Keeping Up With The Joneses
A silly fantasy in many parts by
A x o l o t l
This story was inspired by an idea from Adrian Burns, who has more ideas than he ever writes stories.
© 2000 Axolotl
10
Getting Out Of Hand
"I DON'T want to talk to you," Betsy stormed into the phone. "I want Mum!"
"She's gone out to the shops," said Pandora. "We ran out of milk. I told her Mrs Jones had got gallons to spare, but she said she didn't like to trouble her."
"I hate the taste of that milk from next door," said Betsy's voice. Even down the phone, Pandora could imagine her sister screwing up her nose in the disgusted way she did.
"I just drank two whole pints," Pandora crowed with a belch at the memory of it. "And she gave me a great big gi-normous dish of rice pudding!"
"What for? Don't you get enough to eat at home?"
"It's nicer next door," said Pandora.
"I know what you mean." Betsy suddenly sounded more human. "The school dinners here are shitty, but even they're better than Mum's."
Pandora burped again. She felt really uncomfortable. It wasn't just her tummy, either; it was as if her boobs were over-filling her bra. Just like earlier this morning.
"What were you doing next door?" Betsy asked. She seemed eager for more news of home.
"Measuring Sian." There was a groan from the earpiece, but Pandora pressed on regardless. "She's so big, she has to put her tits on a table, 'cos they hang right down past her..." Pandora whispered the word in case anyone was listening. "Pussy."
"That's gross!"
"Anyway, we got them on the table, and they're only sixty-sixes. And I tried measuring them dangling down but it didn't work. We couldn't make the tape stay put. But then I had this great idea..."
"Is Mum home yet?"
"Not yet. I had this idea. Don't you want to hear it?"
"I've got to go. We get supper in ten minutes and it's shepherd's pie."
"It won't take that long. Mr Jones has put a swimming pool in the back garden. I don't know why, 'cos Eirlys is excused swimming. Anyway, I thought, let's put Sian in the pool and see if her tits float. And if they float in front of her, I could wrap the tape round her without needing a table. So we both got into the water and measured each other!"
"I've got to go. The other girls are going..."
"Anyway, Sian's were like sixty-nines, doing it that way. Of course, mine are mammoth but they don't hang down as far as Sian's. Only just past the top of my jeans. So they like float, but not as far in front as Sian's do, but she measured mine anyway, and guess what!"
"I'll call again tomorrow. Make sure you tell Mum to be in. I don't want to talk to you every time." Betsy paused. "What?" she said.
Pandora grinned happily to herself. Betsy was in her power. All she had to do was start talking about the size of her tits and Betsy was hooked. "What do you mean, what?"
"You said guess what. What? What do I have to guess?"
"Oh, that! My bust size, you mean? Is that what you mean? My bust size? My new bust size?"
"What is it?" Betsy howled, almost sobbing. A bell sounded distantly.
"Fifty-four!"
"Fifty-four?"
"Fifty-four! That's..."
"That's two and a half inches bigger than you were at lunchtime! What have you been eating?"
"Rice pudding," confessed Pandora with a belch. "And gallons of milk. Hey, Bets! You don't think that's why my tits are so huge, do you? Bets? Hello?"
"Pandora, fuck off! I'm trying to sleep!" Tina turned over and wrapped a pillow round her head. Then she sat up. "What do you want anyway?"
"Same as last night."
"Oh, no, not again. Mum's going to kill you this time. Show me."
Pandora hadn't made the same mistake again. Feeling hopelessly and enormously full-breasted at bedtime, she had gone to bed without a T-shirt or nightie. Now, she stood beside Tina's bed and unwrapped her bath towel.
"Fucking hell, Pandora! Are those things all you?"
"What do you think?"
"Think?" Tina struggled up on to her elbows, her own massive tits sliding down on to her stomach. She looked down at them, and shook her head. "They're twice as big as mine now."
"Probably," Pandora agreed. "They're ever so heavy, too. Look where they come down to."
"I can't see your belly button."
"It's still there. Behind my tits. Sian said I was growing six inches a day, but I've grown tons more tonight than last night."
Tina had to agree. Her little sister had ballooned far more this time. She reached out and touched one. It wobbled generously.
"Will Zara be coming in again?"
"Is she out on another date?" Tina asked with a gasp.
"I don't know. Has she really got a grown-up for a boyfriend?"
"He's got a car. He must be ancient. And Zara's fucking him!" Tina turned scarlet at the thought. "I wonder what it feels like. I've only ever done it with a girl."
Pandora hadn't really done it at all, but she was beginning to have thoughts in that direction. "If boys like big tits, like Zara's, they must like bigger ones like yours even more, right...?"
"I s'pose so. Some boys, anyway."
"In that case, they'll like mine twice as much!"
"Yeah." Tina looked crestfallen. "It's not fair, you being this big."
"I dunno," said Pandora. "I haven't got a boyfriend, have I?"
"You haven't even tried to get one yet, have you? I bet if you went down the green on Friday night, they'd be crawling all over you like flies."
Pandora considered this for a while and shuddered. "That would feel creepy. But Sian says I'll be bigger than her by the weekend. But if I've grown this much since last night, I'll be bigger than her long before that!"
Tina wiped her eyes on a corner of the sheet. Tears were trickling down her cheek and disappearing into her cleavage.
"C'n I have a quick drink before I go back to bed, Tee?"
Mrs Smith didn't kill her youngest daughter. She stayed in bed instead. "Get your own breakfast," she yelled at the girls.
"What's up with her?" Zara asked. She had a rosy glow in her cheeks and her breasts looked disgracefully perky.
"It's 'cos I've grown again," muttered Pandora, wrapped in her dressing gown.
"You look horny this morning," said Tina.
"I got gloriously fucked last night," said Zara, bringing gasps from her sisters. "Barry!"
"Barry Boggis? Is he any good?"
"Is he any good? Are bears Catholic?"
"I dunno," admitted Pandora. "My tits are bursting this morning."
"Stop going on about your tits."
"They've grown loads more," said Tina. "She showed me."
"They're even bigger now. I showed Mum. That's why she's stayed in bed. Can somebody butter my toast, I can't see it."
"Butter makes you fat," said Zara.
"Milk makes my tits grow," said Pandora. "I've decided that's what it is."
"How are you going to prove it? Stop drinking milk altogether to see if your tits get smaller?"
"Maybe I'll drink twice as much to see if they grow twice as fast. But I had a load of milk yesterday afternoon. Two whole pints!"
"Pandora! That's obscene!"
"I was thirsty. Rice pudding, too."
"What are you going to do about your bra?" asked Tina.
"I'm going next door. Mrs Jones might take me to see Gerard, if Sian's new bra's ready. Or I can go on the bus."
"On the bus? With those?"
"I can't go without them. They're me." Pandora rested them on the kitchen table. "They're so heavy, they hurt!"
"Who's paying for all these bras?" Zara asked crossly. "No wonder I never get any new clothes."
"You don't need clothes," said Tina. "You've got a boyfriend. All you do is tear your clothes off."
"No, Barry does that for me," Zara sighed dreamily. "He's got lovely hands. Not as big as his dad's, but..." She stopped, blushing brightly.
"You've been fucking Barry's dad!"
"Have not!"
"Have. Is he any good?"
"He takes a long time," Zara admitted, seeing that it was pointless to protest her lost innocence. "Nearly five minutes."
"Five minutes? Wow!"
"You won't tell Mum, will you?"
Tina had a predatory gleam in her eye. "When are you seeing him again?"
"Who, my Barry?"
"No, your Barry's Daddy."
"I don't know," Zara mumbled. "Maybe the weekend."
"I'll be bigger than Sian by then," Pandora interjected.
Tina ignored the interruption. "Good! While you're seeing his dad, I'll be seeing Barry, okay?"
Zara went white. "You can't!"
Tina opened the door and pretended to shout up the stairs. "Mum?"
"You can't do this to me. He's my boyfriend!"
"You're not allowed to have two. You can have his dad, 'cos you're older."
All these amatory arrangements sailed over Pandora's head. Her tits ached and throbbed with the pressure inside them. She crammed the last of her toast into her mouth and got up. "I'm going to see Sian."
"You can't go out like that," cried Zara indignantly. "You can't let the postman see you in your dressing gown!"
"Zara fancies the postman as well," Tina smirked. "I bet she shags him in the back of his van."
"Shut up!" Zara yelled at her. "I'm going to school."
"The bus isn't for another ten minutes."
"I don't care." Zara was bright red again.
"Barry's dad's picking you up in his car!" Tina accused her, and Zara's face and shoulders darkened through three more shades of crimson.
Pandora paused, almost out of the door. Her sisters seemed to have worked out the boyfriend situation quite nicely between themselves. She wrapped her dressing gown around her mightily straining tits and stepped outside. It was a windy morning again. The door swung wide and she grabbed at it. A rude gust whipped inside her over-filled bodice and blew it wide open.
The postman was just coming up the path.
Mrs Jones found the teabags and made an extra strong pot. "Here you are, Gerard," she encouraged him. "Sit up and drink some of this. You'll feel better."
Gerard took a sip and shuddered. He shook himself like a wet dog. "I don't know what came over me. Felt faint all of a sudden..."
"You weren't the only one," said Mrs Jones. "I nearly fell through the floor myself when I saw the kid this morning. And as for the postman..."
"The postman?"
"He was delivering just as Pandora came out of her back door, and the wind blew her dressing gown open. Poor kid, it's all she could find to fit her. Anyway, he got a faceful of the biggest tits he'd ever seen in his life. Apparently he caught sight of her yesterday morning as well. Of course, she's bigger now..."
"So I saw. Where are they?"
"In the changing room. I thought they'd better get out of your way until you'd recovered."
"I'm better now. We'd better bring them out. Did you find Sian's new bra?"
"Yes, she's trying it on now."
"I hope it fits. I've had so many bras returned this week it isn't true. Most of them by that bloody Smith child."
"Don't worry. She can't go on growing for ever. And Sian's will be a perfect fit. You'll see..."
A minor disturbance had broken out. The shop doorbell jangled and footsteps came clacking down the corridor. Into the work-room burst two blonde girls, one much taller than the other.
"Oh, hi," said Gerard weakly. "Mrs Jones, have you met the twins? Mrs Jones, these are the Jelly-Babi..."
"We've brought them back," said the shorter twin rudely slamming a package down on the desk.
"We don't need no bras no more."
"No bras?"
"We're getting our tits done."
"Bigger implants? But I thought you'd already got the biggest the surgeons would give you."
"We're having them out!"
"They're a waste of space," the shorter twin explained. "All that money just to go up to a fucking G-cup pardon my French, Mrs Jones and some eleven-year-old kid comes along and she's as big as both of us put together."
"We're seeing the surgeon again," said the taller twin. "Getting rid of them altogether."
The shorter one thought for a moment. "You don't know anyone who might want two pairs of second-hand implants, by any chance...? No, I s'pose you wouldn't, not in your line of business."
Gerard sighed. "I can't give you a full refund, of course; they've been worn."
"Half price will do. Maybe we'll come back when we're A-cups again."
"I won't be able to help you," said Gerard sadly. He wrote a figure on a cheque and handed it to the shorter girl. "The best of luck with your surgery..."
But the twins weren't looking at him. They had seen something coming across the work-room from the direction of the changing cubicle.
"Good job I made that extra strong pot of tea," said Mrs Jones, when the Jelly-Babies had finally stumbled out of the door, still in a daze. "It's good for shock cases. The caffeine, you know..."
"Can we measure Panda now, Mam?" Sian yawned. She was curled in an armchair playing with her hair. She was fully dressed again now, in possibly the biggest school blouse in the world, well stuffed with wondrously full, be-brassiered breast.
Pandora was standing with her toes turned inwards and her hands behind her back. She was wearing only panties, but they were invisible from Gerard's viewpoint, which was why he was a shock case once again. Her breasts were wider than her arms, and swelled outrageously even wider as they hung massively down, their pale pink wine-cork-sized nipples aimed at a pair of points on the floor ahead of her and several feet to each side.
Gerard tried to summon up the will, but failed again. "What's the point?" he sobbed embarrassingly. "What's the point of it all? She'll only come back again tomorrow, six inches bigger. Or even at lunchtime. No wonder her poor mother's had a nervous breakdown. I know how she feels, the poor woman."
"I know how I feel," moaned Pandora. "These things are heavy. And they hurt."
"They're still growing," said Sian helpfully.
"Stop it, Sian," said her mother. "Gerard's very upset."
"What about me?" Pandora wailed. "I'm the one who can't stop growing."
"Nobody can stop growing deliberately, Pandora," Mrs Jones pointed out patiently. "If you're getting bigger, you're getting bigger, and that's it."
"And it's only Wednesday," said Sian.
"What's that got to do with anything, girl?"
"I told Panda she'd be bigger than me by the weekend. But it's only Wednesday and look at her."
"Tina's seeing Zara's boyfriend at the weekend," said Pandora, forgetting her plight for a moment. "Zara's shagging his dad."
"Pandora!" Mrs Jones was deeply shocked. She covered Gerard's ears with her hands.
"There'll be no decent boyfriends left soon," said Sian. "We'd better start looking."
"We'll go down the green on Friday night."
"You will most certainly not!"
"Oh, Mam!"
"You're grounded until further notice."
"We can't be grounded just because we've got big tits!"
"No but you can be grounded for having lewd thoughts. And big tits."
Gerard pushed himself to his feet. "I suppose I'd better..."
"We've got to put her on the table," said Sian brightly, bouncing to her feet. "I've always wanted to do this."
"You ought to get a swimming pool, Gerard," Pandora suggested. "We've got this amazing way of measuring tits!"
"You'll never believe it. Go on, try and guess."
"Pandora!"
"Go on, Bets. Have a guess. I'll give you a clue. You know how much Sian said I was growing each day?"
"I don't know," said Betsy dully.
"Didn't I tell you? I meant to. Well, I was forty-one and a half on Monday morning and forty-seven and a half yesterday morning and fifty-one and a half at lunchtime and fifty-four when you called last night to ask how big I was..."
"I didn't call to ask how big you were. I called to speak to Mum. Where is she?"
Pandora was in full flow. "Anyway, I got huge at bedtime and I was even huger in the middle of the night, and I was so huge this morning when I frightened the postman, and when Gerard measured me I was ... do you want to guess, Bets?"
"No! I'm going!"
"Later, then!"
There was a long pause, then the sound of the lunch bell.
"Well?"
"Well what, Betsy?"
"How fucking big?"
"Betsy! I'm telling Mum you swore on the phone..."
"I'll come over there and strangle you! How big are you?"
"You're no fun any more. Sixty-one. Hello? Bets?"
"We're going to sneak out and go down the green."
Tina stared at her younger sister. "You can't go outside."
"I can. I'm not grounded."
"Sian is, so you ought to be."
"I can't be grounded just because my tits are giant. I have to be allowed out to go to school. At least, I will be going back to school next week. Me an' Sian are both going on Monday, as long as we don't need new bras again. Are you seeing Zara's Barry tonight?"
"He's not Zara's Barry."
"He's not yours either."
"I didn't say he was. He's just plain Barry Boggis."
"What did he say when Zara asked him if he wanted to go out with you?"
"She said he said he didn't mind."
"He likes big tits, doesn't he?"
"Yeah. Zara says hers aren't big enough for him. But don't you start getting fancy ideas."
"Mine will be too big for him. Besides, I fancy Gavin." Pandora swung from side to side, studying her reflection in Tina's bedroom mirror. "Does my bum look big in these shorts?"
"Disgustingly huge!"
"Good. That's because it is. How about my bra? Can you see it showing through this T-shirt?"
"Yeah. I can see the shoulder straps. They're two inches wide. And the strap at the back. I can count the hooks."
"How many?"
"Eight."
"Wrong. It's thirteen. Hmmm. That means this shirt can't be tight enough."
"Not tight enough? It fits like a ... a..."
"Like an XXL T-shirt on a seventy-three inch bust?"
"I suppose so. Are you really bigger than Sian now?"
"We're near enough the same size. I'm bigger round the bust, but she's shorter. She's got bigger tits than me when she's milking. I suppose she's been saving her milk up so she can feed all the boys tonight. Hee-heee! Angharad will be going ballistic. She's been shagging them all, but now Sian's going to show up and she's miles bigger than Angharad. And she'll be able to give them all drinks at half-time as well. You're not jealous of me, Tee?" Pandora ended anxiously.
"Jealous? What's the point? You're so much bigger than me, even when my milk's in. I've never seen tits as big as yours, not even pictures of them. In fact, I haven't seen many pictures of tits at all."
"Have I got the biggest tits in the world, then?"
"I haven't seen all the tits in the world. There's probably a woman somewhere in Africa with bigger ones."
"Only one?"
"Maybe more than one."
"Do you think there are two huge-titted eleven-year-old girls in Africa living next door to each other, like me and Sian?"
"I doubt it."
"Good! It's nice having the biggest tits in the world. I'll tell all the boys down the green that if they like big tits, they'll never find any bigger than mine, never, ever, ever. Then they can kiss me. I'm not letting them do anything else to me, not yet. Are you going to shag Zara's Barry?"
Tina frowned. "He's not Zara's Barry. He's mine tonight."
"What time's he arriving?"
"What do you want to know for?" Tina asked suspiciously.
"I just wondered if he'd be here before me and Sian go out. I'd like to see him."
Tina was horrified. "You can't!"
"I only want to see him. I don't want to shag him or anything. Won't even touch him. I fancy Gavin. Or maybe Winston or Ollie. Or all three..."
"Don't you dare come near Barry, Pandora!"
"You are jealous! Just because my bust is twenty inches inches bigger than yours."
"Twenty-five! And yes, I am jealous. Zara says Barry loves big tits, the bigger the better. If he sees yours, he won't even want to look at mine, milk or no milk. Pandora, please go out before Barry arrives. Please?"
Pandora grinned. "What are you going to do with him?"
"Watch a video."
"Up here? In your bedroom?"
Tina pulled a face. "No. Mum wouldn't let us. We've got to stay downstairs. Just because I'm not thirteen yet. It's not fair."
"It's okay, as long as you're quiet, Mum won't come into the front room. Betsy says she never interrupts as long as you don't scream too loud. Just don't let Barry bite your nipples and you should be okay."
Tina looked anxious. "Boys don't bite, do they?"
"How would I know?" Pandora suddenly gazed into the distance, thinking. "I wonder if I'd feel it if a boy bit my nipple? Like dinosaurs," she said by way of explanation.
"Dinosaurs?" Tina felt her hair beginning to stand on end. More and more often these days she had this feeling when talking to her younger sister.
"Miss Mollusc said that if you trod on a dinosaur's tail, it wouldn't feel it for ages. I don't know how she knows. Anyway, by the time the feeling of having a fat teacher standing on its tail had reached its brain it had forgotten what it was s'posed to be thinking about. Same with me. Now I've got such huge tits, I might not feel a boy biting my nipple until it was ten o' clock and I was back home. So if I see any of them biting my nipples I'd better say ouch straight away. They'll have to do it without taking my bra off, though, 'cos I'm not getting undressed down on the green. I'm only eleven, and eleven-year-old girls shouldn't get undressed in public even if they have got the most giant tits in the world. Maybe I'll change this T-shirt for a shirt with buttons, then I can just undo one or two buttons, that's all. Or maybe just take my shirt off. Nothing more than that. And I'm not letting them put their hands inside my bra."
"Just their mouths?"
"What are you talking about? I'd better go next door and find Sian. Have a nice time with Barry. I'll come in and see you when I get home."
"Pandora! Don't you dare!"
But Pandora had already massively wiggled her way to the door, and was edging out of the room, one breast at a time.
End of Chapter 10
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