****** alt.sex.masturbation FAQ ******
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alt.sex.masturbation FAQ

Contents of PART ONE

Q's & A's
1Q. What is masturbation?
2Q. How does a man masturbate?
3Q. How does a woman masturbate?
4Q. How many men/women masturbate?
5Q. Can I masturbate too much?
6Q. My penis goes off at an angle! My vaginal lips look strange. Is this from
masturbating?
7Q. Will my penis get larger/smaller by masturbating it?
8Q. Will I catch a disease from masturbation?
8aQ. Will I make myself sick if I eat my own cum?
9Q. Will I go blind/bald/insane/grow hair on my palms/penis turn black and fall
off from masturbating?
11Q. Can my parents/guardian/spouse/other tell if I've been masturbating?
13Q. Will I lose my ability to perform with a partner if I masturbate?
14Q. Will I become obsessed with masturbation?
15Q. Masturbation is only for people who can't get laid, right?
16Q. Will I burn in hell for masturbating?
17Q. Should I use a lubricant? What kind of lubricant should I use?
18Q. All my friends can masturbate to orgasm but I am unable to. What's wrong?
19Q. What is the normal size of a penis? Is my penis big enough?
20Q. If I jack off with (get jacked off by) my friend of the same sex, will I
become gay (or lesbian)?
21Q. What is (are?) "blue balls"?
22Q. What are poppers?


Contents of PART THREE

Techniques
3.1 Dangers
3.2 Male Techniques
3.2.1 Old Reliable
3.2.2 Not Quite So Reliable
3.2.3 The Rubdown
3.2.4 The Waterfall
3.2.5 The Belly Scratch
3.2.6 Autofellatio
3.2.7 The Squeeze
3.3 Female Techniques
3.3.1 Old Reliable
3.3.2 The Squeeze
3.3.3 The Waterfall
3.3.4 Autocunnilingus
4.0 Toys and Things
4.0.1 Non-sexual Objects
4.0.2 Food
4.0.3 Homemade Insertee Devices
4.0.4 Commercial Sleeves
4.0.5 Dolls
4.0.6 Vibrators
4.0.7 Vacuums
4.0.8 Dildos
4.0.9 Lubes
4.0.10 Jack-off Machines


PART ONE: Q's & A's
(based on a previously existing, anonymously posted FAQ) (revised 8/31/96)

1Q. What is masturbation?

Strictly speaking, masturbation is sexual activity involving only one person.
Masturbation is sexual self-stimulation, often, but not necessarily, involving
manipulation of the sexual organs by hand. In the US this is commonly known as
"jacking off." In the UK the term "wanking" is common. On this newsgroup the
term "jilling off" is sometimes used to mean female masturbation.

"Mutual masturbation" is a slightly incorrect term that means using the hands
to stimulate another person. More correctly, this would be called "manual sex,"
and it is only "mutual" if each partner stimulates the other.

Group masturbation is masturbation in a group of two or more people. This is
sometimes known as a "circle jerk." In a.s.m. "Jacks" applies to clubs or
parties for group masturbation, usually involving only males, "Jack-and-Jill"
is applied to parties and clubs for people of both sexes, and "Jills" would be
the term for parties or clubs for women only. Sometimes group masturbation
involves mutual masturbation and sometimes it doesn't. Organized groups usually
have rules to make clear what is allowed and what isn't.

Historically, alt.sex.masturbation has considered all three kinds of activities
to be on-topic. In general, however, when there is no other clue given, the
word "masturbation" means sex involving only one person.

2Q. How does a man masturbate?

Most commonly the fingers are wrapped around the penis and are used to stroke
the penis up and down until ejaculation. Another common method is rubbing the
penis against something, like a mattress, a pillow, or a sex toy, until
ejaculation. Most male masturbation focuses on the penis, but it is common and
normal for other areas to be stimulated at the same time. 3Q. How does a woman
masturbate?

Most commonly the clitoris is caressed and massaged with the hands and fingers
until orgasm. This stimulation is often accompanied by caressing, massaging,
and touching of other sensitive areas, such as the breasts, the vaginal lips,
and the interior of the vagina itself.

4Q. How many men/women masturbate?

The best studies of this subject are now quite old. They found approximately
95% of men and about 60% of women claim to have masturbated. There is reason to
think the figures for women would be higher if another comprehensive study were
done today.

This does not say how many people masturbate regularly. There are great
variations in frequency of masturbation between individuals, and even for one
person, the frequency of masturbation varies considerably.

5Q. Can I masturbate too much?

Generally the answer is no.

Nothing about masturbation is inherently damaging, and nothing about it becomes
damaging just because it is done very often. On the other hand, nothing about
masturbation provides an exemption from the physical laws governing any other
form of physical activity. You CAN masturbate too much in the same way that you
could run too much, or bike too much, or type too much. So, if your hand is
cramping, or you are rubbing yourself raw, or it is starting to hurt, stop for
a while.

Masturbation usually involves friction, the possibility of blisters and
friction burns exists, but this possibility can be greatly reduced with use of
lubricants.

Most people are less likely to masturbate too much than they are to run too
much or to work out too much or to play tennis too much, because most people
will lose interest in masturbation (temporarily) after they have an orgasm. But
because sexual issues are still highly sensitive ones in our society, many
people who are in no danger of masturbating too much will worry about it.

There are some very rare psychological disorders in which people masturbate
almost constantly, but people who worry about masturbating too much are many
times more common.

6Q. My penis goes off at an angle! My vaginal lips look strange. Is this from
masturbating?

No. Like ears, like noses, like feet, like all nonsexual body parts, the sex
organs are subject to a wide range of variations that are perfectly normal.

Any kind of sexual activity is likely to induce certain changes in the sexual
parts, mostly swelling and color changes. These are entirely normal and
temporary changes that accompany sexual arousal. The organs will return to
their usual appearance shortly after sexual activity stops. It is entirely
normal for the testicles to increase in size and to draw close to the body
during extreme sexual arousal. It is entirely normal for the nipples to
increase in sensitivity and to erect during sexual arousal--and just as normal
for this to happen in males as it is normal when it happens in females.
Flushing of the skin (reddening)--most noticeable in fair-skinned people, but
present in others--is entirely normal in extreme sexual arousal, and virtually
any part of the body may be affected (temporarily) although the face,
shoulders, chest, and thighs are most commonly affected. It is entirely normal
for the sexual organs to lubricate themselves during sexually arousal. In males
this lubrication is called preseminal fluid ("precum" is usually the word used
on a.s.m.).

Some people notice these changes more during masturbation because during
masturbation they can observe themselves more closely than they do when they
have sex with a partner. It should also be noted that these effects are highly
variable. Not all males produce noticeable amounts of precum, while others
produce large amounts whenever they are even slightly aroused, and in yet
others the amount will depend upon the degree of sexual arousal and the
duration of the sexual activity.

In some cultures foreskins and vaginal lips are deliberately stretched, day
after day, in a process that eventually changes their size and shape--just as
some cultures encourage deliberate changes in the shapes of lips, earlobes,
feet, or other body parts. Ordinary masturbation will not induce these changes.

In particular, masturbation will not affect:

a) curves in the penis.

Many penises have some greater or lesser degree of curve in them when they are
erect, and particularly in younger men, the erect penis may point upwards
(toward the belly) rather than outward. A few penises have sharp angles when
erect. The differences are not caused by masturbation, and masturbation cannot
change the shape of the penis. Very serious abnormalities in shape can
sometimes be corrected by surgery, but masturbation has nothing to do with it.

b) size of the labia or clitoris.

Some labia are small, some are large. Masturbation can neither cause these
differences nor alter them. The same goes for the clitoris. Some are large,
some are small. Almost all of them will become colored and enlarged with blood
during sexual arousal but will return to normal after sexual activity is over.

c) color of the skin of the sexual areas.

Very commonly the color of the skin of the sex organs differs from the color of
skin of the rest of the body. In light-skinned people, the sex organs often are
darker than the rest of the body, while the opposite is often true of dark-
skinned people. This really should not be surprising because the skin of these
areas IS different from the skin of the rest of the body. If it was not
different, people would have as much fun playing with their elbows as they do
playing with their sexual parts.

Masturbation does not cause the difference. Some, especially circumcised, males
will notice great differences in color from one part of the penis to the other.
This is especially noticeable on either side of the circumcision scar if there
is one. Masturbation is not the cause of the color difference. It is just a
coincidence that this color change is noticeable where a male is likely to
place his hand when he masturbates.

d) position and size differences of the testicles (or the relative size of the
breasts or nipples, etc.).

Normally one testicle is somewhat larger than the other and one hangs lower
than the other (if not for this latter, males would be constant racking
themselves when they walked--i.e., the testes would be banging against one
another painfully). Most people are not perfectly symmetrical in all their body
parts--one foot is slightly larger than the other, one breast is slightly
larger than the other, one hand is slightly larger that the other. These
differences are perfectly normal and are not caused by masturbation.

Also masturbation will not make one hand or arm bigger than the other--unless
you usually masturbate with a dumbbell. :) There is just not enough resistance
involved for this activity to have a training effect on the arm and hand used.
Right-handed people will still have slightly larger, slightly better developed
right hands and right arms, and it won't matter which hand they use to
masturbate.

7Q. Will my penis get larger/smaller by masturbating it?

Larger. But only temporarily. ;)

Masturbation will neither retard nor accelerate the growth of the penis.
Masturbation will neither increase nor decrease the eventual adult size of the
penis, and when the penis has achieved its adult size nothing short of surgery
can induce a permanent change in its size. The same pretty much goes for sexual
play or deliberate exercises involving the breast aimed at altering the size of
the breast. Som exercises can increase the size of the muscle under the breast,
but stroking, rubbing, sex play, creams, milk and so forth cannot change the
size of the breasts.

There is almost nothing an individual can do to affect the ultimate size of his
penis or her breasts (except, of course, that pregnancy can increase the size
of the breasts--but this is not an especial good way to increase one's bust).
Medicine can treat certain rare disorders in which people do not get enough of
the right hormones at the right time, but giving these treatments to normal
people does not produce good results. In particular, steroids and other male
hormones that some bodybuilders take tend to *shrink* the testicles of
otherwise normal males.

8Q. Will I catch a disease from masturbation?

No.

You cannot get AIDS or any other sexually transmitted disease from playing with
yourself. These diseases are sexually TRANSMITTED, which means the germ that
causes the disease (HIV in the case of AIDS) has to come from somewhere--and
that somewhere is an infected partner. If you have the disease, you have the
disease whether you masturbate or not. If you don't have the disease, you
cannot get it by playing with yourself.

Manual sex with a partner--that is where you touch the partner's organs with
your hands, and vice versa--can theoretically provide an opportunity for the
transmission of some kinds of sexually transmitted diseases, especially if
semen or blood from one person contacts broken skin of the other person. The
risk involved in such activities is estimated to be extremely low, but it is
NOT zero.

Group masturbation (circle jerks) where you play with yourself and the other
parties play with themselves do not involve the risk of transmission of
sexually transmitted diseases if you don't contact blood or semen from anyone
except yourself and you don't touch anyone else's sexual parts. Naturally, you
can catch a cold if another person sneezes. If you want the risk of STDs to
remain zero, you have to avoid sharing sex toys or towels that may have fresh
fluids on them.

8aQ: Will I make myself sick if I eat my own cum?

You might make yourself nauseated if the idea disgusts you, but you won't get a
disease and you won't poison yourself.

There is nothing poisonous in semen. If you think about it, semen has to be
suited to keeping sperm -- which are human cells -- alive. It is not going to
contain anything that is generally toxic to human cells. It is mostly water, a
simple sugar to keep the sperm alive, and protein. The sperm, of course, won't
do you any harm because they will be killed by acids in your stomach.

You cannot get AIDS or any other STD from eating your own semen. If the AIDS
virus (HIV) is in your semen, then you are already infected with HIV, it
already is in your blood stream, and swallowing some of your own semen is not
likely to make matters worse. If you have some infection of the urethra (the
tube in the penis that passes semen and urine) you are likely to know it.
Unlike the anus, the interior of the penis and the stuff connected to it
internally is clean and practically germ-free in healthy males.

Finally, you are just not going to ejaculate that much semen at any one time: a
couple of tablespoons is pretty much a peak ejaculation for a sexual athlete,
and it will probably be less, or a lot less for an average guy under average
conditions. Semen, however, does contain stuff that makes it a good growth
medium, so if you save it up in open containers at room temperature something
could grow in it that would disagree with you, pretty much the same way that
something disagreeable might grow on a baloney sandwich left over from last
week's lunch.

9Q. Will I go blind/bald/insane/grow hair on my palms/penis turn black and fall
off from masturbating?

No. These are just old scare tactics to discourage people from doing it. Men's
sexual organs are built to do two things: make sperm and semen, and ejaculate
it out of the body. Once the semen and sperm are out of the penis, the body
ceases to care what happens. The sex organs pretty much don't know and don't
care what the source of the sexual stimulation is. Young men will sometimes get
erections--and even, rarely, will ejaculate--as a result of vigorous physical
activity, even in the absence of any specifically sexual stimulation. Most
young men experience spontaneous erections when they were not consciously
thinking sexual thoughts or doing anything to stimulate themselves. The male
body does not know or care whether the semen ends up in a vagina or a throat or
an anal cavity or in a tissue. In other words, so far as the body is concerned,
masturbation is exactly the same as any other kind of sex. Anyone who says "You
should have real sex instead of masturbating because masturbation causes X"
where X is some bad thing, overlooks the fact that to the body masturbation is
real sex.

What masturbation means to the mind, is mostly up to you. Some people think
masturbation is real sex as much as any other. Some people think of
masturbation as a relief value for when "realer" kinds of sex are not available
or would not be a good idea. Yet others think of masturbation as self-love and
that masturbation is not an alternative to other kinds of sex, but is a
complement to them. There are a variety of negative thoughts about masturbation
too.

A few of the old tales have just enough basis in fact to convince some people
to believe them.

For example, masturbation does NOT cause zits (pimples). But some people might
think so because the hormones that cause the development of sexual urges are
also the hormones likely to cause skin problems. This is a classic case of
faulty cause-and-effect reasoning. People begin to get horny and to have the
urge to masturbate or find other sexual outlets at about the same age that they
first experience skin problems (if they ever do). But zits don't cause the
hornies and the hornies don't cause zits. Instead both are caused by a third
thing, which is the increase of sex hormones that occurs when a person
approaches adulthood.

Likewise, a person is likely to feel sex urges and start to masturbate at about
the time that hair starts growing on various parts of the body that didn't have
hair before. If someone tells him the lie that masturbation may cause hair to
grow on his palms, he may believe it, because, after all, all this other hair
has started growing where it did not grow before.

Although the above are myths that mostly males hear, the same general
principles apply to females. The body just does not have some hidden nasty to
spring on a person who masturbates because the body can't tell the difference
between masturbation and other kinds of sexual activity.

Many people feel slightly tired or "let down" after masturbation or after other
kinds of sex. This is entirely normal, and is not really much different than
the feeling one gets after any other very exciting or vigorous activity is
over. If you go to a concert that you have really been looking forward to,
there IS a feeling of let-down when the music stops and the lights go up--in a
very crowded place you can actually hear everyone making a little sigh at the
same time.

Although many of the most obvious feelings relating to sex are conveyed by
direct nerve Impulses, others occur through the release of certain chemicals
into the bloodstream (which is why some paraplegics who cannot feel their sex
organs can nonetheless enjoy sex). These chemicals induce a quiet and relaxed
state after sex which some people interpret as being sleepy.

The combination of the normal letdown after any exciting activity and the
relaxed feelings that come from the chemicals released into the bloodstream at
orgasm form the basis of several myths. The myths include stories that
masturbation (or sex in general) has a weakening effect. Of course there is
nothing to this myth.

One myth is that a person--usually this is told of males--has only so many
orgasms and that they can be used up by masturbation leaving him incapable of
have sex. Nearly the opposite is the case. You don't use up your ability to
lift heavy objects by lifting heavy objects--the body just doesn't work that
way. Studies indicate that the people who are the most sexually active tend to
be those who remain sexually active longer--just as those who are physically
active in other activities tend to maintain their physical abilities longer.

Females are born with all the eggs they will ever have. But that number is not
affected by masturbation in any way. The eggs will be released on a (usually)
regular schedule throughout the woman's fertile years, and masturbation will
not cause them to be used up sooner. Males, on the other hand, produce new
sperm throughout their fertile period and sperm that is not ejaculated is
simply reabsorbed by the body. The supply of sperm is constantly being
replenished, and while in a day of intense sexual activity a male might use up
all the sperm he had that day, he can't use up his future sexual potential.

Yet, another myth is based upon the observation that inmates of mental
institution can be seen masturbating. When this was first noticed, some people
concluded that masturbation must cause insanity. The truth was that the inmates
lacked private places to masturbate and they were under constant observation.
The inmates are often deprived of other forms of sexual outlet, but many of
them do not masturbate any more than sane people under the same circumstances
would. A few do masturbate more, and these include those who are not fully
aware of their surroundings, those who lack full control over their behaviors
(and usually this is evident in nonsexual behaviors as well), and a very few
who have obsessions with masturbation--but masturbation is only one of many
kinds of behaviors that certain mental patients can become obsessed with. Some
mental patients wash their hands obsessively--but that is no reason for someone
who is not a mental to worry about washing his or her hands. 10Q. Can a doctor
tell if I've been masturbating?

Not if you washed up after your last session :)

In any form of sexual activity the body produces its own natural lubricants,
men ejaculate, and in a variety of sexual activities people may add various
lubricants. If you leave these substances on the body an observant doctor will
be able to tell you have been doing something sexual. But he cannot be sure it
was masturbation. If you clean yourself up before the examination, the doctor
is not going to know what, if anything, you have been doing sexually.

In some kinds of urine tests, it will be noted whether there is sperm in the
urine or not. A lot of sperm in urine could indicate a prostate (or other)
disorder or it could merely indicate that patient recently ejaculated. There is
no way the test can tell what caused the ejaculation: whether it was
masturbation or some other kind of sex or a wet dream.

In particular, a hernia examination cannot reveal whether the patient has been
masturbating.

11Q. Can my parents/guardian/spouse/other tell if I've been masturbating?

Probably not, but sometimes they can make a good guess.

There are no telltale signs as far physical appearance is concerned. There are
a few myths such as people who masturbate have bags under their eyes, or one
biceps gets bigger than the other, or the person gets pale. You may have these
"signs" or not, but they are not caused by masturbation and they won't go away
if you stop masturbating.

Some people are very sensitive to the smell of semen and semen does leave very
distinctive stains on fabrics. But sexually competent males are likely to
ejaculate in their sleep (have wet dreams), and this can explain stains on
underwear or bed clothes, if explanations are necessary. Most parents are not
dummies, and they will generally have a good guess why a person spends more
time in the bathroom or what a particular kind of magazine hidden under a
mattress is for. Likewise, if you have never been especially worried about the
condition of your skin, but you start buying hand lotion by the case, people
can put two and two together.

Many adults are fairly regular in their sexual habits--perhaps more regular
than they would like to admit. A spouse is very likely to notice any abrupt and
significant change in frequency of sex. More usually a spouse who notices a
change will think that possibly it indicates another sexual partner. It is the
change that is likely to be noticed, and sometimes a spouse will not know when
masturbation has been a consistent part of a person's sexual outlet.

As military service is now less than universal and fewer students share rooms
in dormitories, the questions of how roommates and others in close quarters
deal with issue of masturbation is less common, but this is a recurring theme
of posts to a.s.m. and suffice to say that no one solution can be offered that
is successful in every situation.

12Q. I quit having/never had wet dreams after I started masturbating. Is this
normal?

Yes. Some males never have wet dreams, or have only one or two their whole
lives. The old theory was that sperm built up in the male and if it did not
come out in masturbation or other sexual activity it would have to come out in
some other way: namely wet dreams. According to that theory someone who was
masturbating or having other regular sexual outlets would not have a buildup of
semen and wet dreams would not occur. But the new evidence is that it is not so
clear-cut as all that. Evidently the body can and does reabsorb unused sperm
and the occurrence of wet dreams is not so closely related to the absence of
other sexual outlets as was once thought. Some males stop having wet dreams
about the time they start masturbating. Others only have wet dreams during
times in their lives when they are very sexually active. Still others have
frequent wet dreams no matter what they do, while yet others never or almost
never have them.

Will you have more wet dreams if you stop masturbating or have fewer if you do
masturbate? Maybe. Maybe not.

A thing that really shoots down the old sperm-build-up theory is that it is now
recognized that some women have sexual dreams leading to orgasm. This doesn't
tell us a lot about the function of sexual dreams, but it does indicate that
getting rid of excess sperm is not the right answer.

13Q. Will I lose my ability to perform with a partner if I masturbate?

Not likely. Most people claim that masturbation helps a person develop a sense
of what stimulus he or she needs to have an orgasm. Many people say that they
develop better control through masturbation. Either way, as described above,
there are no physical dangers to masturbation--you don't use up all your sperm.

Some women cannot have orgasms during sex unless they stimulate themselves
manually or get their partner to stimulate them manually. Some people claim
this is because the women have trained themselves to respond to manual
stimulation by masturbating. But many women do not get orgasms from coitus
(fucking) alone whether they have masturbated or not. This is partly a matter
of anatomy: coitus just does not provide the most vigorous stimulation where it
counts for some women. There is an equally good argument that masturbation is
good training for sex, and that some women are not orgasmic at all until they
have learned to be comfortable with their bodies and to let go through
masturbation.

On the male side there is sometimes the argument that because masturbation is
usually quick--so that the activity can be concealed from others--masturbation
may teach males to be premature ejaculators. This overlooks the fact that most
young males are pretty quick on the trigger anyway, and that most of them have
to make a conscious effort to learn to control their urge to ejaculate
immediately regardless of the factor of masturbation. In particular, males who
do not masturbate may build up levels of sexual tension that result in
premature ejaculation--or so one theory goes. In fact, some sex therapists
recommend a program that includes masturbation nearly to orgasm several times
before the final release to help men who ejaculate prematurely learn to
identify and to control the urge to ejaculate.

What to make out of all these theories? The truth is probably something near to
this: masturbation and satisfactory sex with a partner involve different
skills. In particular cases masturbation may help slightly or hinder slightly
the learning of the skills necessary for satisfactory sex with a partner, but
it is highly unlikely that masturbation will be a determining factor in the
long run.

14Q. Will I become obsessed with masturbation?

People can become obsessed with any pleasurable activity (and also with some
activities that are not so pleasurable). Unlike some other obsessions, many
more people worry about becoming obsessed with masturbation than ever do become
obsessed with it.

One kind of comparison to make it to ask whether there would be a question of
obsession if the activity was not related to sex. Take video games for example.
For some people they are a compulsion. These people hardly do anything except
sleep and play video games. Their grades may suffer, they may lose a job, they
pay no attention to their personal hygiene, and so forth. From the outside it
is easy to judge this as a compulsion and to see that it is interfering with
their lives.

On the other hand, on any given Saturday, a person who is NOT obsessed with
video games might get a new video game and he might spend as much time on that
particular Saturday playing video games as the video-game addict does. But for
the noncompulsive player, the newness of the game will wear off and he'll only
spend a few hours a week with the game, although there will still sometimes be
days he spends more time at it than on other days.

Males tend to reach the peak of their sexual drives at an age that, in our
society, does not offer them the most opportunities for sexual outlets other
than masturbation. Some of them do masturbate a lot, but only a very few of
them ever become compulsive about it.

As with most questions relating to sex, many more people will worry about it
than will ever have a real problem. But the worry itself can be a real problem.
If you think you have a problem you may have a problem or the worrying about
the problem may be the problem. In either case, seek competent advice.

15Q. Masturbation is only for people who can't get laid, right?

No. Some people do masturbate because there is no sexual partner in their
lives, for whatever reason (and there are many good ones). However, many people
who are married or involved in other sexual relationships continue to
masturbate. Masturbation is just another form of sex play, and there are times
when it is just what the person wants to do. Masturbation when alone is
uncomplicated, since the person has complete and utter control of the
progression of the act.

Sometimes a person wants an orgasm without having to involve other people, for
any of many valid reasons. Masturbation while being watched by a partner can be
very erotic. Many men love to watch their partners masturbate, and dream of it
if they do not. Many women feel the same way. Mutual masturbation is an avenue
that leads to much enjoyment. Discontinuation of masturbation after marriage or
the start of some other sexual relationship simply denies people a lot of
opportunities for erotic play. Anyway, it is a good bet that people who tell
you masturbation is only for people who aren't getting laid, probably are not
getting laid themselves. People who have happy and fulfilling sex lives don't
feel the need to brag about it or to tear down other people.

16Q. Will I burn in hell for masturbating?

Certain religions would have you think so. The meaning of the passages in the
Christian Bible that are supposed to be about masturbation are highly
debatable. If masturbation causes you have serious religious feelings of guilt,
you may wish to consult a religious authority of your particular faith.
Celibacy, although not easy, is an option, and some people do find it easier
than struggling with their feelings of guilt. For obvious reasons, if
abstinence is your personal choice, you will find other places on the net that
are more supportive of that choice than alt.sex.masturbation.

17Q. Should I use a lubricant? What kind of lubricant should I use?

That depends on your personal preference. Many men use lubricants because they
find the friction of masturbating a dry penis is too uncomfortable. Others
learn to masturbate before they think of using a lubricant and never feel a
need to include lubricants.

Occasionally when lubricants are discussed on a.s.m., some person trying to be
helpful will warn you never to use oil-based lubricants because of the danger
of AIDS. Of course, this person has not stopped to think that there is no
danger of AIDS in masturbating yourself. Oil- (or fat-) based lubricants will
dissolve the latex in condoms, and even if the condoms do not break, tiny holes
may develop in them that would allow for the transmission of disease. But there
is no reason you cannot use oil-based lube (and condoms if you wish) for
playing with yourself.

Water-base lubricants like K-Y Jelly are safe for condoms. But sometimes such
lubricants are less than satisfactory for masturbation because in masturbation
the lubricant is constantly exposed to the air and tends to dry out. Water-
based lubricants are much easier to wash off.

A few things that are safe and feel good externally will sting or worse if they
enter the penis, vagina, or anus. This is especially true of some soaps. For
males, the effect may not be noticeable until the next time they urinate. Yet
other products contain chemicals that some people may be allergic to. Usually,
but not always, the problem comes from perfumes and dyes.

18Q. All my friends can masturbate to orgasm but I am unable to. What's wrong?

The answer to this question is in two parts. The first part is for young men
who are still developing sexually. The second part is for those who are clearly
fully developed.

For those who are still developing sexually:

First, if you are relying on what guys tell you they do or they can do, you
should be aware that young men don't always tell the truth about sexual
matters, and in particular tend to exaggerate their own abilities, conquests,
etc. or even to lie outright.

[A contributor provides the next part of this answer]

I used to be a teacher, and was trusted well enough by some of my students that
they confided in me concerning many problems. One VERY common concern is 'all
my friends masturbate and come but I haven't been able to!' I have heard this
from more than one 13 year old. If this is the case for you, don't be overly
concerned. It is possible for male sexual maturity to be delayed until 15 or so
without being 'abnormal'. However, if puberty has not started by 13 (i.e., at
least SOME changes to your body) then you should talk to your doctor about it.

Normal changes include changing voice, growth spurt, oily skin and hair,
developing body odor, rapid gain in muscle mass and strength, and growth of the
testes and penis, as well as growth of facial, pubic, and other body hair. If
some of these things are happening, you are normal. If none are happening, see
a doctor. You may need hormone supplements or something like that. As long as
you see some signs of sexual development, relax and just play around with what
feels good for you. Try the methods mentioned by other posters, try just
rubbing on a pillow with your clothes on, try soaping up in the shower,
anything else you can think of. When you find something you like, keep doing it
and eventually you will see why masturbation is so popular.

[End of this contribution]

For older males, who have fully-developed sexual characteristics a significant
question is: what do you mean by you "don't come"?

Many males identify orgasm and ejaculation as the same thing. But they are not
necessarily the same. If you are older and otherwise sexually developed, then
the question is:

Do you reach a sexual climax but don't ejaculate? Or do you not reach a climax
at all?

In either case, drugs can be a cause. Anti-depressants, some antihistamines,
and many illicit drugs, especially of the cocaine and speed type, can interfere
with sexual climax or with ejaculation or both. If you are taking prescription
medication consult your doctor. A surprising variety of drugs can affect sexual
function. Often doctors can prescribe alternate drugs or adjust dosages. And it
is a perfectly legitimate thing to ask your doctor about. Begin with "I think
my medicine is affecting my sexual functioning."

In the cases of certain drugs, you may be having a sexual climax and you may be
emitting semen, but the two don't happen in a coordinated fashion. That is you
don't "shoot off" although an equivalent volume of semen seeps out. A few
people on certain antipsychotic medications report the frustrating situation of
being able to get very close to a sexual climax, while not actually being able
to achieve it.

If you reach a sexual climax but do not ejaculate, and you are an otherwise
fully developed male, you may have retrograde ejaculation, which is a condition
in which the semen is shot into the bladder instead of out the penis. This can
indicate several disorders ranging from minor to serious. Consult a physician.
This should be looked into whether the particular effect on your sexual
function bothers you or not.

Of course it is not uncommon for males who have had several ejaculations in a
short time to experience a "dry cum," and in this situation it is perfectly
normal.

Some males cannot reach a sexual climax or ejaculate. This usually becomes
apparent when they attempt intercourse. Like impotence (the inability to have
an erection) this can happen sometimes to anybody and few males will go their
whole lives with ever having one or the other problem on some occasion.
Nervousness, alcohol or drugs, and fatigue may be factors in the occasional
inability to get an erection or to have an orgasm. Don't make too much of rare
or occasional problems of this kind: everybody in every kind of activity has an
occasional off day.

However, if these problems persist--happens every time, happens almost every
time--in a variety of circumstance (whether you are rested or not, whether you
have been drinking or not), it is time to consult a physician or sex therapist.
It used to be thought that these problems were caused by deep psychological
hangups that might take years of therapy to correct. However, it has been
discovered that many involve fairly simple physical problems that can be
corrected fairly quickly.

[contributions for the female side of this (and all) Q and A are encouraged by
the maintainer: eighner@io.com ]

19Q. What is the normal size of a penis? Is my penis big enough?

This is not entirely on topic. As far as a.s.m. goes, if you can masturbate,
your penis is big enough.

For some reason we never get questions from guys like "Are my feet big enough?"
It would be a silly question. If your feet get you around and they are neither
too big or too small for you to get shoes, foot size just is not a big issue.
And this really ought to be the same for penis size.

Most of the studies that have relied on actual measurements, instead of just
what guys claim, find the average length of an erect male penis (measured along
the top) to be 5 to 7 inches (about 13 to 18 cm). Surveys which only ask men to
say how big their penises are usually get averages about 2 inches (5 cm)
longer. Or in other words, guys lie about it. Some of them aren't lying, but
simply overestimate themselves, and pretty much same thing occurs when you ask
males how tall they are and compare that to actual measurements.

What is wrong with these surveys is that they tend to create the impression
that there is one measurement of the size of a man's erect penis. But the truth
is that even a fully erect penis will change in size according to the degree of
sexual stimulation or arousal. The difference can be as much as an inch (2.5
cm) in length, although often the difference width (circumference) is more
noticeable.

*But all the guys in the porn flicks have much bigger ones!

It is true enough that guys in porn flicks seem to have bigger penises. Hey,
these guys are not hired for their acting ability. And yes it is perfectly
true, if your penis is topping out at about 5 inches, perhaps you had better
not be planning a career as a porn star. If you are old enough to be asking
this question, you are old enough to realize that you are not the biggest, the
best, and the brightest at everything--and you don't have to be. Probably you
know guys who have bigger bicepses than you, who are taller than you, who run
faster, and so forth. So why would the differences of the dimensions of this
one physical part be so much harder to deal with?

The major advantage of a big penis is that it looks big, but as for
functionality, it is not that much better than an average or even small penis.

*Do women notice?

Oh sure. I guess you go to a lot of those kind of parties in which all the guys
line up and drop trou and the women go down the line selecting partners
according to dick size. Is that right?

Like all the questions that begin "Do women . . .," "Are women . . .," "Will
women . . .," the answer is: some do and some don't. Some will notice, and to
those who notice, it will matter to some and not matter to others. What is
really utterly clueless about this question is what seems to be the thought
behind it, namely: If my penis is a certain size or bigger, women will
automatically find it satisfying, but if it is smaller than a certain size then
it is hopeless. **BUZZ** Wrong. But thanks for playing.

This theory is wrong, wrong, wrong. It is wrong for guys who think they have a
larger penis and who think, therefore, it is pretty much up to women to be
automatically satisfied by it. It is wrong for guys who think they have smaller
penises and therefore are considering becoming monks. Get a clue.

Also, stop working on your biceps and start working on tightening up your butt.
Physical attributes do count with women, although IN GENERAL not so much as
they count with men, but what women find physically attractive in men is not
always the same thing as what men think women find attractive or what men find
attractive in other men. In particular, guys tend to notice upper body mass
(deltoids, biceps, pecs), to admire these in other guys, and to devote much of
their workouts to developing these. But in fact the parts that women tend to
notice and evaluate are butts, bellies, thighs, and calves.

*But the guys in the showers all have bigger ones!

There are several factors here. First, people, and especially males, tend to
develop at different rates. If you are young and in a group of young males
there will be vast differences in development, and it is impossible to tell how
things will work out once everyone is fully developed. Second, you are not
going to see many erect penises in the showers, and the relative sizes of
flaccid penises don't really have much to do their relative sizes when erect.
Some penises sort of accordion up when they get soft. Other just get soft with
getting much smaller. Third, there is a difference in perspective when you look
down at your penis and when you glance at the next guy in the shower. Fourth,
you might really have a small penis. So what?

*Can I make it larger?

Only surgery can change the size of an adult male's penis.

*It is not as big as it should be for my shoe size (according to the size of my
hands, etc.)

Not everyone is built on the same proportions. Comparisons to shoe sizes,
length of fingers, and so forth may be amusing, but have no scientific basis.

*When should I worry?

If you are at least 14-years-old and have absolutely NO sexual development
whatever (no pubic hair at all, no facial hair at all, no voice change, no
increase at all in size of the penis or testes) it is time to consult a doctor,
or if this is so worrisome to you that you are losing sleep over it and can
hardly think of anything else or are avoiding social contacts because of this
worry, it is time to consult an appropriate professional.

20Q. If I jack off with (get jacked off by) my friend of the same sex, will I
become gay (or lesbian)?

While there are plenty of good reasons to want to do this and also to want not
to do this, it will not change your sexuality in any way. If this happens, or
if this has happened, you MIGHT be gay, or you might not be. But this event has
nothing to do with it.

Sexual orientation is something that seems to be set at a very young age (like
less than four years) and there is even some evidence that it is something a
person is born with. Most people have some capacity to be sexual outside of
their orientation. That is, some gays have had heterosexual relations, some
straights have had homosexual relations, and often a person's first sexual
experiences have little or nothing to do with the person's orientation.

There are many other factors to consider, such as whether your friend is
trustworthy, whether you are interested in having the experience or whether you
are being pressured into it, and so forth. But whether it will (or has) changed
your sexuality is nothing to worry about. If you are looking for an excuse NOT
to do it, you don't need one: you have a right to say "I'd rather not do that,
thank you," and you have no need to explain yourself. On the other hand, if you
do decide to do it (or have done it) you have a right not to accept labels or
guilt trips that other people might try to give you because of it.

21Q. What is (are?) "blue balls"?

"Blue balls" is a uncomfortable sensation in the testicles, rather like the
sensation one gets from being hit in the nuts, only a lot more subtle.

No, they do not actually turn blue. But the condition is associated with the
whole area being flushed with blood and so there may be a color change, more of
a purplish or blush color.

It hurts. It hurts to move any way that jostles the nuts. The feeling is
something like if you had sinuses in your nuts and they were badly congested.
It is not a sharp pain, but of a sort associated with squeezing, congestion,
pressure, etc.

Blue balls are cause by prolonged sexual arousal. The whole area becomes
flushed with blood and the nuts increase with size. This is a perfectly normal
part of male sexual arousal. However when release does not occur within a
reasonable time, the tenderness and pain called blue balls may result.

Only the passage of time will relieve blue balls. Blue balls can be prevented
by sexual release--any kind of sex including jacking off will do. Also taking
any kind of break from the sexual stimulation can prevent the blue balls if
sexual arousal has not gone too far. But once the pain starts, sexual release
will not necessarily stop the pain. Continued sexual stimulation may only make
matters worse.

"Blue balls" ARE NOT an extremely painful, debilitation condition that some
males hope to convince their dates it is. If the pain has not set in, it can be
avoided by stopping sexually stimulating activity for a while. Having sex with
another person IS NOT the only way to avoid the discomfort--masturbation will
relieve the congestion as well as any other kind of sex. And if the discomfort
has set in, REALLY, sexual activity will be likely to be painful.

Women too can have some discomfort from prolonged sexual arousal and congestion
of the sexual areas.

22Q. What are poppers?

Poppers are substances that are closely related to the drug amyl nitrate.
Although poppers are illegal in many jurisdictions, they are sometimes sold in
adult bookstores as "room odorizers" -- an ironic name because they smell like
dirty sweatsocks.

Amyl nitrate is a vasodilator with legitimate medical use in angina pectoris.
That is, the drug tends to relax and open up blood vessels which can be useful
for people whose narrowed arteries that do not supply sufficient blood to the
heart, a condition that may cause severe chest pains.

Most poppers nowadays are not amyl nitrate, but one or another related drug
such as isobutyl nitrate. They cause a flushing sensation and perhaps
dizziness. Some people identify the flushing sensation as sexual. Other people
just get a headache. Poppers are very likely to set off migraines and other
vascular-type headaches in people susceptible to such headaches.

Poppers are very controversial because some people believe they are associated
with Kaposi's sarcoma, a cancer that sometime occurs in people with AIDS. They
have always been unpopular with some people who do not find the experience of
using poppers sexually interesting.

Poppers are sold in little brown bottles, usually covered with shrink plastic.
Poppers are extremely inflammable (they will burn or explode in the presence of
flames or sparks) and will evaporate quickly unless tightly capped. Poppers are
used by sniffing the vapors. Like any other inhalant, poppers can be harmful if
they are concentrated so the user does not get enough oxygen.

PART THREE: Techniques

3.1 Dangers

Because there used to be so much misinformation claiming masturbation was
harmful, many people now emphasize that masturbation is safe. And it is. But
the fact that a person may be masturbating does NOT make the person immune from
the laws of physics or biology. You don't become Superman just because you are
jacking off.

There are some dangerous and deadly ways of jacking off or of trying to. Some
people think it is extremely funny to post suggestions to a.s.m. that are
inherently dangerous. They seem to hope some idiot will try it and hurt or kill
himself. And unfortunately some idiots do.

Things that wouldn't be safe if you did them to your arms or your toes do not
become safe if you do them to your sexual parts. There is good masturbation,
better masturbation, and really great masturbation, but there is not some
cosmic orgasm out there waiting for you if you do something stupid.

I have debated long and hard with myself whether to post any information about
these subjects for fear that there will be some brain-damaged readers who will
try this stuff. I have come to the conclusion that information is better than
ignorance and it is better for people to know about these things in order to
avoid them than to let people risk being talked into something dangerous
because of ignorance.

************************

W A R N I N G !

THESE ARE NOT MASTURBATION TECHNIQUES! THESE ARE WAYS PEOPLE HAVE HURT OR
KILLED THEMSELVES!

1) AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION

Q. My wife told me about men who masturbate while standing on a chair with a
noose around there neck. I guess there is supposed to be a thrill associated
with cumming and going at the same time. Apparently, a number of men have
actually hung themselves in the process. Hope it was worth it. Has anyone else
heard about this?

A. Unfortunately this is a common occurrence. It is called autoerotic
asphyxiation. There is a scene in a movie with Peter O'Toole ("The Ruling
Class") in which O'Toole's father accidentally kills himself in this way, and
the subject is common in the novels of William S. Burroughs.

Apparently this practice started when it was believed that hanged men get
erections and ejaculate. If this happens at all, it happens in modern hanging
as a reflex action when the neck is snapped and certainly the hanged men never
feel anything.

Nonetheless, slow strangulation and anything else that prevents oxygen from
getting to the brain will cause light-headedness and a feeling of intoxication.
Some men (and this is almost exclusively a male phenomenon) think this
heightens orgasm.

What happens is a man, usually unmarried and alone, will strip naked and stand
on a chair or table. Then he will tie a noose around his neck, lean against it
to reduce the amount of air getting into his lungs and then masturbate.
Unfortunately, sometimes the poor guy, in the throes of orgasm or perhaps just
by unlucky consequence or because of the unsteadiness caused by lack of oxygen
which will make people faint, will fall off of the precarious perch and
accidentally hang himself completely.

Usually it is perfectly obvious to investigators what has happened because guys
who intend to kill themselves don't usually get naked or pull out their penises
to do it. It is difficult for families to decide whether they want the truth to
be known or whether they would prefer the death counted as a suicide. Usually
they opt for the latter.

Sometimes this activity becomes a trendy thing among groups of boys. When one
accidentally kills himself, the others usually can guess the real story, and
sometimes because of guilt, others in the group will kill themselves or become
careless deliberately. This is what is behind many stories of suicides by
hangings among school chums, and also a number of supposed suicides by men or
boys who seemed to have everything to live for.

THERE IS NO WAY TO PURSUE THIS KIND OF ACTIVITY SAFELY. Because the idea of the
practice is to deprive the brain of oxygen, the activity will certainly cause
lack of coordination and lapse of judgment which are very likely to have deadly
results. THESE ARE NOT MASTURBATION TECHNIQUES! THESE ARE WAYS PEOPLE HAVE HURT
OR KILLED THEMSELVES!

Q. I have heard of a way to electrically stimulate myself. What do you know
about this.

A. This was supposed to be joke. Ha, ha. Someone tried it and electrocuted
himself doing it. There is simply no way to use line current or car batteries
that is not inherently dangerous. You know better than to stick your finger in
a light socket. Why in the world would you think it would be safer to hook the
same current up to your sexual parts?

***End of discussion of inherently dangerous activities***

3.2 Male Techniques

3.2.1. Old Reliable This one is the most common. Take the dominant hand (if
you're right handed, use your right hand), wrap the fingers around the shaft
and start stroking it up and down. Variations can include turning the hand
around in different positions, using different fingers, and stroking different
parts of the penis. The ALT.SEX FAQ file has a long section on various hand
techniques.

Sometimes lists of many thousands of ways have been made in which the only
difference in most of the ways is a slight variation of finger position. There
are, however, two fairly distinct preferences: fairly loose, light, and usually
more rapid stimulation of the head of the penis, and a firmer grip used nearer
the base of the penis. Some men use two hands on the penis to combine these
basic forms of stimulation.

Although perhaps it is most common for masturbation of this kind to be done
lying on one's back, other positions are also fairly common. Many men
masturbate standing up, and this is convenient in the shower where cleaning up
is easier and which may be the only place providing sufficient privacy or for
quickies in public restrooms or other places when disrobing might be
inconvenient or arouse suspicion. Standing positions may make it easier to
thrust the pelvis and involve the whole body in the act. Sitting positions are
also common. Not so common are a number of face down positions, in which the
man supports himself on his knees and shoulders or knees and one elbow.
Kneeling and crouching positions are also used by some.

While male masturbation tends to be very much focused on the penis, many men
include secondary stimulation of other parts of the body with their free hand.
The other parts most often included are the nipples, chest in general, belly,
testicles, anus, and thighs. 3.2.2. Not Quite So Reliable

The same as above, but using your non-dominant hand. (So it is written in the
old FAQ. However, a lot of left-handed guys do prefer their right hands.
Lefties make a lot of adjustments to a right-handed world, and many learned to
masturbate right-handed, perhaps by the example of others.)

3.2.3. The Rubdown

This is simply placing the penis on or against something and then rubbing the
penis against it until orgasm. The simplest is to simply roll over on your
stomach and rub your penis on the mattress. Variations include placing it
between a pillow and mattress, between two pillows, in a pile of clothes, in
the crevice between the sofa frame and cushions, between the mattress and box
springs, and similar places.

This may be too rough for many men, and sometime lubricated plastic baggies, or
condoms, or both are used to cover the penis. Most of these techniques have the
advantages, if they work at all, of allow the male to thrust and of leaving the
hands free.

3.2.4. The Waterfall

Women use this method often with good results. Place yourself so that your
penis is sprayed by water from the tub faucet, the shower nozzle (particularly
if you have the detachable kind), a garden hose, or other device. The spray may
provide the sensations necessary for orgasm.

Needle fine sprays may be uncomfortable or numbing after a while. Try various
adjustments.

3.2.5. The Belly-scratch Lay on your back in comfortable position. Lube up your
penis (I have no idea how good this method is without lube) and lay it back
against your stomach. Curl your fingers lightly around the top half of the
shaft and stroke the length of the penis. Don't encircle the penis with your
hand--just rub the top half with your fingers and let the lower half rub
against your belly.

3.2.6. Autofellatio

WARNING: This is not possible for everyone, and you can injure yourself trying
to do it.

This is the ability of perform fellatio (oral sex) on your own penis. Most men
are unable to do it, but many try and there are a lot of people who claim to
have done it to some extent as well as a few porn stars whose main claim to
fame is they can do it. You can be in really good shape and have a really long
penis and still not be able to do this if your proportions are not right for
it. If you aren't in good shape, you best not try it until you have learned
some yoga or gymnastics. Slender, limber, long-waisted types seem to be more
successful at it than compactly built muscular types.

The most common method is to lay on a bed with your head close to a wall. Swing
your feet up over your head and against the wall, as if you were doing a
backwards somersault. Then start walking your feet down the wall until you can
either take the penis into your mouth or you simply can't bend any further.

A few guys can achieve the same result simply by bending over, grabbing the
back of their thighs, and pulling. Porn star Scott O'Hara has a famous picture
of him doing it in this position, sitting on a bar stool. If you are trained in
yoga or gymnastics, you probably can find some other positions that will work,
if any of them will work for you.

Most people who report success with this state that it took them some time and
practice to do it, and that they were able to do it over a period of time (like
several weeks). Try some stretching exercises to limber up as well.

Hardly anyone who can get some of his own penis in his mouth can really blow
himself. Usually no more than an inch or so of the penis gets in and there
simply is not anything left for motion of the in-and-out kind. No doubt someone
who was very quick on the trigger or very excited about the whole thing could
get off to it, but it is not giving yourself a blow job and it is really very
painful for many of the guys who can do it to maintain the position very long.
A few guys who can do this, do it just for show. Others make it an occasional
*part* of masturbation. Apparently that last little strain to get any of it in
is especially painful for some people if they try to maintain it for a long
time, but the somewhat more relaxed position of just getting it somewhere near
the face is easier on many guys.

In this position it is possible to masturbate and ejaculate over the mouth, and
some men like to do this.

(Semen can sting if it gets in the eyes.)

3.2.7 The Squeeze

This method is very painful for some men. If it hurts, don't do it.

Some men can get their erect penises between their thighs and can get off by
jiggling or squeezing their thighs around their penises. Other men find it
extremely painful to try to push their erections much lower than perpendicular
to the body. Some find it easier to do this in a face down or a sitting
position. A major consideration for anyone attempting this technique is to be
sure to get the testicles out of harm's way.

A generally less painful, although not universally satisfactory method, is to
insert the penis between well greased forearms. This is possible in a sitting
or half sitting up position or in a face down position.

Other techniques are discussed in connection with toys. 3.3. Female Techniques

Note: The contributors and compilers of this FAQ have been mostly men. We mean
well, but we probably have not got this all exactly right. Corrections and
additions are welcome.

3.3.1. Old Reliable

The most common form of female masturbation is to use your fingertips to stroke
and caress your clitoris. The clitoris ('clit' for short) is a very sensitive
part of the vulva, located above the vaginal and urethral openings. It may be
covered by skin or partially exposed, and may take a bit of exploration to
locate. How much, and what kind, of stimulation to give it varies widely from
woman to woman. Beginners are encouraged just to explore and lightly feel the
genital area for pleasure spots, and stroke and caress such spots as you find
them. As you get to know your body better, learning the best way to stimulate
the clitoris will develop over time.

Clitoral stimulation is usually accompanied by stimulation of other erogenous
(or pleasure-producing) zones, such as the breasts, the thighs, the vaginal
lips and interior, and anywhere else that enjoys being touched or stroked.

3.3.2. The Squeeze

Some women find that they are able to masturbate by squeezing their thighs
together and releasing. The advantage of this is that it can be done more
discretely than by digital manipulation, and frees up the hands for other
things.

3.4.3. The Waterfall

Many woman enjoy the stream-of-water technique, most commonly done in a bathtub
with the tub-faucet running. Set the water to a stimulating temperature (start
out with tepid water if you've never done it before. A burn in the crotch can
ruin your whole day) and level of force, and then position your vagina so that
the stream of water splashes on it.

3.4.4. Autocunnilingus

WARNING: This is not possible for everyone, and you can injure yourself trying
to do it. Some women are capable of this. It requires even more ability to
double over to reach the area, because women don't have the length of the penis
working in their favor. If you can cross your legs behind your head
comfortably, you may have a chance of making tongue to clit contact.

As with the male technique of autofellatio, few will make contact at all, and
most or all of those who do will not really find this a practical way of
getting off. But if you are going down there anyway, take a small mirror--like
a compact--with you and get to know what your own sex organs look like.


4.0 Toys and things

4.0.1 Non-sexual objects

These can be almost anything, depending on the resourcefulness of the user. The
novel PORTNOY'S COMPLAINT, in the first chapter, offers a variety of examples,
like a milk bottle and a bra. But use a little more sense than Portnoy and be
especially wary of anything that is very hard, brittle, has sharp edges, or is
likely to develop sharp edges if broken. Also consider what is inside objects
that might work itself out, such as springs and wires.

Both men and women are cautioned to consider the ramifications of using a
particular item before trying it. For males, don't stick your penis into
anything that it might get stuck in, or anything that may crimp, cut, or
otherwise hurt your penis. Women and men who use insertive toys should avoid
anything that might cut, puncture, or tear the vaginal walls or rectum, will
break (think carefully about this) or get stuck. Be careful not to introduce
anything that might cause an infection and in particular, never put a toy that
has been in an anus into a vagina without careful washing and disinfection (and
this goes for the fleshy toy attached to boyfriends and fingers as much as it
goes for inanimate toys).

Basically the first consideration about something you are going to put in you
should be how you are going to get it out. This goes double for anything in the
anus, where there are strong muscles that may tend to draw objects in. Many
vibrators are made of cheap, breakable, hard plastic and are much too short.
They may break or come apart in middle or, in the case of anal insertion,
simply get lost. Some devices which seem flexible may contain hidden springs or
wires that give the device its shape. These may poke out of the device and
cause serious damage to a vagina or rectum.

It may seem silly to repeat such obvious advice, but emergency room records are
full of cases of people who did not give even the least concern to safety in
these matters.

Articles of clothing can be stimulating, especially if they have some
significance in one's life. Those who are sexually attracted to women are
likely to find bras, panties, or other lingerie stimulating. Those who are
sexually attracted to men are likely to find athletic supporters and cups,
Speedos, and briefs stimulating. Some people are sexually excited by stockings,
socks, and shoes of the sex they find attractive.

Some men enjoy masturbating into socks (also noted in PORTNOY'S COMPLAINT). The
longer athlete type sock works well if roll up, because the rolled part
provides a grip on the base of the penis. Pull it on over the penis and rub.
Other articles of clothing, handkerchiefs, towels, may also work. If cloth
directly provides too much friction, a condom or a plastic bag used as a liner,
and lubricated may help, and also makes clean up easier.

Feathers and brushes often produce pleasant sensations. "Push" is the word used
to describe teddy bears and stuffed animals and similar goods. Some people find
these very satisfactory.

4.0.2. Food Some people will masturbate with food. All warnings given for non-
sexual objects apply here as well. Men will generally want something large and
fleshy, that can be hollowed out to make a tube which can accommodate the erect
penis. A cored apple, orange, grapefruit, or melon is often used. One person
suggested cutting off the end of a banana and hollowing out the inside, leaving
the peel intact. Some kind of tape (like masking tape) should be wound around
the banana several times to add strength and keep the skin from bursting.
Another contributor has suggested pasta packed into an object, like a coffee
can, and hollowed out. Portnoy (again) reports using liver. Many suggestions of
this type suggest microwaving or otherwise heating the object. Be sure,
however, that any such object is sufficiently cooled. Remember, stuff that
seems cool enough to the finger's touch, may still be too hot if wrapped around
the penis.

Women will generally want fruits or vegetables that are the dimensions of an
erect penis, such as cucumbers, bananas, and carrots. Note that anything very
sugary that may leave a residue in the vagina will be seen as party time for
yeast. Also carbonated beverages or anything that may introduce gas to the
vagina can be dangerous under certain circumstances. Things that may break off
cannot be recommended for anal use.

4.0.3 Homemade Insertee Devices.

The FAQ for alt.sex.wizards contains (or used to contain) directions for making
a simulacrum (artificial vagina). The FAQ for a.s.m. used to have an exact copy
of that material. This lengthy and detailed material has been replaced here
with the following general remarks.

Avoid glass or brittle plastic in building anything you intend to stick your
penis into. Ridged parts are required in only one of the devices described
below.

1) Device based on foam rubber.

The idea of these devices is to cut a slit in a fairly large block of foam
rubber. Because the foam rubber will give when thrust against, the block needs
to be a lot longer than the penis. The raw foam will probably be too rough for
most people to enjoy, so the slit is lined with a long plastic tube. It is held
in place on the business end by attaching it to an O-ring that is much larger
around than the penis and is too large to go into the slit in the foam rubber.

2) Devices based on leather.

This device is made of a large piece of soft leather that is finished (smooth)
on one side and an elastic bandage. The device is formed by placing the leather
on an object that is cylindrical and approximately the size of the penis. Two
or three broomsticks put together may be about right. The elastic bandage (the
wider the better) is wrapped around the leather. The wrapping should not be
very tight at all. The device is completed when removed from the form, although
it needs to be seasoned in the same way as a baseball glove. The device should
be cleaned regularly, but because it cannot be entirely disinfected it should
not be used by more than one person. Also, it tends to conform to the size of
its user over time, and won't fit anyone else right.

3) Device based on bicycle innertube.

This device requires a section of bicycle innertube, a large automobile hose
clamp, and a piece of PVC pipe that is bigger around than the penis. One end of
the section of bicycle innertube is stretched to fit over one end of the pipe
and is secured with the hose clamp. The loose end of the bicycle tube is then
poked into the pipe (turned inside out). This forms a funnel-shaped elastic
tube inside the pipe.

One-time versions of this device can be made by stretching the open end of a
condom over a wide-mouthed plastic tumbler and securing the condom with tape.

4.0.4 Commercial sleeves All of these have one thing in common. They have a
sleeve into which the penis is inserted. Beyond that, there are any number of
gimmicks and add-ons to make things more interesting. One caveat emptor here:
Try to get a good look at what you're buying before you pay. A lot of these
things come in boxes that do not allow you to actually SEE the apparatus. If
the store you're buying it from won't let you open it up and examine it, you
should seriously consider not buying it. If it's good, the company that made it
shouldn't have anything to hide. Most of these products are extremely over
priced for the material and design work in them. Look for cheaper alternatives.

One of the best sleeves that was ever commercially available was the Jak-Pack.
When inflated with air, it was a long doughnut-shaped device, and the degree of
inflation controlled the tightness of "hole." But like all such devices, it
would eventually spring a leak, and it was not as cheap as it could be. Alert
shoppers noticed that a kind of swimming aid sold for children (meant to be
fitted around the upper arm and probably not very effective as life preserver)
was almost exactly the same thing and sold at a fraction of the price. Another
caveat emptor: Be very suspicious of anything that promises a hands-off,
trouble free jerk-off. Most of them will not deliver, unless you are
particularly sensitive to whatever gimmick is working on you. The real problem
is that the human hand is far more sensitive and stimulating that you might
usually think, and most of these devices just cannot compete.

By the by, look out for plastic seams. Not only will seams tend to open and
make the device useless, but some which are hardly detectible to the touch of a
finger will feel like a razor blade to the penis.

1) The sleeve

The cheapest devices have smooth sleeves which are easy to clean but offer very
low friction and penile stimulation. Better sleeves have textured interiors,
some with bumps, spines, rings or ribs, to rub against the penis for added
stimulation. This may be a little to much for many men. Those described as
"flesh like" are fairly clammy and sticky. Curiously, very smooth surfaces will
tend to stick to the penis rather than glide over it. Satin finishes (very tiny
as-if-woven patter) with lube will feel smoother than shiny, smooth looking
surfaces. Most of these things look more effective than they are.

2) Vibrators

Some sleeves come with vibrators on them, usually one (located at the top)
perhaps a second one located at the bottom (for testicle stimulation).
Vibrators can be fun or they can be an annoyance, or both. They vibrate, but
they tend to do it by a buzzing sensation that you may or may not enjoy.
Generally speaking, vibrators produce an intense and interesting sensation, but
won't by themselves get most men off. They simply don't have the length of
stroke necessary, and it is not a hands-off experience. (What's more, many of
them vibrate side-to-side.)

3) Pumps

Some sleeves come with pumps--a plastic tube and bulb. You insert yourself and
pump up the sleeve around you for a tighter fit. This may be a welcome feature,
and it gives one a squeezing sensation, but (as with the vibrators) is probably
not going to be enough just by itself. 4) Warmth features Some sleeves are made
so that they can be warmed up, either by pouring in warm water into a jacket,
or by simply immersing the device in warm water and letting it heat up. Warmth
is a fine thing in these devices, especially on initial contact, but most of
sleeves will warm to ambient temperature just from being handled. USE CAUTION:
even water that seems tepid flowing over your wrist will seem very warm in a
sleeve surrounding your penis. Many hot water heaters provide water as hot as
120 F or hotter, and this certainly can scald the genital area.

5) Facades

It is amazing me how many of these things have a special end that is made to
look special: like a vagina, a mouth, or an anus. But of course they don't look
real at all, you won't be able to see the painted up end of the device when it
is in use, and the end doesn't do any of the work. Don't be fooled. Look at the
sleeve. If the sleeve is cheap and featureless, then having a shell that is
painted up won't help at all.

6) Vacuums

Some sleeves have pumps that suck the air out (almost always hand-operated),
and usually promise a fellatio effect. Suction by itself is generally not
enough. There are machines that will use vacuum changes to make a flexible
plastic sleeve crawl up and down an erect penis. This DOES work, but the
machines cost hundreds of dollars and require a custom fitted sleeve to work
properly. You won't find them for $20 or $40 in an adult store.

4.0.5. Dolls

Often called "party" or "love" dolls, these are usually inflatable balloons
that are designed to look like women or men. Often the only difference between
the male and female dolls is that the male has a little paint on his chest to
suggest hair and comes with a dildo that can be anchored in what is the vaginal
slit of the female dolls. They are made out of latex plastic and resemble
inflatable pool toys. They tend to have a strong latex smell that will remain
with the doll until you wash it (probably more than once). Some dolls,
supposedly are not inflatable--they are "solid," but evidently such dolls are
not common in the trade because we have no reports on them.

Prices for dolls begin at around $15 to $20 and top off around $100. Most of
them (especially the more expensive models) come in boxes that give no
indication of what the actual doll looks like. Almost any picture on the box
will be a drawing or photograph of a real woman or man. In fact, most of the
dolls look like cartoons at best. If the doll looking "real" is important to
you, you probably won't find anything satisfactory on the market. Store
manikins are about 100 times more real looking than the best dolls.

1) The basic doll

Dolls are pretty simple, whether they are cheap or expensive. Basically they
are a plastic, inflatable form with a sleeve located where the vagina would be
(male-dolls have a dildo where the penis would be). The sleeve is usually the
same latex plastic as the doll skin, shaped into a tube. It offers very little
friction when used with lubricant (and lubricant is a must), so most people
will probably not care for it.

The cheapest female dolls have only one sleeve, located where the vagina would
be. Some dolls come with "french" and/or "greek" features. French means that it
has a sleeve located in the mouth for simulating fellatio. Greek means that it
has a sleeve in the rear for anal sex. In many male dolls, the dildo can be
removed, and there is a sleeve there because such dolls are basically the same
in male and female versions except for paint and the dildo.

The dolls generally will assume only one position. Most dolls are modeled so
that they are lying down, ready for vaginal sex using the missionary position.
Their knees don't bend so anal sex would have to be done close to the same way
(doggie style is much more difficult). Fellatio can also be awkward. In
addition some dolls have faces made of a harder plastic and the oral opening is
just not large enough for many penises. Perhaps this is supposed to simulate a
toothy blow job. The dildos on the male dolls won't assume any useful position.

2) Life-like features

More expensive dolls may have built-up features, such as breasts and a face.
The breasts will vary depending on the quality of the doll, but good ones will
have solid-filled latex breasts with formed nipples. The face will have built-
up lips, a nose, and eyes. Some dolls comes with wigs, which are either molded
on or can be slipped on.

3) "Action"

Some dolls come with vibrators. Usually it'll be something like an egg-shaped
vibrator with a battery powered control unit. You insert the egg up the anal
sleeve and feel the vibrations in the vaginal sleeve. How effective this is
depends on your sensitivity to the vibrator action.

4) Talking

Some dolls supposedly talk dirty. Expect this to be a cheap "chatty Kathy" type
device that will be tinny and won't sound real.

5) Clothes

Some dolls come with clothing--usually lingerie or pantyhose. If the doll is
highly priced for this feature, consider buying the clothing elsewhere. If
you're embarrassed or don't really know the size, ask a salesperson and say
it's for a gift. Lingerie salespeople are used to men who are embarrassed and
don't know anything about women's clothes. Unless you tell them, they won't
know (nor care) why you are buying the clothes.

6) Weight ratings

Most of the more expensive dolls have a weight rating on the side, which is how
much weight the doll can expect to carry before it pops. Heavier rated dolls
may be more durable, which can save the trouble of patching them. Anyone who
has tried to keep pool toys in one piece knows that all of them will wear out,
the cheaper ones sooner than the expensive ones, and that patching will only do
so much good.

7) Other

There are a variety of other gimmicks and features. The best policy is simply
to look in the box and see what you get, but barring that--be skeptical. If a
doll promises something special, ask yourself what it would be that would
fulfil the promise--especially something cheap.

The dolls are a lot of hassle to inflate, store, clean up, and patch. Most
people won't get as much use out of them as they might think. Although the more
expensive models may last longer and have a few more gimmicks, they are not
really that much better than the cheap model for their purpose. It might be
wise to get a cheap version first. By the time it pops, you'll have a better
idea whether you are really willing to spend the money for a more expensive
version.

4.0.6 Vibrators

Women have long used vibrators for masturbation, but some men (both straight
and gay) are finding uses for them as well. Vibrators generally come in three
basic styles: the first is the massager, and clamps onto the back of your hand.
Women may enjoy it, but most men will find it unsuitable because it's hard to
stroke the penis with the dead weight of motor on the back of the hand.

The second style is the wand type--shaped like a tube with a rounded end, or
like a dildo. These are generally lighter, can be battery powered (no cords to
get in the way) and can be inserted.

CAUTION: Dildo-shaped vibrators are usually made of a brittle plastic that can
crack or break. The devices are generally not suitable for anal insertion or
deep vaginal penetration. They are not generally well secured to their bases
and they are short enough that they may become lost all too easily.

The last kind is hand-held unit with attachments that can be added onto the end
of it.

CAUTION: Any device using line power (that plugs into the wall) has the
potential of being a shock hazard, and all the more so when used around water,
plumbing, or in (or on) moist areas. Read and observe manufacturers' warnings.

Women may find the buzzing of the vibrator is enjoyable, either when held
against the clitoris or inserted into the vagina or both. It can also be used
to stimulate other parts of the body. Men may also find the sensations
enjoyable--on various places around the penis, the scrotum, the anus, or
anywhere else on the body. Vibrators with a collection of attachments may be
particularly favored by men, since some have cups on the ends for the penis
head, and attachments that may feel good against other places. Units sold as
massagers sometime really are good for nonsexual massage, but the battery-
powered dildo-shaped devices are seldom good for this purpose.

Vibrators have a growing acceptance in society, and it is becoming easier to
find them. Sex shops will have the widest variety, but department stores often
stock them as "personal massagers." If you're embarrassed to be looking at
them, don't be. Vibrators do have non-sexual uses, and many people do use them
for sore muscles as well. But doing double duty is a nice advantage.

4.0.7 Vacuums

Vacuums are controversial. While they are available on the market as sex toys,
there are numerous complaints and horror stories of problems that can occur
while using them. Extreme care and caution should be followed when using these
devices, and avoiding them entirely may be for the best.

Vacuums tend to be used by men. There are generally two kinds of vacuums,
powered and non-powered.

The non-powered ones tend to be glass tubes with a gasket on the end, and a
tube coming out the other with a hand pump attached. The man inserts his penis
into the gasketed end and forms a seal, then uses the hand pump to create
suction. These items are generally sold as penis enlargers, but are often sold
as masturbation devices as well. Whether or not you respond to suction alone is
a matter of personal enjoyment, but most men need something more. WARNINGS:
Almost all of these devices are made of brittle plastic or glass which may
shatter or crack. A quick-release valve should be considered an essential
safety feature. Use of these devices for long periods of time or with extreme
suction can be dangerous.

No device can permanently increase the size of the penis, but there have some
reports of good results in older men who can no longer achieve full erections
due to impaired circulation.

Powered vacuums have a motor that does the work. Sex shops sell these--a hand-
held vacuum unit with a sleeve on the end. Between the sleeve and the suction,
it becomes a powered masturbation device. Many men, again, do not find the
suction effect to be particularly enjoyable, and some toss the motor and keep
the sleeve.

Women may enjoy the suction action of a vacuum, by using a canister vacuum (as
opposed to an upright) and using the hose to direct suction to erogenous zones
like the clitoris or nipples. Caution should be used whenever you use a motor
or moving parts as part of a masturbation device, since if you catch your penis
in the motor, you may end up getting hurt. Small rechargeable vacuums, like the
DUSTBUSTER for instance, have a little fan attached to the motor, and it can
wreak havoc with sensitive parts.

WARNINGS: Some parts of the body (such as the vagina) probably should never be
exposed to the extreme suction that many household vacuum cleaners can produce.
Any prolonged or extreme suction to any part of the body is likely to produce
tissue damage.

4.0.8 Dildos

"In Texas, if you own 6 or more dildos, you're a felon. If you own 5 or less,
you're a hobbyist". -- Molly Ivins

Dildos are sometimes used for masturbation by people of both sexes. Although
penetration is not really necessary for most women to achieve orgasm, some
women like the sensation of fullness that a dildo provides. Men may have
similar reasons for using dildos, but often the object is provide stimulation
to the prostate which is the source of ejaculation.

Dildos can be bought in a variety of shapes, sizes, lengths and styles. Some of
them resemble penises more than others do. As the concept of a dildo is fairly
simple, the principle considerations are safety. The same considerations apply
to household objects that might be considered for use as a dildo.

Dildos should be long and have a wide base. The object of this advice is not to
suggest that the full length of the dildo should be inserted, but to ensure
that the dildo can be retrieved. All ridged, brittle, or breakable materials
should be eliminated from consideration. This goes not only for substances like
glass, wood, or brittle plastic, but also for substances that can separate,
such as bananas or some of the "lifelike" rubber devices. Some commercial
dildos contain metal springs, wires or other forms. These should be rejected if
they can be detected because of the possibility of the wire or spring coming
out of its soft cover, for if it does it almost certainly will damage delicate
vaginal or anal tissue. Dildos do not have to be especially large in
circumference to produce a pleasantly-full sensation.

Dildos are fairly poor at providing prostate stimulation because the prostate
is not very deep at all, but it is a bit out of the way. Some slender devices
with a crook in them have a much better chance of hitting pay dirt.

Dildos should not be shared without careful washing and disinfection, and
dildos used for anal penetration should not be used for vaginal penetration
without disinfection, even if they are used by only one person.

4.0.9 Lubes

WARNING: Although not a consideration in masturbation, oil-based lubes will
weaken latex condoms and may make them ineffective in preventing disease
transmission or pregnancy.

General considerations:

Lubes are applied to the most sensitive areas of the body. Some things that do
not irritate other parts of the body may burn or sting or cause allergic
reactions when applied to sexual areas. Often the cause of irritation is
perfumes or dyes. Simpler and cheaper products usually contain few of these.
For example, baby oil is simply perfumed mineral oil. If you don't want the
perfume, get plain mineral oil. Some products which can be used comfortably
will irritate if left on the body for long periods of time.

1) Known to be condom safe

K-Y Jelly: not so good for masturbation because it tends to become sticky and
ball up if exposed to the air for a long time.

2) Known to be condom unsafe

Albolene (a facial creme): very good.

Baby Oil: good, may be too light weight for some.

Corn Husker's Lotion: good. Good also if hands are calloused. Cheap. Does not
have as many perfumes an additives as some hand/body lotions.

Lubriderm Lotion: expensive. Has some additives that may irritate.

Men's Cream: adult product, made for jacking off

Mineral Oil (same as Baby Oil but without perfume)

Vaseline Petroleum Jelly: good, but hard to wash off.

Spit: although water-based, may contain enzymes that harm latex. Always
available. Dries out, requires reapplication. Not slick enough for some people.

3) Not known

hair gel (like Dippety Doo): like K-Y, may dry out, may contain irritating
additives. Nice consistency. Works well with insertee toy.

4.0.10 Jack-off Machines

There have been several fairly expensive machines that really will masturbate
men (and with some attachments, women). One of the first of these was the Accu-
Jac. Most such machines are expensive because they are more or less custom
made. The currently popular one is the Venus II.

All of them pretty much work on the same principle. There is a control box
which contains a pump and various controls for adjusting the pump, a plastic
tube, and a more-or-less flexible plastic cylinder. In some machines the
cylinder has to be carefully fitted to size of the user's penis; in others, a
liner allows use of cylinders which are one of several standard sizes.

The pump does not just suck. It draws air out of the cylinder and then returns
air to the cylinder. This cause the cylinder to move up and down on the penis.
There are controls to adjust the length of stroke and the frequency of stroke.

Some machines come with attachment to fit in the cylinders which are
essentially little dildos that can be made to poke in and out from the end of
the cylinders. These come in sizes appropriate for vaginal or anal use. Some
machines can accommodate four tubes, with or without separate controls,
allowing four people to use the machine at once or two people to use two tubes
each at once (i.e. for penile and anal, or vaginal and anal stimulation at the
same time).

These machines usually get good reviews from users of the penile stimulation
aspects, and less good reviews from users of the other features. The sensation
of the penile stimulation is described as: "The feeling is like being jerked
off by someone wearing a Vaseline-coated latex glove, except the machine is
adjustable to 'stroke' at between one stroke every 2 seconds (very teasing but
not enough to cause orgasm) to about 75 strokes per second (faster than anyone
can move a hand). At the maximum speed, if causes me to cum in about 1 minute
whether I was 'horny' or not when starting. In fact, it literally forces me to
cum. At about 10 per second, I can hold back for about 10 minutes. It was worth
the investment." (About the Venus II.)

This story is part of White_Shadow's_Nasty_Stories.
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