Lulubelle wondered why the title hadn't been rendered as (S2C2)2.
Confusingly, given its opening paragraph, the notice wasn't signed, but she knew well enough who was behind it. It was those two self-opinionated girls in their final year. Muriel and Serena. Their entire academic career to date had been a dedicated struggle to avoid physical education, sport and games, or any competitive activity apart from bragging about their latest sexual conquests.
Lulubelle grinned to herself and moved on. Behind her, the crowd of Juniors were still trying to decode the heading of the notice. Only one or two of them stared at her curiously, perhaps wondering why such a tall girl with such skinny arms and legs seemed to have such an oddly plump tummy.
"Any entries yet, Moo?"
Muriel Underwood shuffled through the grubby sheets of paper without looking up. "Dozens. Not too many real surprises. We'll clean up, for sure. It's hardly worth holding the competition, but the prize money will be handy. And it will positively reinforce our image in the school. We'll be remembered after we leave."
Serena picked up a stack of entry forms. "These are all girls."
"Of course they are. That's the Category B list. Diameter of areolae. You don't find many boys who qualify. Here's the boys' entries. Longest � thickest � greatest percentile penile extension..."
"What...?"
"The biggest difference in size between when it's limp and when it's erect. We've had nine entries so far..."
Serena smiled sweetly. "I've never even seen a limp one, Muriel, dear! Not even afterwards. One look at my whoppers and they're instantly throbbing again."
"Huh!" Muriel was seriously worried about her chances in Category A, for sheer breast size. Serena's breasts were glorious, and tremendously firm. Only after a bitter argument had Muriel triumphed in her bid not to allow a separate category for breast firmness.
"We've got these categories all sewn up between us, Moo. You'll win the sheer size category easily," she lied.
"Oh, I don't know." Muriel crossed her fingers behind her back. "But you�re an absolute certainty for Category B. Yours must be six inches across! I wonder who'll win the longest and thickest nipples awards."
"Yours are pretty long, Moo!"
"And yours are lovely and thick, Serena!"
The Senior Common Room was filled with Peace, Love and Understanding.
"Any entries for the girls' You-Know-What's?"
"Girls' private parts? Not many yet. I thought we'd get more than this. Stretchiest lips, meatiest ... hairiest ... biggest clit ... wettest..."
"I don't know how we'll be able to judge the wettest pussy, Moo. Mine's very wet, but not all the time. Although I do think I stand a very good chance in Category N..."
"N? Maybe we shouldn't do that one. Nobody's entered yet, anyway. It would be a bit messy, cleaning it up afterwards..."
"Especially if I enter," Serena smiled even more sweetly. "You'd have to wipe it off the walls!"
"If you're the only entry, perhaps we won't need you to demonstrate." Muriel stacked the forms in a neat row of piles. "There, all done. Entries close at three-thirty today. We can start the judging on Monday. I'll need your help organising the judging. Here's what I thought we'd do..."
Somehow, the contest had captured the imagination of the whole school. Muriel had even been coerced into providing special Junior awards in the major categories.
"Their money's as good as anyone else's, Moo," Serena had said. "You had forty entries from the Junior kids in a whole bunch of different categories. They don't stand a chance of winning outright. It will only cost a fraction of their entry fees to give them a prize. Just biggest non-Senior tits and biggest non-Senior cock. It will encourage them to try again next year and the year after that."
"What's it matter what they do after we've left?"
"Moo, darling! This will be our legacy. Your legacy! You will go down in the history of the school. And talking of going down in History, I gave Davie Robinson a blow-job during the Battle of Little Big Horn. If he can come as much as that during the judging, nobody else will come near him in Category F (Male)..."
The judging had taken hours of organisational work. There were twenty-five separate panels of judges, drawn from the upper classes of the school. They were interviewing contenders in a number of highly secret and separate locations. To ensure a degree of anonymity, contenders were allowed to drape themselves in yards of curtain material, leaving only the relevant parts of their anatomy uncovered. To maintain this disguise, each entrant was handed a numbered card in return for his or her entry fee for each category. Only when contestants received their cards did they learn the locations of the judges. It was all beautifully organised.
Muriel had just been judged for Category A, and was reloading her bra outside the girls' gymnasium changing rooms. "How's it going?" Serena asked. She had deliberately delayed her own entry into the judging area for Biggest Breasts until her chief rival had been judged.
"Not bad," said Muriel. "They give you a towel afterwards to dry yourself off."
"A towel?"
"They're using displacement of water. Archimedes Principle. He was an ancient Greek. Even so, he wasn't your usual Greek. He was so interested in the size of women's breasts, he invented this method. It avoids any confusion caused by some breasts being unnaturally firm..."
"Unnaturally firm? You're not suggesting that some entrants might have implants?"
"Implants? In a school? Of course not. It's just that really very beautifully firm breasts � like yours, Serena � do tend to look bigger than all-natural pendulous ones, like mine."
Serena went very red and made an excuse. "I'm going to get judged now," she said. "By the way, the judges in Category N did make me perform. Apparently another girl had entered..."
"Oh? Another late entry?" Muriel frowned.
"Yes. There seem to have been quite a few late entries this morning. Just about every category has had at least one. But they're all paying, so it will mean all the more cash for us to share out at the end. We're going to collect hundreds and hundreds!"
Muriel's doubts cleared. As long as all the entrants paid, and they had to pay to get their numbered cards, it didn't matter. The categories had been skilfully chosen so that the vast majority of the prize money would go to the organisers and their current boyfriends. Which was as it should be in any well-designed contest.
"How's it going, Muff?" Lulubelle paused outside the potting shed and sorted out another coin for her entry fee.
Adrian 'Muff' Diver spun round, grinning when he saw the lanky girl behind him. At six feet two, she was as tall as he was. "Hi, Loo. We're looking good. Just got two more categories to do after this. And the way I feel this morning, they'd better have a bucket ready. A large bucket."
"Go for it, Muff. I've just got this one, then it's Category A, then I'm all done."
"So you've got time for a quickie? Round behind the shed?" He grabbed Lulubelle's skinny arm and dragged her, off-balance, round the corner.
She laughed, a lewd cackle. "Let go! Not yet! Plenty of time for that later. You'll blow your chances in Categories F and G (Male)!"
Muff looked disappointed. "I can still win those. I'll have twenty minutes to recover..."
"What about Category H (Male)? You're entering that as well?"
"What's H? I'm a bit short of cash." He anxiously jangled his coins in his pocket.
"New category, the judges added it this morning. Recovery Time after F and G. Measured in minutes and seconds."
Muff seemed doubtful. "I dunno. The way it's coming out of my ears at the moment, I might blow my brains out just doing F and G! They'd better measure recovery time in days and weeks."
"They'd better not, lover! You've got some catching up to do. We haven't done it since Saturday night." She leaned across and placed a delicate kiss on his lips. For a dangerous moment, their mouths opened and their tongues touched. Muff clutched at his exploding testicles and hung on tight. Then he half-ran, half-hobbled, to the judges for Category F (Male).
"How did they arrange it? A special assembly of the whole school, without a member of the teaching staff in sight?" Lulubelle looked across the sea of heads toward the stage at the front of the hall, where the specially appointed panel of judges were sitting behind a table, in earnest conversation.
Muff shook his head as if he didn't quite believe it. "I don't know how those two got away with it, not for this! But they're allowed to call one students' general meeting in each session of the school year. Three altogether. It's a special dispensation, in the name of democracy and human rights. The staff agree to stay outside, although there's one teacher just outside the door in case of emergencies."
"You think the staff really don't know what's going on?"
"They can't know. They'd have put a stop to it if they did. Can you imagine Old Foxy allowing this sort of thing? Just one look at the list of categories would make her faint away..."
"Here we go...!"
The head of the panel of judges was on her feet, and stepped forward, clearing her throat nervously and rustling a large sheet of paper.
"Good morning, School, and welcome to the presentation of the awards for the school's first ever Secondary Sexual Characteristics Competition." She waited for the excited buzz of voices and giggles to die down. "The panel of judges, of which I have the privilege to be Chair, have ... erm ... has been closeted since the competition closed on Monday afternoon, and we have finally prepared the results. There is only one winner in each category. I shall read out the names of the winners, and you will be able to applaud them as they make their way to the stage to collect their prizes. Thank you. And now, the winners." She unfolded the paper and studied it closely for several seconds, as if expecting it not to say exactly what it had said two minutes before. "They are not in any particular order, by the way..."
The school held its breath.
Near the central aisle at the back of the hall, where they would attract the maximum of attention as they sashayed up to collect their awards, Muriel and Serena glanced at each other, and squeezed hands in a gesture of mutual support and deepest hatred.
Much further forward in the body of the hall, Lulubelle and Muff clasped hands. She drew little circles on his palm with a fingernail.
"First of all, Category H (Female). Largest Pussy Orifice." Embarrassed gasps ran around the hall at such disgracefully explicit language. "The winner, with a measurement of five point seven five inches, unstretched � that is an astounding six fingers � was Lulubelle Donaldson!"
Absolute stunned silence greeted the announcement. As Lulubelle murmured her "excuse me's" and made her way to the aisle, scattered applause broke out. It swelled to a comfortable level of appreciation as she reached the aisle and walked up to the stage. Normally, she would have covered the distance in about five strides, but she reminded herself to adopt a more feminine mincing gait. She even managed to wiggle her narrow hips slightly as she mounted the steps to the stage and accepted an envelope from the smiling head of judges. Conscious that she had perhaps overdone the sexual display, she made her apologetic way back to her place, her head slightly bowed and her shoulders stooped. There was discussion all over the hall. On all sides, students were holding out their hands with fingers outstretched, disbelieving.
Muriel dug her fingernails in Serena's palm. They hadn't entered that category, although they had intended it to be an easy victory for their close friend Maggie. Never mind, you can't win them all...
"And next, Category D (Male), Greatest Percentile Penile Extension, with a staggering four hundred and fifty per cent, the absolutely clear winner, Adrian Diver!"
Shocked silence again, then sporadic applause as Muff edged out into the aisle and went up to collect his award. All eyes were on his groin as he returned to his place at Lulubelle's side.
"Four fifty?" Serena was shaking her head.
"Four hundred and fifty per cent. He must only be about two or three inches long when he's soft."
"Two or three? Okay, so that makes it nine inches long when he's hard? Or is it thirteen and a half inches?"
"I dunno. Maybe it was cold when they measured him..."
The judge rustled her paper for attention. "Back to the girls again for the next one, Category B (Female), Diameter of Areolae."
Muriel felt Serena's hand become extremely sweaty...
"This was an interesting and closely contested category. Three girls were within an eighth of an inch of each other, at around the six point five inch mark. I think you will agree, that is extremely large."
Serena smiled weakly at Muriel...
"We were obliged to resort to remeasuring both horizontally and vertically and even taking an average of left and right areolae..."
Serena clutched so hard at her classmate's hand it was almost painful...
"...But finally, we were able to determine the winner..."
Serena quietly but copiously pissed herself...
"...When almost the last girl of the morning came along to take the award with the biggest areolae the judges had ever seen! At nine inches, the winner is Lulubelle Donaldson!"
Serena's face was a burning torch as Lulubelle emerged into the aisle. This time, she pulled her shoulders back and strode confidently up to the stage.
"Nine inches? That's..." Throughout the hall, hands indicated just how big a diameter of nine inches really was. Boys and girls goggled at lanky Lulubelle as she made her way back to her place, all of them trying to see through her chastely buttoned blazer and shirt.
"Category N: Girls' Ejaculation," announced the judge, blushing fiercely. "This category was badly undersubscribed, with only one contender until the morning of the event."
Serena's hot flush had turned to an icy pallor...
"The judges had been looking forward to being able to award the category by default, but it proved necessary to ask both the contenders to ... erm ... perform for us. The results were astonishingly messy, but again, there was a clear winner. We used a trajectory of forty-five degrees for maximum range. With a best squirt of nine feet, seven and three-quarter inches and an estimated total ejaculate content of seventeen fluid ounces..."
Serena groaned and collapsed on the floor...
"The winner was ... Lulubelle Donaldson!"
This time, the applause was almost deafening, at least, from the boys in the audience. From the back of the hall came some noises of dissent. "Cheating! She must have been pissing!"
They were swiftly silenced as the judge looked up sharply. "The ejaculate was analysed and tested by the panel, and found to be within specification. Our judges pronounced it as among the best they had ever tasted!"
Lulubelle blushed and lowered her eyes.
"Next, Categories C and D (Female), Length and Thickness of Nipples. There was excellent competition here throughout the school. The judges would like to give their personal approval to forty-seven girls for length and sixty-one for thickness. However," she paused for effect, "...with a remarkable length of one point six inches..."
Serena had just sat up on the floor, now she rolled over again...
"And a thickness of exactly one inch, the winner is Lulubelle Donaldson!"
Muriel collapsed on top of Serena...
Lulubelle, blushing furiously, collected both her awards and returned to the auditorium holding the envelopes across her chest, as if worried that her prize-winning nipples might make themselves evident through several layers of school uniform.
"Boys again," said the judge, as the applause finally gave way to a sexually aroused murmuring. "Category B (Male), Penile Thickness. This was very strongly contested. Several remarkable thicknesses were recorded. Measurement was taken of the diameter at the thickest point of the shaft, using a micrometer in various directions. Our apologies to those contenders who claimed that the cold steel of the micrometer caused detumescence. We were worried that heating the instrument might lead to damage. The winner, with a mean diameter of three � yes � three point nine six inches..."
Gasps...
Several girls started to cry...
"Was Adrian Diver!"
Not an eye left Muff's crotch as he went up to collect his award. Those girls close enough to the aisle were able to lean across and accidentally brush against him as he passed on his way.
"What was it like...?"
"Thicker than my arm...!"
"Shit, that's bigger than a horse! Where does he put it?"
"How d'you mean, Rachel?"
"He can put it in here any time he likes..."
The judge spoke quietly in Muff's ear, before stepping back covered in blushes and confusion. Muff shook his head at first, then straightened his tie and stepped forward to the front of the stage. He coughed a couple of times experimentally.
"The head of judges has asked me to say a few words about my thickness and ... erm ... size in general. Anyone in my class who has seen me in the showers after games will already know how big my ... my private parts are."
Excited murmurs came from girlish throats.
"Without wishing to reveal anything..."
The murmurs turned to howls of dismay.
"Without wishing to reveal any more details of my unusual endowment, I can tell you that it measured just over nine inches in length when I was five years old. That was erect, of course."
Nods from the girls, as tears flowed down their cheeks. "Oh, of course, of course...!"
"When it was soft, it was very much smaller. Only just over four inches."
Serena nudged Muriel. They were both multiplying that latest figure by four hundred and fifty per cent, and wildly guessing at how big he must be now, so many years later.
Muff held up his envelope. "I would just like to thank you for this award, and any others I may collect today. Thank you."
He made to leave the stage, but the judge whispered to him again, and he backed away to stand at one side, ready to collect the rest of his prizes.
For Muriel and Serena, it was a living nightmare, as the awards for Categories D, E, F, G, and I (Female) went in rapid succession to Lulubelle, who was revealed as the girl with the hairiest, meatiest, juiciest, wettest and stretchiest pussy in the school. The boys lapsed into sullen humiliated silence as Muff received the award for Penile Length (Erect) by a clear margin of eleven inches over his nearest (and hung like a stallion) rival.
Still, the big one hadn't been awarded. Sheer Breast Size was what really mattered to Muriel and Serena. And one look at that great streak of bacon, Lulubelle, was enough to show that while she might have areolae like dinner plates and nipples bigger than champagne corks, her tits themselves were clearly pitifully small. They waited, stunned but not entirely without hope as Lulubelle collected Longest Clitoris (two point three inches) and Muff walked off with Male Ejaculation (Quantity, Quality and Distance � Measured Vertically) as well as Recovery Time. The judge clamped her trembling knees together and fluttered her eyelashes at him as she described his four minutes, seventeen seconds as 'phenomenal'.
It was evident that the judge was saving the best for last.
"I'll kill her, that bitch," muttered Muriel.
"You appointed her! We could have done the judging ourselves."
"They'd never have let us get away with it. We're going to win the Sheer Breast Size fair and square!"
"We? Only one of us can win, Moo, dear!"
"It might be a tie..."
"And now, finally, the award for Sheer Breast Size! Female," she added as an afterthought, bringing a nervous giggle of anticipation. We received a record two hundred and forty nine entries in this category, many of whom can have had little hope of victory."
"All that money!" gasped Muriel. "Even after the prizes have been taken out, our administration fees will make us rich!"
"I'll settle for the prize money," said Serena grimly.
"As expected, there was an extremely closely fought battle between two of our Senior girls. I am sure you all know who I mean." The judge lowered her paper and spoke directly to the rapt audience. "A word here about our measuring technique. We made the decision not to use the conventional inches here, as it might have given a false reading, perhaps giving the award to a very firm-breasted girl who was larger in circumference..."
Muriel nudged her rival...
"Or possibly to a girl who could increase her apparent measurement by bending over and allowing her excessively pendulous breasts to hang down a long way..."
Serena jabbed an elbow into Muriel...
"We therefore used the Archimedes Principle, measuring the breasts by displacement of ... warm ... water. In the end, as it transpired, the award did go to a girl with extremely pendulous breasts."
"Yesss!" Muriel clenched her fist and thrust it in the air...
"In fact, the most pendulous breasts we have ever seen..."
Serena collapsed again, and failed to hear the judge's next words...
"The award winner is, in fact, so well-developed that she has not worn a bra for three years." An expression of alarm and confusion spread across Muriel's face. "She is so sensitive about her extreme pendulousness that she asked me not to reveal her bust measurement. However, mere inches would not give a true indication of this girl's staggering breast development. I know she will be upset when I tell you that her last brassiere, three years ago, was a size 32 Y-cup. The girl was so embarrassed by the prospect of starting around the alphabet for the second time that she has refused to wear a bra ever since. And so, allow me to present our winner, by a clear margin over her nearest rival of one thousand, nine hundred and forty-nine cubic centimetres, was ... Lulubelle Donaldson!"
Muriel collapsed on top of Serena...
Lulubelle's eyes never left Muff's as she lowered her skirt. With an audible slurp, she placed her right foot delicately on the cistern. Her curiously large panties had already been discarded and now lay seeping a pool of viscous fluid on to the tiled floor of the Girls' toilets. Muff felt himself reach his full staggering penile extension as he watched Lulubelle undressing. She always had this effect on him. Her gigantic stretch-marked breasts swayed and wobbled, rebounding off her thighs � like balloons two-thirds filled with heavy lubricating oil � as she got rid of her blouse and worked her skirt up over her shoulders and her head. So vastly swollen and so pendulous were her bottom-heavy danglers, she was normally forced to wear them hanging down inside her skirt, tucked into the elasticated legs of her panties to stop them flopping out below her skirt when she walked. As the judge had told the school, she hadn't worn a bra for three years, and that had been on the special occasion of her Uncle Bertrand's funeral, on which occasion she had serviced an unspecified but substantial number of mourners behind the Chapel of Rest. They still talked about it in that part of Belgium.
But now, at last, she was naked apart from her white socks and hair ribbon. With one foot off the floor, her breasts hung one on each side of her skinny raised leg. She sighed with frustration and lifted her massively gelatinous left breast with both hands and dumped it out of the way of her genitalia, which were already dribbling creamily in anticipation.
Muff watched her as he stepped closer, his thunderous prong bouncing ahead of him like a jouster's lance. Those gargantuan award-winning areolae, those so well-chewed nipples in matching dark brown! With a sticky little wet sound, Lulubelle's fat, wrinkled, glistening purple-brown labia unfolded themselves from the impenetrable rain forest of her by-no-means-unexplored pubic jungle to dangle under their own mind-boggling weight, dribbling strings of slithery cream as they slowly extended to their full length. Her glistening clitoris seemed to be trying to pulverise its own record, thrusting outwards and downwards, rivalling many a boy's immature manhood.
Not, however, rivalling Muff's. He slid his first nine inches into her without resistance, then Lulubelle chewed her lower lip as he eased deeper and deeper into her slick, bottomless tunnel. Within seconds, her cries rang out in the echoing cubicle as seemingly gallons of her lubricating juices poured down around the massively thick column of his intruding shaft. She whimpered softly, working her narrow hips until he was inside her right up to the hilt. Their loins gleamed with Lulubelle's copiously seeping, flowing, gushing, cascading love-juices. Archimedes might have had something to say about it all.
But wait! This was just a quickie, to get them off the mark, and they came within seconds of each other, before remaining locked, hugging and shuddering with love and giggles.
"We're breaking all the school rules," she breathed, dabbing wet little kisses all over his face.
"Not all of them. Only the one about kissing on school premises."
"Kissing?"
"I bet there isn't a rule about copulating standing up in the Girls' toilets!"
"You mean there might be a rule about doing it lying down?"
"No, I doubt if they'd thought of that, either. They can't do anything to us, anyway. We're the School Champions at Everything..."
"We cleaned up..."
"How much did we win," he asked her.
Lulubelle punched him playfully on the shoulder, the effort milking several more cubic centimetres of life-giving semen from Muff's still-pulsing joystick. "You're obsessed with money, you are!"
"I'm not! How much was it, anyway?"
"Hundreds," she sighed dreamily, feeling herself involuntarily clenching on his already re-hardening probe. "Hundreds each! Between us, we won every category. Hey, you! You're not supposed to be able to get it up again for four minutes and seventeen seconds! It's just the thought of our winnings giving you another erection!"
"The thought of you carrying our baby, that's enough to give me ten erections all at the same time..."
"You'd better make the most of it, then. A few more months, and you won't be able to get near me for my belly and tits."
"I'll grow a few more inches, specially..."
"A few more feet might be nearer the mark. Imagine how big I'll be with these monsters resting on top of a great big baby belly."
Muff thought about it and exploded inside her. Not literally, of course, but not far short of it.
"Woooh! Once more, then it will be time to go back to classes. They'll all be staring at me. And I'll be leaking cum all afternoon! I sit next to the radiator, remember. I'll stink the whole place out!"
"Don't say that, or I'll be climbing on top of you in the middle of English Literature."
"That ought to get them all going nicely. Even Miss Anstruther. I bet she's still a virgin."
"Are you ready for another pint or so, then?" His elephantine erection had reached such a size it was almost lifting Lulubelle clear of the floor. "And promise we'll do it again on the school bus, okay?"
"Of course! In the back seat. Twice. With my tits up over my shoulders out of the way. Then we'll count all the winnings tonight in my bedroom. Hey, I've never been in the public eye so much in such a short time! Everybody staring at us, trying to see my tits through all my clothes. They couldn't work out where they were!"
"They couldn't work out how such a fat girl could have such skinny arms and legs..."
"You do say the kindest things, Mr Diver!"
"Hey, you never told me about the reason you stopped wearing a bra."
"You never asked me," she pouted. "I didn't think you'd be interested. I must have had at least a sixty inch bust by that age. Of course, if I don't tuck them into my panties, they hang down past my knees by now! Boys aren't really interested in stuff like that, are they?"
"I don't suppose so. I must be a bit unusual." He ejaculated in her again, more or less en passant. "Anyway, it was one in the eye for those two bitches in the Senior class."
"Yeah! Specially right at the end when the judge realised she'd forgotten the last two prizes. And everybody was getting ready to leave, and she turned over the page and told them all to stay right there..."
"And she read it out..."
Lulubelle giggled, which had a remarkable effect on Muff's still-buried shaft. "The special awards for the non-Senior Girl with the Biggest Tits and the non-Senior Boy with the Biggest Cock..."
"Lulubelle Donaldson..."
"...and Adrian Diver...!"