Dr Hooters - Pt. LII by the Road Dog BOYS' LIFE Jeremy woke up with a start. He had been dreaming, about Ginny. Odd how these girls get under your skin so quickly. He opened his eyes and stared at the sheet that covered him. It had risen up off the bed like a circus tent, and it looked like there was on big pole in the middle holding it up. In the center, where the pole was holding the sheet up, there was a big wet blotch. Pulling the sheet aside, Jeremy started to scream when he saw what was holding his sheet up. "Dad! Dad!", she screamed, until he realized that his father was a thousand miles away on a meteo- rological ship, accessible only by short-wave radio. "Steve! Steve! My God, Steve, come here!", he hollered. Steve opened the door to his friend's room, and when he saw the object of Jeremy's concern, he broke out laughing. "You drag me out of bed at seven o' clock on Sunday morning because you got a stiffer? Phew!, and from the smell of things, you've already taken care of it!" Jeremy turned red. "No, Steve, look at the size of it!" Jeremy swiveled in the bed and pointed the offending member at his friend. "Its fucking huge!!!" Jeremy's dick, which of course, what it was that had him so agi- tated, was impressive. It was at least as long as Jeremy's fore- arm, and about as thick around as a fire hose. Erect, the head flared out about the size of a small apple. He grabbed it with both hands and moaned. "Who's gonna want to fuck a dick this big?", he whimpered. "Cassy Cavern? Damn! I was just starting to get somewhere with Ginny, too!" "You think you got problems, buddy boy?", Steve replied. "Look at this!" Steve unzipped his pants, inserted his hand into his crotch, and began pulling his own dick out. He pulled, and pulled, and pulled. "Fourteen and a half inches soft, Jeremy. I broke down and measured it last night. Thank God, it doesn't grow much when it gets hard, but still..." Steve collapsed in a chair next to his friend's bed. Jeremy's erection was, thankfully, beginning to subside, but every so of- ten, it gave a little twitch that caused it to heave through the air, waving like a conductor's baton. "Karen and me are getting married in December. She hasn't seen Big Johnson yet." His face fell slightly. "I hope he doesn't scare her to death." "When did it happen to you, Steve?", Jeremy asked. "Yesterday, at the laundromat", Steve answered. "I was folding my shirts when I felt something creeping down my leg. I thought maybe it was a spider, but no, it was my fucking dick! Growing out of my shorts like a goddam tendril in one of those cheap hor- ror movies. The Mexican lady next to me started screaming and ran off, probably to get the cops. I didn't stick around." "And you didn't tell Karen?" "Ah shit!", groaned Steve. "I been trying not to think about Karen." He tried to stuff his stiffening dick back inside his trousers. He just managed to get the zipper up, and Jeremy saw it made quite a bulge. "This bastard gets hard in a heartbeat, and he don't go down too quickly. I've been thinking about Mil- dred Austin, my third-grade teacher." Now that his erection had subsided enough to pull his underpants on, Jeremy did so. He noticed that it looked like he had wadded up a shirt and stuffed it inside. He pulled up on the waistband. "You know, Steve", he said with a faint smile. "There's lots worse things that can happen to a guy." "Think about it, Jer", Steve continued. "It'll be good for the band. Visual appeal never hurt any musician's career." "What're we gonna do then? Change our name to The Horsedicks? "The groupies'll dig it." "Don't want none a them sick bitches!", replied Jeremy vehement- ly. "I want Ginny." "Well, well, well, well, well", commented Steve in a sing-song voice. "Who was lecturing me a few short months ago on the joys of unattachement. Who wanted to join a band to meet chicks?" "I did join a band", Jeremy protested, "and I did meet a chick. I met Ginny. But now I got a dick like a baseball bat. I'm gonna end up in one a those flickery movies like they show down at the Capri, where the old putzes go in their raincoats." "A career in porno **is** an option now, if the band doesn't pan out", Steve said, half-jokingly. "They tell me the working con- ditions aren't so bad, but they don't offer any dental or medi- cal." "Bastard!", hissed Jeremy, crawling out of bed. "Is there any of that milk left? You know, the sweet stuff I borrowed from Gin about a week ago?" "Used up the last of it a couple of days ago", Steve replied. "You eat too much Taco Bell. Don't keep up with the food situa- tion around here, do you?" "No", Jeremy said. "Think about it. Think hard for a minute, Steve, if you have any blood left over for your brain. Have you noticed anything different about the girls next door?" Steve rubbed his chin. Analytical thought was still a novelty to him. "They all got big tits now, even Karen. She used to be flatter'n an ironing board, but now, hey baby!", he crowed. "Oh shit!", he added, "I forgot about Johnson down there. Sorry, boy!" Jeremy kept talking as they went downstairs to the dining room, where the could see the girls' cottage through the window. "Right!", he exclaimed triumphantly. "All of 'em, Karen, Ginny, the black chick Jack's been seein', the Korean girl Tom's boff- ing, the little bitty brown-haired bitch Brian's been dipping in- to. Even the little girl, what's her name..." "Ashley", Steve added. "Candy's daughter." "Right. All of 'em. The only one who hasn't grown is Amanda." "Shit. If **she** grew, they'd have to use a fork lift to cart her around." Jeremy started the coffee pot. "Listen", he continued. "Summer starts, and your doll-baby girlfriend moves into a house with a bunch a other cunts. Lots a fun, stay up all night, talk about guys, drink beer, hang out on the beach, right?" "Then, one night, some girl with tits the size a the Astrodome washes up on the beach and moves in with them. Within a week, WITHIN A WEEK, mind you, all these flat-chested sluts start blooming like they just discovered some kind a secret titty juice!" "Not only that, but you and me start filling out like we're gonna be modelling for some kind a advertisement in a muscle mag. Even me, the original ninety-seven pound weakling who gets the sand kicked in his face." Jeremy flexed his impressive bicep for em- phasis. "Now listen", Jeremy went on. "The only thing we have in common is that we live next door. If it was some kind of environmental thing, like the water, I'd imagine the effects would be a lot more widespread." "Like those faggots who live on the other side of us?", asked the politically-correct Steve about the gay couple who rented next door. "Alphonse and what's-his-name?" "Exactly. Now here's the clencher. Last time I saw Ginny, she told me that the reason she and the other girls had been growing is that Amanda had been milking up every night. Ginny had been milking her, -you know she's a farm girl from Iowa, and putting the milk in the refrigerator. All the girls over there been drinking the milk, and hey! Instant boom-boom!" "And you borrowed a gallon of milk from Ginny last week. You and me, we've been drinking it, too!" "You got it!" "So? ", asked Steve, puzzled. "So this. How much money do you think people would pay to have bodies like ours? How much money do you think women would lay out to have larger breasts, without surgery?" Steve stroked his chin again. His head was starting to hurt with so much thinking. "A lot?", he asked tentatively. "More than we'd ever make with the band, bucko!", replied Jeremy excitedly. "I don't know, Jeremy", said Steve. "Amanda doesn't look the kind of girl who'd agree to becoming a milk-cow for any of your get-rich-quick schemes. I'd be afraid to ask her for the time of day, myself." Jeremy winced, remembering the pain she effortlessly imposed on him the first time she saw him. "Yeah, we'd have to get her co- operation, for certain." "Steve stood by the window and drank his coffee. "Amanda seems to be pretty much running things over there now", he said. "I would too if I had tits the size of Rhode Island", Jeremy replied. "Hey, Karen's car isn't there. Neither is any of the others'", Steve remarked. Jeremy flew to the window to see for himself. "I don't see Gin- ny's Oldsmobile either", he said. "Where do you suppose they've all gone off to?", asked Steve. "Early Mass?" "Gimme a break, Jeremy!", Steve laughed. "Karen goes on Easter and Christmas, and she's a Methodist anyway. Tarah's the only halfway regular one, and she's Episcopalian, she told me. Shit! Chrissy's Jewish, and I can't even imagine Courtney in a church!" "Just a thought. It wouldn't hurt your pagan ass to go once in a while!" "OK, Padre", Steve intoned. "Still, I think they're up to some- thing. It doesn't look to me like anyone's at home over there. Strange. Hey! What's this?" He picked a piece of paper up off the floor. "Its from your dad." Jeremy snatched the paper from his friend's hand. "Damn! He wrote this before he left. I wonder how long its been sitting there on the floor." -Jeremy- it read. -I'll be out on the ship for at least a month, depending on con- ditions. Your brother Eric will be coming up from Miami on the first of August to spend the month while your mother goes to school. Make a bunk up for him. He says he might bring a friend with him. -Behave yourself. Keep the house clean. Don't let the cat shit on the rug. -Love; -Your Dad. "Shit!", groaned Jeremy. "My little fifteen year old brother up for a month! He'll be complaining the whole time about what a burg this place is compared to the Magic City. And as if that wasn't enough, he's dragging some pimply-faced friend up with him, and they'll both be expecting me to get them laid. Shit, fuck, damn!" "August the first. That's Tuesday. We got a couple days to get ready." "Thank God. Still, he better be ready to fend for himself around here!" *****************************************************************