Looking Through The Lens

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Chapter 13

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�Matt, you�re freaking me out, what the hell is going on!?� Lara asked, clawing at my arm.

�There are two girls called Heather that work there.�

Lara took a deep breath.

�Okay.� But it still could have been her.� It looked like her.� Just relax.� Tomorrow morning you can go check it out for yourself.� I�m sure it�s fine, people just don�t jump off of piers because someone didn�t call them.�

I digested her words.� Lara was probably right.� Once again I had let my active imagination take hold of my senses.

�Lay down,� she said gently.

I leaned back onto Lara�s pillow as she laid down beside me.�

�I�m just a little wigged out from this morning, that�s all,� I said.� �She was really different than I remembered her.� It took me by surprise.�

�Well, like I said earlier, from her perspective, she has a different view of things.�

�Yeah, I know.�� I need to talk to her tomorrow, and work this out once and for all.�

�Look, don�t blow this thing out of proportion.� Just relax.� Things will work out.�

�I know, I know.�

Lara stroked my arm.� Her touch was calming, and as my mind returned to reality from the nightmare, I started feeling foolish for waking her up.� Not everything in my life has to be like the end of the world, I thought, you fucking drama king.

I woke up confused, before realizing I was in Lara�s bed, not mine.� She was sound asleep next to me.� I sat up quickly, surprised that I fell asleep with her.� Lara stirred, and then was still again.� I cringed at the memory of my midnight madness.� It seemed all the more retarded in the dim morning light.� Of course Heather was fine.

My watch said early, so I hoped no one had looked in on us.� That would be an awkward thing to explain.

I carefully unwrapped myself from the sheet and slipped out into the hallway.� No one in the house was up yet, to my relief.� I went to my room, and pulled on a bathing suit and shirt.� I considered lying down again, but I was awake for the day.

I decided to go fish, and maybe I�d get another chance to talk to Heather.

When I got to the pier, it was empty.� But it was also very early.� Still, if Heather was mad at me, I might have to go find her at her store.�

After catching a few fish, I sat on the deck and looked out at the water.� The wind from the previous day had calmed.� The sea was glowing from the pink ribbon of sunrise hanging on the horizon.

I pondered my situation.� I had to talk to Julie soon.� At the very least, we had to talk about Lara.� I wondered about my relationship with Julie.� I was wary of trying the long-distance thing with her again.� Lara�s and James�s arrangement seemed much more suitable.� But I didn�t know what Julie would think of that.� She wasn�t really in a position to complain though, since she had messed things up the first time.

A part of me started feeling that letting her give me those blowjobs the day before wasn�t the best thing to do.� It was just going to make talking about these things more difficult.� Particularly if our talk didn�t go well.� Then the sex would be an added burden.

A noise broke through my thoughts.� I sat up and turned, letting out a sigh of relief.� Heather was approaching.� She looked at me for a moment, before setting her things down by the rail a few yards away.

I felt nervous at seeing her.� At least she had come back, I thought.� That had to count for something.

�Morning,� I said.�

�Hi,� she replied.� �Catch anything?� she asked.� There was some life in her voice, I noticed with relief.

�Yeah, just a few.�

�You�re here early.� Trying to sneak in a few in before I showed up?� she asked.

I smiled at her.� She was sounding more like the Heather I remembered from last year.

�No, I wasn�t even sure if you were going to show up this morning.�

She looked at me seriously.

�Matt, I�m sorry about yesterday.� I was in a really bad mood.�

�I didn�t know you had those.�

�It happens.�

�I�m sorry I was teasing you yesterday,� I said gravely.� �About not finding the note.�

Heather didn�t say anything; instead she went about getting her stuff ready.

�I should have told you yesterday, but I didn�t get the chance.� I actually didn�t find your note right away.� I only found it a few months ago, when I was on a fishing trip.� Obviously you weren�t at your relatives� house any more.�

Heather looked up at me as I spoke.

�So, I�m sorry I didn�t call you,� I continued.� �I hope you didn�t think that I didn�t want to, because I would have, if, you know...�

Heather smiled a little.

�Nah, it�s my fault for playing stupid games with you,� she said.

�I probably should have noticed it though.� But I was feeling� crappy that you were leaving that day, and looking at my license wasn�t really on my list of priorities.�

Heather nodded.

�Well, it�s in the past now,� she said.� She cast her line out and looked down into the water.

I gazed at her, a warm feeling flowing through me.�

�I just want to say that finding that note made my day,� I said.� �My year, even.�

Heather turned and looked at me with a frown.� �Why?�

�I was going through a tough time, and when I found it, it really caught me by surprise.� A welcome surprise.�

�Was that when you and Julie were splitting up?�

I eyed her for a moment.� The feelings of regret at having hooked up with Julie again welled up a little stronger.�

�Yeah, and some other stuff.� I guess you know all about me and Julie,� I said.

�It�s a small town,� Heather said simply.

�Heh, I know what that�s like.�

Heather pulled in a little fish.�

�You should get to it, Matt.� I�m up one-zip,� she said nonchalantly.

�One-zip?� What about the four I have in my bucket?�

�Cheating.�� She cast in again.

�Cheating!?� How�s that?� I said, raising an eyebrow.� Her calm tone was deceptive.� She was definitely back at her games.

�I wasn�t even here yet,� she said.

�Well, I caught four yesterday when you were here.�

�First of all, it was three.�

I laughed.� Through all the misery, she had still been keeping track.

�Second of all,� she added, �everything that happened yesterday, never happened.�

If only it was that easy, I thought to myself.

�Alright, fine,� I said.� �I�m going to stand up, cast in, and we start from here.� Clean slate, no excuses, anything caught when the other is present, fishing or not, moody or not, counts.�

I looked her in the eye.� They were full of their usual life again.� She stared at me for a moment, transfixing me.

Finally she nodded.� �Fine.��

The game was set.� I got up slowly with an exaggerated yawn.� �Alright, reel in,� I said.

�What?� she asked innocently.

�I can tell you have one on the line.� You�re just waiting for me to cast in.�

A smile spread across Heather�s face, as she cranked on the reel.� Sure enough, a fish was flapping on the end of the line.� I just smiled and shook my head as I hoisted my pole.

�Zero-zero,� I said.

�Zero-zero,� she echoed.

I looked at her with a grin as I swung my rod over the railing.� We stared at each other, waiting for the imaginary start lights to go off.

�Go!� we yelled at once.

We cast in like we were starting the Kentucky Derby.� For a few minutes we worked our lines in silence, eyeing each other�s pole tips to see if something had been caught.� Neither of us hooked anything though.

I looked at Heather, and she looked at me.� Then we started laughing.

�Somewhat anticlimactic, huh?� she said to me.

�Yeah, fishing could never be a spectator sport.�

�I don�t know, the suspense here is killing me,� she said.

�Heh.� Well, there�s a long way to go.� The first fish caught won�t matter much in a few weeks when I�ve soundly kicked your butt.� Unless you�re planning to ditch me again like last year,� I said.� I knew it was a risky comment, but I thought her mood could handle it.

�No, Matt, unfortunately I�m stuck here fishing with you for the rest of the summer,� she said, with mock ennui.

I felt relief at her returned barb.

�Unfortunately?� Stuck here? �Thanks, that makes me feel real good.�

Heather stuck her tongue out at me, and then whooped.� I rolled my eyes as she dramatically pulled on her rod.�

�Ooh, a big, meaty one,� she exclaimed exaggeratedly as the fish rose above the surface.

�You suck,� I said.� I moved over closer to her and smacked my rod tip against hers.� To my surprise, the fish dropped off her hook and into the water.� I sniggered.� Heather turned and gave me a foul look.

�What was that!?�

�Sorry, just trying to help.��

�That�s a penalty!� Malicious interference.� Three fish penalty!�

�Wait, that�s not fair!� I barely tapped your rod, so it was about to shake itself off anyway.� I�ll just let you count that one, out of pity.�

�Out of pity!?� Whatever, the score is one for me, negative three for you.� The fish counts, and you get a penalty.�

�When did you become referee?� I asked with a grimace.

�I�ve always been the referee, and I always will be,� she said matter-of-factly.

�Well, sounds like there no room for discussion on that point,� I said.

�Nope.�

I felt a hard pull on my line.

�Oh, oh, look at that.� What a shame!� They just never learn, do they?� That looks a lot like the fish you just had, doesn�t it?� I said, grinning wickedly and eyeing the fat fish wriggling on my hook.� �It�s so big and � meaty, was it? � that I can hardly pull it in.�� I pretended to stagger under the weight of the half-pound pan fish.

Heather scrunched her face up and whipped her rod at mine, but I anticipated her and swung it out of the way, pulling the fish to the temporary safety of my bucket.

�You better watch out,� I warned.� �That was almost a penalty for you.� What was it, �malicious interference?�� I mimicked in a high voice.

Heather just made a face at me, which I smiled back at.

The fishing for the next while was intense.� Well, as intense as fishing for pan fish on a pier can get, which is not very.�

�I have to get to work,� Heather sighed.

I felt a twinge of sadness at the impending end of our morning together.

�That�s cool, nothing�s biting anyway.�

Heather leaned over and peered into my bucket.� She laughed for an moment, and then pretended to contain it.� She couldn�t keep her face straight, though.

�Negative two,� she said with derision.

�What?� I have negative one fish,� I corrected, feeling ridiculous at having to argue for that pathetic score.� I looked in my bucket as they swam around: one, two, three, four� no wait, three, four, five�

�Hey, where�s the big meaty one?� I said suddenly.� I looked at Heather.� She shrugged.� I looked in my bucket again, but it was clearly not there.� I turned to Heather again, and this time caught the end of a smile that evaporated as I looked at her.

I started for her bucket.� She blocked my way.

�Heather,� I warned with arched brow.

She just grinned at me, moving back and forth in front of her bucket as I tried to get past her.� Finally I crossed my arms on my chest and stood before her.

�Penalty, I say!�

�Get over it, Matt, I�m the ref.�

We stared each other down for a moment, and then I lunged and grabbed her by the shoulders, turning her out of the way.� As I made contact with her, electricity shot though me.� I had never touched her before.� Except the one time she had kissed my cheek the day she left last year, I remembered.� As I held her bare shoulders, I could feel her skin warm and alive in my hands.� It was vividly sensuous.

Heather shrieked, trying to prevent me from seeing in her bucket.� She pulled on my arm, but it was too late: �I could see swimming in her bucket the big meaty fish we had both caught.�

�Hey!� I exclaimed, pointing at it as she pulled me back from the edge of her bucket.� �Thief!� Thief!�

�Alright, fine!� Fine.� I�ll take a penalty,� she said.� Her eyes were on fire.� She let go of my arm suddenly, like it was burning her.

�I want my fish back too,� I griped, regaining some composure.

�No.� Penalty, or fish, which will it be?�

�What!?� Oh, wait, �I�m the ref,�� I mimicked.� �How the hell did you steal it anyway?�

Heather just shrugged.� I thought back to when I had to tie a new hook on my line.� I probably had my back to her for ten seconds as I pulled out some leader.� She must have done it then.� It was impressive.

�Oh crap, I really have to get to work, I�m already a half-hour late,� she said.� �Fish, or penalty?�

�What�s the penalty?� I asked.

�Fish or penalty?� she just repeated.

�Alright, penalty.�� I didn�t really care about the fish.

�Okay.�

She started to pack up her stuff.

�So?� I asked impatiently.

�So what.�

�So what�s the penalty?�

�Oh, right.� So I caught� five.�� She considered for a moment.� �So I�ll take a one fish penalty.�

�One fish!?� That�s it?� I get three for knocking your rod, and you get one for stealing a � �

�And,� she said loudly over my protest, �I�ll give you one point too.� So you have negative one.�� She sniggered a little at my pitiable score.

I thought for a second.� �Wait.� You counted the points like you had caught the big fish, not me.�

�I did catch the big fish,� she said simply.

�So basically nothing changes, and you get to keep the fish you stole?� I asked, incredulous.

She pursed her lips, and looked up at the sky.� God, she�s cute, I thought to myself.

�Mmm�yeah, basically that�s it,� she said, nodding in agreement.� �Good assessment of the situation, Matt, I�m glad you agree. Now, I really need to go.�

�You are incorrible,� I said.� Heather smiled at me.

�And you just let me get away with it,� she said sweetly.� But there was challenge in her eyes.

�Bye, Matt.�� She picked up her stuff and started off down the pier.

�Hey, wait,� I called out after her.� I looked at my stuff, scattered over the pier.� I didn�t want to make her any later, so walking back with her was not an option.� But at least I wanted to see if we could fish again the next morning.

Heather turned to meexpectantly.

�Are you coming back tomorrow?� I asked.

�I�ll be here.� Maybe I�ll see you, if you have the guts to show up.� And by the way, it�s incorrigible.�� Her face softened into a radiant smile.� �Bye now!�

She turned and hurried down the pier as I shook my head.� I decided that I was making things way too easy for her, even though I really didn�t mind her antics.� They were funny and endearing, even if on some level she was seriously competitive.� I could handle her walking all over me, for the most part, but I had to at least put up some more resistance.

That evening I met Julie at the pier.� I wasn�t looking forward to talking with her, though.� The benefits of dragging the past out were becoming less clear with each passing day.

We walked to the gazebo and sat, making small talk.� I didn�t know how to start.� As we watched the sun get lower, she announced some news.

�My dad is back in town.�

I looked at her, surprised.� �Really?� What�s going on with that?�

Julie�s father had moved away with another woman six years earlier.�

�Things didn�t work out with his new wife, I guess.� Ex-wife, I should say.�

�Wow.� Is he back for good?�

Julie shrugged.� �I don�t know.� He showed up a few weeks ago.� He�s been staying with us the last week or so.�

�How is your Mom taking that?�

�She�s really changed.� It�s been good for her to have him back.� But I hope he�s not just on a stint before he moves on.� She�s been desperate to have him back since he left.�

�Hmm.� What about you, how are you feeling about it?�

Julie sighed.� �Well, you know, I�ve resented him ever since he took off.� But now��

�Now?� I gently urged as she stopped talking.� Then I noticed a tear rolling down her cheek.

�It made me see what I had done to you in a different light.�

�How so?�

�Here I was, hating my father for leaving his wife and going off with someone else, and then I turned around and did the same thing.� I had turned into the person I hated.�

I nodded, knowing all too well what that felt like.

�So that�s why you broke it off with Brian?� I asked gently.

�Yes.�

I moved closer to Julie, and put an arm around her.� She leaned against me, crying quietly.

�Well, I hope for your sake, and your Mom�s, that he stays around.� Has he moved back in?�

�No, but they�re talking about that.�� Her voice was tremulous.

�That�s cool.�

�I�m sorry to bring you down with all this,� she said.

�No, I like knowing what�s going on.�

�Matt, I�m scared.�

�Of what?�� I looked at her with concern.

�Me. You.�

�Why?�

�I mean, there�s talk about� about maybe us moving to Florida.�

I digested these words.�

�Where your Dad lives?� I asked.

�Yeah.� I mean, he has a really good job down there, and it�s been hard up here for my Mom.� I have a feeling she�s starting to be open to it.� But I don�t want to go.� All my friends are here.� And I wouldn�t see you, or Lara, or your family anymore.� I mean, I�ve known you since we were four or five.�

I sat in silence, wondering what this meant.� The passion in her voice seemed to make us out to be a steady couple being separated.� That didn�t quite mesh with my impression of our situation.� But then again, there was also her and Lara�s relationship, which was much closer and longer than ours.�

In some ways Julie felt more like a family member than my girlfriend at that moment.

�Well, listen, nothing�s set yet, is it?�

�No.�

�So maybe things will work out.�

�I don�t know, I think my Mom is caving in.�

I didn�t know what to say, so I just stroked her head.

�Matt,� she said, �what do you want this summer?�

�What do you mean?�

�I mean with us.� What do you see happening?�

I thought for a moment.

�To be honest with you, I don�t know.� I do know I don�t want to go through another year like I just did, though.�

Julie didn�t answer.� Before we got to answering our future, I felt like it was the right time to bring up some other questions about the past.

�What about Lara?� I asked softly.

�What about her?�

�I know, Julie,� I said, with unmistakable emphasis.

Julie tensed up.� She said nothing for a long time.

�I was wondering if she had told you,� she finally said.� Her tone was strangled.

�Why didn�t you ever tell me?�

�I don�t know.� I didn�t want to lose you.�

�Well, in some way I can understand that, but still.�

�I�m really sorry Matt.� I screwed things up so badly.� Was it hard when Lara told you?�

�I almost lost my sister a few months ago.� Actually I did lose her for a while there.� It was a bad time for both of us.�

I paused to let that sink in.

�But,� I went on, �we worked things out, and we are all the better for it.�

�Don�t blame her, it was me that didn�t tell you.�

�I know.� I trust Lara with my life, and more, and I don�t blame her for anything.� I think you should apologize to her, though.��

��I will,� Julie said.� I felt a little bad for being so preachy and blunt, but I had to get these things off my chest.

�Do you still want to be with her?� I asked.

Julie was silent for a bit.

�Do you mean, be with her in that way?� she asked.

�Yeah.�

�I don�t have to anymore.� Lara and I were just experimenting back then.� I�m not, you know��

�So you�re more into guys?�

�Yeah,� she said slowly.� �Not that I ��

�Not that you didn�t enjoy it?� I finished again.�

�Yeah,� Julie answered quietly.� �You seem very comfortable with this,� she added.

�It doesn�t bother me anymore.�

I looked out at the waves.� They were a little rougher than they had been earlier.�

�So why didn�t you tell me about John?� I asked.� Another tense moment as Julie stiffened.

�John?� she asked.

�Lara told me he was your first.�

Julie sat up suddenly.�

�Why are you doing this?� she asked, anguish in her voice.

�Julie�� I reached out to her, but she pushed my hand away.

�What do I have to do to show you that I�ve changed?� You make it sound like I�ve slept with all these people, and, and � �

�Julie, whoa, wait, I�m not saying anything like that,� I said, confused by her abrupt reaction.� I kept my voice calm, but Julie was getting more and more agitated.

�Then why are you bringing up John?� That was before I even was with you.�

�So was Lara,� I said quietly.

�So, s-so what?�

�Look, it was just a simple question.� I�m not saying you should have told me, but, I just thought��

�Then why are you asking now?� It�s in the past.�

I breathed deeply, trying to keep my anxiety from growing.� Maybe I had pushed her too far, bringing up John.

I looked at Julie, standing half-lit by the ruddy sun.� Her chest was heaving, and her eyes were fixed on mine.�

It suddenly became painfully clear to me that what I did next was going to influence the rest of my vacation, and even beyond.

Was the girl I wanted to be with standing in front of me now at sunset?� Gorgeous, secretive, and sexy, but heartbreaking?

Or had she been standing before me that morning at sunrise?� Playful, challenging, and cute, but spoken for?

Time hung still as Julie and I stared at each other.� As I watched her, she gave me that look, with her big, brown, wet eyes.

Then I knew in my heart what the right decision was.�

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