up at the big house

by barrowclough

1

quite a long time ago

 

hector, the lord smellinghurst, left it a bit late to get married.
     of course, he was under no pressure to marry and produce a string of sons and heirs to the smellinghurst estate, as his father was still hale and hearty and sexually active right until the moment he died in his bed at the ripe old age of thirty-nine. he died, to his brief but at the same time permanent regret, nine seconds short of orgasm, with the words of his lady wife ringing in his ears, "you inconsiderate bastard!"
     there were three immediate consequences of his passing.

the village pub was renamed the inconsiderate bastard.
the ex-lord's widow, after ensuring that she had milked her husband's sperm from his fast-cooling loins, gathered about her a retinue of mostly male servants and barricaded herself in the east wing of the manor. this arrangement was reasonably convenient and acceptable to all parties, but it also blocked the most direct route from the kitchens to the main dining room, resulting in cold meals for the next three months until the local builders could be persuaded to knock down the wall of the library.
the third consequence was that hector found himself the lord of the manor, without an heir and, more crucially, without a wife.
hector had tried, god knew. perhaps in his aspirations for the continuance of the family line, he was guilty of setting his standards too high. whatever the reason, he had reached his twentieth birthday without propagating his seed. he had spilled plenty of it on the ground, but he hadn't propagated it.
     it was practically unheard of. the smellinghursts were accustomed to propagation. it was what they did best. in fact, they did more or less nothing else. the family business, if there were one, would best be described as impregnation. they impregnated the girls from the village. most of all, they impregnated each other. there were a number of recognisable family traits as a result. you could spot a smellinghurst from a mile off. especially one of the smellinghurst young ladies.
     and yet, hector had never entered into the fuckfest. even surrounded as he was by the most healthily buxom serving wenches on this earth, and with a bewildering array of eligible and well-endowed cousins to choose from, the young lord smellinghurst had not yet found one to his liking.
     or maybe there was another reason.
     he hadn't found one with big enough tits.
     for hector was addicted to huge breasts. every tuesday, the chauffeur was despatched to london to bring a consignment of the latest big bust videos and adult reading matter to feed hector's obsession. it largely failed to satisfy his lordship, but he was obliged to carry on reading it, just in case he missed something.
     so, he had not yet found an eligible woman with large enough breasts. that's a lie: actually, he had found several of his closer or more distant cousins who met his requirements most spectacularly. sadly, they were obliged to reject his advances.
     not even the prospect of becoming the new lady smellinghurst could persuade these busty prospects to enter into a loving relationship with a man of such in-breeding. hector's chin was virtually non-existent. he couldn't pronounce any word with an 'r' in it. in fact, he could scarcely pronounce any word at all. worst of all, his cock was miniscule. not to put too fine a point on it, it was only one and three quarter inches long.
     erect.
     nobody could understand it. centuries of selective breeding had made the smellinghursts the envy of the aristocracy. even from the earliest age, those male members of the clan who went to prep school were regarded with awe in the changing rooms. later, at eton, for reasons of decency, all smellinghurst boys were automatically excused any school games requiring the wearing of shorts. they were even unable to take part in leisure pursuits for which long trousers were worn. any smellinghurst boy experiencing an unscheduled erection was instantly rendered helpless, whether on the cricket field or at the chessboard. except for hector, of course, but he was useless at games anyway.
     the females, of course, did not attend school. it was not so much that the smellinghurst family did not believe in education for girls: most of them received private education at home. the problem was more practical. most smellinghurst girls, especially those of the more recent generations, were so majestically developed that school uniforms were out of the question. you couldn't have a[censored]wobbling around from class to class with breasts the size of watermelons exploding out of her school blouse. it just wasn't polite.
     ideally, hector could have settled down with one of the less bosomy cousins, but the older surviving members of the family regarded this prospect with horror. hundreds of years of selective breeding would be thrown away at a stroke.
     nevertheless, the family heaved a collective sigh of despair when hector met lady harriet. he had been just twenty at the time, and harriet was fourteen. by smellinghurst standards, life had passed them both by. harriet was the mother of fine and strapping twin boys, miles and stirling, who were now approaching their fifth birthdays. yes, birthdays in the plural � miles, the older by ten minutes, was born on new year's eve, while stirling's date of birth was the following year. it had been assumed that young harriet had been merely a late developer when she became routinely pregnant by her younger brother at the age of nine. incredibly, her breasts had been non-existent, even at that advanced age. to the dismay of her aunts, harriet had returned obstinately to flat-chestedness immediately after the birth of the boys. even at fourteen, her breasts were little more than orange-sized swellings on her waif-like figure.
     quite what hector was thinking of, nobody knew. perhaps he looked at harriet and saw something deeper, something more worthwhile than any pair of giant breasts could ever be. or maybe he was becoming senile as he entered his twenties.
     the happy couple were married in the great dining hall at smellinghurst. they went for their honeymoon to the west wing, where the marriage was consummated, after a fashion.

 

end of part 1