BE and History, The Knights of the Round Author's note: While my studies indicate that the Arthurian legends are largely mythical, they are almost certainly have some basis in fact. It is unclear whether a king named Arthur actually existed. It is possible that Arthur is a combination of several kings who ruled during the Dark Ages in old England. However, that does not detract from the power and majesty of the Arthurian legends. I have taken some liberty to interweave the historical fact with some elements of fantasy, if only to capture the spirit of the times. This story is a continuation of my historical series in which I hope to bring history alive to the reader of BE fiction. It is my hope that this series will prove entertaining and educational, and foster in the reader a love of scholarship and learning. [ I do have one errata from my earlier work in this series, "BE and History: The Ancient Greeks." In that story, I referred to the place of governance in ancient Greece as the "Heliopolis". In fact, Heliopolis was a city in Ancient Egypt; the correct term for the seat of governance in Anicent Greece was the "Acropolis." I apologize for any confusion this error may have caused. ] ----- Part I: The Castle Loralyn stood in the large crowd that had gathered before the castle. Her sharp eyes roamed over the crowd. She brushed a strand of her black, luxurous hair from her eyes and tucked it behind her ear. Rough peasants, canny yeomen, and armed soliers milled about, anxiously awaiting for the heralds' trumpets to sound. Finally, with a tinny blast, the heralds blew their horns. The milling crowd grew still, expectantly. Loralyn climbed up on a wooden crate to get a better view. More than one person in the crowd noted her clear, almost porcelin-like complexion as her features focused in keen concentration on the castle walls. A tall figure in black armor, a heavy sword swinging at his side, strode to the center of the large wall above the heavy porticullis that protected the entry to the main keep. He held his helm tucked in the crook of his left arm. When he reached the center of the wall above the gatehouse, he turned to face the people. He regarded the crowd with a dark expression from beneath bushy black eyebrows that raised and lowered as his eyes swept back and forth over the people gathered there. A murmur arose among the crowd. A man in a leather cap shouted out, "What can you tell us of the capture of King Arthur?" Loralyn seached the crowd to see who had spoken. More voices joined in, and soon all were shouting out their questions at once. The figure in armor raised his hand, and soldiers raised their spears threateningly. The crowd cowered, and grew silent. The figure spoke. "People of England! I, Prince John, have come before you to tell you of Arthur's fate! King Arthur has been captured in his crudsades against the heathen, and is even now being held for a King's ransom!" The crowd gasped as one. "Therefore, I will rule in his stead, until we can pay the ransom and have him returned." This was met with a dark grumbling. "But the affairs of state have been lax in Arthur's abscence, so it is time for me to tighten the reigns, and bring the ship in to port. "First, all taxes shall be doubled!" Another loud gasp swept through the crowd. Someone shouted out, "Booooo!" "Madness!" "Boooo!" "Down with Prince John!" The Prince held up a hand. "Second! soldiers will be quartered in your homes in order to keep the peace!" The crowd responded with even more "Booooooos!" "Evil one!" "Wait till Arthur hears of this!" "Do you feel lucky, punk?" The Prince stepped forward, and leaned over the battlements. "Third! I am revoking your God-given right to bear arms!" The crowd roared with disapproval. "BOOOOOO!" "Villan!" "Down with Prince John!" "Scoundrel!" The Prince reared back, and glared at the crowd with undisguised contept. "Fourth, henceforth, the enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall indeed be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people!" The crowd raged back it's fury, mixed with a few "huhs?" "And finally...." said the Prince, a dark shadow crossing over his face menacingly, "from this day forward, all women of Englad shall be required to stuff their bodicies with cloth so that they appear to be at least two cup sizes larger." The crowd grew still. A small voice said, "Cool... ow! I mean, booooo!" "Yeah... boo." "Damn. That's harsh, dude." "You da man." Loralyn scrambled down from the crate as the unruly crowd began to disperse. Her brow furrowed, and she pulled open her white blouse and gazed down at her trim figure. She was extremely sparse up top... but still, this was villany! This abuse of power could not go unanswered long. As she pushed her way through the crowd toward her home, she could hear Prince John on the battlements throw his head back and laugh evilly. The sound seemed to ring through the streets of old London. Loralyn rushed home, and found her friend Marilee sitting in front of her house, preparing a meal of sausages and potatoes. These were the staples of the Briton's diet in those days. Capped off with an ice cold glass of milk, this was the standard fare enjoyed by citizens of Britan, from early Roman times to this very day. Marilee stood, pulling her fair, wavy hair up into a pony tail. "Loyralyn! What news have you? You are all out of breath!" Loralyn nodded, her delicate features serious. "Yes! I have just come from the castle where that evil Prince John brought news that Arthur has been captured and is being held for ransom! Also, we must stuff our blouses with cloth in order to appear more buxom!" Marilee's eyebrows shot up. She looked down at her slim, featureless chest. "Well, that may not be altogether bad...." "No! Don't you see! This is barbarism! Today the Prince orders us to stuff cloth in our blouse, tomorrow he may order us to become instantly pregnant with a thousand babies! This despotism must stop!" Marilee nodded in grim understanding. "We must find a hero who can help us resist this villany. Let's us away to the forest of Sherwood to find what rough but heroic folk there may be to help us in this time of peril." "Yes," said Loralyn. "But we cannot travel like this! As flat as you and I are, if soldiers spy us, they will know right away that we are not stuffing our blouses. We must disguise ourselves as boys so we may travel in safety!" "Of course! In disguise!" cried Marilee. The two clapped their hands and jumped up and down, shrieking with delight. "Hurry, for when you see me next, I shall be young master Maril." "And I shall be young master Lorin!" ----- Part II: The Road to Nottingham The high road to Nottingham has been ravaged by it's share of brigands in it's day. But the Knights of the Round Table, Arthur's hand-selected group of the fiercest and wisest warriors in the kingdom, had long ago cleared away the troublesome robbers and sent them packing to Ireland, where they belonged. The road was not without peril, however, so the two who appeared to be young men travelling to the town of Nottingham, kept a close eye out for trouble. "Well, master Maril, all seems to be safe so far," said Loralyn. "Aye. Fair skies and safe travel today, master Lorin," said Marilee, tucking a strand of fair hair back into her cap. Suddenly, atop the rise in the next hill, a small troop of soldiers appeared. They quickly rushed down to where the two youths stood in the middle of the road. "'alt in the name of Prince John!" cried the leader of the soldiers. The soldiers carried long halbreds, a pole weapon with a razor sharp axe-head on the top, and a hooked bill on the back for pulling mounted combatants off their horses. Despite the popularity of the sword in fiction, in fact the halbred was the mainstay of the British troops until quite recently, and the invention of the rifle. The soldier planted his feet and glared down at the two travellers. "Now, where are you two 'eading?" Loralyn cleared her throat. "Why, we are two young men making our way to the town of Nottingham. Where we hope to find work." "Yes," said Marilee. "Perhaps killing things, or beating people up. Man's work." "Well," said the captain of the soldiers, "it's a good thing that you are two brave young men, alright. For to find women about 'o 'aven't stuffed their blouses is punishable by death." He narrowed his eyes. "By order of Prince John." The rage boiled up in Marilee. She stamped her little foot, and was about to cut loose, but Loralyn quickly spoke. "Well, then it's a good thing that we are two young men. Otherwise we would be in grave danger from you big, strong enforcers of Prince John's law." The captain's toothless smile broadened. "Do you think so? Say -- are you sure you're young men? I would 'ate to think that you were women disguised as boys. We'd have to kill you!" The soldiers around him chortled gleefully at the thought. "Yep," said Marilee, a bit nervously, "just boys." The captains face took on a wicked leer. "Well, in that case, let me ask you a question...." He leaned forward. "'ave you ever been in a Turkish sauna?" His face broke out in a lewd grin as his eyes caressed "master Lorin's" boyish figure with undisguised lust. Before the two could answer, however, there came a singing noise, and an arrow tip burst through the captain's forehead. Bits of brain matter sprayed forth, splattering noisily on the road. He surged forward and fell to the ground, with blood bubbling out of his mouth, his limbs jerking spasmodically as the life drained out of him. The other soldiers raised their halbreds and began looking for the attackers in the forest around them. But there was no one to be seen. Suddenly, there was a flash of green, the singing of an arrow, and one of the soldiers fell to the ground screaming, grasping at the arrowshaft that protruded from his left eye socket, with the eyeball dangling from the point. Another soldier spun around, spraying blood is a wide circle from a gaping hole in his neck. Yet another soldier wept and coughed up gouts of blood as he tugged desperately at the the three arrow shafts protruding from his chest. He struggled in vain, though, and tumbled lifeless to the darkening dirt at his feet. Several other soldiers clambered desperately up the hill as their blood and entrails left a grisly trail behind them. The last soldier threw down his halbred and yelled out sheepishly, "Prince John is a fink!" A calm silence descended on the road. He glanced about, nervously. The woods were still. There was no sign of motion in the trees, except a slight swaying of the tree limbs in the breeze. Several birds resumed their chirping. The soldier sighed heavily, and grinned with relief. Then came a flurry of arrows from nowhere and spelled out a big "L" on his back. The two youths stood gape-mouthed at the blood-soaked clearing before them. Suddenly, a tall, handsome man with a goatee came running briskly from the trees. He smiled broadly. He was dressed all in green from head to foot, and the midafternoon sun gleamed on his teeth. He held a sturdy longbow in one hand, and had a quiver full of arrows strapped to his back. Both Loralyn and Marilee gasped loudly. "I say," said the man. "Cheerio. Bit of a tight spot, what? Seems to be all taken care of now." He looked the two over, then glanced around keenly. "Sir Robin of Loxley at your service." He bowed deeply. Loralyn and Marilee gasped again. "Robin Hood!" cried Marilee. The tall man's look darkened, and a deep voice came from behind them. "The boss don't like to be called that," the voice said. "People forget he's a noble." The two turned to find an enormous mountain of a man standing before them. "Hi," said the man. "I'm John Little, but you can call me Little John." Then he muttered sourly, "...everyone else does." Another merry man walked up beside the enormously tall man. "And I am Will Scarlet. Welcome to Sherwood forest." Robin of Loxley stepped forward. "Yes! Perhaps you can join our band of merry men! We steal from the rich to give to the poor! Come and dine with us, we will make merry until the small hours of the morning!" Loralyn spoke. "We have no time for that, kind sir! We are here to oppose Prince John and his evil rule, and to find a way to release King Arthur from his captors. We are ... ah ... two young men looking for heros to aid us in opposing Pince John and his hideous rules, especially the stuffing the blouse thing." Marilee made a face, "Yeah. That's just disgusting." Loralyn stuck out her tounge. "Yeah, blech." Robin said, "Well just between us men, I have to admit that's not such a bad one. I mean, nothing like a little padding up top to get the jucies flowing, eh?" The two youths regarded him with horrified expressions. "I mean," continued Robin, "cloth is a poor substitute for real breast flesh. Soft, creamy flesh, swelling and growing. Pushing up, straining against bodice laces...." The two youths had become quite pale. "The laces straining and stretching. Tigher and tigher as the soft breasts expand. A moaning noise as the size gets closer and closer to the point of explosion. BANG! Bursting out and jiggling freely in the fresh air! Wow! I'm glad it's just us guys here having this little chat." He chuckled, shaking his head. "Man, Maid Marion would be *pissed* if she heard me talking like this." "GOT YOU!" cried the captain of another troop as he leapt upon Robin Hood from behind. Quickly a group of soldiers rushed up. It took six of them to restrain Robin and his mighty thrashing. "Will! Little John!" cried Robin Hood as the guards bound him. But the merry men had already beaten a hasty retreat. Then he looked at the two youths. "Why didn't you *tell* me...." Loralyn huffed. "Maybe you were just a little too wrapped up in your fantasies to pay attention. Too bad." Marilee put her hands on her hips and added, "Why don't you tell your little stories to your buddy Prince John?" Robin's eyes widened. "Wait -- you're not boys at all! You are women disguised as boys!" He struggled against his bonds. "Dammit! Captain, get those two! They are women flagrantly violating Prince John's command!" The captain stepped forward. "'ere, 'ere. Just ignore him. Obviously deranged. Why don't you boys swing by the castle later. I'm sure the Prince would be more than 'appy to give a reward for assisting us in capturing this dangerous criminal." Then nodding and turning, the captain and his troop led the cursing and sputtering Robin Hood down the road toward the castle. Suddenly, Loralyn slapped her thigh. "By Jove, that gives me an idea!" "What?" asked Marilee. "We've been going about this all wrong!" She leaned forward and whispered into Marilee's ear. Marilee broke out in a broad grin. ----- Part III: Perils in the Magical Forest It was well known throughout the land that Arthur weilded the magical sword Excalibur. What's more, the scabbard of Excalibur was enchanted, so that anyone who wore the scabbard of Excalibur was impervious to injury, and could not be felled in mortal combat. Which kind of makes one think that maybe the scabbard was the thing to have, screw the sword. At any rate, Arthur had won Excalibur when he was a young boy, then a meek servent boy named Wart. Years before, the mighty Uther Pendragon, who was in fact Arthur's father, had driven Excalibur into a great stone, and proclaimed that whoever could pull the sword from the stone would be King of all England. As fate had it, the young servant Wart tugged on the sword and it popped out like it was greased. Immediately, all the great knights of the land rushed forward to kill Wart and take the sword, but he had the scabbard and couldn't be wounded, so pretty soon they all gave up and swore loyalty to him. Years later, as Arthur grew in power and wisdom, he came upon a magical lake. The lady of the lake, Nimrue, called to Arthur. When he approached, the Lady of the Lake rose from the water and gave him the mighty sword Excalibur. Which she got at some point. Somehow. This, then, was where Loralyn and Marilee were headed now. Because if anyone could understand the plight of the women of England, it would be the mystical Lady of the Lake. But the magical lake was in the land of faerie, and could not be found on any map. So the two, still disguised as boys, wandered through Sherwood forest. Soon they became hopelessly lost. The dark shadows and creepy noises that wafted through the forest brought a chill to the two youths. They were startled as the day drew to a close, and the shadows grew long. Then, just as the sun started to fall behind the hills, a figure appeared before them. They shrieked and clutched each other in fright. "Well," said the pale figure before them, "What have we here?" There was a beautiful woman before them, with skin as pale as the clear sky. Her bright green eyes regarded them with a daunting intensity. She wore a dark robe with a multi-colored sheen to it, that seemed to swirl in defiance of the laws of physics. What's more, she floated a good two feet above the floor of the forest. "Who are you?" cried the young women in unison. The woman smiled. "I am Morgan Le Fay. I am the sworn enemy of Arthur. He has laid with me, and I have born his child, the mighty Mordred, who will one day try claim the throne of England from Arthur following a mighty battle. Though in this battle they both die. And who are you?" Loralyn stepped forward. She cleared her throat, and spoke in a deep voice. "We are two young men seeking...." Morgan Le Fay raised a hand, and Loralyn stopped. "Young men, eh? You should know better than to try to decive one of the fey folk." She got a wicked grin and snaped her fingers, twice, sharply. Loralyn hunched forward, grasping her chest. Something was happening there. She felt a pressure, and begin fumbling with the buttons of her jerkin. Marilee stepped forward. "Loralyn, what is it?" Loralyn straigtened, and gasped. Where once there were but small nubbins of breasts, now there were two soft, fair-sized mounds. Marilee gasped. "Wow! You grew! They look so soft! Can I touch them?" Loralyn nodded, and unlaced her jerkin. Marilee reached up under her blouse and touched the firm nipples gently. Then she spread her hands to rub the mounds of flesh. "They're so soft," she said. "How does this feel?" Loralyn's eyes grew dreamy. "Mmmmm.... feels good." "Enough!" Cried Morgan Le Fay. "We can have more fun later, but first, you must tell me what you seek here in the forest." Marilee spoke. "We are... uh... two young women disguised as boys looking for the Lady of the Lake, Nimrue." Morgan's expression grew stern. "And why do you seek Nimrue?" Loralyn spoke, still kneading her new breasts with curiosity. "Prince John has taken over the kingdom in King Arthur's absense. We have a plan that might stop him and restore Arthur's rule if we can find the lady of the lake...." "Stop him?" asked Morgan, incredulous. "Didn't I mention that I am the sworn enemy of Arthur? Ya, I think I did." She threw her head back and laughed, sounding tinkles throughout the forest around them. "I'm afraid I can't allow that to happen. In fact, I think I am going to have to put an end to your journey right here." She raised her arms, and floated another foot into the air. She began to speak an incantation. "In mes graken to wolds waer, ra pey ovfa brig two brom...." Loralyn felt it first. Her eyes darted down to her chest, which had began to grow again. She gasped loudly. Marilee gasped, too. Quickly, she unbuttoned her jerkin and shrugged it off. Then she pulled her blouse off over her head. Already her breats were large enough to bobble and shake with the motion. Loralyn had sat down on the soft grass, and was massaging her expanding bosom. She too, had shed her top, and was sitting with just her leather pants and boots. Her long, black hair was down, and the falling sun fell seemed to shine on the fair skin of her chest. Her breasts we filling rapidly, now bigger than what she could hold in her hands. Marilee was getting larger by the moment as well. She was walking around in a small circle, holding her breasts and moaning. Her cap fell off, and her fair tresses fell down around her bare shoulders. Loralyn leaned forward; her breasts expanding and swelling to fall into her lap. Then they swelled and grew fuller, larger. They pressed against her thighs, began to reach toward her knees. Marilee lost her balance and stumbled forward. When she pushed herself up on all fours, her enormous breasts reached down to the soft carpet of grass. Morgan continued chanting, her hands weaving through the air before her. "In mes graken to wolds waer, ra pey ovfa brig two brom...." Loralyn could no longer put her arms around her breasts. They had overflowed her lap & were spilling out onto the ground on both sides. As she rubbed them, she jerked and twitched as if the skin was particularly sensitive. Her dark hair flew out in all directions as she threw her head back and moaned loudly. Marilee was still on all fours, her soft, wavy hair obscuring her face. The skin of her huge breasts was taking on a shiny appearance, and begining to grow taught. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "They... they... are getting too big!" Loralyn's breasts were still soft and growing. Even larger than Marilees, they blaketed her lap and covered her knees. And still she grew. "Marilee?" looking over at her friend, who's breats were rapidly becoming spherical. "Are you ok?" Marilee grunted. "Too tight... too much pressure." She awkwardly flopped over on her side, then onto her back. Her hair flowed out to cover the forest floor around her. "I feel like... like...." Still Morgan chanted, making her mesmerising gestures. "In mes graken to wolds waer, ra pey ovfa brig two brom...." Now Loralyn's breasts were growing taught. They too, were becoming more spherical as the pressure increased. Loralyn flopped back onto her back, and her breasts flopped to the side like two slighly deflated globes. Globes that were rapidly inflating. Marilee groaned loudly. She kicked her slim legs helplessly. "Ohhhhh! How much more? Getting.... too... big....." Loralyn gasped, "How much more? When will it stop?" Morgan paused long enough to say, "Why, until you both...." "Explode?" came a deep voice. The women craned their necks, and could vaguely make out a white-haired, robed figure entering the clearing. The deep voice started an incantation they could not make out. "Merlin!" cried Morgan Le Fay. "Blast you, let me have my fun and make these two explode!" But Merlin continued chanting. Soon the women realized he was chanting Morgan's incantation, only backwards. Morgan started chanting louder, and faster. Marilee's eyes shot wide open. The pressure in her breasts was incredible. They were two huge, pale spheres now, with the hard points of her nipples pointing at the sky. "Oh! Oh! Merlin! Help me! I'm about to....." Suddenly Morgan Le Fay cried out. The women craned their necks to see, but could only make out Morgan grasping her chest, and turning to flee. A rush of wind blew past them, and soon the clearing was calm again. It did not take long, with Merlin's magical workings, before the two women were back to normal. Well, almost back to normal. Marilee noticed with a frown that she couldn't quite button the last button of her jerkin. But still, Merlin had saved them both from a grisly explosion of breast flesh. Loralyn was also noticing she couldn't button her jerkin all the way. "Thank you, Merlin. You saved our lives." Merlin nodded sagely. "It was my pleasure, young lady. When I came upon the clearing, and came to realize what Morgan intended to do, I had to intervene." Loralyn nodded, and brushed a strand of hair back. "Oh. How long were you there?" Merlin blushed slightly. "Uh... I... well... I acted as quickly as possible. It was lucky I came right at the nick of time. A few seconds more and all would have been lost." He grinned sheepishly. Marilee nodded, and didn't notice the dark look Loralyn shot Merlin. "Hey! Maybe you can help us. We are seeking...." "The Lady of the Lake Nimrue. Yes, I know. But it is still not clear to me what you plan to do." The two women exchanged a glance. "It's a girl thing," said Marilee. "But we'd really appreciate it if you could help us." Merlin nodded greatly. "Of course," he said. "I have been by Arthur's side, teaching and assisting him for almost his entire life. I will do anything I can do to help him and keep the high standards he has established at the court of Camelot." "Camelot!" said Loralyn. "Camelot!" said Marilee "Er... yes. But what you seek... the Lady Nimrue... is right before you." He bowed and waved a hand. Through the trees, bathed in the light of the full moon that made it almost as light as day, was a broad, shimmering lake. Both the women leapt up. Calling out a "Thanks, Merlin!" over their shoulders, they raced toward the lake. ----- Part III: The Lady of the Lake The lake was bathed in soft moonlight, and it's banks had a misty, unreal quality. There was a small island in the center of the lake where the mighty Holy Grail resided that Aurther had spent years looking for. But despite the broad hints and hand-waving of the Lady of the Lake, Arthur never figured it out. Only the pure and virtuous knights Galahad, Percival, and someone else would piece together the riddle, and recover that precious treasure. The women stood on the edge of the shimmering lake, looking out over the water. They smiled broadly. "Lady of the Lake!" called out Loralyn. "Where are you?" "Yes!" called out Marilee. "We've come to you seeking help!" There was no sounds but the gentle lapping of waves on the soft sand. "Lady of the Lake! Arthur has been captured, and...." "...is being held for ransom." The voice that finished the thought seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. It had the quality of dreams and moonlight to it. Then, there was a gentle splashing, and a beautiful maiden rose from the waters of the lake and floated above it. Exposed in the bright moonlight, her skin shifted in gentle hues of white and pale blue, and her cool eyes regarded the two girls with an other-worldly wisdom. "Have you come for the Holy Grail?" asked the Lady of the Lake, glancing at the small island behind her. Loralyn shook her head, and regarded the Lady of the Lake with bright eyes. "Oh, no. This is much more important. Prince John has imposed a number of diabolical rules, including one where we have to stuff our blouses in order to appear more buxom." The waif-figured Lady of the Lake blinked. "Yuck," she said. "That's horrible. What a baboon." Fair-haired Marilee nodded. "Yes, and Loralyn thinks that if we don't oppose him, he may order us to become instantly pregnant with a thousand babies!" The Lady looked shocked for a moment. Then she raised a hand to her mouth and giggled. "That would be a sight!" Loralyn and Marilee giggled too. "Sure! Imagine that!" The three pantomined waddling around with huge spherical bellies, until they fell down giggling uncontrollably. Finally, the Lady of the Lake rose up above the waters. "Very well. I think I know what you must do. Take this stick. It creates the illusion of growth, but as we all know, illusions blind us to the truth. When the Prince is thus blinded, you will have the opportunity to do what you must." Loralyn blinked. "Must...?" The Lady of the Lake nodded slowly, and drew a finger slowly across her throat. Loralyn gulped, and bent to take the white stick that the waves carried to the shore. She regarded it in her hands. "How does it work?" The Lady of the Lake responded, "Wave it at your friend!" Loralyn turned to face Marilee, who now gulped. Loralyn hefted the stick, and waved it at her friend. The result was astonishing. Marilee's chest leaped forward, straining the laces of her jerkin. She began grunting and moaning as the jerkin threatened to blow apart at it's seams. Suddenly, it did. Pieces of leather flew about the shore, and Marilee's enormous bust filled her white blouse. It only held for a moment before bursting into threads, and Marilee's gigantisized breasts flew out into the open night air. Loralyn threw the stick down and ran to her friend. "Marilee!" she cried. "What have I done?" But Marilee was standing, with a strange grin on her face, her mountainous breasts reaching all the way to the ground, the nipples like small fire hydrants. Loralyn stopped and blinked. Suddenly, her vision cleared, and she saw that Marilee was as she was before, small-breasted, her jerkin intact. Marilee was giggling at Loralyn's shocked expression. Loralyn picked up the stick. "Now do me!" ----- Part IV: The Valiant Knights Elsewhere in that same forest, a group of three heavily armored figures trudged through the undergrowth. "Percival!" cried one. "Where the devil are we?" "Um.... well, Galahad, we have been travelling for three days... but with a forest this dense...." "So we are lost." Galahad declared. "Which may be a good thing," declared the third knight. "One must become lost before finding the way to the mystical lands." Galahad nodded. "Just so. Say, there's someone there. Let's ask directions." Before his companions could point out that would symbollically spoil the whole point of getting lost, Galahad strode up to the dark figure. It was a large man, dressed in rags. "I say!" cried Galahad. "Where the devil are we?" The figure turned and rose. Fully standing, it was twice as tall as Galahad. It's ugly deformed face was scarred and dirty. Bones and caked blood clotted it's matted beard. When it spoke, it's voice had a booming, unnatural quality. "Ah!" said the monster. "Knights of the Round! And just in time for dinner!" "Dinner?" asked Galahad. "I say, that's jolly nice of you. What are we having?" Percival crashed through the undergrowth to reach Galahad's side. He leaned forward and whispered in Galahad's ear. Galahad's happy expression grew dark. "So that's how it's going to be then, eh? Tell me, what manner of creature are you?" The monster laughed, gnashing broken and blackened teeth. "Some call me the ogre Graekrakenwalis. I live here in the forest, eating knights and fey folk foolish enough to travel to and from the land of faerie." "Ah," said Galahad. "So we are getting close to our quest. Tell me, what news have you heard?" The monster's laugh resounded through the forest. "I see not what help news can do to my dinner, but all the same, I see not what harm. Arthur has been kidnapped and is being held for ransom." The three knights gasped loudly. "My Lord! Arthur!" The monster chuckled. "Yes, and Prince John has ordered that the women of England must stuff their bodices." His eyes widened as he pictured it mentally. "BLECH!" cried out Sir Galahad. "That's disgusting!" called Percival. "Hm. Stuff them with what? OW!" said the third, as Galahad stomped on his armored foot. Galahad thought deeply for a moment. "Well, if that's the case, then we had better hurry in our quest. Recovering the Holy Grail and bringing God's glory back to the people of England will be the only thing that could possibly save us in this dark time." The monster frowned. "Wait, you're forgetting...." Galahad nodded. "Oh, yes. But that's enough character building for now. Ogre, eh? That's, what, about seventh level?" He turned to his companions, who nodded. "No problem," he said. Then came a mighty battle. Whoosh! Slash! Etc! Etc! When it was done, the ogre lay in uniformly-sized cubes at Galahad's feet. "Onward, friends! To the mystical land of faerie where we shall find the end of our quest!" The three mighty knights soon came to the bank of a mystical-looking lake. There they saw what appeared to be two young boys standing on the shore. One waved a stick at the other, and then took on a shocked expression. The other stood still, hands on hips. Finally the first jumped up and down and squealled with laughter. "It works! It works!" Galahad and his companions stepped forward boldly. "What works?" he asked. The two youths gasped loudly, and turned to face the knights. The blushed furiously. "Oh... my... God," muttered one, face hidden behind a hand. "Did you see that?" asked the other. "See what?" demanded Galahad. "Look here, we are knights of the Round, on a holy quest to find the Holy Grail and bring God's glory to the people of England. Say, what's that?" He peered through the night at a small island in the lake before them. There was something metallic glinting in the moonlight.... The two youths brightened. "Kind sirs!" they cried, "we need your help! We are on a mission to oppose the rule of Prince John. We have the... ah... means to do that, but we could use your help to escort us safely to the castle!" "Yes!" said the fair-haired one. "And your sword will be important... when the right moment comes." Glancing at the other, the youth slowly drew a finger across the throat. Percival stepped forward, peering across the lake. "By Jove, I think I see...." "Very well!" declared Galahad. "We have heard of Prince John's beastly rules, especially the stuffing the bodice thing...." Percival frowned. "Yuck." Loralyn nodded. "How gross." Marilee scowled. "What a creep." Galahad nodded grimly. "Clearly not a man of virtue. I'd wager he also construed the enumerated rights to deny or disparage others retained by the people." Loralyn nodded eagerly. "He did!" Galahad nodded decisively. "Very well. We will escort you two boys back to the castle where we will deal with Prince John once and for all." Percival nodded. "Yes. That would be the wise and virtuous thing to do." "I'll catch up with you guys," said the third knight, stripping off his armor. "Unless I'm mistaken, I think I see...." There followed a loud splash as he jumped in the water and started dog paddling out to the island in the lake. "Onward to confront Prince John!" cried Galahad, unsheathing his sword and raising it high. ----- Part V: The Journey Home Later that night, they made a small fire and gathered around it to settle in for the night. As they lay around the fire, an uncomfortable silence fell. Galahad had the feeling that young master Lorin was seated too close to him, and though they both scootched apart, he still felt the youth's hot presence. Percival was stealing uncomfortable glances at young master Meril, who was doing the same with the powerful knight. Galahad cleared his throat. "Well, time to pack it in," he said. "Sweet dreams, all." Loralyn said, "OK. I'm... I'm really glad we met tonight." Her bright eyes met Galahad's for a moment, and locked. "Yes, well. Ahem. Let's have done with this beastly Prince John once and for all. Then everyone will be a lot better off." Percival was blinking at young master Merill, who was deliberately avoiding his eyes. Galahad stood. For a moment felt embarassed to remove his armor. Then he decided that was silly, what, all good men gathered around a cheery fire. He quickly stripped off his armor and scampered into his bedroll. He looked up to see Percival doing the same. Only after the two knights were asleep and snoring loudly did the two youths undress and scurry into bed. The journey back to the castle was a long one. But the four figures walked steady and sure in the blazing sun. Galahad looked at Percival's armored butt as they walked, then shrugged. Then he gazed as young master Loryn's butt for even longer. He shook his head fircely, and began reciting a fervent prayer in his head. Percival was glancing at young master Merrill out of the corner of his eye. Every time he did, he wanted to breathe in deep to swell his barrel chest, and flex his powerful biceps. Merill, walking beside him but deliberately avoiding his eyes, seemed to be in a similar state of discomfort. As they topped a small hill, master Loryn cried out, "I know where we are! We can take a short cut back to the castle!" They dashed down the hill and broke into a small clearing. They drew to a sudden halt as they discovered a couple seated on a log, holding hands and sharing delicate intimacies. The man, a tall man dressed in all green, cried out, "YOU!" He leapt to his feet, causing the lady beside him to stumble backwards. His hands trembled with rage as he pulled a longbow from the shrubbery and began fumbling with a quarrel of arrows, feverishly trying to extract two at the same time. Loralyn muttered, "Uh oh...." she turned to run, and ran squarely into Galahad's armored chest. Galahad leapt back from Loralyn as if he'd been electrocuted. Percival spoke up quickly. "Uh... well met, Maid Marion! It is Sir Galahad, and I, Sir Percival. We are travelling back to the castle...." The man in green was fuming and muttering. The lady beside him was an elegant lady with luxurous auburn hair dotted with small white flowers. She was dressed in a flowing white dress cut to expose a slight clevage. Confused and flustered, her eyes darted back and forth among the men. "Robin? What is it? Sir Galahad? Is that you?" Robin's hands were shaking too much, so he up-ended the quarrel, scattering arrows on the forest floor. His eyes were wild with fury. "I've never killed a woman before, but then you're NOT women, are you?" He laughed manically as he grabbed an arrow and noched it. Marion looked confused. "Robin... what...?" Robin laughed insanely. "These are the two who sold me down the river. I spent a week in a damn dungeon and was almost hanged except that my merry men shot the rope with a fucking arrow and rescued me. What are the odds on *that*? Well, you know what they say.... PAYBACK'S A BITCH!" Galahad was suddenly consumed with a strange feeling of protectiveness he had never felt before. "Behind me, young master Loryn! See here, Sir Robin! I have always held you in highest esteem, but you are really pushing it this time!" Percival unsheathed his sword and stood before Marilee. "Robin, just put the bow down and nobody has to get hurt here. Just put... the bow... down!" Robin was still shaking with rage, so it was hard to draw a bead on the two youths. Also, the mighty knights blocked his shot. Quickly he glanced at the tree beside them and began calculating angles.... "Watch this shot," he muttered.... "OH!" cried Marion. Robin turned. Percival lowered his sword. Marion's hands were on her chest, which was swelling rapidly. The arrow fell from Robin's bow and onto the soft grass of the forest floor. Marion's bosom swelled inside her white dress, and pushed upwards. Her exposed cleavage squeezed together mightily. Then she breathed hard, once, twice, and the globes of her breasts popped out into the open air. Robin's bow dropped forgotten onto the forest floor. He muttered, "Ay caramba...." Galahad and Percival gave each other a puzzled look. Galahad spoke. "Robin seems to have gone mad. Quickly, let's us away while he is distracted." The four scampered back through the forest the way they came. Robin's sharp eyes left Marion's rapidly inflating bosom only for a moment... he noticed that "young master Loryn" was waving a strange white stick at his Maid Marion..... As the four left the forest, they heard Marion's soft voice. "Oh, Robin!" ----- Part VI: Later that Night Once again they were all settled around a bonfire. "Tomorrow we shall be at the castle." Galahad said. "Hopefully, we have put the adventures of our travels behind us, and our last and final challenge will be to face the depravity of Prince John himself." Percival nodded. "Aye. Storming the castle might be a little tough, though." Loralyn piped up. "Oh, don't worry about that! Maril and I can get us into the castle. You just be ready for the right moment...." All four nodded grimly, and drew their fingers across their throats. Loralyn stood. She didn't notice that a long strand of shiny black hair had worked its way free from her cap. "I have to... uh.... you know...." Galahad found himself blushing. "Oh. Right-O." Marilee stood. "I'll join you!" Percival spoke up brightly. "We'll guard the fire!" Then he winced, thinking, damn, that was a stupid thing to say. The two scampered off into the forest. Galahad turned to Percival. "Tell me, why in the dickens was Robin looking at Marion like that? And why was she making those strange gestures in the air?" Percival just shook his head and shrugged. Later, when all were sleeping soundly, a slim figure drifted toward the fire. The shimmering robe she wore had a strange and multicolored hue. The figure staggered once, as if top-heavy with an unaccustomed weight. She stepped down to the ground, and reached into the small pile of belongings beside the slumbering Loralyn. "What is this? An illusion stick?" She pulled the stick forth. "Why play with illusion when you can have reality?" She drew an identical stick from her sleeve, and laid it on top of Loralyn's clothes. Then, clasping a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter, she drifted silently out of the clearing. ----- Part VII: The Castle, At Last! The small group of four approached the main gate of the castle the next morning. "Well, here goes," said Loralyn. Marliee smiled and gave her the thumbs up. Galahad was squinting at the walls, appraising. "You sure you don't want to just storm it?" Loralyn smiled and walked forward to the gate. Lowering and deepening her voice, she called out, "Hey there! Open up! I have come to recieve my reward for the capture of Robin Hood!" The captain of the guard, his eyes blackened, and a huge bandage on his neck, stepped out toward them. "Ah, the youths on the road! But there's no reward. 'e got away, 'e did." "Got away?" asked Loralyn, her confidence fading. "Does that mean we can't get in?" The guard seemed not to hear her. "'is merry men came for 'im. Standing on the gallows, 'e was. Rope around his neck. Started shoutin' out 'Shoot the guard! Shoot the guard! Not the rope dammit!' That's 'ow we knew 'is men were there. So after four or five shots each, they got lucky and 'it the rope, and down 'e fell. Fought 'is way out, 'e did. Killed 'alf my men!" Thinking fast, Loralyn said, "Well, I know where he is now!" The captain's eyes focused on her. "You do? If true, that's valuable information, it is." "Take me to Prince John, and I will tell you!" Loralyn suddenly noticed the guard staring at her top, which wouldn't quite button after their encounter with Morgan Le Fay and Merlin. She shrugged. "Bee sting." "Awright. Follow me." The knights and Marilee hurried up to catch up with them, and together, they strode into the castle. ----- Part VIII: Prince John "When I decide to kill them, I shall kill them slowly and without mercy!" cried Prince John, dressed in black tights. He pounded a fist on the table before him. "But sire... the dungeons are overflowing with maidens caught without stuffing in their bodices. If we could just put a few of them to death, we'd have room for political prisoners." The Prince stood abruptly and pointed a finger. "Question my orders no more! We have stables, don't we?" The Minister of State nodded sheepishly. "Well, then put the political prisoners in the stables for now. And make another sweep of the city. I could have sworn I saw several flat-chested traitors milling about yesterday." The minister bowed. "Yes, sire." He paused. Considered. Paused again. "Um... pardon me, sire, but where shall we put the horses?" The Prince sighed mightily. "What do I hire you for? Come on people, this is a big country. I can't make every tiny decision for you." He fixed a dark gaze on the minister. "We have barracks, don't we?" "Yes sire.... I shall put the horses in the barracks." He bowed, and turned to go. "AND MAKE ANOTHER SWEEP OF THE CITY!" shouted the Prince as the man scurried out the door. The captain of the guard stepped into the room. "M'lord, I have news. I have found a youth 'o knows of Robin 'ood's whereabouts." The Prince raised his eyebrows. "Indeed? Have you questioned the youth to determine if this is true, or just another trap?" The guard's eyes widened and his mouth puckered. "I see." The Prince closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. "Have the apothocary bring me some asprin. I feel a migrane coming on. Then place yourself under arrest and escort yourself to the dungeon. Schedule your execution for tomorrow." The captain snapped to attention and saluted. "Yes, sire. Awright, come on, you!" He grabbed the lapel of his chainmail coat and dragged himself out the door, blubbering and begging for mercy. The Prince muttered to himself, "He'll probably botch his own execution... again. Incompetant fool. YOU THERE! COME IN HERE!" Loralyn stepped shyly into the room. She held the white stick in her hand behind her back. "Come on, come on. I have a dungeon full of people to kill, I can't stand here all day waiting for you to get over your bout of shyness. And why are you dressed like a boy?" Loralyn straightened, and strode into the room. She turned and waved Marilee and the knights in. They stepped boldly into the room behind her. The Prince cast an appraising look at the group. "Galahad? Percival? I thought you were off hunting the Holy Brail or something." Galahad cleared his throat. "Holy Grail, my lord." "Whatever. Now the captain of the guard told me you know of the whereabouts of Robin Hood." The four shuffled uncomfortably, not meeting the prince's gaze. Finally Percival piped up. "Um... Sherwood forest, my lord." The Prince blinked rapidly. "No," he said. "You're kidding. Here I've had my soldiers scouring every part of England *except* Sherwood forest, and now you tell me that's the one place I should have been looking all along. CAPTAIN!" The captain of the guards, who had been listening outside the door, stepped into the room. "Yes, m'lord!" "Recall our search parties from Sweden. It seems Robin Hood is in Sherwood Forest after all." The captain looked puzzled. "Sweden, m'lord?" "Yes. And reschedule your execution for this afternoon. Now get out." The captain saluted. "Sire, yes, sire!" Again he dragged himself blubbering and whimpering into the hallway. Loralyn stepped forward. "Prince John! I have something to show you." She nodded at Marilee, who stepped forward. Marilee took off her cap and shook her fair tresses free. Loralyn did the same, her long black hair cascading around her shoulders. "Watch this!" Loralyn began waving the stick at her friend. Prince John sighed mightilty. "Idiots and Lunatics. All day long. CAP...." He froze. Marilee's chest was growing. She had a startled, puzzled expression on her face. "Loralyn...." she gasped. Loralyn whispered, "That's great. Keep it up. Let's put on a real show." Marilee murmurred, "but..." Her jerkin was filling once again. The laces began to strain. She moaned loudly, and began fumbling with the laces, trying to free herself. "Loralyn!" she cried. Loralyn, waving the stick, winked at her. Marilee began wimpering and walking in a circle. She reached forward and grabbed a dagger from Percival's belt. Groaning with the pressure building up inside the jerkin, she struggled to cut the laces. She cut through one, and it snapped open with a BANG! She began rocking back and forth, taking deep breaths and pushing her chest out. She cut another lace, and it exploded with a BANG! "Loralyn!" she cried again. She flopped down on the floor, and leaned back, arching her back. The remaining laces gave way with a rapid series of pops. Marilee sighed heavily as her breasts surged forward, freed of their confinement. She shrugged out of the garment. Her nipples hardened and stood out through the fabric of her soft blouse. "Loralyn, stop! This is real!" cried Marilee. Loralyn slowed the waving of her stick, and glanced at Prince John. He stood, frozen, transfixed by the spectacle of Marilee's inflation. His mouth hung open, his eyes wide. Loralyn shouted, "Now, Galahad!" There came a loud clattering as two swords dropped to the ground. She looked over to see Galahad and Percival staring at Marilee, their mouths agape, their gazes transfixed. ----- Part X: The Dungeon "She's a girl." Galahad giggled, and rattled the chains attached to the shackles on his wrists. "Oh, and a cute one, too!" added Percival with a wide grin. He turned his face to itch his nose against his shoulder. "Very cute, indeed." Said Galahad. "A girl!" said Percival. "You know... I looked at your butt. It did *nothing* for me." Galahad giggled. "I did the same thing! Not that you don't have a cute butt." "Oh of course! Just not my cup of tea, thank you very much." "She's a girl!" Galahad rattled his chains again, just to hear the pleasant tinkling noise. "All right, you two. Let's go." A tall bronze-skinned amazon stood in the doorway, a keyring in one hand and a cudgel in the other. She used the cudgel to beat Galahad until he stopped giggling, then unlocked the padlock that held him to the wall. She did the same for Percival. Another dark-skinned amazon dressed in a tight leather guard's uniform joined them in the hall. She poked Percival hard in the gut. "No funny stuff," she said, scowling. "She's a girl," wheezed Percival in response. They yanked the knights chains and shoved them down the hall until they reached a small door set low into the wall. The first guard unlocked the door, and pushed it open. "End of the line, dog meat. Any last words? Well, here's a quarter. Call someone who cares." The two amazons shoved them hard, and the manacled knights toppled into the room. The women yanked them up onto their feet and looped their chains through rings high on the walls. They stood there, naked and shackled in the cold, damp air of the dungeon. "She's a girl!" whispered Galahad. Prince John stepped down into the room. In one hand he held a flickering torch. In the other he held the white stick. He paused to regard the mighty knights, then waved the white stick at them. The knights flinched, but then relaxed as nothing happened. "Wrong genre," muttered the Prince. He walked to the other side of the room, and as the illumination fell there, Galahad cried out, "Loralyn!" and Percival, "Marilee!" Indeed, the two women were strapped spread eagle and naked on large wooden tables on the other side of the room. The tables were tilted so that the knights had a clear view of their slim forms bound fast with leather straps. The women struggled vainly against their bonds. Galahad flushed with shame and excitement, then more shame because he was excited. Then he felt something unusual... he felt himself getting hard. "I'm sorry Loralyn!" he cried out. "Don't worry, I'll get you out of here soon!" Loralyn raised her head as much as the leather strap around her neck would allow. She looked at him with a mixture of terror and hope in her eyes. And something else he didn't quite recognize. Beside him, he heard Percival straining against his chains, to no avail. One of the amazon guards walked up and took the torch from the Prince. She handed him a large white plume. Then she turned and began lighting torches on that side of the room. As the chamber was fully illuminated, it became clear the other wall was in fact the bars of a prison. Inside were packed dozens of young maidens from the streets of London who had been caught without stuffing in their bodices. Loralyn strained against her bonds. "You monster! You will pay for this depravity." Prince John chuckled. "Oh, I think not." He took the plume and brushed Marilee's nipples gently. "How does this feel? Are your enlarged breasts extra sensitive?" Marilee twitched, and moaned loudly. "Ah, it appears so." The prince turned to Loralyn. "No, I don't think I will pay for this depravity, my dear. I think that *you* will pay for this depravity." He leveled the white stick at her, and raised his voice in a commanding tone. "I order you to become instantly pregnant with a thousand babies!" Lorlayn turned to Marilee. "See? I told you." The prince waited, then looked at the stick and shook it. "Idiot magic stick. How do you make it work?" "It doesn't work that way, dear," came a calm and chilling voice. A laugh sounded that seemed to cast tinkles all around the chamber. "Besides, that's sick and disgusting. Wrong genre." A woman floated into view. Her form was tiny, waif-like... except... she had huge mounds of breats. They seemed to throw off her balance, and she swerved more than once floating across the room. "Morgan Le Fay!" exclaimed the prince. "You've... uh... grown!" She sneered. "That damn Merlin and his reverse incantations. He always was a spoilsport. Anyway, the spell will fade with time. These trickers were going to play a trick on you, so I decided to play a trick on the tricksters." She approached the prince. "Because of Merlin and his reverse incantation, I can't use my spell. It just makes me bigger every time I try. So give me the stick. I want to watch these two explode." There were two roars of rage as Galahad and Percival strained against their bonds. The prince nodded toward them, and the amazon guards went to the knights and cudgeled them until they were quiet. The Prince smiled. "You and I want the same thing, Morgan... almost." He began to wave the stick at her. She shrieked. "Stop it! I am already too inflated!" Her hands shot to her breasts. "Stop!" She turned and started floating rapidly to the door. A loud ripping sound came as her unnatural garmet split down the middle. Gasping and cursing, she reached the small door and began to force her way through. It was a tight squeeze, getting tighter. Finally, with a huge GRUNT, she forced her way into the hall. Her voice came from the hallway... "You've not seen the last of Morgan Le Fay, Prince John!" The prince chuckled and regarded the stick. "I like this." He leveled it at Loralyn. "I command you to instantly gain 200 pounds!" Nothing. "Dammit," he muttered. He turned to the women caged on the other side of the room. "All right," he said. "You chose to flaunt my rule. What I ask is simple: that you stuff your shirts to appear more buxom. But apparently, that rule was not clear enough." He turned to the dark-skinned amazon guards standing by the knights. "Don't you think that rule is clear enough?" The two guards grinned and nodded. "Then why aren't your shirts stuffed?" "Who... us?" "Ya... you are women aren't you?" "Well, yeah, but we thought...." "Apparently you didn't think," he said. "Since you don't want to pretend to be more buxom... I COMMAND YOU TO BE MORE BUXOM!" He began waving the stick furiously at them. They both moaned and took a step toward the door, then toppled forward. One of the guards raised herself on all fours, and huge globes of flesh swelled out beneath her. Prince John walked over to the other, waving the stick furiously. He seemed to have amazingly well-developed muscles in his right forearm for some reason; it was like hosing the guard down with a machine gun of magic. He pushed her over onto her back; her swollen breats flopped over onto either side of her. Then he began wafting the plume in large circles over her breasts, simultaneously waving the stick furiously. Her eyes shot wide open; her nipples hardened and shot out erect. Orgasms rocked through her one after another. She twitched and jerked and moaned furiously. Finally he stood and grinned down at her. Her breasts were bloated globes of flesh three feet across, the nipples jutting out several inches. She writhed sensuosly on the floor and moaned, "no... don't stop... more...." "You evil fuck!" screamed Galahad. "I'm going to break free and gut you like a cod!" He strained furiously at the chains. The prince chuckled. He turned to the women behind the bars. They shrank back from him in terror. He smiled. "Well, now it's your turn. You don't want to pretend... so I COMMAND YOU TO BECOME MORE BUXOM!" He waved the stick back and forth across the width of the cell. The women screamed and shrieked. They grabbed their swelling breasts, pushing each other apart. They grew. The cell became a roiling mass of inflating flesh. An oversize nipple flopped out through the bars of the cell and landed noisily on the stone floor. Soft, bloated flesh began to push against the bars of the cell. The women cried out as the pressure inside grew higher and higher.... "Stop it!" cried Loralyn. "You'll crush them all!" The prince stopped waving and walked over to her. "Well, then. I must have my satisfaction. If I don't inflate them all until they are crushed, how will I get my satisfaction?" Loralyn strained at the leather strap around her neck and turned to face him. "I'll do whatever you want," she said. Marilee gasped. "Loralyn, no! He's insane!" Loralyn said, "Let those women go, and I will do whatever you want. I will bear you a thousand babies. Right now." The prince chortled gleefully. "All right, it's a deal. But if you don't keep your part of the bargain, I will be *very* angry." He walked over to where the two amazon guards lay on the floor, writhing and moaning. "Give me the key ring," he said. They just moaned in reponse. "I don't think you can stand to get much bigger, so tell me where it is." "It's right here," said Galahad, holding it in his unshackled hand in front of Prince John's face. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Prince John. "She was going to do the baby thing! Chain yourself back up!" He turned to Loralyn. "You tricked me! Take this!" He waved the wand at her more furiously than he had ever before. His hand and the stick were a mere blur. Loralyn's eyes shot wide open and she screamed. Her breasts jumped to life and blew up with a rapidity that astonished all of them. Her nipples thickened, and stood up. Her breasts swelled. Galahad struggled with the keys to free his remaining hand. Finally he got it free, and he lunged for the prince. His legs were still shackled, however, and he pitched forward onto the floor. But before he hit, his iron grip fell on the prince's arm. The prince spun and struck Galahad with the stick hard. But the battle-hardened knight hardly flinched. Prince John, sensing he was outclassed, twisted his arm free and bolted out the door. Galahad struggled with the manacles on his ankles. When he was free, he turned and handed Percival the key ring. "Free yourself, then free all the women. I'm going after him." He rushed out through the little door. ----- Part XI: The Tower The others freed themselves rapidly, and raced to catch up with Galahad. He was hot on the prince's tail as the prince turned a sharp corner and bolted up a long, spiraling staircase. "He's going up into the tower!" Galahad gritted. He paused long enough to pull down a ceremonial sword that was mounted on the wall. Flimsy, he thought grimly, but then he would only have to use it once. Percival came running up, and Galahad handed him the companion sword. Bare naked, armed, and semi-erect, the two mighty knights charged up the stairs of the tower. They reached the top, but the prince had already barred the door. Galahad began to throw himself against it fiercely. Percival ran back down to find something heavy to smash the door with. Just as he retrieved a heavy mace from an unconcious guard, Loralyn and Marilee came running up, holding the cumbersome load of their breasts in their arms. "Where is he?" gasped Loralyn, out of breath. "In the tower! This way!" Together they raced up the stairs. On the third swing of the heavy mace, the door flew into splinters. The knights charged inside. Prince John was holding the stick, and jumping up and down with glee. "You're just in time!" he cried. "Fabulous view of the city don't you think?" Loralyn stepped forward. "No! Don't do it!" Galahad stepped forward. "Put the stick down, Prince John. It's over." The prince smirked. "Over? Then you are going to commit regicide? I thought you were knights loyal through and through to the crown." Galahad and Percival looked at each other with pained expressions. "No!" cried Marilee. "Kill the evil bastard! He's not king, he's just a prince!" "He's crazier than shit!" added Loralyn. "He's a danger to himself and others!" shouted Marilee. Galahad and Percival dropped their heads and sighed. Galahad spoke. "If it were any other knight of the realm, they would probably end this tyrants' rule here and now. But I took a solemn oath to king and country, and I can't go back on that now." Percival nodded, wiping a tear from his eye. "Me, too." Loralyn crouched close to Galahad, her eyes shiny with tears. "I understand, my brave and loyal knight. And I love you for it." He looked up into her soulful eyes, then took her in his arms and kissed her mightily. Marilee knelt before Percival. "Me, too," she said. He swept her from the floor and smothered her upturned face in hot kisses. Prince John cackled manically. "Well, everybody else has had their fun, now it's time for mine." He leaned out the window and began his furious waving at the city below. One by one came small cries and yelps. Women began to flood into the streets. They pulled the stuffing from their bodices when the pressure became too much. Then they burst their bodices open. All over the city women gasped and moaned as their busoms swelled to unimaginable sizes. "We've got to stop him," said Loralyn. "There's not much I can do," said Galahad. "I mean, he's a prince, I'm a knight. It's not like I can just go over there and kill him." "BUT I CAN!" came a mighty voice from the doorway. It was King Richard the Lionhearted, who had escaped his captors and returned from the crusades! .... .... um... hm. oh, shit. Rather, it was King Arthur, returned from the crusades, with the young Richard, who would one day himself be king, standing behind him. Arthur took the heavy mace from the astonished Percival, and beat Prince John to death with it. "I should have done that years ago," muttered Arthur. "My loyal knights, my champions of purity and virtue, I thank you for defending my realm in my absence. It was a long and dangerous journey for me, and I will tell you all of it shortly. "Also, I'll tell you of the rare and exotic spices we encountered, and the strange effects they had on the moorish women. "But first, I long to know of the quest for the Holy Grail! How goes the search? Sir Galahad the Pure, please tell me that we have completed our holy quest!" Sir Galahad the Pure, sitting buck naked, fully erect, the lithe Loralyn in his lap, also buck naked, her dark hair swirling around both of them, one of his powerful hands tucked into her mountainous clevage, said, "Uh... Grail?" And Sir Percival the Virtuous, buck naked, also fully erect, the fair-haired, tiny-in-all-regards-except-for-her-oversized-coconuts Marilee aloft in his iron-like arms, said, "Grail?" ----- Epilogue: The Epilogue A knight in full armor, his helmet off, his hair dripping wet, ran as fast as his cumbersome armor would allow toward Camelot. In his hand was a gleaming golden chalice, or cup, or grail, or something like that. He did not pause, hardly even noticed, as he brushed past a tall man dressed in all green who was hurrying down the road in the other direction. The tall man was breathlessly singing a little nonsense song that had no particular melody, and he seemed to make up the words as he went along. It went something like: Steal from the rich, steal from the rich, steal from the rich, baby. Give to the poor, give to the poor, give to the poor, my lady. Feeling pretty poor today, so maybe steal from the rich today, and then take some time to play.... In his clever fingers he was twirling a strange-looking white stick. the happyguy always happy, happy always