female aide
Here they are, sir. Exactly the way you ordered.
romney
My tax-free profits from offshore investments?
aide
No, sir. That will be tomorrow. Today it’s the, er ahem.
romney
The what, woman? Speak up, or I’ll fire you. I do love to fire people. (grins)
aide
(Ignoring him. He talks like this all the time)The H-A-R-E-M.
romney
H. . . A. . . R. . .
aide
I forgot. You don’t know how to spell —
romney
Who cares about spelling? It’s a waste of time, like math and science.
aide
And telling the truth.
romney
So just spit it out then, before I cut your hair.
aide
Take it easy, sir. I’m not gay. Binders. Mormon binders.
romney
Is that right? (smiling) Just like my Grandpappy done had. Back to my roots.
aide
Exactly sir. Here they are. (brings in a stack of thick binders)
romney
What’s this one on the bottom?
aide
You might want to look at the rest, sir.
romney
I want to look at that one. What’s in it?
aide
Twelve ten-year-old girls. All from the middle class.
romney
(roaring with laughter)You know I do love to screw the middle class? Who needs ’em anyway. A bunch of skulking liberals, lurking for a handout. Makes you just sick, don’t it? All on food stamps, probably. (He leafs through the binder)
aide
Regrettably, sir, you will need them to vote for you, sir, if you wish to win the election.
romney
(angry) What’s with that, anyway? Who decided to let their kind into the election?!
aide
Easy, sir. You know that the GOP is doing everything possible to suppress their vote.
romney
About time, too. Democracy is no place for Democrats.
aide
Spoken like a true American, sir. And a good Christian. So now maybe you’d like to inspect the H-A-R. . .
romney
Yes, yes, I’m not that stupid. I know how to spell ‘Binders.’ Well, then let’s have a look at them.
aide
Aren’t you afraid of a scandal, sir?
romney
Nonsense. Democrats are too polite to kick up a proper scandal. I’ll just shake the etch-a-sketch. Besides, they haven’t got turd blossom. Plus with all that super-PAC money we have now, we’ll just buy the whole election.
aide
Good plan, sir.
romney
So where are these dang females, anyway.
aide
Right this way, sir. Down the hall, room 369.
romney
I always get lost in this place, and it’s my own home.
aide
Yes, sir.
romney
Those ‘occupy’ hypocrites have no idea what it’s like to be burdened with so much wealth. I oughta go cut their hair for ’em. It’s just wrong.
aide
And here we are, sir. Room 369. (she opens the door, and they enter the room.)
romney
Glorious light of Jesus. And all in pastel prairie dresses. Where did you ever find the outfits?
aide
Custom made, sir. Just for the occasion.
romney
Wow. Twelve ten-year-old girls in prairie dresses. Gazing at that’s enough to make any Mormon prick hard.
aide
(smiling) And we all know you’re the biggest Mormon prick there is, sir.
romney
Bet your little booty I am. Well now, where do I begin. . . I won’t need to ask for your birth certificate, will I?
dark-skinned girl
No, sir. I was born in India.
romney
Good I’ll fuck you in the ass then, har har! So tell me, before you turn around and bend over, what brings you to this neck of the woods?
dark-skinned girl
My family has sent me here as a present, sir. I was sold to child traffickers who brought me here. As a thanks to Bain Capital for providing all of my relatives with fine jobs. At a fraction of the pay that American workers were making performing the same tasks, we are all very happy. (she smiles)
romney
(smiles back) Heartwarming. Now bend over. Too bad you’re not a boy.
aide
(shocked) Sir, I thought you were opposed to homosexuality.
romney
I’m not gay.
aide
(reluctantly) Wishing to insert your penis into the anus of a young boy does not make you gay?
romney
Not in a thousand years. Etch-a-sketch.
(He unzips his pants, and pulls out his hard cock. The Indian girl bends over and bares her ass. He rams it in uncermoniously. While he is sodomizing her, he looks around at the other girls.)
romney
Well now, who do we have here?
girl in glasses
Guess.
romney
Why, you do look mighty familar.
(girl smiles coyly)
romney
What’s your name?
girl in glasses
(hesitates, then tells him) Sarah.
romney
It’s on the tip of my tongue. Speaking of which, I want to see the tip of your tongue on my little Mormon after I’m done with this little sweetie. How’s it feel, darlin’?
indian girl
Quite painful, sir.
romney
(chuckles) That’s not my problem, is it?
indian girl
Fortunately, sir, we have many misogynists in my own country, so I am accustomed to it.
romney
Good thing for that. Whatever you just said. But isn’t there something about selling your daughter into slavery that’s. . . I don’t know.
aide
Immoral?
indian girl
Not at all, sir. It happens quite frequently in the Bible.
romney
That settles it then.
indian girl
And many of our ancient kings were polygamous, the way the Hebrew kings in the old testament were. Like your Mormons.
romney
Well, ain’t you a walking encyclopedia. Maybe you can tell me who this ‘Sarah’ is over here.
indian girl
I believe she would like you to guess.
romney
Let me look at you. Here, it will be easier if you’re right in front of me.
(he pops his cock out of the Indian girl’s behind, and walks over to Sarah, getting ready to stick it in her mouth.)
romney
Hey, what’s that in your hand?
sarah
Butt-plug.
romney
Whoa whoa whoa, there. What are you planning to do with that thing?
sarah
Drill baby, drill! (she shoves the butt plug up his ass)
romney
It’s on the tip of my tongue. . . Give me another hint.
sarah
Shooting helpless animals from a helicopter.
romney
(snaps fingers) Got it! My, you do look just exactly like a little Sarah Palin. Oh my God. And you blow like her, too! Oh my God! Now there’s a religious experience.