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Ryan Sylander Looking Through The Lens http://www.asstr.org/~ryansylander/ Chapter 11: When the Levee Breaks
For once in my life I had made the right decision.� As Julie pulled me across the living room towards the door, Heather and I looked at each other.� She was sitting on the couch, next to some guy who had his arm wrapped around her shoulder.� It was obvious from their body language that they were a couple. Heather�s face was expressionless as I traversed the room, and then I was outside in the warm air. �Are you all right?� Julie asked me. �What?� Yeah, just tired,� I said, recovering from my shock. �You don�t have to walk me home, if you just want to go to bed.� �No, it�s fine.� It�s not far.� We set off towards Julie�s house.� Fortunately Julie sensed the need for silence as we walked. Heather was with someone!� I felt that I should be relieved that I hadn�t waited for her.� Why was I jealous then?� It was silly.� I had to shake myself out of it.� �So I�ll see you at lunch tomorrow?� I asked, forcing a smile. �Yeah, that sounds nice.� I�ll come by around ten?� �Cool.� We reached her house and stood awkwardly for a moment on the sidewalk. �I had a really good time tonight,� I said. �Me too.� Thanks for coming out.� I leaned in and kissed her gently.� She seemed surprised for an instant, and then returned the kiss.� I broke it off before she got too excited, though, and she went inside, smiling and giving me a small wave. On the way home, I was still somewhat conflicted.� I was feeling good about the way things were going with Julie, but also sad about seeing Heather involved with a boyfriend.� After my reconciliation with Lara on the camping trip, I had been feeling amazingly refreshed about life in general.� There were still loose ends to tie up in my life, for sure, but I had been relaxed and happy these past couple of months.�� It was a good place to be, and as I walked up the steps to my aunt�s house, I decided that I had to go with what was, not what could have been.
The next morning I woke up feeling better than I thought I would.� Some pink still hung in the morning sky as I drew up the shades.� I knew what I had to do to get some closure.� I went out to the garage and gathered up my fishing gear.� When I got to the foot of the pier, I wasn�t surprised to see another figure out on the end.� I stopped and looked at her for a long time.� She was leaning on the rail, the vast sphere of dark waves stretching beyond her.� She looked so small and alone, far out over the sea. I finally started the long walk out to the end.� Just like last summer, I thought, except we were both a little older, and maybe a little wiser. As I approached, she heard my shoes clunking on the pier boards, and turned to look at me.� She said nothing as I approached. �Hey,� I said, smiling in spite of myself. �Hi,� she replied. �So, you�re back�� we both said at the same time. �Yeah,� we said, again together.� Then I laughed a little. �It�s good to see you,� I said quickly. �You too.� I�m� surprised to see you here.� �Why?� �Just because,� she said evasively. �Well, I thought you�d be here this morning.� Why are you here if you didn�t think I�d come?� �This is where I fish,� she said simply.� I noticed that she wasn�t fishing, though.� Her rod was leaning against the rail, next to her.� �All right,� I said, shrugging.� I set down my stuff and prepped my rod.� �Catch anything?� I asked, peering into her bucket. �No.�� She just watched me as I went about tying a hook on the line. �What?� I asked, as I stopped and looked at her. �Nothing.� I went back to baiting the hook, wondering how to break the ice. Last summer I had felt nervous around Heather, especially at first.� Oddly, this morning it seemed like she was the one caught off-guard.� Had she really thought I wasn�t going to come and fish after we had seen each other the night before at the party?� Maybe she really had come to fish alone. No sooner had I cast in, a fish latched onto my hook. �Well, look at that,� I said, as I reeled in a small fish.� I tried to keep my voice light, but I felt like I was trying to cut through darkness with a faint ember. �Looks like you�ve been practicing,� Heather said.� She made no movement to start fishing.� Her mood was starting to disconcert me. �Nah, I only fished twice since last summer, believe it or not.� Busy year.� I quickly pulled in a second fish.� I was surprised, considering how bad my luck around her had been the previous year. I looked at her as I unhooked the fish.� �Are you all right?� You�re not fishing.� �I know.� I just didn�t expect to see you.� Why were all the girls in Montauk saying that to me? �I can come back later,� I said. �No, that�s not what I meant.� �So why are you surprised to see me?� �Well, seeing as how you�re back together with Julie,� she said immediately.� Was there a slight twinge of envy in her tone?� It was probably just me, wanting to hear it in there.� �Well, I don�t know about that,� I said dismissively.� She had seen me with her, but so what? �No strings,� Julie had said, and I was sticking to that for now. I tugged on the line as another fish nibbled, but it was too soon and it got away. �Oh, just missed number three,� I said, trying again to lift the tension. �You never called me.�� There was no accusation in her voice, though maybe there was a touch of sadness. I looked at her for a second.� It was strange to see her so vulnerable. �I didn�t��� I was going to say �find your note until�� but then I changed course.� Mischief had crept into my head.� Maybe some gentle teasing would break the spell around her. ��have your number,� I said, frowning. �Oh��� She stared at me.� �So you didn�t get my note?� she asked. �Note?� What note?�� I was having trouble not breaking into a smile.� I raised my eyebrows at her, hoping she wasn�t seeing my ruse. �I left you my number.� On your fishing license.� Didn�t you get it?�� She seemed suddenly frustrated. �Oh, I got my fishing license.� Which, by the way, how did you get it in the first place?� �I took it out of your box when I was borrowing your pliers,� she admitted.� �Hmm.� That�s how you found out my name, obviously.� �Yeah.�� Heather was disconcerted.� �But you didn�t see my note?� I wrote it on the back.� �Must have missed it.� She just looked at me for a long moment, before turning her eyes to the pier deck. �I�m such an idiot,� she said quietly. �What?� �Nothing.� Forget it.� Heather lifted her pole and cast her line into the water.� She looked sullen.� I started feeling bad for teasing her.� My heart started to race, as I wondered what was going on with her. Another fish bit my bait, and I pulled it in.� It was a nice size. �Number three,� I said, bucketing the fish.� I looked at Heather.� Her eyes were missing their usual light.� It was time to end the game. �You know, you better start catching, or I�ll be winning the contest this year.�� I turned to her, and then added, �Heather.� I watched her mouth slowly drop open. �Matt, you� you��� She sputtered some incoherent phrases out. �I have no idea what you are saying,� I said nonchalantly, looking out at the water.� Finally some reaction from her, I thought, relieved.� I turned to her, smiling.� My smile faded when I saw her eyes wet with tears. �What�s wrong?� I asked, putting down my fishing rod.� I moved a few paces towards her, concerned with this turn of events. �Nothing, nothing,� she said.� She turned away from me, dropping her fishing rod to the deck with a clatter.� The bent tip swung awkwardly a foot above the boards, as the line had caught on the rail.� She wiped at her eyes as I watched her, helpless.� What had happened? �Talk to me.� What�s going on?� She said nothing, just sniffed a few times and stayed quiet.� My insides churned as I desperately tried to think of what to do. �Just go,� she said quietly. �Why? What did I do?� �Nothing�� I just need to be alone right now.� I stood stone still for a long while, watching her shoulders move up and down.� I was afraid; my image of Heather had always included confidence and strength, and yet here she was reduced to tears and sending me away.� �Heather�� �Just go,� she repeated. I let out a sigh, and then gathered my fishing gear quietly.� As I walked past her, I felt a hollowness in my stomach.� I almost spoke again, but felt that I had used up my share of words with her.� I didn�t want to make her any angrier at me, or whatever she was angry at. At the end of the pier, I looked back once more.� She was once again leaning against the railing, fishing rod in hand, and looking out at the dark sea.�
The walk home had been difficult.� More than once I had started walking back towards the pier, only to turn around after a dozen steps.� I was hoping that maybe Lara would have some insight into the situation, because I sure had no idea what had just happened.� Was she mad at me for not calling?� That was my best guess. When I got back to the house, all the adults were awake and had just finished breakfast.� They were having an animated conversation out on the porch.� Lara was in the kitchen, just out of bed and looking quite tired.� I watched her for a moment, thankful I had at least one person in my life who understood me. �Hey, look, there�s some dishes for you,� I said, pointing to the breakfast remnants. �Oh, fuck off,� she replied grumpily, unsuccessfully stifling a yawn. I smiled despite my uneasy mood.� I turned on the water, and started washing breakfast plates.� Lara stood at the pantry, trying to decide what to eat.� Suddenly, she gave me a sidelong glance, and then pointed at the sink with her mouth and sparkling eyes wide open. �Oh my god!� she exclaimed.� �Did you...?� �Shh!!� I cut her off, gesturing at our parents just outside the door. I went back to washing the dishes, as she came up to me.� She gave me a tight hug.� I looked down in surprise at her smile, somewhat confused by her tender gesture.� It felt good though, after my rather uncomfortable morning. �What�s that for?� I asked as she pulled away. �Just happy not to be doing dishes,� she said, sticking her tongue out at me.� �Oh, I thought for a second maybe you were happy for me,� I said with the most sarcasm I could come up with. �Yeah, right!� she laughed. I splashed some soapy water at her.� The jet caught her on the shorts, making it look like she had peed herself.� I laughed and pointed that fact out.� She looked from the wet spot to me and back, and her face took on a �what-the-fuck?� look. Somehow, she grabbed the sink sprayer and was showering me with water.� I splashed desperately at the basin as I fended her off, and she shrieked as water ran all over her. We both stopped still when we heard a crash.� Somehow I had scooped up a glass in a handful of water and it had hit the floor, sending clear shards into the growing pool of suds.� Lara looked at me wide-eyed for a few seconds, and then we both started laughing. �What the�?� I heard Sarah say behind me. Lara and I were dripping wet, standing barefoot in a pool of soapy water and broken glass, laughing our asses off.� Soap bubbles were everywhere.� The cabinets had little white beards hanging here and there.� Mom didn�t seem as pleased as we were, though. �What the hell is going on?� Melissa said. �Matt started it,� Lara said. All four adults were now looking at us.� Hans and Beth were laughing quietly, and soon our parents were even smiling a little.� We must have looked ridiculous. �How old are you two?� You�d think you just turned five, not fifteen!� Sarah chided, as she skirted the pool and went for some towels.� She came back and tossed us each one, and threw a few on the floor.� �Oh great.� Glass...� she said with a grimace, as she heard the pieces crunching under the towel.� �If you cut your feet, you only have yourselves to blame.�� She let out an exasperated sigh.� Eventually we extricated ourselves from the area without injury and headed for the bedrooms to change out of our soapy clothes. �And no more water fighting!� Melissa yelled after us as we went down the hall. Lara went into her room, and I went into mine.� I looked in the mirror.� A white blob of soap bubbles was quivering on my hair.� At the moment that I walked out into the hallway, Lara exited her room too, with garments in hand.� For a second, we stopped, eyeing each other.� Then we both dashed the six feet to the bathroom door halfway between us.� I banged into Lara as we both squeezed into the doorway.� Lara yelled as I grabbed her and tried to push her out into the hallway.� She clung to the door frame desperately as she tried to gain leverage. �Hey!� came the warning yell from my mom.� We quieted quickly and entered the bathroom, still tugging at each other for advantage.� No sooner had we closed the door, Lara punched my arm. �Way to go!� she said with mock anger.� She started taking her shirt and shorts off. �What?� �Breaking the glass.� That was Beth�s favorite!� �Oh, shut up...� It was just a dumb glass.� You were the one who got the house wet.� At least I kept it on you!� I threw my soggy clothes into the sink, where they landed on top of Lara�s with a wet splat.� Lara had turned on the bath water.� As she sat to pee, I entered the shower. �So, doing dishes, huh?� Something you haven�t told me?� she said. �Shh.� �They can�t hear.� �Yes, they can.� She finished peeing, and looked at me directly as she flushed the toilet.� That was forbidden, since it made the shower ice cold for some odd reason.� I jumped back, trying to aim the spray away from me as it turned frigid. �You!� �Hey, no water fights!� You heard Mom!� Lara said with a smirk, as I grabbed the shower head out of the holder and was about to aim it at her.� There was another brief standoff, and then I put the head back in its holder, as the water turned warmer again. �Watch out,� Lara said, as she pushed me aside and got under the water.� She turned and squeezed the water out of her hair, thrusting her chest out at me.� �What�s wrong?� she asked, teasingly. My mood had turned uneasy again, though not so much because of Lara.� The events of the morning had crept back into my thoughts. �I saw Heather this morning,� I said suddenly. �What?� When?� �I was up early and went to the pier.� �And?� But wait, what about Julie?� I considered for a few complicated seconds.� Where to start?� �You know, let�s go out to the beach and talk.� I don�t want our parents to overhear anything.� Lara considered this for a moment.� �All right.� I�m almost done.�� She rinsed off her body as I watched.� James was a lucky guy, I thought to myself absently.�
After we were finished showering, we headed out to the beach in our bathing suits.� As we were walking out through the porch, Melissa cleared her throat dramatically. �You�re welcome,� she said expectantly. We stopped in the doorway.� We realized the kitchen was free of water and glass.� And beards. �Thanks,� we said in chorus, feeling sheepish. Melissa just smirked and waved us out the door unceremoniously. The sand was starting to get uncomfortably hot, so we went straight into the waves.� They were aggressive this morning.� We tried to swim out beyond the white caps to gain a quieter float, but it was too rough.� A few times I had a scare as a large wave broke over me. �You know, this is insane.� Let�s just lay on the sand,� I yelled, as we paddled between breakers. �Too hot.� How about the pier?� Lara suggested. I looked around.� I just wanted a quiet place to talk.� The difficulty of acquiring such a seemingly simple goal was starting to make me feel very frustrated. �Bike ride?� I said.� I didn�t know where to go, but at least we�d be alone. �Sure,� Lara shrugged. We tramped up the sand again, and headed back into the house.� �Waves are too rough,� I said, in answer to Sarah�s questioning look. �We�re going for a bike ride,� Lara added. After an eternity, we were finally on our way along the road.� We headed into town, for lack of anywhere else to go.� The wind was heavy, and annoying.� Everything was annoying, I thought.� Finally I saw a shady patch of grass under some trees, so I steered over to it and dropped my bike to the turf.� �Here?� I asked. Lara shrugged and dismounted.� �You seem really tense all of a sudden,� she observed as we lay down on the grass.� �Yeah.� I don�t know what the fuck is going on,� I said with desperation. �What happened with Heather?� Seems like it didn�t go well.� �No, it didn�t.� I related the morning exchange to Lara. �So when you saw her at the party last night, were you with Julie?� she asked. �Yeah, I was.� �Were you and Julie, like, together?� �I think we were holding hands,� I admitted. �Well, she�s probably jealous then,� Lara said simply. �Jealous?� Why do you say that?� I asked. �Think about it from her perspective.� �She�s with someone, though,� I stressed.� �It was so obvious she has a boyfriend.� �Fine, but forget that,� Lara dismissed with a wave of her hand.� �She leaves you her number last summer, and you never call.� Then�� �But I�� I started to protest. �Shh, let me finish!� I know your side.� I shrugged and stayed quiet. �You didn�t tell her that you didn�t find her note until just a few months ago,� Lara pointed out. I thought for a second.� �No, I guess you�re right.� There was no time to get that in.� �Well, okay.� So anyway, she gets back last summer, and hears that you hooked up with Julie while she�s gone.� Plus, she never heard from you.� Then you come back this summer, after Julie has clearly been going out with someone else, and you are suddenly back together with her.� I mean, that�s the very first thing she sees when you come out of the hallway last night!� I�d be shocked too.� I sat in silence.� It made a lot more sense now.� �So this morning, she probably thought I didn�t call her on purpose...� Fuck, I�m such an idiot!� I never told her the whole story because she sent me away.� Suddenly fear gripped me.� �Oh my god,� I said, �I hope she�� �What?� Lara asked, sitting up, concern on her face. I remembered the last time I had sent Lara away from me.� Things had not gone so well that night. �You don�t think she would have done something stupid after I left?� I asked. Images of her jumping off the pier flooded my head. �What do you mean?� Lara asked. �She was on the pier, angry, alone...� And she sent me away.� I don�t know.� Lara looked at me seriously for a moment.� �I don�t know, Matt.� I don�t know her.�� She touched my arm.� �I wouldn�t worry though.� I mean, she was probably just upset to see you.� And going in all confident probably wasn�t the best approach.� Maybe it just threw her off.� I looked at her with a wretched expression.� �Sorry, bad word choice,� she said quietly. I stood up, pulling her up.� �Come on.� I have to see if everything�s all right.� �Matt, I�m sure�� �Please, it would help me a lot.� It�s just right here,� I said, as I got on my bike. �What�s right here?� �Her fish store.� We biked over to the group of shops.� My heart was racing.� Was I being ridiculous?� But then I remembered Lara saying she wished she hadn�t left when I sent her away.� As we approached, I told Lara to go in and see if Heather was there.� We set the bikes around the corner as I described her, and then Lara went down to Martin�s.� I waited anxiously.� Fairly quickly, Lara emerged from the market and came up the sidewalk. �So?� I asked nervously. �It�s fine, Matt.� She was there, working the counter.� �Are you sure it was her?� �Yeah, some guy working there called her by name.� I took in a large breath, and let out a relieved sigh.� �Thanks.� I�m sorry.�� I overreacted, as usual.� �No problem.� I�m just glad everything is all right.� Well, I mean that she�s�not�� �Yeah, I know what you mean.� �Do you want to go in and talk to her?� �No, I don�t think that�s a good idea right now.� I�ll try and find her in a day or two.� Maybe she�ll have cooled off by then.� �She�s cute,� Lara said, her voice turning lighter. �Hey now!� I warned with a finger. �What?� You�re with Julie now, aren�t you?� �Yeah, but...� I looked at my watch.� �Shit, I almost forgot.� Julie�s coming over soon.� We better get back.� We mounted the bikes and started back towards our Aunt�s house. �So what happened with you and Julie last night?� I let out a laugh.� �Well, you were right.� She has her claws in me.� I was all ready to sit back and watch you do dishes all week, and then she came along.� �So what happened?� Lara asked again, excitement in her voice. �The party was cool.� We had a few beers and drinks, and then Julie dragged me into a bedroom.� �Dragged you, huh?� Sounds like you put up a real fight.� �Oh yeah, a stiff one,� I said lewdly.� Lara laughed. �No, really, I didn�t want to do anything,� I continued.� �Not because of our bet.� I wasn�t really going to enforce my prize anyway.� But I wasn�t ready to just get back together with her so fast.� Not when there are so many things we haven�t talked about.� �Are you going to bring me up with her?� �I think I have to,� I said honestly. �I think so too,� Lara agreed.� �I have to admit I�m still a little mad at her that she never told you.� �Mmm.� So anyways, we�re going to have a nice long talk today.� �Where?� I laughed.� �Yeah, I know.� It doesn�t seem like a day for quiet talking.� �So, you never really said what you and Julie ended up doing last night, after your, uh, stiff resistance.� �Aren�t you afraid of picturing me?� I said, mimicking her words from the other evening. �No, I�m looking forward to it,� Lara said with a grin. I laughed, and shook my head.� �I can�t take you anywhere,� I said. �You don�t have to.� I can handle myself, thanks.� �Yeah, I know,� I agreed. �So?� �So�she gave me a blowjob.� Lara laughed wildly.� �Oh, I just love you, Matt!� The other night on the beach you�re all like, �I�m not getting back together with Julie, blah, blah, blah, blah-blah.� �And then a few nights later she�s sucking your dick!� �Hey, you know how she is!� I protested.� �She just gives you that look with those big brown eyes, and it�s over.� You said as much yourself!� Lara just smiled knowingly at me.� �She really is beautiful,� she said, more seriously now. �Yeah.� She�s definitely got it.� �I wish I did,� she said distantly. �What are you talking about?� You are totally hot, too,� I said, before I realized it. Lara looked at me, wide-eyed and barely concealing a smile.� �Did you just say what I heard you say?� �Um, no.� I said, red-faced.� �Nothing of the sort.� �Jeez, I never thought I�d hear you say that.�� I glanced at Lara, and noticed that she was a little flushed too.� We were quiet for a while, riding the last stretch home. �So when did you come to that conclusion?� In the shower?� Lara asked. �I don�t know what you�re talking about.� I said. We put the bikes away and went around back to the porch steps. �Did you �� �Lara, let it rest,� I said.� My tone was playful though.� Lara gave me a little nod, and we shared a private smile as we went into the house.
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