Hi Kristin.

Hi Maggie.

Right on time.  I like that.

I'm so nervous.

Well let's see if we can't shift from nervous to excited.  That's a
higher gear to run at.  So did you bring a uniform within our dress
code?

Ah, er, I didn't realize that that was on me.

Actually it's not, we give you a clothing allowance.  But, don't
worry, we have plenty of options to get you set for tonight.  Why
don't you get out of those things and we'll go shopping in the company
reserves, shall we?

I didn't realize this was such a big place.

Yes it holds a lot of people.

It must have cost a fortune to create this space.

Sylvia wanted the best and she worked it out.  There are a couple of
places that try to match our appeal, but so far, knock on wood, they
haven't been successful.  Now, it is your first day, so you may feel
more comfortable wearing pantyhose like these with a modesty panel,
but I should tell you, should you decide to wear pantyhose without the
modesty panel, it is pay and a half.

That is placing a great deal of emphasis on our crotches, isn't it?

Yes it is.  Let me explain something to you.  The phenomenon we have
created here is a highly sexualized atmosphere, where you can look all
you want, but no touching in or outside the club.  When you are out
there and meet the other servers, you are going to see nothing but
fantastic legs encased in pantyhose.  Those legs run all the way up to
the triangular sash that crosses in front and back right at the
crotch, no more no less, you see?

Now I'm starting to shift my gears.

Good.  When you are out there, everyone, including the staff will be
thinking about and imagining having communion with the vortex of your
nylon clad legs.  That is, everyone with the exception of the ladies
escorted in with the men.  Now here's the rub.  I don't recommend you
having relationships with people you work with.  You are not allowed
to have relationships with the men, but then again you don't want to,
right?

No Ma'am.

That leaves the escorted ladies.  You're going to find that you are
attracted to them because they are new, fresh, and ready, but alas,
unavailable to you.  This club does more to get people screwing than
any other place on earth.  The aroma of lust, fine food and spirits is
so addictive, you'll see the same people over and over again, as well
as, people from all over the world that make it a point to visit
ProperPH on their itineraries.  If it was me naming this place, I'd
call it "Nether-Nether Land".

My god.

Yes my dear, you are joining something very unique and special.

I'll go for the one without the modesty panel.

Here, be my guest. . . . But, wait.  I almost forgot.  One of the keys
to our success is the supportive sisterhood of all who work here.
There is a little first day initiation that we all go through.  It's
fun, challenging, and it gets you over the hump of the new experience
in grand style.

Oh my god, what is it?

It's in this drawer somewhere.  Oh, here it is.

What's that?

It's an egg.  It vibrates, see?

Oh no, what happens with that?

It's a little game we play with every new server.

Please don't tell me.

Smile, it's actually fun.  Now, you put this in far enough that it
won't be pushed out. . . .Now pull on the hose . . . Now we'll clip
this receiver on the side here where the sash will go, you see?

What are you going to do?

Not me Dear, the cooks.  They have a transmitter.  They are going to
try to have you climax while on the job.  Now we've only permitted
this if they promise not to signal the egg when you are carrying a
full tray.  Your best defense is to always stay busy with something on
your tray.

This game is just for one day right?

Right.  It is a rite of passage into the sisterhood here, after that,
you won't believe how great these people are to work with.  What the
cooks are counting on, is that you will at some point realize that
everyone's mind is on your sexy cunt.  Once you get to that
realization, anyone you look at will juice you right up.  If they can
zap you right after you've being interacting with a table, like taking
their orders, they have a really good chance of setting off an orgasm.
Early on, Roz had one all by herself without this thing on, just
walking back to the kitchen.  It's all in the mind.  Well, I've given
away way too many secrets about it, good thing this room isn't bugged
or they'd take me out back to draw and quarter me.

Everyone has done this, right?

Yes everyone, including me, it's fun.  Do you like this scarf?

Colorful.

It draws attention.  You make a triangle like this.  We'll put it over
the transmitter on this side and tie the ends on this other hip just
like last night.  Okay, now look in the mirror.  See how this diagonal
line crosses right at the crotch.  That's how you keep it.  There is a
full-length mirror just as you leave the kitchen.  Look front and back
frequently.  If the scarf is too far down, you might as well be
wearing a skirt.  If it is too high, it leaves nothing for the
imagination.  There will be glimpses sure, but we never want it to
glare.

I see.  I'm already imagining nothing but crotches.

See how it works.  Even though you have spectacular breasts, hummmunh.
It almost doesn't matter what you do with your top, the heels and hose
send the observer's mind right to your nether region.

Stop.  I'm already excited enough.

Well, speaking of tops, just how exciting do you want to be tonight?

I'm too wound up to decide.  Pick for me.

Well then, I'll dress my doll in this silk halter tonight.  We'll
monitor that excitement level with these nips of yours.

Oh god.  I already can't take this.

I see, I see.  Don't worry, this is going to be the best of both
worlds, good pay and the time of your life.  Now get these gorgeous
buns out there,

Oooo.

and I'll show you around. . . .

Hi Janis.

Hi Ms. Weston.

Janis call me Sylvia, please.  You are someone I depend on.

Yes Ma'am.

How did things go last night?

Everything went like clockwork.

That's nice to hear.  So, did you work a time and a half, plus a half,
last night?

No Ma'am.  I . . .

Janis, you are one of the few that are still on standard pay by
wearing the hose with the panels.  What is your thinking here?

I was thinking I would start without the panels tonight.

That's more like it.  Are you okay with that, or is it just for the
money?

Well ah . . . I'd rather not say . . .

Janis, we are a family here.  We support each other, we are all part
of a unique establishment revered around the world, and it is working
because we are like family.  Is there anything I can help you with?
Anything Maggie can help with?  Anyone? . . . Janis, here's a tissue.
Stop crying, please.  Let's talk about it.

I, I've come to a place, a place in my life, where, where I want to be
a mother.

Oh boy.  Yes, go on.

I would need a father for the baby and the baby would need a father.

Yes I think I know what's coming, go on.

Well, I just feel that I will be persuaded by one of those men to go
out with him just so I can find a father for my child.  The panel
represents my last defense.

Sure I understand.  You realize, even if you could get it together in
yourself to make it with one of those men, you could easily find one
to father the child, but no one to be a father to the child.  Have you
thought ahead toward having a relationship with the child's father?

That's why it is so difficult for me.

I understand then.  I won't bring up panels again.  Thank you again
for covering last night.

Yes Ma'am.

If you see Maggie out there, would you send her in please.

Yes Ma'am.

Maggie, Kristin show up okay?

She's here.  She's fine.  Just saw Wendy too.

Good.  We need them both.  Janis is a short-timer.

She is?  What happened?

She's got the "baby thing" happening.

Oh no.

Yeup.  She's looking at the clientele as potential sperm donors, even
as possible parenting partners.

Oh boy.  Okay I'm in the hunt again.

Well, the clock says its time to get the show going.  You check on
people and their places and I'll work the front.

Got it.

Good afternoon gentlemen and lady.  Do you have a reservation?

There's nobody else in the place yet.

That was just my feeble attempt at nightclub humor, a table for five?
Right this way please. . . . How will this do? . . . Ma'am . . . your
server will be Wendy and I hope you enjoy your visit.

See guys, you too Liz, this place is well put together.

Good evening everyone.  It is my pleasure to serve you tonight.  Are
there any special needs or requirements I should be aware of before I
take your orders.

I'm strictly vegetarian.

I'll see to that Ma'am.  Anyone else?

I need to know if you are redhaired at both ends.

Knock it off Larry.  There's a lady present, excuse me, I mean ladies.

Mr. Griggs, you don't have to treat me any differently than the other
guys.  I can take you all on in any conversation you care to discuss.
Don't mind him, Wendy, he was born a pig.

Oink.

She's got your number man.

Well, it looks like you folks are here for a good time.  Are you all
local to the area? 

No we're from out of town.  We're here for the Home Electronics
Convention.  We got here early, because rumor has it this place fills
up fast and we'd have trouble getting in.

We do our best to keep that rumor going actually.  Can I start with
your drink orders? . . .

. . . This is Kristin, she will be assisting me tonight.  This is her
first night so go easy on her.  You can give me the rough time.
There, and that one there.  Thank you.  Okay, enjoy and I'll give you
a few minutes to review the menus Kristin has for you.

Can you believe this place?  These women are hot!  Sorry Liz.

Geez you guys, if another of you says "sorry Liz" I'll take that
person out back and slap him silly.  Stop treating me any differently,
and let's have a good time.  And, by the way, the women around here
are hot.

Ooooooo!

This place is starting to fill up.  Man all I can think about are
legs.  Is there leg of lamb on the menu?

Stop it you cad.  Oh no it's happening to me too, I have this craving
for a ham shank.

I can't take you guys out anywhere.

I thought you didn't want us to be careful about what we said.
Besides you're not treating are you?  I thought Mr. Griggs here was
the one.

I wasn't referring to the subject matter of your conversation, just
the paucity of your humor.

Dictionary time.

Let's get our order in.  Oh Sweet Cheeks.   Yes Kristin, is it?  We'd
like to put in our order now.

I'll get Wendy for you. 

Certainly you can take an order for us.

Sure, you'll be my fir-eh-eh-eh-st.

What was that?

I just had a sudden attack of gas.  I'll be okay.  What would you
like?

You're blushing.  I'll have another drink of whatever you've been
drinking.  I need more color.

Got that right Casper.

Ah-ah-I'll be right back. . . .  Funny.  Very funny.  Whose got the
controls?

Controls?  What controls?

Anybody seen Wendy?  Oh Wendy, your table wants to order.

You are learning to read and write in college aren't you?  Well, go
back out and take the order.

God, a whole night of this? . . . Okay, I'm back.  Have you decided
what you want? 

23

41

The New York one, ah 7,

5, definitely 5.

Kristin, I can't choose between 31 or 35, oh you wouldn't know, you're
new.

Excuse me Roz.

Yes.

It's between 31 & 35.

The tofu.  That's what I'd go with.

31 it is then.

Anything else?  . . .

I'd sure like to have one of these waitresses take a load off their
feet, and sit on my lap while I eat.  How about you Liz?  I'll bet you
are every bit as foxy as these babes are under that stodgy business
attire.

Larry, you are about the last person in line to ever find out.

Where would I be in line?

Ben, you are moving back way back rapidly.

People, people settle down.  Let's have a nice peaceful dinner, just
the five of us.  Remember we have another day of working the
convention floor with each other.

Mr. Griggs, it's something about this place, man.  I've never felt so
horny in all my life.

Pete, you haven't a life.

Like you get laid whenever you need it.  How about you Liz?  Does this
place do anything for you?

Don't look at me, I'm not servicing any of you guys tonight.

Cool it, here comes the grub. . . .

. . . That was one of the best meals I've had in a long time.  How are
you all enjoying it?

Hummmn

Great.

That's good.  . . . Whose phone is that? . . . Oh, it's mine.  Yes, .
. . Yes, . . . Yes, . . . Okay I'll be right there.  You folks party
on, enjoy the show, beh-a-v-e, and I'll be back just as soon as I can.

But . . .

I've got to fly.

I hope he meant that as "hurry" rather than "get on a plane out of
here", I left my wallet back at the room.  I wasn't planning on
needing it with Mr. Griggs picking up the tab for everything.

Me too.

Me too.

You boys are pathetic.

Where is your purse?

Well, I'm pathetic too.

Let's face it.  With no cab fare, we're stuck here in heaven.  We have
no alternative but to sit and suffer through enjoying the show.

I'll drink to that.  Miss, over here please. . . .

. . . Wendy, your table, that first one, they're getting sauced.  They
want another round.  They have been here for hours.  Now even the food
is not soaking up the alcohol.  What should I do? 

You asked the right question at the right time.  This is when you
refer the matter to Fox-5.  Com'on. . . . This is Lori.  Talking to
Lori is as good as talking to Kim.  Tell her what's up. . . .

 . . . Thanks Kristin, I'll take it from here. . . . Evening folks.
Are you enjoying the club tonight.

This place is great.  When a table opens up, can you get us closer to
the stage?

I'll see what I can do.  I just came by to let you know that your
server's shift is ending and we should settle the tab before she goes.
We can start up a new one with the next server.  Now who will be
taking care of it tonight, or does it go on separate checks?

Well, ah, Griggy is picking up the tab. 

And which one of you is Griggy?

He's not here.  We haven't seen him for hours. 

I see, when do you expect him back?

We don't know.  He told us to party until he got back.  We want
another round.

And a closer table.

Yes sir, but you see, we have to settle the tab you already have
before we can start a new one.

Dance with me?

Why don't you all come with me, while we set up a new clean table
closer to the stage for you.

Okay fellas and fel-liz, let's go.  March, 2,3,4, hup, 2,3,4, . . .

Sir, quiet please.

May we come in Ms. Weston?  Sure Lori what is it? 

A PWF Ma'am.

Don't give me that security jargon say it in plain English.

A party without funds, Ma'am.

I see.  Show them in then.

Folks, this is Ms Weston, she'll see to your arrangements.

So what seems to be the problem?

We're just waiting for our table closer to the stage.

Well, that's fine.  I'm sure Lori is seeing to that, right Lori?

Yes Ma'am.

But, you see, you need to clear up the tab on the first table before
we can seat you at the new table.  Who is taking responsibility for
that tab?

He's not here.

I see, so, when will he be back?

He didn't say.  All he said was to party and he would be back as soon
as he could.

Their server, Kristin said that was hours ago, Ma'am.

I see, then let's put together credit cards, cash, whatever you have,
for now and the missing person can pay you all back when he returns.

I left my wallet behind.

Me too. . . .

All of you?  Well this is a fine kettle of fish.  What do you suggest
we do about this?  It's obvious that none of you is fit to work it off
around here.

Hey!  I think Liz here, is just as beautiful as any one of your broads
working here.

Larry!  Shut the fuck up.

Don't insult our Liz like that, she is the best worker we got.

Thank you Ben. 

Okay, I'm sorry.  You're right.  She is very beautiful.  I bet under
that conservative outfit hides a woman of real beauty, but the only
possible area we can add people to work is as a dancer, and you have
to be more than attractive to dance here.

Hey!  She's a dancer.  She's a really good dancer.  She's won awards.
Tell her Liz.

Yeah she's got pictures of herself with trophies for ballroom dancing
in her office at work.

Is that right, Liz?

I suppose, but ballroom dancing is not what you do here, right?

No, but it is not beyond the realm of possibility.  In ballroom
dancing these days, you do some of the dancing without holding on to
your partner right?

Yeah, what are you driving at?

It's just that, if I could find one of our gals that could act the
part, modified, of course, of the posting person, you could do your
flourishes around her and that could look pretty classy.  I'll tell
you what.  You try it, give it your best attempt, and you're off the
hook, I'll even pay you, and you can decide whether or not you are
willing to help your friends back to their beds with the money that
you earn.

I don't know.  Your dancers are pretty spectacular looking.

Hey babe you're every bit as beautiful as they are.

Don't call me babe.

I like this woman.  So what is it?  Will you give it a try.  Remember,
that's all I'm asking, that you give it your best shot.

Okay, I'll try.

See, these cheers and whistles from your friends, . . . hey boys you
can stop now, . . . are just the beginning.  Lori will take you back
stage.  Lori, fill in Gweneth will you please?

Yes Ma'am.  Liz ma'am, why don't you come with me.

Okay, that should do it. 

But this is only a g-string under these fishnets.  They'll see the
crack of my ass.

The scarf will stay in place.  It's not like a skirt.  You can twirl
to your heart's content and it will stay put, unless you have to squat
or anything in your act.  Then you just smooth it down again.

Yeah, my act.  Would it be possible to get another drink, like a
triple scotch? 

Sure I suppose so.  I'll send someone for it.

This is a different audience than what I'm used to competing in front
of.

Okay, here's your drink; we've got your music cued up: Crystal, here
has good instincts, she'll be there to assist; I wouldn't drink that
so fast, let's see, your costume is exquisite; you'll wow them just
walking out on the stage.  It's really not necessary to drink that
whole drink . . . here, let me have it . . . well okay.  Now go out
there and break a leg.  Remember that's theater talk  . . .

Maggie, she looks stunning.  Remember, I recruited this one.

She sure is.  Look at those legs.

She's a competitive dancer.  Listen to the applause before she even
starts.  Good Crystal that's it.

This could work out.

Thank you for being so positive Maggie.  It's just one of the things I
like about you.  They handled that well.  Okay, okay.  Oh my god,
Crystal didn't expect to get a passionate kiss from this woman in
public like that.  She's plastered.  Now where's Crystal going.  Shit.

Not so loud.

Shit, shit, shit.  Oh no, where's Kim.  Look, her tiresome friends are
at the stage.  That's not ballroom dancing.  What are they saying to
her?  She is starting to take things off.  Humm, pretty nice.  We
didn't say anything about doing that.

Look, all of the servers are at the bar turning in orders.  This might
be a good thing.

No, the bores are begging for money . . . to give to her.  No, no, no,
we don't do that here.

Settle down.

Don't tell me to settle down.

For just a minute.  Look.  This place is humming.  I'm not saying we
should change the program to this, but there is a special buzz in the
air.

No, no, no, you never take off the pantyhose, no, no not the hose!

You can look now.  She's even lost the string.  There is nowhere else
she can go with this.

Oh please, let this be the one night that no one connected to the
media is present, please.

Here, have a drink.

This broad could ruin us.  No! Stop! She can't touch the customers!

Okay, I'll go pull the plug on this right now.

I'm ruined.  I'm ruined.