Storiesonline.net
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                                Songbirds
                             by Jay Cantrell

Copyright© 2009 by Jay Cantrell


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Description: Todd Dumont and his friends found success at a young age but then it faded. In the ensuing years each manages to recapture his or her dreams. But what happens when those dreams intersect?

Codes: MF rom
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Chapter 1

I guess we were typical teenagers. When we were teenagers, that is.

We had dreams and hopes and aspirations. Some were realistic; others were wildly improbable.

My best friend was named Greg. He was a drummer in the school marching band. And a pretty darned good one by most accounts. He played soccer and baseball, but his first love was music. His second love was Carrie.

Carrie had been Greg's girlfriend since, well, since forever, I guess. I can't remember a time they weren't together. They started going out in seventh grade and were still going strong into their senior years of high school. Carrie was the one who got Greg interested in band. She played the flute in the marching band but she came from a musical family. So she also played guitar, a little bass and some banjo along with a host of percussion instruments.

Carrie's best friend was Kellie. I knew Kellie better than Carrie when I was younger — mostly because Kellie and I went to the same church. Kellie played the piano for the youth choir. I should know because I was a member of the youth choir from the time my mother forced me into it at age 9 until I could finally claim I was no longer a youth at age 17.

My name is Todd. I am not musical. I rarely listen to music and when I do it rarely is for very long. I prefer to read a book or to write stories of my own. I have been told I have a pleasant singing voice but I can not read music. I never could. Even when The Collection hit the big time.

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I can say without reservation it was all Carrie's fault.

Her father's family was having some sort of get-together and she invited us all to attend. It was a weekend camping trip and it sounded fun. Carrie neglected to mention a couple of things. First, was that her entire extended family were serious musicians. Sure, I knew her father was the local high school band director and that her mother taught music in the elementary schools. But I had no idea that everyone associated with Carrie's family was proficient in a variety of musical genres.

Her uncle was an opera singer; her cousin was a Nashville session recording artist; her niece was a piano prodigy.

The second thing Carrie failed to mention is that her family get-together was more like an extended talent show. The small children kicked off Friday night with a series of musical skits that the families obviously had worked on for months.

Saturday afternoon was a square-dance and hoe down complete with shit-kicking country and western music provided by the various family members. Saturday night the adults performed a variety of duets and solo singing acts. Then it was Sunday morning.

Sunday morning was for newcomers. Apparently Greg and Kellie were aware of the necessity to perform because they came prepared with variety of things — things such as harmonicas, Greg's drum kit, a bass and lead guitar and an electric keyboard.

I admit I was looking forward to what they might put together. I knew the three of them had had "jam sessions" in Greg's garage periodically. I lived two houses away; it wasn't like I could have missed them. They sounded pretty good.

Then Kellie handed me a list of songs and took my arm. I was scanning the list and I thought it was a pretty eclectic mix. A little bit of Jewel mixed in with the Commodores and a couple of country ballads and a duet from Patty Smythe and Don Henley. I was nodding my head in appreciation when I realized what Kellie was doing.

"No way," I said.

"You know the words to all the songs," she said. "The ones with an asterisk are the ones you sing lead on."

"Uh-uh," I said trying to dig in my heels on the hard ground.

"Please," she pleaded. "Come on, no one will know. Carrie's family will go back to wherever they came from and you'll never have to see them again. I've heard you sing. It'll be awesome. We can't do it without you. You've got the best voice out of all of us."

She seemed on the verge of tears so I relented.

It really wasn't as bad as what I thought it would be. I mean, the songs that I didn't sing, I had nothing to do. I couldn't play an instrument and I couldn't even sing harmony because I was somewhat unfamiliar with the concept. So I stood in the background and tried not to pick my nose.

Carrie's family let out a wild whoop when we finished with an acoustic version of "Seven Bridges Road" by The Eagles.

Our styles were different. Greg had a soft tenor voice reminiscent of Billy Joel. Carrie had a harder alto almost like Beth Hart. Kellie had a sweet, kind voice that lent itself to slow ballads in the style of Martina McBride. And I just sang what they put in front of me.

I would copy the melody from the times I had heard the songs on CD. I had no idea what chord we were in; I had no idea of when I was off pitch or what to do about it when I figured out I was.

Still, it was fun while it lasted. Carrie's grandmother wound up giving us our name: The Collection. When we finished up, she clasped each of us on the shoulder with her bony fingers and told the group, "What a fine collection of voices we have here today."

As we headed home, Greg, Carrie and Kellie were plotting ways to include me in their garage band. And I was thinking about what I would like for supper.

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I rejected everyone's entreaties to join the group. Mostly, I was embarrassed. I had no talent, no rhythm and no training. I could play no instruments — I wasn't even very good with a tambourine because my rhythm sucked.

I also had no intention of putting forth the time and energy that the three others expended in improving their craft. I was 16 years old and lazy as hell. I enjoyed hanging out with Greg — and with Carrie and Kellie — but I didn't want to spend my Saturday nights going over the same song a dozen times as I had heard them do.

Nope, my Saturday nights were spent cruising the strip and looking for any girl who might deign to lower herself to speak to me.

I wasn't one of the cool kids in school. I played on the baseball team but I wasn't a star. Greg was a much better baseball player than I was until he gave it up to focus on music.

I didn't get straight A's so I wasn't in with the geek crowd. It was the summer before college before I owned my first computer — which opened up a whole world of internet porn. But that's another story.

I interacted with many different groups. My parents were fairly strict but the one thing they taught me was to respect others. I didn't give the freaks and geeks a rough time; I didn't denigrate the kids in the band and I didn't idolize the kids who played football.

I was just me.

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It was no secret to Greg that I had a crush on Kellie from the time I was old enough to notice girls. Kellie was (and remained so for many years) my version of the ideal woman. She was tall and slender with long blonde hair that hung down her back. She was only an inch or two shorter than my six-foot frame. She had a lilting laugh and the greenest eyes I have ever seen without the aid of contact lenses.

I still sigh a little bit each time I think about her (like now).

Still, I saw right through the additional attention Kellie began to show me. First she asked me to drive her to and from school (because she was still two months from getting her license). Then she asked me to help her with a history report (and Kellie was a straight A student). Then she began hinting that I should ask her to homecoming (even though she could have her pick of almost any guy in the school).

But I was paranoid enough to know that her attention was a ploy to get me to sing with her, Greg and Carrie. So I went to the homecoming dance with Marcy Detwiler. Not one of my brighter moves. First, Marcy had just broken up with her very scary boyfriend a week or so before; and second, Kellie was highly pissed off at me. I mean terminally pissed. Greg and Carrie were right behind her.

Me? Well I just pleaded ignorant. I stopped to pick up Kellie for school on Monday just like I always did but she told me she would rather walk that ride with me.

"What did I do?" I asked innocently.

"Screw you," she replied. It was as close as I had ever come to hearing Kellie swear. I would later learn she knew all the words but used them only when necessary.

"Is this about Marcy?" I asked.

Kellie just stared at me for a moment then walked off toward school. I figured to hell with it and drove that way myself. But as I glanced in the rearview mirror as I drove past Kellie, I saw she was crying.

Now I felt like a complete asshole. I would suppose with good reason, too. I pulled the car to the side of the road and walked back to Kellie.

"I almost begged you to take me to that dance," she said through her tears. "I let you know in every way I possibly could that I wanted to go with you. But instead you take that slut Marcy Detwiler. Is that what it was about? Did you just want to get laid?"

"Nothing like that," I said, only half lying. "I figured you could get any guy in the school to go to the dance with you. The only reason I could come up with that you would go with me is to try to entice me to sing with your group."

Kellie stood with her arms crossed.

"I would like you to sing with the group," she answered. "But we've also known each other for years. It would have been fun to go with you."

"As friends," I supplied.

Kellie's lip twitched and she lowered her eyes.

"Yes," she answered reluctantly. "As friends."

"And the reason I asked Marcy because I didn't want to go to homecoming with someone 'as friends, '" I answered. "You and I can be friends somewhere other than dances."

"But it was fun dancing with you at Carrie's family reunion," she insisted. "You're taller than I am. And I knew you wouldn't try any funny stuff."

I shrugged and sighed.

"The offer for a ride is still open," I said. I knew we had reached an impasse.

Greg and Carrie were waiting the parking lot when we arrived. I could tell both were excited and I had barely parked when they pulled Kellie away and walked quickly toward the school, talking animatedly.

I was left standing beside my car.



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Chapter 2


Kellie filled me in on the excitement on the way home. Neither Greg nor Carrie had spoken to me since I asked Marcy to homecoming. Somehow I was surviving the freeze.

Carrie's cousin had recorded our impromptu concert during the summer and had played it for one of her friends without telling him where she got it. The guy was in charge of a soundtrack for an animated movie and he thought we had the right blend of complimentary vocal skills to compile three or four songs.

"He even sent us some songs," Kellie exclaimed. "Look at this! These are great songs. You could totally sing these."

I looked at it. But I couldn't for the life figure out how it would sound. Unless I could convince someone to sing it for me, there would be no way for me to tell what they would sound like.

"You would have to sing it first," I said. "And I'm sure your version would be much better than mine. So why don't you sing them?"

Kellie was silent.

"If we get someone to demo them would you try it?" she asked.

"If you can get someone to demo it, why not get them to sing it?" I replied. "It's just not my thing, Kel."

Kellie huffed.

"What is your thing?" she asked sarcastically.

"I don't really know," I said. "But I don't feel the same excitement about getting on stage as your three do. I know that for sure. I sing in the shower. I sing along with the radio while I'm driving. But I'm not really into exhibitionism."

Kellie looked out the side window.

"You're in the church choir," she said flatly.

"Because Mom makes me," I said. "This is the last year I'll be in it, too. I already told her that after the Christmas thing, I'm done with it. If she wants to ground me until college, so be it. I don't mind being an anonymous voice at church. But I don't want to be out front. Kellie, I wouldn't ask you to play catch with me. I wouldn't ask you to go fishing with me. I wouldn't ask because I know you think it's something you wouldn't enjoy."

"I wouldn't enjoy those things," she said quickly.

"How do you know?" I asked. "Have you been fishing with me? Have we ever tossed the ball around?"

"Of course not," she said.

"Well, then you can't be sure," I replied. "But I have sung with you. I have stood up in front of a crowd and been so embarrassed and scared I could hardly move. It's not something I enjoy. I mean, I don't dislike it. But I just don't want to put forth that much effort."

Kellie was silent for the rest of the ride home. She finally spoke as she opened the door.

"It's our big chance," she said. "And it might be our only chance."

She was gone before I could reply.

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You probably know how it turned out. Well, if you saw "Tiger Tales" you do. And since the animated movie brought in more than $200 million, I'm betting you've at least heard of it — especially if you have kids.

My mother, of all people, made a rational argument. She didn't insist I do it. She didn't tell me I had to do it. She simply asked me if I was willing to be responsible for my three closest friends missing a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Of course, I wasn't. And I also didn't think for a moment that we'd get anywhere farther than the garage. So I relented.

I spent three days with Kellie going over the melody. She would play it on the keyboard and I would do my best to impersonate the sounds. It wasn't as difficult as I expected it to be. It was three times as hard. With each mistake, we would stop what we were doing and rework the offending section.

I know it was frustrating to Greg, Carrie and Kellie but it was 10 times as frustrating for me. After all, I was the one who was committing most of the mistakes. And I was the one who really wasn't interested in being there in the first place.

Finally, after three consecutive weeks of eight-hour practices, we decided that we were as ready as we would ever be for our demo session.

Of course, none of us had any idea what we were doing. We also had no idea that studio time is booked in three-hour blocks. We had four songs ready and Carrie's cousin insisted it wasn't enough.

"Jeff just sent those to you to try out," she said. "Don't you have other songs?"

Of course we didn't, I thought angrily. The only songs we know are ones we would have to pay copyright fees to perform. None of us wanted to go that route.

Finally Greg lit upon an answer that the girls readily agreed to — and an answer that I insisted was not going to happen in this lifetime.

Greg, being my best friend and long-time confidante, knew my most intimate secrets. He knew about my infatuation with Kellie and he also knew that I had penned more than two dozen poems to her — poems that she didn't know about and poems I saw no need for her to know about then. Most certainly they were poems — heartfelt commentary about unrequited love — that should never be set to music regardless of the reason.

I will admit that some of them were pretty decent. Several had been published in young writer's periodicals — after thorough editing. Greg put forth the idea that we take some of my words and let the three of them craft the melody to go around them.

I refused instantly and loudly.

"Then write something else," Carrie insisted. "I had no idea you were a poet. That is so cool. How long do you think it would take?"

Let's see, I thought, I've been in love with Kellie for almost eight years and I've written about 25 poems, perhaps three or four of which were good enough for public consumption. Four divided by eight is one-half divided by 12 months is ... well, that is too much math for me.

"It will take longer than we have," I said flatly. "I write about what I know, about what I feel. I can't just sit down and write a song. Well, maybe I could but I definitely can't just sit down and write a song I'd be willing to share with anyone."

There were harsh looks all around — mostly directed at me.

"I know of three of your poems that we could use immediately," Greg said. He sounded somewhat abashed. "I've already worked out a half-assed arrangement for them. Sorry, man, I copied them out of one of your notebooks last year."

Now I was livid.

"You did what?" I yelled. "You stole my personal creative property? Those were my private thoughts. Did you plan to tell me or were you just going to arrange them and try to sell them?"

"Hold on," Greg said. "I thought they were great. Last winter, when I stayed at your house for a couple of weeks, I was looking for a book on something that wasn't boring. I found your notebook and man, I was blown away.

"You two should read his stuff," he said to the girls. "It's amazing. It's like you're seeing the world through his eyes. Man, a couple of them made me cry."

I was not consoled in the least.

"At least listen to what I've put together," he pleaded. "You can change the words if you want. But I wouldn't change them if I were you."

"You're not me," I declared. "If you were, you would realize how intensely betrayed I feel right now. Fuck you and fuck your band."

I turned to leave but Kellie caught my arm.

"Todd, I know how you feel," she started.

I was in no mood to be patronized.

"Really, Kellie," I said. "Then why don't you go get your diary and we'll take a couple months worth of your thoughts and I'll write a song about it?"

She looked at the floor for a moment.

"OK," she said. "You can go through my diary. I'll go home and get it now if you want. You don't even need to write anything from it. You can just read it if you want."

Carrie had been standing silently.

"She really leads a boring life, Todd," she said trying to inject humor into the situation. "It's probably just a list of what she had for dinner and what she plans to wear to school the next day. At least it was the last time I stole it and looked at it."

Kellie turned quickly and stared at Carrie before she realized she was joking. Still, Carrie had done what she set out to do. My anger had been diffused.

"Before I agree to anything," I said. "I want to know which ones you took."

Greg stared into space.

"'The First Day of Winter, ' 'View from a Fool, ' and 'Style over Substance, '" he said guiltily.

I ran a finger through my short hair.

"Without hearing the words, let us hear what you've put together," I insisted.

"Uh," Greg seemed at a loss for words. "Well, I have score sheets but they have the lyrics on them. I can't play it on anything but Kellie or Carrie could."

His eyes beseeched me to agree. Carrie and Kellie were standing still.

"I worked on it all through composition class," Greg said. "It was my project last semester. Carrie's dad says it is the best he's ever had in his class."

"So, Carrie's dad is privy to my thoughts, too?" I asked. "Why don't you just post it on the Web?"

"I'm sorry," Greg insisted. It sounded like a whine. "It's just, all that talent sitting there. These are great songs. Not just good songs but great ones. Please, let Kellie sight read them for you. 'Style over Substance' is more up tempo. I think you'll like it."

I nodded grudgingly.

"You and I are going to have a talk about personal boundaries," I said. "But sure, let's see how everyone reacts to it. It may suck, no matter what your personal opinion is."

It didn't suck. Kellie had to start over a couple of times when Greg changed keys unexpectedly. And she stopped cold in the middle of the second try when she realized what — or rather who and when — the poem was about.

I had written in more than a year prior — before I realized that Kellie was not interested in me in any fashion other than a friend. I had asked her a week before to accompany me to a carnival in town and she had agreed. But at the last minute, she got a better offer — to go to the movies with one of the more popular boys in school.

She told me she wasn't allowed to go out that night but I saw her and Mike Dalton leaving the theater. I had never mentioned it to her — or to anyone. Neither Greg nor Carrie could have known what some of the symbolism I used represented. But Kellie certainly did.

"Try it again, faster this time," Greg suggested.

"Let's try another one," Kellie said. "I'm not crazy about this one."

Carrie's voice boomed through the garage.

"What don't you like?" she yelled. "My God, I love it. But he's right. It needs a little more tempo. Greg, set the beat. I'll get the bass going. Todd, can you sing it? Do you remember the words?"

Kellie was silently fuming.

"By heart," I said without emotion.

"I really don't think it'll work for us," Kellie insisted.

"Then the other ones won't either," I stated.

Kellie stammered and tears welled up in her eyes. The she turned and fled the garage.



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Chapter 3


"Kellie doesn't want to do your songs," Greg told me later that evening. "I thought that one was just a good story. Is it about her, too?"

I shrugged.

"If Kellie doesn't want to do them, we won't do them," I said. "It was what I worried about from the very beginning. There are things I wrote that only I know about. But there are other things that others may recognize."

Greg looked at me.

"Did she really lie to you to go out with some other guy?" he wondered. "That doesn't sound like Kellie."

I shrugged again. If it works, stick with it. That's my motto.

"You know what the song is about," I said. "You saw how she reacted. I will let you draw your own conclusions."

"Damn," he said sadly. "How could you even be friends with her after that?"

"Why not?" I asked. "She made it clear that she didn't think of me in that way. I doubt she even looked at our plans as a date."

I laughed bitterly.

"If she only knew how much courage it took me to ask her," I said.

Greg nodded.

"So, what's Plan B?" I asked. "With the songs."

Greg was still looking at the table.

"Can you write something else?" he asked. "Something that, you know, won't piss Kellie off?"

"Can I or will I?" I replied. "They have two separate answers. Yes, I probably can sit down and write something else. But I am unwilling to expend that much time and energy because Kellie's feelings are hurt. I've already given up what passes as a social life for the past month. Now you want me to donate more time to a project that really isn't mine? Sorry, Greg. You know I would do about anything for you. I hope I've proven that in the past few weeks. But even if I write something, you'll have to take the time to compose the score. How long did that take you?"

Greg groaned.

"We were hoping you might be able to write something that goes with the scores I've already done," he said.

"We?" I wondered.

He sighed.

"No," he said with his head up. "She was wondering that."

"If it was as easy as she makes it sound, songwriters would not be paid for their work," I replied. "Not that I've been paid for my work. But, you get my point."

"I hope," I added.

He patted me on the arm and left my room. I returned to my Robert Ludlum novel.

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Carrie was the next one to stop by.

"Tee, I had no idea," she said. "And I doubt Kellie did, either. Greg never said anything. I thought you were buds with her like you are with me."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Really?" I asked. "I mean, I tried not to fall all over myself. But, in all the time you've known me, has there ever been a time I didn't eventually relent to whatever Kellie wanted?"

Carrie looked pensive, as if she were searching her memories.

"No," she said. "I can't really think of anything."

"And have there been times I have refused to do something for you or Greg?" I asked.

She laughed out loud.

"Dozens," she said, "possibly bordering on hundreds. I guess I should have known. But why didn't you say anything to her?"

"What do you think that poem was about?" I asked her.

"Oh, shit," she said and covered her mouth. "You asked her to go out with you. She said yes and then went out with someone else."

Her eyes went wide as she replayed the lyrics in her head.

"She lied to you about it," she said incredulously. "She did, didn't she?"

"She told me she was grounded," I replied. "We were supposed to go to the carnival. Instead she canceled and went to the movies with another guy. So I guess the fact that she felt the need to lie to me disproves your theory about her never suspecting."

"I guess you're right," she agreed. Her eyes fell on mine again.

"And she only found out today that you knew all along she lied to you," she added. "On another topic, I can understand what Greg was saying about your poems. Even with Kellie singing it, I could feel the disappointment and then the betrayal. It was moving. Now that I know it is a true story, it's even more moving. Damn, how did you sit down and put what you were feeling into words?"

I was back to the shrug.

"What other choice did I have?" I said. "I didn't want to keep it bottled up. And I didn't want to put you and Greg in an awkward position by asking you to choose sides. So, I wrote about what I was feeling and moved on."

"Really?" Carrie asked.

"Really," I stated. "I got the hints Kellie was dropping about homecoming. And I knew she expected me to follow along like I always do. But I'm done going places with Kellie 'as friends.' Since the day I saw her and Dalton holding hands coming out of the movies, I have never gone anywhere alone with Kellie. I take that back, I am alone with her in the car for eight minutes a day on the way to and from school. I knew you and Greg wanted to go solo that night. So, I went with Marcy."

Carrie covered her mouth with her hands.

"I've got to quit being so self-involved," she said. "I had honestly never noticed. Christ. Now Kellie asking about all of us going together makes sense. I guess she must have suspected that you knew she lied to you."

"Probably not," I said. "I don't think she is any more interested in being alone with me than I am with her. She is my friend mostly because I am friends with Greg and, by extension, you. If you and Greg were to break up, I would make no effort to spend time with Kellie and she would make no effort to spend time with me. I think that much should be obvious."

Carrie was silent for a few moments.

"Greg said you won't try to write anything new," she stated.

"Greg was correct," I said. "Look, I've had to set aside a lot of things — embarrassment, fear of ridicule, resentment — to help you guys out. I think I made it clear that performing with your group wasn't high on my list of things to do. But I did it — to make sure that your three didn't miss out on a great chance. Kellie will have to do the same thing if she wants to try this. If you three decide you don't want to put together a demo, that's fine with me. But even if I would set down and write something else, they would just be words. They wouldn't have any emotion behind them. The emotion is what makes that poem and song good."

Carrie smiled and nodded.

"You always seem so even-keeled," she told me. "I never saw anything faze you. I guess you just deal with it differently than most people."

I cocked my head.

"I don't think so," I said. "Ask your family about some of the inspiration they use. Mine is just words instead of something more creative."

We sat silently for a moment before I spoke again.

"Let me know what you decide," I said. "I'm going to go skiing over Christmas break unless we're into something here."

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Of course, you already know that Kellie eventually relented. But it wasn't easy to convince her. I didn't even try. I expected her to show up at my house to try to convince me to change the words to something else.

She didn't. And I didn't pursue her to try to get her to go along with things the way they were. I think she expected me to try.

When Greg called me Sunday morning to tell me that we were planning to practice later that afternoon I wasn't surprised.

But I was surprised when Kellie announced that she had written words to be sung over Greg's music. The songs were decent. I mean, the words rhymed. That seemed to the most important part of music to most people. Well, that and a decent beat. I thought they would work.

Greg and Carrie weren't impressed.

"Let me call my cousin," she said. "She'll tell us the truth."

Not surprisingly, Kellie's versions had little for me to do. She said she envisioned a "softer voice." That didn't bother me, either. I wandered over and sat beside Greg's drum kit.

Kellie, Greg and Carrie performed her song as Carrie's cousin listened on the telephone. Greg had done a great job with arranging the score. I doubted anyone would listen closely to the words anyway.

"It's ... nice," Renee said. "The music works really well. But I'm not sure about the lyrics."

Kellie's face reddened.

"What's wrong with them," she said hotly.

"Wrong?" Renee answered. "Nothing really. They're just ... schmaltzy. It's like someone took a half-dozen pop songs and copped lines from them. Then they just tossed them together. Carrie, is that the song you were raving about?"

"Uh, no," Carrie replied. "I mean, the music is the same. But we changed words — and singers."

"Let me hear the other one," Renee suggested.

"No," Kellie fired back.

"Kellie," Carrie whined.

I figured I should say something.

"It's like you told me, Kellie," I said. "It's a demo song. No one we know will hear it and even if they do, they won't know anything about why it was written."

With fire in her eyes, she nodded.

Greg clicked off the intro and we lit into "Style over Substance."

It was the first time we'd performed it together. It wasn't bad, but I didn't think it was good.

"A little lighter on the keyboards," Renee said afterward. "But otherwise, awesome. Are you guys going to have rights problems with the song? I've never heard it before but ASCAP can be a killer if you don't have the rights."

"I have the rights," I said simply.

Renee was silent.

"Have you registered them?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. "I registered them on the Web last week."

"Fantastic!" Renee opined. "Do you have others? I want to hear them."

"We haven't done anything with those yet," I said. "The lyrics are still up in the air and we'd be sight reading the music — a problem for me."

"Call me back after you practice them," Renee said. "That is one killer sound you have going there."

I could see Kellie was irritated.

"Fine," she said tersely. "We'll call you back later in the week."

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By the following weekend we had nine songs ready for a demo. I thought three or four of them were pretty decent. The rest were just OK.

Still, Renee raved when we called her and gave her a preview.

"Make a 10th track," she suggested. "Try the slow one — 'Fool something' as a duet. Kellie, you and Todd's voices mesh really nicely. I think you could easily share melody on that one with Carrie playing acoustic and Greg setting a light beat. It will give you something different to end with."

We — with Kellie's tacit acceptance — agreed to give it a shot.

Eight days later, we were in the studio cutting a demo album for use with "Tiger Tales."



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Chapter 4


Once again, the official version of what happened is pretty well known, even if it took a while for it to get out. The recording studio loved the sound and loved two of the three songs I had written. We spent another 14 days laying down tracks for six songs to be used in the movie.

Kellie was pissed that the studio wanted to use the songs I'd written. I wasn't really pleased with it myself. I thought they were just to fill space on a demo. I wasn't ready for a public critique of my feelings.

Still, the record execs exerted enough pressure that we gave in, the first of many flaws in our value system. The movie, in my opinion, was typical CGI crap aimed at giving kids something to look forward to during the summer movie season. The soundtrack was the last portion of production before the movie hit theaters in five months.

I had hoped that things would go back to normal in the interim. The Collection, as were called, decided to take a short hiatus. It was a welcomed respite for me. I had SAT and ACT tests to prepare for and I wanted to keep my GPA above 3.5 so I wouldn't wind up at community college.

I barely managed.

The studio called us no less than six times per day. Carrie's father was acting as our erstwhile manager, but he soon realized he was in over his head. So we retained professional counsel to help us out.

That's when we learned that we really and truly screwed the pooch during negotiations.

The studio owned the rights to all the songs on the soundtrack — except the two I had written. Greg had never licensed his arrangement, so the studio owned it, too. We would receive modest (as in hardly any) royalties for the use of our voices in the movie and on the soundtrack.

I had never been asked if I had registered my songs and I hadn't proffered that information. The studio was a bit upset when they were informed that I owned the rights to the words to "Style over Substance" and "A View from a Fool." They were even angrier when they were told that I was not interested in selling those rights nor was I willing to allow them to use them without my permission (and compensation).

But it was too far along for the studio to drop the arrangements without postponing the movie. However it was plenty early enough to allow it to drop them from the soundtrack.

Greg was stoic about the mistake. He was thrilled to be making music professionally. I think he dreamed of stardom and mega-city tours. But he was peeved that someone stole something he worked a full year to produce. (I didn't point out the irony given the fact he stole the words that accompanied his music).

Carrie and Kellie were livid that we had been taken advantage of. But by the end, each of them would be even angrier — at the studio and at me.

-------

I guess the beginning of the end for The Collection came about a two months before the movie opened. The studio released one of the songs written by Renee's friend as a single and it was an immediate hit.

I arrived at school shortly before Spring Break and saw Kellie, Carrie and Greg sitting in his car with smiles spread across their faces. I waved but none of them even noticed me until I was halfway to the building.

"Tee!" I heard from behind me. When I turned, Carrie wrapped her arms around my waist and started dancing with me. "They played our song on the radio. It's been on three or four stations today and it was all over the airwaves this weekend. Did you hear it?"

Actually, I had been listening to a Christopher Paolini audiobook in the car for the past several days, so I hadn't.

"Which one?" I asked.

By this time, the other two had arrived.

"Dreamscape," Greg said with a smile. "Man, it was great. You did awesome on that one."

It was a relatively easy piece that didn't require much effort. The musical portion was much more difficult to master.

"Thanks," I said. "But you guys are the ones who did all the work. Hell, I'm just a parrot, mimicking what I hear."

By that weekend, "Dreamscape" was all over the radio. It debuted at No. 12 in the Hot 100 and The Collection was in demand. Except no one knew who we were.

Our contract with the studio forbade us from revealing anything about us until the movie's premier. We didn't even own the rights to the name The Collection. The studio did.

But once the song hit big, the studio was all over us to make promotional appearances and do live performances.

"Not a prayer," I said. "I've got a lot going on in the next two months. I'm going with my folks to visit colleges over Spring Break. I've got a ton of shit to get ready for this summer and I still have my junior thesis to write. I can't miss any more school."

Greg seemed to understand but the girls were agog.

"You're shitting me, right?" Kellie said. I told you she knew all the curse words.

"No," I replied. "I'm not. I told you from the outset that I had plans for this summer. I'll be leaving for England in late June. I can't change my plans now and I wouldn't change them if I could."

"But what if the studio wants us to do stuff at the premier?" Carrie said.

"They may own the music," I answered. "But they don't own me. There are no appearance guarantees in the contract. Remember, I made sure of that before my parents would sign it."

"So, you won't go with us then?" Kellie asked. "No matter. We'll have to rework some of the songs. We can do it."

"I'm sure you can," I answered. "I'll even grant you limited use to the songs I wrote."

Kellie's face became a mask of anger.

"Limited rights?" she yelled. "What in the hell does that mean?"

"It means I'll agree to let you perform them a set number of times but I won't allow you to record them," I answered.

"Can he do that?" Kellie asked no one in particular. It was Greg who answered.

"Unlike me, he owns the performance rights to his songs," he replied. "So yes, he can do that. And he could sue us if we use them in another fashion other than what he expressly permits."

Kellie turned and stormed into the school building.

"What difference does it make?" I asked. "They aren't on the soundtrack. I was told that one is playing over the ending credits and one plays somewhere in the middle of the movie. No one will even care."

Carrie patted my arm.

"They'll care," she said. "I really think you should plan to postpone your trip to Europe. I think you're going to be a hot commodity come summer."

-------

A day later the studio called and asked us to fly to L.A. to do another song for the soundtrack. When they pulled my songs if left them with only 8 on the disc. They also wanted to add my songs. I agreed so long as they would compensate the other three and give us the rights to the name and Greg's music back. They were still interested in another song but they decided to pass on adding mine to the soundtrack.

After speaking with my parents I agreed with a couple of caveats: I was unwilling to leave until after school on the Friday Spring Break started; the entire production had to be done by 9 p.m. Sunday and they had to fly my parents and me to Texas instead of back home. I had a college I wanted to look at.

The studio initially agreed but called back an hour later and asked if we could come out Thursday for a live performance. I had two exams on Friday (and I knew the others had at least one each) so I refused to go along.

It didn't earn me any points (with the studio or with my bandmates) but I knew that come the following fall, The Collection would be just a memory for everyone.

It turned out my decision made things easier for all involved. When we arrived at the studio on Saturday morning, the bigwig who met us was appalled.

"You're..." he stumbled for words.

"You're kids," he finally spat out.

The others looked at the ground but I looked at him like he was a moron.

"That's why our parents had to sign the contracts, numbnuts," I said acidly. "That's why you were able to steal all the shit you stole without us knowing any better."

The man bristled.

"We can send you back as easy as we brought you out here," he said.

"Like we give a fuck," I answered.

The others just stood beside me wide-eyed. My mother, however, cringed when I called the man "numbnuts" and when I dropped the F-bomb. At least she held off smacking me upside the head.

"You brought us out here because you needed to help the soundtrack," I stated. "You needed help on the soundtrack because you couldn't steal the songs from me and you refused to pay what they're worth. Do you really think we give a shit if your soundtrack tanks? We're not getting much in royalties anyway."

The man's face was red but he gradually relaxed.

"I need to make some calls," he said contritely. "Just go in and set up however you want."

Greg smiled as he walked past me.

"That was awesome," he opined.

Kellie and Carrie chipped in with dual yeahs.

By the time we had things set up another man had joined the one who met us. He, too, was eyeing us speculatively.

He came in a greeted us.

"How old are you guys?" he asked.

Carrie told him we were all 16.

He shook his head.

"We were of the opinion you were older," he said. "It's a blessing that you couldn't come out earlier. We would have had to cancel what we planned."

Each of us looked at the other.

"And those plans were?" Greg's mother asked.

"Moot," the man answered and started to turn away. Carrie's mother stopped him.

"You know, sir," she said sweetly. "To paraphrase your man over there, we can go back home as easily as we came here."

"We had a venue planned that was adult in nature," he said. "A club, not a titty bar or anything."

He realized he was talking to an audience that included two wholesome-looking 16-year-old girls.

"Uh, sorry," he said. "I honestly thought they were at least 18. I'm sorry. I knew the parents had to sign the contracts but that is standard if the act if the act is in his teens. We do it just to protect ourselves. If the act is over 18, we ask the parents to sign as witnesses."

It made no matter to any of us.

"This is really going to change our summer plans," he said to no one.

I glanced at Greg who shrugged.

"Unless you're planning a European tour for summer, you might want to rethink those plans in their entirety," I offered. "I'll be in England, France and Germany from late June until mid-August."

"You can't do that!" the man exclaimed.

My father had had enough.

"Really, sir," he spat. "You are not the person who gets to tell my son what he can and can't do. He has planned this trip for two years. He saved every penny he has earned in that time to finance it and if he wants to go, he's going."

The man put his hands over his eyes and sighed.

"This is not going well," he said. "And it is not going to go any better any time soon. I wish I would have known this."

"It's why we insisted all live performance language be removed from the contract," my father answered. "That really should have tipped you off."

The man looked up.

"You're not contracted for live performances after the movie is released?" he asked. He seemed relieved. "That might make things better. It's just, well, you all look so young. The sound we got was much more adult. The guy in charge of the soundtrack gave us your demo. We had never heard of you, honestly."

"It's the first demo we'd done," Kellie said proudly. "We'd only performed in front of an audience once before."

I could see the wheels turning in the man's head even if no one else could. I didn't like the small smile that crept across his face.

By time the movie premiered, it was obvious to me why the man had smiled. His studio owned the vast majority of the songs, the name and the performance rights to anything The Collection had performed.

The fact that very few people — no one outside of Carrie's family — had heard us perform meant that we were essentially anonymous. The studio refused to allow Greg, Carrie and Kellie to perform anything from the movie and I was in Europe having the time of my life.

By the time I returned in August, "Tiger Tales" was a summer blockbuster — and The Collection was back to being three kids with a garage band.



-------

Chapter 5


I think Greg, Carrie and Kellie blamed me for slowing their rise to superstardom. They seemed to think that if I had capitulated to the studio's demands we would be splashed across MTV in perpetuity.

The studio pulled a fast one on me and released "Style over Substance" as a video. They used footage from the movie, so I couldn't stop them. But I could and did stop them when they wanted to release it as a single.

I think they believed I would pander to the public outcry and relent. If they thought that, they were wrong.

I refused and I refused their offer to release it as a solo. They refused my offer to allow Greg, Kellie and Carrie to rework it for themselves — if the studio agreed to allow The Collection to come to the forefront.

By the time I returned from France in mid-August, my friends were no longer my friends. They weren't speaking to me at all and ignored me whenever I tried to make contact. So I didn't tell them about the studio contacting me. They only knew that I refused to allow them to release the single.

I settled in for a lonely senior year of high school.

I decided in mid-fall that I would graduate early. I had been accepted at Boston College and the school agreed to allow me to start taking classes in January. I tried to contact my former friends and bandmates one last time before I left but none of them called me back.

But Greg trudged over in January as I was packing the U-Haul to head east. We exchanged generalities for a few minutes before anything serious came up.

"I'm sorry about the way things worked out," I told him. "But it's not like it seemed. I didn't throw you guys under the bus. If anything, it was the opposite. I wouldn't let the studio have their way because of how they treated you guys."

He was about to answer when Carrie's car pulled up and she and Kellie piled out. They saw Greg talking to me and I could see they weren't happy.

"See ya around," I said and handed him a parting gift. Before Greg could say anything I went back into my house.

From my front window, I could see the girls giving Greg a ration of shit for talking to me. I could see Greg pointing and gesturing toward the house in a pleading manner. But soon the three of them stalked back into the car and disappeared.

Greg had not returned by the time I pulled out of my driveway for the last time.

-------

I guess it was my junior year at Boston College when I turned on the radio and heard three familiar voices emanate forth. The announcer said it was a new group called Trio but I recognized them almost instantly — Greg, Carrie and Kellie.

I couldn't help but smile.

It helped that I recognized the song as one of several I had penned in Europe. They were in a notebook I handed to Greg that last day in my driveway.

I was happy that Trio had finally hit the big time but I was sorry that it had taken four years longer than it should have.

Because my voice was out of the mix, unless you knew them no connection to The Collection could be made. They had made it on their own merits and I was extremely proud of them. Not that I made any attempt to let them know that.

My parents moved not long after I left. I think they only planned to stay in town until I graduated high school anyway. With them gone there was no reason for me to return to my hometown, so I never had.

My parents had moved to upstate New York and seemed to loving the life of rural farmers. I'll admit I enjoyed the solitude of spending time outdoors in the summers I spent with them. It gave me time to clear my head and to work on my writing.

I was working on what would become a novel. Not well received or well purchased, but at least it was published. But I also was writing poetry. Of course, I was certain to make sure the words could be set to music if someone so desired.

Outside of the shower, I probably hadn't sung a dozen times since I left my home state. I would participate in the family Christmas caroling, of course, but I had no desire to be in public again.

I did read a couple of my poems in a coffee house in Boston. They received high praise from the patrons but they did not achieve my primary purpose — to get horizontal with a member of the opposite sex for an extended period of time (to steal a line from one of life's greatest storytellers, Harry Chapin).

My dating life in college was best termed as "migratory." I would date a girl for a month or two before one or the other of us would decide it was time to move on. I'm not some hopeless romantic who believed the one great love of my life was Kellie. But many of the girls I would date seemed to pale in comparison to the girl I remembered.

I am careful to use the term "girl." The young woman Kellie manifested into wasn't part of my fond memories. By the time I left, there was far more about her that I didn't like than I did like. She had become manipulative and deceitful in her middle teen years. By her later teens, she was vengeful, arrogant and paranoid.

But there were few who could compare to the young girl I met when I was a young boy.

-------

A year after I first heard Trio on the radio, they were making their way up the charts with regularity. Their videos were in constant rotation during that 45-minute block of time that the music video stations actually set aside to play music videos those days. There were times I would see them and think wistfully of what might have been.

Maturity had come late to me. I was probably 20 before I could admit that I wasn't always right and even older before I could take a look at both sides of an issue. I guess maturity came to Greg about the same time as it had to me because one Saturday night he showed up outside of my apartment in Chelsea.

He didn't say anything when I opened the door for him. He just hugged me tightly.

"Before you left," he began, "you told me things weren't as they appeared."

I nodded.

"I tried my best to protect you guys," I offered.

"I know you did," he said sadly. "It's only been very recently that we finally have a firm enough grasp on the industry to understand that. I'm sorry I didn't take the time to find out what happened."

There was little I could say.

"You're doing well now though," I said with a smile. "I'm happy for you."

He looked around my somewhat spartan apartment.

"Don't worry," I said. "I live simply because I want to, not because I have to. I have better uses for my money than furniture."

"Or a kitchen table," he added with a laugh. "Do you even have glasses and stuff?"

"Yes," I said. "McDonald's always has giveaways."

He shook his head.

"We wanted to let you know that we miss you," he said. "When I saw you packing up your U-Haul, I couldn't believe it. I guess I knew you well enough to know that you wouldn't have done something just to spite us. I caught hell that day."

"I saw," I told him. "I'm glad you could use a couple of songs that I put together for you."

Greg smiled widely.

"You'll probably be happier now that I have an address to send the royalty checks to," he said. "I registered them in your name. You had already set up a profile with ASCAP, so I just tagged them in with the ones you'd already done."

I chuckled.

"I didn't register them for that very reason," I admitted. "It's why there were releases for your use with all of them. I didn't want you to feel like you were beholden to me. I wrote them while I was in Europe."

"I guessed that," he replied. "Well, I guessed that later. At the time, Kellie and Carrie thought you were trying to bribe your way back in. When you didn't contact us — well, ever again — they figured out they were wrong."

"You know," I began. "Even if we would have made it big, it wouldn't have mattered. I wrote those songs for you three to sing. I was never going to be part of the equation after I came back. I had different plans."

He smiled gamely.

"I figured that out, too," he said. "Not about the dreams part. I always knew your dreams didn't include being a musician. But I figured out that you were giving us something to use as we tried. You were trying to support our dreams — even though we wanted you to put yours aside for ours. I'm ashamed at some of the things we said and did."

"It's OK," I told him. "It was years ago and we were kids. Kids do things like that."

"We played in Providence last night," he mentioned.

"I heard," I said. "It was all over the radio. You know, I think your group is stronger without me in it."

Greg shook his head.

"We're different, but not better," he said. "You know, we've each tried writing our own songs. They just don't come out as good as yours do. That's why we used so many of yours on our first album."

"How many did you use?" I asked.

Greg shook his head.

"Three people you know have an album released and you don't even buy it?" he asked. "Is that anyway to be?"

I laughed.

"Seven on the first album," he told me without pause. "Eight on the second album. It's being released in the spring."

"I have some others if you want to take them with you," I told him.

"You do?" he asked. "Honestly?"

"I still write from time to time," I said. I pulled down two notebooks from among the clutter. "They're in chronological order. The older ones are in the green book from oldest to newest. The newer ones are in the blue book."

Greg opened the binders.

"There must be a hundred songs in here," he said in awe.

"Maybe," I replied. "I've never counted them. Most of them are probably crap. Some of the decent ones might not translate well to music."

"Are they registered?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"I'll have our agent handle that," he told me. "Here is my cell number. Keep in touch — if for no other reason than to keep your address current for the royalties."

"I'm not worried about those," I said.

He laughed uproariously.

"Our financial guy told us we had to find you in the next few months," he said. "You have almost $80,000 in royalty checks that you've never claimed on your taxes. You need to worry about those."

"Hell, I've never made enough money to file taxes," I said truthfully. "Outside of claiming the money we made when we were 16, I do mostly work-study jobs."

"You like college?" he asked looking around the room.

"I do," I said. "I knew I would."

"What are you studying?" he wondered.

"English lit," I told him. "With a specialization in education. I'm student teaching this fall. You caught me working on my lesson plans. There is going to be an opening at a private school near Pembroke next year. If this goes well, I should have a good shot at landing it."

"A new generation of Todds," Greg said with glee. "That is just what America needs."

I changed the subject.

"So, I heard you're touring with Amy Walston," I said with a raised eyebrow. "I bet that is fun."

Greg grimaced.

"She's a bitch," he said. "She comes across on TV as this sweet girl but in reality she thinks she is the cat's meow. Kellie hates her."

I spoke before I thought.

"Too much alike," I offered.

Greg looked at me.

"Probably the girl you remember," he said softly. "Not so much any more."

"The girl I remember most is not the one in the band," I said. I didn't say anything else.

"She grew up some too," he offered. "I can tell you have and I know Carrie and I have."

"You two still dating?" I asked.

"No," he answered. "Not for years now. We evolved."

He put air quotes around the last word.

"Is that a good thing?" I wondered.

"Yes and no," he told me. "It was a mutual decision. We spent too much time together when we were younger. There were no surprises left. We split up, hell, probably a month after you moved. We broke up the band for a while and restarted it the next fall. We talked a bit during the summer, you know, as friends. And we all decided to put off college for a year to see if we could make a go of it."

"It seems as if you could," I replied.

"It was tough for a while," he said. "We couldn't use anything we'd done before. We couldn't even mention to studios that we had performed on the soundtrack. They buried us good."

"I know," I said sadly. "I really tried to stop them. I hope you know that. They wanted to release one of the songs I owned as a single. I told them they could if they would agree to promote you three. The idea died quickly."

Greg nodded.

"We were told it was because we were so young looking," he answered. "We had this adult sound and, well, we had some pretty adult songs. The two just didn't correlate. So they kept the songs and buried us. Anyway, we played clubs and bars for a while but nothing was happening. Finally, right after Christmas, I told Carrie and Kellie that I was planning to go to college in the fall. They had been reluctant to use any of the material that you gave us. I had written arrangements for four or five songs but they refused to perform them. I told them that if they were so intent on being a small-time group, they could do it without me. I fully planned to start a new group in college. I knew the songs you gave us were good."

I looked at the table and Greg kept speaking.

"Finally they agreed to take a look at them," he continued. "I'm not sure of what they were expecting but it wasn't what they got. After a couple of minutes they agreed to use the songs. After that, things took off. We cut another demo about six or seven months later and a new label picked us up immediately. We used a lot of the demo songs on the first disc and it came out a couple of years ago. It took almost 8 months for anyone to notice but once they did, well, here we are."

I glanced at the clock and Greg seemed to think it was hint. Maybe it was.

"We're trying to secure the rights to our original songs," he said. "I'll let you know if we get them."

"Let me know," I said. "I'll sign over rights to ones I did, if you want to perform them. I denied everyone for the first couple of years and no one has asked since. It was mostly high schoolers who wanted to do 'Tiger Tales' as a play. I told them if they managed to secure the rights to the music, I'd release the rights to the words. I almost never heard from any of them again and the ones that did get back to me asked if I knew a way to convince the studio to let them perform the songs from the soundtrack."

"They were real fuckers," he said. "The recording label is about to go belly up. As soon as it does, we should be able to get the rights to my music."

"I wish I would have thought about that at the time," I told him. "I was more concerned about covering me and I didn't even think that you might not be aware of it. I mean, Carrie's dad really should have been more help to you."

"Maybe," he said. "But he was in over his head. At least he recognized it before things got too far out of hand. Hell, the studio was trying to get us to sign a multi-disc contract. Kellie and Carrie wanted to but..."

"I never would have done that," I cut in.

"I knew that," he told me. "I told them we would have to approach you diplomatically when you returned. By the time you came back from Europe, the deal was off and well, diplomacy was forgotten."

"It's good to see you," I told him in parting. "Tell everyone else I said hi."



-------

Chapter 6

It was a little more than a year later before I would catch up with Greg and crew again. We had kept in touch with phone calls and e-mails but their life was hectic and mine was just beginning to feel real.

I didn't catch on at the private school near Pembroke but I did land at Lake Howard Preparatory just minutes outside Boston. I finally had enough money — counting the royalties from Trio — to move into a nicer place.

It was during my orientation session at Lake Howard when I met Melissa. We were too much alike to be more than friends but we were so much alike that it seemed we were destined to be best friends and hopefully more.

As it was, we started a casual friendship made every part of my life better. I was a year younger than she and Melissa went out of her way to make sure I knew the ropes.

"Gah, last year was hell for me," she said. "All these old cocksuckers just looked down their noses at me. The administrator made me take out my nose piercing. What the hell is that about?"

I could supply no answers but I did mention that some of our students' parents probably would be a bit put off by seeing a pierced nose.

"Stuffy old bastards," she said. "The men are probably banging their secretaries and the women probably have their nipples pierced. Hell, half the chicks here probably are just waiting until they can land a fake ID to get a tramp stamp and a pierced clit."

I laughed and shook my head. I suspected I might have difficulty relating to the students anyway. Now I had to hope that I didn't picture their piercings and tattoos in my dreams.

"How about the boys?" I asked with a smile. "What's their major malfunction?"

"Hah!" Melissa said gleefully. "Half can't decide if they want to be gay just to piss off daddy or if they want to knock up some trailer parker to piss off mommy. But they're certain they want to piss off one of them. The girls are deciding between bringing home a black kid or becoming a lipstick lesbian. You gotta remember, Todd, these precious little snowflakes are just so misunderstood."

"Have you considered public school?" I wondered aloud.

"Unlike the truly altruistic, I'm in teaching for the money," she said. "I can put up with the L. Ron Huffington The Thirds for $42,000 a year and summers off."

She turned serious for a moment.

"Honestly, the kids aren't that bad," she said. "Sure, some of them are pains in the ass. But most of them really are just misunderstood. They've been raised by nannies and stepparents and they've never had a moment's worth of discipline in their lives. Don't tell anyone but the reason I came here is because I was just like them."

"That explains the nose ring," I said with a smile. "Wanna show me your tramp stamp?"

She stuck her tongue out at me.

"My tat is a little lower," she said. "Maybe you'll see my kitty one day."

"I meant my tattoo, you pervert," she said when I glanced at her lap. "It's on my hip."

Melissa and I hit it off immediately. I liked her, I'll confess to that. She brought out my cynical side that I thought I'd hidden and she appreciated my less-than-fully-developed sense of humor. Still, we went almost everywhere together — but always as friends.

But, as with Kellie initially, being friends with Melissa was good enough most of the time.

Unfortunately, Melissa was a huge fan of Trio. I had never mentioned that I knew Greg, Kellie or Carrie. I had never mentioned that I once performed with them.

Those were portions of my life that I kept only for me. Melissa had boundaries as well. She didn't talk about her parents or growing up at all. It was as if both of our lives started when we hit 18. I wasn't offended by it and she didn't seem to be either.

We were driving to a Red Sox game one Friday afternoon when she suddenly cranked the radio.

"I love this song!" she shouted and started singing along with Kellie. I didn't recognize the lyrics and I was trying to negotiate traffic, so I paid little attention. But it was still one of Trio's finer efforts.

My mind went to the past and for a few moments I was lost in my reverie.

"Are you listening to me?" Melissa said as she slapped my arm.

"Of course not," I replied. "I have learned that I gain nothing from paying attention to you the first time you tell me something. Invariably you'll repeat it a dozen times in the next couple of days."

She stuck her tongue out at me. She did that a lot. I wondered if there was a hidden meaning.

"Listen to me," she shouted and I was pulled back from wondering about Melissa's tongue and if it had ever been pierced.

"I swear to God, I'm going to swat you one," she threatened. Now I was listening. With Melissa, an opportunity to playfully pinch, punch, slap or tickle me was rarely missed.

"What?" I asked.

She sat there looking at me.

"I fucking forgot," she said. "Damn you! What was it?"

She sat for another minute.

"Oh yeah," she exclaimed. "Wasn't that a great song?"

"I wasn't listening," I replied. "Sorry. I know they're one of your favorites."

"They're in town for two days next month," she said. "If I can score tickets, I'm going."

"I can probably get you tickets," I said.

She rolled her eyes.

"They sold out in like 20 minutes, douche," she replied. "I'm gonna try to scalp them or get them off Craig's List."

"Do you at least want me to try?" I asked. "I'll bet you that if you'll drive, I can have tickets to the show for you before we find a place to park."

"What's the bet?" she asked.

"Twenty?" I offered.

"No way," she shot back. "Twenty minutes of tickling."

"You'll regret it," I said.

"Only if you pee on me while I'm tickling you," she answered.

"Melissa, I'm almost positive I can get the tickets in just a couple of minutes," I said. "And you hate to be tickled."

"You can really get tickets to a sold-out show?" she asked.

"I can most likely get tickets to this sold-out show," I replied.

She was watching me closely.

"Pull off the next exit," she said. "I'll drive. You can try to make my day."

I pulled my cell phone and called Greg. The only snarl that I could see was that I would have to leave a voice mail. But he picked up on the first ring.

"Hey, man," he said. "I was going to call you tonight."

"Really," I said. "I'm glad I caught you then. I'm on the way to a Red Sox game. They're playing the Tribe tonight."

"Don't I know it," he said wistfully. "Man, I would love to see a game in Fenway. Well, I would love to see a game in Fenway in a normal way. You know what I mean."

"Not really, but I'll take your word for it," I answered with a smile. "Remember, I took the normal life."

"So, how are things in Beantown?" he asked. "You still working at Hoity-Toity Prep?"

"No one calls it Beantown anymore," I answered. "It's passé. And I am still at Lake Howard."

"You gonna show us around next month?"

"Of course," I answered. "I mean if you want me to. That's sort of why I called. Is it too late to get tickets off you? You offered the last time I talked to you."

"I'll leave them at Will Call," he said. "Or if you want to hang out all day, you can just go in with us. But I should warn you, I'm not into the whole groupie thing so don't try any kissy face. How many you want?"

"Well, actually, they're for a friend of mine," I said. "Let me ask." Melissa was staring at me in wonder.

"Uh, two," she said.

I told Greg and he asked if leaving them in my name was OK.

"Uh, better leave them under Melissa Macon," I said. "I'm not sure who she is going to take."

Greg laughed.

"You're coming too, right?" he asked. "Even if your girlfriend goes without you."

I thought for a minute.

"Yeah," I said. "I'd like that. What's your schedule that week?"

"They added a second show on Sunday," he said with resignation. "The first one sold out quickly and Sunday was an open day before a five-day break. It sold out pretty quickly too but I told them no other shows that week. You mind if I hang with you for a day or two afterward?"

"Sounds great," I said. "Listen, we're at the park so I'll call you later. When's good?"

He told me and I promised I'd catch up with him the next afternoon.

"Two tickets will be waiting at Will-Call under your name," I told Melissa.

"You're kidding me, right?" she asked. "I mean, you just picked up the phone and in four minutes had me tickets. Why didn't you put them under your name?"

I started to answer but my phone rang. I saw it was Greg calling back. I hoped he hadn't overreached on the tickets.

"Hey, man," he said. "Kellie and Carrie just chewed my ass — again."

"Oh," I said dejectedly. Melissa was watching carefully.

"No, Tee," he said quickly. "I told them you called and that you're coming. They made me call you back to see if your friend wanted to watch from backstage. I should have thought of that."

"I'll ask," I said.

Melissa's eyes lit up like a candle.

"Holy mother-fucking shit on Easter," she screamed. "I would go down on four security guards to watch from backstage — including females if I had to."

"Uh, is she your girlfriend?" Greg asked in to the phone.

"No," I said. "But I'll take comment to mean that she would truly enjoy watching the show from backstage."

Melissa slapped my arm — hard.

"If you weren't gay, you would be getting so lucky tonight," she said.

I was trying to listen to Greg but he overheard her comment and stopped talking abruptly. I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at Melissa.

"Please tell me you're joking," I said.

She laughed.

"About which part?" she said with a giggle.

"About the gay part," I said irritably. "I'm not gay."

Melissa laughed heartily.

"I know you're not," she said loudly. "But you're missing a hell of a chance."

I picked the phone back to my ear in time to hear Carrie say, "I like that girl."

"Well, that makes one of us," I said. I was still a bit miffed but I didn't know why.

"Hey, Tee," Carrie chimed. "We made Greg put you on speaker. You're really coming next month?"

"If I'm not in jail for manslaughter," I replied, casting a harsh look at Melissa who was staring out the window.

"Both shows, right?" Carrie asked.

I told her I wasn't sure if I could make both shows but I would try.

"Can we spend a couple of days with you, too?" she asked. "Greg said he was going to hang out. I think it would be fun."

"If you want to," I answered. "But don't feel obligated. Look, I gotta run."

"Call me tomorrow," Greg said and I turned toward Melissa.

"You look pissed," she said "Are you a homophobe?"

"No," I said. "At least I don't think so. But I didn't find it humorous."

Melissa looked abashed for a moment.

"Well, I did," she said. "I guess 50 percent on a joke isn't bad."

"OK, but don't be surprised if I suddenly find it hilarious to comment about how fat your ass looks in those shorts," I said.

-------

I laughed off Melissa's comment but it bothered me. So it was a relief when I left for a few days to visit Walden Pond and the sanctuary of Henry David Thoreau. Then I spent a week in New York City searching fruitlessly for a literary agent to rep my now-finished novel. And I spent 10 days at my folks' house enjoying solitude.

I felt relaxed and content as I drove back into Boston. My oldest friends were on their way to visit in four days and I was looking forward to seeing them. I enjoyed my time away from the city.

I did not enjoy my return.

I had put Melissa from my mind for the most part. I had reconciled myself that I would have to accept my relationship with her the way I had with Kellie. Still, like with Kellie, I knew things probably could never go back to the way they were.

I still thought of her as a friend and I know what she said was in jest, but a part of me wondered if she actually thought that about me — not that there is anything wrong with it, as Seinfeld once said. Still, I wondered if she would have thought differently of me — perhaps in the way I thought about her — if she didn't view me as effeminate. I certainly didn't look at myself in that manner.

I guess I wasn't a picture of male virility, but drank beer and I owned power tools. I mean, hell, what else can you look for?

I didn't have to wait long to find out. There were several messages on my phone when I returned. I got spotty service in Walden so I turned off my cell phone. I found I liked the freedom so I left it off and basically forgot about it.

The longer I listened to the messages, the more desperate Melissa sounded. I was certain that I had mentioned in passing that I was going to visit my parents but even if I hadn't, it wasn't like Melissa was my caretaker.

The longer I listened, the angrier I got. I resolved to sleep on it and contact her the next day.

I had been asleep only for an hour or so when the damned phone rang again. I suspected who it was but I also remembered that I was supposed to call my mom and let her know I got in OK. I was 26 years old but she worried about me.

Grudgingly, I answered. It only proved that I should trust my instincts.

"Where have you been?" Melissa demanded. "I was worried to death."

I took a deep breath and wiped sleep from my eyes.

"Walden Pond, New York City and Mom and Dad's," I answered. "I'm a big boy. You don't need to worry about me."

My answer was probably harsher than I meant and definitely harsher than Melissa deserved. If she had disappeared for three weeks, I probably would have been worried, too.

"What's up?" I asked in a gentler tone.

She was silent.

"Nothing," she answered. "Are you going to be home for a while? We need to talk."

Those dreaded words.

"I'm home, but I was sleeping," I answered. "I drove nine hours today. Why don't you stop later in the week?"

"It's important," she said. "Are you sure I can't come over?"

"Come on over," I answered. "But if I fall asleep in the middle of whatever you're worried about, don't blame me."

I could tell Melissa was tense from our phone conversation. It didn't prepare me for what I saw when I opened the door. She looked like she hadn't slept in days and her clothes were wrinkled. She definitely wasn't the put-together education professional I had come to know.

"You alright?" I asked automatically. "You look like you're coming off a three-day bender."

"Close," she answered. "Well, not a bender but I've had a rough couple of weeks."

I was actually worried about her. Whatever was bothering her was definitely more important than what was eating at me.

"How can I help?" I asked.

"Just listen to me," she said. "Please."

The last was said in a pleading tone of voice I had never heard from Melissa.

"Of course," I answered. "Sit down. Do you want a glass of water? I think I might have a beer or two in the fridge. I don't have much else, I'm afraid."

"A beer would be nice," she replied. I could almost see the tension lessen around her eyes.

When I sat back down in a chair opposite her, the tension was back.

"I'm sorry for what I said," she told me. "It was a joke. I know you played it off but I also know it bothered you. You were different as soon as I said it."

"Well, that's part of it," I admitted. "But it's not all of it. Some friends I haven't seen in a while are visiting this week. I was a little nervous about seeing them. But what you said was troubling, too."

"I know it was," she said with a sigh. "And I'm stupid for saying it. You know I don't think of you that way. I mean as, well, you know ... gay."

"I'm not gay," I replied testily.

"I know you're not," she answered. "That is what I was saying. Look, Todd, I can see the way you look at me. I know what you're feeling. But your timing is terrible.

"About three weeks before I met you, I broke up with my boyfriend — a guy I had been dating since my sophomore year of college," she continued. "It was a bad break up. I don't want to go into details but it was hard for me."

Melissa looked at the table. I didn't know what to say so I sat silently and waited for her to continue.

"I liked you from the moment I met you," she said. "If you had shown up six months later or I had broken up with Ryan six months earlier, I have no doubt in my mind that I would have fallen totally and hopelessly in love with you.

"But I wasn't emotionally ready for anything like that when I met you. And by the time I was ready, I had a relationship with you that went so much deeper than I ever had with Ryan. I mean, you're my best friend — the best friend I've ever had — and I don't know, you're so much more to me than a boyfriend could be. You're like a brother and, and, I don't even have the words to tell you how much you mean to me. I know that what I'm saying doesn't make sense to you. It doesn't make sense to me either. But I hope you understand why I won't risk what we have for what might be."

I looked at my beer for a long time. It seemed to have lost its flavor. I wasn't sure how to respond to Melissa, so I decided on the truth.

"Since the ballgame I have wondered if maybe you had been looking at me in the wrong light," I answered. "I wondered if you really thought I liked guys and that's why, I don't know, we hung out together so much.

"And I do understand sort of what you're saying. But I hope that you'll understand where I'm coming from. I wasn't in emotional turmoil when I met you. I met a vibrant, exciting woman and yes, I was attracted to you instantly. The more time we spent together, the more the attraction grew until it hit its apex a couple of weeks ago. I am in love with you, Melissa. I know you don't want me to be but I am. Hell, if you look at it, we've been dating one another for almost a year. I mean, I don't think either of us goes anywhere without asking the other if they want to go. We spend as much time together as apart.

"Your revelation doesn't surprise me," I continued. "But it doesn't change the way things are from my perspective. I can't set aside my feelings. I have tried — in this instance and in the past. It just doesn't work that way. So, like it or not, now that things are out on the table, things are different. Maybe we can forge a different friendship in the future. But knowing how you feel — that we are to be friends only — makes me a little hesitant to maintain the closeness of our friendship. I thought we were working toward something bigger. Now I know what we had was all there was. And I confess that I'm more than a little disappointed."

Melissa was stone faced.

"So what we had  wasn't enough," she said. "You hoped for more than what we had."

The emphasis on the word "had" was impossible to miss.

"It wasn't," I said. "At the time, it was enough. But now that I know there is nothing more, it isn't. You know how I feel about you. Right?"

"I thought I did," she replied harshly. "Now I'm not so sure."

"Really?" I asked in a gentle tone. "What's changed? Did you expect me to say, 'Aw shucks, Melissa, it's OK. I'll just bite my tongue when you decide you want to date someone else. I'll just sit here and put my life on hold while I wait for you'? Is that what you expected?"

"No," she said quickly. "I mean, I don't know. I didn't look at it that way."

"I've known, I guess, for a while, that you didn't look at me like I look at you," I said. "It's not a new situation for me and you would think I would recognize it earlier."

"But I do feel that way about you," she insisted. "I do love you, Todd. But not in the way you want."

"You love me like your favorite girlfriend," I said tersely. "I get it. We're buddies, pals. Like I said, I'm used to it. But I'm not going to be willing to invest as much time as I did into grooming our relationship for something that isn't going to develop into more than friendship. I don't mean that harshly. I only mean that places that you and I used to go are places that I will likely be taking a girlfriend in the future — if I can buy one or rent one or whatever. I guess a part of me hoped that is what you would turn out to be."

"So we can't even be friends?" she said. "This is stupid."

"We can be friends," I told her. "But I don't think we can ever be as close as we used to be. I know I am repeating myself, but I've been through unrequited love before. No matter how hard I would try, there was always a distance that I wasn't willing to bridge. The past few weeks are a prime example.

"I think a part of me understood that you would be upset when you didn't hear from me. And it certainly wouldn't have killed me to call you and see how things were with you. But I couldn't do it. Hell, I didn't want to do it."

"Damn it," Melissa said. "Damn it to hell."

I tried to smile.

"Like you said," I told her. "My timing is terrible. Are we still on for this weekend?"

Melissa looked at me.

"The concert," I said. "Backstage passes, the works."

"Yeah," she said sadly. "I guess so."

She looked up.

"Is that one of the places you would want to take a girlfriend?" she asked.

I considered the question.

"No," I said. "If you were to tell me now that you wanted to go, I would get your passes if I could. I mean, I made sure the passes are in your name. So you don't need to go with me at all. I mean, I'm sure I'll see you backstage but, you know what I mean."

She smiled a sad smile.

"I guess I do," she told me. "I am sorry. I mean, about everything. I know I should think of you like you think of me. I know that we get along so well that things probably would be great."

"You don't have to try to convince yourself," I said. "You're not attracted to me. You're not the first person to tell me I'm not prime boyfriend material."

Melissa's face got a harsh look.

"You're wrong," she said sadly. "When we first met, my first thought was 'fuck buddy.' Then we got to know each other. That's what so difficult, Todd. A part of me is very attracted to you. And in my heart, I know that you are the perfect guy for me. But my head tells me that I couldn't bear to risk losing you if things didn't work out. And things like that don't work out for me."

Suddenly Melissa was crying. I had never suspected she was capable of tears.

"Now I've lost you because I was too scared to let myself open up to you," she said. "I really hope we can stay close friends, Todd. I've never met someone I enjoy being with as much I do with you."

"I hope so, too," I replied. But in my heart, I knew we couldn't.



-------

Chapter 7


Melissa and I talked once or twice during the remainder of the week. But it wasn't the laughing, intimate conversations we had shared in the past. We chatted about mundane things and trivialities.

Finally, it was Friday and Greg called me early in the morning.

"We'll get to the arena about noon," he said. "We'll do a sound check and then head out for supper. You want to meet us and go to the show with us?"

I thought about it for a few moments.

"How long have you been on tour?" I asked. I'm sure Greg thought it was a random question.

"Uh, about three months," he answered. "Why?"

"I was just wondering when the last time you three had a home-cooked meal," I said. "How about I meet you folks at the arena and you come back here and I'll cook for you."

"No shit?" Greg said. "Any chance you have your mom's mashed potato recipe."

I laughed out loud.

"I have it," I said. "I can throw some steaks on the grill, make some mashed potatoes and we'll have corn on the cob. Does that sound like a plan?"

I heard Greg talking to the others. Suddenly Carrie's voice was on the phone.

"If you make your Mom's mashed potatoes, I'll love you forever," she said.

"Hey, you promised to love me forever once before," I replied "What happened to that? Is forever over?"

"OK, you caught me," she said. "I lied before. I really only loved you for 10 or 15 minutes that time. But this time, I promise, forever."

"Or until dessert," I added.

"Hey, yeah, don't forget dessert," Carrie said. "I'll bring dessert. Vanilla ice cream. That would just be perfect."

I heard Greg and Carrie struggling for the phone.

Carrie won.

"Is your girlfriend coming to dinner?" she asked in a sing-song voice.

"No," I answered. "I told you she wasn't my girlfriend. She confirmed that a few days ago."

Carrie was silent and I heard Greg pry the phone from her hands.

"Sorry, man," he said.

"Nothing to be sorry about," I replied. "We both know it's happened before. There is a high probability it will happen again."

"Uh, OK," Greg said. "I'm not sure what you and Carrie were talking about. I'm sorry she grabbed the phone."

"Oh," I answered. "So, what time is good for you? And will it be the three of you or just two?"

"All three," he said. "I mean, if that's OK."

"It's fine," I said. "I'm really looking forward to seeing you all."

"Can you meet us at the Fleet Center at 2:30?" he asked. "Make sure you bring an ID and I'll tell them to let you in."

I was getting ready to leave the house to pick up groceries when Melissa called.

"Are we driving together or separately?" she asked.

"What would you prefer?" I said.

"Together," she replied. "I mean it'll be easier. Do you want to go to dinner first?"

I was stuck. I wasn't sure if Greg, Kellie and Carrie were planning to ride back with me. I assumed since I was picking them up, they would need a ride back.

"I'm having some friends over for dinner beforehand," I said. "We're all going into the city together. They need to be there sort of early, so you can eat with us here if you want."

There was a definite sadness in Melissa's voice when she answered.

"I think I'll just drive in alone," she said.

"If that's what you want to do," I replied. "I'll meet you at the will call window about 7. Call my cell if you go in ahead of me so I don't wait for you."

"Fine," she answered tersely. "I'll see you at seven."

-------

It was a little before noon when Greg called back.

"Man, this place is an acoustical nightmare," he said. "We're not going to be done in time to come out for dinner. Is that a huge problem?"

I hadn't started to cook so it was no problem at all.

"Nah," I said. "I've got the steaks in marinade but that's all. I'll drop them in a baggy and we can have them tomorrow if you're free. Otherwise, I'll eat them this week."

"Tomorrow is a definite as long as it doesn't put you out," he said. "This place is really like a cavern. We are getting weird echoes all over the place."

"Hey, it's not called the Enema Center for nothing," I joked. "You're music is probably just bouncing off the bowels."

"Oh, yuck," he said. "Is that what it's named for? I thought it was a bank or something."

"It probably is," I replied. "It's probably just a coincidence that there is an enema brand with the same name."

I called Melissa back to see if she wanted to change plans. She alternated between sad and mad.

"So, I'm second choice now?" she asked irritably when I told her I was free because my friends were stuck in the city.

"I invited you out the first time," I insisted. "You weren't second choice. Hell, I had only finished making dinner plans 10 minutes before I talked to you. You're the one who said you wanted to go in by yourself. Am I supposed to beg you now? What the fuck?"

"You were right," she said. "Things are different. OK, we'll drive in together and have dinner. Then we'll go to the concert and have a great time. But tomorrow, we've got to talk. OK? I can't do this, Todd."

"My friends will be here most of the week," I said. "At least one of them and maybe all of them will be at my place for three or four days. They might be here starting tonight. Hell, I don't know. We haven't gotten that far. It's sort of seat of the pants, as you might have noticed. It's been a long time since I've seen a couple of them so it might be awkward. And it might be hard to find time to have a lengthy conversation in private."

Melissa returned to angry.

"This last month has sucked ass," she said. "I want you to know that. I didn't mean to hurt you, Todd. There is no reason for you to purposefully push me away."

"I know it wasn't personal, Melissa," I told her. "And I know you can't help what you don't feel any more than I can help what I do. We'll find some time to talk this weekend. Deal?"

"Deal," she answered. "But for tonight, can we just set things aside and have fun. Like we used to?"

We managed to do exactly that right up to the time we walked up to the will-call window of the Fleet Center.

Melissa went forward to claim the envelope with her name on it. The woman at the window handed it to her and pointed to me.

"Are you Todd Dumont?" she asked. I nodded.

"Ms. Macon, a security guard will escort you in," she said politely. "Mr. Dumont, will you wait here for a moment."

I looked at Melissa who nodded her assent.

"I'll see you inside," she said excitedly.

"OK," I answered. I stood there for a couple of minutes before another security guard led me in the same door Melissa had entered.

Kellie was standing there waiting for me.

-------

Kellie seemed unsure of herself. I had spoken at times to Carrie and Greg. Greg and I routinely sent e-mails back and forth almost weekly for two years. But I hadn't spoken or written to Kellie.

I greeted her with as warm a smile as I own. She seemed, I want to say, relieved.

"It's good to see you, Kellie," I stated. "You're looking well and you're sounding great."

She returned my smile.

"So are you, Todd," she said as she grabbed my hand. "Things seem to be going well for you."

We stood there looking at one another for what seemed like an eternity.

"I'm sorry you weren't here earlier," she said. "I had hoped to talk to you for a while but that really isn't possible now. We got so caught up things all those years ago that we never talked about what I did."

I knew she wasn't talking about the recording deal.

"There is no need," I said. "Not then and not now. We were kids. We were 15 years old. Are you planning to stay in Boston this week with the rest of them?"

Kellie fidgeted.

"I guess that depends on you," she said. "Do you hate me?"

"No, Kellie," I said firmly. "I never hated you."

She clutched my hand tighter.

"I'm sure you've heard the song I wrote," she said finally. "I wrote it about you."

She released my hand and headed into an area marked "private" before I could explain I had no idea what she was talking about.

I turned the next corner and was face to face with Melissa. She looked jumpy and nervous, a far cry from the elated, excited woman who had entered in the door not 10 minutes previous.

"Hey," I said.

She jumped at the sound of my voice even though I was standing in front of her.

"What's going on?" I wondered.

"Nothing," she said quickly.

I put my arm around her shoulder protectively.

"Did something happen?" I asked. "You, I don't know, you seem frightened."

I was surprised when she wrapped her arms around me tightly.

"I don't know, Todd," she told me. "Why didn't you tell me you knew the band? Why is that a secret?"

"I guess it's not a secret," I said. "But, well, I haven't been friends with them in years. We grew up together and went to high school together. I went off to college and they went off to fame."

"They're still your friends," Melissa said quickly. "At least Kellie is. I'll tell you about it later. She said the opening act canceled and they're starting early."

I glanced down at Melissa who still had her head on my shoulder.

"You spoke to Kellie, too?" I asked. "What about?"

She smiled meekly.

"You," she said. "Me, her, us. I don't know. I didn't talk much. I just listened mostly."

"Will wonders never cease," I said with an exaggerated sigh. "Melissa Macon listened."

Melissa pulled her head back and looked up at me.

"I guess I should have started earlier," she said. "C'mon, let's get down toward the stage. I was told it was this way."



-------

Chapter 8

I stood in the wings and watched Greg, Carrie and Kellie take their places on the opposite side of the stage. Kellie waved at us but Greg and Carrie seemed to studiously ignore us. I wondered if it was a pre-game ritual like the former NHL goalie who used to puke before each game.

I was about to comment when the lights went on and Trio took the stage. The Fleet Center had been sold out but since it was more than an hour before the main event was scheduled to start, the arena was one-quarter empty.

Still, the group lit into a song that I hadn't heard before. It was good, though.

Melissa still had hold of my arm but she had released me from her grasp. She was smiling now at least.

"Must be new stuff," I opined.

"Not really," Melissa told me. "It's off their first album. It was never a single."

She looked at me funnily.

"You didn't buy one of their CDs?" she asked.

I shrugged.

"How about the second album?"

I shrugged again.

"You didn't download it, shoplift it or borrow a friend's copy?"

Shrugs, like celebrity deaths, must come in threes. Who was I to break the string?

Melissa shook her head.

"Christ, you're hopeless," she said. "Well, at least some of the concert will be new to you. And I won't have to listen to you singing along."

A laugh lifted from Melissa throat.

"What?" I asked.

"I was just imagining you singing one of their songs," she said. "I mean, you're as uptight as any person I've ever met. I bet it would be hilarious."

"Possibly," I replied. "Although I have been told my singing voice is quite pleasant."

"And I've been told my ass looks fat in my favorite shorts," she said. "Don't believe everything you hear."

I elbowed her gently. I was aiming for the ribs but instead I felt soft breast beneath my arm.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "You must have shrunk in the last month or so." She grimaced, rubbed the offending spot and swatted my arm.

With the byplay with Melissa, I almost missed what was happening on stage. The Trio had finished their first number and Greg had come forward to stand beside Kellie's piano. Carrie had put down her guitar and walked over to stand beside him.

"We were so excited to be in Boston that we decided to start early," he said into the microphone. "Seriously, we had some miscommunication with the opening act. Rather than try to book another sound unheard, we decided to do some of the songs that didn't make it into our concert menu."

"But we are excited to be in Boston," Carrie said. "The fans here have always been great to us. We had to add another show tomorrow night. But we're excited for more reasons than that. One of our best friends lives here and is hearing Trio live for the first time. Well, not really. He heard us a bunch when we were younger."

"But we weren't called Trio then," Kellie said. "Mostly because there were four of us. A band called Trio with four members would seem a little strange. Of course, we were still a little strange but..."

The audience had stopped milling around and raced to their seats when they saw Trio was performing. Now they were listening intently. They laughed at Kellie's joke.

"We have developed quite a following over the last three years," Greg said. "I recognize some of you folks from Bangor, Maine, last night. We can't tell you how nice it is to see friendly faces when we walk out here. But there is a side to Trio that even our most die-hard fans don't know. First off, as Kellie said, we weren't always Trio — and we weren't always a trio. We started out as a garage band in North Olmsted, Ohio."

"And we've had a recording contract since we were 16 years old," Carrie added. "Our first song was on the radio almost 10 years ago. Not that you would know it. But I can almost guarantee that you've heard it. In fact, there are probably four or five of our songs many of probably know by heart. At least you do if you were a child 10 years ago or if you had children back then."

Melissa was tugging on my arm.

I shook my head and stared out at the stage.

"We were young and impulsive and naïve and arrogant," Kellie said. "And we got screwed by our recording label — big time. At least the three of us did. The fourth member of our group was wiser. He protected his interests and refused to let the prospect of fame go to his head."

"The rest of us resented him for it," Greg took over. "Because he refused to part with his dreams to go along with ours, we stopped being friends. I'm ashamed of the things we did back then."

"We all are," Carrie said. She was looking firmly at me. Melissa's tugging on my arm was more insistent. I looked at her. She mouthed one word: "You?"

I nodded.

"The recording label that owned our songs also owned our soul," Kellie said. "We couldn't perform the songs. We couldn't say publicly that we performed the songs and we couldn't perform under our original name because they owned that, too. But the person we pushed out of our band and out of our lives didn't give up on us. Before he left for Boston eight years ago, he gave us several songs to perform. Those I guarantee everyone in the audience will recognize. Tee, we treated you like crap but you are the reason we're up here. I hope you know that."

"But what goes around, comes around," Greg said with a smile. "The studio that owned our soul went belly up last year and it couldn't have happened to a nicer bunch of bastards. After much legal wrangling, we finally own the rights to the music I wrote and the rights to the name we recorded our first songs under. And we want to publicly try to make amends for the mistakes we made and the way we treated our friends those years before. Like Kel said, his words are the reason we're here."

"Of course the fourth member was smart enough to hold on to the rights to the words he wrote," Carrie said. "But while the three of us dreamed of being up here on stage in front of the fans and being on tour in wonderful cities like Boston, his dreams were smaller in scale — but far more worthwhile, in my opinion. He is an educator at a local school and, from what I've seen and heard, he is good at it. Those of you affiliated with Lake Howard Preparatory School know him as an English Lit teacher. But we remember him a little differently."

"To me, he is the best friend I ever had," Greg said with a touch of sadness.

"To me, he is the brother I never wanted," Carrie said with a chuckle.

Kellie walked over and stood 10 feet in front of me and Melissa.

"And to me, he is the one who got away," she said. "Tee, you can stay in the wings if you want. And I understand if you want to. But I would love to hear you sing your songs one more time. I've worn out the CD I have of you singing over the years. Even if you stand off-stage, please sing for us one more time. I hope you still remember the words."

Kellie looked toward the ground.

"I certainly do," she said as a tear glinted in the side of her eye.

Melissa was looking up at me expectantly. I walked out to meet Kellie. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. Greg and Carrie soon joined us.

"Standing up in front of 20 kids eight times a day for two years has lessened my stage fright," I said quietly to them. "At least here I don't have to worry about some little jerkoff nailing me with an eraser when my back is turned."

The laughter that resonated in the arena told me the mic was still on. Melissa was almost on the floor laughing.

Greg had a smile bigger than any that I've ever seen on him.

"Ladies and gentleman, performing live for the first time ever, I give you Todd Dumont on lead vocals, Kellie Clark on keyboard, Carrie McPherson on lead guitar and I am Greg Wyatt on drums.

"We are," he said then paused, "or at least we were, The Collection."

There was a small gasp from some in the audience who recognized the name and the media frenzy from a few years back.

Greg didn't hesitate. He whispered "Style over Substance" and away we went. I thought we would just go down the demo list. I remembered most of the words and had even sung a few of them in the shower over the years. But when we finished the first song, Kellie interrupted.

"If you heard my introduction of Todd, then you know there is a companion piece to the song we just performed," she said. "'Style over Substance' was written about me more than 11 years ago. The words are real and so is the story behind them. That's what makes it such a powerful song. Todd has written many of our songs over the past few years. It's a talent that he has that the rest of us up here don't share.

"I think we're getting a little better. Honestly, I think we were just too shallow to be able to craft a decent song. We could make the words rhyme but there was nothing to behind the words. Todd has the ability to take what he sees and what he feels and translate it into something more."

She smiled broadly.

"I'm sure that is what makes him a great teacher," she added. "Our first forays into songwriting were disasters. The first song I ever wrote was called 'schmaltzy' if I remember correctly. Honestly, the critique was accurate. The words rhymed but there was no substance. I have the honor of writing the only song from the three of us to appear on any of our CDs. It's on the charts right now, but since Todd is the inspiration behind the song, I hope no one minds if we sing it for him now.

"There is a real story behind this one, too," she continued. "And while I have the honor of writing it. I also had the heartache of living it. Todd, would you sit beside me on the bench?"

I walked over and sat down.

"It's called 'The One Who Got Away, '" she said and started in on a lilting piano solo. Greg picked up a light beat later and Carrie played softly on an acoustic guitar. It was the song Melissa had heard on the radio a month before. I'm glad I hadn't paid attention to the lyrics at the time.

'I always knew he'd be there

When I wanted him to be;

I kept him close enough 

He'd never be truly free. 

I saw the look in his eyes 

And knew just what he'd do; 

I knew he'd wait around 

As I did what I wanted to. 

I crossed the line too many times. 

He saw me out that day. 

And he became 

The one who got away.' 

Kellie's song carried me through our teen years and into the present. The song was symbolic. She viewed me as a guy she wished she had found time for but I was also the one who broke away from the group. I was the one who chose a different path.

I'll admit that I'm somewhat biased but I liked the song. I especially liked the feeling Kellie put into the lyrics and the haunting melody that Greg had written to be played behind it.

I touched Kellie's cheek when she finished wiping away a tear.

"I miss you, Todd," she said. "I really want to make sure we have time to talk this week."

It looked as if I was going to be doing a lot of talking that week. Who was I kidding? With Kellie and Melissa, I would be doing little talking and a whole lot of listening.

I stood up from the bench and walked over to Greg. He was looking at a list of songs he had on his drum head.

"Can I pick one?" I asked. He smiled. Carrie looked confused when I asked her for her guitar. I had learned to play from a French girl who was studying in England during my trip abroad. I learned a guy who can play a little guitar is a hit on the French beaches. Especially if you have a wealth of schlocky love songs stored up in your head.

I pulled out a stool and sat down in front of the mic.

"When The Collection was being collective disowned by our recording label, these three were doing their best to keep things alive," I said. "I however was vacationing in Europe for my 17th birthday. But one positive came from my visit to the continent. Well, actually, a lot of good things happened. I wrote about 20 songs that I passed off to Greg. And I learned to play the guitar so I wasn't such a useless lump on songs that I didn't sing.

"There is one other song in 'Tiger Tales'..."

I turned to Greg.

"Can I say that?" I asked. "I mean, do I owe royalties to those assholes now?"

He laughed out loud. I heard Kellie and Carrie laughing too.

"You can say anything you want," he said.

"OK, there is one other song in 'Tiger Tales' that I wrote," I said. "In fact, it's probably the favorite thing, at least to me, that I've ever written. I think I like it best because Kellie and I would sit side by side and perform it. Carrie, do you recall that kickin' sax part that you wanted to add to this on the track?"

She nodded.

"I saw a sax back there," I mentioned and she smiled. "Carrie wound up playing a whole lot of instruments while I was a part of this group. Mostly because I have no musical talent at all. So, I learned to play guitar so I could at least look like that I was contributing. I'll be the first to admit that I am nowhere near Carrie's proficiency on this thing. But I guess if I am honest, I'll admit that I always hoped we'd all get to play again. So I'm going to drag this stool over beside Kellie again. And I hope you'll indulge me a few missed notes and listen to 'A View from a Fool.'"

Carrie's sax portion added a completely new dimension to the song. The fact that she didn't have to play guitar opened up a range that we had never approached. She really went all out on the solo that concluded the song.

Her face was red but she was smiling like crazy.

"I hate you all," she said into the mic afterward. "I mean, you all have great stories and favorite songs. Well, I have a favorite too. It's one of the songs Todd wrote in Europe and it's my favorite because he wrote it for me to sing."

Someone in the crowd was a true fan because he screamed out, "To Hell with Them!"

In my limited knowledge of Trio, it was the only one where Carrie sang lead.

"That's right," she said. "And it's my statement to so many people. It was also my personal motto for many years. So Greg, hit it!"

Greg clicked off the upbeat tempo and Carrie laid down a screeching electric guitar lick. Kellie started wailing on the piano. I took the opportunity to walk over to visit with Melissa who was standing somewhat shell-shocked in the wings.

She was shaking her head.

"You do have a great voice," she said in awe.

"And your ass looks terrific in your favorite shorts," I added with a smile.

She returned the favor.

"Later, I want to show you something," she said. "You won't believe it."

"What do you want to show me?" I asked.

"I said show you and I said later," she said playfully. "But Todd, why did you never mention this? I mean, Jesus. You know I love these guys. And The Collection? When I was in my teens I went nuts when they didn't have 'Style over Substance' on the soundtrack. I mean, I saw the video and I loved the song. I mean, I loooved the song. It really pissed me off when I went out and bought the soundtrack and it wasn't on there. I finally recorded the music video off the Web. I still have it, Todd. I still watch it."

I didn't know what to say.

"It ended badly," I finally answered. "And we've always kept a portion of our lives personal. It's one of the things I like best about us. We understand there are things we'll talk about when we're ready and not before. Just like your childhood, I know that's off limits for now."

She patted my arm gently.

"The song is finishing up," she said. "You probably should go back out there."

I nodded.

"You're not off the hook for later," I said jokingly. "I'm hoping it's always been your fantasy to flash a rock star. Is it your boobs you want to show me later?"

She laughed and raised her eyebrows in mock sultriness.

"Actually, it's my kitty," she said and pushed me back on stage.

The next 45 minutes were surreal. It was like being back in time but with a different perspective to all the angst we were feeling at the time. Instead of worrying about things we just enjoyed it. It was one of the finest times of my life.

But it had to end. We wrapped up with the only original song from The Collection that no one had ever heard. I was surprised that the group still remembered the music — and that I still remembered the words to "The First Day of Winter."

Greg had arranged it so symmetrically. There was no overlap just meshing. I wondered why the studio hadn't chosen it for the movie.

I understood when I walked off to see Melissa crying.

"That is the saddest song I ever heard," she said. "Todd, is that how you feel about me?"

I didn't get the chance to answer because Greg, Carrie and Kellie were gathered around us.

"Come with us," Kellie said. "I have never had that much fun on stage."

"Seriously," Greg added. "Think about it. Just for the rest of the summer. Another three weeks. It could be great fun."

"I'd love you forever if you did," Carrie chipped in. "Shit, I already used that one. OK, I'll think of someway to make it worth your while."

Kellie slapped her arm — pretty hard.

"Bitch," Carrie said playfully.

"Slut," Kellie replied not quite as playfully.

Greg just shrugged (he gets that from me) and led me and Melissa away.

"We're going to take about 25 minutes to get things together and relax before we go back out," he said. "Do you want to hang with us in the green room or do you want to hang loose for a while."

"Green room," Melissa said. "Can I pretend to be a groupie?"

Greg looked at me for the answer.

"After you show me your kitty, you can do whatever you want," I answered.

"What have I walked into?" Greg asked no one in particular. Melissa and I just smiled.

"So, what is your answer?" she asked as we walked down the short hallway.

"To what?" I wondered, then I remembered her question. "I'm not sure. I mean, I was like 14 years old when I wrote that song. The whole world was a fucked up place when you're 14. I think what I feel for you is a more adult version of that though."

Melissa pulled me into an unused room.

"Two things," she said. "Then I'll show you my kitty cat."

I started to laugh until I saw how serious Melissa was.

"Kellie spoke to me when I first came inside," she said. "She was waiting for me and she wanted to talk to me alone."

I wasn't sure where this was going.

"She told me her song was about you," she said. "She also told me a few other things that she wants to tell you herself so I'll wait for those. But she told me that she could tell just from the sound of your voice what you felt for me. She told me not to expect you to wait around while I searched for something better. That is how she lost you. Todd, I'm not waiting for something better. I know I'll never find someone better. I just can't find a way to convince my head that we can be anything more than friends. I'm sorry."

I nodded my understanding.

"I recognized this evening that we can still be almost as friendly as we used to be," I said. "I'm sorry for thinking we couldn't. I guess I have grown up a little in the last 10 years or so. The situation with you and me and what happened with Kellie are different. We'll be OK and I'll eventually move on. I am, however, worried about what will happen to our friendship when one of us decides to move on."

Melissa looked at the floor.

"That is what I'm worried about," she said. "That is what I was thinking about when you came in tonight. I don't want to sit somewhere 10 years later and be like Kellie. I don't want to compare every guy to you and know before I do it that he'll come up short. That is what she does, you know."

I didn't believe it.

"I think you're overstating it," I told her. "I did the same for a lot of years. Not the teenaged girl I knew but hell, I liked Kellie since I was this tall."

I held my hand about four feet off the floor.

"I'm not overstating it," she said. "She told me almost word for word what I just said."

"Well, if it is any consolation, I'll compare them all to you now and they'll come up way short," I said with a rueful smile. "What was the second thing?"

She stared at me for a minute.

"Kellie wants to try to get you back," she said. "The real reason she wanted to talk to me was to ascertain our relationship. I got the first thing I told you when I said we were friends. She cares enough about you that she was willing to let things be if we were together and happy."

My eyes widened.

"Kellie can't get back what she never had in the first place," I stated. "She never felt that way about me."

"Didn't you listen to the words?" Melissa asked. "Talk to her."

She paused.

"I'm not sure of how I feel about things, Todd," she told me. "Maybe in the future, when my head is right, I'll think differently and I'll regret it. But for now, I guess, if you still have feelings for Kellie, you should explore them."

I chuckled.

"For now, you are supposed to be revealing something," I said. The elation I was feeling just a few minutes before on stage was evaporating quickly. I was tired of serious conversation. "Do you know how long I've waited to see your kitty?"

Melissa shook her head.

"This definitely might spoil you for other women," she said. She pulled the side of her shorts down a few inches. Definitely not as far as I hoped she would. Hell, I didn't even catch a glimpse of her panties.

What I did see was a character from "Tiger Tales," the very character who sang my songs.

"I told you I loved the song," she said. "You should have told me you wrote it and sang it. I used to fantasize not about flashing a rock star. I used to fantasize about the guy who sang those songs. Literally. I didn't have any idea of who you were but you were my fantasy lover when I was 17. When I was 18 — the day I turned 18 — I got this tattooed on my hip."

"Now you tell me this," I said in mock horror. "I could have sung you a song a year ago and caught you when you swooned."

"I didn't swoon a little while ago, so I think you exaggerate," she said playfully.

"I must say, after the lead up, the kitty showing was somewhat of a disappointment," I said. She slapped my arm.

"Just be careful," she said, "if you decide to spend time with Kellie. If she hurts you again, Trio will become Duet pretty fucking quickly. Those are also paraphrased from my conversation with her."



-------

Chapter 9


We found ourselves at my humble home — all five of us — after the show. The energy level didn't wane. We were all joking and laughing. A few beers after the show and we all piled into my car for the trip back to Chelsea.

Greg seemed pretty happy to have Melissa sitting on his lap. I was reserving judgment on that development.

Kellie sat up front and kept up a light patter with me. Carrie sat in the back with a bemused look. She would glance to her left at Greg and Melissa and then toward me in the front.

When we hit the house, Carrie was to the point.

"Where are we sleeping?" she asked. "It's after 1 a.m. and I'm beat. I've been awake since 5 a.m. So point me in a direction."

"Are we all staying here?" I asked. "I have one extra room and a couch. Unless we share, someone gets the floor. Melissa, you're not driving. I saw how many beers you drank."

"I get the spare room," Carrie said. "I don't care who sleeps with me unless you snore. That means Greg's out."

"I do not snore," he insisted. "I stayed awake all night once to check."

Kellie and I groaned and Carried rolled her eyes. But Melissa laughed like it was funnier than anything she had ever heard. I was certain that I had made better jokes than that. I noticed Kellie watching my reaction closely.

"Take the spare room," Kellie said. "I'll share space with you."

That left three of us and only two beds. It looked as if I would be sleeping alone if Melissa's reaction to Greg was any indication.

Oh well.

"Got a minute for a private chat?" Kellie asked me. I looked at over at Melissa and Greg who were enmeshed in a conversation so I nodded.

"So, how you been?" she asked jokingly. "Any surprises recently?"

"A couple," I admitted ruefully. "How about you?"

"No surprises," she said. "But a couple of interesting things have happened."

We spend a minute or two talking before Kellie got to the point.

"Do you think we can put things aside from the past?" she asked. "Is it possible that we can take a little while and get to know each other again? I won't pretend that things can go back to when we were 14. I'm sorry I was so stupid."

"C'mon, Kel," I said. "You were popular and pretty. I was average in just about everything. You shouldn't be surprised that I had a crush on you. It's not a surprise to me that you didn't think of me that way. You could have any guy you wanted. It's not a shock that you didn't want me."

"I did want you," she insisted. "The song I wrote was from the heart, Tee. I knew everything. I knew how much courage it took for you to ask me out. And I wanted to go. Then I saw a chance to increase my popularity. I mean, girls were waiting in line to go out with that guy. I figured I would go out with him once. Let everyone see me out with him and that would be it. Then when you asked me out again, we'd get together. Except you never asked me again.

"And even when I hinted that I wanted to you to ask me, you didn't. You asked someone else. Instead of telling you how much I really wanted to go to homecoming with you, I let my pride tell you that I only wanted to go as friends. I didn't. I knew that Carrie and Greg wanted to go solo. That's why I pressed her on it so much. I knew she would get fed up and tell me off. She finally did, you know. The only one who didn't play his part was you."

"I don't think it would have worked anyway," I said. "By that time, my feelings for you were dwindling."

Kellie looked at the floor.

"Why wouldn't they?" she asked. "I was a bitch. I broke a date to go out with someone else because I was shallow. I tried to manipulate you into taking me to homecoming. I did manipulate you into joining the band. I tried to browbeat you into doing everything I wanted you to. When you stood up for yourself, I turned mental. I hated you, Tee. I was embarrassed that you saw through me. I was so angry that you knew me for who I was and you broadcast that to the world."

"If you'll remember, I was opposed to it," I stated.

"I know," she said. "It took me a while before I realized how much it must have hurt you to know what you knew. It took me a while to stop looking at things from a selfish angle. Then I realized what we had done to you — what I had done to you. Then I thought about you from another side. I looked at the situation from your perspective. You didn't ask us to give up anything for you. You didn't ask me to change. You accepted me as I was. You just didn't want to date me."

I wasn't sure if that was what happened. But I guess it was close to the truth.

"I'm not the same girl I used to be," Kellie said. "Now that I'm an adult, I've recognized how childish and insignificant the things I thought were important were. I just want the time to show you that I'm more like the girl you liked that the one who lost you."

"I'm not opposed to that, Kellie," I said. "I've missed you and Greg and Carrie. But you have to admit that our lives are on pretty divergent paths. Actually, I don't think I'm even on a path. I've found a spot that I like. You've found what you've always wanted."

Kellie smiled slightly.

"Maybe I've found part of what I wanted," she said. "I admit that I wanted to do what I'm doing. I enjoy it and I like parts of being famous. But this isn't the only thing I want out of my life."

"You want it all," I said in what I hoped was a playful voice. "You always did."

I probably should have left the last sentence off but I didn't. I found I didn't regret it.

"I did want it all," she admitted. "I wanted you to wait for me to be ready for you. I wanted people to know who I was and I wanted them to envy me. I wanted the money and the fame. I've got everything but the first."

Laughter escaped before I could stop it.

"I know. I was self-centered enough to expect that you would wait, Tee," she said sadly. "All I'm asking is that you let me spend time with you."

"How are we to do that?" I said. "My life doesn't exactly lend itself to 100-day, 70-city tours. There are reasons why relationships between famous people and normal people don't work."

This time it was Kellie who laughed.

"I'm not sure you qualify as a normal person," she joked. "But our life isn't going to like this forever. We're coming off the road at the end of the tour. It hasn't been released yet, but Carrie is getting married in December."

"Your manager?" I asked. I had seen them in the greenroom after the show and they seemed to have more than a working relationship.

"Astute observation," Kellie mused. "You picked that up quickly. They are always professional at the venues. What did you see?"

"Nothing really," I said. "Carrie was always somewhat reticent to show emotion. I mean, we all saw the big ones — happy, sad, angry — but you had to really be close to her to get some of the lesser ones. I could tell she was close to him because she was willing to cry in front of him."

Kellie nodded.

"See, you're not normal," she said. "No one else would have noticed that."

I had noticed some other things but I decided it probably wasn't the best time to mention it.

"And we're taking a few months off after," Kellie continued. "I'd like to spend some of that time in Boston."

"Boston is a pretty big city," I said. "I'm sure you could get clearance if you used your influence."

"I want to spend part of that with you," she amended. "It looks like Greg might want to spend part of that time here, too. Are you OK with that?"

"Undecided," I said. But there were some things I had made a firm decision about.

"Kel," I said. "I think it will be fine for us to try to rebuild the friendship we lost. If we can do that, more might come from it. But I think it would be hasty for either of us to look any farther than friendship for the time being."

I could see Kellie was unhappy with my pronouncement. But she recovered quickly.

"That's all I'm hoping for, Tee," she said. "Anything more will have to come from a basis in friendship to be successful. But, Tee, I know how I feel about you."

Unfortunately, I had a pretty good idea how she felt about me, too.

-------

The house was dark when we walked back inside. I dared not enter the living room for fear of what I might see. Instead, I walked with Kellie down the hallway and showed her to where she would be sleeping.

She glanced toward the door to my bedroom but instead of saying anything, she gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.

"See you in the morning," she said cheerfully. I nodded and watched her enter the room she would share with Carrie.

I opened the door to my room with a sigh and I was startled to see a light coming from beneath my bathroom door.

"Be out in a minute," I heard Melissa say. Sure enough, a few moments later she emerged wearing a pair of my shorts and a T-shirt.

"I borrowed some clothes," she stated. "I left my toothbrush in there. Is that OK? I figured I would need it again in the morning."

Melissa and I had spent the night at the other's house — her in my spare room and me on her couch — on a few occasions (usually after we split a six-pack or a bottle of wine) so we each had a toothbrush at the other's abode. Melissa's usually resided in half-bath in next to the spare room.

"It's fine," I said. "I'm going to get ready for bed. I'll see you in the morning."

She nodded and padded over to the night stand where she sat a glass of water she had been carrying.

"Do you sleep on the right or left side?" she asked.

"Uh, either," I said. "Sometimes in the middle. Sometimes I just sprawl from corner to corner. Why?"

"You don't get the whole bed tonight," she said. "I sleep better my right side. Is it OK if I take the left half?"

I shrugged my assent and went to brush my teeth and rid myself of the two beers I had.

Melissa was lying directly in the middle when I came out.

"I can take the floor if you want," I told her.

She shook her head and patted the bed beside her. There was barely room for me but Melissa didn't move. Instead, she put her head on my shoulder and her arm across my chest.

"I love you, Todd," she said. "I think I always have."

-------

I lay on my back looking at the ceiling and listening to Melissa talk.

"I was worried about you," she said. "And so was Greg. Tonight was an act. I didn't like what I saw this evening and neither did he. I'm sorry if I hurt you, Todd. It wasn't what either of us wanted."

"I wasn't hurt," I said. "I was maybe a little out of sorts. But Greg is a good guy. I knew he would never hurt you. Mostly, I just want you to be happy."

"I'm glad you said that," she told me. "And you're right. Greg is a good guy and he would never hurt me. But he would hurt me before he hurt you again. I saw you looking at us from time to time. The whole thing was just to protect you. Well, that and to protect me, too."

I was going to ask for an explanation for the last statement when my bedroom door opened slowly. I worried that it would be Kellie but it was Carrie instead.

Her eyes widened when she took in the scene on the bed.

"Uh, I didn't expect you here," she said, not kindly I should add, to Melissa. "You didn't strike me as the bed-hopping type. But what do I know."

Melissa smiled and patted the spot on the bed beside her.

"I was just telling Todd about my nefarious scheme to watch out for him," Melissa said. "Greg and I saw a couple of things tonight that didn't sit well with us. We, uh, OK I decided to try to keep Todd off balance to make sure he wasn't steamrolled."

Carrie smiled.

"I told you I liked this one," she said. "It was what I was coming in here to talk to him about."

I could feel Melissa shift closer to me.

"Carrie, I don't mean any offense, so please don't be mad," she said. "But I think I know Todd better than you do. I knew if I started acting like an ass, he'd watch out for me. I do the same for him, by the way."

"Unfortunately," I chimed in, "we know this from firsthand experience."

Melissa continued as if I hadn't spoken.

"So, I convinced Greg to play along," she said. "I latched on to him and we pretended to drink excessively and act like we were enamored with the other. So, I sat on his lap in the car and laughed at all his jokes. But I knew it would be enough to keep Todd distracted so that he wouldn't let himself be lulled into security. He would be watchful for me. He would make sure I didn't disappear for too long and he would keep an eye on everyone else in the room, too."

Carrie laughed.

"Judging from were you're lying, I assume it worked," she said. "Honestly, I don't think Kellie even noticed what she was doing."

"I agree," Melissa said. "Are we talking about the basketball players?"

Carrie nodded.

"When she did that, Greg had a look of sheer frustration on his face," Melissa continued. "Todd, do you know what were talking about?"

It was something else I had noticed.

"Nope," I deadpanned. "I'm a complete moron who was so overcome with emotion at the reunion that all my senses just went on vacation."

Melissa and Carrie looked at one another.

"OK, so you know," Melissa said. "At least there is that. Anyway, Greg looked at me and said, 'Security blanket.'"

"Exactly," Carrie said. "Kellie doesn't act that way. She is usually polite but completely shy around guys like that. But now that Todd was around, she knew that he would be there when she got back. I was so mad that I started to cry. I just wanted to grab her and shake her."

"Oh, I wouldn't have stopped at shaking," Melissa said. "When she handed Todd her drink and left him standing there for 10 minutes while she chatted up those Celtics players, I just about lost it. You were dangerously close to having to rename your group again. She gave one of them her number, for Christ's sake."

"I know," Carrie said in a shocked voice. "Mark had to stop me from going over there."

"He seems like a nice guy," I said — mostly just to contribute to the conversation. "I hope you two are very happy."

Carrie smiled.

"You're right," she told Melissa. "Todd was on high alert."

"I bet I can name every male you've cried in front of in your life," I said. "You have to feel especially close to someone before you'll do that."

I felt another hand on my arm.

"You're right," she said. "And I won't take your bet. You always were so much more aware of everyone else than we were. You were always such a good friend. So, I'm going to be a good friend and go back to bed. May I assume that you told Kellie that anything past friendship is out?"

"I told her we had to work on becoming friends again first," I told them. "Look, I understood what was happening. When she saw those guys walk in to the greenroom, I saw the look on her face. The next thing I know, it's like we're 15 again. I'm holding her glass and she's holding court. Do you really think I would miss that or put myself through that again?"

"I didn't know, Todd," Melissa admitted. "I know you held pretty powerful feelings for her. Those don't go away easily."

"No," I admitted. "They don't. But they do go away eventually. I really do appreciate the lengths you went to. And I'm glad the three of you feel close enough to me to want to protect me. But I was in no danger of just walking blindly into something. Melissa, you know me better than that."

"I do," she said. "But I don't know Kellie. I mean, she seems nice enough. And Greg was quick to tell me that what she did is out of the norm. I also expect she would have ditched the basketball players in a heartbeat if she saw me talking to you. If I got within 10 feet of you all evening, she grabbed your arm or steered you away. I don't think it was necessarily intentional. But she was somewhat territorial. So, I hatched my brilliant scheme."

Carrie laughed as she walked to the door.

"I'm going to lock this," she said. "Kellie asked me if I thought you would mind a late-night visitor. I told you that I suspected you might want a little bit of time to mull the situation."

She stopped and turned back to Melissa.

"Next time, do my blood pressure a favor and let me know what's going on," she said. "I was as mad at you and Greg as I was at Kellie."

Melissa dipped her head and smiled.

"Didn't you say something about going back to bed?" she asked jokingly.

Carrie flipped her off and went through the door.



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Chapter 10


"OK, so you know about the plan," Melissa said after returning to her spot on my shoulder. She took my hand and placed it on her hip. "Now I want to tell you the rest of it.

"When I saw you walking into the room with Kellie holding on to you arm, I was worried. At least I thought I was worried. I didn't want you hurt again. The longer you stood talking to her, the worse it got. Then I realized that I had felt the feeling before. It was right before school ended when Ali Thompson asked about you."

My ears perked up.

"Ali Thompson asked about me?" I asked playfully. "And I'm just now hearing about it?"

Melissa gracefully plucked one of my few chest hairs. It hurt.

"She asked me if you and I were dating," she informed me. "I told her that we were just friends. She got a sad look and told me she wished she would have known that earlier but she would certainly be in contact with you as soon as she got back to Boston."

"OK," I said. "I'm not sure I see where this is going. But, OK."

"She is going to ask you out as soon as her summer teaching post is over and she is back in town, moron," Melissa said and another of my chest hairs was gone. "I felt the exact same way when Ali said she planned to ask you out as I did when I saw you standing with Kellie. It wasn't worry. It was jealousy! And not jealousy that someone else was going to be your friend. It was because someone else was going to be your girlfriend. You were right, Todd, when you said our friendship wouldn't withstand one of us dating someone else. I didn't realize it at the time, but it is a fact."

I groaned.

"So now I get to be celibate," I said. "Fantastic."

"You're not paying attention," she said. "You're out of chest hairs. But I'll go lower if I have to. Now focus."

I did my best to comply.

"I was jealous because I want to be your girlfriend," she said. "I was jealous because I am totally, hopelessly, desperately in love with you. I don't want you to date anyone except for me."

"Oh," I said.

"Oh," Melissa laughed and I felt her hand slide down my chest. I grasped it quickly. "I lay my heart bare and I get 'Oh'?"

"What changed your mind?" I said.

"Nothing changed my mind," she said. "I've always felt this way about you. It was just so different — so much better — than I've felt about another guy. I didn't see it for what it was. I was so scared of being hurt or of hurting you that I just closed my eyes. Even when we talked last week, I refused to admit it to myself. I'm sorry that I had to have someone make a play for you right before my eyes before it hit me."

Melissa's hand was tracing circles on my chest.

"Uh," I stammered.

I was met with the giggle that I so enjoyed.

"That's what I love most about you," she said. "You're so articulate. Your vocabulary leaves me speechless."

I chucked involuntarily.

"Are you serious?" I asked.

"Not really," she confessed. "Sometimes your vocabulary is a bit repetitive."

"Not about that," I said. "Is this still part of your plan to make sure I don't make a mistake? Because I got the point if it is."

Melissa's hand stopped abruptly and she sat up.

"No, Todd," Melissa said with tears in her eyes. "No. It was a bad idea, what I pulled tonight. But I would never toy with your emotions. I would never play with your mind this way."

"Just checking," I said. "Sorry. I'm a little off kilter. Things are moving a little fast. Let's set down tomorrow and figure out how your revelation affects things."

Melissa stared at me. More tears came to her eyes so I clarified.

"I don't want you to rush into anything," I said quickly. "I don't want you changing your mind about something you were so adamant about earlier this week — hell, earlier tonight — because of you had a couple of beers and got maudlin."

"I'm not maudlin," Melissa insisted in a sultry voice. "But sure, if I wake up after cuddling with you all night long and holding you close to me, feeling your body next to me and decide I've changed my mind, no hard feelings. Right?"

She put her leg across my middle and slid my hand back on to her hip. She left it there for a moment then slipped it into her shorts and under her panties.

"Don't you dare move that hand," she said. She tilted my head toward her and kissed me gently. "I love you. Night."

Amazingly, I awoke in the same position as I fell asleep. Melissa's head rested on my shoulder with her arm across my chest. The puddle of drool on my chest suggested she had slept soundly.

My hand had worked its way down and I had cupped her butt cheek. I started to slide my hand back to hip but she held it firm.

"Uh-uh," she said. "The hand stays — even if I have to remove it from your wrist."

-------

Kellie was sitting at the table with Greg and Carrie when I came down the hallway. They seemed to be having an intense conversation.

She smiled brightly when she saw me. The smile faded quickly when she saw Melissa was tagging along behind me — pinching my butt as she followed me down the hall. I'm not certain Kellie saw Melissa pinch me. But she certainly saw me jump.

"Ah, hi," she said.

"Did you guys sleep well?" I asked.

I got two nods and a blank stare.

Kellie glanced toward Greg. Then she glanced toward Carrie. Then she glanced toward me. Then she glared toward Melissa.

"So, what's the plan for today?" Melissa asked sweetly. "What time do you guys have to back in the city?"

"We should be there by 5," Carrie said with a smile. "Do we have time for a tour of the city? I've always wanted to see the harbor and Bunker Hill."

I looked at Greg who was trying to stifle a smile.

"Yeah," I said. "We can do a tour, have some chadda, maybe even visit Hyannisport, you know the Kennedy compound. Hey Greg, you wanna check out Hahvid?"

OK, my Boston accent is awful. But chadda is chowder and Hahvid is Harvard. I'll try not to do that again.

"Not so much," he said. "Although ... I could find me a rich woman to take me away from all this."

Carrie coughed. It sounded like she said "bullshit" but I couldn't be sure.

"Why don't you call Mark," I suggested. "It can be family fun time. I tried to get tickets for a Red Sox game. They're in Baltimore this week."

"Maybe Kellie can score us some Celtics tickets next season," Greg said. "I mean, when the guy calls you."

Fuck!

"Greg," I said but Carrie cut me off.

"No, Tee," she said. "I'm interested in learning if we can get tickets. I'd love to see The King play in the Garden. Can you set that up for us, Kel?"

Kellie didn't know where to look.

"I just gave him a fake number to leave me alone," she said. Then she closed her eyes.

"I gave him my number," she admitted. "And I have no idea why. I certainly don't want to go out with him."

"Guys, it's OK," I said.

"It's not OK," Kellie screeched. "God damn it. Why in the fuck do I do things like this? What in the hell goes through my head? Jesus, Todd. I'm so sorry. That was so fucked up for me to act that way."

I shrugged.

"Actually, you probably did Todd a huge favor," Melissa said. "I know you did me a huge favor. Do you remember our conversation yesterday? Well, I come to a realization when I saw you with Todd. And I came to a bigger decision when I saw you dick Todd over for a douchebag from the Celtics. C'mon, a Sox player, I get. A Celtic, get real."

I tilted an eye toward Melissa.

"Oh, please, Todd," she said. "That closer comes on to me, you are toast. You can pick someone, too. It's fair."

"Ooh, ooh, ooh," Carrie said. "Pick me, pick me. We'll go straight to the bedroom. C'mon, Tee. You're my freebie with Mark so we can totally do it."

Kellie didn't seem amused.

"What? I'm a celebrity, too," Carrie insisted.

"Oh hell," Melissa said. "I forgot you actually have access to getting laid by celebrities. OK, the Red Sox closer is out. Carrie, put your panties back on."

OK, I actually looked to see if she was joking. Of course she was but Melissa still slapped my arm — hard.

"What?" I said. "I always pictured Carrie as a thong girl. I was checking to see if I was right."

"Granny panties," Kellie said. "Now if you would have checked mine out..."

Carrie tossed a piece of toast at Kellie.

"Grannies?" she asked. "I am so not grannies. But I'll admit that I don't like floss in my butt either."

Greg simply shook his head.

"So, you want to hit the harbor first?" he asked.

-------

"Are you going on tour with them?" Melissa asked me after our day in Boston.

"No," I said. "That was fun last night but one-night only is best for the reunion of The Collection."

I thought for a few moments longer.

"Without last night, I might have," I continued. "But I think I'm ready to put that behind me and move forward with my life."

"You can go if you want to," she insisted. "I mean, we're not married or anything."

I couldn't help it. I smiled.

"So that means when we get married that I can no longer make decisions for myself?" I wondered.

"Exactly," Melissa said.

"Well, some decisions," she added. "Maybe. I'll probably let you pick a couple of small decisions to start out with. If you prove you can make the little ones, I'll let you move up. Nothing serious. You won't ever get to make a big decision again. But I will accept your input before I make the big decisions."

I think she was serious.

"Are your friends still staying for the week?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said. "Even Kellie wants to stay. We're just going to hang out. You're welcome to join us, you know."

"Oh, you can bet I'll be there," she said. "I think maybe we should use your house and my apartment to house everyone. Is Mark staying, too?"

"I think so," I said.

"So, Mark and Carrie and Kellie can stay at my apartment," she said. "You, me and Greg at your place. That way everyone gets a bed — or at least a couch."

"Just so you don't plan to re-enact your ruse with Greg," I joked. "Otherwise, it's Kellie at our house, Greg at the apartment."

"Our house?" Melissa asked.

"Sorry, slip of the tongue," I said.

"Hey, you said it yourself," she stated. "We've been dating for more than a year."

"Without the sex," I cut in. "I've bought you dinner; I've taken you to ballgames and plays; still you don't come across."

I was trying to be lighthearted.

"If your friends weren't over last night, you would have seen," she said. "I mean, you woke up with your hand on my ass."

"Yeah, sorry about that," I replied.

"Hah," Melissa said. "I put it there. I was going to try for down the front of my shorts but your elbow doesn't bend that way. Wanna skip the show tonight? We can go back to our house, play around for a while, then pick up the gang after and go clubbing."

"Nah," I answered. "No quickies for us. At least not yet."

Melissa patted my arm gently.

"This is not weird," she said. I couldn't be sure if she was being facetious so I said nothing.

"I mean it," she continued. "Absolutely nothing has changed with us. We added a new element but I think it was always there so it's natural. I'm happy, Todd. I really am."

"It's not too late to go back to the way thing were," I said. "I mean, it might be awkward but we'll be OK."

"Is that what you want?" she asked suddenly. "Do you want to go back to the way things were? It's OK..."

I cut her off.

"This is what I've always wanted," I said. "I've always felt this way about you. I've always hoped that this is how we'd end up."

I got a smile and a warm kiss. I really enjoyed the way Melissa kissed me. It almost left me breathless.

"I think tonight we let the group have our house and you and I take our apartment instead," she said. "We'll switch back tomorrow night if you want but tonight I want you to myself."

I didn't want to argue with her sentiment but I figured I would let the night play out.

The greenroom was a buzz of activity when Melissa and I walked in. Greg, Carrie and Kellie were going over some lineup changes and Mark was off in a corner on his cell phone. He smiled and waved when he saw us.

Melissa and I stood watching for a moment before everyone suddenly crowded around us.

"Can you sing with us tonight?" Carrie asked.

"Were you serious about releasing the rights to your songs?" Mark wondered.

"What have you been doing for the past 90 minutes?" Greg joked.

Kellie was silent but she was still there.

I glanced toward her with raised eyebrows.

"Greg took mine," she said.

I smiled.

"OK, here goes," I said. "No, yes and none of your business."

The four of them looked at one another.

"He doesn't plan to sing," Melissa clarified. "He plans to release his songs to you. And we've been hanging out and talking."

Everyone seemed satisfied except Carrie.

"Why don't you want to sing? Last night was more fun than I can ever remember," she said.

"It was," I said. "I had a great time. It exceeded by far my wildest imagination of what it would be like. That is perhaps the best reason I can think of for leaving things as they are. Nothing could top last night; anything I would do tonight would be less than it."

Kellie smiled at me.

"Go out on top?" she asked.

"Something like that," I replied. "But that's not all of it. I mean, I really enjoyed watching you three last night. I really enjoyed spending time you all today and yesterday. I really enjoyed waking up this morning with the woman I love. Hell, I'll never have a better 24 hours than the past 24 hours."

Kellie glanced away but I could see a tear in her eye.

"Yeah, Tee," she murmured. "I'm happy for you. I really am."

Melissa put her hand on Kellie's shoulder. It was a move that surprised me. I'm sure it surprised Kellie as well.

"You get to be friends, Kellie," she said softly. "It is more than you could hope for if you dated and things ended. Look at your lives. You have very little in common and you haven't seen each other in 8 years. Todd is way different from what you remember. I'm sure you are different, too. But do you really see Todd giving up his career to travel with you? Or do you see yourself giving up your career to stay here with him?"

Kellie was barely audible when she replied.

"No," she said. "But I figured we'd find a way."

Carrie added her arm around Kellie.

"If Mark wasn't on tour with us, we never would have gotten together," she said. "Even if we would have, it would have been hard to stay together. After our break, we'll all be ready to hit it hard again. That means 9 or 10 months out of the year, you'd be in one place and he'd be in another. You two don't know each other well enough for that to work."

Kellie smiled gamely.

"I never really got to that part in my head," she confessed. "I never really got past the part where we meet again, I tell him how I feel and we fall in love. The reality doesn't live up the fantasy."

"It never would have," I told her. "Even if everything fell into place like you imagined, the real world would always have intervened. But I am happy that you and I are going to try to regain the friendship we lost."

"I lost," Kellie said bitterly. "The friendship I lost."

Melissa hugged her a little harder.

"But now you get two friends for the price of one," she said. "And I can be a petty good friend — even to a dumbass like Todd."

-------

The week was enjoyable for me on many levels.

Greg and I settled back into an easy friendship. We had always felt comfortable around the other. There were portions of the other's lives that we had missed and we caught up on those. But mostly we reminisced about the jokes we'd played and the girls we'd chased.

It was nice to come to grips with that portion of my life.

I also spent time with Kellie and Carrie. I was never as close to them as I was to Greg but we had been friends. Carrie filled me in on her upcoming wedding and made constant jokes about things we'd done when we were younger.

Kellie wasn't as talkative. The conversations with her were more reflective. She wanted to clear the air about our past but I considered the subject to be closed. It was in the past and some portions of the past are better forgiven and forgotten.

I was somewhat surprised how easily the four of us found common ground. I was equally surprised at how easily Melissa slipped into the group. So I suppose it comes at no shock that I was surprised at how easy it was for Melissa and me to re-invent our relationship.

I had expected some awkwardness but really there was none. I had expected some reluctance on her part but if there was any I didn't see it. We simply went from friends to lovers. Perhaps it was a natural progression.

The time Melissa and I shared alone was limited while Greg, Carrie and Kellie were around. But after four activity filled days, the trio from Trio went back to their lives.

And Melissa and I got started on making one together.


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The End
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Posted:  2009-05-12
Last Modified: 2009-05-21 / 04:28:24 pm
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