Rachael Ross Archives - For Internal Use Only

Girl Fag 12

 

I knew I'd made a mistake. As soon as I opened my eyes Wednesday morning, I knew it. I felt sick to my stomach and I didn't want to get out of bed at all. I could hear Henry and Greg snoring softly. I'd set my alarm for five, but it wasn't even that late yet. I still had twelve minutes to go before the buzzer went off. I spent it wondering what I'd done the night before.

No, I knew exactly what I'd done. I just didn't know why.

It was guilt, I suppose, at least part of it. Kyle was one of my best friends and I'd had sex with him. That wasn't right. I figured this was probably the way I should have felt after having sex with my brothers, but it wasn't. I hadn't felt anything at all, except mad at Henry of course, but that was different and had nothing to do with giving him a blowjob. So why did I feel like this about Kyle?

He wasn't my friend anymore, a little voice told me. He wasn't my best friend, he was my boyfriend. I was sucking my top lip and hugging my pillow, curled up around it like a baby. I'd ruined it, I thought. I'd ruined everything just for sex. I'd wanted it, I knew that, but that didn't make it right. Kyle had wanted it too, even more than me maybe, but I couldn't blame him; he was a boy, and…

What? I was a boy too, I had to remind myself and that frightened me as much as anything else. What was I thinking? That Kyle was a boy and he was supposed to want sex, but I was a girl? Where had that come from? I was a boy, I woke up every morning and never doubted it, at least not way down inside. My body wasn't like other boys' bodies, but in my heart, my head, maybe even in my soul…I was a boy! But that hadn't been what I was thinking, and that made my eyes fill with tears.

I wasn't crying, not really. I just…Why did I have sex with Kyle? I'd felt bad because my friends had wanted to touch me and kiss me and I'd gotten mad at them for it. And then I'd met a girl and had sex with her, maybe just to prove I really was a guy? Did that make sense? I wasn't sure, it seemed like a long time ago and I couldn't remember what I'd been thinking, or how I'd ended up in Sandy's bed. It had just happened. 

I clutched my pillow and kept my eyes shut, ignoring the wetness on my cheeks and the hollow ache in my guts, like a cramp that was killing me. Did I have sex with Kyle just to prove I wasn't a lesbian? Had I lost one of my best friends for that? I was going to lose the rest of them too. One at a time, Matt and then Lance, and finally John. They'd want their turns and if I said yes or no it wouldn't make any difference, I'd ruined everything.

Bzzzzzzzzzz…

My alarm was going off and reached over, fumbling for the off button. It wasn't going to wake up my brothers, they could sleep through a tornado. I wiped at my nose, it had started running a little and my pillow was damp. But I didn't want to get up. I just moved my head a bit, finding a dry spot and laid there, feeling sorry for myself. Why did I, out of every single person I knew, why did I have to worry about this stuff? It wasn't fair. People had told me that they'd gone through the same things, my dad, most of my brothers, Matt's parents, even some of my teachers. Especially when I'd gotten my first period, they'd told me it was okay. That it was normal to be scared and a little worried. But they didn't know. None of them did. I was alone and it wasn't fair at all.

Coach was waiting for me, or he soon would be. And then Matt and Lance and John, they'd be waiting for me too. I thought about the day to come and I didn't want any of it. I wasn't going to get up ever again, I thought. I was going to stay in bed forever. I felt like a little kid again and that made it worse somehow.

What was Kyle thinking, I wondered, just to get my thoughts away from me? What did he think about last night? Would he still like me now that we'd done it? Maybe he'd think that we'd do it all the time, whenever he wanted, like I wouldn't ever say no. Was that possible? How could he like me after I'd let him do it? After I'd let him fuck me? Would he tell anyone? He'd tell Matt and Lance and John, I was sure. But what about his other friends? And even if he didn't tell anyone that he'd fucked me, how would I know? I'd never worried about it before. Everyone else I'd had sex with would have to keep it a secret. But not Kyle. He was my boyfriend and every guy I knew who had fucked his girlfriend had told the whole world about it the next day.

Kyle would tell, I decided. He'd laugh and tell everyone at the high school how we'd done it in the back of his car. He'd want his new respect as a man and I wouldn't get any, cause I was the girl. That was what was bothering me now. Respect. How could a boy respect a girl after he fucked her on the first date? He couldn't, because as soon as he told his buddies about it she was a slut. Ask her out once and she'll let you fuck her. She'll even suck your dick and let you cum in her mouth. She's a slut.

How could I ever get out of bed now? People would look at me and whisper and laugh. I wouldn't be a guy anymore, not even a make believe one. Heck, some people would be happy because I wouldn't be a lesbian anymore. How could she be queer if she let a guy fuck her on the first date? That's what people would wonder. And after Matt and Lance and John fucked me, because they would, then I'd be the biggest slut in town.

I wasn't being fair to Kyle. I knew that somewhere inside me, but I couldn't fight my doubts and fears. I didn't know where they'd come from or why, all I knew was that I had them, and it was like panic. I couldn't stay in bed. I had to do something about this. I had to stop it, right now, that instant.

I went downstairs, wearing the boxers and t-shirt I'd slept in, and flipping on lights as I went, since it was still a little dark. I got to the kitchen and picked up the phone, calling Kyle. He had his own phone anyway, so it wasn't like his parents were going to answer. I dialed and waited until he picked it up on the fourth ring.

"…ello?" his voice was sleepy, as it would be I guess. But I was wide awake.

"Kyle?" I spoke quietly and my voice was trembling a little, in fact my whole body was shaking. "You can't tell anyone. You have to promise me, okay? You gotta swear you won't say anything to anybody about what we did. Okay? Kyle?"

"Huh?" he was confused and probably rubbing his eyes and looking at his clock and not really hearing me.

"I said you can't tell anybody!" I hissed, and looked around the kitchen nervously. I had to fight to calm my breathing or I was going to hyperventilate.

"Ann? What's wrong? Tell them what?" he was a little more awake at least, maybe a lot more. He might have thought my house was on fire the way I was talking.

"Anybody!" I said. "You can't tell, okay?"

"About last night?" Kyle seemed to take a deep breath, or maybe he was yawning, I don't know. "I'm not gonna say anything. I promise, Annie. Why would I say anything?"

"Cause…" I didn't know why, "…you're a guy, I don't know. You're gonna tell your friends what we did…you're gonna tell everybody…" He was protesting, saying he wouldn't and I forced myself to take slow deep breaths. "I just don't want you to say anything…Don't tell…" I spoke slow and soft finally, not so much because I was settling down, but more like I was just running out of steam. I felt so tired.

"I promise," Kyle said slowly. "I'm not going to tell anyone anything."

"Okay," I swallowed and nodded to myself. "Okay…Yeah…"

"Ann? What's wrong?" Kyle asked.

"I um…I had a bad dream," I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs, laying my head down on my arm and pressing the phone to my ear. "Kyle?" I whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still like me?" I was going to cry, I could feel it coming.

"Yeah," Kyle said gently, like he knew I was already hurting. "I'll always like you…" he might have wanted to say more but I was feeling bad and I didn't want him to hear me crying.

"Okay," I whispered. "Bye." 

And I didn't get up, I just pushed the phone to my stomach and let it come. I was rocking my body back and forth, not understanding why it was like this. I hurt so bad inside and there was no reason for it. I was sobbing loudly, unable to help myself and it seemed that my whole life was just exploding out of me. Time passed, I knew, but I had no concept of it anymore. Someone was wrapping me up in his arms, standing behind me, hugging me and I just collapsed there at the table, dropping the phone with a plastic clatter and gripping those strong arms.

It was my Daddy, and he held me like he'd been waiting his whole life to do it. He didn't say anything. He just waited until I was through finally. Until my body stopped shaking and I was sniffing at the snot in my nose and swallowing thickly the runny gunk in the back of my mouth. Then he helped me up slowly, walking me out of the kitchen. I became aware of my brothers, a few of them anyway, standing around and someone was picking up the phone and hanging it up. But I was afraid and embarrassed and I didn't want to look up.

"Let's get you back into bed," Daddy was saying and I let him guide me to my room. Greg was gone, downstairs I guessed, but Henry was there, still sleeping and without a word Daddy led me to his room. "Lie down in here."

I hadn't slept in my dad's bed since I was very small. I'd always shared a room and when I'd gotten frightened or lonely I'd crawled into bed with one of my brothers usually. Daddy's room was foreign to me, but it was a warm place too. A safe place and I slipped into his bed gratefully, looking up at him finally as he pulled the covers around me, fussing just a little and trying to reassure me with a smile. He didn't say anything though, he just sat there for awhile and I closed my eyes.

When I opened them the sun was up and I realized that I'd been sleeping. I felt better, a lot better, and I stretched a little.

"Good morning," Steve was sitting in an old armchair that looked like it belonged in a fancy dining room someplace, except it was old. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," I replied. "Where's Daddy?"

"Downstairs," Steve was smiling, just a little and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, reaching over to feel my head and cheek. His hand was soft and cool. "You got a little fever, I think. Are you hungry?"

I thought about it for a second and decided I wasn't. "No," I licked my lips and started to get up. "I'm thirsty though."

"Just stay there, I'll get you some juice," Steve gave me a gently push back into the bed.

"I need the bathroom too," I smiled weakly.

"Oh," Steve chuckled softly. "Well, get up then. But get back in bed afterwards or you'll get me in trouble." Steve got up and moved towards the door, "I'll get your juice."

"Okay," I went to the bathroom and peed and washed my face, looking at myself in the mirror. My eyes were a little swollen, I thought, a little red. I'd had a pretty good cry downstairs and it wasn't that late, I'd only slept an hour maybe. 

I could hear my brothers downstairs yelling at each other to hurry up, or to grab a book or something else they'd forgotten. Mark and David would be riding together in Mark's car, Greg catching a ride with Henry. Scott was already gone, probably, and Steve had classes in the afternoon. I could have still made it to school probably, but it didn't seem like Daddy had any intention of making me go. And I really didn't feel that great anyway. I did have a little fever, but I didn't know if I was really sick or if that was just from all the worrying I'd done.

I climbed back into Daddy's bed, deciding I sort of liked it more than my own for the time being, and wondered vaguely what my dad was thinking. I might have worried about it a little, but I reckon most of me was all worried out for awhile. I didn't want to think about anything. I just wanted to lie there and be babied a little. I smiled when Steve walked in carrying a big glass of orange juice.

"You want to talk?" Steve asked me, standing there as I took a couple swallows and set the glass down on Daddy's nightstand.

I shook my head, "No."

"Okay," Steve gave a little nod at that. "You gotta stay in bed for awhile, okay? I'll, uh…I'm gonna go study a little." He wasn't sure if he wanted to leave me or not and I understood he was a little worried. It wasn't every day that his little sister had a breakdown in the kitchen.

"You can study in here," I told him. "If you want." It was kind of nice just having him there. 

"Sure," he smiled. "I'll be right back."

Steve was studying drafting and engineering and while I always thought it was just drawing stuff with fancy rulers and pencils that looked like pens, I was learning that there was a lot more to it. Steve was sitting next to me on the bed, since it was a big old king sized one that about four people could sleep on at once. He had his textbooks and notebooks out and he was trying to explain the math, which it seemed was pretty important, but it was way over my head.

It was fun though, just being with him and sharing something of his life. It was a good feeling and so far removed from all my earlier worries that I'd forgotten them almost completely. I'd had some kind of panic attack, that was all, I told myself. I'd probably caught a little cold too, getting all hot and humid in the back of Kyle's car and then cooling off in the cold night air afterwards. And maybe I'd had a bad dream, I couldn't remember them usually, and I might have dreamt something and woken up and felt all that stuff ganging up on me in the dark. It was a good explanation, I thought, and just having some logical reason made me feel better.

I guess Steve and I must have both been enjoying ourselves because we were both surprised when there was a knock on the bedroom door and Nancy Ryan opened it slowly. Usually you can hear a car pulling into the drive, the gravel crunching under the tires and stuff, but I hadn't heard Nancy's, or the doorbell if she'd used it.

She was in her early fifties and married to George Ryan, and they were both doctors. Their oldest girl, Linda was a couple years older than Steve, and she was a veterinarian, so I guess that made her a doctor too. Anyway, they were the only doctors in the county and had a little clinic at their house, which was a big old Victorian place that they'd renovated nicely. Mostly folks jut called up for a convenient time to come over, but being a small town the Ryans didn't mind making house calls.

"Hi," Nancy was smiling and carrying her little black bag, which was actually more of a caramel color. "How are we doing today, Ann?"

I glanced at Steve and he was getting all his stuff together, making room for the doctor. "I feel okay," I told her.

"I'll be downstairs, Annie," Steve told me, giving my hand a little squeeze before he left. "Ma'am," he nodded to the woman as he slipped past her.

"Thanks, Steve," Nancy smiled at him and then put her bag on the bed where Steve had been sitting, opening it up. "What happened this morning, Ann?"

The doctor took my temperature, checked my blood pressure, and listened to my lungs, having me sit up and removing my t-shirt to make it easier. I had some bruises still, mostly underneath my boobs, but they were blotchy and mostly faded by then and I just shrugged and said it was football. Nancy nodded at that, so probably she believed me and then she listened as I tried to explain how I'd woken up feeling sort of sick with worry mostly, not really physically at all. I told her about my date with Kyle, but I didn't tell her everything of course, just that we'd kissed and made out a little in his car. It was sort of embarrassing, but she was nice and gentle as always, so I found myself talking easily, even smiling a little.

Nancy asked me what I'd had to eat and drink, if I'd been having a hard time with my dad or my brothers, or anybody at school. She knew I was on the football team, obviously, and she asked about that. I told her everything was fine, I was getting along good with everybody. She was looking for something, whatever it was that was really bothering me. So we talked about Kyle some more and how it had been our first date and that he was one of my best friends. Nancy seemed to understand, or so I hoped, that I'd been worried that I'd made a mistake going out with him.

"Can you take off your shorts for me, Ann," it wasn't a question and I wondered if I'd heard the woman right.

"My boxers?" I looked at her and felt a little embarrassed.

"Yes dear," she smiled to reassure me, but it was just a little one. She was putting on a rubber glove too.

Why is it everyone always does what a doctor says? If she'd asked me to hop up and down on one leg while rubbing my tummy and patting my head, I probably woulda done it. You probably would too.

I lifted my butt and pulled my underwear down, feeling my body growing warm. Being naked was one thing, and I've never worried a whole lot about it, but shucking your drawers so a person could really take a good hard look…It was a little bit different.

"We're just going to take a little look see down here and make sure everything's okay," Doctor Ryan was saying. "Have you ever visited a gynecologist, Ann?"

"Uh, no," I blinked at her. "I don't think so."

"Bend your knees a little and lie straight back, there you go. Good." The doctor was touching my pussy. It was the first time I could remember since that one afternoon with Marilee that someone had touched me there. 

I just stared at the ceiling and mostly tried to breathe normally, but it was hard to relax. She wasn't hurting me or anything, and it wasn't like she was making me feel good either. It was just…Weird. Even when she put her fingers inside me, warning me that I was going to feel some pressure, it frightened me more than anything else. And it hurt a little too, but not too much. She didn't go too far at all,

"Go ahead and relax dear," she was taking off her glove and I could see it was shiny and I realized she must have put some lube stuff on the fingers. I wondered what kind she used, but not for long because that always made me want to smile, and we were being serious.

"Is everything okay?" I asked her, honestly wondering myself by then.

"Oh yes, everything is fine, dear," she really did smile then. "You have a little chafing…" I sat up and looked down between my spread thighs, watching as Nancy traced the outline of my nut cup. "…just around here…"

"That's from my nut cup," I told her.

"Football, right?" Nancy nodded. "I have some ointment for that. You know, those things aren't really made for girls. If you go to a good sporting goods store, there are protective devices made for especially for girls…"

"But there ain't any stores around here," I said, and besides I liked my nut cup, even if it did get a little uncomfortable.

"That's the problem, I know," she nodded. "I suppose it's okay, just use this. Not too much, right after your bath," Nancy was giving me a little tube. "If you need more, come by the house, we get a lot of free samples," she winked.

"Okay," I looked at it, turning the ointment in my hand.

"Go ahead and get dressed now," she was putting her stuff away and a minute or two later she was sitting on the bed next to me. "Now, I know you haven't been having sex. You're hymen is intact and everything is fine, but you have to take care of yourself, okay?"

I was nodding, thinking maybe it had been a good thing she hadn't stuck her fingers in my butt.

"You have a boyfriend now and that can change a lot of things. I think you understand that. It can be very easy to get confused and sometimes hurt if you're not careful," Nancy was serious, but she gave me a little smile. "Kyle's a good boy and I'm glad he's your friend, but even best friends can make mistakes. You can trust him, but you have to trust yourself even more, okay? You're much too smart and much too pretty to let yourself get hurt."

"Okay," I think I understood what she meant. Nancy didn't want me getting pregnant, well there wasn't much chance of that, I didn't figure.

"Okay," she nodded, smiling again. "Now when are you going to let that beautiful hair grow out?" 

We talked another five minutes, mostly about nothing important and then she was reminding me that I could always talk to her if I needed to, about anything at all. "I've raised three girls of my own, Ann, so don't be shy. I've heard it all before, believe me," she gave a little laugh.

I watched as she closed the door behind her, thinking that Nancy Ryan probably hadn't heard it all before, unless one of her girls was really a boy.

A little while later Steve came back, relaxing beside me on the bed and he was asking me about the doctor and what she'd said and done. We heard Nancy Ryan leaving, maybe cause we were listening for it this time, and we knew Daddy would be coming up shortly.

"Hey," the door opened and my dad knocked lightly and poked his head in the bedroom as if it were no longer his. "How are you feeling, girl?

"Better," I smiled at him to prove it.

Daddy walked over and felt my head the way Steve had done earlier. "You're a little warm, but not bad," he tousled my hair gently. "Doctor says you'll survive."

"Good," I giggled a little, enjoying the attention.

"She's tough," Steve agreed. "You get a hold of Jerry?" he asked, turning to look at our dad.

"Yep. He'll be over this afternoon; he's got some roofing to finish up this morning over at the Burnett's place," Daddy said.

"Who's that?" I asked them. "Jerry Stiles?"

"Yeah," my dad looked around and decided to sit at the foot of the bed facing me.

"What's he comin' over for?" Jerry Stiles was a carpenter and a contractor, and the best one around too. He fixed houses and even built new ones for people who were tired of living in cities like Seattle. There were a lot of those people, so I guessed Seattle wasn't all that great, except to visit maybe.

"We got a leaky roof," Steve told me and I looked at him, but he was smiling too big, so I knew he was fooling with me.

"I've been thinking for awhile maybe it was time we got the old pantry fixed up," Daddy rubbed his jaw a little, it was scratchy cause he hadn't shaved that morning. "Turn it into a proper bedroom; add a little bathroom too maybe. What do you think?"

"For me?" I almost couldn't believe it. Our house never changed and while I was pretty sure we had some money, Daddy hardly ever spent any except for food and parts and tools and such. The idea of building a new bedroom, and maybe even a bathroom, just for me, was…Weird! I felt like it was Christmas, my birthday, and Halloween all rolled up into one.

"Yeah for you," Daddy laughed.

I looked at Steve and he just smiled. "But…Why?" I asked Daddy, turning back to him.

"Well, you ain't a little girl no more," Daddy shrugged. "Just figured maybe you were feeling a little crowded in there with Greg and Henry."

"I don't mind," I told him, wondering what had brought this on. I knew everyone had gotten a little scare that morning, and we were gonna have to talk about it soon, but a new bedroom?

"Is that why they're doin' your chores?" Daddy looked at me then and I knew he knew. Or suspected something anyway and that was the same thing with Daddy.

I looked down, biting my lip and then remembering how guilty that looked, I stopped and glanced at Steve. He wasn't looking to sure of himself either though. I turned back to Daddy, "They lost a bet, that's all."

"Uh-huh," Daddy tilted his head like he'd heard better bullshit at an old time revival meeting. 

"Henry and Greg had some uh, problems with their camera, Pop," Steve decided to speak up. "We took care of it." He was looking Daddy straight in the eye, something I couldn't ever do when we talked serious and I wasn't being truthful.

"And those shiners he got?" Daddy asked.

"That'd be Mark and Scott," Steve shrugged and dad seemed to consider all that for a half minute or so. "Admit it, Pops, Henry's adopted."

"Don't I wish sometimes," Daddy shook his head and looked at me. "That what happened?"

"Yes sir," I nodded quickly, wiping the smile off my face from Steve's little joke.

"What about this morning?" Daddy asked, his voice becoming gentle again. "Did that have anything to do with Henry or Greg?"

"No," I shook my head. "I was…I woke up not feeling too good and I was worried." I wasn't sure if I should have been saying anything or not, but it felt like I needed to. Like I could pass part of the weight to Daddy, he was the only one I hadn't talked to, really, and the one I probably needed the most.

"Worried about what, Annie?" Steve asked me, maybe just to reassure me that he was still there if I needed him.

"Kyle," I sighed and reached for my juice, taking a swallow. It had gotten a little warm and too sweet.

"Kyle?" Daddy sat up a little. "Something happen last night?"

"We kissed, Daddy," I held the glass in my lap, looking down at it. "At the movie and later, afterwards in his car," I'd figured Nancy Ryan might have told him some of this, but maybe she hadn't. Or else Daddy just didn't like hearing it from me.

"Just kissing?" Daddy looked at me hard and I nodded. "What about that other boy, that…What's his name?"

"Brian," I reminded him. "I don't know," I frowned, keeping my head down and thinking fast. "That's why I was worried…I thought, well…I don't want any trouble, that's all."

"So you got two boyfriends," Daddy took a deep breath.

"Who'd you call this morning?" Steve asked me.

"Kyle," I looked at my brother. "I wanted to tell him it was a mistake. That I was sorry."

"Sounds like you got some figurin' to do, girl," my dad patted my leg through the bed sheets.

"Yeah," I nodded and took a peek at Daddy. "You're not mad, are you?"

"What, at Kyle?" Dad shook his head. "I guess not." He paused and narrowed his eyes, "Just kissing right? He didn't try and…" his voice trailed off suggestively.

"No!" I made a face, wondering why he was asking me that.

"Kyle's a good kid, Pop, he wouldn't try anything," Steve offered.

"Yeah, I like him too. Okay," Daddy seemed satisfied for the moment at least. "No more dates for awhile, understand me?"

"Yes sir," I answered.

"Good. I'm gonna rattle some pots and pans, you come down soon and we'll have some breakfast," Daddy was getting up and Steve and I watched him go.

"What really happened last night?" Steve asked me quietly, sliding a little closer.

"Me and Kyle…" I shrugged and looked at the ceiling, "…we did it."

"You had sex with Kyle?" I nodded and Steve stared at me. "What, like regular sex? The Doc said you're still a virgin."

"She told you and Daddy that?" It surprised me, but I guess it shouldn't have. Daddy had probably been worried I'd been raped or something, the way I'd acted this morning. 

"Yeah," Steve replied. "So how did…?"

"Oh, no…No, he did it in my butt," I said seriously, and then I giggled just because it had sounded sorta funny, but I wasn't feeling especially happy.

"Um, okay…And what happened this morning?" Steve wasn't looking terribly pleased either.

"I was afraid he wasn't going to like me," I replied, the words coming out a little faster. "I thought I'd ruined everything, you know? I mean I wasn't going to, and then I did and then it was fine last night and then this morning…I just thought I made a mistake. I had to call him. I had to know if…."

"What, if he still respected you?" it sounded like a cliché, but it was the truth.

"Yeah," I agreed with a little flush of embarrassment. "Stupid, huh?"

"I dunno," Steve admitted. "Maybe, maybe not…What did he say?"

"What I wanted him to," I sighed. It kind of felt better telling Steve, but I was still sure I'd messed up big time going out with Kyle. And especially having sex with him. "I'm supposed to go out with the other guys too."

"What other guys?" Steve's soft brown eyes looked into mine. "You mean Matt and Lance and…"

"John, yeah," I nodded. "And when they find out what me and Kyle did…"

"Don't tell them," Steve said immediately.

"They're my best friends," I protested. "They're Kyle's best friends. They're gonna find out."

"Not if nobody tells them," Steve rubbed my shoulder. "I'll talk to Kyle, okay? He won't…"

"No," I warned Steve. "Don't…"

"I'll just talk to him. He won't tell anyone, okay? He'll understand, believe me," Steve was trying to convince me, but I knew how protective my brothers could get.

"He's my best friend, Steve," I grabbed my brother's arm, squeezing it hard.

"I know, come on, Ann. It's not like I'm gonna break his legs or anything," Steve was smiling. "I like him, I really do."

"Okay," I agreed reluctantly. "But…"

Steve cut me off, "But nothing, I'll talk to the other guys too." I was really going to say something then, but Steve wasn't going to listen. "You scared the hell out us today, Ann. Pops called the doctor, okay? It's serious now, so don't get all uptight about this stuff anymore. Let me talk to your friends and you just cool down for awhile."

I couldn't do anything else but agree with him, or so it seemed.

"And if you really like Kyle, stay with him," Steve smiled. "Have three best friends and a boyfriend, there's worse things in life."

They weren't gonna be my best friends anymore though, I thought, not if Kyle was suddenly my one and only boyfriend. How was that going to work? But I did kinda like the idea. Kyle being my boyfriend seemed…Okay. I felt a little warm inside actually, even a fraction lighter as I went to my room to put on some clothes. Like I weighed less, or something. 

"Me and Kyle…" I said softly to myself. There were worse things in life.

We had our breakfast, Daddy, Steve, and me, and talked mostly about what we were gonna do with the old pantry, which wasn't really a pantry at all. It had been a day room back in the Depression and it sat just off the den, which had itself been a parlor once upon a time. Somebody had used that day room for jarring applesauce though and so it had been known as the pantry when dad and mom had bought the house. We'd all been calling it the pantry ever since and mostly using it to store the junk a family with seven kids collects over twenty years or so. That was a lot of junk and I wasn't sure what we were gonna do with it, but I figured me and my brothers would be finding out soon enough.

The whole idea of me having my own bedroom was still a little overwhelming. But that, I realized much later, was my dad's first step on the road to turning me back into a girl. I'd been his seventh son for more than ten years and I think he regretted it, just a little. But he hadn't really meant to change me; he just had no idea how to raise a daughter. I wasn't so little anymore though, I was pushing 15 and that meant we had to change. The both of us, whether we liked it or not. Daddy figured his job was to make it as easy as possible, all he had to do was give me some room to grow.

I guess having a couple new boyfriends hadn't hurt either, although I could see the worry in Daddy's eyes now that I knew to look for it. Steve must have been right about me scaring them and I felt bad about that. Those feelings that had seemed so impossible to deal with in the early morning darkness were now just distant memories. Like they couldn't stand the light of day and I was glad of it. I needed to find some measure of control over my life. Maybe, I started thinking, I just had to stand up for myself. Wasn't that what The Boz had tried to tell me? I thought maybe it was, but I just hadn't understood him right away.

I convinced Daddy to let me go to school that afternoon. If I'd had a fever it was pretty much gone by the time Steve was leaving for his classes. He'd give me a ride and Daddy said he'd pick me up after football practice, which he wasn't too keen on at all. Football practice I mean. Daddy had never been one to coddle us though, and he always said a good day outside would cure most anything. Even so, I ended up promising him I'd take it easy, but I really had no intention of that and he probably knew it.

"…a 14 year old girl going through some serious physical changes, which is bound to affect you emotionally. You have to be patient with yourself, give your body time to grow and…"

That was Miss Haven's advice. She was Coach's new assistant and also the school nurse, which probably meant she knew a little something about teenagers in general, and teenage girls in particular…Since she'd been one once. I wasn't going to like calling her Coach Haven though, no way.

We were in the locker room, the girls locker room, since I'd gotten kicked out of the boys locker room for being a girl. That had hurt me more than I'd been willing to admit and having Miss Haven there to baby-sit me wasn't helping none either.

I wondered who Coach's new 'special player' was going to be.

"…and just remember, you can always talk to me if you want to, okay?" Miss Haven was smiling, standing there all tall and blonde in her little pink shorts and tight white t-shirt. 

The boys called her Miss Heaven usually, and now I was sure they'd be calling her Coach Heaven in the locker room. I'd heard one of the teachers, Mr. Bronson, talking to my Daddy once at a PTA meeting. He'd said that the only reason Miss Haven had gotten her degree was that she'd slept through nursing school, and given my dad a wink and nod that had made Daddy laugh.

I wasn't so sure though. I mean, everybody assumed she wasn't all that bright, mostly because she was blonde and sort of pretty. She looked like Nurse Barbie to me. But she didn't seem like the type to be sleeping during class. Anyway, I'd already decided that I resented her being there. I didn't want to like her and in my mind Miss Haven represented everyone who said I couldn't be a boy. That wasn't fair, I knew, but neither was my being kicked out the team locker room because I didn't have a dick.

"Okay, Coach Haven," I nodded. I'd been asking her why I seemed to be getting mad all the time for no good reason. "Do you know anything about being gay?" I asked her next, stripping out of my Levi's and kicking them off my feet.

"Um, well…" that made her face turn a little red, I saw, and I tried not to smile. "I'm not sure, Ann, why do you ask?"

"Well…" I pulled my boxers down, and stepped out of them, so I stood there naked from the waist down, folding my underwear neatly. "I had sex with a girl last weekend, and then my brother's girlfriend called me and we had phone sex on Monday, and then last night I met a girl in Beaverton and she gave me her phone number…" I looked at the woman and she was beet red, staring intently at a spot on the wall behind me. "Does that mean I'm a lesbian, Coach Haven?"

She just stood there, not saying anything.

"Coach?" I was putting on my nutcup. "Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah…Oh, um…Yes, well…I better go see, uh…And…I'll be outside…" she was practically running out of that locker room and after she was gone I did laugh.

Miss Haven didn't show up until practice was half over with and I wondered where she'd been all that time, but I didn't wonder a whole lot because I was too busy running out of the I formation. Pete Knutson was my lead blocker and he did okay, but sometimes he forgot which hole we were supposed to be going through. I think he had trouble telling his left hand from his right; he was kind of slow that way.

After practice Miss Haven followed me into the locker room, which I guess she was supposed to do. She didn't look quite as comfortable as she had when she'd first walked in, before I'd began asking her questions. I started getting undressed, stretching my body because I'd taken quite a few hits and I was sore all over.

"Aren't you gonna get a shower, Coach Haven?" I looked at her. "The water feels really good," I smiled, untying my pants and pulling them down my thighs. "It's hot too."

"Well, no, I don't think I need to…" she was looking at me now, and her face was flushed, although she didn't really seem that embarrassed anymore.

"Can you help me with these pads, Coach?" I reached under my jersey, unhooking the straps. "They're easier getting on than they are getting off."

"Oh, sure…" Miss Haven walked over a little stiffly and gingerly helped pull my shoulder pads and jersey over my head. She held them for a moment while I stretched with my arms upward, high over my head.

"Ohhhhh…" I groaned with a tired smile. "That feels better!" She'd been watching me, of course, but more than that the woman had been staring at my small breasts as they were pulled flat to my chest, my dark nipples standing out like hard little erasers. I began to wonder if she wasn't a lesbian too.

"Oh, here you go," Miss Haven handed me my pads and I had to set them sideways on the floor of my locker since it was a little smaller than the ones in the boy's locker room.

I took off my nutcup last, pulling the pretzel shaped straps of my jock down my legs, and held it up so I could take a little whiff with my nose. "Whew!" I made a face and shook my head. "Time for a washing, I think," 

It smelled like a girl, that was for sure, and all of that was just my way of punishing Miss Haven. I kinda hoped I'd make her want to quit and it was amazing how brazen I could be when I just didn't care, you know? I tossed my jock on the bench, not a foot away from where Miss Haven was standing, grabbed my soap, shampoo, and a towel and headed for the showers. 

"You sure you don't want to take a shower with me, Coach? You can borrow my soap, if you want to."

"No, I'll just change," she shrugged. "I didn't um, I didn't get very dirty or anything."

"Okay," I smiled and headed off.

The shower was hot and it felt good, so I took a really, really long one and by the time I was done Miss Haven had already changed into her normal working clothes, which was basically a starched white nurse's uniform. I got dressed quickly, having gotten bored with teasing Miss Haven already. I'd just wanted to embarrass her and I guessed I'd done it, maybe even gone too far with what I'd said. It had all been the truth, but she probably thought I was exaggerating, and that was okay too.

Part of me wondered a bit why I'd tried to come off so hard as being queer with the woman. I could have humiliated her in other ways, couldn't I? It wasn't like I was attracted to her, I told myself. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye as she waited patiently for me to dress. She had a nice body, sort of athletic as anyone could tell when she'd been on the field in her shorts and t-shirt. Her face was pretty, blue eyes and all, and her boobs weren't too big, but they must have been really firm, or else she had a serious wonder bra. They were pert, and so was her butt. That was the word that came to mind, I decided, pert.

I thought about telling Miss Haven that she should work out. I bet she'd have looked pretty great if she just pushed herself with some weights. Steve would have really gone for her too, I bet. Miss Haven was a little older than Steve, but he liked older women anyway, or so it seemed to me, and we were only talking 3 or 4 years maybe. That wasn't much when you were older. But I didn't say anything, I just stuffed my dirty clothes in my backpack and said goodnight to the woman, hoping she wouldn't be waiting around for me like that everyday. I didn't need a chaperone to play football.

The bad thing was that I hadn't gotten a chance to talk with my three friends that day. Well, that wasn't exactly true, I had chances. But not many, since I'd missed half the school day and most importantly my lunch period, when all the really important stuff got talked about. And then at football I found myself apart from Matt and Lance for most of it, and when we were together we were too out of breath to do much more than grin at each other the way boys do. So, with Daddy picking me up, I couldn't even talk on the long bicycle ride home. But honestly, that was okay with me because I didn't know what I was gonna say.

"Daddy?" We were sitting in the cab of Daddy's tow truck, which is the vehicle I liked most of all. Even more than Rusty Thunder, maybe. That was a cool car and between my Daddy and my brothers, we had 5 cars for driving, 3 for showin' off, 2 pickups, the SUV, 3 motorcycles, a couple go-carts, a ten wheeler flatbed and even a BabyCat Backhoe, but it was that old Mack Super I loved the most. It was big enough to haul Idaho into Wyoming if we wanted to, and it had an old CB radio to talk to the long haulers with. Sitting up high you could see for miles, it seemed like, and I loved it.

"Hmmm…?" Daddy drove at a leisurely pace. He always did, I guess because he was never in a hurry, for some reason. He's the only person I could ever say that about and I wished more than once that I knew the secret.

"Do you think I could have a phone in my room?" I'd been debating asking him all afternoon.

"You reckon you're gonna need one?" Daddy glanced at me in the fading sunlight. It was just after six, but the sun starts going down early come September in Washington.

"Well, I don't know if I need one," I giggled. "But um, well…I'd kinda like one."

"So you can call those boyfriends of yours at 5:30 in the mornin' I suppose," Daddy chuckled so I'd know he was teasing me.

"Yeah, something like that," I teased him back.

"I guess so…Hey…Watch it, I'm drivin over here!" Daddy grinned and shrugged me off as I gave him a little hug.

"Why don'tcha let me drive?" I suggested and he just gave me a look, raising his right eyebrow. "I could get a farmer's permit, you know," I said seriously.

Daddy shook his head, "You ain't a farmer."

"Yeah, but the state don't care. We got about 30 acres we pay aggie tax on." I'd tried this before, a couple times, but daddy just wouldn't budge.

"And we lease it out," Daddy laughed at me. "To real farmers. You get your license when you're 16, same as all your brothers. Hell, a few months you'll have your learner's permit anyway."

"Whoo-hoo!" I gave a little sarcastic holler. "I'm just trying to help out, Daddy. If I had my farm permit I could drive myself; just think, you could be home watchin' the Mariners game right now."

"That's my point," Daddy reached over patting my knee. "I'd miss all this quality time with you!" 

We both laughed at that.

"Mariners playing right now?" Daddy asked a minute later.

"They're in Boston Daddy, the game started at four." I shook my head. My dad always thought the games started at seven o'clock our time, no matter where they were playing.

"Damn," he sighed, but he didn't go any faster. That was my Daddy and I loved him.

I was sitting in the kitchen, drinking a root beer and doing a little homework, when I started thinking about the phone number in my wallet. I'd put it there for safe keeping, although I hardly ever carried my wallet in my pocket. I had it right then though and I took the napkin out, looking at it.

"Julie Perry…" I said softly to myself. I wanted to call her, partly to find out if she knew I was really a girl or not, but mostly because I'd been thinking about her a lot. I guess I was turning queer, for girls and for boys, but I was getting tired of fighting it all the time. I couldn't win, I was realizing slowly, no matter how good a fight I was putting up. Just about the time I thought everything was okay, somebody like Sandy comes along and…POW! Knocks me on my butt. Julie was knocking me on my butt now, just because she was cute and nice, and kinda mysterious the way she hadn't asked my name.

I folded up the napkin and put it away. I couldn't call her, I decided. I mean, what would I say? 

"Hi, this is Ann, remember me? I was the girl at the arcade the other night. You gave me your phone number, remember? Uh, hello? Hello?"

Yeah, that's the way it would go, I thought. She'd be confused and embarrassed and then she'd hang up. Probably move to Seattle or someplace, Nepal maybe, just to get away from me. It was depressing to think about and I just sat there for awhile, fiddling with my wallet.

"Hey," Henry walked in and I was glad to see his eyes were a lot better. Just a little bruising around the left temple and that would be gone by morning I thought.

"Hi," I gave him a little smile. "What'cha doin?"

"Just getting a drink," he opened the fridge. "Did dad talk to you?" he asked me, lowering his voice a little. I guessed Daddy had spoken to him; and Greg too I imagined.

I nodded, but before I could say anything Mark was coming up the stairs from the basement.

"Hey Annie, I was just thinking about you," he grinned and then he noticed Henry standing there.

"Hey Mark," Henry said. "You want a soda?"

"Fuck off," Mark ignored him and I sighed, wishing Mark wasn't like that. But he'd be holding a grudge against Henry for the next 3 years probably. It made me feel bad. 

"Sure," Henry muttered and looked away. 

"Come on, I got something to show you," Mark jerked his head and I got up to follow him downstairs.

"What is it?" I asked, but Mark wouldn't tell me. It was his week to do laundry, my turn was next week but Greg and Henry would be doing it for me. Nobody liked doing laundry. Our laundry room was in the basement, which wasn't very big and unfinished for the most part.

Once we were down there, Mark dug into the hamper where I'd tossed my dirty clothes. "This is yours, I think," he was holding up my jock strap, without the nutcup, of course. I'd left that in my locker.

"Yeah, so?" I shrugged.

"Look closer…It's got lipstick on it," Mark laughed and turned it so I could see that the cotton pouch did have some light red colored stains on it. They even looked like lips, if you used a little imagination, and that was the part of my jock that would have been riding close to my pussy, I realized. The inside part.

"Where did that come from?" I stared at it with wide eyes, forgetting to wonder why my brother would notice something like that in the first place.

"You tell me, sis," Mark thought it was pretty funny.

"I don't know, I just wore it today at practice and…" I started thinking about Miss Haven and her lipstick was… "Holy crap!" I closed my eyes. She had bright red lipstick and I'd left my jock right there in front of her.

"What?" Mark was watching me, obviously dying to find out how I'd gotten lipstick on the inside of my jock.

"No, um…" I couldn't say anything. It was too weird. "Just wash it, okay?" 

I hurried up the stairs, ignoring Mark's voice telling me to wait. It was too embarrassing. Miss Haven had been kissing my jock while I'd been in the shower. I had no doubts about it; she was the only one who could have done it. And I'd asked her if she knew anything about being gay! I laughed to myself, but it was full of irony.

I'd told her everything too, well…Not everything exactly, but close to it. And then what, I wondered? I'd told her that I'd had sex with a girl, told her about my phone sex with Jane, and meeting Julie and then…What? Miss Haven had disappeared for awhile. I began to conjure bizarre images in my head of Miss Haven going into the girl's bathroom and fingering herself, thinking about what I'd been telling her and getting off on it. Was that possible? Was that what she'd been doing?

I was on my bed, thinking about it. Trying to wrap my little brain around the idea that Miss Haven was probably gay and maybe even had the hots for me. Or maybe she just liked jock straps. I laughed to myself, imagining that. Miss Haven sneaking around the locker rooms at night, sniffing jock straps and rubbing her pussy frantically. It was ridiculous and terribly funny. The truth was though that she'd definitely been kissing my jock. Holding it to her nose and touching it to her lips, perhaps even sticking out her tongue and licking at the faint flavor of my sweaty sex.

It was a little exciting to think about that and then I knew I needed my jock back! I ran down the stairs two at a time, through the kitchen and down into the basement. I was huffing and puffing and staring at Mark.

"You didn't wash it yet, did you?" I asked him, licking my lips and sucking air.

Mark laughed at me, "No, ummmm…I thought maybe I'd save it for last." He was pulling it out of his back pocket; at least he'd folded it a little.

"Saving it to show David, more like," I frowned at him as my sense of humiliation returned. I snatched it out of his hand. "I'll wash it myself."

"Okay," Mark said cheerfully. "Sure you don't want to tell me who it was?"

I ignored him and went back to my room, my brain feeling way too full to think straight.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

I was doing reverse leg curls, but I wasn't sure how that was gonna work my girly tits off. I was laying on my tummy on the bench and pulling my legs up one at a time so that my heels practically touched my butt. Coach was sitting next to me though, and he really was touching my butt, telling me how nice and strong my thighs and glutes were.

"You got a great ass, boy," Coach was saying and I turned my head just a little. He had a hard-on, that was for sure. The head and three inches of cock were sticking out the right leg of his shorts and he was dribbling precum on the floor matting.

"You don't think it's kinda…" I paused looking for the right word, "…girly?"

"Girly?" Coach laughed and squeezed my butt hard with both his hands. "Hell yeah you got a girly butt. A regular little bubble butt, but that ain't nothing to be ashamed of. A boy your age should have a girly butt. A nice hot tight one too…" Coach grabbed my right foot as I was lifting it, "…That's enough of those, let's see how it feels."

I was momentarily confused, since I could have told him my butt was kind of sore. I'd been working on my fifth set of ten reps and I was hot and sweaty and my thighs and butt burned a little. I soon understood Coach's meaning though as I watched him pull off his shorts, not even bothering with his jock, since it wasn't supporting him a whole lot anyway. He just pulled it to the side and his big thick penis bounced up and down.

"Now you just stay like that, boy," Coach was saying as he pulled my shorts down. I wasn't wearing any underwear and my jock was safely tucked away in my backpack.

"Yes sir," I breathed and I settled down on the bench, trying to relax because I knew he was going to fuck me. I was gonna have to remember to get my lube out of my locker; it just didn't do me much good in there.

Coach wanted to fuck me bad, I knew, but he was old and knew how to be patient. He let his cock slide between the cheeks of my ass at first, pulling them apart with his strong fingers and making me gasp. His penis felt really big as it moved, sliding back and forth and leaving a trail of wetness that Coach added to with his spit.

"Reach back there and put me in, boy," Coach was telling me. "Tell me how bad you want it."

"I want your cock, Coach," I was breathing a little harder, feeling the now familiar flutter of excitement starting in my belly. I'd been too long waiting for Coach to fuck me.

"Come on, faggot…" Coach slapped my ass hard. "You can do better than that!"

"Ow!" I gasped and my hand squeezed his cock as I rubbed him back and forth, working the head against my tiny puckered anus. "Please, Coach…I need your cock so bad!"

"How bad, faggot?" Coach spanked me again, in the same spot as before and my skin burned.

"Really bad!" I turned my head to look over my shoulder.

Slap! Coach hit me again. "Don't look boy, a little queer like you don't need to see what he's doin' does he?"

"N-No sir!" I was lifting my ass now, squirming and feeling his cock right there, nestled against my little hole, but he was holding me back, not giving me his dick no matter how hard I tried to pull him inside me.

"You're a horny little cocktease, ain't you, Russet?" Coach grabbed my ass, already tender from his heavy hand, and squeezed it so hard I had to bite my lip. The muscles underneath were sore, a lot more than I'd realized.

"Yes sir," I agreed a moment later, my voice husky and full of frustration. I was grinding my hips against the bench, trying to get more pressure on my now aching clit. "I…I'm a horny cock…Tease…Owww!"

Coach was spanking me hard now, a series of slaps from his open palm across my right cheek. I'd given up trying to get his penis inside my ass and I just held it awkwardly with my left hand, my body twisted somewhat and giving Coach a perfect target.

He spanked me for five minutes, I'd bet, until his hand must have been stinging and red. I knew my ass was red, that was for sure. I could feel it burning and the warmth was contagious, spreading through my entire body like a wildfire. My tits were pressed flat to the bench beneath me, and even though it was padded, the sensation was still equal parts pleasure and pain.

"How was that, Russet? You like that don't you, getting your ass spanked like that?"

"Yessss…" I breathed and it was true, I'd enjoyed every second of it. Another little piece of the Ann Russet jigsaw puzzle that I couldn't quite fit. What was it about Coach that made me like it so much when he punished me?

"Now ask me to fuck your faggot ass," Coach had taken his cock away from me and he rubbed it around my asshole slowly. "Ask me nice, boy."

"Coach…" I breathed, "…Will you please fuck my faggot ass now?" It sounded like I was begging for it, and maybe I was at that point. I couldn't be sure of anything, my head was spinning and my body was on fire.

"You bet, son," Coach said gently, but his voice had an edge of confidence to it that was unmistakable. He could do anything he wanted to and I was his slave, face down and taking his cock up my ass like a good boy should.

Just that would have been enough to push me over; combined with a sudden jolt of painful pressure as Coach stabbed a good 4 or 5 inches of his rock hard penis inside my weakly resisting ass, I was totally lost. I wrapped my arms around the bench, hugging myself to it as I lifted my hips instinctively. My legs curled up behind me, tightening my thighs and the muscles in my ass, squeezing Coach's cock even harder as he grabbed my hips and rammed himself deeper still. I was cumming, just like that, after being spanked and teased, all I'd needed was the feel of his dick splitting me apart.

"Ugh…Goddamn Russet, you're tighter than hell today!" Coach was pulling me to meet him, his fingers digging into my soft skin and his pelvis slapping hard against my round firm ass. "Relax faggot…Breathe…Let me fuck you now…"

I hadn't even realized I'd been holding my breath. I'd been too busy cumming, my whole body felt like it was being compressed, being crushed under a silky soft weight that enveloped me completely. My chest was tight and every muscle contracted and straining with the effort of…

"Wha…what…" I croaked softly and then I finally did hitch a breath into my weak lungs, almost coughing from it. I relaxed my arms and then the rest of my body followed, the pleasure that followed was indescribable. Where my first orgasm had been a war with my body, this one was a tender bath for my senses.

"That's it, boy…Good…Uhhhh-huh…How's that feel…Hmmm…" Coach was grunting behind me and his cock slipped easily back and forth in my rectum, now liberally greased with his precum.

"Ohhhh…" All I could do was sigh and hump my hips a little, my attempts to urge Coach on being weak at best. My body was bathed in sweat as I lay there, my head reeling from the sudden release of endorphins. I'd found some sort of new high, brought on by my workout and the rough stimulation of Coach's spankings, and the intensity of my first orgasm. This was by far the best cum of my young life. It was like meeting God face to face and finding out that he's a really, really nice guy.

"You sleeping down there, faggot?" Coach slapped my ass again hard and slammed his prick into my ass as deep as it would go, but I barely felt it. There was no pain at all and I felt like giggling.

"N-no…No sir…" I answered finally and I tried to rock my body against him.

"Good…Cause ugh!…I want you to know…Ugh!…I'm gonna cum…" Coach was grunting and working his prick in and out of me hard. I had no idea how long we'd been fucking. My mind was in a fog and it could have been minutes or hours.

"Uhhh yeah…" I whispered. "Cum in my…Uhhh…My ass…"

"I will boy…" Coach chuckled. "Gaagh…Damn right I will…Ugh!"

When Coach did cum I was just starting to slip from my cloud. He was working my body hard against the bench, pushing and pulling at my hips, and I could feel the distant burning in my ass. He'd really had to force his way inside me at first and I dimly realized that I'd be feeling it later.

"Here…Here it cums, boy…Oh…Shit, you little fag…Take it…Take it all!" Coach didn't slow down, even as I felt the soft warmth of his sperm spilling inside my guts, he kept fucking me hard. "Gonna churn some butter, boy…" Coach breathed, "…Churn some butter in that hot little hole of yours."

I smiled at his words and moaned with the sensations of his cock working in and out of me almost completely by then. His cum was spilling out of my ass, oozing around his swollen shaft as he moved, and I could feel it running to the insides of my thighs. Coach kept it up for another few minutes before his cock had had enough, slipping out of me semi-hard and coated with the bubbly, pungent remains of our sex.

Coach moved to the head of the bench and presented his cock for my mouth to clean. I propped myself up on my forearms and let Coach hold my head in his strong hands, working his cock back and forth between my tightly rounded lips. He didn't go too fast or too deep, he was content just to let me wash the head and then lick along the shaft and around his balls until he was satisfied.

"You're a hell of a good fuck, you know that Russet?" Coach rubbed his fingers through my short blonde hair and I smiled up at him, licking my lips. "Damn fine piece of ass."

Later that morning I had a chance to talk to Lance, but first I'd made a stop by the school nurse's office. I hadn't really known what I was going to do, but I'd been thinking on it hard. When I passed by Miss Haven's door and saw it was open I took a peek, feeling my nerves jangling with anticipation. Luckily she wasn't in there and I took that as a sign that I was doing the right thing. 

I pulled my jock strap out of my bag, along with the little note I'd written, and put them in the top drawer of her desk. That done I felt even more nervous than I had going in; I definitely didn't want to be caught coming out of her office! I could have made an excuse going in, but after leaving my little gift…I swallowed hard and checked the halls and dashed to my next class, feeling the always welcome jubilation of getting away with something really big. 

Now I'd just have to wait and see if I really had or not.

 

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