"Engineer Pryor, what is sex?"
Katheryn Pyror's grip on the logic probe faltered. She froze, one foot still on the deck and another foot braced against the access ladder. There was nothing but silence and the omnipresent hum of the spaceship's life support for a few seconds.
"What did you say, Joy?"
"My inquiry was about the nature of sex. My database does not cover the topic."
Her mind raced. What did her training say about this? They'd taught her to impart social skills, how to fix fragile qubit relays and the best way to defuse existentialist ennui. They hadn't told her 'oh, you might need to give an AI The Talk' or 'here's how to teach an artificial mind about the birds and the bees'. Three damn years and not even so much as a footnote.
"I - where did this come from?"
"During the week I have spent installed in this ship, I have observed a minority of crewmembers engaging in leisure activities that my database identifies as sex. As it is focused on the operation of this cruiser's systems, it does not contain any information on the topic."
"Uh-"
"I have come to the conclusion that it is another aspect of interaction I have not yet learned. Engineer Pryor, what is sex?"
Katheryn stepped back down from the ladder turned to sit on the floor, folding her legs under her as she slid her back down the wall. She let the logic probe roll out of her hand.
"Oh god."
"Is something wrong, Engineer Pryor?"
"It's - nothing. I just don't know how to begin."
"As a first line of inquiry, Crewman Ashford indicated last night that he would like to 'suck that rock-hard rod' to Crewm-"
"Oh god, Joy! Stop! I don't want to hear about the crew's sex lives!"
"...I don't understand, Engineer Pryor."
The fuzzy, synthetic voice coming from the PA system in the ceiling had sounded hurt. Katheryn shut her eyes and tilted her head back until it thumped against the plastic wall.
"It's not your fault. Look, you know how people like to interact in different ways?"
"Yes, Engineer Pryor. I have noticed a total of 62 different methods of social bonding in this crew such as-"
"Well, this is like another method."
"I see."
There was another few seconds of silence. Joy seemed to be waiting.
"It's... intimate."
"I see."
"Most people don't talk openly about it. It's like a secret that everyone knows."
"I see."
Katheryn knew from experience that Joy didn't. She was just waiting for more data that would hopefully fit it all together.
"Okay. Humans procreate, right?"
"Yes, Engineer Pryor."
"Via in-vitro insemination."
"Yes, Engineer Pryor."
"Do you know how that happens?"
"Semen enters the vaginal trac-"
"No, as in - do you know why the semen gets there?"
"I do not understand, Engineer Pryor."
"Sex... is like this thing people do. It's the first physical stage of procreation."
"I see."
"Although it's not just between men and women. People of the same gender do it too."
"I see."
"It's a pleasurable act between two people. It's... an evolved reaction to procreation. So we'd do it more."
"Ah, a survival measure."
"Exactly."
Talking about it in such a clinical and detached fashion was making this much easier, Katheryn thought. With closed eyes, she could drift away from the absurdity of the conversation.
"So the pleasurable aspect is why it is a desirable leisure activity?"
"Yes, exactly!"
"Why is it done in private?"
"I don't know the answer to that question. It's just a nebulous rule of society."
"Is it always two people?"
Katheryn's eyes flew open. She couldn't get away from the burning embarrassment now.
"Not - not always. Sometimes people... ah, do it by themselves. Very rarely it can be a group, uh, thing, as well."
"Thank you,  Engineer Pryor. This is very informative. It explains a number of instances where crew behaviour would otherwise indicate insanity."
"That's good to hear, Joy."
Katheryn breathed out a sigh of relief. She'd done it. Sex-ed for an artificial intelligence. Once she'd finished going over the fourth relay set, she was going to drink until she couldn't remember this.
Humming tunelessly, Katheryne grabbed the logic probe from where it lay, stood back up and finished her checks. She was just fitting the plastic covers back over the delicate relays when Joy's voice buzzed from above again.
"When I have observed participants in sex, they often appear to stimulate the erogenous zones. Am I correct in deducing that this is their primary function?"
Oh god not more.
"Yes, it is, Joy."
"Could you show me?"
Katheryne froze again. What the hell was Joy asking?
"No! Uh, no, Joy!"
"I apologise. I have overstepped social boundaries."
"Yes!"
"I will ask at a later, more appropriate time."
"Whatever!"
By this time Katheryne was desperately trying to pack away her tools into her belt pouch and leg it out of there. She had no idea how Joy had interpreted her flustered dismissal until a few days later...