****** Blind Love by phongl@microbio.ucla.edu ******
===============================================================================

Blind Love


Thomas was a childhood friend of mine, and he was a good kid. But when he was
around fourteen, he started to deal drugs, selling crack and weed. He made a
lot of money, but Thomas had a problem. Unlike the older dealers who had cars
and girlfriends to spend their money on, Thomas couldn't spend his money on
anything without attracting attention from his parents. He didn't even get a
girlfriend.

But the more time Thomas spent around the older drug dealers, the more he heard
about sex. The older kids were constantly talking about pussy this, and hoes
sucking that, and it was all a mystery to Thomas. He was afraid to ask any
questions, because he was too embarrassed by the fact that he was still a
virgin. Finally he made up his mind. Thomas took some of his money, he went out
and he bought himself a telescope.

Now Thomas lived in one of those high-rise housing projects you often find in
big cities. With his powerful, new telescope, Thomas could look into apartments
that were miles from his bedroom window. He spent endless nights looking
through cracks in curtains and breaks in blinds to find hints of love. Finally
one night, he came upon a window whose curtains were left wide open. Inside the
apartment, a woman sat smoking a cigarette. Kneeling beside her was a naked
man. Every once in a while, the woman would flick the cigarette ash into the
man's mouth. This confused Thomas, but he was also fascinated by it.
Instinctively he began to play with himself, and pretty soon he came. When he
went to bed, the woman was still flicking ash into the man's mouth.

Thomas spent every night after that watching this lady. Night after night, the
woman brought home different men. And she would humiliate them in the most
extraordinary way. She made one crawl on all four like a dog. Another she tied
up and whipped. Still another, she dressed up like a woman. Thomas told me that
she always left the curtains open, as if inviting anyone to look in so to add
to the shame of the men she was with. Thomas watched her for over two years.
During that time, he tracked down the building in which she lived, her
apartment number and even her name... Goldie.

One night, Thomas watched Goldie being particularly harsh on a forty something
years old man. He was on all fours, and she was pulling on him with a leash and
collar. She was also whipping him constantly. Thomas was trying to jerk himself
off when he saw the man get up from the floor. Suddenly the man swung a vicious
punch at Goldie face. She flew clear across the room. The man picked Goldie up
and continued to beat her face. Thomas watched in horror. His hands were still
on his penis, but he was too stunned to move. Finally he picked up the phone
and dialed 911.

When the police came, the man had already fled. Goldie was badly battered and
was lying on the floor. The police had to call an ambulance to bring Goldie to
the hospital. Thomas didn't know which hospital Goldie stayed at, and he
checked her window every night. He began to fear that she might be dead. He
hoped though that she just moved out. Finally after two weeks, Goldie returned.
Her face had a few stitches and it was still badly bruised, but she seemed OK.

Thomas was overjoyed. He began to watch Goldie religiously, noticing every
detail about her. He realized for the first time that she likes to cook. She
often made French dishes with a lot of cream sauces. And she loves to eat
chocolates. Her favorite colors are pink and purple. Thomas also stopped
playing with himself when he watched her. He became very angry whenever she
brings a client home now. Quite often when she was with a John, he would call
the police and report that the man was beating her up. When the police knocks
on her door, the John would often be too embarrassed to continue.

After many more months of watching Goldie, Thomas got a job in her building to
be closer to her. He became a doorman. One of a doorman's job was to accept and
sign for packages. Thomas did this, but instead of giving Goldie her packages,
he would steal them and take them home. He took the pieces of clothes or books
she had ordered and he would lay them on his bed. He went to sleep beside them.

Goldie meanwhile began to notice that she wasn't receiving her packages. One
day, fed up, she went to the lobby to demand an explanation. Thomas was
working.

"Hey," she yelled. "Where are my packages? The companies told me someone here
signed for them. You know where they are?"

Thomas could not speak. This was the first time she ever looked directly at
him, and he was in total awe. It must have been something in his face that gave
him away, but at that moment, Goldie knew that this doorman, this boy who was
barely seventeen years old, had been stealing her mail.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

Thomas still could not speak, but finally he was able to whisper, "I want to
have dinner with you."

And for a second, Goldie was too shocked to speak. But she recovered quickly.
At that moment she decided in her mind that she was going to teach in boy a
lesson.

"OK," Goldie replied to Thomas' surprise. "Pick me up at eight. Bring my
stuff."

She turned and walked away without another word. Thomas was beside himself with
joy. He ran all the way home. He took out the money he had earned over the
year, and he went out and bought himself a suit. He even bought Goldie tulips
and a box of chocolates, the best from Belgium.

That night sitting in the restaurant with Goldie was the happiest moments of
Thomas' life. He had dreamed of taking her out for a long time, and now it had
finally come true. He adored her silently as he watched her eat. Goldie on the
other had considered Thomas as a curiosity.

"So how do you know so much about me?" she asked.

"I've been watching you," Thomas replied. "I've been watching you for over
three years."

"What have you seen?" Thomas was silent. "Did you see the men I was with?"

Thomas nodded. "I saw you that night."

"What night?"

"That night you got beat up. I watched you."

"What did you do? Did you jerk off?"

"I called the police."

Goldie was caught by surprised, but she recovered.

"I asked you if you jerked off when you watch me."

"I use to," Thomas said. "Now I just watch you."

Goldie stared at Thomas. He did not seem like the horny teenager she first
thought he was. He was a gentleman, acting years older than his age. But she
sensed he seemed a little naive. "What do you want to do now?" Goldie asked.

"I want..." Thomas stuttered. "I want to love you."

Goldie was surprised again at his answer. "Thomas, are you a virgin?"

Thomas was silent. For so long, he had been lying to his friends about how many
girls he fucked. Sitting before Goldie, he could not lie. He didn't even want
to lie. He whispered, "Yes."

Goldie sat back in her chair. She considered Thomas for a moment. Then she made
a decision.

"Thomas," she said. "Why don't you pay the check. We'll go back to my place,
and we'll see if we can fix your problem."

When they got back to Goldie's apartment, they were both without words. Neither
knew that in the next few moments, their lives would change forever, but they
both sense that something important was about to happen. Goldie was the first
to speak.

"Sit on the couch, Thomas. I'll be back."

Goldie disappeared into the bedroom. When she returned, she was wearing a black
dominatrix outfit. It was something Thomas had seen before, but it was as if he
was seeing it and her for the first time. He watched her walk across the room
in awe.

"I see you haven't taken off you clothes," Goldie said.

Thomas looked down at his himself. He didn't know that this was what he was
supposed to do. He shook his head in shame.

"OK," Goldie said. She knelt in front of Thomas and opened his legs. She had
her hands on his ankle, and she slowly moved up his legs.

"Thomas," she said. "I want you to keep your eyes on me. That's right. Look at
me."

She continued to feel up his legs, squeezing his thighs just gently. She locked
her eyes on Thomas' eyes. She had him in a trance.

Suddenly, Thomas shuddered. His eyes closed, and he squeezed them tightly.
Goldie looked down, and she saw a wet spot on Thomas' crotch area. He had came
all over himself. Goldie also noticed that her hands had not reach his penis
yet.

"Jesus," she whispered. "I didn't even touch it yet."

She looked up and saw Thomas' head bent in shame. She took his chin and had him
look at her. She said.

"You see? That's all there is to it. There is no love."

Thomas' face broke. It was as if in an instant, he was transformed from a
teenager into a old man. As he sat there looking at Goldie, he had never felt
more humiliated. Suddenly he pushed her off him and he ran out the door.

When Thomas got home, he wept. He wasn't crying because he ejaculated before he
was supposed to. He cried because he realized that he was in love with Goldie,
and he knew she had no feelings for him. He went into the bathroom, ran himself
a tub of hot water, got in, took a razor blade and slit his wrists. He was
bleeding to death when his mother found him.

A few weeks later, Goldie was cleaning up her apartment when she found a
wallet. It was Thomas'. She opened it up and she saw his driver's license.
There was a picture of him, smiling. He looked so happy, she thought, so full
of life and energy, as if he had the whole world to look forward to. And then
she remembered his face that night she was with him. And she felt badly. The
least I can do, she thought to herself, is to return his wallet. She went
downstairs to the lobby and asked the doorman about Thomas, but the doorman
told her Thomas had not been to work in weeks. When she asked where she could
find him, the doorman said he didn't know.

Goldie realized finally that she had his address after all. It was written on
his driver's license. She took a cab to the city's housing projects, and after
searching through rows and rows of buildings that all look alike, she found
his. When she knocked on the apartment door, Thomas' mother opened it.

"Hi," Goldie said. "I found Thomas' wallet, and I want to return it."

"Thank you," the mother said. She took the wallet and started to close the
door.

"Ma'am," Goldie put her hand on the door. "Where's Thomas? What happened to
him?"

The mother looked at Goldie silently. Goldie felt a burning sensation on her
face. She did not know why. Suddenly, she said, "He was a doorman in my
building. We were...friends. He hasn't been to work."

Goldie did not know why she lied, but she felt she had to say something, and
she couldn't say the truth.

"Thomas is sick," the mother said.

"Is he OK," Goldie asked but not knowing why again.

The mother looked at Goldie. "No, he's not. He tried to kill himself three
weeks ago."

Goldie stared at the mother in shock. Finally when she could speak, she asked,
"Is he here? Will you let me see him, please Ma'am? Please?"

The mother let her in, but Goldie halfway pushed herself through the door. When
she went into Thomas' room, she saw him lying on the bed. His entire forearms
are bandaged. His eyes were also covered with bandages.

"What," Goldie said. "What happened to his eyes?"

The mother said, "He poured salt into his eyes the first night he came home
from the hospital. He's blind now."

Goldie gasped. She sat down on the chair beside Thomas. She could not speak.
The most she could do was to keep herself from yelling out in horror. Finally,
she said

"Ma'am, may I stay here with him for a little while."

The mother looked at Goldie. She turned and walked out of the room. She closed
the door behind her.

"Thomas," Goldie said. "Are you awake? It's me, Goldie. I came to return your
wallet. You forgot it at my place. Are you awake, Thomas? Please say something.
Please?"

Thomas did not move. Only his chest rose and fell with his breathing.

Goldie did not know what to do, whether to stay or leave. She just sat there.
She waited for three hours, but nothing changed. Finally, it was getting dark.
She looked around the room for the first time, and she noticed the telescope
sitting on the table by the window. She walked up to the telescope and peered
into the viewfinder. She saw her apartment. It seemed different to her, almost
as if it was someone else's place. But she knew it was hers. She continued to
look and she realized how empty the apartment was. How desolate her life was.
How utterly alone she was in this world.

Suddenly she started to cry. She knew at that moment, of all the men she had
known, none had loved her except Thomas. But she was crying not for herself.
She was crying for Thomas. She had destroyed him. She had destroyed his life,
because she had destroyed his belief in love. Goldie was so ashamed. She was
weeping softly when she heard Thomas' voice.

"I don't watch anymore."

Goldie could not see anything; it had become too dark. She listened for Thomas,
but there was only silence. She could not even hear him breathe.


That's the end of the story. They never saw one another again. I made a promise
to my friend before he died to find Goldie and deliver a message to her. If you
the lady in the story, please e-mail me at phongl@microbio.ucla.edu

Thank you

This story is part of White_Shadow's_Nasty_Stories.
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