Up at five thirty, in and out of the bathroom, downstairs to start breakfast. Jack's up by six and I can hear him shuffling around upstairs. I have to get back up there, rousing Amy first, my daughter, frowning at me, disliking me because I'm her mom and she's fifteen and hates me. Into Jack Junior's room, JJ, who's all of nine and smiling first thing, blinking as I hurry him out of bed. Into the nursery, getting Jilly up, she's going to need the potty right away. She's three and my little angel and she just needs some hand holding going down the stairs. 

Jack's got the wrong tie and I give it a tug and shake my head as we pass. He's running late, as always, and so am I. So are the kids. I'm yelling, begging, threatening, getting everyone dressed and into the kitchen. Amy doesn't want to eat. She's getting fat. The boys won't like her if she has a little toast. JJ wants the chocolate cereal, not the one with the Tiger on it. Jilly is making a snowman out of her instant oatmeal.

I spend five minutes arguing with Amy before she huffs and puffs upstairs, stomping all the way, just so she can wear a stupid bra. Jack stayed out of that conversation, she's his Princess, but even a princess has to wear a bra to school. She hates me a little more. JJ can't find his homework, he left it on the table and he's mad cause someone stole it. I spend ten minutes looking before I find it in his room, right where he left it. No apologies, just a roll of the eyes. Someone else must have put it there.

Jack's gone to work, with a kiss on the cheek and a brave smile, off to slay the dragons of home owners insurance. Amy running out the door and I know her boyfriend is parked around the corner waiting for her, but I'm saving that fight for later. JJ has to run for his bus. Jilly needs a bath, my kitchen is a disaster. The bedrooms upstairs, the bathroom, like world war three happened all over again. 

It happened yesterday too, and the day before. It'll happen again tomorrow, but there's no time for any of that. Bath time for Jilly, a quick shower for me, real quick. Five minutes in front of the mirror trying to look attractive. Dressing Jilly, packing her tote, one quick look around to make sure I turned off the coffee maker. Out the door. Driving across town to preschool, traffic, traffic…Waiting and Jilly wants her doll, the one that fell on the floor of the van. I can't reach it and she's crying. More promises, more traffic.

I drop Jilly off and I'm free. Eight in the morning and I have three whole hours to take care of everything that needs to be done to keep the house running. Shopping, pay the bills, clean the house. I'm nonstop, going a hundred miles an hour until eleven when I pick up Jilly, then we do the last minute things. The errands I forgot. Dry cleaning, picking up Jack's suit, big presentation coming, gotta have it today! Oops, Amy needs some silk for her home economics class. She's sewing a dress, a silk one, it has to be emerald too. No other color will do and I hit three places before I can find some a twenty three dollars a yard. Lunch, is it time for lunch?

I'm running late.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Jesus, Gina, you look terrible." Stacy was waiting for me, smiling as I walked into the Olive Garden holding Jilly.

"Thanks." I rolled my eyes. "I love you too."

I looked around for a waitress, needing a booster seat for Jilly. We did lunch every Tuesday, my oldest bestest friend and me. Sometimes there were other women, other wives who joined us, but today it was just me and Stacy. 

"I mean it, you gotta slow down or something," she told me seriously.

"Heh." I grinned at her. "Where's that waitress, Jilly, just…Sit still, okay, honey?"

We spent an hour that I couldn't spare talking, mostly about nothing. A lot of good natured bitching, as always,, some gossip about people we knew or didn't. It was fun, but I kept looking at my watch, the way I always do. Jilly needed her nap. I had to do the laundry and get ready for the kids to get home from school. I needed to start thinking about dinner. Jack Junior's soccer practice after school almost slipped my mind. I was supposed to pick him up today, I suddenly remembered, being my day to carpool him and his four friends.

"Oh God," I sighed and Stacy just smiled and shook her head.

"Here, I shouldn't do this, but…" she sighed, opening her purse.

"What?" I watched her, narrowing my eyes.

"Take these, Gina. You look like you need some serious pick-up." Stacy opened a plastic cylinder, the orange kind with a childproof cap.

"What are those?" I asked as she tapped a couple green and white capsules onto her palm.

"Diet pills." Stacy grinned at me. "Speed. Believe me, you take these and by dinner time you'll be a week ahead of schedule."

"God, don't tease me." I laughed. "No, I don't want to take anything."

"Go on, two pills won't hurt," she insisted, holding them out.

"But…What are they?" I frowned because I'd never taken drugs in my life, at least not when I wasn't sick.

"They're just…diet pills." She jerked her hand a little, being the persistant friend and so I took them, reluctantly.

"You're sure they're safe?" I looked at her and she nodded.

"I'm sure. Go on." Stacy smiled. "You can thank me later."

"Okay," I sighed, not totally sure I wanted to, but I trusted her and I was spread so thin just then.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Hi!" I smiled at Jack as he came through the door and I felt beautiful, for the first time in a long time.

I'd gotten my laundry done in record time. Jilly had slept like the baby she'd so recently been. I'd gotten JJ and his friends a little ice cream and he loved me. Amy still hated me, but that was okay. She was happy with the silk, although she wouldn't tell me that. Dinner was in the oven, the kids were taking care of themselves, and I looked radiant.

"Well, hi." Jack smiled and I could see him trying to remember why this day was special. That seemed funny and I'd let him worry about it for awhile.

His eyes were remembering me though and Jack hadn't looked at me like that in too long. The truth was I hadn't given him a reason to. I stood close, holding a glass of wine just for him, wearing a nice outfit, a thin summer dress with nothing beneath it. I'd thought about lingerie, but the kids were home, and that dress worked anyway. It was cornflower blue like my eyes, and my blonde hair was brushed; my lips red and inviting. I smelled like strawberries. 

"Give me that…and you take this…" I smiled, trading wine for his briefcase.

My nipples were hard and my sex already moist. How long since we'd had sex, I wondered. Not the obligatory Friday night mutual masturbation that our sex had become after sixteen years and three kids, but making love before the sun had set completely. While the television was on and the stove was hot. How long since we'd done it because we were selfish and in love? Too long…Just like the look in Jack's eyes. 

He'd forgotten I could still look like a woman. That I had full C-cup breasts that weren't quite as firm as they'd once been, but they were still good enough to turn a man's head. My sensitive nipples were dark and stiff and obvious through the cotton, and they still pointed out and up instead of down. I had a small, flat tummy and now he could see it. My hips were still there. I had a shape and long legs and a pert, round butt when I took the time to wear something nice. When I had the time and the energy to be a woman instead of just a wife and mother.

"What's going…on?" Jack smiled as I led him upstairs, putting a finger to my lips and giggling. 

It was so much fun, sneaking into our own bedroom, slipping tip-toe past our kids. I closed the door, licking my lips and slipping to the carpet on my knees, which I hadn't done since…God, since forever. Oral wasn't my thing and my husband was lucky if I gave him head on our anniversary, but I wanted him now. Not for any real reason, except we hadn't done it like that in a long time. I hadn't had the vigor for it. Looking beautiful, being selfish, sucking your husband's cock at six in the evening, all of that takes real a zest for life. I finally had some.

"Gina…Oh…Shit…What's gotten into you?" Jack's cock felt hot in my hands, and harder than it had been in five years. 

"Mmmm…You are, lover," I breathed, turning my eyes upward with a smile. I pressed his thickness against my face, sighing softly as I just enjoyed the sensation of his manhood caressing my cheek.

I felt like I was cheating on my husband. How silly is that? I mean it though, this was different for us, enough so that it seemed like we were with someone else. It was good like that and I opened my mouth eagerly, taking my husband's generous penis into my mouth and teasing it with my tongue while his eyes stared into mine. He swallowed half his wine quickly while I wrapped my lips around the shaft, staining his hot flesh red with my lipstick, sliding my mouth up and down slowly.

He used his free had to push his pants down and I helped Jack undress while I nursed on his cock. I felt like the high school girl I'd been while we dated some sixteen years before. We'd done this sort of thing a lot back then, having sex at any and every opportunity, and we both assumed it would be like that forever. We'd get married and have great sex every day for the rest of our lives. I wonder if anyone, or perhaps everyone, has those same silly ideas when they're seventeen and hopelessly in love.

"Jesus, Gina…I love you so much…I don't tell you enough, I know, but…" My husband felt guilty and it made me smile around his cock.

"Shhh…I know…" I licked my lips, stroking his wet ruddy penis with my hand. "I love you too."

"You're beautiful," he said, but with a conviction I hadn't heard in a long time and I lowered my lips to his balls, breathing in his male musk and licking his sack. He liked that sort of thing much more than I did, but I felt so good and I wanted to reward him.

"Mmmm…" I kissed his balls and even drew his sack into my mouth, sucking on his testes one at a timewhile he stroked my hair. His cock lay heavily across my upturned face, astride my nose and over my left eye, leaking clear precum into my hair. I took him into my mouth again, sucking his cock the best I knew how. 

It really is like riding a bicycle and I even had him in my throat after a few minutes. Taking every inch of him, and in truth he's not huge, but nicely thick and long enough that it was special taking all of him. Deep throating the cock that had made my children, it was a thought that warmed me, literally and figuratively, and I made love to him with my mouth. Rewarding him for working hard and providing us with a home and food. He stayed as busy as me, only in a different way, and I did take him for granted, like he did with me. We just assumed things happened by themselves, although we knew they didn't. He did his job and I did mine. We deserved this.

I felt his hands digging into my hair, gripping me, holding me tight and moving me the way he liked. His wine glass was empty, dropped forgotten to the carpet while I drank the spit and precum filling my mouth. Jack moaned softly, urging me to move a little faster, suck him a little harder, and I enjoyed it. Mouthing his cock, feeling it strong and hot. He was full of desire for me, his heavy balls loaded with eager sperm, despite his vasectomy. We could pretend otherwise and I liked that. I wanted him inside my body.

I held his balls in my hand, rolling them gently while he pushed with hips, getting anxious. It felt good for both of us and he was nodding, working his shaft between my lips, over my tongue and occasionally into my throat as I opened for him. I slipped my mouth away before he could cum, kissing and licking down the underside. I took his balls once again into my mouth. I wetted them thoroughly, sucking and making soft humming noises so he could feel the vibrations and laugh with the pleasure of it. I was smiling too, my mouth full with Jack's lightly furred scrotum and I had my hand between my thighs, under my dress so I could feel my vulva. I'd grown hot and wet with anticipation an hour before, my labia swollen with desire. My clitoris hard and thrumming with excitement. I fingered myself while I mouthed my husband's balls.

"Let me inside…Come here…" Jack wanted me, he wanted to cum inside me. Not in my mouth, but in my sex, in my womb.

"Yeah," I breathed happily, letting him pull me to my feet. He stood naked and I was as undressed as I needed to be.

He put me on the bed, pushing my dress up around my hips and lifting my legs. He wanted me the old fashioned way, face to face the way we hadn't done it since we'd made Jilly. He put my knees over his shoulders, smiling and staring into my eyes and I nodded agreeably, biting my bottom lip as I felt the blunt head of his cock rubbing across my slit. He split my labia easily, sliding into my sex without any protest or resistance. I opened up for him so quickly and just like that we were making love. 

I wrapped my arms around him, feeling no discomfort at all as my husband leaned forward, lifting my ass off the bed, giving his hardness a straight path into the depths of my humid womb. He fucked me slowly at first, making me groan as I felt my orgasm rising. My first in years it seemed. I hadn't cum just from fucking in ages. I wasn't even sure I could anymore and I'd bought a vibrator just for that selfish pleasure, but there it was. I pulled him against me, wanting it harder and faster and deeper. He was going to set me off any moment and I closed my eyes, whimpering with joy when it happened.

Jack kissed me, his tongue pressing between my open lips even as I rocketed into bliss. My whole body strained around the man, my pussy contracting as if to hold him inside me forever. I saw flashing lights and heard a sound like the ocean far away. I could smell his sweat stained body after a long day and taste our sex on the air. I was alive, after how many years of being in a coma, I was awake and cumming and a moment later Jack came with me. His manhood jerked sharply inside my body, his semen spreading through me like nothing else in the world. I was full of him again, full of us, and I wept because it was exactly what I'd been missing without even realizing it.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"I need more of those pills," I said into the phone. 

It was Thursday, two days later and I was dead again, in that awful place. Not enough time, too much to do. I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off all day, every day. I wanted that afternoon back. I wanted that energy. Those little green and white pills had made everything better, but not forever and that's what I wanted.

"Gina? Hi…What was that?" Stacy sounded a little surprised that I'd call her at work, but not too much.

"Those diet pills. Can I get more?"

"Oh, those." She cleared her throat and lowered her voice. "Um, yeah, maybe…"

"Maybe?" I frowned. "Stace, come on. Just tell me. Do I need a prescription, or what? Who's your doctor?"

"Slow down." My friend laughed and dropped her voice to a near whisper. "Look, they're not really a prescription, okay?"

"What?" I cocked my head, trying to hear Stacy as Jilly began crying, unhappy with her tapioca and telling me she wanted the chocolate pudding instead.

"I can get you some," she told me. "Um, they're fifty dollars for twenty of them."

"Yeah, okay," I agreed. "Where do I get a prescription though?"

What?" She sounded confused then. "I told you, they're not prescription. Meet for lunch on Monday, okay? I'll have some for you then."

"Monday?" I sighed, that was much too far away. "Stacy, I can't go through the whole weekend like this! Come on!"

"Gina! God, relax," she told me with a thin giggle. "I have to see someone, you know? I have to get them before I can give them to you."

"Well…" I pinched the phone between my cheek and shoulder as I got the pudding for Jilly, just so she'd be quiet for five minutes. "Where do you get them? I can go. I'll get them myself."

"I get them from a guy, um…" She paused to think about it. "Let me call you back, okay? I can't just tell you, I'm sorry, it's just…I'll call you."

"When?" I asked, not understanding what was going on at all. All she had to do was tell me what store she went to, what pills to ask for.

"I don't know…Half an hour, alright? Okay Gina?"

"Yeah, okay," I nodded into the phone, but I wasn't happy about it.

Rinnnng…

"Stacy?" I had it on the first ring.

"Yeah, hey..." Stacy said. "I talked to the guy, so it's okay. I explained."

"Explained what?" I wondered, but she was still talking.

"Got a pen? Write this address down…"

A minute later I had it, a street address out in the suburbs, on the other side of town, and I frowned at it.

"Are you sure this is right?" I asked. "This is in Meadowpark."

"Yeah, he lives there," she replied. "Just remember to bring cash, okay? It's two fifty a hit…"

"A…hit?" I narrowed my eyes and I finally started getting it. "Stacy…You mean he's a drug dealer?"

I'd lowered my voice instinctively and looked around like someone might have overheard, but the only one there was Jilly. She was playing on the kitchen floor, coloring Cinderella and singing to herself.

"Yeah, what did you think I was talking about?" Stacy laughed. "You gotta be really cool, Gina. I mean it. I told him you're my best friend, otherwise he wouldn't see you at all."

"But…Who is he?" I wondered, suddenly feeling very nervous and even a bit frightened. A drug dealer? I looked at my baby and frowned. 

"He's a guy I knew in college. He hooked everyone up for mid-terms, you know?" Stacy explained. "He saved my butt and so...I just know him. He's okay, but you gotta be okay too, right?"

"Yeah, right." I swallowed hard. 

"He's totally normal, Gina," she assured me, sensing my sudden apprehension. "He just has a weird job."

"Okay, yeah."

"Call me, huh? After you see him, you give me a call." Stacy made me promise and I really wondered if I'd dare go to this guy's house or not.

I didn't know any drug dealers. I didn't want to know any. They're evil and bad and I was a mother with three kids. I looked at Jilly, my little angel coloring on the kitchen floor. I didn't even want her living in the same world as a drug dealer. I didn't need those pills that badly. I could survive, I told myself. The pills hadn't done anything anyway. It was all me. I'd taken care of the house and kids and then my husband that night. Not the pills, it had been me. If I could do it once, I could do it again.

No drug dealers allowed in my life.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Friday was the worst. JJ missed his school bus, so I had to drive him. I was late getting Jilly to preschool. They had a rule and she had to miss the class. Couldn't disturb the routine for everyone. A wasted drive and a wasted morning. Jilly was happy, too happy. She wouldn't stay in the shopping cart and wanted everything she saw on the shelves. Anger, pleading, remorse, bribery. I was doing all of it, feeling all of it. Running around like a chicken, walking in a coma. I forgot my purse and had to turn around. I was dying and late for everything, everywhere, all morning long. The world moved too fast and I was in slow motion. It wasn't fair and I avoided my reflection in the rearview mirror.

"Uh…Hi." I blinked at the man who opened the door.

He was tall, mid-thirties, clean cut and not bad looking. Not scruffy, not scarred and tattooed. Not even black. Just a white guy who looked like he ought to be managing a Starbucks someplace. He lived in a split level house, like a thousand other ones in the middle of suburbia. He had a swing set in the yard and a Volvo in the open garage.

"Hello." He looked at me and then at Jilly, smiling at the girl as I held her.

"Uh…" I glanced around nervously. "I'm Gina, um...Stacy's friend? She gave me your address and…"

"Oh, right." His face broke into a smile as he nodded. "Come on in, Gina."

He held the door open and stood aside for us. I swallowed hard, feeling my heart going a mile a minute. What was I doing?

"Okay…Yeah…" I stepped into the man's house and it looked like anyone else's. The Discovery Channel played on his television. The air smelled faintly of breakfast; coffee, eggs, and bacon. I half-expected to see a wife or even kids, but we seemed to be alone.

"I'm Gary," he said, closing the door. "You're pretty nervous, huh?"

"Yeah," I giggled weakly. "I just, uh…I don't know…"

"It's alright, Stacy told me you're kind of high-strung."

"She did?" I narrowed my eyes, but he didn't elaborate.

"Sit down." Gary gestured at a sofa. "Do you want something to drink? Some soda or coffee?" He smiled at Jilly. "I think I've got some cookies. A couple Girl Scouts came by the other day and..."

"What? No, uh-uh…We're fine. Thanks." I didn't sit down, but only held Jilly as she fixed her eyes on the television. It was Shark Week. Again.

"You're looking for greens right?" he asked, finally dropping the friendly chit-chat.

"Greens?" I shrugged. "Stacy gave me some capsules, um...Green and white ones?"

"Yeah." He smiled. "Greens, that's cool. It's fifty for twenty, okay? And don't take a lot…Just one at a time, you know, when you really need it. No more than two a day either or you'll never sleep."

He chuckled while I nodded quickly. I wanted him to shut-up and get the pills already.

"I'll go get them," he said. "Twenty, right?"

"Yeah. I've got the money right here." I shifted Jilly so I could reach my purse. She was being good and sucking her thumb patiently.

"Okay, that's fine." Gary nodded. "Back in a second."

He gave me a small zip-lock bag with twenty pills in it and I gave him a fifty dollar bill. I wanted to throw up for some reason. My heart hurt and I was holding my baby and buying drugs. I left so quickly that I almost tripped, stumbling and making apologetic goodbyes and clumsy excuses the man didn't want. I had an appointment, I needed to get Jilly her lunch. I had to run. I sat in the van for five minutes, crying before I could drive away.

And I got so much stuff done that afternoon. I felt happy again. Alive and smiling and beautiful. It was Friday and I convinced Jack to take me out. Amy threw a tantrum because she had to stay home and watch her brother and sister, but her father laid down the law for a change. It was his turn to play bad cop because he saw my good mood ad wanted me all over again. We went out, like we were on a real date, and I was so up it was unbelievable. I tried to remember how I used to feel like that all the time. God, how I missed it.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Hey," my husband whispered and he was making love to me nice.

I lay on my back with Jack on his left side facing me. Our legs were scissored, above and beneath and in between each other while he pumped his cock in and out of me slowly. I'd melted into that warm, fuzzy place, damp with sweat and my breasts rose and fall slowly with every deep breath I took. I'd cum earlier, a couple times, and now we were just relaxing before the big finish.

"Hmmm?" I smiled, reaching out with my hand to touch his face.

"How come you're in such a good mood lately?" he asked and he'd tried very hard to make his question non-threatening, neutral without any accusation at all, but I heard it anyway.

Guilt rose up like bile in my in my throat and I turned my face away. I was frightened of the truth, not just telling him what I'd done, but admitting it to myself anymore than I needed to. I'd been taking those pills, one, sometimes two a day. First thing in the morning and then later, maybe, another in the afternoon. I'd been doing it for almost two weeks and those twenty pills were almost gone. I had two left and I was frightened by that. Scared of wanting to get more of them, scared of not having them. Scared of life the way it had been before.

"I don't know." I smiled at the far wall. "I just feel…better, I guess."

"Okay," Jack agreed, not pushing me, but now we both knew he'd noticed the difference. He was curious now and looking for a reason.

"I'm getting along better with Amy," I said, hoping that would explain it. 

"Good," my husband sighed and reached for my left breast, playing with it, thumbing my nipple while he worked his cock inside my pussy.

"She still hates me though." I giggled and even that didn't bother me, not just a couple hours after I'd taken a pill. She could hate me, I still loved her.

"She's just at that age," he said. "She'll get over it. JJ will do the same thing to me probably."

"Heh!" I shook my head and turned back to him. "He adores you."

"Yeah." Jack smiled because it was true. 

"So does Amy," I said. "So do I."

"I love you," he told me. "If something's wrong…You'd tell me, right?"

"What?" I blinked at him. "Of course I would."

"Okay." He smiled.

He pulled me closer, shifting a little and feeding me more of his prick, harder and deeper. Jack reached down between my legs, rubbing my clit for me while we fucked and I moaned, licking my lips and lifting my ass against it. He knew me and what I liked, and Jack was going to let me cum first. He'd make sure of it, wanting to be the best lover he could be. I was wet, sloppy wet and the tang of our union filled the air and I loved the feeling of his cock working my pussy deep like that.

"I wish we could have another baby," I sighed and where that thought came from, I have no idea.

"You do?" He laughed and thrust harder, squeezing my tit with his strong soft fingers, making me arch my back.

"Yeah," I nodded. "One more, another boy."

"Too late for that," Jack said and I'd been the one wanting him to get a vasectomy. It was my fault we couldn't have any more children, but he wasn't blaming me. He never did and we really did have our hands full with three anyway.

"I know." I gasped, wriggling my hips, screwing myself down on that cock. "I just feel like I could do anything right now."

"Hmmmm..." My husband smiled at that because it sounded so totally different from my usual complaints. "We could try something else."

He pulled his cock almost completely out of me and I rolled my eyes, knowing what he meant. He'd been trying to talk me into trying anal sex since the day he'd taken my virginity, or so it seemed sometimes. I'd learned to suck him though, and that should have been enough.

"Don't spoil it," I whispered and we didn't say anything else for awhile. He knew better and soon enough we were making love with real urgency.

"Gina..." he sighed, kissing me at the moment of truth and held my husband tight.

"Ah…Fuck me…I love you…I'm cumming…" I gasped into his mouth, losing myself completely as Jack's orgasm joined mine. Nothing else mattered and I forgot everything else.

Read Chapter Two