Girl Fag 13
Unless you've been really fucked hard in your butt, you probably don't know what I'm talking about. But if you have, then you know how I was feeling Thursday morning. I'd taken a shower of course, right after my morning workout with Coach, like I usually did. I've always been a clean person anyway, not real crazy clean, but when you spend your whole life working in a garage you appreciate soap. Know what I mean?
Even so, it felt like my tight little ass was still being stretched, but it was empty too, and that is a weird feeling. I was sore, yeah, and I'd even had a little blood, just a tiny bit, probably because I'd been so tight when Coach had first pushed his big dick inside me without any lube. But I wasn't as sore as I'd been after that first time with Steve, or again the very first time Coach and me had done it; I'd been real tender then.
Still, when you walk around after being screwed the way I was, you tend to walk a little funny. And then you think about how you're walking funny and you try not to, because maybe people are looking at you. That just makes it worse, because then you really are walking funny. I wondered if having sex in my vagina would feel like that, but I didn't want to try it just to find out.
Thank goodness I was still a virgin, and I still had my little cherry down there when the doctor had checked me out. I was pretty sure Daddy wanted to find out for certain if I was having sex or not, now at least he'd think I wasn't. I knew girls who had lost their virginity riding horses, or so they'd said. One girl, Beth Holt, had said she'd busted hers on a see-saw when she was like seven or something. I'm not sure my Daddy would believe a story like that. I hoped I wouldn't lose it playing football and if I didn't stop acting weird around Daddy, having Nancy Ryan put her fingers in my vagina might get to be a regular thing. That would suck.
Anyway, I was walking funny when I walked into my first class and sat down next to Matt. Sitting wasn't so bad, as long as I shifted my butt every now and again.
"What happened to you?" Matt asked me. All the kids were talking; waiting for our teacher to start with the school announcements and then we'd stand and say the Pledge of Allegiance, and then start our normal English class.
"What?" I was digging out my notebook.
"You got a limp or something," he started getting his out too.
"Oh, just a little sore," I shrugged and felt a little dumb for getting caught like that.
"You ready to come over tomorrow night?" Matt leaned a little closer, scraping his desk and chair on the floor.
"Um," I swallowed hard. "I don't think I can…" I started and paused, just cause I expected Matt to say something, but he didn't. So then I felt really awkward. "I have to talk with you about it, at lunch okay?"
Matt got kind of a dirty look on his face, but he didn't say anything. Then the teacher, Mrs. Vale, who was Jackie Vale's mom, was walking to the front of the class, so we had to pretty much be quiet anyway. I felt bad though, and I wanted to look at Matt, but I was afraid he'd be looking at me, so I just looked at the teacher and waited for class to end. I always like English, but it was a real easy class for me, so I was pretty bored usually.
Second period was about the same. I didn't sit next to Lance, since Mr. Carter, our chemistry teacher had us sitting in alphabetical order. He had a bad memory, or maybe his brain was just too full of elements and stuff to remember a person's name too, either way though we always sat in the same place. John was next to me though, since his last name was Relton and I was Russet.
There'd been a boy named Haley Robinson between us, but he'd been suspended for smoking on the very first day of school, so his parents just sent him to the Christian Fellowship School over in Beaverton instead. Nobody really missed Haley very much, he'd been a troublemaker since the fourth grade when his dad had married his babysitter, or something like that. Some people said she was Haley's cousin – On his dad's side, and everyone gave him a hard time about it anyway. He did act sorta inbred and we wondered if his mom had been his cousin too.
So, I told Lance and John both that I had to talk to them at lunch, about something important. I told John a little more, since he was sitting next to me anyway. Chemistry was in the lab, which meant we didn't have desks; we just had long black counters with glass beakers and Bunsen burners and junk on them. All the cool chemicals were locked up though; we'd just be taking notes that day. I sat on my stool, which was a little less comfortable than a desk chair cause it really made my butt feel like there should have been something in it, and John leaned a little closer, since he wasn't that far anyway.
"What do you wanna talk about at lunch?" he was asking in a whisper, since Mr. Carter was sort of a butthead about talking in class. But most of the teachers were, honestly.
"Shhh…" I held my finger to my lips and gave him a warning look.
"What?" he mouthed, holding his hands out like he was waiting.
"I can't go out with you," I barely breathed the words and at first I thought he didn't hear me well enough to understand.
But then his eyes got a little bigger. "Why?" he said a second later, and that was too loud.
"Excuse me," Mr. Carter held up his finger like he had a good idea. "It's my turn to talk, I think." He looked around and nobody said anything. "Now, if we seal the tube and apply heat, what will happen?"
"How come?" John had decided to whisper to me again, too bad for him, cause the teacher was just looking for someone to say something.
"Yes? Uhhh…" Mr. Carter had to look at his seating chart. "John? What will happen when we heat the tube?"
"Huh?" he'd still been looking at me and his face got red as he turned to face the teacher. "It'll uh, get hot?"
It was going to be a long class for John. Not only would he spend an hour wondering why I couldn't go out with him after I'd said I would, but Mr. Carter would be calling on him all the time to answer questions. And John was really bad at chemistry. I liked chemistry a lot, although just the lab stuff mostly, and I was awfully good at it. The written tests were a little harder, but they didn't count as much anyway. Mr. Carter believed in 'practical chemistry' whatever that meant and said a person could get nothing but C's on the written tests and still ace the class. I hoped he was right. Anyways, I felt sorry for John, but all I could do was sit there and take lazy notes and wait for the class to end.
Third period was study hall, a good class if there ever was one, and I usually spent it in the library. You could actually walk around the school during study hall too, so long as you were going to the bathroom, to the cafeteria, or to the library. I used that little bit of freedom to play my little joke on Nurse Haven that I mentioned before, and then spent the rest of the hour in the library, hiding in the natural history section, just in case she came looking for me. Somehow I doubted Miss Haven would though, more likely she'd stay locked in her office the rest of the day.
You'd think that if a 14 year old girl in the eighth grade of a rural middle school was going to break the law, it wouldn't be extortion. Shoplifting? Sure, it happens all the time I bet. Underage drinking? Hey, I'm guilty of that and so are all my friends. But blackmail…And actually, that thought hadn't really occurred to me, at least not consciously. I didn't contemplate what I'd ask for, or make the woman do, I swear.
Instead I thought of it as more of a prank, a way to get even for being kicked out of the boys locker room and stuck with a babysitter, cause that's what she was and everybody on the team knew it. I had no doubt that somebody would start razzing me about it soon, probably Brian Hades. He was always the first and loudest at making dumb jokes about other people, probably cause most kids wouldn't say anything back.
During lunch I finally had to face my three friends. I wondered if Steve had talked to Kyle yet. I'd wanted to call him the night before, but all my brothers had stuck close to me. Which was kind of nice, but kind of awkward too. Steve had come home late, but he always does. The rest of them, well Mark and David were mad at Greg and Henry, all four of them were mad at Scott, and Scott was mad at them too. Daddy was mad with Greg and Henry as well, and he'd given them a talking to, so of course they wanted to talk to me to compare stories, but they couldn't because Mark or David or Scott would always walk in on us, or call me away, or something. We couldn't even talk in our beds because Daddy had me sleeping in his room while he slept on the couch, which he liked doing sometimes anyway when there was a good movie on late at night. Last night they were showing The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly on TNT so of course Daddy was on the couch. And I was too tired to talk to my brothers anyway by that time.
"Why can't you come over tomorrow night?" Matt got the first question in and John wasn't far behind.
"How come we can't go out?" he was asking. "You said…"
"What about me?" Lance didn't want to get left out. "Are we still gonna do something together?"
We were about as alone as we could get in the cafeteria during lunch, which wasn't alone enough to suit me. Not with about a hundred kids around. At least we had our own table and we could hunch our heads together in the middle, but we always kept looking around. Lots of guys liked to come over and talk to one of us for one reason or another, just to say hi, or see what's going on, you know.
"Look, I went out with Kyle, okay?" I had no idea how to say what I was going to say, so I just said it. "And I liked it."
"So…?" Matt started, but I cut him off.
"So, I'm gonna keep going out with him. If he wants to…" I allowed. "…and I don't think going out with you guys would be a good idea. Seriously, I think we'd just end up fighting and stuff and I don't want that."
"So you're going to be Kyle's…Girlfriend?" Lance said it like he was spitting the word out.
"That's lame," John was staring at me. "You promised."
"I'm gonna call Kyle up," Matt was saying and he looked pretty mad.
"I know I promised. I'm sorry, okay? If you guys want to be mad at me, alright, be mad at me then, but don't blame Kyle. He doesn't even know about this, I swear," I was whispering, pleading with them to listen to what I was saying. "I can't go out with all of you, I just can't. I thought about it all day yesterday and it hurt me, okay? It hurts when I think about you guys fighting and getting mad and all that stuff."
"I thought we were all gonna be like your boyfriends or something," John was biting his thumbnail, which he did sometimes when something bothered him. Kyle had said it was because John had probably sucked his thumb when he was a baby, but that had just gotten Kyle a black eye at summer camp.
"I can't be everybody's girlfriend," I sighed. "I'm not even a girl!" But this wasn't even close to the right time to be talking about that issue.
"I'm gonna kill Kyle," Matt was muttering, having decided that Kyle had done something to change my mind.
"You always say one thing, but then you go and do something else," John's voice was trembling from trying to keep it quiet.
"I know what I said…" I frowned.
"But you said all that other stuff too, about us being friends and promising and all that and we did!" Lance was saying, and he had a point. I could understand what he was saying and it reflected all of their thoughts. "You're the one who keeps getting mad all the time, Ann. We never did! Just you and now you're gonna say you went out with Kyle once and so you like him better than us? It ain't fair."
"I don't like him better than you!" I felt like I was gonna cry pretty soon.
"It sounds like it," John said and Matt was nodding his head.
"I like all of you the same, I just don't want to go on a date with you guys anymore," I was getting louder, feeling frustrated because I was thinking maybe they were right and I was wrong…Again.
"I don't wanna date you anyway," Matt looked at me and he might have been ready to cry too. He started getting up.
"Matt…" I reached for his hand but he jerked it away.
"Yeah, me too, man. You and Kyle have fun, huh?" Lance stood up too, grabbing his lunch and leaving with Matt.
"John, please, just try and understand I don't want to hurt you guys…" I was staring at John's face, but his eyes were turned down.
"I'm gonna go," he said quietly and then I was pretty much as alone as I'd ever been in my life.
It felt like every kid in that lunchroom was staring at me, like they'd heard every word and they weren't taking my side. I felt my gut aching, like I was all hollow suddenly. But I wasn't empty, I was full of hurt and it was trying to come up through my eyes, but I wasn't gonna cry. I thought about being strong and all the things people had said to me. I had to take care of myself and stop worrying all the time about everyone else. But Lance had been right too, I was the only one getting mad all the time. Until today, anyway, now they were all mad at me and not for any reason I was worried about, but because I'd changed the rules on them. Again, for like the tenth time in two weeks. They were getting tired of it and how could I blame them?
But still, a little voice in my head was saying, they were being pretty selfish too. What did I owe them anyway? They had my friendship, just like always. I wouldn't kiss them suddenly and life wasn't fair? I wouldn't go out on a date with them and fuck them? That voice was getting louder and it was mad too. I didn't change the rules; I was just trying to figure them out, same as everybody else, that's all. If those guys were gonna be mad, I didn't care. We'd been mad at each other before, hundreds of times, and we always made up. We'd make up this time too and not because I'd change my mind, I decided, but because we weren't totally dumb. Only an idiot throws away a best friend and none of us were idiots, were we?
I really hoped not, but I wasn't so sure.
"You breakup with your boyfriends?" Brian Hades caught up with me as I was leaving the cafeteria. "Little lover's quarrel?"
He was laughing so I punched him in the nose. A good shot too, a real one like he'd never expected from a girl, although if he'd remembered the first day of football practice he should have. It knocked him flat on his butt, right in the middle of the lunchroom, and blood gushed from his nose. I hoped I'd broken it. It was probably the first time in his life that anyone had knocked the big bully down. He'd always been so much bigger than everyone else, but not anymore. He looked pretty small sitting on the cold linoleum holding his wounded nose and he didn't try to get up either, he just sat there.
That was going to be big news, I was sure, and a lot of trouble most likely. I'd had my share of fights, like any boy does, maybe even a few more than most, despite the fact I was physically a girl. But that was my first fight of the new school year so…I shrugged, it had to happen sometime. I was on my way to my next class, pretty sure I'd be pulled out of it so I could see the principal. Wouldn't be the first time for that either, just the first time that year. It would be worth it too, I decided, knocking that guy on his ass. Not only because he deserved it for a lot of different reasons, but it would give me back whatever respect I'd lost after my little scene with my three friends. I wasn't the most popular kid in school, not by a long ways, but everybody needs respect and right then I needed it more than most.
Sure enough, 20 minutes into Art class I got called to the office. Brian was in the Nurse's office, Principal Snyder told me. His nose wasn't broken, but it was still bleeding a lot, or so he said.
Mr. Snyder was tall and skinny, with thin black hair and an Adam's apple that was huge, and it bounced up and down when he talked so it was hard not to stare at it and forget what he was talking about sometimes. He asked me the usual questions, with why being the big one, of course. I'd been planning for that.
"He, uh…" I licked my lips and looked around before leaning a little closer to the principal's big desk, "…He touched me," I said quietly. "On my butt."
"What?" that surprised him, probably because like most people, Principal Snyder sometimes forgot I was a girl. Especially after I'd knocked some bigger boy on his butt.
"He touched me," I repeated, a little louder. If I could have started crying I would have, but I wasn't that good an actress, so I just looked sad.
"Well, uh…I see," he shuffled some papers. "He's on your football team, right?"
I had a sinking feeling then, like maybe I'd outwitted myself. Coach had made it sound like the principal was just looking for a reason to kick me off the team. Maybe I'd just given him one, I wasn't sure.
"Yeah," I nodded. "But he never does anything there."
"Really?" Mr. Snyder considered this. "Why not? I mean, uh…Why would he…Touch you…In the cafeteria and not while you were playing football? It seems like…"
"Cause Coach would get mad." Inspiration struck me. "Everybody knows if someone says something or does something like that, Coach is gonna call his dad and kick him off the team," I spoke like it was the gospel truth, and even though Coach hadn't exactly said that, I was pretty sure everyone understood that it was true.
"But I thought…In the boys locker room, I mean…" Mr. Snyder had been thinking all the boys had been doing all sorts of stuff with me in the locker room, I could see it on his face.
"The locker room?" I shrugged like it didn't matter. "Coach didn't let me change right away. I always had to wait in his office until everybody else was done."
That wasn't really true since I'd pretty much got bare buck naked before practice, and the only reason I was in Coach's office after practice was that he was teaching me man sex. But I was pretty sure Coach hadn't mentioned any of that when he'd talked to the principal, so I wasn't going to either.
"I see, uh…Okay, Ann…" he wasn't sure what to do now. Brian wasn't there to defend himself, being too busy bleeding, and if what I said was true then it was all Brian's fault anyway and he should probably be suspended for grabbing a girl's butt in the cafeteria. Heck, Mr. Snyder might have been wondering if I was gonna get a lawyer and sue the school district. I heard they did weird stuff like that in Seattle, for a lot less than getting groped!
"Am I going to be suspended?" I asked him.
"Um, no, I don't think we need to do that. But this is a warning, understand? Your first and only one. We can't have students fighting. The next time it happens you'll be suspended for three days," he tried to look tough or something, but Coach was right, Principal Snyder was a pencil necked geek who'd never played football in his life.
"Yes sir," I nodded.
"Okay, go on back to class. The next time you see Brian I want you to apologize to each other. You're classmates and, well, teammates too I guess, so I expect you to behave like it."
I wondered if I was going to be in a lot of trouble when Principal Snyder talked to Brian and he denied everything. I thought the principal probably wouldn't believe him. I mean, Brian was a boy and I was a girl, in boy's clothing sure, but still a girl. The principal couldn't afford not to believe me over him, because if Brian ever really did grab a girl's butt, another girl's, and she complained too…Everyone would want to know what had happened with me, and why Mr. Snyder hadn't believed me, and what kind of school was he running anyway, letting someone like Brian Hades run around without supervision. Yep, Brian was guilty for life now and that little voice in my head was gloating. "It wasn't so bad being a girl sometimes, was it?" she asked, and that was when I realized that little voice was female and that was strange.
By the time I was getting back to class it was almost over, so I pretty much just grabbed my stuff and headed over to the high school for shop. Thank goodness for that too, I needed the break! I was going to be working on the shop project with Mark, which was cool. The shop teacher, Mr. Wetland liked to rotate us on projects and partners, so we were always working with different machines and different people, but always the same too…Like I always did the project with Mark on Thursdays, and I always did Mondays with The Boz, fixing his girlfriend's car or maybe his truck, usually.
We were turning that old '56 pickup truck into a low rider, like I probably mentioned before. Really chopped too, which was gonna be super cool since we'd never really done that before, me and my two brothers I mean. Scott and Steve had turned a Lincoln Sports Coupe into a low rider once though, for some drummer down in Los Angeles, and it had been so killer that Carlos Santana had used it in a couple music videos. It was always cool seeing a car that your brothers had built on television.
Anyway, Mr. Wetland hadn't been too sure about the idea, to be perfectly honest. We'd had a big meeting at the very beginning of the course to plan what we wanted to do as a class. Most of the guys didn't really know, or their ideas were pretty simple. Greg and Henry didn't really care and they'd go along with whatever the class wanted. They were more into customization and detailing than hard-core chopping anyway. But me and Mark and David had pushed for something real low, with hydraulics and everything; something that would scare the hell out of people. Especially the people around Squinosha, who thought only Mexican gangsters drove around in low riders. With the three of us in the shop though, well it was kind of hard for Mr. Wetland to say no, especially when Low Rider magazine was gonna cover the build. Scott, who was good at the public relations stuff, had called somebody, although he wouldn't admit it.
"We gotta fix all this, fuck!" Mark was measuring the cuts and welds that some of the other guys had made the day before. David was working with The Boz and he looked over at us from across the shop, but that was all. He worked on the truck on Tuesdays and that was when he was usually swearing up a storm.
"How bad?" I asked, meaning did they cut too much? or not enough. The truck wasn't any more than a framework as it sat there. Everything was taken off of it and we were going to fabricate a new body anyway, since the old panels and stuff would never fit again, not after we were done with it.
"Bad enough," Mark admitted, slashing the metal with a grease pencil. "We gotta break some welds." The other guys were gonna hear about it later, Mark could pretty much be an asshole when he wanted to be. "We gotta watch these guys closer, Wethead doesn't have a clue," that was what he called Mr. Wetland when he was mad.
I tended to go easier on the other guys. Some of them didn't know much more than how to change a tire, or the oil maybe, but some of them were pretty handy too. And they were learning, which was why we were there, right? Well, maybe not me or my brothers, we'd been doing this stuff since we'd learned to walk, literally. I had pictures of me two years old, fetching wrenches for my Daddy in my diapers.
Just a couple years before when I was 11 going on 12 I'd done most of the engine work on an old Silver Edition Corvette that we restored to original perfection. All the paint had been mine too; my first time flying solo with a paint gun. Greg, who was pretty good with a gun himself, had done the mixing and Daddy had been watching over my shoulder. So yeah, I'd had a lot of supervision naturally, but that car had been as much mine as anyone's and it had been me standing in front of it, arms crossed and looking like a punk badass, when 'Vette Magazine had taken their pictures.
Daddy had named that car 'Pure Ice' because of the color, a blue so light you thought you were just imagining it, covered with a pearl satin finish that made it shimmer. It wasn't factory silver, but it was perfect and even the notoriously strict Corvette traditionalists didn't seem to mind. But when the magazine published its article they'd put the word 'Prodigy' in big letters and that was the name that stuck. A lot of the writing was about me though, and I'd felt sort of bad about that, but Daddy was proud and so were my brothers. Anyways, that car was sort of famous after that. From San Francisco to Seattle to Denver, and even in places like Vancouver, up in Canada, it was always a big draw at the conventions. The owner, who was president of the Pacific Northwest Corvette Club, was always inviting me to come along.
"We got nothin' but time," I grinned at started getting my cutting torch together; I was gonna be breathing fire for the next hour or so.
"Here, take a break," Mark was tapping my shoulder and I killed the torch. He had a soda for me and it was good and cold.
"Thanks," I pulled my goggles down around my neck and took a long drink. "I'm gonna go ahead and cut those engine mounts too, long as I'm here."
"Okay," Mark nodded. "We gotta get the new ones in tomorrow though, all the braces too." We didn't really have to, but if we let it go somebody else would try and do it and that would just mean more work.
I sat there drinking my Coke while Mark tried to explain to Mr. Wetland why I was gonna work on the project two days in a row. "…cause we're getting that 505 big block and it's gotta sit as far up front as we can get it."
"And why's that?" Mr. Wetland asked, as if he'd never looked at the schematics or something. I just shook my head.
"Because we're putting two big ass blowers back here, remember?" Mark was trying to be patient, drawing the layout with his hands. "The trucks gotta be clean, we're gonna have like 14 inches of window and we try and stick a manifold through the hood it's gonna look like some candy ass funny car."
"I thought we wanted a scoop though and…" Mr. Wetland might have wanted a lot of things, I laughed to myself.
"No. We're putting the rams down low, on the sides, remember? This thing's gonna look like it's coming to eat your sister," Mark tended to get excited.
"What?" Mr. Wetland stared at my brother and I decided this was a good time to flame on.
"You gotta watch your mouth, dude," I was laughing at Mark as we pushed our brooms around the floor. It was just about the end of class and Mark had spent most of it talking with the teacher. He was lucky though, being 18 already and a senior, Mark could get away with stuff that I'd never dream of.
"He's an ass," Mark shrugged, dismissing the whole thing. "Hey, I was gonna ask you if you wanted to go with us tomorrow night."
"Go where?" I asked.
"Me and David are taking the girls camping out by Fouchet Springs," he smiled. "It's gonna be fun, we'll come back Saturday night."
"The girls? You mean Sherry and Jane, right?" I began wondering who was really asking me, Mark or Jane.
"Yeah," Mark nodded. "It's supposed to stay warm for a couple days and even if it gets cold, the springs are gonna be hot."
"I can't," I made a little face. "We have a scrimmage on Saturday at one o'clock."
"So what?" Mark laughed. "It's just a scrimmage, come on, go camping with us."
"Nah," I went back to sweeping. "Coach would get super pissed, probably bench me or something."
"How about we come back Saturday morning then?" Mark persisted. "You won't miss a thing, I promise."
It did sound kind of fun going camping, especially up to the springs which were all hot mineral water fed by some deep down volcano or something. But I knew part of the reason Mark was asking me was cause Jane wanted to see me, and maybe Sherry too, for all I knew. And I didn't quite understand just what was going on between those two girls and my brothers, but it seemed pretty weird. Part of me was saying no, don't go. But another part of me was remembering Jane and I did sorta want to see her again, but I sorta didn't too. It was just more confusion that I didn't need and leave it to me to try and find a way to make it worse.
"Can Kyle come?" I asked, without really thinking about it as much as I should have.
"Kyle?" Mark looked at me and thought about it for ten seconds at least, which was plenty long enough to tell me something was definitely up.
"He's sort of my boyfriend now," I prompted.
"Yeah, I know. Um…" Mark glanced at David who was tossing scrap metal in a bin, not paying us too much attention. "Sure, yeah. Kyle can come along, that'll be cool."
"Okay," I nodded and that was settled, mostly. I still had to ask Kyle, of course.
And I'd have to tell Coach I was gonna miss football practice on Friday, since we'd be leaving right after school got out. He wasn't gonna be thrilled with that, but I figured it was better than missing the scrimmage and besides, I had the plays down cold and Coach knew it. The other backs really needed some time in the huddle.
I rode back to school for my last class feeling sort of down, I guess. But not too bad. My three best friends were mad at me, but Kyle definitely wasn't and I was reasonably sure that things would work out somehow, eventually. It just wouldn't be that much fun for awhile, so maybe hanging out with Mark and David would be cool. And Jane? That little voice asked me and I started to wonder if I wasn't going a little crazy, or possessed or something. It wasn't a real voice though, so don't worry about that. It was just my little brain trying to deal with the fact that I was growing up and changing and fighting to become the person I was meant to be. I reckon everybody goes through that, I was just having a harder time than some.
I'll tell you I was a little nervous going into the girls locker room after school. I'd been having doubts about what I'd done, and most especially why I'd done it, for the better part of an hour. What was Miss Haven gonna say? Would she even be there? And what was I going to say to her? When you're fourteen there are a lot of things that seem like good ideas when you do them, but later they seem really dumb. I really hoped that was one of the things people grew out of when they got older.
Miss Haven was already inside the locker room when I got there and I figured I'd wait until she said something before I did. She was wearing orange shorts and a tight black t-shirt that really set her golden hair off. It had a picture of a mountain lion or something on the back and the front said 'Wildcats' across her breasts. I felt a lot nervous then, just standing there looking at the woman as she turned around to look at me.
"I uh…I got your note," Miss Haven looked nervous too. "And the other thing." Meaning my jock strap that she'd left her lipstick on the day before.
"Okay," I said, like the 14 year old idiot I was. I felt foolish just standing there so I moved to my locker, thinking it might be best if I was busy doing something. I started digging into my backpack, finding my new jock strap, which was really an old one since it had been Scott's once.
"Look, I…I'm sorry, okay?" Miss Haven really did look sorry too and I stopped getting my stuff out and faced her. "I know you um, like me, Ann. I like you too and uh, more than I should. It's my fault, all of it and you have to know I didn't mean to hurt you or anything."
Huh? I just stared at Miss Haven. Like her? Me? I didn't like her, she was part of the reason I was so mad, didn't she know that? And hurt me? She hadn't hurt me; she'd just embarrassed me more than anything. What was she talking about?
My note had simply said: "Dear Coach Haven, I thought maybe you'd like to keep this since it has your lipstick on it. Love, Ann."
But that had been a joke; a way to make her feel humiliated and maybe even quit her new job as my babysitter. I didn't really love her or anything silly like that. But after the way I'd acted yesterday, the things I'd said and all that, why wouldn't she believe my note? I'd never seduced anyone before, I wouldn't even have known how to start, but in reality I'd been doing just that to Miss Haven. It might have been an accident and it might have been purely unconscious, but it had been happening and if I wasn't careful it was gonna go all the way.
All those thoughts went through my head at light speed, which meant I was barely aware of them at all, and had little understanding of what any of it really meant. I just knew I'd screwed up and I was getting myself in trouble.
Miss Haven took a step closer, maybe taking my silence for some kind of invitation, I don't know. I stood still as a statue, watching her hand as she reached out and touched my left cheek with her fingertips. It was a soft, tender caress and it made my heart catch in my throat so I couldn't breathe.
"You're a special girl, Ann," Miss Haven seemed to find some inner strength, she wasn't so nervous now. I was the one shrinking, our natural roles of teacher and student, adult and child, reasserting themselves. She was in control and whatever power I'd had was just an illusion.
She was closer now, closer than ever before, and it was so quiet I was frightened of it, and wished for some loud noise just to fill the emptiness around us. She was going to kiss me, I realized suddenly and my legs felt weak, my body flushing. I wanted her to kiss me. I wanted it more than anything else in the whole world right then and I tried to brace myself for it, my body tensing and leaning towards her as if pulled by some invisible gravity I couldn't resist.
"We can't do this…" Miss Haven was whispering and her face was so close to mine I could feel her warm breath moving across my lips. I could smell her skin and I moved my hands slowly, feeling very shy and at the same time almost desperate. I touched her hips, her waist, and slid my hands around Miss Haven carefully, like I might break something, or change her mind somehow.
"…I shouldn't…It's wrong…" her words were barely audible and Miss Haven's left hand was touching my back, her arm enfolding me as I pulled myself against her. I felt her breasts, firm and trapped under her t-shirt, straining against her bra, pressing against me. They were above mine, near my exposed neck as my face was tilted upward. Miss Haven's hand was still on my cheek, stroking me as her bright blue eyes stared into mine.
And that first kiss was electric. A small brief touch of our lips and nothing more, but it seemed the best kiss of my life. I burned from it and a second later the breath I'd been holding exploded out of me with a gasp. Miss Haven pulled my head to her body, my face pressing between her breasts as she cradled me there. Our bodies moved slowly, in some unbidden dance that embodied the silent agreement of our desires. I found myself with my legs spread, pressing my sex against the woman's bare thigh. I was still dressed, with the soft worn denim of my old jeans between us, but I was barely aware of it.
I was grinding myself against her, with Miss Haven's hand on my ass, pulling me and urging me to ride her exposed flesh. She'd bent her leg slightly at the knee, and pressed upward with her thigh in a gentle rhythm that I matched. My lungs burned and my heart was pounding, I hugged her tightly and moved my head, pressing my cheeks against her breasts, kissing them through the cotton that separated us. Miss Haven was kissing my head and neck, sliding her hand up and down my spine, pulling up the loose fabric of my shirt so she could feel the bare skin of my back.
"…This is so wrong…" Miss Haven was whispering, "…So wrong to love you…" Her breathing was ragged and we were moving faster and harder. My clit was a point of fire between my legs and I could feel the wetness running from my sex. I was pushing myself against her thigh, rocking my hips and gasping with every breath I took.
"…Kiss me…" she had her fingers in my short hair now and her other hand cupped my ass, straining to pull me even harder, "…Kiss me…Please…"
I found her mouth with mine, with Miss Haven's hand guiding me, turning my head so that our mouths joined completely open and sealed tightly together. Her tongue was wild in my mouth, moving frantically to explore every part of me. I wriggled my own as well, licking and tickling and playing with short sharp jabs of my tongue. I could feel the waves coming, the unmistakable sensation of my orgasm building and I moaned into Miss Haven's lungs, my body shuddering as I held her as tightly as I could. One hand was on her back, the other down to her ass, feeling the taut firm muscles she had. Those shorts were so tight and her ass was so perfect, I thought. I squeezed her butt the same way she squeezed mine.
Miss Haven was cumming with me, I understood vaguely. Her body jerked and trembled even as my own sense of self-control dissolved in an ocean of pleasure. I couldn't concentrate any longer on what I was doing, if my tongue moved, it was of its own free will. My hips too, the urgent grinding of my cum soaked sex and screaming clitoris was something I couldn't control, even if I'd wanted to. I felt as if we might collapse any moment, Miss Haven seeming to grow heavier in my arms, her own legs weakening with the overwhelming rush of her climax. For countless long minutes we were consumed, by ourselves and each other, until finally we had no choice but to let go, slowly and reluctantly, until we stood there holding hands and nothing more.
Miss Haven lifted my hands to her lips, pressing them together and kissing them as she looked into my eyes. We were both breathless and flushed, our bodies wet with sweat and more. She was thanking me wordlessly and I was doing the same, smiling at her gratefully.
BANG…BANG…BANG…
There was a heavy knock at the doors and Coach's gruff voice sounded muffled and angry. "Russet? You in there? You got two minutes to get your butt on that field, mister!"
BANG…BANG…BANG…
He was knocking again before he went back outside and I glanced at the clock above the doors. I was 15 minutes late, which meant Miss Haven and I had been in there making out for at least 20 minutes. It had seemed like 20 seconds at the time.
"I gotta get ready," I breathed and Miss Haven nodded, her face filling once again with the nervousness I'd seen in her before, embarrassment too, I thought. I wondered why I wasn't feeling any of that, maybe because I knew Coach was a lot cooler than Miss Haven would ever realize.
I didn't particularly feel like football practice right then, but what choice did I have? Miss Haven seemed to wonder what to do with herself as I started getting undressed.
"I uh, I better go change…" she was looking down and I could see that her orange shorts were damp in the crotch and even down her thighs a little where some of her wetness had leaked out. She must have gotten seriously wet when she came, I thought with a little thrill of heat.
I was pulling off my pants and they were damp, but it was my boxers that were really bad. The soft cotton had really soaked up my juices like a sponge and I more or less peeled them off my puffy sex. Miss Haven watched, staring at my ripe vulva, and I didn't mind for some reason, although I'd felt embarrassed by my pussy before with Sandy. I'd always tried to cover it up, which hadn't been too hard because mostly I'd been wearing my strap-on anyway. But now I was bare to Miss Haven's gaze and even more I was exposing myself deliberately, turning so she could see me fully and pushing out my pelvis just a little. I didn't know why, but I liked having her look at me; I wanted her to see me like that.
I did the same thing with my shirt, not bothering with the buttons, but just pulling it over my head so she could see my small breasts, puffy with excitement. My nipples were a ruddy pink, hard and sticking out a quarter of inch. I stood there, not moving and watching as Miss Haven's eyes traveled across my body. Her face was animated, I thought, her emotions unmasked completely. She wanted me, almost desperately, and yet there was guilt, plain as day, bringing a small frown to her lips.
She closed her eyes slowly, keeping them shut for a second or two before yielding to desire once more and opening them with soft whimper. This was a revelation for me, a new understanding of something important, something I didn't even have the words to express. But I understood it intuitively perhaps; this was the power of sex. The power to make a person do something they couldn't, or shouldn't, or wouldn't…And for Miss Haven that was the best part.
She could have kept me in that locker room all night, if she'd wanted to. Because giving myself to someone was the best part for me. It would be awhile before I understood that, and when I was fourteen I was only dimly aware of such things, but take it from me now, that's always been the key to who I am inside. It was that desire that had pushed Miss Haven to take control, manipulating both of us somehow towards an inevitable result. And if I'd only understood that as we stood there, Miss Haven and me, I would have avoided a lot of the doubts and fears I'd been suffering.
So it was up to Miss Haven to decide whether to stay or go, because I was helpless and innocent and so utterly willing right then.
"I…I gotta go…" Miss Haven was leaving, her guilt finally winning over her desire for the time being. I just nodded and watched as she hurried out, probably back to her office, I thought, or maybe to her car. I didn't know, although I figured her clothes and purse and stuff was probably in one of the lockers. She just couldn't stay in the locker room with me, because then we would do something else and she needed to wait until she wanted me bad enough.
I was a lot more than two minutes getting up to the field, and Coach shot me a dirty look, and had me running wind sprints for ten minutes before he'd let me huddle up with the guys. I was sure Lance and Matt were enjoying that, they'd given me some dirty looks too, but mostly they just ignored me. It was going to be a lonely bike ride home. Miss Haven never did show up for practice either, I guessed she just went home. We'd done something special, I knew that, but it seemed unfinished too. Like we'd just started and I had a lot of questions in my head about what it all meant, being young and inexperienced like I was. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was queer, in one way or the other. It didn't seem to matter who I was with, a boy or girl, I was a fag either way.
Anyway, I was in a lot of trouble at football practice, and not just cause I was so late. Brian Hades, our quarterback, couldn't breathe through his nose. That might not seem like a big deal, but we all had to wear big plastic teeth guards in our mouths and that generally made breathing through our mouths sorta hard too. Coach was none too happy about having to give Brian a rest after every two or three plays just so he could catch his breath.
"Goddamit Russet! Why didn't ya just kick him in the balls or something?" Coach was yelling at me during the mid-practice break, when we all took five minutes to use the bathroom and drink some water and stuff.
"Sorry Coach," I was looking down.
"He's gonna be suckin' wind for a week! Be lucky to have him for the first game…" Coach frowned and walked around. "Anybody here feel like grabbin' Russet's ass?"
I might have laughed at that if it hadn't shocked me.
"Come on…" Coach looked over all the guys, "…Which one of you wants to feel that lil' round butt in your hands? Turn around Russet, show 'em what they're missin' out on."
I wondered if Coach was serious, but I guess he wasn't cause he kept on talking a second later, "I want to get all the ass kickin's out of the way now. Before our season starts…Any takers? Nobody wants a free ass kickin' huh?"
Nobody was saying anything and I didn't know if I should have felt embarrassed or proud. I felt a little ashamed, if anything, since Brian hadn't really grabbed my ass at all. Apparently I'd been right though: once accused, a boy is always guilty. And Brian wasn't denying it either, which I guess I sort of understood because that just would have made it worse for him, at least so far as Coach was concerned.
"Take a good look at this numbnuts here…" he grabbed Brian Hades and sort of spun him around by his pads so everybody could see his nose, which was big and swollen, and the beginning of a couple nice black eyes. "This is what happens when you play grab ass with a football player!" Coach paced a few feet, "Sit down, Hades, before you start bleedin' again."
"Yeth thir, Goach," Brian said, his voice all nasal
I thought we were done at that point, but we weren't.
"And one other thing. Yesterday I heard a lot of comments about my new assistant," Coach looked around. "Uh…Coach Haven…" he was obviously wondering where she was. "…I don't want to hear any more of that! She a woman, that's true, and she might not know the difference between a punt and a pass, but she's your coach. You're gonna respect her and stop playin' sock monkey every goddamn time she bends over to tie her goddamn shoes. You understand me?"
All of us nodded and said we did and Coach nodded too, deciding he'd given us enough motivation for one day. I still had to tell him I needed to skip Friday's practice though, and when I did he hadn't been thrilled, but he hadn't said no either.
"Where's that Coach Haven at?" Coach tugged my sleeve before I could get back to the field.
"I dunno, Coach," I told him truthfully. "She was down in the locker room earlier, and then she said she had to go."
"Had to go, huh?" He gave me a funny look but didn't push it at all and I was grateful. Coach probably didn't need to know everything about Miss Haven any more than she needed to know everything about him.
Home that evening I had a lot of stuff on my mind. Miss Haven, of course, but she was a mystery that would unravel in her own time. I didn't suffer the same sort of anxiety that I had after being with Sandy or my strange experiences with Jane. Maybe I was getting used to the idea that I was attracted to girls, or at least certain girls. I mean one time could be an accident, right? And twice just a coincidence, but three times? Even as slow as I was, I could see a pattern there.
Not to mention Julie Perry, the girl I'd met in Beaverton who thought I was really a boy. Maybe…I didn't know for sure what she thought I was, but I wanted to find out. She'd been on and off my mind all day. A lot more than I wanted to admit. Julie was taking on some weird aura in my mind, like maybe we'd been destined to meet, you know? It was just the sort of romantic daydreaming crap that I'd heard so many other girls talking about in the bathroom at school. I'd always shaken my head and laughed and thought about how stupid they sounded talking like that.
But now, I wasn't so sure anymore about anything. I wanted to call her, this Julie Perry, and talk to her. I'd taken her phone number out and looked at it a dozen times that day, I'd bet, just wondering what we'd say. Did boys act like that? Which part of me was this, I wondered, having somehow recently decided that a part of me was male and another part female.
A couple weeks before I'd taken it for granted that inside I was all boy, my personality, my thoughts and feelings, and I was just stuck with a girl's body. But over the last few days I'd realized that there were other parts of me, other emotions and desires that were female, and perhaps they'd been there all the time but I hadn't noticed. But I noticed them now and instead of confusing me all the more, it actually made me feel better about myself. I was a guy, I knew that, but I was a girl too, and that was okay too.
Sort of. I still hadn't figured out why I wanted to be a boy with Kyle and Coach and Sandy too, but somehow on that one day, it had been okay to be a girl with Miss Haven. Of course I hadn't really pushed it very far, just letting her see me, all of me, but I wouldn't have refused her I don't think, if she'd wanted to touch me…Down there…On my pussy…Even…Inside it…Maybe. Hmmm…Miss Haven, she could do it, if she wanted to and I'd…
I licked my lips, realizing I'd been daydreaming, squeezing my thighs together while I just let my thoughts run. I sure was horny a lot. I laughed at myself and got off my bed where I'd been trying to study. I was going to call Kyle and ask him if he wanted to go camping with me. Mark and David were in the garage with Daddy. Henry was doing homework on the computer. Steve was at school. Scott was in his room and Greg…He was in the kitchen doing his homework. I really hoped Daddy was serious about letting me have my own phone.
I dialed the number quickly while Greg was asking me about my fight with Brian. It was the first time anyone had mentioned it and I was a little surprised, but I shouldn't have been. Word gets around quick in a small town and while Ann Russet giving some boy a bloody nose wasn't exactly big news, Brian Hades getting one was.
"Hello?" a strange voice answered the phone, not Kyle's at all. It was a girl's voice and a much younger girl than Kyle's mom.
"Hello?" the voice repeated and I suddenly realized I'd dialed Julie Perry's number by mistake. I thought I was going to throw up and I probably turned white as a sheet because Greg stared at me, sitting up straight and asked me what was wrong.
"Uh…Hi," I finally managed to croak. "Is this, um, Julie?"
"Yeah. Who's this?" she asked reasonably and that was the one question I really didn't want to hear.
"Ah, well I'm the uh, guy you met the other night at the arcade, remember? At the mall?" Guy? I rolled my eyes and kicked myself mentally. Greg was really staring at me now and I wished I was alone.
"Oh, yeah. Hi!" she sounded a lot warmer suddenly. "I didn't get your name though. I asked Denise, but she didn't know it either."
"Oh, really?" I forced a little chuckle that probably sounded really stupid.
"Yeah," Julie replied and then it was quiet while she obviously waited for me to tell her what my name was. Finally she just asked, "So, um, what's your name anyway?"
"It's, uh…" I won't lie and say I wasn't thinking about giving her a fake name. I even thought of saying I was Greg, and then somehow conning Greg to cover for me, like if she ever called me asking for Greg, he'd know it was really for me and…But that wouldn't work for very long. Besides, Julie's friend Denise probably knew Greg. All the girls in school knew my brothers.
I was gonna have to bite the bullet. Well, I said to myself silently, it was nice knowing you, Julie.
"It's, uh…Ann," I cleared my throat a little. "Ann Russet."
"Ann?" Julie sounded like she was confused, which she was of course, having expected a name like Tommy or something. Tommy and Julie, that sounded nice together. Ann and Julie? Uhhhh… "I thought you were a guy? Didn't you just say…"
"Yeah…" I tried to laugh, like wasn't that a good joke! Ha-ha! "…Sorry about that, it was just a figure of speech or…Something."
"Oh," Julie didn't sound quite so happy now. But she wasn't hanging up either. I glanced at the wall clock and it was just before seven, still kinda early.
"What are you doing?" I ventured, wondering how long she'd talk to me before it got too weird for her.
"Just reading," she replied. "I have to get through three chapters in this stupid story about the civil war for school."
"Maybe they're short," I offered hopefully. "What is that, the Red Badge of Courage or something?"
"Yeah, that's the one. Did you read it?" I couldn't tell if she was bored with me or not, but this wasn't an exciting conversation either and I wished I'd paid more attention to the girls talking in the bathroom at school. I might have learned how to talk to a girl. Like a girl, I mean. Too. Uh…Shoot.
"I was supposed to once," I giggled a little. "But it was too boring."
"Yeah," she agreed. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing. I just got home from football practice and figured maybe I'd call you and say hi," I frowned at Greg who was grinning as he listened to me.
"You play football?" Julie giggled too and it sounded cute.
"Sure, yeah. I'm a running back and sometimes a linebacker," I told her proudly, but then I realized she probably didn't even know what that meant.
"Wow, that's cool," Julie sounded like she was impressed anyway. "We don't have a football team, just a basketball team. I'm on the junior pep squad."
"Really? You're a cheerleader?" I made it sound like the coolest thing I'd ever heard in my life and Greg laughed so I showed him my fist.
"Well, not really a cheerleader, not yet. You have to be in 11th grade to be a cheerleader here, but it's kind of the same thing. We dance and stuff, it's fun."
"That's pretty cool," I said. "I bet you're the best dancer too, huh?"
"Nah," she shrugged that off, but she was laughing a little self-consciously. "I'm just average."
"You don't seem average to me," I told Julie before I could think about it.
It was quiet for a few seconds and I bit my lip. "Thanks," she finally said. "I um, I don't think you're average either." Then she laughed, but it was a nervous one, "That sounded dumb, huh?"
"No, uh-uh…" I reassured her. "I kinda liked it."
"Okay," she sighed and I wondered what that meant. God, it was like I needed a translator to talk to this girl.
"So, um, what do you do when you're not in school?" I asked Julie carefully, really wanting to keep everything neutral sorta and trying to think of something everybody liked. "You ever, ah…Ride horses or anything?"
"Oh yeah! Me and Denise go to this little horse ranch and ride sometimes," Julie replied enthusiastically. "I want a horse so bad, but my dad says we don't have room for one. We don't have a barn or anything like that."
"All you need is a big shed and a corral," I told her, but I didn't really have a clue about horses. "Or maybe you could get a horse and board it someplace."
"Yeah, maybe," Julie didn't sound so sure, and what did I know?
"What are you doing tonight?" I asked. "I mean besides reading and talking to me."
"Mmmm…Nothing. Just hanging around the house," Julie replied. "Why?"
"Uh, well my brother is driving over to Beaverton and I was gonna ride along, maybe we could meet someplace," I pointed my finger at Greg, stabbing the air and he was shaking his head.
"Oh!" Julie sounded a little shocked at the idea. "I don't know, I mean, um…"
"How about the A&W Root Beer stand?" I offered. "We can get some of those big floats, or a Black Cow or something."
"Uh…" she was hesitating and I felt my heart sinking.
"If you don't want to, I understand," I said, trying my best to sound casual.
"No, it's not that!" Julie said quickly and that made me feel better.
"So you do want to?" I was smiling and I think she knew it, or I hoped she did.
"Yeah, um…I guess so," she agreed. "It's just that I can't stay out too late. School night, you know?"
"Yeah, sure, that's okay," I wasn't sure how excited she was, not very I thought, but at least I'd see her. "How about I meet you there at eight o'clock?"
"Sure, okay," Julie replied. "I'll see you then."
"Okay. Bye," I was nodding at Greg who was shaking his head.
"Bye," Julie hung up her phone.
"No way," Greg was saying, but he was smiling.
"Dude, you gotta take me to Beaverton," I was begging him with my eyes. "Please, I gotta see this..." I realized what I was saying and dropped my voice to a whisper, "…I gotta see this girl, okay?"
"Yeah, I figured that much," Greg laughed and he was whispering too. "Are you really a lesbian?"
"I don't know. Look, we'll discuss it on the way, okay? I told her I'd meet her at eight," I grabbed his hand, pulling it. "Please Greg, you owe me."
"No, you owe me," he smirked a little.
"What? Name it," I told him. "I'll let you off for doing my chores." He was shaking his head. "I'll do your chores, come on, dude!"
"No, uh-uh." He was killing me!
"What?" I looked at him and I realized what he was waiting for. "Oh no…" I stared at him. "Are you crazy?" I was really whispering then. "Mark will kill you! David too, they'll kill both of us! No way!"
"Who's gonna know?" Greg was grinning. "On the way back, okay?" He stood there smiling while I didn't say anything. Greg glanced over his shoulder at the clock. "Gonna take 20 minutes to get there…" and a half minute later, "…Think she'll wait?"