Storiesonline.net ------- Flashed! by Marc Nobbs Copyright© 2011 by Marc Nobbs ------- Description: FLASHED! is a collection of "Flash" stories. Flash stories are very short, and yet complete, stories - typically less than 1000 words, and often less than 500. Most of the stories in FLASHED! are around the 300 word mark. Each "chapter" of this piece represents a separate flash story Codes: MF cons rom humor ------- ------- A collection of 'flash' stories ------- Introduction Flashed is a collection of "Flash" stories, presented here on SOL as one multi-part posting. Whenever someone asks me, "So what are 'flash' stories, exactly?", I always give the same response. I tell them that flash stories are self-contained, full, but very short stories. "How short?" they ask and I respond that they are never more than a thousand words long, and typically less than 500. I try to write 300 word flash simply because Ruthie's Club, the website I used to sell them to before it closed, imposed that limit. "But what do you mean by full story?" Full stories are just that—they have a beginning, a middle and an end. They aren't just 'scenes' they are proper, if very short, stories. "How do you manage that in so few words?" Ahh, therein lies the challenge. Flash is often called a writers indulgence—that they get more out of it than the readers. I don't think that's true. I enjoy reading them as much as I do writing them. And I hope you enjoy reading them too. So I present, FLAHSED!, very short stories for your reading pleasure. ------- Accident Report (299 words) Gem loved fast cars. When we first met, I had a little MG-F roadster. It was one of the things that attracted her. On country roads, hitting fifty around the bends, her pleasure was etched all over her face. But we had a problem. The roadster had no back seat, and the front seats didn't tip back. We made out this one time, at lover's leap overlooking Westmouth. We were desperate to go further, but the gear stick got in the way. When I asked Gem to marry me, she agreed on the condition that I sold the MG and bought a car with a back seat. I went for a VW Golf GTi. The engine purred almost as sweetly as Gem. On the motorways, pulling at least eighty, Gem would slide her hand onto my leg and squeeze. I'd push down on the gas, and we'd top ninety. By the time her hand reached my crotch, we'd hit the ton. When the children came along, we needed a bigger car. I made sure it still kicked ass. Gem would never have forgiven me if I hadn't. BMW M5. Expensive and powerful. The back seat had more than enough room for the kids. It gave Gem and me plenty of space to have some fun, too. For her fiftieth birthday, I treated her to a proper sports car. An Aston Martin BD7 convertible. Gem was a James Bond fan. In the country one summer afternoon, Gem caressed her gear knob as I eased through the bends. I'm sure she stained the leather seats. As I tried valiantly to keep my eyes on the road, she leaned over, unzipped, and went down on me. The newspaper report hangs on our bedroom wall. The headline reads: Distracted Driver Destroys Historic Tree. ------- Bathtime (300 words) Natalie's university accommodation dashed her hopes of escaping her prudish parents. She was staying in St. Sandrine's, an all female hall of residence run by a strict matron. One evening, four months into her course, Natalie finished an assignment and decided on a long soak in the bath, rather than sneak out to the pub with her friends. The hall only had one bathroom and it was rare to find one of the two baths free. She locked herself in the cubicle and shaved her legs while she waited for the bath to fill. The walls separating the cubicles were thin and Natalie could hear the other bath being filled too. She considered calling out to her neighbour, but didn't in case it was someone she didn't know very well. She settled down for a relaxing soak instead. As she lay, eyes half closed, and let the water's warmth sooth her aching body, sounds started coming from the other cubicle again. Water sloshed and a woman moaned. Whoever was next door had smuggled in a man and was getting a right royal seeing to. Lucky bitch, thought Natalie. Her nipples stiffened. She pinched them hard, stifled a moan and slid her other hand down her body to dip her fingers in her honey pot. The woman's moans got louder, more urgent and Natalie's fingers worked frantically. She was so horny she ached. In no time, she came and she couldn't stifle her cries. The lovers next door must have heard. The sloshing of the water increased as he fucked her harder until they noisily came together. Natalie took time to recover, then got out of the bath. She pulled on her robe and opened the door at the same time as the other woman. "Oh, good evening, Matron. Have fun?" ------- Doctor, Doctor (290 words) "Ah, Mrs. Morris. Here for your check-up?" "Yes, Dr. Burns." "Good, Good. Well, let's get started then, shall we?" The examination took half an hour. "Mrs. Morris, I'm pleased to tell you that you're in excellent health for your age. Is there anything else I can do for you while you're here?" "There is actually, doctor." Mrs. Morris looked embarrassed. "It's okay. There's nothing you can say that I won't have heard before." "Well, it's my husband. He's been having a little difficulty in the trouser department." "You mean his impotency. Yes, yes, I know all about it. Didn't the pills I prescribed work?" "He won't take them. Flat refuses. You know how he is. He won't even take aspirin for a headache." "There is one thing you could do, but I really shouldn't suggest it. It's not exactly ethical." "Please, doctor. I'm getting desperate." "Well, I shouldn't really suggest crushing the tablet into a fine powder and sprinkling it in his cocoa. I mean, he'd never know, and slipping someone medication without their knowledge ... it's just not right. Even if it is for their own good." "Oh. Okay, doctor." Mrs Morris tapped the side of her nose and winked. "I understand." Two weeks later, Mrs. Morris returned to the surgery for a follow-up appointment. "Well, how did it go?" Dr. Burns asked. "I did as you didn't suggest, doctor. He doesn't drink cocoa, so I crushed up the tablet and put it in his tea instead." "And?" "It worked. He drank his tea, jumped up, stripped, tore off my knickers and shagged me right there on the table." "So why the frown?" "Oh, it's nothing really. I just don't think I can ever show my face in McDonald's again." ------- Home Baking "Hi, Honeybuns. I'm home. Hmm, someone's been baking. Hey, look, cookies!" "Don't you dare, Sweetie. They're for the church fete." "Hummph. Hoo hate, horry." "Sweetie!" "Sorry; couldn't resist. You know I love your cookies. Where are you anyway?" "I'm upstairs, Sweetie." "What are you doing up here? You've still got a cake in the oven ... Oh." "I did the test. I'm ovulating. The leaflet says we have to make love lots and lots over the next thirty-six hours." "Thirty-six hours?" "That's right, Sweetie. Once every couple of hours should be enough. Starting now. Thank God it's Friday." "Every two hours? I'll be knackered." "And I'll have more than a cake in the oven, I hope." "Eh?" "Never mind – just take your clothes off and come here." "Okay." "Slow down, Sweetie. You know how I enjoy watching you strip." "Really? How's this?" "Yeah, Sweetie. That's it. Wiggle that arse for me." "Enjoying the view, or should I turn around?" "Turn around." "Okay." "Hey. No fair, Sweetie. Move your hands." "What's it worth, Honeybuns?" "I'll suck." "Deal. Voila! Hey, what are you... ?" "Humpf, grumpf." "You shouldn't talk with your mouth full, Honeybuns. Oh, that's good. That's really good. Oh yeah. Suck it for me. Why are you stopping?" "Wouldn't want to waste those spermies, would we?" "Good point." "Come on, then. I'm ready and waiting for you, Sweetie." "You sure? I'm all fired up." "Goody. I'm going to enjoy this." "You bet you are. Here we go." "Oh. Yeah. Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's nice!" "Hmph, Hmph!" "Ohh." "Hmph! Ahh! Yes. Yessssssss!" "That was quick, Sweetie." "Does it matter? You got what you wanted." "I know, but..." "And we'll go again later, won't we?" "Damn right we will." "Honeybuns? What's that smell?" "What smell?" "Smells like burning." "Oh fuck! The cake!" ------- Jumbo! "Listen, Doctor, I've had this problem for a while now. Nothing's worked. Not even Viagra." Ricky was at the end of his tether. The thought of never having sex again terrified him. "Hmm, well. There is something we could try. It's an experimental operation. We replace the muscle tissue in your penis with that from an elephant's trunk. Don't decide now. Think about it. Come back next week and let me know." Ricky decided that the elephant treatment was the only option should he ever want to play hide the sausage again. The operation took place two weeks later and he was home within forty-eight hours. "Take it easy for a while," the doctor told him. "No spanking the monkey if it rises unexpectedly. Leave it for at least a month before you test out the old boy." Sylvia, Ricky's girlfriend, was thrilled. She'd missed riding the baloney pony and couldn't wait to give the new trunk a test drive. Exactly one month after the operation, she booked a romantic dinner to set the mood for a night of hot lovin'. During the main course, Ricky felt a stirring in his loins that grew to the point of agony. He opened his fly to release the pressure. To his utter shock, his cock sprang out, slid across the table, picked up a bread roll and returned to his slacks. Sylvia was astonished. When she'd realised the implications and recovered the ability to speak she said, "That was amazing. Can you control it or does it have a mind of its own?" "I can sort of control it. But not completely." "Do you think you could do it again?" Ricky grimaced. "I think I could," he groaned. "But I'm not sure I could fit another bread roll up my arse!" ------- Love Is... She's waiting at the door. "You're late." "I had to clean up." She holds me close and rests her head on my shoulder as I breathe deeply. She's used her peppermint shampoo. The one that's good for headaches. "You smell like the bar." She's right, I can smell it myself—the second-hand tobacco, the stale beer, the oil from the fryer—the stench hangs off my clothes and adheres to my skin. "Goes with job." "Do you need two jobs? I never see you." "We need the money. I'll take a shower. Get in bed and I'll join you when I'm done." The shower is invigorating. I walk into the bedroom and find her under the covers, lying on her side. We always sleep naked. I slip into bed and spoon up beside her. Her soft, smooth skin smells of camomile. With my head on her lavender scented pillow and drape my arm over her to cup her breast and squeeze tenderly. "Ow. Don't. They're too sore." I let go and slide my hand down her body until it rests on her once flat belly. I'm hard and she must feel me against her. "I want to make love," she says. "But I'm scared." "Don't be. It won't do any harm." "Promise?" "Promise." I adjust my hips as does she. "Be gentle." One thrust and we are one. "Go slowly." I go as slowly as either of us can stand, but it's been weeks and we're both aching for release so I get carried away. She moans and comes first and before she's finished, I fill her with more seed, not that it's needed. I hug her gently and whisper sweet words in her ear while my hand returns to her belly. My latest, greatest reason to love her. ------- Lover's Lane Mark, Benny and Jim watched Steve and Julie at the bar. "Don't know why he's bothering. She's a slapper," said Mark. "Easy shag," said Jim as Steve and Julie headed for the exit. "Hey, Steve, you off to Lover's Lane?" Mark called. "I'm gonna show Julie my new sound system." "Yeah, right. A likely story." Mark burst out laughing. Two pints after Steve and Julie had left, the three friends were depressed. "Why does Steve always get the birds?" Jim asked. "Must be his winning smile," said Mark. "Hey, I got an idea," said Benny. "Let's go ruin his lovin'." Lover's Lane was a ten minute drunken stagger away. Steve's Ford Escort was parked there. The lights were off and it rocked gently. They sneaked up to the car and peered inside to find Julie's legs wrapped around Steve's waist while his bare arse bounced energetically. "Knock on the window," Benny whispered. "I ain't. You do it," said Jim. "I'll do it," said Mark. He raised his fist to strike the window. "'Ello, 'ello, 'ello. What do we have 'ere, then?" Mark turned around and the touch light blinded him. "I caught me some doggers. Oh, the sarge is gonna love this." "Wait," said Mark. "He's our mate. It's just a practical joke." "Course he is, Sonny-Jim." "Ask him!" The copper knocked on the window and Steve looked around. Julie screamed and tried desperately to cover up. "'Scuse me, Sir. Miss. These perverts claim you know 'em." Steve looked at his friends. Mark pleaded with his eyes but Steve shook his head. "Nah. Never seen 'em before in my life." "Thought as much. Right you three, you're nicked. Come with me." As he marched them away, Steve turned his attention back to Julie, his arse thrusting even faster than before. ------- Mind The Gap Amy and I met friends for an Indian meal last Saturday. It was our first night out since we got back from honeymoon and we took the Underground so we could enjoy a drink. Amy does love a fruity Pinot Gris. By the time the food arrived, Amy had polished off half a bottle and was getting quite as fruity as the wine. She rubbed my bulging cock through my jeans and wasn't subtle about it, either. Bob and Jenny must have guessed what she was up to. We caught the 23:27 home—a deserted, rickety old train with high-backed seats that provided plenty of privacy. As soon as we sat down, Amy kissed me hard, shoving her tongue deep into my mouth. I mauled her mammoth tits through her blouse and slipped a hand up her skirt to finger her pussy. She was dripping wet and smelled ripe. She struggled to unbutton my fly, took out my cock, and wanked it furiously while we kissed. The train pulled into a station and I lay my jacket over my lap. Amy kept her hand movements small until the train jerked back to life then she leaned over and ducked her head under my jacket. I was doing my best on her pussy, but found it hard to concentrate. Amy was past caring when the train next stopped. So was I, come to think of it. I stifled a cry and filled her mouth before the train started moving again. She swallowed every drop then lifted her head from my lap, looked me in the eye, and smiled. She wiped a drop of semen from the corner of her mouth and with wicked look in her eye, she sucked her finger clean. "Hmm, Saltier than usual. Must have been the curry." ------- Mixed Grill Jim stood in the entrance and breathed in deeply the countless familiar smells of the bar—the cigar and cigarette smoke, the steak sizzling on a griddle, the beer soaked carpet, and the stale sweat. It had been so long, he'd almost forgotten what they were truly like. He quickly found a table and ordered the meal he'd been waiting for the last six years, a mixed grill with salad and chips, all drowning in ketchup and malt vinegar, accompanied by a pitcher of ice cold beer. Freedom smelt good. It tasted even better. He'd dealt with items one and two on his list—time for number three. He scanned the room and saw her standing at the bar. Tall, blonde, well built—just his type. She'd be perfect. He sauntered over. "Can I buy you a drink?" "Vodka. Thanks." Her voice was husky, her smile predatory. He could almost taste the cigarettes on her breath. "I'm Jim." "Paula." "Nice to meet you, Paula. What's that perfume?" "Obsession." "I like it." He turned on the charm and they had two more drinks. "Fancy a shag?" He asked, half an hour later. "Yeah. Why not?" They took a taxi. Jim gazed out of the window at a world that had changed so much and struggled to take it all in. Paula, meanwhile, took all of him in. They stumbled through her door, lips and hands busy. With the urgency of the condemned, they undressed each other. Shirts ripped, buttons popped, shoes kicked, buckles loosened, trousers and skirt dropped. She yanked down his boxers. "Maybe I could finish blowing this bugle." He didn't last long. Her turn. After all this time, fresh pussy—it would smell so good and taste so sweet. He pulled down her panties. "Fuck me! You're a bloke!" ------- Shopping Trip It was supposed to be a trip to the shops, nothing more. She took the kids to school and had started her chores when he came home. "Is everything okay?" He nodded. "Fine." She shrugged and carried on, acutely aware of his presence. She vacuumed, dusted, washed the dishes then she grabbed her shopping list and keys but he stopped her before she could leave. "Mind if I come?" "No." The silence and the tension heated the air between them. She opened the window, hoping the breeze would ease her burning cheeks, but the cold air stiffened her nipples instead. He stayed by her side in the supermarket, his eyes following as she reached for pasta or bent over apples. He brushed her arm with his fingers and rubbed the small of her back. And he smiled. Oh, what a smile. She was in agony, her panties soaked, her nipples hard. She daren't look him in the eye. The bulge in his trousers was considerable. She swore she saw it throb. Eyes on her, like a tiger stalking prey, he freed the monster. Her dry mouth hung open and she scanned the car park. Could anyone see? He reached across to unbutton her blouse while her hand drifted across to grip his iron rod. He hissed and she felt his pulse through his cock. "Drive." He halted her protests when he closed her fist around his shaft and slipped a hand under her skirt. "Be a good girl. Good girls get rewarded." She obeyed. With one hand on the wheel and the other around his dick, she tried to focus on the road, knowing the occupants of each car they passed had no idea what was going on. In sweet anticipation, she pushed her foot down harder on the accelerator. ------- Condoms of Champions "Oh, Jackie," he moaned, with had one hand on her breast, the other in her panties. "Oh, Bruce! Right there. Go on. That's the spot." She ground her hips against him. He worked a finger inside her and massaged her clit with his thumb making her squeal. "Oh, I love you so much, Jak." "I love you too, Bruce. Oh, that's good." He pulled his hand from her panties and tugged at her waistband. She rushed to stop him. "Do you have... ?" "What?" "You know..." Bruce looked blank. "A condom, Bruce. A Condom. I don't want to risk it." "Oh. Er, no, I haven't. But there's a twenty-four hour shop down the road. I'll be right back." Bruce raced to the store and hurried through the aisles until he found personal health. There were plenty of medicines for all sorts of ailments. There was even a cream for 'intimate health problems'. But he could not find the condoms. They must be behind the counter. The checkout assistant was an attractive young blonde. Bruce blushed, cleared his throat and said, "Doyouhaveanycondoms?" "Sorry?" He repeated the question. Slowly. "What kind would you like?" "Any. I don't care." "What about these?" She picked up a packet which bore the Olympic rings. "They're to celebrate the London Games in 2012. It's a pack of three—one gold, one silver, and one bronze." "Yeah, whatever. How much?" Bruce paid the girl and ran home. He leapt up the stairs, two at a time, shedding clothes as he went. Jackie was under the covers, waiting. "Got them?" "Yep. Olympian condoms. Condoms of champions. Which shall we use? Gold? I feel like a winner." Jackie grinned. "No. Use the silver." "Why." "It'd just be nice if you came second for a change." ------- Pie Shop (299 words) Jack had spent a cold, damp, winter morning going from one house to the next trying in vain to sell windows. By midday, he was wet, miserable, and famished. The estate he'd been working had a small shopping precinct at its heart. There was a butcher, baker, newsagent, chip shop, and a small Indian restaurant. There was a long queue in the chippy but Jack didn't want to wait. He tried the bakers, but they didn't have anything that appealed. There was a sign outside the butchers. "Freshly made, hot meat pies - £1 each." "Sounds good," said Jack. He ran into an old man coming out of the butchers. He wore a wide grin and looked very satisfied. "The pies good then, are they?" asked Jack. "Dunno," said the man. "I went in for a wank." "I beg your pardon?" "There's a girl works here who gives great wanks. Only five quid a tug. She does it out back in the meat fridge. Sounds funny, but by God she's good." Jack shook his head. "In there? In the butchers?" "Yeah. And that's not all. Tenner gets you a blow job, twenty and she'll let you stick it to her. That's what I do on Mondays, you know, when I gets my pension." The old man walked away and Jack went into the shop feeling slightly bemused. There was one woman behind the counter. She wasn't particularly attractive in Jack's opinion, but who was he to judge. "Excuse me," he whispered. "Are you the woman who gives wanks for a fiver?" The woman smiled. "I might be. Who's asking?" "I'm not the police, if that's what you're worried about." "In that case, yes. I am." "Right. Well then, wash your hands will you and get me a meat pie." ------- Retail Therapy Mandy and I had an early night. We cuddled and caressed, kissed and licked. She handled me with enthusiasm while I worshipped my goddess's tits and the altar of her femininity, getting her juiced up and panting. After a good five minutes (which is surely enough foreplay), I rolled on top of her and prepared to slip my boy home. "No, Mike. I don't feel like it anymore." She pushed me back. "Can't you just hold me for a while?" "What?" "Can't you love me for who I am instead of what we do in the bedroom?" "What?" "You're not in touch with my emotional feminine needs. Until you are, I can't satisfy your masculine physical needs." I rolled over and went to sleep. The next day I skipped work to spend some quality time with my girl. We went into London, had a nice lunch, and then I took her to Harrods. She couldn't decide between two outfits. "What do you think? Blue or red?" "Why don't we get both?" "Really?" "Sure. And you'll need new shoes to go with them." She grinned. "I love you so much." She tried on shoes for an hour. Then we went to the jewellery department where she picked out some diamond earrings. She also spotted a gold anklet that she really liked. She seemed close to orgasm from the retail excitement. "I think this is all I want for now, Sweetheart. Let's go to the cashier." "I don't think so, Honey." "What?" "Sweetie, you're just not in touch with my male financial needs. And until you are, I can't satisfy your feminine retail needs." If looks could kill... "Why can't you just love me for who I am instead of the things I buy you?" I slept on the sofa that night. ------- Say it with Flowers Kevin had been in the pub with his mates since leaving the office. "Another one, lads? My shout." He rose unsteadily, staggered to the bar, winked at the busty barmaid and ordered more beers. She flashed him her stunning smile in return. When his mobile phone rang, he looked at the screen before answering and let out a resigned sigh. "Hey, Sal." "Where the fuck are you, arsehole? It's fucking Valentine's Day!" "Eh?" "We were going for dinner. At Chico's. That posh Italian place." "Fuck, yeah. Sorry. I forgot. I'll be right over." "There's no point, we've missed the booking. No blow-jobs for you for at least a month." "I'll come round anyway. Pick up a pizza and a DVD." "All right. But get a good film, nothing violent. And no bloody pineapple on the pizza." "Oklay." "And I expect you to go down on me for at least an hour by way of apology. Got it?" Kevin left the pub to calls of 'pussy-whipped', stopped at the video store and rented a chick flick and ordered a chicken and mushroom special from the pizza take-away. His route to Sally's took him past St. Gregory's. There must have been a wedding earlier in the day, because a discarded flower arrangement lay in the church-yard. He checked no one was watching and then scooped up the bouquet, his beer-soaked brain convinced Sally would be chuffed. He was wrong. After he'd given her the flowers, she went all cold-shouldered on him. "What's wrong?" "Don't you know?" Kevin shook his head. "Aren't they nice flowers?" "Oh, lovely. But you stole them?" "How do you know?" "Read the card." Kevin did. "Bye Mum. We'll miss you." Sally frowned. "How low can you get, huh? We better make it two hours, don't you think?" ------- Sorry (300 words) He led her to a carriage drawn by a strong, black horse and driven by a man dressed smartly in long coat who tipped his top hat as she climb aboard. She sat on the bench seat while he sat opposite and presented her with a box of Belgian chocolates and a dozen red roses. He pointed upwards as they drove along the street. Her gaze fell upon a banner which read, "I'm Sorry." A truck drove alongside carrying a string quartet. He retrieved a jewellery box from inside his jacket and opened it to show a pair of diamond earrings. He pointed up. Another banner read, "I'm Very Sorry." A brass band swung out from a side street to follow the carriage. He took a fur coat from under his seat and draped it around her. An aeroplane wrote, "I'm Really Very Sorry" across the sky. They stopped outside a hotel and he led her up the red carpet to the honeymoon suite. Caviar, oysters, strawberries and champagne awaited. He took her to the four-poster bed and slowly undressed her, caressing every inch of her body, then entered her and gently brought them to simultaneous orgasm. He held her close and whispered, "I'm more sorry than words can ever say. Please, forgive me." "I always forgive you. You should know that by now. I just have one question. What, exactly, are you apologising for?" "For whatever I did to upset you." She sighed, stood up and got fressed. "If you don't know what it's for, then it's a worthless apology. Why didn't you take a second out from setting up all this crap, to ask me why I was upset?" She strode from the room. He followed. "Darling, wait. I'm an idiot. Tell me now. Please. Darling, I'm sorry." ------- Testing the Groom (297 words) Bob's bride-to-be, Pamela, was a wonderful woman who he loved very much. But Bob had a problem—Pamela's sister. Sally had long legs, glorious breasts, golden hair and her sparkling sapphire eyes. She was a walking wet dream. But Bob loved Pamela, and there was no way he couldn't risk putting a move on her sister. One weekend, while Pam was away at a health spa, she called Bob. "Sally says the invitations have arrived. Could you go over and check them with her?" "Sure. I'll go tonight. I've got nothing else to do." The invitations were fine. Bob put the stamp on the last envelope, and then Sally took his hands in hers. "I can't believe Pam's met such a great guy. I wish I'd met you first." Bob didn't know what to say. "Bob, do you think ... no, it's stupid." "What's stupid?" "Do you think you could make love to me? Just once, before you're off the market." "That's not a good idea." "But Pam and I have always shared everything and it'll only be this once. She'll never know. Tell you what, I'll wait upstairs. If you want me, come on up. I'll be waiting on the bed. Naked." Sally kissed his forehead and left. Bob listened to her footsteps on the stairs. He thought for a second, then leapt up, ran to the front door, and burst outside. In the garden, he found Pamela's father waiting for him. "Congratulations," said Pam's dad. "You passed my little test. I couldn't hope for a better man for my daughter." He grinned, clapped Bob on the shoulder and went into the house. Sally waited in the doorway, fully clothed. Bob wiped his forehead with his sleeve. Damn! It's lucky I left the condoms in the car. ------- Three in a Bed (300 words) Shell brought Caroline a huge card, a box of chocolates and champagne. She arrived at the party fashionably late and already slightly sloshed having had a glass or two of wine. "Happy birthday, Caroline!" She embraced her friend and handed over the presents. "Oh, Shell. Champagne! You open it, I'll get the glasses." Two hours and several drinks later, both women were roaring drunk. "Caroline, I need to lie down. Mind if I crash on your bed?" "No, course I don't." Shell staggered into the darkened room, collapsed on the bed and promptly fell asleep only to be woken by the bedroom door creaking open sometime later. A man laughed. A dirty, drunken laugh. "Shush! Shell's asleep," said Caroline. "But if she's on the bed, where will we go?" "Don't worry, she's pissed. She wouldn't notice if a bomb went off." Shell lay on her side with her back to the door. Her imagination stood in for her eyes. She knew Caroline's taste in men. He'd be tall, at least six foot, and built like a brick outhouse. They'd be kissing—that's what the slurping noises were. The hunk probably had his hands on her tits too. Men loved Caroline's big tits. She felt the mattress sink and heard Caroline moan as the bed started rocking. The fuck lasted mere minutes. Whoever he was, he was good—Caroline came quickly, although she may have faked it, Shell couldn't tell. "That was lovely, Jack. Now get dressed and fuck off. I want some sleep." Jack left and Caroline put her hand on Shell's shoulder. "Shell? I know you're awake and that you enjoyed that, you dirty bitch." Shell rolled over. "God, yeah. I've never been so turned on." "Good. Now, give me my real birthday present, 'cause Jack was fucking rubbish." ------- Value for Money (286 Words) Tony had taken up jogging because the doctor had instructed him to improve his fitness levels or risk a heart attack. Every morning before sunrise, he jogged the same circular route from his house, through some of the city streets and the park and back home. One morning, halfway around his route, he passed a hooker returning from a hard night's work on her back. "Fifty quid," she called as he jogged past. Tony was momentarily taken aback at bring propositioned so openly, but he gathered his wits and called back, "Five." "Fuck off! I'm no bargain basement shag." The same thing happened every day for the next two weeks. Tony encountered the hooker as she returned home. He jogged by, she quoted a price and he yelled one back. Not once did they agree. One Saturday, Tony's wife decided to go jogging with him. They left at his usual time, and followed his usual route. Tony only hoped that the hooker had taken the night off. He was apprehensive as they approached the street where he normally met her. He knew she'd quote him her usual fifty quid, and his wife might think that he'd been availing himself of her services. They turned the corner and sure enough, there was the hooker, staggering along on ridiculously high heels. "Look at that," said Tony's wife. "You think she'd have a little more self-respect." They passed the hooker and Tony did his best to avoid eye contact. He breathed a sigh of relief when she was behind him—he'd got away with it. Suddenly, the hooker called out. "Oy! Bet you're sorry you didn't stump up fifty now that you see what you get for a fiver!" ------- Whilekat' Saway Minnie tapped her foot until the phone was answered. "Lucy. It's me. I'm lonely." "Lonely?" "Kat's at a conference. Come around. I don't like being on my own." "I got a lot of work to do." "I got red wine and tequila..." "Okay, you've convinced me. I'll be around in ten." The red wine was gone. The tequila bottle was half empty. Minnie and Lucy sat on the floor in the lounge, looking through their university photos, each one reducing them to fits of giggles. "Look at this one," Minnie said. "Freddy! I'd forgotten about him. He was massive." "Which bit?" "You know which bit. You used it too, as I remember." Lucy tried to playfully slap her friend, but missed and collapsed into giggles again. Minnie was also in hysterics and rolled on to her side holding her stomach. "Can't miss this time. Target's too big!" Lucy slapped Minnie's arse as hard as she could. "Ow! Cow! That hurt." Minnie reached around to retaliate and within seconds, the two young women were wrestling. Minnie won. She pinned Lucy, holding her arms with her knees and her shoulders with her hands. "Now, I've got you, what shall I do with you?" "Anything you like." Lucy grinned. Minnie bent her head and licked her friend's cheek. Her tongue lingered a while and then snaked into Lucy's waiting mouth. The kiss became passionate, but was interrupted by a newcomer's cough. "Looks like you found someone else to play with when I'm away." "Kat? I thought..." "The conference was cancelled." "Are you mad with me?" "Mad?" asked Lucy. "She looks like the Kat that got the cream." "Hmmm, not yet. But it is a good idea. Wait here." Kat left the room and returned with a squirty can. "Now, who's first?" ------- The End ------- Posted: 2011-02-04 Last Modified: 2011-02-24 / 12:19:39 pm ------- http://storiesonline.net/ -------