****** Thanksgiving Dinner by Hollywood Hulk Hector ******
===============================================================================

Thanksgiving Dinner

12/11/1998

Normally after every Thanksgiving dinner at my grandfather's, I would head over
to the bathroom and take a nice, long and satisfying shit. As all shits usually
are. Which I'm many sure people would agree. Maybe even, you. Afterwards, I
would go for seconds or watch the game on TV... or both.

I was pretty sure this year would be the same. Sitting at a long dining room
table with my aunts, uncles, cousins, etc., with me consuming large amounts of
turkey, stuffing, rice pudding (I love rice pudding), etc. and guzzling huge
amounts of alcoholic beverages. I drank soda because:

A. It tasted better.

B. I am not a drinker. Never was, never will be.

Then I would get gas from (what I think) the combination of soda and cranberry
sauce. Which, in turn, gave me a tremendous stomach-ache. Then eventually, I
would get that tell tale feeling in my bowels, which would send me off to the
crapper.

Yeah... that's how it was every Thanksgiving at my grandfather's. So, when the
24th came around this year, I was off to my grandfather's. Dodging those little
bitch ass punks that are my cousins and nephews, greeting my aunts and uncles,
brothers and sisters, you know the deal. Well, when it finally came time to eat
I went over to the dining table and sat next to my mom and dad. I saw that this
year they were serving corn. (Another one of my favorites.) They had placed it
next to the sweet potato pie or, was it pumpkin? Anyway, who cares? I never
could tell the difference between the two anyway.

Dinner went the way it usually did, I got a tremendous stomach-ache and I made
my annual Thanksgiving trip to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet reading the
paper, (I always bring something to read just in case I'm there for a while.) I
waited for my sphincter to open up. A sphincter is a butt hole, for you laymen
out there. Sometimes, when I have a hard time cocking I like to splash toilet
water on my asshole to stimulate it into shit. Unfortunately, for me anyway,
this usually happens after I piss in water.

Luckily, I didn't have to do that. As I opened the paper, a tremendous fart
came out of my ass. If someone were standing near the door, I know he or she
would've heard it. Not that I cared of course, for this was the place for such
things. As the fart ended, it felt like a heavy burden had been lifted out of
my stomach. Those farts were always the best because they were nice and smelly.
It isn't that I like smelling anyone else's farts, I don't. I only smell my own
and, what a sweet pungent smell it was. I could almost imagine that the aroma
was a sweet brownish-yellow gas drifting to my nostrils. I took a deep whiff of
that intoxicating smell of mine. That's when the fun part came. Yeah... that's
I felt the first beginnings of one of the best shits I've ever had in my life.

First, it started with the tip poking out of my hole. Then gradually my asshole
widened to accommodate the brown snake coming out my ass. I imagined a space
shuttle at lift off as I shitted. I had turned a page of the newspaper when,
that section of the shit finally came to an end. It ended with a big "sploink"
in the water. So big in fact, that droplets of water hit my ass.

God, that must have been a huge shit. I couldn't wait to see it.

However, the shit wasn't over yet. The "nuggets" were still left. While they
were still nice to shit out, they just didn't compare to the pleasure I got
from that one footer (I'm pretty sure it was) I got out my ass.

After using the toilet paper to clean out my asshole. I looked inside the
toilet bowl to see the fruits of my labor and if that wasn't the biggest piece
of shit I've ever laid out, I'd be hard pressed to remember one bigger. It
looked like a big brown worm. I could see all the nooks and crannies that
defined it's texture. I could see the pieces of corn stuck onto it. I didn't
really smell anything, I guess it's because I became acclimated to it already.

Now we come to the heart of the story. Yep, we come to the corn embedded in my
shit. Mesmerized, I was by the slow, lazy circles my shit made around the
toilet. It went around the toilet drain like the moon orbits earth. I saw the
kernels of buried in the rich, dark chocolate colored feces. It was like gold
nuggets buried in the earth.

Then I decided to do the unthinkable. What does shit taste like? Would the corn
taste the same? For some odd, warped, unexplainable reason I had to find out.
So, I slowly dipped my hand in the toilet water to grab one of the nuggets.

The water was cool and clammy. I started having second thoughts when I heard
the doorknob twisting.

"I'm in the bathroom." I called aloud.

I heard someone say "Oh." The twisting ceased

It's a damn good thing I locked that door. I would've died if someone saw me
like this. Now, it was just me and the nugget. Should I do it. Should I do
something that only the most sick, perverted, disgusting and primitive do? As I
was asking myself these questions I saw that my hand had already taken the
nugget out of the water. Maybe it was because I really wanted to do it...

Ah well, you only live once. I quickly put it in my mouth and swallowed. It
slid down my throat and left my tongue with a bitter and salty taste. I started
to gag and my lurched but, I forced it down and hoped I didn't sick later. Next
I dug out the corn and popped that in my mouth. It didn't go so bad this time.
It went down like any other piece of corn would. I then flushed the toilet,
washed my hands extra clean and put as much mouthwash in my mouth as I could
stand. I wanted to swallow it but, I spit it out because the last time I
swallowed mouthwash I had a stomach-ache for two hours.

After I clean my ass and pulled my pants up, I walked out the bathroom and
vowed I would never eat shit again.

This story is part of White_Shadow's_Nasty_Stories.
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