Storiesonline.net ------- A Picture's Worth by Eon Copyright© 2005 by Eon ------- Description: Ethan Wolfe might be perfect, if he wasn't such a judgmental prude. And although he certainly looks like the man of her dreams, Beatrice Johansen is not about to put up with his attitude. Sassy and street-smart, Bea sets out to show him that a person's worth can't be measured in mere words; even if you've got a thousand to spare. Codes: MF slow rom cons het oral mastrb pett ------- ------- Chapter 1: A Request "You have to be there! You promised!" Ethan Wolfe tried not to wince. It was amazing how much energy a seven-year-old could have, especially one who had braces on her legs and needed crutches to get around. Smiling, he reached over and ruffled her short blonde hair. He'd been so glad to find he could fit in as well here as he had back home. Aria was his only charge at the group home, but he was welcome there even when he wasn't helping her. Ethan shifted his old on her, shifting her more comfortably onto his hip, as he carried her down towards the small stable at the bottom of the hill. "And I will," Ethan assured her. "If twenty degree whether couldn't keep me away, the threat of a little rain won't, either." "I'm going to show everyone how well I can ride," Aria insisted. "Jill said she'd try to find someone with a video camera so she could tape it for me!" "Not that I don't think this is great, Ari," Ethan said, "but couldn't you have waited until it got a little warmer to do this?" Aria gave him an indignant look. I'll take that for a no, Ethan thought, fighting a smile. He could understand why she was so enthusiastic; she no longer needed his help to control her pony. Still, she'd decided that she'd show everyone else in the group home on the day of her birthday. Current weather predictions insisted there would be rain, which was bad enough. But Aria had also decided she wanted to have a tape of her achievements, too. The group home couldn't afford things like a camcorder. The stable and the few ponies belonged the people who owned the land and buildings. They lent use of the ponies and the building, but they didn't pay for anything the home needed. Ethan knew someone who might be willing to lend a camcorder; at least, he hoped so. She wasn't his friend, she was his cousin Alanna's friend, but maybe she would help. In all honesty, he didn't like the impression he'd gotten from her. The redhead was too outgoing and flirtatious, and his brother and sister had told him they got the impression she was promiscuous, too. Ethan didn't like promiscuous women, but when he'd mentioned this worry to Bailey, his sister had read him the riot act. I know I shouldn't judge, he thought, sighing inwardly. It's just... "Ethan!" Aria punched him in the shoulder, although it didn't really hurt. "You're staring off into space again. Are you thinking about your girlfriend?" "I don't have a girlfriend, Ari," Ethan told her, keeping his voice patient. "I've told you that." "I know," Aria said, lifting her chin. "You wouldn't two-time me, you're too nice for that." Ethan managed not to laugh. Aria was one of the most precocious children he'd ever met; sometimes too precocious. It's a good thing she's turning eight rather than eighteen, he thought, or she'd want to start dating me as a birthday present. Smiling to himself, he reached up and pushed the barn door open. Ethan set Aria down on a large tack box nearby one of the stalls, then went to ready the pony. "I wanted to help," Aria complained, as he led Spots out into the aisle. "It's too cold, sweetheart," Ethan told her. "I shouldn't even be doing this. Jill will murder me when she finds out." Spots was a fat, furry pony but he wasn't temperamental in the way of most ponies. He didn't really have spots, either; they were more like splotches, white and orangey brown, marking him as a skewbald. Ethan brushed the pony down, then saddled and bridled him. He set Aria on the pony's back before releasing him from the crossties, then clipped a leadshank onto Spot's bridle and led him outside. He didn't mind the cold so much, but he wished Aria hadn't insisted upon going out. The last thing he wanted was for her to get sick. Granted, she was bundled up enough for two children, but he worried anyway. His sisters were always telling him he worried too much. I'm their brother, after all, Ethan thought, smiling wryly. I'm supposed to worry about them, or what good would I be? But maybe he really did worry too much. Since his parents had passed away, it was up to him to keep watch over his family. ------- It was getting late when Ethan finally reached the house of his cousin, Gabriel. It was their family night, and although he didn't generally join in, he knew that Bea was their often enough. He didn't know her car, so he couldn't tell if it was there. The front door was left unlocked, so Ethan simply walked in. It was warm and bright, and friendly conversation spilled from the dining room. He pulled off his coat and left it on a hook by the door, then stepped into dining room. Two seats were empty, plates still sitting on the table; Sydney and Elijah must have been doing their homework. There's too many of us, Ethan thought. It was part of the reason he never attended. But Bea was there, sitting next to Alanna and speaking quietly with her and her boyfriend, Drake. She was really pretty, actually. Her hair was a brilliant red in color, hanging just below her shoulders, her skin was the typical alabaster of a redhead, and her eyes were soft jade green. Not to mention she had a killer figure, and there had been a time when Ethan could have really appreciated that. Those days are gone, he thought, shaking his head. And there's no way I'd ever go back to that. Not after what had happened. "Well, look who's here," Gabriel's wife, Aislinn, teased. Her pale blue eyes were lit with warmth. "Would you like some dessert, Ethan?" "Don't say no," Gabriel put in, smiling as well. "You'll regret it, believe me." "Actually, I don't really have time," Ethan said quietly. "I just wanted to see if Bea was here. I needed to ask her something." She looked up at him, obviously startled. Bea looked away, and he thought she might have been blushing. Nah, Ethan thought, women like that don't blush. She did rise from the chair however and, flashing a small smile, headed into the living room. He followed, wondering yet again why she seemed to dislike him so much. Bea had a bright, nearly flirtatious smile for everyone--except him. She doesn't even know me, Ethan thought, but for some reason she doesn't like me. She dropped down onto the couch, pulling her legs up beneath her and smoothing down the long white skirt she was wearing. Bea was also wearing a large, oversized, ribbed green sweater. It was odd to see her in something so... chaste-looking. Ethan settled in the armchair across from the couch. "I needed to ask for a favor," he explained to her questioning look. Bea's eyebrows rows. "From me?" "Well, yes," Ethan said. He shifted uncomfortably. "It's for one of the children at the group home. She's been learning to ride, you see, and she can do it on her own now. She wants to show everybody." "What do you need me for?" Bea asked, her expression still wary. "She wants a tape of it as a memory," Ethan replied, smiling sheepishly. "Ari is doing so well... a few years ago the doctors said she would never be able to walk without her braces, but now they think she'll be strong enough someday." He realized, belatedly, that Bea knew nothing about Aria. At least, he'd never told him. But she was smiling in a warm, tender way that brought him to a surprised halt. Most people, especially women, did perk up when he mentioned that he worked with disabled children. Usually it was just the human need to be nosy, which drove Ethan crazy. But he reminded himself that Bea was friends with the Wolfe family; Gabriel worked with children too, so she had to be used to it. "You want to borrow my camcorder, right?" Bea asked. Ethan frowned. "Well um... if you have time to show me how to use it..." "Well, you must have used one before," Bea said, smiling teasingly. "Who hasn't?" "Me," he answered, chagrined. "Ah, look... the home can't afford their own... but this is really important to Ari..." "I'll help you," Bea assured him. "Believe me, if I can't teach you to use this thing, no one can." Well, that's the hard part, Ethan thought, sighing. He pushed his hair back from his face as he considered what exactly to say. The problem was that he didn't exactly have a lot of spare time between now and Aria's birthday. He'd pledged some extra hours to the home this week, and there were his usual charges, he'd promised to help Sydney with her latest essay for her college prep class... and that was the tip of the iceberg. Ethan was used to being busy, but even for him, this was a little too much. ------- The day was dim and gray, and freezing cold. Another beautiful day in the life of Beatrice Johansen, she thought, sighing heavily. My fingers feel like Popsicles! But her gloves were too heavy and she wouldn't be able to use her camcorder with them on. I know I promised Ethan I'd be here, Bea thought, I'm just not sure why I promised. It was hard enough being around him, with those dark eyes and his constant disapproving looks. He'd just seemed so enthusiastic, she couldn't say no. It would have been easier if he'd just learned to use the damn thing himself, but he'd been too busy. Which was why Bea was making her way down to a rickety old barn, on a freezing cold day in the dead of winter, with the clouds above so swollen and gray that it was bound to rain at any moment. This can't be good for my camcorder, she thought, resting her hand on the carrying case thumping against her hip with each step. She should have said no, but he had that smile characteristic of Wolfe males, the one that made it impossible to refuse. There was a good dozen children lined up on the fence, ranging in age from five to fourteen. Ethan was in the paddock, helping a young blonde girl onto the back of one of the shaggiest, fattest ponies Bea had ever seen. Grinning despite herself, she opened her case and had her camcorder out by the time she reached the fence. There was another woman there too, a brunette, probably only a few years older than she herself was. "Your friend is here, Ethan," the woman called. Ethan turned, leading the pony up to the fence. The cold hardly seemed to bother him at all, it seemed. His hair was pulled back out of his face and his scarf simply hung around his shoulders. The girl on the pony was bundled up like a marshmallow. That has to be Aria, Bea thought. She stepped up onto the fence, holding her camera up. "Is this your girlfriend, Ethan?" the girl, Aria, asked, when they reached the fence. Ethan let out a long suffering sigh. "No, Ari." "Why not?" Aria frowned, her lower lip sticking out in a petulant pout. "She's really pretty." "So um... uh, should we get started?" Bea interrupted. She could feel her cheeks heating. Ethan handed the reins to Aria, then stepped up against the fence. Bea turned her camcorder on, fiddling quickly with its plethora of special features to counter the bleakness of the day. I should have known that this would be like this, she thought, lifting the camcorder. I should have realized I'd end up embarrassed somehow. It wasn't really Aria's fault, of course, but that didn't make it less embarrassing. "I can't decide," Ethan said, "if she wants to date me herself or marry me off." Bea laughed hesitantly. "She's... really cute..." She listened as he talked, about Aria's progress in the few months he'd known her. The little girl could steer the pony, although she needed rein commands to do it. Still, Bea was impressed by Aria's determination and her patience. The pony was not happy about being out in this weather and balked continually, but the girl simply urged him on, speaking softly and patting his neck until he started walking again. I guess this must be a rewarding career, Bea thought, because it's probably really discouraging at times, too, but Ethan doesn't give up. There was intense silence while the girl rode, but they all broke out into cheers when she trotted the pony a good ten steps before stopping. Bea, watching through the camcorder, had to bite her lip. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to be overjoyed by what so many would see as a small achievement. God bless her, she thought, smiling to herself. At that age, I would have probably given up. A few others came to join them, including two other staff members, a man and a woman. Aria was just finishing her ride when a loud disturbance down at the end of the fence made Bea jump. She nearly fell off the fence, but Ethan grabbed her wrist, keeping her from going over. A moment later he was sprinting down the length of the fence to see what was wrong. Bea took a moment to secure her camcorder, then followed. Not that there's anything I could do to help, anyway, she thought. The brunette woman--she was pretty certain her name was Jill--was kneeling in the grass, trying to comfort a crying girl. The girl was younger than Aria by at least a couple of years. She had dark hair in two braided pigtails, but that was all Bea could see, because she'd buried her face against her hands. The other woman, a blonde, and the man, a mostly nondescript fellow with dull brown hair and a beaky nose, stood behind Jill, looking concerned. "Ellery, sweetie, what's wrong?" Jill asked, her voice low and soothing. Ethan slid between the fence and crouched beside Jill. "What happened?" "I have no clue," Jill told him. "Ugh... Ethan, help Ari with the pony. Kate, Roger, get the others inside. I have to take Ellery in." "I can take her," Roger offered. Ellery wailed louder, startling them all, and Jill shook her head. She lifted the girl with surprising ease and began trotting up the hill towards the main building. Kate and Roger began rounding up the other children, but Ethan went to Aria and started leading the pony towards the barn. Bea, uncertain what else to do, followed him. The barn, despite smelling of horse and manure, was at least warm. Maybe it's just me, Bea thought, but something about that was frighteningly familiar... She sat down on a large chest near one of the stalls and watched Ethan help the little girl with the pony. Aria had developed a method, leaning heavily on one crutch to free up a hand with which to brush the pony. Bea fiddled with her camcorder case, feeling terribly unsettled. Maybe I'm just overreacting, she thought, shaking her head. It's been a very long time since I've really been around small children, after all. "I'm sorry about that," Ethan said to her, when they were finally walking back up the hill, Aria trundling along clumsily a few feet ahead of them. "Is... is she okay?" Bea asked. Ethan shrugged. "I don't really know. I only really work with Aria. From what Jill's told me, Ellery has only been here maybe eight months. Apparently she's always been high-strung like this." "She um... she didn't really seem to... like Roger..." Bea said hesitantly. "She doesn't like anyone when she's in that mood," Ethan told her. He paused a moment, turning to look at her. "Her parents were killed in a plain crash not long ago. She was an only child, and really spoiled, from what I understand. I'm sure after she's been here a little longer, she'll be fine." He's right, Bea thought. I'm just letting my imagination get away with me. She was probably just nervous and jumpy, being around him like this. Ethan didn't seem to like her very much and she never knew what to say to him. I should just get going, she decided, setting her camcorder case more comfortably on her shoulder. Bea started to turn away, to head towards her car, but Ethan grabbed her wrist, bringing her to a halt. She turned to him and found her knees going weak beneath that male Wolfe smile. "Thanks for doing this for me," Ethan said quietly. "And for Ari. I know it means a lot to her." Bea smiled. "Happy to help," she told him. "I'll get this transferred onto VHS for you and have Alanna get it to you as soon as possible." "You can find me here on Fridays," Ethan said. "Just bring it here. I'm sure Ari will want to watch it right away." Bea nodded. She was aware that her heart was pounding and she couldn't seem to talk around it. This is just stupid, she thought, as she headed back to her car. He doesn't even like me! And she wasn't sure she liked him, beyond a physical attraction. When she saw him like this, working with children, Bea found him incredibly charming. But Ethan was so strict and so unforgiving about too many things. He refused to go watch his sister, Sydney, dance, because he didn't approve of the type of dancing. How do you become such a prude at that age? Bea wondered. She put her camcorder case in the backseat of her car, then slipped into the drivers' seat. As soon as she had the key in the ignition, fat drops of rain began splattering her windshield. Oh, just lovely, she thought, as she started up the car. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but on days like this, life seems to be taking a turn for the bleak. ------- Chapter 2: Girl Talk Sada and Alastair's home was small but cozy, and Bea was rather fond of it. She sank down onto one of the big, black couches, resting on pillows patterned in blue and green; a Christmas present from Alanna and Drake. The living room was growing noisy as Bailey and Sydney filed through the door, carrying backpacks and sleeping bags. They'd decided to have a Girls' Night, all six of them. Aislinn had declined, since with Sydney and Elijah out of the house for the night, she got some time alone with Gabriel. Somehow, Bea couldn't help feeling a little out of place. I'm the only one here who isn't one of the family, she realized. Although Sada kept her maiden name for dancing and Xandri kept hers--Saint-Angelus, now--for photography, tonight they were all Wolfe women. Except her. Bea wondered idly what Alanna would do when she married Drake. Knowing her friend, she would probably keep her maiden name. I don't know of anyone who's met the Wolfes, she thought, who didn't want to be one of them. "I swear, I'm getting so sick of it!" Sydney was saying, as she stripped out of her coat, gloves, and scarf. "At least I've found something I love! The least he could do is be happy for me!" "I'm sure he'll come around in time, Syn," Bailey soothed. "Ethan is our brother. Yes, he may well need that stick surgically removed from his ass, but he's still our brother and he loves us." He's still harping on about that? Bea thought, frowning. She smiled at Sydney and Bailey as they dropped down onto the loveseat at the other end of the couch. Xandri and Alanna came out of the kitchen, carrying mugs of hot chocolate. Despite feeling out of place, Bea knew this would be a wonderful evening. She'd never before had the chance to spend time with all of them at once. And maybe I can help cheer Sydney up, she thought. After all, I know what it's like to be on the other end of Ethan's disapproval. "I was thinking of ordering pizza," Sada said, when they'd all settled down. She was sitting in the armchair, her hands folded on her belly. "I have this insane craving for Hawaiian pizza... someone share with me?" "At least she isn't requesting anchovies," Bea said, grinning. "I like Hawaiian pizza, Sadie, I'll have some with you." "Hopefully it will be awhile before the weird cravings hit," Sada said, frowning. "I've still got another five months to go." That hadn't stopped her from taking to overlarge, baggy clothing, though. The emerald green sweat-shirt she was wearing hid her growing belly. She'd also been growing her hair out for awhile now, and it hung below her shoulders. Bea had asked Sada once why she'd begun growing it out. Sada had shown her pictures of her own mother, nine months pregnant, with black hair all the way down to her thighs. It was such a silly, sentimental thing, she'd said. It wasn't until the pizza arrived that they really got started. Xandri got paper plates and napkins, and Alanna got cans of soda. Sada complained about not being allowed to do anything until the pizza boxes had been opened and the food caught her attention. That ended up being the first thing they talked about; how much Alastair was driving her crazy. "Herc is less annoying," Sada complained. "And he barks most of the day!" "If I ever get Quinn a pet," Xandri said, "he'd best name it something better than Hercules!" Bea laughed. "As if Quinn would allow a pet in his apartment! Risk something messing up his perfect apartment? Never!" "Sounds like Ethan," Bailey put in, rolling her eyes. "And Gavin, too, he's such a neat freak. Perversely, Chase is a lazy slob." They all laughed at that. Bea hadn't really gotten to know any of the new male Wolfes all that well. She'd talked to Elijah a few times, though; he seemed to have developed a small crush on her, which was both amusing and flattering. He'll get over it, she thought, reaching for another slice of pizza. He must have girls all over him in school. Sydney made some comments to that effect from time to time. "You know, Conner keeps asking about you, Syn," Sada said, grinning at Sydney. "He's Forrester's boy..." Sydney wrinkled her nose. "He's kind of annoying... He's always watching me! What is with that?" "Maybe he needs to get laid," Bailey teased, nudging her sister playfully. When Sydney turned red, Bailey put an arm around her sister's shoulders, laughing. "Syn is such a good, sweet girl. Doesn't even hold hands." "That's because Ethan knows how to handle a shotgun," Sydney muttered, her cheeks growing even redder. And to think, I used to want sisters, Bea thought, grinning herself. She liked Bailey and Sydney. It was surprisingly easy to talk about this sort of thing, with all of them. Bailey refused to talk about her love life, merely flashing a small, secretive smile. Xandri talked a little bit about life with Quinn, when urged, and Alanna had no problem gushing about her relationship with Drake. Watching her eyes light up as she spoke, Bea felt a little sad, as much as she wanted to be happy for her friend. It wasn't easy, pushing aside years of feelings. Once she'd thought it would be easy, but Bea had been suffering some depression of late. Some of it was jealousy, although she wasn't certain what she was jealous of--that Drake had Alanna, or that Alanna had Drake. She's happier than she's ever been, Bea thought glumly. Happier than I ever made her. "Why the hell is my sex life so fascinating?" Xandri demanded, after Sada had asked her another question. Sada pouted. "Because I don't currently have one!" She huddled down in the chair, her arms around her belly. "He tells me it's not because I'm putting on weight but..." Bea snorted. "You'd have to put on about a hundred pounds or so before it would start to bother Alastair." Sada gave her an odd look at that. Maybe I shouldn't have said that, Bea thought, biting her lip. Even Alanna didn't know about that time. But now they were all looking at her curiously. No good can come of this, she thought, wincing. I'm not stupid, I know how bad it sounds. She'd come clean to Xandri about her relationship with Quinn. But it was only one time! Bea thought, straightening in her chair. It was only one time and it was before Sada even knew him! "It was... kind of an accident..." she said out loud. Sada's eyebrows rose. "An accident?" "It was just after that... fiasco with Melissa," Bea explained. Back when she'd still been much more on the chubby side than she'd been comfortable with. "That wasn't that long after you met us," Alanna said, frowning. "You were only, what... sixteen?" "Thereabouts," Bea admitted, fidgeting uncomfortably in her chair. "Look it... you guys had that family showing in Italy... and Alastair stayed home. He was... well, he seemed so lonely..." She'd hated seeing him like that; he'd been so cheerful before. "I um... well, I went over there to hang out. We picked the lock on the liquor cabinet and um... well, if it makes you feel any better, I wasn't allowed back in the house for months." "So that's why dad was so pissed off," Alanna said. It had been Aislinn who had actually been the one to bar her from the house. It had taken a long time to convince her that Alanna wouldn't follow in Bea's footsteps. She'd avoided the house for those months, making a lot of excuses, until Aislinn had come to her suddenly and apologized. She had always suspected that Alastair had said something to his mother. And Gabriel... Gabriel had never even mentioned it. As protective as he was of his children, he realized that she was still little more than a child herself. Although Bea had never actually told him anything about her life, he always seemed understanding. In fact, he'd been much more angry at Alastair, who should have known better. He was mad about that for more than a month, Bea thought, fighting a smile. I felt more like he was my father than Alastair's. "Look, can we um... I don't want to talk about this anymore," Bea said quietly. "I know what people think of me as it is..." "Well, I don't care," Alanna said stubbornly. "And you know I never have. That stuff is all in the past." "Besides," Bailey put in. "it makes Ethan squirm, which is always fun." "My past?" Bea asked, her eyebrows raising. "He's attracted to you," Sydney explained. She scowled. "Of course he won't admit if, because if he does, then he becomes an even bigger hypocrite!" "Why don't you talk to him?" Sada suggested. "Because I want to tell him he's an obnoxious ass!" Sydney explained. "But then he'll be angry at me..." I forgot what it was like to be a teenager, Bea thought, rubbing her head. She didn't want to think about the possibility of Ethan being attracted to her. He certainly didn't act like it, after all. Maybe I'll talk to him, she thought, since it won't make a difference if he's angry at me. Besides, she had to bring that tape to him. Friday, Bea decided, she'd talk to him. ------- "So am I gonna get my tape soon?" Ethan turned back to Aria. She sat on her bed, toying with the bright pink mane of the toy pony he'd given her for her birthday. He'd been hoping Bea would bring the tape today, but she hadn't shown up. What did I expect? he thought, sighing. Why did I get it in my head that she cared? Ethan smiled brightly, hoping to reassure Aria. The poor girl had suffered enough disappointment in her life. "I'll get it for you," he promised her. "As long as you promise to rest. You did a lot today." Aria smiled. "I will, Ethan." It was later than it usually was when he left. Ethan made his way passed the other rooms, trying to be quiet; it was reading hour. He paused outside Ellery's room and peered inside. She wasn't reading, though. She sat on the floor with her legs tucked behind her, dipping her fingers into jars of fingerpaints. The paper in front of her was covered with dark smears, red and black and murky brown. I should talk to Jill about getting her a psychologist, Ethan thought, frowning. She should have had emergency services when her parents died. Jill was going over their expenses for the month at the moment, though, so he didn't bother her. Instead he retrieved his coat and headed outside. It was dark, nearly pitch, and freezing cold. Not far from his car was, much to his surprise, Bea's. She leaned against it, holding a tape in one hand. She looks kind of... out of it, Ethan thought, as he approached her. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, and her lashes fluttered as though she was struggling to keep her eyes open. "Sorry I didn't get here sooner," Bea said, stifling a yawn. "Tape gave me a little trouble... but I got it done." "Thanks, Ethan said, taking the tape. "Um... do you need money or something... ? Bea shook her head. "No, don't worry about it." She paused for a moment, frowning thoughtfully, then added, "But I would like to talk to you. About your sister." "Which one?" Ethan asked, frowning. "Sydney," Bea replied. "Look, I know it's none of my business but... well..." You're damn right it isn't your business, Ethan thought, his frown changing to a scowl. Bea stuttered to a halt, her expression becoming uncertain. He hoped she'd leave it be, but she drew herself up, squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin like a woman going into battle. Why is everyone on the planet sticking their nose into our business? Ethan wondered. At least Gabriel is family! But she... she's just some... woman! "Don't even start," he growled. "It is none of your business! And I don't want you hanging around my sisters, anyway!" Bea bristled, her eyes narrowing on him. "And why not?" she demanded. "I know what type of person you are," Ethan said, folding his arms across his chest. "Drinking and sex... Sydney's told me all about it!" He really wasn't expecting her reaction. The anger faded from her eyes, leaving them sorrowful and hurt. She turned away, but not before he'd seen that faint wet sheen over those soft jade eyes. Damnit! Ethan thought, reaching out and grabbing her arm. I didn't mean to... damnit! This was not what he'd meant to do at all. Bea pulled away from him, reaching for the door of her car. She was so upset that she was shaking, and he wasn't about to let her drive off that way. "Listen, please," Ethan pleaded, forcing her to face him. "I didn't mean that the way it sounded... I just... Sydney is my sister." She wouldn't look at him. "She thinks... well, she's got it into her head that I um... that I'm attracted to you, which... I mean, no offense, I'm just not... um..." "Attracted to promiscuous women," Bea finished for him, her voice soft and full of scorn. She looked up at him and suddenly Ethan realized what he was doing. He had her pinned against the car, his hands around her wrists, his body against hers in a way that was decidedly intimate. Except that the look in her eyes made him feel like he was the one who'd done something wrong. Ethan released her, stumbling back. He hadn't imagined any woman could look so hurt and angry, even his sisters. Maybe I did do something wrong, he thought. "She's my sister," Ethan repeated. "She was just... just trying to look out for me. She didn't mean anything by it..." He sighed. "And I'm just trying to look out for her. Like... like Gabriel does for his children." Bea's eyes narrowed suddenly, dangerously. "Don't," she growled. "Don't you dare! I... I thought maybe because you looked so much like him... I thought maybe you might be the same." Her voice shook with anger. "Gabriel is a good man... he doesn't judge people for what they've done in their past. You... you're not like him! Don't you dare compare yourself to him!" Bea whirled and got into her car. Ethan could do nothing but stare as she started it up and drove off. He'd seen feminine anger--Bailey and Sydney were frightening when they were furious with him--but never before had he experienced that. Not that I was ever Mr. Suave, he thought, turning back to the home, but I thought I was a little better with women than that. Ethan looked down at the tape in his hands and decided he might as well bring it to Aria. She isn't being fair, he thought, scowling. I'm allowed to be attracted--or not attracted--to whoever I want! He couldn't help being a little jealous of his cousins, with their wonderful wives. Alastair talked often about his sweet Sada and although Quinn was quieter, there was no mistaking what a wonderful woman he had in Xandri. There is nothing wrong with wanting that, Ethan thought stubbornly. She scolds me for judging her, but she does the same thing to me! Aria was reading when he came back to her room. She looked up at the sound of his voice and her eyes lit up as they always did. "I thought you left," Aria said, struggling to get to her feet. "You promised to rest," Ethan reminded her. "Sit down, I've got something for you." "Is it my tape?" Aria asked, bouncing excitedly. He sat down on the end of the bed and handed the tape to her. Her excitement made him feel a little bit better, at least. Maybe I should apologize, Ethan thought, sighing inwardly. I mean, she did bring me the tape. Still, why should he apologize for his beliefs? He realized that Aria was watching him intently, her eyes wide in that unnerving, perceptive way that children had. "Where's Bea?" she asked. "She brought the tape, didn't she? Why didn't she come and see me?" Damnit, Ethan thought. "It... it's not you, Ari," he assured her. "She um... she just couldn't stay..." "You did something to hurt her feelings," Aria decided. "Ethan, what did you do?" "Nothing!" he said defensively. "I mean... maybe... I don't know! Since when did you become Dear Laura?" Aria rolled her eyes. "You must have done something, otherwise you wouldn't have reacted like that." How do children get that way? he wondered, staring at her. They see so much clearer than grown ups. Maybe Aria was right. Ethan didn't really want to think about it at the moment. He got the T.V. cart instead and put the tape in for Aria to watch. Great taping, he mused, from where he sat, in a chair in the corner. The picture is very clear, even though it was such an ugly day. Glancing at Aria, seeing the delight on her face, Ethan found himself smiling. At least the night hadn't turned out all bad. ------- Chapter 3: Making Amends "You're supposed to be family! What right do you have, saying such things?!" Ethan halted in the doorway of the Wolfe house, uncertain. Steeling himself, he stepped inside. Alanna and Sydney were in the living room. Although Syn was taller than her cousin by several inches at least, she shrank away beneath the older woman's wrath. What is going on here? he wondered, frowning. Although he'd rather stare down the barrel of a gun, Ethan put himself between Sydney and Alanna, bringing his cousin to a surprised halt. "You!" she growled, her eyes narrowing on him. This was a bad idea, Ethan decided. He forced a smile to his face and said, "Look, let's leave Syn out of this, all right?" "No," Alanna said, folding her arms across her chest. "She's the one who was talking trash about my friend." "I didn't mean it that way!" Sydney protested. "Honestly, I didn't!" Ethan turned to look at his sister. She did look genuinely upset; tears glittered in her dark eyes and her lower lip trembled in that way that told him the floodgates were close to opening. Sydney had become oddly emotional in certain circumstances--and oddly unemotional in others--since their parents' accident. I'm going to need a miracle to get through this alive, Ethan thought. He did believe that Sydney hadn't meant to be hurtful, but she seemed to have the same foot-in-mouth problem that he did. Turning back to Alanna was the last thing he wanted to do, but he did it anyway. She doesn't know, he thought, so of course she can't understand. Sydney was just looking out for me. Ethan really wasn't about to drudge up his past so his cousin could understand why he didn't approve of Bea. It wasn't any of her business, anyway. "I don't think Sydney meant anything by it," Ethan said. "Honestly... she's a good kid, Alanna." "Maybe she didn't," Alanna said, her eyes narrowing on him. "But you did! Who the hell are you to judge her?" "Look, I... I didn't mean... it's not like that," Ethan stammered. "It's... it's nothing against her personally... I just..." Hoo boy, he thought, I need to quit while I'm ahead. He wanted to explain to Alanna that he didn't dislike Bea because she was promiscuous, but he wasn't sure that was true. It wasn't something Ethan was proud of or anything, but he'd rather not interact with her if he didn't have to. Looking down into Alanna's pale blue eyes, which blazed with anger, he decided he was going to have to. How do I get myself into these things? he wondered, sighing inwardly. And how'd I get cursed with even more pushy female relatives!? ------- Bea adjusted her camera, settling it more securely atop the tripod. The night before had been so cold that the fountain water had frozen in perfect, icy falls. It was still cold, cold enough that she shook, and her fingers burned. I don't care, she thought, I just want to get this shot. She was still upset, even though Sydney had called her and apologized. She'd sounded so sincere that Bea had forgiven her. But I don't have to forgive her obnoxious prick of a brother! she thought, glowering through the camera. She'd been angry before, but never like this. Who the hell does he think he is? she fumed. Comparing himself to Gabriel! Hmmph! Never in a million years could he hope to be as good a man as Gabriel Wolfe! Bea pulled away from the camera with a frustrated growl. There was no way she could get this shot if she couldn't calm down. Grumbling beneath her breath, she settled down on the bench surrounding the fountain, keeping a close eye on her camera. "Bea?" Don't turn around, she told herself, taking a deep breath. If you turn around you will claw out his eyes. She recognized Ethan's voice, although she couldn't fathom why he was here or how he'd known where she would be. Alanna had been the only person she'd told. Of course, Bea thought, rising slowly. That's what I get for sticking my nose in with her and Drake. Fair's fair, I suppose. She walked over to her camera before turning to face Ethan. Why did the Wolfe men have to be so good-looking? Oh, she supposed they could have been homely as could be and still they wouldn't lose their appeal. It was something in their eyes, in the way they smiled; that was the attraction. Even Ethan's smile, which was hesitant and unsure. She was a little surprised to see that his hair was loosely braided and wondered if one of his sister's had gotten to him. I can see that, Bea thought, fighting a smile. I can just picture a younger Bailey using her brother for hairstyling practice. "Um... can we talk?" Ethan asked. He looks like he thinks I'm about to tear his throat out with my teeth, Bea thought. Out loud she said, "About what?" "I know you're mad at me," Ethan said quietly. "I uh... probably shouldn't have said... what I said. So um... I thought I'd..." "Apologize?" Bea suggested, her eyebrows raising. "Uh... yeah..." Ethan answered, looking defeated. Bea reached up and fiddled with her camera. She wasn't sure if he really wanted to apologize, but she didn't want to fight with him, either. It would have been nice to get along with him, she thought, taping her fingers against the hard casing of her camera. It would have been nice to... well, I can dream on about that. Bea sighed inwardly and turned to look at him again. She wondered what ill fate Alanna had threatened him with. "Look, I don't want an insincere apology," Bea told him. "If you're only here because of something Alanna said, I'd rather you just go away." "I... I'm not," Ethan said, but he'd hesitated a moment too long before he spoke. Bea rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Go away, Ethan." She stepped behind her camera again and readjusted it, focusing it once more on the fountain. Unfortunately, Ethan was in the line of her shot. Bea pulled back and narrowed her eyes on him until he moved out of her way. He didn't leave, though. What is he doing? she wondered. Glancing sidelong at him, she saw him studying her curiously. Trying to ignore him, she started taking her pictures of the fountain. Bea liked to use the tripod for level shots, but she removed it to get shots from a lower vantage and from different angles. She couldn't explain exactly what it was she loved so dearly about photography. People who didn't love it didn't tend to understand. This was for a project she was putting together, but often Bea took photos to Alanna. Black and whites became drawings and color shots became paintings. Sometimes if she found something compelling enough to shoot, she brought it to Quinn. "Look," Ethan began again. "I really am sorry... I mean, your personal life is none of my business..." "Personal life?" Bea muttered through gritted teeth. "You understand, it's just something I don't want my little sister involved it," Ethan went on. "There must be something I can do..." Fed up, Bea whirled to face him. "You want to know what you can do!?" she snapped. "You can get your head out of your ass!" He stared at her, stunned. Bea grabbed her camera case from where she'd left it and secured her camera. She was so angry her hands were shaking. The tripod was collapsible, so she folded it up until it was small enough to settle against her shoulder. I cannot believe he's related to the Wolfes, she thought. He's supposed to be one of them, but... Bea shouldered her camera case as well, then turned to give Ethan a last, long look. "It's easy for you," she said, shaking her head. "You sleep around and society says you're a man! Me? I sleep with a few people and I'm the town whore." She left him standing near the fountain. I don't care what he thinks anymore, she thought, as she headed for her car. He can go find himself a sweet, docile little Catholic woman who wants to wait until she's married. Bea knew that wasn't really fair; some of her best friends had waited a long time before getting involved with men. Not that you can really blame them, she thought, scowling. It only takes one time. Spread your legs once and bam! Insta-Slut. She'd been stupid enough to get herself entangled much too young. It seemed like the younger you are, the quicker the rumors began. Good news travels fast, after all, Bea thought wryly. She hadn't even been like those other girls, who had a new boyfriend every week that they were "so in love" with. But she was the one who'd been branded a slut. It seems like I just can't escape that, Bea thought, as she placed her camera case and tripod in the safety net in the trunk of her car. No matter what I do or where I go, I can't escape it. ------- Well, I tried, Ethan thought, as he made his way up the steps like a man going to his execution. She can't say I didn't try. Bea couldn't have been more than five foot three. She was tiny, he towered over her, but he'd felt three feet tall when she'd spoken to him. Even his sisters couldn't make him feel like that much of a slimeball. And now, if I'm lucky, Alanna will only break half the bones in my body, Ethan thought wryly. He stepped into the living room and was quickly engulfed by warmth and chattering voices. His fight or flight instincts nearly kicked in. Alanna and Drake were sitting on the couch, Xandri and Quinn in their usual armchair, and Sada was on the loveseat, though she was laying more on Alastair than on it. They all went silent when he stepped into the living room, turning to look at him curiously. Now I know how a deer feels, Ethan thought, taking a cautious step forward. "How'd it go?" Alanna asked, her voice chilly. "Um... she told me to get my head out of my ass," Ethan told her, grimacing. Alanna grinned and spoke above the laughter of the rest of them. "She's very honest, isn't she? I told you she'd know it if you weren't sincere." "I tried to be sincere," Ethan said, sighing. "I really do feel bad that I upset her..." "I don't know what your problem is," Alanna said, "but Bea is a great person. She doesn't deserve your attitude." My attitude!? he thought, frowning. She's the one who told me to get my head out of my ass! Even Andrea had never left him this confused and uncertain, and that was really saying something. Alanna seemed satisfied that he'd been told off, though. She scooted over a bit and patted the couch seat next to her. Ethan settled on the end of the couch, feeling uncomfortable with her and Drake snuggling so close by. How do you find relationships so wonderful as these? He listened to them, keeping silent, as they talked about going bowling. Sada and Alastair got into an argument that she eventually won, when Quinn told his brother he was being unreasonable. She did promise to be careful, which seemed to soothe Alastair somewhat. I can understand why Syn and Eli like being here, Ethan thought, smiling to himself. He felt like such an outsider among them, though. They'd been nothing but warm and kind but... "We need a fourth couple," Xandri was saying. "That would make it more interesting." "Syn and Eli have homework," Alanna said. "And mom and dad... could you picture dad bowling?" Quinn snorted. "Not where anyone could see him." "You should talk," Xandri teased. She turned mischievous blue eyes on the rest of them. "You won't believe what I had to do to convince him to go!" "We don't want to know!" Alanna exclaimed, laughing. A forth couple, huh? Ethan mused, pursing his lips. Well, maybe... Well, maybe 'couple' was a bad word. But if some friends wanted to go bowling together, that would be all right, wouldn't it? It wasn't often that he was really friends with anyone. For as long as he could remember, he'd been taking care of his siblings, then his patients. Ethan had never had time before for friends, although he had more now, now that the rest of his family was not under his own roof. It couldn't hurt to try, he decided, rising from the couch. "I've got an idea," he explained, at the curious looks. "I'll be back in a moment." He started heading for the kitchen, then paused and looked back over his shoulder. "I forgot... I need Bea's phone number." ------- The pictures were hung in the darkroom, so there was nothing else to do. Bea wander out into the living room and closed the door behind her. Technically her 'dark room' was supposed to be a bedroom, but she had no bed, so it served a different purpose. She kept her clothing in battered old suitcases, where they could at least be neatly folded. Could be worse, Bea told herself for the millionth time, as she padded into the kitchen. A mini-fridge sat on top of a very rickety old table and a garbage bag in the corner was filled with plastic cups, paper plates, and plastic silverware. There wasn't spare money for anything else; there never had been. She'd been living in this broken down hole in the wall since she was fifteen. The sleazy landlord hadn't cared that she was only fifteen, as long as she could pay. And Bea imagined he would have taken payment other than money, but she would rather have slept on the street. It's a disgusting hole and I only pay three-hundred a month, she thought, but damnit, I'm proud that I've managed this much. Bea took some leftover pizza from the fridge, pulled off the saran wrap to eat it cold. She grabbed her latest book--Real Ghost, Restless Spirits, and Haunted Places, by Brad Steiger--and headed towards the couch. It was as battered as the rest of the things she owned and not terribly comfortable to sleep on, but she did every night. The only things Bea owned that were nice was her camera and her clothing. And my new camcorder, she reminded herself. The phone rang then, startling her. It was a cell phone, and it played Nine Inch Nails; Bea loved the reactions when people realized that 'Closer' was playing on her cell phone. The ID indicated that it was from the Wolfe house, so she figured it must have been Alanna. "Hey, sexy," Bea teased when she picked up the phone. The voice that answered was most certainly not Alanna's. "Um... Bea... this is Ethan, actually..." "Works well enough," Bea said cheerfully. Far be it from me to hold back, just so he'll feel safer, she thought. "Anyway," Ethan said, clearing his throat. "Look, this might sound a little odd but... well, you see..." She listened, her eyebrows raised, as he explained about bowling. They need another couple, she thought, and he wants me to go with... him? Oh, Bea knew Ethan didn't mean that they go as a couple-type couple. He wanted to go as friends. Well, I'll give him this much, she thought, unless a man is a good bowler, he wouldn't offer to do this unless he was really sorry. Still, she wanted to be sure. "Put Lonnie on the phone for a moment," Bea said. There was crackling and a soft clack, as the phone was sent down. She could hear, very faintly, voices talking in the background. Then there was a faint scraping of plastic on wood as the phone was scooped up again. "Something wrong, Bea?" Alanna asked. Her voice was light and teasing. Bea snorted. "Did you put him up to this, Lonnie? Because if you did..." "I didn't," Alanna assured her. "He came up with it all on his own. It's a good sign, I think. I was asking Syn earlier if she thought Ethan would like to go bowling with us..." She giggled. "Her eyes got all wide and she was like 'I don't really think so... '." "All right, put him back on the phone," Bea sighed. "Did you really tell him to get his head out of his ass?" Alanna asked. "Damn, I wish I hadn't missed that." "Lonnie..." Bea said warningly. Her friend's soft giggling was the only answer she got. Alanna was a real mischief maker, just as meddling and nosy as she was, if not more so. At least I know she won't be asking him if he masturbates, Bea thought, grinning. Maybe I'll do that sometime, just to shut him up. "Bea?" Ethan again. "I'll go," Bea told him. "But don't think I fully believe that you're sincere just yet. I know how scary Alanna can be." Ethan actually laughed. "Fair enough," he said. "Oh, um... I was kind of wondering if I could see some of your work sometime. I didn't think about it earlier but... I've seen some of Xandri's, I'd like to see yours, too." "Oh... okay," Bea said quietly. That had caught her off guard. She was feeling confused when she hung up the phone. Did I agree to go on a group date with him? she wondered, frowning. I mean, it's a 'just friends' thing but... Ugh, there was nothing worse than hanging around lovey-dovey couples. At least we'll be bowling, Bea thought, letting her phone fall down onto the couch beside her. Maybe that won't leave too much time for snuggling. ------- Chapter 4: Guys vs. Girls Chase propped his feet up on the coffee table and watched his brother Ethan, fighting back laughter. I haven't seen him in this much of a frenzy since he went to prom with Andrea, he thought, shaking his head. I think life is about to become infinitely more entertaining. He didn't really think he liked this town too much. It was boring, as far as he was concerned. The only upside, as far as Chase was concerned, was that he'd found a rock-climbing gym that had actually been willing to hire him. "I can't believe you're going on a date with Bea," Chase said, grinning. "Man is she ever hot!" "It isn't a date," Ethan insisted, for the thousandth time. No? Chase thought. Then why are you preening like a vain peacock? Ethan was the only man he'd ever met who brushed his hair until it was as fine and silky as a woman's. Himself, he usually just ran his fingers through his hair and left it at that. His brother came back into the living room and dropped down onto the couch to lace up his boots. Chase didn't quail beneath Ethan's glare, but he did take his feet down off the coffee table. "She is hot, though," Chase went on, grinning. "I love redheads. And damn, those breasts... ow!" Scowling, he rubbed the back of his head where Ethan had smacked him. Oh, no, you're not attracted to her, not at all, Chase thought, glaring at his brother. This is the worst case of denial I've ever seen. Ethan was good at that. He could block off his feelings so effectively that he didn't realize he had them. Personally, Chase liked to make his feelings known. He was outgoing and he preferred outgoing people, like Bea. "I can't believe I'm doing this," Ethan grumbled, rising from the couch. "I hate bowling." "It's got some perks, though," Chase said, putting his feet up on the table. "Your date is hot and from all I've heard, rather willing." "Chase, you're a pig," Ethan said, turning to face him. "You know what? I curse you." Chase's eyebrows rose. "Curse me?" "Yes," Ethan said, turning to grab his coat. "I curse you. You're going to find the sweetest, shyest girl you've ever met and fall madly in love with her." He paused a minute as he pulled his coat on, then added, "And she won't sleep with you for months. No, no, even better, years." "Oh, I'm so scared!" Chase rolled his eyes. "My big brother has cursed me, whooo, frightening. Will you be making a Chase voodoo doll, too?" He tossed his head back, laughing. Curse, Chase thought, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Why would he ever fall for a girl who was sweet and shy when he couldn't stand that type of girl? And for that matter, where the heck would he find one? When Chase did hang out with girls, they were the partying type, like him. There weren't a lot of delicate Catholic girls showing up at clubs. Still... "Take that back, Ethan," Chase called. "At least the years part, man. That's harsh. Ethan? Ethan!" ------- Ethan had agreed to meet the others at the bowling alley. It was pleasantly warm inside. He shrugged his coat off as he moved down the length of the alley, looking for everyone else. Alastair and Quinn, who tended to tower above everyone else, really stood out in the crowd. They were all at the rental desk, getting bowling shoes. I hate bowling shoes, Ethan thought, scowling. I hate bowling! He really should have thought this through a little better. "There you are!" Alanna called, when she spotted him. She waved, beckoning him over. "Come on, slow poke!" I feel sorry for the owner of this bowling alley, Ethan thought, as he approached. Eight of them total, most of them born Wolfes or married into the family. That was even worse than him and all his siblings. It kind of reminds me of all my siblings, he thought, smiling slightly. Quinn is like Gavin and Alastair is kind of like Chase, although less of a pig. And Alanna reminds me of Bailey a little... And where was Bea? He looked around and finally found her. Whoa, he thought, his breath catching in his throat. She smiled at him when she saw him, then turned back to Alanna with a toss of her head. Damn Chase, Ethan thought, putting ideas into my head. She looks so... Bea wore a thigh-length dress of a jade near the same color of her eyes, with a short jean jacket over it. Usually he thought boots of the heeled, knee-high type were kind of... well, slutty, but they looked good on her. There was something about Bea that made her look sophisticated no matter what she was wearing. "I hate bowling shoes," Bea said, when he stopped beside her. "It sucks when you've got size six feet." "It's worse when you need a size thirteen," Ethan assured her. Bea's eyebrows rose. "Well, well, big feet," she teased, smiling. "You know what they say about men with big feet..." He blushed like a thirteen-year-old that was hitting the first rough spots of puberty. The smile she gave him was wickedly teasing, but he felt on some level that he deserved it. Carrying his shoes, Ethan followed Bea and the others to a set of lanes down at the very end of the alley. He found himself watching her as she removed her boots, as she leaned over to tie her bowling shoes. There is nothing wrong with thinking that she's pretty, he told himself, as long as I don't start acting like Chase. "So, how are we going to do this, anyway?" Alastair asked. "Two teams, four, what?" "I think we should play men versus women," Alanna said, smiling mischievously. Quinn snorted softly. "That wouldn't be fair. We'd crush you." "Stay away from the snack bar, Quinn," Bea said, as she took a seat to set up a scorekeeper. "You'll be needing plenty of room later for when you eat your words." That was how Ethan found himself as one of the guys, sitting on the bench to await his turn. Alastair had set it up in alphabetical order, so that he went first, then Drake, then Ethan, and Quinn last. Alanna followed suit, so at least he didn't have to worry about being opposite Bea in the lineup. I can't remember the last time he went bowling, he thought, as he watched Alastair. Ouch... something tells me Alastair doesn't remember, either. He did hit the pins in the end, though, so it wasn't all bad. Of the guys, Quinn was the best. He had a surprising amount of patience and perfect aim. Ethan found himself staring when he got a strike on his first ball. He'd always thought of Quinn as patient and focused when he wanted to be, but he hadn't expect that. For himself, he did well enough. Of the girls, Bea did better than the others, but she wasn't as good as Quinn. "What was that supposed to be?" Quinn asked Xandri, after she got two gutter balls in a row. She just stuck her tongue out at him. Drake did much the same when he got a gutter ball, except he directed it at his own teammates, who were hooting loudly. Ethan made certain to be careful, because the girls laughed even louder than the guys. He tried to copy Quinn's patient method, but he wasn't quite nearly successful. For his fifth frame he ended up with an eight, which wasn't too bad, considering that Alanna had only gotten three for her sixth frame. "Come on, Bea!" Alanna called, as the redhead stood up for her sixth frame. "Get us a strike!" "You're gonna need it!" Alastair teased. "Right guys?" Ethan smiled. "No way, man. I'm not saying anything to risk making her angry while she's holding a bowling ball." Bea, who'd been getting ready to send her ball down the lane, paused to laugh. She almost dropped the ball. Those soft jade eyes focused on him and she smiled. Ethan watched her as she turned back to the lane and leaned over slightly to roll the ball down the aisle. Girls shouldn't bowl in skirts like that, he thought, uncomfortably aware that he was staring. Although maybe she has the right idea... Even Drake was watching, although he at least tried to be covert about it. The girls rose, cheering, when Bea got a strike. Laughing, she turned to head back to her seat, tossing her hair back over her shoulder. "See, Alastair?" Bea teased, grinning. "Don't get too confident yet." ------- "Quinn Wolfe, you get that smug look off your face!" Bea grinned. She sat down at one of the tables near their lane and set down the food basket and soda can she was holding. Ethan, who was sitting in the chair next to her, looked up. He was watching her, his expression oddly thoughtful, as she slid into her seat. She pulled back the wax paper covering her sandwich and licked her lips. The Philly cheese steak sandwich was huge and rather greasy, but it always tasted great. Bea hefted half of it out of the basket and took a bite. "I haven't had one of those in years," Ethan said. He was smiling as he handed her a napkin. "Greasy enough?" "Oh, it's perfect," Bea assured him, wiping her fingers on a napkin. "Want some?" When he opened his mouth to protest, she shook her head. "Don't even. This thing is huge, I'll never finish it on my own." Ethan hesitated for a moment, then grinned. "You know what? Sounds good to me... pass me back some of those napkins." As the losing team, the girls were paying for dinner. Ethan had refused to get anything, though, when she'd offered. It's kind of cute, actually, Bea thought, watching him as he picked up the other half of the sandwich. I think he was trying to be chivalrous. And he also tried to be neat, but that was near impossible. The sandwich was far too big and greasy. Surprisingly enough, Ethan just laughed it off when he dropped soft in his lap. I like the way he laughs, Bea decided, smiling at him. She was so busy watching him that she was startled when he reached out with a napkin and wiped the side of her mouth. Flushing and laughing herself, she set the sandwich down and grabbed a napkin of her own. "You know, Bea," Ethan said quietly, "there was no need to feed the table, too. It didn't beat you." For a moment she didn't realize that he was teasing. Bea glanced at the tabletop and saw that it was covered in crumbs. Grinning, she reached up and tweaked his nose, startling another laugh from him. It was then that she realized that the others were staring at them. Ethan, at least, was happily oblivious to that. "I vote no bowling next time," Xandri said. She sat on Quinn's lap, as usual, and she was fiddling with her fries. "I don't think I like bowling." Quinn laughed. "It was your idea, little Xandri," he reminded her. "We could go mini-golfing next time," Alanna suggested. "Or, well, when it warms up a bit." "By then I'll be too pregnant to reach down and retrieve my ball," Sada complained, pouting. "Then I'll get it for you," Alastair said, leaning over and nuzzling his lips against her neck. Oh god, Bea thought, sinking down in her chair. We were safe while we were bowling, but now they're getting all mushy. Not that she wasn't happy for Sada; she would have expected Alastair to say no to the mini-golf, even though it was such a mild game. She was just getting uncomfortable now, and Ethan was no longer quite so oblivious. At least I don't have to feel like a seventh wheel all by my lonesome this time, Bea thought, sighing inwardly. They had to deal with it until dinner was eaten and their shoes were returned. She was pulling on her coat, wondering how she would tolerate Alanna and Drake on the ride home. I should have driven myself, Bea thought, scowling. She adored her friends, truly, but they were in a very annoying lovey-dovey mood. "You ready, Bea?" Alanna asked. She had her arms around Drake and was holding him tight. She hesitated a moment too long, but Ethan stepped in for her. "I'll take her home," he offered. When they all turned to look at him, he shrugged. "We're friends, aren't we?" Bea smiled and nodded. She said her good-byes, hugging Alanna and Drake, before following Ethan out into the cold night. Why did he offer to take me home? she wondered. Even if he does want to be friends... She was surprised that he drove such a small car, too. It was a silver Mazda 4, a nice little car--little being the operative word. Maybe I'm just used to the Wolfe men and their giant motorcycles, Bea thought, as she slipped into the passengers' seat. Quinn is the only one sane enough to want doors and windows. Apparently Ethan liked them, too, although Sydney said he did ride, if it was warm enough. It wasn't like Gabriel or Alastair, who rode their motorcycles even in the dead of winter. Bea was happy to have heat, though. The heat made her sleepy, although she was already tired. She listened to the music, her eyes half-closed, speaking only to give Ethan directions. I'm just not sure what to say to him, she thought. And he said very little until he had pulled up in front of her apartment building. "Thank you," Bea said quietly. "I appreciate it..." "I figured I wouldn't leave you to the fate of driving home with two mushy lovebirds," Ethan said, his voice gently teasing. Bea grinned. "My hero." A sudden boldness seized her. She leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek. Ethan was staring at her, stunned, as she climbing out of the car. Bea waved to him, then headed up the stairs to her apartment. She paused outside the door, hesitating; her ragged home didn't seem so welcoming all of a sudden. But she went in anyway, and the wonderful evening faded behind her. When I'm with them, I feel like a real person, she thought, as she dropped onto the couch. In here, I go back to being Bea, unloved, unwanted... Bea the Whore. ------- "Hey, welcome back, bro!" Great, Ethan thought, just great. Chase was still sitting on his couch, feet up on the table, watching T.V. His brother picked up the remote and turned it off when he walked in. Oh, he loved his siblings, but sometimes they were overbearing, especially when he desperately needed to be alone. Ethan pulled his coat off and held it in front of him, draped over his arms. He'd thought of Bea the whole way home... and his thoughts had gotten a little out of control. "What are you still doing here?" Ethan asked. "Waiting," Chase explained. "I want you to take back that part of your curse. You know, the years thing." Ethan rolled his eyes. "I was only kidding. Now get out of here, I'm tired." "Did she wear you out that much?" Chase called after him, as he headed towards her bedroom. "Screw off, Chase!" Ethan snapped. He slammed the door of his room shut behind him, tossed his coat away, and dropped down onto his bed. Ethan waited, barely breathing, until he heard the door of his apartment close. He let out a breath of relief when his brother was finally gone. What has gotten into me? he wondered. And what am I going to do? His body ached, so hard that it was painful. Ethan had thought first of that small kiss she'd given him, such a chaste little thing, and before he'd realized it, he'd been thinking about how it would feel to have her moving beneath him. He had not experienced attraction like this in... well, ever. Even Andrea had never made him hunger like this. Ethan found himself looking around his room, as if he thought someone might catch him as he opened his jeans. He swore he'd never get involved with another woman like that, but his body couldn't stand this. When he closed his eyes it was Bea he saw in his mind. Ethan could almost feel her mouth on his skin, that small, chaste kiss. His own hand eased his arousal, but it was not what his body wanted. The image of her, stretched out beneath him, came to him again. In his mind she was still wearing her dress, the skirt pushed up around her hips. Ethan let out a gasp, half-pleasure, half-surprise, as hot come sprayed across his hand and speckled his belly. Yuck, he thought, grimacing. Ugh, maybe I should have just taken a cold shower. Yet he wasn't sure if even that would cool his fire. He would just have to find a way to control himself, because nothing could come of this attraction. It was nothing but lust, there was no reason to give in to it. I don't know her, Ethan thought, and I don't love her. He was getting up to wash himself off when his phone rang and he picked it up. "Ethan?" The soft voice was Bea's. "Oh uh... hi," Ethan stammered. She sounded sleepy, her voice husky, and it made his body stir once more. "I'm sorry to disturb you," Bea said. "I just... wanted to thank you for inviting me. I had a lot of fun." "Me too," Ethan told her, and he found himself smiling. "See... I was sincere. I bowl like a dork." Bea laughed. "Yes, I accept your apology." They didn't talk much longer than that. When she said goodnight, though, Ethan kind of wished he could come up with an excuse to keep talking. She was smart and witty, and he really would have liked to be friends with her. Shower first, he thought, wrinkling his nose. Now he was sticky. If Ethan was going to be friends with Bea, he definitely had to get this under control first. ------- Chapter 5: Pictures With her camera case on her shoulder, bumping lightly against her hip, and a photo box in her arms, Bea made her way down the hill behind the group home. Snow crunched beneath her feet; it was up to her knees, but that wasn't going to stop her. It's almost the middle of March, she thought, sighing. I can't wait until it starts to warm up. She could see Ethan down in paddock, standing still while Aria and Spots circled around him. Bea was glad to have the chance to go see him and Aria. She'd found something she thought the little girl might like. She stepped up onto the fence to watch, but she wasn't standing there long before Aria noticed her. The little girl let out a squeal of delight and turned the pony's head, steering it towards the fence. Ethan turned and smiled when he saw her. He followed Aria, and when he reached the girl's side, he placed a hand on her back. The movement was subtle, but Bea saw it for the protective gesture it was. He probably drives her crazy, she thought, but I bet she's never had to worry about falling when he's around. "Bea!" Aria said cheerfully. "What are you doing here?" "I came to see you," Bea told her, smiling. "I brought some of my pictures with me." Aria cheered. Laughing softly, Bea climbed between the fence rails. She struggled in the knee deep snow, nearly falling, but strong hands caught her, keeping her upright. Surprised, she looked up at Ethan. He was so tall that the snow was hardly a deterrent to him. I never before understood that whole thing in romance novels, Bea thought, where the hero makes the heroine feel all small and feminine. Granted, she generally felt rather small around the Wolfe men, but this was different somehow. "Careful," Ethan said quietly. "You could have waited for us inside, you know. We weren't going to be much longer." Bea shrugged. "I figured I'd help you," she explained, reaching for the other side of Spots' bridle. "It's cold... I thought the work would go faster with two of us..." "True," Ethan agreed, smiling. "Come on, Ari, it's past time we went inside." "Awwww," Aria whined. She stuck out her lower lip in a pout for a moment, then her eyes lit up with mischief and she began looking between the two of them. "Ethan said you all went bowling together. So was that your first date?" My, she is quite the troublemaker, Bea thought, fighting a smile. Aria was adorable, but she was going to be a terrible gossip in a few years. Assuming she ever got to be in a public school. She got the feeling that Ethan would adopt the girl if he could. As it was, he blustered out an answer, trying to explain--apparently not for the first time--that it had been a group thing and he and Bea were just friends. So your cheeks are red from the cold, Bea thought, right? Aria turned her attention to Bea then. "Has he kissed you yet?" she asked. "Um... well... I uh..." Bea stammered. It was her turn to blush. "Friends don't kiss, sweetie." "Ari, you're being nosy," Ethan warned. "But I want to know!" Aria complained. "Bea's really pretty, you said so yourself!" Ethan quieted and looked away. Bea stared at him, her eyebrows raised. Aria continued looking back and forth between the two of them, grinning broadly. The silence was palpable, interrupted only by the creak of rails as he pushed the barn door open. Gee, I wish I could make him squirm like that, Bea thought, fighting a smile. Or maybe perhaps writhe would be a better word for it... Really, it wasn't appropriate thoughts for the moment, but she couldn't help herself. Bea set down her photo box and camera case on the tack box next to Aria, then helped Ethan with the pony. She'd never really liked horses all that much; they were big, powerful, scary animals. But the pony was small and calm, and she didn't mind him so much. Maybe it's time to get over my fear of big, powerful animals, Bea thought, glancing over the pony's bag at Ethan, who was brushing the shaggy brown and white coat. But how could I convince him? "So, what kind of pictures did you bring?" Aria asked, when Ethan picked her up and started carrying her from the barn. "Well, one year I got a job as a photographer for the Triple Crown," Bea explained. "It was great, even if horses terrify the living daylights out of me! I got the opportunity to get a lot of great shots." Aria let out another earsplitting shriek of delight. Laughing, Bea handed the photo box to her, allowing her to hold it. She talked excitedly the whole way up the hill and into the group home, the whole time Ethan helped her out of coat, mittens, scarf, hat, and boots. Bea was removing her own caught when Ethan caught her eye and smiled at her. He rolled his eyes, too, but the expression was good-natured and amused. If he's trying to make me like him, she thought, it's working. "Why don't you take Ari down to her room before she bursts?" Ethan suggested, gently shifting the girl into Bea's arms. "I'll go get some hot cocoa." Aria was heavier than Bea would have anticipated, by the easy way Ethan carried her. She struggled down the hall and was relieved to find the door to the girl's room wide open. With a sigh she set Aria down on the bed, then settled herself at the other end. The box was full of pictures, most of them horse ones, but there was a packet at the end that she'd brought for Ethan. They were pictures she had reprinted and restored from older negatives, ones she'd wanted to share with him. Gabriel gave these to me, Bea thought, setting the packet aside. There were pictures of him and Aislinn, more than twenty years younger, of Quinn, Alastair, and Alanna as babies and young children. When she'd asked, Gabriel had said that he figured she'd enjoy making her own copies, which was why he'd given her the negatives. Sometimes Bea looked through them and pretended they were really her own family. Maybe someday I will have a family, she thought, as she settled down with Aria. Just not this one. ------- "Something wrong, Ethan?" Ethan looked up at Jill. He was toying with miniature marshmallows as he waited for the water to boil. Everything is wrong, he thought, sighing. My whole world is being turned upside down. He couldn't really tell her that, though. From everything he'd heard, Bea was supposed to be this worldly, promiscuous woman, but his interaction with her was always innocent and... sweet. Ethan found himself wishing he knew more about her, so he could understand her better. "Not at all," he answered, flashing Jill a smile. "Just thawing out, you know..." "That girl who was with you," Jill began, as she took the kettle off of the stove. "Who is she? Friend of yours?" "I uh... I guess so," Ethan replied, shrugging. "I mean, she's a friend of my cousins' and she helped me out... Ari's birthday, you know. I suppose that makes us friends..." Jill laughed softly. "You sound like a fifteen-year-old whose parents caught him kissing his girlfriend while they were supposed to be studying." Ethan shifted uncomfortably. When did everyone in the world become more perceptive about how I'm feeling than I am? he wondered, frowning. He took charge of the steaming mugs of hot cocoa, first pouring cream into them, then dropping in marshmallows. Oh, he'd never been the type to believe in love at first sight, and that hadn't changed any, but Ethan was still reminded strongly of how it had been with Andrea. He'd liked her from the very first time she smiled at him. Balancing the tray carefully with both hands, he made his way down the hall to Aria's room. Ethan peeked inside and smiled when he saw them sitting together on the bed, flipping through a stack of pictures. Bea spoke in a soft, patient tone as she related a story to the little girl. Something about the Kentucky Derby, that first time she'd been taking photos of the racehorses. "And they're really big and high-strung, of course," Bea was saying. "So when this one bolted, it nearly ran me over!" Aria's eyes were round in astonishment. "What happened?" "Well, they caught the horse," Bea told her. "And once they were sure their precious racehorse didn't hurt itself, they came back to make sure I was okay." "Racehorses are very expensive," Aria said solemnly. "I'm going to ride racehorses one day, right, Ethan?" Ethan used the hot cocoa as an excuse to hold off on his answer. Aria might walk someday but the chances of her riding racehorses were slim. It wasn't that he didn't think she would be strong enough, because the little girl got stronger every day. Where would she learn to ride racehorses? he wondered. Spots is a far cry from a Thoroughbred. And they were too far from any place that would train them. Not to mention that learning to ride horses, rather than a loaned pony, was going to be expensive. "You know," Bea began, before he got the chance to answer. "sometimes we find ourselves doing things we never expected. At your age, I would have never thought I'd be a photographer." "Really?" Aria asked. "What did you want to do?" Bea laughed. "Oh, it's nothing... something stupid..." "Tell us," Ethan insisted, as he took a seat at the end of the bed. He smiled at her, a little teasingly, unable to help herself. Bea's return smile was surprisingly shy. She fidgeted uncomfortably, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. The movement was so... human. Ethan had seen her angry, he'd seen her confident, but this was the first time he was getting to see the part of her that wasn't perfectly at ease with her. "I um... I wanted to be... to be a model..." Bea said, looking away. A sheepish smile touched her lips. "It was so... stupid. I've never had the height... I've never been thin enough or pretty enough." "Models aren't pretty," Aria said stubbornly. "Jill is always looking at pictures of runway models, but they all have faces like this." Aria sucked her cheeks in and puckered up her lips like she'd been sucking on a lemon. "And they have no boobies. Right Ethan?" Sputtering, he set his mug aside on the table so he wouldn't spill hot cocoa all over the place. It was a close thing, because he was coughing and laughing so hard that his whole body shook. Bea joined him in his laughter, but Aria apparently didn't understand what was so funny, because she was staring at them in confusion. The little girl pushed her hair away from her face and smiled, as though trying to see the joke. In the end she gave up trying. "Adults are weird!" Aria huffed, folding her arms across her chest. They had finally managed to stop laughing, but that set then off again. Bea leaned against his shoulder, trying to stifle her laughter against her hands. Groaning, Ethan leaned back against the wall and ran his fingers back through his hair. I think I got hot cocoa up my nose, he thought, rubbing at his nose. I really should be used to it when she says things like that. "Out of the mouths of babes," Ethan panted, still chuckling. "Talk to Aislinn sometime," Bea told him. "Alastair was much worse than that as a kid, apparently, and at a much younger age." Aria rolled her eyes. "Would you two stop acting silly? I want Bea to tell me more stories!" So that was what they did. Bea allowed Aria to pick out the pictures she liked the most and the little girl had nearly half the box sitting on her night table by the time they were finished. One of them, a picture of a beautiful stallion with a coat that shined like copper, Aria proclaimed as her favorite. Bea told her she would do something special with the picture and bring it back soon. Ethan finally managed to get Bea away when Aria's eyelids began drooping. He tucked the little girl in and cleared the mugs out, bringing them to the kitchen. When he came out again, Bea was pulling on her coat. She flashed him a sweet smile, and he found himself pulling on his coat and walking her out to the parking lot. She was wonderful with Aria today, Ethan thought, glancing at her as they walked. "It's funny, you know," Bea said suddenly. "I don't usually like children much. I uh... I guess I've never had the patience." She glanced at him, smiling. "But she's got so much spunk... and courage. I just wanted to do something for her... to encourage her, you know?" Ethan nodded. "That's why I do what I do. And it's true, they can be a little frustrating at times. A lot of them don't want to try very hard, but Aria is one determined little girl." "She'd have to be," Bea said, as she loaded her camera into the trunk of the car. "I can't think of much that would have me willing to go horseback riding in this weather." "How about um... a special request?" Ethan suggested hesitantly. She turned to look at him, her eyebrows raised. He'd already asked his cousins, although none of them had decided yet. So he explained about the horseback riding trip he'd promised Aria at the beginning of April. Granted, I thought it would be warmer by now, Ethan thought, but I never go back on my word. Their night of bowling had given him the idea to ask his cousins but he'd been uncertain about asking Bea. "I know you said horses frighten you," Ethan said quietly. "But it would mean a lot to Aria and um..." He shrugged and smiled. "Well, I'll keep you safe, so you don't have to be scared." He didn't know why he said it, but the way she smiled at him made him feel a little less stupid. Ethan could feel the warmth of her body as she leaned close, standing on her toes to kiss him on the cheek. Was that a yes? he wondered, watching her as she got into her car. If that was a no, I can't imagine what a yes is like... Well, actually, he could, at least his body most certainly could. I'd better get home, Ethan thought, turning to head to his car, and take a cold shower. Or... maybe a warm shower after... hoo boy. ------- "Should I remind you that you're terrified of horses?" Bea looked up from the couch and smiled. Alanna was in the kitchen with Drake, the two of them snuggling together as they molded dough into pasta. They invited her to dinner at least twice a week, and it was always something they had made together. She rose from the couch to join them in the kitchen. Bea leaned against the counter opposite them, watching them with that usual mingling of happiness and jealousy. "He told me he'd keep me safe," Bea told her friend. Alanna whipped around to stare at her. "He did not! Did he?" "He did," Bea assured her. "I think Mr. Ethan Wolfe is starting to change his mind about promiscuous women, wouldn't you say?" Alanna laughed softly. Bea took up a place next to her on the counter, leaving her sandwiched between Drake and herself. She helped them make the pasta and described the time she'd spent with Ethan and Aria. The picture the little girl had liked so much, she'd brought that with her. Bea had figured that she could convince Alanna to turn it into a painting for Aria. Her friend was always willing to do that sort of thing. "You can't wear a skirt horseback riding," Alanna reminded her, grinning. "You won't have that advantage this time." "I'm sure I can scrape together something just as sexy," Bea said, giving her friend a playful nudge. Drake chuckled. "Am I the only one who finds it ironic that Ethan is the Wolfe, yet Bea is the one on the hunt?" They both glared at him and he shrugged. "I guess so." "A girl has to know what she wants," Bea said, "and be willing to go for it. At first I thought he was such an ass but... as he loosens up, he becomes..." Wonderful, she thought, smiling to herself. He's sweet and kind and gentle... Today, with Aria, he'd reminded her of Gabriel. Bea had forgotten for awhile how their first meetings had gone. He's very responsible, she thought. He takes care of his brothers and sisters all the time, too. How often did she find someone she'd like to have a relationship with? Pretty much never, really. "Well, Drake and I will probably go," Alanna said. She was carefully lowering the pasta into a pot of water. "Alastair put his foot down on the matter, but Sada didn't argue too hard, anyway. I don't know about Quinn and Xandri." "Wait until you meet Aria," Bea said, pulling the refrigerator open. She shuffled around for sauce and grated cheese. "She's just so great... you'll love her." "Ethan talks about her a lot, actually," Alanna told her. "I've been wanting to meet her." Drake let out a beleaguered sigh. "Lonnie keeps saying she wants one just like her." Bea glanced at the two of them, surprised. As far as she'd known, they hadn't even talked about marriage yet. They hadn't even been together that long, although that never seemed to stop any of the Wolfes. They smile Alanna flashed was reassuring, though. I suppose I can't blame her for speculating one it, Bea thought, reaching over and giving her friend a hug. We're getting older and I suppose we've got to start considering the future. Watching Drake tickle Alanna, she decided that she didn't have to worry about the future just yet. ------- Chapter 6: The Runaway It wasn't the warmest day ever, only a bit over fifty, but at least it wasn't snowing or raining. Ethan balanced Aria on his hip as he headed up to the rickety looking stable building. The whole place was rugged, with paddocks fenced only by electrical wires, and overgrown trees and bushes spilling onto the pathways. Aria seemed delighted, however; she whipped her head back and forth, her eyes round and wide, as though trying to take in everything at once. Ethan had troubled just holding onto her. As they approached the stables, he caught sight of Drake first, because he towered over Alanna and especially Bea. The redhead leaned against the bar wall, talking animatedly to Alanna. Her hair had been pulled into braided pigtails. She wore simple brown cowboy boots and a fringed suede jacket that was too big but looked awfully cute. When she shifted, Ethan could see that she wore a cute laced up white peasant top beneath it. And I thought I'd get off easy because she couldn't wear a skirt, he thought, rolling his eyes. "Bea!" Aria called, wriggling in his arms. "Bea! Bea!" Bea could barely hold Aria, but she took the little girl from him anyway. "Someone should switch you to decaf, honey," she teased gently. "I had Fruity Pebbles for breakfast," Aria said proudly. "So I've got lots of sugar energy." She paused, blinking, and then turned her head to stare curiously at Drake and Alanna. "Your Ethan's cousin, right?" Alanna smiled. "That's right. And this is Drake." Aria stared at Drake for a long moment, her head tilted. Then she beckoned for Alanna to come closer. Leaning over in Bea's arms, she cupped her hands around Alanna's ear and whispered something that had her almost choking with laughter. We have been here not even five minutes, Ethan thought wryly, and already she's stealing the show. He glanced at Bea and found her watching him, smiling gently. She looks fantastic, he thought, biting the inside of his lip. "You're absolutely right, sweetie," Alanna said, when she was finished laughing. Her pale blue eyes sparkled with delight. "He is!" "Is what?" Drake asked, as she turned and headed into the stable. "What is... er, am I?" Alanna refused to answer. Bea shrugged, grinning and rolling her eyes. Ethan took Aria back from her and they headed into the barn. Horses stuck their great heads over stall doors, making Ari squeal in delight and Bea jump in fright. The little girl had no fears about reaching over and petting any available muzzle, but the redhead wasn't so enthusiastic. Ethan wasn't afraid of horses, but even he wasn't so fond of some of the really big ones. A young woman in mud-stained jeans and a bulky jacket met them at the other end of the stable, in the open paddock. There were horses tied to posts, four of them, and one somewhat oversized appaloosa pony. There was a large chestnut and a large dark brown that nearly black; these two were for Drake and Ethan. The third horse was a tall, long-legged blood bay that Alanna ended up with after it mistook her hair for hay. She'd thought it was pretty amusing. "Oh, good, a small one," Bea said, as she reached up to pat the arching neck of a small roan red with a pert muzzle and an elegant dished face. "That's perfect for me." Ethan helped Aria onto the pony first, making sure she was secure in the saddle. The farmhand was speaking to Drake, explaining how the trail wound around and eventually came back into the yard. Ethan was turning to mount his own horse when he noticed Bea struggling. As small as her horse was, she couldn't seem to get into the saddle. Smiling, he walked over to her and cupped his hands to offer her a leg up. She was surprisingly light and he lifted her easily up into the saddle. "Don't be afraid," Ethan said quietly, as he showed her how to hold the reins. "I'll be right next to you, okay?" The smile she flashed him warmed him down to his toes. I really am beginning to feel like a fifteen-year-old, he thought, turning to his own horse. What's next, wet dreams? Ethan gave himself a little shake; the last thing he needed was to give his libido any ideas. These were Western style saddles, fortunately, but they would still be rather uncomfortable if his imagination started to get away from him. ------- The trail was peaceful and beautiful, but Bea was having trouble enjoying herself. She thought having the small horse would be a good thing, but the red turned out to be rather spirited. Guess we're made for each other, she thought, sighing. The red pranced beneath her, unsettling her in the saddle. Ethan reached over several times, trying to steady the horse. This had better be worth it, Bea thought, clutching the reins desperately. Her heart was thudding loudly against her ribs. Somehow she and Ethan had ended up in front of the line. Drake and Alanna were behind them, with Aria between them. The little girl was chatting happily about her dream of riding racehorses. Alanna is delighted, Bea thought, risking a glance over her shoulder, but Drake looks a little less enthusiastic. She hoped this wouldn't cause a problem between the two of them. As far as she knew, they'd never argued before, at least not over something this big. "I think I miss the bowling alley," Bea grumbled. Ethan laughed. "And here I thought you weren't afraid of anything," he teased. "Most things I encounter on a daily basis don't weigh twelve-hundred pounds," Bea retorted. "And anything that does generally doesn't have a mind of its own!" "You just can't show that you're afraid, that's all," Ethan told her. "Let the horse know that you're the boss." "Ethan, this thing can toss me off its back," Bea said, as she clutched desperately at the reins. "If it wants to be the boss, that's fine by me!" His soft, deep laughter made her shiver. It made her feel a little better, for some reason. Ethan isn't afraid, Bea thought, and he said he'd keep me safe. It might have been just talk, but it made her feel safer. She relaxed her death grip on the reins and sat up straighter in the saddle, determined to enjoy herself. The clouds were clearing up and the overcast, gray day was turning into a beautiful sunny one. Bea could even hear birds twittering off in the trees. A second later she despised birds. One broke out of the underbrush, right beneath the nose of her horse. The horse whinnied in distress. Bea had a bare second to clutch at the saddle horn before the creature took off, charging full tilt down the path. I knew it, I knew it, I just knew it! her panicked mind screamed. She clung desperately to the saddle horn and closed her eyes, not wishing to see the trees blurring past her. If Bea could just focus on holding on, she might not fall. Faintly, over the pounding of her heart, the terrified babbling of her mind, and the staccato of hooves, she heard more hoof beats, following close behind. Bea was too afraid to see who it was. She held her breath as she felt a horse's side brush against her leg. It was Ethan's voice she heard, speaking soothingly to her terrified mount. She opened her eyes just in time to see him grab hold of the horse's reins. Oh, thank god, Bea thought, slumping in the saddle as the horse began to slow. After a couple of minutes the horse came to a stop. She lay across its neck, trembling, unable to move. Bea didn't even hear Ethan dismount, and it wasn't under she felt hands on her waist that she realized he was on the ground next to her horse. She let him pull her down out of the saddle. When her feet touched the ground, she grabbed hold of him and hung on tightly. I don't care what he thinks of me, Bea thought, pressing her face against his chest. That was terrifying! "It's all right now, Bea," Ethan soothed, running his fingers through her hair. "I told you to stay calm, sweetie. If you panic the horse will too." "It panicked before I did," Bea mumbled. His hands cupped her face and gently tilted her head up. Did he just call me sweetie? she wondered, staring up into his dark eyes. She wasn't sure if that was really a good thing, since he talked to Aria and his sisters that way. But Bea was pretty certain he didn't look at them the way he was looking at her. Ethan's thumbs gently caressed her cheeks. She was still pressed close to him and she could feel the warmth and strength of his body. "Are you all right?" Ethan asked quietly. Bea nodded slowly. "Yeah, just... just a little shaken... I just knew something bad would happen..." "It's because you anticipated," Ethan said, smiling faintly. "Nature always knows when you're scared of it." "So it torments me?" Bea rolled her eyes. He laughed softly. His fingers continued to stroke her cheeks and the touch was so soothing. Bea wasn't aware of anything beyond him. She found herself wondering if his lips were as soft as they looked. It isn't just physical, she thought, but still, I've wanted my own Wolfe for so long. Who could blame her? And Ethan was turning out to be just as wonderful, in his own way, as all the other Wolfe men. But he doesn't belong to anyone else, Bea thought, reaching up and brushing away a lock of hair that had come loose from his ponytail. She wasn't entirely certain which one of them leaned in first. Ethan's mouth settled over hers, so lightly that she wanted to scream. It was as if he was afraid. And yet... it was also kind of nice. Not a deep, passionate kiss, but a tender, chaste kissed that lasted mere heartbeats. It was the first kiss Bea had never gotten, shy and curious, with pure, simple intentions. When Ethan pulled back he stared at her in surprise. Did I do something wrong? she wondered. No, there was no way she'd done something wrong. She was pressed against him too tightly to miss his reaction. Bea wanted to pull him close and kiss him again, but the sound of approaching horses stopped her. Ethan released her suddenly, and they both turned to look down the trail. Alanna and Drake, with Aria still between them, came up the trail. "Bea!" Alanna called. "Bea, are you okay?" "I'm fine," Bea called back. "I had a knight in shining armor to come to my rescue." Alanna grinned at her. Ethan turned away, grabbing the reins of the red. Bea watched him curiously as he tied the reins around the saddle horn. What is he doing? she wondered. She squeaked in surprise when he took hold of her suddenly and lifted her into the saddle of the big dark brown. It was a whole lot higher up than the other hose had been, but when Ethan swung up behind her, she really didn't care. Bea leaned back against him, tucking her head beneath his chin. I fit perfectly, she thought, pleased. "We'll let your horse calm down a bit," Ethan explained. "You'll be safe with me." "Okay," Bea said, feeling pleased. She caught a look from Alanna. I know what you're thinking, she thought at her friend. You're thinking of course I'll be safe with him. Her friend could be just as bad as she was sometimes. Bea could take a little teasing though. She wondered, vaguely, if sitting in the saddle was suddenly a little uncomfortable for him, but she kept that thought to herself. Besides, there were other thoughts that had her head spinning. Like the fact that he'd come riding to her rescue. ------- Ethan had meant to let Bea get back on her horse before the end of the ride, but he'd kind of... forgotten. She'd been so warm and soft, and she even smelled nice. When he'd seen the red take off, his heart had nearly runaway, too, in fear. He hadn't thought about it when he'd charged off after her. And once Ethan had been sure she was safe, and he'd pulled her down into his arms... well, she'd seemed so vulnerable and scared that he'd had to hold her. She was so small and so... so... He couldn't think about that now. Ethan had to take Aria back to the group home, and he couldn't do that if he had a hard on. At least, not easily. Fortunately it wasn't a long drive for him. He managed to keep his mind off of Bea while he drove her back and while he carried her back in. Although Aria usually moved around on her crutches a lot, it was a slow and ponderous method of getting around. When they did this sort of thing, Ethan usually carried her. "That was fun," Aria murmured sleepily. "I was so excited last night, I hardly slept, and now I'm tired..." Ethan chuckled softly. "I was wondering why you were yawning so early in the day." He shifted her more comfortably onto his hip. "All right, how about a nap?" "Sounds pretty good," Aria said, stifling a yawn. "Did you have fun, Ethan?" "I had a lot of fun," Ethan assured her. "A little bit of a scare, yes, but mostly fun." "Bea was happy though," Aria said, her eyes lighting up mischievously. "Cause you held her the whole rest of the way." He looked away from those damnably knowing eyes. Aria didn't even know the whole of it, and Ethan wasn't about to tell her. He'd never hear the end of it. He managed to get her tucked into bed, with a hot mug of cocoa on her bedside table, with only a minimal amount of teasing. Now all he had to worry about was the ride home, with the memory of that kiss haunting him. Ethan hadn't meant to kiss her; it had just sort of happened. This time, at least, there was no Chase waiting for him in his apartment. He grabbed a can of soda from the refrigerator and headed into his room. Ethan dropped down on his bed, careful not to spill his soda. Maybe I'm overreacting to this whole thing about Bea's past, he thought, sipping at his soda. I mean, I shouldn't judge her based on what happened with Andrea... Ethan felt partially at fault for that, but still, none of it would have happened if it hadn't been Andrea's choice. What would happen if he considered a relationship with Bea? Would it really be such a bad thing? Ethan sat up, thinking perhaps a shower would be a good idea, when his phone rang. Startled, he reached out and picked it up. "Hey, Ethan?" That soft voice was Bea's. "Bea," he said, smiling. "Can I help you with something?" "Well, not really," Bea admitted. "I mean... kind of. You've already helped me once today." "It was my pleasure," Ethan told her. The choice of words made him wince. Did that sound like I was flirting? he wondered. Am I flirting? It had been such a long time since he'd done this sort of thing, and he'd never been that good at it to begin with. Andrea had told him once that it had been his awkward blundering that had charmed her so. Ethan supposed it was a compliment, but still, it was kind of a backhanded compliment. "Well, I was hoping maybe we could, you know, get together again," Bea said quietly. "I mean, like lunch or dinner or something..." "Like... a date?" Ethan asked. "Yeah," Bea replied. "I mean... sort of. Not like... serious or anything, just... I thought it would be fun." "It would be," Ethan agreed. "We could go to dinner... something simple... some Chinese maybe, or um... well, there's a Fire and Ice in town." Bea laughed. "I love that place! It's expensive, though..." She was the type of woman who would pay for herself, he just knew it. Hell, she'd probably offer to pay for him if he gave her the chance. Ethan hadn't been on a date--aside from the occasional disastrous blind date--in years. Still, back then he'd always paid. He was rather old-fashioned in a lot of ways; another thing Andrea had told him was part of his charm. "It'll be my treat," Ethan told her. "We'll call it a thank you." "For what?" Bea asked, her voice puzzled. "For being the perfect damsel in distress," Ethan answered, his voice slightly teasing. A shy silence met that statement, followed by soft laughter. It's really very corny, Ethan thought, but I liked it when she called me a knight in shining armor. He'd felt more like an idiot, charging after her like that. But he'd never forgive himself if something had happened to her, because he'd been the one to convince her to go. And although Bea had claimed she went for Aria, a small part of him would like to believe that it was partly for him, too. "How about next Saturday?" Bea suggested. "I uh... I guess we could invite the others, too, if you want." "Not this time, I think," Ethan said quietly. "Maybe next time but... I'd kind of like to just go, you and me..." Their conversation after that was short, but it hardly seemed to matter. There was such warm pleasure in her voice that he was painfully hard when he finally hung up the phone. She does have a sexy voice, Ethan thought, as he pulled off his clothes. And when she talks like that, when she sounds so happy... He stepped under the spray of hot water before relieving the problem she'd left him with. There was one thing he knew for certain, after the last couple of months; it was impossible to sleep with his body like that. ------- Chapter 7: Dinner With Ethan Preparation had been a long process tonight. Bea had gone through what felt like fifty different outfits. Finally she had decided on a short dress made of soft, light blue denim and simple, calf-high brown boots with fringed tops. She'd done her make-up, then stood in front of the mirror for half an hour, fussing with her hair. It was stupid, really, especially since she had decided in the end to leave it down. Bea wasn't sure if it was that she was nervous or excited; perhaps it was both. She'd agreed to meet Ethan at his place at four-thirty. The clock in her car said four-fifteen when she reached his apartment, though. I hope he doesn't mind that I'm early, Bea thought, as she headed up the stairs to his apartment. She hesitated a long moment before knocking, then finally gave in, realizing just how silly she was being. The door didn't open, but she heard Ethan call for her to come in. Wow, he really is a neat freak, she thought, looking around the apartment. The couches, which were so neatly aligned, were dark green, with cream-colored throw pillows that looked like they were rearranged each time he rose. The carpet beneath her feet was dark and had the look of being vacuumed very recently. Bea found herself wondering if she should take her shoes off. If I didn't have proof to the contrary, she thought, I'd think he was gay. "You're early," Ethan said quietly. He was standing in the doorway to his bedroom, smiling at her. Bea shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so... is that a problem?" "Nah," Ethan assured her, shaking his head. "I've been ready awhile, anyway. You uh... you look good." She smiled at him, amused by how shy he seemed. He was a typical Wolfe man in many ways; Ethan wore only a t-shirt and a pair of jeans that looked like he'd had them awhile. It was so at odds with the decorating of his apartment that Bea wondered if Bailey had had a hand in the furnishing. His hair had been pulled back, too, albeit loosely. I like him this way, she decided. I wouldn't want him to try to be something he's not simply for my sake. "Why don't we go?" Ethan suggested. "The place will be packed to the walls before very long." Bea grinned. "At least it would be nice and cozy," she teased. He quieted at that, and she thought he might be blushing. Ethan didn't speak much as they left the apartment, or on the drive to the restaurant. Oddly enough, though, the silence between them didn't feel awkward. Bea had never been the type of person to speak simply for the sake of doing so, and neither was he. They did quibble some over the radio station, but it was all in fun. The restaurant was still pretty empty when they arrived. They got seats near the grill. When they were settled, they rose together to get some food. Ethan watched her speculatively as she loaded raw beef into her bowl, and followed it up with pieces of pineapple. She returned his look when he piled noodles, chicken, beef, tomatoes, and mushrooms. "How can you eat all of that together?" Bea asked, wrinkling her nose. Ethan shrugged. "It's all going to the same place," he said. "Besides, that's the whole point of this place." "Guess I'm a simple girl," Bea said, as she ladled spicy Hawaiian sauce into a little cup. "The last thing you are is simple," Ethan told her, smiling teasingly. I do believe I'm actually blushing, Bea thought, turning her head so he wouldn't see. When she touched her cheek her skin was hot beneath her fingers. Was he flirting with me? she wondered, as she set her bowl and cup down on the counter surrounding the grill. Ugh, it's so frustrating! I can never tell with him! Usually it was obvious to Bea when a guy was flirting with her-like now, when one of the men behind the grill winked at her-but with Ethan it was harder to tell. "You here with someone, cutie?" the man behind the counter asked, as he took her bowl from her. "Actually, yes I am," Ethan answered, startling both Bea and the man. He rested a hand on Bea's shoulder. "Isn't that right?" "Dude, I wasn't-" the man began. "Hitting on another man's date, right?" Ethan interrupted, smiling sweetly. "That's what you weren't doing, right?" The man didn't speak again. Bea stared at Ethan while they waited for their food to be grilled. What was that about? she wondered. Well, he is most certainly a Wolfe man, there can be no doubt about that now. Although she wouldn't have expected him to be possessive of her. She waited until they were both seated, with plates and drinks, before bringing it up. "It's just rude," Ethan said, shrugging. "Any idiot could see that you were here with me." "He was only flirting," Bea reminded him. "I didn't think it was a big deal..." "It was disrespectful," Ethan said, frowning down at his plate. Oh, right, Bea thought, Mr. Prude. She didn't know whether to be frustrated or flattered. Of course, that hadn't been a terribly prudish thing to say, but it had thrown the guy off balance. Now I don't know what to say to him, she thought, picking anxiously at her food. I think I need a drink... Would he be bothered if she ordered one? Well, he was just going to have to deal with it. "Sorry," Ethan said quietly, startling her. "Maybe I got... a little carried away. I just hate that sort of thing." Bea smiled. "Boys will be boys, Ethan," she said. "Personally, I'm more into guys who've grown beyond high school level flirtations." Ethan grinned and she saw the tension ease out of him. Good lord, Bea thought, I'd hate to have him as my brother. She could just imagine some of what Bailey had to go through during her high school years, and what Sydney was going through now. Still... it would have been nice, growing up, to have someone that worried about her. "I think it's time for you to tell me a little bit more about yourself," Bea declared. She grinned at Ethan's look of surprise. "Don't worry, I'll let you start with small things..." ------- "No fair!" Ethan whirled at the top of the steps and grinned down at Bea. She huffed as she finally reached the top and punched him in the arm. He put an arm around her shoulders, holding her against his side. Despite her insistence that she was fine, there was no doubt in his mind that she was a bit tipsy. He hadn't know what to think when she'd decided to order a drink, but it hadn't been anything strong and she hadn't had that much. Still, Ethan was a little uncomfortable with the way she pressed against him. I was trying for friendly here, he thought, frowning. Admittedly, he wasn't sure if he uncomfortable because of her, or because of himself. He let her go once they were inside his apartment, although Bea stuck close to his side. Maybe I shouldn't have invited her up, Ethan thought, eyeing her as she settled next to him on the couch. I don't want her to get the wrong idea. Problem was, what was the right idea? For once he found himself wishing that he had Chase's easy way with women. "Why so quiet?" Bea asked, startling him out of his thoughts. "Oh, I uh... I don't know," Ethan said, smiling sheepishly. "I guess there's just a lot on my mind." Bea smiled. "Sometimes you're a little too responsible," she told him. "Ethan, don't you ever... get tired?" That question surprised him. He didn't really know how to answer that. But it's really nice, Ethan thought, staring down at her, that someone cares. Oh, he knew his brothers and sisters did, but sometimes he felt like they forgot how hard he worked. He sighed when Bea reached up and brushed his hair away from her face. Maybe I'm being stupid about this, he thought, leaning against her hand. She isn't Andrea... "Since you won our little race," Bea said, her voice low and soft, "what would you like as a prize?" "You said it wasn't fair," Ethan reminded her, leaning closer to her. "Does that mean you forfeit?" Bea asked, her voice full of laughter. She kissed him first, which startled the hell out of him. One thing was for certain: she knew how to throw him off balance. Ethan had been shy when he'd kissed her, but she was far from timid. He should have pushed her away, but his body betrayed him; he dragged her into his lap and closed his arms around her tightly. Bea fit so perfectly against him. It had been a long time since he'd held a woman this way, but Ethan's body hadn't forgotten. It was the taste of alcohol on her tongue that reminded him why it had been so long. Just like Andrea, he thought, pulling away from her. Bea tried to pull his mouth back to hers, but he pushed her away, forcing her out of his lap. Ethan felt guilty when those jade eyes filled with hurt and confusion. But I won't let this happen again, he thought, standing up. I won't go through it again. A part of him, deep down, insisted that it wasn't fair to group her with Andrea, but he couldn't help it. "What's wrong?" Bea asked, rising. She reached for his hand but he stepped back before she could catch hold of him. "You're drunk," Ethan said, frowning. Bea laughed. "I'm only a little tipsy," she said, smiling at him. "You're not worried about taking advantage of me, are you?" "No," Ethan said firmly. "I'm not into promiscuous women." Her expression changed, her eyes darkening until they seemed blank. The sudden coldness took him by surprise. Damnit, Ethan thought, taking a step forward. I should have been more tactful... Bea stepped back, slapping his hand away when he reached out for her. He watched helplessly as she spun on her heel and stomped out of his apartment, slamming the door behind herself. That was... a disaster, he thought, sinking down onto the couch. Worse, his body was still betraying him. Ethan stretched out on his back and closed his eyes, wishing it would just go away. I can't deal with this, he thought, sighing. I just can't. It's better this way. He was only going to freak out again if he tried having a relationship with someone like Bea. I just can't do that again, Ethan thought, rolling onto his side. Not for anyone. ------- "Maybe I was just being stupid. God, I feel like such an idiot..." Alanna sighed and ran her fingers through Bea's hair. The redhead rested in her lap, moping over her date with Ethan. It was odd to be the one in this position; usually she was the one needing comfort and Bea was the one giving it. Drake sat a few feet away in an armchair, watching them silently. His patience for her relationship with Bea never failed to amaze her. He always stood aside in these situations and let them handle it. Not that Alanna was unsympathetic, but she wasn't sure what to say. Bea knew how Ethan was, and she no doubt knew that she probably should have avoided alcohol, even just a little. She should never have gone up to his apartment with him, either, Alanna thought. And she should never have kissed him. The more this went on, the more she was becoming convinced that Ethan was wrong for Bea. He would never be understanding enough. "I thought... it seemed like..." Bea sighed. "I don't know, maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to." "That's not what it sounds like to me," Alanna said. "Look, Ethan may be my cousin, but it doesn't mean I have to excuse his behavior. He's being really immature." "It just seems like there's more to it than that," Bea said, shifting onto her back. "Believe me, I'm not trying to make excuses, it's just that the way he talks... it sounds like something happened." Alanna shrugged. "Maybe so. Still doesn't give him the right to be an asshole." Bea smiled for the first time since she'd arrived at the apartment. Alanna couldn't remember ever seeing her friend in tears, but this was the closest she had come. The redhead had always been tough like that. I don't know what to do about this, Alanna thought, frowning. For some ungodly reason, she really likes Ethan. Well, she'd started to, too, until this. Her cousin had seemed like he was loosening up, and then he'd pulled this crap. "Maybe if I give him a few days..." Bea mused. "He's going to need a few years," Alanna said, rolling her eyes. "Bea, Ethan simply does not have the maturity to deal with someone who has your kind of experience." It was the wrong thing to say. She wasn't certain why, but she knew it was. Bea sat up abruptly and stood up off the couch. Alanna could see the tension in her shoulders as she stalked towards the door, reaching for the hook where her coat hung. What did I do? she wondered, springing up off the couch to follow her friend. Bea whirled as she approached, her green eyes blazing with golden flecks. Alanna took a step back, startled at the anger in her eyes. "And what experience would that be?" Bea demanded, glaring at her. "Bea..." Alanna said quietly, taking a step back. Bea set her hands on her hips. "Why is it that when a woman has a sexually open attitude, people assume it must mean her legs are always open, too?" she asked, her voice raising. "Bea, I... I didn't mean..." Alanna stammered, her eyes widening. "I don't know why I never realized," Bea said, shaking her head. "You know nothing about my past and yet you, just like everyone else, assume I'm the fucking Whore of Babylon!" Bea yanked her coat off the hook and pulled it on roughly. "Well I am so sick of being judged by people like you! I'm done!" Alanna stared, open-mouthed, as the door slammed shut. She heard Drake rise from the chair and come towards her, but she couldn't move. In all the years they'd known each other, Bea had never spoken to her like that. She felt tears slide down her cheeks. Drake put his arms around her, pulling her against his chest and murmuring to her soothingly, but it didn't stop the ache. Maybe she's right, Alanna thought, turning in Drake's arms. But it's not fair! She's never told me anything! Bea had always been stubbornly reticent about her past. Although she had tried many times, Alanna had never gotten her friend to speak of it. I figured maybe she was ashamed, she thought, pressing her face against Drake's shoulder. I... I know... She knew that Bea hadn't been a virgin when she slept with Quinn. And Alastair wouldn't have slept with her if she had been. So there was something more, something she didn't want anyone to know. "Calm down, Lonnie," Drake murmured, rocking her soothingly. "This isn't your fault..." "Yes it is," Alanna said, pulling back from him. "Drake, Bea is my best friend. I shouldn't assume things about her." "She never told you otherwise," Drake reminded her, wiping a tear from her cheek with the tip of his finger. "Maybe you've been a little unfair, sweetie, but so has she. She said herself that you don't know her past, right?" Alanna nodded. "She's never told me." "So she can't expect you not to make some assumptions," Drake said, smiling gently. "You two have known each other for years. Something like this won't destroy that, I promise." Alanna sighed and rested her head against his chest. She knew he was right, but it still worried her. I'm such a train wreck sometimes, she thought, wiping at her eyes. I don't know what I'd do without him... She'd been having nightmares lately. Although she wouldn't tell Drake what they were about, he seemed to know anyway. And now I have this to stress me out too, Alanna thought wryly. So much for my eight hours a night. ------- If the cup had been glass, it would have shattered. As it was, it bounced off the wall, sending water flying in every direction. I don't care, Bea thought, dropping unceremoniously onto the couch. I just don't care. She couldn't remember the last time she had been this hurt and angry. Ethan was bad enough, but at least with him, she got the feeling there was more to it. For Alanna to make those same assumptions... it drove Bea absolutely crazy. Oh, it wasn't like she wasn't guilty of some of what she was accused of, just not so much as people seemed to think. Do they all have that impression of me? she wondered, curling up on her side. Does everyone? Until Ethan, Bea had never dwelled on it much. Did everyone she knew see her as some kind of rabid slut? Before it hadn't really occurred to her to care, but now it was bothering her more and more every day. Annoyed, she slammed her fist against the couch. Bea ignored the phone when it started ringing. She wanted nothing to do with anyone right now. It's probably Alanna, she thought, biting her lip. But I am really, really not in the mood to talk. The answering machine could pick it up. Bea reached for her blanket and pulled it up over her shoulders, not caring that she still wore her make up and nylons. The answering machine beeped. "This is Marco Henderson, from She," a male voice spoke into the machine. "We've looked over your portfolio, Ms. Johansen, and I must say, we were rather impressed. We were hoping you could perhaps come out here and take a look at our operation..." Bea opened her eyes. "She" was a fashion magazine based in California. It had been more than six months since she'd sent them her portfolio, so she hadn't expected them to ever get back to her. At the time she'd considered finding a job elsewhere and moving; that was when she was still mooning of Alanna. I hadn't thought of it in months, Bea thought, sitting up. I ended up deciding I wasn't going to move but maybe... maybe it's time I did. ------- Chapter 8: Sick It was earlier than usual when Ethan stepped out the door of the group home. Is there a female in my life that isn't pissed off at me? he wondered, sighing. It's bad enough with Bailey harping on me all the time, I don't need Aria doing the same. The little girl had not left him be since she'd found out about his fight with Bea. She was barely talking to him now. This is not my fault, Ethan thought, gritting his teeth. I have a right to like what I want! He wasn't having the easiest time in the world convincing himself of that. Ethan considered apologizing, but he hadn't seen or heard from Bea in a week. He'd told himself a million times that she was probably just busy, but now he wondered if he was only making excuses. I doubt she'd want me, of all people, calling her or going to her apartment, Ethan thought. Besides which, how come she's the one who gets to be angry here? It's not like she ever denied it... "Ethan!" Startled, he turned and found himself facing Alanna. Uh oh, he thought, taking in the expression on her face. Looks like that "Ethan, you're in so much trouble" look runs in the family. She stopped a few feet away from him and folded her arms over her chest, staring him down. The problem with that look was that it always got his back up. Ethan drew to a halt and gazed down at her, waiting. He was not in the mood for an argument today, but he would give as good as he got, for sure. "I was just leaving," Ethan said, "so if you could make it quick..." "Fine," Alanna said, scowling. "It's been over a week since I last saw Bea." "What do you want me to do about it?" Ethan asked, trying to move past her. She grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop. "Look, I know you're not innocent in this," Alanna growled, gripping his arm tight. "This whole thing has become a disaster all the way around, but what set it off was you and your anal-retentive, prudish comments!" He stared at her open-mouthed. Alanna had always struck him as sweet and quiet, so unlike his sisters. Now, however, he was reminded exactly of them. Bailey had said something very similar to him and even Sydney had told him he had gone too far. Ethan eased himself from Alanna's grip. She's stronger than she looks, he thought, frowning at her. I wish she'd leave me the hell alone, though. What about him? Why did they assume that he was wrong and that Bea had been perfectly innocent? "I want you to apologize!" Alanna insisted, glaring at him. "She won't answer her phone and when I go over there she won't answer the door, either." Ethan frowned. "Why don't you go an apologize? She's your friend," he said. "Besides which, why is this all on me? This wouldn't have even happened if she didn't throw herself at me like a-" His words were cut off when Alanna's hand lashed out, catching him across the cheek. Ethan stood, stunned, his skin burning. He looked down at her, his ears pounding with the heavy silence. Her pale blue eyes blazed with fury but he could see the way her mouth trembled as though she was close to tears. Alanna stepped back from him, then turned and fled into the darkening parking lot. Well that's a first for me, Ethan thought, rubbing his cheek. No, wait... Bailey, that one time... well, I deserved that one. As he climbed into his car, he couldn't help wondering if he had deserved the one from Alanna, too. It takes two to tango, they say, he thought, sighing heavily. And I guess I wasn't exactly innocent, but... It was knowing that he'd really hurt her that got to Ethan. He got the impression that something had occurred between Alanna and Bea, but it might not have if it wasn't for him. God, I am such a pushover, he thought, as he turned his car in the direction of Bea's apartment. His cell phone went off, startling him. He used it so rarely that he often forgot that he had it. Ethan kept a pager, too-Bailey ragged on him all the time for that-so most people reached him that way unless they absolutely had to talk to him at that moment. Grumbling beneath his breath, he grabbed it and answered without bothering to look and see who it was. "Ethan? It's Alanna..." He took a deep breath. "Yes?" "I uh... I'm sorry..." she stammered, her voice thick with tears. "I... I don't know what came over me, I... I'm not usually like that. Oh, god, Ethan, I'm so sorry..." He remembered everything he knew about Alanna, all the things she'd been through. Guess I'm not the only one in the family who is a nervous wreck, Ethan thought, rolling his eyes. He could understand just fine about acting in a way you normally wouldn't. It wasn't like him to be quite so judgmental of people, not like this, but Bea stirred something in him that had been dormant for more than three years now. "It's okay," he said quietly, trying to soothe her. "I don't blame you for being angry... not really." "But I shouldn't have done that," Alanna said, sighing. "I've been working through some stuff lately and it's got me really stressed out, but I shouldn't take that out on you." Ethan grinned. "I'm not going to get into this kind of argument, Alanna," he told her. "Look, it's all right. I'm fine. You hit like a girl, anyway." She laughed softly. It was good to hear her laughter. This is going to be tough enough, Ethan thought, without adding the stress of a fight with Alanna. He told her he'd talk to her later about it, then tossed the phone in his glove compartment. At least the drive to Bea's was fairly short, so he didn't have time to sit around and worry about what had just happened. If Bailey finds out she'll cal an emergency mediation, Ethan thought wryly. Bea's apartment building was the most rundown, ragged looking thing he had ever seen. The stairs were rusted metal and creaked loudly beneath his feet. Most of the doors had missing numbers. Bea's was supposed to be fourteen but only the four was actually still on the door; the one was merely a faded impression left on the paint. Ethan knocked loudly, hoping he wasn't waking her up. It was only about seven-thirty, but if she had been busy for the last week or so, she might be tired early. When she didn't answer at first, he thought she might not be home. Curious, he peeked over the railing and saw her car in the parking lot. Frowning, Ethan knocked again, louder this time. At last he heard shuffling inside and a click as the door unlocked, but it didn't open. I guess I'll take that as a welcome, he thought, pushing the door open carefully and stepping inside. It was cold inside, surprisingly so. Ethan saw Bea, swaying slightly on her feet, making her way over to the couch. She dropped down onto it unceremoniously and dragged a ragged blanket up over herself. "Bea?" Ethan asked, stepping over to the couch and looking down at her. "Are you okay?" "Sleepy," Bea muttered, snuggling down further onto the beaten couch. Her hair looked damp and her face was flushed. Concerned, he knelt beside the couch and reached up to brush her hair back from her face. Ethan rested his hand on her forehead and nearly jumped back in surprise. "You're burning up!" he exclaimed. "Have you been laying here sick all week?" "No, I just got back yesterday," Bea murmured, pulling away from his touch. "I'm the only person I know who can come back from California with the flu." "I'm taking you to the hospital," Ethan said, rising to his feet. "Your fever is much too high." Bea struggled and shoved at him when he tried to help her up. She turned away from him and pulled her blanket tighter around herself, as though shielding herself from him. Just like my brothers and sisters, Ethan thought, trying to turn her over. Fortunately I'm used to doing this sort of thing. Bea had little strength, sick as she was, but she struck at him when he tried to pick her up. Her nails caught his arm, raking over her skin enough to scratch him. "I hate the hospital," she grumbled when he had finally let go of her. "I'll be fine. Just let me sleep." "At least let me put you to bed," Ethan said, rubbing his arm where she'd scratched him. Bea snorted. "This is my bed," she told him. "Now leave me alone." She rolled over again, turning her back to him. This is it? Ethan thought, taking in the battered couch. She needs to be in a real bed. She'll never get better this way. What she needed was a hospital, but he was reluctant to force her if she truly didn't want to go. Plenty of people couldn't stand the hospital, after all. The problem was that with her fever so high, she might dehydrate. I can't leave her like this, Ethan thought, looking around. His "Big Brother Taking Charge" attitude, as Bailey and Sydney called it, was kicking in. I hope I don't regret this, he thought, shaking his head. Ethan glanced around quickly, wondering where she kept her things. He saw suitcases tucked into one corner, open and full of neatly folded clothes. How can she have so little? he wondered, as he headed over to the suitcases. There was a very old, very battered backpack there as well. A little uncertainly, he picked some clothing at random and stuffed them into the backpack, then zipped it up and slid it over one shoulder. Ethan glanced over at Bea, saw the way she tossed on the couch, and knew that he had to do this. He wrapped her in the blanket, making sure her feet were tucked under it, then lifted her up. She was a tiny little thing and light as could be. Granted he was no puny little twig, but she just felt... small. Like something that needs to be protected, Ethan thought, settling her more comfortably in his arms. "No hospital..." Bea murmured, struggling feebly in his arms. "No hospital," Ethan promised, "but I can't leave you here alone and there's no way I can take care of you here." She mumbled something incoherent and snuggled up against him, letting her head rest against his chest. Poor thing, Ethan thought, leaning down and kissing her forehead gently. Now I feel like even more of a heel for what I said. It was a trick getting her out of the apartment and down to the car, but he managed well enough. When she was tucked securely in the front seat, a seatbelt strapping her in, and her backpack at her feet, Ethan climbed into the drivers' side and drove her back to his apartment. Bea was barely coherent. Maybe I should take her to the hospital anyway, Ethan thought, as he carried her into his apartment. I know I said I wouldn't, but... He was so worried. And when he was finally in his apartment, she wriggled out of his arms so suddenly that he couldn't hold her. Somehow, stumbling and half-blind, Bea made it to the bathroom. Ethan tossed the blanket onto the couch and followed her, reaching the bathroom in time to hold her hair back from her face. "Shhh..." Ethan soothed, rubbing her back gently as she threw up. He could feel her trembling. Ethan continued stroking her hair back as she sat down hard on the tiles, resting her cheek against the toilet seat. Her soft, lovely jade eyes flickered up to look at him. Through the blur of sickness he could see such vulnerability that it made him want to scoop her up and hold her tight. Ethan held onto her shoulders as she straightened up and wiped her mouth. "I feel... gross..." Bea said, her voice shaking with exhaustion. "I want to be... clean..." "I don't think you can stand up long enough for a shower," Ethan told her, as he rose and began helping her to her feet. "But I've got a spare toothbrush you can use. I won't let you fall." He hooked an arm around her and held her against his chest as he opened the medicine cabinet and retrieved the spare toothbrush. Ethan let Bea lean on him while he opened it and spread toothpaste on it. Don't have to worry here, he thought, as she sluggishly brushed her teeth. Nothing sexy about taking care of someone who's full of phlegm. He would have laughed if she wasn't feeling so ill. Ethan was used to having patience with sick people, though, and he had no problem waiting on Bea. "I still want to be clean," Bea said, letting the toothbrush fall into the sink. "I can stand up long enough." Experimentally he let her go. She wobbled on her feet and almost fell before he caught her again. How on earth did she get this sick? Ethan wondered, frowning. He would have to get the whole story out of her when she was feeling better. Somehow he got the feeling there was more to it than she was letting on. Bea swayed slightly as he turned her to face him, but he saw that her eyes were set and determined. "I want to be clean," she said again. "Please, Ethan, I... I hate feeling this way..." "I don't think this is a good idea..." Ethan hedged. "If you fall..." "Then hold me up," Bea said quietly, sagging against him. "I'm so tired... I need your help..." Does she even realize what she's saying? he wondered. Will she even remember any of this when she wakes up? Looking down at her, he already knew what he was going to do. Her exhaustion was from more than being sick, though; she'd mentioned something about 'getting back' and California, so maybe she hadn't slept much on her trip. All Ethan knew was that he wanted to help her. The trick would be how. Good thing I never wear anything expensive, he thought, when he'd finally made up his mind. Keeping Bea carefully tucked under one arm, he opened the shower door and turned the water on. While it was warming up, Ethan helped her out of her clothing, which was damp with sweat and wrinkled. Something clean will do her some good, he thought, tossing her clothes aside. And maybe getting under the water will cool her fever a bit. It generally helped his brothers and sisters. "I'm going to stand right here," Ethan told her, as he helped her into the shower. "If you feel like you're going to fall, just grab hold of me." "I'm so tired," Bea complained, sighing as the water sluiced down over her back. "What were you doing in California, anyway?" Ethan asked, leaning just outside the shower door. He wasn't terribly surprised when water sprayed in his direction; he'd been prepared for that. "Just a vacation," Bea mumbled, swaying unsteadily on her feet. Ethan reached into the shower and grabbed her wrist before she could fall. Her hands clutched at his arm, steadying herself. She looked up at him from beneath a fringe of red-gold lashes and he suddenly found it hard to breathe. Even sick and dead on her feet, she was beautiful. Bea released her hold on him, looking much steadier, and began a quick cleaning with a bar of soap sitting on the soap dish. Ethan looked away and stared at the bathroom wall instead. "This feels good..." Bea sighed, her voice sounding a little clearer. "God, I feel like crap... I haven't slept a wink in two days." "Why not?" Ethan asked, turning to look at her despite himself. "Bea, you should take better care of yourself!" She rolled her eyes. "Yes, mom." He had no response for that. And besides, it was difficult to respond when he was so busy staring. Ethan watched as she quickly washed her hair and rinsed soap suds from the damp red locks. Thank god I'm not the one who's naked, he thought, shifting uncomfortably. This is bad enough as it is. He turned off the shower when she was finished and retrieved a big, fluffy towel to wrap her in. Ethan picked her up, cradling her carefully in his arms, and carried her into his room. "Now, here's how this works," he said, as he dried her off. "Tonight you're going to stay here. Shortly, I'm going to go out and get some Gatorade for you." Ethan draped the towel over her shoulders and went over to his closet, pulling a t-shirt down off a hanger. "Which, by the way, you'll get to have several times throughout the night, and plenty of it." "I hate Gatorade," Bea muttered, lifting up her arms for him to pull the t-shirt over her head. I should savor this while it lasts, Ethan thought, because I'll never see her this docile ever again. Out loud he said, "You're going to drink it anyway. If, by the morning, your fever hasn't gone down some-or if it spikes up again during the day-I'll be taking you to the hospital whether you like it or not." Things were definitely much easier when he could just take charge. Ethan felt much more in control in this situation, even if his body was still attempting to betray him. Not sleeping for two days, he thought, as he settled her into his bed and tucked the blankets around her. No wonder she got sick. Bea had never seemed to be the type who slept enough anyway. Missing two days hadn't done her any good. When she was curled up beneath the blankets, dozing, he sat on the edge of the bed and reached over to brush her hair back from her face. This is probably one of the most foolish things I've ever done, Ethan thought, leaning over and gently kissing her forehead. But I just can't help it. Seeing her so vulnerable had woken that protective streak in him. And it gave him a way to make it up to her for being such an ass. I should wait until I know her better, Ethan decided, leaning up against the headboard, before I decide what kind of person she is. ------- Chapter 9: The Truth About Bea The first night was the worst. Ethan had to hold Bea while she threw up several more times, to the point where he almost forgot his promise and took her to the hospital. Instead he had her drink a lot of Gatorade-something she was not at all happy about-and managed to get a little chicken broth in her, as well. It was nearly dawn by the time Bea settled enough to sleep. Ethan was holding her, gently rubbing her back, when she finally drifted off. Her fever had gone down enough by the time they awoke that afternoon that he wasn't in a hurry to get her to the hospital. Bea was able to eat a little bit of toast and sit up on the couch for awhile and watch T.V. She was surprisingly docile throughout the day, doing what he told her to without argument. Ethan thought she was adorable when she was being obedient, but he wasn't about to tell her that. Somehow he got the feeling that even sick she wouldn't let him get away with it. That second night, when Ethan had tucked her into bed and turned to leave, she'd grabbed the end of his shirt. Bea didn't have to say anything; the look in her soft jade eyes spoke loudly enough. Amazingly enough he had no trouble at all falling asleep with her curled up against him. Both of them slept peacefully that night. The third day her fever was nearly gone. And I need to get back to work soon, Ethan thought, as he filled yet another glass full of Gatorade. It was getting late and he should really be putting Bea to bed, but she was getting restless today. God, what am I, a housewife? he wondered, as he headed into his room. I like taking care of people way too much. Bea's vulnerability was so... so... Sexy, Ethan thought, pausing in the doorway of his bedroom. She was curled up on his bed, the blankets kicked mostly aside, baring her legs. Bea was wearing only one of his t-shirts, which was much too large on her. Her hair was stark against his pillow, laid out like deep crimson silk. Those soft jade eyes watched him, full of the hint of smile that played at the edges of her lips. It was a shy smile, not her usual teasing smile. She's needed me these past few days, Ethan thought, as he handed her the glass of Gatorade and helped her sit up. It felt good to be needed. "Thanks," Bea said, taking a sip from the glass. "God, I didn't like this stuff to begin with, now I just can't stand it. Maybe I should have gone to the hospital." "You would have gotten the same thing," Ethan told her, sitting down on the bed next to her. "Except in the hospital it doesn't come in flavors and they give it to you through I.V." Bea grimaced. "On second thought, this stuff ain't so bad." Ethan laughed. He watched her down half the glass, then put it aside, wrinkling her nose. I could almost forget what I know about her, he thought, watching the way she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She seems so innocent right now... He stomped down hard on that line of thinking; that was what had started all this in the first place. Ethan reached over, catching that wayward strand of hair in his fingers. Suddenly he wanted to kiss her more than he'd wanted anything in a very long time. He made it a soft, gentle kiss, a quick, chaste little thing, so he wouldn't give her the wrong idea. It was enough; it had to be. Ethan scooted up onto the bed with her, sighing as she curled instinctively against his side. "I have to know," Ethan said quietly. He touched a finger to her lips before she could speak. "I know, Bea, that I've been unfair to you. There are reasons I feel the way I do and... I'm not sure I'm ready to explain. But..." He sighed, shrugging. "I guess this isn't fair of me, once again, but I need to know about you because otherwise..." She didn't have to ask him what he was talking about, he was sure of it. Bea looked away from him and he was certain he'd made things worse than before. It's not so easy anymore, Ethan thought, to tell someone what I'm feeling. He couldn't love someone until he knew enough about them, but he certainly liked Bea more than anyone in a long time. "Sometimes the truth is worse than the rumors," Bea said quietly. "Are you sure you want to know?" "Unless you really are the Whore of Babylon," Ethan said, "and I doubt you are, I don't think it can be much worse." He shrugged. "People already assume the worst about your reputation. I'd like to know the truth, no matter how bad, before I make any more assumptions." "I think you were trying to be humorous," Bea said, blinking at him. She sighed. "Well, all right, you asked for it... try to remember that when you see how disgusting I am... I was twelve... and he was eighteen." She paused and smiled, a small, self-mocking smile. "God, I was so stupidly in love." Twelve? Ethan thought, his eyes widening slightly. He looked her over, tried to imagine her at twelve. Girls were growing up much, much too fast these days. Even at this age, with what I know, she can look so sweet and vulnerable, he thought, clenching his fingers to keep himself from going after that wayward strand again. She must have been such a darling at twelve. If she had been Ethan's sister, or even his friend, he probably would have given hell to any guy who looked at her for too long. "He wasn't the problem, though, in reality," Bea went on. "I mean, yes, I slept with him, but... the problem was my mother's boyfriend." She turned her head slightly to look up at him. "My father left when I was six. She met this guy when I was eleven. And... he was half her age, closer to mine than hers... twenty-three. And he was gorgeous... I was thirteen when he walked in on me and my boyfriend... I thought we were in so much trouble." Bea flashed that self-mocking smile again. "Silly me. I guess once he knew I wasn't even a virgin anymore..." She was a child, Ethan thought, unable to stop himself from touching her hair. She might have been in love and she might have been willing, but she was a child. Bea looked at him, startled, as he ran his fingers back through her hair. He could imagine all the feelings of guilt, shame, remorse, and defiance she must have felt over the years. And Ethan knew that people would condemn her for this so easily; no wonder she hadn't wanted to tell anyone. "My mother always seemed to blame me for my father leaving," Bea went on. "and she was terrified her boyfriend would leave, too. He knew it. And he said if I slept with him he wouldn't leave." She lifted her head and looked up at him, her green eyes sharp and a little cold. "I would have anyway. He didn't have to coerce me. I thought he was sexy... and I hated my mother always blaming me... but I don't think he realized it..." Her voice trailed off, and Ethan realized he'd pulled his hand away. He couldn't help it; what she'd said was shocking. At thirteen? he wondered. How could she... ? Well, okay, he was getting some hard ons at thirteen and girls seemed to develop quicker than boys, so maybe it wasn't so out there. She never told Alanna this, Ethan thought, reaching out again, because she didn't want another person to turn away from her. Bea jerked away when his fingers brushed her hair again. She turned on him and lifted her chin, narrowing her eyes. "I enjoyed it, Ethan," she said, her voice soft but fierce. "And I even maintained my relationship with my boyfriend for almost a year, at the same time." The strength in her voice faltered then. "I... every time something went wrong, mom blamed me. So I got her back every time by sleeping with him... I was fifteen when she caught us. She found us having sex in her bed." Despite the trembling of her voice, her chin remained high, defiant. "And she kicked me out. She told all my relatives what I'd done and she told... she told everyone. She told them I was a slut, that I'd seduced him..." And you didn't deny any of it, Ethan thought, because you were willing through the whole thing. He wasn't certain what to say to that. A part of him was horrified, but it was the part that had suffered that ordeal, four years ago. Another part of him wanted to pull her close and remind her that she was only human, that she was allowed to make mistakes. But Bea wasn't finishing talking, so Ethan listened; he wanted to let her get all of it out into the open. "I met Alanna not long after that," Bea said quietly. "While I was struggling, trying to maintain school and a job and my apartment... she and her family, they were so wonderful, so perfect." She smiled wryly. "The reason I never slept around as much as people assumed was because I met them... once you go Wolfe, you never go back..." Ethan smiled slightly. "That's always good to know..." "I guess I'll sleep on the couch tonight," Bea said, sliding down off the bed. "Unless you want to drive me home." "What?" Ethan frowned. "Why?" "Well, come on," Bea said, rolling her eyes. "You can't possibly want me sleeping next to you know. Not with my past and my experience and..." She squeaked in surprise as he pulled her back down onto the bed. Ethan wasn't sure what had gotten into him, only that her story hadn't made him feel disgusted; not really. She tries to be so tough, he thought, dragging her up against him, but she really is pretty scared underneath. Bea looked up at him, her soft green eyes wary and unsure. Ethan brushed the hair back from her face and, despite his better judgment, brushed his lips lightly over hers. "You were very young," he said softly, "and you obviously got caught up in what was happening around you." Ethan pulled back, flashing her an echo of her self-mocking smile. "I know exactly what that's like, believe me." "Do you? Do you really?" Bea's stubborn look was back. "Did you understand anything I told you? I was twelve when I lost my virginity! And I slept with a man twice my age for years, not because he threatened me but because I wanted to do it! I'm not a victim here!" "Then why are you getting so angry?" Ethan asked, reaching up to cup her face gently in his hands. "Bea, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I've been such an asshole." He wasn't sure what else to say. This was bringing back memories that he didn't want to recall. I can't tell her yet, Ethan thought, but I can say something to make her see... He imagined it must have been odd, his sudden change of heart, but she hadn't seen what he'd seen these past three days. Carefully he picked her up and settled her in his lap, startling her further. "I know what it's like to do something you probably shouldn't have," Ethan said quietly. "And to find all these ways in your head to justify it, to convince yourself that it wasn't bad, but there's always this part of you, deep down inside, that wonders. That regrets." He ran his fingers gently along the side of her cheek. "Can we start over? Please?" "I don't want to start over," Bea said, looking away. "It was hard enough to get you to kiss me... am I supposed to try from the beginning again?" Ethan smiled. "I said start over. I didn't say as what." She let out a soft, breathless squeak as his mouth settled over hers. It's time to move on, Ethan thought, feeling her lips move beneath his. He thought that he couldn't handle Bea, because she reminded him of what had happened with Andrea, but maybe she was exactly what he needed. Once, his therapist had told him he should find something selfish, something he wanted just for the sake of wanting it, and go for it. She was something Ethan really wanted. "You confuse me," Bea told him, looking at him wide-eyed. Ethan laughed. "I confuse me," he admitted. "Well, this is good, it means we're on the same wavelength." Her laughter made him feel better. So, okay, yes, they had an awful lot to work through and quite a bit to talk about... eventually. Bea had given him really only a bare outline of her story-for which he was grateful, at the moment-but eventually everything would need to be out in the open. Ethan was just grateful to have gotten this far. Amazing how much having a person puking in your bathroom can change how you see them, he thought wryly. "All right," Ethan said, "time for more Gatorade." Bea sighed. "You really are an asshole." ------- Hot water rained down on her. Bea ran her hands back through her hair, pushing it away from her face, and squeezing suds from it. Good to be able to stand on my own this time, she thought, as she reached up to turn the shower off. I feel about a million times better. It wasn't just that her fever was gone, either. Telling Ethan about her past, even though she hadn't gotten into too many of the sordid details, had felt good. Bea hadn't spoken aloud of the incident since she'd been sixteen. People don't understand, she thought, as she wrapped a towel around herself. I'm a sexual creature and I have been for a lot of years, but why should that make me a bad person? The truth was, Bea was much, much too picky to ever be as much of a slut as people liked to accuse her of. I'm such a man-snob, she thought, giggling to herself. Now, where did I put my clothes... ? Damnit. She'd left them on Ethan's bed. No big surprise, really; Bea was always forgetting something or other. "Hey, Bea, did you want some... oh." Ethan paused in the entryway of the kitchen. "Uh..." "Forgot my clothes," Bea explained, smiling sheepishly. "Not on purpose, though... I mean..." "I think my towels are plenty big enough for you," Ethan said, grinning. "You're so tiny." I can't believe he makes me blush, Bea thought, watching him as he came closer. He'd been teasing her, but the look in his eyes changed suddenly to one much more serious. Ethan reached up and gently touched her face. She could see the desire in his dark eyes. He's always holding back, Bea thought, stepping up against him. He needs to realize that he doesn't have to. She wasn't blushing anymore; she was too busy focusing on kissing him. Bea had to stand on her toes to reach his mouth. Even then, Ethan had to lower his head. His hands rested on her hips, so gentle and polite that she wanted to scream her frustration. She caught hold of his hands, drawing them up higher. To her surprise he took a firmer hold on her, lifting her up suddenly. The kitchen table was just behind them and Ethan set her down on it, making it easier for him to reach her. Bea opened her lips as the insistence of his tongue, reaching up to wind her fingers in his hair. It was like playing with fire. Ethan pulled back briefly, his eyes wide, breathing hard. She felt his uncertainty, felt him start to pull back, and dragged him close again. He didn't pull away. Bea shivered as he pulled open the towel and let it bunch around her hips. She leaned back, bracing one hand on the table, as his mouth traveled down along her neck and between her breasts. Ethan's lips lightly traced the curve of her breast, his tongue and teeth playing over her skin. Bea wrapped her fingers tighter in his hair and moaned as his mouth closed around her nipple. The two of them jumped a foot when the door banged open. Ethan grabbed hold of her, hiding her behind him as Chase barged his way into the apartment. He stopped just inside the doorway, his eyebrows raised, a smug grin starting to curve the corners of his mouth. Bea quickly grabbed the ends of her towel and pulled it back around herself, tucking it securely. "Should I come back later?" Chase asked, wriggling his eyebrows at them. "You should learn to knock," Ethan grumbled, turning to face his brother. "Bea, why don't you go get dressed?" She slipped down off the table and went into Ethan's room, making sure to close the door securely. Damnit, Bea thought, grabbing her clothes off the bed. I finally get him to let loose and his brother has to show up and ruin it! Ethan reminded her somewhat of Alanna when she'd first met her; reserved and rigid, with a lot of fire trapped underneath, waiting to be released. Alanna was pretty willing to explore, though, once I woke her up, Bea thought. Something tells me Ethan is going to take some work. She got dressed quickly. As she was pulling her jeans on, she could hear the voices of Ethan and Chase through the door. Bea, it's not polite to eavesdrop, she told herself, as she crept to the door. Oh, damn, I've never had any manners anyway. She leaned against the door, head tilted back against it, quieting her breathing so she could hear what they were saying. "You know, Ethan," Chase said, "when Bailey suggested that it was time you started having a life again, I don't think she meant for you to suddenly start shacking up with the redhead." "We aren't 'shacking up'," Ethan retorted. "And her name is Bea." "Right, right," Chase said, laughter in his voice. "Whatever you were doing, it looked like fun." "It was nothing," Ethan grumbled. "You're reading too much into it." Bea moved away from the door then. Nothing? she thought, biting her lip. Maybe it was nothing. It shouldn't hurt so much, she supposed, but... Sighing, Bea gathered the rest of her things and shoved them into her backpack. Guess it's time for me to go, she thought, slinging her backpack over her shoulder. Maybe Chase can give me a ride home. But Chase was gone by the time she got out of the room and Ethan was closing the apartment door. She tried to shove past him, but he grabbed her arm. "What are you doing?" Ethan asked, turning her to face him. "Nothing," Bea replied, narrowing her eyes on him. To her surprise he started to laugh. "Bea, do me a favor," Ethan said, catching her face in his hands. "Until you know my brother, please don't judge me for not wanting to tell him about anything more sexual than a handshake, okay?" She couldn't help laughing herself; he just sounded so exasperated. Ethan slid an arm around her waist, pulling her against him suddenly. He leaned down and kissed her forehead gently. When he pulled back, his expression was thoughtful. "I don't think you're ready to go home yet," Ethan said, adopting a frown. "But I feel fine," Bea told him, blinking in surprise. "No, you're definitely not well enough yet," Ethan insisted. She stared at him, puzzled, as he took her backpack from her and tossed it aside. Bea shrieked, grabbing at his shoulders, as he swept her up into her arms. It wasn't until now, she thought, as he carried her into his room, that I realized I didn't bring any shoes. It was an odd time to be thinking it, but she was like that sometimes. Ethan deposited her gently on the bed and climbed up next to her, pulling the blankets over them both. He tugged her against him and Bea sighed, resting her head on his chest. "You know," she said, "now that I think about it, I am still feeling a little feverish." "Then you should stay another night," Ethan murmured, burying his fingers in her hair. "I'll take good care of you, Bea. I promise." ------- Chapter 10: Mini-Golf Bea knew, from talking to Ethan, that their planned mini-golf trip was still on. The problem was that she hadn't yet made up with Alanna. I can't well be golfing with her if we're still angry at each other, she thought, as she made her way up the stairs to Alanna's and Drake's apartment. Well... I guess I'm not angry at her, but I couldn't blame her if she was angry at me. It hadn't been fair of Alanna to make assumptions, it was true. But it hadn't been fair of Bea to expect her not to, when she never explained anything, either. Anger might have been preferable to the bone-crushing hug she got when Alanna opened the door. Not that I'm not glad that she's not angry with me, Bea thought, as she wriggled out of her friend's grip. But damn, she's stronger than she looks. She could hear the shower running. Judging based on what Alanna was wearing-a t-shirt and nothing else-Drake was probably waiting for her in the bathroom. Definitely going to make this quick, Bea thought, lifting her eyebrows curious. Alanna at least had the good grace to blush. "Where have you been?" Alanna asked, steering Bea towards the couch. "I can't stay," Bea said, gently pushing her friend away. "I just... wanted to apologize. And to let you know that I'm okay." Alanna sighed. "You scared me, Bea," she said. "You just disappeared all of a sudden... what happened?" "I um... took a small vacation," Bea explained, shifting uncomfortably. "And apparently I brought the flu home with me." Alanna eyed her skeptically. It was the truth... just not the whole truth. Bea wasn't about to tell her that she'd contracted the flu because she hadn't slept for two days. And she most certainly was not going to tell her that the reason she hadn't slept for two days had been because she'd gone club hopping. It was stupid and pointless, Bea thought, and nothing came of it anyway. Her heart really hadn't been in it. And now, after what had happened with Ethan, she was glad nothing had come of it. "I don't understand," Alanna said, puzzled. "I um... well, I kind of got on Ethan's case about you and then he disappeared for a few days, too. Did he go with you?" Bea laughed. "No, I was back by that point," she told her friend. A faint smile curved her lips. "I was sick as a dog, Lonnie, and you would not believe... Ethan took care of me the whole time." Alanna's eyes widened. "What?!" At that moment the bathroom door opened. Drake leaned out and gave them both a look of mingled amusement and annoyance. Yikes, Bea thought, her eyebrows raising. Is he wearing anything in there? Beside her Alanna shifted, fidgeting like a child staring in through the window of a candy store. Drake rolled his eyes, running his fingers back through his hair, which spilled free around his shoulders. He disappeared into the bathroom again. "But I want details..." Alanna whimpered, staring after him. "I'll call you later," Bea assured her, leaning over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I promise. So go get him!" She gave her friend a nudge. Alanna didn't need much encouragement; she sprang up off the couch and pursued Drake into the bathroom. Bea left the apartment, laughing to herself. It wasn't so long ago I thought that day would never come, she thought, shaking her head. Looking at her now, you'd never guess what she'd been through. Of course, Drake was really good motivation for getting on with the healing process, that was for sure. I got really lucky, Bea thought, smiling, when I found the Wolfes. ------- In retrospect, Ethan supposed he really should have expected it. Bea was a fiery little huntress and she made no bones about the fact that he was her prey. Still, maybe he'd been hoping he'd get off easy today. No... 'get off' is really not a phrase I should be using, he thought, wincing. Especially not with 'easy' tacked onto it. On the upside, this would probably be the first time in a long time Ethan really enjoyed miniature golf. How do you get to be seductive and adorable at the same time? he wondered, studying her. The dress she was wearing was just cruel. It was dark emerald green, the top halter-style, the back nonexistent all the way to the small of her back. The skirt was asymmetrical, falling down below her knee on one side, reaching only about mid-thigh on the other. Fortunately-or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it-the air was just cool enough that she wore a light jean jacket over it when they were outside. Bea's black, ankle-high boots were heeled, but she moved in them easily. "Are you any good at this?" Bea asked, falling into step beside him. "Usually," Ethan replied, staring determinedly ahead. "Probably not tonight." Her soft laughter sent a thrill through him. God, I hope I make it through tonight without embarrassing myself, he thought. Well, he'd managed that night they'd gone bowling, but things had admittedly changed since then. At least this wasn't the type of date where they were alone. Even Alastair and Sada had come, although Alastair didn't seem entirely happy about it. She had less than three months left now. "So, what's the wager tonight?" Alastair asked, settling his golf club against his shoulder. "Nuh uh," Sada said, shaking her head. "Not that again. Knowing you, you'll bet that I have to stay in bed for the next two months if I lose." Alastair didn't respond. He put his free arm around her as they walked down onto the golf course. It was a beautiful golf course, too. Set to look like a tropical island, with a large lagoon in the middle, dozens of waterfalls, some big, some small, coursing over rocks and ledges, and tropical-looking vegetation; it was much nicer than some of the cheesy little courses he'd seen. All eight of them made their way to the first hole, which began on one level and dropped down to another. "Ooo, I love these little shoot ones," Sada said, leaning on her club as Alastair set her ball down for her. "I never would have guessed you for a lackey, Alastair," Quinn said, in his usual dry monotone that Bea swore meant he was just teasing. Alastair straightened and turned to glare at his brother. "Me? What about you? You hate mini-golf, Quinn, which means there's only one reason why you're here." "More than one," Quinn responded, a smug grin touching the corners of his mouth. "Usually at least three." Xandri blushed and punched him in the arm. Bea snorted, rolling her eyes and mouth 'yeah right'. Feeling a spark of mischief light up inside him, Ethan leaned over, bringing his lips close to Bea's ear. He felt her shiver and that thrill raced through him again. It was like that day in his apartment, before Chase had walked in on them. Something had just come over him. "You underestimate the staying power of the Wolfes," Ethan murmured. Was it his imagination or was she blushing? Well, he was, just a little. He felt her hip bump against him as they stood, waiting while the others took their turns. Quinn was, as usual, good. That steady patience that had worked for him at bowling paid off here, too. Xandri was a total klutz, somehow managing to miss hitting the ball with her club a few times before getting it right. If nothing else, Ethan thought, this is greatly amusing. He grinned, watching Alanna scoot her ball around with her club in frustration. When it came to them at last, he let Bea go first. Alastair and Sada were already moving to the next hole. Ethan watched them for a moment, before his gaze was drawn to Bea. She was very careful in her movements, leaning over to set her ball down on the green. I'm so losing this game, he thought, swallowing hard. God, she's beautiful. Bea straightened and turned to look at him. She smiled, flicking her hair back over her shoulder, then turned her attention back to the ball. Actually, as the evening wore on, he proved to be one of the better players. Xandri had to keep retrieving her ball from pools of water-Quinn refused to do it for her-and Alanna hit her ball right off the course several times. Alastair wasn't much better; he didn't have the patience for it. And Drake had never played in his life, apparently. "Don't feel bad," Alanna told him, patting his arm as he retrieved his ball. "At least you kept it on the course!" "You guys are pathetic," Quinn said, shaking his head. He looked down at Xandri. "Sada is pregnant and she's doing better than you." Xandri bit her lip. "I'm trying..." she said, her voice holding a touch of hurt. Ethan frowned. He would have said something, but Bea laid a hand on his arm and shook her head. Why is he such an ass all the time? he wondered, watching Quinn. At the next hole he came up behind Xandri, wrapping his arms around her and settling his hands over hers on the club. Ethan didn't see anything more than that; Bea tugged him around suddenly to face in the other direction. "Believe me, you don't want to watch," Bea explained. "Quinn seems like a complete jerk, but those two are downright sickening." He heard giggling behind him and sighed. Bea nudged him playfully, pushing him towards the lagoon, which had opened up near this hole. Fighting a grin, he nudged her back. I feel like I'm six, Ethan thought, sticking his tongue out in response to her noisy raspberry. It's nice, though. Bea braced her shoulder against him and pushed, much harder than he would have thought she could. Startled, Ethan stumbled back... and ended up, much to his dismay, in the lagoon. Bea shrieked and darted back, avoiding the wave of water his fall sent up. He struggled up to his feet, hip deep in the water, his hair dripping wet, and glared all around. They were all laughing, even Bea, although she was trying to hide it. She stepped to the edge of the water and held out her hand to him. Think this is amusing, do you? Ethan thought, feeling that mischief spark up again as he took her hand. Let's see how funny you think this is! And he tugged her into the water with him. "You!" Bea sputtered, shoving her hair out of her eyes. "You... you jerk!" She sent a wave of water at him. Ethan turned his head, laughing, waiting for her flurry of splashing to die down. When it did, he sent a wave back at her, a big one that drenched her again. Out on dry land there was a lot of laughter. Alanna was the only one brave enough to creep forward. It was a mistake, though; Bea, hearing her laughter, whirled and sent a big splash in her direction. Suddenly their game of golf was completely forgotten. ------- "I can't believe we got kicked out!" Bea glanced sidelong at Ethan. He'd offered to walk her to her car, leaving them some time away from everyone else. Like her, he was thoroughly drenched. In fact, even Sada hadn't come out of it completely dry, and she'd been forced to stay out of the water fight. Bea watched from the corner of her eye as Ethan pulled off his t-shirt and tried to wring it out. He seemed completely unbothered by the chill in the air and, if it had occurred to him that she was standing right next to him, it didn't show. "We did kind of start a pool fight in their lagoon," Bea pointed out, as she peeled out of her jean jacket, which had become unbearably uncomfortable. "Besides, I don't think it's a lifetime ban or anything." "I don't think I've ever done anything like that before," Ethan said. He wrinkled his nose at his shirt, then slung it over his shoulder with a shrug. "I have, however, gained a greater appreciation for bathing suits." Bea plucked at the soaked material of her dress and nodded. "Clothing is definitely not made for this sort of thing," she agreed. "And... brrr! Aren't you cold?" "It doesn't bother me much," Ethan said. He turned his head to look at her and she could have sworn there was mischief in his dark eyes. "Of course, even without my shirt, I'm still wearing more material than you are." Ass, Bea thought, sticking her tongue out at him. She really was getting cold. At this rate I'm going to relapse, she thought, rubbing her arms. I really need to start thinking about other factors when I decide what to wear to these things. Still, a relapse might not be so bad. I wouldn't mind having him take care of me again, Bea thought, glancing up at Ethan. They were only a few feet from her car now. She really didn't want to part from him just yet, though. Pausing beside the door of her car, she turned to look out over the parking lot. She had parked far out on purpose, hoping to be in this situation, and yet suddenly she was drawing a blank. This is so unlike me, Bea thought, and to make matters worse, my teeth are chattering! It was so far from the sexy, sophisticated woman she tried to be that it almost made her laugh. She was reaching into the pocket of her coat for her keys, thinking she'd probably wasted her chance, when Ethan suddenly pulled her close. "You're shaking so hard I can see it," he said quietly, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "Why didn't you dress warmer? It's only the beginning of May." "I guess... I wanted to impress you," Bea admitted, looking away. "God, that sounds so stupid when I say it out loud." Ethan chuckled. "I never thought I'd see the day when you were unsure of yourself," he teased. "I am not!" Bea protested, lifting her head. He was smiling at her. It was a teasing smile, the type she wouldn't usually expect from him. He feels like he's in control, Bea realized, and so he's coming out of his shell a little... Now that was an interesting bit of information right there. It wasn't all that surprising, really, considering the alpha streak the male Wolfes tended to have. All right, she thought, leaning heavily against him. Let's see where this goes... Bea pressed her face against his chest and snuggled against him; it was warming her up, after all. Ethan slid a hand beneath her chin, lifting her head. His fingers cupped the side of her face and his thumb ran lightly over her lower lip. Unable to resist, Bea nipped playfully at his thumb. To her surprise it made him laugh softly. Just kiss me already! she thought, frustrated. Those dark eyes were intent upon her face, so intense that it made her quiver. Finally she reached up, winding her fingers in his hair, and pulled his mouth down to hers. Bea was nothing if not impatient. She felt him hesitate, felt his body tense, and backed off a bit. Letting her lips brush lightly against his, she waited. His response at first was endearingly shy and chaste. Bea opened her mouth just a little and shivered as his tongue slid between her lips. Ethan wrapped an arm around her waist, drawing her tightly against him while he kissed her. She let her hands drop down to his shoulders, feeling muscle moving beneath his skin as he shifted enough to pin her against the side of the car. Bea was no longer cold. In fact, she was suddenly rather warm, and getting warmer, as Ethan's hands traveled down along her hips. His hands were slightly rough; she felt his skin against her thigh where the skirt was shorter. She tightened her grip on him, not wanting him to get away now. And he didn't try, either. Bea moaned softly as he pushed her skirt up and ran his hand along the inside of her thigh. His fingertips brushed her panties and she gasped, startled. Ethan pulled back. He stood, frozen, his eyes wide, staring down at her. Bea barely dared to breathe. She realized that for him it must have been like being a teenager again, curious and wanting but scared and so uncertain. Wanting to reassure him in some way, she wound her fingers into the ends of his hair, rubbing it between her fingertips. Ethan made a sound in his throat like a cat purring and leaned against her suddenly, burying his face against her neck. His fingers slipped beneath her panties and Bea bit her lip to keep from crying out at that first shy touch. This is not the place for this, she thought, but she couldn't bring herself to push him away. Ethan's mouth had found her earlobe, sucking on it gently, sending all coherent thoughts from her head. Bea squirmed, pressing against his hand; her ears were, for her, a major erogenous zone and it didn't take much to get her writhing. She gasped loudly as he slid a finger inside her and tightened her grip on his hair. It was not usually to her liking to do this sort of thing out in the open like this, but the last thing Bea wanted now was to stop. "Hey, what are you two still... whoa!" Bea shrieked. She pushed Ethan roughly away and jerked her skirt back down into place. Contrary to popular belief, she was not in the least bit into doing anything sexual in front of other people. Maybe it came from some rather bad experiences, being walked in on, but it bothered the hell out of her. Ethan was quieter about his embarrassment; he kept his mouth shut and just pulled his shirt back on. Hanging out of the car window with a shocked expression on his face and Alanna peeking over his shoulder was Drake. "I uh... I thought maybe Bea was having car troubles, um..." Drake stammered. He was just as embarrassed as they were. Alanna was not. "You have the worst timing sweetie," she told Drake. Her eyes sparkled with laughter as she gazed at Bea and Ethan. "Sorry you two. We'll let you get back to what you were doing." "Drive fast, Drake," Bea called, as they started to drive away. "Otherwise I'm going to spank your girlfriend's ass until it's redder than my hair!" Alanna's voice drifted back to them, full of laughter. "Promises, promises!" Ugh, that was horrifying, Bea thought, dropping her face into her hands. Every time we take a step forward in this relationship, we take another two back. She'd finally gotten Ethan to let go; now what? Sighing, she turned to face him, hoping he wasn't too angry. It was a night of surprises, it seemed, because he was grinning. Sure, it was an embarrassed grin, but it was still a grin. "There have got to be less humiliating ways to get back into the swing of things," Ethan said, shaking his head. "Or maybe someone's trying to give us a sign?" "Yeah," Bea said, rolling her eyes and reaching for her keys. "Stay inside and lock the goddamn door." Ethan laughed. "I was thinking 'Take it slower' but that works too," he said. He rested a hand on her shoulder and leaned down to gently kiss her cheek. "You're taking this surprisingly well," Bea said, turning to look at him suspiciously. "I had fun," Ethan said quietly. "Tonight, I mean, even if we did get kicked out." His hands came up to cradle her face. "Lately I've been thinking... I can't let things like this spoil every good time I have." Ah, progress, Bea thought, sighing in pleasure. She stood on her toes to kiss him gently, then leaned into him. All she really wanted at the moment was a hug, which didn't seem to be a problem. Ethan held her tight, as if he never wanted to let go. This can be enough for now, Bea thought, clinging to him with that same desperation. Knowing he's happy is enough for now. ------- Chapter 11: For Good Behavior "Look! Look! No hands!" I don't know which one of them is more amusing, Bea thought, smiling to herself as she watched Ethan trot across the yard after Aria and Spots. The little girl had released the reins and was waving her hands around, laughing. Ethan was, of course, frantic. He should realize what a good thing it is, Bea thought, shaking her head. Aria is strong enough to hold on with her legs. Granted Spots wasn't going any faster than a lazy walk, but it was probably more than the girl could have hoped for, years or even months ago. Ethan told her that the doctors were hopeful. He caught up with Aria and scooped her, shrieking and flailing, out of the saddle. Laughing, Bea ducked between the fence rails to join them. She thought it was a little unfair of Ethan to resort to tickling when Aria couldn't escape, but he was just paying her back for nearly giving him a heart attack. He's going to make a wonderful father someday, Bea thought, smiling up at him as he settled Aria on his hip. She could feel her heart start to beat faster and wondered just how deep she was getting herself in here. "No fair, Ethan!" Aria said, pouting. "Come on, put me down." "It's getting late," Ethan said, reaching back with a free hand and grabbing Spots' reins. "Time to go inside." "You just wanna go be alone with Bea," Aria muttered, folding her arms across her chest and looking sullen. "I can tell. You keep looking at her." Ethan went silent all of a sudden. Curious, Bea glanced at him. Is he blushing? she wondered, fighting back a smile. He remained silent the whole time he was untacking Spots and she just watched him, listening with half an ear as Aria chattered on about her day. I really can't help it, Bea thought, her fingers itching to push back the hair that had come loose from Ethan's ponytail. I just want to touch him... Aria was far too alert, however. Already she was looking back and forth between them, mischief in her eyes. "So Ethan said you were sick and that's why he didn't come to see me those days," Aria said. That sure caught Ethan's attention. "Does that mean you stayed at his place? Or did he stay at yours?" "Aria, there's such a thing as going too far," Ethan warned, as he picked her up off the tack box. "I don't appreciate you being so rude." Aria blinked at him, obviously startled. No doubt Ethan rarely scolded her, if ever. Looking contrite, she went quiet as he carried her back up towards the main building. This is a little awkward, Bea thought, glancing sidelong at the two of them. I hope this doesn't cause a problem between the two of them. It didn't seem to, though, because before they reached the house, Aria was chattering away again, this time about something else. Ethan let out an exasperated sigh, but the little girl didn't hear it. Glancing over, Bea saw the smile on his face. As frustrating as Aria could be at times, he still adored her. He's great with kids, she thought, as she followed them down the hall, now all he needs is practice with women. Or woman, because she wasn't going to let anyone else get near him now. Bea watched him as he settled Aria on the bed, finding a certain fascination in the grace of his movements. She hoped the little girl was right; that Ethan wanted to be alone for awhile. "So, are you going to ask me to have dinner with you?" Bea asked, a half-hour later, as they stepped into the still warm evening air. She leaned against Ethan's side and was pleased by the shy way he put his arm around her shoulders. "Well, I was thinking of eating in," Ethan told her. "Do you mind?" Bea snorted. "Mind?" She looked up at him, her eyebrows raising. "If I'm reading this right, you're asking me to go with you to your apartment for dinner. All alone in your apartment, me and you, some food, all cozy... am I right?" Ethan didn't answer, but he didn't deny it, either. His cheeks turned a little red, but she could see the hint of a smile touching the corners of his mouth. As their second honest-to-goodness date, just the two of them, with no other people and no interruptions, the two of them had gone out to breakfast this morning. Afterward Bea had decided to go with him to see Aria. I really didn't want to part just yet, anyway, she thought, as she climbed into his car. And to get to go back to his place and have dinner... After a bit of playful debating, they decided to order pizza. It wasn't what Bea would call romantic, but Ethan swore there was a place not far from his apartment that made the best Sicilian pizza in the world. As soon as they were in the apartment he got the phone to call. Bea paused near the door, pulling off the light cotton jacket she was wearing. Winter was almost completely gone, with only a trace of it left in the air. She'd worn a short, clingy dark blue dress and had enjoyed Ethan staring at her all through breakfast. She caught him watching her now, his eyes intent upon her as he spoke into the phone. Smiling, Bea made her way slowly over; by the time she reached him he could barely speak. When he hung up he gave her a look that was irritated, amused, and full of desire all at the same time. She leaned against the counter and looked up at him, stifling a laugh when he cleared his throat and pulled back suddenly. "They said about half an hour," he told her, rubbing the back of his neck in a gesture of discomfort. "Um..." "Don't worry, Ethan," Bea said, reaching over and laying a hand on his arm. "I'm not going to eat you or anything..." His eyes widened. "Uh... I don't think... that might not be... um..." Laughing, Bea stepped around the counter and came up against him, reaching up to catch his face in her hands. She drew his mouth down to hers for a quick, gentle kiss, and sighed when he rested his hands lightly on her hips. He's adorable, she thought, teasing the line of his jaw with the tip of her finger. I would never have thought I'd find myself this enamored of a man who's so shy. Well, maybe shy wasn't the right word, but Ethan wasn't the kind of bold she usually went for, either. "You know," Bea said quietly, "I'd kind of like to stay here tonight..." Ethan's eyes widened again. "Is... is that a good idea?" "I don't mean like that," Bea said, rolling her eyes. She leaned her head against his chest and sighed. "I... I just want to stay here with you. I don't want to go home..." She hated sounding so vulnerable but she really didn't want to leave. Even if she slept on the couch, she just wanted to be near him. After Drake and Alanna had gotten together, Bea had, of course, stopped sleeping over at Alanna's place. It had gotten so lonely and those few days she'd spent with Ethan had been so nice. To her surprise his hands came up and tangled in her hair, forcing her head up. She stared into his dark eyes, her heart beating a little faster at what she saw there. "I'm just not sure it's a good idea," Ethan said, his voice soft and slightly husky. Bea smiled. "I don't expect you to be a perfect gentleman, Ethan," she responded, a teasing lilt in her voice. "In fact, I hope you aren't." She stood on her toes and pressed her mouth to his briefly. He didn't say anything as she pulled away... not even 'no'. Looking over her shoulder, Bea caught the look on his face. Despite his obvious embarrassment, there was a smile touching the corners of his mouth. He's going to let me stay, she thought, happiness flooding her. She turned and, without really thinking about it, threw her arms around him. And much to her pleasure, Ethan held her. ------- It was almost three o' clock in the morning and he couldn't sleep. Ethan pushed his reading glasses back up onto his nose and glared at the computer screen. Working on the group home's accounts certainly cooled his fire some, but it was far from interesting. It was just impossible to sleep with Bea curled up in his bed next to him. Somehow Ethan had convinced himself that letting her stay would be fine; he could sleep on the couch and she could use the bed. Except that she'd had other plans, so they'd ended up in the same bed. First he'd tried a shower to cool himself off. As soon as he'd stepped out of the bathroom and seen her curled up in his bed, however, he'd gotten all fired up again. Ethan had only taken enough time to pull on his robe. Now he lounged in the comfortable leather computer chair, trying desperately to focus. His mind kept wandering into the bedroom and then his body would want to follow. I didn't have any problem sleeping when she was sick, Ethan thought, sighing. But then, she was sick. What I wanted most was for her to get better. Now... "Ethan?" Her voice did a number on him, that was for sure. Already semi-aroused from thinking about her, his body hardened at the sound of her voice. Sucking in a deep breath, Ethan spun the chair enough to face her. She'd gone to sleep in that tight, short little dress she'd been wearing, which was now pushed up around her thighs a little bit. How any woman could look so sweet in a dress like that, with her hair looking as though it was tousled from sex, he wasn't sure. Any other woman would probably look trashy, but no matter what she wore, there was something about Bea. "What's wrong?" Bea asked, her voice a soft, sleepy purr. She pushed her hair back from her face, a gesture so unbelievably sexy that he was growing painfully hard from watching her. "Can't sleep?" Ethan shook his head and shrugged. "I guess not..." "I didn't know you wore glasses," Bea said, taking a step closer to him. He lifted his head as she came near and even smiled when she took his glasses off. "You know, you're just full of surprises." "If you say so," Ethan muttered. "So, what are you doing?" Before he could answer her she'd settled herself in his lap and turned her attention to the computer screen. Ethan's eyes widened, but it was too late to stop her. Bea stilled in his lap, then half-turned to look at him with raised eyebrows. He couldn't think clearly with her wriggling around like that. Her smile was gentle but determined as she shifted, sliding fluidly from his lap to crouch in front of him. Ethan reached for her-to do what, he wasn't certain-but she grabbed his wrists, forcing his hands down to the arms of the chair. "Bea..." Ethan murmured, his voice shaking. "You've been such a perfect gentleman," Bea said quietly, her voice full of that teasing purr that drove him crazy. "But obviously a part of you certainly doesn't want to be..." He tried to raise his hands, but she forced them back down again. Nearly paralyzed by those soft jade eyes, he sat stock still as Bea reached for the cinch of his robe. Ethan's breath caught as she pulled it loose and pushed his robe open. He watched her eyebrows raise and a very Chesire cat type of grin curl her lips. Soft red hair tickled his thigh as she leaned forward. "I guess it's true what they say about men with big feet," Bea teased, her green eyes lit with wicked mischief. Ethan tried to lift his hands again but she caught his wrists, pinning them against the arms of the chair. Normally he would have had no problem breaking her hold but at the moment he was finding it difficult to even breathe. He couldn't find his voice, could only stare at the faint light glimmering in her red hair as she bent her head. Ethan gasped, clutching the arms of the chairs, as her mouth closed around him. His breathing went ragged with the slow motion of her tongue dragging over his skin "Bea..." Ethan panted, trying weakly to get his wrists out from under her hands. She wouldn't let him; and in all honesty, a part of him really did not want to get away. He watched from beneath heavy lids the slow rise and fall of her head. Her mouth was heat and moisture around him, sending fire up along his nerves. Ethan groaned softly as Bea pace changed, increased, and her lips tightened around him. His nails scratched at the plastic of the chair arms that he gripped so tightly. He let his head fall back against the chair, trying hard to stifle the noises that grew in his throat. She released his hands, but he had no thought of pushing her away. In fact, Ethan wrapped his fingers in her hair, holding her in place. Bea's hands slid to his thighs. Her touch made him quiver and he found himself fighting for control. That sweet mouth was simply more than his body, deprived for far too long, could take. His hands tightened in her hair convulsively as the heat of her mouth coaxed him into climax. For long moments the world was only warmth and wet and pleasure running up and down the length of his body. Ethan let his eyes fall closed, savoring it. His body went lax and his fingers loosened in her hair. He felt Bea slide up against him and crawl up into his lap. Struggling to catch his breath, Ethan lifted his head and opened his eyes to look at her. She was licking her lips in a way that reminded him of a cat, its expression serene now that its belly was full of cream. Bad analogy, he thought, groaning as she leaned against him. Oh, hell. He closed his arms around her and dragged her hard against his chest, holding her tightly. When he felt her mouth against his neck he went still. Desire and reason fought for control of him as her teeth nibbled at his chin, but reason won out. Ethan braced his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back. He hated the hurt that flooded into her eyes but there was nothing else for it. Taking her face gently between his hands, Ethan leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Old hang-ups die hard, hmm?" Bea asked, her voice slightly bitter. Ethan sighed. "Something like that," he replied. "Bea, you are the most amazing woman I've ever met. It's just..." He shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "Old hang-ups die hard." Maybe he was just being a coward. The most beautiful woman he'd ever had the pleasure of knowing wanted him and he was unable to pull himself away from the past. Maybe... maybe it's time to... to start again, Ethan thought, turning an uneasy gaze towards the bathroom and, although he couldn't see it, the medicine cabinet. I thought I was better but maybe... He started as Bea snuggled up against him again, tucking her head beneath his chin. Maybe I won't worry about it at just this second, he decided, resting his head against hers. ------- If Bea had suspected before that Bailey had helped her brother decorate, she was positive of it now. Standing in the doorway of her apartment, she could only stare, open-mouthed. Bailey had a real knack for doing an awful lot with very little; the couches were plain, charcoal gray, not expensive, but the blankets draped over them-dark blue with a hint of purple swirling in its depths-made them look elegant. Pillows and a throw rug spread beneath the coffee table were done up in earthy green, pale purple, and light and dark blue. Bea followed her hostess into the mini-kitchen and took a seat at lovely little square table of pale, nearly white wood, on one of the matching chairs with its pale blue cushion. She lifted her eyebrows at Bailey, who was putting on a pot of coffee. Shorter than Sydney, with a fuller figure and a heart-shaped face, it was nonetheless easy to see their relation. And when she smiled, it was Ethan's sheepish smile. "I take it you're in school for... interior design?" Bea guessed, gesturing expansively with one hand. Bailey laughed. "What ever gave it away?" She turned to the cupboards and took down two large, chipped black coffee mugs that seemed terribly out of place in the beautifully furnished apartment. "Actually, what I do is more than just about style. It's therapeutic." "Therapeutic?" Bea's eyebrows rose. Bailey had soft, sweet laughter that was unbelievably contagious. If she didn't have a gorgeous brother, Bea thought, I could definitely go for a female Wolfe again. Well, technically she had four gorgeous brothers, but one of them was obnoxious, one of them she hardly knew, and the third one had been jailbait less than two months ago. Bailey bustled around the kitchen, talking as she set a sugar bowl down on the counter and retrieved a carafe of cream from the refrigerator. "Colors have psychological effects that most people don't even realize," Bailey explained. She carried the sugar bowl and carafe to the table and set them down. "But you're a photographer, so you know that already." Bea nodded. "I'm just surprised. So, Ethan's a physical therapist, you're a um..." "Interior therapist?" Bailey suggested, grinning. "I know Sydney is dead set on being a dancer now," Bea continued. "But..." "Well, Elijah likes to sing and play guitar," Bailey told her, as she padded back into the kitchen. "I could totally picture him as a music teacher someday. And Gavin writes poetry." She took the coffee pot off and filled both mugs, then brought them to the table. "He's such a drama queen, that one." Bea grinned. "So he doesn't just look like Quinn, then." There was that laugh again. Bea spooned some sugar into her coffee and added enough cream that it nearly overflowed. Someone once accused me of liking cream too much, she thought, hiding a wicked grin. Perhaps they were right. Ethan had ended up sleeping the rest of the night on the couch, but before they'd gone back to bed he'd given her one of those gentle kisses. There was such restrained desire in that kiss that Bea had been able to rein in her disappointment. Still, she'd wanted to talk to Bailey. "Sometimes I think Chase would be a porn star if he could," Bailey said, wrinkling her nose. "His claim is he's too gorgeous for it." She rolled her eyes, but her smile was that same adoringly frustrated one Ethan usually wore with Aria. "So, what brings you here, anyway? I somehow doubt it's to talk about my brothers... except for one in particular." "Guilty," Bea admitted, smiling sheepishly. She tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear, getting it out of her way before taking a sip of her coffee. "I guess... I was hoping maybe you could give me some insight." Bailey sighed. "Which means he hasn't, then. Well, Bea, I'm not sure what to tell you... Ethan isn't exactly Mr. Experience." "He's not a... ?" Bea began, her eyebrows lifting. Bailey's eyes widened. "Noooo..." She broke off, giggling, and shook her head. "Even if I hadn't been the younger sibling fortunate enough to walk in on him several times," here she paused, wrinkling her nose, "he was with the same person for six years, Bea. And no one since then. He's been too... gun-shy, I guess." Bailey drew her legs up to her chest and sighed. "I'd prefer not to think about what sort of experience my older brother has in bed but... I do know his experience relationship-wise is incredibly limited." The same person for six years? Bea thought, biting her lip. And no one else since? Measured up against her experience, he practically was a virgin. That made her feel a little uncomfortable to think about; how could she possibly measure up to someone he'd been with for six years? Someone who he knew as well as he knew himself, and vice versa. Of course he had someone, Bea thought, scowling at herself. What girl in her right mind would just let him walk on by? "So what happened then?" Bea asked, puzzled. "Why'd they break up?" Bailey shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know all the details," she said, "far from it. And most of them aren't mine to tell, anyway, but... I think she cheated on him..." ------- Chapter 12: Being Practical The monitor buzzed. Ethan lounged on the couch, watching Bea as she sat at his computer. He wasn't sure what she was using it for-he couldn't see from where he sat-he only knew that she'd asked his permission to use it and of course he couldn't say no. Every now and then she would shift around and sigh, and push her hair back from her face, or write something down in the notebook she'd brought with her. She looks very serious, Ethan thought, pushing himself up on the couch. I wonder what she's doing. She hadn't told him and he hadn't asked, but he couldn't help his curiosity. Finally he pushed himself up off the couch and wandered over to the computer desk. The desire to touch her struck him suddenly and Ethan wound his fingers in her hair, catching her attention. Damn, he thought, leaning over and dropping his mouth to her cheek. I just want to... hmm? The computer screen had caught his attention and, as tempting as Bea was, what was on it was a more immediate concern. It was a realty site. He felt Bea tense under his hands and couldn't help wondering what about a realty site would make her so nervous, unless... It wasn't like Ethan to be so rude, but he leaned forward to get a better look. California, he thought, turning his head to look at Bea. Why California? The expression on her face was a sheepish one, like a child caught with their hands in the cookie jar. Ethan leaned back, snatching his hand away when she tried to grab it. "California?" Ethan asked, frowning. Bea shrugged. "I was offered a job at a fashion magazine there," she explained, her voice quiet. She took a look at his face and added hastily, "That doesn't mean I'm going. I'm just looking into it." "You're looking into realty?" Ethan's eyebrows rose skeptically. "Sounds like moving to me." He wasn't sure why it stung so much. Or... maybe he was. It had frightened him, his attraction to Bea, and not just the physical part of it. Ethan wasn't exactly sure when his interest in her had changed-he thought perhaps when she'd been sick, when he'd taken care of her while she was weak and vulnerable-but he wasn't so stupid as to not realize how he felt. He knew it was more than just physical, but he wasn't sure if it was for her. If she can just move, Ethan thought, than obviously it isn't. Bea sighed. "Look, Ethan, I'm just being practical," she said. "This job is... well, it's pretty big and if... if..." Was this supposed to be some sort of ultimatum? A few minutes ago he'd felt like a very happy cat and now... Bea shrugged and turned away from him. There was something in the way her shoulders slumped that told him she didn't feel as nonchalant as she sounded. This is stupid, Ethan thought, turning away from the computer. I'm acting like some stupid little lovesick puppy. He wasn't lovesick. It was more like... likesick. Grumbling under his breath, he headed for the door. On an afterthought he grabbed his cell phone before stepping outside. She didn't call after him. It was warm now that the month was winding down towards June. Ethan paced down the length of the open walkway in front of the apartments, staring at his cell phone. Who could he possibly talk to about this? He wasn't entirely sure he understood for himself what was going on. There was certainly no one to whom he could explain the unbelievable desire her felt every time he looked at Bea. If there's one person who can put this into perspective for me, though, Ethan thought, it would be Bailey. Maybe she could make something of Bea's 'being practical' speech. His sister's phone rang enough times that he thought she wasn't going to pick up. When she did he let out a sigh of relief. "What's wrong?" Bailey asked as soon as he spoke. "I can hear it in your voice... something's bothering you." Even though Chase was closer to him in age-and Gavin, in fact-Bailey had always been the closest of his siblings. Ethan leaned against the wall at the opposite end of the building from his apartment and explained to her what had happened. She was always sympathetic with him, but honest too, and one of the most insightful people he knew if not the most. By the time he was done pouring out his thoughts, Ethan was feeling worlds better. "You know," Bailey said quietly, "maybe you should talk to her about it." Ethan sighed. "About what? She already told me how she felt. Being practical... how cold is that?" "I still think you should ask her," Bailey insisted. "That doesn't sound cold to me... it sounds scared." Scared? Bea? Ethan bit back a derisive laugh. She isn't scared of anything, he thought, except for maybe hospitals. That last thing she was afraid of was him. How could a woman so experienced and so confident ever feel fear over something like this? That isn't being fair, he scolded himself, leaning heavily against the wall. There's no good reason she can't be as nervous as I am. But then how could she possibly even consider moving? ------- She couldn't decide if she'd been genuinely looking into realty in California or trying to get a reaction. Probably both. There hadn't been a reaction of any sort for more than a week, since that night. Bea had always considered herself to be perceptive, but she couldn't always tell if Ethan was holding himself back or if he just didn't want her. Damnit, she thought, dropping her head into her hands. I'm scared. She'd thought that maybe looking into California a little, reminding herself that there would always be something for her, would make her feel a little better. Bea sat on the couch, her research forgotten, waiting for Ethan to come back. She didn't know where he'd gone. Maybe I should have stopped him, she thought, glancing up at the door. She couldn't remember the last time her insecurities had eaten her alive like this. Ever since Bailey had told her that Ethan had been with the same person for six years she'd felt her confidence faltering. Worse, Bea thought, if this person betrayed him... maybe she started sleeping around, which would explain why he didn't like me when he first met me. The door opened. She looked up to see Ethan, cell phone in hand, walk back in. His face was expressionless; she watched him as he set his cell phone down on the charger and then headed over to the couch where she sat. Feeling suddenly afraid, Bea drew her knees up to her chest and looked away. "What did you mean by that?" Ethan asked, his voice quiet. "Being practical?" Bea shrugged. "I just... have to think about... everything," she said, shifting uncomfortably. "I um... I don't have all that much left here anymore and if... if... then I want to make sure there's something..." "Nothing left? What about the people you care about?" Ethan demanded. "What about the people who care about you?" Bea lifted her head and looked at him. She couldn't imagine what was in her eyes but whatever it was, it made his expression soften. He settled down on the couch and reached a hand out to her. Without really thinking about what she was doing, she crawled into his lap, seating herself with her thighs straddling his hips, and took his face between her hands. Bea leaned down and brushed her mouth lightly against his. She wondered if he wanted her even half so much as she wanted him. And if he realized that what she wanted was more than just physical. "What if you don't end up as one of those people?" Bea asked softly. "I... how do you think I'd feel, if you decided that it just wasn't going to work between the two of us?" Ethan sighed. "If what doesn't work?" he wanted to know. "The sex or... ?" "This isn't about sex!" Bea exclaimed, pushing at him and trying to get away. "God, that isn't the only thing I'm interested in! Why do you say things like that?" It hurt more than she would have imagined, that he thought that way. Bea tried to get out of his lap, but Ethan was bigger and stronger than she was and he'd decided that she wasn't going anywhere. His arms closed around her, keeping her trapped against his chest. Normally it wasn't a position she'd mind in the least, but at the moment she was annoyed. Why do people think I don't have any tender feelings? Bea wondered, shoving futilely at Ethan's shoulders. It's not fair! "Damnit, Bea, calm down!" Ethan growled, loosening his hold on her in order to grab her wrists. "Stop... just listen to me!" His fingers tightened around her wrists until she stopped fighting. "This isn't easy for me either! I don't know what to expect from you! I've never met anyone like you before and I want... I want..." Here he faltered, a look of distress flooding his dark eyes. There's only one way to find out, Bea decided. She relaxed against him and when he let go of her wrists, reached up and wound her fingers in his hair. That caught his attention. Just before she pulled his mouth down to hers she saw his eyes widen. One way or another she intended on finding out just what it was he wanted from her. The last time she'd been forceful with him he'd pushed her away. This time when Bea slid her tongue between his lips he opened his mouth to her. His arms tightened around her again. When he took control of the kiss she was so startled that for a moment her mouth faltered. Ethan had never kissed her like this before. She moaned softly, low in her throat, as his tongue slid along hers. Bea hands dropped down his shoulders again, her fingers gripping at him as he rose from the couch, lifting her with him as easily as if she were a child. He lifted his mouth from hers as he carried her into the bedroom, giving her a moment to breathe. Bea's head was spinning. What is he going to do? she wondered, as he deposited her on the bed. Those dark eyes were so intense that they made her shiver. Ethan stretched out on the bed next to her, sliding a hand over her stomach as his mouth found hers again. Bea shivered as he slowly pulled the shirt she way wearing up. He pushed it up over her breasts, then ran his fingertips lightly along her skin, making goosebumps rise. When his mouth began tracing a trail of fiery kisses down her neck she wondered of she should stop him. She almost did, when he pushed her bra up to bare her breasts. Then his mouth was on her, tracing the curve of her breast with heat and moisture, and she forgot all about pushing him away. Bea gasped as his mouth closed around her nipple, his lips tugging gently. She wound her fingers in Ethan's hair, holding him against her, and shivering as his hands traveled down the length of her body, over her stomach, to the waist of her shorts. Ethan pulled her shorts down slowly, catching the waistband of her panties and pulling those along too. Bea lifted her hips for him. He pulled back, sliding her clothes off and tossing them to the side. To her amazement she felt herself blushing beneath his gaze. She began to tremble as his fingertips trailed along her stomach, over the curve of her hip and down to her thigh. Never before had she seen Ethan quite this intense. His hands were gentle but strong as he opened her thighs. Bea gasped as he hooked his arms around her thighs, easily lifting her hips off the bed. She watched, fascinated with the contrast of his dark hair against her pale skin as he lowered his head between her legs. He started with the lightest brush of his lips, making her squirm in his hold. Bea moaned softly as she felt his tongue slide up against her, the tip tracing a path from entrance to clit. She tightened her grip on his hair, clinging to him desperately as his lips and tongue teased her clit until she was writhing. He was good. Bea let go of his hair and grabbed the blankets beneath her instead, gripping them until her knuckles turned white as his tongue dipped inside her. Over and over, sliding inside her, and then teasing up over her clit, and back inside her again. She could feel her body tightening in response and couldn't fight the cries that started to escape her lips. Ethan had her shuddering with climax and still his mouth worked her as she trembled with the intensity of it. When he set her down at last she was panting, a thin sheen of sweat coating her skin. As she lay catching her breath he moved away from her, turning to sit on the edge of the bed. Bea watched him curiously. After long moments, in which time she realized he wasn't going to sleep with her, she sat up. She straightened her bra and smoothed her shirt down, then crawled over to him. Ethan jumped as she laid a hand on his shoulder. She leaned against his back, putting her arms around him. "I'm sorry," Ethan said quietly. "I uh... I lost control..." Bea's eyebrows rose. "Ethan, you can lose control like that any time you want," she told him candidly. He laughed softly and some of his tenseness seemed to flee. Bea sidled under his arm and crawled into his lap, curling up like a happy kitten. He wants sex, she thought, but he wants me. All of me, not just my body. No man who wanted only sex apologized for something like that, unless he was acting. She adored Ethan, truly, but those dark eyes of his were too guileless. Bea couldn't always read what he was feeling but she could tell he wasn't the type who could maintain that kind of act. It was too emotionless and his unreadability came from too much emotion. "Can I make a confession?" Bea asked, resting a hand on his cheek. He didn't respond, just watched her silently. Smiling, she told him, "You're the first person to come into my life in a long time to make me this happy." Ethan smiled and turned his head, kissing the palm of her hand gently. "Stay here tonight," he murmured. His serious expression turned to amusement, no doubt at the look on her face. "Not like that," he teased, "I just want you here." "Then I'll stay," Bea murmured, giving him a gentle kiss. "Besides," Ethan added, "I'll make breakfast." She grinned. Maybe it was contagious, because he grinned back. Whatever worries he'd had about upsetting her were gone, apparently, because he shifted suddenly, sending her sprawling back onto the bed. Bea laughed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. In the end Ethan settled next to her on the bed and pulled her close. They just lounged like that for awhile, she with her head on his chest, listening to the soft beating of his heart. She hadn't been lying; this was the happiest she could ever remember being. ------- Ethan hummed to himself as he tossed the eggs around in a pan, scrambling them. A towel hung around his neck and his hair was still damp from his morning shower. He'd been very careful, creeping out of bed this morning, not to wake Bea. Even though he'd already told her that he would make breakfast he wanted to surprise her. Aside from an awful lot of snuggling, nothing else had happened between the two of them last night. Ethan didn't mind in the least. He was a little unnerved at his sudden loss of control. These days, when she was around him, he felt like his namesake. A half-starved wolf, and she the delicious looking deer he was desperate to pound on. She been like fire, her skin hot and her body moving beneath his touch as if it were the most exquisite thing she'd ever felt. Ethan had almost given in. But watching her as she caught her breath, he'd realized that he couldn't do it. That had been before she'd made her confession to him, of course. It was one little thing but it had made him feel a little more secure. Unless she was the best actress in the world, she wanted the same things from him that he wanted from her. The emotion in her eyes when she spoke like that was so raw. Ethan had almost lost his cool again at that sweet vulnerability. But savoring his time with her had been enough. He'd found himself perfectly content to hold her. "Good morning." Smiling, Ethan half-turned, watching the eggs from the corner of his eye. Bea stood at the entrance of the kitchen, pushing sleep tousled hair back from her face. She was wearing one of his t-shirts, something he thought was too adorable for words. Andrea had never done that sort of thing. She'd said it felt like she was too much in his personal space-she hated having anyone in her personal space-but Bea seemed to like that intimacy. "You're going to spoil me," Bea said, as she hopped up onto the counter. "That smells good..." "It tastes as good as it smells," Ethan assured her. At her raised eyebrows he added, "I've done a lot of the cooking for a good portion of my life. My parents weren't around enough and well... with three always hungry brothers and two very picky sisters, I had to be good at it." Her laughter warmed him. He took the pan of the burner and turned to her, stepping across the kitchen towards her. Ethan was reaching up for her when the front door started to open. They both stared as it paused, then swung shut again. A second later a loud knock had them both laughing. I don't know whether to kill Chase, he thought, or giving him a break for managing to get a knock in before opening the door. Because a moment later his brother walked in anyway. "Damn," Chase said, grinning, "bad timing." "I'm not naked this time," Bea pointed out. Chase's grin widened. "I know." "What do you want, Chase?" Ethan asked. He turned back to making breakfast so his brother wouldn't see him roll his eyes. Chase made his way over to the kitchen. He took a place on the counter next to Bea, but was at least smart enough not to try to touch her. The smug look on his face told Ethan that his brother was holding onto something good. Fine by me, he thought, shoveling scrambled eggs onto two plates. If he's preoccupied with something else, he won't ask questions about why Bea is at my place at this early hour wearing only one of my t-shirts. Granted Chase might have already made his own assumptions on the matter. "You know that vacation Gabriel's taking his family on?" Chase asked, directing the question to Bea. Bea nodded. "Yeah, the whole family is going," she replied. "Well, except for Sada and Alastair, because of the baby coming soon, but Gabriel's planning on sending them off somewhere after its born. Wolfe Family Caribbean vacation. Why?" "Well, since the plans were laid," Chase said, "the family has gotten bigger. Namely us." He paused and grinned at Ethan. "Gabe says he'll get us passage too, if we want to go." Ethan's eyebrows rose. That's awfully generous of 'Gabe', he thought, frowning. It was odd thinking of the man as his cousin, since he was nearly twice his age. Still, he'd been very good to Elijah and Sydney, and was apparently offering to pay for them all to go on this vacation. A vacation couldn't hurt, Ethan thought, pursing his lips. I suppose I'll at least think about it... There was no question in his mind that Chase would go. He glanced at Bea to see what she thought and was surprised by the look on her face. "What's wrong?" Ethan asked, taking a step towards her. "Huh?" Bea lifted her head. "Oh uh... nothing," she said, smiling sheepishly. "I'm just hungry." Ethan took the plate of the counter and handed it to her, taking a second to slap away Chase's reaching hand. His brother grinned. In truth, while his brothers and sisters had gotten very involved with the rest of the Wolfes, Ethan had tried to stay distant. But he wouldn't mind a vacation; it would give him some wonderful time alone with Bea. She seemed sad, though, he thought, glancing at her worriedly. Why do I get the feeling there's something she's not saying? ------- Chapter 13: Giving in to Temptation The plan, as Ethan knew it, was to leave on July fifth. The vacation was for two weeks, which meant they should be back before Sada gave birth. I hope Alastair doesn't have a heart attack over this, he thought, chuckling as he watched his cousin. She might just kill him if he doesn't leave off. Alastair was intent on tending to her every need, but he was becoming a little stifling in the meantime. Personally Ethan thought it was sweet, but he could understand why it was getting to her, too. Oddly enough, Quinn and Xandri had volunteered to stay home with Alastair and Sada. They traveled a lot, apparently, due to art shows and jobs, not to mention just regular vacations. I wonder if Bea is going, Ethan thought, frowning. He'd kind of wanted to ask her along, but he didn't really think it was his place; besides, why wouldn't she be going? As far as he could tell, she was as much family as he was. In some ways more so, since they'd known her longer. "This is exactly what we need," Sydney was saying. She sat on the couch next to Elijah-as per usual-and was talking with Aislinn, who sat in the arm chair off to the left. "Starting college in the fall is nerve-wracking. We really appreciate this." Aislinn smiled. "College isn't so bad," she told them. "If Gabriel can survive it, you two should have no problem." "Where is he, anyway?" Ethan asked. "I was hoping to ask him about something..." "I'm afraid he's at the center," Aislinn answered. "He has some things to wrap up before we leave. If you stick around he should be home in time for dinner." Ethan shook his head. "I uh... I'm meeting Bea tonight..." He really wished the whole room wouldn't come to attention when he said such things. It was bad enough with Chase and Bailey teasing him all the time. Grumbling beneath his breath, Ethan turned away and headed for the door. He heard laughter behind him; he knew it was good-natured, but it still irked him a little. With a sigh he stepped out into the heat of the day, groaning as the humidity nearly sucked the air out of him. I'll be glad to get home, Ethan thought, as he slid into his car. I think I'll sit directly in front of my A.C. until Bea arrives. They were planning to spend the evening in, since it was so hot. Bea's little apartment had only fans and while she seemed not to mind it, it was much more comfortable at his place. Even her car didn't have A.C. And speaking of her car... Ethan thought, frowning as he climbed out of his own. Why was Bea's car here already? Concern filled him suddenly. He made his way quickly up to his apartment, taking the stairs two at a time. He found her sitting outside his apartment, leaning against the wall. For a moment he thought she must have been swimming or something, her hair was so damp with sweat. Bea turned her head at the sound of his approach and smiled weakly at him. Moving quickly, Ethan unlocked the apartment door, then scooped her up and carried her in. He'd left the A.C. running, so it was much cooler inside. Bea let out a sigh of relief as he set her down on the couch. "The electricity is out at my place," she explained, as he headed into the kitchen to get her a glass of water. "My stupid landlord didn't pay the bill again... ugh!" Ethan carried the glass back to her and handed it to her. He watched her, finding himself fascinated by the way her eyelashes lowered as she drank. She's practically dehydrated, he thought, groaning, and all I can think of is how much I want to take her into my room and... agh! Bea finished half the glass in one go, then sank down on the couch, resting wearily against it. She wore only a thin camisole and a pair of short shorts. Ethan's eyes kept wandering downward and he kept having to force them back to her face. "Sorry," Bea said, smiling faintly. "I guess... I didn't know where else to go..." Ethan knelt beside the couch and reached over to gently brush her hair away from her face. "It's fine," he assured her, smiling down at her. "You should know I won't mind if you come here when something like this happens." She reached up and caught hold of his hand, cradling it between hers. Ethan noticed a sadness in her jade green eyes, something he'd seen a lot in the last few days. When she looked like that he wanted to anything he possibly could to make her feel better. Right now it was more than that, though. As her grip on his hand loosened, he let it fall to her stomach and slide up along her ribs. Bea's breath caught in her throat as he leaned down, brushing his lips lightly over her earlobe. Ethan had been well aware, that time in the parking lot, of just how that made her squirm. "How come every time I find you you're hot and sweaty?" he asked, his voice low. "Maybe you have a sense for it," Bea teased, reaching over and burying her fingers in his hair. "Or maybe that's just how you want me to be." "Maybe," Ethan agreed, nipping at her earlobe. He pulled back then and she whimpered in disappointment. "But something tells me you'll be much happier if you have a shower." Bea sighed. "You're probably right. Help me up?" Ethan took the glass from her, set it down on the coffee table, and helped her to her feet. He let his hand linger for a moment in hers and smiled when he saw her cheeks turn slightly red. As Bea disappeared into the bathroom, he dropped down onto the couch with a sigh. What the hell am I going to do? he wondered, running his fingers back through his hair. I can't take much more of this. It was not easy, holding himself back. And lately Ethan was beginning to wonder why he held himself back the way he did. It was hard not to be wary, after what he'd gone through. His family assumed he'd been cheated on, but if they knew the truth they were bound to be more than a little shocked. He imagined even Bea would be surprised. And yet... Ethan thought, pursing his lips, I wonder, would it bother her or not? He knew the fear of letting go of something in order to hold onto it. This time it was holding on that he feared. ------- Bea had to admit, the shower perked her up a little. She'd been feeling rather down lately and when the electricity had cut out this morning she'd just about had a nervous breakdown. Somehow she'd managed to make it through most of the day but finally she'd given up and headed to Ethan's. He's in quite a mood today, Bea thought, as she stepped out of the bathroom. Too bad it probably won't last, knowing him. She wondered where he was, anyway; she didn't see him in the living room or kitchen. Since she needed to borrow some of his clothes anyway-no ease feat, considering how much larger he was than her-she headed into the bedroom. Ethan was there, sitting on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. Frowning, Bea climbed up onto the bed with him. She leaned against his back, wrapping her arms around him, and resting her head against his shoulder. It was easy to feel the heat of his body through his shirt and the towel she was wearing. Suddenly she found herself wondering if getting this close to him was such a good idea. "Are you okay?" Bea asked. "What are you doing in here?" "Thinking," Ethan told her. He half-turned and looked up at her. "Bea... this might seem a little odd, but... what do you want out of life? I mean..." "I want a home," Bea said. This was not exactly the sort of thing she liked to talk about, but for Ethan she didn't mind so much. She slipped down onto the bed next to him, leaning against him. "That's why I live like I do. I'm saving up to buy my own home. So I'll never have to scramble for rent or anything like that again." "That will take a long time," Ethan said quietly. Bea reached over to toy with a lock of his hair. "I know," she said, shrugging. "But when something-or someone-means that much to you, it's worth waiting for." He turned suddenly, catching her around the waist and dragging her against him. Bea's eyes widened in surprise as his mouth covered hers. Despite the urgency of his touch, however, his mouth was gentle, coaxing her lips slowly open. She threw her arms around him, holding onto him tightly as he lowered her back on the bed. Her stomach fluttered with excitement. Bea almost cried out in frustration when he pulled away a moment later and rose to his feet. Ethan looked unsettled and restless. "What?" Bea asked, frowning. "I um... should probably run to the store," Ethan said. He cleared his throat and looked away. Bea's eyebrows rose. "For wh-... oh." I'm not sure I like this, she thought, biting her lip. If it's just because he wants to then fine, but... Sighing, she patted the bed next to her. One great thing about being so tiny was she didn't have to worry about her towel slipping. Ethan dropped gracelessly onto the bed next to her, looking a little pale. Damnit, Bea thought, rising onto her knees. She reached over, catching his face in her hands, and forcing him to look at her. Despite his obvious nerves, there was something in his dark eyes, something intense, that made her shiver. "I want to," Ethan said quietly, as if reading her mind. "Just..." Bea nodded. "Safety first," she agreed, smiling faintly. This wasn't exactly the most arousing conversation, but it was one they needed to have. "Well, okay... um... well, you already know I'm on birth control, from the times I've stayed over here, so uh..." "When was the last time you were... tested?" Ethan asked. The question seemed to make him very uneasy. "A few months ago," Bea replied. She shifted uncomfortably. "Not that there's been a necessity for awhile. Look, Ethan, maybe... maybe we're not ready for this..." She released him and sank down on the bed, a little confused by the ache in her heart. This shouldn't bother her like this. Maybe it was because she was feeling low, knowing that the Wolfes would be going on vacation soon. He'll be gone for two weeks, Bea thought, and I... I don't want him to go! She wanted Ethan here, where she could be close to him. She wanted him to feel the way she did, to want her so much that he didn't get caught up in all these little things. I'm just being selfish, Bea told herself. She started when she felt Ethan's head against her shoulder. His hair tickled over her bare skin, making her shiver. How could she not be a little selfish in this matter? It was true he was quite opposite from the type of man she would normally think she'd go for, personality wise, but he was turning out to be everything she wanted anyway. And despite what she wanted, Bea cared about him too much to push the matter. "I had a scare, once," Ethan said suddenly, startling her. "It um... it's part of why... things ended with my ex." "What kind of scare?" Bea asked, curious despite herself. Ethan winced. "Aids," he told her. "Well, HIV, really, but um... well... the circumstances weren't pretty and..." He paused, noticing the look on her face. "I tested negative. And... it wasn't... it wasn't from me..." Bea bit back a sigh of relief. It had taken Ethan a lot to tell her this, she knew, and she didn't want to upset him more. So she did cheat on him, she thought, putting her arms around him. She had to have, there's no other way... right? She didn't really want to think on it and she wasn't about to press him. This is enough, Bea thought, closing her eyes and savoring the feeling of his breath warm against her neck. This can be plenty, so long as he's with me. Ethan's lips moved against her skin. She bit back a moan as his tongue traced a line along her neck, up to her ear. Bea tightened her hold on him as he suckled gently at her earlobe. She felt him shift, felt muscles moving beneath her hands, and suddenly she was pinned beneath him on the bed. Ethan's hands ran along her sides, tugging on the towel and pulling it open. Bea moved beneath him, lifting her body into his touch as his hands slid up over her breasts. He lifted his mouth from her neck and found her lips instead. As she opened her mouth to him, allowing his tongue to slide up against hers, she ran her hands down along his back and up under his shirt. She pulled it up, only partially aware of what she was doing. What Bea knew above all else was that she wanted him and she didn't want to wait. And it seemed he felt the same; Ethan pulled his mouth from hers long enough to get his t-shirt off and discard it, then he was kissing her again. He seemed fascinated by her. His lips and tongue found sensitive places on her body that no one had ever found before. She shivered as he sucked at the tender skin between her thumb and forefinger, his hands cradling hers. And where he explored with his mouth he followed with his hands, and vice versa. Bea writhed underneath him as he teased her nipples with the tip of his tongue. His hair tickled over her neck and shoulders and, looking down at him, she found herself admiring the way his lashes lay dark against his cheek. Ethan took a sensual pleasure in what he did the likes of which she'd never quite seen before. He rested between her legs, his cheek pillowed against her thigh, tracing slow whorls on her skin, moving down along her belly. She could feel each hot breath. His eyes were half-closed in a sleepy, sexy expression that made her ache for him. Bea nearly purred as his fingers traveled down between her legs, sweeping lightly over tender flesh. Her fingers clenched around the blankets beneath her but somehow she remained patient. But not still, oh no. Ethan teased her clit with the tip of one finger, making her rise against his touch. When he finally slid that finger inside her she was so wet, more than ready for him. He took pleasure in that, too, turning his head to nip lightly at her thigh as his finger moved in and out of her. Bea's hips continued to rise and she bit her lip, wanting more. It was slow, blissful torture, each languid thrust of his finger. Ethan's dark eyes watched her the whole while, intent and intense. When he drew his hand away from her she almost cried out in disappointment. His fingers trailed up along her thigh and he seemed content to simply watch her squirm. When he found out that tickling the back of her knees brought on near the same reaction as sucking on her earlobes, Ethan grinned... well, wolfishly. Bea realized, then, the extent of just how much he was enjoying himself. She thought she might just have bitten off more than she could chew; a thought that filled her with excitement. "I could do this all night, you know," Ethan murmured, his voice low and husky. "You make the most delightful sounds... especially when I do this..." He nipped at her thigh again and she made a soft sound in response, somewhere between a squeak and a gasp. His eyes lit up and he did it again. Bea groaned softly and reached down to bury her fingers in his hair. "Are you going to tease me all night, truly?" she asked, panting slightly. "No," Ethan replied, his voice quiet and serious. "I'm not." His hair slipped from her fingers as he rose. Bea watched him, unable to look away, as he climbed off the bed and finished undressing. Her whole body tensed at the sight of him. She sat up, reaching for him as he came back to the bed, drawing him into her arms and up against her. Ethan's mouth settled on hers, and his hands found hers as well, as he bore her back down to the bed. Bea trembled with anticipation as he settled between her thighs. She could barely even breathe. She nearly cried aloud when he slid inside her. Her body shuddered, tightening around his, and she felt the responding tremor that ran through him. He began moving inside her the way he'd done with his finger; slow, languid, watching her face with each stroke. Bea found herself lost in those dark eyes. She reached up, running her fingers down his cheek and over his lips. Ethan chuckled softly and opened his mouth, catching the tip of her index finger with his teeth. She laughed. There was something tender in the way he suckled at the tip of her finger and she laughed, that soft sound of utter happiness. Bea reclaimed her finger and slid her hands behind his head, pulling his mouth down to hers. She lifted her hips to meet his thrusts, still slow and languid but beginning to build in pace. How he held on so long she couldn't imagine. As if the physical connection between them was not pleasurable enough there was emotion, too. She could see it, a warmth reflected in Ethan's dark eyes. Soon his breathing grew ragged and heavy. Bea's nerves seemed afire and her own breath came panting. The pace of his thrusts increased, building in her a friction so sweet in made her eyes tear. She held him tight, her fingers tangled in his hair, lifting her hips to meet each stroke. Ethan buried his face against her neck. Bea heard him groan, felt the tremors of his body as he came inside her, and followed him with a cry that she stifled in his hair. Both of them were sweaty and breathing hard. Moving slowly, Ethan slid out of her and flopped down on the bed next to her with a groan. Curious, Bea propped herself up on one elbow. His eyes were closed, but the satisfied smile on his face made her grin. A moment later his eyes flickered open. Ethan reached out and snaked an arm around her waist, dragging her towards him. Bea laughed and rested her hands on his chest, propping her chin on the back of them to look at him. "That was very irresponsible of us," Ethan said, trying to sound stern and failing. "Yes, it was," Bea agreed, grinning. "And very unlike me," Ethan went on. His voice was slightly slurred, as though he was tired. "Mhm," Bea agreed again, nodding. "And right now," Ethan finished, "I feel so good, I don't care." Bea threw back her head and laughed. She felt tears of happiness gathering in her eyes and forced them away. I can deal with two weeks, she decided, as long as he can deal with me pouncing on him as soon as he gets home. She stretched up against him, stroking his cheek gently. Ethan's eyes opened to slits and he smiled, a wry smile. "Just so I don't hate myself in the morning," he said, "promise me we'll be more careful next time." "We will," Bea assured him. "But who said anything about the morning? I'm hungry!" Ethan groaned loudly and rolled over, grabbing a pillow to cover his head. She snatched it away from him, but didn't get a chance to do anything more before he'd grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down. Bea shrieked, kicking her legs and laughing as he pinned her beneath him and pressed his lips to her belly, give her a very loud, very ticklish raspberry. I love this side of him, she thought, tugging playfully at his hair, trying to get him to stop. In fact, I do believe I love everything about him. ------- Chapter 14: Wolfe Family Vacation There was something about that emotional plunge, going from being extremely happy to hitting rock bottom. Bea had hit rock bottom and nearly kept on going. She had thought she'd be able to handle being left behind, but now she wasn't so sure. They haven't even left yet, she thought, staring at the clock on her night table, and I'm acting like someone died. With a sigh Bea rolled off of her bed and padded into the kitchen. Aside from being miserable, she was also way too hot. As she was pouring a glass of ice water someone began knocking on her door. Who the hell is it at this hour? she wondered, frowning. Bea took a quick swig of her water, set the glass down, and went to answer the door. She was surprised-to say the least-to find Gabriel waiting for her outside her door. He gave her an impatient look and she backpedaled quickly. "Why aren't you ready?" Gabriel demanded. He ran his fingers back through his hair and let out a harried sigh. "R-Ready?" Bea stammered, her eyes wide. "We have to be at the airport in forty-five minutes," Gabriel said. "At least tell me you're packed." Bea stared at him. He can't mean... she thought. How could he? No one had said anything to her about being invited. Unless... unless they'd just assumed she knew she was invited. She stared up at Gabriel and noticed a twinkle of amusement in his dark eyes. Bea looked down at her toes, digging them into the boring gray carpet beneath her feet. He makes me feel like a little girl, she thought, biting her lip. I'm so self-assured around everyone but him. "I... I thought it was family only," Bea said quietly. Gabriel blinked at her. "Yes. So you'd better get your butt down to the van in fifteen minutes or I'm coming back up here and carrying you out myself." Tempting, she thought, watching him leave, very tempting. Hero-worship was undoubtedly a hard thing to shake. But over the past months especially Gabriel had become more and more like a father to her. I should have realized, Bea thought, as she headed over to the suitcases she kept her clothes in. I should have seen it, but I guess I've been feeling a little sorry for myself lately. She has just begun searching through her clothes for things to take with her when the apartment door burst open and Alanna dashed in, breathless and grinning. "I can't believe you thought we'd leave you behind," Alanna said, as they worked together to get her things packed. "Ethan thought so too. You know he got on dad's case this morning?" Bea's eyes widened. "He did not!" she exclaimed. "... Did he?" "Oh, he did," Alanna assured her, grinning. "What's going on between you two, anyway?" Bea went silent, not sure what to say. She didn't know how much she wanted to tell Alanna just yet. It's just so... new, she thought, staring down at her fingers, which worked at folding her clothing without much thought. And so precious. It's silly, but I'm so afraid that even speaking about it could make it fall apart. She looked up as Alanna rested a hand on hers. Bea could tell by the look in her friend's eyes that she understood. "Just tell me one thing," Alanna said, her pale blue eyes lit with a kitten-like curiosity Bea was very familiar with. "Was it good?" Bea couldn't stop the smile that curved her lips. "I don't have the words," she said quietly, "to tell you how wonderful it was." Alanna let out a squeal of delight and tackled her, hugging her tight enough to take the breath from her. Laughing, she peeled her friend off of her, and they got back to work. They were just leaving the apartment-Bea in the camisole and shorts she wore as PJs-when Gabriel appeared at the top of the steps. He flashed them a wry, somewhat exasperated smile, but he took Bea's bags from her and sent them both down the stairs ahead of him. I love this family, she thought, smiling to herself. I'm happy so long as I know I have a place among them. ------- If there was one thing Ethan hadn't been expecting on this trip, it was to share a room with Bea. It did explain the look his cousin had given him when he'd demanded to know why Bea wasn't invited, too. He watched from the doorway of the bathroom as she stretched out on the bed like a very happy cat. She was still wearing what she'd had on this morning when they'd picked her up. Ethan found himself staring at the way the thin cotton clung to her breasts. Great, not here five minutes and already I'm thinking like a pervert, he thought, rolling his eyes. "This hotel is supposed to have a pool," Bea said, rolling over onto her stomach to look at him. "Want to going swimming?" "We're right on the beach," Ethan reminded her, raising his eyebrows. Bea shrugged. "Well, yeah, and the ocean is very pretty... as long as I'm not in it!" Ethan chuckled softly. He could understand that sentiment well enough; if he couldn't see what was swimming in it, he didn't want to be swimming in it himself. Unable to keep himself from watching the way she rolled around on the bed, he approached slowly. Bea smiled up at him and reached out, stretching her hand towards him. Ethan caught her hand in his as he knelt beside the bed. Maybe it was corny, but he brushed his lips against her knuckles. Whether it was corny or not, it still made her smile and sigh. He climbed up onto the bed next to her and started idly rubbing her back. "A room all to ourselves," Bea said quietly, propping her head up on her arms. "Hmm... did you remember to pack protection?" Ethan almost blushed at the teasing quality of her voice. "I uh... no. I didn't know you were coming," he said. "Listen, um... about that... I didn't meant to seem like such an ass about it..." "You weren't," Bea said, turning her head to look at him. Her eyebrows were slightly raised. "I understand, Ethan. In your position, I'd probably be overly cautious too. It's all right." Smiling, Ethan reached over and brushed a strand of hair back from her face. She doesn't have any idea how hard it is to be cautious around her, he thought, continuing to rub her back. She's so hard to resist... Bea stretched out, resting her head on her arms and closing her eyes. She made soft little noises as he rubbed her back. I wish she wouldn't make those noises, Ethan thought, shifting on the bed so he could get both hands on her. On second thought... Bea moaned softly as he rubbed her shoulders, kneading gently. Catching the thin cotton with his fingertips, he pulled it up, then ran his hands down her bare back. She shivered as he traced her spine with his index finger. All right, Ethan thought, grasping her hips and turning her over. Bea gasped, her eyes widening in surprise. She let out a soft, startled squeak as he bent and pressed his lips to her belly. He looked up at her and grinned at the expression on her face. "Now you're in trouble," Ethan murmured against her skin. His hands traveled to the waistband of her shorts and began to slowly pull them down. Those soft green eyes were watching him intently. His mouth trailed down her belly, over her hip, and down to her thigh as he tugged her shorts and her panties off. Ethan nipped the inside of her thigh and she made that sound he liked so much. He lifted her with ease, pulling her hips into his lap. Bea actually blushed as he pushed her thighs apart and he chuckled softly. Her eyelashes flickered as his fingertips brushed lightly over her and she let out a soft, pleased sigh. He wasn't exactly sure what got into him when it came to her. Ethan loved to touch her. He loved the feeling of her skin, as fine as silk, beneath his fingertips; he loved the way she moved against him as he touched her; he loved the little sounds she made as he slid his finger inside her. More than anything, though, Ethan loved the way she looked at him. Watching gold flecks come to life in those lovely jade eyes, he suddenly forgot there was a world beyond her. "Ethan..." Bea murmured, reaching up to him. There was no hesitation in him as he bent to kiss her. He shifted his position so that it was easier for her to reach him. Ethan was so absorbed in kissing her, and in her hands, pulling open his jeans, that he didn't hear the knocking at first. When he felt Bea go still beneath him, that was when he finally heard it. Groaning, he let himself sink down on top of her. There was a wild urge in him to simply ignore the knocking and continue what they were doing, but somehow he doubted either of them really wanted to deal with the subsequent teasing. "Yes?" Ethan called. "We're going to get something to eat." The voice was Alanna's. "Do you want to come?" "That's what we were trying to do," Bea muttered, rolling her eyes. Ethan chuckled. He kissed her quickly, a small kiss, to quiet her, then answered, "Sure. We'll be out in a few minutes." Bea grumbled about it, but she did get dressed. She had to rifle through her suitcase for something to wear. Ethan found himself watching from the corner of his eye; not really the best idea, as he was already rather... excited. That's cruel, he thought, watching as she pulled on a bikini. The halter-style top at least looked somewhat like clothes, and she did pull shorts on over the bottom. Bea caught him looking and grinned, her eyes lighting up wickedly. "I'll teach you to act on your impulses yet," she teased, winking at him. This is going to be the longest meal of my life, Ethan realized. He followed Bea out of their hotel room and into the hallway. "We" turned out to be only Drake and Alanna, for once. Even his siblings had decided to sit this one out, it seemed. Fine by me, he thought, we'll have enough trouble from just these two. Actually, really only Alanna; Drake was very quiet. Still, Ethan could put up with it. He was quite convinced he could put up with anything, so long as he could be with Bea. ------- It was amazing how one little statement could turn a lovely evening sour. Bea had been enjoying herself very much. Surprisingly, Ethan had held his own under Alanna's teasing, for the most part. She'd even thought he'd let the comment slide, or maybe he hadn't heard it, until he'd turned to look at her. Those dark eyes that she was coming to adore had been cold. Bea had seen Alanna's look of apology-and she didn't really blame her friend, either-but right then it didn't do much good. "Bea seems to have a taste for Wolfes," Alanna had joked. That was why she and Ethan were outside, strolling around the wooden deck that surrounded the restaurant right next to the hotel. Bea couldn't even remember what exactly they'd been talking about, when Alanna had made the unfortunate comment. It had been mostly aimless chatter, so pleasant in its simplicity. It's not Lonnie's fault, Bea thought, pausing and leaning up against the railing. She probably figured he'd loosened up. I most certainly did. Hell, Ethan had damn near pounced her in the bedroom. But this was different, those dark eyes insisted. "All three of them," Ethan said quietly, not looking at her. "Wow... that's uh..." "Ethan..." Bea began. She could feel a major headache coming on. "So will you jump to Bailey or Chase next?" Ethan demanded, finally turning to look at her. It was like being slapped. "That... that's not fair!" Bea protested. "You don't understand!" "I understand that you've slept with Alanna," Ethan said, "and both of her brothers!" He's never going to listen to me, Bea realized, taking a step back. No matter what I do, it isn't going to make a difference. She hadn't cried since she was... well, she couldn't even remember. But she wasn't going to start now. Instead she turned on her heel and fled. The beach was mere feet away from the front of the restaurant. Bea was careful not to step on anyone as she ran down the length of the beach. Even though it was evening and slowly beginning to get dark, there were people still out enjoying the ocean. She didn't really know where she was going, aside from away. For awhile she could find nothing but occupied space and what she wanted was to be alone. When Bea did finally come across a stretch of beach that seemed uninhabited, she flung herself down on the sand near the shore. Water came up, lapping over her toes, but she just ignored it. It's not fair! she thought, dragging her fingers through her hair in frustration. It's just not fair! What was she supposed to do? She couldn't change who she was or what she'd done; nor would she. But Ethan was the best thing to come into her life in a long time. How can he be? Bea demanded of herself. How can he really be, when he keeps doing things like this? She'd thought that things were settled between them now. The other night had been so perfect. I should have realized, she thought, nothing is ever really perfect. She sat there, alone, for quite awhile, thinking. Bea didn't know what she should do, but there was a part of her, deep down, the wondered if maybe they wouldn't be able to make this work. I would be able to, she thought, if he would only cooperate. Oh, she didn't expect perfection of him, really. I just... it would be nice if he'd apologize, Bea thought, sighing. I understand that it bothers him, I guess, I just wish he wouldn't be so... mean about it. "Bea?" Of all the people she would have expected to come looking for her, Gabriel was not one of them. She looked up in surprise as he took a seat next to her. If it weren't for the strands of silver in his dark hair and the smile lines around his mouth, he wouldn't have looked any older than she did. His face is gentler than Ethan's, Bea thought, watching him from the corner of her eyes. It's softer, somehow. More... peaceful. There had always been something about Gabriel that struck her as serene, ever since she'd first met him. That was a day she would never forget. "Sometimes it's really hard to believe he's related to you," Bea said quietly. "I mean, usually he's wonderful but then... sometimes..." "Do you want to talk about it?" Gabriel asked. "It" was really a loosely defined word. Bea found herself explaining everything-absolutely everything-to Gabriel. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, when she explained about her past. I couldn't bear it if he thought less of me, she thought, swallowing hard. For all her insistence that she would not cry, she felt like she just might. I can't take anymore rejection tonight, Bea thought. Two of my favorite people... I just couldn't take it. To her surprise, when she was finished talking, Gabriel put an arm around her shoulders. Bea looked up at him and found herself looking into dark eyes full of warmth and concern. Alanna is so lucky, she thought, feeling tears sting her eyes despite herself. I don't think she realizes just how lucky she is. "You don't seem... surprised..." Bea said, her voice hesitant. Gabriel nodded. "I've always suspected that sort of thing about you, Bea," he admitted. "Your situation was always... suspicious." "Oh," Bea said quietly. She stared down at the water lapping over her toes. "You know, you've always reminded me a lot of myself," Gabriel went on. When she looked up at him, wide-eyed, he chuckled softly. "Always quiet and secretive, keeping my past from others because I was so afraid that they'd disapprove. Well... not all of us can be as lucky as I was, to meet someone like Aislinn." "You are lucky," Bea agreed. "She accepts you for who you are. And she doesn't think less of you because of what happened in your past." Gabriel's fingers were cool and gentle. Bea shivered as his hand cupped her cheek, turning her gaze up to meet his. No wonder Aislinn fell in love with him, she thought, her heart pounding and her eyes wide. How could she have possibly not fallen for him? Those dark eyes seemed endless. Bea was glad that she thought of Gabriel as the closest thing to a father figure she'd ever known; otherwise, she'd been in some serious trouble right about now. "We accept you for who you are, Bea," Gabriel told her. He reached up and tugged playfully at a strand of hair that strayed across her cheek. "Aislinn and I, we'd never think less of you for what's in the past. Nor would Alanna or the twins, either." Bea bit her lip. I'm not going to cry, she thought, even as she felt a tear roll down her cheek, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not! If anyone had ever held her while she cried, she couldn't remember it, but he held her now. I know life isn't fair, she thought, but I still wish... Bea had often felt guilty, those times when she'd been jealous of Alanna. How she wished, sometimes, that the Wolfes were her family, that she was the daughter, not simply the friend. It was as if Gabriel could read her mind. "Aislinn and I have always thought of you as ours, Bea," he murmured, as he rocked her gently. "We know how hard you've worked and everything you've achieved. And believe me... we are so proud of you." ------- Ethan paced outside the door of the hotel room, anxious. Where is she? he wondered, pausing to look down the hall. Damnit, where the hell is she? He'd gone looking, but since he hadn't watched where she'd run off to, he couldn't find her. So now he paced, while guilty ate him alive. I shouldn't have said that, Ethan thought, sighing heavily. It's just... what am I supposed to think? She has all these experiences... I must seem so... boring, in comparison. Months ago it had been disapproval that had made him say the things he said. Now... now he was afraid. Losing someone I loved was hard enough once, Ethan thought, I don't want to do it again. And as crazy as it sounded in his own mind, he thought he could love Bea more than he'd loved Andrea. Once upon a time he wouldn't have thought it possible, but now... "Open the door." It was amazing, really, how silent a man could be. Ethan stared wide-eyed at his cousin Gabriel; he'd never heard the man approach. More, Gabriel was carrying Bea in his arms. She was fast asleep, her head resting against his chest, her nose slightly red and her cheeks blotchy as if she'd been crying. And she's still beautiful, Ethan thought, staring at her. And boy am I ever pathetic. Because he was being a cornball, or because he'd made her cry... well, he wasn't sure which. Gabriel glared at him and he scrambled to get the door of the hotel room open. His cousin carried Bea into the room and set her down gently on the bed. Ethan could only watch, feeling guilty, as Gabriel pulled a light blanket up over her and tucked her in. Like a father, he thought, which means I'm in big, big trouble. Bea didn't so much as stir, either; she was a sound sleeper. Ethan had never been able to wake her up, those times she'd slept at his place. He'd always waited for her to awaken on her own. "Gabriel..." Ethan began, taking a hesitant step forward. "Save it," Gabriel growled, turning on him. "You may be family, Ethan, but I'm getting really sick and tired of the way you treat her." Ethan winced. "Yeah, I know," he said, smiling wryly. "I am, too. Would you understand if I told you I was just... scared?" "I might," Gabriel said coolly, as he headed towards the door. "But that's still no excuse." Is it just me, Ethan thought, or is he harder on me than he is on everyone else? His cousin looked back over his shoulder. They had similar eyes, but right now Gabriel's were cold, like dark ice. They stared at each other for long moments, then finally Gabriel left the room. Ethan let out a breath, feeling relieved. He turned to the bed. Bea hadn't woken up, even during that exchange. Despite the fact that she'd been crying, she looked peaceful, and beautiful. Slowly, keeping an eye on her, he undressed. He wasn't exactly sure what he was planning on doing, really, but there was a place in the back of his mind that was absorbed in the notion of her skin against his. Ethan crawled beneath the covers and stretched out beside her, propping himself up on one elbow. The urge to touch her was overwhelming, so he gently ran his fingertips along her cheek. To his surprise her eyelids fluttered, than opened. Those soft jade eyes stared up at him, and it tore him apart to see the wariness and uncertainty in them. When she opened her mouth to speak, he pressed a finger gently to her lips. "Hush," Ethan murmured. "Let me apologize before you say anything." Bea blinked. "Apologize?" "Yeah, you know, that thing where I admit that I'm an asshole and that I'm repentant for it." Ethan grinned. "I really am sorry, Bea. I guess I don't know how to handle the way I feel." Bea reached up, cupping his face between her hands. Ethan shifted, bracing himself with his arms so that he was able to hold himself above her. Her eyebrows raised and she glanced down the length of his body. For once that look didn't make him flush. Bea ran her hands down his chest, over his stomach, making him shiver. Ethan groaned softly as she closed her fingers around him. She had such soft, warm hands. And such warm, teasing eyes. "Is this how you feel?" she asked, gentle laughter in her voice. "No," Ethan said quietly. He reached down and grabbed her wrist, bringing her hand up between them. "This is." He kissed her gently, tenderly. Bea sighed softly against his lips and relaxed beneath him, making it easy for him to settle between her legs. The fact that she was wearing clothes drove him crazy. Ethan didn't try to control his urges. Even as his kissed her, he let his hands wander, gently fondling her breasts through the bathing suit top. He didn't want to stop himself from touching her. Bea moaned softly, a little purring sound low in her throat, and he knew he had to have her. As sweet as her mouth was, there were other places just as sweet. She wriggled beneath him as he nipped lightly at her earlobe. While he sucked at her earlobe and nipped at her neck, he slipped his hands beneath her to get at the tie of the bathing suit. Bea arched her back, making it easy for him. Ethan pulled the top away and tossed it aside, baring her breasts. Another sweet place. His closed his mouth around one stiff nipple and savored the sound she made. Her hands ran down his back, her fingertips dancing over his skin in teasing whorls. Ethan traced the curve of her breast with his lips, occasionally nipping lightly, or letting his tongue dart out for a small lick. He braced himself with one elbow, and let his free hand travel down her body. Getting her shorts off with one hand was a trick, to be sure. Finally Ethan pulled back, growling in frustration. "Why'd you have to wear so damn much?" he grumbled, as he pulled her shorts open and tugged them down, along with the bottom half of her bathing suit. Bea let out a squeak of surprise that dissolved into laughter. "That's funny," she said, "by the look on your face earlier, I would have guessed it wasn't enough." "It wasn't," Ethan assured her. "Now it's too much." "Men," Bea teased, rolling her eyes playfully. "Don't you ever know what you want?" He was pretty sure the look he gave her made it clear what he wanted. The laughter in her eyes stilled, fading away to desire. Ethan stretched out over her, his mouth settling on hers once more. As he kissed her, he traced the line of her body with one hand, down her side, over the curve of her hip, around her thigh, and finally between her legs. Bea gasped softly when he touched her. She was wet, but it wasn't quite enough, as far as Ethan was concerned. He found her clit with his fingertip and teased it until she was squirming beneath him and moaning into his mouth. A moment later he wondered if there was some sort of cosmic force that telepathically told others when they were having sex. The knock at the door made Bea groan, and not in pleasure. Ethan went with his earlier impulse and ignored it. He chuckled softly against Bea's neck when he heard her trying to stifle the sounds she was making. Whoever was knocking must not have heard anything, because they kept knocking. "Ethan," Bea squealed, as he nipped at her neck. "Aren't you going to do something?" "Mmm," Ethan murmured in response. He took her by surprise when he entered her. The sound she made was loud and sweet, and must have given their knocker the hint. Bea stared up at him, her eyes wide in astonishment. Ethan was pretty astonished, too. They stared at each other for long moments. Bea laughed first, that sweet, happy sound she'd made the first time they'd slept together. Leaning his head against hers, he chuckled softly. She was so warm. Ethan shivered when he felt her body tighten around him. He found her mouth with his, even as he braced himself above her. After the first time, he'd thought it would be easier to control himself, but the way she arched beneath him, lifting her hips up to his, drove him crazy. Ethan kissed her hard, dipping his tongue into her mouth to slide against hers. There was no one in the world more beautiful than Bea. When he lifted his head, he saw gold flecks in her green eyes. Her legs wrapped around his hips, letting him slide even deeper inside her. Ethan's fingers curled around the blankets and sheets beneath his hands, flexing convulsively with each thrust. He stared into those lovely eyes and when Bea reached up to bury her fingers in his hair, he let her draw him down to her. Sinking against her body, he pressed his face against her neck and let himself go. Ethan didn't notice the tremors of her body right away, but when he did, he let out a sigh. Whether he was relieved or pleased with himself, he wasn't sure. She's mine, he thought, absently stroking the curve of her breast with his fingertips. And I won't ever let her go unsatisfied. Ethan could have been perfectly content just lying here, touching her like this. He ran his fingertip up along her breast, slowly circled the nipple, then gently teased the tip of it. "You're going to spoil me," Bea murmured, shifting beneath him. "Ooo, that feels good..." "That's the whole point," Ethan told her, grinning. He propped himself up enough so that he could reach her breast with his mouth. Bea squirmed, laughing, and pushed at him gently. He looked up at her, surprised. Ethan didn't think she'd ever stopped him before. "I'm kind of hungry," Bea explained. Ethan frowned. "Is food always going to come before our relationship?" he asked, trying but failing to keep a straight face. He leaned over and kissed the tip of her nose. "How about I order room service?" "Are we going to answer the door this time?" Bea wanted to know. She raised her eyebrows at him. "Only because there's no other choice," Ethan told her. "There should be robes in the bathroom..." Reluctantly Ethan pushed himself up and slid out of her. He wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed or proud of the fact that just looking at her was quickly making him hard again. Probably a bit of both, he thought, as he padded into the bathroom. He pulled on one of the robes himself, then brought the other one out to Bea. She raised her eyebrows at him again when he handed her the robe. "No clothes?" she asked. "No," Ethan replied, wrinkling his nose. "Then we'll just have to get them off again." Her laughter made him smile. He flopped down on the bed next to her as she began pulling on the robe and reached for the room service menu. When Gabriel calms down a little, Ethan thought, I'm going to have to thank him. Of course, he'd already said thank you, but he'd have to do it again. Even then, words weren't enough. There was simply no way to thank a person for the chance to spend a two week vacation with someone as wonderful as Bea. ------- Chapter 15: Surf Her body ached, but in a pleasant way. Bea settled down at the breakfast table, across from Alanna and next to Ethan. Glancing in his direction, she met his warm, dark gaze and blushed, just a little. I haven't felt like this in... ages, she thought, shifting on the seat. He must have been channeling his inner eighteen-year-old or something. They hadn't gotten to sleep until almost four in the morning. Bea was glad no one else was able to get up early, either. It took awhile for the table to fill and surprisingly, Gabriel and Aislinn were the last ones to come down to breakfast. Bea glanced at them and grinned; Aislinn was cheerful in the morning but Gabriel was a complete grump. He wouldn't speak more than a word here or there until he'd gotten a decent amount of strong, black coffee into his system. This is interesting, Bea thought, looking around the table. You learned a lot about people when you ate with them. Chase broke his bacon into pieces and mixed it with his eggs, and Gavin, who she'd seen so little of before now, read at the table. "That's rude, Gav," Bailey scolded. She reached over and closed the book-much to Gavin's annoyance-then glanced over at Bea and Ethan. "So, big brother, how was your night?" Ethan glanced up sharply. "Why?" he asked, gazing at her warily. "Well, I heard you were being a jerk," Bailey explained, grinning at him. "I went to see if Bea was in the room, and if she was okay." Bailey's dark eyes, so like her brother's, were alight with mischief. "I thought maybe you guys were asleep, because you didn't answer. Although I did hear something... did you leave the T.V. on?" All eyes were on them, now. She wasn't sure which was worse; Gabriel's raised eyebrows or Chase's wolfish grin. I guess we know who knocked, Bea thought, glancing at Ethan. She smiled at him sheepishly. Bailey was the picture of innocent curiosity, but she wasn't buying it. For once she was grateful that she'd never had siblings, older or younger, to deal with. At least Bea was rather open about what she did and mostly comfortable. Ethan squirmed like a hyperactive child. "Something like that," he grumbled, toying with a piece of toast. "Try not to do that every night," Gabriel said wryly. "If I get complaints from the people in the rooms next to you, I'm not going to be happy." Even Bea blushed at that. I guess we'll have to... keep it down or something, she thought, staring down at her plate. She wasn't usually embarrassed by this sort of thing, but this was a little different. Her relationship with Ethan was special, more so even than her one with Alanna had ever been. Underneath the table Bea sought his hand with hers. When he wrapped his fingers around hers and squeezed, she flashed him a quick smile. I guess know I know how Alanna was feeling, she thought, when things really started getting serious between her and Drake. As interesting as their relationship might be, the Wolfes were more interested in breakfast. When their attention was no longer on them, Ethan raised her hand to his mouth and gently kissed her knuckles. This is going to be the best vacation ever, Bea decided, smiling at him. Even with the annoying nosiness. She stuck her tongue out at Alanna, who was watching closely, and both of them dissolved into laughter. ------- "Come on, Ethan!" Pausing on the porch ringing the hotel restaurant, Ethan watched Bea race across the sand. She's been like this all week, he thought, watching as she crashed playfully through the waves. I suppose fair is fair. She tires me out by day, I tire her out by night. And vice versa, too. Being on vacation with Bea was certainly an experience. They'd gone skiing (or attempted to), scuba-diving, and parasailing; three things he'd never done before. Ethan liked trying new things, but since they'd been out all day, shopping with Alanna and Drake, he was hoping for a quiet evening. Still, watching her, he couldn't help but smile. She'd let her hair down, and it flew like a banner as she splashed around, a faint wind whipping it around her face. Bea wore a pair of jean shorts and a string-backed halter-top in forest green; simple, but she looked amazing nonetheless. Ethan grinned when she turned to him and beckoned. He shook his head. There was no way he was going to get too close to her when she was in this mood. He had no desire to get soaking wet right now. "Come on!" Bea called again. "Don't be such a bum!" "What's wrong with wanting to stay dry?" Ethan called back, as he stepped down off the porch and headed towards her. "Why don't we go for a walk?" She pouted at him. It was so cute that he laughed outright. He watched her wade out of the ocean, wet almost to the bottom of her shorts, and licked his lips, staring as water ran in rivulets down her bare legs. Bea reached his side and he automatically put an arm around her, pulling her against him. They started down the beach together in companionable silence, Ethan matching his stride to hers. I'm actually pretty tired, he thought, stifling a yawn. Maybe we'll just go directly to bed tonight... Yeah, that was pretty unlikely. "So... what's going to happen, when we go back?" Bea asked, her voice quiet. Ethan glanced at her. "What do you mean?" "Well, you and I," Bea explained, looking up at him. He was surprised to see worry and uncertainty in her eyes. "I mean... what are we?" "Us," Ethan answered simply. He hadn't really thought about it before saying it; it was just what he felt. Bea seemed to understand what he meant, because she smiled and snuggled close to his side. It had been a long time since Ethan had thought along the lines of an 'us'. Not since Andrea, he thought, toying with Bea's windblown hair. Damnit... I should tell her, but... It seemed like the only blight on their relationship. The thing was, she didn't ever pry. He liked that she allowed him his privacy. Still, he couldn't help feeling a bit of dread at what she'd think when he finally told her. There were quite a few people on the beach, but since it was starting to get dark, people were clearing out of some areas. Eventually they wandered onto a stretch where they could see no one in either distance. Ethan paused and looked out over the water, where the sun was beginning to set. "As much as I miss home," Bea said, "I'll definitely be sad to go." "Well, we should come back some day," Ethan told her. He bent and kissed her temple gently. "Maybe even next summer." Bea chuckled softly. She turned into him, standing on her toes to get her arms around his neck. "For someone who took months to kiss me," she teased, "you're adapting to this relationship rather well." "It's worth it," Ethan said quietly, lowering his mouth to hers. Her mouth was so sweet beneath his. And he was an unsuspecting chump; when he was too absorbed to realize what she was doing, she took the opportunity to poke at his sides. Bea had discovered, over the course of the vacation, that he was ticklish. Ethan released her and jumped back. She was just as ticklish as he was, if not more so, and he grabbed her, dragging her against his chest and pinning her arms against her sides. Bea shrieked and struggled as he tickled her. Laughing, he dragged her backward until he was hip deep in the water. "I thought you said you didn't want to get wet!" Bea complained. The water was nearly to her waist. "I changed my mind," Ethan said, grinning. He turned his head in time to avoid a large wave of water. Laughing, Ethan waded back further. Even up to his chest, he had no problem reaching the bottom. Bea, on the other hand, had to tread water to keep her head above the surface. She still tried to splash him, but wasn't all that successful; she nearly went under every time she tried. Finally Ethan grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to shore. They dropped together onto the sand, still half in the water, both trying to get the upper hand. In the end, Bea surrendered, when he got her hands pinned above her head, holding them in place easily with only one of his. Instead of tickling her, though, Ethan kissed her. She was breathless when he finally released her. Grinning down at her, he tweaked her nose gently. "You know, I never noticed before," Bea said, "but you are a great big goofball." "Yeah," Ethan agreed, pushing himself to his feet. He reached down and helped her up. "But you like me that way." Bea grinned. "I do. And I'll like you even more if you carry me back..." She's lucky she's so damn cute, Ethan thought, turning his back towards her. Otherwise I'd never put up with this. As it was, he ended up carrying her piggyback all the way back to the hotel. Not that he actually minded, though. In truth, it was a very nice feeling, the warmth of her breath tickling his neck, and her arms around his shoulders. A part of me doesn't ever want to go home, Ethan thought, tilting his head to rub his cheek against hers. I just want to stay here with her. ------- There was only one thing better than a nice, hot shower after a long, active day. Bea leaned against Ethan, sighing softly as he ran a loofah down over her belly. It was a wonderful and yet difficult thing to take a shower with him. His free hand traveled down the side of her body, following the path of water and soapsuds down over her hip. She would have told him to knock it off, but his mouth was around her earlobe, making it hard to get out anything other than soft, incoherent noises. Of course, part of the problem was that she didn't really want Ethan to stop. He did finally release her ear, making it somewhat easier for her to breathe. But his fingers were ever active, tracing their way slowly back up over her belly. The loofah was completely forgotten, dropped to the floor of the shower. "What's gotten into you?" Bea asked, giving a breathless squeak as his hands cupped her breasts. "Damned if I know," Ethan murmured. "I can't help it, you know. It's all your fault." Bea laughed. "Me?" she demanded. "How is it my fault?" She shrieked in surprise as he pinned her against the wall. "You're the one who told me to give into my urges," Ethan reminded her. "I'm only doing what you told me to." "You are a Wolfe man to the bone, you know that?" Bea teased. He pressed against her. Laughing, Bea braced her hands against the wall and pushed back. She shivered as he ran a hand down over her belly and between her legs. I knew what I was getting myself into, she thought, moaning softly as he teased her clit. Yet I guess I didn't quite believe he had it in him. Ethan was turning out to be even more of a handful than Alanna had. "Not fair," Bea panted, leaning her head back against his shoulder. "Oh, come on, Ethan..." His hands covered hers on the shower wall. Bea felt his lips brush the back of her neck and shoulders, even as he slid inside her. Her fingernails scraped the tiles. It was quick, animalistic... glorious, as far as she was concerned. She relished the feeling of Ethan's teeth closing on her shoulder and his body thrusting into hers. Bea's cries were muffled against the tile, but they were loud nonetheless, louder still when she came. She felt languid afterward and lounged against Ethan as they finished showering. He was quiet the whole while, and as they dried off afterward, as well. Bea glanced at his face, but she couldn't tell if anything was bothering him. It wasn't until they were settled on the bed, wrapped only in towels, that he spoke. She was brushing his hair for him; she didn't know who enjoyed it more, herself or him. "I'm sorry," Ethan said quietly. "I really don't know what's gotten into me lately." "Well it just so happens that I like it," Bea told him. "Quite a bit, in fact." He half-turned and raised his eyebrows at her. "Oh really?" "It just so happens, Ethan Wolfe," Bea said, dropping the brush and taking his face in her hands, "that I like everything about you." His dark eyes glowed with warmth and pleasure. Ethan's hands caught her waist as he turned fully to face her and she tumbled back onto the bed, laughing softly. Damp strands of dark hair hung around his face and a few tickled her nose. –Bea wrapped her arms around him and lifted her head slightly, meeting his mouth with hers. There is nothing in the world better than this, she thought, sighing as he rested against her, his head on her chest. Absolutely nothing. ------- It must have been three in the morning, at least. The hotel had a lounge and it was mostly quiet. Unable to sleep and not wanting to wake Ethan, Bea had come down to sit and think. She was surprised-though only a little-to find Chase and Bailey there, sitting on overstuffed cushions in the far corner. Bailey caught sight of her and motioned her over. Since she had nothing else to do, and she really enjoyed Bailey's company, Bea headed over. Chase looked up as she approached and grinned at her. He is fucking adorable, Bea thought, biting back a grin. Just 'adorable' didn't work for a guy like Chase. He flicked his hair back out of his eyes and patted his lap, but she just shook her head. Cute as he was, she found Ethan much more to her tastes. Chase struck her as being too casual and irresponsible. I hope, for his sake, that that doesn't last, Bea thought, settling down next to Bailey. Or that he find someone-or even something-that gives him something to be responsible about. "Where's your other half?" Bailey teased, smiling warmly. Bea's eyebrows rose. "My other half, huh?" "You two have been like a couple of newlyweds," Chase told her. "It's pretty disgusting, actually." Bea stuck her tongue out at him. In return, he waggled his eyebrows lasciviously. I might be jumping the gun a little, she thought, but he'd be one hell of a fun brother-in-law. As much as she adored Alastair and Quinn, well... the former was usually too busy and the latter was beyond a shadow of a doubt too grumpy. Maybe he shouldn't lose too much of his irresponsible attitude, Bea thought. It would be a crying shame if he ever became boring. "I think it's cute," Bailey said, wrinkling her nose at her brother. "I haven't seen Ethan this happy in years." "Lucky bastard," Chase muttered. "I wish I'd gone for it before my brother got to you..." "I'm kind of surprised you didn't," Bea admitted, nudging him with her foot. In truth, she would have been hard pressed to resist Chase, back before she'd gotten close to Ethan. "What stopped you?" "Chase talks big," Bailey said, "but he's very faithful, aren't you, Chase? Although why you're faithful to that hell spawned Whore of Satan is anyone's guess." Bea's eyebrows shot up. She didn't know what was more shocking: Bailey calling anyone a Whore of Satan or Chase having a girlfriend. Well, she wouldn't have been surprised if he'd had several girlfriends, but only one? Maybe I should apologize, she thought, watching Chase. I guess I kind of assumed, the same way people do about me. Then again, he did often give the impression of wanting people to assume that way. "She's not that bad," Chase said, lounging back lazily on the cushion. He glanced at Bea and, taking in her bemused expression, grinned. "It's true. I keep it quiet, cause... well, cause she's kind of bitchy, but I've been seeing her almost since we moved here. Only Bailey knows." "Seems to me Bailey knows everything," Bea said, turning a curious looking on the grinning Bailey. "So, what, it's like... serious?" "Sometimes," Chase answered, matching Bailey's grin. Bea threw back her head and laughed. I like these two, she decided, I like them a lot. She liked Elijah and Sydney, although it was different, with people her own age or closer to it. And then there's Gavin, she thought, the enigma. God, like the family needed another one of those. She hoped he wasn't quite as moody as Quinn. Bea really wanted to get to know all of them, eventually. "I just don't understand why you're still dating her," Bailey was saying. "You hardly even like her!" She straightened and pointed a finger at him. "And don't you dare say it's because the sex is good or because she's loaded!" "Well, it is," Chase said, leaning backwards to fend off his sister's half-hearted punch. "And she is. Come on, Bailey, leave off, would you?" Some things are all relative, Bea thought, smiling as she watched the two of them banter back and forth. No pun intended. She felt better now. At first, as she'd laid awake next to Ethan, she'd found herself wondering if she could possibly fit into his life, with his wonderful family and everything. I was just feeling sorry for myself, Bea thought, swatting away a tossed throw pillow. But I won't anymore. ------- Chapter 16: The Wolfe Pup "This is really pretty." Bea reached out and took the conk shell back from Sada. Three o' clock in the morning and she, Alanna, Bailey, Xandri, and Sydney were keeping the mother-to-be company. Alastair had traveled out of town for a few days, to speak with a potential backer for his dance troupe. He was not in the least bit happy about it, but it was the only opportunity he was going to get. As a whole the girls had pledged to watch over Sada, which was why Bea was on her couch at this ungodly hour. "Ethan bought it for me," Bea explained, cradling the conk shell in her hands. "I was admiring it but I didn't want to buy something so frivolous, so he did instead." Sada smiled. "That's nice," she said. Then she frowned. "But it makes me miss Alastair!" "He'll be back tomorrow," Xandri reminded her, taking a seat across from them. "I still can't believe Quinn offered to go with him." I can, Bea thought, but I guess he does make it hard to see. Quinn was worried about his brother. Sada was having contractions-although much too far apart to have her in the hospital just yet-and Alastair was almost crazy with worry. The doctor was a little less concerned. Amazingly enough, he was the same doctor that had delivered Alanna and the twins; albeit a good deal older, now. Apparently the twins had been rather stubborn about being delivered. Also, with the history of miscarriage in Alanna's side of the family, the doctor had wanted to avoid undue stress as much as possible. "All right, Syn, why don't you break out those pictures?" Bailey suggested. "Took the damn things long enough to get here." "Pictures?" Bea asked, curious. "Prom," Sydney explained. Her voice was quiet and shy, which surprised Bea. A few minutes later she understood. Sydney didn't really have the time for a boyfriend this year, between school and dancing. She hadn't made a lot of friends, either, so she'd had no one to go to prom with. However, she wasn't alone in these pictures; Connor was with her. Cute, Bea thought, studying a picture of both of the twins with their dates. She hoped the petite blonde that clung to Elijah's arm was a smart as she was pretty. He didn't seem the sort to date anyone simply for their looks. "That's so sweet," Alanna cooed, grinning at Sydney. "See, didn't we tell you he likes you?" "I didn't want a pity date," Sydney grumbled. She sat with her legs pulled up to her chest, staring at her toes. "It was not a pity date," Bailey said firmly. "And besides," Bea added, "you should be grateful. I never even got to go to my prom..." Why do I say things like that? she wondered, as they all looked at her. I know it's just going to make me the center of attention. Actually, Alanna knew that, since neither of them had gone. They'd consider, half-heartedly, going together, but had opted out. I can't think of anything less appealing than spending the night around a bunch of teenagers who can't dance, listening to bad pop music, Bea thought, wrinkling her nose. She would have said as much, too, but she got the feeling they would all see through that, anyway. "You know, I didn't either," Sada put in. "Me either," Xandri said, frowning. "Well, looks like Syn and Bailey are the only ones among us to have that pleasure." "Oh, not me," Bailey said, shaking her head. "You see, my date and I thought it would be amusing to trade places. I wore the tux, he wore the dress. The school was not at all amused, though. They kicked us out." Bea's eyebrows rose. "Really? Are they allowed to do that?" "It was a short dress," Bailey explained, grinning. Bea laughed with the rest of them, but inside she didn't feel so amused. Did Ethan go to the prom? she wondered. He must have, if he was with the same person for so long. It sent a longing through her that surprised her. It would have been nice to go, if she'd had someone like Ethan. Don't you dare start feeling sorry for yourself, Bea thought, frowning. You're supposed to have gotten over that. Still, she couldn't help wondering about it. What had Ethan even looked like, at eighteen? Maybe, she thought, when this night is over, I'll ask Bailey to show me some pictures... ------- Ethan watched Bea drop down onto the couch with an exhausted sigh. Bailey dropped down next to her and Sydney fell unceremoniously into the armchair. He took a stand behind Bea and began rubbing her shoulders. Tired as she was, she tilted her head back to look at him, and gave him a smile that filled him with warmth. Ethan knew she'd stayed up with Sada all night. They had only just gotten back from the hospital, leaving Xandri and Alanna behind with Sada. "She is going to have that baby very soon," Bailey said, slumping down on the couch. "Where the hell are Alastair and Quinn?" Gabriel, who was standing near the entry to the kitchen, holding a phone, cleared his throat. "Stuck," he said. "There's a huge traffic jam on the highway and they have no clue how long before it clears up." "I would not want to be in that car right now," Bea said, raising her eyebrows. "How's Alastair taking it?" "Quinn is ready to kill him," Gabriel said, smiling wryly. I'd be upset, too, Ethan thought, if I was stuck on the highway and couldn't get to my wife when she was giving birth. He continued rubbing Bea's shoulders and her neck; there was really nothing he could do here, anyway. This is kind of jumping the gun, he thought, but it would be fascinating to see what our children would look like. Ethan actually liked the idea quite a bit, but maybe it was something he should keep to himself for now. The phone rang again. Gabriel picked it up and took it into the kitchen, leaving the rest of them to wonder. I'm feeling anxious, Ethan thought, I can't imagine how Alastair must be feeling. That's who he thought was on the phone, but a moment later Gabriel came back out of the kitchen, making a beeline for the front door. Aislinn appeared in the entryway to the kitchen, clutching the phone, looking a little dazed and very excited. "Where are you going?" Bea asked, lifting her head. "Is it Sada?" Gabriel nodded. "She's having her baby," he replied. "I know Alastair would want me there. Follow as soon as you can!" A good man, Ethan thought, watching his cousin race out the door. Bea was right... I could only hope to be half as good as he is. For a moment they all sat in silence and none of them seemed to have any idea what to do. Then Bea sprang to her feet. Startled, Ethan stepped back from her. He wouldn't have expected her to have that much energy left. "Car keys," Bea said, holding out at her hand. Baffled, Ethan pointed to the hook by the door where all the Wolfes left their keys. Without explanation, Bea grab them from the hook and raced outside. Everyone, including Bailey and Sydney-despite being tired-followed him to the door to see what she was doing. Her camera, Ethan realized almost immediately. She'd left it in his backseat the night before. Bea grabbed the camcorder and ran over to Gabriel, who had also seen what she was doing and sat on his bike, waiting for her. He couldn't help the foolish jealousy that arose in him when he saw Bea wrap her arms around Gabriel. Of course she had to hold on, but it made him jealous, nonetheless. Ethan turned away from the door and headed back into the living room. Bailey caught his eye as he walked past her and smiled. Right, he thought, I'm being silly. Right now what was important was Sada. "So, are we all going?" Aislinn asked, planting her hands on her hips and looking around the room. "The hospital found us annoying enough before we added six more to our number." Bailey laughed. "And now we're going to add another," she said, grinning. "Why don't you and Ethan go? The rest of us we'll wait here for Quinn to call again, so we can let him know what's going on." "All right," Aislinn agreed. "We'll call you as soon as we know something. Come on, Ethan." This time it seems to be the Wolfe women taking charge, Ethan thought, hiding a grin as he followed Aislinn out to the minivan. They were much more level-headed, the women of this family. Hopefully they'd be able to calm Alastair down before he got to the hospital. There never seems to be a moment of peace and quiet, when it comes to this family, Ethan thought. At least I know I'll never be bored. ------- For all she was dead on her feet and her ears were still ringing, Bea felt good. She held her camcorder in her lap and fiddled with the lens cap, feeling a little dazed. Alastair and Quinn should get here any minute, she thought, biting her lip. Oh god, this is so exciting... It amazed her that the family had managed to (mostly) keep itself seated and calm. Gabriel was pacing, which seemed to have the staff a little nervous. Xandri had gone outside, to call Bailey on her cell phone and to wait for Quinn and Alastair. Across from where she sat, the doctor was having a quick, quiet chat with Aislinn. He had to be getting into his late sixties, although it showed mostly in his face; his hands looked strong and steady. Bea watched curiously as the doctor rose. He paused long enough to say something to Gabriel, too quiet to hear, and to shake his hand, then he left the waiting room. How does he feel, now that he's a grandfather? she wondered, watching Gabriel try to settle in the chair next to Aislinn. Voices down the hall alerted them all to Alastair and Quinn's arrival. The two of them approached, walking side by side. If they could see themselves, Bea thought, fighting a grin, they'd probably be irritated. They looked so much alike, despite Alastair being a bit more muscular and his hair being longer and messier. It was the expression on their faces, completely identical. Quinn looked as if he was just as nervous. He's concerned, Bea thought, for Alastair's sake. "How is she?" Alastair asked, as soon as he reached them. Gabriel and Aislinn both stood. "Calm down," Gabriel said, smiling gently. "She's just fine. You can go see her right now, in fact." Alastair blanched. "What if she's mad at me for not being there?" Gabriel threw up his hands and rolled his eyes. Bea, who had also been there through the whole birth, chuckled. She handed her camera to Ethan and rose from the chair. He caught her hand, drawing it to his mouth and giving her knuckles a light kiss, then released her. Smiling to herself, Bea approached Alastair and put an arm around him casually. He looked down-all the way down, for he was a good deal taller-at her and smiled nervously. "She's pretty pissed at me for wielding the video camera," Bea told him. "I'll go with you... then at least she won't be able to decide who to be mad at." Alastair laughed at that. He looked a little reassured, but not much. Bea remembered pretty easily which room Sada was in, so she began leading him down the hall. To her surprise he stopped halfway down and turned to stare impatiently over his shoulder. What the heck? Bea wondered, peering around him curiously. Her eyebrows rose when she saw Quinn coming down the hall. He managed to keep his face expressionless, but she knew how much it must have meant to him, that Alastair thought to invite him along. He'd be the only one who hadn't seen the baby, otherwise. "Well... here we are," Alastair said, as they paused outside the door of the hospital room. "So um... I uh... is it a boy or a girl... ? No one would tell me." "Stop stalling and go see for yourself," Bea teased, giving him a push towards the door. "We'll follow in a minute, dad." "But... but you said..." Alastair protested weakly, even as he headed into the room. Quinn looked at her, eyebrows raised, but he didn't say anything. He was smart enough to realize that Sada and Alastair should have at least a few minutes alone. Damnit, Bea thought, biting her lip. The photographer in me is so pissed at not being able to capture this moment. No doubt it would be touching, Alastair seeing the baby for the first time. And she truly doubted that Sada was going to be angry. When they'd left her she'd been tired but very happy. "Pretty exciting," Quinn said quietly. He stared off down the hall, affecting a stance that was all too familiar to her. Bea sighed. "Quinn, today is not the day for the jealous brother act," she told him. "I'm not jealous!" Quinn retorted, looking at her sharply. His shoulder slumped. "Well, maybe I am... but it's not like... it's not quite like that... I mean..." "I understand," Bea said softly. And she did, too. She and Quinn had always connected on some level, no doubt because of the similarities in their pasts. It had been that very thing that had started up their relationship. Odd, to think that I could have been the one with him, Bea thought, leaning against the wall just outside the door. Maybe if circumstances were a little different... But they weren't, and now both of them had someone in their lives who was too important to let go of. "I don't think she wants to have a family with me," Quinn said quietly. "She does," Bea assured him. "Trust me... talk to her first, okay? And now, Uncle Quinn, let's go meet your niece." "A girl?" Quinn asked, as she pushed him through the door. "Really?" Bea hung back and watched him approach the hospital bed. Alastair was sitting on the edge of the bed, one arm around Sada, his head resting against hers. I feel a bit like I'm intruding, she thought, but I can't help it. It was hard not to watch. Alastair looked up as Quinn approached, and she caught a glimpse of his eyes, brightly lit and glossy. If he looked like he'd been crying, no one said anything about it. He always was a big baby, Bea thought, smiling. She could feel tears stinging her eyes, too. Alastair beckoned her over, as well. She went over and perched on the edge of the bed, watching as Quinn carefully took the baby from Sada. I think the world is ending, Bea thought. Seeing these two like this... god, they've changed. It was amazing that only a few years ago Alastair had been reckless and irresponsible and Quinn had been reclusive and bitter. "So, what are you going to name her?" Bea asked. She could see the baby's bright green eyes clearly from where she sat. "Odelia," Alastair and Sada answered together. Bea raised her eyebrows and looked at Quinn. "Dare I ask?" "They're only going to get more annoyingly lovey-dovey as the minutes tick on," Quinn answered distractedly. He was busy trying to very carefully extract his finger from Odelia's. "Might as well, but be prepared for stomach churning cotton candy sweetness." Alastair gave his brother an amused look, then turned back to Bea. "From Swan Lake," he explained. "It was my first ballet." "And mine," Sada added, grinning. "For awhile I hated it, because of what happened when I was younger. But I might not have met Alastair if it wasn't for that very disastrous Swan Lake performance." "Okay, my turn, Uncle Quinn," Bea teased. She went around to his side of the bed and he shifted Odelia carefully-and reluctantly, it seemed-into her arms. You are one lucky baby, Bea thought, staring down into her wide green eyes. What I wouldn't give to be as lucky as you. Then again, maybe she was, in the end. Her real parents had been lousy, but Gabriel and Aislinn were the best surrogate parents a girl could hope for. And if her life had been different, Bea wouldn't be here now, sharing this moment. She and Quinn left shortly after that, to give them a bit more time alone. It was easy to see that Sada was exhausted and needed to get some rest. They found the waiting room still full of Wolfe family members. Surprisingly, Quinn went straight to Xandri. He whispered something in her ear and she rose, following him out of the waiting room. Doesn't waste time, does he? Bea thought, as she headed back towards Ethan. When she reached him he set her camera aside and pulled her down into his lap. "You look like you need sleep," Ethan said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Why don't you stay at my place tonight, hmm?" "You are a saint," Bea told him. She sank against him wearily. "So, how was it?" Ethan asked. "Did they name her?" Suddenly all attention was on the two of them. "Odelia," Bea said, laughing. "They named her Odelia." "She's going to hate them for that when she's a teenager," Alanna said, grinning. Bea chuckled. For as long as she could remember she had hated her parents for naming her Beatrice. Overall, Odelia wasn't really that bad, even if it was rather unusual. No doubt the most trouble she'd have would be teachers who couldn't spell it or pronounce it. Much better than having that popular, overly developed girl call you 'Beatle-trice', Bea thought wryly. Nothing sucks more than being a chubby prepubescent kid with a lousy name. "It's probably time we got going," Gabriel said, rising from his chair. "At least for a little while. Prepare for the homecoming and all." "Not to mention everyone is probably tired and hungry," Aislinn added. "And I'm sure the rest of the family is curious about what's going on." "Let's go, then," Ethan said. He helped Bea from his lap and stood, gathering her video camera for her. It was ever so nice to have someone to lean against. The day was catching up with her, along with the fact that she hadn't slept in more than twenty-four hours. "Ethan!" Startled, they both looked up to see a tall, brunette woman running towards them. Bea blinked, at first uncertain; then she realized it really was Jill. Shouts followed her, nurses, doctors and staff all annoyed by the disturbance, but that didn't stop her. Looking at her, Bea couldn't help a feeling of dread. As soon as Jill was close enough, she saw that the other woman's eyes were red and puffy from crying. "What's wrong?" Ethan asked, taking her by the shoulders. "Jill... hey, look at me." "It's... it's Aria," she stammered, her voice choked. "She... oh, Ethan, you have to come!" "What... Jill, tell me what's wrong!" Ethan exclaimed. "Just come on," Jill insisted, tugging on him. Ethan glanced back at Bea for a moment, then followed Jill down the hall. Oh god, Bea thought, sinking down into a chair. Now what? She didn't know if she could deal with more pain. Looking up, she saw Gabriel watching her, his dark eyes full of concern. He and Aislinn sat down at either side of her. She found herself glad that they, at least, hadn't left yet. I just need a minute, Bea thought, sucking in a deep breath. Just a minute... then I have to go find out what's wrong. ------- Chapter 17: From Long Ago Ethan felt numb. He wasn't quite sure whether it was relief or shock. On the one hand, once he'd gotten Jill calmed down enough, he found out that Aria wasn't seriously hurt. On the other hand... God, why is this happening? he wondered, reaching up and rubbing his temples. An hour ago the world was a safe, happy place, and now... He glanced into the room where Aria was, sitting on a hospital bed and talking to a female nurse. She seemed all right, as far as he could tell. "I just can't believe it," Jill said. She was sitting down on a chair that had been brought for her. "I thought... I've known Roger for... god, since I started working there. He's been there for years." "Years?" Bea, who was standing just a few feet away, frowned. "And you've had no trouble before now?" "It's... it's hard to tell," Jill stammered, her voice harsh and ragged. "I mean, we get a lot of trouble cases. That's why we thought... Ellery... oh god..." Ethan felt his stomach lurch. Jill had been so hysterical over Aria; when the doctors had given them the news about Ellery she had broken down again. It was bad enough, what Roger had tried to do to Aria. The evidence that he had been abusing Ellery for months made Ethan feel sick. I was there the whole time, he thought, and I didn't even notice. The guilt was so bad that it made his chest constrict. He should have paid better attention. It was a cruel irony, he thought, that the thing that limited Aria in so much had been what had protected her. Whatever had set Roger off and made him so careless, it also seemed to make it hard for him to deal with her braces. I'm going to be sick, Ethan thought, swaying on his feet. He couldn't even think of the details; didn't want to think of them. They'd told him everything and it would haunt him for the rest of his life. "I just don't understand it," Jill said, looking up at Ethan. "I mean... it was your cousin Gabriel that recommended him all those years ago." Bea gasped. From the corner of his eye Ethan saw the color drain from her face. Concerned, he caught her around the waist, pulling her against him; she looked like she might faint. She's trembling, he thought, holding her tighter. Why? And if Bea reacted this way, what was everyone else going to do? Ethan didn't know how he was going to explain any of this to the rest of the family. "Jill... do you have... records of some sort?" Bea asked, easing herself out of his arms. "Maybe... a picture?" "I think so," Jill replied, frowning. "Back at the home. Why?" Bea hesitated. "I um... I'll explain on the way..." she said quietly. "Ethan, maybe you should check up on Aria..." For a long moment Ethan just stared after Bea, confused. Never before had she failed to tell him the truth about something. He watched her and Jill walk off down the hospital corridor. She'll tell me, he thought, turning back to the room Aria was in. She's always been honest with me... she's just upset right now. Still, it made him uneasy. He might have gone after her, if he wasn't so concerned for Aria. Ethan stepped into the room, quietly and cautiously. Even then she must have heard him, because her head snapped up, her eyes darting immediately towards the door. It killed him, to see that look in her eyes. She smiled tentatively as he approached, her blue eyes unsure. It's a good thing they carted him off to jail, Ethan thought, as he sat down in a chair next to the bed. Otherwise they'd be carting me off to jail for murdering the bastard. He'd never really been the angry, temperamental sort, but he was more than ready to pull Roger apart limb from limb... slowly. "You don't have to look at me like that, Ethan," Aria said quietly, startling him. His eyebrows rose. "Like what?" he asked. "Like... like I'm gonna break or something," she grumbled, scowling at him. "I'm not... there's nothing wrong with me..." She was a brave little thing, no doubt about it. Oh lord, Ethan thought, she does that same grumpy growly thing Bea does when she doesn't want to admit that something's wrong. He reached out a hand to her and waited patiently until she placed her fingers against his palm. As long as Aria trusted him, he knew he could help her get through this. Ethan smiled when she looked up at him, no longer scowling. "I saw Bea with you," Aria said, a hint of her usual mischievousness in her voice. Ethan groaned. "Don't you start," he said, reaching over and ruffling her hair. "Yes, Bea was here. The whole family, in fact. Sada had her baby." "Ooo!" Aria's eyes lit up. "Is it a boy or a girl? Can I go see? Please?" Bounces back quick, doesn't she? Ethan thought wryly. He took a quick glance around the room and noticed that her crutches hadn't been brought to the hospital yet. Aria usually preferred to walk when she could, rather than be carried or use a wheelchair, and it was a pretty easy trip to the other side of the hospital complex. Still, Ethan thought, neither she or Sada is going to be here very long and they should both be resting right now. "I'll tell you what," Ethan said. "As soon as she and the baby get settled down at home, I'll take you for a visit." He chuckled at her pout, and added, "It's a girl, by the way." "Okay," Aria conceded, sighing. "So um... why did Bea leave?" "I'm not sure," Ethan answered, frowning. He shrugged it off. "I'm sure she'll tell me. She always does." Aria smiled slyly. "You sound like you're in love with her." As usual she was just too observant for her own good. Ethan shook his head, but he couldn't help a good-humored chuckle. He heard echoing laughter behind him and half-turned to see a woman standing the doorway. A tall brunette, somewhere in her mid-thirties, she'd been pointed out to him as Laurie Whitman, a psychiatrist who dealt with victims of sexual abuse, young and old. She's waiting for me, Ethan realized. He turned back to Aria, who had drooped a bit at the woman's appearance. Taking a deep breath, he leaned towards her. "That's because I am," he whispered. Before she could say anything he was on his feet. Glancing back at her, he grinned. "I'll be back shortly," he assured her, "so don't look so gloomy, munchkin." She stuck her tongue out at him; Aria wasn't a big fan of being called 'munchkin'. Laurie Whitman laughed again, quietly, and motioned him out of the hospital room. He hadn't gotten a chance before now to talk to her, since she'd been with Ellery. I don't even know if I can deal with hearing how that went, Ethan thought, sighing inwardly. It will be difficult enough, to hear what she has to say about Aria. He was hoping his impression, that the little girl would be all right eventually, wasn't just wishful thinking. "So you're Ethan," Laurie said, smiling at him. "I've heard quite a bit about you." Ethan grinned. "Some of it good, I hope." "Indeed," Laurie assured him. She continued walking down the hall, and he followed. "It's good to see that Aria has people who care about her so much. She's a real fighter, that one, but this will still be difficult on her." "Will she be all right?" Ethan asked. "Eventually," Laurie replied, smiling. "Since there was no penetration-" Ethan held up his hand, cutting her off. I did not need to hear that... again, he thought, stopping and leaning heavily against the corridor wall. It had been bad enough the first time, when they had explained to him what she had-and had not-gone through at Roger's hands. He hadn't been able to listen to what they had found out about Ellery. Laurie smiled at him sympathetically; no doubt she dealt with this sort of thing often enough. Although Ethan wondered if parents handled this better than he was handling it. "She will be okay," Laurie said, her voice firm but gentle. "Her trust has been bruised a little, but with her tenacity, and people in her life who love her, she should pull through it just fine. However..." "Ellery," Ethan sighed. Laurie nodded slowly. How are we ever going to convince Ellery to trust us again? Ethan wondered. I wish I'd noticed when there was still a chance to do something... Then again, he hadn't even been at the home when she'd first arrived. And when he'd first begun working with Aria, he had only gone on Fridays. So much had been going on in his life... but that didn't change the fact that he felt guilty. There must be something I can do, Ethan thought, but what? ------- It was probably a stupid plan. Bea knew that, but it seemed like the best way to her. Ethan had been uncertain, when she'd explained it to him, but he'd agreed to go along with it. They had explained a little of what had happened at the hospital to the rest of the family, excepting Alastair and Sada; Bea had had no desire to overshadow the birth of Odelia. In the end it was only she and Ethan, Alanna and Drake, and Aislinn and Gabriel who gathered in the kitchen. I hope this whole thing doesn't explode, Bea thought, glancing around at them. She clutched the manila folder Jill had given to her, still feeling uncertain. They didn't know why she'd asked to talk to them all. She hadn't told them about her suspicions, or that this even had anything to do with what had happened to Aria, although they probably expected it. At least Lonnie seems to be handling this well, Bea thought, watching her friend pouring herself a glass of iced tea. If this had freaked her out, I don't think I'd be able to do this. "So is everything all right?" Alanna asked, approaching the table. "With Ari, I mean." "The doctor says she thinks she'll be fine," Ethan answered. His voice was quiet and he didn't look up when he spoke. "At least they caught the guy who did it," Gabriel grumbled. "What is that?" Here goes nothing, Bea thought, setting the folder on the table. Her stomach was in knots, but she did it anyway. For a moment, after she flipped the folder open, there was nothing but silence, and she thought she must have been wrong. Then it seemed as if the whole world erupted. There was a shattering sound, as Alanna's glass hit the floor. Aislinn shrieked in surprise, more than likely from the glass and the iced tea that went flying. Gabriel's chair hit the floor, and Bea was glad when Ethan went after him, chasing him into the living room, because she was frozen to the spot. Always reliable, Drake had grabbed hold of Alanna as soon as she'd dropped her glass and pulled her into his arms. Bea watched her friend's shaking shoulders and felt her stomach tighten into a ball of guilt. She could hear Ethan and Gabriel, their voices just angry hisses, but slowly rising in volume. I think I might be sick, she thought, sinking down into an empty chair. But I had to... Alanna had never said who it was who'd raped her all those years ago, even though she knew. Would she have been willing to look, if Bea had told her what her suspicions were? She doubted it. "Don't be stupid!" That was Ethan's voice, raising suddenly. "What the hell do you think you're going to do? The man is locked up, for crying out loud!" "Get out of my way!" Gabriel's voice was a snarl. Bea couldn't remember ever seeing him really angry before, but he sounded furious. "No!" Ethan retorted. "Not one you're being such a big idiot! Even if there was something you could do right at this moment, you have a family to think about! Don't you care about what happens to them?" The silence that followed was terrifying. They all seemed to be holding their breath, even Alanna, who was peeking out from the protection of Drake's arms. Then there came the sound of Gabriel going upstairs, and Ethan appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. He looks a little pale, Bea thought. She would have laughed, if the situation weren't so dire. Instead she watched, wordlessly, as Aislinn followed her husband upstairs. I handled this wrong, Bea thought, glancing around the kitchen. I thought... but I really screwed this up. "Lonnie," Bea said softly, rising from the chair. Slowly, still safe in the shelter of Drake's arms, Alanna turned to face her. "Why didn't you tell me?" "Would you have looked?" Bea asked gently. "Honestly... would you have?" Alanna's silence was answer enough. Still, it took all the courage Bea had to approach her friend. Alanna's pale blue eyes were wary, and that made her feel sick. God, this was stupid, she thought, taking a step back. She came up against Ethan, who rested his hands on her shoulders. Bea was grateful for his presence; he, at least, had understood why she'd made this decision, even if he didn't wholly approve. I couldn't have done this, if I didn't know he'd be here for me, she thought, resting her hands atop his. "You're my friend, and I love you dearly," Bea said quietly. "But it's far past time for you to face the truth. Now you have no choice..." Alanna sighed. "I know... but..." "You aren't alone," Drake murmured in Alanna's ear, tightening his hold on her. "You have me now." Bea felt a small pang of jealousy, quickly stifled. Alanna didn't need her, now that she had Drake. But I have Ethan now, she reminded herself, so I guess I can understand. Ethan, who was being so wonderful, simply waiting quietly and patiently through all this. And this effects him, too, Bea thought, tightening her fingers around his. But he hasn't complained at all. If she hadn't already loved him, this would be enough to win her heart. "I think we'd better go check on dad," Alanna said at last, as she extracted herself from Drake's hold. "I still can't believe Ethan called him an idiot..." Bea frowned. "We? I don't know how happy he's going to be with me right now..." "At least you didn't call him an idiot," Ethan pointed out. Bea caught hold of his face, pulling it down so she could kiss him soundly on the cheek. Since Alanna was going to go face her father, the least she could do would be to go too. It seemed her friend wasn't too angry with her, at least not so much that she wouldn't get over it. She only hoped Gabriel was feeling as benign. Bea had only just realize she was a part of this family. How could she handle it if suddenly he decided he didn't want her around? They found Aislinn and Gabriel in their room. Gabriel lay on the bed, his head pillowed on Aislinn's lap, while she ran her fingers through his hair. Both of them looked up as Bea and Alanna entered the room. It was the first time in her memory that Bea ever thought of Gabriel as middle-aged. He looked tired and careworn, and she suddenly wished she could take the past half hour back. Yet he sat up, brushing his hair back from his face, and gave them his attention. "You know, dad," Alanna said quietly, as she made her way towards the bed, "your guilt-trip is going to change what happened." "He worked for me," Gabriel said. His voice was tight and weary. "He got to you because he worked for me, and he got to those girls because I recommended him to that group home." "Because I never told you," Alanna reminded him. She lifted her chin and Bea felt a flash of pride at her strength. "If it's your fault then it's mine too." "You were a child!" Gabriel protested. Alanna folded her arms over her chest. Like father like daughter, Bea thought wearily, noting the stubborn look on her friend's face. Neither one of them is to blame. Roger is the one who did this. What a twisted, tangled web that was. As she understood it, Roger had originally worked for Gabriel, helping out with his alternative school and most especially, the summer program. At some point, though, he'd decided to leave, and Gabriel had given him a recommendation to the group home, never knowing the reason he'd decided to leave was because of what he'd done to Alanna. Gabriel sighed and threw his hands up. Satisfied, at least for the moment, Alanna took a seat on the bed next to him. Bea glanced at Aislinn, who had remained silent throughout. For all of that, her face was pale and she looked just as weary as Gabriel. "I should have realized something was odd when he decided to leave," Gabriel said, "and you didn't protest at all. The two of you got along so well... but that damned thing with Alastair and Quinn! He said it was getting too stressful for him." "He used it as a cover for his leaving," Alanna confirmed. Gabriel sighed. "Maybe I should have been more careful when I named you," he said, putting an arm around her and pulling her close. "Alanna Mary Wolfe... maybe it was a bad choice." "I don't want to argue anymore over whose fault it is," Alanna said, her voice choked with tears that threatened to come back. "That it was you or me or my name or anything..." Bea watched, feeling like an intruder, as Alanna's parents held her. She was glad that Alanna would be able to deal with this, because she doubted it was over just yet. They had Roger in jail, which was wonderful, but there was still a matter of charging him. I guess I should leave them be, Bea thought, turning for the bedroom door. Behind her someone cleared their throat, and she looked back to see Aislinn gazing at her expectantly. Feeling uncertain, she nonetheless made her way over to the bed and sat down with them. "You're lucky you're too old for me to ground you," Gabriel grumbled. Bea's eyes widened. "Could you have done that? Legally, I mean." "I could have done whatever the hell I wanted," Gabriel said, reaching over and ruffling her hair as if she was a kid. "You cause me way too much damn trouble for me to not claim you as my own." "So you're not angry?" Bea asked hopefully. "Oh, I'm angry," Gabriel assured her. "I'm pretty damn angry, in fact. That was foolish and inconsiderate of you." He sighed and pushed his hair back out of his face, then flashed a very familiar grin. "But now that bastard is in jail and since I can't have the pleasure of slowly eviscerating him, I'll just have to make sure he rots in there." ------- Chapter 18: The Ex-Boyfriend To say that Ethan had been shocked when Bea had asked him to go to church with her on Sunday would have been a great understatement. He'd been even more puzzled when they'd left late, sometime after noon. If we're not going for Mass, he wondered, then why are we going? She wouldn't tell him. Admittedly, he was puzzled about the whole thing. With what was going on with Aria, Ellery, and Alanna, Ethan was feeling pretty stressed out. He didn't know how he would take any sort of weird surprises. He'd only agreed to go because it had seemed to him that Bea really needed him right now. She tried to hide it, but she was upset over this, just as much as he was. We need each other right now, Ethan thought, reaching over and resting his hand on her knee. I have to support her, no matter what. She'd been there for him right along; he wasn't going to fail to be there for her. Bea glanced at him, a smile touching the corners of her mouth, then turned her focus back on the road. She's been so distracted lately, Ethan thought, frowning. That's unlike her. The church was a nice one, painted a tidy white that gleamed in the afternoon sun, and faced in rusty red brick. Ethan leaned against the car for a long moment, staring at it. When Bea reached his side he slid an arm around her, automatically pulling her against him, as if it were an instinct. As distracted as she was, her presence was still a comfort to him. "So, why are we here, exactly?" Ethan asked, as they headed towards the church. "So you can meet my ex," Bea answered simply. Ethan frowned. "Your... wait, what ex? Not... that ex?" "Yes, that ex," Bea said, nodding. She glanced up at him and smiled reassuringly. "You'll understand soon." Understand? he thought, his frown deepening. How am I supposed to understand anything about the man who preyed on my girlfriend when she was only twelve? Bea usually had her reasons for the things she did, though, so he was just going to have to trust her. The church was emptying out by the time they got inside; it was lunch time, after all. Inside was cool and quiet. Bea led him down the middle, towards the end of the rows of benches, where a young-looking priest stood talking to a small, sweet-looking old lady. Ethan watched, puzzled, as the old woman started up the aisle and Bea approached the priest. No, he thought, his eyes widening. No way! The two of them clasped hands, smiling in the warm way of old friends. When Bea beckoned him over, he came hesitantly, not sure how to handle this. Ethan simply didn't know what to think about the fact that she still talked with her old boyfriend-and that he was a priest! The man turned towards him and smiled hesitantly, apparently just as unprepared for this as Ethan himself was. "Ethan, this is Ross," Bea said, moving to his side and sliding an arm around him. "Ross, this is Ethan. I've told you about him." "Yes, you have," Ross agreed, offering a hand to Ethan. "You did not, however, tell me that you were going to bring him to meet me." "That makes two of us," Ethan said wryly, glancing down at Bea. "I thought it might be good for the two of you to talk," Bea explained, her eyes widening in poorly feigned innocence. "Oh come on, would either of you have gone along with it if I'd told you?" "No," they answered in unison. Ross chuckled softly. Ethan imagined the other man's reasons were a bit different from his own, though. It was never pleasant being the ex-boyfriend meeting the new boyfriend and these circumstances were... complicated. He wasn't exactly sure what Bea wanted from him, but he would try, at least. Ethan watched her walk off, leaving the two of them alone together. Well, he thought, if she trusts me not to beat the living daylights out of him then I'll just have to trust that she knows what she's doing. Certainly Ross didn't look that old. He was about thirty, if Ethan's reckoning was correct, although he looked more like twenty-five. His hair was dark, but shorter than he would have expected from someone Bea had dated, and his eyes were a dull brown. You know, he's not even all that good-looking, Ethan thought. I guess she really did have feelings for him, as much as you can at that age. Deep down he hoped that Bea thought of him as being better-looking than Ross, although it wasn't a feeling he was terribly proud of. "So um..." Ethan began uncertainly. "You uh... and Bea..." "I can guess what you're thinking," Ross said. He took a seat on one of the pews and looked up at Ethan. "I have to tell you, though, you are a very lucky man. There aren't too many women in the world who are as understanding and forgiving as Bea." Ethan nodded slowly. "She's wonderful," he agreed, his voice quiet. He didn't really want to sit next to Ross. "Although admittedly I hate it when she does things like this." "You'll get used to it," Ross assured him, his tone dry and amused. "Look... I'm sure there's nothing I can say that will make you like me. I don't blame you, either. It wasn't fair, the way I took advantage of her." Ross leaned back, steepling his hands beneath his chin. "But don't think I didn't care about her. And don't think I don't care about her now." Aren't I supposed to be the one telling him off? Ethan thought, his eyebrows raising. Sheesh, for a priest, he's a bit hostile. Okay, to be fair, he was still a rather young priest. And in Ross' place he might be a bit hostile too, even though he didn't really have much right to be. Bea just affects people like that, Ethan thought, no matter how hard a man tries to remain unaffected. He wondered if she was like that at twelve, too. She definitely struck him as the type he would have ended up with a crush on, back when he was that age. "Is that why you're here?" Ethan asked, gesturing at the interior of the church. "I have my reasons," Ross told him. "And yes, what happened with Bea is one of them. I'm grateful, though, that she's been so forgiving. She's a good friend." "Can I... ask you just one thing?" Ethan spoke hesitantly. "I don't see why not," Ross said, smiling faintly. "I'm sure Bea intended for us to do a bit more than glare at each other." "What was she like at that age?" Ethan asked. "I mean... was she happy?" "To an extent, yes," Ross answered. "In some ways she wasn't so different from how she is now; vibrant, outgoing, intelligent and talented. But to be perfectly honest with you, she was never as happy as she should have been. Certainly not as happy as she is now." Ethan didn't stay much longer; he really didn't have a lot to say to the man. However, he found he could accept Bea's friendship with him, although he couldn't put his finger on exactly why. Maybe I finally got it through my thick skull that I can trust her, he thought, smiling wryly. Damnit, I'm such an ass. It was long past time that he offered her an explanation for his behavior. Tonight, Ethan decided, after we visit Aria and Ellery. Bea was waiting for him in the car. She had the seat back and the music up, humming along to it with her eyes closed and a smile on her face. Grinning, Ethan slid into the passengers' seat and reached over, sliding a hand along her belly. She jumped, her eyes flicking open. Bea laughed when she saw him and straightened, reaching over to pinch his arm. It was a bit of a juvenile scuffle, and Ethan was the one to end it, by grabbing her wrist and pulling her towards him for a kiss. "What was that for?" Bea asked, when he let her go. On impulse he dragged her close again, his lips seeking her ear. "Because I couldn't help it." "Ethan!" Bea dissolved into giggles as his teeth closed gently on her earlobe. "Come on, we promised Aria we'd visit her for lunch today!" Ethan sighed. "All right, all right," he conceded, sitting back in his seat. "I won't even ask why you brought me here today, either." "Just to give you a little perspective," Bea explained, as she started up the car. "I thought it might do you some good to know that there are people who strive to redeem themselves after they've done wrong." ------- "What the hell is going on here!?" It was a very good question, and one to which she couldn't fathom an answer. Bea had been feeling better, after their quick visit with Ross. Although she'd always tried to have empathy for every and any kind of person, her anger with Roger was almost consuming. There were people who would think of Ross as being just as bad as Roger, but the truth was he'd just been a dumb kid, regardless of what the law said. These days, seeing him always seemed to provide Bea with a strange sort of peace. That peace had fled as soon as she'd seen the giant crowd of people surrounding the group home. There were police cars and news vehicles, and Bea had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She climbed out of the car with Ethan, who immediately began trying to push his way through the crowd. The police, who were trying to get the crowd to disperse, stopped him as he approached. What the hell is happening? Bea wondered, coming up quickly beside Ethan. "Ethan!" Bea looked up to see Jill forcing her way through the crowd. The poor woman was at her wits' end these days and at the moment she looked a few seconds off a nervous breakdown. Ethan caught hold of her as she broke free of the crowd and had to practically hold her up. Bea could see that she'd been crying-she cried all the time these days-and her hair was messy, as if she'd been tugging at it and running her fingers through it. "What's going on?" Ethan asked, trying to keep his voice gentle. "What is with all these people?" "Hillary!" Jill gasped out. "She... reporters, she... I only left for a little while..." Hillary was the other woman who worked at the home; Bea had met her once, on Aria's birthday. Although she'd seen her a few times after that, she'd never really spoken with her, and wasn't overly fond of the way she spoke to the children. Ethan had told her that Hillary was working at the home as community service-for God only knew what-and she didn't usually want to be there. Occasionally she was really good with the children, Bea had been told, but her community service was just about done and there was no one in the home that wasn't grateful for it. "Are you telling me she called reporters?" Ethan demanded. "Jill... she did not..." Jill nodded miserably. "She did, Ethan. She told them all about... about what happened?" "Where is she?" Ethan asked. His voice held that soft, dangerous edge that Bea recognized from her experiences with other Wolfe men. "With the police," Jill told him. "They took her to ask her questions..." Ethan let out a growl of frustration. How much did she know, anyway? Bea wondered, glancing at Jill. They had told Jill about Alanna, to explain to her just why the whole Wolfe family was becoming so strongly involved in this. If Jill had told Hillary... God, I would have hoped she'd be smarter than that, Bea thought, biting back a groan. I mean, I know she's been under a lot of stress, but... if she told about Alanna, then... A shrill ringing interrupted her thoughts: Ethan's cell phone. He took one look at the Caller I.D. and turned pale. Hell, Gabriel is still a bit mad at me for pulling that stunt with Alanna, Bea thought, grabbing for the phone. They're all still a bit mad at me... I'm still a bit mad at me! She could admit when she'd handled something badly and this was definitely one of those times. It was with a stomach-gnawing sense of foreboding that she hit the Talk button on the phone and brought it up to her ear. "What the hell is going on?!" Gabriel's voice sounded almost exactly like Ethan's had, asking that question. "Um... hello, Gabriel," Bea said, her voice edged with nervous laughter. "Uh... I take it you um... know about this here debacle..." "Bea, the whole world knows about this 'debacle'," Gabriel told her, struggling to keep his voice calm. "It's on the news! Live! What in the hell happened?" Bea swayed. "Live?" Her voice came out in a pale, faint squeak. "Oh, damnit... I don't know! I'm not sure, Gabriel, I think one of the workers at the group home..." Mercifully, Ethan took the phone from her just then. Bea found herself shaking her head in disbelief. This can't possibly get any worse, she thought, reaching up to rub her temples. It did little to help the headache that came roaring in. For the first time in a very long time she thought she might collapse under the pressure of everything that was going on around her. All I want is some peace and quiet, Bea thought, tears stinging her eyes. Why is that too much to ask? It wasn't like her to be so emotional. She tried to shake it off, but she just couldn't. Bea turned away from the crowd, trying to block out the noise of them. For a moment she thought she actually might faint, which was ridiculous; she'd never fainted in her life. And then Ethan wrapped his arms around her from behind, pulling her against his chest. Bea leaned into him gratefully. "It's going to be okay, Bea," he told her, his voice low and soothing. "I promise you it will be okay. We'll fix this somehow." "I think it's too late for that," Bea said, sighing heavily. "God, I could just... just slap that idiot woman!" "Jill might just do it for you," Ethan said. He chuckled softly and gently kissed the top of her head. "Sweetheart, I know this is bad, but we'll handle it." "They know, don't they?" Bea asked, tilting her head back to look up at him. "They know about Alanna, don't they?" His expression was all the answer she needed. Bea felt a sudden surge of anger, long suppressed and a bit irrational. She turned in Ethan's arms and buried her face against his chest. I'm so sick of this, she thought, gritting her teeth in frustration. I'm sick of people like Roger and Hillary. I'm just so sick of all of it! Bea wanted to go home and... and... no, she didn't want to go to her home. She wanted to go to Ethan's place, where she always felt safe, where she could pretend the rest of the world just didn't exist. Ignoring her startled protests, Ethan picked her up and carried her back to the car. He set her down and opened the drivers' side door, ushering her into the car. Bea sat down heavily and leaned back. When did I get to be like this, anyway? she wondered. I never thought of myself as the damsel in distress type before. Ethan crouched beside the open door, running a hand lightly up and down along her arm, and waiting for her to calm down. "Jill is talking to the police now," Ethan said quietly. "She's trying to get them to clear this crowd out... although from what I understand, they've been trying." "Ugh," Bea groaned, rubbing her head. "What are we going to do, Ethan?" Ethan smiled. "Hope most people don't watch those twenty-four hour news channels?" "They'll play it again tonight," Bea reminded him. "And obviously someone saw it, because I know Gabriel doesn't watch those channels and he knew about it." "Gavin," Ethan said. "As dry and dull as it sounds, he watches them from time to time." "For what?" Bea asked, her eyebrows raising. "Inspiration, he says," Ethan answered. "For that dreary stuff he likes to call poetry." Bea chuckled softly. Bailey had told her once that Gavin wrote poetry and indeed she had gotten an impression that it must be gloomy stuff. He'll certainly have more dreary stuff to write about now, she thought. Although, still... the news? She hated the news; life was hard enough, without watching something all about what went wrong in other peoples' lives. Bea would have to watch the news now, though, if she wanted to keep good track of what was being said. "Why don't we go brave that crowd and see if Ari is all right?" Ethan suggested, holding out a hand to her. "Gabriel said the reporters interviewed her." Bea's eyes widening. "Oh dear," she said softly. She took Ethan's hand and allowed him to help her up. "What... what happens?" "She loves the limelight," Ethan said, rolling his eyes. "No big surprise." That, at least, gave her something to smile about. Leaning into Ethan's side, she walked with him towards the crowd. They never got their. Jill, who was talking to the police, broke away from them suddenly. Her face was grayish-white, so pale that even the color in her lips had faded. They paused, a decent distance from the crowd, but Jill walked right past them, back towards the car. Confused, they followed after, stumbling to an abrupt halt when they were too far from the crowd for anyone to overhear them. "Seems likes we weren't the only ones with an information leak," Jill said, her voice oddly devoid of emotion. "They um... they tried to keep him separated, you know, from the others... guess they didn't try that hard..." "Jill?" Ethan asked, frowning. "What..." Jill laughed, a short, almost hysterical sound. "Child abusers don't too to well in prison, do they?" she said, her voice definitely hysterical now. "Roger's in the hospital, Ethan. He was beaten within an inch of his life." ------- Chapter 19: A Confession At Last Ethan's apartment was refreshingly dark and silent. Bea huddled on the couch, staring at the blank T.V. screen. There was too much swirling around in her head. Jill had had something of a nervous breakdown the other day, when they'd found out about Roger. The poor woman had known him for years on end and she was in shock from everything that had happened. Bea could understand Jill's reaction, even if it was different from her own. She felt... relief. Guilt was eating her alive inside; it went against everything she believed in, to judge someone so harshly, no matter what they did. Always Bea had had sympathy for anyone and everyone-even annoying broads like Melissa and Melanie. Yet now she was hollow inside. She'd seen the look in Alanna's eyes, the flash of relief and the dominating, icy uncaring, and she'd felt the same way. That had been several days ago. Since then Bea had been quiet and withdrawn, hiding in Ethan's apartment while he worked with Aria and tried, futilely, to get Ellery to trust him. Things had not been so easy between her and Ethan. When they spoke to each other it was polite and distant. The only time things seemed right was when they were curled up in bed together. I can't take this anymore, Bea thought, feeling a hot tear slide down her cheek. It would kill me to lose him, but I can't take it anymore! She didn't understand why he couldn't just be honest with her. Whatever had happened all those years ago, it couldn't have been that bad, could it? The apartment door opened, startling her. Ethan came in, looking tired and worn out. I hate to do this to him now, Bea thought, standing up from the couch. But I can't wait. He paused in front of her, his eyebrows raising as he noticed the expression on her face. Once he'd told her that he needed to know what was in her past and she'd answered willingly. Would he do the same for her? For a moment Bea hesitated, not sure she wanted to know the answer to the question. "What's wrong?" Ethan asked, his expression changing to a frown. "Bea..." "I have to know, Ethan," she said bluntly. "I have to." Realizing what she meant, he sank down onto the couch. Bea sat down beside him, her heart in her throat. For a long time Ethan was quiet, staring at the couch cushion beneath him, and she really thought he wasn't going to answer. After everything we've been together, she thought sadly, and it just isn't enough. Bea made to rise from the couch, but he caught her wrist, pulling her back down. Ethan took a deep breath and smiled sheepishly at her. "It's a little... silly, maybe," he said quietly. "You see, my girlfriend and I... her name was Andrea... we were together for so long. I loved her so much. And for a long time I thought that she loved me just as much but..." "So she did cheat on you," Bea said, frowning. "Not... exactly," Ethan said, looking away from her. "Um... I imagine you uh... you don't need me to explain what an open relationship is..." Bea's eyes widened. "You didn't!" Ethan looked back at her. She'd never before seen that expression in his eyes; as if some wry, cruel place deep inside himself was laughing at his foolishness. Bea reached over and toyed with a strand of hair that had gotten loose from his ponytail. She shifted over on the couch until she was up against his side, and felt him relax against her. It's easy sometimes to forget that in reality, he has very little relationship experience, Bea thought, looking at his face. Although... now I'm not so sure of anything anymore. "She said that she still loved me, only she was curious," Ethan went on. "Since we were both each other's first..." Bea frowned. "So you decided to have an open relationship?" "Well, sort of," Ethan said. "I didn't want to sleep with anyone else... so I didn't. But... well, I guess you could say that what happened was my fault, since I let her do it." "And why was this something you felt you needed to keep from me?" Bea asked. "For that matter... don't you think it's a little unfair, judging me the way you did because of her? I mean, hell, I've sowed my wild oats!" Where the hell does he get off? Bea fumed, pulling away from him. Just because he let his girlfriend sleep with anyone she wanted doesn't mean... oh hell. She took a deep breath, calming herself down. Getting angry wasn't going to get them anywhere and besides, she could kind of see where he was coming from with this one. Bea inched across the couch and climbed up into his lap, startling him. She put her arms around his neck, holding him in place. "So let me get this straight," Bea said. "You didn't want to get involved with me because of my past, because you thought there was a chance this whole fiasco would happen again... right?" Ethan's cheeks colored. "Um... well... that certainly does make a good deal of sense, doesn't it?" He coughed. "That... partially, I was afraid of... well, look!" His fingers curled in her hair suddenly, startling her. "I lost one person I loved because I loved her too much. And when I met you I just had this feeling like... like..." He groaned softly and tossed his head back, at a loss for words. Bea shifted her position, straddling his hips and pushing herself up to get a look at his face. Ethan's dark eyes flickered in her direction. Ah, well, Bea thought, as she lowered her mouth to his. I guess it doesn't matter much anyway. How could she be angry at him for that? It reminded her of some boy in elementary school who'd picked on her because he'd liked her. Except instead Ethan had made an idiot out of himself, but she loved him despite that-perhaps in part because of it. "As much as I would love to just keep doing this," Ethan murmured beneath her mouth, "that's not the whole story." "I had a feeling it wasn't," Bea admitted, between small, gentle kisses. "Do we have to finish this discussion now?" Ethan caught her around the waist and lifted her up easily. He set her down in his lap again, in a position where he could hold onto her more securely. Bea pouted, but he only gave her a stern, somewhat amused look in return. And here I was beginning to believe I was the one with more control, she though, laying her head against his shoulder. For awhile there he was the one always... ooo! Ethan ran the tip of his finger along the curve of her ear, making her shiver in delight. "Now that I have your attention," Ethan said, his voice amused, "there's one other thing that came of this... fiasco, as you put it." "The HIV!" Bea lifted her head to look at him. "She was positive, wasn't she?" Ethan nodded. "More than that, though," he said. "She uh... after she found out... well, she went out for a drive and in the morning..." "Oh," Bea said softly. "Oh, geez... Ethan..." "The part I didn't want to tell you, however," Ethan went on, turning his head to look at her, "was that I spent a year in the hospital afterwards. And I spent a long time on medication... um..." He stopped, once again out of words. It was never easy, she knew, to explain to someone about the things that had gone screwy in your head. Bea was reminded of Alanna, who had once admitted to her that sometimes she was embarrassed, that she wasn't as strong as her father and brothers, or even her mother. I wonder what happened, exactly, Bea thought, gently touching his cheek. But I won't ask right now. She didn't care if Ethan had had to spend time in a hospital, or if he'd needed medication. They sat in silence for a while, Ethan stroking her hair idly. Finally Bea slipped from his lap and rose to her feet, beckoning for him to follow her. She watched him push himself up from the couch, his dark eyes studying her warily. Damned prideful Wolfe males, she thought, half-annoyed, half-amused. Like being a little messed up in the head makes you less of a person... the whole lot of them are messed up in the head, anyway. Bea imagined that was why she fit in with them so well. "Hold on," Ethan said, as she pulled him towards the bedroom. "Bea, listen to me... I have to go back on medication..." Bea shrugged. "So what?" She released his arm and instead stood on her toes to catch his face in her hands. "Ethan, you're being silly. A lot of people go through bad times when someone they love dies. For many people it takes years and years to recover. That isn't going to change the way I feel about you... so get over it!" She let him go and settled back on her heels. "Because I sure am not playing the Pet Poor Wounded Puppy game that Xandri plays with Quinn." Ethan had to laugh at that. She'd almost been afraid it had been too harsh, but apparently not. Catching her around the waist and beneath the thighs, Ethan swung her up into his arms. Bea grabbed hold of him, clinging for dear life; sometimes she hated it when he did that. I am much too small to be thrown around like a rag doll, she thought, pressing her face against his chest. Actually... now that I think about it, I've always kind of liked being thrown around like a rag doll. Bea shrieked as he tossed her lightly onto the bed. "Sure I can't get you to change your mind about that?" Ethan asked. His voice was a soft purr that made her shiver. "Maybe you can," Bea replied lightly, "if you try really, really hard..." It was so easy for him to pin her hands above her head, holding her wrists together with one hand. She squirmed as he ran his other hand over her belly, catching the hem of her shirt with his fingers and pulling it up. Ethan's breath was warm on her neck as his lips moved up to her ear. Bea relaxed, moaning soft as he lips tugged at her earlobe, and his fingers lifted her bra, pulling it up to bare her breasts. She realized how much she'd missed his touch these last few days. Ethan took his time. Resting his head on her shoulder, he slowly teased her nipples to hardness, using only the tip of his index finger. Bea found herself watching as he lowered his mouth to her breast, his tongue sneaking out to tease lightly over her skin. With her wrists still held down, she could only writhe as his lips closed around one nipple, sucking gently. His hand moving down her belly tickled a little. He pinched her ever so lightly when she wriggled, and gave the curve of her breast an admonishing nip. She held still as he unfastened her jean shorts and tugged them open, then slid his hand down between her thighs. Ethan didn't touch her right away; his fingers were less than an inch above her, but when she tried to move against him he gave her another nip and tightened his grip on her wrists. Bea stared down at him and when he lifted his head to meet her gaze, his dark eyes were full of heat. She thought he might never touch her. Ethan held her like that for a long time, until she was quivering with anticipation. When he touched her at last, Bea almost cried out. She lifted her hips against his hand, shuddering as he slid a finger inside her. His mouth began to move over her breasts again, nipping gently or sucking, his tongue darting out to tease her nipples. Bea arched her back, pressing into him, wanting so much to feel him inside her. "Please..." she breathed, fighting his hold on her wrists. "Ethan, please..." "Now?" Ethan asked quietly, lifting his head. "You haven't touched me in three days!" Bea groaned. "Yes, now!" He was chuckling as he pulled away from her. She sat up, quickly pulling her clothes off and tossing them aside. Ethan sat back on the bed, leaning on his hands, and watched her, his eyes twinkling with amusement. Bea let out a little growl and bounced on him, sending him back onto the bed. She ignored his laughter as she tugged his shirt up; she had to let him sit up to get it off. "And you say I have the sex drive of an eighteen-year-old male," Ethan teased. "I never said that I didn't," Bea shot back, grinning. With a little more struggling and playful wrestling, she managed to get his jeans off, too. It really hadn't taken Ethan very long at all to adjust to her rather... enthusiastic sex drive. She laughed as he tugged her into his lap, the sound cut off by a sharp gasp as he was pressed against her belly. Bea rested her hands on his shoulders and slid into place, so that her knees rested against the mattress, and she could feel him rubbing against her, the tip of him pressing against her entrance. Ethan gently cupped her cheek in his hand, running his thumb along her lower lip. She tilted her head against his palm, her lashes fluttering. "Tell me that you love me," Ethan said quietly. "I do," Bea told him, sinking against him, letting him slide inside her. "I love you." He drew her mouth down to hers and kissed her deeply. Ethan's arms tightened around her, and his hips pushed up into her, helping her to ride him. Each thrust brought the length of him fully inside her, making her moan and shudder. Bea pulled her mouth from his and found his neck instead, sucking hard enough to leave behind a mark. She heard him groan softly. Ethan tossed his head back, giving her room, and she found places with her mouth, sensitive places that made him moan and clutch at her tightly. It was difficult but wonderful, moving with him like this. It wasn't long before a thin sheen of sweat had broken out on both her skin and his. Bea wound her fingers into his hair, holding his head back as she ran her tongue along the line of his throat. His skin was hot and damp, and it tasted of salt. Ethan shuddered, pushing into her hard, increasing the tension and the friction in her body. She slumped against him when she came, burying her face against her chest to stifle her cries. Bea felt the heat of him coming inside her and she squeezed her eyes shut, shivering with the pleasure of it. Despite being hot and sweaty, and out of breath, she was more than content to simply stay there, tangled with him. She could hear Ethan's heart beating fast. Probably just as fast as mine, Bea thought, sighing happily. I think I could just stay like this forever... He was the one who finally got them untangled. Bea lounged on the bed as Ethan disappeared into the bathroom. He came back with a towel, dampened with cool water, and helped clean her off. When he was satisfied he tossed the towel away and lay down next to her. Bea rolled over, draping her body half over his. She rested her hands on his chest and stared up at him. "Do you love me back?" Bea asked. Ethan rolled his eyes. "No, Bea," he said sarcastically. "I only insist you sleep at my apartment, make you breakfast every morning, give you back rubs even when you're being cranky, and generally make a total idiot of myself whenever I'm around you cause I just like you a lot." He huffed. "Of course I love you! What kind of silly, harebrained question is that?" She pinched him hard enough that he yelped. Bea pressed her face against his chest, trying to stifle her laughter. She really didn't mind his teasing or his grumbling. A confession was a confession, even if it was delivered in typical growly male Wolfe fashion. Bea settled down, resting her cheek against his chest. So there's been a few bumps in the road of life, she thought, so what? Okay, more like mountains. But she felt better, knowing she had Ethan by her side. She sighed as his fingers tunneled in her hair. "I love you, Bea." ------- Ethan didn't even try to keep up with Bea as she darted into the Wolfe house. He'd insisted upon her letting him drive, since she'd been shaking so badly, but he wouldn't stop her from anything else. It should feel like it's over, he thought, as he climbed out of the car, but for some reason it doesn't. Ethan had received a call today from a very shaken-sounding Jill; Roger had not survived his beatings. Even when it's someone like that, Ethan thought, this sort of thing is chilling. It was quiet at the Wolfe house. Ethan had only called Gabriel-he knew better than to call Alanna directly-so most of the family was not there. Alanna had been so unsettled by this whole thing that she'd been staying at her parents house, so she and Drake were there. But Eli was crashing at Chase's place and Sydney was with Bailey, so even they weren't there. Ethan was a little surprised to see the remaining family members sitting so quietly in the living room. Bea was standing just behind the couch Alanna was sitting on, giving her friend worried looks. She doesn't look upset, he thought, studying Alanna's face. She looks... free. Finally free of what he did to her. Ethan glanced at Gabriel, who, oddly enough, looked a little disappointed. If we think anything as much alike as we look, he thought, he's probably still wishing he could have been the one to kill the man. He'd seen just how much of a temper his cousin had, first hand. "Thank you for letting us know so quickly," Aislinn said, reaching up from where she sat on the couch and touching his arm. "How are you feeling?" "I'm just fine," Ethan assured her, smiling. "Is everything... ?" "Fine," Alanna answered, startling them all. "I'm glad. I'm glad he's gone." Her voice was cold enough that it made Ethan shiver. He was surprised when Bea stepped back from the couch, whirling away suddenly and disappearing into the kitchen. Concerned, he followed her into the kitchen, and out onto the back porch. She was so eager to get here, he thought, so what's wrong? Bea flinched as he laid his hands on her shoulders. Ethan turned her around to face him and was surprised at how pale she was, even for her. "I'm glad, too," Bea said quietly. Ethan reached out and gently touch her cheek. "There's nothing wrong with that, Bea." "It feels wrong," Bea said, pulling away from him. "I always thought that, no matter what someone did, it was going too far, to want them dead." She took a step back, wrapping her arms around herself. "Or to be glad when they were! But... but he... he hurt someone I love... and I'm so glad he's gone!" Ethan caught up to her before she could get too far away. He pulled her into his arms and refused to let her get away, even though she pushed at him. He let her wear herself out, wear out the anger and guilt and frustration, then held her when she cried. Sometimes, the stronger you are, the harder it is when you finally break, Ethan thought, stroking her hair and waiting for her to calm down. I wish I'd been paying more attention... I didn't realize just how badly this upset her. Bea always seemed strong and in control to him. "Shhh," Ethan soothed, rocking her gently. "Oh, Bea... you are far more forgiving than anyone has a right to expect of you. Sometimes I think you must be a figment of my imagination, considering the things you've forgiven me for." He felt her relax, finally. "I can't even imagine how anyone could become so forgiving, at our age." Bea lifted her head slowly. "I guess it's just something I realized over the years," she said, smiling slightly. "Even people I'd never want to be around again, I've learned to forgive them. I realized, somewhere along the way, that the only person I was hurting by holding onto the past was myself." "You can hurt yourself by forgiving too much, as well," Ethan reminded her, gently brushing hair back from her face. "Bea, you need to be relieved right now, so let yourself be relieved. You're not a saint, for crying out loud." She laughed, the sound mingled with the last of her tears. She's much too hard on herself, Ethan thought, letting her sink against him again. She's never given herself enough credit so long as I've known her. Somehow, he got the feeling that Bea just didn't think like that. She lived too much in the moment to spend a great amount of time dwelling on what she'd done and what she'd become. Well, I'll just have to find a way to show her, Ethan thought. The only question is how? ------- Chapter 20: New Horizons The airport was noisy. Bea walked beside Ethan, carrying Ellery. Her arms were getting tired, but the poor girl refused to walk on her own, not when she was surrounded by strangers. Thank god Chase and Eli offered to carry the luggage, she thought, shifting Ellery more comfortably onto her hip. I don't think we would ever have made it, otherwise. Ellery refused to let men touch her. Even after the past month and change, she would hardly look at Ethan. It was the beginning of September, now, and a new beginning for all of them, it seemed. Things had not settled down so easily after Roger's death. Not long after, a young couple, the Townsends, had come to the group home. They were from Kentucky, they'd explained, the son and daughter-in-law of the rich owner of a farm that bred and raced Thoroughbreds. They had been planning to adopt, because she was unable to have children, and when they'd seen Aria on T.V., talking about her dream to ride racehorses, they had fallen in love with her. He's taking this better than I thought he would, Bea thought, glancing over at Ethan. Although I wish he wouldn't look so sad all the time. She knew how hard it was for him; doubly so, since Ellery was going, too. When she'd met them, Aria had told the Townsends-rather politely-that she would not go anywhere without Ellery, whom she had taken under her wing after the incident with Roger. I know Ethan is happy for them both, Bea thought, smiling at him when he glanced over at her, but this is hard for him. It had been his decision to take them to the airport, rather than allowing the Townsends to pick them up. He'd wanted a little more time with them, she knew, especially with Aria. Bea had watched the girl bounce back and forth between happy and sad for the past month, while the home looked into the Townsend family, took care of all the necessary paperwork, and helped the girls work through this big adjustment. As much as Aria was thrilled to be going to a place where she would have family-and horses-she was sad to leave Ethan. And Bea got the feeling that if it weren't for Aria, Ellery would never have been able to accept the change. "You know, you don't have to carry me the whole way, Ethan," Aria said, wrinkling her nose at him. "I'm not a complete invalid." Ethan blinked at her. "Some days, Ari, I think you're too smart for your own good." "Or for yours," Aria shot back, looking smug. To their surprise, even Ellery giggled at that. She seemed to startle herself, because she swallowed her laughter, coming out with a hiccup instead, and her eyes widened. At least they'll leave on a good note, Bea thought, her heart warming at the smile on Ethan's face. She's got a long way to go, the poor thing, but I think having Aria by her side will help. Maybe she was getting ahead of herself, but for some reason the two of them reminded her of herself and Alanna. They finally reached the Townsends, who were waiting to take the girls down to the gate. Lindsay Townsend was a petite, pretty blonde, and just about the sweetest person Bea had ever met in her life. She came forward as soon as she saw them, a joyful smile on her face. Her husband, Howard, hung back a little, as he had from the very first day. The man seemed to have endless patience, waiting for the girls to trust him, and Bea had liked him since the first time she'd seen him. He was the kind of gentle soul who, when he found a spider or some other crawly bug in his house, would make sure it got back outside unharmed. "Hello Ari," Lindsay said, smiling warmly. "And Ellery." She was always quiet when she spoke to Ellery, but her voice was never condescending. "We'll be waiting just over there until you're ready, okay?" Lindsay and Howard waited near the sectioned off entrance that led down to the gates. Bea set Ellery down carefully, having to pry the girl's fingers from her shirt to get her to let go. I wish there was a way to make her feel better, she thought, but the only thing that will heal her is time. Ethan set down Aria. She'd been carrying her crutches, and now she leaned on them heavily, staring down at the floor, obviously reluctant to go. "Don't look so sad, Aria," Ethan said, crouching down in front of her. "You're going to have a great new home. You should be happy." "I know," Aria said quietly. She looked up. "But I'm gonna miss you." "I'm going to miss you too, sweetheart," Ethan told her. Bea caught Aria's crutches as she dropped them to hug Ethan. I can understand that sentiment, she thought, watching the girl hug him tightly. Ellery hung back, waiting, chewing anxiously on her fingernails. Finally Ethan had to pry Aria's arms from around his neck. He kept a brave face, but Bea could see his dark eyes glittering with unshed tears. Even a Wolfe man can cry, she thought, smiling at him. Especially when someone they love has to leave. "Take good care of Ethan for me," Aria said, her voice slightly choked. She took her crutches back from Bea. "He gets himself into an awful lot of trouble." Bea laughed. "I will," she promised. Leaning down, she spoke in a quiet voice, for only Aria to hear, "And you take good care of Ellery for me. She's going to need you." Aria nodded solemnly. She used her crutches to turn, and began making her way over to Lindsay and Howard, until she noticed that Ellery wasn't following. The little girl shifted from foot to foot, glancing at Aria, then to Ethan, then back again. Bea watched, her eyebrows raised, as Ellery darted forward. She leaned her hands on Ethan's shoulder and whispered something in his ear, then quickly scrambled after Aria. The two of them made their way slowly to Lindsay and Howard, Aria looking back over her shoulder after every few steps. Bea reached over and took Ethan's hand as he stood up. She leaned into his side, wishing there was something she could do to comfort him, and knowing there was nothing. The world has changed so much for us these last few months, she thought, resting her head against his upper-arm. It's amazing that we've come through it all together. Okay, it had been somewhat rocky, but Bea was glad they'd made it. "She said 'thank you'," Ethan said quietly, his voice tight and choked. "Come on, Ethan," Bea murmured, putting an arm around him. "Let's go home." She was a little surprised, when they turned around, at who they found waiting for them. Bea knew that Chase and Eli would be waiting, of course, but Alanna was with them. She'd been doing pretty well, over all, since Roger's death. Despite her initial reaction, while Alanna was relieved he was gone, her complete indifference was starting to fade. It would be some time, Bea knew, before she could think of Roger without hate and resentment, and she would never fully get over what he'd done to her, but she would be all right in the end. "I just wanted to see," Alanna explained, when they reached her and the others. She looked a little tired and drawn. "I wanted to know they were getting a good home." "They are," Bea assured her, putting her free arm around her friend. "And they have each other, too." "I told them to contact me, when she's older," Alanna said, tilting her head back in the direction of the Townsends. "If they need to. I'd like to be able to do something for her, but right now..." Bea nodded. She didn't need Alanna to explain. It would be years before they could really do anything for Ellery. Right now Aria was the only one who could help her. Maybe, in time, as she adjusted to her new family, others would be able to, as well. And we'll see them again, Bea thought, tightening her arm around Ethan. They'll visit us, or we'll visit them. That was something they could look forward to. And in the mean time, she and Ethan had a relationship that they had yet to truly have the chance to enjoy. ------- Ethan looked up as Bea entered the room. She carried a plate of pizza bagels and she was wearing one of his t-shirts, as usual. Thank goodness for her, he thought, resting his head against her shoulder as she stretched out beside him. I don't know what I'd do without her. Bea hadn't made any sympathetic noises at him, like others had; she was simply there for him. They hadn't even really spoken to each other since getting back from the airport, but they didn't really need to. They'd pulled the T.V. cart into his room, so they watched while they ate. Ethan generally wasn't a big T.V. person-he preferred to be doing something active-but it felt nice to just relax and watch something for once. I really need to shake this funk, he thought, as he nibbled at a pizza bagel. There are still so many wonderful people in my life... it's just so hard. Bea seemed to understand. Ethan knew she was sad to see the girls go, too. "Is it me, or is T.V. incredibly stupid?" Bea asked, dropping a half uneaten pizza bagel. "It's not just you," Ethan assured her, smiling faintly. He reached over and rested his hand on her back. As down as he was feeling, there was something about her presence that... well, perked him up. Bea sighed as he rubbed her back, pushing her plate away so she could rest her head on her arms. Ethan shifted on the bed, so he could reach her better. He pushed the t-shirt up and felt his body stir when he realized she was wearing nothing beneath it. Bea stretched out, sighing softly as he began kneading gently at her skin. "I should be the one doing this for you," she murmured, turning her head enough to gaze up at him from beneath her lashes. "And take away my excuse to touch you?" Ethan teased. He pushed himself up into a sitting position; it seemed as though he just couldn't touch her enough. "You don't need an excuse," Bea told him, smiling. "You know that." He did know that. Ethan caught her hips and turned her over onto her back. His need was fierce, and he savored the feeling of her skin beneath his hands as he slid them up along her belly. He pushed the t-shirt up and cupped her breasts, gently teasing her nipples with his thumbs. It wasn't like him to drown his sorrows in someone else, but Bea was warm, her skin felt like silk, and she was oh-so-willing. Ethan tried his best to be as attentive as he always was, but he just wanted to be inside her. She seemed to understand that, too. As he kissed her, Bea unfastened his jeans and pulled them down. Even in his need and desperation, he slid a hand between her legs, making certain she was ready for him before he entered her. For all it was perhaps quicker than any other time, even the time in the shower, there was not an ounce less passion. Ethan kissed her hard as he thrust inside her, his tongue teasing inside the warm confines of her mouth. He pinned her wrists down against the bed and held her in place, allowing only her hips to move against his. Ethan shuddered when he came inside her, but he continued to move, pressing his hips against hers, as his mouth found her breasts, his kisses and nips still hungry and full of desire. He was exhausted, sweat running down the line of his spine, by the time she cried out, and her body tightened around him. Groaning, Ethan lowered himself carefully down on top of her and rested his head on her chest. Spent and satiated, he was still awake enough to be a bit ashamed of his behavior. "I'm sorry," Ethan murmured. Bea snorted. "For what? I enjoyed that, thank you very much." She chuckled softly and ran her fingers through his hair. "Besides, I'm sure to pounce on you like that when I'm feeling down, so I certainly can't hold it against you." "You know," Ethan said, lifting his head, "as much as I love to see you happy, I certainly hope I'm around the next time you're feeling depressed." Her laughter was sweet. She tickled him, poking playfully at his sides, until he finally got up the strength to move off her. Well, I suppose we all have our days, Ethan thought, as he finished undressing. I just needed to... to... He wasn't sure, exactly. But he felt better, probably because he was tired. He was just stretching out on the bed, watching Bea as she rose to take the plate from the room, when the phone rang. Ethan reached over and grabbed it. Who could be calling at this hour? he wondered. The voice at the other end of the line was male. "I'm sorry for calling at such a late hour," he said, "but you see, Beatrice Johansen told me I could reach her here." "Yeah, that's right," Ethan told him, frowning. "Uh... hold on a second, please." He gave the phone to Bea and watched curiously as she disappeared into the living room. Of course, he wasn't going to nose in on her phone calls, but he couldn't help wondering who that was. For the life of him, Ethan couldn't think of someone whom she'd give his number to; at least, not someone he didn't know. Whoever that man was, he hadn't recognized the voice. Bea was in the living room awhile. When she finally came back, she was holding the phone tightly, and she was frowning thoughtfully. Ethan sat up as she dropped onto the edge of the bed. God, please tell me something didn't happen, he thought, scooting up behind her and putting his arms around her. I think I'll lose it, if something else happened. Bea snuggled against him and sighed. "That was Marco Henderson," she told him. "From She." Ethan frowned. "I thought you weren't going to take that job..." "I'm not," Bea assured him. "But they do shoots all over the country, so I told him if he needed me somewhere local, he should give me a call." "So he's got something for you?" Ethan asked, tightening his arms around her. "That's wonderful!" Isn't it? he wondered, when he felt her sag against him. For someone who just got work, she doesn't look too happy. He knew freelance photography was chancy work, and Bea sometimes went weeks without a real job. She'd been doing well lately, but Ethan knew none of it was work she really enjoyed. Although he didn't quite understand why, her favorite shoots were ones involving people. There's more to this than just a job, he decided, shifting her into his lap so he could see her face. "It's not a local job," Bea explained quietly. "They um... they want me for... well, the spring season is showing in October, in France and Italy..." "Spring season?" Ethan asked, puzzled. "But it's fall." Bea laughed. "That's how the fashion world is," she told him. "The thing is... I'd be gone all of October..." All the way on the other side of the world, Ethan thought, for a whole month. That seemed much too long to him. But... France and Italy... what a wonderful experience that would be for her. He fiddled with a lock of her hair, trying to figure out how this made him feel. Scared, yes, but he was also so proud of her. She deserves this, Ethan thought, gently stroking her cheek. She's worked so hard and gone through so much. And she'd put up with all of his crap, to boot. "It's too bad, really," Bea said, sighing. "I would have loved to go..." "So then you should," Ethan insisted. He pressed his finger to her lips before she could speak. "Bea, how many opportunities like this are going to come along in life? Maybe it would happen again, but why risk that it wouldn't?" "But you can't come with me!" Bea protested. "You have to work! And I can't just leave you here for a month!" Ethan smiled. When she said things like that, he suddenly felt worlds better. Snaking his arms around her waist, he pulled her with him as he laid back on the bed. Bea laughed against his lips as he kissed her. What I want, more than anything else, is to ask her to stay, he thought, burying his fingers in her hair. But I can't do that to her. Ethan gently pushed her up, so he could look into her eyes. There was some sadness and disappointing swirling in those soft, jade depths. "Yes, you can," he told her. "It's only a month." "You really trust me to be gone for a month?" Bea asked, her eyebrows raising. Ethan sighed. "This isn't about trust," he answered. "Yes, I'm worried, of course I am! But it isn't because I don't trust you. It's because I love you, so there's always going to be this unreasonable part of me that is terrified by the thought of losing you. And yes, I will go crazy without you here, and no, I don't really want you to go." Ethan took a deep breath. "But I won't be the one to hold you back." It was the truth, all of it. He really didn't want her to go, and he hoped she would stay. But he knew she'd go; Bea was not that type of person to let her dreams get away from her. It's only a month, he reminded himself, closing his arms around her as she rested against him. I can handle a month. At least, Ethan hoped he could. So soon after Aria and Ellery had left, Bea would be leaving too. I can't hold onto her too tightly, he thought, or I'll lose her anyway. He didn't have to see her face to know that she was thinking about it. Ethan could feel the tension in her body, as she let herself become excited by the idea. Finally she sat up and looked down at him. The light of happiness in his eyes told him he'd made the right choice, even if it wasn't what he really wanted. I can be happy for her, once I adjust to this, Ethan thought, reaching up and cupping her face in his hands. I just need time for it to all sink in. "I... I do want to go..." Bea said hesitantly. Ethan smiled. "Then you will." ------- Chapter 21: Another Good-Bye The Wolfe house was about as crowded as Bea had ever seen it. Aislinn and Gabriel, their children and their children's significant others, all the cousins; even baby Odelia had been brought over for a visit. As if this place didn't get noisy enough, Bea thought, wincing as the baby squalled loudly. Most of the time, it seemed, she would quiet when Alastair picked her up. She watched, fighting a grin, as he rocked her gently, humming beneath his breath and ignoring their amused stares. "It's wonderful, really," Sada said, grinning broadly. "I only have to get out of bed in the middle of the night if it turns out that she's hungry." "You've been taking care of her all day while I'm working," Alastair reminded her, albeit a bit distracted. "The least I can do is take care of her when I'm home." Drake, who was sitting on the couch across from them, snorted. "Working? All I've seen you do lately is nap." Alastair didn't respond to that. I'm sure Sada will be dancing again before long, Bea thought, glancing over at her. Although she already looks like she's been back at it. Sada was one of those people who lost weight easily. And she didn't much like sitting around doing nothing all the time. Still, something about her had changed since Odelia was born. Bea had never seen her quite this serene before. And from what she understood, Sada and Alastair hadn't had an argument since the birth, either. I'm going to miss them so much, Bea thought, looking around the living room. I know it's just a month, but it will feel like forever. Ethan had been particularly silent. He sat next to her on the couch, an arm around her waist, seemingly content to sit quietly. It seemed everyone was vying for her attention tonight, too. Well, it is my going away party, Bea thought. Still, I just... She found Ethan's hand with hers and gave his fingers a gentle squeeze. He rewarded her with a smile. "Here, Bea, try this," Chase said, from behind the couch. Surprised, she half-turned and saw him holding a dish full of chocolate and covered in whipped cream. Curious, Bea took the fork from him and tried a bite of the mystery dessert. It turned out to be some kind of mixture of pudding and cake, the kind of treat that was light and delicious and yet still somehow decadent. Grinning, she licked stray whipped cream from her fingers. "Who made that?" Bea asked, raising her eyebrows at Chase. "You?" "Don't look so surprised," Chase grumbled, wrinkling his nose. "I like making desserts." "That's because he likes to eat them," Bailey put in, laughing. Seizing upon the chance to learn a little more about him, Bea said, "So you like to bake? Is that what you do for a living?" "Nope," Chase said casually, tossing his hair back out of his eyes. "I do... a little of this, a little of that." "Jack of all trades?" Bea inquired, grinning. Chase just smiled back. They're a new part of the family, Bea thought, and I've hardly gotten to know most of them. Chase was suddenly reticent, something odd for him, so she turned her attention to Gavin, who was always quiet. He sat a little away from the group, staring at an open notebook and chewing on the end of his pencil. He wore reading glasses that reminded her a bit of Quinn, but from what Bailey said, he didn't actually need them. For a long moment Gavin ignored her; finally he looked up, and she saw that his eyes were a dark gray, like Ethan's. "Yes?" Gavin asked, blinking at her. "Oh, come on, I'm leaving tomorrow," Bea said, pouting. "You've hardly ever even talked to me!" "She's practically our sister-in-law, Gav," Bailey said, grinning. "Be nice." Ethan glared at his sister, but the comment won a smile from Gavin. And, surprisingly enough, he did speak to her. He might have looked a lot like Quinn, and seemed like it at first, but Bea soon found that that was just surface. His voice was rougher, for one thing, and as she sat there listening to him talk about rock-climbing with Chase, she was suffused with warmth. These people were her family. When I come back, Bea thought, I will spend more time getting to know all of them. They were the ones who were most important in Ethan's life, after all. She was enjoying herself so much that when she glanced at the clock and saw that it was ten o' clock already, she was surprised. The evening passed so quickly. And I have to be up at some ungodly hour of the morning to catch my plane, Bea thought, stretching. Oh well... I'll sleep most of the trip, anyhow. She settled back on the couch, prepared to continue talking, when Gabriel rose suddenly. "Well, it's getting late," he said, looking at her. "And you have a plane to catch in the morning. It's probably time to wrap this up." "But I can..." Bea began. She saw Gabriel's dark eyes flicker, and realized he was glancing at Ethan. "Oh... right. It is getting late." Somehow even though she had accepted that she was leaving tomorrow, a part of her was convinced that Ethan would be with her. The two of them weren't even allowed to help clean up; they were shuffled out the door and into the cool night air. A whole month, Bea thought, holding onto Ethan's hand throughout the drive home. Can I really do this? Before she'd met him, the chance to get away from her life for a month would have been wonderful. This time there was nothing she really wanted to leave. Their apartment was dark but warm. Theirs. Bea hadn't returned to hers since Ethan had told her that he loved her. All her things, what little she had, were now at his place. Usually she thought of herself as someone who valued her personal space above all else, but there was something very unobtrusive about Ethan's presence. And he seemed completely unbothered by her presence. More than anything else, though, Bea liked waking up and knowing she was some place where there was someone who cared for her. Her apartment had always been so empty and lonely. "That was fun," Bea said, reaching out and finding his hand. He hadn't turned the light on. "I wish I could have time to get to know all your siblings better, though." "You can when you get back," Ethan said softly. "Come with me..." He still didn't bother turning on the lights and Bea stumbled a bit as he pulled her into the bedroom. Ethan didn't let her fall, though. He closed his arms around her, bringing her up tight against him, and lowered his mouth to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and clung to him, parting her lips beneath the insistence of his. I'm going to miss him so much, Bea thought, as Ethan lifted her easily and carried her to the bed. I wish I could bring him with me. His fingers tangled in her hair, his hand cradling the back of her head, as he lowered her down onto the bed. The darkness of the room seemed oddly comforting, like having a blanket tucked tightly around oneself. Bea stretched out beneath Ethan, lifting her body up to press against his hands as he ran them down over her stomach. His fingers closed around the skirt of her dress, bunching it in his hands and pushing it up. It was dark, but not so dark that she couldn't see his dark, intense eyes. "This," Ethan murmured, his breath hot against her neck, "is what you wore that time we went bowling." "I guess I was feeling nostalgic," Bea said, swallowing a soft giggle. "I thought you liked this dress." Ethan chuckled. "You have no idea, Bea." There was something in the tone of his voice that made her blush. Ethan pushed her skirt up until it was gathered around her hips. The panties she was wearing had sides that tied, so he didn't even have to worry about removing her boots to get them off. He's the only person I know, Bea thought, reaching up to touch his face, that makes me feel so shy. Ethan turned his head and gently kissed her fingertips. She shivered as her sucked at the tip of her index finger; it reminded her of their first time together. Ethan's hair tickled her lower abdomen as he bent his head and nipped at the inside of her thigh. Bea laughed softly, tugging at a strand of his hair. His breath was warm against her skin, each exhale making her tingle, making goosebumps rise along her flesh. Her body tensed as his mouth moved slowly down her thigh. The first touch of his lips made her jump just a little. Bea sighed, lifting her hips up as he teased her clit with the tip of his tongue. She wound her fingers in his hair tightly and closed her eyes, savoring each slow caress. He knew her too well now. As his mouth worked her to aching arousal, his hands traveled down along her legs. Ethan's fingertips tickled the back of her knees, drawing a sound from her that was half moan, half startled giggle. Bea whimpered when he lifted his head and grinned down at her. He tickled her for real this time, behind the knees and along her sides, until she was kicking and squirming beneath him. "Not fair!" Bea gasped, grabbing him around the neck. "Stop, Ethan!" "But you have such a cute giggle," Ethan teased, lowering his head until the tip of his nose touched the tip of hers. "In fact, you make an awful lot of really cute noises, Bea." She gasped again as he slid a hand between her thighs. "And you're an insufferable tease!" "Mmm," Ethan murmured in agreement, going for her ear with his mouth. As he nibbled on her earlobe, she reached beneath his shirt, pulling it up so she could run her hands along his back. Bea could feel muscle moving beneath his skin as he shifted so he could reach the curve of her ear with his lips. Ethan slid a finger inside her, moving it in and out as his mouth found all the little sensitive places along her neck. She traced the line of his spine, let her hands move around to his stomach, then reached for his jeans. Tonight was their last night together for a month; Bea wanted to be as close to him as humanly possible. She helped him get his shirt off and his jeans down, but that was as far as they got. Ethan's mouth found hers, passionate and hungry, and he was inside her before she knew it. He pulled her dress down off her shoulders, until he bared her breasts. Dark hair spilled over her skin as he trailed kisses down her neck, over her collarbone, and between her breasts. Bea arched her back, pressing against him, as his body thrust into hers. Ethan's mouth closed around one of her nipples, sucking on it gently and teasing it with his tongue. She caught his hair and tugged, pulling his mouth back to hers. Ethan kissed her hard enough to make her feel lightheaded. He caught hold of her wrists as he kissed her and pinned them above her head. Keeping her hands securely pressed against the pillow, he dropped his mouth back to her breasts. Bea could feel the tension in his body as he moved inside her, a sort of desperate passion that was echoed within herself. She threw her head back and her body into the rhythm of their lovemaking, to forget that she would be leaving first thing tomorrow. It was only when they were laying together, sweaty and out of breath, that she realized she was crying. Ethan must have realized it too, because he began murmuring something soothing against her skin. I've dreamed about this sort of thing for so long, Bea thought, clinging to him tightly. I've always wanted to do shoots for big magazines like this. So why was there a part of her that wanted desperately to call the whole thing off? If only Ethan were able to come with her. Then she wouldn't feel so... so frightened. "Was I that bad?" Ethan asked. It took her a long moment to realize he was joking. "No," Bea laughed, sniffling. "Silly..." "Don't worry Bea," Ethan murmured. "You'll be back before you know it." He kissed the tip of her nose lightly; that made her smile. Ethan rose carefully, sliding out of her, and helped her sit up. Bea unlaced her boots and pulled them off, then stood to finish undressing. He simply kicked off his jeans and lounged back on the bed, watching her. When she was completely nude she spun to face him, and planted her hands on her hips. "Arrogant Wolfe man," Bea said, grinning. "Are you ever going to let me take my clothes off before ravaging me?" "Maybe," Ethan answered, his grin echoing hers. "Clothes on or clothes off, you're the most beautiful creature on earth." "Stop it," Bea said, jumping onto the bed and tackling him. "You're an insufferable tease and an overbearing cornball!" "Flattery will get you nowhere, Bea," Ethan teased, grabbing hold of her as she pounced on him and pulling her down against him. She shrieked, grabbing onto him tightly, as he tumbled her over onto the bed. Bea wriggled beneath him, but there wasn't too much she could do to get the upper hand. She laughed beneath his mouth as he held her down and kissed her. While he was distracted, she poked and tickled his sides. Ethan reared back, making a soft, muffled sound as if swallowing a shriek of his own. He glowered down at her for a minute, his dark eyes narrowed. Then he lowered his head to her belly and gave her a raspberry. "Ah! Oh! Noooo!" Bea cried, kicking wildly beneath him. "Okay! I surrender, I surrender! Sto-op!" Ethan lifted his head and tossed his hair back out of his eyes. He was grinning, smug and triumphant. He looks so good, Bea thought, biting her lip. Sweat dampened his hair and made his skin glow faintly. Even though the room was dim, with only the moonlight spilling in through the window to light it, she could see that much. Smiling, she crooked a finger at him, beckoning. Ethan hesitated a moment, laughter and a bit of wariness in his eyes. Finally he came to her, stretching out over her. Bea wrapped her arms around him, and her legs around his. "I could do this all night," Ethan murmured, brushing his lips over her shoulder, "if you didn't have to get up in the morning to catch a plane." Bea smiled and reached down, pushing a lock of hair out of his face. "I can sleep on the plane." ------- It wasn't even quite light out yet. Ethan glowered at the airport, his eyes bleary from lack of sleep. He wasn't really angry, per se; it was hard to be angry when one was feeling as sated as a cat in the sun. It was just irritating that the damn plane had to leave so early. He would have liked a few more hours curled up with Bea. The two of them had made love until they were exhausted last night, but instead of going to sleep, they'd held each other and talked. Ethan had been enjoying it and even though he was dead on his feet, he could have kept talking for hours. Between him and Chase, they had all of Bea's luggage except for her carryon. Ethan had been surprised when his brother had insisted on going with them. Bailey had wanted to go, and that he'd expected, but he hadn't realized just how much Chase liked Bea. The two of them talked like brother and sister. Chase hadn't really liked Andrea very much, and had let him know at every opportunity. I guess we have little brother's approval, Ethan thought, grinning despite his tiredness. Well, I'm glad that my family likes her so much. They were the only other thing in the world that meant that much to him. "Chase," Bea said, "be a darling and get me some coffee when we get inside." Chase laughed. "Ooo, already bossing me around. You're right, Bailey, she is practically our sister-in-law." "Hey, can you see if they've got breakfast sandwiches while you're at it?" Bea asked, as they walked into the airport. "I'm starving and I hate airplane food." "Sure," Chase said. "Anything else, princess?" She stuck her tongue out at him as he walked off, laughing. By the time the were done checking the flight schedule to make sure hers was on time, and getting her luggage checked, Chase was back. They sat down together at a small grouping of tables while they waited for her flight. It was quiet for awhile, as Bea ate her breakfast. Ethan sipped at her coffee from time to time. As tired as he was, he felt like he'd never be able to sleep while she wasn't at his side. "Don't be so damn gloomy, you two," Chase grumbled, sitting back in his chair. "I mean, Bea will be back in a month. That's not that long. And she's going to see lots of clothes, Ethan. Imagine what kind of goodies she might bring with her when she comes back." "Ooo, that's right," Bea said, perking up. "I'll definitely have to check out some lingerie shops, too!" "I don't know whether to hit you or hug you for that," Ethan said, giving Chase a look that was half-annoyed and half-amused. "You'd better not be imagining my girlfriend in lingerie, or I will hit you." "What if I imagine your girlfriend in lingerie?" Bailey teased, grinning at her brother. "Would you hit me, too?" Ethan groaned and covered his head with his arms. The two of them are just incorrigible, he thought, sighing. And they won't leave me alone for a minute all damn month. In a way he was glad, though. Bailey always managed to say the right thing, and as irritating as Chase could be, he was a great brother when he tried. When it was finally time for Bea to head down to the gates, Chase and Bailey took their leave. Ethan stood with Bea, far enough away from any prying eyes. For a long moment he simply held her hands in his, rubbing her knuckles gently. When he was finally able to look up, he saw her smiling at him, sad but warm. He cupped her face in his hands and bent down, kissing her gently. Bea threw her arms around him suddenly, hugging him tight. "I'm going to miss you so much," she whispered, her voice raspy with tears. "I'll call you every day, I promise." Ethan chuckled. "That's not necessary," he told her. "Every other day is fine." "Oh, you..." Bea laughed and pulled back a bit, wiping at her tears. She smiled up at him. "I love you, Ethan." "I love you too," he murmured, lowering his head to give her another quick kiss. "Now go and make me proud, beautiful." It was the hardest thing he'd ever done, watching her walk away like that. It must have been hard for Bea, too, because she looked back again and again. Ethan stayed there, watching until she was out of sight. And even then, he found he couldn't move. Finally Chase and Bailey came, and led him out of the airport. Sandwiched between the two of them, he felt just a little tiny bit better. At least he wasn't going to have to spend this whole month by himself. "Don't worry, Ethan," Bailey said softly. "She'll be back before you know it." "Yeah," Chase agreed, uncharacteristically solemn. "And until then, you've got us." ------- Chapter 22: For Bea The airport was crowded and noisy. Ethan couldn't help a creeping sense of déjà vu as he stepped through the doors with Bailey and Chase at either side of him. True to their promise, his brother and sister had spent nearly every waking-and non-working-moment with him. He'd forgotten how much fun it could be to spend time with Chase, and how great Bailey's sense of humor was. Ethan had always been responsible for his siblings, but since their mother and father had died, he'd been more of a parent than a brother. "Dude, you look like a deer in headlights," Chase laughed. "Calm down, would ya?" "Easy for you to say," Ethan retorted. "It isn't your girlfriend who's been away for a month!" "I would only be so lucky," Chase muttered, rolling his eyes. It had been a long month, over all. Aside from working and spending time with Bailey and Chase, Ethan had done very little. Even Halloween had been a little dull, even though Chase had dressed up as a hooker. At least Bea will appreciate that picture, he thought, grinning. Personally I think Chase makes one hell of an ugly woman. He'd always found his brother's freedom refreshing, thought. Ethan himself would never be caught dead dressing up as a woman, even as a Halloween prank. They stopped inside to check the flight schedule; Bea's plane was on time. With every step Ethan's nervousness grew. What if something had happened while she was away and she suddenly found him to be too boring? Agh, this is stupid, he thought, giving himself a mental shake. Bea isn't that type... I know she isn't. The thing was, it wasn't really about being a 'type' of anything. Sometimes people just grew apart, as Ethan knew all too well. And really, how could he blame Bea if she found someone more interesting and exciting than him? It wasn't that hard to do. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, he scolded himself, as he positioned himself between Chase and Bailey to wait. It killed him, not being able to go down to the gate. Watching people flooding through the metal detectors, blocking him from getting a really good view of who was coming out next, was something akin to torture. When he finally spotted her, his heart stuttered in his chest. He supposed she didn't really look different than she had when she'd left, but all the same, Ethan thought she was even more beautiful than before. She looked like she'd just come off the runway herself; every strand of red hair was perfectly in place and her fingernails had been done, painted a pale, neutral color. The clothing she wore gave her a sophisticated look: a sexy, charcoal gray pantsuit, the type meant to emphasize just how feminine she was. The coat was open, revealing a silk blouse of a soft cream color. Ethan was aware of the fact that he was staring, but he didn't really care. All that mattered was the way her jade green eyes lit up when she saw him. "Ethan!" Both Bailey and Chase backpedaled quickly as Bea came barreling towards him. So much for sophistication, Ethan thought, grinning and opening his arms. He caught her as she reached him and lifted her up. The first thing she did was kiss him, and it felt so good that he shivered and tightened his grip on her. He set her down, still kissing her, ignoring the whispers and looks from the people around them. Finally, slightly breathless, Ethan pulled back and stared down at her. "God, it's good to see you," Bea murmured, hugging him tightly. Her eyes flickered to Bailey and Chase, and she made a high-pitched squeal of delight. "And you! Ooo, you came to pick me up too!" "Guess getting out of bed does have its benefits," Chase joked, as he was caught up in a double hug with Bea and Bailey. "So, how was the trip?" Bailey asked, when they had untangled and were walking side by side towards the baggage claim. "Wonderful!" Bea replied, bouncing slightly against Ethan's side. With her arm hooked around him, she leaned towards Bailey. "They had the most awesome lingerie shops! Wait until you see some of what I brought back!" "Hey!" Ethan said indignantly. "Me first!" Bea's laughter was sweet, just like he remembered it. She looked up at him from beneath her lashes, and her smile was wicked and teasing. As much as he was grateful for his brother and sister, in that moment Ethan kind of wished they weren't there. He wasn't going to really get a lot of time alone with Bea tonight, what with what he had planned. He'd been working on it most of the month, with the aid of Bailey and Sydney, who had been the one to give him the idea in the first place. Eventually most of the rest of the Wolfe family had joined in the preparations. Chase ended up retrieving a cart for her luggage, which had more than doubled. The stipend She had paid her was very generous and, well, she had been through some of the biggest cities in fashion in the world. It was a little odd to Ethan, how he didn't find her love of clothes to be shallow. Andrea had loved jewelry and he'd found that shallow. But maybe it was because Andrea only loved jewelry when she was getting it from other people, whereas Bea took pride in her ability to pay for herself. "Hope you're not feeling too jet lagged," Ethan said, as he and Chase loaded Bea's luggage into the back of his car. "I've got a surprise for you." "I slept most of the flight," Bea admitted, smiling sheepishly. "Even if I am jet lagged, I couldn't possibly sleep any more for awhile." "Well, isn't that lucky for you, Ethan?" Chase put in cheerfully. Ethan sighed. "Why can't you find a woman who'll set you straight?" "I don't need to do that," Chase told him, still cheerful. "That's what Bailey is for!" Ethan rolled his eyes, but Bea just laughed. She seemed really happy to be back, even though she was quiet during the ride home. They dropped Chase and Bailey off at Bailey's place-they needed to get ready, although Bea didn't know that-then continued on to their own apartment. It had been far too quiet since she'd been gone. Ethan had spent much of his time at Bailey's or Chase's, and at work, to avoid being alone there. Now her presence seemed to brighten it up. They worked together to bring her things up. Ethan offered to do it himself, but she was, of course, insistent on helping. When they were finished they dropped down together on the couch. "Ugh..." Bea groaned, putting her arms around him and pressing her head against his shoulder. "I lied. I feel like I got run over by something." Ethan chuckled. "Why don't you take a shower?" he suggested. "And I'll make you something to eat, since I imagine you wouldn't eat on the plane." "You know me too well," Bea said, her lips curving in a teasing grin. He could have sat there and kissed her for hours. Instead he kissed her once, a gentle, lingering kiss, then helped her up off the couch. While she was in the shower, Ethan cooked, and took some time to think. His mind was full of things he wanted to ask her about the trip, but they were not things she'd liked to be asked, he knew. Bea had slid back into her life here as easily as if she'd never left. He could hear her voice, muffled by the water, as she sung in the shower. It doesn't feel like anything has changed, Ethan thought, glancing back over his shoulder. It was still early enough for breakfast foods, so when Bea came out of the bathroom, he was just setting down a plate of bacon and eggs. Wearing his robe-which was much too large on her-she sat down at the table. Ethan sat next to her and picked pieces of bacon off her plate, since she never at them all. "So, are you going to tell me what this surprise is?" Bea asked. "It won't be a surprise if I do that," Ethan teased. He reached over impulsively and brushed a strand of damp hair away from her face. "Besides, I'd much rather keep you on tenterhooks all day long." Bea pouted. "You can't even give me a little hint?" Ethan paused a moment, as though thinking it over. He rose from the table and headed into the bedroom, leaving her to wonder. Marco Henderson, as it turned out, was a very nice man-not to mention very gay. Marco's outgoing attitude had made him nervous, at first, but since he was always answering Bea's phone for her, Ethan had gotten used to it. With Marco's help, he'd been able to put the finishing touches on his surprise. The dress was one Bea had, apparently, seen on the runway and fallen in love with. Rather than the green he was used to her liking, it was an icy white, the hem of the skirt embroidered in silvery vines. Made almost entirely of silk chiffon, it was light and airy, with very little back aside from crossing laces, spaghetti straps, and a cowl style neckline. It had been a struggle, between himself and Marco, to get her measurements, since the dress didn't come ready-to-wear, but they'd managed it. Watching her eyes widened, Ethan thought all of the hassle might well have been worth it. "What is this for?" Bea asked, jumping up from her chair. The rest of her eggs were forgotten. "It's still a surprise," Ethan told her, grinning. She wiped her hands clean on his robe-much to his consternation-but still seemed afraid to touch the dress, just in case she hadn't managed to get all the bacon grease off her fingers. Bea looked up at him, her soft, jade green eyes filled with warmth. It was that look she gave him whenever he'd shown her that he'd been paying very good attention to what she was saying. Ethan set the dress aside very carefully, then reached for her. He pulled the robe open and pushed it back off her shoulders. "I just showered," Bea murmured, as he lowered his mouth to hers. "I'm going to get all sweaty again." Ethan chuckled. "Yes," he agreed, right before his mouth touched hers, "you are." ------- The dress had been stunning enough. Bea had seen it in France, during a Vera Wang segment, and she'd really loved it. She'd had no idea that Marco had gone behind her back and become Ethan's secret accomplice, although it did explain why he'd insisted on getting her that custom made pantsuit: her measurements. She didn't even want to think about what the cost must have been, because that would spoil her evening. Bea had perked right out of her jetlag-induced funk as soon as the limo had pulled up. Well, okay, part of the reason she'd been so exhausted was the fact that Ethan had pretty much pounced on her, but that wasn't something she was going to complain about. Alastair had lent them his dance studio, which now looked-no doubt to his dismay-like hotel ballroom set up for senior prom. Which, from what Bea understood, was the desired effect. Apparently it had been Sydney who had first told her brother that a certain redhead had never had the opportunity to go to prom. It was perhaps the corniest thing anyone had ever done for her... and perhaps the greatest, too. And it tickled Bea pink to see everyone, even Quinn, dressed up for the occasion. Later she would have to ask someone how they'd convinced Gabriel to go along with it, too. "You are such a goofball," Bea told Ethan, resting her head on his shoulder as they swayed to the music. "I can't believe you set this up!" "Oh, I had a lot of help," Ethan assured her. "I never could have pulled this off on my own. Apparently I wouldn't know a pretty punch bowl if it jumped up and bit me on the ass." Bea laughed. "Sounds like Bailey had control of decorating." "And control of Chase, too," Ethan said, grinning. "He spent more time running around picking things up, or hanging things up, than anyone else." Which he was currently making up for by downing cups of punch mixed with vodka. –Eww, Bea thought, wrinkling her nose. Someone needs to teach that boy what to drink. He'd tried-and failed-to spike the punch, so he'd ended up just spiking his own. Chase was a cheerful drunk, even with Gabriel yelling at him whenever he got too close, and he certainly made the affair a lively one. And a good thing, too, Bea thought, looking up at Ethan. I thought things were fine earlier, when he uh... but now he looks kind of down. "Yes?" Ethan asked, when he noticed her watching him. "Well... you look..." Bea began. She shrugged. "You look like something's wrong." Ethan frowned. "Nothing is really... well..." He sighed. "I suppose it isn't nothing, it's just that what it is, is pretty stupid." "Uh huh," Bea said, raising her eyebrows at him skeptically. "Out with it." "Just, you know, the usual fears," Ethan explained, looking uncomfortable. "All those places you went must have been so exciting. And the people..." "Were pretty exciting too," Bea agreed. She stopped for a moment, to think about what she wanted to say, then decided to just say it. "Look, Ethan... if you're wondering if people made... well, offers, so to speak then... yes, they did," she admitted. "And you know, last year, I probably would have taken quite a few of them up on it, because many of them were models and... uh, never mind." She grinned sheepishly and went on, "But this year, while it was flattering, it was like..." "Not for you?" Ethan suggested, his voice sounding hopeful. Bea nodded. "Not for me," she replied. "Who knows... maybe I've actually grown up. But I felt like... like it would have been irresponsible of me, even if there wasn't someone in my life that I loved dearly." She frowned. "Does this mean I'm getting old?" Ethan's laughter made her grin. She did feel a little old, or perhaps the correct term was older. Wiser, maybe, more mature. Marco had told her that turning down hot models that wanted to have equally hot sex was not really a sign of maturity, but he'd been joking-at least, she was pretty sure he'd been joking. Bea hadn't regretted turning any of them down, though. She liked the stability and comfort she got in her relationship with Ethan. Plus, Ethan didn't parade around in front of tons of people like he was God's gift to the world. And he actually wanted more from her than to just get in her pants. "Let's go sit for awhile," Ethan said, as the song ended. He lead her over to a table where Gabriel, Aislinn, Quinn, and Xandri were sitting. Much to her surprise, Quinn was holding Odelia, seemingly unconcerned by what she might spit up on his Armani suit. Bea and Ethan took a seat opposite Gabriel and Aislinn, which placed her right next to Quinn. She reached over, letting Odelia grab hold of her finger. "Practicing, Uncle Quinn?" Bea teased. Quinn just smiled. "Something like that," he said. "Just what we need," Gabriel grumbled. "Another one! Like we haven't got enough problems with the nine... excuse me, Deli, ten!... we already have." Odelia gurgled cheerfully. Quinn laughed. "Dad, I think that was her way of telling you to deal with it." "Great," Gabriel said, rolling his eyes. "Can't even speak yet, and she's already giving me lip." But there was a smile tugging stubbornly at the corners of his mouth. "Don't mind him," Aislinn said, patting her husband's arm. "He's just grumpy because I didn't let Chase spike the punch. Come on, honey, let's dance." Gabriel allowed himself to be pulled out of his chair and led out onto the dance floor. Bea could see from where she sat the way his demeanor changed as he pulled Aislinn close. At least I know where Quinn gets that occasional surly streak from, she thought, grinning. Even if Quinn's is more like a permanent surly streak, rather than an occasional one. With Aislinn and Gabriel gone, she turned her attention to Quinn, who was carefully handing Odelia over to Xandri. "So, are you going to have one of your own?" Bea asked. "Eventually," Xandri answered, as she reached for the bottle that had been left on the table. "As I already told Quinn, I'd really like another year or two with only my husband to have to worry about... one kid is enough right now." "And yet somehow people think I'm the mean one!" Quinn huffed in mock indignation. "If only they realized how much you abuse me!" Bea turned away as the two of them got cozy. They really could be downright sickening sometimes. She turned her attention to Ethan, who was watching her, a smile on his face. He caught her hand from beneath the table and, just like that time on vacation, lifted it to his mouth. I definitely missed him more than anything or anyone else, Bea thought, scooting her chair closer so she could lean against him. Next time I'm going to find a way to bring him with me. "Happy to be home?" Ethan asked, putting an arm around her shoulders and resting his head against hers. Bea smiled. "There's nowhere in the world I'd rather be." ------- The End ------- Posted: 2005-05-14 Last Modified: 2005-07-19 / 03:50:39 pm ------- http://storiesonline.net/ -------