Storiesonline.net ------- The Quatyl by Lazlo Zalezac Copyright© 2007 by Lazlo Zalezac ------- Description: The Quatyl are small and cute. With their short stubby legs, very soft fur, and small mouths they are basically defenseless. Did I mention that they are cute? They are very cute. They are also the most feared space faring race in the galaxy because they can telepathically control every species they've ever encountered. Oh, by the way, they just discovered the Earth. Codes: ScFi rom ------- ------- Copyright© Lazlo Zalezac, 2006 ------- Prologue Space is big — very big. It is so big that it boggles the imagination. Regardless of how grand someone's imagination might be, it will be boggled when trying to comprehend the size of space. No matter how big a person might imagine space to be, it is bigger than that. Despite the fact that space is predominately empty, it holds an awful lot of stars. A small percentage of those stars have planets that orbit around them. A small percentage of those planets have life forms that crawl over their surfaces. A small percentage of those life forms possess intelligence. A small percentage of the intelligent life forms actually make it into space. Now, one would think that a small percentage of a small percentage of a small percentage of a small percentage would lead to an incredibly small number of space faring races. That is not the case. As mentioned previously, there are an awful lot of stars and this means that there are a lot of space faring races. Every space faring race has a theory about what is required to become a space faring race. For the most part, such theories describe the race itself and include caveats that explain why no other species on their home planet could achieve such an accomplishment. Those theories are modified as necessary once a new space faring race is encountered. Among all those theories, there are a few common rules that are universally held. It is accepted as a fact that all space-faring races have a significant level of intelligence. Of course, this characteristic is almost too trite to deserve much mention and the need for intelligence in reaching space is just too obvious to even bear justification. It is important though when two species meet that they don't underestimate each other. One can't just assume that the other species is less intelligent even if they have a cursory similarity in appearance to a local species that is not intelligent enough to reach space. It is also accepted beyond all doubt that every space-faring race is curious. The kinds of discoveries that are required to get into space require one to work at achieving them. The effort necessary to make those discoveries requires curiosity as a motivator. Even if a discovery of star shattering significance is presented in front of an intelligent individual, it would go unnoticed if the individual isn't curious enough to take the time to observe it. The most widely held rule and one that is almost as obvious as curiosity and intelligence is that individuals within the species must have appendages that allow for the manipulation of tools. Without the ability to use tools, common sense dictates that it isn't possible to build spaceships. The specifics of what kind of appendage is required differ from race to race. For example, the Andicors believe that it requires pinchers while the Engels believe that it requires talons arranged in a triangular configuration. Another universally accepted rule is that the individuals within the species must have the ability to carry things while moving. Without being able to move something from one place to another, it isn't possible to build something. The parts have to be brought together to make the whole. This is particularly true when discussing the construction of spaceships since they tend to have lots of parts. While not immediately obvious, an environmental rule is that the species has to live on land or, at least, be able to live outside of water. An aquatic environment doesn't allow for the development of metallurgy or chemistry, both of which are essential in the construction of a spaceship. Spaceships have to be made of materials capable of resisting the vacuum of space. Most organic materials just won't deal with a hard vacuum. Only a species that is capable of living on land can discover fire and all of discoveries that follow from that. A rather surprising rule, universally held, is that the species has to be omnivorous from the perspective of their planet of origin. Achieving a space faring status requires a delicate balance in temperament for the species. It is universally held that herbivores are too meek to pursue technology to a level that would take them to the stars. Not too surprisingly, it is widely believed that carnivores are too aggressive to survive the development of technology and would wipe out the species as a result of war. Omnivores are deemed to be sufficiently aggressive to develop technology and restrained enough not to use it in a self-destructive war. A final rule, and one that isn't immediately obvious, is that the species has to be capable of communicating using sound. The reasons for this rule are actually quite logical. Audible communications allows individuals to work together without dropping everything to exchange information. Gestures are deemed insufficient because it requires individuals to face each other. Aromas are universally eliminated as a mechanism for communicating the concepts necessary to build a spaceship. Aromas carry across distances too slowly and can't be modulated with any kind of speed to be very useful as a medium of exchanging complicated technical information. Since curiosity is one characteristic that leads a species to reach for the stars, it follows that each space faring race will spend a significant amount of time exploring its own little corner of space. One might think that such explorations would mean that galactic wars would be common, but this is not the case. Fortunately, as stated previously -- space is very big. Each space faring race has lots of empty space to explore. This means that space faring races seldom encounter each other, although it does happen on occasion. In one small region of space, a number of space faring races have met. These races include the Gnord, the Omagrons, the Dactites, the Margots, the Dromats, the Andicors, the Engels, and the Quatyl. For reasons that will become apparent, these space faring races have become unified under the command of the Quatyl. The Gnord have been in space the longest of all members of the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency. It is not that they were particularly quick in reaching space; it is that they are the oldest of the races. The Gnord are the largest and physically strongest of the space faring races. With a head atop a trunk with two very long arms and a main body the size and shape of a Shetland pony, the Gnord could have been the origin of the centaur myth. They could have been, that is, if they had ever visited the planet Earth. Unlike the centaurs of myth, the Gnord are a uniform gray color. The head has a nominal similarity to that of a human in the sense that it has a pair of eyes, a nose, and a mouth. The nose is actually a flap of skin that hangs over its breathing hole. The mouth most closely resembles a beak. The eyes are large and round with a muscular flap that can lower over them. The ears are actually a set of holes that run along the neck of the Gnord. The Gnord have two very long arms which end in hands that have two fingers and an opposable thumb. In the early history of their race, they started with a ternary number system. In the midst of their scientific revolution, they switched to a binary number system. Incidentally, their scientific revolution lasted almost twenty thousand years. By the standards of most species, it wasn't much of a revolution. By the standards of the Gnord, it seemed as if it was an overnight change. Among space faring races, the Gnord is considered to be of average intelligence and low curiosity. The Gnord are famous for their slow methodical manner of approaching problems as evidenced by their scientific revolution. While other individuals from other races can identify four different solutions to a problem in the same time that it takes a Gnord to arrive at one solution, all will agree that the Gnord's solution is the best. It was a Gnord that came up with the suite of tests that are used by the Quatyl to assess the intelligence, emotional stability, and physical strength of other space faring species. The Gnord who came up with the scales was shunned by all other Gnord since they came out very low in all measures except for concentration and emotional stability. While having a high emotional stability might be considered good, it also makes the individual very dull. The space faring races that have met the Gnord often consider them the dullest species in the universe. The Gnord are the least aggressive of all space faring races. With their detailed planning, they tend to avoid conflicts as much as possible. Trouble usually comes to them rather than them going to it. When threatened they tend to stand in place trying to figure out an appropriate response. Usually by the time they come up with a response, the threat has ended. The first race that the Gnord encountered in space was the Omagron. An Omagron is a small delicate lizard-like creature that walks on its hind feet. The average height of an Omagron is about three and a half feet tall. Their backs are bright red in color and their bellies are bright yellow. They have a large head that attaches to their body by a thick neck. They have a ridge of plate-like scales that begins at the base of their neck, goes down their back, and ends at the base of their short stubby tail. The hand of an Omagron has eight claw-like fingers arranged in two opposing rows of four digits each. The two rows of fingers curl in towards each other in a perpetual grasp. The fingers have razor sharp nails at the ends. The Omagron consider sharp nails to be rude and will dull them by rubbing their nails against an abrasive surface. Their feet have a similar arrangement of toes, but instead of four digits in each opposing row they have three digits. The toes splay outwards providing a large base on which to support their body. An Omagron will use its tail as a support while standing. Their physiology is such that sitting is not possible. Since the tripod arrangement of two legs and a tail is very stable, an Omagron will remain standing while resting. Since the eyelids of an Omagron are the same color as the eyes, it is difficult to tell if an Omagron is asleep or awake from a distance. The Omagrons, as a race, are considered to be among the smartest of the space faring races. They boast that they can easily visualize a six dimensional space and find the visible three dimensional view of the world provided by their eyes rather flat. Having developed an unusual counting system based on the number of fingers on their hands, they adopted a number system based on the number nine. This odd selection allowed them to count to eighty-eight in their number system by using one hand for the one's digit and the second hand for the nine's digit. The Omagrons are territorial and will fight to protect their territory, but that is the limit of their aggression. If they see that an area is already occupied, they will not intrude. This goes for personal space as well. Approaching too closely will result in first a warning and then with aggression. The Omagrons verbally communicate using what sounds like bird calls. The sound is nearly too high of a frequency to be heard by human ears. Before the Omagrons and the Gnords met, the Omagrons had already encountered the Dactites. The Dactites are a small monkey-like race. While they may be shaped like a monkey, they have a very different internal structure. They have orange colored fur. The fur on the female of the species changes to bright red during their mating season. It quickly turns back to orange after they lay their eggs. The Dactites have small agile hands with tremendous eye to hand coordination. Consistent with their origin on a planet with a bright sun, their eyes are narrow slits across their face. They have no nose. Their sense of smell is integrated into their mouth as receptors in the lining of their cheeks. The mouth is a slit covered with rubbery lips. Their ears look like little radar dishes complete with a little stub in the center of the dish. The ears are located above their eyes. They are a species of average intelligence, but have difficulties concentrating on abstract concepts for long periods of time. They are most comfortable dealing with concrete concepts and enjoy engineering types of activities. The Dactites communicate by emitting a low frequency rumble and moderating the volume. Most space faring races consider listening to a Dactite to be extremely taxing. Unfortunately, the Dactites are very talkative. A group of Dactites will often talk at the same time using different frequencies. The resulting noise produced is irritating to most listeners. Individually, Dactites are not aggressive at all and will flee in the face of danger. As a group, the Dactites will occasionally fight if the threat is direct and the chance of winning is high. When fleeing, Dactites tend to separate making it more difficult to catch the entire group. The Omagrons are not the only lizard-like race in the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency. The Margot are another lizard-like race that is easily distinguished from the Omagrons. They have rugged looking bodies, stand a foot taller, have a longer tail, and are uniformly blue. Their scales are rich in Silicon which serves as a rather effective armor. There is a thick layer of a fat-like substance under their skin so they can take significant physical impact without much affect. They are not risk adverse and love to climb. Their voices are in a more normal range and their mode of communication is much like singing. They take as much pride in how a message is delivered as in the contents of the message. A group will sing together as they work weaving into their song information about their work as they go. They are of moderate intelligence as far as space faring races go. They do not have the attention to detail that characterizes the Gnord. As a result, their engineering tends to be a sloppy. Even low concentrations of hydrocarbons are toxic to them and this made their technical development a little slower than most space faring races. In terms of aggression, the Margots are considered to be very aggression and will encroach upon another's territory without hesitation. They will fight to establish superiority, but back off quickly if the other side is strong. They won't fight to the death, fleeing if the other side is too intent on causing mortal harm. It is never wise to mix Margots and Omagrons in a single crew. The Margots tend to repeatedly invade the personal space of the Omagrons and quick little squabbles ensue. While there aren't casualties, it does make controlling the crew rather difficult. The youngest space faring race is the Dromats. The one word that can be used to describe a Dromat is hairy. The only place on their body that isn't covered with long strands of brown hair is their face. Their face has a pair of eyes set on the sides of their head, three odd slits that functioned as a nose, and a huge mouth filled with very small teeth. Although they communicate by sound, their ears are hidden somewhere under their hair. It is necessary for them to trim the hair around their hands for them to be able to use them. Their hands have six fingers and an opposable thumb. Two of their fingers are set at right angles to the rest of their fingers. The Dromats are an intelligent species testing well above average particularly in the area of logical thought. Only a fool would try to use logic to sway a Dromat from a decision that they had made. The Dromat would turn the logic around in a second and have the fool agreeing with him in no time at all. The discovery of the lever appears to have had a profound impact on the species. Almost everything they make incorporates a lever whether it is needed or not. When questioned about their apparent obsession with the lever, a Dromat will invariably answer, "A lever is a lever." The questioner will leave as informed as when they started the discussion. Dromats give birth to live young and, were at one time, very prolific in producing children. At one time in their past, the population had grown too large for their environment to support. There was a large scale famine, social upheaval, and a plague that devastated the population. Since then, the Dromats have imposed a very strict regime of birth control on themselves. A Dromat couple will only get permission to have a child when another Dromat has died. The Dromat are not particularly aggressive. It has been speculated that all of their hair tends to get in the way of aggression. They will always back away from a fight. If pressed, they will react but it is usually pretty ineffective. Of course, most animals that attack a Dromat end up with a mouth full of hair rather than Dromat. They are not particularly strong despite having a height of over five feet. The Andicors nearly drove the Dactites and the Margots crazy upon their first few encounters. The Andicors are passive aggressive. They will encroach on another's territory, but withdraw into their shell when attacked and outwait the other side. It isn't that they are trying to push the other out of their territory. They are willing to share territories and will completely ignore other occupants. The Andicors look a lot like a cross between a fat praying mantis and a crab. They have the body of a praying mantis with the shell of a crab. The head is encased within the shell and the eyes are on stalks. They have pinchers that they are very adept in using for fine detailed movements. Unlike crabs, they can not replace their pinchers if they lose one. Despite their insect-like appearance, the Andicors are very intelligent. They trust their mental abilities to solve problems much more than computers. They tend to pursue mechanical solutions to their needs than software solutions. As a result, their space ships tend to be very big. Andicors communicate using clicks made by striking their shell with small appendages that stick out from the shell around the head area. When a group of them are together it sounds a lot like an old typing pool. They have one volume — loud. When they sing, it sounds a lot like a drum corp. The Andicor breed by laying eggs and will carry the eggs on the undersides of their body in little pockets of their shell that are ideal for that purpose. They are not prolific breeders having one or two eggs with a very long gestation period. The young are born with a soft shell that grows until adulthood at which point in time the shell hardens. The Engels look a lot like raptor dinosaurs except for their flat heads. Their mouths do not have teeth. Instead, they have a rigid gum that allows them to chew their food. They use their very sharp talons to cut meat into very small chunks that can be chewed. Despite the fact that sharp talons make it difficult to manipulate tools, the Engel pride themselves on the sharpness of their talons. They look down on the Omagrons for their practice of blunting their claws. The Engels never made the transition from scavenger to hunter. This is surprising considering their sharp talons and exceptional eyesight. They are not very aggressive, but they will defend themselves viciously when attacked. Although they adopted farming very early in their history, it took them a long time to make the discovery that they could raise food animals for consumption. The average Engel is usually of below average intelligence for a space faring race although each generation there are a few rare individuals who display genius level intelligence. It was the rare geniuses that raised the Engel to the status of a space faring race. Although they have a very poorly developed sense of curiosity, the Engel have dedication to purpose. They will commit themselves to executing the vision of an exceptionally smart individual even if it results in their death. More than any other space faring species, an individual Engel defines itself according to the purpose which they serve. The Engel have live young that take about thirty years to grow into adulthood. That extended childhood is necessary because they are relatively slow learners. It is only their dedication to purpose of individuals that enables their school system to prepare the next generation for its responsibilities. As with any set of rules, there is an exception. There is one space faring race, the Quatyl, which violates almost all of the rules that characterize space faring races. The Quatyl lack the kinds of appendages that would allow them to manipulate tools. Instead, they are quadrupeds with short stubby legs that end in soft pads. Their legs are so short that the pad of one leg can't be brought into contact with the pad of another leg. In fact, their bodies are much like that of an otter, only flatter and wider. In violation of another of the universally accepted rules, the Quatyl are herbivores. They have a face that is very much like that of a baby seal except their mouths are smaller. Their mouths lack teeth and they can eat only the most delicate of vegetation. Their small mouths, combined with their short legs, are also the reason why they can't move and carry things at the same time. If that wasn't enough to prevent the Quatyl from reaching space, they also lack voices that would give them the ability to communicate using sound. The Quatyl lack useful vocal chords capable of producing a wide variety of sounds. With a soft body and soft pads, a Quatyl can't even use a drumming mechanism for communication. The only sound a Quatyl can make is a rumbling sound from deep within its body. There is a soft and harsh version of the rumbling sound that can be interpreted as a purr and a growl respectively. It should be noted that emitting those sounds is totally involuntary on the part of the individual. In light of the fact that the Quatyl violate almost every rule for a space faring race, it is somewhat ironic that they are the most feared space faring race in the galaxy. The Quatyl are conquering the entire known galaxy and no race that has encountered them has emerged victorious. This is impressive since the average Quatyl invasion force is composed of eight Quatyl command crew and two hundred servant crew. It is even more impressive when one considers that a Quatyl is about the size of a rather large house cat. The secret to the Quatyl's success is the fact that they are extremely intelligent and, most importantly, can telepathically control individuals of other species. Their telepathy was initially a defense mechanism by which they could hide themselves from predators. In time, it evolved to the point where they could control predators. When they discovered that they could control other species to do their work for them, the slow, but steady, development of technology began. The one weakness of the Quatyl telepathy is that they can't communicate directly with each other. Instead, they require an intermediary species that they can manipulate mentally to make sounds for them. The species of choice for that purpose is the Slathern, a slug-like animal that is one of the few species that the Quatyl trust enough to never hurt them. It has a two chambered lung that simultaneously brings in air through one opening and exhales through a second and much smaller opening. The second opening can be moderated to provide a surprising range of sounds. Part of the reason the Quatyl trust the Slathern is that the Slathern are unable to move at a rate faster than one body length (approximately six inches) per chronon (approximately half an earth day). The other reason is that the Slathern has no means of attacking them. They live off an algae-like plant that they absorb through their tiny mouth. One reason that makes the Slathern particularly valuable as an instrument of communication is that a Quatyl can roll in a patch of that plant and carry a Slathern on its back in the event of an emergency. It should be noted that the Quatyl are probably the most risk adverse space faring species in the entire galaxy. Their spaceships are designed with ten levels of backup systems. A member of a Quatyl crew never leaves their individual life support pod unless it is damaged beyond repair. The support pods are built into the very center of their ship so that the entire ship has to be almost totally destroyed before they are at risk. Quatyl do not react well to danger. Unlike the flight or fight response which holds true for most space-faring species, the Quatyl have a hide or give up response to danger. Their lack of fangs and claws coupled with their short stubby legs gives them a physiology that does not enable them to flee, much less fight. In a survival strategy far more developed than that adopted by the Possum, giving up meant losing consciousness. In practice, this means that the individual does not feel the pain of their demise. As their ability to control other species developed, the hide or give up response became less obvious. The Quatyl are barely aware of it. Quatyls are extremely shy and don't like to be seen. They spend most of their lives hidden away; even to the point where they hide from those who they control. Although they will allow an individual to bring them food, they never allow that individual to get close to them. When they land on a new planet, they remain in their ship and let their surrogates explore the world for them. The strange thing is that the Quatyls are not aware that they are on a mission to conquer the known galaxy. The Quatyl aren't even exploring space out of curiosity. Their voyage into space was initiated out of fear. The real mission of every invading force is to find a hostile species and report such a find back to the home planet so that others can avoid the danger by hiding from it. So far, they hadn't found a species that was hostile to them. First contact has always ended with them controlling the other species. It isn't a malicious act on their part; it is just that controlling other species is as instinctual to them as breathing. ------- Chapter 1 The Quatyl commander, Atac, scanned a report from the Gnord sensor specialist with dread. He had identified a previously unknown planetary system only eighty light years from their path. What was significant about this particular system was that radio emissions were originating from it. Radio emissions meant that some planet supported a space faring race or at least one that was very close to becoming one. Atac prayed that this system didn't hold the species that would threaten the Quatyl race. Like most Quatyl commanders, it had been his hope that he would fulfill his service in the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency without ever encountering an unknown species. The radio signals originating from an unexplored region of space had dashed that hope. He really didn't want to meet species responsible for all of those radio signals, but that did not prevent him from performing his duty. His job was to find new space faring species and assess their threat. Being a good loyal member of the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency, he gave the order to locate the source of the radio signals and set course for their origin. The Omagron navigator entered the course feeling sorry for the residents of that planet. She knew that the residents would soon become slaves to the Quatyl. Her feelings didn't matter since she couldn't have disobeyed the mental commands imposed on her by the Quatyl commander. One of the worst things about the Quatyl form of control was that the controlled entity was fully aware of the control while being unable to resist it. The lack of hope ate away at her spirit. The Omagrons species were nearly extinct because of a low birth rate. Females weren't laying eggs in quantity and the sperm of the males was weak. It was as if the race was committing suicide. It was an all too common chain of events among species controlled by the Quatyl. Even the Quatyl observed this and didn't know what to do about it. Ignoring the depressing chain of thoughts in the navigator's mind, Atac picked up the information that they would reach the planetary system within a hundred chronons. He input the information into the navigator's mind that they were to approach the system above the planetary orbital plane. There was less debris on that route and, hence, less risk of collision. Once they would arrive above the orbital plane, Atac planned to spend some time studying the system from a safe distance. The problem was in determining how far away was a safe enough distance that would still allow them to collect data. Nothing filled a Quatyl with greater dread than first contact with a new species. Atac communicated with his mate, Atar, via his Slathern and explained the situation to her. Her job was to control the work crew while they maintained the ship. It would be up to her to coordinate any necessary repairs if the ship was damaged. The danger of this situation required that she be prepared to start repairs quickly should they come under attack. Atac then communicated the situation to Stac and Star. The young couple constituted the scientists of the command staff. Stac was knowledgeable in the physical sciences and was usually the busier of the two. Star was the linguist (every Quatyl explorer ship had a linguist on board in case they ran into a space faring race). While they didn't perform the actual science themselves, they oversaw the support crew that did the work. They would control the crew to display important information on their computer screens and decide what was important enough to pursue further. The other four Quatyl aboard the explorer craft would each control a quarter of the scouts who would explore the planet. Once he was assured that the repair crews were standing by and the scientists were busy acquiring knowledge about the unknown species, Atac informed the others of the situation. There wasn't much for them to do until they landed other than to maintain their normal responsibilities. Leac and Lear, the oldest couple on the ship did their best to shrug off the situation as normal. Ceac and Cear, the youngest couple on the ship, were terrified by the prospect of meeting a new space faring species. Eighty chronons passed before the spaceship reached a position above the orbital plane. It didn't take long for their attention to turn to the third planet from the sun. It was from this planet that the radio emissions originated. In fact, more radio emissions originated from this planet than any member of the Quatyl race had ever encountered on approaching a planet. In galactic parlance, this was a loud and very rude planet. Fortunately, space is very large. The signals would become so weak after a sufficient distance that the shouting wouldn't interfere with the communications of much quieter and polite planets. Stac, one of the Quatyl, reported to Star via one of the Slathern, 'This is a strange planet. It has a very large moon orbiting it, but there are lots of little manufactured satellites as well.' 'The radio emissions are not decipherable. As soon as I think I've figured it out, I find that doesn't make sense any longer, ' Star reported using the same Slathern to relay the message back to Stac. Star was Stac's mate and they often shared their Slathern as a special form of intimacy. The reason for Star's confusion was that she wasn't expecting to encounter a planet that spoke more than one language. She was listening to messages transmitted in more than a hundred different languages and language variants. After spending over a hundred chronons on it, Star was convinced that whatever species was generating the messages had to be insane. Despite working on it for ages, she was just beginning to make sense out of one series of messages that appeared to have common linguistic elements. After observing the planet for a hundred chronons, the scientists reported the results of their observations to Atac via a Slathern and a presentation that laid out the essential information. It was not a very satisfying report from Atac's perspective. Stac had reported the presence of artificial satellites, but had not observed any space craft actually leaving the planet. According to his conservative report, he couldn't tell if the reason was that the species didn't frequent space all that often or if he was unable to detect their spacecraft. When it was Star's turn to present her results, Atac found himself getting more depressed. After studying the radio signals from the planet for more than a hundred chronons, she had not been able to decipher more than a miniscule fraction of it. She complained that there appeared to be hundreds of different formats in the signals and that the information within a channel was incomprehensible. After considering their presentation for almost a tenth of a chronon, Atac asked the question that Stac and Star had been dreading, 'Are they dangerous?' Driving the Slathern to the full extent of its ability to convey frustration, Stac answered, 'I don't know." Star answered, 'I don't know.' For another tenth of a chronon, Atac considered the situation. As commander of a Quatyl explorer ship, it was his duty to identify and quantify the danger posed by other space faring races. As a Quatyl, his instinct was to hide. Dreading the answer, he used the Slathern to ask, 'What do you recommend?" There was a long pause before Stac answered, 'We have to get closer.' 'How close?' 'Close enough to observe them, ' Star answered with a feeling of dread in her stomach. Using the Slathern, Stac said, 'Considering the number of artificial satellites, we are going to have to land on the planet.' 'I was hoping that you would have suggested something else, ' Atac said before dismissing them and ending the meeting. Atac took a full ten chronons planning how to get closer to the planet. They sent off all of their observations in a carrier drone back to the nearest base of the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency. Considering the time spent gathering information, the report was pretty incomplete. With great reluctance, he gave the order to approach the planet. The ship had fully entered the gravity well of the planet when Atac made his first bad decision of the mission. He mentally selected a spot on the planet and conveyed to the navigator to make a low orbit pass around the planet and then land at the specified location. The navigator laid in the course and the pilot followed it without question. The first evidence that things weren't going right occurred when the first shield was destroyed as a result of hitting a stealth communications satellite. In addition to being small and non- reflective, it hadn't been emitting any radio signals. There was no way they could have known that it was there. The situation only got worse. While everyone was recovering from the impact, the spaceship, deflected from its original course, hit a huge patch of debris left in space during the early days of the American and Russian space programs. The second shield was destroyed and the third was severely weakened. By this time, the spaceship was out of control and spinning wildly. It was at this point that Atac made his second mistake. Using too much mental force, he tried to control the actions of the pilot. The mental force applied was too much for the pilot causing him to suffer a major stroke. Suddenly control was up to the second pilot. The second pilot pushed the spaceship down towards the planet hoping to get below the debris that was destroying the ship. Entering the atmosphere at too steep of an angle stripped away the battered remains of the third shield. Panicked, Atac commanded the second pilot to get the craft on the ground as quickly as possible. Unable to argue, the pilot headed towards the ground. A new problem quickly arose. The ship was headed directly at a heavily populated area. By this time, the spaceship was screaming through the atmosphere leaving a flaming trail behind it and every radar installation around the world was tracking it. Unfortunately for the Quatyl, the trajectory took the spaceship over a country that was involved in a war with a neighboring country. This war involved each country lobbing low altitude missiles at the other country. The border of the more technologically advanced country was protected from incoming missiles by several batteries of anti- missile missiles. One of the operators, an idiot by his own admission, decided it would be 'fun' to see a missile take out a shooting star. The missile didn't take out the spaceship, but it did render one more shield useless and changed its trajectory. Although it wouldn't make Atac feel any better if he were to learn of it, the operator was court marshaled for his little stunt. With half of the failsafe systems destroyed, the crew of Quatyl was terrified and curled into their life support pods anticipating death in a fiery crash. It should be noted that the life support pods were basically three chambered affairs. One chamber was shared by a mated pair of Quatyl and represented their living quarters. The other two chambers were individual work spaces that provided sufficient separation to allow them to work. Atac, making his third bad decision, gave up all control over the pilot. The pilot, left alone to make decisions for himself for the first time in his life, decided to see what would happen if he did nothing. The spaceship started tumbling out of control. Anyone who wasn't fastened inside of a crash chair was killed by the jarring motions of the ship. A few other crew members were killed when struck by flying objects, including other members of the crew who had not been fortunate enough to be secured in their crash chair. The pilot was one of those who didn't survive long enough to regret his decision to do nothing. The first contact with the surface of the planet was in the middle of a large body of water. The space ship skipped along the body of water like a flat stone thrown across a lake. Each bounce damaged more of the ship and threw the crew around the interior. The Quatyl were fairly safe within their safety pods, but Leac was slightly injured with a cut to his side. Skipping across the ocean did have one benefit although it would be years before that benefit was realized by the Quatyl. After the third bounce, not a single radar installation had any clue where the spaceship was headed. It was flying too low to be easily observed by radar. It was assumed by Earth authorities that it sank into the ocean. Since the search area was too large to cover, the Quatyl were spared the indignity of becoming lab specimens in some secret government laboratory while unconscious and unable to react. The spaceship plowed into the ground on the northern side of the Isthmus of Tehuantepec in Mexico. It bounced once and then settled into a swampy area surrounded by a cloud of steam. The crash destroyed the outer-most remaining hull, killing almost a third of the non-Quatyl crew, and breached the next hull leaving another third of the non-Quatyl crew injured. The panic of the crew required the full ability of the eight Quatyl to restore control over them. By the time everything finally settled down, almost three quarters of the crew were dead or dying. Atac and Atar quickly worked to organize repair crews while Stac and Star sent out an initial scouting party. Ceac and Cear were both unconscious, as was Leac. Lear was panicked over the state of Leac and was more worried about him than the mission. As is the nature of such incidents, the crash had damaged the ship far beyond the ability of even the most risk-adverse engineers to prevent. Almost every system on board was inoperable. Even life support had been significantly impaired. Communications were wiped out. All of the external antennas had been lost when the outer-most hull had been destroyed. Secondary internal antennas had been lost when the inner hulls were damaged. Even the primary and secondary power supplies had been cracked by the impact of the crash. The only power onboard the ship was from the backup batteries. The situation was dire and the Quatyl were near panic. For a shy and risk adverse species, the conditions were almost beyond their ability to comprehend. Every action they took seemed to involve more risk than they felt was acceptable. It didn't matter, need dictated that they firm up their resolution and tackle the situation the best they could. For a full two chronons, Stac had the environmental specialist, a Dromat, examine the atmosphere of the planet. After a full analysis, it was determined that the atmosphere would support all of the species on board with the exception of the Margot. The atmosphere contained too many hydrocarbons and would slowly poison the Margot. That didn't represent too much of a problem. The only Margot on board of the ship had died from injuries sustained during the crash. In fact, it had died while the environmental scan was being performed. Ceac commanded a party of Omargons into the swap around the ship for the purpose of getting a view of the external damage to the space craft. He had chosen the Omargons because he thought the lizard-like race would have no difficulties navigating the wet terrain. That was not to be the case, but it was not because they couldn't deal with the terrain. Almost as soon as the first Omargon stepped out of the craft, a huge bird swept down out of the sky and carried it off. Ceac attempted to control the bird, but nothing happened. The bird-brain was just too primitive for him to inject a command. Surprised, Ceac used a Slathern to communicate with the rest of the Quatyl. His announcement was sufficient to get Lear's mind off Leac's injury. The eight Quatyl drove two of the crew to nervous breakdowns while arguing the significance of not being able to control the animal that had attacked the Omargon. The next fatality occurred when a snake slithered into a tear in the hull and took one of the Dactites who had been repairing an interior wall. As the snake constricted around the Dactite, Cear let loose with a scream that took over every Slathern on board the ship. The shock of discovering something that could attack without being sensed struck the innermost fear of the young female Quatyl. Of course, the scream caused the other Quatyl to stop what they were doing. They had to regain control over a Slathern to learn what had caused the problem. Exhausted, confused, and emotionally drained, the telepathic control the Quatyl had over the rest of the crew failed. Consistent with the basic character of the Dactites to flee when confronted with danger, all of the Dactites fled the ship when the mental control over them was interrupted. It would have been significant if their flight had been planned, but their actions were motivated by blind unreasoning fear. Unfortunately for the Dactites, none of them survived more than two chronon outside the ship. The horrible thing about this attack was that none of the Quatyl had realized the snake was present. When the Dactites fled, the Quatyl couldn't locate the snake with their highly developed telepathic senses. The dull unreasoning mind of the snake was just too simple to register on their senses. The thought that there existed a life form to which they were telepathically blind sent shivers of fear down their spines. It was not surprising that Leac and Atar lost consciousness about that time. The presence of a danger that they couldn't recognize in time to hide from it had triggered their give up response. It was several chronons before the Quatyl were able to recover enough to get sufficient control over the rest of the servant crew to resume repairs on the ship. For the next hundred chronons (about fifty earth days) the Quatyl attempted to get their ship repaired to a self-sustaining level before they lost their entire servant crew. It was a race against time. It seemed as if every chronon or two, something would come in and kill another crew member. By the hundredth chronon, they were down to three crew members and there was no chance of fixing the ship. The Quatyl had lost their race to save the ship. In fact, they hadn't been able to restore enough of the ship's integrity to prevent further attacks against their crew. As the commander of the mission, Atac was in a horrible spot. He knew that if they lost the last three servant crew members, then all of the Quatyl were doomed to die in their rescue pods. He was also very aware that they weren't able to protect the servant crew from the dangers that were able to enter the ship at will. He decided that it was time to leave the ship in the hope of finding some species that the Quatyl could control. Along with two Omagron, one of the last remaining members of the servant crew was a Gnord. After giving full consideration to his circumstances, there was only one choice Atac could make; the Gnord would have to carry them on its back. With its size and speed, Atac hoped that it would be able to outrun any predator they encountered. It was the first good effective decision that he made since entering the planetary system. The two Omagron would have to serve as guards to protect them. Having made the decision to leave, it was then a question of where to go. The sensors onboard had showed that there was better terrain a good distance to the north. It was his hope that the more open terrain would allow them to detect threats earlier and hence give them a greater chance of survival. At this point, he was only trying to survive long enough to find a species that they could control. Atac decided that they would head to an area where there were a few buildings. They would avoid built up areas since their small numbers could be overwhelmed very easily. He felt that by finding a single individual of the space faring race, they could determine what their next action would be. As far as plans made in dire circumstances go, it was about as good of a plan as possible. It took some time for the two Omagron to rig up a carryall that would ride on the Gnord's back and hold all eight Quatyl. Once it was completed, the eight Quatyl left their safety pods for the first time since boarding the ship. It took several attempts to coax Leac and Lear out of their rescue pod. They climbed into the carryall and then the group left the ship. From the very beginning, the trip out of the swamp did not go well. The Gnord kept finding that it was sinking to its withers in the mud. It encountered snakes on several occasions. One of them was a monster that wrapped itself around the Gnord. One of the Omagron managed to use a knife to kill the snake, but the event had left the Quatyl shaken. The Omagron, although capable of handling the terrain, did not fare well. On their third chronon of the journey, one of them died when it wandered into an area of quicksand. The other Omagron attempted to rescue it, but it was too late. The more the trapped Omagron struggled, the faster it sank. The entire party was devastated by the event. The last remaining Omagron was clearing plants out of the way when it was bitten by a snake. The snake didn't bother to stay around to see if it had killed the Omagron, but slithered off into the bush. At first, none of them thought much of the event. Then the leg started to swell and the Omagron collapsed. Less than a twentieth of a chronon (approximately thirty minutes) later the Omagron was dead. Considering the sped at which a Gnord could travel, Atac had estimated that it would take seven chronons to get out of the swamp. Instead, it took twenty chronons and the only servant crew member that survived was the Gnord. The Quatyl ran out of food on the eighteenth chronon. It had been a difficult trip, but once free of the swamp the Quatyl had real hopes that things would improve. The Quatyl had controlled the Gnord to move without rest or food, thinking that it was more important to get free of the swamp. The Gnord, if its opinion had been asked, would have agreed with the Quatyl after giving the matter sufficient thought. That didn't make life any easier for the Gnord. As a member of a once proud space faring race, serving as a beast of burden wasn't doing great things for his spirit. It was seriously depressed and that was saying a lot considering the extreme emotional stability of a typical Gnord. Despite resting for a full chronon after leaving the swamp, the Gnord only lasted ten chronons before dying from over use and hunger. When the Gnord collapsed, the Quatyl were dumped out of the carryall and onto the ground. Losing their transportation was a major blow to the Quatyl. They couldn't believe that all of their crew had died. It would be unfair to the Quatyl to believe that they had no feelings for the individuals they controlled. They actually liked their unwilling slaves and always felt sad on the passing of one of them. Part of the problem was that they didn't really view the others as slaves, but as extensions of themselves. Losing an individual they controlled was a lot like losing a finger. It did hurt, but one didn't necessarily think about how the finger felt about it or even how the other fingers felt about it. Despite that, they were devastated by the death of the Gnord. With the death of the Gnord, their situation had truly become dire. The Quatyl were a space faring race that had achieved that status using proxies for arms and legs. Now, the eight Quatyl were on their own, alone in a hostile environment. They couldn't carry their own supplies. They couldn't make shelter for themselves. They couldn't even defend themselves. In short, they were helpless. The situation, which was bad enough, was getting even worse with every minute that passed. The Slatherns had started drying out once they left the swamp. By the time the Gnord died, there were only two Slatherns left alive. When the last Slathern died, they wouldn't even be able to communicate with each other. The one bright spot in the situation was that the Quatyl were able to affect a few of the animals that they encountered. A few rodents did their bidding, but there wasn't too much they could do with them. The psychic abilities of the Quatyl were only able to deter some of the larger predators from taking undue notice of them. Summoning their energy, the eight Quatyl continued onwards in the direction they had been heading despite having no real destination in mind. The plan was that they would keep moving until they found a place where they would be safe long enough to rest and feed. The short stumpy legs of the Quatyl made their progress slow. The soft pads of their feet were not well suited for the terrain. The hot sun beating down on their dark little bodies was uncomfortable. With each step, the two remaining Slathern continued to dry out. Still, the eight Quatyl marched on with a tenacity that would have made their entire race proud. ------- Chapter 2 Seated in front of his computer, James Leonard Foster was busy working on his latest novel. He had a week to finish it and had fallen behind on his schedule. As much as he hated it, he had to write almost two chapters a day to get finished in time to get the manuscript to his publisher. It wasn't really that difficult of a pace since each chapter was fairly short. The contract under which he was working dictated he deliver the manuscript in ten days. That gave him seven days to write, two days to travel, and one day to overnight the manuscript to New York. Although he was ashamed of it, he considered this story to be a light piece of trash that would bring in lots of money and a little fame, but no self respect. It wasn't the Great American Novel and he knew it. He didn't even pretend that it was. He didn't even try to pretend that any of his other novels were great pieces of literature. He produced light-hearted popular pulp fiction that attracted lots of readers. Attracting lots of readers brought lots of money. The novel he was working on was the latest in a series of stories about his famous character, Dr. Dud. He had never made up his mind as to what Dr. Dud was a doctor of, but he worked in a little of this and that through all of the stories. For the most part, he portrayed Dr. Dud as a psychic of modest talent. In the first story, a scientist had declared that his psychic talent was so modest that it was statistically insignificant; a fact that Dr. Dud proudly announced to any who would listen. In short, Dr. Dud was a bumbling idiot with more luck than any human could possibly possess. It was lame, but people loved the character. On this particular morning, James Leonard Foster was working on the first great love scene of the entire story. As was his habit, he was talking to the computer while writing. He felt that part of the creative process was talking through the story even if there was no one present to talk back to him. Frowning at the monitor, he said, "I guess I better describe her breasts. I'm tired of writing about big breasted heroines, I'll make her have very small breasts. She'll have breasts flat as pancakes; flatter than pancakes would be even better. Hmmm, should the aureole be puffy or flat? I'll make them flat. What color? How about brown? I've been using pink too often. Okay. Now what about size? In the last book, I made the aureole large. I'll go with small aureole this time, but she'll have big nipples. I like that; big nipples standing tall above small aureole on flat breasts." He typed his decisions concerning the breasts of the heroine into the computer. It wasn't a pornographic novel so he had to find a delicate balance between being too graphic and providing enough of a description to allow the reader to visualize the character. Sitting back, he said, "Maybe I ought to just find a picture of a woman and describe her. Nah, that's too easy. Besides, that would require some writing ability on my part." He leaned forward and finished his description of the heroine's body. Deciding that it was still too attractive, he added bony knees, sharp elbows, and a nose like an eagle's beak. Once he was finished, he stared at the screen for a minute and then scrolled upwards to read what he had just written. He snorted in disgust and then said, "Hard to believe that people will want to read this crap. I hate writing sex scenes. I mean, how many ways can it turn out? The hero fondles the woman just a few times and before you know it, she starts coming like winter in January. Like that is ever going to happen." James laughed and then started typing. For the next five pages, he described the most humiliating sexual encounter he could imagine. Heads bumped, hair got pulled, and lips missed when they went to kiss. The insertion of one body part into another didn't go well; she was dry and he never got fully inserted into her before coming. The heroine didn't come and the hero felt like hell when he had finished. It ended with him snoring while she was staring at the ceiling wondering about the future of their relationship. Sitting back after his most productive writing experience of this novel, he laughed and said, "I should probably take that out. No, I'm going to leave it in. I can't do that; it'll ruin the rest of the story. Ah, what the hell; it is my story and I can write it however I want it." Having come to that important decision, he stared at the computer screen for a full minute. He scratched the back of his head for a time and then said, "I wonder what I should write now." That James would find himself in the position where he had no idea what to write next was not unusual. He had a writing style that drove his publisher crazy. Rather than being a structured writer who had detailed outlines of his stories, James had an outline that consisted of a single descriptive sentence for each chapter. He allowed each character to develop and then act in a manner consistent with that character. Sometimes he really surprised himself with the direction his stories took. When he had mentioned the surprise he felt to his publisher, the man had immediately reached for a bottle of pills. After rummaging through the small stack of papers on his desk, James found the outline he had submitted to his publisher and read it. He checked off the current chapter and read the sentence for the next chapter aloud, "The hero goes off to take care of his business before it is taken over by the villain." He sat there staring at the sheet of paper trying to remember what he had told his publisher. For a minute he couldn't remember what kind of business Dr. Dud owned in his previous stories. Shaking his head, he said, "That sounds dull as hell. I wonder what I was thinking when I wrote that down. I remember now; he owns a chain of coin operated Laundromats. What did I call it? Hmmm, Dud's Suds." He sat there for a minute thinking about the story and said, "You know that you are dealing with a real evil villain if he wants to take over a Laundromat chain." "I suppose I could have the villain own a laundry detergent company and wants to single source his low quality detergents in Laundromats," he said. That wasn't even worth a snide snort much less a chuckle. He was quiet for a second and then snorted. Sarcasm rolling off of his tongue, he said, "Right!" He said, "I guess I'll have to change his business. What kind of business should it be? I know! I'll have him own a male model agency called Dud's Studs for this book. The evil villain is in love with one of the models and wants the agency so that he can blackmail the worst male model of the year into being his love slave." If his publisher had been present, then that last statement would have had him reaching for his valium. That was part of the reason why James liked writing well away from civilization and, most importantly, a telephone. His publisher would have been calling him everyday trying to get more information about the novel. James didn't like having to tell the poor man that he had no idea how the story was going. He didn't feel right contributing to the man's pending drug addiction. Of course, reading about the Dud's Studs business would have him reaching for the pills. Outside the small cabin, eight Quatyl were busy debating what they should do next. It seemed obvious to them that the occupant represented the dominate species on the planet. It is highly likely that they would have been very disappointed if they had first encountered a chicken coup. The structure gave them hope. If they could control the occupant, then they would be safe. After a short discussion using the last Slathern alive, they turned their attention to the occupant. They could sense the single individual inside the cabin, but their attempts to influence it to leave the cabin were failing. It wasn't a good sign. To say that the Quatyl were feeling very despondent would be an understatement. On the verge of dying from starvation and exposure, the eight of them were desperate. None of the plants they had encountered were fragile enough to be eaten. Eating the plants was like chewing sandpaper. Outside of the few rodents they had helping them, they were practically defenseless. Even worse, the last Slathern was about to die and none of them had a clue how to save it. They knew that soon they wouldn't even be able to discuss their situation. Atac came to a decision and used the last gasp of the Slathern to say, 'I'll go in and see what happens. If the fluffy tailed ones try to pull you away, then you'll know it is not safe.' His mate, Atar, wanted to go into the cabin with him, but held back. The time for argument was over and he was the commander of the mission. She nuzzled him and watched with sad eyes as he turned to head towards the door of the cabin. For all she knew, he was headed off to his death. The sound of the screen door rattling attracted James' attention. Looking over in the direction of the sound, he saw a cat-sized animal trying to get through the door. Turning in his chair, he watched the animal struggle with the door. Having a wild animal loose in the cabin might be entertaining, but could end in disaster. After debating the pros and cons of being chased around the inside of the house by a wild animal, he decided to scare it off. In a loud voice, he shouted, "Get out of here!" The animal didn't flee. Surprised by the unusual behavior, he leaned forward and looked at it a little more closely. Of course, closing the distance from sixteen feet to fourteen feet didn't reveal any additional features of the animal. He didn't recognize the species. His surprise turned to curiosity. Not expecting an answer, he asked, "What kind of critter are you?" The animal couldn't answer, but just continued to struggle to get through the door. James laughed at the desperate antics of the animal. He asked, "Could you use a little help with the door?" He rose from his chair and went over to the door. Once there, he bent down to examine the animal. The screen door tended to blur its features, but he could tell that it wasn't a cat or a dog. Hoping it wasn't a baby badger or something equally nasty, he decided that a quick wild animal chase around the house would be a good break from writing. He hoped that he would end up being the one doing the chasing and not vice versa. With a small push of his hand, the screen door swung open and the animal moved into the cabin. It fell at his feet. Looking down at the animal, he took in the small size, the otter- like body, and face that reminded him of a baby seal. He said, "I've got no idea what you are, but you are definitely the cutest little critter I've ever seen. You're cuter than a kitten. If I recall my cuteness scale correctly, that's pretty high up there." The animal just stayed at his feet looking up at him with the most miserable expression on its face that James had ever seen. Scratching the back of his head, James had no idea what to do. Although he wasn't afraid that it would attack him, he wasn't going to bend down to pick it up. It definitely looked like it wouldn't enjoy a wild animal chase through the house. The poor little animal looked hungry and exhausted. He knew that if he fed it, that it would probably never leave. After studying it for a minute, he decided that having it hang around the cabin wouldn't be all that bad. He asked, "Would you like something to eat?" It didn't answer. Of course, he hadn't expected it to answer. He went over to the refrigerator and removed some lettuce and a slice of bacon. He didn't know if it was an herbivore, carnivore, or omnivore and figured the choice would be a reasonable test. He put the food down in front of the animal and watched it. The animal crawled over to the lettuce and sniffed it. It chewed a little on it, but found that it was too tough to chew. James watched the animal test the lettuce and said, "Well, it seems like you eat vegetables, but don't like lettuce. Let me see what else I've got." James returned to the refrigerator and looked through the motley assortment of items in it. Like the refrigerator of most men, his was rather bare in terms of vegetables. Reaching in, he said, "Let's try some watermelon." The animal gingerly tasted the watermelon. The watermelon was wet, it was cold, and it was easy to eat. It was the best thing the animal had ever tasted. The animal tore into the watermelon with a vengeance. Unable to control itself, the animal's rear end danced while it ate the melon. James laughed at the antics of the little animal and said, "You really like that. I'll get you some more." He went over to the refrigerator to cut off a large slice of the watermelon. It took him a minute to prepare. He put the melon on a plate thinking that it wouldn't be good to get the entire floor sticky. The small piece of melon was gone by the time he returned to the animal. He put the plate with melon down in front of the animal and then stepped back to watch it eat. There was another noise at the screen door. He turned to look and saw that a squirrel had climbed up on the screen and was watching the scene. For some reason that had been lost to him, James couldn't stand squirrels. He didn't remember getting bitten by a squirrel when he was a little lad of three. Frowning, he said, "Damn squirrel! I'm not feeding you. You're nothing but a rat with a fluffy tail!" The squirrel climbed off the screen and disappeared. Shaking his head, James went back to his computer to write some more. He figured the animal would either leave or stay. There was no sense in standing over it and he was under a deadline for the novel. He had one week to finish the manuscript and that was going to require him to work fulltime. ------- Confused by the actions of the beast, the Quatyl watched the huge biped return to the desk. Atac couldn't believe that it had fed him even though his attempts to control the beast had no effect on it. The beast looked large, clumsy, and dangerous despite the fact that it didn't have fangs. Atac looked at the plate of watermelon and then back towards the screen door. The other seven Quatyl had gathered at the screen door to see what was happening. Trying to decide what to do, Atac looked at the beast, the other seven Quatyl, and the watermelon. Making what had to be the most difficult decision of his life, he went over to the screen door and leaned against it. For all he knew, he was leading them to their death. The door opened enough to admit the other seven Quatyl. They entered the room and made their way to the watermelon. It was thirty minutes later that James looked away from his computer and over at the front door. Rather than finding one animal, he found eight of them; each curled into a little ball of fur and sound asleep. He walked over and looked down at them. Chuckling, he said, "So you brought the whole family. Well, I can't blame you. That is some good watermelon." Atac woke from his nap unable to even guess how long he had been asleep. He looked around at his fellow explorers discovering that all of them were still asleep. The fact that all of them were asleep at the same time spoke of an exhaustion that had been unheard of among Quatyl in thousands of years. A key characteristic of the Quatyl was that they were extremely shy and risk adverse. The fact that they all had fallen asleep at the same time meant that their physical condition had been close to collapse. It was about that time when Atac noticed that the plate that had held the food was missing. It was obvious that the huge beast had been walking around and he had not noticed. He couldn't believe that he and the other Quatyl had slept through such a threatening activity. He felt ashamed that he had brought his fellow Quatyl to such dire straights. Atac knew that their ordeal wasn't over yet. There was still the matter concerning the huge bipedal beast that had fed him. It had fed them, but it wasn't a result of making it feed them. He had no control over the beast and the idea truly terrified him. He looked over at his mate and wondered how she was handling this situation. The huge beast approached and made some noises. Atac wished that he could understand the sounds, but it was just noise to him. He watched the beast moving around afraid to move and provoke an attack. The Quatyl woke one at a time; each turning to stare at the huge biped that was moving around the room. It amazed them that the beast was ignoring them. This was so far from the reality that they understood that each Quatyl wondered if this entire situation was nothing more than some sort of weird hallucination. To fully appreciate the state of mind the Quatyl were in, it is important to understand the situation from their perspective. Without Slatherns to provide a means to vocalize on their behalf, they were unable to communicate with each other. There was no way for them to share their observations or to make any plans. They were exposed far more than any Quatyl had been in years. Even the furniture in the room didn't provide sufficient cover in which they could hide. They were unable to control a huge beast for the first time in memory. It was amazing that none of them had suffered a nervous breakdown. James finally became aware that his visitors were awake when he turned and found eight pairs of eyes all watching him. He knelt down and said, "Hello, little ones. I sure wish I knew what kind of critter you are." None of the Quatyl demonstrated any kind of physical reaction to him. He sighed and said, "I'm about to cook supper. I've got a little more watermelon, but I think you might want to try the applesauce. What do you think?" The terrified Quatyl just continued to watch him. Although it was not really in their nature, each of them was ready to flee. He walked across the room and noticed the eight pairs of eyes track his every movement. He took a few steps forward and then a few steps backwards while their heads turned to watch him. Playing a little, he took a half step forward and a half step backward swinging his arms. That was so much fun he repeated it a dozen times. He chuckled when two of the animals looked at each other. He stopped and said, "While I might be an extremely handsome example of a man, I'm not so handsome that it is impossible for you to take your eyes off of me. I know that I'm not so ugly that you need to watch me." He paused to examine them while trying to decide what to do with them. He wondered what to do about the typical problems faced when adopting pets. He didn't have a sand box for them to use. He probably would have to put out bowls for food and water. Eating off plates was just a short term solution. Shrugging his shoulders, he went back into the kitchen to emerge three minutes later with a plastic bowl filled with water. He set it down next to the door and backed away. Atac watched the man and then slinked forward with a nervous stomach to investigate the contents of the bowl. Realizing it was water; he drank a little before pushing the bowl away from the wall. Once it was far enough away from the wall, he circled the bowl so that he could drink while facing the beast. Able to see his benefactor, he drank his fill and then backed away. One at a time, according to rank, the other Quatyl took turns drinking from the bowl. Each positioned itself to where it could watch the beast while drinking. James watched their behavior and said, "I take it you don't trust me. Well, if you are going to stay here you better get used to me. I'll try not to step on you." Atac watched the beast approach him. He tried to run, but his feet slipped on the hardwood floor. Before he could recover, the beast had knelt beside and touched his back. Atac, terrified out of his mind, was unable to move and nearly lost consciousness. Despite putting his full energy into controlling the beast, the beast didn't stop reaching for him. He felt his bladder let loose. The beast made some sort of noise, but he couldn't understand it. James could see that the animal was nervous, but didn't realize just how scared it was. He ran a hand down the back of the animal amazed at the softness of the fur. While petting it, he said, "Calm down little fellow. I'm not going to hurt you. That's not all that bad is it? Yeah, that feels good doesn't it? That's it, just calm down. You've got the softest fur I've ever felt." Atac couldn't believe the sensations invoked by the hand stroking his back. The most surprising thing was that the hand didn't restrict him from moving. It wasn't a grasp intended to immobilize or kill. The touch was tantalizingly soft; just hard enough to be felt, but not enough to be uncomfortable. If his fear level hadn't been so high, he would have found it a very pleasant experience. "Puppies piss on the floor when you pet them. I guess you're just like a little puppy," James said upon seeing the puddle of dark orange urine. James shook his head and rose from the floor with a creak from his knees. He walked into the kitchen and got a handful of paper towels. Returning to the living room, he cleaned up the puddle. While wiping up the liquid, he said, "I guess you were a little more scared than I thought." Atac was surprised at the behavior of the beast. He couldn't imagine an animal that size was capable of such tenderness. He had expected the touch to smash him into the floor. The weird thing was that almost as soon as the beast stopped stroking his back, he missed it. He wished that he could understand the sounds the beast was making, but he wasn't the linguist of the group. That was Star's specialty and even if Star understood what the Beast was saying it wouldn't do any good. Star couldn't communicate to him. James rose and returned to the kitchen to throw the soiled paper towels into the trash can. He turned and noticed that the animal had followed him into the kitchen. Smiling, he said, "Well, it's about time you started to explore the house a little. I was beginning to wonder about you." Atac watched the beast move around the kitchen. Occasionally the beast would stop what it was doing and make noise in his general direction. It was almost impossible to make sense out of what the beast was doing, but he finally realized that the beast was preparing a meal. He swallowed heavily hoping that the beast wasn't getting ready to eat him. The other seven Quatyl joined him at the door to the kitchen. They hung back in a row behind Atac. James noticed the group watching him and asked, "Are you little critters hungry?" He watched them watching him for a few seconds. They looked young, but didn't act like it. Young animals moved all of the time. These animals seemed frozen in place. If they were young, then they were the most lethargic group of young animals that he had ever seen. Frowning, he went over to the counter and put some apple sauce into a bowl. He put the bowl down on the floor in front of the eight animals and stepped back to watch their reaction to it. The aggressive one moved forward and smelled the contents. It took a taste and decided that it really liked it. James laughed when it started doing its little dance and said, "Looks to me like you like applesauce." Atac backed off and let the others taste the delicacy. He stared at the beast unable to believe the wonderful foods that it had provided them. The beast prepared a plate and set it on the table. Atac, doing something that was very uncharacteristic of a Quatyl, turned his back on the beast and returned to the living room. He curled into a tight ball of fur and went to sleep. When James finished eating his dinner, he washed his dishes. He kept sneaking glances at the Quatyl. First the adventurous one disappeared and then later another Quatyl left. He didn't notice when the next four left, but he did catch the last two leaving together. They had backed away from him. Shaking his head, he said, "They sure don't act like your standard critters. I wish I had some book that described the local wildlife because I've got no idea what they are." When he entered the living room, James looked around trying to locate the animals. There were four bundles of fur under separate chairs. It took him a minute to realize that each bundle of fur was actually a pair of the animals. He scratched the back of his head and said, "They sure are cute all curled up like that. They're easy enough to take care of. All they do is eat and sleep." Disappointed that there wasn't going to be a wild animal chase around the house, James knew that he had no excuses to avoid working. Sitting in front of the computer, he read over the material he had written that day. There were a few places where the language was a little rough and he fixed a sentence here and there. Overall, he was pleased with what he had written. Having reached the end of his material, he sat back and said, "Now a little drama. Let's see... according to my outline the hero's girlfriend is supposed to get robbed at this point with the hero showing up too late to do anything. What in the hell was I thinking? Oh, I remember. The robbery was supposed be motivated by the villain. Well, he can't go to Robbers Are Us to rent a robber so he's going to have to find someone to do it for him. Let me see, what kind of robber do I want? Drug addict? No, that's been done too many times. Hmmm, how about a racially motivated robber? No, that's politically incorrect." He stared off into space for a few minutes and then said, "How about a teenager doing it on a dare? That's not a bad idea. You don't see that too often in stories. He doesn't even have to belong to a gang. I'll make him real polite, almost to the point of begging her for her money rather than demanding that she give it to him." Having decided on a character for the robber, James started writing. He wished that he could write hard hitting literature, but knew that his market didn't expect, or even want, hard hitting work from him. He sighed and put in a couple of cliché lines. His audience would like that. He read a passage aloud, "'Your money or your life, Ma'am, ' the young thug said in a polite voice. On seeing her reaction, he said, 'Okay, I won't really kill you, but I will hurt you, Ma'am.' When she started to cry, he said, 'Ma'am, I won't really hurt you. I'll just say some really really nasty and hurtful things.'" After putting in a couple of hours of work, he finished the chapter. All in all, it was a very productive day of writing. It was late and he was tired. He stood and stretched letting out a small roar in the process. He closed the front door and locked it before wandering off to bed. He didn't notice that his passage was watched by eight pairs of terrified eyes waked by his roar. The fact was that he had forgotten about his little visitors. He undressed and went to bed. Within ten minutes he was snoring lightly totally unaware of the world around him. The Quatyl, scared by the noises he was emitting, slowly circled the bed unable to climb up into it. Their little paws did not have claws that they could use to climb. From bedside, they tried to control the beast while it was sleeping. They had no better results than achieved in any of their previous attempts to control him. Although James probably wouldn't appreciate the suggestion, it was likely that humans were just too thick headed to be controlled by the Quatyl. Biologically, the Quatyl were hardwired to remain on a sleep cycle associated with the chronon. That meant their day was about twelve hours long rather than twenty four. They typically slept six hours of a chronon. Of course, this little adventure had upset their sleep cycle significantly. They had basically slept an entire chronon with less than two hours spent awake and they were still exhausted. With the beast asleep, it was obvious they weren't going to get fed. Looking at each other, they waddled back to the places where they had been sleeping. Curling together, all but one of them went to sleep. Atac was unable to sleep. He was responsible for the lives of the crew and he was feeling the full weight of it. Guilt forced him to admit that he was staking the welfare of his group on the whims of a beast that he couldn't control. The problem was that he didn't know what to do about the current situation. It had been thousands of generations since a Quatyl had encountered a species that it couldn't control. He looked in the direction of the bedroom and then back to his crew. Hoping that an answer was going to be coming soon, he laid his head down beside his mate and tried to sleep. Sleep was a long time in coming. Thus it was that the most feared space faring species met what would become known as the most dangerous space faring species. It was a meeting that would have long term consequences on the order of the universe. ------- Chapter 3 Bright and early the next morning, James woke and rose from bed wearing his boxers. He scratched his stomach and yawned. With eyes still bleary from sleep, he stumbled towards the bathroom to perform his normal morning ritual. Living alone in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, he had fallen into the habit of leaving the bathroom door open. While perched atop his porcelain throne, he heard a noise at the door. Looking over to find the source, he spotted two of the animals watching him carefully. A little irritated at having his morning dump observed, he made a little shooing gesture. When they didn't move, he said, "Come on. Give a guy a little privacy." When they didn't leave, he finished his business on the toilet. The flushing sound caused the pair to back away from the door. Looking at the pair, he said, "I hope you enjoyed the show. I'm going to take a shower now. You'll probably want to run because I like to sing while I wash. I've been told that my voice is a lot like chalk on a blackboard." The pair watched him take his shower fascinated by the fact that he emitted noise while washing himself. They thought it was funny that he stood under water to wash rather than to lick his fur, but he wasn't the only species they knew that cleaned that way. Atac was still confused why the beast would make noises when there was no one around who could understand it. There weren't many species that did that. James stepped out of the shower and grabbed his towel. Drying himself off, he looked over at the pair of Quatyl. He asked, "Do you want to take a shower?" When they didn't move, he returned to drying off. After hanging up his towel, he knelt down and asked, "Did you like my singing?" Atar had backed away a little when James had approached. She still didn't trust the beast. His behavior was totally inconsistent with anything she had ever studied. Never had they found a species that was capable of space flight that didn't do what they wanted. This whole situation was just too dangerous. Noticing the one animal back away, James laughed and said, "I guess you didn't like it. At least you aren't begging me for autographs." He reached down and picked up his underwear from the bathroom floor. He said, "I'm going to have to start giving you names. I'm going to call you Scout." Turning to the one that had backed away, he said, "You're Cubby because you act more like a cub scout. Brave enough, but young and inexperienced. I'll have to figure out names for the rest of you later." He stepped over Scout to leave the bathroom. Atar took off like a shot thinking that he was trying to step on her. James chuckled and said, "Whoa, little Cubby. I didn't mean to scare you." It was too late. Atar ran to the chair under which she had been sleeping and watched the beast with terrified eyes. She decided that she wasn't going to trust him ever again. He was too big and unpredictable. She watched her mate, Atac, follow the beast unable to understand why he was acting that way. Atac wasn't acting like a Quatyl. James stepped into the living room and noticed six of the Quatyl lined up at the front door. Deciding that they wanted to leave, he went over to the door intending to give them their freedom. His approach caused the animals to back away. He opened the door and looked through the screen door. He gestured to the outside and said, "I take it you want to go outside." Scout and Cubby raced over to the door and the eight animals took a small step forward. Nodding his head, he said, "Well, it's been nice having you visit." With the door open, he pushed against the screen door to allow them to leave. Two of the eight raced out of the house like a shot. The other four were close behind. He was about to close the door when the last two Quatyl headed through the door. James paused at door feeling sad that they were leaving. He watched the animals through the screen door for a minute. Based on the common positions that each took; he realized that they had rushed out of the house to relieve themselves. Feeling a little embarrassed that he hadn't taken care of getting a litter box, he said, "I'm sorry. I should have taken care of that last night. I'll fix up a litter box for you after breakfast." He went back to the kitchen and started cooking some bacon. He looked around in the refrigerator wondering if they were going to come back to eat. He moved things around in the refrigerator trying to decide what he could feed the animals if they stayed. There was still some left over apple sauce, a quarter of the watermelon, and some peaches. They were really rather small animals and didn't seem to eat much. He went back to the stove and checked on the bacon. The one side was cooked already so he turned the individual slices. Once that was done, he looked out his kitchen door to the front door wondering if they were going to return. Eight pairs of eyes were lined up and looking in the house. "I guess you aren't leaving," he said while going over to the screen door. He opened it. The eight animals ran into the house and stopped about six feet away from him. Once again, all eyes were focused on him. Shaking his head at their unusual behavior, James asked, "What do you find so interesting about me? You haven't even looked around the house yet." None of the Quatyl looked away for even a fraction of a second. Remembering that he had bacon cooking in the kitchen, he returned to take care of his breakfast. The eight animals scrambled out of his way before following him into the room. They lined up at the doorway to the kitchen and watched him move around. They were trying to make sense of his actions. Being herbivores, the idea of cooking food was very foreign to them. Most of the omnivore species didn't cook their food, so this was a very bizarre behavior. James pulled out a couple of bowls and filled them with apple sauce. He cut up a slice of watermelon and a small peach into small chunks. Those he put on a plate. They watched him until he put the food on the floor. The Quatyl went to a bowl as couples and ate some of the apple sauce, saving the much desired watermelon for later. In an attempt to protect his crew, Atac felt it was his duty to try any new foods. He went over to the plate and tried one of the peach chunks. It was juicy and sweet, but it was too tough for him to chew. It was a shame because he liked the flavor. The others noticed his reaction and left the peach chunks alone. When James noticed that the watermelon had been untouched he went over to pick up the plate. Atac summoned his courage and moved to intervene. When Atac stepped between him and the plate, the beast stopped and looked at the little animal. Grinning, James said, "I guess that you want to save it for later. Okay by me." Returning to the stove, he flipped his eggs so that they would be cooked over easy. Getting down a plate, he loaded it with his bacon and eggs. The toaster popped up a slice of toast. Grabbing it, he tossed it onto the plate. Carrying his breakfast to the table, he sat down and started to eat. He glanced over at the animals and saw that they were still working on the applesauce. Breakfast passed without incident. He picked up the empty bowls and washed the dishes. The animals watched his every move. In a way, their constant attention was starting to spook him. Once the kitchen was clean, he decided that it was time to take care of fixing a litter box. He spent the next twenty minutes looking around the cabin for something that would be appropriate, but found nothing. He wondered if there would be anything in the shed outside that he could use. He was renting the cabin as a place in which to work on his book undisturbed and hadn't made an effort to become familiar with the contents. Stepping outside, he was surprised when all eight of the animals followed him through the door. Looking down at them, he said, "I guess I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to be stuck in the house all day, either." In the shack, he found a box half filled with old bottles. After removing the bottles, he decided that the box was big enough for his purposes. Grabbing one of the shovels out of the shed, he filled the box a quarter full with dirt. He carried it to the screened in back porch and set it in a corner that was out of the way. The eight animals followed him and watched everything that he did. They were very surprised when he left. Rather than following him, they went to examine the box wondering what purpose he had in mind for it. Only a few minutes passed before he returned with the spade. Balanced carefully on the blade was a little piece of their waste. When James dumped the waste into the box, all eight of the Quatyl realized what he had done in filling the box with dirt. Atac looked at it feeling embarrassed. Squatting over dirt was an act of desperation. The Quatyl had invented their own version of the toilet, but without anyone to make one for them they were reduced to leaving their waste like animals. It was humiliating. Leaving the Quatyl by the litter box, James went into the living room to work on his book. Sitting down at his computer he reviewed what he had written the previous day. He chuckled when he got to the great disastrous love scene. Grinning, he said, "The publisher is going to want me to change that." Finished with his review, he went to the outline and read the description of the next chapter aloud. "Villain steals heroine and holds her hostage to get the hero to sign over the business." He glanced over at the floor and found all eight Quatyl staring up at him. He said, "People will actually pay to read this garbage. Amazing, isn't it?" Turning back to the computer, he said, "Let's see. I could have the villain tie the woman to a railroad tracks. No, I can't do that. Villains stopped tying women to railroad tracks back in the 1930s. How about having her cut in half in a saw mill? That's too old fashioned. How about tying her to a table and letting a laser cut her in half? I can't do that. Everyone would accuse me of stealing from James Bond." He stared at the computer screen for a minute. This wasn't going well. Finally, he said, "I could have him tie cell phones to her head and let her get brain cancer. That's stupid. I know -- I'll have him place a vial of some horrible virus in the room with her with a mechanism to break the vial. Where in the hell would he get a vial of viruses?" Turning to the Quatyl, he said, "You know, it is pretty tough figuring out some suspenseful way of killing someone today." One of the animals backed up looking worried. He said, "I agree with you on that. Killing people isn't good. Don't forget, I have to figure some way for the hero to save her, too." "I know. He'll program a robot to take her apart," James said. He started to move to the keyboard and stopped. Sitting back, he said, "If he could do that, he'd be able to start up his own business. Ah, hell... I'll just have him hold a gun to her head. Boring! I know, I'll have him threaten to give her to a sociopath to torture and then kill her." He went to work writing the chapter. The day passed without much action. James worked on his book. The eight animals watched him or slept. When James wasn't working, he cooked and ate his meals, taking a moment to put out a little of the watermelon and applesauce for the animals. Occasionally, the animals would slip off and eat some of the food left there for them. After dinner he went over to his chair to work on his novel. In what had become an impossible habit to break, he talked to his computer while writing. It was time to write about the interview with the cops about the abduction of the girlfriend. He laughed and said, "I think I'll make it a Mutt and Jeff pair. I'll make the one cop five foot nothing and the other one six foot seven." Rubbing his hands together in glee, he said, "I'll make the tall cop a woman. I'll have the short cop be gay and hit on the hero. The editor will make me change it, but I bet he has an erection by the time he finishes reading it." He typed his idea out in rough form intending to go back and add those little details that would make it live. He was almost done when there was a nudge to his ankle. He looked down and noticed that Scout was nudging his ankle. Surprised, he said, "Hello, Scout. How are you doing, little fellow?" James reached down to pet the animal. Starting at the top of its head, he ran his hand down the length of its entire body. Once again he was amazed at how soft its fur was. He was shocked when it started to purr with a low satisfied rumble. He smiled and said, "You like that. Yes, you do." The other Quatyl gathered across the room and stared at the purring Quatyl. The purr was very seldom heard except between mates. Atar was furious and the other Quatyl moved away from her. James was oblivious to the tension among the little animals. He just thought they were the cutest things he'd ever seen. When he went to bed that night, James knew that he was going to have to take a little better care of the animals. Thinking that they might want to eat, he left a little watermelon out for the animals. He had decided that they weren't the kind of animal that ate one large meal a day, but tended to graze. The Quatyl watched him leave out the food with more than a little relief. For them, going the entire night without eating was a lot like having to go without food every other day. Recalling the exodus out to the yard that morning, he also left the back door open so that they could visit the litter box that he had made for them. The screened in porch would prevent any stray animals and insects from entering the house. If something more dangerous than a stray animal wanted in, he knew that the door wouldn't slow them down. Bandits didn't allow minor things like a closed door stop them. The Quatyl had followed him to the back door. He looked over at them and said, "I'm going to leave the door open so that you can do your business during the night. I hope you can see in the dark because I'm not going to leave the light on." That night there were five rather than four little balls of sleeping animals. Still angry at her mate, Atar refused to curl up with Atac. Every time that Atac tried to move next to her, she would get up and move away. He knew that she was not going to forgive him for purring. Even he was shocked by his reaction to getting petted. He had spent most of the afternoon trying to figure out why he had purred. Atar was restless. Unused to sleeping alone, she tossed and turned. The danger they were in only fueled her unease. It wasn't enough to drive her to find comfort by curling up with Atac. She was furious with him and it didn't matter to her if she had to suffer a bad night to punish him. In the middle of the night, Atar rose and went to the litter box. While there, she sensed a small mouse moving around inside the screened in area. Her mind immediately controlled the animal and, much to her delight, she discovered that she could control the vocal cords to a level that would allow a very primitive form of communication. Excited, she returned to the living room with the mouse running behind her. She bowled into the curled balls of fur waking them. The mouse was making high pitched squeaks in short staccato bursts similar to Morse code. The others immediately picked up that they had restored communications. Stating the obvious, Atar controlled the mouse to say, 'We can talk now.' Star had figured out more of the language used by the beast while they had been approaching the planet than she had thought. So far about every third word the beast used was one that she had thought she had figured out when studying a number of the radio signals. She had been confused when all of the words she understood failed to be used on many other channels. She took over the mouse and said, 'I'm beginning to understand the beast when it talks.' 'Really, ' asked Stac. He had been struggling to make out the sounds, but his talent at linguistics was nowhere as good as his mate's abilities. He was able to make out some terms, but there was a lot that he wasn't able to understand. 'What has the beast been saying?' Atac asked approaching Atar. 'Get away from me, ' Atar said to Atac still furious that he purred when the beast touched him. Atac moved a short distance away with a hurt look on his face. She turned her back to him and faced Star. Star thought that much of what the beast was saying was strange. She couldn't understand why the beast kept talking to the box on the desk and had begun to hypothesize that the box might actually be a communications device to its mate. Star answered, 'As far as I can tell, the beast is making non-sense statements at the box on his desk. Some of them are very strange. When it talks to us, it makes comments about our size, our fur, and our appearance.' Atac asked, 'Are they mean comments?' 'What do you care?' Atar asked. It was a shame that the mouse wouldn't support the subtle tones required to convey her contempt. Ignoring the spat between the couple, Star answered, 'He calls you something that means Adventurer and Atar something else, but I don't know what it means.' 'What does he call the rest of us?' Ceac asked wondering what it meant if the beast gave them a name. 'As far as I can tell, Atac and Atar are the only ones of us the beast has named, ' Star answered. Star didn't want to mention that she thought Atar's name meant fatty. Stac noticed that the mouse's voice was beginning to fail. He said, 'We can't talk much longer. Do you think we are safe here?' Without missing a beat, Ceac answered, 'No.' Thinking of the nightmare since the crash of the ship, Cear answered, 'No, but I think we are safer here than out there.' Leac, his fur still showing the effects of his injury during the crash, said, 'I agree with Cear.' 'This is a horrible planet, ' Lear said. She added, 'We won't be safe until we are a long way from here.' 'You can say that again, ' Stac said. He was having nightmares from the events after the crash. While he didn't feel safe, at least none of them had died in the last two days. The mouse's voice, driven beyond what it was intended, was about gone. If the mouse had been allowed to move, it would have fled from the room. Atac said, 'I think that we are safe with the beast.' Still furious that he had purred when the beast had touched him, Atar whipped around and said, 'That's right. You're making love noises to the beast!' The other six Quatyl shifted uneasily. Fights between Quatyl were always verbal and they could say the meanest things to each other. None of them wanted to be there to hear the accusations that were sure to be exchanged. Atac said, 'Don't be stupid." They all backed away when Atar released the growl that indicated extreme anger. Much to their surprise, Atac didn't react to his mate's anger. Instead, he said, 'I have a plan to assure our safety with the beast.' 'What?' Atar asked surprised to hear that he had a plan. She couldn't imagine a plan that included him making love noises to a beast. The others gathered closer to the mouse to hear what he had to say. The voice was about gone on the mouse, but they all knew what he was going to say would be important. 'I'm training it to be a pet, ' Atac answered. It was a shame that the mouse wasn't a good enough communication channel to convey the smugness that he felt. The mouse's voice chose that moment to fail. They released control over it and it fled from the house. Thus it was that the most feared space faring race turned the most dangerous space faring race into a pet or was it the other way around? The answer to that question depended on who was asked the question. ------- Chapter 4 Atac had decided that having a pet was a lot more work than he had originally thought. Although he was the first Quatyl in all of history to have a pet, the Quatyl were not unfamiliar with the concept. Other space faring races had pets. Up until the Quatyl had run into humans, it was impossible for them to have pets. Being able to control an animal prevented it from being a pet. A factor that complicated taming the beast was that it kept different hours than the Quatyl. That was nothing compared to the fact that he wouldn't be able to train it to do tricks until he figured out some way to communicate with it. For the moment, the beast would pick him up and pet him whenever he rubbed against its leg. That was a start, but he couldn't figure out how to take the training further. At least Atar had forgiven him for making the love noises. The other thing that made taming the beast difficult was its energy. It seemed to move around almost the entire time it was awake. It seemed that the beast kept moving from the kitchen to the desk to the bathroom and back to the desk. Sometimes the beast went outside. It was a strange pattern of habits that Atac couldn't figure out. All of the movement was taking its toll. Atac was exhausted from trying to follow his pet around. On some of the trips outside, the Quatyl would find a mouse. They would keep it under control until after the beast went to bed. In the dark house, they would gather around the mouse and exchange information. After the first night, they took their time talking as a way to extend the amount of time the mouse would last before losing its voice. This particular evening, Star was particularly upset. She said, 'He said that he's leaving here tomorrow.' The others had begun to learn the language being used by the beast, but the extent of their knowledge concerned food, water, and rest. Atac asked, 'What does that mean?" 'He said that he was leaving here for good tomorrow morning, ' Star answered. 'What about us?' Atar asked getting worried. Without the beast to feed them, they would be in serious trouble. 'He wished that he could take us with him, but didn't think that was possible, ' Star answered. All of the Quatyl sat around the mouse lost in thought. The mouse wasn't all that pleased at being the center of attention, but that is another story best told from the mouse's perspective. The Quatyl knew they were facing a major crisis. After an hour had gone by, Atac said, 'We must go with him.' The others agreed with his decision by not objecting. Now the problem was convincing his pet to take them. Without coming to a solution, the meeting broke up and they released the mouse. The Quatyl curled up in pairs to sleep the rest of the night. Atac spent the next few hours trying to think of some solution that would force the beast to take them along with him. James stood at the door of the cabin. The trash had been carried out to the trash pile. The suitcases were packed with his clothes and stacked by the front door. The laptop was in a carrying case on the desk. The external monitor and keyboard were on the desk where they would remain. James didn't want to carry a monitor around in the back of his plane and was leaving it there for the next occupant of the cabin to decide what to do with it. He figured that the next occupant would take them into town and sell them. In short, since everything was packed, stored, or thrown away, he was ready to leave. It took James ten minutes to load everything into his rental car. The only reason it took that long was the delay created by the need to keep the screen door from hitting the animals each time he went in and out of the house. They followed him every step, keeping him in sight the entire time. Slamming the trunk shut, he went around to the driver's side door. He paused and looked down at the eight fuzzy faces that were looking up at him. He sighed and asked, "What am I supposed to do with you?" The Quatyl did not reply. They were incapable of answering, but they had learned enough of the language to know what was asked. As a result of James' idle comments to the Quatyl, Atac had decided that he was just going to follow James everywhere he went and not allow any obstacles to get in his way. Of course, James knew nothing about this decision; he had slept through the whole discussion and wouldn't have recognized it for what it was even if he had been awake. "I'd take you with me, but I'm worried about getting arrested for smuggling a rare or endangered species," James said shaking his head. He opened the car door and was surprised when Scout frantically tried to climb into it. Frowning, he asked, "You want to come with me?" Frustrated, Atac struggled to get inside the car. The height was just too much for him and it didn't seem to him that the beast understood that they wanted to go with him. After the experiences in the swamp and on the journey to the cabin, the Quatyl knew that they couldn't survive on their own. This planet was just too dangerous for them. James bent down and lifted the little animal into the car. Scout scampered over to the far end and turned to watch him. Thinking that Scout was the only one that wanted to go, James was surprised when another of the animals was at the door trying to climb into the car. One by one, he lifted them into the car. He was surprised since this was the first time that seven of the eight animals had ever let him touch them. Upon getting into the car, each Quatyl moved across the seat in order to make room for the next Quatyl. The last to get into the car was Leac, the Quatyl that had been injured in the crash. James noticed the small patch of disturbed fur and said, "Oh my; that must have hurt." Leac trembled slightly and then cleared space for the beast. He wasn't sure what the beast had said, but it didn't sound too threatening. Of course, he was the most risk adverse of the Quatyl after his injuries. The beast settled down right next to him. Leac looked over at his mate wishing that he could ask to be moved further from the beast. It was time to head for the airport. James started the car and pulled away from the rental cabin knowing that he would return when it was time to work on his next book. While driving, he said, "I'm going to have to load you on the airplane with my luggage before turning in the rental car. The way you little fellows follow me around just might be a problem." James made his way to the local airport where his airplane was parked. The distance wasn't that far, but it took time to make the trip. The dirt roads were rough and the poor little animals struggled to stay on the seat. He glanced over at them thinking that it would have been better for them to be on the floor, but he feared that they would soon be underfoot. He drove slowly trying to minimize the impact of the uneven surface that passed for a road. James preferred to fly his own plane over taking a commercial flight. When he flew his own plane, it was a seven hour flight to Brownsville, Texas. He would stay the night there and then fly on to Tulsa, Oklahoma the next day. Even though his travel plans took longer, he was able to avoid lines, cramped seats, and bad airline food. From his perspective, that was a net gain. Under the current circumstances, it was also the only way he was going to be able to take the cute little animals with him. He wished that he had a spare suitcase in which to carry them. He'd stop and get one, but that would be too much like smuggling. With them running around loose, he could always claim that he didn't know they were in the back of the plane if someone discovered them. Reaching the airport, he parked the car next to his airplane. He took half an hour to inspect the plane despite knowing that it had been well cared for while parked there, but James was a careful man. Once he was satisfied that all was well, he went about loading his gear into the plane. It took several trips and the animals watched him from the front seat. Atac was fully prepared to jump to the ground if he thought that the beast was going to leave them in the car. Believing that the little animals were unable to jump out of the car, James waited to take them until he had stowed the rest of his gear. He carried the animals to the plane and put them in it one at a time. Each scurried to a place where it could hide when he released it. Lear had been the first to go into the plane. Being carried by a huge untamed beast was the scariest thing Lear had ever experienced. She had immediately sought out a hiding place convinced that this entire adventure was a mistake. It wasn't until Leac had joined her that she stopped shivering although he wasn't in much better shape. Once the last animal had been put on the plane, James went over to the door and put a hundred dollar bill where it would be seen by the customs official who would come to inspect the plane. He'd made this trip for each of his books and knew that the bill would expedite the inspection. He closed the door on the plane and went to take care of the business necessary for leaving. It took thirty minutes for him to return the rented car and to file his flight plan. Once he had filed the flight plan, it was time to go through the process of getting out of the country. The border official gave him a ride to the plane and then went through the process of inspecting it to make sure that James wasn't smuggling anything out of the country. The inspection consisted of opening the door of the plane and taking the hundred dollar bill. His normally sharp eyes did not see any other money lying loose or bundles of drugs. He wasn't looking for unusual eyes watching him. Stepping back, the man put the hundred dollar bill in his pocket and, with a grin, said, "Adios." "Gracias," James said pronouncing it 'grassy ass.' He took one last look around before climbing into his plane. He went through the startup checklist and then taxied out to the runway. Five minutes later he was up in the air and winging his way to Brownsville, Texas. The eight Quatyl had not recognized the flimsy craft as an airplane. Their fear of harm would never have allowed such an unsafe form of transportation. None of them had realized that they would be flying when they had made the decision to go with James. The risk adverse Quatyl would never have gone alone with him if they had known they would end up thousands of feet in the air in such a flimsy craft. As far as they could tell, it didn't even have a single failsafe system to protect them in case of a crash. They could hardly believe that the beast would be willing to risk its life in such a craft. Once in the air, James looked over his shoulder to check out the animals. He could just make one out that was tucked away between pieces of luggage. He shrugged and said, "Well, that's one hurdle out of the way. I wonder how the US customs inspection will go. They usually send in a drug dog. A few sniffs and it'll be over." He was silent for a moment while thinking about the rest of his trip. After a minute, he slapped his forehead with the palm of his hand then said, "Oh shit. They're going to send in a drug dog." For the rest of the flight, James was just as worried as the Quatyl although it was for completely different reasons. He kept imagining what would happen when the drug dog found the animals. The dog would either let the handler know it found them or attack them. Either case was pretty bad. The Quatyl had other worries. They kept imagining the plane crashing into the ground. Each little bump in the flight just increased their tension. By the time the plane landed, all of the occupants of the airplane were emotionally worn out. James hoped that he'd have a minute or two to get himself together, but that wasn't to be the case. When James guided the plane into the customs area, a Customs Agent and Border Patrol Agent were waiting for him. He stopped the plane and waited for the prop to stop spinning. It took a few minutes to shut down all of the systems. James opened the door and stepped out with his paperwork in hand. He walked over to the Border Agent and handed his passport to the man. While he was doing that, the Customs Agent led a dog over to the plane and watched as it jumped into it. The Border Agent looked over his passport and, in a very bored voice, said, "You're good to go once you clear customs." "Thanks," James replied turning to watch the dog. A sinking feeling settled in his stomach as images of being arrested for smuggling animals flashing through his mind. Fortunately for James, the Quatyl had seen the dog coming. It was not the first time they had encountered a dog. They knew they couldn't control it enough to make it do things, but they could have it ignore them. They focused on it and it had sniffed all around them without noticing them. In a way it was good that they hadn't been able to fully control it. If the dog had sat down next to the luggage then that would have been a signal to the handler that something was the matter. After a few minutes, the dog returned to the door and jumped down. The Quatyl relaxed a little when it had left the plane, but kept up the mental compulsion to prevent it from returning. The Customs Agent said, "Looks good to me. Take the plane over to there and park it. Once you leave this hanger, you've cleared customs." Looking inside the plane, James expected to see blood everywhere. Instead he saw eight pairs of eyes staring at him. Relieved, he turned to the Customs Agent and said, "Thanks." Ten minutes later, James had taxied the plane out of the customs area. He got out, leaving behind some rather worried Quatyl, and picked up a rental car. That took more time than passing customs. Upon returning to the plane, he unloaded a suitcase from the plane containing a change of clothes under the watchful eyes of the eight animals. Once his gear had been transferred to the rental car, he carried the animals to it one at a time hoping that the customs agent didn't glance his way. He got in the car and leaned down towards the animals clustered on the seat beside him. In a soft voice, he said, "Well, that was a long trip. I'll get us to the hotel. I should probably stop and get you some food. I bet you are as hungry as I am." Driving through the busy streets of Brownsville, he said, "I'm going to have to get a box or something so that I can carry all of you in a single trip." Rather than going directly to the hotel, James stopped at a convenience store. Again, the worried Quatyl were left behind. Searching the shelves, he tried to figure out what would be good for the animals. Experience over the past week had them eating watermelon and applesauce, but he didn't think that represented a healthy diet. He purchased some baby food thinking that would be a good way of expanding their food choices. Just in case they didn't like any of them, he picked up a jar of applesauce. While paying for his purchase, he asked for a box and was told to get one out of the garbage. After collecting his change, he went out to the dumpster and found a reasonable sized box in which to carry the animals. Holding the box reminded him that he needed a litter box so he picked out a second box for the purpose. Holding the two boxes, he said, "I never thought that having a pet would be so much work." James returned to the car and slid the boxes into the backseat. On getting into the driver's seat, he looked over at the animals and said, "We'll go to the hotel now. I hope you don't mind staying there alone for a while." That he had bothered to explain what was going on had relieved the Quatyl of some very serious concerns. It looked to them like Atac's plan was working and that the beast had understood that they wanted to be with him. James had no idea how happy the Quatyl were as a result of his words. It was a short drive to the hotel. After checking in, he drove the car around to his room. He loaded the animals into the larger box and carried it along with his suitcase to the room. Once inside, he let them out of the box. They were very happy to be on solid ground again. James opened up the jars of food that he had purchased and set them on the floor. The animals quickly discovered the apple sauce. Atac tried some of the baby foods and decided that he really liked two of them. One was the pureed peas and the other was the pureed carrots. The pureed peas actually contained some nutrients that had been missing in their diets. The pureed carrots made him feel a little light headed. He backed away from the pureed carrots concerned about the effect that it had on him. There was no way for him to know that Carotene acted like a rather power tranquilizer. Cear discovered the pureed carrots and decided that she really liked them. After all of the tension of the trip, she enjoyed the relaxed light headed feeling they produced. By the time she was done, she felt dizzy and stumbled around for a few minutes. All of a sudden, she collapsed on the floor, rolled over onto her back, and went to sleep. Her mate, Ceac, was disturbed by her behavior and pushed her over on her side. After checking her over, he decided that she was just exhausted. Despite the fact that she was in plain view, he curled up around her and joined her in sleep. James came out of the bathroom and found a ball of fur in the middle of the room. It took him a minute to locate three other balls of fur under the bed. He grinned and said, "Looks like you settled in alright. I'm going out to get something to eat. Don't tear up the room while I'm gone." He put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the door and went off in search of a place to eat. He was confident that there wouldn't be any problems with the animals. After a week in the cabin, they hadn't disturbed anything and he didn't think their behavior would change now. It was an hour later when he returned to the hotel room. Just as he expected, all of the animals were still asleep. He climbed on the bed and turned on the television to pass the time. After flipping through the channels, he came to one of the cable news stations. Having been away from the news for three months, he decided that it was time to catch up on what was happening. The news stories on the television were identical to those that he had watched before going on his trip. He was about to change the channel when there was a short blurb about someone finding the remains of some strange animal that looked a lot like a centaur. The most interesting part of the story was that it was found about a mile from the cabin he had been renting. Shaking his head, he said, "That's strange. I can't believe that there was a centaur just a mile from where I was staying. I would have liked to have seen that." He looked down at the ball of fur that was in the middle of the floor and asked, "Did you know there was a centaur there?" Of course, the animals didn't answer him. He didn't expect them to answer. He flipped the channel and settled in to watch a movie on the premium channel. It was a lame movie without much of a plot, but there were naked women and that was more than sufficient to keep his attention. When the movie credits rolled past, he said, "I'm going to have to figure out how to get one of my books turned into a movie. Maybe I'll get to watch them make it. There's no maybe about it; I'd demand that I get to watch them film it. I don't have a book with lots of naked women in it. That's a problem. "I guess I'll have to write one. I think I'll call it Dr. Dud Does Debbie. Of course, it will include lots of naked women. It'll be kind of hard to incorporate them standing around in the background in usual poses, but I'll come up with something provided that I'm given the proper motivation. "I can just see it now; a bevy of Hollywood beauties comes running up to me. They are all shouting, 'Oh James, you just have to include a part in your next book for me. I'll do anything for you.' I'll laugh maniacally and then explain that authors have very active imaginations and that anything covers a lot of territory. "I'm sure that my maniacal laugh would scare half of them away. Still, I'll be happy with a half bevy of depraved Hollywood beauties. I know they'd be depraved because only the depraved ones would remain. Hmmm, what would I do with a half a bevy of beauties?" James said while scratching his chin thinking over the possibilities. Oh, there were so many possibilities to be had there. Glancing at the movie credits, he said, "I wonder how many beauties there are in a bevy. I hope it is an even number that is greater than twelve. It has to be even number. I don't think I'd have much fun with half a woman. In fact, that would be rather disgusting." It was late and he had a long flight the next day. He turned off the television and turned off the lights. It didn't take him long to fall asleep dreaming of a half bevy of depraved Hollywood beauties performing natural and unnatural acts upon his body. In the middle of the night, the Quatyl woke and sought out a mouse but were unable to find one. Disappointed, they spent a boring four hours listening to the soft snores of the sleeping beast. The next day was a repeat of the previous day without the hassles of dealing with officials. In short, the day was spent with a trip to the airport, returning the rental car, flying to Tulsa, getting a rental car, and then driving home. It was tired group that arrived at his house. The animals went to sleep after eating some watermelon. James went to sleep after eating dinner at a local restaurant. With the different sleep cycles, the Quatyl woke in the middle of the night. With the beast asleep and being in a new place, they decided to explore the house. There was a different feel in how James had acted when arriving at this place compared to how he acted at the cabin or the hotel. The Quatyl correctly interpreted this difference to mean that this was his normal den and they wouldn't be moving for quite a while. Accepting this, they felt it was time to start making longer term plans on how to manage their situation. The first task was to make arrangements for comfort. To say that James' house was heaven would be misleading. It was the first place the Quatyl had found acceptable. The soft carpet was much nicer than the hard floors of the cabin. There were lots of hiding spots with multiple routes of access. The furniture was low to the ground with skirts that gave privacy. The television stand had a nice secret area underneath it that they could access from the rear by squeezing between it and the wall. The fact was that James' house had lots of little places where the Quatyl could hide. None of the hiding spots were perfect, but they were far better than they had encountered since leaving the crashed spaceship. Although they weren't able to discuss it, the cavernous area under the couch was to be the communal meeting area. After spending close to two hours exploring the house, the pairs of Quatyl selected their own hiding spots. This included the area under the television stand, a chair in the living room, and the cupboard. Once the pairs had selected their sleeping spots, they went back to sleep. The tensions of the back to back days of flying demanded that they sleep. There was one thing that James had done before going to bed. He had called his girlfriend, Nancy, and let her know that he was back in town. She had wanted to come over immediately, but he begged off saying that he was exhausted from flying. It wasn't unexpected, but she did tell him that she would be over first thing in the morning with the makings for an omelet. At 7:30 in the morning, the doorbell rang three times and then Nancy let herself into the house with her key. She was juggling a bag of groceries and didn't see the eight animals scatter to their hiding places. She didn't notice the eight pairs of eyes watching her from under the couch when she walked from the front door to the kitchen. Her mind was on the reunion with James. It should be noted at this point that the Quatyl did have the ability to detect the presence of a person from thirty feet or so, but they weren't able to influence them regardless of distance. The Quatyl believed they were impervious to the mental state of a person for the most part, although they could judge the mood of the beast and they could also get a feel for its basic temperament. Watching Nancy, they felt that she was basically as non-threatening as the beast. They didn't quite understand her mood, but they didn't have that much experience with others like the beast. What the Quatyl didn't know was that humans could affect them. It started out subtly. When the new beast went into the room where the first beast was sleeping, all of the Quatyl started feeling a little jumpy. After a few minutes, they all started feeling really unusual sensations that were quite distracting to the higher regions of their brains. About ten minutes later, Atac came to the realization that he was mating with Atar. He looked around and realized that the others were busy mating as well. This wasn't normal behavior for a Quatyl. The Quatyl had established control over all predators around them for thousands of generations. They had evolved, through necessity, a very low sex drive. They would mate only when the female was in heat and that only happened about once every five years. It was just frequently enough for the Quatyl population to grow as they established new territories. On the other side of the closed door, Nancy and James were very busy saying hello to each other. This involved lots of nudity, touching of bodies, and inserting a part of one person into the cavity of the other. There were also grunts, groans, and moans along with sweat. The hello was very personal and intense. It should be noted that they did bump heads once and there was a little problem with the insertion, but in the heat of the moment neither of them gave the incidents more than passing notice. While Nancy and James were quite pleased with their reunion, the Quatyl were embarrassed and confused. Being shy, the idea of actually mating where others could see them was beyond comprehension. The females were absolutely mortified by their behavior. This was equivalent to a human female getting up on a conference table during an important meeting and performing a strip tease. It was something that just wasn't done. Mating belonged in an enclosed place far from prying eyes. The males were shocked that they could actually engage in mating activities when the females were not in heat. In a way, their reaction was a lot like a teenage boy discovering masturbation. It felt good, but those good feelings came with a huge dose of guilt. Making the situation even worse, the Quatyl could not discuss their behavior. Each pair was left staring at each other and then glancing at the others in the area. Just when they thought it was over, it all started again. They tried to resist, but it was impossible. Atac found he was excited and then saw that Atar had positioned her body for easy access. His control crumbled and he climbed up on her. In the other room, Nancy was experiencing her second orgasm and was working her way towards a third. James was just barely hanging on hoping that he could last to her next orgasm. It was a close race, but James lost. He came first, but it didn't matter since she followed right after him. Out in the hall, the Quatyl were devastated. Three times in less than a cronon was amazing, but three times in thirty minutes was miraculous. Their little bodies weren't designed for that kind of activity. The males were unconscious and the females were absolutely exhausted. The males had collapsed atop the females pinning them in place. Inside the room, Nancy rested her head on James's chest. She cooed, "That was amazing. I've never come that easily and so hard." "You must have missed me as much as I missed you," James said feeling like quite the stud. He'd never brought a woman to so many orgasms in such a short period of time. "Three times! I've never had more than one orgasm, even when I masturbate," Nancy said. After believing that being multi-orgasmic was some sort of urban myth, this session had convinced her she was wrong. Purring with satisfaction, she said, "It felt like every nerve in my body was alive." The explanation of what happened was actually quite simple although the how is quite complicated. Somehow, the nervous system of the Quatyl and the pleasure center of the human female entered into a resonance. The pleasure of the human female had excited the Quatyl and the excitement of the Quatyl had increased the pleasure of the human female. The net result was a very happy human female, a proud human male, and eight exhausted Quatyl. It should be noted that this resonance phenomena had no effect on the human male other than the boost in ego at so thoroughly satisfying the woman. In terms of the big picture, this was a very good thing. After all, the human male didn't need any extra stimulus that might cause him to orgasm even quicker. After recovering from her orgasms, a very happy and satisfied Nancy climbed out of bed and said, "Let me fix you breakfast and then maybe we can do this again." "Okay," James said sitting up and watching her. He really liked her body and the fact that she was more than happy to walk around the house naked. In many ways, he considered that one of her best habits. He asked, "Can I help?" "You can come watch me," Nancy said knowing that is what he really wanted to do. She opened the bedroom door and spotted the four piles of animals at the door. Bending down, she looked at them but couldn't make out their features. Glancing back at James, she asked, "What are these things?" "Oh, you found the critters. I have no idea what they are, but I think they are the cutest things I've ever seen." She knelt down to examine them closer. It took her a minute to realize that each pile was actually two animals with one sleeping on top of the other. In that high pitched girly voice that only women can manage on seeing cute animals or being presented with engagement rings, she said, "Oh, there are two of them in each pile. They are so cute. Can I pick them up?" "They don't seem to like being handled much. The only one that has let me touch it is Scout. It's the one with the darker fur," James answered wondering if his ears would ever recover. Nancy ignored his answer and picked up one of the pair in front of her. It happened to be Cubby. They were so small, soft, and cute that she fell instantly in love with them. She cooed, "They are so cuddly." ------- Chapter 5 A standard mission for a Quatyl patrol was 5,000 chronon in duration. This is approximately seven years. Because the length of time in space was longer than the breeding cycle of the Quatyl, a form of birth control was used to keep the females of the species from entering her breeding cycle. This was delivered into their system by a light spray over the food consumed while in the space ship. Being away from the ship had the unexpected consequence that the substance was not being administered. The Quatyl assumed that this had invoked the mating behavior they had demonstrated outside the door of the beast's room. While the reason for their behavior was wrong, it did raise interesting concerns. In particular, the Quatyl began to get worried about the possibility of producing children. Raising children would make their situation very dire indeed. This was because of some very unusual characteristics of the Quatyl. One of the complicating things was that while the Quatyl looked like Earth mammals, they were not. Their biology, particularly their reproduction biology, was quite different. They did not give birth to live young in the manner of most mammals; they laid eggs. An adult Quatyl would remain with the egg until it hatched. The parents would take turns staying with the egg. It took almost three months for an egg to hatch. Despite being a space faring race, the Quatyl had never developed the concept of a school. While curled around the egg, the adults would imprint essential knowledge on the embryo while it was developing. Imprinting was enough to instill language, history, mathematics, and scientific knowledge but not skills. Once hatched, the young Quatyl would have to learn through experience since the brain was developed to the point where it resisted further imprinting. After hatching, a young Quatyl would live for three days in the mother's pouch where it would grow to twice the birth size. In the pouch, the immature Quatyl would drink a rich milk-like substance. This was similar to nursing, but there weren't teats as would be found in the pouch of a marsupial. The entire pouch would sweat the liquid and it would form a small pool at the bottom of the pouch much as occurred in monotremes. The Quatyl were right in having their concerns about the consequences of their actions, but for the wrong reasons. They did not recall that Quatyl females were always fertile. The five year cycle was actually nature's way of forcing copulation before the egg became too damaged to be viable. Not that there were any problems about the eggs being viable. A female Quatyl could go several cycles without having an egg get fertilized without a problem. Atar was the first of the females to realize that something unusual was happening. She had just finished eating when the contractions necessary to lay her egg started. Looking around wildly, she was terrified that she had eaten something poisonous and was going to die. Even worse, there was no way to communicate her condition to any of the other Quatyl. When Star, Cear, and Lear started acting strange, the males became concerned. Atar dashed off to the den she and her mate had selected. She made it just in time to lay her egg. Throughout the process, she couldn't comprehend what was happening to her. Atac arrived just in time to see the egg appear. Stunned, he stared at the sight. He was no less surprised than Atac. The other three couples were going through their own version of the crisis. The odd behavior of the Quatyl had not gone unnoticed. Nancy had seen the females run off to various hiding places. Her curiosity drove her to look under one of the chairs to see what was happening. When she spotted the egg, she exclaimed, "They are Duck-billed Platypuses." Hearing her exclamation, James came out to investigate. Nancy was dancing around the room thinking about baby platypuses running around the house. She really thought the little animals were the cutest things she had ever seen and just couldn't imagine how cute their babies would be. James asked, "What's up?" "They are Platypuses." James shook his head. He might not recognize a platypus if he were to see one, but he knew when an animal wasn't one. He said, "No they aren't." "Yes, they are!" "They don't have duck-bills." "So they are bill-less duck-billed platypuses," she replied. He asked, "Why do you think that?" "They laid eggs," she answered pointing to the chair under which a pair of Quatyl had retreated. "You're kidding," James said. He didn't know of any egg-laying mammals in the New World. He was convinced that she had mistaken what she had seen. The only explanation that made sense was that one of them had been playing with a ping pong ball and she had thought it was an egg. The only flaw in that logic was that he had no idea where they would have found a ping pong ball. "Look for yourself," Nancy said pointing to the chair. She was getting a little tired of being questioned. James squatted by the chair and looked under the skirt. He spotted Atar curled around a pale tan sphere that looked a lot like an egg. He looked a second and a third time at the egg before he said, "It sure does look like an egg." "I told you so," Nancy said. "I don't think there is anything called a bill-less duck-billed platypus, though," James said while sitting up. He decided that it was time to look up egg-laying mammals on the web. "There has to be one because that is what we have under the chairs," Nancy said with a smile. James spent five hours investigating the animals on the web. He found that there were five species of mammals that laid eggs. There was the platypus and four species of echidna. All of the echidna had beaks, which his animals did not possess. Not finding any information about living species that described his animals, he had spent almost five hours researching the extinct variants of the monotreme order. There was nothing that matched. Giving up, he made his way to the living room. Sitting down on one of the few chairs under which there wasn't a Quatyl living under it, he said, "The best that I can say is that they are a new family." "What? Of course they are a new family. They just laid eggs. They are going to be mommas and papas," Nancy said. James laughed and said, "I didn't mean it that way. They are of class Mammalia, subclass Austrilo-something or other, Order Monotremata, and a new Family according to the scientific classification." "You said they weren't from Australia," she said. "I know. I'm not sure that the sub-class really means that they have to be from Australia," he said. He scratched his head and asked, "Do you think we should tell someone?" "No way! They'll take them away and study them in some cold laboratory," Nancy said. "We don't really know what they need to eat," James said. He wondered about their diets and if the food they were getting was sufficient to keep them in good health. "So get a little of everything and see what they eat," Nancy said planning a trip to the grocery store. "I guess," James said. "I'll go up to the grocery store and load up on all kinds of foods," Nancy said. The suggestion of going out reminded James of something. Sitting up, he said, "I forgot about my manuscript!" Nancy looked over at the clock and said, "You've got about two hours before the overnight service closes." James jumped up and ran into the study. He had to print out a copy of the entire manuscript and send it off. Nancy looked in the study and said, "I'm going to the grocery store. I'll be back in an hour." "I should be done about then," James answered watching the computer slowly boot up. He growled in frustration as the machine displayed the startup screen. He swore, "Damn this computer. It's too damned slow." Smiling at the often voiced complaint, Nancy said, "Calm down. Don't you know there is a rush sensor in all computers? The greater rush you're in, the slower it goes." "You can say that again," James said frowning when it appeared that the computer wasn't going to start. He breathed a sigh of relief when the login screen appeared. Atar, curled around her precious egg, was worried. The new beast kept looking into their den and it was making her nervous. The idea of having a large untamed uncontrolled beast so interested in her egg was terrifying. She knew that she was going to have to do something about the situation. Atac's solution of turning the first beast into a pet came to mind. She wondered if she should try to make a pet of the new beast. Hunger finally drove her from her spot under the chair. She left the den with Atac curled around the egg. It was his turn to proceed with the imprinting process. She made her way to where the first beast left out food for them. She was surprised to find the new beast setting out all kinds of bowls with different foods. She sampled a few of them before selecting some pureed peas. Nancy watched the little animal eat thinking that it was the cutest thing she had ever seen. The animal ate with such a dainty manner that all she wanted to do was to pick it up and hug it. The idea that they were having babies had kicked her mothering instinct into high drive. She sat down at the kitchen table to watch Cubby eat. Atar finished eating and decided that it was time to put Atac's plan into operation with respect to the new beast. If Atac could have the first beast as a pet, she could have the new beast as a pet. Summoning the courage that only motherhood could provide, she approached the new beast and rubbed against its leg. Nancy gave a little scream of happiness that Cubby had finally approached her. She leaned over and picked up the little animal. Setting it on her lap, she started to pet it. Nancy cooed and made other friendly noises while running her hand through the soft fur. Atar could not believe the sensation of being petted. It was the warmest, nicest, and most pleasing experience of her life. Unbidden, she started purring while thinking that having a pet was much nicer than she had thought it would be. It amazed her that such a huge untamed beast could be so gentle. Nancy said, "You're such a cutie. Your fur is so soft. I've never felt fur this soft before except on a kitten." Atar had been learning the language used by the beast. She understood enough to know that the new beast was saying nice things about her fur, but didn't understand what a kitten was. She purred and then felt guilty about how she had treated Atac for purring when the beast had petted him. She sighed at the thought that she wouldn't be able to tell him that she was sorry. James entered the kitchen disturbing the moment. Atar wiggled a little at being surprised. Recognizing that the little animal wanted down, Nancy set her on the floor and watched her run off to her den. She grinned at the funny way that the animal ran. James sat down and said, "I got there in time to send in the manuscript." "So tell me about the story," Nancy said. "It is a typical piece of fun-filled garbage. The readers will love it, but it won't be reviewed as anything except as entertainment," James answered with a shrug of his shoulders. "You're too hard on yourself. There's nothing wrong with writing things that people enjoy to read as a form of escapism," Nancy said. "I guess. I always wanted to write something thought provoking," James said. Having seen James in this mood on more than one occasion, Nancy knew what to do about it. She slowly stripped off her shirt and then bra. With very deliberate motions, she dropped each item on the floor as if to say that she wouldn't be wearing them anytime soon. He watched her strip with a grin that slowly increased in size. Seeing that she had his full attention, she stood and faced him. Her skirt and panties joined the pile of clothes on the floor. James said, "You are so beautiful." Grinning, she said, "I am, aren't I?" "So modest, too," he said. "You're overdressed." "I am?" Nancy nodded her head and said, "Yes, you are." "What should I do about it?" Rather than answering with words, Nancy chose to answer with actions. She reached over and unbuttoned his shirt. It wasn't long before his shirt was on the floor next to her clothes. She knelt on the floor in front of him and removed his shoes and socks. He couldn't believe how sexy she looked while watching her remove his shoes. She looked up at him and saw the expression on his face. She said, "You find it exciting to have me at your feet." "Yes," he answered swallowing heavily. His cock strained to escape the tight confines of his pants. He stood and she attacked his belt. "We haven't broken in the kitchen table yet," she said with a smile. She pulled down his pants and saw the unmistakable bulge in his briefs. It was obvious that he found the idea of taking her on the table to be very exciting. "No, we haven't," he said amazed to have found a woman so wild that she'd have sex outside of the bedroom. There followed a very passionate experience on the kitchen table. Nancy discovered to her great pleasure that she was definitely multi-orgasmic. Despite the short session, less than fifteen minutes, she had come twice. James had been very pleased by his performance. Relaxing with her on his lap, he stroked her body pleased with the satisfied expression on her face. The mood of the Quatyl contrasted sharply with the satisfied mood of the humans. In their dens, four very shocked pairs of Quatyl found that they were mating once again. Confused, they collapsed to the floor realizing that they had mated twice in the space of fifteen minutes. It was unheard of behavior for a Quatyl. Even they recognized that they had the lowest sex drive of any space faring race. Lear, the best linguist of the crew, knew that they would all suffer from nervous breakdowns if they didn't find some way to communicate with each other. Curled around her egg, she thought about the problem. She thought about the keyboards that were required for other races to operate the computers that controlled their spaceships. The physiology of the Quatyl didn't really support that kind of interaction. Short stubby legs did not make it easy. Her thoughts were interrupted with the contractions that signaled she was about to lay another egg. She curled around and looked between her legs in horror. The idea that she could lay two eggs in less than two cronons shocked her to her core. If she could have screamed, she would have let loose with one that would have shaken the walls. This was a nightmare. Her mate, Leac, stared at her wondering what her problem was. When the egg appeared, he backed out of the den as if she was some kind of monster. Leac noticed that the other males had backed out of their dens in the same manner. After sharing a look, the males returned to their dens trying to understand what was going on. Unable to believe his eyes he found that Lear was curled around two eggs. He went over to her and rubbed his head against hers. She was shaking and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. First there had been the crash. Then there had been the death of all of their controlled servants. If that hadn't been enough, there had been the long journey through dangerous territory in which they had nearly died. The problem was that the bad news hadn't stopped there. There had been the discovery that they couldn't control the beasts that ruled this planet. On top of that, there had been the horrible flight in that flimsy aircraft. All of those things paled compared to laying two eggs. The other things had happened to them. The frequent mating and multiple eggs was happening for reasons that none of them understood. Lear was convinced that they had died and gone to some horrible place of punishment. She couldn't imagine what they had done so wrong to deserve such a punishment. Leac was stunned at the recent developments. He didn't know whether to be proud that he was one of the first Quatyl to father two eggs in one cronon or to run away from the responsibilities that it meant. Despite not understanding how it had come to be, he decided that he was proud of the accomplishment. Looking over at Lear, it was obvious that she was upset. He wished that he could communicate, but that was impossible. There were eight very miserable Quatyl in the house when James and Nancy went to bed. Although they celebrated his return once again, the distance was enough that the Quatyl were not affected. That was fortunate since it was highly likely that the Quatyl would not have survived another round of mating without losing their minds. The house was dark when Lear left her den to eat something. Wandering into the kitchen, she noticed the floor tiles. They were laid out in a nice regular pattern that reminded her of something. She moved onto one of them and looked around. A dim memory from many generations ago slowly percolated through her thoughts. Inspiration struck and she raced out of the kitchen. Outside the den of Atac and Atar, she growled to get their attention. Atac peeked out to see what the matter was. Lear danced around and moved towards the kitchen. When he didn't follow her, she moved closer to him, paused, and then moved towards the kitchen again. He finally realized that she wanted him to follow her. Atac moved out of the den prepared to follow her to the kitchen. Rather than going to the kitchen, Lear repeated her actions outside the den of Ceac and Cear. Cear came out to investigate. Lear immediately went over to the den of Star and Stac. Stac came out to see what was happening. Lear led them to the kitchen and, using her body to push around the other three Quatyl, managed to position them so that they could watch what she was going to do. Once everyone was in place, she moved to one of the squares and paused before moving to the next square. She repeated that action for sixteen squares trying to indicate that each square represented one letter of their alphabet. Once she had mapped out the sixteen squares, she took a minute to form the words to convey, 'We can talk this way.' It was a horribly awkward and inefficient way to communicate, but it did allow them to communicate and that was the important thing. In human terms, it was a lot like communicating through smoke signals. Atac was the first to recognize what she had done. He moved across the same area to answer, 'Yes.' It took Cear and Stac watching the entire exchange to realize what Lear had been trying to tell them. Once they realized what she was showing them, the real discussion began. It was Cear who started it with, 'What is happening to me? I laid two eggs.' Lear answered, 'So did I.' 'So did Atar.' 'Star, too.' Relieved to know that she wasn't the only one facing such strange things, Cear asked, 'Is it something in the water or food?' 'I don't know, ' Stac answered. The discussion raged through the night with members of each couple trading places to allow the others to get into the discussion. By the time the sun rose in the morning, they still had no idea what was causing them to mate with such frequency. They were much happier with their situation, though. Having established a fool- proof means of communication was a significant breakthrough and calmed all of them down significantly. Waking late, Nancy came in the kitchen to find two of the Quatyl moving around on the floor. She watched them for a minute and then said, "James, you've got to see this. They're playing." James came out and looked at the pair of animals moving around the kitchen floor. It looked like some strange kind of dance. Shrugging his shoulders, he said, "They sure are cute." "They're darling little animals. Which ones are these?" she asked. "That one has a scar, so I guess we can call him Scar and his mate Face. The other one has the longest fur. I guess we can call him Fuzzy," James said. Both animals turned to look at him when he suggested the names. Leac wasn't sure that he wanted to be called Scar, but there was nothing to do about it. Cear was not happy about being called a male, but didn't mind her new name. James laughed and said, "We can call Fuzzy's mate Wuzzy." Nancy laughed at the joke and said, "Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?" "Right," James said with a wink. "You've got a wicked sense of humor," she said with a laugh. Her movements caused her breasts to sway in a particularly nice manner. "That's why my books sell," James said with a shrug of his shoulders. His eyes took in the naked form of his girlfriend. Cear wasn't sure what they were saying, but she wasn't sure that she liked it. She had come to associate the one noise they made with being an insult. It should be noted that the Quatyl had never really developed a sense of humor. Cear did recognize that there was something important about being named. It didn't help that she didn't know what the names meant. Cear stared at the couple when they started kissing and the desire to mate rose within her. Horrified at what she was feeling, she raced off towards her den. Leac was right behind her and heading towards his den. They just made it in time. Thirty minutes later there were eight exhausted Quatyl. Two hours later, there were four more eggs. Thus began the greatest population explosion in the entire history of the Quatyl. ------- Chapter 6 After checking the caller id, James picked up the telephone on the fifth ring. One more ring and the voice mail would have answered. Adopting a graveled voice, he said, "Sam's Mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em. Who do you need buried today?" "James?" "Okay, so the deceased person is named James. Where can we pick up the body?" James asked. "James isn't deceased," his agent, Sam, answered taken aback by the question. "Then why do you want to bury him?" James asked. Nancy was rolling her eyes and having a hard time keeping from laughing. "Sorry, I have wrong number," Sam said and started to hang up. Groaning, he realized that James was in a mood to play. He caught himself and said, "James! That's not funny!" Chuckling, James said, "I thought it was." "You've got a sick sense of humor," Sam said in an irritated voice. "If you say so," James said, "but I'm sure that you didn't call just to tell me that." "Right." "So why did you call?" "There are a couple of chapters in your book that need to be modified a little," his agent said. "Just a couple? Modified only a little? Gosh, I don't know if I can do that," James said. If his publisher had his way, he would end up changing the entire book. As far as he could tell, his publisher didn't have much of a sense of humor. He started to explain, "You see, if I start to change things then the whole story will unravel. The next thing you know there will be words spilling out the back of my computer and littering the floor. There would be other consequences besides having a mess to sweep up. "Little character fragments will get trapped in this reality. They'll only be able to say a line or two in this world before fading out of view. The next thing you know, they would return ten minutes later to repeat it. They'd live forever in an edit loop waiting for some slob to hit the undo button on the word processor, but by then it would be too late. "That reminds me of something and I've given it a lot of thought. There are a lot of folks who believe in ghosts. They aren't really the ghosts of dead people. Not at all. They are really characters who've been edited too much as a result of picky publishers. The torture their poor souls would..." "Cut that out!" Sam said knowing that if James really got into it that they'd be on the phone all day. He swore that one day he'd tape record James and publish it as 'The Rants of James Leonard Foster.' It would be a best seller just because of the extremes that James usually took things. "Shucks. Here I was just getting started. I didn't even have a chance to go overboard, yet." "You went a little over board with the seven foot tall female cop with the gay short cop." Smiling, James had known that his publisher wasn't going to like that. He asked, "Really? I thought it was quite humorous. I was pretty sure that he'd get an erection reading that part of the story." "Like I said before, you have a sick sense of humor. Harvey wants you to change the characters a little," his agent said making reference to the publisher. "I could make the tall cop a lesbian too," James said in what he hoped sounded like a helpful tone of voice. "You know what I mean." "Okay, how about I give the short one a stutter so that when he hits on the hero it takes him twenty minutes to say it," James said. There was a low growl over the phone. Harvey, the publisher, didn't have the right to force any major changes to the story, but he could request some minor alterations to make it more suitable for publication. Sam said, "Cut it out." "The whole chapter?" "Stop making jokes. This isn't funny. Harvey is very upset, particularly since you named the gay cop after him," Sam said. His ears were still ringing from that discussion. "Oh, so that's the problem. Harvey is always telling me how sexy my heroes are. I thought I would give him a chance to live vicariously through my story a little," James said winking at Nancy. "Harvey is not gay! He's just a little effeminate," Sam said. "Okay. We'll change the name of the cop to Poindexter," James said. He always had wanted to meet a cop by that name. "You will?" Sam asked hopefully. "Sure, why not," James said. Such a little change meant that Harvey had something even bigger that he wanted changed. "Now about the love scene where they hit heads..." "Not changing that for all of the money in the world," James said. He meant that. "At least give her some breasts," Sam pleaded. "She's got breasts," James said feeling particularly proud of his description of them. "Reading that section made me think she had pancakes instead of muffins for breasts," Sam said. "Sometimes I'd much rather have pancakes for breakfast than muffins," James said. The comment earned him a puzzled look from Nancy. "Look, you described it as though someone had turned her around and glued erasers to her back. No tits and no aureoles, just large pink nipples sticking up from a broad expanse of skin," Sam said reading the offending sentence. "Such a way with words -- nipples sticking up from a broad expanse of skin. It almost sounds like poetry. Did anyone tell you that you should be a writer?" he said. Nancy shook her head at the description. She wondered where he came up with things like that. "Those are your words," Sam growled. "Gosh, maybe I am a writer after all," James said with a laugh. "Look, you can leave in the comic relief that you call a sex scene if you give her real breasts," Sam said. "It's too late for that. She's a little old for them to grow in now. I'll have to give her silicon breasts. Rock hard mountains of flesh supported from within by silicon and topped with aureole like snowcaps -- nipples jutting up to the sky like radio towers signaling her excitement to the world at large." "You are one sick man," Sam said shaking his head. The sad thing was that he actually enjoyed that description. As images of John Denver singing Rocky Mountain High flashed through her mind, Nancy said, "That's horrible." "Just give her large breasts without going to a plastic surgeon," Sam said. "I can't do that. She has this whole history of going through life flat- chested. If I give her real breasts, I'll have to change the entire story," James said. Sam frowned and looked over at his copy of the manuscript. He said, "There wasn't anything about that in the book." "Maybe it didn't make it into the book, but that's her history and I'm sticking with it," James said. "You're sick," Sam said looking up to heaven wondering how he kept walking into these kinds of exchanges. "You keep saying that," James said, "Maybe one of these days I'll believe you." "I'm sure that Harvey will accept fake breasts," Sam said giving up while he was ahead. He was pretty sure that James would suggest that one breast was a full cup size larger than the other. "I've got an idea," James said. "I'd rather not hear it," Sam said cutting him off before he could begin. "So that's it. Change the name of the gay cop and have the heroine visit a plastic surgeon. Anything else?" James asked. "Just one more little thing," Sam said taking a deep breath. 'This is the kicker, ' James thought. There was always one major thing the publisher wanted changed regardless of what kind of story it was. The only reason the publisher called his agent was because he wanted James to make some major change to the story. His publisher hoped the agent would be able to talk him into it based on career rather than literary reasons. He asked, "What is it?" "Uh, drop the last chapter," Sam said. "What?" James shouted a little louder than necessary, "He wants me to rewrite the last chapter? It was the best chapter of the whole book." There was a long moment of silence on the phone while Sam tried to recover his hearing. He had known that James would react like that. After counting to ten, he said, "He wants you to drop the last chapter, not rewrite it." "Oh," James said with a grin. He should have been able to predict that. He asked, "What didn't he like about having the hero walk off into the sunset? I even had that in my outline. Don't all heroes walk off into the sunset after saving the heroine?" "Not when they are standing on the edge of a cliff," Sam said thinking about Sir Author Conan Doyle who tried to kill off Sherlock Holmes. James' hero wasn't a Sherlock Holmes, but he was popular and could probably fill another couple of novels before the audience tired of him. "I wasn't graphic. I just had two final words. 'Oh Shit... ' It was a merest hint of disaster," James said. The last chapter was less than half a page in which his hero, Dr. Dud, stood on the edge of a cliff admiring the sunset and then walked into it. "Well, it was just too much of a hint. You do want to keep earning royalties in the future, don't you?" "What's that got to do with it?" James asked knowing exactly what his agent was going to say. "You can't kill off a popular hero if you plan to earn money writing sequels," Sam said knowing they had covered this matter on the last two books. "Really? You mean I can't do a Son of Doctor Dud?" "You could if he had a son," Sam answered. He wasn't quick enough to mention that there wasn't such a son. "Well, he did have rather inept sex with the heroine in this book. I thought that getting her pubic hair caught in his watch was the height of literary creativity for a sex scene. Who knows what such a masterful performance in bed could produce?" James said winking at Nancy. She grimaced at the thought of having her pubic hair caught in his watch. Sam groaned over the telephone. He knew it was too late to stop James. Getting into the spirit of things, James added, "I'm sure that a son could have resulted from that. I even have a great name for him. I'd call him, Art Dud and make him a painter. I'd even give him a business card with his name on it, A. Dud." "This is getting ridiculous," Sam said reaching for his bottle of pink stuff. "All the better, my good man. My readers have come to expect the ridiculous from me. I have an even better idea. Rather than having him do his own painting, he's taught a raccoon to do the painting for him. Yes, the sequel would start off with the kidnapping of his raccoon for a million dollars," James said enjoying himself tremendously. "What?" Sam asked with a sense of dread. It was too late to take back his question. He dropped the bottle of pink stuff and reached for the pills. "Yes, and when he rescues the raccoon from the villain, they have glorious sex on the beach," James said. Nancy was rolling on the floor in laughter by this time. He added, "Just imagine what I could do with that. You know that raccoons always wash their food before they eat it? What a great way to start off oral sex. I can't imagine anything better than having your dingy washed by a raccoon. "Then think about all of that sand getting into the nasty bits. I could devote two whole chapters to that alone. By the way, what kind of sound does a raccoon make when it has an orgasm?" "Stop it, you're killing me," Sam said resting his head on his desk. Most literary agents had serious authors for clients. This was not the first time that he wondered how he ended up with a squirrel for a client. "Still taking pills?" James asked in a conversational tone of voice. James was busy making the changes to the manuscript while Nancy read the draft. She was laughing aloud. Looking up from the page, she smiled at him and, in a sweet voice, asked, "Did you really mean to describe our first time in bed together?" "Oh, that's cold," James said knowing that she had just finished reading the part where the couple had sex for the first time. He put his hand over his heart as if he had just been shot in the chest. "It's just that part about bumping heads reminded me of something," she replied. "Oh, I thought you were referring to the part about mistaking her navel for her nipple," James said. Nancy stared off into space for a minute and then said, "You did spend a lot of time kissing my navel. Is there something you forgot to mention?" "No, I just find navels sexy," James answered. "Really? I bet those episodes where Jeannie showed off her navel used to drive you crazy," Nancy said with a smile. "You'd be right. I was so disappointed when they made her cover it up," James said. "I take it the idea of a woman who could grant your every wish by crossing her arms and nodding her head had nothing to do with your excitement," Nancy said. "Oh, it doesn't require that a woman cross her arms and nod her head to grant me a wish or three," James said moving his eyebrows in a lecherous manner. Grinning, Nancy got down on her knees and approached him with a grin on her face. She had just reached him and touched his belt when four of the Quatyl ran out of the room with desperate looks on the faces. Noticing them run off, Nancy said, "I think it scares them when we have sex." "I don't know why. They've each got a dozen or so eggs they're taking care of. They must enjoy sex as much as we do," James said. "It must be the noises we make," Nancy said while lowering the zipper on his pants. James groaned and said, "That's too bad, I plan on making lots of noise." The female Quatyl wanted to put as much distance between them and the humans as possible. They curled up in the kitchen corner as far from the humans as possible. Once there, they shivered in place hoping that the distance was far enough. Between the four couples, they had almost fifty eggs. At the rate they were laying eggs, they'd never do anything except raise young. The males were left under the chairs well within range of being affected by the activities taking place in the next room. They stayed curled around the eggs suffering from highly charged libidos that were overpowering. It was their hope that the female beast would go out of heat soon and end this torture. All eight Quatyl agreed that the human beasts were the most sexually active species in the universe. With nothing else to do, James sat on the couch watching the television. The news was on and they showed a picture of the centaur that had been discovered in the southern part of Mexico. It was actually a fairly accurate reconstruction considering the few remains that had been found. James stared at the image and said, "That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen." From their dens, four pairs of eyes were watching the television as well. They recognized the Gnord. Seeing the picture filled them with sadness. The Gnord had been a good servant and its death had been a major blow to them. Seeing it reminded each of them of the other losses they had suffered. Nearly two hundred servants had been killed in the crash and the time following that event. Nancy came in and sat down on the couch. While the news reporter was interviewing the person who had found it, she said, "That was found down by where you were, wasn't it?" "Yes, it was," James said. For some reason, the cabin he had been staying in had even made it into a background shot. "Did you see it?" James shook his head and said, "No. It was found a mile or so from the cabin I was in, but I didn't explore the area too much. I was busy trying to get the book finished." "Pity, you could have discovered two new species of animals," Nancy said curling her legs under her body. She was wearing one of his shirts and her position gave nice hints of her nether region. The comment surprised James, but he didn't follow the thought through to its logical conclusion. He said, "I guess that as finder of a new species, I get to name the critters." "Hey, that's right," Nancy said turning to look at him. She grinned and asked, "How about cutie?" "No," he said with an exaggerated frown. He said, "It's got to sound Latin or something like that. How about cutasaurus?" "They aren't dinosaurs!" "How about cuta-critter?" James asked with a grin. "I hate it when you call them critters. It sounds like some sort of hick label," Nancy said frowning and wrinkling her nose in a manner that he found quite attractive. James thought about it for a minute. He didn't want to name the critters after himself. The idea of a species being known through all time by the name of a hack pulp fiction novelist just didn't seem right to him. He asked, "Okay, how about Qyx?" "Quacks? Like the noise a duck makes?" Nancy asked. She wondered if he was making fun of her pronouncement of them as duck-billed platypuses. Of course, he wasn't the kind of man who would do that. "No, Q Y X," James answered. "Why that?" "It would be a great word for scrabble," James answered bringing a groan from Nancy. He thought about a moment more and said, "Perhaps, Qyz would be better. A three letter word that scores twenty-four points is pretty impressive." "Sounds like a test," Nancy said. How about Quatyl?" He pronounced it so that it sounded like 'cute el'. In time, people would diverge on the pronunciation. A few would stay with the 'cute el' while the majority of people would say 'quat el.' "I don't know," Nancy said feeling as if they were going back to names beginning with cute. She asked, "How do you spell it?" "Q U A T Y L," he answered. "I like it. It has a kind of sweet sound to it," Nancy said. She thought about it for a minute and asked, "What would be the plural?" "Let's keep it simple and make it Quatyl," James answered. "Shouldn't it have an 's' at the end?" "Why?" "Isn't that a rule for plural nouns?" "Hey, I made it up. It's my word and I can apply any irregular rule of grammar to it that I want. Quatyl as both singular and plural is a lot better than the man-men, mouse-mice, or moose-meese rules" James said getting a laugh from Nancy on the last example. "Okay. Even though it is both singular and plural, I like it," Nancy said knowing that at some time in the future some poor kid in third grade was going to get it wrong on a spelling test and curse James for it. "Quatyl might not be as good of a word for scrabble as Qyz, but I kind of like it." "So what do you do now? Patent it?" Nancy asked. "I have no idea," James answered. His investigations on the internet when he was trying to identify the species of the critters had not suggested how a new species came to be officially named. Maybe his agent would know. "I guess you had better find out before someone finds another Quatyl," Nancy said. "You're right," James said. Their discussion was interrupted by a new story on the television. Looking over at the picture that was being broadcast, James said, "Hey, they found some sort of space ship." "What is that thing? It looks huge," Nancy said staring at the television. "Let me turn up the volume," James said looking at the images being shown on the screen. He reached for the remote control while keeping his eyes on the television. The couple watched as images of the crash site were shown on television. Despite the fact that the investigators on the scene mentioned that they had found the remains of many different types of life-forms at the crash site, neither James nor Nancy made the connection to the Quatyl. The Quatyl watched the television from their dens. The aerial photographs of the scene showed just how lucky they were to survive the crash. The environment in which it had landed was truly hostile. It is hard to convey the sadness that came over the Quatyl upon seeing the ship laid bare by the elements. Each of them stared at the television feeling alone and lost in a huge galaxy. They weren't given a chance to sulk for long. When they heard the couple start to kiss, the males frantically ran out of the room. They really hoped that the beast had left the bedroom door open. He hadn't. Four hours later there was another egg in each of the dens. ------- Chapter 7 Three and a half months after returning home from Mexico, James stood at the kitchen door looking at all of the Quatyl running around the living room floor. Nancy came up behind him and said, "Aren't they the cutest things you've ever seen?" "There sure is a bunch of them," James said losing count at twenty. The four adult Quatyl chasing after the young looked rather frazzled by the experience. The other four were still in their dens imprinting the rest of the eggs. "You're right. It kind of makes me think of the Star Trek Tribbles," she said. They were starting to go through a lot of applesauce, but she didn't even think of putting them on a diet. Although she was buying food by the case now, she was pretty sure that the sudden population boom wasn't occurring because they were getting over fed. "What are we going to do with them all?" James asked. He didn't want to give them away, but he knew they were going to end up with close to a thousand of them at the rate they were breeding. "I guess we could take them to the grocery store and give them away to nice people there," Nancy said thinking it wouldn't be right to sell them. She had gotten rid of some kittens that way when she was younger. "I suppose. Still, I'd like to make sure that the people who get them will take good care of them," James said noticing four new Quatyl emerge from their dens. It was odd how they always appeared whenever he and Nancy were discussing them. Thinking that it was sweet of him to care so much for the Quatyl, Nancy leaned over to kiss him. When she did there was a mass exodus of Quatyl headed in the direction of the bedroom. She paused and said, "That's so strange. Every time I go to kiss you, they run away. I wonder what that is about." "I don't know. Did you notice, but almost every time we have sex they lay an egg," James said wondering if there wasn't some sort of connection. "Hmm, maybe we make them horny," Nancy said with a grin. "I don't know about them, but you tend to have that effect on me," James said kissing her neck. He swore that he could hear a whimper come from under one of the chairs. "What are you doing?" Nancy asked several days later. "I'm making up care and feeding of Quatyl instructions," James answered while typing on his computer. Looking over his shoulder, Nancy checked out the list. She said, "Don't forget to put down the soaked seaweed. They really love that stuff." "I was about to add that to the list of foods," James said. Looking at the screen, he said, "Let's see what else I have forgotten." "That thing about sex scaring them," Nancy said. "I wasn't talking to you," James said distracted from his thoughts. "Who were you talking to?" Shifting nervously, he answered, "The computer." "You talk to your computer?" she asked even though she knew that he did it. He tried to hide it from her, but there were times when he slipped up and would go into long discourses about whatever he was writing. She enjoyed his little rants at the computer tremendously. He really came up with some off the wall stuff. "Only when I'm writing," he answered. "And what kinds of things do you say to it? I bet you talk sexy to it," she asked looking over at him with a smile on her face. Since that was the only use he had for his computer he talked to it all of the time he was using. "Oh baby, make love to me. Let me stroke your mouse, fondle your keys, and gaze upon your monitor," he answered with a grin. The sounds of Quatyl leaving the room filled the air. "You scared them away," Nancy said watching them flee the room. The older of the young Quatyl left in pairs. "I swear that they understand what we are saying," James said shaking his head in wonder. Lear stood at the doorway of the den watching the pair. She had finally figured out most of the language and had been teaching it to the other Quatyl. It helped when he left the television on since it gave her a lot of contextual elements in which to place the language. She wasn't sure that she liked being called Face, but there wasn't too much she could do about it. Looking in the direction that the Quatyl had headed, Nancy said, "Have you noticed that some of the young Quatyl have already formed pairs?" "Yes, I noticed that last night," James said. "What is going to happen when we give them away?" Nancy asked glancing over at Face. There were times when the Quatyl seemed far more intelligent than your usual animal. "I guess we'll have to put them up for adoption as pairs. I'd hate to break them up. You never know, they might mate for life. If we were to break up the pairs, it is possible that we'd be condemning them to a life of misery," James said with a frown. He added that to the care and feeding instructions. Face listened to the conversation with interest. She had known that the children were going to have to move out. There were just too many of them in such a small area. The prospect of having them leave had filled her with dread. This was such a dangerous world. Hearing that the pets were taking this matter seriously gave her a small measure of relief. "You will make sure that they are given good homes?" Nancy asked with a worried expression on her face. The idea that the Quatyl might end up in homes where they would be mistreated really bothered her. Taking her hand, he gave her a reassuring smile and said, "You will be there with me to approve every adoption." "Good. I think we should avoid placing them in houses with young kids. They can be so rough," Nancy said. "You're probably right," James said. James set up a table outside the local grocery store and set a box on the table with sixteen of the young Quatyl in it along with Scout and Scar. He had brought Scout and Scar with him so that people would know what a full grown Quatyl looked like. He didn't think he would have to wait long before giving away all of them. They had come to the store with twenty of the young Quatyl, but the manager and the assistant manager had taken one look at them and adopted a pair each. The young Quatyl had selected their owners by having all but a pair move away from the person reaching for them. It was weird, but all of the Quatyl had growled when the produce manager had tried to take a pair. Nancy had put her foot down and wouldn't let the man have them. James was more than willing to use force if necessary. He'd never seen such a negative reaction to a person by the Quatyl. They had just finished setting up when a young woman stopped at the table and looked in the box. One look at them and she was hooked. She cooed and said, "They are so cute. What are they?" "They are Quatyl," James answered. "I've never heard of them," she said. A pair moved forward and she picked them up. The pair of them was small enough to fit in one hand. Together, the young Quatyl purred to announce that they had decided to adopt that particular person as a pet. "They are a new species," Nancy said. She gestured to Scout and said, "These are two full grown ones." "They're so small," the woman said glancing over at the adults. Considering their size, they'd fit in a small apartment without a problem. Her eyes were drawn back to the pair in her hand. She petted their backs and exclaimed, "Their fur is so soft!" "We have some care and feeding directions," James said holding out one of the sheets he had printed. "Baby food? They eat baby food?" the woman asked after looking over the list. "Yes. They love pureed peas, applesauce, watermelon, and soaked seaweed," Nancy said. She leaned over and said, "They are so easy to care for, too. Believe it or not, these are already house trained." "You're kidding?" James shook his head and answered, "Nope. It seems like they are born knowing to use a litter box. All you have to do is show it to them." "Wow," the woman said looking back at the pair of Quatyl in her hands. James looked over at Nancy and said, "Nancy, would you like to explain about the you-know-what?" Rolling her eyes, Nancy said, "There is one little problem. It seems that having sex around a Quatyl tends to trigger a breeding activity with them. You need to give them a little distance or you'll end up with a bunch of them." "What?" the woman asked staring at Nancy in shock. She glanced at the sheet and noticed that there was a line saying that people shouldn't have sex around a Quatyl. "Yes. We started with eight of them. By the time we realized what was going on, we had almost a hundred," James said. "That's weird," the woman said. "One other thing, they lay eggs. It takes them about three months to hatch," James added. "They lay eggs?" she asked looking at them wide-eyed. "Yes," James answered. "Like a platypus?" "Yep," James answered. "Neat," she answered. Nancy put together a small box and put a scrap of cloth at the bottom of it. She handed it over to the woman and said, "You can keep them in that box until you get home." The woman carefully placed the pair of Quatyl in the box. Looking up, she asked, "How much are they?" "They're free. We just want to make sure that they get into good homes," Nancy said. James picked up Scout and petted it. The Quatyl produced a loud happy purr of contentment. He said, "That's right." The young woman looked down at her box and said, "They're so cute." It took them two hours to get rid of all of the young Quatyl they had brought. While they were packing up, James said, "That went well. Twenty gone, only eighty more to go." "I really liked that elderly couple that came in," Nancy said. The woman had reminded her of her grandmother. "Same here," James said. He grinned and added, "They were the only ones who didn't think the sex issue would be a problem." "Just wait until their kids come for a visit," Nancy said with a grin. "You know, giving them to elderly couples might not be such a bad idea," James said. He thought about how many elderly people lived alone and needed companionship. "We could stop by one of the retirement villages with the next batch," Nancy said hoping they didn't have any pet restrictions. James said, "It's weird how they rejected three-quarters of the people who stopped by." "Yeah, it's like they could sense something wrong with those people," Nancy said. Nodding his head, James said, "That one guy was a real creep. All of the Quatyl started growling before he even reached the table." "He made me nervous just looking at him. The weird thing is that I wouldn't have said that until the Quatyl reacted to him," Nancy said. The odd thing was that the man was wearing nice clothes and had a neat appearance. He looked like a very successful business man with a charming nature. "I still don't know what was wrong with that woman who had the heavy makeup on," James said. Although she had seemed nice, the Quatyl had rejected her, but not with the kind of energy that they had rejected others. "She was hiding bruises," Nancy said looking at James as if he had missed something very obvious. The only reason Nancy knew for wearing that much makeup and dark glasses was to hide something. "What do you mean?" "It looked to me like she is married to a wife beater," Nancy answered. She didn't like the idea of the Quatyl going off to a home where there was domestic violence. "And you think the Quatyl knew that?" James asked looking down at Scout. The Quatyl looked back up at him. "I don't know," Nancy answered thinking that she was going to start relying on the Quatyl's opinion of people a little more in the future. The Quatyl met late that night to discuss the outcome of the human adoption program. Atac was very pleased with how things had turned out. The beasts hadn't forced any of the Quatyl to adopt pets that they didn't like. There were many potential pets who had given him an uneasy feeling. There was even one beast that had absolutely repulsed him. Moving around on the floor, he said, 'The pets were very careful in letting our children adopt their pets.' Leac said, 'They are well trained and seem to know what to do.' Very pleased with the performance of his pets, Atac said, 'It is amazing what a love sound does to them.' The other Quatyl were quiet. They hadn't adopted any pets yet. In fact, they hadn't even had a chance to adopt a pet. All of the adult Quatyl agreed that it was better to have the children find pets before them. At least James and Nancy were taking care of them. Leac said, 'One day we all will have pets.' 'I miss the old servants. They were a lot easier to control than pets, ' Atac said running around on the floor. Not only was this form of communicating tiring, but it did not allow them to convey emotion like Slatherns had allowed. He wondered if they would ever be able to have a real conversation. 'I felt guilty sending the children out without a servant to take care of them, ' Leac said making reference to the typical practice of setting a child up with a support system before letting them leave the den. He knew that all of them felt the same way. 'We still have eighty children to send out into this world. I hope there are enough pets for them to adopt, ' Ceac said. One of the things that Atac appreciated was that the pets were limiting their sexual activities to the bedroom. None of the females had laid an egg in over twenty days. Atac said, 'They warned the new pets not to have sex around our children.' 'Thank goodness, ' Ceac said. He moved to get away from the tiles and then went back to say, 'At the rate we've been mating, we'll run out of pets very soon.' 'Don't give up on finding new servants, ' Atac said. They could control a few animals on this planet. Perhaps they would find one that would make a good servant. Ceac said, 'Maybe we can find servants that can fix our ship.' 'It is too late, ' Lear said. 'Why?' 'The television showed the beasts dismantling our ship to study in their laboratories. We can't ever return home, ' Lear said. One of the young children went over to the tiles. It took a bit of time, but it said, 'We shall just have to get our pets to take us home.' 'These pets could be the species that we've feared would destroy our race, ' Atac said wishing to convey just how worried he was about that possibility. The fact that they couldn't be controlled made them a very dangerous species. 'Your pet does not seem very dangerous, ' Ceac said. Atac said, 'We don't control them. They are still wild beasts.' Nancy swung by the house after work feeling tired. She entered the house and spotted Cubby. Sitting down, she waited for Cubby to come over to her. She didn't have long to wait. Picking up the Quatyl, she put it on her lap and started petting it. When Cubby started to purr, she said, "My brother and his wife are coming over here. It would be nice if they could adopt a pair of Quatyl, but that's not possible." Cubby looked up at her and stretched out so that Nancy could rub her whole back. It was such a glorious sensation. The purr came out without restraint. For the first time in what seemed like ages, Cubby was not watching over an egg. She and Scout could relax. Looking down at the Quatyl, Nancy said, "It's been kind of quiet here without all of the little Quatyl running around." The Quatyl looked up at her. Nancy sighed and said, "Maybe James will marry me and let me have a baby of my own." James had just then walked into the kitchen from the backyard and overheard her. He backed away and listened as she said, "I really love that man. He's funny, charming, incredibly good looking, and smart. I die laughing when I read his stuff. Have you ever listened to him talk to his computer?" She smiled down at the Quatyl and said, "No, of course not. The dialogs he has with that machine are so cute. The other night I was listening to him outline his next book. He didn't know I was there. "You know how he is always trying to kill off the main character. When he got to the last chapter, he started talking about having his character play hopscotch on an LA highway. Hop, hop, splat. I nearly laughed out loud thinking about how his publisher and agent would react to that little scene. "Oh, his hero gets married in this book. If Dr. Dud can get married, shouldn't I be able to get married? You're so lucky, Cubby. You've got Scout. I can tell he's a good mate for you." Nancy sat back and petted the Quatyl. Once James was sure that she was done with her little monolog, he entered the room and said, "Oh, you're home." "Yes. I wanted to let you know that my brother and his wife wanted to stop by here to meet you. I've got to warn you, she's a big fan of yours so be prepared for flattery," Nancy said with a smile. "A really big fan?" he asked with a grin. "A super-fan," she answered. "Hero worship?" "You bet," she answered with a smile. James stuck out his chest with his fists on his hips just like Superman. When he struck his heroic pose, she said, "Perfect, she'll love that look. You'll really impress her. It'll remind her of a kid who runs around wearing a blanket as a cape." "You think so?" James asked. "Yes," she said. "I can find a small blanket around here somewhere. Will that help?" "Definitely," she answered with a laugh. She wasn't surprised when he headed down the hall in search of a cape. Giggling, she looked down at Cubby and said, "You've got to love that man. My poor sister-in-law won't know what hit her." The animal didn't answer. She said, "You guys might want to make yourselves scarce after my brother leaves. I brought a Genii outfit." Cubby turned to look at her. Seeing the reaction from the animal, Nancy said, "The Genii outfit will lead to a lot of sex." The comment sent a shiver down the spine of Cubby. She hoped they used the bedroom that night. The other Quatyl had stuck their heads out from under the various pieces of furniture. James entered the room with a towel tied around his neck like a cape. Adopting the Superman pose, he said, "Superwriter here to save the day." "Oh Superwriter, save me! Only you can keep me safe from the evil villain," Nancy said in a falsetto voice and clasping her hands in front of her. "He's just an evil villain? He's not a super-villain?" James asked sounding disappointed. Setting Cubby down on the floor, Nancy dropped to her knees and looked up at James. She batted her eyes. In the same falsetto voice, she said, "He's an evil super-villain!" Cubby looked from James to Nancy and back again trying to figure out what was going on with them. She thought it kind of nice that the pets were playing. The other Quatyl remained with their heads sticking out from under the furniture and watched the action. For the most part, they were confused by what they were watching. James stepped forward and announced, "Never fear, Superwriter is here. I specialize in foiling the plans of evil super-villains!" Nancy was about to answer when the doorbell rang. Cubby ran under the couch. James said, "Ah! That must be the evil super- villain now!" He walked to the door and swung it open. Without a hint of embarrassment, James struck the Superman pose. Joe and Katie stood there staring at him. James grinned and called back to Nancy, "Is this the evil super-villain who has come to threaten you?" "No, that's my brother and his wife," Nancy said laughing at the look of shock on her brother's face. "Oh, sorry," James said turning to the couple at the door, "I thought you were door to door Bible salesmen come to threaten our house with a curse against sex and all kinds of other fun things." Joe slowly extended his hand and said, "Hello, I'm Joe." James grabbed the other man's hand and gave it a vigorous shake. He said, "Hi Joe. I'm James." Katie stood there staring at the famous author with a stunned expression on her face. He wasn't anything like she had imagined from reading his books. Then again, he did remind her a little of Dr. Dud. James turned to her and, in a very slow and deliberate manner, said, "Let's see. He's the male so that makes you the brother. Nope, that's not right. He's the brother so that makes you his wife. Have I got that right?" "Uh-huh," she answered looking over at her husband for help. After a second, she asked, "Did you know you have a towel tied around your neck?" "Oh yes," James answered. He winked at Joe and said, "I got all dressed to propose to Joe's sister, but you got here before I was able to pop the question." "Oh," she said wondering what wearing a towel tied around his neck had to do with proposing. She looked over to see the stunned expression on Nancy's face. James lifted her off the ground and swung her to and fro in a great big bear hug. In a very excited voice, he said, "If she says yes, then we'll be related. Won't that be fun?" "Uh-huh." ------- Chapter 8 Once James released her, Katie scooted over to her husband and pulled his arm around her. She looked up at her husband for protection. In a shocked voice, she said, "He's crazy." It had taken Nancy a moment to recover from the shock of hearing that James was going to propose to her. She didn't realize that she was still on her knees in the begging position she had taken before the doorbell rang. Looking at her sister-in-law, she burst out laughing. It took her almost a minute to recover. Finally, she said, "You caught us in a playful mood. We were just having a little fun when you rang." Joe was wondering what kind of kook his sister had hooked up with. Still standing on the porch, he leaned in and asked, "You were playing?" Looking a little more serious, James removed the cape and stepped back. His action may not have altered their opinion of him, but he did look a bit more normal. Winking over at Nancy, he said, "Come on in, you two. No need to stand out there like Jehovah Witnesses." "Come in. He doesn't bite," Nancy said and, after a slight pause, added, "much." The couple stepped into the house. Katie made sure that her husband kept his arm around her. Seeing how closely she stood to her husband, James knew he had blown her mind. He said, "Nancy was just saying that you are a fan of mine." "I was," Katie answered slowly. "Good. I like hearing that past tense," James said with a smile of relief. This looked like one evening saved from the attentions of a fan who asked about every little detail of his books. Seeing the surprised expression on her face, he said, "Now you can get to know me and not the author." "Oh," Joe said looking over at Nancy trying to judge by her reaction if James was being honest. His sister looked like she was having way too much fun with this situation. That was often a bad sign for his emotional state. That didn't keep him from relaxing a little. James led them over to the couch and, after gesturing to it, said, "Have a seat." While the couple sat down, James went over to where Nancy was still kneeling. He held out a hand and helped her rise from the floor. She continued to hold his hand once she was standing. Pulling him with her, she went over to her sister-in-law and hugged her with one arm. Grinning at the looks her sister-in-law was giving James, she said, "Hello, Katie. What do you think of James?" "I'm not sure," Katie answered continuing to stare in the direction of the famous author. "I'm sorry about the greeting at the door. We really were playing around when you rang and, well, he was just having a little fun with you," Nancy said. She was convinced that her sister-in-law would never forget that introduction. "So was he proposing to you?" Joe asked. "I hadn't quite gotten to that point, but I was rapidly approaching it," James answered. "Really?" Nancy asked turning to face him and biting her lower lip. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a jewelry case. Turning to Nancy, he tied the towel around his neck. Taking the heroic stance, he said, "My plan to foil the evil super-villain is to make you my wife. No evil super-villain will risk the wrath of Superwriter by attacking his wife. Will you agree to be part of my master plan?" "Oh yes, Superwriter. I agree to be part of your plan," Nancy answered staring at the diamond ring. This was not exactly the kind of proposal that she had dreamed about, but it was exactly what she had come to expect from him. She giggled at the idea of how his publisher or agent would react if they were here to see it. "Gosh! That's so neat! Let's kiss!" James said after slipping the ring on her finger. He stepped back into his superhero pose. It was so obvious that he was playing around that even Katie giggled at the sight. Laughing, Nancy flowed into his arms and kissed him. The Quatyl, fearing the worst, immediately ran from the room. Too often kisses turned into more intimate activities and that led to them laying eggs. They weren't taking any chances. The unexpected sight of eight small animals fleeing the room provoked a scream from Katie. She climbed up on the couch and pointed toward the hallway where the Quatyl had run. Convinced that she had entered a crazy house, she shouted, "What were those things?" Breaking their kiss, Nancy guessed what had happened. In a lighthearted voice, she said, "Those were the Quatyl." "The what-el?" Joe asked looking confused. "The Quatyl," James answered removing the towel now that the proposal was over. Turning to face the hallway, James called out, "Hey, you critters can come out here. We're not going to have sex. We want you to meet Nancy's family." Katie looked at James when he mentioned the bit about sex. Joe asked, "Sex?" "They don't like it when we have sex," Nancy said thinking it was weird talking about that in front of her brother. With a pained looked on his face, Joe raised a hand, palm out to Nancy, and said, "Too much information." A minute later, the eight Quatyl entered the living room looking around cautiously. Katie stared at the little animals for a full five seconds. She squealed and said, "They are so cute!" Nancy said, "They are, aren't they?" After a nice quiet dinner, Joe and Katie were seated on the couch while James and Nancy were seated on the loveseat. Joe had Scar on his lap and Katie was petting Face. Both Quatyl were purring. Running a hand along Scar's back, Joe said, "These are wonderful animals." "I'm glad you like them," James said thinking that the couple had just adopted the pair even if they didn't know it yet. He reached down and petted Scout; evoking a loud purr from it. "So you found them when you were down in Mexico?" Katie asked. Nancy had mentioned that he had found them while working on his last book. "Yes," James answered. Realizing that it wasn't quite an accurate description of what happened, he added, "Actually, it was more like they found me. I was working away on the computer when Scout appeared at the door of the cabin. I tried to scare him off. When he didn't run off, I let him in and, well, the rest is history." Katie was silent for a minute and then asked, "Do you think their sudden appearance has anything to do with that spaceship that crashed in Central America?" "I doubt it. That was almost two hundred miles away from where I was staying," James answered. Scout raised his head and looked over at Katie. "They said that it was filled with all kinds of unusual animals," Nancy said. Face listened carefully to what Nancy was saying. She was kind of proud that her pet was putting together an accurate picture of what happened. "There was a big centaur creature that was discovered not too far from my cabin. It had been dead for a week or so before they discovered it. If it was from that crash and it took that long to make it that far, I doubt these little fellows could make that trip in the same amount of time. These little critters aren't really built for speed," James said. If Scout could have snorted, he would have. He wondered why his beast didn't think that they might have ridden out of the swamp on the back of the Gnord. "You're probably right," Joe said. "It was probably just a co-incidence that you discovered them in the same area where that Centaur was found," Katie said. She leaned down and kissed the Quatyl on the top of its head. She cooed, "These Quatyl are just so cute. I love them." Having heard what Katie had said, it was obvious that their attempt to adopt a pet was succeeding. Scar wanted a chance to discuss the adoption of the pet with the other members of the crew. There were significant consequences to success. Scar rose and wiggled a little. Noticing his movement, Nancy said, "Joe, I think he wants down." "Oh," Joe said. He gently put the little animal on the ground. Scar moved a few feet away and then stopped to see if the other Quatyl would follow him. Understanding what he wanted, Face performed the same little rise and wiggle maneuver. Reluctantly, Katie set Face down on the floor. The pair of them headed towards the kitchen and stopped to look back at the dens from which the others were watching. The other four Quatyl followed them out of the room. Responding to cues from the animals on their laps, James and Nancy set Scout and Cubby on the floor. The pair raced off to the kitchen. Having watched what was going on, Katie asked, "What are they doing?" "They probably just want to eat a little something. They like it when you leave out food for them," Nancy answered. "They might want to play," James said. "Why not play here?" Katie asked. Nancy answered, "They play this little game in the kitchen where they jump around on the tiles. It is really kind of cute. We haven't figured out if there are rules or not, but they enjoy it." Joe said, "It sounds like you really enjoy having them as pets." "You bet. They really are the perfect pet. They are very well behaved and aren't overly active. We've had almost a hundred of them in here and not one of them ever destroyed anything in the house. They don't eat much, just a little baby food. They aren't really too demanding of your time and, somehow, they know when not to bother you. Really, they are very clever little critters," James said. "How do you think they would be with children?" "Actually, I'm more worried about the children hurting them. They are completely defenseless. They don't have claws or teeth so they can't protect themselves by biting or scratching," Nancy answered. "They sure are cute," Katie said with a sigh. She was wondering if they could take one of the Quatyl home with them. "I agree with you on that," James said. He caught Nancy looking down at the ring on her finger. He put an arm around her and drew her close to him. She sighed and relaxed against him. Looking over at James, Katie asked, "So what are you working on?" "Oh, I was putting together the outline for another Dr. Dud story," James answered with a wink at Nancy. She giggled. "What's it going to be about?" "Dr. Dud is going to marry Bee Reste. Together they will have a son by the name of Arthur Dud. This book is going to be a set up for my masterpiece," James answered. Katie was quiet for a moment and then burst out laughing. She said, "I love it. The wife's name is Breasty." "I was going to make her middle name Ann," James said. "So after she's married, her name becomes Bee A. Dud," Katie said with a laugh. Listening to the exchange, Joe shook his head in wonder. He asked, "How do you come up with those kinds of things?" "Like Katie said when she came in the house, I'm crazy," James said with a grin. "You said that you were creating the set up for your greatest masterpiece?" Joe asked. Knowing where James was going to take the discussion, Nancy said, "You know that your publisher will never let you include the raccoon." "Raccoon?" Joe asked looking confused. James asked, "Have you ever wondered what noise a raccoon makes when it has an orgasm?" "I imagine that it is a chirrup kind of sound," Joe answered surprised by the question. "You are not going to have Arthur Dud rescue a raccoon and have his way with it," Nancy said rolling her eyes at him. She wished she had a camera to capture the expression on her brother's face. Laughing at the image that flashed through her mind, Katie said, "That's too funny. You know, they like to wash their food before they eat. That has a lot of potential." "You were right. She's a true fan," James said with a grin. The Quatyl had gathered in the kitchen. Leac and Lear were walking around on the floor spelling out their conversation. Leac said, 'I want to adopt Joe.' Lear said, 'I want to adopt Katie.' 'So?' Stac asked. He was not the only one of the Quatyl to wonder why they were taking the time to announce it now. Taking over the floor, Lear said, 'We have to decide now.' 'Why?' Stac asked. Leac answered, 'Katie and Joe will not stay here much longer. You know that.' Lear said, 'We will have to leave with them when they go. We have to start their training.' Getting angry at having two members of the crew threatening to leave, Atac said, 'We need to stay together.' 'Why?' Ceac asked, 'Our ship has been destroyed. We are stuck here on this planet.' Cear said, 'We're going to find a pet and leave one of these days. We can't rely on your pets taking care of us forever.' Looking from face to face, Atar could not believe that the original crew was breaking up. She said, 'We are still on a mission.' The reminder of the mission depressed Atac. He moved onto the floor and said, 'Atar, they are right. The mission has been a failure. We aren't leaving this planet and they do need to consider their survival. That goes for Ceac, Cear, Stac, and Star, as well.' 'I'm going to miss you Lear and Leac," Star said once she accepted the inevitability of their leaving. Moving slowly across the floor to spell out her message, Lear said, 'Oh, my friend Star. I'm going to miss you too.' Joe and Katie left taking Scar and Face with them. The other Quatyl had gathered by the door and watched their crewmates leave. They were a subdued and quiet lot. Giving up the children had been hard, but that was the Quatyl way. Giving up friends with whom they had gone through miserable times was even harder. James and Nancy stood at the open door and waved farewell to their guests. When the car pulled away, James said, "I'm going to miss Scar and Face." "Me too," Nancy said. She looked down at the Quatyl as they slowly made their way to their individual dens. She said, "I think the other Quatyl will miss them too." "Yeah," James said turning to watch them slink under their chairs. Nancy didn't want the night to end on such a sour note. She smiled at the thought of what she had planned for that evening. Turning to James, she asked, "Would you mind taking the cups out to the kitchen? I'll wash them in the morning." "No problem," James said looking around at the minor mess created by entertaining. Coffee cups and desert plates were set haphazardly on the coffee table. Thinking that the work would do him some good, he bent over and picked up two of the cups on saucers and headed out to the kitchen. When he had left the room, Nancy bent down towards the floor. In a soft voice, she said, "You guys might want to make yourself scarce for a while. I'm going to take him in the bedroom for a little sex." The three pairs of Quatyl stuck their heads out from under the chairs and looked up at Nancy. Deciding that they needed to know where the action was going to take place, she added, "We'll be in the bedroom." There was a visible reaction to her announcement. The Quatyl relaxed and returned to their dens. They would move to the farthest corner of the house when James headed towards the bedroom. After walking into the bedroom, Nancy went to the closet and removed the Genii costume she had purchased. She put it on and said, "You made all of my wishes come true this evening, Mr. James Leonard Foster. Tonight, I'm going to make a few of yours come true." The night ended with James and Nancy being very happy. It was a very nice night in which no hair was pulled, pubic or otherwise, no heads knocked, and no mistaking of the navel with a nipple. Of course, the fake emerald gemstone in Nancy's navel may have had a little to do with that later condition. Although not nearly so happy, the Quatyl were relieved to have been given the warning. Time passed with Nancy and James getting married in a traditional ceremony. By that time, all of the Quatyl with the exception of Scout and Cubby had been adopted by other family members. Within three years of their marriage, the young couple had two fine upstanding children, Bee and Arthur, although many wondered how they could have possibly given their children those names. The spaceship that had been discovered in Central America helped propel the world into a new space age. The engines and computers had been reverse engineered. The star maps had been extracted from the computers and input into the new ones developed on Earth. New sensors had been developed. The material sciences had advanced. Spaceships, visible as bright dots, became a common sight in the night sky. Arthur grew up to be a structural engineer specializing in space structures. The great project being developed when he graduated from college was a space station at the edge of the solar system. It was to be the last structure on the way to the vast unknown space outside the solar system. The official name was St. Louis in honor of the gateway to the west. Arthur had the great fortune of helping to design the structure. The effort lasted the first few years of his career and established him as an internationally known engineer. It was followed by an effort to create a new spacecraft capable of navigating deep space. Arthur was fortunate to be named the lead engineer on that project. Much to the consternation of her brother, Bee grew up with the same sense of humor possessed by her father. It manifested whenever it was the most embarrassing for him. After hearing about her father's proposal to her mother, Bee kept a small scarf in her purse at all times in case there was ever a need for the Daughter of Superwriter. She had embarrassed her brother many times with that cape, particularly in front of new girlfriends. With the passage of time, Nancy and James grew old and died of natural causes. Scout and Cubby went to live with Bee. By the time the pair of Quatyl died of old age, there were almost a million Quatyl distributed across the world. The numbers were still growing at an enormous rate. There were some interesting consequences as a result of the introduction of Quatyl to Humanity. People had separated into two camps, those who were accepted by the Quatyl and those who weren't. Those who were accepted by the Quatyl didn't trust those who were not. It seemed to people that Quatyl were extraordinary judges of character. For almost forty years, not one prisoner in jail had ever owned a Quatyl or, at least, a Quatyl that didn't growl at them. Membership in the camp of those who were accepted by the Quatyl didn't really require that the person own one; just that a Quatyl wouldn't growl in their presence. No one really understood how the Quatyl formed their judgments. It just worked out that the little animals didn't like people who had selfish or criminal natures. The Quatyl didn't even understand how they could assess the character of a person so easily. With time, Quatyl become more than just pets. Many companies kept Quatyl in their personnel departments. Folks who were growled at by the Quatyl were seldom hired. There wasn't much that the person could do to change the minds of those who trusted the judgment of the Quatyl. Things changed for the Quatyl as well. While animal behaviorists argued that the Quatyl had no language skills beyond that of parrots, everyone else knew otherwise. The Quatyl loved to communicate using toy blocks with the letters of the alphabet on them. More than one lonely person had spent the night having long drawn out conversations with their Quatyl. The topics were actually quite varied and sometimes included engineering concepts. A few people even built the devices suggested by the Quatyl. Those that did so found that they were exceptionally rich as a result. Scientists often scoffed at those claims and suggested that illegal substances had to have been involved to produce such realistic hallucinations. The average pet store had whole lines of products devoted for Quatyl. There were little habitats lined with lead that seemed to give them respite when couples had sex. There was even a self flushing toilet that could be used by the Quatyl. That was a particularly popular item with Quatyl owners. Other products included car seats, carry alls, and gourmet foods. There was one toy that every Quatyl couple had to have. This was a small rectangular board with sixteen strange symbols painted on the front of it. People noticed that the Quatyl would take turns running from symbol to symbol in what appeared to be a tremendously complex game. Some folks suggested that they were actually talking to each other using the board, but the experts disagreed. As strange as the game appeared to people, that had to take a backseat to the Quatyl fondness for guinea pigs. It was often commented that happiest Quatyl couples were those who lived in a household with the little rodents. It seemed to most people that the guinea pigs were happy as well since they were always making little squeaking noises. For the Quatyl, the slight improvement in their standard of living made their time on Earth barely tolerable. For the majority of them, they no longer had to squat over the ground like mindless animals. Couples could talk to each other using either the letter board or a guinea pig, although the later was preferred. Individual Quatyl, using the knowledge imprinted while in the egg, worked hard to train their pets to take even better care of them. It was a long slow process, but there were advances every year. The hardest part was training the pet to pay attention to their attempts to communicate. ------- Chapter 9 It was seventy years after the Quatyl found James and the world was a very different place. Almost every highly driven person of good moral character owned a Quatyl. The most adventurous of them went to space. Everyone who went into space took their Quatyl with them. Among those highly driven people was the grandson of James Leonard Foster. His mother, Bee Kamp, had named her son James Foster Kamp in honor of her famous father. James Foster Kamp entered the space station, St. Louis, with his gear slung over one shoulder and his Quatyl tucked into the bag strung across his chest. The Quatyl had its head sticking out to watch the activity. His wife, Ann, stepped into the station behind him with her gear and Quatyl. When James stopped, Ann asked, "Do you see him?" "I don't see him, but Uncle Arthur said he'd meet us here," James answered looking at the small audience who had gathered to watch the shuttle disembark. He was searching for the uncle he had never met. "We better clear the hatch before the Steward yells at us," Ann said gesturing to a rather pompous looking man in a uniform. "Oh sorry," James said while stepping out of the way of the people behind them. Four other members of their crew flowed out of the hatch relieved at getting out of the small shuttlecraft that had brought them from the Jupiter station. "Is that him?" Ann asked pointing to a man who was waving. "Yes. Are you ready to meet my uncle?" James asked with a great big grin. He had been waiting for this moment ever since he had learned that he was going to the space station. "I guess. Your mother warned me that he doesn't have much of a sense of humor," Ann said worried about how he would react to James. Bee Kamp had described Arthur as a particularly dour man who didn't know how to smile. She found it rather hard to believe that the son of James Foster didn't have a good sense of humor. "Did you bring the cape?" James asked with an even bigger grin than before. "Yes, your mom wouldn't let me leave without it," Ann said rolling her eyes. The cape apparently had some family significance of which she wasn't fully aware. James reached into his pocket and pulled out a large scarf. He tied it around his neck so that it hung down his back and while rubbing his hands together excitedly said, "Let's go meet my uncle!" "Okay," Ann said wondering if it was really such a great idea for him to wear the cape. She could just picture him getting sent back to Earth for being mentally unstable. The last thing you wanted on a space station or a space ship was a crazy man. "Hey, put on your cape," James said noticing that she hadn't put on her cape. "Next time," Ann said. She wasn't quite confident enough in herself to pull off her introduction to everyone on the space station wearing a toy cape. "Okay," James said feeling a little disappointed, but not disappointed enough to prevent him from taking off to meet his uncle. Ann followed behind James shaking her head. There were times when his humor was just as likely to get him into trouble as out of it. More than one person stopped to watch him when he passed. A rather large crowd followed him down the hallway to where his uncle was waiting. She had to admit that there was something special about a person who could walk through a crowd of strangers wearing a cape without acting embarrassed. James stopped in front of his uncle and adopted the Superman pose. In a deep loud voice, he said, "Greetings Uncle Arthur. Have no fear, I am here. Yes, I, Super-spaceman, and my wife, Super- spacewoman, have come to protect you from the evil intergalactic hordes on their way to ravage our solar system!" "Oh God! You're just like your mother," Arthur exclaimed holding his hands over his ears. A dozen of the people in the area broke out into laughter. Most of them worked with Arthur and had been expecting such a scene. The space faring population was small and stories had a tendency to live for a long time. One of the most widely repeated stories told of how Arthur's sister had shown up at the spaceport when he left Earth wearing a cape and promising that Supersister would come save him if he ever got into trouble. Money changed hands as bets were settled. "Thank you. She's my role model, you know," James said provoking a groan from his uncle. "Take it off," Arthur said pointing to the scarf. He didn't even want to look at it despite knowing that this was another story that was going to live longer than he would. Grinning, James removed the scarf. After folding it, he put it back in his pocket. Winking at Ann, he said, "Mom says hello." "I leave the solar system and that damned cape follows me out here," Arthur said shaking his head. He turned to look at Ann and said, "You have my condolences for having to put up with him. How you manage it, I'll never know. I had to live with his mother for eighteen years and, as soon as I could, I left. I've been running away from her ever since then." Ann laughed at the theatric manner in which Arthur had protested and said, "He kind of grows on you." "I guess I can understand that. It's kind of like a wart. They grow on you too," Arthur replied while shaking his head sadly. Not expecting the reply, Ann burst out into laughter. She turned to James and said, "Hey wart, he's got you figured out." "I'm crushed," James said laughing. Arthur smiled and said, "I can't call you Super-spacewoman for the rest of your stay on the St. Louis." "I'm Ann." "Nice to meet you Ann. Let's leave this guy behind and get a drink," Arthur said. One change that had occurred over time was that many businesses had created little rooms where Quatyl could play while their owners were busy. These were called Quatyl Playrooms and the Quatyl could be quite insistent on being allowed to visit them. These rooms always had that funny little game that Quatyl enjoyed playing. Most also had the highly desired guinea pigs. The Quatyl Playroom on the space station St. Louis was located down the hall from the bar. It was well provisioned with a dozen guinea pigs. Arthur led James and Ann to it so they could drop off their Quatyl into the Quatyl playroom. James pulled his Quatyl out of the pouch and petted it for a couple of seconds. Squatting down, he said, "You have a good time, Starman." Ann knelt beside him and set her Quatyl on the floor after petting it. She said, "You have a good time, Stardust." The pair of Quatyl turned to make sure that their pets were okay before running to the center of the Playroom. James watched his Quatyl start the dance at the game board shaking his head. It always started out the same, but diverged according to some rules that he could never understand. Arthur watched the Quatyl play and said, "That's a nice looking pair of Quatyl you have there." "Thanks, Uncle Arthur. Scout and Cubby are Starman's parents. Fuzzy and Wuzzy are the parents of Stardust," James said. "What happened to Scout and Cubby after Dad died?" Arthur asked. He had heard that his sister had taken them in, but didn't know what had happened after that. "Mom adopted them," James answered. The other Quatyl in the room listened to the discussion among the three beasts with interest. It was generally acknowledged that pets were often good at providing introductions for their owners. Not only did they provide the names, but often the birth records for them. Once James and Ann left, Stardust went over to the board and introduced herself as Starman's mate. It was a formality that was always executed regardless of any introduction that was made by the pets. Introductions were always made using the letter board on the floor even when guinea pigs were available. One of the Quatyl controlled a guinea pig to ask, 'What brings you here?' Using a guinea pig, Stardust answered, 'We are here to fly on the new spaceship.' Her answer caused a commotion among the other Quatyl as they fought over control of the guinea pigs. This was the first chance that they had to learn more about the mission of since the Quatyl who were to serve on the ship had been taken directly to the ship. When the riot finally quieted down, Starman said, 'My pet is installing the sensors and will operate them during the voyage.' 'My pet is calibrating the communications gear and will serve as communications officer on board the ship, ' Stardust said. 'Do you think you'll meet up with other Quatyl?" 'Space is big, ' Starman said giving the stock answer to that question. 'It would be nice if you do. Although I've never seen one, it would be great to get a Slathern, ' said one of the Quatyl. It was the great hope of the Quatyl that they would finally be able to talk to their pets. 'You can say that again.' Arthur stood when his wife, Emily, approached the table at the bar. Seeing his uncle stand, James stood as well. Emily arrived at the table and took one look at the expression on Arthur's face. Knowing that Arthur would tell her all of the details about the meeting at the gate, she put a finger over his mouth to keep him from talking and said, "I heard all about it." "It doesn't take long for a story like that to make it around the station," Arthur said feeling crushed that he wouldn't get a chance to tell the story. "Evil intergalactic hordes -- I like that. Arthur definitely needs protection from them," Emily said with a grin. Arthur rolled his eyes. He'd been asked how many evil intergalactic hordes were after him by almost everyone who worked under him. James pointed to the television and said, "Hey, look at that handsome devil!" Arthur turned in time to see James' approach and introduction play out on the station television channel. He groaned and covered his head with his hands. Grinning at the television, Emily said, "There's something wrong with the color. Poor Arthur looks positively green." "You did it this time, James. That's going to be broadcast on every station, asteroid hut, and moon habitat in space," Ann said. Out of everyone she knew, only James would be able to pull it off without being embarrassed. "Yes, isn't that great," James said polishing his nails on his shirt in obvious pride. "You're just like your mother," Emily said reaching over to hug James. "Ah, that reminds me," James said. He reached over to his duffle bag and pulled out an old fashioned book and a movie chip. He handed them over to his uncle and said, "Mom finally got granddad's last book published. They've already made a movie out of it. She wanted you to have copies of them." Tears welling up in his eyes, Arthur looked down at the cover of the book. The famous character, Rachel Yoon, was shown on the cover. After years of hearing about the raccoon, the story had come to represent his father. The tattooed mask around Rachel's eyes proclaimed her identity as the secretive artist known as Raccoon. He said, "I knew they finally published the Son of Dr. Dud story, but I haven't read it yet. I heard so many variations of the story growing up that I've been afraid to read the final version." Emily laughed and said, "I'll never forget the first time I met your father. The very first question he asked me was what sound a raccoon makes when it has an orgasm." "What did you answer?" "I asked him whether he meant a male, female, or hermaphroditic raccoon," Emily answered provoking a laugh from James and Ann. She had been a great fan of James Foster and had expected an off the wall question from him. Of course, Arthur had mentioned the great raccoon concept to her. "Even dad was surprised by the answer. That's when I knew I was going to marry her. Anyone who could leave Dad speechless is a national treasure," Arthur said patting his wife on her arm. Pointing at her husband, Ann asked, "Emily, how did you get along with his mom?" "I love her. She's got a great sense of humor. Almost as good as Arthur's," Emily answered. Arthur asked, "So what brings you out here?" Shrugging his shoulders, James answered, "I developed the sensors for use in the starship. The couple they had lined up to install and operate them on this mission backed out at the last minute. The owner of the starship offered Ann and me the chance to take their place. We jumped at the chance." "That was five days ago," Ann said. The Quatyl turned to watch the television in the Playroom. When the episode with James greeting his Uncle was aired, one of the Quatyl said, 'He reminds me of the first pet.' James Foster had never known it, but all Quatyl descended from the original eight had memories of him that had been passed down through the implanting process. He and Nancy were the only two humans of which that could be said. It wasn't until the Quatyl had spread across the planet that they realized how lucky all of them were that James was the first contact. 'Yes, ' Starman said taking pride in the comment. 'You two must be tired after your long trip out here, ' one of the Quatyl said. 'We are, ' Stardust answered. 'Get some rest and we'll talk later. The den in front of you is free.' Starman said, 'Thanks.' Quarters aboard the space station were not luxurious by any means. The clothes locker, which ran the length of the room, doubled as a fairly uncomfortable couch. Since ninety percent of all spare personnel were married, every room pretended to have a double bed. To save space, the back of the couch unfolded to form the double bed leaving just enough room to make it to bathroom. The bathroom was shared with three other rooms. One wall at the end of the couch had a panel that folded down to make a table. The room was designed with the understanding that people would not spend much time in them. One end of the storage locker served as a den for the Quatyl. Unlike the rest of the furnishings in the room which were made of a very strong plastic, the den was lead lined. This was to avoid a population explosion of Quatyl. Considering the closeness of quarters and the frequent couplings of their pets, the Quatyl spent most of their time in it. Of course, accidents happened and there were always young Quatyl searching for pets to adopt. James entered the room and looked around. It was the same as every place they had lived since leaving Earth. Looking over at Ann, he said, "Spacious, isn't it?" "Reminds me of our first apartment," Ann replied with a smile. James knelt down and put Starman on the floor. It took Starman two seconds to locate the den. He waited for Ann to put down Stardust. The pair of Quatyl scampered off to the den to finish their sleep. Later they would go into the bathroom to meet their neighbors. James said, "I'm looking forward to getting on board the ship. The plans show the living quarters to be twice the size of these." "What will we do with all of that room?" Ann asked rolling her eyes. She'd believe it when she saw it. "I'm pretty sure that it will be small after we've been out there for ten years," James answered shaking his head. A ten year trip out was necessary just to explore a minor fraction of the nearby region of space. He wasn't sure how they were going to last ten years in the close quarters of a ship. It was a long time to be cut off from the rest of humanity. At least there would be the shakedown flight of one year to see how well people could manage that long away from civilization. "Ten years," Ann said shaking her head. She loved her husband, but ten years cooped up in a small ship was a long time. "Are you worried?" he asked. "A little," Ann admitted. The psychologists back on Earth had given the problem of a small crew living together for an extended period of time in a confined space a lot of thought. The psychologists had tried to identify what would allow them to function at the highest levels of competence possible without killing each other. None of the crew members were really aware of what solution had been designed for them. "I wouldn't worry about it," James said. There was a knock on the door to their room. Surprised at having a visitor, James said, "I'll get it." A man wearing a rather impressive uniform was standing at the door when James opened it. Looking at James, the man said, "You and your wife were supposed to be taken directly to the ship. Pack up and be there in two hours." "Who are you?" James asked thinking his uncle was playing a trick on him. The man at the door was dressed up like a glorified bell captain in a fancy hotel. "I'm Captain Klein of the Starship Explorer." "Really?" James asked looking skeptically at the Captain. Captain Klein frowned at the question. He answered, "Yes, I am." "Are you sure you're not the bell captain of this here space station?" James asked looking at the man. Being a civilian didn't mean that he wasn't familiar with military uniforms, but he didn't recognize this particular uniform. There wasn't a space navy and the ship had been built by an international consortium of companies. As far as he knew, this was a civilian mission. Captain Klein's expression turned from a frown to a glare in a microsecond. The change in expression was sufficiently fast and angry that James began to doubt his original hypothesis concerning the identity of the man at his door. Captain Klein said, "If I didn't need your expertise I'd leave you here. Get your bags and get on the ship." "Sorry, Captain. I thought my uncle was playing a joke on me," James said trying to undo the damage he had done. "I don't have a sense of humor," Captain Klein said still glaring at James. "Really? Then what's with the uniform?" James asked trying to make a joke. This was supposed to be a civilian operation and he wasn't aware that there had been any uniforms designed for the members of the bridge. "This is my uniform from the Royal Navy of the Netherlands," Captain Klein answered. The vein in his forehead throbbed. "I had no idea that hotel bell captains adopted the Dutch Royal Navy uniform as their costume," James said shaking his head in wonder. He turned to his wife and asked, "Did you know that?" "Sir, you are insulting me," Captain Klein said. Trying to prevent certain disaster, Ann said, "James, I don't think the Captain of a Starship appreciates being compared to a bell captain of a hotel." "I'm not comparing him to a bell captain. I'm only talking about his costume," James said trying to adopt an innocent expression. When Ann rolled her eyes, he was pretty sure that his expression hadn't looked all that innocent. "I am a Captain in the Royal Navy of the Netherlands. I have been given command of the Starship Explorer for the maiden voyage and, as Captain, I will wear my uniform," the Captain explained. Rubbing his chin, James said, "I thought that this was a civilian mission." "It is," Captain Klein said trying hard to keep control of his temper. He wondered how long he would tolerate this man on his ship before ejecting him out the airlock. "Then why are you wearing a military uniform?" James asked. Ann was trying to get him to stop, but he thought it was a reasonable question considering the circumstances. Barely restraining his anger, Captain Klein answered, "We are going into uncharted space. The United Nations felt that we should go prepared to defend ourselves in the event that we encounter hostile aliens. Furthermore, they felt that control of the weapons and fighters should be under the command of a member of the military." "That makes sense. Now that I think about it, I believe that having you dressed up like that is going to bring an air of dignity to the bridge of our little space barge," James said with a smile. He hadn't realized that their ship would be armed. "I run a tight ship and I will not tolerate any insubordination on the bridge. Do you understand me," Captain Klein said irritated that his ship was being called a barge. He hated working with civilians. "I understand you and agree whole heartedly. I don't think you should tolerate any insubordination on the bridge either," James said nodding his head. Ann nodded her head and said, "Captain Klein, when James is working he's all business. You don't have to worry about any problems from him on that matter." Relaxing a little, the man said, "Good." "I would like to help contribute to the dignity of the bridge myself, but I don't have a uniform. Do you think I should wear my Super- spaceman cape?" Captain Klein stared at James recalling the video that had been playing on the station's television. He had watched the video concentrating more on the victim of the joke than on the perpetrator of the joke. Groaning, he said, "You're the joker who came on board the station wearing the cape!" "That's right. I'm James Foster Kamp and this lovely lady here is my wife, Ann. She has a cape too," James said gesturing to his wife. ------- Chapter 10 Captain Klein watched James at work installing the sensors. He hadn't believed that Ann was telling the truth when she had said that James would be all business at work. He was taken by surprise when the man put in sixteen hour days installing and testing the sensor systems. Ann was just as dedicated to her work in setting up the communications equipment. When James was off duty, Captain Klein did his best to steer clear of the guy. More than once he had been tempted to toss the man out of the airlock. The last time had been when James had challenged a rather naïve young man to a game of zero gravity hop scotch. The young man hadn't realized that when he hopped that there was no coming down. After bouncing off the ceiling, the floor, and the walls several times in succession, the young man finally grabbed one of the emergency loops and stopped. Battered and bruised by his collisions, the young man was much less naïve about zero gravity. Much to his dismay, the Captain learned that zero gravity hop scotch had turned into a rite of passage for all zero-g newbies. After wiggling a connector under the console, the screen at the front of the bridge suddenly came on. James emerged from under the console and looked at the screen with a smile. Patting the console, James said, "That's it baby, strut your stuff for daddy." "Do you have to talk to every machine you use?" the Captain asked. "Yes." Ann rolled her eyes and said, "It is a genetic thing." Turning to the Captain, James said, "All of the sensor systems are online, Captain. All I've got to do is calibrate them." Nodding his head, the Captain asked, "How long will that take?" "A week or so," James answered with a shrug of his shoulders. "Can't you be more specific?" James looked at the screen thoughtfully. There was a lot more shown on the screen than just the stars. There were all kinds of other bodies floating out in space that were being shown. He didn't know if it showed everything that was outside the ship or not. For all he knew, half of the stuff on the screen might not actually exist. He said, "No." "Why not?" "No one has ever done this before. I'm sure that I'll run into problems and there's no telling how long it will take to overcome them," James said. The more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that he might have been optimistic in saying that it would take a week. "Well, get to it," the Captain said recognizing it as an honest answer. James ran a hand over the console and said, "Okay baby, get ready to have your bits twiddled." ------- As couples joined the crew of the ship, they brought with them their Quatyl. While the crew was busy getting the starship ready for its maiden voyage, there wasn't much for their pets to do other than sit around. As a result, the Quatyl aboard the ship spent the majority of their time in the Quatyl Playroom. The Quatyl, Siegfried and Sofie, belonging to the Captain and his wife, Anke, had been on board for the longest time. Siegfried had taken it upon himself to serve as greeter for all new Quatyl. Starman and Stardust had staked out a den within the Quatyl Playroom. It was nearly time for their afternoon sleep when a man and a woman wearing uniforms entered with their Quatyl. They set the Quatyl on the floor and left after giving them one last petting. Starman looked at the pair of Quatyl and nudged Stardust. She looked at the new pair and got excited. The new pair of Quatyl moved to the pattern on the floor and introduced themselves as Fire and Ice. They were siblings with Starman and Stardust. Earning a dark look from Siegfried, Starman, using one of the guinea pigs, said, "Fire, I didn't expect to see you here." "Starman, it has been a long time," Fire said using the guinea pig. "Yes, it has. How is your pet?" Starman asked. "Our pets are pilots for the small craft on board this starship," Ice answered with pride. "Our pets are in communications and sensors," Stardust said with equal pride in the accomplishments of their pets. "It is good to see you again," Fire said before it got into a bragging session. Although not one of them would admit it, Quatyl had a tendency to brag about their pets. ------- Ken and Kim Williams opened the door to the bridge looking for the Captain. They were the hottest fighter pilots on Earth and had been the test pilots for the pair of fighters that were sitting in the hanger of the Starship Explorer. They had just come from dropping their Quatyl off at the Quatyl Playground and were reporting to the Captain. Looking around the bridge, Ken was waiting to see someone for permission to enter. Looking over at this wife, he said, "This is nice, but I don't think anyone is home." Wondering if he had heard correctly, James looked towards the door and burst out in a smile. He said, "Fire King! What are you doing here?" "Joker?" Ken asked surprised to hear James' voice. He had figured that he'd have to search for James back on the space station. He had seen the video of the meeting between James and his uncle. Having grown up with the stories about the superhero cape, he'd have been surprised if James had met his uncle without wearing one. "Where's Straight?" Kim asked knowing that if James was there that Ann had to be there as well. "Ice Queen!" Ann shouted excited at the prospect of spending time with her childhood friend. The four greeted each other with hugs and handshakes in the manner of friends long separated. The Captain arrived on the bridge in time to witness the greeting. He groaned at the idea of what friends of James and Ann would be like. He hoped that the couple wasn't the pair of fighter pilots he had just allowed aboard. James noticed the Captain and said, "Ah, Captain Klein. Some friends of ours are here." Ken looked at the Captain and said, "I see you're from the Royal Navy of the Netherlands." "Yes," the Captain said pleased that someone had at last recognized his uniform. Looking surprised, James said, "Hey, you recognized that uniform right off. I thought he was wearing a bell captain's costume." Kim laughed and asked, "You didn't tell him that; did you?" "Yes, I did," James said. "Joker, I swear that one of these days you're going to go too far," Kim said wondering how it was that James was still breathing air and not vacuum. "That's what I've been telling him," Ann said. Familiar with James' attitude about that matter, Ken said, "And he tells you that the alternative is going nowhere." "Right," Ann said. The Captain listened to the exchange with a feeling of dread. He asked, "You two aren't the fighter pilots, are you?" "Colonels Ken and Kim Williams, with call signs Fire King and Ice Queen, reporting for duty. We're your fighter pilots," Ken answered with a nod of his head. As equals in rank and belonging to different military services of different countries, there were some questions concerning saluting. "Ah, you're the hotshot pilots I was told would be joining us," the Captain said returning the nod. He would have preferred a salute, but wasn't going to insist upon it. Fire King and Ice Queen were well known for their skills as pilots. Fire King flew with a passion that bordered on recklessness while the Ice Queen flew with absolute control over her craft. He looked at the couple and, hating himself for having to do it, asked, "How is it that two know James and Ann?" "James and I grew up together," Ken answered. Their mothers had been friends and had gone through pregnancy together. The two young men had been next door neighbors since birth. They had done everything together, even entering the same college. They had double dated Ann and Kim their senior year. They had even married their wives upon graduation in a double ceremony. James and Ann had gone on to graduate school while Ken and Kim had gone into the military. "He's the funny one," James said wiggling his eyebrows. "Ann and I grew up together. We're practically sisters," Kim said. "She's the wild one," Ann said with a smile. The Captain wasn't too pleased to hear the causal characterization of the fighter pilots. Somehow, the prospect of having Ken and Kim on board didn't look quite as rosy as it had when he had read the files on them. James asked, "Hey, Fire King. Have you ever played zero gravity hop scotch?" "No and I'm not that stupid," Ken answered. He grinned and asked, "Have you ever tried to jump rope in zero gravity?" "No. It sounds like fun," James said with a laugh. Winking at Ann, James said, "I bet we can find a zero-g newbie who will show us how it is done." Nodding his head, Ken said, "Let's see who we can find." "No," Captain Klein said. ------- Beac read the report from the Dromat sensor specialist with dread. They had located the noisy planet that Leac had reported seventy- three thousand chronons earlier. Not one Quatyl ship had been in that area since the scout ship had disappeared. When it had disappeared without sending any kind of emergency signal, the Quatyl had gone into immediate hiding convinced that the scout ship had run into a dangerous species. The Quatyl had watched that region of space waiting for an invasion force. When nothing showed up to attack them, they were confused. They hadn't lost a scout ship in their entire history. The problem of what to do about the missing ship had been given to a Gnord. They didn't want three or four quick solutions to their problem, they wanted the best solution. The Gnord assigned the problem decided that they should send three ships to the area and approach the region of space very slowly. She thought they should keep two of the ships close enough that they could watch what happened, but far enough away that they stood a chance of escaping unnoticed if things went bad. It should be noted that all of the other servant races claimed to have come up with the same solution, but seventy thousand chronons earlier. Beac gave the command for the other two ships to stop while he moved forward at a low speed. He turned to his wife and, using a Slathern, said, 'I do not have a good feeling about this. This species is very noisy.' 'We're old and expendable, ' Bear said resigned her to fate. The whole crew was filled with geriatric Quatyl near the end of their lives. ------- Aboard the starship Explorer, James was busy calibrating the sensors. It required that they place a target out at various distances from the ship and measure it. Ken and Kim were taking turns being the target; using the sensors on their fighters to establish distances from the starship. Things were going well when James hit a little problem. His first reaction was to assume that there was an odd bug in the sensor processing software. The problem was that there was a reading of three objects twenty light years away that were heading in their direction. Actually, there were thousands of objects moving in all different directions, but those three were behaving oddly. They weren't traveling in inertial trajectories. In fact, they were moving to avoid colliding with other objects. He noticed that two of the objects suddenly stopped and moved off at an angle. Looking over his control panel, he replayed the recording of the sensor readings. Frowning, he decided that the sensor readings weren't the result of software bugs. He called Ken, "Fire King, can you turn and use your sensors to scan the co- ordinates that I'm sending you?" "Sure," Ken answered relieved to have something to do. It was rather boring sitting out in space doing nothing except serving as a calibration point. James waited while Ken turned his fighter to point in the appropriate direction. After a few minutes, James got confirmation from Ken, "There's something headed our way. It is just about out of my range." "Thanks. You and Kim should head back here. I'm done for the day," James said. He looked at the data he had downloaded from Ken's onboard computer. The agreement in the data suggested that his sensors were about as aligned as he could achieve until they were farther from the space station. The Captain had noticed the exchange between James and Ken. Wondering if there was a problem, he moved over to James's workstation. Without realizing that the Captain had approached him, James said, "Captain, could you come over here for a minute?" Concerned, the Captain asked, "What is it?" "Well, I never really realized just how much junk there is in space. I've been trying to make sure that every thing that shows up on the sensor system is supposed to be there. I was looking away from our solar system when I noticed three objects out there that weren't behaving normally," James said. That they would encounter aliens was practically a given considering that the entire space program owed its beginning to the discovery of the crashed remains of an alien craft in Mexico. Dreading the answer, Captain Klein asked, "Are they extraterrestrials?" "I believe so, Captain. Let me show you what we've got on them," James said. His fingers flew over his keyboard. The objects that were behaving abnormally were highlighted in red. Watching the odd behavior, the Captain said, "You're right. That's not normal. Did you check the sensor software to make sure that it wasn't some sort of artifact of processing?" "Yes. I also had Fire King check the co-ordinates to make sure that something was really there. His sensors confirmed the presence of some kind of body," James answered. "We're still in station," the Captain said wondering who was in charge of this first contact. ------- The excitement unleashed among the Quatyl upon learning that James had located a ship heading in their direction had resulted in six of seven guinea pigs losing their voices. Up until that moment, the idea that they might run into Quatyl had been wishful thinking. Suddenly, it looked like the Quatyl might just find a way back home. Stardust and Starman were sitting in their den watching one of the Quatyl speculate on how they could get their pets to take them along when they went to meet the other ship. Starman was of the opinion that if the ships got close enough, they could contact the Quatyl on board the other ship and have them send a Dromat to their ship since it was the closest in physiology with the humans. The best part of the plan was that the Dromat could carry a Slathern with it. The Quatyl would finally be able to communicate with their pets. The Slathern could easily produce the kinds of sounds that were made by humans. The Quatyl dancing around on the floor finished suggesting that they get the humans to take them along using the same strategy that had been used to get James Foster to take them to his home. Starman slowly made his way to the alphabet board. He jumped from letter to letter saying, 'We wait until the other ship is close enough to use their Slathern to explain the situation to them. We ask that they send a Dromat with a Slathern to this ship." Using the last guinea pig capable of speaking, Siegfried asked, 'Who will contact them?' Starman looked at Siegfried for a moment and then answered, 'You.' ------- James watched the navigator set course to intercept the approaching space ship. The Captain was tense as he gave the orders to move away from the space station. This was the maiden voyage of the Starship Explorer and no one was actually confident that it was fully functional. The pilot used the chemical engines to maneuver the ship away from the space station. It was a long and slow process. After what seemed like forever, the ship was two kilometers away from the space station. The pilot said, "We have achieved separation." Looking around the bridge, the Captain could see the tension on everyone's faces. He said, "Start the star drive." Expecting a very large bang followed immediately by oblivion, everyone cringed when the star drive came on. When there wasn't a bang, everyone breathed a sigh of relief. There was a low vibration suggesting that a huge amount of power was just waiting to be released. "Engage the star drive and head out on intercept course," Captain Klein ordered from his chair. "Heading to intercept," the pilot said working the controls. He moved the control for the star drive to the first setting unsure what would happen. James, like the Captain, was watching the large screen at the front of the bridge. There was no sensation of movement and the screen didn't appear to change. People started looking around at each other with doubtful expressions. After a minute, he asked, "Are we moving?" "You tell me," the Captain answered. He'd been wondering exactly the same thing. Surprised by the answer his sensors were telling him, James answered, "We've moved twenty thousand kilometers from the space station already. We're moving at a thousandth the speed of light." "Smooth," the Captain answered commenting on the lack of any sense of motion. He looked at the screen and asked, "So why is nothing moving on the screen?" "I guess it is because space is big. We've hardly moved at all in terms of scale of our surroundings," James answered. The Captain said, "I thought you had frozen the screen on me." "I'm all business when it comes to work," James replied a little hurt by the accusation. "That was an attempt at a joke," the Captain said in a very serious voice. "Oh," James said looking over at Ann. Shaking his head, he said, "I think you need a little more practice at telling jokes." "He's trying," Ann said. Under her breath she added, "And failing miserably." The Captain ignored the exchange. Turning to the pilot, he asked, "Can we go any faster?" "Yes, sir," the pilot answered looking dubiously at the controls. There were five knobs; each with ten settings. The engineers had assured him that they corresponded to decimal fractions of the speed of light. If the first setting of the first knob took them to a thousandth the speed of light, then he assumed that the fifth knob was in increments of ten times the speed of light. He asked, "How fast do you want to go?" "I'd like to go ten times faster," the Captain answered. "Adjusting speed to a hundredth the speed of light," the pilot said as he turned the first knob up by one increment. Looking down at his panel, he read that their speed relative to the sun was now two thousandths the speed of light. He slowly dialed the speed up until he had turned the knob back to zero. That had the effect of increasing the next knob to the first setting. The pilot shifted in his seat relieved that nothing terrible had happened when dialing to the next level of speed. He reported, "We are at a hundredth the speed of light, Captain." The Captain didn't answer. He was staring white faced at the screen at the front of the room. They had just missed a huge object by a few thousand meters. The image of the object had started off as a little point, but quickly blossomed to where it had almost filled the screen. It looked a lot like a gray rock. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Next time, watch the screen as you dial up the speed. We almost hit something." "Sorry," the pilot answered. Looking down at his controls, he realized that almost three thousand kilometers had passed while he was glancing down. Nervous, he said, "We didn't design this workstation very well. I suggest that we go a little slower when we're this close to the solar system." James flinched as another asteroid flashed past on the screen. He wondered if it was technically called an asteroid and then decided it wouldn't matter what it was called if one collided with them. He said, "This reminds me of my backyard. There is a lot of junk out here." "Slow us down," the Captain said deciding that it was very good advice. The pilot reduced the speed to the first setting just in time to avoid another tumbling rock. James was busy programming the computer to provide a collision alert routine that would warn them when they were headed towards something. He had decided that doing something was a whole lot better than watching as the ship ran head long towards disaster. The Captain watched the screen letting out a little yelp as they narrowly missed another object. Glancing up from his console, James asked, "Is it time that I put on the cape?" "Only if you are willing to stand out in front of the ship and push asteroids out of our way," the Captain answered. James laughed and said, "That was a good joke." "I wasn't joking," the Captain said. ------- Chapter 11 The Quatyl ship approached the alien ship at a tenth of the speed of light. It was a rather slow approach for ships of that type, but to the human occupants of the Starship Explorer it was as if the ship just appeared out of nowhere. Beac stared at the image of the ship that was projected on the monitor in front of him. He could sense Quatyl and one, possibly two, other species aboard the ship. He was about to tell the Margot to open communications with the other ship when his Slathern started making noises. Amazed at what he was hearing, Beac didn't know what to make of what the Slathern kept repeating. The other Quatyl aboard the ship listened to the message wondering which of them was causing the Slathern to say, 'Send a Dromat to the ship with two Slathern. We will provide translation services.' 'What do you think that means?' Beac finally asked his science officer, Dear. Stating what everyone already knew, Dear answered, 'There are others like us on board that ship. I don't understand why they want two Slathern. They should have some of their own.' Beac could sense the Quatyl and one other kind of life form on the other space ship, but he couldn't control them. Feeling slightly sick to his stomach, he was afraid that the Quatyl were being held hostage. His mission was to find out as much about the new species and report back to the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency. Feeling every Chronon of the seventy three thousand Chronons (approximately one hundred years) since his hatching, he said, 'Send a Dromat with two Slathern.' His wife, Bear, said, 'I've sent them.' As the Dromat marched to the shuttle with two Slathern, Beac said, 'I wonder who the other Quatyl are." ------- The Captain tore his eyes away from the screen that showed the monster space ship floating in front of their ship. If they hadn't been tracking its approach, it would have appeared to have materialized out of nowhere. It still arrived much earlier than they had been expecting and its arrival had caught the Captain by surprise. It had approached at close to twenty times the speed of light and slowed to a tenth of the speed of light at the last minute. The Starship Explorer was a large vessel by human standards. It was a rectangular box that was almost four hundred and fifty meters in length, a hundred meters in width, and fifty meters in height. An aircraft carrier could fit inside it with great ease. The ship on the screen was almost twice as big. Knowing that it was rather late in the game, Captain Klein turned to Ann and said, "Sound the alarms." "Yes, Captain," Ann replied hitting the button that had been under her finger ever since the huge craft had appeared in front of them. The Captain was disgusted at his decisions. Only ten minutes earlier he had sent the two fighter pilots to the mess hall to eat before the ship arrived. Recalling that bad decision, the Captain said, "Tell our fighter pilots that it is a Code Scramble." It took Ann a few seconds to locate Ken and Kim in the mess hall. She activated an intercom in their area. She announced, "Fire King and Ice Queen, this is a Code Scramble. I repeat. This is a Code Scramble." Ken dropped the sandwich that was inches from his mouth and rose in one motion ready to run to the fighter. Kim took a bite of her sandwich before setting it down and then rose. When he looked at her, she covered her mouth with a hand and said, "You never know when we'll get another chance to eat." It made sense. No one said that they couldn't eat on his way to the fighter. Ken picked up his sandwich and took a bite out of it. Together with Kim, he took off at a fast walk towards the landing bay. Chewing his food, he asked, "What would I do without you?" "Never learn any manners," Kim replied after swallowing her bite of her sandwich. Swallowing, Ken said, "That's a good one." Kim said, "I wish I had remembered to bring a bottle of water to wash down this sandwich." The pair turned the corner and entered the hallway that led to the landing bay. They had gone about halfway down the hall when they both came to an abrupt stop. Their way was blocked. Finding it impossible for them to get into the landing bay, Ken asked, "What's going on?" "I don't know," Kim said looking down the hallway. Not quite sure what she was seeing, she said, "You better tell the Captain." Ken touched his communicator to call the bridge. He pushed the talk button and said, "Captain, there's something strange going on down here." The Captain flipped the switch on his communicator and asked, "What is it?" "The Quatyl have gathered in front of the door to the landing bay," Ken said. He was surrounded by the little animals doing their little happy Quatyl dance. That was the one where their rear end leapt about. He added, "I've never seen them this excited. They are all dancing around." Considering the monster ship parked in front of his ship; the Captain was not in the mood to listen to a story about what someone's pet Quatyl was doing. He replied, "We're a little busy up here at the moment. Get into your fighters and launch." "Yes, sir," Ken answered watching Fire and Ice dance around. They were so excited that they didn't even notice that he was there. He shook his head and wondered what to do with the rest of his sandwich. He stuffed it into his mouth and looked at Kim. She rolled her eyes at the huge wad of sandwich he was trying to chew and turned to look at the Quatyl. This was a Code Scramble which meant that there was an alien craft in the vicinity. It was imperative that they reach their fighters and go out to investigate. Kim tried to step over the Quatyl to get to the landing bay, but they wouldn't move out of her way. She knelt down and picked one of them up. After setting it down behind her, she was shocked when it raced around her to return to the door. Kim said, "This is strange." "Yes, it is," Ken said after deciding that trying to clear the Quatyl out of the way was a lot like trying to move a sand pile by taking sand from the bottom of the pile and putting it on the top. Kim knew it would take too long to get all of the owners down there to carry off their Quatyl and time was of the essence. She looked over at Ken and said, "I know how to clear the Quatyl out of here." "How?" Rather than tell him her answer, Kim slinked over to him in a sexy walk. Ken's eyes opened wide and then a grin spread across his face. A second later they were exchanging very passionate kisses. Hands explored areas of the body that shouldn't be explored in a public place. As their passion rose, they expected to hear a stampede of feet as the Quatyl fled. Instead, there was a low growl of very upset Quatyl. The volume started low but increased as more Quatyl started growling. The first thing that came to their mind was that someone had arrived that the Quatyl didn't like. They looked around trying to spot the individual who had provoked the reaction until they realized they were the only ones there. Ken looked down at the Quatyl stunned by their behavior. He backed away staring at them. They should have all run off, not growled at them. Quatyl only growled at bad people. Upset, Ken said, "This doesn't look good." "Better call the Captain again," Kim said staring at the Quatyl with hurt feelings. By this time, the Quatyl were back to dancing around in front of the door. There was no way she would force her way into the landing bay if it alienated all of the Quatyl. Up on the bridge, Captain Klein watched as a section of the alien ship opened and a small craft exited. Considering the size of the main ship, it was hard to tell how big the small craft actually was. He kept waiting to hear that his pilots were getting ready to leave, but so far there was no word from the fighters. He turned to the weapons officer and said, "Prepare the torpedoes." "Yes, Captain," the woman answered. After a second, she asked, "How many?" "All of them," the Captain answered. Considering the size of the ship, he wasn't going to risk being caught short of torpedoes. For all he knew, the ten kiloton atomic warheads would have the same effect as throwing rocks. He figured that if he got enough rocks in the air, that they had a chance of at least one lucky hit. Down in the hallway to the landing bay, Ken reached for his communicator. He touched the talk switch and said, "Captain, we have a problem." Using his communicator, the Captain asked, "Ken, where are you?" Ken answered, "I'm outside the landing bay." "Why aren't you in your fighter?" "I told you. The Quatyl are acting weird. They are outside the landing bay. Kim and I can't get to our fighters," Ken answered. "The other ship has launched something that looks like a fighter. We need you out there to intercept them if they should turn hostile," the Captain said. "Sir, every Quatyl on board this ship is standing in front of the hatch that allows access to the landing bay. We can't get to our fighters," Ken said thinking it was a rather stupid design to have only a single access point to such an important part of the ship. "Move them out of the way," the Captain ordered. Heads were going to roll over this. Quatyl were supposed to be kept in quarters, the Quatyl Playroom, or the cafeteria. There was no excuse for them to be running around loose. Kim made her way over to where Ken was standing and said, "Captain, the Quatyl are really acting weird. You need to see this." "We've got a monster ship in front of us with a fighter on its way towards us. I can't go down and take care of a couple of Quatyl," the Captain said. "It's not a couple of Quatyl, Captain. It is every Quatyl on the ship. They even growled at us when we tried to move them out of the way. That includes your Quatyl, sir," Kim said. "This is no time for jokes. I left Siegfried in the Quatyl Playroom," the Captain said about to lose his patience. The comment about the Quatyl growling did concern him. "Siegfried is here, Captain. There are almost a hundred Quatyl in the hallway, sir," Ken said. The insistence that Siegfried was there gave the Captain a moment's pause. He looked over at James and asked, "He wouldn't joke about my Quatyl, would he?" "No, sir," James answered with a frown. No one made jokes about the Quatyl like that. Worried, he said, "Sir, this must really be serious. I'd never admit that a Quatyl growled at me. I wouldn't even joke about it." ------- Stunned by what he was hearing, Beac listened as the Quatyl from the other ship used his Slathern to explain the history of the expedition that had crashed on Earth. The story about how the ship had been destroyed and how the eight original Quatyl had made their way out of the swamp was the kind of thing that could become the stuff of Quatyl legends. For Beac, the desire to ask questions was almost overwhelming. It was frustrating being unable to interrupt for additional details, but there was no way for Beac to communicate with the Quatyl on the other ship until the Slathern arrived there. Until then, all he could do was listen to the story. It was with great unease that he listened to the part about not being able to control the giant beasts. It verified what he had already sensed when approaching the ship. He tried to imagine what it would be like to have giants towering over him that were just as likely to step on him as feed him. Bear, Beac's mate, thought the story was so moving that she relayed it via the other Slathern on the ship. Thus it was that the entire Quatyl crew listened to the story about how the survivors had ultimately assured their survival by turning the giant beasts into pets. More than one Quatyl aboard the ship wondered what it would be like to have a pet. The servant crew listened to the story as well. They thought it was amazing that there existed a space faring race that was immune to the mental powers of the Quatyl. They wondered if the creature had the same ability to control other species and if that was the secret of their immunity. The idea that they would get torn between two controlling species was enough to make some of the more depressed members of the servant crew consider suicide. The news concerning how many Quatyl there were on Earth created quite a stir among everyone on the ship. Beac wondered how so few Quatyl could produce so many progeny in such a short period of time. He didn't think it was biologically possible and would have questioned the speaker about the matter if that had been possible. He asked Dear, 'Can a Quatyl have so many offspring?' 'I don't know, ' Dear answered. It violated everything she knew about the Quatyl sex drive. As long as her racial memory ran, there had never been more than one child every five years. That racial memory went back long before they went into space. She commanded one of the Dromats to research the issue within the historical database. ------- It took almost two hours for the shuttle to reach the Starship Explorer. The Quatyl aboard the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency ship had decided that a slow approach would appear less threatening not realizing that their basic approach had been viewed as blindingly fast. The Dromat on the shuttle would have preferred to just get it over with, even if that meant his death. The shuttle stopped just outside of the landing bay and then waited for the doors to open. Captain Klein had watched the approach of the small craft on the large screen. For the entire time it had taken to get there, he had been trying to decide what to do. He watched the shuttle for another half hour while it waited outside the landing bay door. It was obvious to him that the craft was willing to stay there all day. Shaking his head, he said, "Open the landing bay doors and allow it to land." "Yes, sir," Ann said. She flipped the switch and watched on the monitor as the great landing bay door slowly slid open. Still thinking about the behavior of the Quatyl, James said, "You know, that's kind of odd about the Quatyl. They sense when someone is good or bad. It kind of makes you wonder why they are so excited." Captain Klein looked over at James thinking about his observation. He asked, "What do you make of it?" "Well, my grandfather found the Quatyl down in Mexico about two hundred miles from where that spaceship crashed. No one else has ever found another wild Quatyl since then," James said with a shrug of his shoulders. His grandfather often told of how the Quatyl had appeared at the door of his cabin while he was writing the book that completely redefined the sexy heroine. Captain Klein knew who James Leonard Foster was although he wasn't a fan of the man's writing. He had not known that James Kamp was related to the famous author. That little revelation went far to explain the odd sense of humor. He asked, "Are you suggesting that the Quatyl were from that space ship?" "Maybe," James answered attempting to waffle on his answer. He didn't want to be proved wrong and look like a fool. If he was going to look like a fool, he wanted it to be intentional. Still, it would explain the behavior of the Quatyl. He figured that they were maybe excited about meeting up with their original owners. "Are you or aren't you?" the Captain asked. "I guess I am," James said. He looked at the screen and said, "Maybe we ought to get down to the landing bay and greet our visitor." ------- The small craft settled in the landing bay with a soft tremor that traveled through the floor of the ship as the gravity returned. There was no sound since the landing bay was a hard vacuum. The outer door seemed to take forever to close. Once the door closed, there was a harsh hiss as air was released into the room. The water and carbon dioxide in the air turned to snow as a result of the cooling that resulted from the rapid expansion of gases. The Captain, James, Ann, Ken, and Kim waited down the hall from the hatch for the atmosphere to reach normal pressure. All five of them were nervous thinking that this was going to be first contact with a space alien. The Quatyl were so excited that they couldn't stand still and that only fed the nervousness of the group. The Captain watched the Quatyl dance around as if oblivious to his presence. He had been disappointed when Siegfried had not greeted him. Shaking his head, he said, "You're right. This is definitely odd behavior. They are acting like kids on Christmas morning." Looking at the Captain surprised that the man even knew how to have sex, James asked, "You have kids?" "No, I just remember how it was to be a kid," the Captain answered. His wife had a medical problem that wouldn't allow her to have children. It was the one great disappointment in their marriage. "Really? I find that hard to believe." "What? You think it is odd that I remember what it was like to be a kid?" the Captain asked looking at James. Smiling, James answered, "No. I'm having a hard time imagining you as a kid." Captain Klein rolled his eyes rather than respond. There were times when he didn't know if James was joking or not. Knowing that he was going to regret it, he said, "I was a kid just like everyone else." Seeing the gleam in James' eyes, Ann asked, "What do you think he was like as a kid?" James answered, "I can just see him dipping a little girl's ponytail into a jar of ink." When Ann raised an eyebrow, James continued, "It wasn't just any jar of ink. No. It was a bottle of permanent ink so that she would be reminded of him for months. He had purchased it especially for that purpose. Little did she know that it was actually called Love Potion number nine and three quarters — the jar of ink version." "I did no such thing," the Captain protested wondering how it was that James had transitioned from speculating to fabricating a tale about him. Ignoring the protest, James continued, "Of course, the little girl was overwhelmed by his obvious affection for her. Resistance to his charms was futile. Taking into account his general good looks, her role in life as his love slave was virtually assured. She threw herself at him and smothered him in kisses as all little girls do when their ponytail is dipped in ink." "They do?" Kim asked. She'd have skinned a boy alive who did something like that to her. "Of course, they do. Didn't you know that it was Dutch National Law that all little girls must repeatedly and passionately kiss little boys who dip their ponytails in jars of ink? It's a fact, you can look it up sometime," James answered in a very serious voice. The Captain frowned and said, "No, it isn't." "It is so sad when a Captain of the Royal Navy of the Netherlands doesn't even know basic Dutch law," James replied sadly. He said, "Of course, that is explained by what happened afterwards." "It is?" Ken asked wondering in what direction James was going to take the tale. "Yes," James answered, "The mean teacher at the front of the room yelled at them for engaging in public displays of affection. Being filled with animal lust, the Captain ignored the attempt to interrupt them and continued kissing the little girl further completing the spell he was casting upon her. Alas, the spell was not to be completed. Before he managed to fondle her breasts and bind her eternally to him, the evil teacher dragged him off to the principal's office. There, he was soundly thrashed for practicing magic of a most deviant kind." "Naturally," Ann said nodding her head in righteous agreement. "His parents came to school. Ashamed to learn that their son was practicing magic in the classroom, they withdrew him from the public education system and sent him to a monastery. His new life was one of constant misery since the monks beat him daily for his evil ways. He was scarred for life by the incident. Ever since then, he can only get excited by being spanked by a woman wearing a nun's outfit." The look on the Captain's face was one of outrage. It didn't help that Ken was laughing at the outrageous version of his childhood. When James finally finished spinning his tale, Ken laughed and said, "You weren't describing his life as a child. That was your childhood." "Oh, yeah. Sorry about that Captain Klein," James replied trying to look embarrassed. His wink at Ann spoiled the effect. Laughing, Kim said, "That explains the 'get thee into a nunnery outfit and grab the switch' comment he tells Ann just before they go to bed at night." Of everything said so far, Kim's comment was the only one that Captain Klein believed held any truth to it at all. Dryly, Captain Klein said, "That explains a lot." Gesturing at the door, Ken said, "It also passed enough time for the landing bay to fill with air. I think we can go in now if we can get past the Quatyl." As soon as Ken finished talking, the Quatyl cleared a path to the hatch. The indicator showed that the atmosphere had normalized with that in the hallway. James opened the hatch and Captain Klein entered the landing bay. His footsteps echoed in the huge room. There was a definite chill in the air as the heaters struggled to raise the temperature in the room. James, holding hands with Ann, followed the Captain into the very large room. Winking at her, he asked, "Is it time for us to wear our capes?" "After you take a long walk in space without your space suit," the Captain answered without even looking over at him. He noticed that James tended to rely upon humor to dispel tension. The group stopped in front of the shuttle craft. It was only then that they realized the Quatyl had come into the room with them. The strange thing is that the pets stood beside their owners while the Quatyl whose owners weren't in the room stood off to the side. They had suddenly calmed down and were waiting patiently. Ken looked around at the little animals wondering why they were acting so oddly. He leaned over and whispered to Kim, "Check out the Quatyl. It's like they expect something really significant to happen." "Yeah, I wonder what it is," Kim said not knowing that her question was about to be answered. She was pleased to see that Stardust stood beside her after having growled at her. The idea of becoming a social outcast because Quatyl reacted negatively to her had been truly terrifying. The door of the shuttle craft opened and the Dromat stepped into view. Everyone in the landing bay stared at the Dromat unable to believe their eyes. It stood about four feet tall and was completely covered in long hair -- long light brown hair that hung from the body and shimmered when it moved. A century earlier on Earth in the North American Continent, there had been a television show about a rather odd family. Given that the television industry was the stomping grounds of some of the least creative people in the world, it followed that any successful show was resurrected once every twenty-five years. Thus it was that everyone there recognized the Dromat. Staring at the creature, James said, "It's Cousin It from the Addams Family." ------- Chapter 12 It was probably fortunate that the Dromat did not understand a single word of what James had said. Although it was under compulsion to stand there and do nothing that might be interpreted as threatening, odds were good that it would have been insulted to learn that it had been compared to a comedic character from a situation comedy. One of the Slatherns it was carrying started making noises which the Dromat couldn't understand. The same couldn't be said for the humans in the room. All of them jumped when the Slathern said, "Hello, Captain Klein. It is nice to finally be able to talk with you." Stunned, everyone looked at Cousin Itt holding the two slugs in its hands. Surprised at the fact that the alien knew English, James commented, "Well, I'll be damned. All of those television shows were right. Space aliens do speak English. Of course, they were wrong about them having perfect American accents. Who would have thought they'd speak with Dutch accents?" No one else had picked up on the language, just the fact that the alien knew the Captain's name. No one was more surprised by that rather significant fact than the Captain. It seemed that a long time passed before he recovered enough to ask, "How did you know my name?" "I'm Siegfried," was the answer. "Siegfried? Who is that?" the Captain asked staring at the slug-like creature from which the sounds were originating. He had to admit that if an alien creature hadn't been holding it in his hand; he would have probably squashed the slug without giving it a second thought until it had started speaking at him. "I'm the Quatyl standing beside you. You've been my pet for years, Otto," the Slathern answered. Confused that the slug was claiming to be his Quatyl, the Captain looked down at his pet only to find Siegfried looking up at him. All thoughts about the big ship fled his mind at the idea that his Quatyl was talking to him through the slug held in the hand of Cousin Itt. His eyes drifted over to the Slathern as he asked, "What's going on here?" The other Slathern started making some noises. These noises the Dromat did understand since it was speaking Quatyl. Somewhat amused by the desperation in the voice, he listened as the Slathern said, 'This is Captain Beac of the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency. What is going on?" Siegfried answered Captain Beac using the Slatern on the other ship to explain that they were taking a moment to speak to their pets. While he was doing that, Starman used the other Slathern to say, "James, you have been a very good pet." "Thank you, but I think you have the relationship backwards. You're my pet," James said looking down at his Quatyl. "I adopted you for a pet," Starman said well aware of his pet's attitude about which one of them was the pet and which one of them was the owner. "No, I adopted you for a pet," James said with a smile. He figured that they were going to have lots of fun discussing the matter for years. Ann was staring at Stardust thinking about the implications of what she was witnessing. It dawned on her that the Quatyl could very well want to get on the other ship and leave. With tears threatening to well up in her eyes, she asked, "You're not going to leave us, are you?" "No, I won't leave you Ann," Stardust said surprising everyone with the feminine tone in the voice coming from the Slathern. Still upset that the Quatyl had growled at her, Kim looked down at Ice and asked, "Will you be leaving me?" Rubbing against her leg, Ice answered, "No." "You growled at me," Kim said. Her feelings were still hurt. "I'm sorry I growled at you. We were just so excited to see one of our ships here. The fact that you wanted to go out and attack it was a little upsetting," Ice answered. "I can see why," Kim said. She reached down and picked up Ice. With tears in her eyes, she said, "I love you, Ice. The thought of losing you was just too much to bear." That news seemed to have released a little of the tension in the room and the rest of the humans picked up their Quatyl. The Dromat watched with wide eyes as the creatures stroked the backs of the Quatyl and heard the noise emitted by the little things. He had never heard a Quatyl purr. Having dealt with Captain Beac, Siegfried said, "The Quatyl Captain wants to talk with you, Otto." ------- The next few hours turned into a rather interesting discussion concerning the future of the Quatyl/Human relationship. The conversation had been made a little more complicated by the fact that some of the Quatyl participating in it had adopted Humans as pets and weren't willing to give them up. It was nice to have a creature that willingly took care of you and occasionally surprised you with treats. Captain Beac had a nagging suspicion that the Humans had some kind of mental or physical control over the Quatyl, but didn't voice that concern. The communications channels back to the headquarters of the Space Exploration Agency were busy while he was trying to get clear instructions on how to proceed. None of the scenarios put forth by the Gnord had included the possibility of what had happened with the original Quatyl crew. The Dromat had followed the Quatyl side of the discussion with interest even though the only part of it that it could hear was the words from Captain Beac. It kept looking at the Humans and trying to figure out why they weren't affected by the Quatyl. For the first time in its life, it actually felt a little hope that life in the galaxy was about to change. When the long exchange with Captain Beac was over, James and Ann went to their quarters with their Quatyl. All four of them were exhausted. Ann dropped onto their bed and said, "I'm glad that Stardust is going to stay with me." "I know what you mean," James said. He sat down on the bed beside her and said, "I wish my grandfather was still alive. I think he'd be very proud to learn that all of the Quatyl consider him to be the first pet." Starman looked up at James from the floor. Looking down at his pet, James winked and said, "Now that you can't argue back, we can all agree that we adopted you as pets. So there!" Starman just looked back at James taking in the fact that the beast's tongue was stuck out at him. There were times when James reminded him so much of the first pet. He had a feeling that there were going to be a lot of interesting conversations in the future. James was a remarkably clever pet. The thought also dawned on him that over the past hundred years, the Quatyl on Earth had developed a sense a humor. He had thought it was rather funny when James had declared the Dromat to be Cousin Itt. When his pet had watched the television show, he had watched it as well. It wasn't until the Dromat had been standing in the landing bay that he had realized that Cousin Itt was remarkably similar to a Dromat. Still struggling with the idea that the Quatyl were a space faring race and not an overly intelligent animal, Ann said, "I still find it hard to believe that a Quatyl is in charge of that huge ship." "I think there are going to be a lot of scientists who are going to be very embarrassed," James said with a smile. He thought about all of the studies that had proved that Quatyl intelligence was instinct. "You can say that again," Ann said. "You do know what this means?" James asked. Seeing the twinkle in his eyes, Ann was almost afraid to ask. She asked, "What?" "The next time some psychologist says that they've scientifically proven that I'm crazy, I can point to the Quatyl and tell them that science doesn't know everything," James said. Laughing, Ann said, "That won't stop them from locking you up." "Probably not," James said snapping his fingers to indicate another great plan foiled by the vulgarities of reality. She yawned and said, "I've got to get some sleep. Why don't you put out some food for the Quatyl?" James looked over the edge of the bed and saw that the Quatyl had already gone into their den. They would wake up in the middle of the night and find the food that James had left for them. James thought for a moment that redefining the relationship with the Quatyl wouldn't be that bad of an idea. The thought of waking up in the morning to find breakfast waiting for him was rather intriguing. He grinned at the idea of using that argument on Starman. ------- The Dromat in the landing bay had basically been ignored during the entire discussion. When the discussion was nearing completion, it was decided that it would remain on board of the ship. Under control of a Quatyl, it was directed to the cafeteria where it took a position in the corner of the room under the watchful eye of one of the crew members. This might seem like a rather indifferent treatment of the Dromat, but it was used to it. In fact, the Dromat was actually having the best time of its life. The one thing that amazed the Dromat was that once the Quatyl that had been controlling it had left the cafeteria it was under the extraordinary condition in which it wasn't being controlled. Rather than create a problem, the Dromat decided that it was in its best interests to just wait and watch. While the entire trip had been spent doing very little, it had watched the humans and found them to be very fascinating. About three hours after arriving at the cafeteria, it had figured out how things worked in the room. It went over to the line and picked up a tray. At the silverware station, it picked out a spoon. The Dromat recognized the spoon for what it was since spoons are one of the few universally common eating utensils unlike the spork which is a uniquely human invention. Pushing the tray along the little ledge like the humans had, it examined each of the foods trying to figure out what to get. Not knowing what would be good, it finally pointed to a white puree. The guy behind the counter looked at the Dromat and just dished out a serving of mashed potatoes. Without missing a beat, the guy said, "There you go, Cousin Itt." The Dromat took the tray over to a table and sat down in one of the chairs. It was actually rather nice not to be standing. It took a taste of the mashed potatoes under the watchful eyes of everyone in the room. Everyone in the room watched it eat since they all wondered what it would think of the food. The Dromat leaned forward and, in a very dainty manner, it used the spoon to shovel a mouthful of food into its mouth. It must be admitted that the Dromat found the mashed potatoes to be a rather bland and uninteresting dish, but it finished the serving that was on its plate. Having observed others return their trays to a conveyor belt, the Dromat disposed of his tray in the same manner. The Dromat returned to the corner and stood there watching the activity in the room. It was slowly picking up some details of the language. It figured out pretty quickly the words of greeting and parting. It took a little more time to determine that a laugh was a verbal reaction to humor. The Dromat had heard of humor, but the time spent under the control of the Quatyl had made very few things seem funny. The interactions among the people seemed to be rather complex. From time to time a person approached and tried to talk to the Dromat. Not understanding what was said, the Dromat just stared at the person. After a few attempts to get a reaction, the person would give up leaving the Dromat to work out what it was the person was trying to communicate. All in all, the Dromat was having a very good time. ------- A very unhappy and nervous Beac sat in the shuttle craft as it made the long voyage to the other ship. In terms of space voyages, it wasn't long in terms of time or distance. The primary reason for his discomfort was the fact that he had to leave the safety pod of his vessel in the middle of space. The other reason was the dread of what he was going to see that made it a long trip. Each second that ticked by felt like an eternity. The shuttle landed in the bay with a slight jarring that sent his heart into overdrive. The Captain's wait hadn't ended. The landing bay still had to fill with an atmosphere and warm up to a level that wouldn't be hazardous to his health. After what seemed like an eternity, Siegfried let him know that it was safe to leave the ship. Quatyl did not talk to themselves, but if they did then Captain Beac would have said, 'It's never safe to leave the ship.' When he had been told that the beasts were big, Beac had imagined something about the height of a Gnord. The reality of looking up them put his imagination to shame. His first thought was that the humans were intimidating the Quatyl into co- operating. Beac stood at the door of the shuttle staring at the beasts. The Earth Quatyl were only a sixth the size of the beasts that stood beside them. Captain Klein stared at the Quatyl unsure what he was supposed to do. He had never imagined that he would be the first person to make contact with an intelligent species from another planet. That Captain's Manual didn't have an entry for that. All he knew was that the little Quatyl looked terrified. He didn't want to scare it off by stepping forward or making any gesture that it might find threatening. James watched the two Captains looking at each other with a smile on his face. After about thirty seconds had passed, he said, "This is just too exciting." Captain Klein looked over at James and said, "Shut up." "I tell you. The suspense is just killing me," James said with a smile. "We're meeting the representative of an alien species for the first time and it has to be done right," Captain Klein said. Looking down at Starman, James said, "I don't think it is the first time we've met a representative of this particular alien species. I've been living with them my whole life." The Captain looked down at Siegfried for a second. Wanting to slap his forehead with the palm of his hand, he said, "You're right." Captain Beac watched the exchange between the two beasts wondering if they were arguing over which one of them would get to eat him. One of the beasts made noises in his direction. The Quatyl with him translated the words using the Slathern, "Hello. I'm Captain Klein. Welcome aboard the Starship Explorer." "I'm Captain Beac," was the translated reply. There was a long pause while he considered what to say next. This situation was just as awkward for him as for Captain Klein. He added, "Thank you for inviting me over." Captain Klein stared at Captain Beac wondering what he was supposed to do next. After a minute, Captain Klein said, "Do you want to see the rest of the ship?" "I guess," answered Captain Klein not really wanting to leave the shuttle. Siegfried could see that the Captain Beac was very uncomfortable. Using the Slathern, he said, 'I can suggest that we stop by our meeting room. We can have some food brought in for you.' 'Will there be beasts there?' Captain Beac asked looking up at the monster standing in front of him. 'Not really, ' Siegfried answered, 'The only time our pets come into the room is to drop one of us off or pick us up.' 'That would be good, ' Beac said thinking that he might learn more by talking with a bunch of Quatyl away from the beast than walking around the ship. Siegfried looked up at Captain Klein and said, "Let us take him to our meeting room. I think he needs to talk to us alone." "I suppose that is reasonable," Captain Klein replied thinking it rather unusual taking advice from his pet. The problem was that he didn't have any better ideas. ------- Captain Beac didn't know what to expect when he was led into the Quatyl Playroom. The walk to it had exhausted him, but he wasn't going to accept the offer to be carried. The idea of being held by one of the giants terrified him. Now that he was at the destination, he looked around dismayed at the primitive conditions in which the Quatyl lived. The alphabet board on the floor highlighted the obstacles that the Quatyl had to overcome in order to survive. The Quatyl in their dens watched Beac with interest. Ice used one of the guinea pigs to say, 'This little animal is the best form of communication that we found on Earth.' It took Beac a moment to realize that the squeaks originating from the cage was a form of communications. Dismayed at the cumbersome form of communications, he used the Slathern to say, 'You must be miserable.' Using the Slathern, Fire said, 'Not really. They take pretty good care of us. I imagine that things will get a lot better now that we can talk with our pets.' 'They are really your pets?' Beac asked. Starman answered, 'That is a matter of some contention. The beasts insist that we are their pets, but we know better. We adopted them.' 'Pets, ' Beac said trying to grasp what it meant to have a pet. 'That's right, ' Fire said. 'They aren't controlling you in some way?' Beac asked. 'No. They are very hard to train though, but we think that by talking to them in their language it'll be easier, ' Siegfried answered. 'They are very big and frightening to look at, ' Beac said. 'You get used to them, ' Starman said. Disrupting the conversation and sending Beac running into a den, James entered the room and squatted down. While placing a couple of bowls on the floor, he looked in the den as he said, "I brought a variety of foods in case you're hungry." Starman went over to James and rubbed his head against James' leg. He said, "Thank you, James. You're a very good and thoughtful pet." "And you're a pain in the ass sometimes," James answered reaching down and running his hand along Starman's back. The Quatyl purred shocking Beac. "Be gone, pet. Go off and do pet kinds of things," Starman replied experimenting with putting a royal tone to his voice via the Slathern. It was actually pretty successful. James chuckled and stood up. He bowed and said, "Yes, your highness." When James left the Quatyl in the room all shook their heads at the exchange. Amused by Starman's comment, Ice said, 'You are starting to talk like your pet.' Beac was still shocked at hearing love noises emerge from the Quatyl. What was even more shocking was that none of the other Quatyl had reacted as if it was strange. He emerged from the den and asked, 'Why did you make love noises?' 'That is how we train our pets. Beside, it feels really nice when they rub your back like that, ' Starman answered. 'Really?' Beac asked unable to imagine it. The idea of being handled by such a large clumsy looking beast was truly frightening. He wondered if that was how the beasts controlled the Quatyl. 'You've got to try the food. My favorite is the pale green food, ' Ice said identifying the pureed peas by color. 'I like the yellowish one the most, ' Fire said identifying the applesauce. Hoping that it wasn't drugged, Beac went over and tasted the pureed peas. He was surprised by the flavor and said, 'This is good.' 'All of the foods they serve to us are pretty good, ' Siegfried said. His particular favorite was the boiled seaweed. Beac tried the applesauce. It was sweet, cold, and wet. It was the best thing that he had ever tasted. Stepping back, he stared at the bowl and asked, 'What is this?' 'That is applesauce. It is made from a fruit that grows on their planet, ' Siegfried answered. The idea of actually cooking vegetables had been a very novel concept for the Quatyl. 'It is very good, ' Beac said. He ate a little more of it before trying the food in the next bowl. That bowl contained pureed peaches and it had a very different flavor from anything that he had ever tasted. He decided that he really liked the peaches. Shocked at the wonderful foods that he had tasted, he said, 'You eat very well.' ------- James returned to the bridge still laughing at the exchange with Starman. Not exactly trusting James when he was chuckling, Captain Klein asked, "What's so funny?" "I just had a little exchange with Starman. That little critter has a good sense of humor," James answered. Captain Klein stared at James in horror. Shaking his head, he said, "You're like some sort carrier of an infectious disease. Everywhere you go people catch your sense of humor." Everyone on the bridge laughed at the comment. James smiled and said, "Maybe if I hang around you long enough, you'll catch my disease." "No thank you," the man replied shaking his head. He added, "I might have to put you in isolation to protect the rest of us." James laughed at the idea and said, "Hey, that's a good one. I think my evil plot to infect you with a sense of humor is working." "I wasn't joking," Captain Klein replied with a smile. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, he wondered if he had already been infected. James went over to the sensor console and sat down. He scanned the area of space in which they were parked. He noticed that the two other ships were still standing off at a distance of two light years. Looking up, he said, "Those two other ships are still out there." Not particularly worried about the other two ships, Captain Klein said, "Continue to watch them." "I'll write a routine that will sound an alarm if they move in our direction," James said getting to work. As he typed, he realized that he should have done that as soon as they had parked in space. "Good," Captain Klein said with an approving nod of his head. It always amazed him how quickly James could transition from acting like a clown to being a very serious person. He turned to look at Ann and asked, "What is going on with Cousin Itt?" Without looking up from her console, Ann answered, "It is still just standing in the cafeteria." "Can it talk?" Captain Klein asked still trying to figure out what role the shaggy alien had in this entire thing. "I don't know," Ann answered glancing at her monitor. She was watching the Dromat patiently standing in the corner of the cafeteria. It was watching the activity taking place without much of a reaction. Of course, the alien features made it difficult to assess what the Dromat was thinking. "Is it eating?" he asked. Looking up from her console, Ann answered, "Yes. It had some mashed potatoes last night. I told the cook that if it didn't ask for anything today to prepare some more mashed potatoes for it." "Good thinking," Captain Klein said. The hairy alien was a real puzzle. James looked up from his console and said, "The alarms are programmed. If either of the two ships moves, a short beeping noise will go off and the screen will highlight the ship in red." "Good," the Captain said settling into his chair. ------- Chapter 13 James sat at the table in the dining hall looking at the Dromat standing in the corner. He wondered why Cousin Itt was standing when it could have been sitting. Ann was at work sending messages back to the space station and he was feeling a little bored. Getting up, he walked over to the Dromat and said, "Hello." The Dromat stared at James recognizing him as one of the humans that had been present when it had arrived. As far as the Dromat could tell, that made James one of the more important people on the space ship. It understood the greeting, but hadn't quite figured out how to vocalize a reply. Its mouth was not exactly configured for making the 'l' sound. James gestured to the Dromat for it to follow him. Having nothing better to do, the Dromat followed James over to the table. When James pointed to the chair, the Dromat sat down and watched James. James went around the table and sat across from the Dromat. James studied the Dromat. The pair looked at each other for a minute. The minute turned into three minutes. Each wondered if the other would be completely satisfied doing nothing more than staring at the other one. Finally, James asked, "What are you?" The Dromat looked at James for a few seconds and decided that it was time to introduce itself to him. Nervous, he told James his name, "Dro Mat." Surprised at actually getting an answer to his question, James turned in his seat and announced, "Hey everyone. Cousin Itt is a Dromat!" One of the members of the crew asked, "How do you know that?" "When I asked Cousin Itt what it was, he said Dromat," James answered. He turned back to Cousin Itt and, pointing at him, said, "Dromat." Not realizing that his entire species was going to be called by his name, the Dromat answered, "Dro Mat." "Hey, it really does talk," someone else said. That kicked off a half hour of discussion at all of the tables. Much of the discussion concerned why it hadn't talked until that time. Some folks thought that it was because it was really a spy sent there to learn about them while others thought that it was just making random noises. To tell the truth, there was a contingent that thought it would actually talk like Cousin Itt from the television show. For the most part, James and the Dromat just stared at each other for a little while longer. After deciding that the Dromat wasn't going to volunteer any more information, James asked, "Are you hungry?" The Dromat understood what James was asking although it would be hard pressed to break the stream of sounds into individual words. It decided to answer the question with a word that it had heard a lot around the dining hall. With great difficulty, he answered, "Yez." James smiled and said, "Stay right there. I'll be back." The Dromat had figured out after watching people interact in the dining hall that the smile was not the threatening expression that it had thought it was. It had seen the creatures use that expression without the situation escalating into violence. He wasn't quite sure what the smile meant, but that didn't matter too much to it. Relieved that it hadn't done anything wrong, it repeated, "Yez." James went over to the serving line and grabbed a tray and a spoon along the way. Once he reached the line, he said, "Hey, can you put a little of everything into individual little bowls so that the Dromat can taste it?" "As far as I know, the only thing Cousin Itt eats is mashed potatoes," the guy serving the food said. He looked over at the Dromat with a bored expression. After watching the visitor stand around all day, he wasn't all that impressed. "That's all he's tried," James said, "Maybe if we give him a little of this and that, he might find something else he can eat." The guy serving food shrugged his shoulders and went off to find some little bowls. All he had were the small bowls for ice cream. While he was there, he put a little ice cream into one of the bowls. Returning to the counter, he put a spoonful of every item in a bowl. By the time he was done, James had to get a second tray. It wasn't that the variety was all that great; it was just that the trays were small. James returned to the table balancing the two trays. He set both trays in front of the Dromat and gestured to the dishes arranged on them. He said, "Try each of them and see if you like it." The Dromat tried a little of each dish. Some of the foods were horrible and its reaction caused James to laugh. It was like watching someone shake out a feather duster. There were a few foods that it really liked. One of them was the green beans. After eating an almost miniscule part of a green bean, it returned to consume the whole portion. The Dromat said, "Ood." "Ood? Oh, you mean good," James said. He made a mental note that Cousin Itt liked green beans. He also noticed that the Dromat understood at least two words of English and could use them in the proper context. He smiled at the thought of switching over to German and seeing how it reacted. The Dromat tried a small piece of shrimp. The shrimp happened to taste like one of the greatest delicacies of its home world. The Dromat pointed at the shrimp and said, "Ood. Ood." James smiled when the Dromat nearly inhaled the shrimp. He said, "You really like that." It was the ice cream that won the taste test hands down. The Dromat had never tasted anything so good in its entire life. After the Dromat had finished tasting everything, James got a meal for the Dromat consisting of shrimp, green beans, boiled carrots, and ice cream. The Dromat ate one of the finest meals of its life. It seemed like every other bite was accompanied by the exclamation, "Ood!" ------- For Captain Beac, the moment of truth had finally arrived. It was time for him to head back to his ship. His greatest fear of the moment was that the humans might have subtly established some sort of control over him and would prevent him from returning. It was with some surprise that the humans escorted him to the ship and waved goodbye. Of course, Beac wouldn't have recognized the wave for what it was without an explanation from the other Quatyl aboard the ship. The trip back to his ship was just as long as the trip over, but it seemed to Beac that it was a lot quicker. The beasts had confused him. On one hand they were huge, untamed, and energetic. On the other hand they were extremely gentle and caring with their Quatyl. The one thing that was extremely surprising was that the food they provided was the best he had ever eaten. On returning to the ship, Beac went immediately to his safety pod and relaxed for the first time in four chronon. Living outside of his safety pod was not his idea of fun. What had truly made the time horrible had been the fact that he was surrounded by giant beasts almost all of the time. He kept imagining that one of the beasts would step on him. The assurances of the Quatyl aboard the other ship that the beasts very seldom stepped on them did little to mitigate his fears. The other Quatyl were interested in his experiences and pestered him with questions. They listened with rapt attention as he described how big the beasts were. They were shocked to hear that the Quatyl about the other ship made love noises to the beasts. They would question Captain Beck about other things, but they kept returning to questions about the Quatyl making love noises to the beasts. For the most part, the other Quatyl aboard the ship were confused by his report. That they would be confused by the report shouldn't have been too much of a surprise to anyone. Beac was confused and he was the one making the report. The idea that the huge beasts mating could drive a Quatyl into a mating frenzy was just too absurd to comprehend. He didn't even know how to report that to the others. Far more disturbing to Captain Beac was the assessment of the beasts based on the Gnord suite of tests used to assess intelligence, aggression, and emotional stability. There was nothing average about the beasts. They either scored very high or very low on every measurable category. The specific combination made it a very dangerous species. He wondered how to report that to the Quatyl Space Command. Dro Mat, as he was known to the others aboard the ship, had returned with Beac. The servants listened to him talk about his experiences there. That there existed a race that was totally immune to the Quatyl was a real revelation. Of course, they didn't need him to tell them that. The Quatyl had discussed the matter many times over the past few cronons. Far more significant to the servants was the fact that the beasts aboard the other ship hadn't tried to control him. This was seen as very good news, but not everyone believed him. A good number didn't believe his stories about the food. They just assumed that memories had been placed in his brain or something equally as nasty. ------- After the excitement of being able to talk with their pets had worn off, the Quatyl in the playroom had realized they were facing a horrible problem. It was Ice who started the discussion when she said, 'I just realized that we might have a really big problem. Our pets might not like us after they learn more about us.' Surprised by the suggestion that their pets might not like them, Siegfried asked, 'Why?' Ice answered, 'They might view our control of the servant races as slavery.' The comment caused all of the Quatyl to turn and look at her. Having accepted that they couldn't really control any of the species on Earth, this was not something that any of them had considered. They had never viewed their control over the servant races as a form of slavery, just as a matter of course. The servants were just an extension by which they interacted with the world around them. The problem was that every Quatyl on board of the ship knew how their pets felt about slavery. There were still lots of programs on television about the history of slavery and how evil it was. Of course, the slavery presented on television was a lot different than the kind of control that Quatyl had over the servant races. The Quatyl knew that the proper term was Mind Control. Mind control was an often repeated theme in science fiction and was typically viewed in a negative manner. In many cases it was viewed as being worse than slavery. People felt that the mind was the last bastion of freewill. One might be controlled in the physical world, but there was nothing wrong with imagining doing bad things in their dreams. The exception was in erotica where it allowed the man with the ability to control minds to be surrounded by a horde of women who would fulfill his every sexual fantasy. It was always a male who controlled others. It was also always the case where he always had sexual fantasies that required a horde of women. After a full minute of silence, Starman said, 'They have animals that work for them.' 'None of those animals are intelligent enough to use tools, ' Fire said. This was an explosive issue. Terrified at the consequence of a bad decision, Siegfried suddenly realized that he didn't want to be in charge. If it wasn't handled well, every Quatyl on Earth could end up losing their pet. In fact, they could create the dangerous enemy that every Quatyl feared. He asked, 'Does anyone have a suggestion?' 'We could ask a Gnord. Well, we can if there is one on the other ship, ' one of the Quatyl said. 'That would take too long, ' Siegfried said thinking that it would take the Gnord twenty or thirty years to come up with an answer. After thinking about it, he decided that it would take a Gnord even longer than that to find the best solution. Stardust asked, 'Should we tell Captain Beac about this?" 'Not yet, ' Siegfried answered. ------- The Quatyl Playroom was basically unchanged except for the presence of three of the four Slathern aboard the ship. Beac had promised to send over three more Slathern so that the Quatyl could talk with their pets. As it was, there was one Slathern in the dining hall that allowed the Quatyl and the Humans to communicate. James sat down in the chair by the Slathern and put Starman on the table beside him. Grinning, he asked, "How is my pet Quatyl doing today?" "I don't know," Starman answered, "I wasn't aware that you had a pet Quatyl. If you are talking about me, then I must say that I'm rather concerned about my pet beast. It has been acting very uppity lately. It actually thinks that I am its pet when the relationship is just the opposite." "You don't say," James replied with a smile. He said, "I have the same problem. My pet Quatyl thinks that I'm its pet. It is clearly delusional." "You see what I mean," Starman said smugly. James laughed at that comment. He asked, "I have to admit that I was a little surprised to find that a Quatyl was in command of that ship. I knew that you were clever little critters, but I didn't realize that you were that smart." "Of course. On the Gnord scale, we are a smart species." James asked, "How about us?" "Your species have the slowest minds that we've ever encountered," Starman said. He was pretty sure that James wasn't going to be pleased to hear that. "Are you saying that we're stupid?" James asked looking at the Quatyl wondering if he was supposed to be insulted. It wasn't every day that your pet told you that you weren't very smart. "No, it is just that in terms of raw mental computing power your species has the slowest thought processes that we've ever encountered on a species that has reached space," Starman answered. The Quatyl debated for years if the slowness of the human mind was the reason they couldn't control them. "In other words, we're stupid," James said looking over at the Quatyl with an amused expression on his face. "No. Your minds may function slowly, but you combine information in ways that are truly outstanding. On the Gnord scale, your species has the greatest level of imagination that we've ever encountered. Your libraries actually contain more fiction than factual books," Starman said. The alternative theory as to why they couldn't control the humans was that their thought processes were just too different to control. "Oh?" James asked. "Yes. Your humor is just one example where you are an extreme in imagination. You set up realistic situations and then warp it from reality in ways that are interesting," Starman said. "So you're saying that we're slow but clever," James said wondering if he was supposed to be insulted. The image of sitting in a corner with a dunce cap on his head flashed though his mind. "Yes," Starman answered watching James carefully to see how he was reacting. It wasn't always clear how beasts would react to things. That was a consequence of the fact that the beasts were about the least stable species the Quatyl had ever encountered. The Quatyl knew of no other species in which individuals would commit suicide. James was quiet for a moment and then asked, "What is a Gnord?" "That is the centaur," Starman answered using the word that had been used to describe the Gnord. "Oh," James said, "Are they smarter than us?" "They have faster minds, but they are much slower in solving problems," Starman answered. This conversation was an example of how the beasts were different from every other species they had encountered. When acquiring information, they skipped around the problem attacking it from a dozen different directions at once. He added, "The Gnord always find the best solution to a problem. It just takes them forever. "That is another thing that we find interesting about your species. You use teamwork to make up for your slowness in a manner that we've never observed before. You swarm over a problem like ants. You will find a partial solution and follow it until you reach another problem which you then attack with all of your energy. It is really rather remarkable and makes your species very fast at arriving at solutions despite your mental slowness." "I'm glad to hear that you find us remarkable," James said wryly. Starman said, "We find many things about your species remarkable." "Oh? Like what?" "You are the least stable species that we've ever encountered," Starman said wondering how James was going to react. James laughed at that observation and said, "Tell me something that I didn't already know. Captain Klein is convinced that I'm certifiable." "Your species rates well beyond the carnivore rating in terms of aggression," Starman said. The Quatyl had been surprised to learn about contact sports being played by the beasts. The worst sports were boxing and professional wrestling. The idea of watching beasts pummel each other as a form of entertainment was totally foreign to them. "You say that we're more aggressive than carnivores?" James asked rather surprised by that assertion. He felt like shaping his hands into claws and roaring like a lion. He had a feeling that Starman would laugh at him rather than be scared. "Yes. You hunt and fish for pleasure rather than need. Even most carnivores don't do that. You even have wars in which you fight to the death. You are a very aggressive species," Starman answered. He wondered if the beasts would have actually made it this far into space if it hadn't been for discovering their ship. By all rights, this species should have killed itself off before advancing this far. "Okay, so what does all that mean?" James asked. He wondered how the Quatyl would react to a badger. "It means that you are the most dangerous species that we've ever encountered," Starman said. James was quiet for a moment while he considered that assessment. He laughed and said, "So we're slow, but clever. We're certifiably insane and aggressive as hell. All of that means that we're the most dangerous species that you've ever encountered." "That's right." "You forgot one thing," James said. "What?" "We're funny," James answered with a grin. Starman had been worried that James might not like how the beasts had been characterized. Based on James' reaction, he realized that James actually liked it. The Slathern produced the sound of a laugh. Starman said, "That's right." "How would you characterize your species?" "We have very fast minds, but we're not the best problem solvers. We aren't very curious or imaginative, but we are very stable emotionally and very passive," Starman answered. James looked at the Quatyl for a second. It didn't sound like a description for a species that was likely to reach for the stars. Frowning, he asked, "So how is it that your species managed to make it to space?" Not expecting the question, Starman was taken by surprise. Trying to get his thoughts together, he looked around for a second. There were others waiting to use the Slathern. Using that as an excuse not to answer the question, he said, "There are others who want to talk to each other." "Quack, quack," James said. "What's that mean?" Starman asked puzzled by the reply. The frequent change in the topic of conversation was one of the most frustrating things about dealing with Beasts. "That's you ducking the question," James said with a laugh. He picked up Starman and headed out of the dining hall. Starman would have objected but it was an accurate assessment. ------- James settled into the chair at his console and checked the immediate surroundings. The huge Quatyl ship was still drifting next to them. The two distant ships were keeping their distance. All in all, the situation hadn't changed much. Looking over at Captain Klein, he said, "I had an interesting conversation with Starman." Worried about what James would find interesting, Captain Klein asked, "What did you talk about?" "Starman told me that we were mentally slow, but clever. That we're emotionally unstable and very aggressive," James said. Snorting, Captain Klein said, "You didn't need a Quatyl to tell you that. I've said that about you ever since the day I met you." James laughed and said, "Your sense of humor is developing quite nicely. One of these days you'll actually make a joke and the universe will disappear." "Don't insult me," Captain Klein replied shaking his head. Leaning back in his chair, James said, "I can see it now. You're standing there on the bridge and say something like, 'Knock, Knock.' Unaware of the consequences of our actions, one of us asks, 'Who's there?' By this time, the entire universe suspects what is going to happen and is trembling out of fear." "What?" Captain Klein asked cursing himself for his curiosity. He had no idea what James was talking about. Ignoring the Captain, James said, "Sending ripples of terror through every sentient creature in the universe, you answer, 'Boo.'" "Boo?" Captain Klein asked. "Yes, you answer, 'Boo.' Still unaware of the consequences of our actions, someone asks, 'Boo who?' From every corner of the universe, sentient beings are praying that you've forgotten the punch line. Much of their disappointment, you say, 'There's no need to cry.'" Captain Klein grimaced at the line. It sounded like a joke that little children would tell each other. Shaking his head, he said, "That's bad." "It's even worse than that. The strong and weak forces that hold atoms together begin to fail. Before you know it, the entire universe is ripped apart in a blinding flash of light. Life as we know it has come to an end," James said with a smile. Looking over at the Captain, he asked, "How does it feel?" "How does what feel?" Captain Klein asked afraid of what James was going to answer. "How does it feel to know that you hold the fate of the universe in the palm of your hand?" James answered. Captain Klein looked at James for a second and then answered, "It makes me feel like I could get away with seeing how long you can live in a vacuum." "That's a good one," James said with a wink. "Returning to the original subject of our discussion, Starman wasn't talking about me, but about our species." From across the room, Ann said, "Actually, I think Starman is right. Well, I do take exception to us being mentally slow." "I don't know. Have you ever dealt with a particularly dense employee?" Captain Klein asked gesturing over at James with his thumb. Ann laughed and said, "Better watch out Captain. You're starting to say funny things." "It is purely unintentional," the Captain replied with a wry smile. ------- In the Quatyl playroom, the discussion focused on James' reaction to Starman's discussion. It was hard to believe that James had reacted to the characterization of his species without being upset. It was even harder to believe that he thought it was fitting. Siegfried asked, "Are you telling me that he wasn't insulted?" "That's right," Starman answered. Stardust said, "I don't think it was anything that they haven't said about themselves." "That's true," Siegfried said. He added, "My pet says that about Starman's pet all of the time." ------- Chapter 14 Aboard his ship, Captain Beac was busy considering his next actions. So far he had met the beasts and come away from the meeting convinced that the beasts didn't represent an immediate threat despite how dangerous the beasts ranked on the Gnord scale. He took into account the fact that other Quatyl had adopted them as pets. He assumed that there was at least a modicum of control over the beasts. It was inconceivable to him that they would have absolutely no control over them. The concerns that had been the foundation for the Gnord's solution didn't apply to what he had discovered during the course of his investigation. He wasn't entirely sure what the situation was and that bothered him. Although he was in overall command of the mission, he felt the need for more advice. Using a Slathern, he commanded, 'Have one of the reserve ships come here.' Before relaying the order, Teac asked, 'Will the Humans feel threatened if another ship approaches?' The question took Captain Beac by surprise. In the past, the ability to mentally control the occupants of other ships meant that they didn't have to worry about the reaction of the alien species. He said, 'Inform the beasts that another of our ships will be joining us.' 'They call themselves Humans, ' Teac answered. He had been spending all of his time trying to learn the language used by the individuals aboard the alien ship. He had learned that the term beast was not viewed too favorably by the humans. 'Inform the Humans that another of our ships will be joining us, ' Captain Beac said. He couldn't decide if Human sounded beastly enough to describe the species. 'Maybe we should ask them if it would be okay, ' Teac said feeling a little nervous. The more he learned about the humans, the more he feared them. The Quatyl from Earth had warned him that humans didn't react too well to surprises. He said, 'We can't really order them around.' 'Okay, ask them, ' Captain Beac said feeling a little uncomfortable. He was finding it difficult dealing with the beasts. It was strange having to take into account their feelings. Aboard the Earth ship, James turned off the alarm he had set on the two ships just as the one ship headed towards them. It had gone from sitting in space to moving towards them almost instantaneously. As he watched the speed of the ship climb, he said, "Wow. This one is really approaching very fast." Captain Klein asked, "How fast?" "Eighty times light speed," James answered double checking the numbers that appeared on his computer monitor. "Eighty times light speed?" Captain Klein asked incredulously. He had thought that the earlier approach of twenty times light speed had been fast. "That's right," James answered. It was still difficult for him to understand just how big space was. The nearest star to the sun, Proxima Centuri, is over four light years away. Even at eighty times the speed of light, the trip would take twenty days. His fingers flew across the keyboard and he said, "At that rate, they'll be here in less than ten days. Of course, they'll have to slow down as they approach us. There is too much space junk around us." "I'm impressed," Captain Klein said watching the progress of the ship on the monitor. It was moving in a corkscrew manner as it avoided obstacles in space. James watched the ship maneuver around the bodies in the space. It seemed to him that they were making corrections for the next obstacle even before they passed the current obstacle. He said, "They must have some killer navigation software. It looks like I've got some work cut out for me." Sitting back in his chair, Captain Klein turned to James and said, "At least they asked permission for their other ship to approach." "That's true. They are a very cute and polite species. They kind of remind me of me," James said. Captain Klein thought he was going to choke. ------- Ken and James were relaxing in the dining hall. Anticipating a long story about having naked women performing outrageous obscene acts upon his body, Ken asked, "What would you do if you could control minds?" "Get into trouble," James answered with a grin. Seeing how Ken had rolled his eyes, he said, "Okay, I'd get into more trouble than usual." "I'm serious," Ken said looking over at James. "So am I," James said. Ken said, "You wouldn't be tempted by the chance to control a woman or two?" James looked over at Ken and said, "What do you think my wife would do when I started controlling the minds of women? She'd filet me." "You could control her mind," Ken said looking over at James. James snorted and said, "She's not a woman, she's my wife! Women become wives when they get married. Don't you know that wives are immune to mind control?" "I didn't think about it like that," Ken said imagining Kim catching him trying to get a horde of women to do something really kinky with him. He couldn't imagine any degree of mind control that could save him from her wrath. It would require an entire horde of women to stand between him and her for him to have any chances of surviving. If the horde of women were busy protecting him, there wouldn't be any women left over for his fantasies. Horrified by the images invoked, he said, "You're right." "So why do you ask?" Shrugging his shoulders, Ken said, "I've been thinking about mind control a lot lately. I was thinking about how I wouldn't have to work another day of my life." James had been thinking about mind control as well. He wondered if Ken's thoughts were along the same lines as his. He asked, "So why are you so interested in mind control?" "Well, I keep asking myself how the Quatyl came to be captains of space ships. There's no way they can physically build and operate a space ship," Ken said. They couldn't even talk to each other without use of the Slathern. It really did make the question of how the Quatyl reached space a very interesting subject for discussion. "You're right. They can't use tools," James said. "I suggested to Starman that we superglue some tools to his feet to see if he could use a wrench, but the little fellow objected strongly to the suggestion." Ken laughed at the mental image that suggested. He said, "I imagine that he was quite upset over the idea." "You could say that. I didn't know that Quatyl knew how to swear," James said shaking his head. "I had no idea," Ken said with a laugh. James said, "There is one thing that I know for sure; they can't use tools." Ken nodded his head and said, "They could if they were controlling another species using mind control." James said, "You know, I've been thinking the same thing. When ever I've tried to get some information out of Starman about how it was that the Quatyl managed to reach space he changes the subject." "So does Fire," Ken said. They weren't the only ones wondering about the Quatyl. A lot of people were asking how the Quatyl managed to make it into space. "So which one of us is going to confront the Quatyl with the accusation that they control minds?" James asked. One glance at Ken gave him the feeling that he wasn't going to like the answer. Holding up his hands in protest, he said, "Not me." "You're the perfect person," Ken said. "Why me?" James asked with a frown. "The general consensus on board the ship is that you're the least stable of all of us. I imagine that makes you the most difficult to control. If you can't control your thoughts, then who can?" Ken said. "I would argue with that, but I doubt I would win that argument," James said. "Argue with what? That you are the least stable person on board the ship or that your lack of stability makes you difficult to control?" Ken asked with a grin. "I'm not difficult to control," James said. Shaking his head, Ken said, "I've got to hear this. What makes you think that you aren't difficult to control?" "Experience. I do everything Ann tells me to do. Her control over me is absolute," James said with a vigorous nod of his head. "That argument won't stand up for a minute. You forget that I know just how well you listen to her," Ken said with a laugh. James shrugged his shoulders and said, "Okay. I'm a little difficult to control." "So that makes you the logical choice to deal with the Quatyl," Ken said. Elsewhere on the ship, Kim, Ann, Captain Klein, and the rest of the crew had come to the same conclusion. It didn't take long for the Quatyl to learn about it. ------- Captain Beac listened to the report from the Quatyl aboard the other ship with a growing sense of horror. He didn't fully understand the full scope of the Human prejudice against slavery. The only thing that he did understand was that they were likely to have a very dangerous enemy once the beasts became aware of how the Quatyl had achieved space faring status. The servant races listened to the same report with a sense of hope. They wondered if the Quatyl would have to release them from almost continuous mental control in order to avoid the wrath of the Earth beasts. There was a real sense that their misery was about to come to an end. Their euphoria took a downward spiral when they finally tapped into the entertainment being broadcast from Earth. It was rather unfortunate that the first broadcast that they managed to unscramble was a movie about Roman gladiators. Everyone sentient being on the space ship watched the screen in horror as men fought men in front of cheering crowds. It was hard to say what was most disturbing about the entire movie. Not one species represented on the ship had ever produced anything comparable as entertainment. About midway through the movie, Bear turned to her mate and said, "Beac, I think that we are in trouble." "I agree," Beac said watching the screen as lions were released into the coliseum. It boggled his mind that the cheers of the crowd were just as loud when the people died as when the lions were killed. With a real sense of growing fear, Bear asked, "What should we do?" "I guess we should send this to Quatyl Space Command," Beac said. He could only imagine how they would react to it. "What do you think they'll do with this information?" Bear asked. "They'll give the problem to a Gnord, but I fear that the Humans will wipe us out before it has a chance to come up with an answer," Beac said watching a human lying on the ground in submission and then being killed while the crowd roared. ------- Looking at James, Captain Klein asked, "Whose bright idea was it to put balloons in the airlock?" A number of people on the bridge started chuckling. Anke, the Captain's wife, had gone into one of the airlocks to repair a solar panel. When the air had been removed, the partially filled balloons that had been taped to the ceiling had expanded to many times their original size. As she had discovered the hard way, fifty balloons were enough to completely fill the space in the airlock. It had taken the poor unfortunate woman almost thirty seconds to realize that she wasn't under attack by some vile space monster. The tenor of her screams changed rather dramatically upon realizing that they were balloons. It went from terror to anger almost instantaneously. The language that had issued forth from her mouth would have embarrassed a sailor. Fortunately for the Captain's demure wife, very few people on board the space ship understood Dutch. Despite not knowing a single word of Dutch, James had been more than happy to translate for her. He was rather creative in the translation so that her reputation hadn't been entirely ruined. Attempting to look innocent, James looked around the bridge for a second and then said, "I seem to recall someone idly speculating about what would happen if a few balloons were left in an airlock. I'm sure that some very bright, curious, and charming person chose to run a little experiment. The entire matter with your wife was undoubtedly a matter of bad timing." "I would like to meet that very bright, curious, and charming person. I have an experiment or two involving airlocks that I would like to try," Captain Klein replied staring at James. "I suspect that you are telling me this in the hope that I will help you find the culprit," James said with a grin. It was a whole lot easier to not find the bad guy when you knew who it was. "No, I have my own ways of finding out," Captain Klein answered with a rather nasty looking smile. "Oh, what is that?" James asked. "I'll punish you until the guilty party confesses," Captain Klein answered. As far as he was concerned, that was a no lose solution. "I don't like that plan at all. Why don't you try a different one?" James suggested. "Such as?" "We can use a process of elimination to identify the guilty party. I'll start by working up a list of questions that will help us identify the guilty party. My questions will be very subtle so that no one will even realize what is really going on. We'll hand out questionnaires to everyone on the crew and assess the answers. I'm sure that eventually we'll locate the guilty party," James answered. "There's no need for you to bother doing that," Captain Klein said. "It is no bother, really," James said. Addressing everyone on the bridge, Captain Klein said, "Would everyone who is bright raise a hand, please?" Everyone on the bridge raised their hands. Captain Klein said, "Would everyone who isn't curious lower your hand?" Everyone still had their hand up. Captain Klein said, "Would everyone who isn't charming lower their hand?" Seeing that the Captain still had his hand raised, James said, "Lower your hand, Captain." "I'm charming," Captain Klein said with a growl. "I'd just hate for the suspicion to fall on you because of that. Now is your chance to escape further inquiry," James said. "Would everyone who isn't crazy enough to pull a dumb stunt like that lower their hand?" James stood there with his hand up in the air. He looked around and noticed that he was still the only one with a hand in the air. Frowning, he said, "That was a trick question." "It wasn't a trick question." James said, "Oh come on everyone. At least half of you are crazy enough to pull a dumb stunt like that." Shaking his head, Captain Klein said, "James, by process of elimination it was you." "Now that you mention it, I may have done it. Oh well, all's well that ends well," James said. "My wife would like to talk to you," Captain Klein said. She had a few choice words that she wanted to deliver to James. Having been on the receiving end of one of his wife's rants, he almost felt sorry for James. Smiling at the Captain, James said, "You can trust me with her, Sir. I'm a mostly married man." "What does mostly married mean?" Captain Klein asked sensing that he was about to get a headache. Ann shook her head and said, "You shouldn't have asked." "It means that I act like a married man until I find a woman who is prettier than my wife and then I revert to my unmarried man state. Since my wife is so pretty, I act like a married man most of the time," James answered. He smiled over at his wife thinking she would appreciate the compliment. Ann snorted and said, "So that explains why your IQ drops fifty points when you meet a pretty girl." "Exactly," James said nodding his head. She always said that when he explained what it meant to be mostly married. "I didn't know it was possible to have a negative IQ," the navigator said provoking another round of laughter from everyone else on the bridge. Shaking his head, Captain Klein said, "My wife, Anke, is waiting for you in the dining hall. You don't want to keep her waiting." Ann said, "She's going to kill you." James pulled out his cape from his pocket and put it on. Smiling at Ann, he said, "Fear not for me, my love. I shall return safe and unharmed. No woman can resist the charm of Superspaceman." Ann rolled her eyes and said, "He's going to die." "I have to warn you. She has less of a sense of humor than I do," Captain Klein said thinking that James had no idea what waited for him. "That's impossible," James said as he left the room. It wasn't his fault that the wrong Klein had gotten into the airlock. He had read the schedule and had been positive that Captain Klein would be using it. When James had left the bridge, Ann said, "You've got to admit that it was rather funny." "Not where my wife can hear me," Captain Klein replied with a chuckle. ------- Ann handed the small bag of ice to James and said, "Put this on your eye. It should keep it from swelling too much." "Thanks," James said accepting the bag of ice from her. He put it over his right eye flinching from the cold. Sitting down on the bed next to her husband, Ann said, "Explain to me again how you got that black eye." "I had just entered the storeroom to get another board for the navigation computer cluster when the she-demon snuck up behind me and popped another balloon. Surprised by the noise, I jumped and knocked down one of the cases of feminine products. It hit me in the face," James answered. He had taken to calling the Captain's wife the she-demon ever since she had started waging a war of revenge for the balloon incident. He glanced over at his wife wondering if she had given any of his stock of balloons to the she- demon. Ann laughed and said, "I just want to make sure that I have the details correct. You got a black eye from a case of sanitary napkins." "Yes," James said sinking into his seat. Between popping balloons when he least expected it and water balloons launched at his back, he had just about reached the point where he was afraid to go anywhere. Shaking his head, he said, "Who knew that they were so dangerous?" The entire episode between James and the Captain's wife was being followed very closely by a large number of sentient beings. The crew had thought that James' use of the balloons had bordered on genius. They also thought the use of the balloons in revenge was just as clever. The Quatyl aboard the Quatyl ship were completely confused by the situation. They argued for several cronons over the significance of putting balloons in the airlock. They could find no reason for anyone to do such a thing. They didn't understand why anyone would then use the balloons against the person who had put them in the airlock. This episode highlighted their lack of understanding of the humans. The servant races were watching the situation with interest. The monkey-like Dactites were so enamored with the idea of balloons in an airlock that they reproduced the entire event. They felt like there was some kind of engineering use for such an odd idea. Every Dactite aboard the ship cycled through a vacuum experiencing the effect of being surrounded by balloons. The Margots were the most aggressive species on board the ship. They were not all that interested in the airlock event. They were more interested in the attacks on James. They viewed the situation as a way for one person to gain superiority over another. All bets were on the Captain's wife since she was going after James very aggressively. The Andicor thought everything about the situation was delightful. The idea of doing something that outrageous appealed to them. It fit well with their passive aggressive character. If the Quatyl hadn't stopped them, water balloons would have become their favorite pastime. The Dromat were trying to establish some logical reason for putting balloons in an airlock. They were surprised to come up with no logical explanation. Dro Mat had met James and wasn't entirely surprised. Of course, the only logical explanation that he was able to offer was that James wasn't exactly a logical sentient being. It should be noted that not one species aboard the ship had ever had an episode in which an individual had put balloons in an airlock. Not once in their entire history spanning hundreds of generations. Five space faring races aboard a single ship and there had never been an episode that was even similar in nature. It took a long time for anyone to realize that. On the other hand, the Quatyl from Earth understood the humor of the situation and were watching the evolving situation with interest. It was the most frequent topic of conversation among them in the Quatyl playroom. The speculations concerning how the situation would come to an end covered the entire spectrum of possibilities. Most just assumed that eventually James would do something back and Anke Klein would hospitalize him. ------- Ice asked, 'How is your pet holding up to the balloon attacks? Is it driving him crazy?' Starman answered, 'That's hard to say. He's acting like himself.' 'That does make it difficult to tell if he's crazy or not, ' Fire said. After a second, he asked, 'Are you still mad at him?' 'I wasn't mad at him. I was just acting that way, ' Starman answered. Wondering why Starman had felt it necessary to act angry with his pet, Ice asked, 'Why were you acting like that?' 'We were discussing tool use and he didn't believe me when I said that it was impossible for us to use tools. He said that he wanted to glue a wrench to my foot to see if I knew how to use it, ' Starman answered. 'Was he serious?' Fire asked. He could easily imagine James doing that. Starman said, 'With him it is sometimes hard to tell.' 'That's why you like having him for a pet, ' Stardust said. ------- Chapter 15 James watched the second Quatyl ship approach their position. It was slowing down, but its approach was still a lot faster than that taken by the first ship. This approach convinced him that the initial approach by the Quatyl had been relatively slow. He said, "They're almost here. I estimate they'll park in our vicinity in about ten minutes." Captain Klein said, "At least we won't be taken by surprise this time." James looked down at his console and, with a smile, said, "Speaking of surprises, where is the she-demon?" "I have no idea who you are talking about," Captain Klein answered watching his wife sneak up on James with a balloon in one hand and a pin in the other. It was hard not to let his pleasure in the sight be visible on his face. James reached into his pocket and pulled out a plastic spider. He tossed it over his shoulder. His effort was rewarded with a startled screech and the pop of a balloon. He had watched her approach in video feed that he had set up to run through the sensor console. Without turning around, he said, "I got you." Shaking her hands in reaction to a spider landing on her, Anke bent down and examined the plastic spider on the floor. If there was one thing that she absolutely hated it was spiders. Shaking her head, she said, "We are in the middle of space. There isn't a place within hundreds of thousands of kilometers from us where you can buy something like that plastic spider. Where did you find it?" "That's Irving. I never go anywhere without Irving. You never know when you need a plastic spider," James answered with a smile. Looking down at the plastic spider, she could only imagine what other kinds of things he had brought with him on the space ship. First it was balloons and then it was plastic spiders. What kind of person traveled to outer space with those kinds of things? Then an even nastier question came to mind. What other kinds of things did a person like that bring with them? She didn't want to find out. She said, "Okay. Truce." "Truce," James said turning around to face her with a smile. Anke looked at her husband while shaking her head. She said, "I have no idea how you can put up with him." James went over and retrieved his plastic spider. Putting it into his pocket, he said, "You're safe now, Irving. The bad people won't hurt you any more." It should be noted that Irving was not one of Ann's favorites among James' little toys. She found Irving in the most remarkable places and it never failed to startle her. She looked up from her console and said, "One of these days, Irving." Anke patted Ann on the back and, in a consoling voice, said, "You must have been very young and stupid when you married him." James returned to his console and said, "The second Quatyl ship has arrived." Captain Klein looked at the screen and shook his head. He hated himself for what he was about to say. Looking over at James, he said, "I am going to send you over to the Quatyl ship to discover what you can about how they became a space faring race." "Can I wear my cape?" James asked. "No," Captain Klein answered. After thinking about it for a second, he said, "On second thought, I going to have to insist that you wear the cape." "You just had to take all of the fun out it," James said shaking his head. ------- Confused, Captain Beac listened to the news concerning the rather sudden cessation of hostilities between James and Anke. Using the Slathern aboard the other space ship, he said, 'Siegfried, I don't understand how throwing a small plastic toy at the female would have any effect.' Knowing that he would never be able to explain all of the subtleties of human behavior to the other Quatyl, Siegfried replied, 'It is very complicated.' 'Are you sure that this species is sane?' Captain Beac asked. The Dromat had come to the conclusion that the humans were insane. None of the participants in the minor feud had displayed even the most rudimentary logic in their actions. He tended to believe them. Siegfried answered, 'We're pretty sure that they are mostly sane. James is just a rather unique example of a human. He's a lot like the first pet. He possesses a quality that is called humor and humans tend to appreciate humor.' 'Mostly sane?' Captain Beac asked sounding worried. He didn't like the sound of that at all. 'Yes, ' Siegfried answered knowing that his answers weren't helping the situation at all. 'Mostly sane?' Captain Beac asked again with a little more panic in his voice. His reports back to Quatyl Space Command were getting worse with each message. He had a feeling that the entire Quatyl race was about to go into hiding. 'It is not like they are totally insane in a bad way, ' Siegfried answered. Feeling depressed, Captain Beac said, 'I'll be sure to add that to my report. They aren't totally insane in a bad way.' ------- When the hatch of the shuttle opened, James peered out and looked at the small crowd that had gathered to welcome him aboard the Quatyl ship. He immediately spotted the three Dromat standing to the one side and recognized Cousin Itt. James smiled and waved to the hairy little creature. Cousin Itt wasn't quite sure how to respond until Starman used the Slathern to announce that the wave was a greeting. He waved back wondering how the gesture was both a greeting and a farewell. He shouldn't have been surprised. His studies of the Earth language had pointed out that just about every word of their language had multiple meanings. He, along with the other Dromats, had been shocked to discover that there were multiple languages among this species. James looked over at the Margots gathered together. He said, "Whoa, giant blue lizards. I bet Anke would just love to find you standing behind her. I bet her screams would echo off the walls for an hour." Starman translated James' comments using the Slathern. James didn't realize that his words were taken as great compliments by the Margots. They were still trying to figure out who had won the fight for status between James and Anke. In their little power plays, there was no concept of a truce. They assumed that his presence on their ship meant that he had won. James took a moment to stare at the Andicor. His first thought was that the large crab-like creature would probably taste good boiled and with a little butter. His second thought was that such a pronouncement probably wouldn't be a good idea. For a change, commonsense won out. Deciding that it was probably best to ignore the Andicor for the moment, he turned his attention to the little Dactites. The Andicor actually appreciated being ignored. The orange little monkey-like creatures were more interested in his ship than in him. Looking at their small size, he said, "I sure could use you little fellows when I'm working on the sensor arrays. You could fit inside the equipment housing and still have room left over to swing a cat." The Dactites had no idea what a cat was, but the invitation to examine alien engineering was quite a surprise. They looked at each other and then at James. Half of them returned to studying the ship while the other half studied James. James then turned his attention over to the Gnord. He wondered what one was supposed to say to a centaur. Unable to come up with anything original, he asked, "You wouldn't happen to speak Greek, would you?" Starman looked up at James for a second and then translated the question. Although the Gnord were not a very curious species, this particular individual couldn't understand why the human was asking if it spoke a human language. The Gnord stared at James for several seconds before it answered, "No." "That's okay. Neither do I," James said despite being a little disappointed. His comment further confused the Gnord. James looked around for Captain Beac and, not finding him present, said, "Take me to your leader." That announcement created more than a little consternation among the servants gathered in the room. The Quatyl almost never left their safety pods and never invited a member of the servant races into them. Of course, the safety pods were too small for anyone except the Dactites so that wasn't really an issue. Finally, Cousin Itt said, "You wouldn't fit in the room." "Oh," James said. He stood there looking at everyone in the room for a second. He shook his head and said, "I've waited my whole life to say that line and then I get told I won't fit in the room. The movies never covered that situation." The Slathern started making a lot of noise. After about a minute, Starman said, "They will take you to your quarters. Captain Beac will join you there in a little while." "Okay," James said. ------- As James was getting settled into his new living quarters, a small fleet of seven ships were observed approaching the lone Quatyl ship parked two light years away. There was one ship in the middle of the fleet surrounded by six other ships equally spaced apart around the central ship. It was an unusual flight pattern and one that Captain Beac had never encountered. He listened to the reports about the fleet with concern. These were ships that were of unknown origin. Thinking that they might be exploratory vessels from Earth, he sent a message to Captain Klein to find out if he knew anything about them. Upon learning that the only ship the humans had that was capable of deep space travel was parked beside his ship, Captain Beac began to get very concerned. He sent a message to the lone Quatyl ship to prepare for first contact with another alien race. Captain Beac turned to his mate and said, 'We are unlucky this trip to have encountered two alien races. One race is mostly sane, but not totally insane in a bad way. We know nothing about the other race.' 'They can't be worse than the humans, ' Bear said. She had never been able to get the horrible images from the movie out of her mind. The idea that humans would cheer while one of them killed another just sent shivers down her spine. 'I should have stayed retired, ' Beac said. He thought about everything that was happening and said, 'I have to go meet the Beast now.' 'The beast has a name, doesn't it?' Bear asked. She knew the answer to her question. She had followed the conflict between James and Anke with the same degree of puzzlement as the rest of the Quatyl. 'Yes. It is James, second generation descendant of the first pet, ' Beac answered. He shook his head and said, 'I wish I understood the significance of throwing a plastic replica of a small species of animal at someone.' 'It could be a mating ritual like how an Anticor male gives food to an Anticor female, ' Bear answered. 'You might be right, but they are both mated to other beasts already, ' Beac said. He felt very old. He had a feeling that he was going to be feeling a whole lot older by the time he was done talking with James. ------- Upon learning that the ships appearing on the sensors were not affiliated with the Quatyl, Captain Klein began to worry. The one person who was most familiar with the sensors was aboard the other ship. That was what really hurt. He had been looking forward to being rid of James for a couple of days. He turned to Ken and asked, "Are you sure that you can operate the sensors?" "Sure, no problem," Ken answered. He chuckled at the thought of what James would have said at that point. "What's so funny?" Captain Klein asked with a frown. "I was just thinking about how James would have answered your question," Ken said. "Oh," Captain Klein said. He turned back in his chair and sat there for a moment. Unable to stop himself, he asked, "How would James have answered my question?" "He'd say, 'Sure, no problem.' Then he'd pause for a few seconds and then say, 'I wonder what would happen if I press this button marked self-destruct, '" Ken answered. "You're probably right," Captain Klein said. He could imagine James saying exactly that. He was thankful that there wasn't a self- destruct button on board the ship. If there had been one, he would never have a good night's sleep again. He would have continual nightmares in which James stumbled across it and pressed it out of curiosity. He was pretty sure that James would press it just to see what would happen. He was quiet for a moment and then asked, "Doesn't it bother you that you're starting to think like him?" "No." "It should," Captain Klein said. Ann giggled at the exchange. ------- James, Starman, and Captain Beac were in the room that had been set aside for James to use during his stay. It was actually a storage facility, but it had the advantage that the ceiling was high enough for James to stand without having to crouch over. James said, "I'm here to find out if you control minds." Captain Beac asked, "Are your quarters high enough?" "They are fine and you are avoiding answering my question," James answered. He had a feeling that it was going to take a long time to get answers to his questions. The communications process wasn't very efficient. He'd ask a question, Starman would translate it into Quatyl and use the Slathern to relay the message to Captain Beac. The captain would answer using the Slathern, Starman would translate the answer into English, and then use the Slathern to relay the answer to James. Once Starman had translated James' comment, Captain Beac asked, 'Starman, how should I answer him?' 'I don't know, ' Starman answered wishing that he did know the right answer to James' questions. He added, 'Just don't lie to him. They hate that.' 'Tell him, yes, ' Captain Beac said. If the humans were the species that the Quatyl feared, then putting off the truth any longer wouldn't help. Starman relayed the answer to James, "Yes." "Yes, what? He's avoiding answering my questions or Quatyl can control minds?" James asked. "We can control the minds of most species," Captain Beac answered. Raising an eyebrow, James said, "Most species? I take it that there are some species that you can't control." "We can't control humans," Captain Beac answered. He looked at James thinking that life would be so much easier if they could control these huge beasts. Starman said, "We can't control most of the species on Earth. We can control the minds of a few rodents and keep dogs from attacking us." "What about the Dromat? Can you control them?" James asked. Knowing that James would ask about each species, Captain Beac answered, "Yes. We can control the minds of all of the species on board this ship." "So they are like puppets on a string," James said. Starman answered, "Not really. We just compel them to do what we want." "Oh, that sounds a whole lot better," James said with a frown. Knowing that the discussion was not going well, Starman said, "We can't help it. We think it and they do it. We don't even have to consciously think it." "So you are trying to tell me that it is some sort of reflex," James said. He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of enslaving others through a reflexive action. It sounded a little better than doing it intentionally. "Yes. That's a good way to put it," Starman said. "How do the... ," James started to ask. He found he was searching for a word to use for the aliens aboard the ship. He asked, "How do the critters you control feel about it?" "I don't know," Captain Beac answered rather stunned by the question. It had never occurred to him to even ask. "I'd like to talk to a couple of the critters on board this ship," James said. He knew that it wouldn't do much good, but he had to try to find out something. He frowned and added, "Of course, you could compel them to tell me whatever you wanted me to hear." Starman turned to Captain Beac and said, 'He won't believe anything he hears.' 'I know, ' Captain Beac said. 'Their space station is too far away for us to exert any control, ' Starman said. 'Will he believe that?' Captain Beac asked. 'Yes, ' Starman answered. Captain Beac wondered what one of the servants would tell James if given a chance to speak its mind. Looking up at James, he was once again reminded of just how large the beasts were. He said, "I need to think of a solution to this problem." "Think away, but it had better be a good one," James said. The last thing he wanted to report to the people of Earth was that the Quatyl were a bunch of mind control slavers. Wishing he was five thousand cronons younger, Captain Beac moved over to the door. The Andicor outside opened the door before he reached it. Captain Beac realized he hadn't even thought about it. The Andicor had just acted as soon as he thought about having the door opened. Depressed, he headed off to his safety pod to discuss the matter with the other Quatyl. There were a few things that were bothering Starman. He looked up at James and asked, "Why did you require Captain Beac to tell you about our ability to control minds? You could have forced me to tell you that." James smiled. He reached down and picked up Starman. He cradled the Quatyl in his arm. Running a hand down his pet's back, James answered, "There are some things that you just don't do to a pet." Starman was too busy purring to come up with a reply. He'd been afraid that James would never stroke him like that again. He had hated the idea of losing his pet. ------- The seven mystery ships came to a halt one light second distance from the lone Quatyl ship. Even as the Quatyl ship tried to establish contact with the strange craft, the ship in the center of the formation opened fire upon it. Three shots later, the Quatyl ship was no more. Captain Klein had watched the attack on the monitor at the front of the bridge. It took a second for him to realize what he had seen. One second there were eight ships sitting out there and then the next second there were only seven. Frowning, he said, "Sound battle stations. Have them load the nukes." Ann hit the alarm and got on the intercom to the weapons storage area. Everyone was running around like mad. The Quatyl in the playroom didn't know what had happened, but they recognized the alarm. Most of them wondered if the beasts had declared war on the Quatyl. Ken was at the sensor control panel thinking that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Turning to look at Ann, he said, "Tell Kim to arm our fighters with the nukes." Ann waved at him and started typing at the keyboard. Captain Klein turned to the navigator and said, "I want to talk to Captain Beac. Go get Siegfried and bring one of those giant slugs up here with you." The navigator fled towards the Quatyl playroom to fetch Siegfried and a Slathern. He was upset that a whole ship of Quatyl had been destroyed. From what he had been able to see, the Quatyl had done nothing to deserve such destruction. James was crouched on the bridge of the Quatyl ship watching the feed as the other ship was destroyed. When the torpedoes had been launched, everyone on the bridge was stunned. There had been no warning of any kind. When the feed cut off, no one moved. Unconscious of what he was doing, Captain Beac was slowly moving back towards his safety pod. In a very tight voice, James said, "That was not very friendly." Starman looked up at James and then used the Slathern to announce, 'Uh oh, they're in trouble now.' The comment caused Captain Beac to ask, 'Who is in trouble now?' 'The aliens, ' Starman answered. 'Why do you say that?' Captain Beac asked. As far as he could tell, the Quatyl were in trouble. 'I've never seen James this angry, ' Starman answered. Familiar with how humans reacted to unprovoked attacks, he had a feeling that the pets were preparing for war on board the Earth ship. Looking at James, Captain Beac couldn't see any signs that the beast was angry. He said, 'Are you sure?' 'Very sure, ' Starman answered. He looked up at James worried that his pet hadn't said anything. The longer James went without making a joke, the worse it was. He added, 'I've never seen him this angry.' Turning to look at Captain Beac, James asked, "Why haven't you sounded battle stations?" "Quatyl don't have battle stations," Starman answered. There was no way to communicate the concept of battle stations in Quatyl. James looked down at Starman and asked, "Do you mean to tell me that those Bastards destroyed an unarmed ship?" "Yes. All Quatyl ships are unarmed," Starman answered. "All Quatyl ships are scout ships." James folded his arms and, tight lipped, said, "You better tell Captain Klein that." Starman looked at James and shivered. James was even angrier now. He turned to Captain Beac and said, 'I think that the species in charge of those ships is about to become extinct.' ------- Chapter 16 James examined the sensor display for a minute and then announced, "At the speed they have, they'll be here in ten days." "Thank you," Captain Klein said. "They might speed up their arrival," James said. After watching the enemy make a minor detour, he said, "I had better write a program to plot the most likely trajectory the mystery aliens will take." "That would be a good idea," Captain Klein said thinking that would keep James busy for the next day or two. Running his fingers across the keyboard, James said, "Sing your sweet songs to me my little silicon birdie." "Silicon birdie?" Kim asked. She wondered where he came up with those kinds of statements. "Oh, yes! You're a good little germanium girl," James said with a million watt smile. He looked up and said, "I've plotted their course. You'll have a running countdown to their arrival." Captain Klein shook his head before he looked at the results projected on the front screen by James. That program should have taken him a couple of days to write. He asked, "What if they change course and speed?" "It will automatically recalculate the result," James answered patting the console. No matter how goofy James was, he couldn't deny that the guy was the most brilliant programmer with whom he had ever worked. Captain Klein said, "Good job." James smiled when he saw that a new program had been added while he was visiting the Quatyl ship. James tapped a couple of keys and smiled. Looking over at Captain Klein, he said, "I just found a program called self-destruct. Do you think I should run it to see what it does?" "No," Captain Klein shouted. He turned pale when he saw James start typing. Worried, he looked over at Ken who winked at him. James started the program. Reading out the messages as they were printed to the console, he said, "Five Four Three Two One Boom." "He did it," Captain Klein said sinking into his chair. "Very funny, Ken," James said. "I thought you'd enjoy it," Ken said. "I would have added sound effects and flashing lights," James said as he started typing. Wondering what it would take to get transferred off the ship, Captain Klein turned to Ann and said, "Check how much longer it will be before the additional fighters are delivered." "We'll get two more in five days and then five more in fifteen days," Ann answered after checking with the space station. Turning to Ken, Captain Klein asked, "There are seven enemy ships. Are four fighters and this ship sufficient to take care of all seven of them?" "I have no idea," Ken answered. He had studied the recordings of the attack on the Quatyl ship for hours trying to learn as much from the recordings as he could. The Quatyl had provided him with the feed that had originated with the attacked ship. "Make a guess," Captain Klein said. Ken said, "It is hard to say for sure, but their weapons don't seem that advanced. They basically fired on the Quatyl without warning. It still took three torpedoes to destroy the Quatyl ship. As far as I can tell, one of our nukes could take out a Quatyl ship." "What does that tell you?" Captain Klein asked. Kim answered, "They might be gung ho to kill, but they are amateurs." "Why do you say that?" Captain Klein asked looking over at her. She answered, "They had the Quatyl out numbered, but they destroyed them rather than take the ship. If they destroy every ship they encounter, then they can't be incorporating alien technology into their ships. Anyone that doesn't take advantage of an opportunity to study their opponent is an amateur when it comes to war." "That's true," James said nodding his head in agreement. "What do you know about that?" Captain Klein asked rolling his eyes. James was the last person he would turn to for advice on how to wage a war. Ann answered, "He didn't get to be a master of practical jokes without studying his victims." "How about saying stupid things? Did he study that too?" Captain Klein asked. Ann shook her head and answered, "No. He comes by that naturally." "Hey!" "I'd believe that," Captain Klein said. He looked at everyone on the bridge and asked, "Does anyone have a suggestion about how we handle the aliens?" Everyone looked from one person to the next. Finally, James said, "We need to surprise them with overwhelming force." "How do you suggest we do that?" Captain Klein asked. The Quatyl had two unarmed ships and they were the only Earth ship. No matter how many times he did the calculation, it still came out seven to one in favor of the bad guys. James shrugged his shoulders and said, "We put out lots remote controlled torpedoes. When they start something, we finish it. Some of the torpedoes should be ballistic so that we can recover one or two of their ships after we've disabled them." "And where would we hide these torpedoes?" Captain Klein asked. "Why hide them?" James asked rather surprised by the suggestion. "So they don't know they are there," Ken answered talking to James like he was a simpleton. "Well, if they don't know they are there then what will they shoot at first?" James asked shaking his head. Answering his own question, he said, "They'll shoot at us? I don't think I like that idea." "He's got a point," Kim said hating the idea that she agreed with him. "It is even a good one," Ann said. Ken said, "It does make sense to give them something else to shoot at first. We could build torpedoes a whole lot quicker than spaceships." "Why am I worried?" Captain Klein asked rhetorically. Getting excited, James said, "The Quatyl ship is full of alien races. I bet that we could use what they know to create some really nasty surprises for the bastards." Captain Klein groaned and held his stomach. Worried, Anke asked, "Does your stomach hurt?" "The idea that I'm about to take advice from James is giving me an ulcer," he answered. He wondered if he needed to have his head examined. "Don't worry. I've got it all under control," James said rubbing his hands together. "Captain Klein, I'd be worried if I were the enemy," Ken said looking over at James. The last time James had looked like that he had nearly gotten thrown out of high school. He added, "That's the look he gets when he's planning something really big." "That's bad?" Captain Klein asked. "It depends on whose side you're on. If you think the balloon trick was bad, you should hear about the one he pulled in high school," Ken said. James said, "You're not going to tell him that old story, are you?" "Yes, I am," Ken said. Knowing that Ken was a lousy story teller, James said, "You know how all high schools have indoor fountains that are intended to provide a nice calming influence on students?" "No," Captain Klein said. His school didn't have a single fountain anywhere on campus. There was a little hope that his answer would prevent James from continuing the story. "A hundred years ago a bunch of students started killing other students in public schools. The wonderful minds in government decided that schools needed to be softer gentler places. They started putting plants and fountains inside the schools. It didn't help at all, but the tradition remains," Ken explained. "What did they do about that problem?" Captain Klein asked. Kim said, "The problem of students killing other students was temporarily solved by periodic psychological testing to identify problem students and then drugging them to the gills. That worked, but a longer term solution was required. Amazingly, after years and years of study, they found that preventing students from bringing weapons to school had a drastic effect on the number of students who were killed." James said, "My high school had six fountains. They were really beautiful. They sprayed water high into the air and it cascaded down the sides of the centerpiece remarkably nicely." "I'm sure they were lovely fountains," Captain Klein remarked. "Well, one day they started calling to me. As I listened to them burble like fountains do, I realized that they wanted to be a more integral part of the high school experience. Of course, the only one who could make that happen was me and I had to answer the call," James said. Captain Klein turned to Ann and asked, "Are you sure that he passed the psychological tests necessary to get into space?" "He aced it," Ann answered with a shrug of her shoulders. She didn't understand how he had managed to pull that one off. The testers had remarked that he was one of the calmest people under pressure that they had ever encountered. Captain Klein said, "He must have cheated somehow." James shook his head at the accusation and then continued his story. He said, "Well, I found some liquid soap and added it to the water one day after school." Everyone on the bridge stared at James wondering what the big deal about that was. Ken chuckled at the memory and said, "All night long those fountains sprayed water in the air. They just created more and more bubbles. For fourteen hours those six fountains created bubbles." James shrugged his shoulders and said, "I might have added a little too much soap." Ken laughed and said, "When they opened the doors in the morning, a solid wall of foam spilled out of the school. It took them all day to get rid of all of those bubbles." "You've got to admit that everyone laughed," James said. "Does anyone have a better idea on how we can deal with the aliens?" Captain Klein asked while he stared at the floor. When no one answered, he added, "Please." ------- None of the Quatyl could believe that the beasts were working so actively to meet the new aliens. When they couldn't make as many of the torpedoes as was desired, they had been asked to create huge structures covered with thin metallic foil. The Quatyl couldn't believe that the beasts wanted craft with such huge radar signatures built. Their first instinct was to hide, not to advertise that they were there. All of the servant species were a little worried about what the beasts were asking them to do. There didn't seem to be any logic in their approach. The interesting thing was that each species differed in what they considered to be the logical approach in dealing with the enemies. The Dactites didn't care about the logic of the response. They tended to flee when the odds of winning were low, but would fight when there was a good chance of winning. They weren't quite sure what the chances of winning were, but they were happy building all kinds of new devices. The Humans had some rather novel engineering practices in which they combined things in ways that were completely different from anything the Dactites had ever considered. The Dromats weren't quite sure about the logic of the Human approach to dealing with the threat. They would have preferred to use logic to convince the enemy to leave. Of course, having witnessed the sudden destruction of the first Quatyl ship they recognized that if they were dead that they wouldn't have much chance to talk. There was one thing that the Humans did that the Dromats really appreciated — the devices being constructed for the humans incorporated a lot of levers. They grew very excited when they saw the plans for the façade that was going to be used to draw the attention of the enemy. They didn't know that it was based on the old-fashioned umbrella. When they finally found the plans for the umbrella it became an overnight fashion requirement. The passive aggressive Andicors thought that the perfect way to deal with the enemy was to build ships that could withstand repeated hits from the enemy and just frustrate them into leaving. The ultra aggressive approach of the Humans was in direct conflict with their notion of how to handle the situation. In discussing the matter, Humans and Andicor came to the conclusion that the other species was completely insane. The Margots thought that the appropriate response was to charge forward and test the enemy with a quick attack. If the enemy was too strong, then they would flee. The idea of waiting for the enemy to approach was just too timid for them. The idea of not planning on how to flee was viewed as irresponsible. The Gnord were still trying to frame the problem for solution and hadn't yet decided what they thought of the Human approach to dealing with the enemy. The one thing that they did know was that the idea of staying there scared them. ------- Ken looked over at Captain Klein with a smile. He said, "We've got four fighters, a hundred giant umbrellas and twenty five nukes out there. Now those are odds you have to love." "We're fighting them with umbrellas and nukes," Captain Klein repeated. This was the first that he'd heard of the umbrellas. He'd known about the nukes. They had managed to get nine nuclear torpedoes delivered in addition to those on the four fighters. He had thought that was the whole extent of James' plan. Of course, he knew that had been wishful thinking on his part. "The umbrellas are critical to our plans," James said. Captain Klein stared at James. He wasn't too pleased to hear that their whole defense relied upon umbrellas. He said, "The umbrellas are critical to our plans." "That's right. We're going to open a bunch of them now and move so that the bad guys won't know which umbrella we're hiding behind," James said tapping on his keyboard. The screen at the front of the control room showed a picture of the arrangement of umbrellas that he had created. "So we're surrounding them with umbrellas so that we can hide behind one of them," Captain Klein said staring at the graphic. The umbrellas were arranged such that the handle was facing where they expected the alien ships to stop. Shaking his head, he asked, "Why umbrellas?" "To confuse them," James said. "So what do these umbrellas do?" Captain Klein asked thinking that the aliens weren't the only ones confused by the umbrellas. He wondered how he was ever going to explain to Earth that they were was using umbrellas to defend the solar system. Grinning, Ken answered, "The open parts of the umbrella don't do much of anything except give us something to hide behind and gives them a great big target to shoot at. Because we couldn't build a whole bunch of ships, we needed to give them nice juicy targets." "We're hiding behind aluminum foil that won't stop a BB," Captain Klein said. "The handles shoot ballistic loads," James said. He asked, "What kind of ballistic load are you talking about?" "Fifty millimeter cannons. They fire one shot each," Ken answered. He wasn't going to comment on the fact that they were using alien technology in the cannons. "That will just bounce off their ships," Captain Klein said looking at Ken as if he was crazy. He had asked them to coordinate a defense with the Quatyl and they had spent all of that time making umbrellas. He was getting a head ache. "I know. It's great isn't it?" James replied with a grin. Seeing that Captain Klein was about to have a stroke, Ann said, "Tell him the whole story, guys." James shook his head in disgust. He really just wanted to see his plan in operation. Explaining it all up front kind of ruined the surprise. He said, "You're taking all of the fun out of this. I'm really enjoying the way that vein in his forehead is throbbing." "Tell him," Ann said. Finally, Ken relented and said, "Okay. Look at it this way. You meet an alien race in the middle of space. You've got no idea what kind of weapons they have. There are a couple of space ships in the middle of nowhere surrounded by long thin cylinders. Suddenly those cylinders open into huge parabolic lens aimed at you. Where do you think the weapons are?" "Those are the weapons," Captain Klein answered seeing James' logic at last. "That's right. It is like going to battle and finding the enemy has a hundred tanks. Now while you are banging away on the tanks, the real weapons are being fired at you from completely different locations," Ken said. "It's like a magic trick. While you're getting the poor slob to look at your right hand, your left hand is removing their underwear," James said. "That's a visual I could have done without," Captain Klein said rubbing his forehead. "Think of it as an ambush," Ken said. Looking up at the display at the front of the room, Captain Klein said, "We've got two days." ------- The Chitiniodians were an insect-like space faring species. They looked a lot like a preying mantis except their exterior was not made of chitin, but of a slightly softer material. They were a lot like a preying mantis in terms of behavior with the exception that females did not bite the heads off of the males during mating. The Chitiniodians shared one characteristic with the Quatyl — they were extremely xenophobic. The presence of an alien species set their mandibles on edge. Unlike the Quatyl who favored locating hostile space faring races and hiding from them, the Chitiniodians were on a crusade to eliminate all other alien species. As a species it was hard to decide which their motto was — shoot first and ask later or the only good alien is a dead alien. Their monstrous space fleet had already destroyed eleven space faring races and beaten back another three to a mere shadow of their former glory. Promotion within the Chitiniodian fleet was basically by the numbers. An officer entered the service as an ensign and served as a weapons specialist. Pushing the button that killed an alien ship counted as one point. After acquiring twenty-five points, an ensign would be promoted to Lieutenant. This was not easy. A ship usually had fifteen ensigns who competed eagerly for each kill. A lieutenant oversaw five ensigns and a section of the enlisted crew. Whenever one of his ensigns destroyed a ship, the lieutenant acquired another point. Often a lieutenant's success depended upon getting the enlisted crew to position the ship so that it could target the enemy. This required him to cooperate with two other lieutenants since positioning the ship required cooperation among navigation, engineering, and life support. When the lieutenant reached a hundred points, he was promoted to ship commander. That gave him command of an entire ship. The ship commander was in charge of all lieutenants under his command and communications. He was one ship among seven in a battle fleet. In an engagement in which the aliens were significantly outnumbered, the honor of first shot went to the captain of the fleet. It was only in an outnumbered engagement that a lieutenant could rack up the points towards promotion. A ship commander had to destroy a hundred alien ships to get promoted to captain of the fleet. The captain of the fleet led seven ships and got credit for any kill by a ship in his command. It was up to the captain of the fleet to search out any alien territories. Years could go by before he found a fertile region of space, but often promotions came fast and furious once that happened. With another two hundred kills, a captain of the fleet would get promoted to Admiral. That put him in command of a planet killer fleet that was comprised of a hundred ships. Admirals also led a hundred and fifty hunter fleets of seven ships each that would explore an area of space searching for an alien home world. An admiral had to destroy three planets before he could get promoted into the ranks of government service as a Lord. More often than not, that gave him control of the three planets that had been conquered. With the destruction of the local intelligent species, the planets would be populated by other Chitiniodians and he would begin building a fleet of his own. The captain of the Chitiniodian 109th hunter fleet of the 11th Admiralty, whose approximate name in English was Nine Clicks — One Thrum — Two Clicks (or 9c1t2c), felt good about having eliminated another alien space ship. He only had to destroy another eight alien ships before he would be eligible for an automatic promotion to admiral. As an admiral, he would be in a position to lead a hundred ships in a planetary bombardment. That had been a dream of his ever since his first molting. Captain 9c1t2c was the highest ranking captains of the 11th Admiralty. In fact, there wasn't a higher ranking captain in the entire Chitiniodian Space Fleet. He was experienced and had been through some very impressive engagements without suffering even a single loss of a ship in his command. Captain 9c1t2c had earned the reputation of being invincible. It was a well earned reputation. In the last great battle between the Chitiniodian Space Fleet and the Boggums, nearly three quarters of the Chitiniodian Space Fleet had been destroyed. His fleet of seven ships had survived the entire battle without damage and had taken out the last remaining ships of the alien space fleet. After eliminating the Quatyl scout ship, the captain had been overjoyed to spot three more ships at a minor distance from his current position. He headed directly towards them. As they approached, there were suddenly the additional signatures of six space craft. Shortly after that, the original three ships disappeared. He assumed that the three ships had fled and a battle fleet had taken their place. Confident that his fleet of seven war ships could handle ten times that number, he didn't give much thought to it other than the fact that he would be that much closer to promotion to admiral. Upon coming out of high speed drive, Captain 9c1t2c performed the normal pre-battle scan. The initial scan results were rather puzzling. There were six huge craft with signatures so large that they were visible with the naked eye. There were more than a hundred smaller craft with signatures so small that they couldn't be targeted with his missiles. Captain 9c1t2c turned to the ship commander and, clicking his mandibles, asked, "What do you make of this?" "It looks like a planetary defense," Commander 4c3t4c (four clicks — three thrums — four clicks) answered. "There's no planet here," Captain 9c1t2c replied. The clicks had just finished when the sensors showed that ninety-four of the small signatures suddenly mushroomed into huge signatures. Seeing the change, Captain 9c1t2c ordered, "All ships open fire." It should be said that from the Chitiniodian perspective, the first volley was extremely disappointing. The missiles passed through the electromagnetic signatures without exploding. Captain 9c1t2c, using the Chitiniodian equivalent, said, "What the hell?" ------- Chapter 17 Tongue stuck out like a little kid drawing, James watched the feeds from the sensor platforms. When the aliens came to a stop, he said, "They're here." Ann shook her head knowing that he had stolen the delivery of that line from a movie. Captain Klein, blissfully unaware of the cultural reference, said, "Send the greeting message." Ann hit the button that broadcast the message across the known communications channels. It was a declaration of peaceful intentions and an invitation to talk. To prevent giving away the location of the ship, the communications were routed through a small communications satellite that was located a quarter of a light second away. Almost a minute passed before she reported, "There's no answer." "They're scanning the area," James said. Captain Klein said, "Open the umbrellas and rebroadcast the message." James typed a few commands on his console while Ann sent out the message a second time. When the Chitiniodians opened fire on his umbrellas, James said, "They sure aren't a very friendly bunch." Captain Klein stared at the screen. A number of holes had appeared in the umbrellas where the weapons had passed through the thin metal foil. He said, "Return fire." James ran his fingers over the keys for a second and said, "Fire returned, sir." Captain Klein looked over at James and shook his head. He didn't trust it when James talked like that. He watched the screen. There were massive explosions at six of the alien craft. Unlike the movies, the explosions didn't make a sound. They were just little flashes on the screen. The ships weren't destroyed, but they did start to spin in an uncontrolled manner. Frowning, he asked, "What happened?" "The Electromagnetic Pulse probably fried all of their electronics," James answered studying the feeds from the sensors. He had expected the ships to get vaporized, not spin out of control. Nodding his head, he studied the sensors. He said, "Yep. They are electrically dead." "Oh," Captain Klein said. He figured that the enemy would have been shielded against an EMP. The last remaining ship fired another salvo at the umbrellas. James asked, "Should we torpedo it?" "Not yet," Captain Klein said. He turned to Ann and said, "Send them a message demanding their surrender." "Yes, sir," Ann said as she entered the appropriate command. The last remaining ship fired another salvo at the umbrellas. The result was the same as the first two salvos — a bunch of holes appeared in the foil, but none of the weapons exploded. There was one minor problem and that was that one of the weapons passed very close to their ship. James asked, "Now?" "Yes," Captain Klein answered thinking that they had been lucky with so many missiles fired in their direction. James was about to type the command when he noticed something on the sensors. He said, "Hold on a minute." "They're firing at us man," Captain Klein yelled. "No. They've been holed," James replied watching as fragments of the ship separated. "What do you mean, they've been holed?" Captain Klein asked staring at James. "Uh, it looks like the cannons took out their ship," James answered scratching his head. He had just meant to use the cannons as a distraction. Although he didn't know it, he had just discovered a major weakness of the Chitiniodian ships. Like all ships that fired weapons from within their meteor shielding, they had to lower a portion of their shields when they fired their weapons. By a very odd bit of luck, two 50mm projectiles managed to reach the ship at the same time they had lowered their shields for the third salvo. Captain Klein asked, "How did they reach the ship in that short of a time?" "I launched them at five hundredths of the speed of light. It took them nearly fifty seconds to reach them," James answered. At the high speeds they were traveling, the two projectiles had torn through the ship leaving a swath of destruction behind. Captain Klein stared at the screen unable to believe that they had managed to defeat the enemy fleet with umbrellas. At nearly a light year from their position, there were flashes on the screen showing that the first salvo of missiles fired by the aliens had exploded. Frowning, he asked, "What was that?" "I guess their weapons have an autodestruct if they don't encounter a target," James answered. It made sense. It wasn't particularly healthy to have armed missiles cruising through space forever. Captain Klein turned to Ann and said, "Have our fighters investigate the wrecks." Ann relayed the orders to the four fighters that had moved into fighting distance once the umbrellas had opened. Fire King and Ice Queen would investigate the lead ship while the other two pilots would investigate one of the other six ships. James looked over at Captain Klein and said, "I'd say that went well." "It went better than I expected," Captain Klein replied. Standing up from his console, James asked, "Do you know what the best thing about this was?" "I'm afraid to ask," Captain Klein answered. He ignored the next set of explosions that were taking place a light year away. His attention was focused on the fact that James was wearing his cape. He hadn't realized that. Taking a heroic pose, James answered, "I can tell my uncle that I, Super-spaceman, and my wife, Super-spacewoman, have protected him from the evil intergalactic hordes on their way to ravage our solar system!" "I feel sorry for your uncle," Captain Klein said shaking his head. The sad thing was that it was true. James had protected them. James looked at Captain Klein and said, "Do you want to know something else, Captain Klein?" "What?" "You're a hero for saving Earth. Who knows, you just might get a cape of your own," James said with a grin. ------- The reaction of the Quatyl aboard the Quatyl scout ships to the unfolding battle was one of stunned shock. They had been ready to flee the moment the Chitiniodians had opened fire. The first salvo had consisted of a hundred and five missiles. The second and third salvos had consisted of fifteen missiles each. The idea that any race would travel with that kind of destructive intent was staggering. The human response of six missiles had looked rather pathetic compared to the rate of fire unleashed by the aliens. All of the servant species had watched the initial exchange assuming the worst. The result of the human missiles had been extremely surprising. The sudden destruction of the final Chitiniodian ship had appeared like magic. Captain Beac stared at the feed from the human ship wondering what had happened to destroy the ship. The small projectiles didn't even register on the sensors. One second the ship was firing and then the next second it was coming apart. Captain Beac asked, 'What happened?' 'They destroyed the whole fleet, ' Bear answered staring at the sensors. The destruction of the last ship didn't make sense to her. 'How did they destroy the last ship?' Captain Beac asked. Bear answered, 'I don't know. These humans are dangerous.' 'I know, ' Captain Beac answered staring at the scene of destruction that was floating in space. From aboard the Explorer, Siegfried used a Slathern to communicate to the Quatyl Scout ship. He said, 'The humans have been victorious.' 'What are they doing?' Captain Beac asked. Siegfried answered, 'They are celebrating their victory.' Bear said, 'These humans are very dangerous.' ------- While investigating the remains of the lead ship, Ken noticed that one part of the vessel was nearly intact. He maneuvered his fighter to investigate the matter further. As he came around, he could see that it was laid out like the bridge of a ship. Excited, he got on the radio and said, "This is Fire King. I've found something interesting." Ann replied, "What?" "It looks like the command deck of the ship. It is pretty much intact," Ken answered. There was a long moment of silence while Ann relayed the news to the captain. Ann said, "Stay where you are, Fire King. We're sending a shuttle out to tow it back to the ship." "Will do," Ken said resigned to floating in space for a while longer. So far this engagement had been pretty boring from his perspective. He didn't even get to fire one of his torpedoes. It was nearly an hour before two shuttles appeared beside Ken's fighter. The pilot of one of the shuttles said, "Fire King, this is Dowser. We're here to tow your find back to the ship." Ken replied, "Dowser, the find is right in front of me." "We see it, Fire King," Dowser replied. "Good, Dowser," Ken replied. "This is Ice Queen. I'm on my way over to check out one of the other ships," Kim announced. "Hold on Ice Queen," Ken said, "Dowser, do you need me here?" "You're free to go, Fire King. We can handle it from here," Dowser answered. "Ice Queen, this is Fire King. I'm on my way to join you. You need a little fire by your side," Ken said. "Promises, promises," Kim answered. ------- The six intact ships were found to have no survivors within them. All that remained of the aliens were green smears on the interior walls. The electronics systems throughout the ship were fried, but they could still learn a lot from the remaining hulks. All of the races, except for Quatyl, were aboard the ships poking and peering into every nock and cranny. Unexploded missiles were neatly lined up in the racks that feed the launching mechanism. The ships were a treasure trove of technology and the humans loved to reverse engineer alien technology. After all, that was how they reached space. The little Dactites, wearing their space suits, swarmed over the wreckage of the lead ship that had been towed back to the human ship. They were having more fun than any Dactite could recall having since the race first encountered the Quatyl. They appreciated the chance to completely dismantle the alien space ship. The Dactites had just removed a large console and discovered what appeared to be the hardware of a computer. Their initial examination convinced them that it had been undamaged. It was immediately brought back to the human ship by the four Dactites that had discovered it. They knew that it would require the cold logic of a Dromat to figure out how to access the computer. Wearing a space suit, James met the Dactites in the dock. They were soon joined by two Dromats. It was an odd group of suited figures that stood around the computer trying to decide what to do with it. Grabbing a pencil and paper, James started drawing as the others gathered around him. There were head shakes, arm waves, and other gestures as the pencil was passed from one to the next. For the next two days, no one saw or heard from James, the Dactites, or the Dromats. The dock remained locked and inaccessible. Much to the displeasure of the crews, the shuttles and fighters that had been on duty had to land at the Quatyl ships. Every one was demanding that the dock be redesigned. While having James locked away for two days was viewed as a positive turn of events by Captain Klein, Ann was worried. The great fear was that there might be some disease that could be brought aboard the ship with the introduction of alien germs. She stood beside the door to the dock worried that he was lying dead on the floor. Ann did not have a reason to be worried. Working with the Dactites and the Dromats, James had constructed an isolation chamber. They had kept the dock in a vacuum until the alien computer had been put into the isolation chamber. It was only after getting a good connection to the computer and filling the isolation chamber with nitrogen that the atmosphere was returned to the dock. James and the Dromats had attacked the problem of decoding the programming with a vengeance. They worked with single-minded intent to learn the secrets of their attacker. The Dactites scurried around making the electronics required to interface with the machine. Everyone was having a great time. Two significant successes occurred while they were working together. The first was that James, the two Dromats, and the four Dactites had figured out how to communicate without requiring the presence of Quatyl and Slatherns. The second was that they had managed to decode the programming language of the Chitiniodians. It should be mentioned that the first success was far more important that the second, although it would be a while before that was realized by anyone. James, the two Dromats, and the four Dactites went over the data contained within the computer. They had been extremely fortunate in the find. The computer had been the tactical computer for the Chitiniodians. The picture that emerged was disturbing. The entire history of the ship was encoded within the crystalline memory of the computer. All of the battles it had engaged in were recorded. The tactics used by the Chitiniodians were described in gory detail and it should be acknowledged that the details were pretty gory. James had viewed the data with a growing sense of horror. The sheer number of alien ships that had been destroyed was mind boggling. He realized that if his tactics had failed, that the Chitiniodians would have gone on to Earth and bombed it into dust. He had managed to stumble upon a strategy that the Chitiniodians had never encountered. After reviewing the data for a day, he said, "We need to tell the others." One of the Dromat said, "This is very disturbing." "There is no talking with them," the other Dromat said seeing that they received the communications to talk and had ignored them. "We have to prepare for war," James said knowing that it was inevitable that the Chitiniodians would be back. The record was very clear in what they could expect. The two Dromat discussed the matter between them for a full five minutes. After their discussion, one of the Dromat said, "You are right. Logic dictates that course of action." "Quatyl and Human have to form an alliance or all will be lost," the other Dromat said. James didn't realize that having a Dromat agree with him was so significant. He didn't know that no one ever argued with a Dromat and won. If they agreed with him, then everyone would ultimately agree with him. The Dactites stared at the Dromats understanding the significance of their statement. ------- Safely nestled in his safety pod, Captain Beac listened to the report of the Dromat. About the time the Dromat had started to convey how many space faring species the Chitiniodians had eliminated, he lost consciousness. This was the great enemy that the Quatyl had feared ever since getting control of their environment. The other Quatyl listened to the story with a growing sense of horror. The idea of facing an enemy in battle went against their inner-most character. It was impossible for them to even consider war. Captain Beac regained consciousness about the time that the Dromat announced, "Quaytl and Human will have to form an alliance or all will be lost." "All what will be lost?" Captain Beac asked thinking there had to be some way to hide until this threat passed. "The Chitiniodians will kill all Quatyl and servant races. Every settled planet will be destroyed. There will be nowhere to hide. They will launch a half of a million ships to find us," the Dromat answered. Hoping for the best, Captain Beac asked, "There's got to be a place to hide." "They will search every star and every planet around every star in our entire sector of space," the Dromat replied. "Every star?" "They have done it before and they will do it again," the Dromat said. He shook once in a manner that set his hair floating around him. This was used by the Dromat to indicate that what it had just said was inevitable. "The Humans are crazy," Captain Beac said. The whole idea of aligning with a slightly insane species over which they had no control was terrifying. The mental image evoked was similar to that of saddling up a tiger and taking it for a Sunday afternoon ride. That thought wasn't reassuring. In total agreement with Captain Beac, the Dromat replied, "That is why they won the last battle. It is our only hope." ------- Captain Klein thought his head was going to explode as he listened to Captain Beac. The conversation had started out innocently enough when Captain Beac had come over to the ship. He should have known that it was a rather significant for the Quatyl to leave the safety of his ship to visit. With Siegfried and a Slathern present, the Quatyl Captain said, "You are concerned about our mind control over the servant races." "Yes, we are," Captain Klein replied. "You would be willing to fight us over that matter," Captain Beac said. The leadership within the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency had come to that conclusion based upon the information provided by the Earth Quatyl. "That is a possibility," Captain Klein said although no one had explicitly mentioned it to date. There was a long moment of silence while he considered how to express his orders. Explaining the actions of the Quatyl was a completely new necessity for him. Finally, Captain Beac said, "The Quatyl Space Command has authorized me to surrender." That was about the time when Captain Klein thought his head was going to explode. Shaking his head, he said, "Surrender?" "Yes. You declare war on us and we will surrender," Captain Beac said. Captain Klein knew that the only person crazy enough to understand what was going on was James. He couldn't help but think that turning to James for advice was the act of a truly desperate man. He was desperate. Looking over at James, he asked, "Does this make any sense to you?" "Yes," James answered nodding his head, "It makes perfect sense to me." Hating himself for the words that were about to come out of his mouth, Captain Klein said, "Explain it to me." James said, "They want you to declare war on the Quatyl so that they can surrender." "I figured out that much. What does it mean?" Captain Klein asked. "Well, we can say that we fought the Quatyl to free the servant races. We won, so they're free," James answered. "Will they be free?" "No," James answered with a smile. Judging by the expression on Captain Klein's face, he wasn't too happy with that answer. James added, "But it does mean that they are free to travel with us outside the influence of the Quatyl." "Oh," Captain Klein said frowning. Shaking his head, he asked, "So why don't they just say they're free?" "Because they won't be," James answered. Looking at the vein in Captain Klein's forehead as it throbbed, he added, "They can't free them, so saying that they'll do it is a lie. They can surrender to us and make it our problem." Starman looked at James and said, "My pet is getting smarter." "Really?" James asked with a grin. He looked around and said, "You can't be talking about me. You're my pet. Where's your pet?" "You're my pet," Starman said. "No way," James said with a grin. "What's the hurry? I mean why can't we spend a little time trying to figure out if there's another solution?" Ann asked ignoring the side conversation between James and Starman. She knew that with any attention the two of them could keep up the debate all day. "The aliens," Captain Beac and Captain Klein answered together. "What about the aliens?" James asked. "The Dromat say that the Quatyl and Human have to join forces to win this war," Captain Beac answered. "You can say that again. We aren't going to be able to fight them alone," Captain Klein said knowing that with a single ship that Earth wouldn't stand a chance. James had told him what was on the computer and he had forwarded the report to space station. It was a forgone conclusion that Earth was in trouble. "So can we get the formalities out of the way so that we can join forces?" Captain Beac asked. "Sure," Captain Klein said, "What am I supposed to do?" "Declare war on the Quatyl," James answered. Looking at the little Quatyl, Captain Klein said, "On behalf of Earth forces, I declare war on the Quatyl." "On behalf of the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency, the Quatyl surrender to the forces of Earth," Captain Beac said. "Oh behalf of Earth forces, we accept your surrender," Captain Klein said. "Excellent," Captain Beac said somewhat relieved that all had gone well so far. His wife had feared that the Beasts would have to sacrifice at least one Quatyl in order to say that they had actually fought. In what was a cruel twist of logic, he had argued that humans were slightly insane, but not in a bad way. That still left a lot of room for doubt and his wife had not been convinced. "That was the shortest war in history," James remarked, "and I was there for all of it." "Shut up," Captain Klein said to James fully expecting him to start a fictitious blow-by-blow telling of a gargantuan struggle between two mighty military forces. He could hear it already. It rather disturbed him that he was starting to anticipate James. Captain Beac said, "I propose that Quatyl and Human join forces in defending ourselves from the Chitiniodian Space Fleet." "I accept that proposal on behalf of Earth Forces," Captain Klein said hoping that he wasn't overstepping his authority. "Excellent. I shall report that to the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency," Captain Beac said. He hoped that they would be happy that he had followed orders. "I shall do the same with Earth Command," Captain Klein said. Captain Beac knew that what he was about to say was not going to be accepted too well. He looked over at Starman for a second and then used the Slathern to discuss something with him. Starman looked very surprised at what the other Quatyl had said. It seemed like a full minute went by before Starman answered. James looked at the pair of Quatyl and said, "This doesn't sound good. They just said something about giving you bad news." "Who? What? Give who bad news?" Captain Klein asked wondering how James had picked up on that. "You," James said. "What kind of bad news?" Captain Klein asked getting worried. The last thing he needed was some sort of surprise. Then he realized that he was talking to James. The guy had to be playing a trick on him. Following Starman's advice to tell them straight out, Captain Beac said, "The command of the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency had a long discussion about who should lead the war. Understanding how much this is going to upset you, I want you to know that this is not my idea." "Oh. Who?" Captain Klein asked wondering how he was going to break it to Earth that the Quatyl wanted to lead the fight against the Chitiniodians. He was pretty sure that they would want to lead it. "James," Captain Beac answered. "Me?" James asked standing up a little straighter. He was pleased that the Quatyl had developed a sense of humor. "Yes." "Oh God," Captain Klein said feeling dizzy. He really needed to sit down before he fell down. Knowing that there was no way that he'd be put in charge of the war effort, James tugged at his cape and, winking at Ann, announced, "I, Super-spaceman, shall protect the planet of Earth from the evil intergalactic hordes on their way to ravage our solar system!" "We're doomed," Captain Klein said sitting down on the floor. "Why James?" Ann asked. As much as she loved him, he was the last person she would put in charge of a war. Just about anyone on the ship would be a much better choice. Captain Beac answered, "According to the servant races, his thinking is unique." James grinned upon hearing the answer. He pointed both of his thumbs at himself and said, "I like the sound of that. My thinking is unique." "What does that mean?" Ann asked looking over at Captain Klein thinking that he didn't look too well. The poor man looked like he was going to be sick. "He's saying that James is crazy," Captain Klein answered. "Yes and no," Starman said. It was a little more complicated than that. ------- Chapter 18 James strutted through the port like a peacock. Of course, he was wearing his cape. Ann followed James into the space station. As a result of losing a minor bet with James, she was wearing her cape as well. She knew better than to make any bets involving Irving. Spotting his uncle, James struck his heroic pose. He only held it for a second before opening one of the tiny umbrellas created by the Dromat. He curtsied and said, "I, Super-spaceman, and my wife, Super-spacewoman, have just returned from fighting the invading galactic horde with our wonder umbrellas." Arthur had been prepared for the cape and the heroic pose thinking that it was a joke that had been overdone. He had not expected the umbrella and curtsy. Unable to prevent it, he burst out laughing. Arthur said, "I think you need to get a swelled head. At least that way some blood might make its way there." "That's funny," James said with a grin. He said, "There's some hope that you'll get a sense of humor one of these days." Ann shook her head knowing that this little episode was going to be broadcast everywhere. Looking down at Stardust, she said, "He's going down in history as a clown." Arthur said, "Let's get over to the bar and you can tell me all about what happened out there." "Okay," James said. "Can I take off this stupid cape?" Ann asked. "I guess," James said thinking that she wasn't really getting into the mood of the moment. She had been quiet ever since the Quatyl captain had suggested that he be put in charge of leading the defense force. He took off his cape with a quiet sigh. After dropping their Quatyl off at the Quatyl playroom, the trio made their way to the bar. Arthur and Ann were quiet. Much to his surprise, James attracted a lot of attention. People stopped him and congratulated him on the victory over the alien invaders. James leaned over to Ann and said, "You'd think I did this single- handedly. Don't they realize that everyone was involved?" "It was your idea," Ann said realizing that James had no idea how others had viewed his actions on board the Space Ship Explorer. "So?" James asked looking at her blankly. Arthur looked over at James and said, "Almost everyone has seen the data from the Chitiniodian computer." "They are pretty nasty buggers," James said. Arthur rolled his eyes at the unintended pun. Seeing his reaction, Ann said, "It comes naturally to him." "My grandfather was the same way," Arthur said. "He's my hero," James said. Arthur pointed to a table and said, "Let's sit down over there." The group settled around the table. James started the discussion when he said, "I saw that battle star that you're building out there." "I stole the design from an old movie," Arthur said shrugging his shoulders. He couldn't wait to work with the Andicors to learn about their shielding technology. Given their style of encroaching on territory, they had developed very powerful shields that could take a beating. "The one in the old movie was bigger," James commented. Arthur laughed and said, "Bigger isn't necessarily better, particularly when it comes to shielding." In a very serious tone of voice, James said, "You know that you have to get the weapons systems outside of the shield. You can't shoot through a shield." "I know," Arthur said surprised at the sudden seriousness that James demonstrated. James said, "Their tactics emphasize getting as many missiles headed towards the enemy as possible. Shields will have to be up all of the time. That means that you can't fire back." "I know," Arthur said. Ann looked over at James and said, "The missiles seem to be able to burrow through the shields." There were ships still looking for unexploded missiles from the destroyed ship. They needed to understand how the missiles operated. James nodded and said, "That's right. Someone is going to have to invent something that is able to destroy the missiles while they are attempting to penetrate the shields." Arthur said, "Despite your clowning around, it seems to me that you're serious about leading our forces. I'm glad to see that you are accepting the responsibility." James stared at Arthur in shock. After ten seconds, he burst out laughing and said, "You almost got me. No one in their right mind would put me in charge." Ann said, "The Quatyl were quite insistent, James." "So what? I'm an idiot when it comes to leading people," James said dismissing the comment. He added, "Besides, I'm looking forward to reverse engineering the Chitiniodian missiles." "James, I don't think you understand. They are putting you in charge," Ann said. "There's only one thing I can do," James said with a frown. Worried, Ann asked, "What?" "I've got to do something really stupid to convince them that I'm the wrong guy for the job," James said wondering what he could do. He looked over at Ann wondering why she was laughing so hard. ------- A small handful of Omagrons wandered around the space station feeling a little lost amidst the huge number of Humans. The number of humans only reminded them of the fact that their species was nearly on the verge of extinction. There were less than ten thousand Omagrons left and that number was still going down. The humans were physically intimidating. At three and a half feet in height, the Omagrons felt dwarfed by the humans. There seemed to be so many differences among the humans. The range of colors, heights, and weights among humans was almost overwhelming. As had become normal for members of that space faring race, all four Omagrons were feeling depressed. Adding to their general air of melancholy was the fact that the humans were making the noises that they had learned constituted laughter. The Omagron hadn't laughed in years. The four Omagrons were searching for a little bit of space where they could rest without intruding on the spaces of others. It was a problem on the crowded space station. It was always a problem when traveling in space. Thus it was that they found themselves in one of the three landing docks. Looking around, they could see no sign of humans. Depressed by the harsh metallic environment, Sweetie said, "This will have to do." "It isn't very nice," Comer said looking around at the metal floor. She preferred a rocky dry environment having experienced it once in her life. Chirrup sat down on the cold floor and shivered. The room was too cold to be comfortable. He said, "At least we are alone." "Yes. It feels like years since we've been alone," Salmon said. Their discussion was interrupted by the sounds of giggling from behind one of the storage cases. Sweetie said, "There are humans here." "Ignore them," Chirrup said. When the giggles changed to moans, Comer said, "I don't feel right all of a sudden." Feeling herself getting warm, Sweetie shifted around and said, "Same here." "You're looking nice to me," Chirrup said looking over at Comer. He wondered why he hadn't noticed that before. In the background, the moans had changed to grunts. Comer realized that she was feeling sexual desire. She uttered the little trill that announced interest. Chirrup didn't need a second invitation. While climbing atop Comer, he looked over at Sweetie and Salmon finding they were already in the mating position. As the sounds from behind the storage containers transitioned to a woman announcing her orgasms, the four Omagrons were lost in their own mating activities. Fifteen minutes later, the couples broke apart. For Omagrons, mating required a huge ritual to get the female of the species into the mood. First the male had to stake out some territory. Then he was supposed to put on a show of wealth to entice the female into his territory. That was followed by days of foreplay in the form of ritualistic dances. They never just started mating. Embarrassed by their actions, they didn't know what to make of what they had done. It was the next day when Comer and Sweetie realized that they had actually ovulated during the brief mating session. Over the generations that had followed coming under the control of the Quatyl, Omagron females had only managed to lay one egg with each mating session. Sometimes, they didn't even manage that one. Biologically, they were capable of laying several dozen. It only took ten minutes for the news to reverberate around the Quatyl ship that Comer had laid nineteen eggs and that Sweetie had laid an amazing twenty two eggs. The Earth Quatyl understood immediately what had happened. The other servant races aboard the ship were walking around in a daze. It seemed to them that it was a sign of great change. Chirrup stood by the Comer's bed staring at the clutch of eggs. Comer was wrapped around the eggs keeping them warm with her body heat. It was Chirrup who broke the silence when he asked, "How did that happen?" Somewhat stunned by the event, Comer said, "I don't know. I just kept laying one egg after another." "Nineteen eggs," Chirrup said staring at the impossible number of eggs. "I know," Comer said. She had tried many times to have a viable egg without any success. "Are they all good?" Chirrup asked. Too often the sperm were not strong enough to fertilize the egg. "All of them are good," Comer said. Her mouth was in the tight expression that was their equivalent of a smile. "I don't know what to say," Chirrup said unable to take his eyes off the eggs. He wanted to run to the radio and announce the event to the universe. "Sweetie laid twenty-two eggs," Comer said. "Wow," Chirrup said. Although it was a common saying that one shouldn't count their children before they hatched, he wondered what it would be like to have that many little Omagron children running around the Quatyl space ship. They'd know in thirty chronons. ------- Arthur and James were in the back of shuttle traveling out to the death star to check out the progress of the ship's construction. James made a humming noise while waving his hands around in front of his body. When his uncle gave him one of those disapproving looks, James announced, "May the farce be with you." "You remind me of your mother," Arthur said shaking his head. "Thank you," James said with a grin. "It wasn't a compliment," Arthur said rolling his eyes. His sister's humor had driven him crazy when he was younger. Now his nephew was driving him crazy. "Sure, you say that now," James said. Arthur looked over at James. There was now a bright shiny star on the lapel of his uniform. He said, "It is official." "Yeah. You'd have thought that finding a plastic spider in her lingerie drawer would have convinced Fleet Admiral Murphy to reconsider assigning me as leader of the defense forces," James said with a sad shake of his head. He had even arranged for it to jump out at her. "She rather appreciated the effort," Arthur said with a chuckle. He still wondered how James managed to get the plastic spider inside the private quarters of Fleet Admiral Murphy. Shaking his head, James said, "I'm halfway convinced that Anke Klein warned her that I'd do something like that." "She's the woman who entered the airlock with the balloons?" Arthur asked. "Yeah," James said shaking his head. "I don't think she warned Fleet Admiral Murphy," Arthur said with a grin. "Why not?" Arthur said, "I remember when I first met Chuckles. She put exploding ice cubes in my drink." "Who is Chuckles?" James asked thinking that he didn't want to hear the answer. "That's Charlene Murphy's nickname. She was quite the practical joker back in Officer Training School," Arthur said. "I'm doomed," James said wondering how she was going to retaliate. He was going to have to start checking his underwear before putting it on in the morning. There were too many things that could be put in underwear that would turn irritating after about five minutes. A shiver went down his spine as he said, "I never should have put Irving in her lingerie drawer. She's going to get me with itching powder in the underwear." "I'll mention that to her," Arthur said with a laugh. It was kind of fun watching his nephew sweat a little. James was quiet for a minute and then asked, "How did she make the exploding ice cubes?" "That's for her to know and you to discover," Arthur answered laughing at his nephew. At the thoughtful expression on James' face, Arthur's laughter died. ------- Aboard the battle star, James walked into the dorm that would serve as his and Ann's quarters. It was huge compared to anything else he had seen on a space craft. There were actually six rooms present. There was a living room and a dinning room that was served by a real functional kitchen. There was a bedroom and a bathroom. The bathroom was private. The best room of the whole place was the study. It contained a desk and a meeting table along with the best electronics for briefings. Looking around, James said, "You could swing a cat in here without hitting the walls." Arthur said, "It would be best if you don't try that little experiment in here." "Why?" James asked moving into the bedroom. He looked down at the bed. It was a real bed; not something that served two purposes. He knelt down and noticed the lead lined hole under the bed for the Quatyl. "The cats are threatening to go on strike," Arthur answered. Shaking his head, James said, "That's such a pity. How are we ever to know how small our rooms are without measuring them with a cat?" "You'll just have to guess, I suppose," Arthur answered. "That takes all the fun out of it," James said. "You're an admiral now. You don't have fun," Arthur said. James asked, "So where's the briefing room?" Arthur opened a door to another room and said, "This is the briefing room. It is connected to your suite." "Nice," James said sitting down at the operators chair and checked out all of the little toys in the room. There was a lot of electronics. "That's not your seat," Arthur said. He gestured to the one at the head of the table and said, "That is your seat." James looked at the seat pulled up to an empty space of table. After trying to lift the surface for second and searching for a drawer, he shook his head. He said, "There's nothing fun here." "I know. This room also serves as the Captain's dining room. The officer staff will meet you here for dinner. The Captain's quarters are through the door on the other side of the room from yours." "Let's go to the bridge," James said. "It is across the hall from here and your room," Arthur said gesturing the way out of the room. James looked at the chair he was supposed to occupy. He frowned and said, "There are no buttons for me to push." "You're the Admiral. There is no need for you to push buttons," Arthur said. "This is not right," James said staring at the chair. It was off to the side and behind the captain's chair. He looked at Arthur and said, "I want buttons on this chair." "What kind of buttons?" Arthur asked rolling his eyes. "How about buttons to adjust the chair?" Arthur shook his head and said, "I can manage that." "Thank you," James said. He sat down in the chair and shook his head. He sighed and then said, "I really don't want to do this." "The Quatyl insisted. In fact, your colleagues of rank were pretty impressed by how you took care of the invaders," Arthur said. "You don't ruin someone's life like that because you have one little idea," James said. ------- Thousands of light years away from Earth, Admiral 2c1b2t (twelve clicks — one bellow — two thrums) was worried about the fact that Captain 9c1t2c had not reported in. The report was overdue by a tenth of a cycle. It was unusual for a Fleet captain, particularly one with the reputation of Captain 9c1t2c, to fail to report in on time. In fact, the last time that had happened was sixty-three cycles ago and the entire fleet had been lost. Admiral 2c1b2t went over to his map of the galaxy and examined the location from which Captain 9c1t2c had last reported. The nearest fleet to that location was three quarters of a cycle (almost eleven Earth months) away when traveling at maximum speed. It was not that unusual for fleets to get that separated from each other. Space was big and the planets infested with intelligent life forms were few and far between. He studied the region of space trying to estimate the area in which Captain 9c1t2c could be located. It was a huge volume filled with hundreds of stars. Turning to his aide, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Send a fleet to investigate the disappearance of Captain 9c1t2c." "Yes, sir," the aide said. "Tell them I want reports every twentieth of a cycle," Admiral 2c1b2t said. If this fleet was lost, they'd have a much better idea where to send the rest of his forces. It had been too many cycles since he had a chance to bomb a planet. All he needed was one more to get promoted to Lord. He was one of four Admirals at that rank. "Yes, sir," the aide said. Admiral 2c1b2t thought about the experience of Captain 9c1t2c. The idea that a fleet captain of his caliber could run into something that he couldn't handle was intriguing. If he had lost one or two ships, he would have reported it. The only explanation was that the entire fleet had been destroyed. Admiral 2c1b2t stood there clicking his mandibles together thinking about the situation. He turned to his aide and said, "Gather my fleet. We are going to start heading in that direction." "Yes, sir," the aide said. "Well, get to it," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Yes, sir," the aide said before scurrying out of the room. He knew that the news that Admiral 2c1b2t was going to move his fleet would echo across the empire within hours. Other admirals would wait and watch to see if they had a chance to join in on the action. Other hunter fleets in the area would start to drift in that general direction in the hopes of getting some action before the Admiral's planet buster fleet appeared. At a hundred times light speed, it would take them nearly fifteen cycles to reach that part of space. To a human, that might seem like a long time, but among the Chitiniodians it was a mere drop in the bucket. A Chitiniodian might see a thousand cycles before considering retirement. With those few orders, the huge Chitiniodian war machine was beginning to move in the direction of Earth. It would show up a few fleets at a time and swell to the point where any sane civilization would be overwhelmed. Admiral 2c1b2t would get to destroy his third planet. He rubbed his mandibles producing a sound that was the Chitiniodian version of excited laughter. ------- It was a formal dinner party being hosted by Fleet Admiral Murphy to welcome James to the rank of Admiral. Fleet Admiral Murphy presided over the affair with a seat at the head of the table. Of course, James and Ann were in attendance and were seated to the Admiral's right and left respectively. The guest list included a number of notables from the space station including James' uncle, Arthur, and Arthur's wife, Emily, with Arthur seated next to Ann and Emily seated beside James. Captain Klein, Anke Klein, Ken, and Kim had been invited as well, but were seated at the far end of the table. Holding a pair of silver tongs with an ice cube that had been removed from a silver ice bucket, Fleet Admiral Murphy asked, "Would you like some ice in your water?" James shook his head and answered, "No thank you." "Are you sure?" she asked smiling at James. "I'm quite sure," James answered eyeing the ice cube with suspicion. He wasn't going to fall for an exploding ice cube trick. "This is my favorite wine," Fleet Admiral Murphy said as she took a sip from her wine glass. "It looks good," James said not having tasted it yet. He wondered if there wasn't some sort of one-two punch thing going on here. She'd give him some salted wine and when he went to drink some water, the ice cubes would explode. "You seem a little tense," Fleet Admiral Murphy said. "I'm just not used to wearing an Admiral's uniform," James said. He was dressed in formal dress uniform for the first time. Fleet Admiral Murphy had it delivered to his quarters earlier that day along with the invitation to attend a formal meal. He had of course checked the uniform for any sign of hidden chemicals that might cause embarrassment. She smiled at him and said, "Understandable. If I recall correctly, you weren't in the military until your commission." "Right," James said squirming a little at the subject of the conversation. "It seems to me that you worked pretty hard to discourage getting commissioned," she said watching him with an amused expression on her face. Shrugging his shoulders, James said, "Apparently, I didn't work hard enough." Turning to Ann, Fleet Admiral Murphy asked, "What do you think about his new position? You must be thrilled." Ann fidgeted and answered, "I wouldn't word it that way." James said, "She feels a bit like I do. This is a major mistake." Fleet Admiral Murphy held up Irving and said, "As you may well know, I was arguing against giving you a commission. You see, I thought it was a horrible mistake until this little fellow appeared in my lingerie drawer complete with a card letting me know who put it there. After that, I became you biggest proponent." "Huh?" Captain Klein said. It was echoed by just about everyone who knew James. The startled outbursts echoed down the table bringing a small titter of laughter from those who only knew James by reputation. "Yes. To tell the truth, the resourcefulness and ingenuity required to pull off a stunt like that really impressed me," she answered. "I sacrificed poor Irving for nothing," James said slumping in his chair. "You're kidding," Ann said staring at the Admiral. "Who is Irving?" the Admiral asked wondering if someone had gotten in trouble as a result of James' trick. Ann answered, "The plastic spider." "He named it?" Arthur asked. Ann rolled her eyes and said, "He's had it forever. You should have heard him carry on about sacrificing Irving for the sake of all of humanity. It was all quite melodramatic." Depressed, James reached over and grabbed the glass of wine. He took a big drink and then noticed the expression on his uncle's face. Arthur nudged Ann in the side with his elbow. She looked at James and a big grin crossed her face. Arthur said, "Poor James, he can't even drink out of a glass yet." James looked down at his chest. A huge red stain was spreading across his nice new white uniform. Looking at the glass he noticed the little hole in the side. Shaking his head, he said, "I can't believe I fell for the oldest trick in the book." "I thought you'd appreciate it," Fleet Admiral Murphy said with a laugh. "I do," James said with a weak smile. She handed James the spider and said, "You can have Irving back." "There's no need to do that," Ann said sorry to see Irving returned. ------- Chapter 19 There are occasions when new management does exactly the right thing on taking over an organization. In particular, they don't make any changes to an organization that is functioning perfectly well. James decided early on that he didn't know enough to make any changes. His strategy for getting through this job was to sit back and say nothing. To cover his ignorance, he had Ken and Kim transferred under his command for the sole purpose of explaining what was going on around him. So far, he was pretty impressed with what everyone was doing. Captain Alberts pointed to a three dimensional holographic model of the solar system. He said, "According to the computer information that we have, the Chitiniodians will be coming from this region of the galaxy. We'll have a few fleets probing our region of space initially, but the number of ships and the frequency of attacks will increase the longer the war lasts. We can expect the attacks to reach a level where we'll be facing as many as a hundred thousand ships at a time. The war will last as long as two hundred years." So far the captain hadn't say anything that James didn't already know. He had watched all of the data captured in the computer. He had seen how the Chitiniodian and Boggum war had unfolded. Rather than say anything, James frowned and nodded his head thinking it made him look like a decisive decision maker. Apparently James had done the right thing since Captain Alberts continued, "We have some time to build up our forces to a level where we can respond. For the moment, we are going to get a couple hundred ships from the Quatyl and outfit them so that we can protect our region of space. We'll put up a great wall of ships about twenty light years from Earth." James was tempted to interrupt but he managed to control the desire. Considering that his frown and nod had worked the first time, he repeated it. Captain Alberts said, "We'll use the umbrella idea that worked during the first engagement. As far as we can tell, the original fleet didn't send out word that they had engaged our forces. The next fleet will have the same response as the first." James was really tempted to speak out, but he didn't. Captain Anders took his silence as permission to speak. He said, "We've gotten some examples of their missiles and are in the process of reverse engineering them. We'll use their weapons against them while we are developing the next generation." Reaching over to the pitcher of water, James concentrated on not saying a word. The whole wall of ships thing was just what the Boggums had done and they had lost their war. He poured a glass of water and took a sip thinking that the result would be the same with Chitiniodians growing their attacks until they overwhelmed the Earth forces. From the far end of the table, Ken watched James thinking that he wasn't acting right. He frowned and looked at the model of the solar system. He didn't see anything wrong with the plans. It made perfect sense to him. On second thought, he realized the complete reasonableness of the plans would probably bother James a lot. James fixed a frown on his face and nodded periodically while he daydreamed about how he would go about defending Earth. He could just see the whole first twenty years of the war play out in his mind. The Chitiniodians would arrive and find what appeared to be a very weak defense. They'd attack and lose because they weren't expecting the kind of response they would get. They'd send a few fleets finding that each time they were facing something different. They'd build up their attacks, but the Earth forces would have changed the nature of the war on them so that their superior numbers would actually hinder them. Each time the Chitiniodians came to engage the Earth forces expecting one thing, they'd get something completely different. Captain Alberts asked, "So do we go ahead with our plans?" Lost in his daydream, it took a few seconds for the question to reach his brain. James sat up and said, "No." "What?" Captain Alberts asked rather surprised by answer. He'd had the feeling throughout the briefing that Admiral James Kamp had not been paying attention. He assumed that meant that the admiral would rubber stamp his plans. "You're proposing the same thing that the Boggums did," James said. "It was good military strategy. We have some advantages that they didn't have. We have eight space faring races to help us," Captain Alberts replied crossing his arms. "We don't want to do the same thing the Boggums did. They lost," James said with a twinkle in his eyes. "So what do you think we should do?" Ken asked recognizing the look on James' face. He had an idea that this was going to be good. James pointed to the holographic model wishing that he had some controls that would allow him to change the display. He said, "At twenty light years from Earth, we will station six ships. We'll put one where you, you, you, and you are sitting with one above and one below the table. Well build a second perimeter at ten light years from Earth with six ships slightly offset from the initial perimeter." "That won't give us much coverage," Captain Alberts said with a frown. Half of the ships were on the wrong side of the solar system to provide any protection. The quicker he could shoot down Admiral Kamp's idea, the sooner they could get to work protecting the solar system. "We don't need coverage. They're going to be looking for our ships. We just have to make sure they find the ships that we want found. That means that the forward ships have to be visible from a long way away. The Chitiniodians will attack the first ship they see. Your job is to make sure that it is the last ship they see," James said. "But that's not a defense," Captain Alberts said. He hated dealing with amateurs and, considering the conditions under which James had been promoted to Admiral, James was definitely an amateur. He said, "A defense requires fortifications, several lines of engagement, and more than enough force to repel the enemy." "Sure it is. We've got all of that if we do it my way. We have a forward line of six ships and a second line of six ships. The whole time their fleets are occupied with our forward positions, we're building up a fleet to achieve an overwhelming force that is capable of destroying them," James said. He didn't want to point out that there was no repelling the enemy. They would fight to the last ship and then send some more. "What ships will we use?" Captain Anders asked. "Our star ships that my uncle is building with the shields from the Andicors. Your job is to figure out how to kill their missiles while they are trying to burrow through the shields," James answered. He might not know how the Chitiniodian missiles worked, but he knew how to destroy them. Captain Anders replied, "That's easy. We cut them apart with lasers. The shields stop physical objects, not electromagnetic radiation." "Clever," James said. "We'll still use the same arrangement of umbrellas, won't we?" Captain Anders asked. Captain Alberts was staring at the display feeling a little depressed that all of his work had been dismissed so easily. The sad thing is that James' plan was brilliant in a way. He could see how it would work. "I guess we could. I'd like to replace the cannons that formed the handle of the umbrella with missile launchers. We'll still have the nukes, but I'd like to use them as a weapon of last resort. I want to keep them in reserve," James answered. He realized that if the Chitiniodian ships weren't shielded against nukes, then when the huge forces came out the nukes could be released as a surprise weapon. The nukes would be a huge surprise in the midst of a major battle. The 50mm weapons would be great when there were a whole lot of ships all firing at once with their shields down. "That sounds doable to me," Captain Anders said. James smiled and said, "Are we in agreement?" "Yes," Captain Anders answered. "Yes," Captain Alberts said. He wondered how long James had been thinking up that strategy. He'd have been upset if he had known that James had dreamed it up while he had been presenting his strategy. ------- Hunter Fleet Captain one click-one thrum-one click (1c1t1c) approached the alien ship fully confident that he'd get a kill. It would be his sixth as a Captain of the fleet. He parked his fleet a tenth of a light second from the alien craft and executed the standard sensor sweep. There was the one space ship and a bunch of debris around it. He commented to one of the Lieutenants, "They are a filthy species. Look at all of the junk here." "There does seem to be a lot of junk here," the Lieutenant replied. It had to be space junk because the debris was randomly distributed across the entire volume of space. "We'll just add a little more to it," Captain 1c1t1c said. He ordered, "Fire three missiles at the ship." There was the reassuring hum as the three missiles were launched. The missiles hit the shield of the alien ship and then died. Confused, he leaned forward and clicked, "Nothing happened." Worried, the Lieutenant said, "The space junk appears to be moving." Captain 1c1t1c sat back and stared at the screen. The debris was too small to be space ships. He was about to order another volley of missiles to be fired when the screen showed the sudden presence of a hundred huge electromagnetic signatures surrounding his fleet. Concerned, he ordered, "All ships open fire." ------- James sat in the command center watching the battle unfold. He would be lying if he were to say that his asshole hadn't tried to suck the seat up his butt when the Chitiniodians had fired upon the ship he was in. Despite his concerns, he did try to show complete confidence in the defenses of the ship. They had tested the defenses several times and everything had worked like advertised. Still, it was a lot different to be sitting inside the ship when it was fired upon. He turned to Captain Madison, an Andicor, and, in barely passable Dromat, said, "Open the umbrellas." "Yes, sir," Captain Madison answered using the clicks that were normal to his species. Having heard Andicor make that specific sequence of clicks on numerous occasions, James understood the reply. He stroked Starman's back. Seated on James' lap, Starman looked up at him surprised at how well James had managed the command. If his heart hadn't been beating so fast, he would have used the Slathern to say something. It was taking everything he had to remain conscious. Quatyl weren't meant to be in the middle of battle, but his presence as translator was necessary. James looked over at Captain Anders and noticed that the man looked ashen gray. Concerned, he asked, "Are you feeling okay?" "Yes, sir," Captain Anders said as calmly as he could. They might have faith in his ability to deliver technology that worked, but he didn't. He knew everything that could go wrong. It dawned on him that that might be the reason he was there. The Chitiniodians fired a wave of missiles. It was directed at the umbrellas. Before the missiles reached the umbrellas, James said in Dromat, "Return fire." "Yes, sir," Captain Madison replied using the clicks. He waved one of his appendages to the weapons specialist. Just as the missiles tore through the thin metal foil without exploding, a hundred re-engineered alien missiles flew towards the Chitiniodian fleet. From the perspective of the Chitiniodian fleet it actually looked like their missiles had turned around and flew back at them. It was purely unintentional on defender's part, but even James had to admit that it was a pretty interesting effect. A few seconds later, the battle was over when the Chitiniodian fleet exploded. James looked over at Captain Anders and said, "That was rather anti-climatic, wasn't it?" "Yes, sir," the man answered. He wondered what would be required to get a transfer. Others might be happy getting shot at on a battle field, but he was perfectly content riding a desk. "No surprises?" James asked. "None," Captain Anders answered wondering how everyone else on board felt. He looked over at Ken surprised to find that the man was reading a book. It looked like one of the manuals for the missiles. Wondering how anyone could find an operator's manual for a missile more fascinating than the battle that had just been fought, he asked, "What did you think of it?" Ken looked up from his book and asked, "Think of what?" "The battle," Captain Anders answered. "They're here?" Ken asked. "We already beat them," James said with a grin. "Oh. Okay," Ken said shrugging his shoulders. He looked back down at the book trying to hide his smile. Captain Anders said, "If you'll excuse me, I'll return to my quarters." "You're excused, Captain," James replied. He waited until the Captain had left the bridge before laughing. For three months every concern raised about the defenses of the ship had been brushed off with an over confident wave of the hand by Captain Anders. He suspected that the overconfident dismissal of concerns was going to end now. Ken chuckled and asked, "Aren't you going to go back to your quarters?" "I will as soon as I figure out how to remove the chair from my ass," James said. Ken laughed. The Andicor, who made up the majority of the crew, were puzzled by the exchange. This was how they typically fought. "Same here," Ken said. He had nearly ripped the manual in half when the missiles had hit the shields of their ship. Trying to sit there and pretend to read the manual had been the hardest thing he had ever done. James looked around the bridge. In Dromat, he said, "Good job, Andicor and Humans." The Andicor made the clicks that represented sounds of approval. Ken, the only other human on the bridge, nodded his head. Starman asked, "When did you learn so much Dromat?" Winking at Ken, James asked, "What's the matter? Are you afraid that I'll trade you in for a pet Dromat?" "Don't even joke about it," Starman said. "Don't worry. You're cuter than a Dromat," James said. Looking up at James, Starman answered, "You aren't." ------- Admiral 2c1b2t was concerned when another hunter fleet failed to report on schedule. The loss of two hunter fleets in the same region of space was significant. He rubbed his claws together hoping that they had encountered another race like the Boggums. That had been a great war. The Boggums had stood and fought until the very end. Promotions had come fast and furious. Most of the other races they encountered ran and hid. It took a long time to hunt them down and it was often just a minor skirmish here and there. Going over to the map of the galaxy, he studied the area where the missing fleet had last reported. A lot of hunter fleets were heading towards the area. He knew that was a sign that they all smelled something big happening there. He was experienced enough to trust the instincts of the Captains under him. All of them were hungry for glory and promotion. He hoped that the aliens had a major defensive wall like the Boggums had employed early in the war. A little saliva ran out of his mouth at the memory of that battle. That was when he had earned his rank as Admiral. Admiral 2c1b2t turned to his aide and said, "Send more hunter fleets to where the lost hunter fleet last reported." The aide said, "Several fleets are already on their way." "Divert more in that direction. I want them to report as soon as they encounter any aliens," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Yes, sir," the aide said. Turning from the display, Admiral 2c1b2t asked, "What do you think is going on out there?" "Aliens," the aide answered knowing what answer the admiral wanted. There were occasions when hunter fleets disappeared because of natural dangers. Solar flares were the most common reason fleets were lost. Of course, the admiral didn't want to hear that. "I think so too," Admiral 2c1b2t said. He sharpened his claws by rubbing them against his exterior and said, "Get to it." The aide knew that he had been dismissed and it was time for him to issue the appropriate order. He'd send another three hunter fleets in the area. Ten times that many would head that way, but space was big and it would take many cycles for them to arrive in the area. ------- James looked around the table at what had come to be called his brain trust. All seven alien species were represented. Three Quatyl were there acting as translators. He asked, "What do you think they'll do next?" "We're going to get a couple more individual fleets of seven ships over the next few years. Then we'll start to see three and four fleets showing up together," Captain Alberts answered. He turned to Cousin Itt and asked, "What do you think?" "What you say is a logical consequence of the data we have," Cousin Itt answered. James shook his head in disagreement and said, "I agree that we'll get a couple more individual fleets, but the next wave is going to be a lot bigger than three or four fleets working together." Cousin Itt looked at James and asked, "Why do you say that?" Captain Alberts smiled knowing that James was about to go down. No one argued with a Dromat and won. James answered, "They are looking for another Boggum's defensive wall. When a report finally arrives that they've been defeated by a single vessel, it is going to undermine the confidence of the Chitiniodians significantly. They are going to send a much larger group." Captain Alberts turned to Cousin Itt waiting for the reply. After ten seconds, he realized that Cousin Itt wasn't going to say a single word. He licked his lips and turned to James. He said, "How large of a group do you think they'll send?" James smiled and said, "Here's how I think it will work out. We'll get one fleet and then a second fleet. The first fleet will report when they encounter us. The second fleet will transmit their entire encounter with us. Then we'll get seven fleets showing up at once. After that, we'll see fifteen or twenty fleets. It will get really ugly after that." Captain Alberts frowned and looked over at Cousin Itt. He asked, "What do you think?" "It is logical," Cousin Itt answered. His opinion of James had increased tremendously. He wondered what the other Dromat would say when they learned that James had argued logically against him and won. It was going to be interesting. James turned to the Omagron and asked, "Chunky, considering what we know of the Chitiniodians how long will it be between arrivals?" This was exactly the kind of reasoning problems that Omagrons enjoyed the most. They loved to use their ability to visualize six at a time. Chunky closed his eyes imagining a reasonable distribution of Chitiniodian fleets. He considered how fast they would travel. He tried to figure out where the fleets would meet to form a larger contingent. After three minutes, he answered, "The first fleet will arrive in a month. The second fleet will arrive three weeks later. The first wave of seven fleets will take an additional two months. If the next wave is of fifteen fleets, then it will be six months from now. If the next wave is of twenty fleets, then it will be six and a half months from now." "That's about what I estimated," James said. Not quite believing James, Chunky asked, "When do you think the third wave will show up?" "I figure they will show up in about nine years and be close to a hundred of their hunter fleets," James answered. Surprised, Chunky said, "That agrees with my estimate." "It is logical," Cousin Itt said. Looking over at Captain Alberts, James said, "Work up a plan that allows us to acquire data about how the second fleet will attack us from how the next fleet engages us. We'll use that data to plan our response to the second fleet such that it misleads the third fleet." "Huh?" Captain Alberts asked getting confused by the over use of the word fleet. Ken said, "He's saying that in the next fight that we let them attack a couple of times before we clobber them. He wants to know how they respond to us sitting out there like an Anticor. We use the data from that engagement to design a response that is completely different and won't show our real strengths for the bad guys to learn. That way, we'll be able to surprise the next wave of attacks." "Oh," Captain Alberts said scratching his head. James said, "See you in two days." Everyone stood up to leave the room except for Chunky. He stayed in his seat looking at James. Understanding that the Omagron wanted to talk to him, James sat back down. He put Starman on his lap and started petting him. Starman purred. When everyone except Chunky had left the room, James said, "I take it that you wanted to talk to me." Chunky didn't know how to make his request. In the Omagron manner of showing nervousness, he grinned. Unable to relax, he said, "Yes. We have a request to make of you." "Me?" James asked. "Not you, specifically. Humans," Chunky said. He knew his grin was getting larger. Much larger and it would actually look threatening. Dealing with Humans was always very difficult. They smiled when they were happy. They also bared their teeth when very angry. It was confusing. "Calm down. I'm sure that it is not that bad," James said seeing that Chunky was getting a little agitated. "We want two humans to visit us," Chunky said. "Do you want me and Ken to visit you?" James asked thinking it was easy enough to handle that request. Chunky said, "We need two humans to mate in our area of the ship." "Well, that definitely eliminates a visit by Ken and me," James said nearly bursting out laughter. It was obvious that Chunky was feeling significant emotions over the matter. He asked, "Why?" Starman answered, "The Omagron species is nearly extinct. They discovered that they are a lot more productive when they are around mating humans. It appears that the Human Mating Effect works on Omagrons, too." "Human Mating Effect," James repeated. He knew exactly what Starman meant by it. It was kind of strange to think about making love to his wife being an aphrodisiac to the universe. Chunky's nervous grin lessened a bit. He said, "Yes. We think the Human Mating Effect makes us more productive." "Oh," James said wondering what he could do about it. He could just imagine Ann's reaction. She wouldn't be too wild about putting on a live sex show for a bunch of lizards. He definitely couldn't order anyone to do it. He said, "I'll see what I can do." "Thank you very much," Chunky said. "You're hoping to have a kid?" James asked. "I'm hoping to have twenty kids," Chunky answered with tight lips. Thirty would be better, but he'd be overjoyed with twenty. Recognizing the Omagron equivalent of a smile, James said, "I wish you luck." "Thank you," Chunky said. After Chunky left the room, James petted Starman. Thinking about the impossible task of finding a couple willing to help the Omagrons, he asked, "What do you think Ann would say to a little romance over in the Omagron area of the ship?" "She will kill you as soon as you ask her," Starman said. "I tend to agree with you on that," James said. He was silent for a moment and then said, "Maybe I can trick her into it." "She will torture you and then kill you when she finds out what you did," Starman said dryly. "You're probably right about that too," James said scratching his cheek. This was a pretty tricky problem, but he was pretty sure that he could come up with a solution that wouldn't lead to his death at Ann's hands. Starman looked up at James before he said, "It would be a shame to lose my pet now that I've almost gotten it housebroken." Smiling down at the Quatyl curled up on his lap, James asked, "What pet are you trying to housebreak?" ------- Chapter 20 James was walking down the hallway of his ship when two Omagrons raced over to him and rubbed their heads against his legs. He looked down at the three and a half foot tall lizards realizing that they were giving him the Omagron equivalent of a hug. Surprised, he asked, "What? "Thank you, thank you," the pair said. They proceeded to spout some more words in a very excited manner. Considering that 'thank you' was about the extent of his Omagron, James had no idea what they were trying to tell him. The best he could guess was that he had done something they liked. When the pair finally wound down, he answered, "You're welcome." Apparently satisfied with his answer, the Omagrons ran off. Scratching his head, James said, "I wonder what that was about." He continued his walk down the hall trying to figure out why the two Omagrons had done that. Nothing came to mind that would explain it. He spotted Kim walking towards him. Raising a hand, he said, "Hello, Kim." "Hello, Admiral Kamp," Kim said. James said, "Hello, Kim. I had a weird thing happen to me just a minute ago." "What?" she asked. "Two Omagrons ran up to me and rubbed their heads against my legs. They spouted something that I assume was thanks and then ran off," James said. Kim said, "They must be celebrating. From what I understand there is a population explosion going on among the Omagrons. It seems that two couples laid three dozen eggs each. All of the aliens are talking about it." "Oh, so I take it that the privacy rooms are working," James said absently. Kim wondered why he mentioned the privacy rooms. Curious, she asked, "What do the privacy rooms have to do with Omagrons laying a bunch of eggs?" "Oops," James said. Knowing that couples who shared a room aboard ship had very little space for romantic romps, James had come up with the idea of creating two rooms side by side that were furnished like a hotel room. In each room there was a nice table for a romantic dinner, a large bed, music, and soft lights. There was even enough room for a couple to dance if they desired. Needless to say, the two rooms had become very popular. He didn't mention that the rooms were not shielded against the Human Mating Effect. Kim's eyes went wide as she realized what James had done. He had set up the rooms so that the aliens could use the Human Mating Effect to promote breeding. She laughed at the idea of couples enjoying a private tryst while serving as an aphrodisiac to aliens in the room next door. She asked, "You didn't?" "Maybe," James said with a sly grin and a waggle of his eyebrows. "Is that why the only information about the individuals signing up to use the room is their species?" Kim asked. She had wondered why there was such a demand for the room by the aliens. "It might be," James said. She thought about it for a second and then frowned. She said, "Hey, wait a minute! Ken and I used it last night!" "Sorry," James said shrugging his shoulders. Kim was silent for a moment while she recalled Ann telling her all about the Privacy Rooms. She asked, "Does Ann know you did this?" "No and I'd like to keep it that way." "She's going to kill you," Kim said shaking her head. "You know, those are the same words that Ken said to me when we talked about this," James said. "Ken knew?" Kim asked putting her hands on her hips. Her eyes narrowed as she glared at James. James smiled at her and said, "Oops." ------- The briefing room was filled with the Brain Trust. They were watching a real-time feed from the star ship that was parked twenty light years away from earth. A Chitiniodian hunter fleet had just arrived. James said, "They'll perform a scan." They could see the data scrolling past that indicated that the scan was taking place. James said, "Now they'll fire three missiles at the star ship." Three missiles flew from the Chitiniodian lead ship towards the star ship. James said, "Now we'll see what they do next." Fifteen missiles flew from the lead ship to the star ship. The star ship dealt with the missiles without a problem. James said, "That's interesting. I bet they all fire at it next." A few seconds later, all seven ships fired fifteen missiles each at the star ship. The star ship managed to deal with all of the missiles again. Dryly, Ken said, "Their tactics are pretty straight forward. Just keep firing until you kill the other guy or he kills you." "Yeah," James said as another volley was launched at the star ship. James was about to order Captain Madison to return fire when the Chitiniodian hunter fleet was destroyed. At the far end of the table, Captain Anders was sweating. He said, "I was a little worried that they wouldn't be able to handle so many missiles." "We know. You've said that several times," James said looking at the man. It seemed that the overly optimistic Captain Anders had turned into a pessimist as a result of his time on the star ship. Captain Madison's clicks were heard over the communications channel. Starman translated it, "We had no problems here, Admiral Kamp." James said, "Good job, Captain Madison." "It is our way of claiming more territory. It felt like the old days," Captain Madison replied. He would have stayed there all day taking missile fire, but he had been under orders to return fire in the event that all of the ships had fired upon him. He added, "The whole crew is very happy." "I'm glad you enjoyed it," James said shaking his head. The whole idea of letting someone fire at you until they got tired of it was just a bit beyond him. At least they had the perfect crew for this mission. "We'll send shuttles out to collect debris," Captain Madison said, "Maybe we'll find something useful." "Excellent," James said as the feed cut out. Turning to Captain Anders, James asked, "How many missiles can the defense platform stop?" "We've got fifty lasers. It takes a laser approximately two tenths of a second to acquire and destroy a missile. It takes a missile less than two seconds to burrow through the shield. So each laser can handle about ten missiles. That would put the upper limit at around five hundred missiles," Captain Anders answered. He had decreased the actual amount of time required to burrow through the shields and increased the amount of time required to acquire and destroy a missile a little. It was a very conservative estimate. "Are there any problems with that estimate?" James asked. "Well, that assumes that the missiles are evenly distributed around the star ship. You can cut the figure in half or a third when it is attacked from one side," Captain Anders answered. He was afraid that he would be sent to the star ship to observe operations again. James said, "We need to work out a strategy for dealing with the next fleet." Captain Alberts said, "In the first round, we destroy four of them. They'll see that we can handle three missiles. We take out the rest in the second round. We send three missiles at each ship. That will suggest that our maximum rate of fire is twelve missiles. We don't let them know that we can handle all seven at once or that our ability to tunnel through their shields is better than theirs." Cousin Itt said, "We fire the missiles from the behind the star ship." Nodding his head, James said, "We want to fire on them before they can fire their second round of missiles. If they are transmitting the engagement, they will not know if their second round of missiles were successful in breaching our defenses." Cousin Itt said, "That is logical." Captain Alberts smiled and said, "Considering their mind set, they'll assume that the second round of missiles were successful." "They won't even know about the umbrellas," James said with a smile. That would be a nice little surprise when the bigger fleet showed up. Smiling at the end of the table, Ken said, "We haven't even brought the fighters into play yet." Turning to Captain Anders, James asked, "Have you given much effort to creating a fighter for the Dactites?" Captain Anders nodded his head and answered, "We believe that we can make a real small fighter that is fast and very maneuverable for them. They won't be much more complicated than a two rockets joined together with a missile underneath them. They'll ride the rockets and fire the missile. Once they've fired their missile, they'll get out of the area to reload. We'll be able to create them by the thousands." Captain Fixit, the Dactite member of the Brain Trust, said, "It will be like how we used to fight. Early in our history, we would run up in a swarm on our enemy and each of us would throw a rock. Then we'd run away." "We already have a battle cruiser, but we haven't built one since encountering the Quatyl," the Margot member of the Brain Trust said. "Start building," James said amazed that they hadn't stared doing that. He looked around the table and said, "All of you should start rebuilding your war fleets." Cousin Itt said, "We don't really have a war fleet. We use mines to keep the enemy away." "Start building mines," James said wondering why he hadn't even considered that strategy. The image that he was beginning to get of this war was of the Chitiniodians being rabid lemmings rushing madly to the cliff in their insane desire to kill. His forces would have to be the cliff. Captain Beac had the unpleasant duty of being the Quatyl representative in the Brain Trust. All of this talk of fighting made him nauseous. All he wanted to do was to run away and hide. He said, "We've never fought." "I know," James said. He was silent for a moment and then said, "Keep exploring for more species. Maybe you'll find one that can help us." "We can do that," Captain Beac said. While the average Engel was fairly stupid, the Engel seated on the Brain Trust was one of the rare geniuses of that species. It fell upon his slightly sloped shoulders to direct the energies of several billion of his fellow Engels. Seeing an opportunity for his race to contribute to the war, he said, "We can build your ships. I will get every Engel focused on that project." "That's a good idea, Whip" James said not quite sure what that meant. Captain Alberts asked, "Are we agreed on a strategy?" James frowned and said, "There's one little detail that is bothering me." "What?" Captain Alberts asked not liking this at all. James said, "If our ship gets hit with three missiles and our lasers destroy them before they do any damage, then they'll know that we can defeat their missiles. I don't like that idea at all." Captain Alberts looked over at Cousin Itt hoping that the Dromat had an answer. Cousin Itt said, "You are right." ------- Being the wife of an Admiral had some advantages. For one, Ann had more room to entertain than the wife of any other officer aboard the ship. It wasn't much, but it did mean that she had lots of company. She had taken to having a weekly afternoon tea party on Wednesdays with the wives of the other officers. It was often the only time she got to spend with Kim. Ann missed having those heart to heart chats with Kim that only close friends have. One Friday afternoon Ann invited Kim over for a nice long chat. Ann brought Ice along with her so that the Quatyl could visit with each other as well. "James seems a little depressed to me," Ann said once the two women had made themselves comfortable around the table. "That doesn't sound like James," Kim said. If there was anyone who was upbeat, it was James. Shrugging her shoulders, Ann said, "I found Irving today." "He surprised you again with that little plastic spider," Kim said shaking her head. If it was her, she would have thrown that thing out years ago. "No. It was sitting on his dresser," Ann said sadly. "It was just sitting on his dresser?" Kim asked in surprise. Nodding her head, Ann said, "Yes. It was just sitting there. No surprise or anything. I realized that it had been sitting there for weeks." "You're kidding?" Kim said. "I think the responsibility of being an Admiral is not good for James," Ann said. She had been worried that he wouldn't take it seriously. Now she was worried that he was taking it too seriously. "That's not good," Kim said. She tried to remember the last time James had pulled any tricks on her or Ken. It seemed like it had been months ago. "I don't know what to do," Ann said and then sighed. It was a long depressed sign. Kim frowned. She had never seen her friend this depressed. She asked, "What does Starman say?" "He says that James has been a most attentive pet, but doesn't talk much anymore. He says that James strokes his back through almost all of the meetings," Ann answered. "I'm not sure that is a good thing. They used to discuss who was the pet and who was the owner all of the time." "This does sound bad," Kim said. "I know," Ann said. She took a sip of her coffee and then asked, "What can I do?" "Take a vacation and have a kid," Ann answered absently while thinking about a real solution to the problem. "That's not a bad idea," Ann said perking up. It seemed to her that everyone was having children all of a sudden. The Omagrons were breeding like flies. It was getting hard to walk around the space ship without finding a foot and a half tall young Omagron out exploring the world. "Uh, I'm not sure the universe is ready for a baby James," Kim said sounding worried. "We might be lucky and get a baby Ann," Ann replied with a laugh. A horrible thought occurred to Kim. She said, "You might have twin boys." Ann shivered and said, "Don't even joke about that." ------- Admiral 2c1b2t was of mixed moods concerning the disappearance of another hunter fleet. On one hand, he didn't like losing ships. On the other hand, it looked like they had stumbled across another alien race that fought rather than ran away like a lot of them did. There was the opportunity for glory here. He had to destroy just one more world to be a Lord and there was a world here to destroy. He frowned as he read the report a second time. The hunter fleet had indicated that they met a single ship. The ship was a sphere and was just sitting in space doing nothing. The problem was that ships didn't sit in space doing nothing. Space stations sat in space doing nothing, but the report clearly indicated that it was a ship. He turned to his aide and asked, "Are you sure this is an accurate report?" "It is the report that was transmitted," his aide answered. "It says there was only one ship," Admiral 2c1b2t said. If he had a brow, it would have been furrowed. He didn't, so it wasn't. "Yes, sir," his aide said. "A whole hunter fleet was destroyed by one ship?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked finding it hard to believe. "So it would appear," his aide answered. If he had eyes capable of rolling, he would have been rolling them about that time. "There's no defensive wall," Admiral 2c1b2t said more to himself than the aide. "There was no mention of a defensive wall," the aide commented. "I'm a little disappointed," Admiral 2c1b2t said. He was looking forward to another engagement like they had with the Boggums. "I understand, sir," the aide said. Setting aside his momentary disappointment, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Tell the next hunter patrol to broadcast their engagement. I have to know what these aliens are capable of doing." "Yes, sir," the aide said. "No single ship should be able to withstand the offensive might of a hunter fleet," Admiral 2c1b2t said. Although a Chitiniodian planet buster was capable of withstanding a hunter fleet, it couldn't withstand three hunter fleets. It was also the most powerful ship in the Chitiniodian Space Force. "Yes, sir," his aide replied. He had read the report. An entire hunter fleet getting destroyed by a single ship is what seemed to have happened. "Have seven hunter fleets meet in space. We'll send a larger force in after we have a better idea what these aliens can do," Admiral 2c1b2t said deciding to be conservative in his approach to this problem. "Yes, sir." "They encountered one ship," Admiral 2c1b2t said shaking his head. "Yes, sir," the aide replied. He could understand the admiral's confusion. He'd entertained the same thoughts when he had first read the report. He added, "It was just sitting there." "And it is a sphere," Admiral 2c1b2t said. The shape was confusing as well. There was no need to build ships in any special geometry. Space didn't require aerodynamics. All of the ships they had encountered to date were misshapen lumps. "Is that significant?" the aide asked. "I don't know," Admiral 2c1b2t answered. There were just too many questions for which he had no answers. It was rather disturbing. "Yes, sir," the aide said knowing that was a safe response regardless of what was happening. "Any chance it might have been a space station?" the Admiral asked. The fact that it was just sitting there in space really bothered him. "Perhaps Captain four clicks — four thrums — one drum was mistaken in calling it a ship," the aide said. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "That would make sense. It had ships in dock and they destroyed the hunter fleet." "Yes, sir," the aide said. "It is too small to be a space station," Admiral 2c1b2t said looking at the report. The ship was reportedly the same size as a hunter ship. "Yes, sir," the aide said thinking that they were making no progress very quickly. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "I wish I knew what was going on there." "Yes, sir," the aid said. "Well, get to it," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Yes, sir," the aide said as he scurried from the room. He had almost forgotten what he was supposed to do. ------- "Two titanic powers faced each other with violence in their hearts. It was so silent that you could hear a pin drop. The tension was incredible. I stood there on the bridge of the ship hardly able to breathe. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest like a big bass drum. Do you know that feeling?" James said looking at the young ensign who had been assigned to be his aide. "Yes, sir," the ensign said sitting on the edge of his seat. He had just asked Admiral Kamp about the most exciting military engagement that he had ever observed. He had heard stories about the engagements with the Chitiniodians. Now, he had a chance to hear the story from the man who had been there. James leaned forward with his eyes narrowed. Pointing his finger at the ensign, he said, "Then the event that we were all waiting for happened. It is at times like that when you know you're alive. The blood courses through your veins. You hold your breath. The whole time you are just hoping that you survive. Even to this day, I can't help but feel energized when I think about it. I want you to know that I was there for the whole thing." "Yes, sir," the ensign said. "I feared that my bravery would fail me, but I stayed there knowing that if I were to run that I would never be able to face myself in the mirror ever again," James said. He leaned forward and whispered, "You should hope that your courage is never tested like that." "Yes, sir," the ensign said nodding his head. He knew that James had stood on the bridge of the star ship as the Chitiniodians fired upon it. He didn't know if he would be able to stand there calm and collected while the enemy fired upon him. "Just like that, it happened," James said snapping his finger. "What happened?" the ensign asked jumping in his seat when James had snapped his fingers. This was the most exciting war story he had ever heard. "We declared war on the Quatyl and then they surrendered," James answered sitting back in his chair. "Huh?" the ensign said dumbfounded. "It was amazing. Did you know that was the shortest war in history?" James asked. "Uh..." "It makes me proud that I observed the whole thing," James said shaking his head while looking up at the ceiling. He slipped his hand into his coat like Napoleon. Not sure how to react, but convinced that laughing at the Admiral would shorten his career, the ensign said, "Oh." Patting the young man on the shoulder, James said, "You just can't beat the excitement of an event like that, Ensign Powell." "Yes, sir," Ensign Powell said politely. He hoped the dinner wasn't going to last much longer. He wanted to get back to his quarters so that he could rethink this assignment. ------- Chapter 21 Rubbing his claws against his chest to sharpen them, Admiral 2c1b2t watched the recording of the battle between his hunter fleet and the alien ship. As soon as the recording started he shouted, "Stop!" His aide stopped the recording and looked at the screen. There were seven pictures showing the views from all seven ships of the hunter fleet. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Do you see that?" "What?" the aide asked wondering why they had to do this right before lunch. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "They fired right as our ships slowed to fighting speed. The Captain hadn't even started his scan yet." "Ah, you are right, sir," the aide said. The signatures of twelve missiles heading towards the hunter fleet were clearly visible when the initial scan started. Pointing a claw at the screen, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Do you see that! Twelve missiles! They can only fire twelve missiles." "Yes, sir," the aide said not nearly as excited as the admiral. He could add as well as the admiral. Four ships were each reporting three missiles heading towards them. Admiral 2c1b2t stared at the screen for another moment and then said, "They are a filthy race. Do you see how much debris is there?" "Yes, sir," the aide said. It did appear that this race did leave its trash in space. "It is a hazard in navigation," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Yes, sir," the aide said. "Play it," Admiral 2c1b2t said staring at the screen. A few seconds later, he clicked angrily and said, "They got four of our ships." "Yes, sir," the aide said wondering why the admiral hadn't known that was going to happen when the sensors reported that four ships were targeted with three missiles each. "Stop," Admiral 2c1b2t clicked. He stared at the screen and said, "Do you see that? They fired just before our ships returned fire. They can fire just a click or two faster than us." "Yes, sir," the aide said thinking that it was more like a half a thrum faster. "Play it," Admiral 2c1b2t said completely focused on the screen. The displays went out just before their missiles reached the enemy ship. He clicked his frustration and then said, "They got the last three ships. That one ship killed a whole hunter fleet!" "Very tragic," the aide said staring at the blank screen. "Back it up so that I can see what happens just before our ships get destroyed," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Yes, sir," the aide said while he dialed the recording back. Once he was a second before the ships were destroyed, he started the replay. Clicking madly, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "I couldn't see what happened to the alien ship. Back it up again and then play it slowly." "Yes, sir," the aide said following orders. "Stop!" Admiral 2c1b2t said. He gestured at the screen with his claw and said, "Do you see that? Do you see that? Forty five missiles are about to strike the alien ship!" "Yes, sir," the aide said counting the missiles displayed on the recording. There were forty-five missiles just about to encounter the shields of the alien ship. "So our fleet destroyed it," Admiral 2c1b2t said sitting back pleased with the result. No ship could resist forty-five missiles. "Yes, sir," the aide said. Once his pleasure over the alien ship getting destroyed had subsided a little, Admiral 2c1b2t silently stared at the screen. He said, "One ship destroyed a hunter fleet. That is not good." "Yes, sir," the aide said. "They had a big advantage though," Admiral 2c1b2t said rubbing his mandible with his claw. "An advantage?" Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Yes. They were not moving and were able to fire first. The first ship to slow always has the advantage." "Yes, sir," the aide said. "The question is why the ship was not moving," Admiral 2c1b2t said thinking over the matter. The initial sensor readings said that the ship was not moving when it was first spotted. There was only one way to explain that. He said, "They have sensors that can spot our ships a little earlier than we can find theirs." "Brilliant analysis, sir," the aide said with proper deference. He wondered how much longer he was going to be there. It was lunch time and he was really getting hungry. "Yes," Admiral 2c1b2t said without false modesty. He said, "They spot our ships and then stop before we see them. It gives them an advantage in battle. They can fire just a click or two faster than us and that gives them another little advantage in battle." "Yes, sir." The news wasn't entirely bad. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "We can fire more missiles than them. That will give us the advantage when our forces meet their forces in a big battle." "Yes, sir," the aide said. "Have the seven hunter fleets met up yet?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked. "Not yet, sir. They will all reach the meeting point soon," the aide answered. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Order them to seek out another of those alien ships. Once they've defeated the ship, they are to split into two groups and search for more ships." "Yes, sir," the aide said glad that that he was getting orders now. That meant they would be done soon and he could go get something to eat. "Have them transmit the battle," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Yes, sir," the aide said. "On second thought, have them record the battle and transmit it back when the fight is over," Admiral 2c1b2t said. The three remaining ships might have been slow in returning fire because they were worried about broadcasting the battle back to him. "Yes, sir," the aide said. "Wait, have them broadcast it." "Yes, sir," the aide said wishing the admiral would make up his mind. He was starving. "Well, get to it!" "Yes, sir," the aide said. The aide ran from the room thinking that he'd take care of those details after lunch. "He's an excitable little fellow. He's very gung ho about his work," Admiral 2c1b2t said watching the aide leave the room. ------- Waiting for the stage curtains to open, Ann was wondering how it was that they had ended up in Nevada. When she had suggested a vacation, she had not even considered Las Vegas as a destination. She had been thinking of Paris or Rome. She was pretty sure they were going to go to Paris until James had rushed into the room excitedly pointing to a piece of paper. Now, she was about to watch what had convinced James to come here. Looking around at the nightclub, James said, "I'm so excited." "This was a smart idea," Ken said feeling satisfied. After gambling for most of the day, he still had five dollars left from his original stake of a thousand dollars. "Thank you," James said nodding his head as if taking a bow. He said, "I've always wanted to see the Great Ploppertui on stage." Kim laughed and said, "He was talking about the vacation, not the magic show." "You don't want to see the Great Ploppertui?" James asked with a hurt expression on his face. The Great Ploppertui was only the greatest magician of all time. He said, "He can make big things disappear and reappear." Ann rolled her eyes. For the past two months, James had talked about nothing except the Great Ploppertui. She had even enticed James into bed by suggesting that James could make a big thing of his disappear and reappear, too. He had enjoyed that and to be honest, so had she. She said, "They are ecstatic." "They should be. We're going to see the Great Ploppertui," James said gesturing towards the stage. The show started and James watched fascinated as trick after trick got more complicated than the one before it. The grand finale had the Great Ploppertui making a car disappear and then reappear at the other end of the stage. The car disappeared again and then reappeared where it had originally been. James stood and clapped wildly having enjoyed the whole show. Ann wanted to crawl under the table when James started shouting, "Encore! Encore!" "You're supposed to say, Bravo," Kim said managing to stop laughing long enough to get the words out of her mouth. "No. I want him to perform some more," James said. He turned to the stage and shouted, "Encore!" After James had calmed down a little, Ken said, "I take it you enjoyed the show." "You can say that again. Isn't that guy great? Did you see how he made that car disappear and then reappear?" James replied. He wondered if he could get tickets for the next night. "Yes, I did," Ken said hoping that James didn't have tickets for the next night. James said, "That is his specialty. He makes big things disappear and reappear." Thinking that her head would explode if she heard that one more time, Ann said, "We know." "I wish that I could do that with our ships," James said looking up at the stage. Ken and Kim looked at each other for a second. Ken asked, "Would you repeat that?" "Huh?" James asked looking over at Ken. "Would you repeat what you just said," Ken said. "He makes big things disappear and then reappear," James said looking at Ken puzzled. "After that," Ken said. "Oh, I wish that I could do that with our ships," James said. After exchanging a rather meaningful glance with Ken, Kim asked, "How would you like to meet the Great Ploppertui?" "That would be so great," James said. ------- Chip Blatz, also known as the Great Ploppertui, was not a happy man. There were a dozen women wanting to enjoy his company for the evening and his manager was being a pain in the butt. He looked over at the man and asked, "You want me to talk to some guy rather than get laid?" "Yes," his manager answered knowing that things were not going to work out the way he wanted. Chip was in full hormone drive that evening. "Wrong answer," Chip said. "He's an Admiral," his manager said. "So what," Chip replied as a woman caught his eye. He waved over at her and then watched while she slowly raised the hem of her skirt. "One of the officers with him threatened to draft you," his manager said. "I'm not doing a UFO show," Chip said thinking that the woman had really nice legs that went on with no end. He licked his lips as the hem of her dress kept going up and said, "There is an end and I must say that it is a nice end." "That's USO and that isn't what he meant," his manager said stamping his foot. He was a little man and some people thought he looked cute when he stamped his foot like that. Of course, comments to that effect tended to thoroughly irritate him and caused him to stamp his foot again. It often triggered a chain reaction of him stomping his foot thereby triggering a comment that he looked cute which caused him to stomp his foot again. "He can't draft me. I'm a star," Chip said. He waved at the woman pleased to see that the hem of her dress had not made any progress downwards. In fact, it had just passed the top of her g-string panties. "He can draft you. It is Admiral Kamp and he's in charge of Earth Defense." Ignoring his manager, Chip said, "The only thing I need defending from is her husband if she's married." His manager grabbed him by the chin and physically forced Chip to look at him. In a very loud voice, he said, "If you don't talk to him, you will be peeling potatoes on a space barge somewhere. Do you understand me?" "What's he going to do?" Chip asked with a snort. "He's going to draft you into the Earth Space Force," his manager answered. "He can't do that." "He can and he will. Go talk to him," his manager said pointing towards the curtain. Chip looked over at the group of women vying for his attention and groaned. He said, "Look at that. Those two are kissing. I love it when women kiss each other." "Go talk to him." Shaking his head, Chip said, "Do you see that? I've got a woman showing me her g-string panties while she's still wearing them and two women kissing. How can anyone expect me to pass that up?" ------- Although James was supposedly on vacation, he still had to work on occasion. Most of the time, he had to sit in on strategy meetings, but there were occasional times when he was supposed to meet the public or others in the military. James, having been catapulted up from lowly civilian sensor specialist to Admiral overnight, was somewhat of trial for his two handlers, Ken and Ensign Powell. It wasn't even the complex stuff that gave the two men problems. There were times when they had to remind him to return a salute. James looked out the window of the car as they approached the main building of the Air Force Academy. Men and women, all in uniform, were lined up in front of the building watching the road attentively. He commented, "Wow, look at all those people." "Yes, there are a lot of people," Ken said. James looked around and said, "Something big must be happening. Look at how everyone is facing the street. I think they are waiting for some kind of parade." "You might say that," Ken said with a chuckle. "Maybe we can stop and watch," James said turning to look out the back window thinking that the action had to be behind him. He didn't think they'd be too upset if he was a few minutes late to give his speech. He glanced at his watch and realized they were a few minutes early. "They are here to see you," Ken said shaking his head. This was their first visit to any place that was even remotely military other than the space station and a couple of ships. So far, James hadn't had to deal with any kind of military ceremonies yet. "Oh." James looked at the crowd of people and said, "I'd be pretty disappointed if I were them." "I'm sure you would be," Ken said as the car came to a stop. He hoped that he'd be able to maneuver James through the next hour of activities. He asked, "Do you have your speech?" "No, I thought I'd wing it," James said with a grin. Sometimes Ken worried too much. Of course, Ken wasn't nearly as bad as Ensign Powell. That poor guy worried about everything. James didn't think that was healthy and he was trying hard to break the young man of the habit. Shaking his head, Ken said, "I'm pretty sure that Ensign Powell has a copy of it." Ensign Powell had worked on the speech for two weeks solid trying to get each and every word perfect. It was elegant and thoughtful. It was the kind of speech that a statesman would give. It was everything that James wasn't and he felt that was probably a good thing. He said, "I have three copies of it in my briefcase." "Relax, I've got it right here," James said patting the coat of his uniform. Shaking his head, he said, "You're too tense. Lighten up and enjoy the moment." "This is a serious event," Ensign Powell said. He had nightmares of James reading the speech backwards while sacrificing a goat. Last night, he'd woken up in a cold sweat having dreamed that James had given the speech after inhaling helium. "Really?" James asked looking all wide-eyed and innocent. "Don't tease the ensign," Ken said. "Yes, really. What you say here could be part of history," Ensign Powell said. With considerable help from Ensign Powell, Ken managed to get James through all of the normal protocol without too much difficultly. Although it seemed like an entire day had passed, it was only an hour before they made their way to the raised platform from which James was to deliver his speech to the graduating class of Air Force Cadets. As they climbed the steps, James said, "Did I happen to mention that I tend to throw up when I have to talk in front of large crowds?" Shaking his head, Ken said, "No." Never quite sure when Admiral Kamp was joking and when he wasn't, Ensign Powell nearly tripped. It seemed to him that every one of his nightmares was about to come true. Feeling a little sick himself, Ensign Powell said, "Please don't get sick." "That's easy to say, but hard to do," James said with a grin. He looked over at Ensign Powell and commented, "You don't look too well." "Do you have your speech?" Ensign Powell asked clutching his briefcase tightly. For a moment, he couldn't remember if he had put the speech in it. He had visions of the admiral pointing a finger at him shouting, "You forgot to bring my speech!" "More or less," James answered. Seeing the confused look on the ensign's face, Ken said, "Don't tease the ensign." "That's easy to say, but hard to do," James said with a smile. After a few others had gotten up and given their speeches, it was James' turn at the podium. He stepped up and removed a single sheet of paper from his coat pocket. From behind, he could hear Ensign Powell, in a nervous voice, say, "That isn't the speech. The speech is longer than that." "You might be right," Ken said. "Oh, God," Ensign Powell said. He looked up at the sky thinking that this moment was proof that God didn't exist. If God did exist then he was a cruel God for allowing this to happen to him. He fumbled for his briefcase to get out another copy of the speech. James snapped the sheet of paper open and said, "Ensign Powell, my speech writer and general right hand man, has prepared a nice little speech for me to give. I told him to make me sound as pompous as possible. If I can read his writing, we will see if he was successful." There was a little titter of laughter at the joke. Ensign Powell groaned and pulled out a copy of the speech from his briefcase. James looked at the paper and read, "One loaf of bread. Gallon of milk. One head of lettuce." "Oops, I brought the shopping list," James said looking up from the sheet of paper. He held it up for everyone to see. He looked back at the noise behind him and added, "It appears that I just lost my ensign." As Ken and several others on the stage worked to revive Ensign Powell, James turned back to the audience and said, "While they're trying to revive him, I'll say a few words and then you can dispense with us old coots and enjoy your parties. I love parties. A party is when friends and family gather together to celebrate successes and to enjoy good times. That's what makes us human. "When you are out there in the dark empty void of space, I want you to remember why you are there. You'll be fighting so that next year's graduates of this fine institution can stand here in the hot sun and listen to old men drone on forever," James paused and then added, "Okay, so maybe that won't motivate you to fight." There was a little laughter at that line. James' smile disappeared as he said, "Let me put it in very blunt terms. You will be fighting for the lives of your friends and family. You'll be fighting so that friends can share good times with each other. You'll be fighting so that brides and grooms can walk down the aisle and say, 'I do.' You'll be fighting so that mothers can watch their kids go off to their first day of school. "You see, that's what it is all about. We aren't fighting for high ideals. Ideals have nothing to do with this war. The aliens want to remove all traces of humans from the universe. We are fighting for the continued existence of humanity. We don't want human friendship, love, and laughter to die out. We want it refreshed generation after generation. That's the short version of the speech. It is as simple as that," James paused and looked across at the young men and women staring back at him with wide eyes. Seeing that he had their full attention, he said, "Enjoy your selves this fine afternoon and evening. Laugh with your friends and family while you celebrate this major milestone in your life. Tomorrow, you'll undertake the serious job of keeping the laughter alive." James returned to his seat amidst loud applause. There was nothing better during an event like this for the main speaker to cut a thirty minute speech down to five minutes. He looked over at Ensign Powell and asked, "Are you okay?" "Can I have a transfer?" "No," James said with a smile. "I thought not," Ensign Powell said with a sigh. Not even in his worst nightmare had James read a shopping list as his speech. "He's an excitable little fellow," James said wiggling his eyebrows at Ken. "Don't tease the ensign," Ken said rolling his eyes at James. One of the other officers leaned over and said, "Outstanding speech, Admiral Kamp. Even with the moments of levity, you put everything about this war into perspective. These young men and women will remember your words for the rest of their lives." "Thank you, Admiral Karnes," James said with a shrug of his shoulders. Gesturing to Ensign Powell, he said, "It was his idea." "Good job, Ensign," the man said. He had heard the ensign mention that it wasn't his speech. He had been there when the young man had fainted on hearing a grocery list being recited. With a wry grin, he said, "It must be a pleasure working for a man like Admiral Kamp." "Yes, sir," Ensign Powell replied convinced there was a god and he was a cruel bastard. It was either that or he had died and gone to hell. ------- Chapter 22 Chip Blatz looked at that massive man standing to his left. He had never seen anyone that big in his entire life with just one exception. That exception was standing to his right. Both men had pistols and looked cross enough to want to use them. That morning, the two monsters on each side of him had come to his home and physically carried him away. The big guy to his left said, "The Admiral will see you now." "Good," Chip said staring at the door wondering how much trouble he was in. He hadn't believed his manager when the guy had told him the Admiral could get him drafted. He hadn't believed the registered letter that had arrived in the mail a month earlier saying that he was to report at Nellis Air Force Base a week ago. In hindsight, he should have listened to his manager or at least have actually answered the registered letter. With more than a little hope in his voice, he said, "Maybe he'll send me home." The man to his right held open the door and grunted, "Go in." Chip walked into the room looking around nervously. There were real aliens from outer space in the room with him. Swallowing, he wondered what kind of situation into which he had been dragged. He said, "Hello." An officer gestured to him and said, "Sit down. It is about to start." "What's about to start?" Chip asked hoping that it wasn't his court-martial for failing to report to duty. "Be quiet. This is serious," the man said turning to face an image being projected in the middle of the conference table. Nodding his head as he watched the image, James said, "They sent seven hunter fleets." Captain Alberts said, "Captain Madison has his orders. He will open forty-nine umbrellas before they come to a complete stop." "Excellent. That should surprise them," James said nodding his head. Chip wondered what they were talking about. He stared at the image and couldn't make out too many details. He asked, "What's going on?" Ignoring the question, Captain Alberts said, "The umbrellas are opening." Watching the action, James said, "Perfect. We couldn't have timed it better. The hunter fleets just came to a stop." Watching the technical displays, Captain Anders said, "They just finished their scan. We can expect them to launch any time now." Captain Alberts said, "They've fired the missiles." James bit down on one of his knuckles while watching the screen. He sat back in his chair with relief once the trajectories of the missiles had been plotted. The enemy had attacked the umbrellas. Shifting in his seat, he said, "Come on, fire." Chip stared at the display realizing that he was watching an actual battle between the Earth Space Forces and the Chitiniodians. He put a hand over his mouth and watched the action terrified by what might happen. He nearly jumped when half of the ships suddenly disappeared. He hoped that it wasn't the Earth ships that had been destroyed. "Their fleet is gone," James said. Turning to Captain Alberts, he asked, "Did it look like our umbrellas sent their own missiles back at them?" "It looked that way to me. I'll have to study the recording," Captain Alberts answered. He would have to study the recording carefully to know for sure. "We have managed to hide our real capabilities from them again." Chip looked around the room trying to figure out from where the voice was originating. The furry alien was talking in some weird language, but a slug was speaking English. It took him a second to realize what was going on. He stared at the furry alien thinking that it looked like a character from a television show. "Excellent," James said. The image of Captain Monroe filled the screen. He said, "Admiral James. We have been successful in our mission. We even managed to record their transmissions. We will forward them to you once we have finished converting them to our format." "Good work, Captain Monroe," James said very pleased with the report. "I will contact you later," Captain Monroe said. "Okay," James said. "That was an Andicor," Chip said staring at the now blank transmission screen. It really did look a lot like a crab with a bit of praying mantis added to it. James turned to the magician and said, "It is such a pleasure to finally be able to meet the Great Ploppertui. I really enjoyed your show when I was in Las Vegas." "Thank you," Chip said. He said, "The name is Chip Blatz." "Chip Blatz?" James asked feeling a little disappointed upon learning the man's real name. "Yes," Chip said. He got that same reaction to his name all of the time. James turned to everyone else in the room and said, "This is the Great Ploppertui. He makes big things disappear and then reappear." Knowing that the ability to come to proper logical conclusions required distinguishing fact from fiction, Cousin Itt wanted clarification of what James had said. He asked, "What do you mean?" "He's a magician," James answered. Unable to translate the explanation, Starman said, "There is no Quatyl word for that." "You're kidding?" James said looking over at his pet. Starman said, "No. There is no Quatyl word for practical joker, although your name is starting to mean that. When a Quatyl does something stupid in a clever manner, we say that he's pulling a James." "Thanks," James said with a grin. "That wasn't a compliment," Starman said dryly. Cousin Itt said, "I still don't know what you mean by making big things disappear and then reappear." James was silent for a moment and then said, "Tell Cousin Itt that the Great Ploppertui is a professional deceiver of the eyes." "Okay," Starman said. "That is interesting, but why is he here?" Cousin Itt said not quite believing the translation. James turned to Chip and said, "Show them a trick." Chip reached into his pocket and removed a couple of coins. He always traveled with a trick or two just in case there was a lady around to impress. He enjoyed impressing the ladies since they often rewarded him in extremely pleasurable ways. He laid three coins on the table and asked, "How many coins are there?" Cousin Itt answered, "Three." "Are you sure?" Chip asked. "Very sure," Cousin Itt answered. Chip picked up the coins very deliberately and put them in the palm of his hand. He asked, "How many coins are there?" "Three." Chip closed his hands and then opened them. He asked, "How many coins are there?" "Three ... No, there are four," Cousin Itt said leaning forward unable to believe what he was seeing. The other aliens leaned forward and studied the coins in Chip's hand. It was obvious that none of them had expected the number of coins to increase. "Are you sure?" Chip asked. "Yes," Cousin Itt said. Chip closed his hand and then opened it again. He asked, "How many coins are there?" Cousin Itt stared at the hand unable to believe his eyes. There were only two coins in the palm of Chip's hand. Uncertain, he answered, "Two." Chip put the two coins on the table and asked, "How many coins are in my hand?" "None," Cousin Itt answered fairly confident. Chip closed his hand and opened it again. He asked, "How many coins?" "Two," Cousin Itt answered. He looked down at the table and saw that the two coins were still there. He said, "This is not logical." James said, "He is a magician." "Yes, he lies to the eyes quite convincingly," Cousin Itt said still staring at the coins in Chip's hand. Chip collected the coins from the table and closed his hand. When he opened it, there were only three coins. Smiling, he returned the coins to his pocket. As he did that, he realized that he was probably the first man in the history of magic to perform in front of an alien from another planet. He reached over and pulled a coin out of James's ear. He said, "I bet you didn't know that was there." "I didn't see that one coming," James said a little disappointed. Pulling the coin out of the ear trick was something to show little kids. Cousin Itt was silent as he tried to process the demonstration that he had seen. After a minute, he said, "Admiral Kamp. You said that he makes big things disappear and then reappear." "That is right," James said looking over at the Great Ploppertui. "Could he do that with space ships?" As far as James was concerned, that was the million dollar question. He asked, "Can you do that with space ships?" "Sure," Chip said, "I make cars disappear all of the time." "We want to know if you can do that in space," James said pointing upwards. He wanted to make sure that there wasn't any misunderstanding. "In space?" Chip asked surprised by the request. "Some time in the future the Chitiniodians are going to come back. We want a bunch of disappeared star ships to suddenly appear," James said with a smile. Realizing that they had been tricking the enemy so far, Cousin Itt said, "I think that having another professional deceiver on our side will help us win the war." "What do you mean?" James asked. Starman answered, "He's calling you a liar." "You have been lying to the enemy all of this time. We can use another professional liar on our side," Cousin Itt answered. The Gnord who sat on the Brain Trust had never made a contribution to the discussions concerning the war effort. By the time it came to a conclusion, the problem it had been trying to solve was usually long gone. This was not an unexpected behavior since the Gnord tended to approach problems with the most excruciating attention to each and every detail. Much to the surprise of everyone in the room, the Gnord that James called Chiron said, "It is the best solution I can find." Unable to believe what he was hearing, Chip asked, "Do you mean to tell me that you want to fight the Chitiniodians with magic tricks?" "Yes," James answered with a grin. ------- The aide was performing a complex four legged dance out of nervousness when the admiral entered his office. The broadcast of the battle had arrived during the admiral's sleep period. Assuming that the outcome of the battle was well understood, the admiral had given explicit instructions that his sleep was not to be disturbed. The aide said, "Admiral, the broadcast of the battle arrived last night." "Good. I'll watch it later," Admiral 2c1b2t said. He had some pretty boring meetings scheduled that morning and he figured that watching the battle later would relieve the tedium of his day. The aide said, "I think you should watch it now." Admiral 2c1b2t wasn't sure what to make of the uncharacteristic behavior of his aide. He asked, "Why do you say that?" "The results were unexpected," the aide said trying to put a spin on what happened. The speed of his four legged dance increased with his nervousness. It wasn't good to bring bad news. Admiral 2c1b2t studied his aide for a minute noticing his nervousness. Curious, he said, "Okay. Start the recording." "Yes, sir," the aide said. After watching the recording three times, Admiral 2c1b2t stared at a blank screen. Absently rubbing his claws against his body, he didn't know what to think. He was trying to figure out how those forty nine ships had appeared from nowhere. There was not enough detail in the sensor readings taken during the approach of the hunter fleets to see them, but as soon as the fleets had stopped the ships were suddenly there. The aide stood waiting for the admiral to say something. Just about when he was ready to ask a question, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "It is hard to believe that those alien ships took out seven hunter fleets." "Yes, sir," the aide said. "Play the recording again. I want to see when those ships arrived," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Yes, sir," the aide said. "This is not good. It looks like they arrived and stopped one thrum before ours," Admiral 2c1b2t said after watching the beginning of the battle for the fourth time. He was still finding it incomprehensible that the alien fleet had beaten seven hunter fleets. "Yes, sir," the aide said wondering if they were going to watch those recordings all day long. "There is no sign of how they arrived. One click they were not there and the next click they were. This is very unusual," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Most unusual, sir," the aide said thinking that an occasional change in reply would help break the tedium. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Did you see how their ships sent our missiles back at us?" "Yes, sir. I noticed that," the aide said. "This is very bad," Admiral 2c1b2t said. He slammed a claw down, getting it stuck in the wood of his desk. While wrestling it out, he said, "I don't think we killed one of their ships." "Yes, sir," the aide said wondering if he was supposed to agree with the admiral on this point. "They have destroyed eleven of my hunter fleets," Admiral 2c1b2t said about the same time as his claw came loose of the table. After watching this battle, he wasn't sure that they had killed any of the alien ships. "Yes, sir," the aide said watching the claw carefully. Admiral 2c1b2t considered his options. He said, "Inform the other admirals in this sector of this situation. Forward the recordings to them." "Yes, sir," the aide said. "Arrange for us to meet," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Yes, sir," the aide said. ------- "Oh James," Ann called out to her husband in a sweet voice. "What?" James asked looking up from the travel brochure he was studying. Their three month vacation was about to come to an end and he wanted to visit at least a dozen theme parks before leaving for space. "I have some news for you," Ann said. "Oh," James said wondering if that was a good thing. He could just imagine her telling him that she had made arrangements to visit yet another fashion show. It was that or shopping. "I'm having a baby," Ann said. "Oh," James said stunned by the unexpected announcement. He had never given much thought to becoming a father. He kind of liked the idea of that. He started imagining a dozen little James clones running around playing practical jokes. Waiting for some kind of reaction from her husband, Ann crossed her arms and asked, "Aren't you going to say something?" "Um, does the father know?" James asked looking up at her with a smile on his face. He looked down at the travel brochure and scratched the theme parks off the list of places to visit. "He does now," Ann replied tapping her foot in a somewhat angry fashion. "I'm pretty sure he's happy. I know I would be," James said barely able to keep the excitement from his voice. He asked, "By the way, who is the father?" "The father is the soon to be late Admiral Kamp," Ann said narrowing her eyes. She was not amused. "Late for what?" James asked with a smile. He was about to discover that you didn't joke around with a pregnant woman. ------- "Admiral Kamp," Whip said sticking his head in the door of James' office. "Ah, Whip," James said. There was something unnerving about having a creature that looked a lot like a raptor dinosaur sticking his head in your office. He asked, "What can I do for you?" Whip paused for a moment considering the question. He wasn't there to ask for anything. After a long delay while trying to think of something that James could do for him, he realized that was another of those strange Earth statements that twisted things around. James wasn't asking to provide him with some service, but wanted to know why he was there. He answered, "I have come to inform you of the progress we are making in building ships." "Oh, excellent," James said looking at Whip. Whip looked back at James waiting for him to ask a question. After a moment, he said, "We have built ten thousand of your star ships." "Ten thousand?" James asked surprised at the quantity. It didn't seem that enough time had passed for that many ships to get built. "Yes. All ten thousand were completed this morning," Whip said. He had put the entire home world to work building ships. Ten thousand shipyards had been constructed and each shipyard had each built one ship. All of the shipyards had finished their ship that morning. "All of them were completed this morning?" James asked staring at him. He wondered if he understood the Engel correctly. "Yes. Do you want us to build another ten thousand?" Whip asked. James wasn't sure that there were enough Andicors to staff that many ships. Shaking his head, he said, "We need ships for the Dactites." "How many?" Whip asked. "Fifty thousand?" James asked not quite sure how many they would need. He did know that the Dactites were actually looking forward to joining in the battle if they could field sufficient numbers to overwhelm the enemy. "Okay. I will get everyone started on building fifty thousand Dactite ships," Whip said. He was quiet for a second and then asked, "Would it be okay if I build them ten thousand at a time?" "That would be fine," James answered nodding his head. "Good," Whip said thinking that his business was done. "Where are the star ships now?" James asked. "They are at our construction facilities. They will be delivered to the space station in two weeks," Whip said. James began to envision the region of space at the edge of the solar system turning into one giant parking lot. A shiver went down his spine at the thought of sixty thousand ships parked around the space station. He said, "I would prefer if they were delivered to the Andicor home world." "I will see to it," Whip said. "Good job," James said. An Engel defines himself by his purpose. In Whip's case, he considered his purpose to be supporting the Human/Quatyl war effort. To be told that he had done a good job was very unusual. Still, the words did make him feel good. He said, "Thank you." "You're welcome," James said. Feeling good, Whip turned to leave the office. Although he wasn't very tall, his body was quite long. The small offices required him to be very careful in how he turned. More than once his long tail had knocked everything off someone's desk. Even with the care he had taken, a stack of papers on the corner of James' desk fell to the floor. James watched Whip maneuver out of the office wondering how he would deal with moving around in a standard sized work cubicle. Talking to no one in particular while picking up the scattered papers, he said, "I wonder how long it is going to take for the expression, 'like a bull in a china shop, ' to be replaced by the expression, 'like an Engel in a cubicle.'" ------- "James!" "Yes, oh love of my life," James answered as sweetly as he could. He even managed not to flinch this time. "Don't take that tone with me," Ann said entering the office within their quarters. "Never again," James said trying to look suitably apologetic. Ann posed in front of him and asked, "Does this dress make me look fat?" "Not at all, my dear. It shows the world that you are expecting our first born child," James answered thinking that was a safe enough answer. The Slathern in the room made a weird sound when Starman and Stardust both tried to control it to produce a laugh. Ann didn't think it was funny. In a cold voice, she said, "I'm not showing yet." James had a feeling that he had blown it again, but there was always a chance that he could make a good save. Smiling up at her, he said, "I know dear. It is just that I can't help but see a radiant mother when I look at you." "That's nice," Ann said smiling at him. The smile quickly disappeared and she said, "You can really crank out the bull when you want." Giving up, James said, "No. I love you. I really love the idea that you're carrying my child. I keep visualizing a dozen little copies of me running around the space station playing practical jokes on Captain Klein." "Really?" Ann asked although the thought of a dozen copies of James was a little hard to think about without flinching. "Yes, really. In fact, I'm about to order his first plastic spider. I was thinking about a giant tarantula," James said with a smile. "Maybe it will be a girl," Ann said wondering if this was such a good idea. "I'm sure she'll enjoy having a plastic spider," James said. Ann shook her head and said, "Little girls don't like spiders." "Oh," James said with a frown. He scratched his head and then said, "I know. She'll like a can with a snake inside." "No," Ann said. James said, "You're probably right. I'll just have to call up mom and find out what she recommends." "There's no need to do that," Ann said terrified by that little prospect. James looked up at the ceiling with a small smile on his face. He said, "She still has the first whoopee cushion that she bought me when I was a little baby. She would put it under me when I was in my stroller. She told me that I always use to kick it when ever she'd introduce me to someone. It was always good for a laugh." "You're kidding?" Ann asked looking a James in horror. "Not at all. From there it was the fake vomit. She'd put it on my chest and proudly push me around the malls in the stroller. Little old ladies would come up to tell me what I sweet child I was and then they'd get this funny look on their faces like they didn't know what to say," James said repeating one of the stories that his mother used to tell him. "I'm sure," Ann said. "Mom told me that I said my first word at the mall one day," James said. 'What?" "Gotcha," James said. He looked up at the ceiling and said, "That is still my favorite word. It is right up there with Ann." "Your first word was gotcha?" Ann asked. "Mom is so much fun," James said missing her. He smiled and said, "I can't wait for our child to be born." "You're going to do that with our child?" Ann asked. She could just imagine James pushing her baby around in a baby carriage showing off the child complete with fake vomit on its chest. James smiled and said, "Of course. I've been sitting here trying to remember all of the things that Mom said she used to do when I was a little baby." "Uh, maybe I better talk to your Uncle Arthur," Ann said thinking that a sane voice from his side of the family might prevent a catastrophe. "Uncle Arthur doesn't have a sense of humor. I fear that Grandfather didn't spend enough time with him when he was a child. I'm not going to make that mistake with any of my kids," James said. Ann said, "You're going to be gone a lot fighting this war." "I know, but I'm working on how to get around that," James said. He looked over at Starman and said, "I'm going to make some how-to films while I'm away and send them to you. I'll use Starman in the videos instead of a child." "What?" Starman asked looking over at James. James smiled and said, "He'll look so cute in his cape." "No," Starman said. "Oh yes," James said. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a small cape. Holding it up, he said, "You'll look so cute in this." Stardust asked, "Ann, is James' condition hereditary?" "I'm not sure," Ann answered staring at the little baby cape. James said, "Come over here, Starman. Let's see how you look in your cape." Desperate, Starman said, "You've got to do something." Ann looked at James and started to remove her dress. Smiling at him, she said, "Oh James." "What?" James said watching her undress. She walked over to him holding the top of her dress up. Leaning over to him, she let the top fall. She said, "Before you throw me on the desk and do all kinds of kinky things to this body of mine, I want you to make a little itty bitty promise." "Uh," James said. He enjoyed it when Ann came onto him like that. Starman and Stardust ran to the door knowing what was going to follow. Much to their horror, the door was closed. The pair of Quatyl looked at each other knowing that it was too late. Starman looked over at Ann as James said, "I promise." ------- Chapter 23 Eight species, each with its own style of warfare, could be thrown into the war against the Chitiniodians in a manner that optimized the psychological comfort of each. The Dactites with their hit and run mentality would give them quick hitting raiders. The aggressive Margot would give them a slowly advancing force. The territorial mindset of Omagrons would give them a defensive capability. It was not quite clear what the Dromat were doing besides building mines, but they didn't normally fight. The Andicors were happy being the bait in the traps being set for the aliens. The Engels were busy mass producing the weapons of war. The Gnord were trying to figure out where they fit into the entire effort. The Quatyl were still searching for additional space faring races. The Humans were the odd ones in the entire mix. The Dromat described the Human involvement in very simple terms — the Humans were pretty good liars. There was nothing straightforward or logical about how the Humans approached the war. As Captain Beac described it, "It is hard for an enemy to figure out what you are doing when your allies are confused." The entire brain trust was in the control room of a Quatyl Scout ship. The sensors showed that the ship was basically in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a lot of nothing. Chip said, "Let there be ships!" Suddenly the sensors started registering the presence of two dozen ships. They were completely surrounded. James said, "You did it." "Of course, I'm the Great Ploppertui," Chip said with pride in his work. "That's pretty good," the Engel said. Amazed by the demonstration, the Dromat said, "He not only deceives the eyes, he can deceive sensors too." "Smoke and mirrors," Chip said. "I didn't see any smoke," Cousin Itt said puzzled by the statement. "It is an expression," James said. "It is a confusing expression," Cousin Itt said. There were a lot of confusing things about these Humans. It seemed to him that the humans delighted in being confusing. Although he had seen the sensors showing nothing, Captain Beac had not been fooled for a second. He said, "I knew the ships were there. I could sense the servant races on board." "Oh," Chip said with a frown. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "I'm not sure that I can solve that problem." "Is it a problem?" James asked looking around the table. "I don't know," Chunky answered. Captain Beac said, "We can sense, but can't control the Chitiniodians. I don't think they can sense other races." ------- The Dromat entered James' office carrying a mass of metal. Looking up at James, he asked, "Are you busy?" "A little. I'm planning a dinner party for Admiral Murphy," James said although it would be difficult to say how what he was doing was in any way related to planning a dinner party. There were two ice buckets, a pitcher of water, and a water glass on the table. Holding out the metal construction for James to inspect, Cousin Itt said, "Look at what we discovered." It took James a couple of seconds to recognize the device. Shrugging his shoulders, he said, "It is a collapsible geodesic sphere." "No. It is the most perfect arrangement of levers that I have ever encountered. It is even better than the umbrella," Cousin Itt said with obvious awe in his voice. He opened the sphere and then closed it down again. He shook in excitement. "I'm glad you like it," James said raising an eyebrow. He had seen the same level of excitement when the Dromat had discovered the umbrella. If the umbrella was a great weapon, then this had to be an even better one. Cousin Itt said, "It is a perfect weapon to use upon the enemy." "How would we use it?" James asked getting interested in the conversation. Now that the talk had turned to something useful, he was ready to give him his full attention. "It could be used to lie to the eyes like the lies that the Great Ploppertui creates. We fire it at them when it is big and then it gets smaller the closer it gets to them," Cousin Itt said while opening and closing the sphere. It was magical. "Then what?" James asked somewhat puzzled. "I don't know," Cousin Itt said. He looked at the construction and said, "Levers. It has levers connected to levers in a most amazing manner." "I know," James said. "It is a perfect arrangement of levers. It must do something that can help us defeat the enemy," Cousin Itt said feeling a little frustrated. James said, "I'll think about it." "Please do," Cousin Itt said. James chuckled when a strange little idea came to mind. Looking over at Cousin Itt, he said, "You know, it would be funny if we had a ship that could change shape and move so that when it was fired upon it could dance around the missile. I bet that would drive them crazy." Bowing to James, Cousin Itt said, "A most unique idea. I shall talk to the Dromat engineers and see what they think." "Okay," James said with a shrug of his shoulders. "This will be a most interesting project," Cousin Itt said as turned and left. Starman looked over at James and commented, "A dancing space ship." "Why not?" James asked. "What kind of mind could come up with the idea of a dancing spaceship?" Starman asked. "The mind of a genius," James answered. The slathern made a sound like it was choking. James said, "And now for another little demonstration of my brilliance." James went back to work on his little project. He put an ice cube from one of the ice buckets in his glass and then stacked a number of other ice cubes from the other ice bucket atop it. He filled the glass with water and then sat back to watch. He started the count down, "Five four three two one zero minus one minus two minus three." At minus three the ice cube at the bottom of the glass exploded. It pushed the ice cubes above it upwards along with the water in the glass. The result reminded James of a geyser going off. He grinned at the result. This was going to be a dinner that went down in history. He smiled and said, "And she only used a dribble glass on me!" "She will get angry with you James," Starman said. "Good. Then she'll fire me and I'll be free to raise Baby James or Baby Jamesina to have a good sense of humor," James replied. "You are too valuable to fire. With you in charge, we now have a huge fleet and only two ships have even engaged the enemy," Starman said. "Do you think I should use more frozen CO2 in the ice cubes? The explosion will be even more incredible," James said. "You'll break the glass," Starman said. James frowned as he thought about it and said, "That would definitely ruin the joke." ------- "That was interesting," James said after watching the battle unfold on the display. Having watched so much destruction, Captain Beac felt physically ill. He said, "Interesting? That was terrifying." "It was only a hundred and seventy-five ships," James replied. He had expected closer to two hundred ships this time. Cousin Itt said, "They will send more ships next time." "Yes. I would expect about a thousand ships. On second thought, it will probably be more like seven hundred and fifty ships. They should be here in..." James said waving his hands. He finally concluded, "Eight years." Chunky closed his eyes while he thought through the arrivals of the next wave of the enemy. Using data taken from a computer that had been recovered in the last engagement, he had a pretty good idea of where the ships were located. He projected how long it would take that many ships to meet and then make their way here. He said, "You are right. We can expect them to show up in eight years. How did you know that?" "It was a guess," James answered. "How did you come up with that number?" Chunky asked staring at James. "I don't know," James answered shrugging his shoulders. Chunky was silent for a minute as he considered the answer. In was incomprehensible that James should come to the same answer as him without knowing how he did it. He asked, "You can't tell me how you came up with that number?" "That's right," James answered ready to drop the topic of conversation. "You can't do that," Chunky said staring at James. It shouldn't be possible to pick a number out of thin air like that without something to justify the answer. "Why not?" James asked surprised by the statement. Confused that James should even ask the question, Chunky said, "You can't come up with numbers like that without knowing how you came up with numbers like that." "I do that all of the time," James said with a smile. Chunky looked at the smile trying to figure out if it was a happy expression or an angry expression. After a minute he decided that it didn't matter what the smile meant. He looked over at the Quatyl and said, "I thought the Humans were slow thinkers." "They are," Starman replied. "They just attack problems very differently than everyone else." "I don't understand," Chunky said. He could visualize six dimensions and solve complex equations in his head, but he couldn't just guess a number like that. He could make estimates, but he knew how he arrived at the estimate. Adopting the human habit of shrugging his shoulders, Cousin Itt said, "His thinking is unique." "How are we doing with the fleet?" James asked. "We have ten thousand of your starships, a hundred thousand earth fighters, fifty thousand Dactite fighters, ten thousand Omagron battle cruisers, and a half a million mines," Whip said. "Do we have enough Omagron to staff that many Omagron battle cruisers?" James asked more than a little surprised by the quantities that were being rattled off. From what he understood there were only ten thousand Omagron left. Whip looked embarrassed for a moment. That particular question had never occurred to him. After a long moment of silence, he answered, "I don't know." Giving the tight lipped expression that constituted a smile among Omagron, Chunky said, "We have created a honeymoon hideaway on our home planet for Earthers. As a result, our population is growing significantly. I believe that in thirty years we'll be able to fill all of those ships." "Really?" James asked. He realized that when a couple could end up with thirty or more children with each coupling that the population could grow pretty fast. "We're doing the same thing," Cousin Itt said. They were having a minor baby boom of their own. "Oh," James said. "Earthers seem to copulate a lot," Chunky said looking at James. "They do," Cousin Itt said looking at James. "You can say that again," Starman said. "They copulate more than any other species," Whip said bobbing his head. "Uh, shouldn't we be talking about the war?" James asked wanting to get back to the topic of conversation which in his opinion was fighting the Chitiniodians. "They even complain when the frequency of coupling gets to below once a week," Starman said. "Amazing," Cousin Itt said. "How do they manage it?" Whip asked. Starman said, "I don't know, but they do it everywhere." "Really?" Fixit, the Dactite, asked. He wondered about the mating habits of Humans. James looked across the table at Starman and said, "Come on. There's no need to talk about that." "Stardust is wrapped around an egg right now because they couldn't control themselves the other night in his study," Starman said. He wasn't going to mention that Ann had gotten James to promise that he wouldn't decorate the baby with any fake vomit. She might have trusted him, but Starman knew James better than that. ------- The egg laid by Stardust hatched and, in due time, a little Quatyl emerged from the lead lined sleeping area under the bed. It was only by a little luck that Ann was in the bedroom in time to see the baby emerge. She knelt down and said, "Oh, you are so cute." "Thank you, pet of my mother," the little Quatyl answered using the Slathern. It always amazed Ann how Quatyl were born knowing just about everything that their parents knew. Actually, it was amazing how much the Quatyl knew about a lot of things. Stardust had informed her that she was expecting a male Quatyl within a few hours of the egg being laid. She asked, "Have you picked out a name yet?" "I was thinking that I would like to be called Starchild." "Oh, that's a good name," Ann said. Starchild moved around the room for a little bit and then said, "I'm going to adopt a pet." "You are?" Ann asked wanting to pick up Starchild. The little baby Quatyl was so cute that it was hard to resist picking it up. She knew that young Quatyl didn't really like to be handled much until they were adopted. "Yes," Starchild answered. "Do you know who?" Ann asked wondering how she was going to get the little Quatyl to a place where someone would adopt it. "Yes," Starchild answered looking up at Ann. Wondering if Starchild was thinking of adopting her, she asked, "Who?" "Ensign Powell," Starchild answered. He had come to the conclusion that poor Ensign Powell would make a great pet. The young man truly needed his help in dealing with James. "That's an interesting choice," Ann said. She had wondered why Ensign Powell didn't already have a Quatyl since most people who headed for the stars had Quatyl as pets. "I would like to meet him soon," Starchild said. It would be a while before he was ready to adopt a pet, but he wanted to get to know his future pet as soon as possible. "Okay," Ann said. Starchild sighed and said, "He is going to be so difficult to train." Unable to control herself, Ann laughed at the comment. She didn't think Ensign Powell would be difficult to train at all. Some young woman could have him fetching and carrying for her in ten minutes. She asked, "Ernie Powell has got to be the easiest person in the world to handle. Why do you say that he'll be difficult?" "He doesn't respond well to certain kinds of situations," Starchild answered. "Like what?" "Only a Quatyl will be able to train him on how to deal with Starman's pet," Starchild answered. Wondering if the Quatyl were finally developing a sense of humor, she asked, "What makes you think that a Quatyl can deal with James?" "Starman does all right with him," Starchild answered. Ann laughed at the mental image of Starchild trying to coach Ensign Powell on how to deal with James. There was an assumption that James was somewhat predictable. Looking down at the little Quatyl, she said, "This ought to be fun to watch." ------- Lord Three Bellows (3b) read the report from Admiral 2c1b2t with a little concern. So far the most experienced Admiral of his entire battle force had lost seven percent of his fleet without a single promotion resulting from the engagements. In fact, there weren't even any verified kills. This was an unheard of situation. He turned to his chamberlain and said, "There is something odd happening on the edge of my territory." "Odd," his chamberlain repeated knowing that Lord 3b did not like odd. "Yes, very odd," Lord 3b said looking back down at the report. Frowning, he said, "Admiral 2c1b2t has lost eleven hunter fleets without recording a single kill." "That is most unusual," the chamberlain said. "Yes, it is. I wonder what the problem is. His captains are all very experienced," Lord 3b said. He read the part about one ship taking out an entire hunter fleet. The ship was spherical. "I doubt the problem is one of a lack of experience," the chamberlain said. "True. There is something about this situation that I don't like," Lord 3b said. He read the report trying to identify what really happened. It didn't seem possible that there was a ship that could turn missiles around and send them back to where they had been fired. He decided that he wanted to watch the recording of that particular battle. There was a noise from the communications station. The chamberlain walked over and glanced at the report. Concerned, he said, "There is another message from Admiral 2c1b2t." "What does it say?" Lord 3b asked. The chamberlain answered, "He says that he has just lost another twenty-five hunter fleets." "How many confirmed kills did he get?" Lord 3b asked. Losing that many ships should translate into at least two thousand kills. "None," the chamberlain answered after reading the report twice more just to make sure that he hadn't missed something important. "None?" Lord 3b asked shocked by the answer. Even the Boggums had never managed a victory of that magnitude. They had never even managed to fight to a tie. "That is what the report says," the chamberlain answered. "Let me see that report," Lord 3b demanded holding out a claw to grab the report. While the report was printing, the chamberlain said, "It will take a ten bellows before it finishes printing, Lord." "Did it say what he was going to do about this?" Lord 3b asked thinking that if he were Admiral 2c1b2t, he would be sending the rest of his hunter fleets there to take care of the problem. Nothing could stand up to over a hundred hunter fleets. "He is sending his entire navy there. He'll have almost eight hundred ships there in six cycles," the chamberlain answered. "He is sending his planet busters?" Lord 3b asked rather surprised that Admiral 2c1b2t thought that was necessary. On second thought, having lost so many ships to an unknown alien suggested that it was better to overwhelm them with force. "So it appears," the chamberlain answered. He handed the report over to Lord 3b. Lord 3b read the report taking in every word. It was exceptionally brief considering that it documented an engagement that involved so many ships. He said, "This is most unusual." "Yes, Lord," the chamberlain said. "How do you think this affects my chances of getting promoted to Overlord?" Lord 3b asked. All he needed was to have one of his Admirals get promoted to Lord for him to become an Overlord. He had nine Admirals in his navy. The chamberlain answered, "I'm sure that your forces will destroy the aliens without having to call in another Lord to help. You'll be an Overlord soon." "I think so too," Lord 3b said. ------- Chapter 24 "Admiral, a package came for you," Ensign Powell said setting a box down in front of James. There was nothing to indicate that it was official business. Perking up, James asked, "A package? For me?" "Yes, sir," Ensign Powell said with a sigh. He hated it when the admiral went on and on about something as simple as getting a package. "I just love packages, don't you?" "Yes, sir," Ensign Powell answered. His mother sent him a box of homemade cookies every week. It made him a very popular fellow with the other ensigns. "It is about time that it arrived," James said rubbing his hands together excitedly. "Do you know what it is?" Ensign Powell asked. The box was unmarked other than a simple label that identified that it was for James. "Of course, I ordered it," James said. He had been afraid that it would arrive too late. His eyes flashed as he said, "It is for Ann." "Do you want me to give it to your wife?" Ensign Powell asked. "No! That would ruin the surprise," James said. He couldn't wait to spring this little one on her. She'd love it. "This is a present for your wife?" Ensign Powell asked thinking it was considerate of James to think of his wife like that. She was due to give birth any day now. "This is a surprise for her," James said with a big grin. "I don't think she likes surprises, sir," Ensign Powell said getting a bad feeling about this. "She'll love this one," James said. He could just imagine the expression on her face when she saw it. Ensign Powell looked at the box trying to imagine what was inside it. He decided that he didn't really want to know. He said, "If you'll excuse me, I have some important paperwork to do." "Okay," James said. Ensign Powell returned to his desk outside of James' office. He looked over at Starchild and asked, "Did you hear?" "Yes," Starchild answered curious as to what was in the package. He wondered if his father knew what was in it. "What should I do?" "Tell his wife. She won't appreciate a surprise," Starchild answered. "Maybe it is something nice," Ensign Powell said. Looking up at his pet, Starchild said, "We are talking about Admiral Kamp." "That's true," Ensign Powell said realizing that a surprise from Admiral Kamp was more like a nightmare come true than something pleasant. "Call her," the Quatyl said. Ensign Powell picked up the telephone and called Ann. When she answered, he said, "This is Ensign Powell." "Hello, Ernie," Ann said, "James isn't here." Ensign Powell shifted in his chair uncomfortably and looked over at the door to James' office. He said, "I know. He's in his office at the moment." "Oh, why are you calling?" Ann asked brightly. "I wanted to let you know that James received a package," Ensign Powell answered wondering how to break the news to her. "A package?" Ann said. The arrival of any package addressed to James was cause to worry. Ann asked, "What kind of package?" "He said it was a surprise for you," Ensign Powell said. There was a long pause on the other end of the line. Wondering if they had been disconnected somehow, he asked, "Are you still there?" "Oh, I'm here," Ann said. She would have been on her way to his office except she was having a difficult time getting out of the chair. She growled and said, "I'll be there as soon as I can get out of this chair." "Don't let him know that I warned you," Ensign Powell said. There was a possibility that he was ruining a surprise that Ann would enjoy, but he felt it was a very slim chance. He had worked with Admiral Kamp for too long. "Hide it," Ann said realizing that she needed to go potty before heading to James' office. She really couldn't wait for her pregnancy to come to an end. "Yes, ma'am," Ensign Powell said. An hour later, James returned to his office from a meeting accompanied by Ensign Powell. He looked at his desk and asked, "Hey, where's that package that was on my desk?" "I don't know," Ensign Powell answered truthfully. He didn't know since it had disappeared while they were out of the office. He assumed that Ann had picked it up, but he had no idea where she had taken it. "I need you to help me find it," James said looking all over his office. "Yes, sir," Ensign Powell said with a frown. There weren't many places that it could be hidden in the office. "She's going to give birth any time now," James said getting a little frantic in his search. "You can always give it to her later," Ensign Powell said. Shaking his head, James said, "That won't do at all." "Yes, sir," Ensign Powell said. "We've got to find it now," James said. He stuck his head out of the office and looked over Ensign Powell's desk. "What is in the package?" "It's a surprise," James said. Convinced that it had been stolen, he said, "I want security to search the entire ship until it is found." "Yes, sir," Ensign Powell said thinking that he was really going to get into trouble over this. He didn't think it would be all that easy to convince James that he had his best interests at heart. He looked over at the Quatyl wondering what kind of trouble his pet had gotten him into. ------- James looked out the porthole at the fleet of ships floating above the orbital plane of the sun. There were a lot of ships just floating out there. He asked, "Is that all of it?" "No sir. We have a similar fleet parked at the Dromat home world, one at the Margot home world, and one at the Andicor home world," Whip answered. "How many people have we got trained?" James asked thinking it was hard to wrap his head around the sheer number of space ships just floating there. "We're training eight million people for service on these ships," Ken answered with a smile. "How many do we need?" James asked. "Eight million," Ken answered. "Wow," James said. He knew that there were close to a hundred thousand ships in the Earth fleet. Those little Engel were productive little critters once they got directions. Looking at one of the battle ships, James said, "I like how they are wedge shaped. It kind of reminds me of a wedge of cheese." "Your Uncle designed it," Ken said. Arthur had learned a lot about designing space ships from working with the other races. The ships had quarters for the crew that were extremely luxurious. Advanced light-weight sound-proofed materials lightened the ship so that weight was a much less significant design constraint. There were only a few heavy metal structures and they were there only because they provided the overall support for the ship. "Why wedge shaped?" James asked. "He said it gave the ship more room to carry fighters. They can carry fifty fighters. The big back side is open for fighters to ingress and egress. The way it is protected, the shields to the landing bays can be down even when the ship is being attacked from the front," Ken answered. He pointed to a feature of the leading edges and said, "One thousand lasers are arranged across the four sides for stopping the missiles." "That could be useful," James said nodding his head. Ken pointed to one of the ships and said, "That boxy looking one over there has our nukes. We'll pull up for a broadside and start to spin the ship. We can fire fifty nukes from each face and reload during the rest of the spin." "How many nukes does it carry?" James asked. "A thousand," Ken answered. "Wow," James replied. Ken pointed above the space fleet and said, "You can't see it from here, but we've got a hundred thousand umbrellas floating over there. They are each outfitted so that they hold fifteen missiles." "I'm impressed," James said. "We expect some of their planet killers to show up. We've got the 50MM cannon prepared for them. Each cannon can fire five shots. We've got enough cannons that we can cover an entire battlefield," Ken said. "You don't think this is overkill," James asked. "Not really," Ken answered. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "You should see the fleet that the Dactites have put together." "Really?" James asked. "It is very impressive," Ken said. He had read the reports on what had been parked there. James smiled and said, "I'm going to be visiting them soon." "What?" Ken asked with a frown. This was the first that he had heard about this. James smiled and said, "It was decided that I'd take a little galactic tour and visit the home worlds of all of our allies." "You are visiting the home worlds of our allies?" Ken asked. Nodding his head, James answered, "Yes. Can you imagine that I was asked not to do anything too weird?" "I can," Ken said thinking that poor Ensign Powell was going to have a stroke. "It is a real puzzle to me what they mean by weird. Anyway, I'll be visiting the Dactites, the Omagrons, and the Dromats before the next engagement with the Chitiniodians. Can you imagine that it is going to take almost three and a half years to visit those three planets?" "Whose idea was this?" Ken asked. "Fleet Admiral Murphy came up with it," James said. "When did this idea come to her?" Ken asked. "Right after the dinner party we had with her. She really enjoyed the practical joke with the exploding ice cube. We laughed about it the whole evening," James said. It was so nice to find someone who really appreciated a good joke. "President Dim Sum of the United Nations didn't find it funny," Ken said recalling the disastrous evening. "How was I supposed to know that he'd take her chair at the dinner table?" James asked. He looked out the porthole and pointed to one of the ships. He said, "I'll take that battle ship for my tour." "Is that why we're out here?" Ken asked. "Yes," James said. "You know that as the first captain you'll get to name it," Ken said. "Really?" James asked. "That's right. Selecting a name for a ship is serious business," Ken answered. James looked at the ship for a minute and then said, "I think I'll call the ship, Cheddar." "No," Ken said with a groan. He said, "You know they'll call you the Big Cheese on the Flagship Cheddar." "That's a bad thing?" James asked with a smile. "Yes," Ken said. James said, "Okay, I'll go with something a little more subtle. We'll call it the Brie." "How about the 'Defender'?" "Boring," James said giving a theatrical yawn. "How about the 'Intrepid'?" "That's even more boring," James said. He suggested, "How about Cheesecake? It looks like a slice of cheesecake." "No," Ken said. "Apple pie?" James asked. "No!" Ken said. After twenty minutes of discussion, Ken was ready to pull out his hair. James had managed to cover just about everything that was wedge shaped as potential names. Finally, James said, "I'll call it the Deceiver." Shocked at hearing something that wasn't a cheese or a dessert, Ken said, "That's an excellent name." "I know. I filled out the paperwork with that name two weeks ago," James said. Ken banged his head against the wall three times. ------- James was in a meeting when one of the security guards entered the room and announced that Ann was about to deliver. Looking over at the security guard, James asked, "Did you find my package?" "No, sir," the man answered barely able to keep the irritation out of his voice. They had been getting calls almost non-stop about that package. The only place they hadn't searched was the Admiral's quarters. "Drat," James said rising from his chair. It was hard to believe how weak his knees felt. "You're wife is in the medical office," the man said. Getting excited at the prospect of holding his son or daughter in his hands, James asked, "How do I get there?" "Don't you know where it is?" the security guard asked. "I don't remember. Where is it?" James asked flustered. Never having seen Admiral Kamp acting nervous, Ensign Powell said, "I'll take you there sir." James grabbed Ensign Powell by the shoulders and shook him. Almost shouting, he said, "My wife is giving birth to a baby." "Yes, Admiral," Ensign Powell said. James wandered down the hall and said, "This is the beginning of a new chapter in history. James and his little son, Junior, shall walk through this space ship planting little tricks amongst unsuspecting people. They shall laugh and all will be good in the galaxy." "I suspect the reaction will be a little different than that," Ensign Powell said. "You think?" James asked. "Yes, they will look at you and think that an Admiral of the Defense Fleet should act with more decorum," Ensign Powell said. When James and Ensign Powell reached the medical office, they were met by a nurse with a very worried expression on his face. The young man was not happy about what he had been ordered to do. Looking at the Admiral, the young man said, "The doctor says that you are to wait out here." "Why?" James asked. "I don't know, sir," the nurse answered. "Is there a problem?" James asked getting worried for Ann. "I'm just following orders, sir. The doctor told me to tell you that you are to wait out here. It is not my place to ask questions," the nurse answered. James said, "Well, you had better get your butt in there and ask the doctor some questions." Ensign Powell said, "Sir, he's just trying to follow orders. You wouldn't want to interrupt the doctor if he's working on delivering your baby, would you?" "I'm just worried about Ann," James replied. The door opened and a woman stuck her head out. She looked over at James with a frown. It was obvious by her body language that something was going on that she didn't like. In a pensive voice, she said, "Admiral, your wife and son are ready to see you now." James made his way into the medical office and looked at Ann holding the baby in her arms. She was looking up at him with very controlled expression on her face. He looked over at the baby and a huge grin spread across his face. In a very nonchalant tone of voice, he asked, "Did you count the fingers and toes?" "Yes. He's got ten of each. They are even in the proper places," Ann answered. "Good," James said with a smile. Ensign Powell stared at the baby unable to believe what his eyes were telling him. It was hard to believe that the admiral was asking about toes and fingers when his baby was clearly deformed. Shaking his head, he said, "It has two heads." "Yes, he does," James said with a smile. Looking over at his ensign, he added, "That just makes him twice as smart." "It has two heads," Ensign Powell said pointing at the infant. There was one regular looking head right where it was supposed to be. There was a second head perched atop the baby's right shoulder. "I know," James replied looking over at the ensign. The poor young man was swaying to and fro. It really looked like he was ready to faint. The nurse moved from behind James to stand behind the ensign. "Two heads," Ensign Powell said feeling like his head was filled with cotton. "It's a pretty good thing too. You never know when you're going to lose your head. At least this way baby James has a spare one to use until he finds his first one," James said in a very serious tone of voice. Ensign Powell turned to look at James in disbelief. He couldn't believe that James was taking the news that his son had two heads so calmly. He looked over at Ann and saw that she was holding the baby proudly. Unable to believe their reaction, he asked, "Are you both on drugs?" Ann asked, "What's the matter? Don't you like two-headed babies?" "I don't know," Ensign Powell answered wishing he knew what to say. James walked over to the baby and looked it over for a second. He reached down and lifted the head off the infant's shoulder. He looked at Ensign Powell and asked, "Is that better?" Seeing James pull the head off the baby, Ensign Powell's eyes rolled back in his head and he dropped to the floor. Fortunately the nurse was ready for it and caught him. Even as the nurse struggled to lay Ensign Powell down on the floor, Ann said, "You could have warned him." "You're right. I keep forgetting that he's an excitable little fellow," James said looking over at the ensign. The nurse was on the floor trying to revive him. Concerned, he asked, "Is he okay?" "He'll be fine," the nurse answered. He had expected the admiral to be the one he'd be helping to get off the floor. Most fathers would have collapsed on being presented with a two-headed baby. "Good," Ann said. "So you had my package all along," James said admiring the little head. It was very life- like. "Yes," Ann replied. It had taken her almost three days to figure out why James had purchased a little head. When she had realized that he was going to present her with a two headed baby, she had been very tempted to kill him. She had decided that two could play that game. He asked, "Did you know that if you had switched the little switch inside that it would start talking at random times?" "No," Ann answered. She looked down at the ensign and decided it was a good thing that she hadn't known. James fiddled with the head for a second. Suddenly, the head said, "I am the Son of Satan!" From the floor, Ensign Powell had recovered enough to say, "You can say that again." James leaned over and said, "That was your very first joke, Junior, and it was a very good one. I'm so proud of you." ------- In the playroom, a dozen Quatyl were gathered together discussing the events surrounding the birth of baby James. Looking over at Starchild, Sigfried said, 'Calm down.' 'Calm down?' Starchild said indigent. He said, 'Their pets nearly injured my pet.' Starman said, 'I thought you were going to train your pet to deal with my pet better.' 'I've only been training my pet for four months. I'm not a miracle worker, ' Starchild said. He was starting to become convinced that there was no way to train a pet on how to deal with James. He didn't want to say it, but he was convinced that Starman's pet was insane. Confused by the details of the story, Captain Beac said, 'I still don't understand what happened.' 'Their pets put a fake head on their baby, ' Starchild said. 'Why would they do that?' Captain Beac asked. 'To kill my pet, ' Starchild answered. Fire said, 'They weren't trying to kill your pet. James was trying to play a joke on Ann. She found out about it and tried to play a joke on him, but he didn't fall for it.' 'How could the joke be on him? Didn't he buy the little head?' Captain Beac asked still confused. 'Yes, ' Ice answered knowing that his reply wouldn't help Captain Beac understand what happened. 'I don't understand this joking thing, ' Captain Beac said. It seemed to him that just about the time he had figured out the humans that they surprised him again. He wondered what kind of parent would attach a fake head on their baby. Fire said, 'A joke involves taking a normal situation and turning it into something unexpected.' 'Is having a two-headed baby unexpected?' Captain Beac asked. He didn't know enough about human reproduction to know what was normal. 'It is very unexpected. So was the casual discussion between Ann and James that followed, ' Starman said. He hadn't known that James was going to play that joke on Ann. Stardust had not known anything about the fake head. Even if she had, she wouldn't have predicted that Ann was going to use it. Even after this much time, pets could still be surprising. She said, 'My pet surprised me with this.' Siegfried said, 'I thought your pet was the normal one.' 'How normal can she be if she lives with James?' Starchild asked. Bear said, 'True.' Captain Beac said, 'The servant races don't know what to make of their actions.' 'Is this making the Quatyl Space Exploration Agency change their minds about having James in charge of the defense?' Starman asked. 'No. They are glad that he's on our side, ' Captain Beac said. Starchild was very familiar with the information acquired about the Chitiniodians. He had to admit that the war was going much better for the humans than it had gone for the Boggums. Considering the expected size of the enemy force that was headed their way, he hoped that their success continued. It was obvious that James' plans were a key element to their past successes. He said, 'That is good.' Hating what she was about to say, Bear said, 'The humans are crazy, but I would rather have them leading this fight than us. We don't know anything about war.' All of the Quatyl in the room bobbed their heads in agreement. Captain Beac said, 'We have sent out many more ships looking for another race that can help us.' 'Are humans aboard them?' Starchild asked. 'Yes, ' Captain Beac answered. 'I guess we can expect them to return with lots of babies, ' Starchild said. 'You can say that again, ' Captain Beac said. It seemed to him that humans were everywhere and that everywhere the humans went there was a population boom. Even he and Bear had mated because they had come upon a pair of humans mating aboard his ship. ------- Chapter 25 Ensign Powell saw Admiral Kamp headed his way pushing a baby buggy. He looked around trying to figure out some way to leave without looking like he was avoiding his boss. When James waved to him, he knew that it was too late. There was going to be no way to avoid him. "Hello, Ensign Powell," James said. "Hello, sir," Ensign Powell said afraid to look inside the baby buggy. There was no way to tell what he would see. He said, "I see that you are taking Junior for a walk." "That's right. He's been such a good little boy. I haven't heard a sound out of him ever since I left my quarters," James said. Ensign Powell looked in the baby buggy and frowned. He said, "It is empty." "Oh?" James said looking inside. He smiled and said, "You're right. I thought he was a little quiet today." "Where is he?" Ensign Powell asked. "You know, I don't have a clue. Maybe he crawled out when we were in the Quatyl Playroom. I dropped Starman over there," James said scratching his chin thoughtfully. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "Oh well, he'll show up eventually." "Aren't you worried?" Ensign Powell asked before it dawned on him that James had to be joking. Even James wasn't that bad of a father. "Not really. His superhero powers are starting to manifest," James said. Ensign Powell snorted and said, "Superhero powers?" "He's still a little young yet. All he has are the basic Superhero powers — invisibility, x-ray vision, super speed, super cry, and super-stink diapers," James said in a very matter of fact manner. "I'd believe the super-stink diapers part," Ensign Powell said. He had been in the same room when James had changed Junior's diaper. The odor had been brain numbing. It was hard to believe that such a small baby could create such a strong smell. There was a sudden little bit of crying from inside the buggy. James went over and lifted Junior out of the buggy. Holding the little baby, he said, "There you are. Poor Ensign Powell was beginning to get worried." "How?" Ensign Powell asked staring at the baby. Grinning, James asked, "Didn't I just tell you that he has basic Superhero powers including the ability to turn invisible?" Ensign Powell had looked inside the baby buggy and seen that Junior wasn't in it. Then he realized that the Great Ploppertui had something to do with it. He shuddered and said, "You've been around that magician too much." "Would you define too much," James said. He rocked Junior a little in his arms and the baby calmed down. James whispered to him, "Don't let the mean man get you down. He doesn't have a sense of humor." "You're going to twist that innocent little child into being just like you," Ensign Powell said. He wondered how much longer he was going to be working for James. He had visions of growing old and dying of a heart attack when something jumped out at him when he opened his desk drawer. "Yes," James said. "There are laws against that sort of thing," Ensign Powell said. Surprised, James asked, "Really?" "If there aren't, there should be," Ensign Powell said. James looked down at the little infant in his hands and said, "I wish that your mother hadn't made me make all of those promises. I'm sure that a good vomit stroll right about now would be very entertaining." "That's so... ," Ensign Powell started to say, but he failed to find an acceptable description to finish the sentence. "Fun?" James asked. "Sick," Ensign Powell answered. ------- The ship was in orbit around the Dactite home planet. It had been decided that since the next major battle with the Chitiniodians wouldn't be for a couple of years that it would be a great gesture for James to visit the home worlds of the various servant races. The basic idea was that James would stop and give a nice little speech thanking each planet for their contributions to the war effort. Of course, James had a completely different take on the matter. Holding Junior in his arms, James looked out the portal at the planet below. Whereas Earth was a beautiful blue marble floating in space, this planet was more of a jade sphere. The majority of the planet was covered by a thick lush jungle. There were veins of pale blue that marked the courses of monster sized rivers. As interesting as the view was, James was excited by the fact that he'd be one of the first humans to step on the planet. He pointed to the planet and said, "Just think Junior, we get to be the first people to pull a practical joke here." Junior's reaction was to gurgle and stick a thumb in his mouth. Ann said, "I don't think the idea is for you to engage in practical jokes across the known galaxy." "Why else would they send me?" James asked with a grin. "Sir, you are representing the entire Human Race," Ensign Powell said making a final attempt to convince James not to do something so weird that they'd lose an ally. Starman said, "That is true." "Well, we don't want the Dactites to think that we don't know how to have fun," James said. "Humans know how to have fun. What you call fun is something else entirely," Starman said. James said, "I thought the invisible baby was funny." "That was a good one," Ensign Powell admitted. He slapped a hand over his mouth almost as soon as the words were out of it. The last thing he wanted to do was to encourage James in his jokes. "See," James said with a smile. "Oh God, I've been corrupted," Ensign Powell said. Laughing, James said, "It isn't that bad." "So you say," Ensign Powell said. James looked over at Ensign Powell and saw that he really looked depressed. Deciding that it was time to cheer him up, he said, "Well, I guess now is as good of a time as any." "For what?" Ensign Powell asked suspiciously. "I'm giving you a raise," James said. "There's no such thing," Ensign Powell said. "Pay is based on rank and years in service." "I kind of noticed that, but I'm an admiral and can do pretty much what ever I want," James said. Shaking his head, Ensign Powell said, "The military doesn't work that way." "Oh," James said looking at Ensign Powell with a grin. That was one of the ensign's favorite sayings. He held out a hand and said, "I take it you don't want these." Ensign Powell looked down at James' hand despite the fact that there could have been anything in it. He fully expected to see a plastic spider, or something worse, come flying at him. Eyes going wide, he asked, "You're promoting me to Lieutenant?" "Yes, I am," James said. "Oh," Ensign Powell said surprised by the promotion. "Well, aren't you going to take your new insignia, Lieutenant Powell?" James asked. Lieutenant Powell reached out to take the insignia from James' hand. Of course, James moved his hand out of the way. The next thing Lieutenant Powell knew, he was chasing James' hand around trying to grab the insignia. Finally, he stopped and held out a hand. He said, "Please." "Sure," James said with a smile. He dropped the insignia in Lieutenant Powell's hand. The pair of Lieutenant bars gleamed in the light of space station. Lieutenant Powell looked at the insignia and, feeling a little emotional about the moment, said, "If you'll excuse me, I'll put these on." "You know, I wanted to wait until you were wearing your spacesuit. I always wanted to see what happens when you pin something on a spacesuit. I kind of imagine it would be like popping a balloon," James said. "Very funny, sir," Lt. Powell said. Ann said, "Congratulations, Lieutenant Powell." ------- Although it would be hard to say that the Humans had liberated the Dactites from the Quatyl, life had definitely taken a turn for the better. For some reason, James had been given much of the credit. The supreme leader of the Dactites waited anxiously for the human delegation to exit from the space shuttle. This was a very momentous occasion and he hoped that they made a good impression. He had seen pictures of the humans, but that didn't give too much information other than how they looked. Every Dactite who had met a human had commented that they were huge. They were so large that there wasn't a single building on the entire planet that they would fit inside. The visitors were going to have to sleep in the shuttle craft. He turned to his advisor and asked, "Are they really three times our height?" "Yes," the advisor answered. The supreme leader said, "You are sure that they are not offended that we had no room to offer them." "Yes. They are aware of that fact," the advisor answered. The normal rules of hospitality would have visitors of importance stay in the official guest quarters, but the ceilings were only a little over four feet high. For a two foot tall Dactite, that was a very high ceiling. For a six foot tall human, it would be torturous. The supreme leader was a little nervous about the meeting. He had heard the stories about the odd behavior occasionally exhibited by the leader of the human delegation and had no idea what was going to happen. Still, this was the human credited with changing the relations between Quatyl and Dactite. The supreme leader turned to one of his advisors and asked, "What can I expect from the leader of the human delegation?" "Anything," the advisor replied. Dactite scholars were still studying the private war between Einke Klein and James. It was accepted that he was slightly insane, but not in a bad way. "I was afraid that you were going to say that," the supreme leader said. He was very worried about this visit. The entire planet was watching this first meeting. "The Dactites who work with him like him. They say that his thinking is unique, but that his work is good," the advisor said. The supreme leader looked over at the present that was to be given to the leader of the delegation and shook his head. He asked, "Are you sure this is an appropriate gift?" "Yes, sir," the advisor answered in an uncertain tone of voice. He could understand the supreme leader's apprehension. It was a very strange gift to give a visiting official. He added, "That is what he said he wanted." The door of the shuttle opened and a hush fell over the watching crowd. The supreme leader of the Dactites had his first look at a human being. They were three times the size of a Dactite. The humans were scarier looking than the Engels with their sharp claws. The humans looked like they could pick up a Dactite and throw them a hundred paces. The desire to flee was strong in all of the Dactites present and it was only by their overwhelming numbers that they were able to control that feeling. The only sound that could be heard was that of hundreds of cameras swinging around to broadcast the arrival of James. Little Dactite reporters spoke into their microphones to explain the events as they unfolded to the watching audience. This was a truly historic moment. Looking around at all of the sights around him, James approached the supreme leader. Lieutenant Powell followed behind James maintaining a military stride. Long ago he had learned that it was impossible to walk in step with the admiral. This time was even worse than usual. James kept pausing in mid-stride to look at something interesting. He looked more like a tourist than an official visitor. Once he reached the supreme leader of the Dactites, James held out a sheet of paper. Using Starman to translate, he said, "Greetings Poobah. I have brought a present for you and all Dactites to share." Taking the sheet of paper, Poobah asked, "What is it?" "Those are the designs for a wonderful device that I'm sure all Dactites will enjoy," James said with a smile. The smile was not exactly the most reassuring thing that Poobah had ever seen. He looked down at the plans and didn't understand them at all. He was not an engineer and the sharp crisp lines on the paper meant absolutely nothing to him. Trying to put a gracious face to the visitors, he said, "Thank you for such a unique gift." James turned to Lieutenant Powell and took a small box from him. He held it out to the supreme leader and said, "Here is an example of the device." The supreme leader took the cardboard box and opened it. He looked at the things inside the box with a puzzled expression on his face and said, "Thank you." James could see that the Dactite was puzzled. He said, "They are racing stilts." Lieutenant Powell had not known what was inside the box. He slapped his forehead at the idea of giving the Dactites racing stilts. He could just imagine thousands of Dactites running around on them. He had a feeling that the insurance rates were about to go through the roof. He groaned and said, "I can't believe he gave them racing stilts." Curious, Poobah asked, "How do they work?" James explained the use of the racing stilts. Of course, an explanation was not really sufficient and a demonstration followed. The youngest of the advisors was chosen as the best candidate and he reluctantly strapped the stilts to his leg. With a little help from James, he rose a full half foot taller. The advisor took a few tentative steps and found that it was pretty easy. He jumped up and down amazed at the height he was able to get. Feeling comfortable with them, he took a few more steps. He raced to the ship and back. About halfway back from the ship, he jumped and did a summersault. His landing was a little awkward, but he recovered without much difficulty. Everyone in attendance snapped their fingers in approval. Excited, the advisor stopped in front of the supreme leader and said, "These are wonderful!" "They look to be most marvelous," Poobah said half tempted to try them himself. He looked over at his present to James and shook his head. There was no way that his present could even compare to that wonderful gift. James said, "I think your Dactites will enjoy them a lot." "You are correct," Poobah said still amazed at the unlikely gift. He took the very ornate little box that held his gift for James. He looked down at the gift with more than a little concern and handed it to James. He said, "Here is our gift to you." James opened the box and looked inside. He grinned and pulled out the rock. Holding it up between his thumb and forefinger, he said, "This is great." "Are you sure?" Poobah asked with the Dactite equivalent of a frown. James nodded his head and said, "It is exactly what I wanted. I love it." Lieutenant Powell looked at the rock and shook his head in dismay. He had known that there had been significant exchanges between James and the Dactite representative concerning the gift he was to receive, but he had been left out of the discussion. He had feared that was a bad idea. Leaning over to Ann, he asked, "He told them to give him a rock?" "I guess so," Ann answered with a shrug of her shoulders. She had wondered what the display case that James had purchased was intended to hold. She looked at the rock and shook her head. James looked down at the plain little rock in the palm of his hand and said, "I will treasure this forever." "It is a rock," Poobah said confused by his visitor's reaction to it. He would have been insulted to get a rock. "I know," James said. He gently placed the rock back inside the case and handed the case to Lieutenant Powell. He said, "Take extremely good care of this." "Okay, sir," Lieutenant Powell said with a frown. He figured that at the least, James had gotten a nice case out of the exchange. ------- After two weeks of discussing the matter, Ann had finally relented and allowed James to bring Junior down to the planet. Junior was beginning to walk and she was terrified that he would get into trouble on a strange planet. It had been bad enough when he was crawling, but now that he could walk he was getting into everything. They were getting ready to leave the shuttle when she gave voice to her concerns, "This is a bad idea." "Why?" James asked bent over the stroller. Ann couldn't see what James was doing and that worried her. She answered, "He's going to wander off and get lost." "I thought about that," James said. "I've taken steps to make sure that anyone who encounters him will know that he belongs with us." "Huh?" Ann said puzzled by what kind of steps James could take. Junior was a human baby and everyone on the planet would recognize it in a second. James stepped back from the stroller and gestured to the toddler. In a proud voice, he said, "See." Ann stared at Junior shocked by what she saw. Open mouthed, she said, "You stuck a fake beard on him." "Gotcha," Junior said repeating the first word that his father had taught him. Pointing at Junior, Ann said, "Get that beard off of him." James knelt down and pulled the small cape out of his pocket. He asked Junior, "Do you want to wear the cape?" "Yes," Junior answered. As James arranged the cape, he said, "No one ever told me how much fun it was being a father. Can we have more kids?" "I'm not sure that Lieutenant Powell could handle it," Ann said staring at her bearded baby. Junior climbed out of the stroller and stood beside it. He was wearing nothing but the fake beard, his diaper and the cape. He put his hands on his hips and struck a heroic pose. James gestured to his son and said, "Superspace Baby!" "Oh my God," Ann said. She had visions of the family arriving back at the space station and wondered how Uncle Arthur would react. Her whole family was going to go down in history as clowns. "He looks great, doesn't he?" James said. He stepped back with his camera and took a picture of Junior. He mentally went through the list of people to whom he would send copies of the picture. His mother would be so pleased. "He's not going out with the beard," Ann said deciding that it was time to put an end to this foolishness. "Please," James said knowing by the expression on her face that he was going to have to take the beard off of Junior. "No. I'm not going to give a whole planet the impression that human babies have beards." "Why not?" "Every mother on Earth would kill me," Ann answered. James shook his head and said, "My mother would be proud." "Your mother is just like you," Ann said. A horrible thought occurred to her. She asked, "Did your mother send you that beard?" Nodding his head, James answered, "Yes." "I thought so," Ann said with a sigh. She said, "She's the only grandmother in the world that would send her grandchild a fake beard." James asked, "Why do you say that?" "She's just like you," Ann said. James replied, "It is genetic." ------- A young Dactite rushed past in a flash wearing his racing stilts. For a second it had looked like he was going to crash into the group of humans, but he had bounced out of the way at the last moment without even slowing down. It had taken less than a month for the racing stilts to reach the farthest parts of the planet. Every Dactite, young and old, wanted a pair. Lieutenant Powell shook his head and said, "You can't go anywhere without seeing someone on those stilts." "I know," James said with a grin. He was quite proud of his gift to the Dactites. "I still can't believe that you gave them racing stilts," Lieutenant Powell said. "It was that or water balloons," James replied. He wasn't going to mention that he had slipped a package of miniature balloons to one of the Dactites who ran the local equivalent of a rubber factory. He had a feeling that there would soon be water balloon fights all over the planet. Lieutenant Powell froze when he recalled having seen a package of balloons on James' desk months ago. He said, "Don't tell me." "Okay, I won't tell you," James said with a grin. Lieutenant Powell groaned. He looked up at the sky and said, "And that was the beginning of the end of civilization as the Dactites knew it." ------- Chapter 26 Lieutenant Powell asked, "Do you know what gift James has for the Omagron leader?" "No," Starchild answered. Worried, Lieutenant Powell asked, "Did you ask Starman?" "Yes and he doesn't know," Starchild answered. "That's not good," Lieutenant Powell said. Hiding what he was doing from Starman was a sure sign that James was about to do something really off the wall. "I agree," Starchild said. Ken strolled into the room and said, "Hello, Lieutenant Powell." "Hello, Commander," Lieutenant Power said. Taking a seat, Ken looked around the room. Lieutenant Powell was playing with a pencil in a rather distracted manner. Ken asked, "What's the matter?" Lieutenant Powell said, "I was wondering what James has brought for the Omgaron leader." "Whatever it is, they'll love it," Ken said dismissively. He wasn't worried about the impression James would make on the aliens. It seemed to him that James just understood the aliens better than any other human. For some reason, they liked him. "You sound confident," Lieutenant Powell said. "I am," Ken said. "I'm not," Lieutenant Powell said. "Neither am I," Starchild said. Ken shook his head and said, "You think James is stupid, don't you?" "Not really," Lieutenant Powell said. He tended to view James like a loose cannon that rolled across the deck of ship according to the dictates of waves while leaving a swath of destruction behind it. He felt that it was his job to clean up after him. "James is probably the most brilliant man I've ever met," Ken said. "He's undisciplined," Lieutenant Powell said. Ken laughed at the characterization of James and said, "I'll grant you that. He's definitely not a military man. How he ended up an admiral, I'll never understand and I was there when it happened." Lieutenant Powell said, "I spend all of my time cleaning up the messes he leaves behind." "Like what?" Ken asked leaning forward to look directly in Lieutenant Powell's eyes. Lieutenant Powell said, "Well, like..." "You can't think of anything can you?" Ken asked watching the young man struggle to identify an instance where James had actually blown it. The question gave Lieutenant Powell a moment of pause. Shrugging his shoulders, he said, "I can't come up with an example off the top of my head." "We've got four new fighter pilots who have just been assigned escort duty for our ship. Would you like to know something interesting?" Ken asked leaning back comfortably in his chair. "What?" Ken answered, "They were at that Air Force graduation ceremony where James read his shopping list. Would you like to know something else very interesting?" "Sure." "They remember his speech word for word," Ken said. He adjusted his position in his chair and added, "I read your speech. I can't even remember what it was about. Every one of those kids remembers every word of the speech that James gave. I find that remarkable." "Oh," Lieutenant Powell said sitting back in his chair. Ken leaned forward and said, "James understood what was important to the hundreds of young men and women standing out there in the hot sun. He reminded them that they were one class in a long line of classes to graduate. He suggested that it was quite possible that they could be the last class to graduate if they failed their mission. "He didn't try to argue logically that they should strive to win, he hit them with their emotions. Those young men and women were thinking of marriage and raising families. A third of them got married between graduating and leaving for their first assignment. He let them know the cost of failure would be the end of marriage and family. He promised that it would be the end of the things they hoped to have. "He reminded them of what it meant to be human. It is a uniquely human thing to laugh and share good times with friends. His speech wasn't given for the benefit of historians. His speech was targeted at the graduating class. If he failed in his speech, there wouldn't be any historians left after the war to discuss the matter." "Oh," Lieutenant Powell said stunned by what Ken was telling him. Ken said, "Let me be blunt, Lieutenant Powell. While you were having a panic attack that James had not read your lousy little speech, he was hitting a homerun." Lieutenant Powell did not know what to say. His memories of that day were completely different. He remembered it as a total disaster. Embarrassed, he said, "I didn't realize." Ken stared at Lieutenant Powell with a hard look in his eye and asked, "Do you know what your job is?" "I think so," Lieutenant Powell answered feeling more than a little uncomfortable. "I don't think you do. You are his executive assistant. You schedule his meetings, make sure that he has everything he requires for his meetings, and you run interference when others want to impose on his time. You are not his nursemaid," Ken said. "Yes, sir," Lieutenant Powell said realizing that he was definitely on the wrong side of a superior officer. "James has been extremely tolerant of you. You would have never gotten promoted under me," Ken said rising from his chair. He looked over at Starchild and said, "Starchild, you told Ann that you were going to train your pet to better handle James. You are failing miserably." "Yes, Ken," Starchild said trying to disappear in his pet's lap. ------- James and Starman were seated in the office doing little except waiting for the next disaster to occur. Normally disasters were regular enough that there wasn't much time left over to just sit around and do nothing. Bored, James fiddled with his plastic spider and said, "Something must be wrong with Lieutenant Powell. He has been acting strange. He actually laughed when the snakes jumped out of his desk drawer." "Ice said that his pet had a long talk with Lieutenant Powell and Starchild," Starman said. James sat there for a second and then said, "If I remember correctly, Ice has a pet mouse. I can't imagine a mouse having a long talk with Lieutenant Powell." "No, Ken is Ice's pet," Starman replied. "Are you sure?" James asked. "Quite sure," Starman answered. James frowned while nodding his head. He asked, "Does Ken know that?" "Ken is much more accepting of his status as a pet than you are," Starman answered. James sighed and said, "I know. Ann is a little jealous of Kim and how well she trained Ken. Ann is having a very difficult time training me. She says that it is almost as difficult as convincing you that you are my pet." "I am not your pet. You are my pet," Starman said. "Such self delusions can not be healthy," James said with concern evident in his voice. "Pet me," Starman said giving up. As James stroked Starman's back, he said, "That's the problem with having pets. They are so demanding of affection." ------- Lieutenant Powell held the little box that represented the gift to the King of the Omagron. He didn't know what was in the box and it concerned him a little. It felt like it was empty. Unlike the ceremony with the Dactites who waited for the visitor to gift the host, the Omagron presented a gift to invited visitors before accepting a gift from the visitor. James received the box from the King of the Omagron. He smiled when he saw it and held up another little stone. He said, "This is a wonderful gift." The King, unable to hold back his curiosity, asked, "Why did you ask for a rock?" Pointing to the rock, James answered, "I have traveled a long distance to visit your wonderful planet. This little rock is a small piece of your home world that I can take with me when I leave here. I can invest my memories of my visit in it. When I hold it in my hand, I can once again feel that I am touching your world. It is a very valuable gift." The King looked at the little rock and said, "I underestimated the value of this gift. I looked at it and saw a rock. You look at it with eyes that see a whole planet." James put the rock back in the box and handed it to Lieutenant Powell. He said, "Take good care of this." "Yes, sir," Lieutenant Powell said thinking over the answer that James had given the King. He handed the other box to James. James held out the box to the King and said, "King Sandy, this is my gift to you and your people. I hope that you like it." The King opened the box and looked inside. Puzzled, he asked, "What is it?" "That is a Fedora," James answered with a smile. "What do I do with it?" the King asked holding the box up to inspect item inside it. He'd never seen anything like it. "If one of your advisors will step forward, I shall demonstrate the proper use of a Fedora," James answered. The King gestured to one of the Omagron standing behind him. The poor little thing stepped up wondering what was going to happen. James reached over to the box and lifted out the small green hat. He placed it on the head of the Omagron and adjusted it so that it was appropriately positioned. He stepped back and asked, "What do you think?" The advisor was a perfect example of an Omagron. He was a small delicate lizard-like creature that stood about three and a half feet tall. His back was a bright red in color and his belly was bright yellow. The green fedora, perched atop its head, gave the Omagron a rather jaunty look. The advisor stood up straighter and said, "It keeps the sun out of my eyes." "Ah," the King said. He rather liked the look of the hat. He gestured for the advisor to come over to him. He took the hat and put it on his head. His eyes were much more comfortable with the hat on his head. One of the great causes of discomfort was the unrelenting bright light that nearly blinded them at noon. James said, "In the bottom of the box are the manufacturing instructions for making more of them." "This is a wonderful gift. It looks quite attractive and it keeps the sun out of the eyes," the King said. He handed the box over to his advisor and said, "Have them make these by the millions." "Yes, Sire. That is most gracious of you," the advisor said wishing he had the hat back. "A Fedora?" Lieutenant Powell said staring at the Omagron. Never in a thousand years would he have thought to give the leader of an entire race a hat. Looking at it objectively, he realized that it was sheer genius to come up with that present. He wondered how James knew. ------- The lecture hall of the King Sandy University was packed with professors, students, and members of the press. They had all come to meet the much studied Admiral James Kamp. It was felt that James had saved the university from having to shut its doors. The painful possibility of becoming extinct appeared to have been eliminated. Although the Omagrons had been on the verge of extinction, the population of the Omagrons had made a major upturn as a result of the Human Mating Effect. From around ten thousand individuals at the time the human ship had met the Quatyl ship, the population had soared to fifteen thousand. When the Omagron young would reach breeding age, it looked like the population growth would continue at an even faster rate. James had been shocked to find out that the university had a course in which he was the only subject of study. It seemed that the Omagrons found his past actions fascinating. There were scholars debating the significance of the plastic spider that he had thrown in the direction of Einke Klein. It took every bit of control that he had not to laugh when Omagron scholars had lined up to take a look at Irving. Ann didn't even try to control her laughter. Considering the diminutive size of the Omagrons, it was a little tight getting into the lecture hall. James and Ann had to get down on their hands and knees to crawl through the doorway. Junior walked through the door without having to bend over. Despite the awkward entrance, the stage was tall enough for James and Ann to stand and was broad enough for them to move around comfortably. It was finally time for the panel discussion to start. One of the most eminent James Kamp scholars walked over to the podium and cleared his throat. The Omagron talked in a very high voice using sounds that reminded James of birdsong. In a weak voice, the scholar said, "I would like to show you the earliest film of Admiral James Kamp that we have been able to locate. I think it is a fitting introduction to our visitor." Listening to Starman translating the speech, Ann groaned when she turned and saw the film that was playing at the front of the room. It was a recording of when James had first arrived on the space station, St. Louis. He was wearing his cape and giving his speech to his uncle. She said, "Oh, God." "It kind of takes your breath away, doesn't it?" James asked grinning from ear to ear. The joke with his uncle had turned into one on the entire universe. "Yes," Ann agreed thinking that the historical legacy James was leaving behind was just too horrible for words. "I'm just too handsome for words," James said adjusting his jacket. Ann stared at James realizing that he was serious. She looked over at Junior. Her child was standing in that same heroic pose complete with his cape. The diaper ruined the effect somewhat. Shaking her head, she said, "You're too something for words. When I figure out what it is, I'll tell you." When the film ended, the scholar rose and said, "His first statement to the crowd was, 'Greetings Uncle Arthur. Have no fear, I am here. Yes, I, Super-spaceman, and my wife, Super- spacewoman, have come to protect you from the evil intergalactic hordes on their way to ravage our solar system!'" "Prophetic words if I've ever heard them. Our life has changed since that fateful day when James met us. He has lived up to his promise of protecting all of us from the evil intergalactic hordes," the scholar said bowing low to James. Half the audience followed his example. Once Starman had finished translating the scholar's comments, James rose and bowed back. He said, "You give me too much credit. Is there not an Omagron at the table when we discuss what it is we are about to do? Are not Dactites, Engels, Quatyl, Dromat, Andicor, and Gnord seated around the table as well?" "He is modest too," the elderly scholar said. Starman nearly choked on translating that. There for a moment the Slathern was making all kinds of unrecognizable noises. As James took his seat again, Stardust commented, "I hadn't noticed that." "It is very true. I am modest," James said. "Really?" Ann asked with a raised eyebrow. Smiling, James whispered, "Don't you recall that I was saying this morning that I was almost perfect in every way? If that isn't an example of modesty, then I don't know what is." "How is that modest?" Starman asked incredulous. "I should have said that I was perfect in every way," James said with a grin. Wondering if his ego was getting away from him, Ann said, "Oh God, give me a break." The old scholar had continued talking and Starman had not been translating the speech through the Slathern. James said, "Starman, keep translating what they are saying. I'm finding this absolutely fascinating." Starman asked, "What is so fascinating about this?" "I'm amazed that they can be so wrong about me," James said while Junior climbed up into his lap. He shook his head and said, "They think I'm some sort of Super-spaceman." ------- In much the same way that the racing stilts had taken hold of the Dactite imagination, the fedoras had become extremely popular among the Omagrons. Ann thought the lizard-like beings looked rather ridiculous wearing them. It was even worse after James had delivered the designs for sunglasses to one of the leading manufacturers of plastic goods. Everywhere they went the Omagrons were wearing fedoras and sunglasses. The Omagrons looked like characters out of a rather bad movie about blues musicians. Ann looked over at Junior and the outfit in which James had dressed him. She had nearly died when she had seen it the first time. The little baby was wearing a black suit, sunglasses, and fedora. She couldn't help the words coming out of her mouth, "He looks so cute." "I'm glad that you approve," James said with a grin. Junior strutted around the shuttle enjoying the attention. Just about every woman on the ship had declared him the cutest little thing they had ever seen. He looked at his mother and said, "I'm so handsome that it hurts." James nodded his head in approval and said, "You'll get used to the pain, Junior. I did." "Oh, God," Ann said shaking her head. Ignoring the expression on Ann's face, James turned to Lt. Powell and asked, "When is the King supposed to arrive?" "It will be any minute," Lt. Powell answered looking out the hatch. "Good, I can't wait to inspect the Omagron fleet," James said. His uncle had assured him that the Omagron battleship was the ugliest and most threatening vessel he could possibly imagine. The wait for the King wasn't that long — merely three hours or so. The King, acting rather flustered, hustled aboard the shuttle saying, "Sorry I'm late. My advisors couldn't agree on what color fedora I should wear for such an important occasion." Junior said, "Get a Fedora that includes every color, then they can't argue." "That's a good idea," the King said looking over at Junior. James smiled and said, "Do one with squares and one with dots. You don't want them to have nothing to argue about." The King looked at James trying to decide if he was serious. He asked, "How will that keep them from making me late?" "It won't," Ann answered giving James one of those looks that suggested it was time for him to be quiet. "How many advisors do you have?" James asked. "Six," the King answered. "Get another advisor," James said. When he saw the King's confused expression, he added, "It will be easy. With an odd number, you'll always have one side being a majority." "Ah," the Kind said looking at James with even greater respect. Junior said, "I'm bored." James said, "From the mouth of babes." "I don't understand," the King said looking over at Junior trying to see if anything was coming from his mouth. "It is half a quote," James said shrugging his shoulders. Even more confused, the King asked, "What happened to the other half?" "You're supposed to know it," James answered. He would have explained more, but he couldn't remember the other half of the quote. ------- Chapter 27 The Dromat fleet hung silent in the lone reaches of dark space. Each ship was a dark hulk barely visible against the blackness of space. Although the ships had minimal fighting ability, all of which were basically defensive, they still looked threatening. The real danger posed by the ships was not visible. Inside each ship were ten thousand space mines. James looked at the huge fleet and asked, "Will there be enough Dromats to staff all of those ships when the Chitiniodian fleet arrives for the big battle?" "Yes," Cousin Itt answered feeling awed by the fleet. It was one thing to know intellectually about the fleet, but it was another to actually see it for himself. "It is impressive," James said. "Each ship carries three different types of mines," Cousin Itt said. The mines had been designed through collaboration among Dactites, Dromats, and Humans. They were designed using the information they had collected about the weaknesses and strengths of the Chitiniodian ships. "Three?" James asked. "Yes. One type is based on the geodesic sphere. It will expand when it is near a ship until it touches the shield. Shaped charges will explode to take out the shield. From the center, a laser will fire into the enemy ship," Cousin Itt said with the Dromat equivalent of a smile. He was so pleased that they would be able to use the geodesic sphere in this war. "Interesting," James said. He hadn't known about that mine. "It will really be effective when used against their little fighter ships," Cousin Itt added. With the geodesic sphere opening out to a range of more than ten kilometers the surprise factor was going to be very large. "I can imagine," James said. "One mine will be able to stop several of their fighters before it is totally expended." "That's good," James said trying to imagine what it would look like in use. "The other mine is a basic explosive mine with a ballistic projectile. We based it off the umbrella," Cousin Itt said. It was a good basic mine, but it didn't open up like the umbrella weapon that James had invented. "Excellent," James said with a smile. "The last is a nuclear explosive mine that will disable all enemy ships within range when it is tripped. We only carry a few of those on each ship," Cousin Itt said. Those were the ones that made him the most nervous. "Those are weapons of last resort," James said noticing the unease of the Dromat. He added, "Hopefully, we won't have to use them until the final battle." "I hope that we never have to use them. They make me very uneasy," Cousin Itt said. James looked out the porthole and said, "It is a fine looking fleet." "Thank you," Cousin Itt said. He was very proud of the fleet that had been assembled. A lighted ship slowly approached from the direction of the Dromat planet. James said, "It looks like the President is coming for a visit." "Although it is not customary for hosts and guests to exchange presents, I am sure that President Drall will enjoy the gift that you've brought us," Cousin Itt said. James looked over at the Dromat with a smile. The bland brown hair of the Dromat had been dyed with a profusion of colors using the temporary hair dye James had ordered. Cousin Itt looked a lot like a cross between a dust mop and a psychedelic poster. James asked, "How do you like it?" "I love it," Cousin Itt said with a little shake of his fur. The effect of the multi-colored fur shimmering was almost overwhelming. Psychedelic purple, pink, red, yellow, green, and blue swirled about with hypnotic effect. "I'm glad. After I've given him the selection of dyes you can model the result for him. Don't come out of the shuttle until I call for you," James said. "Yes. I'm sure that he'll love the hair dye too," Cousin Itt said. He had spent almost an hour in front of a mirror looking at his reflection. James smiled and said, "That's great." Leaning over to James, Cousin Itt said, "My mate thinks it is most attractive." "That's even better," James said with a smile. Cousin Itt looked over at Junior and, trying to remember the word for what Junior was wearing, said, "I like his — wig?" Junior was wearing a clown wig that was bright green, red, and blue. Junior gave Cousin Itt two thumbs up and said, "Thanks. Dad has one just like it." Cousin Itt asked, "Why aren't you wearing yours?" James sighed and said, "Lt. Powell said that I couldn't wear it. Normally that wouldn't have stopped me, but Ken agreed with him. He said there is something in the regulations about it not being allowed." "Pity," Cousin Itt said. He added, "It would make you look much better. Your species looks so unhealthy without hair." "You've got to admit that I'm a great looking specimen for my species," James said with a smile. Cousin Itt said, "There is a mechanic on the ship who has hair all over his body. I think he is much better looking than you." "You would," James said with a laugh. The ship with the President aboard came to a stop beside the Deceiver. James said, "Let's get in the shuttle and head over for a visit with President Drall." Ann looked over at James and said, "James, there's just one thing you should do before we leave." "What?" James asked. "Remove Junior's wig," Ann answered. James could see that she was serious. He said, "He's so cute in it. If I'm not allowed to wear one, at least he should be able to wear it." "Now," Ann said. "Why?" James asked knowing that it was a lost cause. "Because I don't want the rest of the universe thinking that he's a clown," Ann answered. "I'm not a clown; I'm a chip off the old block," Junior said pointing at his father. ------- Nervously pacing around in the landing bay, President Drall could hardly wait to meet James. This was the most exciting event of his presidency. For a change, every major member of the press was present to observe this historic event. He leaned over to his advisor and asked, "What kind of present do you think he brought?" "I have no idea," the advisor answered for the hundredth time that afternoon. Many members of the Dromat Press had speculated that James would bring a hat for them. Others had suggested that it would be something like the umbrella or geodesic sphere. President Drall shivered as he looked in the direction of the shuttle. He said, "I'm so excited. I love getting presents." "Calm down, sir," the advisor said noticing that the President's hair had become a little tangled. He gestured to a female Dromat to come over and brush President Drall's hair. He felt that it was important for the Dromats to make a good impression on their visitor. While the female Dromat fussed over him, President Drall said, "I can't believe that I'm actually going to meet Admiral James Kamp." The advisor gave a little shake and said, "I know what you mean, sir." "How much longer until he's able to leave the shuttle?" President Drall asked. It was necessary for the atmosphere to be replaced in the shuttle holding area. "It should be any time now," the advisor answered. "The suspense is killing me. What kind of present do you think he brought?" "I don't know, sir," the advisor answered. The door of the shuttle opened. It was almost a full minute before James stepped out and looked around. To one side was the assembled press corps. They were hard to miss because of the abundant cameras and microphones aimed in his direction. Ahead of him was a small gathering of very important looking individuals. There was one person standing in front of all of the others. He headed in the direction of the President. The whole audience gave a little shake of excitement. It looked like a thousand dust mops being shaken simultaneously. Lieutenant Powell, carrying Starchild in his hands, followed behind James hoping that the Dromats liked the present James was carrying. James stopped in front of President Drall and, using the translations of Starchild and a Slathern, said, "Hello, President Drall. I know that it is not your custom to accept gifts from visitors, but I've brought one anyway. I hope that you will like it." "Admiral Kamp. It is a pleasure to welcome you to our solar system. There has been much speculation about the present that you've brought with you," President Drall said. He looked around for a second and said, "I must admit that I'm very curious about what you have brought for us." James held out the small box he was carrying with him. Although he was tempted to make the President wait, he said, "There's no need to wait a minute longer." President Drall reached out and grabbed it. He opened the box and looked at the small plastic tubes that were nestled inside. He frowned and asked, "What is this?" James smiled and said, "It might be better if I showed you." "Yes, of course," President Drall said feeling a little underwhelmed by the contents of the box. James turned to face the shuttle and shouted, "Cousin Itt." There was a low murmur of noise while members of the press spouted their usual baseless speculations about what was happening to a distant audience. The noise lasted until Cousin Itt stepped out of the shuttle. Initially, his appearance was greeted with thunderous silence. All eyes took in the colors that covered Cousin Itt. Suddenly, there was the sound of a hundred feet slamming against the floor. It repeated as everyone started marching in place. This was the Dromat equivalent of a standing ovation. The pace quickly turned from sedate march to frantic dance which was a sign of great amazement in addition to admiration. James looked around at everyone in attendance. Smiling, he turned to the President and asked, "What do you think of it?" "It is marvelous. Such colors as I can hardly imagine," President Drall exclaimed without pause from his foot stomping dance. He could barely keep his eyes from staring at Cousin Itt. The very loud march of bare feet hitting the floor of the space ship lasted for almost three minutes. James later found out that it was nearly a record for the normally sedate Dromat. Applause at a graduation ceremony normally lasted about ten seconds. The last time there had been applause of that duration had been when the first Dromat spaceship had lifted off for space. Suspecting that he knew the answer, Lieutenant Powell edged forward and asked, "What is going on?" "They are applauding," James answered. Although James had never seen it before, he knew what it was since Cousin Itt had described the act to him. "So they like the gift?" Lieutenant Powell asked. He felt a little bad about having laughed when he had first seen Cousin Itt. It was a natural mistake to assume that James had just played some kind of joke on the Dromat. "Yes, they like the gift," James answered. Starchild, born with the memories of his ancestors implanted in him while still in the egg, said, "I have no memories of a Quatyl seeing this." "You're young, yet," James said. He looked back at the shuttle to find Ann, Junior, Starman, and Stardust peeking out the door trying to see what was going on. He waved to them. "I've got memories going back five thousand years to when the Quatyl first encountered the Dromat," Starchild said. "You're just a babe in the woods," James said. Junior seeing his opportunity, dashed out of the shuttle still wearing his clown wig. He ran over to his father while being chased by Ann. Upon reaching his father, Junior said, "They are excited." "Yes, they are," James said. Lieutenant Powell said, "It looks like you struck a homerun again." The stomping finally died down and President Drall turned to James. He said, "That is a most exciting gift. I can't wait to learn how to use it." "There are instructions in the box on how to use it. There are also instructions on how to make it," James said. President Drall looked in the box and noticed the papers stuck under the tubes of hair dye. He handed the box to his advisor and said, "Take this and have the instructions sent out to the appropriate place of manufacture." The advisor took the box and ran three steps away. He stopped and turned to face James. Giving a quick stamp of his feet, he said, "It has been an honor meeting you, Admiral Kamp." Irritated at the delay, President Grall said, "Run along. Get that information to the people." "Yes, sir," the advisor said turning to flee. President Grall gestured to another advisor who brought a small box to him. The box was very ornate. It was made of a variety of precious minerals native to their planet and inlaid within silver. President Grall offered the box to James and said, "I picked the stone myself." "The box is very beautiful," James said accepting it from the Dromat. President Grall said, "Some of our most talented artists worked together to make it." "It is a treasure," James said. James opened the box and took out the stone. Smiling, he held up the stone for everyone to see. In a very loud voice that would carry to the press, he said, "It is perfect." "I'm so relieved," President Grall said. James replaced the stone inside the box and handed it to Lieutenant Powell. He said, "We will put this with the others." "Yes, sir," Lieutenant Powell said unable to believe the quality of the box that held the basic stone. ------- James, Ann, and Junior stood on the raised dais on the marching grounds of the newly created Military Academy of Space Service while the graduating class passed by in a stately march. These were the young Dromat males and females who would be staffing the Dromat fleet. There were over a thousand of them in the graduating class. Their march was a little different than the type of march practiced by American soldiers who raised the feet up and down or the Russian style of march with legs that raised high in front. The Dromats tended to swing from side to side as they shuffled past. The movement caused their long hair to sway to and fro. The class slowly filed in and took positions on the broad lawn in front of the dais. The lawn was not covered with grass, but a pale green moss. The moss was a throwback to the Dromat ancestry as a creature of the arctic tundra that covered much of their planet. To James, the lawn looked a lot like a very fine green carpet. President Drall leaned over and said, "You might not believe it, but every Dromat of age has volunteered to join the space service. The class that will graduate next year is just as large as this one. In ten years, we'll have over ten thousand members in our space force." "Amazing," James said watching the young Dromats shuffle past in a line four abreast. He asked, "If this is all of the young men and women of age, how will you ever fill all of the ships in space?" "We've had a bit of a breeding frenzy as a result of the Human Mating Effect. Our population increased by twenty thousand this year. At this rate, we'll have more than enough when it comes to the final battle with the Chitiniodians," President Drall answered. "Ah," James said. The mine layers did not require as large of a crew as the battleships of the other races. A handful of Dromats on the bridge, a handful of Dromats to staff the defensive weapons, and two dozen Dromats to lay the mines were all that required on any given shift. The mine layers also served on the repair crews. With three shifts, a ship only required a crew of a hundred. "This class is particularly fortunate in many ways. They are the first graduates of a Military Academy in the history of the Dromat. They will staff ten ships of the fleet. They will have the honor of coming up with the techniques for distributing mines," President Drall said. The advisor said, "I wish that I was young enough to join them. This is so exciting." "Exciting?" James asked seeing that the advisor was doing a little dance indicating his extreme excitement. President Drall looked nervously at Starman and then said, "The ships in space are the first true Dromat Fleet to exist since we encountered the Quatyl five thousand years ago. Those ships will be captained by a Dromat and not a Quatyl. You have no idea how exciting that is to us." "I can imagine," James said. He turned to watch the last of the graduates reach the field in front of the stand. All of the graduates started a little dance. Watching them, Ann said, "My God. It looks like an explosion at a paint factory." Junior said, "They look like hairy parrots." ------- President Drall relaxed in his favorite chair looking at James and Cousin Itt. James was seated on a portable chair that he had brought along since the Dromats were about half the size of an average person. Cousin Itt was seated on a little stool. With Starman on his lap providing translation services, James asked, "How is it going with the dancing ship, President Drall?" "It is a very interesting concept," President Drall answered evasively. He gave a little shake creating a whirl of colors that was almost sufficient to give a normal person a headache. Curious, James said, "That doesn't answer my question." "It is big," President Drall answered. The ship was about the size of their entire fleet once it unfolded in space. "That still doesn't answer my question." Cousin Itt said, "We can get it to move, but we can't control it." "Really?" James asked looking over at Cousin Itt. Starman looked up at James thinking that he was taking the news well. "It just kind of flops around wildly," President Drall said embarrassed that they hadn't been able to get the strange craft functioning correctly. "Really?" James asked getting excited. "You don't seem disappointed," Cousin Itt said. "He looks quite angry," President Drall said mistaking the grin for something a lot more aggressive. "He's happy," Cousin Itt said having much more experience with the strange expressions of humans. Starman said, "The weirdest things make him happy." "Really?" President Drall asked looking over at Cousin Itt with a worried expression. "You can't control it at all?" James asked. President Drall answered, "Not at all. Once we turn it on, it twists, rotates and bends in a most unexpected manner. After about three hours every one we've build has fallen apart." "You say it falls apart?" James asked imagining a giant ship flying apart in thousands of pieces. "That's right," Cousin Itt said. "What happens to the parts?" James asked thinking this was getting better and better the more he learned. "They just fly in every direction," Cousin Itt said. "This is fantastic," James said grinning broadly. "Fantastic?" President Drall asked, "What does he mean?" "The Chitiniodians won't have a chance of figuring out what they are facing," James said imagining the battle. "It can't hurt them," President Drall said. "It can confuse them and sometimes that is a whole lot better," James said with a grin. President Drall thought about it for a few seconds and then said, "I don't understand." "What are we supposed to be doing while it is moving uncontrollably?" Cousin Itt asked. "The Dromat will be doing nothing," James answered. "What about the Chitiniodians?" President Drall asked. "I imagine that they'll attack the ship," James answered. "That will accomplishing nothing," President Drall said with the Dromat equivalent of a frown. James grinned and said, "Do you see how effective that strategy is?" "No." ------- Chapter 28 Admiral 2c1b2t had decided that his fleet needed to change tactics a little. Part of the reason was the result of long conversations with Lord 3b. Months of analyzing the recordings of past battles had convinced them that the aliens had a kind of ship that could reflect missiles back at their origin. Lord 3b had declared that those ships were a new class of ships that he called reflectors. Following the advice of Lord 3b, Admiral 2c1b2t had issued orders that the ships in his fleet were not to fire upon reflectors. They were to concentrate their fire upon the other ships in the area. Only after the other ships were destroyed were they to study the reflectors and try to destroy them. Despite the fact that it was a huge number of ships going against a single ship sitting out in space, Admiral 2c1b2t knew that this was going to be a pivotal engagement with the aliens. Even Lord 3b was going to monitor the battle in real time. Watching the sensors, he gave the order, "Slow to fighting speed." The huge fleet came to a halt. As they expected, hundreds of reflectors suddenly appeared on the scene. He said, "Scan the area." As soon as the scans started, the original ship just disappeared from the screen. Puzzled, he said, "Scan for that original ship again." One of the crew said, "It is gone." "What do you mean it is gone?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked. "It just disappeared. One click it was there and the next it was gone," the sensor specialist answered. "Did you track it?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked. "It just disappeared," the sensor specialist answered. Their sensors should have been able to track it when it left, but there was nothing. Deciding that it was a mystery that could be solved after the battle, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Scan the reflectors and find their weak spot." "Uh, they just fired upon the hunter fleets," the sensor specialist said staring at the screen. "That's impossible. They are reflectors," Admiral 2c1b2t said not believing what the screens were showing. Everything they knew about the reflector class ships told them that they sent any missiles fired at them back to their source. As the hunter fleets disappeared from the screen, the sensor specialist said, "The hunter fleets have been destroyed." From the bridge of his command ship Lord 3b had watched the engagement. His shock at the exchange mirrored that of Admiral 2c1b2t. He used his communications channel to order, "Have your planet busters attack the reflectors now." Admiral 2c1b2t ordered, "All ships attack the reflectors now." The planet busters lowered their shields to fire upon the reflectors. Even as the ships prepared to fire, they started falling apart. From a good distance back from the actual site of the battle, Admiral 2c1b2t watched as eighty of his planet busters died for no apparent reason. Angry, he slammed his claw into the armrest of his chair. Unfortunately, his aim was a little off and the armrest deflected his claw into his leg. He let loose with a very loud bellow. Lord 3b said, "This is impossible." Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Fire upon those reflectors." Making a decision that was unprecedented in the history of the Chitiniodians, Lord 3b ordered, "Flee." "No," Admiral 2c1b2t said. Chitiniodians did not flee from a battle. He turned to his crew and said, "Put the shields on maximum and ram those ships." Furious at having his order disobeyed, Lord 3b watched the battle evolve until the transmissions suddenly cut off. He turned to his chamberlain and said, "Admiral 2c1b2t is lucky he died. I would have killed him slowly for disobeying an order." "Yes, sir," the chamberlain said. He wasn't going to say that he was shocked at the order to flee and understood exactly why the Admiral had disobeyed it. Lord 3b sat back and said, "I probably would have done the same thing, though." "Yes, sir," the chamberlain said. "Other Lords will criticize my command," Lord 3b said. He had hoped that this would turn into a war like that against the Boggums. It was obvious by this battle that they were facing an alien force that was more dangerous than the Boggums. "You know the other Lords far better than I," the chamberlain said knowing that Lord 3b was going to get raked over the coals for his order to flee. "We needed to study the raw sensor feeds to know what happened. Now they are lost to us," Lord 3b said staring at the blank screen. An entire navy had been defeated and not a single alien ship had been destroyed. "It was a wise decision on your part," the chamberlain said. ------- James watched the battle surrounded by the members of his think tank. Shaking his head, he said, "That was interesting." "Yes, it was," Cousin Itt said. He had been surprised by how long the aliens had sat there after the battle star had disappeared. It was as if they didn't know what to do. "I didn't expect them to attempt to ram the umbrellas," James said frowning. Cousin Itt said, "That was most unexpected." Captain Alberts said, "That was an old naval tactic. In fact, there were entire navies that operated using that tactic long before there were cannon." James looked over at Cousin Itt and said, "It wouldn't be a bad idea to give them something to ram." The Dromat said, "I have an idea on a different way to use our new mine." "Great," James said. "It is going to be great," Cousin Itt said feeling happy that the collapsible geodesic sphere would play a role in defeating the alien invaders. He said, "A lever is a lever." "That's true," James said nodding his head in agreement. He understood perfectly what the Dromat meant. "So what is going to happen next?" Captain Beac asked. James answered, "For the next couple of years, we're going to have a handful of their fleets arrive to test out our capabilities. I would estimate that in about seven years time, we're going to get hit with several thousand ships." Cousin Itt closed his eyes trying to imagine it. There just wasn't enough data to support that kind of statement concerning the timing and size of the next major attack. Giving up, he said, "I can't say one way or the other." "That's okay. We'll find one or two of their computers out there and see what the current distribution of the alien fleet looks like," James said. "How do you want to deal with the probing attacks?" Captain Alberts asked. "Let's advance our position by twenty light years and use the Dactites against them," James said with a smile. "Why?" Fixit asked. It wasn't that he was worried about engaging the aliens, but he was surprised that James would use them against the probing attacks. He kind of liked the idea of a thousand of them going against seven or fourteen of the alien ships. "I want them to think that we've been defeated by a different group of aliens," James said. The entire brain trust turned to stare at James. Seeing that he had everyone's attention, he said, "In fact, I think that about the time the second probing attack arrives that we should have the Dactites destroy our little battle star and a bunch of umbrellas. Let them watch the battle as they approach. When they arrive, we'll have the Dactities attack the aliens." Unable to believe what he was hearing, the Andicor Captain said, "You're going to have the Dactites to kill us?" "You won't be on board the ship. It will be empty," James replied waving a hand dismissively. "Oh, that's better." Captain Alberts asked, "What is that going to do for us in the long run?" "They won't be expecting it," James answered. They would arrive expecting one enemy and discover that they were fighting another. Later, they would suddenly find themselves fighting the combined forces. Starman asked, "Does anyone know how to spot James at a cock fight?" None of the aliens at the table even understood the question. The humans turned to look at the Quatyl wondering what that question had to do with anything. Finally, Captain Alberts answered, "No." "He's the one with the duck," Starman said. James burst out laughing. It was the first time that he had heard Starman tell a joke. He said, "They'll never expect to be fighting my duck." "What is a cock fight?" Cousin Itt answered totally baffled by the exchange. Equally baffled, Chunky asked, "What is a duck?" Captain Anders stared at Starman and said, "You've been around James way too long." "Sad, isn't it," Starman replied. ------- Admiral 2c1b2t limped around the room in which he was being kept prisoner. All that he remembered of the end of the battle was the rear of his ship getting destroyed by five missiles. The hatches had sealed and the bridge of the ship had been cast adrift. That had been followed by the long slow depletion of atmosphere and a loss of consciousness. He had regained consciousness in this cell. It was a miracle that he was even alive. He looked over at his aide and asked, "Where do you think we are?" "I don't know, sir," the aide answered tiredly. It had to be the hundredth time the Admiral had asked that question. "This must be some sort of facility that they use to store food," Admiral 2c1b2t said. As far as he could tell, there was no other reason to keep them alive. They killed aliens as soon as they saw them. "I wish you would quit saying that, sir," the aide said in an irritated voice. He didn't like the idea of becoming someone's meal. "Don't get grouchy," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "I'm hungry," the aide said. "We're in a serious situation here and all you can think about is your stomach," Admiral 2c1b2t said looking over at his aide. It seemed to him that you never knew someone until things were bad. "There is nothing for us to do, so I think about my stomach," the aide said. By Chitiniodian standards, he was a fat little fellow and thought about his stomach a lot. One of the walls turned transparent. Admiral 2c1b2t and his aide turned to look at it. A wave of disgust at the pink rubbery looking alien washed through their bodies. Admiral 2c1b2t was convinced that no one had ever seen a life form so disgusting in appearance. James looked at the aliens through the bullet proof glass. He smiled and waved at them. The one with a limp rushed forward and attacked the glass. James frowned and shook his head. He shook a finger at the alien and said, "Bad little alien." Admiral 2c1b2t was shocked at hearing the alien speak his language. He looked over at his aide and asked, "Did he just say that I was a bad little alien?" "Yes, sir. That is what it sounded like to me," the aide answered just as surprised. There was no way that a rubbery creature like that should be able to make the clicks, bellows, thrums, and whistles of a Chitiniodian. "Ugly thing, isn't it?" Admiral 2c1b2t said backing away from the glass. "Yes, sir. It is quite disgusting in appearance," the aide said in honest agreement with the admiral. "That's no way to talk about your host," James said. "Besides, you wouldn't exactly win a beauty contest." "What is a combat of attractiveness?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked trying to make sense out of what he had heard. "I have no idea, sir," the aide answered staring at the disgusting creature. Hearing what the two aliens were saying, James said, "That didn't get translated right." "Maybe he was calling us ugly," the aide suggested. "Ridiculous. I'm a perfect example of a Chitiniodian," Admiral 2c1b2t said standing up in a stately pose. He would have been a little disappointed to learn that his aide didn't think much of his appearance or the pose. "Hold on," James said. Confused, the two aliens looked at each other. Admiral 2c1b2t asked, "What is it that we are to hold on to?" "I have no idea," the aide answered while looking around the featureless room. There was absolutely nothing to hang onto in the entire area. "This isn't going well," James muttered as he turned to the linguist who was out of sight from the aliens. He turned off the microphone and said, "Can you correct the translation?" "Yes, Admiral," the linguist answered. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to correct, but he fixed the problem with the translation of the term beauty contest. He looked over at the Admiral and said, "I think that fixed it." James turned back to look in the room with the aliens. He turned on the microphone and said, "As I said before, you won't win a beauty contest." Admiral 2c1b2t rose up to his full height and stared at James. Insulted, he looked over at the aide and said, "You were right. He was calling us ugly." "How rude," the aide said. Something that ugly shouldn't be calling them ugly. Smiling at the two aliens, James said, "Now that we've exchanged insults, it is time for us to talk." Admiral 2c1b2t rubbed a claw against his chest and looked over at his aide. He said, "This is a strange creature. They start conversations by exchanging insults." "What do you expect of a creature that is so ugly?" the aide asked. "True," Admiral 2c1b2t said. Ignoring the continued comments about his appearance, James said, "I am Admiral James Kamp." Admiral 2c1b2t looked at the pink thing unable to believe that it claimed to be an admiral. He decided that these aliens had a different form of rank than the Chitiniodians. He said, "I am Admiral 2c1b2t." James was impressed that they had actually captured an admiral. He had assumed that the Chitiniodian was a captain. He said, "We found some of your food supplies in one of the disabled ships. We are bringing it here. You'll have something to eat soon." "I knew it. They are just trying to fatten us up so that they can eat us," Admiral 2c1b2t said waving his claws around in an aggressive combative manner. They weren't going to take him without a good fight. "It does sound like it," the aide said feeling a twinge of fear. He really didn't want to get eaten. "We won't eat. We would rather waste away to nothing than to give you the satisfaction of dining on our bodies," Admiral 2c1b2t said earning a dirty look from his aide. He didn't notice since his attention was on the ugly alien. "Okay," James replied wondering why they thought he was going to eat them. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "I don't care if you go hungry. I'm just trying to be a good host." "We won't eat," Admiral 2c1b2t repeated. He was a little curious as to why the alien thought that he was a horde. One individual didn't constitute a horde. "Speak for yourself. I'm hungry," the aide said. "You'll be the first one they eat," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Would you stop saying that," the aide said. Tired of listening to the two aliens bicker, James said, "We're not going to eat you. We are going to negotiate a #$%$ with you." "What is a #$%$?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked. "I don't know," the aide said waving his claws around in a surrender gesture. James frowned and turned off the microphone. He turned to the linguist and said, "Treaty didn't get translated right." "Their language doesn't have that word," the linguist answered after a minute of looking through the data on the computer. "How am I supposed to negotiate a treaty if they don't have a word for it?" James asked. "I don't know," the linguist answered. He scrolled through a couple of more pages of material and asked, "How about we use the word cooperative? It is a kind of thing they use to coordinate efforts among Lords." "I guess that would do," James said. "Okay," the linguist said before typing a bit on the keyboard. He looked up and said, "I made the changes." James turned to the room and said, "I am here to negotiate a cooperative with you." James waited for a reply. The two aliens were staring at him. He tapped on the glass and said, "Hello?" The two aliens continued to stare at him. He looked down and realized that he still had the microphone off. He turned it on and said, "Sorry about that." "Sorry about what?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked confused. He was convinced that this species was pretty rude and very stupid. If you added to that the fact that they were ugly, then the elimination of this species would do the universe a great favor. Waving a hand at them, James said, "Don't worry about it." The translation program conveyed the message, "Don't waste any cognitive energies cognizing on the subject at appendage distance." "I'm not sure that is a real sentence," the aide said confused. "They really are a stupid species," Admiral 2c1b2t said forgetting for the moment that this stupid species had just wiped out his entire navy. Ignoring the exchange, James said, "I am here to negotiate a cooperative with you." "Never. We will never have a cooperative with an alien species," Admiral 2c1b2t said. The whole idea of having a cooperative with an alien species was repugnant to him. He said, "We will destroy your species." "That might be a problem for you," James said. He had fully expected that answer. Every attempt by one of the Chitiniodian victims to negotiate a treat had failed. "Why?" James answered, "There is this really nasty alien species that has been destroying our space fleet. They are much better at fighting than your species. You don't want to be fighting both of us at the same time." "This is a trick," Admiral 2c1b2t said to his aide. No species was better at fighting than the Chitiniodians. They did nothing but fight aliens and they were always victorious. He said, "We are the best fighters in the galaxy." "I think you are right about this being some kind of trick," the aide said. He thought about it for a second and amended that a little. They hadn't done too well against this species. He said, "Well, these aliens seemed to be pretty good at fighting." "They were just lucky this time," Admiral 2c1b2t said feeling a little less confident. James said, "We're going to give you one of your shuttles so that you can go back to your leaders and tell them that we want a cooperative." "Never! The Chitiniodian Empire will never sign a cooperative with an alien species," Admiral 2c1b2t said. James continued to talk to the two aliens for another hour without achieving any significant gains. In fact, the conversation really went downhill when James had informed them that the Chitiniodian forces would have to be under his command. That seemed to really upset the two aliens. Tired of listening to words that wouldn't translate, James left the observation room to let the two aliens discuss the matter. As soon as he stepped out of the observation room, he was met by Cousin Itt and Ken. They had been watching the entire discussion. He said, "I would have to say that that went well." "You're kidding," Cousin Itt said. "No. They are very upset with us," James said. "You were there to tell them that we were being attacked by other aliens that were worse than them," Cousin Itt said. He hadn't understood that James was going to offer a peace treaty. He said, "All you talked about was a peace treaty." "No, I was talking about how horrible the other aliens were," James said. "All you talked about was the peace treaty," Cousin Itt said replaying the conversation in his mind. "That is what it looked like," James said nodding his head. "I don't understand," Cousin Itt said. Ken said, "He just let them know that we were weak and vulnerable because of a bigger meaner threat than the Chitiniodians. He did it after having soundly defeated them in battle." "Oh," Cousin Itt said. He would have just told the Chitiniodians that they were fighting a horrible enemy. Shaking his head, James asked, "Do you know what the most disturbing thing about that entire conversation was?" There were a lot of disturbing things about the conversation. Most notably was the fact that the aliens refused to even consider any kind of treaty. Knowing James, Ken was pretty sure that wasn't what bothered him the most. He answered, "No." "They thought I was ugly," James said with a look of disbelief on his face. "You are," Ken said laughing at James. "Yes. Humans are actually quite repulsive. You look like you have mange. It is no wonder that you cover your hairless bodies with clothes all of the time," Cousin Itt said. There was a lot of speculation among the servant races as to what humans looked like under their clothing. Ken and James turned to look at the Dromat surprised to hear that it considered them repulsive looking. Recovering first, James smiled and said, "You have it all wrong. That isn't the real reason why we cover our bodies like this." "What is the real reason?" Cousin Itt said. There were only two reasons to wear clothes: to protect the wearer from the environment and to cover ugliness. With the controlled climate on board the ship there was no reason for protective wear other than to cover ugliness. "It is so that we don't have sex more frequently," James said with a smile. The Dromat's mouth turned into an oval which was the expression of shock. Chuckling at the shocked look on the Dromat's face, Ken said, "That's right. We wear clothes so that we look uglier to each other. Without our clothes, we'd be having sex every hour." "That's impossible," the Dromat said with a shake of his body. No species could possibly mate that frequently. "Not at all. At the sight of a naked woman, the males of our species are ready to mate. Without clothes, we'd never get anything done," James said. Cousin Itt said, "I think you are trying to magic me." "You can ask our Quatyl," James said grinning at the use of the word magic to mean mislead. "They'll tell you what happens when we remove our clothes," Ken said. ------- Chapter 29 Wearing a spacesuit, James entered the huge structure that held the remains of two Planet Busters. The Dactites were swarming over the two ships doing the kinds of things that Dactites enjoyed doing. Ken floated over to him and said, "They've removed the computers." "That is good," James said looking over in the direction of the ships with envy. So far, the best time he had in space was when he was trying to interface to the computer with the help of the Dactites and Dromat. "We've gotten some very good data," Ken said. "That's nice," James said knowing that he wouldn't get to see any of it until a hundred people had prepared it for him. "We found a ten foot tall ape," Ken said. "Oh," James said with a frown. He wondered what an ape would be doing here. "You aren't listening to a word I'm saying to you," Ken said. "I am. You've removed some computers, found some data, and discovered a ten foot tall ape," James said. "What's the matter?" Ken asked. "I don't get to do anything that is fun," James said. He gestured to the wreckage and said, "I'd love to be over there going through the electronics and stuff." "You're just a geek at heart," Ken said. James replied, "That's right." Ken looked around and said, "Get over there. I'll tell everyone you're in an important meeting." "Second Lieutenant Powell won't be too happy about that," James said. "Second Lieutenant Powell?" James said, "I gave him a raise." "You mean a promotion," Ken said. "Right," James said looking over at the wreck. "Does he know?" Ken asked wishing that he could see the expression on James' face. Unfortunately the helmet hid his face from view. "Not yet," James answered, "I figured I would have him write a memo to that effect." "I'd love to see his face when you tell him that," Ken said shaking his head. He was going to have to explain to James how things are done. It dawned on him that James may not have followed procedure. He'd have to look into it. "I'll make sure you're there when I do it," James said still looking over at the wreck. "Go on and get over there," Ken said realizing that he only had half of James's attention. James went over to the ship that had held the admiral they had captured and joined the Dactites that were working in the area. For the next four hours, he poked and prodded various parts of the ship. There weren't any surprises until he noticed that there was a weird periodic glow to one of the space suits worn by one of the Dactites. The glow was so weak that it was almost unnoticeable. James floated over to the Dactite and, using the short-range radio, said, "Stand right there and don't move." "Yes, sir," the Dactite said. James called out, "Would someone turn off the lights?" After a minute the lights went out. James told the Dactite, "Move to your right a half a step." The Dactite moved as instructed and the weird glow stopped. James said, "Move to your left a half a step." Confused by the instructions, the Dactite did what he was told to do. The weird periodic glow returned. James said, "Move to your left another half a step." The weird glow increased when the Dactite moved. Excited, James grabbed the Dactite and moved him around a little at a time until he discovered the source of the light that was causing the glow. The Dactite wasn't exactly thrilled with the process. After a few minutes, James exclaimed, "There's some equipment here that is still operating." That little announcement brought a dozen Dactites over to investigate. There in the middle of the console was a small light that was flashing in the ultraviolet. It was only because of an unusual property of the Dactite spacesuit that they were able to see it. One of the Dactites said, "We have to see what this does." For the next hour, James and the Dactites traced down the circuit. It was a difficult task, but they discovered that the wires led to a device that was attached to something that looked like an antenna. One of the Dactites hooked up a probe to the device. Excited, it said, "This looks like it is receiving data from somewhere." "It does, doesn't it?" James said looking at the output. He started to trace one of the output wires but realized that he was too large to follow it to its destination. He pointed to the wire and said, "Trace this to its destination." One of the Dactites climbed into the cabinet and traced the wire. It terminated on a computer. It didn't take the Dactite very long to hook up an adaptor that allowed their computer to receive the data. It took Ken an hour to track down James. He said, "James, it is time to go." "No," James replied absently. He didn't bother to even look up from the computer. "You have a meeting that can't be rescheduled," Ken said. "Reschedule it," James said. He felt that he was just a few minutes away from getting a handle on the data that was streaming through the feed. Without looking away, he said, "We need a Dromat." One of the Dactites ran off to find a Dromat. ------- The brain trust was gathered around the table waiting for James to arrive. They had been waiting for days to have an after action report about the engagement with the enemy, but James had kept postponing the meeting. Everyone there knew that the battle had not gone exactly as envisioned despite the fact that they had won. The act of ramming the umbrellas had taken everyone by surprise and that concerned them. They were hoping that James could explain what happened. Ten minutes late to the meeting, James entered the room and took his seat at the head of the table. He looked around at the members of the brain trust wondering what the purpose of the meeting was. Deciding that he would discover the purpose at some point, he said, "Let's get this show on the road." Used to the odd vernacular that James often employed, Cousin Itt asked, "Have you had a chance to study the battle?" James wiggled his head from side to side and answered, "Somewhat." The Anticore member of the brain trust, Captain Monroe asked, "Somewhat?" "Yeah," James said. The fact was that he hadn't given the battle a single thought ever since they had found the operational computer that was still receiving data over the antenna. Captain Beac asked, "What is your opinion?" "About what?" "About the battle," Captain Beac said. James smiled broadly and answered, "We won." Whip said, "We know that. We were just a little concerned that the battle didn't go the way we thought it would." Captain Monroe said, "We wondered about the attempt to ram our umbrellas. It wouldn't have been good for us if they had decided to ram our ship." "Yeah, that was kind of surprising," James said a little distracted. He had forgotten all about that. He scratched his cheek for a second before he said, "It makes you wonder what other kinds of surprises we'll encounter." There was a long moment of silence around the table. Finally, Cousin Itt broke the silence and said, "You haven't given any thought to the battle." "I've been kind of busy," James said. Well aware that James had been working on something with some of his people, Fixit said, "I know that you've been spending a lot of time on the captured ship. When I asked what you were doing, my people said that it was secret." "Yes, it is a secret," James said nodding his head. "What were you doing?" Cousin Itt asked. "That's a secret," James said. Ken rubbed his forehead and said, "James." "What?" "You're supposed to be sharing your discovery with us so that we can start planning the next engagement," Ken said with a frown. "I haven't finished discovering everything yet," James said wishing that he was back in the captured ship. They had discovered a whole lot of neat equipment that they were still trying to reverse engineer. Fixit asked, "What have you discovered so far?" "Well, we've got a real-time feed as to the position of all of their ships," James answered. A dozen pair of eyes all turned to stare at James. Even without much of a military history, every race around the table understood the significance of that little announcement. Unable to believe that James hadn't mentioned it as soon as he had discovered that little fact, Ken asked, "We do?" "Yeah. They got a bunch of ships spread all over the place," James said. "How many ships?" Captain Monroe asked. His little claws were making clicks which were a sign of extreme nervousness. "A bunch," James answered. He hadn't bothered to count them. "That isn't very exact," Cousin Itt said. "We only have to worry about ten thousand of them at the moment," James said. "Only ten thousand?" Whip echoed. Captain Monroe asked, "Why do we have to worry about them?" "They are all headed our way," James answered. He looked around the room and said, "You'd think they were heading for a fire the way they are moving." Captain Beac asked, "When will they get here?" "In about ten years. We're pretty lucky that space is so big," James answered holding his arms far apart while emphasizing the size of the universe. Seeing that they were all just staring at him, he reached over to the keyboard that was built into the table and punched a few keys. A display appeared in the center of the table. He said, "See. There's a bunch of them and they are all headed our way." "A bunch?" Ken said weakly. It looked like thousands army ants were headed in their direction. It reminded him of a cartoon depiction of a swarm of hornets chasing someone. The entire room stared at the image in stunned silence. There were at least a thousand arrows pointed in their direction with numbers beside each arrow. James nodded his head and said, "Yeah. At least we know what they are planning." "We do?" Captain Monroe asked. James shrugged his shoulders and answered, "Sure. We listened to their planning session." "We did?" "I didn't mention that we were able to tap into their communications network?" James asked looking around the room. "No you didn't," Ken said. He should have known better than to leave James alone for so long. "Bad me. I really do need to get some sleep," James said. He had taken a few catnaps over the past few days, but it wasn't really enough sleep. "What are they planning?" James played with the keyboard for a moment. Six of the arrows changed colors. He pointed at them and then said, "Those are the forces under Lord 3b. He's consolidating his fleets while moving in this direction. It will take them about ten years to get here at the speed they are moving." "Who is Lord 3b?" Chunky asked. James answered, "He's the boss of Admiral 2c1b2t." "Ah," Chunky said. James punched a few more keys and about a tenth of the arrows changed colors. He said, "That's the fleet of Overlord 1c. He's consolidating his fleets and will be here in about twenty-five years. He'll be coming with about sixty thousand ships." "Sixty thousand ships?" James typed for a moment and a spot appeared. He pointed to it and said, "That's where we'll meet the fleet of Lord 3b for our first engagement with them. It is going to be so much fun." "Fun?" ------- "Lieutenant Powell," James called out through his office door. "Yes, sir." "I need you to take a letter for me," James said. He leaned down to where Starman was curled under the corner of his desk and whispered, "I bet he's going to be surprised." Lieutenant Powell entered the room and looked at James' desk. Not seeing a letter anywhere, he asked, "Where is it?" "Where's what?" James asked. "The letter," Lieutenant Powell answered. "I was going to dictate it to you," James said looking over at the young man. "You were going to do what?" Lieutenant Powell asked wondering if he had misunderstood something. "I was going to dictate it to you," James said. "Why not dictate it to your computer?" Lieutenant Powell asked puzzled by the request. All of the computers he had ever worked with had the ability to take dictation. "It isn't the same thing," James said looking down at his computer. Lieutenant Powell said, "I don't know how to do that." "I think it is pretty easy. I talk and you write down what I say. When I'm done talking then you go into your office and type it up," James said. "Why can't I type it while you talk?" Lieutenant Powell asked. He wondered if this was some kind of joke. If it was, he clearly wasn't getting the punch line. "You're supposed to write it down in shorthand," James said. "What's that?" Lieutenant Powell asked. James frowned and said, "I'm not sure." "Why don't you just type it?" Lieutenant Powell asked. To be quite honest, that question stumped James. He stared at Lieutenant Powell for a minute and then said, "Because I'm an Admiral." "You type your own letters all of the time," Lieutenant Powell said. There was a sound from the Slathern that sounded a lot like a laugh. James leaned over to look at Starman and said, "That's enough of that." "I guess we can try it," Lieutenant Powell said noticing that James was beginning to look a little irritated. "Okay. I'm ready," James said sitting up straight while clasping his hands together on the desk. "I need to get a pen and paper," Lieutenant Powell said. "Okay," James said. When Lieutenant Powell left the room he leaned over to Starman and said, "This isn't going well." "You think?" Starman replied. ------- Admiral 2c1b2t stomped around the room. He was very hungry and that tended to leave him in a bad mood. His aide was in the corner furtively eating one of the packaged meals that had been delivered by their captors. Glaring at his aide, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "That's it. Eat and get fat so that you'll be the first one they eat." "Stop saying that," the aide said. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Where is that ugly creature? It has been a dozen thrums since he made that ludicrous proposal." "I don't know," the assistant said. He took another bite out of the ration. It might have seemed like a coincidence, but at that very moment the wall turned transparent. Of course, the reason it wasn't a coincidence was that the Admiral and his assistant had that same conversation every five minutes so that the odds of James showing up in the midst of the discussion were pretty good. Admiral 2c1b2t looked at James and said, "That ugly stupid creature is back." "You aren't the brightest bulb in the bunch," James replied. The translation program had a few problems with that sentence. The translation that the two Chitiniodians heard was, "You are not the most luminous root in the closely gathered together." "What?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked looking over at his aide. "I think he just compared you to a plant," the assistant said puzzled by the comparison. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "They have a very strange way of phrasing an insult." "What do you expect from something so ugly?" his aide asked. James listened to the conversation and shook his head. He was truly astounded that they considered him ugly. He said, "Now that we've gotten the insults out of the way, it is time to discuss the cooperative." "We will never sign a cooperative with you," Admiral 2c1b2t said. James was about to reply when Ken walked into the room and saluted him. Ken said, "Admiral, I have news from the front." "What news?" James asked. "The enemy destroyed another of our fleets," Ken answered. James frowned and asked, "How many of the Kryptonite ships did we destroy?" "Two," Ken answered. "A hundred of our ships were only able to destroy two of their ships?" James asked. Ken glanced over at the two Chitiniodians and said, "We probably shouldn't let them hear this." "You're right," James said. He reached down and turned off the microphone. Admiral 2c1b2t watched the pair of humans talking. Turning to his aide, he said, "They lost a battle." "Who are the Kryptonites?" the aide asked. "I don't know," Admiral 2c1b2t answered. He clicked his claws against his carapace for a second. The aide said, "It must be that fearsome enemy he was talking about." "I suspect that you're correct," Admiral 2c1b2t said watching James and Ken. The ugly creatures were waving their appendages around wildly in a manner that suggested to him that they were rather excited about something. The aide was silent for a moment and then said, "A very bad thought just came to me." "What?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked. "Those Kryptonites just destroyed a hundred of their ships," the aide said. He sharpened his claw against his carapace and then added, "It kind of makes you wonder how many of our ships one of those Krytonites could destroy." "We're the best fighters in the universe. I'm sure that we'll be able to deal with those Kryptonites," Admiral 2c1b2t replied. "We've got to deal with these pink ugly things first," the aide said. "There is that," Admiral 2c1b2t said. ------- Chapter 30 "I don't like this," the aide said. He stuck his head through the door, and peered down the empty hallway suspiciously. The door of their prison had opened five full thrums earlier, and then nothing. No one had entered the prison room. "It is our chance to escape," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "They are going to eat us," the aide said. "We can at least fight back," Admiral 2c1b2t replied. "They are ugly pink fleshy things. You can't trust ugly pink fleshy things. This is a trap," the aide said. "We're already trapped," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "I don't trust them," the aide said. He was waiting for one of the ugly creatures to show up. His fertile imagination provided images of his head being removed and then his body eaten in a most gruesome manner. He looked around wildly with the expectation of an immediate attack. Pink fleshy things were not to be trusted. "Who said anything about trusting them? I want to go fight them," Admiral 2c1b2t said. He flexed his claws in anticipation of a good fight. He felt this would be his best chance to hurt the enemy. "I'm a bureaucrat, not a fighter," his aide said. "You're a Chitiniodian. You should be willing to die eliminating another ugly species from space," Admiral 2c1b2t said. The aide said, "I don't like this." "I don't care. Let's get out of here," Admiral 2c1b2t said. The two Chitiniodians stepped into the hallway. The admiral stepped out confidently looking forward to a good fight. The aide followed behind thinking that he was starting to get hungry. They both jumped when the door closed behind them. The aide said, "I knew it! It is a trap." "We were in a holding cell. That's already a trap. Now we can fight," Admiral 2c1b2t said disgusted by his aide's attitude towards the situation. A door at the end of the hallway opened. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "There's an open door down there. Check it out." "No," the aide said. "Go look through the door," the admiral said. "No." Admiral 2c1b2t said, "I'm not going to tell you a third time." "If you want to know what is over there, you check it out," the aide said. All of this talk about fighting translated into talk about dying as far as the aide was concerned. He was more than willing to hang back. Admiral 2c1b2t scuttled to the end of the hallway. He filled his air sacks and then jumped through the door. He landed in an aggressive posture that would allow him to immediately respond to any attack. There wasn't one. Searching for an enemy to attack, he looked around at his surroundings. A Chitiniodian shuttle was parked just a few steps away. The door of the shuttle was open. He stared at the shuttle wondering how it had come to be there. He wasn't curious enough to spend too much time trying to solve that puzzle. He called out, "Come on. There's a shuttle here." "I don't trust them," the aide said entering the large room. He had decided that he would rather be with the admiral than alone in the hallway. The door closed behind him. He jumped around to face the door with his claws brought up in the natural defensive posture of his species. It was one of the first times in his life that he had adopted that posture. "Let's get in the shuttle," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "You go first," the aide said. Admiral 2c1b2t entered the shuttle. His aide followed him in. The admiral said, "Close the hatch." "Shouldn't we make sure there aren't any traps first?" the aide asked. "Just close the hatch," Admiral 2c1b2t said. The aide punched the control for the door and watched while it closed. He crouched down expecting the shuttle to explode. After several clicks passed, he relaxed a little. "The hatch is closed," he announced stating the obvious. When he didn't get an answer, he turned to look at the admiral. Much to his surprise, he was alone. His first thought was that one of the ugly pink things had grabbed the admiral while his back was turned. "Where are you?" the aide asked frantically. "I'm in the cockpit," the Admiral answered. The aide reached the cockpit just in time to hear the radio announce, "Hello, Admiral Ugly." Glaring at the screen that showed the ugly pink thing, Admiral 2c1b2t poked the button for the radio, and then asked, "Who are you calling ugly?" "You," James said smiling into the camera. He waved. "You are the ugliest species in the universe," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Great. Have we traded enough insults to get down to business?" James asked. The aide looked over the admirals arm joint at the communications device. There was a visual feed so he could see the creature at the other end. He said, "That sure is an ugly looking creature." James looked off camera and said, "I'll get to it. We're still trading insults. In case you didn't know it, this is called diplomacy. You can't get down to business until all of the proper greetings have been exchanged." Admiral 2c1b2t turned to his aide and asked, "Who is he talking to?" "I don't know," the aide answered. "He sure is stupid," the admiral said. James looked back at the camera and said, "Look who's talking. You're a couple cards short of a full deck." The translation device rendered that as, "You are a few slips of paper, marked with rankings, smaller than the top of a battle ship filled with something." The admiral and his aide looked at each other blankly. Admiral 2c1b2t asked, "What does that mean?" "Who knows what that idiot is babbling?" his aide answered. "Was that an insult?" Admiral 2c1b2t asked. James answered, "Yes." "I thought so," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "I can come up with some others, it you'd like," James said. "I've got a ton of insults." "Never mind," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "I'll save them for later," James said. "Thank you," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "You're welcome." The two admirals stared at each other over the audio-video feed. Finally, James asked, "Are we done insulting each other?" "I guess," Admiral 2c1b2t answered. "Good. I've uploaded the details of the cooperative to your computer. I'd appreciate it if you would deliver it to your superior," James said. Admiral 2c1b2t turned to his aide and said, "He's still talking about a cooperative with us." "Just tell him you'll do it so that we can get out of here. I'm getting hungry," the aide said. Admiral 2c1b2t said, "Be quiet. You think with your stomach." "It is my best feature," the aide said rubbing his claw across his abdominal plate. Turning to the communication device, Admiral 2c1b2t said, "I'll deliver your proposal, but I can tell you that we'll never enter into a cooperative with an ugly species like yours." "You would enter into a cooperative with a pretty species?" James asked. "No," Admiral 2c1b2t answered. He hadn't expected that question. "I could paint my face blue so that it matches your shell," James said. "Why?" "So you might think I was prettier," James answered. "The only thing uglier than an ugly pink fleshy thing is an ugly blue fleshy thing," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "I'll keep that thought in mind," James said. The aide said, "Like he has a mind to keep that thought in." "Probably has to forget his name to make room for it," Admiral 2c1b2t said. "Run along now. We'll see you in ten years," James said. ------- James watched the monitor showing the shuttle moving off into the deep dark reaches of space. He was petting Starman who was nestled in his arms. The Quatyl was purring contentedly. Sounding like his feelings were hurt, James said, "I don't think that Admiral liked me." "Why do you say that?" Starman asked. Ken stared at James. There was a little matter of having destroyed the Chitiniodian battle fleet. That might explain some of the Admiral's attitude. "I don't think that exchanging insults is something you'd do with a friend," James answered. Ken said, "I thought I told you that trading insults isn't in the diplomatic manual." "I was being polite. He started the conversation with an insult. I have to assume that is how they greet each other," James said. Ken said, "I don't think there is ever a situation in which an insult is acceptable." "James does that all of the time with me," Starman asked. Ken asked, "Does what?" "He insults me. He calls me crazy," Starman said. "Well, that's because you are crazy," James said. "Why do you say that?" Starman asked. "I know for a fact that you have a shaky grasp of reality," James said. "You can't be serious. If there is anyone here who has a shaky grasp of reality, it is you! The whole galaxy agrees that you don't have any kind of grasp of reality," Starman said. Ken said, "Starman is right about that." "You think I'm your pet. That's proof enough to me that you aren't all there," James said. "You are my pet," Starman said. James said, "I had the chef set aside some apple sauce." "Apple sauce?" Starman said getting a little excited at the chance to have a little treat. "Will you roll over for some apple sauce?" James asked. "Hold on a minute! You're just trying to get me to do some stupid pet tricks," Starman said. "No," James said looking around innocently. "Yes you are," Starman said. Changing the subject, James said, "I hope they like the surprise I left them." "What did you do?" Ken asked suspiciously. ------- Feeling hungry, the aide opened the food locker to check the supplies. Everything looked normal except for a small can with strange writing on it. Curious, he picked it up to examine it better. He shook it, but heard nothing inside. A huge spring-loaded snake leapt out when he opened it. Five thrums later, the Admiral found his aide on the floor unconscious. ------- Incomplete and Inactive ------- Posted: 2007-05-09 Last Modified: 2010-12-27 / 11:06:46 am ------- http://storiesonline.net/ -------