Girl Fag 02
Let's talk about football, while I'm still remembering being 14 again. Everything weird happened when I was 14; I guess that's just puberty. You know, I've never really discussed this stuff before. Never written it down like this. I think it helps a little.
So anyway, given my status as 'just one of the guys', it didn't seem too awfully strange to people when I tried out for the school football team. The state had told all the schools that if they used government money, then they had to make all team sports available to girls. That meant either an all girls team, or if there wasn't one, like football, then girls could try out for the boys team if they wanted. I don't think there were a whole lot of girls who wanted to play football though. I was the only one I ever knew of for sure, but someone said there were some girls in Seattle who played.
Matt and Lance had come by and with my brother Greg, they helped me get ready. I was going to be wearing the same pads my brothers had worn. We actually had like 3 or 4 complete sets around the house, but Mark, my 3rd oldest brother, was on the varsity team. And Henry was on the junior varsity team, so I had the leftovers.
"What the heck is this?" I was holding up a molded piece of plastic.
"A nut cup," Lance laughed at me. He was already wearing his pads, so was Matt. We were all three going to tryouts together.
I was standing there in the room I shared with Greg and Henry, wearing just a pair of boxers and a t-shirt and knee-high athletic socks.
"It goes in this…" Greg was digging through the old cardboard box that had all the pads and stuff in it. He pulled out a weird looking bit of stretchable fabric that looked like a pretzel, sort of, "…It's a supporter." He showed me how there was a pocket and the nut cup went in there.
"Jock strap!" Matt grinned at me, but I ignored him.
"How'd you guys keep this a secret from me?" I looked at Greg and he shrugged.
"Didn't know you cared," he said.
"What am I gonna do with it?" I wondered.
"Everybody's got to wear one," Lance was grinning. "Coach said."
"Really?" I thought he was teasing me. "But I don't have nuts."
"So?" Matt shook his head. "He's gonna check, believe me. You better wear it Ann."
"Yeah," Greg agreed. "Coach is a dick. If you don't wear it he hits you in the balls."
"I don't have balls though," I repeated.
"Up to you," Greg shrugged, but he made it sound like I'd better.
"All right," I sighed and pulled off my boxers so I just stood there naked from the waist down, except my socks. I took the cup and the supporter thing. "How's this go? Like this?"
We finally managed it and I didn't really think much about showing my butt to those guys, except Lance sort of looked at me weird. Licking his lips and not saying much. He was really close to my pussy, mostly, helping to get that cup just right. I pulled the supporter up and that cup thing was totally uncomfortable.
"Like this?"
"Here…Your jock is crooked," Matt fooled around with the stretchy straps, kind of getting them the right way around my butt. His fingertips sort of rubbed me a little and I turned around looking at him. "There," he looked away, blushing a little.
"It feels weird." I got on my bed, standing up so I could see myself in the mirror above the dresser we shared. I had smooth pale thighs, narrow hips too, but they were getting rounder, and a thin waist. But seeing that white jock strap with that plastic bulging in the pouch looked really weird, but…Sexy weird, you know? Like I might almost have something in there to protect. Well, I guess getting hit in my pussy would hurt a lot too, so this was probably a good idea anyway.
"Yeah," Greg laughed at me. "You'll get used to it."
I jumped off the bed and pulled off my t-shirt. "Grab my bra there, Lance," I pointed at the closest thing I had to a sports bra, it was hanging off the doorknob.
I hardly ever wore a bra. In fact, I think it's safe to say that I could count all the times I'd worn a bra before that day on one hand. The one I was putting on was really more like a training bra. I'd gotten it like a year before from my aunt, who'd decided a girl should have a bra no matter what. My daddy didn't care though; he wasn't making me wear it if I didn't want to. My boobs were growing, but they weren't anything but little A-cups then. I mostly hoped they wouldn't grow at all. They were embarrassing.
"You're boobs are growing!" Matt stared at me. He'd seen my boobs a hundred times, but it had been a few months. I guess he noticed it more than I did, since I saw them every day.
"Nah," I laughed at him. "You just need glasses!"
"Yeah, they're getting big, Ann," Lance nodded.
I took my bra from him, "No they're not; they're the same as they were before." But when I tried to put my bra on it was totally uncomfortable. The good thing about my training bra was that it was adjustable and I let it out all the way, but even that was uncomfortable. My boobs were pulled tight so they sort of puffed out a little and looked stupid.
"Did the coach say everybody's gotta wear a bra too?" I looked at the guys and we all giggled.
I took it off and just put the pads on over my shoulders. "How do I look?" I was wearing big old football pads with little 32A tits and a girl body, and a big plastic nut cup and a jock strap between my thighs. The socks definitely made the outfit, I thought, and I laughed out loud at myself.
"You sure you wanna go without a bra?" Greg asked me.
"Yeah it's cool, It ain't touch football anyway," I grinned at my friends. "I wanna pound somebody!"
Matt and Lance glanced at each other and laughed, but they didn't look too sure about it.
I put on one of my brother's old jerseys and then the pants, old stained white ones with pads that fit into weird pocket-like enclosures on my hips and thighs. I put on his old cleats, stuffing some toilet paper in the toes and lacing them up really tight because they were sort of big for me. But the helmet fit okay, it was a small one and Greg said when I made the team they'd give me a new one anyway.
We were running late, so Lance, Matt, and I ran downstairs and were getting on our bikes to ride to school when my Daddy stopped us. He was pulling up the driveway in the tow truck.
"Football tryouts?" he looked at me and I nodded. "Don't let nobody grab your ass!" he frowned. "You guys make sure huh?" he stared at Lance and Matt. "Anybody tries to grab her ass you mess him up, got it?"
"Yes sir!" they both answered. My Daddy had said that to them a hundred times probably.
"Have fun. Be home straight after, girl. We'll save you some dinner."
"Okay Daddy!" I nodded. He really is a pretty good dad, I love him. We took off on our bikes, riding fast down the county road because we were really running late now.
The first thing we had to do at football tryouts was run. I don't know why. But I didn't ask either, I just did it. Five laps around the football field and it was harder than I thought it would be, running with the helmet on felt hot and we had to keep our teeth guard plastic things in our mouths all the time too. And that nut cup was seriously annoying! It was rubbing me all wrong, really chafing my skin. I had to reach down just to move it around to different spots.
But I was glad I had it! After we were done running we all lined up. There were about 20 of us, all 13-15 years old and standing on one of the white lines they painted on the grass. Coach came along, looking at us while we were huffing and puffing and he was talking about how football was only fun sometimes, the rest of the time it was work. Hard work. If we didn't want to work we should go home and join the Chinese checkers club or something. And then, as he walked and talked, he'd hit people right on their nut cups! A good sharp rap with his knuckles so he could hear that loud plastic sound.
RAP…RAP…RAP… "OWWW!"
"Where's your cup?" Coach growled at a boy who hadn't worn one, but he was busy nursing his nuts. "Go sit down over there…Anybody that don't wear a cup every day is gonna have a short and miserable football career!"
RAP…RAP…RAP… "OWWW!"
"GODAMMIT!" Coach yelled. "Next one don't wear his cup is gonna be drinking Gatorade from his anus!"
I had no idea what that meant, but it sounded sort of bad.
RAP…RAP…RAP…RAP…He walked right on by me, giving me a rap and nodding his head. I don't really think he knew I was a girl at that point, truthfully. I was pretty happy I'd worn that cup though.
Later on though, Coach did find out which one I was. He was holding a clipboard with the names of all the kids who'd signed up. "Russet!" he yelled. "Ann Russet, where you at?"
"Right here Coach!" I held up my arm. I could hear some of the other guys snickering a little, talking amongst themselves.
"Shut-up!" Coach growled at them. "Russet, you sure you wanna play football?"
"Yes sir!" I said. "I love football, Coach!"
"You don't wanna be a cheerleader?" he looked at me through my helmet.
"No sir!" I shook my head.
"You gonna cry on my football field, Russet?"
"No sir!" I stood up a little straighter. "I ain't gonna cry."
"Well, your brothers play some mean football, Russet. What do you figure on doin'?"
"I figured I'd be a running back, Coach." I was always the running back when we played in the neighborhood. "And linebacker too!"
"More like tight end!" someone said and it was such a predictable joke only a couple guys laughed at it. And of course somebody else had to say, "Or wide receiver!"
Coach ignored them and so did I, "How much you weigh Russet?"
"Uh, about 85lbs, Coach."
"Pretty scrawny for a running back or a linebacker," he rubbed his chin. "How about kicking? You ever do any of that ballet dancing stuff?"
"No Coach, but…Uh, I kicked my brothers in the balls before." The guys laughed at me and I sort of blushed. I didn't want to be a kicker, they were fags!
"Oh yeah?" he grinned at me. "Which one?"
"All of em, probably," I shrugged, even though that's hard to do in pads.
"Well, hell Russet, you just might be one of my linebackers then!" He looked down the line, "Hades!"
Brian Hades was the biggest 14 year old in existence. Everybody agreed on that. He was almost six feet tall and probably 150lbs and it wasn't fat. I thought about him a lot at night, after that first practice. But right now I was feeling nervous as he stepped out of the line about a dozen guys down on my left.
"Yeah Coach?" he had a deep voice too.
Coach stepped back and picked up a football, tossing it to him. "You run over there, Hades," he pointed to my right. "Russet, get out here," he pointed at a spot. "Now when I blow my whistle, you tackle him. Got it?"
I nodded and my heart was hammering.
I remember the whistle blowing and I remember deciding that if I was gonna die, at least everybody would know they weren't burying some fag kicker. I ran at Brian as hard as I could and he didn't try to dodge or anything. I launched myself and…
…I woke up lying on top of Brian, our helmets close together and he was rubbing my left boob through my jersey. "…feels nice!" he was grinning and then Coach yanked me up, clapping me on the helmet and it made my headache even worse.
"Now that's a football player!" he pushed me back to the line. "Goddamn! I guess you are a Russet!"
We had more tackling drills, sometimes I had the football, sometimes one of the boys had it, but almost without fail I found them feeling my boobs mostly, sometimes my ass, every chance they got. Even Lance and Matt did it. It sort of burned me at first, but by the end of the two hours I was used to it. It wasn't worth fighting over.
I made the team at least. Well, everyone did, since there were only 20 of us. We'd all have to play at least two positions and sometimes go straight from offense to defense without a break, Coach said, so that meant we had to work extra hard. I guess that's why we did 5 more laps before he let us go home. I was exhausted, bruised, and a little embarrassed.
"What were you guys doin' out there?" I was riding my bike close to Matt, but Lance wasn't too far. He could hear me.
"What?" Lance looked back over his shoulder.
"You know what. You were feeling my boobs! Both you guys!"
"No we weren't!" Matt protested. But he wouldn't look at me.
"You were too and when I tell my brothers they're gonna cream you guys!" I felt like crying, even though I didn't know why exactly. I didn't usually go cryin' to my brothers either, that was sorta weird and just shows how confused I really was.
"Ann! C'mon! Its football…We gotta touch you!"
"All the guys were touchin' you, jeepers. Chill out dude!"
"You guys wanna feel my tits?" I hadn't realized I was so mad, but it was all coming out. "You want to? I'll let you do it right here!" I stopped my bike and started pulling my jersey out of my pants. It was only half tucked in anyway.
"Ann, stop it, man!" Lance and Matt stopped too. "We weren't doing anything, okay? Maybe some of the other guys were, but not us," Matt was talking and I just stared at him. "Look if you think we were doing it, I'm sorry. You just gotta chill though…"
"We weren't feeling you up. We seen you a hundred times, you're like our sister or something, okay? Not even that…"
"Like our brother," Matt nodded.
"I don't believe you guys. I seen you looking at me before. I should have known better!" I wiped at my eyes and started pushing my pedals again, but Lance grabbed my handle bars, stopping me.
"No, look we didn't do what you think, okay? What's the matter with you?"
I left them there, staring after me, and that was the problem. I didn't know what was wrong with me! It was football; they were supposed to touch me, even my boobs and butt. Why did I get all bothered about it? I worried that I'd been imagining things, making a lot more out of nothing than it really was. I rode home trying to remember every time somebody had tackled me, or I'd tackled them…
"Brian Hades," I muttered to myself. It was his fault, because I knew he was feeling my boobs after I'd tackled him. I knew it for a fact. I'd been a little dizzy, but I remember him saying how good they felt and the way his handsome face was grinning at me behind his face mask. After that I just assumed every guy out there was doing it. That must be it. Matt and Lance hadn't copped any feels, they wouldn't have done that, I was sure. We were best friends.
As soon as I got home I called Lance and told him I was sorry. He said it was cool, he understood. I called Matt's house too, but he wasn't home yet. I felt like a total butthead for acting the way I had.
When I went to bed that night, I was thinking about Brian Hades though. Sort of mad at him, but feeling…Itchy too. Warm all over and I went to sleep thinking about me lying on top of him, except we weren't wearing any clothes.
"Hi guys!" I was already waiting on my bike when Lance and Matt pedaled up to my house. "Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday. I just…"
"It's cool, man," Lance smiled at me and Matt did too.
"Yeah, it's okay. Some of those guys are gonna be suckin' later!" Matt nodded his head. "We're gonna take care of it."
"Specially that Hades guy," Lance gave Matt a high five. "He thinks he's tough, but nobody likes him anyway. He was totally grabbing your tits too."
"Yeah," I nodded, smiling, but inside I was cringing. How could I tell them it was okay? I didn't really mind Brian grabbing my boobs. I was sort of hoping he'd do it again, despite my confused anger the previous day.
"He's a fag," Matt jerked his head. "Let's go…"
RAP…RAP…RAP…OWWWW!!!
"Ya'll stupid? I told you boys yesterday, wear your cups!" Coach was walking the line again after our 5 laps and 15 minutes of stretching. "Listen up now! We got ourselves a locker room and I got your locker assignments. I'm gonna call your name and you get a lock and a key. You lose that key and I'm gonna charge you for a new padlock! Ya'll keep that locker room clean and don't be running in the showers! I catch any of you runnin' in the showers and that means you didn't run enough out here! Got it?"
Coach called names in alphabetical order and I was sort of wondering if he'd call my name or not. He hadn't said anything about the girls locker room.
"Russet!" I walked up and he gave me my lock and my key and told me "You're in 121 Russet, you got a jersey and helmet already waiting for you. There's enough towels for everybody, but just one. Ain't no cheerleaders on this team. I give you lucky 13, okay? That's your number."
"Yeah," I nodded. "Um…Coach? Is that in the, uh…Girls locker room?"
"What did I just say?" he stared at me. "We got one football team, Russet. We got one locker room! Cheerleaders are in the girls locker room." He rubbed his jaw, "You tellin' me I made a mistake?"
"Uh, no sir!" I licked my lips. "One team, yes sir!" I walked away feeling my heart beating a little faster.
"Well?" Lance was looking at me. He was in locker 112 and Matt was in 107 so they were sort of close, I thought. I had no idea, since I'd never been in the boy's locker room.
"Um…121," I held up my key. "I'm number thirteen too," I grinned at that, because it was a cool number.
"Hey!" Brian Hades grinned at me. "Right next to me! I'm in 120…"
I blushed a little and I was glad we were wearing helmets. Matt and Lance gave him dirty looks, I thought.
"You can borrow my soap, if you want," Brian stepped closer, putting his helmet next to mine. "Just don't drop it!"
I felt butterflies in my tummy and I pushed him away from me. "I don't want anything of yours," I told him. I walked away and Matt and Lance walked with me.
"Gonna be weird seeing you in the locker room," Matt said.
"Yeah, I think some of these guys are like retarded," Lance nodded.
"What does that mean?" I looked at him.
"Just, I heard a couple guys talking like how they wanted to know if you had a boyfriend."
"What did you tell them?" I looked around, wondering who was asking.
"I didn't say anything!" Lance laughed. He probably figured anything he might have said would have just made me mad again.
"That Hades guy, he said you had a boyfriend," Matt looked over his shoulder at Brian, who was standing around with a bunch of guys laughing about something.
"He said what?" I asked. I'd never had a boyfriend in my life. "He doesn't even know me."
"He said he was your boyfriend," Matt looked at me like he wanted to laugh, but was waiting to see what I did first.
"Really?" my butterflies were back.
"He's total ass, dude," Lance slapped me on the helmet. "We're gonna hit him when we do the yardlines."
"Yeah," Matt grinned.
Yardlines were when 3 guys lined up on the goal line and tried to stop one person from scoring with the football.
"All right! Put your locks and keys on the bench!" Coach was yelling. "Stop yer yabbering and huddle up!"
Later I found myself in the utterly unexpected environment of the boys locker room. I was next to Brian on one side and a guy named Lenny Solomon on the other. He was the littlest guy on the team, even smaller than me, and was going to be a tight end. We didn't figure Coach had a lot of plays involving the tight end very much.
I found my new jersey, red and yellow and with big white numbers on the back. "Lucky thirteen," I smiled and looked at my helmet; it was red too with a yellow strip down the top and 13 on the back in small numbers. I'd taken off my old one and tried it on, just like everybody else was doing.
"Thirteen, huh?" Brian was looking at me. "I'm number seven." Brian was going to be the quarterback mostly, and whatever Coach needed on defense. He was the best player we had.
"Cool," I nodded and put my helmet back on the shelf. I looked around; there were twenty guys in there, well…nineteen guys and me. I wasn't usually very shy, but I sort of didn't want to undress with Brian right there. The other guys I didn't really care about.
The good thing was, today we didn't have to undress, since we didn't have any clothes to change into or anything, but tomorrow, everybody would bring some. Me too. And we'd shower and change after practice. It kind of gave me goose bumps, thinking about it.
"Hey, how come you're playing football?" Brian asked me.
"I like it," I shrugged. "How come you are?"
"Cause," he laughed. "I'm a boy. I'm sposed to. But you're a girl."
"Yeah? So what?"
There were more guys now, a little closer, like they'd been expecting this conversation.
"So. I heard you like girls, like you wanna be a guy or something."
"No, I don't," I looked around and felt my face turning red. "I just like guy stuff, I don't know. Why do you care anyway?"
"So you ain't a queer?" Brian was looking down at me. He was at least a foot taller than I was and weighed almost twice as much. He had buzz cut blonde hair and deep blue eyes. He had nice lips, sort of thick but…Nice when he smiled, with really cute dimples. I swallowed and looked away.
"I ain't queer."
"You ever kissed a boy?" he grinned at me and some of the other guys were grinning too.
"Maybe," I said and then Lance and Matt were coming over.
"Hey, you ready to go, dude?" Matt looked at me while Lance stared at Brian.
"Dude?" Brian laughed. "If that's a dude, I'm turning queer!"
"Big surprise," Matt muttered.
"What's your problem?" Lance asked Brian. Lance and Matt were about the same size, maybe five and half feet tall 120 or 130 maybe, not skinny, but sort of wiry strong, you know. It would take both of them to take Brian on. And Hades had friends there too.
"No problem, man. I was just asking her why she wants to play football," Brian closed his locker. "If you guys are fuckin' her all you gotta do is say so."
"You better shut up!" Matt told him.
"Who's gonna make me?" Brian pushed him a little. "You?"
"Yeah!" Matt shoved back and then Lance tried to hit Brian in the head and just hit his shoulder pad.
After that it was just everybody shoving and shouting and I was trying to break it up when the Coach started yelling.
"What's going on? Hey! Hey!" He was grabbing people by the pads and yanking them out of the way until he got to where Brian, Matt, Lance, and I were more or less holding each other's jerseys and pushing and pulling without much result.
"What kind of crap is this?" he looked at us. "Let go! Everybody!" We all let go. "Now what the hell was this all about?"
Matt looked down. Lance looked at me. I started to open my mouth to say something, but Brian started talking first. "My fault, Coach. I was talking about how I never saw a girl play football before."
"Well you seen one now and she kicked your ass out there!" Coach looked around at all the guys. "She kicked all ya'lls ass. If we had ten more like her we'd be state champions. You might be bigger…" he looked at Brian. "And you might be faster, and you might even have dicks!"
There was some smirking but Coach looked around and it was quiet again.
"Havin' a dick never won a football game! Being bigger never won a football game! You gotta have balls if you wanna be champions!" He looked at me, "You gotta have balls to walk in a boys locker room with tits! Ya'll go ahead and piss her off; I'm staying out of it. This is your locker room. But when Russet kicks your ass, don't come running to me! Got it?"
Coach walked out and left us looking at each other. I was a little embarrassed actually by what he'd said. But not too much and maybe he was right. Lance and Matt looked at Brian and then at me, asking if I was ready to go home.
"Yeah," I nodded.
"Hey, uh…I'm sorry," Brian gave me a half-smile. "Um, Ann…Right?"
"Yeah. It's okay," I smiled too, thinking I was liking him a lot and not understanding why. "Brian."
"You believe that guy…" Lance and Matt talked all the way home, but I wasn't paying too much attention. Mostly I was thinking about Brian and how we'd be taking a shower together after practice tomorrow. I'd taken off that stupid nut cup, there was no way I could ride my bike with it on. But I left the jock strap on, I sort of liked the way it felt when I was rubbing myself on the bicycle seat.
When I got home I went up to my room, looking for Greg to help me take off my jersey. It was hard getting it over the pads, but he wasn't around. Nobody was around except Steve, he was doing his homework, or so he said. But I saw what he was really doing on the computer before he realized I was there in our little den.
"Hey, what was that?" I asked, grinning at him.
Steve is kind of the strange one in our family, well…I guess we're all a little strange, but he's stranger than most of us. He was going to college then, studying mechanical drafting, but mostly he studied boobs on the internet.
"Uh…Nothing." He looked over his shoulder at me, "How's football?"
"It's okay. Can you help me get my jersey off?" I looked at him and he laughed at me. "What?"
"Come here. Do it like this," he reached under my jersey and unhooked the pads, loosened up the laces too. "Now just take it all off at once." I did it, lifting my pads with the jersey still over them, right off my shoulders.
"Wow!" I giggled and put my pads down on the old couch we had in there. "That was easy." I wondered why I hadn't thought of that before.
"Yeah," Steve replied, but he was staring at me. I was naked from the waist up.
"What?" I put my hands on my hips.
"Nothing," he rubbed his ear with his finger like he was cleaning it. Steve was a good looking guy. I think all my brothers are good looking, but I'm sort of partial. He has dark hair, like my Daddy, and a nice body. He had a couple girlfriends, but nothing ever serious.
"I'm gonna, um…Go take a shower," I sort of tilted my head. I don't know why we were looking at each other. But he just kept staring at me and I kept looking back.
"Everything okay with the football, huh?"
"Yeah," I shrugged. "I just said so, why?"
"Matt called last night, asking for you. I told him you were sleeping and…"
"Why'd you tell him that?"
"Because you were!" Steve laughed at me. "Anyway, he said you were pissed cause some guys were feeling you up."
"Yeah, I don't know," I shook my head. "It's no big deal." I smiled at him, wondering if he was going to offer to beat someone up for me. Steve was pretty much my self-appointed champion and had been since I could remember.
"Well, just don't be pissed, okay?" he said and that surprised me.
"I'm not. Come on, Steve…" I rolled my eyes.
"I mean it, Ann. Guys are gonna do that, they don't know you're a…" he frowned.
"A what?"
"A...I don't know what…I just mean they're gonna think you want it, you know? Unless you do something about it."
"I'm gonna want it?" I snorted. "I don't want anything, Steve."
"Right, but, you know…You're hot," he gestured a little helplessly. "Even with the buzz head cut, you're prime, you know? I'd do you."
"You'd do me?" I giggled and gave him a look, like 'What the hell are you talking about?'
"In a heartbeat," he laughed. "Seriously. Sister or not."
"Uh…" I didn't know what to think about that.
"Don't you ever think about it?"
"About what?" I was suddenly aware of my nakedness, probably for the first time ever around him.
"About me and you."
"No," I told him truthfully. "You're my brother, Steve."
"Yeah, so?"
"Yeah…so…brother…sister…incest…" I was rolling my hand, urging him to follow the logic. "Sort of pisses God off maybe?"
"Aw, come on, Ann. You mean pisses Pop off?"
"Same thing, God…Dad…You just need a girlfriend, Steve. Not some tits on the computer. That'll make you crazy, man!"
"Yeah. I don't know…" he smiled a little. "You're right, I'm sorry…I just. I love you, ya know? I keep thinking…Uh…" he stopped and I urged him to finish.
"Thinking what?"
"I just wish I could find a girlfriend cool like you, that's all. Every girl I go out with I…They're just totally boring."
"So you want to date a 14 year old grease monkey?" I laughed at him and rubbed my head. My hair was only like 3 inches long at the most. "Some girl who looks like this?" I rolled my eyes at him.
"Yeah, why not? Maybe some 20 year old grease monkey." Steve turned to the computer, "Here…"
He clicked on something with the mouse and a picture popped up of some girl with really short hair like mine. She was sort of muscular too, wearing just red thong bikini bottoms. She was attractive, sort of older looking, like 30 maybe, with bleached hair. I could see the dark roots, but she was cute anyway.
"Who's that?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "I just like the way she looks. She's like an amateur body builder, fixes motorcycles and stuff. She's like you."
I laughed a little self-consciously, "Like me? You think I look like that?"
"No!" Steve laughed. "Bonehead. I just think someday, I don't know. You should work out a little; I think it would be cool."
"Be a muscle girl?" I struck a little pose, gritting my teeth like an idiot.
"Yeah, I don't know. You got muscles anyway, more than any other girl around here. I'm just saying you got the body for it and the mind, the attitude, you know?"
"No, I don't know," I sighed and sat down finally, taking off my cleats. "She's probably a lesbian."
"Nah. I don't think so, it says on her web site she's married with two kids already."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," Steve changed the picture to a different one, the woman naked on a motorcycle, her tanned body streaked with grease or oil or something. "You uh, you're not…Are you?"
"Not what?" I looked at him.
"A lesbian," he shrugged. "Like mom was?"
"Like mom?" I laughed. "I don't know. I don't think so." I didn't really think I was anything yet…But I wanted to be, one way or the other, just so I'd stop feeling so weird all the time. Like I couldn't decide.
"Okay." He looked at the kitchen, "Are you hungry? Pop took everybody to Beaverton. They're gonna be there all night probably."
"I'm hungry. I need a shower though," I nodded. "Did you tell him to get me some popcorn?" Walmart sells these huge bags of popcorn for a dollar. Mostly that's all I ever wanted.
"He knows, sis," Steve laughed. "And I think Greg's gonna look for that Eminem CD too."
"The D-12 one?" I rolled my eyes. "Even if they got it, there won't be any swear words."
"So? You'll still be cool."
"No I won't," I frowned. Can't be cool with a censored CD everybody knows that! But Daddy wouldn't buy anything with the explicit lyrics label on it anyway, so I was screwed until I could get a ride over to Wilverness. There was a real music store there, mostly cause one of the guys from Nirvana was from there. Or Pearl Jam maybe. One of those old bands. Maybe Kyle could run me over, I thought, since I'd finally fixed his car.
"Go get cleaned up, I'll fix you some eggs. Want some ham or bacon?"
"Bacon. Lots of it!" I giggled. I love bacon.
I stood in the bathroom naked, flexing my muscles for the mirror. I was 14 years old and I didn't have any muscles. I don't know what Steve was talking about. I made a face at the mirror and stepped into the shower and it was about two minutes later, my eyes shut tight against the shampoo, that I heard a knock and the door opened.
"Hey your food's ready, sis."
"That was fast," I said above the sound of the shower.
"Yeah. The bacon was already cooked." There was a pause…And then more pause. I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair and opened the clear plastic shower curtain enough to peek out. It didn't really hide anything but the details anyway.
"You want to come in?" Steve was standing there and when I said that he smiled and started unbuttoning his shirt. "Too bad!" I stuck out my tongue and giggled, closing the curtain again.
"Tease!" my brother laughed and left the bathroom.
Later I asked him, "When do you figure they'll be back?" We were half-laying on the couch, half on the floor, being total lazy slobs. It was fun. I was reading a Spiderman comic book and Steve was watching an old Star Trek show, the one with Mr. Spock and Captain Kirk.
"Bout ten maybe, or a bit later," Steve rubbed my head and I leaned up against him. "Who'd win, Captain Kirk or the Headless Horseman?"
"Headless Horseman."
"Mmmm…Yeah," Steve nodded. We'd been playing that game ever since we saw Sleepy Hollow. Our expert opinion was the Headless Horseman could take anyone.
"Steve?"
"Yeah?"
"If um, if we did it…Could you, like pretend I was a guy?"
"What?" he tilted his chin down to his chest and looked at me.
"Like two guys. Could we do it like that?"
He laughed at me and I felt my body burning a little. It was bad enough that I'd been almost shaking just trying to get the words out.
"What are you talking about? Sex?"
"Yeah," I looked up at him, into his eyes. He sort of looks like Tom Cruise, but taller and better looking. "I just, I don't know…I've been trying to figure it out."
"Figure what out?" he was shaking his head. "I'm totally lost, sis."
"I just, I don't ever want to be a girl," I sighed.
"But you are a girl," he pulled me up a little so I was sort of lying on his chest and he hugged me. "It's just gonna get harder," he whispered.
Steve knew me better than anybody else and I thought it would be easier trying to talk to him. But really, I guess I could have talked to any of my brothers like this, even Scott, except he's sort of weird. The rest of us are strange, but Scott, the second oldest and about 5 years older than me, is just weird.
"Yeah. But…I thought if I could be a guy and still…like guys, you know, then I'd be more…happy. Or something," I started biting my thumb nail, and I hate that.
"So you want to be like a gay guy?" Steve laughed again. "You're queer."
"Yeah!" I looked up and smiled. "Yeah! Exactly! I'm a fag!" It all made sense, sort of. I really was born in the wrong body, if you like that sort of analogy. But not because I wanted to have sex with other women, but because I was a male homosexual inside! "I'm a fag in the body of a girl!"
Steve hugged me and took a deep breath, "Did you start smoking dope or something?"
"No!" I giggled. "I'm serious!"
"I never even heard of that on Springer, Ann," Steve shifted a little and spread his legs so my right hip nestled in between his thighs comfortably.
"Me neither," but I didn't watch a lot of TV either. "You think there's a word for what I am?"
"You mean besides crazy?" he grinned at me.
"Yeah. Besides that one," I grinned back.
"I dunno," Steve shrugged. "So you wanna do it like two guys?" he asked me softly.
"Uh…" I looked at him and whispered. "Do you?"
"I don't know how two guys do it, but if you want to pretend you're a guy…" he smiled. "I'll try it."
"Okay."
We sort of laid there for a few minutes. I didn't know what to do and I don't think Steve did either. He was 21 already, but this was probably way different than anything else he'd ever done.
"You want to get dressed?" he suggested. I was just wearing a big t-shirt and some shorts. "You sort of look like a girl," he chuckled.
"Okay, um…What should I wear?" I was really warm all over now, but in a good way, and my heart was beating faster.
My nipples itched too and I really hoped this wasn't a bad thing we were doing. I loved Steve so much, I knew he'd never hurt me. He wouldn't laugh at me or tell anyone about me. I didn't think anything we did would change how we felt, or how we treated each other. He was my brother and always would be.
Steve licked his lips. "I never thought about a guy before, I don't know," he pursed his lips. "Just put on some underwear and uh, some pants I guess. Get that old Texaco shirt of yours."
"The oily one?" I laughed. It was green and clean, but stained with like 20 years of grease. There was an old red Texaco star and 'Russet' embroidered above the pocket. I think it had been Daddy's when he'd worked at the gas station when he was like 17 or something. All my brothers had worn it, now it was mine. But it was definitely a man's shirt.
"Yeah," my brother nodded, "and then come into the den."
"The den?" I looked at him funny but I agreed. "Okay."
"And uh, just pretend I'm somebody else. I don't know, one of your friends or something."
"Brian," I said softly. "I'll just uh, call you Brian, okay?"
"Okay," Steve nodded. "We'll just be a couple guys then."
"Yeah," I giggled at the thought. But I liked it too.
I put on some old Joe Boxer shorts and a pair of faded jeans, leaving my shirt loose. I didn't bother with a bra, I never did anyway, and I thought maybe Steve would just ignore my boobs. I hoped so anyway. This was more of an experiment for me than anything else. I put on some socks and my old work boots, heavy black steel toed things. I grabbed my Mariner's ball cap and put it on my head and looked in the mirror. I looked like a 14 year old boy, I thought. Not really like a girl, except my face was too pretty. My body looked like a boy's. The jeans were loose enough so it didn't look like I had any hips at all and not much butt either. The shirt was loose too, hard to tell I had even the smallish mounds that I did.
I took a deep breath, wondering what this would be like. How did two guys do it anyway? I guessed they just jerked each other off and that was probably what I wanted to do more than anything else. I just wanted to touch a boy's penis. That had to be totally awesome, I figured. Maybe they sucked each other? I guess if girls did it, boys did it too. I wasn't sure if I'd like that, but maybe it would be okay just for a little bit. Truth was, I was getting nervous about it, almost changing my mind. Probably if it had been anyone else but Steve waiting for me, I would have just stayed right there in my room.
"Hey!" I walked into the den and saw Ste…er…Brian, my old friend, sitting at the computer. It felt kind of dumb play acting like that, but I'd try it. "Whatcha doin, Brian?"
"Hey man!" he turned his head and smiled when he saw me, nodding his head. "Just get off work?"
"Uh yeah," I stifled a giggle. "I had to braze the muffler on Steve's car. He can't afford a new one since he spent all his money on a new fishing pole."
"Yeah…" Steve laughed and nodded his head like 'I'll get you later!' He'd bought a fly fishing rig for like 200 bucks almost two months before and hadn't caught a thing with it yet. "Well, some people like fishin', I guess."
I'd walked over and I looked over his shoulder and pretty much thought my heart had stopped in my chest. There was a movie playing in a little window, two guys having sex. One of them was sitting on the other one's chest, his big cock lying on the guy's face while he licked it. I stared mesmerized by it, wondering where it had come from. And then I saw something else, my brother's cock, long and thick and hard in his hand. He was jerking off slowly and I stared at it.
"What do ya think, buddy?" Steve grinned at me. "Ever seen a cock this big before?"
"N-No," I whispered, and I hadn't.
The only hard dicks I'd ever seen were on my four friends the time we'd read that Penthouse. My brother's cock looked twice as big as any of theirs, at least as far as I could remember. My heart was pounding and I felt my insides tightening, all the way from my tummy down to between my legs. I licked my lips, wondering if I was just dreaming this, it all seemed so…unreal.
"How about you?" Steve looked pointedly down at my crotch. "You hard, man?"
"I uh, yeah…" I didn't have anything to get hard, of course, but I could sense the fire in my sex and if I'd had a cock it would have been screaming hard right then. My voice was breathless and I had to fight to get the words out. "Can…I…I want to touch it."
"Wait, just…Sit here for a minute," he pulled me into his lap, so I could spread my legs outside of his. Steve's penis stood up between my thighs, as if it were really mine and I stared at it while he played with the computer, bringing up a series of movies, all different, all featuring men with men. Sucking, and kissing, and even fucking.
"Go for it dude, feel my big dick now…" Steve had an arm around my waist, squeezing me and I felt dizzy as he brought up pictures for me to see. Interesting as they were though, pictures were nothing compared to the real thing.
I took it slowly, reaching down tentatively with my small hand to feel my first cock. It seemed huge to me and I touched it only lightly at first.
"Wrap your fingers around it," Steve urged me and I did, grabbing him gently near the base of his cock.
My fingers wouldn't even fit all the way around it! It felt so hot, so alive and even heavy; that surprised me too, although I don't know why. I could see the veins and the odd shaped bulge along the bottom, running the length of him from his exposed balls to the circumcised head. I didn't know what that was, but it looked cool.
"Like this?" I asked him, looking up and my brother nodded. "It's hot!" I smiled and almost giggled.
"Yeah it's hot. You're hot for it too, aren't you?" he breathed and I glanced at the computer screen, watching as a slideshow came up, showing a young man in an older man's lap, like we were, and playing with their cocks together.
"I wish I had a cock…" I sighed and I was rubbing him up and down, jerking my brother off, pretending I was that boy on the computer screen.
"I know," Steve kissed my neck. "I'll get you one."
"What? How…" I started turning around but Steve stopped me.
"Don't worry about it. Keep jerking me off…Look at the screen and cum for me, baby."
I did, licking my lips and watching as Steve brought up a movie of another boy in his late teens maybe and an older man, this time they were fucking. The boy on his back with legs up, over the man's shoulders. I squirmed, feeling the heat rushing uncontrollably through me. I squeezed Steve's big cock, using both hands to jerk him off. Clear fluid, his precum, was leaking out of the swollen smooth head, running down over my hands, around my fingers.
"Do you…" I swallowed nervously, knowing what I really wanted, but unsure of Steve's reaction.
"What?" Steve was breathing on my neck, kissing at my ear.
"Do you want to do…That?" I felt the wetness in my sex, like a damp fire smoldering. "Do you want to fuck me, Steve? Back…There, I mean."
"I'd love to fuck you in the ass," he turned my face and kissed my mouth finally, pushing his tongue between my lips and I moaned helplessly as I held onto his cock, letting him kiss me.
It seemed a long time before we had enough of that, and when we stopped kissing I was hot and barely able to breathe. My lips felt bruised and my tongue sore, it was incredible and so good. I wanted more! I kissed his lips, his cheeks, his chin.
"Fuck me…Like that boy, Steve. I want it…Please!" I found his mouth again and this time I pushed into his mouth with my tongue, exploring him frantically, my body twisted, my hands pulling and pushing on his cock awkwardly, but I didn't care.
"No…No…" he was breathing hard too. "It'll hurt. Just wait, we'll do it soon, I promise. Tonight we'll just…Do this, okay?" he was looking in my eyes, afraid of making me feel rejected I think, but I didn't feel that at all. I knew he was protecting me and I loved him all the more for it. I wanted him even more because of it.
"Do you really promise?" I licked my lips and nodded, as if urging him to agree with me.
"Yes, I swear…We'll do everything. We just don't have to hurry," he kissed me gently. "I don't want to hurt you."
"I can suck it," I whispered. Feeling my heart jump slightly as I said the words. "If you want me too."
"Are you sure?" Steve asked, but he was smiling.
"Yeah…" I nodded. And then we were kissing again. That was the best experience of my life. Kissing my brother, learning how to move my tongue around with his, teasing and tickling each other. Feeling his warm breath filling my lungs. I let go of his cock, turning more so I could wrap my arms around him. We kissed gently sometimes, and other times it was different, more hungry and urgent.
"Suck me now," Steve finally urged, pushing me down gently, guiding me to the floor. "Give me some head, you little boy," he grinned and I smiled up at him, unsure of exactly what I was doing, but wanting it more than anything else in the world.
"Do I really look like a guy?" I asked, taking his penis once more in my girlish hands.
"Yeah, you do," he smiled. "Here…" my brother leaned forward slightly and turned my hat around, so the bill was behind me. "Suck it for me, man. Just give it a little kiss…" Steve had a hand on my shoulder and he was pulling me closer. Not hard or anything, just a gentle steady pressure that I gave myself to completely.
"I've never done it," I giggled and felt a little frightened and my voice was so soft I thought maybe he hadn't heard me.
"Shhh…" Steve smiled and gave me a little nod, "It's okay, you can do it, sis." Then he slipped back into his role for me, speaking a little stronger, "Come on, you fag…Suck my dick."
I smiled, licking my top lip and glancing up at my brother. I was so close now I could smell him, the new and exciting smell of his body, of his sweat and maleness. I'd never noticed that smell before, not like this. It was overpowering and I savored it a moment before sticking out my tongue and taking a first gentle lick of Steve's cock. It tasted like nothing really, and I grew bolder, licking around the head slowly, even kissing it.
"Oh, that's good…" Steve sank back a little more, leaning back as I grew more comfortable with what I was doing. "Take it in your mouth, Arnie."
"Arnie?" I looked up, licking my lips and giggling.
Steve shrugged, "You want me to call you Arnold, dude?"
"No!" I shook my head and used both hands on his cock, sliding them up and down slowly. "Arnie is…Okay."
"Good," Steve lifted his butt off the chair. "Pull my pants down."
I pulled his trousers down his legs and kissed the tops of his thighs, feeling my brother's warmth against my face. I couldn't believe how big his cock was though, it wasn't as long as that ten inch wrench, I didn't think, but it was close. For some reason it hadn't seem so large those few brief times when I'd caught him jerking off in the shower. But maybe that was just because my hands were so small.
I kissed the crown, noticing a little drop of clear liquid leaking from the tip. It had no real taste, and I opened my mouth wide, slowly lowering myself over Steve's cock until the smooth swollen head was filling me completely. I seriously doubted I'd ever get much more than that in my mouth. I wriggled my tongue around it as best I could, more under it than anything else really, and I paused to take a breath through my nose.
"Take more of it, man…Suck my cock!" Steve was whispering to me and his hand was on my head, rubbing the ball cap I wore slightly back and forth over my short hair.
I pushed my mouth down further, closing my eyes and feeling that huge cock going slowly deeper, rubbing against the roof of my mouth, across my tongue, and then touching the back of my mouth and bringing a soft little gagging sensation that surprised me. I jerked my head back a little, coughing slightly and then, even without Steve's urging I tried it again. This time was better; I was expecting it, that strange wonderful feeling of having a man's penis in my little mouth.
My heart was pounding wildly and I could feel my sex, my virgin pussy, humid and warm and almost vibrating between my legs. God, how I wished I'd had my own penis then. I wanted to know how this felt for Steve, what having my warm wet mouth wrapped around his cock felt like. I thought of the pictures we'd looked at, the movies of men making love together. Sucking each other, stroking themselves while they took another man's penis in their mouths. My mind wandered constantly, jumping from one scene to another, while some other part of me focused on the prick in my hands, between my lips.
"Go up and down…use your mouth…yeah, like that…slow…slow…no hurry…" Steve was giving me soft little directions, guiding me with his voice and his hands until I figured it out.
I bobbed my head up and down, careful not to let the head hit the back of my mouth too hard, or I'd gag on it. But a little bit was okay, I even liked the sensation. I used my hands to stroke the rest of his cock, moving my hands up and down in time with my lips. It worked good and Steve seemed to like it a lot. My mouth was full of spit and precum and sometimes I'd slow down and pause to swallow it, but mostly it just ran out of my mouth, down the shaft and over my fingers, making his hot cock nice and slippery.
"Oh…shit…I'm going to cum, man…" Steve was lifting his hips a little, moving with me and his hands were on my head and neck, rubbing down across my shoulders a little. "I'm going to cum…You better stop or…"
But I wanted it. I wanted to feel his cock cumming in my hands. And in my mouth too. This was the first real sexual experience of my life, I was doing it! I was making a man cum and I wanted to feel it and smell it and taste it. I remember wondering if it was really so gross, letting a boy come in your mouth, or if it was something good and wonderful. I wanted to know.
"Ann…Ann…Oh…" Steve was warning me, but he wasn't going to pull me away either. "Oh yeah…Ugh huh…"
I felt his cock seeming to swell even more, just pausing for a second and then suddenly it was pulsing rapidly in my hand, his cock just vibrating with it, and my mouth was suddenly full of hot and weird stuff. It was cum, my brother's sperm, shooting out of his balls into my mouth. I swallowed at first and then choked on it, coughing and gagging slightly. But I didn't let him go, I kept my mouth on him, letting most of his cum run from my mouth, down my hands. But as I stopped coughing I could swallow more, and it wasn't bad like I'd been afraid of. It was strange and gooey sort of, like hot Jell-O, runny and salty. I didn't know what it was like, but I wasn't afraid of it.
My lips were covered with Steve's cum and I had quite a lot still in my mouth, on my tongue and coating my cheeks. I lifted myself up, sliding back onto his lap, straddling his thighs and leaning forward to kiss him. It didn't occur to me that he might not like it. I was just 14 years old and the little unwritten rules of sexual etiquette were beyond me completely. But Steve didn't mind when I put my mouth on his. He wrapped his arms around me and pushed his tongue in my mouth, licking and tasting himself on me. I could feel his cock pressing against me, still semi-hard, pressing against my jeans as I spread my legs, pulling the old worn material tight.
We kissed like that for I don't know how long. Enough so that by the time we'd finished any remains of Steve's orgasm were long gone from my mouth. But I could still taste him, the strange and wonderful flavor of a man. I savored it and just lay my head on his chest while my brother held me.
"That was so good, Ann."
I just nodded, taking a little breath and smiling against him. "Tomorrow you'll fuck me, right?" I asked.
"Maybe," he laughed. "We'll see."
My life was definitely changing.