Chapter 9: Monday (Cont'd)

Ding-Ding…Ding-Ding

Our doorbell was ringing and that was weird. Nobody ever rang our doorbell. Nobody ever came over, except Josh maybe, but it was barely three-thirty. He'd still be at school, or walking home maybe and he wouldn't ring it anyway. Angie might ring the doorbell, but she went to college until like four or something.

"It's that woman from the news," I decided and we'd kind of forgotten about her.

"What was that about anyway?" Mom wondered and she was getting off my bed. 

"Me getting suspended, I think."

"Hmph," she snorted. "I'll talk to them. Must be a really slow news day."

She was still dressed for sleeping in a long pink t-shirt with number 69 on the back and panties underneath. Maybe. I never really knew with my mom. She had her platinum bed head and no bra, of course, and her nipples were pretty obvious. I wondered if Mom would end up on the news. That would be kind of funny.

Ding-Ding

"I'm coming!" Mom sorta yelled, but not really. Mrs. Whiting was probably already in a bad mood after our little fight.

I sat up, shrugging out of my army coat, and started taking off the red high heels I was wearing. They hadn't really been that uncomfortable. I'd gotten used to them or something, or more likely I just had other things on my mind. But they were sorta okay. Maybe. They weren't my boots though and I reminded myself to call Jody before she came over and tell her to bring all my stuff.

"Sam? Come out here, please!" Mom called me and I wondered if she'd invited those news people into the house or something. She was using that tone of voice she used in front of other people, you know? Firm, but polite.

"Oh!" I blinked at Ms. Owens first of all and I'd totally forgotten to tell my mom to call her. She was dressed like always, you know, sort of a nice blouse, a blue one, and a matching skirt, a short one, and Ms. Owens always looked pretty cute.

"Hi Sam," Dr. Chase smiled at me and she was there too! Standing in my living room and even though she was like thirty and a doctor, she looked nice too in a lavender sorta dress with white flowers and her black hair was loose, which was different, and her green eyes were soft.

"Uh…Hi." I glanced at my mom and I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"We can sit here," Mom said. "Would you like something to drink? I can make some coffee…"

"Oh. No thank you, Ms. Madeiros…" Dr. Chase said as she sat on the sofa. 

"Monica, please," Mom told her and looked at me. "Sam, come over here. Sit down with us."

It felt really strange having my teachers in my house. Or one of my teachers anyway, I wasn't totally sure what Dr. Chase was. My counselor, I guessed, and nobody said anything for a minute while we got comfortable. Except I wasn't really comfortable, you know? I was pretty nervous and my mom hadn't even bothered getting dressed. I guess it didn't matter though, Dr. Chase and Ms. Owens didn't seem to mind that my Mom was just wearing a t-shirt that barely covered her butt.

"That's nice outfit, Sam," Dr. Chase smiled at me and I remembered to cross my legs high at my thighs and I pulled the skirt down the way Ms. Owens had just done it with hers.

"Thanks," I almost smiled. "I kinda borrowed it."

"Really?" she nodded at that. "From a friend?"

"Yeah, um…" I shrugged and it was just like being in her office, except different. "Jody Skyler? She sorta let me wear it."

"Hmmm…" Ms. Owens was smiling too. "I don't think I saw her at school today."

"Oh. Yeah, um…" I looked at my mom and she was watching me. "She wasn't, uh…feeling good. Or something."

"Right," Dr. Chase nodded. "Well, you certainly look nice, Sam."

"So…What can we do for you?" Mom wondered and she needed to start getting ready for work soon.

"We wanted to talk to you and Sam about what happened this morning," Ms. Owens said with a look at Dr. Chase. "I think we were both a little worried about her."

"I'm okay," I offered.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," Dr. Chase told me. "My flight was delayed and didn't get in until eight and I think I just missed you this morning. Would you tell me what happened, Sam?"

"Um, I just didn't want to do it. When the Principal told me I had to, um, you know…take off my clothes," I shrugged, "I said no. And then he, uh…Oh! Ms. Beyle said she'd get some boys to make me. Mr. Eckert tried to call my mom and then he said I was going to be in trouble, like my mom would get in trouble too, and…"

"Okay," Dr. Chase nodded. "Why did you say no, Sam?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, looking down at my hands. "I just didn't want to take off my clothes."

"I told her that she has to," Mom sighed. "That it's part of school now and…"

"It is part of school," Dr. Chase agreed and she was still looking at me. "You don't like Principal Eckert very much, do you?"

"Uhhh…He's okay, I guess."

"Or Ms. Beyle?" she added. "Up here, Sam."

I looked up and we both knew I couldn't lie to her, not when I was looking at her, and I shook my head.

"No, I don't them very much," I said softly.

"They can be a little intimidating, can't they?" Dr. Chase sighed. "It's hard to trust someone if they scare you, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I cleared my throat and glanced at Ms. Owens and she was nodded sympathetically.

"Do you trust us, Sam?" Dr. Chase asked, looking at Ms. Owens for a second, and then looking into my eyes. 

"Um, yeah," I told her truthfully.

"Good," she smiled. "We trust you too, Sam. We like you very much, don't we?"

"That's why we're so concerned," Ms. Owens nodded. "We want to make sure you're alright."

"Yeah," I smiled back, feeling my face getting warm and their words were making me feel better.

"Good. Now, I'm going to tell you the truth, just like I always do," Dr. Chase leaned forward. "I think the Program would help you, Sam. I think you'd be surprised at how it can change the way you see yourself and your friends."

"Ummm…" I smiled weakly, wanting to believe her but not knowing what she meant.

"Sam, we don't want you to do it because just it's the new rule," Ms. Owens told me. "That's never a good reason, is it? Not by itself." 

"No."

"We want you to do it because we're your friends," Ms. Owens assured me gently. "Because we care about you. Do you remember when I told you I had to do it? And I told you I didn't want to, but after it was over, I was glad I did."

"Yeah. I remember."

"That's what I want to share with you, Sam," she said. "I want you to have that experience and learn from it just like I did."

"I'm scared though," I sighed. "I just…"

"I know. I know," Ms. Owens agreed.

"You've been frightened before, right?" Dr. Chase asked me. "You told me you were nervous about starting high school. Remember that? You told me you were scared on the first day of school."

"Yeah. I was," I smiled self-consciously at my mom because I hadn't told her about that. I hadn't told anyone but Dr. Chase.

"And how did you get over that fear, Sam?" she asked me. "What did you tell me before?"

"That, um…I was with Josh, so it was okay."

"You were with your friend," Dr. Chase nodded. "You're going to be with him again. He's going to be there with you."

"You have even more friends now," Ms. Owens smiled at me. "I'll be there. Ellen's going to be there…Jody? Is she your friend now too?"

"Yeah," I cleared my throat. "She's my, um…friend."

"We're all going to be with you, Sam," Dr. Chase said. "It's okay to be scared. It's natural to be nervous and worry. Getting over that, dealing with those feelings and overcoming them is how we grow. It's what makes us stronger than we were before."

"Okay," I said, nodding my head because all of that made sense.

"Yeah?" Ms. Owens asked me. "Do you understand what we're saying?"

"I think so."

"And…" Dr. Chase tilted her head and smiled, "…do you think you can participate next week? Will you try it?"

"Uhhh…Yeah," I swallowed hard and I knew if I said that, I wouldn't be able to take it back. It was like a promise.

"Good," Ms. Owens took a deep breath. "I'm very proud of you, Sam."

"We both are," Dr. Chase agreed. "On Monday, you won't have to undress in front of the Principal or Ms. Beyle either."

"I won't?"

"No. I'm sure they're good at what they do, but after meeting with the Mrs. Perkins today…"

"She's the district supervisor," Ms. Owens explained.

"…it was decided that I would administer the program with help from Ms. Owens and Mr. Singer," Dr. Chase said. "We really should have considered the issue more carefully than we did. I'm sorry for that."

"What do you mean?" Mom asked.

"Ms. Beyle can be a little…confrontational?" Ms. Owens offered with a small shrug and Dr. Chase nodded. "And Principal Eckert is, well, he's a high school principal. He's not used to explaining himself to students."

"Yeah, no kidding!" I giggled and felt a strange sense of relief that I'd actually agreed to do the NIS thing on Monday. 

I was still scared and everything, but if Dr. Chase and Ms. Owens were in charge now…God! That was like great! It just made me feel safer, you know? Like even though I was naked and all that, they'd protect me and that was a feeling I never got from Ms. Beyle or the Principal. I felt stronger too, or something, like confident? I felt like I could really do it. 

"Now…" Dr. Chase was opening her purse and she had a Parental Consent form and a pen, "…If I could get you to sign this for me, Monica."

Mom read it while I sat nervously and I wished Dr. Chase hadn't brought one of those with her. I mean, I knew my mom would have to sign one, but…I kinda wished she didn't.

"So if I don't sign this, Sam doesn't have to participate?" Mom asked and I almost wondered if she really wouldn't sign it.

"No," Ms. Owens shook her head. "So long as Sam is enrolled in a public school, she has to participate."

"If you don't sign," Dr. Chase explained, "Sam will be excused from Redmond High and you'll have to enroll her in another school within two weeks."

"So…" Mom sorta rolled her eyes. "I'm signing this so she doesn't get kicked out of school."

"Exactly," Ms. Owens said with a smile. "Also, you need to indicate whether or not Sam is allowed to engage in sexual activities while she's in the Program."

"And with other students who are active over the course of the school year," Dr. Chase added. "The school district will be responsible for Sam's health, but you'll be responsible for her method of birth control."

"So if she catches something…" Mom narrowed her eyes.

"The school has medical insurance," Ms. Owens nodded. "Intercourse won't be required, but certain circumstances may arise when students will be encouraged to explore their sexuality."

"Hmmm…" Mom shrugged and I was blushing. "She can still say no, right? Nobody is going to force her to do anything. Right?"

"Absolutely not," Dr. Chase said. "The choice will always be left to Sam and the other student. Even the smallest infractions cannot be tolerated."

"There will be no excuses for improper behavior," Ms. Owens agreed. "We're making that very clear to all our students and faculty."

"Okay," Mom actually smiled. "That doesn't sound so bad, does it, Sam?"

"Uh…" I looked down quickly as Mom almost signed the paper, but she stopped.

"What about lesbians?" Mom asked and I really burned then!

"Um, what about them?" Ms. Owens asked, glancing at Dr. Chase.

"I mean, if Sam wanted to explore her sexuality with another girl…" Mom shrugged.

"And if the other girl is willing," Dr. Chase smiled, "we would certainly encourage them to discuss and experiment with each other."

"Good," Mom signed the paper and gave it to Dr. Chase. "Is that it?"

"Almost," Ms. Owens agreed. "The only other thing is that Sam's suspension has been reduced to three days. Mrs. Perkins thought a week was a little too much under the circumstances."

"So, we'll look for you on Thursday morning, Sam," Dr. Chase told me. "And I really do hope you wear that outfit again. It looks very nice on you."

"Oh," I nodded and tried to smile, but the idea of wearing a dress to school was almost worse than going naked.

"It was nice to see you again, Monica," Ms. Owens shook hands with my mom.

"Very nice meeting you," Dr. Chase shook her hand as well and we were all standing up.

"Sam," Ms. Owens surprised me with a hug. A nice one and even though it was kinda weird, I liked it.

"Uh…Ms. Owens?" I asked just before they left. "Who did, um, Penny pick this morning? Which boy, I mean.

"Oh," she looked at me. "She picked Josh."

"Oh." I frowned at that, but I'd already figured she would.

That bummed me out, but not just because Penny had picked him, but more because I wasn't even there. Josh was my best friend and he was going to school naked, probably all stressed out, and I'd been at Jody's house having sex all day. He'd needed me. Maybe. And I hadn't been there and wouldn't be there until Thursday. It didn't make me feel like much of a friend and I was glad nobody had said anything about it, but they didn't have to. I was already feeling guilty enough.

"Monica!" I sighed once we were alone and she looked at me.

"What?" she asked innocently as she picked up the phone. It was mounted to the wall near the kitchen, one of those kind with like twenty feet of tangled twisty phone cord.

"You didn't have to ask them about the lesbian thing," I frowned at her.

"Your teachers are cute," she said, punching buttons on the handset. "I can see why you like them. Especially Rachel. I bet she spends a lot of time at the gym…Nance? Hey, it's Monica. Is Bernie there? Let me talk at him a sec…Thanks…"

"Rachel? What?" I blinked at her. "Who are you calling?"

"I never met a blonde Rachel before though," Mom grinned at me. "They always seem to be…Bernie? Hi. Hey, I'm not gonna make it in tonight…Huh? Ohhh, you know…I got a little tummy ache…" Mom giggled, "…Yeah. I love you too. Thanks, Bernie. Ba-bye!"

"You're not going to work?" I asked and Mom smiled as she hung up the phone. 

"Nope," she stretched and scratched her head, pulling her t-shirt up so I could see that she was totally not wearing underwear!

"You don't have panties on?"

"Oh relax, Sam!" Mom grinned at me. "Those two weren't going to care, believe me!"

"Why?" I narrowed my eyes and I was pretty confused.

"Because they could barely take their eyes off each other!" Mom laughed at the look on my face. "Rachel and Ellen? You didn't know they're gay?"

"No!" I felt my face getting hot. "How do you know?"

"Just how they looked at each other," she shrugged. "Those two got it bad. What are we going to eat tonight? How about an omelet?"

"That's why you asked them about lesbians?"

"Hmmmm?" Mom was looking through the refrigerator. "I was asking for you. If you're going to be naked for a week, I want to make sure you're going to have fun!"

"Monica!" I was really blushing then, but I didn't think Ms. Owens was a lesbian anyway. Dr. Chase maybe, but Ms. Owens had told us in Health class about all her boyfriends in college, and she'd had a lot of them. Maybe she was like bi-sexual or something? I had no idea.

"How come our fridge is always empty?"

"How come you're not going to work?" I asked her, feeling kinda overloaded all at once. Ms. Owens and Dr. Chase were lesbians? Mom was staying home? God! Jody couldn't come over?

"It's Monday," she shrugged. "Slow night for tips anyway. Besides, you're going over to Josh's house, right?"

"Uh…" I blinked at that, trying to switch gears and my brain wasn't working.

"I thought you were going to watch the football game or something?"

"Oh! Yeah," I shook me head. "I forgot. Um…Maybe. What are you gonna…"

"Great! I'll go over there with you," Mom decided and now I was really confused.

"What do you mean?"

"How about if we go out someplace and eat?" Mom smiled at me. "Just give me half an hour, okay?"

"Monica! What do you mean, you're going to Josh's house?"

"You're not going to change, are you?" she asked over her shoulder. "I bet Josh would love to see you dressed like that."

"You can't!" I finally said. "Josh's mom is gonna be there!"

"Oh!" Mom was in the bathroom and she gave me a funny look. "Are you sure about that?"

"Pretty sure," I said, feeling nervous suddenly. "Why?"

"I heard Linda was going to visit her sister down in Portland," she shrugged. "I guess we'll find out, huh?"

"Oh God!" I frowned. "You can't do this to me!"

"Do what?"

"He's my best friend's dad, Monica!"

"I know," Mom pulled her t-shirt over her head. "That's why I want to talk with him about it. Okay?"

"Just talk?" I asked her suspiciously, not really believing her at all.

"Find me a towel, would you?" Mom ignored me and she wasn't going to explain any more than she had.

--------------------------------------------------------

I was just reaching for the phone to call Jody and tell her she couldn't come over when it rang.

"Hello?"

"Sam? Hey."

"Oh! Hi, Josh." I cleared my throat and I felt really bad all of a sudden and I didn't know what to say.

"Guess what I learned in school today," he sorta laughed.

"I, um…I heard Penny picked you."

"Yeah," he sighed. "It was pretty strange."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

"Cause, I shoulda…I don't know. Cause I wasn't even there. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine. I was just naked," he laughed. "I'm kinda glad you weren't there."

"Really? Why?"

"Never mind."

"What?"

"Nothing," he insisted. "Are you still coming over tonight?"

"Yeah," I nodded into the phone. "I guess so, um…I think my mom wants to come with me."

"Your mom's coming over?"

"I guess," I said. "Um…Is your mom there?"

"No," Josh replied. "She went to Portland. My Aunt Carol is sick or something."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"I just wondered."

"Are you okay? You sound kinda weird."

"Me? Yeah. I don't know. I got suspended."

"Yeah! Everybody was talking about it," Josh laughed. "Penny is pretty mad at you!"

"They were? She is?"

"Oh yeah. She was like talking about you all day."

"She was?"

"Sorta. Mostly she was kinda busy being naked though."

"Oh," I giggled nervously.

"What did you do all day?"

"Me? Nothing," I lied. "I just, um…hung out and stuff."

"Yeah. I got your homework."

"What homework?"

"From school!" he said. "All the teachers gave me notes and stuff for you."

"They did?"

"Yeah. I'll give it to you later. It isn't much anyway. The game starts at seven."

"I'll be there."

"Cool. See ya later."

"Kay."

As soon as I hung up the phone, it rang again and I made a face at it.

"Hello?"

"Hi Sammy!" 

"Oh! Hi, Angie." I winced and felt my heart kinda drop into my tummy.

"What's up? I missed you all day today!"

"Yeah," I said, trying as hard as I could to sound as happy as she was. "I missed you too."

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Um…"

"Need help with your homework or anything?" she giggled softly. "I can come over, if you want."

"Oh. The, um, Seahawks are playing tonight," I told her. "I promised Josh I'd go to his house and…"

"Oh! Like a guy thing?" Angie laughed again. "That's cool. I heard boyfriends are like that."

"Uh, you mean me?" I asked, giggling nervously because for a second I thought she meant Josh was my boyfriend.

"Yeah! You're still my boyfriend right?"

"Yeah," I agreed, even though I knew it was kind of a lie, except I didn't know what I was anymore.

"I wanna see you again so badly, Sam."

"Me too," I whispered, just because she'd whispered.

"Are you sure you want to watch football?" she teased me. "We could do something else."

"I…Yeah, I know, but my mom's got the night off too and…"

"Okay," Angie sighed. "Can I see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I said without thinking, just because she sounded so…something. She really wanted to see me and I wanted to see her, except I knew I liked Jody more.

"Okay," she said and it was quiet for a second. "Bye, Sam."

"Bye."

"I love you," Angie said and then hung up real quickly before I could say anything back to her and I frowned at the phone wondering what I was gonna do.

At least the phone didn't ring and I was able to call Jody.

"Hey!" I said when she answered, except I could barely hear anything but some kind of music.

"What?"

"What?" I frowned and then she was yelling at someone to turn the music down. "What are you doing?"

"Who are you?"

"Uh…Sam," I said. "Jody?"

"Oh. No. I'm Shelly. Hold on a sec."

That made me feel kinda dumb, but she had sounded sorta like Jody at first.

"Sam! Hi! Wassup?"

"Hi!" I smiled instantly. "I thought that other girl was you."

"Who? Shelly? That's Kurt's girlfriend. What are you doing?"

"Hey, my mom's taking the night off…"

"Oh yeah?"

"…So, um…She wants to go out and eat and stuff."

"So I can't like come over and make out with you, huh?"

"Uh!" I laughed. "Probably not!"

"That sucks," she giggled. "God! I wanted to like check out your bed, you know?"

"Yeah," I grinned into the phone. "It's a nice one. You'd like it."

"I bet! Better than the floor, right?"

"Heh!"

"You still wearing my panties?"

"Yeah!"

"I still got your boxers on too."

"Okay."

"I'm not gonna take them off either."

"You're not?"

"Not tonight!" Jody laughed. "I'm gonna get in bed and…Uh-huh! You know…And then I'm gonna…Oh yeah! And then I'm gonna…"

"Shut-up!" I giggled. "I don't wanna know."

"I'll come over after school tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? Like…Right after school?"

"Yeah!"

"But my mom's gonna be home!" I whispered, looking over my shoulder just to make sure she wasn't standing there. "She doesn't go to work until six."

"So? I got all your stuff! I can bring it over, right?"

"Yeah, but…"

"But what? I'm not gonna like, out you or anything!"

"Out me?"

"Yeah. You know? Tell her we're gay?"

"Oh! I, um…I already told her. Sorta."

"You did?" Jody laughed happily. "You're so fucking awesome, Sam!"

"Heh!" I had to laugh too.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to swear."

"Yeah right!"

"So cool! Tomorrow, okay? I'm coming over and you can give me my panties back."

"Yeah, okay."

"Make sure they're like totally wet too!"

"What?" I gasped and giggled.

"Yeah! You know what I mean!"

"You're so sick!"

"I love you!"

"I love you too," I sighed.

"Think about me later!" she giggled. "Cause I'm gonna be thinkin' about you."

"God! As if I have a choice now?" I laughed and then my mom was coming. "I gotta go."

"Yeah. See ya later."

"Okay. Bye."

"Who was that?" Mom asked me when I hung up the phone. She'd wrapped herself in a brown towel, drying her hair after her bath.

"Oh. Um…Jody," I shrugged. "She's gonna bring my stuff over after school tomorrow."

"Your stuff?" she narrowed her eyes. "Why does Jody have your stuff?"

"I kinda left it at her house today," I said. "She's got my clothes and my backpack."

"Okay," Mom smiled and shook her head. "So that's why you're wearing hers. I get it."

"Yeah," I giggled nervously. "She's kinda…weird."

"I bet," Mom nodded. "Okay. Well, I'll get dressed and we can go. Where do you want to eat?"

--------------------------------------------------------

"You should have worn that skirt," Mom said and I rolled my eyes over the top of the menu.

"I'm not gonna go to Josh's house wearing a dress," I told her. "What are you going to order?"

"Lemon chicken, I think."

"Is that good?"

"It's okay," Mom shrugged. "What are you going to have?"

"I don't know," I giggled. "I don't know what half this stuff is."

"Nobody does."

We didn't go out to eat very often and I don't think we'd ever gone to Chinatown before, what little there was of it. You'd think Seattle would have a bigger one, but it was pretty small and not fancy at all. Mostly it was just a bunch of little stores selling porcelain jars and karaoke videos, but there were some restaurants too and we were sitting in one. 

"Still mad at me?" my mom wondered after we ordered.

"Kinda," I shrugged. "I don't know why you have to hook up with Josh's dad."

"It just happened," she said. "He's a grown man; he knows what he's doing."

"He's my friend though. Kinda. It's like he's my dad too sometimes."

"Hmmm…" Mom sipped her tea and I'd tried mine, but it wasn't good like Angie's.

"And Josh's mom is nice," I told her. "It's not fair for her."

"It's not our problem," Mom told me and I blinked at that.

"How can you say that? Josh is my best friend!"

"I don't mean I don't care," she said. "I'm just saying that it's none of our business."

"But you're the one's he…" I stopped and looked around and finally lowered my head.

"The one he's fucking?" Mom smiled. "You're right. That's what he's doing and that's all it is."

"God!"

"It's just sex, Sam. If he wasn't fucking me he'd be fucking somebody else. I see a hundred married guys every night and they're all the same."

"He's not the same."

"He's not your father either," Mom said. "He's a nice guy and I know you like him, but…"

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore," I decided, sitting back and crossing my arms over my stomach.

"Okay," she shrugged. "Don't worry. I'll tell him tonight that it's over, okay?"

"Promise?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it," Mom said. "But you've got to stop being mad about it."

"I just don't want Josh to get mad at me."

"I know."

"Alright then," I sighed, wondering if my mom was really serious or not. She said she was, but she hadn't really promised either. I didn't trust her very much.

Especially since she was dressed like she wanted to do anything but break up with her new boyfriend. Mom was wearing a black sweater with a serious V-neck and a black bra underneath that. Like I could see the lace where it pushed her tits up and she had some deep cleavage going on, you know? Plus one of her tight black skirts, the really clingy kind that barely covered her butt, some dark stockings and black heels. Her face was made up and her platinum hair really set off her brown skin and dark eyes.

My mom was definitely smokin' and the waiter, some young Chinese guy, could barely deliver our food without drooling in it.

I wore my usual pair of jeans and a flannel shirt unbuttoned over a white t-shirt. I had my Mariners ball cap on and a pair of blue Chuck Taylor's on my feet. I was back to looking like a boy and I felt a lot more comfortable that way, even though I was still wearing Jody's thong. I'd thought about taking it off, but I didn't really want to. I was gonna wear it all night and probably Jill-off in it later. 

I really wished Mom would have gone to work, except I hardly ever spent time with her and complaining about it seemed pretty dumb. I should have been happy to be with her, but I wanted to see Jody more. That was just one more thing to feel bad about, or at least confused, and I felt kinda lost. Jody, Angie, Josh, my mom and Mr. Evans, the thing with school…I felt like everybody was ganging up on me, you know?

It wasn't fair.

--------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Sam!" Josh smiled when he opened his front door and it was weird standing there with my mom. If it had just been me, I woulda walked into the house through the kitchen door without even knocking. Mom had been over before, of course, but just for stuff like Josh's birthday or whatever.

"Hi," I smiled back at him.

"Hi, Josh." Mom smiled too and I caught the look on Josh's face when he saw her. Mom was already taking off her coat.

"Hi, Monica." He kinda blinked and I frowned. I'd liked it better when he'd been like ten and pretty much ignored my mom completely.

"Where's your dad?" I wondered, shrugging out of my army coat.

"In the kitchen cleaning up," Josh said. "We just got done eating."

"Oh. I'll go say hi to him," Mom smiled and I was still frowning.

"Come on," Josh said jerked his head. "I got your homework stuff up in my room."

"Great," I rolled my eyes and forced myself to smile. "What good is getting kicked out of school if I still got homework?"

"Yeah! No doubt!" Josh grinned at me.

We still had a lot of time until the football game started. It was only like six o'clock or something and when we got upstairs I sorta flopped on Josh's bed. His room was a lot like mine, except he had a desk with a computer on it and a bunch of games that we played sometimes, but mostly we played with his Playstation downstairs. He had blue carpeting and blue curtains and blue blankets and it was all blue. Posters of guys like Ichiro and a cool poster of the earth, like a map except it was a satellite picture or something. It was mostly blue too, because of all the water.

"So you got naked today, huh?" I asked right away, being totally curious about it.

"Yeah," Josh sighed and he laid down on the bed too, both of us sideways on it and looking at the ceiling with our legs hanging off the edge. He had a whole bunch of glow-in-the-dark moons and stars and stuff up there, but you couldn't see them until the lights were off. They were pretty cool and they'd been there since we were like seven or something.

"Turn off the light," I said.

"Why?"

"Cause I wanna see the stars."

"You're weird."

"Hurry up!" I giggled and mostly I just didn't want Josh to look at me. Or I didn't want to look at him. I wasn't sure.

He made a big show of getting off the bed and crossing the room. Josh closed his door because the hallway light would ruin it, and turned off the ceiling light. There they were, glowing weakly, but once my eyes adjusted I knew they'd get brighter. There was a little light coming through the windows, but not much. The sun was already down and it was pretty quiet.

"Ouch! Watch out!" I jerked my arm out from under Josh as he fell on the bed.

"Sorry. It's dark."

"Yeah." I waited until he got comfortable beside me and we'd done this a million times. "What was it like?"

"Being naked? It wasn't like anything. It was just weird."

"Were you scared?"

"Hmmmm…Maybe. Just nervous. Nobody really laughed at me or whatever. It wasn't like that."

"What happened to Penny? Anything?"

"Penny? I don't know. She was okay, I guess."

"She's your partner, right? Did you guys like…Do stuff together?"

"No. It wasn't like that. She just picked me, but it wasn't like we were really partners for anything."

"Oh.

We were quiet for a few minutes. The whole house was really quiet. I wanted to ask Josh more about being naked, but I was shy about it. Like I couldn't ask him if his dick was hard all day or whatever, that woulda been weird. I didn't ask him if any of the girls tried to touch him, even though I wanted to know, just like I wanted to know if anybody tried to touch Penny. It would be like talking about sex, kinda, and Josh and me had talked about everything in the world, except that. 

"How come you didn't wanna do it?" Josh asked me.

"Why would I want to?"

"No. I mean, how come you didn't? Did you get in trouble?"

"Kinda," I shrugged. "My mom got mad, but she's okay now. I gotta do it next week."

"You do?"

"And they only suspended me for three days anyway. They changed it, so I have to go to school on Thursday."

"Thursday?" Josh sounded a little unhappy.

"Yeah," I giggled. "Why? What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Just…I didn't think you were gonna be there all week."

"So?"

"I don't know. I'm still gonna be naked and everything."

"Yeah. So? I seen you naked before."

"I know. It's just…weird. You're not like everybody else."

"What's that mean?"

"Nothing. I'm just saying, um…It's different."

"What's different?"

"Never mind."

"Whatever," I sighed.

"I gotta tell you something," Josh said about a minute later.

"Tell me what?"

"But, um…Don't get mad. Okay?"

"Why? Is it bad?"

"No. It's just about you kinda. So don't get mad, alright?"

"About me?" I sorta smiled in the dark, but mostly I was just curious. "What?"

"Promise?"

"Yeah. I promise. Just tell me already!"

"Okay, um…" Josh moved, rolling onto his side facing me as I lay on my back and I could barely see him. 

"What are you doing?" I giggled.

"Are you, um…Like, everybody says you only like girls," he swallowed hard. "Do you?"

"Who says that?" I frowned, even though I knew lots of kids at school thought I was a lesbian. I'd been teased before, but I didn't want to admit it. I'd never told Josh about some of the stuff the girls said, like that Emma and her senior friends calling me a dyke.

"Everybody."

"Mike and Todd?" I snorted. "They're not everybody."

"But do you?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"Just tell me."

"Why?"

"Because, ummm…"

Josh kissed me. Like he just did it. Josh kind of leaned closer and put his mouth on mine and kissed me. His hand was on my stomach and his left leg went over both of mine. He wanted a real kiss too. A tongue kiss, except I didn't think he knew how to do it, and for just a second I didn't do anything. I was frozen or something and I felt his tongue trying to get between my lips.

"Stop. Umph…No. Josh…" I turned my head and kind of pushed at him, but not really hard and he didn't stop.

His tongue was wiggling between my lips and touching my teeth. Josh's hand moved up to my chest, to my tits, and I grabbed his wrist when I felt him squeezing me there. I didn't want him to do that, but I didn't want to fight him. I didn't want to hurt him, even though I was a little scared, nervous and maybe mad. But not really mad either, just…I didn't know. Like disappointed? Maybe.

"Don't," I breathed after like ten seconds when he finally stopped. It hadn't lasted very long, not as long as it had seemed at the time.

"I love you," he told me and I pulled his hand away from my breast so that he was touching my tummy instead.

"Josh…" I sighed and maybe I'd kind of expected this. 

All I knew was that I didn't want to make it worse, you know? I was more scared of getting mad and making Josh mad at me, than I was of being kissed. I knew he liked me, especially after Friday night when he'd wanted to kiss me. I'd tried to ignore it and hope it didn't mean anything, like it was just something weird and he didn't feel that way all the time. Now I knew he did though.

"I'm sorry," he said, but I knew that was a lie. Josh wasn't moving. He was still sort of on top of me. His hand was on my tummy and the other one was touching my hair and he was looking down at me in the dark.

"You're gonna ruin it," I told him with a frown. "You can't be my boyfriend."

"Why?"

"Because. I don't know. I just wanna be friends."

"But I love you, Sam."

"I gotta go," I said quietly. "Get off me."

"Why can't I be your boyfriend?"

"I'm not mad," I told him. "Just get off me. Okay?"

"You like Penny, huh?"

"What?"

"That's why you don't like me," Josh was frowning, I could hear it in his voice, and I realized my eyes were closed. "You like her. You really like girls."

"I don't like her. Get up!" I opened my eyes.

"You're always talking about her. It's not fair. I knew you first."

"Josh! God! I don't like Penny, okay? I like you, but not…"

"You do?"

"…like my boyfriend. I don't want a boyfriend. I want it to be like it was before."

"Why? We can still be friends. I loved you for like a year already!"

"You did?"

"Everytime I see you, I just…I don't know. I want to kiss you. I can't help it. I want to do stuff with you."

"Do stuff? Like what?"

"Like everything, you know. I love you. Just try it, okay? You never tried, so just…Let me kiss you, okay?"

"We can't. I don't want to. Let me up, Josh."

"Please, Sam?"

"I just don't feel that way. I'm sorry, Josh. I just don't, alright?" 

I shook my head and pushed against him with my hands and this time Josh moved. He wasn't going to force me. He wasn't going to hurt me or anything, I knew that, and I wasn't ever afraid of him. I wasn't even mad at him; I only wished he didn't love me. He was right. It wasn't fair to him, or to me either, probably. Just like it wasn't gonna be fair to Angie that I loved Jody more than her. I couldn't help it and I knew what Josh was feeling. Like helpless, that's what being in love is like and being loved too. 

"Are you mad?" I asked Josh after I got off the bed and I was opening the door, blinking at the hallway light.

"I'm not mad at you," he said, but he sounded pretty sad.

"I just want to be your friend," I told him, leaning against the wall and he was sitting on the bed. "I wanna still be your best friend, okay? You're like my brother, you know?"

I felt like I was going to cry. He looked so lonely and his eyes were down. Josh looked like he was a little kid again and I hurt inside, but I didn't know what I was feeling. Love, probably, but not the kind he wanted. He wasn't saying anything either and that was making me mad, a little. I was telling him it was okay, that I'd forget everything and pretend it never happened, but he had to help me. I couldn't do it by myself.

"Just tell me," I said, blinking my eyes. "Are we still gonna be friends or what?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "We're still friends."

"You better be," I said, trying to smile. "Cause I'll beat you up if you're not."

"Right," he tried to smile too, but it was hard for both of us.

"I'm just gonna go home, okay?" I asked him, because if Josh wanted me to stay, I would have. But I figured he wanted to be by himself as much as I did.

"Okay," he nodded.

"Where's my mom anyway?" I wondered, looking into the hallway and the house was silent.

"With my dad, probably," Josh said and I looked at him. "You know," he shrugged. "They're probably doing it."

"What?" I blinked at him. 

"Yeah. You don't know about that?" Josh sorta smiled, but not like he was happy. "He said Monica told you, that's why he told me."

"Mom didn't tell me!" I said. "I caught them! I was mad about it because I thought you'd be mad."

"I don't know," Josh shrugged. "Dad just told me he really likes your mom."

"What about your mom?"

"He told me not to tell her," Josh said. "But I think she already knows anyway."

"What?" I closed my eyes for second, trying to figure all that out. "Why would your dad tell you anyway?"

"He thought you already told me," Josh laughed. "He said he wanted to explain. He asked me if I was mad or whatever."

"Were you?"

"Not really," Josh shrugged. "I figured if you didn't care it wasn't a big deal."

"What about your mom though?"

"She's just my step-mom," he said. "Dad said he still loves her and everything, it's just…Your mom's pretty awesome, you know?"

"You're crazy," I said and I was mad then. "She's still your mom! She loves you!"

"What? I know. I love her too," Josh sorta lifted his hands. "But what am I supposed to do about it? He's my dad."

"God!" I stared at him. "You're supposed to get mad!"

"Sorry," he shrugged and I left.

I didn't care where my mom was. It was like everybody was a liar! Josh already knew? How could he not care? That was crazy! He knew his step-mom loved him and his dad was hurting her. If I'd been Josh I woulda hit his dad right in the nose probably! I wouldn't just sit there and smile and shrug because my mom is so awesome or whatever. Like that's a good excuse? Probably Josh thought it was pretty cool his dad was having sex with my mom. Probably Josh wished he could do it too. He was crazy! They all were!

I wasn't even sure I wanted to be Josh's friend anymore. Not after that.

--------------------------------------------------------

Mom and Mr. Evans weren't at Josh's house. I hadn't really looked for them, but as soon as I got to my house, I knew. The doors were unlocked, all the lights were on, and there were clothes all the way down the hallway. My mom's shoes and sweater and then her skirt and then her bra…

I could hear them too. 

"Uh-huh! Yeah! Uh uhhhh huh!" Mom was moaning and the bed was squeaking.

So much for telling the man it was over. Yeah right! They figured me and Josh would be watching the football game until like ten o'clock or maybe eleven. They'd just snuck out for some quick sex and then they'd go back to Josh's house, smiling and pretending like nothing had happened. Maybe they were hoping Josh would kiss me, maybe even fuck me too, since we'd be all alone for a change. 

God!

And nobody cared but me. Was I abnormal or something? Was I the crazy one because I thought my mom fucking my best friend's married dad was a bad idea? Or was I mad about something else? I coulda been, but I didn't want to think about it. It was easier just being mad for the obvious reasons, I didn't want to go looking for other ones, you know? Like I had issues with my mom, I knew that. And I liked Josh's dad a lot. I mean, if I wanted a boyfriend? I always thought he'd be a good one. Except he was married, but nobody cared about that. So what? I was mad because he was my mom's boyfriend? 

That was stupid! And I said I didn't want to think about it anyway!

He wouldn't be a good boyfriend anyway. He was a liar and that made me feel better for some reason. If nobody else was going to care, I wasn't going to care! I wasn't going to listen to them all night either and I reached for the phone.

"Yeah?" a guy answered and at least I could hear him.

"Is Jody there?"

"Is that you, Samantha? It's me! Kurt!"

"Okay," I giggled. "Can I talk to Jody?"

"Yeah, hold on…" and then he was yelling, "Hey Jody! Your girlfriend's on the phone! The really hot one!"

I winced and jerked my head away.

"She's coming," Kurt said. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," I said. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Okay."

"Here she is…"

"Sam? Hey!" Jody giggled. "What's up?"

"Can I come over?"

"Yeah!"

"Cool. Um…Can you come get me?"

"Course I can! What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just gotta get out of my house for awhile."

"Okay. I'm coming."

"Okay. I'll wait outside."

"Cool! See ya in a little bit."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and went to my bedroom to grab some stuff.

        Chapter 10