Storiesonline.net ------- Lawyers in Love by Lazlo Zalezac Copyright© 2009 by Lazlo Zalezac ------- Description: Lawyers go out on dates just like normal people or do they? Things are a little different when the lawyer is an Anders. Codes: MF rom ------- ------- Chapter 1 Michael Winthrop, senior partner of prestigious law firm Winthrop, Michener, and Hoot, sat behind his large polished wood desk watching the newest lawyer to the firm squirm. He felt that starting lawyers should be given either a soft case that was difficult to mess up or a hard case that was impossible to win. For young lawyers with lots of promise he felt that the latter option was the best way to test their character. Jared Wilmot, normally quite confident, was feeling particularly nervous about this meeting. He had been with the law firm for several months without being assigned a case. This was unusual for a recent graduate of that most prestigious of institutions, Harvard Law School. He had graduated at the top of his class and had expected to be thrown into the legal arena very quickly. Waiting months for a real assignment was not a good sign for a great career. It made him wonder if he had done something to anger one of the partners and now he had been called into the office of one of the senior partners. Michael cleared his throat before he said, "Jared, I've been waiting for the right kind of case to give you. One of our clients dropped a big one on us and I'm assigning it to you." "Excellent," Jared replied. "You won't think so by the time you're done with this assignment," Michael said. He stared at the manila folder on the desk that contained his notes on the initial consultation with the client. It was bad; real bad. "I'll win it," Jared said confidently. "No you won't," Michael said. He opened the manila folder and said, "Your client is Mr. Benedict Flanders. He owns a prosthetics company that is worth about a hundred million dollars. I'll be satisfied if you get him out of this situation with a million dollars left in his name." "You're kidding," Jared said. It was his opinion that someone worth that much money was basically untouchable. Michael said, "It is actually two cases. The first case is a divorce that was filed on the grounds of adultery. Our client was filmed in the act — not once but dozens of times. I shouldn't say that he was filmed in the act. The idiot made video tapes of his indiscretions." "That's bad," Jared said. "The second case has been brought by ten of his so-called lovers. The idiot told them to put out or get out with the latter option accompanied by a work recommendation that would assure they would never get a job in the prosthetics industry. The private detective has video and audio recordings of him actually saying it." "I'm sure that we can discredit the plaintiffs. Everyone has a skeleton or two in their closet," Jared said. His father had often told him that winning was everything and not everything was as clear cut as the evidence might suggest. "If you try that you'll end up chasing ambulances for the rest of your life," Michael said. "Why do you say that?" Jared asked. "You'll be going up against K. Anders. I don't know anything about him, but he's an Anders and will bury you if you try to discredit the plaintiffs," Michael said. "An Anders?" "In the entire history of this firm, we've never won a case against any lawyer in the Anders family. The best that we've done is to negotiate to a tie. Based on what I see here, we won't win this one," Michael said. "I was first in my class at Harvard Law School," Jared said. He was also a third generation lawyer and felt that it gave him an advantage. When in doubt, he could talk to his father or grandfather. With their years of experience they would point him in the proper direction. "So was I and I've never beaten an Anders in court," Michael said in disgust. "Ah," Jared said. Michael said, "Don't let this case get to court." ------- Jared sat at his desk waiting to be told of the arrival of K. Anders. He had discussed the fact that he was going up against an Anders with his father. The reaction of his father was almost identical to that of Michael. His advice had been to spend every waking hour preparing the case and expect to lose anyway. His grandfather's advice was even more succinct; give the case to someone else. He was idly staring out the door when the receptionist walked past looking over her shoulder. A young boy wearing a Brook's Brothers suit walked past carrying an Armani briefcase. Jared said, "What the hell?" The boy was followed by an exceptionally attractive woman wearing a woman's suit and carrying a briefcase. Jared snorted and said, "This is absurd. Their lawyer is ten years old. The little tyke even brought his mommy along in case I make him cry." A couple of minutes later, the receptionist knocked on the door. She smiled at Jared and said, "Your ten o'clock is here. I put them in the conference room." "Thank you," Jared said while rising from his chair. He collected his notes and headed out the door. Jared entered the room and got his first good view of the woman who had accompanied the kid. He was struck by her beauty. She had dark brown hair; almost the color of dark chocolate. Her lips were thick and sensuous. Her body was lush and full. He thought to himself, "Be still my beating heart, I've got a little kid to crush and she's not going to like it." The woman stood when Jared entered the room. She held out a hand and said, "I'm Karen Anders. You must be Jared Wilmot." It suddenly dawned on him that K. Anders was not a male. Taking her hand in his, Jared said, "It is a pleasure to meet you. May I enquire as to the identity of the young man with you?" "This young man is my cousin Timmy Anders. I'm supervising him today since his parents are busy negotiating a union contract," Karen answered. Jared looked at the boy and said, "Is that a fancy way of saying that you are babysitting him?" "Yes. His parents would have taken him with them but they felt that all of the cigar smoke would stunt his growth. You know how union contract negotiations are," Karen answered. She looked at her hand and added, "You can let go of my hand now." "Sorry," Jared said releasing her hand. She had soft hands that felt right in his. He looked at Timmy and said, "I'm not sure that having a child in the room is a good idea. Young children get bored and become disruptive." Timmy tapped the table with a finger and looked at Karen. He asked, "May I?" She answered, "Yes." "According to the supervisory contract that exists between Ms. Anders and me, there are financial repercussions in the event that I misbehave. According to section 1.1.1 of said contract, I am to be given a warning if my behavior becomes out of line as dictated in sections 1.1.1.1 through 1.1.1.20. If I continue to misbehave after the warning, then I become financially liable to the extent of two weeks income for the first infraction with increases in financial liability for subsequent infractions according to the terms set forth in section 1.1.2," Timmy said. "You have a contract with your babysitter?" Jared asked staring at Timmy as if he was from another planet. "Of course I do. It is a standard supervisory contract used by everyone in the Anders family. I am confident that you are well aware of the reasons for having a contract in which the interests of both parties are clearly articulated along with penalties for breaches of the terms of the contract," Timmy said. "Yes, I am," Jared answered. He wondered what kind of family created contracts with children. "So if you become a nuisance, you lose your allowance for two weeks. What is that - five dollars?" "My allowance is two dollars a week. My income is closer to twenty dollars a week," Timmy answered. He added, "I have investments." "I'm sure you do," Jared said staring at the boy. Opening his briefcase, Timmy asked, "Would you like to read the contract to assure that the limits placed on my behavior are within boundaries acceptable to you?" "That won't be necessary," Jared said. "How old are you?" "I'm ten." Karen said, "If that little bit of business is concluded, let us get to work." "Have a seat," Jared said while gesturing in the direction of the chair. He walked around the table and waited for Karen to sit. Once she had taken her seat, he sat down and opened his manila folder with notes. "I'd like to deal with the divorce first," Karen said. "We are contesting the grounds for the divorce," Jared said. He glanced over at Timmy and noticed that the young man was taking copious notes. "It is an open and shut case. Your client clearly engaged in adultery," Karen said. "We are countersuing for a divorce based on mental cruelty. It was the actions of your client that drove our client to those actions," Jared said. He passed a sheet of paper over to Karen. Karen read the sheet of paper for a minute. Frowning, she said, "I doubt these charges would hold up in court." "We will just have to see about that," Jared replied. Karen said, "My client is willing to settle for a no fault divorce with equal distribution of assets." "I will have to see if my client is amenable to that although I would recommend that he not accept that deal at the current time," Jared said with a smile. "You would recommend that your client allow this to go to court and have the video evidence of his indiscretions made public?" Karen asked incredulous at the suggestion. "Yes," Jared answered. "Why?" Jared looked over at Timmy and noticed that the boy was watching him like an eagle. He turned back to Karen and smiled. He answered, "My client owns those videos since he was the one who made them. You are going to have to petition that my client turn those videos over to the court. Once they become a matter of public record my client can sell them on the internet and recover any money lost in the divorce." "I would personally bring a lawsuit against you on behalf of the women in those videos," Karen said. "I would argue that it would be your client who violated their rights by bringing those videos into the public record," Jared said. "You would lose." "We would let the courts decide that," Jared said. "Those women already have sexual harassment suits against your client. I'll make it a condition of the settlement that your client turn over all copies of those videos," Karen said. "In order to prevent release of those videos, you'll have to settle the harassment suits before the divorce comes to court," Jared said with a smile. It was important that the suits be resolved in the proper order. "We'd press criminal blackmail and coercion charges," Karen said upping the stakes. She really hadn't expected this approach and was scrambling to recover. "You could do that, but you would probably not be successful. The videos would still become public record, although my client wouldn't be able to make any money off of them. My client would fight it and in the process all of the details of the case would become public. The newspapers would probably have a field day with it. The net value of his company would drop to zero. My client would end up in jail, his ex-wife would end up with a worthless company, and the ten women suing him would get nothing out of the deal. Everyone loses," Jared said. "You're a tricky bastard," Karen said sitting back in her chair. She had to respect his maneuvering on behalf of his client. Her plan had been to get the divorce settled first with him losing half of his assets. That would be followed by settling the law suits to get the remainder of his money. "He's good," Timmy said under his breath. "Thank you," Jared said. He knew that he had managed to avoid the major pitfalls the various lawsuits represented. He slid a sheet of paper across the table and said, "Here is what I propose." Karen glanced over the terms offered. They actually represented the best deal for everyone involved. Impressed, she said, "I'll have to discuss this with my clients." "I thought you would," Jared said. Karen asked, "Would you really have advised your client to sell the videos on the internet?" "I would have given my client the best legal advice possible," Jared answered without giving a concrete answer. "There's case law arguing both sides of the matter. I refer to the famous case of Phule vs. Nutters." "I would counter with Jerkins vs. Perkins. That argues against your case," Karen said. "That's true, but the courts are a little more liberal now," Jared replied. "You would probably lose the case in front of a jury, but you might have won it in appeal. Although that would depend upon the judge," Karen said. "Are you sure your client would have been willing to risk that? "Even if I lost in appeal, it would be a great case to argue in the Supreme Court," Jared said. "That's true," Karen said. She felt herself get hot at the idea of arguing a case in front of the Supreme Court. Letting his eyes travel over her body, Jared said, "I bet you and I could stretch these cases out to ten years." "At least," Karen said with a smile. She licked her lips seductively. Timmy tapped the table with his fingernail. Karen looked over at him and said, "What?" "I'd like to point out section 2.3.1 of the supervisory contract. You are on the verge of violating it by engaging in meaningless small talk after business has been concluded," Timmy said. Karen said, "We are entering an area of negotiations covered by section 2.3.2 of the contract." "Ah! If I am willing to stay here you must pay a penalty as specified in section 2.3.2.1," Timmy said. "I know that," Karen said. Timmy said. "He meets with my approval. You owe me an ice cream sundae." "Agreed," Karen said. Timmy said, "Continue. I will try to identify a suitable representative for him in the upcoming negotiations." "What negotiations?" Jared asked puzzled by the exchange. Karen ignored the question. Instead of answering, she asked, "Are you a Republican or a Democrat?" "Democrat," Jared answered. "So am I," Karen said. "I'm a Republican," Timmy said. Seeing the look that Jared gave him, he added, "I have investments." Jared and Karen made small talk for a half an hour. Timmy checked his wrist watch periodically. At the top of the hour, he tapped on the table with his finger and said, "I hate to interrupt, but we have an appointment at Benedict and Geraldine's for an ice cream sundae." Karen checked her watch and said, "You're right." "I know," Timmy said closing his briefcase. Karen gathered her material and said, "I'll be in touch with you later in the week with my clients' reply to your offer." "I look forward to it," Jared said. Timmy asked, "Cousin Karen, are you willing to pursue a merger?" "Yes," Karen answered after looking over at Jared. "May I have the honor of representing you in the upcoming negotiations?" Timmy asked. "Yes," Karen answered with a smile. "I suggest that we have cousin Mercedes represent the other party," Timmy said looking over at Jared. "I would like to see you and Cousin Mercedes negotiate a merger. That ought to be interesting," Karen said. Timmy said, "Cousin Mercedes will enjoy the chance to learn from the best." "I'm sure she would say the same about you," Karen said. ------- Michael Winthrop looked over the proposed agreement. Impressed, he said, "If you manage to pull this off, it will be a real coup. I think this is the best deal we've ever gotten against an Anders." "I got the impression that Karen Anders would support it to her clients," Jared said. "K. Anders is a woman?" Michael asked. "Yes. She's a very attractive woman," Jared said. Michael looked thoughtful for a moment. He asked, "She didn't mention anything about a merger, did she?" "Yes," Jared answered. "You poor bastard." ------- Chapter 2 The exchange of offers and counteroffers had been fast and furious over the course of a month, but an agreement had been reached. Benedict Flanders would end up retaining twenty percent of the company he had started although he would be relegated to a minor board position without significant contact with employees. The former Mrs. Flanders ended up with thirty percent of the company while the ten sexual harassment victims ended up with five percent each. It was a far better deal than anyone had expected. Benedict read over the agreements with a frown. Shrugging his shoulders, he said, "It is a lot better than Michael had predicted." "It is a better deal than you deserved considering how much evidence against yourself you collected," Jared said. "I sure didn't expect that Sanders woman to bring in an army of private investigators," Benedict said. Things had been going so well until she had called in Ables Investigations. "You're lucky that her family didn't take you to Afghanistan," Jared said. "Why do you say that?" Benedict asked. "She's related to the founder of Black Ice," Jared said. "That's a nasty bunch," Benedict said realizing just how lucky he was. "Very nasty," Jared said in agreement. He asked, "You brought in all copies of the videos?" "Yes. They are all in that box," Benedict answered gesturing to a box on the desk. "You didn't keep any copies for your personal enjoyment?" "No, I didn't," Benedict said. He smirked. "You're aware that if a copy is found that the penalty will cost you the rest of your share of the company," Jared said. "I'm aware of that," Benedict said. Jared slid a pen across the desk and said, "Sign all of the agreements." Benedict signed the agreements and left the office a much poorer man than when he had entered. He now had to go about the unpleasant process of establishing a new residence. It was a lot better than being completely broke. Jared put the papers together in eleven neat packets to be handed over to Karen. While putting the last one in the packet, he said, "That Karen is a fine looking woman. She is a damn good attorney, too. Now that this case is over, I'm going to ask her out." The telephone rang with the tone indicating that it was an internal call. He punched the button for the speaker phone and said, "This is Jared." "You're eleven o'clock appointment is here," the receptionist said. Smiling, Jared said, "Bring her into my office." He rose from his chair and moved toward the door to greet her. He reached the door just as Karen entered the room. He reached out a hand and said, "Hello." Karen took his hand and said, "Hello. I hope that we can clear this up quickly. I anticipate a lunch appointment at noon." "Ah. Let's get to it," Jared said a little disappointed that he wouldn't be able to extend the discussion. "The papers are in the envelopes over there. The videos are in the box." "Are you sure that these are all copies of the videos?" Karen asked while looking inside the box. "He assured me repeatedly that those were all copies of the videos," Jared answered. "Did you believe him?" "I'd rather not comment on that." "Well, Ables Investigations will discover the truth," Karen said with a grin. "You think very highly of them," Jared said. "They are my cousins," Karen said. She opened the first envelope and examined the contents. Satisfied that the documents were in proper form, she replaced them in the envelope. "Your cousins?" While checking the second envelope, Karen said, "Anders, Sanders, Ables, O'Tooles, O'Connors, and Connors are all Donaldsons. We are a big family." "It sounds like a big family," Jared said watching her like a hawk. When she leaned over the top edge of her lacy bra was just visible. While checking the third envelope, she said, "It is getting bigger every day." "You don't say," Jared commented. He wondered if her panties matched her bra. "Shelly O'Connor had a baby girl yesterday. We're expecting Laura Connor to have a baby today or tomorrow," Karen said. "That's a lot of babies," Jared said suddenly feeling a little uncomfortable about topic of conversation as a precursor to asking her out on a date. "Well, considering the size of the family and the fact that Donaldson women tend to have lots of kids, it is rare that a week goes by without a birth," Karen said. She looked in another envelope. "Every week," Jared said. The thought that there was a Donaldson getting pregnant every week went through his head. Karen looked up at him and winked. She said, "Just think about all of the practicing that takes place before the baby is conceived." "Practice is good," Jared mumbled unable to think of a more appropriate response. Images of practicing with Karen flashed through his mind. She looked at his crotch and said, "Donaldson women are particularly randy." "Randy is great," Jared echoed softly. It seemed to him that the higher functions of his brain were beginning to shut down. She leaned over to pick up another envelope. Her blouse opened a little more giving him a better peek at her black lace bra. A shiver went through his body. "Very randy," she said in a voice that was so hot it could boil water. "Wow," Jared said. Karen smiled at him and said, "It looks like everything is in good form." "You can say that again," Jared said. He was immediately disappointed when she sat up and destroyed the view he had been enjoying. "I'll see you later," Karen said. She picked up the packets and the box. Looking over her shoulder, she said, "Until later." "Later," Jared said. As soon as she left the office he adjusted his pants. He stumbled back to his desk and took a seat. The telephone rang. He pushed the button for the speakerphone and said, "Jared here." "Your eleven thirty appointment is here," the receptionist said. "I didn't know that I had an eleven thirty appointment," Jared said looking over at his appointment book. "Well, she's here and she's a real cutie," the receptionist said. "Send her in," Jared said curious about the identity of his visitor. He didn't have to wait long before she stopped outside of his door. A girl of about ten years of age entered his office. She was wearing a little business suit and carrying a briefcase. Handing him a business card, she said, "Hello, I'm Mercedes Anders. I'm here to represent you in the upcoming negotiations." "What upcoming negotiations?" Jared asked. Mercedes said, "It is my understanding that you are interested in pursuing a relationship that will end in a lifetime economic merger with my cousin Karen." "You mean I want to date her," Jared said. "Precisely," Mercedes answered. She opened her briefcase and pulled out a packet of papers. Handing them over to him, she said, "This is a standard Anders dating contract. Please look it over. If you have any questions, I'll be glad to answer them." Jared was having a hard time keeping from laughing. He had never heard of anything so ridiculous in his entire life. He glanced down at the contract and the urge to laugh died. He said, "According to this I'm prevented from having sexual contact with her until after the third date." "Yes. You'll notice that there are limits specified on physical contact for the first three dates. For example, the first date is limited to a good night kiss with touching limited to bare skin," Mercedes said. "Bare skin?" Jared asked. "You touch cloth and the chaperone will physically restrain you. You don't want the chaperone to restrain you," Mercedes answered. She said, "All of the obligations of the chaperone are fully specified in section 4.3.1." "So it is," Jared said looking down at that section of the document. He had never been on a chaperoned date before. He nodded his head and said, "At least if it is cold then I am allowed to help her out of her jacket." "Yes," Mercedes said. "You must remember that this contract has been developed and updated over three generations of Anders. All situations are covered. You'll notice that there are three pages of exit clauses in case that either of you choose to terminate the negotiations for a permanent merger." "Every contract needs an exit clause," Jared said. Mercedes said, "You might want to skim over the whole contract. I assure you that you are adequately protected by it." "I'm sure I am," Jared said. Feeling the lawyer within stirring, he said, "I'll still want to study it." "You might not want to take too long. Karen is waiting for you at the Branding Iron," Mercedes said. "The steak place?" Jared asked. "Yes, a cousin of mine owns it," Mercedes answered. Jared skimmed over the contract. He stopped and asked, "What is this stuff about unlimited teasing on the part of the woman during the third and subsequent dates?" "You are a democrat, correct?" "Yes. What are you?" "I'm a republican," Mercedes said. Seeing his raised eyebrow, she said, "I have investments." "I'm sure you do," Jared said. He wondered what kind of investments a little kid like her could possibly have. Mercedes said, "That clause is discussing her use of lace undergarments for the sole purpose of exciting you in anticipation of the fourth date assuming, that is, that she should choose to pursue sexual relations on the fourth date." "Ah," Jared said. This was strange and getting stranger. "Do you have any color preferences with regard to her undergarments?" Mercedes asked looking down at the contract. "We can add a rider here specifying any color preferences you might have." "No," Jared said. He wondered what his classmates at Harvard would think about him discussing his preferences in the color of his date's undergarments with a ten year old girl. "It is usually best to leave that to the woman's prerogative," Mercedes said. "I'm sure it is," Jared said. He returned to reading the contract. He snorted and said, "According to this, if I get overly aggressive during a date then I'm authorizing the chaperone to use physical means to restrain me." "That is correct," Mercedes said. "You really don't want to be physically restrained by the chaperone." "The loss of sobriety clause here is interesting," Jared said. Mercedes said, "Yes. In case you get her drunk and she waives the limits imposed by the physical contact clauses, then you can proceed to physical intimacy so long as the chaperone is allowed to take a blood sample. That is to prevent, or at least allow prosecution in the event of, the use of date rape drugs." "Makes sense to me," Jared said. He looked at the little girl wondering how it was that someone her age knew about date rape drugs. He asked, "How old are you?" "I'm ten," Mercedes said, "I would hurry up and finish reading the contract if I were you. Karen is waiting for you and failure to appear in a timely manner on the first date will undermine your bargaining position significantly." Knowing that he would have little or no chance of fully comprehending the contract, Jared asked, "Will you be there to represent me during this date?" "Of course, it is my job to prevent you from violating any terms of the contract until you become more familiar with it. I will also point out any loopholes that may work to your advantage. Her representative will be there as well," Mercedes answered. "Where do I sign this thing?" Jared asked. "On the last page there is a place for you to sign it. You need to sign two copies: one for you and one for her," Mercedes said. She handed over the copy that she had been reading. "I notice that she didn't sign it yet," Jared said. "She initiated the contract. She could hardly sign it knowing that you might want some terms renegotiated," Mercedes said. "That's true," Jared said. He signed both copies. Mercedes grabbed them and said, "Let's go." "Are we taking my car?" Jared asked. "Don't be silly. We are going there with the chaperone," Mercedes answered. Jared followed Mercedes to the lobby where a rather smallish man waited. He didn't look all that imposing at first glance, but Jared's second glance noticed the pistol the man was packing in a shoulder holster. All of a sudden he looked twice as big and many times more threatening. Mercedes said, "Cousin Robert." "Cousin Mercedes. Is this your client?" Robert asked. "Yes, it is," Mercedes answered. Robert said, "I'm Robert Ables. I'll be the chaperone for this date." "Nice to meet you. I'm Jared Wilmot." "Cousin Robert just got home from Afghanistan and wanted something easy to do until he learns to relax," Mercedes said. "Relaxing is good," Jared said thinking that the last thing he needed to do was to make Robert tense. Robert said, "The limousine is waiting." "Why aren't we going in a Hummer?" Jared asked. "I wouldn't be caught dead in one of those. It is like they have a target painted under them," Robert said. Mercedes nodded her head and said, "He's talking about Improvised Explosive Devices. None of the Ables like Hummers because of IEDs. They prefer horses over in Afghanistan and armored cars here." "Understandable," Jared said taking a step away from Robert. It took a few minutes to reach the limousine. Jared and Mercedes sat side by side facing Robert. A young man was seated in the driver's seat of the car. Robert turned to look at the driver and said, "Take us to the Branding Iron, Brother George." "You got it Brother Robert," George replied. "He's your little brother?" Jared asked. "Yes," Robert said. "There seem to be a lot of Ables around," Jared said. Robert said, "We tend to get a little excited when an Anders or a Sanders starts dating." "You don't say," Jared said. "You definitely don't want to violate the dating contract. Every member of the Anders family is, or will be, a lawyer. If you hurt one of them, the best of them will be all over you. When they finally get done taking every dime you've ever earned or will ever earn, then us Ables get a turn at you," George said. "Don't scare the man like that, Cousin George," Mercedes said. "Karen initiated negotiations." "What? He didn't have the balls to ask her first?" George asked. "Cousin Timmy brokered the deal while they were still in the exploratory phase leading up to initiation of continued negotiations," Mercedes said. "You and Cousin Timmy are facing off on this one?" George asked. "Yes," Mercedes answered. George laughed. "This is going to be fun to watch," Robert said with a grin. "Why?" Jared asked. "You do want to get in Karen's lacy underwear, don't you?" Mercedes asked. "I plead the fifth," Jared answered not trusting the huge smile on Robert's face. "Of course you do. It is my job to make it happen as quickly as possible. Timmy's job is to delay it as long as possible," Mercedes said. "If we're lucky, you'll be laid by your tenth date." ------- Chapter 3 While waiting to go to the table, Robert said, "We will assume a standard chaperoned meal date seating configuration at the table." "There's a standard chaperoned meal date seating configuration?" Jared asked thinking it might be a good idea to turn around and leave. "Yes, I will be seated at the head of the table. You will be seated to my right with Mercedes to your right. Karen will be seated to my left with Timmy to her left," Robert answered. "Where did Mercedes go?" Jared asked noticing for the first time that the little girl was nowhere to be seen. "She went ahead to the table to deliver the contracts for Karen to sign. Karen and Timmy will review them before she signs them. If all goes according to plan, we will be taken to the table any minute now," Robert answered. "I guess that makes sense to me," Jared said. This whole contractual dating thing was just a little weird. At least they had picked a good place for lunch. "I've eaten here before. This is a nice place and they have really great food." "My cousin Niles owns it. He's an O'Toole," Robert said. "I've heard that you have a big family," Jared said trying to make a little small talk. Robert grinned and said, "It is getting bigger every day. Shelly O'Connor had a baby girl yesterday. We're expecting Laura Connor to have a baby today or tomorrow." "I heard that there is a Donaldson born every week," Jared said. He was getting the idea that having a lot of kids was a big deal to this family. "You've got that right," Robert said. "I've got two kids already and we're working on making a third. We hope to have a dozen all told." "Good luck," Jared said. "Cousin Niles." "Cousin Robert! I'm glad to see you're back from Afghanistan." "Thanks," Robert said. "Have you got the little lady pregnant again?" Niles asked. "I've only been back a week, but we're working on it," Robert said. "We had a kickboxing session last night that ended up with us on the floor going at it like minks." "Kickboxing?" Jared mumbled. "You ought to try it in a kitchen sometime," Niles said with a wink. "You've never had fun until you've covered her in chocolate sauce." "That sounds better," Jared mumbled. He wondered whatever happened to lingerie in a bedroom. Robert laughed and said, "The only things you've got in there that will turn on my little lady are knives." "Knives?" "Something must be working in the kitchen. We've got eight kids," Niles said. He knew that Robert was telling the truth about what would excite his wife. "Maybe we'll give it a try," Robert said with a grin. "You'll have to clear out the kitchen though. It is never safe to have innocent bystanders around when Ables are engaging in foreplay." "I'll take you to the table," Niles said with a laugh. After Robert and Jared were seated at the table, Mercedes leaned over and whispered, "Timmy has been very aggressive. He used our delay in getting over here as an indicator that you aren't really interested in Karen. She's gotten a little cool on the idea of continuing negotiations. I suggest that you respond with a direct declaration of your interest in arranging a merger with Karen." Jared smiled at Mercedes before turning his full attention to Karen. Thinking about how everyone mentioned children, he said, "I fear that we were delayed because I kept imagining you and I growing old together surrounded by a dozen children and a hundred grandchildren. It made reading the contract rather difficult." Timmy frowned while quickly flipping through the pages of the contract. He said, "That's got to be a violation of something." "It isn't," Mercedes said with a smile. Karen grinned and said, "So you want a dozen children?" "Only with you," Jared said. Timmy leaned over and whispered something to Karen. She grinned and then undid a button on her blouse. Mercedes leaned over and whispered, "Timmy is trying to get you distracted so that you say something inappropriate. He wants to set the mating phase of the negotiation process back a couple of dates. Be careful." "It is August," Jared said. Everyone looked at him like he had really blown it. Thinking this was a variation of discussing weather, Karen said, "Yes it is." "I would like to conclude the negotiations for merger by the end of September," Jared said. Karen looked surprised and asked, "Which phase of negotiations?" "All," Jared answered. Timmy was flipping through pages of the contracts trying to find something that could stop this line of discussion. "You are so sexy, smart, and talented as a lawyer that only an idiot wouldn't want to enter into a full partnership with you." "Stop right now! You're talking partnership on the first date. We haven't gotten to the financial discovery phase of negotiations. There can't be talk of a full partnership until after a complete financial disclosure has been made by both parties," Timmy said pointing to a copy of the contract. Mercedes said, "He's right. You're going to have to stop discussing that subject right now." Karen undid another button on her blouse. A considerable amount of her lacey bra was now on display. Timmy didn't even bother to whisper when he said, "You're moving too fast." Mercedes leaned over and whispered, "You're getting to her or else she's trying to distract you. She just undid a second date button." "One particular image keeps flashing in my mind," Jared said. Karen licked her lips and asked, "What image?" "You and I are arguing a case in front of the Supreme Court. Points and counterpoints are exchanged with our opponents for hours on end. Caught up in the excitement of the moment, the judges start arguing law. They nearly come to blows while exchanging opinions on cases supporting and attacking our positions. Together we focus our efforts; the judges succumb to our arguments; and a new constitutional precedent is established without deliberation," Jared said. Sitting up with a concerned look on his face, Timmy said, "Whoa, you're good." "I've never heard anything so romantic," Mercedes said with a sigh. Karen's eyes glazed over. She fanned herself and said, "I think I had an orgasm." Jared leaned forward and said, "So tell me about your dreams." Mercedes said, "Yes!" "This is a disaster," Timmy said. "You and me on the floor of the law library downtown," Karen said breathlessly. Before Timmy or Mercedes had a chance to say a word, Niles showed up at the table. He asked, "Are you ready to order or should I come back a little later?" "We're ready to order," Timmy said desperate to have any excuse for the passions to cool off at the table. Robert said, "I'll have one of your forty-eight ounce steaks -- rare, a baked potato, and broccoli. I've get to keep my strength up for the wife." "I'll take the petite filet of sole and mixed vegetables," Mercedes said. Karen said, "I'll take the swordfish steak and mixed vegetables." "I'll take the twelve ounce steak rare, baked potato, and broccoli. Oh and bring a bucket of cold water," Timmy said glancing over at Karen. "The only thing I want to eat is seated across the table from me," Jared said. Timmy stood up from his chair and shouted, "I object!" "No way!" Mercedes shouted standing up from her chair. Robert looked at Niles and said, "I should have brought the video camera. The whole Anders family would love to watch this." "He's moved onto explicit sexual innuendo on the first date," Timmy said pointing a finger at Mercedes. "She opened the door with her comment about the law library downtown," Mercedes countered. "She was under duress," Timmy said dismissively. "What duress?" Mercedes asked. Timmy said, "He had just finished describing a sexually charged situation that was knowingly put forth to overwhelm her better judgment. What Anders can resist the seductiveness of arguing a case in front of the Supreme Court?" "The contract doesn't prevent that," Mercedes replied. "It is still too early in negotiations to be using explicit sexual innuendo," Timmy said. "Your client unbuttoned a second date button," Mercedes said. Timmy said, "That was fully justified. Your client had just used a biological clock argument on my client." Mercedes said, "You're just upset because my client is a better negotiator than yours." "I'll have you know that my client is an Anders," Timmy said. "My client will be an Anders at the conclusion of negotiations. You're upset because my client is better represented than yours," Mercedes said. Timmy snorted. He said, "Are you kidding? "Look at your client. She's sitting there with glazed eyes," Mercedes said pointing at Karen. "How about your client? He hasn't been able to take his eyes off that lacy bra for the past ten minutes," Timmy said. "Democrats." "You can say that again," Timmy said in disgust. "What are you talking about? You're a lousy excuse for a Republican," Mercedes said. "Oh yeah! Whose portfolio is worth more?" Mercedes said, "Yours, but that's only because my dad bought me that lousy telecommunications stock for my last birthday." "Excuses excuses," Timmy said. "You know that I asked him for cash so that I could pick the stock," Mercedes said. "Hah!" Jared asked, "Would you like to take a stroll over to the law library?" "That sounds like fun," Karen said. She unbuttoned another button on her blouse. Timmy said, "You better take your client away and get him to cool down. He is about to violate every clause in the contract." "Me? You're the one whose client has stepped way over the line," Mercedes said. Pointing at Karen she said, "She just undid a third date button!" "Oh my God! This is a disaster," Timmy said after glancing over at Karen. "I believe that your client is about to waive the limits on physical contacts clause," Mercedes said with a grin. "Not if I can help it," Timmy said. Mercedes said, "If he can get her to do that on the first date, your client is toast." "He's already proposed a full partnership," Timmy countered. "Hah! At this rate I'll be in a position to argue that your client should enter the merger as a junior partner." "No way," Timmy said. He leaned over and whispered something to Karen. "I bet you are wondering if my panties match my bra," Karen said. "Um!" Timmy relaxed a little and said, "Way to go Karen. You got him speechless." Getting worried, Mercedes nudged Jared and said, "Say something." "There's no need to wonder about that. It goes without saying that a woman of your class and distinction would wear matching bra and panties," Jared said struggling through the fog that had descended on his brain. "Not the best comeback possible, but acceptable," Mercedes said. "You're client is losing now," Timmy said. Mercedes said, "It is still early in the negotiations." Niles smiled and said, "This is the best Anders first date we've ever had here." "We haven't even gotten to the dessert, yet," Robert said. Timmy leaned over and whispered something to Karen. He turned back to Mercedes and grinned. Mercedes asked, "What did you tell her?" "I'm wearing stockings and a garter belt," Karen said. Mercedes shouted, "I object!" "No way," Timmy said. "Your client has moved into behaviors that are only covered by third date clauses of the contract. She's going to torture my client to death before the fourth date," Mercedes said. "Your client doesn't seem to have a problem with it," Timmy said. Mercedes said, "The contract is intended to explicitly protect my client from that kind of exploitive behavior." "You know that no contract is cut and dry. There are always gray areas. This is one of them," Timmy said. "I'm going to have to insist that your client waive the second and third date clauses of the contract," Mercedes said. "I'm not going to agree to that," Timmy said. "You had better request a five minute recess to discuss matters with your client or else I'm going to declare her in violation of the contract," Mercedes said. Timmy paled and said, "You wouldn't dare." "Yes, I would," Mercedes said. "That would give him carte blanche to press for a full seduction on the first date!" Mercedes smiled and said, "Exactly." Timmy turned to talk to Karen. He looked around and then asked, "Where is she?" "Where is he?" Mercedes asked looking around for Jared. Robert grinned and said, "They mentioned something about going to the law library." "You let them go?" Timmy asked. "They both waived the chaperone clauses of the contract. There was nothing I could do," Robert said. Raising her hands above her head, Mercedes said, "I win!" Dejected, Timmy said, "I can't believe it. We didn't even finish ordering lunch." Grinning broadly, Niles said, "There is nothing in this world that is as much fun as watching lawyers in love." ------- The End ------- Posted: 2009-11-29 Last Modified: 2009-12-01 / 08:02:33 am ------- http://storiesonline.net/ -------