Andromeda Rain

Wildfire Research Laboratory
Level 2 minimal sterilization
An Undisclosed Valley in Northwestern Nevada
0430 hours

Dr. Skaggs had gone for 36 hours without sleep, and she was very upset. Not at the lack of sleep in her recent history, but at the cause of her forced insomnia. The microorganism she was studying was doing odd things. After being totally dormant as long as she had seen it, it had started moving and acting again. And when you work at a top secret, underground biological research facility, you don't let a "bug" do anything without someone watching it. The someone was her.

"Damn, if I wasn't so tired, this might be fascinating," she said aloud in the empty room. She looked up at the clock on the wall. The evil looking digital red display read 0457. Dr. Kirke wouldn't be in until 8:00.

"Well, he's just going to have to wake up earlier today," She said aloud again, "because if I spend another three hours here, I might release the bug out of spite."

Residence of Dr. Christian Kirke
405 Golden Drive
Semper, Nevada
0502 hours

So it was that Dr. Christian Kirke received a call at 5:00 AM, rousing him out of a well deserved rest. He had been awake for 36 hours, too, laboriously going over financial papers. As director of the Wildfire Laboratory, he was also in charge of making sure the federal money didn't stop. When he finally couldn't keep himself awake any longer, his wife convinced him to turn in, "for a little while." That little while was about fifteen minutes.

"Kirke here, what's wrong?"

"Dr. Kirke, this is Dr. Skaggs."

"Yes, Andrea, what do you need?"

"I need you to come in, I've been here for nearly two days, and I need to leave."

"Dear Lord, child, what has kept you there so long?"

"One of the samples has started mutating."

"Mutating?" That got his attention. "Which one?"

"Let me see...... Sample Andromeda Alpha."

"Andromeda Alpha is mutating again?" he asked, clearly agitated.

"I don't know about again, I've only been here six months, you know."

"Transfer yourself and the sample to Level 4, and get some sleep during the sterilization delay, and call Dr. Burton, tell him what you told me, and tell him to get there ASAP."

"Yes, sir. Is this more serious than I thought?"

"Every time Andromeda mutates, it has potential to be disastrous, hurry!"

Wildfire Research Laboratory
Level 4 maximum sterilization
An Undisclosed Valley in Northwestern Nevada
1500 hours

Four people sat around a conference table at 3:00 PM. Still wearing the same lab coat she had spent 36 hours working in and the last 9 hours sleeping in was Dr. Andrea Skaggs, junior member of the Wildfire team. 29 years old for the last three years, she had never been in such an emergency. Also being the only woman on the team was a distinct disadvantage. She crossed her pale arms across her still thin 120 pound frame and looked at the others. On her left was Dr. Charles Burton, a huge brute of a man, easily 6' 5 and close to 300 pounds. His full beard and thick black hair were shot with gray, giving testament to his 54 years.

"OK, so Andromeda is mutating again, is the Doomsday demeanor really necessary?" Burton asked.

"You remember what happened when Andromeda first touched down." Kirke replied. Although Skaggs had only been with the group less than a year, she felt she knew Dr. Kirke very well. Burton and Lochlan, the fourth member, didn't spend much time at the Wildfire lab, but Kirke was there every day, talking with her, talking with the lab assistants, being available for anything. He had the perfect demeanor and attitude to fit his namesake. He was the oldest of the group, at 59, but he had aged well. He had the Sean Connery thing going for him, and his wit and charisma made everyone trust and respect him.

"Yes, Kirke," Burton replied. "I remember all of that. I also remember the thirty other times that it has mutated. And we both know that twenty seven of those thirty times it mutated into another benign form, and never has it been the pestilence it was originally."

"Well maybe we're due," said Lochlan. Dr. Daniel Lochlan was 43 years old, and the team's resident pessimist. He also had an ego the size of a Banana Republic. No one really liked him, but no one could deny his skills, nor could they deny the need for them.

"Maybe," Burton replied, "but I doubt it. The strain is too responsive, and it's been here too long, to be deadly virulent again."

"Be that as it may," Kirke began, "we need to know what effect this current mutation will have on humans."

"How can we find that out?" Skaggs asked. Kirke seemed surprised by her question, and Lochlan chuckled openly.

"There is no way we can find out here," Burton began, shooting an acid stare at Lochlan. "The best we can do is find its effect on various lab animals, and watch the news for any report of odd goings on."

"But if the organism is important enough to be housed here, why do you think it will affect people outside?" she asked.

"You really didn't tell her anything, did you?" Lochlan asked Kirke.

"You know," Burton began, "there are times I wonder why you were ever put on this team, Lochlan."

"Because I'm the best microbiologist in the world, perhaps?" Lochlan returned.

"It's not worth it." Burton replied.

"Gentlemen," Kirke interrupted, then he turned to Skaggs, "Andromeda Alpha is outside, it escaped this very lab 15 years ago, when it mutated from a deadly form to a form that dissolved rubber. So far, it has stayed in the atmosphere, and as far as we can tell, it hasn't spread beyond North American airspace. We were able to reclaim a sample of the strain, and we keep an eye on it for signs of mutation. So far, every time our sample has mutated, so has the majority of the escaped strain. And so, today we have a mutating Andromeda, and we need to know what this new mutation does. Clear?"

"One thing," Skaggs continued. "If it is in the atmosphere, why are you worried about its effect on humans?"

"Jeez, you are slow. Because samples of the strain can get pulled down on drops of rain" Lochlan replied.

"Bite me, Daniel."

"I told you never to use my first name, it's Dr. Lochlan."

"Messier, and Madame," Kirke interrupted again, "if you would please save your energy and devote it to the task at hand, instead of yelling at each other. Please."

And so they set out to their work..............

Wildfire Research Laboratory
Level 4 maximum sterilization
An Undisclosed Valley in Northwestern Nevada
2200 hours

"Damned bug," Burton mumbled as he limped into his 'bedroom' in the fourth level sleeping area, "I spend seven hours sitting in front of a computer console, and that damned bug doesn't affect anything. Dogs, cats, pigs, mice, even monkeys. Nothing! Not a damned thing. So now my eyes ache, my knee doesn't want to bend, and I get to look forward to another 16 hours of the same thing tomorrow!" Burton turned on the television in his room as he groused. Clothing flew all over the room as he prepared for bed, socks and shoes in one pile, his shirt in another. Having never been married, Burton never had occasion to improve his housekeeping. Fifteen minutes later, Burton was watching CNN, trying to calm down and get his 5 hours of sleep.

"Damned bug," Skaggs nearly screamed, "I'm in the middle of the biggest emergency I've ever known, and this bug won't do anything. And Lochlan, that damned superiority of his. Just once I'd like to do something so well that even he couldn't say anything snide. Actually, I'd be satisfied just to punch him in the snoot."

At that moment, an idea wrought of exhaustion, frustration, and base anger came to her. "There's one way to see what this bug does to humans, and won't Lochlan be surprised when I discover it?....."

Burton, the stereotypical single male, was drowsing with the TV still turned on.

"Tonight's weird science story takes us to upstate New York," the announcer started, "where recent rains have apparently had some odd effects on a local dairy farm..."

"Rain...what?" Burton asked, not opening his eyes.

"Well, we had a bad storm last night," a farmer's voice began, "and when I go to the barn this morning, I notice some of my cows..."

Burton picked that moment to open his eyes, and saw a picture of a cow, immobilized by its distended udder, stretched clear to the ground and leaking milk everywhere, crying out to be milked, while four farm hands tried to keep up with the milk flow.

"As soon as possible," the announcer continued, "the cow will be transported to New York City for tests on what caused this bizarre occurrence."

Burton turned the TV off. His brain, still fuzzy from near sleep, was trying to put a handle on what he'd heard. "Rain...bizarre occurrence...rain...unstoppable milk production...rain...Andromeda mutation........HOLY..."

"SHIT!" Skaggs yelled as her bra exploded. In the two minutes she had been exposed to the Andromeda Strain, she had gone from an A flat to a G sharp. Her bra had shredded into so much useless cloth, and her shirt was about to follow. Then the milk began....

"What!?" was all she was able to get out as her breasts gained weight. Having 50 inch breasts filled with air was one thing. Having them fill up with milk was something else, and now she was leaning precipitously far back, trying to keep her balance as she went to find one of the other doctors.

"Christian, I've got it!" Burton yelled into the lab where Dr. Kirke was still working.

"What?" was the reply.

"The new mutation, I know what it does!"

"Great! What?"

"Well, I saw a news report about some cows...."

"Cows?"

"Yeah, cows. They got rained on, and then started producing milk unceasingly."

"Well, that's odd, alright, but what makes you think Andromeda caused it?"

"Because the same thing happened to me," Dr. Skaggs said as she hobbled into the lab, struggling under beachball sized milk bags. Her shirt had given up long ago, and she had unbuttoned her lab coat so that it wouldn't burst as well.

"Andrea?" Kirke asked. "What happened?"

"I exposed myself to Andromeda..." she started.

"You what!?" Burton yelled. "Jesus, and now you've infected us, too."

"Wait." Kirke ordered. "Andrea, when you exposed yourself, when did the changes start to take effect?"

"Instantly, and they haven't stopped," she answered, resting her 50 pound front on a nearby table.

"Do you feel anything, Charles?" Kirke asked Burton.

"No...no I don't." he replied.

"So I guess we're not being affected." Kirke reasoned.

"What's going on?" Lochlan asked, arriving. Then, seeing Dr. Skaggs, "Sweet, merciful crap," was his response. "Damn, what happened?"

"Andrea exposed herself to Andromeda," Kirke said distantly, apparently deep in thought.

"What are you thinking?" Burton asked.

"I'm thinking we need to seal Andrea in this room, and then evacuate all female personnel," he said as he was walking out the door.

"Where are you going?" Burton asked him.

"I'm going to warn the President of the situation. Lord Willing, we can get some national air time to warn people to stay away from rain."

"And what about us?" Lochlan asked.

"Look for some counter measure. Get Dr. Skaggs back to normal." Then he walked into an elevator, and headed for the world above.

"Andrea, are you OK?" Burton asked.

"Yeah, sure, except my breasts weigh more than I do, they're not slowing down, and they're so full I would probably lactate like a cannon if you looked at me cross-eyed."

"That would be a sight," Lochlan said.

"We'll find some way to help." Burton said. "I promise."

The White House
The Presidential Office
Washington D.C.
0900 hours Day 2

"Mr. President, I'm Dr. Christian Kirke, Wildfire laboratory."

"I didn't do it," came a reply in Southern drawl from the other side of the high backed chair, turned to look out the window.

"Um... Mr. President, we have a biological emergency on our hands." Kirke continued.

"I never touched her," came the reply.

"Sir, we have reason to believe that precipitation may have... unfortunate effects on the population."

"There is no governing legal authority for what we did."

"Sir, we need you to call a national press conference. The people need to know to avoid contact by rain."

"There's no evidence that the money came from China."

"Sir! Are you listening to me?"

"The DNC is not involved."

After exchanging a confused look with the Secret Service agent, Kirke slowly turned and left the Oval Office. "I don't know how the people will find out now, except by exposure, and then they won't understand. Damn it!"

Wildfire Research Laboratory
Level 4 maximum sterilization
An Undisclosed Valley in Northwestern Nevada
1500 hours Day 2

Dr. Daniel Lochlan was a man of many faults. An abrasive personality was the least of his faults. And 3:00 PM the second day found him sneaking into the lab room where Dr. Skaggs remained, immobile, breasts beyond all definition, they covered nine tables square, laden with milk, occasionally moaning from the intense pressure.

"I see you're enjoying yourself," Lochlan bantered.

"Daniel," Skaggs gasped, "what...are you doing...here?"

"It's Dr. Lochlan! I've come to see how you're coming along."

"What?" Skaggs asked, confused.

"I've never seen breasts like this before, it's intoxicating."

"What...are you talking about?"

"Call it my professional curiosity. I want to find out how a microorganism can cause a woman's breasts to assume such majesty."

"You're scaring me, Daniel."

"It's Dr. Lochlan, dammit!"

"Stop it! Get away from me!" she yelled at him.

"No need to scream, it's not like anyone can hear. Burton is off working on a 'cure' for you, Kirke has gone off on some damn fool crusade to stop this great thing..." he was stopped short by the look in Dr. Skaggs' eyes, "what's the matter with you?"

"What's the matter with you, I should ask?"

Dr. Lochlan's eyes took on a dreamy glaze as he spoke, "Imagine...some women get caught out in the rain, suddenly they're too big and heavy to move. Shredded clothes all over the sidewalk, and a milk hydrant at every street corner. Oh, it's beautiful, isn't it?"

"You're one sick-ass freak, you know that, right?"

"Sick freak, because men are hardwired to like breasts?"

"No, sick freak, because that's the sickest, freakingest thing anyone has ever said."

"Now, there's nothing sick about wanting to get a little drink..." he said, as he kneeled down for a little suck.

He got more than he bargained for.

At the touch of his lips, the milk in Dr. Skaggs gushed out, hitting him square in the face, and knocking him to the floor.

"You bitch!" he yelled as he stood back up.

"Don't get mad at me, you're the moron who wanted to drink from a fire hydrant."

"Well, I guess I'll just have to bleed off the pressure a little bit, won't I?" and with that statement he gave her left nipple a tweak. Milk gushed forth again, splattering against the wall opposite her. When the pressure lessened slightly, Dr. Lochlan assumed his previous position.

"Get..(oh), the hell (oh my!)...off me," she tried to scream, but the intense pleasure robbed her voice of power.

"Andrea, I think I've got it...what the hell?!" The sight that met Dr. Burton was, at best, surreal. Dr. Skaggs was crying, moaning, and trying to talk between moans, Dr. Lochlan was at the other end of the table, a foot long nipple in his mouth, a dreamy smile on his face, getting a milkshake, and the was three inches of milk covering the floor. He looked at Dr. Skaggs for some clue as to what was going on.

"Charles...(moan), help me," she pleaded.

It didn't take Burton long to assess the situation.

"You demonic bastard!" was all Lochlan heard before 300 pounds of fury bowled him over. Then he was picked up and thrown against a wall. He lost count of the punches to his jaw and gut before he lost consciousness.

"Charles, stop," was all Skaggs could say. Burton must have heard her, because he stopped his last punch just short of permanently crushing Lochlan's face. He stood up, wiped the sweat off his brow, and looked at Skaggs, but then quickly averted his eyes.

"Thank you, Charles." It was all that needed saying.

"Don't thank me. Another day or so and that would have been me fondling you."

"There's nothing wrong with liking breasts, Charles."

"Yes, I know. But it bothers me that there's only one degree of separation between me and...that," he said, spitting on Lochlan.

"Perhaps, but that one degree...is humanity," she replied.

"Well, it's nice of you to say it, anyway," he said, smiling at her. Then he averted his eyes again, "I'll send a janitorial crew around to clean this place up. The thought of that thing waking up in a garbage dump has appeal. And once I've cooled off, I'll come back, and we can test my theory about a cure."

"Yes, Dr. Burton."

Wildfire Research Laboratory
Level 4 maximum sterilization
An Undisclosed Valley in Northwestern Nevada
1700 hours Day 2

"So, what is your plan?" Dr. Skaggs asked. After two hours of growth, she had regained and surpassed the size she was at before the confrontation.

"Well," Dr. Burton began, "when Andromeda first touched down, we learned that it can't survive in people who have an abnormal pH balance."

"So what do you plan to do, my pH is normal."

"Well, there's a way to unbalance it."

"Which is?"

"Get so drunk you can't remember your name."

"That's your plan?"

"Unless you want an artificial ulcer. That would do it, too."

"I guess getting drunk sounds better."

And so, two hours later, Dr. Burton took a blood sample from a sloshed Dr. Skaggs, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it was free of Andromeda infection. So she wouldn't grow anymore. Now they just had to get her back down to normal size. That would have to wait until she was sober enough to think.

Wildfire Research Laboratory
Level 4 maximum sterilization
An Undisclosed Valley in Northwestern Nevada
0930 hours Day 3

"I'm sorry, Charles, but you have to. I certainly can't reach them."

"But..."

"I trust you. Now please, fix this."

So, Dr. Burton reached out a tentative hand, and gingerly squeezed Dr. Skaggs right nipple. Just as the day before, a flood of milk came gushing out, only this time it was being collected into a giant barrel, and disposed of. The milking lasted for three hours, during which time Dr. Burton calmed down, and Dr. Kirke returned from Washington.

"Just what the hell is going on here?" he asked.

"Charles was just finishing the cure for Andromeda, sir." Dr. Skaggs replied.

"The cure involves fondling a woman's breasts?" Kirke asked sarcastically.

"I'm afraid so." Burton replied. "Andromeda still can't survive pH imbalance, but that only stops the growth. The only way to return a woman to normal is to milk her."

"Well, I'm sure husbands all over America will enjoy that," he replied irritably.

"What's wrong, Christian?" Burton asked.

"Things didn't go well in Washington. We can't get any airtime. More women will suffer like Andrea did, and we can't do anything about it," he said morosely.

"Ready for another go, Andrea?" Burton asked.

"No, leave them this size, Charles. I think a pair of GG breasts is just compensation for this whole nightmare." Skaggs replied.

"So, one woman is cured, and it took three days. What about the rest of America?" Kirke asked.

"Don't worry, Christian. I'm sure we'll come up with something." Burton assured him.

"Tonight, on Hard Copy, a group of private scientists claim to have found a cure for the "Breast Rain" epidemic that has affected millions of women, and the cure involves getting drunk. We'll be back with that story, after this."