saving Jared from a heart attack.
 
“See, I’m just gonna to end up breaking everything.” Jared went to walk away,
but Jensen pulled him back against him, his hands firmly on Jared’s biceps.
 
“I told you I had you; trust me; I’m not going to let you break anything.”
Jensen forced the bottle back into Jared’s hand and moved around to look him in
the eye. “Don’t think about the damage you could do; don’t think about how you
might drop it. Just know, if you drop it, I’ll catch it, okay?”
 
Jared gazed into Jensen’s eyes; they glimmered under the lights of the bar, and
Jared had to bite his lip to stop himself from leaning towards those eyes.
“Okay,” he managed.
 
Jensen’s lips stretched into a smile, and he moved back behind Jared. “Now come
on, our lady is getting thirsty.”
 
Jared looked to where Sandy was sitting transfixed, watching them with eyes
wide and a small smile on her lips. When she saw Jared looking, she raised her
glass pointing to the fact that it was empty.
 
Jared tried to do as Jensen directed, but the closeness of Jensen’s body
against his was very distracting. They fell into fits of laughter as Jensen
caught the bottle for him and put it in the right place over the shaker so
Jared could load it full of alcohol. He tried to be discrete about it, which
just made Jared laugh all the harder. Jensen threw him the ice cubes, and when
Jared actually managed to catch them in the shaker Sandy chimed in with cheers
and applause. Jared took a deep bow before stumbling forward and knocking a
glass off the counter. It smashed on the floor and he jumped away from the
offence glancing guiltily at Jensen. He started to throw apologies Jensen’s way
before he saw that Jensen was in hysterics.
 
“Don’t worry about it man, I think we got off pretty lightly don’t you?” Jensen
asked as he wrapped an arm over Jared’s shoulders and messed his hair
playfully. This caused Jared to swing Jensen into a headlock and mess up his
hair even worse until they were having a full on wrestling match there behind
the bar.
 
“Hey macho men, getting thirsty over here,” Sandy reminded them.
 
Jared took the shaker full of her cocktail and poured it into a glass while
Jensen still had an arm slung over his shoulder watching closely and mumbling
reminders not to spill it into Jared’s ear. Jared jabbed an elbow into Jensen’s
ribs, and Jensen danced out of reach and let Jared wait for Sandy’s approval of
her drink. Sandy tentatively took a sip and immediately started gasping.
 
“My God that’s strong.” Sandy waved a hand over her mouth as if she’d been
eating her mom’s chilli.
 
“Crap, I’m sorry, I’ll get Jensen to make you one,” Jared said reaching for the
glass.
 
“Don’t you dare!” Sandy exclaimed as she snatched the glass away from him and
huddled over it protectively. “I said it was strong, not horrible. And I want
the first cocktail Jared Padalecki makes, so there.” She stuck out her tongue
at Jared, and he laughed heartily at her childishness.
 
By the end of the night, Jeff was clearing out the stragglers and Chris and
Steve came to join them at the bar after clearing away their equipment. Chris
moved to sit next to Sandy, much to her delight, and Steve joined Jared. Jensen
provided them all with drinks and leaned over the bar in front of Jared. Their
hands were so close Jared thought that if the tiny hairs on their skin were to
stand up they would have actual contact.
 
“So, you have a good night?” Steve asked Jared, taking a sip of his beer.
 
“Yeah, I only broke one glass, thanks to Jensen, and I almost killed Sandy with
a cocktail so strong it could’ve raised the roof off the building. Oh and not
forgetting I got to hit a guy, too,” Jared said nodding enthusiastically; he
knew he was drunk but he didn’t care, and Sandy didn’t seem in any hurry to
move away from Chris, either.
 
“Yeah, I saw you behind the bar; Jensen showing you a thing or two, was he?”
Steve flicked his eyebrows up at them.
 
“Well at least he listens to me, which is more than I can say for some of the
others,” Jensen said and gave Jared an apologetic look.
 
“I think I did slightly better than I did in class today,” Jared said, and he
actually thought it was true.
 
“Ah, so you’re in Jen’s class?” Steve said knowingly. “Taking advantage of you
students again, huh, Jenny?” There may have been humour in Steve’s voice when
he said it, but Jared’s fears took hold, and the damage was done.
 
Jared froze, had he heard Steve right? Again? Jensen did this often? Was Jared
not the first to receive this treatment? Of course he wasn’t, how could he have
been so stupid? This was the perfect way to flirt with a guy, and with Jensen’s
looks he could have any guy or girl he wanted. He probably used this to get in
a guy’s pants all the time. Jensen was smacking Steve in the arm and saying
something about not listening to him, but Jared’s ears couldn’t take any of it
in.
 
“Sand?” Jared said loudly. “You about ready to go? Don’t you have class in the
morning?”
 
“Nah, I don’t have class till the afternoon.” Sandy met Jared’s eyes, and as
soon as she saw the panic in his, fear flicked through hers. “But I have got
tons of studying to do, not to mention a hangover to nurse.” She got up from
her seat and Jared sighed a little with relief; she really was the best friend
ever.
 
“You really have to go?” Chris asked Sandy sadly, while Jared quickly said
‘thanks’ and ‘goodnight.’ Jared idly wondered if he was coming off as rude, but
he couldn’t care; he couldn’t breathe, and he needed to get outside quickly.
Not waiting for Sandy, Jared made for the exit.
 
“Hey, wait, Sandy. Can I get your number?” Chris pleaded, and Jared heard Sandy
saying ‘yes,’ so he went outside to wait for her.
 
He slammed his back against the wall and struggled to keep his breathing under
control, his face flushed hot and his stomach clenched with anxiety.
 
“Jared?”
 
Jared looked up from where he was gasping for air to see Jensen looking at him,
concerned.
 
“Are you okay?” Jensen repeated the first words he had ever said to Jared.
 
“Yeah, I just… I drank too much is all.” It was the first thing Jared could
think to say.
 
“You sick?” Jensen’s concern was obvious.
 
“No… I mean… I just need to go home.” Jared tried not to look at Jensen;
Steve’s words were ringing in his head. Taking advantage of your students
again!
 
“I was worried maybe I did something wrong.” Jensen placed a hand on Jared’s
back and rubbed in gentle circles.
 
“I’m sorry; I guess I thought…” Now Jared did look at Jensen and was a little
shocked when Jensen reached out to stroke his face. Then Jared realised that
Jensen was wiping away a tear Jared hadn’t even known was there.
 
“What’s wrong?” Jensen stepped closer to him, his arm still working on Jared’s
back.
 
Jared traced the lines of Jensen’s face with his eyes and found he was still
breathtaking: his strong jaw, the freckles dusted over his nose and cheeks,
those captivating eyes that were full of feeling, and those full lips moving
closer to him.
 
“Nothing,” Jared whispered as he leaned toward those lips, wanting to taste
them.
 
“Jay?”
 
Jared pulled away as soon as he heard Sandy’s voice.
 
“Here,” he called to her, stepping away from Jensen and turning from his
questioning eyes.
 
“You okay, sweetie?” Sandy stepped past Jensen and focused completely on Jared,
making him look at her.
 
“You ready to go?” Jared asked.
 
Sandy looked concerned when Jared met her gaze, and she nodded her head. “It
was very nice to meet you, Jensen. I had a great time; thank you for
everything,” Sandy said politely.
 
“Yeah, sure, no problem,” Jensen replied, obviously confused. “I hope to see
you again, both of you.” Jensen’s voice was hopeful as he looked past Sandy to
Jared.
 
“Yeah, that’d be nice.” Sandy smiled sincerely before starting to lead Jared
away; and Jared was sure she could feel him starting to shake under her touch.
 
“Jared?” Jensen called after them.
 
“I’ll see you in class,” Jared mumbled over his shoulder in reply and walked
away quickly, leaving Jensen to watch him go.
 
~~~
 
 
“What was all that about?” Chris frowned when Jensen came back in with a
troubled look on his face.
 
“Steve, you idiot. Why’d you have to go say something like that?” Jensen
smacked Steve on the back of the head as he went past on his way behind the bar
where helped himself to a shot of tequila.
 
“Like what? What did I say?” Steve asked looking innocent.
 
“That crack you made about my students; God knows what Jared’s probably
thinking now.” Jensen downed the shot and poured himself another.
 
“Oh come on, it was a joke,” Steve defended. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
 
“Well that was obviously what freaked him out. Damn it, he must think I’m some
slut that fucks all the guys in my class.” Jensen ran a hand down his face and
stared at the door as if he was expecting Jared to come back in.
 
“Come off it, Jen, you haven’t fucked a guy since high school,” Steve said. “I
was thinking you’d sworn them off ‘till I saw you flirting with tall, dark, and
handsome tonight.”
 
“Yeah well he doesn’t know that, does he?” Jensen argued.
 
“I don’t think that’s all it was, guys,” Chris piped in. When Jensen and Steve
looked questioningly at him Chris explained. “Didn’t you see the look they
shared? The way Sandy was acting when he walked out, she was scared for him,
man.”
 
“What do you mean?” Jensen asked, confused and concerned.
 
“I dunno, but there’s definitely something more behind it. Just be careful
dude, don't get yourself caught up in something you don't want to be apart of,”
Chris warned.
 
“Hey, hey, hey, don't go getting that look in your eye,” Steve said snapping
his fingers in front of Jensen's face.
 
“What look?” Jensen asked.
 
“The mother hen look; you can’t take the world on your shoulders, you know.”
 
“Hey, I just want to know he's okay, that's all.” Jensen didn't know why he
felt he had to defend himself to his friends, but the look in Jared's eye as
that tear fell down his cheek was haunted; Chris was right, there was something
more to it, and Jensen couldn't help but need to know more. He couldn't stand
the fact that something must have hurt Jared badly enough to cause such a
reaction.
 
“Hey what's going on with the Hell Beast anyway?” Chris said changing the
subject to one even less welcome.
 
“Don't call her that,” Jensen snapped reflexively.
 
“Oh please tell me she's history this time?” Steve rolled his eyes, and he and
Chris exchanged weary looks.
 
“I haven't seen her in two weeks. I'd say it's definitely over this time,”
Jensen grumbled, desperately wanting to avoid the subject.
 
“Never say never, my friend.” Chris downed the rest of his beer and started
pulling on his jacket.
 
“Ah, but now he's got a new obsession,” Steve teased, and Jensen couldn’t help
the smile that spread across his face.
 
“For what it’s worth, Jen, I like him,” Chris told him handing Steve his
jacket.
 
“That’s just cause you got the hots for his girl,” Steve said as he took his
jacket and waggled his eyebrows at Chris.
 
“Get out of here, the both of you.” Jensen grinned at his friends and gave them
a shove towards the door.
 
“Alright, we’re going. Have fun, Jen.” Steve smacked Jensen on the back while
Chris waved goodbye, and they left Jensen to clean up the rest of the bar, his
thoughts lingering on the scent of Jared’s hair and feel of the tight muscles
on his arms. Jensen sighed and couldn’t help but smile at the memory.
 
***
 
After climbing three flights of stairs, Jared felt pretty damn sober by the
time he and Sandy entered his apartment, and he half wished he was as drunk as
he had been while still at the Lithe, at least that way the numbing depression
he felt creeping over him now wouldn’t affect him so much.
 
“So,” Sandy said quietly, automatically going past the counter that separated
that kitchen from the living room to the fridge and retrieving two beers.
“What’s with the sudden withdrawal?” Jared took the offered beer but avoided
Sandy’s gaze with a shrug. “Don’t give me that Jared, what did he do?” Sandy’s
voice was firm, but she slid into the seat next to him and gently placed her
hand on his knee.
 
“He didn’t do anything,” Jared said, slightly defensive of Jensen. When Sandy
frowned in confusion he elaborated. “It was Steve, or rather something he
said.” Now that he thought about it, Jared felt stupid and worried that he
might have overreacted.
 
“What did he say?” Sandy asked softly, never pushing more than necessary.
 
Jared took a deep breath. “He said that Jensen took advantage of his students,”
Jared told her, his voice toned as if he were saying something ridiculous, but
when he raised his eyes to meet Sandy’s, they were full of fear and sadness,
begging her to tell him it wasn’t true. Sandy bit her lip but kept her face
impassive. “He actually said that? As in, just came out with it?” she probed
for a clearer image, Jared could tell she was kicking herself for not paying
attention, for letting herself get wrapped up in Chris, and he felt guilty for
always being the one with a crisis.
 
“Well, it sounded like he said it as a joke, when he found out I was in
Jensen’s class.” Jared squinted a little, waiting to be told he was a fool.
 
“So, he could’ve just been pulling your leg?” she asked.
 
Jared rested his head on Sandy’s shoulder and sighed deeply. “I dunno, Sand.”
 
“You really like him, don’t you?” Sandy linked her fingers with Jared’s and
squeezed lovingly.
 
“Do you?” Jared asked, suddenly looking up at her, eyes filled with hope. Jared
wanted her to tell him what to do, what to feel, but knew she couldn’t and
wouldn’t do that.
 
“I don’t really know him, Jay,” she said carefully. “From what I’ve seen, he
seems like a real nice guy; and you two appeared to be having plenty of fun
together. It looked like he honestly likes you,” she smiled at the memory of
the two of them wrestling behind the bar.
 
“Yeah, that’s how it starts,” Jared said bitterly.
 
Quickly, Sandy took Jared’s face in her hands and made him meet her intense
gaze.
 
“Listen, Jared. I can’t promise you that Jensen’s not that guy, that he’ll
treat you right and never break your heart. But I do know that you can’t keep
living in the past and assuming that’s the way it’s always gonna be.” She was
half telling, half pleading with Jared.
 
“So you’re saying I should trust him?” Jared tried to look away, but Sandy kept
her firm grip on his face.
 
“I’m saying that you shouldn’t jump to conclusions because of one thing Steve
said. I get that you want to be cautious, and I think you’re right to be.”
Jared looked lost again. “Get to know him, Jay. Be his friend.”
 
“I’m scared, Sand. I don’t trust…” Jared trailed off weakly.
 
“Jensen?”
 
“Me. I don’t trust myself around him. After what Steve said, and I got outside,
I couldn’t breathe, you know? But then Jensen was there, and it’s like all my
fears went away, and it was just him and me; that nothing else mattered. I just
wanted to touch him, to kiss him, and for him to kiss me.” Jared took a deep,
shaky breath. “He made me feel safe.”
 
“Oh, Jay.”
 
“I know; it’s stupid isn’t it? I mean, I’ve only known him a day.” Jared’s
stomach fluttered when he remembered Jensen’s lips descending on his and
absently licked his lips, just wishing he knew what their lips touching would
feel like. “But the way he makes me feel, Sand. I’ve never… Not since…”
 
“The best advice I can give you is take it slow, and never do anything you
don’t feel ready for, okay?” she told him kindly but with an authority to her
voice that Jared always listened to.
 
Jared nodded and looked down at his unopened beer.
 
“You staying the night?” Jared changed the subject, feeling worn out.
 
“You want me too?” Sandy smiled and took Jared’s beer from him.
 
“Yeah, that would be good,” Jared said with slight relief that he wouldn’t be
on his own tonight. He watched Sandy put the untouched beers back in the fridge
and stood up to make his way to the bedroom. Inside the bedroom, Jared pulled
open one of his drawers and took out a large t-shirt and left it on the end of
the bed. Then he stripped down to his boxers and slipped under the covers.
 
The lights from the other room clicked off and Sandy came into the bedroom.
Without saying a word she undressed to her underwear before pulling the t-shirt
Jared supplied over her head. Jared pulled back the covers for her and Sandy
snuggled up to Jared’s warmth.
 
“Thank you,” Jared whispered into her hair and wrapped his arms around her.
 
“Anytime,” Sandy murmured. “Now go to sleep.”
 
Smiling Jared held her tighter and let his eyes close, the image of Jensen’s
lips fixed on the back of his eyelids.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Part 3
 
Jensen hadn’t felt this excited about a class since his first day teaching it,
and he knew it had nothing to do with teaching this time round. He just wanted
to see that blinding smile and hear that contagious laughter again. The day
before had dragged so slowly, he was sure time reversed at one point it took so
long for it to be over.
 
Jensen looked at the clock again; it was seven past ten, a whole thirty seconds
since he’d last checked, and the excitement that had been bubbling in Jensen’s
stomach was slowly turning into an ache of dread. What if what Steve had said
the other night really had scared Jared away? What if he thought Jensen was
some slut who went through his class fucking all his students?
 
Jensen stared at the empty table near the back of the room and instead of
picturing Jared’s dimples winking at him, Jensen was struck with images of
those haunted eyes that had looked down at him. There was a fear buried deeply
there that scared Jensen, he wanted to wipe that fear from those eyes where it
had no business belonging, eyes that should have been filled with the sparkle
of waiting for Sandy to taste his first cocktail.
 
Eight past ten, Jensen couldn’t wait any longer. With a heavy sigh he called
for the group’s attention. After a few moments, silence descended on the room,
and it was at that moment the door squeaked open, a familiar floppy haired
figure slipped through the doorway and everyone turned to stare. Jared dipped
his head and raised a hand in an embarrassed apology, and Jensen felt a bolt of
joy shoot through his body. But when Jared didn’t meet his eyes, that joy
tumbled into confusion and worry. Without any other option, Jensen continued
with the class.
 
~~~
 
Jared tried not to make eye contact with Jensen, he really did, but it turned
out that Jensen kept trying to make it with him. Jensen stood up there, at the
front of the class and demonstrated the moves the class were to practice. Being
a good student Jared paid attention and tried to take everything in, but every
now and then Jensen’s gaze would fix directly on Jared’s, and Jared would feel
his cheeks burn and force his line of sight down to the bottle on the table.
Eventually he was so worried about catching Jensen’s gaze he found it hard to
look at him at all. So, when Jensen told the class to start practicing, Jared
discovered that he didn’t actually know what it was he was supposed to be
doing.
 
Jared discreetly tried to watch the man at the next table, but found he did the
move so fast, Jared couldn’t tell how it was done. He attempted to copy anyway
and unsurprisingly the shaker tumbled to the floor, Jared was even less
surprised when Jensen picked it up and handed it back to him.
 
“Thanks,” Jared mumbled and forced himself not to look into Jensen’s eyes,
knowing that as soon as he did he would be lost.
 
“You know, that move’s a little advanced for you, I did suggest that the less
experienced do the other one I demonstrated,” Jensen said in amusement, as he
leaned his hip against the table and crossed his arms over his chest. Still,
Jared didn’t look directly at him, but he could imagine the little smile
playfully spreading across Jensen’s lips.
 
“Oh,” Jared said dumbly. His eyes searched the room, but everyone else appeared
to be much better than him, and he just couldn’t get a handle on all the
bottles and shakers flying through the air.
 
“Do you want me to show you again?” Jensen asked, taking a step forward and
holding his hand out for the shaker.
 
Jared’s shoulders slumped, so much for his avoidance plan. He’d spent all of
Thursday thinking about how he was going to handle seeing Jensen again, and had
decided that the best course of action was to stay as far away from him as
possible, not to make eye contact, and above all else, never allow any physical
contact.
 
“Jared?” Jensen stepped closer, his hand reaching out for the shaker. Jared
watched it as if it were moving in slow motion; the pounding of his heart in
his ears deafening him to any other sound. He could practically see a bolt of
electricity zapping between them, the static of it making his hairs stand on
end. Jensen’s fingers folded around the shaker, gently brushing against the
back of Jared’s hand; heat burst though Jared’s body, his breath hitched and he
couldn’t stop his face from lifting sharply as if in shock.
 
And there they were, those brilliant emerald eyes, glowing spectacularly
perfect as they peered at him questioningly.
 
Jared felt the shaker slip from his grasp as he pulled his hand back roughly.
Jensen was so shocked when Jared recoiled from him that he didn’t even attempt
to catch the falling item.
 
The sound of the shaker clattering to the ground jarred Jared from his trance,
and he blinked himself back to reality.
 
“Oh shit. I’m sorry, man,” Jared said quickly, as he bent to retrieve the
shaker, but of course Jensen was doing exactly the same thing at their heads
collided with a solid thump.
 
“Ouch,” they both hissed and held their hands to their heads. Jared looked
sheepishly over at Jensen; he half expected Jensen to be annoyed and was
pleasantly surprised when Jensen tipped his head back and laughed heartily.
 
“I’m such a klutz,” Jared chuckled, still unable to look away.
 
“Or a freak,” the guy at the next table mumbled. Jared’s face burned like it
had been hit with a backdraught, and Jensen shot the guy a warning glare. The
guy looked away, whispering something to the woman next to him
 
“Don’t worry about him. He seems to have forgotten that he was just as bad when
he first started.” Jensen glared at the guy again and this time the guy looked
sheepish and the woman he’d been whispering with smirked. “Look, let’s start
out slowly,” Jensen added.
 
Jensen took the bottle from the table, and making no attempt to touch Jared, he
just demonstrated a simple move. He spun the bottle in the air once and caught
it around the neck.
 
“Now you try,” he suggested.
 
Jared took the bottle and a deep breath. He nodded to himself before making the
bottle soar upwards; it turned slowly, and Jared held his breath as it
descended towards his waiting hand. As soon as he felt it hit his skin, Jared
curled his fingers round the neck of the bottle. He jerked his other hand ready
to try and catch the falling bottle, but it didn’t fall, it stayed firmly in
his grasp. Jared stared at the bottle in disbelief.
 
“I did it.” He looked up to see Jensen beaming at him. “I did it,” he said
again, blinking to make sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him.
 
“Yes you did,” Jensen smiled with a nod. “Now do it again.”
 
“Right.” Jared turned serious again and concentrated on the bottle. He spun it
and caught it. He grinned at Jensen and resisted the urge to hug him in
celebration.
 
“Excellent. See, I knew you could do it.” Jensen watched as Jared proudly spun
the bottle again, proving it wasn’t a fluke. “Now, make it spin twice.”
 
Jared’s smile hit the ground faster than a lightening strike, and he glared at
Jensen’s smug expression.
 
“Just have to rain on my parade, don’tcha?” Jared pouted.
 
“It is what I live for,” Jensen said with mock seriousness.
 
“Can’t I just-” Jared spun the bottle again, once, caught it and looked
hopefully at Jensen.
 
“I wouldn’t be a very good teacher if I said ‘yes,’ now would I?” Jensen’s grin
was far too superior, and Jared really wanted to stick his tongue out at him.
Instead, he obligingly threw the bottle, it obediently spun twice, and they
both watch in anticipation as it landed in Jared’s outstretched hand. Jared
closed his hand, but not before the bottle bounced out, and Jared was left
grasping nothing but empty space. The bottle tumbled to the ground, but Jared
ignored it, just looking at his hand as though it had grown an extra finger.
 
“Almost,” Jensen said kindly and retrieved the bottle. “Keep practicing.”
 
Jared sighed but nodded to Jensen. He forced his eyes to look at the bottle and
not Jensen’s retreating back.
 
By the end of the class, Jared had actually managed to succeed at the double
spin, and he was feeling very proud of himself. He stayed to make a couple of
final tries before he pulled his on jacket and turned to leave with the rest of
the class.
 
“Jared, wait up a sec?” Jensen called, and Jared stiffened. He’d done fine
handling Jensen today, but there had been a room full of people, now it would
be just the two of them; this was different, more intimate. Still, he waited
for Jensen, turning back slowly and focusing himself on the idea that they were
just friends; he could do that, nothing more than friends.
 
“I did the double spin, did you see?” Jared couldn’t help the wide smile he
showed when speaking about his accomplishment.
 
“I did, nice one, man,” Jensen said, returning his smile. “Look, I was
thinking-”
 
Jared froze. Oh God, what does he want? What’s he going to ask of me?
 
“I want you to take this bottle home with you. I’m going to give you a few
things to practice, okay?” Jensen handed him the bottle, and Jared took it,
letting out a relieved breath.
 
“Well, that’ll save me smashing everything in Tom’s bar,” Jared laughed.
 
“Well then, he’ll owe me one.” Jensen winked at him.
 
“I’ll let him know.” They shared the laugh.
 
Yeah, I can do this. Jared thought, relaxing into the friendly atmosphere.
 
“So, just practice the moves you know and try to do it with your other hand
too. It would be good if you could get someone to help you, throwing the bottle
back and forth between you now that you’ve mastered actually catching it,”
Jensen told him, and Jared nodded.
 
“Yeah sure, I bet Sandy would love to be part of it all.” Jared could just
imagine him and Sandy throwing the bottle at each other. “Actually, that might
not be the best idea; there could be injuries.” Jared frowned, now seeing trips
to the ER involved. “But Tom knows how to do it all, so we could practice when
the bars not too busy.”
 
“Well, if you’re ever stuck in need of a partner, just give me a call, okay?”
Jensen was suddenly closer than Jared thought he’d been a second ago.
 
“Uh, thanks. But I think I got it covered,” Jared said past the lump that had
filled his throat.
 
“So, anyway, I’m glad you came the other night,” Jensen said taking another
step closer to Jared. “Did you have a good time?”
 
“I did, thanks for inviting me,” Jared gulped. He forced himself to step away
before his instincts made him lean into Jensen.
 
“You should really come again. I’d even get you behind the bar again.” There
was a smirk on Jensen’s face.
 
Jared remembered Jensen’s firm body pressed up behind him. His strong hands
trailing down his arms as his fingers teased his skin. Jared looked into
Jensen’s eyes, and his breath shuddered. Jensen moved closer, but as Jared
licked his lips, Steve’s voice echoed in his head.
 
‘Taking advantage of your students again?’
 
“Uh, yeah. Maybe. I’ve gotta go, gotta get to work, you know?” Jared stuttered,
as he quickly backed away and stumbled out the door. This is going to be harder
than I thought!
 
***
 
By the end of the next week, Jared was exhausted. He’d worked his ass off over
the weekend, and then hadn’t had a day off all week. Now it was Friday, and he
was counting the minutes for his shift at Tom’s to end.
 
It didn’t help that he felt like an asshole. All week at his class, he’d been
more and more off with Jensen, and the looks he was getting from his teacher
were becoming less confused and more hurt. Earlier that day, at the end of the
class, Jared had pretended he hadn’t heard Jensen calling out to him and bolted
from the room. He couldn’t help it; every time Jensen got close to him his body
flushed hot, his hands trembled, and he lost all ability to talk coherently. So
much for attempting to be friends, Jared just wanted to grab the poor guy and
suffocate him with kisses, it was driving him insane.
 
On the upside, he was actually starting to get the hang of catching things. He
hadn’t mastered any complicated moves yet, but he and Tom could toss the bottle
back and forth behind the bar, and Jared now caught it more often than he
dropped it. Then Tom would usually show off with flashy moves that Jared
couldn’t dream of accomplishing. Watching Tom in awe always reminded Jared of
Jensen, and of watching him that night at the Lithe.
 
“You got any plans for the night?” Tom’s question jerked Jared from his
thoughts. Jared glanced at the clock, five past eight, so much for counting the
minutes, his shift was over, and he hadn’t even noticed. Jared grabbed a bottle
of Corona and plonked himself on a bar stool; finally his body was allowed to
relax.
 
“Yep,” Jared nodded. “I plan to sit here, drown myself in beer until I start to
see double, then stagger home and go to sleep for the whole weekend.” Jared
gulped his beer happily.
 
“Sounds like a plan to me, man,” Tom agreed. “I wish I could join ya, but
someone’s gotta earn the dollars around here.” Tom gave him a wink and moved
off to serve a couple of short blondes that giggled and gazed up at him
adoringly.
 
“Yeah, such a hardship,” Jared chuckled. He watched Tom flirt with the women
for a while before the sight of them drooling became too sickening, so he
turned his attention back to his beer, resting his head on the cool, moist
glass of the bottle and sighing.
 
Jared was half way through his third beer and starting to feel pleasantly
buzzed, when Sandy practically jumped onto the stool beside him and hit him
with a bombshell.
 
“We’re going out tonight,” she announced. Jared eyed her carefully, she was
giddy; that was the only way to describe it.
 
“What’s up with you?” Jared asked, turning to face her with a grin.
 
“Chris asked me out,” she informed him, literally bouncing on her stool.
 
“Really? That’s awesome. Where’s he taking you, and what does that have to do
with us going out?” Jared was about to hug her when he caught the shadow in her
eye that told him to wait for the rest of the story first, because hugs can’t
be taken back once given.
 
“Well, when I say he asked me out, I mean, he invited me to watch him play—at
The Lithe, tonight.” Sandy at least had decency to wince, but still looked up
at Jared with hopeful eyes.
 
“So go, have a good time.” Jared turned back to his beer and finished the rest
of the bottle in one long gulp.
 
“Come on, Jay. Please come with me?” Sandy said, holding onto his arm and
tugging encouragingly.
 
“Ugh, Sandy, don’t do this to me, please?” Jared moaned, pulling his arm out of
her grip.
 
“You can’t avoid him forever you know,” Sandy said, slumping her shoulders over
and resting her elbows on the bar.
 
“Oh yes I can,” Jared sing-songed.
 
“I don’t wanna go by myself,” Sandy grumbled. “I’ll be like the sad groupie
waiting by the edge of the stage. At least with you there, I can dance and
enjoy myself until I get to talk to Chris.”
 
Jared rolled his eyes when Sandy gave him a sidelong look. Her lips pulled
slightly; she knew she was getting to him.
 
“I talked to Chris you know? I have it on good authority that Jensen’s a really
good guy, and that what Steve said was bullshit. Jensen’s never asked any of
his students to the bar before.”
 
Jared pretended not to be interested by drinking from his empty beer bottle.
 
“You won’t even have to talk to him. I’ll go to the bar for the drinks; we’ll
stay by the stage. Please?” Sandy pouted, and Jared sighed.
 
“Alright, alright. I’ll go with you.” Jared yelped as Sandy threw herself at
him, forcing him to hold onto the bar to prevent them from landing on the floor
in a heap. “But we’re staying by the stage!”
 
 
It was nearly ten when they got to The Lithe, Sandy dragging him in, just like
their first time there. Jeff nodded at them when they passed him at the door,
and Jared wondered if Jeff was just being polite or if he actually remembered
them.
 
The bar was busy, completely packed full with most of the bodies crammed onto
the dance floor. Jared leaned close to Sandy’s ear to make sure she heard him.
 
“You go get us some drinks. I’ll hunt us out a spot by the stage, okay?” Sandy
nodded her agreement and began pushing her way to the bar. Jared moved around
the outside of the thriving dance floor finding an empty spot near the stage
and looked up just as the song finished.
 
Chris noticed Jared easily, probably because his head popped out over everyone
else’s; he gave Jared a cheerful wave and looked around him anxiously. Jared
grinned and pointed to the bar where Sandy was getting their drinks. At the
same time, Sandy was pointing over to where Jared was standing. Jared looked at
whom she was speaking, and his heart skipped a beat when his eyes met shining
emerald ones. There was a flash of happiness in Jensen’s face when he saw
Jared, but that quickly changed to confusion and slight hurt. Jared guessed he
was probably upset Jared hadn’t gone over to say “hi.”
 
Jared felt a stab of guilt punch him in the gut; it wasn’t Jensen’s fault Jared
was so insecure, and he hadn’t asked to be treated like he’d done something
wrong, when all he’d done was be nice to Jared, to take an interest. So,
swallowing his pride, Jared threw on a wide grin and waved to Jensen. Jensen’s
face lit up, and he waved back, Jared couldn’t help the honest smile that
reaction caused him, and he was pretty sure he was blushing. God, I’m such a
girl.
 
Turning his attention back to the band, Jared nodded his head along with the
new song they’d started playing. In no time, Sandy was by his side handing him
his drink.
 
“Perks of knowing the bartender,” she grinned at how quickly she got served.
Then she was focused entirely on Chris, who sent her a wink, causing her to
smile so wide the people around her were surely blinded.
 
After their first drinks were empty, Sandy dragged Jared onto the dance floor,
moving her tiny body skilfully with the lively music. They danced for a couple
of songs until Jared was out of breath. He moved back to their spot by the
stage and left her to dance on her own for a while, but wished she’d take a
break to go get them another round because Jared wasn’t sure he was ready to
face Jensen, just yet.
 
He was just about to suggest it to her, when she bounded up next to him. But
before he could get a word out, she informed him she was taking a bathroom
break, so Jared was forced to wait out the thirst dancing had given him.
 
Suddenly, there was a drink held out in front of him. Jared blinked and
followed the familiar arm until he was met with Jensen’s face.
 
“You’re avoiding me!” Jensen told him, standing beside him and watching the
band.
 
“What? No, no I’m not – Why would I do that?” Jared spluttered, but he accepted
the drink gratefully.
 
“You know, Jay, if there’s something wro—”
 
“No nothing,” Jared cut in. “I was just enjoying the band, that’s all. I didn’t
get a chance to watch them last time.”
 
Jensen appeared disappointed that Jared wouldn’t seem to tell him the truth,
and there was that guilt again, a hot poker in Jared’s belly.
 
“They are pretty good, aren’t they?” Jensen turned his focus to the music.
Jared watched him get lost in it, his eyes closed, an expression of calm
covering his face and a small blissful smile on his lips. Jared was transfixed,
Jensen looked so at peace as he swayed gently, the lights from the stage shone
off his skin, and to Jared he looked more beautiful than anything he’d ever
seen. Jared wanted to reach out and touch him.
 
“Amazing,” Jared said quietly, and he was certain he wasn’t talking about the
band. Jared swallowed as Jensen looked over at him, and they smiled at each
other.
 
Suddenly the song ended and the spell was broken.
 
“Looks like the band is taking a break; I’d better get back to work,” Jensen
said unenthusiastically, running his hand through his hair.
 
“Yeah, okay,” Jared replied. Jensen looked like he wanted to say something else
but he just stood there nervously for a moment, looking incredibly shy. He
pointed vaguely towards the bar, and then Jared was watching him walk away.
 
Jared looked around for Sandy and spied her on the other side of the stage
talking to Chris. He watched her laugh at something Chris had said and tried to
decide whether or not to go over to her. Before he could decide, Steve appeared
next to him, watching the couple talk and flirt.
 
Jared felt awkward around Steve after what he’d said last time they’d met, so
he just gave him a quick ‘Hey,’ a small smile, and drank his beer. The silence
went on, and the two men just stood there. Jared started getting fidgety and
finally felt the need to break the tension.
 
“Your friend better have honourable intentions toward my friend,” he half
joked, forcing out a little chuckle.
 
“I could say the same thing about you,” Steve said, deadpan.
 
“What? No, I’m not –” Jared flustered. “There’s nothing –”
 
“Look,” Steve turned to look directly into Jared’s eyes and spoke seriously.
“He may act pretty sure of himself, but Jensen’s the most sensitive guy I know.
He’s my best friend, and I’m not going to see him get messed up again!”
 
Jared opened his mouth to object, but his words died on his lips.
 
“Again?” he asked, concerned and confused. Had Jensen been hurt in the past,
was that why Steve was acting like the guard dog?
 
Steve must have realised he’d said too much and looked away from Jared.
 
“Just make sure you don’t hurt him, okay?” Steve made as if to walk away, but
Jared stopped him.
 
“I don’t know what you’re thinking, Steve. But Jensen, and I are just friends,”
Jared told him, making his voice firm so it would sound like he was trying to
convince Steve and not himself. “I think he’s a really nice guy, and I’ve no
intention of hurting him, in any way.”
 
Steve smirked. “Just friends, huh? Sure, Jared, that’s—If you say so.” Steve
smacked him on the back with a much friendlier grin and hopped back up onto the
stage, signalling Chris—who was giving Sandy a soft, slow kiss on the cheek—as
he went.
 
Had Jared just been warned off Jensen? What was it Steve was so worried about?
 
Jared looked over the crowd to see Jensen frowning at him slightly. Jared shook
his head a little, letting Jensen know it was okay, that Steve was behaving.
Jensen’s lips turned up into a small smile, it was like a secret passed across
the room just for Jared, and it made his heart skip a beat. Jared returned the
smile, blushing when he found he couldn’t look away; he was like prey captured
by Jensen’s eyes. Someone waved a hand in front of Jensen’s face causing him to
duck his head in embarrassment; Jared laughed with him and nodded when Jensen
indicated getting back to work.
 
Jared was still smiling when Sandy found him; her cheeks were a little red –
probably shy about Chris – and she peered meekly up at Jared.
 
“So, what was that?” she asked pointing towards the bar before Jared could
question her on the kiss Chris had given her.
 
“What was what?” Jared grinned.
 
“I saw the two of you making eyes at each other,” Sandy said with a sly smile
spreading across her face.
 
“We were not making eyes,” Jared protested. “I was just being polite.”
 
“You know, Jared,” Sandy said, amused as she tugged on Jared’s arm to get his
attention away from where it had sneaked back to Jensen. “I suggested you get
to know him, be his friend. Not treat him like a leper and completely ignore
him.”
 
Jared looked guiltily at her before flicking his glance to Jensen once again.
Jensen was looking at him too and flashed him a smile when their eyes met.
 
“Just go talk to him,” Sandy encouraged, giving him a little push.
 
“But I don’t know how to act around him,” Jared admitted. “He makes me crazy,
and I loose the ability to even speak properly.” Jared sighed, why was it so
hard? Why did he have to be so scared?
 
“I know the feeling,” Sandy said wistfully.
 
“You looked like you were doing okay from here,” Jared said, nudging her in the
side. Sandy blushed, her eyes fixed on Chris, who sent a wink her way as he
sang into the microphone.
 
“I like him, he’s nice,” she sighed happily.
 
“He’s nice? Oh girl, you’ve got it bad,” Jared teased. He put his arm over her
shoulder and gave her a squeeze. Sandy smacked him in the chest but he just
laughed at her and caught her hand as she tried again.
 
“Get off me,” Sandy squealed, and Jared poked her in the sides, tickling her.
“I mean it, Jared. Keep your gigantic hands to yourself.”
 
“Or what? Your new boyfriend will beat me up?” Jared said in a schoolyard voice
and poked her again.
 
“Yeah he will; he’ll protect me from the big ogre.” Sandy grinned cheekily as
Jared pulled her in for another squeezing hug.
 
“Aw, baby. You know you love me,” Jared said playfully.
 
“Yeah, whatever. I’m getting a drink,” Sandy said, leaning up and placing a
little kiss on Jared’s cheek before going to move away.
 
“Hold up,” Jared stopped her. “I’ll get it for you.”
 
Sandy stopped and stared at him in surprise. “You sure?” she asked.
 
“Like you said, I should go talk to him, right?” Jared answered, his voice
betraying how nervous he actually was.
 
“Right,” Sandy nodded, her smile telling Jared how proud she was of him.
 
 
Eventually Jared made it to the bar and watched the blonde bartender front of
him do some very impressive moves, making three cocktails in one go. He was so
fascinated, that for a moment he didn’t notice another bartender asking him
what he wanted.
 
“Oh, um—” Jared faltered. “Oh—I actually don’t know what it’s called. It’s a
cocktail—it’s got kind of a reddish colour—I’m pretty sure it’s got alcohol in
it—” Jared felt stupid and the bartender looked very unimpressed and impatient.
 
“It’s okay, I’ve got this one,” Jensen said to the bartender, who nodded,
looking relieved and going off to serve someone else.
 
Jared leaned on the bar and hid his face in his hands. “God, that was
embarrassing,” he moaned.
 
“This is for Sandy I take it?” Jensen chuckled good-naturedly.
 
“Yeah, I never even thought to ask what she was drinking,” Jared admitted not
being able to help the grin that spread on his face, and he ended up laughing
along with Jensen.
 
“You want to make it yourself?” Jensen offered, holding a shaker out to him.
 
Jared quickly held up his hands and took a step backwards. “Oh no, not
tonight,” he said hastily.
 
Jensen simply shrugged and set about making Sandy’s cocktail. Jared watched
him, as always, fascinated by the skilful moves and natural flare Jensen
invariably showed. Eventually, Jensen placed the drink on the bar and reached
for a bottle of beer, he cracked it open and held it out to Jared. Jared took
the bottle, but Jensen didn’t let go, he just pulled Jared a little closer.
 
“I will get you behind this bar at some point tonight,” Jensen promised in a
low voice. Jared gulped and stared into Jensen’s penetrating, bright eyes;
their fingers just touching on the damp bottle.
 
“O-okay,” Jared managed to stammer. “Just—when there aren’t so many people
around to laugh at me, yeah?”
 
“Deal,” Jensen agreed and released the bottle into Jared’s possession.
 
Then Jensen was gone, yet again not asking for any money for the drinks. Jared
stared at his hand where he could still feel the light brush of Jensen’s
fingers; he couldn’t fight the shudder that went down his spine, and he took a
deep drink of his beer.
 
~~~
 
The night went quickly for Jensen. It was Friday and busier than it normally
was so he was kept busy all night long. He could see Jared across the room,
chatting and laughing with Sandy. He watched them dance; he watched them drink;
he watched Sandy batting her eyelashes at Chris and Chris casting glances her
way while he sang. He smiled at his friend, happy that he had found a nice girl
to concentrate his attention on, Jensen really liked Sandy and truly hoped
they’d hit it off.
 
The fact that it was now Jared who came to get the refills—not that they had a
chance to talk, but at least he wasn’t being ignored anymore—made his stomach
flutter with anticipation, and he found himself watching Sandy’s drink and
willing her to finish it faster.
 
Eventually, last orders were called, the band finished playing, and the
houselights went up. Jared helped the band pack up their equipment, while Sandy
talked with Chris. Jensen said good night to the rest of the bar staff and
finished cleaning up the bar.
 
When everything was done, he lined up a drink for everyone; a cocktail for
Sandy and beers for Jared, Chris, Steve, Jeff, and himself. Finally, they all
sat at the bar and chatted happily.
 
When Jensen had finished his beer, he went back behind the bar and gathered a
few things, he looked over at Jared, who was talking animatedly with Jeff about
some trouble they’d had once at Tom’s.
 
“Hey, Jay. Come here a second would ya?” Jensen called, spinning a liquor
bottle on his hand. He grinned as Jared came around to join him, a puzzled look
on his face. “Catch!”
 
Jensen threw the bottle to Jared, it spun in the air a few times as it covered
the distance between them, and Jared lifted his hand instinctively and caught
the bottle easily. Sandy started cheering, and the other men clapped at Jared’s
achievement.
 
“You’ve been practicing,” Jensen beamed at him, impressed and pleased that
Jared had caught it.
 
“I sure have,” Jared said and tossed the bottle back to Jensen, smiling
happily.
 
“Let’s see what ya got,” Jensen challenged, causing Jared to grin smugly.
 
“Show me the way,” Jared accepted the challenge. Jensen guessed he was drunk
enough to not care about making a fool of himself, but sober enough to actually
pull of a few moves.
 
Jensen gripped the bottle and threw it to Jared, making sure it spun a few
times. Jared caught it and raised an eyebrow at Jensen, as if to ask if that’s
all he had. Well, Jensen wasn’t about to let that slide. He flicked his
fingers, indicating that Jared pass the bottle back to him, as soon as it left
Jared’s fingers, Jensen spun, grabbed another bottle and launched in Jared’s
direction before catching the one thrown at him.
 
Jared was flustered for a second but he caught the bottle and grinned at
Jensen. Jensen didn’t give him time to recover; he threw the bottle back at
Jared, wondering if he’d catch on to the game. Surprisingly it only took Jared
a stunned second to catch on, and then they were throwing the bottles between
each other, getting an easy rhythm going.
 
“Told you I’d get you behind the bar tonight,” Jensen called over to Jared.
 
“Hope I didn’t disappoint,” Jared called back as they continued to toss the two
bottles between them.
 
“Can you take a little more?” Jensen asked, but he didn’t give time for Jared
to reply; instead, he just grabbed another bottle and added it to the mix.
Jared caught it and the pace increased, with now three bottles being juggled
between the two men.
 
“Whoa,” Jared cried when he almost missed a bottle. Jensen laughed, and then
Jared lost his grip and one bottle fell to the ground, quickly followed by the
next, luckily neither of them broke and Jared retrieved them quickly. Jensen
kept hold of the third bottle and laughed along with everyone else, including
Jared.
 
“Wow, Jared, that was awesome,” Sandy praised excitedly.
 
“You were really doing it,” Steve agreed.
 
“Nice one,” Chris nodded in approval.
 
“Wow, I can’t believe I did that,” Jared said in wonderment.
 
“Well you did, kid, so believe it,” Jeff said as he toasted him with his beer.
 
“I knew you could do it,” Jensen said proudly as he took the bottles from
Jared’s hand.
 
“Yeah, I mean, Tom and I have been throwing a bottle between us pretty well,
but we’ve never done two at a time, especially not three. That was amazing,”
Jared exclaimed as he bounced on his feet. His entire face lit up, and Jensen
was taken in by the sight for a moment.
 
“You want me to show you a few more things?” Jensen asked.
 
“Hell yeah,” Jared blurted. “I’m on a roll.”
 
“Okay, well, Jared. I’m going to leave you to it,” Sandy called before Jared
could get back into practicing with Jensen.
 
“Oh, okay, I’ll walk you home,” Jared said, sounding slightly disappointed that
he wouldn’t be able to stay with Jensen, but Jensen guessed that Jared didn’t
like Sandy being on the streets alone.
 
“I’ve got it covered, buddy,” Chris told him and slung an arm around Sandy’s
shoulder causing her to blush beautifully. Jensen could’ve kissed Chris because
now Jared got to stay.
 
“You take care of my girl,” Jared warned, but with a smile on his face.
 
“She’s plenty safe with me,” Chris promised.
 
Jared leaned across the bar and gave Sandy a kiss before she and Chris left,
followed by Steve who threw them a wave and a smirk.
 
“You need me to hang around?” Jeff asked at the same time as throwing on his
jacket.
 
“No, I’m good, Jeff. I’ll lock up,” Jensen told him. He followed Jeff to the
door so he could lock up behind him.
 
“Have a good night,” Jeff said with a wink. Jensen felt his cheeks flush and
pushed Jeff gently out the door.
 
“Night Jeff,” he drawled, but smiled at the chuckle that followed Jeff down the
street. He locked the doors, throwing the big bolt in place before pausing to
take a moment to compose himself. Jared was waiting for him; they were alone,
and Jared was finally talking to him again. Jensen blew out a nervous breath
before turning to go back to the bar.
 
Jared was still behind the bar, his hands shoved in his pockets and staring at
his feet like they were going to walk away from him. He looked as nervous as
Jensen felt.
 
“Right—so—you want another beer?” Jensen asked to break the silence, jerking
Jared out of his thoughts.
 
“Oh, yeah sure,” Jared said, nodding his head a few too many times. “Listen,
Jensen, I—well I wanted to apologise.”
 
“For what?” Jensen asked as he snapped the tops off a couple of beers and
handed one to Jared.
 
“For being a jerk,” Jared shrugged and peered at Jensen through his long bangs.
“You were right; this past week I have been kinda avoiding you, and I’m sorry.”
 
Jensen frowned and moved closer to Jared. “So, why were you avoiding me?” he
asked cautiously. Jared’s face flushed a little, making him look so young all
of a sudden. Jensen’s heart clenched.
 
“Because I like you,” Jared admitted quietly after a time, refusing to meet
Jensen’s gaze.
 
“You were avoiding me because you like me?” Jensen questioned, chuckling
slightly at Jared’s logic, but his heart racing at the possibilities of the
statement. He tipped his head, trying to find Jared’s eyes under his hair, but
Jared’s concentration was focused on his foot scuffing the ground.
 
“Yeah, I like you, and I’m not really sure what to do about it; so I panicked,
and I was an asshole, and I’m sorry, but I really didn’t know how to act around
you, and Sandy said that I should get to know you, and I’d really like to—get
to know you that is—if you wanted to get to know me, I didn’t mean to assume
that you—” Jared said in a rush.
 
Jensen so wanted to kiss him right then, but he feared that Jared would run a
mile if he tried. So, instead he just took Jared’s arm to get his attention and
cut off his ramble.
 
“Whoa, calm down, Jared,” he called loudly but kept his tone soothing. Jared
paused and finally looked at Jensen. Jensen smiled at him, rubbing his thumb
over the tense muscles in Jared’s arm. “I like you too, and I would love to get
to know you better.”
 
“You do? You would? Really?” Jared physically deflated, a small, hopeful smile
twitching at his lips.
 
“Yeah, really,” Jensen chuckled and was relieved when Jared joined in, his
smile now lighting up his face.
 
“Well—good, that’s good,” Jared said, nodding to himself as if trying to stay
cool.
 
They looked at each other, silence engulfing them, and Jensen could feel the
tension building up between them. That wasn’t good, he didn’t want there to be
any tension getting in the way.
 
“You know, you’re going to have to learn to juggle,” he blurted suddenly,
mentally kicking himself for being so random. Luckily, Jared burst out
laughing, full and loud, throwing his head back and exposing his long neck that
Jensen just wanted to lick.
 
“Juggle? Are you serious?” Jared asked once he’d caught his breath.
 
“I’m deadly serious, you’re gonna need to know how to do it,” Jensen told him.
 
“Why?”
 
“I’ll show you,” Jensen said. He picked up three liquor bottle and proceeded to
juggle with them, throwing them high in the air and catching them with a
graceful ease that made Jared severely jealous.
 
“Wow,” Jared gasped in awe and clapped in appreciation. Jensen stopped juggling
and grinned at the applause. “You really think I’ll be able to do that?”
 
“Absolutely,” Jensen confirmed. “I don’t do it much behind the bar cause it’s
too busy, but I’ll teach you, if you want to learn it.”
 
“Awesome.” Jared bounced on his feet like a kid just being told he’ll get a toy
when he goes shopping. “I can’t wait to tell Sandy; she’s gonna go crazy.”
 
“You two are really good friends, huh?” Jensen asked as he replaced the bottles
and retrieved his beer from the counter.
 
“She’s my best friend,” Jared said fondly. “Has been since high school. You
won’t find a better person in the world.”
 
“And you two never hooked up?” Jensen asked cautiously; he wasn’t sure why, but
it was important to him that Jared said no, even though he knew Sandy wasn’t
any competition.
 
“What? Hell no,” Jared spluttered, choking slightly on the mouthful of beer
he’d just taken. “She’s like a sister to me. And anyway, I’ve never been
interested in girls like that.”
 
“Never? Not even when you were a kid?” Jensen asked, curious to find out
everything about Jared.
 
“It just—never came up, I guess,” Jared shrugged, his cheeks reddening
adorably.
 
“So you’ve only ever been with guys?” Jensen probed.
 
Jared swallowed and looked away. “Uh-huh,” he said and took a deep breath. “So,
how do I go about learning to juggle?”
 
Jensen frowned a little at the sudden change of subject, but he didn’t push any
further, it was obviously an uncomfortable topic for Jared, yet that only made
Jensen more curious.
 
“Well, I learned with beanbags when I was a kid,” Jensen explained. “That would
be a good way to start, and they don’t roll away from you when you drop them.”
 
“Okay, where can I get some of those from?” Jared asked eagerly.
 
“Tell you what,” Jensen suddenly had an idea. “I’ve got some at home. You can
borrow them if you want.”
 
“Really? Thanks, that would be awesome,” Jared said a little shyly. “You wanna
bring them to the next class?”
 
“Um, well—I could always bring them to your place, then I can give you a few
pointers without everyone watching,” Jensen said, nervous that Jared wouldn’t
want to give out his address. “It’s not something I teach in your class, I
usually keep it for the advanced class. But I think you can handle it.”
 
Jared beamed at the compliment. “Yeah, that’ll work. You got a pen?”
 
Jensen practically scrambled to get Jared a pen and paper, and Jared scrawled
down his address, handing it to him.
 
“So, I’ll bring them by tomorrow?” Jensen asked looking at the address.
 
“Okay, just not too early. It’s my day off, and I plan on sleeping in,” Jared
told him seriously.
 
“About ten?” Jensen suggested.
 
“As long as you bring coffee,” he said.
 
“I’ll do one better, I’ll bring breakfast.” Jensen grinned as Jared face lit
up.
 
“Waffles?” Jared asked hopefully.
 
“And pancakes?” Jensen suggested.
 
“Awesome.”
***** Chapter 4 *****
Part 4
 
Jared’s stomach was doing summersaults. He paced his living room and waited for
Jensen to turn up. He still couldn’t believe he’d given Jensen his address, but
it had just seemed like such a normal thing to do at the time.
 
He’d woken up a nine—unable to sleep any longer, his nerves forcing him
awake—showered, dressed, and quickly tidied up as best he could. He wasn’t a
messy person, and he didn’t own much so it wasn’t a difficult task, but he
didn’t want Jensen thinking he was a slob, so everything had to be perfect.
 
They’d stayed at the bar for hours after everyone else had left. Jensen tried
teaching him to roll a bottle down his arm and catch it in his hand, but Jared
couldn’t quite get it to roll all the way down, it tended to fall off before it
got to his elbow. Jared a broken two bottles – luckily they were using empty
ones—and apologised so much Jensen had forbidden him to use the word ‘sorry’
anymore.
 
Jared had enjoyed himself so much, they’d laughed until tears fell from their
eyes. Jared had gone through the bar’s CD collection, putting on different
songs and spurring heated arguments about which bands were better live. It had
been like they had been friends for years.
 
When they’d said goodnight, Jared had wanted Jensen to kiss him so badly, he
hadn’t cared about just being friends or getting to know each other; he just
wanted to feel Jensen close to him, to taste his lips, and melt into him. But
Jensen had been a perfect gentleman and had sent him away with a light touch to
the small of his back and a promise to see him tomorrow.
 
Jared looked at the clock on the microwave; it was five past ten. Jensen was
late. Worry wormed its way into Jared’s head and whispered evil thoughts about
Jensen changing his mind; that he wasn’t coming and didn’t really want to get
to know Jared at all.
 
Finally, there was a knock on the door, and Jared practically ran to answer it.
He forced himself to pause, brushed his hands down his front to smooth out his
shirt, and flicked his hair back. Okay, here goes nothing, he thought as he
pulled open the door.
 
“Hey,” he said shyly, watching Jensen fidget and look nervously up at him.
 
“Hey,” Jensen mimicked quietly. They stood and stared at each other for a
moment; Jared couldn’t help dragging his eyes over Jensen, taking in his tight
black tee and snug dark blue jeans that he just knew Jensen’s ass would look
fantastic in if he turned round.
 
“Hey,” Jared murmured again, and blushed when he noticed Jensen looking him
over too.
 
“You hungry?” Jensen asked suddenly, as though snapped out of a trance.
 
“Starving,” Jared said, and he knew it wasn’t food he was hungry for.
 
Jensen held up the bag in his hand and waved it in front of Jared’s face.
 
“Oh, right, sorry,” Jared stammered. “Come on in; I’ll get us some plates.”
 
Jared let Jensen past him and shut the door; he closed his eyes for a second
and cursed himself for being so embarrassing.
 
Soon they were sitting at the counter; plates full of the waffles and pancakes
Jensen had brought, just as he’d promised.
 
“God, these are delicious, where did you get them?” Jared moaned around a mouth
full of pancake.
 
“There’s this place called Ali’s near mine, sells the best breakfasts in
Seattle, and Ali’s a real nice girl,” Jensen explained, chuckling at Jared’s
enthusiastic eating habits.
 
“You go there a lot?” Jared asked, this time remembering to swallow his food
before speaking.
 
“Almost everyday,” Jensen nodded and picked up his coffee, groaning with
pleasure as it went down. Jared watched in fascination, his stomach clenching
at the sounds Jensen made and the look of ecstasy on his face. “They make the
best coffee too.”
 
“I’ll have to check it out some time,” Jared cleared his throat and forced
himself to look away, feeling his pants getting tighter so that he had to shift
on his stool to get more comfortable. He was really glad Jensen was sitting the
other side of the counter and couldn’t see his embarrassment.
 
“You should,” Jensen nodded in agreement. “You know, you could always go there
with me, sometime, we could, you know, have dinner, or something.”
 
Jared’s heart sped up, his skin flushed with heat. Did Jensen just ask me out
on a date?
 
“Um, yeah,” he squeaked. “I’d really like that, Jensen.” He was rewarded with a
blinding smile, and stared as the corners of Jensen’s eyes creased; he wished
he could make them do that all the time.
 
“Great, how about tomorrow?” Jensen suggested. “That or Wednesday ‘cause I’m
stuck working the rest of the week.”
 
“Oh, I’m working Wednesday night, but tomorrow’s good, I can totally do
tomorrow,” Jared insisted, nodding eagerly. He wanted to see as much of Jensen
as he could, now he’d gotten over his initial fear he was desperate to spend
time with the other man.
 
“Excellent, it’s a date.” Jensen paused, he looked sharply at Jared, as if he’d
just realised what he’d said. “I mean – do you – only if you want it to be – a
date?”
 
“Oh, um-” Jared’s throat closed up on him, he coughed to try and clear it. “Um,
okay. Yeah, okay, we could do that.”
 
He smiled shyly at Jensen who beamed at him, looking for all he was worth like
he’d just won the lottery.
 
“Okay, good,” Jensen smiled wider. “That’s good.” That deafening silence
descended on them and Jared squirmed on his stool. “Oh, hey. I got those
beanbags for you,” Jensen said suddenly. He leaned down – Jared’s eyes
following the line of his back at he stretched – and pulled up the other bag
he’d brought with him. Jared cleared away their empty plates before moving to
Jensen’s side to see what the bag contained.
 
Jensen pulled out four beanbags, Jared thought he could probably fit all four
into one hand but he didn’t test the theory. Then Jensen took out some plastic
bottles, like the ones they used in class.
 
“I got these too, so you can practice at home and move onto these when you feel
ready,” Jensen told him. “But I suggest you start with the bags first.”
 
Jared picked up the bags and tested their weight. “Okay, so, um, how does this
work?”
 
“Just start with one to begin with,” Jensen said, taking one of the bags from
Jared, their hands brushing so lightly it tickled Jared’s skin and he almost
pulled his hand away.
 
“How can I juggle with just one?” he asked.
 
“Look,” Jensen instructed and started throwing the bag from one hand to the
other, but his eyes never once landed on his hands, they stayed glued to the
air and tracked the bag as it went up. “You gotta keep you eyes up, see where
the beanbag is and catch it without looking.”
 
“Okay,” Jared said, doubting he’d be able to catch it if he wasn’t looking. But
he tried and found it easy to judge where the bag was going to fall and had his
hand there ready to catch it.
 
“Good,” Jensen said. “Now, this time I want you to use two. Throw them one
after the other, like this, crossing them in the air and catching them.” Jensen
demonstrated and after a couple of times Jared felt confident enough to give it
a go. This was slightly more difficult but Jared pulled it of without too much
trouble.
 
“This is easy so far,” Jared commented, happy that he hadn’t dropped anything
yet.
 
“Now it gets harder,” Jensen promised. He took another one of the beanbags from
Jared, held two in one hand and one in the other. “Hold them like this, then
you throw one of the ones in this hand –” he held up the hand with two beanbags
in it. “- then the one in the other hand and then the last one. Just try and do
it once, don’t try and continue it yet. Just throw them each once and catch
them, okay?”
 
Jared watched Jensen demonstrate for a moment, enjoying the way the muscles in
his arms flexed as he moved them, then he stopped him, took the beanbags off
him and held them in his hands as instructed.
 
“Okay, here goes nothing,” he murmured and took a deep breath to steady
himself.
 
The first two bags flew into the air and were making a good course back to his
waiting hands, but when he threw the third one, it went wild and ended up out
of his reach. Jared leaned to try and catch it but he missed by miles and it
landed with a soft thump on the floor.
 
“Told you it was harder,” Jensen chuckled as Jared picked the bag back up.
 
“Yeah, no shit,” Jared shot him an annoyed but playful look and tried again.
The bags were better on track this time but the Jared was concentrating so hard
to catching the third one he completely missed the second. “There’s just too
much to keep track of at the same time,” Jared complained.
 
“That’s why it takes practice,” Jensen explained, smirking slightly.
 
“Don’t laugh at me,” Jared pouted. “I’m a beginner.”
 
“I’m not laughing at you, I swear,” Jensen chuckled and Jared threw a beanbag
at him – which of course Jensen caught easily and threw it back, hitting Jared
on his head.
 
“Hey,” Jared protested and threw the remaining two bags in quick succession.
Jensen just batted them out the way and they both laughed hard.
 
“Come on, you’re supposed to be practicing,” Jensen picked up the bags and
tossed them gently to Jared.
 
“Yeah okay, stop distracting me,” Jared moaned but shot Jensen a cheeky grin.
 
 
“My arms are killing me,” Jared complained after about two hours. “And I’m
starving.”
 
“What? After that great big breakfast?” Jensen gaped at him. “Surely you can’t
be hungry already?”
 
“What? I’m a big boy,” Jared said in his defence and didn’t fail to notice the
darkening of Jensen’s eyes. “I mean, I’m tall and everything, in height. I’m
not exactly short—” he gave up digging himself a deeper hole and blushed
furiously. Jensen laughed heartily at his fluster but chose not to comment on
it, something for which Jared was eternally grateful.
 
“So, you wanna go get some lunch?” Jensen suggested hopefully.
 
“Absolutely.” Jared praised the gods for the change of subject and grabbed his
jacket, checking that his wallet and keys were in the pockets before heading
for the door. Jensen followed him with a smirk still attached to his lips. “My
treat, seeing as you got breakfast,” Jared insisted.
 
“That’s okay, you don’t have to buy me lunch,” Jensen argued, but Jared just
shot him a “shut up” look, and Jensen backed down. “Okay, thanks.”
 
“Anywhere you wanna go?” Jared asked once they were outside.
 
“You’re paying; you choose,” Jensen said, letting Jared lead the way.
 
“I know just the place,” Jared said without offering anymore information. He
bounced excitedly and took off at a quick pace; Jensen had to hurry to keep up
with his long legs.
 
They chatted comfortably as they walked, bumping shoulders occasionally. When
their hands brushed, Jared’s skin prickled as he fought the shiver threatening
to wrack his body.
 
“So, Sandy and Chris seem to be getting along well,” Jared said, casting a
glance over to Jensen to gauge his reaction. Jensen grinned.
 
“Yeah, I’m glad. They make a cute couple. Chris is a good guy, you don’t have
to worry about him hurting her,” Jensen told Jared, as if he’d read Jared’s
mind.
 
Jared knew Chris was a decent person, and he knew he shouldn’t be worried but
there was that nagging urge just to make sure. “I know,” Jared said. “It’s
just—Sandy doesn’t date often.”
 
“How come?” Jensen asked innocently.
 
“Oh, um—” Jared bit his lip; he’d said too much.
 
“Oh hey, don’t worry, man. It’s none of my business,” Jensen quickly rescued
him, and Jared was grateful.
 
“I know I shouldn’t worry about her as much as I do; Sandy’s ten times tougher
than I’ll ever be,” Jared tried to carry on as though he hadn’t slipped up. He
didn’t want to tell Jensen that Sandy didn’t date because guys didn’t like how
close she was to him. How Sandy would drop everything she was doing to go to
him if he called her, freaking out. They hated that sometimes Jared would turn
up at Sandy’s door in the early hours of the morning, and Sandy would lie on
the sofa with him while he cried himself to sleep. But Sandy never complained,
not once; she’d dumped many a guy because they’d called Jared a freak in front
of her, and that was something she wouldn’t stand for.
 
Jared loved Sandy; he always would, but he often wished he didn’t have to rely
on her so heavily. He constantly felt guilty that her life revolved around him.
She’d moved away from her home and her family to come and live with Jared in
Seattle, and to do so she’d told her parents she wanted to go to the college
there. So, they’d let her apply to Seattle U and the UW and were really excited
when she was accepted to her first choice of UW. She never once told anyone
where Jared was or that she even knew he was okay. Jared had asked her to keep
it a secret, and that’s exactly what she’d done. Sandy kept many secrets for
him, and he’d be eternally grateful.
 
“Oh, I don’t know,” Jensen said slyly, bringing Jared out of his musings. “I
seem to remember a certain someone knocking a sleaze flat on his ass because he
messed with Sandy. That makes you pretty tough in my book.”
 
Jared flushed and ducked his head. “You wanna know something?” he asked
sheepishly; Jensen nodded and fixed his gaze on Jared. “That was the first time
I’d ever hit anyone in my life.”
 
Jensen gawked at him in disbelief. “What, ever?” Jared nodded in the
affirmative, and Jensen shook his head in wonder. “Wow, that’s—wow. So, what
are you, some sort of pacifist?”
 
Jared laughed. “No, I’ve got nothing against someone getting a smack if they
deserve it; it’s just never been something I’ve been able to do before.” Jared
suddenly decided that this wasn’t a conversation he wanted to be having either.
Being friends with Jensen was going to be harder than he’d thought, there were
so many things he couldn’t tell him and wouldn’t want to even if he could voice
them; Jensen would probably run screaming if he knew.
 
“Wow, you must’ve lived a pretty perfect life, never having to fight anyone,”
Jensen said as though he were impressed and a little envious.
 
If only you knew! Jared thought miserably.
 
Jared looked away, a dark cloud spreading over his previous good mood. Luckily
he was saved by the sight of the café. Jared pointed to their destination.
“We’re here,” he told Jensen who had been frowning at him, studying him as if
he knew Jared was hiding something.
 
Hastily Jared opened the door for Jensen, and waited till he’d stepped inside
to follow.
 
“Well, lookie what we have here,” said a voice. Jared was surprised to see
Chris standing up from a booth and enveloping Jensen in a friendly hug; a jolt
of jealousy shot through Jared, but he shook it away and beamed when he saw
Sandy coming towards him.
 
“Hey girl, I didn’t know you were gonna be here,” he said, greeting her with a
hug and a kiss on the cheek, and wondered briefly if Jensen would be jealous
too.
 
“I don’t run my schedule past you, you know,” Sandy teased and kept a hand on
his arm. She waved to Jensen before shooting Jared a knowing look, causing
Jared to go a deep shade of red.
 
“You can talk,” he hissed in her ear and looked towards Chris, who was talking
with Jensen. This time, it was Sandy’s turn to blush and Jared stared at her
open mouthed. “You didn’t.” He could tell just by her expression that she’d
slept with Chris, that they hadn’t been apart since they’d left the bar the
night before.
 
Sandy beamed at him, bouncing on her heels, her eyes glowing with excitement.
Jared couldn’t help it, he wrapped his arms around her again and squeezed her
tight, so happy that Sandy had trusted Chris enough to be with him like that.
Sandy hugged him back just as hard.
 
“Do I need to have ‘the talk’ with him?” Jared teased, and Sandy smacked him
hard.
 
“Don’t you dare,” she hissed at him. “I really like this guy; don’t go scaring
him off, okay?”
 
Jared looked down, all jesting suddenly forgotten and his previous thoughts
flooding back into his head.
 
Sandy noticed immediately, and her face fell. “Oh, honey. I didn’t mean it like
that; you know I didn’t,” she said desperately.
 
“I know, it’s okay, Sand, don’t worry. I’ll try not to spoil it for you; I
promise,” Jared told her and swore to himself that it was true. He really liked
Chris, and he was happy for them.
 
“Hey,” Sandy nudged him, looking at him with a worried expression. “We okay?”
 
“Always,” Jared reassured her quickly, and he meant it; he’d never hold
anything against Sandy. He gave her one last quick squeeze before releasing her
and heading to the booth Jensen and Chris were sitting in.
 
“Hey,” Jensen smiled when Jared slid in next to him. “So, what’s good here?”
 
“Everything,” Sandy supplied, sitting next to Chris and moving to sit very
close to him. Jared could see Chris’s hand move to her knee under the table and
he fought the smile that itched to stretch his lips.
 
“What’ll ya have?” the waitress appeared by their table, note pad in hand and
pen poised at the ready.
 
Jared exchanged a glance with Sandy who just grinned, eye flashing. “We’ll have
two chicken burgers with everything but tomatoes, extra mayo and double fries,
please,” he told the waitress, who jotted it down and nodded. Then she looked
expectantly at Chris and Jensen who were staring at Jared and Sandy in
confusion.
 
“Um, I’ll have the cheese burger and small fries, please,” Jensen placed his
order.
 
“Sounds good, I’ll have the same, but with large fries and a side salad,” Chris
said, snapping the menu closed.
 
“You guys want coffee while you wait?” the waitress asked.
 
“We will,” Sandy said, indicating her and Jared.
 
“Yes please,” Chris and Jensen said at the same time. The waitress finished
noting everything down and left the table.
 
“You guys eat here often?” Jensen asked, staring at Jared and Sandy, an amused
expression on his face.
 
“All the time, why?” Jared asked.
 
Jensen and Chris laughed at the confused looks he and Sandy were giving them.
 
“Do you always order for each other?” Chris questioned with a chuckle.
 
“Oh.” Jared bit his lip and laughed.
 
“Yeah, we kinda do that a lot,” Sandy said meekly.
 
“People say we share a brain,” Jared explained.
 
“So long as that’s all you share,” Chris said and draped an arm over Sandy’s
shoulders; she snuggled closer to him, a happy smile on her face.
 
“I think you’re safe,” Jared laughed. “As much as I love her, she’s not quite
what I go for.”
 
“I can see that,” Chris smirked and flicked his eyes to Jensen, who blushed
beautifully at the unsaid accusation.
 
Jared smiled shyly at Jensen, his own cheeks burning. Then Jensen made an
unexpected move and placed his hand hesitantly over Jared’s on the table. Jared
was so shocked he just stared at their hands; he didn’t know what to do.
Looking up he met Sandy’s eyes a silently begged her for advice. Sandy smiled
at him and tilted her head in a slight nod. She was telling him to go for it;
that it would be okay.
 
Slowly and cautiously Jared turned his hand until his and Jensen’s palms were
touching and Jensen linked their fingers, giving Jared’s hand a little squeeze.
Jared’s heart was beating way too fast, he knew it was irrational to be
overwhelmed just by holding hands, but that’s how he felt; he’d never just held
hands with a guy before. Hell, he’d never even dated another guy before, not
since… This whole thing was so knew to him, and he was terrified.
 
Everyone made small talk around him, but all Jared could focus on was the warm
heat of Jensen’s hand and the slow movement of his thumb tracing circles into
Jared’s skin. When their food was placed in front of them, Jensen still didn’t
release his hand; instead he used his other hand to pick at his fries. Jared
did the same, his appetite no longer as strong as it had been just half an hour
previous. How could he focus on food when Jensen was holding his hand?
 
“I think we’re gonna need a crowbar, Sandy,” Chris joked, looking pointedly at
Jensen and Jared’s combined fingers. “At least so they don’t starve to death.”
 
Sandy smacked him in the chest. “Leave them alone; it’s sweet,” she scolded.
 
Jensen gave Jared’s hand a squeeze before untwining their fingers and releasing
his grip. Jared immediately felt the loss of Jensen’s warmth and just wanted to
grab his hand back and never let go; instead he smiled shyly and occupied his
hand by picking up his chicken burger.
 
While they ate their food, Chris talked about the band, telling them about the
other venues they played, and Sandy listened with wrapped attention.
 
“I swear, Jen here only keeps himself so busy behind the bar so he doesn’t have
to sing with us,” Chris said slyly, a second later he flinched and there was a
thud, Jared laughed when he realised Jensen had just kicked Chris under the
table.
 
“You sing?” Jared asked innocently.
 
“No,” Jensen said firmly.
 
“Oh, don’t let him sugar coat it; Jen’s a great singer, he just suffers from
stage fright,” Chris informed them, ignoring the deadly glares he was getting
from Jensen.
 
“Oh, I know how you feel,” Sandy commented sympathetically. “I tried to do a
show once in high school, do you remember, Jay? I had Jared rehearsing the
lines with me for weeks before the auditions, and when it got to my turn, I
stood up on that stage and couldn’t say a word; I was completely frozen solid.
Thus ending my great acting career.”
 
“So, how come you didn’t audition too?” Jensen asked Jared curiously. “I get
the impression you two did everything together.”
 
Sandy’s eyes widened, and Jared gulped hard on the bite of food he was chewing.
Jared forced a laugh, stretching his smile wide enough to hurt.
 
“Oh no, really not my thing,” Jared said, trying to keep his voice steady.
 
“How come?” Chris probed, and Jared winced.
 
“I wasn’t exactly what you’d call ‘outgoing’ in school,” Jared tried to
explain, without mentioning that he was the school’s punching bag, and that the
last thing he wanted was to put himself on show for more ridicule than he
already got. “I tended to stick to my studies.”
 
“Yeah, what did you study on college?” Jensen asked, honestly interested in
Jared’s life.
 
Jared looked at Sandy and the sympathetic apology he saw in her eyes broke his
heart; she was blaming herself for bringing up the topic of school, and now
Jared had to answer all the difficult questions he liked to avoid. But Jared
knew that by getting involved with Jensen he was going to have to go through
all this at some point; better now than later.
 
“I never went to college,” Jared said quietly.
 
“Why not, if you studied so hard in school?” Chris seemed oblivious to Jared’s
discomfort, but Jensen must have noticed because he took Jared’s hand where he
was clenching it in his lap. Jared thought he should lie; he should say he took
a year off and just never went back, or that he wanted to travel and ended up
here working for Tom, but when he looked into Jensen’s eyes he found himself
unable to lie to him.
 
“Because I never finished high school,” he said weakly, his voice cracking
slightly. He looked away, unable to bear the sympathetic curiosity on Jensen’s
face.
 
Jared waited, drowning in the stunned silence he’d caused. He knew the
inevitable question would come any second, and they would ask him why he didn’t
finish high school, what went wrong, why was he such a screw up?
 
“Oh crap, I’ve got to go,” Jensen said suddenly, looking at his watch. “I’ve
got tons of things to do before I have to open up tonight.”
 
“Oh, okay,” Jared said. He wondered if Jensen was just making an excuse, if
really he just wanted to get away from Jared. Jared slid out of the booth so
Jensen could get out.
 
“Walk me out?” Jensen asked Jared, holding his hand out, a hopeful expression
on his face.
 
“Sure,” Jared smiled and took his hand. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he told
Sandy and Chris.
 
Once they were outside the door Jensen turned to Jared, looking meekly at him.
 
“I’m sorry about that, sometimes Chris doesn’t know when to stop,” Jensen
apologised.
 
“Oh hey, don’t worry about it,” Jared waved away his apology, but on the inside
he was overjoyed. “It’s just not something I like to talk about much.”
 
“I get that, and it’s okay,” Jensen told him seriously. “But if you ever did
want to tell me, I’d listen.”
 
Jared smiled. How did Jensen get to be so wonderful? “Thanks,” he murmured.
 
“So, we still on for tomorrow?” Jensen asked, his face lighting up at the
mention of their date.
 
“Definitely,” Jared confirmed, pleased that Jensen still wanted to go with him.
 
“Cool, I’ll pick you up around seven?” Jensen queried.
 
“Seven sounds perfect,” Jared grinned.
 
Jensen still hadn’t let go of his hand, and Jared held on to it like a
lifeline, afraid that if he let go Jensen would run as far away from him as
possible, and Jared honestly didn’t think he could handle that rejection.
 
Jensen stepped closer, tugging gently on Jared’s hand, urging him to do the
same. They were standing so close their chests were almost touching; Jared
could feel Jensen’s breath on his face sending tingling sensations through his
body.
 
“So, tomorrow then,” Jensen almost whispered.
 
“Yeah, seven o’clock,” Jared nodded and leaned toward Jensen a little.
 
“I’m looking forward to it,” Jensen licked his lips, and Jared followed the
move with wide eyes.
 
“Me too,” Jared left his lips parted and felt Jensen’s hand fall onto his hip,
softly caressing the skin there.
 
A group of teenagers pushed past them, trying to get into the café, and they
were forced apart.
 
They chuckled a little when they came back together, but this time they didn’t
touch, the moment was broken.
 
“Tomorrow,” Jensen said firmly.
 
“Tomorrow,” Jared agreed.
 
Then Jensen was gone; Jared watched his back until he disappeared round the
corner, but Jensen did turn back, taking one last look at Jared before waving
goodbye and leaving.
 
Jared bounded back into the café, remembering that he still had to pay the bill
and that Sandy and Chris were waiting for him. He was grinning so hard when he
returned to the booth that Sandy’s worried expression melted away immediately.
All thoughts of school, college, and failures forgotten.
 
Chris and Sandy appeared to be very cosy together, so Jared quickly excused
himself, paid the bill for his and Jensen’s food, and left them to it, kissing
Sandy on the cheek and whispering in her ear for her to behave herself.
 
Sandy smacked him, but grinned and he left. Jared smiled too, really glad to
see Sandy so happy.
 
***
 
Jensen paced outside Jared’s door. He’d been there ten minutes already, but
still hadn’t summoned up the nerve to knock. He looked down at himself once
again, smoothing out invisible creases from his blue and white checked shirt.
He should have worn the green one; everyone always told him he looked good in
green. Should he have worn slacks instead of jeans? No, they weren’t going to a
dressy place, but it was a date so dressy casual was good. He looked good; he
was sure he did.
 
Taking a deep breath, he raised his fist and finally knocked on the door. He
fidgeted from one foot to the other while he waited for Jared to answer. He
couldn’t wait to see the Jared; he’d been excited about their date all day, and
Steve had taken great pleasure in teasing him for it. Chris was still no where
to be seen; Jensen assumed he was still with Sandy.
 
From the other side of the door Jensen heard a thud, a crash, and some muffled
curses. He smiled. Looks like I’m not the only one who’s nervous.
 
Finally, the door opened, and Jensen caught his breath when he saw Jared. He
wore faded blue jeans and a black, long-sleeved tee that hugged his body.
Jensen found his eyes tracing the defined muscles that showed through the
material and longed to reach out and touch them.
 
“Wow, you look amazing,” Jensen choked on his own words and smiled endearingly
when Jared blushed.
 
“You look pretty amazing yourself,” Jared said shyly, his eyes skimming up and
down Jensen’s body.
 
“Thanks,” Jensen smiled. They stood in an awkward silence for a moment. “You
ready to go?” Jensen asked quickly.
 
“Um, yeah, lead the way.”
 
 
The diner wasn’t far and within half an hour they were seated with their orders
in front of them.
 
“Wow, this looks great,” Jared commented as he practically salivated over his
steak. Jensen just chuckled and chose not to say “I told you so.”
 
“So, I haven’t seen Chris for a while, is he still hanging out with Sandy?”
Jensen chose to ask instead, starting them off on familiar and friendly ground.
 
“You know, I haven’t seen Sandy either, so I’d say it’s a fair bet that they’re
still holed up somewhere,” Jared said waggling his eyebrows and sticking his
tongue between his teeth.
 
Jensen watched Jared’s pink tongue get squashed between his white teeth and
licked his lips absently.
 
Clearing his throat, he stared at his food. “I sense love in the air,” he
smiled, knowing that Jared was just as happy for Chris and Sandy as he was.
 
“It’s about time; Sandy could use some loving in her life,” Jared said after
swallowing a mouthful of steak. “If there’s anyone that deserves it, it’s her!”
 
“What about you?” Jensen probed, staring at Jared, so he didn’t miss his
reaction.
 
“What about me what?” Jared asked, confused.
 
“You ever been in love?”
 
“Oh,” Jared paused, frowning into his beer before taking a loud, deep gulp. “I
thought I was—once—a long time ago.” His eyes rose to meet Jensen’s, and Jensen
gasped at the overwhelming sadness he saw buried in there, along with a fair
mixture of pain, and was that—fear?
 
“Got burned huh?” Jensen said knowingly; he knew just how that felt.
 
“You could say that,” Jared said quietly. Jared’s knuckles whitened around his
beer bottle, and Jensen winced, hoping he wouldn’t break it.
 
“What happened?” he asked cautiously, but curious to find out who it was that
had hurt Jared so badly.
 
“He just—” Jared stared at the table, his eyes haunted as though he was staring
into the past. “He wasn’t the person I thought he was,” Jared finished, his
voice quivering so badly Jensen reached out and took the hand that didn’t have
a death grip on the beer bottle.
 
“I know how that goes,” he said sympathetically. Jared glanced up, his eyes
swimming with tears and Jensen really wanted to ask more, but Jared jumped on
the change of focus.
 
“You were in love once?” Jared sat up straighter, drained the rest of his beer,
and finally let go of the bottle, but his fingers still gripped Jensen’s hand
tightly, and Jensen revelled in the touch.
 
“I guess you could call it love; I don’t think I’ll ever know if it was
returned though,” Jensen frowned and prodded his food with his fork. “I think
maybe I wanted it to be love, so I tried harder to make it that. Does that make
sense?”
 
“More than you know,” Jared nodded wistfully, and then he stared into Jensen’s
eyes seriously. “But I can tell you for sure, that just trying to make it real
doesn’t make it happen. Staying just makes it worse and more painful, and the
longer it goes on the harder it is to leave.”
 
Jensen studied Jared, who smiled sadly at him before turning his attention to
his dinner. This wasn’t what Jensen had in mind when he’d asked Jared on a
date; he hadn’t intended it to be a painful trip down memory lane, so he
decided now was the best time to change the subject.
 
“So, how’s the juggling going?” Jensen asked.
 
Jared looked up at him and grinned, obviously very grateful for the change in
conversation.
 
“I’ve broken one lamp, knocked over two drinks, and almost cooked one when it
landed on the stove while I was cooking my dinner last night,” Jared reeled off
his failures. He released Jensen’s hand so he could demonstrate wildly with his
arms.
 
“Jesus Jared, you really are lethal aren’t you?” Jensen laughed, pleased when
he saw that twinkle in Jared’s eyes return.
 
“But, I have managed to catch them, the accidents mostly happened when I tried
to take it further,” Jared admitted only making Jensen laugh harder.
 
“Maybe we should make you practice in a wide open space; save the breakables,”
Jensen suggested with a mischievous grin.
 
“Oh yeah, so all the passers by can laugh at me too,” Jared sulked, pouting his
lips in a way that went straight to Jensen’s groin. Jensen swallowed, hard, and
cleared his throat.
 
“So, you um, want desert?” he asked when he noticed their plates were empty.
 
“Of course, you can’t have a dinner without desert; it’s the best part of the
meal,” Jared said incredulously.
 
Jensen’s heart leapt as he watched Jared bounce in his seat, grab the menu and
start scanning the deserts, his mouth practically drooling at the options.
 
“Urgh, I can’t decide,” Jared moaned. “I really like the sound of the blueberry
cheesecake, but the chocolate gateau is just a classic after dinner treat.”
 
“Tell you what, why don’t we get both, and we can share?” Jensen suggested, and
Jared’s face lit up like a kid who was just told he could get both toys from
the store.
 
“Deal,” Jared agreed, and they stared at each other happily for a moment before
Jensen raised his hand and signalled the waitress over.
 
In no time, they had the two deserts between them, and Jared was digging in
with enthusiasm. Jensen just watched as Jared shoved a forkful of the chocolate
gateau into his mouth, groaning around the cutlery and pulling it out
agonisingly slowly, sucking off every last remnant of chocolate. Jensen’s
breath became short as Jared’s tongue came out to sweep across his lips, his
eyes closed in ecstasy, and Jensen’s hand gripped his napkin hard enough to
feel his nails digging into his skin through it.
 
Jared looked up and saw Jensen watching him. He blushed and gave an embarrassed
smile.
 
“What?” he asked.
 
“You really love your deserts, don’t you?” Jensen choked out.
 
“Hell yeah; this is delicious,” Jared nodded enthusiastically. “Here, we’re
supposed to be sharing. Try some.” Before he knew what was happening, Jared was
leaning over the table and shoving a forkful of gateau into Jensen’s mouth.
Jensen gaped around the mound of desert and struggled to get it all into his
mouth and not on it; it didn’t help that he was trying not to laugh and spit it
all out again.
 
Jared laughed out loud and continued to hold the fork in Jensen’s mouth until
he had managed to close his mouth around it, and then he slowly pulled it out
past his lips. Their eyes locked on each other, all laughter stopped, and the
air became charged. Jared’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his gaze
flicking from Jensen’s mouth to his eyes.
 
“Um, I’m just gonna—use the restroom,” Jared said suddenly and dashed from the
table. Jensen watched him go in confusion. Had Jensen spooked him? Jensen had
thought they were getting along great. Jensen sighed, and ate some of the
blueberry cheesecake, it was really good. Jared would love it.
***** Chapter 5 *****

Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse of an under-age
Jared.
===============================================================================
Part 5
 
Jared barged into the bathroom and immediately locked himself in one of the
stalls. He looked down at himself, the large bulge in his jeans clearly showing
his painful erection. Just watching Jensen eat from that fork, seeing his
pupils dilate when he focused on Jared, Jesus, he was hard in seconds.
 
Jared tried to will it away, desperately wanting it gone, but Jensen’s face
kept flashing into his mind, his lips smeared with chocolate, and his eyes
boring into Jared’s. Jared’s breath came in pants and gasps as he stared up at
the ceiling, trying to think of anything to calm himself down, but his dick
just kept pushing at the fabric of his pants, begging for some release.
 
Fuck! Jared hit the back of his head against the stall wall. With a shaky hand
he palmed himself through his jeans, his dick jumped into the touch eagerly,
and pleasure shot through Jared’s body. Jared groaned and rubbed himself,
Jensen invading his mind, making him even harder.
 
Reluctantly, Jared’s trembling fingers popped the button on his jeans and
slowly lowered the zipper; he pulled the material aside until his cock sprang
from its confines causing Jared to shiver at the sudden cold air on it.
 
Jared sobbed as he slowly wrapped his hand around his length, gasping at the
sudden sensation. He never did this, he never masturbated, not if he could help
it, but he couldn’t hide out here forever waiting for it to go away, Jensen was
waiting for him, and what would Jared do if he came looking for him?
 
Tentatively, he slid his fist up, his legs shaking with need and anxiety. He
moved his hand down again, gradually speeding up his movements. He did nothing
else to get himself off, he just kept up the rhythm and focused on Jensen’s
image in his mind. Slowly, he could feel his climax building, and he willed it
to be over already.
 
“That’s it, Jared, touch yourself for me, there’s a good boy.”
 
Oh God no, please God no. Jared squeezed his eyes closed and prayed this wasn’t
happening. Jensen! Think of Jensen, he ordered himself. But the voice in his
head didn’t relent.
 
“No, no, no, don’t stop now, you’re doing so well. You look amazing getting
yourself off for me. Open your eyes, Jared. Look at me while you fuck your own
fist, I want you to focus on me and only me, whenever you come you’re gonna see
my face.”
 
Jared’s eyes flew open, he wanted to pull his hand away from himself, but his
climax was so close, begging him to give it release, not to suppress it like he
normally did. Tears fell down his face, and he continued to pump himself, just
as he’d been taught to.
 
“Yeah, baby boy, that’s good isn’t it? Doesn’t it feel good?” Jared nodded, his
eyes focused, just as he’d been told to, his hand moving faster and faster and
his breathing becoming laboured. “God, I can’t take watching you like this,
it’s too much. Get on your knees.”
 
Jared could do nothing but obey, he sank to his knees and waited for the rock
hard cock to be shoved in his face. When it appeared he didn’t even wait to be
told, he knew what was expected of him. He opened his mouth and nearly choked
when it was forced to the back of his throat. But he quickly swallowed and
opened his throat, knowing he wasn’t allowed to gag.
 
“Oh, baby boy, you’re so good at this now. Didn’t I teach you well? Come on,
don’t stop, I wanna see you come before you drink me.” Jared’s grip tightened
on his cock, struggling to concentrate on himself while his mouth was being
fucked raw.
 
“Oh fuck, Jared, good boy, there’s my good boy. Opened wide for me. I just
might have to fuck you after this; you’d like that wouldn’t you?” Jared forced
his tears not to fall; forced himself to nod around his mouthful.
 
“Now, come for me.” Just as ordered Jared let himself go, not wanting the mad
response he’d get if he didn’t.
 
Jared came into his hand; he didn’t make a sound, biting his lip hard enough to
draw blood as he tried to suppress his sobs, the wrong face flashing before his
eyes, no matter how hard he tried to think of Jensen, he just refused to appear
in Jared’s head; Jared’s memory beating away the happy thoughts and replacing
them with the images of his nightmares.
 
Jared sank to the ground, his body shaking violently as silent tears streamed
down his cheeks. But his mind wouldn’t let go, it wouldn’t end it there, and he
was still assaulted with images and memories; his throat becoming sore as
though the nightmare was manifesting.
 
“Oh yeah, Jared.” Strong hands gripped his hair and his mouth was pounded into.
“I’m gonna fuck you so good after this; you’ve been such a good boy; you
deserve a treat.” Jared clenched his fists at his sides and took everything
that was given. “Suck harder.” He sucked harder. “Come on, baby boy, suck me,
suck me good and proper.” Jared sucked him; he used his tongue just as he’d
been told, and his heart pounded faster at the moans and groans he heard from
above.
 
“Uh, keep going, baby boy, nearly there—fuck—that’s it. God your mouth, so hot
and wet, opening up so willingly for me. And only for me, isn’t that right,
boy?” The hands in his hair clenched painfully, his jaw screamed its agony, and
he had to force his eyes to stay looking up, not to squeeze them closed and try
to shut it all out.
 
“I hope—you’re thirsty.” That was the only warning he got before he was being
forced to swallow copious amounts of come; it shot down his throat as the cock
continued to fuck his mouth.
 
When it finally pulled out, Jared allowed himself to slide down so he was
sitting on the floor. His hand covered in his come, his trousers still round
his ankles, but he knew he wasn’t allowed to pull them up yet, he had to remain
on display until told. The body in front of him moved down to join him. Without
having to be told, Jared moved to lean back into the waiting arms, and allowed
himself to be held, a hand stroking in his hair.
 
“Ah, Jared. You were amazing, as always. Good boy, I’ll make sure you’re
properly rewarded for all your hard work.” Jared fought the shiver that promise
stirred in him. “I love you, Jared. Never forget that.”
 
“I love you, too,” Jared said automatically, knowing he’d only cause upset if
he didn’t, but the words burned in his throat, bile rising up to tease him. He
swallowed it down, leaned his head against the panting chest behind him and let
the arms embrace him. He closed his eyes as kisses were pressed into his hair.
 
“I know you do, baby boy, I know you do. And you always will.”
 
Jared turned on the ground so he was on his knees, and gagged into the
porcelain bowl next to him, his body threatening to bring up everything he’d
just eaten. Hot tears stung his eyes and he fought to keep them back; he’d
cried enough already.
 
He sighed in relief when his stomach stopped clenching and thanked God that he
hadn’t actually thrown up; he had no mints or anything to disguise the smell,
and he didn’t want Jensen to think he was bulimic or something.
 
Jared rolled off some toilet paper and wiped his trembling hand clean. I can’t
go out there like this, he’s gonna ask what’s wrong, and what am I supposed to
say? God, why did this have to happen? Things were going so well, why did I
have to go and screw it all up?
 
Desperately, Jared groped in his pocket and retrieved his cell, he punched
speed dial one and waited nervously for an answer.
 
“Jared?” the concerned voice asked. “Aren’t you supposed to on your date with
Jensen?”
 
“Talk to me, Sand?” Jared begged, his voice shaking harder than he knew it
would.
 
“Oh, Jay, what happened?” Sandy asked, panic evident in her voice. Then there
was another voice in the background, Jared heard Sandy tell the person
something before coming back. “It’s okay, Jay. Tell me what happened?”
 
“Who’s there with you?” Jared asked, hoping against hope that it was just Tom.
 
“It’s okay, it’s just Chris,” Sandy told him, and Jared cursed himself. He was
doing it again, getting in the way of her relationship.
 
“Oh Sand, I’m sorry, I should have known you were busy,” Jared apologised.
“Don’t worry okay, I just freaked a little and needed to hear your voice, but
I’m fine now,” he lied.
 
“Are you sure?” Sandy asked sceptically. “You don’t sound fine. Listen, Chris
is fine, he’s gone to make a phone call anyway.”
 
Sandy’s reassurance calmed him down slightly, and Jared gave in.
 
“It was all going so well, Sand. We were getting along great, and I really like
him, you know?” Jared said sorrowfully.
 
“Did he—did he do something, Jared?” Sandy said sternly, her tone clearly not
taking bullshit for an answer.
 
“No, no nothing like that,” Jared promised. “He’s perfect, better than perfect.
Sometimes I feel like he can see right into me, you know?”
 
“Good, ‘cause I’d hate to have to kick his ass,” Sandy joked, and Jared felt a
smile spread over his lips. Sandy could always cheer him up, even without
trying. “So, what’s the problem?” she asked gently.
 
“Why do I have to be such a freak? Why can’t I just be attracted to a guy
without—without—‘things’ getting in the way?” Jared asked, knowing that Sandy
would know that his memories had just assaulted him from what he’d said, she
knew him so well.
 
“Is it over?” she asked softly.
 
“Yeah, I think so,” Jared nodded, even though she couldn’t see him.
 
“Okay honey, that’s good. Where are you?”
 
“In the restroom, at the diner,” Jared cringed.
 
“Oh God, is he waiting for you?” Sandy gasped, suddenly realising how
devastating it was for Jared.
 
“Yeah,” Jared croaked. “What am I gonna do, Sand? I’m a mess.”
 
“It’s okay, you just have to calm down,” she told him. “Go wash your face, cold
water on your eyes to get the puffiness down.
 
“Okay,” Jared agreed and took a deep breath. “Thanks Sand, I’m really sorry for
bugging you.”
 
“Jay, you never have to apologies, you know that,” Sandy reassured, and Jared
loved her even more.
 
 
Jensen was just about to go and check on Jared when his phone rang. He fished
it out of his jeans and answered it.
 
“Hey, Jen. So, what’ve you done to him?” Chris’s voice came over the line.
 
“Huh? Chris, are you drunk?” Jensen said into the phone.
 
“No, man. Well, maybe a little bit but that’s not the point,” Chris confessed.
“Aren’t you with Jared at the moment?”
 
“Yeah, he’s in the can, what about it?” Jensen frowned, why was Chris asking
about Jared?
 
“Yeah, well he’s on the phone to Sandy right now and from the sounds of it he’s
upset about something,” Chris told him.
 
“Shit,” Jensen cursed. He knew there was something wrong, the way Jared had
bolted like that. “What did he say?”
 
“Not a clue, I just heard Sandy asking him what was wrong, then I left ‘em to
it,” Chris explained, his voice sounded concerned. “I know she’s really
protective of him; she gave me a grilling about you a while ago.”
 
“She did? Well I kinda understand that; Jared did the same thing about you in a
way,” Jensen said. “I mean, they are best friends, and they’re really close.”
 
“So, you haven’t done anything? I shouldn’t be rushing to defend you from her?
‘Cause, dude, that could get awkward,” Chris asked, and Jensen chuckled.
 
“You scared of your girlfriend?” Jensen teased.
 
“Yeah, man. This girl don’t take no crap, if you know what I mean. It’s one of
the things I like about her,” Chris said happily before getting serious again.
“So you’re innocent?”
 
“As far as I know. Jared did seem a little weird when he went to the bathroom,
and he’s been a while,” Jensen started to worry again.
 
“Well, look out for him, okay. I still think there’s something wrong with that
kid,” Chris warned. “Don’t get me wrong, I like him, he’s really cool, but he’s
got issues, you know?”
 
Jensen did know; he could tell there was something, maybe a lot of things Jared
was hiding, but he didn’t care about that. Sure he was curious, but he didn’t
care about Jared’s past; he just wanted to know who Jared was now. However,
Jensen didn’t have time to think on it any more because he saw Jared making his
way back to the table.
 
“Oh hey, I gotta go; he’s coming back,” Jensen hissed into the phone.
 
“Alright buddy, have a good night,” Chris said cheerily.
 
“Yeah, you too; bye Chris,” Jensen smiled, knowing Chris would most likely have
a very good night if he was still with Sandy.
 
“Hey,” Jared said quietly as he sat down. His face looked a little flushed, and
he appeared nervous.
 
“Hey, you okay? You were in there a while,” Jensen asked cautiously; the last
thing he wanted to do was make Jared bolt again.
 
“Yeah, I’m good,” Jared nodded and picked up his fork. Jensen noticed he didn’t
eat anything; he just prodded at the desert in front of him.
 
Jensen wanted to ask more, but more than anything he wanted Jared to feel
comfortable around him. He saw the slight shake of Jared’s hand as he stabbed
into a blueberry and made a decision.
 
“Hey, you wanna get out of here?” he asked suddenly. Jared’s head shot up as
though he hadn’t been expecting Jensen to speak, but his shoulders relaxed and
a small smile formed on his lips.
 
“Yeah, that’d be good,” Jared nodded, and Jensen grinned.
 
“Okay, just let me get the bill and we’ll go,” Jensen said rising from his
seat.
 
Jared followed him to the counter and Jensen pulled out his wallet.
 
“You’re not paying for all of it; we’ll split it even,” Jared insisted.
 
“Oh, no you don’t. I invited you to dinner, so it’s only right that I pay,”
Jensen held up his hand to ward off any other argument and smiled when Jared
nodded slowly.
 
“Thank you,” Jared murmured.
 
“Anytime,” Jensen replied and sent Jared a warm smile.
 
 
In no time, they were outside, and Jared wrapped his jacket tighter around him
to ward off the chilly breeze. They began walking aimlessly down the street,
and Jared felt all of the tenseness he’d had in the diner just slip away. He
was amazed at how Jensen could do that; no one had ever made him feel that
safe, that comfortable, no one except Sandy.
 
“So, where do you wanna go?” Jensen asked; he brushed up against Jared’s
shoulder, and Jared unconsciously leaned into the touch.
 
“Do you think maybe we could just walk for a bit?” Jared asked quietly. He had
no idea what people did on dates; he’d never been on one before, but he knew he
wasn’t ready to go to a crowded bar, yet he definitely didn’t want the night to
end.
 
“Yeah sure; we could do that,” Jensen agreed.
 
Jared had never really just walked in Pioneer Square, he’d always been too
nervous to go out alone at night. Sure he’d go to the bars with Sandy and Tom,
but he never really took in the sights or just enjoyed the company of another
person, and even though they weren’t actually saying anything, Jared was really
enjoying Jensen’s company.
 
They found themselves on a wide, cobbled street, art galleries in many of the
buildings either side of them. Jared found himself drawn to the window of one
of the galleries and pressed his nose against it, peering inside to get a look
at the beautiful art that adorned the walls and were displayed on easels.
 
“I’ve never been here before,” Jared said and his breath ghosted against the
glass window.
 
“To Occidental Park? Really? And how long have you lived here?” Jensen asked,
surprised.
 
Jared glanced at him, biting his lip in embarrassment. “Four years,” he said
almost apologetically.
 
“Oh Jay, you’ve been missing out,” Jensen told him and peered through the
window with him. “You should come here when the artists have all their booths,
it’s amazing.”
 
Jared watched Jensen’s eyes sparkle as he spoke and wished he could see things
through his eyes, to see how Jensen saw the world. He wondered vaguely if it
was as jaded as Jared saw it.
 
“You come here a lot?” Jared asked as he moved away from the window so they
could resume their walk.
 
“Not so much now, but when I first moved here I liked to come here, just to
people watch.” Jensen caught up with Jared’s long legs.
 
“You haven’t always lived here?” Jared asked; he was surprised, he had assumed
that Jensen had always lived in Seattle.
 
“No, I’m from Dallas originally,” Jensen said, although there was a hint of
regret in his voice.
 
“You’re from Texas? I can’t hear an accent in your voice,” Jared told him, and
he wondered if he’d been listening properly.
 
“Nah, I lost it a while ago, but it still comes out when I get drunk,” Jensen
laughed and let his voice fall into the familiar drawl. “You’re from Texas too,
right?”
 
“Guess I still have my accent, huh?” Jared shrugged, and Jensen nudged him with
his shoulder.
 
“I like it,” Jensen said softly. “Kinda reminds me of home, or at least the
good bits. So, where about in Texas are you from?”
 
“San Antonio,” Jared heard himself say, it confused him how easily he let
information slip around Jensen, it was like he’d tell him everything if he just
asked.
 
“What made you move all the way out here?” Jensen queried, and Jared shrugged.
 
“Needed a change of scenery, I guess.” Okay, so maybe not everything would slip
out easily.
 
“Yeah, me too,” Jensen said wistfully. “Hey, you wanna, maybe, grab a beer?”
 
“Yeah, I would actually,” Jared laughed, a beer sounded perfect just about
then.
 
“Awesome, I know just the place,” Jensen beamed and grabbed Jared’s hand,
dragging him down the street.
 
Jared smiled at the gentle but firm grip Jensen kept on his hand. He was fast
getting used to the small display of affection. It didn’t feel possessive, like
he was being claimed or controlled, it filled him with a sense of belonging, of
connecting, it was a new sensation but a welcome one and one he hoped he’d get
to experience more.
 
When Jensen stopped suddenly, Jared was so lost in thought that he walked right
into him. Jensen stumbled forward, loosing his footing. Quickly, Jared shot out
his arm and wrapped it around Jensen’s waist, pulling him back against him,
their other hands still with their fingers entwined.
 
“Sorry,” Jared said, holding Jensen while he steadied himself.
 
“Thanks.” Jensen leaned back into Jared and turned his head to look at him.
 
Jared stared into Jensen’s eyes, watching them gleam in the street lights; he
felt Jensen’s fingers tighten on his, slowly bringing their arms round to rest
on his belly. Now Jared was effectively cuddling Jensen, holding him against
his body.
 
Jensen’s smile was small and shy, and Jared felt the overwhelming urge to hold
him closer, to keep him safe like he was something precious.
 
This was also new. Jared was used to being the one that needed protecting, him
being the weak one. But with Jensen gazing up at him, snuggled into his
embrace, he felt strong, in control. He instinctively squeezed tighter and was
rewarded with a wider smile and a groan of contentment.
 
He watched Jensen close his eyes and lean his head against Jared’s chest, and
in that one moment, everything was perfect.
 
“We’re here,” Jensen said softly, he didn’t make any attempt to move, he didn’t
even open his eyes.
 
For a few moments Jared couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jensen’s peaceful
face, he looked just like he had when he’d been immersed in Chris and Steve’s
music. Beautiful.
 
Jensen opened his eyes and blinked up at Jared. “Jay, we’re here,” he repeated.
 
Now Jared raised his head to take in their surroundings, he saw that they were
in front of a dark building, the windows were shuttered and there was no sign
of life. When Jared shot Jensen a confused glance, Jensen grinned widely.
 
“Best kept secret in Seattle,” he said, proud that he knew about it and could
share it with Jared.
 
Then Jensen moved out of Jared’s arms, but kept a solid hold on his hand and
although Jared missed the closeness of him, he was relieved that Jensen hadn’t
broken contact completely.
 
Jensen opened the door—almost hidden from view as it had no window and was the
same colour as the walls around it—and a dim light shone onto the dark street,
accompanied by soft music. Smiling at Jared, Jensen tugged on his hand and led
him into the building, closing the door firmly behind them.
 
“Wow,” Jared said in wonder. They were in a small bar; it wasn’t crowded even
though there were plenty of people there, and most were seated in small groups
or couples. They talked and laughed with each other, and those that raised a
glance in Jensen and Jared’s direction just smiled and went back to what they
were doing. Jared also noticed that there were a lot of same sex-couples, men
and women, as well as straight ones.
 
“It’s something, isn’t it?” Jensen said, smiling widely as he led Jared to the
bar.
 
“Hey, Jensen. Haven’t seen you in a while, how are you?” the beautiful dark-
haired woman behind the bar greeted them.
 
“I’m doing good, Sophia. How are you?” Jensen replied and leaned across the bar
to place a kiss on her cheek.
 
“Oh you know me, I’m always good,” Sophia beamed and immediately cracked open a
couple of beers.
 
“And how’s Kris?” Jensen took the beers with a nod and handed one to Jared.
 
“She’s awesome. She’s due in a couple of weeks, can you believe it?” Sophia
literally glowed. “We’re gonna be mommies. I can’t wait!”
 
“God, that’s gone fast; has it really been that long?” Jensen asked, surprised.
 
“Yes it has, and if you don’t see her before she gives birth, she’s gonna be
mega pissed at you,” Sophia warned.
 
“I’ll make a point of it, I promise,” Jensen swore and they grinned at each
other.
 
“So?” Sophia said pointedly.
 
“So, what?” Jensen asked with a frown.
 
“So—aren’t you going to introduce me?” Sophia chuckled and indicated to
Jensen’s hand which was still linked to a very bewildered-looking Jared’s.
 
“Oh, sorry. Sophia, this is Jared. Jared, this is my friend Sophia. She runs
this bar,” Jensen made the introductions.
 
“Best kept secret in Seattle,” Sophia boasted proudly.
 
“So I’ve heard,” Jared said with a small smile. He bit his lip nervously as
Sophia appraised him.
 
“Aww, he’s adorable, Jensen. You make sure and keep this one; he’s much nicer
than—”
 
“Yeah, thanks, Soph,” Jensen cut in and started dragging Jared away, raising
his beer to Sophia, who watched them go with a smile.
 
Jared was blushing when Jensen found them a table, not having expected such
nice compliments from a complete stranger. Sure he got compliments and come-ons
all the time at Tom’s, but he just figured that was people trying to get free
drinks. He felt like he should be pinching himself just to make sure he really
was here, with Jensen, and that Jensen sincerely appeared to like him, more
than just as a friend.
 
Jared wondered who Sophia had been talking about, and why Jensen had cut her
off so suddenly, but when Jensen scooted over to sit incredibly close to him,
he lost his train of thought and could only concentrate on the heat that
radiated from Jensen’s thigh as it rubbed against his.
 
“So—um—this is a gay bar?” Jared asked, wanting to kick himself for such a
stupid comment, especially when Jensen laughed.
 
“You’d think so, wouldn’t you?” Jensen squeezed his hand and explained, “But
no, everyone comes here, but it’s not specifically a gay or straight bar. But
Soph and Kris like to keep their place pretty quiet; they had some trouble a
few years ago with people not liking the bar being run by a female couple. So,
they took it out of the limelight. They’ve got a lot of loyal locals though,
and they always seem to turn a profit, so they’re happy.”
 
“It’s nice; I like it,” Jared told him, letting his gaze drift around the room.
 
“I thought you would,” Jensen said and ran his thumb over Jared’s hand.
 
 
They stayed in the bar long after it closed, and Sophia joined them for a few
drinks after she’d locked the doors. Jared hadn’t laughed so hard in years.
Jensen and Sophia had many stories of drunken nights spent in the bar after
closing, and they kept Jared entertained easily.
 
Jared told a few of his own stories about himself, Sandy, and Tom but he didn’t
have as many as they appeared to have. “Perks of being in the business” Jensen
told him, and Jared frowned; he was in the business too, was he really that
different from everyone else?
 
Eventually, Sophia said she had to kick them out and get home to Kris before
she fell asleep; it turned out that the couple lived above the bar, so any
fears Jared had about leaving her on her own were waved away.
 
“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” Jensen said when they were outside, once again
taking Jared’s hand.
 
“Oh, you don’t have to,” Jared told him, feeling kind of embarrassed at being
walked home.
 
“Yes, I do, I asked you out, so it’s only right I take you home,” Jensen
grinned. “It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.”
 
“Jensen, you do know I’m not a girl, right?” Jared joked and Jensen pulled him
in to wrap an arm around his waist.
 
“I noticed that, yeah,” he smirked, right before he pressed a kiss onto Jared’s
jaw. Jared was stunned for a second; that had been the last thing he’d been
expecting. But Jensen just pulled away, taking his hand again and leading the
way home.
 
Jared didn’t remember any of the walk home, he was vaguely aware of Jensen
talking to him, but all he could focus on was the feel of Jensen’s lips against
his jaw, they’d been so soft, and a little bit moist, and now Jensen’s lips
were gone and the air rushed in to replace them the area had felt chilled. But
most of all, it had felt nice and Jared couldn’t help the giddy bounce it put
in his step.
 
Suddenly, they were climbing the stairs of Jared’s apartment building, and then
Jared could see his door looming at him. He felt heavy all of a sudden, the
night was nearly over, and Jensen would be leaving. He’d had such a good time
and he wasn’t ready for the night to end just yet; hell, he wasn’t sure if he
ever wanted it to end.
 
“Did you wanna—?” Jared asked bravely and pointed to the door. “I’ve got beer.”
 
“Sure, I’d love a beer,” Jensen agreed, he looked nervous, and Jared briefly
wondered what Jensen was expecting of him. But he pushed his fears aside and
let them in.
 
They both shrugged off their jackets and Jared gathered them a couple of beers.
Both were pretty buzzed but neither of them was overly drunk. Jared handed
Jensen his beer and led the way into the living room where they sat somewhat
awkwardly on Jared’s old sofa.
 
“So, what did you wanna do?” Jared asked nervously. He’d never invited someone
back to his place before, and he was at a loss. Asking if Jensen wanted a drink
was about as much as he could figure out for himself.
 
“I dunno, you wanna watch a movie?” Jensen suggested and gestured to Jared’s
DVD collection. Jared brightened; he could totally get behind that.
 
“Sure, what sort of movies do you like?” Jared put his beer on the coffee table
and crawled on his hands and knees over to the television, unaware of Jensen
staring open mouthed at his ass. “I’ve got horror, comedy, your basic blow
things up, a couple of disaster flicks and romances but they’re mainly for
Sandy.” Jared looked over his shoulder at Jensen’s disbelieving face. “They
are,” he insisted. “There’s no way I’d buy Titanic and—You’ve Got Mail,” Jared
said as he read the titles, a grimace on his face.
 
“Sure, sure, what ever you say,” Jensen teased. He moved around the table so he
was level with Jared and skimmed through the collection. “Oh, hey. Sleepless in
Seattle.”
 
Jensen held it up, and Jared rolled his eyes.
 
“Just because we’re in Seattle doesn’t mean we actually have to watch stuff
like that,” Jared said as he took the DVD from Jensen and put it at the bottom
of the pile.
 
“Okay, how about a horror or an action movie ?” Jensen suggested. “Ooh,
Underworld, I haven’t seen this in ages.”
 
“You like Vampires and Werewolves, huh?” Jared asked opening the DVD player and
placing the disc in the tray.
 
“There are a few really good films out there,” Jensen commented.
 
They sat back on the sofa as the movie started. Jared took his beer off the
table and when he leaned back, he felt Jensen’s hand land on his thigh. The
move took him so much by surprise that he just froze.
 
“You okay?” Jensen queried, obviously noticing Jared’s tension.
 
“Yeah, absolutely,” Jared reassured him. He took Jensen’s hand so it was
resting in his palm rather than on his leg, and that allowed him to relax a
little, as they settled down to watch the movie.
 
They ended up talking more than watching; everything that happened seemed to
spur a conversation about something. The movie ended without either of them
noticing, and they continued to talk until the sun came up.
 
“Oh Jesus, is that the time?” Jensen asked while Jared tried to stifle a yawn.
“We’ve got to be at class in four hours.
 
“Seriously?” Jared looked at his watch, and sure enough, it was six in the
morning. “Oh, I’m gonna feel like shit today.”
 
“You’re not the only one,” Jensen agreed; they looked at each other and burst
out laughing. When they’d recovered, Jensen’s face went serious. “It was worth
it though.”
 
Jared felt his face heat up; he bit his lip and looked away shyly. “Yeah it
was,” he said softly before he shook himself out of it. “So, what do you want
to do? Get some sleep, or go have breakfast?”
 
“Ugh, either option sounds really appealing right now,” Jensen groaned and
flopped back on the sofa. “I think if I slept, I wouldn’t wake up again, but I
do need to go home, have a shower, and get changed.”
 
“I think I’ve got some bacon and eggs in the fridge,” Jared said and grinned
when Jensen jumped up enthusiastically.
 
“Perfect.”
 
Slightly sluggishly, they moved into the kitchen. Jared pulled the supplies out
of the fridge and put them on the counter. When he turned around, he saw that
Jensen had found the frying pans, had already smacked them down onto the stove
and turned the heat on.
 
“What do you want, scrambled or fried?” Jared asked, handing the bacon to
Jensen and opening the egg carton.
 
“I dunno; what do you do best?” The bacon spat, and as Jensen jumped away from
the scorching fat, he collided with Jared who subsequently dropped the egg he
was holding.
 
“Whoa,” Jared cried and watched the egg tumble to the ground.
 
Jensen moved like lightning; he fell to one knee, shot out his hand, and caught
the wayward egg before it smashed on the floor.
 
“Wow, those skills of yours really come in handy don’t they?” Jared said,
impressed by the save.
 
“Yep, useful for all types of things, catching eggs being one of them,” Jensen
laughed. He stepped closer to Jared and handed the egg back to him. “I think
scrambled sounds good.”
 
Jared took the egg with a smile. Jensen stepped closer and placed a hand on
Jared’s waist, causing Jared’s heartbeat to pick up a few extra beats. He
peered down at Jensen through his messy bangs, a little uncertainly, but when
Jensen gazed up at him, his green eyes flashing, Jared felt a thrill bolt
through him and hardly noticed when his free hand landed on Jensen’s waist.
 
“I’ve had a really good time—with you,” Jensen said softly, keeping his shining
eyes fixed on Jared’s.
 
“Me too,” Jared gulped. “Thank you for asking me.”
 
“Thank you for saying ‘yes,’” Jensen countered. He leaned up and pushed his
lips against Jared’s. Jared let out a whimper, but didn’t move away. Jensen’s
lips were warm and soft; their slight moistness enticed Jared to lean into
them. It was just a touch of lips, then Jensen was pulling away and staring at
Jared, a hopeful glint shining in his eyes.
 
Jared’s breath came heavier as he swiped his tongue over his lips, tasting
Jensen’s kiss. Jensen followed the move with his eyes and leaned in again,
pausing before their lips touched, his breath ghosting over Jared’s mouth.
 
This time, Jared initiated contact; he closed the gap between them and kissed
Jensen. He fell into the warmth of Jensen’s lips and allowed Jensen to pull
Jared firmly against himself. He shivered as Jensen’s hands slid around his
waist and rubbed his back as they kissed, and when Jensen’s tongue licked over
his lips, Jared had no choice but to open up to him and welcome him into his
mouth.
 
This time when the egg fell from Jared’s hand, no one caught it, no one even
tried; it smashed on the ground by their feet and no one cared. Jared folded
his arms around Jensen and deepened the kiss, a moan escaping only to be
swallowed greedily by Jensen’s mouth.
 
Jared’s head was swimming, every nerve in his body was tingling; he felt
amazing, with Jensen kissing him, he felt so alive. His legs wobbled a little
and they stumbled until Jared’s back was against the refrigerator, and Jensen
was pinning him there. Not once did they break the kiss; they didn’t care that
they needed to breathe, they were lost in each other, and Jared never wanted to
be found.
 
A shrill noise flooded Jared’s head; he tried to block it out and concentrate
on Jensen’s tongue caressing his. But the noise didn’t stop, and they were
forced to pull away from each other, panting. Then Jensen coughed, and that’s
when Jared noticed the smoke in the air.
 
“Oh shit, the bacon,” he cursed, and he and Jensen turned to the stove. Jared
pulled the pan full of charred bacon off of it, while Jensen turned off the
heat. “Hope you like it well-done,” Jared laughed and dumped the pan in the
sink, leaving it to smoke.
 
“I like it crispy, not cindery,” Jensen laughed back, and they surveyed the
damage. “Can’t you shut that thing off?” Jensen called over the smoke detector.
 
Jared moved to where the detector was and reached up. Using all his height he
twisted the cover off and pulled out the battery.
 
“So much for breakfast,” Jared slouched. Jensen stepped into him, and his arms
circled Jared’s waist.
 
“Oh, I dunno,” Jensen said slyly. “I quite enjoyed my breakfast.”
 
“Really?” Jared questioned, now feeling a little self-conscious about the kiss,
even as Jensen nuzzled against his chin.
 
“Really,” Jensen confirmed. “But—”
 
“But?” Jared’s heart almost stopped. There was a ‘but’ and that only ever led
to bad things.
 
“I’m still hungry,” Jensen kissed along Jared’s jaw line, and Jared struggled
to keep his thoughts in perspective.
 
“Well—w-we still have some—eggs left,” Jared stuttered as his brain slowly
melted into Jensen’s kisses. He closed his eyes and tipped his head so Jensen’s
kisses moved across his cheek.
 
“Not what I’m hungry for,” Jensen murmured against his skin, and then their
lips met again.
 
Jared really didn’t know how to handle this, so he let Jensen take the lead and
control the kiss. He moaned as Jensen’s skilful hands ran down his sides to his
hips, tugging him closer.
 
One of Jared’s hands came up to cup Jensen’s cheek while the other slipped down
his back before holding on for dear life to the belt loop on Jensen’s jeans.
 
Jensen’s tongue swept into Jared’s willing mouth and licked its way around.
They kissed deeply, Jensen pressing harder against Jared’s mouth until Jared
was forced to rip his mouth away and gasp for breath.
 
“Jensen,” he panted, letting Jensen tip his head to the side so he could trail
kisses down his neck.
 
“I’ve wanted to do this for so long,” Jensen’s voice was muffled slightly as he
didn’t stop his kisses long enough to speak. “God, Jared. I’ve wanted you since
I first saw you.”
 
Jensen’s hands slipped under Jared’s shirt while his mouth continued to work
Jared’s neck, sucking bruises into the skin and making Jared gasp from the
sensation.
 
“Ngh, Jen,” Jared tried to speak, but his head was overloaded, his dick was
hard, and Jensen rubbed his hips against him. “Fuck!”
 
Without realising, Jared grabbed Jensen by the arms and pushed him away
slightly. He kept his hold on Jensen, keeping him at arm’s length and tried to
catch his breath. He was getting dizzy, and the heavy breathing wasn’t helping.
 
“What’s wrong?” Jensen asked urgently, Jared could see the concern in his eyes.
 
“Nothing, just—” What was he supposed to say? “Just got a little much, I
guess.” He let out an embarrassed laugh. “You made me dizzy.”
 
Jensen smiled and reached out for Jared, who released his restraining hold and
allowed Jensen to cuddle into him. He wrapped his arms around Jensen and smiled
as he held him close, that feeling of protection coming back. He could get used
to holding Jensen like this.
 
“How about an omelette?” Jensen suggested after a minute.
 
“I’ve got some cheese—I think,” Jared added.
 
“Shall we try the whole breakfast thing again?” Jensen chuckled, and Jared
nodded.
 
Jensen pulled away, flashing a grin at Jared turned to the stove. Jared let out
a breath. That was intense, he thought and tried to ignore the fact that he was
still half hard and concentrated instead on the food; he definitely didn’t want
a repeat of the night before in the diner bathroom.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Part 6
 
Soon they were both digging into successful cheese omelettes, Jared devouring
his in seconds.
 
“Mmm, this is delicious,” Jensen praised and shovelled another forkful into his
mouth.
 
“Thanks, I used to make them with my mom when I was a kid; she would always
tell me off when I tried to put too much cheese in them,” Jared said without
thinking, he smiled at the memory, but it turned sad very quickly.
 
“You still see your mom much?” Jensen asked as he finished off his omelette and
pushed his plate away, satisfied.
 
“No,” Jared shook his head and stared at his clean plate. “I haven’t seen her
in years. Not since I left home.”
 
Jared fully expected Jensen to ask why not, what reason could he possibly have
to not see his mom anymore, seeing as how they obviously got along really well.
 
But Jensen surprised him when he wistfully said, “Yeah, that sucks, man.”
 
“Yeah,” Jared agreed, just as a huge yawn overtook him. “God, I’m so tired. I
don’t think I’m gonna be able to catch a thing today in class.”
 
“You can get away with it; no one expects you to be perfect,” Jensen rubbed a
hand tiredly over his face. “But I don’t think people will be very inspired
when I start dropping things.”
 
“You could always excuse me for the day,” Jared suggested half jokingly.
 
“I could,” Jensen said thoughtfully, moving round to stand in front of Jared,
slipping between his legs and gripping his hips. “But then I wouldn’t get to
see you.”
 
He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on Jared’s lips before resting their
foreheads together.
 
“Wouldn’t I just be a distraction?” Jared smiled, and Jensen considered that
for a moment.
 
“I think I’d be more distracted thinking about you if you’re not there than if
I can look at you when ever I want,” Jensen said seriously, his voice bathed in
affection.
 
“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” Jared grinned, his heart felt light, and he
didn’t think he’d ever been this happy before in his life. He lifted his head a
little so he could kiss Jensen again; it was fast becoming his favourite thing
to do. When Jensen groaned and pulled away from the kiss Jared frowned.
 
“What is it?” he asked.
 
“If I’m gonna get home and back in time for class, I’m going to have to go,”
Jensen groaned again and snuggled into Jared’s neck.
 
“Oh, okay,” Jared mumbled, he knew Jensen was going to have to leave sometime;
they had been together the entire night, after all. But he couldn’t help the
disappointment that clouded over him.
 
“Hey,” Jensen looked him in the eye. “I would much rather stay here with you.”
 
“You would?” Jared beamed, and Jensen laughed.
 
“More than anything,” Jensen assured him with a kiss. “Unfortunately, I have a
bunch of people expecting me to turn up and teach them how to throw things.”
 
“And you can’t let them down,” Jared finished for him, nodding understandingly.
 
“So—I’ll see you in a few hours?” Jensen asked, the hope in his voice so clear
it warmed Jared inside.
 
“You bet you will,” Jared confirmed. They kissed again, slow and sensual,
gradually making their way to the front door while trying not to stumble over
each others’ feet and pausing briefly to retrieve Jensen’s jacket. When they
got there, Jared pushed Jensen against the door, effectively pinning him there
and kissed him deeply, not wanting to let him leave, yet.
 
“Jay,” Jensen whispered between kisses. “I—have to—go.”
 
“I know,” Jared replied but didn’t stop kissing him, couldn’t stop kissing him.
 
“Maybe—uh—maybe I could—cancel for today,” Jensen moaned, gripping Jared’s arms
moving to kiss his neck.
 
“You can’t do that,” Jared argued, gasping as Jensen bit into his pulse point.
 
“I know,” Jensen said as his kisses trailed back up to capture Jared’s lips
again. “But, God, I so want to.”
 
“You have to go,” Jared reminded him.
 
“I have to go,” Jensen agreed.
 
Jared reached behind Jensen and fumbled with the door handle, not once halting
their kisses. He pulled the door open slightly and manoeuvred them around it.
 
“Go,” Jared said, pushing Jensen away slightly only to pull him back again.
 
“I’m going,” Jensen told him, making his body flush with Jared’s briefly before
ripping himself away and taking a few steps back. His lips red and swollen, his
eyes lidded, and his breath heavy with want. Jared had never seen a more
amazing sight.
 
“Three hours,” Jared told him.
 
“Don’t be late,” Jensen ordered him, slowly walking backwards down the hall,
keeping his eyes on Jared the whole time, his face pulled into a blinding
smile.
 
“I’ll be early,” Jared promised, his own smile threatening to split his face.
 
“Bye,” Jensen said holding up a hand in a still wave.
 
“Bye,” Jared mirrored his movement.
 
Then Jensen was gone, slipping through the door to the stairs. Jared stood in
his doorway and watched where Jensen had disappeared, as if thinking he was
going to come back through.
 
After a few minutes, Jared went back into his apartment. A thrum of excitement
charged through him, and he had a burst of energy that almost had him leaping
for joy. He went to the kitchen and for the first time in his life, enjoyed
doing to the dishes, because they were dishes that he and Jensen had used.
 
He couldn’t quench the smile the stretched across his face, even though his
cheeks were aching with it. As soon as he’d finished his dishes, he grabbed his
phone and hit speed dial one; it rang a few times and Jared bounced on his feet
anxiously waiting for it to be answered.
 
“Jared? Are you okay?” Sandy’s voice asked desperately.
 
“We kissed,” Jared blurted loudly as he let out an honest to God giggle.
 
“You—are you okay?” she asked again.
 
“I am way better than okay,” Jared said gleefully. “God, Sand. It was amazing;
he’s amazing. I’ve never felt anything like it. We kissed, and not just once,
lots of times. And not just little kisses, I’m talking about full on kisses,
with tongues and everything.” Jared was well aware that he sounded like a
twelve year old getting their first kiss, but he really didn’t care.
 
“That’s great, Jay. I’m really happy for you, but—” Sandy yawned. “—did you
have to call me at seven-thirty in the morning to tell me?”
 
“Oh shit, I’m sorry, Sand; I forgot how early it was.” Jared smacked himself in
the head. “It’s just that he just left, and I was so desperate to tell you,
especially after calling you last night; I didn’t want you to be worried.”
 
“What do you mean he just left?” Sandy asked, surprised. “He was there all
night?”
 
“Yep,” Jared said happily. “We talked and talked; he’s so nice, and he likes
me, he really does like me.” There was silence on the other end of the phone
and Jared got worried for a moment. “Sandy?”
 
“I’m really pleased for you, Jay, really. I haven’t heard you this happy—well,
ever.” Jared could almost hear the smile in Sandy’s voice.
 
“I haven’t ever been this happy before,” Jared admitted, sighing and finally
starting to come down off his high. “I’m really sorry I woke you.”
 
“Nah, that’s okay,” Sandy said, and Jared could imagine her shrugging with one
shoulder and wrinkling up her nose. “I’ve got to get up for class soon anyway.”
 
“Okay, well I’ve got to shower and figure out what I’m going to wear,” Jared
said, making his way to the bathroom and turning on the water.
 
“Wear? For what?” Sandy asked, confused.
 
“For when I see Jensen again in class today,” Jared explained and grinned at
the thought of seeing Jensen in two and a half hours.
 
“Um, Jay?” Sandy said.
 
“Yeah?”
 
“You’re not going to be all over each other in front of the other class members
are you?” she asked carefully.
 
“What? No, of course not,” Jared said loudly. “That would be—well, embarrassing
for one thing.”
 
“Good, it’s just; I don’t want people thinking you’re getting any special
treatment or anything.”
 
“I know what you’re thinking, Sand. But this is nothing like that,” Jared
assured her. “It’s not like he can change my grade or give me the answers. I
can either do it or I can’t.”
 
“I know that, Jay. I just meant that I don’t want the others to think he’s
spending more time on you than he does with everyone else, they are paying for
the course after all,” she explained her concerns.
 
“Yeah, I see your point. Don’t worry; I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he said trying
to sound confident, but Sandy had put a little seed of doubt in his mind.
 
“All right. Have a good day okay?” Sandy said.
 
“I will; you too,” Jared replied. “Oh and Sand?”
 
“Yeah?”
 
“Am I gonna see you at Tom’s tonight, or are you still glued to Chris?” he
teased.
 
“I’ll be there; I want all the juicy details,” Sandy laughed.
 
“You’re not the only one; you don’t get to keep secrets from me. I’m going to
be waiting to hear all about your weekend,” Jared told her sternly, but he
smiled when she laughed and promised to tell him everything in excruciating
detail.
 
They said their goodbyes and Jared stripped down and climbed into his steaming
shower. His apartment might not be much but his shower was to die for.
 
He didn’t know how long he stood under the spray but he opened his eyes when
the water started going cold. Shivering, he quickly washed and got ready, his
memories and thoughts constantly on Jensen.
 
 
Jensen had been on a high ever since leaving Jared’s. Once he’d gone through
the door to the stairs, he’d stayed there for what seemed like forever, just
contemplating the idea of going back. Then he’d heard Jared close his door and
smiled at the thought of Jared waiting to see if he’d do just that, or maybe
he’d been thinking about coming after him himself.
 
Either way, Jensen couldn’t believe how well the night had gone. He hadn’t
really planned on kissing Jared like that, Jared had always seemed a little
skittish, and Jensen didn’t want to scare him away. But when he’d looked into
those green-brown eyes, he couldn’t help but need to get closer, to taste him,
and once he’d had that first taste, well, who could blame him for wanting more?
 
He had a definite bounce in his step as he approached the studio—as he liked to
call it—and was slightly disappointed that Jared wasn’t waiting outside for
him, but then, he was a little early.
 
He looked around before going inside, just in case he could see Jared, but when
he couldn’t, he went in to set everything up. As he started placing bottles and
shakers on the tables Jensen grinned, he couldn’t get Jared off his mind and
kept glancing to the door, waiting for him to come through it. He had to admit,
he was nervous about seeing Jared again, it had only been three hours, but he
was missing him like crazy; he really hoped it wouldn’t be awkward between
them, and he hoped to God that it hadn’t been a one time thing, that Jared
would want to continue seeing him. He was pretty sure he did want to, but that
didn’t stop the cyclone in his stomach from whipping up a storm.
 
“Hey,” said the quiet voice from behind him. His breath caught in his throat
and a slow smile spread across his face. Gradually, he turned until he was
facing Jared, who leaned casually against the doorframe, but the expression on
his face betrayed how nervous he was.
 
“Hey,” Jensen said just as softly. He put the bottle he was holding on the
table and moved to stand in front of Jared.
 
“Still awake I see?” Jared said, pushing himself off the doorframe as Jensen
came closer.
 
“Barely,” Jensen admitted. He could see that Jared’s eyes were bloodshot with
dark circles under them. “I wasn’t sure you were gonna come today.”
 
“I said I would,” Jared said, his lips twitching into a smile.
 
“I just thought you might’ve fallen asleep, that’s all,” Jensen said. He
cautiously took a step closer to Jared, lifting his hand to take his waist.
 
“I think I did, in the shower,” Jared chuckled. “Had to wash with cold water
when I woke up.” Jensen couldn’t hide his relief when Jared let him tug him
closer and returned the touch by placing one of his big hands on Jensen’s hip.
 
“I’m glad you did come,” Jensen told him.
 
“Wouldn’t have missed it,” Jared murmured as Jensen leaned up and pressed their
lips together. Jared whimpered into his mouth and Jensen smiled against his
lips, deepening the kiss and pulling Jared firmly against his body.
 
“I missed this,” Jensen whispered when they broke apart.
 
“I saw you three hours ago,” Jared chuckled.
 
“I know,” Jensen shrugged and backed away slightly. “But I still missed it.”
 
He chuckled to himself when Jared blushed and was tempted to slam him against
the wall and kiss him breathless, he was so gorgeously irresistible. But just
then a couple of his other students walked through the door, they stopped their
conversation to say hello to him and went to their tables.
 
Jensen mouthed the word ‘later’ to Jared and smiled; Jared’s cheeks reddened
further making Jensen’s grin widen.
 
 
Jensen found that he could actually still catch things, despite his weariness
and kept the class going easily. Jared had no such luck and was more of a klutz
than he normally was.
 
Jensen went over to him and helped guide him in the right direction.
 
“You’re just doing this to get my attention, aren’t you?” he whispered in
Jared’s ear as he adjusted his grip on the shaker before letting him try and
spin it on his hand.
 
“You wish,” Jared smirked at him. “Unfortunately, I really am this bad.”
 
“You’ve almost got it; you’re just tipping your wrist a little too much that
way, you’re putting it all off balance,” Jensen instructed, falling easily into
teacher mode. Jared appeared to appreciate this and relaxed. Jensen noticed
Jared’s eyes flicking to the rest of the students briefly. “Try and keep it a
little steadier and as soon as you feel it slowing down, catch it again.”
 
“I think that’s part of the problem,” Jared huffed. “I’m trying to catch it,
but when I do, my timing must be off or something ‘cause all that happens is
that I knock it off my hand.”
 
“Keep trying, you’ll get it,” Jensen promised giving his hand a quick squeeze
before letting go. “All it takes is practice and then one day, things will all
just fall into place.”
 
He smiled as he backed away, wondering if Jared knew he was talking more about
them meeting than he was about spinning bottles. Everything had fallen into
place when he’d met Jared, he was so unique and gentle, and Jensen could see
what he was feeling just by the expression on his face. It was true that he
could tell Jared was keeping secrets, and Jensen feared that Jared had been
hurt in the past, but that was something he was prepared to deal with if it
meant he got to be with Jared, and he hoped that Jared would tell him in his
own time.
 
The class ended quickly, and Jensen sighed with relief. He was seriously on his
last legs and desperately needed sleep.
 
Jared hung behind as the rest of the class left, still trying to spin the
shaker on the palm of his hand. He almost had it when Jensen came up behind him
and slipped his arms around his waist, pressing a kiss into his neck. The
shaker went clattering to the floor and Jared leapt out of his grasp.
 
“Whoa, hey,” Jensen soothed. “Where’s the fire?”
 
“Sorry, you startled me, that’s all,” Jared said breathlessly. He looked around
the room nervously, but visibly relaxed when he noticed they were alone.
 
“You okay?” Jensen asked.
 
“Yeah. Yeah, I just, don’t think it’s wise to be—together—in front of everyone
else,” Jared explained, and when Jensen frowned, he continued. “I just don’t
want them to think you’re showing favouritism, that’s all.”
 
Jensen nodded understandingly, Jared was right; it could cause problems if the
class knew they were together.
 
“Yeah okay,” Jensen told him. “Not in class; I get it.” He stepped closer to
Jared and grinned suggestively. “Class is over now; everyone’s gone.” He
waggled his eyebrows and was relived when Jared laughed and took Jensen in his
arms.
 
“That class was way too long,” Jared complained and leaned down, placing a long
slow kiss on Jensen’s lips.
 
Jensen let himself get swept up in the kiss, his body melting against Jared’s.
He licked at Jared’s lips, requesting access deeper into his mouth; with a
little moan Jared opened up for him, and Jensen didn’t waste anytime delving
into that delicious warmth.
 
“When do you have to work?” Jensen asked breathlessly after the need for oxygen
had made them part.
 
“Tonight, I was planning on sleeping the rest of the day,” Jared told him,
laying gentle kisses over his face.
 
“Me too,” Jensen said and closed his eyes, enjoyed the attention. “Maybe we
could—you know—sleep together?”
 
Jared stiffened, and Jensen worried he’d said the wrong thing.
 
“I dunno,” Jared said tentatively.
 
“Just to sleep, Jared. Nothing else,” Jensen assured him, not letting him back
away.
 
“Just to sleep?” Jared questioned uncertainly.
 
“Just to sleep,” Jensen confirmed and tugged Jared closer. “And maybe a little
more of this.” He kissed him again, slipping his fingers into his hair and
caressing his scalp gently.
 
“Okay,” Jared breathed, his eyes still closed, and Jensen kissed him before he
could change his mind.
 
 
What am I doing? Jared asked himself as he let Jensen into his apartment. This
is so wrong.
 
“You want a drink or something?” Jared asked, fairly certain he was trying to
stall actually going to bed.
 
“No thanks, I think I just wanna crash,” Jensen said with a yawn, and of course
the yawn was contagious, and Jared was soon joining him, covering his mouth.
They caught each others eyes and burst out laughing.
 
“I think sleep is a good idea,” Jared agreed, the easy laughter relaxing him a
fair amount.
 
“Jay?” Jensen stood in front of him, looking as though he were studying him.
“Are you sure it’s okay for me to be here? I can go if—”
 
“No,” Jared said quickly. “No, I want you to stay.” And it was true, he didn’t
want Jensen to leave; if he did Jared might wake up and find it had all been a
dream, and he didn’t think he could handle that.
 
Jensen grinned. “Okay.”
 
Jared led the way into the bedroom, the shades were drawn, and it was pretty
dark, with very little sunlight creeping in.
 
“That’s one hell of a big bed, Jared,” Jensen commented, his eyes goggling
Jared’s king sized bed.
 
Jared simply looked down at himself and shrugged. “I’m a big guy, and I hate
having my feet hanging over the edge.”
 
“I guess that makes sense,” Jensen laughed. He shifted from one foot to the
other as though he didn’t know what to do next, so Jared kept on talking while
he went to his dresser.
 
“I saved for months to be able to afford this beauty, best money I ever spent,”
he told Jensen. Then he pulled out a large t-shirt and handed it to Jensen. “If
you wanted something to sleep in.”
 
Jensen took it and smiled. “Thanks,” he said. After that he didn’t hesitate, he
stripped off his tops and slipped the shirt over his head. It was large on him,
but Jared figured it would do.
 
They both pulled off their jeans, leaving their boxers on, of course. Jared
kept his t-shirt on, and they climbed into the large bed. Now, Jared wasn’t
sure what to do, he’d only ever shared a bed with Sandy, and that was usually
when he was curled into her arms crying himself to sleep.
 
Luckily, Jensen took the initiative and rolled on his side to look at Jared.
Jared mirrored his movements, and they stared at each other for a few minutes.
 
“Oh, do you have to be up by a certain time?” Jared asked suddenly, not wanting
them to over sleep.
 
“I have to be at the bar by seven, and I’ll need to go home first, so I guess
around five?” Jensen suggested.
 
Jared nodded and turned to his bedside table to set the alarm.
 
“Okay, all set,” he said, but before he could turn back around, he felt a solid
presence behind him and an arm slipped over his waist.
 
“Thanks,” Jensen whispered in his ear before he pressed a kiss to it. Jared
made himself turn around, and Jensen shifted to give him room.
 
“You’re welcome,” Jared said, very conscious of Jensen’s hand on his side.
“Night Jen.”
 
“Morning Jay,” Jensen countered and closed his eyes.
 
Jared let out a slightly relieved sigh and finally let his exhaustion overtake
him.
 
 
Jared’s eyes flickered open. He snuggled down into his warm bed and wondered
what the time was, but he couldn’t be bothered to move to find out.
 
He smiled at the warmth of the body behind him, the arm around him. He was used
to waking up with Sandy holding him. Wait, that’s not Sandy. Then he
remembered. It was Jensen.
 
Immediately, he stiffened. Having Jensen stay with him probably wasn’t the best
idea he’d had; he couldn’t remember for the life of him why he’d agreed to it.
The only person he’d ever shared a bed with was Sandy; he didn’t know how he
was supposed to act, what he was supposed to say. What if he messed things up?
 
Maybe I can slip out without waking him, he contemplated and started to shift
his body.
 
“Hey, you’re awake,” Jensen mumbled in between his shoulders.
 
So much for sneaking out, Jared thought deflated.
 
“Just about,” he said out loud. Jensen’s arm around him pulled him firmer
against Jensen’s body, and his lips pressed kisses into the back of Jared’s
neck, trailing down to meet his shoulder. Jared closed his eyes; it felt really
good, safe even.
 
“C’mere,” Jensen whispered, tugging on Jared, trying to make him rollover.
Jared complied and rolled over until he was facing Jensen.
 
“How come you’re awake?” Jared asked, taking in the sight of Jensen in the
darkened room. His hair was mussed up, sticking out in places; his eyes were
half closed and puffy with sleep. He smiled sleepily at Jared, and Jared’s
stomach flipped. Even dishevelled like this, Jensen was still beautiful.
 
“You talk in your sleep,” Jensen complained with a yawn, rubbing his eyes.
Jared froze again; he knew the sort of things he said in his sleep sometimes;
he’d forced Sandy to tell him a couple of times, and it was nothing he wanted
Jensen to hear.
 
“What did I say?” he asked cautiously terrified.
 
“I dunno, I couldn’t make it out.” Jensen brushed Jared’s hair out of his face
and leaned over to kiss him. “But you can really kick when you want to,” he
teased.
 
“I’m sorry, did I hurt you?” Jared winced; he guessed Jensen was lucky,
sometimes Sandy had to literally get out of bed when he started thrashing
around.
 
“Nah, might have a bruise on my shin, but I’ll be fine. You seemed to settle a
bit better when I cuddled up to you,” Jensen smiled, his hand running down
Jared’s side leaving his thumb to rub circles into his hip. “What were you
dreaming about?”
 
“I don’t remember,” Jared said honestly, he didn’t remember, and he usually
liked it that way.
 
“So,” Jensen said, his eyes drifting down, away from Jared’s eyes. “I guess I
won’t see you tonight, if we’re both working?”
 
“Oh,” Jared frowned, realising he was disappointed by this. “No, I guess not. I
could see you tomorrow?”
 
“Can’t. I’ve got to do an inventory at the bar during the day, and then I’m
working all night,” Jensen said, picking invisible bits of thread off Jared’s
t-shirt. “But you could come to the bar in the evening?”
 
“I’m working too,” Jared told him, not looking forward to not seeing Jensen for
a while.
 
“Well, at least I’ll see you on Wednesday in class,” Jensen grinned, and Jared
returned it.
 
“Yeah, you will,” he said quietly.
 
“Good, ‘cause I think if I had to wait any longer, I’d go crazy not being able
to do this,” Jensen’s words turned into an almost whisper as he moved closer
and sealed their lips together.
 
Jared closed his eyes and concentrated on the feel of Jensen’s lips against
his, the way they moved to caress him, slowly lavishing attention in a way that
was impossible not to want more of.
 
Jared moved his hand up to slip his fingers through Jensen’s hair, tugging him
closer and groaning into his mouth. Jensen tipped his head to get a better
angle, and when Jared felt him licking for entrance he opened his mouth
automatically. Jensen pushed against him slightly, pressing their mouths
together more firmly, and Jared was forced to lie back against his pillow while
Jensen leaned over him, kissing him more deeply.
 
Jared felt Jensen’s hand run over his stomach to grip his waist; he shifted
position a little, so he was laying more on top of Jared. Jensen slipped a leg
between Jared’s and Jared pulled their mouths apart to gasp as Jensen’s thigh
rubbed against his erection.
 
Jared squeezed his eyes shut, he knew the feeling was pleasurable, and yet his
insides trembled. Jensen moved to kiss down his neck while his hands worked
their way up under Jared’s t-shirt, clever fingers teasing their way over his
skin.
 
 
“Jen,” Jared wasn’t even sure he was speaking out loud. He could feel Jensen’s
length pressing and beginning to thrust against his hip, Jensen’s breath heavy
against his neck before he sunk his teeth in. Jared yelped and unconsciously
bucked up against him.
 
“Jay, uh, Jay,” Jensen moaned into his skin as he continued to rub his body
against him, stimulating both their erections.
 
Jared’s head swam, the turmoil under his skin growing more ferocious. Jared
tried to will it away, tried to put all his focus on enjoying being with
Jensen, on the amazing sensations Jensen was causing his body to go through.
But no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t shake the feeling that something
was going to go terribly wrong, that this wasn’t right, that it was forbidden.
 
“God, Jay,” Jensen groaned and took his mouth again. Jared just held on tight,
riding it out until it was over. A sense of betrayal eating at him. He shut his
eyes tight. He wasn’t betraying anyone; he didn’t answer to anyone; he wanted
this, and he was going to have it!
 
His body shuddered, not with release, but with fear. He wasn’t allowed to think
things like that; he wasn’t allowed to want and need. He was to do as he was
told and enjoy it.
 
He didn’t want it like this, not with Jensen; he wanted it to be perfect, like
their first kiss. Jared was going to ruin everything; it was all going too fast
for him to adjust. Jared could feel the tension building in him, about ready to
snap, but his well trained body gave none of this away and Jensen continued to
stimulate him, unaware of the internal battle going on in Jared’s mind.
 
The alarm on the clock went off wrenching them both out of it. Jensen groaned
against Jared, flopping his body down and resting his head against Jared’s
shoulder.
 
Jared opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling for a moment. A sense of relief
washing over him, but the fist curling in his belly kept its painful grip,
refusing to let him go yet.
 
Jared wiggled out from under Jensen and swung his legs over the side of the
bed. He pressed the button to turn the alarm off and leaned his face onto his
hands for a moment, just trying to catch his breath and calm his mind.
 
Jensen shifted behind him, then his arms were looping around Jared and pulling
him against his chest.
 
“We don’t have to get up just yet,” he murmured against Jared’s ear. Jared
swallowed thickly, a lump forming in his throat and threatening to choke him.
 
“No, we really should get up,” Jared croaked and stood, pulling his jeans on
quickly, but keeping his back to Jensen, afraid he’d see the despair on Jared’s
face.
 
“Jay, are you okay?” Jensen asked as he got off the bed and stood behind him;
holding Jared’s hips and resting his head against his back.
 
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just don’t want you to get in to trouble for being late
because of me,” Jared said, thinking on his feet.
 
Jensen laughed, “I’m not going to get into trouble, Jay,” he assured him.
 
“Maybe not, but I will if I’m late, and I need my job,” Jared stated. Then he
took a deep breath and made himself turn to face Jensen. “But I will see you on
Wednesday, right?”
 
Jensen smiled. “You bet you will, maybe we could have lunch after class
somewhere?” he suggested, his eyes shining with hope in the dim light.
 
“Yeah, sure. I’d like that,” Jared agreed and let Jensen kiss him softly.
 
“I guess I’d better go,” Jensen pouted, normally seeing those plump lips
pouting like that would send a wave of want through Jared, but that controlling
fist in his gut prevented him from feeling anything. He schooled his features
into a smile, not even sure if he pulled it off or not.
 
“Yeah, I guess. I’m gonna jump in the shower.” Jensen’s eyes flashed with
mischief, and Jared rolled his eyes. “Go on, get out of here.”
 
He gave Jensen a playful push, and Jensen chuckled as he gathered his clothes,
changing into them as Jared left the room and got himself a large glass of
water. When Jensen came out of the bedroom he was fully dressed and Jared was
grateful. He needed some time away from Jensen, time to sort his head out.
 
He knew starting a relationship was going to be hard, but he was beginning to
doubt he was strong enough to cope with everything that was going to be
demanded of him, and that just wasn’t fair on Jensen.
 
“Right, well I’m gonna go then,” Jensen fidgeted adorably.
 
“Okay,” Jared nodded. “I’ll see you on Wednesday.”
 
“Yep, and then lunch right?” Jensen reminded him.
 
“Lunch, can’t wait,” Jared said flatly and led Jensen to the door.
 
Jensen followed him, standing very close as he opened the door to let him out.
Jensen stepped out into the hall before turning to Jared.
 
“Don’t I get a kiss goodbye?” he pouted slightly, but there was a hint of worry
in his eyes.
 
“Of course, yeah, of course you do,” Jared cleared his throat, leaned down and
kissed Jensen twice, fairly quickly, before stepping back. “Bye.”
 
The look on Jensen’s face almost killed him; he looked like someone who’d just
been fucked and was now being kicked out with a ‘thanks that was great’ to see
them go. Jared’s heart clenched, knowing he had put that look there. Swallowing
his fears for a moment, he grabbed Jensen’s head between his large hands and
pulled their faces together.
 
He smashed his lips against Jensen’s, quickly taking advantage of Jensen’s gasp
to shove his tongue into his mouth. He kissed him hard, pushing him back so he
was leaning against the wall of the corridor, Jared’s body pinning him so he
couldn’t escape, although Jensen didn’t appear to have any intention of
escaping. Jensen gripped Jared’s hips, digging his blunt nails through the
material of his t-shirt and allowed Jared to plunder his mouth for everything
he had, neither one of them caring if anyone came along to see them.
 
One of Jared’s hands moved to fist in Jensen’s hair, pulling it slightly to get
Jensen’s head into a better position, while his other hand trailed down his arm
until it could hold his hand. Jensen let Jared link their fingers, then Jared
pulled their arms up so he could pin Jensen’s hand against the wall by his
head.
 
Jensen’s free hand slipped around to Jared’s back and hauled him closer, their
bodies flush with each other, and Jensen’s hard-on pressing into Jared’s hip.
Jared pushed against him and only stopped kissing him for a second as they both
gasped for breath before diving back for more.
 
Jensen’s fingers tightened on Jared’s, squeezing his hand for all he was worth
as Jared continued to press bruising kisses to his lips. Jared shoved a thigh
between Jensen’s legs, lifting him slightly from the ground, and held him while
Jensen rode his leg, rubbing his cock over and over. Then Jensen threw his head
back, taking deep gulps of air and panting Jared’s name.
 
Jared forced him into the wall, not caring if the shoddy plaster dented. With
the hand still in his hair Jared yanked Jensen’s head to the side and sunk his
teeth into the soft flesh where Jensen’s neck met his shoulder. Jensen yelled,
his free hand grasping at Jared’s shoulder, desperate for something to hold on
to. Jared released the bite to suck a deep bruise into the skin instead, his
body moving in waves in time with Jensen’s, stimulating Jensen’s cock harder
and faster.
 
“J-Jay,” Jensen panted. “God, I need to— more, I need more, please?”
 
Without thinking Jared released Jensen’s hair, undid Jensen’s jeans and delved
his hand into Jensen’s pants, he felt under his boxers until he hand curved
around the flesh of Jensen’s hard, weeping cock. He knew what Jensen needed,
and he knew how to give it to him; he had been taught well.
 
With a twist of his wrist and a squeeze of his fist, Jared had Jensen babbling
incoherently. To stop the continual ramble of half words, Jared took Jensen’s
mouth with his again, his hand never stopping its work. The hand that held
Jensen’s hand pinned against the wall pushed up, dragging Jensen’s hand over
the dirty white paint work until it was high above Jensen’s head.
 
Jared felt Jensen’s whole body shudder under him and he knew he was close; he
doubled his efforts, releasing Jensen’s mouth so he could breathe. The moans
that came from Jensen were loud and strained, and Jared growled against his
ear.
 
“Come for me, baby,” he hissed. “Come on, fucking come for me.”
 
Jensen came, hard and fast, a scream on his lips that Jared did nothing to
smother. Jared stroked him through his orgasm, holding him up against the wall
when his legs gave way. Jensen’s head fell to rest against Jared’s shoulder,
and slowly he got his breathing under control.
 
When Jensen lifted his head to gaze at him, Jared raised his hand and licked
Jensen’s come from his fingers, not once breaking eye contact.
 
“Wow, Jay,” Jensen said breathily. “That was—wow.”
 
“I’ll see you on Wednesday, Jensen,” Jared backed away, leaving Jensen to hold
himself up against the wall, his fly still open.
 
“Wait, don’t you want me to—?”
 
“Nope, I’m good,” Jared said emotionlessly, as he slipped into his apartment
and stood half behind the door. “You’d better go, or we’re both gonna be late.”
 
“Yeah,” Jensen agreed, still dazed from the intense orgasm he’d just had. “I’ll
see ya later, Jay.”
 
“Bye Jensen.”
***** Chapter 7 *****

Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse of an under-age
Jared.
===============================================================================
Part 7
 
Jared shut the door and leaned his back against it. He looked down at the lack
of erection in his jeans, and didn’t stop the tears from falling from his eyes
as he slid to the floor. That hadn’t been him; he didn’t act like that. He was
so aggressive, so demanding; he hadn’t even gotten slightly hard, even from the
noises Jensen had made. And the worst thing was that Jensen had enjoyed it,
he’d thrived on Jared taking control, dominating him.
 
If that was what Jensen wanted then he was looking in the wrong place; Jared
couldn’t do that; he didn’t even know where that had come from.
 
His stomach rolled, and Jared quickly pushed himself to his feet and ran to the
bathroom. He could taste Jensen’s come in his mouth, but no matter how much he
gagged he couldn’t bring it up. He was contemplating sticking his fingers down
his throat when a voice entered his head.
 
 
“Come on, baby boy, swallow it down. You should be able to do that by now; it’s
not new anymore. Don’t you like the taste of me? Don’t you want to drink me all
the time?”
 
Jared swallowed, trying not to gag on the hot seamen as it shot down his
throat. He managed it; he swallowed the load and finally the cock was pulled
from his aching mouth.
 
As he watched it move away, a strip of spit linking them together, Jared’s
stomach clenched, and before he could stop it, he was doubled over, throwing up
all over the floor.
 
When he was done, he heard the heavy sigh from above him. He crouched in front
of him, and Jared tentatively raised his eyes to meet the piercing blue ones
that bore into him.
 
“Now that just hurts my feelings, Jared. That you find me so repulsive you have
to puke me up.” Jared shook his head desperately. Why did he have to throw up?
Why couldn’t he have just kept it down like he was told to? It didn’t matter
that the taste was revolting or that the smell lingered in his nose for hours
after. All he had to do was keep it down, but he couldn’t even do that.
 
“Well, we’ll just have to keep trying until you get it right, won’t we?” Jared
nodded, tears falling down his face. “Oh now, what’s this? You’ve gone and
upset yourself, haven’t you? Don’t worry, baby boy, you’ll get it. I won’t stop
trying, I’ll give you all the help you need, okay? I’ve taught you how to make
it good, and baby boy, you make it really good; I’m so proud of you. Now you
just have to learn to do this.”
 
All Jared could do was nod. This wasn’t going to end until he got it right,
until he could swallow and like it. But even then, there would be something
else to learn, something else to perfect. It would never end.
 
“Okay, baby boy. I’m ready; let’s try again.”
 
Jared closed his eyes and opened his mouth.
 
 
Jared just sat there on the cold bathroom floor, slowly rocking back and forth,
staring into space. His arms wrapped tightly around his legs, holding them
close to his body. The tears that dripped from his eyes fell hot on his bare
arms, but Jared didn’t wipe them away.
 
What had happened to him? Who had he become? All he had meant to do was give
Jensen a decent kiss goodbye, not give him a hand job in the hallway of his
apartment building, where anyone could have walked by. What had come over him?
 
Slowly, Jared climbed to his feet, and with shaky hands he pulled off his
clothes and climbed in the shower. First, he ran the hand that he’d licked
Jensen’s come from under the hot water, feeling the sticky residue wash away.
Next, he opened his mouth and let the water fill it up and run out the sides
until he could no longer taste the bitter, salty come.
 
Then, he concentrated on washing his body. He had a good physique; he knew he
did. Jared worked out when he could, went running sometimes, and always did
exercise at home. Never again would he be the skinny loser he had been, the kid
everyone thought it was okay to push around and punish when he didn’t do what
he was told.
 
 
After Jared choked on the come as it spurted down his throat and puked into the
trashcan again,he got mad.
 
“You know, this is really disrespectful,” was snarled at Jared. “I’m giving you
a huge gift, and you aren’t even man enough to stomach it. Well, I guess we’re
just going to have to make a man out of you, aren’t we?” Jared stared into
those blue eyes, fear clutching at his heart. He’d tried; he’d really tried. He
didn’t know why he couldn’t keep it down, it was like it just got stuck in his
throat and refused to go any further, and it just stayed there, choking him.
 
Now he was going to suffer for it; he always did when he didn’t please. Every
time Jared would be told that he had to be made a man, that he had to grow up
and learn what being an adult was all about. It didn’t matter that he was only
sixteen years old—fifteen the first time—he still had to become a man, and yet
he was still called ‘baby boy’ all the time.
 
“Take your clothes off,” he was told. His stomach still aching; he did as he
was told, stripping until he was naked. “There’s my baby boy. Oh Jared, you’re
beautiful, you know that?”
 
He let those blue eyes drag over him, let himself be examined and scrutinised.
He watched as those eyes became feral, he couldn’t help but back up as the man
stalked towards him. His back hit the wall and the sneer he received was
terrifying. He wondered how much it would hurt this time.
 
Suddenly, he was being pinned against the wall, hands roaming all over his
naked flesh, eyes eating him up and Jared’s lips were licked in anticipation.
 
“You’ve been keeping me busy today, haven’t you?” It was true, three blowjobs
and yet still more was expected from Jared. He could feel breath ghosting over
his skin, hands rubbing over his nipples, kisses pressed into his neck.
 
One of those hands came up to grip his long hair, he’d wanted to cut it so many
times, but was told that it was forbidden, that he looked beautiful with long
bangs, and that it would be upsetting to cut them off. His head was yanked to
one side and teeth dug into his skin. Jared bit his lip to keep from crying
out, even though he knew that the more noise he made, the more he pleased.
 
“Undress me,” he was ordered, and immediately he began to undo the man’s shirt
buttons, pushing it back so it fell off broad shoulders and puddled on the
ground. He didn’t need to undo the trousers as they were still half hanging off
from before. Instead, he just slipped them over the round ass cheeks until they
were gathered around strong ankles.
 
“Now, get yourself hard; there’s no point if you don’t enjoy it too. I can’t be
the one to have all the fun.” It had taken Jared a long time to train himself
to have an erection on command, but now when he was told to, he could bring
himself to arousal even when he was repulsed.
 
He tried to keep his hands steady as he grasped his cock; he closed his eyes
and began to pull on himself.
 
“Oh no, baby boy. You look at me; you always look at me. You know I like it
when I can see your beautiful eyes.” Jared opened his eyes and stared into the
blue ones, though there wasn’t much blue left to be seen; they were black and
dripping with lust.
 
Once Jared’s erection was curled towards his belly, strong hands wrapped around
his wrists and his arms were shoved above his head. It only took one hand to
keep him there, he didn’t dare struggle. He kept his eyes glued where he was
told, right up until he was spun around and slammed, face first against the
wall. His chest hit it with such force that he lost his breath for a moment.
 
His hands were pinned above him once more, and his legs were stretched apart.
His heart pounded in his chest as he felt the blunt end of a cock against his
opening. He wasn’t going to be prepped this time; he knew it shouldn’t surprise
him, prepping was something that rarely happened anymore, but this meant it was
going to hurt, a lot.
 
Now that he didn’t have to keep eye contact, Jared felt safe to squeeze his
eyes closed as the large cock was pushed inside him. He took his lip between
his teeth and tried—he really tried—to keep from crying out in pain when the
burn split him in two.
 
“Now, now, baby boy. You’re learning to become a man, and as a man, you can
take it, can’t you?” Jared could taste his tears falling down to his lips. “I
said can’t you?” The cock was thrust all the way in, and Jared’s legs buckled,
a scream escaping from deep within him. Frantically he nodded, knowing that if
he didn’t agree the pain would most likely get worse.
 
As it was, it didn’t matter. The next thrust was just as hard, just as deep.
His ass was on fire, every movement ripping him open just that little bit more.
The pain didn’t subside, it never did, and yet the same words were whispered in
his ear.
 
“Isn’t that good, baby boy? Doesn’t that feel amazing?” Jared nodded, clenching
his teeth together so hard it hurt, but it wasn’t enough to distract from the
now brutal thrusts into his broken body.
 
“Louder, I want to hear how much you’re loving it. Tell me how good it is?”
Jared opened his mouth to speak but the next thrust was so hard only a wail
came from his lips.
 
“Oh I know you like it hard, baby boy. And don’t worry, I’ll fuck you hard
before I finish.” Jared couldn’t imagine it being any harder. He was being torn
apart. “Now tell me how much you love it!”
 
“I-it’s so good,” Jared sobbed. “I l-love the—feel of you i-in me.” He really
tried to make it sound honest, but at this point, it didn’t matter.
 
“How do you want it, baby boy? Tell me what you want?” Jared knew what he was
supposed to say, but he still wondered what would happen if he said he wanted
it to stop, that it hurt, and he didn’t like it, not one bit.
 
“Harder,” Jared screamed and forced himself to press back against the violent
thrusts. It always pleased the man when Jared did that and often made it over
quicker. “God, please, harder. I-I want you to f-fuck me—so hard I feel y-you
for days.
 
“Your wish is my command.” Jared was surprised that the pushes into his body
did actually become harder; he hadn’t thought it possible. His hands were still
being held above his head against the wall, fingers bruising into his wrists,
but now they were released.
 
“Keep them there,” he was told, and he didn’t dare disobey.
 
Two hands grasped his hips, and he was pulled back against the man’s thrusts,
making each one go as deep as it could. Jared’s voice had long since abandoned
him, his mouth was open in a constant scream, but after having his mouth fucked
so many times and throwing up after and the sobbing and screaming, he had
nothing left; he was completely broken, and the only thing to betray his agony
now was the silent waterfall that cascaded from his eyes.
 
Then the man’s hand was a hand on his cock. The thrusts were becoming erratic,
but as always he knew he would have to come first. The hand on Jared was large
and experienced, it stroked him well and by force of habit, he memorised each
move to use back on the hand’s owner, knowing that everything that ever
happened, he was expected to learn from it.
 
“Now, come for me, baby boy,” the man’s voice was ragged, so near to its own
climax. “Come on, fucking come for me.” Jared concentrated, willed himself to
let go, to spurt his release. As he came, he felt nothing, no pleasure, no
thrill; he was completely numb.
 
A cry came from behind him, hips stuttered, and then he was being pushed
against the wall by an almost dead weight.
 
“There’s a good boy,” he was praised, making him feel like the family pet.
“Look at me.”
 
The cock was pulled from his body, and he could feel the release dripping from
his ass. He turned his head and raised his eyes to meet the blue ones and
watched as the come-covered hand was lifted to meet the man’s long pink tongue
so that he could taste it.
 
“Mmm, you taste so good, baby boy. Now, see how I like the taste of you? It’s
not too much to ask that you return the compliment is it?” Jared shook his head
as much as he could. Jared had left his hands above his head, pressed firmly
into the wall, as he hadn’t been told he could lower them yet.
 
“Now, taste it.” The man’s hand was pushed into his face and hovered there,
waiting. Tentatively, Jared reached out his tongue and licked along one finger;
suddenly the finger was forced inside his mouth.
 
“Suck it clean,” he was told; so that’s what he did. He sucked the finger, and
every following finger, until they were clean of his come. He swallowed it all
down and prayed silently that he didn’t gag this time. His stomach rolled, he
took deep breaths through his nose and somehow managed to keep control.
 
The body that was leaning against him moved back slightly, and without the
pressure holding him up, Jared slipped down the wall, collapsing on the floor.
His eyes drooped and his body trembled; he didn’t know how much more of this he
could take, but the thought of saying ‘no’ was almost more terrifying than
going through with it every time.
 
“Are you cold, baby boy?” he was asked. Jared nodded and wrapped his arms
around himself. He wasn’t cold; if anything he was hot, his skin warming him in
waves and adding to the sheen of sweat covering his naked form. But he couldn’t
say that he was shaking from the shock of what had been done to him, couldn’t
say that his mind was slowly giving up on him and that the idea of it terrified
him.
 
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep you warm.” Strong arms wrapped around him, and Jared
was pulled against a similarly naked body. Jared leaned in, letting himself be
held, kissed on his neck and shoulder. “I always take care of you, don’t I? I
always protect you. Don’t I?”
 
Jared nodded, a tremor shoving its way through him as he remembered how this
all started.
 
“So, what do you say?” Jared swallowed, his throat protesting at the movement.
 
“Thank you,” Jared said in as strong a voice as he could manage.
 
“For what?”
 
“For being so good to me. For making me feel so good. For giving me what I
need. For teaching me to be a man.” Jared reeled off the things he’d learned he
was supposed to say.
 
“You’re welcome, baby boy. I’m always here when you need me, you know that.”
 
Jared nodded again, his eyes falling closed. His mind reminded him that he
couldn’t fall asleep, that he had to get home, do his homework. But he couldn’t
stop the exhaustion from getting the better of him, so he curled into those
arms, and let his eyes close.
 
He hated that he found comfort in the arms of this man, the man who caused him
so much pain. But when it was like this, all soft kisses and gentle hands,
Jared knew he could let go and just be himself, sometimes he was even allowed
to cry it all out, and he would be rocked and shushed until he’d cried
everything he had. He’d be told that he’d always be safe there, that no one was
going to get to him while he was there. And he knew it was true.
 
“I love you, Jared,” he was told. “I do all this because I love you so very
much.”
 
“I love you, too,” Jared replied, and in some sick and twisted way, he meant
it.
 
 
Jared fell to his knees under the hot spray of the shower. The realisation of
what he’d done dawning on him in horrifying clarity.
 
I’d becomehim. His entire body shook violently, his mouth hung open in a silent
scream. Jared sat there for God knows how long, memories swirling around in his
head, memories of that time when he was sixteen, and many other times besides
that, and what had happened with Jensen just outside his door. He’d pinned
Jensen to the wall, just as he’d been pinned as a kid; he’d been relentless,
forceful. He’d ordered Jensen to come, like he’d trained himself to do. He’d
licked Jensen’s come from his hand and he’d liked it, just as he’d been told
to. He’d been a strange combination of himself and his training and him. Jared
had spent so long memorising everything he did; learning everything there was
to learn.
 
“Oh God, oh fucking hell,” Jared sobbed, reaching his hand up to turn off the
water. “What’s happening to me?”
 
He crawled out of the shower and dragged a towel off the rail, wrapping it
around him. He stayed curled up on the floor, his legs unable to hold his
weight and his mind to far gone to form thoughts about getting dressed.
 
He became lost in his memories of moments of tender love and hours of violent
pain. All images and feelings bombarding him as he shivered on the bathroom
floor.
 
 
Now, his head was pounding, replacing the constant ringing in his ears, he
tried to shut it out. All he wanted was peace, for his mind to go blank. He
could still feel hands on him, moving him, shaking him. He curled tighter in on
himself, and tried to block out the words whispered breathily in his ear as the
psychological pain wracked through his body.
 
“Jared, Jay,” the voice wouldn’t stop, the hands kept touching.
 
“Jay, it’s Sandy, come on honey, snap out of it.” Jared frowned, Sandy wasn’t
supposed to be here; she should leave before she got hurt too. “Jay, you’re
safe. You’re safe, honey. You’re in Seattle; he’s not here; he can’t hurt you
anymore. Come on, Jay, come back to me?”
 
Her voice was panicked, but her words made no sense. He was hurting Jared, all
the time; it never stopped. She should leave, Jared’d cause her to get hurt
too, if he ever found out she knew, God knows what he’d do.
 
Through bleary eyes Jared could make out the shape of Sandy. He reached for
her, forcing himself to his feet he made her move, made her get away from him.
 
“Go Sandy, you can’t be here; it’s not safe,” Jared told her, his voice barely
about a whisper.
 
“Jared, Jay, stop. You’re hurting me; Jared let go,” Sandy begged, her voice
sad and scared.
 
“What?” Jared blinked. He was hurting her? No he was protecting her!
 
“Jay, look at me?” she pleaded.
 
Jared blinked again, his eyes focusing on the blurry form in front of him, on
his hands gripping Sandy’s arms bruisingly tight.
 
“Sandy?”
 
“Yes Jay. We’re in Seattle, remember? You’re in your apartment, and you’re
safe, okay, you’re safe here.” Sandy’s words brought new images to his mind,
images of him and Sandy sitting on his sofa, throwing popcorn at each other,
drinking beer, dancing in clubs.
 
“Oh God, Sand,” Jared whimpered and released his hold on her. She didn’t run,
she didn’t back away, she simply caught him in her arms as he sank to the
floor; Sandy didn’t care that he was completely naked, the towel he’d wrapped
himself in left and forgotten on the bathroom floor.
 
“It’s okay, Jay. I’m here; it’s okay now,” Sandy soothed him, rocking him
gently and stroking his now-dry and messy hair.
 
“What have I become, Sand?” he asked her, begging her for answers he knew she
couldn’t possibly possess. “What’s happening to me?”
 
Sandy just held him, calmed him. He didn’t know how long they sat huddled
together on the floor, but eventually Jared’s shivers were from the cold and
not the fear.
 
“You ready to get dressed?” Sandy asked quietly.
 
Jared nodded and let her lead him into the bedroom. She sat him on the bed and
collected some clothes for him, some boxers, a pair of sweat pants, and an old
comfortable t-shirt. He nodded to let her know that he could dress himself.
 
“How did you know?” he asked her softly.
 
“You didn’t show up at work, and Tom said he couldn’t get hold of you. You
weren’t answering your phone,” she explained.
 
Jared nodded in understanding. Sandy had let herself in; she’d always had a key
to his place, for moments just like this one. It was a comfort to Jared to know
that she could always get to him when nothing and no one else could reach him,
when he was too far gone.
 
“You get dressed, I’m just gonna phone Tom, and tell him you’re sick and won’t
be at work tonight, okay?”
 
Jared watched her go, flipping her phone open as she went. He could hear her as
he pulled on his clothes, telling Tom she’d found him in the bathroom, and that
he was really sick, that she was going to stay with him and make sure he was
alright. He smiled a little, this wasn’t the first time she’d lied to Tom for
him, telling Tom that Jared was sick and couldn’t come to work.
 
Jared’s eyes drifted over his bed; he remembered Jensen laying between his
sheets, felt his body against him. That had been him, the real Jared—the thrill
in his bones as Jensen had kissed him, the erection he’d formed as a result of
Jensen’s touch, of touching Jensen, that was how he wanted it to be, if only he
could get past his fears, get past the torment that entered his mind when he
tried to be happy.
 
He’d always avoided this, never getting involved with anyone, never meeting
anyone he’d want to take the chance with. But Jensen? He made Jared feel safe
just by holding his hand; he saw the affection in Jensen’s eyes and could drown
in them.
 
“Hey, how you feeling?” Sandy asked gently as she came back in the room.
 
“Better, thanks,” Jared said honestly. He stood from the bed, and he and Sandy
went to curl up on the sofa.
 
“You want to talk about it?” Sandy leaned back against the arm of the couch,
and Jared curled up over her, resting his head on her belly as she stroked his
hair. “What did you mean, ‘what have you become’?”
 
Jared sighed and stared at the blank screen of the television. “Jensen stayed
here this afternoon, he came back with me after class and slept in my bed,”
Jared started with the easy bit. Sandy didn’t comment, she just carded her hand
through his hair while her other hand gripped his shoulder lightly, letting him
know it was alright.
 
“When we woke up, he kissed me, and it was amazing, Sand. It was like nothing
I’ve ever experienced before.”
 
“Kissing can be like that,” Sandy said with a smile in her voice. She knew
Jared didn’t have the experience to compare to.
 
“Then it got pretty intense,” Jared paused and felt Sandy squeeze his shoulder
more firmly. “But it was still good, you know? I liked it, until—until it
started feeling wrong on the inside, like all these amazing things I was
feeling, what my body was going through was forbidden, that I was being
unfaithful,” his voice started to crack.
 
“You know that’s not true, Jay. You don’t belong to anyone but yourself,” Sandy
stated firmly.
 
“I know, I do know that, but—it’s like, with kissing him, kissing Jensen, it
feels right, you know? It feels perfect. Like I’ve come that far, that I can
allow myself to have that. But when it comes to having more, I just haven’t
gotten that far yet, and I don’t know if I can keep up with the speed things
are moving. I was about to break, Sand, and I had no idea what would happen if
I did.”
 
“And that’s what triggered this?” she asked kindly, no judgment or accusation
in her voice.
 
“No, it’s what came after. Fuck, I became another person; I was out of
control,” Jared told her, tears falling from his eyes as he remembered what
he’d done.
 
“What do you mean, Jay? What did you do?” Jared could hear the worry she was
trying so desperately to hide.
 
“It was only supposed to be a kiss, to say goodbye,” Jared said meekly, turning
his head into her stomach more, trying to hide from the horrible truth of it
all. “But it was more, I—I wasn’t me, Sand, I was more like—him.” His body
shook, and Sandy stopped brushing his hair to hold him tight against her.
 
“But he liked it, he asked for more and I—I gave it to him. I made him want it.
I touched him until he came apart in my hands, until I told him too. That’s not
me, Sandy, that’s him. I was becoming him.” Jared broke down, tears soaking
into Sandy top.
 
~~~
 
Sandy shuffled down a little until she was laying under Jared, holding him
close to her and letting him get it all out.
 
Even though she knew that this is what he used to do, she also knew that
sometimes it was the only thing that calmed Jared down. So she held him,
pressed kisses into his skin and told him everything was okay.
 
Eventually Jared fell asleep, his face still streaked with tears, his body
exhausted. Sandy stayed, she quietly called Chris and cancelled their date for
the night, told him something had come up and she was sorry, that she’d make it
up to him.
 
Sandy didn’t move until Jared’s dream made him thrash so badly, his arms and
legs swinging around wildly, she had to get out of the way for her own safety;
she called to him from a distance, waited for him to come out of it, and then
she held him again. She didn’t sleep that night. Four times Jared woke up
screaming, and each time she was there to calm him down.
 
She knew he’d be full of apologies in the morning, just like she knew she would
shake them off. She’d do anything for Jared; she loved him more than anyone
else in the world. He was her brother in so many ways that blood could never
create, and she would die to protect him.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Part 8
 
Jared insisted on going to work the next night, Tuesday. Sandy tried to talk
him out of it, begged him to stay home with her and watch some crap on TV, but
he told her he couldn’t let Tom down again and that he needed the air anyway.
Jared felt like the walls of his apartment were starting to close in on him.
 
He paused once when he left his place to stare at the wall where he’d pinned
Jensen, where he’d brought him off and—no, he wasn’t going to think about it.
 
When he got to work, he assured Tom that he felt much better and thanked him
for not being mad.
 
Tom had laughed at him and said that Jared couldn’t help it if he was sick.
 
When Tom went into the back for some more stock, Jared poured himself a shot of
tequila, quickly followed by another one. It calmed his nerves, and he started
work.
 
Normally when people offered to buy him drinks, Jared refused, but tonight he
accepted each and every one of them. He let some guy chat him up until Sandy
arrived, and when the guy saw an excited Jared grab her and kiss her, he
figured he’d read everything wrong and left. Jared didn’t care, he wasn’t
really interested, but it had been fun to see how the guy looked at him.
 
Sandy frowned at him when he served her a drink, and asked if he was drunk.
Jared winked at her and explained that he felt great, better than he had in a
while, and that she shouldn’t worry.
 
In reality, Jared was crumbling inside, fighting so hard to keep a grip on
himself. He had thought that having a few drinks would’ve kept his mind off his
problems, but they’d only made things worse, and the worse the problems became
the more he drank.
 
Eventually, Tom sent him home, said he couldn’t serve drinks when he was
spilling more than he was leaving in the glasses. Sandy assured Tom she would
make sure Jared was okay, and yet again she called and cancelled on Chris.
 
When they started towards Jared apartment, he froze and grabbed her arm.
 
“No, Sand. I don’t want to go back there, not tonight,” he slurred at her.
 
“Alright, Jay. You can come back to mine, come on,” she told him and held him
up while he staggered down the street with her.
 
Jared was asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow; he slept through the
night, no dreams haunting him. He woke in the morning with his stomach
cramping, and he had to run to the bathroom to empty his guts of all the
alcohol he’d consumed on an empty stomach.
 
Sandy brought him a glass of water and told him what he’d done the night
before; Jared rested his head on the toilet seat and groaned; he felt awful,
not just physically, but because of what he’d done too. Sandy helped him back
to bed where he fell asleep again, but this time his dreams returned, and he
woke up screaming.
 
~~~
Jensen sat on the table watching the door. He’d long since tidied away the
equipment, and his last student had left over twenty minutes ago.
 
He looked at his watch. Where is he?
 
Jensen had been so excited about today, the last time he’d seen Jared had been
amazing. Admittedly, Jared giving him the best hand job of his life in the hall
of his apartment building had been the last thing he had expected to happen.
Jared didn’t seem like the type to be an exhibitionist, but he’d swept Jensen
away on a tsunami of pleasure, and it had been impossible to get off the ride
once it had begun. And God, when Jared had licked the come from his hand, his
eyes locked with Jensen’s the whole time, Jesus, it was almost enough to make
Jensen hard all over again.
 
Waking up next to Jared on Monday had given Jensen such a thrill, and it was
something he was hoping he’d get to experience again.
 
He’d left Jared’s with a smile and had been giddy all the way through work that
night and every second of Tuesday, unable to stop thinking about where they
could go to lunch on Wednesday.
 
He’d felt a little sorry for being in such a good mood when Chris had turned up
at The Lithe for a drink on Monday, saying that Sandy had ditched him without a
proper explanation, and he was flying solo that night. What made it worse, was
that she’d done the same thing last night as well, Chris had turned up again,
complaining that he’d got nothing other than something had come up and she
couldn’t make it. It had been strange seeing Chris so down about it, normally
he wouldn’t care and would just move on, but he seemed to really like Sandy.
So, Jensen had promised himself he’d ask Jared if he knew what was wrong, and
if Sandy was actually giving Chris the brush off.
 
But, Jared hadn’t shown up for class today; Jensen hadn’t been prepared for
that. He looked at his watch again. Forty minutes since his class had ended,
and he knew he had to clear the room so it could be used by someone else soon.
 
Defeated, Jensen left the building. He’d really thought Jared would show up. So
what that he missed the class, Jensen didn’t really care about that, but
ditching him for their lunch date? That hit him harder than he would’ve thought
it would.
 
Guess I have to admit I’m falling for the guy, he thought to himself, and
honestly, he didn’t have a problem with that, except when Jared didn’t show up
for dates. Jensen cursed himself for not exchanging phone numbers with him, and
the only contact number he’d been given when he’d been enrolled was for Tom’s
bar.
 
He’s probably just sick or something, and he doesn’t have my number, so he
couldn’t call and let me know. Yeah, that sounded reasonable enough. Jensen
grinned at himself and made his way to the coffee shop.
 
 
With coffee and rolls in his hand Jensen stood outside Jared’s apartment and
waited for an answer. There was none. He knocked again. Still nothing. He
called Jared’s name, but got no reply. With slumped shoulders, he left the
apartment building and went home.
 
He had nothing else to do today; he’d made sure his schedule was clear so he
could spend the afternoon with Jared.
 
Jensen sat at home and flicked through TV channels, but not one single program
caught his interest. He tried to put on a movie, but couldn’t concentrate on
it. Finally, he gave up and called Chris to see if he and Steve wanted to do
something, and within an hour he was sitting at Steve’s place, nursing a beer
with Chris’s sympathetic arm over his shoulder.
 
“I know how you feel, buddy,” Chris told him. “But at least I got called before
I got ditched.”
 
“Yeah man, being stood up? That sucks,” Steve added and Jensen rolled his eyes.
 
“Gee, thanks, guys. You’re really making me feel a whole lot better,” he
complained.
 
“S’what we’re here for, dude,” Chris said, slapping him on the back before
going and getting himself another beer.
 
“I was just looking forward to seeing him, you know?” Jensen mumbled.
 
“Oh, Jen, you’ve got it bad, don’t ya?” Steve whined. “Well, I hope this isn’t
a sign of how he’s going to treat you in future, ‘cause, as your friend, I’m
not sure I can take another bitch in your life.”
 
“Thanks for your support, Steve,” Jensen grumbled but knew he was right.
 
“It’s true, Jen. And I don’t think you can take it either. But honestly, I
didn’t think Jared was the type to be an asshole,” Steve told him.
 
“Nah, me neither,” Chris agreed. “From what Sandy said, he’s the best guy in
the world, wouldn’t hurt a fly type.”
 
“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too,” Jensen nodded and drank his beer.
 
“Right, well,” Steve blurted, slapping his thigh as he sat forward in his
chair. “None of us are working tonight, so I suggest we make a night of it, go
out, have a few drinks, maybe get you two laid.”
 
“Sounds good to me, except the getting laid part,” Jensen agreed.
 
“I second that,” Chris said and raised his beer in the air; it was quickly
joined by two others as the three men clinked bottles and grinned at each
other.
 
 
Jensen laughed as they made their way down the street. It had been a good night
so far, and they were on their way to find another bar. He and Steve were
wrestling as they walked, seeing who could pin the other to the sidewalk or
surrounding buildings.
 
They ignored it when Chris’s cell rang because Jensen had Steve in a headlock
that he was floundering to get out of.
 
“Hey, Chris. What’s up?” Jensen called, knowing he only had a few more seconds
to hold on before he was declared the winner.
 
“Change of plans, guys,” Chris called. “That was Sandy; we’re all going to
Tom’s.”
 
Jensen released Steve, and stared at Chris like he’d just told him he was
pregnant. Had he seriously said they were going to Tom’s?
 
“We’re what?” he questioned, the thought of going to Tom’s had never occurred
to him.
 
“Going to Tom’s. Sandy called; she said she’s there and wants to meet up; I
said we’d go,” Chris explained.
 
“Okay, why not,” Steve shrugged; he didn’t care as long as there was alcohol
and women. Jensen hesitated.
 
“Jared’s there,” Chris told him, like he was hanging the idea in front of his
face, like bait. “Could be time to get those answers.”
 
Jensen wasn’t sure if the thought that Jared was actually working tonight made
him mad or if he was relieved. It meant he wasn’t on his death bed, but it also
meant that Jensen would actually get to see him.
 
“Yeah okay; let’s go,” Jensen agreed with a smile.
 
 
Sandy came bouncing toward them as soon as they entered Tom’s; she launched
herself into Chris’s arms and kissed him on the lips.
 
“I’ve missed you,” she said softly, her eyes shining as she stared into his.
Chris just grinned at her and kissed her again. Jensen knew that if he and
Steve hadn’t been there, Chris would have been confessing that he’d missed her
too.
 
Smiling at the adorable couple, Jensen and Steve headed to the bar. Just as
they approached, Jensen saw the tall, floppy haired figure of Jared coming out
from the back, a crate of bottles in his arms. Jared didn’t notice Jensen and
Steve, in fact, he didn’t look around at all, he just kept his head down and
started filling the fridge. Jared was pale, and Jensen wondered if he had
actually been sick that morning.
 
They were greeted by a tall, dark-haired man; his big blue eyes smiled at them
as he took their order. The guy was handsome, Jensen had to admit that, but he
had nothing on Jared.
 
Jensen watched Jared work, wondering how long it would take for the man to
notice him.
 
“Hey Sandy, put him down and introduce me to the man already,” the dark haired
guy yelled across the bar to the entrance where Chris and Sandy were still
necking.
 
“Shut up, Tom, I’m just saying hello is all,” Sandy yelled back, but she
grabbed Chris’s hand and pulled him across the room, Chris trailed behind, a
happy smile on his face.
 
At the sound of Sandy and Tom’s banter, Jared looked up, straight into Jensen’s
eyes. He had that deer-in-the-headlights look, before Jared was standing and
walking over to them.
 
“Tom, this is Chris, Steve, and Jensen. Everyone, this is Tom, he owns the bar,
but we try not to let it go to his head,” Sandy was making the introductions
and Tom started shaking hands.
 
“Ah, Jensen. The guy that runs the flair bartending class I sent Jared to,
right?” Tom smiled a big, wide, friendly smile.
 
“That’s me,” Jensen smiled back. “So, you’re going to be the competition?”
 
“Oh, I doubt I’ll be able to contend with the Lithe, but I hope my regulars
stick around. I’m still going to have everything I have here, but the whole
place it going to be re-done and the cocktails are going to be the main event,”
Tom explained excitedly From Sandy’s fond smile, Jensen figured that Tom always
got like that when he talked about upgrading.
 
“So, are you going to have any entertainment?” Steve asked, and Jensen zoned
him out he hoped that Tom would think about hiring them, not that they needed
the extra business; they were a pretty popular local band, doing lots of gigs
around Pioneer Square. Instead, he focused on Jared, who was standing in front
of him, shifting from one foot to the other.
 
“Hey,” Jensen said quietly. Jared raised his eyes to meet Jensen’s and offered
a weak smile.
 
“Hey,” he replied.
 
“You stood me up,” Jensen told him, as if he didn’t already know. He tried to
hide how upset it made him but he was sure it didn’t work.
 
“I know, I’m really sorry. I—kinda—got a bit too drunk last night and ended up
spending the morning attached to Sandy’s toilet,” Jared said sheepishly,
obviously embarrassed, but Jensen was pleased that Jared had told the truth and
didn’t try to make up some lie that would make him look good—like what, Jensen
didn’t know, but Jared could’ve said he saved some kid from getting run over
and spent the night in hospital, or something equally as stupid.
 
“Ouch, are you feeling better now?” Jensen asked, taking in Jared’s pale face.
 
“Yeah, I’m okay, just a bit tired. But I gotta earn the bucks, you know?” Jared
shrugged. “I would’ve called you, but I didn’t have your number.”
 
“Yeah, I’ve been kicking myself over that all day,” Jensen laughed and was
happy when Jared chuckled, his smile lighting up his whole face. “Well, hey,
let’s do it now.”
 
“Oh yeah, okay. Just let me get my cell,” Jared agreed and headed out back,
presumably to retrieve his phone.
 
Jensen looked around and caught Tom looking at him with a strange expression;
he smiled at him and Tom nodded in return, before turning his attention back to
his conversation with Steve and now also Chris.
 
Then Jared was heading back, so Jensen took out his cell and set it up to save
a new number.
 
“Here,” Jared handed him his phone. “Type it in?” Jensen took Jared’s cell and
handed him his own, before typing in his number. They exchanged their phones
back.
 
Jared looked at the number for a second and smiled, before slipping his cell
into his back pocket. He was about to say something when he was called away by
waiting customers.
 
Jensen watched Jared work; when he had the chance he leaned over the bar and
chatted with him, he and Tom also kept his, Chris, Steve, and Sandy’s drinks
filled without asking for any money; they just replaced them when they were
empty and moved off to serve someone else.
 
Jensen laughed and joked with everyone, shots were spread around, and the night
flew by pretty quickly.
 
When things slowed down, Tom tossed Jared a beer and Jared held it up in a
salute before popping the cap and taking a long drink.
 
“Ah, nothing like the hair of the dog, as the Brits would say,” Jared grinned
at Jensen, taking another swig.
 
“Okay Jay, you can clock out now if you’d like,” Tom called over. Jensen looked
around the bar; he hadn’t noticed the place getting quieter; it was later than
he thought.
 
“Awesome Tom, thanks,” Jared called back, and before he went around to the
front of the bar, he grabbed another couple of beers and handed one to Jensen.
He slipped onto the stool beside Jensen and smiled sheepishly at him.
 
“Hey,” Jensen smiled.
 
“Hey,” Jared replied. “I’m really glad you came tonight.”
 
“Yeah, me too. I was afraid you’d ditched me,” Jensen said honestly.
 
“What? God no,” Jared assured quickly. “I just—I’ve gotta say sorry—about the
other night,” Jared said, his shoulders rising around his neck and his eyes
avoiding contact.
 
“Sorry? What have you got to be sorry for?” Jensen asked, surprised. “Jay, the
other night was amazing; I’ve never—it was—God Jay, it was awesome.”
 
“Yeah,” Jared said, but he didn’t seem too happy about it. “You really liked
it, huh?”
 
Jensen took Jared’s hands and made him look him in the eye. “Of course I liked
it; I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t,” he told him, hoping that he was
reassuring him. “Hey, c’mere?”
 
Jensen pulled on Jared’s hands until he slipped off his stool and was standing
between his legs.
 
“Kiss me?” Jensen requested, when Jared bit his lip Jensen decided to take the
initiative and leaned towards him. When their lips met Jared appeared hesitant
at first but when Jensen tugged him closer, keeping his kisses soft, Jared
seemed to relax and lean into the kiss. Jensen smiled against Jared’s lips when
he felt Jared’s hand slide against his waist and him step a little closer.
 
“Wow, okay you two,” Tom’s voice broke into their moment. “I’ve got enough of
those two making out in front of everyone; I don’t need you doing it too.”
 
Jensen shot Tom an annoyed look but had to smile when Tom winked at them. Jared
was chuckling quietly and rested his head against Jensen’s. Jensen could hear
Sandy giving Tom an earful and had to laugh, Jared obviously heard it too and
they grinned at each other.
 
They sat together for a while, hands intertwined, having a few more drinks and
a couple of shots. Suddenly, Chris’s arm appeared around Jensen’s neck and his
friend pulled him backwards.
 
“Me and Sandy are gonna take off, you two gonna be okay?” Chris grinned at
them.
 
“Yeah sure, where’s Steve?” Jensen said, looking around for his other friend.
 
“Man, you’re so out of it, Steve left ages ago, sick of feeling like a fifth
wheel,” Chris smirked. Sandy joined him, and Chris slipped an arm around her
waist, she leaned in happily and kissed him under the chin.
 
“Okay man, you two have fun,” Jensen grinned.
 
He noticed Sandy looking at Jared over his shoulder and was tempted to look
back and see the look Jared was giving her, but he let them have their moment
and saw Sandy nod. Her expression was a little unsure, even worried but she
said goodbye and let Chris lead her away.
 
“You want another drink?” Jared asked Jensen before he could bring up Sandy’s
behaviour.
 
“Yeah sure,” Jensen agreed, even though he was pretty damn drunk already.
 
“Okay, why don’t you grab a table and I’ll be back in a minute?” Jared
suggested. Jensen figured it would give them more privacy so he agreed and went
to a table in the corner, away from prying eyes.
 
When Jared returned, he carried a tray with two beers and four shots. He set
them down on the table and slipped into the seat across from Jensen. For a
moment Jensen wondered why Jared was putting the table in between them but when
he put his hand on the table, palm up and Jared took it without hesitation he
didn’t worry.
 
“So, I’m really sorry I missed our date today,” Jared said softly.
 
“Hey, that’s okay, no harm done,” Jensen assured him. “And now that I have your
number, it won’t happen again.”
 
“I wanted to talk to you about the other night,” Jared said hesitantly.
 
“Hey, I already told you it was okay,” Jensen told him, gripping his hand
tightly. “It was good, Jay, don’t worry so much.”
 
Jared opened his mouth as if to speak again but instead he closed it and downed
one of the shots.
 
“I really like you, Jensen,” Jared said while staring into the bottom of his
empty shot glass.
 
“I really like you, too, Jared,” Jensen said seriously. “I mean, you’re the
first guy I’ve been with in a long time.” Jared snapped his gaze up to him
suddenly.
 
“What do you mean by that?” he asked, a slight frown on his face, and Jensen
suddenly realised what he’d said.
 
“I mean—I haven’t been with another guy since high school,” Jensen admitted, he
half kicked himself for letting that slip but he wanted to be honest with
Jared.
 
“Really?” Jared asked, disbelief in his voice.
 
“Well yeah,” Jensen shrugged a little.
 
“How come?” Jared questioned curiously.
 
Jensen took a breath, trying to decide what to tell him, eventually he decided
on the truth.
 
“We’d been going out a while; we were really serious about each other. I’d been
with other guys before him, you know, just fucking around, but he was the first
guy I was serious about. So, we talked about it, and I decided it was time to
tell my parents about him,” he paused, remembering that day so clearly even
though it had been a long time since he’d thought about it.
 
“What did they say?” Jared asked quietly.
 
“My dad was awesome; he was so understanding. He said that they’d love me no
matter what, and he was really happy that I could trust them with that part of
my life. But then—” Jensen frowned, picturing it in his head. “My mom flipped
out, said she forbade me to be with other guys, said that she wouldn’t have
that kind of filth in her house. I tried to tell her that I had a boyfriend,
and that I had no intention of breaking up with him, and she went crazy. She
actually started throwing things, first around the room and then at me.
 
“Didn’t your dad stop her? Try to get her to come around?” Jared asked as
though he couldn’t believe Jensen’s dad had done nothing.
 
“No. There wasn’t a chance that my dad would’ve contradicted my mom. She had
him so far under her thumb; he would do and feel anything she said. After that,
when I asked him he said that he agreed with my mom, and that what he’d said
before was wrong, and I shouldn’t think of it again. Anyway, she scared the
crap out of me, I wasn’t sure what she’d do, so, I eventually promised that I
wouldn’t see other guys anymore, and broke it off with my boyfriend. God, he
was so mad, called me a cock tease. He said he never wanted to see me again,
that I’d broken his heart.” Jensen stared at his and Jared’s combined hands, he
couldn’t believe he’d just told him all that; he hadn’t spoken about this stuff
in years.
 
“It was my dad that flipped out at me,” Jared said so quietly Jensen had to
strain to hear him. Jared’s hand shook in Jensen’s so Jensen squeezed a little
tighter, hoping to show support. “He was—well, he was pretty violent about it.
I had to leave town to get away from him.”
 
Jared avoided Jensen’s eyes, his skin paled slightly. Jensen picked up his hand
and pressed his lips against his knuckles.
 
“How did your mom take it?” Jensen probed gently. Jared shrugged.
 
“I dunno, I wasn’t allowed to talk to her; I don’t even know what my dad told
her, if she knows why I left,” Jared admitted, the quiver in his voice
betraying how upsetting a memory it was.
 
“Well I hope she would’ve taken it better than my mom. My mom said she wouldn’t
be parent to a kid who took it up the ass. Which was funny really, ‘cause I’ve
never bottomed in my life,” Jensen laughed bitterly.
 
“I have,” Jared murmured quietly.
 
“What?” Jensen asked. Jared looked up, as though he was shocked that he’d said
it out loud.
 
“Oh, well; I’ve never topped,” he confessed, a deep flush darkening his cheeks,
and Jensen smiled endearingly. “I—I was always the one who—I had to—be the
bottom.” Jared looked so embarrassed; Jensen just wanted to hug him.
 
“Well that works out well then,” Jensen joked, hoping to lighten to suddenly
dark mood that covered their conversation.
 
Jared huffed out a laugh, “Yeah, I guess,” he said humourlessly.
 
~~~
 
Four_Years_Ago
 
Jared burst through the door, calling out as he hoped for someone, anyone to be
home. Within seconds, his dad, Jerry, was rushing out of the kitchen and
meeting him where he’d been searching in the living room.
 
“Dad, I need to talk to you—need to tell you something. I don’t know what to
do, I need your help. I thought I could handle it but—” Jared couldn’t stop his
rambling; he just wanted to pour everything out in one go but he couldn’t get
it into a coherent mix of words.
 
“Whoa, Jared. Calm down.”
 
“Please don’t be mad, dad. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before—”
 
“Jared, you can tell me anything, you know that.” Relief flooded Jared’s bones
and he slumped forward into his fathers arms. He tried to concentrate on
slowing his breathing, but as soon as he opened his mouth to explain, the
babbling took over again.
 
“I was stupid, dad. But I fell in love—”
 
“Hey, shhh, it’s okay. We all do stupid things when we’re in love.” Jerry’s
voice was so soft and understanding, Jared soaked it up and used it to fuel the
strength he needed to finally tell the truth. “What happened?”
 
“We— well we— you know?” Jared mumbled shyly into his dad’s chest, his heart
pounding as strong arms held even tighter, comforting him.
 
“You had sex?” he asked kindly. Jared nodded, his mind suddenly running through
everything he still had to tell, because compared to everything else that piece
of news was nothing.
 
“I thought he loved me; he always said he did, but now he -” Jared was pushed
roughly back, and Jerry stared into his eyes.
 
“Wait. He?”
 
Jared looked at his dad in shock, taking in the look of disgust on his face and
cringing.
 
“He, boy?” Jerry demanded heatedly.
 
Jared could only nod, the movement causing his unshed tears to fall down his
cheeks. Jerry separated from him as though repelled by some infectious disease.
 
“You disgusting little— You’re telling me you let some filthy fag do you up the
ass?”
 
“Dad, please?”
 
Jared didn’t even see the backhand coming; he just felt his lip splitting as he
was sent sprawling into the china cabinet. His head crashed through the glass
doors, and the shelves of his mom’s best china broke around him.
 
Before Jared could react to the dozens of cuts slicing through his body, his
dad was hauling him to his feet with a tight hand to his throat, effectively
cutting off his oxygen supply. Then, he was being slammed painfully against the
wall, Jerry not even flinching at the tears mixing with blood splattered all
over Jared’s face.
 
Jared had never seen such a look of hate in his dad’s eyes, his lips pulled
into a vile snarl as he stared into his son’s terrified eyes.
 
“Dad—” Was all Jared could manage to force past the burning fingers choking the
life from him. Jerry leaned in and growled in Jared’s ear.
 
“I’m not your dad. I have no son. You murdered him the moment you let someone
shove their dick up your fucking ass.” He pulled back to look Jared squarely in
the eyes. “Now, I’m going to go meet my wife from work, I want you gone before
we get back.” His words were spoken with a deadly calm, but his eyes betrayed a
violent flare that burned Jared’s heart to ashes.
 
With a final shove to the throat that sent Jared’s head hard into the wall
behind him, Jerry released his grip. Jared watched his father head towards to
front door, following weakly behind him.
 
“Dad?” he called out, but it was as though he no longer existed. “Can’t I at
least talk to mom?”
 
Jared suddenly found himself on his back with the stairs digging bruises into
his spine.
 
“If you so much as say one word to her—” Jerry’s hand made a vice-like grip on
Jared’s balls, through his jeans, and Jared yelled in agony. “I will rip you
dick off and shove it down your throat, just the way you like it, before I make
you choke on it. Now get the fuck out of my house.”
 
As soon as he was let up, Jared ran stumbling for the door, not even caring
that he was abandoning every possession he owned. All he knew was that he was
leaving behind the only life he’d ever known and loved.
 
***
 
“Come on guys, time to make a move,” Tom interrupted their deep conversation,
taking away their empty glasses.
 
“It’s closing time already?” Jared asked, reaching for Jensen’s wrist and
twisting it so he could look at his watch. Jensen let out a little yelp when he
twisted his arm a little far but chuckled at the apologetic look Jared shot
him.
 
“Yep, come on, I wanna go home,” Tom grinned before walking away.
 
Jensen looked around, the bar was empty except for them, and he hadn’t even
noticed people leaving. He and Jared had been talking about all sorts of
things, laughing and joking. He figured time really did fly when you had fun,
and that sucked.
 
Reluctantly, they left Tom’s and started down the street. Jensen took Jared’s
hand in his as they walked, smiling as they bumped shoulders.
 
He hadn’t even been paying attention to where they were going, until they were
climbing the stairs and stopping on front of Jared’s front door.
 
His eyes fell to the wall where Jared had given him that amazing orgasm, and
just the memory of it turned him on.
 
“Shit,” Jared cursed, getting Jensen’s attention again.
 
“What is it?” he asked.
 
“I left my keys back at Tom’s,” Jared complained.
 
“Oh, what are you going to do?” Jensen asked, trying not to laugh, the alcohol
making it a whole lot funnier.
 
“It’s okay, I have a spare around here somewhere,” Jared mumbled and started
searching around his front door. He eventually found a key behind a broken
piece of a light fixture. “Lucky they never fix anything around here,” Jared
laughed and let them inside.
 
“You want another beer?” Jared asked, going into the kitchen.
 
“Thanks,” Jensen called. He was already pretty damn drunk, but if meant he got
to stay longer he was game for anything. All he really wanted to do was kiss
Jared.
 
Jared returned and handed him a beer; Jensen popped the top and took a swig. It
was cold and refreshing, and it slid down his throat just right.
 
“So,” Jensen said, nervous now that the flow of conversation had stopped. He
moved closer to Jared, wanting to feel his warmth.
 
“So,” Jared mimicked as he drank his beer down.
 
“So, it’s been a long night,” Jensen said, stating the obvious.
 
“It’s been a long couple of days,” Jared said absently.
 
“And I’ve only kissed you once since Monday,” Jensen said and bit his lip as he
took another step towards Jared.
 
Jared’s eyes flicked to Jensen’s lips, the hazel in them darkening as he
watched Jensen worry the skin with his teeth. “That’s true,” he said and placed
his beer on the counter.
 
Jensen’s heart started to beat harder as Jared’s hand came to his hip, and he
stepped into his personal space, space he was more than willing to share.
 
“I’m gonna forget what it’s like at this rate,” Jensen teased, his voice just
above a whisper.
 
“That’s just not allowed,” Jared replied as his other hand cupped Jensen’s face
and tipped his head up slightly. Jared smiled down at him, his eyes tracing
Jensen’s features. Then his lips were lowering to Jensen’s, the hand on
Jensen’s hip tugging him closer. Jensen parted his lips and closed his eyes in
anticipation.
 
When Jared’s mouth finally touched his, Jensen caught his breath. Sliding a
hand around Jared’s neck, he opened his mouth, hoping Jared would take the
offering. He groaned when Jared slipped his tongue inside, relishing the
feeling of it sliding against his own in a long, slow caress.
 
Jensen allowed himself to swim in the sensations Jared’s kisses caused, feeling
every nerve tingle as Jared’s hands slid down his back and pulled him until
they were as close as they could get. Then he was being walked backwards, Jared
guiding him until his legs came in contact with the sofa. As Jared tipped
him—holding his weight in impressively strong arms until Jensen’s back was
lying against the couch—Jensen stretched out his arm to place his beer bottle
as far away from them as he could.
 
Jared leaned over him, breaking their kiss to gaze down at him, a small, meek
smile tipping at the corners of his mouth.
 
“I’ve missed you,” Jensen said suddenly; he hadn’t meant to; he’d been thinking
it sure, but he never meant to say it out loud.
 
“I missed you, too,” Jared whispered before closing their mouths together
again.
 
His kiss was slow, deliberate, nothing like it had been out in the corridor,
but Jensen thought he liked this better. It was like Jared was putting all his
emotions and feelings into that kiss, trying to tell Jensen things he couldn’t
voice on his own.
 
Slowly, Jared pressed his body against Jensen’s, pulling a moan from Jensen’s
lips. Jensen ran his hands over Jared’s back, arching his body into him,
needing to be closer. Gradually he slipped his fingertips under the hem of
Jared’s t-shirt; Jared shivered above him when he connected with his skin, and
Jensen smiled against his lips. Keeping with the slow movements Jared was
taking, Jensen carefully moved his hand up Jared’s back, feeling the muscles
under his skin flex as they were used to stop Jared crushing him.
 
Jared moved his kisses down over Jensen’s cheek until he was nuzzling at his
neck. Jensen opened his mouth and closed his eyes. The speed was torture, an
over stimulation of pleasure that was causing his breathing to become heavy
with want. Jared continued to press against him, increasing the pressure before
backing off again, then putting it back, all the while caressing Jensen’s neck
with his lips.
 
Jensen couldn’t take much more; he pulled on Jared’s t-shirt, tugging it over
Jared’s head. The move seemed to stump Jared for a moment, but then he got with
the program and let Jensen remove the piece of clothing. Jensen gasped when
Jared’s torso was revealed to him; his skin was tanned and rippled with
muscles.
 
“My God, Jay. You’re beautiful,” Jensen whispered in awe. Jared tensed for a
moment, stopping all his movements. “Jay?”
 
“Thank you,” Jared said timidly and hid his face in Jensen’s neck.
 
“I’m just speaking the truth, Jared,” Jensen told him. When Jared raised his
head his eyes were shining. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
 
Jared shook his head. “Nothing, it’s just—being with you, the way you make me
feel, the way you see me—I’ve never, no ones ever—it’s amazing,” Jared tried to
explain.
 
“That’s because you’re amazing,” Jensen smiled and brushed back Jared’s hair.
Jared bit his lip and lowered his eyes. “Hey,” Jensen called softly and waited
for Jared to look back at him. “Kiss me?” It was a request, not an order and
Jared smiled as though he’d been given permission.
 
This time when their lips met, there was firmness and an authority that took
Jensen’s breath away. He ran his hands over Jared’s naked back and over his
shoulders to glide down his chest, feeling every indentation he could find,
teasing his nipples until Jared had to stop kissing him to gasp.
 
“Jen, I wish—if only—” Jared panted against his ear, rubbing the skin of their
cheeks together as he nuzzled against him.
 
“What, Jay? What do you wish?” Jensen replied breathlessly.
 
“Uh—a lot of things,” Jared murmured, moving to kiss up Jensen’s neck until he
was hovering over his lips. “I wish a lot of things.”
 
“You don’t have to wish with me, Jared,” Jensen told him, his lips becoming
moist as they shared breath. He stared into Jared’s lidded eyes, there was
something haunted in them and he wished—not for the first time—that he could
take that look away and just leave the sparkle that hid in the background.
 
As Jensen shifted and moved to sit up, Jared slipped back a little, straddling
Jensen’s legs. Jensen’s dipped his head to lay a soft kiss against Jared’s
chest, licking around Jared’s nipple as Jared gripped at the back of Jensen’s
head. Above him, Jensen heard the sharp intake of breath as he dragged the hard
bud of flesh through his teeth before sucking it into his mouth.
 
“Oh fuck,” Jared yelped and grasped Jensen’s hair almost painfully. While
Jensen stimulated Jared’s nipples with his mouth, his hands moved down to meet
the button on Jared’s jeans; he flicked it open and slowly drew the zipper
down.
 
When he slipped his hand inside Jared’s pants, Jared started. Jared’s free hand
caught Jensen’s by the wrist while the hand that was in Jensen’s hair pulled
him away from his body.
 
Jensen gazed up at him, taking in Jared’s wide eyes and furrowed brow.
 
“Let me touch you, Jay?” Jensen requested. “You know what I feel like. I just
wanna feel you in my hands.”
 
They were statues, eyes locked together. Slowly, Jared released his hold on
Jensen’s wrist; his eyes fell closed as Jensen’s hand wrapped around his hard
length.
 
“Oh Jesus,” Jared gasped, as he dropped his body over Jensen’s and buried his
face in Jensen’s neck, his hot breath panting against Jensen’s skin while
Jensen pumped him slowly.
 
“Uh, Jay, you feel amazing,” Jensen praised him, revelling in the silky
smoothness of the skin in his hand.
 
He’d forgotten what it was like to hold another mans dick in his palm, but he
couldn’t imagine holding anyone else. Jared just fit perfectly in his grasp,
and the little moans coming from his mouth, right into Jensen’s ear were almost
enough to have Jensen coming there and then.
 
“Jen, I—don’t know if I can—” Jared shuddered over him.
 
“Shhh, it’s okay, baby,” Jensen whispered to him. “I’ll make you feel good; I
promise.”
 
Jared’s body continued to shudder; his hands holding onto Jensen’s arms,
digging his nails in hard enough that Jensen knew he’d have bruises.
 
Jensen sped up his movements, twisting his wrist around Jared’s cock. He
slipped his thumb over the head, spreading the pre-come there around in
circles. He sucked the fingers of his other hand into his mouth before running
them down Jared’s back soothingly; he flexed his fingers as they ran over the
curves of Jared’s ass under his jeans.
 
“Jen, I—” Jared chocked and pressed his face into Jensen’s shoulder.
 
“Don’t worry, baby,” Jensen promised. “I’m gonna take care of you.”
 
He dipped his finger between Jared’s ass cheeks before pressing a single digit
against his hole. Jared whimpered, and his whole body stiffened. Jensen shushed
him, curling his finger before gently pushing in—
 
Jared leapt from on top of him backing away quickly grasping at his jeans to
hold them closed until he fell backwards onto his ass, his back hitting the
kitchen counter.
 
“No,” Jared hissed, gathering his legs tightly into his arms. “Get out.”
 
“Jay?” Jensen said alarmed and bolted from the sofa to crouch in front of a
trembling Jared. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
 
“I said get out,” Jared said through gritted teeth, his eyes firmly fixed to
the floor.
 
“Why? Jared, tell me what’s wrong, what did I do?” Jensen begged reaching out a
hand to touch Jared’s arm.
 
Jared flinched away violently. “Don’t fucking touch me; get out; leave me
alone,” Jared’s voice cracked and tears fell from his eyes.
 
“No,” Jensen said firmly. “Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”
 
“I can’t do this; it’s all wrong; everything is wrong,” Jared muttered, still
staring at the floor. “I never should’ve—I just can’t. Please leave?” Finally
Jared turned shimmering eyes to Jensen, pleading with him. There was so much
pain there; Jensen’s heart broke for him.
 
“Okay, Jay,” Jensen said quietly. “I’ll go, but I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
 
“No,” Jared said sharply, shaking his head. “No, just stay away from me.”
 
“What do you mean?” Jensen asked, afraid that he already knew the answer.
 
“I can’t do this anymore,” Jared said meekly. Then his face went stern; he
stared into Jensen’s eyes, determination shinning from every pore. “I can’t be
with you; we can’t be together.”
 
“You don’t mean that,” Jensen swallowed around the baseball blocking his
airway. “Tell me you don’t mean that?”
 
“I’m sorry, Jensen, but I never should have let this start in the first place,”
Jared told him, his voice now emotionless.
 
“Jay, if you need time, I can give you time,” Jensen said desperately, his
chest was constricting painfully, his hands were shaking; he was about to lose
the best thing that had ever happened to him. “Just let me in; I can do what
ever you want; just don’t throw this away? Don’t throw us away?”
 
“What I want is for you to do as I ask and leave.” Jared’s said, his eyes
boring into Jensen’s, his face impassive. When a tear escaped down Jensen’s
cheek he could’ve sworn Jared twitched, that the coldness melted for a second,
but then the moment passed and Jared looked away.
 
Slowly, Jensen got to his feet; collected his jacket and stumbled blindly to
the door.
 
“Don’t call me,” Jared said just as he opened the door. Jensen’s face crumbled
and he quickly threw himself out the door, pulling it shut behind him before he
allowed himself to collapse on the ground, leaning up against that fateful wall
that instead of soaking up his joy now absorbed his sorrow.
 
He let the sobs wrack his body. It hurt, God, it hurt so much. Why was Jared
pushing him away? What was it that he wasn’t telling him? Was it touching him
like that? Was that so wrong? Why?
 
He wanted to be angry at Jared, but he just couldn’t. The haunting pain he’d
seen in Jared’s eyes was burned to the back of his eyelids. Whatever it was, he
was certain it wasn’t Jared’s fault. But that didn’t make his agony any less.
 
He pulled out his cell, pressed his speed dial and waited for it to connect.
When it did a tired and slightly annoyed, but also wary voice answered.
 
“Steve? Can you come and get me?”
***** Chapter 9 *****
Part 9
 
Jared listened to Jensen, he curled up next to his door and drowned in the
sorrow he heard from the other side. He’d caused that; he was the one
responsible for the painful sounds he heard.
 
Eventually, he heard some shuffling and knew that Jensen was moving away. He
wanted to rip open the door and beg him not to go, explain that he’d made a
terrible mistake. He wanted to pour his heart out to Jensen and tell him
everything, to curl up in his arms and let him make it all better.
 
Suddenly he was standing in the hall watching Jensen’s back move slowly away.
 
“Jen?” he called quietly.
 
Jensen turned, red-eyed, his face streaked with tears.
 
“Give me some time?” Jared asked weakly, he couldn’t let Jensen go, he just
couldn’t.
 
Jensen’s face crumbled, he raced back to Jared and took him in his arms,
holding on for dear life.
 
“Be my friend for a while? Just give me some time, Jen, please?” Jared sobbed,
returning Jensen’s hug and pulling him into a crushing embrace.
 
“All the time you need, Jay,” Jensen swore. “And when you’re ready, I’m here
okay, I’ll always be here.”
 
“Thank you,” Jared squeezed him once more before forcing himself to pull away.
 
“You’ll call me?” Jensen asked, hope filling his features.
 
“Yeah, when I—I call when I—”
 
“Whenever you’re ready, Jay. There’s no pressure from me.” Jensen hesitated for
a moment, and he stepped in and placed a chaste kiss to Jared’s cheek. Then he
backed away quickly, shot him a lopsided smile and disappeared as if he was
afraid Jared was going to change his mind.
 
Jared took a breath before heading back inside, he didn’t know whether he’d
done the right thing or not, maybe it would’ve been better if he’d let Jensen
go, hurt him now so he didn’t hurt him worse further down the line.
 
As he looked around his apartment, the memories of the night flooded back.
 
He’d really thought he could handle it. He wanted to be with Jensen so badly
and he knew Jensen wanted more from him, he wanted to give him that, he wanted
to give himself over to him, even though he was scared to do so. He thought if
he took it slow he’d be okay, he’d have time to get used to everything, to
train his mind into the here and now and not let it drift into the past.
 
It didn’t work out like that. At first it was amazing, perfect. The way their
bodies aligned, the way they moved together, the sounds Jensen made, that Jared
caused him to make, it filled Jared with pride that he could do that to him.
 
So, he’d moved slowly, deliberately. Making sure that he put every single bit
of himself into every kiss, every touch. He didn’t allow anything else to enter
their time together, it was him and Jensen and it was perfect.
 
Even when Jensen had touched his skin, the pleasure that seared through him had
made his head spin as it jolted up his spine, for a second he thought it was
going to be too much, but he’d kept control and let himself go. Then Jensen’s
had removed his top, he thought he was going to lose it then, but then he saw
Jensen’s eyes. Jensen was looking at him, seeing Jared as he was, right there
before him, and the wonder he’d seen in his eyes had brought a lump to his
throat.
 
He’d said Jared was beautiful, for a second Jared heard someone else’s voice
telling him the same thing and he’d had to force himself to focus, to hear only
Jensen’s voice and Jensen’s words. The way Jensen’s voice could sooth him, keep
him grounded, even Sandy didn’t have that much power.
 
God Sandy, he needed her right now. He started to look for his phone but then
he remembered she was with Chris. She’d already cancelled on him two days in a
row to come and take care of Jared, he couldn’t ask her to do it again; he
didn’t want to ruin things for her, not this time.
 
Jared stared at the sofa, images of him and Jensen writhing together flashed
before his mind, he could still feel Jensen’s hand on him, pulling on him. He
knew he should’ve stopped him, he’d tried, but he wanted to trust that Jensen
had the power to make everything okay; he’d wanted to feel what it was like to
be touched by him. So he’d let it go, he’d given consent. And God it had been
wonderful, Jared had been floating on a cloud of pleasure and everything was
alright.
 
But then the cloud had turned grey and he no longer saw bright green eyes,
smiling at him. They were replaced by blue ones, piercing into his soul, the
hands on him painful and harsh. The gentle caresses of Jensen’s touch was gone,
Jensen was gone, there was nothing left but agony and fear and it tore into
Jared’s heart and ripped out his insides.
 
Jared couldn’t cope with that, it had killed him to see the look in Jensen’s
eyes and that’s when he knew he had to make the break, he had to end things. He
should’ve known things wouldn’t end well, he should’ve seen this coming, he
never should have given in to his desires and let Jensen in in the first place.
 
But then he’d been weak and selfish, unable to let Jensen go, to cast him from
his life.
 
He tore his eyes away from the sofa and dragged himself into his bedroom, even
the sight of his bed brought memories and images into his head, him and Jensen
together, wrapped in ecstasy.
 
Jared didn’t bother undressing, he collapsed onto his bed and finally let
himself cry, he let the pain and despair wash over him and resigned himself to
the fact that even with Jensen in his life he would most likely never be free,
he’d never be let go, even though he was safe in Seattle, he’d never be safe in
his mind and in his body, they didn’t belong to him, they never had and he’d
been a fool to think otherwise.
 
Jared cried himself to sleep, not fighting the dreams as they attacked his
unconsciousness; he wallowed in his nightmares and let them rip him apart.
 
***
 
Jensen was close to cracking. It had been nearly two weeks, and still Jared
hadn’t given him the okay. They talked a little after classes and occasionally
on the phone. But they hadn’t socialized, they hadn’t been out for a drink,
they hadn’t hung around with each other at all.
 
But Jensen was determined to give Jared the time he needed, even if he had to
force himself not to kiss him every time they were close; he had to hold
himself back so he didn’t just reach out to touch him.
 
Even when Jensen had to help Jared in class, he could feel Jared tense at any
physical contact, and as much as it hurt, he kept his distance as much as he
could.
 
But today was Monday, and Jensen was currently setting up the classes tables;
he was going to see Jared today, and even with things as they were, just that
thought made him smile and brought a giddiness to his step.
 
“Hello Jensen.”
 
Jensen froze. That couldn’t be who he thought it was, not now. Slowly he turned
around and his heart sank. She was still as beautiful as she’d been the last
time he’d seen her; her long red hair framed her face perfectly and her pouty
lips stretched into a wide smile when she had his attention. Jensen felt that
familiar stirring in his stomach, that unique yet sickening feeling of arousal
that only she could cause.
 
“Danneel, what are you doing here?” Jensen asked; his tone was not pleasant.
 
“Oh, don’t be like that, honey,” she said as she made her way across the room,
her hips swaying in that oh-so-seductive way, and Jensen had to force himself
not to stare. “I heard you were miserable, that’s all; I came to see what I
could do to cheer you up.” She grinned up at him, her tongue sweeping across
her bottom lip as she eyed him hungrily.
 
“You heard I was miserable? Who told you that?” Jensen frowned. The only people
who knew about Jared were Chris, Steve, and Sandy, and possibly Tom, but no one
who would speak to Danneel.
 
“Chad saw you at the bar. Said this past week you’ve been lacking your usual
spark, and he figured you were missing me,” she said sympathetically.
 
“Chad! I should’ve known you were still hanging around that loser,” Jensen
rolled his eyes.
 
“You have missed me though, haven’t you?” she said confidently, and didn’t wait
for an answer before continuing. “Because I’ve missed you. We left it so nasty
last time, but I think we can still work it out, don’t you?”
 
Without any mind for personal space she stepped close to him and ran a well
manicured finger over the buttons of his shirt. Her sweet-scented perfume
wafted into Jensen’s face, God she smelled good; she always smelled good.
 
With great effort, Jensen stepped backwards, away from her temptation, away
from the yearning he still felt for the woman he’d fallen in love with, the
woman he was sure was still in there somewhere, underneath the bitch that had
emerged to take control of her.
 
But Jensen wanted Jared. Jared was a hundred times better than Danneel. Being
with Jared had made Jensen happier than he’d ever been with Danneel.
 
“Maybe I don’t want to work things out this time,” Jensen said harshly. “Maybe
I’ve found something better.”
 
Danneel laughed, as though Jensen had told an award-winning joke. “Come on,
sweetie. Just hear me out okay, no strings attached, I promise.” She batted her
eyelids at him, and Jensen felt his resolve failing. That power Danneel had
always had over him taking control again.
 
“Alright, I’ll listen, but I warn you, I’m not—”
 
Danneel squealed with happiness and victory and launched herself into Jensen’s
arms.
 
“Thank you, Jensen, you won’t regret this, I promise.” She grinned up at him,
and Jensen felt a reluctant smile pull at his lips. Then Danneel threw herself
forward and planted her lips against Jensen’s.
 
Jensen squeaked in surprise and tried to pull away, but Danneel’s grip was like
a vice, her lips soft but demanding, she kissed him eagerly moaning into his
mouth and licking at his lips.
 
It was so familiar, it was so easy to fall into the past and open up to her
like he always did. As soon as he showed that moment of weakness, her tongue
was in his mouth and they were kissing in earnest.
 
Then the moment was over, and Jensen snapped back to reality. He wanted to be
with Jared, not Danneel, what the hell was he doing?
 
Jensen ripped Danneel from his lips and stepped way from her.
 
“I knew I still had you,” she said with predatory conviction. Jensen swiped the
back of his hand over his mouth, disgusted with himself. He opened his mouth to
tell her to get lost, to leave him alone, that he didn’t want her but someone
else, but out of the corner of his eye he saw a tall figure, standing just
inside the doorway.
 
Cringing, Jensen faced the entrance, and there was Jared, his face pale, his
mouth open and his fists clenched at his sides.
 
“Jay,” Jensen whispered.
 
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb anything,” Jared said in a shaky voice;
then he turned and walked away. Jensen went to follow him but was stopped by a
surprisingly strong hand on his arm.
 
“I’m not finished with you yet,” Danneel sneered happily. “Dinner, tonight.
Cancel work if you have to; just be there, you know the time and place.”
Jensen’s mind was so caught in worrying what Jared was thinking he could even
word the refusal he knew he should.
 
***
 
Jared stopped outside and leaned against the wall to catch his breath. He’d run
as soon as he hit the hallway, his chest constricting painfully.
 
Had he seen that right? Jensen—Jensen was kissing—a woman? She was all over
him, and he seriously didn’t appear to mind, in fact to Jared, it looked like
he was enjoying it. And what she’d said about still having him, what did that
mean? Who was she?
 
Jared was angry. He was upset and incredibly jealous, but did he really have a
right to be? He was the one who had rejected Jensen, left him hanging out to
dry for nearly two weeks now with no sign or word of what Jared was thinking or
if he even still wanted Jensen. They’d made small talk, but kept it away from
relationship chat.
 
Guess Jensen finally got sick of waiting, Jared thought bitterly, and really,
who could blame Jensen for moving on? But Jared had been so sure, so convinced
Jensen was willing to wait as long as it took, he had really believed that what
they had was special enough to survive until he got his head sorted out. Jensen
had said he would wait, as long as it took, he’d said.
 
Jared felt stupid; if only he wasn’t so messed up, he could’ve had what he
really wanted, he could’ve been happy for once in his life. Guess it was too
late for that now.
 
The door beside him opened and the beautiful redhead came out, her head held
high and a contented smile on her face. She looked over at Jared briefly,
studied him for a second like an insect, before dismissing him and walking
away, something akin to triumph surrounding her.
 
Jensen suddenly appeared beside him, he looked around frantically until his
eyes settled on Jared.
 
“Jay, that wasn’t—what you saw—I—” Jensen tried to explain but Jared knew there
was nothing he could say? He couldn’t take back the kiss; he couldn’t even say
he hadn’t enjoyed it because Jared had seen that he had.
 
“Is she your girlfriend?” Jared asked boldly, terrified of the answer.
 
“No—yes—she used to be,” Jensen stumbled over his answer, and Jared felt his
heart crumble. “She kinda has this habit of just turning up.”
 
“I thought you were gay?” Jared mumbled, frowning slightly.
 
“I’m bi, but Jay—”
 
“It’s okay, Jen,” Jared told him, trying desperately to keep his voice calm, to
keep the shake out of it.
 
“It is?” Jensen asked, obviously confused.
 
“Yeah, of course it is,” Jared shrugged. “You don’t have to explain yourself to
me; we’re just friends after all, right? You can do what ever you like, be with
whomever you want.”
 
“But Jay, I—”
 
“She’s real pretty, Jen. You’re a lucky guy, I hope you two will be very happy
together,” Jared said even as his heart broke. He had to get out of there; he
didn’t want to break down in front of Jensen; he didn’t want to show how weak
he was. Jensen had made his choice, and it hadn’t been Jared, now Jared had to
live with Jensen’s decision.
 
“It’s really not—”
 
“You know, I’m really not feeling up to class today, I feel kinda sick,” Jared
said, and it was true. His stomach was tied up in so many knots, it was agony.
“I think I need to go home.”
 
Jensen stared at him, concern written all over his face.
 
“Jay, are you okay, you’re not looking so good?” Jensen asked, taking a step
towards him, hand outstretched.
 
“No Jen, I’m not okay,” Jared looked into Jensen’s eyes. “Please just leave me
alone?”
 
With a hand clenched to his stomach Jared staggered away. For a moment, it
looked like Jensen was going to follow him, but then someone called his name,
the students were all arriving, and Jensen had a class to teach. Reluctantly he
went back inside, looking back at Jared as Jensen disappeared from sight.
 
Jared pulled out his cell, and hit speed dial one.
 
“Sand,” Jared whimpered into the phone as soon as she answered.
 
“I’ll be right there,” was all Sandy said, and she hung up.
 
~~~
 
Sandy found Jared collapsed halfway up the stairs to his apartment; he was a
mess: his face was pale, and he was drenched in sweat. She helped him to his
feet, holding his tall shaking form over her tiny shoulder, his arm draped
around her neck.
 
Once she’d gotten him inside, he practically tumbled off of her and onto the
floor, where he lay shivering and sweaty. Sandy pressed a hand to his forehead
before pulling it off quickly.
 
“Jesus, Jay. You’re burning up,” she gasped. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
 
Sandy tried to get Jared to his feet again, but she just didn’t have the
strength to lift him.
 
“You’re gonna have to help me a little here, or I’m gonna have to call in some
help,” she warned. That seemed to put a boost of energy in Jared; Sandy knew he
hated people to see him like this, and she knew she was the only one he
trusted.
 
Eventually, she managed to get him into bed; she pulled off his jeans and shirt
and wrapped him up in the covers.
 
“What happened, Jay? Come on, you have to talk to me,” she begged, Jared’s
vacant eyes were really beginning to worry her.
 
“Jensen,” Jared said weakly, and Sandy’s breathing stopped to listen. “He—has a
girlfriend.”
 
“He what?” Sandy almost shouted. “I’m gonna fucking kill the bastard.” Her
blood boiled, she was fuming hotter than Jared’s temperature.
 
“Saw them—kissing,” Jared whispered before his eyes closed, and he passed out.
 
“Oh, Jay,” Sandy said softly, stroking his hair and gazing at his beautiful,
young face as he slept.
 
Sandy spent the next hour wiping Jared’s forehead with a damp cloth, trying to
get him cooler, she’d woken him and forced him to take some Tylenol, but he was
still too hot. Eventually she relented and called Jim. He was a doctor friend
of Tom’s who Jared and Sandy had become quite friendly with over the years.
Sandy knew Jared would probably kill her for it, but she needed an expert’s
advice.
 
Finally there was a knock at the door and Sandy rushed to answer it. She flung
the door open and was just starting to thank Jim for coming so quickly when she
realised she was staring at Jensen.
 
“What do you want?” she said hotly, quickly glancing over her shoulder to make
sure Jared hadn’t heard the door
 
“Oh, hey Sandy,” Jensen said, he attempted to smile, but he obviously figured
Sandy knew everything and his nerves shone through. “Um, is Jared here?”
 
“Yes,” Sandy said bluntly. Jensen looked at her expectantly.
 
“Can I speak to him?” he asked when she didn’t say anything else or move aside.
 
“No,” Sandy told him.
 
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Listen, Sandy. I know it doesn’t look good, but really
it’s none of your business; can I just please speak to Jared?” he pleaded, a
little annoyance creeping into his voice.
 
Sandy lowered he voice, but it was still as harsh as before. “Don’t you think
you’ve done enough? You’ve already broken his heart, now the least you can do
is leave him alone,” she hissed at him. “He’s not in any condition to talk to
you right now.”
 
“What do you mean? What’s wrong with him?” Jensen asked in alarm.
 
“He’s sick, okay?” Sandy said in her hushed voice.
 
“Sick? How sick? When?” Jensen wanted answers.
 
“I don’t know, alright. I’ll know more when—” Sandy stopped and looked over
Jensen’s shoulder. “Oh thank God,” she said as she saw Jim coming down the
hallway. “Thank you for coming so quickly, Dr. Beaver.”
 
“Sandy, how long have we known each other? It’s Jim, please?” Jim scolded
gently. “Now where is he?” he added with a more concerned tone.
 
“He’s in the bedroom,” Sandy told him and moved aside to let him through.
 
As soon as the gap was there Jensen forced his way inside.
 
“Hey,” Sandy growled and grabbed Jensen’s arm.
 
“I just wanna see if he’s okay, that’s all,” Jensen promised.
 
“Well he’s not okay, no thanks to you,” Sandy told him and tried to pull him
away, but Jensen broke her grip and went to the bedroom, he stopped in the
doorway and Sandy saw his face pale. She stepped up beside him and forced
herself to calm down.
 
“Listen, just go wait outside; I’ll tell you how he is; I promise. But you
can’t be here right now, okay? Please? For Jay’s sake,” she pleaded. Jensen
tore his eyes away Jared’s unconscious form where it lay on the bed and set his
pain-filled eyes on her.
 
“I never meant to hurt him,” he said quietly.
 
“I believe you,” Sandy said, and she meant it. “But you should’ve thought about
that before kissing someone else, even if you guys were on a break. You end
things properly before you move on; it’s only fair Jensen.”
 
She didn’t let Jensen say anymore, just hurried him away, and he promised to
wait in the living room to which she reluctantly agreed. Then Sandy went into
the bedroom and closed the door.
 
“How is he Doc, I mean, Jim?” she asked hesitantly.
 
“His temperatures pretty high,” Jim said worriedly.
 
“I gave him some Tylenol earlier, but it doesn’t seem to be working,” Sandy
told him. “You know how sensitive Jared is. And things have been kind of tough
on him recently. He’s shutting down like when things get too bad, but I’ve
never seen him this bad before.” She knew she sounded as worried as she felt.
 
“Well, this could very well be caused by stress, I couldn’t say anymore without
running some tests,” Jim explained gently. “I’d say continue doing what you’re
doing, keep him hydrated, try and get him to eat, but if he can’t just make
sure he drinks plenty. If his temperature doesn’t come down to a more
acceptable level by tomorrow we’ll have to think about taking him into
hospital.” Sandy’s eyes widened in alarm. They couldn’t afford hospitals. Jared
had basic health insurance through his job at Tom’s bar, but it didn’t really
cover expenses like that! They could be stuck with bills of thousands of
dollars that they just didn’t have.
 
“Don’t worry,” Jim added quickly, noticing her panic. “I’m sure he’ll be fine,
you’re most likely right, and that this is stress related. If that’s the case
you’re going to have to keep him calm, no drama around him, alright? He needs
to stay relaxed if he’s going to get better.”
 
“That might not be easy, Jim; his nightmares can get pretty bad,” Sandy
admitted sadly. Jim placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled reassuringly. He’d
been there when Tom had first met Jared, and had helped him a lot, Sandy knew
he understood.
 
“You just have to try your best, Sandy, but if you don’t see improvement or
anything worries you, don’t hesitate to call me again, alright? Don’t take any
chances,” he told her and Sandy nodded in understanding.
 
“Thank you,” Sandy said, relieved Jared wasn’t dying or something equally as
drastic.
 
“You’re welcome. You were right to call,” Jim said, smiling kindly as she led
him to the door. “You take care of yourself too, don’t let yourself get run
down taking care of him, you’re no good to him if you get sick yourself.”
 
“I will, thanks Jim.” Sandy let Jim pull her into a hug, relaxing into her
friends embrace for a moment before saying goodbye. She turned back to see
Jensen leaning against the bedroom doorframe, staring at Jared.
 
“How is he?” Jensen asked.
 
“He’s sick, Jensen, that’s how he is,” Sandy snapped. “The doctor thinks it’s
been brought on by stress, you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that,
would you?” She raised an eyebrow and Jensen had the decency to look ashamed.
 
“But he’s going to be okay, right?” Jensen questioned.
 
“He should be fine, as long as he gets to rest and relax, no dramas around him,
and I’m sorry Jensen, but that means you,” Sandy informed him in no uncertain
terms. “You get him all riled up; he really doesn’t need that right now.”
 
“I understand, I’ll keep my distance,” Jensen promised but he didn’t look happy
about it. “Sandy?”
 
“Yeah?”
 
“What’s wrong with him?” Jensen ventured. Sandy frowned; pretty sure she knew
what he was asking.
 
“I just told you,” she said avoidably.
 
“No, I mean him, not this,” Jensen said gesturing with his hands as if that
could explain things better than he did.
 
Sandy took a deep breath and levelled her gaze with his. “There’s nothing wrong
with him, Jensen. He’s as normal as you or me. Now please, can you go so I can
take care of him?”
 
Jensen frowned slightly but nodded and went to the door. Once he was outside he
regarded Sandy for a moment.
 
“Can you keep me updated? Just so I know he’s okay? Tell Chris if you don’t
want to speak to me, just—let me know, please?” Jensen asked, his eyes
pitifully begging.
 
“I’ll keep Chris informed, you can go through him,” she told him. “Now go back
to your girlfriend because Jared just can’t take you right now.”
 
With that said Sandy shut the door in Jensen’s face and returned to Jared’s
side, a fresh bowl full of cold water in her hands. She sat on the side of his
bed and mopped his brow, brushing back his dark bangs.
 
Jared shifted in his sleep; Sandy knew the signs well enough. The nightmares
were starting.
 
“I wish I knew what was going on in there,” Sandy whispered, leaning over Jared
to place a soft kiss on his head.
 
***
 
Jensen sat at the table stabbing his steak with his fork. It was beautifully
cooked, accompanied by the best steamed vegetables around and yet Jensen
couldn’t bring himself to eat any of it. All he could think of was how Jared
would love steak cooked like this.
 
Danneel sat opposite him, talking away about how good they are together and
that they should never have parted company, Jensen just let her talk, it was
what she was good at, she had a way of making everything make sense, and a
little sense was just what Jensen could do with right now.
 
Suddenly, his cell rang. Everyone in the restaurant turned to look at him,
Danneel scowled at him and he flushed a deep red, embarrassed that he’d
forgotten to turn it to vibrate. He excused himself and stepped outside to take
the call.
 
“Hello?”
 
“Dude, what they Hell did you do?” It was Chris, he’d been expecting this.
 
“Don’t Chris, I feel bad enough as it is.” Jensen rubbed his eyes tiredly.
 
“Kissing some girl in front of him? Jeez, Sandy’s never going to forgive me,”
Chris ranted.
 
“Wait? What? Sandy’s never going to forgive you? What the Hell, dude?” Jensen
said incredulously.
 
“Yeah man, Sandy. I vouched for you, Jen. I told her what a great guy you were
and—and get this—how you’d never, in a million years, hurt him,” Chris
emphasised his point. “And what do you do? Act like a complete asshole and send
the poor guy into a coma!”
 
“A coma? What the fuck?” Jensen panicked; he only had a fever when he’d left
him.
 
“Well, okay. Not an actual coma, but he’s pretty out of it from what Sandy’s
told me. She can’t leave him alone, which means I don’t get to see her for God
knows how long, all because you couldn’t keep your tongue in your mouth.” Chris
was pissed, that much was obvious, and Jensen figured he had every right. “What
happened, Jen?
 
“Danneel happened,” Jensen told him.
 
“The Hell Beast? I thought you said she was history!” Chris accused.
 
“Don’t call her that. She just turned up, she wants to make it right,” Jensen
defended her out of habit. Chris and Steve had never liked Danneel and she in
turn had never liked them, they didn’t even tolerate each other for Jensen’s
sake, so he tended to try and keep them apart.
 
“Make it right? That’s what she always says, dude. And then she screws you all
over again. Look Jen, I know you’ve got some weird weak spot for the girl but
please, just don’t go there, not again, I’m begging you.” Jensen could
literally see Chris on his knees. “Wait, where are you?”
 
“Um, out to dinner,” Jensen tried to sound casual.
 
“Oh no, you’re with her aren’t you? What are you doing man, you’re never going
to get Jared back if you go out with her again,” Chris tried to drum some sense
into his thick head.
 
“I think I’ve already lost him, Chris,” Jensen said quietly. “You were right
from the beginning, the guys got issues and if he’s not going to let me help
with them, then what am I supposed to do?”
 
“So what he’s got issues, he’s a good guy, he’s nice and he treats you a Hell
of a lot better than the Beast,” Chris told him seriously.
 
“Look, I’m just out to dinner with her, we’re not back together or anything, I
didn’t make her any promises,” Jensen assured him waving at an annoyed looking
Danneel through the window. “Look man, I’ve gotta go.”
 
“Why? She getting pissed she doesn’t have your undivided?” Chris drawled and
Jensen winced, he knew the situation too well.
 
“I gotta go; I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Jensen said quickly. “And call me
when you hear anything about Jared.” He didn’t wait for Chris to say anything
more; he felt bad enough himself and he didn’t need Chris dragging him down
further.
 
He went back into the restaurant and sat back down, just looking at his now
cold steak made him feel sick, so he pushed his plate aside.
 
“So, who was that kid today?” Danneel asked innocently.
 
“What kid?” Jensen said absently.
 
“The one who caught us kissing,” she elaborated.
 
“Oh, he’s—he’s one of my students. He’s sick at the moment, I’m a little
worried about him,” Jensen answered as honestly as he could.
 
“My Jensen. Ever the caring one,” she smiled but underneath it all she sounded
bored. “So, anyway, I thought tomorrow I could come over to your place, we
could talk some more,” it wasn’t a request, she was telling him what she was
going to do and Jensen was expected to go along with it, and to be honest,
Jensen just didn’t have the energy to argue with her.
 
***
 
Jared slowly opened his eyes, his head pounded as soon as the dim light hit his
pupils and he groaned, burying his head in his soaked pillow.
 
“Hey, you awake?” Sandy’s soft voice filtered through the pain. “Here, lift up
and take these, it’s just Tylenol, it’s okay.”
 
Jared felt a hand behind his head and he let himself be fed the pills. Just
before he lay back down his pillow was taken away and a dry one put in its
place.
 
“Drink some more, Jay. You’ve been sweating buckets, you need the fluids.”
Sandy tipped the glass to his lips again and he swallowed as much as he could.
 
“What happened?” Jared asked weakly, his throat rasping as he spoke.
 
“You’re sick, that’s what happened. Doctor thinks it’s because of stress,”
Sandy told him, helping him settle back down again.
 
“You called the doctor?” Jared frowned.
 
“Yes I did, that’s how bad you were,” Sandy told him in her no nonsense voice.
 
“Were? I’m better now? ‘Cause I really don’t feel it,” Jared groaned again when
he tried to sit up more so he abandoned the attempt.
 
“Well, your temperature’s down a bit so I’m not thinking of rushing you to the
hospital anymore,” Sandy said and smiled slightly when he looked at her in
alarm. “In other words, you’re going to be just fine, you’ve just gotta take it
easy for a while. And no stress!”
 
“Yeah right, that’s easy to say in my life,” Jared joked weakly.
 
“Do you remember? What started it?” Sandy said cautiously. Jared frowned and
thought for a moment. The memories flooded his brain so quickly he was dizzy,
Jensen and that redhead, kissing; her hands over his body, touching where Jared
was supposed to touch.
 
“Yeah,” Jared croaked, his face creasing. “I remember. Jensen—and her.”
 
“I can still kick his ass for you if you want me to,” she offered and Jared
shook his head.
 
“It’s probably for the best anyway, I mean, once he found out about me he
wouldn’t want me anyway,” Jared said glumly.
 
“Hey, don’t you speak like that, you hear me,” Sandy snapped harshly. “I will
not have you thinking less of yourself, Jay. I just won’t, so you get those
thoughts out of your head this instance.”
 
“Yes mom,” Jared teased, which brought a small smile to Sandy’s lips. “But
still, I was stupid to let my guard down. All these years I’ve been fine, I
didn’t need to be with anyone, what makes him so special? I should’ve known
better.”
 
“It’s not the same thing, Jared,” Sandy said softly.
 
“Yeah?” Jared’s voice cracked. “Then why does it hurt just as much?”
 
Sandy pulled Jared into her arms without a moment’s hesitation, she held him as
he wept into her, her own tears falling for him and soaking into his hair.
 
“We’re gonna be just fine, Jay. You and me, like always,” she promised, and
she’d die before she let that be untrue.
 
***
 
As it turned out, when Danneel said she would come to his place the next day to
talk some more, what she actually meant was that she was bringing a box of her
stuff for when she stayed over, seeing as she was sure Jensen didn’t have any
of her other stuff from last time. He actually did, but he wasn’t going to tell
her that.
 
She hadn’t gone away like he’d hoped she would, and she seemed pretty sure
about sticking around this time. Jensen was in a daze. Things had turned around
so quickly and he’d had no control over any of it. Now he had Danneel draping
herself over him. She was there when he went to work, Chris and Steve snarling
at her from the stage as she waltzed behind the bar and kissed Jensen deeply,
knowing that it would piss them off.
 
She made arrangements for them to go out as a couple, she stay some nights at
his place, in his bed with him. When she woke up in the morning she would be
all over him, wanting him to touch her, to make her feel good. Jensen went
through the motions, but he rarely felt anything.
 
Finally Jared came back to class, he was better, and he looked amazing. But
when Jensen tried to talk to him Jared shut down, he was polite and spoke about
things that needed to be said, like anything to do with work and Tom’s plans
for the bar, and things about the class, but other than that, Jared appeared to
have no interest in Jensen what so ever.
 
When one day Danneel came to meet Jensen from class Jensen saw the first
flicker of real emotion he’d seen in Jared for weeks. It was jealousy, hate
even, and it was directed at Danneel, who in turn smiled sweetly and told him
she was glad he was feeling better but that she had to take her boyfriend to do
more important things now.
 
All in all, Jensen was miserable, but he couldn’t see a way to make things
better. He barely saw Chris and Steve anymore because Danneel was always around
and they just could tolerate her, which Jensen really couldn’t blame them for.
Gone was the fairly nice woman who’d walked back into his life all those weeks
ago, and in her place was the vile, shallow and spiteful woman Jensen had
parted from all that time ago.
 
All Jensen could do with his time was to think of Jared, of how he looked when
he laughed, loud and strong, his dimples winking at Jensen as his whole face
lit up along with the room. How he would bounce when he was happy or excited.
Even now Jensen saw a glimpse of that man sometimes when Jared accomplished
another move in class; he was really getting good now. Jensen missed him, so
hard it hurt.
 
Now, as Danneel writhed under him, panting his name as he pumped into her he
felt nothing. The only way he could maintain his hard on long enough to bring
her off was by thinking of Jared, of how it would feel if it was him under
Jensen, him in Jensen’s hands, him Jensen was kissing. How it would feel to
make love to him.
 
Danneel screamed and Jensen stopped. He pulled out and ripped off the empty
condom. Danneel didn’t even notice he hadn’t come, didn’t even notice he was
like a machine, she simply rolled over and went to sleep while Jensen went to
wash the smell of her off him in the shower.
 
Once he was under the hot spray, he thought of Jared again. He closed his eyes
and pictured him licking come from his fingers. He was rock solid within
seconds. He changed to the image of Jared panting under him while he thrust
against him, how his mouth hung open and his eyes squeezed closed in bliss.
 
Jensen slid his hand down his chest, imagining it was Jared’s hand. He wrapped
his fingers around his cock and groaned into the shower spray. As he pulled on
himself he remembered the feel of Jared panting against his neck, saying his
name breathlessly.
 
Slowly, the heat began to curl in his stomach, he moved his hand faster,
slipping his thumb through his slit and moaned Jared’s name quietly. He
remembered Jared’s hand on him, jerking him against the wall. As his balls
tightened he could hear Jared’s voice in his ear, come for me, Jen.
 
Jensen came, Jared’s name leaking from his mouth and being swept away with the
noise of the shower. As Jensen panted, he opened his eyes to watch his come
being washed away down the drain, when the last drop was gone Jensen felt that
familiar pain in his gut. It was Jensen’s fault Jared wasn’t with him, he’d
tried so hard to blame Danneel, but it wasn’t really her fault, Jensen hadn’t
said no, not once had he stood up to her and now Jared wouldn’t even be his
friend. Well, that had to change.
***** Chapter 10 *****
Part 10
 
Jensen wiped his hands on his jeans again, the nervous sweat gathering there
refused to go away. He knew it was late but he could hear male and female
laughter on the other side of the door and he figured Sandy was probably there.
Great, that was going to make things more difficult if she decided to play
guard dog.
 
Finally the door opened and a smiling Jared stood before him. Jared’s face
dropped as soon as he set eyes on Jensen and Jensen winced. He hadn’t been
expecting a warm welcome, but he hadn’t expected it to hurt like that.
 
“Um, hey,” Jensen said stupidly, he shoved his hands in his pockets to keep
from fiddling with them.
 
“Hi,” Jared replied. He glanced over his shoulder but he didn’t move away,
which Jensen decided to take as a good sign.
 
“Can I talk to you?” Jensen asked hopefully. He waited while Jared looked at
him, there was a lot going on in those green-brown eyes of his, Jensen couldn’t
really tell what he was thinking but he was sure it wasn’t all bad.
 
“Okay,” Jared said finally, he moved to stand in front of the door, leaning
against the doorframe so he didn’t get shut out.
 
“Thank you,” Jensen sighed. Unfortunately he’d been so sure he was going to be
told to get lost he hadn’t planned any further. “Okay, um. Listen, I know I
fucked up but what you saw with Danneel that day wasn’t—”
 
Jared opened his mouth to speak but Jensen cut him off, knowing he didn’t want
to hear about Danneel.
 
“Okay, I’m sorry, that’s not why I’m here,” Jensen said quickly. Jared shut his
mouth and waited; Jensen closed his eyes for a second and breathed out a deep
breath. “I miss you, I miss talking to you, I miss joking around with you. I
miss you just being in my life, I miss you being my friend.”
 
Jared’s eyes softened and Jensen watched as he swallowed thickly, but he didn’t
say anything.
 
“I’m not asking anything of you, Jay. I’m not expecting anything from you. I—I
just don’t wanna, I just wanna be in your life, that’s all,” Jensen stopped, he
gazed at Jared, his heart racing a hundred beats a second. Jared stared back at
him, seemingly examining Jensen. Jensen just stood there and let him look.
 
“Do you, maybe, wanna come in and watch a movie with us?” Jared said finally.
 
“Really?” Jensen blurted in disbelief. Jared was inviting him inside? He wasn’t
telling him to fuck off.
 
“Yeah, you’re missing out on a good night, it’s not the same without you,”
Jared’s lips picked up at the edges and his eyes shone with some of that
sparkle that Jensen had missed so badly. “You coming or what?”
 
Jared moved away from the door and left it open for Jensen to let himself in.
Jensen couldn’t help but grin as he walked over the threshold. He followed
Jared into the living room.
 
“Look what the cat dragged in,” Jared announced as he plonked himself down on
the sofa next to Sandy. “You’re gonna have to sit on the floor though, sorry.”
 
Chris was sitting there with his arm around Sandy; he looked up in surprise,
but a large smile spread across his face when he saw Jensen.
 
“Hey man, where you been?” Steve called from behind the kitchen counter where
he was returning with an armful of beers.
 
“Around,” Jensen said in wonder. “It’s good to see you guys.”
 
“We’ve missed you, dude,” Chris unfolded himself from Sandy and stood with his
hand out to Jensen. Jensen took it gladly and was pulled over the back of the
sofa for a half manly hug.
 
“Yeah, I’ve missed you guys too, you have no idea,” Jensen smiled, suddenly
feeling a contentment he hadn’t felt in weeks.
 
“Oh I bet, where is the Beast tonight anyway?” Steve poked.
 
“Tell you what, I’ll make a deal with you guys,” Jensen said, accepting the
beer from Steve and sitting himself on the floor in front of Jared while Steve
sat in the arm chair. “When she’s not here, she doesn’t exist.”
 
“Sound good to me,” Jared said and toasted Jensen with his beer.
 
“Good to have you back, Jen,” Sandy smiled kindly, Jensen sent her a nod and
smiled back.
 
“So, what are we watching?” Jensen asked, looking to the TV screen.
 
“Underworld,” Sandy told him. Jensen raised an eyebrow and turned to look at
Jared.
 
“What?” Jared blushed. Everyone else looked confused and Jensen knew that
nobody else knew that Underworld had been the movie he and Jared had put on but
never watched because they’d spent the entire night talking.
 
“Nothing,” Jensen grinned. “It’s a good film.”
 
Jared looked at him, their eyes met and slowly a wide smile appeared on Jared’s
face.
 
“Yeah, yeah it is,” Jared agreed, holding Jensen’s gaze for a moment longer
before they both turned to watch the screen.
 
 
By the end of the movie—and a few heated arguments on how werewolves and
vampires really turn humans—Sandy was asleep against Chris, curled into his
body while Chris played with her hair and gazed into her face. Steve was
building a tower out of the empty beer bottles that he never managed to get
past three high.
 
Jensen was leaning back between Jared’s legs, his head resting against Jared’s
knee as he slowly dropped off to sleep.
 
Suddenly, a shrill ring startled Jensen from his slumber and Steve’s tower
collapsed once again. It was coming from his pocket and he fought to get it out
as Sandy kicked him irritably in the head for waking her.
 
Jensen quickly answered, more to shut the thing up that caring who was calling.
 
“Yeah?” he said groggily, slapping away Jared’s hand as he flicked his ear
repeatedly. “Stop it,” he hissed at Jared, which only made him do it more until
they were both giggling like school girls.
 
Then Jensen heard the voice on the other end calling for his attention. He
pushed it to his ear and his good mood fell through this floor.
 
“Danneel,” he said bluntly. Jared’s hands stopped pestering him and Steve
rolled his eyes before going back to his bottle tower.
 
“Where the fuck are you?” Danneel was screaming in his ear and Jensen had to
hold the phone away slightly. “I wake up at God knows what time in the morning
and you’re no where to be found? What the fuck are you doing?”
 
“I’m at a friends place,” Jensen told her, very aware that everyone was
listening.
 
“And you didn’t think to tell me you were going out?” she demanded.
 
“I’m sorry, you were asleep and—”
 
“I don’t want excuses Jensen, just come home,” Danneel ordered loudly and from
the look on every ones faces he could tell they could hear her loud and clear.
 
“But I’m—” Jensen tried.
 
“Don’t fuck with me Jensen, I am so not in the best of moods with you right
now,” Danneel warned. “I’ll see you soon.”
 
Jensen stared at the phone, his cheeks flaming as the dial tone answered any
comment he may have wanted to add. The room was silent; Jensen swore his heart
was pounding loud enough for everyone to hear. Slowly he climbed to his feet,
his arm brushing against Jared’s leg as he did, but he didn’t look at anyone,
he was way too embarrassed.
 
“I guess I should get going,” Jensen said quietly. “It’s really late.”
 
“Yeah,” Steve said and Jensen didn’t even want to know what look he’d get if he
met his stare.
 
“It was really good to see you guys again, but I guess I—” Jensen stopped. What
was he going to say? I guess I won’t be allowed out for a while ‘cause I’ve
been a naughty little boy? “I’ll just see ya around,” he finally said and made
a dash for the door.
 
He hated that Danneel could control him like that, make him feel worthless and
idiotic. Angrily he grabbed the door handle and yanked it open.
 
“Jen,” Jared’s hand fell on his arm and stopped him from bolting out the door.
 
“I’m sorry, Jared,” Jensen closed his eyes. “I didn’t know she’d call.”
 
“Hey, that’s okay,” Jared soothed, his hand still on his arm. “Just, don’t be a
stranger, okay?”
 
Finally Jensen risked looking at him and saw only a hopeful smile.
 
“I won’t be, don’t worry. Not again,” Jensen promised.
 
“So, she didn’t know you were coming here I take it?” Jared asked awkwardly.
 
“Nah,” Jensen said, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously. “She
tends to be the one to organise things, she doesn’t really like it when I don’t
run things by her.”
 
“Oh, okay, um—” Jensen could tell Jared wanted to say more, but he didn’t, he
kept his comments to himself and Jensen appreciated that. Although he knew that
as soon as he left they’d all be talking about how under the thumb he was. He
hated that.
 
“I’ve gotta go, Jared. Thanks for having me though, it was a great night,”
Jensen said, he went to move away but Jared kept a grip on his arm.
 
“Jen, I—” Jared faltered. He took a step closer to Jensen and stared down at
him. Jensen gazed up at Jared, getting lost for a moment in his eyes. “I—”
Jared tried again. “I’m really glad you came by,” he said finally, letting go
of Jensen and stepping back.
 
“Yeah,” Jensen said, he tried to smile but for some reason it felt twisted on
his lips. “Me too.”
 
“Bye Jen.”
 
“Bye Jay.”
 
***
 
As Jared caught the bottle on his bent elbow and then flicked it off to catch
it in his hand he smiled, he knew Jensen’s eyes were on him and he knew he was
showing off a little, but he was really getting good at most things in the
class now and more to the point, he was really enjoying it.
 
He’d never really had anything he was good at, besides school work, he was
always good with math and he always got good reviews for things he wrote in
English Lit, he liked to create worlds for people to live in, when he was a kid
it was pretty much the only escape he’d had.
 
But he’d never actually had a visible skill, something he could perform for
people to see. He’d wanted to do drama with Sandy; he loved the idea of
stepping into someone else’s shoes, bringing them to life and just being
someone else for a little while. But he knew that if he did it, it would only
bring unwanted attention on himself, and he just wasn’t willing to risk it.
 
Jared was so lost in thought he didn’t notice the class end, he just kept
tossing the glass in the air, catching it on his out stretched fingers, happy
to see it land there firmly, without any sign of falling.
 
“You’re really good now, Jay. You won’t have any trouble when Tom makes the
change to the bar,” Jensen praised, leaning against the table with his hip and
waving to the last of his students as they left.
 
“Thanks to you,” Jared admitted. He threw his bottle to Jensen who caught it on
reflex before tossing it back. When Jared caught it Jensen took another couple
of bottles from the surrounding tables and they began to juggle them between
each other.
 
“So, how is the juggling going?” Jensen enquired, picking up the speed.
 
“It’s going really well, I haven’t broken anything in weeks now, I think I’m
ready to start on the actual bottles,” Jared grinned proudly.
 
“Yeah?” Jensen said, impressed. “Try it now.”
 
Jared caught all three bottles and smirked when Jensen raised an eyebrow at
him. Then he focused, took a breath and started to juggle with the bottles. He
started slow, but gradually he got the hang of it and soon he was juggling like
a pro.
 
Jensen clapped and cheered when Jared stopped.
 
“That’s awesome, well done,” Jensen said, clapping him on the back.
 
“Thanks. Wow, that was so much fun,” Jared grinned. Juggling those bottles had
somehow given him such a feeling of freedom, it was exhilarating.
 
“There are so many little tricks I could show you, ways to spice it up—if you
wanted, that is,” Jensen added quickly. Jared could tell he was still a little
nervous, their friendship was still a little fragile, but Jared smiled
reassuringly at him.
 
“I’d really like that, Jen,” he said, a little shyness creeping back into him.
 
Jensen’s face lit up and he took a step towards him.
 
“Really? Well, I could—come by your place, later,” Jensen suggested
tentatively.
 
“That would be great,” Jared agreed. He moved to hand Jensen the bottles back,
Jensen took them but Jared didn’t let go, their fingers brushing each others.
“I have the whole afternoon free; I don’t have to work till tonight.”
 
“Okay, I’ll come by after lunch?” Jensen suggested, staring up at Jared. Jared
watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed and desperately wanted to kiss it.
He stepped closer to Jensen biting his lip nervously.
 
“We could always, you know, get lunch together,” he said shyly. Jensen smiled,
a light shining in his eyes as he opened his mouth to speak.
 
“Jensen.” Danneel’s shrill voice came from the doorway and Jared immediately
broke his hold on the bottles. Jared watched as Jensen closed his eyes and
curse under his breath before plastering on a fake smile and turning towards
his girlfriend. “If you don’t hurry up we’re going to be late,” she told him
testily.
 
“Late for what?” Jensen asked with a frown.
 
“For what? For lunch idiot. Now get a move on,” she ordered him. Jared felt a
flare of anger surge through him at the way she spoke to Jensen. He looked to
Jensen and raised an eyebrow. Jensen pressed his lips together.
 
“Actually I was going to—”
 
“Yeah what ever honey, now put all that crap away and let’s go,” Danneel waved
a hand dismissively and cast a disgusted look at all the equipment on the
tables.
 
“But I—” Jensen tried again, a slightly desperate look on his face.
 
“Now Jensen,” Danneel said impatiently.
 
“I’ll give you a hand,” Jared offered and started picking things up.
 
“He can manage,” Danneel said stiffly, her eyes settling on Jared sharply, her
lip curling up in distain.
 
“It’s okay, Jay. I’ll see you later, okay?” Jensen said quickly before Jared
could say anything.
 
“We still on for later?” Jared asked quietly.
 
“Absolutely. I’ll come by your place after lunch,” Jensen smiled before quickly
moving to gather the equipment together.
 
“Alright, see you then,” Jared said and reluctantly went to the door.
 
“You’re doing what later?” Danneel asked sharply and Jared paused outside the
door to listen.
 
“I’m going to Jared’s to help him learn some new tricks,” Jensen said honestly.
 
“Isn’t that what this stupid class is for? I don’t know why you teach it in the
first place, it’s not like you need the money, it’s just a waste of time,”
Danneel snapped, and Jared’s fists curled into tight balls.
 
“I do it because I enjoy it,” Jensen said tensely. “And I’m teaching Jared
things I don’t teach in the class, he has the potential to be really good but
he needs the extra guidance to achieve it,” Jensen explain and Jared felt
himself blush at the praise.
 
“Why can’t he just go to your advanced class?” Danneel said suspiciously.
 
“Danneel, look. Jared’s on a time limit, he needs to learn this stuff quickly
so he can keep his job. It’s my job, Danny, and I intend to do it properly.”
Jared was proud of Jensen for standing up to her, although he was a little
disappointed at being put in the category of his job.
 
“So I see,” Danneel said in a low voice and Jared didn’t like the sound of it
one bit. That woman was dangerous, conniving and definitely not to be trusted.
 
 
Jared rushed around his apartment, tidying everything he could find. He didn’t
know exactly when Jensen was going to get there and he knew Jensen had been
there before, but he still wanted the place to look nice.
 
He stopped and looked around the room, good, it was acceptable. Jared pulled
his t-shirt from his body. Fuck, I stink, he thought. Groaning, he quickly
dashed into the shower and washed as fast as he could.
 
He was just climbing out and rubbing a towel around his body when he heard a
knocking on the door.
 
“Jay? You in there?” It was Jensen. Shit. Jared looked down at himself,
dripping wet and naked. Shit.
 
“Um, yeah. Just let yourself in, Jen, I’ll be there in a minute,” Jared called
making a dash for the bedroom.
 
“Okay,” he heard Jensen shout back and after a few seconds he heard the spare
key going into the lock.
 
With lightening speed Jared pulled on some clean jeans and a t-shirt, he
checked himself in the mirror, brushing back his wet hair; he gave it a shake
like a wet dog and brushed it back again. Okay, good enough, he thought and
braved exiting the bedroom.
 
“Hey,” he called to Jensen who was busy juggling with the bottles he’d brought
with him.
 
“Hey,” Jensen said back and stopped juggling to smile at Jared. His eyes took
in his damp appearance, and he swallowed before looking away, a blush darkening
his cheeks.
 
“How was your lunch?” Jared couldn’t stop himself from asking.
 
“Don’t even,” Jensen rolled his eyes. “Turns out it was with these two other
women, some deal Danny’s making for whatever new scheme of hers she’s working
on now. She just wanted me there to make her look good.”
 
“Eye candy, huh?” Jared chuckled, even though his heart wasn’t really in it.
 
“I spent the entire lunch being groped by this one woman who, I swear, was old
enough to be my mom. She kept looking at me like she wanted to eat me.” Jensen
shivered, his face pulled into a grimace at the memory.
 
“Well, you are very tasty,” Jared teased and poked Jensen in the ribs.
 
“Just please, wipe it from my memory?” Jensen begged.
 
Before Jared could change his mind he quickly moved into Jensen’s space.
 
“My pleasure,” he whispered just as he caught Jensen’s lips with his own.
 
Jensen let out a surprised whimper but didn’t pull away. Jared felt Jensen’s
body relax into him as they kissed. God, Jared had missed this. He constantly
thought about what it was like to kiss Jensen, and every time he saw him is was
so hard not to just jump him there and then.
 
He pulled Jensen against him and slipped his tongue into his mouth, desperate
to relearn his taste. Jensen moaned softly and opened up willingly to Jared’s
probing tongue, greeting it with his own.
 
Gradually Jared slowed the kiss, taking it smaller until they were just pecks
on Jensen’s red and swollen lips.
 
“Memory wiped?” Jared asked quietly. Jensen’s eyes were still closed, his mouth
hung open slightly.
 
“Uh-huh,” Jensen nodded and slowly opened his eyes to find Jared’s gazing down
at him. “So you haven’t—you’re not—seeing someone new?” Jensen asked
hesitantly.
 
“No, there is no one else, Jen,” Jared smiled and stroked Jensen’s cheek
lightly with his thumb. “It’s only you.”
 
After all the fears Jared had, all the pain those fears caused him, nothing
compared to the agony of not being with Jensen. Just knowing that he was with
someone else, with Danneel, it cut Jared up inside.
 
“But what about—what you said last time—?” Jensen asked, worry and confusion
filling his every word.
 
Jared sighed; he took Jensen’s hand and led him to the sofa. They sat and Jared
turned to face Jensen.
 
“There are things about me—that you don’t know,” Jared said hesitantly. He
didn’t know what he was going to tell Jensen, but he had to say something.
 
“I know,” Jensen nodded; his face was an open book. He was ready to listen.
 
“I can’t tell you everything, I wish I could but—I’m—I’m just not strong
enough,” Jared started, his heart racing as his hands began to shake. Jensen
gripped his hand tightly, giving silent support. “There are some—things—in my
past, and sometimes, they don’t like to stay there.” Jared tried to explain
without actually having to tell him anything. He couldn’t look at Jensen, not
until he was finished. “Some things—happened and—” Jared broke off, he
couldn’t, he just couldn’t say it, he squeezed his eyes shut and shook his
head.
 
“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to tell me anything,” Jensen said, he was right
there, his hand on Jared’s face, gently brushing away the tears Jared hadn’t
even notice fall.
 
“I’m pretty messed up, Jen,” he admitted, his voice cracking as his throat
closed up on him. “You’re the first guy, the first person; I’ve been with since
high school. There was only ever one other person and we—he—” He stopped and
closed his eyes again.
 
“Oh God, I pushed you too far, didn’t I?” Jensen breathed. “I’m so sorry, I
should’ve noticed, I should’ve seen—”
 
“No, it’s not your fault; none of this is your fault. It’s mine, okay? It’s my
fault; I’m the one to blame,” Jared insisted, looking Jensen firmly in the eye.
He couldn’t stand it if Jensen thought he’d been in the wrong when Jared had
given him no indication that there was anything going on. He’d been hiding it
for so long and he was pretty damn good at it.
 
“What do you need, Jay? Anything, okay?” Jensen swore.
 
“It was a little too fast—before. I need, time to adjust?” Jared tried to
explain but he was pretty certain he was making no sense.
 
“Of course, Jay. We can take things any speed you like. We don’t have to do
anything you don’t want to, I promise,” Jensen told him, their eyes were locked
and Jared could see the sincerity in Jensen’s, he meant every word he said,
that much was obvious.
 
“Kiss me?” Jared asked, needing to be close to Jensen again.
 
Jensen smiled brightly, obviously pleased by the request. He leaned forward,
slipping a hand around Jared’s neck and pulled their faces together.
 
“Anytime,” Jensen whispered against Jared’s lips before brushing them together
tenderly. It wasn’t enough, Jared needed more than that. He pushed against
Jensen, forcing their lips more firmly together. Jensen just went with it; he
let Jared take the lead. Holding them close, Jared plundered Jensen’s mouth
almost desperately. He forced his way inside and took everything he wanted from
Jensen’s willing mouth. He pulled back, tugging Jensen with him. He rested
against the back of the sofa and practically lifted Jensen into his lap. Jensen
parted his legs until he was straddling Jared, they didn’t break their kiss
once.
 
“Take this off,” Jared ordered; tugging at Jensen’s t-shirt, he needed to feel
Jensen, to feel his skin, to run his hands over him as if to prove to himself
that he really was there. Jensen didn’t argue for a second, he ripped the top
over his head and was back at Jared mouth within seconds.
 
Jared shuddered at the feel of Jensen’s skin under his fingertips, his pale,
smooth flesh rippled under his touch as Jensen moved above him. Jensen broke
the kiss for a moment as he pushed his groin down into Jared’s, his eyes
questioning, silently asking if it was okay.
 
“God yes,” Jared said out loud. Just that one push had sent a thrill through
him, and he wanted more. He hands wandered Jensen’s body, feeling and exploring
every centimetre of naked flesh as Jensen ground down into his again.
 
Jensen’s breath was becoming harsher, his eyes were closed and Jared just
stared at him in wonder.
 
“You’re gorgeous, you know that?” Jared whispered. Jensen opened his eyes to
stare down at Jared, he appeared surprised by the comment and his cheeks
flushed adorably.
 
“I—” Jensen went to speak but was interrupted by his cell ringing in his
pocket. His entire body deflated; grinding his teeth together he reached into
his back pocket and retrieved his phone. Jared saw on the caller ID that it was
Danneel and was violently snapped back into reality. Jensen wasn’t his anymore,
he shouldn’t be doing this, Jensen belonged to someone else.
 
He was surprised when Jensen turned off his phone and tossed it over onto the
arm chair.
 
“I fucking hate that bitch,” he growled, when he looked back to Jared his eyes
widened. “What?” he asked at the look on Jared’s face.
 
“You stood up to her,” Jared stated, he was shocked. He’d been expecting Jensen
to answer the phone and rush away to do her every bidding.
 
“Yeah,” Jensen agreed in surprise. “Now all I gotta do is do it to her face.”
 
Jared chuckled; maybe he did have Jensen back after all.
 
“So, what do you want to do?” Jensen asked. “You wanna stay here like this, or
go juggle some bottles?”
 
Jared smiled, he loved that Jensen was giving him a choice, giving him an out.
He thought about it seriously for a moment.
 
“Um, don’t take this the wrong way, but—” Jared couldn’t believe he was going
to say this. “Could we do some juggling for a while?” It wasn’t that he didn’t
want to stay there and enjoy kissing Jensen, he did, and he could kiss him for
ever. But they’d only just got back together, and he was afraid that if they
carried on like they were they might take things too far and Jared just didn’t
think he could handle things blowing up in his face right now.
 
“How could I take that the wrong way?” Jensen grinned. “At least you’re not
kicking me out.”
 
“As if I’d do that,” Jared grinned right back. He leaned up and kissed Jensen
again, it was a passionate kiss but they stopped before either could take it
any further.
 
Jensen climbed off Jared’s lap and held his hand out too him. Jared accepted
the hand, slipping his fingers over his warm skin. When Jensen reached for his
top Jared wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed into his back.
 
“You don’t have to put that back on, you know,” he murmured against Jensen’s
neck, kissing the skin there, moving down over the back of his naked shoulders.
 
“You really think we’ll get anything done if I leave it off?” Jensen chuckled,
but groaned slightly dropping his head down and closing his eyes to enjoy the
sensation of Jared’s kisses.
 
“You probably right,” Jared agreed. Reluctantly he moved away and watched
Jensen pull his t-shirt back over his head, mussing up his hair slightly.
 
“I’ve got so many awesome tricks to show you,” Jensen grinned, a new bounce in
his step as he went to pick up the bottles. Jared loved how excited Jensen got
when he started teaching. He had this glint in his eye and his smile was never
false.
 
Jensen spend the best part of the afternoon teaching Jared all sorts of amazing
tricks, they had so much fun they didn’t notice time slipping away from them.
 
“Oh shit,” Jared said suddenly noticing the time. “I’ve got to be at work in
twenty minutes.”
 
They exchanged glances before bursting into to laughter. Jensen slipped an arm
around Jared’s waist and smiled up at him. “I’m off work tonight; I could come
with you, if you like?”
 
“Don’t you already have plans?” Jared asked cautiously.
 
“To be honest?” Jared nodded. “I have no idea and I really don’t care.”
 
“In that case, I would love it if you came,” Jared grinned and leaned down for
a kiss.
 
 
Sandy, Chris and Steve turned up at Tom’s about half way through the night;
they clapped Jensen on the back and waved to Jared.
 
“Man, I’ve been trying to call you all day, where you been?” Steve said,
nodding to Jared in thanks for the drink he was given.
 
“Oh, sorry. I turned my phone off,” Jensen apologised and laughed at the wide
eyed looks he received from his three friends. “What?”
 
“You? Turned your phone off?” Chris asked incredulously.
 
“Isn’t that like, forbidden or something?” Sandy asked, making an obvious dig.
 
“Probably, but I lost my list of rules so I improvised,” Jensen shrugged.
 
“You blanked her?” Steve said in awe. “Way to go, there may be hope for you
yet.”
 
“So, if you weren’t with the Beast, where have you been all day?” Chris raised
an eyebrow questioningly.
 
Jensen looked at the bar in hopes to hide his flush, but before he spoke he
look up and smiled into green-brown eyes. “I was at Jared’s,” he said, loving
the way Jared blushed as well, like they’d been caught out or something.
 
“Were you really? Well, that’s alright then,” Steve nodded and drank his beer
to try and hide his smile.
 
“It is, is it?” Jensen chuckled.
 
“Yep, you totally have our permission to blow off the bitch in favour of
hanging out with Jay. He’s obviously a good influence on you,” Chris agreed and
slapped Jensen on the back.
 
“Well, that calls for some shots,” Sandy announced and Jared had them all lined
up before anyone could disagree, not that anyone was going to. “Come on, Jay,
you too.”
 
Jared looked to Tom who raised an eyebrow. “Only if I get one too,” Tom grinned
and came over. They all downed their shots as one, all cringing slightly
against the burn and agreeing they needed more.
 
By the end of the night they were all pretty wasted, even Jared. They left the
bar laughing, arms slung over each others and Steve complaining he was the
fifth wheel again. Jared grabbed him and plastered a sloppy kiss to his cheek
while he tried desperately to push him away.
 
“Urgh, if that’s the way you normally kiss, I feel sorry for Jen,” Steve
complained, wiping his hand over his face in an attempt to get the slobber off.
 
Jensen stepped in front of Jared and slipped his arms around his waist.
 
“I dunno, I can’t remember,” he said slyly.
 
“I’ll have to remind you then won’t I?” Jared grinned and pulled Jensen against
him.
 
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Jensen grinned back and leaned up for a kiss.
 
Jared kissed him deeply, slipping in his tongue. Jensen could taste the tequila
on his breath and opened his mouth wider for more.
 
“Okay, okay, that’s enough you two; take that sort of thing home with you
okay?” Steve tried to break them apart but they chased each others lips until
they had no choice but to fall apart laughing.
 
Jensen noticed Sandy watching closely, a small smile on her lips but her eyes
betrayed her worry. Jensen caught her gaze and tried to portray in one look how
much he felt for Jared and that he had no intention of hurting him again. Sandy
seemed to get the message and smiled a little wider.
 
“Mmm, taking it home sounds like a good idea to me,” Jared slurred against his
ear, nibbling on his lobe.
 
“Well, there isn’t a hope in Hell I can go home in this state, not unless I
have a death wish,” Jensen stated seriously.
 
“Then you’ll just have to come with me,” Jared grinned and tugged him away from
the others and towards his place. They others just laughed and waved them off.
 
 
As soon as Jared had the door closed he couldn’t keep himself off Jensen any
longer. He flicked the lock on the door and dragged Jensen into the bedroom.
 
Then their lips were attacking each others and their tongues caught in a
frantic dance for dominance.
 
“Jay, Jay, are you sure—” Jensen started to ask.
 
“I just wanna be close to you, Jen, that’s all, nothing more,” Jared said as he
pulled at Jensen’s top until he let him remove it.
 
“Just tell me when to stop, okay?” Jensen told him, running desperate kisses
over Jared throat.
 
“I will, I promise,” Jared swore. “Now, c’mere.”
 
Jared smashed their lips together again and walked them back to the bed. He
pushed Jensen backwards until he flopped onto the mattress then he crouched at
his feet. Jensen looked at him in alarm but Jared just grinned and pulled off
Jensen’s boots before tugging off his own.
 
“You’ve got a filthy mind,” Jared accused and he crawled over Jensen’s body to
lie on top of him.
 
“That’s entirely your fault,” Jensen accused right back.
 
Jared dipped his head and kissed across Jensen’s exposed chest, he was a little
unsure of how far he was willing to take this, he just knew he wanted to kiss
as much of Jensen as he could get to, he wanted to worship the beautiful body
below him.
 
Jensen’s fingers slipped into Jared’s hair and he threw his head back and
enjoyed the attention Jared lavished on him. Carefully, Jared slipped an arm
under Jensen’s body and lifted him from the bed, he gently moved them up so
Jensen’s head was resting against the pillows, then he retuned his attention to
Jensen’s body.
 
He licked around Jensen’s nipple, enjoying the way Jensen arched his body up
into him. As he kissed his way over to the other nipple, he ran his hands down
Jensen’s sides and undid the button of his jeans. As he undid the zipper he
moved to meet Jensen’s wary eyes.
 
“You’re not going to sleep in these,” he told him with a wink and helped Jensen
pull them off so Jensen was in just his boxers.
 
“And what are you sleeping in?” Jensen countered and eyed Jared’s fully clothed
body.
 
“I dunno, that depends on what you leave me in when I pass out,” Jared replied
and they both laughed.
 
Jensen reached up to claim Jared’s lips and then they were kissing again.
Jared’s body tingled and his mind traced the movement of Jensen’s hands as they
slid down to play with the hem of his t-shirt. Slowly, those hands felt their
way to Jared’s skin and Jared shivered, closing his eyes.
 
“Okay?” Jensen asked cautiously.
 
“Perfect,” Jared replied, gasping as Jensen’s hands slid higher up his back and
around his sides.
 
“Can we get rid of this?” Jensen asked, pushing the t-shirt until it was
bunched around Jared’s chest.
 
“God yes,” Jared breathed and let Jensen slip the shirt over his head. When the
offending material was gone, Jensen gently pushed Jared onto his back, now it
was his turn to lavish the attention. He kissed down Jared’s neck while his
hands ran down his chest. Jared closed his eyes and held onto Jensen’s muscular
arms.
 
Gradually Jensen went lower, pressing soft kisses in a circle around Jared’s
belly button and down his naval. When his hands met Jared’s jeans he looked up,
asking permission to go further. Jared’s heart started to race faster, his
fingers gripped onto the sheets and with a deep breath he nodded, giving Jensen
the go ahead.
 
Excruciatingly slowly, Jensen flicked open the button and pulled down the zip,
he kissed along the waist band of Jared’s boxers as his fingers hooked in
Jared’s belt loops. He tugged on the jeans and Jared lifted his hip to aid
their decent.
 
Finally they came off and Jensen was crawling his way back up to Jared’s face.
 
“Everything okay?” he asked, and Jared’s pulse slowed down slightly, Jensen’s
concern soothing him.
 
“Yeah,” Jared smiled. “Everything’s really good.”
 
“Good,” Jensen grinned and pressed their foreheads together.
 
Jared stared into his bright green eyes; he drowned in the way they washed over
him.
 
“I’m glad we did this,” Jared suddenly admitted, his fingers coming up trace
over the freckles dusting Jensen’s cheeks.
 
“Yeah, so am I,” Jensen agreed, leaning his head into Jared’s hand.
 
Jared felt so content at that moment; he leaned up to kiss Jensen, smiling
against his lips. His hands slid over Jensen’s shoulders and down his back
lightly, smiling wider when Jensen shivered against him.
 
“Cold?” Jared asked quietly.
 
“No,” Jensen shook his head and kissed Jared again. He licked for entrance
which Jared granted immediately. Jensen deepened the kiss, shifting to straddle
Jared. Their chests slipped against each other, sending jolts through Jared’s
body. He groaned into Jensen’s mouth, gripping him behind his head he pulled
Jensen closer, kissing him desperately.
 
He could feel his erection pressing against Jensen’s as Jensen ground down
against him. As Jensen rolled his hips, stimulating him Jared had to break the
kiss and gasp for breath.
 
“Good?” Jensen asked, panting against Jared’s lips while staring him in the
eyes.
 
Jared couldn’t speak, Jensen kept up the pressure, sending wave after wave of
pure pleasure through Jared’s body, every time their erections brushed firmly
against each other. Frantically he nodded his head, blocking out every fear the
tried to worm its way into his mind. This was Jensen, Jensen who he cared about
and who would never hurt him.
 
“Uh, Jay you just—” Jensen gasped against him, kissing along his jaw to his
ear. “You feel amazing, Jay. I thought I’d lost you, I thought I’d never get to
do this again.”
 
“I know,” Jared nodded, he’d felt exactly the same way. “God, Jen, it hurt so
much to be apart from you,” he admitted, pushing up against Jensen’s down
thrust and moaning loudly.
 
Jensen’s movements sped up, his hand gripping onto Jared’s arm tightly.
 
“Uh, I’m so close, Jay, I’m so close,” Jensen bit off a moan, burying his head
in Jared’s shoulder. All Jared could do was nod, he was right there, the heat
in his belly curling down, getting hotter, his balls were tightening.
 
“I need some thing more, can I, please?” Jensen begged, biting into Jared’s
neck, Jared yelped and bucked up into him. “Please, Jay, I need to touch you.”
Jensen was practically sobbing against him, his need was pushing him so close
to the edge but he couldn’t quite go over.
 
“Jen,” Jared tried to speak. He needed to come so badly, he needed Jensen to
make him come. “Jen, please. Touch me?” Jared cried desperately.
 
Jensen didn’t waste any time, he yanked Jared’s boxers down to his thighs,
giving his own the same treatment, then he crashed their lips together and he
folded his hand around both their cocks at once.
 
Jared threw his head back and cried out, every nerve in his body wanting to
explode with pleasure. Jensen groaned and grunted against him, jacking them
both at the same time.
 
The feel of their dicks touching was astounding, being held firmly against that
hot, hard length.
 
“Oh fuck,” Jared shouted, squeezing his eyes closed and his climax build to
almost unbearable levels. “Jen, fuck, Jen.” He was panting hard, thrusting up
into Jensen’s hand.
 
“Jay, oh God,” Jensen gasped. “I’m gonna come,” Jensen told him, Jared nodding
in response.
 
Then Jensen was spilling his hot cream over Jared’s stomach, moaning loudly in
Jared’s ear.
 
“I need to—” Jared sobbed, he couldn’t let go. His cock was so hard, so full,
it was overly ready to burst, but no matter how much he willed it, he just
couldn’t let go.
 
Jensen’s hand still stroked him, still stimulated him, but it was only making
it more painful.
 
“Jen, can I? Please let me?” Tears fell over Jared’s face, his cheeks burning
with shame. He couldn’t come without permission, without being told to and he
didn’t want to have to go into his mind to get that order.
 
“Hey, hey, hey,” Jensen came back to himself, staring in horror at Jared’s
tears. “What is it? Can you what?”
 
“I can’t—” Jared cried, more tears spilling over from his eyes. “I need you to
tell me to.”
 
Realisation spread over Jensen’s face, his eyes filled with water and he stared
at Jared’s flushed cheeks. He dipped his head until his lips were against
Jared’s ear.
 
“Come for me, Jay,” he whispered as he tightened his grip on Jared’s cock.
 
Jared screamed, he head flew back and his body shook almost violently as he
climaxed, his come joining Jensen’s on his stomach. His vision went white and
stream after stream of come pulsed from his body. It was so intense his head
spun, he’d held on too long, waited too long. Gradually the hot white before
his eyes gave way to darkness and he passed out.
***** Chapter 11 *****
Part 11
 
“Oh fuck, Jay. Jay, are you alright?” Jensen called desperately. Jared’s eyes
had closed and his body went limp and now he wasn’t moving. Jensen shook him
gently, then a little harder when there was no response.
 
Finally Jared’s eyes flickered open and Jensen breathed a huge sigh of relief.
 
“Hey,” he said softly. “You okay?”
 
“What happened?” Jared croaked.
 
“You passed out, but only for a minute. You’re okay, right?” Jensen searched
Jared’s eyes. He could see the moment it all came flooding back, Jared’s eyes
widened and his face flushed a deep red.
 
“Oh God, I’m so sorry,” Jared groaned.
 
“What? God no, I’m the one who should be sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. I
got wrapped up in my own stupid orgasm—I’m sorry, I should’ve been more
careful.” Jensen felt awful. Jared had been crying, actually crying and Jensen
hadn’t noticed.
 
“It wasn’t your fault, Jen. Like you said, you didn’t know, and how could you
have. I didn’t really know until just then,” Jared tried to placate him.
 
“Here,” Jensen said, he reached over the side of the bed and came back with his
t-shirt. He used it to wipe up Jared’s stomach. “I think I may have to borrow
one of yours tomorrow,” he laughed, pleased when Jared laughed with him.
 
“Thank you,” Jared smiled at him as Jensen snuggled down next to him.
 
“Jay, can I ask you something?” Jensen ventured, not sure if he should bring it
up or not.
 
Jared’s features darkened, he knew what Jensen wanted to ask, but he nodded.
 
“Why?” Jensen asked, when he received no answer he took a breath and
elaborated, “Why did you need me to tell you to come?”
 
“Force of habit,” Jared shrugged; he avoided Jensen’s eyes and Jensen readied
himself for a lie. “My boyfriend in high school, it was kind of a kink of his.
He liked to be in control and he liked me to hold on till he told me to—told me
that I could let go.”
 
Jensen studied Jared, he figured that was partly true but he had a sneaking
suspicion that Jared hadn’t had much choice in this so called kink. He was
slowly starting to understand what it may be that Jared’s been hiding about his
past and it made Jensen feel sick. He knew there was something, but it was
becoming more and more obvious that Jared was sexually abused by this so called
boyfriend.
 
“How old were you when you started dating?” Jensen asked, trying to keep it
casual.
 
“I was fifteen,” Jared told him, that haunted look coming back into his eyes.
 
“And how was he?” he pushed. For some reason he wanted as much information as
he could get on this asshole.
 
“He—he was o-older,” Jared said. “Can we go to sleep now?”
 
“Yeah, yeah sure we can,” Jensen agreed and watched as Jared turned his back on
him. What did he mean by older? How much older?
 
Jensen looked at Jared’s back; he didn’t want to leave it like that, not on a
bad memory of Jared’s past.
 
“Hey,” he said gently and tugged slightly on Jared’s shoulder. Jared rolled
back and looked up into Jensen’s eyes. Jensen smiled at him, brushing away
Jared’s hair from his eyes. “Do you regret we did that? Was it too soon?”
 
“No,” Jared said immediately and Jensen could tell he meant it. “It was
amazing, Jen. Really. I’d never regret it.”
 
Jensen smiled and kissed Jared softly. “It was pretty amazing wasn’t it?” he
grinned and Jared chuckled.
 
“Yeah, it was.” Jared kissed him back and this time when they snuggled down
under the covers, Jensen rested his head against Jared’s shoulder and Jared’s
wrapped his arms around him tightly. “I like holding you like this,” Jared said
quietly.
 
“Mmm, I like you holding me like this,” Jensen agreed and nuzzled into him a
little. Jensen placed a kiss on Jared’s chest. “Night Jay.”
 
“See you in the morning, Jen,”
 
***
 
When Jared woke up the next day, Jensen was curled against his body, holding
him tightly around the waist. Jared shifted a little so he was on his side and
could see Jensen’s face.
 
He watched him sleep for about ten minutes, lightly touching his freckles and
his hair. Jensen was beautiful. Sure, Jared had been called beautiful before,
once even by Jensen, but he was nothing compared to the man next to him. Jensen
had an innocence about his features, and Jared was captivated by it.
 
“You’re staring at me, aren’t you?” Jensen mumbled, shifting closer to Jared.
 
“Can you blame me?” Jared countered placing a kiss on Jensen’s head.
 
“Mmm, morning,” Jensen nuzzled against Jared until he rolled onto his back and
Jensen could rest his head on Jared’s chest.
 
“Morning,” Jared smiled. Jensen was adorable when he was sleepy. “You’re quite
the cuddler aren’t you?”
 
“No, I just like cuddling you,” Jensen grinned against Jared’s skin.
 
“You want some coffee?” Jared offered.
 
“Does that mean you have to move?” Jensen asked.
 
“Unless you can move things with your mind, yes,” Jared chuckled as Jensen held
him tighter.
 
“Then no, not yet.”
 
Jared smiled and wrapped his arms more firmly around Jensen’s body, running his
thumb over the little bumps on his spine; he closed his eyes and slowly drifted
off to sleep again.
 
The next time he woke, Jensen wasn’t there, he could smell coffee wafting from
the kitchen and smiled.
 
He and Jensen spent the day lazing around Jared’s apartment. Sandy called, just
checking in she said and asked what they were doing that night. Jensen was
working and Chris and Steve were playing so Jared and Sandy said they’d go to
the Lithe and keep them company.
 
Jared went with Jensen back to his place so Jensen could get a change of
clothes, and they were both relieved to find that Danneel wasn’t there. Jensen
had turned his phone back on and there had been a string of loud and abusive
voicemails that Jensen refused to listen to, so he just deleted the lot.
 
They went to the Lithe, Jared helped Chris and Steve set up. He messed about
behind the bar with Jensen. Jensen taught him the ingredients to put in Sandy’s
cocktail and let him make it himself, much to Sandy’s delight. She clapped a
hollered and Chris and Steve congratulated him on his first solo cocktail, with
all the moves to accompany it.
 
Finally the night was in full swing. Jared sat at the bar and watched Jensen
work, the two exchanging smiles with each other and Jensen occasionally pulling
Jared behind the bar to make some drinks.
 
Everything was perfect, right up until Danneel made her entrance. She didn’t
say a word, just stood at the bar until one of the bartenders made her a
drink—they obviously all knew what she drank.
 
Jared exchanged glances with Jensen, who looked worried, but he shook his head
and suggested that Jared go dance with Sandy, who was looking bored.
 
Jared reluctantly agreed. He went to Sandy, put a hand on her back and led her
to the dance floor.
 
***
 
Meanwhile, at the bar, Danneel had been joined by Chad. He followed her stare
and found she was looking at the object of his dreams and the one of his
nightmares.
 
“She’s something isn’t she?” Chad said, nodded in Sandy’s direction as she
swayed to the music against Jared. “Shame she takes her lanky boyfriend with
her everywhere she goes. God, I’d like to punch that guy. If only I could get
some time alone with her, I could show her what a real man’s like.”
 
Danneel turned her piercing stare on Chad. “That’s not her boyfriend,” she said
sharply.
 
“Yeah? And how would you know?” he asked raising an eyebrow.
 
“Because I happen to know that he,” she pointed at Jared. “Is gay.”
 
Chad wrinkled up his nose and looked at Jared in disgust. “He’s a fag?”
 
“Well at least that proves that you’re not, your gaydar is non-existent,”
Danneel sighed, gradually she smiled. “You know, I think I know how I might
help you get your wish” she said slyly and leaned over to whisper in his ear.
 
***
 
Jared continued to dance with Sandy, liking watching her have a good time. He’d
almost forgotten Danneel was even there until he saw her walk right behind the
bar, straight up to Jensen and kiss him, full on the lips.
 
Jared froze, watching Jensen’s hand wrap around her arm. Sandy also stopped and
followed his gaze.
 
“I thought he—” Sandy started.
 
“Yeah, so did I,” Jared said tightly. “You going home with Chris tonight?”
 
“Yeah,” Sandy confirmed, still not taking her eyes off Danneel pressing Jensen
against the counter.
 
“Good, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jared leaned down and kissed Sandy on her cheek.
 
“Wait, you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” she called after him.
 
“No, I want to be alone,” Jared replied before walking out of the bar.
 
He didn’t see Jensen pushing Danneel off, seeing her slap him in the face and
start an argument while he wiped his mouth in disgust.
 
No, Jared’s heart was breaking once again by the sight of Jensen kissing
Danneel.
 
 
Jared was a little over half way home when he heard a noise behind him. He
stopped and frowned, hearing nothing he carried on walking. When he heard the
sound again he turned around—just in time to get smacked in the face with a
piece of wood.
 
Jared fell to the ground and groaned; instinctively putting a hand to his face,
when it came away it was covered in blood. He blinked and tried to stand up but
received a foot to the gut, keeping him on the ground.
 
“That’s it, stay down, fucking faggot,” a voice snarled at him. When a kick hit
him in the back, Jared knew there was more than one person. He lashed out
wildly, keeping his arms swinging until he managed to get to his feet. When he
was standing he faced his attackers.
 
He was surprised to see the blonde guy who he’d punched that one time at the
Lithe; surely this wasn’t retaliation for that?
 
“What the fuck are you looking at, cocksucker?” the blonde guy literarily spat
at him.
 
“What do you want?” Jared asked, forcing himself against the pain in his
stomach and back to stand to his full height. He tried to school his face into
someone you didn’t mess with, but he knew he looked as terrified as he felt. He
wasn’t a fighter; he didn’t know how to defend himself. The only thing he could
do is try to talk his way out of what ever this was.
 
“What do I want?” the blonde guy looked thoughtful. “I want you away from my
woman, that’s what. You pretending you’re that little hotties boyfriend, not
giving us real men a chance to get close to her and show her what she’s
missing.”
 
“You stay the Hell away from her,” Jared warned, real anger coming out now. No
one messed with Sandy, not if he had anything to say about it.
 
“Oh, you don’t get to give the orders around here, butt fuck.”
 
Jared wasn’t prepared for someone to come behind his and wrap large strong arms
around him, pinning his arms against his body.
 
“Get the fuck off me,” Jared shouted, hoping someone would come to his aid.
 
“I don’t think so. You’re not welcome around here; you need to be taught a
lesson.”
 
Jared doubled over as a fist collided with his stomach, he would’ve fallen to
the ground if the arms around him hadn’t held him up. The next blow was aimed
at his face, crashing into his jaw and snapping his head painfully to the side.
The blows didn’t stop. The piece of wood was taken to his knees, knocking the
strength out of them. Jared screamed in agony, yelling for someone to help him
as he fell to the ground.
 
“Shut him the fuck up,” someone shouted and Jared got a kick to the face.
 
“Kill the fucking queer,” someone else yelled.
 
Jared saw a foot by his head and blinked to focus on it. He reached out and
grabbed it around the ankle; he pulled as hard as he could, rolling away for
extra momentum. The body attached to the leg fell to the ground with a
satisfying crack.
 
“Chad, are you okay?” Chad, he had a name. Jared smiled and raised his fist; he
brought it down on Chad’s face. He knew he had muscles, and he knew he’d hit
this guy before and he was a wimp. He heard another crack as Chad’s nose broke.
 
Suddenly, he was receiving continual kicks to the chest by at least two people.
A couple of the blows went to his groin and Jared screamed trying to protect
himself with his hands only to have them stamped into the ground.
 
“Fucking fuck him up, fucking queer faggot,” Chad was yelling.
 
Queer faggot, that’s clever, he’s obviously the brains, Jared thought through
the pain, trying anything to take his mind off what was happening and the agony
coursing through his body.
 
The pain in his chest was getting worse, and they weren’t letting up. Jared
curled around his body, bringing his arms up to protect himself.
 
Being in this position, hearing the obscenities that were being screamed at
him, Jared could hear other voices, older ones, voices from his past. No, Jared
though. I don’t want to go there again, please.
 
“Please, stop,” he begged out loud but they couldn’t hear him. His hands and
arms were pulled away from his body, they were held out to the side and he was
forced onto his back. Someone straddled him, he tried to buck them off but the
pain prevented him from putting any force behind it.
 
“Are trying to fucking fuck me?” Chad’s voice bellowed in his face. He could
just make out the fist that flew into his cheek, followed immediately by
another. The hits kept coming. Jared could feel the blood running down his face
and in his eyes and mouth, he chocked on it. Still the blows came. At this
point Jared begged for it to be over, begged not to feel anymore, the pain was
too intense. Even in school he’d never received a beating this bad. Was he
going to die? Finally the darkness claimed him and Jared welcomed it.
 
 
Jared cried out when he came too. His entire body was screaming in agony. He
remembered what had happened to him, he remember Chad and his friends beating
the crap out of him, calling him names, hating him because he was gay.
 
But they were gone now; he couldn’t hear anything but distance music from the
bars. Carefully Jared picked himself up and tried to stand on his feet. His
legs were wobbly and his knees throbbed, but they held his weight. Slowly Jared
staggered home, he just wanted to get off the streets in case they came back to
finish him off.
 
He had to practically crawl up the stairs, his strength waning on him. He fell
through his door, using his legs to kick it closed behind him. Then he curled
into a ball and let his tears flood his face, mixing with his blood.
 
It was painful to move but somehow he got his hand in his pocket and retrieved
his cell, he flicked it open, and sighed in relief that it hadn’t been broken.
With shaking fingers he pressed speed dial one and then dropped the phone on
the ground, his sobs wracking through his aching body again.
 
He heard Sandy answer, he could tell she was still at the bar, he could hear
Chris and Steve playing in the back ground. He wondered how long he’d been out
for. He could hear her calling him, and gradually the music got quieter and
Sandy’s voice clearer, she must’ve gone outside to hear better.
 
“Sandy,” Jared groaned but he could barely get out a sound, he just let his
cries take over, really unable to hold them back even a little.
 
“Jared? Jared?” Sandy was calling him. “Oh fuck, hold on honey, I’m coming, I’m
on my way right now, okay. Shit, shit, shit. TAXI!! Hold for me, Jay, I’m on my
way, alright, I’ll be there in a minute. Fuck.” The line went dead and Jared
closed his eyes.
 
***
 
Sandy paid the cab and raced up the stairs to Jared’s door. She didn’t bother
knocking; she just used her own key and let herself in. The door was stopped by
something, she tried to force it open but as she pushed she heard a groan
coming from inside.
 
“Jay?” Sandy called, pushing against the door again. Gradually she managed to
push what ever it was with the door until there was enough room for her to
squeeze through.
 
“Oh fuck,” she gasped when she saw Jared laying, a bloody mess on the floor.
“Oh fuck, Jay?”
 
She ran to kneel at his side and looked at his face. There was blood
everywhere, he was badly bruised and one eye was swollen so bad she knew he
wouldn’t be able to open it.
 
“Come on, Jay. You’ve gotta talk to me, come on honey, wake up, please, you’ve
got to wake up,” Sandy yelled at him. She tried to remain calm but the panic in
her heart was getting too much.
 
“Sandy?” Jared’s voice was weak, but it was there.
 
“Yeah, it’s me; I’m here Jay, what happened?” Sandy asked, wanting to get as
much information as possible right away in case he passed out again.
 
“Chad,” was all Jared said. He groaned and tried to push himself up, Sandy
immediately moved to help him, trying to support as much of his weight as she
could.
 
“Are you sure you’re okay to move?” she asked worriedly and Jared winced and
hissed with every step.
 
Jared didn’t speak, he just nodded. He pointed to the bathroom and Sandy helped
him in there. She sat him down on the toilet and began to pull his clothes off.
She started with his jeans, finding bruises over his knees but other than that
they seemed okay.
 
Next she peeled off his top, it was sticky with blood and Jared moved stiffly
trying to get his arms up. She could tell he was holding back, biting his split
lip against the pain. Eventually they got it off and Sandy winced at the
bruises covering his abdomen.
 
“Jesus Jay, they really did a number on you didn’t they?” Sandy hissed, Jared
pointed to the shower stall. “You wanna take a shower?” she asked and Jared
nodded.
 
“Are you sure, what about going to the police? They’ll need the evidence.”
 
“No,” Jared croaked. “No police, no hospital.”
 
“But—”
 
“No!”
 
Sandy sighed. “Okay, Jay. What ever you want.”
 
Carefully she took his boxers off and gasped when she saw the bruises all
around his groin area.
 
“Why, Jay,” Sandy whispered, tears falling from her eyes. “Why did they do
this?”
 
“Gay,” Jared mumbled.
 
“This was a gay bashing?” she gasped in horror. Jared simply nodded and tried
to stand. “Oh, Jay. I’m so sorry. I should’ve left with you.”
 
“NO,” Jared said firmly, grabbing her arm. “You’re safe. Not you’re fault.”
 
Sandy looked at him, her eyes soft and watery. Finally she nodded and went to
turn on the water. As it warmed up she stripped herself until she was naked.
Then she helped him into the stall and closed the door behind them.
 
 
After washing Jared down, he looked marginally better without all the blood
splattered all over him but he was still badly bruised. Sandy put her underwear
back on and grabbed a t-shirt from Jared’s drawers.
 
She helped him into a pair of boxers but he shook off any attempts to put
anything else on him.
 
“I just wanna sleep,” Jared said, managing to speak more in one go.
 
“How’s the pain, do you want something for it?” Sandy asked as Jared crept
under the covers.
 
“Yeah, thanks, that’d be good.”
 
Sandy nodded and went into the kitchen to get some Tylenol. Jared took them
gratefully before laying back against the pillows.
 
Sandy climbed in beside him. “Did you want to talk about it?” she asked softly,
brushing his hair back with her tiny hand.
 
“It was just like in high school,” Jared muttered. “Except this was worse. I
thought they were going to kill me, Sand, I don’t know why they didn’t.”
 
Sandy watched the tears fall over Jared’s face and her heart broke for him. How
much shit can one person take? Hadn’t Jared been through enough in his life?
 
“I’m sorry, honey, I wish I could make everything better for you,” she
whispered.
 
“You do make everything better, Sand. You’re the best thing in my life, you
always have been,” Jared slipped an arm around her and pulled her close. She
tried to hold it back but eventually her tears became too much and she sobbed
against Jared’s chest.
 
“You and me against the world, huh Sand?” Jared asked.
 
“Forever,” Sandy agreed. “Go to sleep sweetheart, I’ll still be here when you
wake up.”
 
Jared nodded and rolled onto his side. Sandy took up her usual position,
spooned against his back, holding him close against her, giving him all the
support she could in the one move.
 
***
 
Jensen was worried. After he’d finished arguing with Danneel and finally
managed to get her to leave—even though she wouldn’t accept that he was
breaking up with her and had said she’d meet him at home—he’d noticed that
Jared had gone.
 
A little while later Sandy had also disappeared; even Chris didn’t know where
she’d gone. Neither of them were answering their cells and Jensen hated to
think what it looked like to Jared when Danneel had kissed him.
 
He raced up Jared’s stairs, hoping he could explain what happened, that it
wasn’t too late and cursing that he hadn’t been able to get away from work
sooner.
 
Eventually he was knocking on Jared’s door, but there was no answer. That
wasn’t a surprise, if Jared was mad at him he wouldn’t answer the door to him,
would he?
 
Jensen looked in the broken light fixture and sighed with relief when he saw
the spare key there. Taking it, he quietly let himself into the apartment.
 
Jared wasn’t in the living room or the kitchen. He made his way to the bedroom
and pushed open the door. What he saw was the last thing he’d been expecting.
 
Jared, in nothing but his boxers, the covers barely covering him, and Sandy,
draped over his back, her legs bare, one of Jared’s t-shirts covering her tiny
body.
 
“What the Hell,” Jensen gasped, trying to understand what could possibly be
going on.
 
In the bed Sandy stirred and rolled over to look at him.
 
“Jen,” she whispered. “What are you doing here?”
 
“I could ask you the same thing, Sandy,” Jensen said, he didn’t whisper, didn’t
try to keep his voice down at all.
 
“Shhh,” Sandy hissed at him and climbed out of the bed. She started ushering
him out of the room, forcing him back into the living room.
 
“What the Hell’s going on, Sandy? Has this all been some kind of sick joke?”
Jensen’s voice was rising even more.
 
“Will you keep your voice down, you’re gonna wake him,” Sandy scowled at him.
 
“Yeah, that sounds like a damn good idea, let’s wake him. Then he can explain
why he’s in bed with his best friend,” Jensen stated, getting more and more
wound up. “Are you two fucking?”
 
“What? No,” Sandy actually looked offended. “Look, it’s not how it seems,
okay.”
 
“Oh really? Does Chris know you sleep with other men?” Jensen accused. Sandy
opened her mouth to retaliate but Jensen didn’t give her the chance. “So, has
he just been leading me on this whole time? Seeing how much he can reel me in,
is this something you two do?”
 
“Okay, get out, right now,” Sandy said sternly, her face was fuming as she
pointed to the door.
 
“Oh, I don’t think so, I’m gonna go in there and see what he has to say for
himself,” Jensen stated and started trying to push past Sandy. In a surprising
show of strength Sandy shoved him away.
 
She started to say something but a sound from the bedroom silenced her.
 
It was Jared, he was talking, loudly. Suddenly he screamed.
 
“Fuck,” Sandy cursed and raced back into the bedroom. Jensen stayed close on
her heels.
 
He was brought up short by what he saw. Jared was thrashing around in the bed;
his face and body were covered in deep dark bruises.
 
“Jay, Jay honey,” Sandy called to him. Jensen went to say something but Sandy
shushed him straight away. “Jay, wake up sweetie, it’s Sandy, come on, wake for
me.”
 
Sandy didn’t get close to him; she kept her distance and just called to him.
 
“Should we hold him down?” Jensen asked in horror.
 
“No, don’t touch him,” Sandy shouted and Jensen stopped his movement.
 
“Jay, it’s Sandy. You’re in Seattle honey, you’re safe, nothing can hurt you
here, remember. Come on sweetie, wake up for me?” Sandy begged, she was close
to tears.
 
Suddenly, Jared shot up in bed, a scream on his lips, his eyes wide and
terrified. Sandy was there a split second later.
 
“Sand?” Jared’s trembling voice called.
 
“I’m here, I’m right here, it’s okay, you’re safe,” Sandy reassured him.
 
Gradually Jared focused on her and when he did he fell into her arms and cried,
enormous sobs heaving his body in a way Jensen had never seen before.
 
“Sandy, what happened to his face?” Jensen asked quietly, not daring to move
any closer in case it set Jared off again.
 
Sandy looked to him, still shushing and rocking a weeping Jared. Jared hadn’t
seemed to even notice Jensen’s presence.
 
“It was someone called Chad, and God knows how many of his buddies. It was a
gay bashing, that’s all I could get out of him,” Sandy told him. “There wasn’t
a fucking hope in Hell I was leaving him like this,” she snarled at him and
Jensen realised his mistake. They weren’t sleeping together; Sandy was there to
comfort him.
 
Jensen remembered when Jared had that bad dream the first night he’d stayed
over. Jensen had held Jared just as he’d seen Sandy doing; it was obviously a
comfort to him.
 
Jensen moved towards them, finally understanding how deeply their bond went.
Sandy looked up at him sharply and held out her hand to stop him.
 
“Don’t you dare. He can’t take any of your jealously crap right now,” she
warned him.
 
Jensen held up his hands. “I come in peace, I swear,” he promised and slowly
Sandy lowered her hand.
 
Jensen moved to the other side of Jared and gently placed a hand on his
shoulder. He could feel Jared’s body shaking under his touch.
 
“Jay, Jay, it’s Jen. It’s Jensen, can you hear me?” he said softly.
 
“Jen?” Jared’s voice quivered.
 
“Yeah, it’s me,” Jensen confirmed and Jared reached out a hand for him. Jensen
took Jared’s hand and then Jared was in his arms.
 
“There were so many of them, they just kept coming, and then he was there, he
came, like he always does. It hurts Jen, it really hurts, why does it always
have to hurt?” Jared clung to him, his rambles teetering off slowly.
 
“How many were there? What did they look like?” Jensen started to questioned
but Sandy gently put a hand on his arm and shook her head.
 
“He’s not talking about today, Jensen,” she told him sadly.
 
“He’s in the past?” Jensen asked, starting to understand, the dream had been a
memory. Sandy nodded, a tear dropping over her cheek. “God, Jay. What happened
to you?”
 
“I’m not sure you want to know,” Sandy said quietly, more tears falling down
her face. Jensen extended an arm out to her and then all three of them where in
a tearful embrace.
 
***
 
Jared woke up to find himself trapped between two bodies, they were both asleep
and both had their arms over him protectively. He went to try and wriggle out
of their hold but pain erupted in his body and he winced, having forgotten for
a moment what had happened.
 
As soon as he’d moved, both Sandy and Jensen woke with a start and looked at
him through bleary and concerned eyes.
 
“Morning,” Jared said shyly, trying again to wriggle out of their embrace.
 
“Hey,” Sandy said softly and released him from her grasp. Jensen didn’t let go
so easily, barging in with questions.
 
“Are you okay? Do you need any pain killers? Is there—”
 
Jared held up his hand and Jensen stopped. “I just need to go to the bathroom,”
Jared smiled tightly, Jensen’s eyes widened and he pulled himself away from
Jared.
 
Jared groaned in pain as he stood but waved away the help offered, he was quite
capable of pissing by himself, thank you.
 
When he came back, he found Sandy changed into the clothes that she kept around
for occasions just like this, and how depressing is that that they’d planned
for this sort of thing? And Jensen was putting on the coffee.
 
“So, does Danneel know you’re here?” Jared asked before Jensen could say a
word. Jensen deflated slightly before he spoke.
 
“I broke up with her, or at least I tried to; I’m not sure she really believed
me, or if she even listened, but I meant it, and it’s over with her,” Jensen
said and looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’m not actually sure it ever
started, at least not on my end, I think—”
 
“You’re rambling sweetie,” Sandy smacked his ass as she passed him. She found
her cell and flicked it open. After pressing it to her ear for a moment, she
closed her eyes and listened to the person on the other end speak.
 
“Chris, I’m sorry, I know we were—” she stopped, obviously interrupted. “I know
it’s not the first time but there was a real—” she stopped again.
 
Jared felt awful, if Sandy could just tell him the truth everything would be
fine. Swallowing his pride he went over to her and placed a hand on her
shoulder. She looked up at him questioningly.
 
“You can tell him,” Jared told her and she smiled thankfully at him.
 
“Will you listen to me a second?” she said loudly into the phone. “Jared was
attacked last night, that’s why I had to leave… I dunno, some guy named Chad
and his buddies… what? You know him? ... Well fuck. No don’t come over,
Jensen’s here… Did she? Ha, yeah I’ll tell him… Yeah I will… Me too, bye.”
 
Everyone looked at Sandy expectantly. “Oh, Danneel turned up again and was
pissed you weren’t there, Jen,” she told him. “Apparently, she had to go to the
hospital because her friend ‘Chad’ had a broken nose,” she said smugly. “Looks
like you got in a good hit of your own, Jay,” she announced proudly.
 
“Wait, Chad? Shit, I knew that rang a bell last night,” Jensen said.
 
“Chad’s the guy you punched to defend my honour,” Sandy told Jared.
 
“I know,” Jared said. “Asshole’s taken quite a shine to you,” he told Sandy
before he went back into the bedroom to find himself some clothes, managing to
pull them on successfully through the pain. He was pleased that it didn’t
appear that anything was broken, just a lot of bruising.
 
When he went back into the other room, Jensen had made some omelettes and Sandy
was already digging into hers.
 
“Omelettes?” Jared grinned, wincing slightly at the pain that shot through his
face.
 
“Breakfast of champions,” Jensen grinned back.
 
After breakfast Jensen sat on the sofa with Jared looking nervous.
 
“What is it, Jen?” Jared asked finally. Jensen looked up at him guiltily.
 
“I want you to tell me what happened,” Jensen told him, an apology in his eyes.
 
“You already know, Chad and—”
 
“No, I’m not talking about that,” Jensen interrupted. “I mean, when you were in
high school, what happened? What is it you’re afraid to tell me?”
 
“No,” Jared said firmly. “If you know you’ll—you won’t want to be with me.”
 
Jared’s heart started racing. Why was Jensen asking these things of him?
 
“I will, there’s nothing that would make me not want to be with you, Jay,”
Jensen told him, taking his hand.
 
“Sand?” Jared said desperately. Sandy was there in a second; Jared ripped his
hand away from Jensen and buried himself in Sandy’s shoulder.
 
“I think you should tell him, Jay,” Sandy whispered quietly. “I think you can
trust him.”
 
Jared looked at Sandy in alarm. “But, I’ve never—”
 
“I know, but, isn’t it about time you did?” Sandy said gently. “I’ll be right
here,” she promised.
 
Tentatively Jared looked back at Jensen. He knew he looked terrified; he must
look a mess, with his face all bashed up, and now tears mixing in with the
bruises.
 
“What did you want to know?” Jared asked cautiously, letting Jensen set the
basis for what he told.
 
“Um, okay, what were you dreaming about last night when I got here? The thing
that woke you up like that,” Jensen asked quietly, like he didn’t want to spook
Jared.
 
Jared took one last look at Sandy, who just nodded supportively, and he took a
deep breath.
 
“I was bullied when I was in school,” Jared said easily, this was the easy
part. “I’d get picked on ‘cause I was so tall and skinny, I had so many growth
spurts the rest of my body hadn’t had time to catch up.”
 
Jensen nodded and put his hand on the sofa between them; an offer in case Jared
needed or wanted it.
 
“There was this one guy, Michael, he protected me from the bullies, he kept
them away from me—when I was good,” Jared frowned, remembering things as he
spoke. He looked to Sandy who smiled sadly and nodded at him.
 
“At first he was just my friend, I could always go to him when I got attacked
but I made him promise not to tell the Principle or anyone else. I could trust
him because he kept my secret. One day he kissed me, I wasn’t sure but he said
it was okay. So I kissed him back. He would tell me how special I was; he would
look at me and tell me I was beautiful,” Jared stopped talking, his memories
flooding his brain, he whimpered and clung to Sandy but he carried on talking,
now he’d opened that door he didn’t seem to be able to close it again.
 
“I may have only been fifteen, but I fell in love with him. He started teaching
me, how to be—a man, and how to—please a man. But soon he started asking for
things I didn’t want to give, but I tried to please him, I tried to give him
what he wanted. Soon it got too much and I started avoiding him, making excuses
why I couldn’t meet him and not turning up when I said I would—and then the
bullies came back. I didn’t know what else to do so I went running to him; I
went straight into his classroom and begged for him to help me.”
 
“Wait, you went into his classroom? He was your teacher?” Jensen looked at him
disbelief and Jared shrank away, turning further into Sandy.
 
“I’m sorry, I can’t, I just can’t,” he couldn’t stand the look of horror in
Jensen face; this was bound to push him away.
 
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, I just thought you
were talking about another kid, that’s all, it’s okay,” Jensen tried to assure
him.
 
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” Jared decided. He risked a look at
Jensen, and was relieved to find that he was nodded and smiling supportively at
him.
 
“Thank you,” Jensen said, taking Jared’s hand. “Thank you for trusting me.”
 
“I can, can’t I?” Jared asked shakily. “I can’t trust you, right?”
 
“Yes, Jay. You can trust me, I promise,” Jensen swore. He lifted Jared’s hand
and kissed his knuckles softly.
 
“And you still—you still want to be, with me?” Jared asked, praying he’d get
the answer he hoped for.
 
“Yes, I still want to be with you,” Jensen chuckled slightly. “Jay, I don’t
think any less of you because of what you’ve told me. In fact, I happen to
think you’re even more amazing and wonderful and special that I first thought
you were. You’ve survived things most people never have to experience, and it’s
awful and horrific, but none of it is your fault. And through it all, you still
managed to come out the other end as someone so special, I’m honoured to be in
your life.”
 
Jared’s stomach flipped at Jensen’s words, his shining emerald eyes told him he
spoke the truth and Jared threw his arms around Jensen’s neck and hugged him
tight.
 
“Thank you,” Jared whispered, squeezing Jensen so tight he probably couldn’t
breathe, but Jensen just held him back and whispered soothing words in his ear.
***** Chapter 12 *****

Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse of an under-age
Jared.
===============================================================================
Part 12
 
Six_Years_Ago
 
God, the pain was so intense; it spread through his body, consuming him and
threatening to overcome everything he was, everything he knew. Jared didn’t
know when it was going to end. Another foot struck his stomach, quickly
followed by one to his back, and Jared found himself retching and gasping for
oxygen. All around him the laughter swirled in his ears, consuming any sound
that could be thought of as good, and replacing it with spite and loathing.
They called him a loser, a faggot; they pulled his too-long hair until he swore
his roots would bleed. The arms he circled around himself offered no protection
and when ever they did, they were forced away, stomped on, and he was told not
to do that again.
 
Why did they do this to him? What did he ever do to them?
 
Nothing! That’s what! He never did anything. He was just Jared, the too-skinny,
too-tall, loser. He was the geek who always knew all the answers, who the
teachers loved and doted over. And for that, he had to be punished! For that,
he got to be the punching bag, the play toy, the weekly amusement for the boys
and girls who weren’t as smart and were angry about it. After the pain and the
beatings, came the threats: tell anyone and next time it would be worse; no one
would believe a loser like him anyway; he was nothing but a piece of worthless
shit, and he should think himself lucky they even paid him this amount of
attention in the first place, but he had better keep his mouth shut or next
time they might forget to stop.
 
Jared coughed, spraying blood on the tiled floor of the bathroom as sneakered
feet left the room, each leaving behind one last kick to remember them by and
laughter that echoed in his ears. Slowly, Jared tried to wipe the spit from his
face, taking his tears with it.
 
On the other side of the door he heard a voice calling down the corridor, then
those sneakered feet squeaking as they ran, laughing, away from the authority
threatening to catch them. The door to the bathroom opened again, and Jared
tried to force himself to his feet, he really tried. But strength refused to
return to his abused limbs, and he was left embarrassed and broken on the
floor, surrounded by his blood and vomit, and why couldn’t he just die right
now?
 
A face appeared in front of Jared’s eyes, it was blurry, and he couldn’t quite
make it out. Slowly a voice joined the face, it was calling his name.
 
“Jared? Jared is that you?” the voice asked. “Jesus, what the hell happened
here?”
 
Strong arms pulled Jared up so he was sitting. Jared’s head swam and refused to
keep him upright; luckily the arms surrounded him, and he was gently leaned
back against a solid body, while hands cautiously brushed his long hair away
from his face.
 
“Who did this Jared? Tell me who did this!” the person demanded.
 
“Mr. Weatherly?” Jared asked, peering up at the kind face that looked down at
him. It was his English teacher, Mr. Michael Weatherly.
 
“Yes Jared, it’s me. Do you think you can move? We need to go see the
Principal. Tell him who did this,” Michael said gently, trying to get Jared to
stand.
 
“NO!” Jared blurted. “No please; don’t make me go there?” He grabbed Michael’s
arm and stared into his face, his eyes pleading.
 
“Jared, you can’t let them get away with this; you have to tell someone or
they’re just going to keep doing it,” Michael tried to change Jared’s mind, but
Jared shook his head.
 
“It’ll just make it worse, please, don’t tell anyone?” Jared begged, still
holding onto Michael’s arm, fisting his hand in the teacher’s shirt.
 
“I have to, Jared, I’m sorry but it’s my job,” Michael said sadly, his eyes
running over Jared’s face, taking in the tears, the blood and the bruises. “You
can’t just let them do this to you, and I know this isn’t the first time this
has happened. You have to tell someone, even if it’s just so you don’t have to
go through this alone.”
 
“Then I’ll come to you, just please; don’t make it worse than it already is?”
Jared asked hopefully. It wouldn’t be too bad going to Michael, seeing as he
already knew, just as long as no one tried to confront them.
 
Michael sighed; he wiped Jared’s tears from his face and looked at him, a
troubled expression on his face.
 
“Alright Jared,” he said dejectedly. Jared threw himself at Michael, hugging
him desperately and mumbling “thank you"’s over and over, relief washing over
him. “But if it gets worse, I can’t promise I won’t take any action, you have
to swear to me that you’ll tell me every time something happens, alright?”
Michael said sternly, pulling Jared away from him and staring straight into his
eyes.
 
Jared hesitated; it wasn’t like he enjoyed being beaten up all the time, he was
just terrified that they’d follow through on their threats. Slowly, Jared
nodded; he would do as Michael asked.
 
“Good boy, now, let’s get you cleaned up, and I’ll give you a ride home, okay?”
 
***
 
It was the third time this week that Jared had staggered through Michael’s
classroom door. Blood dripped from his nose, and he knew he’d have some
impressive bruises on his chest overlapping the old ones.
 
Michael looked up from his desk where he’d been grading papers; his face fell
as soon as he saw Jared. He pushed his chair away from his desk and was by
Jared’s side in an instant.
 
Jared fell into him, letting the teacher take his weight and lead him over to a
chair. As soon as Jared was settled, Michael made sure the door was shut before
kneeling in front of Jared and taking his face in his hands, clearing away the
blood from his nose with his handkerchief.
 
School had been over for nearly an hour, and there weren’t many people around,
but he knew Jared didn’t like people to see him being comforted by the teacher.
 
“Jesus, Jared, not again,” Michael hissed as he examined Jared’s face, his
fingers lightly tracing every new mark. It had been three months since Jared
had promised to come to him when he needed help. Sometimes Jared needed his
help a lot, but there were times he could get away with not needing Michael’s
comfort for almost a week.
 
“I’m sorry,” Jared croaked through his sobs. “I tried to avoid them like you
said, but they still found me.”
 
Jared couldn’t look at his teacher; he clearly felt like a failure. Michael had
tried to come up with ways for Jared to stay away from his bullies, but it just
didn’t seem to be working.
 
“It’s not your fault, Jared,” Michael told him. He pulled the fifteen year old
into his arms and let him cry against his shoulder. “I just can’t stand seeing
you like this. I wish you’d let me do something. I could stop them.”
 
Jared pulled his head back and looked at the man in alarm. “No, you promised
you wouldn’t, you said,” Jared said sharply, his eyes wide and nervous.
 
“I know what I said, but this can’t go on, Jared, it’s killing me not to do
something,” Michael said gently as he brushed Jared’s long hair away from his
face. “You’ve got such a nice face; it shouldn’t be covered in bruises.”
 
“Why are you so nice to me?” Jared asked. He looked at the teacher, staring
into his kind blue eyes.
 
“Because I care about you,” Michael told him seriously, his thumb brushing
against Jared’s cheek. “Very much.”
 
“I don’t understand. How can you like someone like me?” Jared questioned, more
tears falling from his eyes.
 
“You listen to me, Jared. You are a very special young man, and I don’t want
anyone to make you think any differently,” Michael said firmly. “You’re smart,
smarter than most of the kids at this school. You’re kind; you have a good
heart. And you’re beautiful, God, Jared, you’re just so beautiful, I just—”
 
Jared stared at Michael, his heart pounding loudly in his chest. Michael’s eyes
swept over him, he was so sincere. His hand was gentle as it slipped back to
lie against Jared’s neck.
 
“Jared, I—” he murmured, licking his lips. “C’mere.”
 
Michael tugged on Jared’s neck, pulling him closer until their noses were
touching.
 
“Mr. Weatherly?” Jared whispered nervously, his hands trembled in his lap.
 
“Michael, call me Michael,” Michael breathed against Jared’s lips just before
he brushed his over them just briefly.
 
Jared’s breath caught, he went to pull back but the hand on his neck was firm
and kept him still.
 
“Michael?” Jared ventured. “What—”
 
“It’s okay. I just want you to know how special you are,” Michael told him
quietly, looking him directly in the eye. “You deserve something good in your
life, Jared. Let me give that to you?”
 
Michael didn’t wait for a reply; he just pressed his lips to Jared’s and kissed
him. It was slow and gentle and it sent a thrill through Jared he hadn’t
expected. A slight whimper escaped Jared’s mouth and Michael took it as
encouragement and deepened the kiss.
 
Michael’s other hand slid up Jared’s leg to rest lightly on his hip while the
hand on Jared’s neck pulled him more firmly against Michael’s mouth.
 
Jared jumped when he felt a warm, wet tongue on his lips. He’d never kissed
anybody before and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. Tentatively, he
opened his mouth to the probing tongue and was surprised when it immediately
slipped its way inside.
 
It was wet and kind of slimy, Jared wasn’t sure he liked it, but Michael
appeared to think it was good so Jared figured it just took some getting used
to.
 
Jared’s body was completely still aside from the heaving of his chest. His
hands still rested in his lap, his fists clenched as tightly as his eyes were
squeezed shut.
 
Gradually, Michael slowed the kiss; his tongue was removed until he was just
placing kitten kisses on Jared’s lips. Jared was grateful, he gulped down the
air now his mouth was free but couldn’t bring himself to meet eyes with
Michael, and he could feel his cheeks burning and knew he was blushing madly.
 
“Wow,” Michael breathed, not moving his face away from Jared’s. “You taste as
good as you look.”
 
Jared blushed fiercer. “I’ve never—” Jared tried to tell him that he’d never
done anything like that before, he had no experience with kissing or anything
like that, with a girl let alone another guy.
 
“Shh, it’s okay,” Michael shushed him and kissed him lightly on the lips again.
“You’re amazing, Jared, you’re perfect.”
 
“I don’t feel very perfect,” Jared mumbled, his high dropping through the
floor.
 
“Hey, listen to me,” Michael took Jared under the chin and gently but firmly
guided him so they met eyes. “I’m telling you the truth, Jared. Why would I
have kissed you if I didn’t mean it?”
 
“I don’t know,” Jared confessed shyly. “I don’t know how to kiss. I don’t know
anything.”
 
Michael smiled. His eyes were soft and he leaned forward and kissed Jared
again. Jared’s eyes fluttered closed. He opened his mouth instinctively and let
Michael in, allowed him to sweep his tongue around his mouth. He copied what
Michael did, brushing his own tongue along side and moving his mouth in just
the same way.
 
As soon as Jared started contributing, Michael moaned and used the hand on
Jared’s hip to pull him forward. Jared slipped off the chair and had no place
to go but to straddle Michael’s legs as he sat back on his heels.
 
Jared’s arms came up to steady himself, they landed on Michael’s shoulders and
as Michael continued the deep kiss Jared found himself slipping his hands
around to hold Michael, to allow himself to get closer to him until their
bodies were touching.
 
Michael bucked up into him and Jared tore his mouth away, unsure how to react.
As he panted Michael held him firmly so he couldn’t get up.
 
“That seemed pretty okay to me, you’re a fast learner,” Michael said, nuzzling
against Jared’s cheek. “Don’t worry, Jared, I’ll teach you, everything you need
to know and more, so much more.”
 
“You will?” Jared asked. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve this kind of
attention, this praise.
 
“Of course I will, I’m a teacher aren’t I?” Michael smirked slightly. When
Jared’s face fell at the thought of this only happening so Michael could teach
his pupil and not because Jared was special in some way, Michael quickly spoke
again. “But I don’t think I could stay away from you now even if I tried.
You’re so amazing, Jared. So beautiful, I don’t think I could ever get enough
of you.”
 
Jared blushed and looked down at where their bodies were flush against each
other. Jared bit his lip and carefully squirmed until he could get off
Michael’s lap.
 
“I should get home,” Jared said shyly, an embarrassed smile lifting his lips.
 
“Do you need a ride?” Michael asked, standing with Jared before slipping his
arm around Jared’s waist and pulling him closer.
 
Michael was taller than Jared, but only just. Jared was tall and skinny and he
still had some growing to do yet.
 
“I can walk,” Jared said shyly, even though he really didn’t want to walk.
 
“I’ll drive you, just in case those assholes are still around,” Michael said
protectively. “They’re never getting their hands on you again, do you hear me?
Not know I’ve got you, no ones ever hurting you again. I won’t allow it.”
 
Jared’s heart clenched. He buried his head in Michael’s shoulder and held on
tightly to him. Here was a man who wanted to protect him, not because it was
his job, not because he was obligated too, but because he cared, he really
wanted to make sure Jared was okay. Jared clung to that, too scared to let it
go in case he never found it again.
 
***
 
As soon as Jared entered Michael’s office, the door was shut and locked behind
him, then he found himself pressed up against it and Michael’s mouth was on
his.
 
Everyday Michael would tell him to meet him somewhere, in his office, the
supply cupboard, or in one of the unused buildings in the old part of the
school. Whenever Jared arrived Michael would pounce on him, kissing him
hungrily like he was starved for it. Not that Jared minded all that much, he’d
been getting used to kissing Michael. He preferred it when Michael was soft and
gentle, but sometimes the kisses would become hard, aggressive even, like
Michael was trying to climb inside Jared and consume him from the inside out.
 
“I’ve missed you so much,” Michael spoke against Jared’s lips before shoving
his tongue back in his mouth. Michael pressed his body against Jared’s, pinning
him against the door while his hands roamed over his body. “Have you missed me,
Jared? Tell me you’ve missed me as much as I’ve missed you?”
 
“I have missed you,” Jared said breathlessly, gasping for air as Michael moved
his attention to Jared’s neck. As usual in these situations, Jared could only
hold on tight, his hands gripping on to Michael while his mind tried to catch
up with what was going on.
 
This time however, Michael seemed even more desperate to get closer to Jared,
his teeth nipped at his skin and whereas Michael’s hands would normally rest on
Jared’s waist, his thumbs rubbing against his hips, today they didn’t stop
moving, running down his sides, over his chest and through his hair.
 
“I can’t get enough of you, Jared. You have no idea the things you do to me.
You’re driving me crazy,” Michael told him, his voice a harsh whisper.
 
Suddenly, Jared could feel Michael’s hands slipping under his shirt and running
over his skin. Jared gasped, his body flinching away from the touch.
 
“Shh,” Michael calmed him, letting his hands move up Jared’s chest, pulling his
shirt with them.
 
“Uh, Michael,” Jared’s voice tremored.
 
“God, Jared. You feel so good,” Michael told him, moving his kisses back to his
lips and swallowing any of Jared’s comments or protests. “Do you know how much
you mean to me? You don’t do you? You have no idea how special you are.”
 
Jared’s heart did a flip; it always did when Michael complimented him like
that. He closed his eyes and allowed Michael to lift his shirt over his head.
Jared immediately brought his arms over his body to hide his naked torso but
Michael caught him by the wrists and moved them away.
 
“You don’t have to hide, baby,” Michael told him softly. He tipped Jared’s head
up so he could look in his eyes. Jared slowly let his gaze meet Michael’s and
bit his lip nervously. He really wanted to put his arms back over his body, he
felt exposed and vulnerable. “You’re beautiful. You should never hide from me,
okay?” Jared nodded and Michael smiled. “Good boy.”
 
Michael kissed him gently and Jared forced his now free hands to hold onto
Michael and not to cover himself. Jared closed his eyes and concentrated on the
kiss, on what he knew. Yet he couldn’t prevent the shiver his body shook with
when Michael touched his stomach with a large, warm hand, he tried not to jerk
away which was helped by the solid door, cold and hard against his bare back.
 
“That’s it, baby. Mmm, I love how you taste, I just want to taste every part of
you,” Michael whispered in his ear before moving to kiss over his neck and
across his shoulder. Michael’s hand moved up until he had Jared’s nipple
between his finger and thumb, he squeezed suddenly, and Jared yelped.
 
Michael clamped a hand over Jared’s mouth.
 
“Shh, baby,” he hissed. “You don’t want the whole world to know what we’re
doing do you?”
 
Jared shook his head against Michael’s hand. Michael had explained to him that
people wouldn’t understand what they had together and that they had to hide it.
Jared was forbidden to tell anyone about what he and Michael did together. To
the outside world they were merely student and teacher, nothing more, nothing
less.
 
Jared hadn’t told Michael that he had spoken to his best friend Sandy about
them, that he had been so excited and happy, and Sandy had noticed the change
and asked him about it. Jared just hadn’t been able to keep it in anymore and
had blurted the whole thing out to her.
 
Sandy had not approved, but she had promised not to tell anyone. In a way she
was glad Jared was happy, and whatever Michael had done had kept the bullies
off Jared’s back. Since their first kiss Jared hadn’t had any problems from
them, not once and Sandy was so happy to see Jared without new bruises every
week. Even Jared’s parents had commented that they were happy he was staying
out of trouble.
 
Michael smiled. He took his hand away from Jared’s mouth and took a step back,
his eyes raking over Jared’s body.
 
A deep blush spread over Jared causing Michael to smile wider as he continued
to back away. Finally he stopped, perched on the end of his desk and leered at
Jared’s shyness.
 
“C’mere, baby,” he said and held out his arms.
 
Jared’s hands shook as he reached them out to take Michael’s. He swallowed
thickly and licked at his dry lips. Michael had never asked for anything more
than kisses and now that he wanted more Jared wasn’t sure he wanted to give it,
but how does he say that to a man who has been nothing but amazing to him?
 
So, Jared took Michael’s hands and allowed himself to be pulled against the
man’s body. Michael wrapped his arms around Jared, effectively trapping him
within his embrace. Jared placed his hands on Michael’s arms and shyly met his
eyes.
 
“You seem nervous,” Michael pointed out, his eyes sweeping over him. “What’s
the matter, Jared?”
 
“N-nothing,” Jared insisted, shaking his head quickly. “It’s just—it’s new, you
know?”
 
Michael leaned down and placed a soft kiss against Jared’s chest. “But it’s
nice, isn’t it?” he questioned quietly, smiling against Jared’s skin as Jared
gasped.
 
“Uh—” Jared tried to speak but Michael suddenly licked around one of his
nipples before sucking it into his mouth. A jolt of pleasure shot through
Jared’s body and his legs went weak; luckily Michael was prepared and simply
turned them around so Jared was the one against the desk, his legs no longer
needing to take his weight.
 
“You like it, don’t you, baby?” Michael asked gently, blowing chilling breath
over the wet skin. Jared shivered and dug his fingers into Michael’s arms,
blunt nails pressing through the thin material of his shirt. “I’ll take that as
a yes.”
 
Michael continued to lavish attention to Jared’s chest, nipping and licking,
kissing over every spot of flesh available to him.
 
Jared was hard in his jeans, he was panting harshly against the sensations his
body was enduring. He barely noticed as Michael nudged his legs apart and stood
between them, not until he pushed against Jared’s groin, rubbing his own hard
length against Jared’s.
 
“Fu-” Jared started to shout but Michael was quick to swallow the sound with
his mouth, kissing Jared deeply as he pushed against him again.
 
Jared’s body started to shake. Part of him wanted to push up onto the pressure,
to get more from it, needing more from it. But a bigger part of him was
freaking out. He wasn’t ready for this, it was all moving to fast and his body
was set to explode on him. Jared was loosing control and he didn’t like the
feeling.
 
Forcefully, he pulled his mouth away from Michael’s, gulping down as much air
as he could before he tried to speak. Michael just moved on to suck into his
neck, firmly but not hard enough to leave a mark.
 
“Jared, uh, Jared, you’re so good. You feel amazing,” Michael spoke first,
rubbing harder against his body. “Tell me it’s good for you, baby. I need to
know it’s good for you too. I need to know you feel like I do.”
 
Jared opened his mouth but all that came out was a squeak. How could he say
that he didn’t like it, that it was too much and he wanted it to stop? How
could he take this away from Michael after everything he’d done for him? Simple
answer? He couldn’t.
 
“Is it good, baby?” Michael panted against Jared’s neck.
 
“Yes,” Jared hissed and shut his eyes tight. He felt himself being pushed back,
he held on so he didn’t fall, until he felt the hard desk on his back. Pens and
pencils and God knows what else dug into his spine, stabbing into him as
Michael forced him down, a solid weight pressing above him.
 
“That’s good, baby. Uh, that’s so good,” Michael moaned into his mouth before
kissing him roughly, all the while never ceasing his thrusting against Jared’s
painful cock. “My good boy. Uh, Jared, my good baby boy.”
 
Michael’s movements became more and more erratic, the friction against Jared’s
cock becoming more intense. Jared could feel warmth seeping into his gut, a
curling fire moving down into his groin.
 
“Look at me, Jared. Let me see you,” Michael groaned, biting into his chest
again, sucking Jared’s nipple into his mouth so hard it hurt and Jared had to
bite his cheek to keep from crying out. “Come on, baby boy, open your eyes.”
 
Jared forced his eyes open. He saw Michael above him, writhing and sweating.
His face flushed with exertion and his mouth hanging partly open. Jared found
Michael’s eyes, gone was the startling blue he liked so much, instead they were
wide and black. Jared sucked in his breath in shock, he’d never seen Michael
like that before and it scared him. This wasn’t the man he knew and craved to
be with, it was like something had taken over his teacher and replaced him with
this lustful animal.
 
Jared’s body started to tingle all over, his head swam and he blinked rapidly,
trying to bring himself back down. He didn’t like this feeling, he wished he
could tell Michael to stop, to slow down but he already knew it was too late
for that.
 
He felt water leaking from his eyes and vaguely wondered if he was crying. At
the realisation, his body began to heave with sobs as his mind ran away from
him and he lost control.
 
“Let it go, baby. Come on, let it go for me,” Michael told him, not talking
about his tears, thrusting harder and faster, his hands gripping onto Jared’s
shoulders for a better hold.
 
Jared’s head tipped back, his eyes rolling in his head but Michael stuck a hand
in Jared’s hair and pulled his head back down.
 
“I want to see you when you come,” he told Jared firmly and Jared had no choice
but to fix his eyes on those dripping black ones.
 
Jared’s mouth opened but just as he started to scream his release Michael
clamped his hand over it, stifling his cries as he came in his pants. The warm
wet release spread over his groin, soaking into the material.
 
Above him Michael gritted his teeth and grunted harshly, his black eyes boring
into Jared’s. All movement stopped. Just for a moment. Then Michael slowly
rocked against Jared, a smile spreading over his lips.
 
Michael dropped his head to Jared’s shoulder, his hand falling from his mouth
and finally Jared let his eyes fall closed. His shaking body was stiff under
Michael, his hands still holding on for dear life on Michael’s arms and his
back in agony from the abusive contents of Michael’s desk.
 
Jared felt dirty, his wet jeans testament to what had happened. Jared gritted
his teeth when Michael began to dust tiny kisses into his neck, they didn’t
feel nice anymore, they felt wrong, sickly.
 
“Wow, Jared. That was something—I don’t even know how to describe it,” Michael
whispered softly, not lifting his head. “I’ve never felt that intense before,
you just make me so crazy. I feel like I need to be touching you all the time
or I’m going to go insane.”
 
Finally Michael did raise his head, his eyes meeting Jared’s. They were still
dark, but slowly the blue was beginning to return to them and he was starting
to look like the Michael Jared knew and liked.
 
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Michael asked urgently. His hand came up and wiped away
the tears that still fell from Jared’s eyes. Jared looked at him, confused by
the concerned question. Michael looked so worried, searching Jared’s eyes and
face, brushing his sweaty hair back. Jared didn’t know what to say, he didn’t
want to hurt Michael, so he just shook his head, wincing when Michael looked at
him disbelievingly.
 
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Michael quickly pulled himself off Jared, gently
helping him up before taking him in his arms. His touch was so tender, so
loving and Jared leaned into it.
 
“The desk was slightly uncomfortable,” Jared quipped weakly, feeling a pencil
un-stick itself from his skin and fall to the desk.
 
“Oh God, baby, I’m so sorry,” Michael said in alarm, his eyes wide with fear
and guilt and Jared’s heart broke, he never wanted to see Michael like that,
not knowing he caused that look in his eye.
 
“It’s okay,” Jared said quickly and placed his hand on Michael’s face, letting
through a little reassuring smile.
 
“I’d never hurt you, you know that, don’t you?” Michael said seriously, looking
directly into Jared’s eyes, enforcing his words. “I care about you too much.”
 
“I know, it’s okay, really,” Jared nodded.
 
“But you liked it, didn’t you? I mean, it sounded like you liked it.” Michael’s
eyes bore pleadingly into Jared’s. “Please tell me you enjoyed that, I didn’t
push you to fast, did I? I couldn’t bare it if I did something you weren’t
ready for.”
 
Jared’s heart pounded in his chest, here was his chance to slow things down, to
tell Michael how it had felt. But the fear in Michael’s eyes stopped him. He’d
said he couldn’t bare it, it would hurt him to know how Jared really felt, and
Jared couldn’t do that to him.
 
“No,” Jared spoke quietly and Michael’s breath hitched. “No, you didn’t push
too fast,” Jared reiterated quickly, trying to make himself sound truthful.
 
“So, you liked it?” Michael asked, his face lighting up into that wonderful
smile Jared loved to see. Jared found himself smiling too.
 
“Yes, Michael, I liked it,” Jared lied. “I more than liked it.”
 
“Oh thank God,” Michael breathed in relief. “Oh Jared, you have no idea how
happy that makes me to hear. I wanted to share that with you so much, but I’d
been too afraid to before, I hadn’t been sure you were ready. But the way you
look—you’re so beautiful, Jared. I just couldn’t hold back any longer. I’m so
pleased it was good, I’m so glad you liked it. I can’t wait to show you more,
God, Jared; I’ve got so many things I want to show you, to teach you. And we’ll
do it together, right?”
 
Jared stared at Michael. More? He wants to do more? But the eager, excited look
in Michael’s eyes swayed Jared’s decision once again.
 
“Yeah,” Jared smiled. “We’ll do it together.”
 
“You want me to show you, right?” Michael nodded as if answering for Jared.
 
“Of course I want you to show me, I want you to show me everything,” Jared
heard himself saying and he knew it was only because it was what Michael wanted
to hear. He didn’t want to stop being with Michael, he was too attached to the
older man to let him go, to give him up. But he did wish they could slow down,
could go back to how things were.
 
Jared felt like he’d just climbed on a rocket train and there were no stops
till the end of the track.
***** Chapter 13 *****

Author's notes: This chapter contains a small scene of attempted rape.
===============================================================================
Part 13
 
It had taken over a week for Jared to feel confident about going outside again,
his bruises were healing really well and he wasn’t in much pain anymore.
 
Jensen finally got through to Danneel that he didn’t want to be with her
anymore—mainly because he packed up her stuff, left it outside his door and
changed the locks while she was out, but the message got through.
 
Chad had been barred from the Lithe and everyone kept telling Jared to stop
being silly when he felt a little guilty about breaking the guys nose, but the
guilt didn’t last long when he remembered what Chad had done and the things
he’d said.
 
Jared still refused to go to the police. He firmly believed that when you
turned tell-tail things got worse for you. Sandy always looked sad when he said
those things and Jensen figured it had something to do with when he was a kid.
 
He still had a hard time thinking about all the things Jared had told him. How
a teacher, trusted to protect your children could take advantage of a kid like
that, could manipulate him into sexual favours under the guise of love. Poor
Jared hadn’t stood a chance.
 
But as he watched him dancing with Sandy, dressed in black jeans and a fitting
black shirt, looking gorgeous, laughing and smiling, just like he used to,
Jensen felt his heart swell. Jared truly was an amazing person, and Jensen was
the one who got to be with him, who got to hold him, and kiss him. He’d stayed
with him as often as he could, trying to prove that he’d meant what he’d said
and that he was willing to stick with Jared, despite everything.
 
He’d woken Jared when he’d had his nightmares, sometimes Jared had told him
what they were about, but mostly he didn’t want to talk about it, he cried
himself back to sleep in Jensen’s arms. Sandy joked that she felt obsolete but
they could tell she was grateful for the break, and Chris certainly appreciated
getting more time with her.
 
Jared had understood about Danneel, Sandy had backed up Jensen’s story that he
hadn’t kissed her back and that they had argued and Jensen had broken up with
her, the relief Jensen had felt when Jared had smiled grimly and called her a
bitch left him so relaxed, like a huge weight had been taken off his shoulders.
 
Jared waved at him across the dance floor. Jensen waved back and grinned
widely. Things were good and he hoped they would keep getting better.
 
***
 
Jared was exhausted. Sandy had kept him dancing all night, his feet were
killing him and he just wanted to go home and go to sleep. He sat at the bar
finishing off his beer. Sandy was talking to Chris over by the stage while he
and Steve were packing up their equipment.
 
Suddenly, arms enveloped him from behind, and a warm kiss was pressed into his
neck.
 
“Hey you,” Jensen whispered in his ear.
 
“Hey yourself,” Jared smiled; he linked his fingers with Jensen’s and held them
against him chest.
 
“You have fun tonight?” Jensen asked him, nuzzling against his throat.
 
“Yeah, I did.” Jared tipped his head to the side, urging Jensen to continue his
kissing.
 
“You were great behind the bar.” Jensen took up the offer and began to nip and
kiss over the exposed skin.
 
“I can’t believe you had me doing that,” Jared said, remembering him and Jensen
juggling the bottles between them and making a cocktail for Sandy, performing a
little routine they’d practiced.
 
“They loved it, didn’t you see their faces?” Jensen moved around to stand in
front of Jared and smiled down at him.
 
“It was pretty awesome,” Jared agreed, smiling at how it had felt to actually
perform in front of people.
 
“So, Tom starts work tomorrow on the bar?” Jensen questioned and Jared nodded.
 
“Yep, so I am officially on vacation for the next two weeks, at least.” Tom was
paying him for his time off while the bar was being done up ready for the big
change. “So, do you think I’m ready?”
 
“You’ll be the star of the show,” Jensen told him proudly. “Didn’t I tell you
I’ve never failed to teach anyone before?”
 
“Yeah, you did,” Jared grinned and gave Jensen a kiss.
 
“So, I was thinking. While you’ve got the time off—have you thought anymore
about calling your mom?” Jensen asked gently. He’d been trying to get Jared to
get in touch with his mom for a while. Jared had told him about how much he
missed her and he wished he knew how she felt about him being gay, if she even
knew. He wondered if she missed him as much as he missed her.
 
“Jen,” Jared whined. “I just don’t think I’m ready, okay. I will call her, one
day, just—stop pushing okay? Please?”
 
“Okay, yeah, okay. I’m sorry. I just—”
 
“Jen,” Jared warned, a fond smile on his face. Jensen just wanted to make
Jared’s life better and he appreciated it, he really did, but Jensen had to
learn when to back off.
 
“Shutting up now,” Jensen laughed and pretended to zip his mouth closed with
his fingers.
 
“Hey,” Sandy said as she appeared beside them. “I’ve gotta head off, I’ve got
class in the morning.”
 
“I’m pretty beat, I’ll walk you if you like?” Jared offered and laughed at
Jensen’s pout. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he told him, pressing a kiss to his
lips.
 
Just then Jensen’s cell rang. He was still smiling when he answered it but as
soon as he heard the voice on the other end his smile dropped.
 
“Danny?” Jensen frowned into the phone and Jared’s jaw clenched. Jensen
listened to Danneel talk for a while, his face set in concentration. “Yeah,
okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
 
Jensen flicked the phone closed and turned to face Jared. Jared felt anger
fuming up inside him at the fact that Danneel even tried to speak to Jensen
anymore.
 
“What did she want?” he asked tightly.
 
“She’s been locked out of her apartment,” Jensen explained. “She needs someone
to help her get in.”
 
“And so she called you?” Jared said incredulously. “And you’re just going to
ask high how she wants you to jump this time?”
 
“It’s not like that, Jay. I’m just going to help her out, nothing more to it,”
Jensen explained.
 
“With her there is always more to it,” Jared insisted.
 
“Jay, I’ll wait outside,” Sandy said softly, Jared nodded, glad Sandy was
leaving him to deal with this.
 
“I can’t just leave her locked out,” Jensen insisted. “What kind of asshole
would that make me?”
 
“The kind that’s learned not to trust her. What if she asks to stay at your
place? You’ll probably wake up with her in your bed trying it on with you,”
Jared said hotly, picturing it in his mind.
 
“I would never—”
 
“I know, but that’s not going to stop her from trying, is it?” Jared said. “I
thought you’d left her behind, but you’re still under her thumb, she’s still
controlling you, even now.”
 
“That’s not true,” Jensen said quietly, but Jared could tell he wasn’t so sure
anymore.
 
“You’re not with her anymore, Jen. You don’t have to answer to her beckon call
anymore.”
 
“I—” Jensen was silent. Jared’s heart hurt, what if he could really lose Jensen
to her all over again? He couldn’t handle that right now, things were going so
well.
 
“I’ve got to go,” Jared said finally. He turned on his heels and walked out of
the bar, nodding to Jeff as he went and waving goodbye to Chris and Steve.
 
He almost slammed the door closed behind him, but restrained his anger long
enough to not take it out on the poor door. He looked around for Sandy but he
couldn’t see her anywhere.
 
“Sand?” he called. He walked a little way down the street, hearing something
just around the corner from the bar. What he saw made his anger boil over.
 
“SANDY!” he shouted, barging forward. Chad had his hand over Sandy’s mouth,
stopping her from screaming while he ripped at her clothes, exposing her
breasts, and kissed her violently, biting her skin. Tears streamed down Sandy’s
face, her eye makeup running. Her skirt was lifted and her panties lay ripped
on the ground. Chad’s pants were undone and falling half down his legs. He was
rubbing his cock against Sandy’s hip, groaning against her as he pinned her to
the wall.
 
Jared wasted no time in ripping Chad off her, punching him in the face as hard
as he could. He could hear Sandy screaming now the pressure was released from
her mouth, he started to go to her, but this gave Chad enough time to pull up
his pants and launch himself at Jared in a flying tackle. Jared managed to stay
on his feet, throwing Chad off his back. There was only one of him this time,
and he wasn’t as tough without his buddies getting his back.
 
Jared grabbed Chad by his collar and punched him again. Somehow Chad managed to
get a purchase on the ground and he swung Jared around, slamming his back
against wall. All the breath went out of Jared’s lungs for a moment and Chad to
the opportunity to punch Jared in the gut, sending pain shooting through him.
Jared tried to get his breath back, to push Chad off him before he could hit
him again, memories of his beating flooding back into his mind.
 
***
 
Jensen felt like an asshole. Jared was right; Danneel did still have some power
over him. Well, he had to change that, to prove to Jared that he wasn’t going
to go running to her every time she called.
 
He flicked his phone open to call her back and tell her to get someone else to
help her when he heard Jared bellow outside. It was quickly followed by Sandy’s
screams. They shot through the bar like a knife and got every ones attention in
an instance.
 
In a flash, he, Jeff, Chris and Steve were racing outside. They followed
Sandy’s screams until they found her, her cloths torn, her breasts exposed,
black mascara and eye makeup spread over her face by her tears. Chris went to
her immediately, taking her in his arms and firing panicked questions at her;
Steve shrugged off his shirt and wrapped it around her half-naked form.
 
Jensen looked around for Jared, finding him just around the corner, pinned to
the wall by Chad. Jensen charged at Chad, but Jeff got there first, pulling
Chad away and throwing him to the ground expertly. No matter how much Chad
struggled; he couldn’t get out of Jeff’s vice-like grip.
 
Jensen turned his attention to Jared; he was looking dazed and still leaning
against the wall, trying to catch his breath.
 
“Fuck, Jay. Are you okay?” Jensen asked urgently.
 
“Sand? Sandy?” Jared asked desperately.
 
“I’m okay,” Sandy said, rushing to hug Jared tightly, Chris and Steve staying
close by. “You saved me, thank you.”
 
“Anytime,” Jared said holding her, his head resting on her shoulder tiredly.
 
Sandy pressed a kiss to Jared’s cheek and smiled at him before turning back to
Chris.
 
“Fuck, Sandy,” Chris blurted and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her to him.
 
“I’m fine, thanks to Jay,” Sandy insisted.
 
“You’re a real hero,” Jensen said, feeling sick when he saw Sandy’s torn
panties on the ground by Jared’s feet. “God knows what might’ve happened if you
hadn’t gotten there in time.”
 
“Yeah, I got to be the saviour for once,” Jared smiled weakly, just then he
legs gave way, and Jensen lunged forward to catch him.
 
“JAY?” Sandy screamed. Jensen looked up at her, and she ran over to them.
Jensen was about to tell her he had him, that everything was fine. Until he
noticed the blood covering Sandy’s chest, soaking into her bare skin and
Steve’s shirt.
 
He looked back to Jared in alarm, pulling away from him slightly, so he could
check him out.
 
Jared peeled his hand away from his stomach; it was caked in blood, barely
noticeable through his black shirt.
 
“What the fuck?” Jensen gasped in horror. He pulled Jared’s shirt away from his
body, lifting it up until he could see the blood, which was pulsing thickly
from a wound in Jared’s stomach. “How?”
 
“With this,” Jeff said grimly; Jensen looked to see him holding up a bloody
knife, even as he was still restraining a struggling Chad with one strong arm.
 
“Oh Jesus,” Steve whispered, pulling his cell from his pocket and dialling 911.
 
“Fuck,” Jared cursed as he slid the rest of the way to the ground, resting back
against the wall.
 
“It’s okay; you’re gonna be okay, Steve’s calling the ambulance right now,”
Jensen told him desperately.
 
“Jen,” Jared said weakly, taking Jensen’s hand. “I’m sorry I—went off on you. I
was just so scared of—losing—the best thing that’s—ever happened to me.”
 
“Shh, don’t worry,” Jensen shushed him, watching the blood drain from Jared’s
face and his eyes roll slightly in his head. “You were right, okay, you were
right. But I’m not going to let her push me around anymore; I promise. You’re
all that matters to me Jay; you’re everything.” Jared’s eyes lolled even more.
“Jay, stay with me, Jay. Come on baby, keep your eyes open for me, you’ve gotta
keep your eyes open.”
 
Jared’s eyes closed, his head falling back against the wall, and Jensen’s heart
almost stopped.
 
“No, no, no. Come on Jay, don’t do this to me,” Jensen cried. “You’ve gotta
wake up, Jay, you’ve gotta wake up. Where the fuck is that ambulance?”
 
Jensen’s face was drenched in tears, his hands soaked in blood. He suddenly
realised that nothing was stopping the bleeding. Oh how stupid am I? Quickly he
pulled off his shirt and stuffed it against he wound, holding it tightly,
trying to stem the flow of blood.
 
“Steve,” Jeff called. “Keep hold of this piece of fucking shit, would ya?”
 
Steve was there in a second, leaving Sandy to cry in Chris’s arms while he
tried to hold her up. Steve took over restraining Chad. Jensen glared at Chad,
taking in his dishevelled appearance.
 
“If he dies, I’m going to rip you to fucking shreds, I swear to God,” Jensen
growled, meaning every single word.
 
“I might just do that anyway,” Chris sneered at Chad. “You tried to rape my
girlfriend you sick fuck, I should have you fucking castrated.”
 
Chad’s eyes widened. “She’s your girlfriend? Well fuck, no one told me that. I
never move in on another man’s girl, man. If I’d known—” Chad’s head was shoved
into the ground and Steve spoke harshly in his ear.
 
“If you want to stay alive I suggest you stop speaking,” he warned and Chad
nodded, fear evident in his eyes.
 
Meanwhile Jeff was at Jared’s side, Jensen couldn’t remember anything that
happened, he just did as Jeff instructed, understanding him when he told him
he’d seen wounds like this in the Marines and to do as he said.
 
Then Jensen was sitting in the ambulance, watching the paramedics working on
Jared, but everything was a daze. All he could see was Jared’s pale features,
his closed eyes, and blood, blood everywhere.
 
Jared got wheeled away from him, taken deeper into the hospital, and Jensen
could only watch him go, terrified that was the last time he was ever going to
see him.
 
 
Tom arrived first, explaining that Sandy had called him, and he’d come right
away. Eventually everyone else got there, but Jensen didn’t have a clue how
much time had passed before they did. He told them he hadn’t heard anything
yet. They all sat in the waiting room, most of them covered in blood. Sandy
hugged Tom, crying into his shoulder as soon as she saw him.
 
The police turned up to take every ones’ statements. They took Sandy away to do
a rape kit, and to take a private statement from her. Jensen told them how Chad
and his friends had beaten Jared not that long ago, but that Jared had been too
scared to go to the police about it.
 
They waited; they waited for what seemed like eternity. Finally a doctor came
out and greeted them all with a smile, and seeing as Sandy was the one who had
medical proxy, he asked to speak to her, but Sandy said they should all hear
whatever the doctor had to say.
 
Jared was alive. He had lost a lot of blood, but the knife had missed all his
internal organs, the doctors had patched up the wound, and he should make a
full recovery.
 
Everyone relaxed; smiles were passed around with hugs and kisses. The doctor
explained that it was probably Jeff’s quick actions that had saved Jared’s
life. Jensen hugged Jeff hard and swore to give him a pay rise.
 
Then the doctor cleared his throat and looked at them apologetically.
 
“I’m very sorry to bring this up, but, it looks like the front desk still has
some questions for you, since no one filled out Mr. Padalecki’s admittance
paperwork when he came in. I believe they need some insurance information,
medical history, that sort of thing,” the doctor concluded.
 
Sandy looked panicked, “Jared’s insurance doesn’t cover much hospital-wise.
We’re going to have to pay a lot and—”
 
“I’ll take care of it,” Jensen said addressing Sandy and the doctor; he took
the doctors hand and shook it firmly. “You just give him everything he needs,
and I’ll take care of the rest.”
 
“Alright then,” the doctor replied as Sandy sighed with relief, and Jensen
guessed that the doctor hated having to remind patients’ families about mundane
details like paperwork and money, when they were so clearly distressed over
their loved ones’ well being. “Just see the nurse at the admitting desk, and
she’ll deal with your payment information and other paperwork.”
 
“Thank you. Can we see him now?” Jensen asked, and he felt Sandy come up beside
him nodding.
 
“Yes, but only a couple at a time; he’s still unconscious,” the doctor told
them before smiling and moving away.
 
Jeff said he had to leave, but expected a full update so Tom and Sandy went to
see Jared first, while Jensen went to sort out the paper work. Some of the
questions he figured he’d need to get Sandy to answer, but he did as much as he
could. Chris and Steve went next while Sandy helped Jensen, when they came
back, Jensen finally took his turn.
 
He walked into Jared’s room. Strangely, he felt scared about seeing Jared, but
he pushed it aside and sat by Jared’s bed.
 
Jared was as pale as a ghost, and Jensen chocked on how close he’d come to
actually becoming one. He took Jared’s hand gently, kissing the back of it.
 
“You really gave me a scare, you know?” he told Jared’s sleeping form. “I
really thought I was going to lose you.” A tear escaped Jensen’s eye, falling
onto the back of Jared’s hand. “I’m not letting you go, you know that right? I
can’t let you go. You came into my life and everything else paled in
comparison. You are the light in my life Jared; you’re everything to me.”
 
Jensen leaned up to kiss Jared gently on his lips, then he dipped his head so
he could whisper in Jared’s ear.
 
“I fell in love with you so fast it scared me. But I’m not scared anymore, Jay,
you’re what I want. You’re who I love” Jensen kissed Jared’s cheek briefly. “I
love you, Jay. And I want to spend the rest of my life proving it to you.”
 
***
 
When Jared opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Jensen, his head resting
on the bed, his hand firmly grasping Jared’s. Jensen’s eyes were closed, and he
snored softly. Jared smiled, lifting his other hand to brush against Jensen’s
hair.
 
Jensen sat up like a shot, blinking rapidly as he looked around. When his eyes
fell on Jared he grinned widely and kissed Jared’s hand.
 
“Hey,” Jared said, his voice hoarse.
 
“Hey, how you feeling?” Jensen smiled at him.
 
“A bit dopey actually. What happened?” Jared remembered the fight with Chad but
everything else was a bit of a blur.
 
“Chad stabbed you,” Jensen explained. Jared’s eyes went wide, he remembered
blood covering his hands, and he could see blood on Jensen’s clothes.
 
Jared frowned, looking at his surroundings. “I have to get out of here; I can’t
afford hospital bills.”
 
“You just stay right there; that’s all taken care of. You just concentrate on
getting better,” Jensen told him firmly.
 
“But, how?” Jared asked, confused.
 
“I’m taking care of it, so don’t worry,” Jensen said.
 
“No, I can’t expect you to pay for me,” Jared refused; he wouldn’t allow Jensen
to use his hard-earned money on him.
 
“Jay, I can afford it, okay? I’ve got enough money, so don’t worry. I want to,
okay?” Jensen reassured him.
 
“What do you mean you’ve got enough money? How?” Jared was getting more
confused.
 
Jensen chuckled. “Well, the Lithe isn’t the only club I own; it’s just the only
one I work in,” he informed Jared.
 
“Own? You own the Lithe?” Jared said in disbelief, how had he not known this?
 
“For starters. It’s not something I like to advertise; people start thinking of
you as less of a person when they know you’ve got money. Sandy was a bit
shocked too,” Jensen smiled.
 
Sandy! That’s when it all came flooding back, Chad had been attacking Sandy.
 
Jared tried to sit up quickly, but hissed loudly as pain shot through his
stomach.
 
“Hey, hey, hey, take it easy. You’ve got a hole in your gut,” Jensen said while
firmly holding him down.
 
“Sandy, is she okay?” Jared asked frantically; Jensen smiled at him.
 
“She’s fine,” Jensen reassured him. “Chris took her home to get some rest;
she’s coming back first thing in the morning.”
 
Jared relaxed. As long as Sandy was okay, nothing else mattered.
 
“She’s saved me so many times. I never should’ve let her go outside on her own,
I should’ve told her to wait,” Jared closed his eyes, seeing Chad against
Sandy’s small frame, rubbing himself against her as she cried against his hand
over her mouth. “He didn’t—tell me he didn’t—”
 
“You got there in time,” Jensen said soothingly. “He didn’t rape her. You saved
her, Jared, you stopped him.”
 
Jared deflated, relieved by Jensen’s words.
 
“I couldn’t bare it if something like that were to happen to her. She’s been my
strength for so long, she’s seen me through all my nightmares, even when I’ve
lashed out so bad I’ve hit her, she never once blamed me, she’s always loved
me, no matter what. It’s bad enough things like that happened to me, but she
doesn’t deserve it, she’s the best person in the world.” Jared knew he was
crying, he knew he was babbling, but he didn’t care. His emotions were on total
overload and he just needed to get things out.
 
“You didn’t deserve it either, Jay. None of it, and don’t you ever think that
you did. And you didn’t owe him anything, he took advantage of you, he abused
your trust in him and I wish he could pay for what he did to you,” Jensen said
firmly.
 
“I did leave him you know?” Jared said suddenly. “When I told my dad I was gay,
I was going to tell him what had happened; I was going to ask for his help. But
as soon as he found out I’d been with another guy he just flipped.”
 
“So, nobody’s ever known but Sandy?” Jensen clarified.
 
“No one. It’s just been me and her for so long. Me and Sandy against the world.
We didn’t even tell Tom even though he’d done so much to help me before Sandy
got here. Sandy left her entire life behind to come here to be with me, she
lied to every one she’s ever known to protect me. It took her a year, but she
travelled out here and eventually enrolled in college,” Jared continued to
speak, telling Jensen everything. He told him how the abuse started, how he’d
changed his mind but couldn’t stop it. He told him how he left, how Tom had
taken him in, he told him everything and he didn’t stop talking until he’d
fallen asleep, exhausted and making Jensen promise to get Sandy to come see him
as soon as she got there.
 
***
 
“Jen?”
 
“Yeah?”
 
“Jen, can you stop a second, please?”
 
Jensen stopped. He’d been trying to get Jared’s t-shirt over Jared’s head, even
though Jared had insisted that he could do it himself, Jensen hadn’t wanted him
to pull any stitches.
 
“I’ve been thinking,” Jared continued so Jensen sat on the edge of the bed and
listened. “I think I’d like to call my mom.”
 
Jensen stared at him, not believing he was hearing those words from Jared’s
mouth.
 
“Really? You’re sure? ‘Cause you were pretty adamant before that you weren’t
ready,” Jensen asked, wanting to know that Jared had actually thought about it.
 
“I know, and well, I guess getting stabbed and nearly dying kinda brings things
into perspective,” Jared explained. “I might’ve died, Jen, I might’ve died
never knowing if my mom still loved me. That’s something I need to know, I need
to speak to her, even if she tells me to fuck off and to never call her again,
at least I’d know.”
 
“I’m really proud of you, you know that?” Jensen smiled leaning over to kiss
Jared gently.
 
“Mmm, I should make you proud more often,” Jared hummed, so Jensen kissed him
again. When Jared’s hand came to the back of his head, holding him there, he
took the hint and deepened the kiss.
 
“God, I can’t wait to get you home,” Jensen mumbled against Jared’s lips, it
had been nearly a week in the hospital and Jared was getting irritable. He was
getting released today with strict instructions to rest and let himself heal
properly. Jared insisted that he felt fine, he felt strong enough to go home
and he promised to come back to get the stitched out in a couple of weeks.
 
“Then let’s get out of here,” Jared said, biting Jensen’s bottom lips and
sucking it into his mouth.
 
Jensen whole heartedly agreed with that plan and continued to help get Jared
dressed. Just as he was ready, Sandy and Tom arrived to pick them up. Shortly
after that the nurse arrived with a wheelchair and the doctor with his
discharge papers and his prescription pain meds.
 
Jared tried to tell them he could walk but no one would listen to him, talking
about hospital policy and them watching their own asses.
 
Finally Jensen helped Jared into the back seat of Tom’s car and they were on
their way back to Jared’s.
 
“Now, you’re sure you don’t want to come and stay at my place where I can keep
a better eye on you?” Jensen asked for about the twentieth time, but he already
knew the answer.
 
“No, I want to be in my own home,” Jared stated firmly and Jensen didn’t push
it.
 
Jensen carefully got Jared up the stairs and Sandy opened the door for him.
Once they’d gotten Jared seated Sandy knelt in front of him and placed a kiss
on his cheek.
 
“I’ve got to go to class, but I’ll see you tonight, okay?” she said.
 
“Yes, go. I’m fine, will people please stop fussing?” Jared laughed and lightly
shoved Sandy away.
 
“Enjoy it while it last, buddy. ‘Cause once you’re better I’ve got a bar to
run,” Tom joked with a wide grin.
 
“How’s that coming?” Jensen asked.
 
“There have been a few delays but it should be done in a couple of weeks,” Tom
beamed, obviously thrilled about it.
 
“I look forward to the grand opening,” Jensen said honestly.
 
“It’s going to be awesome,” Tom said enthusiastically. “Speaking of which, I’ve
got to get back, make sure the builders aren’t fucking my place up. Take care,
dude, I’ll see ya later, okay?”
 
“Yeah, thanks Tom,” Jared called from the sofa, sending him a wave.
 
“Come on squirt, I’ll give you a ride to class,” Tom said to Sandy who eagerly
accepted the offer.
 
When they’d gone, Jensen went to where Jared was seated on the sofa flicking
through the TV channels.
 
“There’s nothing on,” Jared grumbled turning the TV off and chucking the remote
onto the coffee table.
 
“We’ll just have to make our own fun then won’t we?” Jensen grinned and leaned
over Jared to kiss him.
 
“I like the sound of that,” Jared grinned back and tipped his head up for the
kiss. “I’ve missed not being able to do this.”
 
“Think of the things we’ll be able to do once you’re fully healed,” Jensen
waggled his eyebrows and Jared half laughed half growled, and pull Jensen down
for another kiss.
 
“Uh, I wish I didn’t have these stitches,” Jared moaned as Jensen stared
kissing his neck, while holding his body away from Jared’s so as to not
irritate his wound.
 
“Well, you know, there are other ways for us to have fun,” Jensen suggested,
slipping his hand under Jared’s t-shirt and moving it up so he could kiss
Jared’s chest.
 
“Really? ‘Cause I feel pretty useless right now,” Jared said grumpily then
gasped as Jensen dragged his nipple through his teeth. “Oh you’re so teasing
me.”
 
“You’ve had a rough time, you should get to just sit back and relax,” Jensen
told him, moving to kneel on the ground and continuing to lay kisses down
Jared’s stomach and in a gentle circle around his stitches.
 
Jensen lifted his hand and ran it slowly up Jared’s thigh while he licked a
hot, wet trail down Jared’s naval to the waistband of his sweats.
 
“Jen?” Jared’s shaky voice called and Jensen looked up to find him staring at
him, an unsure look on his face.
 
“Has anyone ever done it before?” Jensen asked softly, slowly moving his hand
to rub against Jared’s hard length, Jared’s breath stuttering at the touch.
“Taken you in their mouth?”
 
“O-once, a long time ago,” Jared told him unsteadily, his eyes slowly dilating
as Jensen stimulated his erection.
 
“Do you want me to refresh your memory?” Jensen bent his head and kissed Jared
through his sweats, causing Jared to gasp.
 
“No,” Jared whimpered. Jensen pursed his lips and closed his eyes, cursing
himself. He was pushing too hard, too fast. But he wanted Jared so badly,
sometimes it was killing him to restrain himself and after all that time in the
hospital—he’d just hoped too much, too soon.
 
“Okay,” Jensen nodded understandingly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—” Jared
caught his face in a large palm and turned it to look at him.
 
“I don’t want you to refresh my memory,” Jared told him softly. “I want you to
create a new one. Replace the nightmare with a dream?”
 
Jensen just stared at him for a moment, taking in what he’d said. As it sunk
in, Jensen’s chest burst with joyful anticipation, he moved up until their
faces were level.
 
“You’re sure? You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Jensen said seriously,
he needed to know that Jared wanted to do this and wasn’t just trying to make
Jensen happy or appease his desires.
 
“I’m sure,” Jared confirmed, still a little breathless. Jared’s eyes bore into
Jensen’s, pupils blown wide but their adorable innocence shone through and
Jensen felt tears prick behind his eyes at the trust he saw shining in those
beautiful orbs.
 
“And you’ll stop me if you need to, right? You won’t try to ride it out? ‘Cause
you know I won’t get offended. I would rather you enjoy it,” Jensen insisted,
praying Jared would stop him if he needed to.
 
“I promise, I’ll stop you if it gets to be too much,” Jared smiled nervously,
running his thumb softly over Jensen’s cheek, causing Jensen to lean into the
touch. “I just want to be close to you, Jen.” Jared's voice cracked a little at
the admittance.
 
“We don’t have to do this to be close, Jay. This is what happens when you’re
close, not the other way around,” Jensen told him, their eyes locked until
Jensen leaned in to kiss him. Jared opened his mouth to the kiss, taking
Jensen’s tongue inside and sucking on it, drawing a quiet moan from Jensen’s
throat.
 
Slowly, Jensen moved his hand to again cup Jared through his sweats. Jared
groaned against his lips, shifting his hips slightly but unable to move much
because of his wound. Jensen kept kissing him as he slipped his hand inside
Jared’s pants, wrapping his fingers around him.
 
Jared pulled his lips away to gulp down some air, throwing his head back
against the sofa and panting slightly. Jensen moved to kiss down Jared’s jaw,
pausing to lick over his earlobe.
 
“Tell me you want this?” Jensen begged, his own hard-on pressing painfully
against the confines of his jeans.
 
“I do,” Jared gasped, nodding his head before fixing his eyes on Jensen’s,
resting their foreheads together.
 
“I promise you,” Jensen whispered to Jared. “That I’ll make it perfect.”
 
“I know,” Jared breathed before he groaned and tipped his head back again as
Jensen pulled on his dick, twisting it just right. Jensen kissed down Jared’s
body, tasting as much skin as he could, eager to get to the real meal. As
Jensen licked along Jared’s waist he used his hands to pull Jared free, he felt
Jared’s stomach quiver under him and quickly looked up to see Jared staring
down at him, his eyes black with want.
 
Keeping his eyes on Jared, Jensen flicked out his tongue and slid it across the
head of Jared’s cock. He smiled as Jared’s breath stuttered and a large hand
came to rest on his head.
 
“You’re sure?” Jensen checked one last time, eyeing Jared intensely.
 
“I want you to,” Jared said, stroking his thumb over Jensen’s cheek.
 
Jensen smiled, pressing a kiss to Jared’s stomach before taking the head of his
cock and sucking it into his mouth.
 
“Oh fuck,” Jared yelped, his fingers tightening in Jensen’s hair. Jensen sucked
a little harder and listened as Jared fell apart.
 
He opened his mouth and took Jared deeper, revelling in the breathless gasps
that came from above him. He swiped his tongue around Jared’s head as he pulled
up and rubbed it firmly against his thick vein as he went down again.
 
“Jesus, Jen,” Jared hissed, his fingers tightening in Jensen’s hair, almost to
the point of pain.
 
Jensen smiled around his mouthful and doubled his efforts, hollowing his cheeks
and sucking harder. With one hand he held the base of Jared’s cock, jerking it
slowly in time with his mouth, while his other ran soothingly up his thigh and
tickled over his hip.
 
Jensen could feel Jared quivering under his touch, hear his breath shortening.
He raised his eyes to spy on Jared’s blissed out face, his mouth hanging open,
his eyes squeezed shut, his other hand making a fist in the cushion of the
sofa, desperately trying to find a purchase in the unhelpful material.
 
It had been a long time since Jensen had done this to another man, but he
revelled in the salty bitterness of Jared’s pre-come and the silky softness of
the tight skin stretched over the contradictory solid muscle that pulsed and
throbbed with the need for release.
 
“Jen,” Jared gasped, his chest moving rapidly along with his harsh breaths. “I
need…”
 
Jensen took Jared as deep as he dared, working harder to give Jared all the
pleasures he believed the beautiful man beneath him deserved.
 
“Jen,” Jared whined, his other hand coming to fist in Jensen’s hair, gripping
so hard it brought tears to Jensen’s eyes. “Please?”
 
Jensen frowned. Jared sounded so desperate, his body arching away from the sofa
so much so that Jensen feared Jared would pull his stitches.
 
Then he remembered.
 
Pulling off, Jensen licked his lips and watched as Jared opened his eyes,
looking down expectantly at him.
 
“It’s okay, Jay,” Jensen told him softly, smiling reassuringly before pressing
a kiss into his hard shaft. “Let it go.”
 
Jensen caught the relief that flooded Jared’s face just before he encased him
with his mouth again. It only took a couple of seconds of Jensen sucking
firmly, before Jared was coming hard.
 
“Holy shit,” Jared cried, his hands flexing in Jensen’s hair as his release
spilled down Jensen’s throat. “Oh, fuck.”
 
Jensen swallowed everything down, gulping quickly to keep up with the copious
amounts Jared shot, the hot liquid filling his mouth and his senses with its
potency.
 
Jared finally slumped back against the sofa. After taking a few deep breaths
and tucking Jared back into his sweats, Jensen crawled up his body to peer into
Jared’s lidded eyes.
 
“Okay?” Jensen asked uncertainly.
 
“More than,” Jared grinned and pulled Jensen in for a kiss.
 
Jensen smiled happily against Jared’s lips, letting him take the lead in their
kiss and set the pace and intensity. Slowly he settled himself next to Jared,
so as not to irritate his injury but continued to allow Jared to take
everything he needed from his mouth.
 
Jensen flinched when he felt Jared’s shaky hand over his still very interested
cock. Quickly he moved his hand to still Jared’s movements.
 
“What’s wrong?” Jared asked, pulling away from their kiss. His face was full of
emotion. Confusion, hurt, concern but the strongest of all was relief.
 
“Nothing’s wrong, Jay,” Jensen assured him, running a hand over his face before
pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. “It’s just… this wasn’t about me. I wanted
to do this for you, give it to you. I don’t expect anything in return.”
 
“You don’t want me to…” Jared nodded his head in the direction of Jensen’s
crotch, blushing slightly as he did so.
 
“God Jared, you have no idea how much I want you to,” Jensen admitted, groaning
slightly at the thought. “But not today.”
 
Jensen kissed Jared quickly, before he could protest or ask anymore questions.
Jensen didn’t think it necessary for him to explain that he didn’t want to push
Jared, as much as he wanted to be with him, in every way possible, he wanted
Jared to feel comfortable with everything they did and not do anything because
he felt obliged to.
 
“Thank you,” Jared murmured against Jensen’s lips. They smiled at each other
before Jensen tucked his head under Jared’s chin, feeling safe and content with
Jared’s arm around him. Together they allowed themselves to doze, comforted by
each others presence.
***** Chapter 14 *****

Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse of an under-age
Jared.
===============================================================================
Part 14
 
Six_Years_Ago
 
 
“Look at you. If only you could see yourself, writhing under me,” Michael said
in wonder. “Just looking at you is enough to send me over the edge.”
 
Jared was laying on his back with Michael above him, one of the old gym mats
cushioning him from the hard concrete ground. His shirt had been removed almost
as soon as he’d stepped through the door and Michael had practically tackled
him to the ground.
 
Michael’s chosen venue was in one of the old buildings in the unused part of
the school. Classes were over and they had nowhere to be. Jared’s parents were
used to him coming home late, Michael had said that Jared was taking extra
study classes with him because he was capable of far more than the rest of the
class and it was unfair to hold him back.
 
Of course Jared’s parents were thrilled with this news and overjoyed that one
of Jared’s teachers had seen so much potential in him. This left Jared and
Michael with as much time as they wanted together.
 
Michael ground down onto Jared, their erections stimulating each other through
their clothes; he rubbed their chests together, Michael having made Jared undo
each of his buttons painfully slowly before slipping it off.
 
This wasn’t the first time Jared had seen Michael without his shirt on, but he
was still amazed every time he saw the older man’s physic. His had strong
muscles that Jared could only ever dream about possessing; his skin was tanned
and beautiful. Jared had taken quite a liking to kissing over it, but only when
Michael said he wanted him too, Jared was still far too nervous to initiate
anything himself.
 
Michael stopped his grinding to move down and drew a long lick down Jared’s
body, from his chest to the waist band of his jeans. Jared gasped at the
sensation, wishing he could hold on to Michael but he’d moved out of his reach.
All he could do was to clench his fists or claw at the smooth mat beneath him.
 
“Talk to me, baby boy,” Michael drawled. “Tell me how it feels.”
 
Jared had found that Michael liked him to be fairly vocal about how amazing
everything was, about how good Michael made him feel. Jared tried to do as he
wanted but found that his voice failed him and Michael more often than not had
to guide him in what he was expected to say.
 
“I-it feels—um,” Jared stammered, suddenly yelping as Michael bit the soft skin
on his hip.
 
“Does it feel good, baby?” Michael probed.
 
“Yes,” Jared breathed. “Yes, it feels good.”
 
“How good is it?” Michael pushed for more.
 
“Really good,” Jared said lamely, but his brain really wouldn’t help him out in
this department. “It feels really good, Michael.”
 
“Do you want more?” Michael asked, teasing him with gentle kisses up his navel
to swirl his tongue around his belly button.
 
“Please?” Jared moaned. He’d found that Michael loved it when he begged, he
loved it when he said please whether he meant it or not.
 
“Please what, baby boy?” Michael grinned up at him, knowing what he was doing.
 
“More. Please, Michael, more,” Jared moaned, pushing his groin up, begging for
friction.
 
It wasn’t a case of Jared enjoying his time with Michael all that much, he
still trembled every time they had to meet, but he really liked to please
Michael, to give him what he wanted, he felt it was the least he could do for
the man who had improved his life so much.
 
He could move freely around the school, he wasn’t afraid to put his hand up in
class anymore, there were no repercussions to being smart anymore and Jared
knew that it was all thanks to Michael.
 
But Jared had learned that the more he encouraged what happened between them,
the more Jared played along, the quicker things were over. Michael would get
him off and then get off himself and then it was over and Jared could be a kid
again. He’d even taken to carrying a spare pair of jeans around with him, never
knowing when he was going to need them.
 
“Of course, baby boy. I’ll give you more,” Michael growled and launched himself
up to claim Jared’s lips.
 
Jared eagerly kissed him back; knowing that when Michael got aggressive like
this it didn’t take too much more to satisfy him.
 
But this time, instead of Michael thrusting against him, Jared found a hand on
the button of his jeans. Jared froze as the button was undone and the zipper
pulled down.
 
Jared moved his mouth away from Michael’s probing tongue and turned his head to
the side. What was Michael doing? Where was he taking them now?
 
Michael shoved his hand into Jared’s jeans, under his boxers and suddenly Jared
felt the skin of Michael’s fingers on his dick.
 
“Oh Jesus,” Jared cursed, forcefully suppressing the ‘no’ that tried to follow.
 
“That’s right, baby boy.” Jared could feel Michael smiling against the skin of
his neck. “You asked for more, I’m giving you more. You still want it, don’t
you?”
 
“Um—” God Jared wanted to say no, he wanted to tell Michael that this wasn’t
what he meant.
 
“You weren’t lying to me were you?” Michael’s tone became stern and Jared
physically flinched. Frantically he shook his head.
 
“No,” he croaked. “No, I wasn’t lying. I do want it.” It was almost reflexive
to say those things, to just agree with everything and keep Michael happy.
 
“Good,” Michael voice went soft and loving again and Jared felt himself relax
slightly. “Because if I don’t touch you soon, Jared, I’m not going to be
responsible for my actions.”
 
Those words send a shiver through Jared, more than the hand that now wrapped
around his cock and squeezed until he moaned. Jared was getting the impression
that he didn’t have a choice in anything anymore.
 
Michael pulled on his cock, his movements experienced and confident. Jared felt
himself grow even harder in Michael’s grip and unconsciously bucked up into his
fist.
 
“Yeah, baby boy. Feels good doesn’t it?” Michael hisses in his ear before
licking it. “You trust me, don’t you, Jared?”
 
“Yes,” Jared spoke immediately; his body starting to tremble as the pressure in
his balls grew tight. “I trust you.”
 
“And I always make you feel good, don’t I?” Michael asked, his voice dripping
with control and the power it gave him.
 
“It always feels amazing,” Jared told him, his breath coming in shallow gasps.
 
“You like it when I touch you, don’t you, baby?” Michael sounded like he was
telling him the answer, whether it was true or not. Jared didn’t disappoint.
 
“I love it when you touch me,” he sobbed, unable to stop his treacherous body
from responding to Michael’s touch.
 
Michael moved his hand faster, twisting his wrist and squeezing in ways that
had Jared charging over the edge.
 
Suddenly, Jared was coming over his chest, his eyes shut tight and his hands
fists by his sides. His head swam as the waves of his orgasm swept over him.
Finally he opened his eyes but he didn’t like the sight that met him, not one
bit.
 
Michael’s eyes were fierce, angry even. Jared shrank away, whimpering as
Michael squeezed his now flaccid dick.
 
“Was that good? Did you enjoy that?” Michael snarled at him.
 
Cautiously, Jared nodded his head. Michael had never looked at him like this
before and Jared honestly didn’t know the right answers to his questions this
time.
 
“You liked me getting you off did you? You want me to do it again?” Michael
said, his voice dripping with contempt. Again Jared nodded his head, fear
curling in his belly, replacing where his orgasm had developed.
 
“Well, let me give you something to think about, baby boy,” he spat the last
two words. “Next time I give you something like this, you will wait until I
tell you to come, you will wait until I’m ready for you to shoot your load, do
you understand me?”
 
Jared gulped nervously. He hadn’t known, he hadn’t known he was supposed to
wait, he hadn’t known he needed permission. But now he thought about it, every
time he’d ever come before, Michael had always told him to let it go, that it
was okay, that he wanted to see him come.
 
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Jared said quickly, hoping to plicate Michael
somewhat. Michael’s eyes did soften for a moment and Jared breathed a little
easier.
 
“Maybe not, maybe you hadn’t caught on,” he said gently before his eyes closed
into harsh slits once again. “But one thing you did know and I know you knew
this, Jared, is that you never, ever, come unless you’re looking in my eyes. I
get to see everything you’re feeling in that moment and you will see my face
every single time you go through pleasure like that, do you understand me,
Jared?”
 
Jared nodded frantically, his heart pounding in his chest as a new found fear
spread through him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he said desperately. “I’ll never
do it again, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’ll never do it again, I promise.”
 
Michael’s face calmed and relaxed until he was the same old Michael Jared knew
before, but this time Jared didn’t feel comforted by it, he’d seen a side of
Michael he hadn’t know existed and it terrified him, he never wanted to see it
again.
 
“Hey, it’s okay, baby. I should’ve been more clear, it was my fault,” he said
softly, stroking Jared’s face with his come soaked hand, seemingly not
noticing—or not caring—that he was drawing lines of come on Jared’s cheek, it
dripping into his hair. “But you see; now we have a problem.”
 
Jared stiffened. His heart clenched at the possible meaning of those words.
 
“Do you know what that problem is, Jared?” Michael asked as though he were
teaching an idiot.
 
“Um, I—” Then it dawned on Jared. Michael hadn’t come yet, he was unfulfilled,
while Jared was sated and Jared knew that that just wouldn’t do, not at all.
“You haven’t come yet,” Jared stated, trying desperately to keep the quiver
from his voice.
 
“That’s right. I haven’t and that’s a little unfair, don’t you think?” Michael
said with a slight annoyance in his voice. “So, what are you going to do about
it?”
 
Okay, now Jared didn’t have an answer to this question, he’d never had to be
the one to get Michael off before, not under his own steam anyway.
 
“I—” Jared started to speak but the look in Michael’s eye stopped him.
Obviously, now wasn’t the time for words. Tentatively, Jared raised his hips,
trying to rub against Michael’s groin, to stimulate his erection. Michael
looked at him sadly and shook his head.
 
Jared gulped, what was he supposed to do?
 
“I don’t know, I’m sorry, I don’t know,” he whimpered, tears falling from his
eyes.
 
Michael looked at him softly, the old, kind Michael shining through.
 
“Would you like me to tell you, baby?” he asked softly, pressing a gentle kiss
on Jared’s lips. Jared closed his eyes and tried to imagine that things were
okay, that they were still the way they’d always been.
 
“Teach me?” he heard himself say, not sure where the words came from, but at
that point in time it didn’t matter because they were obviously the right words
to say.
 
Michael kissed him, firm and strong and passionate, the way that Jared was used
to being kissed by him.
 
“Always,” Michael’s breathed against his lips.
 
Jared let out a jagged breath; he felt so relieved that Michael was going to
take control again, was going to tell him what to do. He knew that as long as
he took Michael’s lead everything would be alright, he couldn’t do it wrong if
he was doing what he was taught, and Jared was good and learning things.
 
“Give me your hand,” Michael spoke softly as he rolled onto his side, pulling
Jared to lay opposite him. Jared lifted his hand and placed in Michael’s out
stretched palm.
 
Michael moved his hand so he was holding Jared by the back of his hand before
he pulled is down to touch his crouch.
 
“Take me out, baby boy, nice and gentle,” Michael instructed and Jared had no
choice but to do as he was told. Slowly he unzipped the fly of Michael’s slacks
before popping open the button. His eyes flicked to Michael’s before reaching
inside to pull his dick from his pants. Michael’s eyes were fixed on Jared’s,
soaking up every emotion they emitted.
 
“I don’t know what to do,” Jared murmured helplessly.
 
“Don’t worry, baby boy, I’m going to teach you,” Michael smiled softly and
kissed Jared on the lips. “But pay attention, okay baby? I don’t want to have
to keep telling you, and I know you’re smart enough to catch on quick.”
 
Jared nodded and kept his eyes on Michael’s, too afraid that looking away would
be the wrong thing to do.
 
Michael took Jared’s hand and wrapped it around his cock, sealing his fingers
tightly before squeezing firmly.
 
“Feel that?” he asked and Jared nodded in confirmation. “That’s how you start
off, okay? Now, follow my lead.”
 
Michael stared into Jared’s eyes and his hand manoeuvred Jared’s exactly how he
wanted. Jared felt Michael expand in his hand, he understood when Michael
guided his thumb over his slit and quivered at the pre-come he felt there. He
paid wrapped attention to every movement Michael made him do, committing it to
memory, knowing that next time, he’d probably have to do this by himself.
 
“Uh, that’s it, baby. You’re so good, so talented,” Michael moaned, his eyes
falling shut. “Kiss me, Jared. Kiss me.”
 
They weren’t requests, he wasn’t asking for pleasure; he was demanding it and
Jared daren’t turn him down.
 
Michael’s head was tipped back so Jared couldn’t reach his lips, so instead he
concentrated on kissing Michael’s neck, mimicking everything Michael had ever
done to him.
 
Michael groaned and made Jared’s hand work faster against him. Jared’s arm
screamed at him, begging him for a rest against the ache thrumming through it,
but Jared daren’t stop, or ask for a break. Suddenly, Michael’s hand fell away
from Jared’s and left him to carry on alone.
 
“Oh God, that’s it, baby. Oh fuck, you’re doing so fucking well,” Michael
groaned and cursed, his hips bucking into Jared’s hand. Jared forced himself to
continue, he worked his hand faster and firmer, jacking Michael off as best he
could. All the while he kept his lips at work on Michael’s neck, kissing every
bit of skin available to him.
 
“Oh fuck, Jared, oh fuck,” Michael practically screamed. Suddenly, Jared was
being pushed onto his back, his hand removed from Michael’s cock. A hand
grasped Jared’s hair, pulling his head up. “Watch!” Michael growled in his ear
and Jared forced his eyes to watch as Michael jacked himself to completion over
him.
 
Then Michael was coming, he was coming hard and hot, strips of his release
coating Jared’s stomach, mixing with his own drying come. Some of it hit
Jared’s neck, even splattering his chin. The strong smell assaulted Jared’s
nostrils and he tried really hard not to gag at it.
 
Then Michael was collapsed over him, smearing their combined come between their
naked chests.
 
Jared lay there, as silent as he could be while Michael’s heavy breathing
steadied over him. Pinned by Michael’s weight, Jared couldn’t move, nor did he
try.
 
When it was obvious that Michael had fallen asleep, Jared allowed himself to
give in to his tears, the weight of where this relationship was going boring
into his mind. Jared sobbed as quietly as he could, not daring to wake Michael.
 
A sickening realisation hit Jared in that moment. He was terrified of the man
he was in love with. He knew that such a reality was severely twisted, but he
saw no way to alter it or a way to deal with it. He didn’t want out, but he
didn’t want in. He was trapped, and would have to ride this situation wherever
it took him.
 
Jared closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep along with Michael, at least
that way he wouldn’t have to deal with the crap his mind was trying to lay upon
him.
 
Sleep didn’t come and Jared’s mind continued to torture him, and he knew this
wasn’t going to be the last time and part of himself was given over to that
reality.
 
Jared sighed and wrapped his arms around the form of his sleeping torturer,
pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.
 
***
 
 
“Just tell him it’s over, tell him you don’t want to do it any more,” Sandy was
almost begging at this stage.
 
“I can’t do that, Sand,” Jared said weakly, unable to meet her intense stare.
 
“Yes you can, Jay. You need to stand up for yourself,” Sandy insisted. “Jay,
listen to me, please. This is so wrong, on so many levels. It’s abuse, Jay.
He’s abusing you, and you’ve got to fight back. You can’t let him get away with
it anymore.”
 
“It’s not,” Jared said harshly, standing and walking away from Sandy.
 
Sandy jumped off the school bench and followed him quickly, running to catch up
with his long legs.
 
“No? What would you call it then? Love? Mutual respect? Cause let me tell you,
Jay, there is no respect coming your way from this man.” Sandy grabbed his arm
and made him stop. “I know you think you love him, Hell, maybe you even do in a
way. But he is using you and I’m so scared you’re going to get hurt. He’s
unpredictable and he’s damn well dangerous.”
 
Jared slowly raised his eyes from the ground to meet Sandy’s. Sandy’s heart
lifted, maybe this time she’d finally gotten through to him.
 
“He would never hurt me,” Jared stated firmly, pleading with Sandy to
understand. “He’s the one who protected me. He swore he’d never hurt me.”
 
“Yeah, so he got those assholes off your back, but at what price? He’s using
that against you, Jay. He’s our teacher, you don’t owe him anything, it was his
job to protect you!” Sandy grabbed Jared’s arms before he could walk away
again. “Please, Jay. Just trust me, trust me over him, please?”
 
“Jared!” Michael’s voice carried over to them and Sandy squeezed her eyes shut.
 
“Don’t go to him, Jay. Come home with me, please?” she begged him.
 
For a moment Jared looked torn, he looked down at Sandy, his petite best
friend, who’d been there through everything, even back when the bullying
started. Then, over her shoulder to where Michael waited impatiently by the
door of the school.
 
“Please, Jay,” Sandy tried again but Jared shook his head.
 
“I’ll see you later, okay, Sand,” he said quietly. His shoulders slumped in
defeat and he left his friend standing alone with tears falling down her cheeks
as he trudged over to Michael who smiled widely at him.
 
“Miss McCoy? Is there something I can help you with?” Michael called to Sandy’s
back as she just stood there.
 
The possibilities ran through Sandy’s head, ‘you can stop fucking with my best
friend,’ ‘you can stop your mind games and leave him alone,’ ‘you can go drown
in your own bile you sick fuck.’
 
But what came out was, “No sir.”
 
Miserably, Sandy walked away and left Jared to what ever torture he was going
to endure today, knowing that she’d hear about it when it all got too much for
Jared to take.
 
That was always the way. Jared would put up with it for a long time, then
eventually he would break down and come crying to Sandy, blurting out
everything Mr. Weatherly had made him do and how much he hated it.
 
But that’s all it was, a release, Jared getting it all off his chest. So many
times Sandy had tried to make Jared see sense, to understand that things
shouldn’t be that way. But once Jared had cried it out he would clam up again,
shutting down his emotions so he could deal with it again, even going as far as
to defend the sick son of a bitch.
 
Time and time again Jared would choose him over her, but Sandy wouldn’t give
up, she’d keep trying. There was no way she would turn her back on him, not in
a million years.
 
~~~
 
Jared watched Sandy walk away. A painful stab in his gut telling him he’d
probably just made a mistake.
 
In truth, Jared had been trying to avoid Michael as much as possible. Taking
his lunch off the school grounds with Sandy; darting out of class as quickly as
possible. But whenever Michael was right there, in front of him, asking him to
go with him, Jared was powerless to say no.
 
Silently, he followed Michael into his office where he listened to the door
lock behind him. He didn’t turn around, he kept his back to Michael and tried
to not cringe when he felt the warm presence press up against him and hands
start to roam over his body.
 
“I keep missing you, baby,” Michael whispered as he pressed light kisses to
Jared’s neck. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
 
“I know, I’ve missed you,” Jared said automatically as he tipped his head to
the side to give Michael more access.
 
“God Jared, I’m so desperate for you,” Michael growled in his ear, his voice
low and dripping with lust. “Take off your clothes, I need to see you, touch
you, right now.”
 
Without thinking, Jared pulled his shirt over his head and undid the fly on his
jeans, letting them fall passed his knees. Suddenly, Michael spun him around
and captured his lips, pulling him against him tightly and attacking his mouth
with enthusiasm.
 
“It’s been too long, baby. Way too long,” Michael told him as he forced Jared
back, letting his step out of his shoes and jeans, until he was standing
against the desk. “So, I’m going to make this a special day, I’m going to teach
you something new.”
 
Those words filled Jared with such a sense of dread he froze on the spot.
Michael chuckled and kissed him softly on the lips.
 
“Don’t worry, baby boy. You’ll love it, I promise,” Michael swore and grinned
at Jared. “Now, first I want to watch you get yourself hard for me.”
 
Jared frowned. Michael had never asked him that before. What was he supposed to
do?
 
Michael just looked at him expectantly, so, with a slow, trembling hand, Jared
reached into his boxers and held his dick in his palm. Michael’s eyes followed
the movement and darkened as he licked his lips.
 
Knowing he was doing the right thing, Jared proceeded to jerk himself until he
was holding his long hard length in his fist.
 
“My God, now that’s a beautiful sight,” Michael drawled and palmed himself
through his trousers. Jared’s face heated and he knew he was blushing fiercely.
“Okay, baby. Stop.”
 
Jared removed his hand and waited with baited breath to see what would happen
next. Michael ran his eyes over the sight of Jared, naked aside from his
boxers, his hard cock on display. Michael advanced on him, pressing his still
clothed body against him.
 
“Alright. Now, I want you to pay very special attention, baby. I expect you to
learn from this and remember everything, okay?” Michael said, making his voice
clear but soft.
 
“Okay,” Jared nodded; his hands gripping the table to prevent him from bolting.
 
“Good boy,” Michael smiled slyly. “Now remember, you’re not to come until I
tell you too.”
 
Jared nodded again, taking a deep breath, and waited. He didn’t have to wait
long, suddenly; Michael was on his knees and had taken Jared’s cock all the way
into his mouth.
 
“Holy fuck,” Jared hissed, digging his finger nails into the desk in an attempt
not to cry out. The warm, wet cavern of Michael’s mouth surrounded him and
Jared had to force himself not to come there and then. But he remembered
Michael’s warning and he remembered the last time he’d broken the rules, he
didn’t want to see Michael like that again.
 
Jared’s legs shook and he was grateful for the desk behind him, keeping him
upright. Jared focused on his breathing, on keeping calm, but when he felt
Michael’s tongue sweep around the head of his dick a shaky moan escaped him.
 
How the Hell was he supposed to remember everything Michael was doing when he
couldn’t even breathe?
 
Jared forced himself to pay attention, knowing that if he didn’t, the
consequence could be steep. He memorised every lick, every swirl, when Michael
sucked harder and when he hummed around him. Michael fucked his tongue into
Jared’s slit before taking him deeper than Jared would’ve thought possible. How
could he not be chocking?
 
Jared’s body was shaking so badly, he was desperate to come and trying to hold
it off was pure torture. He could taste blood from biting his lip against the
screams that threatened to escape him and he knew Michael had chosen to do this
in his office purely for the reason that Jared had to force himself to be
quiet.
 
“I can’t—” Jared blurted. He felt like he was about to explode. “Michael, I
can’t—please?”
 
Michael groaned around him and sucked him harder, Jared’s legs gave a little
and he began to pant so hard he was sure he wasn’t getting enough oxygen.
 
“Please, oh fuck, please?” Jared begged. He needed to come; he needed to come
right then. Tears fell down his face as he tried so hard to hold on while
Michael worked him like a pro.
 
Jared whimpered when Michael suddenly pulled off and cold air rushed to greet
his moist and aching cock. Michael clamped a hand around the base of Jared’s
dick and squeezed firmly, helping to hold off his orgasm, as he rose to his
feet and looked Jared in the eye.
 
“Do you need to come, baby?” he asked sweetly.
 
“Yes, please Michael, please,” Jared begged through his sobs.
 
“Fine, but I get to taste you,” Michael grinned, licking his lips. Jared
frowned, not knowing what Michael meant but so desperate to come he would agree
to anything at this point, so he nodded frantically and Michael’s grin got
wider. “And then I’ll let you taste me, would you like that, baby boy?” Michael
licked a long wet stripe up the side of Jared’s face.
 
“Yes,” Jared almost yelled and Michael tightened his grip.
 
“Good boy,” Michael said and fell back to his knees. He licked the top of
Jared’s cock before looking back up at him. “Oh, and you can come now.”
 
With that said Michael released his grip on Jared’s cock and sucked him down to
the hilt.
 
Jared tried to suppress a wail and had to shove his fist in his mouth to stop
the sound, but he came, he came damn hard. Michael swallowed around him, taking
it all down with a pleased groan. Jared held onto the desk for as long as he
could, but as his orgasm shot through him, his strength waned and his arms went
to jello along with his legs.
 
Jared collapsed to the ground, his vision darkening as his head lolled. Michael
was there like a shot, taking Jared into his arms and supporting his head
gently.
 
“There’s a good boy,” he praised. “Oh baby, you were so good and you taste
delicious.”
 
Jared couldn’t speak, not that he could think of anything to say. He just sat
back in Michael’s arms and let the man card his fingers through his hair and
place gentle, loving kisses over the side of his face.
 
Jared was just starting to come back to himself when Michael turned his head
and kissed him deeply, shoving his tongue in his mouth. Jared screwed up his
face at the taste of his release on Michael’s tongue, it was revolting, but
Michael didn’t let up, he just kept kissing Jared until he had to break for
air.
 
“Okay, baby,” Michael said sweetly. “Your turn.”
 
Jared looked up at him in alarm. His turn? His turn for what?
 
Michael got to his feet and pulled Jared with him. He guided Jared around to
the other side of the desk before dropping himself into his black leather
chair.
 
“Alright. You need to get on your knees,” he told Jared, a calm smile plastered
over his face.
 
“I what?” Jared blurted, surely this wasn’t happening.
 
“You can’t taste me from up there, can you?” Michael smirked. “Now, get on your
knees.”
 
“No,” Jared choked on the word, but he said it. There was no way he could do
what Michael had just done. Just the thought of it made Jared feel sick.
 
Michael’s face darkened. A scowl formed over his handsome features and he rose
from his chair in one swift movement.
 
“What do you mean, no?” he growled incredulously. “Is this some kind of game,
Jared? After everything I’ve done for you, not telling your little secret,
protecting you from those who wanted to hurt you and now I’m offering this to
you and you don’t even have the decency to take it?”
 
Jared tried to back away but the desk was behind his legs and he daren’t take
his eyes off Michael to see where he was going.
 
“Do you know why I did those things, Jared?” Michael asked, but he didn’t wait
for Jared to reply. “I did them because I care about you. Because you mean so
much to me. All I ever wanted to do was make you happy, Jared. And I do, don’t
I? I make you happy, don’t I? I make you feel good?”
 
“Y-yes,” Jared stammered nervously. He wanted to please Michael, but he just
wasn’t ready to do something like this, not yet.
 
“Don’t you want to make me happy too, Jared? Do I mean that little to you?”
Michael looked truly hurt and Jared shook his head violently.
 
“You do, you do mean a lot to me,” Jared said quickly, not wanting Michael to
think him ungrateful and unfeeling. “And I do want to make you happy; I try,
all the time, just to make you happy.”
 
“Yeah? Well, right now Jared, I just feel hurt and used,” Michael said, and he
sounded it, he really sounded hurt and Jared’s chest clenched. He’d hurt
Michael, after everything he’d done for him, he’d gone and hurt him by refusing
to return what had already been given to him.
 
“I’m sorry,” Jared said as tears fell down his face. “I didn’t mean to hurt
you, I never meant to hurt you, I’m so sorry.”
 
Not knowing another way to make it better, Jared fell to his knees and placed
his hands on Michael’s legs, applying slight pressure in an indication that
Michael should sit back down.
 
Michael did sit, but he caught Jared’s hands as they reached for Michael’s fly.
 
“Are you sure, baby? I don’t want you doing anything you don’t want to do,”
Michael said softly, looking right into Jared’s eyes.
 
“I’m sure,” Jared told him and tried to smile. He wasn’t sure if he
accomplished it but it didn’t seem to matter, because Michael let go of Jared
and allowed him to take Michael’s dick out of his pants.
 
Michael was only half hard, so Jared used what he had been taught to jerk
Michael to full hardness. He watched as the dick in front of him grew in his
hand until there was a bulbous head aching before his face.
 
Jared licked his lips and gazed up at Michael who was watching intently.
 
“It’s okay, baby boy. Go ahead,” Michael said gently and stroked his hand
through Jared’s hair. Jared leaned into the touch slightly before focusing.
 
Tentatively, he flicked out his tongue and licked over the head of Michael’s
cock. A salty taste erupted on his taste buds, and he slowly licked again.
 
Michael groaned above him. The hand in his hair tightening and Jared felt his
head being pushed down firmly. He had no choice but to open his mouth and take
Michael inside.
 
“That’s it, baby. Take me in, there’s a good boy,” Michael breathed a little
shakily.
 
Jared just stayed there for a moment, not sure what to do. This hard length of
muscle intruding on his mouth and begging for attention. Slowly, Jared moved
his tongue around the intrusion, swirling it over the head as best he could,
trying to mimic what he could remember of Michael doing this to him.
 
“Uh, that’s right, baby. That’s right,” Michael praised and his hand tightened
in Jared’s hair. Jared found himself slowly being pulled up. He tried to keep
his lips tight over the silky skin until he was suddenly shoved back down
again.
 
Michael kept guiding his movements until Jared got the idea and kept the pace
up by himself.
 
“Such a fast learner. Uh, so good,” Michael moaned bringing his other hand up
to join it’s counterpart in Jared’s hair.
 
Jared sucked harder, hollowing his cheeks. Bobbing his head up and down,
keeping a good rhythm as best he could. He could feel his saliva seeping past
his lips and prayed this was allowed.
 
Michael was writhing above him, barely keeping still in his chair. His hands
pushed Jared down roughly, Michael’s dick hitting the back of Jared’s throat,
causing his to gag suddenly.
 
“Uh, it’s good baby, but it’s not enough,” Michael said.
 
Suddenly, he hauled Jared higher onto his knees as he stood. He pushed Jared’s
head back until it struck the desk behind him and he was pinned between hard
wood and hard flesh.
 
Jared winced as Michael’s grip in his hair tightened painfully and Michael
began to thrust himself into Jared’s open mouth. Every time Michael’s cock
rammed itself down Jared’s throat Jared had to force himself not to throw up.
 
“Fuck yeah,” Michael hissed above him as he fucked himself into Jared’s mouth.
“That’s it, baby, take me all the way down. Swallow me like I’m the best thing
you’ve ever tasted.”
 
Jared’s jaw began to protest, screaming against the abuse. His throat ached and
burned where Michael’s cock kept banging against it repeatedly.
 
Jared tried to push Michael away, to get him to stop. He couldn’t breathe, it
hurt so much, but he couldn’t stop it. Michael just kept coming back, again and
again, never satisfied.
 
Jared head began to bang violently against the desk, Michael’s trusts were so
aggressive even him holding Jared’s head still wasn’t enough to protect it.
 
Tears streamed down Jared’s face. The pain, the humiliation and an overwhelming
fear that he was going to die doing this, he was going to suffocate on
Michael’s cock fucking his mouth, all became too much and Jared felt himself
cracking inside, on the verge of breaking.
 
Suddenly, hot liquid was being pumped into Jared’s mouth. He began to choke on
it before a voice spoke harshly down at him.
 
“Swallow it baby. We don’t want to go making a mess and giving ourselves away
now, do we?”
 
So, Jared tried to swallow, but he mostly choked and sent it spilling down his
chin.
 
The next thing Jared knew, his hair was released and he fell to the floor,
while Michael collapsed back into the chair.
 
Jared coughed and gagged and gasped for air while crying into the floor and
praying he never had to go through that again.
 
Jared was so lost in his own misery he didn’t notice the body curling up behind
him. Soft and gentle kisses were pressed into his neck and cheek while strong
arms pulled him into a warm body. Jared welcomed the heat, welcomed the comfort
it offered while he cried, his body wracked by violent sobs.
 
“Shh, it’s okay, baby. I’m so proud of you,” Michael whispered over his cries.
He brushed Jared’s hair from his face and placed more loving kisses on his
face. “I’m so very proud of you. You’re amazing, you know that? God, Jared, do
you have any idea how much you mean to me? I love you, Jared. I love you so
very much.”
 
Jared just cried, finding comfort in Michael’s arms, in his soft, kind words
and his loving kisses. Jared fell asleep that away, on the floor of his teacher
office, almost naked with his mouth and throat hurting so bad he knew he
wouldn’t be able to talk even if he tried.
***** Chapter 15 *****

Author's notes: This chapter contains dub-con/sexual abuse and rape of an
under-age Jared.
Continues almost immediately on from chapter 14.
===============================================================================
Part 15
 
It was late when Jared stumbled down Sandy’s driveway. He wasn’t surprised when
she met him at the door and led him inside.
 
“They’re out,” she told him when she saw his bloodshot eyes searching the
kitchen. “Won’t be back till really late.”
 
Jared nodded and allowed himself to be led to a chair. In no time at all Jared
was being presented with a cool glass of water, which he accepted gratefully,
but winced when he tried to swallow anything.
 
His throat felt three times the size it should, his lips felt as though they
would crack if he moved them more than a millimetre. His chest was aching from
the amount of crying he’d done in Michael’s arms and even though he’d slept for
hours, waking up to find a blanket draped over him and Michael watching him
calmly, he was still exhausted.
 
Michael had offered him a ride home but Jared had shook his head and walked
away, unable to say a word to his—boyfriend? Was that was Michael was? Or was
he what Sandy called him, Jared’s abuser? He certainly felt abused right now.
 
“What happened, Jay? What did he do this time?” Sandy asked sadly as she
crouched in front of him.
 
Jared opened his mouth to speak but winced as soon as he tried to make a sound.
 
“Jesus,” Sandy gasped, obviously realising what had happened. “And you’re going
to tell me this isn’t abuse?”
 
Jared just looked up at her, even more tears falling from his eyes as he shook
his head at her. Now wasn’t the time.
 
“Okay, alright, Jay. Not now.” It was like they could read each others minds.
“You wanna stay here tonight?”
 
Jared smiled gratefully and Sandy nodded, leaving his side to fetch the phone.
Jared listened to Sandy speak into the phone.
 
“Hey, Mrs Padalecki, it’s Sandy,” she said brightly, but her eyes were troubled
as they fell on Jared. “No, nothings wrong. It’s just that Jared came by to
help me study and he’s passed out over the books.” Sandy always was a good
liar. “Yeah, I know, bless him. So, I’m just gonna set him up in the guest
room, okay, I just thought I’d let you know so you didn’t worry. Yeah, okay,
I’ll let him know, bye Mrs Padalecki.”
 
Sandy hung up the phone and tried to smile at Jared.
 
“You’re mom says not to forget that you’ve got to mow the lawn tomorrow,” she
told him.
 
Jared huffed out a harsh laugh and shook his head wryly, the normal things of
life - like mowing the lawn - seeming so mundane in the light of what happened
behind locked doors.
 
Jared tried to drink more of the water but ended up coughing harshly, tears
springing up in his eyes from the pain the action caused him. Sandy was there,
patting him on the back, pain and fear in her eyes as she studied him.
 
“You wanna go to bed?” she asked softly and Jared nodded and leaned against
Sandy as she helped him up the stairs.
 
Once in the guest room, Jared didn’t bother undressing, he just collapsed onto
the bed and curled in on himself. Sandy sat by him and stroked his hair.
 
“I hate this, Jay. I really hate this,” Sandy’s voice cracked and Jared knew
she was trying to hold back her tears. He felt guilty about putting Sandy
through everything but he had no one else to turn to. She was his only friend,
and he still couldn’t understand why.
 
Sandy was beautiful; she could be the most popular girl in school if she wanted
to be. She had boys falling over their own feet to be with her but she rarely
took up any of the offers. She said she wasn’t interested in the guys at
school, they were all so shallow and only wanted in her pants, and she wasn’t
going to get used like that.
 
Jared knew that she only thought like that because of him. She had grown up so
much quicker than a normal teenage girl because she watched what Jared went
through and was determined that no one would treat her anywhere close to that
way. Jared couldn’t blame her.
 
“Sleep well, Jay,” Sandy said softly and placed a kiss on his head. She went to
stand up from the bed but Jared caught her hand to stop her. Sandy looked down
at him and Jared’s eyes pleaded with her. “Okay, Jay. I’ll stay for a little
while, just until you’re asleep.”
 
Sandy settled down on the bed and curled up behind Jared.
 
“Thank you,” Jared managed to croak roughly as Sandy’s arms encased him.
 
“Go to sleep, Jay,” Sandy told him and Jared closed his eyes. He gently cried
himself to sleep in Sandy’s arms and thanked the Lord he had such a special
friend.
 
 
***
 
 
Jared moaned against Michael’s mouth as they kissed softly. Their naked bodies
rubbed against each other and Michael’s hand slowly moved over Jared’s skin,
caressing each tender part that made Jared shiver. They were in the abandoned
building away from the main school, the old gym mat beneath them.
 
After Michael had made Jared give him that blowjob, Jared had been home sick
for a week. His parents had thought he’d had the flu. He’d had a high
temperature, a nasty cough; he could barely speak and was too weak to get out
of bed.
 
Michael had called by while Jared’s parents had been at work and Jared had only
just made it to the door to answer it, falling into Michael’s arms when his
legs refused to take his weight any longer.
 
Michael had immediately carried him back to bed and spent over an hour wiping
his head with a cool cloth and talking to him softly.
 
When Jared had returned to school Michael had been just as gentle. When Jared
would turn up to meet him, trembling with fear that he would be made to repeat
their last time together, Michael had surprised him by doing nothing but cover
Jared in kisses and hold him for what seemed like hours. Just talking to him,
telling him how special he was and how worried he’d been about him.
 
Back was the Michael Jared had fallen in love with and he looked forward to
their meetings again.
 
Gradually, they began to do more things, kiss more intensely and their hands
would roam more often. Michael didn’t need to tell Jared about things anymore,
they were so ingrained on his mind that he would never forget again and it made
their time together go by smoothly.
 
Now as Michael pushed his naked body against Jared’s and murmured endearments
in his ear, Jared moaned happily, running his hands down Michael’s back and
bucking up into him.
 
Michael pulled Jared so they were laying side by side, he looked into his eyes
and smiled softly. His pupils were slightly blown but there was still a circle
of blue that Jared focused on.
 
“I love you, Jared,” Michael whispered and cupped Jared’s face in his palm, his
thumb caressing Jared’s cheek slowly. Jared leaned into the touch and smiled.
He pushed away the fact that the last time Michael had told him that was when
he was a sobbing, barely conscious mess on his office floor, and just embraced
the moment they were sharing right then.
 
“I love you, too,” Jared confessed for the first time out loud and he meant it.
His face flushed brightly when Michael beamed at him.
 
Slowly, cautiously, Michael leaned forward and kissed Jared chastely. Jared
closed his eyes and smiled into the kiss. He truly loved it when Michael was
like this; he felt safe and loved and never wanted their time together to end.
 
Jared followed Michael’s lips as they pulled away and Michael leaned back in to
kiss him again. Michael shifted closer as they kissed so that their bodies were
flush against each others, their erections brushing. Michael moaned and
deepened the kiss, pulling Jared against him more firmly.
 
Jared gasped and had to pull away from Michael, the need for oxygen over
powering the intense kiss. Michael didn’t mind. He nuzzled into Jared’s neck
and dusted kisses over his shoulder while his hand ran down Jared’s side,
sliding over his ass to hook under his thigh, pulling Jared’s leg over his hip.
 
“Baby,” Michael murmured, continuing his kisses. “I love you, God, I love you
so much.”
 
Jared’s heart swelled and he clung onto Michael, his breath becoming a little
more erratic as Michael slowly moved his hips against his and his kisses became
more urgent over his skin.
 
Michael held onto Jared’s hip, holding him so they could get more friction up
between them and Jared moaned loudly at the stimulation. Michael started to
move faster, his breath hot against Jared’s skin.
 
“Uh, Jared. I want you, baby boy, I want you so badly,” Michael panted and
gripped Jared’s ass firmly.
 
“You’ve—uh—you’ve got me,” Jared said breathlessly.
 
Their lips met again, Michael kissing Jared desperately and Jared enjoyed the
closeness it brought to them. Michael’s hand on Jared’s ass flexed in the
flesh, rubbing in circles. Gradually, Michael moved his hand until his fingers
slipped between Jared’s cheeks. Jared jerked at the strange sensation but
didn’t pull away. Michael was so far gone he probably didn’t even know what he
was doing.
 
Suddenly, Michael pushed a finger inside Jared.
 
Jared yelped and now he did push Michael away, but Michael held on tight and
kept his finger moving inside Jared.
 
“Don’t,” Jared said bravely, not liking the feeling of the intrusion in his
ass.
 
“What?” Michael looked at him, confusion painted over his features. All the
while his finger didn’t cease its rubbing.
 
“Please, don’t do that,” Jared squirmed and tried to get Michael to remove his
digit. “I don’t like it.”
 
Michael pulled his finger out and stared at Jared as though he’d just been
slapped.
 
“I thought you loved me,” Michael said incredulously. “You said you loved me.”
 
“I do,” Jared insisted. “But I—”
 
“No, there is no ‘but’ Jared, you either love me or you don’t,” Michael said,
hurt covering his face. “This is what people do when they’re in love.”
 
“I just don’t think I’m ready, not yet,” Jared tried to explain; hating the
look Michael was giving him, like he was betraying him in some terrible way.
 
“Not ready? How much time do you want, Jared? I’ve been so patient with you,
I’ve taken everything so slowly because I didn’t want to rush you but I’m
starting to get the impression you’re just stringing me along, that I don’t
mean as much to you as you say I do.” Michael pushed Jared away from him,
rolling onto his back and covering his eyes with his arm.
 
“That’s not true,” Jared said desperately. “I love you, Michael. I do. I just—”
 
“I don’t think you do,” Michael said, not looking at him. “I think you’re too
young to understand what love really is.”
 
“No,” Jared sobbed, he felt like he was loosing him. “I’m not.”
 
Michael looked at him, pain in his eyes. “Jared. You say you love me, but you
won’t make love with me. What am I supposed to think?”
 
Jared searched Michael’s eyes, desperate for a clue of how to make this better.
Michael wasn’t angry with him, not like he’d been before. He was just hurt,
betrayed, and as far as Jared was concerned, that was worse.
 
“I do love you,” Jared said quietly, pleading with his eyes for Michael to
believe him.
 
“Then show me, Jared,” Michael pleaded right back. “Prove it to me.”
 
Jared swallowed. Can I really do this? Can I give him what he wants?
 
“What if I’m not any good?” Jared said quietly, his hands starting to shake,
his eyes begging Michael for some sort of reassurance. Michael’s eyes softened,
he moved closer and placed a hand on Jared’s face.
 
“Is that what you’re worried about?” he asked with a slight chuckle. “Jared,
that’s just not possible. And that’s not what this is about. It doesn’t matter
about things like that, I just want to be with you, I want to share everything
with you. I love you and I want to make love to you.”
 
Jared’s heart was beating so fast he was sure it skipped a few beats because it
couldn’t keep up with itself; his whole body was trembling so bad he could’ve
caused an earthquake.
 
“O-okay,” Jared spoke quietly and shut his eyes.
 
“Okay? Really?” Michael asked, sounding surprised. Jared opened his eyes and
took in Michael’s hopeful smile.
 
“Y-yeah. Okay,” Jared nodded, but he didn’t smile, not that he would’ve had
time because Michael’s mouth was on his in an instant, kissing the breath out
of him.
 
Michael didn’t waste any time. His hand slipped down and his finger pushed back
inside Jared’s ass. Jared flinched, screwing up his eyes and stopping the kiss.
 
“You have to relax for me, baby,” Michael told him. Jared nodded and tried to
will his body to relax, which was much easier said than done. “Hey, baby boy,
look at me.”
 
Jared opened his eyes and peered up at Michael, he was scared and he knew his
face reflected that. Michael smiled and slipped another finger into Jared’s
body. Jared opened his mouth, letting out a surprised sound, his ass burning
uncomfortably as Michael’s fingers worked in him.
 
Jared kept his eyes on Michael’s, drawing confidence from him, taking the
reassurance he saw there and feeding on it hungrily.
 
Then Michael leaned away and fumbled about in his trouser pocket for a few
seconds. When he came back he had a small tube in his hand. He removed his
fingers from Jared—who sighed with relief—and coated them with the contents of
the tube.
 
“This will make it easier, okay?” Michael told him. Jared gasped as the fingers
were reinserted, pushing roughly into his body. Jared tried to relax, he really
did, but his body was shaking so badly he just didn’t think relaxing was
something he was capable of doing. He hissed as Michael’s fingers spread apart
inside him, Jared’s nails digging into Michael’s skin.
 
“Okay, baby boy,” Michael said softly and removed his fingers again. “I need
you to lay on your front for me.”
 
Jared watched as Michael used the contents of the tube to coat his hard cock,
making it glisten in the dim light. He looked up at Michael warily, his eyes
wide and frightened.
 
“Will it hurt?” Jared asked, his voice catching in his throat as he sobbed
softly.
 
Michael sighed; he leaned over Jared and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
 
“I’m not going to lie to you, baby. Yes, it will hurt at first, but it will get
better, I promise,” Michael told him. “You just have to relax.”
 
Tentatively, Jared took a deep breath and rolled onto his front, just as
Michael had told him to. He gripped the end of the gym mat and waited, trying
desperately to control his breathing.
 
He felt Michael’s hands on his hips, pulling him up so he was on his knees, his
ass in the air. He felt a blunt pressure against his opening and sucked in a
deep breath.
 
“You ready, baby?” Michael asked.
 
“No,” Jared replied honestly.
 
Jared screamed.
 
Michael pushed into him with one quick thrust, going the whole way into his
body, burying himself to the hilt.
 
Jared’s insides cried out in agony as he was ripped in two. The pain was so
intense Jared was surprised he hadn’t passed out, in truth, he wished he had.
 
“It hurts,” Jared cried, trying to pull away from Michael. But Michael held him
firmly, not letting him get away. “Stop, please. Michael it hurts, I can’t,
please?”
 
Michael pulled out, and Jared felt his body sigh with relief, only to scream
again as Michael pushed back in, hard and full, his skin slapping against
Jared’s ass as he hit home.
 
“It’ll get better, baby. Just relax,” Michael growled, like he was talking
through gritted teeth.
 
Then he thrust again, forcing his way into Jared’s body as Jared wailed in
agony.
 
“I knew you’d be this tight,” Michael continued to speak behind him, pushed
faster into Jared’s tortured body. “Fucking beautiful.”
 
Jared cried, tears pooling into the mat below him. The pain wasn’t getting any
better. He kept waiting, because Michael had promised, it would only hurt at
first. But it wasn’t easing off, if anything it was getting worse.
 
“Michael, stop, please?” Jared begged as his ass was pounded into by a man who
was no longer listening to him. “It hurts, please, get off me? I can’t take any
more.”
 
Jared’s face hit the mat as his arms gave way beneath him. His legs held up
only by Michael’s arms as he linked them around to hoist Jared higher and yank
him against Michael’s groin, banging into him harder and faster.
 
Jared didn’t stop screaming, and Michael did nothing to silence him. The pain
cut through Jared’s insides like a lightening bolt, slicing him in two, over
and over and over again. A relentless blade stabbing him continuously, refusing
to give up until he was well and truly dead.
 
Jared had never experienced pain like it and if he had been in any frame of
mind to do so he would have been praying that he never would again.
 
With a burst of unknown energy, Jared tried to free himself. Kicking out with
his legs and clawing with his fingers.
 
Suddenly the pain stopped. Jared was flipped over by too strong hands so he was
on his back and then he could see Michael, towering over him, his eyes black
and leering.
 
Michael looped his arms under Jared’s legs and lifted him to meet his cock,
thrusting back inside and pounding him again, fast and hard, with no end in
sight and Jared screamed again.
 
“You wanna look at me do ya?” Michael snarled in Jared’s face. “Cause I wanna
look at you, baby boy. I wanna see your face as I fuck you.”
 
“Stop,” Jared begged, but his voice was barely audible. “Please?”
 
Michael leaned down and kissed Jared, forcing his tongue inside his mouth.
Jared didn’t kiss him back, he tried to turn his head away but Michael chased
his mouth and pressed so hard onto his that Jared couldn’t move away if he
tried.
 
Suddenly Michael growled loudly, he sat up slightly and grasped Jared’s legs
tighter. He thrust into Jared, impaling him over and over and Jared began to
scream again, his agony renewed by this new attack.
 
“Look at me,” Michael demanded. “You’ll fucking look at me, baby boy.”
 
Through tear drenched eye Jared peered up at Michael. He looked like a demon,
black eyed, a snarl on his lips and he was loving every single second of
Jared’s pain, of his anguish, if anything, he was thriving on it.
 
How could Jared have been so wrong? Sandy had been right all along. Michael
didn’t care about him. It was abuse, pure and simple, and this, right here and
now, was rape!
 
“Oh, baby boy, I’m never going to get enough of fucking you, you can believe
that,” Michael promised through his grunts. “You’ve got a lot more of this to
come so I hope you’re fucking enjoying it.”
 
This wasn’t making love. This was nothing like how Jared could ever imagine
making love could be like. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have
been so naïve? Why hadn’t he listened to his best friend when deep down he’d
known her to be right?
 
“Please don’t?” Jared tried one last time through his tears, his cries having
died with his heart. All those cracks that Michael had made in him when he’d
fucked his mouth now split open and Jared shattered. He stopped feeling.
Nothing but the pain penetrating his body remained as he was well and truly
fucked, and that was the only thing he could feel.
 
Michael yelled above him. Jared watched numbly as Michael’s body halted and
shuddered over him. He could feel warmth spreading inside his ass and then
Michael’s body fell over him, a heavy weight knocking the air from his lungs.
 
Jared lay there. Dead inside. His body a font of agony that he knew he would
feel again and again, just like each relentless thrust from Michael’s cock
raping his body.
 
“Wasn’t that good, baby boy?” Michael whispered in his ear.
 
“The pain didn’t go away,” Jared said numbly.
 
“You’ll get used to it,” Michael promised and Jared closed his eyes.
 
So this was to be his life now? Jared wished he’d die then and there!
 
 
***
 
 
Damn it! Jared was late. He was suppose to meet Sandy nearly half an hour ago
but he'd lost track of time in the library and now he was heading down the
school halls after hours, something he had been avoiding doing.
 
Jared had been avoiding Michael ever since they'd had sex - since Michael had
raped him - two weeks ago. He'd seen Michael in class but was always certain to
be one of the first ones out and didn't stop when Michael called him.
 
Whenever Michael had tried to arrange a meeting, Jared had made up some excuse
as to why he couldn't make it: his parents were expecting him home, he had an
assignment due, Sandy was waiting and would come looking if he didn't show,
doctors, dentist, anything he could think of.
 
After a week of avoidance, Michael had cornered Jared after class and basically
ordered him to meet him in his office. Jared had tried to get out of it but
Michael hadn't accepted an excuse.
 
Jared had almost gone, but after a quick conversation with Sandy, he'd decided
he wouldn't do it. He wasn't going to go through that again so he just hadn't
shown up.
 
After that, Michael hadn't been as nice. He'd asked ridiculously difficult
questions of Jared in class, most of which Jared didn't have a hope of knowing
the answers to, then Michael had teased him, saying how he obviously wasn't as
smart as everyone thought he was, causing everyone - bar Sandy - to laugh at
him.
 
As embarrassing as it was, Jared didn't care, as long as Michael couldn't get
his hands on him physically, Jared viewed his life as pretty good. He didn't
admit, not even to Sandy, how much he missed Michael, or at least the old
Michael, the kind, gentle and loving one. But Jared knew now that that Michael
only existed as a persuasion technique.
 
“Hey loser.”
 
Jared cringed. He hadn't heard that voice call him that for a long time.
Ignoring it, Jared quickened his pace.
 
“Hey fag. I'm fucking talking to you.”
 
Jared halted as two figures ahead of him closed the exit doors and stood
against them, leering at Jared as he looked for an alternative route. There was
none, so Jared reluctantly turned to face him. His other high school nightmare.
Jason.
 
“I don't like being ignored,” Jason snarled in Jared's face, praying spit over
Jared's skin.
 
“Yeah, well, maybe you should stop giving people a shower when you speak to
them,” Jared mumbled bravely, wiping his cheek dry.
 
He wasn't surprised when Jason's fist hit his face, but as soon as it
connected, Jared felt that old familiar fear creep over him. It had been so
long since he was last confronted with this situation, but now he was in it he
felt like it had been just yesterday when he was last dealing with it.
 
Holding the side of his face, Jared turned wary eyes to Jason. Why was he
suddenly starting this up again now, after so long?
 
“What do you want, Jason?” Jared asked, trying really hard to push his fears
down as far as they would go so Jason and his friends wouldn’t see them.
 
“Oh, I just wanted to say hello,” Jason said with a smirk as he slowly circled
Jared. “It’s been a long time; I thought we could catch up.”
 
“Catch up on what?” Jared asked but dreaded the answer.
 
“Well, we haven’t been able to chat since you’ve been such a teachers pet
recently,” Jason said as though explaining it to a child. “Been kinda hard to
get any of your time, but now, it seems you’re not quite so special anymore.”
 
“What’cha do to get in his bad books?” one of the other boys, Mark, asked.
 
“Confess your undying love or something?” the third boy, Reese quipped.
 
Jared flinched but tried to school his face as the words stung him, cutting so
very close to the truth it irritated the raw wounds.
 
“Oh, what’s this?” Jason caught on to the slight movement and ran with it.
“Jared have a little crush on the teacher? This is priceless.”
 
The three boys creased into laughter so Jared took the opportunity to try and
slip past them. He walked briskly, heading for the main exit, there were always
people around there and he would be safe.
 
Unfortunately, his brisk walk wasn’t brisk enough and he’d only taken a few
steps before he found himself slammed face first against the wall of lockers.
 
“I’m sorry. Did I say you could go?” Jason snarled in his ear as he pulled
Jared’s arm painfully behind him.
 
“Fuck off,” Jared said gruffly into the cold metal of the locker and tried to
break Jason’s grip on his arm, but Jason simply pulled it up harder and Jared
couldn’t help the cry of pain that escaped his lips.
 
“Didn’t your mother teach you to play nice with others?” Jason said harshly,
giving another tug on Jared’s arm to discourage any more struggling.
 
“She taught me not to give the time of day to assholes,” Jared hissed.
 
He knew he shouldn’t be answering back, he knew he should stay quiet and not
provoke them, but part of his mind knew it wouldn’t make any difference, they
were going to do what ever they wanted no matter what he said or did. Jared
just didn’t want them to know that deep down on the inside, he was shaking so
bad his bones were going to detach from each other.
 
“Yeah? Well maybe she should’ve taught you to show your betters some respect,
then you may’ve gotten off lightly,” Jason told him in a low, menacing voice
before kicking him the back of the knee and throwing him to the floor. “But now
you need to be taught a lesson, lets see how good you are at learning this
time.”
 
Jared scurried back away from his three bullies until his back hit a vending
machine. He tried to stand but as soon as he made the attempt he was forced
down again by a foot in the gut.
 
“You’ve been rude to me, Jared,” Jason told him while he watched Mark and Reese
lay into Jared with their feet. “I don’t like it when people are rude to me.”
 
Jared held his arms over his head to protect it from vicious feet attacking
him. Pain ripped through his stomach and chest and no matter how much he tried
to curl in on himself he couldn’t seem to escape the onslaught.
 
Jared wondered how long it would go on for, how bad it would be and what he
would tell his parents. Would anyone come to his rescue? He hated his heart for
crying out for Michael to be back, protecting him like he always promised he
would.
 
Suddenly, the attack stopped and Jared risked opening his eyes. Jason crouched
next to him, his face expressing sympathy but his eyes shone with excitement
and spite.
 
“Now, have you got something to say to me?” Jason asked gently, peering at
Jared and finding his eyes even though Jared’s sweaty, matted hair was covering
them.
 
“Fuck you,” Jared spat but his shaking voice was drenched in pain.
 
Jason smiled. “Wrong answer,” he said calmly before punching Jared in the face,
causing his head to collide with the hard floor. “Try again.”
 
“Fuck you, please?” Jared tried to laugh but ended up coughing and had to spit
some blood out of his mouth.
 
“You just never learn do you?” Jason sighed and punched him again. “I’m trying
to be nice,” another punch. “not that you deserve it.” Jason grabbed Jared by
the scruff of his shirt, pulled him to his feet and then shoved him against the
wall.
 
Jared’s head swam and he struggled to remain on his feet, having to use the
wall as support. He forced himself to meet eyes with Jason’s but he knew his
fear was showing through now, despite his brave—all be it shaky—words.
 
“So, let’s try this again, shall we?” Jason said, again spraying Jared’s face
with spit before kneeing him in the gut and then slamming his head back against
the wall. “You have something I wanna hear?”
 
Jared held his aching stomach, his face throbbed and his eyes filled with
water. He tried to blink his tears away but that only caused them to drip down
his face. He wanted to keep up his brave retorts, he wanted to spit in Jason’s
face and tell him to fuck off and leave him alone. Jared wished he had the
strength to fight back, to punch Jason in the jaw so hard he would have to eat
through a straw for a week. But he didn’t. Jared wasn’t that strong, wasn’t
that brave. With tears betraying his weakness, Jared couldn’t even force
himself to keep Jason’s gaze.
 
“I’m sorry,” Jared said weakly, giving in and accepting defeat. He couldn’t
stand up to these guys; he just didn’t have the strength. The sooner he gave
them what they wanted the sooner it would be over.
 
“Huh? I didn’t quite catch that,” Jason put his hand to his ear and leaned
closer to Jared.
 
“I’m sorry,” Jared said louder, choking on a sob. God, what have I been reduced
to? he thought, hating himself and wishing he could curl up somewhere safe.
 
“See, now I hear the words but I don’t think you mean them,” Jason said,
grabbing Jared behind the head and throwing him into the corridor.
 
Jared looked up, the corridor before him was empty, at the end he knew there
was another exit. Without looking back at the bullies, he staggered to his feet
and ran.
 
He could hear Jason calling after him; hear their feet chasing him down. He
knew that if they caught him it would all be over, no telling how far they
would go to punish him for running away.
 
Jared rounded the corner, surprised that they hadn’t caught him up yet, but
then he was halted by the sight of his escape, his exit, and the chains that
locked it shut, trapping him.
 
“Fuck,” Jared hissed, his body crying out in pain, begging for rest that Jared
couldn’t give, not yet.
 
“Oh, dear,” Jason called behind him. “That didn’t quite work out did it?”
 
Jared squeezed his eyes shut a moment, desperately trying to think of a way out
of this situation.
 
“Too bad your protector isn’t here to safe you,” Reese laughed.
 
Michael, Jared thought, his eyes scanned the corridor and came to rest on
Michael’s office, a light shone under the door and Jared knew Michael was
there. He’ll protect me.
 
Without a second thought Jared raced to the door and threw it open, falling
inside. His chest heaved, the pain making it hard to breathe. He struggled to
his feet and frantically searched the office.
 
Michael was there, sitting behind his desk looking up at Jared in surprise.
When he took in his bruises and the blood around his mouth his eyes darkened,
his jaw clenched and he stood so quickly his chair fell back against the wall
behind him.
 
“Jared, what the fu-”
 
Outside the door Jason and his buddies ran, screeching promises that this
wasn’t over and that Jared would get what was coming to him.
 
As soon as they were gone Jared broke down, his tears fell like crashing waves,
soaking his face in an instant shower, while his body was wracked with
convulsions. Then Michael was at his side, drawing him into his arms and
shushing him gently, telling him everything was okay and that he was safe now.
 
“I’m sorry,” Jared sobbed, clinging to Michael desperately. “I’m so sorry. I
should never have left you.”
 
“Are you back, baby? Have you come back to me?” Michael asked in a soothing
voice.
 
“Help me?” Jared begged, he could go through those beatings again, not after
all this time without them, anything was better than that; at least Michael was
nice to him most of the time.
 
“It’s not as easy as that, baby boy,” Michael told him sadly. “You can’t just
come running when you need me. It’s too painful to see you leave as soon as
you’re done with me, I can’t go through that again, Jared, I just can’t.”
 
Jared stilled at Michael’s words. What did he mean?
 
“I never meant to hurt you,” Jared told him, and in some weird way it was true,
he’d never done anything to intentionally hurt Michael, he loved him, but he
was also scared of the man who was capable of hurting him so badly.
 
“But you did, baby, you hurt me real bad,” Michael told him. “All I ever did
was love you, but it seems that wasn’t enough for you. And now here you are,
begging for my protection. Is that what you want, Jared? You want me to protect
you against them again?”
 
“Yes,” Jared said immediately, because right now all he wanted was to know that
Jason and his friends wouldn't be beating the crap out of him everyday.
“Please?”
 
“Alright, baby boy, I’ll protect you,” Michael said, pressing kisses into
Jared’s neck. “But one thing you have to learn, Jared, is that protection comes
at a price.”
 
Jared froze, the comfort of Michael’s arms beginning to feel more like a trap.
He didn’t say anything, didn’t dare comment.
 
“Would you like to know what that price is?” Michael asked expectantly. Jared
looked at him, absorbing his caring expression and wanting it to always be that
way.
 
“What do you want me to do?” Jared asked, he knew he was defeated, he knew this
was it, him finally giving in, but he didn’t feel like he had a choice. And who
knew, maybe this time it would be different, he wouldn’t piss Michael off, he
would have no reason to be harsh with him and everything would be okay, like it
used to be.
 
“I want the same thing I’ve always wanted, baby,” Michael said simply, as
though it should be obvious. “I just want your love… and for you to show that
love to me. Can you do that, baby boy? Can you show me that you love me?”
 
“I do love you,” Jared said honestly. Even after everything that had happened,
he had never stopped loving Michael, at least in some way, the kind, loving
Michael who had been so tender and nurturing.
 
“And are you willing to prove that to me?” Michael asked gently, his hand
running over Jared’s cheek, wiping away his tears and turning his head to face
him.
 
They met eyes, Michael’s kind blue orbs gazing down at Jared and Jared found
himself nodding.
 
“I’ll do anything,” Jared whispered. His eyes fell shut as Michael moved down
to kiss him, he opened his mouth and let Michael inside, let his tongue taste
what it hadn’t had in so long.
 
“Just let me close the door, baby,” Michael said gently, pulling Jared to his
feet as he went. Jared shifted from one foot to the other, his hand still
wrapped protectively over his pained chest. Michael closed and locked the door,
the click of the lock sounding like a sentence to Jared, but one that he’d
asked for so he couldn’t exactly complain about it.
 
Michael advanced on Jared, and Jared found himself backing up against Michael’s
desk. Michael stopped in front of him, raising a hand to his face.
 
“Look at what they did to you, baby,” Michael said as he ran his fingers over
the bruises coming up over Jared’s face. “The really did a number on you this
time, huh?” Jared simply nodded, trying to quench the tears that begged to fall
from his eyes.
 
“Don’t worry, I’m going to make you forget all about them,” Michael promised as
he leaned down to kiss Jared deeply. Jared knew better than to shy away from
Michael’s kisses, so he pushed up into it, opening his mouth to Michael and
letting him inside to do as he pleased.
 
Suddenly, Michael grabbed Jared around the waist, pulling his close and Jared
cried out as pain shot through his chest.
 
“Michael, that hurts,” he protested in a pained voice but Michael didn’t
release his hold.
 
“You can’t expect me to hold back now, baby. Not after all this time,” Michael
told him, plastering his face and neck with hard relentless kisses. “You have
no idea how much I’ve missed you, Jared. I was about ready to break down your
front door and drag you home with me just to be with you again.”
 
Michael’s kisses didn’t stop and even though his hold on Jared hurt, Jared
didn’t stop him, how could he? As Michael’s hands began to wander, pulling
Jared’s shirt up over his head, pulling on Jared ass to grind their hips
together, Jared just let it happen. He tipped his head to the side so Michael
had a clear access to his throat and neck, which Michael accepted immediately,
nipping and kissing and licking over every vacant expanse of skin available.
 
“God, baby, do you have any idea how much I want you?” Michael growled against
Jared’s skin, his hands working on releasing Jared from his jeans. “I need you
baby boy, right here, right now.”
 
Michael tore his own shirt over his head, leaving his impressive chest bare,
pushing it against Jared’s, skin on skin. He went to crash their lips together
again but Jared turned his mouth away.
 
“Michael,” Jared whined, praying Michael didn’t see what he was about to say as
a rejection. “Michael, I’m really hurt. I can’t do this right now.” He looked
down at his chest, where deep red marks were soon going to turn into dark
purple bruises. Michael followed Jared gaze, taking in Jared’s injuries.
 
Michael ran a gentle hand over Jared’s chest, his eyes tracing every bruise,
every sore and Jared’s heart lifted that Michael would give him a reprieve, at
least for today. But when Michael raised his eyes to Jared’s, Jared knew he’d
been wrong.
 
“You don’t seem to understand the concept of price, baby boy. I’ve given you
what you wanted, I’ve protected you from those that would do this to you,” his
hands continued to track along every one of Jared’s up and coming bruises. “And
now it’s your turn to pay the price. Nothing in this life comes for free,
Jared, nothing. And all I’m asking for is your love. You do love me, don’t
you?”
 
“Yes,” Jared said immediately. “Of course I love you, I never stopped loving
you,” Jared told him.
 
“And, now you have to prove that to me,” Michael said simply. “That’s how it
works, baby.”
 
Michael’s hands when to Jared’s jeans, working them open and pushing them down
Jared’s legs along with Jared’s boxers.
 
“Are you ready?” Michael asked, but he didn’t wait for a reply before he spun
Jared around and pushed him over so that he was bent over his desk. He shoved
two fingers up his exposed ass and quickly worked them around to open Jared up.
 
“Michael?” Jared sobbed, trying to keep his voice strong even though he was
close to breaking down.
 
“What is it, baby?” Michael asked softly, pressing kisses into the back of
Jared’s neck while his fingers pulled out of his body and his dick replaced
them, pressing at the entrance.
 
“Please don’t hurt me again?” Jared begged, his entire being shaking at the
feel of Michael’s imminent intrusion.
 
“Shhh,” Michael soothed, pressing gently into Jared body, just breaching the
entrance. “Love hurts, baby boy.”
 
With that Michael slammed himself home and Jared screamed, realising what a
stupid mistake he’d just made. He’d played right into Michael’s waiting hands.
And now there was no escape.
***** Chapter 16 *****
Part 16
 
“Do you want me to stay with you?” Jensen asked quietly, as Jared stared numbly
at the phone in his hand.
 
“Um, yeah. I think I could use your support,” Jared took Jensen’s hand and
smiled nervously. Sandy had spoken to her folks and confirmed that Jared’s
parents still lived in the same place. Jared’s fingers shook as he dialled the
number, his body trembled, and a cold sweat broke out over his skin. Just as it
started ringing, Jared shook his head; it was spinning so badly he thought he
would fall.
 
“I can’t do it,” he sobbed; Jensen steadied his hand, preventing him from
hanging up.
 
“Yes you can. I’m right here,” Jensen told him, his hand firm yet gentle on
Jared’s.
 
“But what if my dad—” The phone clicked, and a female voice answered.
 
Jared looked at Jensen, eyes wide in shock, frozen in fear. Jensen nodded
reassuringly at the phone. Taking a shaky breath, Jared tentatively pressed the
phone to his ear and listened to the woman asking who was there. Tears welled
in his eyes, and he felt Jensen’s hand squeezing his, but he couldn’t see him,
all he could see was the beautiful face that went with the soft voice of Sherri
Padalecki. Jared’s mom.
 
“Either say something, or I’m hanging up,” Sherri said a bit more tersely.
 
“Ma?” Jared said shakily, his voice barely audible.
 
There was silence for a moment; Jared thought maybe she’d gone. His body swam
with emotion at the thought that she’d hung up on him, because he knew he’d
never get up the nerve to dial the number again. Part of him was washed with a
deep relief; he wouldn’t have to go through with it, but the bigger part of him
sank into depression, he’d missed his chance and an aching fear that now he’d
never know stabbed at his heart.
 
“Jared?” the voice on the other end suddenly asked breathlessly. “Jared, baby.
Is that you?”
 
“Yeah ma; it’s me. It’s Jared,” he found himself saying, a terrifying joy
swelling in his chest.
 
“Oh my God; oh my God. I thought you were dead. I thought you’d been laying in
a street somewhere all those years ago.” She cried, distraught.
 
“I’m alive, ma,” Jared told her, wiping the tears from his eyes.
 
“Are you alright? Are you sick? Are you in trouble? Do you need money?” she
rambled desperately.
 
“No ma, I’m fine. I don’t need anything.” Jared assured her.
 
“God, Jared. Where have you been all this time? Do you know how worried we’ve
been about you?” her anger started to come out now, and Jared flinched
slightly.
 
“I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve spoken to you before I left but—I-I just
couldn’t,” Jared told her, his voice cracking as he spoke, practically begging
her forgiveness with his tone.
 
“You could have. You could always speak to me, you know that,” she scolded him.
“Just tell me why, why did you leave?”
 
“Wait. What did dad tell you?” Jared frowned. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know
the answer.
 
“Tell me? How could your father tell me anything? You left without a word to
anyone,” Sherri said incredulously. “Not even Sandy knew where you’d
disappeared to. Your father and I just came home to find things broken and you
gone. You didn’t take any of your clothes, you didn’t leave a note, you just
ceased to exist. I thought maybe you’d been kidnapped.” She was beginning to
get a little hysterical as she reeled off her memories of that day.
 
“Ma, Dad was the one who told me to leave; he wouldn’t let me talk to you,”
Jared blurted. He wasn’t really surprised his dad hadn’t said anything; Jared
definitely hadn’t expected him to tell her the truth.
 
“That’s ridiculous,” she said hotly. “Your father would never do such a thing,
and that certainly doesn’t explain why you ran out without any of your clothes,
why you never called all this time even just to let me know you were alright,
how my china cabinet got broken—”
 
“Because he threw me into it,” Jared cried, hot tears staining his cheeks. He
could still feel the phantom pain in his head where it had stuck the glass of
the cabinet, shattering the contents.
 
“Don’t lie, Jared. Why would he do something like that?” Sherri gasped,
sounding upset that Jared would accuse her husband of something so insane.
 
“Because he found out I’m gay,” Jared shouted. Then he gasped, staring into
Jensen’s eyes in horror. He felt sick. His heart was beating too fast and his
stomach started to throb under his stitches.
 
His mom was silent, and that only made Jared feel worse. She hated him; she was
going to hang up and never want to hear from him again.
 
“Oh Jared. Tell me that isn’t true?” Sherri said brokenly.
 
“I’m sorry, ma, it’s not something I can change,” Jared sobbed, his heart
breaking. Jensen moved behind him and circled his arms around Jared’s waist,
letting him deflate against him.
 
“Oh baby. I’m so sorry,” Sherri wept, all heat gone from her voice making her
sound impossibly young. “You should’ve told me, not your father. No wonder you
ran away.”
 
“I didn’t know he was going to react like that,” Jared confessed, leaning his
head back against Jensen’s shoulder, taking strength from his presence. “He
just went mad, ma, he said some awful things to me.”
 
“Jared, listen to me. There’s something you have to understand. The way your
grandparents raised your father, being—gay—it just wasn’t acceptable. He was
taught that it was wrong, an abomination,” she explained. “I don’t think that
way so I never allowed him to teach it to you. I didn’t want you growing up
with that sort of influence on you beliefs.”
 
“That’s why dad didn’t want me to talk to you, because you’d take my side?”
Jared said quietly, finally understanding.
 
“I think that’s very likely honey,” his mom agreed. “Listen, it’s okay. Come
home, I’ll talk to your father, I’ll make him see sense.”
 
“No, no ma, I can’t,” Jared refused, physically shaking his head and standing
up a little straighter. How could he go home? How could he face his father
again after all this time and everything that was said and done? Fear spiked
through him at the thought.
 
“Please Jared, it’s been so long and I’ve missed you so much. Please, I need to
see you, otherwise I’m going to think this was all a dream, please baby,
please?” she begged and Jared could hear her crying. All fight deflated out of
him, his shoulders sagged and his heart broke at the desperation in his mom’s
voice. He’d hurt her so much already, there was no way he could do it again.
 
“Okay ma,” Jared whispered, letting his tears fall freely. “Okay, I’ll come.
But I want to bring someone with me.” Jared turning to look at Jensen, silently
asking the question with his eyes.
 
“Of course,” Jensen whispered, kissing his jaw and holding him tightly.
“Anything you need, Jay.”
 
“Who?” Sherri asked, interested confusion colouring her voice.
 
“My boyfriend,” Jared stated boldly, determined to not be ashamed of what he
had with Jensen. Jensen held him that little bit tighter and Jared knew he was
smiling.
 
“You have a boyfriend?” she asked, sounding surprised.
 
“He’s really great, ma, you’ll like him a lot,” Jared smiled, looking back at a
blushing Jensen. His mom was quiet for a moment.
 
“Is he good to you?” she asked in such a motherly way Jared had to force
himself not to laugh.
 
“If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be talking to you right now,” Jared told her
truthfully.
 
“In that case I’d be upset of you didn’t bring him, I want to give this boy a
hug,” Sherri said sounding happier than she had since the phone call started.
“When can you come?”
 
“Oh, um, I’ll have to see about how to travel, I’m not sure—” Jared was stopped
by a hand on his cheek; looking to Jensen with a questioning frown.
 
“I have a car, I can drive us there,” Jensen told him quietly.
 
“Since when?” Jared asked surprised. How did he not know about this?
 
“Since always, I just don’t use it much,” Jensen told him with a chuckle.
 
“Okay. When do you want to go?” Jared asked him.
 
“How quickly can you pack?” Jensen grinned and Jared’s heart lifted.
 
“We’ll be there in a few of days,” Jared said, a wide smile forming on his
lips. He was going to see his mom again, his mom wanted to see him.
 
***
 
As they pulled into the familiar street, Jared’s heart clenched. He shrank as
small as he could in his seat, wincing when he pulled a little on his stitches.
 
“It’s going to be fine,” Sandy told him from the back seat of Jensen’s Impala.
 
“Thanks for coming, Sand,” Jared said, taking her hand as she rested it on his
shoulder.
 
“Will you stop thanking me already? Anyway, who am I to turn down a free trip
to see my folks, they went crazy when I told them I was coming,” Sandy said
with a grin in her voice.
 
“You sure you don’t want me to drop you off first?” Jensen asked from the
driver’s seat.
 
“Nah, I can walk from Jared’s place, it’s not far,” Sandy said but Jared knew
that she just wanted to be there for him during his reunion. His dad was going
to be there and Jared didn’t know if he was ready to see him again, yet.
 
“Okay, we’re here,” Jensen announced, pulling the car over.
 
Jared froze. He stared up at his childhood home with wide, terrified eyes. His
mind was flooded with memories: playing ball with his dad in the backyard,
cooking with his mom in the kitchen, he and Sandy sprawled in front of the TV
while Jared studied and Sandy rolled her eyes at him. All happy, innocent
memories that crashed into oblivion when overtaken by recollections of the
times Jared would sneak into the house and make it upstairs and into the
bathroom to soak his sore, aching body; of pretending he was studying because
his throat was too hoarse to speak after being fucked too hard and he’d used
the excuse of a sore throat too many times already; and of Sandy trying to
convince him to tell his parents what was happening, that they could help, and
his mom walking in on them asking what they could help with, and Jared quickly
making excuses that he needed help with his school work, and his mom laughing
and telling him that he was way smarter than her and that he should ask his
teacher for assistance, maybe that nice Mr. Weatherly who took such an interest
in Jared’s education. And then finally the memory of running out that front
door, covered in blood, terrified and alone, exiled by his own flesh and blood
for being something he didn’t really understand.
 
“Hey.” Jared was snapped out of his thoughts by Jensen’s gentle call and a hand
on his knee. “You okay?”
 
Jared turned watery eyes to Jensen, taking in his concerned look.
 
“What?” Jared mumbled.
 
“You spaced out a little, sweetie,” Sandy said softly from behind him.
 
“Sorry, it’s just…” Jared frowned. “It’s just… a lot.”
 
“I know, but you’re not alone, you know that, right?” Jensen assured him,
squeezing Jared’s knee. He caught Jared’s eye before leaning in to place a soft
kiss on the corner of his mouth.
 
“I know,” Jared said quietly, taking an enormous breath and letting it out
slowly. “Let’s go.”
 
They all piled out and Jensen took one of Jared’s hands while Sandy took the
other. They stared at the house and Jared knew he was shaking.
 
“I don’t think I can do this,” Jared whispered, taking a step back before
receiving reassuring squeezes on both hands.
 
They didn’t have time to think or act because the front door was suddenly flung
open. Jared flinched and had to resist the strong urge to turn and bolt,
drawing strength from the supportive grasps of his best friend and his
boyfriend on his hands.
 
Then Sherri Padalecki came bursting out the door, down the path through her
perfectly manicured lawn and threw herself at Jared, wrapping him in her arms
tightly. Jared immediately winced and tried to push her away.
 
“Ma, ma, careful,” Jared hissed and yelped in pain.
 
Sherri pulled back quickly and eyed him up and down cautiously.
 
“What’s wrong?” she asked, her voice sharp but softened by the concern
drenching it.
 
“I just got a few stitches is all,” Jared told her, holding a protective hand
to his stomach.
 
“My God, I knew you weren’t alright,” Sherri said in horror, pulling up Jared’s
shirt to reveal his patched over stitches.
 
“No ma, I’m fine,” Jared insisted, gently brushing her hands away before she
started searching for more—non-existent—injuries.
 
“He got hurt saving me, Mrs Padalecki,” Sandy said sheepishly. “I was… attacked
and he saved me.” Sandy took Jared’s arm and smiled up at him proudly, Jared
promptly flushed.
 
“Sandy?” Mrs Padalecki stared as if noticing Sandy there for the first time.
Then realisation swept over her face before quickly being replaced by mild
hurt. “You knew, all this time? You knew where he was?”
 
“I moved to Seattle to be with him,” Sandy confirmed but held her head high,
refusing to admit to any wrong doing.
 
“And before you say anything, ma, I made her swear she would never tell a soul
where I’d gone,” Jared added quickly and firmly. “She was just being the best
friend she’s always been, I owe her a lot… and so do you.”
 
Sherri eyed Sandy. She looked as though she wanted to stay angry at being
betrayed but there was a fondness in her eyes and slowly, Sherri smiled.
 
“You always were a good friend,” Sherri said softly before engulfing Sandy in a
close hug. “Thank you for looking after my baby,” she whispered in Sandy’s ear.
 
Jared watched then hug, a smile pulling on his lips. It had never occurred to
him that his mom may have been mad at Sandy for lying to them and not giving
away his location, but his mom was a smart woman and he could tell she knew
that Sandy had just been protecting him. After what his father had done, that
could never be considered a bad thing.
 
“Uh, ma?” Jared called nervously and waited for Sherri to release Sandy and
focus her attention back on him. “Where’s dad?” Part of him prayed his father
wasn’t there, that he wasn’t going to have to see him again, or at least not
yet, but the other part of him was sickened with disappointment that he hadn’t
coming running out with his mom to greet him home.
 
“I asked him to stay inside, I didn’t want… Well, I was worried that…” Sherri
trailed off and looked apologetically at her son.
 
“You thought I’d run if I saw him,” Jared said understandingly.
 
“I’m sorry, honey,” Sherri said and her entire being emanated how true that
was, in so many different ways. “I just had to make sure I got to see you.”
 
“That’s okay, ma. You were probably right,” Jared said and sent his mom an
understanding smile.
 
“Right, well, come inside all of you. You must exhausted,” Sherri said, shaking
off the morbid moment.
 
“Wait, ma,” Jared stopped her. “I want you to meet someone first.” Sherri
stopped and finally looked to Jensen.
 
“Ah yes, I’m sorry, I got a little carried away,” she said sheepishly.
 
“Ma, this is Jensen, my boyfriend,” Jared said, taking and squeezing Jensen’s
hand, pulling him forward slightly.
 
“Well, it is certainly a pleasure to meet you, Jensen,” Sherri said, she eyed
him up and down, her eyes squinting slightly. “You don’t have any stitches do
you?”
 
“Um, no, I—” Suddenly she pulled Jensen in for a hug. Jensen just smiled and
went with it while Jared stared open mouthed at the sight. He’d known his mom
wouldn’t hate Jensen, but to openly hug him like that when they’ve only just
met, well it was a sight to see.
 
“Thank you for bringing my boy home to me,” Sherri said, a choke in her words
betraying the emotion she was feeling and Jared found his eyes prickling.
 
“He made the decision all by himself, ma’am. I just nudged him along a little,”
Jensen said honestly, still grinning when Sherri eventually let him go.
 
Sherri took a moment to compose herself before she cleared her throat and spoke
again. “Right well, dinner’s all prepared for you, bring your bags in. Jared
you’re room’s still your room, we—we didn’t touch anything. But I’ve cleaned
and dusted it, and there’re clean sheets on the bed for you and Jensen. Sandy,
I assume you’ll be staying with your parents?” Sherri moved seamlessly into the
role of mom, not showing any sign of being out of practice after all those
years.
 
“Yes ma’am,” Sandy grinned while Jensen and Jared stood with open mouths at
being told they could share a bed.
 
Sherri turned and headed back inside, disappearing through the door in seconds.
Jared just stared at her in awe, his heart pounding at the announcement and yet
an icy fear crept through his body. What would his dad think about him and
Jensen in the same bed under his roof? Does he even know about it? Jared’s body
started to shake again as his mind ran through the argument he was bound to
have with his dad on the subject.
 
Slowly, Jensen’s arm slipped around Jared’s waist and pulled Jared against his
side.
 
“We don’t have to share a bed if you’re uncomfortable,” Jensen whispered
against his cheek. “I can sleep on the floor or the sofa and hey, if we need to
we can always go and get a hotel room, what ever you want, Jay, okay?”
 
Jared turned his head and looked at Jensen, seeing his green eyes shine with
acceptance at what ever Jared wanted, Jared felt in awe of the man, his
boyfriend.
 
“Can we just see how it goes?” Jared asked quietly and Jensen just smiled and
nodded.
 
“You ready?” Sandy interrupted their moment with a soft call, Jared turned to
her to see that she’d taken their bags out of the car and they were currently
piled up at her feet. “’Cause I’m not carrying these all in for you.”
 
“But I’m injured,” Jared protested playfully and received a gentle punch in the
arm from her.
 
“Come on,” Sandy called as she grabbed a bag and headed inside. Jared still
held back for a second.
 
“You ready?” Jensen asked softly.
 
“No,” Jared whispered. “No, not at all.”
 
Jensen slipped his hand into Jared’s and just held it for a second. Jared
closed his eyes and breathed for a moment, then he nodded to Jensen and they
took the remaining bags and headed inside.
 
They stopped just inside the door and Jared just drunk in the sight he hadn’t
seen in over four years. It was so much the same and yet everything was
different. Jared knew he was taller than when he left but he felt so small, the
walls rising above his head and dwarfing him.
 
“Why don’t you boys take you bags upstairs,” Sherri suggested, appearing in
front of them and causing Jared to start slightly.
 
“Yes ma’am,” Jensen said and tugged Jared’s hand, forcing his feet to remember
how to move.
 
Jared paused at the bottom of the stairs, remembering the last time he’d been
there, pinned by his father, his words echoing in his head.
 
“You can do this,” Jensen murmured in his ear. “You’re not alone.”
 
Nodding, Jared forced himself past that point on the stairs and led Jensen up
to his old room. As his mom had said, nothing had changed since he was
seventeen. His shelves were full of books, the pages full of his old dreams and
wants now held his failures, every word from another lifetime.
 
His large bed was made; he remembered his dad making such a fuss about having
to buy a new one because Jared just kept growing and his feet had started
hanging off the end of his old one.
 
Jared slowly walked around the room, running his hands over old school books, a
sadness hung over every touch. There was a photo of him and Sandy laughing
together, back in happier times, before Michael. Jared had often thought of
that photo in his first year in Seattle alone, he’d wished he’d been able to
take it with him, to be able to hold something good in his hands to ward off
the nightmares.
 
“Are you okay?” Jensen asked, coming up behind Jared and slipping his arms
around his waist, pressing a soft kiss to Jared’s neck.
 
“Yeah, I think so, it’s a little weird, you know?” Jared leaned back against
him, closing his eyes to the warmth that radiated off Jensen. “I’m just so
nervous about seeing my dad again,” Jared confessed.
 
“I can understand that,” Jensen told him holding him a little tighter. “I bet
he’s nervous about seeing you, too.”
 
“What if he’s still angry, Jen? What if he still hates me?” Jared tried to hold
back the sob that threatened to break loose but he knew Jensen felt it shudder
through his body. “What if he…” Tries to hurt me again?
 
Jensen moved to stand in front of Jared, taking his face in his hands. Jared
met his eyes and saw strength and determination in them.
 
“He’s never going to hurt you again, you hear me?” Jensen told him firmly. “I
won’t allow it and your mom won’t either.” Jensen kissed him, soft and calming,
holding his face tight against his own. Jared let himself get lost in the kiss,
opening his mouth to Jensen, a request for him to take things off his mind for
a moment.
 
“I’m so glad you’re here,” Jared admitted after the kiss broke. He ran a hand
over Jensen’s cheek to hold his strong jaw in his hand. “When I’m with you I
feel like I can do anything.”
 
“That’s because you can,” Jensen grinned. This time Jared initiated the kiss,
pulling Jensen against him, while being mindful of his stitches. Jensen went
willingly, opening his mouth for Jared’s tongue and letting him take what he
needed.
 
Jensen’s fingers dug into Jared’s biceps as the kiss deepened and became more
intense, he moaned into Jared’s mouth, pulling away only for a second to gasp
for air before Jared grabbed him by the back of the head and dragged him back
to his lips.
 
A jolt of want coursed through Jared as he kissed Jensen hungrily, he imagined
himself pushing Jensen back, onto the bed, towering over him and stripping his
beautiful body naked. Jared forced himself to pull away, this was his parent’s
house and somewhere in it his father was waiting to ‘greet’ him home.
 
“Jesus, Jay,” Jensen panted against his wet lips. “Do you have any idea what
you do to me?”
 
“I’m sorry,” Jared panted back, slowly drawing himself away. “I just got…”
 
Jensen smiled and took Jared’s hand. “You are allowed to let go every now and
then, and you never have to apologise to me for it,” he said softly. “But—now
probably isn’t the time—or place.”
 
Jensen smirked a little and Jared couldn’t help the grin that broke on his
face.
 
“You drive me crazy, you know that?” Jared pressed one more kiss to Jensen’s
lips. Then he let his smile fall and took a breath.
 
“Guess it’s time to face the rest of the day,” he sighed, nodding to himself
slowly.
 
***
 
They headed down stairs to where Sandy was helping Sherri in the kitchen, when
they walked in they were greeted with a wide smile from Sherri who bustled over
giving Jared a kiss on the cheek.
 
“You’re too skinny, have you been eating properly?” she said with a wink at
Jensen, who laughed with her, while Jared rolled his eyes.
 
“Are you kidding, this guy eats twice as much as me,” Jensen said, slinging an
arm around Jared’s neck and tugging him closer. Jared flushed and pocked Jensen
in the ribs.
 
“Yeah, never offer to pick up the tab after him cause you’ll need a second
mortgage to do it,” Sandy piped up, chuckling and Jared sent her an evil glare
that clearly said ‘traitor.’
 
“Oh, come on guys, I’m not that bad,” Jared whined, but inside he was elated.
His mom was smiling and laughing with them, her eyes shone with happiness, but
she barely took them off Jared, as if she were afraid that if she looked away
he would disappear again.
 
“Oh yes you are,” Sandy and Jensen said together.
 
This started a heated but playful argument about how much junk Sandy ate and
how Jensen had managed to burn bacon while cooking breakfast that one time.
 
“Hey, that was totally your fault,” Jensen reminded him, stepping closer and
placing a hand on Jared’s hip, grinning at him happily. Jared grinned right
back; he felt at home in that kitchen, it was perfect.
 
“How was that my fault?” Jared exclaimed.
 
“You distracted me,” Jensen said slyly, biting his lips and looking up at Jared
through his thick, long lashes.
 
“Oh, yeah,” Jared replied, gripping Jensen’s waist. “I remember now.”
 
Jared leapt away from Jensen when the sound of someone clearing their throat
came from the doorway. The laughter stopped, all smiles fell and the tension in
the air suddenly thickened, even Sherri looked uncomfortable.
 
They all turned to the doorway and were met by a tall, serious looking man.
 
“Dad,” Jared gasped. He unconsciously took a step back and reached to grip
tightly to Jensen’s hand, his heart thundering in his chest. He’d just seen
that, seem me getting close to Jensen like that, oh God. Jared’s mind started
to panic, not even noticing the contradiction between his fears and his actions
as he clenched Jensen’s hand.
 
“Jared,” Jerry nodded. He didn’t look happy but there was something in his eyes
that Jared couldn’t place.
 
“I-it’s good to s-see you,” Jared ventured nervously and his dad nodded
slightly.
 
“I’m glad to know you’re alright,” Jerry said flatly and Jared wasn’t convinced
he was telling the truth. “But let’s try to act like adults shall we?”
 
Jerry fixed his piercing gaze on Jensen, as though considering him and not
liking what he was seeing.
 
“Dad, this is Jensen…” Jared took a deep breath and tightened his death grip on
Jensen’s hand. “My boyfriend.”
 
Jerry’s jaw twitched and Jared swallowed hard, trying to get the bile in his
throat back down before he choked on it.
 
“So I see,” Jerry said finally, he took a step towards Jensen, still staring at
him. “Sherri tells me it’s you we have to thank for bringing Jared home to us.”
 
Jared flicked his glance to Jensen and felt pride swell in his chest at the
level gaze Jensen kept with Jerry, although he could see the contempt Jensen
felt for the man burning in his eyes.
 
“I played my part,” Jensen said evenly.
 
“And so he brought you home too,” Jerry said, almost snarling.
 
“I was invited, and after I’d heard what a kind and accepting person your wife
was, how could I refuse?” Jensen smirked at the flare of anger in Jerry’s
features before he added, “You’re a lucky man, she’s amazing. I can see where
Jared gets it from.”
 
“Oh yes, I was truly blessed,” Jerry snapped, looking sharply at Jared, his
tone leaving no doubt that he didn’t find Jared a blessing at all, quite the
opposite.
 
“Well, thank you, dear,” Sherri swept in to defuse the situation and Jared
self-consciously stepped closer to Jensen until his father’s eyes left him.
“Boys, do you think you could help Sandra set the table?”
 
Jared scrambled, grasping onto the excuse to get away from this conversation
and practically dragged Jensen into the dinning room with him.
 
“God, Jared, I’m sorry,” Jensen began, squeezing his eyes shut in remorse. “I
shouldn’t have spoken to your dad like that, it was just the way he looked at
you, it made me so mad that I—”
 
“Thank you,” Jared whispered so softly he wasn’t sure Jensen heard it at first,
but he stopped his ranting apology and stared at him. “I can’t believe you
stood up for me like that, for us.”
 
“So, you’re not mad?”
 
“Mad? Did you see his face?” Jared barked out a laugh. “I don’t think anyone,
other than his folks and mom have ever put him in his place like that before,
it was awesome.”
 
Jared’s face dropped a little, and even though he tried to keep his smile on
for Jensen it failed him rapidly.
 
“Hey,” Jensen called and pulled him closer.
 
“He really does hate me, doesn’t he?” Jared said brokenly, remembering the
sharp glare of his father’s eyes. “It was a mistake to come here.”
 
“Don’t think that, not for one second,” Jensen told him sharply. “Have you seen
the joy on your mom’s face? I get the feeling she hasn’t been this happy in
years.”
 
Jared felt a tear escape from his eye and quickly buried his face in Jensen’s
shoulder, even though he was sure it hadn’t gone unnoticed.
 
***
 
Dinner started with a flourish. Jensen and Jared gave a demonstration of a
little routine they’d developed using Jerry’s spirit bottles, while the man
cringed every time they went into the air but watched with a stony face while
Sandy and Sherri cheered them on happily.
 
It wasn’t long before Jared winced and held a hand to his stomach. Jensen
caught on to this movement straight away and insisted Jared sit down, helping
him into his chair and asking if he’d pulled any stitches, causing Jared to
tell him to stop worrying, that he was fine.
 
Sherri demanded to know what Jared had been doing and Jared told her about
Tom’s and the plans to renovate it.
 
“And you’ll be doing all that, behind the bar?” she asked, waving her hands
about in imitation of them and Jared nodded as they all sat down at a table
overflowing with food. Jensen took a seat next to Jared, much to Jared’s
relief; Sandy sat opposite him with Sherri and Jerry taking up their places at
either end. Jared shifted a little uncomfortably as Jerry took the end of the
table next to Jared.
 
“Jared’s picked it up really well, he’s very talented,” Jensen told her, pride
dripping from every word.
 
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Jared said sheepishly.
 
“So, Jensen…” Jerry trailed off and waited for a last name to be supplied.
 
“Ackles,” Jensen said, smiling tightly.
 
“Ackles,” Jerry repeated carefully, like he was dissecting the name for
diseases. “This is what you do, is it? You teach people to throw bottles in the
air to entertain the drunk? This is how you make a living?”
 
“Dad,” Jared pleaded, he really didn’t want to embarrass Jensen, but he was
ignored other than Jensen’s reassuring hand on his thigh.
 
“It is part of how I earn my income, yes,” Jensen said, completely unfazed by
the implication that his job wasn’t good enough for the likes of Jerry
Padalecki. “But really I do it mostly for fun, and because I enjoy it.”
 
“Jensen, you don’t have to explain yourself—” Jared tried but was shot down.
 
“It’s okay, Jay,” Jensen smiled widely. “It’s only fitting that a father would
want to know the quality of the people his son is around, I would feel the same
in his position. As it is, Mr Padalecki, mainly I own and run four profitable
businesses, while they are all licensed establishments, they are all very
different.”
 
Jared’s mouth fell open. Jensen had said that the Lithe wasn’t the only club he
owned but Jared hadn’t even considered it was that many.
 
Why didn’t he tell me about this? Okay, so there wereother things going on.
 
Jared looked over at Jensen and caught his eye. Although on the outside Jensen
was collected and cool, from his close distance Jared could make out the slight
flush of Jensen’s cheeks and he knew that Jensen found it embarrassing. He
liked to be known for being him, not for being the guy who owns such and such.
 
A flicker of worry flashed through Jensen’s eyes as he looked at Jared. Jared
smiled widely and put his hand over Jensen’s where it still rested in his thigh
under the table.
 
“Quite the business man,” he said proudly, grinning wider when he saw Jensen
relax a little now he knew Jared wasn’t mad for not telling him.
 
“So, what’s the difference in the bars?” Jerry interrupted their moment
gruffly.
 
“Well,” Jensen started, keeping his voice steady. Jared thought it must be the
voice he’d put on to talk to other business people. “The Lithe is where all the
bartenders have been trained in flair bartending; we have live bands some
nights so it’s what I like to think of as my entertainment bar. Then I have
members only club, which consist mainly of businessmen, bankers, lawyers, that
sort of thing. I co-own a sports bar with a good friend of mine Michael
Rosenbaum—”
 
“You know Mike?” Jared interrupted. “Wait, of course you know Mike, he was the
one who gave us the number for your class. I didn’t know you were in business
together.”
 
“Well, I don’t really have much to do with that place anymore, it’s more his
than mine. I was actually thinking of selling my half to him, we joke about it
all the time, he does all the hard work and I reap the benefits.” Jensen
chuckled and opened his mouth to continue but Jerry butted in.
 
“So you didn’t know about any of this Jared?” Jared shook his head tentatively,
not liking where this was undoubtedly going. “And this is what you call a
healthy relationship? How many other things do you not know about each other I
wonder?”
 
“I don’t flaunt my wealth, Mr Padalecki,” Jensen said hotly. “And there were
more important things that came first.”
 
“I’m sure there are a lot of things Jensen doesn’t know about me,” Jared added.
“We’re still getting to know each other and I’d much rather know about Jensen
as a person than his material things.”
 
“So, you barely know each other and yet you feel it appropriate to bring him
home to meet your parents?” Jerry glared at Jared and Jared felt a flare of
anger rise up inside him, pushing aside the fear that had been trembling under
the surface since he’d arrived.
 
“Well maybe I figured I could do with the support,” he blurted, almost
immediately wanting to slap his hand over his mouth, and yet he continued to
speak. “If you don’t want me here, dad, why don’t you just say so, kick me out,
again?”
 
“I never asked for you to come back and let filth into my home,” Jerry replied
just as heatedly, bolting up to stand and knocking his chair on the floor at
the same time.
 
“No, you didn’t,” Sherri said quietly, everyone fell silent and turned to look
at the women’s watery eyes and distraught face. “You took my son away from me
and then lied to me for years about it. I thought he was dead, I cried to you
every night and you didn’t say a word.”
 
“Ma…” Jared tried but couldn’t think of anything to say.
 
“Now you see what you’ve done? Brought up the past and upset your mother,”
Jerry snarled taking a step towards Jared, forcing Jared to stumble out of his
chair.
 
Jared had seen that look in his dad’s eye before, they’d haunted his dreams for
years, but Jared had prayed that his mind had made them more terrifying that
they really were; now he knew his mind had been kind.
 
“I-I’m sorry,” Jared sobbed and bolted from the room, his body shaking so badly
his legs barely managed to work. He could hear Sandy calling after him and
Jensen saying something about a twisted son of a bitch but he shut them out,
putting his hands over his ears to block out the sound of his mother crying.
 
He didn’t have a clue where he was going, so when he found himself desperately
gasping down fresh air he looked up to find himself in his parent’s garden.
They had quite a large garden; Jared had always begged them for a dog that he
could run around it with.
 
“Jay?” Jensen came out behind him, placing a tentative hand on his shoulder.
Inside Jared heard a door slam and then a car out front started a peeled away
loudly. “Your dad’s gone, at least for a while. Your mom told him to go clear
his head.”
 
Jared nodded and leaned on the railings of the porch. “I shouldn’t have come,”
he whispered, but Jensen caught it.
 
“Why not? Because of your dad and what he said?” he asked gently, leaning his
back against the railing so he could look at Jared. “What about your mom? She’s
been as desperate to see you as you have her for years, are you really going to
let your dad take that away from the both of you?”
 
“Jen, why does he have to hate me so much? I’m I that wrong for wanting to be
who I feel I am, for wanting to be with you?”
 
“No, God no,” Jensen said quickly. He turned Jared to face him, putting a hand
through his thick hair and pressing their foreheads together. “Don’t let anyone
tell you that, ever. There is nothing wrong with you, Jay. There’s nothing
wrong with me, and I won’t take people telling us differently.”
 
Jensen kissed him, softly brushing his lips against Jared’s.
 
“Does this feel wrong?” Jensen asked against his lips before kissing him again,
a little deeper this time. Jared’s heart started pounding in his chest as his
head swam with the sensation of Jensen kissing him. Everything else washed
away, the argument, the house, Texas, the world, there was nothing but Jensen
and Jared felt that peace in him he felt every time Jensen kissed him or held
him close.
 
“No,” Jared whispered, his eyes closed while his hands moved to slips around
Jensen’s waist. “It feels like the best thing in the world.” Jared leaned in,
taking Jensen’s lips again. He turned him slightly so his back was to the thick
wooden railing and pushing him against it.
 
Jensen moaned, his fingers tightening in Jared’s hair, his legs parting
slightly so Jared could fit better between then, so he could get closer to him.
 
“I could kiss you forever,” Jensen said breathlessly gazing up at Jared. Jensen
looked at him like he was something to be in awe of; something he couldn’t
quite believe was real.
 
“How did I get so lucky?” Jared asked all of a sudden.
 
“How do you mean?” Jensen asked.
 
“To get you,” Jared said simply, like it should be obvious. “What wonderful
thing did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?”
 
“I think you’ll find I’m the lucky one,” Jensen told him, stroking a hand over
his cheek and down to his neck.
 
“Pff, I’m a walking bag of issues, you must’ve done something terrible to end
up with me,” Jared said self-depreciatively, purposefully not looking at
Jensen, knowing he’d argue with him.
 
“Um, Jay?” Sandy said from the backdoor before Jensen could say anything.
 
“I’m okay, Sand,” Jared answered before she could ask the inevitable.
 
“Yeah, but you know I’ll ask anyway,” Sandy replied with a smile.
 
“Yeah, I know,” Jared said. He backed away from Jensen as Sandy came closer and
engulfed her in his arms, kissing her head.
 
“Your mom wants to talk to you,” Sandy said against his chest. Jared’s heart
skipped a beat and he pulled back to look worriedly at her.
 
“What so you think she’s going to say?” he asked.
 
“I don’t know, honey. But I’m pretty sure she’s on your side,” Sandy said.
“I’ll wait out here with lover boy, you go see her.”
***** Chapter 17 *****

Author's notes: This chapter contains scene's of rape.
===============================================================================
Part 17
 
Jensen watched Jared eye the backdoor, before hugging Sandy tight and nodding.
Once he’d let her go he looked to Jensen.
 
“Right here,” Jensen told him, making sure he knew where he’d be if he needed
him. Jared nodded again and went back inside.
 
“You’re really good for him, you know,” Sandy said, nudging Jensen with her
shoulder
 
“You think?” Jensen raised an eyebrow at the compliment; he knew Sandy had been
unsure of him a few times since he’d gotten with Jared, so it was nice to hear
that from her.
 
“I do,” Sandy said simply.
 
“What makes you say that?” Jensen pushed for more and Sandy smiled.
 
“Because if that all had happened a few months ago… well let’s just say he
wouldn’t have recovered as quickly as he did just then,” she explained. “And
that’s because of you. He’s changed so much since being with you and they’re
all good changes, some I never thought I’d see.”
 
“I just want him to be happy, Sandy,” Jensen said, trying to hide the croak her
words had caused in his voice. “I want to make him happy.”
 
“That’s the thing, Jensen. You do. I’ve never seen him as happy as when I see
him look at you.”
 
Jensen couldn’t say anything, but he also couldn’t hide the huge grin on his
face. Sandy cocked her head to the side and regarded him.
 
“What?” Jensen asked eventually, squirming under her scrutiny.
 
“You love him, don’t you?” she said as though stating a fact, watching Jensen
smile shyly as a blush coloured his face. “You totally do, you’re in love with
Jared!”
 
“I haven’t told him yet,” Jensen admitted nervously. “Unless you count when he
was unconscious in hospital. With everything that’s been going on it just never
seemed the right time to say something like that.”
 
“But you will tell him, right?” Sandy urged, smiling brightly at Jensen.
 
“Yeah, I will,” Jensen sighed happily, wondering what Jared would say when he
told him, if he felt the same way. The last thing he wanted to do was pressure
Jared, make him feel uncomfortable.
 
“I’m pretty sure he’d like to hear it,” Sandy told him, as if she’d read his
mind.
 
“I hope so.”
 
 
~~~~
 
 
“Ma?” Jared said shakily. He entered the living room and tried not to look at
where the china cabinet used to be.
 
“Come sit with me, Jared?” Sherri patted the cushion of the sofa next to her.
Obediently, Jared moved over and sank into the soft cushion but avoided her
eyes.
 
“I’m sorry for shouting at dad,” he blurted quickly. “I shouldn’t have spoken
to him like that, I—”
 
“No,” Sherri said sharply. Finally Jared looked at her. Her eyes were red and
her face was a little puffy and she looked so sad Jared felt tears of his own
prickle behind his eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Jerry was out of
line, he picked that fight and you had every right to stand up for yourself and
Jensen. I’m proud of you, honey.”
 
Jared couldn’t stop his eyes from releasing the water they had gathered. He
didn’t understand. She was proud of him? Proud to have a gay son? Proud of a
son who ran away and didn’t contact her for years, who argued with his dad and
upset her?
 
“I don’t understand,” he said aloud without realising.
 
“What don’t you understand? Why I’m proud of you?” Sherri asked
understandingly. Jared nodded slowly and waited for her to explain. “You left
here when you were seventeen, you didn’t finish high school, you had no money,
no friends, and yet look at what you’ve turned into. A handsome young man with
a good head on his shoulder and a strong mind, who’s willing to stand up for
what he believes in. And you’re happy. You have a wonderful partner who
obviously cares a great deal for you and it’s clear you care for him too. These
things are all I ever wanted for you, all I ever hoped you’d achieve, and I’m
so proud that you managed to do that, I just wish I had been able to watch it
happen, but that’s not your fault and I don’t want you blaming yourself. I have
you back now and I love you, Jared. I love you so very much.”
 
Sherri’s calm speech finally broke down and her tears began to fall again.
Jared didn’t hesitate. He pulled her into his arms, his own tears falling into
her hair.
 
“I love you, too, ma,” Jared sobbed. “I’m so sorry that I hurt you, I didn’t
mean to.”
 
“I know sweetheart, you don’t have to explain to me.”
 
“I missed you so much. I thought about you every day.” Jared was full out
crying now, his chest heaving so much it was pulling against the stitches in
his stomach, but Jared couldn’t stop. The years of pain and misery finally
coming to the surface and Jared was powerless to stop the onslaught of emotions
battling for dominance.
 
They stayed there like that, clinging to each other, for a long time, neither
speaking but understanding each others pain never the less. When Jared finally
let out a long yawn and Sherri laughed at him they released each other and
smiled, feeling relieved to have gotten that all out, finally.
 
“You should get to bed, you’ve had a long journey and an emotional day,” Sherri
said, patting his cheek like only a mother does.
 
“Ma, are you sure you’re okay with me and Jensen in the same room, the same
bed?” Jared asked hesitantly.
 
“Of course I’m sure. If you’d come home with a girl I wouldn’t have made you
sleep separately. I see no difference just because Jensen’s another man,”
Sherri said matter of factually. Then she leaned in conspiratorially and Jared
found himself doing the same thing. “And he’s quite a good looking man at that;
you’ve done very well for yourself Jared.” Sherri wink at him before getting up
and leaving a stunned and shocked Jared sitting on the sofa, still leaning in
to listen to the secret.
 
“Jared?” Sandy’s voice broke him out of his stupor and she bounced into the
room with a huge smile plastered on her face. “I’ve got to go honey, will you
be okay?”
 
“I love my mom,” Jared said as if in shock. Sandy just smiled indulgently and
hugged him.
 
“Alright, well I really have to go, it’s getting late. I’ve got my cell so you
can call me if you need me, okay?” Sandy told him seriously, her smiled
replaced by a concerned and worried frown.
 
“Okay, Sand,” Jared grinned at her fretfulness. “I’ll be fine, Jensen’s here.”
 
At that Sandy grinned again. “I know.”
 
Sandy refused the offer of a lift home from Jensen, so after hugs and kisses
were exchanged, Jared saw her out and promised to call her tomorrow. Then he
was heading to the kitchen where Jensen was showing Sherri how to catch a glass
on the back of her hand. Jared just watched them for a moment, loving how
easily they interacted.
 
“Hey,” Jensen said when he noticed him, smiling broadly. “You okay?”
 
“Yeah, although I’m beat,” Jared said, stifling another yawn.
 
“You wanna turn in?” Jensen asked, moving to stand in front of him.
 
“Yeah, you gonna come with?” Jared questioned, placing his hand on Jensen’s hip
and looking at him with eyes that begged him to stay close.
 
“I’m ready to drop, so yeah,” Jensen nodded and sighed tiredly.
 
“You boys go get some rest, then,” Sherri said kindly. “We’ll talk more in the
morning.”
 
“But—what about dad?” Jared asked, concerned at what Jerry will do when he gets
back and finds Jensen and Jared in bed together.
 
“You let me handle your father, I’ve had many years practice and while he likes
to think he’s the one that who wears the trousers, he’s gravely mistaken.”
Sherri grinned at them before ushering them out of the kitchen and to the
stairs.
 
“Night Mrs Padalecki,” Jensen said politely.
 
“Oh, call me Sherri, I insist. You make me sound like my mom,” Sherri rolled
her eyes and leaned up to kiss Jensen on the cheek.
 
“Night ma,” Jared said, wrapping his long arms around her and whispering, “I
love you.”
 
“Night boys,” Sherri said, smiling. “Oh and Jared… it’s really good to have you
home.”
 
Four_Years_Ago
 
Jared had listened outside the bar to the count down, to the cheering. Now it
was a whole new year and he prayed it brought with it a whole new life.
Shivering against the cold wind Jared moved further into the alley beside the
bar. He’d learned that the restaurant next door would often throw out food
after a busy night and he was starving, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d
eaten.
 
His feet stumbled against the uneven ground and his legs almost gave way. Jared
tried not to stand up too much any more; trying to preserve the little energy
he had for searching for food.
 
He’d been in Seattle for two weeks. The money Sandy had given him hadn’t lasted
long and he was getting desperate. No one would give him a job because he
didn’t have a place to stay but Jared knew that in his t-shirt and jeans he
would freeze to death over the winter if something didn’t give soon.
 
Jared looked up hopefully when he heard movement in the alley. He headed
towards it, praying it was someone making a food dump.
 
He stopped when he saw it was just one of the bars customers, some guy
staggering down the alley on his way God knew where. Jared moved towards the
wall to get out of his way but the guy just stopped and looked at him.
 
With the man’s eyes on him, Jared felt very uncomfortable, he’d seen that look
in Michael’s eyes, it was pure lust. Swallowing, Jared backed away as the guy
appraised him hungrily. Slowly, the man nodded.
 
“How much?” he enquired, a small smile pulling at his lips.
 
“How much for what?” Jared asked stupidly, he knew exactly what this guy was
after, and no matter how desperate he was, he’d die before he was reduced to
that, he’d spent years being used, he wasn’t going to do it again, not for
anything.
 
The guy took a step closer and Jared looked to either side of him, desperately
searching for an exit.
 
“How much for me to fuck you, right here?” the man leered, palming himself
through his slacks.
 
“I-I think there’s been some m-misunderstanding,” Jared stammered. He began to
sweat despite his cold skin and his empty stomach rolled, bile rising into his
throat. “I’m not a h-hooker.”
 
“Sure you are. Pretty boy like you.” The man licked his lips and Jared almost
threw up right then. “Why else would you be out here in next to nothing?”
 
“I’m not. I’m sorry you go the wrong idea,” Jared said and bravely pushed past
him and headed for the exit of the alley.
 
He didn’t make it very far before he was slammed face first into the wall, his
head cracking into it with a sickening sound. Even though Jared was stunned it
would’ve been impossible not to hear the man’s words hissed in his ear, the
stench of alcohol on his breath making Jared gag.
 
“I don’t like being teased. It’s about time someone taught you a lesson.”
 
Jared’s blood ran cold. Taught a lesson. He’d had enough lessons in his life
and never wanted to have a single one ever again.
 
“Don’t,” Jared whimpered as the material of his t-shirt went tight and then
ripped, pulling away from his body to reveal his bare skin underneath. A sharp
pain shot through Jared’s shoulder as the man sunk in his teeth, Jared yelled
loudly and tried to push back, tried to force the man off him. The man wasn’t
large, certainly not as tall as Jared, but weak from hunger and disorientated
from the blow to his head, Jared just didn’t have the strength to fight the man
off. He felt worthless, like something to be chewed up and spat away.
 
Suddenly, there were hands tugging at his jeans. They weren’t trying to undo
them, more like they were trying to tear them off, destroy them so they’d be
useless afterwards. The thought about them being Jared’s only pair of jeans
shot through his head and started Jared into action.
 
“Please don’t, please, please don’t so this?” Jared begged, trying to get a
purchase with his hands on the guy, trying to find any way possible to get him
off him. “Stop, please stop?”
 
Jared’s cries got louder and more desperate. When the fly on his jeans finally
gave and ripped open, his jeans and boxers forced down his thighs. Jared was
shoved forward with a knee in his back; his hands were caught and pulled behind
him, yanked painfully and secured in one hand while another curled around his
neck and squeezed.
 
“Shhh,” his attacker told him, but there was nothing soothing about the sound.
 
Jared gasped for breath, his vision becoming hazy while a gargled sound came
from his throat and his cries were lost. Then, all of a sudden, the pressure on
his neck and the knee in his back were gone but the restraint of his arms
continued. Jared gulped down the much needed air, his head going light at the
sudden rush of deprived oxygen.
 
The relief was short lived however, when Jared felt it, a firm, and insistent
pressure at the exposed opening of his ass.
 
“Oh God. Not this, please don’t,” Jared begged, sobbing as he was pressed into
the wall, without the strength he needed to get away from what was about to
happen. “Somebody help me?” he screamed as loud as he could, desperate for
someone to come to his aid.
 
His cries for help soon manifested into screams of agony and the foul excuse
for a human being forced his way into Jared’s body. Ripping him open to
pleasure himself and not caring about the broken pleas for it all to stop, for
everything to not be real.
 
No, the nameless, faceless guy shoved his cock inside, violently raping from
him every achievement Jared had felt about escaping Michael. This was what he
was good for, this was the only thing he could do. He was taught how to please
a man, but dear God, Jared wanted to be able to choose the man he pleased.
 
Suddenly, the hand was back around his throat, suppressing the agonised screams
coming for Jared’s mouth.
 
“You asked for this. Standing there, looking like you do. Practically begging
for it and then refusing to deliver the goods,” the guy snarled in his ear as
he thrust up into Jared’s body. “I was willing to pay good money for the
privilege of doing you, but if this is the way you want it, I’m not going to
say no.”
 
Jared’s arms wailed their pain through his body, meeting and combining with the
agony radiating from his ass and yet it was all made fuzzy by the hand, choking
the life from him.
 
“Hey,” a voice echoed through the alley. “What’s going on down there?”
 
“Fuck off,” the guy grunted, pushing harder into Jared. “Mind your own fucking
business.”
 
Jared flicked his eyes to the small sliver of light adorning the alley and
spied the dark figure silhouetted there.
 
“Help,” Jared rasped, not sure if his harsh, weak voice could be heard by the
stranger.
 
“Shut the fuck up whore and do your fucking job,” the guy growled at him,
smacking his head into the wall and speeding up his thrusts, grunting as his
orgasm approached.
 
Jared just closed his eyes and waited for it to be over. He couldn’t do this
anymore, he couldn’t live in a world where this was his life. What was the
point of trying, of fighting back when you just got shot down every single
time?
 
Suddenly, the presence behind him was gone. The intrusion in his body removed
and with nothing to hold him up Jared collapsed to the ground.
 
“Get the fuck out of here before I call the police,” a voice yelled and Jared
heard stumbling footsteps scrambling to get away down the alley.
 
Then there was a figure looming over him, he huddled into himself, trying to
become as small as possible—which would have been laughable if the situation
were different—and wishing he could just cease to exist. Then there were hands
on him, fingers pressed onto his pulse point and something large and warm was
draped over his exposed body.
 
“Are you okay?” a soft voice asked. Jared couldn’t look up, fear kept its tight
grip preventing him from venturing that far, instead he simply nodded his head.
I’m fine, please go away. He prayed this man would go; Jared had nothing to
offer him.
 
“Jesus kid, you sure picked the wrong career,” the voice said, a sadness
filling it that surprised Jared, but the implication the Jared was a hooker was
just another slap in the face.
 
“Not a whore,” Jared croaked weakly. He swept the back of his hand over his
face, it came away wet and Jared realised that he’d been crying.
 
“You mean he…” the man stopped with a gasp. Jared nodded the affirmative, yes
he… As the fact that Jared had just been raped hit him, Jared’s body reacted
and he shook violently, more tears drenching his cheeks. “Jesus, come on, let’s
get you inside.”
 
Jared allowed himself to be helped to his feet, gathering his ruined jeans
around his waist and leaning into the man without really wanting to but he was
unable to stand by himself. As soon as he moved Jared sucked a hiss in through
his teeth as pain spiked through from his ass up his spine. His legs faltered
and he almost fell but the strong arms around him supported his weight and kept
him upright, he adjusted what Jared could now see was a jacket around his
shoulders, the warmth soaked into Jared’s chilled bones.
 
Soon Jared was being led up some stairs, then he was seated on a sofa and a
glass of strong smelling liquor was placed in his shivering hands.
 
“Whiskey,” his saviour told him quietly. “It’ll warm the blood.”
 
Jared sipped at the whiskey, feeling the burn as it went down. The other man
crouched in front of Jared and it was then that Jared had the nerve to raise
his eyes to meet him. The first thing he noticed were his startling blue eyes,
Jared would have recoiled, reminded of Michael’s eyes, but these weren’t cold
like Michael’s often were, they shone with warmth and sincerity. The rest of
the man before him was equally as startling, a boyish face with strong features
and thick dark hair slightly curled on his head.
 
“Hey, my names Tom,” the guy told him, smiling kindly and making any movement
he made small and careful. “Can you tell me your name?”
 
“J-Jared,” Jared answered nervously before taking another large swig of the
whiskey.
 
“Hi Jared,” Tom said smiling wider at the cooperation. “I’m just gonna wrap,
this blanket around you, okay? It’ll be warmer than my jacket.”
 
Tom held up the blanket, showing it to Jared so he saw it wasn’t a threat,
eventually Jared allowed the jacket to be taken away.
 
“Ah, that’s gonna need to be cleaned,” Tom hissed as though it were something
painful. Jared looked to where Tom was studying his shoulder and saw deep,
bloody teeth marks ripped into the skin, it was like his attacker had being
trying to take a chunk out of him.
 
Jared stared at the wound but he was numb to it, he watched the blood slide
slowly down his skin but was unaffected. He didn’t even notice when Tom left
the room, only to return seconds later with a first aid bag and settle next to
Jared on the sofa. This caught Jared’s attention and he skirted across the
cushions to the other side, putting space between them.
 
“I’m just going to clean your shoulder; we don’t want it to get infected, do
we?” Tom said calmly, holding his hands up in a non-threatening manner. Jared
looked from Tom, his hands, the bag and his shoulder, taking it all in, before
slowly nodding.
 
“Okay,” he said softly and moved a little closer to Tom.
 
“So, is there anyone I can call for you, someone to come pick you up?” Tom
questioned as he started work.
 
“No,” Jared said dully.
 
“You live near here?” Tom continued his interrogation. Jared just shrugged his
uninjured shoulder. Tom sat back a little and stared at him, contemplating.
“How old are you, kid?”
 
Jared eyed him for a moment before answering, “Seventeen.”
 
“And you’re on the streets!” It wasn’t really question but Jared nodded anyway.
“How long?”
 
“’Bout two weeks, I think,” Jared told him, wondering to himself why he was
trusting this stranger.
 
“Can’t go home, huh?” Tom said knowingly and Jared shook his head to confirm
it.
 
Tom looked at him, studying him, Jared started shifting uncomfortably. “Guess
you don’t want to go to the police about that asshole out there either, don’t
wanna put yourself under the radar?”
 
Jared looked up in alarm. What if he’d been reported missing? What if Michael
was still looking for him? Seeing Jared’s panicked expression Tom held up his
hands again.
 
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna turn you in.” Tom stopped, seemingly thinking for a
moment. Then he nodded to himself. “You can sleep on the sofa tonight if you
like. You can’t go back out there like that; you’ll freeze to death with your
clothes all falling off you like that.”
 
Jared took a moment to take in his ruined clothes, the t-shirt was useless,
barely staying on, and his jeans would need a belt or something to keep them
up, maybe he could find some rope around one of the dumpsters but he would need
a new top for sure.
 
“You hungry?” Tom asked and now Jared noticed that he’d moved away and was
going behind a counter into a kitchen area. He didn’t wait for Jared to answer
him, he just started searching through the fridge and came back with some left
over Chinese. “I had this for dinner earlier so it’s still good.”
 
Tom handed Jared the food, still in its container with a fork sticking out. He
wanted to say no, that Tom had already done enough but the ache in his stomach
made refusing the food an impossibility. Slowly, Jared reached out for the
food, snatching it out of Tom’s hand like a frightened animal, before
proceeding to stuff his face as fast as he could, afraid Tom was going to
change his mind and take the food back. He didn’t.
 
Tom left Jared to eat, coming back to place a steaming cup of cocoa on the
table next to him, telling him it would warm him up some more. Soon Jared was
warm, his stomach satisfied and he was so comfortable that his eyes were
beginning to droop. He shouldn’t stay, he knew he should get up and leave, but
the tug of his body and the protective heat of the soft blanket around him
prevented him making a move.
 
“Hey, Jared,” Tom was in front of him again, smiling kindly. “Do you wanna have
a shower, get cleaned up a little?”
 
Jared thought about how good a shower would feel right now, washing that sick
fucks paw print off him, washing away the accumulated dirt of the past two
weeks. When he looked up at Tom his vision was blurred, he blinked away the
water from his eyes and it fell as tears, overwhelmed by the kindness this man
was showing him. Tom just looked sad but held out his hand to help Jared up.
 
 
When Jared staggered out of the shower, so exhausted he could barely stand any
longer—he’d actually showered mostly sitting down, crying his heart out—he
wrapped himself up in the towel Tom had handed him. When he was dry he searched
for his clothes, but they were gone, in their place was a pair of black sweats
and a pale blue t-shirt. With no other option Jared put them on.
 
Before leaving the bathroom, Jared noticed some toothpaste. Hoping it would be
alright; he scooped it up and put some on his finger, then rubbed it around his
teeth as best he could. Then, he sluggishly walked back out into the living
room.
 
Tom was gone, but on the sofa was a pillow and another blanket, on the table
next to the sofa stood a bottle of water. Jared’s clothes were folded neatly on
the floor by the couch with his shoes sitting beside them. Jared could have
cried again. It had been so long since someone had treated him like a person,
since he had slept in a warm environment on a soft surface.
 
He couldn’t, no matter how much he thought he should, he just couldn’t turn
this down. He dragged his weary body over to the sofa and climbed under the
blankets. He sighed deeply as his body sank into the soft warmth, and no sooner
had his eyes closed and he was asleep.
 
 
Jared woke the next day to the smell of coffee. It took him a few moments to
remember where he was, but when the memory of what had happened in the alley
came back to him, Jared just buried his head further under the blankets, hiding
his face into the pillow.
 
“Hey, you’re awake,” Tom called cheerily, and Jared forced himself out from
under the covers. Tom grinned and brought over a mug of coffee, handing it to
Jared and indicating that he should move over to allow Tom to sit, so Jared
moved and accepted the coffee with a mumbled “thanks.”
 
“So, Jared. What are your plans for the day?” Tom asked brightly, sitting down
next to him.
 
“Um… I don’t know. I guess I’ll go to the shelter, see if they’ve got any
clothes I can have,” Jared said quietly, sipping his coffee slowly.
 
“For your tall ass? I doubt it,” Tom quipped and Jared frowned, knowing Tom was
probably right, they wouldn’t have anything in his size. Suddenly, Tom stood
and turned to face Jared. “Stand up a sec.”
 
“What? Why?” Jared asked, but did as requested. Tom looked him up and down
before grinning.
 
“Well, you’re about my height, quite a bit skinnier, but you’ll fill out,” Tom
said with a grin.
 
“What are you talking about?” Jared questioned.
 
“I’ve got some old clothes you can have, I was just gonna give them to charity
anyways, so I might as well give ‘em to you,” Tom explained and then chuckled
at Jared’s dropped jaw.
 
“I can’t ask you to do that,” Jared said quickly, shaking his head.
 
“You’re not asking, I’m offering, and I’m not taking no for an answer,” Tom
said seriously. “And anyway, it’ll save me the trip.”
 
“But you’ve already done so much.” Jared felt his throat closing up on him,
overwhelmed by this man’s kindness. “I have no way to repay you.”
 
Tom adopted a serious expression and placed a hand on Jared’s shoulder.
 
“Did I ask for any type of payment?” he said, tipping his head so Jared had to
look in his eyes. Jared swallowed thickly. He didn’t understand why Tom was
doing these things for him, why he was being so nice to Jared, a complete
stranger. Jared wished there was something he could do to say “thank you,” some
way to show how much it meant to him.
 
Without thinking too much about it, Jared leaned forward and pressed his lips
to Tom’s, stepping into his personal space to put their bodies flush against
each other. No sooner had he begun the kiss than Tom’s hand came to his chest,
gently pushing him away.
 
“Whoa, what are you doing?” Tom asked, his cheeks flushing red as he backed
away a couple of steps.
 
“I’m sorry, I just thought… I’m sorry,” Jared mumbled, embarrassed that he had
offended Tom after everything he’d done for him. “I’ll just… I’ll go.”
 
Jared made to grab for his clothes, but Tom’s hand on his arm stopped him.
 
“Hey, you can’t go; I haven’t given you your clothes yet,” Tom said quickly.
 
“But I—”
 
“It’s okay. You’re a great looking guy and everything, and I’m sure it would’ve
been very nice, but Jared, I’m straight,” Tom told him with a chuckle and Jared
flushed profusely.
 
“Oh,” was all Jared could say.
 
“You really wanna repay me that badly?” Tom looked thoughtful, and Jared just
nodded vigorously. “Okay, well, I’ve got the whole bar to clear up before we
open later, you could give me a hand with that if you’re feeling up to it?”
 
Jared’s eyes lit up. That was something he could do, he could help Tom, and
that way he wouldn’t feel like he’d taken advantage of his generosity, he
would’ve worked for what he’d been given. Jared smiled his first real smile in
as long as he could remember.
***** Chapter 18 *****
Part 18
 
Jensen woke with Jared thrashing around next to him, his arms were flying
wildly and Jensen had to move further away to prevent injury. Jared was letting
out sudden shouts, it sounded like he was in agony.
 
“Jared,” Jensen called, not daring touch him in case it made things worse.
“Jay, come on man, wake up, it’s just a dream.”
 
Jared screamed in his sleep and real tears escaped from under his closed lids.
 
“Please don’t,” Jared begged. “Please, I can’t, please?”
 
“Jay, wake up, it’s a dream that’s all, it’s not real,” Jensen carried on his
attempts to wake him from his nightmare. “No one can hurt you here, Jared, come
on man, it’s Jen, it’s Jensen, come back to me.”
 
“What on earth is going on?” Sherri burst through the door, an alarmed look on
her face. She ground to a halt at the sight of Jared tossing and turning,
covered in sweat and crying in his sleep.
 
“It’s just a bad dream, I just have to wake him up,” Jensen said quickly before
turning his attention back to Jared. “Jay, you’re safe, okay. Listen to me,
it’s Jen, wake up man, wake up.”
 
Jared tossed one more time too hard and ended up throwing himself off the bed.
Jensen followed him over, scrambling to be there for when the shock woke him
up, which it did, a scream dying on Jared’s lips.
 
“It’s okay, it’s over now,” Jensen told him tenderly, taking him into his arms.
 
“Jen?” Jared asked weakly, slowly focusing on Jensen and then clinging to him
tightly, closing his eyes and burying himself as close to Jensen as he could
get. Jensen could feel Jared’s body shaking badly, his breath harsh and filled
with sobs.
 
“Yeah, it’s me, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” Jensen assured him,
holding his tighter. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
 
“It was him again,” Jared whispered into Jensen’s neck, his fingers clawing
into Jensen’s t-shirt. Jared shuddered but went quiet, Jensen took that to mean
he was done talking and really, he didn’t need anymore explanation.
 
“What’s happened?” Sherri asked softly, reminding Jensen of her presence. Jared
was still too out of it to realise she was even there.
 
“It was just a dream,” Jensen told her, not wanting to betray Jared’s trust by
letting more out than Jared would feel comfortable with.
 
“Does he get those a lot?” Sherri continued to question, and really, who could
blame her?
 
“Yeah, sometimes. I should really get him back to bed,” Jensen said and looked
pleadingly at Sherri, praying she wouldn’t demand to know more.
 
“Why? What was he dreaming about?” Sherri didn’t take the hint.
 
“I’m sorry, Mrs Padalecki, but that’s not for me to tell you and I’d probably
suggest that you don’t ask him, not yet,” Jensen told her and felt a stab of
guilt at the hurt and concern on his face. He understood. She’d just found her
son, but he was broken and she had no idea why and no idea how to fix him.
 
“Will he be okay?” Sherri asked, obviously catching on to the fact that Jared
wasn’t part of the conversation for the moment.
 
“He just needs to sleep,” Jensen tried to explain. “Hopefully it won’t happen
again tonight.” He wondered if maybe that was too much information, but often
the dreams didn’t come solo and it would continue all night. Being back in his
old room, his old house, it must be bringing up so many forgotten or suppressed
memories and Jensen had no idea what was going on inside Jared’s head right
now.
 
Sherri looked like she wanted to say more but luckily she didn’t. Her face
distraught she nodded and backed out of the room, quietly closing the door
behind her. Jensen turned his attention back to Jared.
 
“Jared. Jay, come one, let’s get you back into bed,” Jensen murmured, lifting
Jared’s head to bring him around again.
 
“Jen?” Jared said sleepily.
 
“Yeah, come on sasquatch, help me out here.” Jensen stood, pulling Jared with
him; luckily Jared got with the programme and crawled back into bed on his own.
 
“You okay?” Jensen asked once they were back under the covers and cuddled up
against each other.
 
“Yeah,” Jared said meekly. “I just wish it didn’t control me so much, that he
didn’t control me so much. I wish I could get past it.”
 
“You will,” Jensen promised. “I’ll help you, what ever you need. And you know
Jay, you’re more in control than you give yourself credit for, you’re stronger
than you think.”
 
“Yeah? Then how come I can’t be with you properly like I want to be?” Jared
asked gruffly and Jensen was taken back by the comment. They’d been taking
things slow and Jensen was fine with that, but they hadn’t really discussed it
beyond that, they’d just been feeling their way. Jensen had no idea that Jared
had wanted to take things further, to take them all that way.
 
“You mean sex?” Jensen clarified.
 
“I mean… yeah I guess I mean sex,” Jared confirmed. “I wish you could make love
to me with out me freaking out, without me remembering him.”
 
“You know, you don’t have to be the one to… well, I could always… what’s wrong
with you making love to me?” Jensen asked hesitantly, hoping Jared understood
what he meant. He’d never bottomed before but that doesn’t mean he’s against
the idea, just that all his partners when he was in school wanted him to be
top.
 
“No,” Jared said decisively.
 
“I don’t mind, Jay,” Jensen insisted, leaning up so he could see Jared’s face.
 
“No,” Jared said again but he wouldn’t look at Jensen. Slowly Jensen put a hand
to Jared’s face and gently turned it to face him. “It’s just… you remember that
time just outside my front door.”
 
How could Jensen forget? It had been amazing and yet a complete contrast to the
Jared he knew today. Slowly he nodded and waited for Jared to explain.
 
“That wasn’t me. I don’t act like that, I don’t talk like that,” Jared said,
his eyes looking around as though searching for the right words. “When I did
that, it was like… like I was channelling him, it was like I was becoming
Michael. I did things and said things that were so like him, it scared the Hell
out of me Jen, when you left I completely broke down.”
 
“Jesus, why didn’t you tell me?” Jensen asked, shocked and feeling so damn
guilty that he had enjoyed it while Jared had been in internal turmoil.
 
“It wasn’t really something I wanted to admit out loud, if I said it, if I told
you, it would make it real,” Jared explained, still refusing to meet Jensen’s
eyes. “That’s why I can’t… if I were to try, to be on top, I’m scared that I
would become him, that I wouldn’t have control of what I was doing. God, Jen,
what if I hurt you?”
 
“That would never happen,” Jensen said with a certainty he wasn’t sure he felt.
Now Jared did turn to him, a small smile gracing his lips.
 
“But I wouldn’t want to take the chance. Not yet at least, not until I’m
better,” Jared said softly and bent to kiss Jensen. Jensen accepted the kiss as
well as the explanation. He understood why Jared was scared and he wasn’t going
to push him into doing something he was uncomfortable with. “So, you’ll wait
for me?” Jared asked tentatively.
 
“Till the end of the world,” Jensen spoke without even thinking, his eyes still
closed from the soft kiss. When he opened his eyes wide he found Jared staring
down at him, a soft smile was there, just for him and Jensen just smiled back.
“Let’s get some sleep, huh?”
 
Jared nodded and snuggled down, pulling Jensen against him so his head was on
Jared’s chest.
 
“Hey Jen,” Jared almost whispered. “Thank you.”
 
“For what?” Jensen whispered back.
 
“For talking to my mom earlier.”
 
“You heard that, huh?” Jensen stiffened slightly; he hadn’t known Jared was
listening.
 
“Yeah,” Jared confirmed.
 
“I was afraid I’d said too much, I didn’t want to tell her about your dreams,”
Jensen said in a rush.
 
“You were perfect, thank you,” Jared assured him and placed a kiss on the top
of Jensen’s head.
 
Jensen simply smiled against Jared’s chest and pressed a kiss into his skin.
 
“You think maybe you should tell her about Michael?” Jensen asked tentatively.
 
“One day, maybe,” was all Jared said and Jensen let it drop. He listened as
Jared’s breathing evened out and became deep before letting himself be pulled
under by sleep.
 
***
 
The rest of the night was uneventful. They slept all the way through without
being disturbed by anymore dreams. Yet it was all too soon that Sherri was
sticking her head around the door and telling them breakfast was cooking.
 
They took quick turns in the shower, Jared did offer to share but Jensen
refused, afraid that Jerry might be about and he really didn’t want to do
anything to upset the man further, plus it just felt wrong, doing things like
that in Jared’s parents house.
 
Eventually, they were sitting down to hot coffee and bacon and eggs at the
kitchen counter. Sherri looked tired and warn, Jensen figured she didn’t sleep
all that well after finding out about Jared’s nightmares, she was most likely
worried about what had caused them and why she’d been unable to stop him from
getting them in the first place.
 
Sherri was just clearing the dishes when Jerry walking onto the kitchen. He
took a mug and filled it with coffee before turning and regarding Jensen and
Jared, he didn’t speak, he just watched them as if they were about to do
something interesting or dangerous.
 
“Would you like some breakfast, dear?” Sherri asked him politely, Jerry turned
to her and placed a kiss on her cheek.
 
“Yes please,” he smiled at her and she smiled shyly back. Jensen watched in
amazement, thinking that this must be a glimpse of what they used to be like,
or are like when Jared wasn’t there, a perfectly happy couple who were
obviously in love. Then Jerry turned his attention back to Jared and his face
became serious again. “You made quite a racket last night,” he stated flatly
and Jensen felt Jared flinched beside him.
 
“I’m sorry,” Jared said meekly. Jensen turned slightly to see that Jared’s face
was flushed red with embarrassment.
 
“Are you alright?” Jensen and Jared simultaneously turned shocked eyes to
Jerry. That had been the last question they’d been expecting. Sherri just
smiled slightly and went back to cooking her husband’s breakfast.
 
“Um, yeah,” Jared replied, obviously confused by this apparent sudden concern.
“It was just a nightmare, that’s all.”
 
“You get that a lot?” Jerry asked as he moved to sit opposite Jared, placing
his coffee on the counter and waiting for Jared to answer.
 
“Sometimes,” Jared said nervously, and all Jensen could do was watch, ready to
jump in and defend Jared if he needed it.
 
“What was it about?” Jerry probed, his voice calm, but not filled with emotion
like Jared’s shaky words.
 
“I—uh—I had a tough time when I first—moved away,” Jared said as explanation,
and Jensen could have sworn he saw Jerry flinch.
 
“What do you mean by tough?” Jerry asked, a slight frown gracing his features.
 
“Some stuff—that I don’t want to think about,” Jared said in a rush and pushed
his plate away from him. “Um, I need some air. Jen, you wanna come to the park
with me?”
 
“Let me get my shoes,” Jensen said immediately, he could tell Jared needed an
escape, Jerry’s sudden attention confusing them both. Jensen couldn’t blame
Jared for needing to clear his head.
 
They both stood and started heading for the door. When they were by the front
door, ready to go, Sherri and Jerry met them there.
 
“Will you be home for lunch?” Sherri asked, she was trying to be cheerful but
there was an underlying concern she was trying to hide. The knowledge of these
dreams obviously hitting her hard, hard enough for Jerry to take an interest.
 
“Um, probably, but don’t make anything just in case,” Jared told her, edging
towards to door, desperate to get out where he could breathe again.
 
Sherri smiled and Jerry nodded to them as they left the house and Jensen’s mind
boggled at what a strange morning it had been.
 
***
 
Sandy was shopping for some groceries—her parents seriously needed to be taught
what a decent breakfast was—when she heard some people at the counter talking.
 
“Did you hear? The Padalecki boy’s back. Just turned up out of the blue,” one
woman, who Sandy recognised as Mrs Gamble, said incredulously.
 
“He’s had his poor parent’s worried for so long and now, four years later he
just waltzes back into their lives like nothing happened?” the woman behind
that counter, Mrs Westing, commented.
 
“I know, all these years, he could’ve at least had the decency to call and let
them know he was alright,” Mrs Gamble exclaimed and the hair on Sandy’s skin
bristled.
 
“I know. That’s exactly what that Mr Weatherly said earlier this morning when I
told him Jared was back at his parent’s place. He said he’d go by there and see
how they’re doing, so maybe he can tell us more later,” Mrs Westing said
hopefully.
 
Sandy dropped her shopping, her blood running cold. The women turned to stare
at her opened mouthed as Sandy rushed towards the exit.
 
“Aren’t you going to clean that up dear?” Mrs Westing said tersely.
 
“Why don’t you quit your yakking and do it yourself?” Sandy said heatedly.
 
“I beg your pardon?” the two gossips said in sync.
 
“You’ve no idea what you’ve done,” Sandy told them, fighting the tears in her
eyes as she raced out the door; she had to get to Jared’s place and fast, she
only prayed she wasn’t too late. All these years she’d protected Jared, she’d
never forgive herself if it all fell to pieces now, not after how far Jared had
come, how strong he was now.
 
***
 
Jensen kissed Jared on the head as he leaned back against Jensen’s chest.
Jensen sat on a bench and smiled at the sun shining down on them.
 
“You feeling better?” he asked Jared and Jared groaned happily.
 
“Yeah, I just had to get away for a while, gather my thoughts, you know?” Jared
told him.
 
“Yeah, I get it. I’m just happy to have some time with you alone,” Jensen
turned Jared in his arms and kissed him softly.
 
“Hey, this isn’t Seattle. People aren’t as tolerant around here,” Jared blushed
but the slight worry in his eye stopped Jensen from pushing it further.
 
“So, what do you want—” Jensen stopped when he felt Jared stiffen in his arms.
Jared was looking over Jensen’s shoulder, his eyes wide and terrified.
 
Jensen turned and saw a tall, older but handsome man strolling towards them.
 
“Jared Padalecki, you’re a face I didn’t think I’d see around these parts
again,” the man said, focusing piercing blue eyes on Jared.
 
“No,” Jared murmured and started backing away from the man, which meant he
backed away from Jensen too.
 
“Aren’t you pleased to see me? I’ve missed you, baby boy,” the man said,
stopping beside Jensen where he sat on the bench.
 
Jensen’s eyes widened, suddenly realising who the man was.
 
“Michael,” he hissed, climbing to his feet, ready to lay the man out. Anger ran
through every part of him, pulsing out of him in violent waves.
 
“You must be the wonderful boyfriend I’ve been hearing about,” Michael said
appraisingly. “But I bet you can’t give my boy everything he needs. You have to
have a strong hand with him; otherwise he forgets how to be a man.”
 
“You son of a bitch,” Jensen growled, stepping between Michael and Jared. “You
get out of here right now or I’ll fucking kill you.”
 
“Oh, so he did tell you about us? Jared, that was a bad thing to do, how many
other people have you told?” Michael fixed his gaze on Jared.
 
“N-no one, I haven’t told anyone,” Jared stuttered, tears falling down his
face. Jensen wished he could go to him, hold him close and make everything
better, but he wasn’t going to turn his back on this piece of shit, not for a
second.
 
“Good, then I only have to deal with you two,” Michael said just as he pulled a
gun from his jacket. Instead of firing it, he swung it to hit Jensen on the
head, and Jensen fell to the ground, unconscious.
 
~~~
 
Jared went to move but Michael aimed the gun at him and he stopped dead. His
entire body was screaming at him to fight, or to run, to do something other
than stand there.
 
When he’d seen Michael appear behind Jensen he’d thought he was hallucinating,
that his dreams were causing him to see things when he was awake, but then he’d
spoken and Jared had died a little inside. When he’d made the decision to come
home, to see his parents, it had never even occurred to him that he might run
into Michael, for some reason he didn’t even think Michael would still be here.
But he was, and he was standing in front of him, with a gun he’d just used to
knock Jared’s boyfriend out with.
 
“Pick him up and put him in my car or I’ll shoot him dead,” Michael told Jared,
snapping him out of his wildly running thoughts and indicating to his four by
four that was just behind them.
 
Jared didn’t move, he couldn’t, he was literally scared stiff.
 
“I mean it, baby boy,” Michael growled. Jared had heard that tone before, many
times, and knew it meant that Michael was deadly serious and pissed off beyond
belief and it was this tone that jolted Jared into action.
 
Keeping one eye on the gun that remained trained on his head, Jared began to
drag Jensen’s dead weight as well as he could, working against the pain in his
gut as his stitches were pulled painfully. Jared’s hands were shaking violently
and he had to fight the urge to throw up.
 
As he moved Jensen, Jared checked that he was still breathing, he was,
thankfully, and Jared breathed just that little bit easier knowing that.
 
Once Jared had Jensen in the back of the car, Michael ordered him into the
driver’s seat. Carefully Jared climbed in. When Michael was seated next to him,
the gun still level but now out of sight from passers by, Michael handed him
the keys and told him to start the engine.
 
Jared tried to keep his hands steady as he took the keys, but he couldn’t
prevent the flinch that happened when their skin touched. Quickly, he grabbed
the keys and shoved them in the ignition; Michael just smirked next to him and
gave him directions.
 
“If you try anything, your boyfriend dies first,” Michael warned and Jared
believed him.
 
***
 
Sandy was gasping for breath by the time she arrived at the Padalecki’s house.
She burst through the door without bothering to knock, too terrified to think
about the niceties.
 
“Jared? Jensen?” she shouted at the top of her lungs.
 
“Sandra? What’s all the shouting for?” Jerry asked as he came through from the
living room.
 
“Where are they?” Sandy asked desperately. Please tell me they’re okay, she
silently begged.
 
“They went for a drive to the park, why is something wrong?” Sherri asked,
appearing from the kitchen, a frown on her face.
 
Sandy closed her eyes for a moment and tried to calm herself down, she was no
good to Jared if she was in a state.
 
“Has Mr. Weatherly from school stopped by this morning?” she asked, praying the
answer would be no.
 
“Yes, he came by a little while ago, he wanted to greet Jared home,” Sherri
said with a smile. “He’s been one of the most supportive through all these
years, always checking in to see if we’d heard anything. I told him Jared had
gone to the park with his boyfriend, he seemed very happy to know that he was
alright and that he had someone in his life.”
 
“Fuck,” Sandy cursed, her heart racing. What was she going to do? What would
Michael do?
 
“I beg you’re pardon young lady,” Jerry scolded but Sandy ignored him calling
Jared’s cell immediately. There was no answer.
 
“We have to get out there, right now. We have to warn them,” she said
desperately already heading for the door. If she could get to the park, get
there before Michael, everything would be alright.
 
“What are you talking about? Michael’s been a good friend, what could you
possibly have to warn them about?” Sherri laughed as if the whole thing were
ridiculous.
 
“Because Michael abused Jared all through high school and threatened to kill
him when he said he’d tell,” Sandy shouted, and then fixed her glare on Jerry.
“Why do you think Jared was in such a mess that day? He was desperate for your
help, for your support. But you had to go all homicidal homophobic on him and
make sure he never trusted another soul again.” Jerry’s eyes went wide and
Sandy wanted to punch him—not for the first time. “Yeah, Michael was the guy
Jared was trying to tell you about, he was coming to you for help and you
threatened to cut his fucking dick off, you twisted fuck. He came to me covered
in blood and crying for help. His teacher was out there looking to fucking kill
him and his fucking dad had pretty much just threatened to do exactly the same
fucking thing.” Sandy knew she was screaming at them but she wasn’t in any
frame of mind to keep her emotions in check.
 
“Sandra, I think we would have noticed if Jared was being abused,” Sherri said
harshly and Sandy rolled her eyes.
 
“You’d think, wouldn’t you? You were just so glad that he'd stopped coming home
with bruises. You thought he’d stopped getting into fights. Well here’s news
for you, Jared never got into fights, he was bullied and beaten up because he
was smart and too skinny. Michael used that against him to win his trust and
then he abused it, he abused Jared, for years. What do you think was going to
at all those extra tutoring sessions that Jared didn’t need?” Sandy stopped for
breath, knowing she’d said too much but she’d been silent long enough and she
needed their help of she was going to find Jared in time.
 
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” It was Jerry who spoke now, his face pale and his
jaw clenched in anger.
 
“Deadly,” Sandy growled. “Now we have to go warn them that Weatherly is looking
for them before it’s too late.”
 
Jerry grabbed Sherri’s arm and pulled her out to the car. They all scrambled
inside and Jerry peeled out of the driveway and toward the park, not caring
that he was breaking the speed limit. Sandy figured it would probably be a good
thing to get the police's attention anyway, they'd need them.
 
On the way Sherri and Sandy were constantly phoning Jensen and Jared’s cells
but getting no answer.
 
Sandy’s dread only bore deeper when they got to the park and found Jensen’s car
but no Jensen or Jared.
 
“Fuck,” Sandy shouted. “We’ve got to find out where Weatherly could’ve taken
them and pray to God that they’re still alive.”
 
“You really think he’d hurt them?” Sherri asked, her voice laced with worry but
Sandy didn’t care, she spun on the woman.
 
“He fucked your son when he was fifteen years old and told that it was payment
for protecting him against the bullies, he hurt him repeatedly and after he
would always tell Jay he loved him and make Jared say it back. He trained him
to be the perfect fuck toy, to pleasure him without question, he had Jared so
scared and so brainwashed the poor kid didn’t know which way was up,” Sandy
snarled, advancing on a progressively horrified Sherri. “So yeah, I think he’d
really hurt them. When Jared said he’d tell on him, Weatherly said he’d kill
him first, my guess is that he’s here to finish the job.”
 
***
 
Four_Years_Ago
 
 
When Sandy opened her door Jared just stood and stared at her. Blood was dried
in patches on his face and mouth, and matted in his hair where—she later
learned—his head had collided with the china cabinet. His t-shirt was ripped at
the neck, showing dark finger marks bruising the skin.
 
“Fucking hell, Jay. What the fuck happened?” Sandy pulled Jared through the
doorway and couldn’t help but look nervously at the street, just in case
someone was watching, before closing it firmly behind them.
 
“You gotta help me, Sand. I’ve got nowhere else to go.” His voice was harsh,
and he winced as though he were speaking through razor blades.
 
“Who did this to you, Jay?”
 
“I went to tell him the truth; I thought he would help me. I mean, he’s always
supposed to be there for me, right?
 
“Your dad?” Jared nodded, tears rolling freely down his face. “He did this to
you?”
 
Again all Jared could do was nod, and Sandy cursed repetitively under her
breath. “You got to tell someone, go to…”
 
“No!” Jared’s eyes went wide with terror. “No. You can’t talk to anyone, not
even your parents. Please Sand, promise me?” Jared took Sandy’s hands and
gripped tightly as though he was afraid she would run off to blab his secrets
to the world.
 
“But if…”
 
“I just need to get out of here; I thought dad would help me but…” His voice
broke. “I just need some money, just enough to get me out of town.” Jared
released her hands and sank onto the sofa to hold his head in his hands. Sandy
fell to her knees in front of him and placed her hands on his thighs.
 
“Jay, you can’t just…”
 
“He’s going to kill me!” Jared didn’t look up when he spoke softly, but Sandy
could tell by the fear and sadness in his lost voice that he wasn’t
exaggerating, and it was taking everything Jared had not to give up and fall
apart, to welcome the end to his nightmare.
 
“Your dad?” Jared shook his head. Now he did meet her gaze, and all the pieces
fell into place. “Oh, Jay. What did you do?”
 
“I told him no. Not anymore. Never again. Said I’d tell.” Jared let out a
humourless laugh. “He didn’t take it too well.”
 
“Fuck!” Sandy pulled Jared’s head to her shoulder and winced when he hissed at
the pain in his head, but he held onto her like his life depended on it, and
right now, it probably did.
 
“He’s out there now, looking for me. I need to go, get out of San Antonio, as
far away as I can get.”
 
The silence went on for a long minute before Sandy dipped her head to peer into
Jared’s eyes.
 
“Okay Jay, okay. I’ll help,” she promised. The hope that lit up in Jared’s eyes
brought a small smile to her lips, but it was gone the instant it appeared.
“Let’s get you cleaned up, then we’ll go.”
 
 
Fifteen minutes later Jared was hiding his head in Sandy’s car while she went
and bought his bus ticket, his body flinching at the slightest sound. He almost
screamed when Sandy climbed back into the driver’s seat.
 
“Here, this will take you as far as Seattle,” Sandy said, handing over Jared’s
ticket. He took it with a shaky hand and stared at what was about to take him
into an unknown future. “Jay. You’ve got to go,” Sandy prodded gently. “It’s
gonna leave any minute.”
 
Sandy was trying desperately to keep it together, to be the strength she knew
Jared needed her to be, but her voice trembled along with her body as she was
overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. She didn’t want Jared to go, he was her
best friend. She wanted to help him fight, make him go to the police, but she
knew his life was truly in danger, that even his own family couldn’t be
trusted. If he was caught in the wrong place at the wrong time… it didn’t even
bear thinking about. So, no. She wouldn’t argue, she wouldn’t beg him to stay.
Even if Jared did stay Sandy wasn’t sure how much he could take, especially if
the truth came out and everyone knew.
 
Jared nodded and slipped out of the car, eyes darting over every person he
could see and searching for people he couldn’t.
 
They stopped by the bus and Jared turned to face Sandy. His eyes were red and
brimmed with tears as they stared intently at her face, as though trying to
memorise every inch of her, like he was never going to see her again. He looked
so tired; Sandy couldn’t remember when he’d last been as full of life as he
used to be.
 
“Hey,” Sandy said, taking his face in her tiny hands. “You call me when you get
where you’re going, or I’ll hunt your ass down and kick the shit out of you,
you get me?” Jared laughed for a moment, his dimples making an appearance and
his face lighting up with the life and brightness she had hardly seen for
months.
 
“I will. I promise.” Jared swept her into his arms and held her so tight she
thought her lungs would pop.
 
“Take this.” Sandy shoved a handful of bills into his hand. “It’s not much, but
it should keep you fed for a while.”
 
“I can’t…”
 
“You can, and you will,” she said sternly. “Now, get, before I drag you back
home with me.”
 
“Thank you, Sand. Thank you so much.” They hugged again, and Sandy ran a hand
over the bruise building on the side of his face.
 
“You just take care of yourself, okay?” Now the tears did fall, and Jared
brushed them away with his thumb.
 
“You too.”
 
Before Jared could change his mind he touched a light kiss to Sandy’s lips and
climbed up the steps of the waiting bus.
 
“I’m gonna come find you,” Sandy shouted after him. “As soon as I can; you’re
not alone in this, Jay!”
 
When Jared looked out the bus window his face was drenched in tears. He placed
his palm flat against the glass and they stared at each other, best friends
torn apart, until the bus pulled away putting more and more distance between
them; then Jared was gone, and Sandy’s heart broke for them both. Sandy cried
for an hour in her car before heading home to pretend she hadn’t just said
goodbye to the best person she’d ever known.
***** Chapter 19 *****

Author's notes: WARNING AND SPOILER: This chapter contains graphic rape.
===============================================================================
Part 19
 
Jared was lagging by the time he dragged Jensen into the small building. His
side hurt, he thought he’d pulled a few stitches and his terror was so
overwhelming he thought he would explode with it. Slowly Jensen started waking
up, groaning in pain.
 
“Oh thank God,” Jared hissed in his ear. “Jen, baby, I need you to help me
here.”
 
Eventually Jensen managed to find purchase with his feet and Jared finally got
Jensen inside, helping Jensen to sit on the ground. Jared let his gaze run
around the room. He recognised it; he’d been here many times with Michael.
Right where he was standing was where Michael had first fucked him. Slowly,
Jared turned to face Michael, trying to appear strong and not the weak and
terrified little boy he now felt like.
 
“Please, just let him go,” Jared begged, indicating to Jensen. “You’ve got me,
you don’t need him.”
 
Michael locked the door and pulled a bolt across. After fixing a padlock to it
he tossed a pair of hand cuffs to Jared, completely ignoring Jared’s pleas.
 
“Lock him up, to that pipe,” Michael ordered raising his gun at them and
nodding to the pipe that ran across the back wall.
 
“No, Jared, don’t,” Jensen said, still groggy from the blow to the head.
 
“I could always just shoot you,” Michael warned.
 
“Someone would hear the shot,” Jensen smirked bravely.
 
“Not likely, we’re in an old part of the school that hasn’t been used for
years, plus it’s the weekend, there’s no one here but us,” Michael said smugly.
“Now, tie him up, baby boy, I want him to see how to really handle you.”
 
Jared watched the exchanged like a tennis match. He knew Michael was right, no
one would hear anything coming from here, they never had. Jared had screamed
his lungs out in this room plenty of times, Michael had often encouraged it,
and not once had anyone heard and come to his aid.
 
With tears in his eyes and a heavy heart, Jared slowly led Jensen to the pipe
and guided him to sit on the ground, then he fixed the cuffs around Jensen’s
wrists, looping the restraints securely around the pipe above Jensen’s head;
there was no way for Jensen to get away.
 
“I’m so sorry,” Jared sobbed, not able to look Jensen in the eyes.
 
“Jay, listen to me, don’t let him do this. You’re stronger than this. He
doesn’t control you anymore,” Jensen begged Jared to listen to him but Jared
knew Jensen was wrong, he wasn’t strong enough and there was no way he was
putting Jensen in anymore danger because of him, he just wouldn’t. Now was not
the time to make waves.
 
“I think that’s where you’re wrong, isn’t he baby boy? He doesn’t understand
what we share together,” Michael said surprisingly softly, coming up behind
Jared a slipping his hand over Jared’s cock. Jared forced himself to remain
still, to not flinch away from Michael’s touch, no matter how much it sickened
him. “I think it’s about time we show him, don’t you?”
 
Now Jared’s eyes locked with Jensen’s. He could see Jensen pleading with him,
trying to lend him his strength, but nothing was getting through, only
Michael’s hand rubbing Jared’s cock.
 
“Come on, baby boy, get yourself hard for me,” Michael hissed in Jared’s ear.
Jared closed his eyes, willing himself to get hard, opening himself up to the
sensations Michael tried to stimulate in him.
 
Gradually, he felt himself hardening, Michael’s hand curled around him through
his jeans and squeezing just on the side of too hard causing Jared to whimper
quietly. Jared bit his lip trying to stay quiet, he didn’t want to give Michael
anymore satisfaction than possible. “There’s a good boy, see, you can do it,
I’m so proud of you Jared. Now, get on your knees.”
 
Slowly, Jared turned around and fell to his knees, his memories of the amount
of times he’d done this as commanded taking over his brain and controlling his
movements as if on autopilot.
 
“You know what to do,” Michael told him, slipping his hand through Jared’s
hair.
 
Jared was acutely aware of Jensen watching, he forced himself not to look at
him, to focus on the task at hand. Maybe if he did this it would all be over
and he could go back to his life. Jared felt himself shutting down, cutting off
his emotions as best he could, just like he used to, because if he allowed
himself to feel he wouldn’t be able to hold it together.
 
“Jay, don’t,” Jensen whispered. Suddenly, a gun shot rang out and Jensen
screamed in agony. Jared snapped his eyes to Jensen in alarm, he could see
Jensen’s arm was bleeding badly and Jared’s heart nearly stopped. Michael had
shot him, had shot Jensen. What if he’d killed him? Jared couldn’t breathe.
 
“Isn’t he lucky I’m such a good shot?” Michael said softly, tipping Jared’s
head up to look at him and Jared fought to control his breathing, he wouldn’t
freak out, not now, not when Jensen’s life would be the cost. “Aren’t you glad
I didn’t just kill him?” Jared nodded quickly, not wanting to seem ungrateful.
“Well, aren’t you going to thank me?”
 
“T-thank you,” Jared stuttered quietly, more tears falling from his eyes.
 
“That’s not the thanks I meant, baby boy,” Michael said sternly and yet he
still managed to keep a softness to his voice. When Jared appeared to hesitate
Michael frowned. “Do you love him?”
 
Jared looked up at Michael who just stared down at him. Jared knew that Michael
would see if he tried to lie.
 
“Yes,” Jared confessed. He hadn’t wanted this to be the way Jensen found out,
but he couldn’t not say it now. “Yes, I love him. I’m in love with him.”
 
“Then it’s up to you to keep him safe, just like I kept you safe,” Michael told
him and Jared nodded. He understood. He knew what was expected of him and he
knew that if he didn’t do it, Jensen would be killed and probably himself too.
Slowly and with trembling hands, Jared opened Michael’s pants and pulled his
dick out. It still looked the same, even after all these years and Jared
cringed at the sight of it. He wanted to rip of off, he wanted… he wanted a lot
of things he couldn’t have and now wasn’t the time to get angry, he had to
remain calm.
 
“There’s a good boy, now before you start, I want to see you.”
 
Jared’s eyes snapped up to Michael’s, seeing the want and the power in them and
wilting under their glare.
 
“Please, don’t?” Jared begged brokenly. In reply Michael simply raised the gun
and aimed it at Jensen again. Quickly Jared started pulling at his clothes,
yanking his t-shirt over his head.
 
“Can I at least tie this around his arm so he doesn’t bleed out?” Jared asked,
as encouragement he rubbed his face against Michael’s dick, flicking out his
tongue and licking at the head for a split second. Michael sucked in a quick
breath.
 
“Be quick, baby boy,” Michael said breathily.
 
Jared dashed to Jensen’s side, quickly tying his t-shirt tightly around his
arm, stopping the blood flow.
 
“Jared, don’t do this, you don’t have to do this,” Jensen said sharply but
quietly, pleading Jared to put a stop to everything. And really, if Jared knew
of a way then he would, but he didn’t.
 
“You don’t understand, he will kill you, and me, I have to do this. But don’t
worry, I’ve done it before, I can handle it,” Jared whispered and he quickly
brushed his lips against Jensen’s cheek. “I love you,” he whispered. “Please
stay quiet?”
 
Jared backed away from Jensen, watching the tears fall down Jensen’s face as he
shook his head at Jared, mouthing the word ‘don’t’ over and over again. Jared’s
heart clenched. If he did this and they survived, would Jensen ever be able to
touch him again? Or would he be repulsed by the sight of him, by his touch, by
what Jared was about to allow to happen.
 
Turning away defeated, Jared got on his knees in front of Michael again, taking
his dick in his hand and stoking it to full hardness, his heart slowly turning
to stone.
 
“Haven’t you forgotten something?” Michael questioned softly. Cringing, Jared
got back to his feet and pulled off the rest of his cloths until he was
completely naked, shame colouring his cheeks, then he knelt in front of Michael
again and wait for instructions.
 
“Oh Jared. You’re even more beautiful that you used to be. Now let’s see if my
baby boy finally became a man.” Reluctantly, Jared took Michael in his hand
again. “Uh, that’s it, baby boy, show me you haven’t forgotten everything I
taught you,” Michael moaned, he twisted his hand painfully in Jared’s hair,
holding his head close against his groin. “I see you kept your hair long, just
as I like it, there’s my good boy.”
 
Jared fought against the nausea and opened his mouth to take Michael’s cock.
Michael groaned above him and it was like all his nightmares suddenly becoming
reality. Jared closed his eyes and took Michael deep into his throat, working
his tongue just the way he’d been taught to, those lessons he would never be
able to forget. “Fucking look at me,” Michael snarled and yanked at his head.
 
Remembering, Jared quickly raised his eyes to meet Michael’s, he wasn’t allowed
to look away, Michael liked to see the tears in his eyes and the tears fell,
drenching his cheeks.
 
He sucked harder, deep throating Michael, just the way he remembered he liked
it. Suddenly, Michael was fucking his mouth and all Jared could do was open up
and take it, keeping his eyes fixed on Michael’s through his tears.
 
 
~~~
 
 
Jensen watched in horror as Jared opened his mouth to Michael, taking his cock
inside his mouth. He watched Michael’s hands tighten in Jared’s hair and
noticed Jared wince slightly at the pain.
 
His eyes ran up to Michael’s and that’s when he noticed Michael was staring at
him. Jensen glared right back, swearing with his eyes that he would kill the
son of a bitch.
 
He listened as Michael praised Jared, all the while smirking at Jensen, showing
him what he could never have. But Jensen knew that he didn’t understand. This
wasn’t the Jared he wanted, he didn’t want a sub, he wanted a partner, someone
to share things with not someone to take things from.
 
He pulled against his restraints again, ignoring the pain in his arm, too
fuelled on anger to worry about it. He new he was crying, his chest was heaving
and painfully tight and he wanted to wipe away the sight before his eyes, but
he daren’t look away, if he did that then he would be abandoning Jared, and
there was nothing in this world that would make him do that.
 
Michael turned his attention back to Jared, noticing that Jared’s eyes were
squeezing shut, his lips pulled into a snarl and Jensen winced when Michael
yanked on Jared’s hair, ordering Jared to look at him. Jared did as he was told
and then it was like Jensen was forgotten. It was just Michael and Jared, their
eyes locked together. Michael’s cold and hard, and Jared’s pained and tearful
and so damn scared Jensen thought he would die.
 
Still gripping with one hand, Michael began to pump in and out of Jared’s
mouth; he forced himself so deep Jensen didn’t know how Jared wasn’t choking on
him. But Jared’s eyes didn’t leave Michael’s for a second; he let Michael fuck
his mouth and just took everything given to him. Jensen heart broke for Jared,
little by little.
 
 
~~~
 
 
Suddenly, Michael was pulling out, Jared frowned; Michael hadn’t come yet, why
was he stopping? Michael dropped to his knees, staring Jared in his confused
eyes.
 
“Kiss me,” he ordered, and Jared immediately leaned forward to kiss him.
Michael pulled away in disgust. “No, kiss me like you were kissing him.”
 
Jared followed Michael’s gaze to where Jensen sat panting with the pain in his
arm, tears falling down his pale face and murder in his eyes. Jensen shook his
head, begging Jared not to do it. Jared tried his best to send him a reassuring
smile. He could never kiss Michael like he kissed Jensen, because when he
kissed Jensen he actually felt something other than disgust. He enjoyed kissing
Jensen, he loved kissing him; there was no way he could imitate that with
Michael. But had to try and fake it, give Michael something he hadn’t since
they had first gotten together, back when Jared really did have feelings for
him.
 
He turned back to Michael and grabbed him by the head, crashing their lips
together, closing his eyes and kissing him deeply, shoving his tongue inside
and licking around Michael’s mouth. He could hear Jensen sob and silently
apologised to him, hoping Jensen could tell the difference in the kisses.
 
“There’s my boy,” Michael announced when he pulled away suddenly. Then he spun
Jared around and shoved him onto his hands and knees. Jared hung his head in
shame and defeat; he knew what was to come next. “You’ve been such a good boy,
Jared; it’s time for your reward.” Michael grabbed Jared’s hips and pulled his
ass back to meet the head of his cock.
 
“You want your reward don’t you, baby boy?” Michael asked softly and Jared
nodded, his tears dripping onto the floor. “I can’t hear you.”
 
“Yes, please, I-I’ve been s-so good,” Jared stammered, the words burning his
throat as they came out, his voice rough from where his mouth had been fucked
raw. “Please, c-can I have m-my reward?”
 
“Of course you can, baby, but you have to do something for me first,” Michael
told him, rubbing a soothing hand over his back while pushing his dick against
Jared’s entrance, like a constant threat that Jared took very seriously.
 
“Anything,” Jared chocked on the word, wanting to give Michael nothing.
 
“Look at him,” Michael ordered and Jared forced himself to look at Jensen,
seeing the blood trailing down his raised arms and soaking into his t-shirt,
Jared couldn’t tell if he was bleeding too badly or not, he just hoped he could
get him to a hospital in time. “Now, tell him who you love and why.”
 
“I—” Jared stopped, his face and heart crumbling. Michael pulled on his hair
painfully. “Ah, I love Michael,” Jared cried, his automatic reflexes to obey
kicking in. “I love Michael because he’s so good to me; h-he makes me f-feel
special and makes me feel s-so good. He l-looks after me l-like no one else c-
can and I-I love him with all my h-heart.” Jared sobbed, forcing himself to
keep eye contact with Jensen, afraid of what would happen if he didn’t, but he
tried desperately to tell Jensen with his eyes that nothing he said was true,
he didn’t mean a word of it.
 
Jensen’s face was filled with so many emotions, hate, anger, remorse, guilt,
sorrow, disgust, but the most important, the one Jared focused on was love, he
could see love in Jensen’s eyes and it was directed at him. Knowing his face
was away from Michael’s, Jared bore his eyes into Jensen’s and mouthed the
words I love you.
 
He saw Jensen nod slightly and managed a small smile. Jensen knew, he knew what
was really in his heart no matter what he was forced to say and that gave him
some hope. Resigned to his fate Jared returned the smile, tiny as it was, it
was something, something they could have for each other, something that no one
could take from them, and they needed that right now.
 
“Good boy, now what do you want me to do? What do you want for your reward?”
Michael asked and Jared’s smile disappeared. Of course Michael would make him
ask for it, make him beg. Suddenly, Michael pulled Jared’s hair, yanking his
head back. “And I’d be very careful about the answer you give if I were you,”
he warned, turning Jared’s head to see the gun aimed at Jensen. Jared’s eyes
widened, his stomach clenched and his breath caught in his throat.
 
“I want you to fuck me,” Jared said automatically, urgently, his terrified eyes
never leaving the gun that was trained so perfectly on Jensen. “I want you to
make me feel so good.”
 
“I thought you’d never fucking ask,” Michael growled and pushed his cock into
Jared’s hole. At first Jared thought he was going to be gentle, but as soon as
he’d breached the opening he slammed himself home and Jared screamed in agony.
“Ah, so fucking tight baby boy. Have you been saving yourself for me all these
years?” Michael moaned as he fucked Jared hard. Jared’s screams didn’t die out,
the pain was too intense, every thrust split him open, shooting agonising bolts
through his body.
 
“Look at him,” Michael ordered. “Show him how good I make you feel.” Jared’s
head was twisted to stay locked on Jensen; he could see Jensen fighting with
his restraints desperately trying to get himself free.
 
“Tell me, baby boy, let me hear it,” Michael cried as he fucked into Jared’s
body.
 
“Ah, s-so good, it feels so g-good. F-fuck me h-harder. Please,” Jared managed
to force out, his voice almost giving up on him, while his eyes tried to draw
strength from Jensen’s. But all he saw in Jensen’s eyes now was pain and
despair.
 
As requested, that thrusts became harder. Michael gripped his waist and pulled
him back firmly, slapping them together faster and faster. The stitches on
Jared’s stomach pulled and Jared felt his wound being torn open, but that was
nothing to the torture of being fucked so brutally.
 
Jared’s thighs shook with the effort to stay upright; he clenched his fists on
the floor and ground his teeth. He could hear Jensen calling out his name,
Jensen was screaming at him, telling Michael to stop, but that wouldn’t happen,
not until Michael was done.
 
 
~~~
 
 
When Jared kissed Michael, Jensen felt a surge of jealousy rage through him, he
almost looked away, a sob breaking through and escaping his mouth. But as he
watched, he realised that Jared wasn’t doing as Michael asked. That was nothing
like how Jared kissed Jensen, it was hard and rough and passionless.
 
When Jared kissed Jensen it was always soft and slow, careful and deliberate
with every move he made. Of course, sometimes it would become intense, but it
was always filled with passion and desire, nothing like what Jared was giving
Michael now.
 
Jensen understood, and as much as he hated it, he knew that Michael had been
trying to drive a wedge between them, take something from them, but Jensen
understood now that that would never happen. Everything Michael took was fake.
 
Michael appeared satisfied with his fake kiss, but then he was forcing Jared
onto his hands and knees, praising him for being good, making Jared ask for
more.
 
When Michael forced Jared to talk about how much he loved Michael, Jensen tuned
it out; knowing none of it was true. He tried to show Jared how much he loved
him in just a glance, and when Jared mouthed ‘I love you,’ Jensen smiled. Jared
smiled back, and for a moment it was just the two of them; Michael couldn’t get
into their world. It was just a moment, but it was something.
 
Jensen flinched as the gun was pointed back at him again, but he raised his
head, gritting his teeth as he listened to Jared begging Michael to fuck him.
He tried so hard to remain still, to not show how much all this was getting to
him, when in reality he wanted to beat Michael to death with his bare hands,
choke the very life from him, rip him apart, then curl around Jared, keeping
him safe and finding that place in Jared’s arms where everything was always
okay.
 
But he couldn’t, not the way Jared screamed when Michael forced himself into
Jared’s body. Jensen had never heard anything like it. Jared was howling in
pain, the torture evident on his face. Jensen pulled on the cuffs around his
wrists; he knew he was tearing the skin there but he didn’t care, he just
wanted to be free so he could get that evil motherfucker off his boyfriend.
 
Michael made Jared look at Jensen, then Jared started telling Michael how good
it felt, how he wanted more, harder, and Jensen seethed with rage. Every word
from Jared’s mouth had been put there, trained into him; the only part of Jared
left in this whole situation was the pained terror on his face, the tears in
his eyes.
 
Jared looked about ready to give up; his body shook, and Jensen thought maybe
Jared would pass out. He dreaded to think what would be the consequence of
that.
 
“Jared,” Jensen found himself shouting. “Jay, stay with me here, Jared!” he
screamed.
 
Michael grinned at him, grunting loudly as he pushed harder into Jared’s broken
body.
 
“Stop it, you’re fucking killing him; stop it,” Jensen demanded, begged; he
didn’t care; he just wanted it over. He yanked at his restraints, but still
they wouldn’t give, and Jensen was at a loss of what to do; there was no way he
could help. Something in Jensen died right then.
 
 
~~~
 
 
Suddenly, Michael pulled out and forced Jared to turn around. Jared was in a
total daze for a moment and just went along with it.
 
“Open wide, baby boy,” Michael hissed. Jared immediately did as he was told and
let Michael fuck his mouth deep until Michael was coming hard. “If you puke
this up; I will shoot his dick off,” Michael promised indicating Jensen, as
Jared swallowed his release down as quickly as he could. Just the threat made
him want to gag, but he breathed deeply through his nose and kept it all down;
he’d trained himself too well to fail himself now.
 
Once everything was done—the come was swallowed, the orgasm was over—Michael
threw Jared to the ground and tucked himself away.
 
As Jared hit the ground, he stopped. He stopped caring, stopped feeling; he
just stopped. He’d done what he had to do; there was nothing left for him now.
Jensen wouldn’t want to be with him, not now that he knew what a whore Jared
was. Michael’s job was complete. He had successfully killed Jared, or at least
killed his spirit.
 
Michael seated himself on the ground and held his arms out. Without having to
be told, Jared crawled his way over, using trembling arms and legs to settle
himself in Michael’s arms, pressing his back against Michael’s chest while
Michael brushed a hand through his hair. Jared curled up into a ball, pulling
his legs close to his body and leaning his head against Michael’s chest, taking
what comfort was offered.
 
“I love you,” Michael said softly, pressing a kiss to Jared’s head.
 
“I love you too,” Jared said vacantly. Even though his body still cried out in
pain; his emotions were gone, fucked out of him, everything he’d fought so long
and hard to achieve, gone.
 
Jared sobbed silently, the only reaction he could make his body have. And yet a
large part of him was grateful Michael hadn’t asked him to come. His dick had
gone soft long before Michael even penetrated him, and Jared wasn’t sure he’d
ever get it hard again.
 
“Shh, it’s okay, baby boy. You were so good, I’m so proud of you,” Michael
praised. “And when I get back, I’ll make sure you get what’s coming to you.”
 
Then Jared was pushed hard to the ground and Michael was leaving them behind.
Jared curled around himself and let himself cry as Michael left. He heard the
door being locked behind and then it was just him and Jensen, alone.
 
“Jay? Jay? Baby, talk to me?” Jensen called softly through his heart aching
crying.
 
Jared slowly pushed himself up and completely naked he crawled over to Jensen,
his body screamed in agony with every movement he made. Finally he was on his
knees in front of Jensen and lifting his hand to the restraints. He used the
key in his hand to undo the cuffs around Jensen’s wrists.
 
Jensen stared at him in wonder.
 
“How did you—?
 
“The only time he never pays attention to anything is when he’s coming,” Jared
said numbly. Once Jensen’s restraints were released Jared knew he’d done as
much as he could. He let himself collapse to the ground, his naked body
shivering uncontrollably. “The window,” he whispered. “We used to come here;
you can get out through the window.”
 
“I’m not leaving you here,” Jensen said sternly and Jared forced himself to
look at Jensen.
 
“If he comes back and you’re still here, he will kill you. He’s had his fun,
he’s made his point, he’s taken away everything he can from me. You’re of no
use to him now, you’re just a liability,” Jared used all of his strength to
say. “I’m not strong enough to make it, you’re going to have to go and get me
help.” Jared uncurled slightly to show Jensen where his stitches had been
pulled, blood slowly seeping through the half healed wound.
 
Jensen set his face. “I’m not leaving you here,” he repeated firmly, he started
gathering up Jared’s cloths and helping him into them. Jared was too weak to
protest but hissed in pain at most movement. He wanted to tell Jensen again to
leave him behind, but he knew it was pointless, Jensen had made up his mind and
he had no choice but to go with it.
 
Jensen helped Jared over to the window, it opened easily and Jensen immediately
started pushing Jared out. Jared fell to the ground with a thud and Jensen
followed him out quickly, helping Jared to his feet.
 
“Come on, you can make it,” Jensen said gruffly, the pain in his arm and the
strain of holding a weak and damaged Jared taking its toll in him.
 
They staggered along the path, coming in sight of the fence that would lead to
the outside world.
 
“We’re nearly there, and then we’ll be safe,” Jensen told him, but Jared
couldn’t respond. He just focused on putting one foot in front of the other,
which was what he was supposed to do, right? So that’s what he did.
 
“I should’ve fucking known,” Michael’s voice came from behind them. “You’re
such a fucking slut, Jared.” Jared came back to reality at the sound of
Michael’s voice; it stunned him back to the present. It wasn’t over, he’d
thought it was over, but Jensen’s not safe yet, he’s still here, if only he’d
left him behind as Jared had told him too, he’d be safe by now.
 
“Michael, please, just let us go?” Jared begged, forcing Jensen behind him with
a strength that surprised both of them.
 
“Oh, I don’t think so, baby boy,” Michael said harshly. “You know the rules, if
I can’t have you, then nobody can.”
 
Michael raised his gun and a shot rang out. Jared felt his body being pulled to
the ground by Jensen; they hit the dirt with a thud. Jared was shaking; he
didn’t feel any extra pain, had he been shot? Had Jensen?
 
Gradually, he shook off the shock and moved his eyes; they fell on Michael,
laying on the ground bleeding.
 
“You stay the fuck away from my son, you sick fuck,” growled a familiar voice.
 
“Daddy?” Jared gasped as Jerry came into view, smoking gun trained on Michael
and then he could hear sirens wailing, coming towards them. Jared could feel
arms around him, holding him close.
 
“I’ve got you, I love you, I’ve got you,” Jensen repeated in his ear, but Jared
just watched as everything happened in slow motion.
 
Michael was taken away in an ambulance with a police escort. Jensen and Jared
were taken in a separate ambulance. Jensen gave his statement and Jared numbly
answered questions, not really paying attention to anything. He just spoke the
truth, about everything. He vaguely remembered Sandy wrapping her arm around
him and Jensen kissing him and telling him to get some rest. So he closed his
eyes and fell into a dreamless sleep.
 
 
***
 
 
Jensen sat by Jared for weeks, waiting for him to come out of it, but Jared
just sat there. He would sometimes speak if you asked him a random question
like what the weather was doing or what was playing on the telly, but anything
that required actual thought he didn’t seem to be able to process.
 
Jensen hated seeing Jared in a mental hospital; it wasn’t the right place for
him. Jensen wanted to take him home, back to Seattle where things would be
familiar for Jared, but they wouldn’t let him. The doctors kept saying that
this was the best place for him for the moment and Jared’s mom refused to let
him be moved away from her.
 
Jensen sat by Jared’s chair again, like he had every day. He held his hand and
talked, he talked about everything and anything.
 
“Sandy called today,” he told Jared. Jared just stared into space. “You
remember, she had to go back to Seattle because she couldn’t take anymore time
out of college. Anyway, she told me that the opening of Tom’s has been put
back, again. Apparently, to guy he had in to do the worked completely fucked
him over, made a right mess of things and now he’s had to get someone else in
to redo the entire thing.”
 
Jensen stared at Jared, waiting for a reaction, but there was none. Jensen
sighed and continued to tell him the news, just praying that something was
getting through.
 
“But don’t worry, Tom says he’s got enough money to cover it, and he’s totally
suing the guy that messed everything up.” Jensen had to try and keep the sorrow
from his voice, but after weeks of talking to Jared like this, of getting
little to no response, he wasn’t sure what he could do.
 
“Come on, Jay. Talk to me, please?” Jensen begged. “Please, Jay. I miss you, I
love you, please come back to me?”
 
Jensen was so close to breaking down. He’d tried everything but nothing was
getting through. He didn’t understand why his love wasn’t enough.
 
“I love you, Jay. Jared, do you hear me? I love you so much, and I’m not giving
up on you, no matter what. You’re stuck with me, man, I’m going to be annoying
you for a long time yet to come whether you talk to me or not, do you
understand me? I love you so God damn much. I never thought I’d find someone
like you, someone as amazing as you, but there you were, walking into my life
and blowing everything out of proportion. Nothing and no one will ever live up
to you. Come on, Jay, please? I love you.” Jensen knew he was begging but he
didn’t care. He just wanted Jared back.
 
“Jensen.” The voice startled Jensen, he looked to Jared to see if it was him
that had spoken, but Jared seemed as elusive as usual. Jensen felt a hand on
his shoulder; he turned to see Jerry Padalecki standing behind him.
 
“He still hasn’t spoken much,” Jensen told Jared’s father, wiping tears from
his eyes as he watched Jerry take a seat next to Jared.
 
“You’ve been so good to him,” Jerry said quietly, looking at the ground. “I’ve
listened to you speak to him, day after day.”
 
“You’ve been here?” Jensen asked aghast. “Why didn’t you say something?”
 
“I didn’t know what to say,” Jerry explained. “How do I tell my son that I’m
sorry that I let him down so badly? How do I tell him how sorry I am? How can I
possibly make it right with him?”
 
“Telling him would be a good start,” Jensen told him.
 
“I’m his father,” Jerry said brokenly. “I should have protected him from these
things; I should have seen what was going on and stopped it. I failed him, and
I don’t think I can ever earn the right to be a part of his life again.”
 
“Well, that shouldn’t stop you from trying,” Jensen said gently, understanding
that Jerry felt awful about everything that had happened. “And I think you’ll
find that Jared is a lot more understanding that you may think.” He gazed at
Jared lovingly. “He’s the best person I’ve ever met. I think a portion of that
has to come from you.”
 
“I’ve got some news,” Jerry said quietly. “I came to tell my son.”
 
Jensen nodded and moved out of the seat next to Jared so Jerry could take his
place.
 
Jerry smiled slightly and sat in the vacant seat. He took his sons hand and
squeezed it firmly.
 
“Jared. I’ve come to tell you… Michael’s been sent away, he’s going to be in
prison for a long time for what he did to you, and for what he did to Jensen,”
Jerry said, his voice sounding slightly desperate, as if he thought that
telling Jared this would bring him out of his stupor. “You don’t have you don’t
have to worry anymore, it’s going to be okay, he can’t get to you anymore.”
 
Jensen let out a sigh of relief. He’d been with Jared the whole time and hadn’t
been able to go to the court. He hadn’t known that Michael had been sentenced,
but now knowing that he had, well, he would have felt better if Jared had been
there to celebrate with him.
 
“But Jared,” Jerry continued. “You have to snap out of it. Because you shutting
down like this? Michael's winning, even now, he’s got one over on you; he’s
still controlling your life. Don’t let him, son. You’re strong enough; I
believe that, you’re strong enough to fight him. You’ve got a wonderful man
here just waiting to be with you, to take you home and live his life with you,
don’t leave him alone because of Michael, don’t let Michael take that happiness
away from you.”
 
Jensen listened in shock. He had never in a million year thought he would hear
Jerry Padalecki say those words, but here he was, in effect approving of their
relationship. Jensen rubbed his eyes tiredly. He had no idea if Jared could
hear his father’s words but he prayed they were getting through because Jared
had waited so long to hear them.
 
Beside him Jerry gasped. Jensen turned his attention back to father and son and
he saw Jared’s eyes slowly come into focus.
 
“Daddy?” Jared said, his voice weak from lack of use.
 
“Yeah, yeah Jared, it’s me, it’s dad. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.
You’re safe now, I promise you, you’re always going to be safe now,” Jerry
swore and Jensen had to smile at the man, he may have made a huge mistake all
that time ago but he was trying his hardest to make it right.
 
“Daddy?” Jared said again, his eyes focusing more and more on Jerry. Jerry
choked out a sob and Jared reached out a hand to him, they grasped hands and
slowly Jared smiled, he smiled for his father and although Jensen was overjoyed
that Jared was coming around, he couldn’t help the stab of jealousy that hit
him. He’d been the one there everyday, he’d been the one talking to Jared,
spending his time telling him how much he loved him and how good things were
going to be when Jared got better, and now, Jerry, who had betrayed Jared’s
trust in the worse possible way came by, just once, for the first time, and
Jared’s suddenly coherent? How is that fair?
 
Jensen shook it off. He wasn’t going to hold this against Jared, he couldn’t.
Okay, so it hurt a bit, but he’d get over it. Slowly he backed away, intending
to give Jared and his father some room, some space to talk.
 
“Jensen,” Jerry said suddenly. “Don’t go. My son needs you.” Jensen stood there
shocked for a moment, not knowing what to say.
 
“Jen?” Jared called softly, his hand waving around as if searching blindly for
him. Quickly Jensen grasped his hand and knelt beside the bed.
 
“I’m here, Jay. I’m here, I’ve always been here,” Jensen sobbed, the idea that
Jared was awake stunning him.
 
“I thought I was dreaming you,” Jared said, holding tightly onto his hand.
“You’re still here?”
 
“Of course I’m still here, where else would I possibly be?” Jensen said
incredulously. “I love you, Jared. I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me
to.”
 
“You love me?” Jared asked, as though the idea confused him. “How can you love
me?”
 
“How could I not?” Jensen frowned, why did Jared think himself so unlovable? “I
love you because you are the most amazing person I have ever met, because you
make me happier than anybody ever has. No one has ever come close to matching
how important you are in my life. You’re everything to me, Jay, everything.
Please stay with me, please stay in my life?” Jensen knew he was begging but he
didn’t care, he knew Jerry was listening, watching and he couldn’t give a shit.
He needed Jared to know how he felt, he just prayed Jared felt the same.
 
“You love me,” Jared said, as if telling himself. “And you still want me?”
 
“Yes, Jay. I still want you, I never stopped wanting you,” Jensen assured him,
kissing his hand desperately.
 
“Even after… everything I did, everything you saw?” Jared questioned, curling
into himself a little as he spoke.
 
“That wasn’t you, Jay. That was someone Michael created,” Jensen told him
firmly. “That’s not the person I fell in love with. Sure it will always be a
part of you, but it doesn’t define who you are.”
 
“I love you,” Jared sobbed, leaning forward and grasping at Jensen until he had
him in his arms. “I love you so much.”
 
Jensen’s heart soared. He fell into Jared’s arms, letting Jared pull him closer
and hold him so tight it hurt.
 
“I love you, too,” Jensen promised, tears of joy soaking into Jared’s clothes.
Suddenly, they were kissing, fast and needy, Jensen on his knees in front of
Jared’s chair. Jared’s hands felt over Jensen’s body, as if trying to reassure
himself that Jensen was actually there, that this wasn’t some figment of his
imagination.
 
Behind Jensen, Jerry cleared his throat. As fast as lightning Jensen and Jared
broke apart, looking worriedly at Jerry. Jensen cursed himself, they’d just
been making out in front of Jared’s dad, how stupid could they get? He knew
what Jerry had said but that didn’t mean he was ready to watch that.
 
“I’m, uh, I’m just going to go get the doctor,” Jerry said, his eyes looking
anywhere but at them, his cheeks flushed bright red. “I’ll leave you two to,
um, catch up.” Just before he left the room Jerry focused on Jared, and he
smiled, a God’s honest smile.
 
“Dad?” Jared stopped him in his tracks. Jerry turned back and waited. “I love
you, dad.”
 
“I love you, too, son,” Jerry said, and every fibre of him showed that it was
heartfelt and honest.
 
“You saved my life,” Jared said in wonder. Jerry moved to his side and took his
hand.
 
“I should have done a lot more, a long time ago. None of this should ever have
happened,” Jerry said, his voice filled with sorrow and regret.
 
“But then I would never have met Jensen,” Jared said with a smile. “And I
wouldn’t change that for anything.”
 
Jerry smiled; he leaned forward and kissed Jared on the forehead before getting
up and leaving the room. Jared turned to Jensen, linking their hands together.
 
“Can I go home now?” he asked.
 
“Where’s home, Jay?” Jensen questioned, afraid he would want to stay in Texas
with his folks.
 
“Seattle, with you,” Jared grinned.
 
“As soon as you’re ready,” Jensen grinned back and kissed his boyfriend deeply.
***** Chapter 20 *****

Author's notes: and Epilogue. Last part folks, then it's all over.
===============================================================================
Part 20
 
When Jared walked through the door of his apartment in Seattle it was serial to
say the least. It was like he hadn’t left. Sandy had been round and filled the
fridge, organized and cleaned everything; the place was spotless, better than
he usually kept it himself.
 
It wasn’t that late but the drive had been long, and Jared just wanted to curl
up in bed with Jensen, just like they used to.
 
“Do you wanna unpack now, or save it till tomorrow?” Jensen asked, setting down
their bags and closing the door.
 
“Tomorrow, definitely,” Jared said decidedly. “I could’ve helped carry those
you know.”
 
“I know,” Jensen laughed. “But I wanted to; I didn’t want your first memory of
coming home to be with your hands full of luggage.”
 
“You’re amazing, you know that?” Jared moved over to kiss Jensen, taking his
head in his large hands and guiding Jensen’s lips to his.
 
“I have been told,” Jensen replied cheekily against Jared’s lips. Jared grinned
and slipped a hand around Jensen’s waist, pulling him close.
 
As they kissed they slowly edged their way to the bedroom, bumping into the
wall beside the door and stopping there to kiss some more.
 
They’d done a few things since Jared had gotten better, but Jared knew that
Jensen was holding back. He was afraid of hurting him, or that Jared would
freak out, plus they’d been at Jared’s parents place and Jensen was still very
nervous about doing things around them.
 
“Come on,” Jensen said, pulling away and taking Jared’s hand. “Let’s get some
sleep.”
 
Jared followed Jensen into the bedroom, trying to stifle a yawn as he went.
They stripped to their boxers and climbed into bed, curling up in each others
arms, Jensen’s head resting against Jared’s chest.
 
Jared looked down at Jensen’s peaceful face, his eyes were closed and a small
smiled played at the edge of his full lips. His chest constricted just looking
at Jensen, the amount that Jared loved him was almost painful.
 
“Jen?” Jared whispered, kissing Jensen’s head.
 
“Yeah, Jay?” Jensen whispered back.
 
“Will you do something for me?” Jared asked nervously.
 
“Anything,” Jensen answered immediately.
 
“Make love to me?” he asked softly, shyly. Jensen’s head shot up, his eyes were
almost comically wide. He opened his mouth to speak, and then shut it again. He
studied Jared for a moment and Jared let him, keeping their eyes locked.
 
“Um, I don’t know—” Jensen began uncertainly.
 
“I want you to show me how it’s supposed to feel,” Jared interrupted before he
could finish his thought. “Everyone says how good it’s supposed to be but I’ve
never gotten to feel that. In all the times I’ve been fucked, I’ve never once
found anything about it I liked. So please, show me what I’m missing out on?”
Jared requested, almost pleaded. When Jensen hesitated, Jared spoke again. “I’m
not asking you to fuck me. I’m asking you to make love to me.”
 
Jensen looked thoughtful, resting his head against Jared’s chest again and
pressing light kisses into his skin. A slight shiver ran through Jensen and
Jared could feel him growing hard against his thigh, obviously just the thought
it was turning him on.
 
“Are you sure?” Jensen asked quietly, not looking away from his chest.
 
“Yeah, I’m more than sure,” Jared told him. He put his fingers under Jensen’s
chin and tipped his head to look at him.
 
“But, we don’t have anything—” Jensen started, but Jared just leaned away, he
reached into his bedside draw and came back with lube and condoms.
 
“Where did you get those from?” Jensen chuckled slightly, but couldn’t keep the
shock out of his voice.
 
“Sandy, she said it was for just in case. She gave them to me a while ago, told
me it was better to be prepared.” Jared blushed and bit his lip slightly.
 
“C’mere?” Jensen pulled him down for a kiss. Jared went willingly, taking
control of it and kissing Jensen deeper.
 
Jared moved his hands over Jensen’s body, caressing the his naked back and
running them so gently over his sides that Jensen squirmed and chuckled from
the light touch tickling him. Slowly, Jared slipping his hands under Jensen’s
boxers, pushing them down over his ass. Jensen took the hint and wiggled out of
the underwear, coming back to help Jared out of his.
 
Then Jensen began trailing soft kisses up Jared’s chest, moaning softly as he
licked the slight sweat from Jared’s skin. Jared tipped his head back, closed
his eyes and enjoyed the touch, the attention. Each kiss was pure ecstasy,
Jared gasped as Jensen sucked on one of his nipples, swirling his tongue around
it. By the time Jensen reached Jared’s lips, Jared was breathing harshly.
 
Jared slipped his fingers into Jensen’s hair and held him there, licking his
way into his mouth. He put everything he had into the kiss, everything that was
him, trying to show Jensen in his actions just how much he loved him. Jensen
pulled away, gulping down air, panting hotly against Jared’s lips as he settled
on his side next to Jared, Jared turned to face him.
 
“Please tell me you’ve thought about this?” Jensen checked, eyes searching for
the truth.
 
“I have, and I’m sure, this is what I want to do,” then a thought entered
Jared’s head. “But if you don’t—”
 
“I do, God Jay, believe me I do,” Jensen assured him.
 
“Okay then,” Jared smiled and leaned over, kissing Jensen firmly.
 
Jared pulled back and watched as Jensen slicked up his fingers and gently
lowered his hand to come between Jared’s legs. His heart began to race, but not
one single doubt entered his mind. He wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t as nervous
as Hell, the trembling of his body could attest to that. But he held Jensen’s
gaze and took a deep breath.
 
Jared flinched as Jensen touched his opening but forced himself to stay still,
he could do this, he wanted to do this. Ever so slowly, Jensen pushed one
finger inside. Jared gasped and clung to him.
 
“It’s okay,” Jensen promised. “Let me know if you want me to stop or slow down,
okay?”
 
Jared nodded against his shoulder as he held on tight. Jensen slowly moved his
finger inside him, circling it around. Slowly, Jared began to relax.
 
“That’s it, Jay. It’s only me, it’s Jensen.” At Jensen’s soft words Jared
relaxed even more. He turned his head to kiss against Jensen’s neck, focusing
on the little moans the simple move brought from Jensen.
 
Jensen added a second finger and Jared moaned, pushing back against him
slightly. Jensen was taking such care in preparing him; the feeling of his
fingers stroking the walls inside Jared was exhilarating. Jensen moved his head
so he could find Jared’s lips.
 
“You okay?” he asked before his kissed him.
 
“Yeah,” Jared said, nodding his head and offering Jensen a little smile.
“More.”
 
Jensen smiled and added a third finger, pulling a gasp from Jared as he pushed
back against his hand. Jared released his death grip on Jensen’s arm to pull
him into a kiss, his entire body wanting more, needing more but he wasn’t sure
he could get enough. It had never felt like this before, never been this
amazing and they’d only just started, Jared wasn’t sure he could survive
through the whole thing.
 
White hot pleasure suddenly coursed through Jared, a shocking wave of bliss
shot into every nerve ending and Jared couldn’t help but cry out. Then it was
gone and Jared was left shivering in the after effects.
 
“Holy shit, was that…?” Jared couldn’t even finish his sentence; his breath was
coming hard and fast as he looked at Jensen in wonder.
 
“Yeah, that was it,” Jensen grinned and flexed his fingers inside Jared. “Wanna
feel it again?”
 
“Hell yes,” Jared growled and Jensen pushed against the bundle of nerves again.
Jared screamed in ecstasy, his head flung back, his eyes squeezed shut. All he
could feel was the amazing sensations pulsing through his body as Jensen
continued to tease that spot inside him.
 
“Jen, please…” Jared gasped, panting into Jensen’s shoulder. He could feel his
climax building fast but he wasn’t ready to let go yet.
 
“You ready for me, Jay?” Jensen questioned, stretching is fingers inside Jared
as far as he could.
 
“I’m ready,” Jared confirmed quickly. His heart was beating so fast he wondered
how it kept up with itself. “God, Jen. I’m so ready.”
 
Jensen pulled his fingers free, eliciting a little moan from Jared. He quickly
slipped on the condom and slicked himself up.
 
Slowly, Jensen pushed Jared onto his back, settling himself over him. Jared
frowned at him, confused. He’d been expecting Jensen to want him on all fours,
to take him from behind. Jensen just smiled.
 
“I want you to see me, and only me,” Jensen explained. “Don’t worry; it’ll be
amazing, I promise.” A surge of emotion ran through Jared, Jensen was being so
careful, every movement, every action was made purposefully to make this the
best for Jared that it could be.
 
“Kiss me?” Jared asked and Jensen was only too happy to comply.
 
As they kissed, Jensen slowly pushed against Jared’s opening. Jared tensed
straight away, ripping away from the kiss and slamming his eyes shut. His
breath became short and shallow; quick gulps of air that didn’t contain enough
oxygen.
 
“Hey, look at me,” Jensen called gently. “Look at me and know it’s me, okay?”
 
Jared opened his eyes. Jensen was gazing down at him, his eyes soft and his
features patient. Jared knew that no matter what, he had the control here;
Jensen had given that to him. Jared was the one calling the shots and he didn’t
have to worry about upsetting Jensen, he didn’t have to be afraid of making him
angry or pissing him off.
 
Jared began to relax, his breathing slowed as he calmed down. Keeping their
eyes locked on one another’s, Jensen slowly pushed further in. He stopped every
inch or so to let Jared adjust around him. His movements were so foreign to
Jared, the slow pace strange but completely welcome. Jared gradually stretched
around Jensen, letting him into his body bit by bit.
 
Once Jensen was fully sheathed in Jared he stopped all movement. Jared watched
Jensen watching him. Then Jensen leaned down and dusted kisses over Jared’s
lips, and Jared relaxed further. Eventually, Jensen spoke, eyes on Jared, the
love that shone in them boring into Jared’s soul and filling it with joy.
 
“You ready?”
 
“Yeah, I’m ready,” Jared smiled and Jensen began to move.
 
It was just slow at first, gentle movements, even thrusts. They didn’t stop
looking at one another, locked on each others expressions, on every twitch of
each others faces.
 
Jared concentrated on the feel of Jensen moving within him. Jensen agonizingly
slowly pulled out; he paused for a moment before just a slowly pushing back in.
The gentle rub stimulating Jared in ways he’d never felt before.
 
“Okay?” Jensen asked, his voice shaking with his body, the strain of holding on
starting to show.
 
“How could I not have known?” Jared whispered.
 
“Known what?” Jensen queried, pausing slightly, concern on his writing on his
face.
 
“That it could feel like this!” Jared said. “It’s amazing, Jen. I’ve never…
God, please, Jen, more?”
 
Jensen complied, speeding up his thrusts slightly while Jared writhed beneath
him. Then Jensen shifted position, as he did, his next push hit Jared’s
prostate, and Jared screamed, clinging onto Jensen, panting his name.
 
“God, Jay,” Jensen gasped. “If only you could see yourself. You’re beautiful,
so God damned beautiful.”
 
Jared couldn’t speak, his body was thrumming with pleasure as his prostate was
stimulated again and again, a relentless attack of bliss and Jared was riding
so high he knew he’d found heaven.
 
“Uh, Jay. I’m so close—so close,” Jensen grunted above him. His speed picked
up; he started to pump deeper, harder and faster. Jensen’s eyes didn’t leave
Jared at any time, making sure he was alright.
 
Heat was a hurricane in Jared’s groin, destroying everything in its path. It
felt so good, so perfect. And it was Jensen making Jared feel this way, it was
Jensen giving Jared the most precious thing he could, his love. This was what
making love was all about. Jared was so happy he could explode with it.
 
Suddenly, Jared tipped his head back a came, hot and thick over his stomach. He
hadn’t had to be told, no one gave him permission, he’d come on his own, as a
reaction to what Jensen did to him.
 
“Jesus, fuck,” Jensen gasped and was pushed over the edge. He came hard,
shuddering over Jared.
 
Finally Jensen slumped over Jared, panting for breath. Jared revelled in the
weight of Jensen above him; he wrapped his arms around him and turned his head
to bury his face in Jensen’s neck, kissing him softly.
 
His body was spent but Jared felt at peace and it was all because of Jensen, he
didn’t think he’d ever be able to repay Jensen for everything he’d done for
him, even if he didn’t even know he was doing it.
 
Jensen shifted, meeting Jared’s kissing lips with his own and they shared a
slow, sensual kiss, showing each other how much love they felt through their
caress.
 
Eventually, Jensen lifted his head to gaze in Jared’s eyes.
 
“Hey, you okay?” he checked and Jared smiled brightly.
 
“You wouldn’t believe how okay I am,” Jared told him, and then his face became
serious. “I love you,” he said shyly and Jensen smiled.
 
“And I love you, more than I think I’ll ever be able to prove. But I’m willing
to spend the rest of my life trying.”
 
 
***
 
 
Epilogue
 
 
The crowd cheered as Jensen and Jared finished their set. They were huffing and
puffing but grinning like maniacs.
 
They handed out the cocktails they’d made to the waiting hands before hoping
over the bar. They were immediately greeted by an armful of Sandy as she threw
herself at them. Jared picked her up and swung her around, laughing as she
squealed.
 
“Hey, put my girl down,” Chris called, coming up, slapping Jared on the back
and pulling Jensen into a manly hug.
 
“You guys were awesome,” Steve complimented, smiling widely as all three men
shared a group hug.
 
“Jensen made up the routine, I just did as I was told,” Jared said sheepishly.
 
“Oh, that’s so not true,” Jensen chided, elbowing Jared in the ribs.
 
“Hey guys,” Tom was next to congratulate them. “You were amazing, really.”
 
“Hey Tom,” Jared grinned and pulled the man in for a back-slapping hug. “The
place looks fantastic; you’ve really turned it into something special.”
 
“Thanks. I’m really glad you could make it for the opening, I was afraid you
weren’t gonna make it back in time,” Tom said, but his face betrayed how
worried he was to bring up the subject of why he might not have made it.
 
“Me too, buddy, me too,” Jared nodded and took a moment to reflect on how far
they’d come. “But hey, I did make it, we’re all here and it’s been a great
night so far.”
 
“Thanks. Hey Jensen,” Tom shook Jensen hand firmly. “You have no idea how cool
it is that you performed at my opening. I mean, you are the competition and
all.”
 
“Nah, no such thing,” Jensen shrugged. “We’re all here to support each other
and work together, that way we make sure everyone has a place to go and they
all have a good time.”
 
Tom smiled and nodded his head in agreement.
 
“Boys.” Jensen and Jared turned towards the new voice and Jared literally leapt
for joy.
 
“Dad,” he exclaimed, jumping on the man and hugging him wildly. Jared was
definitely on a performance high as he hadn’t drunk anything yet. “You made
it.”
 
“We sure did,” Jerry said, holding his son tightly before releasing him.
 
“Hello sweetheart,” Sherri appeared beside Jerry and Jared let out a little
squeal.
 
“Ma. I’m so glad to see you,” Jared lifted his mom in the air, much like he did
Sandy.
 
“We wouldn’t miss your big day now would we?” Sherri said in mock shock, as if
the idea of it was unthinkable.
 
“You were really brilliant, both of you,” Jerry said proudly, rising his head
and smiling broadly. Then he moved forward and offered his hand to Jensen. “It
really was something else.”
 
“You saw?” Jensen asked, stunned but took the pro-offered hand and shook it
firmly. Jared mimicked his shock, he hadn’t seen his folks in the bar, and was
actually glad he hadn’t known they were watching as it would’ve made him so
much more nervous that he had been, and that would have definitely led to
bottles being dropped and drinks being spilt.
 
“You’re damn right we saw,” Jerry blurted.
 
“Jerry, language,” Sherri scolded, but with a fond smile on her face.
 
“Sorry dear,” Jerry said and winked at Jared.
 
“I’m so glad you came,” Jared said, bouncing on his feet. “Oh, Ma, dad, this is
Chris—Sandy’s boyfriend—and this is Steve—he and Chris play in an awesome band
together, they’re going to be performing a little later tonight. And this is my
boss and owner of this fine establishment, Tom Welling.”
 
“It’s a pleasure to meet you all,” Sherri said genuinely. “Jared, you have such
nice friends.”
 
“Ma,” Jared whined, blushing. That was such a mother thing to say.
 
“So, can I get anyone a drink?” Jerry offered, looking around. Chris, Steve and
Tom lifted their full bottles of beer, while Jensen and Jared nodded eagerly;
they’d done their part now it was time to have some fun. “Sandra, what about
you?”
 
“Oh, um. No, I’m good thanks,” Sandy said, avoiding Jared’s eyes and stepping
closer to Chris.
 
“Sandy?” Jared frowned. “How come you’re not… Oh my God!!”
 
“What?” Jensen asked at Jared’s sudden out burst, but Jared ignored him and
rushed over to Sandy, ducking down to look in her eyes.
 
“Really?” Jared asked her, and Sandy flushed beautifully and nodded, smiling
shyly. Jared threw his arms around her, talking into her neck and rocking her
from side to side. Jared’s parent looked on with slight alarm and part
confusion.
 
“They always so this,” Jensen leaned over and told them conspiratorially.
“We’ll get caught up in a minute but these two tend to mind meld information
instead of actually speak.”
 
“Yes, they’ve always been like that,” Jerry nodded knowingly, still watching
the couple hug.
 
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me, no wait, scratch that, I get why. Um, can
I?” Jared was asking Sandy. Sandy looked to Chris who winked at her so she
nodded to Jared. “Chris, man. Congratulations.” Jared took Chris’s hand and
shook it vigorously.
 
“Thanks man,” Chris grinned happily. “But you mind if I tell everyone?”
 
“Oh, yeah, yeah, of course,” Jared bounced away, a stupid grin stretching his
lips wide. He stood back by Jensen and waited, fidgeting excitedly.
 
“Okay, dude. What’s going on?” Steve asked impatiently. Chris looked to Sandy
and took her hand. Sandy smile up at him and bit her lip nervously.
 
“Well, we kind of have an announcement to make,” Chris started, looking around
at his friends. “First off, I should tell you that, a few days ago, I asked
Sandy to be my wife, and she accepted.”
 
“Holy sh-” Jared started but one look at his mother and he halted his sentence.
More hugs and congratulations were passed around, and every one toasted the
happy couple.
 
“Okay, that was first off, I have a fair idea of what second off is going to
be,” Jensen commented and waited, beaming at his friends.
 
“Sandy, you wanna take this one?” Chris asked and Sandy stepped forward.
 
“Well, um, oh Hell, just out with it I guess, I’m pregnant,” Sandy announced
and everyone cheered.
 
“Oh, I’m so happy for you,” Jared cried, hugging Sandy again while the others
surrounded Chris. “And you’re happy, right? You’re not just going along with
this cause you got pregnant?” Jared checked, watching Sandy’s expression but
seeing nothing but pure joy there.
 
“Jay, I have never been this happy in my life,” Sandy promised and Jared could
see she was positively glowing. “He’s so amazing, and he really treats me good,
better than anyone ever has before.”
 
“He’d better keep treating you right,” Jared said sternly but with a twinkle in
his eye.
 
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, Jay,” Chris came up behind him and
draped an arm over his shoulder. “I have every intention of worshiping this
woman for the rest of my life.”
 
“So, how far gone are you?” Jensen asked, pushing Chris’s arm off Jared and
sliding his arm around Jared’s waist instead, Jared grinned at him and kissed
him quickly before turning back to hear the answer.
 
“Actually, we’ve known for a while,” Chris admitted.
 
“I’m thirteen weeks,” Sandy said meekly, ducking as Jared’s jaw dropped. “But
we didn’t find out for sure until about seven weeks ago.”
 
“You’ve known all this time, how come I couldn’t see it?” Jared exclaimed.
 
“Well, you kinda got stabbed and ended up in hospital,” Sandy began to explain.
“Then you made the epic choice to go see your folks after four years of absence
and then ended up in hospital again—”
 
“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Jared stopped her. “Guess I was a bit preoccupied. I’m
sorry, Sandy; I should have been there for you.”
 
“Hey, that’s my job now,” Chris told him good naturedly.
 
“We’ll share it,” Jared suggested and Chris shrugged in agreement.
 
“There was one other thing,” Sandy said tentatively. Jensen and Jared waited
expectantly. “Well, we were kinda hoping that—you two would be Godparents?”
 
“Seriously?” Jared blurted suddenly, looking like the kid that got given
Christmas.
 
“Wow, man,” Jensen said, brushing his hand through his hair. “Guy’s, I think I
can speak for us both when I say that we’d be honoured, thank you.”
 
Jared nodded in agreement. “Oh my God, I’m so excited. We’re going to have to
go shopping, there are so many things to get, you’ll need a cot and clothes and
blankets and bottles and—”
 
“Jay, Jay, calm down.” Sandy placed a gentle hand on his arm, stopping his
rant. “We’ve got plenty of time and Chris and I have already made a lot of the
plans, so don’t stress alright?” She smiled fondly at her best friend as he
took a breath, calmed down and then proceeded to bounce on the balls of his
feet again.
 
“Did someone give him sugar?” Tom quipped, coming closer to the group and
eyeing the excited Jared.
 
“I’m gonna be a Godfather,” Jared explained, beaming.
 
“Good for you, buddy,” Tom said, patting his shoulder. “I’m sorry to break this
up, but Chris, you’re needed on stage.”
 
“Oh, right. No problem,” Chris told him. Then he bent and gave Sandy a small
kiss, smiling at her as he lingered for a moment. “Love you,” he whispered.
 
“Love you, too,” Sandy replied; she kissed him sweetly then smacked his ass and
sent him on his way. “Go sing me a song.”
 
 
Later that night, after the band had finished, Jared’s parents were a little
tipsy and were slow-dancing with the crowd. Chris and Sandy were also on the
dance floor, whispering softly to each other. Tom was trying to teach Steve a
few bartending tricks, and Steve was surprisingly good; Jared suspected Jensen
had been teaching him before.
 
Jared leaned against the bar and watched his friends and family with a light
heart. Everything had fallen in to place, just like Jensen had said things
would when they’d first gotten together.
 
“Boo,” Jensen said, as he appeared beside Jared, and Jared grinned. He pulled
Jensen to him so his back was leaning against Jared’s chest. He wrapped his
arms around Jensen’s waist, holding him close, and pressed a tender kiss to his
ear.
 
“Hey,” Jared murmured, kissing Jensen again. Jensen moaned and tipped his head
to give Jared better access.
 
“You have a good night?” Jensen asked, leaning further back into Jared, lapping
up the attention.
 
“It’s been perfect,” Jared confirmed. “Everyone’s here, everyone’s happy,
nothing went wrong; it’s just perfect.”
 
“Are you?” Jensen asked, turning in Jared’s arms to face him.
 
“Am I what?”
 
“Are you happy?” Jensen reiterated.
 
“Jensen, if I got any happier people would start to think I was on drugs,”
Jared laughed. “So, yes. I’m happy. How can I not be? I’ve got my family back;
Sandy’s finally getting to have a life. I’ve got a great job that I really
enjoy and…”
 
“And?” Jensen probed.
 
“And, I am so in love with the most perfect man I’ve ever met that I sometimes
think I’m dreaming, ‘cause life really can’t get this good,” Jared explained.
Jensen blushed under his praise and moved too look away, but Jared caught him
under the chin with his fingertips and turned Jensen so they were facing each
other. “I love you, Jensen. I’m in love with you. I love you so much it scares
me sometimes. But I don’t ever want to lose you.”
 
“You’ll never lose me, Jared. I’m yours,” Jensen promised, his eyes shining
that brilliant emerald that Jared loved so much. “I love you, too. I have for a
long time, and there’s no way I’m going to throw that away, not now that I’ve
got it.”
 
Jared ran his thumb over Jensen’s cheek before dipping his head to catch his
lips. Jensen moaned happily and let Jared kiss him, let him be in control. They
kissed deeply, so completely immersed in each other that they didn’t notice
Sherri and Jerry watching.
 
Jared’s parents smiled at each other. Jerry nodded to Sherri in acceptance. His
boy was happy; that’s all he needed to know. He swept his wife into his arms
and continued to dance, leaving his son and his boyfriend to their moment,
where nothing and no one could ever tear them apart again.
 
The end.
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