3.9 with a bullet! - You guys crack me up :)))
SOL readers are idiots...Present company excluded, of course.

Just Plain Jane

Blog n Stuff - The Rabbit in my Hat

Hi! The Just Plain Jane stories were invented by yours truly on a sunny day in early November. I was contemplating the very extensive collection of "Slut Wife" stories in the erotica section of my favorite bookstore when it occured to me, "Hey! Where are all the slut husband stories?" Of course, slut husband is an oxymoron as husbands are men by definition, and most of them have a penis and/or balls, and are therefore sluts.

Being a proactive product of the post-Women's Lib Generation Y-Me? I decided to do something about it. I'm sure some people have heard of "Just Plain Bob" and have perhaps read some of his stories, most of which feature a slut wife in the starring role. He's got 633 stories on SOL and has probably posted 10 more in the time it's taken me to write this sentence. I stumbled upon the brilliant idea of riding his coat tails as "Just Plain Jane", and not only because it would put me hard on his heels in the SOL author directory, but also because the main character's voice would be that of a plain Jane. A woman who suffers the guilt and shame of being ordinary in the fictional world of pornography. Is there any greater sin? Men have been doing it for years. Small dicked husbands being cuckolded by studs of mythic proportion and God-like sexual prowess is a staple of online erotica; women, not so much.

I needed a female version of the lack-luster Willie Loman to suffer the fatal attraction of a woman at once repelled and aroused by her husband's infidelity. Since most women do not have dicks, even itty-bitty ones, and the average man will consume 14.7 females during his lifetime with little regard for their physical attributes, other than wishing they looked like someone else, I have been forced to rely on the age old storytelling device of "True Love" and hope Jane can sell it to a largely male audience. Being a woman myself, I know that "True Love" was invented on a Tuesday back in ancient Greece by a hottie named Athena (no relation to the deity) to explain to her mother why she stayed with a man who spent most of his time drinking wine and wrestling naked with teenage boys. The real reason, unfortunately, has been lost to the passage of time, but you get the point.

And so, that's how and why Just Plain Jane was created. The next question was one of format. I decided from the beginning, before ever setting pen to paper, that I would dedicate all of her stories to a single universe populated by a specific cast of characters. I didn't want to write a novel, but a series of chapters that can be read in any order, or arranged in a chronological sequence and actually form a novel, if one were sufficiently anal about it. That, however, would be purely incidental to the process. I'm writing stand-alone stories as the urge takes me. Whatever idea I might have, regardless of where and when it may occur in Jane's life, can and will be written, and subsequently posted.

This presents unique difficulties as I do not take notes. I depend upon me gulliver to remember all the intimate details of each character and events as related previously to the reader. Needless to say, I'm going to make mistakes. I carefully considered that over a cup of coffee and a Hershey's bar, with almonds, and quickly came to the conclusion that a little mistake never hurt anyone except France. Consistency, or as we called it back at Paramount, continuity, is not something I plan to lose a lot of sleep over. It's sufficient that I've thought about it, weighed the pros and cons, and blew it off with a shrug. I'll probably regret that later when I'm proofing for Billy Wilder in Hell. That's the fate of all careless authors because God hates to see talent wasted. He hates those kids shoes with squeakers in them, too.

The important thing to remember is that my goal isn't to achieve world peace, solve world hunger, or win a Nobel Prize in Physics. All of those things are impossible for one little old me. What I want to do here is write pornography. Heck, I don't even need a condom for that. Safe sex is a no brainer! I just made that up, and either I'm really drunk or it's kinda funny.

Is there anything else I want to say? Let's knock out the blogs for the first five stories:

JPJ01 - The Slutty Groom

This was the first story, obviously, and so it's kind of uneven. I had to feel my way into Jane's head and figure out where she was coming from. The story does its job and I think it sets a good tone, but it's hard to really flesh out a character in less than 5000 words. This is probably the weakest of the Plain Jane Stories so far and it took about 3 hours to write.

JPJ02 - Popular Science

I wrote this in the afternoon, after writing The Slutty Groom that morning, and it was originally supposed to be all about Jilly, the youngest sister, and how she seduces Robert. It soon became clear to me that it was working better as a vehicle to bring Janey and Robert together. I needed to get my head around their initial meeting and why a teenage Adonis would fall in love with a plain Jane, so it worked out well that way. Again, I was still feeling my way through the characters and I think it has a bit more humor in it than any of the other stories, so far.

JPJ03 - Initiation Gang-Bang

The very next day, early in the morning, I started writing this story. Mostly because I wanted to continue moving around and catch Janey in various stages of her life. So I wanted to visit her in college and I kept looking for ways to transpose the classic male and female roles as they're portrayed in erotica. A lot of slut wife stories have the big gang-bang scene and I thought it would be cute if the girls could pull a train on Robert. I suppose it is a little far fetched in many, many ways, but I think it's fun, too. I gave serious thought to the lesbian aspect of the story. Did I want to go there or not. A lot of cuckold husband stories have the poor man eating his wife's lover's sperm from her pussy, or sometimes getting it straight from the tap, but I decided a creampie sort of scene would be in keeping. The hard part is preventing Jane from becoming too submissive.

JPJ04 - Good Therapy

Did I say too submissive? I went back and forth in this story over the SLAP! that Janey gets. Should it be there or shouldn't it? Is she too subbie or not. It's a hard call and I went with hypnotism, a little mind control here, although I'm not very good with that as a plot device. I admire authors who are and I enjoy their work, but I have a devil of a time emulating them. I tried to do it and I think it's okay. The hardest part was looking for an ending. I really wanted a cute hook at the end, something surprising and fun. I think I found it and I like this episode a lot. Probably because I just finished writing it. Tomorrow I will write a new one and I'm thinking "Mile High Club" for some reason.

JPJ05 - Breakfast in Paris

Well, I intended to write about flight attendants, but as soon as I threw Paris Hilton into the mix, she pretty much pushed everyone else aside. As you might expect, anytime Paris appears, things get silly. I took a break half-way through the chapter and contemplated trashing it, washing my hands, and starting something new. Alas, I'm not that motivated and I suppose pushing the limits of sense and sensibility is sometimes necessary when writing slut husband stories. Or maybe not. Either way, this story is what it is. I took the opportunity to think about other episodes and dropped the obligatory teasers like incendiary bombs on Dresden. So...Yeah.

Bonus! JPJ06 - Peeping Mom

I just finished this and proofed it about 8 minutes ago, so I thought I'd include it in this blog note. I thought I'd go ahead and see what the future holds for Janey. I have a lot of ideas and I'm sort of in a rush to get them down before I forget them. Like the other stories, this was written without a plan or plot, there's a lot of background and mostly I just want to keep opening up the possibilities. I also wanted to get away from the silliness of Paris Hilton, sort of cleansing my porn sensibilities with some old fashioned family fun in the Phil Phantom tradition.

There it is. My first blog entry and the little notes about the first four stories. Thank you for listening. I'll be doing a podcast on December 5th, 9pm EST at Live. com...but not about these stories! Sorry, that's false advertising. But if you listen in, you'll learn something new. I promise.

Just Plain Jane

=====================================

More confessions from the war on terror
I should have prepared something in advance, but even the best Girl Scouts can be caught with their cookies in the oven. Having a bun in the oven is a little more delicate and I seem to be on a pregnancy kick, but what can I say? That maternal instinct runs strong in women married to slut husbands. Let's talk about a few more stories while I wait for this home tester to give me a sign from heaven...

JPJ07 - Sandy's Evil Plan

I kinda wanted to go a different direction and there's a story type, an archetype in the slut wife genre, called "Ovulating Wife Seduced by Husband's Rival" and I've probably read a few dozen of those stories in one form or another. I had the inexplicable impulse to try my own hand at it, but with a 5000 word speed limit, which was probably a good thing. There's a lot I didn't get to say, but I think it's self-evident that Robert's slutty ways are to blame and poor Janey is just the victim.

................That reminds me. I got a some emails from people wondering, "Why is she so stupid?" and my answer is that this is porn. If she wasn't the way she is, there wouldn't be a story. The first episode would have ended with a wedding scene much like that in "Kill Bill" ...Fiction does what it has to, much like unsupervised five year olds.


JPJ08 - South of Eden

I don't like this story. I should throw it away, but I need to get as many up as I can before Christmas and so I'll occasionally have to post things that quite frankly, I'm not proud of. Perhaps if I rewrite the ending, it'll work a little better. I have a couple days, so I'll look at it again. Basically it's a quick write and I just wanted to let Janey have some fun in high school and introduce/reinforce the idea that she really is a closet lesbian. She's queer as a three dollar bill, but so repressed she can't even acknowledge her interest in women.

Too bad for her, eh?

JPJ09 - Petting Janey

I thought I'd expand on Janey's submissive nature. I just can't fight it anymore, although she'll never consciously admit it. The more I write, the more issues she has, and I may have to abandon my original idea in favor of something completely different. Maybe I'm not writing slut husband stories at all, but some sort of atheist porn constructed in a test tube of self-delusion. It wouldn't be the first time! Anyway, this story is a fairly cliche middle of the road morality tale about good pets gone bad, although Rex has very little to do but cum.

Two-dimensional characters, God love 'em!

Bye!

========================================================

Things your therapist won't tell you
Hi. I wanted to blog about a couple things while I'm still drunk.

First, to the anonymous reader who told me, and I quote, "Keep writing slut crap and keep getting 1's ... What do you expect? ... You can't fight public opinon." <sic> 

He (or she, as unlikely as that seems) actually said much more than that, but strangely enough, those three mediocre sentences sum up the email exceptionally well. In fact, once all the irrelevencies are safely removed during the fermentation process, the email is actually cool and refreshing. It even has a little kick if you want to share it with your girlfriend. Who knows? Get her tipsy enough and you might just have children! So, let me answer the email here, since anonymous has the same address as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and God, for that matter. He answers, but sometimes the answer is no? Right. He's got Alzheimers, I hate to break it to you.

Okay, the issue with scores, uh...I could care less. That solves that problem. If you're giving me a specific score because of a specific code, then one of us has issues. Psssst...I'll give you a hint: It's not me.

What do I expect? I assume he means what do I expect so far as scores are concerned. See above. So far as download numbers go, I'm not sure. I figure by the time I have a hundred stories posted, I'll be able to form a reasonable expectation for the hundred and first, but I'll probably be wrong. So far as feedback is concerned. I actually expect more than what I'm getting, to be perfectly honest, but the good news is that the emails I have gotten have all been remarkably positive. -- Except for one. I think he has issues. So, the bottom line is that you should email me and tell me what you like or don't like, or just say hi, because that's kind of nice.

I'm saying hi to you right now. "Hi!"

And finally, I can fight public opinion. Heck, I can kick public opinion's ass. I mean, you shoulda brought more guys! I'll tell you why. Because I'm not afraid of being unpopular. If I was, well...I probably wouldn't call readers idiots, would I? That's not too smart if I want to be the SOL Prom Queen! But if I just want to crash the dance and spike the punch? Yeah. You see where I'm going with this. I think readers are afraid of being unpopular. Some of them anyway, not you guys. If you're smart enough to read my blog, then you're not an insecure idiot with a small penis and a big ass. You're a beautiful snowflake and I love you.

Now for the Bad News...

I've found a new love. My attention span is about as long as the space between these two letters and while I was waiting for the creamer in my coffee to stop swirling, it occurred to me that if one man is good, then two would be even better! I mean, I like men as a general rule, they're like extra-tall gerbils! So I decided I'd write slut faggot stories, since nobody else seems to be doing it.

I hate doing the same thing as anyone else. I really do, it's like some strange obsessive compulsion. Anyway, you got nine stories in nine days for free, so who's complaining?


JPJ

edited to correct "tjhat" -- curse my twisted fingers!

====================================================

All about me...The last blog
I got an email I'll share, but I want to tell everyone, as I told the guy who emailed me, I'm just the author. Don't confuse me with the characters in my stories. I appreciate the interest in my person, but it's misplaced. I'm not posting porn out of any desire to become intimate with readers or share a lot of personal details and secrets with anyone. Online friendships are different than reality, but not so much in the sense that they require time, trust, and respect. In any event, I am utterly and completely disinterested in attention beyond that any author expects and deserves from her audience.

Okay? Thanks, I knew you guys would get it. :)

Subject: RE: great stories - - JPJ
To: janeyryan@

tell me about yourself

age 29
height 5'4" on my tip-toes
weight right now? less than 100 pounds

bra size I grew up in the Midwest, as some people know, and as a teenage girl active in 4-H, I had the opportunity to visit a real dairy farm. Unfortunately, I had a, uh...incident, let's call it, with a milking machine. My left breast is a 32B, but my right breast is a 32DD and it's rather embarrassing. I don't want to talk about it.

panty size who says I wear panties?
hair color I don't actually have very much hair, but right now I'm wearing an excellent fedora hat. It's a mustard color and just a little too big for my head (hard to believe, eh?) because I bought it when I had hair. I also have a very awesome collection of authentic Mexican bandanas, including one with a likeness of Che Guevarra, although he wasn't Mexican and could actually be labeled a mass murderer, but still...I like having his face looking towards heaven. My favorite, however, is actually a Hermes silk scarf that my husband bought me in a Tartan pattern. It reminds me of the only Scottish joke I know: Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper coming down a mile away.

eye color Brown
biggest fantasy Jesus and Mohammed having oral sex with each other at a news conference.

turn ons In order? My dog, my husband when teases me (I hate that! I love that!), Brad Pitt's naked butt, work, thinking about Brad Pitt's naked butt at work while my husband teases me over the phone about my dog

turn off Being objectified just because I happen to think writing porn is funny

last time you had sex That's a complicated question...If I have the sort of sex that I think of as sex, I'll break and probably die.

last time you masturbated and what you were thinking about I honestly don't remember. Twenty minutes ago? I was thinking about a Snicker's Bar. I'm kinda hungry.

LETS HAVE SOME FUN (the guy closed his email with that, but...Isn't that why I spent all those hours writing stories? So we could have some fun?)

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Someone asked me for a list and so I thought I'd make this available to everyone:

Stories (to date) in Chronological Order:

Popular Science
South of Eden
Initiation Gang-Bang
The Cheating Groom
Breakfast in Paris
Good Therapy
Sandy's Evil Plan
Petting Janey
Peeping Mom

==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==

And that's it. I know this wasn't especially clever or funny. I'm a little under the weather and I'll tell you, once a long story (or a bunch of little ones hastily penned) is finished, I tend to get real euphoric for a day and then I tend to crash emotionally for a couple days, and then I write something else.

I think that's fairly normal for people, but maybe not. I only know it's true and I live for the euphoria, you know? So I'll probably write more stories at a future date. Thanks for all the emails and I hope you all have a great holiday season and get laid on New Years Eve. That would make the world a better place, right?

JPJ


ps - I answered most of the questions as truthfully as possible, but a couple of them...Well, you don't really believe my eyes are brown, do you? That would be ridiculous!

Next Story