Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1063696.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Teen_Wolf_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Derek_Hale/Stiles_Stilinski
  Character:
      Derek_Hale, Stiles_Stilinski
  Additional Tags:
      Graphic_Descriptions_of_Rape, Rape, non-con, aftermath_of_rape, Eventual
      Sterek, attempted_suicide, consensual_sterek_sex, Bottom!Stiles,
      Top!Derek, they_make_love
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-11-30 Words: 8932
****** A Haunting Past ******
by JFACHardyzRKO
Summary
     Stiles has a secret that no one, not even Scott, knows about. It
     happened before Scott was bitten, but the memories remain. And now,
     on the one year anniversary, how will Stiles deal with those haunting
     memories?
Notes
     Well, clearly, if you read the tags, this is a SUPER triggery story.
     Please don't read if rape & suicide bother you!
     I promise there's a happy ending though so, ENJOY!!
See the end of the work for more notes
“No please. Please. I’m begging you. Don’t. Don’t do this. Please.” Small
whines escaped his throat as the older man entered him. He didn’t want this. He
didn’t want this at all. “Uh…please. No.” The motion of the man going in and
out of him made him sick. He just wanted him to stop. He just wanted to be out
of here. Out of this place. Out of this life. He didn’t know how much more he
could take. Tears streamed out of his eyes and down his face as the man picked
up pace; clearly getting pleasure out of this. He tried one last time, a final
plea, to get the man to stop. “Please,” he said in between sobs, “stop. It
hurts so…uh. Stop.” But the man didn’t stop. He wouldn’t. And he should have
known. He should have known that the sick son of bitch wanted him to plea. To
cry out in desperation. He clearly didn’t like willing participants in his sex
acts. The man looked up at him; directly into his eyes and smiled. He winked at
him as his thrusts began to become more erratic. He was clearly close. There
were hands all over. On his thighs. On his chest. Pinning his hands to the
mattress. The man was only human; how he could do all of that with two hands
was beyond him, but it made him loathe him even more. He couldn’t even fight
back. He had to just take it. “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh God yesssssssssss,” the
man cried out as he emptied himself into the younger boy. After he came down
off of his orgasmic high, the man motioned the boy to the bathroom. “We have to
get you cleaned up,” he said. The boy obliged, not wanted to get struck again
by heavy hands. “In the shower. Now,” the man instructed him. He got into the
shower and felt the sting of the hot water against his skin. The man washed him
thoroughly, inside and out; drowning any evidence of the crime in the hot
water. When he was satisfied with his work, the man dressed and went out the
same window he had used to get in; leaving the boy in the shower. When he was
sure the man was gone, he got out of the shower, dried off, dressed and went to
curl up in the chair in the corner of his room. He cried, for what seemed like
hours, until he drifted off into a semi peaceful dreamland.
*Exactly one year later*
“Hey man, coming over tonight? Derek is going to kick Jackson’s ass in a late
night training session!”
“Uh, yeah. Sounds great,” Stiles said halfheartedly.
“You okay man? You seem kinda…I don’t know…out of it the last couple days.”
“What? No, I’m fine. Just a lot of new stuff. Like, Jackson being in the pack
now and he and Lydia being stronger than ever. There goes my chance,” Stiles
said with a forced smile as he threw his hands into the air.
“Right dude, sorry. But hey, at least you still got me. Haha,” Scott laughed as
he playfully punched Stiles in the arm.
“Ouch, dude.”
“Sorry. Werewolf strength. Still getting used to it.”
“It’s been eight months; you should be used to it by now.”
“Probably.”
Stiles just sighed and punched Scott back, as hard he could, knowing he would
never actually hurt him and then continued to walk to class.
| |
“Dude, you made it,” Scott exclaimed as he ran over to greet Stiles as he
climbed out of his jeep.
“Yeah, wouldn’t miss it for the world Scotty.”
The two teens arrived at the back of the Hale house just in time to see Jackson
land a lucky shot to Derek’s jaw. Stiles flinched at the sight, knowing he had
to keep his wavering emotions in check near all these werewolves.
“Man, this is like, live UFC action right here,” Scott said into Stiles’ ear.
“Yeah,” was all that Stiles could make out in return. It had taken him a long
time to be able to see fists again and not think of him. A long time to not
jump at the sound of a squirrel running by his window or someone knocking at
the door; even in broad daylight. Scott, of course, was oblivious to all of
that. He believed all of Stiles’ lies about just missing his mom or hating that
his dad worked so much. They weren’t complete lies, but not the reason that
Stiles was so on edge. He was thankful that it wasn’t until four months after
the incident that Scott was bitten. He knew that if Scott was a werewolf while
Stiles was going through all of that, he would have smelled it on him. And that
was not something Stiles wanted. He wanted to forget about the whole thing. Go
about his normal life and never think of it again. And, after about two and a
half months, Stiles was pretty much able to do that. He blocked the memories of
that night out of his mind and focused on the now. That became increasingly
easier as time went on, especially after he and Scott were thrown into the
supernatural world of werewolves, kanimas, and God only knows what else.
Occasionally those memories would float back into his mind. When Derek showed
up in his room unexpectedly, that was when it was worst. The first time he had
done it, Stiles almost had a panic attack. It was five months after the
incident, one month since Scott had been bitten, and Stiles still wasn’t too
fond of Derek. So, when he showed up in his room in the middle of the night,
Stiles had a legitimate excuse for his frantic state. After he had calmed down
enough to know that Derek wasn’t there to do anything to him, he demanded he
leave and if he wished to return, use the door like everyone else. Derek, of
course, didn’t listen and questioned Stiles about his odder than usual
behavior.
*Flashback*
“Stiles, what is wrong with you,” the werewolf asked as his nose picked up the
spike of adrenaline coursing through the teen.
“Nuh…nothing. I just don’t like you climbing through my window,” the teen
managed to say without too much of a stutter. It wasn’t a complete lie, and he
told it as convicted as possible. Hopefully Derek wouldn’t pick up on the half-
truth.
“You still have a problem with me? Even after everything I have helped Scott,
and you, through?”
“Yeah Derek. Your dark, brooding nature isn’t something I’m too thrilled with.
Can you just leave please?”
“You don’t even want to know why I’m here?”
“Not really. Just go.”
“Fine.”
Stiles didn’t care why the wolf was there, he had just needed him to leave.
After he was sure Derek was far enough away, he wept. He just curled up under
his covers and cried until he slept.
*End Flashback*
Stiles was jarred out of his thoughts by the sound of breaking bones and
Jackson’s defeated body falling to the ground.
*Derek*
Derek was hurt and shocked that the teen had been so adamant about his
departure that night. He knew that Stiles felt something towards him; his wolf
sensed it. He thought that the best way to gage his feelings was to see where
the teen stood on the subject. Derek knew Stiles was bisexual, he just wasn’t
sure what he was. Derek never thought of himself as gay, or bi, but he had a
bad track record with women so maybe being with a man was the logical next
step. After that night though, Stiles never wanted to be alone with him. He
could sense it and see it in the little things he said or did so Derek buried
his growing feelings for the teen. He only snuck into his window when
absolutely necessary and almost always made sure to make enough sound that
Stiles, not his father, would hear him coming. Their conversations were always
quick and lacked substance. It was probably really awkward to be around the two
of them because they avoided each other so noticeably. No one ever asked about
it though. Derek figured they all chalked it up the fact that they ‘hated’ each
other and Derek wasn’t going to correct anyone’s assumptions.
When he saw Stiles’ face, right after Jackson had got his one and only punch in
to Derek’s jaw, Derek felt his heart skip a beat. Stiles seemed to be tormented
by the sight of the fighting and Derek wanted to end it right there. Wanted to
go over and check on Stiles, make sure he was okay. Derek knew he wasn’t. He
could feel it for the past few days. Stiles seemed more agitated than usual,
more jumpy. And today, today seemed like Stiles was at his worst. The look
Stiles gave at the sight of Derek breaking Jackson’s jaw and knocking him to
the ground was heart wrenching. It was one of pure disgust and horror. Of all
the times Stiles had glared at Derek or given him a look of disapproval, this
one was the worst. To Derek, it looked like Stiles genuinely might hate him.
Might just want to be away from him forever. Derek didn’t want that, his wolf
didn’t want that either. He didn’t believe in finding your mate. That was some
fairytale werewolves told their kids so they didn’t think they would end up
alone or be outcasts in society forever. But, then, standing there so close,
yet so far from Stiles, and seeing his horrified look in his eyes, Derek felt
something. He felt like running over and holding Stiles, telling him it was
going to be alright. Letting him cry on his shoulder or do whatever it was that
the teen needed to. He felt like telling him all the things he had felt over
the past eight months since he first saw him in the woods with Scott. Saw his
amazing smile and heard his addicting laugh. Derek felt like making all of his
pain and heartache go away, but he didn’t. He let everyone scatter about the
property, talking about how awesome it was that Jackson had finally met his
match. He let Scott go over to Allison and start up a conversation with her
about God only knows what and he let Stiles be by himself. Everyone else seemed
too interested in themselves to see it, but not Derek. Derek saw the pain in
Stiles’ eyes. Saw the tears well up in his eyes and almost fall from the
corners of them. Saw the way Stiles fluttered his eyes to hide the tears and
then saw when Stiles’ head fell when he realized no one wanted to talk to him.
Derek watched Stiles walk back to his jeep, mutter a good riddance, and drive
off as no one else seemed to care.
Derek let everyone else calm down after the fight for a little while before
making them all go home. A few complained, saying that tomorrow was Saturday
and they had nowhere else to be but Derek was adamant so they obeyed their
alpha and left. The moment the last of them had left, Derek ran into his house
to change clothes before getting in his Camaro and driving to Stiles’ house. He
had smelled something different on the teen tonight. He couldn’t quite put his
finger on it, Derek wasn’t sure he had ever even smelled that scent before, but
he knew it wasn’t Stiles. Stiles was never that…that sad and Derek feared that
what he smelled was a deep seeded sadness that might lead to something morbid.
*Stiles*
Stiles tried so hard to keep his emotions in check after Derek knocked Jackson
to the ground. He tried so hard not to let anyone see his horror as heard the
bones breaking. He tried so hard not to let anyone see his pain. That wasn’t
hard when the fight was over. Everyone scattered around with their friends, or
lovers, to talk about the fight or to gossip about how Jackson was going to get
his payback. Stiles thought that he would at least have to hide his feelings
from Scott; surely his best friend would stay to chat with him, but no. Scott
went over to Allison, probably to try to win her over again. Stiles felt tears
form in the corners of his eyes and tried to blink them away but a single one
fell from the corner of his eye. He glanced around, saw that no one was paying
any attention to him, except maybe Derek, and decided to leave. He had better
places to be than at the Hale house under Derek’s scrutiny. When he got home,
he found a note from his dad. He was going to be late, of course, if he even
came home at all. Lately the sheriff had been staying at work so late that he
just slept in the beds at the station for a couple hours before starting his
shift all over again. He left some Chinese in fridge for Stiles and told him
not to stay up too late. Why, Stiles wasn’t sure. His dad probably thought that
tomorrow was a school day. ‘His days of the week have been off lately’, Stiles
thought as he trudged up to his room. He grabbed his pajama pants and went into
the bathroom to take a shower. Today had been a long day and all he wanted to
do go to sleep, for a long time. When he climbed into the shower and felt the
piercing heat against his skin, memories flooded his brain. Memories he tried
so hard every day to suppress. Tears streamed down his face as he slid down the
shower wall to the ground. His tears mixed with the hot water as they flowed
down his chest. Stiles couldn’t take it anymore. Couldn’t take the pain and the
terror. He just wanted to be free. Free from all the worry; from all of the
sleepless nights. He grabbed his razor from the edge of the shower and
contemplated whether or not it was worth it. He knew killing himself would
solve all of his problems but also knew that it would create new ones for his
friends and family. At least, he hoped they would care that he was gone. But
then again, they were all too preoccupied with themselves to even notice him
anymore. Stiles decided this was the best course of action. Instead of being
helpless all the time, he was going to do something. It would help everyone, he
decided. He took the blade from the razor and pressed it to his wrist and
sliced vertically. He knew that cutting parallel to the veins made you bleed
out faster and he just wanted to get it over with.
*Derek*
When Derek pulled into the driveway he knew something was wrong. His instincts
told him it was not his business but his feelings for Stiles wouldn’t let him
leave. As soon as Derek opened his car door his nostrils filled with the scent
of blood. It rushed to his head and his wolf within flared. It wanted to taste
what smelled so good, but the human in Derek suppressed the wolf and knew that
something bad had happened. He knew that the smell was coming from Stiles’ room
and sprinted to investigate. The front door was unlocked and Derek opened it
with ease then flew up the stairs. When he opened Stiles’ bedroom door the
smell of iron was almost unbearable. His eyes scanned the room but didn’t see
Stiles so he tried to hone in in the scent of blood.  He followed it to Stiles’
bathroom door and Derek paused. He wasn’t sure he was prepared for what he
thought he was going to find. In that small pause is when he heard a faint
heartbeat. Derek rushed through the locked door and swore he felt his heart
stop. There, on the shower floor, was Stiles, paler than usual, in a small pool
of blood. His eyes were closed, head flopped to one side. Derek panicked
briefly before registering that no one else but he could help Stiles. Quickly,
he turned off the water and grabbed a towel to wrap around Stiles’ wrist. He
held onto it with all of his strength until he was sure the bleeding had
stopped. He tied the towel tightly onto Stiles’ wrist and grabbed the teen
under his knees and behind his neck to carry him to his bed. Derek laid Stiles
down on top of the covers and shimmied Stiles’ pajama pants onto his naked
bottom half. After he was sure Stiles was breathing and going to be okay, Derek
went and sat in the corner of the room in the rocking chair that was there and
waited. Two hours later, Derek heard Stiles stir and ran right by his side. The
teen took a few minutes to blink his eyes and wince in pain as he realized he
wasn’t dead and that his forearm hurt like hell. When his eyes finally adjusted
to the dark, they registered the figure looming beside him and flew open wide.
“No, please! NO!” Stiles scurried up the mattress until his back hit the
headboard and he couldn’t go any further. He put his hands out in front of him
to stop the man who was getting progressively closer.
“Stiles, what? No, Stiles, it’s me. Derek.”
“No please don’t hu –Derek?”
Stiles was thoroughly confused now. Why the hell was Derek in his room? And for
that matter, why was Stiles clothed, laying in his bed. He should be in a pool
of blood in his shower.
“Yes Stiles. Shh. Calm down. It’s just me,” Derek said as comfortingly as
possible.
“What…what are you doing here?”
“I came by to make sure you were okay and it’s a good thing I did. What the
hell were you thinking?”
“How? How did I get in bed? Wearing pants?”
“I –I couldn’t leave you naked.”
“Oh my God you touched me!? Oh my God, no. No, no no no no. Not agai –no. Why?
Why would you do that?! How could you do that to me!? How Derek,” Stiles sobbed
into his still weak hands. He had lost a decent amount of blood but not enough
that a little rest couldn’t fix. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but
cry. Why? Why had Derek done that to him? How could he? He thought he was…
decent. Not a…not that.
“Stiles, what is wrong? What did I do?”
“You..you…” Stiles broke out in hysterical crying. He couldn’t form words, just
emotions. So many emotions in his head. So many emotions wanting to come out at
once.
*Derek*
“Stiles. Stiles?”
Derek didn’t know what was wrong with the teen. He had thought he had been
helping. No one actually wanted to die. As hard as his life had been up until
that point, Derek had thought about suicide so many times. But, he knew that he
would regret it. He knew now that Stiles would, should, too. There shouldn’t be
any reason for his life to be that bad that he wanted to die.
“Stiles,” Derek tried again but to no avail. He couldn’t make out words for the
sobbing that was going on. Derek didn’t know what to do. He wanted to make
Stiles better. Make him feel better. Make him feel like he is needed. Against
his better judgment, Derek moved closer to Stiles to pull him into a hug. He
figured Stiles would jump at the sensation but he couldn’t have predicted what
Stiles had actually done.
“NOOOOO! NO, don’t touch me! No don’t!”
Derek didn’t let up his grip on him. He figured it would take a minute for
Stiles to get over the shock of being hugged by him, Derek Hale, of all people.
“Stop, please,” Stiles managed to say between sobs.
“Please don’t. Please.”
Derek didn’t understand. Stiles was terrified. He could hear his heartbeat
racing with every second that dragged by. He could smell his fear radiating off
of him. But why? Why was Stiles so scared? Sure, Derek had crushed Jackson
tonight but Stiles had seen Derek fight plenty of times before. Whatever was
making him so scared couldn’t have had to deal with Derek. It had to be
something unrelated to him and the supernatural. Stiles’ fear was deeply rooted
inside himself. It had to be something from long before Derek had met the teen.
But what?
“Stiles. Stiles, shh. It’s okay. No one is going to hurt you. I’m not going to
hurt you. Shh.” Derek didn’t know what else to do so he just held on to Stiles
even harder. The teen didn’t say anything else after that. He just laid ridged
in Derek’s arms. Meanwhile, Derek was busy trying to figure out what could have
happened to make him hate being touched so much. At first he thought abuse. But
Derek knew the sheriff loved Stiles more than anything and there was no way he
would lay a hand on him. Then Derek thought about anyone else who could have
had access to Stiles to hurt him and the only person he came up with was Scott.
There was no way Stiles was scared of Scott. So what is it? Derek couldn’t
think of anything else so he just held onto Stiles. Eventually the teen’s heart
started to slow down and his muscles started to loosen. He leaned into Derek’s
chest and Derek held onto him even more. After a while they fell back onto the
bed, Stiles curled up to Derek’s chest, Derek’s arm around Stiles’ waist.
Stiles calmed down enough to tell Derek he was sorry, over and over again.
“I’m sorry Derek. I –“
“Shh, Stiles. It’s okay.”
“I just…I…”
“I don’t need an explanation. If you wanted to tell me, you would have. Just
sleep. You need rest.”
“I just…I thought it was…I thought you were…” And tears fell from Stiles’ eyes
again. He blubbered into Derek’s chest until he fell asleep. Derek still
couldn’t think of what Stiles thought he was going to do to him. What could
possibly be so horrific? Derek had no idea, so he just drifted asleep listening
to Stiles’ heartbeat.
*Stiles*
When Stiles woke up the sun was up and shining bright, high in the sky. He knew
that meant it had to be passed noon. Suddenly, he felt himself going up and
down in a steady rhythm. Almost like, like someone was breathing under him. He
turned his head down and saw a faded black to grey shirt. He jumped at the
sight, not really remembering the night before. Stiles was halfway across the
room when his brain started to run again and he remembered Derek. Derek had
been there with him last night. Derek had saved him from dying. Derek had tried
to comfort him. Derek had held him while he slept. Derek. Then Stiles
remembered how he had acted. What he thought Derek had done or was trying to do
to him. He should have known Derek wasn’t like that. Derek was…different. But
in a good way. The dark brooding werewolf still kind of scared Stiles but only
because of his power. Derek was so powerful. Maybe that’s what Stiles needed.
Maybe he needed someone like that around to make him feel safe.
“Stiles? Are you okay?” Damn, Stiles was really hoping Derek was a heavy
sleeper.
“Yeah…yeah. Just –I didn’t expect to wake up to a guy, you, in my bed.”
“Uh, yeah. I was going to leave but you were finally asleep and I was afraid
that if I moved you might –“
“Derek, it’s okay. I’m glad you didn’t go.”
“Oh, you are?”
“Yeah, I…um.” Stiles really didn’t know how to say this. He had been holding in
all these feelings, all the bad things that had happened to him for so long
that putting it in words was nearly impossible.
“I…there’s something I have to tell someone…you. I just don’t know how.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything. I’m not here to make you spill your soul
to me.”
“But I want to. I have to tell someone, Derek. I’ve been hiding it for so long;
I need to get it out. I thought that if I buried it, it would go away. But it
doesn’t go away. It just keeps killing me a little more and more each day and I
don’t know what else to do. Maybe if I tell someone, maybe then it will be
better.” Stiles rambled on about how much he wanted to tell Derek but really,
he didn’t want to, he wanted to tell Scott. But Scott wasn’t here; he was
probably shacked up with Allison somewhere, so Derek would have to do. Now
Stiles just had to figure how to tell Derek. It’s not something he can think
about let alone say aloud.
“Okay. I’ll sit here and you can tell me. Whenever you are ready.”
Derek motioned that he would remain on Stiles’ bed and Stiles could sit
wherever he wanted as he told his story.
“Yeah, uh….um. So, no interrupting me okay? What I’m going to tell you is hard
enough to say without you being…you.”
“Thanks Stiles…Okay. I’ll stay quiet. Wow, this was the most terrifying moment
of Stiles’ life. Even the event wasn’t as bad as it was going to be telling
about it. Stiles was at least able to block some of it out while it was
happening, but now. Now he had to relive every horrific detail to a guy he
still wasn’t quite okay being alone with. Not because he thought he would hurt
him, but because he reminded him too much of him. It wasn’t fair to Derek.
Derek never did anything drastic to hurt Stiles. But still, the similarities
were there.
“Ok..so..umm. A year ago, well I guess it was a year and one day ago because
yesterday was the one year anniversary. But yeah, anyway. Umm, I was sleeping.
And my dad was working, of course. And,” Stiles was having a harder time with
this than he thought,” well. I guess I should say that I didn’t used to lock
the house up. Ya know, cause I didn’t know werewolves and other ridiculous
supernatural creatures existed so I didn’t have to worry about being killed in
my sleep. But I guess I should have worried about that more, huh? And so yeah.
My window was unlocked and I was sleeping and … I –I never heard it open.”
Stiles was starting to cry a little now. He didn’t want Derek to see him like
that, again, but he just couldn’t help it. It was just so painful.
“And umm, I –I woke up for some reason, and there was a…a….there was a guy. And
he was in my room and at first I thought I was dreaming and I didn’t…I didn’t
think he was going to do that…”
Stiles had to take a little breath before he continued. He knew it was all or
nothing now. He was going to tell Derek the story, the whole story.
*Derek*
Derek was thrilled that Stiles evidently felt comfortable enough with him to
tell him something that he clearly hadn’t ever told anyone else. He was happy
that he was finally going to figure out a little of Stiles’ back story. He just
never thought it was going to be this. When Stiles said there was a guy in his
room Derek was pretty sure he knew where the story was going. He really wanted
to hold Stiles and tell him he didn’t have to say anything more but he knew
Stiles needed this. He knew Stiles had to get it off his chest and Derek wasn’t
going to make him distrust him even more.
“And so, like, I was quiet and…still. And he walked over to my bed and I saw
this look in eyes and I knew. I knew he was going to do something, something
bad. And I was so terrified and I think my heart might have stopped. And he
took off his…his shirt. And pants and his…everything and…”
Oh God no. This isn’t where Derek thought the story was going. He thought the
guy had robbed Stiles. Beaten him into telling him where a safe or something
was. But not this. Not what Stiles was about to describe.
“Breathe Stiles.”
Stiles nodded, took a deep breath and continued.
“And he pulled my covers down. And…umm, he got into bed. And I tried to hit
him. I tried to fight back but he was so strong and he hit me a few times. And
umm…”
Well now Derek understands why Stiles doesn’t like to see the fists and fights.
All of his wincing makes so much sense now.
“And umm, said I had to keep quiet or else. And then he –I only slept in boxers
then and he uh…pulled them down. And I…I didn’t want him to. I tried really
hard…,” Stiles was crying hysterically now and Derek was afraid he might have a
panic attack.
“He was just so strong and he was touching me and…and I just tried and I
couldn’t stop him. And he was…he was in…in…me and it hurt so bad. And I just
wanted him to stop. And begged him to stop and he wouldn’t. And when he was
done, he gave me a shower and scrubbed me, everywhere, and inside, until he
thought I was clean enough and then he left. And I just…” Stiles broke down.
There was no more controlling his emotions. He was broken down over the last
year and needed someone to share it with. He felt so liberated now.
When Stiles was done with his story, Derek had no idea what to do or think. He
couldn’t believe that that had happened to him. To the sheriff’s son of all
people. Derek wasn’t really good with things like this, showing emotions and
what not. He went over to Stiles and drew him into a hug. Maybe it wasn’t what
the teen wanted but it was what Derek thought he needed. He thought Stiles
needed to be showed love and attention.
“Stiles I am so sorry that happened to you.”
Stiles nodded against Derek’s chest. Derek loved the feeling of being so close
to Stiles. Having his chin rest on the teen’s head as they both hung onto each
other for dear life. Derek could stay like that forever. He could be connected
like this to Stiles for an eternity and wouldn’t be long enough. But, standing
there, even a werewolf had his limits. After what seemed like hours but what
really no more than twenty minutes, the guys made their way over to the bed and
laid down just like they had the previous night. Stiles was nuzzled in very
close to Derek and Derek kept a protective arm over his waist, drawing him in
as close as possible.
“I –I begged him Derek. I wanted him to stop and he wouldn’t. I couldn’t do
anything. I was helpless, just like now with you guys and –“
“No, Stiles. You are not helpless. You are strong. You are part of a pack that
would do anything for you. I –we would die for you Stiles.”
“You don’t have to say that just because you know how broken I am.”
“You aren’t broken. You are perfect.”
*Three months later and Derek and Stiles are dating, and have been for about a
two months.*
*Stiles*
Stiles liked being around Derek. Liked having him on his side of every
argument. Liked having him to make sure he was safe and that nothing that even
resembled danger even came close to him. Stiles liked having a boyfriend. It
had taken him a few weeks to realize that the reason he told Derek wasn’t
convenience, it was because he wanted to. He wanted to give him and Derek a
connection that neither of them had with anyone else. With Derek knowing what
happened though, came fear of rejection. Stiles knew what Derek said, but just
because he said it doesn’t make it true. He also feared that Derek would tell
someone, his father maybe. But Derek had put that fear to rest when he told
Stiles that whatever was said was always just between the two of them if that
was what Stiles wanted. Derek told him that he would always do whatever Stiles
wanted. Stiles loved the sound of that. And that was the day they officially
became a couple. They never talked too extensively about why Stiles hadn’t ever
told anyone else about his rape. Stiles told Derek that he didn’t want pity, he
didn’t want to be thought of differently and he didn’t want to worry everyone
else. He also told Derek that he was scared and he thought the best way to deal
with that was to bury it. Clearly, that was not the best way to handle things,
and Stiles made a mental note of that. Derek promised him that that
conversation was classified also. Stiles’ words, not Derek’s. Lastly, Stiles
told Derek that he had no idea who the man was anyway and that he would never
be able to identify him so there was no use getting the cops involved. Derek
hesitantly agreed. They never formally discussed Stiles’ attempted suicide, but
he was pretty sure Derek would make sure it never happened again.
When it came time to tell Scott and the rest of the pack, along with his dad,
about their relationship, Stiles got cold feet. He really didn’t think that
they had to know his personal business but Derek insisted no more secrets, so
they told. First, Scott. Stiles told him alone, at their favorite arcade, so
that, fingers crossed, Scott wouldn’t make a big scene. And thankfully, he
didn’t. Scott was always supportive of his best friend and then was no
different. He did tell Stiles though that if Derek ever hurt him, he would kill
him. And Stiles was pretty sure Scott was serious.
Telling the rest of the pack was easy because, to be honest, he didn’t really
care what the rest of them thought. He and Derek held a little pack meeting and
explained their relationship situation and everyone just stared, like they all
already knew anyways. The tough one to break the news to was his father. Stiles
picked a night where his dad had off, planned an amazing (healthy) meal, and
invited Derek over so the three of them could talk. The talk went surprising
well with minimal threats to Derek’s life from the Sheriff. And, again, Stiles
was pretty sure he was serious. The thing that the sheriff said that really got
to him most was, “I don’t want to find used condoms all over my house. But you
two better use protection!”
Sex was not an easy subject for Stiles after what he had went through and he
knew his father was just trying to lighten the mood, kind of, and had no idea
of Stiles’ situation so he just put on a fake smile and changed the subject.
After dinner, Stiles went back to Derek’s place with him to discuss that
evening’s proceedings. Again, the sheriff joked that Derek better not get
Stiles pregnant and again, Stiles laughed halfheartedly and walked out the
door.
*Derek*
Finally being able to convince Stiles that Derek was worth having around seemed
like it took centuries, but when Stiles finally agreed to date him, Derek was
thrilled. He would do anything for Stiles. Anything to make him happy and take
away his hurt.
Telling the pack about them was a breeze, he wasn’t so sure why Stiles was so
nervous. They could probably smell the attraction anyway. And he didn’t have
too much of a problem telling the sheriff either until he made the joke about
sex and he could feel the uneasiness surrounding Stiles. Derek made a mental
note to ask about that later, and let Stiles change the subject to something he
was a little more comfortable talking about. The rest of the evening was great.
Stiles had prepared a very tasty meal and when it was decided that Stiles was
going home with Derek, the sheriff made another sex joke and Derek thought
Stiles might explode with anxiety.
When they got to Derek’s, Stiles practically ran through the door and beat
Derek inside. Derek knew he was trying to avoid the inevitable conversation
they were going to have and he wasn’t going to let him do it.
“Stiles, we gotta talk.”
“Not tonight Derek, I’m super tired.”
“Stiles.”
“No Derek. Please?”
“You know we have to have this discussion at some point. Might as well get it
over with right?”
“Fine.”
“Good, now sit beside me so I don’t have to yell at you across the room.”
“Aye aye captain.” Stiles went over and through his legs over Derek’s thighs
and rested his back against the arm rest.
“Stop. This isn’t a joke Stiles.”
“I know. I know Derek. I just…it’s not an easy subject for me.”
“And I know that. But if we don’t talk about it now, when will we?”
“You’re right. As always,” Stiles sighed. It was true though. Derek was pretty
much always right.
“Why did you freak out inside when your dad mentioned sex?”
“Wow, just jump right in don’t you?”
“Stiles.”
“Sorry….I just didn’t really want to get into our sex life with him. That’s
all.”
“We don’t have a sex life.” It was true. Derek had made a pass at Stiles a few
times when he could smell the teen’s arousal but nothing ever came of it. Derek
could sense how uncomfortable Stiles was with sex and made it a point to
control his own urges. The last thing he wanted to do was force something on to
his boyfriend.
“I –yeah well. He doesn’t need to know that either.”
“That’s not all. I can see it in your face. I can hear it in your heartbeat. I
can smell it on you. You’re lying.”
“Look, Derek, I can’t, okay? I can’t,” Stiles exclaimed as he jumped off of
Derek’s lap and across the room again.
“I can’t be with you like that. I can’t do it! Just thinking about it makes me
think of him and I don’t want to! I don’t want to think of that monster Derek!
I don’t!”
“Shh, Stiles. It’s okay. Come here,” Derek said as he went over and pulled
Stiles into one of his infamous hugs.
“I am never going to make you do something you are uncomfortable with. Never.”
“But…but you have to want to…ya know. Do it. I mean, you have needs.”
“Yes, I do. But I will wait for decades if I have to until you are ready. I
love you and don’t want you to ever forget that.”
“I…I –love you too.”
“You don’t have to say it just because I did.”
“I know. I didn’t. I wanted to.”
“Good. I do love you Stiles. And I would never dream of hurting you. I hope you
know that.”
“I do. It’s just…I don’t want to start something…and ruin it for you.”
That made Derek chuckle. Nothing that Stiles did could ever ruin sex for him.
Hell, just thinking about a fully clothed Stiles made Derek’s cock stand to
attention.
“Nothing we do will ruin us, Stiles.”
“Do you want to try then?”
Derek was taken aback by the question. He didn’t think Stiles would be ready
for anything even remotely sexual for a while longer. He still grimaced when
Derek’s hand strayed too far up his thigh.
“Stiles, that’s up to you. But don’t, I repeat, don’t want you to do anything
because you think you have to. I am not going anywhere.”
“I know, but I want to.”
*Stiles*
He had no idea what he was thinking when he asked Derek to have sex. Stiles
knew he wasn’t ready. There was no way. He still had flashbacks of
his…incident. But he wanted to make Derek happy and he really did kind of want
to see what it was like…consensually. When he was with him it was a terrible,
filthy feeling. He felt like the scum of the Earth and was really hoping that
sex, in general, was not that way. And he really did want to make love to
Derek. It sounded cheesy and cliché but when Derek said that he loved him, it
just felt like the right thing to do, to at least try sex.
Derek pulled himself away from Stiles and looked into his gorgeous brown eyes
before leaning into a kiss. Stiles liked kissing Derek. It took him a month
after they had been a couple for him to be okay with kissing. He realized it
was a fun activity, especially with the talented mouth of Derek Hale. Stiles
tried to deepen the kiss, only to be pushed away by Derek.
“Are you sure Stiles,” Derek asked, out of breath already.
Was he sure? Stiles wasn’t even sure if he was sure. Sure he wanted to be as
close as possible to his boyfriend? Yes. Sure he wanted to make Derek happy?
Yes. Sure he wanted to have sex? Yes. Sure he was ready to have sex at that
second? He had no idea. But, in true Stiles fashion, he jumped right in without
really thinking and said, “Yes, Derek. I am sure.”
And that was all it took for Derek to unleash the beast from within that had
been begging Derek to do all the things he dreamt about. Derek pushed Stiles up
against the nearest wall and ravished his mouth with his. Stiles’ tongue
battled Derek’s in a futile effort for control, he knew Derek was going to let
him set the pace. Stiles licked and memorized every inch of Derek’s mouth
before moving to his neck. Stiles knew that baring your neck was a sign of
submission in wolves. He didn’t expect Derek to do that. He just really wanted
to mark Derek as his own. So, when Derek drew his own head to the side,
revealing his neck for Stiles’ taking, Stiles was shocked. He went in to
Derek’s neck and just inhaled. Inhaled the scent of Derek. He peppered kisses
all over Derek’s throat and sucked at the little crevice in his collarbone
until he was satisfied with the mark he had left. He pushed Derek back so he
could take off his shirt and reveal those perfectly toned abs of his dreams.
Stiles marveled at Derek’s body. He loved seeing his mark on him. It made the
whole situation seem right. But then the mark started to fade and Stiles’ face
sank.
“I want my mark to stay on you Derek. Don’t let it heal. Please?”
“Anything you want.” The mark stopped fading and started to bruise slightly.
Stiles was very happy with the way things were going so far. Then, again, Derek
had him pressed up against the wall. This time, his mouth was on Stiles’ neck,
hands roaming up his shirt. A struggled moan escaped his lips as Derek stopped
his assault on his neck with his mouth to take Stiles’ shirt off. They were
separated only momentarily before Derek was pressed right back into him. The
feeling of flesh to flesh was a little overwhelming to Stiles, but he kept his
mind focused on the amazing things Derek was doing with his mouth on Stiles’
skin.
“Bed, Stiles.” Stiles just nodded as Derek grabbed his hand and pulled him
towards the bedroom. As soon as they got in and the door was shut, Derek
pressed him against the wall again, this time his back was to Derek’s chest.
The cold wood of the door pressed against his naked chest and his straining
erection. Derek worked his way down Stiles’ back, nipping, licking and sucking
while his hands roamed up and down Stiles’ torso. It was hard for Stiles to not
envision it being him, but he just tried to slow his breathing and keep his
mind on Derek. Suddenly, Derek spun him around, grabbed both his wrists and
pinned them above his head so he could plant kisses on the front of Stiles’
flawless body. Stiles’ mind went into overdrive. All he could see was the man,
hovering above him. Dark and unforgiving eyes, brute strength holding him down
while he took something from Stiles he would never get back. And Stiles freaked
out. He jumped, screamed and kicked at Derek until he released his arms and
Stiles fell down the door to the bedroom floor. Derek was right there beside
him, holding him tight, whispering that it was going to be okay into his ear.
“I’m sorry Derek. I just…he held me down like that.”
“Shh, it’s okay. I’m not mad. I didn’t know, I am sorry.”
“No, you’re right. You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.”
“Come on, let’s get you into bed.” Stiles didn’t know what he had ever done to
deserve such an amazing and understanding boyfriend. He felt terrible for
freaking out on Derek and probably ruining the mood for him. But Stiles was
still pretty painfully hard in his jeans and he was willing to keep going if
Derek was. When Derek laid Stiles out on the bed and leaned down to kiss him on
his forehead, Stiles took full advantage of Derek being slightly off balance
and grabbed him; pulling him down on top of him.
“Mmm, Stiles. What are you doing?”
“Please Derek. I want this. Can’t you feel how much I want this?” Stiles’
straining erection was pressed firmly into Derek’s hip.
“You’re not ready.”
“I am, please Derek,” Stiles pleaded. He rocked his groin up into Derek’s hip
and felt his breath suddenly turn ragged.
“You have to tell me if you want me to stop, Stiles. I’m not going to be able
to on my own. I’ve wanted you for such a long time.” Derek leaned in and
pressed a small kiss to his chest. “Promise Stiles?”
“Yes Derek. I do, please just…just do something.”
Derek chuckled and started to play with one of Stiles’ nipples. Stiles knew
Derek loved the little noises each nibble or pull made him make. He made no
point in trying to suppress his moans. It would be useless on many levels.
“Mmm, Derek.” Stiles was really going to have to ask him where he learned to do
those amazing this with his tongue…but that would have to be later. Now, Derek
was moving to the edge of his pants. He unbuckled Stiles’ belt and watched the
teen for a reaction. When he didn’t see anything too obvious, he unbuttoned the
pants. That’s when he heard Stiles’ heartbeat quicken. That’s when he heard his
breathing hitch. That’s when he saw him bite his lower lip and tense his
muscles.
“No Derek, keep going.”
“Are you s –“
“YES.”
Derek removed Stiles’ jeans to reveal his Star Wars boxers. That made Stiles’
face flush. The one day he felt like being a little more comfortable just had
to be the day he and Derek were finally going to do it. Just his luck. Derek
didn’t say anything though, just shook his head and kissed the tops of his hips
that were peeking through the fabric. Stiles willed his heart to slow down and
his breathing to return to normal; well normal given the circumstances. Derek’s
hands traveled from the tips of Stiles’ toes all the way up to hips where they
stopped and stayed. He rubbed little circles into his thighs with his thumbs
and waited for Stiles to be okay with the contact before he continued.
“I’m going to take your boxers off now, okay?”
Stiles nodded.
“I need a yes or no Stiles. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want me to.”
“Yeah –yes Derek. It’s fine, please.” His erection was really starting to be
painfully hard and he needed a release, even a small one. Derek’s hands gently
found their way under the waistband and pulled off the boxers in, what Stiles
thought, record time. Derek sat back on his heels and stared at what was his.
Every inch of Stiles was finally his for the taking. He dropped his head to
Stiles’ erection and darted his tongue out to meet the sensitive flesh.
“Uh, ahh.” Stiles guessed Derek liked what he heard because he went from barely
touching him to having his mouth completely surrounding him in just under five
seconds. Stiles never knew the heat and wetness could feel so good. He laid on
the bed in astonished awe as Derek bobbed up and down making it very hard to
control himself. He fisted the sheets and arched his hips into Derek’s mouth.
Derek didn’t do anything to stop him; just let him do what he wanted. Get what
he needed out of the moment.
“Oh God, Derek. So –uh. So close.”
Derek stopped what he was doing and got off of the bed. He walked over to the
side of the bed and motioned for Stiles to take his pants off. Stiles’ hands
were a little shaky as he undid Derek’s belt and button and pushed down his
faded jeans. When they were sufficiently low, Derek stepped out of them and
looked down at Stiles who was peering up at him. Derek just nodded, seemingly
knowing what Stiles was thinking. Stiles raked his blunt finger nails over
Derek’s abs and down to his boxer briefs. He slipped a finger underneath on
both sides and pulled down; unmasking Derek’s own straining erection. After
Derek slipped out of his underwear he opened the dresser drawer and pulled out
a condom  and lubricant. Stiles swallowed hard at the thought that they were
actually going to do this. He felt the bed dip between his knees as Derek sat
on his in the middle of Stiles’. He heard the ‘pop’ of a bottle cap and felt
his heart race again. He thought he was going to have a panic attack and he
wasn’t even sure why. All the thoughts about that night, over a year ago, were
long gone from his mind at that moment. He just wanted Derek. Just wanted to
feel him. What he felt was a cool finger brush up against his entrance.
“Do you trust me Stiles?”
Stiles nodded again but then realized Derek wasn’t going to do anything without
a verbal say so.
“Yes Derek, I trust you.”
Derek’s first finger made its way into Stiles’ tight muscle and rested halfway
in to give him time to adjust. When Derek was sure he was okay, he moved his
finger the rest of the way in and waited another moment before moving it.
Stiles squirmed beneath Derek’s touch and craved more. After two or three
minutes of one finger he just needed more. “Mmm –more Derek,” Stiles pleaded as
he started to rock his hips. Derek inserted another finger and a few moments
later, another. They stayed like that for a while, Stiles rocking his hips on
Derek’s fingers, Derek occasionally bending them to brush against Stiles’
prostate. After what seemed like an eternity to Stiles, Derek removed his
fingers, leaving Stiles feeling empty inside. He heard the sound of ripping
foil and a grunt from Derek before feeling Derek’s tip at his entrance. Before
doing anything else, he brought one of Stiles’ knees up and planted his foot on
the bed. Then he slowly entered him, stopping momentarily here and there to let
Stiles adjust, which he was thankful for. Derek was bigger than those three
fingers and he could feel himself stretching. It wasn’t painful, not like
before. No, this time it was mostly pleasure as Derek started to rock his hips
slowly in and out of Stiles.  Stiles threw his head back and arched his back,
encouraging Derek to go deeper. Derek took that as an invitation to stroke
Stiles’ erection. He pumped it in time with his thrusts, twisting and thumbing
at the head occasionally. Stiles knew he wasn’t going to last too much longer,
but he wanted to, had to wait for Derek. He knew he wasn’t going to be waiting
much longer when Derek’s thrusts became untimed and without rhythm.
“Oh, mmm. Stiles, I’ve wanted you for so –uh, long. Oh God you feel so good.”
“Mmm, Derek. So close.”
“Me too.”
A few thrusts later and Derek was climaxing. Stiles was right behind him. A few
more strokes to his erection and he was screaming Derek’s name in pleasure;
muscles tightening around him. As they both came off of the high of their
orgasms, Derek slowly pulled out of Stiles and laid down beside him. Stiles
remained quiet for a few minutes and could tell Derek was starting to worry.
“Stiles, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m perfect.”
“Yes, yes you are.”
End Notes
     This isn't my favorite fic I've written, but I don't think it's too
     bad. Let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is always
     welcome.
     Please let me know if I missed a tag!
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!