Storiesonline.net ------- Too Far by RPSuch Copyright© 2004 by RPSuch ------- Description: How far will a wife go to fulfill her fantasy and what would it cost her? Codes: MF no-sex cons non-con het cheat ------- I am not a stupid man. No doubt many of you will disagree when you understand the situation in which I found myself. I had the hubris to believe that I was perceptive and insightful. Had this been true, things would have happened very differently. From the first I knew that Carol was willful. When she wanted something, there were few things she would not do to get it. She played it down while we were dating. She almost made it seem admirable, this single-mindedness in pursuit of a goal. I guess when she decided she wanted me, she pursued me with the same zeal. It was certainly flattering to be pursued, but there was much more to it than that. She was very attractive, intelligent and had a wide range of interests, which made her fun to be with. Truth be told, she had a very nice body although that would have gotten her no more than a first look had she not possessed the rest of the package. She loved to show off the physical package. She bought her clothes according to the SLoT principle, short, low cut and tight. An important part of the experience of going out for Carol was that she be noticed and admired by other men. I think she got an even bigger charge when she got envious looks from other women. She watched her diet and worked out assiduously to make sure that she would remain an object of interest. No amount of reassurance from me would suffice to convince her she was still hot. She required outside validation. The early years of our marriage were filled with fun. Carol loved to travel and I had no serious objection, so we did. She would do the research and make the plans. It was actually nice for someone else to have to be in charge sometimes. She would also plan, and insist on, the theater. But what guy wouldn't gladly go along with a woman who would not only watch any sport I chose, but could discuss it knowledgeably? We still had a good marriage, but our blissful, all right happy, married existence was disrupted when I took a job with a computer consulting firm which started sending me out of town frequently. There was nothing we could do about it. Jobs were scarce, let alone good jobs, and we couldn't pay the bills on Carol's income alone. Although we had no children, it had been in our plans. But we agreed that it would be unfair to place most of the burden on Carol while I had to spend so much time away and postponed the thought of any additions to our family. I can't say that I remember many of the nights on the road with any particularity. They run together. The memory of a single night might really just be pieces of many nights jumbled together, like the night I saw those two gorgeous young blondes showing themselves off at a Red Lobster. Nobody has to go to the bathroom that many times during one meal. They walked slowly. They wiggled. I had time to take it all in. I had arrived before them. After ordering, I got to sit at my table and await my meal. I was at the table alone. I had no book to read. I had no dinner partner with whom to share conversation. I was alone with my thoughts. I speculated as to how many people were looking at me and wondering if this was the loser's big night out. No one else ate alone. They all got to share conversation. People would laugh, point at each other; perhaps one would touch another as they spoke. Sometimes I would see someone looking at me. Were they judging? Did it matter? I knew I wasn't a loser but I felt desperately alone, isolated. As they passed, the blondes would cast a sidelong glance, as if making eye contact would make some of whatever caused me to be alone rub off on them. After dinner I went to a minor league baseball game. I love to watch baseball. Thousands of little details make up each game. I sat there among the couples, groups and families. Whatever interest they might have had in the game, they shared their experience. They could have been sharing it somewhere else. It didn't matter. Sharing the experience let them know they were not alone, that they had each other to rely on, to care for. That was not my experience. I had myself and the baseball. I'm not really sure I saw that game the same night I saw the two girls. I'm not even sure what city they called home. Time on the road was mostly a black and white collage of meaningless moments. When you are happily married and on the road, the emptiness of the experience is easy to recognize. You can call your wife every night. What can you say about your day? "I had lunch alone and got back to work and figured out that much of the sales information can be shared with the marketing department." You can tell her you had dinner in the restaurant last night and went back to your room to watch TV. You ask how her day was without you. This scintillating exchange is not the stuff that binds relationships. At best it keeps them on life support. At least she has her friends at home. You are alone. You are likely to meet some attractive and engaging young women during the course of your work. You can't date them. Even if they were willing to save you from the overbearing solitude, it wouldn't be fair to them - the relationship can go nowhere, and it wouldn't be fair to your wife. Such is the carefree existence of a road warrior. Sometimes you will go to the hotel bar for a drink. It's not that you want to drink. But being there among other living, breathing, talking, laughing people is a better reminder that there is life out there in which you might someday participate than just locking yourself away in your cell. Occasionally you will have the opportunity to dance with someone. What a refreshing change it is to be able to share some conversation. It needn't lead anywhere. It won't lead anywhere. But it is human contact. Perhaps I slightly overstate the case. I remember three evenings to distinguish them with sufficient clarity from all the other amorphous nights. Carol had noticed the effects that being away had on me. Occasionally she would sneak something into my suitcase to cheer me up, sometimes a candy bar, sometimes a note to remind me that she missed me as well. On one trip she included a note that promised me a surprise. It was my third week in Chicago and I was having dinner in the hotel restaurant. As I was waiting for my onion soup, looking at the other patrons and wondering what they were thinking about the lonely guy, I heard a woman's voice to my left. "Simon, Simon Newsome." I turned and saw an attractive 5'4' brunette, early 30's, about ten pounds north of perfect. Engagement and wedding ring on the fourth finger of her left hand. Stupid, isn't it? I'm not in any way available, but that glance to check is almost involuntary. "I'm sorry I can't place the face. Do I know you? " "No, you don't. My name's Annie Carson. My old friend Carol Newsome asked me to have dinner with you tonight. That wasn't her name when we were friends in college, but I hear she's gotten married to a good-looking guy since then. Do you mind if I join you?" "Of course not." I was stunned. "Carol said you eat by yourself a lot and she wanted you to have company for once." "Wow. She is something special." "Yes, she is. You're a lucky guy." "Amazing. I think this is the most incredible gift I've ever gotten." "You don't know the half of it. She harassed me until I rearranged my whole schedule so I could meet you here." "Carol doesn't know how to take no for an answer." "No, she doesn't. It took her five phone calls to make this happen." "It's good to know how important it is to her to take care of me." "It is. You know, you have a nice smile Simon. Remember to tell that to Carol. She gave you that smile. You sure didn't have one when I came in." "I'm going to have to thank her properly when I get home." "She mentioned that. She said she'll be waiting in her little black nightie for you to thank her when you get home." An attractive man came up to our table. I have no interest in men, but I can distinguish attractive from ordinary. "Simon, this is my husband Richard." I rose and we shook hands. "You seem surprised, Simon," she said. "Did you think your wife was going to set you up with a beautiful temptress while you're lonely and far away from home?" She giggled. "Richard is here as our chaperone. You didn't have any improper thoughts, did you?" "Of course not. That never crossed my mind." I stammered. "You fluster so easily. Carol was right." I had one of my best nights on the road just having dinner with Annie and Richard. It wasn't just that I got to have dinner with enjoyable company, Carol had been thoughtful enough to set it up. I thanked her copiously when I got home. On another trip a memorable incident occurred. I had just finished a swing dance with a fortyish woman whose husband was more interested in drinking than dancing. They were both grateful that I had danced with her although for entirely different reasons. "It's so nice to dance with an attractive young man," she told me. "I'm not that young and you're not that old." "You look like you're barely out of college." "That statement suggests to me that you may have had too much to drink." She laughed. It was an attractive laugh. "I'm 35. College was quite some time ago." She glanced back at her dormant husband. "If I were a few years younger and I didn't have Fred here along, I'd show you a memorable night." "I'm married. And it has already been memorable." She emitted an elongated, satisfied sigh. "Your wife is a lucky woman. With talk like that you could get laid any time you want." "I just want to get home. But you have helped make my absence more bearable. Thank you for dancing with me. Maybe Fred is feeling some of that absence." "I wish," she said as she walked reluctantly back to him. I returned to my drink. I was not as good looking as she had suggested. I was just younger and more engaged than Fred. I'm not bad looking, but I'm also nothing special. The only thing at all remarkable about me is that I have a pretty good build. When I'm on the road, it's easier to forget that I'm lonely when working out in the weight room. So I do it a lot. The side effect was that I had enough lean muscle to make it possible to eat a lot of restaurant food without putting on much flab. I looked up from my drink and saw a vibrant redhead carrying a drink and moving purposefully in my direction. Some lucky guy was going to receive some very pleasant attention. It turned out to be me. "Hi, I'm Sandy." She reached out to shake my hand. "You're a good dancer. Mind if I sit down and talk for a while?" Mind? She was the most gorgeous woman I had seen in all my time on the road. She was the stuff of fantasies. "Sure, if you'd like. It would be my pleasure." That was a substantial understatement. "I don't get out much and I thought it would be nice to talk and maybe dance with a good-looking young guy." Okay, I needed a mirror now. Either I was inhabiting someone else's body or someone had stamped "young guy" on my forehead. She was no more than 25 and could have had any guy in the room. I even think she was hot enough to bring Fred out of hibernation. Why was she coming on to me? "Well, you're in luck. I know how to both dance and talk. Sometimes simultaneously." "And a sense of humor too. Just the kind of guy I'd like to spend some time with." As she said that, she touched my hand for a moment. I didn't know how to respond. This made no sense. If she had gotten to know my intelligence, sense of humor and charm before, maybe she could have had a legitimate interest in me. But based purely on looks, without knowing anything about me I didn't understand how she could be interested. There were several younger, better looking guys just in this bar. How did she focus on me? My curiosity and suspicion resulted in a silence that threatened to become protracted. She saved the day. "Why don't we dance?" I stood and offered her my hand. We walked to the dance floor for some swing. When the dance was finished, the house band switched to something slow. I tried to start back to the table, but she held onto my left hand and put her left arm around my neck. Okay. I can dance slow. Sandy didn't seem to understand that this was a dance. She moved her head toward me so that her right cheek rested against mine. She let go of my left hand with her right and moved it around my neck as well. She moved herself in closer and suddenly I had grown breasts, albeit in the wrong direction. When she moved her hips in, it ceased being dancing and became frottage. It was making me very uncomfortable, particularly as I became aware that if this were to be prolonged, I would likely evidence a socially undesirable response. Mercifully, the song ended before I succumbed and I managed to recapture our table with her clinging to me. Had I been single, we would have immediately departed for my room. I would have capitulated to this irresistible beauty and thrown caution to the winds. But I wasn't single and that represented an immovable obstacle to me. "You know my name but I don't know yours. There can be something exciting and dangerous about that, but I think I would prefer to know your name if you would be willing to part with it." If she had ended the sentence with "withal," I would have thought she was reciting Shakespeare. "I'm Simon." "I find you very attractive, Simon." Why? Maybe she was just a hot single girl out to get laid. But the question remained, why me? My radar had been activated. There was something wrong here even if I couldn't ascertain what it was. In the mean time, I had nothing to lose by acknowledging the compliment. "Thank you. That's a nice thing to say." "I'm very serious, Simon." She took my hands in hers. "I'd enjoy spending the night with you." Why? Am I some kind of idiot? A staggeringly beautiful woman wants to spend the night with me and my reaction is to look around for the candid camera. It didn't matter anyway. Even if my radar had not been engaged, there was a predetermined resolution to this invitation. "I'm attracted to you too, Sandy. Hell, so is every man in the room and probably quite a few of the women. But I'm married." "I know. I saw the ring. You're obviously staying here alone. You're out of town on business. It's just a fling. She'll never know. What's the harm?" "I'll know. It's wrong whether she finds out or not." "Relax. You're out here by yourself. You spend all this lonely time on the road. You deserve a diversion. And I'm sure I would have a nice time too." "I'm sorry, Sandy, I can't. I mean, I guess I'm not even really sorry. It's just not something I can do." "Anything you want, Simon. Any way you want. I can be unforgettable." She spoke sincerely and seductively. She knew how get to a man. There was a distinct possibility that she had never in her life been refused. Until now. "I made some promises when I got married and one of them covers this situation, Sandy. When I give my word, and it is within my power to keep my word, I keep it. You are absolutely the most beautiful, sensual, seductive woman I have ever met, including my wife. But this is something I will not do. God knows I'm going to remember the opportunity I blew, but I won't do it." She seemed very surprised and yet something in her reaction also seemed a little pleased. I couldn't explain it but I'm sure that's what I saw. Of course, I've been wrong before. "I'm sorry to hear that, but I understand. Your wife is a lucky woman." "You're the second woman to say that tonight. Could I get a testimonial to take home?" What a delightful laugh she had. "Don't worry. I'll put it all in my report." A sense of humor too. "You'll need the correct spelling of my name." As enjoyable as this repartee was, I excused myself to return to my room. Now my only problem was whether to tell Carol about the incident. If she were to find out, my explanation for not telling her would be that nothing happened and that she wouldn't have believed me anyway. Why would such a stunning woman come on to me? If I did tell her, she might give me a hard time. She would doubt Sandy's beauty and she might accuse me of trying to flirt. I guess it wasn't that difficult a decision after all. To someone observing us from the outside, it probably looked like Carol was the dominant partner in our relationship. Come to think of it, it probably looked that way to Carol too. She got her way most of the time. It wasn't that I didn't have the backbone to stand up to her. It was that the things about which we disagreed were usually much more important to Carol than to me. For example, I don't know why, but I can't stand green in a home. It is a lovely color for a forest, but I don't think it belongs indoors. Despite knowing that, Carol had her heart set on a lime green loveseat. To me it was a puke green affirmation of bad taste. But it made her happy and I was away often enough that I decided to live with it. I must have seemed even more spineless when it came time for Carol to replace her car. I drove a Honda hybrid. It is my feeling that, since they aren't making any more dinosaurs, we have a responsibility to use as little oil as we can to accomplish what we need. Carol had her heart set on an SUV, a Ford Explorer. She argued that the planet could afford it because I was driving the hybrid. It wasn't just the mileage for me, it was how they make driving more dangerous. You can't see past them making it impossible to scout out and plan for possible traffic difficulties ahead. I was fairly passionate on both issues, but finally decided that, even if I paid the personal price Carol would exact for losing the argument, other people would keep buying the damn things and my sacrifice would not gain anything in the end. As I have said, Carol was relentless when she wanted something. But, to her surprise, she discovered that I was not a complete pushover. If the matter were important enough to me, I could be more than intractable, I might go on the offensive. I think she came to that conclusion the day she told me she wanted to buy some expensive lingerie. I told her that we could not afford it. She immediately jumped into action. "I know how we can afford it." "Here we go again." But I was likely to give in and do without something we needed if she were sufficiently committed to making my life miserable. "You can pad your expenses. Below a certain amount they don't even require receipts." "That's stealing." "Not really. They expect everybody to bump up their expenses." "No they don't. They expect honesty." "Don't be so na‹ve. Everybody does it." "I don't." "Don't give me such a hard time. You always give me such a hard time. I'm asking for something trivial and you get all in my face with this honesty at all costs crap." "Who are you? Do you hear what you're saying?" "You don't have to yell," she said. "You think this is yelling? Keep it up and you'll hear yelling. You're being petty, petulant, abusive and singularly selfish. Some people try to live their lives according to what they believe and you want me to throw it away for a fucking nightgown? I know how you can afford to buy it. Divorce me and get enough in the settlement to buy whatever you want. You're always pushing the limits, Carol, and this time you've gone too far. What are you, a teenager?" "Calm down! It's not that important. Geez, don't go talking about divorce over a nightgown. Talk about escalating the argument. Where did divorce come from?" "When you tell me I have to violate my beliefs to keep you happy, the only logical answer I can give you is that you're going to have to be happy without me, because I won't do it." "I'm, I'm sorry I asked. I wasn't thinking. Of course I wouldn't want you to have to violate your beliefs. I was just, I didn't think of it that way. Please. The lingerie isn't as important to me as you. I'll prove it to you." Carol started unbuttoning her blouse. This was just plain strange. She removed the blouse and stripped off her bra. Her argument was looking just a little better to me. "Here, I'm going to burn it. I want to show you how unimportant it is to me." I grabbed for the bra but she evaded me. "This is silly, Carol. Burning that bra only makes you need to buy another one." "I'm going to burn it." I started to chase after her and she ran across the bed to escape. I realized that I wasn't so angry anymore. I managed to grab her and she started laughing. It was catching. We made up. Some time later I thought back on the argument. I couldn't believe how far she was willing to ask me to go to get what she wanted. I was also far from convinced that this was just an error in judgment. I believed that this was a fight she decided she couldn't win and it would be better for her future demands if she backed down as quickly and completely as she could. Maybe I'm just a suspicious guy. Of course, I had surprised myself in this argument as well. She was right about escalation. I had leaped from being cajoled to threatening divorce. Was it all out of proportion? Likely. Did I mean it? I don't know. My reaction was visceral and not logical as I had suggested. I guess we both understood the ground rules for future confrontations a little better. I hoped she didn't think she could win an argument just by getting naked, as persuasive as that might be. These clashes were infrequent and paled in importance to the good times. Carol and I took advantage of weekends by spending as much time together as we could. By no means were these naked, stay-at-home weekends. I hadn't married her to be a fuck toy. I valued her companionship, her intelligence and her generosity - except for those times she was trying to wheedle something out of me. The movies, museums, games and dinners I had to spend alone out of town, I shared with her on weekends and the odd days I worked locally or had off due to lack of an assignment. I thought we were happy. I may even have been right about that despite subsequent events that cast doubt on that belief. One weekend, lying naked and sweaty in a small pool of bodily fluids, she surprised me with a delightful tidbit. "Some of the girls at work told me their husbands fantasize about watching them with another man. Is that a fantasy you've ever thought about honey?" "Nope. That's something their husbands really fantasized about?" "Some more than fantasized." "Really? I don't get that. Why not just stay single if you want to be with other people?" "They say they're excited by seeing their wives get so much pleasure. How about you? Wouldn't you like to see your honey ecstatic?" I chuckled and lifted the covers. "Does it look like the idea interests me?" "Maybe you don't want to just watch. Maybe you want to join in." "Are you asking for permission?" "Maybe." "Ask your next husband. The current one has no interest. If I wanted us to be screwing around, we'd be single. Lord knows I've had plenty of opportunities on the road. But it's not something I would ever do. You just don't know when to stop, do you?" "Oh, relax. I'm just kidding around. Some of the girls told me about it and I thought it would be fun to tease you. You're always so serious. Can't you take a joke?" Again, my suspicion told me she sensed that she had gone too far, that I was on the verge of unrestrained escalation and she had decided it would be unwise to press the issue. On the other hand sometimes I am too serious and occasionally I'm slow to pick up on a tease as Annie had found out. "In fact, if I found out you were cheating on me, I'd think very seriously about leaving you. At the very least, I would get some nasty revenge," she said. "I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. I'm not interested in anyone but you, Carol." "You better not be." I needed to understand this better. Had I completely misunderstood? "Is this just a fantasy, Carol? Is that what I was overreacting to? I wouldn't want you to be afraid to express your fantasies. Fantasies are just in your imagination. It's not like you really do them. Everyone has fantasies." "Oh? What's your fantasy?" "That same one that almost all straight men have, of being with two women, one of them you. But I would never do anything to make it a reality." "No, you wouldn't. And no, it wasn't a fantasy. I told you I was just fooling around. But look, if it will help you feel better, I'll burn my bra." "That's not the answer to every problem." "Just fooling around." Without any compelling evidence to the contrary, I let it drop. It was a Friday night in Evansville, Indiana and I couldn't get a plane out until morning. This was my fourth straight week on the road and I was relieved that I would get to spend a week at home. Not only was I weary, but I was in pain. I'd had a toothache for the last three days and today I'd picked up a prescription for Percocet and an antibiotic from a local dentist. Pain wears me out and affects my judgment. It's more difficult to concentrate through pain. The work was finished and I was having dinner in the restaurant in my hotel. Not that I wouldn't have eaten but I was supposed to take the Percoset with a meal. Unexpectedly, a pair of female hands covered my eyes from behind. A pair of breasts pressed into my back. I felt her soft hair against my neck as she spoke gently into my ear. "Imagine meeting you here, stranger." We were not strangers. I immediately recognized the voice. "Nicole? What are you doing in Evansville?" "That was too easy." She pretended to pout. "A trip for work. I go back tomorrow. What about you?" "Me too. I've been working here during the week for about four weeks now. You know how often I get sent away." She knew because she was my wife's best friend. "Does Carol know you're out here? Did she send you?" "I don't even think she knows I'm out of town." "I'm being rude. Have you eaten? Would you like to join me?" "I don't know. I don't want to impose." "You make a good point. Do I want to lose the opportunity to eat alone yet again because I'm being imposed upon by a good looking woman?" She sat down. "You don't always have to be such a smart ass." "Why are you sitting? I haven't made my decision yet." She flagged the waitress and asked for a menu. This was a very welcome surprise. I liked Nicole. She was fun to be with. Even if she hadn't been, it would have been much better than being alone. It turned out to be way better. Dinner paled in comparison to the sparkling conversation. I hadn't cared much for Carol's fantasy but I now had one of my own. Had Carol sent Nicole like she had sent Annie just so I could have another good night on the road? What a thoughtful wife I had. After dinner I had a black Russian and Nicole had a Manhattan and we danced for a while. There were some slow dances mixed in but Nicole did not take the same liberties that Sandy had. We wound up back at the table and each ordered a cup of coffee. "Nicole, I've really enjoyed your company tonight. This was kind of like a very nice first date. I hope I run into you again when I'm on the road. Better yet, I hope I can get off of the road." "I know what it's like to be alone on the road too." "Nah. You're single and you're hot. I'll bet you don't have many dinners alone." "Well." "I didn't think so. Excuse me for a minute. I have to hit the men's room." "I think I'll go to the little girls room." I stood to slide out her chair from under her but waved me off. "I have to find something in my bag and then I'll go. Don't worry, I'll come back." Nicole returned around five minutes after me. It reminded me of how lonely the night could have been. "Do you take sugar or cream?" "Sugar," I said. We sat and sipped and talked for a while. I was beginning to feel strange even though I had only consumed one drink. "I'm not feeling too good, Nicole. I wonder if I was supposed to stay away from alcohol after taking the Percoset. I didn't read the damn instructions. I think I better get back to my room." "I'm sorry the evening has to end so early. I hope you feel better." I started to get up but felt dizzy and fell back into my seat. "I think you better let me help you back to your room." I'm often reluctant to accept assistance, but my legs were shaky and I felt uncharacteristically compliant. I accepted her offer. The side of the elevator aided her greatly in keeping me upright. She took my card key and guided me into my room. I was feeling strange. Not ill, just strange. In fact, I was surprisingly mellow. Were it not for the extreme instability of my legs, I would have thought I was just a bit tipsy. Percoset is a narcotic, isn't it? "Thank you for helping me back to my room. That was so niiiice." She helped me over to the bed. "Do you feel okay? You're acting a little peculiar." "I feel fine." I must have. I had a big smile that just wouldn't go away. "Let's dance." I tried to get up but my legs reminded me of the folly of that notion. "Be careful," she said. "You're so sweet. What a good friend." "You're sweet too." She kissed me on the cheek. "Thank you." I put my arms around her and gave her a big hug. It must have been a long one too because at some point I realized I was hugging her and didn't remember when I had started. "I think I better put you to bed. You don't seem to be in very good shape." "No. I can do it myself." I lifted a leg up with my hands, fell off the bed and started laughing. For some reason that escapes me now this seemed hysterically funny. "Sure you can." She got on the floor with me and removed my shoes and socks. I wasn't much help. She took off my jacket with some difficulty, got up and hung it over a chair. Then she returned and helped me back onto the bed. She took off my tie and shirt and I started laughing again. After she hung them up, she returned again to the bed and undid my belt. After unbuttoning my pants and lowering the fly, she pushed me onto my back and struggled to get my pants off. I was unable to help. "You're trying to seduce me." This too seemed really funny and I laughed until I was getting short of breath. She pulled aside the sheets and pushed me around until I was in position to be covered up. Then she suddenly whipped off my boxers. "Okay," I said. I had no idea what was okay. "I don't like the way you look. I'm going to stay for a while in case you need help." "Okay." "I just don't think I should leave you alone." "Okay." I heard her moving around and most of the lights went out. After a while I felt the bed depress. She moved next to me and pulled the covers over us. "I'm going to stay here with you and take care of you." "Okay." I was in a surprisingly good mood. I usually can't bear not to be fully in control. But for some reason it wasn't bothering me. She snuggled in closer and that's when I realized, "Hey, you don't have any clothes on." "I didn't want to wrinkle them." "That's good thinking." "You just relax and rest." I did. I think I was asleep for a while. I awoke to Carol kissing me. I thought I'd been away but I must have been confused. Sometimes the days all run together. Carol was especially passionate tonight. I guess absence does make the heart grow fonder. And hornier. My god, I didn't remember the last time I felt such need. I returned her passion with a vengeance almost seeking to consume her with my mouth. Her moans and explorations bespoke an urgency I shared. She grabbed my buttocks and pulled me on top of her. I felt everything. I smelled everything. I heard everything. Never before had my senses been this acute. "Carol, this is amazing. I've never felt so close to you." "I'm not Carol. I'm Nicole." I hesitated. What was I doing? How did this happen? This was wrong. "It's all right, Simon. It's all right." It was all right. I moved forward and was enveloped. It was warm and sensual and luxurious. I slowly moved in and out. Carol, Nicole tired of the pace. "Faster." It was more than a suggestion. I tried to comply, but I did not seem to be able. "Faster." "I can't." "Okay. We'll try it your way." As far as I could tell, my way was working pretty well. I couldn't count, but occasionally I felt movements and heard sounds that I recognized as her orgasms. At some point I felt sensations that signaled mine. It was electrifying but exhausting. I slept. Some time later I awoke to find her on top of me. Which one was this? Was it Carol or Nicole? Even though I had slept, I was ever more fatigued. My senses were fatigued as well. Nicole, I could recognize her now, rode me with an enthusiasm that made up for my tepid participation. She succeeded in wringing another orgasm from me and I passed out. It was morning. Sunlight streamed into the room. I was aroused, but it was not the morning variety. Carol's mouth was down there shepherding my pleasure. I stretched. I opened my eyes and looked down at Carol's - "Nicole! What the hell are you doing?" I grabbed her head and pulled her off of me with considerable difficulty. "What are you doing here?" "It's okay, Simon." "It's not okay." I pulled the sheet over my lower body. My blood pressure shot up. My skin flushed. "It's okay. You seduced me and I stayed the night." "I seduced you? I don't..." "It was wonderful." "I'm so sorry. I, I don't know what came over me. Please forgive me. I never meant to do it. I mean, not that there is anything wrong with you but I love Carol. Oh, God, what have I done?" "Don't be sorry. You couldn't have seduced me if I hadn't wanted you to. I'm not upset at all. I feel great." I didn't. A deep sadness and shame pervaded me. I had spoken with such conviction, almost arrogance, of the impossibility of ever doing this and I had done it. It didn't matter that I had let Carol down, well, it did, but the worst part was that I had let myself down. I was not the man I thought I was and that devastated me. "I'm just another jerk, like all those other jerks." Nicole tried to console me but it lacked conviction. She seemed more pleased with the situation than empathetic. What would I do? Had I lost Carol? Had I cost her Nicole's friendship? For the moment I chose to focus on the details of getting home. "How did my suitcase get packed?" It was sitting on a chair. "I did it. I went back to my room and got my stuff and then I came back here and packed your suitcase so we could have more time together this morning." "Thanks. I'm sorry. I shouldn't use that tone with you. This wasn't your fault." She sat there on the bed naked, appealing. "So are we going to take advantage of my planning?" "No. This should never have happened. Doing it again would make it worse." "You've already committed the crime. One more time isn't going to make it any worse." "I... I don't understand why I did it last night but this is a new opportunity to decide whether to do the right thing or the wrong thing. The least I can do is choose to stop doing the wrong thing. I'm sorry. It's nothing against you. I just have to start behaving correctly." "Please?" "No. What do I do now? I don't know. Carol has a right to know. I owe it to her. But if I tell her it's really going to hurt her. Is it selfish to unburden some of my guilt at the price of her pain?" Nicole didn't answer, but her demeanor changed. She had been very positive and accepting of the situation. But now, somehow, she seemed sad. "I guess I can live with the guilt myself. But if she finds out on her own, she is going to be even more hurt. Talk about having to choose between two equally unattractive options. You're her best friend. What do you think?" "I don't know what to tell you. I'm sure you guys will eventually work it out." It seemed like there was more she wanted to say, but she refrained. There was a look of pain, perhaps of regret, in her eyes. "Are you okay?" I moved to give her a reassuring embrace, but the sheet dropped and I realized we were both naked. "What can I do to make this right with you?" She smiled, leaned over and squeezed my hand. "It's okay with me. You don't have to do anything." I headed for the shower. It would have been absurdly immodest to try to cover myself at this point. Nicole and I spoke just enough to manage the details of getting to the airport. Thankfully, we were not seated together on the plane. I had the whole flight to think about whether or not I was going to tell Carol. There being no good choice, I came to no decision. I took a cab home from the airport. Until I decided, I would have to act as if everything were fine. Carol greeted me enthusiastically. "Let's get you unpacked, tuck your stuff away and then I want to tuck you away, cutie." "You have such a dirty mind. I'm such a lucky guy." While we were unpacking the choice was made for me. I heard her shout. "What the hell is this?" I turned. She was holding up a blue pair of lacy bikini panties. I turned red. "Who does this belong to and how did you get it?" I didn't answer immediately. "Don't go trying to make up some story. You're busted, buster." "No story. No excuses. I can't even explain it. I don't understand what happened myself." "Who is she?" "Nicole." "My best friend? You fucked my best friend? You make me sick. Get out. Go stay in the guestroom. I don't know if I'll even be able to talk to you again. Get out." It had gone better than I had expected. I was still married, at least for the time being. On Monday I went to the doctor for testing. I had no reason to believe that Nicole had any diseases but it would have been stupid not to be safe, to the extent that was possible at this late date. Carol didn't talk to me for three days. She was still angry when she spoke. "I've decided not to divorce you but I'm outraged and I know what I need to get past this. I'm going to get revenge. I'm going to find somebody to fuck, and I want you to be there when I do it." "Carol, two wrongs don't make a right." "They do for me. I'm just going to fuck a stranger. You fucked my best friend." "I didn't mean to. I didn't have any plan or intention. It just happened." "Would you prefer I wait until some stranger makes a play for me and let it just happen?" "I'm not trying to lessen the severity of what I've done. I'm saying that methodically planning it takes it to another level beyond what I did. I'm also not saying that I would have any right to hold it against you. It would hurt, but I don't have that right. As far as watching, there's no chance of that." "And what if I insist on it? What if I need it to get me past this? Otherwise I couldn't stay married." I was getting steamed. "This is your fantasy, isn't it? You brought this up before. Do you think you need this to get past my behavior or are you just using it as an excuse to force your fantasy down my throat? What if you go too far in my mind? Does that give me the right to force a fantasy down your throat? Where does it end, when one of us goes so far that we split up? Is that your idea of getting past it?" "You're talking pretty high and mighty for someone who stooped so low." "I'm talking like I love you and I don't want to head down a path where it will become impossible for us to be together. Do you have carte blanche? What if you want to cut off my arm? Is that okay because I cheated? Is there no limit?" Could the neighbors hear me? "All right. I'll give in on you watching." She seemed more disappointed than angry. "At least you recognize my right to get even." "I didn't remotely say that. There is no right to do the wrong thing. I just said I had no right to hold it against you. As much as I have damaged our relationship, I think what you're planning will just make it worse." "I'll let you know when to be gone. You'll know when it happens because you won't be getting any until then." This wasn't right. I don't mean that what she was planning to do was not right. Of course it wasn't. I mean that there was something out of place about this whole situation. She had taken three days to decide on an appropriate action. But she had also told me that if she ever found me cheating, she would exact her revenge. Why, then, did it take her three days to decide? Maybe she just had to build up the resolve to go through with it. But she had been fairly insistent upon me watching, and she had brought that up before. She seemed disappointed not to have extracted that concession from me, though her demeanor before and after that was angry. How long would I be cut off? This was a tactic she had used in the past to get her way. If her revenge turned out to be soon, it would probably be because she had someone in mind all along. Then there was the fact that she really hadn't responded to any of my arguments. That was typical when she was trying to get something. But in other circumstances, she would carefully consider what I had to say, respond thoughtfully and sometimes be won over to my point of view. What I had was inconclusive evidence and a bad feeling about it. I decided that I needed to collect more information in order to find out what was really going on. Maybe she was going to pretend to cheat in order to teach me a lesson. But then she wouldn't have insisted that I watch -- unless she was prepared for me to talk her out of it. Maybe this was just what she said, revenge. Maybe she had this planned all along and was just looking for the opportunity to be with him in a way that she couldn't be blamed. Maybe she was having an affair with him while I was out of town and this was being staged so that if I caught her in the future, she could say, "It was only a one time lapse with my revenge guy and I'm sorry. It will never happen again." Maybe it was something so twisted and devious I hadn't even been able to imagine it. I decided that the only way I could really know would be to tape them to hear what she said and see how she acted. I had to move quickly. I had no idea when she would do this. I went to my office in the basement and searched the Web for information and specifications on surveillance equipment. I also searched for local stores where I could buy the equipment, because I didn't know if I had time to wait for it to be shipped. I decided to build redundancy into my plan, because the information was too important not to capture. I would hide cameras in our bedroom, the guest bedroom and in the den. These were the most likely places for her assignation. I suppose I could have put cameras in the living room and the recreation room, but I was trying to find out what she was doing, not bring down a spy ring. I would split the camera feeds, so that each would record on a VCR and be routed to a hard drive on my server as well. The VCRs would only tape for eight hours, and I had no idea how much time she planned to spend. My storage capacity was huge, and I could capture video for days without running out of disk space. I suppose it was possible that I was focusing on all of this to distract me from my guilt and trepidation over the damage that was being done to our marriage. Fortunately, I was in town this week, so I called in and took a personal day. Shortly after Carol left the house, I started on my errands. I dispatched them quickly, but it took the better part of the day to install the cameras and the wiring and keep the whole thing unobtrusive. The splitters and the software setup I was able to do in my office after dinner since Carol was still ignoring me. Friday afternoon, Carol called me at the office and told me not to bother coming home for dinner. She said I should spend the night somewhere else, and that she would call me when it was all right to come home. I didn't need to do anything. The software services were already installed on my network, and the recording would be motion-activated. This spying was not an adventure. It was something I felt I needed to do in order to understand the situation. I went to a restaurant for dinner, and then got a motel room. As I sat in the room looking at the blank TV screen I wondered what the hell I was doing. What kind of man would allow his wife to do what mine was doing now? A wimp! Someone who didn't deserve to have his feelings spared. I grabbed my keys and bolted out the door. I was going to go home and stop this. I would grab him and throw him out of my house. I got as far as putting the key into the ignition before I started to think again. What was I going to say to Carol? "If you cheat on me I'm leaving you." The problem with that is that I would also have to say, "If you don't forgive me for cheating, I'm leaving you." The juxtaposition of those two sentences was absurd. While the manner in which she was cheating was more hurtful, why should I be forgiven but she should not for doing the same thing? But there was more. Suppose I was successful in asserting my manhood tonight. What would stop Carol from doing this the first night I was out of town? Or every night I was out of town for that matter? I couldn't quit my job to stay home and watch her all the time. That would be no life for either of us in any event. Then she would tell me what she had done. The only difference would be that I hadn't voluntarily stayed away to let it happen. Or maybe she wouldn't tell me. She'd just keep doing it until she was caught. I slid the key from the ignition. Confronting her tonight was not the solution. At best it deferred her revenge. At worst it could make the situation much more destructive to the continuation of our marriage. I exited the car and went back to the room. No workable solution came to mind. I tried to watch some TV, but found it difficult to concentrate. I was awash in apprehension. At the early hour of ten I drifted off to an uneasy sleep. I awoke at eight, but despite the passage of considerable time, I was not well rested. I dressed and went to breakfast. Carol called my cell just after nine. She was cheerful, almost ebullient. "You can come home now. I'm going shopping for the day and I won't be back until late afternoon. You're gonna get lucky tonight big guy. See you later." She didn't even wait for a response. As far, she was concerned, the matter had come to a successful conclusion. It ain't necessarily so. I checked out and drove home. I settled down in front of the computer and checked the VCR's. Only the one in the bedroom had logged any significant time. It hadn't used the full eight hours. I guess they got some sleep. I was now faced with a problem I had not considered. I would have to watch her doing what I had refused to watch her doing, in order to complete my understanding of the situation. It was a distasteful prospect and my stomach was queasy even before I started. I could probably watch the entire tape in the time Carol would be gone, but I didn't want to put myself through that torture if it could be avoided. I would try to watch some snippets and see if they were sufficiently revealing. I rewound about an hour and started the tape. I hit a lowlight immediately. There was a dark-haired man on top of Carol, between her legs. They were wrapped around his back. He let her do the talking. She didn't lack for enthusiasm. "Oh, God. Fuck me harder. This is fantastic; so much better than I imagined it!" How long had she been imagining it? He joined in with the highly imaginative, "Oh baby." Didn't he even remember her fucking name? I heard myself talking out loud. "I can't believe..." I bolted for the nearest bathroom. I managed to slow down enough not to bruise my knees when I hit the floor. I ejected my breakfast into the toilet bowl. I cleaned myself up, but went back to the floor and stayed there for some time until I felt less nauseous. Many men tell stories about finding their wives so engaged acting as an agent of arousal. For me, it was an emetic. I trudged back toward my office. Could I watch more? Was I sufficiently purged to get through it? As I entered the office, I saw Carol heading toward the bed from the direction of the bathroom. She was naked. What was unmistakably semen was glistening on her thighs. She hadn't used protection. Neither of us would be getting lucky tonight. She sat down on the bed and picked up the phone. Was this when she had called me? "Hi." Who was on the other end of the phone? "It was fantastic." Shit! I didn't think of recording the phone. I could only imagine the other side of the conversation. "No. It was everything I expected. The only way it could have been better was if Simon had been there, watching. I didn't really think I'd be able to get him to go along with that. He's so self-righteous. "I don't know. Simon is out of town a lot, but I don't think I want the pressure of having to hide an affair." Was she talking to him? "I know. Thank you. None of this would have been possible without you. I don't suppose you could get Simon again, could you?" She giggled at this. Nicole? Nobody else had gotten me. I thought I had gotten her. "Well, I feel wonderful. Say, why don't we go out for a day of shopping? Simon is in no position to complain about me spending money. What do you say? "Great. I'll call you, and Simon, when I'm ready to leave." The "and Simon" part sounded coquettish. Carol hung up and headed for the bathroom. When she next appeared on the screen, she was getting ready for her shopping adventure. She was awfully friendly with Nicole considering that she too had betrayed Carol. She couldn't have had her tryst without Nicole? The panties! Nicole had packed my bag. She must have put them there on purpose. Get me again? There seemed to be even more to this than I had suspected though I had no idea what it was. I am not a stupid man. No doubt many of you will disagree now that you understand the situation in which I found myself. I had the hubris to believe that I was perceptive and insightful. In fact, it appeared that I had been taken for a fool. I didn't think I would get the full story just by asking Carol. She was too good at spin. I would need to plan carefully if I were to succeed. I spent the day in preparation. I saw Carol's car pulling into the driveway a little before 5:30. I immediately picked up the phone and dialed. "Hello?" "Nicole, something's wrong with Carol. I need your help. Come over right away." "What's wrong? What --?" I hung up. Melodramatic to be sure. But, I wanted her here to help me uncover the truth and I wasn't sure I could persuade her to come over for that purpose. I heard the key in the lock of the back door. Carol's arms were full. She put her packages down on kitchen table. "You look awfully serious for someone who is going to have a really good time night." Carol couldn't have been more pleased with her situation had she won the lottery. "Come sit down. We need to talk." She could turn on a dime. "What is this shit? You screw around on me and I have to come talk?" "I told you I had no right to hold it against you. But your actions were just as wrong as mine. We discussed what I did, didn't we? Now that you've had your revenge, we get to talk about what I need to move on. First, did you use condoms?" She blushed. She hesitated. No use in trotting out an obvious lie at this point. She was Carol, as always. The best defense is a good offense. "Why do you think I didn't use condoms?" "I didn't find any." "I could have flushed them." She would have made a great politician. Never a real answer. "I didn't find any packaging. Did you flush that too?" Now that evasion wasn't practical, she changed her tactic. "You didn't use condoms with Nicole." "How do you know he was safe?" "I asked," she said not quite quickly enough. "I guess I'm not getting lucky tonight. If Bob didn't have to use condoms with my wife, I'm not about to." "What about you? You could have an STD." "I was tested. Until you've been tested, you're on your own." "Bastard." "Very incisive argument. How long have you been planning this?" "What do you mean? I started after I found out about you and Nicole." "You found someone astonishingly quickly." "I'm very appealing." "Aside from it being your fantasy, why was it necessary for me to watch?" "So you would learn your lesson." "What lesson is that?" "To never screw around on me again." She was getting agitated. So was I. "And in what way did I not learn it? Didn't I know how much I'd hurt you? Didn't I feel disgusted with myself for my lack of self-control? Wasn't I going to be hurt enough by what you were doing, and the fact that you were making plans to do it to me? How would me watching teach that lesson any better?" She didn't answer. There was no reasonable answer. "Who was he?" "Just someone I know from work." "How did you get Bob to agree so quickly? How long have you been flirting?" "He just, he was attracted to me. I talked to him on Wednesday." "You just said, 'Hey Bob, doing anything Friday? I'd like you to spend the night at my house fucking me in my marital bed.' No preparation? No introduction? He's a really nice guy to accommodate you on such short notice." "His name is Frank and it wasn't like that." "What was it like?" "I don't want to talk about it." "I need to tell you Carol, and I'm not very proud about this, that I have collected some evidence about this situation. Be very careful what you lie about. Cheating on me in this manner was nasty and mean-spirited. I think I can get past that. But if I feel that I can't trust you, we have no foundation upon which to rebuild this marriage. There are some lies you might tell that I will know are lies. Since you don't know which things I know, you'll be taking a big risk if you don't tell me the truth." "Are you saying you're going to leave me after what you did?" "I'm saying I will leave you if I can't trust you after what you did. If I can't trust you, how do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?" "I would never do that." "But the question is, what would you do? How far would you go?" I saw Nicole's car pulling up. "Did you conspire with Nicole to have me be unfaithful with her?" "You're insane." "Perhaps. But you didn't answer my question. And before you do, don't forget that I may have the evidence. Also, I am going to ask Nicole about it." "She won't talk to you." Perfect timing. The doorbell rang. "That's her now. Why don't we find out if you're right. Why did you call her when you were finished with Bob?" "Frank! I didn't." I was headed for the door. "Would you like to try for a different answer? How did you arrange to go shopping with her?" "Well, yes, I called her about that. I meant I didn't call to talk about it." Nicole rushed past me into the living room. "Carol, are you okay? Simon said something was wrong with you." I didn't give her a chance to answer. "Nicole, when did you and Carol start planning this?" Carol cut in. "What are you trying to pull -" "Carol, be quiet. We're going to get to the bottom of this," I said. She was not so easily deterred. "You have some nerve trying to pull this shit in my fucking house." "If we don't resolve this, it will be just your fucking house. You can fuck to your heart's content here - without me." Either my vitriol or that prospect seemed to be enough to quiet her for the moment. "What's wrong with Carol is that we're having a marriage critical discussion. Nicole, when did you two start planning this?" I asked. "Planning what? I don't know what you're talking about." "How did your panties get in my suitcase?" "It was just a mistake. I put them in the wrong one." "How stupid do you think I am? I'll admit to being an incredible fool in this whole thing for a while, but I'm not that stupid. Just one pair? You packed the bags simultaneously? You told me you packed in your room and then came back to help me pack mine." "Well..." Nicole didn't have an answer prepared. "How is it that," I made a big deal of looking at my notes, "' None of this would have been possible without you?'" Both of them looked surprised. "Oh, it didn't occur to you that I might have had the phones bugged?" Logically this didn't make sense. Had I been recording the phone, I would have had both sides of the conversation. That is a difficult analysis to make in the panic of the moment of being caught. "When did you start planning this?" I didn't care who answered. The silence seemed to go on endlessly, although, in reality, it was probably less than a minute. I waited. Justified or not, I had the sense that if I spoke first I would lose the advantage, and the truth, forever. "Around five months ago," said Nicole in a voice not much louder than a whisper. "Nicole," said Carol. "You heard. He knows. We'll only make it worse if we lie." "Nicole has that right. I'm not guaranteeing that I will stay with you no matter what I learn. But I guarantee that I will leave if I don't get the truth. What was the plan?" "I would try to get you to seduce me and then leave some evidence for Carol." "Nicole!" Did Carol still think she could hide it all or was it just a shock to hear it out loud? "Carol, isn't it obvious by now that I figured that out? She knew where to find me just like Annie did. She left evidence in what I now recognize as an obvious way. Let it all come out. She helped you with this information, Nicole?" "Yes." "So, Carol, you have been planning for five months with Nicole to have Frank and some time before that you came up with the plan?" She was now quiet and her manner was resigned. "Yes." "Why the elaborate plan? Why not just cheat while I was out of town and hide it from me?" "I thought you would leave me if you found out." "And this is better?" "I didn't think you would find out." "Why did you do it?" "I didn't think you would find out." "That's a reason?" "Frank has been flirting with me for a long time. It made me feel attractive. You were always gone and he was always there. He gave me lots of attention. He kept trying to win me even though I turned him down again and again. It made me feel special. Being pursued was so exciting. It, it made me think back to how much fun I had when I played the field before we met. I guess I finally let it get to me. I wanted to see if I was missing anything. I wanted to feel the thrill of being desirable. It wasn't anything you did. I just got caught up in the excitement. It was stupid." "You could have just secretly cheated Carol. It would have been a lousy thing to do, but at least you could have avoided hurting me." "I didn't think you would find out." "So you betrayed me by cheating with Frank, and you betrayed me by making me think it was all my fault?" "It sounds terrible when you put it that way." "What is the nice way to put it?" She shrugged and raised her eyebrows. "So, you betrayed me twice?" "Yes. I'm sorry honey." "That isn't all, is it?" "What do you mean?" asked Carol. "Those two betrayals are pretty bitter to swallow, however they are something I might be able to overcome. But that's not the whole story, is it Nicole?" She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "Did I seduce you Nicole?" "Of course. Don't you remember?" She said it with real conviction. "No. That's why I'm asking. I only had one drink, but I wound up getting pretty sick. I remember pieces of the evening, but not that much. Did you do something to me?" "It could have been the Percoset." "'It could have, ' means it could have been something else. What else?" "What do you mean?" asked Nicole. "Is that what Carol meant when she said, 'I don't suppose you could get Simon again, could you?' What does 'get Simon again' mean?" Carol gasped. Nicole lowered her eyes. Her shoulders slumped. She didn't answer right away. When she did, her voice was barely audible. "GHB. I only gave you a half dose so it wouldn't hurt you." "Why?" "Carol knew from that woman's report that you couldn't be seduced. The redhead. Carol hired an agency that checks whether spouses are faithful. The woman would have slept with you and Carol would have had her excuse. But you wouldn't do it. So Carol knew she would have to do something else." "Whose idea was the GHB?" They looked at each other. Carol wasn't talking, but she blushed. "Carol researched it and she was able to get some. Simon, I want you to know how sorry I am. I started regretting it the next morning when you wouldn't touch me. You were more upset about what you thought was your mistake than you were about what Carol would do to you. I felt lousy and I didn't want you to know what I had done, so I just played along. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry." Her tone confirmed the sentiments she was professing. "Carol?" "It doesn't seem like that good an idea in retrospect. I don't know what I was thinking." "That's not even remotely an apology." "I'm sorry. I really am. I didn't mean for you to find out." "That's what you're sorry about?" "No. That's not what I meant. If you didn't find out, it wouldn't hurt you. I didn't want to hurt you. I just let myself get carried away with the excitement. I'm really sorry Simon. I promise it will never happen again. I'll never give you any reason to doubt me." "Do you understand what you did? You helped me be raped and led me to believe it was all my fault. I don't even know what the worst part of all of this is. I can probably get over you deciding and scheming to screw Frank. Everybody makes mistakes, even really big ones. But, that wasn't enough for you. Do you realize what you did? You forced me to become an adulterer. That may be even worse to me than the fact of the rape. You get these terrible ideas and then you push. And you keep pushing 'till you get to the edge. And this time you pushed it over the edge." "Don't leave me Simon. I'll do anything to make it up to you. I love you more than anything." "More than anything but you and what you want. I'm going to pack Carol. You'll hear from my lawyer." "Don't leave Simon," said Carol. I don't know what I'll do without you. I'll do anything." "That's the truest thing you said today." I walked out. She followed me to the bedroom and continued to plead as I packed. The anger and the hurt prevented me from hearing what she was saying. Maybe she was sincere. Maybe she just regretted her loss. It didn't matter. I couldn't stay. She had gone too far. "Carol, after the way you've treated me, I have decided to take my revenge." "Whatever you want. Whatever you need to do. Just don't leave me." I had created hope in her mind that after I did whatever I had in mind, she could win me back. It was cruel to let her think that. The thought pleased me at the time. I was a bastard. The pleasure I took then in abusing her now repulses me. But I've had time to heal. I left her sobbing. Maybe she really did love me. It didn't matter. The cost was too high. I wanted revenge. I wanted her to suffer the way I had. I wanted her family to know her for the ruthless, deceitful narcissist that she was. I wanted the people she worked with to know the treachery she was willing to bring to the workplace. I wanted her friends to know what she was capable of doing to her long time lover and companion and how she was willing to compromise her best friend to accomplish it. Could they be next? I wanted her exposed to and shunned by all of those people. I wanted her next sexual encounter to be with some big, ugly dyke that gave the convicted rapist no choice in the relationship. Just the thought of her suffering was cathartic. But after the rush of emotion I had from those thoughts, I considered what I would have. I got along with her family well but I had no strong, independent relationship with her parents or brothers. Would they embrace me after learning what their daughter had done to me? I had no interest in any relationship with them. I barely knew anyone she worked with. I wasn't around enough to see much of them. Her friends were her friends. We got along fine, but I would not have sought them out as friends on my own. As far as prosecuting her for rape, it would be just about impossible without a confession. Even then, Nicole could wind up in jail as well, and I didn't want that. If a trial ensued, I would be an object of public ridicule. Worst of all, even if I could bring about all that suffering for Carol, what did that make me? A man who takes so little pleasure in his own life that the only enjoyment he gets is from seeing someone else suffer? If I took action to make her suffer, I might lose more respect for myself as a man than I gained in satisfaction from her suffering. Revenge was beginning to look like a mirage, the promise of a cool refreshing drink that wound up being just a bunch of hot air. I stopped back at the house when I knew Carol was not home. I had some unfinished business. I viewed the living room tape. "Come in Frank." "Oh baby, I'm so excited you finally decided to do this." "Well, you certainly have been persistent. You do flatter a girl." I didn't need to see any more. She had at least told the truth about that. The slimy bastard had pursued my wife until he succeeded. That didn't mitigate her loathsome behavior. But it did warrant some retribution. I called Carol's office and asked for Frank. Fortunately, there was only one. "Frank, this is Simon Newsome. I've just come from the public health department and they told me I'm required by law to warn any sexual partners that Carol or I had that I got chlamydia from her. You better get checked dude." He sputtered, cursed and called her a "damn bitch." Of course he would find out that he didn't have it unless he got it elsewhere but I wasn't through with him. A week later I was waiting in the parking lot when he went for his car. I walked close to him and rushed at him when he reached the car, slamming him down on the hood. "Hi Frank. It's Simon Newsome again." I pressed down on him restricting his breathing. "You bastard. Carol didn't have anything." "I'm the bastard? You pursued my wife, convinced her to fuck you, broke up our marriage and I'm the bastard?" I maintained the pressure on him. Whether it was because it was difficult to breathe, let alone talk, or because he didn't have anything to say, he remained silent. "You're lucky this time Frank. You didn't catch anything and you're alive. The next husband may decide to beat you to a pulp or to kill you without even asking your side. I probably won't kill you, although I haven't decided on that for sure. I guess you'll just have to live with, oops, perhaps that's a bad choice of words, with the consequences of your actions. I'll be seeing you Frank. Or not." I think I had succeeded admirably in sounding menacing. I felt menacing. I hoped he would stay worried for quite some time. But it didn't matter. I had told the truth. The next guy might just kill him without thinking. I felt better. This kind of revenge did not diminish me. I forgave Nicole. She had shown real remorse all the way back to that morning in my hotel room. We even became friends. Carol kept calling but it was two months before I would take her call. "Carol, I'm not really interested in talking about much. I just wanted to tell you I decided to forgive you. I can't say whether you deserve it or not, but you can take me off your conscience." "Does that mean there's a chance of us getting back together?" "I forgive you, Carol. But, I don't think I'm going to be able to forget. I can't imagine that I could ever trust you." "I'll never give you any reason to doubt me again." "I don't need any new reasons." "Please." "I can't do it. Goodbye." I hung up without waiting for a reply. I hadn't spoken with any malice. I still felt something for her. I just wasn't willing to risk my peace of mind with her. I had spent a significant part of my life with her and most of it was very good. I sincerely hoped that she would be happy, but it was of no interest to me. If I never again heard anything about her life, I would be fine. I spoke with Carol one more time. I didn't recognize the number she was calling from. "Hello Simon." "Carol, we don't have anything to talk about." "Just give me a minute and hear me out. That's all I want. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my behavior, especially after you told me you forgave me. I haven't been able to come up with a word to adequately describe how badly I behaved. I was not only willing to risk our entire relationship over something of no value, I was willing to rub your face in it. I have no idea how I could have done that and I'm so sorry. I'm not asking you to take me back. I wouldn't take me back after how I acted. The things I did would be disgraceful if I did them to a stranger. That I could do them to someone I love, even worse someone who loved me, fills me with disgust. I know it doesn't begin to make up for how I acted, but I needed to give you a sincere apology. I know how empty and worthless my apologies were back then. I get it now. I hope this is of some value to you." After around ten to fifteen seconds I concluded that she was finished. She had not only said the right things, she sounded sincere. I hadn't realized it until then, but I think I needed to hear them. "Thank you, Carol." Neither of us had anything to say so we ended the conversation. Some time later Nicole told me, unsolicited, that Carol is not happy. She doesn't go out much. They don't even get together much anymore. It's a shame, but it's not my problem. I had what I initially thought I wanted, Carol's misery. It wasn't satisfying. How pathetic would I have felt if I had gone out of my way to bring it about and then felt unsatisfied? The worst revenge that could have been visited upon Carol turned out to be losing me and understanding the manner in which she had caused it. I had loved her but I guess I had known this about her all along. The package of all of her other assets and qualities distracted me from a character flaw serious enough to allow her to throw away her marriage for a fantasy. I don't date women like her anymore. I look for a woman with a kind heart. There are other things I look for, but that one is a deal breaker. I also switched professions. Carol's deceit helped me get into security and surveillance before the bottom dropped out of the computer software market. I get to stay home most of the time now. I fully expect that someday there will be somebody to stay home with. ------- The End ------- Posted: 2004-05-27 ------- http://storiesonline.net/ -------