“And with my final wish, I wish for nerds to get respect!”

“Wish granted,” said the Genie. “A pleasure doing business with you.”

The Genie vanished back into the lamp and Calvin looked down the front of his pants, smiling at what he saw building. He couldn’t wait to get to the bathroom and get a look at his new, irresistible-to-women jumbo-sized erections. He couldn’t wait until he showed it to Bonnie Murphy. Imagining the look on her face as the bulge in his pants overcame the cheerleader’s inhibitions and turned her into a cock-crazy slut finished the progression from big-but-limp to huge-and-hard and threatened his pants’ integrity.

Unfortunately, his sister hogged the bathroom, putting on her make-up. Only this time her nails looked strategically chewed and she wore huge, coke bottle-lensed glasses. On the counter sat a contact case and with his now-perfect vision, Cal could read that they were specially made to distort her eyesight enough to need her glasses. As Cal watched, she applied a pair of fake buck teeth and braces.

And, in accordance with wish two, her breasts, just like the boobs of all women he would meet for the rest of his life, doubled in size—or, as in her case, swelled out to the minimum D-cup. Watching them as they lifted on her chest, firming instead of sagging, was cool, but did the first time have to be his sister?

“Do you mind?” she lisped, glaring at him. “I have a hot date tonight.”

“Oh, not that asshole jock, Nathan, again!”

“Eeew. No! Rupert is taking me to the new Dustin Diamond computer hacker movie. He’s so hot!”

“Rupert?”

“Duh! Dustin! Rupert’s not bad, though.”

“Lovely,” he muttered, headed down to the kitchen for some Frosted Sugar Bombs. “She’s still a fashion whore.”

The Fox fanfare (with the Cinemascope extension) erupted in his pocket. Pulling out his cell phone he answered with, “Yo. Whazzaaaaap?”

“Calvin!” shouted Sam. “We’re all bussing down to Lynwood! Be at the mall in twenty!”

“Uhm… What for?”

“My god! Haven’t you heard? Weird Al was gunned down half an hour ago in a shoot-out with a bunch of east coast COBOL-coding motherfuckers!”

Silence reigned as Cal fell to his knees.

“NOOOOOOOOO!”