Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6203140.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Until_Dawn_(Video_Game)
  Relationship:
      Sam/Josh_Washington, Josh_&_Sam
  Additional Tags:
      Time_Hopping, 30_Day_OTP_Challenge, There_will_be_sex, Mental_Illness
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-03-09 Updated: 2017-07-16 Chapters: 21/? Words: 20178
****** 30 Day OTP Challenge: Bathing Bird Edition ******
by shiptrash1202
Summary
     Josh and Sam throughout their lives, from Josh's POV.
Notes
     Hey! I was going to wait and post the whole 30 days when it was
     finished, but I've decided to start posting them. I have about 20
     done already, so I think it's safe to say that I will get them all
     done. Time skips around quite a bit. I'll probably update when I
     finish them a separate list of the chapters in chronological order.
     Let me know what you all think! I love feedback.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Day One: Holding Hands *****
I remember it like it was yesterday, the first time I ever touched Sammy. I was
eleven years old, and it was Hannah and Beth's birthday. They were turning ten,
and I remember Sammy kept teasing the two because she was four months older
than them. Beth was thirteen minutes older than Hannah. She used to do that
goofy twin thing, ya know? Where the older twin says to the younger one, "When
I was your age…" and describes what they, in Beth's case, did thirteen minutes
ago. She thought it was hysterical. It kind of was, the first three hundred
times. Anyway, I'm getting off track.
It was Hannah and Beth's birthday, and just about every single person I'd ever
met was there. All of the extended family, my sisters' entire class, all my
friends. Everyone packed into the first floor of my house. My parents were
already starting to figure me out, which is surprising since I spent more time
with Louisa, the nanny, than I probably ever did with them. I knew they were
figuring me out because before the party, they pulled me aside and said, "Now,
Josh, can you try to just be…social….for today please? We wouldn't want
anything to upset your sisters' day now, would we?" I just nodded and walked
away. Of course by "social," they had meant "normal," and by "anything"
upsetting my sisters' day, they meant me. They noticed even as early as that
how I didn't do well in crowds. I was never really good at social graces. I
just blurted out the first things that came to mind, and usually they made me
seem like a jackass, even at eleven. So of course, in a sea of cousins and kids
and my aunt Lisa, who I still hate to this day, I panicked. The world felt like
it was closing in around me. I was a little dude, hadn't hit puberty yet. Stuck
a little over waist high, a little under breast high with a good one hundred
and fifty almost-strangers. Now, usually Beth would calm me down in times like
this, but my parents were right. It was their birthday. I couldn't ruin that
just because I was crazy. I slowly wove my way through the crowd, feeling like
I was going to puke my guts up the entire time, and broke through at the
stairs. I, (in a very manly way, I assure you) bolted up the stairs sweating
like a pig and crying and flew through my bedroom doorway like it was base in a
game of tag. I tried as hard as I could not to slam the door behind me, but my
mom did say something about it later that night in her passive aggressive
little way.
So I'm finally safe in my room having a panic attack (I know it sounds fucked
up, okay?) when I notice I'm not alone. There, of course, it had to be, is
fucking Sammy. Gorgeous, gets-my-head-spinning, preteen obsession Sammy. Of
course at this point I'm rather stressed and now I'm confused to top it off. So
I take a deep breath and count to ten mentally before I ask her, "What are you
doing in my room?"
She blushes. Actual cliché-rom-com blushes at me. And sort of stumbles over her
words when she says, "Sorry, Josh. Your parents asked me to use your room as
the coat room and your cousin Francie just got here so I had to run up and drop
off the coat." She spits it out so fast she almost looks like she could run out
of breath soon. Of course, I'm in the same boat for totally less-normal
reasons, so I don't tease her for once.
"Oh."
I clearly at age eleven am the biggest dumbass to ever dumbass. Hell, I
probably still am. What great, clever line do I come up with to ease the
awkward? Oh. Real fucking genius, Washington. In my defense, I'm still kind of
trying not to throw up.
"Also, I just kind of wanted to get some air for a minute. Your mom has had me
up and down these stairs all day. Though I do suppose it's good practice, since
I'm going out for track next year…" Either Sammy is completely a cliché blonde
or she is pretending to just now notice me flipping out because she feigns
confusion, knitting her brows and tilting her head before she asks, "Are you
alright, Josh?" In a voice that is far too soothing and mother-hen like for a
ten year old girl. For some reason, I felt the overcoming need to be honest
with her.
"I don't honestly know, really," I start. "I guess I just got…overwhelmed." I
sink down on the floor with my back resting against the bed. I'm pretty
surprised (I think I might have flinched) when she follows suit. She's never
been so close to me before. My stomach lurches, but this time, it's a different
kind of lurch. I refuse to call it butterflies. She stays still for a moment,
and I look up at her face. I try not to stare. She looks like she's in deep
thought about something, but I don't ask what. I'm selfish like that. Always
have been. Maybe some day that will change. I realize I'm still looking at her
when she suddenly plucks up my hand and takes it in hers. We don't intertwine
our fingers. The look on her face instantly melts into something that I don't
dare imagine as relief when she rests our hands on her knee. I can hardly
breathe, yet I do feel the relief I don't want to admit that she must as well.
Even then, when we were still just kids, it felt absolutely right to find
solace in each other. Just a simple holding of hands and it felt like maybe one
day I could be normal, like my parent's wanted.
We sat on the floor in my room just like that for probably close to an hour,
even though our palms got sweaty. We didn't even say anything. Didn't even move
our fingers. We just sat, perfectly still, in comfortable silence. I still
think that maybe we had a whole conversation that day, within that blissful
space. Maybe I didn't even open my mouth and I told her everything she needed
to know about me. Maybe she didn't move her fingers or her lips but told me one
day she wanted to move both, with me. I don't know. Holding hands with her that
day was the closest thing to a religious experience I've ever come.
The bubble that surrounded us was broken when we heard the crowd downstairs
start to sing "Happy Birthday." We quietly slipped downstairs and no one had
even noticed we were gone. I'll never forget though, as we were leaving my
room, she slipped her hand out of mine so slowly. Her fingers lingered after
her palm had left until all that was left was her index finger trailing behind
her, tracing my thumb. The disconnect had been almost physically painful. We
never did talk about it. I don't think we really needed to. That moment became
us. In that moment, she was mine, and I was hers, and we were at peace.
***** Day Two: Cuddling Somewhere *****
So, fast forward a few years, alright? I'm eighteen; Sammy is seventeen. "And a
half," I know she would say if she was here. Seventeen and a half, okay,
Samantha? Jeez, we aren't even one paragraph into this story and we're having
stubborn banter in my brain.
Anyway, we are at my parent's beach house, because yes, Bob and Melinda do need
three houses. Our group of friends has been an official group of friends for a
few years now. When we were all in high school, we sat at the same lunch table,
picked each other for partners in all of our shared classes. Now, Chris,
Ashley, Emily, Matt, and myself have graduated, leaving my sisters, Sammy,
Mike, and Jess remaining in their senior year. Ashley and Emzies (it pisses her
off so much, I love it) were supposed to graduate next year, but I guess it
pays to be honor roll. The five of us are starting college in three short
weeks. Chris is going for biology; Ash, cryptozoology. Emzies is going for law,
Matt for business, and I'm going for film making, just like everyone else in
California. The only difference being that my family already has credibility in
Hollywood, what with my dad being a director. The other six kiddies are stuck
for another year.
Sorry, I got to rambling again. So, we're on the beach, just a short walk away
from the beach house. Sammy looks a little upset and I can't fathom why. She
has that look she gets sometimes, like she's very confused about something. Her
brows crease together and her head tilts a bit to the right. I'm pretty puzzled
myself, trying to solve her puzzle. "Maybe she's deciding if she hates you now
after what you two did," the Psycho, as I've started calling him, lashes back.
See, I've told you before. Sammy and I were always close, especially after the
twins' birthday seven years ago. We rarely even needed words. Especially not
her, she could merely glance at me and read my mind. We were both guilty of
taking what we needed from each other, when we needed it. We didn't even really
have to ask, or even be grateful. We had an understanding about each other. Not
many people have ever caught on to the connection between us. It was a thinly
veiled secret that neither of us tried to keep.
So when she asked me to sleep with her, I didn't even ask her why. Maybe, I'll
tell you more another day about how all of that went down. The point is, two
months ago, the start of summer, we made love to each other for the very first
time. (I know, "made love" probably sounds ridiculous coming out of my mouth,
but that's the simplest way to describe it.) "Maybe she really had regretted
it," I began to think. She had never asked again. Just because he's a Psycho
doesn't mean he's wrong.
"God damn, Sam. I love you, bitch, and I say this for your own good. Lay off
the veggie burgers, babe, before you blimp out on us."
Emily had come completely out of left field with that one. Sam was the
definition of a jock, minus the stereotypical douchebaggery. There was
absolutely no way that Emily could be serious. As soon as she said it though,
Sammy looked like she'd been hit with a ton of bricks. She stood to leave, and,
to my complete shock, I could kind of see what Emily meant. She had gained just
a little weight. So little that it took someone as sharp as Emily to tell you
before you could see it yourself. I know I'm a perv, but it seemed to me like
most of the weight had gone to her already-amazing breasts. I got so caught up
(I may or may not have drooled, don't tell her) that it kind of snapped me back
to reality when she spun on her heel and walked off.
"Shit," I thought to myself. I didn't bother trying to lie about going after
her. I just got up and followed.
"Pussy whipped!" Matt yelled after me. I flipped him off at the time, but
considering everything that took place later on, I find myself laughing at the
irony.
I found Sammy up by the house, laying in the hammock, crying. I flopped down
next to her, kissed one of the tears off of her cheek, and began damage
control. "Sammy- Whammy," I started, "you look beautiful. Emzies is just
jealous because she has no tits." I had expected Sammy to laugh, or punch me in
the shoulder, or at the very least smile. Instead, she lifted her eyelids to
mine, her eyes swimming in a beautiful ocean blue, and said, very bluntly,
"Josh, I'm pregnant." My first reaction was one hundred percent Jesus hot sauce
Christmas cake. I was basically just a big kid with more antidepressants
myself, you know? How was I going to be of any use to Sammy at a time like
this? I didn't know how to feel or what to do, so I just pulled her onto my
chest and laid down on the hammock. She cuddled in closer to me, draping a leg
over mine. "Your heart is pounding," she remarked. I just nodded against the
top of her head. We stayed quiet like that for a little while. I was finally
the one to break the silence.
"What do you want to do, Sammy? You know I'll be here for you, no matter what."
She stayed quiet for another long minute. "I want to keep it, if that's okay…"
I lifted her chin up so that we could look each other directly in the eyes as I
said,
"Of course it's okay, Sammy. We'll figure it out. I promise you, okay?" I
pulled her onto my chest and kissed her. We kissed, no tongue or anything, for
ages before she finally calmed and rested her head in the crook of my neck. The
light summer breeze blew through the hammock, rocked us to sleep.
Three weeks to the day later, Sammy lost the baby. I missed the first week of
school to be there with her, feigning a death of an aunt to my professors.
(*cough cough* Aunt Lisa *cough cough*) We spent most of it curled into her
bed. She cried enough tears to drown us both. I'm not going to lie to you, I
did, too. I cried for the baby, I cried for me, but mostly for her, to be
completely honest. We had only ever told Chris, so it was at least a small
relief that we didn't have to go around announcing it to everyone we knew. As
the weeks rolled by, we had gone back to school. Sam and Emily made up. We kept
in touch, but we never brought it up.
I took to sleeping with my textbooks on my chest when the nightmares broke
through my medications so that I could pretend she was still right there,
cuddled up on the hammock, listening to my heart pounding. The world seemed to
forget our pain and moved right on by as always. Time slowed for no man.
No one knew it was short one small little soul in a sea of wanderers.
***** Day Three: Watching a Movie *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Sammy and I probably have watched a thousand movies together, but one in
particular stands out. It wasn't even just us in the room, because I was
thirteen, and any time I spent with Sammy was usually accompanied by my
sisters. Which was fine by me, because I didn't want anyone knowing how much I
just wanted her to myself to begin with. I mean, it wasn't really a cool thing
when I was thirteen to want to hang out with girls. Chris would have laughed in
my face until he cried. Even as it was, he constantly told me how sorry he felt
that I was stuck with three girls in my house all the time. Every Friday night,
the four of us, sometimes more, depending on the weekend, would watch at least
one movie together. Only the "Core Four," as we called the group of us that
spent every weekend together, would get to pick the movie. It rotated every
week. I remember things more vividly than others, I think. I remember that Beth
had picked the week before. We rotated each week by age, so I had been the very
first, then Sammy, then Beth (she won out by thirteen minutes, as I've
explained), and lastly Hannah. Last week, Beth had chosen "The Shining," just
like a true Washington. Hannah was always a little different than the rest of
them, though, so of course she picked a romance. "Becoming Jane". It was
actually pretty good, though I wouldn't tell her that if she paid me.
Sammy was curled in between Beth and I on the couch, with Hannah at our feet
with her back against the couch. We don't typically bust out the Theatre de
Washington unless it's more than just us. Sammy is resting her back on my
shoulder while Beth paints her toenails. Of course the pressure of her next to
me is palpable in my own head. I don't think anyone else notices. I carefully
extract myself from her and casually (at least I hope so) slide down the hall
and into the restroom. My shaky hands head straight for the medicine cabinet. I
pull out two of my emergency anxiety pills and take them with water. I take a
deep breath, count to ten. Do exactly as my new psychiatrist, Dr. Hill,
instructed me to do in these situations.
I think I trust him.
As I exit the restroom, I almost smack Beth in the face with the door. She was
standing so close to it. I tell her I'm sorry, but it looks like there is more
to this situation than meets the eye. Beth has something to say to me.
"It's okay with us, you know," she says bluntly. I'm a little more than a bit
confused.
"That I take a piss, or…?" Beth doesn't even crack a smile. Damn, it must be
serious. I stop smiling myself.
"Sam. It's okay with us that you're in love with Sam. You know we love you, big
brother, but we hate to see you torture yourself like this. You are the piniest
pine to ever pine and we're dying of anticipation. Just tell her already, you
big moron!"
Well, this conversation was not the one I expected to have with my sister this
evening. Although, really, it does kind of fit the mood. Jane Austen and Thomas
LeFroy were meant to be together. So much so that you could see the physical
pain of not having each other. Beth could see it in me. Apparently Hannah
could, too. I did love Sammy; of course I loved her. It hurt my soul, my actual
fucking soul, not to have her for my own. That much was painfully obvious.
However, if we were anything like Thomas and Jane, we were also destined to
never be together, no matter how hard we tried. I didn't want that for us. I
couldn't stand the thought of not being with her, even if it was years and
years away and she was only mine for a single second. The thought of hurting
her, though. Really crushing her. That thought was worse. So I did the best I
could to muster up a smile. "Yeah, I'll think about it, okay Beth? Thanks." The
look in her eyes told me she didn't believe me. The look on her face, I don't
know, it was something between disappointment and hurt. I walked past her,
leaving her alone in the hallway.
I flopped back down on the couch next to Sammy. Beth followed shortly behind
me, not saying a word. Sammy rested back against me once again, even though
Beth had finished with her toenails a while ago. The movie ended on a
bittersweet note. Mostly bitter, I had thought. They never ended up together.
Just like how Sammy and I were probably never going to be together. I knew
Hannah would think I was being a sap (I can hear the "awws" in my head even
now), but luckily she hadn't noticed.
Only Beth noticed me wipe the tears out of my eyes.
Chapter End Notes
     I'm not sure how I like this chapter. It might get a rewrite.
***** Day Four: On A Date *****
Sammy and I were never normal, so this was a hard one to think of for me. We
never were officially together. This, of course, was my fault. I know she would
have said yes had I asked her, yet every single time I almost opened my mouth
to do it, I remembered the night we watched Becoming Jane together. I
remembered all the things that made me wrong for her. Everything I wished I
could change. This isn't a perfect world. The girl doesn't always get asked the
questions she deserves to give answers to. My sister gets publicly humiliated
by the boy she's loved since she was fifteen. Babies die before their first
breaths. This isn't a perfect world, so we don't have a real date.
The closest we ever came was shortly before the twins disappeared, maybe three
months prior. I was actually feeling really good for the first time in a long
time. Dr. Hill and I spent five years working to find the right combination of
medicines to get me to this point, and we had finally succeeded. I felt
practically unstoppable. So in a rare burst of genuine extroversion, I texted
Sammy. I asked her if she wanted to go get some ice cream with me. I had a
thing about this ice cream parlor we used to go to as kids.
"Josh, it's November. Ice cream?" She had asked. Only then did I even think
about what month it was. She was right of course, smart Sammy.
"Fine then. That coffee shop on 7th street? We can get hot chocolate if that
appeals to your more seasonable palette, miss Samantha," I sassed back. The
coffee shop was actually a bit closer to Sammy's house. I would have offered to
pick her up or suggested she take her own car, but she always preferred to
walk. The only time she didn't was back and forth from my house to see my
sisters, or my dorm to see me. Both were a bit too far, especially at night.
"Sounds good to me, Washington. See you in twenty?"
"Yes ma'am," I replied, ending the call. I got dressed and drove over with
about five minutes to spare. She was already waiting, of course. Right next to
the doors. She knew that it made me uncomfortable to have to scan a crowd for a
person. I was feeling so bold that I even linked her arm with mine as I
approached her. We entered the shop and ordered our two hot chocolates, one
with marshmallows for Sammy. We found the perfect cozy booth in the very back
corner. Perfect for me, at least. I may have been feeling social but I would
never feel *that* social. I loved Sammy for understanding that.
"How have you been, Josh?" Sam had a spark in her eye that I hadn't seen in
ages. Excitement. Had she really not been excited for months, or had Josh been
too far into his own head to notice her moods? He couldn't be sure.
"It was… rough… for a little while. I had some things to sort out. Now though,
things are looking up. I got some new medications. Things are much more…quiet."
I did my best not to imply that I was sorting out the grief of the miscarriage.
I didn't dare tell a soul what the Psycho had to say about it. I was a fuck-up,
a murderer, if it wasn't for me, Sammy wouldn't have had to suffer. I had to
shake the thoughts from my head so that I could keep sane for her. It wouldn't
be cool of me to invite her out and then suffer a breakdown, now would it?
"I'm glad to hear you're doing better, Josh." Her eyes were so sincere my heart
almost broke. It amazed me that someone could really care that much for another
person. Especially someone like me. I told her all about school and how we
watched a lot of movies and my professor was a laidback hippie-era stoner who
talked a lot about the illuminati. She told me about how Ashley had started
going to the gym with her a couple times a week. How she suspected that Ash was
trying to impress Chris. She'd apparently been asking Jess for fashion advice
as well. I told her that Chris had started watching Doctor Who all the way from
season one to have something more in common with her. We talked about
everything, in a way we hadn't in a long time. Sammy and I weren't people of
many words, but every now and then, much like my small bursts of sanity, the
words would pour like a tidal wave across the parched beaches of our tongues.
We had only meant to stay at the shop for an hour or so, but we both were
completely shocked when the barista interrupted us politely to let us know it
was ten minutes to closing.
"Oh, jeez," Sammy said, reaching into her purse for her wallet. I stopped her.
"No, Sammy. My treat." I slid the money over to the barista. We both stood up
and headed outside. We slowly walked to my car, but I really didn't want the
night to be over. Right as I was about to speak up, ask her if she needed to
head home, her lips captured mine, urgently. She pushed me back into the
driver's side door. I kissed her back, cupped my hands on both sides of her
face, pulled her in closer. She was like oxygen. I, an open flame.
When we finally came up for air, she rasped, breathless, "Your place?" I
nodded. I scooped her up bridal-style (I know, cheesy) and placed her in the
passenger's seat. We were lucky to make it out of the parking lot that night.
That night, God, I remember it so clearly. How she moved under me, how her hair
felt wrapped in my fingers. She was so beautiful. It was probably the best
night of my life so far. I'll never forget it as long as I live.
***** Day Five: Kissing *****
I was fourteen when I got my first kiss. Mike used to tease me all the time
that I didn't "mack on the ladies," as he put it. No, seriously, that's a
direct quote. His only advice on how to get the ladies, however, was to ask
them to "make out a little and see where it goes." Real fucking smooth, Mike,
really. That's been his line his whole life, I swear. I was never really good
at talking to anyone, let alone girls. And I only have ever wanted to kiss one,
who happened to be a glorious fucking angel in comparison to myself. So
needless to say that when puberty hit like a bulldozer and all of a sudden I
became a horny teenage boy, I found myself in the socially awkward dilemma to
end all socially awkward dilemmas.
It was New Year's eve, so the gang was having a coed sleepover. Girls were
sleeping in the twins' room and boys were sleeping in mine. Calm down, bad
parenting Nazis. It was about 11:30 and I was talking to Chris about the Lord
of the Rings I think, when I felt something poke me in the side. I looked to my
right and there was Sammy, wearing a pretty red dress with a black cardigan
over it. She looked lovely. Her hair was down and curled, the blonde locks
cascading across her shoulders. Her hair was very rarely ever down, and I loved
it every time. Later on in our lives, she would untie her hair every time we
had sex, and it drove me crazy for her. But we're talking about now.
Now, she's poking me in the ribs and is joining in on the Lord of the Rings
debate with Chris (its over whether or not Frodo is a good character) and holy
shit how can she see Frodo as a good character? We go on and on about this
until suddenly we've switched to whether or not Dumbledore is a good character
and it's one minute to midnight.
"Go find Ashley, huh, Cochise?" I say after Jessica announced the time. I elbow
him in the ribs. He doesn't go to Ashley, but he does leave us to go talk to
Beth. They tend to nerd out together about video games, which Beth is fantastic
at, but frankly, Ashley couldn't be worse if she tried. Chris left, and then it
was just Sammy and I standing there as the counter went down. We didn't really
say anything, but when we got to thirty seconds, she grabbed my hand and pulled
me out of the room. I got so confused. Where was she taking me? But I always
trusted her to lead, so as usual, I followed. She lead me out of sight from the
rest of the gang, but you could still hear them counting down in the distance.
Ten. We were in the hallway when we stopped. Five. She pulled my head down to
her level. I remember thinking, "God, she's so short." Three. She says,
"Screw it, I can't wait," in the most raspy, sexy voice I've ever heard and she
puts her lips on mine and holy shit she's kissing me, this is my first kiss,
how did I get this lucky? I almost forget to breathe as I respond to her,
moving my lips against hers. I don't really know what I'm doing, but she hasn't
stopped me, so I keep going. We're well past one now and the cheers of our
friends, just a room away, still resonates in my ears.
Finally, after a second or an eternity, she pulls away, catches her breath. I
am blushing about as red as a tomato. She's more of a pink. She says, "Come on,
before they notice we're gone." I follow her back into the living room. Beth
throws me a knowing smirk, but no one else seems to have noticed. Sammy looks
relieved, and her lovely blush fades as she runs over to hug Hannah. She gives
her a playful kiss on the cheek. I hear her tell her, "I love you, Han. This
year is going to be the best. I know it."
I can't help but agree.
***** Day Six: Wearing Each Other's Clothes *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
After the twins disappeared, I couldn't think straight. I barely slept, ate
maybe a piece of toast a day (if I could keep it down), and began hallucinating
vividly even on the medicine cocktail that had worked so perfectly before. My
whole world had been ripped out from under me. I see now how I could have
handled things differently, reached out for help, but this thing I've been
writing for you isn't about "what-ifs." It's about cold, hard reality. So I
spiraled out of control. I finally just stopped taking my meds altogether, let
the Psycho wash over me, tell me what to do. He said to pretend, so I did. I
"reached out" to Cochise and Sammy. Made them think that I was getting better.
Spent weekends with Chris playing COD, spent weeknights fucking Sammy,
literally and figuratively. I knew she wouldn't be able to emotionally survive
this, if I went through with the prank. I knew I was destroying her, her
ability to love the way she does now, to truly care for others. "Good," the
Psycho had sneered. "You'll own her heart forever." I had smirked back, signed
her emotional death warrant. After everything we'd been through together, it
would finally end now. Everyone would hate me and I would finally be alone.
The night before the big night, the one that, in retrospect, I had severely
miscalculated, I packed my duffel bag for the trip. I spent a good hour looking
for my favorite hoodie, finally conceding defeat and heading to bed. I had
awful "twinmares" as I was calling them. It made me feel even more guilty, for
ever feeling like seeing my sisters was a nightmare. I cried, hard. Almost
thought about calling the whole thing off. Instead, pathetic as it is, I
imagined Sammy by my side. I dropped out of school almost a year ago, so
instead of textbooks, I pulled my duffel onto my chest. In my mind, she lulled
me to sleep.
The next night, everything started out according to plan. "Sammy, you're so
predictable." I remember thinking that as she and I finish turning on the water
heater. Half the plan had hinged on her ridiculously long baths after all.
Soon, I was finished with Round One, sawing myself in half. I gotta admit, even
now, that it was pretty fun as far as special effects go. After the gore-fest,
I was ready for Sammy. I crept up the stairs and peeked in the bathroom door,
left conveniently slightly ajar. Maybe she was waiting for me. Of course, that
would be for entirely different reasons than why I was actually there. Sammy
was completely zoned out. Good. I very quietly ducked down and army-crawled
across the floor, grabbing her clothes and sneaking back out. I headed down to
the basement to finish up some minor details before I noticed a familiar scent.
Her clothes, they smelled like me. My cologne. I looked through them and found
my missing sweatshirt. She must have grabbed it the last time she had slept
over. I smelled the hoodie again, this time noticing her smell mixed with mine.
She had always smelled like honeysuckle and pop-tarts and I never understood
why. Still don't, really. I knew I didn't have much time, but I slipped the
sweatshirt over my head anyway. I laid on the cold concrete and inhaled her,
us, how our unique scents mixed together. Thought about how we mixed together.
The basement door opened and I quickly pulled off the hoodie, put on my mask
yet again. "Time to play," grinned the Psycho. I grabbed up my prop, the
needle, filled with sedatives, and stalked off down the hall, leaving the
hoodie behind.
Chapter End Notes
     This one I might rewrite eventually. Not sure how I feel about it.
***** Day Seven: Cosplaying Together *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The summer right before my senior year in high school, Chris drags the whole
gang to AnimeLA, a cosplay convention. Everyone but Ashley of course knows that
this is so he has an excuse to hang out with Ashley. She's an anime junkie. The
only reason Chris watches anime is so that he can have more in common with her.
Emily and Matt bail, feigning cheer and football camp excuses. Neither camp
starts for another week, but Matt doesn't know a thing about anime and Emily
insists she needs to shop for a whole new wardrobe just for camp. Everyone else
goes, however. So we all slave over who to cosplay as for a good month
beforehand and decide to surprise each other the day of. Oh, the things I've
done for you, Cochise.
Much to our absolute hilarity, the day finally arrived and, as it turns out, we
had all gone as SnK (Attack on Titan) characters. Mike even dyed his real hair
to be Jean. Jess was a taller Christa, but the pigtails actually worked
perfectly. I've spent my practically my whole life focused on Sammy, so it was
a little odd that I even noticed how cute Jess looked that day. Beth was the
perfect Ymir, even throwing some lesbian comments at Jess just like Ymir would.
Jess blushed just like Christa would. Hannah went as Sasha, Ashley as Petra,
and Chris as Reiner. Sammy was an almost spot-on Annie, and being the class
clown of the group, I went as the Colossal Titan.
I did the thing that Dr. Hill never wanted me to do that day. I took a double
dose of my meds, hoping it would help me handle being in the crowds. It did,
for a little while. Mike was so disappointed that Emzies had bailed. She would
have made a great Mikasa. Maybe Matt could have been Eren, alpha male as he
was. Still, it was a crazy coincidence, almost like we were meant to be friends
from the start. Or maybe it was just because most of us had only ever seen SnK.
Regardless, I could barely keep my eyes off of Sammy. Luckily, my cosplay was a
full body suit, so she couldn't really tell I was looking. Unluckily, that
meant I had to be super careful not to get… aroused…if you catch my drift. We
walked in laughing, and people kept coming up to us for photo ops. Chris
entered a lookalike contest and Ashley met a Levi and Hanji and performed an
improv skit. It was pretty fun. I bought Hannah a Scout's Regiment hoodie and I
bought Beth a Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler) necklace, because she had a secret
ship-obsession with Sebaciel she thought no one knew about. She stuck her
tongue out at me when I gave it to her, but the beet-red blush wasn't fooling
anyone. I laughed until my chest hurt.
"Annie" swept me away when she noticed me start to withdraw from the crowd (she
was almost as good as Beth at detecting when my anxiety was going to kick in),
and we headed up to the hotel room we had rented on the third floor. (It was a
huge, Bob and Melinda funded suite with three bedrooms.)
Once inside, she whispered in my ear, "I have a secret, Colossal Titan." God,
it was so sexy. "Actually, two."
"Oh yeah?" I whispered back. "What's that?"
"One, I'm the diamond titan." Way to go with SnK lore, Sammy, seriously. By
now, I'm really curious for, "Two, I can see your hard-on." Blushing, I jumped
back, looking down upon my betrayer. Of course she was right. Think, Joshua
James Washington, think.
"Well, hard not to be hard with a gorgeous fellow titan shifter whispering in
your ear." Oh, thank Jesus, she's laughing. I'm saved. Or, at least, I thought
I was saved until she snuck up behind me and unzipped my suit. She guided me
out of it and pushed me onto the couch.
"They won't be back for a while," Sammy drawled, pulling my boxers down. Holy
shit, she was being so bold. She had never even seen a dick before as far as I
knew. Her eyes got wide when she looked down, and she blushed. She reached a
hand over and wrapped her fingers around my dick. No one besides me had ever
touched it before. It felt pretty foreign at first, to be honest. "May I?" she
asked, so quietly I could barely hear her. I said yes, obviously. She pumped me
experimentally a couple times. I moaned, encouraged her. She leaned down and
put her mouth, her cute little mouth, over the head of my cock. I gasped. She
sucked me, synchronizing her hands and mouth and boldly swirling her tongue in
circles around the head. Keep in mind, this is my first blow job, okay? It's
nervousness alone that allowed me this five minutes of bliss.
"Fuck, Sammy, I'm gonna-" I never finish the sentence. I know she understood
though, because she nods, still with her mouth full. I remember thinking, "Is
she really going to swallow?" Yes, she was. I came harder than I ever had in my
life and she swallowed every drop. We stay like that for a moment before she
goes to gurgle some mouth wash. Not romantic, I know, but we're Sammy and Josh
and we can be whatever we want, okay?
"You owe me," she says when she returns. She curls up next to me on the couch
and I wrap my arms around her.
"Can't wait."
Chapter End Notes
     Sorry its been so long! I am having writer's block like crazy.
***** Day Eight: Shopping *****
So many things happened after that prank. The wendigos had done far more trauma
than I ever could have done to my friends. My friends. Strangely enough, that's
what they were. Even after I had terrorized them, put them on a mountain full
of cannibal monsters, and suffered the worst psychotic break of my life, they
were my friends.
I had been naïve to think that Sammy was too weak to handle my insanity. I
really should have known that she would be okay. I never could have guessed
that it would be her to spearhead my rescue mission, however. She took the
police into the mines before she would accept medical attention even. Luckily,
Hannah hadn't drug me far from the underground lake running through the mines.
Hannah. It still tears me up inside to this day to think about her dragging me
away. Or what was left of her. To be honest, I'm glad that she was killed that
night. Her suffering was finally over.
Anyway, she found me. Huddled up in a corner somewhere. Full mental jacket, as
Mike had said. Wouldn't you be, though? When something that wasn't meant to
ever really harm anyone suddenly leads to "your presumed-dead sister ate your
other presumed-dead sister and is now a cannibal monster?" When she found me,
she didn't say anything. She just wrapped her arms around me and cried. I
couldn't even believe it. How could she cry for me of all people, who loved her
so much, who hurt her so much? It all goes blank after that for a little while.
When I come to, I'm in the hospital with a bandaged Sammy at my bedside.
"You're awake," she said simply. She got up and curled in next to me. I went to
put my arms around her, to check if she was real, only to realize my right
wrist was handcuffed to the bed. "It won't last, the handcuffs. The police
don't even want to do anything, it's such a mess. Mike almost shot Emily and
they aren't charging him. They just want to make sure you stay put until they
can interview you. Should I get Chris?" I didn't want to let her go, but I
needed to see Chris. We needed to have a real serious talk. Why was I so
focused? I hadn't been this focused in months.
"What's in the IV?" I asked, looking up at the bag. It had to be medicine for
something other than pain. I was still very much in pain.
"New medicines. Anti-psychotics. That's the reason things weren't working for
you. The medicine's weren't treating the right things. Your parent's fired Dr.
Hill."
"They're here?" That was the last thing I needed right then, a lecture from
them.
"They are, but you can see Chris first. They are actually being very un-Bob-
and-Melinda-y."
"Chris first, please?" She nodded and started to get up. I stopped her. "Sammy,
thank you." She looked like she had more to say, but she got up to go get
Chris. Leave it to Sammy to put my needs before hers. Chris walked in a moment
later, bandaged as well, with no glasses.
"Chris," I said nervously. I didn't really know how to start this conversation.
It was going to be a tough one.
"You fucked up. We both know that. I fucked up too, man. I should have seen-"
"Stop. I didn't want you to see. That was the whole point. I really fucked up.
Don't apologize because I deceived you, man." That went way easier than I had
expected. Was he really just dropping it that easily? "How's Ashley?"
Chris didn't push the issue any further. "She's… gonna take some time to heal,
I think. She's on this ward, too."
"Which ward is this?" I asked. I should have guessed, really.
"The Mental Health Ward. I thought you knew, I'm sorry. Jess is here, too. She
needed some surgery, she's going to need some cosmetic surgery later if she
wants to look the same. She's been through a lot, it's no wonder Mike thought
she was dead. " Chris must have realized how awful I was beginning to feel,
because he tried to add a positive spin at the end, "She's a tough cookie
though. If anyone could experience that and come back stronger and sexier than
ever, it's Jess." I laughed at the sheer thought of Chris finding anyone but
Ashley sexy. It was like Sammy and I. I had only ever had eyes for her, and
Chris only ever had eyes for Ashley.
"Does she hate me?" Even though we were talking about Jess, Chris understood
that I meant Sammy.
"I don't think so, bro. She did send a search party out for you. Refused to
leave even though she had just blasted out of the lodge, which, by the way, she
and Mike blew up, just to make sure that they rescued you. Bob and Melinda
aren't even mad about the lodge, by the way. Sam sat with them after they
cleaned her up and told them everything. The whole truth, start to finish. They
were able to send a team down to recover Beth's remains, and they know what
happened to Hannah. They got you back alive. They're actually really at peace,
considering the situation. Melinda wouldn't believe her at first, but your dad,
he believed every word of it. He convinced your mom to come around. And once
they found Beth, your mom fully believed her, too. They aren't going to lock
you away. They love you."
Damn, that was a lot to process. I was silent for a minute, before I asked,
"Are we going to be okay?"
Chris sighed. "I think we will, but you have to understand that Ash is in a
really bad place right now. I'm going to need to be there for her pretty
constantly for a while, and she isn't going to be ready to see you for a while
either. We're going to need time to sort out our emotions. You're probably
going to need time, too. To get to where you're feeling okay again. What I'm
saying is, this is all going to take time and space."
"I understand, Cochise." I clapped my free hand on his back. "Thank you for
coming and talking to me. I think I need to see my parents now." Chris got up
and headed for the door. "And Chris?" He turned back to me. "I love you, man.
I'm sorry."
"Love you too, bro. Get better, alright?" I nodded and he left to go get my
parents. The conversation lasted hours and I won't go into details, but
honestly? It felt really good. Like it was the first real conversation we ever
had. They finally understood me. They ended up getting me in with a new doctor,
Doctor Steincamp. He was infinitely more supportive, and I worked through a lot
of my resentment. I didn't see too many people for a couple months while my new
medicine regimen kicked in. I stopped seeing Hannah and Beth. It sometimes made
me sad that I couldn't, but when that happened, I'd just walk down the hall and
look at all the pictures of them littered throughout the house. It made me
comfortable. Not to say there aren't bad nights, but I really did get a lot
better.
Sammy came to my house three months later, with a vegan pizza and a supreme,
the first season of Mr. Robot, and a journal. The one I'm writing in now,
actually. A month later, I finally decided to ask Sammy to be my girlfriend,
and she said yes. As of right now, when I'm writing all this, it's almost a
year later.
I am now out shopping for an engagement ring with Cochise. For both of us, if
you can imagine the horror. Not only do we have to find one perfect ring, but
two. Chris finds his after probably the third store. Ashley's ring is an
emerald circular cut stone surrounded by a ring of yellow gems on yellow gold.
I know I don't know much about these things, but I think it's going to flatter
the red of her hair. It's warm, like her. She's going to adore it.
Sammy is much harder. How can I communicate everything I feel about her in a
ring? We search for hours and I can tell Chris is on the verge of giving up for
the day when we finally get to the last store in town. We looked carefully for
about ten minutes before Chris said, "Maybe we should just give it a rest for
the day?"
It was just then that I found it. Sammy's ring. I had been completely
overthinking it from the beginning. What is my love for Sammy? What it always
has been. Simple, pure, even understated, in a good way. It was a thin white
gold band, simple, delicate. The stone, yellow, like the sun, or her hair in
dusk. It was perfect.
We got back into the car, each of us with a ring box in our pockets. Tonight,
the gang was having a special dinner, everyone assembled. That was where Chris
and I decided we would propose to Ashley and Sammy. Surrounded by our friends,
our family, even. We had all been through so much together that it just seemed
natural to share in the first happy memory in quite some time.
They both said yes.
***** Chapter Nine: Hanging Out With Friends *****
It's February, the year before I carried out that terrible prank. The whole
gang is in my parent's lodge, and we're playing Truth or Dare in the living
room. Cochise and I are going shot for shot, the whiskey burning on the way
down. Beth strongly cautioned me not to drink too much while I was on my meds,
but I had blown her off.
"It's winter break, Beth-a-nee. Let me live a little," I slurred as I poured
another shot. "Besides, little sister, it's your turn. Truth, or dare?"
"Truth," Beth picks, thinking she has nothing to hide. Wrong you are, sweet
Bethany.
"Who do you have a crush on?" I ask, knowing full well the answer. If I had
known that I'd never get the chance to apologize, I wouldn't have embarrassed
her. She blushed a beet red.
"Jessica," Beth mumbled, and not everyone heard her. Those who did, Mike and
Matt, gasped. Hannah, Sammy, Chris, and I already knew that Beth was a lesbian.
We always had. She went through a brief phase where she tried to hide it, and
mostly she didn't tell anyone directly, but she didn't try to keep it a secret,
either.
"A little louder, sweetie. We can't hear you," teased Emzies. Beth crossed her
arms, hugging herself.
"I said Jessica, okay?" She almost yelled. Jess blushed and Emily gasped.
"Didn't know you batted for that team, Bethy. Better strike while the iron is
hot, though. Jess won't be single forever." It was Emily's way of telling Beth
that she accepted her, and Beth knew it. She took a deep breath.
"Jess, truth or dare?" Beth asked. Jess looked shocked, but she picked dare. "I
dare you to be my girlfriend," Beth declared. Damn, little sister, getting bold
over there. To everyone, including Beth's, complete shock, Jess got up from her
position next to Emily and sat down next to Beth. She intertwined her fingers
into Beth's and smiled.
"Okay," was all she said. The two did not stop grinning for a good hour.
Cochise and I took another shot. Jess picked Sammy next. "Truth or dare,
Sammy?"
"Dare," Sammy said. Brave Sammy, Jess was pure evil at dares. Always had been.
One time when we were fourteen, she made Chris streak through gym (or climbing,
depending on your brain) class. It was hysterical, even when they both had been
suspended.
"Hmm…" Jess thought out loud. Finally, a spark lit in her eye and a devilish
smirk crossed her face. "I dare you to kiss Josh." Oh, that little devil. We
had never kissed in front of anyone before. Doing so would finally make our
unspoken connection "real." Official. Not up for debate. We were commitment-
phobes. This was a huge step.
Sammy stood up.
Holy shit, this was really going to happen. There she was. She straddled my lap
and put her arms around my neck. Everything became shrouded in a delicious
alcohol driven haze.
"Ready?" She asked, quiet enough that no one else could hear her.
"As I'll ever be," I said. She leaned in for what I thought was going to be a
PG-type kiss, but I was dead wrong. The kiss made my chest warm, and yeah, my
dick kind of hard. She didn't use tongue, but it wasn't a closed mouthed kiss
either. It was the perfect tease. When she pulled away, I was breathless. She
then stood, took a bow, and sat back down by my side. There was a long silence
before my sisters started a slow clap, which lead to applause and Hannah
exclaiming,
"Finally!"
Mike and Matt howled like wolves and Jess winked at Sammy. Cochise clapped me
on the back and Ashley, dork she is, squealed.
"Not going to lie, that was pretty hot," Emily said, which caused everyone to
laugh. Finally, Sammy said,
"Ash, truth or dare?" and the game went on. After an hour or so, Chris and I
went to get another bottle from the freezer, only to wind up drinking at the
counter. Hannah and Beth walked up about twenty minutes later. They both hugged
me and told me how happy they were that it finally looked like it might go
somewhere with Sammy and I. Han kissed my cheek before walking back to the
group, leaving Beth and I basically alone, since Cochise was passed out
already.
"Thank you," Beth said.
"For what?" I yawned. I would be following Chris shortly, I knew.
"For Jessica," she said. "I never thought she would say yes. I knew she was bi,
but I didn't think she'd like me back. I'm not like any of the other girls I've
seen her with…" She frowned.
"No, you're prettier," I said. She looked pretty emotional, like she might cry.
She smiled and kissed my other cheek before walking away. I was so drunk I
didn't fully process that she was gone. I set my head on the countertop. "Love
you.. Beth… Hannah…" I mumbled. I passed out shortly after.
I never saw them alive again.
***** Day Ten: With Animal Ears *****
How in the hell did Sammy manage to drag me into this? I'm twenty four years
old, for God's sake! She had better know that I love her, because even though
it's for Cochise and Ashley, I'd never have done it if she hadn't sold me on
it. She's very good at getting me to say yes to things when she's on top of me
late at night. So here I am, at Luna, Ash and Chris' daughter's birthday party,
dressed as a tiger. The theme is Safari, and Sammy volunteered us to help with
the entertainment. Why does a two year old need a party this big anyway? She
won't even remember it! And I'm stuck here, crouching in my tiger suit, with my
face painted, ready to pounce.
I think the worst part is the ears. They're attached to a headband, which is
digging into the back of my real ears. I have never thought my life would lead
to being a full grown man wearing a headband in public. Sammy had better be
happy, and as for Chris and Ash, they'd better not ask any favors again until
Luna is at least ready to go to grad school. Why is she named after a Harry
Potter character anyway? Oh yeah, because her parents are fucking nerds. And
grad school sucks, by the way. Sammy is going to complete her Veterinary degree
and even she hates it.
Sammy. The only bright part of this party is Sammy in her cheetah costume.
She's still as athletic as ever, and her costume is pretty form-fitting, if you
catch my drift. Her tail swishes as she walks around, greeting every new guest.
Poor Sammy, always the coat girl. I can't wait to get mine and get out of here.
The party lasts for four hours. It feels like twelve, and the only two things
making this okay are Sammy's ass (I can say that, all right? I'm her husband,
after all.) and the look of pure, stupid happiness that Chris and Ash are
sharing. Luna is delighted, and it reflects on her parents. Looking at their
small little family, it makes me want that, too.
Apparently, it has the same effect on my beautiful wife, because as we load our
two dogs, Butterfly and Beanie (Butterfly is a chocolate lab with soft eyes,
Beanie is a black and brown German Shepherd with eyes that seem as though they
could see right through you), into the backseat and pulled out of the driveway,
she sighs wistfully. "I was so jealous of Ash and Chris today," she says.
"Because they didn't have to wear cat ears?" I joked. She laughed one of those
light, giggly laughs that she reserves just for me.
"No, goofball," she says once she regains her composure. "They were so happy,"
she says. "Luna was ecstatic. They were all so perfectly happy. Do you think
it's time to try?"
That was a tough question. Sammy and I have been crazy about each other for
over a decade. Of course I want to have kids with her. That isn't the issue.
When she got pregnant back when we were younger, it devastated us both losing
the baby. It was terrible on my mental health, which is just now starting to
feel truly stable. I thought it over for a few minutes. We both want this so
badly, why not give it a shot? My new doctors have been great. For the second
time in my life, I actively chose to be happy. The first, of course, being
marrying the love of my life.
"I'm as ready as I'll ever be," I said. She grinned.
We set to work that very night on starting our family, though I'll admit, it
didn't really feel like work. We slid off each other's costumes (we had already
removed that God-awful face paint), but I made her leave the ears on. She took
down her hair and sprawled out across our bed, naked, beautiful, mine. I
hovered over her, leaned in to graze her ear.
"Meow," I whispered.
***** Day Eleven: Wearing Kigurumis *****
Sammy and the Washingtons is a Halloween tradition in and of itself. Even when
Chris doesn't come, Sammy is always with us. This year, I'm thirteen, and
Hannah, Beth, and Sammy are twelve. Hannah was in a long-standing Japanese
culture obsession that started the year before and never truly ended. She
convinced us all to wear Kigurumis (think onesies) for Halloween. I thought it
would be hilarious, so I got everyone on board. None of us could wait for
Halloween, the night of the big reveal.
Finally, Halloween arrived, and the plan was to meet at my house since there
was typically better candy in my neighborhood. One by one, everyone arrived. We
decided to change separately and all come out at once, so that's how we did it.
Chris called, "One…two…three!" and we all jumped out.
The total personality mix around the room was too funny. Ash was dressed as
Hedwig from Harry Potter. Chris was Link from the Zelda games. Hannah was
Piglet and Beth was Eeyore. Sammy was Blue from Blue's Clues. Emily was a
leopard. Jess went as Hello Kitty, and lastly Mike went as the Pink Panther.
Matt wasn't in our group yet. As for me, I was Jack Skellington. We all gave
each other a once-over before busting up laughing. We really were great at
costumes.
Sammy was adorable. She even had the floppy ears looking flawless on her. At
one point, we caught eyes with each other and I flashed her a thumbs up. We
didn't talk too much, at that age. Even after our moment at the twins'
birthday, we still weren't big on words. As we got older, things changed a bit.
For the most part though, we didn't talk at all about "us" until after the
prank I fucked up back at the lodge. After I finally had some alone time with
her when I got out of inpatient, it was like I couldn't shut up. And the more I
talked, the more she talked. It took me a good four months or so of our
communication growing and expanding before it hit me. She had always been doing
things at my pace, from day one. She only talked to me as much as I talked to
her. She opened up when I opened up and shut down when I shut down. It was at
that exact moment that I decided that I was going to marry her.
Anyway, we Trick or Treated for a couple hours before we felt exhausted and
went back to the house. Everyone called their parents and asked if they could
stay over, and we poured out our candy and went for a wild sugar high. We
stayed up for a couple more hours, just talking, before we finally crashed. The
best part about the Kigurumis was that they made for great pajamas. I was
almost asleep on the couch when Sammy popped out of nowhere right in front of
my face. I jumped back and she held a finger to her lips, shushing me. She ran
her fingers through my hair until I was almost asleep. I almost thought I
dreamt it when I heard her say,
"Next year, I'll be Sally," before she crept back to her sleeping bag. I fell
asleep, and, true to her word, she was Sally that next Halloween.
***** Chapter Twelve: *****
Sammy was born to be a heartbreaker. Long legs, perky breasts, toned body, blue
eyes, blonde hair, and intelligent to boot. Hannah should have known the day
she brought her new friend, Sammy, home from school that she was damning me to
a lifelong case of puppy dog eyes for the stunning "girl-next-door" type friend
of hers. Sammy and I are special. Typically, the girl-next-door doesn't fall
for the closet-psycho, but there she was; I'm seventeen and she's fully clothed
but she's on my bed when my sisters are out shopping with Jess. And for a
moment, just long enough to forget that I'm the closet-psycho and she is way
out of my league, I muster the confidence to kiss her.
Sammy and I had kissed before, a few times, don't get me wrong, but this time
was significant because this is the first time I had ever initiated it. I'm not
off guard or paralyzed like I usually am; matter of fact, she is. She freezes
for a few seconds before she exhales, like in kissing me she forgot to breathe.
She starts to kiss back. I feel the corners of her lips turn into a light
smile, and it makes me smile, too. I get bolder, slide my tongue across her
bottom lip for the very first time and it leads to my very first French kiss.
Before I really have time to process what's happening, I'm hovering over her
with my hand sliding up her shirt and she's digging her nails into my back. The
pain feels delicious, and I shudder.
Still confident, I pull off her shirt and slide a hand under her bra. I graze
my fingers across her nipples and she gasps, her mouth losing rhythm with mine
for a split second before finding our dance again. In this moment, I feel like
a king. I remove my mouth from hers and bring my tongue to her now-hard nipple.
She shudders, wraps her fingers into my hair. God, I love her. I always have.
She moans my name, "Josh," and all of a sudden, everything has changed.
I jump away from her, shaking. In my head, my thoughts start spiraling. "She's
right, I am Josh. I'm Thomas LeFroy. She's Jane Austen; she's Sammy." And I'm
also thinking, fuck Hannah, because we watched that stupid chick flick, and
fuck Hannah for ever bringing Sammy home to begin with. All the real stories
there are, the ones you start hearing when you abandon the Disney dreams and
start to learn about reality, none of those people get the girl and I am no
different. I am way too damaged for her. Get her away from me. She won't make
it out unscathed any other way.
She breaks into my thoughts like the fucking level 99 rogue she is by putting
her hand over mine. She doesn't say a single word, but I know she knows what
I'm thinking and it pisses me off. So I do the only thing I feel like I can do
for her, to protect her from the Psycho gestating slowly in my brain. I shut
her out. Have to, really. I can't think straight when she's near me. Being
close to her makes me forget everything I know of how this world works. Makes
me forget about all the reasons we will kill each other in the end.
"Please, leave," I whisper. She hears me, though. She stands up and leans close
to me. She kisses me on the cheek, a lingering kiss that feels like it leaves
her thoughts imprinted on my face. She closes the door behind her. I slide
under the covers and fall apart. I sob like there won't be a tomorrow. Hell,
maybe there won't. I'm seventeen (and in hindsight, melodramatic as all-beaten-
fuck), and I can already see how I'll die. Her kindness will be the death of
me.
***** Chapter Thirteen: Eating Ice Cream *****
It's the hottest day on record of the year 2007. We're just kids still; I'm
eleven. This was before the twins' fateful birthday party that bonded Sammy and
I forever, and she's just the twins' new friend. Mostly Hannah's. They met on
the playground. Hannah had been crying because some boy called her "Four Eyes,"
and Sammy had witnessed it. She walked up and punched the kid in the face,
giving him a black eye and herself a week's suspension. Hannah and her had been
inseparable ever since. I didn't really know her, but I thought it was cool of
her to get in trouble to defend a stranger, especially when the stranger was my
little sister. Hannah had always been sensitive, and Beth and I had our hands
full protecting her. It was comforting to know that now she had Sammy to
protect her, too.
Sorry, I'm getting distracted again. It's the hottest day of the year and we
are all outside, because my parents are getting a new, high tech central air
system that heats or cools each room by voice command. Which is cool and all,
but right now there is no air conditioning inside, so we figure we're more
likely to catch a breeze out here. The new system is actually one of the nicest
things that my parents have ever done for me. It was installed so that I could
freeze out my night terrors (I shook and sweat a lot, so I never could get cool
enough to stop panicking) without making the girls bundle up. They told
everyone it was for energy efficiency, and honestly I appreciated the lie. I
didn't have to be embarrassed that my parent's had to spend that much money and
hassle on their one crazy son.
Anyway, we have basically exhausted ourselves swimming at the local pool, and
now we're a little lost on what to do next. It's only three, and the sun won't
be setting for hours.
"Let's go get ice cream," Hannah suggests. Instantly, we all look at her like
she's a genius. The parlor is just a block away, and when we get inside, the
cold blast of the air conditioning would probably have made me shiver if I
wasn't sweating balls. I get a mint chocolate chip, Hannah gets vanilla with
rainbow sprinkles, Beth gets the off-brand equivalent of Moose Tracks, and
Sammy gets cookie dough. Like I said, I have a great memory. We pick a corner
booth near the back. Beth makes it look like she picked, but everyone knows
it's just so I won't get embarrassed. I appreciate the gesture anyway.
"So, Sam," Hannah starts. Sam is next to Hannah, across from me, on the inside
seat of the booth. Beth sits next to/shields me by sitting on the side closest
to the aisle. "I hear you're going out for track next year."
"Yeah," Sammy says. She's a little shy at this age. She blushes. "Aren't you
going for tennis?"
"If they let me on the team," Hannah replies nervously.
"Oh, don't be coy, Han. You're a shoo-in," Beth says. Hannah blushes and
smiles. She's the best that team will ever have, and I think she's too humble
to admit that she knows it.
"What are you going to do next year, Beth?" Sammy asks. Beth seems caught off
guard for some reason.
"Me?" She asks. She thinks about it, then blushes. There was lots of blushing
on that particular day, I remember. "I know it sounds really weird of me, but
I'm going to do cheerleading try outs." We all raise our eyes at her, and I'm
sure she's wondering if she's grown two heads with how quiet we all are. Sammy
saves the day and says,
"I'm sure you'll do great, Beth. I hear the new girl, Jessica, is trying out,
too. Could be a good opportunity to make a new friend!" This causes Beth to
turn full beet red and look down at her ice cream for a few seconds.
Eventually, she regains her composure.
"What are you doing next year, big brother?" Beth asks, hoping to shift the
spotlight, I'm sure. The pleading look she shoots me sells me, and I decide to
bail her out of whatever her issue is. When I start talking, she instantly
relaxes and looks grateful.
"Oh, you know. I'm thinking of joining Campus Crusade, or maybe selling my soul
to Satan for unlimited hall passes and a blunt." Sammy almost spits out her ice
cream, and my sisters roll their eyes at me.
"You don't even know what a blunt looks like!" Hannah exclaimed.
"Neither do you!" I sassed back at her.
"Do too!" Hannah replied. We all looked at her, intrigued. How could the most
innocent of all of us know what a blunt looks like? "I did a Google search,
okay?" She looks so sheepish that I have to laugh.
"Well, look at Captain Bad Ass over there," I joke. Beth laughs.
"Look," Sammy says, nodding her head towards the front counter. We all notice a
lanky guy with sandy brown hair. "Isn't that Michael Munroe, the new kid?" It
definitely was. He gets a plain chocolate cone and sits alone. He looks kind of
sad and shy, looking only between his cone and the table. "Should we go
introduce ourselves?" I barely know Sammy, but God, is she the most
compassionate person I've ever met. I can't help but swallow my anxiety and
agree with her. We all get up to go introduce ourselves.
"Hey, you're Michael, right?" Mike jolts, startled. When he looks up finally,
he nods. "I'm Beth, and this is my twin sister, Hannah, my brother, Josh, and
our friend, Sam. Mind if we sit?" He looks pretty much green at the idea, but
he sheepishly nods anyway and gestures for them to sit.
We talk to Mike for quite a while. His dad moved them out here after his mom
left with his little brother, Tommy. His dad was great, he had said. Always
tried to encourage him to make new friends.
"Well, you have four now," Sammy had said. Mike smiled that smile that came to
be classic on him, that big politician smile that would look stupid if he
didn't look so damn sincere. We invited Mike to come swimming with us the next
day, and he happily agreed. We were good friends from that day on, the five of
us. Chris and him weren't as close, but that was mostly Chris' fault. It was
around that time that he began to go to the library almost every day. Some girl
named Ashley was there a lot and he liked talking to her.
Sammy began to come out of her shell in much the same way Mike did, and soon
became as close as family to us. Her true personality burst out from her
unexpectedly and suddenly, and she became the witty, talented, compassionate
girl that had been there all along.
***** Chapter Fourteen: Genderswapped *****
It's Homecoming Week of my senior year in high school. Naturally, Matt is
nearly unapproachable, he's so nervous. Being the star quarterback is a lot of
pressure on a man, if we've learned anything from our friendship with Matt
Davrose. Matt was the very last person to join our close-knit circle of
friends, just two years ago, when him and Beth dated briefly. She was still in
her, "I'm totally not a lesbian!" phase. The split had been easy on both of
them, and Matt had remained a staple in their odd lives. I liked Matt for his
simplicity. He had the ability to be so peaceful and easygoing. His personality
was flexible, and I admired him for it. Just not on Homecoming Week, because
high-stress situations always made Matt douchey.
For us non-jocks, every day of Homecoming Week had a theme. Not all of us
dressed up for each one, but we picked which challenges we liked best and went
with them full force. Monday had been "Twin Day," where you and a friend
dressed alike. Of course, Han and Beth pulled a Parent Trap and dressed as each
other. They got in trouble, because they even went to each other's classes.
They wouldn't have been caught if Hannah hadn't had to squint at the blackboard
without her glasses. Tuesday, Jess stole the show for "Celebrity Day," dressing
up as Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook style. Even I had to concede
that she looked damn good. Wednesday, "Career Day" went down, and Mike dressed
as a President, which was pretty well done if not totally expected. Chris was a
scientist, and Sammy wore all black clothes covered in white fur. She was a
crazy cat lady. Friday was going to be "Toga Day" for seniors, and "Inside Out
Day" for everyone else.
Today was Thursday, "Drag Day," as the student counsel had so eloquently worded
it. You were supposed to pick a friend of the opposite gender and dress as
them. Of course, Sammy and I partnered up as soon as it was announced, and God,
did we slave over it. We spent at least a week beforehand shopping for
everything in the right sizes and we knew we were sure to be a hit.
The minute we arrived at school, people were rolling with laughter. We had gone
to the costume shop for wigs, and my platinum blonde Sammy hair was in a tight
ponytail. Her black, wavy Josh hair was purposefully ruffled to look like bed-
head. "Sex hair," I told her. She had scoffed. She wore jeans, a plaid shirt
with the cuffs rolled up to the elbows, and my favorite shark tooth necklace.
The most ridiculous part of her look was the thick bronzer covering every inch
of her visible skin. I never realized I was that dark until I saw it on Sammy.
She must have been feeling really sassy that day, because she drew in heavy
bags under her eyes to match mine.
I looked like a horror show. My capri-length leggings were skin tight and pink,
which is funny enough without the wig. I then wore a compression top with a
matching zip-up jacket to match. We used really pale makeup on me, and I
basically came out looking like something out of White Chicks. Thank God you
couldn't see my blush through my white girl makeup. The laughter surrounded us,
and I got a little anxious being watched by so many people at once. Sammy
calmed me by lightly teasing Chris and Ashley, who were just across the hall.
Let me tell you, Chris' futile attempt at fitting his big head under Ashley's
beanie is basically the funniest thing I've ever seen. Ashley complained for
weeks that he had stretched it out. He ended up buying her five as an apology.
Coshise flashed me a thumbs up, and I gave one back, trying to smile. It seemed
like guys were coming from every direction to give me a high five or clap my
back. It was fun the first few times, but the crowd really started to get to
me, and Sammy noticed instantly. She lead me through the hall to my first
class. How she even knew where it was, I never asked.
"Relax, Josh. I'll be here," she said. I thought about playing dumb, maybe
breaking into the Friend's theme song, but I ended up just nodding and stepped
into the classroom.
When class got out, Sammy was there to walk me to my next class. And the next
one, and so on, the whole day. I loved her so much for it. There was never a
time she wasn't there for me. I stopped needing her around fourth period, but I
just let her keep walking with me. She never complained.
***** Day 15: Different Clothing Style *****
I gotta say, maternity wear looks great on Sammy. Those, uh, I think they're
called camis? Well those things, they hug her every curve and accent that
perfectly round bump of her belly. I like the cloth, yoga pant type bands that
top all of her pants. Sammy was adamant about keeping in shape throughout her
pregnancy, and I can appreciate the fruits of her labors. She's never looked so
beautiful as she does right now, glowing and curvy and smiling at me, because I
made her favorite, vegan fettuccini alfredo, for dinner. She's so happy in this
moment. Fuck, so am I. After all of the shit that her and I have been through,
it all feels worth it to be sitting here right now. I wish Beth and Hannah were
here to see this. Maybe they are, somewhere. Even without them, Butterfly and
Beanie look on at us happily, probably hoping for table scraps, which of course
they get. I'm in an odd state of bliss, looking at my beautiful pregnant wife
and our two happy dogs. I'm zoned out.
"Um…Josh?" Sammy asks. I lift my head lazily.
"Yes, Sammy?"
"I think my water just broke." Oh fuck. I jump up and grab the house phone.
Never a quiet moment with the Washingtons, huh? I run back to her and put her
on the phone with the midwife, who will be here soon, she promises. Sammy
wanted an at-home birth, and she always gets what she wants, at least with me.
Her reasoning was so cute, I couldn't even argue. She didn't want Butterfly and
Beanie to miss out on the action. This woman, I swear. I love her with all my
heart. The midwife is lightening fast, and we all get to work pretty quickly.
We're in the living room, and Sammy is in the hospital bed we've had sitting
here for a month, preparing for this very moment.
"Push, gorgeous," I tell her, holding her hand. She's covered in sweat, having
been at the whole labor thing for two hours now. "I've got you. Remember your
breathing." Sammy's eyes flicker. Of course she had forgotten. She starts using
her breathing techniques and pushes. Even Butterfly and Beanie are doing their
best to help her, standing on their hind legs licking her face. Sammy is
probably the only person to ever give birth to not mind being licked by dogs
the entire time.
"You're crowning, Samantha. The baby will be here soon. Just give me a big
push, okay? One… Two… Push!"
Sammy pushes, gritting her teeth and just about squeezing the life out of me.
She pushes long and hard, and at the end of that push, everything goes still
for an instant, like time lags, before we hear a new voice in the room. The
baby is wailing and I can't even process that the baby is finally here for a
full minute. Sammy collapses down, spent and heaving, finally relaxing her hand
so that I can go cut the cord.
"Congratulations," the midwife says. "You have a healthy baby girl!" Sammy
smiles, I notice from the corner of my eye. I cut the cord and bring her to her
mother. Sammy accepts our little girl into her arms, tears streaming down her
face.
"Hello, Hannah Bethany Washington," she says, and then there are tears
streaming down my face, too. She is my past, my present, my future, my soul
mate. We meet each other's eyes and she asks, "If that's okay with you,
Joshua?" I just nod. I climb in bed next to her and we look at our daughter
together. She has the Washington black hair and Sammy's ocean blue eyes. My
skin tone. Sammy's mouth. She's perfect. I look at her, then at Sammy. She's
clearly exhausted, but she's still glowing. Then at Butterfly and Beanie, who
had hopped onto the bed with us and now lay across our legs. Everything I never
thought I would have is right in front of me. I realize now that it always was.
And as I lay there, I think I start to glow, too, because Sammy is the one
constant in my life, has been for over half of it. She has given me the best
gift I could ever receive, more than I could ever ask for. Love, acceptance,
and now, a family.
Could I ask for a better woman?
***** Day Sixteen: Morning Rituals *****
Sammy staying over is basically as normal as breathing at this point in my
life. I'm fifteen, and there is barely a day she isn't up first thing in the
morning, brewing coffee, and psyching herself up for track practice before
school in my kitchen. She got on the team, obviously. I'm usually the only one
up when Sammy gets up, because I haven't slept. Some days, just to keep her
from worrying, I stay in bed until she leaves, so that she thinks I'm sleeping.
Other days, I decide it's easier not to hide from her, and I get up the moment
I hear the creak of the door as she slowly and quietly creeps out of the twins'
room, careful not to wake them. This is one of those days.
I'm exhausted. I've spent all night tossing and turning, sweating and then
freezing, and I can't stand holing myself up alone with my thoughts any longer.
It feels like pure relief when I hear her pitter patter down the stairs. I get
up instantly, throw on my sweats and a tee shirt just to keep that poor woman
from blushing (she still does every morning anyway), and head down shortly
after her. We have perfected this oddly flirtatious routine together, reserved
only for the quiet hours of the morning when no one else can hear us. It always
goes the exact same way, and in the routine, I find it easier to fend off my
demons.
I wait at least two minutes after Sammy heads downstairs. During this time, as
I mentioned, I get dressed in PJs. I slide on my slippers (which look like
something Sherlock Holmes would wear) and head down the stairs. As I'm
descending, I fake a large yawn, stretching my arms above my head. This is so
Sammy doesn't startle and knock the skillet off the stove, as she often did
before we cemented the routine. Sammy doesn't speak to me until I come back
inside from getting the morning paper.
"Hungry, dear?" she always asks in a terrible British accent. You'd think with
two years of this under her belt already and several more to follow, she'd have
polished up the accent, but of course not. It’s really quite endearing.
"Yes, dear," I reply in my British accent as well. "What will we be having
today, missus?"
"How about bacon, eggs, and pancakes for the gentleman, and a fruit bowl with a
glass of soy milk for the missus?" It's not the same menu every day, obviously,
but she always makes a non vegan breakfast for me when I'm up, and a vegan one
for herself.
"Quite right, Mrs. Washington, quite right indeed." I try my best at a pompous
chuckle. Sammy says it sounds like an old man with a coughing fit. I call B.S.
She begins cooking, setting me out a cup of hot coffee, black, and grabs my
pill organizer from the cabinet. It makes me a bit uneasy the first few times
she does it, but nowadays I start to laugh watching her struggle to reach the
shelf. She's so god damn short. I take my medicine in front of her. She doesn't
even know what the pills do, she just knows to give them to me. If I don't get
up with her she still leaves them out for me, along with an unwrapped breakfast
burrito in the microwave, ready to nuke, knowing I'll be out right after she
leaves. She's too smart for her own good.
Then, I always grab for my prop Sherlock pipe that I hide in the very back of
the odds and ends utensil drawer. You know what I'm talking about. Everyone has
one. It's never filled with anything, but I put it in my mouth and flip open
the paper. I read bits out loud with my accent, clucking over the current
events with disapproval. "Gas prices rose two cents this week, Mrs. Washington.
Can you believe it? Damn communists." She laughs and laughs. It's my favorite
part of the routine, making her laugh.
"Breakfast is served, Mr. Washington," she says, always smiling like the
chipper doofus she only lets me see fully. I get up and make a big show of
pulling her chair out for her, and then we sit together and eat breakfast.
We're mostly quiet during breakfast. Sammy tries to eat slow, make this moment
last as long as it can before she has to leave. When she finally can't put it
off any longer, she takes our plates. She usually has to dump half my food
because my stomach constricts. Especially in the mornings, and I find it hard
to eat. She never comments on it. She just rinses off the dishes and loads them
into the dishwasher. She makes sure she has everything before she returns to my
side, and says, "Alas, my love, I must leave you!" And kisses my cheek before
swirling on out the door. I sit there for a few minutes after she leaves,
thinking. I always whisper to myself, when I'm sure she isn't coming back in
because she forgot something,
"I love you, too."
***** Day Seventeen: Spooning *****
It's three months after I get out of the inpatient program when Sammy knocks on
my front door. I groggily pull myself off the couch, deep into "Howl's Moving
Castle" and not wanting to get up. My new medicines make everything feel like
I'm in a time loop that I can't escape from. Everything is heavy, and it's hard
to get out of bed some days. I make a mental note as I head towards the door to
tell Dr. Steincamp about it. I open the door, and literally jump back like a
startled animal.
"Can I get some help here?" She asks, unfazed by me being a weirdo. I'm sure
she's used to it by now. I finally look down to see her hands are totally full.
She looks like she might topple her small frame any second. I rush forward,
taking two pizzas off of her hands.
"Sure…" I start. "Come on in…" Of course, you don't need to tell her twice. Bob
and Melinda are upstairs (they've been here a lot more lately, more than they
have been in years), so once we get everything set down on the counter, I
holler up the stairs to them, "Sammy is here!"
Almost instantly, my parents are down the stairs and hugging Sammy fiercely.
"We're so glad to see you, sweetheart. How's school?" Mom asks.
"Great! Two more years until I go off to grad school. I've missed you all,"
Sammy says, and I'm almost positive she means me, too. My mom doesn't take too
long with the chatter before she rolls out the serious talk. Leave it to my mom
to bring up the elephant in the room in front of the maybe soon to be former
crazy person.
"Sammy, I was so thankful for your help with the girls' funeral preparations,"
Sammy had helped with the funeral? News to me; I didn't even get to go to the
funeral. My parent's recorded it for when I'm ready to see. It was a closed
casket, of course. "I was wondering if I could ask for your help again. I
haven't touched their room just yet… I'm kind of afraid of it. But I think that
we need to move on, to pack up the room. Would you be able to get everyone
together to help? All of your friends, I mean. We could try to make it a happy
time, make a day of it… I don't think Hannah would wanted us to keep all of her
stuff out like a shrine, and you know Beth would have vomited at the idea. I
was thinking everyone could take some of their things home, to remember the
girls by…" I've never seen my mom look so unsure. It was very un-Melinda. Sammy
smiled softly at her.
"Of course, I'll see what I can do. I'm sure we can think of something, even if
everyone else doesn't feel up to it. You still have my number, right?" My mom
nodded. Also, more news to me. "Call me when you decide on a date, and I'll get
in touch with everyone else." She looks to me, as if finally remembering that
I'm there. "If that's okay with you, Josh?"
I clear my throat. "Uh, yeah. That's fine." And the way Sammy nods, you can
tell she knows that I really mean it. I wasn't so sure when my dad had first
mentioned my mom's idea. I was still pretty mad. I didn't think they had the
right to touch my sisters' things. However, once my medicine kicked in and I
started to see things more clearly, I realized that they had paid for their
sins probably five times over. It was a big step on the road to forgiveness, to
do this for my mom. I finally relented, and she said she'd start working on the
details. That was about a month ago.
While I've been back from the loony bin, I haven't really seen anyone. I didn't
want to announce my presence as if I were someone who deserved a visit.
Clearly, my parents had done the work for me, beings as though Sammy was in my
dining room. Later, when I'd asked them, they said they had waited to tell her
so that I would have time to adjust to being home. Honestly, I really
appreciated that. Even three weeks before this, I wouldn't have been ready to
see her. Another thing to thank my parents for.
After a bit more conversation, my parents went back upstairs. Sammy had
probably saved their marriage by bringing them together on the mountain. After
that night, they finally began to spend more time together. By rallying them to
support me, it had given them something they had lost track of in the hustle
and bustle of their careers: family. They used to never be seen in the same
room together. Now, they were practically inseparable. Another thing to thank
Sammy for.
When my parents left, she immediately went to the cupboards for plates. She
started dishing out pizza like it was the most normal thing in the world, like
she had just seen me yesterday as opposed to nine months ago, when I had just
traumatized her. She handed me a plate and headed into the living room with the
first season of Mr. Robot in her hand, and that crazy woman ejected my damn
movie! She took out my Howl's and replaced it with Mr. Robot, and plopped down
like she owned the place.
"Well, make yourself at home, Samantha!" I said, actually a little upset about
my movie. She snickered at me.
"Just come eat pizza, Joshua," she cooed, and I finally sighed and sat down
next to her. I took a giant bite of pizza and started chewing loudly, then
began talking with my mouth full, just to irritate her.
"Yhou ahhappy, Shamny?" She just rolled her eyes at me, selecting episode one.
After we finished our pizza, she set the plates on the coffee table and grabbed
her favorite throw blanket (my parents even gave it to her on our wedding day,
she loves it so much) from the arm of the couch.
"Come here, dork," she says, pulling me down towards her. She positions herself
on the outside of the couch, leaving me in the relative safety of the inside.
If I'm not against a wall, I panic a lot easier. She then takes my hand in
hers, and drapes my arm across her. I just let her, my body like putty in her
hands. We don't say anything, really, the first time she comes back to me. I
finally relax after the first episode or so, and press into her back. I hold
her tight, hugging her. I cry into her shoulder, staining her hoodie with salt.
I feel her tremble silently as well.
We hold each other tight, sorrow finally giving way to interest as we get
involved in Mr. Robot. She mumbles something about me looking like Elliot, and
I nod. We end up watching the whole season wrapped in each other's arms,
curling into the hope of tomorrow.
***** Day Eighteen: Doing Something Together *****
Chapter Summary
     Warning: Very NSFW
I promised you that I would tell you the story that lead up to Sammy and I
going through one of the hardest times in our lives, having sex for the first
time. This story is difficult for me to write, not because I don't enjoy the
memory, because believe me, I do, but because of the fallout of our
carelessness. We were young and stupid, and we paid a heavy price for it. God,
I sound like a condom commercial right now, but seriously, be careful, alright?
You can get yourself in a load of hurt.
I was seventeen at the time, just a week and a half before my eighteenth
birthday, and had still never gotten laid. I was already out of high school, so
the street cred would have been useless anyway, but still. I was dying for it
to finally happen. I hadn't the slightest idea what to do when I got there
("I'm like a dog chasing cars," says the Joker), but damn, was it past due. I
didn't really want to pressure Sammy about it, though. I knew she couldn't be
pressured into anything, for one, and for two, I didn't want anyone but her
since I even learned what the word meant. So there I was, mayor of Virgin City.
Sammy and I were watching a movie one day in my room, I think it was "The
Grudge," when she turned to me out of the blue and point-blank asked, "Do you
want to have sex with me?" I looked at her for a good while in utter confusion,
trying to process what she said. She didn't repeat herself, just waited
patiently while I probably looked like a Neanderthal. Of course, when I
realized I still hadn't said anything and was being a moron, I said,
"Oh! Uh, yeah," like the smooth devil I am, and she gave me a small smile. Like
I said before, I didn't really ask questions. We had fooled around a couple of
times before, so we had sort of a rhythm worked out. She crawled up on my lap
and straddled me, starting by planting slow, deliberate kisses from my ear,
down to my jaw, over to my lips. I kissed her back, sweetly. My hands rested on
her hips, but they began to trail up under her shirt. Sammy jolted, and when I
looked up at her, she said,
"Sorry, your hands are cold," and giggled at herself. I smiled at her,
continued to travel up, slowly grazing over her ribs until I reached her
breasts. They were (and still are) perfect C cups, and her skin was prickled in
goosebumps, nipples already hard. I grazed my thumbs over them, and she let out
a tiny squeak that was basically the most adorable sound ever. I pinched at
them, lightly tugging them towards me. Sammy rolled her head back and moaned,
grinding up against me to relieve the tension. I stopped and pulled her shirt
and sports bra off and she took her hair down. The blonde tresses tickled at
her skin and the afternoon sun coming through my window painted her golden and
beautiful as ever. She lifted my sweater off of me, and for once, I didn't
flinch.
Since she was on my lap, it gave me the perfect opportunity to hug myself
against her while we kissed, and I loved the feeling of our bare chests on each
other. It just felt completely erotic, and I can't explain why. I rolled my
hips up towards her, and she let out a deeper moan, pushing back into me with
equal fervor. With almost no effort, I flipped her over so that she was on her
back against the pillows, and I was above her. I immediately went for the
button and zipper on her jeans, my nervousness finally poking through with my
shaking fingers. I eventually got her jeans undone and slid them down her,
throwing them off the bed somewhere. Since I was already down by her feet, I
kissed up her legs, the back of her knees making her gasp, up her inner thighs,
to where her panties were hiding her sweetness from me. She was pretty silent
actually, until I began kissing at her clit through her panties. She almost
immediately began writhing, pushing herself towards me. I smirked a bit on the
inside; pleasing her felt so good. After a few minutes of teasing her, I
finally relented and slid her panties off. I went back to work on kissing and
licking her clit, and slowly inched a finger inside her. I had never felt the
inside of a vagina before, since she'd only ever let me go down on her twice
before this, and it was almost indescribable. She was so warm, and wet, and my
God, every time my tongue lolled over her clit, her insides would shudder,
sucking my finger deeper inside of her. She was moaning like crazy by now, and
she quickly came on my fingers, her movements erratic and wild. Once she
regained her composure, she sat up and flipped me on my back, way easier than
I'd like to admit.
"Your turn," she said. There's a special raspy voice she gets when she's turned
on, and it instantly causes my already-hard cock to ache from getting harder.
She scooches back from me a bit so that she can lean down. She unbuttons my
jeans with ease and begins to lick my cock. She starts in slow, lazy circles,
lightly grazing around the head. It's such a tease. I start to leak with pre-
cum, and she notices. She smiles, making direct eye contact with me as she
takes about half of me into her mouth in one sudden motion, causing me to groan
loudly. She bobs her head up and down, her tongue expertly working me inside
her mouth. I can hardly stand it; it's taking everything in me not to push
myself in deeper. I really start to wonder how it will feel inside of her, with
her walls swallowing me whole. I tell her I can't take much more of this and
she instantly stops, coming back up to me to kiss me, hard. This is by far the
most sexually charged kiss we had shared up to that point. She keeps me focused
on kissing her, distracting me from my release. When I feel like I'm good to
go, I flip her back under me, and I notice she is shaking. It honestly hadn’t
occurred to me that she could be as nervous as I was.
"Are you okay?" I ask her. She nods, reaching both hands out to my hips and
pulling me closer to her. My cock is grazing her core, and I slide it against
her. She moans, bucking her hips towards me. I take that as the all clear and
decide it's time. I know that I have to be super gentle with her, so I am, as
much as I can be. She's so goddamn wet that the tip of my cock slides into her
in one motion, and she cries out. I stay as still as possible. We stay like
that for a few seconds, before she grinds into me, pushing me a little deeper.
I don't dare move. I don't want to hurt her. Instead, I let her push against me
whenever she feels ready until I'm finally all the way inside of her. I look
into her eyes, mine forming a wordless question, and she nods. I slowly rock
myself into her. Christ, she feels so good. I start out extremely slow, both of
us getting used to the new-ness of each other. Of what this feels like. She's
swallowing me up, and I pick up the pace. She begins moaning, pulling my head
down to kiss me deeply. I know I can't possibly make this last long, but I try.
I begin to go much, much faster, and she moans and yelps and it is the sexiest
thing I've ever heard. She stutters out in bated breaths,
"I'm… going… to… ahh!" And she comes for the second time today, hard. I can
feel her spasm around me, twitching and pulsing and dripping and I can't take
it a second longer. I thrust into her hard, one last time, filling her up,
having the hardest orgasm I think I've ever had. I'm moaning and she's gasping
and when we've both ridden out our orgasms, I collapse down beside her, both of
us shaking. We're both covered in a sheen of sweat and God knows what else. I
pull her over to me and she rests in the crook of my arm. Our breathing finally
slows a bit, and she gets up after ten minutes or so to clean up and get
dressed. I follow suit, picking up both of our clothes while she's in the
bathroom. She comes out smiling shyly, and starts to put on her clothes. By
now, our movie is over, and the twins will be back soon.
"I've got to run to my place to change and shower before the girls get back,"
she says. I nod. I walk over to her and hug her hard, planting a kiss on her
forehead. She turns to leave, calling over her shoulder, "I'll see you at
dinner," before heading out. Once she's gone, I look at the disheveled mess
that is my bed, before laughing and collapsing in the middle of it. I know I've
got to clean up before my sisters get back, too, but for just a minute, I want
to process what just happened.
Later that evening, Sammy and I exchange a knowing smile from across the table.
Beth looks inquisitive, but doesn't ask. Sammy and I play footsie under the
table for the whole meal.
***** Day Nineteen: In Formal Wear *****
Sammy and I did not go to any school dances together. I usually went alone, and
Sammy always went with Hannah, since Hannah would always feel bad about not
getting the boy-of-the-month to ask her. Sammy was a great friend to Hannah
from day one, and I didn't ever get really jealous of not being able to take
her out. I knew she would have gone with me if I had asked, but I didn't want
to take that from my sister. Hannah was always so fragile, I would do just
about anything to keep her from cracking. That's what big brothers are for,
right? And even though I've been through years of therapy, and had Sammy and
Chris reassuring me every step of the way, I will still always feel like I
could have done something to save them if I had been awake. I failed them. I
see now that pulling the prank I pulled was just a way to feel less guilty, to
blame it on everyone and anyone else. Logically, I know that it wasn't anyone's
fault, including mine, but it doesn't change how I feel.
Anyway, it was prom of my senior year. Mike and Emily are the only two that are
actually a couple, and almost all of my single friends (and me) are basically
pussies and won't ask anyone to prom. Matt, however, does the cheesiest prom-
posal I've ever seen. In halftime of the last game of the year, the marching
band plays, that song who's title I can't remember from "Ten Things I Hate
About You," and form into the word "Prom?" in the middle of the field. Matt
then steps out with a microphone and a rose, remaining silent. The rest of the
team comes out carrying a huge banner. They run out to the marching band and
unravel a large sign that said, "The only real touchdown will be if you go to
prom with me," and Matt finally speaks. He faces the cheerleaders and says,
"How about it, Jessica? Will you go to prom with me?" And Jessica of course is
crying she's so happy. She runs up and collects the rose from Matt, taking the
microphone and saying yes. They kiss and the whole crowd cheers for them. It
was something straight out of a movie, and it shows me yet another dimension to
Matt. I was really happy for them when they got back together after the Wendigo
incident. Matt barely left her side the entire time she was in the hospital.
They're married now, and are having a girl in two more months.
Chris won't ask Ashley, and I won't ask Sammy, so we decide to go stag. Ashley
goes with Beth, which I chastised Beth for heavily. Beth assured me that she
wasn't going to try to hook up with Ashley, but I honestly think that she did.
Neither ever said anything about it, but Ashley would not stop blushing for
months after prom every time Beth was in the room.
As per usual, we all intend to gather at my house before we go out. Mike is in
charge of getting the limo arrangements in order, and he then picks up Chris,
and Matt. The girls all met at my house around 10 am to get ready together, and
I've been banished to the living room so that I will be as surprised as the
rest of the guys. When they get there, we all just hang out in the living room
kind of awkwardly with my parents, who are determined to get pictures of all of
us. My mom gets a dozen shots of us guys together before Hannah calls out
around 7:30, finally, "We're ready!"
My mom scrambles to make sure she gets a shot of each girl going down the
stairs, making them come down by one by one. Emily is jaw-dropping, wearing a
scarlet full-length gown and extensions, making her hair cascade down her back.
Jessica is next, wearing a light blue ball gown, the kind that puff out well
past your hips. It has white lace trim. She looks beautiful. Matt stutters out
compliments when she approaches him. He shakes as he places her corsage around
her wrist. She beams. Beth is next, wearing a forest green sleek full length
dress and black strappy heels. My mom cries. It's so rare to see her dress up
for anything. I tell her she looks beautiful and she sticks her tongue out at
me. Ashley is next, wearing a short ruffled black dress with sequins
embellishing her bodice. She looks amazing as well, and Chris can't make eye
contact with her. Beth slips the corsage on her wrist and the deep crimson of
the rose is the perfect finishing touch to her outfit. She looks like a punky
princess. Hannah comes down next, wearing a teal glossy dress with a simple
white ribbon around the waist. Her hair is in an updo and she opted for
contacts that day, so her face is more noticeable. The look is simple, yet it
looks perfect on her. She blushes as she sees everyone smiling at her and
nearly trips down the stairs.
Sammy is last, and they definitely saved the best for it. The wind gets knocked
out of me when I see her, wearing a red ball gown with black trim. Her blonde
hair is in an updo, but just a few well-placed stray curls stay down. She's
wearing shoes that look like they're straight out of the Wizard of Oz, ruby red
and sparkling. I don't even realize my jaw has literally dropped until Beth
lifts her hand to my mouth and forcibly closes it with a wink. She's perfect,
she's actually perfect. Someone points out that her and I match (I'm in a black
tux with a red cumber bund), and my mom insists we take pictures. I can barely
stand to be next to her, I'm so flustered, and the pictures turn out awkward-
looking. She says under her breath to me just before we leave, low enough that
no one else could hear, "You look fantastic, Washington," before winking and
joining with Hannah. The two linked arms and headed out to the limo.
Even with how beautiful she looked, and how perfectly we matched, I still
didn't regret not asking her to prom. Hannah was so happy, and we all had one
of the best nights of our lives. I'll never forget a second of it.
***** Day Twenty: Dancing *****
So we get to prom and it's packed. It took us about twenty minutes just to get
into the ballroom. It looks stunning, but way too crowded for me. I was getting
anxious just sitting in the limo with people that have known me for years.
Sammy notices. She always does. We make it inside and everyone sort of breaks
off, leaving me by the door. Sammy shoots me an apologetic look as she's
dragged away by a chattering Hannah. Some girly pop song is on. In the distance
I see all the girls jumping around and dancing. I start to wonder why I
bothered to come here in the first place. Maybe for the illusion of normalcy?
If that was the case, the illusion was shattered before I even walked in. I
decide to just grab a drink (which I spiked) and find a table to hide at. The
buzz does little to satisfy my anxiety. No one has come to check up on me. "Why
would they? No one wants to associate with a freak like you," Psycho whispers
under my breath. I sigh. I need to get out of here. We're on the fifth floor of
a hotel. The ballroom is dark, but as soon as you exit the room, you're met by
large windows that show you the city below beautifully. It's here, wondering at
the night sky of Los Angeles, where she finds me.
"Josh!" I hear from across the way. I turn, even though I don't really need to.
I'd know her voice anywhere. She bounds up to me as well as she can in
stilettos. "I looked everywhere for you. I thought you'd left."�
"I was thinking about it," I say, before focusing my eyes back to the window.
So many people walk below us, and they look like ants. I pretend to crush them
with my fingers, like I did when I was a kid. Sammy sighs, deciding eventually
to join me at the window. She starts mimicking my hand movements, and I
chuckle. She knows how to get me to smile.
"You promised me a dance. You can't leave yet," she states. She's lying, yet
she's not lying. I never did verbally promise to dance with her. We don't make
those sorts of promises, remember? However, she is right. Every time I kiss her
behind closed doors, every time I linger a beat too long in her arms when she
hugs me goodbye. Every time I look at her with those damn sappy puppy eyes that
I hate, of course I'm promising to dance with her. She knows it. Sometimes it
really pisses me off how well she reads me. This time, however, I just resign
to my fate.
"I don't want to be in there. It makes me…"
"I know. Come here," she opens her arms and gestures for me to follow her. I
comply. She pulls me into a hug before wrapping her arms around my neck. As if
on cue, a slow song comes on in the ballroom. "Colorblind" by Counting Crows. I
place my hands on her hips. I lead, lazily I'll admit, slowly turning her in
circles.
I am colorblind. Coffee black and egg white. Pull me out from inside. I am
ready, I am ready, I am…
We turn and turn, and honestly the alcohol makes me a bit dizzy. I get brave
and spin her once, before pulling her close to me. I have another moment like
the very first I had with her, so many years ago. It feels utterly spiritual.
Like we're the only two people that exist. The song sucks me in, the smell of
her sucks me in. It's overpowering and it's a disaster like everything that I
am, but it's so beautiful. It's so all-encompassing, and with anyone else I
would be hyperventilating and curled in the fetal position by now, but it's her
and maybe she is perfect enough for the both of us. In the short minutes of the
song I see a brief vision of what my life could be like with her swaying with
me, dancing in slow circles until the music stops.
The music stops.
She looks up, directly into my eyes, and hers are a swimming blue, like they
might pour a river over both of us. It's been so long since I've felt close to
her like this. We're in perfect synchronization. The song is over and we aren't
dancing anymore, but neither of us try to get out of the other's grasp. We
stare at each other, and it's a gaze that only Sammy and I can ever share
together, because it's just that intimate. I know exactly how she feels in this
moment. She knows exactly how I feel, too. We could stay like this forever.
Forever ends just as abruptly as the music when Jessica and Beth, clearly drunk
as hell, burst through the ballroom doors, led by the principal. Shortly after,
the whole gang has been thrown out. Luckily we go to a very rich school, or
else I'm sure they would have had us arrested. Laughing, we all pile into the
limo and get ready for a long after party. Sammy and I sit across from each
other, and just once on the drive, she glances at me. We make a brief moment of
eye contact. I try to telepathically convey how much I love her. She nods. She
knows.
***** Day Twenty One: In Battle Side by Side *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"What the fuck, bro?" Chris yells from across the room as I land a sick combo
with Scorpion on his Raiden.
"Sucks to suck!" I laugh back at him, before knocking him down to one HP.
FINISH HIM, the tv screen urges. I do, using my chains to rip out his spine.
Gore covers the floor and Chris has been defeated. He's always been a sore
loser, ever since we were kids. Once, he lost a bet and didn't want to pay up
the ten bucks, so instead he chose to throw an epic bitchfit until I finally
told him to just drop it. You wouldn't think of him as being too terribly
competitive, but bets and games really bring out the beast in Cochise. He just
won't accept a loss.
"Come on, motherfucker, I have a bet for you," Chris snarls. I say "snarls"
because holy shit is he seething. If looks could kill, I'd be six feet under
already. Figuring it's easier to just humor him, I decide to listen to whatever
stupid idea he's come up with. I gesture for him to continue. Sammy shoots me a
look as if to say, "Are you sure that's a good idea?" and Ashley bites her lip
nervously. "Wife against wife. Ashley and Sam. Whichever wins can keep bragging
rights permanently for Mortal Kombat champ." This is the dumbest idea ever.
Sammy isn't too great at this game, but Ashley doesn't even appear to have
opposable thumbs when it comes to video games. Chris is clearly not thinking
this through. I try in vain for ten minutes to talk him down from it, but Chris
holds firm. Finally, Sammy and I cave. Ashley goes white as a freakin' ghost.
She knows she has no chance.
Ash and Sammy get ready to start the match, and Chris gets right up next to her
to cheer her on. Chris is actually starting to piss me off today, so I follow
suit and whisper in Sammy's ear, "Decimate her," and Sammy just nods. She's
naturally competitive, so she wouldn't have let Ash win in a million years, but
she does handle a loss with infinitely more grace than Chris does. They were
ready and started the game.
Sammy is Sonya and Ashley is Jade. Jade is actually one of the better female
characters in the game, and if you know her combos, you will destroy everyone
in your path. The first round was over almost as fast as it began, Sammy barely
even letting Ashley hit her. "Good job, babe," I encourage as she wins the
first round.
The second round, however, is the biggest plot twist I've ever seen. And trust
me, I've been a plot twist; this tops it. Ashley suddenly begins furiously
hitting buttons, delivering a lethal combo to Sammy within seconds. "Holy
shit!" Sammy exclaims. I look over to Chris, and he's smirking devilishly. What
the fuck? It's simply not possible for Ashley to improve that much from one
round to the next. Unless…
I'm interrupted from my thoughts by round three beginning. "Get her, babe!" I
say to Sammy. She's biting her lip in concentration, hitting combos left and
right. They're about neck and neck for the moment. It's clear, sad to say, that
Sammy is just an inch from utter defeat. We're really going to lose the bet. I
can't even fucking believe it. As if on cue with my brain, Ash gains the lead
and swiftly dispatches Sammy. Damn, I had no idea that Ashley could be so
ruthless.
"Yes!" Chris jumps up, picking Ash up with him, swinging her in circles. She
smiles and kisses him. They're so adorable I could puke, if Sammy wasn't
laughing hysterically. I'm confused now.
"What the hell happened there, Ash? You were straight ruthless." Ash finally
sits back down, blushing. Sammy is doubled over. Chris looks like he could cry
from laughing so hard.
"We gotcha!" Chris chokes out. "We got you so good." What is he even talking
about? I look to Ash for an explanation, since Sammy and Chris are basically
useless at this point.
"Well, Chris has been planning this bet for months," she starts. I get even
more confused. I'm probably pulling the Sammy face right now, actually. "Sammy
and Chris trained me to play perfectly on just one character so that I could
get the win." I look at Sammy, feeling betrayed.
"You threw the bet?" I ask her, disappointment evident in my voice. She shakes
her head, trying to breathe.
"No, that's the best part!" Sammy exclaims. "We taught her how to play, but I
was really trying to beat her. I didn't throw it at all. She's just that good!"
I finally crack a smile.
"Well played, Cochise." Chris nods and comes over to me. We share a bro hug and
finally everyone can breathe again. We spend the rest of the day taking turns
trying to beat Ashley. Not a single fucking one of us in four hours win.
Chapter End Notes
     Soooo I felt really bad for not updating in like a year, so to make
     up for it, I released every chapter I have so far. I hope you all
     enjoy!
End Notes
     Sidenote: Canonically speaking, Hannah is the older twin, but I just
     can't see it. Anyway, hope you enjoyed!
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
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