It's a Bountiful Life, by Dr. Wren von Gregorintintinskinovitch A Woman's Guide to B.E. Forward This handbook is a complete guide to the phenomenon known as B.E. (breast enlargement/enhancement/expansion/inflation). It is meant to give women all the knowledge they need to deal with BE. That includes tips on how to make it happen and how to adjust to life with enormous breasts. As you can see, this text looks at BE as the positive experience that it can be if it happens voluntarily and you know what you're getting into beforehand. For example, be aware that vast majority of BE results in growth beyond the subject's expectations. You should be prepared right off the bat to become at least a little larger than you expected to. And even if you far exceed your goal, we hope this information will help you lead a healthy, happy life regardless of your size. This text can also help victims of unwanted-BE cope with the new bodies that have been forced upon them. In any case, the key is to maintain a positive self-image and try not to let the hardships bring you down. Life is tough no matter what size your breasts are. Remember that underneath it all, you're still the same beautiful person--there's just a lot more of you now! If you are thinking about growing to an enormous size, I recommend reading this entire text before going through with it. I believe there is vital information here that will help you make choices you will be happy with. If you have already grown to brobdingnagian proportions, you may want to skip directly to the section entitled "Life after Growth." Of course, if you ever decide to get even bigger, the "Growth" section will be there to help guide you. Dr. Wren von Gregorintintinskinovitch, MD, Oral Mammary Therapy Specialist and Cunning Linguist Introduction This handbook will deal with "Huge" and "Wow" size BE growth. "Big" size growth has been defined as large in the normal sense, and will not be addressed in this text. Huge and Wow are abstract terms that are loosely defined as sizes far outside the range where people believe what they are seeing--Wow being subjectively larger than Huge. For the purposes of this text, I will have to define a Huge breast as one in the range between basketball-sized and barely small enough to fit through the average doorway. I will also introduce a category called "Oh, MY!", defined as larger than the average household bedroom. Wow is in between the two. We will also have to distinguish between the various physical properties breasts take on depending on the method of BE used. Though the standard is massive growth of ordinary breast tissue, BE is often accomplished by filling the mammary glands with excess amounts of various substances--including but not limited to milk and air (most frequently, lighter gases are used so the woman may achieve flight). Some BE methods even use various densities of breast tissue so the subject isn't overwhelmed by the weight. How to Grow Growing Concerns Some methods of growth are pretty straight forward. You follow the instructions and grow to the size you've always wanted. In many cases, however, you get the luxury of being a little more creative when it comes to your growth. Before you seek out a method of growth, here are a few questions you might want to ask yourself: Do I want my breasts to grow overnight, or do I want to be awake for the experience? How fast do I want to grow? How large do I want to grow? How long do I want the growth period to last? Do I want ordinary breasts, or do I want them filled with something non-traditional? Do I want to lactate? How heavy do I want them to be? If filled with a gaseous substance, do I want them to lift me off the ground? How do I want my nipples to be affected? How sensitive do I want my breasts to be? How does the method of growth address potential health risks and pain from expanding to the size I want to be? How will the type of enormous breasts I want affect my lifestyle? If you can answer all these questions and are satisfied with the answers, then it's fairly safe to say you're adequately prepared to seek out methods of making your breasts grow absolutely enormous. Also, before I continue, I must address the issue of long-term and never-ending growth. If possible, it's usually desirable to have at least a little control over the destiny of your breasts. If you have a choice, think very carefully before you choose to continually grow for years and years. Those women who don't have a choice will tell you that before you stop growing, you'll probably far surpass the size you find most desirable. Growth Methods Most of your options fall into two categories: Magic and Science. Magic With magic, there are limitless possibilities if you know where to find them. Most often, magic BE is achieved by enlisting the help of a professional magician. You don't have to look very hard for them. If you are really really eager to have enormous breasts, they will somehow manage to find you. Sometimes they want payment, sometimes they don't. If you see someone in need, it's often a good idea to help them since they are often friendly magicians in disguise who have come to make your breasts grow. It's their way of rewarding compassionate women. Usually they will give you some sort of potion, candy, chocolates, or an enchanted object along with very specific instructions. Even if you don't trust the magician, I urge you to follow the instructions to the letter. Magic is very unpredictable and there's no telling what the consequences could be if you don't. Also, by consulting a professional magician, you take the risk of running into an evil magician. Without fail, an evil magician will always make you grow much larger than you originally wanted to be. It is best to only seek the services of magicians who are licensed by the Magic and Illusion Licensing Council (MILC). If the magician doesn't show you any credentials right away, be sure to ask, "Got MILC?" Of course, contrary to popular belief, any magical spell can be undone by a magician more powerful than the one who cast it, but (like police) you can never find one when you need one. Some women who want enormous breasts are magicians themselves. This is a very convenient situation since, almost always, they also know how to shrink back to normal whenever necessary. Amateur magicians should be careful (especially when mixing potions) since they aren't quite as knowledgeable. Also, every once in a while, a woman will unleash magical powers that she didn't know she had, casting what is sometimes called a "passion spell." If breasts are a major concern to such a woman, spontaneous magical growth can happen at any moment without her realizing what's causing it. This release of unused magical power is sometimes triggered by innocent contact with things such as air tanks or water spouts. So who knows, if you think about it hard enough, it just might happen. Of all the women who experience BE, these are usually the ones most satisfied with the results. There are also many other supernatural beings besides magicians, and there are also magical objects whose sole purpose is to induce breast growth. Like magicians, you don't have to look very hard. Either they will find you or you will feel drawn toward them. The information about magicians pretty much goes the same for these things as well. There are more concerns, however, when dealing with wish-granting. Whether it's a wish granting creature or a wish granting object, you have to be more careful here than with any other magical growth option. Unless the thing granting your wish is malevolent, you'll probably be smacking your forehead if you accidently botch your wish--and I don't mean with your hand. More often than not, you only get one shot at this. Be specific in your wording. Most things that grant wishes are ancient and from a foreign land, so you have to make a serious effort to make yourself clear. Science The most frequent method of scientific growth uses complex chemical substances, often in the form of a liquid or pills. It's a little harder to find BE scientists and BE products than it is to find magical ones, but as I said before, women who are determined to grow somehow always seem to find these things. As always, be careful. There really are such things as mad scientists. Due to their mental instability, they are more likely to use unconventional growth techniques than anyone else. If you trust one of these people to enlarge your breasts, don't be surprised if one day he inflates your breasts by remote control and you float off toward some secret lab somewhere. We have heard rumors of a case like this occurring, but the C.E.O. of Sievert Labs refused to comment. Whether it be a mad scientist or simple human error, without fail, mistakes always result in growth (never shrinkage) substantially larger than you ever wanted to be. Always check the scientist's credentials beforehand, especially if surgery is involved. If the procedure and the doctor aren't certified by the Testing Office for Pseudo-Science (TOPS) you may be at high risk for unforeseen complications. Participating in a research study is also a popular method of achieving breast growth. It seems that there is never a "control" group in any of these studies, so you are guaranteed to receive the actual enlargement treatment that they are testing. Placebos are hardly ever used. Even when they are, they always seem to get accidently mixed up with an even more concentrated form of the test medication. Follow instructions and prescriptions carefully. Always know the capacity of any air tanks that may be involved. Make sure any BE machines are connected to a proper power source. Also, be aware of the weather situation since, as you can probably imagine, a power surge from a lightning bolt has fairly predictable results on a BE machine. Some women have found that products meant for animals--such as bovine milk hormones--allow them to achieve the growth they desire. It's a little more difficult to calculate the correct dosage in this case since these chemicals are usually meant for cows, not humans. Most women choose to avoid this method of enlargement because of a documented case of a woman sprouting two extra breasts, big floppy ears and a tail. I was unable to find any translators who speak Cow, so she was unavailable for comment. Another, well documented, method of growth involves beings from alien planets who offer to enlarge your breasts using their technology. Most of the documents we retrieved on this topic through the Freedom of Information Act were completely blacked out with a marker--we were told this was to protect national security. The few lines that were still legible suggested that some women have had unfriendly encounters with these aliens. Although they offer the gift of enormous breasts, more often than not, they have a hidden agenda. You also might find various natural items that induce breast growth scattered around the planet. These range from unclassified fruits to radioactive rocks. There is little or no knowledge about most of these items, so it's possible to experience strange unforseen side effects if you use this method of enlargement. On the other hand, you usually have complete control over growth by this method since your final size is determined by the time of exposure to the object or by the amount of the BE-food that you consume. And lastly, for some reason, it seems that most scientific methods of growth induce lactation on the scale of a small deluge. If lactation is one of your goals, you're more likely to find it through science than magic, although I'm sure a wizard would oblige you if you want to feed a small town. As the politicians say, it takes enormous lactating breasts to feed a village...or something like that. Growing Finally, we come to the most important part of the "How to Grow" section, "Growing." You've got your method of growth picked out and now you're raring to go. Assuming you've given this an adequate amount of thought, you should be happy with the results-- especially if you remember the cardinal rule that you're probably going to end up larger than you originally thought. You've thought about the risks and fantasized about the advantages, so now you're ready to do the deed. For you women who fantasize about Huge, Wow, and Oh, MY! sized breasts, this is likely to be one of the most enjoyable experiences of your life, especially since most women like to engage in sexual intercourse during their growth (I can't think of a better time for it). In all the excitement, however, women do tend to make a few simple misjudgments that can make the situation a little more complicated than it needs to be. Let me give you an example of the average BE growth situation. Unlike most fictional accounts of BE, I will include the scenario that happens immediately after the average growth scene. You are with a loved one or alone in your bedroom. If your growth is already preset, it's likely that you grow larger than you are supposed to anyway since sexual stimulation often strengthens the effect of the treatment. Having not made plans for this miscalculation, you probably find your breasts too heavy to lift, too wide to fit through any door, or both. You may even find yourself floating up to the ceiling with no pre-planned way to get down. And on top of everything, you probably have to go to the bathroom. If you or a loved one are in control of your growth, there is a similar scenario. You may or not be making love to your loved one or masturbating alone, but that makes little difference. Whether it's the heat of passion or simply the excitement of the actual growth, whoever is in control is going to get a little carried away. You have the same consequences here as the other scenario. Fantasies are nice, but this is real life. It doesn't take much common sense to realize that if you're going to have breasts the size of Volkswagens, you have a little planning to do before they get that big. An appropriate setting is crucial. If you know you're going to make your breasts enormous, you might as well adjust your living arrangements beforehand. Be generous in your estimate of your final size, especially when choosing the location where you actually plan to sit and grow. If you're going to float into the air, you probably want to do it in-doors. If you'll be spraying large volumes of milk, I recommend using outdoor paint on the interior walls since it's designed to hold up under precipitation. Down-pours...let-downs...same thing. Also, mobility is important. Like living arrangements, mobility arrangements should be made BEFORE the actual growth takes place. There's no point widening the doors on your bathroom if your breasts are too heavy to drag in there. And it's hard to aim for a toilet if you're still floating on the ceiling. Of course, there's always going to be some unforeseen circumstances, but a little planning will take care of most problems. Even if things get more than a little out of hand, take comfort in the fact that you at least tried to compensate. Don't beat yourself up if things don't go quite like you wanted them to. Just adjust accordingly and make the most of what you've got--after all, you're going to be at that size for quite a while. These are the most pressing concerns for your actual growth period. If you've already prepared for these, you're all set to grow! Life After Growth I will take this part of the text one step at a time just as you should take your life as a phenomenally endowed woman one step at a time. So now you're Huge. Wow. Maybe even Oh, My!. You've probably just had the best orgasm in your life (so far) and you've finished basking in the afterglow--lying on your back or side, of course, since sleeping on your stomach is completely out. Now what? You probably have to go to the bathroom. Toss those babies into your wheelbarrow (or have your bulldozer push them into the dumptruck) and roll toward the porcelain throne. After that, dump them in your oversized bathtub and have a nice relaxing sponge bath, or if you prefer, lufah. Dry off as much as you can reach and go have breakfast. Now what? Do you have a job? You go to your closet...you haven't a thing to wear. It's probably a good idea to call in sick for a day or two. While you're on the phone, you might want to set up an appointment with a good chiropractor or a masseuse. Unless they're full of air, the weight is going to get to you eventually-- even if they're in a wheelbarrow most of the time. Time to go shopping. Cover yourself with whatever you can find and hit all the clothing stores you can fit into, call the ones you can't, and get measured by a seamstress. Anything one- piece is out of the question. All tops will have to be custom made unless you miraculously find something your size. You'll need custom made bras as well, unless your breasts are full of air, or their full weight rests on a wheeled platform in front of you. So now you're fully rested, fully clothed, bright-eyed, bushy- tailed, and brobdingnagian breasted. You're ready to face the world. "That's all there is to it?" you say. Of course, not. There's going to be tons of other ways you'll have to adapt to your new body. You'll probably be the center of attention wherever you go, receiving both good and bad reactions from people. There will be certain activities you can't do because your breasts get in the way. For things that absolutely must get done, breast obstacles and all, you'll just have to find a way to work around them. If necessary, you may be able to use federal laws to make your employer widen his doorways. Airlines will probably charge you for multiple seats. And buildings, furniture, and dozens of other things probably aren't ergonomically designed for someone with your figure. "That's awful," you say, "why did I ever do this?" You've forgotten already? Think of all the times you fantasized about having enormous breasts. When you didn't have them, all you ever thought of was what you like about them. Now that you have them, all you're going to think about is what you don't like about them? That doesn't make sense. At the very least, you should aim for somewhere in the middle. There are advantages and disadvantages to any situation fate puts us in. Don't think of yourself as better off or worse off than before. You're still you. The only difference is that now you're you with giant boobs. Have fun with them. Take care. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Thanks to Drake Dragar, Chairman of MILC, and Madame Nashon, Unlicensed Magician, for information regarding magical enlargement. Thanks to the Artist Formerly Known as the Prince of Darkness for providing commentary on evil magic and criminally insane scientists in exchange for Mastophilus' immortal soul, an autographed picture of Pandora Peaks, and a Wonka Schrumdidlyumptious chocolate bar. Sorry Masto--it was either that or my Johnny Swell art collection. Can't give up my Swell art, man. Thanks to the St. Cats Sexual Chemistry Class, the only research group not approved by the Testing Office for Pseudo-Science. Thanks to Agents Foxy Bustmore and Dana Cranium for providing alien abduction records from the Sex Philes. Thanks to Boobs Frontier for letting us chew cud with one of their "clients." Special thanks to Angelique Grimm for eagerly volunteering to test out various BE methods which, oddly enough, didn't produce the gargantuan size she was hoping for. It was heartwarming to see her try, though. And special thanks to Cheyenne Chaste Moon, winner of the coveted Boobie prize for Excellence in the Genre of BE. Without her guidance, there would be a few less giggles scattered throughout this text and a few less giggles scattered throughout my scatterbrain. And finally, special thanks to Miss Corinne Meadowlark, Support and Mobility Instructor for the St. Catherine's School for Growing Girls and very much NON-FICTIONAL columnist for R&D. Without her support (and mobility) I would never have realized that large growing breasts aren't all they're cracked up to be, and that it's still okay to like them even though they're not all they're cracked up to be. And it's okay to crack up when you read this ludicrous document that she inspired me to write. Thanks, Cee.