Storiesonline.net ------- Hello by Barneyr Copyright© 2012 by Barneyr ------- Description: I received a joke by e-mail today and it hit me that there was a short story in that humor. I had to sit right down and polish off this story in order to get back on one of my other stories I was in the middle or writing. Codes: MF cons het humor cheat ------- After many, many emails I feel compelled to repost this story with a PS. Here is 'the rest of the story', as Paul Harvey would say. Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, "Hello?" "Hi Honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But, Honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now." Brief pause. "Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway." "Okay, Daddy, just a minute." A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy." "And what happened, Honey?" "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on, and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the throw rug, hit her head on the dresser, and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'" Long Pause Longer Pause Even Longer Pause I'll give you the punch line later on. Anyway this got me to thinking, and somehow this story came into my head ... and, well, here it is. BR Chapter 1 I've been feeling that something isn't just right at home. I drive a short distance truck for a living. I am home between runs probably three to four days a week. I usually have some day runs when I'm home, except on the weekends. My schedule is known to both me and my wife when I go into work on Monday mornings. For the last year, my wife has been kind of all over the map as far as her emotions and her bitchiness. She says it's two things; her stress at work, and my being gone too much, but neither item is going to change right now. We need her job to make ends meet, and I need my job as well. I get paid more when I do the long hauls since I get paid by the mile. I could certainly make more if I was gone more, but then we get into the whole can of worms about me being gone too much now. I explained that if we could hold out another year, then maybe I could get that inside job as dispatcher and route planner. That would pay almost as much as if I did only long distance driving. The great thing would be that I would be home every night. Oh yeah, my name is Billy Bob Thorne, and I've been married to my sweetheart, Kelly, for over eight years now. We have a girl, Becky, aged six. We're hoping for a boy soon, but we don't seem to be having much luck in getting her pregnant. We wanted the kids to be about four to five years apart, but no luck so far. Kelly told me she stopped the pills two years ago when we decided to try for the boy that we hoped for. When I was out on a three-day run to Corpus Christi, I had a doctor check me out and he told me the results when I went back down there the next month. He said I was very fertile and should have no problem siring children. I also had him do a DNA test on me too so I could make sure that my little Becky was really mine. We had had a DNA test done on Becky when she started school, since they had a county health team at the school doing the tests for safety and identification reasons, in case of kidnapping, abduction, or death. I got home that Thursday and Kelly was at work, so I copied Becky's DNA chart on my printer and put it with my work papers. I did a little snooping on our computer to see if I could find anything that didn't belong. You know websites, e-mails, etc. I couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. I also checked Kelly's drawers and found something stashed under some of her old flannel gowns that she uses during the winter. I found a new box of birth control pills. The prescription was only a week old. To say that I was pissed would be an understatement of the highest order. Here I thought that Kelly wanted to have another child, and all along she was still taking birth control pills to make sure I was essentially shooting blanks. The next question now was: is she doing it because she doesn't want to have another child, or is she doing it because she's cheating on me. I was going to find about that last part first. If she wasn't cheating, then it was about her not wanting more kids and she should have told me. The sex was slowing down lately; not in the number of times, but in the quality. For about the last two months, it has been get in, move some, then get off and go to sleep. There was no love there anymore. It was like she was only there so I could get my rocks off, then she didn't want anything to do with me again until I came home from the next trip. Kelly worked for a fair-sized family-owned insurance agency. She started out as a receptionist and now was an agent. There were seven agents, a receptionist, and an accountant working out of a duplex home that had been converted into an office, not more than five miles down the way from our subdivision. She worked part time until Becky was in school all day, and then she started working full time. She worked the same hours as Becky's school hours and worked Saturday mornings to get her forty hours. I worked about fifty-five hours a week, when you counted my ten hours on the road for each long run, and about eight hours when I was at home running local hauls. I was completely off two days a week, but they were Saturday and one other day, sometimes it was Sunday, other times it might be any day of the week. We had a nice four-bedroom, two-story house with a fair-sized backyard and we were saving for a pool and a sauna to be put in next year. We already had a hot tub on the back deck where I liked to relax with Kelly after Becky went to bed, especially after a three day run. I went to college and got an electrical engineering degree, however, when I graduated I couldn't find a job around here. A friend of my Uncle Ray's needed drivers. I drove for him during the summers, earning money for college and saving for a marriage. My 5'-11", 190 lb frame is quite muscular, since I do throw boxes and pallets around in my job. A lot of the places where I deliver don't have a full shipping and receiving department, so it's usually me and one other guy, loading and unloading my semi. Most places have either a forklift or pallet jack, and I also have two dollies on my truck. So, I'm not some dummy that can only drive truck. I just wanted to get that right out of the way, even if I still kinda write like I talk. We weren't what you would call rich, but we were doing all right, and I sure couldn't spring the cash for some PI to go snooping around. Besides, Kelly does the bill paying for us, and she would notice any expenditure for something like that. So I went down to my local electronics supply house and looked around for a few choice things that could help me find out if I was being cheated on. I got a phone tap that I could use on our landline, and the guy said he had something I really needed if I was spying on my wife. He had a small transmitter that I could put in her purse. It would transmit to a receiver in the house, and had a five mile radius if I added an antenna on top of the house for signal pickup. It would record onto a CD or DVD recorder. He said I could have everything in what they called their Cheating Spouse Spy Kit for under two hundred. I scrimped and saved on my meals on the road for the next week, and saved up the $200 for the kit. They did tell me that, for an extra hundred, I could wire the bedroom for video and sound that would record to the same recorder. All the items were wireless, but I would need to change discs more often as the bugs were sound activated, and the video was motion activated. I told them I might be back next week for the cameras. I had to wait three days after my purchases, before my scheduled days off coincided with Kelly working and Becky being in school. I had borrowed a hundred from my boss, and he let me pay him back in installments at $25 a payday; that is, once he knew why I needed the money. I put the camera next to the mirror on her dresser that overlooked the bed. I added the receiver in the spare bedroom (or, as well call it, 'the junk room'). I then cleaned the gutters out, installed the antenna, and checked everything out. The bedroom camera and the mike worked fantastically. The landline bug was perfect, and I put it on the answering machine in the office bedroom. Now I only needed to add the bug to Kelly's purse. I got instructions on how to track her whereabouts by her cell phone's GPS, and got that added to my cell phone. I was now set to see what happened. Two weeks had gone by and nothing of interest showed up. I heard lots of conversations, and a few nights of Kelly sleeping when I wasn't at home, but no cheating. I guess I was out of luck in that regard. I guess it was that Kelly didn't want any more children. I was in San Angelo, spending the night and leaving early in the morning. I had too many hours on the road and really needed a good ten hours of rest, but I could get away with five or six. It was about 5:30 PM when I called home. Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, "Hello?" "Hi, Honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, I said, "But, Honey, you don't have an Uncle Paul." "Oh yes I do and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy right now." Brief pause. "Uh, okay, then ... this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table. Run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door, and shout to Mommy that Daddy's truck just pulled into the driveway." "Okay, Daddy! Just a minute!" A few minutes later the little girl came back to the phone. "I did it, Daddy." "What happened, Honey?" "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on, and ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the throw rug, hit her head on the dresser, and now she isn't moving at all!" "Oh my God! What about your Uncle Paul?" "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared and jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know that you took the water out last week to clean it. He hit the bottom of the pool, and I think he's dead.'" Long pause. Longer pause. Even longer pause. Then I said, "Swimming pool? Is this 486-5555?" "No. I think you have the wrong number." "You should call the police Honey." I quickly closed my phone and sat down, heavily. Oh My GOD! I looked down at my cell phone, and hit 'last number dialed'. It was 4 9 6-5555. Well, there was one marriage that had ended, and the poor sap of a husband didn't even know I helped him out. So, I tried again. Chapter 2 Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, "Hello?" "Hi, Honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No, Daddy. Mommy's not home yet. I'm kind of worried about her. She's normally home by now. I had to use the key by the garage to get in." "Don't worry, Sweetheart, I'll call Mommy and get her home right away. That was very smart of you to remember about that key, Honey. You just wait right there at home, and don't let anyone in but Mommy or Grandma. Okay, Honey?" "Okay, Daddy, I love you. Are you coming home tonight?" "I'll be home as soon as I can, Honey. You be a brave girl and do what Daddy said, okay?" "Yes, Daddy." I hung up and looked for Kelly's location on my phone. According to this she was at the office. So I called her office. "Fletcher Insurance Agency, how may I help you?" said the receptionist, and I recognized the voice. "This is Billy Bob Thorne, is Kelly there? If so, I really need to speak to her! It's kind of urgent!" "Of course, Billy Bob. I think they're in conference with John, the owner, but I'll buzz him." I was put on hold, then a very breathless voice came on the phone, "Billy, what so urgent, has something happened to you?" "No, but there may be something happening to you shortly." "What do you mean, Billy? What about me?" "How could you just leave Becky at home alone? She is very worried about you, and so am I. Why aren't you at home where you belong?" "We had a meeting, and it ran a little longer than it was supposed to. I'll hurry up here and rush home to Becky. I'm so sorry about this, Honey. I gotta go so I can get right home." While I was listening to her I could hear some grunts and groans, and they were not coming from Kelly. Her voice sounded like she was trying to talk while being jostled ... like she was getting fucked ... hard. The other thing was that there was more than one other voice in that room. Now I was really pissed. I called my mom who lived in the same subdivision that we did, but about three blocks away. "Mom, can you go over to the house and pick Becky up? Kelly is working late and I'm stuck in San Angelo. I have to wait another five hours before I can drive again. I want you to take Becky and some clothes for her and keep her there. And, Mom, DON'T let Kelly take her away from you. If necessary, go somewhere for at least a few hours, like maybe to the park over by the ball fields. Kelly would never look for you there. Take your cell phone so that I can call you." "Billy Bob Thorne! What is going on ... and why all the rush?" "Mom, I think Kelly is cheating on me, and I know she left Becky on her own. Becky had to get the spare key to let herself into the house. I need her out of Kelly's hands until I can get home. I can't leave here for another five hours, and it will take me at least four to drive home. Please promise me that you will do as I ask! I'll call Becky to let her know you are coming to get her." "I'll do it, Billy; but I want a damned good explanation when you get home." "Bye, Mom, I love you too." I called Becky back, and explained that Mommy got held up at work. I told Becky that she was going to stay at Grandma's tonight. I then called my lawyer and asked for a restraining order for my wife since she left my daughter alone in our home to go fuck her boss. I said I would probably have proof as soon as I could get home, but the big thing was the abandonment of a child of just seven years of age from 3:30 until I called at 5:30. If she hadn't remembered the spare key by the garage's rear door, she would have been outside of a locked house with no parent. He already knew I was looking for evidence of Kelly cheating on me, so I was sure he would rush this. I turned my phone off and went inside the warehouse and called my boss on their phone. He said he would help Helen, my mother, with everything. He was almost as pissed at Kelly as I was. He had known our family for a long time, and he loved Becky too. I did ask him if he thought I could still drive home tonight. He said I had to wait out my time; but that he would contact my mom and let her know to bring Becky and herself over to his place tonight. Margaret and he would look after both of them. My mom had divorced my dad two years ago due to his cheating on her, so I'm sure she could understand. I gave him my mom's cell number. I went over to the local La Quinta and got a room and tried to rest. I called my younger brother, Jerry Jeff, and told him what was going on and that I wanted him to keep an eye on my house. "No problemo, Bro, I'll get some of the guys together and make sure nothing happens. What number can I reach you at?" I gave him the number for the motel and my room number, and he said he would be taking off shortly. Jerry was a member of a motorcycle club; no gang, just a club that did a lot of charity work, wore a patch and everything, but they were good people. I knew the homestead would be safe, and I knew he wouldn't let Kelly give him any shit about anything. She was totally afraid of him and his club members. Jerry got the height in the family, and I guess I got a lot of the brains. Jerry was 6-4 and 240 lbs, with not an ounce of fat. He had a full beard and looked like he could snap your body in half. Well, maybe he could. He was a Marine for 4 years and got out because of the chickenshit way the military was run nowadays. Jerry was a year younger than my thirty-one, and other than being taller and weighing more, we were like two peas in a pod. I was clean shaven though, and we were both very fit. I tried to sleep again, but of course, sleep wouldn't come, so I took two sleeping tablets. I was out like a light inside a half hour. I woke up to the ringing of the motel phone six hours later. It was my wake-up call. I showered, got dressed, and headed out for home. It was just after 1:00AM by now, and I was headed east for Georgetown. About an hour later, I finally turned my cell back on, but there are a lot of places on US 87 that have no cell service. I did have like twenty-three messages on my phone. I listened to the first five, and all five were from Kelly. She wanted to know where Becky was and why was I so pissed. Then I got the one where she had been served with the restraining order, and she was cussing up a storm. That's when I heard someone say she was going to the station. I called Jerry Jeff, and he told me about the police showing up about twenty minutes after Kelly got home at 7:15. She looked like she had been rode hard and put up wet. Then the cops began searching all around the neighborhood, looking for Becky. My mom had apparently locked my house back up and put the spare key back where it belonged. She even took Becky's schoolbook bag so that it looked like Becky had never come home. Then, about a half hour later, a Deputy Constable came driving up and served Kelly with the restraining order. Then all hell broke loose, and that's when the cops took Kelly down to the station. Everything had been quiet since then. Kelly still hadn't come home yet, but they were keeping watch. One of my neighbors had even invited JD in for a Coke and cookies. Now that had to be a picture! JD is, like, six-three at three hundred pounds. He looks meaner than a junk yard dog on steroids, but he is one of the sweetest guys I know. If provoked, he could probably kill you ten times over. It would take either a lot of pushing, or the right button getting pushed, but then it'd be: 'Katie-bar-the-door!' Mrs. Sherman was an older widow who lived three doors down and across the street from us. She is as sweet as can be. She apparently saw JD hanging around her garage door watching our house. Jerry said she walked up to him bold as can be, and asked what he was doing hanging around her house. She had a mop handle behind her back, and Jerry almost busted a gut trying not to laugh. JD sheepishly told her he was watching my house for me, because Kelly was being a bad girl. I guess she told him that he could see just fine from her front window, and he could have something cool to drink. He accepted and they went in the house, and that's where he stayed until Kevin came to relieve him. If this whole mess wasn't so heartbreaking, it would be a laugh riot. I pulled into the yard at 5:20 AM. I backed the truck into my slot, locked it up, and headed home in my ten year old Toyota pickup. Kelly's three year old Lexus was already in the drive. I signaled the guys that all was well, and I heard some cycles roar off. I went inside and the house was a shambles. Well, the downstairs was anyway. I went up to the spare room and removed the DVD and played it back on the computer. There was no activity on the camera, but I got some real interesting stuff on the audio from Kelly's purse. For the two days I was gone, she fucked at least three people. John Fletcher, the boss; David Fletcher, his son; and Jason Alexander, one of the agents. Then we got to yesterday afternoon; when they started about 2:30 and went non-stop to almost 7:00 PM. Kelly had been done by those three, a 'Brian', and there was a 'Jerome', too. Now they were not agents from the firm, so they had to be customers or something. I made a copy for my records and had the original ready to take to my lawyer when I heard the front door slam. "Billy Bob Thorne, where the hell are you and what the fuck have you done with my daughter?" I had just walked out of our bedroom when she topped the stairs with murder in her eyes. "There you are, you bastard, now where is my daughter? She was not here when I got home from work and even the police can't find her, AND, what the fuck is this restraining order thing you had me served with? Well speak up, you wimp!!" "First, Kelly Ann Thorne, I am divorcing your whoring ass due to adultery; and I'm taking MY DAUGHTER away from you. She is my daughter, and I have the DNA profile to prove it. I also have the proof that you have been cheating on me. I know that I called you at 5:30, and you didn't drag your whoring ass back home until 7:15. Why does it take almost two hours to drive the five miles from work to home? I also have pictures on which you look like you had pulled a train before you came home. That would put MY daughter out in the heat, with no parental supervision from 3:30 to 7:15. "So, for almost four hours, my daughter was at risk to being molested, kidnapped, or killed; all because you couldn't keep your legs closed. So leave my house ... yes, that's right, my house. I had this house before you came into the marriage, and that precious pre-nup you insisted on will make sure you get nothing from the divorce except what you came in with: the clothes on your back, and that's all. Now leave before I have to throw your cheating, lying ass out of here. I'll have all your personal belongings boxed up and set in the garage. You can have a Deputy Constable come with you to pick it up in two days, and don't think that your fuck buddies will be getting away scot-free, either. I'm working on their asses as we speak. So goodbye, whore! Have a lousy life." I started to walk away, then turned back and glared at her with an expression Jerry Jeff taught me. Kelly was staring at me and saw the look. She quickly turned around and left. ------- It's been six months, now. The divorce is final, and the suits are in the works. The Fletcher Insurance Agency is now closed for good. Kelly is looking for work, but who knows how long that will take in this economy. She got out with just what she brought into the marriage: nothing. Her car was taken back, as it was leased by the agency. She had no family locally, and no job. She left right after the final court date and I haven't heard from her since. Because she was employed when I filed, she owes back child support; but with her being a woman, the courts won't pursue her like they would a man. So I struggle along. Mom watches Becky after school until I get home from work. I got the dispatcher's job and I make enough to support us. Maybe I will find a woman sometime later, and I can learn to love all over again. I know that Becky needs a mother, but my mom fills the bill for right now. So that's my story. I hope I can find love someday. I am a little leery right now, but one can always hope for that bright future everyone dreams of. ------- Epilogue I read something funny in the newspaper a couple of days after the dreaded phone call home to Becky that started this whole thing. It seems that not ten blocks away from our home in another subdivision a Paul Sanders was found dead sprawled naked in an empty swimming pool at his sister-in-law's home. Six year old minor child Sanders called the police shortly after receiving a strange phone call from someone who she thought was her daddy. Her mother Alice Saunders was found unconscious in her bedroom, also naked with a severe concussion. William Sanders was not home at the time and was informed of all this when police tracked him down in a hotel in Little Rock, Arkansas. He was there for a sales meeting with several clients of his company. Then a couple of weeks later I read in the classifieds the standard divorce notice in the legal section that he would no longer be responsible for any debts incurred by Alice Marie Sanders, nee Applewhite. So I guess that divorce was in the works too. I called the guy after I saw the notice in the classifieds and said that he should thank me as I was the one that had phoned his home inadvertently. Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg, "Hello?" "Is this William Sanders?" "Yes." "William I am the gentleman caller that started the whole thing with your brother and your wife. I was calling to talk to my daughter as I was on the road. I think that we have a lot in common." "Was your wife screwing around with your brother too?" "No, she did her screwing around at work, but that's a story for around a few beers." "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." "I hope that you will be getting custody of your daughter, as I will have custody of mine soon." "Yes my mother has her when I'm at work, but I think you're right we need to meet sometime and have a few beers and tell our stories and maybe we can become friends. I really need some real friends right now. I thought that my brother was my best friend, but apparently he wasn't that good a friend or brother." "I think I would like that William. My name is Billy Bob Thorne." "Billy Bob its Bill to you. How about that, Bill and Billy are going to be friends." Well to make a long story short in this concern, Bill and I are now friends, Rachael and Becky are friends too, but they have always been friends as they see each other in school. Our two moms take turns keeping the girls after school and things are maybe looking up. Bill has an older sister-in-law that is now divorced and is looking for a solid non-cheating man to take care of her. I'm slowly thinking I might try out for the position. Bill found out his PA at work has had a crush on him for some time now and he is pursuing that option too. I guess this may have worked out the better for both of us. ------- Edited by TeNderLoin & Pepere Proofreading by bettyr & Prissy_35503 ------- The End ------- Posted: 2012-08-16 Last Modified: 2012-08-17 / 11:59:33 am Version: 1.10 ------- http://storiesonline.net/ -------