****** Mother Domination by Stephanie ******
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Mother Domination


My mother domination over my bodily functions and "femaleness" led me to adopt
some of the following beliefs as I was trained to believe:

1. Your period is basically good and you should enjoy it but you have a
responsibility to know exactly how to care for yourself and your feminine
hygiene needs as taught by your mom.

2. You need to monitor and control your vaginal secretions, urination, and
bowel movements daily and do more so during your period to be healthy as a
woman.

3. You need to only wear pads with belts (initially that was all that was
available until I was 17) until you are married and then tampons should only be
worn rarely.

4. You need to touch yourself daily on your breasts/nipples and clitoris/vagina
and anus (several times weekly and daily during your period).

5. While I was never told to do so I believe I was encouraged by the directives
from my mom to masturbate regularly and more than once daily (during my period)
since age 13 when my periods started.

My mom completely dominated me for 3-5 days before my period, during my flow
days, and 2-3 days after my period flow stopped but she also dominated me and
my 'femaleness' throughout the monthly cycle. I now know that is was not
accidental that our bathroom door had no lock on it as this allowed her to
"walk in unexpectedly" at any time. Since no menstrual sanitary pads were
allowed to be kept in the bathroom but rather in the closet in the hallway
outside the bathroom she was always camped out by the bathroom door whenever I
entered the bathroom during my period and at other times as well. I could never
decide a pad needed to be changed without going into the bathroom and checking
first and answering her questions through the door about how much flow was on
the pad and on which parts of the pad, etc. and she always had final say about
whether she would give me a new pad after opening the door to allow me to
change it. She did similar things when I used the bathroom to take a bath she
might ask me to look at my inner folds and clitoris to see how much discharge
was there and would often direct me to 'clean myself using a Q-tip brand cotton
swab and baby oil' which was intensely stimulating for me sexually. I now know
she had a way to peep through The door at see me at all times when I was in the
bathroom. I always felt guilty if I ever did not do as directed exactly as she
would confront me verbally on the other side of the door by making me have to
lie which I could not do so I always did end up doing everything I was told to
do..... while she watched me at all times....... When it was not my period she
might ask me to comment on the stains, discharge and scent in the crotch of my
panties as if she wanted to know if 'everything was healthy down there as a
young woman'.

My mom while on the other side of the bathroom door directed me in the
following tasks:

1. Giving myself disposable enemas and holding it and releasing with permission
only while sitting on the toilet.

2. Douching myself with disposable douches while sitting on the toilet with
legs spread wide open (most likely for her view).

3. Inserting dildos of various kinds (sometimes with baby oil, KY Water soluble
Jelly or Vaseline) vaginally or anally. I did this for several years without
even know I was using a dildo or sex toy as she had names and explanations of
various kinds which I had no reason to question (e.g., healthy vagina inserter,
anal pre or post enema tool). I was told that girls and women never discuss
these duties with each other, only with their moms.

4. Inserting a finger in my vagina and keeping it in with legs spread wide open
for several minutes and removing it when directed and wiping my finger off on
my current pad (during my period) or on the crotch panel of my panties (non-
period days).

5. Trimming my pubic hair very short to expose my inner folds, clitoral hood,
and vaginal opening completely on a monthly basis on the first day of my
period.

6. Massaging my clitoris, inner folds, nipples and/or anus with baby oil while
nude sitting on the toilet and/or standing with legs spread wide open. This
occurred most often before getting into my bath.

7. This last one was most unusual but I did it like everything else I was told
to do----I was directed to insert my middle finger in my vagina (either before
peeing or after peeing) and keeping inside myself while having a bowel movement
or enema.

I was given two sanitary pad holders for my purse and one was for new clean
pads and the other was for my soiled pads to bring home 'for disposal' like a
lady and my mom told me it was 'unlady-like' for a girl or women to use the
public restroom disposal containers. So I did as directed and brought them home
wrapped in toilet tissue after folding and put them in the bathroom wastebasket
(for inspection by my mom no doubt). Sometimes my mom would greet me at the
door during my period by saying something like: "Honey, let me take your purse
for you and empty it for you while you relax/study/watch TV/get a snack, etc."
Her purposes for doing this were many --- Inspect my soiled pads to see if I
"changed them at the appropriate time or not", remove any new clean pads from
my purse so she always controlled when I could have a fresh pad, and three to
decide if I kept my anus lubed well enough with the Vaseline Petroleum Jelly I
had to carry in my purse---perhaps every other day or so she said she was
concerned about me getting sore and irritated and I was asked to go in the
bathroom right away to apply the Jelly to my anus while she directed me (and
watched me of course) from the other side of the bathroom door. It made no
sense then but I now see why I had to bend over and spread my cheeks with one
hand and use the other to apply the Vaseline Jelly for what often seem like a
minute or two of massage while my rear "had to face the bathroom door."