Girl Fag 40
"What happened to you?" Steve asked me and he wasn't mad or anything. He was smiling at me.
"What?" I was smiling too, like I'd never stop, and I just felt really warm all over. I was still thinking about Ben and Jared.
Steve and Lisa were lying on the big bed and the television was on, but turned down so low it could barely be heard. They were dressed, kinda; Steve was wearing his boxers and Lisa wearing a short nightgown, blue like her eyes and kinda sexy. They hadn't been having sex though, just talking, I thought.
"Oh, I went swimming," I shrugged and unwrapped the towel from around my breasts and my wet t-shirt felt cold and uncomfortable. "I need a shower."
"You went swimming?" Steve chuckled and Lisa smiled at me.
"What else were you wearing?" Lisa wondered, kind of teasing me.
"My underwear," I stuck my tongue out. "It's okay. Nobody saw me anyway."
That was a little lie, but I wasn't worried about it. I was tingling and I felt…different. Ben and Jared. God! What had they done to me? I mean, besides kissing me and fucking me and making me feel really good all over. What had changed? They were the first boys I'd met, the first anyone I'd met really, who didn't have any expectations. No preconceptions about who I was or what I wanted to be. They were boys and I was a girl and that was all they knew. I'd liked that a lot, but I didn't understand why it was important or what it meant.
Except I kinda knew what it meant, didn't I? Jared had said I was beautiful and he was glad I was the first girl he'd ever had sex with. I couldn't get that out of my head. It was like he'd given me something special, something I couldn't see or touch, but I could feel it. I could hold it inside and keep it forever and I didn't even know what it was! I was thinking too much again, I knew, but this time it didn't worry me. I wasn't frightened of it and that was weird. I wanted to think about it. I wanted to remember it.
I'd been a boy for almost fourteen years, except when I was really little, but that didn't count. Babies aren't really people yet. They're just babies. When I was old enough to know what I was, I'd been a boy. Then I started having sex, like something new had woken up inside me, and I'd had a lot of sex and really fast. So at first I'd wanted to be a boy still and have boy sex and that was okay, except I liked other boys. So I'd thought I was a fag, right? You can't be a boy forever and then just wake up one day and be a girl. It doesn't work and probably that was why I'd felt so broken sometimes.
That was starting to make sense and I smiled underneath the hot shower.
I'd been thinking like a boy and trying to be a boy, even though I'd been changing. It was like when I got my first period. I knew for sure I wasn't a boy then, but I'd fought it and ignored it, and just told myself I was still a boy inside and my body didn't matter. That had worked for a year, almost two years, but menstruation was a private thing; a personal thing that didn't involve anybody except me. Sex was different and I'd looked for sex with people who wanted me to be a boy or who could pretend I wasn't a girl. Or maybe I hadn't exactly looked for them, but like Josh's cousin, Sandy, they'd found me.
It was just the next logical step, right?
This seemed like the clearest thinking of my life and it was exciting for me. My life almost made sense and I could follow what had happened and why and everything! I wished Scott was there with me. He would have understood it too, even better than me, and I could have told him and he'd have nodded and talked about it. I almost got out of the shower just so I could call him. I really wanted to, but I didn't. I was still thinking and that water felt good.
Eventually, I'd gone from just having boy sex to having girl sex with Jane and Julie. That was the next little step, wasn't it? I mean, I was still being kind of a boy, but not really. It felt safe and they loved me and it was easy because of that. I'd still worried about it later, but at the time it had been pretty okay. I'd decided I could be a girl with other girls, kinda. And then after I'd given my virginity to Jane, Steve had wanted me as a girl. He always had, but now he finally could, and I'd let him because I loved him.
That was another step. Letting a boy have me as a girl and it had to be Steve, I thought. He'd had to be my first because he already knew I'd been a boy. He understood me, sort of, and he wasn't going to try and change me all at once. He was just loving me the way a boy does with a girl and I'd worried over that the next day, but mostly out of habit, maybe. Because I thought I should worry about it and I was just resisting the idea because I was afraid to admit that I was changing. I'd made other excuses; that he was my brother and engaged to Lisa and he couldn't really love me…But the real issue was that I was afraid of being the girl that a man like Steve could love.
Like Jared loved me.
I'd seen it in his eyes and I'd known it in my heart and if we'd had more time together…A whole summer, I thought. If I had a summer to spend with Jared, by the end of it I'd be ready to tell him I loved him. I'd be his girlfriend and wearing dresses and little pink panties. I'd let my hair grow out and paint my fingernails red and wear high heels too. I was giggling in the shower and touching my body, biting my bottom lip and feeling it sore from Ben's gentle teeth. Him too. I coulda been a girlfriend for both of them easy, I thought. I wanted to be beautiful and see that look in Jared's eyes when he was kissing me.
"I'm a girl," I said out loud and I was still smiling, which should have amazed me probably. But I could see the reasons for it and how one thing had led to another, and then the next and…Yeah, "I'm a girl."
Of course, knowing it and saying it was a lot different than actually living it. I'd said stuff like that before and then changed my mind later, but I didn't think I would this time. I was different, changing a little everyday over the better part of the last month. I'd stressed out and cried and gotten mad at myself and everybody else. I hadn't understood it. I'd been growing up and it had confused me, like it does everyone probably. I'd just gotten it a little worse than some people. But even a motor head like me gets the point eventually and I was feeling pretty smart right then.
I just had to figure out how to stay smart!
"Feeling better?" Steve asked me and he almost looked worried, possibly because it had been a long time since I'd been so happy that I couldn't stop smiling. He probably figured I was losing my mind.
"I feel great," I decided as I walked out of the bathroom pretty naked, drying my hair with my towel.
"You look pretty great," Lisa said. "That must have been some kind of swim."
"Hmmm…" I giggled and dug through my bag, finding a clean pair of boxers with some little yellow smiley faces all over them. "I met a couple guys from Canada."
"What?" Steve stopped smiling. "I thought you said you were by yourself?"
"I was for awhile," I shrugged. "We oughta wash clothes. There's a laundry room by the pool. They got a gym too and…"
"What happened?" Steve cut me off.
"What?" I made myself busy sorting my dirty clothes, even though it was almost eleven at night. I didn't feel very tired at all.
"How old were those guys?" Steve wanted to know.
"Huh? Oh. Like my age," I said. "They were twins. Isn't that cool?"
"Twins?" Lisa laughed lightly. "Were they cute?"
"Lisa…" Steve didn't want her encouraging me or something. He was so protective sometimes.
"Very!" I giggled.
"What did you do?" Steve asked and I hadn't planned on saying anything cause I knew he'd be like that, but I had to tell someone!
"Ummm…" I shrugged and then laughed and they both knew I'd had sex. "Jared said I was beautiful."
"Jared?" Steve frowned.
"You are beautiful," Lisa said.
"Jared?" Steve repeated.
"And Ben," I agreed. "They're gonna send me pictures when they get home. They reminded me of Mark and David sorta."
"But, ummm…" Lisa was pursing her lips.
"Mark and David?" Steve rolled his eyes. "Great. Did they fuck you?"
"…if you're going to have sex like that, maybe you should get some protection," Lisa was still talking.
"Yeah," I looked at Steve, smiling and showing him my tongue. "I wanted to. I dunno."
"Protection?" Steve turned his eyes from me to Lisa.
"You don't think I'm pregnant, do you?" I lost my smile for a second as I realized what Lisa had just said.
"She needs a chastity belt," Steve said and he looked back at me. "What's the matter with you?"
"Nothing!" I frowned back at him. "I liked those guys and they were nice. What's wrong with that?"
"No, you won't ovulate until two weeks before the end of your cycle," Lisa told me. "But you don't want to be cutting it close either."
"My period just ended a couple days ago," I said.
"You can't have sex with a couple guys because you think you like them," Steve said.
"No," Lisa smiled at me. "Your period just started a week ago, maybe more. You count from when your menstruation starts, not from when it ends."
"I don't think I like them." I gave Steve a grin. "I know I like them, okay?" I looked at Lisa, "Really? So my period started on, um, Sunday. So I'm a week into it?"
"You don't even know them," Steve said and he was starting to realize that I just wasn't gonna feel bad about having sex with Ben and Jared no matter what he said.
"Yeah," Lisa nodded. "How many days is your cycle?"
"Um," I shrugged. "It always changes, like this time I got it two days early, I think. But…like 25 days mostly, if you kinda plus or minus like two days."
I kinda hoped that made sense because I'd never really tracked my menstrual cycle very closely. I had a little calendar in one of my school folders from last spring and I'd gone through it and circled every twenty-five days for the whole year, mostly cause I'd been bored, but I knew my period wasn't ever gonna come on exactly those days, you know? It was always a day or two early, or a day or two late and so my calendar was pretty useless after the first month or two.
"So assume the worst and you're period is coming, um…two weeks from Tuesday, let's say," Lisa was figuring it out. " That makes it easy, back up fourteen days and that means you could be ovulating the day after tomorrow."
"How do you know it's fourteen days?" Steve asked.
"I could be ovulating right now," I realized, if my period was like three or four days early, cause that happened once in awhile.
"It's always fourteen days before her menses starts," Lisa said. "It doesn't matter how long her cycle is. Believe me, I had to take reproductive histology before they'd let me graduate."
"Reproductive who?" I giggled, but now I was sorta worried. I thought I had like another week before I was really fertile. I'd let two boys cum inside me!
"I thought it was always like two weeks after her period stopped," Steve said and he was looking for a way out, same as me and we both looked at Lisa.
"No," she shook her head. "People think that because they assume a 28 day cycle, so ovulation occurs on day fifteen…counting from the first day of the last period, remember? But a cycle can be anywhere from three to five weeks depending on the girl, so you have to count backwards to get the real date."
"That doesn't help though," I was getting confused. "I don't even know when my period is coming!"
"But she said she's early sometimes," Steve scratched his head and I think he was feeling frustrated. I know I was. Lisa seemed to know as much about making babies as me and my brother did about making cars, but that wasn't really comforting just then.
"Yeah," Lisa frowned. "She's probably not ovulating though. Ann would have be really early, but she can't start birth control until we know for sure."
"Birth control?" Steve's mouth fell open.
"You mean pills?" I blinked at her.
"Well…" Lisa spoke slowly. "That's what you want, right?"
"Ann can't take birth control pills!" Steve said. "Pops will kill her! Me too!"
"So…Condoms then," Lisa shrugged. "Get a bunch and keep them in your purse."
"I don't have a purse." I almost smiled.
"She can't do that either!" Steve was sorta freaking out.
"She's sexually active, Steve." Lisa looked at my brother, talking like I wasn't even there. "You can't lock her away and I don't think she's going to want to stop."
"She has to stop," Steve said. "She can't…She's not a slut!"
"A slut?" I made a face at my brother but he was looking at Lisa.
"Being careful doesn't make a girl a slut," Lisa sighed. "She's old enough to have sex, so she's old enough to be responsible. That's what birth control is. Being responsible for her body."
"I don't know about that," Steve shook his head. "Just because she's old enough to do it…"
"How old does she have to be?" Lisa asked him. "You're twenty-one, Steve, how responsible were you last night?"
"What?" Steve frowned and his face reddened a little.
"You had sex with her, what? Three times? Four?" Lisa was definitely a different person with my brother than she was with me. "You probably want to do it again tonight, right?"
"Well…" Steve swallowed hard.
"And if she can't trust you…" Lisa said with a little lift of her hands. "See? She has to take care of herself, because nobody else will. Not even you."
"I'm gonna get birth control pills?" I asked Lisa, or maybe I was asking Steve, but it looked like all the fight had gone out of him for the moment. Lisa was right and he knew it.
"After we're sure you're not pregnant," Lisa said. "And you're not," she reassured me. "You can't worry about that."
"But I could be," I frowned, wondering how in the heck I wasn't supposed to worry.
"Well…" she shrugged. "Anyway, you finish this cycle and after your next period we'll go to the health clinic, you and me. Okay?"
"I have to see a doctor?" I really didn't want to ask Dr. Ryan for birth control pills! She'd tell Daddy for sure.
"In Beaverton, yeah," Lisa nodded. "I'll make an appointment for you with my doctor. She's a gynecologist and really nice. You'll like her."
"Okay," I looked at Steve. "That's okay, right?"
"Yeah," he agreed and cleared his throat. "I guess it has to be."
"I just don't want her to go through what I did," Lisa hugged Steve and they were looking at each other. "She's going to be fine. We'll make sure of that, right?"
"Right," Steve agreed reluctantly, but I could tell he wasn't happy.
I wasn't sure what he was so unhappy about. If it was the idea of me being on birth control like some kind of teenage slut, or if it was the fact that I was letting boys fuck me for real now. Probably he thought that made me a slut too, but I knew I wasn't. I'd seen the look in Jared's eyes and that made all the difference. A real slut wouldn't care, right? She'd just want that hard cock and not worry about who it was attached to, but that wasn't me. I'd liked those two boys a lot and even if they had the best dicks in the world, I wouldn't have let them near me if I hadn't liked Jared and Ben first. At least, that's what I was telling myself and it sorta made sense.
"Where's your dirty clothes?" I asked Lisa and Steve. "I'm gonna wash them."
"At midnight?" Steve narrowed his eyes and I just laughed. I think he was worried I was gonna hook up with my new boyfriends again.
Someone else was working the lobby by the time I was ready to do laundry. He was older and heavyset with frizzy red hair and I figured he must be the scarecrow's dad. He just smiled at me and probably wondered why I was washing clothes in the middle of the night, but I couldn't sleep. I was wound up too tightly. The swim had relaxed me, and the sex too, sorta, but my little revelation in the shower, and then talking with Steve and Lisa…I was gonna take birth control pills? That was so weird! And Lisa had been sure about it too, like arguing Steve down, which was something you didn't see everyday.
Steve was my oldest brother and so he generally had his way with everyone else, except Daddy. He definitely had his way with his girlfriends…Or he used to, I corrected myself with a grin. Lisa Haven wasn't like all those other girls that he'd dated just long enough to drop their panties and then drop them. Lisa was the woman Steve had been looking for. I mean, she was beautiful, yeah. Lisa's body was hard and firm all over and Steve liked that. But she was smart too and strong willed when she wanted to be. I hadn't seen a lot of that, but I could sense it and Steve had seen it for sure. Lisa was only submissive when she wanted to be and then only with certain people. With everyone else she was independent and assertive and that was way cool.
Steve was in love!
If only Lisa knew how to fix a motorcycle, I thought. She'd be perfect and I started wondering if I couldn't teach her. Steve could come home after work and find Lisa all hot and sweaty, covered with oil like that girl on the internet he'd liked so much. Heh! He'd probably throw her down on the floor and fuck her in the garage if that happened! Well, he might do that anyway, for all I knew. Still…I was sitting on the washing machine, feeling it throb and thrum beneath my butt, and thinking how maybe I could find a motorcycle for Lisa. Something cool like an old Triumph maybe or even a Harley, and I could get her to help me rebuild it and then just give it to her after we were done.
Like a wedding present! I laughed and if someone had seen me just then they mighta thought I was nuts! Giving Lisa a motorcycle for her wedding gift, that was insanely cool! Especially if she helped build it. I'd kinda like to see her all dirty myself, actually, and that was a fun thought too. Like seeing Lisa naked and sweaty and laying back on an old Indian with her legs spread? Yeah, I'd do her! I'd do her on her wedding day even, and that was a bad thought! But fun anyway, just cause it was all fantasy and that washer was vibrating hard! They shoulda mounted it better, I thought, but right then I didn't mind. My brain was on the spin cycle too.
And then I realized I didn't even know when the wedding was going to be! Steve and Lisa hadn't said and nobody had asked, so far as I knew. That made me frown because I hadn't even found a motorcycle to chop yet, and it was definitely gonna be a custom job, so that would take a little while. I started wondering if I wouldn't have to get my brothers in on it. But not Steve, of course. We had to surprise him too. Nah, I decided. I wanted it to just be my present to Lisa…and her gift to Steve too, since it would seriously be cool for my brother!
See? I couldn't even pick out a wedding gift without making it complicated! That's how bad I was, but at least I knew I was a girl now. Sorta…And that made me frown.
What if I was pregnant? God! That would be like the end of the world. I was just fourteen and Daddy wouldn't kill me, not really, but knowing how unhappy he'd be…I couldn't do that to him. Why was I so dumb? I knew where babies came from!
I wasn't pregnant though, I knew that. It was complete denial, of course, and I had no proof. But I couldn't be pregnant. Stuff like that didn't happen to me. It happened to other girls. Lisa didn't think I was pregnant anyway and she was a real nurse. She'd been to college and nursing school and everything, so she would know, right? Except Lisa wasn't perfect, was she? She'd been pregnant once herself. I didn't know all the details, but it must have happened when she was still in high school or just before she went to college maybe. So when she was eighteen? A senior in high school probably and having sex even though she was a preacher's daughter. Or maybe because of it?
I didn't know anything except that her dad was kinda out there. The Minister Haven and his daughter didn't seem to get along so well and that wasn't just cause she'd gotten knocked up, was it? I didn't think so. Probably it started before then and who knows, maybe Lisa had decided to have sex just because she was mad at her dad. I'd heard of girls doing stuff like that before. Like saying, 'I'll show him!' and then doing something they knew was wrong. Jane did that, I knew, so why not Lisa when she was like seventeen and wanting to get out from under her dad's thumb? I guess getting pregnant had done that all right, considering the girl had left home and not come back for seven years.
That was all pretty heavy thinking and it didn't make me feel any better about my situation. Lisa had gotten an abortion. What would I do? Would Daddy make me do something like that? Is that what had happened to Lisa? It had sorta sounded that way to me. Like Lisa hadn't had any choice in the matter, you know? What would my dad do? I couldn't even imagine him telling me I had to kill my baby. But I couldn't imagine having a baby either.
I wasn't pregnant, I decided. There was no way. Probably my period would come late anyway, so I couldn't be ovulating. I'd been in a swimming pool too, so all that chlorine woulda killed the sperm, wouldn't you think? Isn't that what chlorine does? Kill germs and bacteria and stuff? How tough could sperm cells be, I wondered. How long did they live? What if there was some way up inside me, like I'd never be able to get it out? What if Ben and Jared's cum was in there waiting for my body to be ready? A day or two days…Could sperm live like three days inside me? God! I was thinking too much now! Way too much and I wished I wouldn't.
I didn't have sex that night with Steve or Lisa. I just laid next to them, pretending to be asleep while they did it. That was weird and it did make my nipples itch and my pussy wet, but I didn't do anything. Except worry. I'd wanted to ask Lisa about sperm and how long it stayed inside a girl and all that, but I was afraid she'd say, 'Oh yeah, sperm lives for a week! It gets way up in your uterus and just waits to ambush your eggs!' God! That would totally suck, so I didn't ask. I just prayed I wasn't pregnant. I was making deals, you know? I even promised God I'd never have sex again, but I suspect He knew I didn't mean that one.
If I got pregnant though, that might be the one deal I'd actually keep. My daddy would see to that! He'd be so mad…Me and Steve would have to move to Africa or something. I didn't want to live in Africa! I wanted to build cars! I'd be the only pregnant fourteen year old mechanic in Washington. Maybe the whole country and I finally fell asleep wondering if Mr. Sawyer would put that picture on his wall.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"…Okay mom, he'll be there in a little bit," Lisa was saying goodbye and a few seconds later she hung up the phone.
"So…What are we doing?" Steve wondered and it had been kind of a long morning already, even though it was just after nine.
"I'm going to take Miss Russet shopping…" Lisa smiled at me and then looked at her fiancé, "…and you are going to spend the morning with my mother."
"What?" I laughed and Steve just stared at the woman.
"My dad is out of the house," Lisa explained. "He does visitations on Monday's, so mom is home by herself. You get go over and keep her company, okay?"
"Uh…By myself?" Steve looked decidedly nervous.
"Yeah, by yourself!" Lisa laughed. "She's really nice, you'll be fine. She already knows we're serious, so she wants to get to know you."
"But…You should be there and…" Steve protested.
"Maybe," Lisa shrugged and she was clearly enjoying this, "but this will be good too."
"I don't think, uh…This isn't how we do it in Squinosha," Steve said slowly.
"Awww…" Lisa was giving him a hug. "You're so big and strong! You're not afraid of my little old mom, are you?"
"Well…" Steve chuckled and made a face. "Isn't every man afraid of his mother-in-law?"
"Then be different," Lisa kissed him on the cheek. "Break the mold. I'll give you a call when we're done shopping, okay?"
"Yeah, okay, ummm…" Steve looked at me and I just shrugged. I had no idea what was going on.
"Go on," Lisa gave him a little push. "She's waiting. Probably wants to put you to work fixing something. My dad can't tell a hammer from a nail."
"Oh," Steve nodded and maybe that made him feel a little better, since fixing something sounded a whole lot better than talking probably did.
"Bye!" I gave him a wave and a little laugh and Steve gave me a dirty look and then a smile.
"Miss Russet, um…" Lisa smiled at me and dropped her eyes and I was thinking I should make her take off that collar. It was hers though, I'd made the rule, and she could wear it as she pleased.
"What? Just say it…" I laughed, wondering how she could make my brother do something he didn't want to do one minute, and then be ready to kiss my feet the next.
She blushed then, like I half-knew she would. We hadn't been alone a whole lot, just her and me, and now Lisa was having some wicked thoughts.
"Before we go shopping, um…" Lisa's blue eyes flicked upward just long enough to see that I was watching her. "Would you like me to do…Anything for you?"
I wasn't exactly sure what the shopping thing was about, but I understood the rest of it well enough. That was Lisa's way of telling me that she wanted to have sex. As soon as my brother was gone, she was all over it and I wondered for the millionth time if any of this was a real good idea. But Lisa was so pretty standing there and I'd listened to her and Steve going at it the night before, feeling myself getting aroused by the sounds and smells, and the bouncing of the bed…God! Okay, so what if I didn't have a lot of self-discipline? It wasn't like she was making it easy for me!
"I want you to lick me," I said, feeling my heart picking up speed because it was all downhill from there.
"Yessss…" Lisa breathed and she was already starting to undress, unbuttoning the blouse she wore above her jeans, those tight designer ones that showed off her wonderful legs and gorgeous ass.
"And, um…I want to lick you too," I told her. "The same time, okay?"
"You want to sixty-nine with me, Miss Russet?" Lisa asked and she was using that little girl voice of hers, glancing at me through her long blonde bangs. I didn't understand how she could reverse our real roles so quickly and easily, but Lisa always did.
"Yeah," I agreed, licking my lips as I saw her lacy white bra come into view, sexy and tight against her ripe breasts.
I didn't undress at all. I just watched Lisa as she stripped for me slowly. I stared at her stomach, those small muscles she had there, getting tight for a second and then relaxing as she removed her pants. Those long, toned legs of hers were awesome, smooth and pale like the rest of her. She stood up in her underwear, the woman's panties all white and lace and matching her bra. She smiled shyly and reached behind her while I watched those beautiful tits falling free, the hard nipples pointing out and up and begging for a kiss. Lisa's body was perfect, a full grown woman's body and so unlike mine or my friends. Even Jane, who I found almost breathtaking, wasn't like Lisa. Jane was soft and delicate, but Lisa was firm and strong. They were both beautiful, but in very different ways.
"Undress me now," I said softly, staring at the already moist, pink mouth between Lisa's thighs.
"Yes, Miss Russet," Lisa whispered and her fingers were trembling with excitement as she unbuttoned the flannel shirt I was wearing.
I was naked beneath it and my nipples were already hard when Lisa slipped my shirt from my shoulders. She folded it and laid it on the nearby dresser before kneeling so that she could remove my jeans. I just watched her and smiled and wondered how I could own a woman like Lisa, because that's how it felt. How she wanted it to feel for both of us. Lisa was undressing me and she kissed my tummy and then the top of my sex as she pulled my boxers down with my pants. She kissed my clit, which was just starting to wake up, and I felt it tingle and the juices were flowing inside me now.
I was going to be a girl, I'd decided. I could have gotten my dildo out and fucked her. I could have made Lisa suck it like it was a real cock and then fucked her in the ass if I wanted to. She wouldn't say no to anything. But I wanted to feel her mouth on my pussy and I wanted to lick hers. I wanted to make love with her as a girl and be myself. My new, real self and maybe I wanted to be different from Steve too. He'd fucked her, but my brother had no choice but to make love like a boy. He was a real man and I was a real girl and I wanted to make sure Lisa knew it…Or maybe I just wanted to make sure I knew it.
We kissed, Lisa and I both naked on the bed, and she was so much older than me. Taller and more mature, the woman could have dominated me easily, but she didn't. Lisa followed my lead and whatever I wanted to do with her, she was content with it. I was on top of her, my legs spread so that my knees straddled her narrow waist and my tits were pressed against hers. I was rubbing my sex across her tummy and my small tongue was inside her mouth. Lisa's hands roamed my back and down to my butt, massaging my ass and pulling me against her while we made out. I could feel her hard nipples against mine and I was moving my body so that they would rub together, our swollen nubs teasing and tickling and aching for more.
It was very different kissing a girl than kissing a boy. Lisa was softer, it seemed to me. Her mouth amazingly sweet and fresh and wet inside. My saliva was spilling off my tongue and she'd swallow it eagerly while we moaned and moved together. Our hands couldn't stay still and both of us were exploring each other gently, pushing and pulling, or sometimes just caressing whatever parts of each other we could reach. It was fucking of a different kind, without the violent penetration of a cock and the urgent thrusts of desire. Everything we felt and wanted was translated into something more subtle, but no less aggressive. We were demanding, myself more than Lisa perhaps, but only because she wanted to be the more passive and yielding partner in our lovemaking.
After several long minutes I pushed myself up and smiled at the woman as I moved along her prone form. I brought my pussy to Lisa's mouth, seeing her eyes shining with lust as I looked down my body. Just beneath the thin veil of my light pubic hair I could see her mouth open, and then her long pink tongue was reaching for my sex. I gasped and my pussy gave a small spasm of anticipation when I felt her kiss. Lisa held my hips and I stroked her silky hair while she began to pleasure me. Her tongue worked the furrow between my labia slowly, until they grew swollen and dripping with the juices that leaked from my hole. My clit was thrumming and when Lisa found it between her pursed lips I yelped and arched my back, surrendering to the beautiful rush of my orgasm.
Lisa was working my pussy harder then, as she knew I was cumming and wanted to bring me off completely in her hungry mouth. She took my lips between her teeth, chewing them gently and sucking urgently at the raw flesh of my cunt. I rocked my hips, unable to do anything else but grind my pussy against her face. The wetness was running freely from me, my little pussy actually squirting my girlish cum so that Lisa's face was wet all over with my juices. I held her head tightly and shuddered, confused with the wonderfully strange experience of being too sensitive to the pleasure I was feeling, and yet somehow wishing it would never end. My whole body seemed to throb and vibrate with the electricity of my orgasm and it only slowly dissolved into the fire burning in my belly.
Once I was calmed and caught my breath, I moved again, determined to give Lisa the same pleasure she'd given me. I was still on top of her, but now we were in a sixty-nine and I was looking down at her pretty pussy. I felt her breath and then her lips once more on my sex and I had to fight the sensations Lisa's mouth delivered. I rubbed her pussy with my fingers, marveling at how beautiful a woman's cunt could be. Her skin was soft and pale around it, but her labia were dark now, swollen with excited blood and between them, inside her, I could see the pink of her pussy opening like a flower. Her clitoris was pink as well; larger than mine, but still small as it peeked from the intricate folds of flesh surrounding it. I thumbed it lightly and smiled as it grew even more stiff, begging for attention.
I rubbed her pussy with a finger sliding lengthwise between her lips and bent my mouth to kiss Lisa's horny clit. I felt her body jerk and a low moan tickled my own pussy before her tongue stabbed softly between the walls of my cunt. I tried to ignore the pleasure and suck Lisa's clit into my mouth, tickling it with my tongue and washing that tender nub of flesh until Lisa was lifting her butt off the bed. It was good for her, I knew, and I mouthed her clitoris for a moment or two before dragging my tongue lower. I wriggled it over her hole and then inside, trying to do to Lisa what she'd been doing to me. But her tongue was longer than mine and I couldn't get nearly so deep into the woman's sex as I wanted to.
We licked and sucked and mouth fucked each other for a long while. Lisa came for me at least once and I noted the sudden sharp tang of her orgasm curling my tongue. I had my face deep between her spread thighs then and Lisa pressed her legs against my cheeks while she came. I could barely breathe, but I didn't care. I was sucking her pussy, taking as much of her wanton sex as I could get into my mouth. I worked my tongue around it fast and hard, rubbing and licking and caressing her sensitive flesh while I drew her fuck juices into my throat and swallowed them down eagerly. My nose was pressed against her anus and even there Lisa's skin was buttery soft and warm, and I inhaled the sweaty musk of her body with pleasure. I was swimming in the girl, drowning in the joy of loving her as best I knew how.
I was cumming again as well and Lisa did to me what I'd done to her. She had my pussy in her generous mouth, my entire vulva it seemed to me, and there was no part of my cunt that wasn't being kissed and nibbled and sucked upon. I was hot and flushed, and damp with sweat. My eyes were wet with the effort of containing the experience. I'd been crying and smiling and panting like an animal trapped in the throes of ecstasy. We'd both cum hard and once again my foggy brain remarked on how much different this was than being with a boy. No better or worse, but only different and I knew I needed both of them to be complete.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"We're going to come back here after shopping, right?" I asked Lisa as she dried me off.
We'd showered together after our sex and Lisa had washed me thoroughly, determined to spoil her fourteen year old Mistress, and I'd let her. Now she was drying me off and later Lisa would dress me if I wanted her to. It might have been funny if the woman wasn't so entirely serious about all of it, and I did have to admit that it felt really awesome having her wash my hair! I liked that a lot, but I didn't know why. Lisa washed my body as well, like everywhere, you know? But the luxury of having a beautiful woman washing my hair was so…intimate somehow. It was weird.
"Yeah," Lisa agreed. "We'll call Steve to come pick us up here."
"Okay," I smiled. "I want you to wear that red thong."
"Miss Russet?" Lisa blinked at me and I'd never tried this with her before.
"Your red thong, the one with the lace in the front," I told her. "I saw it in your suitcase. Wear that…"
"Alright," Lisa agreed with a little blush.
"…and those white shorts," I grinned at her. "The ones you work out in, you brought those too, right?"
"The polyester ones?" Lisa's blues eyes got a little bigger. "They're so…Thin!"
"I know!" I giggled and she was really getting red now. Usually she wore those shorts over her blue leotard. "You can wear one of my t-shirts. The one with the sparkplug on it."
"But that's…" Lisa swallowed hard and dropped her eyes. "Yes, Miss Russet."
"Too small?" I grinned at her.
It was a small t-shirt. I mean, it fit me pretty good, but Lisa was probably like a size 34C with like a twenty-two inch waist, I thought. No problem there, but her tits were gonna stretch my poor t-shirt something fierce! And I made her put it on first, just cause it was so cool seeing her braless tits pushing the white cotton out so hard that it her nipples were perfectly defined. It was crazy sexy and she looked like she belonged in a strip club or something, you know? There was no way Lisa could walk around downtown Klamath Falls, her hometown, looking like that!
Was there?
"The thong now," I said and Lisa was so pink with embarrassment that it was making my pussy itch! "And the shorts…Go on…Pull them up tight…" I said a minute later, watching as Lisa obeyed me slowly.
Her shorts were pretty tight anyway, cause they were supposed to be, and they weren't really see-through or anything…But that thong was red! It was plain as day underneath those shorts and it split her butt cheeks enough so her shorts were riding even tighter than usual back there, defining the woman's ass perfectly. Some men were going to have serious neck injuries from whiplash when they saw her!
"Let me help…" I breathed, stepping close and I pressed my hand against Lisa's crotch. I worked my fingers between her pussy lips like I was trying to push her shorts inside her sex.
"Ohhh…God!" Lisa gasped and she was wet!
I stepped back and I could see the shape of her pussy just fine. There was a red triangle where the thong was and then beneath that, I could see her excited pussy lips being split wide apart. One was on the left of the seam and her other labia was pinched up on the right, and they were totally unmistakable! I could even see her clit, maybe, if I tried really hard and used a bit of imagination. That was unbelievable and I knew Lisa was just praying that I was fooling around. She wanted me to be teasing her, like after a few minutes I'd let her change into something more modest, more normal for a small town like the one we were in.
"That's awesome!" I smiled and I grabbed my boxers and started pulling them on. "Let me get dressed and then we'll go."
"B-But…Miss Russet…" Lisa stared at me and she was literally shaking, and only part of it was from the fear that I was serious. The rest was pure excitement.
She thrived on stuff like that and we both knew it. Like at school? When Lisa fooled around with me and there was a possibility that we could get caught, however small the chance was, that was what got her off. If she thought we couldn't play games like that just because we were four hundred miles away from home, well…She had another thing coming! Or should I say, cumming? I seriously thought she was gonna cream before we got out the door!
"If you don't want to do it," I said gently, "just take off your collar."
"Ohhhh…" she closed her eyes and maybe she was actually thinking about it.
"I won't be mad, Lisa," I told her. "I promise. But I told you before, if you wear it…I'm gonna use it, right?"
"Yessss…" she hissed and I knew then that she wasn't going to take it off.
"It's gonna be so cool seeing all the guys checking you out," I giggled, just rubbing it in while I dressed myself. "Girls too, probably. They'll all be talking about you tonight. You grew up here, right?"
"Y-Yes, Miss Russet," Lisa's eyes were tightly shut and she was flushing all over.
"Probably some people are gonna remember you, huh?" I laughed a little more. "The minister's daughter walking around like that…Ohhh…I wish I had a leash."
"Wha-What…Oh please…" Lisa was really getting off and it was so weird! She was rubbing her thighs, like she really wanted to rub her pussy, but she didn't dare. When I mentioned her minister father though, that was a really good pill for Lisa, I could tell.
"Maybe we should stop by a hardware store first," I said like it was just for me. "Or a pet store. They got one of those here? I'll walk you around like a dog, how would that be? Maybe your dad will see us, wouldn't that be cool?"
"Ohhh no…M-Miss Russet…" she was almost there.
"Rub your cunt for me," I told her. "Let me see it…Cum for me or I'll make you do it on the street…"
"Yessss…Oh God yes!…Ah…Uh-huh…" Lisa's hands went between her legs and I watched as she bent her knees and just started grinding her cunt against her hands.
Lisa came quickly, after less than a minute of frantic rubbing and she just kinda stumbled back a few feet and sat on the bed gasping and nodding her head, fucking herself through those tight shorts and that lacy thong. It was really hot and I wished Steve was there to see it. Or Jane! How crazy would that have been? Jane would have gotten off the same way probably, well, I'd have had to actually take Jane outside before she'd cum, I thought. But the principle was the same, right? Lisa and Jane were a lot alike and that was pretty cool.
I was moist and feeling pretty ready for some more sex as I watched Lisa getting off, but probably we had to get going. I still wasn't exactly sure what we were going shopping for, but I was adding a leash to the list. Even if we never got to use it outside of the bedroom, it would be enough for Lisa just to know I had one to clip onto her collar. That would really get her off.
"Oh God…Thank you, Miss Russet," Lisa was smiling like she was on Cloud Nine, mostly lying on the bed now that her orgasm was fading.
"That was pretty crazy," I giggled. "I wasn't sure you'd like it."
"Yeah," Lisa stuck her tongue out and giggled as well. She looked sixteen right then, I swear.
"You better change clothes now," I told her. "What are we going shopping for anyway?"
"Huh? Oh, um…A dress," Lisa licked her lips and her eyes were nervous. "For you."
"Me?" I blinked at her. "A dress? Like…You mean so your dad will be okay with me?"
"Do you mind?" Lisa bit her lip. "We don't have to, but…"
"But yeah, I understand," I nodded slowly. "I just…Um, I never bought a dress before." I laughed and wondered how I felt about it. "Do I have to get shoes too?"
"Well," Lisa laughed. "I think so."
"Oh," I looked down at myself and remembered all my supposed clarity from the night before. "I guess, yeah…Okay. As long as it's kind of a…you know, a cool dress and everything."
"Yeah," Lisa let out a deep breath, like a sigh of relief that I wasn't mad, I suppose. "We'll find a really cool dress for you."
"This is gonna be so weird!" I laughed and my heart was all over the charts with nervous excitement.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"You, um…You weren't really going to make me wear those clothes," Lisa asked me quietly as we walked down the main street. "Were you, Ann?"
She'd decided to take off her collar before we left the motel room, maybe because I'd told Lisa I really did intend to buy her a leash and she didn't want to tempt me. Lisa was back in her jeans and blouse, with clean underwear beneath and fresh makeup on her lovely face.
"Heh!" I grinned up at her and shrugged. "I dunno. Was I?"
"Oh God!" Lisa laughed nervously at that and we were looking at the stores as we passed them, but there didn't seem to be a whole lot of cool clothes to be had in Klamath Falls.
"Oh, hey…Hot Sprocket," Lisa said. "This used to be a big and tall men's shop."
"Not anymore," I was staring at the mannequins in the window. "You think your dad would freak out if I was wearing that?"
I was pointing at some kind of red vinyl mini-skirt thing that didn't look like it would hide very much, even on a small girl like me. The top was the same stuff, but it just wrapped around the mannequin's stomach and only sorta covered the breasts. Mostly I think it was just supposed to push them up and hide the nipples. Maybe. It had a zipper in the front and not much else to it. Some black fishnet stockings and high heeled bots completed the outfit and I was reminded of Monica's friend, Stacy. She'd look pretty good wearing something like that.
"Uhhh…Yeah," Lisa laughed. "That's pretty over-the-top. Let's go inside and see if they have anything normal."
"But cool," I reminded her.
I was actually kind of excited to be shopping for a dress and that was strange in itself. I just kept thinking of Jared and how much I'd like to send him a picture of me really looking like a girl. He'd never really seen me totally dressed, so Jared wouldn't know that I always looked like a boy. He didn't know anything about me and it was a funny feeling to think that I could almost be a whole new person just for him. If I really could start over, like be whoever and whatever I wanted to be, would I still want to be me? That was a way serious question and I was frightened by it.
"Hey there," a girl who liked like she graduated high school twenty minutes ago smiled at us. "Can I help you guys find something?"
She was dressed pretty cool and I had a feeling that business at the Hot Sprocket was probably kinda slow. In a big city like Seattle there were probably a lot of places like this, but in a little town like Klamath Falls? I tried to imagine a store like this in Beaverton and it was impossible, although I did have to admit they had an accessories place that sold nipple rings, so…Anything was possible.
Anyway, the girl was wearing a real clingy skirt, with a lot of thin red and white V-stripes that pointed towards her tummy in the front and her ass in the back, with all the V's meeting on the sides. She had a simple white halter top with a name tag pinned to it, and the whole thing looked pretty okay on her, and she was kind of a little hottie, actually. Black hair and a pretty face. Nice skin and great tits, small but right there too, and…Why was I checking this girl out? I turned away from her and that was just my guy brain, cause no matter what I was, I'd grown up a boy and I suppose part of me always would be. Except I didn't usually check girls out, so maybe that was my lesbian brain. Did I have one of those now?
So much for clarity.
"Yeah, we're looking for a dress," Lisa spoke up for me and even if I wasn't confused over the girl, I don't think I'd have had any idea how to ask for help finding a dress. I'd never wanted one before!
"For…" the girl, whose nametag said 'Cindy' was wagging her finger between me and Lisa.
"For me," I said. "Um…It's gotta be a cool one though."
"Well, yeah!" Cindy laughed softly. "Course it does! You want a real dress, or an ensemble, or…"
"Ensemble?" I narrowed my eyes. "What's that?"
"Like a skirt and blouse?" Cindy gave me a little smile like I should have known what she was talking about. "You know, mix and match…We have all kinds of flavors."
"A dress, I think," Lisa was looking at me. "Something modest-sexy, you know?"
"Hmmm…" Cindy was looking at me too and I was starting to blush.
This wasn't such a good idea. I didn't know anything about dresses or ensembles, or any of that junk. I felt like an imposter, you know? And worse, I felt like that Cindy girl knew I didn't belong in that store. I was wearing jeans and work boots and a flannel shirt. With my short hair combed back, I looked like a thirteen year old boy. A modest-sexy dress? I didn't even know what in the heck that meant!
"What if I just got like a suit?" I asked Lisa and I was only sorta joking. "I could get a tie and everything and…"
"Annie," Lisa grinned at me and Cindy kinda gave me a look like she wasn't sure I was even a girl.
The salesgirl showed us a bunch of different dresses, but either they were too sexy or else they were too modest, or mostly they were just too ugly. I tried on a couple dresses though. One was a peach colored sundress that was pretty nice and modest enough, even if it was kinda thin, but Lisa said it was supposed to be light that way. The problem was that I looked like a boy in a dress, even with my smallish breasts sticking out so that my pierced nipples were obvious. That dress was real thin!
"I look like a boy with tits," I frowned at my reflection in the mirror.
"Well…yeah," Cindy sorta smiled apologetically and she really didn't know what to say to that.
"Stand up straighter," Lisa suggested. "You're standing like a bully on the playground. Come on, kind of…tilt your hips…maybe…"
I really didn't know how to wear a dress and I hadn't imagined it would be so hard. It hadn't seemed this difficult when I'd been twelve, but I was feeling frustrated and my hands were little fists, and I did look like I wanted to punch someone. This shopping business kinda sucked.
"You should grow your hair out," Cindy suggested, as if that was helpful and I ignored her.
"Okay," Lisa said, like half an hour and four stupid dresses later. "What if we try something else? You guys have pleated skirts?"
"Oh yeah…" Cindy was all too happy to show us every kind of pleated skirt imaginable. Silly me, I thought a pleat was a pleat…
"And a sweater? Some kind of knit top, like yellow? That would look nice…" Lisa was doing all the talking and I was ready to go back to the motel room and see if they had any decent racing on ESPN2.
The good thing was that we were the only two customers in there and except for a phone call, Cindy, Lisa, and me could shop uninterrupted. But maybe that wasn't a good thing for me. When I wanted clothes I went to the boy's department at Wal-Mart. I grabbed some jeans, some socks, some boxers maybe, and I was done. Ten minutes in and out. This was like a nightmare.
"Let me see," Lisa said and I came out of the changing room for about the twelfth time. "Hey, that looks pretty good. How does it feel?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "Kinda funny around the waist."
"You need panties," Lisa decided as she kinda tugged the skirt over the waistband of my boxers. Cindy almost giggled, but that was because she thought I wasn't wearing any underwear, probably.
I walked to the mirrors and I was wearing a black skirt, with pleats of course, but it was like a shiny black so that when it moved the fabric caught the light and shimmered, just a little. That was pretty cool. It was tight around my hips and my butt too, I guess, and then loosened up as the skirt fell about an inch above my knees. It looked nice. The top was like a t-shirt, but not made out of cotton. It was some kind of stretchy stuff and black like the skirt, but with a bunch of different colored dots all over it. There wasn't any real pattern and it was kind of hypnotic. I know it doesn't sound really nice, but it looked pretty cool, actually. It was long too, so the shirt covered the waistband of the skirt. They looked good together, I had to admit, and for some reason I looked kind of good wearing that outfit.
"That looks really cool," Cindy said and I believed her. "It goes with your hair too. Kinda punk almost. You ever think of dying your hair at all?"
"No," I shook my head. "Like black you mean?"
"Black would be cool," she shrugged. "But like pink or blue maybe, like your eyes?"
"Oh," I giggled and didn't really answer her.
"You should get some stockings." Cindy was just full of suggestions.
"I should?" I was feeling a little better, sorta. I'd found a dress, or was it an ensemble? Whatever it was, it looked nice on me. "What color?"
"Any color," Cindy smiled. "Just match them with the dots or go with black. That'll work."
"Hmmm…" I looked down at my top. Blue, red, yellow…She couldn't be serious about that, but black might be okay. Except I didn't want to look like I was going to a funeral either.
"No," Lisa disagreed. "You don't need any stockings. You're fine like that."
"You sure?" I was looking down at my legs and they looked pretty pale beneath all that black.
"Yeah," Lisa grinned at me. "I'm sure."
"Hey, your ears aren't pierced, are they?" Cindy asked me and I shook my head. "We do piercings, put like little studs in your ears. I got some black ones, they're like sapphires. That would go good with your outfit."
"Pierce my ears?" I reached for my right earlobe instinctively and looked at Lisa. She just shrugged, so I guess it was up to me.
"Yeah," Cindy agreed. "It's only $19.95 and just takes a minute."
"Does it hurt?" I wondered, but mostly I was really trying to figure out if I wanted my ears pierced or not. That was like a permanent thing, you know? A dress I could put on and take off whenever I wanted, but…I guess earrings were the same way, but still…Getting my ears pierced? That was really…girly!
"No, uh-huh," Cindy shook her head. "Just a little pinch. We got different kinds too, but the studs work good for virgins."
"Oh," I kinda smiled at that.
"I mean, you know…" Cindy giggled. "Your ears."
"Yeah, um…I don't really know," I looked at Lisa. "You think I should pierce my ears?"
"It's up to you, Ann," Lisa said. "I think it would look nice, but you'd have to leave them in for awhile otherwise the holes close back up quick."
"Yeah, a couple weeks," Cindy agreed. "You can change earrings though, just so long as you have something in there."
"So like at school and football?" I laughed and shook my head. "Nah, I can't go to my first game wearing earrings."
"You play football?" Cindy grinned at me and I shrugged with a little nod. "That's way cool!"
"Yeah, it is," I giggled.
"You got a boyfriend and everything?" she asked and Lisa was just smiling at us. I really didn't know what she was thinking.
"No, not really," I said. "I have a couple girlfriends though."
"Oh shit," Cindy sorta dropped her eyes like she was looking over some imaginary glasses at me. "Ah, sorry…I'm not supposed to swear, but…Okay. That's pretty cool."
"Yeah," I laughed, enjoying this conversation more and more. "This is my first dress."
"I can tell," Cindy stuck the tip of her tongue out. "You look good though. I mean, you looked good before too, I just…well…yeah."
She was blushing and we were both smiling.
"Hey, I know where there's a party tonight if you want to go," Cindy said. "Some friends of mine are having it. I gotta close up at six and then after that I can pick you up or whatever."
"Oh, um…" I glanced at Lisa.
"Well, of course your sister can come too," Cindy smiled at Lisa. "It's cool. I know everybody there, it'll be fun."
"My sister?" I giggled. "Lisa's one of my girlfriends. We're not related or anything."
"Oh fuck, sorry…" Cindy got really red and it was cute. "I didn't mean you and me or, uh…like we'd be together…just…"
"It's cool," I smiled. "We're probably gonna be busy, but thanks anyway."
"I'm gonna make sure we're busy," Lisa giggled, sliding her arm around my back and then cupping my right breast and giving me a really obvious squeeze.
"Uhhh…" Cindy just nodded.
After I'd changed back into my normal boy clothes and we were at the checkout counter paying for everything, Cindy gave me one of the store's business cards.
"Here…" she was writing on it. "That's my celphone, you know, in case you change your mind or whatever."
"Okay," I shrugged. "Thanks."
"It's gonna be a good party anyway and you guys can definitely come together," Cindy smiled at Lisa. "Nobody's gonna give you a hard time or anything. They're all anarchists anyway."
"Anarchists, huh?" Lisa laughed. "I probably know half of them."
"Really?" Cindy didn't know what that meant. Lisa hadn't said anything about being born and raised in that town and I'd told Cindy we were just visiting.
"Yeah," Lisa looked at me. "Ready to get some shoes?"
"I guess," and I gave Cindy one last look before we left. She was still pretty hot and I thought she was at least a little curious about me. But I was with Lisa, so… "I really gotta control myself," I giggled and Lisa just grinned at me.