My Strange Life - Chapter I

The weird thing about my mother

I've always liked gym class. I like getting hot and sweaty, and even feeling sore all over, but in a good way, you know? I think that's why Miss Squires and me are such good friends. Or at least as much friends as a fifteen year old high school sophomore can be with her gym teacher and cheerleading coach. She likes to make me feel like that too – Hot, sweaty, and especially sore!

That's why Miss Squires talked me into becoming a cheerleader. Not that I wasn't going to try out in the first place! I was born to be a cheerleader, I think, because I have long legs, a tight round butt and really firm boobs, even though they aren't really big yet. Miss Squires says they're the perfect size though and she doesn't much care for those "overdeveloped girls with udders instead of tits" to put it in her own words. But boys seem to like those kind of boobs, so I don't know for sure if Miss Squires really feels like that, or if she just likes to say the opposite of what a man might say. She's like that sometimes.

Miss Squires has small boobies too, which might explain a lot. They're just a little bigger than mine and so firm that she never wears a bra at all. So her nipples are almost always right there in your face, especially since they're really dark and she just wears a plain white t-shirt, but it's about two sizes too small and really tight, and tucked into her black nylon shorts. They're pretty tight too usually. Miss Squires can do that though because first of all she's the coach, and second of all she says she's 5'6" and 130lbs of hard female muscle. She says she can bench press 200lbs and I believe her, although I'm not sure what a bench press is exactly. She keeps a chart to keep track of how much weight she's lifted, starting a new one every year with a resolution to lift more.

But don't think Miss Squires is unattractive! She's very attractive, just not in the usual way you might imagine. She has a pretty face with high cheekbones and a narrow, tapering chin. Her nose is straight and strong, like on one of those old Greek statues, a classical profile you could call it. And her hair is auburn and silky fine, but styled and cut so it's short on the sides and sticks up straight on the top, but curling over like a wave sorta, and the effect isn't unpleasant at all. It comes back to a small curling ponytail that hangs just between her shoulder blades, usually tied with a little ribbon of leather studded with little spikes of silver, each barely bigger than the tip of a pencil.

Miss Squires even has a tattoo, a long string of barbed wire in black, with little drops of red on some of the barbs, like it was really pricking her skin, but you can't see it unless you know where to look. It starts in the soft hollow of her left thigh, just to the side of her pussy, and it curls up and around her clit, so that it looks like it goes right into one of her lips and inside her pussy. Then it comes out through the other pussy lip, finishing the loop around her clit before curling into the soft hollow of her other thigh. It is pretty amazing and I'm not sure why she wanted that, but it definitely fits her somehow. I like it a lot, but I want a little Power Puff Girl on my shoulder. My best friend Jenny thinks that's dumb though, she wants to get a little rose on her thigh. Miss Squires said I should wait until I'm older, until I'd experienced something that tattooed me on the inside, and then I would know how to express it on the outside.

She's really smart like that.

Miss Squires keeps her pussy shaved too and she makes me and Jenny and some of the other girls keep ours shaved as well, not that I have a lot of hair yet anyway. But it does feel nice and it looks nice too, at least I think so. Miss Squires' pussy is darker than mine, more red than pink and her lips are brown almost, especially when she gets excited. That's when they get fat and rubbery so that they hang down and spread a little bit. Sometimes I wish my pussy was like that, just because it would be so much fun to be able to play with those lips anytime I wanted. My labia are always small and trying to stay closed, even after I've had them split by something really big and thick, they just close right back up again and don't hang down hardly at all. Miss Squires said she loves the way my pussy does that, so sometimes I just think God got our pussies mixed up when he was handing them out.

Every now and again Miss Squires competes in those female bodybuilding contests. She has a bunch of trophies and medals and certificates in her office. Sometimes before a contest she'll have a little 'Posing Party' after school for a few of us girls, and she'll turn up the music real loud and come out in her thong bikini and do her routine so we can see it and tell her if something looks wrong.

One time Miss Squires had a Posing Party for just me, Jenny Hart, and Miss Holsum, the school nurse, who is also Miss Squires' best friend and roommate. She didn't wear a thong bikini that time, and me and Jenny got to oil her up before she started posing. In fact we had so much fun oiling up Miss Squires that Miss Holsum wanted us to oil her up too! So we did. And then they oiled me up and then we all did Jenny just for giggles. It was a lot of fun and we all posed and pretended we were bodybuilders like Miss Squires.

But I'll tell that story some other time. Right now I want to think about the time I got invited to go to cheerleader camp. This was last autumn, about a month before cheerleading tryouts for sophomores. Since freshman can't be cheerleaders, I'd been waiting a whole year for this. Miss Squires came by my locker at the end of gym class to talk to me. It was still warm outside, we were having a real Indian summer, and we'd been playing Lacrosse for an hour, so all I wanted was a nice hot shower. I was just starting to undress when Miss Squires came by and sat down on the wooden bench right behind me.

I wasn't nervous because Miss Squires was always real nice to me, but I did wonder what she was doing. I stopped undressing and looked at her and said, "Yes Mistress?"

Miss Squires chuckled and looked around, but the only other person nearby was Gloria Perkins who's so fat she was sitting on the floor trying to get her socks off, but her hands wouldn't reach her toes. She was always asking for help, but mostly we ignored her. Like who wanted to touch Gloria's stinky socks? Ugh!

"You only have to call me that after school, Amy. Not in school, okay?" Miss Squires reminded me and I nodded and felt my face turning red because I'd forgotten. Sometimes I think that just being close to Miss Squires makes me forget lots of stuff, but I can't remember what.

I started undressing again, because I really wanted a shower and the bell was going to ring in about ten minutes. Miss Squires watched me kick off my shoes and take off my socks, and then my shorts and t-shirt. She told me to turn around and I did, so that I faced away from her.

"Take off your panties without bending your knees," she said. "I want to see how…uh…limber you are."

"Yes Mis, uh…Ma'am," I replied and bent over slowly at the waist, feeling her eyes on my pert round butt as I did what she wanted.

I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my pink panties and dragged them down my legs, as I bent at the waist. I kind of enjoyed that little clinging sensation when the part that was wedged sorta deep in my butt crack stuck for a second. Probably Miss Squires thought I was wearing a thong, but then my panties came loose, exposing my puckered rosebud and then my slitty sex to Miss Squires' gaze.

"Wider," she whispered and I complied, spreading my legs slightly and continuing with my slow reach for my toes.

As my hands pushed my panties below my knees I peeked at Miss Squires between my legs, seeing her eyes focused a little farther up. I felt a little shiver and my butthole clenched a little tighter and Miss Squires laughed at me when she caught me looking at her.

"You bad girl! Get those panties off. I need to talk to you."

"Yes ma'am," I said, pushing them all the way down before I straightened back up, and stepping out of them as they lay in a pink satin puddle on the floor.

"Lose the bra too, Amy," she told me and I twisted my sports bra off, over my head and dropped it on top of my underwear.

"That's more like it." Miss Squires looked me up and down. I was sweaty and naked and a little dizzy from having been bent over for too long. "You're going out for the JV Cheerleading squad this year, right?"

I told her I was, yeah.

"Well, I'd love…" she rubbed the inside of my left thigh lightly with her fingertips, "…to see you make the squad, Amy, but I have to be fair. There's twenty-two girls competing for six spots and that isn't very many."

"Oh." I frowned at that news.

"Being the coach, I have to pick the best girls for the team, not my personal favorite people." Miss Squires reached up and flicked my left nipple casually. "Now, I know you've got potential, but you need practice. You need some coaching to build your confidence and give you the edge during tryouts."

"I do?"

"Uh-huh. That's why I'm starting a little cheerleader camp and inviting only those girls I really want to see make the squad, but worry that they won't." She stood up and her hand touched my cheek. "Girls like you, Amy."

I didn't know what to say. Finding out that I might not make the junior varsity cheerleading squad was like finding out that Christmas might be cancelled. I thought it was a sure thing!

"I'll do it!" I said, without a moment's hesitation.

"Good!" Miss Squires smiled at me. "I knew you would. Miss Holsum will be helping me and I know she's going to be so happy when I tell her you'll be there with us!"

Miss Squires went on to explain all the details and the one hitch in the entire plan would be getting my parents to give their consent. It was going to a four day long camp and I'd miss school on two of those days. My parents were kind of big on school, you know? This wasn't going to be easy.

The bell rang and I was still standing there, naked and hot and sweaty.

"You'd better get dressed, Amy. You only have five minutes to get to your next class!" Miss Squires laughed and slapped my butt playfully and we both knew I was going to be dirty all day long.

"Yes ma'am," I nodded as she picked up my panties off the floor, damp from an hour of hard exercise, and held them to her nose, inhaling deeply.

"Don't worry. You smell fine, Amy," Miss Squires said. "I'll hold onto these for you."

I sighed as she walked off, leaving me nothing to wear under my skirt but happy thoughts as I dressed quickly as I could. I lost more underwear in gym class that way and I'd spend most of the afternoon trying to think of a good excuse for when my mother asked me where my undies were.

=-=-=

I spent the next week trying to convince my parents to let me go to cheerleader camp. Daddy said it was okay, if it made me happy, and if I could make up the two lost days by getting my reading and homework assignments ahead of time and doing them at cheerleading camp. But my mother absolutely refused. She told me that missing school just so I could dance around in front of a bunch of people in my panties wasn't her idea of a good education.

Especially when she found out Miss Squires was the one who would be running it.

"That woman is a bad influence!" she'd say at the dinner table. "I don't know why the school hired her in the first place! She looks like a man and what kind of example is that for the girls?"

Daddy would nod and roll his eyes at me when mother wasn't looking and I'd stifle a giggle or hide it behind a swallow of milk.

"What kind of example is she for our little Amy?" my mother would demand, staring at Daddy until he answered.

"Well, she's certainly, uh…healthy," Daddy would say. "Kind of strict too, from what I understand."

"Yeah, Daddy. Miss Squires is real strict sometimes," I said, thinking about the time she'd given my bare bottom ten good strokes with her paddle for running in the locker room. "But she can be nice too, I like her."

And then I was remembering how afterwards she'd rubbed my sore butt all over with lotion until it didn't hurt anymore. Miss Squires had put me over her thighs and squeezed my cheeks with both hands, kneading my tender bottom with her strong fingers. That had felt amazingly good, even when she'd pushed her long middle finger inside my butt. I tingled in my seat thinking about that and I took a big drink of milk.

"I've known that woman since I went to Virgin Mary's and she was never nice!" my mother said and I was a little shocked to hear that. I hadn't known that she and Miss Squires had gone to school together.

"You went to school with Miss Squires?" I asked. "I didn't know she was that old!"

Daddy laughed but choked it off when he saw my mother turn around. She looked kind of mad.

"I mean, not old…Just, uh, older. I guess," I offered with my best apologetic smile.

I really didn't mean it the way it sounded. My mother is only thirty-one and I'd been born while she was still going to Virgin Mary's. She and Daddy didn't get married until I was almost four, when mother graduated a year behind. I know Daddy isn't my real father, physically I mean. It was somebody else's sperm that made me, but mother never told me who. As far as I know she never told anybody who my sperm father is. Sometimes that bothers me, but not very much, because I love my Daddy more than anybody else in the whole world, even my mother sometimes, and I know he loves me too.

"Brenda was a freshman the year I graduated," my mother said.

I did the math in my head and figured that would make Miss Squires about… I frowned because numbers get a little mixed up sometimes if I don't have some paper to write them on.

"She's 26 now, or maybe 27, but it doesn't matter," Mother continued. "The point is that Brenda Squires isn't a woman I want teaching my daughter anything and I don't want you spending too much time with her. The next time the PTA gets together I'm going to have some things to say, you can bet the farm on that!"

When mother said that, I knew the conversation was over. Daddy just shrugged and squeezed my thigh under the table. I knew he wanted to fight for me, but there are some fights you just can't win and we'd both been around my mother long enough to know that. I didn't blame him for not trying harder. I rubbed his hand a little bit on top of my thigh so he'd know it was okay.

Later that night, when Daddy came into my room to tuck me in like he always does, I asked him about my mother and Miss Squires.

"Well honey, I don't really know. I went to school over in Silverdale and didn't really know anybody from Virgin Mary's, except your mother." He was sitting on my bed and stroking my hair. "She was so pretty then, almost as pretty as you."

He smiled and rubbed a finger down my nose, tickling me so I laughed. "She's still pretty, Daddy. Everybody says so!"

And they did say that too. My mother looked more like my big sister than my mom. Her hair was more strawberry blonde than mine though, and cut shorter, but her heart shaped face and blue eyes, even her lips that kind of pouted all the time, were all reflected in me. She hadn't put on any weight either, not like a lot of moms I knew. Maybe having a little baby like me when she was just sixteen helped, because I bet mother only weighed about 100lbs soaking wet.

She was really narrow in the hips, almost boyish, but her boobs were big and firm, like I wanted mine to be. I tried her bra on once, when she was out to the grocery store, and those 36C cups seemed huge compared to my little tits. I had to stuff half a roll of toilet paper in there to make it look right! And her butt? Well, I've seen guys walk into parked cars at the mall when my mother wears her real short shorts. Her butt is every bit as firm and pert as mine, and I'm half her age!

"Oh yeah," Daddy had to agree with a smile. "Jessica is still a beautiful woman." Then he leaned down close and put his hand on my tummy, giving me a little kiss on the cheek. "But not as pretty as you're going to be, Amy."

I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him close, he smelled so good with just a lingering hint of the aftershave he used in the mornings, and the natural manly Daddy smell from working all day in his office.

"Give me a movie kiss, Daddy," I whispered.

That was a little joke that started a when I was little and I'd seen how people kissed in movies and on TV, those long, long kisses that I hadn't understood then. We didn't do it very often, but I felt like I needed one right then.

"Amy," he laughed at me. "I told you girls and their daddy's don't get to kiss like they do on the TV."

I was still hugging him, refusing to let go. "But we did it before!" I protested.

"That was before. Now you're…" he stopped and rubbed my tummy a little more through the blanket while he thought about it. "You're a big girl now, getting all grown up."

"Please Daddy? Just one?" This had become part of the 'Movie Kiss Game' too, his reluctance and my eagerness. It was a pretty fun game and sometimes it took a long time to finish, but tonight Daddy gave in quickly.

"Okay, okay. Just one though!" he smiled down at me. "You're just like your mother!"

And then he was kissing me, but softly at first. The tip of his tongue just barely touched my lips, then a bit more, running between them, slipping a little further inside as they parted slowly. Daddy's hand on my tummy was moving higher, moving gently over my hidden breasts and back down, between my legs as I spread them under the cool sheets. His tongue entered my mouth and rubbed across my teeth and over my gums while I wriggled my own against it.

I was moaning into his mouth and we kissed like that for a long time, our faces angled against each other, our mouths open and hot with our wet probing tongues. Sometimes we played in my mouth, sometimes in his, and all the while Daddy's hands would touch and squeeze and rub my covered body in all the right places until I was almost bouncing on the bed beneath him. Then he'd slowly pull his mouth away, sometimes sucking my bottom lip while I lifted my head until he let go, and then I'd sink back to my pillow, sighing softly.

"You're getting to be a good kisser, Amy," Daddy smiled and licked his lips.

"I want to be the best kisser in the whole world, Daddy!" I'd say and we'd both laugh and he'd stroke my hair one last time before leaving and closing the door. "Someday," I whispered to myself, "Daddy isn't going to leave."

And that thought brought me a rush of heat so good that I shivered all over. I pushed my stuffed bear between my thighs and squeezed and rocked and rolled until I thought I'd wet the bed, I was so creamy.

"Someday…Soon…" I promised, listening to my mother moaning as their bed creaked and banged against the thin wall that separated our bedrooms. I fell asleep hoping that Daddy was thinking about me when he was cumming.

-=-=-

The next day I had the almost unbearable task of telling Miss Squires that my mother refused to let me attend the cheerleading camp. I put it off until the very end of gym class. I'd finished showering and dressing and I lingered outside her office, knowing I had to do it before the bell rang, but not wanting to. Finally I knocked and went inside when she told me to enter, looking down at the floor and shuffling my feet a little.

Miss Squires knew something was wrong right away and she told me to sit down on the hard plastic chair in front of her big wooden desk. I did and looked around nervously, not wanting to look at her and not knowing exactly how to start. Miss Squires' office was big and filled with stuff she'd collected from her bodybuilding. There was a little trophy case that was full of gold and silver statues, mostly shaped like naked women holding wreaths or torches over their heads.

She had some plaques and certificates on her wall, like her college diploma in Physical Education and another one that said she was a Massage Therapist, whatever that meant. And she had pictures of herself and other women posing for the camera in flesh colored bikinis. Their bodies were tanned and glistening with oil as they flexed, showing off muscles that I never even knew existed. I always felt intimidated looking at those pictures, but I didn't know why. I knew I didn't want to look like those women when I grew up, but still…I did like looking at them and feeling the little knot in my belly.

"What is it, Amy?" Miss Squires sat there, writing something on her clipboard.

She was wearing her too tight t-shirt and I could see her nipples plain as day. She looked up suddenly and I jerked my eyes someplace else, feeling a little rush of embarrassment. Miss Squires put her clipboard down and leaned back in her chair, lacing her fingers behind her head and stretching her t-shirt even more. I saw the muscles in her arms seeming to swell a little and I bit my lip.

"Is it about cheerleading camp?" she asked.

I nodded and let it all come out in a rush. How my mother wouldn't let me go and that she thought Miss Squires was a bad influence. How my mother had known Miss Squires before, in school, and said she wasn't very nice. I told her that my mother had said she was going to talk to the PTA about Miss Squires and I felt really bad because I didn't understand any of it!

Miss Squires listened to me and then asked me who my mother was, since they'd never met before. I told her my mom was Jessica Welch and Miss Squires thought about it for a minute.

"Jessica…Jessica…" Then she looked at me, almost as if seeing me for the very first time and she smiled. "Jessica Tate?"

I said I guessed so, since my mother's daddy was my Grandpa Tate. I told Miss Squires the story, since she remembered my mother from before. I think I was hoping Miss Squires would be able to explain things a little.

Grandma Tate had run off with the circus when my mother got pregnant, at least that's what Grandpa Tate had told me. Mother never talked about it and Daddy never would either. I think the whole thing was a very sensitive issue because my mother never hardly ever talked about her parents or what it was like growing up. In fact, I only remember seeing Grandpa Tate once in my whole life, and that was when I was about nine. He'd just knocked on our door one day and I remember Grandpa Tate had wanted me to sit with him in his rocking chair, but mother wouldn't let me.

She made me sit with her, all the way on the other side of the porch. I asked Grandpa Tate were Grandma Tate was and he laughed and said, "She joined the circus, honey. Run off and joined the circus." But my mother didn't think it was funny at all and she told Grandpa Tate she never wanted to see him again in her whole life and if he tried to see us again, she was going to tell the police. I felt bad for Grandpa Tate and I could tell he felt bad too when he left our front porch and never came back.

When I finished telling that story, Miss Squires just shook her head and got up so she could get close to me, pulling me to her stomach as I sat there and hugging me tightly. It did feel good all of a sudden, being hugged, and I hugged her back.

"Oh baby, don't you worry about none of that. That's all over with and you don't need to be worrying," Miss Squires said. "You're mom's just got a lot on her conscience, she always has, and sometimes it won't let her think right."

She hugged me some more, not like she does sometimes, when I get all warm and sparkly inside, but softer, more gently and I knew she really cared about me.

Miss Squires wrote a little note and put it in a school envelope, writing 'Jessie' on the front and licking the flap so it would stay closed. "Just give this to your mom and make sure she reads it."

"Okay," I nodded seriously and took it from her, tucking it safely into my book bag.

"I think I can persuade her to let you go. Don't you worry, Amy. Now off you go, you're already late for your next class." She slapped my butt and sent me on my way.

I was so happy about what Miss Squires had said that I could barely wait to get home and give my mother the letter. I didn't know what it said and I was sorely tempted to take a peek and find out, but I didn't want to take the chance of ruining whatever plans Miss Squires had for getting my mother to agree.

When I got home, Daddy was still at work and my mother was in the backyard, working on her rosebushes. She spends a lot of time back there alone and sometimes I wonder why she doesn't do things with her friends more often. Most everybody's mom that I know is either working or spending all their time raising babies, but of course my mother doesn't work and she only had me for a baby. So I guess she doesn't have a whole lot to do during the day, except take care of her garden. The whole thing seemed kind of sad and lonely, especially since I'd been thinking so much about her and Grandpa Tate that day.

Mother looked up when I came through the gate and gave me a little smile. That was a good sign, I thought, at least she wasn't still mad at me for saying she was old without meaning to. My mother was always my mother, but never really my friend, if that makes sense. Sometimes I thought she resented me a little and I thought it was because she'd been so young when I'd been born. I wondered how different she'd be if I hadn't been, if she hadn't missed a year of school because of me, and if Grandma Tate hadn't run off to join the circus. I'd be somebody else too then, not me at all. That thought always made me a little dizzy, like I was trying to understand the mind of God, and I knew that had to be a sin. So I tried not to think about it too much.

I walked over and gave my mother a little hug and she didn't hug me back because she had her gardening gloves on and they were all dirty, but she smiled and asked about my day. I told her it was fine and then I said I had something for her and pulled the envelope out of my book bag and held it up.

"What's that?" she asked, taking off her gloves and putting them in her little gardening basket. "You're not in trouble, are you?"

My mother looked at me sharply, like she almost always did when I brought home something unexpected from school, as though she was always waiting for some bad news.

"Uh-huh! I'm not in any trouble!" I shook my head and extended the envelope out so she could take it from my fingers. "It's a note from Miss Squires."

As soon as I said that my mother let that envelope go like it was on fire, but she picked it up again right away, almost catching it before it even hit the ground, I think. She looked at her name 'Jessie' written in Miss Squires' neat cursive and kind of flipped it back and forth for a minute.

"You, uh…You go on in the house and get cleaned up. I'm making some, some…pot roast for dinner," she sounded like she'd almost forgotten about it. "Set the oven to 375, okay?"

I got up, wishing she'd read it while I was there with her and knowing she wouldn't.

"And make sure the oven's empty," my mother said. "Take the cookie sheets out."

"Mother!" I sighed and went into the kitchen to do as I was told. I'd almost melted a cookie sheet once, almost two years ago, and she never let me forget it.

-=-=-

Mother never did tell me what was in that note. In fact, it was like there'd never been any note at all. It just disappeared and when I started to mention it to Daddy, my mother shushed me up good about talking gossip at the dinner table. I didn't think it was gossip at all though, since there was a note and we were all family, and it was about me going to cheerleader camp anyway, but Daddy gave me a warning squeeze on my thigh and said it wasn't any of our business. And my mother seemed like she was far away. She'd even burned the roast a little, and she never did that before.

I found that note a few months later, by accident. I wasn't trying to find anything at all really, just looking through some of the cookbooks in the kitchen. I was baking brownies and waiting for the little timer on the stove to buzz, and just looking through the cookbooks, wishing I could make some of that stuff, when the note from Miss Squires fell out. It was still folded up and in its envelope, but I could tell it had been opened a whole bunch of times. The creases were worn and frayed a little, the way they get when you fold and unfold paper over and over again. I knew I shouldn't read it, and the whole episode was long over and done with, but I was curious to find out what Miss Squires had said to my mother in that first little letter.

"Dear Jessie, I've missed you! I had no idea Amy was your daughter, although now I wonder how I could have missed it! Don't be mad at me. What happened wasn't our fault and there's nothing to be ashamed of. Please Jessie, meet me in my office at 7pm tomorrow night, we need to talk. I've missed you so much and I know I should have looked for you sooner. Let me try and make it up to you, Jessie.

Love, Brenda"

The letter made a lot of sense, knowing what I knew when I found it. But if I'd read it the day Miss Squires had given to me, I would have only been confused. It gave me a new appreciation of the confusion my mother must have been feeling. I wondered if Daddy had ever suspected any of it and decided he had. My Daddy is pretty smart and he knows my mother too well to be fooled by anything very long. One of the reasons I love him so much is because he might know something that makes him mad, but he's more concerned with understanding why than just throwing a fit like some people do. That's a big difference. Knowing and understanding, I mean.

Now I got a little off track, but maybe not so much. Back to that indian summer…The next morning my mother told me to tell Miss Squires that she would be there, without telling me anything about where and when that was. Of course, I hadn't been baking brownies yet and so I hadn't found that note yet, so I supposed Miss Squires would know what she meant. I thought about bringing up cheerleading camp, but sensed that whatever had been in the note hadn't persuaded my mother to change her mind quite yet.

As soon as gym class was over, before I even undressed for my shower, I went right up to Miss Squires to tell her what my mother had said. She was standing next to the blackboard where she listed who was supposed to do what during the week. All of us girls had to take turns straightening the locker room, like collecting dirty towels and stuff and putting them in the big laundry bins, and getting the fresh towels out of the plastic they were delivered in and stacking them on the shelves. Things like that.

"Excuse me, Mistreeehhh, Miss Squires, I mean." I just couldn't remember not to call her Mistress during class. I bit my tongue and waited patiently until she looked at me. "My mother said she be there." I didn't have anything else to say really and Miss Squires just nodded.

"I thought she would." Then she turned her head and yelled for Jenny, who was just coming out of the shower and still drying herself. But Jen was just as eager to please Miss Squires as I ever was, believe me, and she hurried over in a hurry.

Jenny didn't bother covering herself up at all, she just smiled and said, "Hi Amy." And then remembered that Miss Squires was there and lowered her eyes. "Yes Mistress?"

I giggled and Miss Squires gave me a little frown.

"You two!" Miss Squires shook her head, "Like pees in a pod."

She reached down and stroked her fingertips across the short stubble of dark hair growing just above my best friend's sex and then gave Jenny's clit a little pinch, making her wince.

"Pees in a pod," Miss Squires repeated. "Jenny, I want you here tonight at 6:30 sharp. I have a special job for you. Okay?"

"Yes Mis...Miss Squires," Jenny caught herself and nodded rapidly.

"And shave that little bush of yours too." Miss Squires turned back to the blackboard, picking up the eraser, and then glanced at us. "That's all, ladies. Get going now."

We left together, going back to our lockers, which were right across from each other.

"Why does she want you to come tonight?" I asked Jenny in a low voice. I'd started taking off my gym clothes while Jenny finished drying her hair.

"I don't know. Maybe she wants me to watch her pose or something." Jenny looked at my freshly shaved pussy. "Can I borrow your razor?"

"I don't have any cream though," I said as I handed her my little pink shaver. "So why didn't she tell me to come too?" I asked, feeling a little pang of…

"Jealous?" Jenny laughed and spread some baby oil over the little bit of hair growing around her sex and started shaving herself.

"No!" I said, watching as Jen spread her legs and sorta tugged at her pussy with her left hand to get the skin tight. "Does that work?"

"Baby oil? Yeah, kind of but not really, it doesn't hurt anyway." It didn't take Jenny long to finish and I was glad because I needed a shower, but I liked watching her too. "Thanks." She handed back my razor and it was full of her dark little hairs, stuck in between the shining blade and the plastic. But I didn't care. "Wanna go to the mall on Saturday?"

I put my razor away and nodded my head, "Yeah, okay….Just call me tonight."

"Okay. If I'm not all tied up or something!" Jenny laughed and I thought about the time Miss Squires and Miss Holsum had tied both Jenny and me up and I felt a little warm all over, but mostly I felt jealous. Why would Miss Squires tell Jenny to come and not me?

A little interlude about Jenny =====>

Jenny is my very best friend in the whole world and has been ever since we were in the 6th Grade together at Our Lady of Lourdes. We were like sisters almost, sometimes, and other times we hardly even talked. But not because we were mad at each other or anything, just that we didn't have to. Neither of us had one of those clingy kind of personalities, I don't think. We just did our own things and were happy that we had one another for a special best friend when we needed one.

We don't look like sisters though. Jenny is fifteen too, but shorter and more petite. Except for her boobs. She was an early bloomer and already had to wear a training bra in 5th grade, by the 6th grade she had the biggest tits in school and was wearing a regular bra. I was a little jealous, but Jenny wasn't really happy either because she felt like everyone was staring at her all the time. And they were! I guess it wasn't easy being the only girl in school with big boobs, but now I could sympathize as I showered and washed my own seemingly flat chest. I felt like the only girl in school with no boobs.

Anyway, Jenny is really pretty in a strange sort of way, with her mostly straight black hair. It's long and she likes to curl it at the ends so she looks like a gypsy, and her eyes are dark, like charcoal almost and kind of almond shaped, as though she were from someplace in the orient. She has really light skin too, like she was dipped in milk and it never washed off, and the contrast is a little startling sometimes, especially to people who see her for the very first time. Where I have a kind of an innocent girl-next-door beauty, as Daddy likes to tell me, Jenny is like the kind of exotic beauty that you'd never expect to find except in a magazine or on the TV. Like I said before, I really am just about the prettiest girl in school, but not quite. Not when Jenny is around.

But that's alright too. She's my best friend and I love the way she looks. I wouldn't change her for anything. The other thing about Jenny is that she doesn't like boys. She never has and she says she never will. That's how we became friends in the first place. On Valentine's Day that year, I remember getting the cheap store bought Valentine cards and little bits of candy from all my classmates, but in my desk, when I lifted the top after lunch, I found a bigger one. It was a really nice card and looked expensive, and it smelled like lilacs, with white lace around a soft red velvet heart.

On the inside it said, "Dear Amy, I love you with all my heart, and I hope someday you'll love me too. I want to spend every minute with you and be more than just best friends can ever be. Love forever, Jenny XOXXXOX"

That was pretty good writing for a twelve year old, I thought, but mostly I was thinking my best friend Jenny had a crush on me!

As soon as I read it I thought about all the times she'd touched me, for no other reason than to do it. How she'd sit close to me on the bus or on the bleachers at school, so that our legs were touching when there was plenty of room not to. How Jenny wrote my name in her notebooks and gave me little presents, like the blue ribbon for my hair that I was wearing. I remembered how she'd kissed me once, when we were playing around and wrestling on the floor in her bedroom and she ended up on top of me and just kissed me on the lips. Then she'd laughed like it was a joke and gotten up. I started remembering and it seemed like every little thing took on some new and wonderful significance.

After school that day she ran up to me in the line waiting for our school bus and said, "Hi!" like everything was the same.

That's how Jenny deals with stuff, she doesn't worry, she just does it and trusts that some great and good force in the universe will make it all okay. And the weird part is that it seems to work. I wasn't mad at her at all. I wasn't ashamed or scared or even confused. I felt crystal clear that Jenny loved me and I loved her too, so it was okay.

I said, "Hi!" back to her and Jenny grabbed my hand and said we should walk home, and so we did. A long, slow walk over fields with little clumps of snow here and there, but we weren't cold. We just talked all the way back to her house, which was a couple blocks closer than mine. And when we went inside, so Jenny could make hot chocolate and I could call my mother and ask if I could spend the night at Jenny's, it was warm and felt like we were inside a big Valentine heart, all lace and velvet and smelling of lilacs.

When we kissed the first time, which was actually the second time, but you know what I mean…When we kissed it was so soft I thought I was imagining it, like sharing a secret whispered in moonlight. Her lips were the first I'd ever tasted and I never wanted to stop. When we dared touch our tongues together, I thought I'd left this world and gone to heaven. When I felt her…

Well, I won't say anymore because I could talk about Jenny and our first time all year long. I'm sure I'll be talking about her enough as time goes by anyway. She's a part of me and always there, in everything that happens it seems. I need to finish one story before I start another.

Back to my story =====>

I couldn't help but wonder what Miss Squires had wanted Jenny for that night. She wasn't just my best friend, she was my girlfriend too, even though I'd do stuff with other people. And she'd found out that Julie Evans, who was like her 3rd cousin on her mother's side, was like Jenny because she only liked girls and she was seventeen already, so Jenny spent most of that summer with Julie talking about not liking boys and all that stuff. But all the same, Jenny and I were close and still spent a lot of time together.

When Miss Squires had started teaching at the Virgin Mary's, she seemed to know right away that Jenny and I were more than just best friends. I don't know how she could tell. I mean, we didn't really try to hide it, but we never did anything around school either. Except maybe hold hands sometimes, or make eyes at each other during Wednesday Mass, but that was mostly because we were bored and wanted to make each other giggle and get in trouble with the Sisters.

Back when I was a freshman, Miss Squires called me into her office one day, just a week or so after classes had started, and told me that she knew I'd been having sex with Jenny. I tried to deny it at first, but she told me that Jenny had told her everything. She told me that I deserved a spanking for lying to her about something so serious and that was the first time she'd bared my bottom and punished me.

I found myself enjoying it, not because it hurt so much, but because she made me feel so good while she was doing it. My body burned inside and out as she swatted me with her paddle, bent over her knees and begging for more. Miss Squires wouldn't stop until I'd convinced her that it wasn't a punishment anymore, but a reward, and somehow I found myself believing that was true. She let me cum on her fingers as she slapped my ass harder and harder and when I'd finally convinced her that I was enjoying it too much, she stopped and that made it even worse somehow.

I went down on my knees for her then, all by myself. Miss Squires didn't have to tell me or anything, she didn't force me, I just knew that after getting a good spanking like that, I had to say thank you. So I got on my knees in her office, pulled down Miss Squires' shorts and then her sweaty panties, and I sucked her clit and fingered her moist hole while she explained her rules and made me her 'little pussy slave'. When she came for me, flooding my mouth with hot, tangy girl goo, it made me cum too, just knowing I'd pleased her so much.

Later on I spoke with Jenny and asked her why she'd told our teacher about us. But she swore that Miss Squires had told her that I'd been the one telling Miss Squires all our secrets. Jen told me that Miss Squires had punished Jenny and made her cum while she was doing it, that Jenny had promised to call her Mistress when they were alone, and serve Miss Squires any way that she wanted. It was like totally déjà vu when she told me that and I giggled as I told Jenny my same story.

Jenny and I hugged and called each other "Little Pussy Slaves" until we were naked in my bed and much too busy for talking. But after that it was never really the same for us, because Jenny is a real lesbian deep down in her heart, like Miss Squires is, and I'm not. I'm only bisexual at the most and I enjoy being with boys just as much as with girls. So it was only natural that Jenny would gradually be pulled a little closer to Miss Squires than me, like she'd been with Julie during summer vacation. There had to be a deeper meaning between them, you know? It bothered me, but only a little, mostly I was just so happy all the time, for all of us.

Still, I did want to know what was going on! If curiosity really killed the cat, well, that's why God gave it nine lives, right? Daddy was still at work when my mother told me that she was going to visit a sick friend that night and I knew it was my chance to sneak out and do a little friendly spying. I told Mother I was going to meet some friends at the library and asked her if she could drop me off. The library is only about three blocks from school and I knew she wouldn't say no, she just asked how I was getting home and I told her I could catch a ride with a friend.

She had made a casserole for Daddy and me, but since I was going out too, my mother told me to write a note for him and he could eat that, or order pizza or something. She was acting a little weird and usually making sure we all sat down as a family for dinner was a big deal for her. I just figured she must have been really worried about her friend.

My mother really dressed nice for just going to visit someone in the hospital though. She wore her tight red skirt that isn't quite a mini, but does come up to just above the knee and has a slit up the side so I could see the tops of her black stockings. They were her good pair too, the kind that need a garter belt to hold them up and have lace roses all along the seam in the backs, and around the tops. She wore a black silk blouse that I thought was brand new, but I wasn't sure, and she'd combed her hair straight back and pinned it in a tight round knot so that it looked dark, not very blonde at all.

And her face was made up with eyeliner and blush and lipstick to match her fingernails, which matched exactly the color of her skirt. When my mother walked into the dining room, with her three inch stiletto heels click-clicking on the hardwood floor, she looked amazing. I don't think I'd ever seen her look so sexy. I mean, my mother looked pretty good whatever she was wearing, but this outfit was seriously hot. If I hadn't known better, I would have thought she was going out on a date or something.

"Wow! You look great!" I said, mostly because I couldn't help it. Mother was getting her wallet and keys and compact and stuff from her purse and putting it into a little red clutch.

"Thank you, Amy," she replied without looking at me. I'm not sure, but I think maybe she was a little embarrassed with how she looked.

"That must be some friend," I added, finding something new to be curious about.

I was almost forgetting about my interest in finding out what Jenny was up to, thinking maybe I should spy on my mother instead. What if she really was cheating on Daddy with another man? Just the thought kind of burned me up a little inside and I tried to push it out of my little brain.

"Just an old…uh, girlfriend…I haven't seen her in a long time. That's all," she shrugged and looked at me. "Did you leave your father a note?"

"Yep." I pointed to it and we left the house about twenty minutes before seven. I was hoping I wouldn't miss anything, since Miss Squires had told Jenny to be there at 6:30, but I figured whatever was going on would still be going on by the time I arrived.

We rode in silence and as soon as my mother dropped me off in front of the library and drove away from the curb, I was headed the other way, cutting through a couple alleys towards the school. It was only a few blocks and I wasn't even breathing hard when I checked the gymnasium door and found it open. It was quiet and dark inside as I made my way slowly to the stairs and down to the hallway where the locker rooms are. I passed the boys' locker room, unable to resist the urge to push the door open and peek inside, but it was pitch black. I'd been in that locker room a couple times before and I stifled a giggle at the memories. I had business to attend to.

I pushed open the girls' locker room door and blinked at the bright lights. Somebody was definitely home here, I thought, and I crept carefully inside and around the rows of lockers trying to hear if anyone was there. I came to the last row, just peering around it with my head and I could see the door to Miss Squires' office was open and her lights were on too. As I moved a little farther I could see her sitting at her desk, looking down and writing something on her clipboard it looked like, but there was no sign of Jenny.

The last row has lockers on both the left and right sides, but the right side is where the coach's office is and there's a big gap between locker #127 and #128 for the doorway. The lockers are pretty big, not really wide, but tall and deep, about six feet by three feet maybe. They were big enough that one of the favorite school pranks was to stuff a girl in one and close the door. It happened to me once, just like it happens to every new freshman at one time or another. Except Gloria, since she wasn't ever gonna fit in a locker.

Of course the joke was that you weren't really trapped at all. You could open it from the inside by grabbing the little metal rod and pulling up on it, but nobody knows that until it happens. The lockers also have narrow little vents cut into them, just about at eye level for me and this gave me a great idea. The 6th locker from the end had a pretty good view of the office and I knew it was empty. The girl who'd had it transferred right after school started and nobody else had taken it. If I could get inside it and close the door, I could see everything that went on in Miss Squires' office without her even suspecting I was there.

Of course Miss Squires had a great view of that particular locker too and she was sure to notice me getting into it. I glanced up at the big wall clock above Miss Squires' desk and it was almost ten after seven. It looked like whatever she'd wanted Jenny for had already been done with anyway. I hadn't seen or heard anything except for Miss Squires working in her office. I was ready to give up and just go back to the library…Or maybe to the hospital? That thought was in my mind too…When I heard the faint sound of the locker room door opening and someone's hard shoes echoing on the tiled floor.

I jerked my head back as Miss Squires looked up and I didn't think she'd seen me. But I was looking over my shoulder too, wondering if that new someone would come the same way I had and catch me spying, or go the other way around the lockers and miss me completely. I felt my heart beating fast and I didn't know where to go or what to do.

I caught sight of Miss Squires then, bending down so that she could look beneath her desk. I figured she'd dropped something and I moved as quickly as I could, hoping against hope that she wouldn't sit back up right away and catch me! I went to the locker and opened it, cringing at the unmistakable sound, but praying that if Miss Squires heard it she'd assume it was Jenny, or whoever was coming in. I squeezed myself in sideways and closed the door, just as Miss Squires sat back up, not looking suspicious at all, and I breathed a sigh of relief and made the sign of the cross in my head, because I figured God had been watching over me extra close just then.

I was a bare six feet from Miss Squires' office door and maybe ten feet beyond that sat her desk. I could watch everything with a perfect view through the vents in the locker and I smiled at how smart I was being. But suddenly I felt my happy smile catch on something deep in my chest. I watched with confusion as the unmistakable form of my mother walked into view, still dressed to the nines, with her heels click-clicking all the way into Miss Squires' office. What was she doing here? I asked myself. I didn't understand what was going on at all.

"Jessie," Miss Squires said warmly and her face lit up with a smile. "I'm so glad you came, sit down." Miss Squires didn't get up, but she looked like she wanted to. "You…You look great."

But my mother didn't sit down. She just tilted her hips so her skirt tightened around her butt, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm here, Brenda, just say what you want to say. Don't play with me."

"Don't play with you? Jessie…" Miss Squires sounded different than I'd ever heard her in gym class. She sounded a little hurt maybe. "I've never stopped thinking about you, about what we shared, and…"

"Stop," my mother's voice was soft. "I don't want to hear it. We didn't share anything, Brenda. You used me! You used my friendship to…to…"

"To love you, Jessie?" Miss Squires' voice was soft too.

"No. I don't believe that." My mother pointed a finger at Miss Squires and her voice became strong again, "And now you're using Amy, I know you are. You'll hurt her just like you hurt me!"

I was shocked to hear my mother speaking my name and I didn't know what she meant. Miss Squires would hurt me? Hurt me how? Like when she spanks me or something else? Emotionally? Did my mother think I was in love with Miss Squires and I'd kill myself if she didn't love me back? How had she hurt my mother? My head was filling with questions, like every question made me think of another one until I thought I'd burst!

"No, Jessie. I'd never hurt Amy. And I'd never hurt you. That wasn't me remember? That was your sick father. Remember that?" Miss Squires sounded desperate, as if she was pleading with my mother for something, but I didn't know what.

"Shut up! Shut up, Brenda!" My mother was close to crying, I could hear her voice trembling and I was almost ready to jump out of that locker and grab her, to take her away. I didn't know what they were talking about, but I loved my mother and couldn't bear to see her hurt like that.

"I won't shut up! We weren't doing anything wrong, Jessie. We were just kids fooling around. I loved you! Your father was wrong, Jessie. Wrong to be angry and wrong to think he could 'cure' you."

Miss Squires had emphasized the word cure like it was a joke, but I didn't get it.

"It was your fault he did it. Your fault…" my mother said softly, "…and mine."

"No, no no no no no!" Miss Squires pounded her desk. "He raped you, Jessie. He grabbed you and called you a dirty dyke and said he'd fuck it right out of you. Remember that? He'd fuck that dyke shit right out of you," she was practically yelling now. "I was there Jessie. Remember? He raped me too."

Miss Squires said the last part so softly I had to strain to hear it. The whole thing blew me away, just seemed to crush me inside that tight little locker. My Grandpa Tate had raped my mother? And then he'd raped Miss Squires because…They'd been lovers? It all washed over me until I was drowning in it. I tried to imagine my Daddy doing that to me, doing it to Jenny, saying those things and then doing…that…to us. I couldn't. I wouldn't imagine it. It was an impossible thing, like drinking the oceans dry or walking to the moon.

She had to be wrong. I must have heard Miss Squires wrong or something. I wanted to explode out of my hiding space and say, "What?!? What did you say?!?" but I didn't. I stayed right where I was because I felt so cold. So alone.

They were quiet a long time before my mother said, "I remember."

"I love you, Jessie. I always have. Nothing could ever change that." Miss Squires was gentle now, speaking with warmth and tenderness and my mother was nodding, but she wasn't crying. "I was twelve years old…and you…you were everything to me, Jessie. Everything."

"I…I loved you too Brenda. I blamed you, but I…I loved you." My mother's shoulders sagged. "I'm sorry, Brenda. I'm so sorry."

"I know, Jessie. I'm sorry too," Miss Squires replied.

"I dressed up for you. I mean, I wanted to look nice for you. I wanted…I want…" she corrected herself a little nervously, "…you to see me again. To…love me…again," my mother said haltingly, as if she knew what she wanted to say, but not the words.

"I do love you, Jessie," Miss Squires smiled. "And I want you…Is that what you want?"

"I'm not…I'm not sure if I…" but my mother didn't finish her thought before Miss Squires spoke again.

"Yes you are, Jessie. You're sure…Say it for me." I was familiar with that tone of voice, it was the one Miss Squires used when she wanted me to play with her, to love her with my hands and mouth. I loved that tone and the way it made me feel.

"No…I…I'm married and I should…"

"Do you remember that first time Jessie?" Miss Squires closed her eyes.

"Yes," my mother's voice was a whisper. "I was…"

"Babysitting me. I was eleven and you were…"

"Fifteen…"

"And you brushed my hair and told me I was beautiful…" Miss Squires touched her hair and I tried to picture it long and flowing.

"So beautiful I wished I was a boy and…"

"You could kiss me."

"Yes," my mother whispered.

"And I told you I didn't want to kiss a boy, I wanted to…"

"Kiss me."

"And you did kiss me. Jessie."

"Yes."

Miss Squires opened her eyes again, smiling gently at my mother. "Have you been seeing anyone, Jessie?"

My mother looked up. "No, no…After the…After I got pregnant I was placed in foster care. With the Welch's and…They helped me so much Brenda. I thought, I mean I wanted to call you, but…I didn't want to hurt you and…"

"I know."

"I married Tom because he was so…so nice and he cared about us, Amy and me, and…" my mother looked back down. "I wanted Amy to have a real father and not…"

"She doesn't know?"

"No! No, of course not I…I never told her. I can't tell her about that."

Miss Squires nodded, "Your husband knows though."

"Yes, he knows everything. Even…even about…us. Before, I mean, that we were…"

"Normal teenage girls…experimenting?"

"Yes, uh…"

"But we weren't just experimenting, were we, Jessie? We were making…"

"Love."

"And you haven't been with anyone else, another woman since that night?"

"No, I…I think…sometimes…"

"About who, Jessie? Who do you think about while you're lying in your bed at night? Who do you imagine between your legs while your husband fucks you?"

My mother didn't say anything and I wondered whom she dreamt of at night, laying awake and unsatisfied while her husband rolled over and fell asleep. Trying to find what she needed with him and living a life of quiet frustration, keeping it inside her all the time. Holding part of herself back from everyone around her, even her own daughter.

When I thought about it like that, I could understand why my mother acted like she did sometimes. But I didn't understand everything, there were just too many new thoughts filling my head and I had too many questions. Everything in my life was suddenly very complicated and I wondered if this was what it was like for my mother every day of her life.

They were quiet for a long moment and I wondered what my mother was going to tell Miss Squires, but she didn't seem to want to say anything. So Miss Squires tried a different approach.

"I have something for you, for us, Jessie." Miss Squires smiled, like she was a magician about to pull not a rabbit, but a buffalo out of her hat. She looked down without waiting for my mother's reply and said, "You can stop that now. Come out here and meet someone special."

Miss Squires pushed herself back and I gasped in shock as a girl's smiling face appeared, flushed pink and glistening wet with what had to be fresh pussy juice.

 

        Chapter 2