Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5705983.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Persona_3, Persona_4
  Relationship:
      Arisato_Minato/Seta_Souji
  Character:
      Arisato_Minato, Seta_Souji
  Additional Tags:
      First_Time, Established_Relationship
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-01-12 Completed: 2016-04-17 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 11464
****** 1, 2, 3, 4 ******
by neonsign
Summary
     All about wanting and being wanted.
Notes
     part of 1633 but you definitely don't have to read it to understand
     if it's not your thing, no worries
***** Chapter 1 *****
It was easy to coast through life unattached; nothing holding him down, no one
holding him back. But then Souji appeared and Minato reached the end of some
rope he didn’t know existed, the tether snapping tight around his neck and
knocking him flat on his back. It was Souji that would help him to his feet
every time, but it was Souji that put him there in the first place.
If this was what it meant to care for someone, it was a lot scarier than he
could’ve imagined.
He just wanted. He’d never cared about anything enough to want, but now it was
all that filled his head and he didn’t know what to do with it. He wanted to be
around Souji all the time. To listen to his voice and smell his cologne and to
kiss and touch him. And he wanted to be wanted, for Souji to want him, to look
at no one else. It was obsessive and creepy and left him feeling dirty and
pathetic, but he couldn’t help himself.
Stretched along his bed, leaning against his pillows, Minato looked up from his
handheld game to Souji’s hand on his thigh. His legs were resting across his
lap while Souji drew absentminded patterns just above his knee. Tiny figure
eights, it felt like. The rest of Souji’s attention was on the TV.
Buried somewhere beneath all the anxiety of wanting more than he was wanted,
Minato could recognize that he loved this. For a long time he had tried not to
think about relationships knowing he’d never be in one, but if he had to think
about his ideal, this would be it. No pressure, no forced conversations. Just
existing in the same room, each doing their own thing. That was all, but it
meant a lot.
Minato saved and turned off his game but even after he rolled a little sideways
to put it on the bedside table, Souji didn’t look at him. He tried staying
still, tried watching Souji’s show, but he’d been off all day and couldn’t
concentrate on anything. Whether it was the depression or whatever, that
familiar static was back, filling his brain until he couldn’t hold a coherent
train of thought for more than a few minutes before it trailed off into
obscurity. Somehow this lead to him lifting a leg and bringing it across
Souji’s field of vision, but he just kept staring at the TV. So he did it
again. Only on the third time did Souji wrap an arm around his leg and pin it
to his chest.
“Is there something you want?”
“No.” Minato lifted his other leg, crossing it over to poke his toe against
Souji’s cheek.
Still only looking at the TV, Souji asked, “Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
The foot pressed against the side of his head and Souji let it tilt him side to
side for a moment before moving lightening quick, grabbing the ankle and
tickling the bottom. Minato gasped and kicked, wrenching it out of his grip –
and booted him in the face.
The smack seemed to echo around the room, resounding in a stunned silence.
Souji was turned away, head lowered and face hidden from view. For a moment
Minato froze with his leg lifted absurdly in the air, stuck somewhere between
horror and wanting to burst out laughing.
Then Souji’s shoulders started shaking and his heart stopped.
“Are – are you okay?” Minato sat up on his knees, but Souji turned further
away, pressing a hand against his cheek. “Souji –”
“I can’t believe,” he choked, “you would do that to me.”
Minato paused halfway to reaching out to pull his hand away from his face, a
smile slowly unfurling on his face and relief sinking in. He had to resist
punching Souji in the arm and further wounding this critically injured boy.
“I’m nothing but kind to you and this is how I’m repaid.”
“I’m sorry,” Minato said in the most heartfelt voice he could muster.
Souji sniffed and raised his head, placing his hand over his heart. The look on
his face was pure anguish, all his time in drama club apparently paying off. “I
don’t know if I believe you.”
“Oh. Well, nothing I can do about that,” Minato said flatly, flopping back down
on the bed. Curled up with his back turned to Souji, he closed his eyes and
listened for any movement. For a long while there was none. Then Souji sighed.
When Minato still didn’t move he tried it again, this time more dramatically.
But still, nothing.
Yet another sigh and a weight on Minato’s side told him Souji had given up all
will to live and collapsed. He turned his head and found Souji resting his chin
on his shoulder, staring right at him.
“You’re no fun,” he was informed.
“I’m not roleplaying with you.”
“I wasn’t asking –” Souji sighed. “At least kiss me better.”
Without a moment’s hesitation Minato rolled onto his back and held his arms
open, which Souji happily fell into, and kissed his cheek.
“There. Cured. Magic.”
“Wow,” Souji said, imitating his dull voice and apathetic face, “incredible.”
“I aim to please.”
Souji snorted and rested his head on Minato’s shoulder. When he turned to look
at him, they were forehead to forehead, nose to nose. Souji’s weight was making
it a little hard to breathe but the last thing he wanted was for him to move.
It was worth a little suffocation.
“Hey,” Minato said softly, “I actually am sorry.”
“It’s fine,” Souji smiled. “It’s what I get for tickling you.”
“Yeah, true.”
Souji’s fingers were back to tracing designs, this time against his arm, longer
and drawn out and working their way up to his shoulder, then along his
collarbone. Unable to hold eye contact, Minato looked down but all that was
there was Souji’s lips and that did not help at all.
“You’re no fun either,” he said. “I just gave you the perfect opportunity to
tell me to make it up to you.”
The corners of Souji’s mouth twitched. “Oh? How would you do that?”
“I…” Minato blushed and turned his head, words dying in his throat and thoughts
fizzling into nothing. The embarrassment was too strong, he couldn’t do it. “I
dunno.”
Souji laughed and the mattress shifted as he propped himself up on his elbows,
leaning over him. “You’re cute.”
“Great. That’s what I’m going for.”
Souji smiled softly, leaning down and nuzzling his nose against his. Their lips
barely met, less a kiss and more just grazing touches. “Really cute,” he
breathed, lips moving against Minato’s.
Minato stared up at him, heart jumping a little when he felt Souji’s tongue
lick his lips.
There was a difference in their levels of experience so he always tried not to
push. Plus if Souji came to him, then it meant he wanted it as much as Minato
did, and that meant everything.
Then Souji did it again, dragging his tongue along his lip. Minato parted them
and met it with his own, just a gentle little lick that had Souji smiling like
it was something funny. Tentatively, Minato raised a hand and placed it on
Souji’s hip, hooking his finger in his belt loop and rubbing his thumb against
the skin that showed where his shirt was a little lifted.
That close, his whole world was Souji. The weight pressing down on him, the
smell of body spray or cologne or whatever it was, the warm breath against his
lips that tanged with the aftertaste of that mint gum Souji always chewed, and
the fingers combing Minato’s hair away from his face.
Souji kept kissing him, these short little kisses that trapped his lip between
his. Ghosts of tongue and teeth biting the bottom, sucking the top, and always
letting go as soon as it tugged. Eyes only half closed, he smiled a little
guiltily when their gazes met. This was something entirely different from the
way Minato had ever been kissed before; languid and slow but intense enough
that his heart was racing, little skittering beats that almost hurt. He was
trying not to push but every kiss was breaking him.
Out of desperation Minato’s hands found the small of Souji’s back and twisted
themselves in his shirt, pulling him closer. Taking advantage of the way Souji
opened his mouth in a surprised breath, Minato squeezed his eyes shut and
pushed forward, pressing their lips together and maybe ruining whatever nice
thing they had going, but then Souji’s tongue slid against his and he was
beyond caring.
Up until that point Minato had been acting on mindless instinct, but minds tend
to wander while making out and it took him a moment to realize, but that was
exactly what they were doing. This was their first time. He peeked open an eye
and he could see that freckle on his Souji’s eyelid, the one you could only see
when his eyes were closed.
Minato closed his eyes again, letting out a small moan when Souji’s tongue
curved around his. The fingers in his hair tightened at the noise, pulling
gently.
Just as he started getting lightheaded, Souji pulled away and rested his
forehead against his, panting heavily and stroking his cheek.
“Your hands are shaking,” Minato whispered. Souji let out a breath of laughter.
“Yours too.”
While he caught his breath, Minato picked up the slack, kissing to where he
could feel Souji’s pulse hammering just below his jaw. After screwing up so
many times, trying to move too fast, he was trying to toe the line and not get
carried away, but it was so hard – especially when Souji arched his neck and
swore under his breath. Minato moved up to his ear, nipping at his lobe and,
shit, he knew the breathy moan that Souji made in response was going to stay
with him forever.
But then Souji hunched his shoulders, flinching away. “Wait. Wait, wait, wait.”
Minato pulled back but before he could get a look at his face, Souji collapsed
and buried it in the crook of his neck with a sigh.
“What? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just… yeah. Give me a second.”
Minato looked over Souji’s shoulder at the length of his back, at the hands
still clutching his shirt. He let go and rubbed them restlessly against the
small of his back, moving his leg so it wouldn’t fall asleep – Souji gasped and
pulled his hair again, harder this time.
“Ow! Jesus –!”
“Don’t – don’t move. Please.”
After a heartbeat of silent realization, Minato laughed. He couldn’t help it.
“Ohh… uh, do you want me to…?”
Souji lifted his head and Minato’s heart skipped a beat. His cheeks were
flushed, eyes hazy and heavy-lidded. There were traces of spit making his pink
lips shine.
“I will,” Minato offered quietly, “if you want.”
So much for toeing the line, but he couldn’t help himself anymore. This was
Souji wanting him.
Souji stared, looking like he was considering it, before shaking his head. His
blush deepened and he rested his head on Minato’s shoulder. “No, uh… no. I’m
not, uh, ready for – it’s okay, it’ll go away. Or… or I’ll go to the bathroom
if it doesn’t.”
“Up to you.” Minato’s voice came out huskier than he’d intended, thinking about
Souji touching himself only feet from him. It seemed that for a while yet, that
was all either of them were going to have; just thoughts and their own hands.
And it sucked, because they were right there, both hard and pressed against
each other. Just their boxers and jeans separated them and if Souji had said
yes, it would’ve taken so little effort to push them down, grind against one
another and Minato had to stop there because thinking about it really, really
wasn’t helping.
Something soft touched his cheek and brought him back to fully-clothed reality.
It took him a moment to recognize it as Souji’s eyelashes, fluttering every
time he blinked.
Minato moved his hands from Souji’s back, placing one between his
shoulderblades and the other on the back of his head. “Is this okay?”
Souji nodded.
“This is kinda funny.”
“Shut up,” Souji half-laughed. “You’re hard too, I can feel it.”
“Yeah…”
“Talk about something. Take our minds off it.”
“Why me?”
“Please.”
“Ugh.”
Minato looked up at the ceiling as he thought, eventually settling on the topic
of a band he liked and all the trouble they kept having with their record
label. It felt stupid but that was the point. Souji listened, laughing or
making noises of acknowledgment at all the right times, and eventually the
tension left his shoulders and their heartbeats slowed. The hand still tangled
in Minato’s hair relaxed, scratching absentmindedly at his scalp.
From there, they turned their heads and went right to watching what Souji had
left on TV. Back to doing nothing together with figure eights being traced
against Minato’s shoulder, but the reminder he was wanted so painfully wasn’t
something he was about to forget.
***** Chapter 2 *****
You get so used to being alone and eventually it’s home. To survive you have to
make that empty space your own. When someone tries to fill it, it only feels
like they’re encroaching on your territory and even though it’s a barren
wasteland, it never feels like there’s enough room.
The thing that made it hard for Souji was liking something he wasn’t used to.
Something that quite frankly scared the hell out of him. Something he was
wildly curious about.
Some days Minato and Souji couldn’t stop touching each other. Not necessarily
anything sexual; they’d just hold each other’s hand or stand so close their
arms pressed against one another’s. If Souji was honest, it was nice. For years
the only physical contact he had was bumping into strangers on the train, or
prodding fingers from his parents pointing out some flaw or parading him in
front of coworkers. More recently, acting in drama club. And then there was
Minato, and suddenly he started loving something he had learned to detest or at
best tolerate.
“That can’t be true,” Minato said. He was watching Souji slice pieces of beef,
standing so close Souji kept elbowing him. “You told me you made out with
someone before. Or did you used to just go around making out with random
people?”
“That was a onetime thing,” Souji sighed.
Some girl in the last school he’d attended had thrown a big party for her
birthday and Souji got invited. Her friend from another school tried talking to
him and with both of them drunk for the first time, it somehow ended with her
tongue in his mouth. Minato knew this, they’d talked about it before and he
always got weirdly jealous when it came up, trying to brush it off with
teasing, turning it around onto Souji.
“It didn’t change anything,” Souji said. “I wasn’t magically cured of all
anxiety. If anything, it…”
Minato crossed his arms and cocked his hip against the counter. “Was it that
bad? I’m better, right? It’s okay, you can admit it.”
“Will you just -? Go away, I’m trying to cook,” Souji snapped, more tense and
irritable than Minato’s teasing warranted. “And you’re in my way.”
“Want me to help?”
“No, I’ve got this, go sit down.”
As much as he liked it, touching wasn’t always something he could handle. That
was what made it hard. There were times his shoulders hunched involuntarily and
he stepped away. Times like that when even standing too close was too much.
Minato would pull back and apologize like it was his fault. No worries, he
said, no rush. He reassured him that he understood, which Souji always found a
little funny because even he didn’t understand it.
“It’s – I don’t know. It’s a lot of things at once. Does that make sense?”
Minato didn’t laugh at him, just nodded and made a vague noise of
acknowledgement.
“But I do really like it,” Souji said, watching his hand rove down to the hem
of Minato’s shirt and up underneath. “Sometimes I think I like it too much.”
They were lying together on Souji’s bed and doing nothing in particular, as was
their usual. Trapped underneath Minato, his arm was falling asleep but he
refused to move it. Instead he rested his other hand on the dip of his waist
and squeezed.
“What do you mean, you like it too much?” Minato’s hand, rested in a loose fist
on the pillow, extended a finger until it found Souji’s jaw. Stroking it
absentmindedly, he smirked. “You admitting to being a pervert?”
“Maybe,” Souji smiled. “It’s just that I’m not used to being open about stuff
like that –”
“Or anything.”
“Or anything. There are people that – you know those girls that sit in the next
row over in class? Did you hear them talking about their exes yesterday?”
Minato nodded. “That kind of thing, laughing about it and comparing
experiences, talking so openly about sex is completely foreign to me. It’s
always been this thing that I just… squash down and try not to pay attention
to. Like it’s something dirty I should be ashamed of. I still keep thinking
that.”
“So, a repressed pervert.”
“Apparently.”
Minato smiled and hooked his calve over Souji’s leg, pulling it between his,
and Souji watched his hand work its way around to his back, coming to rest
between his shoulderblades. His skin was warm and Souji wanted to believe it
was because of him, but in all likelihood it was just the late summer heat
getting to him. Even with the air conditioning, the apartment was pretty warm
and lying together didn’t help.
“But it is nice,” Souji said, “being able to touch someone like this. I like it
a lot. It’s even better that it’s you.”
After years of boundaries he was finally allowing himself to feel in every
sense of the word – touch was more than just an invasion of personal space and
his feelings toward Minato were both felt and returned – and as overwhelming as
it could be, he would happily drown in the sensation.
Minato brushed his bangs out of his eyes to look at him with his lips parted,
and Souji couldn’t figure out what that look was supposed to be. A little
puzzled? Maybe it was weird to say such things. But then it changed to this odd
little crooked smile and he lowered his eyes.
“You’re so funny,” he said softly.
“How so?”
“I dunno, just…” Minato shook his head. “You see things differently than I do,
that’s all. It’s funny.”
“But you like it too, don’t you? Otherwise…”
“Well, yeah.” Minato shifted restlessly, looking the length of Souji’s body up
and down like he wasn’t really seeing it. “But touch is touch. I know you, so I
know you’re making it into this big romantic thing in your head.”
Souji leaned closer, tracing hearts between his shoulderblades. “You don’t care
that it’s me?”
“That makes me sound…” Minato sighed and looked away. “Look, my only experience
with – anything – was just with the first guy to ask. I didn’t even like
him. Where does that fit into your little picture-perfect ideal? You can be so
naïve.”
Souji leaned back.
“I’m not naïve,” he snapped a little too defensively, but Minato’s
condescending tone really got to him.
“You can be. It’s not all flowers on silk sheets –”
“I never said it was –”
“– and trusting someone enough to let them get close. It’s not that big of a
deal, it’s just about getting off.” Minato smirked and gave his legs a squeeze.
“Or are you telling me all those boners you keep getting from making out are
from purely romantic feelings?”
Souji tried his best to look annoyed but he knew his blush was giving him away.
“You’re putting words in my mouth; I never said it couldn’t be like that. I
don’t know why you think I’m naïve.”
Minato stared at him, no smirk on his face. He sighed.
“I don’t, not really,” he mumbled. “I’m just being… I’m sorry.”
They stayed in silence for a long time before Souji went back to tracing hearts
and stared up at the wall. It was late but it wasn’t that dark; the glow from
the city stretching all around the apartment building was sending a thick
stream of light across his ceiling and wall. Six storeys up, it didn’t change
much with whatever was going on ground level. No tree branches waving in the
light and no flares from car headlights.
“It can be both, can’t it? It can be whatever you make it.”
“Mm, maybe,” Minato mumbled.
“It could be with anyone but I like that it’s with you,” Souji said, staring up
at the light. His heart twinged a little nervously as his own words sunk in. “I
mean, not that we’ve… but if we did – when we – or if… it’ll be that much
better because it’s us. That’s all I mean.”
“Yeah?”
Souji looked round to find he was being watched. The twinge grew into a
familiar, excited pain.
“What you said earlier,” Minato said quietly, “about liking it too much. You…
you think about it, don’t you? You and me.”
A pause – then Souji nodded and the corners of Minato’s mouth twitched. He
leaned forward and waited for Souji to close the distance – which he did.
Minato ended the kiss surprisingly fast, looking at Souji with a slight frown.
“What d’you…?” But his voice faltered and he averted his gaze.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he mumbled, looking suddenly embarrassed.
It might’ve just been a tactic to distract him from questioning further, but
Minato moved all his attention to sucking Souji’s neck and, paired with the way
Souji could feel his bare back underneath his hand, it pretty much worked. By
that point Minato was aware of several of his weak spots.
A hand against his shoulder rolled him onto his back and Minato half climbed on
top of him, not once letting up. If things kept going this way Souji was going
to have a neck full of marks he wouldn’t be able to hide. A neck full of
bruises and everyone would know. It wasn’t a bad thought.
“I think… I think about it a lot,” Souji said as Minato licked and blew air
against his neck. The air against his wet skin sent a shiver up his spine. “Mn,
about you, I –”
Souji’s heart jumped a little when Minato’s hand rested on his crotch. When he
started kneading, palming his dick, he grabbed his wrist.
“Sorry,” Minato whispered. He made to move his hand, but Souji wouldn’t let
him. They looked at each other for what felt like forever. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you sure?”
Souji nodded. “I want it.”
Minato let out a sharp breath and kissed him.
It took a bit of awkward maneuvering that resulted in Minato getting kneed in
the ribs, but they managed to undo Souji’s pants and push them down. Being so
exposed was embarrassing but he didn’t have much time to think about it before
a hand was on him. He draped an arm around Minato’s shoulders to pull him
closer until he was laid out half on top of him.
“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Minato whispered into his ear and Souji could
only nod as the hand stroked him.
It felt good – no better or worse than when he did it himself, but the fact it
was Minato’s hand, Minato’s breath on his neck, Minato’s weight on him, and
Minato – Minato was rubbing himself against Souji’s thigh. Souji blinked.
“Spread your legs like – like that, yeah,” he breathed and Souji watched,
almost completely forgetting about the hand on his dick – until Minato took it
away and brought it up to his mouth.
“What’re you -?”
He dribbled a glob of spit into it.
“Ew, don’t –”
But the hand was already on him again, now warm and wet and Souji couldn’t help
but sigh, even as he gave Minato a disgusted look which he just shrugged at.
“Feels better, right?”
“You could’ve – lotion or something.”
“Oh. Yeah, probably.”
Souji let out a noise that might’ve been a laugh or a gasp, he didn’t know – he
just knew that there was a rhythm Minato was falling into, a way to roll his
wrist and squeeze just that much more at the tip, one that was so natural that
Souji wondered if this was the method he used on himself. The thought of him
touching himself alone in his room, hopefully thinking of Souji, hard because
of him both then and now – Souji stifled a soft moan against Minato’s shoulder,
tightening the fingers in his hair. Minato exhaled deeply, the warm air ticking
his neck.
“Feel good?”
Souji nodded, not caring enough to speak.
“Mm? Good,” Minato whispered. “Good.”
Somewhere underneath everything Souji felt almost selfish asking him to do such
a thing, ashamed it was only then kicking in, but the need he felt was
overwhelming and driving everything else from mind and maybe it was a shitty
excuse, but he’d think about it later because right now Minato was kissing him
and God, Souji really liked kissing him. He really liked the way his hair felt
between his fingers, and the way Minato kept rolling his hips against his
thigh, and the way he smelled and tasted and felt and Souji just really, really
liked him.
Minato turned his head and yawned.
“Wh-”
“Sorry.”
Souji tried laughing but it came out too breathless. “You wanna take a break?
Take a nap?”
“I’m fine, sorry,” Minato said. He broke his rhythm and began teasing the head,
smearing precome against the underside and something wet and warm – his tongue
ran along the ridge of Souji’s ear to suck his lobe. Souji sucked air through
his teeth and clutched onto him. “See? Fine.”
“You’re so…”
Minato chuckled, kissing his way down Souji’s neck. As gentle as he was being,
it still hurt. An odd, sour twinge on the surface that spelled bruises; he
really was going to have marks all over. And he really did like that too.
Souji’s hips jumped and he swore under his breath.
“Are you close?”
Souji nodded and Minato rested his cheek against his, his breath hitching and
giving him away.
“Fuck, me too.”
Even under the circumstances Souji couldn’t help but be surprised. Rubbing
against someone’s leg couldn’t have felt that great and he’d certainly done
nothing to help but Minato was hard. Hard because of Souji, because as patient
as he tried to be, he’d been wanting this for a long time, wanting Souji so
badly that just grinding against his leg was enough.
Souji’s heartbeat, his breathing, Minato’s pace, it was all speeding up and he
could feel that familiar build up all the way down to his curled toes. They
kissed a little sloppily, barely catching the corner, and Souji came pulling
his hair and panting into his mouth.
His whole body went limp but Minato kept touching, kept riding his leg, until
he came with breathy, needy little noises Souji never thought he’d hear from
him. He collapsed against Souji’s side, carefully avoiding the mess on his
stomach which he was only just coming to his senses and noticing. Minato held
up his dirty hand and Souji reached for the box of tissues he kept on his
bedside table.
“How was that?”
Souji laughed at his smug tone as he cleaned off his stomach. Only after he
pulled his pants up did he sigh. “Amazing.”
“Great. But, uh…” Minato gestured down to his crotch with a hand still covered
in come. “Wanna do me a favor and get me a change of pants?”
“You really -? Just from that?”
“Shut up. Like it took much to get you off.”
Though all he wanted to do was curl up and sleep, Souji slid off the bed and
sorted through his drawer for something, pausing to look over his shoulder and
ask, “Why don’t you just spend the night? I’ll wash your clothes for you. It’s
late anyway. Your aunt won’t care, right?”
“You just want me to jerk you off some more.”
“You caught me.”
Minato snorted and Souji threw his smallest pair of pajama pants at his face.
After a pause, watching the way Minato cleaned himself up and changed without
shame, Souji kicked off his pants but kept his shirt and boxers on. At that
point modesty seemed a little pointless but he still couldn’t help feeling a
little self-conscious, even as he climbed in next to Minato and pulled him to
his chest.
“We should probably shower.”
Minato grunted and didn’t move. Souji didn’t either.
After everything, the apartment seemed oddly quiet. Maybe it was just the
afterglow but Souji thought it felt a little more warm and cozy than usual.
More like a home.
“Was that both?”
 Souji looked at him but the way his hair fell over his eyes, the only part of
Minato’s face that was visible was his mouth as he chewed his bottom lip.
“You said it’s whatever you make it,” Minato said, leaning into the touch as
Souji brushed his hair out of his face. “Was that both? Or was it just about
getting off or…?”
“Both,” Souji murmured. “For me, at least. Was it for you?”
“I don’t know. I’m still getting used to the idea. I think so.”
“Hmm…” Souji touched the back of his hand to Minato’s cheek. “Well, no rush.
We’ll figure it out together.”
***** Chapter 3 *****
Where they were was curled up in Souji’s bed, stripped down to their boxers,
their skin sticking to each other’s in that way that skin only does when you’re
too close, too warm, but too content to move any farther away. What they were
doing was kissing slowly, indulgently, knowing they had all the time in the
world. Souji’s parents were at some conference for the weekend and Minato’s
aunt didn’t entirely care where he was, just as long as he was out of the house
because that was a good sign, right?
A little lightheaded from oxygen deprivation, Minato pulled away, tugging his
bottom lip from between Souji’s teeth. He sank into the pillows but for every
inch he moved away, Souji moved forward, rolling him onto his back and burying
his face in the crook of his neck. Minato bit his lip, trying not to get too
into it, but he still had to dig his heels into the mattress.
All things considered he was doing well, until Souji slid a hand over the thin
material of his boxers.
“You’re hard.”
Minato scoffed, trying to hide the way his hand twitched by tugging a piece of
his hair. “I noticed, thanks.”
Souji hummed and slipped a hand underneath his waistband. Minato sighed and
gave in, letting the rest of their stupid banter melt away.
Stumbling between the way Souji was slowly becoming used to – or obsessed with
– touch, and the way Minato, for all his talk about sex meaning nothing, was
actually scared to move too fast and ruin everything, it had all somehow ended
up more comfortable than Minato had ever thought possible.
Whatever his interactions with people had been in the past, he never would have
believed he’d end up so close to someone that they spent most of their time
lying around half-naked, just touching. Touching as intimate, touching as
sexual – either way, it was laidback with an underlying tension that Minato
thought might one day cause him to lose his mind.
“Minato.”
“Mm.”
“I wanna go down on you.”
When Minato didn’t react right away, Souji pulled back, hovering over him with
his weight on his arms. Minato’s lips parted and his mind was momentarily blank
as he grasped the meaning of the words. Trying to speak around the mental image
of Souji’s head between his legs, he asked, “Really?”
“Yeah. Do you not want me to?”
Minato turned his head and looking at the wall for a moment, then back to
Souji’s grey eyes. “Why?”
“Why wouldn’t I?” When Minato continued to look doubtful, Souji lowered himself
down onto his elbows, lying on top of him and resting his chin on his hand.
“It’s no different than everything else we’ve done. I wanna make you feel good.
I think it would make me feel good, too.”
Minato exhaled shakily and reached up to toy with Souji’s hair, twirling a
strand of it between his fingers. Even after all this time, it was hard looking
into his eyes while having this kind of conversation. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t
seem to bother Souji too much. He’d gotten over whatever initial hesitation he
felt with inhuman ease.
“We’re going to get there eventually,” he said. “Why not now? I really want…”
Minato’s hand trailed down the side of his face. He brushed his knuckles
against Souji’s mouth, watching the way his lip caught and pulled to the side,
exposing teeth – until he opened his jaw and stuck his tongue out, just the tip
touching Minato’s fingers. The same tongue, the same feeling that he’d felt on
his neck, in his mouth, against his own, but seeing it against his fingers…
Minato eased his index in. Souji made no protest, even opening his mouth a
little wider to accept it – and the second finger when Minato decided to push
his luck.
It did more to him than he expected. Heart stuttering and cock twitching,
Minato bit his lip and bent his legs to squeeze Souji’s hips. He wanted to
move, to – anything really, he didn’t know what, he’d start humping Souji’s leg
like a dog again if he had to – but with Souji on top of him, he couldn’t move
an inch. He tried fitting his other hand between them, but he couldn’t get it
wedged in. The way Souji smiled and began sucking his fingers, he knew what
Minato was trying to do. He didn’t stop him but he didn’t help either, and
eventually Minato gave up, stuck with helplessly watching.
Souji was into it – face flushed, breathing heavy kind of into it. Part of
Minato wanted to tell him to calm down, they were just fingers, but most of him
was hard as hell and couldn’t look away. Even if it was fake and Souji was just
playing it up for him, he didn’t care.
“You really want to,” Minato breathed sounding a little amazed, and Souji’s
response was to grab his hand and whorl his tongue around, holding his gaze and
sucking harder than ever.
He pushed them all the way in before slowly pulled them out with a pop. “Have
you thought about going down on me?”
Minato averted his eyes and had to wonder which of them was the virgin. Only
one was blushing so hard it felt like his cheeks were on fire, barely able to
speak with his voice shaking. But everything he’d done in the past was just
stupid messing around, nowhere near this, and he’d been such an idiot to act
like he was some kind of expert because of it.
“Yeah. A… a lot.”
Souji smiled and shifted his weight to one side, unsticking their sweaty chests
and letting his wet hand wander down – very deliberately brushing his nipple
and causing him to squirm – down his side, across his hip bone, and slipping
under his boxers again.
“Why?”
“Because…” Minato swallowed as Souji lazily teased his head, brushed his thumb
against his slit, did everything but try to get him off.
“You wanna do it because you care about me, right?” Souji spoke so close to
Minato’s ear he could feel the words just as much as hear them. He nodded,
already having to fight to stop himself from riding Souji’s hand. “It’s the
same for me. Making you feel good makes me feel good.”
“It’s both,” Minato whispered dazedly.
“Exactly. Can I?”
Minato nodded.
Souji pushed himself down until he was kneeling between Minato’s legs with a
surprising eagerness, tugging his boxers down and tossing them somewhere over
his shoulder. It was all Minato could do to prop himself up on his elbows and
watch as Souji leaned over him – and then paused, looking up at him through his
bangs.
“But I might not be that good,” he added, finally a little uncertain.
Minato shook his head. “You’ll be fine.”
It felt incredibly stupid to say, like it was weird to give encouragement for
something like this, but Souji smiled at him and it didn’t matter. What
mattered was Souji leaning down and giving him a short, experimental lick.
Minato kept watching him. One hand clawing at the bed and the other over his
mouth to smother any noise, he couldn’t not watch. That composed, serious face
turned into something more hazy and shameless the more he moved, pulling up to
lick anywhere he couldn’t reach or press little kisses to his head. When a moan
did slip out – there was this swirling thing he kept doing with his tongue –
Souji made this breathy, needy noise like he was the one getting head.
Souji’s hands kept roaming. Touching, squeezing. The insides of his thighs, his
hips, his waist, stroking what his mouth couldn’t reach. He was taking his
time, licking, kissing, sucking, apparently just as interested in discovering
what things he could do as he was in making Minato feel good.  
A curse accidentally slipped out and Minato pressed his hand against his mouth
even harder, feeling the way Souji tensed in response. He moaned and slid his
lips farther down than they had yet gone. Up until that point he’d just been
teasing the head but now he was bracing himself up on one arm and leaning
forward like he was going to swallow him whole. Minato felt himself hit the
back of his throat and a shudder ran through Souji’s body. Not a good one.
Instead of pulling back to somewhere he could handle, Souji kept pushing him
deeper, shoulders tensing.
“Hey,” Minato breathed, squeezing the back of his neck. “Hey, stop, look at
me.”
Souji obeyed, face flushed, lips red and shiny, hair mussed and sticking to his
sweaty forehead. “Why? Is it bad?”
“No. No, not at all, it’s just… do this.” Minato held up his left hand, curled
into a fist around his thumb.
Souji looked vaguely disgusted. “And do what with it?”
Minato couldn’t help his laugh. “It’s – ah – it’s a gag reflex thing. Trust me.
Squeeze your left thumb, it helps.”
“Oh,” Souji smiled, “so selfless.”
“You know me.”
Souji shook his head and leaned down, apparently eager to continue. This time
with his left hand curled into a fist as it braced him up, Souji lowered his
mouth around him. Inch by inch, Minato could feel his tongue, then the back of
his throat – hissing when he felt teeth, and Souji mumbled an apology around
his dick – and still he kept going. With every bob of his head he took more and
more in until Minato was moaning, biting the back of his hand to stifle the
noise. Souji practically purred in response, tingling against him.
Then he pulled up again and Minato had to fight the urge to push his head back
down. Souji watched his hand idly toying with him for a moment before looking
up. “You don’t have to be quiet. I want – I wanna hear you.”
Minato nodded jerkily and despite not really wanting to, removed the hand
covering his mouth. He rested it atop Souji’s head, brushing his bangs back. He
really was cute with his bangs off his face and it was stupid of him not to
like his eyebrows, they were cute too, but thinking things like that was dumb
and not really like him. Especially not while the cute boy had a trail of spit
connecting his mouth to his cock.
“You’re – you’re doing really good. Amazing, I’m… just, really good.”
There were probably hotter ways to word it but he couldn’t think and judging by
the way Souji lit up, the point got across well enough. Looking pleased with
himself, he lowered his head again and Minato collapsed back against the
pillows.
He closed his eyes, petting Souji’s hair and rubbing the back of his neck, and
he couldn’t help but think about what Souji meant about it mattering. If it was
someone else he was with – just the thought made him itch under the skin. He
couldn’t tell when it had started changing, all he knew now was that, for him,
it did matter.
“Souji –”
Whatever he was going to say was pushed from his mind as soon as Souji swirled
his tongue around the tip, made a fist, and pushed lower. A jolt ran through
his body and then Souji was quickening his pace and Minato was breathing his
name again, it was all he could think of, so full of transparent need and
desperation he instantly regretted it – until Souji made these little whines
against him in response and it was fine, it was worth it. He’d spill his whole
heart if it meant Souji would keep doing that.
“Souji,” Minato sighed, tugging his hair, “Souji, fuck, Souji, pull up, I’m
gonna –”
But Souji took him in deeper. The noise in the back of his throat vibrated
though him, pushed him over the edge, and Minato came with a moan he was almost
too far gone to recognize was his.
Mind hazy, he closed his eyes and sank back into the sheets. He could feel
Souji licking him clean, hear the rustle of fabric, and the mattress shifted
with a weight on either side of him, which meant Souji was leaning above him
again. Everything felt a million miles away. Fingers touched his cheek, oddly
gentle after the vulgarity of everything, and Minato blinked dazedly up at him.
He placed his hand over Souji’s and turned his head to press a kiss to his
palm.
Then something came to mind. He looked from Souji’s hand, pruned fingers and
smelling like spit and skin, to his mouth, too pink and a little puffy.
“Did you…? You swallowed?”
Regret flared instantly. The first thing out of his mouth should’ve been
romantic or something, especially since Souji would’ve liked that. What they
just did was a step forward for their relationship and here Minato was asking
what the hell Souji did with his come.
Souji looked embarrassed. “I was curious.”
Minato blanked. Then forced an uneasy laugh, his voice wavering. “You’re
dirty.”
“And you’re noisy,” Souji teased.
“Shut up –”
“I like it, it’s cute.”
“It’s not cute… You say everything is –”
Souji just smiled and kissed him. Minato’s own taste was on his tongue and he
didn’t know if that was weird or not and he didn’t care. The only thought in
his mind was to bring them closer, as close as possible, wrapping an arm around
his shoulders and pulling him down until he stretched his legs out and lay
completely on top of him. Skin on skin, sticking together now more than ever.
“Here,” he breathed, reaching down. He tugged at Souji’s underwear, trying to
push them down but he couldn’t reach. “Help me take these off.”
More than anything Minato kind of just wanted to let the post-orgasm bliss
overtake him and fall asleep, but he liked to think he wasn’t that big of a
jerk. He bent his leg and hooked his toe on the waistband and tugged them down
as Souji lifted his hips. Before they were even past his knees Minato reached
down and started jerking him off, a little too desperate to have much
technique, but Souji was already panting against his neck and thrusting into
his hand.
“You don’t have to –”
“I want to,” Minato said, surprised by how much he meant it. “I really – here,
switch with me.”
He pushed at Souji’s shoulders until he obeyed. They rolled over, wiggling
toward the centre of the bed so they didn’t fall off. Before either could say
anything else Souji’s legs were over his shoulders, hands in his hair, holding
it back so Souji could watch.
It was quick and frantic and maybe it wasn’t at all what Souji deserved after
what he’d given – Minato wanted them to stay on even ground, always fair,
always about both – but it was desperate and full of want and things Minato
wasn’t ready to put into words. If it wasn’t enough, he looked forward to
making it up to him in bits and pieces from now until forever. They had all the
time in the world.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Neither Souji nor Minato knew where the future was going to take them. They
talked about it late at night when the darkness pulled out their deepest
secrets and fears, and they talked about it in the middle of the day when the
sunlight shone and they could see each other clearly. And in the end got
nowhere at all.
“My dad was saying they want me to drop out of my clubs,” Souji said, reaching
for the jar of coconut oil he kept on his bedside table. As he sat up against
the pillows of his bed, Minato lay between his legs, head on his stomach and
arms wrapped around his waist. Eyes glued on the TV, uncomfortable pants cast
off somewhere on the floor. “We’re third years now, he said. We’re supposed to
be focusing on what comes next.”
“Sounds like the kind of shit they’d say,” Minato said with surprising venom.
“They’re right, though,” Souji said listlessly, melting the oil between his
hands. “I need to – if I don’t do well, then I won’t get accepted to a good
school. And then what? The rest of my life will be ruined all because – it’s –
it’s like everything hinges on this, so I can’t –”
Souji sighed and rubbed the oil over his hands, far rougher than he needed to
be. Despite the anxiety that wanted him to get every word out, explain
properly, he didn’t bother continuing; he had felt Minato go limp like a
ragdoll, growing heavier through pure deadweight. Any time the subject of
school came up, the interest just leaked out of him and he made a physical show
of just how little he cared.
Part of the reason their discussions about the future never got anywhere was
the different angles they were coming from. Souji’s was one of immense pressure
and anxieties, while Minato physically could not bring himself to care.
It created a tension between them, never manifesting as more than passive
aggressiveness but irritating all the same. Souji knew he could get weird and
kind of overbearing when the subject came up, but it was only because he wanted
to know for sure that their paths were going to stay intertwined. After finally
lowering his defenses and letting someone in, he needed to know that Minato was
going to stay. Souji needed to know he was worth the effort of trying to make
things work.
Minato let out a sigh and grabbed the bottom of Souji’s shirt – “What’re you -
?” – lifting it up and sticking his head underneath it. Before Souji could
react, Minato pressed his mouth against his skin and blew raspberries against
his stomach.
“Don’t -!”
Souji jerked to the side, accidentally kneeing Minato in the ribs, but he still
wouldn’t stop. Minato grabbed his wrists when he tried to pull the shirt off
his head and blew harder in response, the idiotic noise wavering when Souji
began to rock side to side in desperation, breathlessly giddy. The assault only
faltered when Minato started laughing too hard to keep it up.
He pulled the shirt off his head and emerged from underneath, red-faced and
messy-haired, but a smile on his face.
Winded and still laughing a little, all Souji could get out was a breathless,
“Why?”
Minato crawled forward and sat on Souji’s hips, leaning back when Souji bent
his legs automatically like a kind of chair. “I’m going to start doing that
every time you bring up university.”
Souji sighed in exasperation and tilted his head. “Minato…”
“Look, just…” Minato shook his head and glanced off to the side for a moment,
thinking. “Whatever happens, you… you’re the kind of person that does great no
matter what. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters.”
“My parents –”
“– aren’t worth shit. Relax.”
Souji didn’t laugh or get annoyed at the insult on their behalf. How Minato
felt about them wasn’t exactly a secret; he was used to it. Hands on Minato’s
thighs, skin warm to the touch, Souji squeezed gently. “What about us?”
Without giving it a second thought, Minato said, “Wherever you go, I’ll
follow.”
“You can’t live like that. You need a life of your own, your own plan.”
“No I don’t,” Minato said softly, the corner of his mouth pulling back in a
bitter smirk. “I’m fine as long as I’m with you. There’s nothing else I want.”
“Minato –”
“Souji, relax. For two seconds, just relax.” Minato’s fingers slipped under the
hem of his shirt, touching where his mouth has been just moments before, but
the touch was worlds different. “Not everything has to be mapped out. I can’t –
I can’t deal with that, I can’t live up to it.”
Minato watched his hand’s progress, pulling the bottom of his shirt up as it
roved up his abdomen. There was something miserable in his face, just like how
there was always something miserable in his face when the subject of the future
came up. Something hollow in his eyes and tight in his jaw, vacant and empty
everywhere else. His nostrils flared just briefly and his seat on Souji’s hips
was rigid.
“Okay,” Souji said simply. He put his hand on Minato’s, now over his heart and
lungs. “It’s okay.”
“I don’t – I don’t want anything, I don’t know what I’m supposed to –”
“I know. It’s okay.”
Minato sighed and turned his head for a moment. Underneath Souji’s hand, his
thumb began idly rubbing side-to-side. “Ideally,” he said, turning slowly back
to Souji, “what do you see happening for us? I’m curious. What can you see me
growing up to do?”
“Anything you put your mind to.”
“Don’t give me that.”
Souji laughed a little. “The easiest answer would be a photographer. You’re
good at it, you enjoy doing it. Why not get paid for it?”
“What if turning something I like into work makes me hate it? Then what? I
already lost interest in volleyball. What if this,” he tapped his
temple, “takes photography from me too? It’s already hard enough to care. That
much more pressure might…”
Souji sighed. These weren’t questions he had the answer to.
“I don’t know,” he said softly. “Find something else you like? I’ve seen some
of the things you’ve drawn. With proper lessons, you could be an artist. You
read manga. Become a mangaka.”
Minato hummed thoughtfully and extracted his hand from Souji’s shirt, leaning
forward until their chests were pressed together. He wrapped his arms around
Souji’s waist, resting his head on his shoulder. Souji let his hands trail up
and down Minato’s sides.
“You do whatever you wanna do and I’ll – I don’t know,” Souji said quietly.
“But – but I’ll get into a good school, I’ll get a good job, and it’ll pay
well, so I can help. I can support you. We’ll get a nice apartment together,
and… I’ll cook you breakfast sometimes. You can cook me breakfast sometimes.
You can get a dog, I’ll get a cat. And… nothing will be mapped out. We’ll take
it one day at a time.”
“Ah. Life as a kept man,” Minato said listlessly.
“It’s not like that.”
“I know, I’m just teasing,” he smiled. “That sounds perfect.”
Souji rested his hand on the back of Minato’s head, letting his other arm fall
casually around his shoulders. The two of them held each other for a while and
eventually the tension started leaving Minato’s body. The hand on the back of
his head, Souji moved it to toy with his ear. Tracing a path along the edge of
the cartilage with a single finger, then again in reverse.
There was some kind of timeline couples were supposed to follow. Souji knew
that much, at least. Only after a certain amount of time was it acceptable to
go from holding hands, to kissing, to more. Even ‘more’ was divided
conveniently into four bases. Sometime before, after, or during that – he never
could figure it out – you were allowed to use the word ‘love.’
(At that point Souji had used it many times. Minato, less so. What he didn’t
say, he showed in other ways. It wouldn’t be so bad to hear it more often, but
Souji had never once doubted that Minato loved him.)
Only sometime after the word ‘love’ is it okay to start talking about future.
Somewhere around that and a homerun, that was where they were. Souji just
couldn’t figure out if they had reached it too fast or not. Their one year
anniversary was in a couple months, but he’d heard classmates whisper loudly
about doing it with people they barely knew. Things between Souji and Minato,
they felt different. The emotional weight made everything heavier. As two boys
who had spent so many years alone, there was a kind of desperation and fear
that never really left. It made them want to reach out and pull back. Something
they lost themselves in when the future became too much, or the present too
little.
Over and over, Souji traced a finger along Minato’s ear, watching whatever was
on TV without really seeing it. With a long, slow breath that tickled Souji’s
neck, Minato melded against him, rolling his hips. It took all Souji’s
willpower not to jerk at the sudden pressure it put on his crotch, biting his
lip and staying silent. There was a pause, then Minato did it again.
“Please stop,” Souji said, voice shaking.
“Youstop. You’re turning me on,” Minato sighed, sounding more irritated than
pleased.
“Oh… Just from touching your ear?”
“Yeah, it’s –” Another sigh, another undulation that ran from his shoulders to
hips, pressing them against Souji’s like he was desperate for that same
pressure. “It feels really good.”
Inspiration striking him, Souji brushed his hair back. Minato froze as soon as
he realized what he was about to do, and when Souji leaned in and traced the
path with his tongue, he made a small noise in the back of his throat. His
shoulders slowly rose and fell with deep breaths that shook like he was trying
to control them.
“What about that?”
Minato breathed, “Again.”
Souji would have thought having a tongue in your ear felt gross, but Minato was
tensing, swearing under his breath. Souji nipped at his lobe, rolling his
tongue over it and sucking, and Minato’s arms tightened around his waist,
pressing their bodies together and grinding his hips against Souji’s. Through
just the thin material of their underwear, Souji could feel how hard Minato was
getting. Minato swore again and, suddenly a little frantic, Souji grabbed his
dick before thinking twice. Minato sagged against him, pushing into it.
“Nn – hey, as long as we’re talking about the future… I’ve been thinking.”
“Mm?”
“I think that… I think we’re ready to go all the way.”
Souji frowned a little, pressing a kiss just under Minato’s ear and rubbing his
palm along Minato’s length. “Really?”
“I… I know you probably wanna do it on some milestone and make it special or
whatever. Your – your birthday is next month and our first anniversary is after
that. But I think… that… we don’t really know what’s gonna happen.”
Souji froze. Then pulled back. “What do you mean? Are you -? Did your aunt say
something? Are you moving?”
“What? No. No,” Minato breathed, putting Souji’s hand back on his crotch, “I’m
not moving. I’m just saying… I think it should be… relaxed and casual, like
everything we do. I don’t want more, I just want you. It’ll already be special
because it’s us.”
At the resounding silence that followed his words, the hand that stopped
kneading, Minato looked up. His eyes widened just slightly as soon as he
noticed Souji staring at him and he immediately looked back down. Chest warm as
pure affection overcame him, Souji pushed Minato’s hair out of his face and
brushed his knuckles against his cheek. Minato smiled faintly.
“Look what you’ve turned me into.”
“It looks good on you.”
Hands on Souji’s waist, Minato leaned in. Colour was rising in his cheeks but
he kissed confidently, even parting with a playful swipe of his tongue across
Souji’s lip.
“How about it?”
Souji tilted his head, staring at Minato’s mouth as he touched it idly, biting
his lip when Minato licked his finger.
“We don’t have a condom or anything.”
“It’s fine. Just this once, it’s fine. I don’t wanna wait.”
No doubt Minato knew, but he was right; Souji had been picturing it happening
on a special occasion. The thing was, right then, any special occasion seemed
almost dull. Right then, they were comfortable, close, and happy. Minato’s
weight was warm and familiar. He looked good. Really good. Highlighted by the
setting sun coming through the window, wearing nothing but his t-shirt, boxers,
and a trusting face as he looked Souji straight in the eye.
It made Souji think that, in some way, he was still getting what he always
wanted; spontaneity was more romantic than any kind of plan. Or maybe he was
just prone to thinking fondly of anything to do with Minato.
Souji nodded. His hand slid around to the back of Minato’s neck. “Yeah. Yeah,
come here.”
Minato smiled again and Souji pulled him forward, sitting up to meet him
halfway. The first kiss was tender, like an affirmation. The second brought
reality with it and Souji was overcome, barely recognizing that Minato was
sliding his hands up his side and bringing his shirt with them. They parted
only long enough to lift it over his head and toss it aside, then did the same
with Minato’s.
Souji was lost in a haze. Part of his brain shut down, letting instinct take
over. This was turning out easier than it should’ve, he thought. The anxiety
was still there, but dulled by the familiar scent of Minato’s skin and the
sound of his voice, laughing a little awkwardly as they struggled to get their
boxers off and he nearly toppled sideways off the bed.
Months of this and he still couldn’t get used to how familiar someone else’s
body could be, but as he kissed his way down Minato’s torso, he knew the
freckle just below his ribs and the ten-year-old scar on his hip. When he
coaxed Minato onto his knees and bent forward, he knew the sounds he was going
to make when he rubbed his tongue against certain spots and – yeah, he knew
Minato was going to press a hand to his mouth like that to stifle the noise.
Even after all this time.
They’d known all long there was only one path forward. It was a mountain path,
a steep decline that had them leaning back, trying to slow their decent.
Fighting gravity doesn’t get you anywhere. You get where you’re going
eventually.
Minato had himself practically draped over Souji’s shoulders, idly rubbing his
back and breathing hard. Arm around his hips, Souji could feel him shaking,
jolting when he pressed his tongue against his slit.
“Souji,” he whispered. Not said in passion, but to get his attention. Souji
pulled his mouth off him and looked up. Minato was flushed, hair a mess like
he’d been running his fingers through it. “We need to – to figure out how we’re
doing this.”
“How do you want it?”
Minato closed his eyes and let out a small breath. Right then, anything he
could’ve said, Souji would have agreed to.
“Let me –” Minato pushed at his shoulders and Souji moved back until he was
sitting against his pillows. Minato settled back into his lap. “What about
this?”
Souji looked down, as if he needed to be reminded about how Minato was
straddling him. “With – with you, uh, taking…?”
“Yeah.” Minato leaned over and grabbing the jar of coconut oil from the table.
Souji’s heart thumped, watching him unscrew the jar and scoop some out. When it
started to melt just by the warmth of his hand, it ran between his fingers and
down his arm. “Is that okay with you?”
Souji watched Minato’s hand stroke him, slicking him with oil. Still using that
same method he had their very first time; a roll of his wrist that squeezed and
twisted at the top, but now he’d picked up a way to rub his palm over the head
and if he kept doing it then Souji wasn’t going to last long enough for the
issue of who was taking to matter.
“Look,” Minato said a little hesitantly when Souji stayed silent for too long,
“I know I’m not, like… the experienced – whatever – I always used to claim to
be, but… but it’s your first time. Let me use what I do have and-”
“That’s not what I was – I’m just… picturing it.”
“Oh… Is that a yes?”
Souji laughed a little and nodded. Minato looked relieved and got more oil on
his fingers. Before Souji could ask what he was doing, he braced himself up on
his knees with a hand on Souji’s shoulder and reached around behind himself.
From that angle, the only evidence of what he was doing was the look on his
face – the way his lip were parting, his brow furrowing, and eyes drifting
closed - and subtle movement in his shoulder.
Souji sat there uselessly, stroking himself to stay hard. He kept thinking back
to all the things he read online (to be prepared, just in case) and what he
should or shouldn’t do for first times. Just lying there was probably on the
Don’t List. Helping the bottom relax and get ready was definitely on the Do
List, but Minato was pretty much handling everything on his own.
But Souji knew Minato and he knew Minato never asked for help.
“You –” A little distracted by a sharp intake of breath and Minato’s fingers
digging into his shoulder, Souji blanked and tried again, trailing his fingers
lightly up Minato’s arm. “You look really good. I like seeing you like this.”
Minato bit his lip and let his head hang, his hair falling over his face.
“Does it feel good?”
A little breathless, Minato nodded. Souji hummed, sliding his hand down
Minato’s stomach until he found his cock. Minato twitched. Trying to calm him
down, Souji kept touching him lightly and whispering in his ear, telling him
how good he looked, how much he wanted this, punctuating admissions of
fantasies with small kisses and licks to his ear. Eventually Minato’s breathing
grew deep and his face smoothed into a heavy-lidded daze.
The hand on Souji’s shoulder snaked around, hugging him closer until he could
feel breath on his neck. “Are you ready?”
Souji nodded. Like reality was hitting him all over again, his heart began
beating painfully, telling him this was it. It was really happening. With his
inexperience and shaking hands, he figured it was best to let Minato handle
this part. He rubbed his hips which almost didn’t help because it was like he
was helping Minato down onto his dick, which – goddamn, he could feel it press
against his –
Minato laughed softly and moved the arm around Souji’s shoulders, reaching
around and touching his cheek, stroking gently. Bumping their foreheads
together. “You look like you’re gonna pass out. Relax.”
Guided by Minato’s hand, he eased in by increments. Mouths and hands, both at
the same time, he had nothing to compare it to. His leg jumped, fingers digging
in to Minato’s hips. Minato stopped halfway, eyes closed and brow furrowed.
Just as Souji started mustering the ability to speak and ask if he was okay, he
lifted his hips and lowered them again, deeper this time. Again twice more
until he was settled on Souji’s lap and the two looked at each other.
“Are you okay?” It was probably such a stupid thing to say, and in own head
he’d pictured being – what, more suave? But he needed to know. “Does it hurt?
If it hurts –”
“It’s fine,” Minato breathed. “I’m fine.”
Souji moved his hands to the small of his back. His skin was hot, the muscles
underneath tense and strong, shifting as he shifted. He circled his hips
experimentally, no doubt getting used to the feeling of something inside him.
It took a couple moments, but eventually he started moving, rolling his spine.
He hugged Souji close, hiding his face in the junction of shoulder and neck,
and Souji suspected it was partly – if not mostly – out of embarrassment. But
it worked, it was hot, like he wanted to be as close to Souji as possible.
There was a bit of desperation in the way he was clinging, the little breaths
that blew across his skin and the tiny whimpers that came with them. The
sporadic kisses against his neck.
“Minato,” Souji breathed. “God, you - you feel so good. I want –” Words were
just falling out of his mouth, he didn’t know what he was saying or thinking.
He just knew the way the pace kept changing changed everything. Fast and
shallow, building up to deep and slow.
“Fucking – touch me or something,” Minato panted, the need in his voice
palpable. “Please, I’m –”
Fumbling because of the rhythm he was trying to match, Souji did what he was
told and Minato’s curse tickled his ear. Not really thinking, he moved his hips
to get more comfortable, get a better grip, and accidentally pushed deeper.
Minato’s moan practically melted out of him and Souji’s heart nearly stopped.
He did it again, pushing up when he came down. Again and again and edging
closer, until he realized his mistake.
Fast – too fast – Souji could feel the end coming. He shook his head – “Stop,
stop, stop – wait, slow down” – dizzy and disoriented, but it was too late and
Souji was squeezing his hips, gritting his teeth, coming inside him.
Minato kept moving, riding it out, slower until he came to a stop. He sat back,
giving Souji his first view of his face since they started. He was sweating,
his hair sticking to his forehead and his cheeks flushed. His eyes were
unfocused like he wasn’t really seeing Souji at all. Souji knew that face.
Moving in slow motion, he looked down at his hand and stomach, and it took his
sluggish brain too long to recognize Minato had come too.
Something touched his jaw. Minato’s fingers. He leaned in and kissed Souji
quickly before lifting his hips on legs that shook like a newborn deer’s,
pulling Souji out. He let himself fall to the bed, facedown, as Souji reached
for the bedside table where he kept his box of tissues and cleaned his hand and
stomach. When he tossed them in the garbage, Minato touched his side almost
timidly to get his attention. Souji slid down to lie beside him and the two
looked at one another, catching their breath.
“Love you,” Minato murmured.
Souji smiled. “I love you, too.”
He waited for it, but no kind of emotional deflection came. No awkward jokes or
jabs about how long they had (or hadn’t) lasted, nothing about how odd it was
for Minato to put so much physical effort into something. Nothing about how
tired he was or how badly he needed a shower, or how his much his thigh muscles
probably hurt. As uncomfortable as Minato could get with emotions, as awkward
as they both could be, Souji had come to expect it.
Minato only reached for his hand and held it between both of his. Souji pushed
his damp bangs out of his face and stroked his cheek. Everything felt fragile,
like the smallest noise or slightest movement could shatter the mood like
glass.
“I mean it,” Minato whispered softly. The way he was cradling his hand to his
chest, Souji could feel his heartbeat, slowing more and more.
“I know. I’ve never doubted it.”
“Good. I should tell you more. I should…” Minato shook his head. He lifted
Souji’s hand to his mouth and kissed his fingers. “No matter what, I’ll always
love you.”
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!