Victor tirelessly changed from one channel to the next with his remote in an endless search for something meaningful to watch. He would pause for several seconds on some channels, passing others without a second glance. It marveled him to think that out of 73 channels of programming, he could find nothing to watch.
His frustration finally peaked and Victor hit the power button, making the 22-inch screen go dark. He sighed and dropped the remote beside him. With both hands he rubbed his face and pulled a modicum of gook from the corners of his eyes. After flicking the crud across the room, he rolled on his side and stared at his roommate.
Tyler was lying on his bed; his glasses far down on his nose, holding a book in both hands. Victor could never understand what was so fascinating about the written word. It just didn�t grab him like Miami Vice or The Prisoner.
Tyler calmly turned to the next page, totally oblivious of the intense glare his roommate was giving him. Victor yawned as he glanced at the remote and then at the television. He snatched the controller up and aimed it at the box.
However, before he turned the TV back on, Victor glanced back at Tyler. He cocked his head and held up the remote, thinking for a second, what it would be like if he could change his roommate just by pressing the buttons on the small device. He aimed the multi-buttoned channel changer at Tyler and pressed the "Channel Up" button.
"Boipp," there was a flash of light, and suddenly Tyler was gone. What was left on his bed looked like a tall, stand-up trashcan lying on its side.
Victor froze in shock. All that remained of Tyler were his wire-rimmed glasses perched precariously near the swing-door mouth of the can, and the book he had been reading, which laid on the can's midsection. Afraid he might be dreaming, Victor jumped from his bed and crossed the room. He banged on the can, looked inside and even pressed his ear against it. No nightmare, it was real.
He paced frantically, praying for an instant explanation to what had just happened. As he stared at the remote, he wondered maybe if it could change Tyler back. Maybe all he had to do was push the "Channel Down" button.
Victor returned to his bed and pointed the remote at the trashcan, carefully pressing the required button as he looked away. There was the same strange noise, and Victor looked at Tyler's bed through squinting eyes.
There laid Tyler, still reading, completely ignorant of what had just happened to him.
Victor breathed a sigh of relief and then looked at the remote again. He couldn't believe it. He could change his roommate, and then change him back if he had to. Maniacal thoughts suddenly entered his head as he imagined the possibilities that laid before him.
A voice in the back of his mind tried to tell him not to do it, but Victor's conscious thoughts were too strong. He lifted the remote again and pressed the "Channel Down" button.
Flash and "Boipp!" A small turtle sat on Tyler's bed, intently reading the propped up book through Tyler's glasses. Victor thought of putting him in an aquarium and torturing him. Nah.
Flash and "Boipp!" A small cartoon mouse wearing suspenders and clogs. Nope.
Flash and "Boipp!" A three-month-old baby. Victor thought of diapers and adoption agencies. Uh-uh.
He settled on one arm and went into "rapid-click" mode.
A fan. He already had one.
A four-foot-tall grandfather clock. No place to keep it.
A small tube of super-glue. Where was that when he needed it last week? Could have saved him four bucks.
A potted plant. Too much responsibility.
A dog giving bir...Aaaaaaa!
A soccer ball. He preferred football.
A hair clip. What hair?
A black and white cat. The building superintendent didn't allow free- roaming pets.
A soda. He had a full refrigerator already.
A gorgeous blonde in a skimpy, red, two-piece bathing suit.
A light bulb ... wait a minute.
Victor quickly hit the opposite channel button and once again gazed upon the smooth legs and silky shoulders of the woman he had inadvertently skipped. Drool trickled down his cheek as she reached up and adjusted her glasses before turning a page in the book.
He stood up and walked slowly toward the young lady on Tyler's bed. She looked better with every step he took. He got up next to the bed and fell to his knees, looking up and down her sensuous body.
Then he looked at her face. She was still staring intently at the book in her hands and seemed to ignore him completely. Her lips were full and her eyes were deep blue, calling him in with every blink.
Victor cleared his throat. The woman turned her head to face him and raised her eyebrows. He smiled. She cocked an eyebrow. He lunged forth and kissed her hard, ramming his tongue into her mouth and drinking deep of her lips.
Strong hands pushed him away and slapped him. The remote fell from his hand, landing on the edge of the bed. He put a hand to his cheek and looked back at the woman with confusion in his eyes.
She aimed the remote at him and pushed the "Channel Up."
Flash and "Boipp!" A remote controlled car.
Flash and "Boipp!" An orangutan.
A bag of ballpoint pens.
A frozen dinner with turkey and potatoes.
The Sunday edition of a newspaper.
A parrot.
A girl about five months pregnant.
A bookshelf.
There was a pause, and Victor once again found himself in the body of the girl. He looked down at himself and couldn't believe what had happened. He then looked back up at the blonde.
The blonde moved her hand to the "Fast Forward" button at the bottom of the remote and pressed it. As she held it down, Victor could feel his body bulge out suddenly at his belly and slightly in his chest. Pain shot at his insides as months of kicks and turns were forced against him in a matter of seconds. The sudden change in body weight threw him off balance and he fell to the floor. Victor cried out.
His cry was suddenly cut silent. He looked up at the blonde. She was sitting up on the bed and still aiming the remote at him. Her finger was on the "Mute" button.
An intense pain erupted in his gut and throughout Victor's torso. He tried to cry out again but the attempt wielded no sound. Victor's eyes began to water as he watched the blonde turn the remote on herself and press the "0" and "2" buttons.
Flash and "Boipp!" Tyler was once again himself. He set the remote on his nightstand and looked back at Victor.
"Now Victor, or shall we say Vicky," Tyler started, "What have I told you about my side of the room? I expect you to respect my space as I respect yours." Victor fell on his back as another jolt of pain hit him. "Now just let me finish this chapter and then I'll take you to the hospital and we can get you admitted. Oh, and another thing .../;
Victor watched as Tyler took the remote again and removed the batteries.