Looking Through The Lens

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Chapter 11

Back Home

For once in my life I had made the right decision.� As Julie pulled me across the living room towards the door, Heather and I looked at each other.� She was sitting on the couch, next to some guy who had his arm wrapped around her shoulder.� It was obvious from their body language that they were a couple.

Heather�s face was expressionless as I traversed the room, and then I was outside in the warm air.

�Are you alright?� Julie asked me.

�What?� Yeah, just tired.� I said, recovering from my shock.

�You don�t have to walk me, if you just want to go to bed.�

�No, it�s fine, it�s not far.�

We set off towards Julie�s house.� Fortunately Julie sensed the need for silence as we walked.

So Heather was with someone.� I felt that I should be relieved that I hadn�t waited for her.� But why was I jealous then?� It was silly.� I had to shake myself out of it.�

�So I�ll see you at lunch tomorrow?� I asked, forcing a smile.

�Yeah, that sounds nice.� I�ll come by around 10?�

�Cool.�

We reached her house, and stood awkwardly for a moment on the sidewalk.

�I had a really good time tonight,� I said.

�Me too.� Thanks for coming out.�

I leaned in and kissed her gently.� She seemed surprised for an instant, and then returned the kiss.� I broke it off before she got too excited, though, and she went inside, smiling and giving me a small wave.

On the way home, I felt somewhat conflicted.� I was feeling good about the way things were going with Julie, but also sad about seeing Heather with someone.�

After my reconciliation with Lara, I had felt amazingly refreshed about life in general.� There were still loose ends to tie up in my life, for sure, but I felt relaxed, and happy.� It was a good feeling, and as I walked up the steps to my aunt�s house, I decided that I had to go with what was, not what could have been.

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The next morning I woke up feeling better than I thought I would.� Some pink still hung in the morning sky as I drew up the shades.� I knew what I had to do to get some closure.� I went out to the garage and gathered up my fishing gear.�

When I got to the foot of the pier, I wasn�t surprised to see another figure out on the end.� I stopped and looked at her for a long time.� She was leaning on the rail, the vast sphere of dark waves stretching beyond her.�

I finally started the long walk out to the end.� Just like last summer, I thought.� Except we were both a little older, and maybe a little wiser.

As I approached, she heard my shoes clunking on the pier boards, and turned to look at me.� She said nothing as I approached.

�Hey,� I said, smiling in spite of myself.

�Hi, Matt,� she replied.

�So you�re back�� we both said at the same time.

�Yeah,� again together.� Then I laughed a little.

�It�s good to see you,� I said quickly.

�You too.� I�m� surprised to see you here.�

�Why?�

�Just because,� she said evasively.

�Well, I thought you�d be here this morning.� Why are you here if you didn�t think I�d be?�

�This is where I fish,� she said simply.� I noted that she wasn�t fishing, though.

�Alright.�

I set down my stuff and prepped my rod.

�Catch anything?� I asked, peering into her bucket.

�No.��

She just watched me as I went about tying a hook on the line.

�What?� I asked, as I stopped and looked at her.

�Nothing.�

�Okay,� I said, going back to baiting the hook.

Last summer I had felt nervous around Heather, especially at first.� Oddly, this morning it seemed like she was the one caught off-guard.� Had she really thought I wasn�t going to come fish after we had seen each other the night before at the party?� Maybe she really had just come to fish alone.

No sooner had I cast in, a fish latched onto my hook.

�Well, look at that,� I said, as I reeled in a small fish.� I tried to keep my voice light, but I felt like I was trying to cut through darkness with an ember.

�Looks like you�ve been practicing,� Heather said.� She made no movement to start fishing.� Her mood was starting to disconcert me.

�Nah, I only fished twice since last summer, believe it or not.� Busy year.�

I quickly pulled in a second fish.� I was surprised, considering how my luck around her had been he previous year.

I looked at her as I unhooked the fish.

�Are you alright?� You�re not fishing.�

�I know.� I just didn�t expect to see you.�

Why were all the girls in Montauk saying that to me?

�I can come back later,� I said.

�No, that�s not what I meant.�

�So why are you surprised to see me?�

�Well, seeing as how you�re back together with Julie,� she said.� Was there a slight twinge of envy in her tone?� It was probably just me, wanting to hear it in there.�

�Well, I don�t know about that,� I said dismissively.� She had seen me with her, but so what.� No strings, Julie had said, and I was sticking to that for now.

I tugged on the line as another fish nibbled, but it was too soon and it got away.

�Oh, just missed number three,� I said, trying again to lift the tension.

�You never called me.� There was no accusation in her voice, though maybe a touch of sadness.

I looked at her for a second.� It was strange to see her so vulnerable.

�I didn�t���

I was going to say �find your note until��, but then I changed course.� Mischief had crept into my head.� Maybe some gentle teasing would break the spell around her.

��have your number,� I said, frowning.

�Oh.� So you didn�t get my note?�

�Note?� What note?�� I was having trouble not breaking into a smile.� I raised my eyebrows at her, hoping she wasn�t seeing my ruse.

�I left you my number.� On your fishing license.� Didn�t you get it?�� She seemed frustrated.

�I got my fishing license, which by the way, how did you get it in the first place?�

�I took it out from your box once, when I was borrowing your pliers,� she admitted.�

�Clever.� That�s how you found out my name, obviously.�

�Yeah.�� Heather seemed disconcerted.� �But you didn�t see my note?� I wrote it on the back.�

�Must have missed it.�

She just looked at me.

�I�m such an idiot,� she said quietly.

�What?�

�Nothing, forget it.�

Heather lifted her pole and cast her line into the water.� She looked sullen.� I started feeling bad for messing with her.� My heart started to race, as I wondered what I was missing.

Another fish bit my bait, and I pulled it in.� It was a nice size.

�Number three.�� I said, bucketing the fish.� I looked at Heather.� Her eyes were missing their usual light.� It was time to end the game.

�You know, you better start catching, or I�ll be winning the contest this year.� Heather.�

I watched her mouth drop open.

�Matt, you� you��� She sputtered some incoherent phrases out.

�I have no idea what you are saying,� I said nonchalantly, looking out at the water.� Finally some reaction from her, I thought, relieved.� I turned to her, smiling.� My smile faded when I saw her eyes wet with tears.

�What�s wrong?� I asked, putting down my fishing rod.� I moved a few paces towards her, concerned with this turn of events.

�Nothing, nothing,� she said.� She turned away from me, dropping her fishing rod to the deck with a clatter.� The tip swung awkwardly above the deck as the line caught on the rail.� She wiped at her eyes as I watched her, helpless.� What had happened?

�Heather, talk to me, what�s going on?�

She said nothing, just sniffed a few times.� My insides churned as I desperately tried to think of what to do.

�Just go,� she said quietly.

�Why, what did I do?�

�Nothing, I just need to be alone right now.�

I stood stone still for a long while, watching her shoulders move up and down.� I was afraid; my image of Heather had always included confidence and strength, and yet here she was reduced to tears and sending me away.�

�Heather��

�Just go,� she repeated.

I let out a sigh, and then gathered my fishing gear quietly.� As I walked past her, I felt a hollowness in my stomach.� I almost spoke again, but felt that I had used up my share of words with her, and I didn�t want to make her any more angry at me, or whatever she was angry at.

At the end of the pier, I looked back once more.� She was once again leaning against the railing, looking out at the dark sea.�

The walk home had been difficult; more than once I had started walking back towards the pier, only to turn around after a dozen steps.� I hoped maybe Lara would have some insight into the situation, because I sure had no idea what had just happened.� She was mad at me for not calling, was my best guess.

When I got back to the house, all the adults were up and had just finished breakfast.� They were having an animated conversation out on the porch.� Lara was in the kitchen, just out of bed and looking quite tired.� I watched her for a moment, thankful I had at least one person who understood me.

�Hey, look, there�s some dishes for you,� I said.

�Oh, fuck off,� she replied, unsuccessfully stifling a yawn.

I smiled despite my uneasy mood.� I turned on the water, and started washing breakfast plates.� Lara stood at the pantry, trying to decide what to eat.� Suddenly, she gave me a sidelong glance, and then pointed at the sink with her mouth open.

�Oh my god, did you � ?�

�Shh!!� I cut her off, gesturing at our parents just outside the door.

I went back to washing the dishes, as she came up to me.� She gave me a tight hug.� I looked down at her smile in surprise, somewhat confused by her tender gesture.� It felt good though, after my rather uncomfortable morning.

�What�s that for?� I asked as she pulled away.

�Just happy not to be doing dishes,� she said, sticking her tongue out at me.�

�Oh, I thought for a second maybe you were happy for me,� I said with the most sarcasm I could come up with.

�Whatever!� she laughed.

I splashed some soapy water at her.� The jet caught her on the shorts, making it look like she had peed on herself.� I laughed and pointed.� She looked from the wet spot to me and back, giving me a what-the-fuck look.

Then she somehow grabbed the sink sprayer and was showering me with water.� I splashed desperately at the sink as I fended her off.� Lara shrieked as water ran all over her.

We both stopped still when we heard a crash.� Somehow I had scooped up a glass in a handful of water and it had hit the floor, sending clear shards into the growing pool of suds.� Lara looked at me wide-eyed for a few seconds, and then we both started laughing.

�What the�?� I heard Sarah say behind me.

Lara and I were dripping wet, standing barefoot in a pool of soapy water and broken glass, laughing our asses off.� Soap bubbles were everywhere.� The cabinets had little white beards hanging here and there.�

Mom didn�t seem as pleased as we were, though.

�What the hell is going on?� Melissa said.

�Matt started it,� Lara said.

All four adults were now looking at us.� Hans and Beth were laughing quietly, and soon our parents were even smiling a little.� We must have looked ridiculous.

�How old are you two?� You�d think you just turned five, not fifteen,� Sarah said, as she skirted the pool and went for some towels.� She came back and tossed us each one, and threw a few on the floor.�

�Great, glass,� she said with a grimace, as she heard the pieces crunching under the towel.� �If you cut your feet, you only have yourselves to blame,� she chided.

Eventually we extricated ourselves from the area without injury and went to the bathroom to change out of the soapy clothes.

�And no more water fighting!� Melissa yelled after us as we went down the hall.

Lara went into her room, and I went into mine.� I looked in the mirror.� A white blob of soap bubbles was quivering on my hair.� As I walked out into the hallway, Lara exited her room too, garments in hand.� For a second, we stopped, eyeing each other.� Then we both dashed the six feet to the bathroom door between us.�

I banged into Lara as we both squeezed into the doorway.� Lara yelled as I grabbed her and tried to push her out into the hallway.�

�Hey!� came the warning yell from my Mom.� We quieted, and entered the bathroom, still tugging at each other for advantage.

No sooner had we closed the door, Lara punched my arm.

�Way to go,� she said with mock anger.� She started taking her shirt and shorts off.

�What?�

�Breaking the glass.� That was Beth�s favorite!�

�Shut up, it was just a dumb glass.� You were the one who got the house wet.� At least I kept it on you.�

I threw my soggy clothes into the sink, where they landed on top of Lara�s with a wet splat. �Lara had turned on the bath water.� As she sat to pee, I entered the shower.

�So, doing dishes, huh?� Something you haven�t told me?� she said.

�Shh.�

�They can�t hear.�

�Yes they can.�

She finished peeing, and looked at me mischievously as she flushed the toilet.� That was forbidden, since it made the shower ice cold for some reason.� I jumped back, trying to aim the spray away from me as it turned frigid.

�You � !�

�Hey, no water fights, you heard Mom!� Lara said with a smirk, as I grabbed the shower head out of the holder and was about to aim it at her.� There was another brief standoff, and then I put the head back in place as it turned warmer again.

�Watch out,� Lara said, as she pushed me aside and got under the water.� Lara turned and squeezed the water out of her hair, thrusting her chest out at me.�

�What�s wrong?� she asked, teasingly.

My mood had turned uneasy again, though not so much because of Lara.� The events of the morning had crept back into my thoughts.

�I saw Heather this morning,� I said suddenly.

�What?� When?�

�I was up early and went to the pier.�

�And?� But wait, what about Julie?�

I considered for a second.� Where to start?�

�You know, let�s go out to the beach and talk, I don�t want our parents to overhear anything.�

Lara considered for a moment.�

�Alright.� I�m almost done.�� Lara rinsed off her body as I watched.� James was a lucky guy, I thought to myself absently.�

After we were finished showering, we headed out to the beach in our bathing suits.� As we were walking out through the porch, Melissa coughed dramatically.

�You�re welcome,� she said expectantly.

We stopped in the doorway.� We realized the kitchen was free of water.� And beards.

�Thanks,� we said in chorus, feeling sheepish.

Melissa just smirked and waved us out the door.

The sand was starting to get uncomfortably hot, so we went into the waves.� They were aggressive this morning, so we tried to float out beyond the white caps, but it was too strong a current.� A few times I had a scare as a wave pulled on me.

�You know, this is insane.� Let�s just lay on the sand,� I yelled, as we floated between breakers.

�Too hot.� How about the pier?� Lara suggested.

I looked around.� I just wanted a quiet place to talk.� The difficulty of acquiring such a seemingly simple goal was starting to make me frustrated.

�Bike ride?� I said, not knowing where to go, but at least we�d be alone.

�Sure,� Lara shrugged.

We tramped up the sand again, heading back into the house.�

�Waves are too rough,� I said, in answer to Sarah�s questioning look.

�We�re going for a bike ride,� Lara added.

After an eternity, we finally were on our way along the road.� We headed into town for lack of anywhere else to go.�

The wind was heavy, and annoying.� Everything was annoying, I thought.� Finally I saw a shady patch of grass under some trees, so I steered over to it and dropped my bike to the turf.�

�Here?� I asked.

Lara shrugged and dismounted.

�You seem really tense all of the sudden,� Lara observed as we lay down on the grass.�

�Yeah, I don�t know what the fuck is going on,� I said with desperation.

�What happened with Heather? �Seems like it didn�t go well.�

�No, it didn�t.�

I recounted the morning exchange.

�So when you saw her at the party last night, were you with Julie?�

�Yeah, I was holding her hand, I think.�

�Well, she�s probably jealous then,� Lara said simply.

�Jealous?� Why do you say that?� I asked.

�Think about it from her perspective.�

�She�s with someone, though,� I stressed.

�Fine, but forget that.� She leaves you her number last summer, and you never call.� Then��

�But I�� I started to protest.

�Shh, let me finish.� I know your side.� You didn�t tell her that you didn�t find her note until recently,� Lara noted.

I thought for a second.� �No, I guess you�re right.�

�So she gets back last summer, and hears that you hooked up with Julie while she�s gone.� And, she never heard from you.� Then you come back this summer, after Julie has clearly been going out with someone else, and you are suddenly back together with her.� I mean, that�s the first thing she sees when you come out of the hallway last night.� I�d be shocked too.�

I sat in silence.� It made a lot more sense now.� �So this morning, she probably thought I didn�t call her on purpose.� Fuck, I�m such an idiot!� I never told her the whole story because she sent me away.�

Suddenly fear gripped me.� �Oh my god,� I said, �I hope she��

�What?� Lara asked, sitting up, concern on her face.

I remembered the last time I had sent Lara away from me.� Things had not gone so well that night.

�You don�t think she would have done something stupid after I left?�

Images of her jumping off the pier washed through me.

�What do you mean?�

�She was on the pier, angry, alone, she sent me away, I don�t know.�

Lara looked at me seriously for a moment.

�I don�t know, Matt, I don�t know her.�� Lara touched my arm.� �I wouldn�t worry though, I mean, she was probably just upset to see you.� And going in all confident probably wasn�t the best approach, maybe it just threw her off,� Lara added.

I looked at her with a wretched expression.�

�Sorry, bad word choice,� she said quietly.

I stood up, pulling Lara up.� �Come on, I have to see if everything�s alright.�

�Matt, I�m sure��

�Please, it would help me a lot.� It�s just right here,� I said, as I got on my bike.

�What?�

�Her fish store.�

We biked over to the group of shops.� My heart raced.� Was I being ridiculous?� But then I remembered Lara saying she wished she hadn�t left when I sent her away.� As we approached, I told Lara to go in and see if Heather was there.� We set the bikes around the corner as I described her, and then Lara went down to Martin�s.� I waited anxiously.� Fairly quickly, Lara emerged from the market and came up the sidewalk.

�So?� I asked nervously.

�It�s fine, Matt.� She was there, working the counter.�

�Are you sure it was her?�

�Yeah, some guy working there called her by name.�

I took in a large breath, and let out a relieved sigh.

�Thanks.� I�m sorry, I overreacted, as usual.�

�No problem.� I�m just glad everything is alright.� Well, I mean that she�s�not��

�Yeah, I know what you mean.�

�Do you want to go in and talk to her?�

�No, I don�t think that�s a good idea right now.� I�ll try and find her in a day or two, maybe she�ll have cooled off by then.�

�She�s cute,� Lara said.

�Hey now!� I warned with a finger.

�What!?� You�re with Julie now, aren�t you?�

I looked at my watch.

�Shit, I almost forgot.� Julie�s coming over soon, we better get back.�

We mounted the bikes and started back towards our Aunt�s house.

�So what happened with you and Julie last night?�

I let out a laugh. ��Well, you were right.� She has her claws in me.� I was all ready to sit back and watch you do dishes all week, and then she came along.�

�So what happened?� Lara asked again, excitement in her voice.

�The party was cool, had a few beers and drinks, and then Julie dragged me into a bedroom.�

�Dragged you, huh?� Sounds like you put up a real fight.�

�Oh yeah, a stiff one,� I said lewdly.� Lara laughed.

�No, really, I didn�t want to do anything.� Not because of our bet.� I wasn�t really going to enforce my prize anyway.� But I wasn�t ready to just get back together with her so fast.� Not when there are so many things we haven�t talked about.�

�Are you going to bring me up with her?�

�I think I have to.�

�I think so too.� I have to admit I�m still a little mad at her that she never told you.�

�Mmm.� So anyways, we�re going to have a nice long talk today.�

�Where?�

I laughed.� �Yeah, I know.� It doesn�t seem like a day for quiet talking.�

�So, you never really said what you and Julie ended up doing last night, after your, uh, stiff resistance.�

�Aren�t you afraid of picturing me?� I said, mimicking her words from the other evening.

�No, I�m looking forward to it,� Lara said with a grin.

I laughed, and shook my head.

�I can�t take you anywhere,� I said.

�You don�t have to, I can handle myself, thanks.�

�Yeah, I know,� I agreed.

�So!?�

�So�she gave me a blowjob.�

Lara laughed wildly.� �I just love you, Matt.� The other night on the beach you�re all saying that you�re not getting back together with Julie, blah, blah blah, blah blah, and then a few nights later she�s sucking your dick!�

�Hey, you know how she is!� I protested� �She just gives you that look with those big brown eyes, and it�s over.� You said as much yourself!�

Lara just smiled knowingly at me.

�She really is beautiful,� Lara said, more seriously now.

�Yeah.� She�s definitely got It.�

�I wish I did,� Lara said.

�What are you talking about?� You are totally hot, too,� I said, before I realized it.

Lara looked at me, wide-eyed and barely concealing a smile.� �Did you just say what I heard you say?�

�Um, no.� I said, red-faced.� �Nothing of the sort.�

�Jeez, I never thought I�d hear you say that.�� I glanced at Lara, and noticed that she was a little flushed too.

We were quiet for a while, riding the last stretch home.

�So when did you come to that conclusion?� In the shower?� Lara asked.

�I don�t know what you�re talking about.� I said.

We put the bikes away and went around back to the porch steps.

�Did you � �

�Lara, let it rest,� I said.� My tone was playful though.� Lara gave me a little nod, and we shared a private smile as we went into the house.

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