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Disclaimer: For those of you who didn't catch on from the pictures at the site this story was posted at, this is adult reading. Don't read this if you shouldn't. By which I mean the story, not the disclaimer. You're not even reading the disclaimer, are you? Hey, I never do either. I should at least mention that the format that follows is not original; I found a guide for science fiction characters in an anthology a few years ago and decided to adapt the idea. Enjoy. A character's guide to BE fiction So you're a fictional character. Exciting, isn't it? You could sail on the Iliad or visit the far corners of the universe. You could reach out and touch-- hey, wait a minute! What's this glass thing? Oh, no! You're behind a computer screen! Then you notice a familiar browser icon at the top corner, and that can only mean one thing. You're in an internet story! You can just sense the bad grammar and spelling mistakes sneaking up behind you, waiting to pounce and turn you into a stereotypical bit character with no plausible motivation or working brain cells. Then you see the category header. "BE Stories?" What the heck's a BE? Why are there stories about it? What fate does the author have in store for you in this tale of BE? Relax. Those two little letters mean that, although you won't be part of an enduring masterpiece, you could have a hell of a lot more fun than anyone in Moby Dick ever did. (Little known literary fact: "Moby Dick" was such a boring job for the characters that many of them deliberately threw themselves to the whale rather than hear the narrator ramble on about the ocean.) Of course, not all of the people in BE stories enjoy themselves. Curious about where you stand or what's going to happen? Just follow this simple guide: STEP ONE: IDENTITY Look down and take note of what type of person you are. This indicates your future in the story. Female, with small breasts: You have a 50% chance of being the main character, and a 100% chance of developing massive breasts by the end of the story. The first rule of BE fiction is that there are no flat-chested women by the final paragraph. How will you acquire gigantic boobs? It could be through science, magic, or alien invaders; it doesn't matter. You will love this transformation, adore your new breasts, and spend a lot of time fondling your new self. A man will fall in love with you after you engulf parts of his body with them. Enjoy! Female, with large breasts: Sorry, you should know that you will not be the main character. The purpose of a naturally large female in a BE story is to remind the flatter female lead how unequipped she is. You will probably be her friend, and she may even refer to your chest when she's wishing for a new one. In about half of these stories you will at least participate in fondling your friend's new body. Female in cheerleading outfit: Nothing but bad news for you. You may be a passive villain, who simply teases the flat-chested girl until the end of the story, when she walks off with your boyfriend, carting her new breasts in a wheelbarrow. Or you could be the more active type, who wants even larger boobs than you already have, and then gets your wish granted in an ironic fashion, which results in you filling up the gym at your particular school. Although this transformation would send the female lead into hour-long spasms of sexual pleasure, you will end up sobbing into your cleavage. Male, small and geeky: You also have a 50% chance of being the main character. Even if you aren't, rejoice! By the end of the story you will have at least one girlfriend past the G-cup range. You also have a good chance of developing strange powers or growing a massive dick. Why? You are the author's personification; everything he's ever wanted to do with women and to women will be played out through you. If you are around a female with expanding breasts, she will have the uncontrollable urge to have sex with you. Even if you're making it happen! Even if it's against her will! She will want you! Then she will fall in love with you because you are a kind and intelligent person. Male, tall and good-looking: For some inexplicable reason, the handsome
guys are always the ones who turn into women. The outcast high-school
boys rarely switch genders, but it happens to confident married men all
the time. Don't let this scare you. The transformation will be erotic
and enjoyable, and afterwards you'll never want to go back. You will spend
lots of time fondling yourself, and you might even join your former wife
for some Hot Lesbian Sex. Your breasts will end up bigger than hers. STEP TWO: THE CATAYLST Okay! Now that you know where you stand, it's time to get the story started. Here's a guide of where you could end up and what it would mean: Female, walking in to Mysterious Corner Shop: There's at least one of these on every block, so it will only take you half a paragraph to find one. Inside will be a wide assortment of jewelry, idols, little glass jars, or lingerie. It doesn't matter; every single item in that shop will cause breast expansion. A dust bunny from a corner sticking to your shoe on the way out is enough to double your bustline. In the middle of all this will be a Magic Shopkeeper, who will sell you a "special" item. Guess what it does? Of course, you're probably wondering why the shopkeeper will give BE-inducing products to regular people like you when he or she could move to Beverly Hills and sell them for millions. Magic Shopkeepers never have very good business sense in these stories. Just take whatever they give you and use it when you get home. Male, walking in to Mysterious Corner Shop: One thing's for sure, you have an under-endowed wife or girlfriend. Not to fear! Explain your awful predicament to the Magic Shopkeeper and they will give you something to remedy the situation. Make sure to ask for extras to "test" on the first girl you meet on the street. Here's a tip, though: the more you make fun of the Magic Shopkeeper, the more powerful the BE-inducing gift will be. Female, working in laboratory: Just think about it! You went through eight years of school, grueling examinations, tough job interviews, and tons of red tape in securing a grant so you could…. Increase milk production in cows. Or you could be working on nanobots or a natural alternative to breast surgery. Again, it doesn't matter: the first rule of science in these stories is that no matter what you're working on in the lab, it will produce BE. The second rule is that you will become a test subject. The good news here is that you will never experience any unpleasant side effects like most medicines or chemicals induce, and, as a bonus, you have a sexy little lab coat for your breasts to outgrow. Male, working in laboratory: Maybe you get along with your female colleagues, but you're too shy to talk to them. Maybe you have a bitchy boss whom you would get along better with if only, you suspect, she turned into a horny slut with huge tits. Either way, good thing you're working on something that gives women big breasts! Whether your intentions are malicious or innocent, making your female colleagues too big to fit through a doorway is a great icebreaker. Trust me. Then after some heavy sex right in the lab, the two of you can get to work on a formula to make your penis three feet long, if it's not already. STEP THREE: PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER By now a good deal of the readers out there are saying "That's it? I scroll all the way through this thing for a freakin' analysis? I could have downloaded another story and been jerking off by now! So, in consideration for those readers, and to allow characters to practice working in a BE environment, I give you the all-purpose… World's Most Condensed BE story: Woman: I wish I had bigger breasts. The end. |